Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Me and Joe D Yapping

Episode Date: June 23, 2011

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You know what I'm getting? I'm getting scared. I'm getting scared. What's up? All right, another episode, they called episodes. Yeah. Is it an episode? Thanks, sir. You know what, dude? Yep. Is it an episode? You know what, dude? Podcasts with Robert Kelly, the guy on the poster, and Joe D.

That's what I call you. Joe D. Joe DeRosa. What number is this for me? I've been in a bunch of these. You've been in a lot of them. Well, I've tried to replace you a bunch of times. It just doesn't work out. I know.

Well, I saw Bill Dawes today who I love dearly. I love dearly, but he was rollerblading. He is the red-headed Steve Byrne. He really is. Yeah, he was rollerblading the other night. They haven't. And he literally stopped. I got to stand up to show you this. He stopped.

I was walking. It was when I was coming for the meeting. Right. When I was running late and I had my head down and I was trying to get home. And I look up. He's got sunglasses on and he's gliding down the ninth avenue. And he goes like this. He goes like that, the fucking head nod.

And I go, yeah, what's up, man? And he stopped to talk to me and he stopped like this. I like that the fucking head nod and I go yo What's up man? And he stopped to talk to me and he stopped like this. I swear to God he went That he did that thing and I go do it. I'm really late, man. I got to go because I did I was and thank God because if I wasn't I'd slap you and you gain nothing I gotta be careful did be careful of the you know the comments Don't know we want to offend the gaze. I'm sorry. Yeah, no, no You don't mean it like that. I know what you know. I don't mean it. I don't want to save you know. I'm calling a fag I know what you mean

fucking Christ him Joe Koi and Steve burn that should be a tour They should come in on a rainbow bus Tracy Tracy Morgan should be driving the bus. The tour, yeah, the tour is called, the tour is called, do you think he's, dot, dot, dot. No, it should be, no, it should be, do you think he's, and then the next leg of the tour should be, he's got a girlfriend. He's not. Oh my God. God, I love Steve Burns.

I call him Steve Burns. I love those guys. Steve Burns, because it pisses him off, because it's burn. But he did the same thing. Me and Norton were going up the street. Just got a brand new coffee, ice coffee latte, large. Right. Me and Norton, beautiful summer night.

We look up in the skies coming down in shorts a tank top and roll of blades with like white socks pulled up to his knees Coming down doing ass patterns down knife. Have I look at Steve burn He's he does the same things like does that hockey, you know stop and front like he's on ice and I go you are Fucking yeah that hockey, you know, stop and front like he's on ice and I go, you're fucking gay. You know what he did though? He slapped my coffee out of my hand. That's great. Steve's great for a good mean one.

And then he just rola played it away in S pattern. He's great for mean one. The funniest thing I ever saw Steve do was at the comedy seller one night. I was new too and I was like really new in town still. So I was still learning like all the all the regular shitty things you do like the reoccurring shitty gags of the comedy seller like you know shot up and all that stuff. And giving people the wrong door code and everything. Send them to the kitchen to when they need the bathroom Yeah, and it was the first time I've ever seen this one, dude, and I laughed so hard, but this comic named Romy,

really nice guy, really nice guy came in. Yeah. And he's so nice that he had a bag of skittles, not a big bag, the regular person size, the individual size. Yeah. Why? Why? Not a big bag the regular person size the individual size Why why he's just eating skittles I don't know he's eating skittles better, but at a comedy show

He came into the olive tree upstairs, and he was literally walking everywhere to every table It's one of those nights where every table was filled with comics and the place He's going up to every table. Yeah, y'all want some skettles? Anybody want some skettles? And he was literally just trying to be a nice guy. And Steve is Amir at the bar and Steve's trying to tell me a story and he keeps here and he wants some skettles and he's going, oh, and he and finally Steve goes, Roe me come here. And he's Roe, he's like, yeah, what's up? And he goes, can I have some skettles? And he's like like yeah, man, Steve was the first person that accepted Skittles. Just took the bag and just dumped it.

I didn't slap any dumped it dumped it straight on the turn it straight upside down and dumped it. And he just heard the skittles rattling all over the floor. It was it made me laugh so hard. It was so mean. Steve's a mean mother bunker man. And you know what Steve could fight too. That's the yeah That's he's you know, he's that little cute Asian. I love norin his shit hair His shit hair is that's coming off because his father's Irish He's got that male pattern baldness So he's you know, he's not gonna luck out with that mo cut that all those fucking China man have

He's gonna go bald. I can't wait. Oh, I can't wait till Steve shows up with just nothing. Just on the side. He's gonna have to do like, he's gonna have to be the side. He can't be the, I know, because you know he's, he's still got that romantic lead dream. No, he's gonna have dad from that 70s show here. Yeah.

And it's gonna make me laugh really hard Norin, no, in city as Lego head hair But yeah, he's got a mean he's a tough kid man. He's a fucking tough mother fucker And that's why like him and Dane went at it. I guess you know they they fucking don't like each other and All that fucking black bad blood. I'm not gonna you know, it's you know go to mock marriage't like each other and all that fucking black bad blood I'm not gonna you know it's you know go to Mark Marins podcast if you want the hot new comedy fucking if you want the What's going what's going on in the comedy world go there if you want just guy two assholes What time is it it's quarter past one on a Monday? We're both exhausted. Yeah in the morning. Yeah, yeah

Joe's apartment. It's hot. He's got a fan on, in the morning. Yeah, yeah. We're at Joe's apartment. It's hot. He's got a fan on like it's 1978. It is hot and we're still drinking hot black coffee. Because you don't have cream. Because you don't have fucking cream. You do refuse to get fucking cream for your buddy Bobby. I don't drink it.

It'll go bad. I have ice cubes waiting for you. Look at that. First of all, really ice I'm really, I excuse. Well, here's the deal. Here's a difference between getting a cup of coffee at my house and a cup of coffee, a cup of cup of coffee. Cup of coffee.

Oh, good. It's 115. Great. A cup of coffee at your house, okay? You come to my house. Here's a difference. I don't have a wife that picks up cream. That's the thing.

I get the cream. No, you don't. I know that you don't. I don't have a wife that picks up cream she that's the i get the cream no you don't know that i don't do anything you know tom pop is wife and my wife went out to uh... to lunch you know tom pop is wife i never met tom's wife synthy as she's a she's a comic she was that you know it's weird to see she she started comedy i remember her as a comic I remember Tom was you know a comic and then I then I got together and she still do comedy No, she doesn't do comedy anymore. She was funny too, you know

Yeah, she don't do comedy, but she's you know she's a You know she's a she doesn't cook She's a, you know, she's a, she doesn't cook. Right. You know, she's like, do you say, you know, she's very, you know, look, I'm not your fucking mother. Yes, she's a female comic. Yeah, exactly. You said it, not me.

Because my wife's hanging out with her now, I don't want to get in trouble. Yeah, I got my wife, it took me years to get her the way I wanted her. And I was like, I told her, I go, look, I go, tell your wife to back off. Stop fucking trying to ruin my wife. She came home and she was acting a little weird

and a little different. I was like, no, you're out of your mind. That's funny. I'll fucking, because my out is this. I'll hire a maid. I'll hire a woman to come in here and do what I wanted to do. We go to a big fight about laundry. Because I remember, she would do laundry.

She likes to do the laundry. She does the laundry. And she was drawing my shirts, shrinking all my shirts. She didn't want to have to hang dry because it's pain in the ass. So I'd buy these shirts, you know, comics, we were a t-shirt. I'm a t-shirt guy on stage most of the time. I'll go up with a cool t-shirt with something on it. You know, whatever it is. I'm not going to wear a suit and tie or a fucking, you know, I'm not, you know, again, Steve Burnd, we're in a fucking reservoir dog's outfit. I can't, I like a nice college shirt on stage and a blazer. I'm a fan of it.

I'm a fan of it. Look, I don't mind a college shirt, but does it have to be buttoned and tucked and have a thin belt? I don't, I don't tuck, no, I usually leave it out with some nice shoes and some jeans I can't do that. I can't dress up on stage. I lose my funny. If I am dressed up, I lose my funny. Well, you're not a dress-up guy No, I'm a plus I'm a fat guy and I I just look uncomfortable in a suit Which which begs the question where the T-shirts, and a T-shirt shrinking bump. That's my joke.

You never heard my joke? No. I go, my wife, me and my wife got a fight because I used to shrink my T-shirts in the dryer. I was like, you shrunk my T-shirts in the dryer. She goes, no, I didn't. I go, yes, she did. This used to fit me.

