Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Me and LaughSpin's Dylan Gadino

Episode Date: October 24, 2011

Robert sits down with the editor in chief of LaughSpin.com, Dylan Gadino. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey guys, what's up? It's Dylan Gidino founder founder and edit now. Okay, fuck that I'm gonna have to do this a thousand times Hey guys, what's up? It's Dylan Gidino founder and editor in chief of laughspin.com. You're listening to what's up? No, that's not right Hey guys, what's up? It's Dealingadino founder an editor in chief of laughspin.com You are listening to you know what dude Robert Kelly's podcast on Gloryholeio.com Is that right? Hey, what's up? This is Robert Kelly, And if you're listening, this is a surprise live random

podcast of you know what, dude, and I'm here right now with a good friend of mine, Dylan Goddino. Yeah, no are no are the founder editor and chief of laughspin magazine.com. Yes, indeed. Formerly the editor of Punchline. Yes, it was Punchline magazine.com and now it is Lafspin.com. Yes. Because change is good. Change is good for the soul. Change is good for the soul.

So I'm told, it's like chicken soup. That's right. That's right. I'm checking right now. We're just sitting here. We're about to do a podcast. Yeah. That's right. I'm checking right now. We're just sitting here, we're about to do a podcast. Yeah. And I was like, let's do this, let's do it live.

And you're like, I don't care, because you're the most mellow guy I've ever met in my life. Really? Well, yeah, you're like, you know, you're like, you shouldn't. A lot of people that I know, like in the industry, aren't comics, are very mellow people. It's funny, you're not the first person to tell me that I'm very mellow, and I'm not at all mellow.

Really, so you get a fucking temper. I mean, I don't have a temper, but I definitely, I'm definitely full of anxiety a lot of the time. And, oh, I mean, look, I mean, yeah, you just had to get a kid and then you just had another kid married. Yeah, that's, it's great to be here. I get a nice few hour chunk break.

Right, and yeah. Some of the reasons why you wanted to do my podcast. No, I bet you sold this to your wife as like, look, this is a big deal. I gotta do this. You know, blah, blah, you probably lie. No, not at all. No, I texted her yesterday. I said, hey, back off that mic just to look. Okay. I said, hey, you know, is it okay if I do Robert Kelly's podcast tomorrow? You asked. I was. Yes. No. You had to ask. I mean, you know, I have to tell her. No, well, you just had a baby.

I can't just be like, I'm leaving for a few hours. So she said, yeah, she just, her only thing was that she wanted to get a bikini wax at some point today. So I'm like, all right, that's fine. So you have to give her a bikini wax. I don't have to give it to her. I just, all right, I'm sorry, I'm like, she just hold back. I apologize. So you have to give her a bikini wax. I don't have to give it to her. I just all right I'm sorry relax. She just hold back. I apologize So that was it. She's she's good like that. That's pretty good. Yeah, she wants a bikini wax

But then she just have a baby. Well a month ago. She did sure isn't that area kind of off limits? I think it's why she trying to maintain down there. I think it's probably Back on limits at this point. Oh really, I thought it was like six months. I think, I don't know. Is she Italian? No, she's Polish. Polish?

Yeah, I married a Polo. Yeah? They're strong brides. They're very stubborn. My wife, I could literally fight my wife and she won't give up. Yeah, she'll cry and she'll she'd cry Before she'd give up. Yeah, my wife's not much of a cryer

Nine isn't either, but I'm saying if I was choking her and punch her in the face She'd probably start crying and I was breaking her arm and like a like a you know, she she cried before she said I give up before she gave up Yeah, that was yeah So when she cries, I don't like that you assume they you made your wife better than mine. No, my wife's not a cry Not no, no, that's that's no that's that's not a good or bad thing my my wife nice Robert Kelly just dropped coffee on his nice white shirt. I was done nice white shirt. It's a fucking t-shirt I'm trying to talk you up. No, they you don't need to this nice white shirt, it's a fucking t-shirt. I'm trying to talk you up. No, you don't need to.

There's four people listening right now, and they know. If you're listening to this podcast live, they know. Yeah. I buy these at least once a month, a brand new pack of, nothing better in the planet earth than white t-shirts.

I agree, except I tend to get the black ones. I enjoy the black ones. Well that's because you want to look a little thinner than you are. You're trying to thin yourself out. I don't need to do that. Probably wear white. Because why?

The black is, I want to enhance my fatness. So maybe you're actually motivated. Okay. All right. But anyways, I'm sorry, I spilled that chip. That's okay. Your wife is Polish. She is. She just had a baby, you had your second baby.

She, yes indeed. That's crazy man. It is crazy. You regret it? No. No, look at me. Look at me. You regret it.

No. Okay. No, I mean, I, it's, it's good, you know, it you know a lot of it depends on the type of you know person you're partnered with if you know my wife is is a strong independent person and you know it it It makes things a lot easier when you know when you have two kids you know that you have somebody that's you know how you know has their ship together and it would be different if if my partner was different well yeah of course I mean if you if you married somebody who's a

hunk of shit or isn't as As it as reliable. Yeah, yeah, you're right that happens people people get married and people have kids and you know There's always kind of in the back of their head. They know like everything's not 100% right But you know, did your wife know she's supposed to cook and clean like my wife does Your wife cooks and cleans or she knows she knows but she doesn't she knows she's supposed to cook and clean like my wife does. Your wife cooks and cleans or she knows she holds it but she doesn't. She knows she's supposed to. No, my wife voluntarily cooks more than I feel she needs to. Like I'll come home and you know sometimes, you know, and every once in a while like she

will have made like a real dinner and I'm like what are you doing? Like why did you cook? Why would you say that? Because I just take it. Because I don't want her to think that she has to you know. Yes you can step away from the mic a little bit so really hot. I got you really hot. That's amazing. That's good right there.

Thanks brother. I told you to eat the mic. I told I go eat the mic in the biz. Yeah. That's where you put your mouth right up. I'm going following directions. Thanks, Brad. That was just a test to see if you really would eat the mic.

Apparently you're good at that. Get it because it's like a cock. Uh, anyways, my wife, here's the thing about my wife. She, she loves to cook. Loves it. She wants a new kitchen so bad. Okay. She wants a, which I'm going to get it because, loves it. She wants a new kitchen so bad. Okay, she wants a, which I'm gonna get it, because she loves cooking, she loves cooking breakfast.

She can't make a fucking omelette though, that pisses me off. She can't flip the omelette. So everything, every omelette turns into scrambled eggs. That's the one thing that kind of bugs me. And she doesn't like bone in chicken. Okay. So she,'t like bone in chicken. So even when she does chicken catchatory,

she does chicken breast, rils it, and then puts it in the, which is not chicken catchatory. It has to have the bone and the fat and the dark meat to give the fucking taste. Yeah, that's where all the taste is. Everybody knows the bone is where all the flavor comes from and She takes it out other than that. She's fucking amazing cooks breakfast lunch dinner. She loves the cook She's got she was top-ired mom. She loves the clean. She doesn't love the clean. She'll clean

I offered to get her a maid. She won't do it. She doesn't want somebody else in the house doing she's stubborn You know in the laundry to it's like just send it out. She's like no, why would I do this? So I locked the fuck out. Yeah, that's that's nice I locked out because we've had arguments where it's like well, just you know, don't do this to my shirts Like don't dry my shirts. Yeah, cuz you know me. I've been tubby Pretty much I'm skinny or tubby, you know, But anyway, I don't like my shirt in the dryer because it shrinks. I like them the way I bought them. When I try it on the store, that's the way the shirt has

to be for the lifetime of the shirt. I hear you, I hear you. There's nothing fucking worse. I mean, you're a thin guy your whole life. Not really. Not really. I've gone up and down. That's a struggle for me, too. I mean, you're a thin guy your whole life. Not really. Not really. I've gone up and down. That's a struggle for me too.

I've never seen you fat. Well, you've seen me heavier for sure. Really? Yeah. I don't think so. I mean, what's heavy to you? 10 pounds? I mean, no, more than that.

I mean, I have video evidence during one of our video interviews I was definitely chubbier. I'm not saying I was obese or anything, but are you saying I'm obese? No, no, I'm not. No, I'm just saying it's, you know, it's something I obsess about.

You obsess about food? Oh yeah. Well, it's funny because on your webpage, one of your advertisers is the diet I'm on. Oh, really? Yeah, I met a fast. One of your advertisers. Yeah, but a lot of that stuff is kind of automatically,

I couldn't tell you who. So what is it? How does that work? Well, it's probably, that specifically is probably a Google ad. So it's probably they that specifically is probably a Google ad. So it's probably, they target it somehow using algorithms. And so. Well, OK.

