Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Me, Joe D and the Off-Digi Alarm

Episode Date: July 28, 2011

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You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Glory Hall Radio Network GloryHor radio.com We're here. We're here with another episode of You Know What Dude podcast with Joe DeRosa is my fucking pal. Well, I'm in the test. I don't know we're doing a test, but I just figured I'd push the fucking button because we're on a time limit now, which is a new thing on the show because a lot of times when not a lot of times a couple times. Let me rephrase that shit so we don't get into a fucking argument because that's where

Arguments go sometimes it's just a phrase or Someone says something in the wrong way or a tone that's misunderstood and me and you are in a cab fucking scaring Morgan Murphy to death Right, so I will rephrase that a couple times we've you've had to leave the podcast because it goes on a little too long or some shit has happened and it fucks up the podcast. It only fucks it. It's unfair to you as a person who needs to have other responsibilities. It's unfair to the listeners because they have to hear the uncomfortable, I gotta go

and then I push the wrong button and things get fucked up because I panic and that's we're gonna end all that with the new time limit Joe. Well, no, this is a way to get the listeners on my side. I'm sure everybody's thrilled about this. First of all, see you took it the wrong way. Listen to Zeronius side Joe and so am I. Yeah, yeah. I'm just saying we have now we have an alarm that's gonna go off. Not that it's we have to stick to it at an hour The alarm's gonna go off and we're gonna wrap up All right little different on the air than the way you phrased it off the air Which is how I know you're doing something right now?

but in the sport of radio Bob, I'm gonna let it go Podcasts, I think radio you need a paycheck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. An antenna. Yeah. We have a neither. We have a kitchen table with an asterisk. Yeah, and your cigarettes.

Yeah, you know, this is the thing, dude. We were talking about this a little off the air. Mm-hmm. What do you even call it when you're off? You call it what kick called off the air. What is it off the? It's not on off tape. Well, no, it's not tape. It's digital. No, so it's off record. No, it's called not on Button button. I can't even speak. That's quite a phrase right now before we have the cigarette discussion. Okay, go ahead It should be called

Off didgy As long as I can coin a phrase fucking Punching you the fuck out When you put them up with fucking dumb phrases off didgy I will not say that first of all it sounds too Australian Which is the fucking worst accent ever. My bye-bye. My bye-bye. My bye-bye. My bye-bye. My bye-bye. Fuck off. Off-diggy is not the fucking phrase we're using. Off-diggy. No, not off-diggy. I'm going to start my own podcast called Off-diggy. That'd be about time. It'd be about time.

Just to be a dickhead. Listen, if you start your own podcast, I would be behind that 100%. Okay. If I do, I'm going to call it off, did you? Go ahead, call it off, did you? I love to hear off, did you? Ugh. You know, I don't get to call my podcast. We don't know, dude.

That's what I'm going to call it. On my own, on my my own co-tails finally uh... you're a fucking you you becoming the cigarette thing dude I love you man and I don't care about I really don't give a shit but you becoming that cigarette guy that never has his own pack always bombs a cigarette dude can I get a cigarette which I don't mind but it's going on weeks now and then this is your fucking this is your your your solution to the problem is then you'll buy

me a pat you'd like to do it I got you this pack of cigarettes for all the cigarettes I was smoking on you so here's a pack. Like you should be fucking padded on the back. Like, oh thanks man. Why do I have to? Why does it end up me thanking you? You're not gonna thank me? Well, no, because if I just took the cigarettes, if I just took them, we've had this.

If I just take them and you're like, what do you know I'm gonna thank? We really just don't take them. No, don't pull shit. Bullshit. You go, you go. I can lie if I want to. Yeah, yeah, obviously.

You go, you'll say, don't buy me a pack, and then I'll go, Bob, shut up. Let me buy the pack because I know I smoke your cigarettes. And then I, that's it. Here's another solution. Here's another solution. Yeah. You buy a pack of cigarettes. I always have cigarettes more out.

There's something that happens. I don't understand what it is. For some reason, every time I come here I just ran out you walk by 95 bodegas on the way here okay we're in hell's kitchen there's fun literally five five fucking bodegas on the way if you want to turn this into a tit for tap thing well I'm just saying when I run out of cigarettes you know what I do said your wife to buy buy them. No, I don't. I go and buy my cigarettes.

And I buy my wife's cigarettes, too. I buy my own cigarettes. I run out, I buy a pack of cigarettes. That's just the way it is. I always have cigarettes on me because I smoke. And therefore, when I run out, I want to pack of cigarettes. I don't wait until I meet somebody with a pack. You know, I don't do that.

Well, I don't do that. I rush over to do the podcast. You're making it about you again. I'm not doing it. I rush. Why'd you say rush? She didn't rush. I did.

You came. I did. You came on. Unshoured. Unshoured. You didn't take a shower? No. Is that big for you?

I'm filthy from the fucking gym today. I was a goddamn, I look like I went swimming in my clothes. Really? Yeah. You gotta be careful. I'll tell you right now. First of all, you go into the gym. I don't know, it shouldn't bother me.

I should be, I am happy for you and I am proud of you and I'm happy that you're taking care of yourself and you're going to the gym and you're trying to eat right. And please don't fucking shake out your shoulders that you just did. You just shook out your shoulder. I didn't shake out my shoulder. I went like that. All right. To move the bike. But if there's something about it that just bugs me and it's not you, it's me. Because I'm not going to the gym. I'm not taking care of myself. Wait a minute, you haven't been working out? I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Is that it fucking bugs me that you are on some type of fucking positive

tear that you're going to the gym? You started it. I did. Yeah, you motivated me. Well, you couldn't have fucking motivated me. I'd uh, please. Please what? Please.

Please what? I always, I always motivate you. What? Always. What the fuck are you taught? What do you mean you motivate me? I always do. You look good man. You're doing the right thing. That's great dude. You all right? Because I always say shit like that. Not now. Not right this minute. Well, not in the last fucking two months. Oh, well you haven't been

doing anything. You know what, dude? You know what, dude? I really do say that. Hence, the podcast. It bugs me. It bugs me. I think we need to work on a couple things. I think one thing that you need to do is start having your own cigarettes when you come to this fucking podcast.

Absolutely. I think you need to start. And don't buy me a pack of cigarettes. Just have your own. Okay. Okay. Just have them. I'm gonna do it stop and don't buy me a pack of cigarettes. Just have your own. Okay. Okay. Yes I'm gonna do it from the other one. Okay, there's a little part of me that if I'm running a little later something I go out I don't I don't have time to stop Bobby love cigarettes. I admit that that's not a problem once in a while. Yeah, but it's fourteen dollars a pack in New York City

Okay, and the way we smoke on this podcast is, you know, it's like we're two Russians playing fucking Texas hold them in a fucking basement. Right. It's not good. Okay. It we smoke and smoke and smoke. And by the time I'm gonna have to go buy another pack now. I'm not gonna smoke anymore. I see I don't want that either. I, we're already, you already had one. So just, just for now, you can have cigarettes, but the next time you just have your own pack. Okay? Yes. I will have my own pack next time. Okay. This is why I always say I'm not making it about me. Put your eyebrow down. Put your eyebrow down because when you're making it about you, your eyebrow, that eyebrow

goes up. This is why I always say to you with don't I? I can't help it. I don't know why. It's because you're fucking, because you're talking to, it's fucking alive. That's your tell. No, this is why I always say to you, don't guys, please come over for dinner, please. Let me, I feel bad that you guys are so accommodating all the time. I want to repay, it's hard to get you guys over because of your schedules and stuff. Right. That's all. That's mine too, but you know. Yeah, that is not, we love having you over. I love having guests. My wife loves cooking.

It's fine. We're talking about specifics here. All right. Sigarettes. I just don't want you to become that guy. You know what I mean? That guy that doesn't, never has his own butts. And is always like, you know, Harris used to be that guy.

He is, he still is. I am, you know, cigarette fuck you. Go buy your own fuck. It's on the verge of being homeless. It really is. It's just, you have homeless tendencies, Joe. You know what's so funny is, I am, when I have a pack,

I am so generous, and I give them to everybody they asked me for. And in the back of my head, I go, I'm paying a four, Bobby gives me cigarettes. I need to be nice I give them to everybody that asked me for it and in the back of my head I go I'm paying it for Bobby gives me cigarettes. I need to be nice and give these to people fuck those people Fuck those people Be generous to Bobby by being generous to yourself That's the fucking that's that's the model today's lesson. That's today's lesson and and and the other thing working out I'm happy dude. It's today's lesson. And the other thing working out, I'm happy, dude.

