Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Nikki, Ryan, Bill and ?

Episode Date: August 6, 2012

Nikki Glaser, Ryan Hamilton and Mike Cannon sit in on YKWD. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un duvena que de madrinos lida. Número que de mal, amadri. Hey everybody, it's Monster Voice from... Shut up, Lewis!

Shut up, Lewis! If you're in East Providence, Rhode Island, on August 16th, go see Bobby Kelly at the Comedy Connection. Providence. Bobby Kelly will be at the Chikapi Comedy Connection. And Hukaloo, Hukalalu, Hukalah, fuck me running. That's August 17th. Then August 8th, Keith Boston.

The Wilbur Theater, 8 PM That's August 17th. Then August 18th, Boston. The Wilber Theater 8 p.m. Go see him, dude Shut up, Lewis. Go see Bobby Kelly live and listen to the you know what did podcast on riotcast.com Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Leriri. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Kreiser. Staying cookin' you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what dude? You know what dude? You know what dude?

You know what dude? You know what dude? You know what dude? You know what dude? You know what dude? You know what dude? You know what dude? You know what dude?

You know what dude? You know what I mean? I'm just thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking Yeah, fans all for all of our art. Is it real? Yes, yes it is. Oh god, I told you to get a new fucking accent. Thank you. I hate the accent. Ah, someone helped me. You helped you. You're the fucking person that people would go to.

I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you. You can even be my normal accent on my American accent. That fan's on. You care? No, no, those fans don't make a lot of noise.

Those, those a little baby fans. Okay. That's for his, that the person who sits there doesn't get that much, no, those fans don't make a lot of noise. Those, those are little baby fans. Okay. That's for his, that the person who sits there doesn't get that much fannage. How you feel, and every comfortable? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. We, we, we gonna go around the room and we're gonna, this, we're gonna open the show. Oh my God. We're gonna go around the room. And introduce ourselves. We'll start with me. Hi, I'm Robert Kelly.

I am the host of the You Know What? Podcast. Um, and that's it. Go ahead. My name is Ryan. This is my second time on the podcast. Oh, Ryan, what? Hamilton. Okay, give me the full name. Yeah. I'm very happy to be here. You're not that famous where you can just say I'm Ryan. All it's not like you just go I'm dain and people will go oh we know This is this is Chris. Oh, you mean rock You're Ryan How many Ryan's do you know I know me none right? I know you as a comic But the people listening fucking you know, dude that was in blade

Ryan style There are a million Ryan's out there. It's a valid point. It's a valid point. I can see it. Yeah, they can Ryan Hamilton Yeah, they yes, you're around Hamilton And then we have hi, I'm Nikki Glaser and it's good to have, this is the suicide prevention comedy tour. We're not together. Oh, that's right.

That's the last time we were all together, you mean? Yeah, that's right. Oh yeah, we got a fuck. None of us have killed ourselves. No, we almost did that night. When we showed up at that fucking that hotel Looking out to that fucking bleak beach That fucking stupid pool and that was the show where the host started doing suicide jokes for a benefit for

Yeah, you know, this is what's this is what's freaking me out Kelly. You're fucking dumb leg pot. Why are you shaking? Are you on coke? I had a lot of coffee today. I mean, I'm some sick, so I had a lot of coffee. You literally put the Sharpie down first of all. You're scaring me, okay? I feel like I'm gonna have a hot attack when I chew on your caffeine. Yeah, listen, you fucking knees tap and you fucking playing with a Sharpie. I'm not smiling.

Yeah, just, I like relaxed Kelly. I'm not here yet, but I want you to introduce yourself. Go ahead, we'll go this way now. Aw, okay, Kelly. Just say, Kelly, everybody knows you. Why don't you do yourself? This is Mike Cannon. Yep.

Bobby has no idea who I am. Well, here's the thing about this show is that sometimes we'll just let people come on. I mean, he was sitting in a chair. You're going to be doing tech talk with me today. He's got some good stuff for me. Well, you know what, a little fucking Christian is on punishment.

Or he actually couldn't do it. But I say punishment. This motherfucker shows up late last week and with nothing. He's supposed to do tech talk with me. We're a tech guy. Yeah, he does the tech talk, but he didn't show up and then he showed up with like, an opinion. Don't fuck yourself up. Come with something.

And then last but not least, Bill Dawes, I'm a spellet because no one knows who the fuck I am. This is with the DAWES. And I'm here because I bumped into you when your dogs were taking a shit last night. Yeah, they took a shit. One was taking a shit. Well, you're a friend of a,

you've actually before Kelly, you've been on this show. You were, yeah, you were on the show with me when I was at the house when we first started doing it. We did it on the iPhone. That's right. One time when we did back, he did the show when we used to do it on my iPhone in my house. And he came over. Just changed smoking.

Yeah, just changed smoking. Almost a year off cigarettes come August something. So nice. Be a year off of cigarettes. And yeah, you were on it and he was very mediocre. Yeah That's what the fans said fans my the fans did not like Bill You and Joe I was in college and me my bicep circle jerk and then you'd be like, okay, let's talk MMA Bill Who do you think is gonna win the fight?

I was like the whole thing I know you know when they did like you though, when we brought you back on and we told you that they didn't like you. And then you showed us a picture of you. He goes like this, I got an average penis. Then he showed, he literally had a picture of it. And it's fucking ginormous. What?

Yeah, you know the thing holding a mic up right now? Same size. His dick. I would suck his dick. That's how pretty and nice it was not even first take it was Don't say that around Australian women there's Geez in a good way in a good I am I love when people

No, I'm the Australian women's a horish. Yes, I only went on holidays, but I live here So I'm not like that. Oh, but the ones that hold it I see are the fucking sluts the drunk hang on It's easy that for a good time. Hey, come on. Oh, yeah, you are a fucking slub. Yeah, yes you are I have I'll show you want to show you things I have on you. I have stuff on you. I absolutely Oh my god, you don't think I have, tell me honestly right now, I want you to look at me. I, you go, Bobby, fuck you, you got nothing.

Oh, you go, I'm sorry, Bobby. What's the rush? This is your choice right now. This is your choice. Either fuck you, I got nothing. Yeah, yeah, think. I'm gonna tell you everything. Then now, you, you have it.

So it's gonna be fun. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you're a young now you have it. You have it. It's gonna be fun. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you're a young comic in the business in New York City. I got, I got, I got some stories behind them. I'm kidding. I actually was, you're doing these auditions today, right?

Yeah. And this girl came in and she goes, this is the worst ever. She goes, I remember you hot blonde, like used to be hotter, but hot still, but not as hot, you know, like definitely fucking, is, you know, one across the country a few times, time's trying to make it.

Yeah. It comes to LA, you gotta be in LA, go back to New York, you gotta be in LA, if you wanna make it, let's go back to New York and try this one more time. Um. She walks in and she goes, I met you. And I was like, oh, fuck me.

Did I, did I, did I? Back when I was a, when I was a hunk of garbage, did I? And I was like, I don't think so, because I never bet you're pretty hot. I don't, I don't remember, you, I'd remember. I banged a lot of fucking fives. Yeah, yeah. Like, are you saying this out loud or? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,ed a lot of fucking fives. Yeah, yeah. Are you saying this out loud or?

No, no. This is loud. That was his sleep. This is the skinny Bobby is in the last looking 90s. That's a great CD name. That's a great hour special. The ass-licking 90s. No, I, I, I, I wasn't saying that a lot, but it was in my house,

I got a fuck made, right? Because you want to form a couple of people. And she goes, I was sitting down with the comic, and you walked up, me and my girlfriend were sitting down with this comic, and you walked up, and just out of the blue, you go, look, they're not gonna fuck you, so let's just get the fuck out of it. It's not happening, trust me, so let's just go and the guy wanted to believe me with me

and it was Steve Verne. Wow. Yeah, he was trying to hook up with these bras way back in the day and I walked up I go I looked at her she was smoking I probably went it's not fucking happen. There's no way she's banging in Asian so let's beat it. But yeah fucking a man I hate that when people you know you hate that too because you There's no way she's banging an Asian. So let's beat it. But, uh, yeah, fucking A, man. I hate that when people, you know, you hate that too, because you're a fucking scumbag.

What? Oh, all right. Yeah. Come on, the other one with a massive cut that you're showing everybody. He didn't show everybody. You showed me a derosa. You're making the early press in your shirt, is he?

Well, Derosa pulled on a picture his day, which is surprisingly, it's not bad. I mean, it's not good, but it's not By the way, what was that he's Bodies that texted me a picture last night and it looked like literally like something out of alien It was kind of like this weird. It's on my Instagram if you want to see it is it your balls I will not tell people what it is some people have congratulated me on a fucking baby. Some people thought it was my ball. Some people thought it was slippers. So I took a picture of something and I put a lot of filters through it and I might have turned it upside down, sideways and I put it on my Instagram. And art is what you

And I put it on my Instagram and art is art is what you yeah That's my theory that was my point behind the photo was art is what which is code for it's your balls. No, I don't know You don't know what it is. I don't know what it is nobody will know you it's for you That's like that's like fucking John mayor saying I wrote this song about this and then that fucks you up because you thought it was about this. Now he's pretty clear cut on what he's talking. There's no like your body is a wonderland pretty much. Yeah. Yeah his song is mystery. Yeah his songs are pretty much like I fucked over and it's Genevieve Anderson. Yep. Ha break. Alright anyways I'm not gonna say. Ryan you got any dick pics for us? No I don't, I don't do that. All right, maybe I'm okay.

Did you think that I would? I don't, I'm asking. Been Ryan, can I ask you a real question? I don't know, what is it? Do you, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. Is it not? Did you, do you have a nice piece? I knew that was going to be the question. I should have just said no, you can't ask me a question. I just want to know, do you have, is it a big piece or a regular piece? Do you have a regular or an average?

You have one, you have A, B or C. A being big, B being regular, and C being I. I think think B you have just a regular Yeah, I five kid I'm with you I want to see Bill show the picture Yeah, she already does well I you do I'll tell you what give me the phone No, I'll give you my phone by tell you what When my ex-girlfriend Mandy member who I we had the whole cheating thing with right after her

I never got P.N.s pictures again because she like and scared me out Just take it out who gives a fuck running apartment Weddy it's like oh I don't want to say three days show us the the fucking picture. If I had a picture of my phone and my pants, I'd swear I don't know. Go listen, I want you to go on the bathroom and take a picture of your dick. Right now. But you can't be flaccid. You got to get some fluffage going.

Well, Nicky, will you be coming there with me in the bathroom? Ah, I'm not on holiday. Why am I supposed to ask the Australian thing? It would have been funnier if you said, what's your name again? Mike. Mike. I feel bad for Mike because I fucker. I will not get your name. I will. Yeah he did. Yeah. Oh, Kelly. Look at Kelly fucking. Kelly's the pro. That's good baby. Good for you. I

like the way you do that. Did you do that because that turned you on to on a young comic eat the mic? Put that on. Yeah, you already opened the mic or put it in your face, huh? That wasn't that bad. I like that accent better than your other fucking shit accent. I'm working on it.

Actually, I like it better than your real accent. Yeah, I had fucking stints. And I used to eat. Linda's actually taking photos today. She looks good, right? Yeah, you look really good. Yeah, right. Linda always looks pretty.

I know, always. Do you date white guys? Yeah, that's all she does. Yeah, she's actually racist against real people. I don't know. She actually has a tattoo that she says I hate black people. I don't like him talking to Linda.

I only like, I don't know what Ryan had talked to Linda because she's a nice girl and I think Ryan's a good guy. Oh, you are to my my asshole. Why you? No, not an asshole, but I don't think you treat her right. I would treat her so right See what he said that Get off me you're on my anchor. I like that actually got me a little chubby What I sense you don't you I think I sense you Shut up I sense you don't you I think I sense you shut up. I sense that you don't you don't like Bill slimy ways I sense that I sense it just is that true

Seriously, well the one I'm meeting when I met you downstairs the first thing you said I was like hi, Kelly anyway You suck my cock I said I said I said well you I looked up cuz I was was taking it off my fruit boots. I look up like I go you're very pretty. That's not creepy to say you're very pretty. It's nice. I didn't go like look at the tits on this Aussie. I didn't say that. Not out of the way because she hadn't spoken yet. Yeah, yeah, first of all. That would have been like a really good point. Yeah, first of all, you have those tits fall to the ground and the real. She was 300 pounds. First of all, you have those tits fall to the ground and they're real she was 300 pounds Yeah, 300 pounds. Yeah, I'm kidding Nikki You know I didn't know which is bigger I heard

It was a bunch of 80s. That's the genuine disgust on your face. I was just looking. How'd you lose it? How'd I lose it, Bob? By her asshole fucking failed. We went through this. There's many fucking cartoonists in Germany that Dr. Kelly's bloody asshole.

Her eating koala bass. Yeah, she, uh-huh. I got an anal phisia and I hate the way- Wait no, this is an anal phisia? Yeah, like a tear inside your asshole and I couldn't eat probably for about six months. That's sound. This is what- and this is what I will never ever ever ever ever ever. I learned that the first day. I will never ever ever think of her sexually.

