Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Mom Sex, UFC 127, Acting
Episode Date: March 1, 2011Mom Sex, UFC 127, Acting Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...
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You know what I'm saying?
All right, what's up? It's Robert Kelly doing another
You know what dude podcast
I was supposed to get a new fucking song that I
Fan was making for me, but I don't know what happened
Fucking stop emailing me so we're still using this one.
You know what to do by Joe DeRosa.
Today I got Bill Dawes, who actually did a podcast with me
before about some UFC comedian, Broadway actor,
very funny guy.
Then we have his friend Kyle Finchham,
who is a comedian and a actor, I guess, slash actor, but mainly a comedian.
And we're going to be talking about some UFC, some acting, some horseshit, and see what the fuck's going on.
We've got a big UFC event this, this actually Saturday night in Australia.
Oh, the fuck they said. Do you do accents, Bill?
I try.
Well, welcome to the show.
Thank you.
Again, not that it's a show.
Pretty much at my apartment in New York, which is two doors now from you.
And you've probably used a bank check in here from the last podcast.
That's true.
You're probably fucking gizzed on the floor more times than me.
I think that back. I jerk off way too much.
I jerk off a ton of the place.
So I definitely have more juice on the floor.
Has your wife ever caught you jerking off?
She's caught me jerking off because I'm a professional.
She's got a system.
But she has caught me.
I have actually a joke I'm acting about it. She she caught me like a week later
Yeah, I was down in the hallway, you know, I have the downstairs and upstairs is my bathroom
You get a walk down that hallway and I jerked off in the hallway one week. I just had this fantasy about fucking
The my mom died
about fucking... her mom died. This is bad.
I have a start with her mom died. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Usually they just run away and she was like let's watch me so I kind of freaked out I went to the bathroom. I started cranking them out in the shower
But I redid my shower and I have slate
So it would stick to the fucking floor
Yeah, like the hot water and then it turns into fucking egg. That's not grow
Yeah, it's just fucking grow and then you know
It's like you get my wife's hair is in the drain with my gizz and it's just like this fucking clump of just fucking shit.
It's like SVU crime scene.
Right, so I fucking jerked off in the hallway.
Cause I figured it was like a sad scene.
Standing to your chair?
You'll add this fantasy where.
You might as well put your fucking dirt on an earthquake or something like that.
I had a fantasy with these girls which just comes over, goes downstairs, you have a door upstairs
and downstairs. She comes in just in a sundress down to the downstairs.
You used your imagination to check a picture of you.
Yeah, but that's not what 17.
Fuck yeah, dude. I fucking, that's what gets me going, dude.
Yeah.
Yeah, I need a scenario and I need a fucking, I need to play it out and think about it all day and I cast people
as extras and shit and day players and
I cast people with his extras and shit and day players.
And I fucking gizz in the hallway. And that first fucking gizz, the rogue fucking,
the rope, the big one.
Yeah, hit the fucking wall.
Good for you, man.
Yeah, it was great hitting the wall.
Yeah, it was fucking great.
Your prostate might have been constricted.
But I fucking, I cleaned it all up,
but that one nugget
was on the wall by a fucking photo of a rub of vacation.
And she was downstairs cleaning Monday,
and she's just like, come here.
I'm like, what?
Just get over here.
I'm like, what?
She goes, what's that?
Does she know?
Yeah, it's fucking jizz.
I go, I fucking jerked off in the hallway.
What am I gonna do?
Is she pissed?
She's like, she was not pissed. She was not pissed.
She was disappointed.
My wife doesn't get mad at me because she knows what a hunk of shit I am.
She just gets disappointed.
Where it's like really?
Really?
You know what I mean?
You couldn't, you fucking jerk it off.
You couldn't clean that up.
It was bad enough that you jerk it off.
And you know, you're not fucking banging me.
But you jerk it off and now you're doing it in a hallway and you're not even seeing it up after yourself that's our areruba vacation
that I write next to her.
So what's about it?
I'd you girl have you catching jerk it off?
No but my um my uh one woman lived with she came out one time and she saw me jerking
off and we had a discussion about it and at one point she was like well where you least thinking about me and I was kind of like well out one time and she saw me jerking off. We had a discussion about it. And at one point she was like,
well, where are you least thinking about me?
And I was kinda like, well, that defeats
the whole purpose of jerking off, right?
Like you got it.
Women got it, get that.
You're never jerking off to your girlfriend.
No, I mean, you jerking off to save the relationship.
Yeah.
You know, you've, that's, it's like, yeah,
what do you fucking retarded?
Jerking off to check with a fucking three tits
and a fucking dragon sword is fucking choking me out
by a fucking fiery son.
You know what I mean?
That's a little bit.
Yeah, but why, do you ever get Kyle?
I've been caught by everyone.
You really been caught drinking off?
I've been caught by, I got this caught twice
by my college roommate in the same week.
Wow, bunk beds.
My mom was in the same place.
Yeah, you don't jerk off while he's sleeping.
That probably you're good for.
Maybe wait until he leaves the room.
He's got to get sorry about his parents.
You got to fucking say that porn story.
Oh man.
Yeah, I mean, I kind of porn that my parents made.
When I was 15 years old.
Oh my, oh.
Yeah, my mom blowing my stuff to it.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
You watched it?
Yeah, because I was like, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
This is wait a minute.
You found a porn. You turned it on. Let me just back up. Shut your face. Let me back up here. Yeah, cuz I was wait a minute wait a minute. This is wait a minute. You found a porn You turned it on. Let me just back up shut your face. Let me back up. Yeah, you found a porn
Yeah, then you put it in the fucking yeah
And you saw that it was your mother but it's not like there was a label on it that says mom blowing doesn't matter
You know there's a little man on it doesn't matter you saw that it was your mom was it?
Was it night vision? Oh?
No, no, it was clear. It was like definitely like mid afternoon like like coming in from the side
And we prepped up and they get in but no no sitting there with my best friend you let your friends listen
I'm 13 to my step my step that's like the dad that had all the porn so people come over my place to watch porn all the time
Right, and we were like found a box with all this porn in it
Okay, we pull out like there's a vibrators in there. Yep.
And my mom's filthy. And we're putting videos in it. Would you fucking mom marry Rocco
Sofredi? My stepdad's filthy. Like to this day, like my stepdad's like almost 70 and he's
like he opened his mess of cabinets just full of like NSA and like male performance.
Fuck that. Listen, get back. The fact is, wait, stop.
I want to walk you through this.
Yeah.
Because you're going to fuck this story up.
I want to walk you through this.
You have your friend over.
You're trying to watch some porn.
You put a porn in.
First of all, you're watching.
I've never, how do you watch porn with your friend?
It's like 12 or 13.
Yeah, dude.
When you're young, you do shit. Do we jerk off from friends each other? No, it wasn't even jerk. I was like 12 or 13. Yeah, dude, when you're always watching, when you're young, you do shit.
Do we jerk off from friends each other?
No, it wasn't even jerk.
I was like, we'd like watch that, dude.
I fucked the old man, my son.
I'm off.
Fuck my mother.
Nobody's fucking circle jerk in this room.
I'll admit it.