It's actually aggravating me to the point where I'm gonna start actually eating right and working out. I'm almost there. I'm almost back. I was actually keeping, and this is how sick it is, you know that secret, secret, double secret project we're working on?

Yes. That we can't talk about for some reason, that we mention on every podcast. And not one person has emailed me or tweeted me, Hey, what's the secret? Nobody gives a fuck. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Yeah. In the first episode, oh, the first thing. Well, get it right. Yeah, I I have to be fat. I Had to be fat right I had you know now Things are a little changed up and whatever we're switches. I can actually in my head I was actually staying fat

That was my excuse like I need to be fat for this because if this thing go, you know, whatever if it happens I need to be it wouldn't make sense if I got into shape. It just wouldn't even make sense. So I had to like keep this on until we got, you know, until things came to fruition. But now things have changed a little bit so now I can actually, there's no excuse. Right. Does that make sense? Yeah. Right. Now, dude, I look, I do shit like that all the time where you know, I'll say I'll say you know I shouldn't be I Shouldn't be out doing this what the fuck I lost my keys. I'll say I say I'll say I shouldn't be out doing this or doing that You know, it's I don't need to be out drinking tonight or whatever and then I'll justify it somehow in my head

You know I'll go well I did radio today and I did a red eye and then I did spots and I diver in this, I deserve it. You know, like, you find these excuses to be self-destructive, whether it's rewarding yourself or saying, I need to do it for this job or beating yourself up, whatever the fuck it is It's you know, I know I know that feeling dude. You find any excuse to go

Completely to the fucking wall Well, I actually just I talk about this a lot in therapy is the reward system that I've created for myself Whether good or bad if I feel like shit I can go and do some deviant shit some porn or jerk off or fucking hunt down you know I mean look I don't I don't fucking go to hookers but even hunt them down on the internet to see what the fuck is out there sometimes I'll do that shit I'll look at like sites and oh my god you know and and then it's like I don't do it but just that fucking creepy hunt or, you know, finding the perfect porn or eating some savage shit and fucking being a fat fuck. I'll do that when I feel like shit, but also when I've had a big long day and I've done

my job and I woke up and I had the conference call and I wrote for a five hours and then I had a set and I worked on that and when I'm done, I immediately want to reward myself with something terrible. And I've just did what everybody else does in the world, live my life, and just did what you're supposed to do. Somehow, I'm supposed to be rewarded with something terrible. Right, right. Instead of just doing what you're supposed to do, waking up, doing your job, and fucking being a cool person and taking care of your responsibilities.

And that's it. But it leaves a pit in my stomach. I have a pit. I could actually feel it of this fucked upness right in my gut that I want to do something. I want to eat something, I fucking do something bad and look at something terrible and those things and when I do it It makes me feel good and I've been trying for the last couple weeks to sit in it sit in that terrible feeling and And kind of I feel bad right now. I have a physical pain in my stomach That I can feel and I know it will go away if I just jerk off to something bad or

fucking you know buy something you know buy go up buy a new pair of sneakers or a new electronic or something if I go and punch something down and get it I'll feel good you know even the hunt will make me feel good and I'm trying not to do the hunt not even to think just sit there and feel like shit Yeah, yeah, which is hard as fuck Yeah, it's brutal dude. It's brutal. You don't with food. I do it with with booze You know I do it with everything I do it with booze if I I just did it with booze fucking you know a million years ago I did it with drugs. I did it with sex. I do it with everything. And you do too, we both do the same shit.

It's really interesting to me is like you get to that place of justifying your lifestyle so much that you bullshit yourself and you don't even know how much you're actually doing it. It's like, I've only been going to the gym for a couple weeks, but it's like this guy put me on a very light diet now In the six months leading up to the gym, right? I would talk to people and go Proud isn't that isn't the way I eat. It's not the way it is this and this and this I don't really eat sweets I don't really eat this. I don't really eat that, I don't really eat that. I would say that. And then since I've been on this diet, which is basically just, it's so easy,

it's just like, if you're gonna do carbs, do them in the morning, don't do white flour, don't do sugar, don't eat fried shit, don't eat fucking candy and so it's, you know, it's basic shit. And I caught myself now, like when I'll be at a club, I'll get this urge to like, well, let me have a cheese cake while I'm sitting here waiting to do my second spot.

Yeah. And I'm like, Jesus Christ, man, I do that so much. I never, until I said to myself, I can't do it. I didn't realize how much I was fucking doing that. I would tell myself, I don't need a lot of carbs and I was eating a fucking hoagie every night before bed. You know, not to mention whatever the fuck aid for lunch and dinner and breakfast or whatever.

You manipulate yourself, you lie to yourself. You don't even realize you fucking doing it. And losing weight, you don't even have to work out to lose weight. I mean, it's scientific fact that you can lose all the weight without fucking going to the gym once. It's what you put in your fucking body. And you can have whatever you want.

It's just the amount that you fucking put in your body. That's Weight Watchers. I was talking to Lenny Clark about that. He lost 100 pounds. Weight Watchers. Took years. It takes years. Took him five years to do it.

But it's what you put in your body. The amount of food that you put in your body and what the fuck it is it's it's math that's what losing weight is it's fucking math my buddy Jeremy dropped all this weight the he's the kid that books that show whiplash down to UCB he's a good guy yeah yeah me on one time never asked, but thanks Jeremy when when they had calling back already They only you do it like once every few months man. It's it's not like calling was back already We were on the same show calling is famous. Okay. Yeah, okay. All right. I didn't know you're gonna go right there But he that kid which if you're ever in town check out that show with blotch. It's a great show

But don't let me plug it my next time I'm on, we'll just put it in our joke. But that kid dropped serious weight. And I was like, dude, what are you doing? Are you lifting or something? And he's like, no, dude, I just stopped eating bad. That's all I did. I just stopped eating bad and I stopped drinking.

We're not totally drinking, but I think you just stopped the most of drinking. And I was like, I literally was looking at his arms. I go, dude, but I think you just stopped the most of drinking. And I was like, jeez. I literally was looking at his arms. I go, dude, you look like you're lifting weights. Your arms have like shape and shit. He's like, yeah, I'm not doing any fucking exercise. I mean, it's good that you're actually exercising

because you've never had muscle. Like if I dropped all my weight, I have muscle underneath it. I've always been in shape underneath my fat. I was ripped. I've always been in shape underneath my fat. I was ripped. I've always been athletic, my childhood, and growing up, and I have the muscle underneath the fat. So when I lose weight, I'm pretty shredded. I don't have to work out that much,

but you, no, and I'm not saying this to be a dick either. No, I'm not, I know. You need to actually build the muscle up underneath your fat. So when you do lose the fat, because you don't have a lot to lose, you don't have a ton of weight to lose. Oh, it's just gut here. Yeah, you have the gut, but you have to have the muscles on the arm, and once you get that muscle, you'll have that forever, because it's muscle memory.

I mean, you can get that shit back in fucking months. Dude, I'll say this man, and look, I'm not getting ahead of myself here. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, please say this. No, no, no, no, no. I'm gonna do my best to keep this up, but like, I cannot believe the emotional turnaround that gives you, like, dude, I woke up today,

literally in a panic, dude. I woke up today in a fucking panic. Why? Because I did read I last night. I said something that was apparently provocative in one of the stories. What did you say? We were talking about this guy, Adam Allen West, excuse me, the Republican guy that sent this really caddy email to a Democratic House rep or something. I don't want you to know the whole story, but we read the email on the air and talked about it. And I said, in the email, he said to this woman, you're disgusting and you don't know how to act like a lady.

And then I said, yeah, you know, who doesn't know how to act like a lady, you, because you're being a bitch, right? And I got all these fucking, now I got a lot of great followers after the show last night on Twitter, but I got all these hate tweets this morning. So I wake up, I'm already in my head like, did I go too far, was that too much to say, whatever. Then I read the tweets, Then the stomach aches starts.

Then the fucking worry, you know this shit. The worry starts kicking in. Did it, oh my God, what did I do? Am I never gonna be on the show again? I start going through all that shit. And it's just self-destructive, catastrophe. Everything's the world is fucking burning down. And I have a 10 a.m. appointment at the gym.

