Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Me and Joe Yannetty

Episode Date: October 17, 2011

Robert sits down with comedian Joe Yannetty Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con fireball! Disfruta de un consumo responsable, 33 it again. You're listening to, you know what, dude? Podcast. Podcast on gloryholradio.com. gloryholradio.com. Go. Hey, this is Joe Yanetti and you're listening to, you know what, dude, on gloryholradio.com.

Say it again, you're listening to, you know what, dude. Hey, this is Joe Yanetti and you're listening to, you know what, dude? On... Glory, oh, radio. Glory, whole, glory, glory, whole radio.com. You know what, dude, podcast. Hey, this is Joe Yenetti, and you're listening to, you know what, dude, podcast on glory, whole, radio.com. That was good, one more time.

Hey, this is Joe Yenetti and you're listening to what? What are you doing? I give some energy. Oh more energy. Hey, this is stop laughing. I gotta take a shit All right, what's up? This is Robert Kelly with another episode of You Know What Dude podcast. I'm here today with a special guest, you know, sometimes I do special guests. A lot of times it's me in Jody, but Joderosa, but every once in a while I get to interview one of my mentors or favorite comics in the world of best friends or You know another comic that you guys don't know that you fucking should know and this guy fucking Is all the above this guy is Joe Yanetti. Hey, it's Joe Yanetti. Hello

Boston dude. He's Boston. He's Boston. He's Boston. He get his straight Now in London, there are new ham Hampshire. Oh, that's fucking tough. It sucks man, I hate it. I don't know if the people from New Hampshire get this. Yeah, you get people from all over the world actually. Yeah, no, New Hampshire's a nice place to live. Is there a fucking tick? If you're, I like New Hampshire, I I fly fishing the hamps, you know?

Yeah, I almost couldn't move there because I couldn't afford the two shit boxes for sale on my front lawn. What do you mean? What do you mean? Everyone's got two cars for sale on their front lawn and they'll hear, I had to put a sign on my car and say not for sale.

Why? Why? People cut how much you want for the SUV. It's not for sale. And why'd you park in front of the house? Oh Jesus Christ. It sucks, I hate living there. You think you're doing morning zoo radio right now? No, I don't give a shit. What we're doing. I hate New Hampshire. I want to tell people.

All right. I'm trying to find I'm trying to find something really quick. I don't hate New Hampshire. What I miss Boston You miss it. I miss the city. I love Boston. Oh My god. What? Hang on Joe. What do you see? I know right? I feel like I'm having hang on Joe what do you see I know right feel like I'm having my fortune told what do you I'm trying to break my pocket I'll find it later I'm trying to fucking Jeannie we're trying I do it the fuck the bald fatness of me I'm listen I want to tell people who you offer okay people like who's this fucking first of all first of all this energy he has right now,

this fucking, this is not what, this is not Joe Yanetti that I know. Just let's, let's, let's fucking squelch this happy horse shit right now. All right, life sucks, it's miserable. I don't know what I'm here for. This is actually the biggest opportunity I've had in three years. Listen, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. miserable. I don't know what I'm here for. This is actually the biggest opportunity I've had in three years.

This is, you, I had to create it. Um, the, I, I've known you for how long, 20 years. Long time, man. Around 20, maybe 18. Since you had hair. I, that's not that long ago, that's six years ago. Oh, all right. Well, you had hair or long time man. Around 20, not 20, maybe 18. Since you had hair. I, that's not that long ago, that's six years ago. Oh, all right. Well, you had hair a long time ago. Eight years ago, ten years ago. Before you even put shit in your hair to try to save

your hair. Did I do that? Yeah, that fucking black shit used to leave on my sink all the time. That was my medicine. That's called the medicine. That's die. That was die. That wasn't to keep it. That's what killed it. It was, you know, you get to that point where you fucking go and balled angry. You have to make a decision. Do I want to, do I want to look, do I want to be 32 and look 48? What do I want to fucking, you know, just go bald and save your anger? Great shape too. When back then, any more insults on my podcast? You want to fucking, you know, just go bald and save your kid. You're in great shape too. When? Back then. Any more insults on my podcast.

That's such an insult. You bald, gray, fat. I was jealous back then. Back then, you go, man, I wish I looked like that. Obviously you were looking at me saying the same thing. Uh, ha ha ha ha ha. Cause Joe's fat. Ha ha ha ha.

Well, you're not, you actually look good. You drop some pounds. Yeah, guess what? Weight watchers. Oh, weight watchers. I'm actually, I'm on, uh, hold it up right now. Won't work. What?

Can you fuck? I'm sorry, is that your sponsor? Shut up. I didn't even see what it was. It's called METI FAST. METI FAST. Yes, and it's a diet that was created for people that were going on the... What's that fucking thing with a cut,

stomach small? Oh, it's like the ring, the... Gastro-bipax, gastric... Gastric bypass. Bipast surgery. Cure's diabetes, do you know that? What, if you get that, if you have diabetes, the diabetes goes away. Why? I don't fucking know. If you get the gastric bypass surgery. Yeah,

really? Lary Lee Lewis. He got it and it's diabetes. Yeah, it's called not being a fat fucking anymore. No, no, no, no, no, no. The operation, the diabetes goes away. Yeah, yeah. Not like after you get fat. First of all, first of all, the operation is they make your stomach smaller. Yeah. Okay, so that can't... Take a comorant, bring around a snake. You don't know that?

If you say the word comorant, ever again on my show, or in life, if we ever see each other, if I bump into you 15 years from now, on a cruise ship, I will fucking smash you with whatever's available. I didn't get the book of things not to say I'm But I'm a man come or man whatever the fuck that word is one of them. Oh, you can say it Listen, I listen to me. You don't even know what it is back up. All right. Let me explain what it is though

I know what a com or a man com or aunt. Oh shit. I said it So the Chinese that it's a bird that goes under the water and catches fish Yeah, and then they put a ring around his throat. Yep, so he can't swallow and they tie a rope like a leash on them And they catch and he goes and gets a fish and they reel in the bird and the bird gives them the fish It's called the Chinese crested comorant You just fucking Google that Listen, let's I got a backup. I'm gonna tell everyone who I am. I'm trying, but you're whipped up today. I'm sorry, dude.

I'm happy to be in civilization. I'll be going, well, let's just go back and we're going to go where we are now. We got an hour. We're going to do an hour. We started, me and you, this is the deal. Me, Patrice, Billy Burb, Dane Cook. That's about it.

I could say other guys that would fuck them. Yeah, fuck him. I don't like sale anyway. Come on, that's not who I am, man. Jesus Christ. I was kidding, I forgot Al Doe Benny. I love Al. I kissed him right on the lips one time.

So here we go, and you ran like a little girl. Hang on. Listen, let me set this up. Excuse me. Very gassy. This many fast diet. Oh God. See me?

No gas. Wait, watchers. So here's the deal. We're doing, we should do shows all the time at the columns. We at the next symbol. Out don't know where you come up You show up you all of a sudden you have your own night and you come back like, you know like Joey and Eddie's back in like that We were like oh my god. Who the fuck is

And then all of a sudden you had your own night and your host in and all this stuff and me and you became friends and you became pals I don't we just just fucking we needed each other and you're hosting and all this stuff, and me and you became friends, and you became pals. We just fucking, we needed each other. At the time, we would drawn together. Well, you know, you used to fucking help me a lot. You used to teach me a lot. You would bring me on the road with you. You'd fucking help me with jokes, you'd help me with comedy, you'd help me with life.

And, you know, I'd get you pussy. Ha ha ha ha. No, you didn't. You tried. I do. You tried. I'm probably the only guy. You can just like, oh, here's some pussy and go, what do I do?

It's been a while. Well, yeah. Well, the thing is because you're a fucking, you're an old school guy. Well, I was also going through a horrible divorce. Ah, I was not horrible. Fuck you. I'm kidding. But if you're you think that ever happened to me. Yeah, that's what everybody says when they get divorced That's not an original statement dude. I just got divorced the best thing ever. No one of us had dude got divorced a worst thing ever I miss her so much that content listen you you came from New York City in LA though you were in California

Yeah, what were you doing when you were there? What brought you from Boston all the way out to California? Which time? I did it a few times. When I met you, I had moved back just as a favor to my wife. That time when you went out to LA originally. Originally, I went out there

because I had some big management that was helping me out. I thought I was gonna take LA by storm. I was like, this is gonna be easy. Then 12 years later, I'm living in New Hampshire again. Wait a minute. Stop, let me fucking take you through it. All right, so I know what time machining for you. For the end of podcast by.

For people who don't, normally the way it works is you move to Los Angeles, you don't know anybody, you don't have anything. Yeah. You start going to one club at a time, you start meeting people, you get into a club, and maybe after a year, you settle into the clubs you like to work, the ones that will give you work,

and you have it. I went out there, and in one week, this manager got me into every single gum in Los Angeles. Really? In a week. No shit. And he saw you how? They had a little pull.

He actually came to Boston because they were, they remember the young comedian specials they used to do all over the country, and Dangerfield did a bunch of things you know, yeah, yeah, what we He was on one of them. Yeah. Yeah, they just actually showed it. They're still showing those things on HBO and So they were scouting a location at the time right and I was dating a stripper And I see the name of everybody's first CD. Yeah, I was dating this stripper. My brother ratted on me.

