Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Me and Danny Lobell

Episode Date: October 3, 2011

Robert talks with comedian and broadcaster Danny Lobell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Glory Hall Radio Network GloryHor radio.com Hey, what's up? This is Robert Kelly and this is another episode of You Know What Dead podcast on the glory hole fucking radio fucking fucking net, fucking, fucking work, fuck, calm, fuck. Can you curse on this show? No. Actually, our sponsors don't allow it. With me is, Jesus, I should be on his show. The famous, the, uh,

alluring, uh, creeping up. Hi, Danny. LaBelle. Is it LaBelle or LaBelle? LaBelle. LaBelle. Yeah. Some people call you LaBelle.

I don't like those people. There's no people. Um, what's up, man? Good to be here. Me and, uh, me and you have, I've actually been on your show a fucking few times, which was on Comical Radio, right? Comical Radio. And which was pretty fucking amazing.

Thank you. For the type of shit dick that you are. I mean, seriously, dude, you fucking, it was weird. You had these fucking people on your show, right? That, I mean, it was like this amazing. It was like you had a Howard Stern guest on your show. I know you still do it. I know you still do it. I know you still have this., I I just haven't been on it right so when I talk about it I talk about it in past tense like it's dead You fucking had all I mean I mean I don't have you have this fucking uncanny way about you just getting people to do things

Feel including myself You have this fucking uncanny way about you just getting people to do things for you Including myself. It's a curse and a blessing. Is it really what you watch monk? You had fire who named the list of people you had on your show We had George Carlin. Okay. We had Sean Lennon. Yeah Chris Rock yep, it. Jean Garoflo. Kid Rock. Yep. Paul G. Amadi. I mean, many of them. How the fuck do you get these people? Different ways, you know, we have Larry King coming on Monday. Fuck off. I mean, why? What What else is he gonna do? How? It's a good show. How? What else is he gonna do? He's like that answer. Like a million other things. Yeah. How do you get these people on your fucking show, Danny? It's easier once you get like one or two

big guys to do it. Well, okay, there you go. There we go. Now we're getting into it. Go ahead, go with that. What does that mean? Well, just like you could, you could send a link to it, you know. What do you mean? You could be like, hey, check this out. There's a clip of George Carlin on my show. Would you like to do it? And then people feel like an asshole to say, no, maybe.

I don't know. So you're using... I'm gilding people in. So you're using gilts. Yeah. But, uh, but they also... You're also... You're also coming they enjoy it, you know, I'm not looking let's get we'll get into how fucking great you show is after. Okay. Let's get into the smoke and mirrors of your

first okay. This is this is to like reveal the scam that is the show. Yeah, this is the pen and teller of your show. You understand? We're but that's like is everybody does that with booking, you know? I don't. Well, you should. I don't have a lot of people. I don't have a good, I don't have a good people on. What do you do?

I have Joe DeRosa. You have me. It really is a big, it really is a sad situation. You just do what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to figure out how you do this, bro. I'm trying to just keep naming people to make you angry. Well, first of all, I would be able to, if I had that, I'm trying to just keep naming people to make you angry. Well, first of all, I wouldn't be able to, if I had that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I you have to have some type of like your personality.

That sounds like an insult in a way. It, it, and then you had that little smile. I don't know. It's bordering. It's bordering. You have to be a complete fucking asshole like you. You have to be neutral. What?

You have to be neutral. Yeah, I'm a bit, yeah. Yeah, I mean, look, you're not, not opinionated. You've done some fucked neutral. Yeah, I'm a bit. I'm a bit. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, look, you're not not opinionated. You've done some fucked up shit and we'll get into that, but we'll, you know, your personality to sit down and talk with you is very neutral. You're not, you're not going to, it takes a lot for you to fucking go off on a tangent on somebody.

You're very easy to talk to. You get that fucking, you get those big, brown those big brown juiced those comfortable Jewish eyes like Jesus ad warm the souls of you like a fat Jesus really yeah I never give the same cheekbones I think Jesus would have harder to nail to a cross don't you yeah I don't think that they'd actually have to tie you to a brick wall now if that Jesus to a cross the whole thing will just fall down. They have to just, they'd have to just,

they'd have to just tie you to a camel the side of a camel. Tie out the camel, have to, ah, if that Jesus, the camel got burned out, then he ate the camel. What if they weren't better than ever? You know, it really does bug me though, that Jesus didn't have a way problem.

Or, you know what I mean? Like he just was shredded, you know. It was OCD though. Yeah, this is actually Patrice on Neal calling in. But let me hit that button there. Do you see that hung up on Patrice? I'm on, I'm doing it, I'm doing it, not not for you.

I would love to fucking answer that phone. I just don't know how to plug it in. Oh, that's one. It was a podcast. I just, nothing more. I'd trade up Patrice for me. Exactly, I just, I don't know how to plug it in. Oh, that's what the podcast. I would. Nothing. I would trade up a tree for me. Exactly. I just I don't know how that's why you don't get the big guys on the show. That's a worst decision.

And podcast history. It's not that it's. No, I would love to plug him in right now. I just don't know how to get him in on the fucking podcast. I do, but it's a whole nother hookup. It's a whole nother. I just don't know how to get him in on the fucking podcast. I do, but it's a whole nother hookup. Do you understand what I'm saying? And lazy, isn't it?