And I'm like, I'm ready, I was ready to call out of it. I was like, I can't go. I have a 10 a.m. appointment at the gym and I'm like I'm ready I was ready to call out of it. I was like I can't go I'm too stressed out I got it I got a lane here with the shades drawn all day right and sleep and just cut up and I was like dude you know test yourself to do it do it go just go and fucking do it and force yourself to do it for once. Live in the pain yeah live in the fucking pain yeah and I went and went and I started on the elliptical and I was like, all right. And then the guy brought me up, we're doing the machines.

And I'm like, all right, man, I'm feeling better. And now I'm fucking sweating. And he always closes it out with abs, which is the worst thing that you could ever make a person do. His ab exercises. Well, especially somebody with no abs. Yeah, yeah, it hurts. Yeah.

I was, I was, I'm all. Have you gotten the cramp yet when you do the abs. I've been gotten like a cramp, but it's like I get a pain while I'm doing it. Where I'm like, oh, it hurts. I've been at the gym doing abs and my whole abs cramp up. And you little I had to roll over and just stretch my abs out like and just go and just stretch my abs out, like, and just go, ee-e-e-e laughing. I'm like, everything's fine. What the fuck is Well, oh my god, man like so in my head. It's this business man. It's it's look I

Mean I understand what exactly what you're saying is that this it's this business though You want one wrong thing one you say you fuck up and look at how much Tracy Morgan look at our Joe Koi one you say you fuck up and look at how much Tracy Morgan look at our Joe Koi. I mean Joe Koi was on fucking Chelsea Handlers sitcom that's gonna be a fucking hit and the head of NBC called I Want Him Gone because he said something stupid and fat you know called somebody a faggot but jokingly and it just you know you never know what the fuck is gonna happen but you that's why as a comic when you make those choices you have to fucking stick to it you have to fucking just accept whatever you say and fucking deal with

those consequences. So you can't that that's why when you say something you have to believe in it you can't just say something to be funny and you gotta you gotta own it and put it all out on the table all the way up the ladder. Yeah. And not the Tracy Morgan did that, Tracy Morgan did, but what he said was so extreme, that was extreme for anybody. You know what I mean? So, we got in some shit, but he still has his job and it went away. Right.

You know what I mean? It's like he didn't get fired, but it's like you look at a guy like Louis. Yeah. Louis's successful as ever. Great TV show. He's out there doing it. Right. He had a whole routine about the word, F's successful as ever. Great TV show, he's out there doing it. Right. He had a whole routine about the word faggot. Yeah.

He had a routine about the fucking N word. Yeah. Which he would get mad that I just said the N word. According to his routine. Yes. You know, but like the point is, is like, he fucking, but he's that guy. He's always been that guy.

It's always been wrong, honest, whatever. Joe, and I don't mean this disrespectfully to him, but like, Joe wasn't that guy. Joe is friendly, smiley, guy next door kind of thing. And then he says something like that. And it's like, who the fuck are you? Whoa, you know, and there's nowhere for him to go with it. It's like that's it. Well, I mean, back to just not to sidetrack because we got sidetrack,

but back to you waking up this morning, that is the essence of life. I believe is it can't be fun all the time. It can't be good all the time. I started looking into religions, you know, how they sacrifice in these crazy religions that flog themselves or even the Jewish really really the acidic that shut the light off and the holidays where they can't use anything electronic or omnis people that don't use anything electronic and have wooden fucking buttons or whatever, fuck damn. And I look at that shit, I'm like, they sacrifice, they sacrifice to an extreme, but then you look at, fighters and MMA guys and they sacrifice they make sacrifice they hurt themselves emotionally and physically to For a goal and I don't sacrifice shit. I've been living my life

It's got to be fun. I've been trying to make it a party from the second I wake up to the second I go to bed, that it's fun and I'm happy. And life isn't that. Life sucks. Life gets fucked up. And it's even more fucked up when you're not doing what you want to do or you're not being who you really want to be. And the way to get to being shaped, and I know this,

because I've been fucking fat six times before this. Right. And thin a bunch of times as I know that it's sacrifice. It's sacrificing and feeling that shit feeling and getting up and going to the fuck to the gym. And sometimes you feel great after and sometimes you feel like shit again and you come home and you want something more. You want to chase that excitement and you can't you got to sit in the shit and feel bad Right and be okay with feeling shitty

That's fucking life That's life is okay. Yeah I feel like shit. I don't feel good right and I mean that's if you look at AA or NA, all he goes, it's literally just one guy talking to another guy and I'm sorry, I think that's the first literally on the show so far because I've been listening to the shows. We say literally a million, it should be called literally. That's literally dude.

Literally dude. That's funny. It's one guy saying it to another guy. I feel like shit And the other guy going I feel like shit too, but it's all right Wait, we're okay, and then you feel better after a little bit you feel better That's the whole concept behind it and that's great that you go into the fucking Jimmy did that today Because that's the essence of fucking working out or losing weight is Sacrificing sacrificing and not rewarding yourself

every time you feel like shit, it's okay to feel like shit. Yeah, dude. And I was kind of upset last night and I went down after the show and I did my spot and I was all wound up, man. And I was like, it was shaken, Jesus Christ. And I had a drink to like, it was shaken, Jesus Christ. And I had a drink to like, I'm like, let me have a drink, just calm the fuck down man.

I got a fucking calm down. And then I went up and met Bill Schultz, had another drink, two, three, four drinks. And then it's like two a.m. And I'm like, I gotta go dude. I gotta go to the gym tomorrow. I gotta do this. Right. And then everybody's like, come on I'm like, I gotta go dude. I gotta go to the gym tomorrow. I gotta do this. Right.

And then everybody's like, come on, just fuck it. You know, and I'm like, and I was right there. I was like, yeah, maybe I'll just fuck it. I don't have to go to the, and I was like, no, fuck it. I'm gonna go. So then I had that pain this morning too of like, why did I do that last night? Now this is gonna be doubly hard, but I went and I did it.

And I balanced it out and I was like, you know what? There you go. It was a fucking, it was a tit for tat once again. You know what I learned? And that's the, that's the, anytime I've ever evolved in my life, and I've done it a bunch of times, you know, when I quit drinking, when I started comedy, when I decided to try to be a better comic when I got married and nobody gives a fuck about you except yourself. Seriously, I know, look, I know you care about me, I know I have friends, I know I care about you,

I don't wanna see your hurt. But in reality, you can become a fat mess to stay a piece of shit or an alcohol. And I'm gonna try to help if you ask for help and I'm gonna be but the the only person that gives a fuck about you truly is yourself right that's the only person that can help you is yourself because every if you listen to your friends if I listen to my friends I wouldn't be married right now right these are people that care about me I wouldn't be where I'm at right now

and it's it's me it's all fucking me because people like, look, people love love when you miserable. There's nothing worse than somebody showing up after a couple years of seeing them or a month and they're in shape and they got a deal and they're on TV and things are going great and they're like, hey, what's up? Dude, you look great. You wow and and you get a girl on your arm, and everything is nothing worse than that. There's nothing better than when you show up, and you're just a fat mess, and you've got nothing, and I got a chick, and I'm happy, and it's just human nature to be like,

ugh, because it makes you look at yourself. It makes you go, what the fuck am I doing? And some people take that and fucking are bitter, some people take that and fucking are bitter. Some people take that and it get and motivates them. So I'm saying to you, Jeho, you're motivating me to go back to the gym. I'm going to get in shape. I'm going to get in shape. No more fucking lunches with me and you at the Amish where we get fucking 10 pounds of meat and bread and fucking chips and I. We're gonna eat healthy.

I'm gonna eat healthy. I'm gonna switch it up. No more carbs late at night, French fries. No, I'm gonna stop going to the gym again too. I'm gonna stop moving. I'm gonna stop going to the gym and eat and healthy. I'd love for you to do it. All right, what are we gonna do in Montreal next week though?

Are we gonna go to the gym, you mean? Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna do the hotel gym. We go to the gym every morning. It's good to do a card again we gonna go to the gym? You mean? Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna do the day. I'll tell Jim we go to the gym every morning We go to the gym every morning. I mean morning, but you know Maybe one is all right. I'll fucking see you know I actually have a couple cocktails with those parties. I don't make it up at 9 a.m. Go the fucking gym But yeah, I'm gonna go. It's all right. I need the cardio and uh. I thought, Jesus Christ. What the fuck? I'm just saying that in the morning.

It's my point is proven. Nobody cares about you but yourself. I wanna go. I just don't wanna go in the morning. Okay, that's all. But yeah, good. So yeah, we're going to Montreal next week. Yeah.