Now it doesn't. She goes, did I shrink the bed in the car too, fatso? That's funny. Did she really say that? No. That's the look on her face though. You know what I mean? But yeah, we got to a big fight about that.

She was like, look, it's a pain in the ass and it doesn't shrink them that much and it's a pain in the ass to do that. She goes, well then you do it. You want to, you want to hang, dry your shirts, then hang dry them. I'm not doing it. I go, no, no, that's not how it works. You know why?

Because I make fucking money. And you know what I'm gonna do? I'm just, I'll pay somebody to do it. I'll take my, I'll have the little fucking Asian lady come to my door like I used to when I lived alone. She'd pick up my laundry, a whole big fat bag, a dirty, jizz underwear laundry, a whole big fat bag, a dirty, giz-undeware laundry, and take it. And you know what she'd do?

She'd come back, folded, socks matched, underwear, everything folded. And I'd give her a fucking fight all the tip and she was happy. But the agent lady, I didn't have to give her a fucking house in Hell's kitchen. The agent lady's not hang drying your shirt. Hangs dry. Yeah, apps of fucking Lutley. You gotta say, I want all these hang dried. Oh, I don't, all the t-shirts, hang dried. It takes, you can't get it that day.

You gotta drop them off and get them back like the next day of the day after. Right. Yeah, they'll hang dry your shirts, apps of fucking Lutley. Really? Apps of fucking Lutley. They're so tiny, where the hell do they hang the, I don't know, maybe they're lying to me,

maybe it's a placebo but it did I never Hang dry on the back. I've never hung dry anything and it never shrinks Well, yeah, if you you get a t-shirt from the gap, which is my favorite t-shirt I've been buying gap t-shirts V-neck black gap t-shirts and gray t-shirts. That's the only t-shirt. I'll wear Till recently they changed it, and they actually use a thinner material now, and it's actually, you know, it's a good fat guy t-shirt, a gap t-shirt, because it hangs good.

It covers a lot of fucking fatness. And the shoulders. That would be far if you didn't hear it. And the shoulders, I don't know, that's the t-shirt I wear all the fucking time. If you put those in the dry, it becomes a medium. It just shrinks right up. So everybody, I noticed two years ago, everybody got cheap with the t-shirts when the economy tanked.

Both tired with fumbling on the words. Everybody got cheap with the t-shirts when the economy tanked the Both tired with fumbling on words Yeah, yeah, yeah, cuz I used my favorite t-shirt was the Urban Outfitters. They did two for 20s And they were like these solid Color Heather T's they were great Heather yeah, like the Heather T the Heather means it's not see how this is Now this no no you know what I mean when it's not I was fucking double I was with it's Heather when it's not just a solid when it's not just a straight solid color. It's got that grain in it right, right, right, like the

way like like a gym gray t shirt looks right. So they had they were great shirts. I loved them. They were my favorite shirts and and then they they switched it. They got really thin and cheap and then they don't hang right they look weird like the gap at the same shit i bought three black t-shirts and they're the thin shit and even when you hang dry them they don't hang right and if you sweat a little they start sticking to your fucking side fat hate that i was so mad because i went down to uh...

unit unit clow or glow, however you say it. What's that? It's the Japanese version of the gap. It's not the gap, but it's like basically in Japan, unit glow is their gap. It's like they're the equivalent to the gap there. So they started opening them here. We turned that sand off because it's getting picked up. Yeah, I can turn it off

so I'm going to finish the story first or yeah, I got to finish a story I just wanted the story to have no in the background. All right. I'm going to put it down and hold on All right, Joe's walking over to the fan right now just to give you a little play by play Here's a remote. Oh, it's a fancy. Then we got that beep and now Joe's walking back very slowly He picked up his mic. It's real hot now. It's all right.

This would be good to be like a nice, this would be like an old school podcast like we're in Vietnam. Yeah. Talking on the radio to the troops out in the fucking bush. There you go. There you go, Bob. So yeah, so you went to a fucking Chinese.

So we went to the Uniclo because it's cheap. The shit's cheap. And they had t-shirts. Rightshirts for five bucks each. Right. Which H&M does that too. And I stocked up on the H&M ones. They're great. You know, if you can't beat that dude, five bucks for a solid T that in a year you're going to throw in the trash anyway, it's the greatest. So I went down, they had a bunch of them and The the advertised feature on the t-shirt was that they were sweat absorbent t-shirts Like these are great for the summer because they they absorb the sweat and it doesn't show right I was like oh, I need that cuz I'm hairy and my sweat shows I bought I fucking ten of these things 50 bucks and I bought 10

Was that you fart or was that the phone those That was your phone. Oh, okay. I was like Jesus. Yeah. I bought 10 of these things, dude. I wore one the first day. I wish my asshole was that tight that my fuck sounded that fucking pristine. My thoughts sound like this. That's how loose my ass hole is from fucking sleep itching. Sorry got sorry got it yeah yeah first i wear one the first day of buying them dude i literally have never had t-shirts that show sweat more then these fucking t-shirts dude they literally as soon as i put it on it looks like i drop water on my chest because it's for Asian people sweat they don't

sweat it's a good point they don't sweat they have no hair No, it's all they don't yeah, when was let's tell me start Asian guy sweat never Never in my life, and they don't sweat even in Vietnam movies I'm sweating. Hey fuck. I did they built the rareros in America. They didn't sweat one lick All right, well Is that offensive? That's an offensive isn't it? Yeah, it looked as whole podcast as offensive. The fact that we're doing a podcast and we think people are

going to listen to this and enjoy it is offensive. They do listen to it. They do enjoy it. It's called self-deprecation humor, Joe. I thought you were a fucking keen on that. I am keen on it. I got to stand up because it's just a stand the fuck up. And you know why you can stand up, Joe?

Because we got mics now. Because you know what, Bob Kelly went out and upgraded the fucking system. So, you know, a couple weeks is gonna be a donate button when we are announced the news. There's gonna be a donate button, so, you know, don't hesitate to donate. It's not there yet, but pretty soon,

you're gonna see a nice fat donate button So you want to donate a little cash so we can keep this thing going and what do you get? Do you love to say what you get for the donation yet? No, not yet. Okay. No, I don't want to get it I don't want to I want to keep their expectations low. I don't it's not good You really it's the equivalent of a hug Over the phone yeah Yeah, yeah, that's for Jesus. No, you know, you can do speaking of phone. You were a jerky boy's fan, right?

Um, yeah, I love the jerky boys. I love the original jerk. I don't know what his name is. It was before the jerky boys. He kind of inspired them. Tcha Musacha. The guy who did the VCR. Oh, right, dude, yeah.

That's the great. VCR. La. Did you hear that new story, that guy that the kids were hanging out? I was about to go into the character and you stepped on it. Oh, sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. No, now it's good. Go ahead, I'll do it out.

No, the new story, it was just a new story today that some guy, some kids were hanging out drinking on his stoop and he went outside with a rifle and started shooting at them. Did he hit one of them? He hit injured two of them. Yeah, really? Yeah, he didn't kill anybody be injured two kids But I was like that's a fucking old John Musachikal where he was where he called the he called like nine one I forget who he called it was like nine one one or something and he was yelling that these kids kept running through her strawberries and his back yard And he gets a gun you hear go These motherfuckers who have fucking strawberries ladies freak out and I'm like some guy really did the John Musatya call that's funny yeah yeah he what with the VCRs probably the funniest one I've ever heard I mean the funniest one I

mean jerky boys fucking hilarious but V VCR repair. If you haven't heard that, go on YouTube and Google VCR repair. I call, right? Unfucko. Yeah, my mother fucking son, uh, click the motherfucking tab on the back of the motherfucking VCR of. And the motherfucking one run how When I put the motherfucking For me sir don't say MF I didn't say MF one motherfucking time

I love that call he's the fuck fucking best. I love that call. But I appreciate what you're done for me. I appreciate what you're done for me. My favorite prank call thing is from the jerky boys when it's Kistle. And you like Kistle? Well, I love Kistle. You don't like the Kistle calls? Can I just say that?

