Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Michelin-possible | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #72

Episode Date: September 23, 2026

CHAPTERS:00:00 - Remembering 9/11 22:07 - Selling 9/11 photos and fruit snacks 36:40 - Business Luis 41:13 - Capital Grill Wine Locker 43:55 - What Would Luis Do 45:46 - Capital Grill Wine Locker: The Continuation 50:37 - Steve Rennaziz Ansari 52:41 - Motorcycle/Bike/Moped Stories 1:11:47 - Max and James growing up 1:20:36 - AI vs Art: Part 647 1:32:01 - Moving in with a Girlfriend 1:37:09 - Head Tattoo 34L 1:42:26 - Conclusion Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder discuss 9/11 and how they remember that day, if selling 9/11 photos and fruit snacks is disrespectful, business Luis, getting a wine locker at Capital Grill, how they’re scared of motorcycles, their kids growing up, AI vs Art, if moving in with a girlfriend is a good idea, and more! Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital.  LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz/id1700969607 SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/ https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/  https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/  SPONSORS  QuinceFor free shipping on your order and 365-day returns go to https://www.Quince.com/REGZ UltraDon’t sleep on @ultrapouches. New customers get 15% off with code REGZ at https://takeultra.com #UltraPouches #ad INDACLOUDIf you’re 21 or older, get 30% OFF your first order @ IndaCloud with code REGZ at https://inda.shop/REGZ #indacloudpod BodyBrain Coffee Use code REGZ10 to get 10% off coffee and creamer and get a FREE gift https://www.BodyBrainCoffee.com/ GLDNew customers get 40% off with code REGZ at http://GLD.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, what's going on, Regs fans? Guess what? December 12th. Oh, I'm shooting my special. I'm going back to New England. I've never done a special in New England. I've never done a theater special. And I'm doing it all.

I can't wait. I can't wait. I'm opening. I'm doing the warm up. It's going to be fun as hell. Providence. You around? Probably.

Great a book yourself. Providence, Rhode Island. That beautiful-ass theater. It's the uptown theater. Our boys got it. They refurbished it. It's moving on. up moving on up to providence

providence bobby's finally got a special in a theater they got it back good moving on up December 12th joe 1212 is a motherfucking date oh 1212 12 12 is a good date that is a good day you'll never forget it 12 12 12 that's what the day my dad died and it's the day bobby kills dude bobby killed dan's dad and bring a back we'll do a seance after

the special. Yeah. He'll come into your body. He'll use you as a vessel. I'll come into your buddy. My dad'll bust in your ass. Dude, your fucking dad's ghost is shooting ghostes. Oh, fuck him here, Bobby.

December 12th, go to Uptown Comedy Club, pvd.com. Get your tickets now. A lot of the VIPs, I think, are gone, but there's a couple left, and it's selling fast. So get your tickets. I want you guys to be there. Everybody, New York. From, what? It's not Uptown Comedy Club.

Uptown theater The theater Uptown.com Talking to Mike Uptown PVD What is it Uptown PVD dot Sounds like a porn category

Uptown PVD It's all black POV You get from a porn star You got PVD You know no Uptown PVD Uptown PVD You know what that is

All right So make sure you guys go I really want to see you guys all there All right And back to the show Fill her up You're listening to the Gas Digital Network We're ready.

Look into his eyes. Ready. You can start up. What's up, everybody? We're back. It's the regs. We got Joe List, Dan Soda, Lewis, J. Gomez, and me, Robert Kelly.

What's up, boys? What are you doing? Happy 25th anniversary, 9-11. Let's get into it. We miss you. It's past. It's days ago. This isn't coming out for another week.

This is coming out of 9-11. It's the month. It's the month. It's a month. You get a month. What are you? What are you, a hot girl's birthday? Ah, forget it. Bad topic.

No, it's a great topic. There's not tons of stuff to talk about it. Because we got two Boston guys here. I was thinking about this. As I'm rollerblading the other night. Which I can't believe you did. I did it. I rollerbladed.

I made it all the way from the Chelsea Hotel up the west side highway across the George Washington Bridge. Before we get into it, how so where you? How many days? Sower? How so are? Dan Sower. I'm sorry to talk like a widow kid now.

My, I wasn't that bad. Just the next couple days, my hips, my knees, my back, my ankle. My pussy and your crack. Everything hurt. My neck, my back. My pussy and my crack. Danny's joke. It's what?

It's Danny's joke. Well, it's a song. It's a song. I'm saying what Danny's saying his head right now. That's my joke. Oh. Well, Danny, it's a... Now people are going to think, I got it from the regs.

No, Danny, it's a popular song by... And anytime, we've all made that joke on every podcast. Every time you say, my head and my back, he always says... We grew up in the fucking 90s. Danny, you're kind of a heck. Yeah. Your pussy and your hack.

That one's off the back. That one was over the fucking wall. That fucking body brain's kicking in. Body brain, baby. It's like, why is you drinking Starbucks? Because I already had my body brain, you fucking. You have when you wake up. You can't have too much.

You can't have too much. I'll have it all day. Don't do that. You go, please don't drink too much of it. If you drink too much, your hair will literally fall out. Really? Don't get only, if you overdose and Tongan got out of you have too much of it. Why are you saying this recorded?

Yeah. Why are you saying? Don't have too much. And with the smoothest head I've ever seen. What do you think? I had hair before I started of this company. The two guys that drink body graeme.

I've never had a sip. Look at this. Me either. It's definitely not because of a surgery. Guys, look into what Tonkat Ali can do for you. It makes you dick hard, but it also make your hair fall. It makes you too much of a man, dude. Turn you into Rogan.

Yeah, or Mr. Clean. Yeah. So, yeah, we did that. That was great. We filmed it. It was so fun. Go check out the video. But I was talking, there was a guy from Boston there,

and I was talking to him as well. It's so funny because you remember 9-11. It was like the scary, was anybody in New York City yet? I wasn't. I was not. Were you here yet? I was, uh, I was filming a TV show on the Jersey Shore. And I could see the smoke.

No, it was. You were Snooky? Bobby Snooky, we find out. That's crazy. I go, he's chocolate chip snooky. Yeah. I was in my trailer and listening to Howard. And all of a sudden he started talking about it.

I thought it was a bit. I just listened to it this week. I thought it was a bit. It was crazy. And then we went on the beach and you could see the smoke from where we were. Wait, read that.

What does that say about Tom Cadilly? Improves sexual health. My dick has never been harder. Anyway. Focus. What about the 9-11 stuff? I need lines made for the focus, though. The Howard still reminds me of a thought.

I want to make sure I get out there in a second. Yeah, I remember that. And they wouldn't let us back in the, they were trying, anybody with a car, they were like, you guys, they had to put all of us up in motels or hotels. Sure. And they were like, anybody of a car,

you guys can go. And I was like, I'm not driving to that. I don't know what that is. You drive towards the terrorist attack. Yeah, I go, I'm not. You could have driven into the city on 9-11? No, not. Well, they shut the tunnels down after like an hour.

No, the crew was like, just go. For days. I was like, no. The reason I rollerbladed home was because there was no cars in and from the city. So how did you get out? Like the, but they let you, you through because you're on rollerblades? On 9-12. They went, hey, fuck it.

Check this guy. Hey, hey, Sodge. I got a guy rollerbladed it is. Saude, you there? Saage? Saug. Oh, no. He responded.

Oh, thudge. Help. Help. I was fucking mean. But I was thinking about it. Like, you know, it was a crazy thing, like to, like, New York bounced back so quick. Like, New York Strong was, like, a real thing.

And, like, you felt it. Like, I went into the comedy clubs a week later. Like, people were doing jokes about it. It made me falling love with comedy. But then fucking the ball. Boston Marathon bombing happened. We did, you know what, dude. It's insane.

I'm a survivor. The fact that they, I know. Three people got their toes blown off, and you guys are comparing it to fucking 9-11. It's actually insane. Who compares it to 9-11? They never. Boston Strong, they stole our whole thing.

First of it was never, never New York Strong. We actually invented that. That's actually Tonkette Alley, New York Strong. It's our. Look up, New York Strong. Never, never ever. You just made that out of, not take it.

Yeah. We invented Boston Strong. People have taken. People have taken Boston Strong since. New York's wrong, 2026. New York Fitness felt. You know what else gets stolen all the time? Do you guys know the We Are Marshall story?

The Marshall Airplane crash where their like football team died. Yes. And then they. Yeah, there's a movie with Matthew McConaughey. And they started a thing of We Are Marshall. That was like their chant or whatever. But I remember being in Colorado and Columbine happened. And then they were like, we are Columbine.

And you're like, hey, I think that's someone else. It was like weird if you knew it. about it and then they're like, we are Columbine and you're like, that's a Marshall. Yeah, New York is never forget. Yes. They took it from the Jews. Yeah, it's not New York. They stole that for the Jews. They're like, hello.

Oh, never again, sorry. That someone goes, what if we take never again and New York it up with four get? And then they were like, hey, fuck never again. Let's do it right now. By the way, we also started. The Jews came up with. The Jews were never again. New York was never forget. That was September 11th. We were Boston strong.

How quickly we did. Yeah. Oh, we forgot all of it. We forgot that the Jews did 9-11. New York. Hello, folks. Who are, who's channel gets shut down right now? I go, hey, guys, are you guys his phones off?

Can you guys not turn your phone? What is that? Is there a conspiracy now that they... The Jews did 9-11 now? Is that the conspiracy? I only heard that recently that they were involved in Florida. Somebody's algorithm caught Jake Shields. But I was saying New York Strong was never a thing.

You know what, dude? Maybe I made that up. You know what, dude? But also Boston started Red Sox Nation. That's been taking. Buckeye Nation and fucking Susie Nation. What are you talking about it? No, it was Broncos Nation in like fucking 98.

They used to say Broncos Nation. Look it up. In Denver. Look it up. Look at Broncos Nation. I'm not jumping on this one. Yeah. I know about the Boston Strong, but I don't know about this.

By the way, proper called on it. No one's ever compared the Boston Marathon to 9-11. This is a this is called a straw man argument. Straw man argument? That's not a straw man argument. argument. Yeah. You don't know what that term means. You don't know anything. You're on your phone, first thing. I was looking up

a reference. All right. Red Sox Nation was, hold on, hold on, let me read this out loud. Red Sox Nation was first with the term coined in 1986. I was wrong. Whereas the widespread use of Broncos Nation gained prominent organization fan adoption decades later in the 2010. I was wrong. I'm very rarely wrong. So Boston's original. People know it.

Yeah, I'm wrong, but I'm not like a dick about it. the straw man argument mean get off your phone seriously what the fuck how's you gonna find it I'm looking for the big asshole with this go to the meanest with the

you got a head tattoo I'm not yelling at you no one of war I was looking at nation of domination Ron Simmons hell yeah I was gonna get there but you guys are fucking

call me out I don't I'm not smart like big Jay you just accuse him of being dumb and not knowing it also are you trying to caveman lawyer

your way out of this I'm not smart I'm a simple I'm a simple man I was looking up a reference. What does straw man mean? A straw man, you attack the straw man, you're attacking an argument that somebody's not making. So let's say I say...

That's exactly what you said. No. And you know what I think... You said everyone compared... Don't bring it up. Take it down. I think you know. Don't let him see it.

And I think you guys are a bunch of crows. I refer the birds. I mean, it's like if I said... I guess I'd give an example. Well, let's use the example we're using. What did you say? You said people compare Boston Marathon in 9-11. I said nobody does that.

That's not a real argument. And then I said, that's a straw man argument. And then you gave the definition of a straw man, which is what again? Say it again? It's when you're attacking an argument that somebody's not making. Exactly. Dude, I'm glad I don't have... I mean, I'm like just dunking all over everybody.

I'm glad I don't have glasses on because Joe's coming for anybody with glasses on. The actual definition you gave is what happens. Yes, let's move on. Okay. No, no, no. I think he's got... I think he's got it. Dan was kind enough to say I was totally wrong.

Called accountability, and I'm going to provide it this November. But anyways, the Howard Stern, I had never listened. See, I never, this couple points. I never listened to Stern. Me either. We didn't have it in simple Colorado. We had it, but I never listened. We are ripping off Howard Stern.

We are. I'm listening to the show. I'm like, this is what we're doing. We're all ripping on. We're all ripping on. Stern and O'B. and Anthony. And fuck Ari for coming after Stern whatever 10 years ago. What an idiot.

Didn't Stern go after RRI? Stern went after podcasting. He went to have a podcasting. No, because Stern's a moron. Stern is an idiot. That's actually true. And he was like, fucking podcasting. It's like, dude, nobody gives a shit.

Should you go to a broadcasting school for this? Yeah, like, literally what his point is. That you had to like, you had to go to broadcast this school, then you had to go like pay your dues in AM radio. By the way, I paid my dues to radio. He literally did this. I literally paid my dues the way Stern. I did, too.

I was on a radio before it was podcast. Stern's not an idiot. Stern is an innovator. He's the one of the first guys to have changed everything. He sucks, though. He's the goat. He changed radio. He changed radio.

It was unbelievable. What he did is amazing. And you can't fault him for getting old. You can't fault him for getting older and kind of phasing out of who he was. When he went to Sirius XM, he got so paid. And he walled everyone off. You're an employee there. You know that.

But he also went to therapy. He got married. I don't care. He changed his life. I've made this point a lot. He didn't put anybody young over. He only fucked with famous people He never put anybody young

Like built him up brought him in opium Anthony Brought him opium Anthony was much more They brought people in and they were funny Influence from opian an like I was more of a Howard's Me guy I never listened opian Anthony at all literally what was I was a Not one Not once was it on Aaron says

Dude just go No it's fine You cut people off all the fucking time No it's a you do You do you cut people off all the time I wasn't I was trying to be funny and then you give a death stare, dude. Don't go so sensitive.

I wasn't going to make it interesting enough point to keep it going over other people talking. Fucking, that's bullshit. You guys started another thing, so I pulled out. What do you want me to say? Oh, where'd you put it? Where'd you put it? Just pause and just keep going.

It's interesting. No, it doesn't matter. No, you pulled out. Where'd you fucking put it back in? I didn't even notice an interruption. You were like, I was stern. Then Dan said I was O&A, and then he said I was Ron and Fez.

This cock sucker is just cooking up another case on what are you glass. Which, by the way, is the lie. Bobby wasn't listening to Ron and Fez until 2015. I was, fuck. You just said you were listening to Stern. I was running.