I don't know on this podcast. This podcast might go on the week after or During the week because we're gonna do a lot of podcasts up there. Yes, so we're gonna try to get some live You know not live, but we're gonna try to do some Podcasts in the lounge. I hope we can do that man. I really hope we can do that. Why couldn't we? I don't know it's one of the that's why I think shit can we? Because it's one of the things it's so stupid and obvious to me like of course we could do that. I'm waiting for somebody to come over and go guys. There's a restriction with the festival that only so it's so can do a podcast here. Fuck them. You know what dude? It's not like we're setting up a studio. It's a zoom recorder with a couple, as you say, sure. 58. 58, what is it the?

The workhorse of the microphone, you're saying the music industry. It makes me. Sure, 57, too. Sure, 57, not as good as Sure 58, and there's the SM and the PG. Well, the Sure 57, it's a different type of microphone, Bob. What is it? The Sure 57 is a uni directional microphone

with a flat head. Right. That's meant, it's used more for like, when you got a mic drums and shit like that. Right. But you can use them for vocals and stuff because they give you a different sound. Right.

And I wonder if I took the Sure 57 or the Sure 58 and I smashed you over the fucking head with it if that would be a different sound. Probably. The shape different sound. Probably. They're shaped different. I brought up, you know, we always talk about shit movies and you watched Almighty Thor. Yeah, yeah. And brilliant.

And a lot of people have tweeted me and email me about how fucking beautifully awful it is. It's on Netflix. If you haven't watched Almighty Thor, it's amazingly fucking just awful. It is. It's on Netflix. If you haven't watched Almighty Thor, it's amazingly fucking just awful. Yeah. It's an epic awful film. I've found another one. And this is, I've been doing this now on Netflix. I see these movies and I just watch them. Yeah. It's not free, but it's like free. Yeah. And it's the God Sun with Dom Delewese. It's brutal, dude. The God Sun, the opening of the God Sun is the most convoluted. I don't know what the fuck was. I'm watching you know, it is. Yeah, with Kevin McDonald's wearing that like Rastafarian wig.

No idea. Yeah, with Kevin McDonald's wearing that like rust-of-farion wig. Yeah, the guy from the kids in the hall is the godson. And I'm sitting there. Not even that, the guy's getting shot. He's banging a broad. Then he gets shot. Now he gets stabbed in the back. But that doesn't kill him.

He gets up and he gets laid into with fucking machine guns. That doesn't kill him. Then he jumps out a window. That doesn't kill him. He gets up and he gets laid into with fucking machine guns. That doesn't kill him Then he jumps out a window that doesn't kill him. He gets run over not hit and thrown over the roof run over the don't don't Yeah, on by the car and That doesn't kill him He slips because his shoelace wasn't tied and they do a flashback to the girl he was banging on

tie your shoelaces and then that you hear that again tie your shoelaces Tommy or whatever the fuck his name is he trips and hits his head on a fire hydrant dude it was yeah when that when I was watching that sequence I didn't. Dude, it was, yeah, when that, when I was watching that sequence,

I literally was sitting there going, like by the end of it, I was like, oh, I get it, he can't die. Is that what they're doing here? I didn't understand it. Like the way you just explained it, you're like, it makes sense when you explain it, but when you watch it, if you don't know what it is,

you're literally sitting there going, I don't understand what's going on. Why did they just shoot him and he's fine? Is he a superhero? What the fuck is going on here? Doesn't, it makes no sense. It's so bad. It's the worst, it's one of the worst movies of all time.

Now, I watched it for the same reason you probably did. The cover of the goddamn God Sun is Dom Delewies and Rodney Dangerfield. It's gotta be good. Yeah, I was like, this is gotta have something. It's two comic geniuses in a mob comedy movie. Then I turn it on as she kept him McDonald, who's one of my favorite guys from Kids in the Hall. He's fucking hilarious.

And kids in the hall, not in a snotty way, very smart humor. Yeah. Fuck it really sharp shit. I'm like, this is gonna be a good movie. This is gonna be the best. And then it was, oh my God. It is fucking heart-rocious. It's fucking bad. I didn't even get to where Dangerfield comes in! It's fucking PAD!

I didn't even get to where Dangerfield comes in. It's amazingly, but if you get to where... I didn't either. If you get to where Dangerfield comes in, you're a fucking superhuman. You're amazing. Please watch this fucking movie. It's fucking terrible.

It's awful. What was the... And the f- And Delewese is just doing his brand of impression in it. It's fucking terrible. It's awful. What was the... And the awful. And Delewese is just doing his brando impression in it. Which is great. He does a great brando, but it's like fucking. It's at the end of his career when he was,

you know, he didn't have that much energy. And it's fucking, Luforigno, isn't it? Yeah, oh boy And he already did the he already did the Brando godfather thing in Robin Hood men and tights So they already burned it's like you can't do an impression in two different movies Yeah, apparently you can I just want to know how much they got paid I I want to know what brought these people into this movie. What you know, people come to you and say, we got this script. We want you to have a fuck. Did you say yes?

What the fuck did somebody do? And when you're on something like that, making it, are you realizing that this just stinks? Or is the crew and people and everything that's good look at that's great This is I mean who the fuck? How the fuck did they get into it? It was it's so bad, dude I you know there's a good chance they don't Because so much shit can happen after you rap where they start changing shit and writing new stuff and adding stuff There's a chance it's a slim chance, but there's a slim chance that there was some,

some fucking sliver of hope that like, this, all right, this might be kind of funny, we'll make it funny, and then maybe they went and do shit. I literally was watching Kevin MacDonald and it like, did he do this as a joke? Like did he do this to be like to his buddies? Like, oh, you gotta see this fucking movie I'm doing, it's hilarious. Like, like, you know, as a wink to his pals, or was he hard up for a job, or was he like, I would be, Dom D'Aloy's danger failed, I'm

in. I don't give a shit. I just want to work with those guys. Because you do that. If somebody came to you and said, we're shooting this movie, dude, Bert Reynolds and Robert De Niro on it, you'd be like, yeah, I want to do it. Yeah, but even if it stinks, I want to do it. I just want to work with those guys. I guess, man. I mean, I look, when it comes to action drama thriller, maybe, but comedy, dude, you have to be real careful.

Because a bad comedy is is there's nothing worse Then a fucking bad comedy and this is is really bad So it's it's one of the worst movies ever if you make it the danger field god bless you I started fast forwarding to try to get to him and I still couldn't get to it That's my love Netflix you You can zip through it. I couldn't do it either. I did it with all my detour. I fast forwarded through a bunch of shit.

I had to shut it off. I had to hit stop. Yeah. Because I was getting mad. I was getting sad. Yeah. I just watched to switch it up. The movie called The End with Pertrenelts.

And Dom Delewese isn't that? Classic. end with hurt Reynolds and Dom Deloise isn't that? Classic. If Dom Deloise is one of the funniest fucking comic performers of our lifetime. Yeah. Him and that movie, when he comes in, and after Bert Reynolds commits suicide and he wakes up

and Dom Deloise is in a suit tie jacket with no pants on and tidy whiteies Sitting next to the bed talking to him and then he goes you a doctor. No, my doctor. It's one of the most Ep it's up there with zero mustell in the producers with Gene Wilde and they do the classic reveal He looks like he's in a suit. Yeah, cuz the top half are you a doctor? No, and then they do the reveal these Tidy what I always love the reveal where the guys and I wear pants that'll make me laugh every fucking time Yeah, he is fucking brilliant brilliant in it. Yeah, literally What two second literally two literally I'm not exaggerating. I took It's a quick story just to justify my point. I took

It's a quick story just to justify my point. I took a theater class once where this guy or as an acting class, and this guy, all he did was show us movie scenes and told us why what they were doing was brilliant. It was one of the best classes I ever took. He showed us the scene from the deer hunter where they're playing Russian roulette, where the Vietcong are making them do it. And he goes, he pauses, he goes, watch Robert De Niro right here. He goes from crying to laughing to screaming and three seconds flat. And he's really crying, tears come out of his eyes.

And he showed it, we kept her winding it. And that was the moment where I was like, I always knew he was good, but god damn, this fucking guy is sick. Like, this is a retardedly good actor. Eso era el momento en donde yo era como, yo siempre sabía que era bueno, pero, ¡Muño, esto es un hombre muy bien! Esto es un buen actor retarded. Bien y vive la emoción de la Navidad con Hicema Madrid. Malinche, guá, Juvenalia, circlásica, oro viejo, Christmas by Starlight, Bresch y muchos más para disfrutar con familia y amigos.

