Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Me and Colin Quinn - Part 2

Episode Date: October 30, 2010

Me and Colin Quinn - Part 2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Alright, we're back with part two of the Colin Quinn. Just a second half it's it's gonna be quick. But first of all we used to do a podcast together called Robert Kelly and sometimes Colin Quinn, which is still on iTunes. I think if you would get it, fucking hilarious. So this is actually really cool that you came over and did this with me. And it's pretty easy, right? Not a big deal. Yeah. You know, it's great. Right into my iPhone. It's great. My iTunes playing with my fucking song with Joe DeRosa made for me. Joe DeRosa made this.

Yeah, he's a very talented musician. He really is. He really is. Fucking cow. You have to be growing up like that. How do you grow up? Lonely. He was an adopted Arab.

Yeah. Into a Philly family. Oh, he writes. Yeah, he had to fucking pick up some stuff. Lonely Joe, they're cool. He had his real parents. Well, probably princes. And you know, probably have like millions of dolls and Dubai.

Just fucking loaded. He just dumped him off. Oh my God. Because he was like a half breed. Yes. Right. Oh my God. He would have been a prince would have one of those white fight and white in his palace somewhere

Just making albums and having Russell Peters come over and hang out Yeah, do an hour. Yeah, I bet Russell Peters make some money on those private gates. Oh, yeah I do Russell Peters makes some money. There's guys out there making fucking sick cash. Yeah Yeah, I do. Russell Peter's makes a money. There's guys out there making fucking sick cash. Yeah. $200,000 a show. Selling a stadium stadium. I just, I don't know what ever happened.

I just, I mean, I'd go to clubs. Even when I was on, I mean, I was on SNL, right. And I was on Tough Crowd right afterwards. Right. And I'd still go to clubs. And I'd be on the road going to clubs and I'd pass Ron White say who probably would I had one thirty of the exposure that I had. Right. And he was selling out stadiums. I don't get it. It's just the way it is. Some people stick. I mean,

look, I did a show. I did a tour with Dane last year. Money, arenas, over a million people. Yeah. You think that if I went back to the towns that I played with him, I would sell out clubs. Yeah, at least clubs. Because you were killing on those killing on the tour. Killing every night. It's like these, those people, there's something,

I don't know, there's something that sticks with some people that they will pay $100 a fucking ticket fucking ticket Sitting a shitty seat what they say like brand they branding I mean, I don't know what the fuck how do you brand fucking us? I don't know you kids. I'm gonna be brand it You can't I feel like one of the things I love that most about tough crowd was they were unbrandable I mean let's face it Norton tried to brand himself and become a phony big thing like that, but I didn't try to brand himself. That was a what? She was trying to say, well I don't know if he tried to brand himself, but Norton had, you know, the closest thing to

selling out those kinds of things for a while, you know. Well he's got O and A. Right. O and A. But one thing about the tough crowd people is like I felt like none of them could be that branded because you know, they're is hard to put into a category, because I mean, this sounds like an insult, but it's actually a common sense. Because any one of us, when you say, oh, he's this type of comedian, he speaks for me, we'll end up disappointing you.

It will be like, sorry, we won't speak for me. And in a way, that's a good quality, because it's like saying, hey, I don't apply. It's like the difference. Like now, the problems, politics is every Democrat and Republican liberal conservative. They go down the line. So if you're a liberal, you won't believe the mosque is a bad thing. Right.

So like, no, no, the people I don't like believe that. So I have to be, even if you're anti-Most, you have to be pro-Most. Right. And if you're conservative, you can't believe that. So I have to be, even if you're anti-mask, you have to be pro-mask. Right. And if you're conservative, you can't believe that gay marriage is good. Even though you might believe that, because no, no, my side doesn't. So that's how it got with, you know,

it gets niche society. And then where, you know, if you're not in a niche, it is a little. Yeah, but how can you, like, I, look, why can't you just, isn't there a, what is it? What is it? Independent? What, yeah? There's no independent I mean they want it to be good, but I mean like I don't give I don't I don't fucking want the moss down there

But I don't care if gay people get married right. I mean, and I don't I don't have problem voicing that I don't think you are But I'm saying there's no party they represent that Well, there's the fucking Bob Kelly party. Yeah, I'm gonna say about comedy too. It's like once people identify with you, like there's somebody ethnicity comedy or different. But I think it's this too. I think it's this. You need a people.