The only ones stunk when they got better as they went along. He was my neighbor on 43rd Street. He lived, come out. Come out was my neighbor. I'm walking on the street one day and there he is. He's on my block over on 43rd and he lived in this building next door, not a high rise, but like, I think of what they called it, but it was like, you know, whatever, this weird building,

a lot of lofts and all that shit. And he bought a loft like back in the jerky boy days for 50 grand back when hell's kitchen like 15 years ago Right when it was just shit. He bought a lot like a one bedroom slam in apartment in this building The real artsy building for 50 grand and when he sold at 650 Jesus God man, that's amazing. amazing. I used to see him walking up the street we were friends you know I like him a lot really good guy. Remember you got hair plugs but they were shitty you know what I mean I feel so bad for guys who couldn't wait till they enhance the technology and their plugs and they just got the doll head you know

and you know I used to say dude what's up with that fucking birds nest on your head? He he would try to you know fuck with me, and I just trash his hair. Was he a good dude? Great guy Fucking really I like him a lot. I used to see him all the time And I'm actually you know sucks. I don't get to see him, but he's a really good guy dude the fucking call It's my favorite prank whole thing ever when he's doing kissles TV. It's called TV repair Yeah, and he's doing kissles TV it's called TV repair yeah and he's doing kissle and Johnny Brennan's doing pico the fucking like Mexican kid that he says he found on the street and just brought home and he's like I go he goes my TV and he brings it home and

I work and he's like just a whole bunch bunch of wires exposed on the back of it. And he goes, should he touch him? And the guy goes, no, do not touch those wires in the back. And he just here go, he said touch it in the back. And they fucking play the sound effect of electricity. That literally sounds like a Frankenstein laboratory. It's like, on you and Jolly Bennett's going ah ah and he goes why'd you tell the touch it in the back dude that's not a fucking body man it's only the third album that one made me laugh it's it's crazy that one all the

time you know what's fucking crazy about that is that these fucking jerk offs Just sat in a room with a fucking recorder back in the day And I think they it was fucking like the fucking phones with chords Like you didn't even have wireless phones back then just sat there making phone calls as these dumb characters and Made millions. Yeah, and they made a movie. Yeah shit movie, but still a good movie as far as shit movies I was there an opening night there. It really I saw an opening on so much of a family and Me it was me my friend Jim my friend Brett We were huge jerky boys fans and that movie was coming out and I was so excited and Jim was like Jim was smarter than me and way more

Fucking cynical than I was right. Yeah, and I go I can't wait to the jerky boys moving he goes dude. Let me guess They're gonna get in a bunch of jams and have to use their prank calling skills to get out of them He's gonna suck. I was like fuck you. That's not what it's gonna be about I just remember sitting in the theater and that's exactly what it was. I was like, I got damn it Man, it the movie kind of stuck it makes me laugh at times. I also watch you to be movie if it's on I'll fucking watch it. It's a stupid be movie. I'll fuck dude. I watch you up. Josie in the pussy cats Really I've watched a few times a good no, it's it's a fucking girl flick for teenage girls But there's just goofy shit in it that makes me I want dude. I watch anything. Do you know one night I watched a Jan Michael Vincent movie. Okay, when he wasn't Jan Michael Vincent

Vincent, you know, when he made, you know, those movies with Charlie, Charlie Bronson and all that. Who was his name back then? And then and Bert Reynolds. I think he was with the movie. Yeah. His name was Jan Michael Vincent, but he wasn't like, you know, Carl, he wasn't Jammico. No, he was a merchant marine. He wasn't even, he wasn't a kung fu guy or a Navy seal or a, you know, marine. He was a merchant marine and he had no skills. And he went into this tough, Danny I.L.O. was in it.

He went into this neighborhood where the gangs were running rampant and he came in It was just this you know rogue merchant marine and he fought guys But he had no skills so he got his ass kicked right he just got beat up There was no like karate moot the fights were just like regular fights like with a headlock and you know They kicked a shit out of them and that's a funny Did I swear to God until you said Danny I. L.O. was there I thought you were saying my jam like a visit did this in real life and I was like no

I thought it was a story that you were telling it was like a real it wasn't like a movie was almost like a documentary That's how bad it was like it's fucking great. It was but I watched it twice. I'll watch fucking anything He was dude He was supposed to be like a get one of the guys like jam like a Vince was supposed to be and then he got in that car he was like a drunk and got in that car crash He had a reconstructive surgery. It is and it kind of threw him off course You know what it is though dude? It's that these guys is certain blonde California type of dudes baby face guys What happens to them is When they get old they get old if you know what I mean, it's like you're done.

Like Patrick Swazie same shit. Something, you know, Patrick Swazie was old. When he was in outside, he was old. He was in a young kid, he just had a baby face. And some of those guys, when it hits, it just, they go south, dude. Patrick Swazie started looking like his brother. Who's his brother?

His brother, his brother was in, he was in that movie. Remember when Patrick Swayze was a fucking redneck from the country and the mob guys? His brother was in that. His brother, it looks like him. You know, it's typical star shit. The famous good looking brother and then he has another brother of the ax

but he's not good looking. He looked, they looked like, but he looks like he's missing a couple chromosomes. His forehead was a little big. The only case of that where I liked the less famous brother better was Chris Penn. Penn, I loved Chris Penn, man. Chris Penn was great.

I love Chris Penn. Wait, speaking of Bert Reynolds, I had my sweet iPad in bed with me the other night. He was trying to find a good move. I was like, I want to go to sleep till movie, but I don't want to watch a new movie. I want to fall asleep to a to a standard. Can we just stop for a second and realize that you were one of the guys that said you didn't need an iPad. Yeah, I mean we could, but I mean we don't need to live in the past. Well, I'm just saying no. Anthony,

Opie, Norton, you, Colin, everybody, Rick Keith Robinson, I need a fucking, I don't need night, what do you need that for? You got a computer? What are you going to do with that? Now all you fucking son of a bitch is, just talk to me praising the iPad to me like, I don't have one. Like I, I didn't, I fucking told you. Go ahead. The, all right, fine. You're right. I'm going to drink your water. I'm dying. All right. So I wanted a classic to go to sleep till and then I saw fucking smoking the bandit I put that on dude and I still watched half of it and laughed my balls of dude I was laughing so fucking hard that when Paul Williams goes

looks like a legend or not a work bum look a lot of like daddy And I was laughing so hard I email my friend chip and I just started I just wrote smoking the bandit And I just wrote all these quotes from the movie right just email it was like three o'clock in the morning I knew he wasn't even probably gonna see it right, but it was just making me laugh so fun I know why you mean it's my favorite movie of all time one of my I think one of the funniest movies of all time dude Daddy my hat fell off I hope you got damn head was in it. Yeah, you know how about this? I need dog I need a Diablo burger to doc to pep it a goal No, he goes he goes he goes he goes give me a doctor pep with a Diablo sandwich and hurry up. I'm in a goddamn hurry We always do that seed how transport across the state line that's the man

That's that's fucking spill it all the Thank you pretty lady Nazas He's the fucking bass don't leave don't play with yourself You can think about it, but don't do it Dude, I fucking love that guy and I love what is he's driving he's going on that rant about the wedding And I forget what his son said a Jackie Gleason just goes shut yo ass I don't know when he goes there's no way you can be from the same law and Junior when I get home. I'm gonna slap your mama in a mouth There's no way you can be from the same ruins.

Junior, when I get home, I'm gonna slap your mama in a mouth. It's gotta be one of the fucking funniest of all time. Classic, dude. Characters of all fucking time. And it sucked in the second one. Second one sucked. Well, they do it as gay fucking brother oh it's a new all in to watch the third one the third one the eligible that no the offense the second one the third one but ran into the senate is just j

you know the third one was supposed to be called smokey is the bandit and it was going to be jack eglis and playing two roles he was going to be smokey and he was gonna be of the band it too. And it was gonna be him chasing this other character that he was also playing. And then at the last minute, they were advertising for and shit, it's on Wikipedia and everything.

I've seen like TV shit about. They were advertising, they had the posters out and everything. And at the last minute, the studio was like, we can't fucking do this. And they got Jerry Reed to do it. And then they got but Reynolds to do the cameo at the end and it still stinks. It's still fucking Jerry Reed dude. He was unbelievable in the first one.

Yeah. Unfuckin but that I saw that last one. What the fuck. He's another guy. Good looking guy but when he got old it just fell the fuck off because he was supposed to be the shit too. He was in all of Bert Reynolds movies. Remember he was that movie that he played the bad guy and they they they fought and all that shit Remember that?

Yeah, Bert Reynolds move. I forget what the fucking name of race now stroke race was with the fucking kids But now the stroke race. What was stroke race? Stroke race is where no hoopers worries the stunt man hoop is a stunt man stroke race is another one of those How neat him it's like he fucking drives a car You know, it's something like that. It's some fucking stunt man or he drives a car It's right in that whole series. I love it. How about how about a little whorehouse in Texas? I haven't seen that since I was a kid man. I don't remember it. Is it funny fucking Dom Delewese is great Delewese isn't that?

