Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Nimesh Patel | Cadbury Nut

Episode Date: June 4, 2023

This week Nimesh joins Bobby to talk about getting kicked off stage during his show at Columbia University, losing a nut to cancer, and how great Indian food is. This episode is sponsored by GhostBed Listeners can get 40% off all products sitewide! Use promo code YKWD at GhostBed.com/ykwd for 40% Off Sitewide. Limited Time Only. USE CODE YKWD50 TO GET 50% OFF YOUR FIRST BOX. THAT’S CODE YKWD50 AT FACTOR MEALS DOT COM SLASH YKWD50 TO GET 50% OFF YOUR FIRST BOX. Robert Kelly "Kill Box" AVAILABLE NOW at LouisCK.com https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://instagram.com/robertkellylive http://youtube.com/@ykwdpodcast https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It's comedy podcast This is it NPR That's the podcast done Is there any better show? This is the original Original What's up everybody? We're back in the studio, YKWD comedy seller productions above the world famous comedy sellers soon to be the comedy seller podcast studio. Yes, we are having our own network here at the comedy seller. No more as a riot cast. God bless. laugh button. Goodbye. Love you. Thanks so much.

It's finally the comedy seller podcast network that we are unveiling. It's not real yet, but so hold the applause, but it might not happen. But I almost maybe the may be studios. No, I'm very excited to be back in the studios. I got a great show today. First of all hit subscribe if you watching this for free on YouTube. You're nickel chaser. It's okay. And make sure you comment like and share and make sure if you're if you want to watch it live. If you want to be in the chat. If you want to be part of the, uh, the patreon patreon.com slash Robert Kelly, go become a member. It's the price of a cup of coffee and, uh, you'll be supporting the show and, uh, and you get to watch it live and you get a free episode every week and extra episode that nobody

else gets. The YKWD extra with me and mush, which is a hell of a lot of fun. That's what I've heard. That's what I've read. Uh, I've never read that. Nobody knows. I think that's what they say. Anyways, and make sure you go to comic grubbles.com. Thank you for all. Check out all our sponsors in the show. They help support the show too. You guys are the best. We got a great show today. I'm very excited. We

came in early to do this one. That's how that's how I was like, hey, he can only do yeah, let's go. Let's rock and roll Because my the the the the tizzy three and mush I'm ready to go and anything like a pick room of autism Tizzy three and mush Anyways, we got a great show max yeah, who's on the show today? We got a namesh Patel I'm Max. Yeah, who's on the show today? We got a Neumesh Patel. Woo! Listen man, we've known each other for a moment.

I've known you since you were a young buck. Yeah, since past at the seller. Past at the seller. 2016. 2016, that's not a long ago. No, me, but it's the seller accelerates the rate which you get to know people. The seller accelerates the rate.

You just sit in front of each other and bullshit and that's like, those are like your funniest moments. Like that's what you get to know people. The seller accelerates the rate. You just sit in front of each other and bullshit. And that's like, those are like your funniest moments. Like that's what I want to know. Like I want to know people in those moments. It's like when you're funny, you're talking about the most random shit that's going on in the world. Like that's when you get to know people.

When, where are you from? Jersey. Jersey. So you started in Jersey. I started at Vinnie Brand's famous stress factory in New Brunswick, New Jersey. We'll beep that out He did it. It was the bringer Mike on Wednesday night. I brought 20 of my cousins. He went up before me Which is not hard for an Indian guy. No, I mean I brought my time and he just went up and just shat on them right before me for like 20 minutes

Just roasted all of them. Wait guys in your guys in the end? What? What? Oh God, get your hearing aid fixed. They did. And then... Another worse than a fucking guy who does crowd work that can't hear. What is that? What? Oh God.

And he destroyed. And then I think Voss went up. He didn't listen when he had hearing anyways. No, I don't think Vinnie's heard a word that he hasn't said. You know, it's just everything else. Voss was on that show. Well, like, you know, Voss went up. I think Bonnie went up.

Oh, yeah. It was one of those, but it was a- Yeah, all everybody would be canceled if you had that audio. Oh, yeah. It was, I mean, I would be canceled if I had that audio. I made fun of, I said, Hillary,

what would one the election if she just sucked a dick on television? Ha, ha, ha, ha. 2009, okay, it was okay to make those jokes back then. Yeah, you grandfathered it in for a nice, uh, I'm ready for a cancelation. It's a poor joke, huh? Yeah. Well, you already got canceled.

Allegedly. You've been canceled. They tried. Well, here's the thing with cancellation, and for people who don't know this, uh, close up on me. I'm just seeing if my producer's actually changing the camera. I believe he just leaves it under too short the whole time.

Anyways, you were doing a college gig, Columbia University, which is in Manhattan. Yeah, Harlem, that's Manhattan. Yes, sir. I've done it. I've been there. I've done, I've done that. You've done the Columbia University.

You've done Columbia University. 100%, but I did it back when you talk about grandfather back in. I was on the cusp. I could feel the room being weird with me. I could feel it. They weren't in power yet. No. Yeah, with me I could feel it. They weren't in power yet. No, the the those people weren't in power yet, but they were Getting a little itchy like you know, they made like when did you do it? Oh, fuck it. It was a lie of hair

Okay, 90s somewhere. I did Manhattan College. I would do all the call you do I did you know all the colleges in New York fashion Institute Queens I would do the arts college downtown. Back in the day, colleges is how we made our money. Like when I came to New York, you wanted, you didn't want TikTok, you didn't want, and now that shit, you wanted a college agent. Cause that's how you're gonna make thousands

and thousands of dollars. Has a mediocre comic. You know what I mean? You weren't headlining yet, but you had to go to the college and do 45 minutes to an hour. That's what we made our bones to become headliners at clubs, at colleges. And you could go and say, I mean, dude, it was animals.

That's because back then, colleges were more a bastion of saying where the fuck you wanted. It was just a liberal, I don't know, I remember in, when I went to NYU down the street, It was just a liberal, I don't know, I remember in, I went to NYU down the street, and I remember like, NYU's the kind of place where like, liberals will fight for your right to say whatever you want, and then the instant you say it,

they're like, why the fuck did you say that shit? Like that takes it some weirdest thing. Now, every day, even then, I think. I mean, I don't know if it was like, I don't think so, dude. I don't know, maybe. But I remember't think so dude. I don't know maybe But I remember doing colleges and saying whatever the fuck you wanted. Yeah, but then I remember the switch I I only experienced the I think I did maybe one or two college music before that and that was I did pussy jokes in front of nuns Yeah, no, they just they just faced away from me. They were in the cafeteria with their dumb hats.

Which he did like, uh, uh, my Catholic schools in New York. They booked me and I says in my contract, I can say whatever I want and I told them, they go, listen, I mean, I don't know. She goes, no, they're fine. They're fine. I was like, it's a nut. They pull out their rosary.

Oh, we're going to pray for Bob. I saw one of them giggle at one of my pussy jokes. I heard a, I heard that. Oh, God. I, that was a lot of shit about Columbia. It was like some of them giggle at one of my pussy jokes. I heard that. Oh, God. That was a lot of shit about Columbia. It was like some of them were laughing. Explain to people what happened because a lot of people might not know. Because this 2018, November, I got hired to do this Asian American show.

And most people don't know from Boston that Asian isn't Chinese people. It's them too. It's the kind you're picturing and also my kind. Yeah, it's from Asia. Yes. The continent of Asia. They are part of that too. We...

I didn't know until I met Russell Peters. I was like, he's ain't Asian. He's Indian. That's why you can do what he does. I know, got it. But they invited me to do the show, and I was like, I walked in, and the abridged version is,

you know, I told the joke that they found homophobic and racist, but like, you know, I don't want to repeat the joke, but it it like, because I hate it now. After doing it so many times, but like, what can I, can I, can we hear it? It's a, I'm pretty sure it's about what was it about? It was, I said, you said the women, no one, no one would choose to be gay if they were already black because no one's doubling down on hardship, right? Yeah. And then you say gays cause AIDS. That was like at the end. Was that the end?

That was the tag. Oh, yeah, it was a tag. I mean, why are you guys so like, I got an applause break. I don't know what everyone was talking about, but, uh, and like that, that, I'm sorry. What was the real, the real, the real joke was that without the AIDS thing. Yeah, of course. I should have said that. That was the real joke was that without the AIDS thing. Of course. I should have said that. So once that was like 20 minutes in,

and I was doing fine. I wasn't killing, I wasn't doing poorly, I was getting my pockets alas, you know, the college. Yeah, and it's not set up as a club. It's like round tables, a massive auditorium, 400, 500 kids, like we've just seen poetry and break dancing and I'm the closing act. And- He have followed poetry.

Right, right, right. That's the wrong mode. Yes. When you get somebody into a four-ath-dial love of, you know, feelings, the clouds in my coffee, and then you come up and you're doing fucking- Yeah, and I said a print. I was like, this, I was, how old was that?

32 at the time. So I'm like 14 years older than the youngest person there. Yeah. And I'm like, look, this is a cosy egg. I know how this is gonna go. I'm gonna talk to like 12 people who fuck with me. Everyone else, like, you're gonna, I'm blocking you out. I'm gonna pretend I'm already bombing.

I already know how's it gonna go 20 minutes in I do that joke doesn't go the way it I mean it gets a laugh like the tag gets a laugh because I make fun of Mike Pence the janitor Geek keys jingling You had jeet keys jingling. That's cool. I'm gonna write that down. I'll do it. There was a group of people up front that started fucking with because I was talking about being from Jersey.

Some girls from Newark. And I was trying to do crowd work because I was like, okay, let me try to finagle my way into the next part of the bit. What was the crowd work? Just like, I was just taught, I was just nice shoes, queer. You don't like that joke? Home-own? No. It was just like, hey, where are you like that joke? Home-own? No.

It was just like, hey, where are you from? Oh, did you, how'd your parents grow up? I was just trying to get into mice. You were just trying to get into your thing. Exactly. But it wasn't going well. She was giving me shit. And then all of a sudden, I see the three organizers

of the event come stage left. And I was like, what's going on over here? And then they, like, in the middle of a, like, of a low, which there were a lot. They come out stage. Oh, so they waited till you weren't talking? Yes. And I'll at least they weren't in the middle of a like of a low, which there were a lot they come out stage. Oh, so they waited till the you weren't talking. Yes. Oh, at least they weren't in the middle of a joke. No, no, no, it was just like, I was like,

I could keep, I literally remember saying, I could, are you uncomfortable? And the girl was like, no, I could keep going. And then they answered, they answered by saying, no, that's enough. And they came out stage and they were like, how many? Three of them.

Oh, that means it was a meeting. Yeah, they, no, they, I saw them discussing like, how they were going to play it out. And then they came stage left. And then they came out stage and I was like, okay. And then they told me like, I was offensive. And I was entitled to some of the jokes. And why weren't you entitled?