What do I mean? Yeah, you need a people. Whether it be if you're an Indian comic, you get the Indians. That's right. You know, you're a Filipino. If you're a fag hag or a gay, you get a raise. That's right. But white guys,

we don't have a people that's right. That's right. That's right. That white people don't follow. They're not. They're not beautiful. They spread the fuck out. That's right. And they're too separated among themselves. With Dane, Dane, but Dane's got the young, that young crowd. And they keep folding over and over and over. Right. You know what I mean? So you got kids going, I love they cook. They're going to be fucking 25 someday. You know what I mean? So his fans keep getting, you know, he has generations of fans. He had college kids that really put him out of map, man. But he's also a good marketer. I mean he used to take his own album that he produced and put it on Napster and give it away for free. So he

would have people file sharing his own album so that people would fucking spread it and they spread it like fucking wildfire. If you go on Napster and see that you know 400 people are sharing your shit that's 400 people that you know are stealing your stuff. Yes but that's 400 people that I listen to you. You're speaking of which maybe it's time we talk about how you invented Facebook. con volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectacularismos, rincones de película y un sinfín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fui paraas! y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujeta a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. ¿Qué? ¿Membre que te inventas Facebook? ¿Qué? ¿Qué te inventas?

Yo he inventado social networking. Sí, sí. Yo he inventado social networking. Folks, Listen to this very carefully. Right now, there's a movie out of the social network and every see each other who started and I remember you telling me God I fucking invented I mean I kind of invented it. I started a website I had a webpage with a guest book and on the guest book People would come to my guest book and leave comments for each other not just for me

It wasn't like I saw you show like I had comics Trashing other comics. I had people trashing the other comic. People would go there just to leave messages to other people, not just to me. So it became a social place where people would go every day and read other people's posts and leave their own posts commenting on other people's posts. Yeah. What the fuck is that? What year was this? This this fucking had to be when I was in LA so it had to be when I was first in New

York so it had to be fucking 99 99 yeah that was before my space yeah before Facebook. That's right. You invented my space. I invented both all of it. You didn't capitalize on it and make fucking right now you were two hundred million dollars Yeah, it was on each bill for nine weeks to I didn't capitalize on that. I don't capitalize on everything I'm I was friends with you when you're you're peeking your career. I didn't capitalize on that. I don't capitalize The other thing I capitalize is when I write a script and the action that you're not supposed to capitalize I capitalize all that like it's interior Day which is capitalized, but then I capitalize everything else the only thing you capitalize is In the whole way the seller. I told you don't put my fucking your hands on me mother fuck In capitals fucking hey

I suck. This fucking guy's in a day, Ken. What the fuck would he do that? Then I felt bad, too, because he totally coward. Yeah. I feel bad, you know what I mean? It's a stupid. Yeah, but what was he doing?

I had been crazy. He's got a lot of stuff. Yeah, it was fucking stupid. But anyways, so I got my new app out. It's great. You saw the app. You see it? Yeah. Fucking great. Did you download it? No?

What the fuck? Where's your phone? Give me your phone. No, I have to leave. Just give me a phone. I don't have time. It takes two seconds. I don't have time Give me the phone. You're gonna fuck with my phone. You're gonna fuck with my phone. I'm not gonna fuck with your phone. You're gonna fuck with it. Give me the phone. You don't have to. Ah the separate sides of the table. Don't talk there on the podcast. Told you not to talk. Give me a hug. I'll let you know.

I'll let you know. I'll let you know. I'll let you know. I'll let you know. I'll let you know. I'll let you know. Alright, I get it, I get it. You took away my... You're pinching my neck fat! Okay, alright, I get it. Alright, I get it. I'll show you.

I was trying to tell you. You pinched my neck fat, dude. You don't grab somebody's neck fat. Oh, look here. Oh, here's the app. Why wouldn't you buy it? I'll buy it. Just take it out. Here's the app. Why wouldn't you buy it? Oh, Buy it. Just take it out. Here's my new app, dude. I saw this app. What the fuck?