I fucking put my friends cock in my mouth.
I blew a guy for a steak when I was a young boy.
I don't care about that.
That's all natural shit, but I get that you watch it
at a porn.
Yeah, so 13. You put the porn in. There's all these videos we're putting get that you watch it before. Yeah, so 13.
You put the porn in.
Yeah. There's all these videos we're putting in.
You pull out all that, you put the porn in.
You put the porn in.
I can't see, the TV was like big.
So when I pop it in, like all I can look up
and see is like a dick in a mouth.
That's all I can see.
And I turn and start walking back to my buddy
to sit next to him and he's like,
dude, is that your mom?
And I turn out and look back and I notice
like my stepdad's like a appendix scar
Oh my mom with like the dick and she's like she's doing the thing where like she's like sucking it and then pulling out and resting her head like on the dick and like looking him in the eye
It's a good technique your mom had like she knows she's doing. Yeah, so your mom knew how to suck some god
Yeah, now how far did you get into the porn? I sure I see immediately. I know that it's my mom
And I turn like like I pop a tape out and I'm like shaking and everything and my buddy
Still like he's still getting the mom buddy's fucking trying to suck his own cock like like your mom does
He's still like dude. Is that your mom?
I said your fucking mom dude and
I turn to him and I said to him I was like no, I just I've seen this one before. It's not that good
That's exactly what I said, but he knew but he knew he I think I got it out in time because like he didn't like go to school
And start telling everybody about it
But I mean no, you know why cuz he still jerks on
Right now I'm gonna jerk off if you see if you've seen my mom my stepdad you wouldn't jerk off does a mad dude
No, it doesn't matter. It's not the fact that what your mom looks like it's you it's somebody's mom suck in a day
Brilliant it was filthy. I mean she like you never running your
finger down his appendix scar like
whole for steak and that's not
awful fuck
so wait a minute yeah but she should know about it so so you never watched it
again no look at me look at me and Look at me. I never watched it again.
But there's a moment when I was like 16 or 17.
Yeah.
When we were in the car driving back to me,
my brother in the back seat, and my stepdad was driving
and my mom had gotten a little bit drunk.
And they were joking in the front seat,
like having like, they thought that I didn't know
what they were talking about.
And she was sort of being playful.
Like she wanted to bang later.
And my little brother made a joke about like a video camera.
And my stepdad made some joke to my mom in sineway
that he had filmed it before.
My mom was like, oh, stop it.
I immediately brought like a flashback to me.
Of your mom's stuff.
I'm getting PTSD.
So what do you, is your mom still around?
Yeah, she's still around.
And do you, can you look her in the face
without having that image?
No, no, I mean, it's.
Can we call her right now?
No, we can't call it about that
No, she waited a second. She doesn't know you know. No, she doesn't know I know but I mean she knows so every time
You see her that image pops up
Every time but I mean occasionally it was especially my step-down auction room
How big was your step-dice cock by the way if she's resting on it
I mean was she getting like leverage?
I mean he had some size, but I know she like she was able to, he's got this huge gut and like like really like you know like like like
He's a dad. Yeah, but like no, but more than like a dad
It's like that like like high school baseball coach gut, you know, like she was like resting her arm on the gut
And then like had the hand the dick in the hand and like running her finger down the thing and like I mean
It was I mean, I'll never get out of my head
So the you know it's still around.
Oh, it's definitely still around.
No, it's actually destroyed.
Yeah, fuck, dude.
I would get that.
I'd get that and fucking let me build watch.
I'll tell you how it ends.
Did your friend keep coming over to the house a lot
after that?
What's up?
Everybody came to my place to watch porn.
Everybody came to my place to watch.
There were so many more.
So after that, your friend never wanted to see that again.
No, he was still...
I, because there were all the other videos that had labels, like, you know, I mean,
girls who crave three cocks and like, you know, so I...
Your mom...
I mean, really cost everyone.
Your mom from your home.
Your mom from your home.
Your mom from your home.
Your mom from your home.
That's not the only one.
That's not the only thing.
No, no way.
I don't doubt it, man.
No way, dude.
There's definitely got to be another one.
I mean, he has so much shit. I mean, vibrators I found like we like I we should have stopped
There was like I pulled out like a gigantic like gray like mean vibrator like huge. Oh my god
Before the video like it was like a sign from God being like just stop. Just don't keep going. Oh my god, dude
That's that's fucking horrific. Yeah, like I'll never be able to meet your mom.
Because I'll just blow it out.
I will just come out.
You fucking sector car.
I was really do you getting a penance car?
How did you know?
Wow, that's fucking terrible.
My mom caught me jerking off.
Yeah, my mom caught me fucking red handed.
She, uh, I was, I was, uh, she cleaned all the sheets
on the bed so there was no
Nothing on the bed just the blank canvas me and a fucking thing of petroleum jelly back when I you know When you first start jerking off to use that petroleum jelly and want to proof your cock for a week and a half
You'd lemonade it. Yeah, and she came in and went boo
She said boo she went boo. she was trying to scare me.
Boo, and fucking, I'm just sitting there,
just jerking my little fucking, my 13 year old cock.
And she fell to the floor and laughed there.
Little just grabbed the door and shut it,
laughing all the way, crawling down the hallway.
And I went into the room and she was folding clothes,
just like, just trying to hold it in and my sister actually called me out like we're at a
dinner and some people over we got to a fight and she was like I was like you're
fatty and she was like at least I don't jerk off at the Vaseline and my mother
and father just both just don't just oh shit just lost it lost it lost but my I never
saw my oh I have a saw my mom I take that back I saw I can't but it was a
tragic thing I saw my mom getting banged by my stepfather but it was almost
like a rape it was like at the end of the relationship he kind of tried to get
on top of her and and do her. Yeah one last time when they were getting divorced
I had to call my uncles and they came over
What now we got the whole story
Well, yeah, he he didn't want to get divorced
He was an abusive stepdad used to beat the fuck out of me and my sister and my mom and
Five years of this shit went on and then finally they were getting she was like fuck you him out and
We're all you know we're pat know, the house was kind of packed up. We were just about to get the fuck out of there.
And I walked up and they were fighting,
and I just heard, you know, and he was on top of her.
She was sleeping, and he was on top of a triner banger.
And she was fighting him off.
How old are you?
I had to be six grade, seven, yes, six.
So what did you do?
Called my uncles. I had five fucking six grade seven. Yes, it's what you do. Call my uncles.
I have five fucking uncles called them.
Two of them came over and fucking sorted it out.
I don't know what happened after that, but my mother fought him off and told him to get
the fuck out.
I suppose he was a six before guy, a big guy, but a little pud.
A little big.
Later, she was like, it's no big deal.
His fucking dick was so small.
Didn't even get in.
You know what I mean?
But that's fucked up, dude.
You fucking saw your mom what a dirty girl she is.
Dude, well, I was actually like two years after I walked in
on them banging, too.
Walking in on a banging is one thing,
but dude, sit with your pal.
Let it open.
