Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Mike Recine, Mike Cannon | Firefighter Face

Episode Date: February 20, 2022

This week Bobby's joined by Mike Cannon and Mike Recine to talk choosing to bomb, having an inability to focus and trouble keeping things stiff! Get Surfshark VPN at https://surfshark.deals/KELLY - Enter promo code KELLY for 83% off and 3 extra months free! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta de dónde viene? ¿Sino por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos lia. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.

Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la edición especial de Madrid nos lia. Un número de mao, a Madrid. 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno. Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar tu del 3 por uno en medianas a domicidio solo pidiendo al line. ¿Sapará? 3 por uno, 3 por uno en medianas a domicidios solo pidiendo online. ¿Saparao? 3 por 1, 3 por 1, oh no, no, no, no. ¡Dominos!

Pizza. En las mejores universidades y centros de investigación del mundo, tu talento te mueve. Solicitate o veca en fundación la caixa.org. you What's up? What's up, dude? Dude, what's up, dude? Fuckin' dude, I'm from Boston, dude. And I'm here to fucking, this is what I would have sounded like. If I never, ever left Boston, I'm like, dude, you gotta I would have sounded like if I never ever left Boston I'd like dude got a fucking tree box to go down the fucking North and get myself a chicken palm and then I'm a little

Fucking blow over his bakery and get myself a lobster tail and a fucking cup of cappuccino I'm gonna fight some fucking mother fuckers over downtown fucking Southie fuck that clock zaka I'm gonna rob him and I would have been so much better off. I would have been so much cooler, but I'm not. I'm here and I'm just trying to be, I'm here and I'm side-quare and I'm living a fake life of a husband with a child and a wife when I just want to be gay. I just want to be with a man who has a lot of money. I want a sugar daddy is what I'm saying.

Because I know I can't get a sugar mama, because those are just old, but I can get a young sugar daddy. And I want to get one. I want a young sugar daddy that likes a belly button hernia and a dead toenail. And every once in a while I cut my head shaving, I bleed too much in the shower. So if you're out there, hit me up. DM me, slide in the my DMs on Robert Killer Live.

If not, I'll just go back to my fake life in Westchester. No, I'm kidding. Welcome to the YKWD podcast. That's all you gotta do at the end of the crazy. I'm kidding. Anyway, David Telliq, I'm kidding. Anyways, children fuckers, kidding, it's children's fuckers. Kidding, it's jokes. Bye-bye.

Well, the AK, the Mark Norman. Hey, it's jokes. He cares. Hi, fuck guys. All right, kidding. Comedy. Anyways, welcome to the YKWD. I'm back today, Tuesday in studio.

We got new Nikki, the producer of the YKWD, the boss of the network. She's here. We got a great, the producer of the YKWD, the boss of the network. She's here. We got a great show for you tonight. I'm very excited. We were starting early. We were supposed to start at nine because we want to start early

because I was going to talk to you people alone for 15 minutes. But the guy who made us go at nine o'clock showed up early. So at his eyes, he's right. He's in the right. And my eyes, he's in the wrong. But that's life. That's life. I saw it reach lost tonight for the first time.

We talked in two weeks. Let me just introduce our guests. One of them's here. Micro scenes not here, because he's not supposed to be at till nine because this guy was like, I can only do till nine. I can come at nine if that's good.

If it's not good, then I don't know what I can do because I got a spot. I got a fucking, an 11 minute spot in New York, fucking South Side East West. And, you know, I got to work on that stuff. So that's more important, you know, so nine o'clock. But now I'm here early, so you fuck you. Let's see, Mike can and everybody. Wow, that was a manic episode. Yeah, that entire first couple of minutes. Yeah, that's something to cut. Cut that up. I want a little clip of that.

I want a feeny clip. Oh, yeah, I want to push in. Yeah, push in. Can you do that, Nikki? Yeah, absolutely. Nice. Nice. Welcome to WCWD.

Yeah. That's what you do. Push it in. I like the sugar mama thing though, because you're talking about snacks, not money, right? I was holding onto that for a while. Too long. I can't take this. Put that around your neck and hang yourself.

Yes. Before you do your best hour of comedy. Come see it, it's my best yet. yourself before you do your best hour of comedy. Come see it. It's my best yet. You're hurtful. How else am I supposed to sell it? I'm fucking clawing for dear life over here trying to get people to see why? What because you know, you really ask for help, fuck face. No, why don't you ask me or somebody else? I think I'm doing here.

Oh, yeah, but you're not asking. You think that your appearance alone is gonna sell tickets. You need me to tell people to go buy tickets. That's very true. I don't know. I'm one of those guys, and I think you're the exact same way. That's why I'm where I'm at. I know.

I was talking to somebody about this. I think we were discussing your career. Oh, no. No, we weren't talking about your career. That's interesting to me that you were. So, go ahead. I was talking with Aaron, Putnam, who we both know and love, and we were in the car together,

and I said that I have something very in common with you, where it's hard for me to ask for help. I feel always like I'm in position, and I'm treading to have it. What is it? I'm just like flying too close to the sun. No, no, no, it's not that too. There's also something that I don't know and I probably it's a terrible thing to have I don't want to glom

You know, I don't want to be I don't want to glom on somebody. I don't want to be What's the weird I'm looking for? This ingenuous, fun with you, I'm with you. Yeah, yeah. When I was with Dane, I was loyal. I was, Is this a lot of this stem from shit that happened with that? Well, yeah, I mean, some of that stuff,

it's like, you know, like Colin is the only one, Colin, I would say Colin, and well, like Colin is the only one. Colin, I would say Colin. And well, no, I take that back. Dennis and, and, and, and, and, and Louis too, you know, so these guys, you know, Louis put me on a show because he liked something about me and then had me back on because he likes what I do. So it's like, that's on my own merit. So he gave me an opportunity and I did it. Colin same thing, you know what I mean? He had me, he gave me an opportunity.

Some of them I didn't meet. He gave me a writing, you know, send me a writing pattern. I did and they, they were like, now we're good. But they also fired. They were like, this is in crayon. We don't know what to do with this. Yeah, he wrote the T.O. for every two. He put the THER for all the theirs and then said, you know which one. Yeah, God bless him.

God bless him. But then they fired, I don't know, but they, I'm like, but Keith's a writer. Yeah, and then they fired him. There's plenty of people that are writers. And Norton, he fired him also, so I was like, I get it now. Well, Jim is a writer, he sits down to write, like he writes pieces.

Jim Norton is a writer, he can write. But Keith is, Keith is, Keith, we can't even type with both hands. No, no, no, when he could, when he could, he's gonna want to relax and be one. I bet he actually writes better now with his right hand than he did back then. But yeah, I think it's a weird thing.

You have to, there's a subtlety to asking for help. Yeah. There's a subtlety to asking for help. Yeah. There's a subtlety and some people know how to do it. And I don't, I should do it more. I do feel like I'm okay at it, but I always almost overly pour on how I know I'm being in imposition because I really feel that way. I feel like I'm burdening somebody by just asking

even a good friend. Well, isn't there something in the two that you wanna do it yourself? Yeah, of course. Like you want to just sell it out. Are you kidding? I would love to fucking snap my dick and then have every seat taken up in a heartbeat. There's a select few guys that can do that.

And that's fucking awesome. But right now I'm not at that point. So I got to really churn it out. I'm basically filming myself with come on my face and a goddamn hotel room and grand rapids with Brendan Sagalo. I mean, I'm throwing everything out there, you know? Yeah, and then I sit there and I go, do I wanna support this?

No, not that, but is that hurting it? Sure, yeah, maybe. But I just gotta be, I have to be my funny. So if somebody doesn't find that funny, that's perfectly fine. But for me to be okay with this level of promotion, I do have to like, you know, try my best to make it funny. Hey everybody, we're in the mic received.

You're not late. You're the actor's duty. You're actually, you're on time. The guy who made us here at 9, came early. That's right. So I came in to start the show by myself a little bit, do like 15 minutes, you know, me and the fans. Yeah.

And he was here. Yeah, you can use, you know me and the fans. And he was here. You can use, you talking about the fans, are you going to use the bathroom? I got diarrhea. Yeah, do you really? There's some diarrhea. Yeah, go shit it out. I wish I had a mic.

Number one, number one, yeah, please go do you think. I'm not on mic. Take a shit. I wish I had a mic, I could hear you diarrhea coming out of your mouth. You use one of those mandalins. You know, I got a writing job one time, and I like, it was the only writing job I've ever had.

And I went to go use the bathroom, and I just had like loud diarrhea. And the writers even like heard it through the wall. Oh gosh. And I've never had a writing job. That's not how. They let everybody know. Diary.

That was fun. Have you ever had a writing job? I wrote for MTV 2 I code. I'm in the writers union. Oh yeah, for cheat. Cheat, I wrote a book. That's right. I wrote a script.

I wrote a movie. I wrote it. I wrote, look, I am, there's a, I can write a scene, I can write a script. But then you have people that can go in and make that thing what it should be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I wrote something with Jim Serper Cohen, Tom Celetti, and I would write a great scene.

I'm like, this is, and then they would go over and take it over. Yeah, yeah. And then they'd give it back to you and you're like, oh, this is a fucking, this is real. It's the same scene, but it just it is so much shit that like As a creed when I'm I'm like this and that and I was something go back in there It needs to do this we need to go there this person you can't and it's like whoa like all this other shit in it

You know, yeah, I've handed my stuff to writers before and they look at it like I look at my son's art Yeah, where it's like I'm proud of him for doing it. Yeah, but that's shit. It's a collaborative pr- look at man. I can write shit, but I'm better. I'm good at stand up. I'm good at creativity. I'll come up with a scene that you're like, what the fuck?

We should write that. And then let's go write it. And then there's somebody who can- I have a learning disability. What is it? I have ADHD and I have the one with the T-Shirts backwards. F-A-T. And I'm dumb. I have the thing, it's called dumb.

It's called dummy or their mummification boys. The old simple dumb. Yeah. What are you dumb? I'm just stupid. I can't folk. I like structurally my brain shuts down when I'm like trying to write all the stuff

that you're supposed to write within a screen. Like I can sit there and walk around a room and throw out dialogue like the best of them. But as soon as you put me in front of a computer, my disability, that is not real, but it's itself imposed because I don't wanna break through it. Shine sprightly.

Yeah, but here's the thing about creative people, you find a way. Like how the fuck did I become a standup comic? I found a way. I'm just dead. I don't sit down and write all my shit. I go on stage and do it and then remember it and then write it down.

My notes are nuts. We're talking about writing. Yeah, like he's a fucking lunatic. Mike? Yeah, me? Yeah. Why? He's a good creeps with kids too.

He's got a kid. Yeah, we should redo the creeps for kids with me. I know. I lost the fuck out of there. He's out to it. I just saw it. Yeah, I know. For the first time in weeks.