Because I'm not familiar. Well, they know that a FATSO is looking at the web diagram. I don't know. Some of them are targeted better than others. It's actually, it's OK. Which page is it on? It's, I don't know, it was on the front page.

Oh, okay, it was going on. Because sometimes it grabs keywords and stuff. Really? So if there's a story about a comedian who's talking about politics a lot, they'll pull an ad that'll have something to do with politics or something, like a run-pull ad or something. Really? Yeah, that's funny, man.

Because I thought of it. Now that you said that, it's like Netflix and Metafest. Yeah. It's just exactly what I am. See? But that's weird. I didn't think you had a problem with that. You're a thin guy.

Here it is right here, Metafest. All it is is gas and farts. Yeah. Yeah, it's just little tiny snacks all day. Yeah. And then you eat a meal, and then, but you're so bloated and gas. My farts are fucking awful.

So what is, so you don't eat meals all day? It's just little snacks. It's these fucking things, right here. I'll show you right now. Yeah. Let's try one. And is this promoting this on your site? You should try that and tell me if you like it.

Barbecue bites. Yeah, Barbecue, they look good, right? Little pretzel bites, try one. No, no, I don't want to open it. No, open it. Why? Just fuck it, open it. I don't want to eat your food.

So what do you do? Like these things, like every two hours or something? What do you mean? They're pretty good. What are these like high fiber? You say those are pretty good? Yeah. Are you fucking out of your mind?

What do you eat? I mean, they're not. What they raise you? We raise in the jungle? I mean, they're not. I don't know, they're not delicious, but they're not. What they raise you, we raise in the jungle? I mean, they're not. I don't know, they're not delicious, but they're okay. It's like fucking styrofoam with, with barbecue dust sprinkled on it.

Yeah. It's disgusting. So why, why did you decide to do one of these kind of like packaged diet plans as opposed to, I don't know, something more organic? Because I quit smoking, it's been over a month. as opposed to, I don't know, something more organic. Because I quit smoking, it's been over a month. Yeah, congratulations. Thank you.

Yeah, last time you were here, we were fucking smoking up the storm. Yeah, you were. Yeah, it was on Owen A one day, and Norton was talking, and he had quit smoking. And I, you know, I was coughing and fucking heave and I was passing out in the morning almost so it was coughing so hard. Not sleeping through the night. And, you know, I was just like fucking I'm done. Yeah. And Norton helped me out a lot too. Beyond, you know, Norton's

a fucking ballbuster, but he helped me out a lot. He was kinda, because the anger sets in. Yeah. What happens when you don't smoke the anxiety, there's nowhere for it to go. And I also, then I, three weeks in, I was like, I'm gonna get fat.

Whatever I wanted for three weeks, and I was gaining some serious, I was already overweight, chunky again, but I was gaining some Siri. I was already overweight chunky again, but I was still in the limits of okay, you know what I mean? I got to the point in those three weeks where it was bad. Yeah, it was really bad like uh, and I was like, fuck it. I'm gonna quit this too. And my one of my guys over at Apostle uh, Cerberco, you know, Jim, right? Yeah. He was said, dude, I did this. He didn'tle, CERPACO, you know Jim, right? Yeah.

He was said, dude, I did this. He didn't have, he was never fat, fat, but he had a little weight he wanted to lose. This diet is for people who are getting, what is it? That band surgery, what are they cutting the stomach up? Oh really?

Was that called again? Gastric bypass? Gastric bypass surgery. This, this diet was invented for them. Okay, so okay so I you know it's easy because you have these little meals so it's good when you go on the road yeah it's good but it sucks I haven't on the road yeah so I've been home so it's like you know what I mean it's like fuck I'm watching my wife eat great meals and I'm fucking sitting here with a brownie that I made in 30 seconds in a microwave like a fucking 12-year-old girl in the Easy Back oven and it tastes like dog shit.

So how long is it like how long do you are you on this or is it? I'm gonna do the month and then I'm gonna just go to the shakes and bars for breakfast and lunch and you know and then fucking have it then are you know what I mean? Yeah. Well I'll figure it out. And are you working out at all or you? Not yet, I'm gonna start working out because the thing is the aggression is coming in now. And I'm snapping.

Yeah, I can't imagine. Like I've never been a smoker, but my mom is a lifetime smoker. She still smokes. So I get it. I totally, I can't even imagine just stopping smoking and trying to be saying. Top smoking and stop eating is two things that took my anxiety away, are gone.

And I was, I mean, when I saw you the other night and you said, I knew you had quit smoking, but I didn't know you were also on a crazy diet. And I was like, are you crazy? I saw you at the Mark Marim, not. Indeed. Which I always pop into you. Out of all the guys, well, I shouldn't say that. A lot of the other people there.

But I always see you at the events, the big ones. Yeah, I try to, because I am married, and now I have two kids. My, I'm not on the scene, like every night of the week. So. You say that again, just the way you just want to. On the scene. Yeah.

I can't, nor do I really want to hang out at clubs every night of the week. So when I do go to things, my decisions are very planned and surgical, if you will. I'll go to something that I know is going to, like an event like that, or where I know I'll see people and be able to say hi and check in with industry folks

or get a lot out of one trip, as opposed to, right, just going to the seller and hanging out for four hours and, you know. I mean, well, it's not just fun, but I just can't do it. The, yeah, the, well, the, the mock marathon was really fun. Yeah. I mean, that was, it was, for a few guys who don't know, the television... The New York television festival.

The New York television festival, something or other. And Maron's pilot that he made with Apostle actually, and Serpico was there, premiering there. It was fucking hilarious, I loved it. It was good, I mean, I'm a big Marron fan It was actually Better than I thought it was going to be I thought I was gonna see it and say like yeah, this is this is pretty good, but He can act he can act a little and I

Thought it was really well done. I thought it was really well done, too. I um I thought that I thought it was really well done too. I thought that it was, you know, was it one of the kids compared it to Louis? Which really fucked him up. But he wasn't comparing it to Louis. He was saying the style that they were shooting it in. Which actually has been done for years. I mean, they did that, I mean, the Larry David show.

Yeah, same shit. Curb is the same, Larry Sandler show. Yeah, same shit. Kerb is the same. Larry Sandler's show. Oh, Sandler's show. Sandler's is the same. They've been doing that shit for years. Yeah, I think Mark maybe took that a little too. Which was beautiful.

Does the kid look like a young Louis? He looked like a young Louis, just a red head. And he wasn't, it was weird, because we were sitting right in front of him and I was looking at him and he was just stone-faced. Mark was going off on a rant trying to be Mark being funny. This kid was staring at him like he was gonna rip his fucking eyeballs out. And Mark wouldn't let it go. Mark for the rest of the question and answer kept going back to him like, are we cool? Yeah. Which is fucking hilarious. Yeah, that's Mark's M.O. Attack and I'm attacking and I apologize. Yeah. Yeah. That was my M.O. It's been over the last fucking three weeks. I almost got into a fight Friday night, two fights, and two different guys.

Like a physical fight? Yeah. Why? What happened? Here's the thing too. My anger is attached to my old bot, like when I was a kid, when that's what you did, you just fought. Right.

You know, your anger and rage and hurt feelings and all that, it was attached to fighting. So when somebody just respected you or you felt like you would be a maid fun of or somebody fucked with you, you fought them. Well, you got your ass beat by them, either or. So I've never kind of let go of that. That's always been attached.

My anger and hurt feelings with, you know, whatever the, you know, how gay that sounds, that's what anger is. Sure. Um, is just being hurt. Yeah. And that's attached to, you know, you know, that fucking rage, which is attached to fighting, which I, any fight I've ever been in, I've always felt like shit.

Whether I want to lost lost I felt like shit after Because that's not in my heart. I'm not a I don't like to hurt people at all But there I've been fucked so much like a lot of people that you Retaliate you become a fucking you know you you fucking retaliate Way over the top because that's what that's how the only way you get these it's like your bark has to be loud right you know name and sometimes you bite a lot. So I was getting into a cab and a guy was coming up I was waiting for the people to get out of the cab Friday night here's I you know it's just I almost fought the fucking two people. It was fucking stupid. And it's like this, it's this rage. And it's like, dude, you hit one person, you're fucking done.