But I wanted to porn and your mom fucking,
what was zoomed into,
it wasn't even like a whole shot of the bed
Like it was literally like it was like for my like midfiel my stepdad to like mid chest and it was basically her whole face
That means he's a professional. He knows not
Self in the shot. Yeah, no
Oh God, dude. Yeah, that's terrible. That's fine. And you can you can never undo that. No, you can never undo you
Happy mom's face on her death bedroom. You like listen mom? I got something I gotta tell you
No, I mean, I think I I'd like to be able to talk to her about it soon
I think I should be able to open it. I think I should be able to say mom look when I was a kid
I saw the videotape are you sucking it?
It would be very healing. Well, no, what I might just say is that I saw the video that you and that they made because she maybe that like I don't know if the whole video was just her
second is dick no of course not so so what I'm thinking about so what I'm thinking is that like I
could say I just saw the video and she doesn't know what part I don't want to say where I saw
the video used to because then she doesn't stop specifically the part of the
suck and she might think it's part where she may be she's over she doesn't know what part so
that leave that to her imagination yeah she doesn't know you saw the part where she's maybe she's been. No, she doesn't know what part. So that leaves that to her imagination.
Yeah, she doesn't know you saw the part where you have 13-year-old friend comes in.
She sucks him off to blowing all the kids in the neighborhood.
You thought they were coming over for porn, and they were just coming over to see if your mom was around.
I'd be hilarious.
Come over here, little Jimmy.
You didn't see if you watched a few more seconds. I've just realized what a fucking scan
Yeah, it's my three buddies one of them told the camera. Yeah, boom Mike. Yeah. Oh
God
Fucking big vibrator. Oh
That the you're lucky to the end of that video you would have probably been done. Oh, yeah
Your mom definitely yes, oh on all four probably in your bed
Definitely. Yes, she is.
Oh, on all four.
In your bed.
Guaranteed.
They made their way to your bedroom.
Oh, man.
She's just holding on.
She just stepped that sniff in your little fucking Superman pajamas.
Oh, yeah.
That's fucking sick, dude.
So anyways, all right.
Well, you're going to talk to your mom about this?
Yeah, eventually.
Yeah, totally. Eventually? Yeah, why not your mom about this. Yeah, eventually. Yeah, totally eventually. Yeah
Why not full of shit? Yeah, I would I would I would I would get I'm trying if I'm talking about it on stage
Hopefully she'll find you do you talk about this on stage? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ
Kyle fucking thing
What's your name? I can't think you're finchum finchum. What's it? See you get a website Kyle finchum.com
And then oh look at eyes. I love comics websites. What's it? You get a website Kyle Finch him dot com and then look at eyes
I love comics websites. What's such fucking cheese balls?
Dude we are just fucking just me with my sexy photos bill you go
I don't even look at my don't even talk my my website's no worse Google build on no
Don't you fucking oh Jesus. There we go. I had this I had this this official site
Okay, that's from 2003 anything loading stinks
Do I need all looking you the fucking my little sideways?
Fucking hat to the prey you look like I swear to God, dude. You look like a hot Dutch girl
Christ dude, I gotta get rid of that fucking site. Oh man, that's not that bad.
No, it's bad.
Look, the one where you're looking up with a smile with your bangs.
Let me just get that, again, a guy with bangs sucks cock.
Unless it's fucking 70 to 86.
86, if you have bangs, you're okay, but eight time after 86 fucking bangs again
That's what I was like hey, I kind of look like own will so let me work that. Oh my god
I'll play his brother in a movie here, but he's a good. I mean you're a good-looking guy
I tell you that you're a good-looking guy for you're your ginger, too
I'm a ganger. Yeah, you're a fucking ginger dude. You're a good-looking guy. Yeah, your website's not that
That photo is just retarded. It's fucking Kyle's Jesus Christ just dude, you're a good looking guy. Yeah, your website's not that bad. That photo's just retarded.
It's fucking Kyle's, Jesus Christ, just eyes.
And your fucking dates.
Damn.
What are we supposed to know?
What does that tell us when we go to your site?
Nothing.
Eyes.
The eyes of a comedian.
I haven't seen that.
Oh, you wanna see the eyes?
Look at the eyes.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, Kyle. Jesus. Then we go to the calendar. You're not fucking with your website. you know you want to see the eyes look at the eyes oh yeah oh god oh Jesus then we
go to the calendar and fuck with your website the calendar is fucking bar four Dominics village
lantern hola hola oh Jesus Christ you're at the beginning of your career my friend but
there you go sitting down to do comedy that always works. Who the fuck you
So anyways, do we we got a fucking
Big UFC event coming up you're you're I take it you're a UFC fan
Yeah, there's no I mean there's no segue between I tried to fucking go to the websites
There's not really a segue from using your mom sucks somebody's cock. I know.
About BJ pen, there we go.
That's a sign.
There you go.
The fucking BJ pen, who your mom would grow if she got a chance.
Oh, dude, so fucking funny.
I actually, I have so much respect for your mom.
What a fucking great mom.
That, you know what I mean?
I mean, your mom likes sex and she's cool with it. I mean totally cool. Then your dad is cool
Do you have sex do you have problems that you a fucked up guy sexually? I do some weird shit sometimes like what?
I don't know man. I'm obsessed with like internet like finding like random girls online
I like getting naked on Skype and oh there was a chat. There's a chat roulette phase this guy went
No, I didn't do chat roulette though. I mean, I like go through and like find chicks online.
I'll just say, yeah, but we all, I mean, that's not really
that creepy dude.
I did that shit just fucking 10 years ago
when the internet first came out.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that was just like offering a whole time.
I think what comics do, especially at the beginning
of our careers, when we start to get on stage
and we get a little fame, not like fame, fame like Hollywood fame, but like people know us, you know,
random chicks and people get your comedy. That's what you do, dude. You try to get
these brads naked on the internet to send your photos and get on the video. We
all do that shit, you know what I mean? You're trying to bang brads via, hey, you saw my
show, are you at my show, are you think I'm funny? So there's nothing crazy about Yo me he encontrado en un programa de la historia, o sea, que es una cosa muy importante.
Es una cosa muy importante.
Yo no sé, no sé, en un país de la 3ª, en un país de la 6ª, en un día de la escena.
¡Venga, me toca! ¡Venga, me toca!
Yo creo que hay una historia sobre eso, no es esa idea.
6ª es OK, si es 7ª, no te pongo. Me voy a ir con eso, no es esa idea. 6 hokers, es OK. Si, tú no es 7, no hay fútbol.
Sí, sí.
Me voy a ir a la podcast en 5 años.
Ben y vive la emoción de la Navidad con Ifema Madrid.
Malinche, guá, Juvenalia, Círclasica, oro viejo,
Christmas by Starlight, Bresch y muchos más para disfrutar
con familia y amigos, la Navidad cobra vida con Ifema Madrid.
Entre en Ifema.es y compra tu entrada.
Ifema Madrid, siente la inspiración. yet, how fucked up this business is. It's so, it's like, why aren't, people literally say,
why aren't you on this show?
Like that's how easy it is.
Why don't you get on this thing?
Yeah, why don't you do movies?
Yeah, why don't you, yeah.
It's so fucked up.
I mean, the actual process, okay, I get my agent,
which you have to get an agent,
which is fucking crazy difficult.