La Navidad cobra vida con Hicema Madrid. Entre Hicema.es y compra tu entrada. Hicema Madrid, siente la inspiración. He's the best comic cryer in the business. Fatso, he cries. Yeah. He cries in this one. He is fucking phenomenal. Don DeLouise crying. And he's got, and he's like, you know what he reminds me of like an old Yenthe Long Island mom. Yeah.

Yeah. He has that accent, that Italian accent from fucking, you know. He is fucking brilliant in it. She's got everything a guy wants. I was scared. I got to launch pizza. He's fucking describing the pizza to those fat fox from the fox it called waste watchers.

Yeah, no, the choppy checkers. What the pre-trap have on it. So fucking with him in the end, what about the polish? How do you tell? I have on it. So far, it was fun going with him in the end when he was about to polish. How do you tell? How do you get a polish man's identification by the shit in this wall? It is just that's crying.

Dude, he's fucking brilliant. He's fucking brilliant. If you haven't seen the movie, the end with Bert Reddells, it's a real slow movie, Sally Fields it and you see actually how it's fucking hot She is and so hot and that movie they do a pan down of her body whoo And back then for some reason in those movies the wife The ex-wife is always ugly you get I back then in movies, like in movies now they have the ex-wife and she's kind of

hot or cute or you can see why. Almost be like why would he cheat on her? She's so nice and pretty. But back then they used to make sure that when you're like why would Bert cheat? I know why. Look at that fucking guy dude. Yeah, when the ex-wife comes in in the end I was like confused for a second. I was like wait, that's his wife.

Yeah, that was it. She came in at the beginning though. like confused for a second. I was like wait that's his wife. Yeah that was it. She came into the beginning though. Or at the beginning. Yeah. No in the movie the end. Yeah in the out. Yeah. By the way two of those scenes we just did were from Fatso. Which one? I'll tell you the listeners. Yeah. The pizza scene isn't Fatso. That's not in the end. It's in Fatso. Yeah. But the wife was fucking atrocious in that movie. I'll tell you what to burr Reynolds directed it the end

very well directed great great camera work he really shoots the scenes without a lot of cuts so the actors can be in the moment and really any captures all the the of their physicality and the humor that'll seem to be getting his great dude where you just hear the doctor telling him he's gonna die. And he's in the fish tank.

Yeah. And let me tell you, Bert Reynolds is funny in this, too. Yeah, he's crazy. His laugh is the best laugh in the business. He's fucking... Well, I don't know how to do that. Yeah, he stopped doing it. The best laugh, I had sucks when the cool is the enemy of funny.

He got too cool. He's cool. Imagine Bert Reynolds being funny now. If he could go back to being funny Bert Reynolds. It'd be fucking awesome. Oh. That divorce changed him, man. When he divorced LaGlania Anderson, that was the end, man. He did an episode of Larry Sanders where he plays himself, where he lives next door to

Larry. Yeah. And Larry's like, hey, burn how you doing man? He's like, you know, It's kind of going through it. I divorce thing and he fucking he played like this is how depressed I am I was like I admired that that he did that and he's funny in the episode, but it's funny because of Him kind of being down, you know, it's it's it's just sucks if you could just do it if someone could just cast him being funny again Just being it sucks that Dom Deloies is dead, you know, Richard prior and and fucking and Gene Wiler at the end, you know, they started doing movies together Which kind of sucked, you know, I mean they weren't as good as they were Yeah, but still it was cool to see them to, you know, to be back to you.

How great would it be see fucking Dom Deloise and Bert Randall to be funny? It would have been great, man. It would have been great. I'll tell you what, bad movie, but again, up there with greatest comedic performances I've ever seen. The last movie, The Prior Wilder, did together, was called Another You. Was that the one that were blind? No, that's here in the evil scene, O'Eve.ll. Okay. Which is a good flick. I like that movie. That's not it. Another you, G Wilder plays a pathological liar that's getting

released from this fucking sanitarium. Yeah. Is that what it's called? The mental hospital. Whatever. And since the years ago, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, said it. And Richard prior plays a con man who's got to do community service. Yeah. And he gets assigned to to ask for Gene Wilder around. And they get roped into this con where these guys are trying to give the money, but it's because they're giving the money to con them in some way. Right. And Richard prior wants to go for it. But Gene Wilder's like, dude, I can't do this, I can't lie, because all hell is gonna break loose.

And then finally like 20 minutes in, they do the fucking scene and the restaurant where Gene Wilder finally snaps and starts lying. And it's one of the funniest fucking scenes I've ever seen in a movie. I've never seen that. I gotta check that. The movie's forgettable, but that scene, Gene Wilder,

he's doing all that fucking crazy You know when he screams shit. He looks like a lunatic. Yeah, he's doing all that shit. It's so he's he's fucking funny Gene wild in the producers that opening scene where he made zero must tell I had an act to teach you do the same thing We're actually doing a play back in Boston. It was the first time I actually got hired for a legitimate off-brid way play. Big production, producers and all that shit were involved. It was four dogs in a bone, which was, I think, John Patrick Shanley or some shit.

The guy who did moon struck. Oh, yeah. Well, he wrote a play basically about the business, fucking, you know, John Patrick Shanley or some shit. The guy who did moon struck. Oh, yeah. Well, he wrote a play basically about the business, fucking, you know, because all the bullshit that happened to him after moon struck and after became famous. Right. He wrote a play for dogs on the boners,

basically about a producer who's a fucking scumbag and two actresses who are fucking just, just, to Twatt Cunt, actresses who are fucking after him for, you know, trying to fuck their way to the top. Right. And him, being an I played him who was the writer. And it's a real funny play. But when we're doing it, the guy who's the producer

was supposed to be crazy and like zero mustel, that type of producer, that energetic, we got to get this done. And this guy, someone, I guess, his voice coach had told me he has to stop doing that because his voice, and he would come in and he would do the scenes very calm. And the director was like, what the fuck, do it the way you did it when you auditioned?

Right. And he was like, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna be there. You just have to let me get there myself. As an, you know, I can't, I don't think the character would, I think the character, and he was like, fuck you. And what you think, this is my play, my money. Right.

I, and he, was it the guy that wrote it? No. Oh, it's just the right. This is what we were just doing it right as a remake of you know the play yeah And this guy who wouldn't fuck he'd do it good and then the next day fucking go back to his way right over and over So he brought in the producers and he showed us the scene and he was and he showed zero Mastell going yeah, you know, you know flipping out in the way he was like that's what you have to do that little not even a line read I want you to do with this guy's doing it got to that point and he didn't and the fucking thing failed and it two weeks into it it was like fucking over because

this guy just fucking sucked that's all it sucks bad dude fucking sucks bad, but You know gene wilder said on inside the actor studio they talked about that scene and the energy between them Yeah, and how believably like afraid gene wilder is right a gene wilder said it. Yeah, he goes it's because your must-deal kept hitting on me Off screen He was like making passes at me and it was making me very uncomfortable. And he's like, so I just brought it all into the scene. I got what I was playing off of like this guy once Dev's sexualed me. That's fucking great. Zero Monstels are fucking little little. I mean, you get careful. No, I mean, I'm not careful. Well, no, I mean, I'm not gonna say anything bad, but it's just funny that that would gene wilder was his type. That's a definite fetish.

Yeah, you know what I mean? That's not the average gay guy's type. Yeah. Gene wilder, you know. Yeah, it's so funny. It's like all the three studios mixed into one fucking hair. No, okay. Go ahead, no, go ahead.

Let's just say, you know what's crazy? I did a pilot for comedy central. That's crazy. Yeah, that's fucking nuts. You know, some people make mistakes, cast me in things. I did a pilot for comedy central years ago that didn't go obviously, or else you would have known about it.

That's not crazy. But one of the... It wouldn't be doing this podcast. Yeah, you're gonna hit show Even if it wasn't a hit you wouldn't be friends with anybody your friends with now. It's true. There's fucking true absolutely I'd have my own place. Yeah, I owned yep somewhere. Yeah, all your friends would wear cookie hats and skinny jeans Right no, that's not girls with unconditioned hair and fucking hair under their armpits I wouldn't do that yeah you would you'd be you'd be you'd be you're dying to be friends with hipsters no my friends would just be people that say nice things to me

all the time yeah so that you and burr out actually everybody you know it is out out everybody's out everyone you would do ONA Yeah, probably that would probably have to stop that be done if He'd be done you'd be on NPR Joe. What do you well? You know, it's interesting Well, you explain your process again for another 30 minutes. Absolutely my acting acting teacher one time said to me, he brought it, you know the movie, Dear Hunter? Yeah. He said, stop, right there, right there, right there.