You could go to jail, you could kill them. You could get killed. My wife's a fucking widow. You know, all the fucking cuts on Twitter that hate me would be happy, which would make me even sicker. I fucking hate them. People hate you, come on. Yeah, dude.

Well, you know, it's, it's, you know, I was talking a day and about this. And, you know, he would always be like, dude, what the fuck? What the fuck? Because you want everybody to like you. Yeah. But when I was first one today,

that was even in AA, they have these, you have, I don't know, almost like a celebrity thing, you know, when you speak and you know, when people like hearing you speak, oh, I love hearing you speak. There's almost certain guys that are famous in like AA rooms, like that, oh my God, he's the best. And it makes you feel like shit, you know what I mean? A little bit that when they like him more, it's weird, it's a weird, almost like show-bizzy thing in AA. Really?

Oh yeah. And like you'll speak and people are like, wow. But then there'll be that one guy who doesn't like you. Like every the whole room, you're up there telling them, I'm gonna about your life and people laughing and crying and you know, I think that's kind of where I got over my stage fright for comedy to be honest with you is AA. Really? How fucked up that is. Yeah, because I was in AA fucking, I want to start over when I was 15. Yeah. And I remember people who didn't like me and I would be

like, what the fuck? Why doesn't that guy like me? There's people. Yeah. And I remember people who didn't like me and I would be like, what the fuck? Why doesn't that guy like me? There's people that just don't like you. Yeah. They said, there's people that don't like you a fucking magazine. Sure. Why? Yeah.

What are you doing? I don't know. Exactly. Exactly. You can't think about it. I mean, that's why I could never be a comedian. Well, haven't you gotten hate mail for the magazine? Every once in a while, I get something, but not not too much. I try not to, that's how scared I am though. I try not to do anything to

to piss too many people off. Because I mean, you know, and what I do, you know, I'm trying to, I'm trying to please as many people as possible. It's not like I'm a comedian and I'm, you know, I'm trying, I'm trying to please people. So, you know, I don't do anything, we don't post anything that's kind of controversial. Two controversial. You don't want to, you're not out to make people's lives. You're not out to fucking, no. You're neutral.

We try to be as neutral as possible. You know God hates neutral people, right? God hates neutral. I'm not worried about God hating me. It's in the Bible. Okay. God hates you. All right.

My God. My God, I don't know about you. My God probably, I don't know. Do I have a God who knows? Is there a God? Do you believe in God? I don't know. You really?

I have no idea. What is up with fucking, why are all creative people? Is it because we're more evolved or a lot of creative people don't believe in God? I don't know. I don't know. Especially comics. Yeah, well. I don't know. I don't know. Especially comics. Yeah, well, I don't know.

I mean, I don't know. It's been great interview. Jesus Christ. If I said this on one of your interviews, you'd be like, come on, think of something. I mean, there's, you didn't pray to God when you were having your baby? No. Wow. No.

Is your wife religious? No. Is your kid's gonna be religious? No. I mean I don't it's so far it's it's not looking that way. You know we didn't even you know we were both raised Catholic which means when we had our first kid who's now almost three we should have you know him, but we never baptized him. Because we don't, I mean, we don't go to church, we don't believe in organized religion, we think it's bullshit. And so why are we gonna go through, you know,

the motions of baptizing our kid? It's just hypocritical. Like we don't believe in any of it, so why are we gonna do it? That's not that neutral. That's pretty fucking, that's pretty fucking edgy what you just said right there. Yeah, I would have not.

Editor-in-chief of Lapspin Doc-Col. I'm not gonna write it on the site. I, look at your face, like, I mean, I might be, you know, who knows. Your face is going on shit that I just say that. I might be losing some Midwest readers. You can't, look, you can't,

that's what I don't get is that people who are believing God won't let people not believe in God. That's, it's like dude, I'll let you believe in God. I'll let you believe in a fucking bearded figure in the clouds. I won't give you shit about it. I'll let you believe in, you know, whatever the fuck you want.

I don't care if it's fucking Moses or Abraham or fucking Allah. I don't give a shit. Believe whatever you want, a fucking, but why can't you not let me not believe? Right. Well, that's where it gets ridiculous where fundamental Christians are trying to convert. I mean, I'd imagine 90% of Christians out there or are normal people who just believe in what they want to believe because they find comfort in it,

and that's great. But then there's a small group of fundamentals that feel that it's their job, their duty to spread the word and convert people. Now he's back to being neutral. And that's just, no. their job, their duty to spread the word and convert people. Now he's back to being neutral. And that's just, no, I mean, that's just horseshit. You just fucking painted the line, baby. I mean, I'm sure there's a couple of people out there

that are fun, but most of them are nice people. Well, it's true, you don't wanna, you know, it's not, they're all fucking lunatics. It's the same thing with, you know, Islam, you know, it's the same thing with that. You don't wanna, you know, it's not, they're all fucking lunatic. It's the same thing with, you know, Islam, you know, it's the same thing with that. You don't want to, you know, everyone's not crazy. It's the, you know, it's the extremist. It's the people that, you know, take it too far,

or, you know, take the Bible too literally and all that other crap. I don't have time for it. Well, that's the thing is, is it, one of the thing is, is it... One of the reasons why I quit smoking and I quit eating shitty is sacrifice. I don't sacrifice enough. Because of where I'm at in the business,

you know, I'm not fucking famous, I'm not Louis CK, but I'm not an famous, I'm not Louis CK, but I'm not an open mic, or either. I have money, I have money to live, I have my own place in Manhattan. I do what I want, I go where I want, I have fun, I enjoy my life, I do comedy. I don't have a million fans, but I have a few fans that enjoy my shit.

If it becomes more great. But here's the problem is that you get to a point in life where you do have a job. You're all making money and you got a house and you got a wife and you got to watch your movies and you eat and what you want and watching what you want on TV and you're doing your job. And then you're not really sacrificing anything. And then I looked at these religions and I was like, you know, like the Jewish religion, you know, and they can't use electricity after fucking sundown. And then Lent and then, you know, even Muslims, they sacrifice, to the extreme,

but they'll sacrifice, and I'm like, I think sacrifice is good. I think it's good. I think it teaches you how to, it's painful. It's physically and mentally painful to not do something that you enjoyable that like smoking or eating, it sucks. But why is that, why is sacrificing good?

Why is it important to be in pain? Because I think to challenge yourself, to tell yourself, to say no to yourself, and I know this is just awful, at 40 that I'm actually fucking learning this. But the same no to yourself is probably one of the greatest powers that you possess. I don't know if that's too deep. I think be able to say no to yourself. And I'm not saying I can in every aspect, but I always admired people who, you know, when I was a creep like,

dude, let's go and get a fuck, and we'll go to one of these massage parlors and it's like, you know, no. What do you mean no, dude? It's fucking awesome. You go in, the fucking chick takes you, she scrubs you down at 60 bucks and washes your asshole and puts you in a room,

gives you a great massage. At the end, they flip you over and they'll tick your ass crack and you tank and fucking jerk you off and clean it up. And no, why? I just don't wanna do that, man. I mean, yeah, it sounds great, but I'm not gonna do that.

It's like, how the fuck do you do that? Yeah. How do you fucking say no to that? Yeah. And so you admire that. Well, yeah, I think that there's, you know, I don't think everybody possesses that power, but I think people falter on different levels on the two. I know people who can say no to this, this, and this, but when it comes to this, and you know, that's why I love finding out when people, and you must find that out, doing this, that people are human, that these cock suckers, all these famous people that you interview, are fucked up. They do this, some fucked up things. I'm not asking in name names because I know you're neutral and you don't believe in God, but

up things. I'm not asking in name names because I know you're neutral and you don't believe in God. But yeah, I mean, you know, that's part of the reason, you know, that's why I'm so attracted to, you know, doing what I do in interviewing comedians because, you know, every comedian, you know, listen, comedians are comedians for a reason. And most of them are not what you would consider, you know, in a traditional sense, you know, well-adjusted. But I'm not attracted to well-adjusted people. Married to a very well-adjusted person and that's great. That's important. I could never be married to somebody who's hyper creative or an artist because you need somebody in the relationship that's just a little more stable. But yeah, I mean, comedians are damaged.

But I feel like the thing about comedians is they're damaged and they know they're damaged and they accept it and they deal with it and they talk about it on stage and that's and that to me is so that's attractive to me. I really I appreciate that. I think most people are damaged but the thing the difference between most people and comedians are comedians are a lot more self-aware than, you know, the average person on the street who doesn't know that they need to go to therapy or thinks, you know, everything's okay when things aren't okay. I think comedians are more in touch with, you know, their shortcomings and they deal with them. Well, I think that they're more in touch with them.