Now I know the picture that you sent me, that's what it was. Is your anal phisia, wasn't it?'t it no no can you give them that bad day and I don't this bad day and I don't make me gag me no anybody who throws a nice bomb on the show has to wrap that around that microphone yeah I have a ton of not wrap it around there so we know who who said the last stanker it was you around the bottom oh god you are really dumb do me a favor wrap it around there. So we know who who said the last stinker it was you around the bottom Oh god, you are really dumb Do me a favor wrap it around your neck and fucking jump off that fucking stairwell Yeah, make sure you tie it that's gonna be there for a while, buddy, so just tie it up now. So anyways, oh That almost went back to you

I nearly stopped at my throat and I'm like you go on don't stop don't look back So Kelly him saying that you're very pretty was like a little bit like, all right. Well, I, yeah, yeah, no, it wasn't like creep, it was more like, just say hello first. Yes, just say hello. I said hello. I said hello. I said I'm Kelly. Stop, stop, stop.

First of all, Nikki, wait a second. You had his back a second ago. I did, but now I get it. Yeah. You get what? That it's nice to be called pretty, but like the first thing, I said my name is Kelly, and I expected to say, oh, hi, I'm like second.

You know what I mean? I had my hand out to shake. Right. And I got it. Oh, you're very pretty. Can I defend myself? Like, he's surprised. You know what?

I want to say something. Yeah. All right. All right, fucking hang on vaginas. Yeah, this is the first time, first of all, that can be your CD name. First of all, this is the first time I've had three women on the show. Really? What about when Dan and Joe were on? What about that time? Ryan.

First of all, I think I deserve it. No, I actually, because I deserve it for doing such a hat job. You looked at me. You looked at me. Like, do the thing that I just was told you to do. Ellie, we're a comedy wife, husband, team. Listen, I'm kind of agreeing with it. She had her hand out.

No, no, shut up. Shut up. I'm gonna let you defend yourself. Hang on one second. All right. She had her hand out. Hey, hello, my name's Kelly. And you looked up and just said, you're pretty and then trick her hand.

It said, I'm Bill Dawes. No, this is what happened. Okay. No, Kelly, Kelly's this history on. Revision his history. That's when I was somebody taking off my parole role. I was taking off my parole role. Now I know what the fans don't like you.

We're already talking. We're already talking. Go, hey, I'm sorry, you guys got changed. She says, well, we're upstairs. And I take off my shoes and I go, we've been talking for 10 seconds and I look up and I go, oh, hey, wow, you're very pretty. She didn't look at her for 10 seconds. Because I'm too high. She's, I'm taking off my shoes and I go, we've been talking for 10 seconds and I look up and I go, oh hey, wow, you're very pretty. She didn't look at her for 10 seconds.

Because I'm taking off my shoes. I'm taking off my shoes. I'm changing my shoes. I'm hanging on. Hang on, hang on, Bill. That's like in a romantic comedy, that's a moment where she looks up. Yeah, in a romantic comedy,

when I'm like dropping my shopping bag over the floor and I look up. Yeah, exactly. Definitely a romantic comedy too. When you've got out the girl you love has anal fishers and you have to pick between a regular girl who doesn't and then this fucking one that you're really connected with that has a bloody asshole and used to be 800 pounds. I'm sorry, not 800. You were big though. Yeah, I was big. You know, I like you when you're a fat.

I did. I didn't like me when I was fat. I want pictures of that. Were you fat here? Yeah, I was big. You know, I like you when you're fat. Yeah, I did. I didn't like me when I was fat. I want pictures of that. Were you fat here? Yeah, I was fat here. I only a few, not here on the podcast. No, I wouldn't allow a fat chick. I don't allow a fat chick on the podcast. I didn't think you were that kind of person. But the sign on the door, no fat is allowed.

No, except for me. Because you're the best. Not anymore. No, only a few people know me, only a few comics. Because I started getting skinny around five, six months in. Right, right, right. But I actually hunted them down one time. Yeah.

I went on our Facebook, and if you click, like seven, it takes around seven days to get to it. But if you keep clicking on those photos to the right, you're all of a sudden there's one. She's eating a piece of cake. You can slowly see her get fat. My Facebook abyss. Yeah, she has chips and it's younger and better.

Yeah, the last, the last. The last glasses for these. The last, the last photo. She's actually in the bushes just with ripping a fucking kangaroo in half. I'm eating it. I'm feeling down my mouth. So, I mean, here's the thing though. It's funny how like a guy and I look we we don't have a fuck what's up?

What's going on? How you doing blah blah blah blah? But a girl gets offended pretty I mean if you hang on You look up the first thing you give her a compliment. It is fucking weird that that would fuck you up But is it because of not okay? Say there's a guy like Ryan who's a nice guy has a different demeanor isn't as fucking physically Yep Bobby who doesn't work out as much as bill Okay, no, not at all right, and he he looks up and says hey hey, you're very pretty. That probably wouldn't fuck you up, but it's because of this tight t-shirt wearing fucking a doneness. It's a rainbow t-shirt.

Come on, that's pretty good. Yeah, but it's a rollerblade. I'm a rollerblade and a rainbow t-shirt. And I'm intimidating as a pilot. I'll tell you what, it's your rounded shoulders. You make me sick. You're a good looking ginger, and that's just, oh my, what is that? I got hit by a car.

My shoulder is off my... What? What the lap, that's on a bone? I'm gonna throw up. All right, stop. Oh my gosh. What's your average? What's average?

It's just average. What's average? It's not that big. No. Oh, okay. Let me just go. Thank you for the scar. Ah!

Sorry, Nicky, I wasn't paying attention people I love when people give themselves That's funny give me the fuck You could have totally got away with that You and you have so much pride in your comedy that you were like no, I'm taking I mean like okay, let's talk about this let's let's see if i can let's see if i can swindle this fucking segue rape ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you find that, did you understand where this girl was coming from at all? When, we'll talk about Daniel Tosh,

when he actually said, I hope five guys come in and rape you to this girl. Do you understand, as a comic, or do you understand, as a woman or both? Comic, both. Both, really? Oh, as a woman, first, my first reaction was complete woman.

Like, if someone said that, I know that there weren't five guys waiting there. He wasn't really a seven group. FYI, we found five guys. They were outside. In the back, Jamie, my body, I got five guys today whoever you are. I love you, Todd. Daniel, you're a joke. You're a 10 set. You're family. Family. Yeah, I think that that is one of the worst things I've ever heard set, like to say, wouldn't it be funny if five guys gang raped you right now

Like let's get that together like that is the worst thing I've ever heard But it's not me do a kind of point. I understand where it came from yeah on his end So I you know I'm on both sides. I was blogged from the audience members friend Who didn't even say it didn't wasn't even direct quotes? It was just like I don't know what exactly He said there was something to the effect of and that was it. So it was just hearsay from a third. Okay, but it just, Mike. Okay, every time you talk,

you have to go, this is Mike. Oh, let the hazing begin. Yes, I need you to say that, because I was looking at Bill and his mouth wasn't moving, and it freaked me out. And Ryan was just smiling. I had smile, but I went up.

So what happened that night was Daniel was killing. You were there. Yes. Daniel's there. You were there? Yes. This is breaking news. Oh, sorry. Breaking news.

Kelly, hit the breaking news. Hey. You literally were there. Nothing. Yeah. So Tosh says in his, Tosh says in his head. Hang on, stop. Slow down.

I need to take a troll over this. First of all, hold. What just happened? Okay, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I Oh God. I'm gonna use it to go back to Qt to go reset. So you were at the, you were there that night when it happened. I was watching while. I was watching while. First of all, there are every, like any kind of works that factory in LA was there.

I need, I need you to do one thing. First of all, I need something to be over your shoulder because I'm gonna throw up. I now that I didn't notice it. The bandana. No, no. What do you hate about him? The shoulder thing that's popping out.

That's a nice chunk. Can you fix that? No. People like, could you pop it back in? Like, Mel Gibson and lethal weapon, I'm like, no, you're right. What's gonna happen? It's, it have to get a surgery and get reattached. Dude, I'm gonna throw up.

Really? Yeah, just sit differently. Yeah. You're blessing me. Wow. All right, go ahead. So, so you're at the lab. You're there that night. All right, go ahead. So you're at the lab. You're there that night.

Yeah. Who's around? Who's there? You know, Dalyah. Name-match. Uh, uh, Ian Edwards. Um, I think Brody was there. I mean, just like, you know, the regular Jeremy Hotsis.

What, what, what, what, what was it? Sorry, Nate. So, uh, he goes, Jeremy was was oh, this is terrible They're sending women all over all God right now I believe you with it so I took it so he goes he has the thing is I could go is he goes if you've ever said Blank isn't funny. I hate you to the core of my soul if you ever said anything isn't fine Like blank isn't funny and then so she yelled out woman the balcony goes out rape isn't funny he goes he goes you go you proved my point I hate you to the core of my soul everyone laughs and she was it's not funny and he goes well it would be funny five guys got it right now and just

gang rape you're like right now they got up now I agree with Nikki that isn't funny that's not particularly like responsible but he should he's guilty for saying an unfunny fucking off the cuff in prompube joke he's not particularly like responsible. But he's guilty for saying an unfunny fucking off the cuff in Promptu Joe. He's not guilty for promoting rape culture or being a rape apologist. Is there a culture that rapists can join? There's a museum, I guess you can go to.

There is. There is a magazine, I don't know. There's a rape culture, like is there a tribe in like Amazon that just wouldn't, what do you mean rape culture? That's a people saying this too, that we live in a rape culture. I don't really understand what that means.

I don't get a day that that's scary. I think it's means that like rape is hot in our like like we kind of. I hope you guys know it's not because when you type when you type rape into Google it's nothing comes up. Except bad shit. No. None of the good rape stuff comes up. I don't have any internet.

I would look it up for you. You know when the ladies home alone and the guy comes in with a mask and it's a dull Bad shit You know when the ladies home alone the guy comes with a mask and it's a dull night Yeah, good rape like date rape when they good dinner a good movie and then the rape happens you know me Okay, I'll take the scar Right Right I love the Nikki doesn't like you so she went no I'm gonna I don't want you to have this fun little fucking you shit the bed scar I'll keep it. I'm going

Me meanwhile this girl and they stayed for the whole show they didn't She saved it all show and afterwards one to Jamie Masada and said you know it was offensive when he did that and she complained Afterwards, so she got like free tickets towards one to Jamie Masada and said, you know, it was offensive when he did that and she complained afterwards. So she got like free tickets. So that's what happened. It wasn't like she's like, oh my God, when she said I was afraid for my safety, she just did that to galvanize the fucking

Yip Yap Vag community to get behind her. Because it's both. Hang on, what are the community? Is this the Yip Yap Vag? It's an opposite rape culture. So wait a minute, there's a rape culture and a Yip Yap Vag, give me a minute. There's a rape culture and a yip-yap fads How do you join the

Because you have pussy have to be able to go hip-yap I think you had like eat out of girl in college Okay, yeah, okay, if somebody doesn't take that Twitter name there fucking If I don't see at yip-yap vatch You're a fucking idiot and I want to hear from you. You should stock Bill Dawes and just say shit to him all day. What are you doing? What are you thinking? What are you doing? What are you thinking?

I am the E.E.P.Y.P.Vatch. I'm going to be. Go ahead. So she basically, she sat there. She's a heckle. She started it with a heckle. Right. But he was like, he goes, if you ever said blank isn't funny, so we kind of open it up

and then she said, rapes isn't funny. It's not a heckle. It's really like he goes if you ever said blank isn't funny so we can open it up and then she said rapes and fun it's not a heckle it's really she he asked a question yeah exactly that heckle is when you're in a joke and it's a set-up punch tag and someone yells something out in the middle of it or at the end of it is a heckle yeah when you say blah blah blah blah blah and the audience actually answers you because you asked them a question that's not a heckle that's a response yeah he didn't ask the question that was the most intelligent thing i've ever said on the show we have a whole lot of

uh... is really uh... thank you yeah so he put it out there and she said he didn't mean he should be he should get the bandana basically he said something stupid it wasn't funny was off the cuff and people are like oh he does he did rape jokes before and they would post his silly string pepper spray rape joke We're just fucking hilarious

Which he goes me my sister play pranks one time I replaced with pepper spray was silly string and that night She got raped. He was so funny. He's like, oh, Dan you know how you know. I'm gonna get you back That's funny joke right and people like look at him. That's funny. It's a pretty funny joke. Right, and people are like, look at him. He's awful. Meanwhile, that's a funny joke. He was, he did an unfunny rape joke, so that's all this. I'm gonna get a letter about that fucking burp. That's how fucked up this society is.

Somebody who loves this podcast, gonna do it. I love the show, man. Everybody's gonna, you know, you burp the other day. And fucking dead. Yeah, you fucking dead man. The burp and dead. Dude, we have to burp on there. Come on. I hate it. I hate it. And fucking We have to burp on there. Come on. I hate it. I hate your fucking radio Learn a new one. I want a fucking long island

Helper No, that one's the same as the other one She's on her own. Oh, that's good. No, that one's the same as the other one. I want a new voice out of you you mother fucker. What's your name again? Mike? Just check it. I love the guy from Boston is ripping on people's accents. That is the war as a woman. That's a most terrible accent. As a member of the Vetch community. I'm offended. Why you say Roryma fends me. I want, right now, I think Kelly should be the president of the YEP Vetch. And I think Nikki, what do you want to do? Secretary. Secretary. She'll be falling her nails. Should they all be secretaries. Yeah. I was reached for the man.