He cried, laughed, and screamed, and that's when I knew that's what I wanted to be. You got into the character. Ah, I didn't do it. I do. I know, shit, I'm sitting on something. Oh, my story. Yes, your story.

Producer. One of the producers and creators and writers of the pilot was this kid Max Brooks, who wrote that book World War Z, which is getting turned into a movie now, it's turning Brad Pitt, which is fucking crazy. But he was a writer for NASA. Now his dad is Mel Brooks. He's Mel Brooks and... uh... but he was right for us now is that is male brook's he's male brook's and uh... so it's not that crazy that it's getting made what's your what's your name the and bankrupt he was the only kid that they had

together so uh... the stories do that this kid had when he said to me what he was to telling me all these stories, but not in a braggie way, I would ask him, what was this like, what was this like, and he would tell you stories. And he just said one day he goes, yeah, it was kind of fucked up, like it was crazy. You know, growing up, like my Thanksgiving dinner table, it was like literally the cast from Cannonball run. Yeah, he's like literally Thanksgiving would be like Bert Randle's Dom Deloise, Charles

Nelson Riley. Like a couple football players. You know, fucking nuts. You know, and he was telling me about blazing saddles. How Richard Prior was supposed to play the guy. He was supposed to play the sheriff and wouldn't have been as good as the writer. What wouldn't have been as good. Are you? it would have been gene wilder and Richard prior in blazing saddles would have been as good oh dude that's crazy man they didn't can't because he was an unknown Richard prior is too much of a presence to play that role

it's too much of a presence to play that role that guy was just enough he was he wasn't as big as Gene Wilde, Gene Wilde need to be the guy. That guy was perfect for that role. He wasn't as rich a prior would have, he would have been too big for that role, dude. That guy was just subtle enough to play it. I don't think he would have been good in that. I call, I call I called Nothing nothing on that I don't know I don't know if I agree or disagree So I just wasn't gonna have wasted opinion for the sake of it. Okay

But I called Max one day because we had to go over shit. We were shooting yeah Monday, so I called him on a Saturday And he was on L.A. Right. He goes, yeah, we're talking. He's like, I'm flying in tomorrow. He goes, hey, dude, hold on a second. Let me give you a landline. My cell phone's gonna die. I'm like, all right, he gives me this landline. I call it. This guy picks up the phone, hello.

And then Max picks up and he's like, hello. And then this guy's like, hello. And he's like, dad, I got it. I got it. And he's like, oh, sorry, Maxi. Click. He's like, sorry, dude, I'm on my dad's house. Anyway, listen So, and I literally had to sit there and be like composed

Right. I just wanted to be like that was fucking hell, brook And I keep can't like I just was like, uh-huh. That's all your dad. Yeah, right? I deleted the number Immediately because you didn't want to call I did not want to have that even in my head. I did that. That was my phone. Get those numbers out. That's like a chick that's too hot to be with. You got a deleted number. Yeah. It's your caller. God. You'll be your caller. You get a hot chick's number that's out of your league. You got to just delete that number and let her call you so you can go, who's this? Yeah, she goes, it's me. Oh, it's up. And she always has to call.

I used to delete hot chicks numbers all the time because I'd be like, I had three in the morning. What are you thinking about? Are you up? Just what you didn't know. I really had fun seeing you the other night. Oh, some lame texts like that. Hey, maybe you want to get a drink sometime.

Oh, yeah. I had that last week actually. I did that the shows with Larry and Lenny Clark and Kenny Rodgerson. I actually did a podcast with them. And you know, it's just a sidetrack for a second. Some, some people, you know, because I do podcasts without you sometimes. And it's not because I don't want you on the podcast. You're on the podcast whenever I can have you on,

but this podcast, one of the things about it is that, and I made sure that even with this new system that I can do it anywhere. I can be anywhere anytime and do a podcast with anybody. And just sometimes you're not around or whatever. But when you're around, and we try to do what at least once a week together here, similar to this, this is what the podcast really is doing this shit

and having people come in here. But sometimes I get, I would call them interviews, where I get to interview these comics that, oh, these people that I don't regularly see and That's why some guy was a key easy Joe out of the podcast. No, it's not easy Joe. I like I liked that the fans are revolting though It's poor. It's singular not plural. It was one guy But no, I mean it's just you know you know, that's what this podcast is. It isn't a once a week thing where we're gonna discuss topics.

It's whatever the fuck it is. And sometimes they're angry, but I got to be those guys. I was in awe, dude. I was just sitting there letting them talk. Because these guys are fucking legends. Like I heard stories and I'm telling these stories and I'm sitting there like what the fuck Like looking at Lenny Clark and and Kenny Rajasin and Larry came in halfway through and started yelling at me Like yeah, you fucking have a podcast. You don't invite me on it. It's like I didn't know you'd want like I didn't want to get a no

Jesus that's awesome man. That's awesome when shit like that happens. Oh my God, they're with, you know, so fucking weird is that they actually, you know, they've done so, they lived a life that we didn't get to live together. That I didn't get to live with Patrice, a Norton or you or a burr or a dainty. Yeah.

Because, you know, we don't do, they did coke and fucking drugs and drink and, and they fucking it fucked and parted. They all lived in the same house and every, dude, they would tell me like the cab driver, there was a cab driver. He had a key to the apartment. Yeah. You know, all this crazy shit.

And then I asked them, you know, do you regret any of it? And they're like, yeah, we do. Because we could have, they ruined opportunities. They fucking ruined, they fucked up so many opportunities where they could have been huge. And because of their fucked up ways, I was just like, you know, you never hear it. No one ever goes, nah, it's usually,

dude, I'd do it all over again. Right. It was a blast. And they're like, yeah, no, I fucking usually, dude, I'd do it all over again. Right. It was a blast. And they're like, yeah, no, I fucking stop. I wouldn't have done it. Such a wild thing. That's so cool, man. When I was, when I was in college,

do you hear that quake? Yeah, I heard you're fucking wet hot asshole. When I was in college, okay. I love that, everything goes back to college for you. Well, it's gonna lead up to this thing. Okay, I love that everything goes back to college for you. Well, it's gonna lead up to this. Okay, go ahead. But I was in college This my friend that I used to get we used to get really stone together a lot and one day we were waiting to go out to a party and Another guy goes you guys got to come to my dorm room before the party

We're gonna listen to Dennis Leary, no cure for cancer. And I was like, okay, why, why? And he's like, you just have to hear it. Because I just, I knew who Leary was, you know what I mean? But it was just when that had come out, you know? So I just knew he was a comic. I didn't know anything about him. But my friend kept being like, you gotta hear it.

And I was like, all right, let's listen to it. Dude, that album, we listen to it over and fucking over again. We would laugh our fucking balls off at it. It was one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life. And then you flash forward, however many Christ, man, 20, not 20 years, no, 14 years later, whatever it is.

man, 20, not 20 years, no, 14 years later, whatever it is. We're working, we're being managed by Apostle, which is Leary and CERPACO's company, and we're working directly with Leary on some stuff, and it's like, and it's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. And then we're at, and then so this is, it all comes to a head head with We're at Tribeca. It was when you were out of town Yeah, it was and we went to one of the award shows and Leary's there presenting right and me and Billy are standing outside and all of a sudden Bar derausa back get over here and we look over and it's leery and we go over and It was the fucking coolest feeling of like just it was it was I hate to say magical dude

I know that's okay, but like say it we're same magical. We're standing there fans fans are coming up to Dennis Right go ahead. I love all right. Don't let the alarm interrupt the story. This is the fucking this is it This is the cry. I'm sorry. It's the alarm for the show. All right. That's the the alarm interrupt the story. This is the fucking, this is it. This is the crime. I'm sorry, it's the alarm for the show. That's the new thing on the show that we're out an hour. All right, can I? All right, go ahead. The dickhead.

Dickhead. Hi, this is the Joe alarm. Yeah, yeah, okay. It's the derosa. All right, I know you love that that went off for the middle of my story. It fucking, but he calls us over and we're standing there laughing with Leary.

Laughing are balls off of shit, being guys. People are coming up to Leary. Dennis, I love rescuing me. You know, and I felt like, man, we get to be the guys standing here. I've met famous people before I ever worked in entertainment or anything like that. And they were with people.