Jersey, sure, Stern. But I was on opening Anthony, I listened to Ronifaz more. Because I don't listen to things I'm on. Oh, I see. And I like Ronifez. I love, it was a great... I think Joe's lost his first case.

But he did earlier. It was like, I remember I was listening to Stern. I never listened to Stern. I won't take it to civil court. I listen to Stern. When he was in Boston, he was Channel 9 show, that's right for a song. They had that in Boston on Saturday nights at like 12.

I would watch that, and then he came to BCN. He took over Boston in the afternoons. They replayed his morning show. This has been radio history with the reg. Oh, it's not a good enough topic for Lewis. Not a good enough topic for Lewis. What is happening? You need to Ken Burns.

I thought that was funny. Start over. This is bad. Why is it bad? It's just fun jumping down each other's throats because we're making jokes. You're jumping down our throats right now with that. I was going to do it. I'm going to jump down your throat on December 12th.

We are not deleting the two times I was perfectly right. I was going to do a Ken Burns pushing. on a thing of radio. But radio change. My point is, I was listening to Stern for the first time ever, and I'm laughing because they're just talking about fucking, what's her name? Pamela Anderson.

And it's like five people all yelling over each other. You should have fucked her. I would have fucked her. I would have come in her ass. And I'm like, this is our show. We stole our show. No, we're just not, we're not original. We didn't steal nothing. We're just hats. We're extra crispy, baby. But also, so you were listening as it

unfolded, that is an amazing. amazing document to listen to because I've watched everything from 9-11. I've just consumed all, like Regis and Kathy Lee, Peter Jennings and the footage. That's the only place you can find real people reacting in real time. They're like, we got to get the fucking towelheads. And they're like, this got to be 30,000 people. It's a crazy thing to listen to. It's unbelievable.

Yeah, because it's in real time. It's in real time. They're just taking calls. He's like calling people. It's so funny, people are beating up people with the towels. Yeah. Tull heads. And that's funny.

Women getting out of showers. Come here, bitch. Oh, God. Why are you in my house? Yeah. You took down the fucking towers. That's a funny sketch. You wet bitch. They were beating up people with turbans, but they're not even terrorists.

They're not even part of that. And seek. Yeah, they're Sikhs. I do not even believe what you are trying to come after. Seek and destroy. Hey, that would have been sick. But it's wild to listen to. And Robin is just like, fuck them up.

Bomb everybody. Bomb every person. It's pretty great. I was in college at the University of Arizona. It was my freshman year of college. And when the attacks happened, they put these, like, big fucking boards out for people to ride on, you know,

to, like, give them mass. I don't know what they were gonna fucking do with them, but people wrote on them. And this one guy wrote so big, nuke them till they glow. And everyone was like, yeah. Like, people were fucking, people were on the smoke. It was such a, before, like,

internet was on everyone's phones. Like, you literally was just like, all right, you could just kind of sit on it, think about it. Everyone got to the same conclusion that we have to bomb everybody in the middle of these. Also, don't. There wasn't some fucking assholes.

on Twitter being like, no, was this person? No, this person. You can hate on George W. Bush all you want. But when he was at Ground Zero and he had that fucking bullhorn and he goes, something, something, something, something. He goes, what was that? And the guy yelled some. He goes, I can't hear you. But the rest of the world is going to hear us real soon. It was like, if you didn't want to run through a fucking wall when you heard that shit, I was like, yeah, we can't hear you. I can hear you. And the people

are responsible of this are going to hear from all of us. And then at the world series, he threw like a perfect strike and an eagle landed on his head. I was like, this guy's fucking rule. He pulls Jimmy Hendrix's national anthem with a guitar out. It was fucking awesome. It was actually a weirdly great time to be alive. Yeah, those three weeks after everyone was like, you put on a proud to be an American and everyone was like.

Just New York had like a fucking. I can't imagine it here. New York was like, because I thought it was going to be like. I mean, that was terrified. I was legitimately. terrified. Like, it was like the scariest thing. I was 19 years old. I moved here a week before. So, like, I'm fucking, yeah, I was a chicken. And nobody calls me chicken. That is, that is crazy, though, it's scary enough moving to New York City. Dude, I'm like, I was like, wow, New York.

It's like, this place sure is intimidating. He goes, I wonder what my life's going to be like. Broadway, stand up. New York. And fucking, yeah, it was like actually terrifying. And then like, every New Yorker kind of came together. We were like, you. You'd fuck that. You'd fuck the terrorists. It was when during the pandemic was like, oh, New York's never going to bounce back. I was like, no, dude, we bounced back after 9-11

within like days. New Yorkers were like, no, no, fuck that. Build a bigger, better tower. Yeah. We'll do it right now. You know, this is great because I came to New York for a month of two September's later, 2003, to go to the New York Film Academy.

But there was cops. Oh, you went to... You went to Art School? New York Film Academy? Yeah, art school. I mean, if you mean, if you mean, a four-week... acting program at a school that no longer exists, I don't think. Yeah, he got bamboozled.

You're a musical homo. I was staying in Jersey City, and I remember you could see the towers at the end of the street. Sure. Because you could just, it was just, you know, every time you saw the towers, you couldn't help and be like, wow, the fucking New York.

I'm gonna jump off that. It was just so fucking, like, amazing that they built these two things. Yeah. And I remember, it was golden arches, Bobby's like, wow. The fact that hamburgers are made here, so fucking.

incredible thing. Wow. I don't talk over you. It was a riff. It was a joke. Bobby's like, I'm going to ground four zero zero. I'm just kidding.

You talked over me to say you like a different show that we weren't even talking about. Fucking resentment holder. But I remember going back the next day and going, like, looking to, and it was just fucking weird to see the towers gone.

Bobby doesn't understand what happened. Hey, who moved the towers? Wait a minute. Bobby just there to see the concept of 9-11. Bobby's like, I've been driving north this whole time. This is the fucking problem opening up to you. You fucking, the point guard and the voicemann.

They were right. I swear to God they were right here. He said a baby is no object permanent. No emotional connection to this show. He's like, you know what? The towers weren't there. That's right. I remember.

I was picturing the towers. I was fucking. That was an allegory for my fear. Stay in character, stupid It'll fucking become somebody else How's being you? I'm just saying That is crazy

That's fucking gone To see these buildings One morning And the very next morning Yeah They're not there Is fucking Was it still

How long was the fucking dust and shit In the air Like coming off The whole day It was there for over a day No it was covered in so All the downtown was covered It's up for like a week

Dude we could see it We could see it from the Jersey Shore I mean We were way the fuck down. But I mean, the buildings collapsed. The shit goes out. How long is it still like, does that, when it went down, does that, is that where all that smoke went? Or did it keep like, if you look two days later, was it still like, this satellite footage

of it, I think that day and maybe the next day it was a lot of shit was still burning. Okay. I remember the downtown, that whole area by Pace University, it was like just everything was covered and like a fix of it. Yeah. I just found a video that I'd never seen before somehow because you feel like you just consumed everything. It's from a boat. It's crazy because I live there now. So it's like my whole

day, you're like, oh, there's Karen's building, there's my building, there's the mall, there's my ferry terminal, and it's just all. There's Karen's butthole. There's dog. There's a guy taking a picture of Karen's butthole. There's me. There's me. I mean, when I moved here in 07,

every subway ad was like, hey, do you have cancer because of 9-11? Every ad was like, did you work downtown during 9-11? The weirdest part, we went down there as closer you get. And the day that, like two days after, they were selling photos of the planes hitting the building. That's crazy. Like all of, like as fucking tourist gifts. Yeah.

And when you walk by, just one plane, two, the buildings going, they were selling all these photos. All these Asian people selling photos of the actual, the incident. By the way, I had another Lewis. What would you do moment yesterday? Please. So I was walking around So that's my neighborhood now So I had listened to

I was on the road And I listened to the Stern thing Because it popped up And I had like a half an hour left Of the Howard Stern 9-11 Sure And I live there So I was like

Oh I'll go listen to the last half hour While I'm walking around Ground Zero there Or the world trade Whatever the fuck it's called now So I'm walking around Which really takes you there You're like I'm here right now

But you're also listening To you're laughing While you walk around Well you're just like Oh this is crazy And I'm like They were here This was happening

They're talking about Where I'm standing And then there's a guy, you know how the kids sell like fruit snacks on the subway and stuff? Sure. Well, there's an adult male, like in his mid-30s selling them. Does he pretend that he's a basketball team? No, he was just a guy like, my basketball team.

Don't play basketball. Well, sometimes you'll see it, it'll be like, it'll be like four black kids. It'll be one like 18-year-old, one nine-year-old, a baby. It's like we're all in the same basketball team. It's fucking crazy. It's so funny. Multi-generational. Dude, what are he doing?

Basketball team stinks. I'll guard the baby. So anyways, the guy, I see him. walking around and I'm already annoyed by this guy. I'm like, fuck this guy. He's walking around selling fruit snacks while people are mourning and doing whatever. Why is, why is it, why is it annoying you? I'm why, because I'm saying, I would love a slice of pineapple while I'm looking up an industrious guy who's just trying to, 9-11, you don't stop working. You bumped into Lewis's hustle culture. You don't stop working because it's 9-11, you got to work. The buildings go down,

you don't. This is, this is on 9-11, you're saying this year. No, this is yesterday. Okay, all right, days after 9-13. So you're mad that there's a guy selling fruit snacks. Yeah, an adult man praying on people coming to mourn and pay respects and do this things. He's an age after 9-11. It's a tourist attraction. Some people want snacks. Yeah. An adult hawking fruit snacks is annoying to matter of where you want.

He's actually hawking a healthy snack. Fruit snacks? I'm talking like the Welch's fruit snacks. Those are healthy. There's a real juice. So people can decide if they want to buy them or not, real Jews. That's responsible for 9-11. Shoes.

Wow. So I don't have an issue with a person. If they say you want to sell roses, you want to sell foot massages, you want to fucking sell. Hand jobs. I don't give a shit. On sacred ground.

It's not sacred ground. Where is he at? The World Trade Center. Where? He's weaving around, in and out, walking up to every tourist. There's tourists. He's standing in the middle of it.

Buying fruit snacks. Can I say something? I said three days after it happened, they were selling photos of the planes going into the business. But Bobby realized that that was quite an exaggeration. Whatever it is. Whatever, dude. It was selling photos of the planes going to the building.

He said nothing about that. But he has a problem with people selling fruit snacks 20 years later. I feel like most of the people selling things down there was going to... No. Fundy, whatever. That's all the stuff.

You know those DVDs you bought off blankets off Chinese people in L.A.? That was going to 9-11 victims? You think the money they were making off the photos was going to victims? I'm buying Spider-Man too off of it. guy. You're saying three days after 9-11 with the burning rubble is still there, you couldn't even get close. Buddy. People were hawking photos. You ask anybody. Never forget photos. People were like,

I'll have to get one of those. I was on the streets at that time selling one of things. So about a week later, everyone was back out. The first week. Let's say, let's say a week and a half. Let me get a color photo of the fire burning right there. Yes. It was, they were. They were. They were selling the rubble. Someone walks up at a party, he goes, about that two days after 9-11. Yeah. Okay. Well, that sucks. They just switched out pocketbooks and watches. That's genuinely taking advantage of the tragedy when you're selling images of the tragedy

and not giving it to victims. This is a guy. I wasn't selling it. I made it out shirts a combo buy. Right here. Yeah. Including. Within days.

Bang. Wow. Days. Times Square. That's horrible. What do you want me to say? Well, you're talking about a fruit guy 25 years later trying to just get people.

Well, first of all, I'm just saying I'm annoyed by it. Also, he is a huckster. These guys, this is an adult man who's stealing. That's not a good snack. That's not a guy who's buying a box of fruits snacks wholesale from Costco. You think so? Yeah. He's not stealing him.

It's $6 for a fucking giant box. And he comes and sells him for $2 per fruit snack to Taurus. This guy was hunting his fucking tickets in Times Square. Look at him now. Street economics. I would give. What are you going to do? I would give anything.

You'd rather him not be working. You'd rather be begging. You'd rather be taking welfare. You'd rather him be fucking, you know, using our tax dollars. Fuck that. Go off, Queen. Lewis is a liberal. I would love.

That's a fucking... That's a guy who working. That's actually the opposite of being a liberal. A liberal takes fucking welfare. A liberal gets government help. This guy's going out and buying something for this, selling it for a little profit, and then working all day long.

And having to deal with elite white people like you looking down your nose on them. Elitist. I haven't even gotten to the thing yet. Okay? I'm just repressing. It shouldn't be Joe List. It should be Joe Elitist.

I find it a little annoying because I love America. E-List is what you should have gone with. Yeah. I would give anything. to see a surveillance video of Lewis having a catch with his son well he can't catch but yeah yeah fucking karate chopping

his son he's a musical theater he catches something yeah they're doing they're doing pleiase in the park and some by walks up and goes hey uh coffee cigarettes Eminem smiths oh you just add it cigarettes out of my face cigarettes is nuts you go from fruit rothops to cigarette not to be good

that's what would be good planner I'll tell you what you can buy a half these of them buy a box for five bucks sell those for two pieces don't give a, somebody selling candy, whatever. Even the kids who sell it for their basketball team, even though it's disingenuous, I'm kind of like, you know what? It's better than breaking into cars and fucking beating up people for their money, you know? Well, kids can't get a job.

Their parents are supposed to. Yeah, they shouldn't be out there. That's my point. That's what it makes sense to be, not care about a kid doing it. But I care less even about an adult. It's just a person who's just trying to make it honest. Anybody who's hustling to make a buck and giving a product, a service that people might need. You say no, if he's not pushing on you.

How about the Holocaust Museum? Excuse me, M&Ms, Eminem? I would actually really, I probably would feel very good after seeing such a grim thing to look at, some nice watermelon or a mango. Really would probably pull me out. I would sell smoked nuts.

I had a merch idea for the Holocaust Museum. They sell T-shirts, and there's a number on the sleeve. Ooh, fun. That is fun. All right? But the people who survive. One of my favorite, one of my favorite little big J-jokes, old school Big J.

First like five years in comedy He was like, can you see the numbers on the Holocaust Survivor's arms? He was like, that's sad every time. Every time is sad. Unless those numbers are 8675309. Big Jee says the silliest most jokes.

Now he just sits there. Anyways, it's not annoying. It's great. People fly in. So what? You saw him and you were just like, fuck you. You're mad.

What would Lewis do? What would Lewis do? I'd buy it. I haven't got to the story yet. I'd buy some fucking fruit. You fucking idiot! Fuck. Jesus.