No, no, no, no. I was just getting that away. That was fantastic. That was good. That was a good fucking nice male show with a fucking massage and he's like, you are a massageanistic pig. Um, that's just a yes.

No, no, because I feel like I think women are superior. 100%. I can... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I do I do I really do I love That was the most genuine You really think we're superior

I okay, I don't She's not gonna fuck you Bobby I don't, I really don't I really do I'm married and I know she's not I think there's things that she does it's way better than me But you know what, if the fucking house crumbles,

if she needs help, carrying groceries, if the fucking something goes down, I'm there. She can, I can always do what she does, except have a baby. She can't always do what I do. That's just the way it is. I am there for her.

And look it, look it. I'm not saying that women should be beating over the head with clubs anymore. Any myths. Or raped. I'm not saying that. You gotta get a thank you for that. I mean, that's cutting it to information.

You really? You really? People are so regressive. People shouldn't be raped. What are we? Thank you, Ryan. I'm the club. I've learned. I shouldn't be raped. What are we? Thank you, Ryan. I'm the club. I've learned.

I've given up class. Here's the thing is, I used to be like you, dude. I really did. I don't know. You were worse than me. Way worse than me. Back when you were a pretty boy, like a boy band member. K-bobby.

No, I was actually better than you, because my one flaw when I used to be a pig, and I was a misogynistic fucking dirtball just getting blown and pussy and that's all I was cared about was pussy was that I cared about the girls. I would I would be in relationships a little longer than I probably should have been because I didn't want to hurt her feelings of fuck with her. You're the type of guy that you're hang on.

You see exactly exactly. No, I was where I you know I was brought up by women, my mom, my sister, my grandmother. So I didn't have that ability to go fucking come in a check on her face and then walk away forever. I would, I would actually get into relationship with them and it would be more romantic than it would be fucking, which was a downfall and put me in a more of a jam

At the end of it where it would have been better for her if I did just fuck her and leave I actually made I gave her hope I gave her something that maybe we'll be together and it's not gonna happen But here's a difference you you're one of these guys who did the two guys and the girl like which I always think is gay sex Two guys But you do like the I for power and the walrus you get like walrus I was I was sexually, but then he would stay in a relationship with that Actually, I would I actually got no fight with a girl one night I caught her the night before she was blowing me in my friend

Okay, because it was one of my fantasies. I was into it and it was you know what it was I found out through therapy six years of therapy that I didn't trust, because it was one of my fantasies, I was into it. And it was, you know what it was? I found out through therapy, six years of therapy that I didn't trust women because I was fucking crushed by, you know, my mom, all these women in my life. And then women, when I started dating them, I got fucked over. So I didn't trust them. So here it is. I know you're a piece of shit. I know you're gonna fucking, I know that you're like me. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna, well, I'm gonna get you to try to suck my friend's dick and you gonna know, and now you prove me right, you're, now I,

now I know I don't have to be with you. Because you sucked, so we had no fight. I came out, she was giving God free her number. As I just came off of the boss and doing a set, I walked out, I expect that from God free. I was like, dude, go fuck yourself. I get it, she was smoking hot. And I go, now you're his.

And I walked away. And she was flipping out. Yeah. Flit like you, I sucked. I was sucking your friends dick, exactly. Exactly. And this is what you are. And I did that to one girl I remember.

And she never talked to me again. I ever talked to me again, because she really liked me and she wasn't a fucking piece of shit. But you sent her up to suck your friend's dick and then she said, what the hell is this? She's like, yeah, exactly, yeah. Like, it was just my way of proving my fears before I got into, I was petrified of women, okay?

Because getting into relationship with a woman is a fucking total gamble. And it took me to the point where I had to lose this girl who I thought was gonna be the one, you know, and it fell into that Madonna horror thing to where, you know, my wife now, it's like, I can't do that with my wife because I love her. It's a fuck off.

It was, I didn't want to fucking, I didn't want to prove her right. You know what I mean? And it got to the point where I was like, look, I'm gonna lose her or you have to fucking change. And I was like, fuck it, I'm gonna change. And I changed, I just fucking changed. Not overnight, trust me, not overnight.

And I'm still a fuck up. The things that I jerk off to and the things that I I flirt with or tease with I'm still a fuck up But I I'm a little more I'm open with it and I go to therapy every week and I'm a hundred percent honest about it So I can fucking yeah now it's weird like I'm in Vegas and you'll try to connect when I get lonely I fucked up and there's a girl like oh my god. Hey, I love big fan, I can connect to my wife's smile. Or when we laugh that week, or something that we did, that I got a fuck, I'm never gonna have this with you. I know that. I'm never going to have this.

So fuck that, because I've been through it all. I think that a guy like you, you have to do and be where you're at. You have to be a piece of shit like you are. Oh man, did you know this was kind of... I have no idea. It's an intervention of the sun. Yeah, I know I do. You're never gonna look back.

You're gonna need to bang all these fucking brods and you're gonna look back one day and go, fuck. I had to do all this to get to you. Yeah. Because you're something you actually won't put up with my shit. You actually want me to change you, you're fucking bailing. Or you're just gonna be one of those guys in this 50s doing comedy and trying to get his dick sucked by a fucking waitress. Kill me if that happens. Well, I mean, look man, I don't, I don't fucking, I don't hate anybody for being what you are. I don't give a fuck if that's what you are. Go ahead. But it is, I mean, it is kinda, you look at some dude,

who's balding, he's in his 50s, and he's got white stuff in the corner of his mouth, when he talks, and then this, okay, stop, that's fucked up. But then there's always some little fucking horror bag who's gonna suck his dick. There's always, there's always, it's two to tango, there's always some chick with fucking low self-esteem with daddy Issues gonna blow this fucking guy and keep it going. It's not just us It's you know you guys too when you met your chip when you met your wife

Where you where you still a fuck up when you met her or you on your way? Absolutely no way. I was yeah, I was looking at a while to get Yeah, you guys kind of broke up and go back together Yeah, yeah, we broke up a bunch of time. She moved away. She moved LA Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I mean look you're how old are you? I'm getting close to 40 so I'm getting up there. So you're you live in I'm hang on you live in LA Yeah, just say that when you when you ask somebody their age And they go out as a man as women I get but as a guy if you don't go do it. I'm fucking 39

You're a fuck you the live fucking 39, you're the living LA or you're an asshole. Which is usually both. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, fuck, I'm 42, going on, I'm 41, going on 42. What's wrong with you? How old are you, whatever your name is? 27.

27, what's his name? How old are you, Ryan? 36. 36. I've been with my girl probably just as long as you've been with your wife though. I've been with my girl. Ever say that

I dare you You don't ever look me in the eye and say my wife There is something about when someone says how's your wife and makes me like leave fucking her What is that man? Like if you have a if you ever, do tell your wife I said, that would offend me. I'd be like, she's blowing. I'd be like, she's blowing a bill.

Yeah, she's blowing a bill. I want you to call my wife, Joe, from now on. Joe. Yeah, Joe, or Mike. Okay. Have you ever rolled a light bean? By the way, why do you assume, I'm seeing you about a year, why do you assume I'm still a scumbag?

Why didn't I have a Robert Kelly transformation and I'm like, all legit now? How could you not assume that? You hit on her you tried to pick up on fucking Linda and then you totally got fucking fucked up with with Nikki Who's a little alpha like you and tell you to go fuck yourself? You automatically have some shit going on here by the way. I have nothing good. I mean her just cool You know what Nikki very pretty Finally She likes me again. I can't wait until you and Nikki fuck

The tensions a minute like we're related though. I hope I hope you guys really bang it out And I hope she I hope she fucking laughs at you and leaves you Throws your rollerblades out Out the window of her apartment. I hope she fucked you in the ass out her window Oh my god really all right Oh my God, really, all right. I could be in there. Oh boy. Well here.

Oh, geez. I think I, I, I look, man, I'm not sitting here preaching. I'm a piece of shit too. We're all pieces of shit. Even these fucking girls, you're a piece of shit too. You're a piece of shit. We all have secrets. You know when in the room, who isn't a piece of shit?

This guy. Brian, yeah. I'm not perfect. Yeah, you know.. Ryan, yeah. I'm not perfect. Oh, come on. Really? You're pretty perfect. But it's not a bad thing. I do not want you to fucking make this a negative.

The fact that you don't have issues with sex like that, like it's a fucking good thing, man. Trust me. What's the background with the sex with this guy? He's from Utah. He's a moment. He believes in a fucking, so he just came back in 1987 in a Corvette No sex home marriage is that the is that the thing? That's the thing. Yeah, I don't talk about it

Bill Dawes you do not fucking you do not take this guy It's kind of like Joe paterno everything's on's on the sh-tip with the sax in the Mormons. Yeah, Nikki. Please, Nikki. No, Nikki. That wasn't joke. That was like me being on. No, now you get it again for trying to make it.

Oh, where comics? Do you think we're fucking civilians? We're not fans. No, no. We know what a fucking joke is. An attempt at a failure. That's a failure. Give him a fucking bag is, an attempt at a failure. That's a failure.

Give him a fucking bag. But he said he goes, but the way he responded, maybe think like, okay, I have sex, but I don't talk about it, which to me is a little for how? No, I don't, here, we've had this conversation on this show before. He's the good guy.

I don't answer the question because it won't work. Either way, I lose, you know? Yeah. Unless you say I'm a good Mormon, I don't have sex, because it's one way. Either way, I lose, you know? Yeah, unless you say I'm a good Mormon, I don't have sex and then you're just consistent. What? But then he loses with us. Then people think I'm a freak. I wouldn't think you're a freak, I think that's great.

Yeah, people. I just don't want to talk about it. Yeah, all right. All right, well, we don't listen. There's one thing I respect, it's Ryan Hamilton. I'm serious. I respect the fact that he has made a choice. That's true.

And he has made a choice and he sticks to it. And that's it. Here's a deal. When we talk about stuff on the show, it's your choice. I talk openly about my shit, you do. Everybody does. And some people go, I don't want to talk about that.

I'm fine with that. I'm cool with that. But you are a piece of shit. And Ryan's not. It's business. So's been so long. I'm talking about Mormonism and all we love. We've done it. We've done it.

Of course, it's been a relationship. Yeah. Yeah, what happened with those? Ah. Yeah. Let me ask you in this room right now, if you had your choice, who would you fuck first? Oh, what don't you get?

Oh, yeah. Haha. Yeah. Who's second? Who's second? No, I don't know. I heard this. Rob? Huh?

Huh? You, first of all, the- I'm gonna be offended either way. The only way, the reason why you're not gonna like this is because you're at the one. Now this is down to the two. I'm gonna go ahead and- Honestly, it goes- I'm so holding onto that number two.

It goes in order of pigment just because I'm so pale and pasty and without, you know. I want to go black and then a little bit lighter and then at the end it's like my sister. I reckon that's what I am. I'll take my shoe before. Maybe like, because you're hideous. No, a little bit, because you were like, oh, she's back. She's beautiful, she's got great calves and all that stuff.

Okay, now it's broke, so that's a calves. Now calves is over the line. Yeah, that's fine. Is it fine, really? Are you mad? No, I'm not mad. I just don't like being a, I don't like being, I don't like attention being drawn

to a certain part of my body in a room full. You know what I mean? No, I do. Unless it's your face. You have a nice smile. Oh, how dare you, it's my mouth. I hate that when someone says you're not smile. I'm really like a fucking self.

Just a little bit more. What about your eyes? You have pretty eyes, blue eyes, right? Something about that. What are you French and after? I best? You have pretty eyes, blue eyes, right? Something about that is so pretty. What are your friends and after? I love what a sharp you are. If you say, I like your hair women will, oh thank you.

No one will be offended by her. That's weird. That's weird. Don't be specific. If you would have said, like, if someone said to me, like, you're a dude, man. What if you said, what if you said, I'd be like, okay. What if you said, I love your left pussy lip. Is that bad? No, I'll take that, okay. What if you said, I love your left pussy lip. Is that bad?

No, I'll take that. Okay. It's a really good one. And that's where I work on it. Brian, can I ask though, do you go on dates? Like, do you go on dates? Yeah, you go on dates. Yeah, I have dates a lot.

What do you mean women? No, I don't date a lot. What do you mean women like through shows or you're on like online? Most of the girls that I go out with not all of them, I meet at church. Oh that's creepy that's the bomb you come here often it just seems to be those are the people I you know we have a lot in common it works out yeah well let's get back to Bill. Here's a deal. Mike. Do you masturbate?

Yeah. Go on, that's all. Listen, we have a little sort of little history. What do you mean? I don't know. I've had many chats with you. Look at these guys. You're from masturbation?

No, I don't know. I've had many conversations with you at shows. We were like, were you in college? Oh, yeah. I've been with my girlfriend a long time, but we had periods where we were running off, which we both took Advantage of really and how long you've been with her straight straight this time like four and a half years

So you've been you've been not gay for four and a half years. That's about right That's fucking good I've only got three Love that triny porn I Hit the way Kelly tells her jokes with it, she goes, hmm. You do that in a little fucking technique not to get the banner.

It's a little cute. You do it again, you get the fucking banner. You go, hmm, huh? What? I'm fucking knocking you out. How's that? Who's offended by that? I'll fucking hit a woman.