Oh, I have to fuck up. Have you ever done anything in show business? You're fucking play along. You ask whole. Oh, this is the new app. Shut the fuck up. All right now Now, okay. So I think I believe, and I'm saying this now on record, that the website is gone. It's over. Oh, it's fucking gone. And now everybody has smartphones in their pockets. Everybody has the internet in their pocket. I mean, it shows you're looking people

looking at their phones. Yep, you never, they can't, you can't not. Everybody has the internet in their pocket. I mean it shows you looking people and they're looking at their phones Yep, you never they can't you can't not everybody has their phone everybody's Twitter Nobody's going to their little favorite app everybody's going to check out what fucking gossip is going on and You know nobody's going home. It's fucking you know fucking going to their computer anymore Why don't you sit on the culture you got the info and Twitter check all your websites out of that shit? so I got this app and It's uh it's got you know these are all live updates right here my tour dates and check all your websites out on that shit. So I got this app. And it's got, you know, these are all live updates right here. My tour dates,

fuck it right in here, don't my fucking heads. And this is what you should get. This is what you should get for your show right here. So my new app, what do you think? I love it. Do you love it really? Yeah.

How much do you love it? I don't know. What kind of question is that? I don't know. I love it. Really do you have to sigh? I'm just not asking you to read a fucking Bible. I like this. It's good, right? It's great. Yeah, it just came out. So it's a Villebon iTunes and for the iPod and I like the scroll. What scroll on the bottom? Give me dates. The actual scroll on the bottom. Everybody seems to like that. But that's like the least fucking coolest thing on the app.

No, apparently it's just the most impressive to the app. The podcast is right on the fucking, you know what I like it because it's moving. Yeah, it's actually showing you shit. Soundboard, all right. Yeah, let me see the soundboard. Look at this, put it on the soundboard. You hitting the sound?

Yeah, you have the volume on the phone up. Oh, yeah, because you're an electronic jinx. What can I do it? Hold on. Let me do it. Just let me do it. Let me do it. You don't know how to fucking do it. You have it in control.

You don't know how to do it. You have it in control. Look out. Look at, can I just talk to you about, you push the small button on a iPhone and your thumb has it indent in it. Like you were banging nails. That's how thin your fingers are. You don't even, you have this phone.

I know. You don't even know how to turn the phone volume on. That's not true. That button on the side turns it on. Oh. Not just this button. See? It's got all the fucking sound boards on it,

but you know you're school about it? What? You can shake it. Get it on my way! I broke my fucking needle! But you know you it's cool about it, but you can shake it Fuck He can just shake it you don't have to push the buttons this is me That's me young that a guy in Houston I blame me I blame me dude if you I you hear that listen to that anger That's rage why didn't you just play that tonight when that kid was bugging you the girl last night

I was a fucking asshole. You should just played it of the mic but play that yeah, I did it live in the hallway They did it in the hallway live Fucking asshole. I will do thank you to come by. I was great man. I really appreciate I'm gonna be gone for a month. I'm gonna be gone for a month But you play is gonna be up when I get back right yeah, you're gonna be fucking So you're gonna be there for a while though. Yeah, I'm like I'm gonna be like Christian Chenet with okay I don't know who the fuck that is the storm prices a big Broadway star really do you fucking Did you think I was even gonna get that?

Do you think anybody listening to this is gonna get that? Sure they are, she's famous, she was on Glee. Nobody fucking watches Glee, who watches Glee? Nobody, but I know what it is. That's your problem. Do you know it's a big show? Jeremy was right, you're too smart for funny.

That's why you need to, because he knows how to take funny. He, you banged your head again, which makes me so happy. You keep banging your dough mat. Ah, ah, ah. But that's, he's right. He said that your comedy is so smart that people don't get it. But he knows we go, don't get the fuck out of him.

That's a lighter. Dude, my wife is over there. Don't fucking, don't fucking, don't chase me. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Thank you. Don't touch me. Ha ha ha. Good. Ha ha ha. Thank you. You're welcome.

Thank you. My dogs are attacking you. Ha ha ha ha. You're welcome, sucker. Ha ha ha ha. So, where's your theater playing? Where is it going to be? Hell and Hayes.

Hell and Hayes, then, where's the start? Uh, I'm pretty much done like over 20 seconds. I'm so fed up attacking you. Don't get him. I'm so much for 20 seconds. Yeah, you better back up, you pussy. I'm so much for 20 seconds. I'm so go for 20 seconds? I thought they were attacking you. Don't get them. I think so much for 20 seconds. Yeah, you better back up, you pussy. I'll tell the 20 seconds. I'll tell the 20 seconds. All right, brother.

I love it, brother. I love it too. Now, tack you, let it. I'll just put a song fades out. Wow. Ah! What? What?

Oh, I just got a bunch of, I just got a bunch of, like this. Fight them, fight them, fight them. Fight them. I just got a fight against him. Final, final, final.