Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Moose Law | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #36 

Episode Date: April 30, 2025

Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder discuss a wedding they couldn’t talk about, strippers and sales, the Wolf of Wall Street, Bill Belichick and Jordon Hudson, if Bobby is actually going to make the show, Luis fighting Michael Rapaport, and more! Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz/id1700969607  SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/  Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez  Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedyhttps://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/  Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/  SPONSORS  Cornbread Hemp Get 30% off your first order w/ code "REGZ" MANDO Get 40% off your starter pack with code “REGZ” MAGIC MIND Get 50% off your subscription at magicmind.com/regz  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the regs. I am the Porter and Rattlesnake Louis J. Gomez. Here, oh, Bobby, we need Bobby. A-B-I-O-U. It's just the three of us. The truth, Joe List is here. Bobby will be back at some point. We haven't spoken to him. We spoke, I spoke to him that day, he was very salty. Monster voice Dan Soda's here. I'm the dude. I'm the dude. I'm the fucking dude. Where's my brownie?

I thought I was getting a brownie. Damn dude, this does feel weird. You know what? You were, Lewis thinks Bobby's behind the door hiding. I think he's still mad. But also, I just realized, I am just a guy. Oh! I was gonna say.

Danny's shutting everyone up. Why are there bites? Even though he works for Bobby. Bobby had it first. I can't hide behind the store forever. Let me get a couple of nibbles, dude. It's like my son bit the sides of this. What do you have to do?

Is that the size of your mouth? It's the size of your mouth, Joe. No, that's gonna be. You blacked out and you started biting your. Did I bite this already? Have I had brownie? This is furious. I want you to I had brownie?

I want you to do another brownie run. Danny, that's crazy. Who bit your brownie? It must have been my son. Look at the size of this mouth. That's insane. Is that Danny's? Danny, is your mouth that small? Who bit the brownie? I got a little hungry. I hate you. What is happening today? I don't know, dude.

Yeah! Fun pranks. That was a bit brownie pranks all over That's good. Good one a bit brownie brownie bit brownie bit brownie bit the bit brownie bit bit brownie bit We missed you last night. Yeah, I know to talk about it on the podcast. We're not allowed to know He's a fucking asshole. What a jerk off friend friend got married and we're not a lot of time I feel I felt bad dude. I got home I was I've been sick the whole fucking weekend just a cold it started off with a sore throat on Thursday Then Friday woke up my entire throat was on fire My mouth was all sickly and fucked up breathe at me all dude all go on the road hammer and fucking date

Well all day all night my shows were fucking you know They got better through progressive through the weekend And then when I came home yesterday, you just was a six-hour flight. I just felt like death just like death That helps I Could do the same thing have to fly to fucking Spokane this weekend So don't get me sick. I didn't want to get sick and then have it I also felt bad. I don't want to go to a wedding and then get everyone sick Yeah, I can well let me tell you right I have a flight of smoke and it's beautiful

and I'm gonna make a ton of money. Oh. No, not really, I might get Lewis'd. Um. Uh. I will tell you, Joe List is consistently an MVP of any wedding he goes to. Oh yeah.

Were you dancing yesterday? I danced my ass off. And I dressed real s. What was your gift? What'd you give him? There was no gifts. No gifts? No gifts.

I was just gonna send a gift now. In the invitation. It is awkward when friends who are successful get mad and then you're like, here's $300. Well, I would give him more. We're all successful at this point. That's what you give like, that's baseline back in the day. I did it like a joke, question mark, $300?

Like what about? Can I? Cheap fuck. I'm trying to bump it as much as I can. No matter what it is, it's weird. More is even weirder. No, $1,000 I think today is standard for guys that are at our level.

I would never give someone $1,000 for a wedding. That's ridiculous. Really? Damn. I feel like that's the price we should give to a friend who's also somewhat successful. Joe might as well invite to my wedding. You want me to give you $1,000?

I want three ahead. I'm a child. Like us, we should give more. We're all really close. If fucking Danny Braff was getting married, maybe I'd give him 305 bucks. First off, I want to talk to that woman's family. Yeah, make sure she's okay.

I'm like, first of all, is it citizenship? Danny, do you have a girlfriend? No. Trex. I bet Danny would make a loving husband. Would he? I gave Colin Quinn $300 for his wedding. That's insane.

He goes, I don't know, Joe List isn't really in my favor anymore. $300? I had to go get a suit and get a baby suit. Gary Veeder, I gave him $300. I was the best man. Speaking of which. But then Gary Veeder hit me $300 I was the best man but then Gary Vitor hit me up like month later he was like hey dude you know my wife told me just like mention this he was like you know we never got a gift from you for the wedding and I was like we

definitely gave a gift I was with it was with Beatrice I brought Beatrice to the wedding I was like we definitely gave a gift and then the more I think about it I was like maybe we didn't that's funny to push back on something you absolutely didn't do maybe I should I send Gary Vitor $300 right now and Apple pay a thousand what are you talking about now That's funny to push back on something you absolutely didn't do. Maybe I should, I said Gary Vitor $300 right now and Apple pay. What are you talking about? Now this is for retroactively giving you dude, you got so much. I don't have to go through them anymore. I know. Well, we were bringing that up. We talked about that last night about how you gave the worst speech we've ever heard in our life. And then also, that comes up in every wedding now. You were his best man,

and you have never invited him to a Skankfest. That's not true. Gary Veeder's never been invited to Skankfest? Never. That's what Gary said. I said, how come you never do Skankfest? And if I had known, I would have brought it up. My joke was, as we were saying it,

I go, and then Gary's never even been to Skankfest. And Gary goes, I've never even been invited. Send Gary Veeder an invite to Skankfest. I said to Gary, I go, what's going on? How come you're never at Skankfest? We miss you, buddy. You should be there all over. I'm inviting him right now.

I don't book it. Rebecca books it. I'm just reminding him that my brother Gary's forgettable. Whoa, whoa. Forgot his gift at the wedding, forget about Skankfest. He goes, I would go to Skankfest, but I've never been invited.

It reminded me, do we ever tell you this story? Classic Tom Dustin story? And I'm not just saying that because the movie's playing in theaters. Woo, go check it out. I posted, did you post? I appreciate it. Oh, they posted, baby.

So this is like 20 years ago. We did a comedy pilgrimage. Me, Tom Dustin, our friend Mike Tarrazano, and E.J. Murphy. You know, E.J. Murphy. Shout out, E.J. We were fucking drunk maniacs. We went to a taping. I do comedy Indian edges.

Get the fuck out of here, Montana. Get the fuck out of here. You don't get it, what? Fucking there. Pilgrimage, Pilgrims and Indians. Oh, Pilgrimage. Pilgrims. I think it was Cowboys and Indians.

Pilgrims. Oh, the Pilgrims and Indians, I guess. Yeah, they had a little thing, right? Yeah, it was Thanksgiving. Yeah, that Thanksgiving, yeah. Thanksgiving, dude. Dude! May I? I feel like Nicholson.

May I? You mind if I tell a story? So we wrote out, we had Pilgrimage, Indian-age, whatever the fuck, and we were going to, what was the Collins Show? Tough Crowd. Tough Crowd. We went to a Tough Crowd screening, and then we saw Stan Hope at Stress Factory. Awesome. And then we went to a seller show.

What a night. So back then, this was over two nights, but yeah, it was awesome. And then we gathered the money at the seller, you know, they give you the bill at the end of the night, tickets, and it was like, whatever, 180 bucks. We drank plus the whatever, the cover. And so we collected all the money,

everybody put the money in, and we thought we paid. So then we were leaving and I think it was like Val or whoever was like, Hey, where's your ticket? No, Val wasn't Val was in there. Val was at Eastville. Well, whoever it was, no, no, Val was at the laugh lounge. She was like, friends with that chick. That's where I met Val. Then she did a book with the seller. Oh shit. Well, this is like 2002. So I don't know who worked there, but they go, yeah, you need your ticket. You didn't pay. And Tom goes, fuck you, I'm not paying twice.

And we're like in a blackout. And I remember Jim Norton was like on stage, or nearby, and there's four of us, we're all shit house. And I'm like 20 years old, or 21, and he goes, yeah, no, no, we paid. And they're like, you didn't pay, you didn't fucking pay, you need to pay, we're gonna call the police. And it went on and like escalated literally to them,

like we're gonna call the cops. And I'm just like staggering staggering and Tom just kept going I ain't paying twice fuck you we're comedians from no no and I wasn't even like worried like oh we're banned of the cell because I was so fucked up and it went on for like 20 minutes literally they're yelling at us a security came we're all the hallway biggest blackest security it. Early 2000s, they had a front line. And so then we started turning on Tom, we're like, we gave you the money, where's the fucking money?

Where's the money, Lebowski? Yeah. And I'm like, I don't have any more money. Finally our friend, Tarzano, who is a non-comic, the most mature, gave his card and he was like, fuck it, here you go. And Tom's like, no, don't fucking pay him twice. Don't play this black piece of shit. He's like, no racist.

You'll never fucking be here again. It't play this black piece of shit. He's like, no racist. You'll never fucking be here again. It was like a brouhaha melee. We go back to the hotel. We're like, that was crazy. What the fuck kind of business is that? Tom takes his pants off. There's the exactly $188 cash in his pocket.

So we gave him the money, and then he just never, he thought he left it on the table. What a fucking, did he think you, did your Bobby laugh? That wasn't Bobby. Bobby wouldn't laugh like that. That was Paco. Where is Bobby? That was, I just, I just texted, I just texted that was a hundred percent Bobby. Bobby just in the fucking room. Don't look, maybe in the room, don't look, but he wouldn't belly laugh at that story. That's the only way Bobbin does that a laugh. You think he has a strong chest laugh? Something is up there. I do feel like something's up there.

Go check, dude. No, because then it's a trick on me. Dean said go check and the baby goes. I'll let him sit there the whole show. He's just in a moose suit holding it. God, I gotta wait for that song to play. He would have taken a call. All I gotta do is hit that fucking, all I gotta do is for that song to play. He would have taken a call. I do Fucking all I gotta do is hit that mini tramp

Did I remember I had a joke about this in my act back in the day that I forgot about I forgot about this Joe hit it. Yeah, I guarantee Danny's gonna think it's an old But one time I went to a deli it was here in the West Village I went to this deli and I fucking Bobby deli I got it. I went to this deli, and I fucking... Bobby deli? I got a sandwich, and the fucking, you know, the guy goes, the guy goes, you gotta...

How much would you like for it? No, I go to take the sandwich I paid for, I go to take it, and he's like, you have to pay for the sandwich. I was like, I already gave you the money for the sandwich. Are you out of your fucking mind? I gave you the money. He's like, no you didn't.

And we start arguing back and forth. It escalates, it's a straight up Lewis incident. Like it escalates to the point where I start taking candy off of the fucking counter and throwing it at him. Dude, I mean a full fledged like. You guys are having a flirty food fight? Dude, we're having a food fight. It got fucking, dude, it was insane.

And then I left with the sandwiches, like that's right motherfucker. Like literally I'm tearing shit off the shelf. I walk aside aside sure enough, $20 bill right in my pocket. Because they're so skittles are everywhere. Why did you throw skittles? They are the hardest to find. Oh, no, I was in that's not what we do here. Where's Bob? Is Bobby here? Seriously? I Bobby, he's not in this room right

now. I don't know. I texted him. I don't know. We. He's not in this room right now. I don't know. I texted him. I don't know. We know he's not in this room. We think he's in that room over there. He's not in that technicality fucking asshole piece of shit. He's just up there. Don't move Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Bobby Kelly the fucking room. Let's go. The gig is up. The jig is up. Bring in the moose. Whoa, easy. It is the jig, but I, is that a racist term? Yes. No, the jig is a dance. Oh yeah. That's true. If you do it, you're a jigger. You dance. We really

did miss you even though we're not allowed to say who got married. We really missed you. The other boys were there. Yeah, I know. Everybody was there. I know I wanted, I really wanted to come, but I was like, dude, I'm gonna fucking go and just get everyone sick. It was low energy. It was also a very athletic wedding. Really, what do you mean? Well, there was not a lot of chairs,

there was a ton of dancing. Joe was killing it. I did the, I was doing this shit. Oh, hold on. He gave it away, who's wedding it is. Shut up, shut up, shut up, dude. Well, we have a lot of Jewish men. He stepped on a glass.

He fucking. Lot of Jews in our life. God damn it, dude. Sal's speech, which is very funny. I mean, that's narrowing it down more than mine. But not. I think so. But old Jews did not like Sal's speech.

Well, really, why? They were like, because he was getting dirty. And they were like, no. It was fun. It was very fun. It does suck. I forgot that he told us we can't talk about it. Damn it.

I'm bummed that I wasn't there. It sounds like really fun. Yeah. It was good. It was very fun. It does suck. I forgot that he told us we can't talk about it I'm bummed that I'm bummed that I wasn't there. It sounds like really fun. Yeah, it was good It's good. Would you guys wear apparently he won't ever wear silly dress incredibly. I just wore a suit I stole the show just like a fucking lawyer. I Went to a I did I wore the same thing. I wore to Vecchione's wedding I spent $120 at a vintage store was the best What about my life talk about that other vintage store you went to that you're talking about. I went to, so I went to a store called Goes Around Comes Around. It's like a chain. There's a few of them. It's in Soho.