Because I'm not gay nor black allegedly, but. No, what you, yeah, but you're brown. Yeah, you're by. You're close. Yeah. I mean, how close but you're brown. Yeah, you're by Man, you're close. Yeah, I mean how close can you get Jesus? If only I had sucked the dick on television, you should have just said I am get I would have been like first of all I am brown. Yeah, and they were white right? Yes. No, they were Asian. They were Asian They were you yes, they were two the other one to East Asian women and one okay South Asian woman Okay, so East Asian is Chinese, Korean. I can't call it what they were specifically.

I know, I know, because it's confusing. Yeah. Put your racist. Yes, of course. So, couldn't you have at that moment said, listen, I identify as brown and I identify as gay. If I were a better comedian, I would have definitely had a much better response

at that time. How do you know I'm not gay? And how do you know I'm not part black? You don't know anything about me beyond I was the first Indian writer on SNL. That's all you, that's the only research they did. Shout out to myself.

Shout out to myself. I mean, you buried the lead. We were gonna get to that at the end. Hey, you I'm gonna we're an hour. Yeah, man, let's go baby. But like that's why they hired that's why they that's why they brought me on the show, you know, like they had, you know, when I was at the show for a season. that that's a pro gay joke. I mean it's really not. It's a pro like you're you're doing a joke, a pro gay joke. You're not even. No, that's that's that's why I was so confounding because it was like I literally said this. Hang on a second. Please put the definition of confounding. It's it's confusing but a little more confusing than using your writer you're Indian, you're the first one. C-O-F-O-U-N-D-I-N-G, confound it.

And... I'm going to say, right down from right there. Just write it right here. Yeah. Yeah, hang on. I got a pen swear. Oh, that's nice. Oh, thank you very much.

That's what was so confusing for me is because the setup of the joke is really quick. One second, FYI, have this clipped this. Keep it. He's in the writer's union. He just wrote. He broke this drive. I want to report him to the writers killed. Please give me my home.

Which I'm in by the way. The best, the best health insurance in the market. It really is it really is So you just wrote oh shit. Oh, there you go. Keep that You just wrote a joke. That's part of the joke. I'm fucked So what was confusing the setup is this is how you know being gay can't be a choice because no one would choose to be gay if they're already black right like that Like who would do that on purpose? It's hard enough. Yes. Exactly. That's the that's the whole underlying subject. It's hard to be both. Why would you choose to be both? Exactly. It's it's it's it's hard on you from society. Yes. Yeah. It's a pro black and gay joke. Yes. That's that's like that was what hit it in. Hit it in the thing that a conservative could laugh off to. Exactly.

He had black and gay, they're like, yeah, look, black, why would you choose both? That, that, that, that triggered another. It's a great joke. Thank you. The trigger did not go off in their heads. And so when they came out stage, I was like so confused as a, and, and this is the, the worst part, not the worst,

but, but I don't know what their word is for once, is that for once, I know the word, I'll tell you the word. Go ahead. The, the sh, but I don't know what the word is for once. Is that for once. I know the word. I'll tell you the word. Go ahead. The shittiest part. The shittiest part is that I remember writing that joke on stage doing a cheque spot at Stand Up New York. Because I was on stage and I was trying to find it.

Like some gay dude that just made fun of me. I used to live in Hell's Kitchen and some gay guy would like make fun of me. Every time I walk past him, it was like a corner on 40th or something. What would he say? Why are you wearing that? You know just like goofy shit. Like, you know. What the fuck is that?

Oh, you wear it. Just like my socks in a match. You know, just like stupid dump. Like he was trying to hit on me. But like, I remember going to stand up New York, being on stage, doing a check spot, and like trying to find it, and there was a black man in the audience, and like, we started going back and forth, like, oh, this is how you know you can't, no one would choose to be gay, because like,

why would you choose that if you were black already, and the guy, he started laughing, I was like, oh, I got something here. Sure. And so when I was on stage, I explained that to them. I was like, this is, I got this joke from a gay black man Like we wrote it on stage together while it was bombing that stand up New York I found something in the room lit up. I was like, oh, this is something funny. Yeah, and I unfortunately I explained the joke to them like to the people on the stage and then you know

They asked me for closing remarks. I said some goofy bullshit How the world is this and how you can't expect to everything's gonna go your way, kind of shit. Like I was trying to be in a job. You tried to give a speech? Yeah, I was trying to be an adult. They cut your shit off. Yes.

They were like, now we're good. You tried to give Martin Luther King's speech. Yeah, I tried to change the world. I tried to change the world. I tried to go into a bit. Can you give me this speech right now? No, that's blacked out from my brain I you can make it you can make it up. It was a can I do it? Please?

Listen kids can you play some really soft music? They don't they don't have it with the American flag. He doesn't wave it behind him He can't do it every other show every other podcast I've ever been on they come up with music right away It would take him 30 minutes. And then I would be like, make the screen bigger. Not so loud, turn it up, turn it down. Not down more, up a little bit, right there. It's like asking my wife for a back rub, right there,

over, left, down, down, down, down, up, up, up, up. It's not worth it. I'm sorry, man. But like the, I had gone into a bit about a, I tried to save it with a bit that I'd done. I tried to see. So you kept going after they told you that's enough. I tried to make a bit sound like something on the spot that I thought of. Like as a, like as poetic, like heroic thing, like, you know, like, there's going to be a war between the Asians and the whites. And that's we're gonna have to choose a side.

And like, I try, if bomb's so bad, I'd done it on, on, I think Seth Meyers is some shit. And I knew that joke had worked. So I try to go into that and make it sound like a profound thing. But it fucking fell flat. The guy in the tech. Yeah, good. Look at the, you already offended them. They want you off stage.

And you're like, yeah, let me do a war jump Yeah, the whites the tech cut my the tech cut my mic Oh And that was it that was that was that was it and I walked off stage and did you get paid? I did I Mean the first call I think was to the agent. It was just like I need I need to make sure that nothing's in the contract where I'm not going to get the money that they owe me. And second call was to another comedian before they heard about it. Yes, exactly.

I think I called, I might have called Jared first. I called my wife, my girlfriend at the time, my fiance at the time. But, uh, Immediately, you have to call any time a comic has something like that happen. You have to call them. Yes., you have to call them. Yeah. And you have to have them what the fuck? Because you need, you need to be the one to spread it. Yep.

You can't have other comedian spread it. Nope. And I knew it was going to spread. I was like, all right, well, I think I'm out of called Jared first or I called Ricky Beled's first. Oh, I call one of the two of them just to be like, what you want to believe? And Ricky was like, that's hilarious. Of course, just that's hilarious. And Jared was like what the fuck this crazy.

That made and they all asked like make sure you get paid. So I called the agent. They followed up. I got the check regardless. And I think like in hindsight, like I probably should have been like you know I'm a fucking souser, shit out of Columbia. Why? Just cause it was such a, it was an opportunity to sue. Not, not that anything bad happened to me, but just like I'll probably would have walked away with some check that would have quieted them

and quiet cause it made them look bad ultimately. You would have made, it made them look bad ultimately anyways, but there was no consequence. Exactly, you wanted to give him a consequence. I should have, but nothing happened to them. Nothing happened to them. Nothing happened to the three girls. They got a lot of vitriol from online Facebook and shit.

Sorry, V-I-T-R-I-O-L. There. Unnecessary hatred. There you go, right in the middle of the cocktail. V-I-T-R-I-O-L. This is an SAT word. I keep the pen. So they got a lot of hate.

Oh, hey, easy, easy. They got a lot of hate. I believe you about the joke. Listen, man, it's not easy being gay, but like, they got a lot of hate that they shouldn't have gotten. You know, they were, why do you say that? Because they're fucking 20 years old like they in my head I

Was angry at the time obviously you know like the how I'm bad. I was more embarrassed than it was angry I was humiliated, you know, I'd film this shit There's like 500 kids there who I thought like I would have been new fans. I made some new fans But Canada new fans. I made it some new fans. But yeah, solid call job though. I was that was great. You're on the right. Fuck those bitches. You landed the plane. Yeah, I wouldn't want to be gay or black. Either, though, you're right. But no, that's not the job. No, it was it was embarrassing. And then on top of that, it became a national story. Yeah. That really bothered me.

Because why? Because I wasn't ready to be, it wasn't, I didn't feel ready to be a national story, especially with that set, because the set itself was not going like, it wasn't a stellar set, it was just like, imagine your college set went online. Yeah.

Can we get him a nap, please, just sweat it. Oh yeah, once these shits are on my ears, like my ears are my radiators. You don't have to have them on. You don't have to have them off if you don't want to. Yeah, there we go. This is clear. You're too good looking of a guy to be sweating.

Thank you very much. I'm also hit the gym today. Oh, I hit the gym too. Yes, sir. You got a trainer? No, you know what I got? I got YouTube. Oh, hell yeah.

You got a black guy on YouTube. Uh huh. Those are the best guys. I'm telling you dude, I got you know what I got YouTube. Oh, you got a black guy on YouTube. Uh, huh. Those are the best guys. I tell you dude, I do these workouts with just dumbbells. When I, when I, during pandemic, my, all my workouts, yeah, long it takes to get a napkin. Imagine if I wanted a sound bed. I mean, my dad's still out. No one's ever wanted a napkin before. Just a paper towel, something. Give me my own snap. I mean, can we just get a fucking napkin, a paper towel, a tissue paper, anything other than his shirt? Forget it. Forget it.

It's already gone. Sidebar pandemic, the only work outs I did were at home. Like in my apartment, there was this guy, I forget his name. Obey is British dude, this black guy like fucking prolic, all body weight workouts. But anyway, I do mitis. This dude, he does only dumbbells. And cause I knew when I got that surgery, the main thing.

Nice, a janitor's towel. Literally got a towel. Oh, brand new. I didn't want a towel guys. I asked for a napkin. Thank you very much. There didn't want a towel, guys. I asked for a napkin. Thank you very much. There's toilet paper in the other room. I think very much. Anyway, so it was embarrassing because I wasn't ready to be. That set wasn't the national. That wasn't like, I was like, let's make that the fucking headline story. You know

what I mean? I had just done Seth Meyers and that was fine. It was cool, but it was like, this was trending on Yahoo News. I think Lenny Marcus texted me like, dude, you're texting your trending on Yahoo! Like 730 in the morning. Like, fuck. Because up until that day, I was like, oh, this is going to die. But you understand why it's good. Number one, you are a minority. You are. you know, it's not like some, you know,

some wife was in Nickdapolo. You know, you're a fucking comedian, an Indian comedian, an Asian comedian, and you made a joke. And you made a joke about somebody else, a black and, and gays. And it was a pro one, and this is, you expose them for not your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your for, you know, something I'd done in the past, you know, that's a no shit. Yeah. They had done no research on who, what kind of comedy I did. Like if they had come to the seller, just once or twice, they would have seen that shit. Or they could have asked for a tape

from the seller, something like that. Right, that was a joke that I was doing at that time. You know, and I was like, they would have seen that specific one. And so, but going back to and I was like, they would have seen that specific one. And so, but going back to why I don't think they deserved anything, it was just like, they didn't deserve any of the hate. I do agree that they should, like, yeah, that's a pretty stupid reaction.