You want to talk? You're just old fashioned, man. That's all this. I don't believe in the rape jokes, but I'll fucking hit a woman. You're just old fashioned man. That's all. Look, I don't believe him in the rape jokes, but I'll fucking knock a woman right out. Yeah, yeah. You believe, though, that man used to fucking hate women. Oh yeah. What did he say? Yeah. Those were the days. Bill, you're not helping. I was. I already got the bandanas or whatever. He's like, no, I believe it. That's a bandit of bad jokes,

not fucking people hating you. That's why Chris Brown were his bow tie and the V-n- because he's just old-timey that way, you know? Yeah, wow. I'm keeping it. Yeah, you definitely keep it. He's trying that up there, buddy. I'm gonna get you another tie.

That's a blue. Jesus. I actually want to put it around your mouth. The mouth. The mouth. I actually want to put it around your mouth. I mean, no, I mean like guys back, you watch old movies, like they used to mush their faces and push them. What would you start talking? You know Charlie fucking shut your face.

What a Australian movie were you watching in the 40s? Charlie, has a woman ever hit you? What's that, has a woman ever hit that? Yeah, uh huh? No, that wasn't. What's that? Has a woman ever hit you? Yes, yes. Of course. Don't you fucking dare.

No, oh shit, let me think. I wanna be honest, I'm not just gonna answer it. I mean, I don't slap you. Has you ever been slapped? All right, I'll tell you, I, no. Not even a throes. My wife tried to beat me up one time. She, I threw, I have that joke on my act. My wife tried to beat me up one time.

I have that joke on my act. We were going to a big argument and I was barbecuing the chicken and I had the raw chicken in my hand. And I went to throw it and it slapped her in the face. And hit her like flush, abreast of raw chicken cutlet.

And it made a fucking slap and then slid down her face. She was shot. She was shot. And my wife hates raw chicken. She hates the fucking like, ugh, she's cutting it up. And it was on her face and it slid down her cheek and she went, you motherfucker, she went kid,

I'm gonna kill you, she called me kid. She goes kid, I'm gonna fucking kill you, then turned into a Boston broth. I had a grabber and hold her down and she was like, get the fuck off me kid. I'm fucking in. I hope you fucked immediately after that. Yeah, that's kinda hot.

Who said that? Me. And you too. What? Well, you like that? I don't know, it's not your bad. I don't get this too. It's not your bad, like kid, I'm gonna fucking kill you.

I know, here's the thing I don't get. This is what fucking makes me weird it out. Yeah, I think it is too. It's not like you're bad like kid, I'm gonna fucking kill you. I know, I know. Here's the thing I don't get. This is what fucking makes me weird it out. This is where guys get fucked. It's that you guys want to be respite. He says, hang on. He says you have nice calves and you get fucked up.

But if he threw chicken at your face, then you'd want to fuck him. I don't get it either. Okay, okay. As your face, then you'd want to fuck. I don't. I don't get it either. Okay, okay. As long as you don't know what the fuck that is. I don't know what that means. Yeah. Well, that's like the whole 50 shades of gray thing.

It's like women want to be, they want to be choked, but then cuddled or fucking, there's some rule where they, they want to be like dominated, but it's like, queen, what do you want, darling? Talk to him, motherfucker, don't look at me. I'm thinking, they're not all the, uh, shazes, Christ. What you want to tell me, what you want? Your pal talking to him motherfucker. Don't look at me. I'm thinking not all the Shazies Christ your pal is a whiff nothing on me buddy What did you just say?

And by that he means below it. Oh shit. I said no to you first You're the one that went oh you're very pretty and I'm like fuck you. I love this I love what a hunk of garbage Seriously because you're just such a piece of shit And these two fucking girls here right now well two and a half she was Okay, I mean now, but now I feel like she's legitimately honestly I need me now because there was it Don't talk to me talk to her. She's right there Don't look at me like that. Well, it's just because like you like disappointed

Well, that's the worst thing a woman can say That is the worst thing, but not general? Yeah, right. What do you mean? It's just that hurts more than anything. Right? When you've been, you let somebody down. Oh, yeah. It breaks my heart. Because I can't even get mad.

Especially when it's Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why don't I, but obviously it's working for you. Like obviously, you go out to clubs and girls and like, if you go out to a girl and get you very pretty. And the girls are like, oh my god, I really?

I wasn't trying to get down your pants when I said that. I only said that because I just looked up. I'm like, why would a pretty girl be hanging out with Robert Kelly? That's the only reason I'm kidding. That's a joke. I will fucking fight you. I got that, man.

I will fucking fight you. These girls, look at that fucking thing. They'll let you fucking talk about them. You talk about me. They'll beat you up. These girls, look at fucking, they'll let you fucking talk about them. You just talk about me. They'll beat you up. My alliance is thick and strong. Listen, first of all, fucking Dawson. Am I hey, Dave?

I would blow you away. First of all, you're a redhead. Nobody likes a redhead. Okay. I'm not a ginger motherfucker. I'm a blonde. You're a more ginger. Dude, you got enough alcohol on you.

No, you have freckles, pale skin, right? And you're good looking, right? But, here's the deal. Here's the deal. I'm gonna be good looking into my fucking 60s, because I'm Italian, and I got fucking this great skin. You're gonna fall off like Patrick Swazie in a year One day you're fucking face is gonna look like a boot

You got that pale fucking ginger shit. I'm telling you you can always see I got no look at look at nothing Nothing you no dude look at look at this Christ fate already two almost I look fucking Yeah, yeah, it's for how long my whole life you look at the round your eyes you look like my fucking Aunt Peggy around your eyes I hope I get to meet her someday I'm gonna love Ryan Mike, right? Yes, just check Mike's a good guy I can never we can never give the man dead of you Ryan. Yeah, we can I will give you fucking in the bed. I've told with him. You can definitely give him a band Any given night where he's fucking? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let me tell you something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Make you a star that night. What night? I did that fucking first one. We go to do the suicide benefit. Let me itch my ear. Oh my God.

We go to do the suicide benefit. And I got you. Thanks, babe. We go to do the suicide benefit. That's all you, I call you thanks babe. We go to do the suicide benefit. Does that bother you? I call you babe. I love terms of you. I love that. I like it to babe, hun.

But she's okay with babe, but not a calf compliment. I don't know. I know. She doesn't want you to fucking calf compliment. If you fucking put your in the face and then try to finger pop, or she's into that, I don't get it either. She's like a pain flake. She just nailed it.

You just nailed it. It's just like a pain flip. She's like an even book. That's the Yappi-Yapp Bean Flick Club. Yeah, we got hired. We get hired like way out to do this suicide benefit. And I'm like, oh Jesus. And then I find that Ryan's on it.

Nikki's on it. So I'm like, oh, cool And then I find that Ryan's on it, Nikki's on it, so I'm like, oh cool, this is gonna be at least we know each other. And I love Ryan and it was cool, because I wanted to, I like when I finally get to hang out with somebody that I know, because you guys don't know this. Comics, we all know each other,

but you really don't know somebody to go on the road with them. It's like a bonding experience. It's like you're in a car, you're talking, you're taking naps, you're getting food, you're getting to the hotel, you get nervous together, you're getting excited together, and then you release it all and you do the show good or bad, and then you drive home together and you have that whole experience home. And then you get to the point, it's like, I see it and then you kind of have that forever. You'll always remember that. And whether you like somebody or maybe you don't know if you like them or what the, you heard shit about them, you don't

really know somebody until you take a road gig with them. And so I was really excited about it because I've been with you, but I haven't been with you, but I knew you guys are friends. So we had such a fucking good time in the car. We were talking, Niggie, Niggie went to sleep at one point and I was fucking with him. I was just saying whatever the fuck came to my eye. I thought you had a what? Ordered hooters. I told you how to go to hooters in the way. It was just stupid silly shit, right? Literally fucking four-year-olds in the back of a min van just going day get a good who do you gonna say you know slap patty Wack I don't know what the fuck I said

So we're laughing just go V and we get to this gig. We saw Air Force one. Do you remember that? Oh my god crazy Finally are you can see that that was it? Yes, okay? On the movie. Yeah, we saw the plane flying low Was playing on the movie. Yeah, we saw the plane flying low So cool we but flying in like a field next door Yeah, really weird off my plane. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah, can you do me one favor? Everybody just stop can you untie that band? Can it to it's right for oh no fucking I know what he Aussie

Because I gave it a go Bobby. I gave it a I know. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not, I'm driving this fucking car and we look over there's a there's a 747 Landing in a field almost and I'm looking I'm like that's fucking Air Force one and then we looked and we we googling it Because everybody have the cell phone and then it was fucking Air Force one Probably landing at a military base near where we were going. Yeah, it was fucking crazy Then we get to the gang and we it's this where what is it? What is it? It was fucking crazy. Then we get to the gang and we it's this Where what is it? What is it? Where was it? It was the biggest Maryland it was Bar was like the biggest beach bar and the East Coast or something like that

But what was the name of the town? Oh, oh Easton We need a good bit. FYI ocean city ocean city. Oh, yeah Maryland we need a good bit of why i ocean city ocean city oh yeah marlin which is this huge and and it's weird to me that i forget you forget that there's uh... uh... like these communities like these beach communities you only think like jersey shore from from boston

hampton beach or blah blah blah but marlin is this huge beach community and there's these crazy hotels along the beach and then there's little shitty motels that have been there forever that have these crazy names and people in fucking the thousands go there every summer and just spend their summers at this fucking beach and this bar started as a little private bar that you needed a password to get into and grew and grew to the biggest fucking bar. Yeah. It's called

surrender. Oh, I didn't even know the name. Am I am I making that up? I don't know if that was it. I think I'm making that up. I think you are. What a name. Here's the thing that sucks about about both of you Is that what I just know what I just supposed to go with that I tuned out Like this tune out give me the fucking internet over there was just right behind you I told the wild horses on the beach and everything. No, that's chinkatee. Okay. That's what that's chinkatee in Delaware But yeah That's chinketig in Delaware. But yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy to the story.

And let's get to Ryan and his bandana. Yeah, well, yeah, the peak of the story. That's where we're going. Yeah, let's get you on stage. And it's really, I don't want to tell. Ryan. Oh, come on. I can't tell it.

I'll fucking tell it. I'm living it. We go to the fucking venue. I was living it. I know what happened now. When you say that. It's huge. It's fucking huge. I was living it. Oh, I know what happened now. When you say that. It's huge.

It's fucking huge. It's a big place. We go to like the one side of it, where they have this one little, this theater. It's a big theater, but it's like one of a bunch of stages this place has. And it's a lot of fucking gray heads and older people. You know, people who have lost children to suicide.

Yeah, a lot of suicide fucking victims here, right? And there's the given of the raffles and all the shows with dead kids. This is like a spring break outdoor bar beach place they're having a suicide comedy show. It's like always the worst places in the world. They want comedy right suicide blah blah blah Some you know football presentation Shit Okay, we're back and that was Kelly fucking screaming at something We fucked up, okay, we were just into the story and we went in the fucking sound fucked up and

I don't know what happened. We lost the end of the story So basically we were in Maryland to park that huge club, doing a suicide benefit, and Brian's was like that. Yeah, the end. We tell a story again, can we play each other?

Like, can I be Brian and then like, be Mike? I've already got the bandana. That was, that was, that was, that was, I know, but here's the thing,

is that like anything, okay, you get used to it and it doesn't the bandana was supposed to make you not tell shitty jokes so we're gonna have to come with something more violent for you like tomatoes. All right give me the tomato on the face again. All right give me the flesh light. Give me the bandana, that was just terrible. I hated my delivery. You go for a segue, you go for a segue.

I wasn't, because I wasn't even there yet. It wasn't even like a segue. I just brought up something that we're gonna talk about. Oh, I fucking just sock. Forget trot, my God. I do don't get the part, Mr. Kelly. Anyways, I have the bandana, but we'll go back to Kelly before the show's over, because I won't stop the show until we do.

I don't give it to a 17 hour podcast. This bitch is getting this bandana. Why we walked in here was already on my mockery phone. We walked in here for a week. My dance is old faithful. Hang on, let's take it. I mean, I'm tired. You're just back to, you know what?

Wordy counts too. I get a period, bitch. So what happened was we were telling the story and it fucked up, like it does. And we literally, we could do what other shows do, where they just go back into it and they'll relive it. But I can't do that. We fucked up. So basically what happened, Ryan went on stage and the guy, the guy hosting it went on and fucking told about your suicide jokes

and then brought up two ladies here. The kids, fucking dire suicide. They cried, they gave each other suicide. People gifts. And they brought Ryan up. He fucking was bombing a little up front. His voice started going, hire an hire an hire.

Hey, what's going on with the police and he sounded like Jerry Seinfeld on fucking Heli other. Finally got a shit together Nicky went up fucking killed it I went up and did the my my contract amounted time we got the fuck out of there and that's it so there you have no monitors that's why I went. Yeah there was no monitors we know. I can see you. No not see dumb dumb have you ever done a show not in a fucking hallway have you have you ever done a show hang on wow are you saying it is like audiences monitor come on no monitor monitors they have monitors when you do a big show they'll have monitors you can hear yourself so you don't scream because when you

In rooms that you do you can hear yourself without the mic You can actually hear yourself. Happy with a room. I Don't know two or three hundred people. Yeah, I don't know. It was a big room. There's a big rock club There's a rock club. Yeah, have you ever done a big show? Yeah, I do one I did the high five club the festival two and a half years ago. Where's that? In Melbourne. That does account.

