Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Mike Cannon, KP Burke | Put You Over

Episode Date: June 12, 2022

Check Out KP Burke's Special : https://youtu.be/hXxAWtj-RnM Mike Cannon White Privilege Homeless : https://youtu.be/WoR5SrksTy8 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta, ¿dónde viene? ¿Sino por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa en preno, conocernos, y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la Dición Especial de Madrid nos liga.

Un humenaje de mao, a Madrid. en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. Solicitate a tu beca en fundación la caixa.org He's back again. Old school back in the day. We're all starting before them all. I'm feeling right why I can't die you this. This podcast is so fun and crazy. And there's no rules. Shut up! You're ruining this! Break the bar, damn it! I'm sorry. It's comedy podcast.

This is an NPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show? This is the original. Original. Original Original Original And we're here YKWD back on the old stream yad the stream yad Cuz we couldn't get into the studio So I went to my shed with a cigar and a couple of friends

What's up fuckers? YKWD back you watching this on a yetub Please subscribe. Don't be a douche Subscribe just subscribe subscribe subscribe That's the way it works and if you're on patreon. subscribe. That's the way it works. And if you're on patreon.com, that's Robert Kelly. Holy shit, you're a great person. And you're a fan of mine.

And you support everything I do. God bless you. And God bless you, mama and I, your children and do. We're back. It's a very cool, funky episode. This is a pandemic style. That's right. The easy way we used to do this fucking thing. Before we do, you got to get your own studio.

Oh, you're going to get a producer who knows how to edit. You got to put fucking through your crowd work, TikToks. You're going to put fucking clips up of your stand up. It doesn't matter if it's funny or not. They're not listening. What are you fucking bitch? Clips up of you stand up. It doesn't matter if it's funny or not. They're not listening Today show is very special because it's about specials Somebody's microphone is way too loud

And I can hear it in the back line so no one's talking to you yet You keep your sassy mouth shut. Comments can't. There's one thing about comics. They can't just sit in the background and let shit someone else be funny. I'm not done with my opening rant you know what dude oh fucking what a bad week what a fucking bad week shit shit things have happened in the world but this is special this is a good thing these two young men that I have on tonight one has a new special out, the other one has another special out. I just shot my special and it's gonna be a very special

YKWD because we're gonna be talking all about specials, special specials, specials. So let's bring out these two special guests right now. The first one, yes, and the second one, sex with men is his black name is his alias. What's up, boys? How you doing? Good, Bob. How you doing, fella? I'm doing good. You fucking mother's like, I mean, you have one wild eyebrow that just goes's my luck goes it's the lucky one and he I've advised him twice I was like hey, just like as a professional courtesy. I've told him about it. He just goes. No, no, he doesn't hear it

Yeah, Kp. Don't turn on me yet you cock sack. I used to move Okay, I love you don't bother Mike. He's gonna do nothing for your career I'm gonna look up here. I'm not gonna look in his eyes. I told him about a twice and but he does nothing about it. I agree with you is eyebrows with It's a lucky eyebrow, okay, and it's a luck. Why don't you try grow one? I have a lot of lucky ass hair, but that's that fell out. I don't have eyebrows at all. So I have nothing. There's, it's just nothing. Oh, yeah. How do you really do you have hair?

It's up because my computer is broken. So every once in a while, I'll look this way because I have a monitor that works. So I can see you. Why is your computer broken and why would you break? Why do we need to know that? Because if I look off in the distance and you guys think I'm paying attention to something else, I don't want you to shout at me. Dude, well, there's fucking NHL hockey on tonight.

I know NBA too. There's a lot of going on. So if I saw you looking to the right, knowing what the fucking jock queer you are, I would not add it, because I need... Dude, I got fucking money on the bucks. The bucks aren't even in anymore, man. Fuck the bucks, that's what I say.

If you don't, they broke my computer going through security in the airport. Shut your face. Yeah, the monitor cracked. What? From the whole thing. There's no way to prove it either because it was just fine before I left and then when I got home It was broken. Okay, let me ask you see please tell me to the The security to get on the plane or what do you mean? Yeah security to get on the plane?

So you got to take it out you got to put in thing whatever and Yeah, they broke it just broke in that time. Okay, so when I take my first of all, you don't have TSA. Precheck. I just got it. I know. I mean, your your headphones look like you got them on a 96 Delta flight. Thanks, Kate. six Delta flight.

Thanks, K. You fucking ass. 96 Delta flight. I thought it was at all. Yes, it is. Seven eight. It's almost 30 years at this point. Listen, a cannon.

Just deal with the fucking facts that I'm sending you. You gray-haired fucking cool. Okay. I'm going to fucking that Spireless Cunt KP for backup. You always talk back up. I'm sorry half pipe eyebrow. Listen. Nothing. Listen.

I held it in. Listen, you should help. You should hold it in. Listen. You mean you stomach? I don't understand how you went. First of all, when you fly anywhere, you should be TSA approved. No, I certainly agree with that. I scheduled an appointment for global and then also pre-check, but we were supposed to meet during the pandemic. And then that got pushed for two years.

And then I never got the chance to do it. And before you know it, I'm all over the place. You have to be careful. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. and also pre-check, but we were supposed to meet during the pandemic, and then that got pushed for two years, and then I never got the chance to do it, and before you know it, I'm all over the place. You have to get clear if you feel like. Yeah, that's what I just got.

I actually had to sign up on Ari's account. I was in St. Louis with Ari, and he signed me up on his account so I could do a podcast at his gate. so I could do a podcast at his gate. Well, that kind of goes back to the thing you were saying, Bobby, that you actually enjoy the lounge, the Delta lounge and all that shit. Fuck yes.

Yeah, dude, I don't live that life. I live. You know, listen, it's not a life you can, you can, it's a attainable. You just have to get a credit card for Delta If you fly Delta you get a credit card Delta credit card and they give you the lounge Wait, that's it. You just get the credit card. No, it's not true because I got a Delta credit card And you got to get a certain a certain one. There's like you got to get like a certain plan

Yeah, you can get you it's the amax delta and you get it and you get in the lounge Yeah, and get double points Yeah, yeah, so it is true. So don't say it's not true because it absolutely fucking is true cannon Yeah, but the the intro the intro Delta card doesn't come with the lounge You have to get it. Get the card. Get the card. So look at what K.P. is living right now. He's getting the intro card. Yeah.

He's in a Ukrainian safehold right now. He's not flying anywhere as what you're saying. Yeah. Where he goes. He's with bike distance. Guys, what kind of lounge can I go on with a frontier airline critical? Maybe I'm not even kidding. I've when I flew down to Tampa to open for you at side splinters. Yeah, when I landed there

They thought that I had escaped from a rehab because all my clothes were in a plastic bag in front of me. Oh nice, dude You went full Tommy boy. Oh, it was bad Dude, I I forget what the deal was but I for some reason I was running a lay, I was coming from work, and I had a plastic, clear plastic bag. I put my clothes in it. I had to close in the back seat. I forgot my backpack. So I just threw all my belongings into a backpack, got on the plane, flew down there, and

then Bobby didn't show up till the Thursday, so I'm sorry, Friday. So the Thursday was by myself, and it literally, when I landed, people were looking at me, it was pretty much like I'd escaped like a halfway house or something like Yeah, like all this kids. Oh you was at the airport. You have to have all your shit to clear back The only way it could have looked worse is if I had a stick with a bandana and a snack in it behind me on my back You know what I mean just walking around? Oh, shit. K.P. Do you need a suitcase dude? I'm getting concerned. Nice suitcase. Here's where I'm getting concerned, because you and so many other like good like people in my life

just are giving me stuff all the time, where it's making me realize how poor I see. Well, it's not that, dude. I used to get shit all the time too when I first moved to New York. You've never given me anything. You've never needed anything, Mike. You're doing very well.