Delewese plays the gay fucking reporter the TMZ guy Texas got a whole house in it Remember he run he goes and they go into the whole house and they just they they just started filming everything and he's singing Texas got a whole house in it and he's doing Dude, it's all dance and it's a musical. Yeah, I gotta check that out again. That's the fight. The funny scene in Cannibal Run, and I've literally sat, in fact, with Burr and just were wound it over and over.

We were Lavanzar. That scene in Cannibal Run when the ambulance gets pulled over. And he's like, they're pretty much the paramedics and they get a crazy doctor right and uh he goes she's real sick we got to get it out we get it at Philadelphia whatever in the cops like if you're in LA why you driving her all the way to Philadelphia she's so sick and not always goes I don't know we're just the drivers you're gonna ask the doctor no you can ask the doctor no that fucking realization when he's like

the dot use it it's great acting dude in a second flat you see the realization of like the doctor is fucking crazy that's a horrible idea we were around that over and over one day do we laugh and so fucking hard at it i love canabal run yeah canabal did all those movies were fucking good, cheesy, fucking funny movies. Now, I mean, I mean, what's a funny movie right now? I mean, okay, hangover one was funny. I thought it was funny. Hangover two, the same exact fucking movie. What's a funny movie?

You know what I just saw, dude? I thought it was going to be a good movie. I was shocked at how not artsy it was and how fucking funny it was. Uh, that movie 500 days of summer. Did you see that? No, what was that? Joseph Gordon led it, led it and, uh, Zoe Dational. It's just about how he works. He's this guy that writes greeting cards for a living. Right.

He wanted to be an architect. He didn't go for it. He ended up getting this job that reads greeting cards for a living. Right. He wanted to be an architect. He didn't go for it. He ended up getting this job right in greeting cards. And Zoe Dashnell gets hired at his company and he falls in love with her immediately. He's like, love it for a site. And it's called 500 Days of Summer because her name's Summer and he has,

his relationship lasts 500 days. And, but the movie jumps all around from from like it's going great and then it'll be like day 48 and he's walking on air and he's fucking skipping down the street and shit and then it'll be like day 365 and he steps off the elevator and he's like that fucking skank, you know, because she just dumped him again. And it's about their crazy vulnerable relationship and it keeps bouncing back and forth. It's fucking funny, dude. It's really fucking funny And it's ballsy, too. It's like you know the whole time like he'll be like I love that You know see this is the fidgetary menu is that I mean I'll go I go see the hits

I'll go see the hits I go to AMC I go you know and I see the fucking hits you you go see the hits. I go to AMC, I go, you know, and I see the fucking hits. You go see these fucking movies that I would, I'm not that I don't watch. But I would watch, like someone will have to say to me, dude, you got to watch this movie and then I'll go watch it. You know, when it's on HBO, on Netflix or some bullshit like that. I just saw him on HBO, and he just plays the guy that, like, the idealist romantic guy that, like, thinks love is a story book shit. He plays that into the depressed guy that gets his soul fucking shattered. Is it funny?

It's hilarious, dude. Like hilarious funny. Like, R.C., hilarious funny. Dude, are T hilarious funny or? The scene that sold me is he's in the office and he's talking to his friend about how much he's in love with this girl before he starts dating her. And he's like, she's amazing, man. She's like, you know, she's so hot.

And his friend's like, dude, I heard she's fucking so and so. And he just immediately goes, whatever, dude, she's fucking skank, I don't need her. You know, like, and it's just so true to like the way guys are, that fucking skank, I don't need it. You know, like, and it's just so true to like the way guys are, that fucking barometer of, or like the mom, or of like so hot and so cold and so hot, and this chick is just destroying him, dude.

See, I like, like, I like Adam Sandler movies. I like the first few, man. I still will watch anything Adam Sandler does. I watch fucking Zohan. I watch all his fucking dude. Mr. Deeds. Mr. Deeds. I hate it Mr. Deeds.

I fucking love that when he fucking, and I sneak a sneaky. You know why I hate it Mr. Deeds? Go take care of that fucking thing. You know, I'm gonna put it on the couch, it stops rumbling. Joe's putting the mic down again and walking over. I love fucking Mr. Deeds, dude. I thought Mr. Deeds was fucking great. I love Mr. Deeds. Here's why I didn't... Stupid poems? Well, here's why I didn't like Mr. Deeds. Mr. Deeds

to me, dude, was like, this could have been another Billy Madison. This could have been so funny with this fucking schmuck that all the sudden comes into all this money and he's just the dumbass and i'm not saying they why one of the remake billy-matis and i'm saying it could have been funny the way billy-matis and was though and then they tried to play it like this sort of romantic comedy and they tried to make a charming and i was like it was like it was just up the middle like there was it never went far enough in either direction one thing I love about Sandler is that he fucking puts his friends in every movie. Yeah, that's awesome. Okay

He and and not just two not one all of them they all get cameos They're all getting help insurance. They're all fucking, you know, right getting dental They're all in movies and he and he know he pays them great, too He pays them good. I mean that's one thing I love about the guy, but he's just a fucking goofball He's just a fucking silly douche and he does silly shit I don't I just like Adam Salah movies. I fucking love him. I watch all them. I like the one where is the devil What was that one called little Nikki little Nikki was stupid What was that one called little Nikki little Nikki was stupid was fucking dumb it had its moments The dog and that gate. I love what's the guy that he actually was in grandma's boy

He was a star grams. Yeah, I like him too. He was great in that boy. You played the grandma's boys a funny movie Yeah, I like that movie here's what I look I think Adam Sanless a Nick Schwarzen is in all his movies now, too Yeah, Nick's funny Nick's hilarious Nick is fucking hilarious. I think Adam Sanland's hilarious I think he's a mega talented. He's a tremendous dramatic actor too like that guy blew me away and punch drunk love I was like punch truck lovers fucking great and um when he went into the store Oh, yeah, I have a love in my life when they flipped out and what's his name? What's the fucking guy? What's your off? I love that you dude. You're a fucking you're this is the greatest thing about you and the all then the scary thing about you Is you know everything about film? No, I don't I really don't know that much dude. You know every anytime I ask you first of all

Anytime you give up see where off. Okay, who that is? Well, okay, a lot of people don't. No, a lot of people don't. He's got a lot of people in for Oscar. Fuckin' whatever. Yeah, this is what I'm sayin' to you. Okay, is that you give, you know you do this, when you are giving advice in life. Right.

You give, you'll say, dude, it's like, in reservoir dogs. You know, when the guy who's gettin' a to cut the guy's ear off he didn't care Bobby That's where you got to be right now. You can't care. Just cut the guy's ear off and And but I like a human like me who actually lives life not in front of a fucking television because I was adopted right right I actually will fucking actually like dude you got it's like dude this time when I was I'll give you an example from my life Not from a movie right and you know Seen's and dialogue you know, I mean Anthony does the same thing Billy does it

Norton does it It's it's almost like stats that guys for baseball and football you know like Which fucking annoys me by the way I hate stats. I hate fucking guys when they go. Yeah, you know, like, which fucking annoys me, by the way, I hate stats. I hate fucking guys when they go, yeah, you're Red Sox fan, yeah, yeah, yeah, who played third base? And I don't know. Go fuck yourself. Right.

You know, dude, it's good, man. The fucking guy's got a lot of RBI's. He's got like 126, so I shut the fuck up. I don't get it. Can I just, it's almost like you can't like a baseball team because you don't know like every single position in the field and they're fucking batting average right right I fucking hate those guys fucking stack guys go fuck yourself right movie stack people it's annoying too because but I'm jealous of it because I wish I knew the dialogue I wish I knew

you know scenes from fucking apocalypse now in the godfather i guarantee that you can recite scenes from uh... any quentin terrentino movie well yeah but i mean but here's a thing though this is this is what where i would there are guys what the fuck was that parents i'm trying to think of what i was trying to say

terrentino is a great example like you watch i've watched a lot of interviews with that guy. That guy knows literally everything about every movie, like it's insane. And I'm like, man, I'm not like that guy. What I am is I'm the guy that if I love a movie, I worship it, I learn it backwards and forwards. So I have my favorite things I love

and then I pick up some shit along the way. But like those guys, I'm jealous of those guys. guys I'm like Jesus Christ these guys that don't fucking go off about Sam peckin pa movies that he's a director from see who the fuck is Sam peckin pa you directed a lot of movies in that way have these fucking spit protectors on these microphones picking pa you know it's cool guy do you ever see the dirty dozen yeah spit protectors on these microphones. Pick and pop. Pick and pop. Pick and pop. You know what's cool, guys? Do you ever see the dirty dozen?

