Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Me and Joe D: Smoking, Breathing and Montreal

Episode Date: August 15, 2011

Me and Joe D: Smoking, Breathing and Montreal Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, what's up? This is Robert Kelly. This is Joe to Rosa. And you're listening to you know what, dude? Podcast on gloryholeradio.com. Really? You told me to be Zany. I didn't say Zany. You said you said do something silly. You said me silly. You said some word. I said I said another word. I don't know what I didn't say Zany. You said I have fun with it. Yeah, I have fun. I was fun for me. All right, we'll do it again Hey, what's up? This is Robert Kelly. This is Joe to Rosa

And you're listening to you know what dude podcast on glory whole radio.com. All right, just do one by yourself Hey, everybody. This is Joe to Rosa You are listening to you know what dude the podcast by Robert Kelly, my good pal of mine on glueryalradio.com. Keep listening and keep on trucking. Hey, what's up? Here is another episode. You don't gotta do the claps? No, you know what I have to do though?

Is intro the fucking show? And you know more than anybody, you don't fucking yap at the beginning of the show. You gotta do the claps. I do, that's when we do the four track. Oh, sorry, man. I'm sorry. This is me and you.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Well, it's too late now. We fucking, the beginning's already now. We fucking the beginnings already ruined But you know what? These fucking if people don't know what they're fucking listening like I have to introduce it Yeah, yeah, this is another episode. Yeah, we get it move on just start talking and get my fucking traffic right over with Yeah, exactly exactly. Yeah 45 at the gym Bob they're in and out they want to hear the jokes

They don't want to hear the bullshit. Yeah people who listen to my podcasts go to the gym Exactly, but now I'm gonna get a letter from some fucking mr. Universe dude I just want to say that I listen to your podcast and not all of us are fat Some of us are right All right. So, here we are, Bob. Yes. Back again.

This is Joe DeRosa, by the way, since Bobby's not gonna... Well, I was gonna introduce you, but you fucked that up, Joe. This is a podcast with me and Joe DeRosa. What do we call it, the original podcast? Yeah, this is like the main one. And you go off and do your little fucking pointy and one-on-one. Well, the fact is that this is not, this is first of all.

Let's just talk. This podcast is gonna be about a bunch of things. One of the things we're gonna talk about is Montreal. Yes. We were in Montreal and we promised everybody that we were gonna get a live podcast from Montreal and all kinds of fucking interviews. And me and you, we didn't get fucking one.

No, not one. Now, and I'll tell you, one reason is because first of all, I felt it'd be cheesy because everybody was there. And you know who else was there? A lot of fucking number one podcasters were there. And I felt it would be a little cheesy doing a podcast from a hotel fucking bar where everybody in the industry, every comic in the world, and the top podcasts in the fucking country walking by while I'm sitting there with a Zoom recorder,

me and you trying to, hey, we're doing a podcast too guys. Yeah. You know what I realized we were working to do it? When I, when I, you were drunk every night, fucking yapping to every industry person you're doing. I was gonna, we were gonna do one where I was drunk. That was the whole point.

Yeah. But you know, here's what I realized we were gonna do it when I ran into Chris Hardwick and I go, what, what shows you doing the festival He goes, oh dude. We're doing a couple live broadcasts of my podcast at such and such theater or whatever With a full audience. I was like, okay. Yeah, we're probably not gonna Me and you with a few sure 58s and a lobby Was it was gonna be a little embarrassing? Oh my god. They had Maran doing the keynote address

They picked the podcast. They wanted to be a part of this thing. Yeah, and we were just gonna weasel our way and but again another thing too is that it was It was fucking you know, but before we get into that let's you said you had a bone to pick with me. I say we start with the bone And I'm sure it was a rib bone or something pork related with me. I say we start with the bone and I'm sure it was a rib bone or something pork related with me. Yeah. Yeah. And you you have something. So let's start with that. Yeah, I got a good bone to pick with you Bob. Okay. You you lied to me about something. Yeah. Yeah. Do you see me? Do you see me? I lied to you about a lot of things. I was starting to pick up on it. Our friendship is one That's mean. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, listen. You lied to me

Okay, a couple Weeks ago. Yeah, I Believe it was on the podcast. Mm-hmm. I Said to you. Mm-hmm. Did you ever see the movie the end with Bert Reddleton, Dom Deloise? And you went, yeah, of course, dude, it's great. It's great movie. And I started naming scenes from it and you were just going, yeah, dude, it's great. It's great, it's great. So I just took your word.

I did see it. You had seen it. We talked about it. Yeah. One of my favorite Dom Deloisees ever. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We talked about it two weeks later

on another podcast where you went, dude, did you see the end? Have you ever seen that movie? And I could tell that you had just watched it for the first time. No, no, no. And you lied two weeks before, told me you had seen it. And then you started telling me about the Dom Deloiseeen

as if you were turning me onto it. If anybody listens to this podcast, it's pretty much repetitive. It's pretty much, we recycle, we only have a half a tank of information that we talk about. You know, we, we, we, we talk about pretty much, we've repeated stuff before. Yes. And I have seen it. I've seen the long time ago.

I remember, you know, I just rewatched it and forgot the conversation that we had. Because I was bringing up two movies, The End, which was a British gangster movie, which was fucking incredible, which goes back into the south end of London. And they go to talk this girl, the daughter of one of the gangsters, did a documentary. I brought that up. And then I believe I brought up the end, the other end, which I rewatched and was a fucking amazing. So I probably should have worded it better. Like, dude, I rewatched that movie after we talked about it, probably what happened.

It's like, why comics get accused of stealing jokes. It's not like you really stole a joke. Maybe you just fucking absorb something and forgot about it and then, you know. All right. I apologize. Yeah, I'll give it to you exactly. I'll tell you the same.

I apologize. Look, first of all, I'm not apologizing like you caught me banging your chick. So don't put the emphasis on it like it's a dramatic thing. It's all you had to say. Bob, that's what makes it funny is that we talk about it with the weight of banging a chick, but it's about a dumb movie. That's what makes the bit fun.

And here's what makes that. Here's what makes... Here's what makes what I was doing funny is that I was taking it the other I was taking the other way and Then you fucking broke down the fourth wall for the listener, right, right? That's against every improv rule in the book. Yeah, and so is what you did. Let's let them know what you did Somebody just sent me I don't know who the fuck this is somebody sent me on a fucking bathroom wall, Bob Kelly is fat, and then someone in

different handwriting wrote and handsome. Really? It's two different hand writings. Jesus. It's always good. That's fucked up. Yeah, thanks. I think that's actually from my mom's cell phone.

Let me see that. Hehehehe. You know what's funny? I'm sitting here. Yeah. Bobby was always kind enough to provide coffee and beverages when you come over to do this. Yeah. And he gave me this mug of water. And it's the RUR on the shore 2009 mug from Wildwood, New Jersey. So here's just funny about Bobby. Bobby doesn't drink or do any drugs or anything like that, but if you look, that'd be proud of that actually.

If you look, but if you look at his cups and glasses, he looks like a guy that just rages. He's got coosies and mugs. Roar on the shore. He looks like a freck guy that never let it go. Or like, you know, that's what your mugs would tell you. Well, that mug I actually got at the street fair.

I'm a big fan of the, what would you call that, a chalice? I'd call this a gauntlet. A stop. Well, yeah, I got that. I like the metal, the big metal cups to drink cold beverages from. Yeah, they're great. You should drink meat out of this.

This is, you know, but you just watch Robin Hood Fucking no nobody has the word and mead at the tip of their tongue Fuck is up. You just watch something no, we used to say when I was in college. You thought it was a funny word Yeah, this should never have anything is this should have wine or port or something like that or you know I mean it's a and I should just be spilling it singing old Irish songs yeah there we're here yeah that's my favorite one of my favorite cups I like drinking out of that big metal never seen it it's a great cup right now well that that is the bone bone. That's not really a bone.

It was not really a bone. I thought it was gonna be bigger than it was. Well, the fact is, you know, I thought you caught me in one of my other lies I said to you that was really bad. You know, I've caught you in other lies, but I don't, you know. I've caught you in lies? Not really.

Yeah, no, the fact that you think that you're fucking somehow a better human being than me makes me physically ill. I didn't say it was a better human being. Equally as a bag of shit as you. Yes. Just you lie more than I do. I don't lie. I do.

Other things more. Name one other time I lied. I don't lie. There have been times, you've told me, okay, here's a good one, that McDonald's story, you always tell me about you and Dane going to McDonald's, where you go. We got six, cut, a pound, this, three, fried.

Would you tell me that story? Because we just wanted to have enough that it would never run out. The number of things you bought has shifted so drastically. It's never shown to me that story. That's not true. That's not a lie, that's an exaggeration. Wow, that's not true. I'm like trying it a little bit. That's not a lie, that's an exaggeration.

Wow, that's not a lie. Really, we're gonna do this. A lie, first of all, and I didn't lie to you about the fucking end either. I did see it. I could see it in your eyes that you didn't know what the fuck I was talking about. Stop acting like you're a fucking FBI,

fucking analysis. Whatever the fuck word I'm looking for. What's my joke? You said it is that's the best I can come up with right now. Joe, that's not a lie. That's a fucking, I saw the movie, I listened to you and the next week I talked about it like I, you know, just saw it for the first time.

I brought it back up like wow, it's fucking amazing. Like you didn't talk about it two weeks ago, but I probably just forgot that we brought about. That's not a lie. That's a fucking miscommunication. And the actual, the story, I can tell you right now, it was 10 McNuggets, three large fries, two quarter pounds with cheese and a chocolate shake and the reason the story isn't about the other food it's about the three large fries because mcdonald's fries what sucks about it is you get them

and it ends there's always that one little fucking crunchy friday the bottom and it's gone and c to to actually overcome that dain actually told me this trick, because he's a fucking secret fatty. Right. He's shredded now, he goes to the gym a lot. Like once a day, twice a day,

he'll fucking really work out, because his food, he eats like five foods. You know, and he French fries in a burger is like his number one food source. That's his fucking favorite thing. So he told me, dude, this is what I do. You get three large fries, empty them into the bag that they come in,

so that you won't eat them all. You'll never be able to eat three large fries, but they'll never end. That was the fucking essence of the story. Okay. Okay, so that's what it was about. So the other shit was bullshit. Here's the thing, You're a bullshit artist.

You are two with comedians and showbiz. You fooled people into thinking you're a fucking a director and a comedian. Yes, I did. You're a bullshit artist. You're a bullshit. One of the funniest bullshit things I've ever heard you say ever We were in we were Montreal backstage at the show and Dawn. Yeah, your wife was there Yeah, and it was after you went and ate that you went to some dinner with that some guy and ate a pig head Pigs head and a bunch of other weird shit, right? Yeah, and it was obvious That you did not feel great afterwards. And your wife out of concern said, sweetie,

please don't eat shit like that anymore because it makes you feel like shit. And you said, this was Johnny Conchret level bullshit. You go, you go, I don't feel like shit. I feel different. I feel different because I ate food, I don't feel like shit. I feel different. I feel different because I ate food I don't usually. There's a difference. And it was like, I was like, what the fuck?

Where did he even pull that out of? It's true, that's the thing. If you let me explain. Right. When you eat, we're not used to, yeah. Yeah, hang on, hang on. Hang on. I let you finish. When we're used to eating certain foods,

pretty much chicken, steak, fish, potato, vegetable. Okay? And it's the cleanest, as Americans, because we're not savages. It's the cleanest cuts of meat. It's the freshest vegetables. It's, you know, everything is top grade, oh my God.

If it goes, if it's one day, you know, could be bad on fucking Friday, we get rid of it on Monday. At least others. So, other cultures eat this crazy shit, whether it be pig's feet or ears or heads and Testons and fuck all the shit. So I like to try that shit But when you try that shit your body's not used to

consuming it right and I had a pig's head They bring out a whole pigs head and it's mostly it's a lot of fatty the meat is very fucking You know gamey, you know, Gain me and, you know, the eyeball in the ear and I ate the snout and I tried a little bit of everything off the fucking head. And yeah, I did not feel, I did not feel the same. It's not that I didn't, I felt like I was gonna puke, I didn't feel like I was gonna throw up, I just felt different, I felt different. It's the, It's an amazing.

If the glove does not fit, you must quit, Joe. Yeah, yeah. And the fucking glove does not fit. It's amazing, dude. It was one of the best lines of bullshit I've ever seen in my life. That's a compliment. Thank you.

That's a compliment. I've got a friend, my friend Scott that I grew up with. Scott? You don't know Scott. I know, I just said that. Yeah. You'd love him. He's my a friend, my friend Scott that I grew up with. Scott? You don't know Scott. I know, I just said that. Yeah. You'd love him. He's my oldest friend in the world. Yeah. He'd love this guy. We used to call him the business when we were growing up because you know, we were in college, you know, working at Pizzeria's and smoking pot neck like idiots and he was managing a radio shack. He was just always that guy, but he's a lot

of fun. He's not a stiff. Yeah. So we always call the business this fucking guy. I have never seen a fucking spencer in my life like this fucking dude. You're like that too. He just knows anybody he's talking to. He's locked on them. They're the greatest person in the world. Hey dude, why did you fucking not call me back? And dude, I wanted to call you back. Here's what happened. These people fucked me and then I had to fuck you, right? You know he's that guy and you're like fuck you believe everything he says and then a week later you go wait a minute I don't like this compliment Joe. I don't hate you're good bullshitter. I'm not a bullshitter It's not underhanded. If anybody says it like it is It's not underhanded. If anybody says it like it is, it's me. I'll give you that.

I'll give you that. I say it like it is. But saying you're good bullshitter, I'm not saying, it'd be shitty if you did it in a mean way to like steal or betray people. You don't do it like that. You just know how to talk, dude. Well, here's a compliment to you.

Is that, yeah, you should get that face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you should squit your eyes when this is coming. Yeah, what are you. Well, here's a compliment to you. Is, yeah, you should get that face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. You should squint your eyes when this is coming. Yeah, what are you gonna say, right? Here's a compliment to you, fucking Joe DeRosa. Yep. Oh, this podcast is fucking gonna be a good one. Yeah, I know.

You fucking cocksaka and your birthday party. You're fucking, you know what? I say Montreal gets canceled every year and they just send everybody to your birthday party. You're fucking, you know what? I say Montreal gets canceled every year and they just send everybody to your birthday party at some fucking pub, at some trendy part of New York City because that's where the fucking industry is. Oh my fucking god, you befriend. That's how you're gonna make it in this business Not from any talent whatsoever. It's from your birthday party your annual birthday party is full with Industry it's people that can fucking help Joe in the business if you're below Joe

You're not there. If you're if your Joe's friend coming up, you're not that bad. That is not. Was Keith there? He was in LA. Was Norton invited? You know what? Yes, yes. And but here's the thing. I descend a mass invite over to ONA,

but I told Roland. A mass invite. I told Roland and ONA to spread the word and anybody want to come, come. Tell Jimmy, tell everybody. I don't have Jimmy's number. So that's pretty. Was Patrice. I didn't invite Pat Patrice but only because Patrice wouldn't

come like I know he wouldn't come really yeah he wouldn't come on my when he wouldn't come I know he wouldn't who else was there who out what are the friends was there first of all let's start with the guys that can't do anything for me in this business yeah there were lots of those because they're my friends right comics and I like them okay that was the bulk of the party the bulk of the party Yes, and how did you spend the bulk of the party with? Anthony and the guys from reddye Victorious You I guarantee you had a fucking velvet rope around those guys and you didn't allow your other

friends access to that part of the party. It's that no they were allowed in everybody had a good time. You probably make your own laminate. All right. Look, how can you not sit with Anthony the whole time? He's fucking, he guy was killing me man, he was fucking hilarious. Yeah, I love Anthony. Anthony is one of the funniest human beings on the planet.

Anthony's one of the fucking Jovias, fucking greatest hosts, greatest guys, unfuck and believable. I like how you bailed out a Jovial because you couldn't figure out how to finish the word. I had a Jovial. He's one of the Jovias. All right, you almost said Jovial,

and you bailed out of the fucking word. How much do you do? You, and Jovi a little stuff, just I've heard it both ways. Listen, I agree with you. He's great, but you know what? I'll go fucking sit and talk to somebody else too. I know you didn't. I know you didn't.

No, you didn't. There's no way you fucking cordially said thank you to some people. You look for packages in hands and then you went right over There's no way you fucking cordially said thank you to some people you look for packages in hands And then you went right over to the fucking the fucking part of the party. That's gonna fucking get your head Joe. It was in a dumpy bar. Yeah, well, yeah, that's part of your mystique That's part of your charm that you put into the party. You had dumpy, but I know what you you have fucking That's your thing Joe. I like a dumpy bar. I know what you're you're fucking that's your thing Joe. I like a dumpy bar You want to be fucking Dean Martin so fucking bad you want a time machine so fucking bad

Can't argue that I know you dumpy bar scenario Okay, first of all you you want it because the fucking booze is cheap Yeah, and you're a fucking cheap cunt And you don't want to spend a lot of money when you buy somebody a shot, you don't want it to be 15 bucks. Right. You want it to be fucking four dollars. Of course. Yeah, okay, fine.

Yeah. Yeah. And you get all everybody down to this dumpy bar. Did you call the bar ahead of time and say, I'm gonna have a party? No. You didn't. You just showed up and you just showed up. Which was a mistake, by the way,

because we got there and it was trivia night. So I was a little proud of it. That was so happy. Yeah, I was a little crowded, but we got through it Ante was answering all the questions because he's a fucking savant He was answering not to anybody but to himself under his breath That's hilarious. I remember him like it All my close friends came Joanne and Ann came and I know you're gonna say that you think, because they just work at Comedy Central. Working Comedy, they don't work there. They're my two oldest friends in the business.

Don't act like they work in a fucking cube. Okay, they're the fucking top dogs. They're my oldest friends in the business. I've known them forever. Yeah, oldest friends in the business. I'm one of your oldest friends in the business, no. I know that long, no you haven't. You're a fucking Keith, me, Jay- in the business. Ah, money, oldest friends in the business too. I know that long. No, I'm longer than you. No, I haven't.

You're a fucking Keith, me, Jay Okasin. Okay. I remember I gave you a 20 bucks, 60 bucks one night because you had no money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a friend, Joe. Yeah, Joanne's taking care of me many times. Here's the thing.

Yeah. Here's the thing. I knew you guys longer. Here's the difference. My friendship with them accelerated more quickly because they didn't make fun of me constantly for the first two years. Here's another theory.

You have friendship accelerated more quickly because they could do something for you. Fuck it. Oh, bullshit. Yeah, I'm glad you said it with a smile. I'm glad there's a little smile. It's funny, but bullshit. I don't have a show on Comedy Central.

Well, that's not their fault They'd love to give you one if you had any good. I'd have one Yeah, right to back it up, but you're absolutely first of all we're smoking cigarettes and I need to read you the last review From MD bulldog on on in this guy left this review this guy says Bobby needs lessons on how to not breathe into the mic and how to smoke while recording, but not let everybody hear it. First of all, if anybody breathes into the mic, it's Joe. Pass the buck. This is your critique right now. I can do whatever I want.

Don't make it about me, dude. Okay. And then I have listened to all episodes and it's not that funny. Ooh, very well. So, this is taking nice holidays, say, Rachel. That's for you, you're cunt. And number two, Z, there's no way you listen to, you know how many episodes there are? There's like fucking 40 episodes.

That's 40 hours of listening. There's no way you listen to 40 hours of a podcast and not laugh, not find it funny. You listen to one or two, maybe three, epingo, this sucks and bail out. You're just a cunt and I hope you get hit by a fucking chicken truck. That's what I hope. Oh, Jesus. Like the old days. Remember the chicken truck accident when the chickens would be all over the road? Yeah.

Yeah. And over your dead corpse. Jesus Christ, bro. Was it too much? I'm sorry. I hope you fucking drove a motorcycle and somebody stopped short on a highway and you go under their car Underneath it through the other car and then you get up and you're fine and then a fucking chicken truck hit you Better yet you drive in a motorcycle and somebody puts a stick in the wheel He does that flip up into the air thing. Yeah, I

What if that would work now it doesn't work it might it might work Let's try it on 9th Ave tonight It might, it might work. Let's try it on 9th Ave tonight. Let's do a Mythbusters test on that. Why doesn't Mythbusters ever do those fucking episodes? I'll tell you what, Jackass, the Jackass movies, have proven to me that things that I thought only worked in cartoons actually work in real life.

Like what? Like the one where they fill the limousine with the bees, and then they put all the marbles outside, and the guys run out onto the marbles and fall to the ground. I'm like, that actually works. That actually fucking works. I didn't think you could really do that. You could be a spy and have a pocket full of marbles and then people just... Exactly. Exactly. You need a fucking box of them.

Fucking hilarious, man. Just simply that works. Anyway. Yeah, well, this fucking guy, the last three, it's like, you know what dude, I've never left a review on something that I've hated. But, you know, exactly who does it? Let's talk about this tonight on stage. I can't, this is what I hate about the internet,

is that it makes hatred, hate mail, instantaneous now. You don't have to think it out, you don't have to figure out if you're actually angry, you just send it, and you can send it right from your phone in the middle of doing anything else you're doing. It's completely impulse, knee jerk reaction now, and it really fucking irritates me, man. Well, I think it works on both ends too,

because I've been victim of that too, where I actually, you know, read something that somebody writes and I get a little fucking instantaneous and fucking sense up and back like you fucking piece of shit. And they're like, dude, I was just kidding. And I read it again. It's like, oh, I took it the wrong way.

So yeah, it's it's a, you know, if I had to write a letter, I, you know, I wouldn't fucking get out of control. I've actually blocked people that will like, dude, I, I don't know why you, you know, and I reread their thing, but I've actually forgot to unblock them because you always got to take five You got to take five and breathe because I the gum no Bob Literally, okay take five. I mean now we you don't have to go for every joke Bob Yeah, he's do apparently this guy thinks it's not funny I'm gonna I'm gonna pep this up

and I'm gonna quit smoking and fix my deviated septum for this cunt. I wanted a cocksucker. Yeah, no, you got it. Yeah, I got it. And this is really quick. I would love it, dude, put your fucking email. Be a man.

Email me, put an email in there. Let's fucking get your name out there. My name's out there. Joe's name is out there. Our emails is out there. You can get in touch with me. Be a man, put your shit out there. Big guy, put your name, put your fucking email. Let us fucking get in touch with you. Let us find out what you do in life and let me review it. Let me think, let me see if you're actually your reviewer's worth anything. Maybe you're somebody special,

maybe you're in the business, maybe you have a podcast, maybe you're out there and I can review what the fuck you do. And then maybe say, you know what this guy knows what he's talking about, he's legit. Or maybe you're just a fucking nobody and you're a piece of fucking lonely, anonymous, fucking scared asshole.

That fucking just leaves nasty shit on people stuff well Yeah, dude real real critics are hard to come by these days because it's all not that that guy's a critic But you know what I mean? Yeah, it's all been sensationalized and it's your reality TV and all that shit It's like people just Reviews now are written to be insightful and not not all reviews But a lot of reviews are written to be insightful and not actual legitimate critiques. I've read reviews of albums that I love, where they'll trash the album, and you're reading it going. This guy does it. I've written to critics online and literally been like,

I read your review of So-and-So's album. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. First of all, you cited this, which means that. There's none of that on the album. I don't know what you, it's annoying. It's like, how can you, the balls? Well, it's the average asshole. It could be a review. Back in the day, you had to fucking really know the art and fucking get a show or a fucking column to actually write a review. Joe just spilled coffee on his shirt and it makes me happy. Where Where you going? You can't just leave it.

Can I just wipe it off? All right, go ahead. Joe, he just spilled coffee on a shirt and he's a fucking OCD person. So this is just killing him because this is probably his favorite shirt, one of them. And there's this coffee all over it. So this makes me happier.

I don't know, no, no. It's so happy that I'm in a coma to a state right now. It's almost the high right now. That's what this voice is. You would think I'd be like laughing, but it's more than that. It's beyond that type of happy. It's a drug-induced fucking, oh my God,

happy that your shirt is ruined. It's not ruined by my watch. Coffee doesn't come out. Yes, it does. Okay. It dries almost clear, as a matter of fact. But let's not get into it. No, that's the thing.

Nobody, nobody, it's like you're saying, back in the day, you had to have credit to do that. You had to have, you had to have studied and had the credentials. It's like, I watched, by the way, dude, fucking great. If you haven't seen it, Charles Nelson Riley did a one man show called Life of Riley and a director shot the whole thing. It's up on Netflix.

Dude, it is one of the best fucking performances I've ever seen. It is so fucking funny and sad and he's so good in it, dude. It's just a one-man show. It's fucking great. But the point is, is he talks about when he went to New York to become an actor. And the line is he goes, people that wanted to be actors when I was coming up

did something that is sort of unheard of these days. They studied. Yeah. And it's so true, dude. It's like nobody studies anything anymore. I just want to, they studied. Yeah. And it's so true, dude. It's like nobody studies anything anymore. I just want to book the gig. Yeah. What you can, you can't book the gig on fucking confidence

and looks. But I'll do it. When I started comedy, I started acting class. I've been going to acting class all the way up until two years ago. I was working with the same guy. He teaches, he's a Chris O'Donnell, the lives of Dushku, Rick Fox.

He works with a lot of those that some of the people, famous field he works with, but he's been teaching acting. I've been doing acting classes for the whole time I've been doing comedy pretty much. But you know, and then there's some guys, they always say comics,

the shitty actors, it's because they always say comics are shitty actors. It's because they don't go to fucking class. They don't fucking, and then halfway through, they realize they're not booking gigs or they got some bad fucking comments on audition. And, you know, they go to acting class for a couple of months. You know, I've been going for a long time.

I mean, look, I think as comics, we naturally have the ability to pretend on the highest level because we do it on stage. We have to re-enact the actual fucking emotion that we're feeling when we thought of the bit, whether it be hatred or passion or whatever the fuck it was. We have that ability, but there's way more to it than actually, you know, that guy at that guy's level.

I watch scenes where I'm like, if I booked that part, I wouldn't be able to do what he just did. Yeah, yeah. You see guys like that. Dude, he breaks out in the middle of this thing. He breaks out into a Shakespearean monologue in the middle of a story that he's telling about when he was on the tonight show. And dude, he fucking kills it.

And you're like, dude, and that's the thing. He goes, when I go to schools to teach, because he was a teacher too, he goes, I go to schools to teach. People would say, why is this guy from the game shows that our school teaching us? You know, but it's like, and that's what I would have thought. But you don't realize this fucking dude to be that good right to sit there on matchgame or Hollywood squares and be as fucking perfect

Pitch perfect because that guy was it's be it was all the other shit dude It was all the training and the life experience and that was just another trick in his hat Right, yeah, I can do this. I can also go do that over there, you know, it's like the guy from From modern love modern family which guy the fat guy that over there, you know? Yeah, it's like the guy from, from modern, modern family. Which guy? The fat guy that hosted my gala. Right. It's a fucking unbelievable actor.

He's hilarious on modern family. He plays a gay guy. He's not gay. Right. He plays a gay guy. Everybody thinks he's gay. He's a big gay bear on the show, but he's not. He's fucking hilarious on it. And he's, but he's not. He's fucking hilarious on it,

and he's acting more. He's mainly dramatic acting. He's fucking unbelievable. Well, look at Ed O'Neill on that show. Yeah, well, look at any funny actor, man. Most funny shows aren't stand-up comics acting. It's actors being funny. Yeah, you know, and that's a hard thing to pull off.

I went back and watched, like, started watching Mary with Children again recently, after I hadn't seen it in years, but then, like, got more into Edo Neal, like, just as an actor and saw him and all this other shit and was like, Jesus Christ, this guy's fucking wow. Right.

And then I went back and watched Mary with Children, and, like, for the first time, was able to see, like, this is an insane fucking character this guy's catchdown. That's like Archie Bunker. Yeah, I mean, fucking Carol was a fucking great dramatic actor. Like, he was not like Archie Bunker. Oh, the fact that that guy could do that voice and make it believable, then you see him in interviews

and he's like, well, when the show first came on the, you know what I mean? It's like, it's always disappointing. I know you want him to be our, you just, wow, you see that. This cock shocker. You want to be said, you know, the fucking Jews, I'm telling you, but yeah, it's fucking, it's crazy. It really is crazy.

I think sometimes, you know, you have to go to that weird spot, that weird place in your head to be a good actor. You have to go to the fucking other side of the moon. That's why actors are very emotional, very serious, very intense. A lot of them, when you talk to them, then they don't, you know what I mean?

Because they go to that other fucking part of the brain. We stay in reality and pick apart everything and deal with fucking brutal honesty and I think actors go into fucking that weird fantasy land where at any moment you could be a tiger You know like we do they like they don't fucking be a tiger you moron relax Yeah, I can act like a tiger. I know, that's the, yeah. Did you ever see Dustle Dawn? Yeah, I fucking love that movie.

Michael Parks at the beginning, the guy that plays the sheriff at the very beginning, when he goes in those convening store that they're robbing. Yeah. That guy does something where I'm like, that's why that guy's an actor. Like, that's why that guy is that fucking good. Because he does that move.

You're not gonna be able to see this in home, but he does that move where he's talking about the bank robbery that happened. And he just goes, he goes, when I catch up, if I catch up to them boys, it's gonna be, he just shakes his head like that, which is eyebrows up, and I'm like, there you go, dude, that's the fucking thing.

He said a million fucking words with that face and raise his eyebrows And then you watch Quentin Tarantino in that movie you're like oh god Fucking Hollywood sucks I'm like yeah, hey buddy cast me and shit. I brought you career back. Rod Greek. Rodgy by the day. He wrote the movie Hey, Rod, you guys yeah, I know, but it's like, dude, stay out of us. He's good at it. He's our right in it. I mean, he plays the part.

Yeah, fucking a crazy rapist, pedophile, fucking creep murderer, I guess. I love Tarantino, but he is so bad in that scene in Pulp Fiction, that scene goes off the rails, where, and I'm like, it gets to the point where I'm like, is he doing this as a joke right now? And it sucks that nobody can say, dude, this is bad. Nobody can say this is bad.

Fucking Travolta, Jackson, these are fucking, these guys are fucking actors of our generation right you know inside they're going That's like us watching an open micr who has a fucking great show and pays a sick cash to come down Right to do his gig that's a Friday nighter and fucking Miami on the beach right, you know, and we go and he yeah I host it and you're gonna go. Yeah, good, dude. Oh fuck you just want to go you fucking stink Yeah, yeah, nobody guys. Let's all do an improv at the end Oh, that's not you know, Travolta was you know, they were fucking trash in him Yeah, you see this motherfucker. No, Travolta was going. Thank you. Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right

Thank you. Yeah, I was about to do another talking baby movie. Not even. Yeah, they got up to dogs. Remember that Really the third look who's talking was the dogs were talking That was the only thing keeping Christy out of together. Oh Jesus Christ. She went off the rail Both of them went off the rails after that. They both ballooned up and went fucking went back to Scientology Jesus Christ Scientology. Boy, don't get me stout, it's not. So anyways, let's get back on track here a little bit. We went to Montreal last week.

La Suits de Mastendense en Votas, comodidad di Estilo desde 29 con 99. Daisman, mucho por andar. Actually, from this podcast, it would be two weeks ago. We got no podcasts and I got one. I got Todd Lynn. Yeah. This was, you know, I had a lot of people that wanted to do them, but Nick Thun wanted to do it. I had Bo Burnham. That would have been great. Both of those would have been great. Yeah. A couple other people, Bob Marley. Awesome awesome and I just it just it was so much of a hang and you know after the shows at the bar at the hotel after

was so much of a cool hang and you're seeing people you haven't seen and it wasn't like you know it wasn't like Montreal for everybody back in the day Used to be a place where you got picked to go and either you were fucking already famous Or you're about to be famous you had the opportunity to Go up there perform and all of the industry was up there and they would fucking give out deals Just fucking $500,000 development deals or holding deals to make you a star. To get you a TV show, get you on the air. This was back when comics were having their own shows on TV and that was the fucking

fad. And that's all gone. That's all gone. But it's now, I think it's better. I think that you go up there and just for laughs puts on such a fucking cool festival and They really give a shit about what they put on And the diversity of the shows to make sure that there's a little bit of everything right in the festival and they try to create fucking

You know, not the same show not just a comedy show. Let's, you know, like with our show. Our show, our movie was up there cheat, and we had a show up there at a fucking strip club slash tranny bar, and our show was there in its cheat live, and we basically did an hour of comedy, different takes on cheating that we all prepared. And it was fucking pretty intense. And then after the shows, it was so fun to just hang out because nobody was trying to get anything because there was nothing to get.

You did your shows, you had a blast, you killed it and met back at the bar, fucking saw people you haven't seen, met people you didn't know, just talking, yapping, having fun, laughing, till 4 in the morning every night. Yeah, it's a camp, it felt like camp. It didn't used to feel like camp, because the first time I went, it was right at the tail end of like all that major shit, and that had just sort of ended, but there was still the

hopes of like maybe it'll happen again. But I was doing the new faces of the show they bring up to do when they're basically introducing you to the industry There was pressure and stuff to last two times I went it was in this more sort of calm phase of it And it just feels like camp dude you just up there You're having a great time you're doing your shows you're having a ball you're seeing guys you see once or twice a year You know you're meeting people that work at your agencies and things that you don't ever get to meet because they're in this office doing in this department,

you don't deal with them ever. And then also too, it's like, there is to a certain extent, you gotta be a little on your whole day. You gotta be ready to have conversations with people and talk and make good impressions and stuff. And then you go out and you do a whole bunch of shows every night. Yeah.

And there's the pressure of, you know, I hope our show sold well, I hope the crowds are good, you know, you know, there's all that. And then by the time you're done and it's midnight, you're just like, dude, I need a smoke, I need a fucking relax right now. You know, I got to diffuse a little bit. But then you go back to the bar and it's fucking packed with Mark Marren, Colin Quinn, Bob Miley, me, you, Burr, fucking... Tony Clifton. Tony Clifton.

Yeah. Fucking Jimmy Tingle, fucking Reggie Watts and Bob Burnham and Anthony Jusson that can aim me, Schumer, and dude, I gotta ad ad rock from the Beastie boys is in the elevator So jealousy met him. I have to give a big shout out to Amy Schumer I'm a big fan because she got off the elevator with him and some of the girl he was doing a show with and She was like I'll hook you up. I go. I want a picture and she fucking stop the elevator She knew the girl. I was like, hey, the fucking some weird question. We got in the elevator and I go, hey, hey, dude, wow.

Can I get a picture? I got my picture with Ad Rock. And it was so uncomfortable. My wife is such a fucking asshole, too. I go, can you take a picture? Donnie, take a picture. And I was so creepy about it. And I was so awkward.

She just went, oh, this is creepy. Didn't even, like, it wasn't even internal. It was just out in the open. Like, I'm just being exporate. And he goes, oh, he goes, oh, it's cool. I'm creepy too, man. Let's take the photo. And I was like, that's great.

I wanted to, I wanted to fucking just make her flinch with a backhand. Dude, that's funny, man. I saw a lot of pictures that people took with him, running into. That fucking guy smiled ear to ear in every picture. I was like, that's great, dude. To be that long in the game and that famous,

and still smiling and being in good spirits, not going out Christ in other picture, that's fucking awesome, man. Right, it is awesome. And if you ever downgrade my photo by saying I saw a lot of photos, right. I'll fucking jump across this table. Hundreds I saw. I'll fucking jump across this table. Have you ever been beaten with a shore 58? The most widely used microphone in the business? Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, yeah. But- No, I have that. Yeah, but it was a fucking blast, man.

Our show, first of all, it was in a creepy old, it's been there for 30 years. It's the first drag show in Montreal. 30 years ago, used to be a fucking sensation. Now it's not that big of a deal, but the waiters, the wait be a fucking sensation. Now it's not that big of a deal, but the waiters, the waitresses were fucking dudes. Not all of them. Dresses girls. Yeah, yeah, drag queens. Yeah, yeah. It was this fucking CD cool last place

and it was our show sold fucking every night was packed. It was great, man. Every night was packed. We all killed it. We had a blast. It was fucking awesome. And then we went back to the hotel at night and just hung out and laughed and fucking talk. Fucking surpoca was there. So letty showed up. Conan came in. We had a fucking blast just hanging out. Yeah. They came to my party by the way. Yeah, I know they did fucking they set me pictures. Yeah, and I talked to them after they left the party. Was that buggy? No. Did they say nice things? Yeah. That's all I don't know. I know how to fucking lie apparently. Oh boy. Not of course. No, we had a we had a good time. No, it was a blast

up there. Fucking blast. Because I think too. Also also the festival has changed a little bit where it's more about the shows and the comics that come up And I still think industry goes to look at new faces But I think we've changed too where look we're going up there with all the shit you'd want to get from a festival We already kind of have yeah, so it's not like we're going up there going, we need more. Right. Goffa bit, we don't want more. I don't want more work. Yeah, no, you're going up just being one of the guys. That was the first time I fully felt like that this year. I was like, I'm just here. Yeah, and plus. Suzanne Irene singer singer Bruce in his wife. I mean we Yeah, it's fucking we know I'm friends with I I'm I fucking love Suzanne You know, I love those people if I'm friends with I'm not not all them But I I love seeing those people I did that tour last year and I kind of became close with those people So it's like I like going up there and fucking seeing them.

Not that you get to see them that much because they're fucking crazy, but it's uh... It was great. That was fucking awesome, man. Montreal is fucking... I wish I could do it every year. Dude, the first thing Robbie said to me when I saw him, and Robbie...

Was Bob's fat? No, now that would have maybe left though Robbie's one of the top guys at the festival and I see him in the lobby when we first got there And he just was like oh Christ fuck you dude, right? And I started laughing and then he comes back and he goes dude. I'm sorry man I should have gave you a proper appropriate and I go dude stop. I go that was so much better Right then you high welcome fuck that we're fucking douche buddies now like a proper appropriate and I go, dude, stop. I go, that was so much better. Right. Then you, hi, welcome. Fuck that.

We're fucking douche buddies now. Like, tell me to go fuck by making me laugh, dude. I wish I could have spent more time with like Suzanne was there, Irene, I saw her. I mean, everybody up there was fucking really nice. Every, it's, it's, it's fucking, it was a good time. It was a fucking, no, I had a couple of shmarmies things here and there.

Nothing too fucking dramatic, nothing too crazy. Little, little, but everybody's in a good mood. Everybody's having fun. Tammy Pescatelli, who's, God damn it Tammy Pescatelli. If you don't fucking, if you don't think Tammy Pescatelli, her show, I forget when a network gets on, but it's fucking awesome. It's her and her husband move back to Brooklyn.

I love it. Maybe it's just because I'm an East Coast guy. I haven't seen it. It's a reality show. She moves in, she has to move in Brooklyn and near her fucking husband's mother, who she's an old school Italian psycho. You know, just totally making her feel inadequate

because she didn't make a sauce. That's funny. But she is the fucking sweetest person. She's a sweetheart, man. She sent me such a nice tweet. What? Because she sent me this unbelievable email. Unfucking believable email

You laughing at only got a tweet no no no no no because I don't really know her no no no no no I'm not laughing of course I'm not laughing at that I'm I'm laughing at that she sent me this unbelievable Email it says I have to say throughout my career I have very few people that I genuinely think are good people. You and Bill are two of them. I wish I could have come up with you guys back in the day,

but I'm glad I'm getting to know you now. Much success in your career, marriage and life, Tammy. I wrote back, cool. You're an asshole. I did it as a joke. I'm a comic. I just wrote back, cool. Yeah, so she dropped her guard for a minute and was sincere. I saw her in the joke. I'm a comic. I just wrote back cool. Yeah, so she. But I actually dropped her guard for a minute

and was sincere. I saw her in the lobby and I go, did you get my email? She goes, no, I go, fuck it, it's ruined now. And I told her, I was like, you know, you're the best, that's so sweet of you. But I told her, I wrote cool, but I didn't think it'd be funny

because you know, I've written those letters to people like comics coming up when you're a young, and you write one of the older comics, a heartfelt letter and you get nothing in back you get nothing back and you're like oh shit she's so sweet I told her my mom loved her from last comic. She was gonna cry she looked so touched by that she was so sweet she sent me a really nice tweet Joe I loved meeting you you're wonderful Cheat Live was one of the best shows at the festival. I mean that.