And I'd always go, who's that guy that gets to talk to that guy? as people before I ever worked in entertainment or anything like that. Right. And they were with people. And I'd always go, who's that guy that gets to talk to that guy? Yeah. And I was like, I'm that guy, right now. And I finally got to be like, we started talking about all that shit. Ah, the 80s, everybody's gonna blow up. And I finally got to be like Dennis, dude. No cure for cancer, holy Christ.

I go, the fucking coke joke you did where you go. You would hang out people you hate and you go if Hitler I'd coke there would have been Jews in the bathroom with them. Yeah, I like it my stage You know and me and Burr and him were just laughing so hard I was like my god, dude. I'm like this is so fucking cool dude I was off state I watched a set and he's got some jokes man. I mean he's fucking got he still gives it He's still getting the greatest part is is he's out there He's got all his bandmates all the guys in the band. He's known for 30 years all the comics

He's known for fucking 30 years and he brings them on tour pays everybody great and then he gives the rest of the money to charity His comedy is for fuck, he does for charity and to help his friends out. It's fucking crazy. And he still goes out there for 45 minutes and just kills it. He still got the energy. He's out there fucking killing.

He told us, bear joke about seeing a bear in his backyard. Fucking hilarious. I don't give a shit what you say about Larry. Go fuck yourself. He's funny man. He's funny shit. Funny shit. Funny funny funny man. It's shit's funny and it's definitely his style and Lenny. I love fucking Lenny's and a nice guy in the business Kenny Rajasin. It was fucking crazy. I was smiling for a week just like a fanboy but it also was cool to go on stage and hit that gear and switch into killer and go up there and kind of be as professionally right with them, you know,

like go up there and just annihilate and be as funny as everybody else on the show. And that was, that was a cool moment to sit there with these guys, but then go out there and fucking level the joint, and they're like, well, dude, you're fucking hilarious. It's like, wow, Dennis Larry said I was fucking, Lenny Clark was like, dude, kid, you're fucking hilarious. That was like a moment where- A fucking cool is that, man.

It was crazy. It was fucking cool, is that? Fucking crazy. We gotta wrap it up here, but because the Joe D alarm went off. But can you at least say the positive thing that you said about the alarm before we got on the podcast today, or is that just you're not even going to mention that? What is that? That you felt that an hour was a good amount of time. Well, here's what happens with I did

a podcast a couple of weeks ago with our reshe fear. It was a two amount of time. Well, here's what happens with, I did a podcast, a couple of weeks ago with Ari Schaffer. It was a two-hour podcast because we just couldn't stop talking. One, I was exhausted, I was tired. And when I get tired, it's probably the best time for me to do a podcast because that's when I'm just, just say whatever. And he was stoned out of his fucking tree

on pot brownies and pot breath strips. So, you know, we just went on and on. It was a great podcast. And, but then, you know, we, you know, the, what happens sometimes at the end, not really with me and you, sometimes me and you kind of talk for an hour or so, and then it's a, it's a wrap because of our chemistry as fucking great. We just know how to run the same page, right? but You know sometimes at around an hour and it's like comedy I always say a show a good show is an hour and a half

That's why when they you do a club in the the MC's doing 20 and the middle is doing 30 It's like no fuck you you doing 10. He's doing 20 and I'm doing an hour because that's what I'm that's what I'm paid to do as a headliner You should do an hour right and an hour and a half show is perfect physically people can't laugh For more than an hour and a half people who do these two three hour shows. It's just ridiculous and self-serving I think but the podcast Nothing No, I came out. Oh. I hope you shit your pants. But I think a pot. I shit my pants today. A pot. See, this is this is where we go

stray. Yeah, I know. I'm just saying that a podcast an hour, hour 15 is a perfect podcast. Anything over that an hour and a half to us has to be split up whatever. But you, but I would like to talk about shitting your pants because I've I've almost shit my pants a couple times in last couple weeks. Oh, yeah, I almost shit my pants today. Today. Yeah, I left the gym The whole time by the way that I'm doing anything with my legs at the gym. I'm like I'm gonna fart at any second Which I wouldn't care about but I'm working with this trainer for a couple sessions. It's like I don't want to do that in front of them 30 awkward enough that I'm training with a man who's, it was a perfect human specimen. And then he massages me at the end of it. No, he doesn't.

And you just have to. The lion. I'm not lying. He what? All the trainers there, they massage you at the end of it. Where? At ballies. They stretch you out after.

On a table? Yeah, they lay you lay down they roll that thing over your back that what are you a fucking 85-year-old Jew from the sixties they do it to you so you don't cramp up and shit they stretch you out Yeah, you know what else you can do you can also stretch yourself like a fucking man He does it. I'm not complaining. Yeah, you go. Hey. I got it. I got it You just lie on your back or on your belly both. Oh God it is awkward every time when he goes flip over because it's like when the Asian girl says it to you And then the joint turned over and flip over and he oh Fucking Jesus Christ

You just fucking yeah, well anyway anyway what ah you fight you have the shorts where you ball sack can hang out Where are these shorts? I wear like cargo shorts you wear cargo shorts. We're the shorts that I'm wearing right now to the gym Yeah, a heavy canvas the curtain it doesn't fucking matter dude. All right. Well, it doesn't matter Yeah, apparently to you. It doesn't matter. You have a guy I have a belt on at the gym. No, you don't yeah on the shorts Well, this is what I worded the gym this you wear that's a fucking Navy belt. Yeah All right, go ahead. It's fine. It doesn't prevent anything. No, you just look like a shit deck I look like a dude in the gym. No, you look like a guy that's never been to the gym That's fine with me. I don't care

Oh, it's a fucking fact Let me see that I'd rather I want them to look at me and go he's never been here So when I'm lifting 20 pounds on the easiest machine they have sympathy You know, they're not if I'm all decked out and I'm doing that they're gonna be like who's this fucking asshole? I know it good point good point guy. Yeah, so like who's this fucking asshole? I, but you know, at good point, at good point, got it. Yeah, so, yeah, I'm just about like at any minute, I'm gonna fucking cut ass.

And I left today, I don't know what happened, dude, but I left and I was walking across the street back to my building and I was like, holy shit, I have to shit right now. And I, I ran in, and now. And I got ran in. And of course, it's like a fucking, like you're trying to do something illegal. Everything trips you up, you know, the supers there.

Hey Joe, the bifurcated. Yeah, yeah, all right, all right, go fuck yourself. I gotta go. I'm standing at the elevator. The elevator's on G, and I'm on one, but the light says it's on G. I'm sitting there, I'm going, going come on come on come on the one floor. I like I can't hold it It skips one goes all the way up to the pet house Then comes back down and the time it does that one of my neighbors walks in and starts talking to me

It was like worst dude. I ran into my apartment. I sat like you know when you the second you sit It's like One of those dude it was so close. You're ass pukes. It was so close dude. I had to when the neighbor got off the elevator, I had to for the last two floors, I had to pace around in the elevator to take my mind off of it because I was like if I look at the floors I'm going to shit my pants. I had to pace around and talk to myself so I

wasn't thinking about it. Brutal, dude. Shit in your pants, there is a freedom to it. There is something about it that just frees you up psychologically when you just say fuck it and let the shit come out. It's like sometimes when you go in the rain, it's raining out and everybody's hiding in the fray in the rain, it's raining out and everybody's hiding and afraid of the rain, but you go, I've actually said it's rain. It doesn't hurt and I just walk through the rain and get soaked and wet, and I just let the rain hit me. There's something freeing about that where you're like, it's just rain. When have you shit your pants like that? I've just shit. Like, I I've shit I know a guy. What the fuck the guy you know when did you shit your pants like that? Where the fuck

were you that you were like I don't have a bathroom option right now. I shit in the cab once I just I shit I let a little shit I just was like fuck it and I just let it out. Why? Because I wasn't gonna make it and I didn't want to fucking have that stress and I just shit Come on, man, don't you? Yeah, I've shit. I mean, I told you I have that joke of my aquarized shit on my wife But that was accident that was an accident. Yeah, but I mean I kind of knew. Yeah, I've shit a couple times. I've shit on the couch here. Look, you know, I just

had a bad stomach and I just shit on the couch in your own house. Yeah, but it didn't hit the couch. I shit my pants. Why wouldn't you get up and go to the bathroom Bob? Well, I just I guess I don't know. It's not that I didn't I intention. I guess that wouldn't count. I've only shit intentionally where I'm like just a fuck it maybe twice in my life. I've shit my pants a lot of times. I said it before and I'll say it again. You never cease to discuss me. I didn't know you it's oh my god man. It's not my thing. I don't know but I'm just saying there's something freeing psychologically when you're like yeah I got a shit. Yeah I thought the story after that was gonna be like we were in the fucking woods hiking dude it was like that it was

not like a deal. I don't live in a deal not on my I was on my couch it didn't want to walk concrete jungle Joe um all right we're gonna wrap this up I um the one thing we have the donate button I just want to let people know you don't have to donate a couple people have donated they've gotten the CD which is Robert Kelly live my first album if you donate uh it's you know it helps It helps to keep the shit going. A lot of stuff that I'm planning on doing and maybe getting this thing live so that you can listen to it live, maybe call in.