Why do you keep looking over there? Because I think Bobby might enter. But it's like a fancy, it was in Soho. I rode a bike up there because I read the invitation. I was like, oh, I can't show up. Said dress silly, right? I literally was like, I can't dress in a regular suit. I look like a fucking idiot. I dressed in a regular and that's what did when asshole who was best dressed Joe

Easily Joe. No, no, no, I think I'm with the kilt this person's sibling had a great. Oh, yeah A bunch of people look great. But anyways, I went I rode a bike to the place and I didn't know I'm I mean I don't know anything about anything I just wrote fucking thrift and I went there and it was like a the place, and I didn't know, I don't know anything about anything, I just wrote fucking thrift, and I went there, and it was like a black guy in a suit with a headset who unlocks the door and opens it for you. That's so funny, he's walked in on speaker phone

and blew the asshole. On speaker phone and blew the fucking guy. I can't wait to tell Bobby. What a dumbass Danny is. Danny. I can't not wait to tell Bobby. Fucking dumbass. I can't wait, by the way, I just can't wait to tell Bobby

that Danny had it on he just fucked up He just fucked up. It's so embarrassing. So I mean we know Bobby's here too because his coffee his coffee's here. We know what a coffee order out I know and this is missing from what is he Santa? He also texted the group back saying that he wanted a coffee whole thing. I didn't think about that. Group coffee. So yeah, give me an iced with two sugars. Oh shit. Did I forget? I'm trying to surprise him. Nevermind. Oh shit. Is this going to the two? Oh fuck. Are you guys mad? I also

was hanging out with Bobby at 12 15 this morning. Yeah, you stayed late. No, I made up to 12 15. That just seemed like a more comedic. There's there's fits in today, right? We left at 10 15. Oh yeah, that was a big day. Yeah, I would have done that15. That just seemed like a more comedic thing. There's spitsing today, right? We left at 1015. Oh yeah, that was a big day. Yeah, I would have done that. I could fucking use a spits right now. Get this congestion out of my body.

I went to, I went to fucking Tijuana. Yeah, Tijuana. Tijuana! Hot dog, China! You went to China? Tijuana, China. I actually went to a place called Hong Kong's in Tijuana. Really? Which is like a big strip club whorehouse. No kidding. Oh yeah. I went to place called Mexico's in Beijing. But I was too... folks. Did you get a hook? No, but I

wanted to. Were they hot? They were pretty hot. They varied from being like, I would say, yes, they were all hot. Here's the thing, it's not a regular trip. Why are you saying it like you're friends with them? I don't wanna be here. I don't wanna hurt their feelings. You're sitting around a little warm radio. Da da da da da da da.

There's chickens everywhere. I hope I wonder if Bobby's hiding in the bedroom. Los regs. What's moose in Spanish? Musalito. No, it was, it looks like a strip club you go in, but it's a whorehouse. It's a straight up like you could, there's a hotel directly upstairs from the fucking place

and they're all just like, I would say it's one to one strippers to men in the place and it's packed. Like it's packed. So there's just girls walking around in thongs. They're dildoing each other on like a stage. Like it's fucking, yeah. I would like to hang out. She's getting dildoed. Can we hang out when you it's fucking yeah, I would like to hang out. She's getting dildoed

Yeah, it's it was pretty aggressive I was just sick so I just wasn't in the mood to like party I was taking like shots of tequila. I drank my buddy. My buddy James Mecham is getting divorced sure so I invited him for the weekend. I was like dude come to San Diego. We'll go to Tijuana We'll go to a fucking strip club. Well, if I have a crazy weekend, then I was just for the weekend. I was like, dude, come to San Diego. We'll go to Tijuana. We'll go to a fucking strip club. We'll have a crazy weekend. Then I was just sick the whole time. So I was just kind of fucking feigning fun. So yeah, you're at a whore house and you just want like sick attention.

You just want soup in a blanket around you. Just a lady in a thong putting a blanket on you. Here's some black bean soup, senor. You want me to put on Milo and Otis? You can lay on the couch. Did you feel unsafe at all in Tijuana? I'd never been to Tijuana. So you used to go to my loan orders. You can lay on the couch. Did you feel unsafe at all in Tijuana? I've never been to Tijuana. So you know, I used to go to Nogales.

You, oh, easy. Nogales is chill, dude. That's scary. That's the N word in Spanish. No. Is that right? No. Negros. Negros, oh, negro. Okay.

Yeah, back to my question, please. Let's grow up. So we walked across. We walked across. These fans ended up driving us from the comedy club. Very different personalities. Yeah. Did you have me being like, you guys like me? Take me to Mexico! Ellie, shout out Ellie Stockholm, who's like a porn chick.

Oh, hell yeah. And her and her husband are like huge fans, they come to Skankfest every year. Pull up Ellie Stockholm, you want wanna see her big fat beautiful ass? Stockholm syndrome. Dude. Hello. How's that not the name of one of her porn? It probably is. Let's see it.

Let's see, pull up Ellie Stockholm. Let's bring up that butt. She's like, she's the thick, she's the thick, at some point tattooed, like OnlyFans fucking chick. She's hot though, very hot. Did they know where to go? Yeah, they were like, they were like, we go to T1 all the time. She was like, I got the vibe that she's worked in T1. Let me call my boss.

Tia, Tia, Tia, Tia wanna dance. Did you pull that up? How easy was it to get back across the border? So we drove and parked in a parking lot. I'm surprised you're not in El Salvador. I know, it's kind of risky for you these days. You look like a guy, Joe and I could walk through, fucking high five the US border guard.

I don't know, my glasses might keep me out. They'd be like, no, no, no, no, no. We know who you voted for. You read. Apparently, well, people are like, dude, don't bring your watch, like leave most of your credit cards at home, like keep your cash in your sock, get your fillings out.

But I feel like I'm not the one. I don't want to fucking toot my own horn here, okay? in your sock. Get your fillings out. But I feel like I'm not the one. I don't wanna fuckin' toot my own horn here, okay? Fuck your law. Fuck your law. It's over. God! But I feel like people aren't gonna, they're not really going after,

I'm a foot taller than every Mexican in this place. Yeah, you're El Gigante. Yeah, dude. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I heard stories of this man coming from I'm just like I like I look like a dangerous Mexican like I like I have tattoos I would talk to you for a year you Joe. You're the guy who gets fucking robbed. Huh? You're the guy who gets robbed But I love her I've never been robbed. She says she loves me. They think I am a polo SIA No, no polo Sia. Yeah. They go, no, no, no, Polo Sia for sure. So yeah, we walk across the border,

which is a whole, apparently if you leave after midnight, there's no line. But if you go at like 6 p.m., it's hours waiting at the border. Yeah. Right, so we went, we got people work. We got to the border at like 12.15, 12.30. And we walked straight in, pretty easy.

And we grabbed a cab directly from where we, you cross the border. They knew exactly where we wanted to go, we went to Hong Kong, and yeah, it was a big, crazy fucking. I bet that is very important for their business, that people can just go to the border and take a cab to the whorehouse comfortably. Is it legal? Like, the people that run the whorehouse

are probably like, ran by the cartels. Yeah. Like, they probably have protection from the cartels. Oh, for sure, yeah, definitely. Cause they're like, that makes us money. But they probably have protection for the cartels. Oh, for sure, yeah, definitely. Because they're like, that makes us money. But they had it slick, like these, you know, the girls would come up to you

and they'd be like, oh, you wanna buy me a drink, mister? And then you'd sit down, they'd sit on your lap and you'd buy them fucking drinks. But they have a little punch card because they're getting money for the drinks that they get you to buy. It's a whole system. But I kind of appreciated it.

As like a sales guy, I was like, oh, this is pretty fucking sick. Hey, you guys have a good first approach. What's your guys' first two lines? Do you... I see yours in my pussy. That's a pretty good line. Where did you train? You're just asking where they train. I'm giving them a fucking Glen Gary Glen Ross speech.

All right, now bring it up. Now, first approach. A white guy. Consuela, sell me this pen. Sell me La Pluma. She goes, no, no pen. I have a pen. She shoved it.

She was just nervous. Only pen. You buy La Pluma? Oh, you go, yes, yes I do. Does it have your essence on it? My wife has been taking Magic Mind. I'm nervous. Anything that says magic in it, I get nervous.

You don't like the dark arts. No, it's not the dark arts. I'm worried that it's weed. Everything's got weed. But this isn't weed. This is sharper mind, lower stress, calm energy, magic mind. And I've noticed my wife a bit calmer.

Usually she's smashing plates and hitting me with glasses. She is just a tornado. Yeah. Reclaim your brain. Yeah. This is what you need. I mean this is what Bobby took the other day right before the episode got awesome. I mean you guys remember that it just skyrocketed to another level but it's mental performance shot that pretty much makes anybody a better person. Try to take it every day and get on your A game. I've been popping them in every morning morning. I wake up we have them in the fridge. I like them cold. We wake up

It's easy. It's just one of those things you get in a good habit. I walk in unscrew it Gook like like semen throw it down the old gullet and I feel sharp I gotta tell you I'm sharp as a fucking tack right now. There it is So Joe's definitely recommended making magic mind a daily thing. If you know, it's a huge difference. There's also a 50% off discount on Magic Mind subscription. If you check out our description box, just head to magicmind.com slash regs with a Z. That's magicmind.com slash regs.

And just do that. And then you know. That one really fizzled out. What's wrong Joe? Joe what's going on? I miss Bobby. You do miss Bobby too but honestly I forgot now we're rolling like the first few minutes

was pretty awkward but I was like you know what it is nice. We start cooking dude. Well I miss Bobby because I usually just look at him when you guys go into your horse shit. That was actually. Wow fun bit. That was a fun little bit over here. Talking about a Mexican lady trying to sell me a pen.

Louis? Fucking hilarious. Fucking Jordan, Wolf of Wall Street. Fucking Mexican hookers. You're fucking saying it's a shit bit. What are you talking about? Wolf of Wall Street, underrated I say. What?

Underrated, I think it's perfectly rated. It's rated. I think it's rated right on the fucking. I think it's like, you don't hear people talk about it that much. No, people. And it's like a great comedy. It's very funny. One of the funniest movies in the last 20 years.

Very funny, but people talk about it. It's rated. Yeah, and she was so hot in that fucking movie. Oh! She was fucking crazy hot. She, I don't really... I don't love her. Except for that movie and it's Harley Quinn, then I'm like, she's fucking banging.

But then you just kind of see her... That Will Smith movie, she was really hot in. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Yes. Fantastic. Sharon Tate, she was fucking crazy. She's pretty, you know they're doing a sequel to that? I just saw that, yeah.

Without her. She's Tarantino directing it. Unbelievable in that movie. It's fucking sick. Yeah. I was probably gonna come in too, because now you guys just keep looking over my shoulder. Well, no, we're trying to, I mean, I think Bobby

would have fun with the Tijuana conversation. Yeah, Danny, I was trying to hold off on it. Danny, just stop the bit It stinks. He's probably in traffic No, we come out there he's feeding him Watch out Danny they can kick forward a lot of people don't know that moose can kick forward. Moose are very dangerous animals. Dude, one time when I lived with my aunt in Alaska, I got up in the middle of the night to go get water

and in her kitchen, like the window that went out, you know, like those windows that are out on a kitchen sink, like they go out and you could put like trinkets in the window. Oh yeah, storm window? Yeah. Is that what's called? Storm window.

I mean they're doing shit, look, they're both both coming out Paco's being called out they go they're kissing and they go I fucking can't wait it's kind of like I there's a moose in the window Paul riser a bit about this in the 80s we have like a surprise don't tell Danny my tell Danny cuz he's never heard it so it is really mad Danny complimented a comedian's joke. It was a shit joke. It was a hack joke. It's a funny joke to keep going. Danny you know your taste is probably maybe the most important thing in comedy when you're young but trying to like learn how to do shit you're emulating. This happens a lot here's the

thing we're old. Yeah we're old. He's a young idiot Danny hold us we're like 28 that joke was done in 1985 yeah it's also the thing that Colin says about our generation he's like you guys are fucked cuz you know everything you just like watched all the comedy right like younger people just are like oh it's a funny idea and we're like actually in 1986 me and James are watching Comedy Central half hours oh you watch, you watch Dane Cook? We didn't watch Dane Cook. Regan.

James loves Dane Cook. Yeah. James loves Dane Cook. He thinks he's so fucking funny, I showed him fucking a couple of times. Vicious circle? Vicious circle, yeah. Yeah, dude. James shits his pants laughing at Dane Cook.

Patrice's presents, Nick Swartzen's is the best. Nick Swartzen's is the best comedy. Regan. Really? Regan. Rah, yeah, you're right. He loves Regan. Regan and Swartzen's is the best. Nick Swartzen's is the best comedy. Really. He loves Regan. He loves Regan. Then Swartzen.

James quotes Jim Gaffigan, like it's his own jokes. I love it. Like we walk through the mall and he'll just make a joke about IHOP and I was like, it's Gaffigan. It's a Gaffigan. Gaffigan's is unbelievable. It's great. But Regan, I mean, I saw Regan's and I was like,

this is the funniest person of all time. That's why it was my introduction. I don't know if I ever saw his half. The world's strongest man thing. The pianos with molten lead. Did James shit his pants with the spelling bee bit? Regan's spelling bee bit? Oh yeah, yeah.