Yeah. Fucking John Casavetes is the guy that plays Franco. Yeah. He's the best character in the movie. Yeah. That guy, you know, I knew that he did other cool shit, like, directed and stuff, but I actually started, I saw in the interview with James Brolin,

or Josh Brolin, who I think is like one of the greatest, that guy is one of the greatest actors out right now. You know what you're doing. Old country full, uh, yeah, no country for all men. Yeah, no country for all men. And, but he was talking about how much you love. You think he's one of the best actors out there? Right now.

Dude, that guy, I've seen him, I watched him in one year, I saw him in, no country for all men, then I saw him in, men then I saw them in what's it called uh... hex american gangster movie did i didn't see john hex jona hex the well watch that and then see if he's one of the best actors but i saw i watched american gangster no country for a man and then he was in the would be alan movie that year too and it was like the diversity of those three characters was i was like this guy is fucking insane man. He's great dude. Hey guy man look. I would say

Who's the other guy and you'll know that was in no country for old men. He was he's fucking great The What's his name the Spanish guy? Yeah? I Can't I don't remember I know fucking he's also a heavy air. Are you heavy are bardam there you go So I knew you'd fucking know you just need a little nudge you fucking nerd, but these are all Oscar people Yeah, okay, okay, you didn't know the listen I know people the guy in that movie who would played opposite of that guy I know that's how I know people right you know people by the actual name and

That's how I know people right you know people by the actual name and Do you go to you probably go to Oscar parties? Do you do Oscar parties? No, I don't like watching the Oscars Really really don't enjoy it at all why I Don't like watching those awards. I don't know. I don't like the award show I'm not saying that in like in like a hip-story way like a award show I just don't like watching all right I'm gonna ask you right now and I want you to be honest with me Yeah, okay, and if you need me to be honest with you first to give an honest answer, I will, but I'd rather not.

Okay. Um. Okay. La Suits de Mastendencia es en botas, Comodidad di Estilo desde 29 con 99. Daisman, mucho por andar. Do you visualize and fantasize about one day and like I'm talking about actually thinking about being nervous and how you know.

Yes, I know you're going to ask me, but finishing for the listeners, I know you're going to say, what am I going to say? I'm going to tell you the extent that I do it too. Okay. Do you ever fantasize about winning an award and giving a speech and having to walk out there and holding an Emmy or an Oscar or people's choice award? I tell you how far I go with this. Yesterday I swear in my life, I was on YouTube and I was watching all these interviews with

Al Pacino. I walked around for five minutes out loud, saying it out loud with nobody here, having an interview that I was doing about acting across from Al Pacino for the first time, and explaining to James Lipton or whoever, like being like, you're on the actor's studio. Yeah, it's usually the actor's studio is what I like to do. And explaining to him, you know, like, what was it like to work with Al Pacito and then they applaud. They have pockets side down.

Yeah, it's like Jesus. Literally out loud going, going like you know you can step up to the plate and you can be a professional but at the end of the day there's no way you're blocking out of your head that your city of Crofts or Mount Pacino so that's going to affect your performance a bit. I was literally doing that out fucking loud. I do it all the time. I have interviews out loud except in speeches. The whole thing. Oh man that's fucking nuts. I actually fantasize walking the carpet and giving interviews and by the way the other night we walked the first red carpet together. Oh yeah that giving interviews. And by the way, the other night, we

walked the first red carpet together. Oh yeah, that was awesome. And you this and I want to tell you something, you got to you got to have a little more self-esteem job. And I've been where you're at. What was it? What would I do? You didn't want to do the red carpet. You were like, no, let's just go in. I don't want to. I was like, let's go. We're doing this. I grabbed you by the arm and I fucking walk up and I go, let's go. And I, we, it was kind of, I loved it that we held hands. And then, and then I knew, you know, look this way, look right, look left. And then we did the interviews and we walked up. You didn't want to do that. Let's be, let's, let's, let's just back up for a second here and tell everybody what

really happened. We were walking up and I said, do we have to go down the red carpet? I don't know if I want to and you went, no, fuck that. Let's go in over here and not do that. And then the guy said, no, you have to go in. That's how he said, does somebody said, you have to go in over there and then you went, fuck it, let's do it. But you didn't want to do it either at first. You were like, oh, it's stupid. Well, I said that. Okay, for podcast sake and for podcast sake and for storyline sake I you know I would have stuck with my it probably could have went further you know what I mean but if you I mean if you want to just fucking live in reality well yeah it's what we're doing well

okay well I don't remember it that way so it's your word against my okay all right but fair enough but let and this is the funny thing, too. Do you know just a backtrack a little bit to winning awards? Do you know how the FX actually put me up for consideration for an Emmy? Yeah, it's awesome. For a Louis CK show. It's awesome.

The mother episode? It's awesome. Congrats again for that. But I can't, I know, look and FX had to you know make that decision right? It's a co-starring comedian role and You know of course I'm not You know, I got the email from the lady and I literally called her and I was like are you fucking with me?

I thought it was one of you guys and she was like no She was actually offended like no Robert. We're and I was like oh no, she was actually offended. Like, no, Robert, we're, and I was like, oh shit, I'm sorry. And I can't find it anywhere though. I can't, like, when you're considered, it's not nominated. It's your considered. And then there's hundreds of those. And they pick, you know, five to be nominated. Right.

So I can't, I just want to see it on a piece of paper or in like, you know, the SAG magazine or do you get the SAG magazine? Right. No, but I know what you mean. The thing that says for your consideration. Yeah, I just want to see my fucking name. It's awesome. On the thing, because I do it, I actually had fantasies.

I, look, there's no way it's going to happen. Okay? It's Louis. It's his first year. You know, he's not even nominated for a fucking Emmy. The show's not up, I don't think, maybe it is, I don't know. But I literally was like, dude, it's gonna happen. Like somebody's gonna see this and go, we're gonna do this one. And I actually pictured myself going to the Emmys

and being one of the five. And like having to go there and sit at the table and know and I had the speech, whereas like look, you guys don't even know how the frig I am. I'm just a fat bald guy on TV. I know you're thinking Michael Chicklis. No, the shield, I had my speech. Like I was writing funny lines to get laughs. That's great. Yeah.

And, dude, could you imagine, I mean, I'm still not dead. Right. Because they haven't made the official announcement of, but how fucking crazy would that be if the announcement came out and they were like, you know, whoever the fuck it was, I don't know, you know, modern family and fucking, you know, all the shows that

are hits. And then, and, uh, Louis, uh, Robert Kelly, guest star and comedian role. Do you know, oh, dude, fuck me. How great would that be? It'd be the best thing ever. I'd never see it. What, are you out of your mind? It'd be the end. No, you'd be off. Well, I just want to, let's cut back to your fucking scenario when you're on the actor studio. You're thanking, working with Al Pacino. You didn't even bring me up.

I wasn't even in it. Like it wasn't even like I made it too. Dude, dude, but I've had full fucking interviews about me and Billy working together. Can we, I mean, can we, can we full interviews? Am I out loud in the shower? Well, the other guys in my head,, I'm responding to the questions out loud. We can't talk, when I was supposed to talk about anything, right?

We still can't talk about anything. I mean, I don't know. It's, I don't know. We probably shouldn't. I don't know. Yeah, it's not right now. We're working on, working on things. We have, I mean, yeah, people know about the book.

You know about the short film. You know about the Montreal. There's something else in the works that hopefully will turn into something cool. That's bigger than anything. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, it's a lot of steps during the process and that's the only reason I don't want to talk about. I don't want to talk about til it's a real thing.

Yeah, I don't want to fucking, somebody asked me today, I was at the seller and they were like, oh, what are you doing? I was like, I was just a little busy. Yeah, what are you working today? What'd you do today? I was like, I was writing. what are you doing? I was like, you know, I was like, oh, I was just a little busy. Yeah, what are you working today? What'd you do today? I was like, I was writing, what are you writing? I had just some stuff. And then he's like, well, what is it?

What's going on? What do you got? I'm like, you know, bad. I wanted to go fucking this and have him spread it. Tell everyone. Yeah, I know. I know. Yeah, you're going to keep you a fucking mouth shut.

Yeah. Yeah, you're almost got into a fight with a comic over that why It was Memorial Day and we're all out My buddy Nate had a big picnic not a big picnic, but you know, yeah We he invited us out to his neighborhood and we were all hanging out This is where I refer to people from now on though by the way I don't want you to own people, comics that I know too, and I'm friends with.

My buddy Nate needs to be, you know, Nate, comic friend of ours. It's not a comic. Oh, sorry. I apologize fully. Oh, there you go. And my self-esteem was exposed. But, now's a comic.