This is, I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. shit all the time too when I first moved to New York. You've never given me anything. You've never needed anything Mike you're doing very well. This is Bobby shirt. Bobby gave me the shirt. Oh my bar still? Yeah I gave that to you. You're wearing third hand merch. Bobby has given me. Hey thanks for coming on. Here's a lot of me has given me a lot of myself straight down the ladders. Hey, thanks for coming on. Here's a shirt that will never fit you. Well, I'm looking at fucking

seven triple X's and cubes right in front of me, typing out fucking sports results. And you can't get me one of the shirts you've got seconds. We have a dude you got to get stuff from people. I got stuff from people when I first, uh, dude, I still live for the day that, uh, Siphah sound comes into the cellar with his giveaways. Oh, I love, I love that. Yeah, I did. He comes, it comes down. He gives away fucking, I I mean top of the line Hip hop gear the bathing ape stuff, right? Does he have a ton of that I always felt weird about wearing that though like I was secretly wearing a slur

Like is the word ape. Yeah, I don't know. It just made me feel uncomfortable That doesn't show up in any of my racist chat rooms. I'm in Mike So you're okay, okay, Maybe it's just a blind spot. I have personally. My militia group has no clue what that means. Bayley Gabe is great, great, great colleagues. I was my dream. I was trying, I was very close to have a re block, like kind of sponsor me. And what you were going to have your own sneaker?

No, they were just gonna give me free shit to wear on stage, like clothes, you know what I mean? Yeah, like a jumpsuit. Yeah, like a jumpsuit. You wanna keep springing, fucking queer? And you feel like Garth Algar and Wayne's world. Here we go, there's fucking, there doesn't have those two ponies with them

to fuck them back up. I don goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. They were gonna give me a whole bunch of them were at the seller one night. They came out there like that was with big. I was like, I love Reba. Hey, call us. Tidda. I was like, yeah.

And it fell through the cracks. Probably once they realized they saw my Instagram, they're like, yeah, this isn't gonna work for us. Fucking do stinger. Where you was that in shape, Bobby? No, this was out gonna work for us. Fucking do stanker. Where you was that in shape, Bobby? No, this was out of shape, Bobby. What does he bring it up? I didn't know.

Yeah, cool clothes. That's baby clothes, dude. Those are baby clothes. This is this is bathing apes clothes for adult men. Wow, that's weird. A gang I'm had. I don't even know what that is. I don't understand what you're talking about here.

These are bathing apes line of clothes for adult men. This is what men wear from their line. I, I don't, I would never wear any of that. I know. You're a real man. But no one at the mining camp that I work at knows what you're talking about right now. You're a militia and you were going to my camp. You know, there's a lot of places.

We're fighting the cold wars here. Are you serious, mush? Yes, Bayesian ape is one of those lines where people buy it and then they resell it for like 10 times as much as they bought it for. What a taxing fucking life. Having a buy. You know, he's the derosa. He's the guy Jeff, a eBay. Because Justin Silva taught him how to buy fancy clothes off of eBay.

I buy clothes off of eBay. Like what? Like all of my clothes. All of my, all of my graphic. I bought the Michael Jordan minor league baseball jersey of a V Bay. I bought all my starter jackets over the pandemic. It's not what I'm talking about. You're buying nostalgic sports, inferior shit, which I understand a Pac-Man shirt. Okay. I got a cool graphic I get some graphic tees from too. Yeah, I was buying luxury items like fancy clothes, like shoes you couldn't get.

You know, he couldn't afford, but on eBay, secondhand, you know, people buy them. eBay is six sneakers now. I'm not into sneakers, man. I'm just not into them. I don't, I get it. Everybody loves them. Yeah. Verzy, you de Stefano, Janice, you're sneaker matches the thing. You don't want to get

them wet. Okay. But I'm too old. Well, my business was like, we're in high heels. I couldn't even fucking walk. Right. But don't you have the thing? So the reason why I like sneakers and I'm not the same as as a lot of other people, like, I don't preserve them perfectly. I like sneakers and I'm not the same as as a lot of other people. Like I don't preserve them perfectly. I'm not, I'm not the model sneaker owner. I just love how they look and I always, it's because I didn't get them as a kid. Like I just do. You look at your work at Studio 54, you cocksucker.

Well, I mean, you don't like them. No, they're too big. You're in a fucking house. I don't look, do I look like I'm at a silent rave? That was Carl Carlson with everlasting love. DJ Mike Cannon firing them off all night here for you folks. We gotta come out. G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G That's right. That was fun though.

It was fun. Let's do it again before the end of the show. Let's try that again. What was it? What were we saying? You send like Hyman Roth. Nothing. Godfather too.

I was a good reference. I've seen Godfather too. I actually talked about that today. I've seen the first one. I've seen Godfather to I actually talked about that today. I've seen the first one. I've never seen the second one. I'm an idiot. Really? Yeah, and I know I'm going to love it.

Godfather's one of my favorite movies. I have a real issue with this stuff. It's the only one of the only sequels ever that's better than the first one. I hear the girls too. It's not the better. You know, Terminator 2. It's not the matter. Terminator two. It's not.

Terminator two, aliens. Yeah. Aliens absolutely terminated to, I would say, yes, the Godfather to is not better than one. It's debatable. The one they've taken, they took out, when you see it, you make, oh, this is a lot of the shift from the Godfather. One just redone in the Godfather too. I mean, am I right? KP?

It's what then with the Nero right? Yeah, I was gonna say then you're getting young to Nero plan. I'm sorry. Deneuro playing young Marlon Brando. That's kind of incredible. I understand that everybody says that yeah, but you get to go back in time. It's not as epic as seeing Michael's transformation from a soldier, a fucking, you know, he was supposed to be a lawyer. He was supposed to go some other way and then see him transform into the fucking dawn where he goes, I got it, Dad, everything's going to be alright. I'm taking care of you now.

And then his hands weren't shaking in front of the hospital all the shit that went he went through to get to the end of the and then they killed all fucking spoil alert the five heads of the family. Hey spoiler alert 76 we don't want to ruin nothing for you. God that was the joke KP. That was the joke. They killed James Khan in the first one so when he does it, well he's my favorite character and the whole thing. We talked about it today. Did you have the same hair? Uh, Mike, can I tell both Mike's this, if this is okay.

You said this is the one that's haunting me right now that you said to me recently. You looked at me, that Bobby just goes, why does your hair look like hey? Sorry about that. I shouldn't have talking about hair. It's been haunting me every morning I wake up, and I was like, I better put, I need to comb it. I better put it. It does lay like a feral cow's hair. Sorry, sorry.

I apologize. Oh my god, I'm panicking. Sorry. I apologize. Sorry That was the best line I had all day Yeah, it's his great, but it's like he has the same like, like if you had a fucking hit pop band in the fucking early night. Yeah, I have kind of a peach pit hair. Why don't you die it? Because I don't want to.

Well, I'm not saying it like you should. You don't have to be so defensive. You're in a country mode tonight, which I don't know. Not at all. But I, well, I, why don't, but why don't you die it? It's not like, oh, just because in a county mode tonight, which I know, not at all. But why don't you die? It's not just because the maintenance of it, like that's why it's it's because I do not want to keep up with the maintenance. That's such a better answer than because I don't want to.

But that is I don't want to. But this is a reason behind it. We're doing a podcast. We're not on a fucking train. You asked, hall, am I going to go to sleep? Leave me alone. I said, fucking can't leave. I busy behind it. We're doing a podcast. We're not on a fucking train. You ask, hall, I'm gonna go to sleep. Leave me alone. Let's say you fucking can't leave. I'll do a KP.

You fucking moody shit tonight. You fuck, Saka. I feel like an explanation. That's a fucking, because when I used to die my hair, at the end, I had to die at the sides. And I got my go-t at one point, which was fucking devastating. You did like AJ from Backstreet Boys. You filled it in with mascara. Me and Keith called it our medicine. You know, you show up a little gray, a little fucking

little whispy. He's like, yo man, you need a medicine. Yeah, that was the taxing part of it is that you'd forget, you'd forget to do it. You'd be running out, you're like, oh, fuck, I remember one on it, but mascara. And it's, it's blood. Like Rudy Giuliani. Is that the saddest thing you've ever seen? Yeah, just the one great man. He finally looks like the drag queens that he kicked at a time square. That was a fucking good one, baby. Thank you. Listen, he was the best.