Oh my God. Dude, so good. But besides Regan's, Swartzen's is a fucking bang. Yeah, it's great. He showed up at the stand the other night. He just popped in to look around. Swartzen, Dane, and Regan are the ones we'll watch next. Yeah, DePaulo's is great, his first one.

James is not gonna like DePaulos racist comedy. I don't know, dude. I don't know, dude. You might be surprised. Maybe if he lived a little, he'd know. Yeah, maybe if he fucking spent some time in a major city and not on Jersey and the Birds. We gotta get Bobby in here because you two are too distracted.

Just fucking forget what's going on over there. Bobby said he's not sure if he's gonna make it Okay, oh Let's just go. I guess we should throw his coffee. I just saw Lewis's eyes changing He won't make it oh fucking piece of shit That's like when they come out at the mall and they go Santa might be in the area And all the kids go oh It's a fucking work. You need a Bobby tracking app dude. He's right over Maine right now It comes Bobby Claus

Dude don't fucking touch that yeah, but if I went back to fucking. Teohana? Teohana, I wouldn't have a much better time. If I wasn't so sick, it was so annoying. Catch a donkey show, dude. Yeah. It's the only shot I'll take is tequila. Oh, cool.

But I haven't been drinking. I just spent this weekend, I was like, I'm gonna party with my buddy. Just fucking feigning fun. Last shot I took was the COVID shot. Folks! Hello! That's why you're gay.

If only there was a moose here, a dunking moose. If only someone got this episode started the right way. We need Bobby to start the episode. Ba da da da. I think we're like halfway done. Yeah, we're like- done. Yeah, we're this 1236. Oh we gotta say things that trigger Lewis why his mics unplugged. It's too late. Damn it. Good job Joe. Black people are people.

They're equals! They're humans just like us. Ah fuck. See any good movies in the theater lately? Oh, woo! Theadrs. How you liking it? How's it going? How's it doing? Good. I mean, the two Q&As we sold out, it was great, but we had a messaging problem.

People thought those were the only two screenings. They don't realize it's playing all day, every day. And for how long? Until through Thursday. Does this come out this week? Yeah, this comes out and go see it today tomorrow You have one more chance tomorrow if you're in New York City or Los Angeles. It's going well damn it I want to go see it go see it. Well you could see it today or tomorrow. I'm fucking just got skanks I'm busy. I'm busy place day and night you got to see it. I'm sick

Sick with it. So you sit in the theater? We're gonna make you a movie next, buddy. Can you just send me a link? Can I just watch it at home, please? Yeah, I'll send you a link. You never asked. That's really good for me. I watch it on the road.

Damn it, man. I go, can I get a link? I'll download it, I'll watch it on a flight. It'd be great. But you could. I had one friend. I got one friend who's a multi-millionaire. And he's like, hey, can I,

now Louis came to the screening, and he's like, hey, can I get a ticket? I'm on the road, can you get my wife a ticket? I'm like Norman? Maybe I was watching me leftovers last night. It's a weird thing They do like they I watch this happen with like bissping every time we'd go out like so the waiter wouldn't know who he is Yeah, anybody who's like dude, I'm such a fan. I was like, don't worry. Everything's being calm today You know, like dude, he doesn't need the comp.

Like, he's rich, he's fine. The more money you make, the more free shit you make. Isn't that weird? But I'm like, I'm trying to sell a thing, and each ticket looks like something. Hey, look at this, this one's full. Yeah. I'm like, 20 bucks!

Even if you don't go, buy a ticket even if you don't go. Yeah, I gotta see these numbers before we make a movie with you. Well, we got, we're getting funding. What? These movies. What are you, a studio? Well, you're a lot bigger and more famous than Tom Dustin. That is true.

People want to see a Louis J. Gomez document. Plus, it won't just be about you. It'll have all the people from Skankfest. I want them Ken Burns. I want them pushing in on a photo of your mother. That's gonna have everyone that you love except Gary Vader. Is there a height requirement for Skank Fest? Is that why I can't go? Because I'm not tall enough? Louis, I'm sorry.

Veeder's the best. Rebecca said she's gonna book him. I was like, send Gary Veeder an offer. I'm on it. 3500. Wow. Three days. Wow. I got booked. 3500. What are you thinking, 3500? It's a festival, it's not a weekend in San Diego. For this weight, Bobby better do a full front flip. I mean, in a boot suit. Yeah, I better see a fucking back handspring. I mean, it's insane. Actually, by the way, Jenny and Lewis, it says on your front, that's my sister's name, Jenny. It's just Jenny I mean it's insane. By the way Jenny and Lewis says

in your phone that's my sister's name Jenny. It's just Jenny Lewis not and. Oh there was two people. She's a singer she was in a group called Rhylo Kylie. Pull up some Rhylo Kylie. How about you pull up Ellie Stockholm you fucking losers. Yeah what the fuck. Why can't you do anything? I was trying to look for a big beautiful butt Danny why can't you do any he's on the other on the horn Paco's looking things up but why can't Paco fucking do anything because he's Asian hi I mean what do we do here we fucking tell people to look shit up Ellie Ellie you fucking dumb, whoa, dink. Is this her? Nope.

["Lonely in There"] ["Lonely in There"] ["Sweet to the Trash"] ["Lonely in There"] ["Lonely in There"] I was like, this girl is naked? It's E-L-L-I-E. How do you not know how to spell Ellie, not L?

I think a Duncan Moose could really change the energy. I don't know how to, I wouldn't know how to spell Ellie either, I think. Oh, is it just an I in there? I see. Yeah, see, that's her. Oh, I've met her. She's very nice. Yeah, she's sweet. She's got a big, fat, juicy, tattooed ass. She doesn't like me? What's going on here?

She hates you, dude. Is that real? It's true. She was like, I just don't like Joe. I don't know what it is about him. She goes, he gives me the willies. Well, I don't care about her either. I go, he gives you the willies. And she goes, oh yeah, bro. I don't know. Prove of her love, though.

When's the last time you gave a wet willy? I'm gonna give it by the way Bobby comes comes I'm gonna give him a wet willy. Yeah yeah yeah. And then he leaves. God damn it they were at the phone calls tomorrow. Dude I started the show Lewis disrespecting me. He put his stick his sick spit in my ear. Dude how did he get it past the moose costume? I fucked up I didn't talk to him. You didn't talk to him? No cuz you guys were like everything's good and I had the baby the baby was napping And I was the best thing in the world having a baby rules because it could be your excuse for everything get out of everything You know he did he Joe text me. He's like you talk to him

I was like yeah, and Joe's like I would but I got the baby. I'm like all right well It's fine. What is the baby doing you fucking hold you don't you hold hold the baby to your ear baby? I'm an active father. I'm an active father. I'm an active father three days a week. You're an active baby. Yeah. Three days a week. That's right. You have four days to make phone calls. I've had this before. I try to do it as a bit early on. I won't say the comic again, just a lot of stories about comics. You just fucking name, name Joe. This is the problem, dude. Nobody likes this fucking half in half out shit, dude. He's like, you're going to love it. He's like Monday through Wednesday.

I take them to school. you get the whole day off, and then the weekends, you go out on the roads, whatever. I'm like, well, I'm not divorced. They're just like, yeah, yeah, it's great. Fucking one week out of the month, it's fucking beautiful. Like it's a time rental, whatever those things are. I'd share.

Damn. That wasn't a bomb, it was just, you not knowing how to speak. I just couldn't, I couldn't speak of the word. Yeah. Co-parenting rules. rules just couldn't think of the word bring out a fucking boost dude when do you want to our getting divorced long time do you think you'll ever get divorced I don't think so I mean I hope not like she's for life she's like your girl how marriages work dude no it's not no not

really it's like literally 60% of marriages dissolve. That's what happens when you get married. You stay together forever. It's like getting married is like a terrible idea. Yeah, well, so did our friend, but it was a great party. It was a very fun party. No, I don't think so. We get along quite well. She's very, what's the last thing you guys fought about? Uh, like a real fight, a real drag out fight. We're not really drag out

fight people. The other day she'll interrupt me and I'm like you just interrupted me. I was in the middle of a sentence. You gotta let me finish a sentence. That's most of the Oh, that's a classic though. I'm like, that's crazy. That's how you, that's how everything starts. Yeah. But we don't have, that's like a wrestling feud of someone taking a bump, you know, like someone doesn't move to someone unintentionally and then they go, I didn't mean to do that. That's how you start a fight. That's the exact moment.

But we're easy. This is what's so great about Sarah. I say this all the time. She was born in the 70s. Nothing offends her. She's not like, where were you? We don't drink either. That's another thing.

That's huge. So we're never like, you pocket dialed me. You're born in the 70s? Holy shit. I know. Well, she's constantly in pain from osteoporosis Better shape than any of us to be a hundred She's not like what the fuck even even when the entire internet is messaging her being like

Carrie tell Bobby that he's ruining the show right now and it's not like if Bobby just wasn't gonna be here We would just roll. He's really over waiting for like fucking He says he thinks he's not gonna make it. Can I say something though? It's you too because you're facing this way. We should switch. Okay, you two move. No, I don't need to switch I'm fine. Let go of I'm just saying it's a little rude that he's ruining two shows. He did not ruin the last one. It's fine. I mean, it's fine. I will be better. I'll be better. I'm just going to fucking roll. You're still not good, but you're better.

He's horrible. I'm sick today as well. Very low. Oh, that's like having, are you still contagious? Probably. Why'd you come here? It's just a two-way guys That would be great. It'll be a great job. I love it Yeah, I'm out And then there was one the next episode is going on to walk. It's like when Garth had a by himself You can't get out cuz Bobby's in the doorway Well, just getting there. Yes, dude. What are you doing? I'm about to put my helmet on. Can you open that door?

No way Bobby's been in there for one full hour sound asleep I would love if somebody else was in there those year this year just gnome jerking off There's a weird statue where at first I was like, ah, Bobby's in here. Because we've had some good stuff that we could roll off of. No, it's been great. It's been great. But I'm saying it's distracting because I'm sort of waiting for Bobby to show up. You don't know if he's going to interrupt it.

We get on a run. Why do you want me to get divorced? What's this divorce? Do I not seem happy? No, you seem very happy. I just felt it was going to happen at one point. But you said, when are you getting divorced? I said it's probably happen at one point you said when are you getting divorced?

I said it's probably gonna happen why just because of the statistics or specifically because of Joe I can't talk today. Um That's statistically Specifically speaking but statistics are over all marriages if you factored in Marriages of two people that got married in their 40s and who are sober and were together for eight years before. I think that helps a lot. Sober is the big thing. Yeah. Sobriety and then money,

although I think like 60% of matrimony is directly related to money. And a lot of times it happens if the woman's making more money than the man. It's a fucking evolutionary thing. I wish I could have just one time be with a woman who makes more money than me. It's awesome.

It fucking rules. Does it rule? Does she make more money than me. It's awesome. It fucking rules. Does it rule? Does she make more money than you? More about even. Yeah, I mean you make a lot of money. Did you guys split bills on things, like when you got to eat? We split everything.

Everything. Everything. That's crazy. I would feel like I'm a fucking little cuck bitch if I didn't put my credit card on the table for the meal. Wait, you split or you go every other? Oh, wait, you mean like, do we dutch? You go to dinner.

I pay for it. You pay for it. Yeah, I pay for, like, do we go to dinner? I pay for it. You pay for it. Yeah. I pay for like, if we're going out, I will pay for it. If they were like traveling, I'll buy her plane ticket. I'll pay for the rental car. The hell. All right. There we go. You're a man, but sometimes she'll do cool stuff. Like with her job, if I'm going to like, like when she was calling baseball games and we would go and obviously like the company was paying for shit, she would like pay for dinner and I'd be like hell yeah little passenger princess yeah she disappears into the locker room really sweaty if you think paying for some of

the meals is a man I'm the manliest man She's got dust in her. She was a person's rolling tumble. No, Sarah actually does all right. Her and Katie's show does well. We talked about this recently. No, it doesn't. No, it does. She does. She does like the fake ad things. You ever see those? What do you mean? They do like a fake podcast where they talk about products. Like they pretend it's not an ad, that it's a show. Did you guys see the Kevin Hart one where he does fake crowd work to push an app, a gaming app? No. That's hilarious. And he goes, he goes, you playing Royal Kingdom? And he goes, what you doing, man? Guys on his phone, he's like, you looking at your phone, man?

He goes, I'm playing Royal Kingdom. And Kevin Hart goes, I'm playing Royal Kingdom, bam. And then they're all like, oh, it sucks. Sounds great, good for him. Kevin Hart's gonna burn in hell for his greed. Dan. Greedy fucking midget. I know you all, you party wants to be this guy,

but you're not this guy. Well, the guy who's like, You're gonna bump into Kevin Hart, and you're not gonna be like, that's right, bitch, you're gonna be like this, I'm sorry. I never said that at all, but I can have an opinion that I think it's gross. I know, but then you're gonna see him, and you're gonna be like, oh god, did he hear it?

I'm not gonna see him, he doesn't even come nearer or worse. You'll see him. And what, and he'll walk right by me. How famous black comedians, when they come here, do you think they talk to us? He's also five foot three, there's a good chance that I don't miss him how famous black comedians, when they come here, do you think they talk to us? He's also five foot three, there's a good chance they'll miss him. I go, huh?

