Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Me and Jim Norton... Enough Said

Episode Date: June 27, 2011

Me and Jim Norton... Enough Said Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Glory Hall Radio Network GloryHor radio.com Hey, what's up? Hi. Don't talk. I told you. It's another episode of You Know What Dude. Don't Talk. What are you going to do the intro?

Fair enough. And I am here with my good pal, one of my good friends. It's Jim Norton. You know you fuck around though but I tell people I'm going to do shit. They cannot not say anything. They have to go Shut the fuck up. Yeah, what were you? I got out of you do a straight. I'll just be good. No, it's good. That's good. That's good So yeah, I'm here with Jim Norton and We've known how long have we known each other?

I want to say I don't know Over 12 years right 12 years, right? Yeah, I was long time. I'm Don't come to 21 years. I think was in the city maybe even more than that Yeah, what year did you come to New York 97? I think it was I think it was 98 97 98 I know you're probably 13 years. In that area. Fuck, we've known each other for over a century. Kidding.

Ah, are you kidding or are you kidding? Okay. There's one thing about you that you do. There's a face you get. Yeah. Cause I fuck up, we all fuck up. Sure. Not, you know, Voss fucks up the most.

Yeah. But we all fuck up. And we're all sitting around the table. And when somebody you know, Voss fucks up the most. Yeah. But we all fuck up. And we're all sitting around the table. And when somebody says something that's just wrong, like the other night, I fucked up Morse code. I said Morse code instead of Morse code. Morse code, right. And your face, there's something that happens to your face.

You know when you immediately fuck up around you, because you turn into a statue. Your face goes blank and you have this look of pure disgust and hatred. Like if you had the tip of an arrow, you just slice the side of my fucking trachea. But it is actually just joy, masked with hatred, but I got you.

And you can, I'm processing the beauty of the cup of it. You can see a million things happen at once. Yeah. What do they'll be saying that he said one. It was, oh, he fucked one up. Oh, we had Michael Potsin from Book of Mormon and he was brother and was on the wire. Right.

And he was a great guest. And after we're off the air, we're talking about, we want to get JD Williams in who played Bodie. Right. And he was a great guest. And after the we're off the air, we're talking about we want to get JD Williams and who played Bodie. Right. And so, oh, uh, says, yeah, we're trying to get, uh, we're trying to get Dodie and, uh, and in front of Michael, I had to go to Bodie. I had to, and he asked me like, you're right. I'm like, I had to go at you because if I didn't, you would have sent it again. Yeah. But if it was me, you would have, right, head my head almost fucking fainted right now Yeah, you know what a fucking great podcast that would have been if you just wow literally

I don't know why I passed out on my podcast on the floor and I was recording do you understand how popular this podcast would be Do you get lightheaded like I really lightheaded. Yeah, wow you didn't eat no I beat night I ate I really lightheaded. Yeah, wow you didn't eat no I beat night. I ate Egg whites this morning and I had fucking plain fat free yogurt and some blueberries. What'd you do yesterday? Maybe they have somebody to do with it. I don't know Wow, that was weird. Yeah, I was caffeine. Yeah. Oh my god. It's moving. I don't want to guess Are you alright? Yeah, can we go forward? Of course forging right ahead You know the the thing about you though that mean you, I relate to you on, is that we have this fucked up sex addiction.

Yeah. But it's, I saw this as Mike with Bob Barker right now. This fuck, oh god, that's just terrible. I don't want it. I'm still fucking dealing with it. I'm still dealing with it. It's this fucked, there's some need, there's something we get out of the hunt of getting sex from either a square or a prostitute

massage, Paula. I've spent our men in a dress. We get saved that for the end. But what do you enjoy most about? What do you get off the most? Is it finding that specific type, like trying to match up what you want as perfect as you can get it?

And trying to find that is that. And then when you kind of get it, it's like, oh my God, I found it. And then you just abuse it until you're done with it. And then you're onto something else. Is it the actual sex act? It changed over the years. It used to be, all right, get a hooker, get a blow job.

And then that goes away because there's no challenge in that. Then you start making money. And it's like, within reason, I can afford to get what I want. I then that goes away because there's no challenge in that. Then you start making money. And it's like, within reason, I can afford to get what I want. I have no wife, no kids. So I mean, I'm single now, but, the money was not an issue, because it doesn't cost that much. It's like, so when you know like,

okay, I can go out and get a hooker, where it used to be, if I spent 20 bucks on a blow job, like literally, I knew that I had to spend 20 bucks on a blow job. Every dollar counted back and, you know, when I was 21. But once you know, okay, I literally, I knew that I had just spent 20 bucks on a blow job. Every dollar counted back and, you know, it was 21. But once you know, okay, I mean, I can't go out and get $1,000 escorts. But I mean, you know, if I want to get a hooker for 300 bucks, I can do that. So the novelty of that isn't like what it used to be.

And then just getting the blow jobs isn't what it used to be, or fucking a fan isn't what it was when I first started, because now there's pregnancy risks. There's all these risks that are no longer worth it. So the challenge for me, like I would like to get, and I have in session in so fucking long, man, like I can't say I really miss it, but I'm sure I will again on my life. I'm not gonna lie in town there, do it.

Getting a massage and getting a legit masseuse, trying to get them to jerk me off, or do something, which a lot of times you don't. Over half the time, you're not able to, maybe 70% of the time, you can't. They maybe just accidentally brush against your asshole or they don't at all. But it's that buildup, it's the possibility.

Right, and the talking, and they being nice in the conversation, and then the bringing talking and they being nice in the conversation and then the bringing up certain subjects to see where she's at. And I've spent more money on legit massages that ended with a hand job than on hookers. Like I've spent a time 600 bucks to get a legit masseuse, but I know it's worth it.