He was the motherfucker. He saved the best. He was the motherfucker. He saved New York. He's September 11th. And then just see him on a hot day and nobody told him, hey, Rudy, don't use that's going to melt. And that's not even like top five craziest moments of his 10 year there. I'll say this right guy right. Right guy right time. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Right guy right time for sure. But then man, what a fall from grace. Well, he's the classic Harvey Dent. You either die a hero or live long enough to be the villain. This guy. That's just what it be. Yeah, he I really liked Julianna though. When I first moved here and he he's cleaned up the whole city

You know, it was fight it was great Just to be able to go down to Washington Square Park at one point and walk through it and not be Petrified because I had to walk through that at night to go back to the east side I had to go like around the park or through the park and it was terrifying. It is now. It is again terrifying. Yeah, because of fucking what's your name? What's your name?

Who? Was that broads name that was mayor for a while? Oh, God. Man, look at it. Dude. Jesus Christ. He looks like a bad morgue. Like they made him up poorly when he died. Jesus Christ, that picture is forever. Oh, he has a goal. There's a little Kevin Nealin

with boobs on his head from a little Nikki going. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, that's good. You said Washington Square Park, Bobby. mean that's if I'm so dumb I'm really I'm from New Jersey. I'm dumb so I don't know this nobody in this fucking room is smart It's the same what you can say. I don't know much is doing a good job with the technical shit But I fell asleep 20 minutes ago I'm in a prostitute hotel right now. So where are you? I'm in a motel and point pleasant. Oh, dude, you got to go outside and score some ass mush. Well, there's two guys selling something outside my door. Dude, have yourself a cellar. You got him upstairs

right now. He's asleep. You like to be pub? Into his room. We got the key. We'll let you go in there and just run through his ass for a f hour. You like a big body, let you know? He's got a hairy back so you can grip him real good. No, Harry, the so the wig you put on him to make it so you're not gay is gonna stay on. The poor mosh gets raped tonight. This will be a very sad podcast. Oh, man. No, that's happening.

You're staying in my place. It's I'm I'm wishing on that like it's the secret. I'm just gonna hear I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. cannon man big fan. I'm like, Sherrod, is that you? Hey, Bobby, say less. Oh, man. Oh, shit. Actually, it was weird because I was asking this early. So it's Washington Square Parks, the one with the weird arc thing that's in the park, right? There was in Ghostbusters.

Yes. Do you guys know that was designed by a pedophile? Isn't everyone? That was designed by my dad. That's a... My apologize, Michael. I'm just wasting my coach. I'm just wasting my coach.

I'm just wasting my coach. What do you mean by a pedophile? What do you mean? Who's the pedophile? So this is... It's going to hang out there, too. Do you know that was mean by a pedophile? What do you mean? Who's who's the pedophile? So this Hangout there too. Do you know that was designed by a pedophile? Pose for reaction and wait and wait and go

What do you mean? Well the bulls and your court fellows? What do you got there? I could spit screen now Now this was, oh yeah, I had to do that. It was weird. It was. I'm asking for water from who you producer. My wife, Mickey. That's a different Nicky. Oh, it's different Nicky You have no cold living in your fucking house. She walks in. I'm going to fire. How happy is Nicky that I'm gone for three weeks.

She's all mic all the time. You're gone for three weeks. Yeah, baby. Wow. Where are you going to your tiny home? No, no. Wow, where are you going to your tiny home? No, no Paris Rome, Milan Minsk No Amsterdam Sweden, Germany

Wow Yeah, where in Germany? Okay, I'm so I interrupted you tell your story there scarecrow Are you talking to me? No, it's me because I'm a scarecrow. My hair's made of hay. Oh, I love your hair. I thought it would kill for you. It's good. Great.

That's good. We may work now. Canon has base player here. I love it. Okay. What do you got? Play base. If this was a band, by the way, Bobby's a lead singer,

Ken, it's playing bass and maybe I like know how to do drums or something. What's your, your tambourine? That's right. And I got assaulted on the bus. Yeah, and Bush gets raped on the bus. He's a rape doll. Damn, oh, Jesus. He makes, he makes enchiladas and we rape him. It's called a gunsel.

Oh, it's called a gunsel. That's the word for that folks. Now that, that weird thing, this dude, Stanford, white, he was like the big architect in the city. And when he died, he got shot in Madison Square Garden. Yeah. And when he died, they didn't investigation into him because everybody hated the guy who shot him because they thought he was an asshole And then it turns out this guy had like an Epstein island, but in Manhattan where

So France Island and the heart of In the heart of Manhattan. Yeah, so they had the ride on the way over there They could gone to let it get fucking They could gondola to get fucking it's not a wise. Yeah. Oh, wow. You see him stand for white. So when he got whacked, you got killed. He looks like my

barber, dude. It's there. Oh, he looks like I mean, half of Williams Berg has some answers, you know. That guy is a tattoo artist and Bushwick. He's Christ. So it's a, it was Harry Kendall that whacked him and the whole weird thing, though though was that when this guy was alive He was so popular then when he died

They did the investigation they broke into his like a big like mansion that he had like maybe on fifth avenue or something Maybe mush can find that part. I forget where his house was but They went into his house like really cool-looking house everything modern architecture And then he had one room that was just painted green. Everything was painted green. I'm sorry, everything was painted red. And then there was a green IV swing in the middle of the room and he used to bring young girls there

to do unspeakable things too. Oh, young girls? Yes, that was his thing. He used to bring underage girls. One of them was like a Pepsi Cola model that was like pretty famous. Like when you see the old Pepsi signs, that's her. Well time I see them with her getting raped, thanks. Oh yeah, because that, I mean, Bernie Spears turned out just fine, right? She was endorsed by Pepsi. She did great. She was

doing blow on a private jet at 11. What's she really doing below? Yeah, yeah, I think that's what's up. Thank you. Is that your wife? Yeah, you call the best. Hi, how you doing? Let's say hi She says hi boys and she shook her ass She slapped that candy face right She slapped that candy face right? Chip jitt tooth. What are you looking up there? Mosh, what do you got? Mosh is fine. All the story that this is all legit. This is real. What is it? That guy he did um, oh the girl was she's at the page.

She looks like she's fucking 35. Well, there were different times by the Kelly. There were different times. I'm 13 year rolls look 38. That's weird. Oh my god. I mean, dude, she looks older than young, like, young little kid. Wait, why do you know this KP? You have favorite pedophiles? Um, I get people that, uh, for American loser, the show I do with the old man, they send me ridiculous shit. And uh, it was literally

like a friend of my dad's like, you guys probably talk about this guy. He got murdered Madison Square Garden. We're like, oh, cool. Why? And then we go down the thing and like, oh, wow, pedophile ring, all the elites in New York. Who's your third favorite pedophile? Hang on. Because I don't want to go out of order here because number one Stanford white. Epstein obviously that's just a popular choice. Third favorite. Epstein is like the beat of pedophiles. It's like, yeah, of course, everybody's nice.

He's got mass appeal. Huh? Nobody ever thinks Clinton. No, but yeah, I mean, I don't know if he's my favorite. Favorite. Michael Jackson. I mean, go ahead, great songs. I mean, to go with Emperor, the hero from Rome, that's a pretty good one.

Oh, that guy's pretty nuts. Didn't he like burn his own genitals off with acid or something like that? Yeah, I think he also married someone and then changed his gender during the marriage to like Rome was wild. Yeah, I really just I can't wait. I just quoted to Stefan. I'm so sorry. You said why is that? He says Rome as wild. Rome was wild. That was when he had hyenas that I that yeah, that was like their whole their own language. It's very I wish that show by the way. I wish those two idiots stayed together. I was on it. It was great. It was a very fun show. Yeah, I was I said 13 words on my episode. I wish you did it on this episode Well, Moshe even turned on his mic for that laugh

Well, Mosh even turned on his mic for that laugh. I wanted you to feel that. Did you get that? Did you get that thing in the background? Did you paint that? Uh, Mr. Yeah, what is that? It's a Michael Jordan wooden plaque from the Barcelona Olympics. Is that from eBay? Did you buy that off eBay?