My brother who was like, you know, my brother was like this playboy growing up, told my mother, Joe's going out with a stripper. I said, hey, I'm not. My mother said, what's your girlfriend's name? Is it Autumn Blue? But this guy, everyone's like, where should we take him? And one of my, the girl girl her friends came up and kiss me goodbye and they're gonna go oh nice fringe benefits being a comedian. I said out there a couple of strippers from across the street. He got really weird and they took him to the naked eye

in Boston. Yeah I'm a bad zone. I used to day to grow the work there. No did you? Yeah. What was it? I know who you went out with. You went out with jazz. No. her name? And I'm a dick. I know who you were in that with. You were in that with jazz. No. Was it jazz? I forget her stage name. She was cool. Actually, the guy comes over. I think it was Dallas.

This guy. Ha ha ha. Wait, I think I knew her. No, it wasn't the naked eye. I was worse than you. It was the glass slipper. Oh, all right. Okay.

No. I remember on the glass slipper, one of the girls routine, because it was, you know, no, my girl did work at the naked eye. All her friends worked at the glass slipper. Because I remember the strippers would, the strippers would go over the glass slipper after,

the naked eye strippers would go over the glass slipper after for drinks, because they had cheap drinks and because all their fucking, you know, goofy friends that couldn't work at the naked eye who would be with her. Well, and I remember that one of the ladies routines, she'd come down on the, like, the last stripper of the night and she'd dance, take a close-up,

she was like fucking 38 Mexican lady and she'd Windex, the pole and the mirrors from all the pussy smudges. But that was her routine. That was her acting. She made a lot of money, dude. Yeah, she made a good money. The janitor loved her. Hold on a second.

Oh, Jesus Christ. You get a message from my ex-wife. No, no. I'm gonna turn that off. We're gonna get into that, too. I am, Turner. Let's go. But, uh, but it was the ship leaving.

First of all, I need to tell people that there's a ship literally down the street from my house that that dropped Joe off. Every once in a while, I'll get a call from one of my best friends in the world. Um, where are you? I'm having coffee. I'm in your neighborhood because some luxury cruise. She just dropped them off at the end of my street. So that's pretty convenient. Yeah, and the Queen Elizabeth. Right. Is that what you're on? Quit. No, that's right. Next to the one I'm on. Oh, okay. You're on the fucking ghetto Jamaican party. But yeah, it's amazing. I got it off the ship. Well, I'm getting shipped. It's like one of those buses that ride around on a fucking tropical island.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So so trailer bar. So you go to LA dude. You go to let me face your ship Okay, well do you remember the one that there was a stripper who used to be a guy I In my life there's a lot of those yeah, but she used to use it, but she was gorgeous I don't remember and she used to be a guy and she used to say to guys I don't know why you don't want to fuck me my tits or six my pussy's only two I don't know why you don't want to fuck me. My tits are six. My pussy's only two. Is that true?

Yeah, he's a great guy. Yeah. I don't know how everyone knew that this one girl used to be a guy, and they'd go and look at her pussy and go like, my God, that's amazing. It was like a science project. Look at how good they did that. If you'd have to fucking loop it up. You spit and fucking Vaseline Well anyway this guy for those of you who aren't familiar with the combat zone of Boston

Yeah, what is this gone by the way? Yeah, he comes up to me and he goes Hey, there's a guy getting a hand job in the corner over there. I'm like so yeah And then later this girl comes up to me jazz Yeah, and she goes and she's like hey Joey How you doing and she had to go hey, Joey, how you doing? And she had to go cash out her tickets for all her drinks or something. And the guy goes, that's the girl that was giving

a guy a hand job in the corner. So she comes back and goes, jazz, were you just giving a guy a hand job in the corner? She goes, yeah, some of a bitch almost got me arrested. And this guy who was one of the biggest managers in LA goes, well, I hope you washed your hands. And she slapped him in the face. She was like patting him on the face,

going, don't worry about it, honey. Oh my God, I'm like, no. He fell in love. Of course he did. He fucking went home and licked the side of his own face. Trying to get that manges. So those are the guys I went out to LA to, they were gonna help me in LA.

That's why I moved there. So they were like, you gotta get out here. We got you. They were huge. I mean, but they were like, we got you. They were gonna help me in LA. That's why I moved there. So they were like you got to get out here. We got you Yeah, they were huge. I mean, but they were like we got you they were telling you Yeah, we got you. Yeah, and I and and the first day in LA I do my first set at the improv in Los Angeles. I get off stage Yeah, and I'm talking to the guy and this other dude walks up and goes hey, where is he? And he goes, oh you just missed him. He just got off stage.

Joe Yonetti, this is Jim McColley. He books the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. I'm like, holy shit. This is gonna be easy. And did you get the Tonight Show? No, no, that was, that was, well, I kind of blew it because this other lady convinced me that this big, huge company

wasn't gonna do much for me. And she would really spend a lot of time on me and you know I was a kid I didn't know what the fuck was going on and I fell for it and I really blew it. Why did you blow that though? Because I signed with the chicken instead of the big huge agency. So that kind of sucked. And then afterwards when I found out I sent a guy an apology letter like,

I'm a fucking idiot, I'm really sorry. So you went with, you, you, some lady, some lady, smaller lady. Yeah, now, conjured you into signing with her. Yeah, she was like, I'll spend so much time trying to get you working on. And she didn't. Dude, I didn't know how it worked that this fucking dude secretary could do more for me than this other manager God damn it exaggerating wow that's probably the biggest I had that I've had that though

I was in LA when I was with you when I was staying with you and some ladies some I don't know what the fuck It was called those sports something agency and they handled sports guy But not like they didn't have like like you know top sports They're like a soccer boy. Well, they had a soccer player from like fucking San Diego. I don't know, right? And I met I met a for lunch and she got me and she almost got me dude because they catered to your ego And they they really they act like they you know, know it's like you're way gone okay baby I beg you run an errand where the fuck is she going the hell she going I don't know but everybody thinks you just say goodbye to me no you're here it's my wife they know my will you just talking to

me and you go hey where you going they know she fucking they fucking even. She fucking, they hear her all the time. Oh, okay. Around three hours. They know who my wife is. I yell at her all the time. She does a rule. She got me on the show. There's no time.

It is no talking on the podcast. And she'll fucking yap up anytime she fucking wants. Anytime she hears something, you know, I want time. Shout out fuck up. And the fucking fans like love her fucking yapping and interrupting me, which it bucks me even more. But anyways, it's just weird. She's all fucking ready.

Will she blowing a fucking gym dude? She's all, she's going, she's running an errand. She's in gym outfit gear. Some of a pitch. Maybe she's running, literally running an errand. Hopefully she's running, just running away. You're so fucking happy. It's ridiculous. It's been tough. It's been tough. I can I tell you some? You're gonna tell me right now, not like she that your own wife doesn't listen to your podcast. I'm not I'm not gonna sit here and reveal

crucial information about my wife's inside of my wife's vagina. Oh shit. I'm gonna Tell you what I'm saying. No, it's perfect. Oh, okay, that's the problem. I don't like perfect ones I like ones that could give me AIDS and herpes Running the risk that's what gets my dick hard. I need some fucked up puts We from I'm from paramus here. We go. Oh, you should come on the cruisers me, man. There's thousands of them. Anyway, I quit smoking a month ago tomorrow. Fucking A.

Yeah, fucking, oh my God. So, you know, and then last Wednesday, I stopped eating shitty. And I've been on this, uh, Medifast diet that I'm gonna do for 30 days. I'm gonna try it and then I'll probably just probably go to Weight Watchers. Dude, it's amazing.

Weight Watchers. It's amazing. Lenny Clark lost over 200 pounds. I know, look. He's got a fucking six pack. I know, I've seen him. He's amazing. I know, he looks amazing.

I know. So I'm doing it now to Weight Watchers. We stopped promoting weight. I didn't get a dime from them. I don he looks amazing. I know I'm doing it now to wait watchers. I we stop Moaning wait, I didn't got a dime from them. I don't get anything from them either. Well, why do you get like that shit free? No not yet not yet But maybe someday I'm doing anything has the word fast and I'm gonna try I'm gonna try it for a month Yeah, and I you know, I'm it's it for a month. Yeah. And I'm, it's actually been, it's so hard. I can't explain to people smoking when you could smoking. One of the things that kills you,

the first two days awful, first week is terrible. Then all of a sudden you're okay from it, but you realize there's certain times you smoke. Yeah. Before I go on stage, right when I get off stage, right after I take a shower, right when I'm done working out, when I'm stressed, when I'm happy, when I'm saying it's, but you know what used to kill me. But there's specific times. Talking on the phone. Exactly. Doing this podcast, I used to smoke. When I write, writing, I used to change smoke when I

did write. Oh, me too. I couldn't write for the first three weeks. I had shit to, I couldn't do it. I had to tell the guys, I'm sorry, but I can't seem I'd leave the house. Yeah. Because I change smoke. So you learn that stuff. And it kills you. It could you're thinking and you're smoking while you're thinking. Well, it's it's you've that's your break. That's your anxiety break. That's your disconnect from the world of stress and whatever fucking negative shit you're feeling, you disconnect from that with that cigarette at that moment.

That little thing releases the high from the nicotine, but the movement also takes you away from it. It gives you some type of strength to get through that moment, to get on stage or to do the podcast or to continue writing. It just does. I don't know. And then to take that away, it's like, oh, you start realizing these moments. You need a hug, not now.