Down here, hey, you don't play Royal Kingdom? You should play Royal Kingdom. My friend Big J, who I left far behind. You're giving Warwick Davis voice? Why, women, women be shopping. Yeah, why don't we do plugs real quick. I'm halfway done. The show's half over.

Yeah, it's insane. We're literally, like, in the back half of the thing. Whenever Bobby's end game is here, it just stinks. I will be honest with you. Because he said he's doing the show. He's asleep? Yeah. I mean, he's just asleep in the hallway holding a moose head.

Yeah. Why would he try to sabotage in the hallway holding a moose head. Yeah. Why would he try to sabotage the show? I don't understand it. He goes... He snores. Did he get the time wrong? Plugs? Plug it up, baby.

I'm in Rochester, New York this weekend. Woo! Comedy at the Kyle's and... And Cleveland, May 15th through the 17th I think yes but more importantly my movie and specials coming I got too much to plug my specials coming out in theaters across the United States which is awesome 21st Philadelphia landmark Ritz 5 IFC film center here in New York tumbleweeds all over the place May 21st in movie theaters big experiment we'll see how it

goes and Tom Dustin portrait of a comedian is in theaters starting May all over the place, May 21st in movie theaters. Big experiment, we'll see how it goes. And Tom Dustin, portrait of a comedian, is in theaters starting May 9th in Houston, Atlanta, Larkspur, California, Glenview, Illinois. Please go see it, it's a fucking fantastic movie, if I may say so myself. And it's also playing in New York City tomorrow. Shout out Tom Dustin, what a hero.

Oh yeah. He's wonderful. I will be at the Spokane Comedy Club this Thursday through Saturday doing five shows, bringing Mark Smalls with me. Who's Mark Smalls? I never heard of that guy. Funny guy. From San Francisco, funny dude in LA, very funny.

Five shows, Spokane Comedy Club, and then May 15th, I'm gonna be at the Heart Theater at the Egg in Albany, New York. May 16th, I'm gonna be at the Flynn Center at the Egg in Albany, New York. May 16th, I'm gonna be at the Flynn Center in Burlington, Vermont. And then Skyline Comedy Club at the end of May. Danceholder.com for all tickets. Go to my website, lewisofskanks.com.

Grab your tickets, come see the Bring 5 Friends Tour. Don't pull it up at all for me, guys. Don't worry about it, I'll just fucking do it off memory. Punchline this weekend, Houston, Texas. Don't worry about it, I'll just fucking do it off memory. Punchline this weekend, Houston, Texas, May 1st through 3rd. The next weekend I am in Fort Collins, Colorado, very excited about that. Fort Myers, Florida coming up May 16th weekend.

San Antonio, Texas, one night only on May 22nd. It's a big venue, come out, bring a lot of friends to that one, Fort Worth, Texas, Dallas, Texas coming up. And then at the end of the month I'm gonna going to be in Europe. I'm going to Amsterdam, Glasgow, Dublin, Manchester, and London. Boston's coming up as well. Lots of fun stuff guys. Go to lewisofskanks.com. Also really get your Skankfest tickets this Friday, May 2nd. They go on sale 1 p.m. Eastern. Don't sleep. Those VIP passes or those all access passes are going to go quickly. I have a feeling they're're gonna go quicker than they've ever gone before so make sure you are in line

waiting to get them at skankfest.com this Friday May 2nd 1 p.m. Eastern get your tickets for my special taping on July 12th in Tampa that's very close to selling out and yeah check out all my other pods Legion of Skanks and Story Wars whoo I'm finally a story warrior baby story warrior baby boy and if you want to be a producer on the skank fest doc, we've had several people send us over $20,000 already money is coming in At least they wanted to they've pledged it verbally. I've just hit 50. Yeah, and I want to fuck all my people 25 Okay, and then you said you have a guy

Whoa, that's what you said it you're acting after this weekend in San Diego. I can't fucking I can't even think about money Across the country get slapped set up for my mailing list as well at Lewis of skanks.com and mine punch up live I got something cool coming to punch up live be to Come on out! We need a moose. Louis has a hard out. Does Bobby know Louis has a hard out? I have a hard on.

He's not coming. He's not coming. I think this is now what they're doing is they're going to get us to believe he's not coming. Maybe he's not coming. But here's the thing. If he doesn't come, then just don't come. If he doesn't come, don't be up in the air, don't tell us you're coming.

See, here's, let me say this, I'm actually, I'm actually annoyed. If he just doesn't come. This is what he wants. He wants you to believe. No, but I'm actually annoyed in that case. He will. Because, all right, him leaving last week,

yeah, I get it, his fucking wife was doing his thing. It's one thing, but to literally have us show up and then not be here for the show. If he does not show up this episode at all Yeah, the next episode we will all agree on it and the three of us will not show up That's really funny It's not funny because the reality is like we have an audience that wants to listen to us fuck around with each other and not Be distracted not wondering if somebody's gonna show up or not show up

But the audience also really cares how I'm doing to my college football. I if somebody's gonna show up or not show up. But the audience also really cares how I'm doing in my college football doggie on PlayStation 5. But the audience really wants to know how Danny and I's new podcast called Yelling at Each Other, where it's just me yelling at Danny.

Danny Boys. Danny Boys, that's good. That's pretty good. Where Danny tells me a joke that he thinks is awesome and I explain that it's been done since 1975. Including by me. Da da da da da da da da da. God damn it, I know it almost broke the show apart

but how many times that made me laugh? Oh that fucking tickled my dick. I was just texting you, I was like dude. I showed it to James. He shit his pants. James isn't gonna respect Bobby when he goes over to hang out with Max. It's the only thing he wants.

It's like, we're gonna walked out. Ah, shit. And the AI, by the way guys, awesome job of all the AI. You guys did fucking some sick poses. Well, I was gonna say, you can't say you're coming to the show and then not come to the show. That's actually insane. He's coming to the show. No, but even halfway through the show is insane.

Why is this here? I know, but it's also insane. The whole thing is insane. Welcome to our crazy life, dude. La Vida Volca. Hey everybody. It's me, Dan Soder. I just wanted to take this time away

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Little relief. Welcome back. What else do we got for topics? We don't have any topics. We thought we were gonna talk to Bobby about leaving last week and that was gonna be the whole show. We've had topics though. We had Tijuana, we had my movie that's in theaters

May 9th across the country. We have... Tijuana Bobby Kelly to show movie that's in theaters, May 9th across the country. We have- Tijuana Bobby Kelly to show up and do his fucking job. What about Bill Belichick dating a hooker? Yeah, I don't know. I saw some guy tweet like, this is totally destroying Belichick's legacy.

Do you know who Bill Belichick is? He's a coach of a sort of sport. Yes, he was the former coach of the New England Patriots. He's a coach of football. He's the hooker. No, no, that's what the rumor is. He's arguably the greatest football coach of all time. Not even arguably, in my opinion.

Yeah, he's the greatest football coach of all time. When it's Super Bowls. He left the New England Patriots, right? Doesn't do anything. Then all of a sudden starts dating a, he's innocent. I think he was dating like a 20-something year old girl. 24 year old, good. A lot of podcasts that pull this up. God bless him. Not starts dating. He's in his... I think he was dating like a 20 something year old girl. 24 year old. Good.

A lot of podcasts that pull this up. God bless him. Not this one. I have no issue with that. He does an interview on this. I have no problem with fucking older guys dating younger chicks. Why is this like this big fucking problem? Because I think it's weird.

There's these fucking... Whatever happened in society, we went through sort of like the internet came out and everyone became kind of depraved and fucked up and everyone was saying crazy shit. And then the smoke cleared now We have all these people that are pretending to be like sort of like just pure and it's like this puritanic I think you're that's going on on the internet trying to roll. I could not relate to a 20 year old girl. No, you're not supposed to when you're 70 years old You're supposed to fuck them and you're supposed to go. I'm a I'm worth a hundred million dollars He's just fucking hot chicks. Who cares?

He's doing Instagram posts with her. He's dressed up like a fisherman and she's a mermaid. Oh, I love it. I have no issue with this. Yeah, we know you're gonna have a child bride when you're older. I can't wait. I love, we have the best producers in the game.

You're like, the seven-year-old guy's dating a 24-year-old hooker, and then he pulls up all-time NFL wins leader. So this is the girl. Yeah that's that look at him that's him as a fisherman right there in the third. Oh that's great. Yeah God bless him dude. So in the interview. That's him actually fishing and then they CGI'd or whatever. So here's the thing at 43 right so if I was dating a 22 year old now and I haven't dated a girl, most of the girls that I dated are late 20s, early 30s. A few years ago I dated a 23 year old. It was fine, she was hot, she was cool.

She was much- Karen's 58 years old. What are you talking about? No, no, so she's like a race car. There's more mileage on it, that's not just city driving. No, I dated this half black chick from D.C. who was smoke. You know Black Don't Crack?

Big old butt, you remember that chick? Black Don't Crack. That chick was hot. Was half her butt big? No, it was one cheek. Her butt was fucking huge, it was delightful. But she was also kind of mature. Like, you know, she left home when she was like 11

or something. That's why Louis Googhets and Oliver Twist, and he goes, oh no, they're pretty fucking mature, you know? Once they've been kept in a cage for nine years in a basement in Cleveland. But that was the youngest. That was right at the beginning of the pandemic. So I was maybe 38, 39 or something.

Dating a 24 year old? 23 year old. I dated a 23 year old when I was 34, 35, sick. And it was fine. It was fine. But now, at 43, if I dated a 23 year old now, I would like actually dating him I'd be like this is Much Yonis used to have a great joke where he was he was like in it

38 and he was dating a 21 year old and he was like I had to explain who big he was But she so but when you're 60 or 70, like, then I'm. She's younger than his like. God bless him. It's not like there's no, it's weird for 40 year olds to be scamming on 23 year olds. It's not for 70 year olds. Why? Because he lived his life. Let him fucking have a little bit of fun now.

Yeah, it's like having dessert for dinner. It's like when my grandma was like barely living and she goes, I want a candy bar. And you go, she's eating something. Yeah, dude. It's like eating a TV dinner, you eat the brown's eating something Yeah, dude. Also, you get TV dinner you eat the brownie first This one I'll get she's the gross one. Yeah, she's the fucking weirder. Like everyone's like, oh, he's a predator He's this thing like this is a 24 year old actively fucking a fat old fucking elderly man I have no issue with that either if she if her whole thing is she wants to be taken care of. I don't have an issue with it.

I'm just saying she's the one that's gross, not him. They're always like, he's gross, he's dating a girl the age of his granddaughter, she's gross. Well, the interview they did on CBS Sunday morning, they were like talking to him, because he took over North Carolina, the University of North Carolina's football team, and he's coaching it, and they're interviewing him, and they were like, to him because he took over North Carolina the University of North Carolina's football team and he's coaching it

They're interviewing them and they were like so, you know, you're dating Jordan. She's like pretty prominent How'd you guys meet and then from the couch she popped up on the couch. She goes we're not answering that Oh, no, and they kept that in and then CBS was like she interrupted several times That was the only one we kept in she was trying to control the interview Yeah, and people were like, why does she keep shooting down how they met? And when they first started dating, they're like, we met on a plane.

Wasn't she a cheerleader? Was she a cheerleader? I think she was a cheerleader for a professional team. For the Patriots? If she's a cheerleader for the Patriots, that makes all the sense in the world. I had no idea. I mean, we'll see if our producers ever get around

to be a cheerleader. No, they won't. We have to figure this out ourselves. Cover your mouth. Oh, that sounds like a half a cover. Don't not in the pocket. Yes, she was a cheerleader. For the Patriots? No, in high school. Who did she cheerlead? He goes, no, for the North Central Chippewas. You don't understand? Jesus Christ, Danny. Is this a bit?

How can they all? For Bridgewater State University. Bridgewater? Wait, seriously? That's down the street from my house. That's where you and Nate did the gig when you came to my house. And we went to my father's place.

Which Bridgewater State? Oh, nice. Yeah, that's hilarious. Former collegiate cheerleader. My cousin works there. God bless him. That's like the fucking dream, dude. Look, if your wife dies, all right, Sarah dies.

Yes, please It's Karen Karen No, Karen Karen's fucking at that point Jesus Christ. Yeah, go buy a new glove Karen's gonna be fucking shaking her ass at only fans when she's 60 Sarah dies, would you get with another one? How long would it take number one for you to start dating again? As fast as you could set up the app I had an idea for a movie about like a guy whose wife dies and it's like awkward She's going your way Joe's always trying to fucking do like I have an idea for a bit But it's like you know like a dark movie, but it's like, you know, like a dark movie, but

it's kind of quirky, funny. Fuck you Joe. Pick funny or fucking sad. Pick one dude. What are you talking about? No, I know what you're doing. That's a Joe. That's a Joe thing right there. It's kind of like, yeah. Like a, what's that one? Um, fucking Adam Sandler movie punch trunk. No, no, no. The one where he's like, it's kind of sad, but it's like, Oh, the one about nine 11 maybe terrible. Yeah. What are you talking about? Yeah. I want quirky, funny depth. Johnny depth. He's going to play the guy. He goes, I really miss my wife, but I really want a fucking 19 year old. You're skinny. Maybe I should come up with some horribly flawed game shows. Whoa! The only thing that could stop this is a dancing moose. He's going to be here for a half an hour.