No, I got that when I was seven years old from my aunt and uncle. Is that a real thing? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right there. Right there. You're being sports junk. Yeah. Um, how's your spare? Let's talk. I really wanted you guys on tonight. I know with with Yammer and because we can all just yap forever. But you guys both release specials in the last couple weeks. Yeah. Um, Canon, you released yours. That's right.

Now, uh, and, uh, and, and K.P., you just released yours the other day. Uh, yeah, that's about 24 hours old now. Let me ask you question. K.P., where did you release yours? Where did you film yours? Who shot it? And where did you release it? Where did you film yours? Who shot it and where did you release it? I got lucky man got good people looking out for me here

So we've got a couple things. It's a number one is It was we filmed it at the smod castle, which is a pretty cool place. What is that tell me what that is that is Kevin Smith's Right where they filmed clerks. So it's literally like right there. So where the quick stop is from clerks. Yeah. Where Randall worked the video store. They turned that into a black box theater.

No shit. Yeah, I'm pretty excited about that. So it was very cool looking. They had just finished clerks three at the time. So I was very cool looking. They had just finished Clark's three at the time. So I got excited. I'm there. He pulled it off. Thank you, mush. Who's the dog? Who's dog is that? That's my dead dog, Eddie. And I was very sad. So you killed it. Yeah. I mean, it was, uh, yeah, that's the specials, just me killing the dog. I mean, like, listen, dude, yeah, I just can't take care of you if I film the special.

So listen, things are happening. Good. I need a backstory for the poster. It's way sadder than you wanted to be. Friggin, hang on one second, you're making sure. Mush, microphones good, everything's okay. I just saw the text. Oh, yeah, that's okay. just saw the text oh yeah okay thank you

man sorry about that so the poster thing was I knew it was gonna be the album art for it but the guy that I paid to do it his name is Craig Mahoney he's fabulously I know Craig dude he's he's so talented he is a classic artist though where he's flaky as fuck. So he dodged me for a good year and a half on this project after I paid him for it. And he always, but he would send the updates every couple of weeks, hey man, working on it, you know, and I was like, is this a lean on the Vinci?

That's, yeah. I was like, does it take two years? Is this the Sistine Chapel I'm asking for right now? But he eventually comes up with... It's good. It's not back. But it does you by the year of the month. Well, it was cool. So one of my favorite movies is Escape from New York. So I wanted to do a spoof of that and it was Escape from Jacksonville.

Because when I got stuck down in Jacksonville, I was in hell. And then I was out of the military. I had to figure out what the hell I was going to do. And I bailed and I came back up to Jersey, all I brought with me was the dog. So that kind of is resonated. You were, were you married, right? I might as well have been. It was everything short of marriage.

We owned a house together. We were on the mortgage together. Together four and a half years, I paid our cell phone bill, I paid our insurance, everything. Damn, you're a fucking sucker, dude. I hate it. Ken is like, give her a knockup, a girl more successful than you and then you're hosting.

You're a fucking crazy guy. Jesus Christ, Ken. You go, I was, I know you did. You did, Daniel. No, what are you doing? You're weird. You're weird. You're weird.

You're high right now. Who's that? Who's saying that? What did you take, Edible? What did you take? No. I can't. You know what?

I love you so much, but I hope you, I hope you OD. And I can't wait here in an A A meeting with me and all my friends I ate too many gummies When every time you do my fucking show I can tell when you two doped up I'm not though. I'm having a great time I'm sure great time to you having a great time. I'm sure. Great time too. You're not sharp. Your shop is a fucking asshole. My asshole has some pretty spiky roids right now. So that's pretty sharp. Damn. It works.

Who's this checkered? Sherry Roots. works. Yeah. Yeah. Let's check it. Share me. It's. Okay. Well, K.P. So you did did a did a day. Who else is from the special day, by the way? Anybody?

Say that again. Who else is filmed there special at the schmodcast? Nobody. So clerks three literally wrapped the weekend before I got in there because I got to be good friends with those guys. I did a roast of Brian O'Halloran who played Dante. Yeah.

And Brian Johnson was there. He's been a YKWD. I love Brian. How's he doing? Brian. He's great, man. Very funny dude. I sent him the special. He has not responded back. So that means he likes it. I don't like the f**k. I know what I'm doing. Should I say that out loud? Yeah, you did. That's good. He's a great guy. He's a fantastic guy.

Bobby, don't you love that when it comes to Edibles it's the only time someone's ever eaten half a cookie. to Edibles, it's the only time someone's ever eaten half a cookie. That's a good joke. I'm going to stand by that one. I don't eat cookies. Oh, I just have I just have gummies. He said gummies, not cookies. Oh, and I, I actually have a, um, a rice crispy treat behind me. Should I get it? Yeah, just close to offering it to us, Bobby, through the TV. I want you to get fucking wasted right now. I do love my cannon, but it'll be easier to tell this part of the story without him. So I got to be friends with all the clerks guys, because they all kind of live and understand they got to come back to Jersey to do this stuff. And then they let me film the we recorded something and

your boy, Chris L's, the great Chris L's from Laf button came through. And he was one of my guest people in the audience. And he told me, goes, Hey, let's talk about this. And then now I've had them on board. And without them, I would have been lost. I would have just had a dumb YouTube video up of me doing stand up. They've rolled out fucking everything for me, man. And my buddy, Christian Cordez, who's a, you guys, I know Ken likes Hip Hop, Bobby, 90s Hip Hop. Do you know PM Dawn?

I love PM Dawn. That's how good it is. Yeah, what was this song they had? Said a drift on memory bliss. Yeah, how'd that go? It was really catchy. What was it? Well, they sampled another song from the 80s.

Yeah, but what was the riff? It was really... Are you making me sing, Steve, right now? No, I just... I just see it. That's exactly what he's doing. What a... Said a drift on memory bliss.

No, the other one. They had another hit. They had a couple. I'd die without you. There was a bunch of good songs couple. I'd die without you. There was a bunch of good songs there. I'd die without you. I'd die without you. So you ready for this?

Prince B, the big guy you were just talking about. Yeah. Prince B. The Jersey City. His son is my podcast producer. That's Koona. Get the fuck, really? That's Christian Cortez, man.

He's super talented filmmaker. He filmed the special He got a bunch of guy. He looks just like his dad man. It's fucking crazy. Is that his dad or him? That's his dad right there in the house and now he's fine. Yeah, yeah They yeah, they were great. They're fucking hippie hippie kind of rap r&b right like that had banned well, they were doing like speaking or singing their rhymes before like being like they were the counter to the there's actually a weird beef with them in K.R.S. one or something like that. I forget what the whole deal is.

But um, I mean in that fucking right. We just have foam in from the corner your mouth. We just scream. Nick, Nick, Nick, oh, Mike's next special is going to be him doing crowd work on fentanyl. Hey, that might be it. That might that might be in the cards. Hey, now, Canon, you did your special by yourself too, right? Sure did Bob. Second one. Second one you did your special by yourself too, right?