It's worth it because I know you're not gonna get a pregnant. I know it's done. It's weird thing But again, I've had regular masseuses for a long time who never did anything like this Actually times where I would get like a real massage and actually want a real massage There's nothing better though when you get a girl that's legitimate probably has a boyfriend or you know family does barbecues She has a certificate. She went to school, and you get that person to actually grab your conque.

Yeah. Because there has to be, there's some type of sexual connection involved. Sure. She's attracted to you in some way. You go to an Asian massage, there's no attraction. Right. Some fucking, you know, 58 year old Asian lady

grabbing your conque, jerking it off. It's terrible. And, you know, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, making stupid sounds that patents you into it. But for some girl, regular square to do it, there's something that there's some connection that you made. And I have no attraction, along with the 600 bucks.

Yeah, which is ridiculous. And you really feel that when you, you call me next time. It's a lot of money. You can save yourself $400. But I've all, I can save myself $600. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. But I've also, I can save myself 600. Ha ha ha.

But I've found that when as time went on, you had to be careful of what people's motives were for fucking you. Like, I don't want to knock somebody up. Because that's a lot of money for 18 years. So it's like, it became worth it to do that because I knew where it ended. It was like, that's funny though.

You literally will dump this. You have 18 years, as soon as 18 years comes, that kid could fuck itself. If you're on school, shit face. So I found that it just changed to what got me off because otherwise I would have to go to such extremes. I felt that going, was taking a step back and trying to get like a real masseuse to do it.

Even if she didn't, it was still a good massage. And there's been plenty of times, like in the last few years I have, I've literally just gone to the spa's where the masseuses I've had have been legit. And it's like I don't feel like, oh I want her to jerk me off because I know it's the legit masseuse going in.

It's almost like, you know with most of these girls, a, they're not gonna do it anyway. And B, if you don't push them in that direction, they're never gonna do it. So you're never gonna have a regular masseuse or like a spa masseuse. But everybody, don't you think everybody has a price? I've thought that.

Don't you think that after? Okay, so you go in the first time, she doesn't, ugh. I've thought that the first, you give her all this money the first time and then she knows that you're generous. And she knows that you want it. So the next time and the next time she breaks down it goes, look, I owe this guy a hand job.

I've had that when they just know that you have the money to make it worth their while. But it doesn't matter. There's been many where I just knew that nothing you threw at them would get them to do it. Because they just won't do it. That's kind of a relief, actually. Like when I want to get a mosquito on a guy massage,

I mean I just don't feel comfortable. Like I've gotten it a few times. I thought it was gonna get a heart on it with that. Let's see, inlandlessy is tits. No, well that's different. That's just a girl with a special gift. What about females though? There's something, something look I'm not gonna sit here and go You're a fucking weirdo for liking Gmail's. Oh, well, why would you say such a cool thing? I mean look a lot of guys would a lot of guys

I feel like Tracy Morgan. I'm sorry It was the funniest and worst Tracy Morgan ever. It's not a good Tracy, but you know who it is. Yeah, yeah, I'm crazy. Yeah, but there's something about, what is it about females? What is, there's something about that female that some of them are just so hot. I don't know.

Exactly, but I just, here's what it's, here's the question, why does every man love a tranny? Let's get to the bottom of it. Yeah, really. Really? We don't know. No, there this got to be because you're not a bag no And the lovely girls. Yeah, but they have come that's so what what do we what am I what if they had blue eyes of brown eyes Well, why don't you just say what she's got her middle toe as long as I'm a fucking big toe who cares? I mean you don't me don't make those snap jerks. Can't be nice to everybody.

But, have you been, has there been a female that you've been with that has been like hotter than any chick that you've dated? I'll say this. I could probably now list down to seven. Jesus. That I would have married. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

There are a few that are fucking just. Would you have a date like seriously? If you got to the point where you had fuck you money, you didn't have to worry about cash for the rest of your life. You didn't, you know, you met one of these girls and she liked you and you liked her. Would you not marry? I know you wouldn't marry.

Right. You don't have to. Would you say, fuck it, I want you to be my girl and go out and public with her? There's no one's ever had the balls to do that, but what about, let me ask you though. But did she have a dick? Yes, she has a cock. It's cut and it's fucking nine inches fully functional Yes, I would that's important. No, I don't know. I don't know. No, you know what I'm saying like yeah, I do like okay

You meet this girl you got fuck you money. You don't care what anybody thinks about you now anyways But you don't have to worry about money of your career being fucking tarnished And you meet this girl and she's a fucking she-mail and she's got a huge piece that fucking just fills up a Blood and a nice pumping vein down the middle of the fucking shaft and her balls hang a little bit and but she's smoking hot And you guys get along and you laugh together and you're friendly and she wants you to be Her girl her your boyfriend would you would you do that because no one's at the balls You've never seen someone go out in public with a she-mail. The only person to talk about it comic wise is prior.

That's it. Eddie Murphy did it, but he's sneaky did it. Didn't he, he was dropping it off or something? I heard you, this is what I heard. He likes to watch them jerk off and he jerks off. He doesn't fuck them. He likes to watch him jerk off. He said that. I don't know.

No, me a tranny? Huh? A tranny to this? Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I can't reveal my sources. Okay. But, um, but probably was the only one to actually admit full-on look by the eyes fucking suck the cops. And let me just say for legal reasons that Bob is only passing out what he heard because Bob has no legal, even though I've listened to him talking to you last night about the Casey Anthony's round, I know you think you're Perry Mason,

but you can't just go all around saying that certain celebrities like to jerk off with females, you need to get sued. So you have to say this, legitimately, you've heard it, but you don't know it's true. That's what I said. Okay, but make sure that you care about it. But I said I heard it.

Yeah, but you make sure you say it. I didn't say, I saw it. No, I know that, but what you said. I didn't take a fucking court sketch of it. You can't just accuse any Murphy. All right, I get you. Well, I wasn't heard it. Yeah, but you make sure you say it. I didn't say I've saw it. No, I know that. I didn't take a fucking court sketch of it. You can't just accuse any Murphy. All right, I get you. Well, I wasn't accusing him. I don't know.