But I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I'm not going to rely. I do. But then doing this, I realized food is the same thing. There's moments where I'm like, to rely on you today, but then doing this I realized food is the same thing There's moments where I'm like I eat now. I Need to eat when I sit down to watch a movie. I want food when I sit at my computer I you know and after I jerk off I want food after sex

I want food when I feel sad all of a sudden I feel lonely or if I get angry I just want to go get a fucking pizza. And, yeah. And, yeah. And so, this thing that I'm doing, you eat six of these little meals a day. Yeah. And then you have one regular meal a day with salad, vegetables, no fruit, and a protein.

It's killing me, it's fucking, it's like quitting smoking. It's like, food is the same fucking thing for me as smoking. Yeah, but it's because because in your head, are we really thinking that's it? In your head. Yeah, we just want to just goes work. You want a quit eating. Yeah, you want a quit eating. You're like, fuck, I fucking hate food. Food has been so bad to me. Fuck food. it's like that scene in that movie What is it when they have the the flower there? Oh Fuck what's the movie with the orchid thief? And the guy goes it cuz I never fucking touch fish again There's nothing better as a comic to see another comic flounder and what's that movie and I just stared at you

better as a comic to see another comic flounder and what's that movie and I just stared at you. I didn't know what it is. I didn't try to help you. You like the movie with the fish and I'm just staring at you. You kept going. The Yorkin thief is. I have no idea. I have no idea. I have no idea, but you point. I get your point. It's the one where we where the dude plays him and his twin brother Alps The guy who does all the devil movies And he'll help Al Pagino no no no what he's the guy in the motorcycle he's a skeleton Yeah cage Nicholas cage

Nickolas him and his twin brother, huh? He's writing a screenplay though, ma'am. I don't know Fucking it's called like first draft or something You really are on boats because you've watched all the shit. He's movies ever I'll think of it as soon as you turn the fucking machine. What is it? Let's call Anyways anyways, Joe you know you have food addiction to man. I know I know, but you've been up and down up and You've been up and down anyways., I'm on this fucking diet.

And it's real. First of all, many fast is gassy. It's because it's all processed food. I, it's unreal. What my ass hole's been doing. Like it's me, my wife got no fight about it and Ikea. It's like, she's like done with it. Like it was cute.

Farts are cute. Farts are funny. I don't give a fuck who you are. I'm 40. Farts are fun. Not these ones. Not these ones. These ones are fucking insulting.

They're fucking insulting. I mean, just awful. I ran away from one. And at Burlington Code Factory yesterday, I farted. It felt like I shit in my pants. That's how much gas came out of me. I ran away from it.

I look instinctually, my survival brain techniques. I ran. I'm looking behind you. There's two bottles of bino two bottles. Yeah, I gotta I gotta take It's very gassy and I don't like that about it. I don't like you know what though I think I'm gonna switch the weight watchers. I'm telling you honestly. I said the weight watchers I said to myself self. I'm gonna this self. I turned 49 in August. What? Yeah, I'm kidding.

And like a few months before that, I said, okay, I'm like 285, I wanna be under 250 by the time I'm 49. So I do a countdown every day, and I say it's my countdown to the number 249. Right, that's okay. So to weigh 249 or less, by the time I'm 49. I fucking hate you. I had to lose five pounds a month.

I had to lose five pounds a month. That was easy. I start going to the gym and I'm losing the weight and it's going great. It's easy because I only set such an easy goal. And then I can't remember what happened. I fucked up at the end on my 49th birthday. I weighed 291. You I was like fuck this. I lost like 15 20 pounds and then I gained it all back plus six pounds more

but why and I why because I got fucked up and I let it get to me like like this business was going bad and I got fucked up and I let it get to me like like this business was going bad and so I said that's it I went to my first weight watchers meeting. I was crying. I was like I can't believe I'm one of these people I can't control what I put in my own fucking mouth But wait a minute you can't go to weight watches meeting on the boat. No, no That was the biggest challenge because I started losing weight I mean I haven't lost a lot of weight, but I've lost 14 pounds. And I'm going to the fucking gym every day. And the thing with weight watches, they teach you how to eat regular food. But here's the thing with Weight Watchers and I've done it too is that you don't have to go to the gym. It's a mat, losing weight

is a mathematics. It's what you put in, what's it? What you put in your fucking fat face. If you put in more calories, if you count the calories, if you do the math, and now they have an app that you take a picture of the food and it will tell you how many calories are in it. Get the fuck outta here. I swear to God.

I said I got it on me. Holy shit. I got it on me. So you take a picture of a girl. I'm sorry, you're over my limit. It's 5,000 calories for that fat pussy. It's called yeah it's called mill snap and you take a picture of it and it will tell you I mean it's you know another good one I have is called lose it. These apps that are cool because you can lose it actually you put in your information you

weight your height your sex blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then it calculates what you are, how many, how, then you tell it how many calories you wanna lose? How many pounds you wanna lose in how many months? And it will tell you what you can eat for the day. How many calories you have of the day? Wow.

So it will say you have 15, you have 1500 calories for the day you can eat. And as you work out you add that. So in the morning you go, okay, I had egg whites with ham. So you go in the app and it has all this shit. Yeah. Denny's it has McDonald's it has all. Yeah.

Wait what? It says all that too. All that shit so you click it and it adds it and then you go for lunch and you click it and add it. And then if you walk for 20 minutes, put that in and it deducks. Yeah. So now you have more food. Yeah.

And you keep doing this and then when it says you're done for the day and that's what you know what? Weight watchers broke it down it's even easier they have points and they take they take they don't even count calories right. They take protein carbohydrates fiber and protein carbohydrates fiber and what's the other thing? It's not calories. Jizz. No, stop that.

Sorry. No, it's just fiber protein. Now I forgot two of them. And then it gives you a certain amount of... Do they have something for your memory? It gives you two things that you're fucking staring blankly into my face. You know when you get, you come in on a ship, got to sit there for two hours and wait for fucking immigration and then they look at your passport go Okay, you can go really just stay there all this time so you can all right anyway

So I'm exhausted and I just drank like three cups of fucking tea and I'm wired all right So we're gonna give you a point system they give you a point system right and like vegetables, zero points. You can eat all you fucking want. And I'm at a meeting one time. And the lady goes, well, you know, do you really have to count this and you know fruit and vegetables and this. And she looks at everyone. The meeting goes, how many people are here? Cause they ate too much fruit. But you look really help it. But you look at, you're allotted a certain amount of points a day and it's much easier to keep track of that. So you've done it.

You look at it and you go, wow, this is, like you look at, you go, okay, I can eat a bagel. What? A bagel? What bagel? Am I saying that incorrectly? I like the way you say it. I just like the way you say it. Bagel.

Bagel. Bagel, I can eat a bagel with cream cheese. All right, I can eat all this fruit plus, you know, this yogurt and this thing and this thing and this thing and that thing and you go, and it's the same points. So you go, I don't want to waste those points. And you can have anything you want. There's no food that you cannot have.

It's just you look at it. I don't want to waste all my food no food that you cannot have. Right. Yeah. It's just you look at it. I don't want to waste all my food on my points on a snickers bar. They teach you how to eat. Yeah. They just teach you how to eat the way we should eat. And this is another thing. I watched this this movie last night that it was good. It was, you know, it was a fat person movie. You know, those movies was those inspirational fat people movies. Yeah. Shrek. Hahaha.

Hahaha. No. No. That was, but I know you're kidding, but in a weird way, brother, that was a, that was it. Yeah, it's like you could be happy with a fat green chick. Yeah. It was called, honest to God, I wasn't it. Yeah, it's like you could be happy with a fat green chick. Yeah, you. It was called,

Honestly, God, I wish I could. It was called fat sick and nearly dead. If you're a fat guy, if you're a real obese, if you're overweight, you get diabetes, or if you're a food addict, you're just sad lonely at night, stuffing fucking pizzas and Chinese food. And if you're throwing up in your sleep, waking up,

and then swallowing it because it was too lazy to go to the bathroom and puke. Wait watchers. What? Watch this movie. Fat, dumb and happy. No, fat, no, that's, that's, that's our movie. Oh, what movie?

Fat, sick and nearly dead. It's on Netflix. It's a docum, sick and nearly dead. That's a documentary and it's a guy who said, I'm going on a cruise. Who's over, no. He was overweight. He was really overweight. It had a disease, a debilitating disease, skin disease.

And he said, I don't get why when you're a kid you can scrape your knee or cut yourself and on the outside of your body, you know, heel. We'll just heel itself. I don't understand why the inside of your body doesn't do the same thing. It does. And with these not with certain things they give you pills and you know Now they just give you pills and all this shit. He goes I thought that You know he wanted to go and lose weight and go on a juice fast for 60 days

Where all he did was green juices? All day for 60 days and he did did it, and then after that, he was going on a vegetable fruit and bean diet where that's all he ate. He could eat beans and stuff like that. He did it, and I went through America across, it was in New York for the, and it was so funny the first week, he was just in bed.

This guy's a millionaire, by the way. He says a lot of money. Oh, cool. So don't think that, you know, he could buy a lot of beans. Well he could, well he could also, you know, take a couple days off of work. That's the problem with these fucking movies is that the average truck driver, the average fat fucking buffalo, you know, we can't take a week off. We can't take three months off and just do this. We have to live life.

We have to go and deal with the stresses of traffic and our boss and our fucking work and money and bills and blah, blah, blah. That's why we're fat fucks. You are a millionaire that can take the fucking time. That part sucked to me. You know what I mean? If I could afford a trainer,

I'd be in fucking tip top condition. If I could pay a guy to force me to go to the gym every day, and inspire me and force me to do shit, I'd be in great fucking shape. I know somebody who has a chef and it costs $400 a week. That's it? Yeah, $400 a week and they come and they cook all your food.