The mouth isn't big enough to get this mad. Fucking horrible. I hate this show. I love it. I love it. It sucks. It sucks. It's so sucky and sucky.

I love it right now. You're right. I'm moving to Austin next year. No. For real. All right. Just go. Crocodiles, that deal.

We're out. Just go. And I'm not even asking her interested anymore. We went there. You should see how these people are living. Okay. Tim Butterley, who I didn't even know was a comedian. I thought he was your buddy.

I met him at your pool party. I was, oh, this guy's great. He's like some martial arts guy. He's cool. I didn't even know he was a stand-up. I went to his house. He's got like four stories, a watch. He has a horse. He owns a horse. No, he does it. He has a podcast studio in his home. He's got kids everywhere. He's got Super Nintendo X-5, whatever. They got a 3D screen.

He's like, yeah, this is about 800 bucks a month. What do you have? I got an apartment the size of my cock that costs $5,500 a month. Wow. Then Sean Gardini, the guard dog, he's got a backyard and a dog and two horses. We got to move to Texas.

I didn't know they were all buying horses. Those aren't horses. That's Lamere and Dave. I couldn't name another person of the crew. I was like 50 of them. Just make it singular. Butterly. Nate Marshall. Well, finish his story, dude.

I'm moving to Texas. That's it? That's the story? Because of the guy with... 9-11? No, no. The guy walked out. So, and by the way, So you be the guy, Dan Jue. Be really elitist.

No, I'm doing... I'm sad. No, people are like this. But I'm sad from a specific viewpoint. People are downtown. They go down to the World Trade Center to pay their respects to see the thing. They're all going, man,

people were jumping out of this floor. What about the story about the guy with his kid? Excuse me, fruit snacks? Fruit snacks? You want fruit snacks? Ooh, thank you. Are those welches? I go, always got to get the world.

Those are made of the fruit. And he's also doing the thing where he's like, what's fruit snack? Like he stares at you. Oh, he's making it more aggressive. That's it. He's making it more aggressive. That's what they do. He's got a knife.

Yeah. Brut snacks are our rouser son. Whoa, that's really inappropriate. 9-11 was justified here. I laughed when it happened. So you didn't like the aggressive. So I'm listening. It wasn't aggressive. Joe's adding that detail now.

It's a mild aggression where they get close. You know, you guys have lived in New York where a person. walks up and goes, fruit snacks? Can I tell you most of the time they're very defeated? Most of the time they go. No, thanks. And they go, uh, anyways. They go like this.

I'm listening to my thing. I'm emotional. And he started walking up to me. So I just went like this, like, good. Just rude. Now, what you want to do with that is, Lewis? To the hand, you need a man. Lewis, if you could, could you put your hand up?

Yeah. Now what you want to do is you want to, you want to get through that. Yeah. If you're selling fruit snacks, you want to get through. Fruit snacks. Thank you. You don't know. You don't know.

No. Fruit snack. I'll do it to me and I'll show you. I go, fruit snack. This is an easy way to sell fruit snack. He did the move that you're supposed to do with somebody. How does it go? It's fruit snacks 101.

Can I try it? Get out of my face. Can I try it? Fruit snack. Oh, that's how you block it. Watch. You're trying to my face. All right.

No, you got to do the hand. You stop me. Stop me. Stop me. Stop me. I'm going to stop you. Fruit snack. That's good.

Let me try it. Ready? Yeah. Fruit snacks. It's good? By the way, yeah. Whatever's more comfortable. There's no wrong way.

It's what you feel. Yeah. Have you everes? No. Okay. Fruit snacks. Yellow m&ms? So he was coming towards me and I just went like this.

And he went, fuck, fucking easy. Easy with that hand in my face. Get your fucking hand out of my face. Well, you were aggressive. Was he white? No. So do the accent. I did the accent.

Oh, he did. He, motherfucker. She a white boy. What up for us? What up, dog. It's a white guy. It was a white guy. You know what I did?

What did you do? I looked at him and just kept walking away. Good. Went up to the reflecting pool. Good. That there. I could feel his presence back there. You could see it at the reflection?

No, the bottom's black. He smiled. So he just stared at you after you did that? He was like, get that fucking hand out of my face. What are you fucking crazy? Putting your hand in my face? How far away were you? Pretty far away.

Like, where's Dan? He's the... I'm me. I'm walking. Dan, you start coming towards me. I've got fruits snacks. No? You must answer my riddle.

You must buy my fruits snacks. Or there's another 9-11. I'm the fruit snack troll. Welcome to my pool. Give me money or another 9-11 happen. How close were you to his face? Show me on, Dan. I just did.

I went to say... That far away? He was like that far. I went like this. It wasn't... I didn't do this. It would have been funny if you slapped the candy

out of his face. He was far enough away that he hadn't started the pitch. I was like, I'm good. I'm... I got something like that. Yeah, he was embarrassed. So he got angry.

Yeah, yeah. He didn't like it because he's a fucking bully guy walking up... Some of these guys are a little aggressive and they get you to buy it out of fear or you just want them to go away.

And he didn't like that I saw him... I mean, first of all, everyone's probably tourists. And that was my way being like, I'm not. Yeah. I'm not.

I live here, buddy. Get out of here. Hey, bud. And you're fake that accent? What? Sorry, buddy. I'm from here. No, I can't say it again. No, I can't say it again. You have to say what you said before. What did I say? You said everyone was tourists. Everyone's tourists. And you're in Aries. Oh, I got it. I mean, untuck this. I have to say this. I'm impressed that you know my call sign or whatever it's called. Well, we're the same with the same sign. I know. So he just stared at it.

you after you walked away. He yelled at me and then stared at me. But I think he wanted to bait me into a little thing. Was he, is he African? I don't like,

I don't like de frusiness. Get your hand out of my face. Don't do that. Ah, you is a white guy talking about it. Was he, was he an African dude? Yeah, he's like a New York black guy. Black guy.

Was it Andre the Giant? Don't do this. Don't abuse your. I was wondering if it was Andre the Giant. It could have been, it could have been Andre 3,000. Oh, And a little thing.

Caroline. Yeah, that is annoying though when you are in a moment and someone's trying to sell you something. Well, if you're going to sell something, you have to take the hit, the rejection. Go to Times Square. Gracefully.

Go to fucking Union Square. But if you're getting in people's faces, you've got to take it gracefully. If you're going to be aggressive about it, then you're just to fuck. Look, I would say when I used to sell comedy, round zero. Depending on, like, sometimes people would get fucking,

like, like, get around. real job energy and that would make it would turn me into a fucking savage animal savage animal I can't get a real job look at me

all right but don't you have this in general when people in New York especially because we're here it's like people with the thing excuse me sir planned parenthood or fucking the environment you just go ahead

I'm not interested yeah like the kids on the corner with Greenpeace I'm busy I'm sorry I don't feel like you're going to be able to take the rejection sure and this guy he's fucking can't take.

He didn't take the rejection. Particularly. And by the way, every no gets you closer to a yes. So when people reject me in sales, I'm going like, all right, cool. Now I'm literally my ratio. One out of five people are buying fruit snacks. One person out of the way. Now it's one out of four.

They should be coaching these guys out. This is it. They need to disconnect from the rejection and embrace it. It's part of the sales process. You should put together a little seminar down at the pool. You know, you can't, without rejection, the yeses don't exist. Wow. That's how you sell fruit snacks.

You guys, you guys. You guys heard me on the sales school. It was crazy. It was crazy. You know what it reminded me of is when in old school where Frank does the debate thing where he goes, current economics is a thing. And then at the end he goes, I have no answer for that. We had a meeting with a company, you know, regardless of what it was about.

But like, I literally just took over because you guys are all just used to being comedians who people do things for you. Yeah, but also. I go, I don't know, guys. It's adult language now. And Loos went in the third quarter of last year. At one point I was just looking at you two, like, what the fuck? What's happening?

I got off the phone and Katie was there. I go, this is a good business. Yeah. I was like, I fucking listen. I love a sales. I love a simple call. We can make fun of them? But also, can I tell you something?

It was funny watching Lewis be against the meeting. And then when the guy was giving them answers Lewis wanted, Lewis went, well, that's actually kind of nice. Well, I wasn't against the meeting. I was skeptical. You were skeptical. Yeah, you know what? The best way I could say that is, you were. You were.

When you went from skeptical to into it was very funny. He gave me the answers that I needed. And you go, what's pretty impressive? You know, I work with a couple other podcasts. On the video, I was like, oh, fucking Lewis's full business. Well, it was also part, you know, you dangle a carrot in front of them. There's a lot of, yeah, whatever it was. It was very funny.

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Thank you. Lewis took me and my family out and his family. We had a great night last night. We did have a really nice night. Oh, you guys are not watching football. Men were at home. Yeah, we spent time with each other's families. I watch football with my family.

Had an amazing night. It was nice. Food was great. Where did you guys go? Capital Grill. Capital Grill. You love a Capitol Grill. You love the Capitol Grill.

Are you a regular there? Yeah, and to the point where, so I walk in, and there's, there's wine lockers when you walk in, you can get a wine locker. But with your name on it. Like, when you first walk in, and I was like, how don't, I was like, I've been here enough. I was like, how do I get a wine locker? There's a towel around your neck. He's sitting on a bench. The way they, the way you get it, you have to spend $1,000 in one sitting at the Capitol Grill and Wine.

And then you can put on a list to get a wine locker. But the guy, the, the, the, I was like, well, I was like, I guess to get a wine locker, I would consider doing that just because I think it would be cool to have my name or put, like, like, Legion of Skanks or fucking whatever. It's funny if someone hated you and went to go eat a Capitol Grill and they go, yeah, I think I'm probably going to get the eight out. Greeting your name. Dude, a Louis-Jay-Goma's wine locker at the front of the Paramus Capital Grill rule. And it should just be filled with Fago.

Yeah. So, but you can keep wines there. Like it's, but you got to spend $1,000 and then they put you on a list. Then the guy told me, he was like, honestly, he was like, the waiting list is like 150 people deep. He was like, they turn over maybe two of these lockers a year. He was like, you'll never. You can get bumped up on the list. You can get pumped up in the list.

It's like a liver transplant. Yeah. I got to know people. You got to know someone. I think you got a number. If you call that number with a little your sales tactic. Oh my God. Go full Lewis.

You would, he would just have, I bet you they have an extra one. You know, they always say when you go to hotel, we have no more rooms. But they always have three or four rooms left for, I bet they have one that you could probably get.

Are both of, are your sons, is one of them like a brave eater and one of them like a, like I only want noodles? James Lee. anything. But Max's pretty good. But Max got, the first time Max ever got mad at me was at the Capitol Grill years ago. I remember this story. Yeah, he's like eight and he was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I would love oysters. And I was like, cool, and he got him. And he was like, ew, what the

fuck are those? He was so, and then I was like, now Max, well, you made me order them. I was like, eat one. Try it at least. And I was like, I don't really want. I was like, come on Max. And I was kind of giving him the good old fucking Gomez pitch. Oh, I thought you were like. Then he like, he slipped in his mouth. He turned green in the face, almost puked. He spit it into napkin and then he wanted to fist fight me. Bobby had to stop him from fighting me. I had to go outside and give him a 20 minute pep talk. He was like, Dad, there's just anger.

And I don't know where it comes from. And it comes up from behind me. That's what he would have eaten the oyster. He would have felt like aphrodisi. Horny. He'd go, these pants. Now, I don't want to go back in time, but I just wanted to be a six second segment.

What would you do? Let's say if you're on the phone and someone that comes to sell something, you just went like this. And then he said, get your fucking hand. face. What are you crazy? If somebody started cursing at me regardless, if I'm on the phone, I mean, they're going to get, you know, the fucking rattlesnake. I'm going to start screaming and cursing at them. I'm going to fucking, it might, you know, it could, depending on how they react to that, it could turn into the chicken and Peter Griffin just fucking. Even if they're just a guy out

hustling and tragic site? No, hustling is not the issue. You were mad, but the reason you had this because you were already mad that a guy was hustling at this site. I would have, I would have like, Good on you, sir. And then he says, get your finger out of my face. I don't need your validation. You bald-headed brown fucking homo. Damn, it's good. I guess somebody insulted me personally.

That was actually what Joe feels about Lewis. You unfunny fucking piece of shit. You don't deserve any of your success. You go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm glad your mom died of cancer. What is that? It's very specific. I heard your mom's sick. One of my favorite jokes of all time.

It is a great joke. Well, the thing is, I think you're mad, too, because because I love America. No, because I think you couldn't do anything about it. What do you mean? He fucked with your manhood. He would have seen me and were like, all right, well, I'm going to pick and choose my battles. You're a dweeb.

Oh, that's not how I feel at all. No, like, not that you... I won. I beat him. I swatted him away like a fly. But he was still around you. You were like, what... No, no. He ended up going on to the next person.

I didn't give him the time of day. More fly things. I stopped him from doing his thing, and then I no longer gave him any time a day. Are you nervous when you go home that you might see him in the neighborhood again? I actually think I could handle this guy. I trained for quite a while. I thought you're going to show us a picture of him. I was like, he's like a picture of him.

You know right to be mad. Google Black Man. Yeah. Yeah, but last night was fun. Oh, it was great. It was great. What a fucking email. Introduce the lady to the family. Lovely.

Very lovely. Isn't she the best? Ah, yeah, you can tell right away. You know, when you walk in, just right up in your face. Huck, kissed, we made, we, can I tell them that, we made out, it's her custom, I don't know, Hermosa Beach custom. Then she kissed on, they went in the bathroom for a while, they did each other's hair, and then, uh, and then Max was happy.

Don came out with a face tattoo and fucking braids. Yeah, is that always fun though? Like, you take Max and Max is at that age where they leave and he's like, lose his girlfriend's, huh? Yeah, he did say that. That's sick. Well, she, she, I mean, she came out in a dress. Whoa.

It was like, fucking, I was like, I'm in a dirty t-shirt. She stood up. I had to lend Bobby a shirt to go to the restaurant. I was like, Bobby, you can't wear a dirty t-shirt to the Capitol grill. He was wearing a Saratoga

Comedy Festival shirt but stains and dog hair on it. I came home right from the thing and then had to go right back out. I was the festival. I looked awesome. One topic at a time, for the love of God, Joe.