I want to hear about it. And you were there for that entire conflict. What? The boss Bobby, watch saga. Oh, yeah. Doesn't that, doesn't that like make you sick? Like they just have so much money to throw around. But it makes me sick that they bitch and moan about being straight white males and they're throwing 15 grand at a recreational watch and fighting over it. Disgusting. Yeah. I know that like you're doing okay. But but you're probably just barely scraping by scraping by right? You're like, you're like, I mean, you're doing okay, but you're probably just barely scraping by scraping by right? You're like

mean, you're like barely professional medians and they're just like I've asked you bought my double-watch that I wanted. That's it. What done. What done, dude? You're a bad guy. Yeah. There's something about Gen X comics. They just have it so easy. It must have been so outrageous. Yeah. There's something about bowling fucking button down shirts that just makes you Undeservantly respect I'm gonna stop you guys when you are wrong When you say All this as soon as you say something Yeah, we caught the hammer of your spoils you You guys lived like fucking ingy to grapes and be exactly. Yeah.

We got fucking hit by the iron fist of the indiscret. Yeah, we were like watching comedy central and tough crabby like that looks so cool. I want to do that. And now it's like I want to kill myself. Every day I think about killing myself just to save my son from a life embarrassment. I feel like I should fake my own death

and get life insurance on me. Yeah, yeah. There'd be part of your kid, and I feel bad. Oh, Daddy's going to shut. Daddy's going to do a show. Yeah. Hi, dude. Kevin Barnett had a great joke about this,

and I only know. Lucky him, huh? I only know because he's dead. I wrote the same one, and it was worse. Like, you ever do that, you see a comic through your bit and it's just way better. But it's about dying with potential, where he's like, I wanna die young

because then I didn't blow it. Like I wanna die where it's like everything was on the up and that's kind of how it is for my kid. Like I'm right at the age now where I'm at the precipice of success or failure and it could tip either way. So if I killed him, we know it might be successful. Well, you'd be doing a podcast with Sal if it was gonna be successful.

You'd be here with me still. No, but I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it a couple of weeks ago and the guy who booked it was like, yeah, I was trying to get Mike Cannon up here and he was like,

I'm not coming up there for that amount of money and I'm just here. I'm just there doing the gig. Really? Yeah. What gig? It was just a show in Rochester, New York. Yeah, but that would do guys are guys. Those are nice guys. Not Mark. No, he's a great guy. Yeah. Yeah. The it's called the Rickles room, which is that probably a better room. Good room. This bigger room. Yeah. But he was like, yeah, Mike Cannon said he kind of big time me a little bit. And I was like, I mean, I slept on the guy's couch and he had a pet lizard in his

living room. So I fucking slept. I slept on big. Wow. Exactly. Well, you can't go back. What you want you go forward, you can't go back to lizards. I just, I went back. Well, you never really went. You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You know, there'll be a point where you're playing clubs and you're making a certain amount of money and then the guy's like, hey, dude, will you come over 800 and sleep on my couch? It's like, dude, I at least need a hotel. 800 would be amazing. It wasn't. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Well, no, it was, you know, it was two shows. One was in Buffalo. One was in Rochester. So you had to drive an hour and a half? Yeah. Well, no, it was you know, it was two shows one was one was in Buffalo one was in Rochester So you had a driving hour and a half? Yeah, well five hours. I did you fly? No, I drove But yeah, no, that is about what I made yeah for two shows Maybe a little less 800 yeah, you should be making way more than that. You're really good. Shut up I'm just tired. I'm just tired of hearing that everybody I hear that from of hearing that everybody.

I hear that from everybody. That's why I want to kill myself. Yeah. I mean, I just want to slide everybody. I mean, I say tonight, dude, you're fucking... I'm sorry. I didn't mean that to come off as kind of a... No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm saying like a... I say tonight, you did my show over there at the pussycat. You're not that good. I mean, I understand why you're way right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you kind of mediocre and, you know you don't know how to pull it out. I disagree. It's not that he doesn't know it. I just use this not to. There's a very distinct moment in a recene set where he's either like, I could with the chops that I've grown.

Oh, he's not. He's staring. I know so somebody stare at their own stomach during this time. He literally brought me out. He brought me, I'll go in and go in and go. He goes, all right, this guy, this next guy you might know. Yeah, you guys good? All right, cool. I think you're fine with seeing. I think I do big things this year.

Mm-hmm. Ooh. Well, why, you're probably right. Maybe I did, maybe I gave up on the crowd a little bit, but they were a little tight. It's just talking about that. No, but they were really good. But you, but they were like nine people. Gonna say, so, yeah, go ahead they were really good. But you were, but they were like nine people.

Gonna say, so I'll go ahead. I'm gonna tell you this, right? Yeah. The pussycat crowd, the first person to go up, a lot of times bombs. Yeah, most of them. Call or Quinn,

me, I open for call in there a couple of times, in every single time I've opened, I fucking eat my own dick. Yeah. And it's so like. With his crouches sipping tea, looking at you, looking at your circus animal.

Just a shitload of cashmere looking back at me with disdain, fucking sucks. Looking at a quarter-erasing cashmere. This isn't about the States. No. This guy's doing penis jokes. At least that Abraham Lincoln, just some of this stuff, right?

One of the four fathers. But yeah, dude, no, you had four fathers. I had nine. I had nine, nine, 10 fathers. Yeah, it's weird. I think to be serious though, I think you kind of hit it on the head with this tough crowd shit.

I'm telling you, we had so fun. That was, and it's cyclical, it will come back. That will be... The whites will rise again. I don't know if it will, though. I wish I was famous enough to wear it and have to be nervous for you to say that. I can live with great white power.

That will be, you left enough silence on both ends where that is a perfectly clippable moment. Oh, Jesus Christ. I hope you make it this year and we use that. See everybody says it'll come back, it'll come back, it'll come back to what though? Like when they, when they hire people, they don't go like, who's funny?

They go, who fits, that like text the boxes. That's nonsense. It won't come back. It won't come back because it's never gonna go back to being like, oh, who's, that's the boxes. That's nonsense. It won't come back. It won't come back, because it's never gonna go back to being like, oh, who's a hilarious white guy? What is, what is in our favor, or at least doable, is putting out our own shit and cultivating an audience that is sick of the book.

Yeah, but I hate that shit. I hate putting it on my own shit. But you should, like, I hate speaking as a fan of yours, like if you put out a special, I would watch that. Okay. I would come to see you around. Dude, I'll get you a special this year. You want a special?

Yeah. I'll I'll make it happen. All right. I got the material. I think I can do it. I'm fucking listen to me. Okay. I'll fucking do it right now.

Ready? Are you ready? On YouTube, right? No. Fucking we'll try to sell it. We'll try to get it somewhere. Ready? Are you calling somebody?

Yeah. I'm calling somebody right now. I've been cool if you called anyone on my behalf as well Micracing you mean that wall that had diabetes hey Chris it's Your wife on the YKWD podcast from micro scene and my cannon. How you doing? Good. How are you? Micracing wants to do a special. Can we can we hook that up? Yeah, we should talk. All right. Yeah, no are you? Microsine wants to do a special. Can we hook that up? Yeah, we should talk. Absolutely. Absolutely, right?

Yeah. Hello. Hello. I mean, maybe we could do something with them this soon, right? Yes. All right. We should figure that out. We'll figure that out tomorrow.

There you go. We'll figure it out tomorrow, we're seeing. Thanks, Chrissy. I love you. Love you too, buddy. Bye. Yeah, you're in who's Chris Chris Ellis from the syndicate laugh button. Okay. The this this this is their studio. That's the producer over there. Little Nikki. It's right. There's a scenario. They did Lewis Black special this year. They they're up for a Grammy. They did Lewis Brax special this year. They're up for a Grammy. These guys, here's the scenario.

All the, yeah, we'll fucking, we'll take care of you. Thanks. Yeah. We'll figure it out, dude. Well, you want to shoot it here at the seller? Sure. Cool. All right, let's do it.

Dude, I'm telling you, this is the one thing that I always feel good about myself, even though I'm not selling out fucking theaters. I'm a multi-millionaire. I don't really give a shit about that because all the comics that I've helped come up or get somewhere else makes me feel fucking fantastic. There's nothing better in my heart

watching a young comic surpass me and just fucking step right on my back. Who's it get past you though? Nobody. Just the regs. Yeah. Yeah. Kelly Fistuka. This is her eight year in a row. That's the ball. Yeah. Oh, hey, baby. Um, oh,

I'll figure it out. Your show was holding me back. Yeah. You put using the cold shoulder. To get back to that, though, I was talking to somebody last night about it. Tara. She's a funny comic from Westchester, Italian girl. Karen Asana, Strocky. Yeah, yeah. Something to Ali and her husband is cool as shit too. They're great.

They have a room. You want to do their room? Sure. You want me to get you a gig? Sure. Call them up. Thanks. Sure, I'm gonna get you a gig sure call them up. Thanks Have you done the gig no, you're you're gonna be like the white shug night of

My hanging in finance on a window Sorry, I don't know what I said Lo listen man I love that Ian is kind of like a fox news grandpa a little bit a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, everyone's a while I guess she's not answering sorry. Yeah, I'll get you. I'll get you gig Great gig I did it. That's weird that an attractive woman wouldn't answer your phone call at 9.11pm on a... Is it 9.11? Yeah. I, um... It's always 9.11.

By the way, every single time I look at my phone, it's 9.11. That's because you have a firefighter's face. Um... It's just his green saver. Yeah. It's the moment of impact. I think that if, if you you I was talking to her last night There we go

The gig hey Tara. Yeah, you're on my podcast. Why KWD? Hi Hi, how are you do you know for you sure? So we didn't go Vinny's together? You know micro scene, right? Yes, and you know my cannon, right? Yes, I was telling them about your show and how awesome your show is and You know, Micraseen, right? Yes. And you know, Mike Cannon, right? Yes. I was telling them about your show, and how awesome your show is, and they wanna do it.

Micraseen wants to do it. I'd love to have them. There you go. See how easy that is? I mean, it's unbelievable. Oh, you gotta do it. It's amazing. I have somebody 30 years in the business

call them live on a podcast, right? No, but you know them, right? I mean, this and they have, I mean, and it's the packs out. It's so awesome. She's on the show. I had K.P. Birk on the show. Nice. And then you gave me all this food.

She gave me a bag of food for my family to take home. I ate. Did it make it to your family? It did make it to anyone in the family. I put it all on a bowl last night. And I put a web paper towel over the top of my heated up with the microwave. And I watched peacemaker and I 1883

and I shout it all. That's like a guinea shepherds' pie. That's what people call it, right? The web paper towel is pie. I told a few people know about it, yeah. Oh, ch going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say,

I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say,

I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say,

I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say. Shot it guys, alright, bye. There you go, what else you need? Do you have a good lawyer? Yeah, I'm good. I'm not even kidding, fuck. Right here, man, I'm telling you, Gunther Law Group is one kind of... Gunther Law Group is one kind of...

...pill that can make any hard. Let's make... Do you have any pills that might be like blue? I wear glass wallet. That's fucking wallet. That's piece of shit. It's such a piece of shit. Let's fucking Ridge wallet is such a wait. Can I say something and I fucking give no going to say the Ridge wallet is a piece of shit. It's just crazy. I just said no on my podcast. If this was Rogan, he fucking choke you out. The only good part about the Ridge Wallet is that you could throw at it. Somebody's temple and kill them.

This is the best wall I've ever made right here. That looks pretty on your face. This is a mag back wallet. Okay. And here's what it is. It comes off, but it's a strong magnet. It is very hard to come off. It has the finger thing on the back to hold your phone. Look at this. It doesn't come off.