No, I'd have to unplug my mic and plug. I have a thing that goes from my phone into this recorder and then I could just talk into this, but it's a whole nother setup. I see. So yes, in a way, it's lazy. And I panicked. I saw, I was looking at you,

and then I saw, she sounded like, this is a pen of podcast. No, I'm kidding. Ah, I know it. Ha ha ha ha ha. Because he, I actually, it's, I don't like to give out days on the show because I, sometimes I don't use these,

I don't use these every, I don't do on every Monday I try to get as many when I can get these when I can get interviews or somebody on the show I get it and I keep it and sometimes this will be our next week or the week after or the week after I Don't like to give out days for that fact I mean when you can get this is because and then you say look now go ahead It looks like you have something to point to prove. I have a point to prove. You can talk to famous people

because you're in that group. It should be easier for you. You know, it's actually not because you don't want to, you don't want to overstep that line of friendship or, you know, do you get dainty to do this show? Yeah, I would, I could get them to do it, but let's say Colin has done this show twice, but I would never step over the line and say,

hey, Colin, I kind of hate you. I would like you to fucking do this if you can. Yeah, I'd love to do it. By the way, I heard about the last time he was on the show and he said, somebody said, oh, he mentioned you on the show. He goes, everybody has a podcast now, even Danny Lubell. I've had a podcast now, even Danny Lobelle. I've had this podcast I'm doing for seven years.

Nobody even fucking notices. He's been on it. Right, like five years ago. Yeah, that's the difference between your podcast and my podcast. You have famous people on it, but they don't remember you. Nobody even remembers. So people that are on my podcast are actually my friends. Yeah, that's better.

That's better. You know, I, well, first of all, I had a podcast before you, Danny. Let's just get that out there. How many years have you been doing it? I was, I've been doing it this for almost 10 years. All right, you'd be good. But I quit doing it for five years. Something like that.

That's a question. So I had, I had me and Colin used to do it. I always bring that up. Me and Colin, I remember it was a phone call thing. Yeah, right. That was before you. I remember it was a phone call thing. Yeah, right that was before you I think it was during me During during during during the era of LeBeth during during during I don't like the word during during during during during

During Anyways, that's fucking it's that's bullshit. Who gives a shit about that? The point I was trying to make is, hang on. That's for the people that used to hate me when I used to smoke on the air. Yeah. To revenge. Yeah, it's just a revenge. It's just a little, they're gonna be like, fuckin' come on.

That's gross. Oh, they're dumb girls gonna be sitting next to them in the car when they're listening to this. No, it's pretty good, you should check it out. See, do you like it? Now, let's grow. What are you listening to that? Get a shake, I got it, I'm on this diet, dude.

I'm on a fucking diet. You're always on the diet. I stopped trying. I just take some, you know that. You don't have to verbalize that, you shouldize that you should just take your hands and like roll them down your body I've resigned to the fact that this is my drug and it's probably gonna kill me Well, I haven't I have it much tastier when you do. I haven't. It's a delicious death.

Well, I'm on this diet. It's called Medifast. And I don't know if it's working for me because it's soy based. It's processed food and you have these six snacks a day. Yeah. It sounds awful. Do you want to try one?

No. Just try one. I don't want to try one. Just try. Just try human being, just try one. I don't want to try one. Just try awful. I'm trying human being should eat He's gonna make me try Oh this I thought it's shake Those are pretzels those are what kind of pretzels of those cinnamon?

Yeah, it tastes like diet pretzels. How do you even do that? It's disgusting. It's bad, right? Like covered in fake sugar. It's like styrofoam. It's like if you took a splendor, put a little water and mixed it up

and then dipped the pretzel in it. Right. That's what it tastes like. It's disgusting. It's terrible, isn't it? Yeah, this is not gonna save your life. Yeah, I don't know if I'm gonna make it. I spent $370 on a month and a half worth of food

where you eat this stuff every day. Now look, now I'll be honest with you, the pancakes aren't that bad and they're really easy to make. Have you ever had real pancakes? Of course you have. Are you much better? Look at my fuckin' better chin and ask me if I ever had real pancakes.

Much, much better. Yeah, but here's the deal. Hey, would be, oh, the fake pancakes they give you, the edible. They're not that bad. And the thing about it that's good is that you just take the packet, add two ounces of water, shake it in this little, whatever, throw it in a pan and there's a couple pancakes. And it's like three little pancakes and you can have them They're not that bad the shakes aren't that bad the bars aren't that bad

Is any of it good? Yeah, the good. I mean the good. All right the shakes are good. I mean look None of this is good. You're comparing it to wait stop. You're comparing it to pizza You can't get to fucking put it on the pet stool. I'm putting it on against, once you eat fruits and vegetables, if you're gonna go on some crazy kind of diet. Well, I actually weigh better than these fucking shitty pretzels that I still...

I tell you, I'll tell you this is the problem with people like us, okay? And when I say that, I mean people who have addictions, people who are struggling their whole lives with trying to find something else outside of them to take away the pain, reward them, or punish themselves. Whether it be drugs, alcohol, food, cigarettes, sex,

whatever it may be. We have these demons, and you're constantly fighting them, constantly fighting them. And it takes a lifetime to get over them. And it takes years to combat them, to get them to where you win. And you have them on a control. Years, you know, it took me years of AA and going to meetings and just doing that to not drink a drug or have the desire, you know, like I can be in bars now and I don't, they don't

even think about it, it's not me. It's not me, but food and, you know, sex is another fucking thing. And food is a motherfucker because it takes a long time and cigarettes I just quit smoking today is four weeks Is a month it's it's like quitting heroin though anybody who's say you got a quit the people that say to people You got a quit you got a quit you just got to do this you got to do that You don't understand that people can't quit until you're done. It's not a rational thing either It's not like well think about it. You you're done. It's not a rational thing either. It's not like, well, think about it. You really should quit.

It's not about thinking about it. It's not about thinking about it. You know intuitively that you shouldn't be morbidly obese. You know that. But sometimes it's an exhausting fight. You talk about fighting the demons. I'm chilling out with the demons right now. It's a lot better.

You don't care about dying? I do care about dying,. I'm chilling out with the demons right now. It's a lot better. You don't care about dying I do care about dying, but I'm just I'm putting that thought on hold, you know Yeah, but that that that fucking thought is is I mean it's it's it's very tough. I know it. I know what you're saying You know the I mean I don't want to fucking you know have a heart attack one day and plus the medical and all the shit That's gonna happen later in life, you know You can't, you know, I mean, that's shit. That's thousands and thousands of dollars of. So you think the fake pancakes are going to save you? No, I don't think the fake pancakes are going to save me.