He's going to come in and take the helmet off and we're going to leave. I'm actually annoyed. I actually think probably though he's in like traffic. I'm having a sip of his stupid fucking coffee. Well this is what I suspect. Bobby had a funny bit set up that's fun. Yeah. But then like he blew a tire out or something like that.

That's so funny. And now he has to dress up and do some of that shit. He just sat in the car and went pssss. He's just on the side of the road changing a tire. Oh, that's great. He's changing a tire, cars are whizzing by and he's just in the bottom half of a moose suit. Yes, exactly.

Now he has to show up. He's on the Garden State Parkway. Caw, caw, caw, caw. Now he has to show up and do a gag. Dude, I can't get this thing jacked up in the den. He's like, Hey Bobby, where are you? Hey Bobby, did you ever hear a joke about, um, there's a joke about kids being assholes? I'm saying we should dock Bobby's pay for two episodes. I'm not even joking about this. Is there pay by the way? I've been paid since 1988. I thought we were doing this for pure fucking spirit fingers. Last time I got a check for this podcast you know fucking Reagan was an offer. The stooka gave it to me. No there was no money in those days. This right here is from Bobby. He says don't bring it up later, that he took all the money. Bobby would hand us a 20 spot every three months. Yes, there you go kid, now go buy yourself a sandwich.

I never got a 20. Dude, he, let me tell you this. Dude, I would sell this merch for him, it was insane. He wouldn't kick me back from the merch. Can I tell you the most offended I ever was in my life, was I opened for, I featured for Bobby at Levity Live, with Kelly Faustuca, and at the end of the weekend, they gave us both checks, and then Kelly looks at my check

and she goes, we got paid the same. I've held onto that for fucking 16 years. I go, you never pay the feature in the MC the same. Yeah, that's crazy. So he set it up. Yes. So Bobby was like, no, pay them the same, split it. Split it, Dave, gave Kelly and Dan and then I actually did jokes.

She went up there and bomb for 10 minutes and then I had to fucking rebuild the thing. Kelly was so bad at it. Just then at the end where she looks over at my check in that green room on the couch and she goes, we got paid the same. I was like, Oh fucking sick. Do you think she got good at comedy? Does she still do stand up? Does she? She doesn't need to stand up. She's like married now. She's like, Oh, married. I'm married. I do stand up all the she? She doesn't do stand up anymore. She's like married now. She's like, oh, I'm married. I do stand up all the time.

I do stand up all the time. Just once you're married. Now you want to write a sad funny movie. Fuck off. Sad funny. I want to make a sad funny movie about you. It's stupid. Oh.

So many great movies. Did someone say sad and funny? I'm glad they're trashing in a mutt of red and fucking I'm pissed. I'm starting to get angry. The more the clock gets up, the more I get It makes me feel like I'm waiting for my parent to pick me up at baseball practice. Yeah dude.

My theory has to be right, because there's no way he like wants to not come in till the very end. Well that's crazy. Something's happened. There's an on-star conversation happening Your door can't open again. Who do you work for? Do you work for the rise? Do you work for Bobby both? No So it's a conflict of interest to lie to me right now. Okay, what's going on? He's doesn't want me to talk about on there. He doesn't want you to talk about it on there

Yeah, are you gonna brief us after the show? Yes pause the show it on air. Are you going to brief us after the show? Yes. Pause the show. Okay, should I turn off the cameras? No, you can also just edit it out. It's not live. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I don't fully know the reason, but he just said he's not sure if he's going to make it and he doesn't really want me to talk about it. That doesn't make any sense. Now you're lying to me. God damn you make a horrible criminal. Yeah, just what does he want you to talk about?

Louis, put the fucking clamps on him because this better be recorded. What doesn't he want you to talk about? Because we haven't given away anything. I don't fully know the reason. What I'm saying, I'm just. Let me see your text messages. He's in a weird position

Ouch, can I show Paco my text messages and then what did Bobby say to you on the phone? He's not sure if he's at first he was saying he's not sure if he's gonna make it and then he called back And he said he's not gonna make it But what does he want you to talk about you said he specifically doesn't want you to talk about something Yeah, I I don't know on the show. Don't lie to me, Danny. I don't know. He told me not to talk about it. This is a conflict of interest of Danny on the show. I'm dead ass. It's a conflict of interest. Because the reality is this is a real show. This is actually a real job. This isn't a fucking game. We show up and we give it our all. 110%. And I know that Danny and I have been at each other's necks for a fucking year.

This is actually a job. We all showed up. I fucking left New Jersey to fucking be here today. I'm sick. I could have easily just stayed home and slept. Yeah, dude. You could have had a T1 on a hooker putting ice on your job. We're going to lose valuable time. All right, all right, let's go. Turn it back on. I mean, it's still recording. Oh yeah, are we back on? We're back in, dude. We're back. We're back. I mean, nothing had to be edited out His fucking face cuz Danny doesn't work for me Danny works for fucking Bobby

So now we have a so fuck you Danny got a rat about that. Well, who does Paco work for Paco works for me? So he doesn't work for us a conflict of you know what? You know what, Paco works for everybody. No. Total. Just immediately call Lewis on his own thing. So who does Paco work for? Me. Well, now it's a conflict of interest.

Paco, I will give you permission. Never hide anything from the team. No, that's a big no. Ever. No, I don't really mean this. Paco, never hide it. You work for these guys. I really mean that.

Paco, is Lewis gay? Damn it, Paco, shut your mouth. You work for me, Paco. You back work for me. Dude, I've been, listen, I'm having a day complimenting Paco. Paco did a lot of great stuff. Also, he's been fucking killing it with the clips except that one that was 36 minutes. That was insane. 36 minutes. What was it? I didn't even know what it was. It

was the whole drama. I was like, why would anyone watch the episode if you took a third of the episode and put it out as his own clip? It's like if you walk by for a taste of it, it's just a whole state. I don't think I need to go in there. You go to the mall and they're like would you like an entire pile of bourbon chicken? You go well yeah why would I go in there to buy anything? Why aren't we kind of concerned about Bobby? I'm not concerned because this is some fucking psychotic fucking serious personal it's not a serious personal issue this is Bobby fucking us in our asses. He said I don't't want you to talk about it, because it could be like, he doesn't want us joking about his wife. If something really bad happened, then I'm not mad.

But I'm still mad at Danny, because Danny's hiding things. What a forgiveness. Bobby goes, Danny, I lost a foot. And Lewis goes, well, I'm not mad at him. Danny, fuck you. Fuck you. What? What's the world coming to? Skank fest. I mean this, Danny's going to be off the show. Lewis versus Danny, skank fest. Danny fuck you fuck you what?

Mean this Danny's going to be off the show Lewis verse Danny skank fat Danny's going to be off the show Lewis verse Danny Danny You better start training. I mean Danny became a bad guy's got a lot of balls He does got a lot of fucking ball drink. It's a drink over to me Danny. What am I the pay no mind list? Yeah, can I get another brownie Danny? What's going on here? Heat it up. Let's go. Yeah, I'm eating another coffee I guess send somebody out But you have a hard out though, right? I have a hard out in 40 minutes 42 minutes. I got a hard on Danny's mind would blow for any joke that's already been made It's a media medium this time. Please Brownie with no bites taken out of it. Talk about I don't want you to leave you send Danny Medium this time please Brownie with no bites taken out of it. Talk about I don't want you to leave you send Danny

No, I like him. That's my stunt. I'm switching him. I like him Danny I no longer like Danny because Danny is not actually on our fucking side Danny doesn't want the best for this show Danny wants the best for Bobby fucking Kelly That's what Danny wants and Bobby Kelly might be changing a tire right now on the cross-bronze Expressway I think something happened. But medium, please. Thank you. But I agree. If nothing happened and Bobby's just skipping the episode. It's insane.

I hope that is the case. Because honestly, that's taking a little bit of the power back. Well, no, there's no power lost. Bobby last week left for no reason because his wife was having a fucking problem with the the generator that's insane to leave that's her lover's name yeah that's her bowl power generator. Dan's on his phone. I'm texting my coffee order to Paco. Okay. Fair. Same tone. We both kept the same tone. Let's just forget about Bobby and focus. People are going to be upset. But can I say that I wouldn't. He's Bill and Chex's girlfriend. But we would have just done a sh- if it's just going to be us, it'll just fucking be us. We just would have done a shot. It's like the whole idea was like we're gonna like come in and talk about this

Yeah, I honestly was very excited to talk. I was very excited What's your heart out where you headed I gotta go home get up James from school Yeah, yeah his mom's in New Orleans right now I'm bringing I'm bringing James to New Orleans right now. Oh! Orleans, home of Skankfest! I'm bringing James to New Orleans on Wednesday. Oh, hell yeah. To drop him off to her. Any applications?

No, we're already, we're already Skankfest. Wait, you guys are going down there together, but then you're gonna do Skankfest stuff and they're gonna have like mom and son? Yeah, he's there for Jazz Fest. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, yeah, so he's gonna go to Jazz Fest, which is, she goes to Jazz Fest every year.

What a cool, who's headlining? I don't know. You should have some big fucking headlining. Yeah, we're gonna do like a spooky tour. It's great, I did a ghost tour of New Orleans. It's very, very good. One of the most haunted houses in the world. Do you believe in haunted shit?

Yeah, I believe in aliens. You believe in ghosts? Yeah, I believe in all that shit. No. Yeah? No. I think we don't know what it is. I think there's like energy.

There's none. I think that's stupid. There's energy if you drink Magic Mind. I think that's stupid. No. Energy if you drink magic minds. Whoa. That's the real energy. You, you, so you have the same mind as like a girl. A child.

Like a woman. Yeah. I have lady. You believe in energy. I have a lady for it. I don't believe in God. I believe in some sort of energy. I believe in God.

I believe in God. You believe in God too. Oh, you believe in God? I'd rather not say. He's atheist. I'm an atheist too. Yeah, great. Nice. April birthdays. Hell yeah, dude. We're not even smart. It's like, yeah, obviously.

There's never been a single fucking thing, like there's no paranormal shit. I will say there's one paranormal thing that happened. Oh, well, there's none ever. There's none ever in the world, except there is this one. You fucking. Well, it wasn't paranormal.

It was crazy. So me and this chick, Cecilia, this hot French chick in high school. Who's never alive, by the way. Go to different school. What if I alive, by the way. Go to school. What if I told you she died in 1842 in a boat? Cecilia is the name of a French ghost. It absolutely is.

So me and this chick, Cecilia, we were at Rockland Community College, I believe, and there was like a shrine, like some sort of shrine thing. I don't know exactly what it was, but it was like a religious sort of thing. And there was a nice set of rosary beads, like laid on the shrine.

So I stole them. It's cool. I stole the rosary beads. Good stuff, this never goes bad in the horror movies. Yeah, Louis is absolutely the guy that goes, we're gonna go camping where that kid drowned. And everyone goes, I wouldn't do that. Didn't I put them in her car, and her car got,

this is just a normal chick. Yeah. I think I was in my first year of college, she was still a senior in high school, and she was taking college classes at Rockland Community College, this is how this happened. Her car got keyed three days in a row after these rosaries were gone.

She wasn't that girl. She wasn't a girl where some Puerto Rican sticks are gonna she wasn't that girl. She wasn't a girl where like some Puerto Rican six girls are keying her car. It wasn't like, it was just bizarre. And she was like, this is fucking nuts. Like why'd you like leave these in my car? And we were driving like on the highway and I threw them out the window into like the woods somewhere pretty far away. Like wherever it was, it was somewhere in Rockland County. I shit you not. I shit you not. The next day, the next fucking day, the Rosary Beads were in my hallway of my house.

That is terrifying. That is, dude. Now is this the same thing as like when you didn't pay at the sandwich and you yelled at the Indian man? Like you were holding him? I picked him up, that's right. You go, ah, they were just in my hand the whole time. Yeah.

That's terrifying. It. This just came on. Cecilia. Oh, yeah. That's fun. Came on. Here's the deal. Liz from the seller. Yeah, it did bomb. Put that give that to him. Liz at the seller, who's the least bullshit person we know. Yeah. She's not like Liz is like shut the fuck up about any bullshit. She will tell you right now the fat black is very haunted.

Hold on. She's like it is a fat black guy. Hold this under your chin when you tell the story. No. She will tell you matter of factly that she is, she'll show you footage from just glasses flying across the room and shit. No. Yes.

No. She showed it to me. None of it's real. Okay. None of it's real. We think they set up a Hollywood fucking special effects guy in there to fuck with Liz. Maybe Cecilia went and got those fucking rosary beads out of the woods. I literally think it's more likely that a Hollywood special effects guy threw a glass

than a ghost. It's not a ghost. He whipped a glass? There's been no proof of ghosts, gods, nothing like that a ghost? It's not a ghost. He whipped a glass? There's been no proof of ghosts, gods, nothing like that, dude. It's always fucked. I mean, look, I've been alive for 43 years, so it just all avoids me. There's no ghosts.

No, you don't believe, you don't see. You don't believe it. Yeah, but if you believe, if you believe it. Do you believe in aliens? No, if you, I mean, yes, do I believe in aliens? Yes, so not in this, not in this. He saw a few of them this weekend in Diawanda. A++, A++. Yes, so not in this not in this

Hey plus plus hey plus plus I believe in other galaxies there's probably intelligent life But no, I don't believe aliens visit us here. You don't think they've ever stopped down on this rock. No gone What the fuck are you guys doing? No, okay, Joe Rogan this crazy rock with monkeys all over it I would love to have the arms that Joe Rogan has or the HGH got It's better than my fat gut. Soda cleverly shifted away from the fact that there's clearly no ghosts. Now we're on the aliens. There's ghosts.