Wow. And then you can take it off, put it in your phone is this tech talk with Bobby and tech talk with Bobby and cons New show people people that beep it. What do you want Mike? We I'm just saying people love the Ridge wallet, but it's too small. It's gonna fall out of your pocket It fell out of my pocket. This way people don't like you. You have no focus No talking about the business, and it was a very interesting, now you're on a Ridge Wallet. Ridge Wallet.

I can get back to business. Okay, talk about the Ridge Wallet. Let's go on the Ridge Wallet. Why don't you guys talk about business. You guys are doing big gigs that you turn down that I thought you did. I just thought you were fucking special in the show.

Sleeping next to a guy's lizard. I just, I just, I just, at least you, at least you got to feel the heat lamp, though. That's nice. Yeah. I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I think and I just like doing stand up and I like touring but it's one of those things we're similarly to asking for help. I had to get good at being like no I just can't do that like the time with my family is too important the time like doing podcast shit is too important like there's there's too many things other things going on that can bring in money for me to just take. He said you said how dare you insult me with this low ball fucking dog shit offer. What's the fucking, you should learn how to do it better.

I did say it was an insult and if it's upstate, rap face, we're gonna be a punch. How much was it? Under five? No, per show. Yeah. Hold on, let me see. See, I was supposed to do two shows, but I did one because I I think COVID was

Was slowed it down a little bit I did a show I did a show in Buffalo's in your last name that slowed it down What does that mean? Nobody knows you know, yeah, yeah, that's it But yeah, it wasn't even like we didn't even discuss a guarantee like you just yeah You the fuck I have to go investigate yourself. You just, you don't have to, yeah, you have to go. You don't have to go and investigate yourself. I just wanted to be up front with my friends. I think that you guys are fine. I think both of you guys are right now

at the point where shit's rough, the 11th hour, and it sucks. I actually feel great. Yeah, well, I'm talking to Racine. I'm putting you in it so he doesn't kill himself. Okay, I mean, maybe you can fuck it. Look at it. I'm easy. This is fucking nerve-wracking. No, I had a good, I had a good few weeks. I don't know.

Yeah. But anyway, go ahead. We made a good few weeks. I had a bunch of road stuff like all lined up and now I don't have anything until like the end of March. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm going to get you. It's okay. You got me one already. It's fine. Let's do a creeps. Let's do a creeps in March, bro. Where? Um, Terry Town Theater. Ha.

That'd be a good one. That would be good. I could pack that out. Yeah, me too. I'm from the area. Uh. Uh-huh. Lewis J Gomez on it.

Racine, me, you. You look that being good too. What about a girl though? We need a girl. No. I'm just kidding. What? What girl has a kid?

Why don't you, I think we just call it. Did you just move the mic with your lips? No, my cheek, my chubby cheek. And then my lip. No, I'm a professional. I use that mic often. She doesn't use this mic does she, Nick? No, this is my mic.

Oh, they have a special mic for me. I don't fucking let you savages touch my body. I'm gonna supple it. Yeah, I'm gonna have like fucking Mike Feeney's stupid guy. You don't want him to do that noise into it? No, a little fucking mustache face. I think, I think though, being clean,

I was talking about this with Tara last night. Mike Feeney makes me sick. I'm like, he makes me sick. I'm like, he makes me sick. I'm like, he makes me sick. I'm like, he makes me sick. I'm like, he makes me sick. I'm like, he makes me sick.

I'm like, he makes me sick. Me too, man. Let's talk and get after him. Fuck that kid. No, I'm okay, that's it. I think being clean would have been a better option for both of you. But how do you be,

Yeah, but I'm not a clean comment. How do you be clean? Just write clean stuff. What is clean stuff? Just take every, My dirty shit is... Don't pick that up. Airly serviceable.

Go pick that up before Liz comes up. What it went in? You know, it didn't. It's in the hallway, you fucking dirtball. Look at what he does. Look at him. He's just a big man. And then he's telling to do something.

And he, oh, that was cool. I wish I could have done a camera. But if somebody sat down and said, I'm going to be a clean comic, wouldn't you like call the FBI on that person? Well, look at all the people in jail. Fresh is clean. Is it? I mean, kind of, right? No. Didn't he talk about his daughter's period? Because I know somebody around my age, who's like a clean comic.

Yeah, I think I feel like he's going to snap at some point. I want to know what is Vini? No, Cox, I gotta be. Who? Why don't I mention Vini? Anybody who does it, anybody who does it and represses a natural version of themselves is a psychopath.

You know, if you're that guy, like, like, Berghetsi seems like that guy. It's just how he talks. He doesn't really talk in graphic person. Bob Sagadilla. I'm saying. What? Bob Sagadilla until he got hit and the head by his fucking wife. Yeah. Who do you think that's what Billy club the back of that?

No, I don't know. Something happened, right? What? Yeah. I think I guess he knocked his not to what happened to Bob Sagad head. I just do a true crime podcast. Yes. You know, but you know, fucking popular that would be that's what we should do. Yeah, we did. Let's do a true crime. I bet it was Mary Kate. What do you mean? I bet it was one of the Olsen twins that killed Heathlyn. Which one?

You know what's funny though? Bob Sagitt too. That club in Rochester, they have paintings of like all the wall. I mean, this is all over the place. It's about Bob, this is about Bob Sagitt. Oh, okay. Cause just like crazy mind goes places. All right.

So they have paintings of all like deceased comics. And then every time a comic dies, they put a new painting up there. There's an empty wall on the other side of the room, so it's like, it's funny to think like who's gonna be the second that wall? Yeah. It's fucking terrible.

Whose likeness will be painted next. Yeah, Bob Sagitt was clean. I mean, he was dirty but clean. But clean. Yeah. He was the opposite. Who else? I would do that though.

I would love to sell my soul and take a children's show in a heartbeat and then tour and talk about fisting my son or something like that would be cool. That would be acceptable for my as opposed to being a piece of shit like you. I'll tell you what a Children's show you saying kind of yeah, is that what you're saying like I would do both You would do why would that be more acceptable because I I think, present kind of a wholesome veneer on television, and then during my live show, I'm who I am. I'll tell you what, an edgy kid show isn't that bad of an idea. That's great.

And you could have puppets and stuff on the show. Sometimes my son has a dinosaur puppet, and I pretend that he is named Tino, but then I also act like he's a right-wing anti-vaxxer. That's why I like to argue with him. You can be Sam right now. I just go like, hey, it's me Tino, and you know the vaccine is made of a board of children. Así que él es un guay que tiene anti-vaxer. Es por lo que me argumenta. ¿Como me puedo ver ahora? Yo creo que... ¡Ey, es mey Tino!

Y no, la vaccine es de la mejor la gente. ¡Y no debes ir a la casa! Y luego, me gusta eso. No me gusta eso. ¡Es un Instagram! ¡No, no! ¡Esta es un video! ¡Buscas contenido gratis!

¡I wanna be see! ¡Bluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con más de 120 canales! Dedicados a películas, series, gremene, realities y contenido infantil. gratis. Te esperan, ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida, murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I kind of try to, I do like little parodies of TikToks, you know, like I made like a parody of like a Karen video. Really? Yeah. I try to think about what works on TikTok

and what gets people's attention and do like parodies of that. You really, you view shit in a very interesting cool way because when I see that stuff, sometimes it makes me angry and I just like scroll past it and I don't get any of the potential humor. Yeah, but you nail it every time I'm like that is funny about that. What the fuck like I do? Why do you get me? What do you man at because he's good? It bothers me when people are good I've never felt that way about you, but Mike Maybe are you guys bonding overtrashing me? No, I love you. I'm just kidding. I thought I was I didn't say a single negative thing about you since I got here

Not to my face. Yeah. Underneath this brow. Yeah, behind your back. Yeah, I know. I'm texting you. What's his name, told me. Who?

Oh. That's all. Me and Canner are going to share a milkshake actually. Yeah, I'm just talking shit about you. I mean, we do have a legitimate gripe with you in your generation. Yeah, why? Because of what we just said.

Because you like go to prison and fuck hookers. Hey man, we're just talking about that too. I was like, none of our friends have been able to call together enough funds to go to the other side of the fucking earth. I'll tell you why. This is why you guys are assholes. Because you care more about fucking fame and shut up and let me finish. All right, you're gonna say stupid you care more about fucking fame. And shut up and let me finish.

All right, you're gonna say stupid shit. Let me fucking talk, because you're both yap over me and I'm fucking dumb with it, okay? You're fucking, you guys are all worried about fame and worried about being somebody else. We never gave a fuck about that. I had no money when I went to Brazil. You know what I did?

I fucking went into debt to go have a good time with my fucking friends and not worry about comedy. You fucking pussy's, all you wanna do is make content, content, content, and worry about what this is. I got my TikTok and I do it in an interesting way. Go fuck yourself. And you're fucking pussy too. Well you fucking, hey I'm Vinnie Boombots giant.

You're all fucking wearing biggs and being fucking puppets. Okay, we were doing stand up, stand up, and that's it. We tried to stand up, and that's it. And that's it. You can't do that. You're impatient. That's what you are. You're fucking impatient.

You can't get on it. That you can't. That you can't. That you can't. Of course you can. We did it. Why can't you do it? This is good.

This is fucking silly bullshit. Because the first thing they'd look at is your follower count. How many people watch? I listen, I'm still doing, I did cameos. I'm still doing cameos as Cupid. So if you want to get those, it's half all. Two more days. But you know you're incorrect because we would love to just do stand up.

You would love to. It was just a rant. Yeah, I was just ranting. I don't think you guys would be into it. I don't think you fucking, you're a fucking pro game when you're together, but when it goes to me, you know, you know we're kidding,

Chef, I do think you're indirectly responsible. I didn't do anything for like podcasts and stuff like that. Buddy, I got a three bedroom ranch. I got nothing. You got a tiny home. Yeah, I got that too. You got a friend that got a watch. It sounds nice.

I have to fuck my wife on a... On a boot. Don't bring me where you have a flu. I'm renting a carriage house. Yeah, you... From your family. No. Are you moved?

Yeah, we got a whole place. It's just a house. It's a second structure in somebody's back. I don't think you guys are fucking right there and keep going. It's gonna. It's gonna come back. Yeah. I didn't want to turn this into that. But what yeah, we don't we don't need to hear that no one that no one wants to hear this gay shit about you guys are right. By when you say it's gonna come back. What is gonna come back? But when you say it's gonna come back, what is gonna come back?

Dude, comedy is going that way where they're going back to edgy. Nobody gives a fuck anymore. Nobody the commas generation, maybe the next generation, I don't know, but you're still there. But maybe 20 years left of your fucking career, but Jen, but Jen Z, like the way they, they're like little like Puritans, they're like little Quakers almost. They're also locusts because they fill the space so fast. That it's hard for people in the middle like us that have like one foot in the analog world, one foot in the completely digital world to catch up

because they just come up with it. So they're fucking praying for me. They're all like little Helen Lovejoy from the citizens. And so it's gonna have to take like the generation after that. Hopefully they'll enjoy. I don't know, Angie's stuff. I don't think so.

It's my favorite 65 year old comedian, Mike Cannon. I think if you're undeniably funny and you're fucking consistent and you kill all the time, people use you. And maybe not the improvs, maybe you don't do theaters, maybe you're not making a gazillion dollars, but you'll be able to support your family by a house and live the fucking American dream, I think. You don't need, I mean, it depends on what you want.