But beyond that, like, fuck you, like, they got a lot of mean shit that, like, fuck you Asian bitches, that kind of, like, the Asian women should have this now. I was like, well, that's not necessary. Well, those people are fucking, I mean, that's the racist. Well, those people are fucking it. I mean, that's the racist. Yeah, but that's the thing. That's the thing. And I didn't mean to write any of that shit. I mean, I appreciate the support, Bobby.

Look down at the Lenny Marcus. But it was just one of those things where... I honestly would say, listen, when something like that happens, it opens up the floodgates for all these assholes to come in and attack. But it felt like everyone wanted to make me a martyr for some shit. You know, like the reason the story went national is because Columbia's got a big journalism school. One of their journalists who would graduate, you know, forever ago, was then at the time

writing for like a right-wing blog. And she picked it up. And when she picked it up, she was filed by Tucker Carlson, all these people. They picked it up. That made it a national story. What was it, all young comedians hate Tucker Carlson? I fucking love that man.

He wanted me on the show. They emailed me twice. I said no. I was like, a bunch of people like, go do it man. I was like, now I'm not ready for that. Would you do a gut felt?

I did gut felt. Oh, good. And he was chill. Like, yeah, Tucker, I was not ready for that. Would you do a gut felt? I did gut felt. Oh, of course. And he was chill. Like, yeah, Tucker, I was not ready to talk to Tucker. Oh, he's just a guy too. I don't think I would have won that conversation. That's the thing. Like I'll get.

He had Lewis J Gomez on. And Lewis corrected him on the J. He's got a sense of humor. He went, it's J. Did he flick his bow tie around? He literally called Lewis Gomez. He went, it's J. He went, what? It's Lewis J. Gomez. If I'm not going to let Rogan get away with it, I won't let you. Yeah, but Lewis is an intimidating man. He really is. He looked like a prisoner.

Yeah. It looked like he looked like he was on the, if you didn't have the sound on, you'd be like, oh, he's talking about prison reform. He's holding him. Oh, yeah. No, that's actually one of the cartel leaders. This is why you can't let us out. I'm talking about agreeing with him. But it was a, it was a national story at the time and it wasn't, I would,

and it feel like it was ready to be a national story, but then when, when a Rogan texted me, I was like, all right, I guess I'll go to Rogan. Yeah, I'm good with that. Take it off, man. I mean, we got it. We did that before. And so once that happened, I was good with that. Take it off, man. I mean, we got it. We did that before. Uh, and so once that happened, I was like, okay. And then luckily, luckily, it kind of blew over.

You know, every time. But it take you what it here's, here's why I understand those girls got shit. But when you, when you do something like that, you're thinking that you're in your own little bubble, you're on your own little world and you can make somebody feel like shit. Yeah, maybe. You can go out and make somebody, hang on. You can go out and make somebody feel like shit, cut your mic, make your little decisions in your little world,

and that, and okay, it's not, it's only gonna, you offended somebody. Okay, great. You made a mistake right now. You fucked up, you don't even know what you're talking about. Nor did you even look into the joke or think about it. And they got consequences from that. Okay, so you know what? In my eyes, I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to admit it, you know, but those are just words from idiots. Fuck you. How about next time you shut somebody's mic off or you have your little witch meeting,

your little fucking shitty, stupid, nonsensical meeting about somebody doing jokes, you think about the joke first and understand that, hey, if you walk into this room, some, you're gonna be offended. You might be offended, and that's what comedy is supposed to do. That's the thing, you know,

what I learned from that was I'll never... You can't just defend one side. I'll never... Then it's okay. I'll never do a show where there's also break dancing. And... That's the show you think you would wanna do though. Dude, if you're into break dancing,

you're into fucking weird humor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, you know, I was like, okay, this would be a fun, easy check. That's really what I thought. And it turned out to be an easy check. Comedy needs, we need to protect comedy. When you go to a college, you need to have a thing up.

When you go up and say, listen, if you don't like offensive, if you don't like to be offended, if you get offended easily, that's what you need to phrase it. If you get offended easily, you should leave right now because this comic's gonna come up and they get to say whatever they want

in the art of comedy. If you get to show a photo of a guy sticking his fist up someone's asshole, or if you get to paint somebody's cock and somebody else sucking it, where are you going? That's what I teach, I teach photo and art at my house. somebody else sucking it? Where are you going? What are you? What are you? Oh. I teach photo and art at my house. But I only do it with things and tools at work. You've gotten to extreme.

Anyways, I've been saying that every other art passes off. You go to these, the fashion, people get their dits out. Yeah. It's like that's okay. I mean, in defense of colleges in general though What I will say is that the shows I've done since yeah, they've all known Yeah, and so now I have this license to do whatever and I and like the beauty of College students is that if something is if they're told that they can't like something they will like it even more so like

Like a few I did I had to do NACA, the National Conference, NACA is the National Association of Congress. If it's the, I had to do the National Conference. Huge. A month later. I had to MC the National Conference a month later. And you were a rock star.

And I did, I wish, man. Oh, they hated you. No, I told the story on stage I'll say I assume they would all know right, you know You guys don't know there's a comedian that got kicked out stage at Columbia not too long ago if you don't know story It was me and I did like I did told you to do that I assume they knew And it wasn't something I want I I was I I just took a bit that like some people, people will like it. Right.

And you lost? Oh, I lost that way. For sure. Like my booth was so empty. I think I got like four or five gigs after that. Man. But that was enough to like feel like I got something out of this coming here. But it wasn't like, oh man, this is great.

Like, three thousand schools. Yeah, yeah. You got five gigs. I got like five. You know, you could walk away with like 30 schools from that shit. But you dig better than Colin Quinn. Hebed after Louis Black. Oh got none really? I won he got one how long ago was this this is years ago. I was there. I saw it I talked about it a couple weeks ago on the update Colin Quinn or post update it was chubby Colin Quinn in a purple suit sweating

Okay, three thousand students ask him to tell you the story. It's one of the greatest thing I've ever worked for to hear in that. But yeah, and so I got like a few after that. I just did a college like a month and a half ago a month ago. Georgia Tech and awesome. Like like fantastic show. Shout Georgia Tech. Thank you for having me. Well, the thing that this is what I say to this is that you did it, it happened, it's good because now everybody, if you book this guy, this is what you get. Yes.

And now, and you're not even dirty, you're not even that edgy. Thank you. You're not, you're not, you're funny. But it's not a, I mean, look, I know edgy are comics than you. You know what I mean? It's not like Coco Diaz is coming out in front of, fucking, you know, he's edgy.

It's cool. I'm edgy. Joey. Oh, Coco. Yeah, me if I if I walked out and did a set. Yeah, I'd be arrested. I had a college for sure. I came to security. I told you I did two shows with Tracy Morgan. Oh, it's a greatest. Have I talked about this before Max? No, I haven't heard it. He's side by we were sitting me and Jay were sitting next to him at the next game not too long ago. I didn't watch the game. He just watched it. Just thought he's just yelling at you, talking like,

I don't even know him like that. He's the funniest person on. Greatest person to have around. Yes. He's the most entertaining person. I don't care who you are. You are shutting the fuck up and Tracy Morgan's around Yeah, okay, how much pizzazz you think you got?

Do we did I did two college with him right? We're both of them. He didn't get his check. Oh shit. Yeah, one Sam Houston University black school. I did it back. It's gone now, but they had a 100 foot statue of a white slave owner, Sam Houston. So as you pull up to the school, it was just this big, this white slave owner, they took it down since it was weird. Black school. Why would they have that? I because it was Sam Houston. This is what you're working against. Well, no, he founded the school. But you know, I mean, look, everybody was a slave owner like that. Yes. But he had the school. It was his school. That's a black school. Uh-huh. They honored him.

But then they were like, hey, maybe we don't need to have. Yeah. They caught you know what I mean? Yeah. Back in the day, they were like, oh, it was a nice statue. Is it? You know what I mean? But anyways, it's gone now.

But we showed up black school, which I love doing. Because it was always fucking either you either killed or died. Yeah, it was a real. I mean like club. Internal thing that was going on before you went out there like you I always had to I'm on my game. It's a you're on your game. This is game seven. And you lose your goes home and you don't want to bomb in front of, uh, you know, a thousand black students at a black college. No. Cause it's bad.

You'll hear about it. You'll feel it in your liver. Uh-huh. Right. So they come up to us before they go, Hey, it's, you have to sign this contract to be clean. We can't, you can't be dirty. And me and the other comical like, All right, fine. It's five grand.

Yeah. I need the money. Yes. What I can do 20 minutes clean, all right, fine. It's five grand. I need the money. What I can do 20 minutes clean, I can do it. I don't care. And so we signed it and Tracy signed it. It comes out after he's like, yo, we're artists. We're artists, man. We gotta be said what we want. You can't put, you can't put chains on my words.

That is good Tracy, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're like, Tracy, I, he's like, yo, we gotta band together. We're a yeah. And we're like Tracy. I was like, yo, we go to bed together. We're a gang. We're a comedy gang. Like comedy, comedy, comedy, express. Three musketeers. Right.

I was like, dude, I can't trace. I signed it. So I go out clean. The other guy goes out clean. It's not the great, but it's great. Fine. He goes out five minutes clean. Then he's bombing.

Then he goes, you have a fucking girl so bad, you're dickin' with a kidney. We were like, what? Yes, yes we have. He goes, you gonna take your dick out, wipe it on the curtain. And the father comes on, why is your blood on my curtain?

Dude, you saw a black lady, you hear her feet clicking, high heel feet, walking across a black lady, you hear her feet clicking. High heel feet walking across the bathroom. The kid who booked us had the checks on his head. He slid down the wall like, no, grab the checks, ripped them up. Oh, no. Basically, he came off, that was all right.

We did good, right? No, dude. No, then the next time they didn't pay you either. They didn't pay, they paid us after. We had a fight to get our money. Of course. Cause I didn't, you know what I mean? Yeah.

You didn't say, you know, fuck a girl so good. You both didn't get any. No, I think some shit about scaring people. Okay. And some silly shit about Marshmallow. Oh, it was baby talk. I did my silly Bobby Kelly shit. Uh huh.

Lot of energy. Of course. And next time we go and we're doing Princeton, I think it was Princeton. It's a step up. It's over in Jersey. Yes. And Jay Moore was there. Jay and Tracy, Tracy was on SNL. Oh, okay. And I went up, hosted, killed it. Jay went up, fucking murdered. But before he showed a stretch limo pulls up behind the school. It's like, what the fight? And Tracy can tell by himself with the case of Alizell. And he's got a diamond bell buckle.