We could split a chef. You're in a boat. We have to live together. Anyways, Joe, there's so much I want to talk to you about you, Cogsacker. We need to go back. Okay, good. We need to go back and we're going to come back to this.

We might do a couple podcasts. What time do you have to do this? So that's why I moved to LA. I did star search. So wait a minute, you're in LA. Let's, I'm sorry for the fucking listeners. Because you know a lot of people like, no, keep talking about fat people stuff.

And the in-shape listeners are like, just what the fuck, go back to the show, bitch shit, you fucking do fat heads. So I go on star search. So you're in LA, you fucking douche the managers, but you get on star search. Yeah, yeah. I don't, you know, I was talking to someone

about this today. I don't ever you know, I was talking to someone about this today. I don't ever remember auditioning. I know I did. I remember doing the show though, because I beat Drew Carey. Right. And he was really, I guess, I was, I guess I was a dick. Yeah. I don't remember saying this.

He says I said it, and I believe him, because I was kind of a punk back then. Yeah. He came out and I said, hey, nice suit to lose in. You said that to Drew Carey. Yeah. Yeah. And so that's why I was never on that show. Yeah, he came out and I said hey nice suit to lose in you said that did you carry? Yeah, yeah And so that's why I was never on that show But then a friend of mine Mike Dugan very funny guy beat me on star search. Now what do you say they he didn't say anything He was like see ya. Oh really?

No, so did you win at all? Did you win any? I went I won one with against truey. Yeah, and then I lost. But that was in one day. That was all in one day. All in one day, you won and lost. Yeah, and you went home. Yeah, I have a friend of mine that won fucking nine of them.

Oh, really? Oh, he thought he was moving to LA. Yeah. And he had a package shit up. Jeff Ross, Jeff Ross bought like, he brought like six months worth of luggage to LA and lost the first day I can say

Keith Robinson Keith Robinson was like on it every god damn it rock Three stars that's what I deserve and that's fucking boo fucking gone But I don't know who it was, but there was a comedian that used to do a joke He used to say I'm not gonna go on star search and be judged by P. Isadora and then he got on star search and one of the judges was P. Isadora. God. Best line ever in a movie. What?

I had to fuck my way to the top. P. Isadora, remember that? No. That's a great line. In that one movie she did. No. She gets up at the end. She's winning and it finally makes it and she gets up says, I had to fuck my way to the top.

That's right, you should did, Pia. You cute little muffin. I was fucking suck this cock. Her husband bought a casino so she could work there. No shit. No. Wow, fuck. Goddamn women.

Goddamn women. I know. I can't believe that. Speaking of women, now you're in LA. Oh, so I saw them in LA. You're in LA women now you're in LA. Oh, so I'm in LA You're in LA. What what now you're in LA? What kept you there dude? What kept you there and what brought you back ahead of dream? Fuck off. I'm serious. I did I had a dream, you know, and I was like I'm gonna be a fucking star

I look I used to look at these hundred million dollar yachts going that's gonna be so nice when I get there really Y'all it's going, that's gonna be so nice when I get there. Really? Y'all fuck man. Yeah, and then, ooh. But, you know, I probably would have done better if I just stayed there. You know, but, you know, I grew up in East Boston. My father believed if he could make $100 a week, he'd be rich. You know, so I'm working on the road in the 80s,

and someone offers you $2,500 a week. I was like, fuck an A. I'm not gonna stay in Los Angeles and be poor when I can make that kind of money. That was really good money. Yeah, you were all white trash, dude. Yeah, so we all have that white trash disease where it's like, oh my God, fucking. Not only that, I had never really gone anywhere. Right.

So now all of a sudden I'm working in Hawaii, I'm working all over the United States. I'm getting to see all these cool places. Rehases. Yeah. And back then it wasn't like HBO and all that stuff wasn't as big. So when you went to these different parts of the country, they were very different. You know now everybody's watching the same thing on TV. Everybody's eating the same foods. You know, there's not as big a difference as there was back then. It was really cool to go to these different places. Right. I mean, back then, there wasn't pizza in the middle of the country. Yeah, no. Caliph, yeah, California didn't have pizza. Yeah. California had different, that's interesting, man. Yeah, all these places had, you had to

go there to get that shit. Now they just ship it out. Yeah. They open up a chain here. Yeah. Cause you know, you have dominoes in Boston, you have dominoes in Louisiana. It's the same fucking pizza. Right. Back then, you know, there were centarpios and then some fucking guy who was in the witness protection program that thought he could make the same pizza

in fucking Pomona, but the water's different. Right. I mean, well, you know, the pizza and the place in Beverly Hills, whatever, there's a pizza place in Beverly Hills that was opened by the broad who was in raging bull, the blonde bitch. I'm just, it was like, I gotta lose weight,

I gotta lose weight. Now it's like, you know what the best pizza in California? Yeah. Come on. Well, it's in Beverly Hills, I forget the name, but they ship water in from New York City. Yeah. Because the LA water is different

and it makes the pizza shitier. Yeah. So they actually ship the dough. Yeah, that's crazy, right? Yeah. So anyway, so you're in LA anyway, so it was my question for you though. Okay.

You're in LA with a dream, like all of us. Yeah. And then you're married at the time. Yeah. She's out there with you. And you, and this is, I don't know if this is sure, you were supposed to do Johnny Carson the last week he was on last month, the last month. Yeah. And, and, and well, I was doing a lot of TV. Like I wasn't doing. What were you on? I wasn't. Well, back then when they were doing

evening at the improv and Caroline's comedy hour. All these different TV shows that were like on A&E and all those different networks and showtime. And I did like three dozen TV shows. Maybe even more. I'm TV all the fucking time. Yeah, my intro, when people say what's your intro, I'd say this next guy's done every TV show

except ones that will help his career. That's it. But then the guy from the tonight show sees me. Right. And I start working with him on a set. And back then the tonight show with Johnny Carson, you did seven minutes. But they wanted to like Carson wanted to discover a comedian. He didn't want you to come on and do one spot. They wanted to know that you could do three spots. So that's 21 minutes of clean television,

killer material, three opening jokes, three closing jokes. And really, and it had to be really good. And they wouldn't put you on once unless they knew you could do it three times. Right. I guess, I mean, that was my experience. I don't know if it was different for anybody else,

but, and so I finally had a set, and I was at the comedy magic club in Hermosa Beach, and Leno, I was working with Leno on a Sunday night, and he goes, hey, congratulations, you're doing the show next week. And I didn't even know they had put me on. Really? Yeah.

Well, because McCauley, the guy who booked it at the time, told me I would do it, you know, you'll do it next month. You knew, you knew Leno, you were friendly with Leno. Yeah, yeah, but, you know, we worked together, he used to do every Sunday at the comedy and magic club. Still does. Now I think he does Mondays now. Like I said Mondays.

Yeah, but he used to do Sundays, he used to do like two shows on the Sunday night. Okay. And he was always practicing, but this was before he was the host of the tonight show. He was just the permanent guest host at the time, I think. Right, yeah. And he's the one that told me.

And then on the following, like they had Mondays off, because Carson didn't work on Mondays by that point. And I had to fly to New Jersey on Tuesday. And, but I called and left a message from a colleague saying, you know, I heard I'm supposed to be on the show next week. And they called me up and he was like, I had you up on the board, but I had to take you off because so many people want to do the show one last time.

And I got to put Cosby on. Oh my God. And I can't put two comics on the same day. You got to bump my Cosby. My hero. Well, I love Bill Cosby. If you did that show, do you think it would have been a difference? Absolutely.

Really? Absolutely. So if you did that tonight show, that last month, you think it would have changed things. Well, I would have been able to say that I was on the tonight show with Johnny Carson. And that? That was like a stamp on your forehead. Like, no, you're a bonafide comedian.

Yeah, it still is. No, it's like. It's still fucking this. Yeah, but now they have you do four and a half minutes. And if they go to a club and see you do four and a half minutes that they won on the show, they give you the show. Yeah, they give the show away. But, you know, I mean, look, Leno and Letterman is still a stamp,

but it doesn't really do that much for your career. No. It's more back then, you did the tonight show. You made money. You had an opportunity. Yeah. You don't really have an opportunity from doing it now. Well, back then, people knew if you go on the tonight show, because to have 21 minutes,

three separate sets, you probably had to have at least an hour and a half of good material. And the club owners knew that. And if you call up a club owner and go, hey, I'm gonna be on the tonight show. And you're gonna promote the club. And if you book me at your club for a week, I will plug it on the show.

Yeah. And you would get, like your price would go up instantly because you were gonna do that. Well, now you don't, you call someone up and go I did David Letterman show you don't make a fucking penny more. Yeah and well I know guys have done it you know six times. Nothing. Yeah it does nothing.

It's so saturated now this comedy business. There's so many clubs there's so many talk shows on too. Back then, there was Carson and Letterman. Well, you know, when I was, when I was coming up, TV was bad for a comedian. I mean, it was good to get on television, but it was only a means to promote your live careers. Live careers, right.

And to watch someone on TV, you would watch them do a short set. And it was a horrible medium because a lot of people don't know. And, you know, if you've never been, go to a live comedy show. It is a completely different experience than watching a guy do an hour on HBO. I'm not that, I don't think, I don't consider myself that good on TV. There's something that, I think TV is an equalizer.

I think it takes great performances and makes it good and takes shit performances and makes them good. I think it really, it kind of evens the playing. Joke writers, I think, are great on TV. Guys who go up there and tell set a punch tag, those guys do really well on TV because it's very short and like four minutes, seven minutes, ten minutes, fifteen minutes, half hour, boom, boom, boom, boom, with commercials.