Sure did Bob, second one. Second one you did by yourself. Yeah. Now where'd you shoot yours? Try out theater on the upper west side. Oh, I love that theater. Yeah, it's really nice. It's like small, intimate, 130 seats,

and kind of plays big, I guess. No, I love that. I've done shows there long time ago Someone did a show they were running shows there on weekends and did they do they did a play there too Lewis big Jay I think they did the Ha the musical right yeah, yeah, well, it's up with the name though white privilege homeless What is that because you know pick in the name of the special means something. What is it? Um, it is, well, it's the punch of a big bit. And also it is basically a definition of what I was for 14 months, which is the

central theme of the whole show, which is I was living in a giant house with my in-laws and yet remained wildly frustrated and enraged. I was about the pandemic. Yeah, or not about the pandemic, just about what happened to my family. Like not. I don't like to mask jokes or even like, yeah, I don't do any takes or anything like that or talk about the pandemic. I just talk about how we had to live there. You had to live with your in-laws. Yeah, for 14 months. What an epic fucking. We used to see your stupid photo, that painting. Yeah, the Gustav Klimt. Behind me, and that's the thing, is like, you know, they were super generous. They allowed us to

live in their home for 14 months, and yet I, you know, still, still a tricky situation in navigate. Tricky says you're a comedian. Yeah, oh, in terms of like the writing and the material. Yeah, we can't let anything go. We can't see, we have to rip everything apart. We have to tear apart. It took me a while, though. You ever, you ever not realize that you're kind of like

too enraged by something to be funny about it. And then all of a sudden, it just rolls out. Like you just, you just kind of get over it and then the material comes from it. Yeah, I mean, people always say, when are you going to write about being in Juvijail? It's like, dude, I, I haven't yet. It just hasn't come out yet. It's still fucked up to me to think about all that shit. Yeah. Oh, it's not, I mean, this isn't really comparative to Jovey Jail for sure. Well, you're, you're, you're fucking, you know, you're a little time of fucking, uh,

discomfort. Of whoa, of discomfort. I mean, living with your wife and your new baby in, you know, going from, you, I mean, being hot, everything going good. This is awesome to your life is taken away. Yeah. I mean, comedy, let's be honest, I believe is our first love. You know, we're in love with comedy, you know, and then somewhere along the line, it becomes

our side piece. If you have a healthy marriage, you know, that is a problem. Fucking see the kid on weekends. That was my downfall was the the chick I was with gave a lot of stuff to her down in Jacksonville, bought her a house, bought her everything. Then she saw me doing stand up. She just goes, Oh, wow, there's something you like more than me and it became competitive. Was it that? Oh, was it the stand up? She's like, you like that more than me? I'm gonna say, it was a knife there. It was also that I gained 40 pounds after I got out of that military.

That was the tough one, man. So I've been up and down my whole fucking career in Chobas is gaining weight and then losing weight. I remember the top guy at CAA, I mean the top of the top one day I lost all the weight. I was shredded again. I was 2008, 2007 and he came up to me out one of these big event in Vegas. Because you look great man. You're're gonna keep it off this time. Oh, yeah. Imagine you said that to a check. That would be so funny. Now, looking good, sweetie.

Hopefully you keep that shit off for a while, right? Bobby did the roles change that you were being offered, like in terms of that, because I know just just from having roles to none Well, you eat plenty of roles by gaining roles you lost roles Roll jokes Cuz I'll tell you what my mean one was when I was in shape when I was doing good again I had the the short haircut all of my roles were, hey, we're looking for a guy to play background officer

or a resting officer, I was a cop in everything. Yeah. And as soon as I put on like 15 more pounds, like, hey, we have a lacrosse coach available. I find Jim teacher is available. I got, no, I was pretty hot for a minute with roll like law and order. I did a, I did a bunch of stuff for FX. I was on Louis. I did the thing with Leary. I did, you had your deal with FX, right? I had a deal with FX, a pilot deal. I had

two pilot deals with FX. I had a lot of shit like roles coming in, but this, I mean, if you want to be real, this last fat getting this heavy is not, not, you know, show this heavy. I was, you know, this fat guy's on TV. If you look at fat people on TV that play fat people, they're really not that fat in life. Right. Tom De LaWise was a fat guy on TV, but if you saw him, he's really not that fat.

Like in the movie Fatso, he's not that fat. Yeah, that was Bronx, Bronx, Warns. You don't look that big there, are you? No, I wasn't that big, but that vest should have fit my stomach. Dude, you look like that. I actually thought that was Michael Chicklis for a second. That's a good picture of you. Yeah, that was Bronx Warrants and that was God free. God free. And Shulti was in it. Shulti played a I had to

chase Shulti down the streets. Queens naked. You were naked? No, Shulti was but naked. Oh, Shulti's got a big piece by the way. Oh, shilti's got a big piece, by the way. Yeah, he's got a big huge meal. They had a cover with the sock and it was just this dong. Yeah, he had no qualms being naked. He was just fucking naked on set. Yeah, why wouldn't you be? Why wouldn't I be? No, no, if you had that, like if you just had at resting,

a big thick cut of beef that everybody enjoys, why wouldn't you just be like, yeah, this is going to hang out with us. Yeah, 100%. I would be like, first generation immigrant too, isn't he? That's worth following up one. Come on, come on, help me out here. There's a question about whether or not he's circumcised I want to get to. This is whether or not he's circumcised.

Now we're going to watch it. Oh, dick on the action Bobby. I love it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Oh Action Bobby I love it Oh Your cup is dick you cut this dick. You haven't seen anything like that. Oh, no Touched it man, you freaking molested. Oh, that's a puzzle. How did you get under the sack like that? I couldn't see man I was just grabbing you know, I thought it was his arm like a small like a baby leg Look at my vest is up on my tits. Yeah, that was fun, man. I don't, I can't believe that didn't get picked up.

It was a fun show. I remember what was it? The first day of shooting, leery's there, the heads of FX are there. Somebody from Fox is there, which is the parent company of FX. And we were doing a scene where we come into this room. And sometimes you have to hit these marks.

So you've got to say your lines and hit a mark, say a line, hit another mark. And it's hard because you this there was a four people on the scene so we all had to come in and hit these marks and say your line and if one person fucks it up, it's just fucked you back to one, you know, dude, it was bad. We did, dude. There's one take, and they showed me this the next day, where it's just, it's my face,

gov free in the foreground and the other cast members. And he comes in, I think it was take 37. He comes in and goes, yo, where's Mr. Wig? Wig about, and he flocks it up, yo, where's Mr. Wig? What are you talking about? And he fucks it up. I go fuck. And I just, I was like, I'm like, fuck. It was so bad. I thought he was going to get fired, man.

He came up, he pulled up because he would drive me home every day. And he pulled up because of you. Is it bad? I go, yeah, I just got in laughing. I was just fucking bad, dude. Is bad. You better fucking go home and rehearse. I was like, call a friend. Stay up all night and you better know your lines tomorrow because you're getting a hot one

if you come in tomorrow. It was like 40 takes. And we're a low budget. We're low budget. There's the whole people downstairs watching on the monitor. Was that a puzzle? That was a puzzle, leery, serpico, seleti, FX. It was these two guys, two warrant cops in the Bronx. It's a real thing. There's these cops in the Bronx that for extra money, they're kind of like, you know, they go out and they collect warrants and they get all this extra money. It was the Bronx warrants division.

So they would go out like dog, the bounty hunter and collect all these extra cash and do it and and these were the stories that they were telling. I wish it was just based off you though, man. If it was a show of Bobby, the bounty hunter, I would watch that endlessly. It'd be so much better, man. Just, you can still like accept Christy or heart, dude. You know what I mean, dude? I bet there's more tape of Bobby saying the n-word.

You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. I first take all that down. Oh. I, uh, yeah. Yeah, that was a fun one. I was sad that if that got picked up, it would have been epic.

It would have been fucking awesome to shoot that for fucking five years. I think they went with Fox went with Brooklyn 9-1-1, 9-9-9. Brooklyn 9-9 instead. Which I get it, you know, fucking'm fucking it's Goofy or it's sillier. This was more. Yeah, they had a couple more names. Couple names, but it's sillier show. This was more like a rescue me type of show. Right. With the moments. Yeah, that was it. And then we did what else do we do? We did my pilot. What was that about?

What was your thing about? Because I remember being excited about that because it was like your story, right? It was called The Big Me. And it was about, it was almost, it was basically, if you took the movie Faso, which is my favorite movie of all time, one of them. If you took that movie, you made it into a series

and made it contemporary. The old and Tim Dylan was in it. He was my best friend. He played basically Tim Dylan. He gets a lot of you, Junior. That was when Tim was kind of new on the scene. I just fucking loved Tim. Yeah.

So great. And the opening scene is I'm about, I'm going to fucking kill myself. So I was just in a room with a gun and I'm about to blow my fucking brains out. And Tim saved me with a trick-a-treat Snickers bar. And what they say, that wasn't marketable? I think it was, no, the FX loves that crazy shit. Yeah, I know, it's great. But the whole world changed, the whole fucking world changed.