And he goes, so, he goes check out my bell buckle. I got a Hollywood Boulevard. His diamonds and crystals. We're at a college. Yeah, we're in Princeton, New Jersey, man. No one gives a fuck. He goes on stage and he's having. He's having all right time. You know what I mean? There's a lot of Princeton kids, a lot of white kids, right?

A lot of white girls. Yeah. The dean, dean is there. He's going up, doing his jokes, and then all of a sudden, he's like, I'm Tracy Morgan from SNL. I'm on SNL. You can't fuck with me. You know me from SNL. Keep saying that. And then he goes, you looking at my stuff to a girl in the front row, 18.

18 white girl, you want to touch it. We were like, God no, please God no. Did she call her father? Right around stage. Oh my goodness. He does. It got fucking nice. He goes, go ahead and torch it. And you could see the cops and the dean were like, fucking, because if she, if he made

her, it was, he was getting arrested. And they started booing. Oh no. It was, he was like, I'm Tracy Morgan. That's a no. That's just a testament to you how many times you could get canceled But you don't they go you have to go back up. I'm like me Yeah, you gotta go back up and make it right and then I think I brought Jay back up Jay

I went up was Jay and that's another time to Jay was or just off And he was I think he was big he was and that he was big You know, he was just did Jeremy Guyer. So I don't the time frame of it. Yeah, buddy y que él era más grande, que él era más grande, él era más grande, él era más grande, él era más grande, él era más grande, él era más grande, él era más grande, él era más grande, él era más grande, él era más grande, él era más grande, él era más grande, él era más grande, él era más grande, él era más grande, él era más grande, él era más grande, él era más grande, él era más grande,

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I went, I am bombing. And as I'm bombing, I'm holding the mic and I'm like, yeah, all right, what the next joke? Let me get into the next one. She went, oh, we don't need to do that. Wrap it out of my hand. That's the end of the thing. Oh, all right, give it up for Robert Kelly.

Oh. And I would trouble you off. And I was like, hi, it was bad. And then everyone went to sleep. I really went in the pajamas. It's what I like now about, at least what's happening with comedy is that a lot of these colleges have budding comedy clubs.

What does that mean? Like new, like people who wanted to comedy, like they start the comedy club or they start like, this is the students who like jokes club. And so they'll like aspiring standups or aspiring comedy writers and they end up booking the shows.

Though then the comedy fans become the bookers. Now now like at least that's what I'm seeing like NYU has that Only I'm like NYU it Rutgers has that because there's supposed people are Starting to like comedy and like I think that's gonna save comedy at these college places where comedy now has become a real I mean it's become a very successful industry for people. We are, I don't say rock stars, but whatever, what it, like, it's about like the, we're hitting almost like a saturation point where it's like comedy's fucking everywhere. It's becoming mainstream, like everyone puts it. It's got, it's got, it's got what's going to happen, or what's happened before.

I don't know if it'll happen this time because of there's so much places to put it now. Back in the day, there wasn't that much place to put it. So it oversaturated a lot easier. And when it oversaturates, you get a lot of people who are who learned how to write a joke, but aren't funny. There's a difference between somebody who's funny, who can walk into a prison and make a bunch of prisoners laugh. And then watch them.

Lunchroom and make those people laugh and then go, you know, like, I got like calling Quinn, take stand up out. He's still going to be the funniest guy in the room, right? Yeah. He's still going to make his door guy laugh. He's still going to go over and in the park, make a people laugh. You got funny people. And then you got people who learned how to be funny for the job of it. Yeah.

Not really for the passion of it. I had to be a, Patrice had, there was no other, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you kinda, that will filter itself out at some point. Those people will find their lanes, and I'm not mad at that. No, that happening. I think it's, well, they filter themselves out, but usually get saturated and people start, when you go to a show and it stinks because the comic stink, you ain't

going back. No. And once that happens, TV shows, once they stink, once they were lousy, and they usually start like this, it starts out with specials, hours, and then half hours, then 15 minutes. And then hey guys, everybody's gonna do two minutes. It's called the two minute, funniest joke special. Yeah. That's when we're done. People are out of our mouth. Yes.

And they'll go to, they'll find something else. I think hopefully that's not what's happening with like TikTok and stuff. I think like, I hope it happens. I hope it's magic again. I hope magic magic magic was big. I would love to trace the like these You were when did you start comedy? 2000 no, not 1990 something so have you seen like a boom cycle like this before? Yeah, well I get right when I got into comedy, the boom just ended.

It was the, you know, we had Eddie Murphy and Dice, right? And then he got fucking whacked. And then we had another one in the late 80s, with evening at the improv, comedy's half hours, MTV comedy half hours, everybody had a channel, everybody had a thing, seven minutes of clean material, doing the tonight show or a let-em-in, that was king, that was, you had to do that, seven minutes of clean material and to be on one of those shows and then you were a made person. And then you would go to a festival and be who you were like if you're a garbage person

people going to Montreal walking them of $500,000 deals right and coming up they're all of a sudden they're famous right when did that end that ended late probably after 9-11 shit like that well comedy dot you know comedy had a reboot after all that. Yeah, yeah, okay, so maybe maybe maybe if it's in like 20 years cycles We're probably in like the decline. Yeah, beginning of the end kind of yeah, I would say so Uh-huh. It'll be a point where it's like all right not everyone can be a comedian like everything needs a chill well Caroline's is gone right yeah, Caroline's used to have a Christmas party that was the biggest comedy event in New York Uh-huh being invited to the Caroline's Christmas party was like, you made it. Uh-huh.

You know, and the seller couldn't even fill a Saturday night. Yeah. I was hosting at the seller till three in the morning. And there was like eight people. Now they have six comedy clubs. Yeah. You know what I mean? There's that cycle and everything comes to an end.

I saw Dave Chappelle was the first comic I ever saw alive. And it was in 2004 at the cell. That's a cell. I was walking past. I went to school year. So I was just finished my finals. I was getting pizza. Nerd.

Yes. And I was walking past. And they were like barking people in. For Chappelle. Tuesday night. We were anyway, yeah. Down. And they're like, hey, Chappelle's on stage, 20 bucks. I was like, Dave Ch. Four chappelle. Tuesday night. Who are anyway, yeah. And they're like,

hey, chappelle's on stage, 20 bucks. I was like, Dave chappelle's on stage. For $20. I'm like, oh, sure. I went downstairs. Dave is right there. You walk out my backpack on. I got this fucking beard.

He's like, your skin's a little too old. I was gonna check your bag. I was like, You should have been canceled. I was like, Goddamn, man. I sat there for like 20 minutes and then I was like, I gotta go, man. I was like, God damn, man, I sat there for like 20 minutes. And then I was like, I gotta go, man, this is great. But that was the beginning of the seller.

Yeah. That was when that's how the seller got its popularity. It's like, you know, that and then Louis and tough crowd and and those guys would just pop in. They'd be like, and they use it correctly. They'd be like, oh, yeah, Dave should tell us on right now. Lucy kids on right now. Yeah. Si felt is on right and people would go downstairs they be like, and they use it correctly. They be like, oh yeah, Dave should have been on right now. Lucy is on right now. Si felt his on right and people would go, now it says, and be like, oh, it's real.

It's fucking crazy. It's real. But what's, what I wish, I wish I had the bug then, you know, because it's so funny to me, dude, is that you walked in with your backpack and your stupid terrorist beard, right? Yep. And a piece of pizza and you just sold out the beacon, right?

Town hall. Town hall. You sold it out. Two of them, it's almost one beacon on them. You sold out two shows at a theater. Think about that. Think about that fucking, think about that from when you a college student, somebody told you should pals on stage, you come down, you do it.

Now you're selling out theaters. Theater. Thank you. Yes. It's been a confounding arc that I've taken. But I mean, I'm very grateful, you know, but again, that's all, I don't discount the luck I've had because I think. Is it luck or is it your life?

Both, you know, my whole life is, I'm very lucky guy. What, now you say lucky, is it that, is it TikTok have something to do with that? Look, yeah, I mean, I just. It's a famous on TikTok. I just happen to listen to people at the right time and listen to my own instinct at the right. What did you listen to? First, I saw Sheldt's like, what would I

take? I give Sheldt a lot of credit for making it apparent that we don't have to be so precious about our material. What does that mean? Because he was the first one in my life. I just said I'm sick. Put everything out there. And I was in 2018, right after the Columbia shit, 2019, I shot an hour at the seller, I sent it HBO, they said no. And I was like, all right, well, let me just put it out. And then that was like November 2019, pandemic happens 2020, and everyone's at home. And luckily like everyone just started watching stuff on the internet and I low and be old I had a bunch of stuff from the seller. I had an hour. I just put out so like that started making me think okay

Let me just keep feeding this machine and then over that summer my wife said hey She was working in social media at the time and she was like like, hey, take out. She's working at it. She was working at this company called Whaler, which is a social media marketing agency. Fat people. I'm glad you guys. That's awesome. I tell her as an ex fat person. Tell her I said that.

She was. She was working. They do influencer marketing for fat people. Yes, for fat people because they can't use their hands on the phone because their fingers are too fat. They use their fins. Right. And, for fat people. Because they can't use their hands on the phone because their fingers are too fat They use their fins right and They have to use chopsticks She said hey, there's this new app TikTok like everyone's using it's gonna be the next thing

And I didn't listen but then a few months later she from China. No, she's from Connecticut, so close So and then another comic-frensahib saying who who had made his own he's from China of course. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh Kid fucking hip-sing. Yeah. So yeah, be hilarious. Hip-sing fucking McGillicutty. It's just a brown kid long hair. Hey, say him. So he had made a name for himself on TikTok, doing like sketches and stuff. And so he was like, you should use TikTok. And I was like, okay, my wife had said it.

And obviously, I did the thing, I've not listened to my wife originally. Of course, why would you, you're a man. Yeah. And so. Listen to those brugs. Of course. Why would you your man? Yeah, and so listen to those brugs. It's right. Come on. It's gotta be it's gotta be a dude. Yeah. I only listen to Dix and the dishes piling up. Yeah. How much time do you have to tell me what to do?

Right. Do I need to give you more? You don't listen to me. I don't listen to you. We got a little vacuum broken. What the hell are you talking about? Tick-tongue. Ha ha ha. So I have a tick and talk. Get back into the... So I had my editor clip a bunch of shit out and luckily again from the seller, all those

clips that you know the Sogrations they give and they started taking off and I was like, oh this is... What was the first one that took off? What was the joke? It was a joke about an Indian cop. I saw an Indian cop the other day as an Indian cop. How did go? Fuck. Can you do me one favor before you finish that?