I don't believe that they deal with them. No. I mean, I would say it goes in cycles. Yeah. You know, look, I go to the comic therapist. Yeah. Alan. There's a therapist for those you motherfuckers you don't know.

Here on the East Coast, know here on the East Coast. I don't know who's on the West Coast. But here on the East Coast, in the New York City, I was referred to him by Dustin Schafen. I was going through a hard time. I was going to an analyst, some fucking douche with a bow tie. And real expensive and it just wasn't working. I talked to Dustin He was like I go to this guy and he works on a scale. It's not about the money, right? It's about

Getting better. Yeah, and but it just so happens you works with all comics. Yeah, and I've been going on for five years maybe more and But and there's a lot of comics that go. It's funny, I won't let them make me cry the last 10 minutes. I'm not walking out and seeing fucking Lamponelli in the hallway. You know, fucking, you know, Florentino, Gullman. But he, you know, but I think there's a lot of guys that are still fucking damaged. I mean, I don't think they're, you know, I mean, come on.

You know, they're just, just, just, all right, the guy, I was having this conversation with somebody though. There's something about being fucked up. And I'm going to say it, being evil, not a good person that goes into being famous. I mean, really? Yeah, I mean, look, every famous person out there, I guarantee you, has stories, there's people around them have stories of what a fucking dick they are. Yeah, but I mean, isn't, wouldn't that be the case with even non-famous people? I mean, I'm sure, depending on who you ask, and at what point that person, you know, knew another person.

I think, I know. I think that, I, I, okay, I hear you saying. People probably could, but nobody out there that probably could say that you're in evil asshole, right? It's a very, but here's the thing is that people can say, you know what I get a lot of, dude, you're a really nice guy.

Yeah. Like they, I have the appearance and maybe the reputation of that I'm a fucking dick or I'm an asshole. But I'm not, you know, I'm actually fucking nice guy. As long as you're not a fucking shit dick to me, I'm fucking cool to you. As long as you're not a fucking idiot to me, I'm cool to you.

But there's some people out there, I think that there is some, there has to be some evil in you to make the decisions that you're gonna have to make to fuck the people, you're gonna have to fuck to go to the next level. Yeah. It's just you have that, like, I know you, Dylan. Yes. I'm friends with you.

Yes. If I become hugely successful tomorrow, I wouldn't be able to not keep that friendship. I wouldn't be able to blow you the fuck off and never talk to you again. Do you understand? Yeah, I mean, I think there's certain level of fame where people can do that. I think not all of them.

I don't see you have to be evil to be famous. But I think there's a certain thing inside you that you have to be tunnel vision. Yeah, but I mean, if you were put in that position, I mean, it doesn't make any sense, but let's just say that for whatever reason you had to kind of blow me off to, as a byproduct of you getting to the next level. I don't know that I would,

I don't know that I would blame you for that. Okay, that's good for you, but as far as there's something about people who are just selfish, I think there's a selfish, me, me, me, me, first always, and there has to be a disconnect of some sort in you. It's like the jack ass guys. There's something disconnected from them as far as being in public and being able to do what they do. Going up to a total stranger and committing to what they commit to. There's something in their brand that isn't connected. That's connected to you. They're fucking sociopaths. Yeah. Yeah, they're right. But it's hilarious. Yeah. The product that they put out there is fucking awesome. Yeah. I guess. But the reason why it's awesome is just we can't do it. Right. We don't have the ability to disconnect. Right. And some people have it,

but they disconnect too much with a hair people hurt people. Where it's not funny. They have the ability to do it and fucking in the right way for what they need to do. Right? I don't have that in me. I can't walk out in the street and do that fucked up shit. I just don't have some people do it. It's the same thing.

There's certain parts of your brain or I think that you, I mean, you haven't met as famous people that have done some fucked up shit. I mean, not that I know of, I've met, throw this class right. I mean, what the fuck in head? I mean, you say, oh, there's no God. You have no problem fucking throwing God up the fucking window. But you can't throw fucking Jim Gaffkin, no, I'm just kidding.

You can't throw, like, I mean, I'm saying, put name names, but I mean, I don't, you know, when I talk to these people, I don't get into, you know, all the horrible things they've done. The first time I interviewed Louis CK years ago before his HBO show premiered, he told me about getting thrown in jail and stuff like that.

So, I don't know if that makes him evil. No, that's not. But I mean, I never had a comedian admit that they've done horrible things. I'm not saying horrible. I think you're taking it out of context. I'm saying horrible to me is, like if I walk by you at an event and just ignore you, that's kind of shitty. Yeah, it's shit.

It is. It's like good. But also at the same time, it just depends on the reason you're ignoring me. Maybe you're ignoring me because, no, listen, maybe you're ignoring me because you don't feel like making small talk or you're just, you know, in a crappy mood. Like, you're in his day and listen to me.

You sound like my fucking therapist doing, oh, fuck yourself. Dude, in his day and you're the guy that you don't want in the room when you want to talk shit about somebody. No, you're, that's absolutely true. You're the guy when that guy walks by and I go, oh, that fucking dickhead.

And you're like, why? He's a fucking dickhead. Yeah, but maybe he did, yeah, but dude, he did this. He fucked my wife. I caught him, finger fucking my wife in the closet. And my wife thought it was me because he had the same, yeah, but maybe, no, no, no, maybe he wasn't finger fucking your wife

because he was trying to be mean. Maybe his finger was on fire and he had to put it out and the only way to put it out was in you wife's vagina. Fuck Dylan, come on. It's just that that's, I mean, I wouldn't go that far. I mean, once you told me, once you would tell me about the finger-fucking, I would be bad, I would be on your side. But yeah, you're right.

I'm not the type to talk shit. Because I always feel like somebody out there might be talking shit about me and they don't know the whole story and they don't know. I mean, sometimes I walk into a room, it's an event and I see somebody and I have nothing against them

or I like that person. But for whatever reason, I just don't have it in me To chat and I don't think that's evil. I think that's me being insecure. I think that's me being shy If you ever do that to me, I'll fucking kill it. Well now I won't I won't do it to you because I you know Oh, here's the thing is I think it is I look I I blame a lot of I always I tend to say blame yourself first Yeah On every situation if you can go and say what did I do wrong? I always I tend to say blame yourself first. Yeah. On every situation.

If you can go and say what did I do wrong? What did you do wrong? Whatever situation it was. That's how you grow. That's how you become a better human being. But there are certain situations where I mean I know, I mean there are little things that people do I think you people want to be famous so bad so fucking bad and they don't care how what they have

to do to get there yeah I do okay And I know other comics that do too. Well, that's good. And it's sometimes it's in my career now. I know I can see it. It's almost like the movie they live. I have the glasses to be able to see these people. I don't know that movie that That you never saw they live with Routy Roddy Piper. No. The whole concept of the movie is this. There's aliens everywhere. We didn't know it. And there's these sunglasses that you put on and it allows you to see the aliens. Okay. He's just this dude. He winds a construction worker. He's on you know fucking you know a Bill Bixby type traveling. He gets a pair of these sunglasses. He's all of a sudden he's in the supermarket,

and he sees that he's surrounded by aliens. Not everybody's the alien, but most of the people are aliens. Right. And they know that he knows. Okay. So they're out to get him. Okay.

I have those sunglasses in real life, and I can see, I know who the fame fuckers are in this business. Before when I was younger in the business, I just thought people were assholes and scumbags, but now that I can see who these people are, I get it. You wanna be famous.

You doesn't matter what you do to get there. Who you have to fuck to get there. What evil shit you have to do socially. I'm not talking killing babies. I was just gonna ask you. I'm not talking killing babies. What is socially? What is evil?

What do you consider evil? Okay, when I think that, and when somebody, if I come up to you and I'm friends with you, because you're dealing from laughspin.com like that plug The greatest online fucking Comedy go site magazine Out there. Yes next to

I'm getting to stop there So and I'm getting in with you because who you are and what you can do for me. Okay. Right. And then we become friends and you do a bunch of shit for me. And then as soon as I pass you or become more famous or I don't need you, I just fucking dump you and don't talk to you. I've soon, like when you do social fucked up things, when you...