I think that sacrifice is going to save me. I think psychological, mental, anguish that I'm putting myself through right now to strengthening myself, strengthen myself, I quit smoking a month ago. A week ago I decided, okay, you know, when I quit smoking, I said I'm eating whatever I want, right? And I put on probably 10 pounds in three weeks, seriously. You were hanging out with me when I quit smoking. And then there was a point where I was like, you know what, I'm going through torture right now. The last three weeks were fucking hell. And it's so bad. It's so hard. I'm going to try to eat right now. I'm going to go on a diet right now.

It's so extreme. It is extreme. It's extreme. But it's, I think, to put yourself in that type of situation and struggle through it and make it through If I can get out of this this is like Shawshank for you This is the tunnel of shit that you're swimming for. It's just made of shitty pretzels. Yeah And no cigarettes and just fucking awful pancakes I just know that how hard it is and you gotta get through the first, you gotta get through, you gotta struggle. And I was looking at religions and other people and the Jewish religion, they sacrifice them.

Certain days they go home and they can't use electricity or they don't eat a Ramadan, they don't eat for fucking a day or whatever the fuck it is. And Catholics do the same thing with lent They give up something and I always that always fascinated me Why people would do this why why would you give up meat for a month for lent or whatever it is? There's Ramadan. It's like a whole month. Well, that's that's that's that's Catholic religion Ramadan is Arabs

Yeah, right yeah, Ramadan is like a month a month. Okay a month. Yeah, but why would you do that? And I know why they do it it it actually makes you Yeah, right. I'm done. It's like a month. Okay, a month. But why would you do that? And I know why they do it. It actually makes you, it helps you become a stronger person. To give something up that you don't want to, strengthen your character, and help you make decisions better in life. You can actually say, I want that fucking piece of pizza,

but I can't have it, so I'm not gonna have it. I don't have that ability, because I've never sacrificed. I don't have to sacrifice. I can go get pizza if I want. I can eat whatever I want. But I don't have, I want to. This is your Ramadan. This is, this is Bob. Kelly's Ramadan. Not

almost a September. Okay, let's make it. Let's make it lent. Okay, we're in September. We'll have some respect. Okay. By the way, I used to crash these Ramadan breakfasts in college. What does that mean? They have, at the end of the day, you know, they have a big meal. Right. The Muslim student body would have these big Ramadan meals. Right. It was fantastic. Middle Muslim student body would have these big Ramadan meals. Right. It was fantastic Middle Eastern food they would have. So I would correct them. I'd be, you know, and they call me on it, but I, what can you do? I say, no, no, no, my brother,

you know, they had mango lassi. Oh, it's so good. What's that? It's like a mango yogurt drink at the end of the day every day. It's just This bad juan a bunch of Muslims eating rice and mango. I was. Did they have lamb? I don't remember there being lamb. I love lamb. It's delicious. None of the lamb at the seller.

It's gone. The one that used to hang in forever. The shwarma. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I don't know if anybody remembers this, but they used to have in the window of the cellar of a big Schwarm.

It was it was lamb. It was cuts of, but it's not Schwarm where they it's paté where it's mushed up lamb. Right. It was real fucking cuts of lamb meat. And they would build up this pyramid and then hang it in a window and it would spin. They would take hours to cook. When it started, when it was done, my mouth is watering. It should be like like mystical music in the background of like gypsy music. And it would cut that off and it was crispy, fatty, gorgeous piece of juicy oil in the world. And sometimes it wouldn't be ready. And sometimes

it, uh, there'd be just a little bit left. But I used to walk in and I used to go to the guy and I'd give him the eyebrows, the fat guy eyebrows, and he cut me off some of that shwama. And he put it on a napkin and I go outside by myself. I don't know, I ran out of music. I ran out of music. And I would eat it. Well, if I napkin. But it's a real fact.

I'm with greasy napkin just because it comes see through in your hand with the meat. That's not it. All right, we got to stop talking about that because I'm one fucking really fast. And I not like. Mm-hmm. All right, we gotta stop talking about that because I'm one fucking really fast. And I have to eat fucking cheese balls. Oh, yes. Here you go. Sorry about that.

Anyways, dude, fucking, I've been talking too much about fat people, fat stuff lately. So let's move the fuck on. You're a fat guy. I'm a fat guy. And upset. Right. Now you got this show.

What was your favorite guest? I know. You you got this, you got this show. What was your favorite, what was your favorite guest? I don't really care. You don't really care. You do care. You really want to know? Yeah, because I, I know that I think I know who it is. So it's Carlin. It has to be, right? You, I mean, you became friends with Carlin. I became friends with him after having him on. He was, he's just a kind of guy though that he was just so supportive to everybody. He was just, and as I talked to more people that knew him, it's, you know, it was really just who he was that he was, he was just giving back to everybody, his whole life. This guy, I know. He was sick. Did I know he was sick? He'd know.

Didn't he know he was dying? I don't think so because I spoke to him a week before he died and We were talking about him coming back on the show But you can talk about I don't know why you don't ask people to come back on the show, but my ego Danny Yeah, he said and I don't want to do this for a living. He said, you know, I might hopefully This is a hobby. This is your heart. This is my fun thing to do from my people that like me. I like doing this for the months of week so that, you know, they can have fun things. I'm not you, where this is, I'm bangin'.