You want to have millions and have, you know, shitload of cars and sell out theaters all the time. That's the Indian, huh? You want to be Indian? No, I'm just saying. No, but they do come out for each other. Well, it depends on what you want, dude. You fucking bitch, and then I'm trying to tell you something, and then you're an asshole, I'm just saying. No, but they do come out for each. Well, it depends on what you want, dude. You fucking bitch.

And then I'm trying to tell you something. And then you're an asshole. I just say, I'll go, wait, you said if you want a million dollars, what do you do? What do you do if you want theaters and millions of dollars? You probably have to go make connections with those people. You have to be with those people. Be around those people. Stop being around these people and go be around those people. Go, how many people moved to where Rogan went?

You wanna be around that? Go move to it. Go be friends with those people. They decide on what the fuck they're doing. Imagine moving your family to Austin because Joe Rogan moved there and you don't even know him. And you're just like, honey, honey, I know it sounds crazy. We're going to Austin.

Is it as funny, you're an asshole. Is it as funny as moving from Boston to New York to do that? Is it as funny as moving from from fucking Chicago to LA to be around fucking those people? I say it's funny. It's a sad fucking thing, dude. I didn't know anybody when I moved here. I didn't know fucking anybody.

I didn't know the comedy seller. I came here to be around these fucking people. Instead of staying in Boston, put your hand down. Instead of staying in Boston with all those people that are still there, by the way, all those funny, hilarious motherfuckers are still there. Me, Patrice, Billy, Dane, Gary, we came here and we're nobody's again to be around the people that were doing shit. Who's Gary? Put that down, Goman. The funny thing is, yes, it's fun here to move to where Joe Rogan lives because this is the city is the draw. It's not where everything that's with me Patrice

Burr Steve I just throw it in one random name. Gary Goeman is fucking saying it. No, I know what I'm saying is Austin is not Austin has a shitload of cups creaking the cave is an awesome. Yeah, it was just there. They just opened up Cap City again, the guy from Helium owns that. Rogan's opened up. It's going to be a slam and comedy city. It has Moon Tower. It's not a random just Rogan move there.

That's where the industry went. Part of it, as far as stand up goes. So people went, hey, I want to be part of this and they went there. And they moved there. And they went there. And they went there. And they went there. And they went there.

And they went there. And they went there. And they went there. And they went there. And they went there. And they went there. And they went there. And they went there.

And they went there. And they went there. And they went there. And they went there. And they went there. And they went there. And they went there. And they went there.

And they went there. And they went there. And they went there. And they went there. And they went there. And they went Sal right he's successful there. They're they're lifting each other up You guys should stop doing this podcast and do another one, you know, I mean Do fucking Yeah, no All the famous comment. I know or it's a move to LA. Yeah, I mean seriously look at all the famous podcasts in LA Yeah, why are they popular? Why are they so pop? Why is your podcast not as popular as any of those guys? It is because it's not. It's not great. My come on dude. It's not getting the numbers that those guys. Of course it's paid to play. You don't do that.

Oh shit. I've got a fucking conversation. I have a conversation. I am, but I'm also just kidding around. It's a podcast. Yeah, but but if yeah, it's not, but yeah shut the fuck up Mike Why are they more successful one because they do elevate each other and it's more communal that's it to they all Had a lot of money to start with or at least more money to start with because the entire YouTube algorithm is pay to play and they understand They're all on a rogan. Yeah, but they've also been able to then hire teams to take advantage of their time on Rogan. So that's how you become famous. Yeah. So get that money, right?

Find that money and spend it on that shit. I'm trying. And then, well, you're not spending money. Well, you spend money on a team? I'm spent, yes. Yes, I am. I've been doing it for like three years. Imagine you're like working your warehouse job right now.

Just three winers talking about like, I don't know how I can, I want to be theaters. I want to perform my acting. Well, it's funny because you call up, I'll fucked up. Bum and out because you got no money. And this conversation is actually, no, I'm saying it's funny, but it's actually pretty interesting. You call me, but it's actually pretty interesting to have.

Yeah, well, I think so. I think it's actually pretty interesting. You call me, but it's actually pretty interesting to have. Yeah. Well, I think so. I think it's interesting to have, to let people know that it's not as fucking easy as you think, and that some talented fucking dudes are fucking kind of bummed out and like, what the fuck? And is there a way, I don't have no money. Is there a way to fucking help people out?

Do you know what I mean? Is there a way to elevate your podcast of my pocket? What the fuck are they doing that we're not doing on the East Coast? Because it seemed pretty selfish on this coast. We've been all fucking, let me do my thing, let me do my thing, and let me become fucking everything. But it's, it's,

I'm just gonna make excuses and not think about this. We're like, so when my special comes out, this is similar thinking to this, because yes, I do spend money on a team. I've been doing that for a year now since the pandemic. I've been putting out a shitload of content that is all self-produced and looks really, really good. Whether it's been successful or not

is all other story, but people have at least taken notice. But when even you go over there and like, my special comes out, I go to every single podcast in New York. Everybody lets me on. Skanks, you Chrissy D, everybody lets me on. I have to hire a cock sucking publicist to go to LA to get on every fucking big podcast because they're like the elephants from Dumbo

and they close circle and shut everybody the fuck out because it's difficult to join that level of success. Because you know why? They only have successful people on their thing. Yeah, because it hurts them. Because that makes me. It does. It doesn't hurt them early.

No, it doesn't hurt them. They make money. It doesn't hurt them. It is true. And they're all dogs and Indians. It doesn't hurt them. It doesn't help them is the problem. Yeah, yeah.

It just doesn't help. Yeah. So if you're not helping, why am I gonna do it? That's my point. There is a way to do it, but you don't wanna give up your fucking dignity to fucking do that. Of course I do. That's what I'm doing. You literally would have done it. it, but you don't want to give up your fucking dignity to fucking do that You know doing that literally what I'm doing. Yeah, but you weren't gonna do that to me You're not gonna do that if so if your podcast becomes big you're not gonna have him on because I wouldn't I of course

You would of course I'm saying we talked about you don't want to fucking do that shit I I love the people that I work so you're saying we should start killing West Coast podcast. Yes. So as soon as Bobby Lee comes to New York, it's on site dog. I'm just saying there's a way to do it and they help each other. And we should kill them. Yeah, we should kill them. Yeah. And absorb their audience. That's cool.

And absorb their audience, but we have to kill them. Hey, guys, RIP, Brendan Shobbs. Just want to say, if you need a podcast to get into, just sit down with Mike. We should take his RSS feed change his will before he dies the RSS to us that be sweet

there is a way to do it looks like we don't want was murdered today sir do you have any comments like yeah I just want to say he was great but I have a podcast myself self anybody you should do with an accent yeah right hey what's up, man? Hey, man. Yeah, it's a it's a freaking tragedy. Anyway, if you like, listen to dudes, just kind of hang out and talk about podcasts. Yeah.

Yeah, but our podcast, fucking, our podcast, any worse than theirs? Mm-hmm. Are they better? I don't know. It depends to who you're asking. But I like them. I don't know. It depends to who you're asking. But I like them. I don't know. Yeah. They're definitely doing something. But the idea is, they're doing something

because I love your pocket. I love you three idiots. Yeah. Right? Yeah. I do. Yeah. It's good.

It's a good pocket. And it's like, why isn't that getting a million downloads or views on YouTube? Because people hold their audiences very near and dear. And there are select select few like yourself, like Lewis and Jay and Dave, that are very open and give their audience to others. There's not a lot of people that are that open and cool

and genuine about it. You really, you do, you elevate people, you showcase people to the people that already like you, it's great. That's rare. But what who else is around that could do that? Joseph and this is the thing is that there's also there's also an industry part of it to that.

Bear Christ, and those guys, they don't, they go on skanks. You go on Kumiya. This thing's that is sad and done that like you're done. Yeah. Like you fuck dude. I haven't got roles because of it. Like I have this, this, this, this acting shit that I haven't gotten because you can just bum bum, what is he's part of it?

What is that goodbye? Yeah, I got a little acting thing recently and they were like, good news. They, they approved your, they submitted your materials and you're approved. I'm like, you guys didn't were proved, they submitted your materials and you were approved. You guys didn't look very hard for anything. You even looked into the last episode. Yeah, the first two minutes. You have to be approved for shit now.

It's not like, he's great actor. He's gonna be great. He has to be, let's do a fucking background check like you're going into the CIA. But that eliminates opportunity in some respect. However, there is a faction of people, especially in this country, especially comedy fans, that actually appreciate the fact that people give themselves

to comedy in the way that it hurts their mainstream potential, but it's all for the left. Like, we are, they're shit that I've said that people think I'm some lib cucksofty fucking whatebs, but it's like, I've said everything under the sun on a podcast, and there's certain things that I just am not going to be up for Because of that, but I don't mind because it's like it again all in the I mean, I did say the whites will rise again on this show

So which is going to be played throughout the episode if they let me ask you this both you guys if they made a compilation like Rogan style of all the times you said the n word on a podcast, like how long do you think it would be? 13 hours. It could be a... I'm like, uh, two and a half minutes. That's not as bad. I feel like some of the jokes are worse than the N word. Like some of the jokes are so like creative.

I was looking at that. How would Stern think he did? Did you see that? The blackface thing. The blackface with Mr. Jefferson and Robin. No. Yeah, it's crazy. Dude, I saw that video and I was,

I was fucked, my jaw dropped. Yeah. And at the end of it, Robin gets mad. No shit. He calls her one. He's in blackface. Yeah. Calling, I mean, it's, even as a comedian,

I was like, wow, what the fuck? She's like, how are you? It's okay when you say it about whoopi Goldberg, but please don't, he's across the line now. And he's doing that whoopi, whoopi, how about whoopi? Yeah. And now Howard's turns like, Trump is a threat to our precious democracy.

Right now. Joe Rogan should be taking up Spotify. Yeah, yeah, we've. Yeah, it's a, it's a, it's a jaw drop or that one. I don't even get it. I have nobody, nobody has ever brought it up, which is, oh, people are good. No, no, no, you know what I'm talking about?

I'm talking like CNN, like Joe Rogan got fucking assassinated. Right. Yeah. And then right after that, I was like, we're, okay, we're going to get these people. Yeah. you know Like they too when that happened they just went and got fucking the tide came up and they sucked everybody they could down And that that was out there and nobody played that well because they know the platforms that purely advocate and technically work for them

Like Howard Stern is a card carrying Democrat. He is pushing whoever their candidate is Joe Rogan the reason why there is a card carrying Democrat. He is pushing whoever their candidate is. Joe Rogan, the reason why there is a, because he's a, it's a coordinated attempt to take him down is because he's kind of all over the place. He has different views about different things. So they can't lock him into a position of support. So that's why they go and attack him. But what I don't understand that like why, why wasn't everybody, Neil Young, everybody saying, take my music off serious

Because of of this video. Yeah, I mean our Kelly fucked kids and he's all over Spotify, but I think it was like Where's Neil Young on that one? So it's pretty cool our Kelly rules. Yeah, he's cool. Jesus Christ. Nice You know, we just said our Kelly's music rules bounce bounce bounce. Oh, we just said those women knew what they were getting themselves into. That's right. This is why you'll never make it. These videos right here. They'll find them and then you'll never make it. Herdelea wouldn't testify. That's why they took her plane down. What are you checking your Facebook? I was just I wanted. There's an arc. No, but there's an early song

There's a great arc. Kelly song. It's called real talk. You can't play it Okay, cuz they'll just at the algorithm was shut my fucking podcast. Yeah, you can't play arc. Kelly. Oh You can hum it Well, there's it. There's a song. Well, I have to I hum it. It's not gonna be fine No, because it's not gonna be fine. No, because the song is like him just arguing with his girl, it's just a monologue of him arguing with his girl.