Wait, can I stop you? Yeah When you say dump me what like what's the definition of? I don't fucking talk to you again I'm like I text you and you don't text me. Yeah, fuck it. Yeah, like yeah Hey, man, I'm going over to do that thing that you said you wanted to do and you never hear from me again Okay, okay. That's kind of fucking douchey right? if I show up at a club and if I just walk in and I'm supposed to go last and you're supposed to go first and I switch that, I somehow go behind your back and get them to put me first because I don't want to have the last spot because I want, I'd rather have you

bomb than me bomb in front of the industry people that are there. Got it. Okay. And oh, fuck. And it works. You go up first and you kill. It was a great spot. And now I'm last because I'm a nice person and I go, all right, fuck it. I'll just do it. I go to last. And now I bomb because the guy before me and the crowd and everybody left and I didn't get you got the fucking tonight show and I didn't get shit yeah and I because I'm a nice person and you're a fucking evil manipulator that wants fame and knows how to get it if I go here I'm not gonna get it I if I go here I'm definitely gonna get it let me for hate you mind if I cuz I have a I go here I'm definitely gonna get it. Let me for hate you mind if I

Cuz I have a spot and I have to All right, I guess thank you And then you let them and they get it and then you find out they're out front talking to the tonight show people They didn't have a spot. They didn't have to be anywhere. They just wanted what you had right that's fucking evil Dylan. Yeah, all right I'm with you that's fucking evil, okay, and that happens all the fucking time does all the fucking time Okay, so that's I don't have that bone in me So if I show up at the club and I'm on last and I see that this guy's on first Do I want to go first? Yeah, I do. I do. I'm a one night, I was at a fucking

event and they were like, hey, if you want to go earlier, I was like, yeah, fuck it. And then I found out, I don't forget who it was. Somebody was coming down and I was a young kid and somebody was like, oh, this kid's awesome, funny. I was like young kid and somebody was like oh this kid's awesome funny I don't feel like fucking you know what let me go on next. I don't want to I just want to get out of here Right, I didn't have to go on next. I could have went on last, but I to chose to and I still feel like shit about that Yeah, I should have just Shut my fat face and went on last. Yeah, like I said I was gonna know, but You know people do that shit all the fucking time and you have to have a disconnect.

You have to not care about anybody or anything but yourself. Yeah. And I know Colin. Colin doesn't have that bone in his body. Yeah. Yeah. Tough crowd would have still been on the air if he gave, if he gave a shit just about himself. Yeah.

Yeah. If he cared about money and fame It would have still been on the air because he would have fucking did whatever the fuck he had to do For himself right he didn't he he stuck up for the fucking fans of the show the fucking comics around him What the fuck if they done for him Seriously Since the show. Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, what you're saying is probably true. There needs to be that, that a little bit of a disconnect. Yeah. A little bit of evil. You need to be able to rationalize some of the things you do and say to yourself, well, I'm doing this, you know, for the betterment of myself, for the betterment of my family,

if I have a family. Yeah, you know, do you have that in you? I mean, I don't, I don't think so. I certainly, I don't think I do. You know, but it's hard to judge yourself. I mean, I could sit here and say, I work hard. I try to be honest. I try to please people. I'll obviously do things to give me the best possible chance

at succeeding, but I don't think I'm fair. I don't think I've screwed anybody. I definitely care what people think about me. And so I don't think I have that disconnect where I could go out and do things that are, how things that you would define as evil to get ahead. I definitely give a shit what people think about me. I definitely don't want people to think that I'm an asshole, or mean, or unfair. You care.

I feel like you. I do. I care what people think about me. Yeah. And that might be the main motivation as to why I try to do things on, you know, on the screen. You know, I look, you know, and I think that's, I think that's good. And when I say evil to these people, the one thing too that people forget, like people, oh, this guy's

a dick or he did that to me or he fucking fucked me here and these people are dicks Yeah, but what did these people also do? Most of them that are successful. It's not you know, I think I say you need a you need evil a little bit evil You need a little bit of dick. Yeah, you know, a little fuck You know that's sociopath thing, but you also need the work you know, that's sociopath thing, but you also need the work. These people, that's one thing that I've realized too, is that these people do, for the majority of them, the work, which is the first and foremost, if you don't have the work,

there's the occasional douche that slips by and gets famous on some just pure evil. Pure ass kissing, pure fucking ass kissing horseshit. But those things fucking fail. Thank God, they fucking fail. Eventually they fucking. Eventually they'll fucking, you'll see them in the middle of the country,

with a huge house going, what the fuck happened? But I think that, you know, just not just evil. I think you need a little evil. You need the work to become famous. And that's why I'm inside my mic, dude. I'd love to, you know, I give a shit with my fans thing. Yeah. I care.

I'd love to be able to not give a fuck. Yeah. You know what I mean? Fuck, I don't even listen to them. But I care about the ones that give a shit about me. I had a guy give me shit one time because I kind of got a little choked up and Boston when I sold a lot of these tickets to a show. I mean, all these fans came out and saw me at the Wilbur. I got in the guy, I remember reading, he was like, yeah, it was a great show until he got fucking weirded everybody out at the

end when he fucking got kind of emotional and it's like, wow man, you don't get it. You don't get I get all right. I'm a fag, but I'm a fucking nobody. You know what I mean? I don't think I'm a somebody. Yeah. And you guys all came out to see me at my hometown. Thank you. That fucks people up, man. Well, I mean, whoever that person was, I mean, that's a person who's afraid, scared, shitless of their own feelings

and their own emotions. And they get scared when God forbid they feel something. And that scares them and they don't want to feel that. So what they do is they attack the person who's bringing those feelings out. Like, oh, he got all weird at the end. Like, what do you mean he got weird? He was just being sincere and saying, thanks. It's so weird about that.

Yeah. Well, it's like, you know, scared of that. When you, when I met you and my CD first came out and you actually, you know, I told you I don't have a birthday party. I never have a birthday party. Yeah. Dero so throws a fucking birthday party from stuff every year. Were you invited this year? I was not. Oh, really? I think I might, I went to his birthday.

It was already past. You missed it. Fucker. No, I wasn't invited. a lot of important people next year next year. Yeah next year. You'll probably be invited but You know you you actually brought me a cake with my CD cover on it Yeah, which fucking blue I was like holy shit What a that's why I love people from Canada. I told it to Colin Quinn today.

I was like, dude, I love Canadian people. You know why? Because they're just nice. Yeah, huh? And they don't, it's just a, you know, who gives a shit? Hey, how are you? What are you calling me? Just to see how you are.

What? You know, my phone doesn't ring without a question or a fucking demand. Yeah. What's up, Bobby? How you doing? No, I just get to it. I literally could just say that to every friend of mine. Yeah.

Just get to it. What do you need? All right, well, I need you to fucking, or can you fucking? That's all it is. Never. Only Colin. Colin will call me. What are you doing?

Nothing. What are you doing? And we'll talk and just shoot the shit. Yeah. That's about it. Um, sometimes, Dane too. Yeah. But we don't talk as much as we used to, but sometimes dain. And that's why it as far as I can tell, Colin Quinn is is one of the sweetest guys. I only I only interviewed him once, but every it seems like

it seems like every comedian I talk to says how nice Colin is. He's the nicest guy, man. That could be, I mean, that's why people love him. And, you know, it's just a rare fucking breed. Yeah. But, you know, I love him too, because he'll fucking knock somebody out, too. He's got anger.

He's like 10 years ahead of me in the anger. Yeah. Yeah, because, you know, he knows exactly what I go through. When I almost got into the fight last week with these two guys over a cab, he knew exactly where he's been there. And you know, he can, yeah, you don't want to do that shit. Yeah, I, you know, I had to leave the cell the other night. You know, I get mad at people, especially with the

non-smoking in the fucking, it's a little rough, but you've never fought anybody, right? Um, I've... no. Now, as you cross your arms over your breasts, as you're cold. I mean, I think maybe once in grade school, I got into a pushing match, but I can't remember any physical fights now. Did you, now, you guys, the last time we talked, we was before Montreal.

Yes, indeed. And you had somebody up at Montreal, indeed, covering the event. And they did not cover us. Correct. Can't be everywhere, Bobby. Oh, no. Apparently you were there.

Huh? No, they were there. What do you mean? You can be, listen, you're right. You can't be everywhere, but we had 17 shows. So you could have been at one of them. Yeah Yeah, I guess we could have yeah, who who is that person was it one person? It was I only had one person up there a girl. Mm-hmm. Yeah, she did a great job

Well, I don't know if it was a girl. I said I would say it was a good job I don't know if it'd be a great job. Because we didn't cover your show. What the fuck? I told you we're gonna be up there. Me, Joe, Billy. But here's the thing. When you go to Montreal, the thing about covering Montreal is there is, this is just me talking as an editor.