I'll put it this way. I heard that. But look, I don't give a fuck if he likes she-mails. I don't care anyways. I don't know why he would give a shit if Eddie, because he does. Eddie, if you hear this and you like she-mails, then I like you even more than I do. It's like this, man. No, I don't think I would date.

I wouldn't, I just love women. That's who I want to date. She's a woman. Of course she is, but I like women that I can beat arm wrestling. But you, there's none. No, I can't think. There's no women that you can beat arm wrestling either.

No, that's true. No, if I get fucked in the ass, I wanted to be the strap on. I just can't take it. I just have to take in a strap on. I've tried, sure. Really? Oh, yeah's true. No, if I get fucked in the ass, I want to be the strap on. I just can't take it. I just have to take in a strap on it. I've tried, sure. Oh, yeah. Sure.

I can't take more than a finger. I mean, neither. As soon as it gets past that second knuckle, it's too much pressure. It makes me have to shit. My ex-girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend, who just had no filter, she had no filter with things she would say to me. And just brutal, fucking hilarious girl. She sent me these really amazing texts. I literally have a section on my iPhone called you think I don't listen.

And I would write down things that she would... I probably can't read this. and I would write down things that she would say. You probably can't read this, but why? Just because she just says funny shit. She's like, just read the one from 11, 52. She'll just say that. She's just great and she's just. Yeah, you can't read that.

You can't read that. Just, no. She, but we were, it's just funny. But we were, she wanted to fuck me to the strap on. And I was like, all right. And you make her buy it, right? She had it. Oh, so I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, no, it was in my bottom drawer. I knew she had it, but she was gonna try to fuck me with it I just couldn't take it and she got a little bit in maybe an eighth of an inch and I was like, ah, I have to shit

I have to shit and she's like, uh, don't be such a faggot But she wasn't being ironic. She wasn't trying to like use clever word play. She really meant it in a don't in a school yard Faggot where don't be a pussy like you say to your friends, right? She's not a hinder of irony in a don't, in a school yard, where don't be a pussy, like you say to your friends. Right. She, not a hint of irony. She was so annoyed that I couldn't take the dick in the ass. And I would have, I mean, but I wish I could have. Was it a regular, like,

because some of them all, it's a small, but it's a regular looking cock. It was purple. It was purple? Yeah. I would, I wish I could get a strap on because that'd be a whole new thing to explore. Right. I would love to be able to get fucked in the ass, be a whole new thing to explore right I would love to be

Oh, yeah, fuck in the ass to strap love it really I can't do it Yeah, but I'm sure the people that got fucked in the ass for the first time thought the same thing for years Do literally I was cleaning out my ass haul yesterday in the shower And I got my finger in a little bit. I don't know if I have a little piece of torn skin It was after a giant dump and I just hurt. My ass can't take that stuff. I've never had... I had one girl that was wanted to do it to me, but she wanted me to buy the thing and I was like I'm not buying a fucking strap on. If you want to try this... It's on your dime. I'm not paying for it either. But I got into a phase back when I first moved to New York. I would have just specific girls would eat my asshole.

That's all I had them do. I had this 18-year-old. She literally, I met her at 17. Two weeks, she was 18. I waited two weeks. And on the day after she turned 18, I had her eat my asshole. And that's all she did. We never fucked.

There was another girl through the bartender, that Spanish bartender. She would just eat my asshole. It's time I'm the Spanish one. I remember she was eating my asshole. And I got so into it, I was like, yeah, look that pussy, eat that pussy. And she looked up like, ugh, let's, ugh.

But I, you know, I was at your house that one time, with that fucking broad, and she was eating my asshole after a hot, fucking July boat ride. She got a little piece of, I just like, I love my asshole eating. It's wonderful. I love when they milk me,

and they put you on all fours and pull your cock from behind. But it's very embarrassing. Like sometimes I'll, you know, I would be at massage parlors and they'd start to rub your asshole. And it's very embarrassing when people aren't into that because I, like, I would pick my ass up and kind of get on all fours.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they go, they tap your ass, no, no, no, no, get back down. And you're like, ah, fuck. I just got on all fours for this lady and she was like, what are you doing? He's a dog boy. Yeah, I've had that a lot while you push your ass back and they're just not taking the hint,

or they're teasing it, but it's obvious they're not gonna slip a finger in. Yeah, the worst though is when you get a massage after you've taken a big shit. And evenly you try to, I remember years ago, geez, I forgot about this, I had a massage therapist who was gonna eat my ass. And uh, I was legit.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, I mean, I knew she was, you know, I used to see, I think this is over at 5, what were you still living the building? 520. Um, there was, there was back in those days and she was going to eat my ass and I had showered. But I'd taken a big shit before. So it was like the piece had broken off in there. And so she was just kissing my ass cheeks and she goes, goes well if you hop in the shower, I'll lick your ass

But already showered Oh, so it was a piece of shit now wasn't a piece because it was mushy like no it was way back in there But obviously the area I had that after a gasoline spill you clean it up in the room But you didn't want to be the still a duck with oil on it. I had I had that Spanish girl did that to me It was we met her downtown literally I took outside of her fucking work and we're talking for a second She goes, all right. Let's go. Let's go eat your ass and we went up to my place by the time I got up there Though we took the train my ass was hot. We get up there. I get on all four. She spreads mass. She just slapped it She goes go wash your ass, stinks.

And I just ran in there and scrubbed it real quick. I got a raster. No, I thought it was funny. I thought I was like, thank you, because I don't want her to go down there and eat it and take the hit. You ever eat bad pussy and take the hit? You always have that like, this bitch's pussy stinks. If I could have just went, hey, go clean your pussy a little bit.