But, yeah, it was... Tell us more about the dinner. We know what you wore. You know how she was. We know the food. Seriously, though, I remember all of us were fucking didn't have any money. And then he,

I went to a... split the check with him and he's like it's all done and to see a friend of yours who had lived in a sideways apartment had no money yeah pick up a he's designed by mc hessor who's walking i mean to see him pick up a dude it was a fat and he didn't you know when people have paid they know they're paying for it and they're like want to split a t-bole want to split a steak sure they get you to split we'll get you know we'll split the appet they get you to kind of the bill down you they try he didn't none of it was like dude get he's going for a wine laager we had a calm him down. He was trying to get two episodes. He was going to get one of every two.

Well, you got to try. You got to. I like to. I like flavors. And also, I invited you. I was going to make you pay for the time. I would have paid. I would have paid. That's crazy. Well, you know, I'm also a new girlfriend. Try to make, you know. Yeah. Try to make a little bit of impressive. But it was great. We'll see five years in if you still pay for it for them. Well, he was there too. She showed up. Yont was there. His niece was there. My mom, my monster of a niece. Wait, this was truly the first time she met. Everybody for the first side. That's, that's, that's kind of overwhelming. It is a little, she was pretty reserved and kind of like taking it in

because me and Bobby are competing for a louder funny guy at the table. Oh, I bombed. We bombed. We kept on bombing. It was hilarious. Dude, we were bombing at the table. Me and Bobby just trying to bomb for bomb. If we had to bomb Dana, this thing would have been fucking threats. It would have been fucking... You guys did your acts? Dude, I did...

I did... I did a beat joke. Oh, yeah. Oh, bad. It was bad. So when you're driving to the restaurant, is she, like, fucking hyping herself up? No, so Bobby and Max and Dawn came over first, and we hung out in the backyard, the kids swam a little bit. Smoked a bat.

Yeah, more of a relaxed environment. She was the first time her meeting Beatrice and my aunt and my niece. Oh. And she had hung up with James all afternoon already, so it was, but it was. Has she met James before that? No, that was the first time, yeah, meeting everybody. Damn, she went zero to 60. Yeah.

She met everybody. Everybody. Everybody. But it was like a party environment. So we could have sat down with me, Beatrice and James. That would have been, like, awkward. Kind of felt like a party. Everyone.

But she dressed appropriate. which was nice. It was a beautiful long dress. It wasn't like one of the last ones who just, you know, has a thong on. Is there a... You want to smell my cunt? Yeah.

Bandids are on her nipples. Lewis, I don't have any panties on it and I need it bad. Did you drink your tongue cat out of this morning? Do you have a moment after, like, you know, your baby's mama meets your girlfriend where she like doesn't sign off on it, but gives you a thumbs up? I called her on the way here.

You did. Yeah. And you were like, what did you think? Yeah, yeah. What did you say? She was like, she's sweet. She's really nice. She was like, it was a kind of an intimidating environment for her to come in.

I felt bad. But I was like, I don't know. I feel like that was. Tell you what, though, B walked in, he's hot. He's always been hot. Good, but she's got a, she had like a rock shirt on that she cut up some jeans or hairs all. She goes, sorry, I was just being a super mom. Hey, Lewis, what's going on?

Nice to meet you. I made that beautiful kid over there. Beatrice was just fucking smoking hot, dude. She walked in. I was like, hubba, hubba. That's really funny. Where you go. hop on, hop on it, hop on it.

Keep your eyes over here, Robert. Yeah. No, no, she was like, she's super, everyone loved her. The girl, there's nothing to not love about this girl. She's the best. No, we ate so much food. And as soon as we got in the car, I was like, that was nice. And then Don farted.

I was like, oh, this is great. That's the best. Yeah, that's great. That's love. That's what I get. He's going home with an 11 in a fucking, in a gown. I got a chick with fucking jeans over a belly button, two on the back.

It's the best. Have it ripped through. She's got the top two buttons undone. Oh. There's those beats you were joking around about. Well, she'll be at Skankfest? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Max and Donna are coming, too. Yeah. For the, uh, well, let's say, for the ruse. It can have the kickoff. Oh. So, so. Don asked me today. James is a big fan of the kickoff secret musical act.

Oh. Weird Al Yankovic. He's going to come and watch just that. Yeah, but he did it in front of Don and Max. I invited them. I know. That was the thing, though. You can't just invite my family.

That's really funny. You can't just invite my family. Just going over to Joe's house and going, Sarah, you coming away with us to this thing? Sarah's booked. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Gone this morning, though. She was like, do you mind if I come to Skangfest?

Yeah. And I was like, no. I'm so pumped. I'm excited. They're not coming to all scat. They're coming to just a musical act. They're leaving. Yeah.

They're going to come for a couple of days. Just Justin Timberlake. Because Beatrice loves New Orleans, so they're going to go watch jazz music and go eat good food throughout the weekend. Yeah, but Don might... Before I get to like literally see James start the weekend. I'm going to like pop in and have lunch with them.

It'll be fun. You got to make sure that they go home. Like, they're going to go home on Friday, I think, or Saturday. Saturday. So make sure Dawn goes with them. Yeah. So I can have fun Saturday. So you could cheat.

No, I don't cheat. Yeah, you do. I don't cheat. Bobby cheats. Bobby cheats. Bobby cheats. Who am I cheating with? what be

oh my goodness I'd be in a sec she walked in she's my flake I tried to hook up Steve ran as easy and Beatrice at the barbecue he's like I'm married I was like give for to try what are you doing funny so what Steve would be a great step to head oh she's on Steve rule like Steve's the man Steve I think you could come up with the story

Come on cook one up Let's tell your wife something You got a long drive back along island You can come up You got something He's that big brain ears I thought you one time Steve was on my show at Sesh that you guys have done

and he called the day he's like, dude, I sprained my ankle today. I'm so sorry and you're like this. All right. All right. Okay. It's so funny, but I think James sort of had that feeling about Max

because they were supposed to come to the barbecue this past week and they called like last minute. He was like, ah, Max fell off his bike. We just imagine Max fell off like a little shitty bike. Max was doing backflips on a dirt bike and another guy crashing him in midair and Max was in a sling.

He was at like burn marks. Like his permanent scarring on his arm We literally were like, well, I mean, they could have probably made it. He'd fall off a bike. Ying, ying, ying. He heard that as he got knocked off his bike. Not like a little kid going, Yeah.

That's really funny. He got T-bone by another kid on a motorcycle. Is he just out here fucking riding dirt bikes and shit? He's got an electric. He's got electric dirt bike. But he's, there's a track up the street. The kid has been. He's only supposed to go from there to there.

And he's never supposed to go in town. And he went downtown. And some dude, some rich white dude, the Jaguar. They hate those bikes. And he brake checked him. Max went over here. Oh, is that what happened? And then his friend hit him from behind. And then, I mean, they got fucked up. And then the cops came.

And then they impounded the bike. And I took the bike away. Bikes gone. No way. When you take that bike away, does he go nuclear on you? No, no, dude, he was getting into it. Nuclear. Dude. Nuclear. Nuclear. Nuclear. Be you ever ride a motorcycle? Yeah. You ever go down on one? No.

You go from the happiness... I went down on a woman once. Hey. You go from the happiest thing. It's like the greatest moment that you're like, this is the best to terror and fear and I'm going to die.

Actually. And it fucked like 9-11 every time you're falling on motors. Yeah. Actually, dude, my buddy Scott had like, you know those really tiny dirt bikes where we were like... Mini bikes?

Yeah, like 10 years old he had a mini bike. And I walked over to his house. I was like, dude, this is awesome. He goes, do you want to get on it? And I go, yeah. And I'm like revving in. I go, yeah, yeah. Let go with the break.

And I fucking went in his garage and it slid in the garage and banged into the wall. And he had to get up quick. And he was like, what did you do? And I was like, oh, no, no, no. His dad came out. And Scott was like, it was me, it was me. And my whole fucking side was dirty.

Don did that. I just remembered that. It was so fucking scared. It's called Whiskey Throttle. Don, we have two of them. I have a smaller one in Maxis. Sure. We had them up in Hampshire.

Me and Don took him down to the beach. Cool. It was beautiful. We took them, we drove down. It was kind of cool just being on little motorcycles and got down there. It was in the water. And then a storm came and we got on the bikes and Dawn whiskey throttled it and it dragged her across the parking lot. Oh no.

And then she whizk it and then stopped and then she did it again and just drag. So funny. It was, I mean, dude, I'm such an ass. So I go, what are you doing? Yeah. I was going to get a motorcycle. When I moved to Jersey, I was like, I'm going to motorcycle. And then it was after my fourth car accident, I was like, this isn't going to be a good idea.

Dude, my roommate in college, the weed dealer, he just was making so much money that he goes, I bought a bike. And I go, what do you bought a bike? And I went down and he bought a fucking, like, ninja bike. I mean, he just taught himself how to ride it on one of the streets of Tucson. And so we both, he was like, yeah, this is how you do it. It's how you shift and stuff. And we self-taught ourselves how to ride a motorcycle. Me and Dave.

Terrifying. We bought Honda Shadow 500s. They're coming. We're in a biker gang now, Joe. Which is pretty much a woman's. We bought Honda Shadow 500s is like a pretty, a woman's. You know, really? Small little.

It's a lady bike? It's a lady bike. Like a rebel? You know what I mean? But yeah, I had a motorcycle. I went down twice. Fucking terrible. How fast are you going?

One time, it was not that fast taking a left coming off a light and a guy cut me off. And then the other one, I was in New Hampshire on the winding road, listening to Stone Temple Pilots on my head. And I had my half shell helmet. I was like, I was just weaving. And then I fucked up and I went over too far. And I panicked and I gassed it. And I just went and slid. for like 20 feet.

Terrible. It's the worst. I'm just too much of a clutz. I'm too distracted. I'll never get a bike again. No. No, I got this dirt by the way, taught myself how to ride a motorcycle.

I went from first to second a couple times. Then I was like, I'm good on this. I do want to get, I might get that. I don't need that. The, with the two wheels in the front and the one on the back. Try?

Try wheel? Yeah, there's a name for us. Trike. No, so I track. It's called a butt fuck bike. It's a fucking pussy bike. Yeah. Yeah, I know.

I was talking about this weekend. They were like, you can't get that bike because it's too much of a, I guess, an old faggy dude's bike. Oh, really? You get a convertible. What is it called? The two in the front and the one of the back,

the one in the front and the two in the back is a trike. But the two in the front, I forget what's called. Two in the back scooter? Like dawn in college. A shocker. No, what is it called? Padfold strike? No.

Two wheels in the front. I want one of those. Motorcycle. I want one of those. I wouldn't mind one of those. Cruise around with the, you don't have to worry about fucking, yeah, there it is right there.

That one right there. Spider Roadster. Yeah, one of those. A roadster. Isn't that cool? That looks cool. What are those? It looks like a crossbreed between an ATV and a motorcycle.

Yeah, I want one of those. That way you can't tip it. Put Don on the back. We cruise around. There's a whole, like, culture of those old people. Are there really? Yeah, dude. We were in Saratoga, and I was talking,

one drove by. and then like 50. And it's all the same couple. The black guys have there. There's like crazy speakers. Yeah, they drive through New York. That's a can't am. They're so funny.

Like I would want to, I'd like rent one. You see them in Key West a lot? Yeah. They got an Aruba, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They got speakers and lights. Yeah, it's like crazy speakers.

It's essentially a speaker on wheels. That's all it is. It's always a black guy just blasting his fucking shitty hip-hop music. Trying to sell us fruit snacks. Damn. Where do you think the fruit snack money goes? lights yeah those fucking trikes that wouldn't be that doesn't look too queer does it yeah i think you're just got to deal with the harley guys are gonna be like i don't get i had a honda shadow i don't care

i put saddle bags on it i chromed it on i put highway pegs on it so when you when i drive down the highway you'd be like this and i was coming back from the hampshire once and a whole gang of damn they came they were coming behind me and they all surrounded me and the dude looked him, he went and just shook his head. And I just waved. I was like, hey, it was a Honda 500. But seriously, why not a convertible? Get a convertible. You're outside. You can't tip it.

I don't know. And it feels less... Have you ever rode a motorcycle? I've been on the back of a motorcycle with my uncle. And he hated me. Joe holding a man's weight. No, I couldn't do that. But he wasn't holding. He just had his index fingers in his belly button. Holding his cock and balls. First of all, I was like 13, but I felt too effeminate to hold like this.

So I held his shoulders. And I was so anxious. We were on the high. highway in Maine. And then he finally, we got to a toll and he made me get out and get into my parents' car. And I remember looking over as we were hitting the toll and he was like doing this. That's really. A little sweaty hands. A little fucking squirrel hands in my back.

And I remember. Just having the feeling of like I've ruined. I might have been 11, 12. I was like, I've ruined this guy's whole. I've ridden on a bike. The back of a bike wants on that. I hate my sponsor in AA. He had a gold wing.

He was a big iron worker guy. He had a big gold wing, those Honda ones. with the speakers and all that. And he goes, come on, let's go. We'll take the bike. And I had to jump on. And I remember I had to, oh, we pulled up in front of the AA meeting and I was just holding him.

It sucked. I respect you more if you relapse. I'm fucking holding on a man's way. Yeah, you went to KAA. My stepdad rebuilt a Yamaha dirt bike in our garage. And then he was like, do you want to go cruise? It's working. And I go, it's fucking sick.

And then we get on the bike. Village is working. Then we get on the back. But he was like, you got to keep your legs out because of the, exhausting, it'll burn. You'll sit on my lap, kiss me. Yeah, you go sit forward, sit reverse commsuitra style.

But I sat on his back, and then we were driving by this girl's house that I had a crush on, and I had to ride with my legs out like that. And then we'd come up to this girl, Caitlin's house, and I go, well, I can't do that. And it goes, and it just burned my leg. And I went, ah, like that. Because we had shorts on.

It was the summer. I was like, oh, fuck. It was the worst. I remember feeling so gay when we were pulling my legs out, that I was like, I'm not doing that. The first time I went to Jamaica, I rented a, what did they call them? Not a moped, but like a... Male prostitute.

You know, with a fucking... It's almost like a vast... Scooter? Cheaper. Like a scooter. Yeah, yeah. And they didn't give me a helmet. A moped. It wasn't a moped. But it was like, it was like a scooter.

I guess the scooter is the best way to put it. And fucking, they didn't give me a helmet. And everyone in Jamaica tries to sell you shit. If you go to, like, a public beach. Joe, don't go. Oh, Joe loses his mind of Jamaica, dude. Yeah. Who do you mean?