Then you have an agent, you have to make sure
they end to you.
And the only way they're into you.
And the only way they're into you is if you've got something going on, you have to book
something.
You have to have some heat on you for them to be able to sell you.
You're a fucking product.
And then when you get a little heat, they'll get you some auditions.
And then when you get those auditions, you have to go in with a bunch of other fucking
assholes.
You'll walk into the room and there's a fucking Chinese guy, the fucking dude with long hair, there's a bald fat guy like me.
They don't know what the fuck they're looking for.
And you go in and against everybody.
And then you get a fucking read with a person who's not even looking at you.
I mean, it's acting.
Acting is reacting to another person.
I mean, that's to go back and forth. So to get the acting gig, you have to
Like not act. You have to be able to act to a fucking wall
Yeah, and now with the now with technology back in the day at least you didn't have video cameras or anything
They yet you had to be in the room with another human being that actually maybe watched you
Well, you did it with the scene with another person a reader they don't have that shit anymore they throw you on fucking tape you read
the lines either you do it or you don't they don't give a fuck you know I mean that's
where if you get a casting director in your corner that's fucking you yes it is that's
huge because they'll try to get you shit they'll they can get you to yeah if you get into
producers that's when you good then you can actually If they can get you into producers, that's when you're good. Then you can actually
fucking show them what you got. But after that, then you're gonna go to fucking network and they're
gonna like you. And then you're gonna go, you're gonna fucking table read or test and they're gonna
like that. And then you go to the pilot and then they got like how you were in the pilot. And they
got to like the pilot. They got like the pilot. they got like the pilot It's like a fucking never ending the only time you feel safe at a five. Remember I was on a show
An hour dramedy what a drama what other fucker was and I remember this actor
He was flipping out every day that he thought I was gonna get fired. God, dude
I mean and I didn't I didn't get it because I'm a comic and I just booked this part the dude like me Frank
Frank Lupo the guy who invented the 18 and TJ Hunter
He just liked me, you know, but I didn't understand but now I get it this kid every day
He's not gonna store
Is everything right? Are you gonna fire me and now I get it, dude?
You never fucking this business is fine and they you never get the real reason why fire like oh
Cuz we want to go in a different direction and then they hire some looks just like you and fucking same like how did you get?
I don't know if we talked about this last time, but how did you get the fucking gig on Broadway on on one party?
Well, I'm amazing. So that's part of it. No, um
I think part of this I did a I did a show with with Dan Loria
I was not addition. I auditioned I auditioned one time and they booked me
I think part of it that this director is just one of these guys who doesn't fucking give a fuck about names. He doesn't
give a fuck about what producers think. He's like, look, I like this guy. This is what I want.
That's what you need. See, the problem, what's happened also with your talk about is
now decisions are made by a committee. It used to be one fucking dictator. Be like,
this is what I want. That's what I want, we're going.
Right. And now it's like you have 12 people like, well, I don't know, but what about, yeah, yeah.
And then you end up getting like the third choice that everyone's just like, okay, you know what I mean,
everyone's everyone they get's cast is a fucking compromise. Yeah. So you don't actually go like first
choices never get chosen. You need a fan, man. You need a fan. Yeah. You need a fucking fan. You need
somebody to go, I like this person and to fight with you. Yeah. And they need to be a fan man. You need a fan. Yeah, you need a fucking fan. You need somebody to go
I like this person and to fight with you
Yeah, and they need to be a fucking producer because dude when I I audition I almost got cast as Lex Luthor in small bill
That was like my biggest I was up in that where they're like you're getting the offer you're getting the offer
In this castner, cuz a case fucking perfect. He's amazing to that
And I was like well the very least I have this fucking fan. The next time I auditioned for it was for a recurring on Small Bill, and I'd play
like a yoga teacher who was in fucking India, and I wore a fucking, ugh, one of his gay
little sorry shirts with the fucking beads and shit.
And then she goes, he's kinda gay.
So she went from thing I'm the best actor to play and be like, oh, I came in, he was
kinda gay.
I'm like, well, I'm trying to play a fucking yoga guy who's crying over his mother's death
bed. Now I'm a fucking f I'm trying to play a fucking yoga guy who's crying over his mother's deathbed.
Now I'm a fucking faggot because...
Do you actually go into auditions dressed up as the person?
I've done that before, which is the dumbest fucking thing in the world.
I went in for like a medical drama and I brought...
My brother's a doctor. I borrowed his scrubs.
Oh no.
This is like my third audition. They loved me and I came in with like fucking dog tags and
the fucking scrubs and fucking like hey look how
prepared I am everyone else is out there in jeans and t-shirt right me while I'm thinking I'm fucking
super-bear it's like this is this desperate fucking douche who needs a job I remember guy brought in a
basketball because you're supposed to be dribbling a basketball and he brought in a basketball
I was getting here through his whole audition. Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug.
I did it once on one of my first auditions in LA.
I went in for a cheesy B movie.
And the guy had sunglasses on.
I wore sunglasses in the fucking audition.
And they just watched me.
And then right at the end of my, when I was a guy,
they go, yeah, okay, can you do us a favor?
Can you take the sunglasses off? Because we're kind of gonna see your eyes. And I was like, all right, they go, yeah, okay, can you do us a favor? Can you take the sunglasses off?
Because we're kind of going to see your eyes.
And I was like, oh, okay.
And then you're fucking lost.
Then you're auditioning like $180 on these fucking sunglasses.
That's all right.
Because I'm going to get sunglasses.
It's just sunglasses.
You're going to wear sunglasses.
Fucking stupid.
The most impressive thing I wanted for this one, I've been going
for a lot of pilots this one year.
And my friend had been working a lot. I go, dude, I go in. I feel like I lose my go. What point in addition do they lose interest?
He goes, well, how's it work for you? I was like, well, I go and I go, hey, I'm Bill Dozio. Yeah, that's when they lost interest.
Why?
Just right away. They're like, what, so what did he say to do?
He just said, you can't do anything. The men you go in there like this is who I am. They're like, I don't give a fuck who you are.
You're just auditioning right you know
I mean yeah, not they have 10 offers out to fucking people they know famous
Yeah, so the idea that you go into an audition and you're so incredible and your ability to fucking fake it in front to a to a wall
It's so incredible. They're gonna be like you know what?
I don't need Scott con for this role. Yeah, let's get Bill Dawes
It's unknown guy with no credits because fucking Jesus Christ.
It's all a double insored.
I mean, even to get to SAG, you have to be in a SAG movie to be in SAG, but you can't
be in a SAG movie unless you're in SAG.
Figure that shit out.
Yeah.
And then, I mean, there's so many, and now that we were talking before, all that's doing
is recycling these.
Back in the day, you became a a star your star fell and you out yeah
and they had a new star yeah you had a card dealership and fucking to pang up yeah now you can
become a star fall the fuck out go back to TV yeah and take up those fucking jobs yeah now these
asshole actors these movie actors just go to TV yeah and fucking make 60 grand a week yeah
these those used to be our parts uh-huh those used to be the parts where the young known would be on Get the Gig.
And now it's like fuck it. We'll get this guy. He was on this and that.