You keep playing with your shorts and pulling them up higher and higher. Sorry. And it might dick is getting it's working for you. Yeah. Good, good, good. I think I'm in the a pal for more than one thing You know, you stop raising you keep pulling your shorts up and playing with your junk It's this underwear. Yeah, stop anyway. It's freaking me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Bobby

Top of my hands right here the entire time. Thank you very much I'll forget what the joke was it's only about an Indian cop. Okay, so it took off how I cow like what my first My first TikTok was me just bullshitting to camera. Like I was doing a parody of a Kanye song. I was like, oh, Jesus, his Jesus album would come out. Yeah. And so I was made a joke about that. But then the second one I put standup clips out,

the second one I did, did some joke about an Indian cop. And this was when TikTok was still allowed in India. And it got, it's not anymore. I got banned because they have beef with China. And yeah, it's not allowed in India. I'm sure there's some Indian clone, but. I'm glad somebody else has a beef with China. Yeah, but we can talk about that,

but then we got to cut the cameras. Hahaha. Hahaha. Yeah, we're not gonna put that out there. They, they, that clip got like half a million views in a few days. And I was like, that's crazy. And so I just started putting match shit out there.

And all of them started doing really well. And then I had some dates lined up in March of 2021, like from like pandemic that had been pushed. And I was like, okay, well, let's see if I can't use TikTok to translate to tickets. So I started saying, Hey, I'm coming in my, on my standup clips, you can write like on the TikTok, you can write text. I was like, hey, I'm coming, it's part of the clip. My standup is finished at the end, like, hey, I'm coming to Houston, whatever the fuck.

I started seeing people comment, oh, come to Texas, come to Houston, when you come to Houston. And I started selling a lot of tickets. I was like, oh, then I kind of just anecdotally understood. If I name the A and E. Just try it. If I'm gonna look it all up after. If, how do you spell it? A and E C.

How many? I can spell, but I can't. I can have it with the strength part. Anac, dope, to Lee. I think that's how you spell it. There you go. Great. Um, I just started realizing that if you put city names in it, just yep, twist. Nope. City. Okay. Great. If you put city names, the video, the algorithm will get distributed to that city. Yes. Ah, fuck. That was my, that was my kind of secret sauce.

Annie, you listening? And, uh, and what like that started happening. And so I started selling a lot of tickets. And then I was like, well, I'm going to keep eating machine. And I had again tons of clips. So I just kept doing that. And that, you know, I've been doing that for since 2021. I want to say something, I've done that. And I started out and I did a couple clips and won them a million something. And then it just died.

That's the thing, you'll get shadowed. Like, my clips right now are doing poorly. But how? I don't know. Who's doing this? Who knows? It's something, it's somebody. It's somebody.

Keep blaming it on some algorithm algorithm something that doesn't exist and I believe It's something I believe that somebody somewhere and some Person yeah Asian no No, I love All of it No. Easy. No, I love it. All of it. Somebody push some click something.

Is something next to my and I'm telling you I used to get. Oh, I was on the I was in the board. I was so on fire on it. I had agents call me. Hey man, congratulations. Like I did it. Yeah. Like they were going, Hey man, you checking your social media, congratulations.

Yep. And I was like, thanks. I don't know. And then they shut it off. It's that I want Elon must to buy it all. If you buy it all and I want him all exposed. This is a great Trump impression, right? I don't know.

Cause I want him exposed. Lassantist, he's not a good man. He's a little man. He has guns. His wife is hot. I'd bang her. But listen, the thing is, TikTok, it was, you know, like I, I,

it took me a few months to not be obsessed with it because the first six months of it, I was going fucking nuts. It makes you feel good. Yes. It makes you feel good. And when you start selling, all we want to do is sell tickets. Yep.

Just come to our shows. That's it. And to go to patreon.com, search for Robert Kelly and become a member of my Patreon. You fucking YouTube, Nickel Chasers. Become a member of the Patreon. You'll see us talk all that Asian shit that we said we cut the cameras for. Uh, uh, uh, it was, it was,

oh, we got to do it. If you want it. If it was, yeah, go ahead. It was, it was six months of me, like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, paying a lot of attention to it and trying to figure out, it was just you. It was just me.

You didn't have like a person. No, I don't have a person. Because I have people. It took, I mean, none of them looked me in the eye when I talked to them. Is you calling them all a Tizzy game? Tizzy, Tizzy, three and mush. It was, it took me so long until like,

not be obsessed with it because it was driving me nuts. I would go to bed thinking about what comment I had to leave and then wake up thinking about the same thing. You have to comment. I was commenting. Like, yeah, you have to be engagement is key. Can you pay somebody to do this? Yeah.

I did. That's what it took me a while to like find someone to do that. So you have somebody. Yeah. Okay. Now I have some. Because I know certain comics have company. I had a company for a while.

Okay. I had a crowd surf shadow to them. They were doing like, so crowd surf. Yeah, they were doing, they did a great job. They brought me from, I think I was at like 300,000 followers

to like, now 1.2, but they were, They did that. A lot of my guidance, but yeah, they were the execution, execution on like, they were like, and they cost like three grand a month. They cost a good amount of money, yeah.

But you can do it yourself or hire somebody to do it. Yeah, I mean, yeah, you can do it yourself or you can hire somebody to do it, but it becomes a lot because it's every day and it's like a very tedious thing and that was driving me fucking nuts. And I figured if I'm paying that much money, the return is worth it because I'm selling out clubs

and theaters and shit. And so that ended up, I had that relationship for about two years. I just hired my own guy who does like editing, is like a bit cleaner. He's a cost a little more, but he's also more aware of the trends and I can talk to him directly. It was a guy who's this is his job.

Yes, this is his job. Great. And that was really, that was the sauce. Like, and it was just putting stuff on. Because I hire aspiring comedians to do all my stuff. And at one point they're gonna tell me to go fuck myself. Yeah. Yeah, motion's on the verge right now to go,

hey dude, I'm out. It. Because he is. I didn't want to, I didn't want to comic. Danny doesn't want to be here ever, but he pretends. Max has no choice for a while And Joe just likes cheese It was it just took a

It took me to be like you know what I cannot be if you're okay being on your phone constantly Then all power to you. Right. But it's hard. It's hard. It's, it's back in the day, faint. Just be funny. Get on stage, be funnier. People notice you get on TV. And then you'll find your way down that road. Now you've got a market. You got a market. And not only the clubs don't do it, you have to be them. They ask, Hey, can you tweet more? Hey, how about you as a club pay $3,000 a month for somebody to promote your shit so that you could get my show out there.

If I did that and you did that, wouldn't that be a beautiful thing? If we both had a lot of TikTok, Twitter, Instagram followers and we could both do it, wouldn't that be beautiful? It will be, I mean, but... Clubs used to pay radio stations. So you go on the radio and you'd sell out your room because local radio was king.

Now it's social media. Now it's, if you don't have a million followers, you can't have a Tuesday night. Yeah, well, I have, I don't have a million. Well, I'm just saying, you know what? I'll just tell me I'm no, but this is nuts. It's, it's, my favorite thing to hear. Well, can I be honest, you know, like, I just told me I'm no, I mean, this is nuts. It's, it's, it's, uh, what, my favorite thing to hear. Well, can I be honest with you?

Go ahead. I feel good about my fan base, because I, they do show up for me. Yeah. You know, I can always tell in my season, from September until now, is like comedy season. Yeah. When I worked my clubs, comedy connection.

And then you take the summer off for the kids. I take the summer off, but comedy connection, comedy on state, side split as Versailles, Mercurities, you know, all these clubs that are my clubs that I love, right? And I do well at them, I sell well. Yeah. And I'm happy, because I don't have a million people. I don't have that thing right now. But I have, I just have my rep. I wish I wish

I had a, I mean, my fan base is strong, but like every, every show I do, yeah, I'm like, so who's here last year? And it's like eight people. That's good though. It's great. I think that's the new thing, which I wish I could get into. But like you say, luck, to make people stick is a hard thing to do. And there is some luck. And look, I toured with Dane. I did 80 arenas around the country and Canada

in front of 15 to 20,000 people a night. Yeah. I was in front of, technically, I should have millions of people. They don't all stick. You know what I mean? Some of them do, some of them don't. You have to find your own people, your own thing. I say I'm like,

You still have as a mind are all dying. My fan bases, all the women are hot, but one tits bigger than the other. I talk about so much. I talk so much about doing drugs. At my first time, I'm like, I hope all y'all aren't doing drugs. You're not gonna make it the way, you know. But it's, I say I'm lucky because,

like, if I didn't do it at that time, you know, like there's. That perfect, yeah. You know, like, it was, there's a billion comics who have clips who are equally funny and whose clips would do equally well in social media. I just happen to hit at the right time with the right formula.

That's your path. Yeah, and I love Shulti helping you too because I call him from my special about a bunch of it because I don't know any of the shit. Yeah. He was so, I mean, he'd be walking his dog on a Sunday. All right, let me know what you got. Send me this.

Yeah. Though it's a change that, do this, put that up. Tell him not to do that. Close in on that. All right, that's it. Like he would, you know, really take the time for a simple, little weird that's like, uh, I was playing a, he would take the time to do that, which I'm glad.

And he's done that with a lot of people He's got a he's got a Slightly different to like he does he's got the resources to do like quality and quantity I was playing a high quantity game like I was just every day One or two clips. Yeah, just high volume numbers game. I'm playing a low quality and a low quality. Yeah, you can't play like Kwame Brown. You know, you got you got to check up shots. See that guy over there that can't look you in the eye. He does my social media. Well, Danny handled my coffee quite well. So thank you very much for that. Actually, Danny's pretty really good. He's good. Mush helps too.

These guys are great. Yeah, they're doing a good job. But like, I just got super lucky and I hope the luck continues. Well, can I ask you a question about like, I got a bunch of stuff I want to ask you to. We got fans from the question. Yeah. Two things that happened. Now, you're writing process. Do you wake up every day and write?

Because you're the first Indian or Asian writer on SNL. I was. Yeah. You was. Yes. How long you been writing on SNL? I wrote for a season. I was only there of season 43 so 2017-20 and then you bailed. I didn't bail The fired. Yes. Well, you don't you get fired, but it's not fired then it'll sit you down like hey, you're you're done They said they just let you go. They don't bring you back. Yeah, exactly. I didn't get rehired. It's the polite way that I tell my parents, why don't you think it's rehired? I felt, uh, they don't like it.

They don't like gays. Yeah, I think I had too much Indian food in the office. Oh, I tell you what, though, your food stinks. It's delicious. I was delicious. I love Indian food. I had, but I lived on the fifth floor of the, the, of on 43 and then one of the Doorman Building. We had an Indian family down the hall.