I mean, I was at, I was at FX when we shot, when we shoot in a section of drugs and rock and roll, and FX got called out on the fucking carpet for not having minorities or women. It was all men. It was just a fucking dick swing and guys club. And it was, I mean, it was, you know, leery, it was the shield. It was. It's very nice. The shows were great. Absolutely. Yes. The shows are fantastic. And they were all hits and they were winning fucking award after an award. But they was that what effects was in spike. Louis, Louis, no, Louis, no spike was man man spike was man shit.

Spike was dead. The man awards they they didn't give a fuck, you know, you have C fucking show. They came true, I think, right? Yeah, spike spike switch it up. They the if you remember at that time before that it was all guy shit. That was hit. That was just hitting.

And then that's when they switched over. I mean, the head of FX gave a speech at the upfronts about how we're going to change things. We're going to, and they did, they started out of women directors and a lot of women shows. I mean, if you look, look at this, look at the network now. And they've been sinking ever since. I don't know. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, ever since. I don't know. Are they saying again? I don't think so.

I have no idea. I think the answer is not good. Sorry. Spike is no longer around at all. It was originally the national network. It became Spike. True TV was court TV. That's right.

Court TV is court TV now. True TV is used to be court TV. That's right. Well, court TV is court TV now. Now, true TV is used to be court TV. I just watch court TV all day. Johnny, and then they added a new court TV. Okay. I get really old one. Yeah, FX is does Atlanta now. There's a lot of weird fucking. Atlanta is awesome though. That's a good show. He's fucking great. And uh, and then the other show, I don't know what the fuck it is. So do you watch this? Um, cause I kind of feel this way all the time to where I was like the new stuff isn't catered to me. So I wish I could go back to when I was like the coveted demographic for TV and stuff like that. Cause when I was coming up ages 13 to 35, I think was like the most coveted demographic for like pro wrestling audiences

and stuff like that. Right. And so everybody kind of followed suit. And I enjoyed listening to Joe Rogan on occasion. I totally did. No, I've listened. I've been totally listening. If Mike falls asleep, just shut his camera off, please, most.

And so this is not something for Robbys, I'm not a gov. I was just a lot of things to show, okay? Mike, just do me a favor. Just type into your computer as you're falling asleep. Escape from Jacksonville, you too. Just enter and go to bed, buddy. But yeah, if you've ever rewatched some of that stuff because everybody was going, like, trying to catch the

wrestling audience or whatever, I love Rogan, I love Stanhope. Their man show stuff was sometimes funny and then sometimes incredibly uncomfortable. Well, they were uncomfortable, but the man show itself was a fucked up show. Oh, totally. And I didn't, I might even even care

about the, uh, the original incarnation, yeah. Didn't they open up with just chicks on trampolines with the kid? That's how they closed. That was the closet. Yeah. Opening wishes of camera zooming in on girls like pouring beer over their titties and stuff like that.

Which don't get me wrong is awesome. I was in like eighth grade with a purple dick just watching that show. It was the best. One of them was a Chrissy Hemie and a Mushal no. She went on to be a pro wrestler or something and that was like one of the hottest chicks I've ever seen in my life. So it was very awesome for me for that. But then it's, you know, I get why some change had to happen. But, you know, you do why tough crowd, she pal, the man show, it was a fucking, it was

a fucking man's world back then. You guys had some parties. It was fun. Comedy was fun for those 10 years. It was fun. I remember me and Sharad went on a college tour with Burleigh Bear Network, which is Lauren Michaels spin off. It was Comedy Central for colleges.

Only colleges got the network. I was a VJ. So I would introduce videos. Hey, next up, we got the straight cats, whatever you know, I mean, that's shit. And Sherrod wound up doing some stuff. And then who was it? And Harris, who wound up becoming in the head of Comedy Central was just like, she was an intern, she wound up just working there. So me, her, Sherat, we just went, did colleges. And I know one of these things, we did this flat house and then we would just started throwing Frisbee's at this chandelier.

And they were like, wow. And then they took us into the basement where every room, it was like animal house, every room had a different theme. It was and I'm sober and it was fucking nuts. I had a blast. She's everywhere. I think Sherrod finger popped a chicken, the van. It was, right. Uncomfortable. How many hours later did she wake up? uncomfortable. How many hours later did she wake up? She never woke up. Yeah, no, we had a barrier. The other part. The bars and the frat houts. He fingered her to death. Yeah, I mean, do call you guys don't even know colleges were the fucking thing fuck clubs and we were coming up Barry cats would he and Matt Frost were for Barry it was colleges

you would do college after college after college after college thousands of dollars you'd go in smoking chicks. I mean, we're in our late 20s and just going and doing colleges and making fucking tons of cash. I remember going with Keith Robinson to colleges. One time with me, Keith went to a college. One of my first college with Robinson. And he was so mad.

We showed up at the college. It was my photo. It was Robert Kelly, eight o'clock. It was just, you know, my stupid headshot smiling. And there was no photos in him. Finally angry. He goes, your headlight, motherfucker, you want to be, they got your face up. He called Mad Frost, motherfucker. He's going up last. If they had a one, he was so insulted. He went up and laid the hammer. I've never seen him just fucking ram, burn money, bank, burn, come on, good kind of just killing it.

I think I was, I give it up for Robert Kelly. And as I'm walking by, fall that motherfucker. I did. I smashed it. Fuck you, Keltin. It was so bad. I fucking have a good right? I mean, that was sweet about this too. I want to ask you about it. Like, I've worked with both of you guys a bunch of times, man. When you have a murderous set, you are two points hotter to every girl that's at the show that night. Dude, that night I was getting, I had this chicken my hotel room. I was banging her against the window.

It was so hot. And he's knocking on my door. Let's go, young gun. Let's go, because he wanted to drive home. Six hours, he wanted to drive home. He got Coca-Cola and I had to listen to fucking Motown, whole way home and he fired man Frost eight minutes into the ride It was so funny then he dropped me off in Philly at the train station. He made me take the train home to New York Oh my god. Yeah, dude. He's rough. He's a rough motherfucker

That's awful. Yeah, it was fucking great, dude. It was fun. I mean, I was scared and Philly. He was like four in the morning. I was waiting. I'm waiting for a six o'clock train. It was terrible. But he goes, you'll be fine, player. Just go ahead. Go ahead, go across the street, right in that door, right in there. Go in there, ask for a ticket. Now he sounds like Danira when when he's telling Henry Hill's wife.

Yeah, going there get some dresses. Going there and get some dresses. That's all it is. Oh, dude. I, it sucks you guys. You guys are all doing clubs now, but colleges were fun, man. Colleges is a party. Like, you'd go there and they'd be like, let's go.

Where you guys going? Like, am I wrong? They're dead. I mean, I've done a few, but not in years, I haven't done one in a long time. It's never happened. You've all just with a, with a telling you what to do and not to say and only a couple of like the Catholic ones were like that. But I did, I did Rutgers once and that was actually really fun. And but that was like put on by sororities.

So it was like just a bunch of young gays and in a full auditorium. It was a great show. And then we hung out like at their house after that. And I was like, this is weird man. These are like children girls. And they're like bubbling around with Lisa Frank folders and shit.

And I was just like, all right, I'm going to I'm going to head out of here. And I think somebody much older than me was like, cool. See you. See you tomorrow back in the city. Like, I Oh, this day. That's oh, yeah. I love you not ratting them out now.

Good for you, kid. No. I love you. I love you. Ratten Ben Bailey out. I've never worked with Ben actually. Ben is funny man. Ben used to, Ben was good. He was good. He wasn't that good. He was a good comic, but he wasn't great. And then he started hosting. And when he started hosting,

he became so funny because he had to go up after in between everybody. Chappelle Moore, Patrice, me. He had to go up and down all the time, Chappelle, Moore, Patrice, me, he had to go up and down all the time and then he started doing crowd work and his crowd work shit just popped him off and he just became, you know, when he popped, when he really became funny is when he, he really smashed Keith at that, right?