How's it go? He's like, see girl, the only thing I'm trying to establish with you is not who's right and who's wrong, but what's right and what's wrong? Real talk, it's called real talk. He's like, just because your friends saw me at the club with some other bitches And it's the whole thing is just like his side of like an I'm enjoying this way more than I would agree I'm doing it

Yeah, I think it's good is that all you know? No, I know the whole song at least the lyrics. Yeah, okay. Go there's a layer. All right. Let me see how much of the song I know I'm not looking at the screen girl I'm not trying to sit up here and argue with you about who's to blame or call no names real talk see girl the only thing I'm trying to establish with you is not who's right and who's wrong but what's right and what's wrong real talk just because your friends saw me at the club with some other bitches sitting in VIP smoking and drinking and kicking it did you say there were other guys there?

Were there other guys there? Well, I will tell me this. How the fuck she knew I was with them other girls then? And hold on, wait a minute, let me finish what I got to say. I've been with you five years and you listen to your motherfucking girlfriends. You're going burn what? I think I'm skipping ahead.

You're going burn what? Bitch, I wish you would burn my mother fucking clothes as you tweaking Gave who some damn money. I ain't give nobody no damn money girl I don't know why you fuck with them jealous. No man having holes anyway real talk It's one of the greatest songs ever ever written. It's a shame. He he fucked all those kids. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. If you cut that out and like out of context, you just had me just be like, I think it's strengthens his legacy. Can I say something? Anybody take that series? I mean, there's no way, so your album wins a Grammy. Okay, you're going on Kelly and fucking dummy. Oh, I love it.

And then as you're going out, they cut to, ah, fucks, what'd you say? I said something about our Kelly, be any hero. Yeah, he's a hero, he fucks kids. And they show that. That's what comes up. There's no way out our Kelly, be any hero. Yeah, he's a hero, he fucks kids. And they show that. That clip comes out. There's no way out of that.

I'd just be like, yeah, I'm celebrating Black History. It's February. You can't. You can't podcasting, I think, fuck this. I think podcasting, I think FM radio, terrestrial radio forced us to find a way to say that shit without saying it. And ONA back when they were on, they were really good at it. They were great at just talking about everything,

but not getting, you know what I mean? That's when Howard was his best when he was on. And then this serious satellite was worse than anything Anthony Cumi has ever said about blood. It's the worst thing. It's the worst thing. Anybody in the crowd has ever said. Everyone knows Coomy and apology if you are my opinion. Wow, I got to check that out. We all, we all owe Anthony Coomy and a poll. Can we watch that and then cut it out?

Yeah. But I think it's got parts in the face and got upset. Nikki, can we watch that? What is it? That the Howard Stern, with Mr. Jefferson blackface thing. Can we watch that and cut it out? I don't think we can play it, right? What do we have to watch it for like a minute?

Let me look for it first. It's fucking nuts, man. It's the crazy shit you'll ever see. And I can't believe it. I gotta take it out. It's almost like Stallone's sex tape. It's nowhere. What's Stallone's sex tape?

He was at a porn with a kid. No. Oh, the woman. He was at a point with a kid. No Chew Zhang with Mike Scott fucking kids on the brain I just thought it was with a context. That's why no, it's just a porn no kidding Yeah, he was he acted like he was he was fun. He was a fucking he should be bought all the copies when he became a gazillionaire Go for it. He went and bought everything. Oh, he got rid of us that's the salon porn in here. It's right. Oh, yeah, I'm really on. I really want to watch the Yeah, this one's alright Maybe a good take talk you should do that No, no, I'm just on one of my way to time. I'm just here for all your savants to loan porn He sneezes and it's fucking wiggins. Oh, go, go.

You could do that back in the day. You could release a sex tape. They just buy all the copy. Yeah. I know you can do that anymore. Isn't that kind of, I mean, I didn't watch the movie that just came out on Hulu, but isn't that kind of what Pam Anderson did? Like, didn't she, they were going to release it and then she bought the rights or something the rights or no She wasn't really the guy. I don't know if I watched it

Well, they stole it then they were gonna release it He didn't pay the guy money for his job He went back to steal is safe to get money got you money. He opened it up and found you know All Rolexes and shit like that that he sold yeah made his money and then found this tape and brought it into a guy because back then you couldn't even nobody had the thing to play it Right, so we had to bring it to a porn guy who had that Device to put it in and they put it in they were like what it's like Tommy He had the voice and then So long just gets pulled over he's like and now now this bot what's in the box truck?

You have a 4,000 copies of Sylvester Stallone. Yeah, yeah, I'm just a huge fan. I got a big family. Stocking stuff. Oh, my family loves this guy. This is it, right? Can we play this? I just won't show it, but you guys can watch it over there.

Oh, wow. So what's his name from the Jefferson's did it with this is whoopee Goldberg and and what's his name her when she was dating what's his name for. Ted dancer because he went to the Oscars with her in black face right. I thought it was I think it was just some award. Oh look at that's been white that's actually been wiped from the internet there's like one photo of it of Ted Danson in there. But look at, wait, stop. Just look at the set there on. Look at the little, I mean, look around the set.

Right. There's a long jockey in the back. There's fried chicken. I don't know who that lady is. Moms Maybely. Moms Maybely. And then there's somebody in the back I can't see. Is that Moms Maybely?

I don't know. And Jemima. And there you go. And this is, this in Robin is on it too. This is crazy. Now this is just a sketch for TV or something. This is a sketch for, I think Channel 9, right? I believe it's Channel 9.

That's it. And I mean, how is that in Blackface? As 10 Dan and Woopy Goldberg. This is crazy. Yeah. I mean, how is that in Blackface? As 10 Dan and Wobby Goldberg? This is crazy. Yeah. I mean, good. Are you not playing the volume? I'll do the volume.

I'll do the volume. Oh, I didn't like that. Ted, I must say that I can't believe you're still in Blackface after the Friars Rose controversy. Oh, Ho-Shop. I hate Blackface. I just can't believe you're still in blackface after the friar's roast controversy Oh, oh, chef. I hate blackface. I just can't get this shit off We'll be done. Road everything. I'm gonna say here tonight. So it's all right. Eat that right. You smelly niggas I didn't write that where you use a smelly niggas. I mean stop. I can't even stop. I don't even put me in dude I'm out. I'm just out.

And he didn't he was like, I didn't write that. He's like, dude, I didn't think you're gonna say that. He had to do yes and was he wrong for candy? That's the greatest improv ever. Yeah, Mr. Jefferson. Literally, he said that to him and he was like, I didn't write that. He kept going. That's usually when he tap out like what? And look at Robin. She's like, what the fuck is going on? How hot was Robin? She had some sweet tips. Yeah Triple pearl is that crazy is this I mean Yeah, nuts. Yeah, that's I mean that's that's wild

I don't know what to say There's not a single platform that exists that you could do that on. To Rogan use the word in context to people using the word, he'd say it. Most of the time. Right? The planet of the ape thing. Well, that was what he should have said for that was like, yeah, I was being racist. I was using racism to be funny. Like I was intentionally saying a racist. Yeah, it was being racist, if I'd bigoted. Yeah, because I mean, we've all been racist to do a joke. I've never done that.

No, meaning neither. No. Is that fucking crazy? The end, it gets worse. It gets way worse, dude. That was the first eight seconds. That was the first, dude. That was the first exact, and it gets to the point where Robin gets mad.

And she says, can we see the end of it where Robin gets mad If you haven't it was so like what the fuck and then you're looking at Rogan. You're like, well, how does this not? I mean, I don't want anybody to give him an apology too We owe Rogan an anti-cumian apology Well, I mean, I don't know if that's been proven But I know Jimmy Dore was like talking about some Democrats super PAC like actually giving the money to do this focus take down, but I think it's pretty clear to anybody that like this is a Concerted effort, right?

Despite what if you have a problem with what he said or any because he endorsed Bernie I think it's a lot of things, but it's like, if you are from the major news corporations, you're from all the money, and you can't out influence this motherfucker, that's on you. Like, that's what free speech is all about is you're supposed to beat speech with better speech, and it's not as if you're having a tough time getting your speech out, you have all the money. But get it the fuck out.

People are pretty stupid. Sure, sure, but I'm also like, do you want a censorship? Just to facilitate dumb fucks that believe everything? Like, or, because I don't, I don't. It is, yeah, but it's that, but it's also the hypocrisy is so fucking nuts. Yeah.

It's just crazy that. I had Biden's and, and Bob, like, granted he's reading from a thing too. It's like, that, yeah, that, that is a thing where you're supposed to. But why didn't you say more racist stuff than the N word? For sure. If you look at his career, yeah, he's, yeah. Yeah, like, but everybody can be taken out.

He's a lion of the 10s. Of course he did. What's his name? Jimmy Carr, trying to take him out too. Really? Yeah, he's a gypsy thing, right? Yeah, something like the Jimmy Carr, what was it, Joe? What was it, he pulled it up? We can listen to that. car, what was the joke? What was the joke? Can you pull it up?

We can listen to that. Jimmy car's the nicest guy on the fucking man. People are out of their mind, because like, the gypsy thing, that's so little, but I guess over there, it's like a bigger issue. But I mean, I used to do a joke about literally punching a shark in the face and some fucking shark activist retard came up to me

afterwards and was like, that's actually like aiding in the murder and fishing of sharks in the ocean. I was like I promise you it isn't I promise it fucking isn't and now I'm gonna go out of my way to get a 38 caliber pistol and put a bullet in a fucking great white's head It's not open Please tell me folks the Ridge wallet. Do you have the Ridge wall? You're the big stupid wallet. Why don't you guys. Folks, the Ridge Wallet. You have a big, stupid wallet. Why don't you get a cool metal one on the cool kid's hat? You don't like the Ridge Wallet? You'll never have them as a sponsor now.

There's no lights flying out the window. What's that? No, I'm kidding. Yeah, this is crazy. Cars said when people talk about the Holocaust, they talk about the tragedy in Harvest, six million Jewish lives being lost to the Nazi war machine, but they never mentioned the thousands of gypsies that were killed by the Nazis.

No one ever wants to talk about that because no one ever wants to talk about the good stuff. It's a joke. The positives. It's a good joke. Yeah, it was weird because people on a lot of people on Twitter were kind of like melting down about that. Yeah. Have you ever met a gypsy? Yeah, I have in Ireland. Yeah, a lot of them. I've met a couple of them. I heard Europeans are pretty like they really hate. Yeah, and Roma people. Yeah, I mean, it's a slide. But it's similar to like people from

wherever the fuck, not New York, commenting on how every homeless person in New York City has a right to do whatever they want to do and we're actually shaming mental health. And it's like, yeah, you're not standing on the fucking platform at 2 a.m. while somebody is like spray shitting all over the fucking third rail and painting themselves and then shadow boxing fucking eight feet from your face. Yeah, but date.