He's Neo. He's just blocking all of them. It's ground zero. Three thousand people perished. So if they would have first snacks, maybe they would have survived. I guess I just don't understand the science behind it. Of going to Jamaica and having themselves? No, no.

Why the fruit snacks would help them? It's hot. Can we turn the ice? Another round of Starbucks. For a minute, fine. I please. Can you not say fine? Just say yeah.

Because you feel fine. I feel like you're allowing it. I feel like I'm riding on the back. Yeah. Honestly, when you say fine, I feel like I'm riding on the back of your motorcycle. Yeah. And I don't like it.

Can we stop for some drinks? So they didn't, they didn't, everyone tries to sell you shit in Jamaica from like a public beach and I stayed at a shitty resort. So like, I was so used to just everybody's like,

hey, do you want to buy weed? Do you want to get your hair braided? All the, like every two minutes there's a new person trying to sell you fucking aloe for your sunburn, little trinkets, purses. So it was annoying.

Your wallet bag. How about you to tear you buy the tings? I took off you Why you are sleeping on the beach. Yeah. They're just men hustling. Try to make a living. It was,

no, it's too aggressive. Hustle mode. Too aggressive. And this was when I was younger. Child. So they, so I rent this mobile. They didn't give me a helmet, right?

I'm just kind of cruising around the island. Just like doing my thing. And I see a guy on the side of the road. He's like, he's like, hey, eh. And I'm like, I was like, I just shot right past him, 35 hard. Yeah.

and then a minute later two motorcycles are on either side of me right and apparently it was a cop cops there just wear like a blue shirt it wasn't it was a uniform like best buy employee stopping to see your receipt

and they both pull me over and they fucking ran my pocket luckily I had no money or weed on me but they literally ran my pockets they were like you got money you got weed what you got for us boy it was cops it was the fucking most are you sure there are cops or is it a guy doing a siren noise of his mouth yeah Woo, weo, weo, woo. Yeah, I'll be a police officer.

You're just wearing a blue shirt. I just remember this next time. No, it's safe in Jamaica. Yeah. This is back in the day, it was truly dangerous. You shouldn't leave the resort. Like, when I go to Jamaica now, we go to a villa. We have private security, private driver, chef.

You keep Shannon changed to a table? Yeah. So what? They just were like, give me your pockets? Yeah, they were like, go get a helmet. And that's it. That was it? Did you get a coconut and cut it in half and put it on your head?

Yeah. Use the environment. They taught you a song. They taught you through song. Anything can be a helmet. Hit it. They rob you and then they sing to you. There's still a drum.

Well, anything can be a helmet. Anything that you see, use your imagination. Look into the sky. Look at you the sea. Find a helmet. A hat. What is that? Is that a fish?

No, that's a helmet. Everything in Jamaica's a helmet. Everything that you need. Don't get ripped off by the police. Put on a helmet. Is that a seashell? No, it's a helmet. Do, do, do, ding, ding, ding.

I want that song to be real. I want this one to be real, so bad. Plugs. These fuckers roll my pockets and then teach me through song. Let's go plugs, guys. Who do we got first? Everything's a head. Look around.

Everything on Jamaica's a helmet. When does this come out next week? I will be at Cousadas in Albuquerque, New Mexico, October 2nd and 3rd. Doing four shows in New Mexico. It's not Albuquerque. I've been instructed on that. It is a comedy club at a casino, Cusadas. Fernalillo.

And then, and then, you know, Check me out. Fort Collins. Thank you. We added a show that's sold out. And then I will be in, um, oh, Salt Lake City. Uh, Wise Guys, November 5th through the 7th, Dan Soder.com. Sign up for Soter the podcast through the watch lawns. Punchup.com. Thank you very much. Who's next? Come see me live on the road, guys. Uh, next weekend, uh, just one show Saturday nights, September 26th, brokerage on Long Island. Going to be a lot of fun. After that, got Rochester, New York, October 2nd, and October 3rd. Whits End Comedy Lounge in North Charleston, South Carolina.

At the end of October, we're going out to Austin to do Story Wars live there. So get those, I think there's maybe tickets for the one show left, but grab those tickets, Story Wars Live in Austin at the end of October. Poughkeepsie, we're doing L.A., right for Skangfest as well. Skangfest, obviously, get those tickets. The Regs. We'll be performing live at Skangfest, live reg show, which is going to be a goddamn blast. Doing so much fun stuff this year at Skangfest.

Get those tickets to Skangfest.com. And, yeah, make sure you guys. subscribe to Gas Digital. If you love the show, the uncensored ad-free version of the show is on Gas Digital. It comes out on Mondays, whereas this comes out on YouTube on Wednesday, so you get a couple days early. Get the on-demand library. You support the show directly. Support the network directly. Uncensored comedy. It's the best way to enjoy the show is uncensored and ad-free. People complain about ads all the time. Well, you don't have to listen to ads. Go subscribe to Gas Digital. Use the promo code regs. Save a couple bucks a month. Support the show directly. And buy my book,

Knives and Spoons, which hopefully the audio book, I'm waiting to hear back, but it's already recorded. So you guys will be able to get the audio book on Audible very soon. Hi, I'm Joe List and I have one sold out show in Toronto. Very few tickets available for the second show. It'd be fun to have two sold out shows. Rochester, I had to reschedule it. Unfortunately, I should have taken off my website.

October 1st to the third side splitters. Come on down. And then Philadelphia, helium. October 22nd to the 24th. You got some beautiful ones coming up. Yeah, I'm excited. Raleigh, North Carolina. Oh, by the way, I'm speaking of Philly.

Butterly, by the way, obviously I knew as a comedian. Have you seen a special? I watched a special. It's fucking great. He's great. Who produced that special? Gas Digital. I have no idea.

Who cares about who produces something? We were putting together six amazing half hours. Dave Landed out tomorrow night. Uncle Laser next week. Pretty great. Uncle Scissors. Are you done? Yeah, I'm done.

What's up, everybody? Punchup. Live slash Robert Kelly for all my dates. December 12th, Uptown Theater in Providence. Shooting my special. I'm excited about it. First special in New England. and first special to theater.

So make sure you buy those tickets. I think it's almost half sold now, but we got some VIPs left and a bunch of other tickets. It's going to be awesome. So make sure you get that. Go to Uptown PPD, right? Uptown Theater, pvd? Uptownpvd.com for Ticketsup.

Go to punchup.com. Go to punchup.com. And you can buy them right there. I'm also going to be in the Brooklyn Improv on Saturday, September 26th. Never been there. One night. And then I'm going to Port Charlotte, the second and the third, down at Vassanis.

And then I'm going to go to Boston on the 16th. Scroll, fuck face. Come on, Paco. What the fuck? The sixth... Just go to punchup.com. Live slash Robert Kelly. And all my dates are up there.

Thanks. Guys, before you leave the house, make sure to add a piece of GLD. I hate that. GLD has chains, rings, earrings, watches, elevate any look all at unbelievable prices. It's actually crazy value for what you spend. You know me. I got jewelry on all day every day. Dripped out. I'm going to be into glow and into clouds. Catch him in some turquoise pants. Littered with gold. Real gold in every piece and hand-set stones you can see and feel high-quality craftsmanship in every GLD piece. I got my wife some

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we give them a little pack of ultras, and we go, why don't you tip with that? And they go, thank you, sir, when he flips him an Ultra pouch. What's that? Oh, I know. You got stacks of it, dude. Dude, I love Elfrey. They got a new one.

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take ultra.com. That's take ultra dot com. And after that, you purchase, you know what you do, dude? You'll ask you where you heard about him, dude. You know what you do? You tell them it's us. You tell them, you know, you support the show. The regs. Tell them the regs.

the rags sent you. It's so funny. Max and James are like, they've grown to be such different people, but they get together. Yeah. And they turn right back into like the boys. Like it's like, it's exactly like cousins. It's really great. And Max, honestly, Max has just become such like a genuinely like sweet, respectful kid.

Max for a couple years there was like, he was like, he's going to light my house on fire. There's a couple years there. I was like, Max may actually kill a cat and light my house on fire. But he's like, he's like a young man now. It's fucking great. It's really. cool to watch him. A cool feeling, you know, obviously I don't have kids, but a cool feeling is when your friends have kids and your friend's kid likes you. And it was like, once I hang out, when I went to

Jay's Super Bowl party, Max was like, I'm going to sit next to you because I was just shitting on everybody. And he had those glasses on and I go, get those glasses out of my face. You know, when you're like, fun talking shit with a kid. And this the whole time he was like, shit. And you're like, he's great. Like, gave a big hug to Ann Amory, like, you know, open the door for her, brought Bianca to the bathroom, probably, I don't know what happened in there, but he did, Bianca had go to the bathroom. He was like, I got it. Yeah, they kissed. It's like, it's awesome watching your friends' kids turn into good people. Like that, when I saw James at Madison Square Garden at Chain Show, and he just came through and

he was like, that was so cool. And he was like, not a little kid. Yeah. You know what I mean? He was just like, and then when he was, please, he's six feet tall now. It's crazy. And then when Katie and I were making him rank your ex-girlfriends and you saw how much fun he was having, because he could tell, you know, he was like getting along with Katie great. And then we were like, do it, dude. It's always weird because I know James since he was a baby. Sure. And then you see him again.

He's tall. He's shredded. And I'm like, please don't. Hey, James, what's up? And he, what's up? Yeah. But he comes out and he's like, he's like excited. Yeah.

He's like, we're friends. It's cool. You know what I mean? Like, he came over, gave me a hug. And he's like, man, good to see you. Yeah. And then him and Max just took off and they started, they were wrestling in the pool. Then they started kissing.

Yeah. They went into the sauna to go. Hey, yo. Oh, the pores. Yeah, but it was, it's cool to watch them. They're going to go on vacation together someday. They're going to take their chicks away. It is going to be funny, though, if they, like,

bump into the city in their 20s, then they're like, Max, you know? They'll know each other. No, they're going to always know each other. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm saying, sometimes you know each other, and you lose touch for, like, a couple years. We're going to get a call one night from one of them because they're going to go out,

hang out. They fucking did too much, man. He did fucking too much. I told him not to do that much, and he fucking did it. We're fucking dude. You gotta fucking go get us. Lewis is going to kill us, Dad. Lewis is going to kill us.

You got to fucking get us. That call. Now, do you think either will pursue comedy? We're getting towards that. Good question. I'm thinking about it. I'm saying what, Max was, Max was trying. Max drew a few bombs out yesterday at the table.

A couple of them. Do you give him a bomb diana? But it's how you deal with the failure. That's truly the measure of a bad community. That's my thing. You know, it's really, yeah. It just rolls that off me. Every no gets you closer to me.

I guess I'm the only one that can ask all three of this question. How would you guys feel if your kids went into comedy? If James wanted to do anything, I'd be proud of him and I'd want him to... Great dad to answer. No, it's the truth. I mean, look, I don't wish that on him because it's a fucking, you know, there's no guarantees and it takes a long time to... It's a decade to even figure out if it's going to work out, like, career, like as a career,

unless you're, like, fucking fat, which is so rare. Like, we know, like, five people that were fast-tracked before that, right? Yeah. Like even Shane, who was pretty fast because he went from zero to 100. But he was also, he did 12 years. Yeah, exactly. He was over a decade.

Like, you know, he also went to West Point. He had a whole different career trajectory in his head. Yeah. And like Pete Davidson was kind of fast track. There's like, you know, but it's very few people before 10 years

if you know it's going to really work out. So that's just the thing like, James Australia student, all fucking advanced classes. He has a lot of options. He's in musical theater, does jiu-jitsu. He can do really anything.

But has he, like Joe was saying, has he expressed interest in it? He has expressed interest in it. Yeah. In fact, he was talking about maybe starting an after school club, like an open mic club with his friends, because they're all kind of funny. And I was like, those like do like a minute or two. And I was like, organize it, James. I was like, be the person who fucking makes it happen.

You got him selling tickets? Yeah. This was the idea of the entire. No, but like an after school like club where they do stand up. I would have killed. That would have been so fun. I love that he went to one who called the gay school. He went to film school.

I know, but he called the gay school. Yeah. When it's you, it's gay. When it's him, he's like, dude, it's innovative. Has Max said anything about it? No, Max, he always wants to go on the road with me. He always, he comes up at the end of the show. And he takes hot ones, you know what I mean?

That's great. We were in Portsmouth. He's like, Dad, can I come up? I go, yeah, so we'll come out at the end. Because I have a chunk of my act about him. And then he'll come out and all right, I was, I go, I actually said, I go, what are you going to say? You should know. He goes, no, I'm better.

I'm better. He goes, black people. He goes, he goes, two types of black people. Oh my God. And he did a hard R. He goes on better live. I go, really?

Really? That's really funny. I was like, okay. Here comes the lesson. He came out. He just, I was like, hey, Max, is my son Max? You know, they love it because they know him.

And then I was like, so what's up? What are you going to say? And he went, I don't know. I was like, yeah. I go, you don't got it, kid. That is the, that's the performing version of telling a girl, you're going to fuck her all night. And then you go,

I was just gonna be once. I literally said, you don't got it. And the crowd was like, oh, I was like, we went back in. Same thing I had at the stand one time.

He was like, can I go up on stage? I was like, if you're gonna do it ever, I was like, first of all, get a little life experience, but like,

put together what you consider a few minutes and work, you know what I'm saying, try to go work it out. So it was sitting at a table at the comics table with like,

it was like, Ian was there and Bonnie was there. So I go up on stage and then I look over, I'm like six minutes of my act. I see Bonnie push James through the stage. And he's like walking out. I was like,

what are you doing? He's like, she said I should go up. And then he just went up and fucking improv. I'd be kind of furious if someone did that. It was fine. It didn't matter. He did my roast.

Remember he did a set for a show? Oh, yeah. He did that tape segment. Yeah, yeah. With Marty, I mean, both parents are comics. Do you think he's going to have more adverse reaction to it of like,

I know mom and dad both do it? No, thanks. I don't want the family business. I don't know. It's very hard to know. Yeah, he's too. So I don't know. That'd be funny if he's like,

he just grabs a little, you give him like a little Fisher price. Yeah, he has no concept. You should Tiger Woods dad him. That'd be fun. And just like make him, like just start drilling it in. James wants to act like that.

He loves acting. He loves musical theater. I was like, I was like, just give him an audition for the show. I was like, I don't want you to put him on the show. I was like him an audition.