I'm bangin', this is one of my A plans. This was my A plan. My A plan. My A plan is actually television, film, and comedy. Yeah, that's way better. This was like my, this was gonna be my thing it didn't really work out so not it's got no yeah I hope so still let's go back to Karlin but he he was he was he sounded a little sick on the phone he's like I'm

not feeling so great right now but hopefully in the next few weeks you know I'm gonna at least be doing a call in or something you know and when I'm back in New York let's get together and Then a week later or less than a week he died So he was gonna come back on the show and he said he wasn't feeling good and then he just he he yeah Did you go to the show? He did it three times. He did two callins and then he came in once and that was the last time He was there was when he came in how did did you get hooked up with Karloon? I met him through Jackie Mason.

And I, who? Jackie Mason. I was, I like his daughter. She's actually cool. She's cool. He bought me one time on a show. Jackie did? My head, he bought me out of my,

one of my headline spots at Nashville. Did you punch him in the fight? No, he came in. And I was like, hello. I, I was like, if you were in makeup, that's your in. He was like, hello. I was like, you're wearing makeup. That's your jacket, me. Hello, hello, hello. That sounds like coffee in the car.

Yeah, well, you do. I'm sorry, I took your show. But I'm more famous than you. Okay. Small. I have cotton candy hair, but I put makeup on all the time. I wear makeup. Thank you very much, Simon.

Thank you. I'm sorry. So you meet them through Jackie Mason. And the fact that you know Jackie Mason just blows me away'm sorry. One, please. All right, anyways. So you meet them through Jackie Mason. And the fact that you know Jackie Mason just blows me away. Go fuck yourself, Danny. So I have you and you get Jackie Mason and Karlin. Go ahead.

So I was working on Jackie's Broadway show, Freshly Squeezed, Selling merch. And he got me that job. It was like the best paying job for the amount of time I ever had. Because there's making a lot of money. So anyway, so I get I understand what that means. And like, why did I need to go into that? But why have to keep telling you to talk into the microphone?

You have a professional show. Yeah. But I'm used to the mic being like, you could talk anywhere around it. I don't have that. I have show of 58s. Because sometimes you take these on the road. Yeah, these are good. And I don't want to pick up some content

at table next to us. Sorry. Anyways, did you go see Jersey boys? It took night, shut the fuck up. That's why I have the show of 58s. Go ahead. I'm getting used to it. I was working at the Broadway show

and it was a night off actually. I was off that night and he calls me up and go, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, let me ask you a question. Would you like to meet Georgie Karlin? And I go, and it took me a second. I was like, George, George Karlin, you know, yes, I said, yeah, I'd love to meet that being, you know, yeah, of course I alright calm dance disgusting, you know He goes look if you come down tonight. He'll be at the show and I'll be happy to introduce you just you know Calm the fuck down. I don't remember what he screamed at me. So I showed up and again talk it to the fuck a microphone Danny. Jesus Christ. I don't I don't think I have to see your lips. Is that what you trying to just me?

It's the mystical lips of watching lowbell, you know, there we go. Show me your mouth. All right, so there we go. You hear it? Yeah, there it stay there. Oh, that sounds good. It sounds great. Right sexy sexy. Talking to the mic. It sounds fucking great Yeah, so got watch me see yeah, all right, so so I go into the To the show and George Carlin was there and afterwards we hung out backstage and hung out with George and Jackie. My dad brought my dad, he took some pictures and George and I swapped information. He said, you know, I said, I'd love to interview you. I had a magazine back then.

Comical. Comical. I was on it. Yeah. And I said, I'd love to interview you for that. And he gave me his address. He said, I left the interview you for that and he gave me his address He said, right me and I wrote him and he got back to me. He called me. I had a voicemail one day and it was George Carlin That at least tell me you saved it. Yeah, I still have it somewhere on an MP3. I know on a mini disk Many disk it's on a mini disk. You get a transfer that. Yeah, many disks would be gone soon

I just I just lost a mini my dog just chewed up a mini disc. I don't know what the hell was on it. Probably an old show. What kind of dog do you have a mini-pincher? Got it. Yes. It's, um, um. So that's the, that's the whole story though.

So then, so then you have them on your shelf. So then, yes, so we stayed in touch. We talked on the phone a lot for a while. I don't understand. What's the first conversation to George Colin? I get nervous calling Colin. I was very nervous with friends the only time I was really really nervous talking to anybody was Harvey P car From American Splendor did you see that movie? Yeah, I Saw that movie. I saw that movie and I saw that movie, and I was like amazed by Harvey P. Carr.

Like, I was like, that guy reminds me of me, and I was so inspired, all of a sudden I felt like I could make it. Like, I never felt like I had a chance at making it in showbiz or in anything. I think because my dad was always like, you're not gonna make it, nobody makes it in the, yeah, and then I saw Harvey, and then it changed, it just like changed

It changed my mind. I was like, you know, I feel like that's the kind of guy I am in a way me tart me Yeah, I'm tired of a talent. You're a savant so I Fats a va I'm a fat savant right so I so I was like I got I got to talk to him I got I got to get to know him more and So I was like, I got to talk to him. I got to get to know him more. And he was in the movie. He mentioned that he was in the phone book. And how much he loved being in the phone book.

So I looked up a Cleveland Heights phone book. He was still there. And I called him and I just remember, I don't know what we talked about. We talked for like an hour. I don't remember any of it. I was just so nervous talking to him. I felt it in my throat, like a scared shakiness of like,

and I think after that I was never, yeah. Like, you know, that nervous feeling. You know, I shouldn't mean, this is a nervous feeling. I'm talking about, I know. I got you. But after that, I don't think I really ever got that nervous talking to anybody ever again. That was, and I stayed in touch with Harvey, and he kind of inspired me to do the magazine,

told me to do it, and... Really? Yeah, and I was friends with him also till he died. Now, why did you stop doing it? The comical magazine was actually a cool, why'd you stop doing that? Too much money, he couldn't afford it. It finally got to the point where it was breaking even,

but it was taking up all my time. I felt like I wasn't, you know, I wanted to do more stand up and everything. And people also were like, well, you know, stand up, you're a magazine guy. And that really got to me too, you know. It was like, this thing isn't making any money. It's holding me back.