So it breaks them up. But when you go see, I don't, I don't, when you go live and see a joke guy, it's after ten minutes, fifteen minutes, I'm like, I get it. I know where he's going with everything right now. I know nothing is real, it's all a lie, and it's just for the joke. But when you go and see a storyteller, a real comedian who goes up and takes his life and puts it exaggerates the truth and adds punchlines and tags into that.

I'll listen all fucking day. Because there's some honesty behind it. I can relate to it. It's a story, it has a beginning, middle, end. And you know something about the guy when he's done. Personally, I think that, you know. That's why I get angry with people who will be more funny on Twitter.

I'm not funny on Twitter, I'm funny as a comedian, a stand-up comic, I've been doing that for 20 years. I use these things to come see me be funny. If you come to my show and you don't think I'm funny, okay God bless you. God bless you, then all right, cool, I'm a fucking, I stink, I fucking stink, but don't, these people 140 characters, it's like,

if you're a funny and 140 character, you're not funny in life, you're boring. But because they can spend all that time doing that now. But you know, my friend Barry night crew There's a guy don't be racist Sure, she's not on this podcast Joe Barry. What's his last name? Night crew. Hey, hey, hey Barry really funny guy, but he watched me do a set one time and it's my favorite description of what I do and he quit comedy and He said he said you know watching you. It's like you put your arm around the audience.

You do. And I love that description of what I do. You know, it's weird. I don't want to get back to this because you didn't get on the show. Yeah. And then you had to do it. I honestly believe I'm still not over that. Really?

Yeah. That was a long time ago, man Hey, I mean, it's a tough thing to get over man. I mean, that's so close to something that that's like almost women winning a purple heart Yeah, the only Consolation I have is that winning a purple. I'm not winning But it's the only the only consolation I have is I know that I was good enough to get on. That's like, you know, like I had, like, okay, that's it. Let me take that, I take that and I'll you back. Sure.

Because I had nothing to do with anything. I just want to understand what you meant. I just want to say, get hurt to do it, but it's a very important part. It's like being an alternate, you know alternate for the Olympics or in a play. Knowing that you could do this part, if this cocksacker just gets sick one night, I can go out there and sing my ass off in Greece. I just think it would have seen the motion you just made to do that. Well, I just, I look like a leasinger of Creed in any video he made.

Oh, I'm wide open. But anyways. But then you got a gig writing for Rosie O'Donald. Well, that was great. I'll show you later. Way later, how many years later? Oh, well, I had moved back to Boston already by then. I didn't know that.

So you moved back from LA. Well, after Carson and all that, I stayed in LA for a lot longer. You got a funny story about you manager too. You had a great manager that never called you or something, your agent that just never called you again. Oh, man, yeah, Jim McColley, the guy who booked it tonight, he passed away a while ago.

I called him up and I said, you have seen more people go from nobody to Superstartum and I don't know what we call that Zero the hero. Yeah, yeah, I said I said I don't know what you saw in me that you want to put me on the show But what do I do? And he said one of the things he said to me goes, you know, you have something very valuable. You have an act that nobody can steal. He said,

because it's just you. And you need a manager. And he got me this guy. His name was Herb Nannis. I don't, you know what? I haven't been able to remember that guy's name in years, but something about being able to say his name on a forum where everyone's gonna hear what a dick he was, makes me remember who he is. But they were like, you're in now, you're family, they came to see me. I walked off stage, the guy literally went,

you're a fucking star. And I was like, oh my God, I've been waiting so long for someone to say that. And he was, dude oh my God, I've been waiting so long for someone to say that. And he was, dude, wait, fuck. And people say it, but you can't trust it anymore. My wife says, baby, I'm like, you know, no, you know, fucking, how do you know? You're not in the business. God, that's so beautiful, man.

So he goes, you're a star. This thing you're doing, you can do this, you can do that. And then we're going to take care of you. We're going to get you an agent. And then they were going to get me this agency. And they wanted me to go with APA. But I can't remember the guy's name who was running APA at the time. He's the guy that discovered Steve Martin. And, and, you know, we got this set up, we got this showcase, oh, his wife got sick, okay. Well, we're gonna get this other agent's gonna see ya

and that agent loved to be, but yeah, but we don't wanna sign with them, we want APA and then they bring this other agency and they love you, but we don't want them, we're gonna go with this, and then, okay, APA's coming out, ah, that guy's sick too, damn, they didn't think so, they don't come. And all these other agencies came to see me. And I'm like, I'm on my way.

I mean, I'm working the road and I come home. And then finally, APA is coming out. And it's at the, what is it? Lafactory. Lafactory. Jamie, I'm a sad, hi, buddy. APA here, buddy. You do good tonight, buddy.

You family, buddy. Yeah. Well, I. You do good tonight, buddy. You family, buddy. Yeah, well, I go in and I don't know if it was witherspoon or one of those guys right before I got there and almost had a fight with a guy in the audience. Wow. And APA is waiting for me to go on. Was it a fight? Oh, is it just sound effect fight? No, I think it was a real fight.

Ow! Ow! I don't know what the situation was, but something happened. No, I think it was real I don't know what the situation was but Think of the guy from I know who you think Michael Winslow I fucking if you guys literally you should just shut off this podcast right now. No, don't it's my only chance. All right, go ahead. That's so anyway You are a star I'm sorry. I'm required to say that every 10 minutes. Fuck you dude. I want the fucking money for that. Go ahead

So fly sure comes in Charles fly sure comes in the guy who's the voice of Roger Rally crazy and fly sure is like hey, do you mind if I go on next because my wife is really sick and I go Charles You don't have to make up a fucking story. I go, you know you're gonna get on whenever you want. Right. What an ass. He goes on and does like 45 fucking minutes. God damn it.

So now it's so late, this agent's been waiting for so long, almost all the audience leaves. I go up and I don't have a very good set because it's just, and I'm not, you know, well obviously the agency decides no, you know, and I swear to God this guy, then I talk to this management company every fucking day for months waiting for this one agency to come out and see me this one guy at this agency and they turn me down and these motherfuckers never picked up the phone again ever ever ever to this never had one more conversation with them

Jesus nothing just like fuck you goodbye and then I called all these other agencies that want to design me and they're like, no. What happened was her bananas. I'm like, I don't fucking know you, I don't talk to me. And that was it. And then that agent died like a week later. The one that didn't want you. Yeah, so anytime an agency turns me down, I tell them,

the last agent turned me down, it's fucking dead now. Ha, ha, ha, down. It's fucking dead. That's fucking dude. It's a happy story. It's one of the saddest. It's one of the fucking saddest things ever. But then, but then what? My wife, my wife, you should have killed yourself. My wife wasn't a whole. No, it's just, but this is the thing is that I've had those two, dude. I've in that same place. I remember I did a showcase there. I, my first time in LA, I flew in for a Barry catch showcase. At the laugh factory and I was so nervous, man. So fucking nervous.

And I'm in the back room. I remember Jay Moore walked in. He goes, what are you doing? What the fuck's wrong with you? And I'm like, what? I'm going on my list. It's a five minute showcase set right he goes you're a stand-up comic I See I see you and you are killing it all you go on the road you make your living doing this and you're fucking panicking about

Five minutes you fucking pussy He'll stop it and I was like that Help me it helped me out later not that night That speech actually fucking would ruin me for that night So now I'm being torn apart by two different fucking sides in my brain and I bombed dude. I fucking bombed Yeah, oh god, man, and nobody wanted to talk to me Nobody had and I look around in this, all the other comics, groups of people around them,

just smiling, these white people, these guys, these white Jewish guys, with blue shirts and black suits and blue ties, and these white women with their hair and a ponytail and expensive shoes, and you're looking at them, I'm like, oh my God, who are these white people of show business? And they're all in nobody, dude, buy myself from front of greenblast, smoke in a butt.

And that's happened to me twice out there, that twice. And the last time I was like, I'm not doing that, I'm not showcasing for people anymore. I'm not fucking, you either know me or you don't, you're either a fan or you don't and that's the point where they go These this is where you went wrong We think we somehow

Give the reins over of the boss. Yeah to them. Yeah At one point where they're like no, no, no, those aren't the guys we want no, no, no Those are the guys Bobby wants. Yeah,, fuck you. I don't care about. APA had their shot. These people like me. I like these people. That's who we're going with. And everything that was the decisions in life that you get to make.

And whether you let somebody make them for you, that's when you have to ball up and take a risk and go, I should have just went with them. Yeah. Yeah. I should have. And I've had those before too, where it's like I should have fucking, I should have just said, you know what, I'm leaving you. I don't want you to be in my manager anymore. I'm done.

All right. No, it didn't work out. I'm going with this guy. No, this is my people. I've just, I've been told what to do because they, they fill you with this glorious dream and these, you're a star. You can act. You act. Most comics can't act. You can act. Yeah.

You heard that shit, right? And then you do, you know, you get all this stuff in your head and you don't know how to make a decision for yourself. Well, I'll tell you, all these bumps in the road have turned me into a person I really like actually. Bumps. Like, oh yeah, man, I call them sinkholes. Yeah, but you know what, compared to like a woman taking my child away, not getting an agent, this is how, give me a fucking break, you know?

Come on. No, I'm serious, you know? And even that worked out, cause now my daughter lives with me. And guess what, I get child support. Yeah, I love that. You're gay. No, I'm not gay.