You have to cover the things that are unique to Hold on don't don't get don't get upset you it's unique to Montreal so Yes is a show with you and Joe bill a cool thing to go to yes, but Ken but we could but we I could we could see you guys No, and the kid no you can't of course not that can. Not that show. We wrote that show for Montreal. It was, ah, fuck. It was called Cheat Live. I know. It was, we had a video that we made before it. It was at a tranny bar. Yeah. It was us three doing this show that we wrote for that thing that we might never do again. And, you know, it was one of the fucking best shows of the festival.

Did you hear that? I didn't hear that, but I believe you. Oh my god, you almost made me spit water all over my computer. You know, it's hard. You only have one. What would you fucking cover the Mime Show? No. The fucking two guitars with a beard? Who did you did who did you come even know what you're talking about? You guys covered all the gallows. No, not at all. That's something we covered one gala and that's something I was on that gala That's right you were. Yeah, so what are you planning about you got an ink? I got a very little not even I

I think I think but I was Not a lot the other the other thing is this if we you know we're Canadian we murder she's from here yeah I don't think she lives in Austin I don't think she likes me she likes I don't think she's in fact I told her to if she if she saw you to say hi she didn't okay well she probably didn't see you walking around anyway we I didn't okay, well, she probably didn't see you walking around anyway We I didn't cover I I I don't love covering the guy wait I covered one gala like you said Because I mean the gala's are really just A big show with a lot of big comedians again same thing like what am I what am I gonna say about? Well, you know, I'll tell you what I'll tell you what the the gala for me this year and it should have you know again

it's it's 10 minutes or eight minutes or whatever the fuck it is. Of, yeah. And it was themed and, right, I just, and the lights are all on, you know, it's just, you know, who didn't give a shit? You know who the fuck can kill it? On my, Bob Marley.

Bob Marley went up and didn't give a fucking rats plot and killed it. Just went up and fucking annihilated. I went up and did better than the gallery I did before. But those gallows, I just can't get them, dude. I can't, I just can't get them dude. I can't I Just don't I don't and then I'm doing my show over at the other place. I'm killing it Yeah, I'm having a fucking blast. Yeah, just having fun and the gallows is just something that

sucks it out of me. Yeah when people say you can't do what you do I've been in front of 19,000 people Yeah, I you can't do what you do. I've been in front of 19,000 people. Yeah. I've done, you know, I don't give a fuck where you put me. I've done comics come home, in front of 6,000, I've done the garden, Boston and New York, I've every arena, I've been in ONA crowds,

something about when TV says don't be you. Yeah. I, something happens to me. It's hard. Yeah. Yeah. You know, once, you know, there's, there's parameters put on, you know, what you're, what you usually do, it's, it's hard.

That's what, you know, I mean, you may not like fucking joke writer comics, but I do give him credit. On TV, they come across the best. Yeah. You TV, they come across the best. You know, yeah. Just da da, da da, da da, da da, da da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da Yeah, and then I went over to the blah and she blah blah blah and And blah blah So are you blah blah? You know you can hear that shit Come on, can let me ask you this because yes, what is your favorite?

comedy my favorite Style of comedy if you have one and I know you're neutral and you don't want to fucking... I have opinions, I have opinions. You're making me out to be some kind of... I don't know, mushy vanilla person. But I don't think you're mushy and vanilla at all, but I think you are a little mushy. Yeah, I mean the type of comedy I'm most attracted to are gay comedy Arba gay comics gay comics absolutely are you know people like You know my my you know my top three comedy my top three comics for a long time were, Gerardo, Marin, Greg Proops, those type of guys, Stanhope, Jim Norton,

I mean, the type of guys that, I mean, those are the people that I'm most passionate about because they are, the type of comedians who are on the surface, very volatile or angry or passionate, but there's always this kind of this underwriting, what do you call it, the sensitivity under everything. And I get that a lot from your newer stuff. So those are the type of comics

that I'm most passionate about. But I also love guys like Brian Regan, you know, kind of palette cleansing comics. Sometimes it's like music. Sometimes you're not, sometimes I'm not in the mood to listen to Marin or Stan Hope and, you know, and get ultra deep and angry and, you know, I need to listen to somebody

like Brian Regan or Dane. You know, I fucking, I find Dane funny. Like, people are gonna hear that and like, get angry at me because God forbid I find in cook funny, but I fucking do. Is that amazing that people say he's not funny? Yeah, because people are assholes. Like people just jump on a bandwagon

and all of a sudden, you know, they hear somebody say something about somebody and they hear it enough, they start to believe it or they think they want to believe it. And then they just start attacking. Like, you know, Dane doesn't write jokes. He doesn't, no, there's a lot of fucking people that don't write jokes in hilarious.

You know, he's not, you know, he's not a joke guy. He's, I don't know, he's what he is. He's what he is and he's, he created almost a style of comedy that people, and why is he funny? Because he's animated on stage. They take that and they're like, oh, he does his gyrate on stage.

No, that's, if it's part of what he does. Well, here's the thing, if you all you do is gyrate on stage, you wouldn't get laughs. You actually have to communicate a thought to get a laugh. And how you communicate that is what people have a problem with. You should communicate it with just words and in a smart way and fucking that people didn't expect to communicate the funny thought that you had. You know, you know, in a smart way, and fucking that people didn't expect to communicate the funny thought that you had. You know, you can just stand there and deliver. But some people like Richard Pryor was a fucking storyteller, would perform the whole thing.

But just because he was one of the first, you can't do that anymore, you can't be, you're doing prior. Right. It's like, well, wait a minute, have the people out there doing somebody. Yeah. You know, there is a certain turn that somebody takes

when they find their voice. But if you look at the roots of what comics are, they're doing somebody. Yeah. They just took a turn at one point and did it a little, they just did it a little more through their own fucking mouth. Yeah. Where it became theirs. Yeah. I think. But I agree with you, man. That's a good point. I think that comedy is, that's why people, who do you hate? It's like, I don't know, how can I hate a comic? Yeah, I mean, there's certainly comedians that I don't, I don't relate to, or I wouldn't seek out their material.

I wouldn't like go listen to their stuff in the car. Yeah. But I don't know. I don't think go listen to their stuff in the car. Yeah. But I don't know. I don't think that I hate too many comics. It's personal. A comedy is personal. It's just like anything else. Like you said, it's like music.

And sometimes you want to hear some stupid shit. Right. And that's why I don't understand people who are only into like, I mean, how immature is that? How immature is it? Like, I'm only into cringe comedy, or I'm only into blue collar comedy. Like, I find Ron White hilarious.

He's fucking hilarious. But I also love Doug Stanhope, who's completely different. And the two of them are friends. I know they're friends. Yeah. who's completely different. And the two of them are friends. I know they're friends. You know, I don't hate Larry the cable guy. I've interviewed him a bunch of times. You can't hate him. After you talk to him, you cannot hate him.

It's a great guy. He's a good guy and he knows he's doing an act, a character. He never came out and said, he wasn't doing a character. He never came out and said he was. Right. But that's part of the, you know, he wasn't doing a character. He never came out and said he was. Right. But that's part of the, you know, he's doing a character. And that's what works. Like, do I find his comedy engaging and fulfilling to listen to?

Not really. But sometimes it is. But, you know, sometimes- You know, there's nothing you want some fart jokes and, you know, whatever. He makes a lot of people happy. Yeah. I'm not going to, you know, destroy him because he's not, you know, doing, you know, alternative comedy or something.

Right. Well, that's another thing though, is a lot of people hate alternative comedy. Right. You know? Yeah. A lot of people like, but I'll turn, here's the thing though, I don't hate alternative comedy. I don't hate them, but they hate me. Well, they, not me, I wouldn't say me,

but they hate, I don't think they like, I think it kind of turned around where they were the ones that were shit, and they went and did their own thing, and now they don't like, you know, they kind of treat people like shit. And it's like, I mean, do they or is that just in the perception?

I would think that would be my perception. Not, I would say not to me. I've never had a problem. But I'm not an asshole either, you know what I mean? I mean, when I meet, say an alternative comic and I just did hand quotes. I, if you're, like I said, if you're not an asshole, I don't care what you do on stage.