I just got to get out of it. I got to shake this whole magazine thing because the whole point of it was not to be a magazine guy was to put out funny stories and stuff which i thought would it would help be in a comedian you know but people didn't see it that way they're just like oh that's the magazine guy you can't be the magazine guy in the community fat magazine guy

so on magazine fat guy the so the cocksuck and that's a lot of magazine guy that So the magazine fat guy. The cock suckin' fats of on magazine guy. That's the guy. That's not gonna make it. So you quit the magazine and then you go into the radio show. Yeah. Which was that, already started it? You started because of the...

I started it before, but we renamed it for the magazine. At that point, I figured why not have everything have the same name It was just called the Daniel Bell show. It's called synergy. Yeah So and then but and then you did the the comical radio so yeah, so he still do the comical radio We kind of like the magazine except in Verbal form. Yeah, and verbal. Yeah, it's the same time, you know, we're trying to, we're trying to just take them as a concept of them and try and transfer them into it. Anyway. That's what I like. You know what? Sometimes people, I tell people that I like you, like, your friend of mine, like, and they're like,

why? But you're, the reason why you're fucking, you've always made me even treat me, or you've always been, I've always liked you as far as, it's because you're definitely unique, weird fucking, just a fuck up. But you're okay with it. You're not a fucking hiding it. And you try as hard as you can to be creative. You're always trying to be creative. You're always trying to do something new. I think

You know, I don't follow your career. No, I don't know what you're doing. I mean this is all competing Just bullshit that I've created in my own. I think, and man, I really got Bobby tricked here. This is good. I can bullshit that I've created in my own. I think, man, I really got Bobby tricked here. This is good. I got it. No, but I mean, even like, you know, you, you, you did that, which is hilarious to me. You did the diversity NBC show.

Yeah. We got in trouble for that. What you should have. Yeah. That was the point. As you did the show of diversity, but you went up, I explained, explained everybody what you did. I went up as a racist South African comic in front of an all black diversity audition.

Yeah. And just did stupid racist jokes and followed the punch line was always like, they're part-time server, you know, we can laugh about this now, you know. You know, do you have any of the jokes that you did? Yeah. All right, here's the next one. It's what you call a black doctor. What?

In the answers, obviously you don't call a black doctor because we know they're not good with medicine. Come on, they're part times old. But you, this is like, man, fuck, I don't understand. I get, look, I get it. I get, but this is a fucking comedy show at diversity comedy show But it's not really diversity. It's just a code word for black people You know so so to me would come on I was gonna do it again because they they basically

I don't know if they still remember that like you were you're banned You're never gonna be on NBC kid and I never have been but I think it's just for other reasons but Just just you know, I don't think I've ever had a chance to even do anything for NBC. But well, here's a deal with with this business. And look, I'm victim of it, dude. And I know other people who are too, you know, you either take risks that might ruin shit and really blow shit up and burn a bridge. But that one thing that you do might fucking really be the thing that you needed to do to get you to where you wanted to be.

Right. And, you know, sometimes, you know, Billy Burr fucking got booed at Philly, but he snapped back and that thing actually helped get him recognized. So then people were like, who's this fuck? Then they went and saw his comedy. And they're like, holy shit,

this guy's one of the funniest guys on the planet. You understand? You propelled him. It gave notice to him. And I think sometimes guys, look, there's, you play the game. You keep your mouth shut, you do your comedy. When you go on the tonight show, you kinda, all right, I won't say this,

and I won't say that, and I'll get on and I'll, you know, and that might, that might work for you, man. That might be what you need. So I need to be the guy who doesn't take risks. Not you. I'm saying hypothetically, you know, fucking, or wrong. But I'm saying, you know, some guys take risks, and some guys fail. Dice, you know, that's a guy to, you know, I, not to go back that far, but even Patrice, Patrice will, you know, if you saw him on the Charlie Sheen roast, man, he threw his paper out. He walked up and was so disgusted with the panel

that he just trashed the panel. And you know those jokes weren't written. They just did what, you written. Everybody on that fucking show was reading jokes that they got from the 10 fucking funny people in the back that you'll never miss because they're writers. They were reading those jokes, reading them, okay? And Patrice had jokes, but then he walked out and said, fuck this. He took a risk. That shit could have blown up in his face. Do you understand? Yeah. And it worked out in his favor. He stood out because he walked out. I mean, he stood out to me at least. Right. And you take those risks and you did that. You got, but this one didn't pan out. You got fucking banned from

NBC. It didn't work. I mean, I don't know if it's a real banner was put, but anyway, nothing. I know the girl runs that show. Yeah. She's actually a really sweet person. Really cool girl. No fan of mine. I guess, you know, well, dude, you went in and you fucking told racist jokes and fucking, you know, that black night. It was funny. It was absolutely funny. And I guarantee the black comics got it. They did, they got it. And the crowd got it too, right?

Yeah. Yeah, it's like mostly black comics there. But you know, you have another joke. You know, a lot of people are excited for Barack Obama's, the father of this country, but you know what black fathers do, right? They leave. Come on, we freed Nelson Mandela, let's have a laugh. But you kept saying that after every joke.

So you have to, where can you see this? You can't see it anymore. I have to take it down. Why? The NBC people were not, really, I had to take it down. Why the NBC people were not Really that basically said take it down or we're gonna get lawyers to take it down So really I have to take it down. It's too bad. I saw it. Yeah, it was fucking. I thought it was funny It was it's like you you're making fun of the whole fucking diversity thing

It's ridiculous Yeah, and and if they didn't get that joke I I understand why they can't have it on the internet, because they're NBC. Right. Dude, I said freak. I'm doing the CBS show, and I said freak or god damn or something, and they told me I can't say that. Really?