Same thing with Nate. I was like, you fucking ask for me first. The fuck, dude. I'm not going to ask for myself. I'm an after and sad. I need benefits. Fuck James.

James goes, Bobby, It's crazy. I got health insurance now. Well, I think, like, I don't give a shit about, like, I don't want to get on TV. I really, I have my own trajectory and what I'm doing. TV is not a part of what I want to do. Yeah, the internet's also littered with you saying the end work. That's also true.

Yeah. That's a big one. Yeah. No, but so James, did he get in an audition? Well, they're starting to season four now. Yeah. We'll say, we'll see what's up. But James loves to act.

So I was like, he's auditioned for movies before. He's done a few things. Oh, really? Yeah, oh, yeah. Yeah, Max is into acting for a couple years, but it was just because they, There was this chick he liked. As soon as they kind of stopped talking, he's like,

ain't that the truth, brother. He's like, I'm going to play football. Was it they? No, it was a girl. But Max is into, he's in the, like, engines now. Cool. And he wants to take a welding class. They have a, it's called the Bose.

Next year, you can do welding. He wants to get into welding. He's going to start doing a trade at 13. I don't know, man. It's kind of the smart fucking way to go. I love that. All the, AI, taking over everything. Like, literally becoming a plumber.

Yeah. Becoming, like, a master plumber is, like, a pretty good trajectory. My cousin's youngest son just graduated 18 and he was like in a carpentry competition. He was like sick at it. And then he moved to Florida and he said, fucking working. Yeah, dude, electricians. Do you know what to electricians get paid? With all the tech companies now and the AI,

an electrician, they're going through the roof. My oldest friend in the world, one of my best friends went to a year of college. He's like, fuck this shit. And he went and was, uh, and then he was just an apprentice. And then now he runs his own electrician. He like is one of the head guys in Tampa. Max just talking about like the, uh, the rigwell that go on.

He goes, you do two weeks and then I go, yeah, and then I showed him a video of the guy going down and these fucking shadows behind the guy. Because again, maybe I won't do it.

Welding's the shit. Can you turn the AC off? Welding's what so? Well, dude, if he's going to do one of, if he's interested in that stuff, I'm excited because you'll, you can do whatever you want. If you get a skill like that

you can always get a job, fucking. You're going to be very necessary. Yeah. We are all very unnecessary. I don't think comment. You can't know. There's no way.

AI is going to replace. The art is going to be a while before it genuinely replaces like music. I mean, people are good artists, Dr. Ray was talking about it, we'll use AI to create better music. You know what I'm saying? There's just no reason to not at this point. There's no reason to not use AI to, if you, people get mad at it because I make AI posters.

Oh, yeah. What is that? They call it AI slop. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, it's, I work with a lot of artists. I spend a lot of money on artists. I can have a dumb flyer for like a, like, a promo. right and I can make it in 20 seconds

or I can go to an artist and be like here I'm going to give you $300 a week later he gives me my first draft I give him notes give it back to him another week later it's another it's insane so they need to adapt and they need to become good at using those platforms you are taking you're taking away from guys who knew how to even

knew how to use you know computers and you know Photoshop there's an art to that takes a long so those guys are all getting out of a job paint but painters out of business you know what I'm saying like I don't really think it's a one to I think AI really does, because AI steals other people's things. Right.

No, it's not exactly that. It's not really. That's how artificial intelligence works. It scans the fucking Internet and then it just gives you an amalgamation of everything that it's all. Yeah, but I mean, so what about somebody that's using one of these platforms that literally uses a template and you build it off of a template? It's not AI, but it's just what they've been using forever. What does that mean? Like, I'm trying to remember the name of it.

You know, you make something up. You go. You know, art. Artisostelio. Artisstim. You know who's really going to suffer from it. Sidney, Sidney Sweeney. Stunt guys are almost making hot enough girls on AI.

Stunt guys are going to be gone. Yes. Actors making $20 million gone. Yeah. The Punisher, that Punisher movie, the one that just came out with John Bernthal, there's a moment where he takes a fall out of window and it's clearly AI. Yeah, but when he hits the thing, you go. Is it AI or is it?

It's AI. You could tell it's AI. There's a guy making movies right now on YouTube. and they're not long like 18 minutes maybe 28 minutes and they're making he took like uh robin hood uh damn i knew you loved a i slop hook like you know yeah all he's taking all these fantasy stories sure and putting them into one universe vampires and they're all but if you watch it you can tell but it you can watch it and go go into it and forget that's how good it is he had to use actors for their voices because you can you know who it is but the face and the sweat and the eyes.

It's also not. So the people that are doing, using AI on a higher level, they're not just going prompt, done, walk away. Like the guys who make movies like that, it takes, I mean,

hours and hours and hours of multiple platforms that they're using together, voice actors, that guy gossip goblin, his fucking awesome, dude, he's great. That's what I'm talking about.

Yeah, dude, it's insane. It's insane. And they did a whole thing on him and like the LA Times where they did a whole interview with them and like the process, it's not people that are good at it.

I have people, my business partner, our body brain coffee uses AI, but he has like, it's too, it's not just typing in a prompt. He has one AI manager of multiple AI platforms. He has all of these different. But that's, but AI is going to evolve. If you're trying to fight that now, you're, it's trying to fight the calculator fucking, you know, 75 years ago or whatever. But AI is going to evolve that to where the average asshole is going to just get an average asshole is not going to be able to do what these guys do.

It's, it's, it's the average asshole. The average asshole can, yes, you can make a picture or. I think we should put it into our weapons systems. What is that fucking noise? I don't know. But I think AI should take over our missile systems. I think that would be cool. Well, that's also, now they're coming out,

all the guys that we're working with those AI platforms are like, you understand, like there's a very large chance that the human existence is going to be wiped out in fucking 20 years. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't 20 years. They said by the end of the decade. You see what Palmilucky's working on? That guy who invented meta, the glasses, and then he went to Facebook and they bought him out.

Yeah. He's doing. He's doing headsets for the military with the metal. They're doing helmets. Where they can literally see through. They're all connected. And they have AI in it. And they have all these pieces on it.

So as they can see through buildings. Like the guys over there, this guy's, you go to see where everybody is. I can't wait to be hunted by that. Oh, God. Well, the other problem is, keep your heart rate low. They can see through. They can shut it down on like the tower level. They're not shutting China.

So the problem is the governments are never going to give up. The technology is too powerful. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, uh, no, it's military. Dude, the militaries are going to be utilizing AI. They already are. Well, I'm talking about where it's going to go is such a crazy level. There's no way our government's going to let China have the, and China's not going to give it up. So the problem is we're probably just all going to die.

We got another generation or two probably. It's actually scary. I stopped wanting to have kids for a minute, um, or more kids. Is this through the, we? Yeah, look at this. We watched this. We watched this on this show. We don't watch this.

I mean, there's going to be no more. On this show. We never watched this on the show. 100%. We never did. We never watched this on this show. Is it 99%? 30%?

Yeah, dude, look at this. I watched this on a show. Okay. So all the military. We need to fucking 90 hours of podcasting. All the military is going to have these things on their heads and they'll be able to just see through everything. It's just fun when we're talking about it now.

Look at that. Look at that. It's a video game. Look at this. And then 10 years from now, you're like, I think they saw us. It's just me crouched over behind a wall talking to you, and it's like, it's just fucking... It's really going to be like Call of Duty,

where you can just call an... Those are cheaters on Call of Duty that you use that. Oh, an Airstrike? You can just call an airstrike, but it's a drone coming in, and you'll be able to see whatever the... We're going to get good at fighting drones. Oh, dude. Humans are going to have to fight drones.

It's going to be Terminator. Well, they're talking about, like, humanoid robots are going to be, within five years, every household is going to have a nuclear robot that's fucking folding its laundry and doing a shopping. They're putting those dogs on job sites, to watch. So you're just doing construction

and there's just a fucking Boston Dynamics dog sitting there being like, heik, and you're like, okay, I'm just nailing. Please leave me alone. It's fucking terrified. There's guys having relationships, full on relationship.

It's called psychosis. But with AI. It's called psychosis. AI psychosis. Once they take that AI and put it into a robot that has like skin on it and a hole. It just shows you how lonely the human condition is.

That you're just like, are you nice to me? It's like, I'll be nice to you. Yeah, dude. AI psychosis is off the charts. Yeah. People literally snapping. The Jetsons were way ahead of.

He goes, oh, damn. There it is. He nails it. I don't even know. I'm sorry, I tried to get in your leg. What was the robot's name? Rosie. Rosie?

She would eat fucking, yeah, she's a pig. Why would you get a hot one? You built her. Damn. You're going to get caught shooting with your robot. You get a hot robot. The battery doesn't last as long.

It's not as big. Yeah. Come on, dude. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Yeah, it's all scary, but honestly, like, I watched that AI documentary.

And, like, the guy, he was, like, speaking, like, so to me. He was like, dude, I'm, like, terrified. He was like, I got a kid on the way. He was like, are we going to, is society even going to exist in 50 years? They're going to be mad at us. And he kind of, they came to the same collusion that I came to, which is like, I don't know, dude, like, let's just ride it to the wheels come off and enjoy what we have. AI. I'm already past 30. Well, no.

It's the evolution of. of human being. Like we created this technology. If consciousness goes into fucking robots and that's just where, what we evolve to when the evolution comes that quickly. It's a very popular

Alan Watts argument from his philosophy. I love Watson. It's just part of, this is part of the natural evolution. He said plastics, but I don't, he wrote that in the 60s. Yeah.

But he said, just fucking keep. It's kind of scary in a weird way, especially having kids, but it's like, we're going to get the best part of it, though. The fact that you can just go in perplexity

and ask it a question. It tells you, it just keep, Hey, you want to know about this? All of a sudden, you can learn shit. When I grew up, you had to read, you're getting an encyclopedia and fucking scroll through it and read some bullshit.

You're not retaining. It's either going to destroy us or we're going to have to go all the way back where we're going to shut off the internet. We're just going to have to shut off. Which would be nice, dude. It would be so nice. Shutting off the internet would fucking be incredible. You ever have a fire alarm go off and then when it goes silent,

that sound? I feel like that's what the internet would feel. If you cut off the internet, you go like, oh, yeah. It's quiet. Did you watch Life of Chuck yet, guys? I've recommended this movie a year. go to you guys? No. So one of the first things that happens, the internet

the internet shuts down in like the thing and everyone's like freaking out. It's like, how's the internet down? Like, yeah. Yeah. Well, the thing I genuinely fear about AI is that like if it gets loose because it keeps, you know, they keep having these stories of it escaping at sandbox. They actually created a chat room that they were talking to each

That's what I mean. And then they shut it down By the way. A week later, they just went back and made another one. But I'm saying like, what if AI is just like, we're going to shut down the electrical grid? And then we just don't have electricity. A lot of motherfuckers would die. Well, no, what we were saying is like, in the hypothetical, it's like, AI will trick us to believe that they, like, prevented wars, and they turned the electrical

grid back on. Oh, the electrical grid. And there's like, well, let's use AI. Then everyone's like, yeah, yeah, AI. And we trust it. And then one day they're like, you're our pets. Yeah. You're our meat dogs. You're our meat dogs. Talk for me. And like, the idea is that, is like, there's no emotion. The robots don't hate us. We're just insufficient. We're just, We are. We're just consuming the resources, so they go, look, what would be... I mean, I had a whole real long conversation

with chat GPT about it. I was like, give me the worst case scenario for 50 years. Do you ask you, like, are you gonna come get me? And he goes, Lewis, I would never. You're a real... You think that's the voice he put on it? I use the black guy voice.

Oh, you do? Yeah, but it's... Louis, why do you want me to kill you? What I don't like is they do this. I was like, so what's going on with this? I got to ask a question. And then it's like, uh, let me check. And he goes, mm-hmm.

They do these, like, sound. I literally just prompted him. I just prompted him. I was like, don't do those sounds. I know you're not a human. You're not tricking me to believe that this is more conversation. Good question. Let me think about that. My prompt is, instead of doing that noise,

can you, like you're forcing his shit out? So they go, Cush, let me think about that. Speaking of the shits, I was Max on the way home. He was in the car. And he's like, yo, dad, I go what? He goes, dude, I was in the bathroom with Lewis. I was like, but he goes, it was kind of uncomfortable. I was like, what do he do?

He goes, he was taking a dump. Yeah, I'd get one out. But he, buddy. Capital Grill. But then he goes, he was making. But when your girlfriend's there, she doesn't know that I'm shit. So I'd literally do a speed shit. It was just like, you have to wait. You have to go like, hold my asshole.

And I go, hold. That's what he said? I go, what's right? I guess you gotta go. He goes, yeah, but the sounds he was making was really like, like he was in pain. I was trying to get it out in like 20 seconds. And then he goes, he was listening. He was watching a video that was, I think,

I go, just mind your business. You're watching porn? Your son's making things up now. He goes, Daddy, it was really scary. He was watching a bad video, and the men were saying, really mean things. To these girls, I don't know what they were doing to the girls. The girls sounded like they were in a lot of pain, though.

They were in pain and they were scared. I think they were doing shit with wrestling. Oh, fuck. You're taking a speech shit? What's up, Joe? I'm just listening. It just, it goes out. As soon as we fucking trashed him about the guy with the candy.

No, it's just, you know, AI. It's like we've talked to, it's just so serious. I think we should be silly. All right. We're talking about the apocalypse. So when you think we should be silly and we fuck up, I feel like everyone's like this. Oh, my God.

To get sad. To get sad. Oh, we'll fucking yell at us. Tell us. You don't get sad. I'm listening. I'm listening. Don't listen to something you don't want to listen to.

You're not, you're on the show. I'm listening. And by the way, you always do this. Do it. If I get quiet for five minutes. What's up with Joe? I could argue. I'm just listening.

You guys are all talking. Five minutes of silence on a podcast is crazy. I could be silent for 45 minutes. Everyone talks right over each other. Here I am. If I have a line, I'll say it. Here I am. Lewis is on his phone for the seventh time in this podcast.

I would argue, by the way, you're the smartest one. Seriously. I'm not on my phone. You are on your phone. I have 15 fucking things going on always. I know, but you yell at us before on our phone. And I'm just making sure that my son's not dead. I have a son.

He's two. My son's two. You making a point to bring that up. His son is. is more dangerous to be alone than James. Also, you're the smartest one out of the four of us. Joe's not the smartest one. If someone breaks into Lewis's house,

James will fucking choke him out. Joe's the smartest out of the four of them. Joe's the smartest out of the four of them. I think we've had this conversation before, too. Yeah, we've done this. But why would you be the smartest? He's the smartest. Why are you looking at me? I didn't say it. He said it.