There's aliens. There's aliens in the same realm. If there's a ghost, show me a sign! I go, well, it looks like Sarah's in the dating pool now. Dude, no. Yeah, do I think that there's, do I think that there's, do I think that there's, I don't think that there's alien spaceships

that visit the Earth. I don't think that happens. I don't care if you do or don't. Okay. But no, ghosts aren't real, God's not real. Okay. There you go. Man, if you're wrong. He'll forgive.

No, not necessarily. Just burning in hell for having independent thoughts. I stop in and go, hey Lewis, huh? I'm down here too. None of you guys live Christian lives so if there is God. Why is it Christian? What if I lived a good Jewish life? Well, why don't I complain to God? I don't know. I was itchy. I wanted to move Dude if a moose came in right now Stop thinking about it. This is what happens when your dad abandoned. I mean, I'm gonna have such a talk with Bobby If I didn't just show up for the show If what if I if I didn't just if I just didn't show up I Mean, that's crazy. Who would I do bits with? I mean not this guy angry

They're trying to do better I am slightly worried cuz we did hear on the speakerphone Bobby planning to come should I call him? Call him up if he doesn't think where he doesn't answer my phone call It's just a stupid fucking thing But he was we did to hear over here cuz Danny's a fucking idiot that he was planning on coming and now it's been an hour I mean, it's been way too long It's it's no, it's it's crazy for under a half an hour of the show Hello, I'm in the hallway what?

That's not what the speaker is Cover your fucking mouth. We're on the road. You piece of shit. I mean, him not answering my call. Spokane, if I'm sick, I am so sorry. Jeremy. Is the show I'm planning on bringing you guys?

It's a good one. I'm hungry. Yeah, hungry for this. Ass. I think something happened. I don't think anything happened. See, what do you think? He decided to not come at the last minute? Yeah. I think that he's been reading all of the Reddit comments. No way! He's been reading all the comments. I've been reading them and I'm here. I'm standing right

in front of right here. You believe in aliens, but you don't believe in ghosts or God. I don't, but aliens are, it would, it would be unlikely that we're the only developed life in the, I mean, it's, it's an endless space. Yes. I completely agree. I mean, I think that there's other, there's, there's probably another earth like planet in another galaxy. another galaxy Fermi paradox Why it goes so shifty and weird that they're just like throw a glass

What's going on listen I I'm I I would like to know that too, but I definitely think that there's a chance that The energy from the dead can trance, you know, like they can get stuck here. They can get stuck. Dan, you're retarded. You don't really believe that, dude. You're not a hot chick. Stop having dumb thoughts.

Maybe I am. Do you believe in crystals? Do you believe in fucking... No, that shit's gay. Do you believe in fucking horoscopes? But I believe in ghouls and ghouls. You fucking... I believe in crystal meth and crystal Pepsi.

Me too. Bring back crystal Pepsi. I believe in ghosts, though, dude. Shout bring back crystal Pepsi. I believe in ghosts though, dude Shutout ghosts Joe get your ass in here. We're talking whole body deodorant God we love whole body deodorant. He loves it. I fucking wear this all day every day. I love it He's just lacquered in it. I love Mount Fuji you wears Mount Fuji top to bottom and also You wears Mount Fuji top to bottom and also Mando starter pack is perfect for new customers comes with a solid stick deodorant cream tube deodorant two free products of your choice like a mini body wash and maybe deodorant wipes

Plus free shipping and as a special offer for regs listeners new customers get five dollars off a starter pack with our exclusive code That's 40% off your starter pack. Just use the code regs r-egz at shop mando dot-com that's shopmando.com Use the code regs smell fresher stay drier and boost your confidence from head to toe with mando What's one thing that doesn't exist anymore besides your like parents that doesn't exist anymore that you'd love to bring back besides my parents fucking love for our friendship after that comment I would say non smartphones I think life was better when you just exist yeah I'm gonna rid of the cell phones I think I want to get

one of those one of those dumb they're calling them dumb phones because you can put you can text on it. You can get email and you could put Music on it. Oh, I can't wait to just retire and live in the woods with none of that, right? Do I think about it every day? I can't wait to get completely unplugged. Oh, dude Soon like 15 years AI will take every fucking job. That's Shut up yesterday had to call Verizon cable and they, when they pick up it's just a robot and so I didn't know Katie could hear me because I was taking a dump when I called them and I was going shut the fuck up robot. I want to talk to a human.

Shut the fuck up robot and then I got the phone and she goes, is that how you handle automated every time? And I go, got me a person didn't it? It did. I called Chase today and fucking it's just like how gang Yeah, it was they put a fucking dude I I mean I almost said some racist shit to this guy It was an Indian guy that got on and like I explained myself to like a woman get a human a nice English-speaking

Woman at first I explained myself. She was like well. I'm gonna have to put you with the fraud department It's cuz that cerebral my cue that IQ test. They've been charging me $30 a week for months brother It's because that Cerebrum IQ, that IQ test, they've been charging me $30 a week for months. Brother, not only after you told me you did that, did I see on the internet that all these people are getting ripped off, and they're all pretty similar to you in the energy. They're all like dudes who just finished working out,

and they go like, I wanna know what my brain strength is, and then they go, it's an epidemic across the internet, that these meatheads are getting their fucking information. They took your information and they took your money. And they keep on charging me now. And it's like, I just, what happens is I'll get a notification on my Chase app and it's like $30 has been taken out.

I'm like, fucking motherfucker. Every week. That was the IQ test. Every fucking week. And I'm like, I gotta call Chase. I gotta get this figured out. And then I get distracted. And then the next week it happens again. I'm like I gotta call chase I gotta get this figured out and then I get distracted and then the next week it happens again

I'm like motherfucker damn it. So I finally did it today on my way in Yeah, you know I could have done it from by my poolside since we you know, we're not showing up for the podcast We could just choose to not show up for the podcast when we want to not show up but uh me Wow. I... Yeah. What's up, man? I said...

I explained... It could've been a ghost. I explained my entire fucking thing to a white woman. And she's like, I'm gonna have to connect you with somebody else, like, that's in the front department. Oh, I am so sorry. She spoke, she was borderline like an English accent. Like just...

Just like panicked online too. Yeah. Dude, they... They stick in me. They send me... I am a Polish. I mean, I I was like am I not speaking English clear enough for this woman because she's she just dictated every word perfectly. I would be upset as well. Then she's like hold on let me put you on and then this fucking mud-skin Indian. Dude I mean the thickest Indian accent he's like okay you

please explain to me Okay, what happened? I guess you're signed up for an IQ test and it didn't go dude I fucking was so mad as soon as I had to re-explain it and then he's like, I don't know, hold on please and I was like, I don't hear you. I don't understand you. He's like, what do you mean? I said no, please just listen to me. That's so funny I'm so mad and then I had to re-explain it over and over and then I'm getting mad at him And then he ended up helping me he ended up getting the because they were gonna cancel my card Which is making me furious because it's attached too many things. Yeah, and then I can't see your tard they made

That's great like the you're retarded. Yeah, you're retarded and you would cancel it. Yeah, I wish it would cancel your lard cuz you're fat He's not fat though. I mean if he was fat though, but I know yeah, there's Bobby Here maybe his ghost is there getting actually a little bit shot up you're concerned he didn't answer the phone I know he left When he left hey, hey, Danny. Can you tell us this you fucking scumbag, that doesn't work for us, should we be concerned? I don't know. You do know. You don't know anything.

You're a liar. I don't know the situation. I said he's, originally he might make it, now he's not. He's had fucking, Max took his gun to school, dude. It's bad. He's literally not coming. That was good, that was a good joke.

No, it's fine, it's all good. We'll just do the fucking show with Adam. I mean this, we'll do the show with Adam, but we should know that we're doing a show without him before we do the fucking show. So we plan certain things to talk about and fucking have a good show. No recipes.

No. No rules, no recipes. No directions, no, no supplement facts. Nothing, dude. No facts, dude. Yeah, man, but AI is gonna take everything that's why I think for a few years it will what's gonna fight it back It's gonna outsmart us. I stop it then You just fucking what you believe everything you fucking yeah, I'm I have a childlike wonder

Well, I'm not saying it's gonna kill us I'm just gonna say there's no jobs and then'll just, I guess we'll just hang out. The government will create efficiency and poor retarded people that have no emotional jobs or creative jobs will probably just get a paycheck to live. It'll be a diocracy. And, but people that are like universal income. Yeah, probably. We'll have to do that.

Yeah. But it'll be, it'll be a race to see which government can be the most efficient. Right? So like everyone of the China, it's China, Chinese chicken, have a drumstick and you mean, so that's where kids come out with the light. It's the fucking they can't do that. That draws me out. I really thought he's going to be in that bedroom. Yeah. Well's dead Jesus Danny hear that he's paying you made me say that

Danny what if he's painted like the wall He's like a chameleon. He's half red, half maroon. See how long it took me? He did seven hours in a makeup chair. I went from the wedding to this dude. We were just with him. I texted this morning. He texted that he was coming in today.

Now I am starting to get worried. I'm not worried at all. He's texting fucking dumb fuck Danny. Whoa, your guys' sexual tension is... Hold on. What do you actually, Louis, you're guys's sexual tension. What do you hold on? What do you actually Lewis? You're first. What do you actually suspect is going on? There's no way his plan was like I'll show up in the last eight minutes of the podcast. I think that he that is that's the funniest thing he's ever done Because we're down to literally we have 25 minutes before Lewis has to escape.

So what do you think is going on? He has to run baby, run baby. I think he was planning on coming in, then he was going to get in his corner, he was like, dad, you know what dude, fuck it, I'm not coming in, fuck these guys. That's what I think. Really? I think he just literally doesn't give a fuck about us enough to show up for the show. I think he was dressed like a moose and he walked out of his house.

He got shot by a hunter. He got dick chained. He's like, dude, I should have worn orange. Oh, fuck, dude. Human down. Human down. I'm not a moose, dude. I'm not a moose.

That moose has a faint Boston accent. That was the gag. I'm fucking bleeding. Dude, my knee. Dude, my fucking knee. Dude, I'll give him a bath if he was dressed as a moose and got shot. I got one!

Oh, it's a big male too, it's fighting around a lot. It was a goat, I should have got the brown face, I knew it. Oh, fuck dude, why was I chewing a leaf? Oh, fuck dude, I was fucking chewing my sepal without leaves. Oh dude, that's what I think happened. I was fucking chewing my sepulchral leafs. Oh, dude. That's what I think happened. That's the only thing that'll save this.

Joe, what do you think happened? I don't know. I think maybe a car issue. I think he was coming down. He's got a brand new truck. He doesn't have a car issue. So what? He could fucking get in an accident.

He could get a flat tire. He would have called us. He would have texted the group. There's the passive aggressive, not answering the fucking message, but only communicating with fucking dumb ass fucking Danny. But dude, he's losing his shit. God, dude, Danny.

He's probably flipping out. Danny, you're not coming to Skankfest. Danny, I don't know if you can feel his energy, but Lewis wants to fuck. No, I don't wanna fuck. God, he wants to get face to face with Danny and go, I'm gonna suck him. He goes, Danny goes, oh, what's happening right now?

Feels too good. Danny's eyes rolled back at it. Danny, I'll suck you so good. Your eyes are spinning around. It gets cool. There was a leather jacket and he goes, I don't produce shit. Maybe the schedule, maybe his schedule he fucked up. He actually had an appointment or something.

No, he communicated an hour before the show about what coffee he wanted. Yes, I know. But that was the giveaway that he realized. Then he Yes, I know, but I'm saying, then he realized, then he realized, oh fuck, I double booked whatever. What, with another podcast? Something came up. Him and Versey was like, we gotta decide if riding in cabs is her bone to pick or not.

When you give porn. If escalators broke down, that's my bone to pick. If this was his plan all along, he'd just come in the last five minutes, that's crazy. Well that's crazy. He wouldn't do that. Danny's up now. Danny, why are you up? Danny, where are you going?

I'm looking for Bobby. I think something happened. I think his tire went flat. No, because Danny knows, and Danny bullshitted at first, he was like, he doesn't want me to talk about it on air, and then it turns into fucking into fucking and then Bobby just he just went out in the hallway. I think the areas I wouldn't touch her too much. Yes! Let's get ready to dunk! It's time to dance! And the moose! We all hate you.

We all just theorize that you got dressed as a moose, and you got shot, and that's why you're leaving your house. Were you in a car accident? Was there a car problem? You could have done this a full hour ago? We hoped you were on the sidewalk. You saw an asshole dressed like a moose and everyone was fucking throwing camp. People were honking horns at you.

How's that moose driving? What happened? I had the thing on driving here. That's great. And I was yelling at people in the car, forgetting I had the, I thought I just had a hat on. And people were just like looking at me like this. I was flipping out.

Yeah, I'm late, I'm late. Cause there's traffic and shit. No, don't drink Magic, my man. Oh no, he's gonna leave again! He's like, fuck it, he's gone, dude. I knew it, I knew something was wrong. There's nothing wrong. Why are you this late?

Because the moose is on the loose, baby. The moose is on the loose. I'm back in. And you got to go where you go when you're needed. And I was needed somewhere else this morning. I needed to rouse some other podcast up. I had to stop by RU Garbage, because they run it low on juice.