Yeah. Dude, the middle of this country runs show business. Crazy. The middle of this country, god fearing people. They should have different stations for the coasts and for the middle. That should be what we're doing. Yeah, they do. It's called FX.

It's called Spike, HBO. They do have those channels. You have to pay for them or they're, it's called Basic Cable. That's why Basic Cable is kicking the shit out of regular network television now. Because the society has changed. We're no longer fucking believing in this Brady Bunch bullshit

We want to watch real life shit that you can relate to so you don't kill yourself and your mother's basement That's why you're doing your fucking comical podcast But um, yeah, but those corporate people fucking corporate corporate corporate world is crazy So I get why they can't have you on there. Right. Yeah. Can't have fucking big fucking racist South African guy. To me, it was like a,

the way I see it, that whole contest is racist. That's a whole racist contest. Why? Just because they've separated black and white people for a contest. No. And then they say oh well, you know NBC has racist hiring practices all year round so we have to do this to even it out It's like how much don't be racist all year round then we wouldn't have good TV

We'd have fucking Tyler Perry shows just just hire a good mix of people all year round You don't need to blow out non-racist event. I don't know, maybe they don't, you're right. You know what I stopped doing, dude? And to help me out, I stopped giving a fuck about, I understand that somebody has, somebody's paying a mortgage or rent or hospital bills with that show.

Somebody put that show together because they needed a job because they needed to sell something. They needed to put something together and they sold that and somebody said that's a great idea. A lot of people got paid off of that show. A lot of people made money off of that show. A lot of people's lives were bettered because of that fucking to you dumb show. And I know I agree with you. I understand what you're saying, but you know, it's like sex in the city. That fucking show makes no sense to me. Why would you? What problems do you have, Samantha? Your apartment is fucking ridiculous. You're right. You're right. You're dumb article and your dumb friends are all loaded and you're all fucking by

Amazing clothes from thousands and thousands of dollars your problems are meeting the right guy and getting dick But you got to read into it further. It's just an emptiness inside I got you an album fuck you. I'll show you an emptiness You want to see an emptiness look take a fucking photo of me and you doing a podcast. That's called emptiness. I just wanted to argue. I don't even know the show. Well, it's, it's, I, but I, you know what, I stop fighting it because somewhere that's

making some fucking dummy happy. I, you know, one of my, you know, okay, I don't like the fucking show. I, I, there's certain, like alternative. People hate alternative comics and rooms. Who gives a shit? Who cares? Right. You know, who gives a fuck? So it's something for everyone as you're at, too.

If everybody, if somebody's happy, you're happy. I don't get, no, it's, I don't care about the fucking world. I care about my world. How's that? It's good. Does that make sense? Yeah, it's good, it makes sense. I'm too fat and lonely and scared in the fucking trouble.

You can't, you can't think about any of that. I can't, I can't. I'm too fat and lonely and scared and fucking trouble. You can't think about any of that. I can't. I can't. I'll kill my wife. I got this, I hitchhiked with this guy to a standup in the York last night. What is up with this hitchhiking thing you're doing now? You did that in Deli too.

You and your girl. It's fantastic. I've been hitchhiking everywhere. I don't spend money on cabs anymore. Really? You hitchhike. Hitchhike. It I don't spend money on cabs anymore. Really you hitchhike hitchhike It's a forgotten art nobody does it anymore. I know why nobody does it Because they started finding people's heads and torsos on the fucking Jersey fucking

Turnpike, that's why I'm taking a risk Well, first of all to get rid of your body would just be a pain. It would be a nightmare, you know, yeah, you can to get rid of your body would just be a pain. It would be a nightmare, you know? Yeah, you can, yeah. Yeah. That's it. That have to get one of those, those fucking storage units,

they drop off at your house. Yeah. No, it would be a lot of work, more than most people are willing to put in. Yeah, you need like an old Bronco truck. Yeah. Yeah, it would be a lot of work to saw up that body. So this Algerian

conspiracy theorist picked me up. He's like a crazy scientist. I don't know about crazies. It seemed really smart Right, and he drove me he drove me to the stand-up New York and he was so interesting and I stayed in the car with him for like 40 minutes after we got to stand up New York I didn't get out. I just listened like 40 minutes after we got to stand up in New York, I didn't get out, I just listened. All these ideas that it was telling me about how we're all being programmed, you know, through cell phones and there's a frequency in everybody's brain, just like a cell phone has a code,

they can take your frequency and turn it into numbers. And once they have that number, they can influence the way you think and control societies and telling me about shadow governments and everything. It really bummed me out. It really started to make me feel like powerless and I was still getting about it all night.

I was like, I'm fucked. Maybe they do all control you. What if this guy's right? He was telling me all these examples and he was a very smart guy, because you know, years and times and days and names. And I was like, why don't you come on my podcast and talk about this.

He's like, no, I'd never go on. He's like, you know, people who talk about this on the podcast, they don't last very long afterwards. Not the way I'm saying all the knowledge he had anyway. Yeah, dude, I really got in my head. And then I was thinking, well, you know what, I can't control it. You know, if I am being controlled by the government,

that's the world I live in. You're in the Matrix. That's it. You're in the Matrix. Give me the steak. I'll give you the information you need just put me back in the Matrix. And let me have a steak.

Just happy to be in the Matrix eating steak. Yeah, I mean, yeah, there's people that want to be out of the Matrix and the Nebuchadnezzar and fighting and looking like shit and smelling like shit and Fighting these the fucking the matrix. I'd rather be in the matrix enjoying a steak and Walking by and everyone's gonna see a blip in the matrix. I'm like, what was that? Yeah, well little deja vu you like what the fuck was I here? Yeah, you were when we were doing repairs on the matrix At least you know, I have to eat that oatmeal. Yeah.