There's five other people there. Yeah, but I'm talking American crowds. There's a difference, okay? You guys get together and have rainsticks and just laugh. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Put white mud on each other's faces. Oh, I tell you what, that sounds really benden-worthy. I got left.

I got left. I got left. White mud? Yeah, yeah. She knows what I'm talking about. That's an average name. Yeah, those fucking dirty abos that, whoops, huh? Sorry, the fucking, anyway, I got a fucking hum.

What a fatso. Just a fatso. Fatso with hummus on his shirt. So anyways, we would tell on this story, we apologize, but we're not going to relive it and try to redo. And here's the thing, hilarious. The one that didn't get recorded was fucking great. What a great break.

So we're not going to tell it. What we're going to do right now, we're going to go to break real quick, do some ads, and then we're going to come back and talk about a flesh. What is it called? Fleshlight. I want to talk about some flick in the bean and jerk in the stick and look in the mule. Ryan, you look so comfortable.

We're going to talk about it. You know what, baby girl, baby, you can tap out or you can just sit there and giggle. Whatever you like to do, alright, because God is watching. I want to talk about it. Alright, but we'll be back after this. Anyways, I want to thank, as soon as Kelly's done with the notebook writing shit down, she's going to give it to me and I'm going to fucking talk about the sponsors of this podcast. That's right, Bill Dawes.

When you did it, we didn't have sponsors, but now we do, okay? We have a lot of fans, we have thousands and thousands of fans who we love and appreciate you guys so much. So please, keep going to iTunes and reviewing it, subscribing, because that gets us up to charts. Just leave a review, that's it. You like the show, it's free. So leave a review, that helps us.

And other way you can help us is support our sponsors. One of them is you like Amazon, you like to buy stuff. Anything you want, you can buy off Amazon. Whatever the fuck you want, close, groceries, you can buy off Amazon. You know, sunglasses, whatever the fuck you have a hanker and for the hunk of. Keep naming things.

Yeah, I bought something. Go ahead. Wait, hang on, don't challenge me. I like the hunk of keep naming things. Yeah, I bought something go ahead and wait hang on I'll don't challenge me. I will fucking know You want sunglasses. I she really called me out there I looked at the table and I went food and sunglasses I Suck bubbles I think I suck bubbles

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Every order you make for yourself helps us. So it's a win, win, win situation. We win, you win, and Amazon wins. Everybody wins. Okay, and another way to help us gamefly.com. You play video games? Yep. Do you play?

You don't play. Do you play video games? No, really. I used to, yeah, I had to lock it away. It was too much. We don't care about the truth. You could just say, yeah, play on my phone. So good, they beat me.

I mean, I can't fucking. I didn't, oh god. 10 hours a day. that's too good. They beat me. I mean, I can't. I didn't. Oh, God. 10 hours a day. It's too busy picking up women. Am I right? Yeah. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. Kelly's on fire. Kelly's on fire. Kelly's on fire. Oh, yeah.

Yes, I love video games to play my all the time. Thank you. What about you, my galala? Every day. Is that your name? My galala. It absolutely time. Thank you. What about you my galala every day? Is that your name my galala? Absolutely. Do you play? I'm my phone. Do you play ride? I play games on my phone and I played Mike Tyson's punch out of the party on Saturday Nice. That's a place. It was so Specific tried on a gripe me to my brain. bring you shut the fuck down. Oh, I would that's the I would do a bit of 3 30. I was up at 6 30.

Yeah, but I'm still going to after this. I gotta keep going. But yeah, I know what are you gonna do? So Nicky, you play video games? I'm here. I was hoping you were speaking. I had to be honest. I had around and just date just like fucking this. She said it like I don't, you loser. No, I apologize, I wish I did. Well here's a deal, if you play video games like me, apparently the only one I play on my phone, go fuck yourself.

What does that mean? Yeah, my grandmother does that. Whereas with friends, that's not a game. I have FIFA. FIFA? Yeah, soccer game on my phone. Oh shit, well if you want to play the FIFA the real FIFA You can go to Gamefly.com slash ykwd and they are giving it a special offer two weeks free

You get two games that's a $22 value or something like that It's for free two weeks you get two games you can hang on to them Here's the best part about game fly you don't have to go spend the $60 on the game and find out it's blows. You can just get whatever game you want, play for as long as you want, and return it and get a new one. That's the best part.

If you want to keep it, they have the option to buy cheaper than it would be if you went to the strong bought it. It's a great, if you're a gamer like me, you should have Gamefly. It's a Netflix for games. It's awesome. So go to GameFlight.com slash YKWD. And if you're going to use Amazon, if you're going to buy anything at all, get it off Amazon, but go to riotcast.com slash Robert Kelly. Don't go to, don't go

to other pages on riotcast. Go to my page or our page. I'm sorry Kelly I don't want to hurt you fucking stupid Australian feelings. I don't like how wet your mouth is to make that sound. You bloody asshole ruins it. Go to our website, ryecast.com and slash Robert Kelly and buy from there. And also I want to thank, I want to thank Lafspin, Laf Button Live, those guys are great. The sender kit, cringehumor.com. Yowzer Fitness.

And if you guys want to send the show anything, if you want to send us something, a figurine, you made a card for Kelly or anybody, photos. Anything you have that you want to send, we have this beautiful new table here. You want to send a Senate to 676A, ninth, have number four, two, four, NY, NY, 103036. You can send any one of us on the show, anything you want.

And we will make sure it gets to them. And if you want to have something around the studio hanging up or on the table please send it to again 6.76 a 9.5 number 424 and why and why it 1036 would love to have your shit in the videos nothing creepy well what could be creepy I saw my swimming some blood I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got into Montreal. You can't write on the notes congratulate Joe without saying for you make me look at asshole. You got to tell me for what? Well, I was, you just throw to me and I'll pick it up, man. I go mate. Sorry, wow. Alright, you're right. Come on. Go ahead. Now you're going to the Montreal Just for Last Festival. Well, so did the new face. Well, so didn't fucking, he's, first of all, he's not a new face. He's a fucking the new face. Well, so didn't fucking he's first of all he's not a new face. He's a fucking small mouth face.

This is a big deal of scrap. What is that? A premature bumper. Joe, Joe got a little special microphones. It's a bunch of people with small mouths. I like fun and music. He's gonna be out of the friend himself and yell at me. Okay, so we got, and so is in time, so are you two, two lovers.

You put there like two lovers. Shut up. So aren't you two, right? Yeah, we're going. But it's not as big as a killer Joe. Yeah, maybe. I'm sorry, Kelly, but you're only got you. You're right. He's two fucking superstars of rally.

Don't appreciate it. I just wanted to say it was a nothing for a little Joey list. Little mouthed Joe. All right, let's make a few. Congratulations, man. Have fun up there, Joe Joe nothing's gonna happen nothing comes It's a good time You have to be dan soda for anything to happen anywhere

They're still to get a deal at a dunkin donuts Fucking flat nose Dan Flat nose island and now to bed. He wasn't home last week watching Batman listen to be wasn't home last week watching back man listen i have ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We're back to the show right now. Thanks for donating. And thanks for supporting the show, you guys are the shit. So spread the word. And we're back. We're back. We're back.

We're back. I'm the best at making up songs for the show or anything that goes. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back to the podcast now.

Yay. Oh, wow. I really am good at songs. I have this little limbic set on to make up. Wow, did you start doing improv? Is that how you started? Wow, that thing's a... I wish I was running a neck.

I really do like pinky-tested... Fuck. Give it to me. Give it to me. I didn't say that's gonna bum. That was a flat tie. I just ran out of it. I'm taking the fucking thing.

I should've said, taking Tuscan Darrow. Oh, you made a happy day, Drake. My mouth isn't working today because I'm so tired. For you. All right, listen. I bit my lip today. I bit my lip three days ago, and then when you buy your lip, it swells, so you bite it again.

And then you just keep gnawing away until you fucking lip is gone. It looks like I fucking leprosy. I bit it so hard today today I heard it. I heard the sound. And nobody cares. I've hit my lips. So I'm like, no, you don't understand them. Yeah, no one really. Fucking now I'm going to have a canker and then it's going to, ah, they got to married. That's the worst. They've got to worry about eating pussy with a fucking open sore. What's a canker? You don't know what a canker store is. Maybe I'll get another word for it.

Yeah, it's called. They're like the white things that sting so bad. No, it's not her. It's herpes calm down. It's all herpes. Calm down. No, I think you need them on your tongue, but they're mostly like on your left. Nicky, I just told you to calm down.

You're defensive because you're herpes. No, she's ignored. I offended. She's not offensive. Oh, I like that she's just corrected your fucking grab a uh... i love it i love it listen this what you have to do right now

take your phone uh... going to the bathroom get your dick hard enough that's it all of the god bill take go to cerisie well you can delete it when you don't well just gonna look at it and then delete it, but we have to see it.

Come on, he said it was me, put your money, put your money in your mouth. I really, I really, I really have to do it. You have to do it. You have to do it. Is she gonna come with me? I can't do it by myself. I imagine that she isn't good enough.

You're like Linda Ralland. You know what, help, a fleshlight. Speaking of segues. There's no glisten, you twat. There you go. Ah, ah, ah. I'm trying to have a wedding. Listen. Guys, speaking of, nothing. There's no listen you taught Listen, will you take a picture of it when he's ready to go

Listen, no in the bathroom take it ready and take a fucking photo of it I want a photo of it. We need to show the girls and dude these girls. No, I promise you what they're gonna say is like It's not that big. I never said I guess you promise I would never say that you promise me you will fucking cuz you know what a big dick is and you know what a little dick is Goldie Cox. I love that. Goldie Cox. That was pretty good. We really just tapped all over the other guy. Oh, it feels good. Listen. It's okay.

I did say like you're the, you're a professional dip in. If anyone knows, jigsize, it's Nicky, you know? Well, that's them. We need a judge man. And I can both weigh in. Yeah, it's well,

yeah, Linda, Linda, and Ryan. And Ryan. No, I won't be looking at it. That helps you, Bill. I won't look. I only would have had to get that gets in the hard. I fucking love running Hamilton in his conviction to being him. There's a listen, Bill, get in the bathroom, get going I Had a long night last night as you might know from see me on the street. What is it all is it hurting? A musket you got to reload it And if I don't go Fuck it's this get in the middle of a waxy

You get a hairy down they haven't true bill go just the cock. We don't want to see anything else Go take a picture of it, Bill. You're not getting out of it. Go. I'm going to take a picture of it. I mean, really? This is like borderline rape. Sir, you're not getting out of it.

Yeah, this is like borderline rape. I'm not going to suck it. I actually really don't want to see it at all. But I'm enjoying him. I'm loving shelly. I love you, I love you, I love you. And if Bobby wants to see your cock, he gets to see your cock. Come on.

Whoa. That's, now if I said that to her about her pussy, I'd be in jail right now. Well you don't want to say that. Yeah, nobody wants to see that. Let's say somebody melted a regular pussy. Remember those old Halloween masks, not all them were the same, the mouth. I mean the man has a point, I lost a bit of weight. Listen. I'm kidding.

Get in the bathroom and take a... If you can't do it, then you can't do it. I'll give you five minutes to do it. I promise you I won't be able to do it. I won't be able to do it. I promise you I won't be able to do it. I won't be able to do it. I won't be able to do it.

And take it, let me see your phone. Let me look at your phone photos. You go look at my... Where's your phone? Give me your phone. I promise you, I promise you there are no pictures of me. Just make sure I, I'm not going to leave anything, but let me, let me see the phone. That picture is into embarrassing.

There's nothing embarrassing. I was reading anything, I didn't get people saying, I'm stupid. Let me see, I'm not going to pass that down there. I promise you, I've been scared of that. I've been scared of that. I've been scared of that. I've been scared of that.

I've been scared of that. I've been scared of that. I've been scared of that. I've been scared of that. I've been scared of that. I've been scared of that. I've been scared of that. I've been scared of that. I've been scared of that. Pass the phone down pass the phone down. What a fuck? Put the fuck you mother fucker Give me the phone when people said I'd like to send in nude pictures of to each other and like do you include your Only thing I have Ramoli is a girl sent me a picture. That's the only thing I have Carried Kelly take over the box. Why would why would I why wouldn't I share a piece? I did before I would do it now. I don't have one Kelly I could go Pictures of me in the hospital. Yes, there would be nothing that would be embarrassing

Yeah, that you've taken like by yourself like alone and no ad where you're trying to Oh my god, I petrified. Oh my god. Yeah, some petrified someone finding it accident And then I will never leave it that I'm petrified. Who is that who is that? She's her name Kristen Romanenko. She's Russian Who is that? Who is that? Who is that? Her name's... Thank you very much. Kristen Romanenko, she's Russian. She's Russian. They're supposed to move to Russia. You know what, you're a party pooper.

If I had your dick, I'd flip it out on the fucking table right now. That's right. Mickey. You're a fucking asshole, Bill. You know what they call you? They call you a party pooper. Why?

Because you won't go into bathroom and take a picture of your dick Oh my god Bring that in the bathroom How did you tap that? Talk about batting above your average Yeah, Jimmy She just said you're not as you you don't deserve her Jesus Christ Shit

That was me We're in the 60 things like the suspended things from the 80s that no one ever wins Are you gonna take a picture of your dick? I- I- Okay look it's hard not to- Yes or no I don't want to because I dick? I, okay look, it's hard not to see. Yes or no? I don't want to because I, will you? Shut up, will you or not.