That's gay. Dude, I told her. Listen to me, I told her. Amanda get child support is gay. No, I said, I'm kidding. You as a fucking comedy podcast, you fucking fucking this is an NPR. Oh, yeah You're the one to tell you know so no these people you make your to fuck you you got serious But no, this is I told my my daughter came to live with me. Yeah, and

And I told my ex-wife. I said look just sign a paper that I don't owe you any child support And I don't want anything from you. Just leave me the fuck alone. Right. It shows, oh, well, we're gonna get a few things straight. Before you get into this, please be careful with what you say on this podcast, because this does go out. And I don't want this podcast to be in a courtroom in Derrient of Hampshire.

How funny would that be? Can we, can we, can we? No, it's already done. I know, but can we be very careful with this? Yeah, but she pays so much in child support. She can't afford a computer. I don't much show. Joe, this is what I'm talking about.

That's a joke. He's kidding. Oh, God, dude. Listen, dude, you know what a fucking victory, you were there when it all came down and how rotten this woman treated me. Let's fast forward to the first woman that treated you rotten.

I was there for two of them. Yeah, I know. I know. Some of them bitch. Maybe it's you. That's me, it's fucking me. I tried to hook you up with Malene. Let me tell you this one story.

She's a fucking sweet person. Let me tell you this one story. This's a fucking sweet person. Let me tell you this one story. This is how good a friend Bobby Kelly is. Yeah. I mean, this gorgeous woman, we're having a blast. She's really funny. And we're going to get married. And I say to Bobby, I'm going to teach her how to do stand up.

And then the blink of an eye, you go, you fucking deserve everything you get. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, you do. And I got it. And then the blink of an eye he goes you fucking deserve everything you get Yeah, you do and I got it you got it you you you saw into the future Yeah, dude, you don't teach or check the fuck you know, that's what you do we were funny together a shut up Anyway, I never seen I've never seen it. I'm glad. All right. You know who's funny to me? You. Thank you. You're funny. I am.

And I'm not saying that she's not funny. You two aren't funny together. I've never seen and fuck Lucille Ball too. And Ricky, fuck her. I don't make she's funny. Not anymore. But this is the thing. What?

I, my act is much funnier than what I had what I had together with this woman. I think you're gonna say my act. No, no, my act on my own is much funnier. But what I had with her, the morons in LA would have given me a show. Well, here's the thing, the mora, that's one thing that you get to stop doing.

What? Calling the morons. Why? Because they don't get to stop doing. What? Calling the morons. Why? Because they don't like that, Joe. But they're fucking morons. Stop it, Joe. They're not morons. They're business people.

This is the one thing I learned about, Joe. They're business people. This is the one thing I learned about, Joe. What other business, if 90% of what you did failed, would keep your job? Listen. Okay, go ahead. Because that, what if that one percent made millions of dollars? You know what? If someone came up to me and said hey look

We don't know if this is gonna work, but we want to give you a shot I would have so much respect for that person if they went look it might be a hit Yeah, you might never be put on television, right? Oh, thank you very much for being honest They're gonna be fucking huge. This is gonna be the greatest show. No one has ever done this with a fat guy in a skinny chick. Wait till it gets on the air. And then nothing happens and they go, wow, you fucked that up. I've learned about the business is this. It is, it's a business. It's it. People are into making money. Period. Period, that's it.

That's it, that's it. But I think there are certain places that in that, in somewhere in there, they want really good shit. I think USA Network, I think they put on, they really try to put on original shows. Unlike the networks that just bring back fucking shows that were successful years ago.

Yeah, but you know what's the... The Charlie's Angels. It's Jared and the shit out the morons. Here, the Charlie's Angels is coming back. Exactly, but I think FX is one of those channels that puts on original programs. That's right. But here's the thing.

I believe there's people that are so loyal to the shows on FX that puts on original programs. That's right. And, but here's the thing. I believe there's people that are so loyal to the shows on FX, and they don't even know that that shows on FX. But here's the serious, they watch a show, and you go, what network is it on? They go, oh, I don't know. FX is, the head of XF gave two speeches.

I wanted Luis Premiere a year ago, and I wanted tocume's final show that I went to. Fucking just inspirational. I mean, like, holy shit. This guy, the head of a network is, and I know he's Hollywood and speeches and all that, but it was truly inspirational how they approach shows. And if you look at their shows, rescue me, the shield,

Louis Sunsavarnaki, justified, always sunny, Wilfred, they're all original, holy shit, wow, shows. And so there are some places out there, but it is about money. Even the thing, I know that you have something,

it's like, okay, this is great, it's funny. And I've been told this, it's great, it's funny, it's really good, but we can't sell it. If we can't sell it, if the people in this department, I like it. But if the sales department had guy who is very important to the company, if he can't sell it, we can't pay for it. We can't make it. Because if we can, it's great. Fuck it.

So you have to make it sellable. You have to make it so that guy and that department can go, even the book we're doing, we have to meet with the sales department because they have to come up with a strategy that we all agree with so they can sell this book. It's all about the fucking money. Yeah. And it works that way, all about the fucking money. Yeah.

And it works that way, even in the cruise industry. Right. You know, I've been working cruise ships. He's talking about ships, not fucking gay cruising and crossing their jocs. No, the cruise ships, you know, you're looking, you go, what the fuck, why are they putting that on the ship? And you go to the head of entertainment.

The head of entertainment. And head of entertainment and he goes, there's nothing to do with me. I go, what do you mean? You're the head of entertainment. They go, no, the marketing department makes the call. Really? Because they know if we use this brand, we can sell it in this way.

But now the other thing that's happening, and it's the, I mean, I've been working cruise ships for a long time now. The, and it's the I mean I've been working cruise ships for a long time now The in it's a great living and I get to travel around the world and I love being a stand-up I never I've never wanted to do anything but be a stand-up comedian I don't give a fuck about being on a sitcom. I don't give a shit about being In movies. I want to do stand-up comedy. That's all I want to do stand up comedy. That's all I want to do. You have to do the other stuff.

If it came along, I wouldn't turn it down. I, of course. But the only reason why I, 30,000 a week show to be on TV. Yeah, yeah, you know, and then all of a sudden I can put my kids through college. So which, join the Air Force, please. Anyway,

there's sub-alividals, you're cheating. Yeah, yeah, she'll listen to this whole fucking thing, and that's the only thing she'll remember. Well, you could stay there to bump me, Dad. Anyway, oh, she joins the Marines. Oh, dude, my kid, I have a fire pit in my backyard. And my kid, I'm going to work. My daughter says, Dad, can I have a few friends over

and have a fire in the yard? Yeah, sure. And I can't even believe I said that. Yeah sure, light a fucking fire. He's 16 years old. So I'm getting ready to go to work. I was supposed to be home and I got a gig and all these kids start showing up in my house. I go how many kids you have in over? I don't know 30. 30? 30 fucking kids. Jesus Christ. At the house. So now that's a festival. Yeah. So I come home next day. How was your party? Great. Anything go wrong?

No. Everything's fine. Yeah. My landlord calls me up the next day. You know the police were at your house? Why? The police were at my house. Some kids were lighting their clothes on fire

in the middle of the street. Ah, hey. Then the fire department had to come and put it out and then the police were at the house. Now, Rose, did something happen? No. What do you mean no? Nothing happened dad. The police were here. Yeah but nothing happened. No you don't understand. That's what happened. When the police and the fire department at the house something happened. Yeah. And but she didn't do anything wrong. It was actually a kid who was being a punk

and she threw him out of the fucking party. Right. So he went outside and lit his shirt on fire. We'll prick. Wow, let's just fucking angry, but he wasn't in his. Yeah. So anyway.

Anyway, I want to go back to. Oh, so this is my thing is, with the cruise industry and now with television, with all these networks, you know, it used to be, you know, when there were only a few networks, people had to watch those networks. Now there's competition.

The cruise industry, they would just make a money hand over fist because everyone was taking cruises. Now that the economy isn't what it used to be, now they're actually competing with each other because there's only a certain amount of people that are gonna take a cruise now. So now they have to be more creative. And all the fucking morons are starting

to lose their jobs because they're like, why are we paying you? And instead of just, oh, being order takers, when I learned how to be a salesman, it's just an order taker, people just gonna show up. Now, you actually have to sell something. So with networks like FX, all these other networks.

Yeah, FX, USA, and some of the, like on showtime, the Borges is one of the best fucking things I've ever seen in my life. Right. So the actual creative people are starting to get what they deserve instead of just some fucking idiot that used to be a secretary. On TV has changed with all that too because now, especially with the strike with movies

and they're not making movies like they used to make them anymore. And now a lot of actors who this is what kind of sucks. And I've talked about this before is that the guys back in the day you're a You're a film actor or your TV star. Yeah, you didn't mix the two and TV people made a lot of money because you were on every week for 23 episodes Yeah, she made a shitload of cash and that became you know, especially with Seinfeld and Romano and all those those guys started making millions and You know ono and all those, those guys started making millions. And, you know, when you fade it out, back in the day, when your bubble was popped in movies

or your bubble was popped, your star fell in TV. You were gone. But now, with TV, movie actors who are on on fucking TV anymore, who are done with their film, I mean, on on film anymore, their film careers are over, just go right to TV now and get starring roles. And, you know, like, look, Chris O'Donnellt,

he was finished, he was huge for a minute. If career done, back in the day, you were gone. Now you went right to TV. Now he's on TV, he's on law and order. Or whatever it is, fucking SUV,U, fucking SCI, CIA, fucking LA, and he's fucking making 80,000, 200,000 dollars in episode, he's a millionaire again on TV. Those jobs used to go to actors,

and they would become stars and then go to movies, and then fizzle out. Now it's just a cycle of these, and with reality shows now, now they'll take washed up Stars and throw them now their stars again. Yeah, but not they'll never be where they were But they're making because they were drug addicts. They're making hundreds of thousands of dollars Exactly being in rehabs and just being dickheads. Yeah, and then someone pays them 40 grand to come to a fucking birthday party It's crazy. It's it's a fucked up business

Yeah, but a lot of it too is that the stuff they're writing for television is of such high quality that these major stars who aren't hurting are going on TV just because it's such a good fucking role. That's true, too. That's a great point. Yeah, a lot of, they have a lot of good shit on TV now. Back in the day, they had a lot of shit.