Yeah. You have to have somebody attached to everything.
Mm-hmm. And, or they'll just go get a reality show.
Yeah. And get it.
And the thing about LA too, once you go into producers, you meet producers,
every time you go in a producer session, I'm going to do the pre-reate.
It's like this bunch of duchess and most of them are retarded. Right. But when you go in producers, like everyone in the, you meet producers, every time you go in a producer session, and when you do the pre-reads, it's like this bunch of duchess and most of them are retarded.
But when you go in producers, like everyone, and you're like, oh, I just saw that guy's
movie.
Oh, I just saw that.
Oh, there's Jason Prisley going up for the same role I'm going for.
Like, fuck Jason Prisley, but at the same time, who am I?
Yeah, I walked in.
I was in a fucking movie.
It was the same movie that Sunglasses won.
And it was for a really good looking guy.
And I walked in, it was all fucking really good looking guy and I walked in it was all
fucking like gorgeous guys and I just literally laughed I was like a real man and then the door
opened and a legitimate I forget his name he was a super model legitimate super model walked in it
was like hey guys walked out everybody went off fuck and I just cracked up oh my god Jesus and he's the one
who actually got of course of course he fucking did but do you feel as a comic it helps
you it doesn't you feel like put you on step above these other fucking ass holes come no comics
in notoriously bad actors yeah yeah no they want comics to be great actors but we're not I mean
I'm good I can put my weight you're good there's some guys that can act and we're not. I mean I'm good. I can put my weight. You're good. There's some guys that can act and we're the fucking minority. We're not the majority. Most comics, great comics, can't act
their way out of a fucking paper bag. I mean that's the, that's the, you know, what what people
casting directors and everybody knows is that we most comics stink. They're great on stage.
They can fucking command an audience, but you put them with another person and give them some lines and they don't know what the fuck to do and they can't do other
people's funny, they can't do other people's words, they just don't.
And the thing is, is that when you do get a comment that can act, we can really act.
You're a very fucking emotional, very fucking, I mean, Eddie Murphy's a great actor.
I mean, he played six people in the fucking The Nutty Professor.
Go fuck yourself.
I don't know who could have done that.
It made it funny. Nobody. You know what I mean? That's what six people in the fucking the Nutty Professor. Go fuck yourself. I don't know who could have done that. It made it funny.
Nobody.
You know what I mean?
That's what he said in the interview.
He goes, I got a nomination for fucking
that fucking musically did.
What was that?
Oh, Dreamgirls.
Yeah, it's like, they're all fucking over my mouth.
You know, go crazy about me playing a fucking addict.
But I played six people in the nighty professor.
I was everybody.
And nobody said shit.
Nobody gave me shit up for that.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, acting is a motherfucker.
And then once you get something though,
I mean, if you got any salt, you're fucking in.
I mean, you're in.
I mean, you're on Broadway.
It's not gonna be hard for you to get another Broadway gig.
I don't know.
There's no guarantee for that.
Hang on one second. Acting is, we're talking talking about acting when you go in for an audition this place is where you audition for these roles
Yeah, he's went for commercial audition though. Yeah big commercial. Oh
Fucking worst. Who is it like a local fucking like dude? It was like
Bank dating dating you get one you're the shit national ad you make a lot of money
Bank dating dating you get one you're the shit national ad you make a lot of money
But you they're fucking terrible those are the the fucking actors that don't get
Acting audition, that's what I want to give you. I mean you don't do anything You they go in there and make you like jumping a box or like yeah, I mean like you have to
I quit doing commercial auditions because I was like I'm gonna fucking kill myself if I go in a cuz you go in there
And you see all these same fucking people
and they want to talk to you about fucking sports
and like, hey, and they all try to like lower their knowledge
of fucking dumb sports stats on you.
And you're like, yeah.
Oh, and here's a picture of my baby.
And you're like, I don't, I want to stab your baby too.
Yeah, it's like, it's like as bad as a voice over auditions.
How the worst.
It's like dudes in their 50s with their babies
and a soul you know
in the front of holding their babies going into fucking hell. Oh, little pizza
hot. Holy shit. Holy fuck.
Oh, I booked one as an angry baby. But uh, spring of sports. Yeah, it's eggway well done. Oh, fuck we're just finished. We're just done
At least you're at the beginning of done
You're at the beginning where you still have hope
You know what I mean? You it's gonna work out. No, the hope is so good. Yeah, I was 26. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a little jaded
Sure The hope is pretty low. Yeah, I was 26. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a little jaded. You're sure. Sure. We got UFC
127 this weekend. First of all, I want to thank the guys at fucking Tokyo 5. Oh, yeah, which is
my favorite fucking clothing line. Yeah. That's what John Donner and her wears every day. Tokyo five is the shit, dude.
I mean, I got their jeans on right now.
I have their shirt.
Yeah, these are Tokyo, they make great fucking jeans.
Unfuckin' believable jeans.
I have, I had two other pair, but I wore them so much.
I literally rubbed the inside thighs out twice.
I had to have the Asian lady down the street
fucking sewn back up twice. I was to have the Asian lady down the street fucking so I'm back up twice.
I was on stage and they just ripped it,
fuck it out from my ball acid sweat
and threw them.
But yeah, Tokyo five is my favorite.
Anything with Japanese writing, I fucking love.
Oh yeah.
And but they have cool ass clothes.
Some of the MMA clothing is just like,
I write like dragons fucking nuns
Yeah, dragons and fucking an eagle swooping in and fucking some
Damn zone distress
I mean some of it's a shiny silvery
Oh shit. Yeah, but sequins yeah Tokyo 5 is pretty pretty badass
So if you if you if you like some fucking cool ass MMA clothes, yeah, Tokyo 5 clothing is the shit and the guy I follow the guy on Twitter
He'll remember the little deal didn't give me free shit. I have gotten they've given me I got a Tokyo 5 fucking duffel bag
That's the shit
They've given me some free stuff before this time I actually paid for which I don't mind
I mean I don't mind. I mean, I am fucking promoting it,
but I wouldn't mind being sponsored
by a fucking beautiful company like that.
My favorite hoodie in the world.
Look at this fucking god damn well-made shit.
Fucking beautiful little zippy.
Even the fucking strings have little joppin'
signs on them.
String has it, they get the little fucking,
it's all well-made shit. I don't know what it is, but it's fucking the shit my favorite hoodie ever
but
So I want to thank those fucking guys, but we got UFC 127 with
Some of the fights that excite me first is
So a lot of us saw a lot of all of us fighting
Silver and it's a populace. Yeah, I mean
He I look I love jealous on man. Yeah, I fucking one of my favorite fighters
Really not just for me is from bean town my hometown, but
Fucking George last time when they fought he looked so much bigger than fucking Joe. Yeah, I don't know man
It was a fucking it was a great fight, but fucking George is a is a fucking animal man
He that his jiu jitsu was crazy and was it was yeah, he's a welterweight or lightweight. He is
Actually, he's a he's a welterweight right no, he's a lightweight. He's a big lightweight
Yeah, cuz he was at one
Well to wait right no is a lightweight. He's a big lightweight. Yeah, isn't it lightweight? Yeah, cuz he was at one
Jealous on the light one. He's 155 right? Jesus. Yeah, yeah, so yeah, he's
He's big man. He's big. He's got that fucking barrel chest to just that you know
He's never gonna have a you know, it doesn't have the perfect MMA body
Yeah, he's like his ribcage is sticking out like the original Superman
You know like Mexican fighters can't get apps but uh-huh yeah he's up he's uh pretty bad at Mother
Fucker man yeah yeah I remember it from the ultimate fighter yeah he was he was
great on that but he's really stepping up yeah a lot of people they get out
and it just becomes a cruise pool and they become monsters yeah he's he's he's
he's the next motherfucker.