And the moose. So you're late for our podcast. You're late for our podcast because you were doing our new garbage. The moose has to be where he's got to be. The moose is loose, dude. You don't fucking know. Were you doing our new garbage?

Buddy, I'm coming by Skanks tonight too. Woo! No you're not, dude. The moose is loose. He's not wrong. And he's got the juice. That's a serious costume. I could have stayed home this entire time.

No you couldn't. And just showed up for the last 20 minutes of a Vogue Day. It's pretty sick. Let's go two more hours. Fuck it. Let's do it. Let's do what you want to do every week. Fucking keep going.

Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Four hour regs with a Z cuz we're... Woo. I do want to do four hours all the time. Now Louis really hates Danny. Danny. Why do you hate Danny? Because he works for you, he doesn't work for us.

Danny likes you more than he likes me. No he doesn't. Pull me down on the road. He's ready to go. He pulled me aside and he goes, can I tell you something? You're not going to get mad at me? I was like, yeah, go ahead, I won't get mad at you. He goes, I really love Louis. No, Danny. He also pulled you aside and he goes, I I tell you something? You're not getting mad at me? I was like, yeah, go ahead, I won't get mad at you. He goes, I really love Louis.

You know, he doesn't like me. But I really care about him. He also pulled you aside and he goes, I just heard this joke where this guy said that women be shopping, and you can't stop a woman from shopping. I love the hoofs. I know, I like the hoofs.

I thought you had fingerless gloves on, and I was like, oh, you got into Jay's club. I was gonna dress as Jay last night. That would have been funny. When I was this close. God damn it, that would have been funny. Well, I was talking to Jay, and you know, I called him and I go,

dude, we gotta dress fucking stupid or fancy. Yeah. And he's like, yeah dude, I don't know what this thing is about dress. You're not supposed to talk about whose wedding this is, by the way. I didn't say, I didn't say. No, no, no, I'm warning you, I'm warning you.

I didn't say that. Yeah. Anyways, I said party. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't say anybody but he goes on we said wedding We said wedding. Oh, I didn't say any wedding. I said party party last night and Jay literally said this this came out of his mouth He goes dude. I don't know. What do you I don't know how to dress fucking weird. Well, I went what Why don't you just Monday? Yeah, I'll try Tuesday. Should we give him black lady eyes?

Girl, you been dressing weird. What's up everybody? Is that a brownie? Those are mousse snacks. Boo! This is terrible. The mousse is loose baby. I hate it.

Honestly, he feels emboldened and I like this. Is this what trans kids go? I'm sick. Yep, why are you sick? He's like very sick. Sick of what? I went to Tijuana and had a hooker. I mean. Is this what trans kids go? I'm sick. Why are you sick? He's like very sick. Sick of what? I went to Tijuana and had a hooker.

I had AIDS. He did a kissing booth at a whorehouse in Tijuana. Did you really go to Tijuana? I went to Tijuana. With your relatives? Moose is loose! Moose, moose, moose, moose, moose, moose. With a moose sound.

It's actually not that bad. Sha-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa. Hot dog, hot dog, hot dog, hot dog, moose. Joe is the word, I'll tell you why Joe sucks. I say Joe, meet me out, I want to bring the coffees in, that will be the whole bit. Doesn't answer his phone. Joe, where's your phone? Right here, charging.

Where? I got it right in my pocket. Why did you not answer your phone? His hands were full with coffees. I was walking with coffee, dude. You're a fucking asshole. Go relieve Charlie. See, I like Joe. Go relieve Charlie.

He's at my truck over across from Ben's. Joe, where's the brownie? Oh, it's my pocket. Ew. Joe, they told me they're never having brownies again. This is the last one they're gonna have. I know. Wait, what?

They're discontinuing? Yes. Why? Last brownie. I don't know, who gives a fuck? Joe. You're eating one. Yes. Why? Last brownie. I don't know who gives a fuck. Joe. You're eating one right now. It's not that good.

Our retarded friend. I wish your wife would discontinue brownies. Excuse me? Huh? Just throw the coffee in my face. Move it. Move it. Move it.

This new moose character is, it was fun at first. Very problematic now. Says the N word. This would be hilarious if I make it like this though. I gotta travel like Norma Chip. I gotta open an arena for you. Or I go, now that being said. Are you guys ready for the moose?

You know how many of these I fucking sell? We gotta tell them about Danny though and you're surprised. He had to have a speaker phone this fucking idiot. Yeah, he walked in, you were talking to him and then he walked in and he was like, oh, whoops. Danny, it's literally like this. You get mad at me for them, I get mad at me for them. Yeah.

They're stupid. I don't get mad at you. Danny, I learned something today that Danny's not on our side. Danny is your guy. Why is Danny, Danny's on the side of funny. Hey dude. Danny's not on the side of funny. No he's not. Danny Danny's on the side of funny? Hey, dude, he's not on the side of funny Lucky contestants gonna win $10,000 for a half-court shot.

Danny is very funny on stage. On stage he stinks. Listen, here's the thing. Why is he a traitor? I don't understand. Lewis, him and Lewis have crazy sexual tension. Well. This has just been happening all episode. Was he yelling at Danny?

I'm trying to help him. We asked where's Bobby and he's like, I'm not supposed to. Can I tell you why? Why? Because here's the thing. I'm's like, I'm not supposed to. Can I tell you why? Why? Because here's the thing. I'm running late, I know that. He's like, I'm like dude, wrestling bro, just let it go.

It's alright, if Lewis gets mad, he gets mad. But that's fine. The audience is going to get mad. The people that hate him are going to be like shut the fuck up. People that love him are going to be like fucking right, Lewis, let it play. Think about funny, don't think about Lewis punching you in the face and stepping on your fuck, curb stomping you. Just let it play.

That's what Lewis is thinking about right now. So sick. It is what it is. Dude, making Danny bite the curb and fucking killing him by stepping on the back of his head. Oh. I can't get my phone. That would rule.

Moose don't have phones. Moose don't have phone? No, dude. It better be made of caribou. I have 15 minutes left. You have 15 minutes? Why do you have a fucking hard up? Because I have to pick up James from school today. You got to take a, oh wow. All right, well I had to fucking leave last week because my wife was in a bush trying

to fill her fucking gas. We did an hour and 45 minutes of show. Hey, you're fine. First of all, I had to go. I had to go. Okay? I know. Agreed. Not only was I getting kind of shit. None for me.

You're preaching to the choir, brother. No shit for me. Listen to the tape. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were scared for him just like you are now. We were being hilarious. You were being a pussy. Well, once he was gone, I trashed him. What? What happened? Did you listen to the show, buddy? You did have the idea to text the coffee drink.

Did you listen to the show? Pretty funny. Why do you think I'm in this moose outfit? What? What happened? Did you listen to the show Bobby? You did have the idea to text the coffee drink. Did you listen to the show? Why do you think I'm in this moose outfit? I thought it was a thousand tweets. A thousand tweets in AI. People burn fucking an ocean worth of water making AI pictures of fucking Bobby as a moose. Yeah dude, I had to get the fuck...

Here's what fucking made me violently angry. I'm going to just be honest's what fucking made me violently angry. And I'm gonna just be honest, what violently made me angry. What was festering inside me. Let it out, brother. It was when I was like, get off your phone, get off your phone. I was, you were yelling, dude, she's fine.

It's just lights, right? Yeah. I was like, oh, okay. Stand by it. I got bitched out, right? Okay, my wife, who literally was like, I don't know what I'm doing. I have to get gasoline.

I'm just, there's six bears here, Bobby. I'm just pissed surrounding me. One of them's got munched up. Bobby, you shouldn't have made me dress up like a moose. Bobby, why you make me dress up like a deer? And then I look over at this fucking, the big, I mean, if you want a fucking, hypocrite is on his phone. Absolutely. On his phone absolutely don't his phone doesn't believe in ghosts believes in aliens text show me that

I don't believe in ghosts. I believe in aliens. I think that's what most smart people would say don't you think that ghosts might be aliens? Oh the moose thought Moose thought. These horns aren't just fucking cartilage baby. These brains and these horns. But you know moose, fun fact about moose. Bobby knows everything about moose now. Fun fact about moose, a lot of people don't know about my people. Only animal to eat pussy.

Moose, lot of people don't know about my people. Yeah, only animal to eat pussy Yeah, moose Hey producers bring that up in three episodes Yeah, bring up all-time coaching wins But I looked over at him and if I looked over and I'm like, what the fuck are you on your phone for? What was that my phone for your order box? Uber Eats you You're ordering yourself. Cause you wanted. I offered everybody.

But it doesn't matter. I was like, fucking fuck you. Hang up your phone. You yell at everybody for being on the phone. Can I tell you something? It was a funny moment. Can I tell you guys something? I don't like sick Louis.

I don't like his voice is off. It was a funny moment. You missed the whole Tijuana conversation. That's all right, I'll call you later. We'll talk. I'm gonna come over like this later. I'm gonna run around your neighborhood fucking going, Lewis sent me just to pump people up. I'm gonna ring doorbells, how was your day?

This is a funny prank, we should have you go swim in my pool in that and I'm gonna call like, the pool guy and I'll rescue some moose. I'll die, if this gets wet I'll just sink to the bottom. And you won't save me, you'll be on the phone with someone. There's no evidence that they perform oral sex. Thanks Danny. Yeah, but Danny, why don't you pull up the one that they do? I mean, I don't know if you're listening to Gnome and Dave Smith, but there's two sides

to every story. That is true. Gnome hates Dave. Wow. Does he really? No, he does not hate. I listened to his whole recap. Let me tell you something about it.

Gnome tweets at Dave like an internet troll daily. I'm like gnome How do you have so much time to be on Twitter? Oh? Snap back to reality. Oh there goes gravity folks small batch cigars. You love it Finally got my small batch. I am pumped about it all I drop all resentments this company fucking rules it night by the way I always knew they kicked ass. Yeah, it was just jealousy. It was jealousy. They're awesome. You know me. And here's the thing that's great about Small Batch for me.

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10, that's R-E-G-Z 10, discount for 10% off plus 5% reward points. My favorite, one of my favorite tweets in the last 10 years was you tweeting at Michael Rappaport. We're not even looking at him. He's on his phone. He's on his phone. Here's the evolution of it. I can see you.

Danny, here's the evolution of it. Noam says something to Dave. Dave says something back. And then Rappaport says something to Dave. I'm going to fight Rapaport. That's what I was just brought up. I said that was one of my... Why are you going to fight him?

Why? I'm not going to fight him. Well, he smacked Ari, and now he's talking shit about Dave's kids. So when I see Michael Rapaport, I promise you I'm going to make it weird with him. I'm not going to fight him. How are you going to make it weird? Louis wants to smoke. I absolutely...

He went hard on Ari. It was obnoxious, I thought. He smacked him in the face. He smacked Ari in the face. It's not hard. That's physical. I'm going to make him try to smack me in the face. You know what's funny about thatnoxious. He smacked him in the face. He smacked Ari in the face. It's not hard. That's physical. I'm going to make him try to smack me in the face. You know what's funny about that? Did he really smack Ari in the face?

He smacked Ari in the face, yeah. I don't know if I told you guys this, but at the time I was living. He said he was a wife beater? At the time, my apartment was on 23rd Street, and I was coming down to the standard-due spots. I was on the phone with my friend, and I walk out. And Michael Rapoport is on the corner of like 22nd fucking screaming into his phone. And I walk by him, and I'm on the phone with my buddy from Denver. And I go, I walked by Michael Rapoport is on the corner of like 20 second fucking screaming into his phone. Yeah. And I walk by him and I'm on the phone with my

buddy from Denver and I go, I walked by Michael Rapoport. Is that always the energy he has of just screaming into his phone? And then I get to the stand and they're like, Michael Rapoport just slapped Ari. I was like, oh, he's crying about it on 20 seconds. How did I miss the story? So he walked up to Ari at the stand. It was like talk shit now and then smacked him and Ari and then Ari did the age in a chaos thing and started laughing and was like, talk shit now, and then smacked him. And then Ari did the ageing or chaos thing and started laughing and being like, you've got to respect him for that.

More than getting hit back is somebody laughing when you hit them. That's crazy. I mean, that scares me. It's the scene from Fight Club. Let us have the basement say them. No, that's not the way you handle it. What's that?

You don't giggle when somebody slaps you. Buddy, yeah, 100%. If you slap somebody, it doesn't affect them. You suck all the power out of the slap. I guess. I guess already one minute. Yeah, dude. He's got a handprint on his to the fucking doctor to get this fucking. He goes, well, now I can't hear out of my right side.

It was worth laughing at. I left her in his face. We all know nobody respects somebody laughing more than this laugh. I mean, look, it's one way to handle it. But you don't, me and you can't control, they would expect that out of you, that you would fucking beat the shit out of him. Right, if he slapped you in the face, what would you do?

Oh, I'd fucking. Did he tweet it back? I'd bite his nose off. Did he tweet back at you? No, he knows better. You know what you should do? I really wanna see that, because I don't like him and I like you.

You should get him down to the ground, just grab his pants, take his cock out, and just start jerking him off. So, so, and he goes, he goes, yo man, what the, oh shit. Oh shit, oh, yo, my man, oh my man. My man is the best brains. Yo, I'm getting domed.