Fucking amazing shows. but you go real quick I mean we're gonna wrap this up soon, but okay you You go back to you go back from LA well I went back to the soul cars my wife wanted to have a bag in LA Yeah, my wife wanted to have a bag so it was going it was let me just say this and correct me if I'm wrong Yeah, it was going bad no no Why do you sell cars good? Why would you sell cars though because? just say this, it would correct me if I'm wrong. It was going bad. No, no, it was actually going good. Why would you sell cars though?

Because my wife wanted to have, I didn't want to have a kid, because I knew I had to be on the road. I was just, she knows, I've spoken to her. I love my daughter dearly joining her for the next thing in the world, yeah, joining Air Force. I ate watches. But I wish I'd join Air Force Force. I wouldn't need weight watches. Anyway, I didn't want to deprive my wife of the joy of having a child.

And I bought her this book when she got pregnant. I bought her this book about it. How'd I meet a black man at a bar? I guess that would have been so much better. So I read this book, I would have woman's body goes through when she's pregnant. And I didn't want to miss it. It was like this awesome science thing.

And so I went and got a job selling cars, so I would be there, so I wouldn't be on the road. I would be there through the whole pregnancy and the birth and everything. I get you. And these crazy things used to happen while it was at the car dealership, it was this amazing world.

I mean, I was devastated. Like I couldn't believe that I had to go do that. You know, I was doing a lot of TV shows and I was progressing, but I wasn't making that much money, unless I was on the road. Well, you were, this is what you was happening. You went up and you came down on the rollercoaster You run one of the down things and you go up and then you know, it's like the middle of the rollercoaster

Isn't the highest one of the the last but it's those little ones that kind of give you a little break Yeah, that's where you you were at in your career. Yeah, right. Yeah, so I I went from a showroom in Atlantic City I was working in a in a production show in Atlantic City I Left there in the next week. I was in a a production show in Atlantic City. I Left there in the next week. I was in a showroom at a Jeep dealership in Torrance, California selling cars. Yeah, the next week use cars. No new anews new anews Sorry Jeep Chrysler Plymouth, right, okay, so my daughter was born and Shortly after with my my wife never had a problem being alone when I was on the road But once my daughter was born, she was getting scared,

so I moved back to Boston. And that was so difficult, like a defeat, you know? And then Rosie O'Donnell called. You? Yeah. And they said, we want you to open for Rosie. And I'll tell you, she was so wonderful to me. I was in such a hole after not doing stand-up for a while, which was devastating, and then moving across the country.

Because you had a kid. Yeah, and my wife was like, fuck this. Yeah, I had nothing. I was selling air freight from my cousin, and doing stand-up at night in New England. And I said, that's it. I'm done. I'm a fucking comedian.

And I'm not going to do anything else, but be a comedian from now on. Fuck this. And like the next day, Rosie O'Donnell's manager called. And all of a sudden, I'm working at Radio City Music Hall on New Year's Eve. I'm doing the Kennedy Center in DC.

We're doing all these awesome theaters. We did, um, what's the theater in the round Center in DC. We're doing all these awesome theaters. We did, what's the theater in the round out in Long Island? West Bay Music Fair, which is the greatest gig, man. It's awesome, I've done it. Yeah, so Rosie O'Donnell pulled me out of a fucking hole and then she hired me to write on her TV show. It was when she just got the TV show right she asked

me to be a writer and then I was the first person fired why were you fired because I like disagreed with I didn't even disagree I'm sorry what's a water I came up with an idea for the first show and they had a head writer this This guy, no, I got this, this is good. I actually give you, I was giving you hand signals so you could keep talking and we wouldn't have fun. But they wouldn't realize that I was getting up. I know, I know, I know. Jesus Christ.

But they heard your big ass creaking in the chair. That's true. So I came up with this idea. I won't go too far into it. They weren't supposed to have a head writer. She ended up having a head writer. and this guy had a fucking Emmy. He was right around the Letterman show And he had an Emmy and he he changed my idea into this big elaborate fucking stupid thing And I really want to look at him and go that you're what are you a fucking idiot?

But I'm like okay. I've lost too many things by acting like that. So I go great idea Right. And then we have a meeting and Rosie's like, what are you out of your fucking mind? We ain't doing that I'm not doing that and the guy goes, well, it was Joe's idea, right? And I go Rosie That wasn't my idea. Let me tell you what my I know. We're not doing it. I go no my idea had nothing to do What he just said she goes I don't care. We're not doing it. I go, no, my idea had nothing to do with what he just said. She goes, I don't care, we're not doing it. I said, but let me explain what the original idea was. Right. And she goes, no.

Think of something else. Right. And I got fired. So she yelled at you. Yeah. Because, well, the guy's idea was fucking stupid. So this guy basically, what this guy probably did was go behind your back, go to Rosie, she was pissed,

and she fired you. That's kind of a dick move. Well, her, I'll tell you man, she helped me out so much, and after she fired me, she put me on the show. I was the first comedian ever taped to appear on the show. After she fired you. Yeah, she fired me as a writer. And then she called me to work with her open for at the Kennedy Center in DC, which is one of the biggest thrills of my life. And then the producer of the show saw me perform there and asked me to be on the show.

So I have absolutely nothing against her. And she actually helped facilitate my wife throwing me out. Cause if I kept that job, I would have been making a shitload of money and that bitch would have never thrown me out of the house. Right. But so then I left there, I went and did a radio show in Boston, I had a-

That's when you went back to Boston. Yeah, that got- That's when I met you. Yeah. I met you then when you came back from Rosie. Yeah. And you were divorced. Yeah, we would just get any divorced

And that's when you got your own show at at the column at the column. Yeah, and Thursday nights Thursday nights. I think it was Wednesday's Wednesday's Wednesday nights and Used to put me up all the time. Yeah, and then we started hanging out Yeah, and I've never ever lived with anybody and what was that bitch from a revered at three other house? Maria Falsoni. Yeah, and then you came and lived with me and he's Boston for a minute Right and saved my fucking life. I live with you and he's boss. I was a ball of fucking sadness Oh my god, and you were like shut the fuck up be a man responsible, take responsibility for what you fucking do. Shut the fuck up, quit crying, you motherfucker, shut up.

Well, this is because you was such a fucking, you was such an old school guy, man. You were brought up and he's bossed in the Italian part and you had, you know, you had this. You know how I knew I was fucked up? It was like the first girl that I got laid after being with my wife. We were having sex. And I don't know how graphic I should be, but like, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy,

doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, dog And I was like, did she just say spank me? I go, what if I haul off a whack or a ass? And she actually said, thank you. Or something like that. What if I didn't hear what I think I just heard and I fucking whack her? And I was like, oh my God, I'm such a fucking child. Oh my God. Well, I remember I brought this girl over to your fucking house.

She just got a new titties. I'm not gonna say her name because she might listen. You said it earlier. All right. Well, I don't know that. Do your homework, go back and figure it out, put the fucking dots together. But she just got new titties.

And I remember she came over and I'm trying to hook you up with her. But I didn't know that. And I thought you were banging her. Well, I was. But I was trying to give her to you. I was trying to hook you. Because she was such a sweet person.

I was a piece of shit back then. I was in my prime. I was so innocent. I didn't know guys gave guys women. Well, she was such a sweet person. You was such a sweet person. I thought, you guys would meet and oh my god. But I didn't know that she liked the dirty fucking bad.

That's what she liked is the bad fucking. Bubbie. Yeah, and she didn't want, because you came over and I showed, she showed you the brilliant new tits, and I remember your face and you were like, oh my god, I'm like, this is gonna work. And then you went and made her an apple.

I made her a baked apple. A baked apple, and I remember that weirdered her out. She just wanted to probably suck cock and he'd be hit like I used to do. And you're in there fucking making her a bait apple. She thinks we're gonna have a threesome. And I'm like, are you hungry? You put on an apron.

Ah, fuck Joe. Well then, I came home. I came home and then my writing partner in LA, which we had written a script about when I sold cars. Called me up and told me that we had gotten financing to make my movie. To make your movie and it's called Suckers. Suckers.

It's, is it on Netflix? I don't know, I think it is. Really? I think it is. I'll find out right now It's out there's now three movies name suckers really yeah, you're the first. What is yours suckers? Yeah, but what what is it about tell the people? Oh, it's about it's about a car dealership And it's the most realistic movie ever made about selling cars anyone who's ever sold cars knows this movie. Except the ending. They use it for, yeah, we fucked up on the ending, but they use it for a training film in car dealerships.

They use scenes from my film to teach people how to sell cars. It's fucking vicious. It's the most fun I ever had, man. I was so poor, when we, because I moved back to LA, again, to shoot the movie, because there was no way I was not gonna be in my own movie.