I don't mind a dirty pussy. Like, if I have chemistry with somebody, like, if I have bad went, hey, go clean, you pussy a little bit. I don't mind a dirty pussy. Like, if I have chemistry with somebody, like, if I have bad chemistry with somebody, nothing they do makes them sexy. But with good chemistry, I like a girl not to wear deodorant. I like her to stink. Like, and again, the only thing I want the breath to be fresh, the mouth has to be clean.

I don't want a girl's mouth to stink, and that disgusts me. But I like the armpits to smell like no deodorant fucking I love the ass to smell a little bit. Not terrible a little bit. The pussy like no shower for two days. Fucking feet. But that's if you have good chemistry with a girl, that's fucking hot. It's weird. I used to like hide all that shit. And you're it was so refreshing when I came to New York, like you and Patrice, you know,

Patrice is my friend, but there's something about, like when we talk, it was like weird that you could talk about anything. Yeah. You could just, anything was, sexually it didn't fucking matter. Remember the night we had the, at the table, we had a, everybody told them a lot of station story. con Bolotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan.

¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Bolotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en bolotea.com. I'm not supposed to be there, can I? Are you aware of that? Maybe I was, I was never molested. We, uh, yeah, manny, the owner of the seller, he had one, he got arrested in a tent at Jewish can. Oh, it's fine. Patrice's mind, but it was like, I'm sitting here. I hid the story, my whole childhood.

I was fucked up. it fucking, I walked around like a weirdo like, oh my god, they might find out. And now I'm sitting at a table with people ordering fucking chicken wings and we're all just laughing at it, being molested. Yeah. It's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's so small. It's so small. Yeah. Fucking Paul. Yeah. I used to, I used to tongue your Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm gonna tie you a muddy, you are smoking. Now let me ask, this is the point that are you ever gonna get to the point where you, I'm done? Do you think you're gonna, are you trying to do this until one day, just like I'm finished?

Are you trying to change now? Do you think the sex, the stuff you're doing now is gonna fuck up? I mean, dude, you know, I do wanna have a wife, do you wanna have a family? Do you wanna, do you see have a family, do you wanna, do you see yourself just being alone and doing this for the rest of your life?

I would like to have, like I'm single now for a couple of months. It's funny, my ex and I are still good friends. Like it's weird, we fucked up a few times. So it's not like we're still kind of attached to each other, but she's still like a really good friend of mine. That's never, I know if she starts dating somebody, it will hurt a lot, and I know if I start dating somebody it will

But because we still hang a little bit and I haven't had to go out But all your friends are getting married all your friends. I mean, you know Everybody's kind of with somebody and in a relationship or heading towards that I don't mind because that bother you and you see yourself getting married and having kids no because the addiction has been like while you dated the porn was bad too yourself getting married and having kids? No, because the addiction has been like, while the data to the porn was bad too. But since we broke up, I've kept the addiction to the porn. Like, I've just, but it's been bad because we haven't been,

you know, we've done something other a couple of times, but it's not a lot. So it's like, these times we would have been having sex. I'm just zoning out on the computer and jerking off. Like, I've literally wasted days. And again, there's a lot worse stuff I could be doing. Like, I look at that. Like, I've literally wasted days. And again, there's a lot worse stuff I could be doing. Like, I look at that, like, I'm happy that I'm not out, just fucking girls who I know want to date me.

I'm just fucking them to be, you know what I mean? Like, I'm not doing horrible shit like that. No, I hear you, I mean, I agree with you, but I do need the addiction to be addressed. I go to therapy, I'm leaving shortly for therapy. It has to be fixed. I know that. But it's like, I'm leaving shortly for therapy, it has to be fixed. I know that. But it's like I won't lose the perversion, but I would like to just act out with a person

as opposed to on the computer by myself or eventually I don't want to go back to hookers and stuff. Because I mean, I just, I mean, I don't know if the, if in your head, so you're saying that you want to actually deal with this conversion, I know I have to. The addiction and find somebody who will sexually will be all that. So you want to be you want to get married something.

Do you want to get married to a being like a gene semin that no idea? I mean, I don't I don't think about marriage. I don't feel pressured to do it. And actually maybe, I just want to be with a long term. Like, we go from now to go for over two years. Which we never should have lasted that long. It's amazing we did because like, you know,

just the way we were so opposite. Like, that's the opposite. I'm a lot older than her. We fought a lot at the beginning. But we wound up having a pretty good relationship. It was just the fighting that ended it. So part of it was her because she's ended it. So part of it was her, because she's a little nuts and part of it was me,

because I'm nuts and my anger is bad. But we just fought too much. It was one of those things, like we would have been together for a long time, but we fought too much. And it was one of those things where you can't put it on, both of our fucked upness played into it. So it's not like, well, she just changed this,

because then I'm still me, or if I just changed something, she's still her. So I don't feel any pressure. I mean eventually will I get married? Maybe. I don't know. Like I was funny. I would be mad or I'd gone so glad when I married and she would like shoot shoot back. You think I want to fucking marry you? And knew she meant it. I'm like, I really am delusional. I'm acting like, you know, you didn't get the prize, baby. She's just happy. She's like, 42 old fucking appendix scarter. Well, you know, you said something interesting too

that, you know, the money, it has something to do with the addiction too. And that has to do with my, I just realized my food addiction, one of the reasons why in the last 10 years, or I would say eight years, that my food addiction has gotten really bad, I've really ballooned up and stayed up. I used to, in my 20s, and you know, I've had a food addiction my whole life, and I've ballooned up and gone up, but never

really passed a certain point. But in the last eight years, I'd say, I've really gone up there and it has to do with money. When I first moved to New York, I was eating noodles and noodles. I didn't have the money. I couldn't go to any restaurant I wanted to do with money. When I first moved to New York, I was eating noodles and noodles. I didn't have the money. I couldn't go to any restaurant I wanted to. I couldn't afford to fucking eat out. I had to eat at this place, in this place, at comedy clubs, and that was it. That was the only food I got.