No, they got to update the matrix. But I mean, I get you, dude. I understand. There's some people that want to change the world. And, you know, but even the people that want to change the world don't want to change the world fully. They want to change. I think the people that I listen to, that want to change the world, don't want to change the world fully. They want to change, I think the people that I listen to,

that want to change the world, want fame, wants money, and wants success, through their opinion of changing the world. So they just want to change their world. Yeah, again, back to, you know, if what they were doing would risk everything, like what you did. You risked your fucking career with NBC by trying to be creative for what you believed in. You think it's funny, so you're going to do it.

Not only did you commit to a character, which is hard to stay in character, to go on stage and do that. You wrote jokes for it, and then you went up and you did it on the show and it was being filmed. That's balls, that's balls to me. To some of the people, it's fucking stupid. It's just dumb, but to me it's balls, but I think even the people that we look up to, like oh my god, like Al Gore, he wants to change the fuck

he wants more. He became a billionaire off of it. He wants money. He's the one to see the richest person from the environment ever Yeah, and here and I remember you know, and you watch all these people these chicks and stuff out and with clipboards You want to help green piece and blah blah blah and Fucking Money already they do it from get it from Al Gore. They do have a lot, they have a lot of money. Because you know what he does is all these specific

like refrigerators and this and that that he tells you to buy, he has a stake in that. He gets money from every single one of those. Yeah, and those, those echo miles that you can buy. Yeah, every little thing that he's selling products. He's out there, he's out there, he's just a traveling salesman. If the really, really expensive products.

And what really are we gonna change? No, I don't know. I don't think it changes in one. That's why I'm fucking, the only thing I can fucking control is fucking, fucking my fatness. And these terrible fake pretzels. Yeah, I'm pretty sure regular pretzels are not bad for you. I think dieticians give you regular pretzels.

I'll tell you what it is. This podcast is all over the place. It's not the food you're reading. It's when you're reading and how much you're reading is what you're learning to control. Is that you're waking up and having something, which I usually don't. And then you're, you know, two hours later, you're having something else, which I don't.

So I'm changing the way my body, how much food my body needs. Can I, what did you do last time when you got really skinny? You came into my show one time, my God, how good look I'm was at. You you look amazing. I'll be back, but you're also You were you're a little preachy about it and you know look at this I did this you could do this and I said well you haven't maintained it yet You put a fucking voodoo hex or voodoo on it. Didn't you?

This is your fault You voodooed me. You put a fucking headroomed fat, huh? But you can't be preachy right away when you lose the weight you have to wait like 10 years Hey, and then be like look what I did you can't jump right into it I wouldn't be where I'm at and if you didn't fucking throw those chicken bones down From fucking puppies on the fucking doll you made of me You voodooed me you fucking twat God dammit God dammit what did you do to lose the weight that time? You voodooed me, you fucking twat. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha it six, this is my six fat. Do you understand? I haven't been skinny fat my whole life. I'm

supposed to be skinny. I'm not supposed to be fat. Like I look at you and I'm not saying this to be mean, but you could be a big guy. I'm fat fat. You're skinny fat fat fat. Right. You're fat fat. But I've been, I've lost weight and last time what I did is I went on the South Beach which is healthy food just you know certain portions a day and no carbs light but healthy carbs real good carbs wheat and stuff like that but certain meals a day and then I went to the gym. Why not do that again? I'm gonna but what I did with this many fast the the reason why I did it, number one, I needed something immediately.

And I needed to be here. I can't cook it, I can't make it, I can't buy it because I won't do it. I'll fucking eat shit. I didn't have it, I knew where I was at. I didn't have the ability. And my wife's not doing this. Last time, my wife of did it with me

So she cooked all the food every week, so you got to get her fat again So Get her fat so that she can help you both get skinny. So do you understand? So I I needed this and I really wanted something that I could wake up and just eat Mm-hmm. And I never have to think about it So that's why I'm doing this. And I will phase out of this and I will probably to wait watchers type of thing. If not wage watchers itself.

Go away. No, I don't wanna, you know, I know. I know you've been there, right? Yeah, it's good. How is it? It's really good if I would have kept going. I'd be in grade shape right now. See, look, I know what to do.

I'm 40. I know what to do. I know what I have to do. I know what I can't do. And you can eat shitty. You can eat good 90% of the time and shitty 10% of the time. And you'll maintain your weight. I know that.

But what happens is I've used food as a reward or punishment. When I get a gig or something good happens, I'll go take my wife out to dinner. Come on, let's just celebrate. Oh, when something bad happens or I feel crappy, I'm depressed, I'll be here and I'll get a pizza by myself or a hamburger or late night, just I'll eat shitty or I'll go to the pizza.

Yeah, I'll eat the whole pizza. You can't put down a whole pizza. I guess I can't never challenge myself You could some impressive you could I've had pizza over a day where I've only ate pizza that day I've had days of like breakfast lunch and dinner where pizza I've put in one sitting and entire all fucking sitting. That's pretty impressive I can eat a whole pizza no problem. I can eat. I'm sure I could do it. I just haven't done it. I guarantee you could. I'm sure I could. But you know, I mean, look, bro, like I said, again, nobody gives a fuck about you. Nobody cares. You only care about yourself. The only

person that gives a fuck about you is you. You have to take care of yourself because nobody else will. And sometimes I don't take care of myself. And now I am. I quit smoking. I'm on this again. I have to take the abuse from the fans of fat and fat and fucking fat again and you get and fucking, you know. But there are some fans that are real supportive that are like, great, good job for you.

You've helped me. I quit smoking. You can do it, which I love. But, you know, you got to, I just got to go through it again. And then I'll be I'll be skinny and again in around six months wait like for three years before you tell me like I know all right before you do the food a buffer zone but yeah so I definitely we have to actually end this podcast because I have to go to therapy to actually fucking which is a key okay do you go to therapy to actually fucking, which is a key. Okay. Do you go to therapy? No. You should.