I was driving to the set of my own film in a car with no fucking insurance, because I couldn't even afford to pay my health insurance. I went in so cars so I could be there when my daughter was born, and then, now I'm in Los Angeles, pretending to sell cars in a movie. And it's the only time I've been away from my daughter since she was born.

And it fucking freaked me out, man. We rented a whole car dealership. I was wearing the same clothes, when I was selling cars. Now I'm divorced from the woman that I did this for, but I'm making a movie about it. It was the most surreal fucking thing. We got Daniel Benzali, who's an amazing actor.

And I'm sitting on the curb. I flipped out, I'm fucking crying. I ran out of the dealership because I was so emotional. Like I didn't know what the fuck was going on inside me. And I'm crying and I hear, hey man, are you okay? And I turn around and it's Benzali who was huge at the time, because he had just done murder one.

Yeah. And I look at him like, what the fuck is he doing here? Asking me if I'm okay. And, but, and then I want a best screen play award for the movie. And then I had to deal with HBO to make a series based on the film. Still would have been a great series, I think.

Oh man, we're writing something right now too, so. I remember living this movie happened. I was around and I'm shit. You were living at my house. My second wife was living there. I'm on the phone with HBO, talking about the biggest fucking deal I ever made in my life. And you and my wife are pretending to be secret agents

shooting shit at me while I'm talking the fucking head of HBO. Yeah, I remember fucking this too. I was, cause that's when I was, I went out to LA to live with somebody. With somebody. And I wound up staying with you on the fucking air mattress with a fucking bubble in it

that I bought it at right aid and I lived on your floor for two months. I remember that. And then I booked the fucking pilot. And you fucking assholes would hide in the closet trying to scare me when I came home. We had a lot of fun man in that fucking apartment. I was like your son. You know, I used to scare the shit out of you. He used to fuck around a lot, man. I remember we used to eat. We used to, I mean, it was a fucking, looking back on it, I remember you guys used to fight.

Oh my God, you fight. You were like our counselor. Yeah, I would, I'd be on the lawn with you at three in the morning trying to get you not to strangle her. Yeah. And then you'd go on the road and I wound up talking to her for fucking hours, rolloblating. I remember you say, well, she's afraid of you.

I'm like, what the fuck is she afraid of? I'm not scary. And you're like, you're fucking scary to her. Never used to playing tennis, too. We got into tennis. Fucking asshole. I said, she wants me to go to counseling. And I'm not going to counseling.

I'm not some fucking pussy. Yeah. And you said, well, you're a pussy if you don't go. Yeah. And that was the beginning of my fucking transformation into a human being. Yeah. I remember that.

And now you're fucking years later, you move back to Boston. Yeah. You, uh, you're doing cruise ships now a lot traveled all over the world. I went to fucking the world. All over the world. And most of the comics get shit for cruise ship comics get shit. And I actually, I was talking to a cruise ship comic a young guy. And it's like, you know, people give shit to comics and who do the cruise ships like

it's the end of, it's really not. It's an alternative way to, that you get to go all over the fucking world, make $3,000 to $5,000 a week to do these shows for people. You're still doing stand-up, you're still being creative, you can still write new stuff. You know what cruises are right now? Cruises are what clubs were in the 80s and 90s. There's no difference. You can be clean though, right?

No. No. No. Like, I work on the oasis of the seas. Royal Caribbean's got two of these ships. They're the biggest ships in the world. I have never seen anything done better. Never. Not ships.

Royal Caribbean's fucking oasis and the lower of the seas are fucking amazing. And they have a real comedy club on the ship. It's a small room and you can do anything in this room that you would do in a comedy club. And there's no difference. The fucking audiences are great. You do a shitload of shows. You can really work on your act. I think it's great. You make great money to give you an amazing cabin.

Right. And it's such a fucking pleasure to do it. And this, but the thing is, is that people think that you do these cruise ships and the people that do them. I mean, it has a stigma to it in the business because it's before they used to be fucking hacks. And before too, you're not around to be famous. You're not around for the opportunity. You're not around for the opportunity. You're not around for that audition. You're not around to book that gig as the guy. You know what? This is how I look at it, just to be serious for a minute.

It's God. God, is it more difficult for God to put a fucking agent or a producer on the allure of the seas than it is to have him put him in a comedy club in New York or a Los Angeles. It's fucking God. He could put the guy wherever he wants. Dude, can I just...

There's no more effort in putting him on a cruise than putting him over here. You know, if something's meant to happen, if someone's supposed to see you, it doesn't matter where the fuck you are. All right. Well, here's the thing too. If I, a God, as you put it,

had, as made it so that I have, I have to shit my pants right now, honest to god. I've had to shit because I'm on this many fast. You couldn't do the gesture where you tell me to keep talking and they'd never know. Dude, I, I don't know. You get up to get me a glass of water. But taking a shit, I have to inform the audience.

Do you see my posture for the last 10 minutes? I'm on, I'm on two knuckles on my left hand. And like one cheek on my right, because I've had to shit for the last 15 minutes. And I'm trying to fucking keep it in. We wrapping it up. We're gonna wrap it up on God. That's a great, I just think that you and I

can be serious for a second. There's nothing most serious than when somebody goes, God, everywhere. Let me tell you something. Why is God before we go? And honest to God. Yeah. I am happier now than I've ever been in my life. No one knows who the fuck I am,

but you know what, I'm doing what I love to do. I'm making a good living. I support my daughter and myself, and we're having a fucking blast. And everything is cool. And when something's gonna happen, I know something's gonna happen. I feel it a fucking blast. And everything is cool. And when something's gonna happen, I know something's gonna happen. I feel it, fucking coming.

I can feel it coming. Something really cool is about to happen. And I'm gonna come back here, and we'll do this again. But you're happy. I'm fucking thrilled. If fucking happy. And, you know, we've known each other for years, man.

For years. My whole career almost. And the one thing I've seen, and you know, it's, people always, you know, you always have this in your head, what people think it is. But you never stop and think what it really is to you. Yeah.

You think what other people's idea of success is. Yeah. And I, success, look to some people, it's being on a sitcom and being a million there and having everybody, it's fame. It's really, it's fame. And if you don't get that fame, you failed. And they won't stop until they get it.

And you see it. I know this comics out there that are like that. But some people success is being happy. Make paying your bills. Seize in mind. Having a barbecue, spending time with your daughter, your wife, or your happy. Yeah. Make paying your bills. Seize in mind. Having a barbecued spending time with your daughter, your wife, or your friends, doing shows, being on a TV show, making some money, and affording life. Because you know what, we're all going to fucking die someday.

You ain't taking it with you. And you know what, it doesn't make you happy. I'll tell you, this is one of the things that really fucking showed me. Bobby Fossi is one of my heroes. Right. A lot of people think that's ridiculous that this Broadway choreographer director. I don't think it's ridiculous, because I know you're half gay. He's, well, we reduced it to half.

So Bobby Fossy, in one year, won the Academy Award for Cabaret. He won the Tony Award for Pippin on Broadway. And he won an Emmy Award for Liza with the Z on television that he directed. In the same year, no one's ever done that. No one's ever won all three of those awards in a year, except Bobby Fawcie.

And he did it in the same year that he was admitted to the hospital for severe depression. So you go, okay, obviously that type of success doesn't make you fucking happy. It's no guarantee. And, and I'm really happy. And, and all we have is this moment right here. It's true. And I love that I'm spending it with you.

And this was really fun. Yeah, this is a blast, man. And we definitely got to do this again. Totally unplanned. We're going to call this the, uh,anned. We're gonna call this the boat surprise. When you come in, my ship has come in. I have to get a, I have to get a, where are you playing at the beginning?

So next time you come in on the boat, you call me. We do one of these. We have to go, it's a special, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr special air. Then almost made me ship my pants. You're determined to end this on a note about you taking it. Hi, dude. Thanks so much. Joe Yonetti, you can check out actually suckers in its entirety is on YouTube for free. Yeah, you can download the fucking thing. It's called suckers part one, part two. It's a fucking great movie. Yeah, but you can get it on like those bit torrents

and shit. Yeah, you can get on the bit torrents. So you can go buy it and give Joe a little cash. No, I don't get anything. All right, then just go fucking steal it. And Joe, Joe on Twitter. Yes, what's your name? Yeah, Joe, Joe Yenetti.

At Twitter, I guess. At Spellac, because Yenetti's a hard one. Yes, what's your name? Yeah, Joe Yunetti at that Twitter. I guess I smell it cuz you're net is a heart. Oh J. O. E Y. A. N. N. E. T. T. Y. And Joe you're netty on Facebook check them out. Yeah, it's one of my favorite favorite guys in the business one of the funniest guys hilarious and we gotta get you to do uncle cheesy next time All right, um, what are you crying for? Oh, it's fucking hilarious. And thanks for coming on, brother. I love you.

Thanks. Good to see you. Bye, bye. Thanks again for listening to another episode. If you know what, dude, podcast on gloryholeradio.com. And make sure to check out all the other shows on the glory home network. If you're using the Stitcher app, type in the word Fart when you register. I-Tune users, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review.

If you're a real fan of the show, and you want to show your support, go to gloroyholeradio.com slash Robert Kelly and hit the donate button. $10 will get you a shout out on the air. $20 will get you my first CD, Robert Kelly Live, not available in stores. If you have any questions, email me at Robert Kelly at gloryholeradio.com. Navidad con Hicema Madrid. Malinche, Guá, Juvenalia, Círclasica, oro viejo, Christmas by Starlight, Bresch y muchos más para disfrutar con familia y amigos. La Navidad cobra vida con Hicema Madrid.

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