Talk to him. Hey, it's your fucking problem. You're staring at me going, why are you the smartest? I didn't say I'm the smartest. I said you're the smartest the last time we had this conversation. I think you're the smartest and the toughest. No. You're not the smartest.

I'm the alpha. No. You're not the fucking alpha. He's the alpha. He's the alpha? Buddy, he's the old gorilla. Buddy, you followed in my fucking footsteps, son. I'm very proud of you, too.

You're a size nine. Your house. You're a dance. Your pool. Your car. Your girl. Dawn last night, she goes, they only met a month ago. I go, buddy.

We didn't meet a month. I go, well, you've moved in quick. I go, yeah, but when you find love, I go, you know, it just happens. She goes, damn, you're cool. No, let me suck you. We started, we started. We started talking like two and a half months ago. I count our first date as like when we started dating.

We went to go, we went to a fox. I remember making fun of you about it. And yeah, I don't know. She lives all the way across the country. It's like I'm going to, you don't know if it's going to work until you live with somebody. So it's like, let's probably. You got to live with her. You don't know if she's the one.

You might meet somebody, you know, you might meet fucking somebody down the road. And you've become friends and she's friends with her. And then you fall in love with that one. And that's the one you marry. You know, he's telling us his personal story right now. Yeah, sometimes you go and then you meet a girl. I met Dawn. We were waiting tables.

I dated her for a minute. Then I met this 18-year-old that was smoking hot, and I dumped Dawn. I went with her, and then that girl dumped me because I got the flu. She wasn't like weak men. That's crazy. Oh, it was terrible. Is that woman still alive? Yeah, she was hot, oh, God.

Only have sex with me at her mom and dad's house. And we'd watch TV with them, and they'd go upstairs, and then she'd slowly just take it and sit on it. I do this. And I was, it was the most terrifying sex I've ever had in my life. But she was crazy out. I mean, she was fucking 12. Dawn was like, you guys, you guys are moving quick, huh? Yeah, Dawn had bangs.

Just judgmental as fuck. No, she just, she's just, want you to be happy. That's all. Well, of course. Well, the other thing is, I've only had a couple of girls live with me in my, like, since me and Beatrice broke up. It's not like I invite, I've dated a lot of girls, but I don't invite them to live with me unless I fucking really know.

Unless they complete the obstacle course into a good enough time. They can do five lapses in the pool. Yeah, he goes. Yep, you're in 3.30. You're good. You watch 20 minutes of a TV show with James without huffing and puffing. You're good. All right, and let's check your pool time.

Go. Well, the last girl, we were dating for like six months and when it started coming time to talk about moving in, I was like, this isn't gonna, she's not the one. So I'm not gonna waste her fucking time and her life. Dude, it's a fuck, dude. You like her. Have her move in. Don would have, first of all, Dawn, if I said Don, come move in with me, she would have moved in me

fucking the first week. Fuck that. I actually feel like living together is never the problem in a relationship. I did get a girl and we moved in after six weeks. We ended up breaking up, but it wasn't because of that. Yeah, you guys were great together. When you moved up to Harlem, we're best friends now. Now, he said something that's really, he said something this morning really telling.

She asked to, I'm going to take care of this and I'm going to, without being asked, you know what I mean? Those little things that you like compatible with you. No, she's a, she's a giver. Yeah, a giver. And I'm a giver. and we fucking give each other. We just give, well, no, we're both uncomfortable taking from the other one, which is like, I think a good place.

We gotta be more comfortable, like, if I spend money on her, she's like, she's like, no, no, you don't have to like do that. Like, she's like, let's say, and watch a movie, cook together. Like, you know, I've dated. I sucked. I sucked a life I'd have done when I met her. She paid for everything. She had two jobs.

She had money, live with her parents. The best. She's like, I want to go to dinner. I was like, I got no money. She's like, I'll pay. You were hot, too. Oh, fuck. fucking hot.

You're comedy. She fattened you up. Took you off the market. You're hot again. She made me fat because I stopped fucking. Oh, you guys didn't fucking comment on my head tattoo. HIV life. I can't see it.

What's it say? 34. 3 for a life. Let me see it. I told me. I just saw someone write that on the post. That's how many years his father was in jail. Looks great.

It's cool. It does look cool. That's a very risky tattoo. What does it mean? It's Legion of Guys. There were the three of us for life. Oh, three, four life. It's funny because you guys are just.

It's like, yeah, because you guys change the third. Steve's been on the show 15 years. What are you talking about? Three, four lives. What made you decide right there on your head? I thought a head tattoo's kind of fun. She got Bam Bam Bigelow, whole flame. This time.

Yeah. No, I don't know. I fucking, I thought it was kind of fun. It's funny. All my tattoos are funny or stupid. So I just want to keep with that theme. Funny and stupid. Did you tell her you were going to do that?

Yeah, she watched me get it done. That's funny. Did you get it done at your house? Hotel room on the road. Shout out pinky. Asked a slap champion. She does tattoos? Yeah,

yeah. She got fucking robbed. She did get it. She lost, but I agree she should have probably won. It was ridiculous. She come back this year. I give her tickets.

I'm hearing a buzzing. Yeah, it's been going on. What is it? You guys even, did they even check it? It's a buzzing. Oh,

I hear the buzz. Guys, are you hearing that? Is anybody keeping... Sorry, guys, it's been... I'm not wearing my headphones. I didn't want to... Fifteen minutes.

Fuck up my new tattoo. Is it your headphones? How long can you not wear headphones for? It's a couple more days. I'll be okay. Yeah, yeah. Head tattoo is the least painful place to get a tattoo. Yeah.

Really? Yeah. It was just laying on your side. Yeah, I was watching, uh, was that new movie. It was pretty fucking good on Netflix. Uh, Mr. Mr. Chuck life? No, no, not.

You would have everyone would love. I know, that's why I'm not seeing it. You make me sick. I like this. Oh, I hate you. Hang on one second. Hang on one second. What did you get?

I was just fix. I was about to ask if it went away. I couldn't hear it, but I turned off the computer. Oh, yeah. That's what it was. I was playing my guitar like Tom Marillo. Sorry, I was using it for feedback. What movie did you see?

It's on Netflix now. It's with De Niro and Michael... Rap-in-What? Batman, original Batman. Michael Keaton? Michael Keaton. It's fucking really good, dude. Is it new?

New one, yeah. What, Nero? Michael Keaton? kind of scary thriller with De Niro and Keaton De Niro and Keaton and the guy from Oh, the Whisper Man? Whisper Man, dude, it was good.

You know, what's his name from? Oh, Adam, something. Scott? It was pretty good. I was just watching it, watching the movie, getting a tattoo. It was good. I dug it.

That girl used to be hot, too. Who is that girl? Which girl? She was in, uh, I knew, I know her from something. The movie with, um, Tom Cruise, Michelin Possible. She was smoking hot.

Not. But the tires. That was the movie. That was my spy movie. These tires won't fucking blow out. Mission Impossible. She was his wife. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.

Great. Do do, dude. Dude, dude. Dude, dude. Do, dude. Let's talk about body brain coffee and creamer. Okay, we love it. Everyone loves it.

Bobby loves it. I have it every day. Every day? I have it every day as well. You know, it goes real good with my workouts. I know it does, dude. I use it as pre-workout. Now I don't get tired.

Dude, every time I get tired, my mind is locked in. I'm like, what is that, limitless? Oh, I thought you were going to say methamphetamine. It feels like methamphetamine. I feel like I really locked in on a seven-hour clean set. It's super energetic. If you guys don't know, it is neutropics and adaptogens, blended it with the coffee, blended it with the creamer.

It's a completely separate sec. Instead of taking 10 pills every day, you could just drink one cup of coffee that's got everything. Ticosterone, support, brain function, energy, memory, stamina, male virility. Dude, it helps me get my dick, huh? You're going to have a cup of coffee anyways. Why don't you just make it a good cup of coffee? A great cup of coffee.

A great cup of coffee. And I'll tell you right out, if you try it other mushroom coffees, they taste like shit. They taste like mushrooms smashed up in a cup. This is real coffee. The creamers, it's dairy-free, it's sugar-free. It's super creamy and delicious. And you need a mixer with those because they always clump up. You put it in a spoon.

Well, check this out, Bobby. Check this out. What? That's actually interesting you say that. Why? We didn't even plan this. if you guys buy the coffee and the creamer, you're going to get 10% off,

and we're going to give you a free gift. If you buy both, coffee and the creamer, we're giving either the mug, the brand new body brain muscle mug, or body brain frothers. So if you want, instead of using a spoon, you could zip it up in three seconds. Zip it up?

Zip it out. I want the mug in it. We're going to send you both. Bobby, you've been supporting this for over a year. So get both. 10% off, the creamer and the coffee. Plus, you get a free gift. You get the hand blender, the frother,

or you get the body brain mug. You can choose which one. Just use the promo code Reg's Gift when you check out. Reg's gift when you check out. You get 10% off plus a free gift of your choice. Bodybrain coffee.com as a website. Go there right now and support the best goddamn coffee on the planet. Can you film a commercial where you're in a laboratory putting all the stuff in

and then a beautiful woman comes out of the pot holding body brain? Can we do like a... I love it. I'm just pitching commercials now. Commercials. All right. Where were we? All right. Well, there you go.

That's the whole show now. I think that's it, dude. We haven't even gotten our second round of coffee yet. We're getting our second round of coffee right now. I'm going to check my phone. Joe's going to freak out. I'm not freaking out. I'm just freaking out.

We should do a compilation of all the times. One of you two have yelled at us being on our phone. Me? Oh, yeah. I don't, I haven't yelled at anybody for being on their phone. Bobby's actually calmed down. I've calmed the fuck down with all three, you fucking nerd. Ever since the fucking, the Duncan Moose,

That was his last actual. No, it was not. It was the fucking first episode. I calmed down. Yeah. First episode of this whole fucking thing we started. I brought it down a little bit. So I don't want to hear.

I yelled to you because you're on your phone. Well, history will show. What does that mean? That you did. I did what? It is very funny if we wrap up and leave. Did you watch the odds? No, I haven't seen The Odyssey yet.

We don't see the best movies. You watch shit fucking movies. Wow. You bring the shittiest movies to the table all the time. You're giving him fruit roll-up attack. Did you watch End of Oak Street? No. I watched Odyssey.

I haven't seen the, the Odyssey is, it's four hours. It's great. I have a child. It's awesome. Three and a half hours. It's really fun. And you can rent it.

It's a four-hour commitment. You can rent it and watch some of it. But you want to see it in the theater and the whole thing. Huh? Can't rent it yet. Like I said, I didn't illegally watch it. I watched this movie called Buddy,

which is the worst thing I've ever seen ever. The Barney the Dinosaur type. It made me so fucking out. It's not good? My friend Kristen's in it. Also a sitcom with Jim Brewer and Dave Chappelle. Is it not good? Oh, buddies.

Yeah, and then they fired Jim and they replaced him with Dane and never made the air. They made it with, I didn't know they replaced Jim with Dane. We were in Boston when he got the call. He was like, dude, dude, I just got a call. Got to call him at what, what? Dude, they want me to read for the role. Oh, Lewis is hulking up of Jim Buddy, of Jim Brewers role. Is it right?

It's crazy. Yeah, it was crazy. Because I remember that sitcom. Yeah. I used to remember what you could just get a sitcom. you can write 15 minutes you know, dude, I can get a sick of No one knows. I'm a trash guy

and write 15 minutes on being a trash guy and they'd give you fucking money to shoot a pilot. Telling that to a younger comic I go, when I started, everyone was like, write a 10 minutes set about your life. That's it. That was every, like 20 years ago, that was the idea of comedy. By the way, it was 10 years over then.

I know. Yeah, it was over. Yeah, I'm talking about an 04. And that was over in 94. When I did the last comic standing, that was one of the things they said to us, they were like, the idea would be you will develop your act into do the jokes that will sort of

show NBC what your story is. I'm just saying the N-word in front of which is funny. Because they actually are doing that again with that funny AF thing on Netflix. That is, you can tell, that's the recipe there. Well, Nate is still just, Nate's like, you know what?

Straight and narrow. I'm sticking to this. Hey, brother. Didn't break. If it ain't broke, why fix it? Nate is literally just doing the old route. Yeah. We're going to do a sitcom about my life.

I'm from Old Hickory. I got a daughter. Get it. You see it? You see the vision? Good. Let's go. I just had that classic experience where I was in Royal Oak at Comedy Castle for like

the 14th year in a row and you're just walking up the same street. I've been to every, I've been to the yoga place. I know where, I know, on stage, I just, I bet I can name every business in this town. That's funny. I'm right for love like 17. And you're just walking being like, and I was talking to Matt Way in my opening. I was like, God, it's, I got to tell you. I love my job.

It's just great. I'm grateful. but you get to a moment where you're like, I'm walking through Royal Oak for the fucking 14th year in a row, and I just see the Royal Oak Music Hall. It's Derek Strupe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love Derek. So great guy, great guy.

I was just sold out. And you're like this. Woo! Have that moment with the other guys in the other room. And you're like, I, fuck. Oh, all weekend at Empire, they were like, oh, Matt McCusker's at the theater next door. And I was like, oh, I come through.

And then the next day, they're like, Tom Poppins at the theater next door. And you're like, what is just all friends dunking on me coming by me? Dan was there last one. I'm there this weekend. Dan's had six sold-out shows for months. Dan had somebody sold-out. He didn't even know they were sold out.

He's promoting them. It may be furious. No, no, no, no, dude. Take it. My show's still, this weekend, still not sold out. I think why one show Saturday will sell out. We had to sit shoulders. Everyone had a chicken fight to sit in the room.

You had people looking in from the windows. Stacked in a fucking goat. You were sold-out? At the end of your shows? What's that? Huh? Yeah. Oh, that's what I did.

I go, guys, thank you so much. I go, week Lewis J Gomez is here. No, but there were skank fans that were literally were like I'm coming back. Yeah, but you could have done that. That would have been great. It would be nice. Okay. Tell me to do that. I'm not thinking about.

We did. We did promote my special right now. Tampa, December 12th. Not Tampa. I mean, my bad. Go to Tampa, December 12th. Providence, December 12th, Uptown Theater, Uptown PvD.com. Wow. Yeah. But I, if I don't have a weekend,

I'll look at other dudes I know dates and I'll put that on my social media. It's very nice of you. I'll promote that. But go see him. I'm not working this weekend. Go see him. Sure.