So is this if he beats will he go with Frankie Egger?
I don't know.
I would imagine.
They go with Frankie Egger.
No, Frankie Egger's got to fight a first fight.
Great man.
But then he's also supposed to whoever wins that one is supposed to fight the dude from
who did the kick off the cage.
Oh, yeah.
What's that dude's name?
Who is it? W.E.C.? Yeah, who is that I know some spec but here's my
Jesus Christ I'm kidding. I'm kidding
We can say that because we have brown hair
You say it's fucking racist
Nobody wants to hear a ginger racist
Did you say we yeah, you're you're you get brown here? I mean look what I'm on he said that early look like I have brown here
I just shave it. Oh, okay, okay, so I'm gonna see my kids
You want to reenact your fucking mom's thing?
I can show you my
Fucking rest your face on my talk like good the good old days
You know, I think I think I mean George I just I'm excited to see what he's gonna do
He's if he can keep up his pace. He's he's going through everybody. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, if he can fucking what is he?
He's an undefeated is he?
I think he might be yeah, he fucking might be let me out of you as profile right now
And that other guy see see see ver silver silver isn't, silver? Silver? Isn't it silver or something? Dennis, see? Hang on a second. 14, 2 and 0.
Yeah.
14, 2 and 0.
What the fuck, man?
Yeah, he's a pretty bad-ass motherfucker, dude.
And what he did to Jell-O-Zone last time.
See, I'd love to see fuck.
I can't wait to Jell-O-Zone's a young guy.
And he looks so much smaller than fucking George.
Would you like 23 or something?
Yeah, he's a bad-ass mother fucker though.
I guarantee he's gonna be fucking champion someday.
I fucking guarantee, better be.
Cause I've said that before.
And that's what I feel like.
So what's his name?
Dennis Sever?
Sever?
Is that something Sever?
He dodged or something like that?
Yeah, you know what?
It's so weird.
I don't fucking know dude.
I don't know too much about him.
That's a problem that you have seen.
They keep bringing in new people because if you're
you lose three, you're out.
Well, let's put it this way too. We're all, we're not experts in the fucking MMA world.
We know, we were fans talking about MMA. We're not fucking experts in the field. We don't
do this for a living. If we did this for a living, we know fucking the ins and outs
of every goddamn fighter. We're pretty much fucking three jack offs who
Once in a while
By the UFC event and then the other time we go on the internet and we know the popular people
I know popular people you know the people with websites. Yeah, it says up
These are punches and takedowns and he's Russian so
Yeah, which is a problem. It's always a fucking problem when you're fighting a Russian
You know what I mean, but they get nothing to lose that I a fucking problem when you fight in a Russian. Yeah, you know what I mean
But then nothing to lose that I just I'm telling you right now George is gonna fucking yeah
He's gonna win. He's gonna fucking plow right through him and then
This is another Michael
Bizzving fighting Rivera who is actually
Who gives a fuck about Michael Bizzving at this point? You know what I mean? Like he's never gonna be a champion
Do you think I think he is a young guy man. He's not old. He's not old. But what way to the end of his career?
He's 185. So he's middleweight. Yeah, he's an Anderson silvers way class. Yeah, well he's not going
to be a champion while Anderson's in the way, but I think, you know, we'll see what happens with
George Sampiero and that fight goes down. Yeah. You know, because a mad George Sampiero fight and
fucking Michael Bisming, I don't know.
I don't know.
I mean, he might not be a fucking champion,
but this fight is still gonna be a,
I'll tell you why this fight's gonna be a bad ass fucking fight.
These guys got bad blood.
River, he's been talking a lot of shit.
Guess he wanted to apologize in two Bissping.
Really?
Yeah, he's talking so much shit.
And then he's from the, he's from the ultimate fight of two.
Yeah, yeah. This River, so. How much is that of that shit talking then he's from the he's from the ultimate fighter to this. Yeah, yeah, this Rivera
So how much is that of that shit talking? He's just like them look like listen
No one gives a shit about your fight. We got to promote this UFC event. I don't think it's a lot, man. I think that I
Think this guy really just doesn't you know, he's in the limelight for the first time
He's on the tear he's's been kicking ass, and he's
fighting bizz-bing who's usually the
shit talker. And he just fucking got a
little carried away trying to pump
himself up for this fight. And bizz-bing
at the press conference the other day
was like, you get it back, the shit up
now I'm on the fucker. He was in his
face. Now you get to fucking back it
up. And these guys are both pissed.
Yeah. I think Rivera's got something
to prove. And I think so does b think Rivera's got something to prove and I think
so does BizzBang have something to prove. And now, you know, there's some shit talking in there
where it's like fuck you, they don't like each other. That's going to be an exciting fight.
Because BizzBang usually takes apart people, you know, fucking boxing, wrestling, comes up with a
game plan and sticks to it. You know, I'd love to see a fucking brawl
Yeah, a fucking brawl. I mean, I'd love to see Bizzmann get his fucking chin knock that like Hendo did too
You know, but it be I like both of these guys
But if Bizzmann fucking knocks him the fuck out. Yeah to prove a point that be pretty bad as fight
Yeah, you know, I mean I feel like a lot of these UFC fights is like a lot of these people come up
and they got all this fucking heat behind them,
like check Congo and all these people.
It's like they're actors.
Like at one point, people thought Steve and Baldwin
was talented.
And now he's only doing films in Canada
that go straight to fucking DVD.
You know what I mean?
So a lot of these people are just kind of like,
they're never gonna be contenders.
They're never gonna be a fucking factor
in the UFC really.
Right.
But they, they're around for reasons that, like I don't think Michael Bisming is really around
Sean Penn can say that about us
Good point. I think Dana White keeps a bisming around though because he has so much heat in England
Yeah, he's huge in England and because he wants to do you know events over there like he's got a hold on to that name
Yeah, yeah, you can fill the arenas. That's like Dan Hardy. I mean they got to have these fucking
Yeah, yeah, it's like force Griffin people love force Griffin so he keeps getting fights
But at the end of the day he's kind of like he's not really contender anymore. Yeah, I mean look
But these guys do put on I mean you forget about okay, there is the belt
But these guys put on great fights. Yeah, there's been put on some great fights like he's not gonna be like a champion
But everyone likes watching it. Yeah, I mean, it's not all about getting the belt. It's about these
guys are fucking great fighters. It's not about like even comedy, dude. It's not about being
the next-day cook or the next fucking Larry the cable guy selling out arenas, but you know,
I mean, there's a lot of funny motherfuckers that are out there at comedy clubs that you go and
you're fucking with a holy shit. That was insanely funny. I mean, you know a lot of funny motherfuckers that are out there at comedy clubs that you go and you're fucking with a holy shit
That was insanely funny. I mean, you know, given the right break and the right chance any I think any of these guys could fucking
You know be a champion. I mean, it just matters how the fuck you get there how the cards fall who you have to fight to get there
I mean some of these guys fought some you know to get to the championship
You know, maybe the cards fell right for them.