All right, I'll go. Okay, come with you now. Wait, what'd you fucking? I'm with you to therapy. No, you should do. I brought my friend. Do you think you need therapy? Of course.

You do. Of course, yeah. Really? I think so. I, I, who doesn't need therapy, but would it benefit me? I'm sure it would benefit me. I think, I take that back. I don't doesn't need therapy? Can I take a need therapy, but would it benefit me? I'm sure it would benefit me. I think, I take that back. I don't think you need therapy.

I think you're, I think you're genuinely happy. Sometimes, I get depressed sometimes too, you know. Yeah, I know, but I think that depression helps you. Do you know what I mean? It's don't want me to enjoy what you got going with therapy, you got it. I just don't want you to be better. I just want you to be you. You know, you need to maintain me the way I am. I me to enjoy what you got going with therapy. You got. I just don't want you to be better. I just want you to be you. You didn't maintain me the way I am.

I want to maintain, you know, control for your experiment with the pretzel. I want to get your cousin on. Oh yeah, he's some time. He's got one. Yeah, I want to get him on sometime. We should do it. When do you think we can do that?

I mean, he doesn't do much. We haven't called in one day. Yeah, I'll talk to Colin. All right, so maybe next podcast we do next week we'll have him call in. Yeah, he doesn't do much. He's so neat. We have him calling one day. Yeah, I'll talk to Colin. All right, so maybe next podcast we do next week, we'll have him call in. Yeah, he's a funny dude. You'll like him. What's his name again?

Well, Mark. Yeah, you want to talk. I have a few, but I think the one you met is Mark, right? Well, the one that I went to the hotel that time that I was talking to. Yeah, Mark. All right, yeah, that was Mark. All right, so yeah, well, I'm Colin,

but I appreciate you fucking hanging out with me This is just a laid-back podcast and and I come back on dude. I'm gonna I think I'm gonna have godfrey on Later in the week. I don't know if you want to come back with godfrey. Yeah, I don't know if you're that Yeah, I'll do it fucking crazy loud nuts. Yeah, I got a free. I love godfrey. I've had him money He's crazy all the time. Yeah, so maybe maybe you'll come back on him when we do it Um, I'll let you know, but it will have your cousin on till which would be great. Yeah, he's a maniac All right, brother. Um, what do you got going on anything? Yeah, be at the stress factory in New Jersey this Saturday night With who just me you headlining headlining you kidding me

Should I leave now you're lying? No'm serious I'm doing that for you's video on a business is you oh no no not the stress factor now I get the comedy shop I'm sorry you're talking about like the major headline clubs in this area the stress factory you know you're headlining on a Saturday of all nights. Go fuck yourself. I'm like the wrong. Did any fucking brand loses mind? No, no, no.

Come down, I will get my name. Okay. That's the comedy shop. Or whatever that is. Yeah, and New Jersey. Okay. I just mix the two up. The comedy shop, where is that?

It's in New Jersey. What's the website name? It's in New Jersey? What's the website name? It's in New Jersey. That's all you know and if you go to my Facebook page, there's a link to the show on there Comedy shop comedy shop and New Jersey, right? Yeah And you have no Can't believe I said the wrong club. It's JJ's comedy shop. Yeah, right JJ's comedy shop it's JJ's comedy shop. Yeah, right? JJ's comedy shop.

And you are there Saturday night and the phone number, if you want to call is 8665526633. Saturday night, JJ's, that's it, right? Yeah. And that's Rockaway, New Jersey. That's where I'll be. Rockaway, New Jersey, Saturday night where I'll be. Rockaway, New Jersey Saturday night. And send everybody the wrong club. I'll probably see you in a fucking headline show.

I'll enjoy it. Yeah, thanks for doing this. And again, guys, thanks for donating. Next week, we're going to actually, you guys, a lot of people have been donating, man. It really appreciated it. It helps keep this thing getting better and keeps, you know, maintaining what we got going on.

You guys are fucking great. Some of you are donating every month. Fucking awesome. Appreciate it. And don't forget to donate more. No, don't forget to subscribe and fucking spread the word. Tell people, tell your friends, tell your friends friends. Tell everybody, man.

Bring it up at a barbecue. Yeah, get people into this fucking show man it's it's been kind of trailing off a little bit really yeah we were kind of really fucking popping for a minute come back come on my show and and synergy it synergy it all right we will but no I mean we got thousands and thousands of listeners but you know that iTunes thing which I'm addicted to which makes me feel good When I see it, I was in the top 100, yeah, that's a good feeling kind of trailed off a little bit this week, which is fucking is bugging me There's a fucking true she-mail that has a better one more popular part

It's a horrible thing to look at I stopped looking at it because I was in it. I was out of it I was in it and when you're out of it, you feel like your life isn't going that well All of a sudden you're like, yeah, I Want for me. I don't know because I maybe I put my whole life into this. I have other things going on But oh, you know what? Can I plug the podcast on Monday? Yeah, absolutely. We got Larry King I don't know if this is playing Monday though Well, you could download it afterwards if you miss it. We got Larry King, Comical Radio, Ninetunes, Larry King, and Anthrax. We have.

Actually, one of my favorite podcasts. Thank you. So yeah, I love being on it. I think it's great. And it's been around for a long time. And you guys definitely, whoever listens to this should support your podcast. If you don't already.

So go check that out. And thanks again, guys guys for listening to this. You know what dude, podcast, that's it. Thanks for having me. Thanks again for listening to another episode. If you know what dude, podcast on gloryholeradio.com and make sure to check out all the other shows on the glory home network. If you're using the Stitcher app, type in the word fought when you you register. iTunes users, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review.

If you're a real fan of the show and you want to show your support, go to gloryholeradio.com, slash Robert Kelly, and hit the donate button. $10 will get you a shout out on the air, $20 will get you my first CD, Robert Kelly Live, not available in stores. If you have any questions, de la noche. Con volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desesperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros.

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