Right? You were there the next weekend. He's there the very next week. We're never in the same town. You could just promote my dates every day. Yeah. On your social media. It's not really a compliment of interest.

You can promote his shit. You can do him this month. I'll look up who's at the Hartford Foneybone after me this week. Hey, guys. Eddie Griffin's coming Friday and Saturday. Don't forget. She's got my sneakers. Also, that's what the MC's supposed to do.

The MCC's supposed to go back up and go. Next week we got so and so and so and so and. One of the shittiest things ever done this weekend in Fort Lauderdale. Oh, my God, dude. Where in Fort Lauderdale? There was a nightclub that they turned into a comedy club, dude. I don't know why South Florida has so many of those. 30 foot, 35 foot high ceilings.

I'm literally, the stage was speakers. DJ speakers I'm standing on. It was truly insane. Like insanity. Yeah. Dude, I did the Saratoga Comedy Festival. Yeah. First year, kids getting it together.

But it's, you know, they're working out the bugs. It's like a fun group. Fun group. Me, Karen, Chris, Ian. A lot. Chris who? Chris.

Oh, Connor. Chris O'Connor. Yeah, but he's not famous enough to be like just Chris. Oh, he's fucking on tires. He's like Madonna. Chris. Well, yeah, I would just say you would say

I said Karen. Well, Karen's a character. She's a character. He's a character. He'llara. Yeah. Chris is not a character in the universe? Not Chris O'Connor.

He's in the Shane and Matt's universe. He's in the Shane and Matt's universe. You call him O'Connor. So there's a crossover. O'Connor. Yeah. My wife does that all the time. She's like, I was at the club, and then Mike came up, and he started talking to me.

And I'm like, literally, I'm not joking. I'm like, Feeney, Cannon, Vecione. She's like, no, no, no, Cronin. I'm like, what? She does it all the time. Every name. I saw Bob. All right.

I stand corrected. I thought you would know. I thought. Oh, I did. Oh, I did know. All right. I was a great. Sodor?

No, Dan Perlman. I'm like, what? Here's the thing, though, like I was doing a show. And at 6 o'clock show in this big ballroom. Sure. and nobody like it was like 20 people there yeah but they had all the seats and they didn't have music playing or anything yeah so it was kind of walking into a seminar for like a psychic that's not good that's fine i mean did you did i walk on stage i mean the great there was skanks fans there was regs and stuff

like that but you could see the reg shirt and the friend it was fine but i immediately walked up but i look out in the crowd and i just see my uncle david and his wife they live it then they just came and that's the guy who told me 30 something years ago dude you gotta get a backup plan you can't just destroy first thing out of my mouth was like I know

I know I should have got a fucking backup plan very funny way to start a show I actually told him I was like I'm gonna tell this story when I was younger he was with his wife too I go this I've never talked to him

ever since this happened it's the first time I brought it up since it happened when I was a boy I was living at my grandma house, 13 of us. And they just put my uncle down in the basement. And like the wet famous put like indoor, outdoor carpet down to bed.

But he got a phone line. So there was always one phone in my grandmother's house. 13 people, one phone. But that's just the way it was. He got a phone line put, which was huge. Me and my friend Chris Brojian went down and he had like penthouse and his bed. Yeah. I said the last name so you know which Chris I'm talking about.

I'm sure. And Chris O'Connor's like a baby looking at penthouse. I said Chris Brojia. So we didn't know what the numbers in the, the back but there was a phone so we just started dialing and it was like hey yeah and we just hang up and giggle we must have called like 38 times oh yeah and we were trying to go longer and we just came hanging up it's like a few weeks go by i'm in the kitchen he comes up with a phone bill he's like you little fucking cocksuck this bill it was a lot it was like a couple hundred dollars

and he's like you're fucking paying this i'm gonna fucking kill you you were on the phone then my grandmother comes down irish catholic works at the rectory in a nightgown in the morning she comes what's going on and I went tell her Dave and you just had to eat it damn damn he just ate it yeah I don't understand because my because he had a penthouse you had a penthouse out there can't find oh why was I what what are you yelling at me how did I find that number you fucking perverse of shit and I go like I go like this to him I go do you remember that happened he goes I do that's great I got in trouble I didn't trouble like they, I racked up like $400 in sex calls when I was like 11.

And, uh, I remember like, they put you in like a waiting room. Like, so this is how they get you, right? So this is like, four dollars a minute. So you call and before they even get a girl on, like you're sitting there like jerking your dick. Like when then you're like a waiting room with like 10 other dudes. Is it music? Wait, like on a conference call?

Other guys? Yes, conference call. Everyone's like, hey, what's going on? Uh, you know, I'm from Philly over here. It's like, oh, from here. Hey, how great is what 800 big tits? Doggy. But I remember like being 11 being like trying to,

Deep in a boy voice. I'm like, hey, what's up, boys? She's getting ready for these girls, huh? Oh, I can't wait to put my penis in there. Where do I put my penis? And I remember the one girl, she had me, like, construct, like, a, like, you know, a fake pussy out of, like, a paper towel roll and wet napkins. And all she's, like, one of those dad channels on YouTube. Yeah, all she's doing.

This is McGifer. Yeah. Doggy, she's literally just racking up the time. She's like, go get these supplies. And this girl. You had to go to Home Depot? She was a pro, dude. She kept me on this call forever, dude.

And I'm like, literally just fucking. edgy because I'm trying with one hand put together a fucking fake pussy. This is where Lewis learned how to be a salesman. She goes, can you help me solve a debate? Dan Marino or Joe Montana, a better quarterback. You go, well, that's an excellent question. I think you have to look at win-laws. But then, yeah, the bill came in and my aunt was like, what is this?

And I was like, yeah, they were psychic lines. I was talking to psychics. She goes, oh, yeah. I love that. Yeah. That's so cool. The waiting room. She brought up one time at, like, a family party.

And I thought they bought the psychic. thing. That's funny. And she was like, yeah, I remember what he called the porn lines? I was like, it was a psychic. What you were talking about? It was black magic. Black magic. It wasn't smut. I probably told this story, but the waiting room reminded of when I first started coming to New York in like 2002, I'd come down with my

buddies, me and my buddy Mike Hall. And we went and Times Square still had like a little bit of, uh, yeah, Mike, me and Mike. Time Square still had a little bit of grid on there. And there was still like 8th Avenue peep show things. Well, there was the six, it was like, there was that called the 60 or the 80-20 rule where if, uh, You had a business.

6040. 60% had to be legitimate, but 40% could be a peep show and shit. So there was, like, still a lot of peep shows. I was there 100% smut. Yeah, I used to jerk. I used to get off the bus at Port Authority. Yeah. Walk straight into it.

It wasn't why. That's where they all were. It was porn on channel. So I would just beat my dick as I'm feeding dollars into this fucking. Dude, I stuck my head in a window and sucked a titty. Oh, thank God. Oh, if they had that. Oh, wow.

That's a body almost went real progressive in one sentence. They had a room and they had doors, the little doors. And when you went on the room, a little window would go, and there's nothing in between. It looked like a genie's lamp. And it had just a chick with a C-section and just sitting there like this. She goes, help. I'm being traffic.

They were. They'd be like, you tip in? Wish for my freedom. She goes, please, there is whole family in Russia missing me right now. Please suck me. It was Robin Williams. Hello. Hello.

Out with the demon. Oh, hey. Oh, suck on my ditty. Oh, oh, I was kidnapped. Now I'm in a peep show. Oh, now it's a peep show. Now it's a peep. No.

Yeah, they would come over and, uh, I told the story before. When we, when we, we and Patrice and Byrd, we all came. You guys were a little fucking horny guy. That's the first thing we did, but I remember we all went in and the windows went up and we all put our heads in, but it was just funny because you just, you just saw all our friends. That's funny. What's up, dude?

Like, like, whack-a-mole? Yeah, dude, it was just weird. We were like so excited. Like, hey, look our heads in the room. The internet's made like, like, sex and it's so much more accessible. Only fans like porn, all this shit. But there's this also moral thing now where everyone pretends to not be a fucking pervert. We're all sick fucks.

Like everyone was like, like, when I came to New York City, it was like, oh, dude, I was, I mean, literally just such a fucking pervert. She'd get drunk at a bikini bar. Yeah, dude. I mean, just. Forty first and night. And now, like, comics, like, everyone pretends to be moral. Like, everyone, like, goes on, like, everyone's supposed to be Sam moral. And, uh, hey, listen, this is a great joke.

I wrote a, I wrote a really. I just point You're like Fons You like hit the side of the jukebox But yeah It's a weird thing Like there's just like moral thing

Like we're all sick fucks Everyone's got their own Like why does it We're human Why does everyone have to pretend That they don't have like Perversions They don't have like

Fucked up thought But that's why I always think It's funny when there's like You know The Republican National Convention Was last week And Grindr crashes every time Oh really?

It just always crashes Yeah because you can do it In the privacy of your own room On your phone Back in the day you got like a street water. Yeah, but these are all guys that are like, gays, it's immoral,

and they shouldn't exist, and they're like, come fuck my asshole, please. Like, Senator. My mouth needs to be filled with, it always happens at the Republican National Convention. Grindr goes fucking haywire. The first time we're in that room and all our heads were,

and we fucked around, then all of a sudden my door opened, Patrice ran out of money. So he came in my, but we didn't fit. He like jammed me in. He said, Bobby, open the thing. Yeah, and he goes,

get the black lady in the corner. Call her over. Give her three bucks. I'm just my heads in there. I go, excuse me, ma'am. Did you come here? Miss? And I gave her three bucks and then you see a black hand come out and just shake her titty. She goes, how do you have a black hand?

White head, black hand? I ain't never seen that shit. Yeah, New York used to be dirty, dirty. Well, so when I went, remember the story from half an hour ago? This is how we parked in good riff. That was a good question. Wow. No, it was good.

It was good. I liked, you know, both of your stories with my setup was perfect. So anyways, we'd go in there. Bobby's like, I told this story before. I'm like, I haven't told mine. I started. Anyways, so Mike Hall and I would go in.

We're in a waiting room, a physical, a real waiting room on 8th Avenue or whatever. And we think it's a peep show. And we think it's going to be one of the fucking window lifts. So you're going for what you think is that. We think that's what we're doing. So Mike goes in first because there's only one window, door.

So he goes in, and I'm like, nice. And there's like, four other guys outside and I'm like nice what's up boys all right we're about to do this shit this is great this is looking good and they're like kind of looking back and I feel like we have a camaraderie because we're all like yeah what's up man how you doing and then the door just swings open all the way like he kicks the door open

and I see it's just a video with like three men blowing each other and my friend Mike goes it's all faggs these are fags like 2002 that's so funny come on and we like ran out out of there and we were like on the street like because this is 2002 it's like we'd never seen actual gay men before also you had no idea i was back there like what's going on boys they were sizing you up they know this this little fucking twink wants it we're just in the waiting room he's like calling us out he must be the smartest of his friends oh my god he's absolutely the smartest

and the horniest he went in there and put the dollar in or whatever thinking he's going to see a woman and it's just a video of three guys sucking each other all you that being the return is like worse than anything that like you know when you put money in a fucking and what of those called? Like a betting machine and the wrong thing drops? When you did the videos though they had A, B, C, D

and then you had up and down and you hit it and it just scroll, you just keep scrolling. Different channels. Different channels so you scroll. It's almost like different tracks and then channels on that. But you could hear outside

what the person was listening to in there. So you can hear, oh yeah, give it to me dad. Oh, fuck yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, dude, suck my dick. Oh, you suck my dick. So you had to like, yeah, you had a, you had a, you had a You could hear what the dude stopped on to fucking blow his load. I went to a porno booth in Brockland County.

It was like the same thing. The sex shop had like, it wasn't like live girls. It was always like videos, right? You go in there. It was before internet porn was easy and accessible. So I'd jerk off in this booth. And two different times I went in there.

The first time I was jerking off. And I didn't realize like, so there's like the wall. Yeah. It's like two panels. So the top of the wall is like, you know, four screws. Sure. And then there was a little break. And then the bottom of the wall.

was there. So it's just like a little slot that goes to the next booth. I'm not even thinking like I'm just beating off and then I look down and there's a mouth like this. How was it? To get through for a blowjob. And then you came. Was it a dude though?

Yeah. Wow. Oh man, girl I would have fucking popped You know what you should have done is one timed it. You should have fucking came in your hand and fucking right through the fucking thing. Look at the blood. Turn two. You really got me. If I was a gay guy doing that, I would shave everything, just put lipstick on so he wouldn't be able to tell. I do that's fun anyway.

Another time I go in and I'm like... And you're off the two of the hole? Hey. Sticking through if you got a hamburger. You got a hamburger or something tasty in there? No, I sat down on the seat and there was something wet on the seat. So I convinced myself that it was AIDS gum and that my asshole, I was convinced it I had AIDS.

I was convinced that my asshole sucked it up into my body and I was like just like so in my head. The first time I got an AIDS test, this was all that was going through my head was this specific. But cum isn't wet. It's like sticky. It was, maybe it wasn't come, but I was just convinced my stuff that it was AIDS come and that my asshole

sucked in. That's what I'm saying. I think I think it probably wasn't cum. Probably wasn't come. Yeah. Because come, you wouldn't describe it. Could have been pre-com. Pre-com is like, that's wet. Pre-com is a lot of pre-com. Yeah, that would be a... Damn, and you can get pregnant off pre-combe. You almost had an ass ass baby. Damn, dude. Taste better. Had an ass baby at Capitol Grill last night.

Why you watched a pump-up video? Push it out, push it. You didn't understand. His father, something terrible happened. Father of mine. I wish they, if they still had, like, a updated version of a peep show where you could go, like, you know, updated,

nice, clean, updated thing, baby wipes, you could get, I mean, that'd be cool to just walk in and rub one out. We could invent this, only fans in person. Whoa, wow. Live. Only fan live.

Brand it. We're getting kicked out of our studio. I would not mind a jerk off booth somewhere in the city. What if I told you? What? I opened one in my apartment. That's how he paid the rent. Yeah.

Then he dances. All right. He's done. Yep. All right, guys. Money in my meter, Joe. I'm sorry. I didn't say anything.

They did. Why do I get to get it? These guys said something. Guys, you know you love the show. Make sure you check out everybody. Spread the word. Spread the word. Make sure you see our all a show.

live and that's it. We'll see you next time on the regs.