Similarly, I'm not around gypsies. I was gonna say something. I'll be able to audit for you guys. Hell, I was like, nah. I don't know, dude. It's fucking wild. Are you okay? It's wild.

No, it just bothers me that shit that they're just, they're just fucking out to get people, you know, they're just out to get people and fucking, it's just weird, because it makes you think like, are people then not gonna wanna do business with Jimmy Carr in the future? Cause it had, they're gonna have backlash to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Corporations of fucking, they don't have any, yeah, friends, or anything. Yeah, but Netflix, it was a Netflix special, right? Yeah, it was on Netflix for a year. It was on Netflix for a year. That's so funny. So for a year, it's been out there. They just went, somebody was like, I wanna get him.

Yeah. And they went, cause they can go and get any one of us, you know? And it almost bums me out that I did Rochester and there was nobody protesting my shows. I'm like, I'm not a good comedian. I just do a show and there's people there and they're like, I had a great time. Six times seeing you.

And they leave. There's no chubby chick with pink hair saying he shouldn't be here. Everybody's like, yeah, and then nobody knows I'm there. I wanna do something. Why don't you hire somebody from task rabbit to be that person? What's task rabbit?

Just hire somebody to protest. Yeah, the show. It's all about optic Just hire somebody to protest. Yeah, the show. It's all about optic. Wow, we got protesters here at my show. What if I, my protest is though, or not protestes, they're supporters. If I just hire people to stand out in front of my show and be like, yay, yay,

Bubba, bubble, love you, can't wait to see you. I think those are called fans. Yeah, I should hire some So anything worse feeling than coming to a show there's only that just half sold I just did detroit Have solo be great. Yeah, I just did the independent comedy club in Detroit, which is great play That's a great place. That's a good room too I just did the independent comedy club in Detroit, which is a great place. That's a great place. That's a good room too, but the money was really low. Yeah, I did it, well I did it on Super Bowl Sunday

during a blizzard. Why? So that, because I was on the end of a Michigan run and I'm working, I'm just running my hour. But, The greatest hour you've ever done. Personally, yeah. It's the best hour you've done.

If it's not, like, are you worse than any of your old hours? Like, do you think you're shit now? No, I'm saying your hour right now is the best hour that I've ever written. Ever written. That's correct. That I've ever written. That's right. That's right. But you said ever written. I'm saying that you've ever written that I've ever written. That's right. That's right.

I have to promote with some sort of you. I am promoting that. I just realized I'm sorry. Thank you. February said the money's right at the independent and they did they gave me a hoodie. I Didn't get a hoodie. Yeah, I got a February 18th try out theater New York City low ticket alert second ones Almost basically sold out and then a couple handful of tickets. So there's only a couple tickets left. Yeah, yeah, that's great If you could tweet a story at the big rate. Well, you story it? Yeah, that'd be awesome. Maybe I should put it on the grid. How about people who cover their Instagram,

covet it? Covet? Yeah, like famous people covet their social media. It's probably smart. They're doing well. Yeah. It's fucking stinks. Wouldn't it be great to not need social media?

Just sell out. Wouldn't it be great if there was some kind of panel that decided who was funny and who they like sort of regulated. If the comedy industry is regulated, like the food industry or something. No, you're a hack. Sorry. Yeah, you have to be approved to work certain room. Who would be the panel? Like who would you choose? Louis CK Woody Allen, Bill Cosby, Vince champ.

They wheel him out like Hannibal Lecter. Woody Allen, Bill Cosby, Vince Chan, Vince Chan. They wheel him out like Hannibal Lecter. I'm not doing as well with Bobby tonight. What do you mean? Bobby's on one though, I can see. I can see. You're a little like pent up, you're a little aggressive. But I don't mind it. I just, I didn't know.

No, listen, my brain works differently than you two are fucking two young morons that smoke pot and your brain is different. Well, whatever, your brain's a different than mine. That's all. Yeah. I'm a little more, yeah. Angry. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a little more fucking, you know, you know, me, dude, I'm Boston. Go fuck yourself. Fuck my dick. See, that's you were talking about the accent. You're you, I can only talk about one thing and go down that road for it until it dies. You fucking idiots can go, zing zang, zing zang, zing,

boom bang, and then fucking say, hey, you hear this song, and I'm like, huh? I can't do that. I have to, you guys are fucking morons, and I love it. I love it. I love it. I love both of you guys a lot. You know that. I mean, I fucking love you guys are fucking morons and I love it. I love I love it I love both of you guys a lot you know that I mean I fucking love you both But you guys I'm 51. I'm an old man the way you talk is you have a

Like you're flipping the channel. Yeah, you just fuck yeah you got ding boom Big dang boom you guys just you know you look at every 51 though. No, say he's Look great for 51. You do. You ever see a 51 year old? Yeah. Well, the old 51s, those are like, those are gone.

I mean, I would look like that if I grew hair. I would look 50 fucking a-look rough. Oh, dude, I grew a beard in my hair back last summer. Oh, during COVID, I grew it for like a week and a half. Like the horseshoe? What are you doing? What are you, fucking? Are you a mental patient?

Do you have problems? I'm sorry. Is your mom sick? No. What's wrong? I wish. I wish. Turn your phone over.

Do you have a important thing? I'm sorry. No. All right, they went to fight. Do you have like a... Are you crazy? No, I don't think so. Is he crazy? No. No.'t think so. Is he crazy?

No, no. No more than anybody. Any of us? All right. Man, I'm sorry. It's terrible. It's fucking annoying. We're addicted.

I know it's terrible. I wish we could all find the wife. The business did it to us. You sound like my wife. Hey, put the phone down and have sex with me, please. You know? I'm on, I'm doing research for my TikTok. My wife's hands were by phone.

Yeah. When we get in the bed, she's like, here, use this. Yeah. If I could have. It was in her view or Siri. I mean, she does. You still have sex with your wife? Yeah.

Yeah. I love having sex with my wife. It's not often, and I'm not good at it all the time, but it's fun. Me neither. I'm really like not good at it. the time, but it's fun. Me neither, I'm really not good at it. But you like it after the baby? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I always think good shape.

Yeah, mine too. Yeah, and also I don't wear condoms, so that just automatically makes it awesome. Like if you wear condoms, it's easy to kind of not like sex. But if you don't wear a condom, it never doesn't feel like the best thing ever. What do you mean? Like it's a wet pussy on your penis. That's the best. So wet pussy on your penis. But after the baby, you didn't think it was a little bigger?

No, because she got a scissored open. Oh, she didn't have a come out of the vagina. No, we tried, but he was flipped upside down. Did you have a US come out of the Vigige? Mm-hmm. And it didn't seem a little bigger after. No. The demigorgon's face. My wife's pussy after the birth did look angry. Yeah, it looked like a fucking drunk whine-o just staggering. I just remember fucking, uh, did you watch the baby come out? Yeah.

You watch the come out of the vagina. Yeah. I just kind of stood in the back. I like hung back. There was one point where I saw, because my baby, Max, he was born with hair. Like a full, so when he, there was one point where just the top of the head was out

and her pubes and the hair would join. So it just looked like, he looked like Stallone going into a full. I'm gonna shut up. I'm gonna shut up. I'm gonna shut up. This is fun. I feel like this coffee isn't decaf though.

I asked for decaf. I think it's regular. I think it's regular. No, I'm just, I'm a little more like more alert tonight. Did she not get you? No, it's fine. Yeah, he's mad. Whatever it is.

It's something great. He's, I'm, there's something wrong with me. What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? Am I saying he's not great. I'm saying who Says that What about coffee? Yeah, I'm healed of something. I do. How do you know when it's do you? I don't understand that I don't know if it's caffeine not effective. I feel kind of wired. Oh, no like not where I go

I think this is not Decaffeinated I handle coke better than I handle coffee I think this is not decaffeinated. I handle coke better than I handle coffee. I absolutely would do. You do coke? No, not anymore, but I used to. And I used to handle it way better and more like, you know, focused and ready to go about my day.

Coffee makes me feel like I'm leaping out of my skin. I just nothing to me. It's crazy. I just like the creamy taste on my tongue. That's right. Yeah, it does nothing to me anymore. I can go to sleep tomorrow, like right now. I can go to sleep.

Me right now, I can go to sleep. I get fall asleep in that chair right now. It does nothing to me. Anywho, Amy Schumer and Wanda Sykes and Regina Hill, Hall, hosting the Oscars. It's gonna be good. Three people. Who's Regina Hall?

She's an actress. Yeah. I think it will be good. Three people. Who's Regina Hall? She's an actress. Yeah. I think it would be good. Do you? Three hosts. I mean, at least comics are back. It's like Kevin Hart do it. They didn't. They wouldn't let him.

They wouldn't let him. Who wants it? Like John Hammos, he's like, I'm to edgy. He's stuck to, yeah, he said no. He took himself out. He didn't want to, he didn't want, goes Andy Gaye. Yeah, he doesn't want to, yeah, he said no, he took himself out. He didn't want to, he didn't want, goes anti-K. Yeah, he doesn't want to, like, you know, if you do that, it's almost like you're running for president.

Like you get, for those couple days, you get all the eyes on you, they're gonna run through your shit. Have you been problematic? What's your booze problem? Why'd you break up with that girl? You refused to marry for 18 years, but kept her as your girlfriend, John.

Like he doesn't want to face that shit. Why would you? Yeah, but you probably get other shit too. He's probably going to be. Maybe. Yeah, it's probably got some weird shit happening. Dude, to walk away from the Oscar hosting the Oscars. I don't know. Would you want to?

Yeah, but you can't do anything anymore. It goes back to the thing that you've been booking apart. You can't, we can't get anything. Anybody who's ever done comedy, he's a big comic fan, by the way. You've done set a done stupid shit. Unless you're commenting, unless your comedy is commenting on people doing that shit. You know what I mean?

Like if you're a snark and your whole thing is like, well, look at this fucking idiot, then those are the people that have held themselves righteous enough to, yeah, you have to have a righteous background now to make it and show business, I think, to be on that level of fame. Yeah. Well, just come in out of the under the radar and just, you know, not let anybody see you. Yeah. But I like our supporters. I like our listeners.

I like the people that come out to shows. They're great. I wish I were more of them. I'm hoping that they'll tell their friends. It's great, but, you know, it's all positive, man. Yeah, I feel good. I think there might be some. Those LA guys are gonna be dead in a few years.

Yeah, we're gonna stop them all up. First of all, California is gonna be in the ocean by 2025. Those guys is sure doing something right. I don't know, I don't know what to do. I think they've just been on Rogan and they do each other's shows. Well, and they know how to manipulate the algorithm with their stuff. They've been on Rogan's. Yeah each other shows. Well, and they know how to manipulate the algorithm with the list.

They've been on Rogan. Yeah, they've good to know. No, Lisbon on Rogan a bunch of times. Mm-hmm. There's been guys that've been on Rogan that didn't, it didn't pay, you know, things, Vos has been on Rogan twice. You know what I mean?

But he got his new rings, new watch. Why would you bring that up? Cause I want to know how your meetup was What do you mean because you keep kind of like Bringing up boss, but not really getting into it And I want to know that if there is hope on the horizon for your two's friendship Well, he I haven't talked to him since He sent me a text message and it said I Hope we can still be friends and I said, I hope so too.

Thanks for the, thanks for helping me with the Rubigig. No, you know, and I wrote, I'm glad I could help you. And then he sent me, is it too soon to get my Christmas present? Because I bought him, I never gave him his present. Nice. Because of that.

And then I never responded. He's, and then he came up tonight and he's like, you're crazy. You shouldn't be mad. I'm like, you stole my dream watch. You stole my dream. Why would I not be mad? You were, you were part of it.

If you weren't part of it, I wouldn't fucking care. And you were part of it. And then he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, He should call your bluff and just offer to sell it to you and I wouldn't buy I know But I would know that he's a good person. I know that's all I wanted it's God if you call me

I said dude. I'm gonna say this I would be like I can't get it right now I want to he got it for a cheap price. Oh, even if he sold it to you for blue book He'd be making some money and then tonight when he was leaving he came on he goes hey, do you have that $20? No, he didn't. Did he actually? Yeah, and he took it. He is like terminally Jewish. I get, I literally pulled out the 20 and he took it. And he said, thank you.

I'm sorry, Mrs. McFarlane. He's husband is terminally Jewish. Beep, he's not. Well, that, beep, beep. He's fucking, there's nobody, there's nobody on the planet. Like, I mean, him, him, he is so fucking stingy. Yeah. Yeah.

So you want me to be friends with him? Yeah. I think your friendship means a lot to me. Just proves you can keep friends, you know? You guys are always nice to me. Right. You would probably never do that. If no, I don't have the means nor would I like to,

if I did, I wouldn't spend it on a watch. I know, but it is pretty silly, but I don't know. What would you do with that amount of money? I'd probably build some homes for underprivileged. Yeah, yeah, I'd go down to New Orleans and I'd fix those levies. You wouldn't do it. He's a what do you would?

I would. I can't wait till I can donate. You're not gonna donate anything. Neither one of you would donate to anybody. That's not true. I've donated. What? Everybody has cancer.

I'm gonna get a big suckers. I've got a big truck full of turkeys around things. Yeah, just throw them to people. Neenobrounds, yeah. Yeah, really would. Yeah, I'd like to do that. A truck of turkeys? I think that's better than having a watch.

Just throwing turkeys in 30 poor people. Once you throw like 15 of them and the more of a crowd gathers, then you can open fire. Right. All right, guys, everybody, please form a line. Guys, please. Yeah, this type of dialogue I hate. You guys are all over the place. I mean, it's hilarious, but I can't be a part of it.

You're like talking about calling more people. I don't know. Are you wearing turkeys? Here's the place. I mean, it's hilarious. Yeah. But I can't be a part of it. You don't like talking about calling or people. No, you went from you. Here's the scenario. Ready? Here's the. You went from having a serious conversation. We have to know about me being a me and boss

being petty dickheads. And then what you would do for the fucking 50,000, 50,000, and then you went from I would help people. And then you were like, I would get a truck full of turkeys. And now I'm here. And then you're like, yeah, and then you line them up. And then you went from I would help people and then you like I would get a truck full of turkeys and now I'm here And then you like yeah, and then you line them up and then you murder them and then we're murdering That's it. That's the thing is underprivileged people. We have to know about politics history Pop culture is talking with some and you just your idea of pie guys is going boss you took my watch Well, I like that watching you bought it. I mean

What do you get? That's, that's the truth. But you were there too. You could have changed the conversation. Why do I want them? I'm around two legends. Isn't it fun and sweet though that people have been following your two hijinks for 20 years?

No, like that's nice. People are invested in your friendship. Me and Boston are always friends. Oh, never mind.. We fought. I mean we almost fought downstairs one night. That's fight. Yeah, who would win? Sometimes like I've been watching Bobby and boss go to Brazil and fuck prostitutes for over 20 years You'd take them down right boss. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cuz what he takes fucking. I don't know I would never say that to him because he has he's you know He gets crazy with that shit, but I saw him fight Keith once and he he threw a kick and it was just not good optics I would

He was in the 90s. Yeah, that would have been video today. He would he'd be canceled They were blindfold boxing and he picked his blindfold up and looked and then threw a kick. Oh my God. I use it if I can cheat in some way. I would pick the shit out of boss. Really? Boss gets on, he's like, so I just beat up this black guy.

I have to die. It's like 1993, no one has camera phones. They're like, ah! Hey, what are you? Are you colored? What do you birth from an owl? I've had somebody leave my What are you from Africa? Oh, yeah, get on. This is so funny Yeah, show my watches five thousand dollars one of your cousins probably picked it

Okay, I've had somebody leave my show every show for the last three weeks really yeah nice Yeah, I have one specific bit or a different now I guess somebody leave my show, every show for the last three weeks. Really? Yeah. Nice. Yeah. I have one specific bit or at the point. No, it's a couple different things. Yeah. Yeah. Just the fucking.

And one was because I'm too dirty, I'm too crass. Dude, there are, that is a thing that I'm running into is the puritanical nature of this country where it's like, it's really kind of going backwards and weird. No, it's always been there. I know, but even now, I thought it would be like like, but now they all have like pink and orange hair and they like, they're like, buy. It's sorry.

They like, don't talk about that. Unless you're me. Yeah. No, my, that, the, the, the, the me being too dirty was about fucking. Yeah. I just had a couple bits on sticking your dick into vagina and they just found it offensive.

Yeah, maybe they were picturing it. Well, I understand it. I understand them. Just throws up. Oh, okay, it's me. Fuckin' you. They're just leaving to go vomit. Dude, I'm so glad Canon's here because you're such a,

you're like a difficult guy to have a conversation with Because you're such a bully and you're like what? Why did you fucking say it to me like? You're gonna cancel my you're gonna cancel Because you're he's got to watch like And that gig I'm taking away from Baby I'm taking away from you. He's such a baby.

There he goes. He's not going to tell me I won the podcast. Hey, but you're on the podcast. Cancel that special. Love you. Love you. Okay. My machine's a fucking psychopath.

Fucking weirdo autistic fucking weirdo. I'm done with them. Bye. Love you. That was a drugatory way to say autistic. Yeah. Yeah. Because when I said to family members.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, there's one or cystic family. Sorry. Sorry. No, you guys, first of all, you're the bullies, okay? You're both attacking me and it's unfair. We're not really attacking you. This isn't a fair thing. We're attacking you.

This isn't a fair fight. We're like when the power rangers formed a gathering. Yeah. You guys are attacking me. And I like like you that use the word bully. Here bully go fuck yourself. You know, fuck the cracky right now. Do you know what you would have fucking bully is fucking boxy bitch? Do you know what we're doing? This guy's the bully. Shut the fuck now, but

you're weird like fucking. I don't I never like jump. You're a pussy. I know you are. I don't- I never- I never like- Shump. You're a fucking pussy on the floor. I am a pussy. You can't take a little fucking heat. No, I am a pussy. And then you call somebody a bully. Go fuck yourself. I am a pussy, but I never- I never know like how to navigate

a conversation with you. Yeah, how about- you're doing it right now. You just did it for a fucking hour and a half. You're fucking moron. We talked on the phone for a half hour the other day. You're fine. You're a weirdo. You know you're weird.

Like am I setting him off? And then you hung- you hung up on me. That's because you stole my. You're a weirdo. You know you're weird like am I setting him off and then you hung you hung up on me? That's cuz you stole my part in a fucking TV show You took my part. No, I didn't take your part. Nice. Good job. Congratulations See no, I think it was a different it's a different part. I think what show can you say flat push mr. Meener? Nice. Yeah, he took it. It's one line at the end of the show. One one line. It's awesome. Yeah. It's great. It's sad card, dude. I'd love to be on that show. I love taking more gigs from Bobby. You're not Chris Atlas is fucking out. Who's platinum? Yeah.

Well, that's it. We're done. I got to do. We got to go to Patreon. Okay. I've got to go to 10. 40. You can leave whenever you want. 10.

Yeah. That's four. Yeah. Sure. What do you got going on? I have a spot at New York comedy club. It's a great place. Yeah. I would stay out, but I might maybe wakes up at seven in the morning. Mine too. Yeah, yeah, mine too

Fucking pussy's I've been I'm like sleep in Yeah, taking time. Yeah, take a load off my kid is immediately like cars now, and I'm like all right dude How old you kid? Two and a half. He's fired up. I get to worse. I'm excited for when it gets nice out of them

because, no. When I put a nicks on that from the beginning, my wife was lobbying for that shit early. And I was like, I can't be in a marriage where I might roll over my son with a hard dick trying to fuck my wife. Like I can't do that. It will not work. So I said no better. Just put him on the other side.

To put him on the other side. I said to my wife and she was like, you have erectile dysfunction. So don't worry about that. You soft dick, autistic fucking. Dude, wait till your kid starts like running into bed and shit my kid because I had a old bit about picking my son up with Morning wood and stuff like that, you know, it as a baby and you just it's a weird situation He has since Run headfirst into the bed dove and hit my dick like it's a telephone pole what he had a DUI

He just like, well, more like a chocolate E-clair. Small shrub. More like it. That's the fuck a weirdo shit. Why? What? Your kid hit your dick. You're laying down sleeping and you're eating.

And your dick is sticking straight up. Yes. My dick hasn't done that in a long time. My dick gets hard, bro. But if you're lying down, doesn't it go straight up to your face? Sometimes, but it depends what pants and panties I'm wearing. That's a weird dick. It's good dick.

The stick's straight out. Sometimes, yeah, for sure. Sometimes it just goes up but not fully flat, so it's just kind of like at a 45 degree angle It's facing if I pissed I'd hit myself in the mouth, but it's it's not like fully against my belly You kid hit you dick. Yeah, then what do you do? He was like what was that and I said what made you mother fucker? Oh my god And then what did you say? I said cool.

No one likes cars. Oh really? And we played cars and I had to flip up my erection for the first eight minutes of being awake. You don't do that? Like, get an erection? No, I don't get an erection. Do you?

You've just get erection. You've just completely checked out. Do you not like, do you not play with your son and it's like, you're just hard. Like, it's not like I'm hard because of my son. I'm hard because I'm hard. It's hard.

I don't get hard, dude. Yeah, I'm never really just hard. I don't get hard. You're like an athlete. Yeah, I don't fuck it. And I'm hard. You're like in good shape. Yeah.

I have to get hard. I'm never hard. I'm never hard. Yeah, I'm never hard. I have to get hard. But sometimes when I have sex, I have to get hard. I don't I'm not I'm never I'll spurt it up. Yeah, I'm never hard. I have to get hard. But I sometimes when I have sex, I have to get hard. But sometimes when I'm alone, I've never worked hard. I've never been when he's

alone watching cars. Yeah, just wants to fuck the right car. He wants to fuck the Larry the cable guy pick up truck. Who made her's the shit, dude. I'm over Pl plane's guy. No, you're not. Dan thought that was gonna be a cool 200 mil, didn't he? I had a yellow them to send me a plane.

Yeah, he didn't send me a plane. For your son or for you? We were friends at the time. And I was like, dude, you're fucking the guy. Yeah. That's my kid's favorite movie right now. Can you send them a plane? Did they make more than one?

Two. Oh shit. What is it dream works, you send it? No, it's Pixar. Pixar Disney. Guys, we gotta go into planes. Patriot. It's like, it's a spin off of cars.

I got questions for you. Dean Cook's in it? Are you guys listening at all? No, of course not. You're a fucking mental patient. Um, that's ableist. Yeah, what have on me mental Both of us I think that's the best part of this podcast is when you use terms like that at Bobby and he just fucking just water on a robot short circuits

It's the best Yeah, fuck him. He's not a spark He is a fucking a shit. Doesn't have any conversations, it's girls. It's not true. I got here it is. It's fucking absolutely true. You're a fucking mental patient. You're exactly what everybody says about you.

Um, what? What? Um, this is for, we're gonna go to Patreon only. Who says I'm a mental patient? Uh, Nobody, nobody said that go to Patreon only. Who says I'm a mental patient? Uh. No, but he said that.

Somebody said that. Nobody said that. Somebody said that. Nobody said that. I said that. I gotta read, do I read this first? At the end of Patreon. At the end.

All right. I gotta do this thing. We have questions in the Patreon. First of all, thank you for this. Are there scenarios? Give you a plug real quick. Oh, February 18th. That's this Friday.

So if you're watching live in New York, make a day out of it. Make a night. It's a Friday night. Couple tickets left. I appreciate all the support from the YKWD fans. Seriously, a lot of them are coming out on the road. And it's fucking awesome. Yeah.

This is my first time in a lot of markets. And you hit a lot of places. So it's really cool. Yeah. This Friday, come on out. 7 p.m. Get tickets to that one. The 930 is like three seats left. So it's great. Yeah, go the go though, because people cancel. Yeah, yeah, oversell it. Yeah, oversell. Because people with like

odds to call to something happens and you need those people. So oversell, what do you got? Thursday night, it'll be at Caroline's on Broadway, co-headlining with Adam Friedland. If you want to come out and see me do a long. Oh, yeah. Right. I'll be at Caroline's on Broadway. Co-headlining with Adam Friedland. If you want to come out and see me do a long, so yeah, right? I'll be a good chill. That's it. You got a podcast. What's your podcast?

I'm starting that new one, but it's what is it called? It's going to be called Out for Smokes. Out for Smokes. It's not a win. Is it a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad? Yeah. Nice.

That's a good one. It's like, I'm leaving my son a podcast in case I die So all my all my like wisdom is on it. So it's Lewis Jay Gomez fucking deal. That's what he's doing He's leaving James a network a legacy a legacy. Yeah, it's women that he's Cool and of course Jamaica trip moms I'm gonna be doing the same thing. I think you did last week capital prime lancing I'm gonna be doing the same thing I think you did last week capital prime Lansing to bar at night. Nice. Holland Michigan on Thursday, Milwaukee, Friday, Chicago on Saturday, and there you go. And then I got bumped from that. I was gonna do Laffitt up.

And then the guy reached out to me and said, Bobby's agents were insistent on those dates. So I have to move you again. Oh, you were supposed to be there. Yeah. What is the numbers? And then rescheduled from 128 to 129. That feels like that shouldn't be on your website. That window we had, that's when I was there. And they they canceled the shows. Gotcha. And they moved me to there. I guess the route is babe. It's going to be fun. That's going to be fucking great. Did we get in a colo room? Yeah. Did left button pony up? Nope. It's okay be fun. That's gonna be fucking great. Did we get in a collar room? Yeah. Did left button pony up? Nope. It's okay.

We're gonna still try. Okay. Um, we'll see what happens. Yeah. But if not, we'll take care of it. It's gonna be great. And then Fort Wayne, Summit, Comedy Club. I got a thing up and, where is it?

Oh, we're doing Aries Chaffir, Jay Ocasin and me doing these gigs. Thursday, Friday, Saturday in Summit City Comedy Club, Fort Wayne, Indiana, Graham Rapids, Michigan, and Detroit. I'll be back there. So with those guys, and then Niagara Falls with Robert Kelly and friends, and that's with, at the Bears Den, with Rich Voss, my old friend, and who will be wearing his watch and Lewis J Gomez. Nice.

That's happening. So get tickets to that. And then there's a bunch of fucking things. But go to comedy wearables.com, use code word ladybugs and you can get all the YKWD stuff right there. And I do sell them at the shows and stuff like that. Just the hats, not shirts or stuff. But there you go, go there, use code word ladybug.

And what else? That's it. All right, and then we got these, we're in the Patreon only part of the show. Thanks Patreon for being a part of the, the page. You guys, I love you. You guys are the best. And I hope you guys like the podcast, culture and Kelly, two times a week. And we're going to be doing a live from the shed again and I got another podcast that I'm starting hopefully soon we'll let you know about that can I do a shed interview? It's for accomplished people. I'm almost running out of them so you're yeah who asked me to do that I was like no it was definitely me

was you? Yeah I mentioned this every time you bring it up. I think it was List. Oh. Why Joe would be great. I'm just in a movie. Yeah, but he just does this. He's going to do an unmasked movie. Come out.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, I'm going to be doing those in the summer. Are you in that? Yeah, you are. Yeah. Yep, a minute. Stick around. It's not over yet. This episode of YKWD is continuing now exclusively on patreon.com slash a rubber kelly.

See you there. Hey, if you're anywhere in Texas, you go to Texas. Yeah, there you go. What about you? Yeah, I'll go to Texas. Contact Kyla Gunter at Gunter Law Group for free 30 minutes. A free 30 minute consultation to discuss your options. Go to the Gunter Law Group.com email Kaila directly at Kaila KYLA at Gunter Law Group.com.

Or call her at 682241967 to set up your consultation today. And if you mention YKWD, they'll knock 25% off of the fee. This is legal advertisement is not intended to be specific legal advice. So there you go. I'm actually getting my will taken care of a will. No. You have a will? She had a will. Yeah. Yeah. I have a life insurance. I don't have a will to live. That wasn't my best. I like that. Um, there you go. This was fun. Thanks for having us. It was good. I'm sorry for my outburst. It's okay. Um, for hating you too. I love both you. I love both you very much. Same. I think you're both your

jealous of our youth and we're not young. I don't like you together. Why? I just think you're idiots. You've come up with several versions of me that you don't care for. I like you one on one. Yeah, one on one, not high. Yeah, I like you here one on one. I like you, I like you like with somebody, but not your generation. Cause then you used to think,

hang out with two little kids. It's like babysitting my son. Yeah, cause you're all over the place. Like when he left all of a sudden you started having a real conversation. It's like, yeah, hey dude man. And I was like, great. And we were talking. It was great. He comes back, yeah, fucking kid fucking. Well, you gotta be on him. You gotta be. You gotta see what I'm saying. You're correct. I'm absolutely 100% right. Yeah. I don't do like his, we're hit. We're hit. We're hit. People listen. No, but that conversation. But that's your thing. My thing is not your thing

But don't you like when you bring people? Yes, I like when he like when he was on a boss. It was good Yeah, you know, I mean he was good You two together are just You don't listen you have no listen. I listen you don't listen. I'm listening to both of you You don't listen, but then when you, when he left, you all of a sudden became my cannon that I love. That's right. Yeah, you said it.

Yeah, oh man, this and that. And I love the way the thing. And it's kind of like, you know, cabaret. And that's, I'm a fucking fiend. My God, this is cool, man. I'm 51. That's an interesting conversation to me. As soon as he came back,

hey, it's fucking girls. And fucking ticktex. Fucking do those. And fucking my kid wrapped in a hog. You know what I mean? I can't believe that's never happening. But do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, no, of course.

I'm not gonna say it. So I can sit here and lie, and be like, no guys, you're awesome. I think you're both shit together. But I think there's part of it. But no, but that is, I'm not blaming you. Of course. I think both of you are as hilarious.

And people, I think it's a great, I think it's a, dude. Best ever. Great episode. New regs. Great, no, I would never have you two on again. Oh, together, no. And let's know if there was like, like here's the problem of both of you.

But what's the problem with too on, or too performance? You just, you don't listen. You're going, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing. Ha, ha, ha, ha. You know, your brain, ding, ding, ding, you're just trying to zip shit out,

and he's trying to zip shit out. And I'm actually, I'm old, I'm a fucking cunt. I like to talk. Bobby's listeners are going, what's happening? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I can't pay attention to this. No, no. I like the top Bobby's listeners are going what's happening? Yeah, I can't pay attention to this no no, we're with fucking phone across the room My listeners my listeners my listeners are turning all his grandson He doesn't listen to the channel. You know, say what I'm saying? You're a fucking cut I just tried to say something and you just fucking worry about your little zinger The zinger was no, but see I just tried to say something. you just fucking worry about your little Zinger the Zinger was no, but see I just tried to say something and he just and he just can't oh it's just a rich boss That was a real baby. Can you come in here and fix my phone? These damn guys.

Too many jokes. It's fast. I can't concentrate. I think maybe I'm old. I like it. I don't, I don't, he's just a fucking quipping douchebag. Joe, yeah.

Yeah. When you call my grandson. Yeah. Let me call my colored nurse and see if you'll I want to listen to ONA on YouTube I want to listen to Anthony on the blacks. This is no good. I've really enjoyed myself tonight. Me too. I don't enjoy podcasting at all.

I hate this. He gave it a look in your eyes, this guy. It's like a weird. He makes better eye contact than Norman, for sure. For sure. That's the first person I think of what I think of no eye contact. His eye looked at Mark and he somehow looked directly in my eyes while not making eye contact. No, I'm making eye contact.

Yeah, he's an amazing. It's amazing. Hey, oh, hey. No, see, I think Mark has killed're very similar. They're very similar. Hey, oh, hey. No, see, I think Mark has killed people. I don't think Mike has. Not yet, he will. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Some, some lot. Yes, we'll be in it together. Yeah, some shit will happen with him. I think it's a turkey idea. What's that? When we murder a bunch of people pass out turns. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And I have to go to a spot. What do you got? I have New York comedy club. No, what do you got? February 18th, triad theater, New York City. Here's a scenario left button. Patreon.com slash scenario pod. Tordates mycatancommity.com. Thank you. Culture Kelly. Yeah, I can't wait. Yeah, we're doing the counter crews.

We're doing a live here's his scenario on the crews, by the way. Yeah, we're doing the counter-crues. We're doing a live here. Here's a scenario on the cruise, by the way. Oh, hell yeah. Yes. That's gonna be great. Live. Ah. Oh, there you go.

What did we just get disinvited? No, people were, people were falling. Who would want to fight between me and Faust? You would, I think, I mean, great. I don't know what his training background is. Right. But I do think from sheer size and probably impact of punch, you have it, you have a slight edge.

Yeah, but he's got a fucking rings on, so they might hurt. Yeah, that'll cut you. Yeah, plus you took Taekwondo in the 70s. Yeah, what is, I mean, everybody did. What do you got, Racine? I got Carolins on Broadway Thursday night, February 17th with Adam Friedland, and then follow me on Instagram and TikTok,

a micro-scene comedy on TikTok, Racine.mic on Instagram. There you go. All right, we'll see you guys next week. And you know what, thanks for joining us, bye. You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs.

Shitty jobs. you