Now, having that credit card, and you can go into any fucking restaurant, you can buy whatever the fuck you wanted. I mean, within reason, you know, but I can get any, so with sex too, it's, you know, I kind of, I'm trying to, I actually went away from sex and the hookers and the, all the bullshit and put it over in food and, exactly. Exactly. And buying shit, because you're married with the same girl for a while, so all that sexual

acting out that you would have been doing you're doing with food instead. Yeah, and it's, it's having the money to do it Yeah, is it fucks you up It makes it harder to reason it's almost free now. That's what it feels like. It's free It's like you walk in and here just take it. I don't even look at the check. I don't even fucking look either I don't either I used to look at the check with panic. Yeah, I'd go out to eat with you guys when I for I remember you guys We're like let's go get some food to look at the check with panic. I'd go out to eat with you guys, when I, I remember you guys were like, let's go get some food.

I would go out to eat with you guys, and I'd be shaking when the check came, because I don't know how, I, what if I owe more than I have, because I don't have it, and I don't fucking look at it now. That's one of, like, it's like these little luxury things,

like, which is one great thing about the business or I have to, within reason, I like, I have to be careful of where I live. I like where I live, I can't squat and buy whatever I want to apartment wise. I can't just go out and spend X amount on a car. Like I have to be smart about it. But if I want to go out to eat,

I can eat whatever I want within, you know, again, within fucking reason. It's nice to be able to go out and do that, or if I want to, if I want to get blown, I can spend 250 to get blown. Right. Yeah, but I'm gonna be the guys that can drop three grand on a hooker, but I can't do that.

Maybe someday. Yeah, it's just something to work for. I, um, you know, yeah, it's fucked up. It's, it's, and I get scared the more popular you get, the more famous you get, you know, that it's going to get harder. Yeah. It's going to get harder because when you have just a disposable income, you know how that's gonna be not to just go fucking, you know, fuck something or just buy whatever the fuck.

You know, people say, how the fuck did MC Hammer waste all his money? I fucking know how. And it's, I'd be fucked because you said what happens is you think you have everything paid for. And then you have bad business managers that are not paying your taxes and that are stealing from you. I don't know if his manager stole from him but it happens to a lot of people. Yeah. On comedians, I think we watch our money better because we normally don't have

residuals like musical residuals. Yeah. For my albums and stuff so I would... I'm careful with my money. Like I know I have a rough idea of where my stock is my apartment's paid off like I dumped everything I had. And do. That's my mother. My father's more of a bit of an irresponsible ass like I am and my mom is the one who taught me, don't live beyond your means. Pay your fucking money.

Isn't it crazy though, because when we first met, dude, we both own apartments in New York City. We both, you know, we're living pretty good lives. You're better than mine. No, not in great life. You have a great apartment. I love your place. Well, yeah, it's a good, it's a great apartment, but you Not a great live. You have a great apartment. I love your place Well, yeah, it's a good it's great apartment, but you know, you know, I'm just I was a joke

I didn't go over too well now. I feel shitty Because you just fucking just faked it. No, you're doing good to you But you are it was like but you didn't say that joke you were like you're a little better than mine I didn't have to take that But it's crazy where we came from you used to live in a shit hole I lived on 97 Street in Lex with Billy Burr and some African dude You lived in some shit hole in Jersey with Florentine and it was funny though. We didn't even give a fuck We still fucking got chicks. We didn't even mad about now

We both own homes. We're both fucking successful. We both making money. It's fucking weird But we're still just as fucked up as we were back then that shit didn't fix anything. No the problems are still there Like I'm still to say wherever I went there I was You know, yeah, no, no the same guy. I mean I'm smarter than I was or my act is better I'm more responsible I think but yeah, I mean, I'm still a pervert. And I'm still a fucking a whole filler. I still need the, you know, the God hole or whatever filled constantly by outside shit. Yeah, he's what I've been doing lately. Like I've been obsessed with different, I, I said to myself to slow down the sex addiction, because now that I'm single,

I'm like, I'm scared. I don't want to go out and just fuck a bunch of girls. I don't want to waste everything I have on prostitutes. So I've been, like I said, the porn has been been on the computer. Um, but I've been trying to waste everything I have on prostitutes. So I've been, like I said, the porn has been been on the computer, but I've been trying to, I've dedicated myself to reading. I'm gonna read all these biographies with these people we've interviewed. Then I haven't read, I've been tearing through books. I've been a Sugar Ray's book, I read fucking a Brock's book

I'm reading, and I'm fucking Flavor Flavours book. Anything to distract me, I've been playing this online chess game, I've been watching this going through series again, watching Game of Thrones, anything to distract me I've been playing this online chess game I've been watching this going through series again like I'm watching game of thrones Now anything to distract me and split that time up So I just I have nothing to do all day. Let me ask you question This is this is something I've always wanted about you because I know you and you know, but sure comics don't hang out Probably in the mouth. I knew this clean. Oh, so I think this the

Comics don't hang out like regular friends hang out. It's not like you, you know, hey, my dobo rings. And you're like, hey, I was in the neighborhood. Right. You know, we don't do that shit. We hang out when it's planned. It's like, I'm around here.

I can do it then. We'll see each other at the clubs. Very rarely do we say, hey, let's go. Can we see each other all the time? Right. And we also are used to being away from each other. Like I was thinking, it's not unusual. unusual like where are you gonna be this weekend? Maryland because you'll be a Maryland. I'll be here in New York and like to say Vos might be in Texas

Where Collins on the Hampton were used to not seeing each other for a month. Yeah, it's not where were you I was in San Diego and I stopped I went to Austin. You don't give a fuck. It's like regular office people see each other every day It's it's it's different It's like regular office people see each other every day. It's different. It's a more needy relationship. Who are, I don't think ours is, there's, no, there's is. Yeah, they're more needy because it's like, what are you doing tonight? What are you doing this weekend?

They see each other all the time, but also from five o'clock to six o'clock on, it's dead time. And they're private time to them where they're non-work time. It's more important to them because they don't enjoy their jobs as much as we enjoy our jobs. And so their time away from their job means a lot.

We have a lot of time off. I mean, and I see my friends doing radio too. So I see all you guys, I see, but it's probably more often than you do because I'll do radio with them. Right, yeah. Well, here's my question is though, is that what do you do?

Like, you know, at night, what the fuck do you do? You come home after radio and then you do your spots We know that you we know you do radio a lot of hours though, and you do spots It's four hours and then two hours. No, I mean I'm done with radio at 10 in the morning Right a lot of times I'll tape for the boring or sim home by 11 and then my next my spots at nine and then what do you do? 10 hours. What do you do? Um, it depends sometimes I nap Um, I work out. I don't always do you do? Sometimes I nap. I work out.

I don't always do it. But when I'm having a good day, I'll nap for an hour, two hours, have a nice lunch, and then sometimes I'll write during the day, or I'll watch a series. See, for us watching a series, like watching a game of thrones right now, is not that bad because if we interview one of these guys unprepared and be, I can talk about it on the air. So it's like watching TV for us, is not a complete waste of time.

As long as you're not doing it just to fucking zone out and get away from the world. There is a legitimate work reason to watch a series. Especially for you too. Well, I'll just, I'm like, I have to fill the time. The radio, yeah, yeah. So like, you know, I don't mind, I don't feel bad when I do that.

Or lately, I've been reading or playing this chess game. But again, a lot of times, it's just the second day's where I came home, and I'm home by 10-30 in the morning. And I start on a lot of looking at porn and reading sites and going on a craigslist, not even getting anybody. Just looking. And then all of a sudden, I like, I keep jerking off and edging and not coming and not coming. And then before you know

It's not a clock and I gotta go down the cellar. Oh shit. It dude. It's all anyone who doesn't think sex is an addiction man It's like you don't if you guys use that. Oh, it's just a guy It's like do you not understand how brutal it like Being just a guy does not explain edging for nine hours. I get I get very ambious of guys who are married and for nine hours. I get very envious of guys who are married and fuck their wives every day. And happy and have kids. And they, I just don't buy it.

I don't think they're being totally honest, but there are guys that are like, yeah, do you know me and my wife fuck all the way up a healthy sex life and we fuck and I love banging my wife. And I'm like, look, I love my wife. You wife, we have sex and it's sometimes it's good, but sometimes it's fucking hotrocious. Sometimes I'm like, I have to literally,

sometimes I've gotten off and be like, it's not her, it's me, I'm off and some fucking other land. And I envy that man, I fucking wish I could just meet a chick and it's magic and love and and and fucking you know Oh my god and make a baby and and still want to fuck it. That's what I'm nervous I'm trying to have a baby now and am I gonna be fucking totally turned off after she has a kid and Then what do I do? Well part of it? I think is that our threshold is very high because we're spoiled ourselves Most people as they, once you see something

you can't unsee it, most people don't spend a lot of money on prostitutes, or they don't get to fuck strangers at common clubs. They don't get their ass eaten by fucking hot, Spanish chicks. They don't, whatever it is that we've done to desensitize ourselves, they haven't done. So for them, but that again, and I'm not knocking people with believe it, I don't mean to shit on people with nine to five jobs, but a lot of them are content. They're a content, they're a goal of life. It's a different life.

They won't have a great job, they would have a wife and kid. And that is, they don't mind, it's the American dream. The American dream and the roof being over them and they see the ceiling and they're happy with that. For me, the idea of looking up and seeing the ceiling is terrifying.

The roof has to be off. I have to not know where the end is. And to me, a lot of things represent the end. Like marriage represents the end or a kid represents it. So I would envy somebody who could just fucking enjoy it and have a healthy sexual relationship. But also, I wouldn't be as funny if I was like that because that same craziness that makes me always look for more

also inspires me as a comic. I kind of disagreed that because when I decided to get married and kind of deal with my sexual issues as best as I could, it actually made me more honest on stage it actually I could I actually started because before that I was doing comedy to get laid sure I was trying to kill the room sweat fucking boom and day what's on talk to the Check I didn't care about that and it sucked to because I would see guys like you and Colin and you guys were Revolving all the time and you'd be bombing I'd watch watch you bomb. And all of a sudden you'd bomb and then a month later, you have this, it's just killing.

It's like, what the fuck? And I started envying that and it really got scared and petrified. And you know, but what happened when I finally got decided to go to therapy, I got more honest on stage. And when I got married, it wasn't the end. It was actually the beginning of a fucking of a whole new shit Where I it didn't matter anymore. It doesn't matter. I can say whatever I want

I don't mean that acting out makes you funny or you have to be in the act of it I mean having that thing like even if you're not acting out you still have it right even if you're not acting on it Whatever it is even if your sex addiction is addressed and you're faithful and you still have that thing, and I think that that's an important, it's almost like it's a package deal for me. My humor came with that and a bunch of other things that are wrong. The humor happens to be one amazing thing that comes with a package of shit. It's like we open a package of baseball cards, you get one good card and fucking ten of the shortstop that nobody's ever gonna hear a piece of stale gum Paces still exactly. Yeah, so we're all fucked

Did you know any comic that's not fucked up? No the only ones I can't I don't know with their problems Signed to a guy who I don't know is the OCD or I don't know he's been an asshole. He's an asshole I'll say it, but he has an asshole and Colin even admits it's like he's not an asshole because he's rich He's an asshole. I'll say it, but he has an asshole and Colin even admits it's like he's not an asshole because he's rich He's been that way since day one, but here's the thing with him though I don't know if he's an asshole because I've had nice conversations. He's not gonna hear this But I don't care. The point I'm making is yeah, it's easy to go. He's an asshole But I don't know if that's it or if he's just he there's a weird honesty to him. He's not an asshole It's exactly uncomfortable. That's what it was when he talks to you. He doesn honestly do him. He's not an asshole. It's exactly that. Which is uncomfortable. That's what it was. When he talks to you, he doesn't do things

that a lot of us do to make other people feel better, which we shouldn't do. Like Tom Papa tours them and he goes, it's so uncomfortable to go, it's because somebody will try to make him laugh and he just doesn't fake it. Like he doesn't feel the need. That's what I mean when an asshole.

It's not. He's not, he's not, he's not courteous. He's not, like he doesn't fake the need. That's what I mean when I ask Hulk. It's not out. Yeah, he's not, he has no, he does not courteous. He's not like, he doesn't fake the, you know, there's a story, he pulled up in his Porsche off front of the comedy seller. Cop comes up right in the ticket, girl goes out, hey, that's Jerry Seinfeld's, you know, you mind? And he goes, yeah, no, I'm sorry,

just having signed the ticket, my son's a big fan, I'll take care of it. He goes, she goes, and hey, Jerry, the cop is gonna give you a ticket. But he said, just sign the ticket, and he'll take care of it. He goes, she goes, and hey, Jerry, the cop is gonna give you a ticket, but he said, just sign the ticket and he'll take care of it. He goes, tell him to give me the ticket. Wow.

But that's, it's, is that an asshole? Or is that him just going, you know what, dude? I'm in the middle of a conversation right now. Fuck it, I take the ticket. I'm not a monkey boy that just sign shit, because you'll fucking, you know what I mean? I mean, that's an asshole to me. When you're that famous, like, there's literally nowhere in the country he can go, where

everybody in the room doesn't know his name and face. Like he's a weird level of famous. Like there's probably nowhere in France or England or a lot of places. It's syndicate all over the world. Everywhere, the name's Seinfeld is like, it's different than most comedy names It's five times a day on television. He's like he's almost like the night show. Yeah, so After a while I imagine that shit gets to be you stop worrying about being polite to every individual because Everybody's approaching you. Oh, he does that too though. I mean every I think we're all we're all fucked up

approaching you. Well, he does that too, though. I mean, I think we're all fucked up. My point is that we're all fucked up. Even the ones that don't seem fucked up or fucked up. And the ones that really don't seem fucked up want to blow in their fucking brains out. I admire the fact, like, and again, I've seen him talk to people he didn't want to talk to. He's been nice for a year.

I'm sure he's been courteous. But I admire the fact that he won't give a fake laugh to an annoying motherfucker where I will. And it bugs me that I will. I know it's a polite social convention, but it's annoying. Like, it's not like it's a buddy. It's some fucking dummy coming up to you and just being annoying. It's just that, but it is. It's that polite social thing. But I don't want that to annoy. I understand. I get annoyed too. And those are the it's that police social thing Yeah, I don't want that to know I understand I get annoyed too And those are the little things that you'd be like wow. I wish I could think that with I could just Be honest be as honest as you possibly can that's why I say is an asshole

But he's been like that. That's him. It's not him because he made 250 million dollars That's been him from day one. He's just brutally honest. So I have to respect that he doesn't fucking The not you how awful is that he went not you you fucking idiot He could have been he could have said. Oh, I'm sorry dude. No, I was talking to her But yeah, if you want to come up after you know, I mean no not you I Mean I gotta respect that it sucked Then I'm on the tail under that I told you I waved to him one time too and he just ghosted me He looked right through me.

We were on a, I did it, it was a benefit for Gerardo. Tom Pop was on it, Seinfeld had lined it in column, myself, and Nick, and bunch of guys. So it, at the beginning. So we're on this VIP reception line at the end, just for people, the audience who had paid extra for tickets to meet the comedians. It was all they all wanted to meet, Seinfeld.

And it was just, I was standing next to him on the line which chip chatting and I forget what annoying woman bothered him, but he was kind of polite to her, but not overly polite. He let her know she was being annoying. And I said to him, I said that to him, I'm like, you know what? I like about you. I was like, you just don't fake it. And he said, are you kidding? Like, I'm like, you do? He's like, all the time. I'm faking it with you right now. I thought of that.

But I was like, wow, I guess he is politeer to a lot of these annoying people that he wants to be. Or engages the more. He, a lot of times I've just noticed, and I know this shouldn't turn into a whole sign felt thing, I admire the fact that he a lot of times I've just noticed and I know this shouldn't turn to a whole sign felt they but I admire the fact that he handled situations the way I would like to because I've never seen him be rude to anybody who

like people have got a love you show or a big oh thank you I've always seen him be polite like it's never been like he ignored a fan who said thank you for doing a great show but it's when people do things that would be annoying he doesn't pretend it's not annoying right and I I kind of Like he doesn't want to be touched by people. He's what people put their arms around him who don't know him right And I saw it's one of the greatest things I've seen was a fan want to take a picture at the seller and he just put his arm and Jerry Was kind of kidding, but he goes we don't know each other. We don't have to touch and they kind of like a laugh But then he pulled his arm off him. Yeah, and it's like people say that's rude, but it's like no he's taking the photo

Yeah, but it's not something that's stranger holding him the general fucking public would be like do what a dick I get it that was too, but I I said all the time I respect them because it's him It's not him because he became that that's just who he is But would it be annoying like I would be annoyed if everywhere I went like I like being recognized fuck yeah because I have I can enjoy anonymity a lot of the time right I can go anywhere and be anonymous and I can get recognized enough but nowhere near enough to be annoying right he can't go anywhere in the free world and not be the guy everyone in the room is looking at I heard the nearest like that like I saw

him at a premiere of a play and he was at the after party and I was talking to someone. He turned me down for a picture. He wasn't really going, I'd take one, everybody will ask. That was like, all right. But I was talking to some woman

and she was on a set with him one time and she said, even on this set, everywhere De Niro goes, everybody stares at him. Like, because he's fucking the hero. He's one of those large and alive guys, where even on a movie set, where they don't give a fuck,

they all look at him. Nicholson's like that. Tom Cruise of that, when they did a few good men, and he said there was a buzz when Jack was on the set. Yeah, it's weird. It's weird, and I get uncomfortable around those situations, too. I get really obsessed over a photo. I know you do.

I know. I didn't really get it into into UFC. And I didn't mind doing it, but I literally became your photo boy. But you also got a lot of cool pictures. I did. I did, but I got rejected a couple. The machita fucking said no.

Did he? Well, I finally squeezed it out, but he was speaking English. He took you off the phone. Yeah, he thought I was like, you're a press, you know, your publicist or something. But I knew all the guys. Yeah, you did.

So you were like, who's that? And I was like, yeah, he's good. And so I had to run around and get these photos, but I didn't know how bad it was until we went there. But we did get a lot of fucking crazy. We got crazy, you got fucking a rampage. We got shot, we got shot Evans. We got some great people. Faber got fucking rampage. We got shot over shot Evans. We got your right

flavor. Favour and fucking round. Oh, no, no, who is favorite? There's a picture of me. You read Harris. I was favorite brown. It was um, not me. Not me. Yeah, and not me. Yeah, I got me. I got Shane John Jones. John Jones. That was a fucking good time. No, there was one we got with me you rye of favor and oh god He just fought who the gee Curly hair is he curly. Yes So annoyed curly hair. Yes, he's like he's in favors away class. I think Who I'll be into the G last name god G. Yes Dude, I don't know how you talk you do do. I do. You do. I'll have to look at it.

But here's here. I can't remember. I want to say I want to ask this though. Where do you see it before we go? We got to wrap this up right now. Are you where are you going to be? What are you going to do after radio? Do you see yourself doing radio for the rest of your life? Do you mean a comic or what is your politics? What? The politics of radio. I don't know. Are there going to be a politician? No. The politics of radio and the business itself is so annoying. I love the gig, but in management, and this is not about serious action, this is in any radio place you work. It's become so lawyer oriented like most of it are attainment that they make it, and

when you're doing five hours a day and you have to or four hours a day, it it's irritating to have to know that lawyers have so much input so I don't see myself being already up for it. If O'Bean Anthony don't decide to come back as the show and they wanted you to do your own show would you do it? I don't know man I mean again I don't need the money I mean I mean of course I need money but I mean I'm paid off on this and I know I can make my living doing stand up and I sometimes wonder okay I know I have this great radio gig Does it ever hold me back from being hungry or for other things good, but that's like I had to do other stuff Do you want to be on TV? You want to show? I love that's my next thing is I want my own show

I don't want to be a sidekick or a fucking I want my own show and I've written one and we'll see what happens with it maybe nothing and then I just blow my brains out and that's all. Well, with that, dude, that's perfect. I'm just gonna bug me, I can't find it. I'm looking for the picture. Of what? The God, like you'll know, he's either soon to the picture, it's me, you, you're right,

we're gonna buy the elevator, I think. We got him backstage, it was me, you, you, Reed Harris. We got Diego Sanchez. Do we? Yeah, we get Diego, you never sent it to me, but we got all your pictures. I've got all your pictures. I've got all those pictures. Not all of them. Okay, I'll put them all in the disc for you. Yeah, we get to get you. You never sent it to me, but we got to get all your pictures.

I've got all your pictures. I've got all your pictures. I'll put them all in the disc for you. Yeah, you sent me a few. Hold on, just before we go, let me find this photo, which we have. You arrive, Faber. Yeah. Brown.

Uh-huh. Uh, who else? Hold on. There you go. Oh, yeah. It's, um, not my brain froze. I'll clay Guida. Yeah, they're there.

The coprender. Guida. Guida, he just fought. He's fucking crazy, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's great. Yeah, we met all those guys, but this is the funny part is that people tell them like, oh, Jim Norton and they don't know, you're right, a favor thought I was you.

Oh, that's funny. He actually gave me his number. I have you're right, a favor, but thought I was you. Oh, that's funny. He actually gave me his number. I have your right, a favor's number in my phone, and I took it because I didn't want him to feel weird and be like, oh shit, and go up to you. So I, you took it because you wanted to have your right, a favor's number, and you figured, fuck him, he offered it.

And you didn't want him to go, okay, give that to Jim. You wanted to always have the option of not calling him. That's not it. I'll tell you the honest about truth. He walked over to me, goes, hey man, that's cool, man, here, give that to Jim. You wanted to always have the option of calling him. That's not it. I'll tell you, the honest of God truth. He walked over to me, goes, hey man, that's cool, man, you should give me, here, take my number, dude. And I go, okay, and I thought he was actually likes me, maybe he does.

And then it hit me after, because I'm realizing like, there's no way he should actually give me his number. He thinks I'm Norton. I figured it out at the end, like, okay, there's no way this could be true funny near a past that number all Will you do column? What are you gonna say hey? So I would say all right now Jim thanks for doing this man. This is actually really this is a good one

It's just fun. I can call my therapist. No all right buddy. I will I will talk to you guys later That was Jim Norton Jim Norton at Jim Norton on Twitter. No Jim Norton on Twitter. At Jim Norton on Twitter. Yeah sure. And eatable.com. Is that up? Yeah. I don't really use the website. Yeah. And that's it. And his phone number is 917-267. Wait, wait. Don't give you fucking no, it's my you say now number. I really don't use it anyway. All right, that's it man Thanks a lot for doing this buddy. Yeah, sorry, I'm sorry You know what it is? Really, dude, really, really You know what it is? I'm just stuck in a stick

Me you