All right. You fucking kind of, I know. Because I just remember the other part of the story, I said I just got to know and argue with the comic. But it wasn't with Nate it was what it wasn't an argument, but I go We were out there everybody took off the 112 and we're doing this podcast. It's 112 We're both sweating like I'm back at the barbecue Joe's pacing. We're gonna get his foot cranks on the fucking wooden floor to the heart So yeah, sorry, go ahead

So I'm out there and we will, you know, and nobody booked spots. It was like a whole day thing. We're drinking beers. We're having a great time. And then like 10 p.m. rolls around. Yeah. And I'm like, I got to go. And one of the comics there is like, come on, dude, no, we're going to go to a bar when

I know it's like, I go, dude, I can't. Like, I can't. I have to be like productive tomorrow. And he's like, why? What are you going to do? You got spots? I'm like, yeah, I can't. Like, I can't. I have to be like productive tomorrow. And he's like, why? What are you gonna do? You got spots? I'm like, yeah, I have spots, but yeah, I gotta do shit during the day.

What are you gonna do? I gotta write during the day, man. And he was like, how long do you gotta write for? And I was like, I don't know, maybe four or five hours. I gotta write. And he was like, who the fuck writes for their set in a four or five hours? He's like, what are you nuts? And I was like, no, it's not. And I was just, who the fuck rights for their set before five hours? He's like, what are you nuts?

I was like, no, it's not. And I was just kept dancing around it. And literally, he just kept, like he wasn't trying to get info out of me. He was so confused. And he was like, I just don't understand Joe. Like, what are you after the first hour? What do you do? What do you get up and do the jokes in the mirror and sit down again?

And he, how does this work? And it was like, I just, I was just like, dude, just shut up. Just trust me. I just can't. It's a thing. I can't, you know, like, say anyway. Well, people want to know for one thing, I feel I feel weird about telling people because if they tell people that don't like me, comics in the business that secretly don't want me to succeed, which you know, they're out there. Yeah, I feel like every, not meaning about you,

I mean every comic, about any other comic. Yeah, yeah. It's, I don't want them to have that and be like, you know, put that negative vibe out there. It's almost like you just want to show up with stuff. Like it just happened and then be like, oh shit, congratulations, thanks. And keep it moving.

Yeah, it's like if I ever land a big movie or a major TV thing whatever it's like I don't want anybody to know until they're flipping through the channels and see the commercial for it and go yeah the next thing what the fuck was that? Do you have a thing on what you know I yeah it's a weird thing though because you know you know even like I I Louis, and I didn't tell anybody. I just kept my mouth shut and it came out. And I'm still getting emails, dude,

I didn't know you were in Louis. I didn't know you were in Louis with the, you know, I probably should have promoted it. You know what I mean? A little more and been like, look, I don't know. It's hard. You know, I did that pilot for CBS, the Robert De Niro pilot

It's called the it's a Robert De Niro pilot. Yeah, Robert De Niro. It's called what he doing with it It's a producing it's called the 22 now. It's called rookies, right? But now it's called the 22. What's his invite? He produced it or the two two or something like that? Yeah, he produced it. He he produced it and That's fucking cool. Yeah, it's fucking crazy, but it actually got picked up. Yeah for midseason Yeah, you were telling me that so yeah, it's fucking great But you know in my head. I'm like dude if this this could be like I'm not one of the stars It's the rookies of the stars, but I'm one of the other guys, you know, in the, you know, I'm in it. And if this fucking goes, that would be just crazy to like, if they were like,

all right, you're, we need you in it. We want you to be in it. We want you to be, you know, imagine me in a fucking deniro pilot on CBS that goes for fucking 10 years, and you wind up just having that fucking side gig that you're making that coin every week, 10 grand a week, into New York City. That's the dream. You know, so it's like, oh, that's not really my dream. That is my dream. I'm saying no, but you know what I'm saying?

I'm saying like your, I'm saying like that's the great thing. I your spiss. I'm saying like that's I would love I love great thing Yeah, our dream that's happening. We're writing the book and all the other stuff that's going on with us three Right is the dream right that's the fucking dream to have something that is you own that you're the producer That you're the writer that you're the fucking director that right that's the dream right because that's where if that's a hit You're set for life you're just done and it's your shit you have full creative control over right yeah so but that is like the side dream yeah I know what you mean what's nice to be part of something where when you're not doing all that shit if you could just if you just get to show up and just be an actor on it.

That's fun. What's the Bob Belzer, right? Yeah, he's on law and order for what? Was it 12 years now? At least, dude, it's 12. It's got to be going on. It's got to be like 15 fucking years by now. Did you understand the money he has?

And if you can do comedy whenever he wants right he can just say hey We're off for the next four months Book me some shows and go do it and make a shitload of cash and have that fucking fame factor When you know when you're there and you know and just and then go back to his fucking beautiful. I know he's got a beautiful Duplex brownstone, somewhere in fucking New York City. You know, you can wear scarfs and berets and nobody fucks with you.

Yeah, you fucking, you know, I know he's got a room with like a leather chair that he reads books. He probably doesn't have a TV because he's so rich, he doesn't need to watch TV anymore. Right. My dad looks just like Richard Belzer.

You're your dad, you're your dad dad. My dad. I thought Richard Belzer. Your dad? Your dad, dad. My dad. I thought that was your dad and the picture of it. It is. Look at him, though. Hold on. He's kind of big. I'm not saying your dad's fat, but Richard Belzer's thin, dude. Yeah, but they look a lot of life. Picture those black sunglasses. Oh, it's not the dad that's fat at your mom.

Cheesies. I'm kidding, dude. I'm. I'm kidding dude. I'm kidding. I'm kidding Dude, I'm sorry my my everybody's mom is fat my mom's fat. Mom's a fat. Take it easy Dude my your mom fat. Yeah, oh mom moms a fat That's why when you get a hot mom. It's like dude your mom's hot because no mom's a hot How uncomfortable would that be I was felt so bad for guys are hot Mom your mom and my mom used to be hot right, but it's but I'm saying like when you're 16 You're no a guy like when like a guy that when you're 16 years old and he's got a hot mom and everybody's like bro You're my friend. I never had it my friend. It was a girl not my girlfriend

But a girl friend of mine at high school her mom mom was so hot, and I'd be like, your mom's so hot. She'd be like, everybody tells me, I'm sick of fucking hearing it. But that's gonna be creepy when you know that your friends actually would like to have sex with your mom. Well, my mom back in the day was fucking smoking,

like model. Like she looked, I mean, you know, one of the candidates would have fucked her. You know, that's how hot she was. She was a smoke and hot broad. I mean, my mom got fucking knocked up at 15. My dad, you know, my mom was so hot, my dad fucked her young. And then banged her again, you know, at 18. Yeah, my mom was very, very pretty. Yeah, everybody's mom is hot. But you look at those photos like Jesus Christ, my mom was very, very pretty. Yeah, everybody's mom was fine. But you look at those photos, you're like,

Jesus Christ, my mom was, I fucked my mom. Jesus, Bob, what is it? I mean, I'm not, I'm just saying, not that I would fucking bang my mom, but you look at a photo, it's not your mom. That's your mom, that photo is your mom. If I showed you a photo of my mom, my mom, I mean, she's, you know, she's, she's, you know, she's,

she's a mom. But back then, when she was in her 20s, you look at you, if you see your mom, it's not your mom, it's like, Jesus, that looks like a chick that I would meet at a club and fucking bang. Right. You know what I'm saying? I'm not gonna bang my mom, but she looks like a girl. I definitely, if I was at a comedy club and my that that

type of girl was there I fucking I try to banger oh boy alright I don't know if I want to go down this road right now and that's not even I mean you're adopted too so wouldn't be that bad can we not all right sorry all right it's work for the church for good people did not listen to the podcast I hope not my mom pulls shit out Sometimes I don't tell her about it. She goes oh, oh no so and so the none at work Told me she saw you on Bob and Tom. I'm like how the fuck did she find that? Yeah, but you know great that is that if she did actually hear that that would be so fucking awesome Oh my god if your mom called you up crying and you'd have to call me and be like, dude, man, you got to call my mom. You got to call my mom, dude. She's crying. She heard you call her. She said,

I'm going to say you were cute. I am cute. And I want to meet your mom. Actually, it's weird how close we are as friends and all the fucking the shit that we're doing now that literally could lock us together for a long time. Right. Probably for the rest of our lives. Right. And our parents, we don't even, I never met your parents and you've never met my parents. Well, you'll meet mine soon, man. They come, they're, they come up like once a month. So it's like, don't, they're going to come up for the day in July. So if you're around, well, around, we should all go to lunch. Yeah, I'd love to meet your parents. I'd like to meet your parents as well. I'm trying to get you a picture of my mom. I mean, I've

seen pictures of her at your house. You have? Yeah, not young, not the young pictures, unless you have, if you're one of those. I'm not going to show you a picture of my mom because I don't want you to go. I'd fuck her. but I know what she looks like I've seen the pictures over your place. Yeah, here's my mom right here There she is right there. That's her right there Yeah Yeah, she wait which one this one no, that's my grandmother you fuck you think my mom looks like skeletal That's my mom okay. Yeah. Now I see the resemblance Yeah, I showed him a picture of my grandmother. He's like yeah, I'm in the front of it. All right

My grandfather's funeral. That lady that's let me see That's a sort of like older milfy kind of lady. I don't know who that is actually I have no idea Dude, how's this? I was at a fucking the show the other night in let me just look at the time We got to wrap this up soon. I was at the show the other night and That was at my grandfather's funeral by the way my grandfather passed away this year That's sad 100 years old 101 almost actually weeks away from being 101 How's it been with the because you know we lost my uncle and my aunt and you lost your grandfather. We, they, everybody kind of died at the same time.