There's a lot of stuff we're trying to do. It all helps towards that. But you know what, this is always going to be free. You never have to fucking pay for a nickel if you don't want to You just listen to it. It's you can just fucking hit the button. We're never gonna charge for this. It's It's cut to If you want the episode with Dennis Larry, it's a dollar So there's a donate button on there some people people email me like, dude, I don't have

the cash. Don't fucking even give the shit. The ones that did your fucking much appreciated. And the ones that don't, it's much appreciated too. Who gives a shit? This is the, you know what dude? Podcast me and Joe D'Arosa, my fucking palsy, walsy. Oh boy. Uh, the co-hosts, let's call you co-host. Thank you. You know what's, no, no, that's nice. All right, so what's the face? Why is the eyebrow up? Because I was saying it like, not that I expected you to call me co-host, but you know, you kept saying third mic the other day.

And that was more of a like, thank you for not calling me third mic. I appreciate that. That's all. Second mic mic I'm fine with how about red mic you have the red mic bomb well no dude I I I I I I would say co-host you know this is a certain chemistry we have Joe we both know how to do radio we brought we both know how to talk shit and there's other podcasts out there. You know who's got a podcast now Jay Moore Yeah, you were saying it's very funny very funny really funny Jay Moore is meant to be on radio. I know he's a fucking movie star and all that shit But he's meant to get he's got the gift to gap he can get and the guy can do voices

He did the first one he did I listen to his first podcasts with Barron Caps and it's fucking hilarious. But I'll say it, man, I don't give a fuck what you think about Jay. On the radio, a guy who can do a call in and kill, that's fucking talent. And he always, sometimes like, why is everybody so quiet? It's not out of fuck you or it's because, dude. What are we gonna say what what could I possibly say? Right you just did three dead-on impressions non-stop for 20 minutes and killing what am I gonna jump in with a fucking one-liner?

Yeah, his colon is Unfuckin believable So yeah his podcast is really good. It's actually number one. He went right to the fucking top. His is good. You know, and Billy Burst is fucking Monday morning podcast is fucking great. Yes. I know I'm supposed to promote the glory hole network. And I look, I do. The great podcasts on glory hole, but those those two podcasts are really good that are out there. Check them out. I suggest checking them out. And that's it, dude. We're headed to Montreal. We're gonna try to get a bunch of fucking good podcasts

up there, maybe some controversy. Yeah, that's gonna be fun. I look forward to it. And yes, into the listeners, I will be drunk on those podcasts. That's what we're headed for. I know you're gonna be drunk on those podcasts, Joe, what we're headed for. I know you're going to be drunk on those podcasts, Joe, but I want to do one night is this. I want to stay up all day. No naps, no nothing. Come over your house late night and do one where I'm exhausted and

you're just shit faced. Yeah, let's do it. Of course. Yeah, because I think I think that that would be an we'll call it an experiment. Let's do it. Yeah. Let's do it, man. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if we get you drunk while the podcast is going. Oh, we we time it correctly to where you had a few before we start and then it will kick in. I think you should start after the drunk. I think it should start right with. Here we are, he's frying and I'm tired. I think it should start there. And I will gladly drink through the rest of the podcast.

And in Montreal, we have to do, we have to have Joe and his cock have to show up. We have to get one of those. We gotta get somebody with that. And we gotta get some CERPACO. We gotta get CERPACO. Oh some cervical. We got to get cervical or Conan Conor Smith. You know, Conan's listens all the time. Yeah. Hey shit. We that now we blew it Now we can't get Conan with this. We'll get it with them. We can get them all

Do it. We're gonna get somebody. No, I'm not doing it. No. Yeah, you really? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no fucking lobby bar right now. And he did it and he, he was, he was, he was, he then was took him to jail there. We had to talk the hotel. It was just a funny, it's fucking big. He went into the bathroom. He's like, all right, here's what we're gonna do.

You get that elevator down to the ground floor because it was across the lobby, because I'm gonna run out naked, have my clothes waiting for me in the elevator, right? And he goes, I'm gonna run on, I'll get in and it'll be good. But they were glass elevators all the way up so you can see. He fucking runs out streaking. The place goes nuts, everybody's cheering and shit, right?

He comes around, fucking two security guards, dart into the elevator and get into it. And through the glass elevator, you see our friend Pete walked right into it totally naked with his little fucking button dick And you see the doors closed and the fucking elevator go up and they wouldn't let him put his clothes on He's at the stand there. So I was a little fucking ass Does one of the funniest things that I've ever seen and then they walked them down dressed and we had to we had to Had to beg the hotel not to call the police and they didn't. Dude I had I had you know Bruce fine little midget comic. Yeah, he had a midget but he's a small small guy hangs out with the Wayne's good guy. I

actually middle for him in Laughlin Nevada at the Harris whatever improv and we're you know we're in the lobby and after the show this smoking hot 18-year-old 19-year-old blonde with her boyfriend all over me all over me and Bruce Fein because she went to the show and he doesn't give a fuck he's one of those you know whatever guys those California show me a tit's but she's like whipping out of tits and then she goes you show me your cock and I go show me your fun. I want to see your ass in your box She goes all right. She picks up. They wanted to fucking fuck around too by the way They wanted to like he wanted to watch her get banged Jesus Christ. Okay. She picks up her

Sundress perfectly tan legs takes her fucking panties down and shows her asshole and her perfect little pussy. Within seconds, nine security guards, grab her. And the manager pulls out, you're 86 from the hotel, pack your shit, get the fuck out. To you? To her. She wanted me to show my cock.

So I was like seconds away of pulling my putt out. I don't know if I would have done it. Oh, you would have been fucked. Dude, my fucking dawn was coming up that day to visit me. She was spending like the last two days with me up there. If I had pulled my dick out, if I, I don't know if I would have done it, I don't know if I wouldn't have. I'm not saying, but if I had, if she got away with that,

and then she's like now show me Your dick and I pulled my cock out just and I got 80 smadging if I got 86 from the hotel and the gig I'd be fucked So many ways she would have showed up and I'd be like I we got to go Jesus Christ dude. Oh my God. Thank God. I didn't they fucking tossed her out Christ her friend had the flu in the bed. They tossed her out too They tossed the sick girl out. They went up to the hotel had a packer man with she she was bullshit in the middle of Lovlo Nevada too she was like sir can she was begging crying and They were like if you don't fucking leave now we're calling Metro

You're going to Vegas spending the weekend in jail there. It's Friday.'ll be there till Monday. They had to go up pack their shit and leave. Oh my god man. Fuck. What happened to Vegas? What? What happened to Vegas? You used to be able to do shit like that out there. This is Laughland not in Laughland. Well how I mean was close to Vegas? No, it's closed but not it's a totally different vibe All right, but anyways, we're on a 120 we got to go that's another episode You know what do podcasts me and Joe de Rosa Joe at Joe de Rosa comedy on Twitter And he's got you got anything else to besides Twitter Yeah, you know Joe de Rosa comedy on Facebook Joe de Rosa comedy dot com

All right, that's enough. Yeah, it's you know, Joe Dero is a comedy on Facebook. Joe Dero is a comedy.com All right, that's enough. Yeah, it's you know phone numbers 917 all right His address is a five Thanks for listening thanks for all the responses on Twitter and Facebook and make sure you subscribe on iTunes spread the fucking word and leave a nice review The ones I've been reading with fantastic. We'll see you guys next time take care Make sure you subscribe on iTunes, spread the fucking word, and leave a nice review. The ones I've been reading with fantastic. We'll see you guys next time.

Take care. Thanks again for listening to another episode. If you know what, dude, podcast on gloryholeradio.com, and make sure to check out all the other shows on the Glory Home Network. If you're using the Stitcher app, type in the word FART when you register. ITuneUsers, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. If you're a real fan of the show and you want to show your support, go to GloryholeRadio.com slash Robert Kelly and hit the Donate button.

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