Boy did you know what they were having for dinner? Hell yeah, and you're like, can we have some? I mean, it's good, but it smells. Didn't you, wasn't your, guys really take that spice trail. What is it? You love your spice. Well, goddamn, right, we do.

You guys don't love your spice. That's the problem. We got salt and pepper. Yeah, that's it. It's so sorry. It's so much. I love cinnamon. That's the secret. Wasn't your when you did Louis and you talked about that the bang bang. Yeah, we went to an Indian. Yeah, well, he goes what do you want to do? And we picked it. We picked Indian. Uh-huh. And man, do I love Indian. Yeah. God damn it. I'll tell you the two of the best spots. I went to Indian food three times in my life. That's it.

That's it? That's it. Three times. I'm telling you, the first time I dated an Indian girl. And man, did I love her? But she was too much. She was too smart and wanted. You know what I mean?

She, too good hair. Now she wanted too much. She was too smart and what. You know what I mean? She, too good hair. Now she wanted a, she wanted a doctor. Got, of course. She wanted, I was a stand up. She saw me at the seller. We went on a date. She took me to this restaurant. I had a sit down on a pillow.

Oh, that was real. Oh, then. I was like, listen, I don't sit down on pillow. I'm from Boston. I'm like, give me a fuck. Give me a cheater. She put you through the test, real bad. She took me a non- sit down on pillow. I'm from Boston. I'm like, give me a cheek. She put you through the test real bad. She took me non-brett or something.

The bread and the salt. And I was like, this is the craziest shit ever. I loved it. I'm going to bring you, I got to bring a bunch of seller comics to the spot, this spot called Sema right down the street. Yeah. Only Michelin star Indian restaurant in the country.

And then Demaca, which is on the lower east side. Regular. Not Michelin star. Not Michel mission star, but should have one. Okay the same ownership group Second one I went to was at bananas in Pekipsi It was at it was a holiday and it was an Indian buffet. Yeah, yeah, I almost died. Was it bad? It was dude I'm sorry, but that was part of the deal you get the Indian buffet, too It was bad. I'm sorry to hear that and then the third one I went to was on Bang Bang with Louis, which is when he was like, let's go here and he found the place. You know, those people in the restaurant were live.

He rented out half of the restaurant. The other half were real people. Oh, really? He was just watching us like, the vowel. And we filmed it. We went in. We ordered the menu. And he had two cameras and he said,

we're just gonna shoot until we're full. And we ate for 20 minutes. And I remember at one point, I used the bread as a napkin. And they were like, that was fucking great. That's fucking it. I had the hot sauce. Chicken, butter chicken. Oh, God, was that good?

I'm gonna bring you guys. I brought me Mateo went to Demaca like a month ago and I brought some of the leftovers from Demaca to seller gone like two minutes. I love it. This is the best Indian food in the country. So you got Lekker you didn't get rehired. Right. And are you still are you still cool with those people? Oh yeah, I mean it was just Saturday night that this past Saturday night that Shay did a show at City Winery. And I thought it was just gonna be a standup show, but it was all the,

all that personnel people that were still in town. Yeah. Like they all went up and did standup or sketches or whatever. Shay is such a great guy. It was the best. I mean, even though he moved up to Westchester and then has never invited me to a party,

literally call me, hey man, I mean, you're neighborhood, we're gonna hang the summer. Not a word. I mean, he hasn't answered my calls in years, but I see him like, you know, once a week, twice a week. I'm gonna call him right now. Go. He said, I told him, hey, man, why don't you answer my calls?

I don't answer calls because I always think it's an emergency. Like, what an asshole. I need to spell it again. Che. Here we go. Let's see if he answers. Ready? Go ahead. I need to spell it again. Che. Here we go. Let's see if he answers. Ready? Go ahead.

All right, here we go. I'm just gonna see if he answers. We're calling Michael Che. See if he answers my phone call. If he does, he's a good person. If he doesn't, he's off my list. We're done. What time is it?

One. He might be asleep. No, it's two. It's two. Nope, it's two. It's two. Nope, not gonna happen. Cause it's after the third. I'm gonna leave a message. Should I leave a message?

What is? I mean, who does it? It's me. It's Bobby Kim. You're a fucking nothing. You are called. Ah. All right.

Oh. We're hot. You're the rest. That would have been hot. call. Ah. All right. Oh, we're hot. You're the rest. That would have been hot. I real quick. Uh, you have one nut. I thank you. Yes. Uh, I have one real one, one fake one. You have a, so you have the fake that have that they put across that again. And you got you had, uh, you had, uh, Staminky cancer. I had, uh, uh, testicular cancer. Staminky cancer. Cancer. I get to see it. Let's see a tiny way had a Staminky cancer. I had a testicular cancer. Staminky cancer. I see a tiny way to say Staminky. Staminky a K. It's not me. One of your Stamink is as good as bad as gone. How did you find out?

My birthday night last it was it was in February 2022. I just come off a like 13 showrun and in California and Texas and I was in New York for showrun in California in Texas. Wow. And I was in New York for like two weeks. Feeling good. Feeling fantastic. Made some money. Like more money I'd ever made in my whole life.

The parents are happy because you're not the doctor or engineer, but you're still, you're making more money than they thought you were going to make. I'm working. You're working. And I just shot a special in December. My first one, thank you China because of TikTok. Thank you China for all that shit. And I don shout out a special in December. My first one, thank you, China. Because of TikTok, thank you, China for all that shit. And I don't know why, I mean America's the one who gave you the shot.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know why you think of China. No, you're right. I mean, we're almost, I should, I should have called it thank you, America probably have done a lot better. Did you call it thank you, China? It's called thank you, China. That's the name of the first one, of course, man.

Wow. And this is nuts. I had just come off that tour and I done 13 shows in New York for my birthday, like two weeks off, hanging with my sister and my wife. And you were sucking your own nuts and something felt off. And I was like, this is a bigger than I thought.

It was just like, I was drunk and I was taking a leak at my apartment. I was like, this hurts. And it struck me as extra odd because if you're drunk and you're in pain, that means something's really wrong. You're not supposed to feel anything when you're drunk, right? And I had had a hernia before, and so I thought it was a hernia, but something felt wrong.

I was like, let's just go to the hospital. Cause I had writer's guild insurance. I could do whatever the fuck I want. We could get airlifted out of here if we wanted right now. I took that away from you. Please. He wrote.

I need it. He wrote. And I just went to the hospital. They gave me the ultrasound. They found a mass. And I was like, it didn't register anything. So you had to get your penis, ultra, your ball, your testicles.

My ball's ultrasound. Okay, so here's the thing with this. This is my problem with that. You had to take your junk out in front of people. Yes. Did you fluff? No, man. So you can you was it small? It was it was cold and Is it is it a hanger? Oh, it's a grower now to show her man. It was it was it was he was having a timid night But you know the lady who who ultrasonomy was super cool. Well, they uptight, or was it like putting bubble gum on a plate?

It was, I don't recall what it was, but it was not a comfortable situation. Yeah, wow. And the ultra-sandamy wife's staring at me while they're doing it. And I had to get my penis checked once and they were like, pull it out. I'm like, it is. They were like, stretch while they're doing it. And I had to get my penis checked once, and they were like, pull it out. I'm like, it is. They were like, stretch it.

I'm like, this is this, we must stretch it. What do you want me to do? We need more surface area. Yeah, they were like, pull it, stretch it. I'm like, leave me alone. Just look. And they found a mass, and I didn't think anything of it because I was like, there's no history of that

in my family. And I'm also, I know a little bit about just in general, what testicular cancer, I'm outside of the window for it to be anything serious, right? Because you're Indian. Yes, Dr. Cousins. You're a doctor, right? And you know, the window is like,

typically 18 to 34. And I'm 37. So I'm like, okay, maybe, it's not, maybe it's just a mass, a benign cyst. Go the next morning, they tell me to call NYU, because I went to NYU Hospital, and they tell me to call NYU because they're trying to keep the money in the family.

That's how this shit works, right? Call them, they say it's gonna take two months. Two months to see a doctor. I was like, fuck out of here, two months. Sidebar, my neurologist tells me later that the reason they tell you like two months, and this is like really sinister, so I don't necessarily fully believe it,

but I also kinda believe it is because there's more money in the chemo than there is in. And I was like, that's fucking crazy. That's actually coming out now. People are starting to reveal that that the doctors get paid through the chemo. So, yeah, the chemo, I don't know what the percentage is, but the percentage of healing people with chemo is very low.

It's like such a sinister and it goes back to that Chris Rock biz. Like there's no money in the cure, the money's in the medicine kind of. But luckily, I have insurance and I have doctor cousins. So I just called one of my cousins like, hey, you do know your neurologist, he connects me to his urologist, urologist buddy, urologist, he's the ultrasound, but he's like, listen, it's probably benign cyst,

it doesn't look like anything serious, but just get blood work. That's all you need, it's a blood work to determine if it's anything more than that. Within, you know, 24 hours, I'm getting blood work, another 24 hours of results come, they rush them. They find a hormone marker that says it's cancer. When people have cancer cancer, it's in the thousands. This hormone number, my number was 35. Usually it that literally 35. You had 35. I had 35 like micro units of this hormone out of like,

you know, whatever it's supposed to be. They're like, it's cancer. If that hormone is, it's supposed to be zero in men. It's a, it's a HCG that makes blood center grow. It's a, it's a germ cell tumor. She caught it right at the beginning. Like weeks. Weeks.

Yeah. And they were like, get it out. And I told my pan. How do they know what nut it is? Because that's the mass it was on. They have to suck them. Yeah. This one tastes a little if I imagine that was a test. There was some higher porn stars. That would that would now every man would get checked. Oh my God. I get checked all the time. If every dude had to go to my urologist. You're gonna go in and go, one, two, three, three cancer.

Cancer. And so once I told my parents, my dad was like, okay, what does your dad do? owns a liquor store. Okay. And my mom works in real estate, but also is like a chemist by trade. Wow.

And she's always like question the science, you know, because she was like, she said, okay, if it's cancer, sure we'll take the ball out, but make sure. Make sure it's cancer. Make sure it's cancer. How do we'll take the ball out, but make sure. Make sure it's cancer. Make sure it's cancer. How do they find out which nut it is?

Because they was on the ultrasound. That's the mass. So the mass is on which side was it? The right nut. So you're right nut. They're like, oh, there's a mass there. And they checked it, and they're like, we gotta take this. Yeah, because that's the only thing that would be causing the hormone to go up.

So they cut it out. They cut it out. And they, do you get to keep it? I wanted to keep it turning to NFT or something No, they they got it. They got it. It's chop it up funny If you just went to a park and threw it like a tennis ball Somebody's dog just went and grabbed it. It's a tiny little it's a little leechy candy size They brought it back to their owner like what's this Jacob? Oh, sorry, excuse me. This can't be it. That'd be a tick talk right there.