Nikki and I want to see your cock. I think Nikki, she doesn't. He doesn't, he definitely doesn't. You're gonna win if you have. She just said it. I fucking love Nikki. She wants some cock. I love Nikki Glaser because she isn't,

she, you think she's going this way and she'll fucking go left Surprise yeah, she only wants to to mock me. I get it. I am not gonna mock you. I think I'll make it'll make me like you more I kind of want to see what got that girl I Kind of want to see what got that girl By the way, I didn't get her with it's not like here's my cock and then I got her go in the bathroom Take whatever angle that makes you comfortable picture of your dick and bring it back in here right now go Just go he's got one on his gun. I don't believe it doesn't I look stop stop. Listen to me. Are you really demanding? I am demanding it. Oh my, this you can do this already. You do this already. Well,

And he did no we just show it. Thank you Ryan. Thank you back me. I did it already No, we you show me I need Nikki and me and and everybody in the room to see it first Well, I have to pee really bad go pee go pee go pee go pee go pee and bring your phone in if you get Go ahead you got you about the flesh like just go we're gonna talk about when you get back That's when you give us go go go go go Just go go whatever angle you need down up He's the best he's the fucking best no, I love you he's doing it. He's the best. He's the fucking best. No, I love that.

No, I love you for doing it. You're the best. Just do it. You're fucking ginger with a big dick. Oh man. This is like the most extreme man I've been bullying. I've been a speck. Can I just say something though?

I really just bullied my friend and taking a picture of his cock. He did. For you two sluts. Listen to me. I didn't want to say it. I'm just like, I'm probably one of them. Stop. Shut up. You will. You will. You will want to listen to me. I didn't want to see it. I'm just like I'm probably one stop shut up You will want to see a Kelly stop when you have fucking morals you know you're a dirty pig just like the rest of us except for Ryan

Fenry Ryan, we're all I mean look we're all fucking If this do you have a boyfriend? No, you don't have a boyfriend. Do you have a boyfriend now? You're seeing? Linda You don't have one so I mean You're boyfriend are you gonna want to be like if you had a guy? Are you gonna want to be a fucking freak with this guy? Yes, you do Jesus Christ Nikki settle down. Let me finish the sentence a weirdo Are you gonna want to take it? Yes. Are you gonna wanna say yes? Are you gonna say yes to everything?

Whenever you're a fucking dirty fat bald mind, it's gonna spit out yes, I want it. I want it in a harvest, let's do it. I want fucking animals, I want fucking loob. Are you saying he's dick before? I've seen it. It's big. It's fucking, it's perfect.

I only want to say it's because I want to know what this constitutes this is what happens this is what happens okay there's a certain point at your life okay I don't know how old he is and it bugs me that he won't tell me if there's anything I hate not and he's got to be 30 I hate people who won't fucking say their age because they're in show business like it's going to affect your parts that you're gonna get like if they find out that you we thought you were 33 but you're really 35 yeah get the fuck out of here you are what you are I don't get this isn't that's so old Hollywood that's back in the day when they find a chicken a malt shop and

give her a fucking three-pitcher deal. Should the bitch don't even add act, okay? You know what I mean? It should be 52. I'm only 29. And that's what trainees do. What did you make him through comedy? Oh, through acting stuff. I met him in LA. He was at the, he was doing comedy on LA.

And I, I didn't really, you know, I didn't hit it off of them. But first, what's up, what's up, that's it? Then I met him at the Lafactory Long Beach. I met him at the laugh factory long beach I met him in long beach and then he I found out he lives on my block like three doors down He has an apartment too. I'm not as nice as mine, but it's nice Yeah, and she sent it do you got it?

Nice. Yes, yes, We get to see his day! We get to see his day! We have Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! You do not sing that song. You keep better not. You keep those legs crossed. You keep those legs crossed like a fucking female judge. I'm not. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. Okay, red mic. What's your name again?

Michael. Okay, listen. Michael. I know, Michael. So you say, you have this whole thing with flashlight. What is it called? Yeah, it's a flashlight. Flash, not flash, flash. Flash flash flash yeah but it's in the

shape of a flash i think that's why and why is it in the shape of a flashlight i guess it's easy to grip well what about a fucking you what about uh... they do fucking beer cans and not the same company but the chalely kind of cool to hold to why not a chalely chalely no chalely is a black womani? You know what a shalei is? It's a black woman? No, it's a fucking leprechaun's cane. Where the hell did you pull out that word from? I know, I couldn't see where it's all day.

I pull out a shalei. Oh really, God. You can't say that. But this was too good because you guys are here. I just said that you described it. That spot on. Jesus. A shalei.

Someone's got the picture. He's got it. Give me the picture. Give me the picture. Give me the picture. Give me the picture. Give me the picture. Give me the picture. Yeah, it's called the fucking house. First of all, first of all, it's not that big and it's not that big. Let me see it first. No, Bill. let me see it first. No bill. This is it. Let me see it. Okay. Just let no show anybody. Let me see it And then Okay, hand me the phone and Nicky. I should tell you that a few weeks ago

We had a Tatiana and she showed the boys her titties and on in look first of all Now we get first of all there just get you stop shish everybody the show must stop right now Everybody must shut the fuck up Bill the fact the fact that you don't think this is Fucking amazing the fact I'm so the fact that you don't think this is amazing is Almost fucking I want to punch your mother I want to fucking take your father in the balls The big dick balls that he handed down to you. I want to do that. Listen to me. I'm showing Nicky this

I'm showing her this and I I'm showing I'm showing these girls this listen to me Mike. Did you just raise your hand? I think Ryan's even more Okay, look Ryan, look real quick. Oh shit. Look at who's disappointed. Oh. Are the more did you send more? I got it, I got it.

No, no more, that's it. That's all, dude, this is a great, this is a perfect dick. It is a perfect dick. Okay, but it's not, it's just nice, it's pretty. Nikki's holding that at hand, like all of our mobile feed, like we have some more pizza, I don't know if it's a little dick. More dick pics.

Hi, Rigo, look now. I don't wanna look. You don't have to look. It's not there, just look. Look, I swear to God, it's not there. No, I think I don't know you. I don't know you, that, well, Robert. Wait, I wanna see Jesus.

Aha, Nikki. Okay, yeah, that's crazy. That's good, no, show, I don't know what Robert wait, I want to see Jesus Nicky okay. Yeah, that's crazy. That's good. No show. Whoa give don't give that to him yet give it to Kelly Pass it to Kelly pass the Kelly dude. That's ridiculous. That's a great But look at it and tell me how perfect it is it's it's it's it's great One of the best ones I've ever seen whoa Before I haven't seen a lot ever seen. Whoa. She's seen a lot before I haven't seen a lot. But that is what I have like a scene. Don't you talk to your Nikki that way. I have not. But that's how many of you see? You remind me looking Bill. Shangha once again. How many of you seen Nick? Like how many people have I slept with? I don't look every time. If it's not a lot, you should

go six. You don't? You shouldn't look up. Nikki, Nikki, Nikki, you shouldn't have to look in. What's up? What's somebody asked how many dx you see you shouldn't have to look up at the sky? I always look at it beforehand 6 7 8 9 10. Okay. I got ready go. I don't know either. I mean yeah, I'm gonna stop defending her. Would you? I'm gonna joke it. Oh Shit it's nice right look at it Kelly. I don't wanna say it. I don't wanna say it. I like it. I'm sure it's right.

Yeah, it's nice though, right? The helmet's nice, nice, even. Yeah. Good. Linda. Good. I want to look at that. She's gonna be like Dana big.

Oh shit. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Now do that joke. That's your name, Debi. Linda? Linda. Get in on this. That's great. Remember, do you remember, A? Which stop? Stop. Is that, if you do that?

Dude, it's, it's dicklet. It's, it's, it's delicious. Were you trying to come up with a fucking cute name for his dick? It's a quote from a sexy city. But remember, eight years ago, I, I saw where the guy had the perfect dick and it was like straight, it was big, straight, and based to tip, this guy, fucking how? Was like that one.

So you, you, you, this dick, so you're saying perfect dick. I'm gonna ask for a vote right now. One to 10, as far as dick goes, all right. That's pretty good. So what are you gonna give it? You're gonna give it a 10? Yeah, oh, yeah.

A 10? Mike, that's a good dick, that's a 10. That's a 10. Yeah. Mike, that's a good dick. That's a 10. That's a 10. Like it's not small at the top of the base. It's not weird. I'm gonna give a nine and a half because I want those fucking red pubes trimmed. Yeah.

I'm not giving them a full 10. That fucking bush delicious. That little dead. I didn't even see it. I wasn't, you didn't trim the hair. There's a white hair down there. I have a ginger bush. I do have a ginger it. Oh you did a trim the head is a way to get out of it ginger I do have a ginger bush. Yeah, I don't think I'm right. Kudos to whoever circumsides Yeah, it's a nice guy dude you didn't fuck around. What'd you have a plastic surgeon? Do you dick as a kid?

What do you mean? What's a bad cut on it? What was it? Hey, look at this? I've seen some weird dick. Yeah, I think I think Colin has a fucked up dick yet to get his done twice So the guy fucking my ex boyfriend used to the whole where his peak come out of What was on the side? He was actually dating a fucking woman With a huge clip had a nice big dick. It was a nice dick straight But the hole was on the sides Like a recorder

Kelly put his dick on a piano before a set Shit, there's about the fuck Like it was being some weird dick Kelly suck the fuck Like every thing some we dick Kelly's suck the fuck She's suck the mini recorder dick I And you and you say Mike you say you have flat flesh lights. Yeah, really how about how about that dick though like today's Yeah, yeah, with his dick fit. I fuck it flesh like here. Here's a deal He has a flashlight. Do I have to get the smaller flashlight?

No. And he gets the regular one. It's like a one size fiddle. But are you gonna touch the bat bottom of it? Oh, he might bang the cap. Yeah, the cap is a cap at the bat. You know, it's like, I don't know. Do you hit somebody's surface?

But I'm sure they have different sizes. Yeah, does a girl, when you're a fucking a girl, do you hear this, everyone's wrong? Yeah, she's tasting, is she tasting oil? She's choking her. She threw up in her mouth and have acid reflux after your fucker. I'm gonna come out of my mouth.

Doesn't the tip, the, the, flashlight have a little hole on the top too? You got the empty out the come, can I? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I use your dick pick to send the chicks on the internet, like, who wanna see? Cause I can't send my dick cause I'm married, but I can use your dick pic to send the chicks on the internet like who want to see because I can't send my dick because I'm married But I could send your dick and just take the credit for the rest of my life. All right good photography on that Yeah, I'd have to get from studio lighting on the one I have to Photoshop your bush though

I don't think I've ever seen anyone naked that I have it actually fucked you know me like Like live you know someone that I know like I fucked. You know what I mean? Really? It's not like live. You know, someone that I know, like, I've never seen a friend's dick or a friend's boobs. We should fix that. Really? Is that band-aid and worthy, really?

No, it's great. I was just weird. I didn't really say man had it. Tired on your dick. Yeah. On your big long dick. Yeah, we don't get a sheet. Cocksucker. your dick is awesome bill

Delighted awesome. I'm so glad that you got that picture because I just sound like a fucking flaming homo Show you dick show you dick and now that everybody saw it they understand why Wanted it what's shown Bobby was so passionate about you I wanted it what's shown Bobby was so passionate about you It's addicted to be passionate about So you have these flesh lights and they sponsor you kind of I mean they they gave me some free ones to give out at my Caroline, I want them to give me I want them to sponsor this podcast They were they sponsor Rogans well, but we're not near. I said like I want them to They did in the beginning though when he had no listeners. Really?

Yeah. When was that? I don't know. Brogans Park, yes, it's had like 500,000 listeners from day one. Brogans never not been famous. He did the iPhone 2 though. He did the iPhone 2. Really?

What are you a fucking historian of two? Brogans, I look to a lot of podcasts. Yeah. He did the thing too. So, what do you do with this? Now, I take this flashlight, flashlight, and I take it, I loo it up, I have the loo. I do it. I do it up, I do it up.

I do it up, I do it up, I do it up. I do it up, I do it up, I do it up, I do it up. I do it up, I do it up, I do it up, I do it up. So, how do you fucking clean it? That's the fucking grossest part, because that's why I've used it like six times, and it's unusable. I'll tell you,

because I had a half a I had a half a torso when the You threw the head out rubber the rubber ass and I wanted on a radio show It's a replica of this point style is pussy and asshole Yeah, and it's just the middle part of her body You put it on a bed and it's made of the 3G rubber or whatever it is and 3UG or whatever it is And it stays on the bed and you fuck it. You can literally fuck it like fuck the shit out of the asshole and the pussy

And it feels like make your own when you were little cuz like I make my own pussy no I was I did that cuz I was the first one that we didn't have fucking video games when I was a kid dude a Tari wasn't out you think I used to like soccer socks though. You're like the Magyber of masturbation, that's nice. I love it. Who would you fix at the chain? Would you fuck the torso?