That roast. That was when everybody was like crazy. Oh, we were like, Ben's we were like Ben's funny like Ben's Yeah, yeah, I think you say that during that thing too, where you admit like okay, Ben's funny now. Oh, man He was he was fucking brilliant. I mean brilliant. He shot and he did like 25 minutes. He did forever He did 25 minutes and Keith came and thought he was gonna improv is set He did 25 minutes and Keith came and thought he was going to improv his set. And thought his charisma was going to fucking make it and it didn't.

That's the best. Then he took it a piece of it. Oh, you want jokes and took it a napkin. And he had a fucking joke written out of napkin and it didn't work. And we're on the back on stretch. Keep going. That was Kelly. Can I ask you a question real quick? What's up, buddy?

I think this is a good one. I'm very honored to be here. It is my first comedy special. I don't know what to do next. I'm nervous about stuff. I know Mike's put out a couple. I've been very, very supportive of him. You're a fucking legend.

You know that. When you put out your first one, did you reach out to anybody, like, for advice on how to do it and how to go about it? Or like, go about what? Doing it? Well, to go about, like, I mean, whether to how you were going to proceed with it, or was there anybody that you reached out to, to maybe look for some advice from somebody to look up to? But what advice to do the special or after both. I would say both one or or either or do. When I did my special, the last one, you, you, uh, I meant the, I'm sorry, I meant the

first one, but I do want to hear what you're saying about the last one. Dude, that was the last one. Before that, you got a special. When I, when I first came out, you got a 15 minutes premium blend, then you got a half hour, and then you got an hour. But in between the premium blend and the hour, they kind of stopped giving shit out.

Netflix stepped into the game, Comedy Center wasn't really doing shit anymore, fucking with guys like me. So I put my own out. We had a company, Brian Vocalist's company came to us once, and then we pulled out, and then they came back to us, and we were a week away, I think two weeks away from shooting with them. We had the schedule, and then they were like,

we had the venue, we had everything, and they they were like we had the venue we had everything and They came back you got a shoot at John Jay theater and I was like why and they were like you have to shoot at John Jay I was like I don't want to do a theater. I'm not a theater comic I'm a club comic. I want to do a club and they were like you have to I go who's shooting there and they were like Steve Burns shooting especially the night before I go so you have the next night and this is a package deal. Are you on my special in the same place Steve Burns shooting his special? Yeah, but we're going to make it look totally different. But it's the same fucking place. Like yeah, I'll call you back in a couple minutes. Just let me think about it. And I never talked to him again. And then you got gotta give it up for Jim Cerberco.

Because Jim was like, dude, we'll do it. I'll do it and we did it. And we got Bobcat to jump in and we shot it. We were the first ones to shoot especially at the Village Underground. And then we, I mean, it was, he put a whole crew and put a lot of favors. We shot it and then after we shot it,. We shot it. And then after we shot it

Comedy Central bought it and then Netflix bought it. So and now it's on Amazon. So You know, it was a different game, you know, it's a different game back when I did that. I was like one of the first ones to shoot Like out of all the group of my guys, your own thing and kind of do it on your own and then sell it to them, presented to them and for them to buy it. But now that's all they do, I think, right? I mean, you got everybody shoots a special, every fucking weed at the village. There's 19 people that have village underground specials now, right? You have one there, Mike, right?

Yeah. Yeah, I did my last one there. Yeah. Um, list, uh, yeah, two there. Run on did one, Sam, Morale did one. Yeah. It does. It's a beautiful space. Ted Alexander, I did one. Yeah, you can. And I'll ask you is my cannon. Should I tell the story or no? Is it bad? What the one about, um, uh, Bobby, uh, talking to me about the specials people shoot. I don't know what you're talking about. Oh God, everyone is just it's affecting you now, sir. We should probably keep that for the Patreon just in case. Understood. It's pretty bad.

Yeah, just watch out. Bobby might use it as a clip. Oh, I get, you know what story it is. It's the one where I get piece of fuck up before I go on stage. My glistens. Nice. And glistens. We've learned our lessons about slug just now. How about this week?

I can't even tell you Joe, Joe sent me the clip for this week. I'm like, no, Liz will get fired. It's a clip. Yeah, but it promotes the patron. Yeah, it's in the patron. Shut the fuck up. No more of this fucking out of the patron in the patron shed.

It stays in the patron in the Patreon shit. It just stays in the Patreon. Yeah, yeah. If we learn the lessons from that fucking clip. Here's a problem with that clip. Vos's line was way too funny. I know, it was perfect. The watch my people be put back on trains. Now I know what it's about.

Woo! Anyways, yeah, everybody shoots special. You can, it doesn't matter anymore. I don't think it sucks that specials, specials don't matter anymore. It's more for, um, to get people to view it somewhere, YouTube or whatever, and then have clips. You got clips. It's for all of it, though.

It matters as a full piece and it matters as clips. It's all a cumulele of effort. It depends what you want, how you want to showcase it. Because there are still people that like to watch hours. There's definitely people that like to do that. But then there's also people that don't and they only consume it through the minute long reels.

When people like less than that an hour now too, like these 30 like DeStovano just put a 35 minute special out. And you know, I mean, it's the whole the whole game is Mishmash now. It's it's it's whatever it is. You don't know what it is. It's a different shit. Yeah, it's cool. I mean, I look you like it because you're in that mix that your life. I don't like it because I But you know, I'm fucking old. I don't know. I like I'm from an older I like a special I like Louis special when he came out

Sorry the thing in the background. It's this kind of big event. I would love to be given a special Like I've waited my entire life for that But it I only like it because I have to like it and I have to it's you might not be given You might not be given that chance to have that big space. Yeah, and that's fine by me I like I like putting together my own thing It's something that I didn't think I would be able to do But I've been able to do it and. And I've done it from the ground up, you know, like really organized some pretty high level production shit.

So I feel good about that. Well, technology's helped out with that. Yeah, totally. Everything is so much smaller now. And you can kind of lining yourself with just people that, you know, are also after the same shit. It's like finding other people that are shooting stuff that are just understand what's going on

and how it's all kind of a symbiotic relationship. Yeah, but it's sad to me to be honest with you because your last special was special. And I think that for Comedy Central or not coming Netflix or whoever to not pick that up, not say, Hey man, this is really good. Like this is a great special. This comic, this young guy is really got a piece of work here. We need to have this on our platform. And we can, we, people need need to see this or they'll just put out the same fucking five people And that bugs me that bothers me that bothers me that

Somebody somewhere didn't see your special and go and maybe they will you never know Yeah, well, but you know It's Amazon Hulu does the paramount NBC You know, Amazon Hulu, Paramount, NBC, peacock, whatever the fuck it is. Somebody should have been like, dude, this is a great special because your last special was special. Yeah, I mean, my current one is really good, I think, but the way I'm choosing to frame it. Is it the crowd work? No, no, white privilege homeless.

The white privilege, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right now, I think is fucking jammin. I mean, is fucking jammin. And it should have been on a like someone should present that to them because it should be on a it should be on a bigger platform, dude. The way the way I'm I'm choosing to look at it, probably out

of self preservation and necessity. But the way the way I'm choosing to look at it is I don't think that these platforms are capable of breaking people anymore. Like so I don't I think they're all after the same real estate as each other to try to gain subscribers and also boost their stock valuation because it's not even about who actually watches their shit. I disagree. I'll tell you why even about who actually watches their shit. It's only I disagree. And I'll tell you why cook everything's day and cook was he had social media and he did

all this stuff. It's not true. Yes, he had that, but comedy central. And I know this for a fact put a million dollars of advertising behind him. Yeah. A million dollars of advertising. So if a company like Netflix or whoever decides you're the next guy and they put $500,000 worth of advertising behind you, put your shit everywhere, put you in variety and all these magazines and get you. These are all things you buy. It's like the Oscars. People

think they win Oscars. They don't win Oscars. They run for an Oscar They have to parties. They have to meet these people. They have to shake hands kiss babies. Same thing with a special Someone gets behind you. They could make you the next motherfucker. Yeah, that's what they did with bird That's what it's in all of it like narrative like you also have to have a good story like Pete But isn't all of it like narrative? Like you also have to have a good story. Like Pete, Pete Davidson has a perfect story for grand success. I mean, it's a, it's really sad and tragic and awful.