Maybe you never know. That's the great part about this fucking MMA.
Yeah, yeah.
You never know. I mean, look at Frankie Agger, dude. You really think he was gonna be fucking
BJ Penn?
No way.
Twice. That's fucking crazy.
And that was telling Robert that Frank Agger does take the same class with John Donner
at Hands of Gracey.
And every time I see him, I'm always just like, what if I just wanted to kick him in the face?
Like just because he's a little and I just look at him.
I can't believe that he's a super human.
And I'm a piece of shit.
Yeah.
He'd fucking kill him.
He'd demolish me and it makes me fucking pissed at God because why is this guy have that?
But he's a little dude.
You know what I mean?
But you can have that too, Bill.
We could all have that if we spent the last fucking 15 years
being in sports, instead of chasing fucking, you know,
dreams of being a comic and telling dick jokes
we're living at the point.
You know what I mean?
And we spent the last 10 years just at the gym
learning everything, it would be fucking superhuman too.
You think so?
Yeah, fuck yeah, dude.
This isn't, I mean, you have to have that fighting instinct, which he has.
Be able to knock somebody to the fuck out and hurt somebody and not be personal about
it.
But, you know, yeah, I'm so fucking literally.
This is what these guys do.
You're taking a class every fucking Wednesday, a Thursday, just to keep in shape and to know
Jiu-Jitsu.
This guy's in the gym.
You ever hear the training regimen.
See, this guy did wake up, eat, gym, eat, gym, eat, eat again.
Fuck house, mom.
Fuck miles down.
But then you got, now we got BJ Penn versus Fitch,
which 170 man,J is at 170.
Mm-hmm.
Chubby BJ.
Yeah, he's back to Chubby BJ.
No abs.
No abs.
It's got an ab.
Well, you know, it's almost when he cut down and went with Mark Morenevich and really got
shredded and trained at 155.
He was unstoppable.
He was unstoppable.
He was insane.
But then he stopped using Mark and that's when he fought Edgar and and look what happened
Yeah, even his pre show he goes he goes look man
He goes everyone will say that John Fish is going to grind me down
But he has to get past the first round which is him basically admitting it was like I'm a fat fuck
I'm not gonna go past the first round. Yeah, and I'm gonna try to not come out
Yes, he knows that he won't be able to last Three rounds with trying to tap him on a knock him out, but the funny thing is is that he can't
Yeah, that's the one thing about BJ is that he could knock somebody the fuck out
Yeah, and he can tap somebody anybody the fuck out at any time
Yeah, and if he does get gas that's his problem before as you got gased and he'd fuck he should have beat fucking
St. Pierre before he should have beat fucking
What's his name fuck Matt Hughes, he beat him last time but the time before that he got fucking beat
he gas the fuck out you know I guarantee if fucking he j came in and with any of those
guys in shape with with the gas yeah Yeah, yeah, you fucking beat anybody where no one's lubed up with
Vaseline, that's like his problem. There'll always be a problem. He's lazy. He gets lazy
He's a Hawaiian and he likes being lazy. Yeah, he just sits out there and like
He's weird and serves and eats papaya while I always say that if you see him training like an animal before a fight
He's gonna win. Yeah, if you see him underwater carrying a boulder for 20 feet in a Hawaiian lagoon, it's up in the air.
You know what I mean?
If you see him jumping off a rock and gathering abalone is really quick as training techniques.
Did you see the video him where he's waiting or he's in the pool and he launches out of the pool?
Yeah, that's when he was a motherfucker. Right. Right. That's right.
If you're trying to do that, right? But then he wanders over and then sits in a jacuzzi.
Yeah, but he was the next brother video he goes to. Yeah, but that's two hours.
He was training with mom of a renovate on that one and that's when he was a fucking animal.
Yeah. I mean, he fucking put him through the, he was bouncing on a tennis ball and throwing punches.
And that was some crazy karate kid shit that he was jumping out of a pool fuck you. That's crazy
You know, but then you cut to his next fight with Frankie Agger
Yeah, and he's you know, he's fun to flower in his hair
Picking up rocks and running on a pizza flip flops
It's like a boy
But how do you keep the fire to I mean, he's been the champion.
What makes him want to like, he's like, OK, I did it.
Now, what now?
You know what I mean?
Like, what the fuck do you think?
Well, now, I think now it's the fans.
I think it's now in fighting.
That's why he's like, fuck it.
I'm going to have fun.
It's not about fucking hating somebody
and getting revved up and really just going to have fun
my life.
He's probably, he's comes from money.
He's not a poor guy.
It's a family's from money. And, you know, he's one of the life. He's probably, he's comes from money, he's not a poor guy. Yes, sure.
Family's from money.
And you know, he's one of the best.
He's already got a legacy.
He can't take that away from him.
And now he's just fighting to fight and have fun
and fucking win.
And that might be the mentality.
You forget that this fucking, it's gotta be a lot of mental.
Jesus.
Yeah, I mean fighting is
Mental so if you go away if you do something that works. It's gonna have fun I want to love the fans. I just want to fun
You're going to beat the shit out of somebody even train that much that's your new thing
Mm-hmm until you get your fucking ass handed to you. Yeah, and then you roll with John Fitch and you're done
Yeah, John Fitch is a motherfucker a lot of people saying decision no three-round decision
Just go to the other things I'm grind just gonna grind him down and get points and fucking that's it. Yeah, what do you think?
I think I think BJ's gonna lose I think beat it's fat BJ BJ's doing interviews and fucking sweat shirts
Really? Yeah, he's and he's he's admitting goes oh no disrespect. He's not talking shit, right?
He's not he doesn't seem like he's at that training regime
I think he's at some point
I think people just reaching for the fucking paycheck
Yeah, it's like for Aniston Jennifer Aniston's like looking. I'm always gonna do shitty movies
I'm never gonna win a noscar. I might as well do the next Adam Sandland film like she's not gonna fucking
She just says shitty. Yeah, who gives it? She doesn't care anymore probably like well. I got to stay my lifestyle. Yeah
I think that she is gonna win.
Really?
Fitch is a monster.
I think realistically, I think it's gonna go to decision.
But I'm like I like BJ and everything, but I would really love to see BJ get knocked
out.
Really?
Yeah, it's not gonna be fun.
But I don't see Fitch, knock in someone else.
I see Fitch submitting someone.
I could see Fitch submitting.
I think he was TKOed by George St. Pierre,
I think, or Matt Hughes, one of them did.
Yeah, he got TKOed.
But I think that, you know,
if it's not hard, it is to knock out a Hawaiian.
Yeah, I mean, that's what I say.
I would love to see it.
But I think, but I think,
but I think fish could submit it.