I don't give a fuck. Yeah. The only ones that I hate are the fucking, the middleers when I go on the road, and they think they're headliners, and they have T-shirts and CDs, and their last joke is the fucking t-shirt, fucking joke, and they roll it out, and then they go out there and stand out there making money like they deserve it. And it's like, you know, there's another way of making money, become better as a stand-up,

and become the headliner. See, if you had a little evil in you, you could tell them not to sell stuff. That's right. I do. I do. All right. But a lot of times I give in.

Because if the person is a good guy, and you see fucking nine shirts hanging in the back seat of his car and a baby seat, you're like, all right, sell you a shit DVD. And you have fucking dumb t-shirt because there's some baby with a fucking messy mouth waiting for you to come home. But see that, I mean, that, you know,

depending on who you talk to, might consider a request like that to be evil. But like to me, that's something, if I was a comic, if I was in your position, that's something that I might request nicely. What? Like, hey, or talk to the management and be like, listen, I'd rather not have the middle act selling his shit. Dude, it's in my contract.

I mean, but my fucking agency, there's no way they'd fucking ever, they don't enforce it. You work to get it there I it is in my contract that there's no nobody's supposed to sell shit at my shows All right, but no the clubs don't look at the contracts my agency I literally would have to hire somebody and I did for a little bit. Yeah, I hired somebody to be in between me And my agency and the club. Like a road manager?

No, it was like assistant to call and go look nobody can sell anything. So don't ask, there's no guest spots. There's all things that I don't want that nobody gives a fuck if they happen or not. And I'll show up in the get this person is doing a guess what? Now I'm going to be a dickhead. Right. And say it's in my contract. So you have to sound like a jerk.

I have to sound like a fucking ego fucking. And then they're like, who the fuck are you? It's almost like that's why you want to become famous. This is another thing too, is that people get mad because they say people become dicks when they become famous. No. I don't think so. I think some people actually just stop taking,

getting fucked in the ass. Some people start saying no to you. And when they start saying, fuck you, no, I don't, you do this or you're fired. It's like they're telling you to do it. You were supposed to be doing all along, but you could have told them, fuck, you don't give a shit because they ain't shit. Right. Now that there's actually consequences and a lot of money because these people are fucking famous, you have to do what they tell you to do. What you should have been

fucking doing. Right. Now they're dicks. Right. Now they're assholes. I want a fucking car. I don't want to fucking take a I don't want to fucking Some fucking middle or with a shit car that I could get killed and picking me up to the airport I want a limo. Well, who's a diva now? No, I'm not a fucking diva I've wanted this for years But you wouldn't I couldn't get it because I was a shit now that I'm fucking making these guys thousands of dollars I want fucking I want to be safe. I want a nice hotel room. Whatever it may be, I don't want, I want to be able to pick who's in front of me. Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with any of that. But people on the outside, it's just

easy for them to say while he's being a dick. I've been doing this for 15, 20 years. And just like any job, theoretically, if you're in an office for 5, 10, 15 years, as you gain, as you're there longer, better things happen. You get a raise or you get rewarded for doing it well and for doing your job for a long time.

And there's no reason, you know, comedians shouldn't also get rewarded the same way people in an office get rewarded. It's fucking, I mean, look, it's not like an office because an office has some sort of stability you know i'd this like my acting teachers to say the fastest horse doesn't win the race the best comic to that i can't tell you the times i've killed

it's not nothing for me nothing believe burrow is a fucking insane comedian. You know, people took notice after he bombed and attacked Philly. People like, holy shit. You know what I mean? It's like, really? Maybe if you listened to his set and he would have done a shit, you would have realized now that you all love him, he's the same guy you booed, yeah. You fucking morons. Yeah.

I, you know, I think that this business and in Hollywood and show business, it's in every aspect of it. It's, you have to really have your family and your close-knit friends and stick to it. And then when you go out of that bubble, you can't let people in that bubble. When you go out of it, you kind of have to, it's almost like you're foraging in the wilderness. You know what I mean? And you have to be very careful because you'll get angry,

hurt, fucking pissed off, you know, snap, hate. You don't, you can't have that, I can't have that shit in my life. Yeah. I can't hate people. I can't bring that shit to bed with me. I can't go to bed at night, fucking hating people. Yeah. Just can't do it anymore.

I don't believe in it. Right. Some people thrive on it. Yeah. Just can't do it anymore. I don't believe in it. Right. Some people thrive on it. Yeah. I can't do it. So you try to limit yourself to the food? Well, I don't have the fucking hookers, the booze, the drugs, the food.

Yeah. I don't have all that shit to fucking to kill those feelings at night. I can't be hanging out till five in the morning and the birds come up trying to fuck a, you know, Israeli broadening these village and Shit apartment. That was very specific. You have a story about fucking in an Israeli woman in the East Village. Yeah I know she was awful. Israelis are pretty hot. She was awful. She was awful gorgeous

Gorgeous, but she was just awful sexually, okay, but You know actually while she was fucking I would get angry She was just awful sexually. Okay. But, um, you know, I actually, while she was fucking, I would get angry. Like, fucking move your hips. What the fuck, come on, I grew up on a stock, like, grining my teeth, fucking do something. Yeah. I'm sorry, I don't think I shot the fuck. Um, anyways. Um, Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't think shot the fuck

Anyways So I want to talk we're gonna wrap this up very shortly. It's a fucking great podcast dude Yeah, I think we did awesome. Yeah, I have very interesting stuff man I you know, it's, it's too bad that, you know, laughspin didn't, you know, get us up and, Montreal is sad, you know, because it's probably never going to happen again. But, you know, we'll, we'll see, we'll see what we can do. That's all right. You guys are, you treat us well.

Yeah. We give all you guys, and that's the other thing. If we cover you during the year, we don't want to, we don't want to overcover you, you know? A Guffa bid you guys overpromote somebody. Guffa bid you help careers. You actually have a review of Joe DeRosa's CD. Yeah, sure.

With, of course. When you said you, when you said you, you don't want to hurt people, you really meant it. Yeah? Why is it? This review is just right down the middle. Is it right down the middle? It should be.

I didn't even review it. I just read a couple things out of it. The first, I read a couple things out of it and the only thing that were just jumped in my head, lies! And, but that's me, now I'm kidding. And- It was a strong album.

I'd say, I'm gonna go on record right now, saying I don't think it was as strong as his first. Really? But it was a strong album. I don't think anybody's, album. I don't think anybody's Look, I don't think Shit I think the second album I Think that first album you've been building for years. Yeah, I think my first album sucks I think my first the one that you that that's the one you listened to and reviewed,

wasn't my first. Technically, it's second, right? It's my second. Yeah. My second hour. I think this third one's going to be hopefully better than all of them. Yeah. But, you know, I don't know.

I get a fucking, I gotta do it. I don't think I'm getting an hour special either from Comedy Central. No, why not? I think they passed. I don't think they're fucking into it. I don't think I'm getting an hour special either from Comedy Central. No, why not? I think they passed. I don't think they're fucking into it. I don't know. I just, I don't know, dude. Do I need to talk to somebody? No. You know, look, you know, I don't, I don't know, dude. I don't know. I'm gonna do an hour. Yeah. This year, and I'm gonna do it my way. That's why I love fucking, you see,

stand hopes, fucking stuff, it's just fucking shot. Somebody's cell phone, you know? Yes. I don't know, I just don't understand why it has to be such a fucking production. Why can't we just fucking five cameras here at this club and shoot the hour. Shoot a couple shows and edit it together and let it be what it is. You probably can do that. Yeah, but you know,

there's something, there's, there's, it's done that way for a reason because to make money you need it this way. Right. And it's about money. To make money to say in the sales department, we need to sell to these people. It needs, we need this product. This product isn't going to sell to that age group. You know, well, I mean, you know, business, it is, it is. It is and, you know, it's, yeah, money needs to be made yeah else you're right yeah I mean I don't I'm not sitting there going fuck every you know what the fucking the artist you know so you the only thing that I can I'll do is the only

way out of that is just go figure out another way to do it and do it yeah and get it out there to the fucking my fans. Yeah. And when you review it, if you say it's fucking not as good as my first one, I'll fucking kill you. I'm gonna, I'm gonna write the review today. Don't know you haven't heard it. I don't need to. Do you think I'd listen to any of the stuff I review? Well listen, dude. This is Dylan. Yes. dude. This is Dylan. Yes. From Lafspin, the editor in chief of Lafspin, formerly known as Punchline magazine. If you guys used to go to Punchline all the time, now you know it's Lafspin. If you've never been to Punchline or Lafspin, go to laughspinn.com. There's, I'm not saying this It's, there's, I'm not saying this, to be a piece of shit.