But every time I look at a ball, I'm triggered. Uh, they took the ball out, then they did a hormone test again. Homecoming back down to zero. Like, okay, we got the correct thing. Got that right nut. And it's now it's now like, did they put the new nut in then? Yeah. So you had to pick your nuts? I, that's the like, did they put the new nut in then? Yeah. So you had to pick your nuts?

That's the thing, man. I don't know if I was, if I was blacked out or whatever, but I just, they just put one in. They didn't ask if you wanted like an Adidas nut. No, they didn't. Louis Vuitton nut. No, no choices whatsoever. Do they, do they make, did you look in after like,

did they make like, like a Gucci nut? Like, could I have gotten a better fuck? I wanted the Balenciaga ball. They got the bees on it all. No, it's just the the doctors are like, you get a nut like have chase on you. Not then put it in. We go together now, man. They they insurance well, doesn't typically cover the nut.

The nut. What? Because it like scientifically or whatever they're like, insurance will doesn't typically cover the nut. What? Because it like scientifically or whatever, they're like, then you don't need it. Yeah. But, and I talk about this in the special and this is true, I asked the doctor,

like why do they put a fake one in? And it's like because psychologically men need to. Psychologically. Yeah, they're like, if you don't have, if you have one ball. I say if you come to the comedy salad, yeah. Hey, you're one. You're one nuts if you have one ball see if you come to the comedy salad. Yeah, hey You know one that's here walking a little lot lips lopsie lips. I didn't know whatever fucking lopsie

but it was it was The doctor I just woke up and he was like, yeah, what did you what is this? I thought you took one out He's like, no, I got I got you put a fake one in he He gave you a use. Yeah. I feel the string. If you're out, he's just going through a draw. Yeah, I'm going golf on this. How about that one? And I was like, why it's so big? It's so much bigger than the other one. And I was like, why? He's like, I figured you wanted a bigger one rather than a smaller one. No, how about the same size? He tried to match it, but it's a little bigger.

And I was like, thank you, doctor, for that. But I do not recall having the conversation of him putting one in. He's like, I just slid it in there because I knew you would want it. I was like, I did want it, but I would have at least gotten the big amount of a lineup. I'd laugh my ass off if, when you you die they find it was a Cadbury egg

This guy's just a mental patient. I Was like I knew you why you're stuck in it. I got your man. He's like hey Sarah watch this. I'm gonna put this in Happy Easter Like the junior mint episode of Seinfeld Someone was like watching from above and dropped the phone fucking Cadbury egg. This is crazy man. It was, that was the funniest part

of just like waking up and finding a nut. And then I did, I did the seller like a week and a half later. Of course you did, because you're a fucking dirty comic. Yeah, I had to go up and talk about it. And talk about it almost immediately. I remember I hadn't been to the seller in like months. Where's Psycho? And SD came down and watched.

You're nuts? She talked. You could tell that you're left one. I was listening. I was leaning on the side. So that's why you were leaning. Did not joke was so good. It was it was February 18th of 12th, I did the seller.

I had the surgery on like the eighth. And it was, I could say I'm lucky because, A, I found it very early. Yeah. And B, like, you know, after you do a special whatever you do an hour, like you don't want to do that same shit ever again. Now you got a whole nut.

I had a whole fucking nut hour in like, in like two days. I, in those five days that I went from surgery, from balls hurt to surgery, I was writing every day, talking, going back to the process. Yeah. How do you write?

Do you sit down with a paper? I just wake up and I, Computer. Yeah, computer. So you just what? I'll just, if I'll try to take notes every day of something stupid that happened, I'll try to the easiest way for me is to recap the

day before. If in that process of like thinking about just what happened the day before and not just anything funny, just like anything unusual, anything I observed, anything like that. And it'll be like four or five lines, but from that something will come or like, oh, maybe there's an angle there, maybe that's something. And then I'll revisit an actual joke. Are you going to add it on the computer, printing that out and bring it to the club? No, no, no, it's just like whatever's in here.

I should be a lot more active about like bringing notes to the stage. Well, you don't. You just go up with what you remember. You wrote down that day. Exactly. Or I'll put the new joke or the new bit in the middle of the set that's already working. So I have something I'm excited to reach. And then because of the the older stuff that works, you're in that mode.

Yeah. You throw that new stuff out. You're free pops. And then then I'm coasting for the ride down there. I can then I can be looking towards the closer. Yeah. That's the process that I've tried to, that's the process that's led me to the best work. Yeah. That's the process that I've tried to, that's the process that's led me to the best work. Yeah. And when I was going through the cancer stuff, I was writing, I don't, I wish I

wrote every day with as much discipline as I pretend to have. But I do. And you still be at SNL. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's okay. But that's my feeling. I apologize. Mike, man, I want my job back. That's my feeling. I apologize. Mike, man, I want my job back. Uh, it was that cancer process of just like right taking notes every day. Cause I know, you know, when you're going through something, like as a comic, you're like, oh, this is going to be something.

Something just happened that, yeah, something. And when I was going through that, I was like, this is something. Yeah. This has to be something. Otherwise, why would it be happening like this? Yeah. And, uh, every day something stupid happened. Right. Every day something insane happened.

I was like, I cannot believe, like I just, when I let this out of the hour, but this is true, when I went to get the blood work, this was like peak Ukraine, Russia time. Like Russia had just invaded Ukraine. The woman that was taking my blood was this Eastern European lady. And when she was about to put the needle in,

she dropped the needle. And I was like, what are you doing? She's like, I thought you were gonna hit me. It's like, what? She's like, yeah, the biggest men come in here and they just have wild reactions to needles. And she's been slapped before. It's like, oh, this your being woman's been doing shit.

She's seen some fucking hard short dude. She dropped the needle. I was like, that's fucking nuts. Go ahead and cigarette. But so every day. Shit ahead. Yeah, I miss my. Why do you talk to me? Yeah, I miss my chance. Oh, my God. But it was every day something crazy was happening. My grandfather caused the good old days. Just hit women with needles. And when that happened, like when I was going through that that writing process really helped me.

Yeah. A process what was going on. Sure. Because that, you know, people always, people tend to ask like, what did you feel? Like, like, do you have any like emotion stores and old things? Yeah. And honestly, like, I didn't. Like,, like, do you have any, like, emotion stores, all the thing? Yeah.

And honestly, like, I didn't. Like, I don't know if that's the crazy in me or if that's the comic in me or whatever it is. It's, it's, it's, once you're a comic, like even people like Chris Rock, he never went on anything, never did anything. We had charade on him. He was like, yeah, because he knew.

He had a new, he had a new, this is going in your act. Yeah. This is going in your act. This is going in your act. Yeah, this is it. That's how you feel it through funny. And I was like, okay, that's really what it was. And again, like going back to the lucky part, it was like I knew, like before I discovered,

I had cancer or anything that I was really concerned about going back out on the road I had I had two weeks off to go back to the same cities. I had done before yeah, I know I was like I got nothing. Yeah, now you got something now. I got something. Yeah cancer And I was like you got plastic nut. It's such a fucked up way to look at it But it was really how I looked at it. I was like man This is this is the best thing that's ever happened. And then weird. And nothing and thank God that, you know, it hadn't spread. Not yet. I just give it time. I've been smoking a lot.

If you get cancer again, will you come back on? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, my last, my last, for me, our last podcast. If you have to put another nut in, can we put like a YKWD marvel in you nut? Yes. I'll make that commitment right here. We're right it down. I got questions for you, dude. Go ahead, please. I got questions from the fans. I mean, we covered everything.

Jesus Christ, you're gonna be a doctor, right? I wanted to be a doctor up in some- What's up with Indians and being a doctor? You know, it's a- It's a stereotype. It's a stereotype, but it's true in India doctors are very revered They're like they people love them and they're respected members of the community not so much like here like I don't I get a lot of anger from doctors Because I talk a lot shit about them sure

But here when like my my parents generation when they came here They saw becoming a doctor, as a respected thing, but B, people will always need doctors, and it will always be a high-paying job, and you will always be in need, and you will be helping people to become one. And also, it's a great thing to do if you really want to do it. If you really want to help people,

and care about them all harder, it's a fantastic profession. Yeah And I wanted to be one up until my junior year in college when I got it like a C in Oregon and I was going through a lot of personal shit, you know break up my parents are going through some shit And like I just didn't have the heart to like suffer through it Dropped it remember to calling my mom. She I'm to this day, I haven't heard her yell more than that phone call. Like, she's, like, I was like, holy shit. You know, they're paying for my college.

Yeah. They're paying for the apartment I'm living in. Yeah. This is why I went to school. Yeah, and they don't get a refund on all that shit. Exactly. You paying back? Yeah, now.

You have money back? Now, like, and now I can. Did you? Not yet. Well, that should be on the fucking I need I need another two years look at it in the camera time dad. You know it's coming We we live we live the ads conversation yesterday good pay them their money back, you know scumbag I cannot wait to do that good. I cannot wait two years. I'm gonna get my dad one of these What is that that's the router remember we know yeah, look at this watch. Look at that.

I love that watch. My God. And you're gonna get your dad one of those? I gotta get my dad a rollie, I think. Just get him a rollie, you know. Get him a nice rollie. That's the, the Rado Ceramica is the watch that Indian men get when they made it in this country.

And you did it. And this is my dad's, they made it in this country and you did it and This is my dad's he got it in 1989 and Just it's such a disco watch. It's so cool. Yes, I love my favorite thing I got the the speed master. It's fucking beautiful. I love it. I love it. This watch right here I never you're the only person I've ever seen more. That's why I love this watch. Oh, thank you Great look of watch. Thank you, man. And it goes with anything. Anything and everything.

God damn what a nice watch. But yeah, so I'm gonna get my dad, a roly when I can. Yeah, and paying back for tuition. Yes, it's fun of a rich. But that's the reason why, it's because it's a great job and it's deservedly a respected profession.

Yeah, until your son quits and you're fucking out $120,000 because asshole has a dream. Now the dream paid off. The dream is paid off. Give them their money back. Oh, it's coming. It's coming for sure. And the watch. And the watch for sure. Get me a watch too. I got you. All right. This doesn't hurt that much. There's no speed mass. I don't hurt this much either. All right, listen, we got questions. Chuckle Fucker, O-808.

Oh, god. What a hacky name. It's gonna be. Would you perform at a college again after what happened at Columbia? A thousand percent. I have. They've been great. Georgia Tech was the last one I did.

Thank you, Georgia Tech. And they love you now, because they know what you are. Yeah. You know what you are. Yeah. You know what I say, when I do shows at clubs sometimes of certain venues, I go, Talmud's an R-rated show. I've done X-rated too, I go, Talmud's X-rated. Because then I go out there and I'm just kind of dirty.