How's it been with like, your family's probably going through this too. Like we're starting, we're now really starting to go through like that adjustment period of like, we've had like two or three family events now without them. And it's, it's weird. It was like, we got together a couple weeks ago for a barbecue and that was the first one where it seemed like everybody was having a good time. And like, you know, you still go to that place and talk about it and every,

they're those somber moments, but it seemed like for the first time everybody was starting to kind of adjust, you know what I mean? It's tough, man. It's weird, man. I haven't had that yet, Kind of adjust you know what I mean mom it's tough. It's it's weird man. I Haven't had that yet, but every year for the last Jesus 15 years Michael Michael lives on literally on the beach in rock port mass

And we do a barbecue Lobsters we get like 50 lobsters my my brothers a you know fisherman Louie gets him right off the boat wrong brings him down down, we get steak tips, and corner of the cob. And I have a huge family. I have five uncles and two aunts, and they all have spouses, and they all have kids, and then my sister and my mom, I mean there's 50 people there. So, and we're all on the beach.

We play Whiffleball every year. The uncles against the nephews, and my grandfather and grandmother are always there. And we take the big picture at the end, and it's just the big picture of the whole family, and they're right in the middle, and this is the August, it's going to be the first year that it's... I don't know, man. I mean, it's going to be fun. I haven't done it. So I mean I think of my grandfather every once in a while I think I'm like I'll never see him again. Yeah, it it fucking you know It's he was one of the funniest guys ever. I know really one of the funniest guys

It me and him were Abin and Costello and I'm not I'm not saying that to be corny or fucking I mean we would get together and he was such the fucking Stray guy and he would you know, I mean we could go on for hours The whole for you I'd sit there and go talk to him and he would set me up and you know Just trash me and yeah, it was just funny and it was just great But it's it's you know, it's weird too is that you know, it affects me in life because I'm not really I don't know where I am in religion This is a whole not a fucking podcast and we should talk about religion next time. Okay. I don't know where I am I'm spiritual. I believe in you know karma. I believe in you can actually make shit happen with your brain

You know, you know, I've told you I have a beam of energy. I think that I can shoot through my hands Yes, and and make things happen I told you I have a beam of energy. I think that I can shoot through my hands and make things happen. We'll talk about that. But I believe in God, but when people die, like my wife's mom died, and that was fucking tough. And I never had anybody close. And then he died.

And then Mike D. Stefano passed away, which I thought I actually looked today at a text message and old tweets that I saw that, like, you know, vote for Mike on last comic standing. I was like, he's gone. Yeah. I think about that. And that, it fucks with me because when I do fucking dirty

shit and I act out and I'm, you know, doing the, when I'm, I don't feel like I'm alone anymore. I never had anybody die that was close to me. So I could get, I never had that feeling when I fucking jerked off the fucking weird fucked up porno on, or when I did stupid shit or I lied or I did, you know what I mean? I never had that, like they're up there watching me.

Shit, and it's fucking with me. Like, you know, I'm in the shower and I'm about to jerk off and I've stopped because I'm like, he's watching, my grandfather's watching me right now. Is he? I don't know. Like, I don't, what do I believe? I gotta really pick something.

Yeah, that's, I know what you mean. I know what you mean. Fuck's where you had a little bit. Yeah, it's like, it kinda changes. I mean, maybe that's how you become an adult is people start dying and that's when you like, look, I'm not gonna fucking. Dude, I couldn't, yeah, it's like it kind of changes. I mean maybe that's how you become an adult is people start dying and that's when you like look I'm not gonna fucking dude. I couldn't yeah, it was like My uncle and aunt died it was like what?

Really you know what I mean like I it's like you couldn't wrap it and I had that moment I was like I'm never gonna see these two ever again. I've had dreams about them now where they like come back For like an hour to be like hey, man I just want to let you know everything's cool. You know like those were dreams What if that shit where but what if that doesn't fuck me up? I was like what if it wasn't what if it what if that Your brain You're a fucking spirit or whatever makes you you I mean because people say you die your dirt That's it there's so many different ways there's so many different religions that you can believe. And it's like, what if your brain and your spirit and that shit, you actually let them fucking come back. And when you're dreaming,

you actually get to see them. And that shit's real. Like they actually did say that shit to you. Well, that would be us. I don't know. Somehow trying to get to a Joe Rogan podcast. Dude you got to get in the universe man. He's fucking Jesus. He I read his tweets sometimes I'm just like I give up. I'm just stupid. I don't know anything. I can't read whatever link this is if I click on it. It's gonna fuck me up for a month. I'm gonna I'm gonna you know you know, want to fucking smoke weed and fucking go into an isolation tank and find myself. I'll tell you one thing though dude, the one, you know, they say you try to find the positive and the tragedy or whatever, it's like the one thing that I appreciate now or cherish is that like, appreciate now or cherish is that like my like my like particularly with my aunts kids I was close to them they're my cousins you know but it's like we

never just sat around and shot the shit a lot it was always like hey Mary Christmas what's up we're gonna eat at the little table together and talk and whatever but it's like at that barbecue for the first time ever I hung out with my cousins with no everybody's parents went home and it was just me and my cousins and we just talk shit and fucking laugh And I was saying shit to them that I was always scared to say to them Like telling them jokes For my act that I thought were like way too creepy and dark and they were laughing and like You know, it was just like they always younger than you. No, they're, no, they're not that, yeah,

my one cousin is on my exact age and the other two are a little younger, but not really. And then I have an older cousin. So it's like they're, you know, there, it was just, we just never got to go there for whatever reason. And then we finally did one time, my one cousin, this is actually funny. A couple times me and him, like we would be at a family function and we we was when we were in college and we both found out that we the other guy smoked weed right and he was like you know one of us would be like I got some fucking weed you want to go smoke you know it was like all right cool I remember that I was telling him the story I go dude the first time I got high with you I go I go it was a blast I got telling him the story. I go, dude, the first time I got high with you, I go, I go, it was a blast.

I got a great time with you. I go, but dude, I had to go through that 20 minute period of getting over that I was high with somebody in my family. And it was freaking me out for a while. And I was like, you know what I mean, dude? And I could tell he didn't go through that at all. And he was just like, no, I was fine. But it just looked like an asshole.

I was like, no, they're not saying you make me uncomfortable. I'm just saying like, there was just that period of like, I've known this guy for 25 years, or 22 years, whatever it was. And I was like, I've never, that's weird, you know? Yeah. You're like fucked up with him now. You're like, I'm gonna say it. I mean, I'm gonna say it.

I don't know because I haven't done drugs in 25 years. Right. What I used to do drugs, I abused it. I was just fucking to get stoned. It kind of reared to me out when I hear these stories of like socially getting high. It kind of fucks me up like, ah, fuck. Not that I'm gonna do it.

I'm not gonna go get high, but it like sounds so fun. It was never social. We would go out the back door of the family event, like deviance and literally drive around in the neighborhood. I just was too old about that. Dude, I was fucking, I was robbing people to get weed and then smoking it all in a basement and then going and getting liquor

and then fucking getting into fights and winding it up in jail. You know what I mean? I wish I had, like I wish I drank on the rocks. I never had on the rocks. I drank straight out of the fucking bottle. I love on the rock. Yeah, you take the bottle, you throw the cap off and guzzle it and I'd be shit-faced. I never had on the rocks. I never smoked good weed because when I smoked weed it was back then in the late 80s, you know, the early mid 80s of some shit, early 80s. So I never smoked good weed, it was that shit weed where you had a smoke like five joints to get stoned.