Did you do it? I fucked it. Wouldn't you feel awful afterwards? Would you feel like looking at this fucking torso just like, ugh, I like coming. I like fucking coming. After you come, you have this torso you gotta clean out. I didn't feel bad about it, it was just a pain a pain the ass if it wasn't a pain in the ass

I would have I would have kept it. I made it to a pen holder for my desk, but It's it's um it was fucking fun. It was great It was I hate york enough jerking off stinks But you see there's no situation where you're gonna jerk off and just feel like I'm just like hate yourself now I'm not jerking off when I did the flesh. I tried to suck my own dick. I felt that way Yeah, yeah, I tried to blow myself on a tub and I had a I I threw my legs over my head and I'm a snap my own neck Feel bad because you break a few and then I fucking was just jerking off in a weird position

It was just and then I came on my cheek, and I was like, ugh, I just felt like I was raped. I raped myself. It didn't taste the same. Literally, that's what it. It wasn't really going to your mouth or going to your cheek. Yeah, but when did I, what a fucking,

I've tasted it before, but it was just like over there, and then I was like, ugh, and then I had to like, flip my legs back and not hurt my heels, because my heels would go like, kept, you know. I don't wanna hurt, I don and not hurt my heels. Cause my heels will go like kept, you know, I don't wanna hit my heels of my foot on the side of the tub. Yeah, it was just awful. It was just awful.

That was the only time I felt shit. He's sorry Ryan. Sorry about this, Brandon. I don't want you to see your friend Bob naked in a tub. Not even a big tub with just, the funny part was me trying to flip my legs over over my head I had to keep doing it and I remember I just kept doing it my dogs like going they started going back and forth Like what's going on? Yeah, like what Dave are in Kelbee, and then I hurt my neck

And I was like imagine if I killed myself and I just my cough just fell into my mouth They just found me like David Cardin I fell into my mouth. I just found me. Like David Cardin. So no, I don't jerking off, no, but it was a mess to clean. Yes, disgusting. Because with this, you have to unscrew the cap or the bottom and take the full sleeve out.

And then the only way to really even do it thoroughly is to like almost put it over the sink, like the spout. I guess, and it just runs down and it almost, it's fucking gross. But, and that's all clear headed. Like that's after you've come. So it's awful, it's shame and doom. Yeah, they don't have like a fucking,

like remember those cannons, you just like a big white thing, you can just stick it through. Yeah, well the thing I'm talking to you about with a tech talk, it takes this up a notch, that's why I brought it. All right, cool, we're gonna be doing tech talk today about that.

Yeah, I'd like a fly, I do it. I do it. Now do you guys use vibrators, girls? Yeah. You do. Wow, that was quick. I'm used to it before. I don't, I don't masturbate.

What? Fuck. I don't. Wow, that's a fucking statement right there. Niki! I don't. I try. Not even your own fingers.

You try. What do you try with a fucking knife? why do you not do it why what happened? I just I just never have my entire like I just I think I there was like some kind of shame in my childhood about it I don't I can't place it but I just I didn't know people were doing it until like my Early 20s and then all my front. I was like you're doing what and then I tried it What a what a lunch that is What do you do with your what it was it was like I had no idea we did that playing a bass guitar on your what? Yeah, I don't do but you don't do

I mean just normal because I know girls. I don't have like vibrators and stuff But you don't do I try I try literally I do try all the time you don't like it Wait you tried the vibrator or the thing? I've tried all of it. I have a vibrator. I have I've bought them over the I've probably bought like five over the you do me a favor stop real quick. The next one you buy can you go to ryecast.com slash Robert Kelly and buy it off Amazon. Absolutely will. Yeah please. Buy it off Amazon. Yeah. Can you never came off any of them? No. So do you have a juice juice? What goes on your head? You feel stupid? I feel stupid because I have to think about, I don't know what to think about.

My imagination is not good enough. And then porn is just like, it's not me. And I'm like, and that guy's gross. And like, I just don't, I can't do it. So I have to outsource. But when you have sex, you don't feel the same sense of shame or what you know. You feel totally fine.

And I can masturbate on the phone with someone as long as there's someone listening. And it's like a- Look how happy Bill just got. I can do that. And I can do it in front of someone, but there has to be an audience. If I'm by myself, I'm like,

so you're a true comic. Yeah. You're a true comedian. I can play with myself in front of five or six years. Someone's got to be there. If you're doing stand up alone in your room, that's how I feel about masturbating. I often find that women that don't masturbate can't come.

Oftentimes. I'm not saying that's you, but oftentimes women who don't do it. With your deck, you can come. No, no, no, no, I just, in general, like they don't masturbate, they're not going to be able to come a lot of the time. Do we, let me ask you a question. When you show women your cock, do they go, yes!

No. Are they like this? Oh my God. No. Oh my God. Because those are the two thoughts I had when I first saw. You beat your bottom lip and you looked at him and that, mm-hmm. So you use a vibrator all the time?

Not all the time, but if I'm dating someone, I won't use it at all. Now do you, Brian, do you think this flashlight stuff, do you like buy all this other crazy shit, this whole industry? Do you think it's just nonsense? Well, obviously it makes a lot of money, it sounds like. I mean, if you become a millionaire selling a flashlight,

if I, if I own the company, I said, dude, I like you, I wanna give you half of the business. Would you do it? No. Really? No. You have that convicted. I don't care that much about money.

It would be, I would, I would, I would, I would, I wouldn't, I wouldn't feel comfortable. A billion dollars. A billion dollars in your own church. A billion dollars. Wait, it's a save, a billion dollars in your own church I'm a billion dollars It's a save a billion people Right Wait, you wouldn't manufacture

You wouldn't invest or you wouldn't take Yes, it's a charity Because of what's wrong with fleshlites? Well, you fuck them Right, but they're not another There's actual life You take life and you gizz it into a fucking into a thing and then you wash So is masturbation in general just sort of it's masturbation matters. It's just this form of masturbation this bad

Is it just all masturbation or just certain types of masturbation? I think it's Personal for people different you know for everybody. Yeah, well, I'm going to heaven I think it's personal for people different, you know, for everybody. Well, I'm going to heaven. I think you are. Thank you. Oh my God. I'm going to heaven with a fleshlight for God, because hopefully, at least sponsoring this show. God, I brought this for you. Extra big gold.

It's made out of gold. It's like the pearly gates. It has pearly gold. It's nice. And gold because like the pearly gates and as pearl gold it's nice and look at Why do they call the pearly gates guys come on pearl necklace reference anyone I got the bandana But I actually want you to take that with you Perform with that bandana So all right, so you're gonna you're gonna hook up a flashlight When I did protect huh? Yeah, well we're gonna do tech truck right now. So right now guys. you're gonna you're gonna hook up a flashlight When I did protect hawk. Yeah, well, we're gonna do tech talk right now

So right now guys we're gonna wrap this up. You guys are fucking great. Let's do a little before we do tech talk I want to do a little get everybody's stuff out there. So what's your Twitter Ryan? Well, you know Ryan Hamilton Robert's favorite Twitter handle Ryan Hamilton tone Robert's favorite Twitter handle. Rahin Hamilton. That's great. I just picture you singing it. I picture you as a cartoon with those lead of holes in on. A cane and birds.

And a chilele. A little bird. Yeah. A chilele. A black chick. It's a leprechaun's cane. No, it's a... No one talks about it.

We just looked at Linda's. It makes her. You okay with that juggling, Doug? I really am just to talk to that. We just looked at Linda to make sure she's you okay with that joke Linda. I really am just a hack like I know like a black person. Hey. I had somebody tweet one of my jokes. You know, no, Andrew Zimmerman. Was our foods guy?

Oh, yeah, Zimmer is actually his name. I don't me to be Jewish To defend the Jews. Obviously a fan of yours. You should probably get his name. He's not a fan of mine. He's really not He tweeted one of your jokes. Well, here's a thing. Okay, somebody told him one of my jokes. He retweeted it But the guy fucked up the joke. It was the joke about And a fucking maybe so mad, but now I I can't go back. Well the joke really was this And it fucking made me so mad, but now I can't go back. Well, the joke really was this. Of course.

My version might offend them. I don't know. I'm a big fan of his. I follow him. I love his off-road. Yeah, you too. And it's a mother. He retweeted, which was great.

What is it? The joke was, um, um, spanks. It was about spanks. So, you know, they have the hole in the down there, because you can't just take the spanks off at a wedding. So they cut a hole out where the vagina should be. So it looks like black tides where the hole where the pussy is. And the vagina isolated is the grossest thing on the planet.

Just the vagina by itself without the legs is ill. This coming from a guy who fucked the torso. And I said it looks like something the guy from Bazaar Foods would take a bite off. The Costa Rican pussy fruit is, and the kid fucked it up. Just, just annihilated it. And it looks like, the pussy in Naila looks like something the guy from Bazaar Foods would eat. What the fuck is that?

Dude, the vagina isolated is a such a great sense Yeah, this fucking asshole. So if you listen fix that shit Anyway, so you're we're gonna be gonna be up in Montreal right Montreal Ruestri tea feathers. Where's that? Where's Sunny? Sunny, the A. California? This is coming out in the 6th of August Sunny California, this is coming out on the 6th of August. Oh, okay. Yeah, I think I'll be just finishing that week August where will I be the next week Dallas? I'm in Dallas coming up. What's your website? Ryan Hamilton dot TV

I can't get dot com. I know I have the worst Live to it just that Ryan Hamilton live Comedy or something TV TV the fuck dude that's like the last people who found the internet yeah you know I would hate to you now just like rainbow scrolling on a fuckers right right and what it is all right whatever you can change that you can't fuck a flashlight but you could change that okay so fuck you and I'll change it all right'll change it.

Nick, what's up? Twitter at Nikki Glazer Instagram. Right on Twitter. Right on Instagram. And on Instagram. Oh, great on Instagram. So that's a great, fucking love one. You got me into that snap seed.

How you like that? Oh my god. It's changed the game. What's that? It's amazing. It's an editing program or app on your phone. It's like five bucks, and you can do whatever you want to pictures. It's a editing program or app on your phone. It's like five bucks and you can like do whatever you want to pictures It's it's awesome. The really steps up your Instagram just a little bit where people are like what the fuck is that?

Yep, but it niggie takes this is why I love niggie. She took photos just with the camera the iPhone that would just like whoa fucking crazy Really great shots. Yeah, I love them. Yeah, so we're gonna be comedy wise Montreal and then I don't know. You can find out Nikki Glazer.tumbler.com. Yeah. What the fuck. I don't know. I'm not on a website now.

I just can't even get the stuff. You can still use your Tumblr. I just buy you Nikki Glazer domain and just change it to its redirected and still use it. I know, but I don't know how to do any of that. I own it, but I don't know how to somebody fucking email eat both these fucking Not the left and help Just sitting in the tumblr is very hard yeah, I bill. What do you got going on besides fucking chicks?

Twitter at bill does that's pretty much it what's your website? What do you get going on old dollars calm and then laugh actor? I'm in Lafakia now. I heard you fucking had a movie that you want to me in oh It was probably a web series or something was it movie? Okay, maybe it was a web series you said movie I love all these web series guys call it movies. Yeah, yeah Oh, no, I probably was but whatever. Okay. All right. What's up, man? What do you got Mike? This is Mike? He's learning. I'm just kidding. That's where his I am Mike Cannon on the seventh.

I'm at standup New York 1015 for a we're raising money for this independent pilot that we shot half of when we're trying to shoot the rest. Who what's the pilot? It's just I didn't write it. My friend Anthony Zenhouser wrote it and a few other comics shooting Chris Laker. Okay. Okay. No, I don't. Okay. That's okay. I don't even know you till today. Why would I know your friends? Hi. Go ahead. And me, Kelly. I don't know why my energy just. Anyway. Hey, you really bring it.

Let's fucking wrap it up. Nicky's playing with her eyelashes. Sorry, guys. Kelly for stew. Go on. KELYY F-E-S-T, U-C-A-R, and I'm doing a Christian Palanco show on the 9th of August hotel Shantel in Lower East Side and then on the 27th of August, it'll be barmactless. They're just two of the ones that got coming out, besides the laundromats. Alright, cool. Linda, do you want to... What do you got, Linda?

Where can we see your photos? Linda's taking on the photos today, so you can Go to Facebook.com, YKWD Facebook, page in all the photos that Linda's taking. They're gonna be up there in the video. It's gonna be up there too. What else you got? LindaTurley.com, beautiful photographer, beautiful woman, and I fuck her.

No, I'm kidding. I never fuck Linda, whatever. I'm being a black pussy. And go to YKWD.com, go to riotcast.com, check out all the podcasts, and make sure you review and subscribe to this motherfucking podcast. Get us up there every week, take the time,

it takes two seconds, you don't have to download it off of iTunes every week, get it wherever you want. I don't give a fuck, stitcher, fucking the website, we've got the new app coming out, but just go review and subscribe. I'm not going to see you get us up. There's some more people find us, more people listen to the show, and maybe we'll do this fucking more than once a week, once I can pay Kelly and other people to the show up. Anywho, thanks all our sponsors. And we're going to do

a little tech talk right now. Oh, yeah, you can see me at the Wilbur theater. That's right. Yeah, I reckon. Yeah, Wilbur fucking theater, I got my big show. So make sure if you're a fan of the show, get tickets now. Go fucking, don't wait that week, the night of the show and walk up, don't be a fucking douche, you make me panic and have the club call me,

doing a book, me, something, and tickets. And then you guys all show up at the last minute with what fuck you go by tickets. You don't make Bobby do breakfast radio. Come on. Please. My own fucking hometown. Can I just sell out a fucking theater when my fucking hometown.