Oh, to kiss your ass. There's a few websites I go to Gizmodo, I go to Gokker, I go to nine to five, I go to Laph Spen, too, I go to Huffington Post. Sure. There's a couple others too, I go to cringe. Yeah, to be honest with you, I go to cringe too. I they're, they're fucking a little more aggressive. Yeah, but they have a different agenda for sure. And it, yeah. And, but this is, you know, this is the one I go to every day. I'll go to this and check it out. Because it's great articles, great videos, videos,

interviews, reviews, it's probably, I'll say this is the most full comedy website out there, as far as pretty much everything. You get pretty much everything. And every, it's not like you said, it's not just one brand of comedy. There's something for everybody here. I love that you're not up somebody's asshole, because it probably wouldn't be me.

I mean, if it's worth it for me to be up somebody's asshole, I'll probably be up somebody's asshole, but that asshole has not presented itself yet. Well, maybe it will someday. Well, thanks for being on this with me, bro. Thanks for having me. I just want to let people know real quick that, you know, you can go to gloryholeradio.com to listen to this on your computer. You can download it to your phone or your computer.

You can go to iTunes. You know what, dude, podcast Robert Kelly, make sure you subscribe and tell a fucking friend. I'm really getting sick of me being out of the top 200 or me being in the, you know, this people, there's a fucking tranny, a Gmail that has a fucking more popular. That's right, well.

So tell a fucking friend, get people to subscribe, tell everybody, subscribe to this shit, spread the word. It's up to you guys. And we also have brand new today that a big announcement that my new app, my new iPhone app, that you can download right now, if you want to. Excellent.

It's out. It's out today and it's free. I know that a lot of people bought the old one. There's a lot of problems. We were kind of pushing the limits with what an app could do back then. I wanted to give you a crazy shit. We had live updates and almost like a Twitter,

an app Twitter feed right in that only people where the app could see with video and photo. That company out of business and blah blah blah blah the shit happened. So if you have the old app Delete that shit and go get the new one for free and thank you for the dollar that you paid for the old one Because that paid for the new one so you donated Money for the free app. So it is now Robert Kelly live. That's it, let me see. Let me see it.

There it is. That's it man, free, hit that button baby. I'm hitting it now. It's free. Robert Kelly app free is up right now on the iTunes store. It's streamlined, it's fucking pretty badass. I'm gonna actually put some video up here. Robert Kelly Live contains age restricted material. Tap OK to confirm that you are 17 or over.

Your content will then begin downloading immediately. This is happening. This is dirty. This is for real. It's a dirty app. If there's curse words on here, I'm gonna be very upset. Did you download it? It's loading, it's downloading now.

There we go. Your bald pretty head is on my... Yeah, everybody hates my new... My new... Icon. Why? I don't know, really, you fucking bunch of ONA fans, just judgmental cuts.

Dude, yeah. I know. Someday I'll have fans that are fucking fans. You have fans that are good though This is the thing with fans they though the ones that are awesome that love you. They don't talk to you They just they're the ones that fucking hate you. They're the only ones that fucking seem to go you fucking You fucking new stupid head thing looks stupid. It's like I don't fuck yourself. I'd love to see you in the problem Those are probably your fans too though. I know I know well a couple they like this is the deal some of them aren't though

And I they're not following me, but they'll mention me in a fucking fucked up way to another comic to But to become friends with them. Yeah, or to have them notice them through me, but you don't understand stupid that he's my friend Not yours and I blocked them. I wish we could band together and just block people. But anyways, fuck, I digress. I don't wanna get on that. But we're here with, did you download the app? It's still downloading. It's still downloading.

What are you on? Fucking 3G. You should have jumped on the, yeah I'm on the 3G, but I don't Wi-Fi. Jesus. What do I know? I have no idea. Well, I wanna thank you for doing the podcast.

Thanks for having me, man. It was a blast. Check out the new app that's out today. Spread the word about the app. The podcast is on there. Do you want to see the app on my phone? I can show you that while it's downloaded. Sure.

Here we go. You're happy with this was a different company that made this app for you What it was it was actually a different company same a guy from the company. It's a state square Is the name of the company, but it's a guy from the original company. Oh, I said broke off and my web design occurred Iverson did this app together got together. So here is the app and it's just streamlined. It's better. It's fucking better. But the podcast is on it, which people love.

Just hit it right there. What happens when you open the app? If you're 100 miles within a show that I'm doing, that will automatically pop up. That's awesome. Robert Kelly will be performing at Gotham Comedy Club on October 21st, 2011. That's pretty sweet. That's awesome. Robert Kelly will be performing at Gotham Comedy Club on October 21st, 2011. That's pretty sweet. That's right. It is sweet. And thanks for the plug. And then the podcast is up there.

We got a YouTube channel up there now too. So there'll be a bunch of videos that I can update from, literally from my phone, and put them up there. My, the podcast, you can ask me, email me right from there, a soundboard with all the, you know, crazy, crazy fucking sounds that I've mostly from fucking ONA. Oh, that's when they made you cry. Oh Is that was actually all the throw-ups together this one's a good one. Oh my god, dude. Was that a pickle job? You want to do to my butt my butt? I Said what what in the butt? I said

Can a beautiful boy but I said what in the body I said convertible boy get him out of the house there you go um... but yeah this app is fucking rocking you got it there you go you got the app you got the app how do you think of it? it's pretty nice right? it's really slick yeah it's pretty slick it's uh... I think the app? How would you think of it? It's pretty nice, right? It's really slick. Yeah, it's pretty slick.

It's, I think the app is the actual, let me see, like, the other thing. Look at this, it's got the app right there. He's the Bobby's head, and all the places he's performing. Yeah, that's the one. Where's this map of all the places you've taken a shit? No, that's actually, that's when you go to my dates, it actually has Google Maps, and it has And instead of pins, it has my head.

And you can get the list. And you get the list form. Up in the corner, you can hit the list. That's nice. And you can buy. If you hit one of those buttons, it will tell you, you can buy the tickets, you can call the club, you can add a T.A. calendar, you can go to the website.

It's pretty bad ass app, because I think you're in Vegas pretty soon. I'm in Vegas this weekend. But this podcast will be up after that. So that doesn't matter, but So the app is up. So how do you think of the app? I like it the app the app is nice I think every comic is gonna have an app in the future Fuck the website. They definitely they definitely need one. Yeah You know, who else who needs an app? I do. Lapspin. Yeah. Working on it.

She talked to the guy at Stay Square. Maybe we will. Yeah. HasbroKites in January. That's like five minutes from where I live. Well, you're fucking showing up, then. Yeah, there we go. There we go.

So the app is Dylan. Mm-hmm. Says approved. Yeah, the new app is out to check that out. Make sure you go to laughspin.com. This is a really good podcast. Yeah, thanks. I'll let you know that we did this podcast months ago.

Yeah. And you came in, I gave it the wrong address. You did. You were late because of me. Yes. And you ran up here sweating. Yes. And I wound up fucking Joe was on the podcast and I Wondup fucking up the podcast It's lost the end of it. It's okay. So we had to redo it. It's okay and it's been months

But I'm glad we redid it. This was way more interesting than the first one agreed the first one was that you were a little out of it. I think It was like a lot of this was a fucking great podcast. That's really good So I hopefully you come back on absolutely and next time with Derosa That would be fun. You can tell him to his face that you think his album stinks All right All right, buddy. So laughspin.com. What's your Twitter? You want to give it laughspin? Yeah it's laughspincom. So yeah laughspincom is my Twitter is the Twitter handle and Facebook is Facebook.com slash laughspin. Awesome man. Thanks

for coming down there. Thanks buddy. Alright congratulations on the baby. Thank you. The new one. Thank you. And the bikini baby. Thank you. The new one. Thank you. And the bikini wax. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Thanks again for listening to another episode of You Know What Dude Podcast on GloryholeRadio.com And make sure to check out all the other shows on the Gloryhole Network.

If you're using the Stitcher app, type in the word Fart when you register. I tune you to just don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. If you're a real fan of the show and you want to show you support, go to gloryholeradio.com slash Robert Kelly and hit the donate button. $10 will get you a shout out on the air. $20 will get you my first CD, Robert Kelly Live, not available in stores. If you have any questions, email me at Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, lincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea

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