I think BJ's, you know what I mean?
Well, he's a black belt now.
He's a black belt now. Fitch is a beast. No one has like a cardio that that guy has
He runs like 105% all three rounds. Okay. Okay, but you know what?
BJ pen I
think if it can
Fucking out box him
Okay, if he tries to take him down it might be a hassle, but you know what? BJ from his back is no joke. I mean he can suck his own fucking asshole
Really and there's a video of that too
But you've probably seen any of it like the Jitsu is irrelevant now
Yeah, but you really is really I think so I think Jiu Jitsu defense is not irrelevant
But Jiu Jitsu submission now is borderline irrelevant when it comes to the wrestlers that are coming up because look at George St. Pierre
BJ is the best jujitsu guy in MMA and he couldn't do shit because of the fucking
George St. Pierre is one of those fucking fucking go-go dancer shorts covered in fucking oil
Like what the fuck you gonna do with that? Yeah, well, I think I mean and don't forget that BJ brought in madhuse to train him
Really? Yeah BJ brought in madh to train him. Really? Yeah.
BJ brought in Mathews, brought him into Hawaii to fucking train with a wrestler, who's
probably as interesting, just as good as fucking as Fitch.
Sure.
You know, Mathews is no joke, so he brought him in to train with a wrestler.
So you know he's preparing for the fucking moves.
He's unbelievable fucking
Jiu-Jitsu is taking off.
Unbelievable boxing.
His boxing is fucking crazy off the charts.
The only thing is is his gas.
Yeah.
If he doesn't have the gas to go the three rounds.
And it's only three rounds.
It's not a five round fight.
It's only three.
It's not for, you know, it's not for,
it's not for anything.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
It's, it's, it's what I mean? I don't know.
I think BJ is gonna win.
I don't.
I call BJ.
I also think when rubber guard was getting big,
when Eddie Bravo and the rubber guard and all that shit,
people didn't know what rubber guard was.
So when they were trying to go go plot it,
people don't know the fuck was going on.
Now, rubber guard is easy to defend for these wrestlers.
They know, okay, you're gonna do the,
I'm gonna push this side. I feel like it's almost BJ's his
one gift is sort of irrelevant now I don't know I because I think that once once BJ
gets your back or once BJ gets you in a fucking position he locks that fucking triangle
on the midsection I have to buy a triangle and and then fucking starts on the midsection. I had the body of triangle. And then fucking starts punching the Saudi face.
I mean, you're literally fighting for your life
at that point.
So I don't know.
And his boxing is fucking great.
So I think it's going to be a great fight.
And the one thing, BJ doesn't win or lose.
That they're really not bad fights.
Exactly.
I mean, Frankie Edgar fights weren't as exhilarating.
But that was Frankie Edgar,
really just outboxed him and fucking, you know, really getting the fuck out of the way
at BJ. You know, I think it's going to be a great fight, but I think BJ comes out on top.
What are the odds? What are they saying? I don't know what the odds are, but it's everybody's
picking John to win by decision. And then a decision and then he's gonna go fight
Pierre again, then he's gonna
No, he's not fuck peers fighting silver next, but you know, he knows here's fighting. What's his name next?
He's fighting J. Hills. I'm getting carried away fight shields. What you got to win. Yeah, let's be honest
He's got to do J. Hills is sick
Like his jujitsu's he's not gonna be he's there's no way he's gonna be droid samper here
There's no way he's coming from strike force. Yeah, what he didn't he go all fucking five rounds with fucking Hendo
I don't know. Yeah, I mean what's he gonna do?
He's gonna George St. Pierce on another level
He's gonna go through him and then he's gonna fight fucking Anderson. So that definitely happened
That's what's gonna happen if you had to either what they do. You, he's J St. Pierre is going up 185 and stay in there
So that means 170 is gonna be wide open for BJ pen. That's cool. So if BJ pen wins this fight
I'm telling you he's gonna what you don't think something is gonna. How does BJ right now? It's 30
thousand years old
I don't think I don't think so. It's not that old. That's another thing is like what happens to these fighters like I remember when Hanzo fought Matt
He was I was like oh
Hanzo your legend. Yeah, is that just going for a page?
I he's not going to procure his legacy by fighting
It's still great to see these guys fight. I mean the like I said, it's not all about the championship
It's about the fight. It's about the matchup
You know and back in the day that was great about the UFC. It was about the matchup. It wasn't about the matchup, you know, and back in the day, that was great about the UFC, it was about the matchup,
it wasn't about the belts, it was about that,
everybody fighting everybody.
They should have like a senior,
they should be like a senior tour, like with a PGA, PGA.
Right, I have fucking like these old Fox fights each other.
People wouldn't like that, people like to see all the legends,
like, take Abbott, take it,
and fight like a,
fucking 30 second fight, because it's all you can go.
One round, yeah,
tangs only good if he has a beer bottle it broken in one hand
Fucking defending out the white race
But that's cross burning in the middle. All right. Well, well, that's about it, dude. That's a pretty fucking long podcast
I
Can't get the I can't get I don't know what your mother looks like, but I know what she looks like
I'll show you a picture. Please, please do.
That'll bring your family to the sleaze to.
So thanks coming over and doing this we got the fights this weekend.
UFC 127, pen versus fish in Australia.
And I want to thank you know fucking Tokyo five for hook him up with a good deal.
Get to get some of those clothes
You gotta get some of that shit dude and I want to thank your mom for being a fucking slut
I'll pass the word on right actually right now and
That's it so you can go to
Buildaws.com
Please do please guys. Just go to Lombardi. See Lombardi on Broadway. I just, you're...
You should see it, too.
I know.
I gotta fucking go see that.
I really gotta go.
I'm really dying to go see that.
Yeah, Lombardi on Broadway, at what theater is it at?
Circle in the square.
Circle in the square.
I definitely go check it out.
And Kyle Finchem is a comedian and he's going to be in New
York City. That's it. If you go to a bar one night he might be there. He's going to be
at a Hala Hala showcase. What is a Hala Hala? It's a gay black man's industry showcase at Times Square comedy club.
Are you gay? No, okay
Your mom turned you gay and you're gonna be a Dominix
Dominie who like?
Who is that? Domino's pizza. Jesus Christ. Oh, how long have you been doing comedy? Seven years. Jesus Christ
All right, so go to Kyle Finchman, Finchham, comedian.com, I guess, whatever.
And all those shits up there.
And you know my shit, Robert Kelly live, all that shit.
Next few weeks, I got some big ass fucking exciting news, gonna be dropping down on the podcast.
Some really good stuff.
Can't talk about it right now. But as soon as I can, I will. That's fucking exciting news, gonna be dropping down on the podcast. Some really good stuff.
Can't talk about it right now, but as soon as I can, I will.
You guys will be the first to know.
Again, this is podcast done on my iPhone.
Pretty fucking bullshit.
But what are you gonna do?
What were you doing?
Fucking driving in a car, going to work, fucking sitting home home alone sitting in traffic. What else did you have to do?
At least now you can think about Kyle's mom. Yeah, you can think about you know that
There's a woman out there that loves Kyle and fucking scars Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca.
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