Yo, I'm getting domed from this Puerto Rican dude. That's what I'm saying about this shit. Yo, this dome feels so good. He's actually doing it, go free Palestine. Yeah, and he goes, yo, what you say, my man? Free Palestine. He goes, feels so good. He's actually doing it, go free Palestine. Yeah, and he goes, yo, what you say my man? Go free Palestine. He goes, oh, fuck. I just call him Michael Crappaport.

Nice. Got him. That hurts too. Yeah. The name's hurt. That's where it hurts. That one hurts, man. Don't do it. No, no, no, no, don't do it. They liked it. Don't do it.

They're not liking it, doesn't mean they left. Listen, who's they? They. No, a bomb is people. I identify as a man. I don't like that I finally have a nickname that he's been calling me anyways. Respect it.

You guys honestly just bringing it to the light? Dude, Bobby, you gotta own that nickname. You have the moose, the rattlesnake, the truth, and fucking. Big old big shit. I love that he just told me, you gotta own the moose thing. Is this not owning it, you fucking idiot?

I don't know if I could own it more. This is like a fucking. What did you rent that costume? I want it. I'm gonna own it. I got hoops. Perfect for Halloween. I got the one, huh?

Perfect for Halloween. Yeah, I'm gonna have to wear this at the fucking Christmas thing now, god damn it. Oh, 100%. They're gonna think you're a reindeer? You're like, I'm a moose, dude. God, dude, I don't fucking bring Santa around, okay? I fucking protect my healing that in the spring

and i thought you don't have a lot of time and then in the winter i thought that they had a pussy and i think that i have a good idea to go to tell you danny moosey pussy look it up he said you decided it is against me i think that he's just i think he's against all this is a very bad out is a fucking fed there was a we're gonna get a new producer no history of produces wanting out of the show I think Danny's just I think he's against all this. He's getting out. He's a fucking dead. Danny was out We're gonna get a new producer. No history of producers wanting out of this show

You got put on more weight, Danny. How did you get this number? You don't know who I am and you don't know what I'm capable of. Fuck soda and then move to the silent hemisphere. Scopo goes, hey, you don't know who I am either. And Deepu, I want you to move, buy a bus ticket to Baltimore tomorrow on this time. That was the funny thing. And Lauren was here too. Oh yeah, so yeah. Now you got nothing to say about that, do you guys?

She's nice. My best friend's wife. For our last night. Lovely, lovely woman. Yeah, she's one of those fucking people who literally upgraded her life and got out of the business. He goes, what is this country code? What is this country code calling me?

That's so funny. You don't know who I am. You don't know what I'm capable of. Lewis says five minutes. So what? No, we can keep going. We can keep going. No, I'd like to go and lose.

Keep going, dude. Come on. Joe goes, I put in a full show. I want to hear, why did you get sick? Did you get like fucking... I got sick on Thursday. Mexican jumping bug? No, just I started being more and more sick.

And then my buddy, I invited... Mexican jumping bugs. I invited my... Appreciate that. Ooh. Ooh. Ah. I invited my friend who's getting divorced

to San Diego for the weekend. Like party, no, no, no. A board trip. No, no, no. Jay's celebrating a divorce that should have happened 14 years ago. But then we went across the border, we went to Tijuana. Can I tell you about Tijuana?

Last time I went, we went out, we walked. Hong Kong, did you go to Hong Kong? Huh? Well no, I actually went to the men's sports club. Yeah. Supposedly. We had to take a cab outside the city, which was creepy fuck, and then you get in there

and it's just a house take a cab outside the city, which was creepy fuck, and then you get in there and it's just a house in Mexico, outside the city, and there was, you know that stair mass that you just step on? That one, and there was two dumbbells, a five pound and a 10 pound. I was like, where's the sports club? She goes, it's right there.

So it was like a little workout thing you could do if you wanted to. Then you go in the room with the girl She got fully naked sick starts 69 and put her vagina in my face But your mousse I know enough about it. You know you're gonna suck my pussy her pussy look like charades smalls mouth after five shows I've had whites in the corner and she goes looked back, she goes, go ahead, go ahead. I go, I'm good. And I just had a sit there while she sucked my dick.

This foamy, That's the first time Bobby's turned down something to eat. It was terrible. That's fucking. Yeah, it was bad. How was the beach though? Beach? Fucking thumbs up on the beach.

Mexican beach was great. Mexican beach is fantastic. Well they... Nah, I'm not gonna get to that. I'm gonna fucking stop. I gotta put the hoofs down on that one. I can't. This would have been so great an hour ago.

What are you fucking questioning? The tension. For our usage? Did you do garbage? Are you guys fucking retarded? No, I didn't go into RU garbage. I believe in ghosts. Why were you this late?

That was moose lore. No! Plot hole. Another moose lie. What are you a fucking, dude, what are you, you work, what's happening? You know I'm working now, it's a work, let's go. Oh, sorry brother.

You know, brother. Sorry brother. What's happening? Out of all people you should know. Sorry brother, I didn't know it was a work. I thought it was a shoot. I worked myself into a shoot, brother. This isn't a shoot. This is a work.

Louis is very very... Louis is sick man. He's obsessed. I'm feeling like the top of my mouth feels weird. Buddy, that's not good. That's the Mexican jumping big fucking bug. The top of your mouth feels weird? Yeah, that's fucking VD man. You got old school, you got 1980s AIDS. I didn't fuck a hooker. I didn't fuck a hooker. If Lewis got AIDS from fucking Mexico, that'd be fantastic. We just got your blood work done. Half your mustache just fell out.

Oh my god, he looks like Dallas Buyers Club on the next episode. Let me check the GPSC, how long it's going to take me to get home. Yeah, we got to extend this. This is too good. Buddy, did you really mess around with girls in there? No. No, he told the whole story. He went down there and he was sick and then, you know- Unbelievable.

Didn't really work out for him. Mexico's frightening. I mean, for him it's not. I can say that, I can say that in another five minutes. But for us it would be. I think it's more frightening for him. Why? He looks like a cartel leader.

Yeah, but then when he tries to get back in, me, us three are walking back in high five. Well, he can get back in. It was easy. It was easy to get back in me us three are walking back in high five My he can get back in it was easy It was easy to get in and out. Yeah, Mexico. I think Mexico Tijuana used to be fun though. You go down there I was so fun. I went to Rosalita. I went deep into Which is wild cuz it's buddy. It's fucking crazy. This place Hong Kong was pretty fucking It was it was like a strip club with just all these naked girls just dildo each other and fucking it was wild it was a wild time if I was

not saying they have a bucket of like cleaner for the dildos like when they go backstage they go like there's an old guy that's been doing it for 30 years he's a professional you can do it as fast as anybody whoo-hoo he goes you can get a lot to carry or a clean dildo they have a guy that comes up and he's like you know he's like he's like oh man I don't know who killed by the table come with me he's like really high energy is like look good dudes that are like hosts did you did you know you go I just have one I know how a sale happens you're not gonna get me to have a sale and then

tonight on skanks he goes our newest sponsor Hong Kong whorehouse and Tijuana pull up some pictures of Hong Kong I what are you doing why Hong Kong whorehouse in Tijuana. Pull up some pictures of Hong Kong. What are you doing? Why? Well you gotta say Hong Kong in Tijuana. These idiots are gonna show us fucking Asian roofs. They're bustling. They're gonna bring up Bruce Lee movies.

Oh! Whoa! That top left one's a painting. Are they that hot? They were pretty hot there was they went from it Why is your beds there because there's a fucking hotel upstairs? So you can take a nap? Hotel upstairs cuz they they tell you that All right, the one in the purple boots. I ain't mad at no

They're all listen to me they go from being like smoking hot like true dime pieces to being like, you know Dumpy Mexican chicks from the kitchen But they're all done up pretty is there a sliding scale of price. Yeah, like if you know, I didn't negotiate Yeah smoking hot chick and then Lewis's aunt is just sitting What are you doing here I teleport wherever Lewis's Pick the wrong time She uh, no. She, uh, no, but it was like they went from like, there was some girls that were like, what are you doing? Why don't marry a white guy and come to the United States? Like, let me take you out of

this. And she goes, honey, the cartels got its claws deep. I mean, that is that what it is? Is it? Yeah. Tell her these are, no, these are not kidnapped. They're not kidnapped probably from other places. Leave Probably from other places in Mexico. Buddy, you can't just fucking leave. I don't know if you know this, cartels aren't good dudes. They do a lot of fucking. Yeah, but if you get somebody who's making you

like a hot chick, making you a lot of money. That's what pimps is. If you get a good producer, you don't want to let them leave, right? You gotta keep them around. You gotta fucking, you know, and if they try to leave, then you fucking attack them physically.

Kill them and their family. Yeah. Lewis goes, I'm starting to see what these cartels are about. Pretty sick. All those girls are under cartel. All that whole thing is cartel. That thing ain't happening without the cartel getting a heavy slice of it.

Well, it's good that you go down there, though, because there was a minute where you couldn't go to Mexico or you'd get fucking beheaded. There was a moment where the University of Arizona, the University of Arizona State and Northern Arizona, because like spring break all those kids. I love the way you say Arizona. Arizona. Arizona.

They always, for spring break you go down to Rocky Point or you go to Nogales and they released like, this is like seven years ago, they go, hey, don't do that. All the colleges were like, don't go to Mexico on spring break. Yeah. Because they were just decapping. Everybody used to go to Acapulco.

I mean, when I was coming up, Cabo, Acapulco, that was the place to fucking go. And all spring break would go down there and then down at South Beach too. Those are the, Daytona was a big one. Yeah, Panama Beach. But yeah, now you can't, Acapulco, they were finding like beheaded fucking bodies on the beach. There used to be a rule that they wouldn't go to the resorts. If you were on the resorts, the cartel kind of made a deal

with Hilton and all that shit. We won't go, and then they started being like, nah. We're grabbing everybody. Fuck that. Yeah, it didn't feel dangerous, but people were warning me, being like, dude, don't fucking talk shit to anybody. Some guy just bumps into you, don't fuck. Oh, Louis fucking bumping into the wrong guy.

The cops though, the cops, they'll fucking, you can't fuck with them. Yeah, they'll take everything. They'll just take you, and there's nothing, there's nothing you can do about it. Yeah, they're like. Yeah, you can't do shit. What are you gonna do?

And you're like, you're being mean. Yeah, you can't do, and you gotta give them money to get the fuck out. Yeah. Yeah, that's like the Brazil cops do the same shit. When we were in Brazil, the big thing was. Oh, you guys' little hooker summer camp that you guys could go down there

and just have sex with a bunch of Brazilians. Fuck, don't knock it till you try it, you little fucking silly bitch. I wish we would've put together some trips like that five years ago. I know, dude, I'm so sorry we didn't do that. My God, 2018, I would've had a Brazilian hooker doggy. The hookers in Amsterdam are wildly hot.

But here's the thing with the hookers in Amsterdam. I stopped one time when I was smoking passionless Though their passion to get you in yeah, you're in the window in the hand and then you get in there They're like, let's go the chief. I was like wash your dick in the sink I was like the Montreal strip club wash my dick wash your pussy. I haven't fucked anybody dirty bitch You fuck 19 fucking dudes from yeah That actually makes me feel good the fact that she's making the guys wash their dicks because she doesn't want dirty dicks. Yeah, but it was a pedestal stink

and I couldn't get up there. My hog, I had to splash water on my little dick. Yeah, they, I don't know. I'm gonna Amsterdam. Amsterdam was good, but my funniest thing in Amsterdam when Patrice, first night there, he went into one, came out, didn't come. He's like, not the one.

Went into another one, came out, not the one. He's like, not the one. Went into another one, came out, not the one. He's like Goldilocks? Yeah, dude, he kept going into it. He goes, she sucks me too hard. She sucks me too soft. He went into this one across the street. All of a sudden, you see this almost like a middle-aged Dutch woman with her big, fat, goofy tits,

turned her sign to closed. And then he comes out, he goes, that's it It was just fucking blue as nothing, the fat one. He needed to go to the fat one. So funny. Yeah, me and Keith, we were there, the first second there, he goes, let's go player. We left our luggage. I'm putting on my cologne,

I'm gonna go and press some of these hookers. But we went to the wrong one. There's a local one in Amsterdam and then there's the tourist one. The tourist one has the hot chicks, The local ones, my chick had acne. It was fucking terrible. The first time I went to Amsterdam, I fucking, I probably had sex with three prostitutes.

And then the third one that I was with, I was fucking her and then I finished and I pulled out and there was blood all over the top of them. I guess she got her period in the middle of it. And she's like, oh, I'm sorry. And I was like, oh, I have AIDS. It's not real. I just would convince myself that I had AIDS.

We have a Dutch thing for that. It's called the Unstendingen. Now you have the Unstendingen. I got to run. Well, you got to run. You're going to run or you're going to walk? Hello. You want to run with you to pump you up?

Some moose humor. Hello. Come on to run with you to pump you up? Joke Bobby do your plugs already there are bugs buddy. Please just go to punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly That's it. The fucking moose is back, baby Moose is back, baby See you guys next I fucking love you Lou. Come Lou. I hate you. Come on, baby. Come on, give me a hug. Give me a hug. You don't want a hug? I'm sick.

Don't get mad at a moose. You can't stay mad at a moose. Oh! Moose law. Ah. Goodbye. Yeah, that's it. That clock's slow, too.