But that story, especially being on the New York show, like the New York comedy staple, it's just like, it is a perfect storm of like, good at comedy comedy really great story Continue to push that and learn and He had a lot of people in his corner. He had for sure people. It's no, it's dude is people putting you over Yeah, but Pete David's story means he should be Batman

David's team story means he should be Batman. Just putting out fire. Look at Peter. No, no, but the story is what people use to put you over. Like the narrative behind you. But you need the people to put you over, dude. Yeah, into people to put you over that if, if, um, Pete Davidson started to put you over and really, Billy Burr, or who, a Judd Apatow was like,

this kid special is the next thing. And I want you to see it. And then they see it, this is great, and it keeps going from there. And look, don't forget to, investing like Nate's a perfect example who spent a lot of money each month on social media. Now company that did clips did all these things. He was one of the the first people

to start doing this stuff and he had a company do it and he paid a lot of money for it. So yeah, to get you over, you know, so it's nice. It's yeah, you can do it yourself and it's always great, but you're, I mean, who knows someone someone to see your special. I think I think your special should be on a platform because dude, I've never, I told you this before, you kill in this special, you fucking murder. It's a murderous special. It's not a, that was good. It's a like fucking wow. What the fuck a, that was good. It's a like, fucking, wow, what the fuck is that? You know, you know,

did you watch my special yet? I did not watch special, but I'll tell you right now and I'll blow a smoke up both your asses. And you know, I don't do that. You're opening joke. You did it the other night at that fucking shit fest. We were at And it's on your special and it's on your clip right now. It's fucking hilarious. I Think that that joke with COVID was like fashion started Yeah, it's great. How does it go? You're bit I

Killed it was like fashion cuz yeah Don't fucking fag him out of doing it Smoke up you have fucking old ass for 10 minutes let him have a second of glory a piece of shit Fucking pieces shit cannon fucking routine. He put do you bit do you think Shut up can and let him do your prepare material dummy Good It's weird so no great bit. I'll tell you what it's on my Instagram folks Thanks to laugh button and Bobby Kelly. No dude. Uh, listen KP you've Become so much better in the last couple of years.

I use you all the time, dude. You're fucking hilarious. You're always fucking great. You never, ever fucking fail. And that's a big thing, you know, especially you can come in and do 10 minutes, you can do 30 minutes and you fucking, you kill every time. It's great. And I love seeing that shit like mush, mush got better. Joe Russell's fucking better. I love seeing young guys get good. I love when I saw Canon, when I showed up at that golf course and Canon was murdering. I was like, oh, this fucking cock suck is good now. I love seeing that shit.

I'm doing that place this weekend. Yeah. Oh, who's that for? For the same people. Well, who I think it's gonna be. Stand up in of New York. Yeah, or John at least, like a fucking

orang into that thing. Aaron bird. It was smoke fucking to got me in you. Not it was just me and Aaron bird gig. I was with bird the day you did that gig. That's funny.

That cock sucker. I was like, this is just stand-up New York gig. I'd rather be a seller So funny. I thought I thought he's sucking me like we were hanging out like pals I said that he let he went home That town was so beautiful Jesus Christ Christ, Darian, Connecticut. You should have go, you know, much money they're making on that gig. Oh, so much. They're not.

Yep. So much. Yeah, fuck that aggravates me. I hate when I go into a gig and I see a middleman. Like it was, it was like, um, you know, it was like what like what Connecticut has pockets in these little towns. You know, we drive with you again. It's like a little ghetto, blah, blah, all of a sudden it's Christmas all year long. I don't even know what the name of the town is.

I think they magically, when you leave, they make you forget about the town. So you just get men in black on your as you cross the town line. Yeah, it was a golf course, but it was so magical. And then you went in, it was just these rich white people. Yeah. And inside for this comedy show, and I was like, what the fuck? They had lobster rolls. They had like food we shouldn't have had.

And now. It's a lady from a new news network was like trying to get everybody to do her show. Remember that? Yeah, some weird. It was just fucking weird. It was weird. Her name was Dan Coulter. It was very illuminati-ish though. She had like her husband by the balls like it was at least.

It was weird. I still have the money in my memo. I never used it. Freaky gig. No, we're gonna go and smoke cigars, me and you. It's gonna be a good night. You want to do it? All right, dude. That sounds fun. Well, hang on, friends. Stupid. You're going on after fucking Pete Wiki. Oh,

Anyways, guys, listen, no, you guys both have really great specials out there. I mean, he happened about your fucking specials. I'm so happy you guys are doing it too, because there's a lot of shit specials out there. You guys are very funny. What is your special again there, fucking Staminka? K-Pink? No, no, yours. Staminka means me, I believe.

What is it? It's Escape from Jacksonville, watch it on YouTube. Leave me as many comments as you can, man. I appreciate it. And how long is your special? Well, I think the final cut was 48 minutes. That's great. Make sure you check it out. Very funny guy. First of all, US military Navy. So you should buy it for your country.

That's right. Especially this weekend. Is it? Oh, yeah. What is it this week? Memorial day weekend. That's so fucking hilarious. And of course, my candidate special. Is it now? Where is it available? YouTube.com slash my Canon comedy, white privilege homeless. And also leave comments.

And it's for nothing for nothing. You can go watch. You can go watch the special both of these for nothing, correct? Yeah. I mean, God, man can go watch the special, both of these for nothing, correct? Yeah. I mean, God, man, I swear to God, if I wish I, if I hit, if I was a billionaire, I would fucking stop my own comedy network, and I'd start it with you too. I'd start with Mike first, and then if it took off, I'd die. We have money, do we have money for a KP? I don't know if we do. Can we afford it? It's collateral damage. Well, she's like, what about me?

I'm getting raped in the vestibule. That's right. Repeatedly, dude. Repeatedly. Did that thing kick in yet? You're a little snacky eight? No, actually. So it's definitely going to hit me in the middle of the night. I'm going to get up to piss and get terrified from my cat. I don't get drugs, man. I don't get them. They're the best. I shouldn't. All right. We're going to go to Patreon right now. We have some stuff. stick around. It's not over yet. This episode of YKWD is continuing now exclusively on patreon.com slash rubber Kelly See you there. All right listen KP check out his new special. It is available on his YouTube page. I believe Yes, yes sir YouTube escape from Jacksonville

I love when you're like that escape from Jacksonville very funny comedian check him out wherever he is what's your Instagram again at KP Burke sucks It's true I give it up from my cannon the fucking stoner. Oh come on. I'm more than that. No I'm a dad bring up the kid again. Love you, Bob. Have a great and restful month. You deserve it. It's Daniel. I hate you. I can't love you. And check out his special that's available right now. Okay. It's the both the special very funny man.

I mean, hilarious guys. And I'm so glad I know these young bucks, these next motherfuckers that are coming up. And of course, check out Mike V. Schwartz. At Mike V. Schwartz, he is everywhere. Mike, where are you gonna be this weekend? We're gonna promote. In January and June, I mean,

I'll be somewhere to end 20 with, and this comes out right now. I'm trying to get murdered. All right. Cool. A lot to take care of. Motion. Motion is going to come crash in my place, I think next week. Oh, good.

Good. Why don't you have them now? You piece of shit. I didn't know he was here. All right. And of course, check me out. Robert Kelly live on my dates. Just for laughs nasty show.

The nasty shows a hot one this year big J's hosting it's gonna be fucking great. I will be in Versailles in August and those are my two dates this summer I'm taking the rest of the summer off to be with family and you can go to patreon.com slash robber Kelly because I'll be doing this show for the whole summer this will always be there for you so we'll see you next time on you know what Ah, por el último. Esto siempre va por tu. Entonces, vemos la próxima vez. ¿Y no lo sé? ¿Qué? Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás!

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