And now I guess you can take one or two puffs and just get fucking basted. Dude, I remember the scariest time I ever had, like running with weed was, uh, me and my buddy went to, we graduated from college the same time, and we took a trip to LA and then to Austin to like celebrate, you know. And we came back, my parents were at work all day, we fucking smoked so much weed. I think in the car or something, we just reaked. We fucking reaked where I was scared.

Like I'm like, I'm going to call it this is bad. Right. And my mom, I'm technically bringing it into our house. She's going to have a fucking conibction fit. And we were in my bedroom and we were so fucking high and it just, the whole room stunk because of how much we stunk. We got cheese steaks from, from Wawa or whatever or meatball sauce from Wawa right? Yeah, and the rappers were on the ground and my mom came home from working She'd doctor. Hey, the room she's like, hi guys, welcome home. Okay. Hey, that she goes And dude, I hear a paranoid my fucking heart's pounding she goes it smells funny in here. What is that?

And dude, I literally about to just be like, where we spoke to a lot of we Dude, you're all paranoid, my fucking heart's pounding, she goes, it smells funny in here. What is that? And dude, I literally about to just be like, we, we smoked a lot of weed. I'm ready to just come clean. And I swear to God, dude, it's about to come out of my mouth and she just goes, it smells like cheese steaks. Oh, you guys couldn't wait to get your hands on a cheese steak.

They don't have those out in LA. We're like, yeah, cheese steaks, you're right. Go fuck yourself, get the fuck outta here. Oh my God, dude, it was so fucking scary, man. My mom used to smoke weed. I remember walking out in the kitchen in sixth grade, and my mom had to be like two ounces of weed on the kitchen table, her and the upstairs neighbor,

which is rolling joints. Holy shit. My mom, she got, yes, she fucking, dude, she was the 60s. She got pregnant, which was 15. She had me, she was 50. She was 50. Um, not, wasn't a hippie. She, you know, Catholic girl, but, you know, they, she smoked weed. Yeah, she, she smoked weed all the time. I remember that. She used to get high. I remember I come home. It was creepy. When she divorced my second dad of the Billy Managington and we were living in like a, a fucking two bedroom with a poor and, you Whatever she was working all the time I come home and she'd be in the living room with a candle lit and a cheese plate

And fucking just stoned out of her mind drinking red wine like yeah, I was just weird man It was like the fuck is going on, you know, then I remember she started dating my dad who's my dad now Larry he started coming over and You know they'd be in the that the living room which was her bedroom with just you know the candles lit and Just fucking stone and I that's so weird. It's not I mean it's not weird that they did that Which weird to me about it is that my parents were so square, man. They were always like every Sunday at church, you know, my dad's a deacon. He works for a church. His job is, you know, he does business affairs or something for the rectory at the church.

My mom was a Eucharist. She works for a different church in the rectory as a secretary. Now, they're so square, dude. Like they don't, my dad likes to drink beer He has a couple beers every night, you know or or not maybe not every now. I'm making him selling an alky You know what I mean? But he's not not not an alky way. He's just like old school guy like yeah You have a couple beers after dinner, you know, and then you go to bed He always stops at two beers never seen my dad drunk. I've never seen them do anything edgy ever.

That all so I have this this lily white picture than my head of like they've never even been around that stuff. But then I think logically and I'm like I know how social situations work. And I know people as squares my parents that have been around weed. It's like I know my parents they must have been around it just by circumstance. Well, it's a different era though. I mean your parents are probably older than my mom, you know what I mean because my mom my grandparents my mom my grandmother worked at the rectory She used to cook for the priests every day and do their lawn I used to go there and have to sit with her in the rectory and you know my grandfather God bless him was just a man's man and Fuck it. The priest would come over and he'd fucking leave

Right go on the basement fuck that and uh-huh, you know and that he was you know He come home Valentine ale sitting in front of the TV or go in the room and read a book and just sit there He's like a man's man, but you know my mom, you know, she fucked up I mean imagine Catholic family my grandmother works at the rectory my grandfather worked for the ATF and You know my mom got pregnant was she was 15 Is fucking right dude. She had to keep it. You know my I'm you know my sister, you know if she wasn't a Catholic family Oh my sister would have been so held your mind like 55 something. Yeah. Yeah, my parents are like 64 64. Yeah, Don my my my Chicks parents are parents like fucking dad had her when she was 40. Jesus man. Yeah, my parents are gonna be around

But you know to wrap this up, you know, your dad does look like Belzer He looks exactly like him. He does. Yeah, he does. He's a fucking He looks exactly like Belzer But anyways, all right. Well, that's the fucking podcast It was good That was a good one. I like that one. That was actually and then we get the new mics so hopefully you guys enjoy and appreciate that I Spent the shitload of money to upgrade this podcast sound quality and in a couple weeks We're gonna make it a lot easier for you to get the podcast a lot simpler and

We'll announce that next week, but Until then Joe you can see Joe you can get in touch with Joe on Twitter at Joe de Rosa comedy You can see Joe you can get in touch with Joe on Twitter at Joe Derosa comedy Yeah, we're just go to my website Joe Derosa comedy dot com email me whatever and we're all that bullshit Yeah, you know mine at Robert Kelly or you know you go to Robert Kelly live dot com or my who say I have so many fucking social sites Here's something I real quick. I would like to ask you the fans if you're out there and yeah If you want to buy my CD or not, that's up to you obviously.

I'm not trying to tell you to go, but I'm not plugging my CD for the sake of it. But if you have it and you like it, would you please leave some reviews on iTunes? I have one review right now because it was never in new and noteworthy and it never got reviewed. I'm going to go review it. And don't, if you're gonna go review it, don't be, don't try to be the funny ball buster, you know, because that's what happened to me.

They, they, they fucking did it on ONA. And you know, look, a bunch of guys went up and fucking, he's a piece of shit. This is the unfunniest thing ever. And they gave it a five star. And so they love you, Bobby. Yeah, yeah. It's like, people don't get, you know, the average, there's a lot more people out there

that don't get that shit and they see that and they're gonna might buy it and then they see that it's like, don't, if you leave a review for Joe, leave a fucking good review. Even if you don't like it. If you don't like it, don't worry about it. No, fuck it if you don't like it, review it. Be a man. Be a friend to Joe. Yeah, like a man. Yeah, then I just leave a good review. Is it gonna kill you not to fucking bus balls and try to be witty?

Well, everybody that messages me in regards this podcast never does that everybody's very nice Really? Yeah, I mean yeah, everybody's so far as being I mean, yeah, I hate the surprise in it It's like dude. I really fucking really Really quick funny just on the topic of this. I was out with Andy Levy the other night from red eye And we were having a few we were laughing and shit he came to my spot and After the spot he tweets at Went to a show whenever at rich boss Was great that Joe to Rosa comedy was okay

which Voss was great, that Joe DeRosa comedy was okay. I'm like, you motherfucker, right? So I tweet Andy Levy's a bad person, seriously. He's bad, right? And he's laughing and then Voss calls me on my phone. And he goes, let me talk to him. So I give him the phone and Andy gets up and walks across the room. And I hear him going like, yeah, you know, it's not my fault

that he wasn't great. You know, he's rubbing it in more. Yeah. I could hear them laughing at me. I grab Andy's phone. I go into his Twitter and I tweet from his account. I stink. And just said it out.

He comes back and goes, what are you doing? What are you doing? And he went into delete it and he goes, God damn it. It's already been retweeted. I do. We were fucking laughing so hard. It was funny. Yeah, so go to all that shit, go to Joe's thing.

But also, if you like the podcast and you haven't subscribed, make sure you go and subscribe. You guys, I mean, keep in the podcast in the top 200 for the last month, which is fucking crazy. I mean, again, we do this podcast for shits and giggles It's not you know to be anything then what it is just fucking us talking shit pretty much But that's that's that's fucking crazy. I mean I'd love to see it in the top 10 But I doubt that's gonna happen the top 200 out of

However many gazillion fucking parts. I'd say that's a top 200 in comedy. It's still an achievement. Do you have any fucking podcasts that are out there? It's ridiculous. I'm just trying to, it's great. In a manipulative way,

passive aggressive way, tell the, and keep my dignity without saying, hey, subscribe and tell everybody, and keep telling your friends to get it, and subscribe so we can be number one podcast in the fucking world without actually saying that. It turns like that's exactly what you said. But that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that we just do this for shit to get this.

So if you want to go make sure you subscribe, leave a review. Again, don't be a fucking dick. You don't have to be fucking goofy all the time. Leave a good review. Which all of them have the fucking great reviews on iTunes And there's some good news coming out very shortly, so thanks for listening You know we're dead When this part's starting to hurt so bad You know we're dead

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