Bean Town. Donuts for fucking 20 years kid. Fucking kid. Anyways, go by tickets. Wilburtheater.com. Take it master. I'll be there the 18th one show only and motherfucker. All right now we're gonna be doing some

Tech Talk with Bobby and friends All right, so Tech Talk is you know a Tech Talk is you've been here before We're gonna do a little Tech Talk. What do you got motherfucker? Well, do you want to do the pussy related item first or the other thing little tech talk. What do you got, motherfucker? Well, do you wanna do the pussy related item first or the other thing? Jesus Christ, what are you talking about? Well, because the reason I brought up the flashlight. You make the decision.

All right, sure. The flashlight, that's obviously, there's no electronics to it. There's nothing really besides, it's just a rubber sleeve. This new thing coming out is called the real touch and it actually hooks into your computer And they have like pre pre recorded porno that like thousands of them that it plugs in and simulates the movement of the vagina on

Screen it literally is motorized and has like Speeds that slow down and speed up itself lubricating and it cleans itself Repeat that do you have a time machine? What the fuck first of all, you two, get off your phones. You're not done yet. I thought we were done. No, we're not. We're not done yet.

We were checked out. Yeah, you checked out, but you're not. We're doing tech talk with Bobby and friends. I'm listening. It's not clean. It's not Bobby and the dude Mike that we just met. He's my friend. It's not Bobby and the dude Mike that we just met. So, so we got to get video of my thing here. Make sure when we're going to do mine

at the after we do his, we're going to get some video of this. Okay. Oh, so dude, so wait a minute. So you're going to fucking, uh, fucking cunt. Well, it sure really stops. I'm sorry. I'll keep it going for you really shocked. I'm really shocked. I'm really shocked.

I'm really shocked. I'm really shocked. I'm really shocked. I'm really shocked. I'm really shocked. I'm really shocked. I'm really shocked. I'm really shocked.

I'm really shocked. I'm really shocked. I'm really shocked. and it was all the point on it and it will simulate what that vagina is doing at that certain time what if she's being uh... gang raped by a bunch of russians because her husband lost a poker game i think it just sticks to the one whole or because she heckled at the uh... uh... that was a more of a ball that was a flat tyre

uh... fuck you uh... give that bandana the fucking Nikki right now You like it I don't I guess not Hang on no, I'm not in charge wait a minute. I thought it was Wow that just turned me on Why do I like being punished? What's that? I'm so confused, but so you're, it's like a flashlight obviously. And it has a video component.

Depending on how you angle the flashlight, it changes the point. No, no, no, you plug it into your computer. So it's built for online porn by you and me. And then at that time, can I just tell you why this sounds great, but here's the thing, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. for online porn. Yeah, okay. somebody single and fucking with dead hookers

And is trunk because you're gonna hook up to a computer and then hook something the you dick I mean look I try once I do it once just to say I did it, but I would I don't know if I'd buy that Yeah, but maybe that you know what it is though? That might be the future of it. That might be the prototype of where we're going. I mean, there might be a day when you put something on your brain and on your dick. And then you just, you know. There's not bad things too.

Have you seen that? Like they have ponderpussies that latch onto iPads. And you can watch point of view porn that you then fuck. Ah. Ryan? Who are you, my girl? You know, this is tech talk. This. Ryan? Who are you, Michael? You know, this is Tech Talk. This isn't fucking go-to-hell talk.

I like the E-Cole in Michael. I feel like a disciplining him. My friend Ryan over here has had enough for one day. I have another thing that is not section. All right, let's go. What's your other thing? Because I know you were a graphic designer. Yes, I am.

I know what this is. Yeah, do you know the, it's an Intuos 4 Waycom graphic design? This is pretty badass. Explain to people what this is. It's awesome actually. I work at a company where like they do a lot of graphic design and stuff like that. And pretty much this, you can operate this,

like you operate a mouse just by pen. Like you can move it across a screen, everything like that. So you can pretty much freehand draw in something like InDesign or Photoshop, something like that. It also has a ton of buttons and you know things that you could customize pretty much go to commands that you use often and stuff like it's pretty awesome It's amazing, but here's the thing. It's not for the average fucking dude You know, you know the guy who's gonna go out and draw. I bought one of these. I did, you know, because I was gonna do animation a few years ago.

I went out and bought one and I had my, this dude teach me how to do animation. I did one animation and I never did it. I did a, I did a dick. I did a dick over a birthday cake with candles and it sneezed, hot shoe, load on the candles and they're on happy birthday dickhead I know to take it I

Took me three weeks Now we just send it out to people on their birthdays and they go I mean that is a I've had the lower version of that, but that is pretty bad-ass. My web guy was how'd I hard-dick over that. But if you do do graphic design, if you are an artist, or you do animation, or web design, anything that you're gonna fuck around with, what is the name of it again? It's a Wacom Intuos 4 tablet. Yeah, that's a... where can you get that? You can get that on Amazon.com.

And how would you do that? You should have Robert Kelly, you know what dude? Yes, right. Ryancast.com slash Robert Kelly. Really got to the go to the you know what dude? I guess I'm right. I'm sure one of those. How much?

This was like 120 bucks. No, I thought it was expensive. This is the medium. The small one I think is a little bit cheaper. Yeah, they come they come with a different size pad. You can ride on because the bigger the surface, the easier it is, the small one I think is a little bit cheaper. Yeah, they come with a different sized pad you can write on because the bigger the surface, the easier it is, the more stuff, the smaller the surface,

the harder to get perspective on what you're drawing, but yeah, they're not that expensive, they're pretty well. They actually have notebooks now, like an actual piece of paper that you draw on, and it saves it on the notepad, and then you can just hook your computer up to it later and it will put it on your computer and then change it to text.

Yeah, you can manipulate it from the computer. Yeah, it's pretty wild. Maybe next week you figure out what you get that on. We'll talk about that, but it'd be good for comics. You can have this notepad right. And then it saves it and just hit save at the bottom. Right again, save, right again, save. And save and then go home plug it in and it goes right under your computer in your handwriting and then it will learn your handwriting

and actually make it into text. I'm correct right on that. Yeah, I'm just writing it down to remember. Okay, cool. The one thing I'm going to talk about is these right here. These are Bluetooth. What did you say? What do you call me? Those are cool. These are Bluetooth new headphones from Java, uh... would you say these are blue tooth new headphones from uh... job i believe it is uh...

then there uh... i got them at the ufc expo this is the stand there for some reason and uh... let me just make sure this is a takeover kelly oh hi everybody uh... uh... i've never bought anything to take care. I don't have any money. It's really hard to find Bluetooth headphones. Stop begging on the show. I didn't take over. I didn't say fucking turn the whole show over you begging. What the fuck was that? I don't have money.

Please I would love to be part of the tech talk. You can be shipping up, bring anything. It's like, I don't know. I didn't give you shipping up, bring anything. I just said, take over the show and you've go turn into a fucking poor me. All right. I wasn't prepared. I was checking emails. These, these right here are a, a job, it's called uh... headphones their bluetooth and their around seventy bucks but the thing that's cool these it lasts around six hours so i love flying with these cuz i hate the cord taking your bag off going to the thing

sitting down i've got caught on something rips out of your ear oh the fucking worst when headphones rip out of your ear it's the worst you guys have like the best information right? because you look because you get caught on a bag when you work and here's what happened you look like an idiot because people don't know

what just happened just like sneezing with the window up and you look in the and the person next to you with the red light looking at you like ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you look at you screaming so yeah and also when you're on a plane I use my my iPad. Oh my iPhone to watch movies. And having a cord from there to here, it's fucking, it always gets knocked over the pad. Bluetooth on the plane when you watch your iPad and your movies on your iPad

TV shows is the shit, because you can put it anywhere. And you don't have to worry about that cord. The one thing that sucks is that if there's movies on the plane, you can't plug in, which I wish they would make. I wish they make a Bluetooth and a regular headphone, you can just plug a plug in, and it becomes just regular headphones. I think they could do that.

That would be awesome. They have both, the option for both, but this isn't, but these are really good, but these are sports because you can their sweat proof. So I wear these to the gym So they don't fall out here. They have these little These little rubber things they look like they'd be hard, but they're not they're very flexible They fit really good in your ear. I thought I was gonna suck. I bought my first pair

Broken fucked up had to return it to the company. I was a little fucking annoyed because I told the guy Look, I got you know a podcast. I do this tech talk, I'm going to review these. And I see on the internet they give some guy with fucking, you know, a thousand people, viewers thing, they'll give him a free pair, right? Some fat dude in the middle of this country. I just want to review this job of sports mom's and they just subscribe and review they'll give that fat fuck a free pair but he made me pay he gave me ten percent off suck a dick then they were broken suck a dick

then i call them with the fight sent emails and they you know what they did a week later not even fed xme a new pair they just regular mailed me a fucking new pair i'm bob cali They just regular mailed me a fucking new pair. I'm Bob Kelly. Damn right, you are. Why are you talking about him now though?

If they put the spray. Look it, if it was a shit product, I'd fucking trash it right now. I used it for the week and they seemed to be really good. I like it, it's sweat proof, which I love. What happens with headphones all the time, they break on me because they take them to the gym, the sweat gets in the headphone, the speaker dies,

it's static, you fuck, you gotta toss them out, not these. You can sweat all you want and you can't swim in them, but you can sweat in them. And it's Bluetooth, when you're working out, you don't have that cord going. They're fucking awesome from walking around the city. When you take your bag off your shoulder on the subway, you don't have to fucking, like you said.

Stay snug in your ear. So snug in your ear, you cannot, these will not fall out of your ear with your running, whatever the fuck you're doing, because they have, they stole it from Bose. Bose has the same little thing. It literally goes inside of your ear and then the other part goes in.

There's no way this is popping out and they have three different sizes of these for small, medium, and large. How much are they? These are around $3,000. So they're not for the average comic. Hang on. No, they're 70, 70, 80 dollars. And again, you can go to Amazon.com through my website. Go to, we'll make sure you buy them through the, you know what?

Through website. Yeah. How do you put your, I've, what, you use the iPod or iPhone? No, I hold it. You usually have the headphones that connect like a behind my head because earbuds never stay in my ears. Yeah, I'm interested in these. But these will definitely stay in your ear when you're running. They do, and their light is fuck here. Hold them. Feel light there.

You hold your eyes. Don't your hands get sweaty? No. Because I've had ones that I've just broken. So where does this, this, will you put in your ear and show me? Yeah, you can put in your ear That was at the right one. Yeah, that's the right ear put that in now now turn that into the sea

What yes, I don't want to what is it you got to put the thing in though Yeah, Ryan's getting that pops in oh in your smaller part of your yeah see now my god. This is amazing That's crazy, right? It feels great. Oh, right, you're right. It's fucking nuts, right? Yeah. So I put an A about it.

Oh, right. Yeah, John Bersports, they're called. I believe, let me definitely get the right thing. What size are these? That's what I know. That is the medium size. I don't, the large one is too much. It might do me.

But they also have, if you want, they have sports Bluetooth too, which go around your ear, they definitely won't fall. Yeah. These aren't that ones, the other ones I have. Well, those, you look stupid on the train with. Yeah, I don't like those either. I like these because they kinda just stick in your, they look cool.

Yeah, they do. They're pretty bad ass headphones. Jabberst, just go to Jabba, whatever the fuck it is. Actually, go to Amazon.com, type it in. You can find these. I like them a lot, even though the freedom, that's what they call, jaybird freedoms is what they're called, jaybird, sorry fuck. Yeah, jaybirds, okay.

I fucked up. Is that jobah? No, it's jaybird. I fucking blew it. The whole thing. Jaybirds. Jaybird, jaybird. What they, we're giving you broken ones. Yeah. Well, they fucked me. Yeah, so fuck them. So Jaybirds, freedom, stereo

Bluetooth earbuds, they secure fit. That's the thing about it. And they're 88 dollars on Amazon right now. And they have used ones too. You can get them a little cheaper for 70 dollars. You understand that used means not somebody used them, somebody returned them or refurbished or something like that But they probably put them in there here before they returned them. No, no They'd have to they literally take the air buds out throw them away put all new stuff in so I I've bought in that ship Before but fuck it if you don't want to spend the other $18 and get them. So these are really good headphones That's it. That's it for

Talk with Bobby and Frown. This is a great podcast. You guys, thank you so much for being on. I had a blast. I think it was. Dan Soto wasn't here. Joe Liss, none of the regulars, but it was a fucking fun show.

You know what that tells me? This fucking podcast will go on no matter what. Because it's not the fuck, it's not who's on, it's what. It's who's on, but the thing is, it's you. It's you. It's you. Hey. Alright, yeah, nice talking to you.

Nice talking to you. You guys are the best. Thanks a lot. I'll see you guys later. I think you're stuck, you're stinkin' stinkin' You know what I'm deady? I'm stuck, I'm stuck in the water, I'm gone You know what I'm deady? I'm this fox, I'm this fox, I'm deady

You know what I'm deady? But this car sucks, it sucks, it sucks You know what I did? Really did, really, really, really You know what I did? I missed my key stick Don't stop filming my face.