Right. All this stuff. And then some fucking dickhead tweets at Joe to Rosa comedy, at Tammy Pesco, whatever hers is. Did you hit that to Rosa? That's like, really dude. So now she's gonna fucking see that. Like, it doesn't even matter if I block you or not.

It's like, she's gonna see that. That's why it's like at least at least the limp and Ellie actually sent me a really nice tweet a couple of go three weeks back. I started the seller and you know Tammy sent me a nice tweet too. I don't respond. I didn't respond to either one of them. I followed them. I followed both of them because you want to DM. I don't do that in public because I don't want any of these fucking assholes to fuck with people. I don't want, you know what I mean?

I don't want them to fucking do that shit. You know, it's like, you know, I can't even have a fucking, just can't have a moment like that. And I'm sure the guy didn't mean to be a dick. He's just fucking funny. Yeah. But it's like, that's the problem with Twitter, man. It's like, that is not a place for messaging.

It's not the problem with Twitter. It's the problem with our fans, go. You're right. It's, it's, you're right. Do you think it's, it's, it's just our fans are us. It's where fucking mean creeps. And they treat us the way we treat each other. And then they get dumbfounded when we go shut the fuck up

Well, dude, you can do it to me. You don't do it to another person. It's not involved I agree. I fucking agree. I mean Which we are two though is another thing too is I have to say this and I'm not trying to kiss ass or get fucking You know emotional or fucking, you know, but the fans, the ONA fans and the fans that we do have, whether it be your fans, my fan, my tourgasm, ONA, you know, even the podcast, whatever, fucking are fucking great. The best. I mean, really, fucking the best.

The best. They are fucking solid. I just wish I had more of them. Yeah, well, they the best. The best. They are fucking solid. I just wish I had more of them. Yeah, well, they're the best, dude. Some kid emailed me today, or not today, a couple days ago, I got to write back to him, but then he drove six hours to see cheat on Saturday night. And he goes, it was worth every fucking lie.

I was just like, that's Jesus Christ, dude. I never thought I'd see the day where somebody told me, I drove six hours to see something you were a part of. Yeah, I mean, I talked to the same guy and it was mainly to see me in Billy because he's been fans of us for a long time. Right, right. But.

Well, no, that's nice that you do this time. I would say, I would say two and a half hours to see you. That's nice. Sick, the rest to see us. Yeah, sorry that I tried to have a moment with you. I'm sorry, dude. I have to be funny because you're worthless. Let me take.

Ha, ha, ha. Okay, MD Bulldog needs this to be funnier. So I'm trying to punch it up. Oh, yeah, all right, all right. But here's something funny. So my whole family came over Saturday for my birthday. My real birthday. You didn't wish me happy birthday, but don't worry about it

Joe this is the problem with you is I don't celebrate my birthday on Tuesday if it's Saturday Yes, you do Your party was not on your real birthday last year. That's cuz fucking Gerardo died. Oh, geez come on What do you want me to do my party was set for Saturday. I wish you a happy birthday I'm hungry. People was supposed to show up and God forbid that I wish you have your birthday Real birthday. Geraldo passed away. I'm sorry that you know All right, it's a good point I'm breaking your balls. All right. Anyway, the point is Saturday my whole family came over

Dude the fucking panic I get when one of my answer uncle says this to me and a tap him before my uncle goes Hey Joey I Got a friend at work He loves you man. He loves you on who those guys? Yeah two guys and I go open Anthony goes he goes yeah, and I go Jesus Uncle Brian I go

Please never listen to it Never listen to it. He goes he goes. I've seen yours. He goes. I've seen your acting How about back and I go Uncle Brian it gets so much worse. I go listen Listen to the show if you want to see I go never listen to me when I'm on that show. Yeah, ever Because own a is like therapy, dude. It's very much a hang and you start you start opening up and you start talking about shit. You're like, did I fucking you and then you know, well,

sometimes we're in the car and I have satellite and don't would drive in somewhere and I'm like, I'm on. I'm like, what did I talk about that day? They talk about fucking, you know, some crazy shit or fucking wanting a puncher in the head or something stupid, you know, you're like, oh, fuck what? I don't want anybody fucking listening to this show.

Oh my God. Dude, that I know, that I care about. The week, the first week, Bern I ever did uninformed on the virus, the first time we ever did the show ever. Couple days for the show I went back to my college for some event, I went around and I went and met all my old professors for my major. Yeah. And this guy, one of the nicest guys in the world, man, he was my advisor in school and all the shit.

Very like Christian, very like clean cut guy, sweet heart of a dude, like just a nice guy. He's like, I'm so proud of you, man. This is great. You're doing your comedy stuff. And man, he's like, what else you doing? I'm like, oh, I got this radio show on XM. We're premier on Saturday, Bill Burr, really funny comic in me. And he's like, I'm so excited. I can't wait to listen. I'm there. 8 p.m. Saturday, I am there. Jump to Saturday, we open the show opens. The first thing out of Burstmouth, hey, it's not in forum, we're gonna try to figure out, you know, statistics and what people are

and what people think and if we're right or wrong. So Joe, if I were to ask you, what percentage of women are cunts? That was the first fucking line on the show. And I remember sitting there going like just picturing my professor just turning it off. He never wrote to me. Right, right when you say 52%. He was supposed to write to me. He never wrote to me. Oh, dude, I, it's a fucking, we really, I've burned some bridges like that too.

I remember I used to work with, remember I told you I used to work with the six retarded guys. I lived in the house with them. Yeah. For like three years when I was going to college, I was starting comedy. And I fucking, one of my first shows I did, I had a joke in there where they scare you,

scare you and you get scared you and you get down center or something. I actually said that line and I acted like don't, don't, don't, something like that. Oh man. And I did the show for a benefit in my town and all the retarded guys came. And you did the joke?

I was a young comic. I didn't know, I didn't know. I didn't know that you, I just did. It's all I had. I had fucking 15 minutes. I didn't, I just did it. I bet it killed, too. It killed.

Yeah, I don't know if they, I think they laughed, too. But my boss didn't laugh. I don't know. I don't know. I never heard from him again. And now they're all dead. That's sad. Yeah. That's sad. I used to do a joke about retarded guys Yeah, I was opening for Doug stand-hope once in New Jersey and I did it. I didn't meet I hadn't met him

I went on stage before he got the hair I did this joke about retarded guys the manager club runs up to me He's like jo jo jo listen man, you know, just see you know. There's a table of retarded people here And I'm a young comic. I'm like oh Jesus. I didn't know I'm sorry He's like, Jo, Jo, listen man, you know, just seeing there's a table of retarded people here. And I'm a young comic, I'm like, oh Jesus, I didn't know I'm sorry, I'm freaking out because I'm like three years in. I go into the green room, stand hopes sitting there,

laughing his fucking balls off. He goes, did you know there was a bunch of retards out there? He did that so fucking funny, dude. He made me feel so much better at how funny it is. What a scumbag club owner that let retards into the club that actually fucking funny dude. He made me feel so much better at how fun I was What a scumbag club owner that let retards into the club that actually took their money. Oh boy They can't even know I think they came in for free. I think it was like a trip Yeah, you don't let a trip of retards into a comedy club. They're not gonna understand it Maybe they were just handy now they were you take a maple picking you don't take him to a fucking comedy show

Why Apple pick it? Ah, it's easy. You just grab one off the tree and eat it. That's what they're gonna do bowling. Grab one and try to eat the ball. Oh, Jesus Christ. Ah, boy, boy. So anyways, Matruh was fucking great. We didn't get any podcasts. I got the one with Todd Lynn that played last week. That was really fucking... I gotta listen to it. Yeah, you should have been on it. I would have done it with you. You said you didn't want me to do it. You were fucking occupied.

Yeah. Yeah, you were occupied. All right. Thank you, Bob. You're a good friend. Yeah. Joe was occupied with a lady friend. We don't need to get into the details. Well, you know, you know, you were busy. Yeah, I didn't want to thank you for that actually. Yeah, well, you're fine. Because out of guilt, I would have left her and done the podcast. Yeah, I figured you were fucking occupied and I knew it was gonna be a kind of funny, but serious, a lot of serious topics. It was gonna be smoking the band at Dom DeLouise references. What you always do the interview one-on-one anyway.

Well, it's just because, the other reason why I do the interviews is one-on-one is because I get them very, like, yeah, you wanna to do this. Right. They usually, I'm with somebody doing a show with somebody and, uh, you know, hey, you want to do this and they say, yeah, and you're not either around or you're preoccupied with pussy that, uh, I do them because I'm not going to, you know, hey, Joe, I'm in fucking Ottawa.

Do you want to come up and do a fucking podcast with Aries Schaffer? That's not really the fucking way it's going to go. So I mean those things I do, but you know, we'll actually wind up doing one of those together. Right. Which I want to do. I want a third. I'd love to have you on the show when we're doing these interviews. Just to spice it up a little bit. I know you'll get real analytical too, which would bug me. I don't know where that bothers you about me. Fuck. Oh, there we go. There's fucking karma if I've ever seen it.

Bobby just spilled coffee on his computer and then on to himself. Good. Good. If I saw sparks fly out of that thing, like in the movies, it's God, it would have made me fucking laugh. It's not a fucking NASA computer from fucking 70. I know.

But it would have made me laugh. Yeah, look, look, gone. Yeah, well, here's the difference between me and you. I'm a man. I'm just going to sit here with coffee on my shirt. Well, there's an African. No, I don't need it. I have a wife downstairs that will clean it for me. Oh, there he is. The showvinist. I love the showvinist and the not loneliness list. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Um. Ha ha ha.

So yeah, could you turn up the heat in here a little bit? Well, I had to turn the AC off because I didn't want fucking mud bone, whatever his name is, to complain about the AC. Mud bone. Ha ha. I shut the AC off. You know what we're going to do? The next podcast, next time we do it, we're going to leave next podcast next time we do it leave it on we're gonna leave it on yeah

Fuck it. Yeah, put the AC on it's you know, it's not I mean, there's be a little buzz But it's not like gonna be destroyed. All right. We'll leave it on him We'll let the fucking fans decide whether it's distracting or not. That's a good idea. There's a way to invite 800 fucking 800 weeks really eight five 800 fucking 800 weeks really eight five well first of all it five I don't like that you actually have the exact number now actually we have a lot of listeners I know in the thousands that's why I said the nine eight hundred we're we've been in the top one hundred thanks to the people fucking listening and subscribing and spreading the word about this fucking podcast,

which is fucking kind of phenomenal and I really appreciate it that we've been in the top 100 for the last fucking two months. What's it at currently? Right now it's at 72. Right. Yeah, I'm going around. Yeah, I mean, you know, what I love to be on the top 20, I mean, the top 20 is a pretty fucking, you know, the, you got what the fuck, which of course, you know what, this is bugs me too, is, uh, uh, uh, uh, you should Tyler did a podcast. What is that buggy? Number three, right off the, she's a sweetheart. She's a lover, you should, this is why I, I respect Ie Shataya, I listen to a first

podcast, you know Aisha Taya. I listen to a first podcast. She does everything. She made the website herself. She edits it, produces it, puts it up all on her own. She doesn't have anybody doing it, which is pretty impressive. So that means she really gives a fuck about it. And it was actually, it was my podcast,

but it just sucks that she just goes right to number two. And Jay Moore, who I like his podcast too, actually subscribed to it, more stories. He's been in the top five in the one, two, or three, or four, or five, to the left, right out of the gate. Well, yeah, several movies and sitcoms helps. Yeah, and charisma and talent. Yes, yeah. Don't forget that. Yeah, and charisma and talent. Yes, yes.

Don't forget that. Yeah, don't forget those. Yeah, he has fucking fantastic stories about fucking famous people and he can do impressions on the money. Rogan, of course, is in the top. Greg Proops, the smartest man in the fucking, whatever. His was, he did his life, too, from the thing. Did he?

I love Proops. Tell you. I do. I tell you man, that guy really fucking put a bad taste in my mouth. Why? A few years ago, I think back when tough crowd was on, singer invited me down to do a show that,

alternative room he had. I was kind of excited, you know, you know, you invited me down, I went down and I tried to of excited, you know, you know, you invited me down. I went down and I tried to talk about, I tried to do some new stuff I was working on about my sister having a kidney transplant and how I didn't want to give her a kidney and I was kind of bummed out because my career was going pretty good. And you know, whatever, I come off and I just hate when guys do this. You kind of trash me from stage, you know, like,

you know, like, oh my God, what was that? You know, some shit like that. After I got off, like he was watching me and disapproved of me or whatever, and then trash me to his fan base. After I got off, you know. But we do that, he, I don't do that.

We've done that in our own way. We've all gone on stage and gone, what the fuck? But I wasn't, what the fuck moment? I wasn't bombing. I actually had a great set. Right.

It was a good set. It wasn't like I bombed or I was talking out of like some crazy shit that people were like, what the fuck is this? I did, it was a great set. I was fine. And it was fun and I liked it. And it was like, what the fuck is this? I did it, it was a great set. I was fine. And it was fun. And I liked it. And it was like, wow, that was cool. And fucking, you know, had to go up and out of whatever fucking say some shit to me. You sure he wasn't just being like, wow, that was heavy. No, trust me. No, it was more like,

I trust me, no, it was more like, ugh, you know, which I'd never do to somebody. I'd never go on after him at the seller, and if he fucking took a hot one, go, oh, what fucking analytical boring dribble was that? We get it, you're intelligent. Right. You know, and it's like, dude, it's not like if you're so smart, then go help the world.

Go come up with IntelliCrops. Go hook up with Tony Stark and fucking do some good for the world. I mean, I mean, nobody's that fucking smart. And I'm smarter in a fucking whole different realm than these fucking guys and a whole different realm I'm not a tie a blood knot. Do you? I don't know exactly All right, well I didn't say it don't get mad at me. I'm just saying you know It's like my theory is if one that world ends those guys, you know math and fucking English isn't gonna help you You're gonna have to come to dumb guys like me for meat.

What the world ends? The, listen. That's the only way I'm, we're gonna get even with proofs if the world ends. I'm friends with them. We, we, he, I've never seen him do anything like that. So we've always got along really well.

Like, No, I don't hate the guy. I'm not like, fuck him. I don't really hate anybody, but it's just kind of, it was kind of like what the, I was just, dude, I could get it if I was a like fuck him, I don't really hate anybody, but it's just kinda, it was kinda like, what the fuck, it was just, dude, I could get it if I was a cocky dick, being some,

you know what I mean? I was just fucking, I was kinda happy being there and he had a kinda fucking just piss on it, by doing that, and it's like, dude, you could say it to my face too, I'm always a fan of that. I'm always a fan of someone going, dude, I don't think. I remember my fucking sponsor in AA was the host of a show when I was coming up in Boston.

And he was a fucking analytical guy. He's a producer for Bill Mars show now. He came up to me and after he brought me off, when that I killed, he goes, I hate what you do on stage, but people like it. So that's great. Jesus Christ. Yeah but I respect that. If you went up on stage and fucking oh you really people that way it's like dude don't fucking involve them you know what the fuck and I can't if I can't go back up and defend myself you

know it's like you get it's, it's like writing somebody a letter, firing somebody from a letter. That's like fucking fuck you. All right, well maybe, you know, it was just a bad night or something, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, look, dude, maybe, I might, you know, I don't know the details now, I knew him back then, maybe he's a great guy,

I don't know, but I don't hate the guy, but I just, I bad taste of my mouth. Yeah, look, and that happens a lot with comics, I've noticed. There's been a million times where you've gone, I love this guy, and I go, that fucking, but it's been a lot of hate the guy, and then you want to blacken him again, and I hate them. A lot of the time when it is, though it's unfortunate, but you know comics are so fucking Crazy and narcissistic and insecure at the same time It's like that you have a bat you have an off night you say something trying to be funny or whatever

It comes out wrong this person it sticks in their crawl because we can't let shit go Right and then all of a sudden 10 years later you're going this cock sucker and then you're like I don't even remember why I fucking hate this guy, I just do. And then, you know, and then you're like, we all do that, is my point, you know. It's an unfortunate byproduct of being a comic because that happens all the fucking time. Well, yeah, because you're self-esteem and you're fucking, you know, you're sensitivity is always on the line.

You, I mean, we generally, you want people to like you. You know, that's why I respond to people that actually say good shit on Twitter. And people give you shit too. It's like, dude, I like hearing the good shit. More than I like hearing the bad shit. I like compliments. I like good job.

You don't have to say no homo when you say I really like your podcast or I really like your comedy or I'm a big fan. No homo intended. I like it. There's nothing wrong with that. So you're right. I mean, it wasn't fucking homo.

Who gives a shit? All right. Write me a letter and go, dude, I want to suck your cock. Okay, thank you. That's a compliment. I have no problem with that. I've seen your cock. I'm not gonna let you do it, but thank you.

Well, let's knock the fucking you carried. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, shall we? And we don't know what'll happen 10 years down the slide. The winter is right around the corner. Yeah, you know, depressed you get in the winter. Yeah, boy, in the winter. Oh, it's the press of the summer right now. It's, winter. Oh, it's pressed to the summer right now. Yeah, it's, it's, you

know, it's funny, I did a, I did a print interview today. For Red Eye, there's a Red Eye fan site. Right. And the guy message me and he was like, can I see email you these questions, you do a print interview for the website and everything. I'm like, yeah, dude, of course, man. And the last thing was, the last question was, is there anything you'd like to say to the red eye audience that you never got to say to them?

And I almost wrote something like, yeah, can you stop hate tweeting me when you don't like something I say or what? And I clop myself and I was like, you know what? Fuck that, that's 5% of an awesome audience. Not even. You know, and I instead I just wrote, you know what? Here's what? Fuck that. That's 5% of an awesome audience. Not even. You know, and I instead I just wrote, you know what? Here's what I want to say.

Thank you. Thank you for the difference you've made in my life and the support. You guys are a unified crew and you guys are enthusiastic and it's really made. Thank you for the emails and the tweets and coming to the shows and everything. That's just gay. It's not gay. I'm kidding. It's not gay. I'm kidding. It's positive. No, no, I hear you dude.

Look man, you look, I get, you know what? I get you gonna get fucking, you know, even this fucking idiot on, on fucking whatever it's called, iTunes, whatever. You're gonna get those reviews, you're gonna get tweets, you're gonna get those dickheads. You know, you just block them and move on and, you know, whatever.

It's just the psychology of it doesn't make sense to me. That type of shit just doesn't make sense because of the way I am. When I hate something or I don't like something, I don't turn people against it. I don't try to get people, other people not to like it. You know, unless it's, I have to do that. Unless it's obligated to do that for the greater good of something.

Would I ever, you know, the only time I've ever done that is when that like CD company wouldn't produce my, the seat, my first CD that I produced myself, the company that didn't wouldn't produce my full metal comedy I did for the troops. I was going to Iraq with Colin, and I was gonna bring all these DVDs. I filmed the night at the seller, just of all the comics,

and they would film it, and we're gonna make a DVD for the troops. So they could see Norton, me, Sherrod, all these guys doing comedy, and it's just a little shitty DVD that they could throw in and watch comics do comedy right and They wouldn't do it and I want to know in a and not that I turned them against them, but the fans You know, I said if you know whatever and they why wouldn't they they she didn't believe in the war and I was like it's not about the war. You're making a you're making a you're not even selling it in stores

You're making a you're making a a, you're not even selling it in stores. You're making a, you're making a, a little run of DVDs as a gesture. Yeah, I put up all the money myself. Oh, we got it. You know what, Steve Burn, dad actually gave us money to produce it. Steve Burn, dad, who's a fucking really great guy. Fucking unbelievable, I'm really, really unbelievable guy. He gave us some cash to do it. We raised some money, other places, and we got it done.

But this lady wouldn't do it. That type of shit I get. But fucking really, to fucking, what are you trying to do? Well, you meet, you know, it's Steve's dad is great. You meet Steve and go, what a great guy. Then you meet his dad and you go, oh, that's why. He was great by this guy. You meet, I met Steve, and I was, I met Steve's dad,

and I was like, how the fuck did you ever produce that fucking hugging homo? That just silly girl on rollerblades. How did this happen? Why is he not a man like you? Sorry Steve. No, you're not. Fuck, I'm not Steve. I love you to death, but you're a you love the hug He does Steve's the best man. It's such a good heart. I love the Steve death, but you're a, you love the hug. He does, Steve's the best, man. That's such a good heart. I love that Steve can kick ass too.

I know, I know we've talked about it. It's a sensitive guy that can kick some ass. Yeah, that we really is Patrick's Wazing in Roadhouse. All right, so listen, man, that's about it. I guess we're fucking done with this one. We talked about Montreal. unfuckable time. Thanks for showing up. Thanks for fucking selling out every night.

Thank you, yeah, everybody that was there, thank you. That fucking thanks to the Montreal, the people for having a sub. Yeah. It was a fucking blast. I know some people think Montreal sucks, but you know, I don't know. It dumb if you think that, it was the best.

I think the first year out there it sucked, peak for me, just because I was new, but then once you just get over the fact that you're not gonna get anything, it's just doing shows and having a good time. I'd go every fucking year. Oh God, yeah, it was fucking a blast. Just seeing all your friends and fucking hanging out,

I was unfuckin' believable. And then, and it was a fucking great week. And the movie did good. I heard it killed. I missed the actual, I got to the screening that it was a part of, late. But, so I didn't actually see our movie, but a bunch of friends of mine were there

and were textamines, so due to killed, it was great, we loved it, we went over very well. And I got some compliments after. Great. People walk announced. Yeah, the show was fucking successful. It was the best there. Did you get paid for the show yet?

No, did you? No. I forgot about that. Yeah, it's coming. Yeah, let's leave it on a fucking down note. Yeah, there you go. We take all that back. Which we get paid.

Yeah, exactly. Well, in the cheat live show, we will be doing again in the state somewhere. It'll happen. We'll bring it here. Keep your eye out. We're doing the cheat live show. Maybe the book comes out or something like that.

But success all around. We're sorry we didn't get a bunch of podcasts, but me and Joe were social butterflies and really didn't want to fucking be in front of all the major podcasts in the industry with fucking two microphones in a Zoom. Yeah. Hey, you want to come over and talk to us? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Two cans tied together for the string. Yeah, so awesome.

Awesome, all right, so won't you fucking take us out of this, Joe? Really? All right, folks, this has been another exciting edition of You Know What, Dude, hosted by Bobby Kelly, Robert Kelly, if you will will for the proper people out there And my name is Joe Derozo. It was a fun time to be part of it again Stay up and stay tuned

Oh God. Oh God Wow You suck Stay up and stay was supposed to be funny. What are we truck drivers listening to this? It was a joke stay awake at the wheel guys. Oh, Good night and good low Edward our Murrow good night and good luck. You know bad I wanted to push stop you should have I don't know why you didn't I was waiting for you to do that Thanks again for listening to another episode of you know What Dude Podcast on GloryholeRadio.com

and make sure to check out all the other shows on the Glory Home Network. If you're using the Stitcher app, type in the word Fart when you register. I tune you, so don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. If you're a real fan of the show and you want to show you support, go to GloryholeRadio.com slash Robert Kelly and hit the donate button. $10 will get you a shout out on the air. $20 will get you my first C.D. Lee Robert Kelly live not available in stores. If you have any questions, email me at Robert Kelly at gloriholeradio.com.

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