They're like, oh, that was fine. But when you put them in the right frame of mind, when you say, hey, you might get offended. If you're easily offended, you don't wanna go to that. They go, nah, I'm fine. You put, when they say, hey, you might get offended. If you're easy offended, you don't want to go to that. They go, no, I'm fine. When they hear something offensive, it doesn't hurt them. It's all that's a take. When you tell them you have to be offended. You have to act, you have to react. They freak out. They're little victims. Take away that bullshit and they'll be able to be fine. Remind them that they're people and that they've heard all this shit before and some variation

to be okay. But yeah, that's gonna be great. A thousand percent. I'll go back to a college if you're a book or chucklefucker, how about me? Big Ben cock 69. Not gonna be a good question. No, no. Maybe.

I say no. What are your, what are your takes on the nuances between Israel and Palestine? Oh. This is actually very close. How does writing for the Oscars differ from writing for the White House correspondent dinner? Oh, that's a great question. That's a great question. From Big Ben Cox, 69.

Yeah. Well, a lot of the process is a lot of the process is the same in that you're throwing jokes at a very respected comedian. Yeah. The Oscars was a bit longer. in that you're throwing jokes at a very respected comedian. The Oscars was a bit longer. And one you're talking about movies that no one will care about in one year. And the other one you're crying about, journalists,

that no one will care. In one year. Yeah, once. No one's seen. None of the Oscar movies we care about that year. No one gives a fuck. No one cares. But it's the, the White House correspondence dinner,

I wrote on Hussens, it was like his kingmaker. Like he, I think that was one of the biggest things he did in his career that made him from like, you know, a guy on the daily show to almost a household name, because he went after a lot of, he called Steve Bannon Nazi. You know, that was I think David Angela's joke With Chris I wrote on the 2016 auspices with Chris That was you know 20 of us in a room like this big conference table

He's pacing around and his two head writers Chuck Sclar and John Max They're like holding core and we're just throwing shit at him. You know, that we write the night before and it was a process that was a lot longer and a lot easier with, I was very lucky again. You know, I was writing for Chris in the moment when that was when the Oscars were so white. Right. That was the one that was no black nominees.

Much hasn't changed, but that was that year when he was hosting. And it was, and when, when I heard that there was no black nominees, and Chris was hosting, I was like, Oh, like, I just closed my notebook. Yeah, yeah. He's got it, you know, and he felt the pressure of like, like, this is my moment. This, I'm the, this is like the perfect. How hilarious is that that was no black people. He was the only black person he was hosting. And then years later, there was all black,

it was all black and he got slapped by a black person. Yeah, I mean, is that crazy? It came full circle. Like that's the simulation is real, man. It's like, you want, hey, you know what? When it was all white, it was just a little nice dinner. And then you made it, then you made it fucking, with a BET award.

Yeah, you made it the BET award. I can shug night was in the crowd. You got slap motherfuckers, isn't that crazy? It came full circle man. It was, it was, but, short and, I have comedy jam. Yeah. Where was Vos?

It became a, I wrote for the auspices. He did gave me a basket. Yeah, that was I still have massage coupon. He was man. He made my expectation so high for those massage baskets. You didn't get shit. No, we didn't get shit That was you they also cut all the fucking brought like a war like baskets for everybody. Yeah, you know why? Because fucking stupid boss. No, because they they're hypoc You know why? Cause fucking stupid. Boss? No. Cause they're hypocrites. You know, they're like, you shouldn't get any. Why do you need, shut your mouths.

Stop trying to help the homeless. Give some money somewhere. Give me my free $20,000 worth of shit. Yeah, get a Rolex for nothing. Yeah. Now you get nothing. Nothing. Cause you, now you have to live by your own rules.

You dumb fucking actors We're sitting in a I remember the the writers room that night of was like maybe like the table was like this big We're just cramped together Sitting by a hotline Sweating drinking a bottle of tequila just waiting. Yeah a couple years before that you would have been for you had a fendy bag Yeah, there was a sneakers. I missed the prime time. But whatever it was great time. Sloppy seconds. Uh oh. Do you have any interesting interest in writing for another sketch show or late night? I would definitely a lot. Well, after, you know, during pandemic, my, my, I had a writing job. I was writing for a little late with a little thing, which

was a combination late night sketch show. Yeah. And that was a lot of fun. Unfortunately, the show got canceled, but. So you're go to writer now. People go to you to hire you. I was very fortunate at the time that my new manager made a call and they didn't even know I was available. And I was, I've been available.

I've been on strike for like three years, guys. Ha ha ha ha ha. And so they called me and I was like, yes, I would love to do that. And ended up being writing a lot of sketches. Yeah. And that was so much fun because I learned from Mike and from the show where I was an update writer on SNL,

but just observing like how they wrote in their process and seeing how a stand up takes, because Chase bonafide stand up. So seeing how he takes a joke from stand up and turns it into a sketch. Like, I applied that same kind of methodology to writing sketches on Lilly Singh, and I was only stand up on that show. And so it was like so much fun to see how I could take my stand up and turn that into a joke that turned into a sketch, you know. Now there's another question from Rage against the creatine. I hate, I hate all of you.

Raining the sketches of jokes you wrote for us and now that you're really liked that didn't get on. Again, like I wrote on update and so there were, I got very few jokes on on update for Jay. It's probably why I'm not. He doesn't like you. Probably. That's why it doesn't. It's the phone and he fired you. It's probably why I'm not in the show anymore. But he fired you. He got you fired. I mean, I heard that he's the guy that hires and fires people. No, that's he hired and fired me. I heard he fired you. I heard, this is what I heard. I heard he actually gave you cancer.

He thought it was funny. Yeah, he thought it was funny and then he fired you. Yes. When you got cancer free. If you kept the cancer, he was gonna keep you, but because you got rid of it. Can't be so lucky, man. Yeah.

Keeps me balanced. But I don't remember a lot of jokes that bombed and did not make it to air. I do remember, and this is a hat tip to norm when I aped one of his joke styles. He has his jokes out of him, eh? I wrote a joke about the cat lady, the lady, the social eye billionaire who spent all of her money on surgeries to look like a cat has declared bankruptcy. Worse, she looks like a cat.

That joke, like, did well and dress, but did not make it to her rehearsal. It did it. No, I mean, did not make it to air, but that joke, when I was, when I wrote that, I was like, oh, that's pretty fucking funny. And it was like, I was a shout out to Norm. Does that kill you when it doesn not make it to air, but that joke when I was when I wrote that I was like, oh, that's pretty fucking funny And it was like I was a shout out to norm. Does that kill you when it doesn't make it? No, it's you know again like it numbers game Doesn't matter. Yeah, I mean again the same check. You're there to write shit. Yeah, it took I mean it's like tick-tock Yes, it still hurts like from I didn't like it whatever, but you know it is at the end of the day just a numbers game

And uh, but that point in the show I already knew I wasn't coming back. I could just tell the vibe like I had gotten very Fue on and they were actually firing you to hire Rosebud. Yes, I don't Shout out Rosie but yeah, it was The feeling of not getting something on like it died very quickly because I wasn't getting a lot on yeah But yes, they answered that question that that cat joke, I love that joke. I don't remember the exact verbia joke, but yeah, that was it. Verbiage.

Verbiage. V-E-R-B-I-A-G-E. There you go. Twist. Remember to it. I mean, here's the thing, you're very smart. The common sense is a little fucking low on you. Well, I mean, who makes a fucking twist off pen?

I don't know. Good pen people. Yeah. You don't lose the cap. Well, I mean, who makes a fucking twist off pen? I don't know, good pen people. Yeah. You don't lose the cap. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Let me see that pen. Give you no deserves.

Sorry, it's all sweaty and gross. Great pen. Listen, it's been in my ears. I'm glad you came on, dude. Thank you very much, man. I'm serious. I'm glad for all your success. Thank you, man.

I love seeing the young bucks come up and pop out. It means a lot that you appreciate that. I do, man. It's not, I mean, I think it's great when I see you, mother fuckers, and you're busing here every night, the way we used to do it, every single night, late night rolling in, doing your spot, going somewhere else.

And then when you see, you're selling out theaters and you're popping off and you kick and you, you, you kick an ass. I love it. I have. Thank you very much. You're keeping, you're keeping comedy alive and you keep, you guys are all keeping, you're keeping standup comedy the way it should be. Yes.

That's the, that's the ultimate goal, uh, beyond, you know, theaters and all that kind of shit is to contribute something to the art as corny as that sounds. I mean, it sounds gay. But the thing is, I mean, it's still at me end of the day. I was at it. I mean, you gotta make it real. Sorry, so go ahead, Bobby. Go ahead, let's reset, reset.

Anyways, listen, you come see me live. We're gonna give you your stuff at the end. RobertKillerLive.com. I'm at, I'm all over the place, comedy mother ship. I'm in the same way I'd already be done by then. But just go to, I got my, I'm all over the place, comedy, mother ship. I'm in the semi-dark to be done by then. But just go to, I got my, the Boston, the Boston Comedy Festival, I'm doing a run in Ohio. I got all kinds of dates up there.

Go to my website and go to luick.com, buy my special kill box. The audio version is available everywhere. You can buy the audio version on Apple everywhere on luick.com. Also, comicwearables.com, get your regs, get your YKWD, get your fuck the cheques bot shirt. It's all at comicwearables.com.

Use code word ladybug and you get 20% off. If you're gonna buy some of this stuff wear it to my shows and I give you a big fat hug at the end of the show, guaranteed. Make sure you check out where you're gonna be. What's your, what's your, what's your, uh, please watch my special. specials called Lucky Lefty or I lost my right nut and all I got was a stupid special.

It's on YouTube, that's the full title. A long title, but I like it. Lucky Lefty. Lucky Lefty. If you're slow and then I will be, I go back on the road in June, I'll be in Houston, New Brunswick, New Jersey. Yeah, it should take it, so it's gonna sell out.

And then I'm announcing a theater tour at the beginning of June, I'll be in Houston, New Brunswick, New Jersey. Yeah, she tickets. It's gonna sell out. And then I'm announcing a theater tour at the beginning of June. I'll be doing everywhere from London to New York City and a bunch of West Coast everywhere in June to December. So I just know this while you're watching him kill on stage, one of his nuts is a Cadbury Act. Yes. You know that. He please read these while my crew gets get ready guys?

What are the words we learned today? Confounding. Confounding. Vitriol. Vitriol. Anacdotally. Anacdotally. Verbiage.

Verbiage. And China. And China. Guys, give you plugs. We got Max Marcus comedy. Jokes Russell on Instagram and the cheese show on YouTube. Follow me at at Mike Reese Warth. Speaker 1

At Danny breath on Instagram guys, that's the Tizzy three and the mush. These guys are here every week helping the show happen. So please follow them on all their social media, support them when you see them live. And of course, support my guest today who was kicking ass and he's got one nut. So we'll see you guys next week on You Know What The Podcast. Thanks for listening. Bye. Thanks for listening.

Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs.