Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Me and Ari Shaffir: Part 2

Episode Date: July 18, 2011

Robert interviews Ari Shaffir. Part 2 of 2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You know what, dude? On the GloryHol radio network, gloryhol radio.com This is part two of Robert Kelly and R-R-I-Shuffeeer. So now you're you uh do you go with Rogan all the time? No a bunch though. Does he ask you or do you ask him? Yes me unless there's some of my specifically really really want to do if there's some club and never play that I really really want to right or some tail on a city and he'll just call you up and be like let's go. He's like what are you doing next Tuesday and then now does he take care of your hotel

and flight flight hotel and he's a two. Yeah it pays yeah pays pretty well It pays me about what I'd make as like like the lowest level headline or the place Really yeah, and then he pays for everything while you're there. He don't let you touch a wallet really Yeah, he's like we're going to stay because no like like Paul He would be like make us eat at more expensive places and then like you guys can cover the tip like that's that's 14 dollars I couldn't afford that I wanted to go subway You know, but he just never broke is like then that's fine. It's fine. That's fucked14. I couldn't afford that. I wanted to go subway. You know, but he just never broke his like, then that's fine. It's fine. That's fucked up, dude. Yeah. That's fucking. Paul, he was the worst. If he covered that, Paul, he was the worst.

Really? Yeah. He's gotten a little bit over God damn it. He was fucking just unsympathetic to the poor man's cause. Yeah. I mean, Dave was good to me too. I mean, Yes, I'm just gonna just say like, I'll let let you open but you got to fly right out here on the clever pay whatever they pay you Well, there's some guys at pay. I mean, I'm not I think I heard what's his name? The fuck is his name? The fucking bald guy can't touch anything deal with no deal. Oh, yeah, how am I though? I heard he's real cheap really? I bet like 400 500 bucks

For like yeah, just open for like they're very cheap Yeah, very cheap. I mean, Dave was good to me on that last tour. I'm gonna fucking flying in a G5 private jet That was been crazy. That was fun. That was different way to travel. That was pretty nuts You've been on those with Rogan. No, you never went on the zoo for jets. I never been on those Oh, you never get well. How do you get out there? How do who get out there? You guys fly out together. Yeah, he gets he gets in his Contra he gets a free companion ticket everywhere right and a free companion hotel room So we started doing these like he'd be like how you want to come to the fights and wear Omaha this week Right, and so he'd do the way ends on Friday

Then we just hang around play pool or something Then I was like why don't you fucking call somebody, get us some guest spots. Or like, you're big enough where you can have somebody call or get us booked somewhere. So we started doing those shows like at the night of the way. Right. But it's genius.

Yeah, it's great. It's like you're already there. Fuck it. Because people didn't know he was a comic. Yeah. He went from news radio to fear factor. Yeah, no comedy on fear factor. Nothing.

And then UFC. And he was one of the funniest guys on the fucking planet. In my opinion. Yeah, nobody knew. Love Joe Rogan. And then he fucking nobody knew he was a comic. Yeah. And now it's perf, now everybody knows.

And it's because of those fucking, he would do those, the UFC fans. Yeah, he would do those shows Yeah, I really got to them would come in and and all the fighters came out to they started to get to know me that way So it's like I can be real cool with a bunch of them right you see like you know a month later You'd be at the next one the way and the BJ pan but hey man, you're really funny Right, I'll tell you it's like it's cool. Everyone's like laid back with you. That's a dream of mine. Yeah. That's my dream to have B.A.J. Penn go, dude, you're really funny. Yeah, it's sort of cool. Come train with me and fucking love.

How long would you last at his training camp before just quitting? Ah, fucking as long as he would. Because I barely ever train. Like, at B.J. I'm here. I'm only here for a week. We could get to this or not. Let's get a rock and walk into water. But. Oh my god.

I used to say, he jumps out of the pool, just jumps out, just with his legs. Well, that's when people would say, what you picked for the fight on B.J. I'd be like, all right, did he train with Mahernavich where he's doing that crazy shit and jumping out of the pool and bouncing on a fucking racket ball. Oh, was he jumping off a rock into a pool of water?

Yeah, that's it. Yeah, I'm walking under the water 20 feet with a rock. If he was doing that, then he's not gonna win. If he's really trying. He's not a rambo. There's no weird, not rambo.

Fucking still on. Rocky four. Yeah, he's lifting up weird shit. They got left over like hose and stuff. They were just left out over the winter. Yeah, I could pick this up I can beat this struggle. Yeah, you see him after training eating a moco-local fucking rice and spam and a hamburger with egg on it It's like yeah, you're not gonna win No, no, no, no, you need extra pineapple on this thing. Yeah. Frankie Agger was just fighting an underground fight club in Jersey just a train field. But you get to you get this backstage with and I've seen you at a

couple of my went to a couple of them with Norton. Yeah he gets a really good ticket to Norton. He gets this straight UFC ticket. Yeah he's got he gets fucking great UFC. Well it's funny too is that I knew so much about it the first time we went. He didn't really know. Well, he was a fan. He loved it, but he didn't know much about it. He knew basic stuff who was on, you know, skies are never seen. I remember seeing you guys both at the weigh-in once. Yeah, we were at the UFC 100, I think it was, and we were at the one where Ram Page lost the belt to forest Nice, but I had to run around and you know, I was at that one. I was like that's that's show gun Is he good? Yeah, he's really good. All right. That's my cheetah

He's like being that guy. I didn't know because you know why I liked it because Norton really wanted to know I don't see you had someone like look at you for information Yeah, he really wanted to know these guys were and I knew who they were Basically, I mean I know I know more like the a fan You know, I don't know like Rogan level Where I know like the guys better striking he came with his coach, and that's a notoriously bad at jabs or whatever Yeah, I don't I don't go in live was awesome one of the best experiences ever the only thing I missed was Listening to Goldberg and Rogan yeah, I can bring it down

Yeah, he because you weren't so much from him. He's like right, you know He's picking his leg up if he's trying to hold that leg if he gets you know If the leg is hard as wide open he could pass anytime he wants and you're like yeah go for it Yeah, like you know, yeah when you when Hendo was fighting Michael Bizping yeah, we were there. But when I watched it, yeah, you could hear him going, he is not going left or something like that.

No, he keeps going to his right and that's Hendo's power. Oh yeah, he's running into his power. He keeps, he's gonna get him. Yeah, I did. Boom, one of the greatest knockouts ever. And that extra punch. And did you see the photo?

Loved out, what, with him just in the air. He's in the air coming down on an already knocked out Michael Buzbeng in his toes were curled like he was getting fucked in the ass with pantyhose on I like those good seats. Yeah, those are fucking great that those the Headphones now you can rent for like ten bucks. You can listen to gold, gold, gold, gold, gold. No shit. Yeah. I don't even know. Yeah, it's like a year old. For two times it was like choppy, but then I've heard it's fine. No, I would definitely do that because that actually makes the fight so much. You can't really hear the interview.

It's get here, Rogan after the interview, but the guys are breathing hard. You can't really hear them at home. You can always hear them perfectly. Yeah. But there it's like, I don't even hear what they say. Have you ever had any like fucked up things happen at the UFC's? What do you mean? Any any weird shit that you're like, oh shit. Like some shits about to go down. Yeah. The first time I met Keith R.D. and you remember him? Yeah. He was in that for a while. It was it was when the the weigh-ins were like not a big thing at all. I'm a rogue and like doing them in like Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

And like a tap out guys came out. He just stopped. He was like, hey, it's tap out guys. And it was like, it was like all the fighters and the trainers were right there. And then like 20 fans. Yeah, he goes, oh, he almost brought you up just to fuck around. Like no one was here.

It just didn't really matter. It turned into a big thing wherever he goes to him now. But Keach already came up to me. And he was like, he's scary looking. He's got that weird eye and that weird go T Right, and so he goes excuse me So I like moved out of his way because it's sort of like oddly scared by all those guys Yeah, and then he like no excuse me and I'm like who he goes. Are you the amazing racist?

But like no smile at all really yeah, it was just like some weird pause for like a while Are you the amazing racing? Yeah, what'd you say? I was like, and I kind of looked around and I was like this, and I was like, yeah, and it goes, oh cool, I love that. I was like, okay, that's good. Then you just took my hand and walked away. Did they make friends? Yeah, it's amazing.

Yeah, it's amazing. If you clock suckers don't know what to say, you have to go check that out. YouTube takes them down. They do. Yeah, they take the next one down. Well, can't you put that up on your own website? I did put it up on my own. I got to put it up on a website on my own on a different server. Dude, if you got the amazing racist website, shit, I shouldn't have said it because somebody's already got it. Oh, they do. Yeah. That's fucking hilarious.

Yeah. So what are you doing now, dude? I mean, now you kind of, you kind of blown up a little bit. I feel lately, it's like stuff's going a little better. Yeah, you, you, on podcasts, I think, mostly. Well, I think, but, you know, people are getting to know you now. I mean, people know you from the shows, people know you from your pot. You have your own podcast, which is, uh, I have, yeah a I've listened to it's on Rogan's thing, right?

It's on a desk watch channel. Is that what it's called? The desk watch channel. Yeah. It's fucking cool. It's like six of us times the Gora and Triple E. Everyone has a show on there. I'm on the glory hole network. The glory hole network?

Yeah. Is it? Is that what it is called? It's me, me Jim Florentine nice and uh... the jersey jerks what the the jerky boys no the jersey jerks it's a podcast these guys from fuck I think they're in filly but uh... they're fucking it is called themselves the jerzy jerks yeah they're pretty funny guys in the glory hole which is uh... for funny one this is uh... but that works the weird cool new thing

where it's like, it's just a whole station of stuff. It's kind of like minded. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I just actually went on two weeks ago. This guy just called me up and was like, I'd love to put you on and upgrade it. Cause mine was shit. My podcast was real, just shit.

We got listeners, right? I had listeners, but in the last It could be better. What happened in the last I started doing it more consistently when you do it consistently Yeah, is really what helps a podcast. That's what I do every week Yeah, you got to do one at least once a week and then it started getting a popular like I started getting in the the Top 100 of the iTunes yeah, then they can see you and then even get more people. Yeah, and then he came along and he was like, I'd like to make it better and blah, blah. So I was like, fuck it, do it.

Let's do it for six months. We'll see what happens. Yeah. And then it's, yeah, it's been in the top, it's been in the top 100 for the last two months. That's great. And it got down to 31, which was, you know, so you're finding people come to find you

off just your podcast, like shows and stuff? No, not yet. Okay. Not yet, because you know, I mean, you know, so you're finding people come to find you off just your podcast, that shows and stuff? Um, no, not yet. Okay. Not yet, because you know, I mean, people know me from ONA, people know me from the orgasm, the people. I remember you from Tough Crow, that was my first, sorry, I was saying yeah. Oh yeah, it's a long fucking time ago. Yeah.

Yeah, it's, you know, there's a few new people from the podcast, but not many. It's mostly people already know me going and listening to it and checking this out. So that's good. I mean you're actually doing the nasty show up here and then you're going to do your other show in Montreal. Yeah, the story tell show. So you're going to do it. I'll fucking do it. Yeah, I love to do it. Okay, I'll just put you on one and I'll tell Robbie. No, I'm glad, dude. I'm glad we got to hang out and do this and I'm glad. Yeah, they've really talked to you alone. No, no, we've always been with somebody else. It's so funny how high you are. Your mouth is so dry.

You won't. It's getting high. Those edibles get you higher and higher. You're like giving some goddamn water. I don't care. I've got to what you drink. I fucking drinking a sip at a time. You're watching me.

I'm getting two drops. I'm so mindless. Split it up. So I can have some more for later. Just watching heartlessly. You keep licking your teeth. There's no moisture in there at all. two drops, I'm so mine is split it up. So I can have someone for a later, just watching heartlessly. Keep licking your teeth. There's no moisture in there at all.

It feels like a getting raped of a giant. Dang, you've been, I want it so good. I just noticed, you actually have a color in your skin now, you a fucking diet. I mean, you just need a sip here Shit so I that elbows keep kicking in later. That's funny. I take those during the fights You take yeah, they're right before the fights. So you're high during the fight both those fights fights high high to you I'm pretty gone really yeah, yeah, you see fun. Does it make it better?

Or do you yeah? It's like I've been to been to enough I took acid one me and Dia took acid Oh, that was really fun really fun fun It was great. It made all the lights and colors when they played fucking Sabbath over the loudspeakers It was like oh my god. This is a cool song It made everything awesome John Jones they gave him that title fight They were like we're gonna give you you know, you know, you know, Rashad I was gonna pull up. We're giving it to your kid his knees, and I was like, oh my God, it's getting one and one.

It's so beautiful. Yeah, and then Anderson said to him, a kid like I had the face, and I just remember going, oh, for like two a minute, it's just screaming. That was really fun. I had a scavenger hunt for edibles last time. What is that? I went ahead of time and what the day before.

And I walked around, I just taped some brushships up and like underneath a sink behind a thing and then I just had a scavenger on a Twitter. And people went and found them? Yeah, I put out clues. Did they find all of them? Yeah. Really?

Yeah, I put out two ahead of time. I said starting at 230 sharp, first five to three from seeing. So you have plenty of time. That's hilarious It was great people got into it. That's what I love about Twitter. Yeah, you can just do shit Just do crazy stupid shit like that. I never just joined in. Yeah, that's fucking hilarious Yeah, yeah, it was great People took pictures. They were happy and they're like had the strips To those person that's funny, dude, what's your pictures? They were happy and they're like how the strips To those super person. That's funny. Do you feel this water? Yeah, you're right, man

Well, dude, this fucking this has been good, bro I you make me I'm not gonna get high, but you've you've made me actually fucking miss it I miss having dry mouth. It's great. Yeah, I was edible I can't fight if I fly with them. Don't. Yeah. I can't fly with them. Don't say that. I don't want people to fucking. No, I fly it in my system. Oh, you know, I put them, I get them in like right when I'm

parking the car at the shuttle place. Yeah. Me and Nick Thune did it on the way back from Montreal last year, and we could not punch it. We did it too early. We couldn't even punch in the numbers. I'm like, what's your city? We were just watching it.

Some girl that worked a variety had to help us. You just fucking sound. Yeah, I was like, wait. Just having no clue. I like Thune. Yeah, he's great. This is why I like Thune is probably one of the best looking comedians on the planet.

He refuses to fucking be that. Yeah, he just sort of a regular dude. Just fucking, yeah, he's a nice guy, regular dude. Mary, he's like a long term girlfriend. Yeah, and he fucking has a beard. Just Sam, I's a nice guy regular dude. Mary to his like a long term girlfriend. Yeah and he fucking has a beard. I'm not gonna shave this week. It just looks like shit. Just shows up. He even when he tries to look like shit he stills a good looking guy. Yeah it works for him. Yeah. Nick Thune is one of those guys where it's like after you watch his comedy like I probably won't get along with you. Even though it's funny it's just like the style that it's like it's like written. Yeah, and then you see I'm like, oh, you're way different off stage

Yeah, totally cool. You have anger inside you. Yeah I met him at Aspen, dude. Really a long time ago. I was on the same show as him and I remember just looking at him He's going up and I remember that's when he blew up like right after that. Yeah, you know festivals for me I've never I don't know what it is. I've never gotten a oh my God. Bob Kelly. My shit always happens like in the background and then oh he's gonna be on this or yeah, you got this and no one's ever given me shit. I've never been touched. Yeah, where it's like boom, he's just getting this thing. Yeah, like Danes been touched Rogan's been touched You know, yeah, they redo fear factor. He's getting a new bunch of cash for eight episodes wait a minute

Yeah, I'll do it. What are you talking about they're doing fear factor again? When I started at the end of July get the fuck out there were talking like would you do it if we do it again? He was like going back and forth again. I don't know. Maybe we should do it again. It was all the same producer So he's like fuck it getting paid, let's do it. So just eight episodes. I think to start with. If I had sound effects on this podcast, I'd go, do, do, do, do, do, break in news. So he's doing eight episodes of, is it going to be like forever again, like for seven years? I don't know, no, we'll see. Because when it stopped the airing last time, it was because nobody was watching it.

Yeah, but a show like that can definitely come back. I guess so. Because I mean, it'll be a hit right away. Then see people get bored again. Because there's only somebody like stunts you can do. Yeah, but I'm sure they've in the last, how long's it been off, five years? Mm-hmm.

I'm sure there's some guy sitting around riding fucking new shit. He still gets people like airboards and stuff going like, you're gonna do that, do that again, anymore of those hicks. Right next, we love it. Yeah, middle America man. You get middle America to fucking buy into your shit,

you're a millionaire. Yeah. Yeah, that's fucking good. Well, there he goes again. Another fucking show. Touch, just here. Just, not like you have to audition, we're just here, here's more.

Yeah, me and you were doing a podcast in Ottawa. Hahaha. Hahaha. I came to the festival last year, I really liked it. I love the show arcade fire. I love it here. This has been a blast Are you watching any of the bands? I watched a fucking sound garden. Oh, yeah, that's right I want to see Justin, Nizuko. Who's that? He's a singer songwriter. Just him and a car. He's playing Sunday I can't see it. Yeah, it's fucking great. I was on a plane. No, I think I was going to fucking Iraq Yeah, I was on lift hunts and and

They you know when they have those specially made shows for the airline It's not this kid with a guitar sitting down by himself and he was just jamming all his own fucking songs And it was just him nobody else Brothers they know and I wrote his name down. I got all his shit. I love his album love his songs But his brother and they're from Canada. He's a singer songwriter real bluesy scratchy voice His brother is a singer, but he's R&B, like almost like a white black guy. He has like the chain and no shirt with a leather jacket, a white leather jacket, and white leather pants. It'll never look normal.

Yeah, they're complete fucking opposites. Like, what happened to you? How'd you start dressing like that? One of them's gonna make it. Yeah. And one's not. And that's what's going to suck. Yeah, because the other one's going to be like, wait, are you related to him? Yeah.

I understand. Yeah, somebody's going to go, I fucked up. I should have picked up. I should have been a guitar guy. Oh, the other one's going to be like, I should have got to put on big pants, big leather pants. And a hat. Yeah. Sort of can go. New backwards hat. Yeah, so you should definitely check him out. I love this. This festival's been, you know why I like it? No industry. No. You do your show and you're done.

I did mushrooms here last year. I got some in Toronto, took them over here. And yeah, I did them and watched Santana. That's so funny. And then walked around the city all night long. Your life would have been fucking totally different. If I stayed in, I got that job in Maryland. If you believed in God.

Oh yeah, I wouldn't do that. If you wouldn't take much of a job. You believe in anything? Here's what I believe now. I think it's ridiculous to say it, the agnosticism, I think that's sort of a cheap cop out. And there's nothing else in my life that I will take by just saying, but maybe it's true, like with no proof whatsoever, the only proof-wing, but you never know.

And I realize that's what I've been doing with God. So it's like, there's no God. There's definitely no God. But you have to believe in something. I mean, the atmosphere and the earth, I don't know what you mean. I believe things exist. Proofable things exist.

I think that you, I believe that what you create in your own brain. What you think and how you believe, I think has a direct result in your life. You know, like if I'm a negative grumpy fucking hate everybody, pessimist, fuck them, fuck this, that's what's gonna- I think that will try negative and positive. I heard this story on NPR about,

why was NPR? It's just a seem smart. That's the only reason I even mentioned the fucking radio station. I thought NPR is one of my favorite apps on my iPad. I've listened to it all the time. That's great. But did you hear this thing where they were talking about how people write negative comments on YouTube that that behavior spills

into their real life. They become more negative. People write positive comments that bleed into their real life, too, because it's active behavior. It's where I think fuck you, faggot, get AIDS and die. Like you keep writing that. That's how you keep thinking. Right.

And then you meet a real person, and you just have the time, you're just like, you're just a little more likely to blow them off because of all those negative things you're writing. Yeah, I believe that. Yeah. I definitely believed that. I, you know, I, I was years ago, especially when I lived in LA years ago, 10 years ago, I was real negative, real fuck you and fuck this and fuck that.

And that's all that came to me. Yeah, I used to do that too. All that came to me. And then I started to not hate people, and not, you know, I don't really hate anybody anymore. I don't really fucking... You see, mad at other comics who weren't doing exactly the comedy that wanted them to do. Yeah, I used to be the same way. But it's like, even if they're brand new, it's like, maybe this is one cool joke I can laugh at.

Yeah. Who cares if the other 20-year bad. Yeah, so it's fine. It's bad. It doesn't hurt me Yeah, I don't I don't really think the opposite yeah, I used to get into that shit too It if I was always in that state of mind It's worrying about other people and I think that keeps shit away from you It's it's weird to put blame on yourself like that guy sucks that guy's terrible And it's like just look at yourself. You're probably not very good Yeah, it's it's all about internalizing it like I talked to Colin Quinn all the time about shit like that guy sucks, that guy's terrible. And it's like, just look at yourself. You're probably not very good. Yeah, it's all about internalizing it. Like I talk to Colin Quinn all the time about shit like that.

Yeah. And it's, you know, you management, my fucking management, my agent, I'm like, he's like, dude, just go to work. Yeah. He goes, go right. Because you can, nobody's stopping you from writing. Nobody's stopping you from working.

Yeah. Go work. And if you hand in a fucking really good script to your manager or your agent, and they don't do it, they suck. And then get a new one. At least make it put it on them. It looks right. So don't say well, they're not going to do anything with it. Right. Right. Right. Give it to them. Yeah. Let them not do anything with it. Yeah. I'm not I'm not I'm not and I had to accept the fact that you know, I have to work. Yeah. It's just work.

Yeah. You're not getting touched. That's what you get to be a comic. You have to do sort of cool shit. Yeah. Sit and fucking auto, I get paid good money. Tell dick jokes. And then you'll watch it. It's a way to take care of you. All the just for laugh stuff.

They take care of you. They make you feel like a real performer. Yeah, it's funny too. It's like people, certain people hate just for laughs. I don't get it. I used to, I get that they never took me for new faces. I was always mad at them for that.

Right. But once I finally went to nasty shows, they're just cool. Yeah. They're the face of people's rejection. But they also, I don't know, they put together great shows. And they take care of you. Yeah. And they make sure you're picked up and you're fed and everything's the greeners are great. Yeah. I did the tour last year. The just left tour from one side of Canada to the other. How long?

It was 30 days. Straight away. Straight show after show after show. Every province in Canada. Summer or winter? It was December. I would not want to be here this summer. It wasn't that cold though.

We never really hit any snow. We didn't hit any bad weather. It was actually all right out. Okay, but we stopped We were from St. John's all the way to Vancouver and everywhere between and I was I was kind of dreading it I was like am I gonna I had a fucking blast Canadian crowds are great Canadian crowds of fucking the best They're a little cooler about sex there. They're a little more chilled out like we'll just do it. It's okay. Yeah I got the best hooker ever and fucking Canada a long time ago. Which we're city. She did a slide. She called it sliding. What is that? That's where they just get naked and they give you a massage. Yeah.

Both naked and they just slide all out. You just slide and roll and slide and all over you. All over you and they graze your shit. It's like an hour and a half of just dict teasing and then you just fucking they crank you up. Oh my god. I don't think I've ever gone to a massage party like that. Well this was in the hotel room. Oh geez. Yeah, sliding. That's great.

Very rare to find. You got to kind of, you know, the craigslist has gone so it's kind of hard, but yeah, it's called sliding. If you ever see sliding on one of those dirty websites, you know, it's legit. Try it, yeah, just try sliding. How much was that? It was a hundred bucks. It's cheaper than anything.

Yeah, because you're not fucking them. Yeah. And they think it's kind of artsy. You know, they're really not being horse. But you're gonna blast a load. You're a blot, you're definitely blasting a load. She had hairy armpits too. That would go to rest of joke where he's like, oh, it's friends like, oh, what are you

going to do? You're going to come in your pants? Yes. I'm going to wait till they dance on me and then I'm going to come in my pants. The last trends in Voters. Comodidad 10th day, Loads of 29 with 99. Daishman, Mucho por Andai. I have with the strip clubs. Yeah. Yeah, I can't do strip clubs. My dick, my dick isn't casual nudity. It's weird.

It's too many dudes around. It's just like, yeah, I'm too creepy for strip clubs. Oh, really? Yeah, I'd rather go to a whorehouse. I'd rather just go do some fucking deviant shit. I can't, the strip club, I get, my sex shit as to like, I just, I just want to grab my dick. You need to just touch my con. Whenever they're like, we can go in here and have more fun. I was like, what did I get? What did I get with that? What's that in tail?

Yeah. You. Let's just, are we gonna, let's just fuck. Yeah. Do something really. Yeah. Say, I'll save the nickel and dyming you $200. Yeah. And I'll just give a check 150, save myself 50. This blew me. And have her fucking jerk me off. Yeah. Oh, fucking slide on me. Slide. Yeah. I've got to look into that. I've never heard of it. We're going to check it out. So check it out, man. This has been

fucking great. We this is the longest podcast I ever did. Really? An hour and 37 minutes. It's because you're high with me. I might maybe maybe It's an hour and 37 minutes. It's because you're high with me. I might, maybe it's second hand, I don't know. I might have to fucking break this up into two. It's like this is the point of the podcast where it's like, do we just keep talking for another 20?

If you have a part B though, it has to be like, wait till part two. But there's nothing, there's nothing we uncovered. It wasn't like you were trying to break me now for an hour and you're just getting to it now. No, it's been random. It's been random. Yeah.

It's no reveal. You know, arc to the story. It was a bunch of little hills. Yeah. And we just kept going up and down. But I fucking, an hour and 30. A good podcast. 30 people listen to it at work or without trucking.

Yeah, fuck it. Now, that, that, that, like, dude, you should do an hour do an hour and 37 every minute. Yeah. How long do you usually go? What do you normally go? I should do 45 to an hour. That's what I thought is that's my ideal 45 to an hour Rogan just says 2 and a half all the time. Yeah, sometimes I've trouble limiting it to that long I can I could do it for hours But the thing is too is when I download it takes fucking three days to do that Yeah, but here's it when I see a one that's an hour 47 and one that's 47, I'm just I'm going straight to 47 one. Yeah, I try to keep it 47, 45 to an hour, but Rogan too

can talk for. He's got that. I can't even look if he puts links on the fucking internet. I can't click on them. Why? Because it's going to be something about the universe. Yeah, some new animal or something. Some of my world's gonna change. And again, I don't give a fuck. Me too. I always like, he's the alarmist and I'm always like, dude, I don't even fucking care. Just how can you not care?

I'm like, it doesn't matter. Me caring won't affect whether the killer bees are gonna come north. I can't do anything. And I keep hearing about SARS and all this shit that's gonna kill me and I'm not dead. I'm totally fine. I don't care who's gonna kill me and I'm not dead. I'm totally fine. I don't care who's gonna be the president.

I don't care. Coca-Cola costs a dollar. It doesn't matter. Yeah. I don't give a fuck either. Yeah. I could give a fuck about anything. I could care about any of that shit.

Don't you want your rose paved? Yeah, yeah. I hope they keep doing that. I'm sure they will. And the banks. Yeah. I don't give a fuck. I put my money in a bank. Yeah. Dude, I hope they keep doing that. I'm sure they will and the banks. Yeah, I don't give a fuck I put my money in a bank. Yeah, dude you shouldn't get a mortgage I do die. I own an apartment in New York. I don't care. I was paying rent

Well, you know, really you've thrown money away. It's going to the back I was gonna be thrown away anyway the interest. I'm gonna die. Yeah, I live in Manhattan I live two blocks from Times Square. I shouldn't be alive. I'm a piece of shit. Yeah, when I'm like, I don't have, how am I still surviving? How do I have money? Does make sense that I do it. I haven't put in any work.

Yeah. If you look at how little writing you put in. Yeah. And just like, oh, it's like a bearer thing. I told you dude, I've written more in the last year than I've written in my whole career. Well, I just get the spark. Well, just no, because I got the fucking script in the book in the last year than I've written in my whole career. Well, I just get the spark. Well, just no, because I got the fucking script in the book and the, yeah, I just had to do it.

And you get to a habit, you can start doing it, right? Well, now I can do it. I can do, when I first started writing scripts, in months and days, and now you can, you know, it's with me and Billion Joe right together. It's like, dude, Bob, you have to want, that scene, and this scene, I have this scene. I'm all- Oiled.

Tomorrow. And then I'll write my scenes. It's still hard to sit down. It's that first couple of sentences. It was like anything, but better than what you do. Yeah, absolutely. I can write great dialogue. I can write really funny dialogue.

So it's that's easy. But the book thing was the worst thing I've ever done in my life. Writing word after word after word after word. Just words, it's clear you're looking down and you need, you need, I need to write 2000 words today. I can't even, you ever have a like a TV show say write your bit down so we can look at it. I got to do that with Montreal, the just for laughs. Oh, they're taping this up. Yeah, the, I'm doing a relationship show. I have to do that. Right, I'm like, I just don't put me on. I just like, I dread it.

I dread having to type something out. It's a rote material. Yeah. It's awful. I was supposed to do it two weeks ago. And you haven't done it yet. No, I taped it tonight and I think I might just cut up the audio and send them the audio clip.

So here, I hope that's good enough. Just listen to it. Yeah. Fuck, you don't have to read it. And if you're like, well, we need it written, I might use that dragon app. I tried it with that way. Oh, OK. That might work.

I might use it. Yeah, just speak slowly. And get it closer enough, and then just go over it. And just, yeah, and that's it, because I hate it. The fact that we have to write that shit down, it's like, just tell me what not to do. Yeah, and I won't do that I'll look at it and go trust me as a comic. Yeah in the business for fucking 19 years that if you say don't say this Don't say that I can handle that for fucking eight minutes. Yeah, I suppose like rewrite it completely like yeah relax

Yeah, it's just somebody valid it in the job, dude. I guess so. So all it is, some guy has a job. We need to send, you need to, and then he- Make sure, it does whatever. Yeah, so it's like doing TV spots. That's the worst, too. I had a lady tell me, I had a reference of Chicago, like when guys listen to music, on the slow music on the radio, it's because they're in love.

Yeah. And they were all like, no, I'm not in love, it just, it looks Chicago. That was like, and this girl was like, mm, it's because they're in love. Yeah. And they were all like, no, I'm not in love, it just ellipses Chicago. That was like, and this girl was like, mm, it's like a Latino crowd here. Try to do something else like easy listening. Like, this is a better word to use. And I was like, I've been performing

in front of Latino crowds. Can I just do it the way I've been doing it? And then just trust me to do it my way. Yeah. She's like, no, no, you gotta switch it. I hate it, I switched it, it just didn't work. Yeah, like just do what I do. Like, I just back it hate that. It's the worst. It's the worst. Yeah, it'll be fine.

Yeah, it's fucking it's I get when they're like we can't use McDonald's air sponsor. I get that but when they think something will go better. Well, it's what I love cable to it's what I love FX because they let you say whatever the fuck you want. You're good on that Lewis show by the way. Oh thanks man. I've seen that a couple times you did it. Oh thanks man. It was like you were cool. You were good on it.

Yeah. That show, but that shows a perfect example. They say whatever they want. Uh huh. Just not, you can't say it all together. You know, but like Comedy Central, it's like you're a comedy network. And it's, I remember we did Tough Crowd. The trees was talking about, remember the sniper, the DC sniper? Uh huh. Yeah. sniper Yeah, and he was he had this thing where is like, you know a white guy. It's a white guy

It's a serial killer white guy and then he goes the joke is He was like man, it was just a nigger in a Buick And they wouldn't let they wouldn't let him say they wouldn't let him say what what what don't you think they would almost let him say bigger Buick They wouldn't let them say what? What don't you think they would almost let them say? Nigger. Burek. They wouldn't let them say Burek. Oh, because it's a sponsor? Yeah, they could say Nigger. What? They bleep Burek.

What? Did they really? Yeah, they beep Burek. Why? You can't see. He went Nigger, Nigger Burek. They went Nigger beep. What?

Everyone was so misled. They're like, what is he, what are they beep out? I get it. Was it, Nigger was allowed to, I was like, what word could they have beeped out if it left Nigger in? Ah. Yeah, he could.

No one would have guessed Buick. It was, it's so, I mean, there are, the Comedy Center's getting a little better they're playing shit unsensory. Yeah, yeah that's a secret stash stuff is cool fucking finally they're doing that like prior was on last week really live and concert the fucking best concert out of this legendary comics and and really artistic performers and they're not allowed to show them because of some you're worried about the sponsors not being able to yeah now they do

like these are the classic works yeah the kinssen special that's one of the classic works of comedy yeah the prior one live in concert I gotta watch more prior I don't really watch the film the one with him is the one with him with a red shirt on it's it's it's look it's a college auditorium and people are walking in as he's starting really yeah? Yeah, he's there walking in. It's fucking brilliant. It's probably the, it's just the best, best stand-up special I've ever seen. Which one is that? Live in the sunset. Live in concert. Live in concert. Not live in the sunset. Super good, but live in concert. It's so, it's, you forget that you literally just listening to this guy laughing like, oh my God,

this guy goes from bit to bit, and it's so funny and so fucking performance driven, he's fucking at his best. At the top of his game, it was the best one ever. Best one ever, I mean, the other one was, I forget what it was up in smoke or something like still smoking or something,

his first one ever, which was done at the improv in New York The original improv only when he came back from quitting. Oh really? Yeah, cuz you know he was He was you know clean comic Yeah, you should read the book prior convictions. It says a clean comic Yeah, he was he was as clean as Bill Cosby. Wow. He emulated Bill Cosby and, you know, his mother was a whore.

He grew up in a whore house. His father was a pimp. He was raped when he was 12. You know, he was by a man. Go forced to suck some guys cock. And he had all these fucked up issues and he was doing drugs and all this fun. But he's going on stage being this clean guy and I forget what he's so not

him. Yeah he was on stage come in the guy coming off I forget who it was in the book. Well there's Dean Martin or some guy like that. Yeah. He was like hey kid you remind me that Cosby guy keep it up he was on the verge of being a star. Yeah. He was he was making good money and he quit it all Quick comedy went and lived in Watts with Fox and started talking about You know being black started talking about fucking. Yeah talking about Love experience. Yeah, so if you watch his first special

He's talking about it's clean stuff. He's his first special. It's bad. He doesn't do it. It's okay. He doesn't. Okay, small crowd, improv. We talked about sucking dick. He's like, he's talking about the time he hooked up with a She-mail. Wow. And he didn't know, but then he was like, I fuck it. I was like, yeah, man, you get addicted to it.

I need a dick. I need a dick. was like, I man, you get addicted to it. I need a dick, I need a dick. You gotta be careful when you suck what dick because you get addicted to suck a dick. It's never been done before. No. He did it, you know, and he's, yeah, he talked about all that crazy shit.

But then he, you know, he evolved into what the fuck he was. Prior convictions, fucking great book. Really good booker. You learned a lot about prior. I'm not a reader. Yeah, I'm not a reader either I but I read shit like that and it's a good read quick quick read There's this only certain books that there's that book That I fucking flew through yeah, and then there's a book called

average American male who's a book called Average American Mail. Who's that? I forget his name. It's the best book ever. If you're a man, if you're it's it's just a guy who fucking with this chick, she's a cunt. It's just he meets another chick. He meets another chick. He fucks her. The other chick, it's just a guy. It's the inside of a guy's brain.

And this guy is brilliant. It's a novel. Yeah, it's called the average American male. It's one of the best books I ever read. If you're a guy and you like pussy and you like fucking, you've just a guy guy. You want to read, this is the book you got to read. You'll fly through it. It's an American mail.

Average American mail, it's fucking easy. If I can read it, you can fucking read it. You want to call it, you know we're a common name. It's an English major. You were an English major? Yeah. Oh shit. You were like eight to 12 books per semester.

And you don't like to read? I just stopped. I read the road that was the last book I read. And before that was like 10 years. It's so fucking weird what you evolved into. Yeah, completely opposite. I loved reading and analyzing novels. I love that.

All my English house I got is just because I like doing it. It's the other class that didn't do well. It just didn't do any of it anymore. Is he thinking it's because of the fucking drugs and shed? No. That the stop reading started away before the drugs. When I moved out here, I used to not do potilocks. My roommate was a big pothead and he moved out here to be a screenwriter. Right. And he never did it. He never did it. And he was always say he was a writer and I was like, how do you get off saying that? Like you're not, you don't write anything. And I was like, let's say best case scenario, let's say you jump in a cab and from the other side,

Steven Spielberg jumps in, like you both get it at the same time. I'm like, oh, where you going? All right, same place. We'll head up town together. Like in a miracle scenario. And he's like, what do you do? And he's like, you'll be like, I'm a writer. He's like, oh, cool. You got anything to show me? And you won't have anything to show him. Like, that's the best case scenario that can happen. And you'll have no way to capitalize on it. And how it seems, smoke pot every day.

And I was like, I ain't doing that. Every time I be too tired to go do an open mic, he'd come home and light up his ball, like, fuck it, drive, move, go do an open mic, to do it. He'd like drive me to get better. I stayed away from drugs completely, but I wasn't reading.

So it wasn't that. So later I started smoking pot. And how long you been smoking pot? Sally for the last like three years. And now you're just a pothead. Yeah, straight pothead, addict. You have a license. Uh huh.

Yeah. A lot of people say it's not addictive. I don't believe that anymore. It's I'm an addict here into it Yeah, yeah every day if I don't get high there's a day that I don't get high you'll hear about it Why you get angry? No, it's just like it's so noteworthy Did I tell everyone? I just not high. You thought I didn't get high all day yesterday Like I'm bragging or something. If it's 6pm I haven't gotten high, I already let you know. Are you still high right now? Yeah, this edible just won't quit. It's fucking good one. If you're in Hollywood, it's the next door

rock and roll rouse as the Russians I call it. It's a nice green cross on point city and sunset and the fucking peanut butter brownie. It's the Tiva. They say half, you don't trust them, trust them, half. That's coming from me. So funny, because tomorrow I'm gonna wake up. I'm totally clean. And we just did a fucking two hour podcast. You're gonna wake up tomorrow and go, what the fuck did I do?

Yeah, I wanna remember a lot. You're not gonna remember any of this. That's it, funny. So it's way easier to chill out like that. So what else do you have going on, dude? What else? I got my podcast, stand up. My Storyteller show.

What's the name of the podcast? The skeptic tank. And then in the story, I try to do like one subject and tackle like one subject with someone who knows something about it. Really? Yeah, so like, I like Ren and ZC, it was like about long-term relationships.

Right. Because he's been in one for so long. It's just like honest questions like, what's that like? Right. My friend, well, he doesn't want me to say, but, um, he just, those prostutes now, doesn't fuck regular chicks. So he just broke down like massage parlors, where you go, and how he got to that place.

Right. You know, what's that like? And does he worry about what people think about them? It's sort of just tackle one subject until it's done, and, you know, and covered it and then we're done. It's fun. The massage problems are I think should be legal. I think it should be legal and I think that in marriages, they should.

That's real, huh? It's not, I don't think it should be allowed. I think it should be tolerated. Right, right, right. Almost like, what's going on? It's almost like jerking off. Yeah, it's like, some girls like, what? I don't like when their boyfriend does that, but it's like, why? Yeah, it's a place you go. There Yeah, it's like some girls like what they don't like when their wife and does that. But it's like why?

Yeah, it's a place you go. There's no intimacy. There's nothing these women don't give a shit about you. They're nice to you. They give you a massage, a legitimate 45 minute massage. They wash you. That's what I always say. Get the massage first.

Then go for the jerk off. And then they'll yeah. And then at the end, they fucking, what does it matter? Just stress relief. Yeah, anything. And you walk out and you don't really feel like fucking guilty. Like just a new man, you're just like, hmm, where are you?

Where are you going to massage? And you're going to fucking bust it? I'm not as basically what you did. Yeah. I don't want to take this fucking old lady, old asian lady to a movie. I don't want to come over. Yeah.

I'm not going to fuck her. I don't want to know her name. Yeah. I don't care. Like you don't care at all. Yeah. I had my first girlfriend, I was surprised me. She was like, yeah, that wouldn't be cheating. Really?

Sort of shocked me, because she was so like, Prudish and Christian. Yeah, my wife would never do that. But it's like, yeah, what does it matter? To me, it's a way bigger betrayal when I start like hanging out with some other girl and like laughing at all their jokes. Yeah, and listening to their hopes and dreams.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's, well, women have it. It's a, they have emotional and physical in the same fucking realm. Yeah. It's like gay guys. The kids get laid. The gay guys, I talked to so many gay guys and it's not emotional, it's emotional, physical, physical.

They'll go to a steam room and fucking jerk a dude off or get sucked off in a steam room and fucking jerk a dude off of it sucked off in a Steam room and go back to their boyfriend. Yeah, if they find out it's okay Just as long as it was an emotional long you're not dating the guy you need his number and you're not fucking my friend My gay friend his boyfriend just hold him just Don't give me aids like that was his ultimate. I mean, you know how crazy it gets. I think please just don't I think my wife has the same Contest don't give me aids my wife has the same contest. Just don't give me aids.

Just don't give me aids. Be such a great t-shirt. Just don't give me aids. Well, it's fucked up too though, because if I me to check on the road, she has warts or some fucked up shit. The more, every day that goes by, that you're married, see, you know, it's locked in.

Yeah, you're gonna like, you clearly cheated if you get worse. I got worse. Yeah, you got worse once, yeah. Yeah, I got him too. Yeah, it was like, I thought it was the end of my life and then it was like, they go away, he treated him and they go away.

Hey, do you have to get him burnt off or you got him frozen? I got him burnt off, frozen. You got him frozen? Yeah. I went in the first time I got him. How did they burn him? What are they burning with? They, uh, the second time I got them. They burn them. What are they burning with? They

The second time I went in they burn them with acid. Oh, yeah, they asked it stuff. No, no the dry ice Oh, it's different. Yeah, it's two different ones. You get them frozen off Yeah, where they take you in and they rub your dick down with a blue Substance and then they put a black light over your dick and it shows where all the words warts are. How long ago was this? That was years ago. This was when I was 19, my girlfriend at the time, the one that cheated on me. Yeah. She got warts from her fucking guy and she gave them the May. Yeah. And I went in and they take my dick and the nurse which was kind of hot put on a glove kind of jerk me off a little bit and with this blue

You know fucking cream and then turn a black light on and they showed up little dots And they burned from there and then they froze them they froze them on that one. I went four years ago I went in and I got my dick checked out. Before I was getting married, I wanted to make sure my dick was right and I had a award on my deck. Really? Yeah, it was all really uncomfortable. It was in New York and I sat down and shared. They gave me a piece of paper to put over my deck and then they came in and he was like, grab your dick and stretch it out for me.

Yeah. So I had to grab my own deck and like hold it. Hold up the flab. Yeah. It was fucking, I just felt humiliated. And then he would just grab, he had an assistant in there, this little fat Mexican girl. Couldn't have been more than 22. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm a government, she's telling me I'm Comedy Central or something.

Now, you know, now I'm sitting there holding my own Pud and she's she's got to hand him the thing and he burnt it off And who's kind of it is it is humiliating. Yeah Fucking war to the worst War to the fuck it. It's just to me. It's like a warning. warning it's like a seriously this could be a lot worse bro it's like poison ivy yeah for the dick yeah it's like dude wear long pants if you're gonna go camping wear long pants don't walk in the woods in the spring with shorts on yeah you're dim get it back and warts if you let them go do you dick will turn into like a tree trunk they

just keep going I guess just keep getting bigger and, and then you dick looks like a tree stub. And you fucked that. I had them like kept coming for like a year and a half, and then eventually they just stopped coming back. Yeah, I'm good. I haven't had any. And then I got, I started working out. I got fucking shiny dick.

What a shiny dick. I like it. What is that? can I register? Shiny shiny dick Shiny dick is Medical term for This fucking podcast is fucking going on two hours and it's solely due to your fucking stone this I'm gonna get the pizza I think it's a fuck out of it

Dude, you're fucking stoneless. I'm gonna get the pizza. I ain't gonna get the fuck out of it. Uh, shiny dick. Is it's a fungus from when you work out? Like I would go and work out. Yeah. And then I go home and I wouldn't shower right away. Yeah.

Well about that. It's like a, it's a fungus that goes on your dick. I like the sides of your legs. No, okay, what is it? I mean, that's something different. You ever see a porno with a guy as like a red cock and his helmet's shiny, there's like no fingerprint on the helmet, that's just shiny.

You know, like, you know, there's like a thumbprint on your dickhead. Yeah, there's some bumps and stuff. No, it looks like, you know, there's like little lines. Like you dick, if you put your dick in ink and rubbed it on a piece of paper, it would have a finger print. It has a fingerprint, it has a dick print.

And it actually would, it goes away. Your dick becomes like shiny. From what fucking do you want to do? No, it's just the fungus that grows on your dick, if you like, if from sweat and working out. Yeah. And your dick will, like it actually grows. Like your whole dick,

my whole helmet was becoming shiny. And what do you have to do to get rid of that? You have to put this, it's like a cream on your dick that keeps it from getting water. What? But who cares if it is shiny? It just doesn't look right, it's not your dick anymore. It's like this weird shiny dick. And you know, you know what I mean? Like metallic? Yeah, I was like the silver surface car. It was, it would be like that.

It would be all shiny and like sort of see through. Yeah, it was just red and shiny. It fucking bugged me. So I had to get this stuff and put it on it. And then a couple weeks later, I think it was like a month later, it was gone. Yeah, I had that where the side of my ball hit my thighs.

It was shiny. The side would get like red. And the doctor one time was like, the dermatologist when I went for my work, he goes, what's this? This is like a fungus. So, no, it's been there for like six, seven years. He's like, the dermatologist when I went for my work, he goes, what's this? This is like a fungus. So, no, it's been there for like six, seven years. He's like, it comes from like not shouting.

I'm like, yeah, I'll do that a lot. I'm not shouting. Hi, you're a shower. Sometimes after like, jujitsu or basketball, I'll just like, yeah, fuck it, I'm just going to bed. Yeah, I did the same thing. That's how you get shiny dick. And he was like, I was like,

it's just gonna be there forever now. I guess, it doesn't have to be. Rub this fucking ointment on it for like a week. Same thing. Yeah, a week gone forever. Yeah. I lived with it for six years. You had shiny thigh.

Yeah. You had shiny inner thigh. I had shiny dick. Yeah. It's the same thing. We'll just stay there. Just a bit slovenly. That was our direct punishment from being slovenly.

And a big, not seeking help. A big word that I'll never use on Twitter unless I fucking Google it Slavinly, yeah, it's a good insulty word. It's a fucking great word. Slavinly is fucking great I do we get a fucking end. This is actually two hours and so do you think it's any pizza open right now? Yeah, I know dude look at me of course what's open right now? I know this pizza big man. I know dude What did that happen? Well, I lost it. Yeah. And then I gained, I've been doing this my whole life.

Up and down? Up and down. Well, it's my drug of choice. Like you do. Yeah. You know, you smoke weed and, you know, when I used to get high and all that shit, I was always, that was my thing.

And then when I got sober and especially getting into this business and then getting married too it was you know I can't fuck when I used to be able to fuck brads. Yeah you'd have it's goal in mind to like lose weight for. Well I'll be you know I'll be in shape but I also be out trying to bang. Right. Active and proactive. Yeah I wasn't thinking about now you know like the other night I'm here by myself I'm

in the room I get a little hungry and get some pizza and some chicken fingers and then I'm just fucking. You also eat because you're bored sometimes. Fucking bored. I eat shitty being on the road all the time by myself. That's why I love rogues. You guys get to hang out. I wish I could afford to fucking bring somebody with me

because I would bring someone with me all the time. That's the best when somebody on Twitter is like, why don't you bring someone so with you? I'm like, I barely got into this club my own. This is an off week for them. Like, I don't get to bring anybody. Yeah, I haven't been touched. So, yeah, food is my fucking thing.

You'd be lucky if they don't have a musical act ahead of me. Oh, it's the worst. Huh, when you get in, you're like, really? You want to be like, look, I don't want to tell anybody not to do their job, but you wanna go to the club like, why would you think this would go with what I'm doing? It's fucking, and then they kill.

Yeah, they kill. And they have no concept. Oh, that's the thing. And I believe you off the stage or whatever, I'm sure that's all their friends out. And it's like, probably because I hated life, watching you go up. I hated existence.

Yeah. And the crowds of fucking. We're loving it. Oh, I hate it when you're out front. You were funnier than Watching you go up. I hated existence. Yeah. And the crowds of fucking loving it. Oh, I hate it. When you're out front, you were funny or the shit the fuck up. No, he wasn't. In the realm of things, no, in this business, no, he wasn't. No, you won't know that. That's a way later. Yeah, it's going to take 10 years and you'll know you're just a hunk of garbage. How embarrassed you are about what you were fucking shit But all right anyways All right, so we've learned so much So so much this is just a fucking stoneers. This is this is the double podcast

I'm gonna have to put this out on a Monday and the rest on a Wednesday So the rest will come out later. Yeah, so I'll put this out on Monday I have to find a point where we can cut this Because it's not even like a point where I go look We'll wrap it up now. I'm gonna do the rest. It's just there wasn't really there might have been a minute there like 10 minutes ago No, because I'm a lonely chatty Kathy and you're stoned out of your mind It makes life so much better. I watch you open my cut the comedy store. I got super high I tested this type of the brownie. I ate the whole mic at the comedy store. I got super high.

I tested this type of the brownie. I ate the whole thing. I was like, fuck you. Don't tell me to do that. I got so high. It was like eight o'clock. I was like, fuck it. And I went in and sat where Mitzi used to say,

and just watch the open mic for like four hours. Until eventually they put me on. I'm like, you want to go up? I'm like, oh, yeah. All right. And it was terrible. Yeah, but you have an excuse. Yeah.

You have an excuse. You ate a brownie and a fucking breath mint. I just, everything chills out. You just enjoy. Yeah, but I'm just lonely. Oh, yeah, that's very sad actually. All right, that's it, man. What's your website again? Are, are you the great or are you sure, fear?

You have two? Well, they go to the same spot. Okay, so you go to your website, you get all your information up there. He's going to be in Montreal doing a storytelling night. He's got a podcast on the desk, the same spot. Okay, so you go to your website, you get all your information up there. He's going to be in Montreal doing a story tell a night. He's got a podcast on the desk. Yeah, you're doing one of those little shows. I'm fucking I'm absolutely. Yeah, unless you come down off your high and go, what do I do last night? No, no, no, I want you. I didn't realize you're there. That's cool. Well, this has been a fucking fun podcast.

Yeah, man. It's all over the place. Let's talk again in five years. Yeah, let's do it. No, let's do it again when I'm in LA, dude. All right. Let's do it. Yeah, the place. Let's talk again in five years. Yeah, let's do it again when I'm in LA, dude. All right, let's do it on my podcast. Let's do the next one. We'll do, yeah, we're not high, but you get high. Wait a second. As we go.

As you go. We could do that. So we start out your fucking totally clean. Okay. And then around 15 minutes in, you take your brownie. Yeah. And then around 10 minutes after that, you pop your other thing and then we see what happens.

See what happens. See what happens. Yeah, exactly. And then we'll do this every month, but we'll do it with a different drug. Okay. With this crack, it's fun. I'm like, have you ever done it? No, I've got to say, like a lot or a little.

I heard a lot. Hi brother, I'll talk to you later, man. Good. Thanks. You're with me. Thanks again for listening to another episode. If you know what, dude, on GloryholeRadio.com and make sure to check out all the other shows on the Glory Home Network.

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