Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Nipples in a Box

Episode Date: July 21, 2014

Robert is joined by Shuli Egar, Mike Hambrick, Dan Soder, Luis J Gomez and Chris Scopo.  RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno. Esta es la tres por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovezar de los tres por uno en medianas ad domicilio solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao?

3 por uno, 3 por uno, ah no no no. ¡Dominos! ¡Pizza! ¡You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what dude! On the Riotcast Network, Riotcast.com No directions, but I love doing it. Whoa whoa whoa whoa. Oh yeah. This is the worst.

Oh, ramp up, Lewis. All right, here we go. This is live. You know what, dude. Podcast coming from the right. Cast studios above the Comedy Seller in the West Village of New York City. We have a full house tonight. We have a lot of old people. Of course we have the rattlesnake

Puerto Rican. That's fun. Yeah. And that sounds like a derogatory term. You're like that rattlesnake Puerto Rican. What the rican? Yeah. We have Lewis J. Gomez. You can't forget the J because he'll remind you every fucking time. Yeah, Lewis Gomez is in the house. Yeah, but there's no J in Puerto Rican, is it? Yeah. Oh shit. I like him already.

He's got to be. He's got to be. Surely please introduce your beautifully toned friend. Sitting next to me is Mike Hambrick, who you may know. If you listen to Howard 100 News, is the lead anchor of Howard 100 News on Howard 100 and Howard 101 on Series XM, the man is a professional newsman. Have no idea what I'm doing here. Yeah, you fucked up dude. Yeah, I feel that way. You think Anthony Cume you fucked up. He's anchored the news all across the country for many many years and and and his great guy knows

this shit. And now I'm with Howard 100 and it's more fun than the law allows. I mean, yeah, it's great. But he don't I like it already? What? He is going to come over like immediately just be way better than Dan Soder as being the voice guy. Listen to that voice too.

That's cold. It's like laying on silver. Yeah, but the difference is he has something intelligent to say. And I have a really a much impression and hair. I really don't like going. Yeah, but the difference is he has something intelligent to say And hair Look I'm with you. What is your barber? That's like a black guy doing a black joke. I get to do the ball jokes I guess I get it. I don't care for Lewis's attitude this evening. What what's wrong with he's dressed like a goon from a 90s action movie He's dressed like a goon from a 90s action movie

Really is like one of those first karate arcade games like he's the guy that Steven Seagal beats up in the first 20 minutes The first henchman he's actually another guy He's the fucking rat that gives Steven Seagal the fucking info that he needs he looks like he should be playing at the world series of poker Yeah, he's got that kind of dick. He does look like an Asian woman It looks like an Asian woman. I think she should be trans. We got Dan Soda's in the house, A.K. and Monster Voice. We got Shuly, the motherfucker. Yeah, thank you.

We don't have a name for him. Well, I think he just came up with the motherfucker. Shuly, the motherfucker? I mean, I think we have that. We also have Chris Scopo, the producer of the show. We have the fucking best intern on the world future producer of the show as soon as fucking Scopo teaches him anything.

Oh, I told him I was gonna do. Jamal, we call him Jamal, until this whole thing blows over. Okay. Anthony needs as many black friends as he can possibly get. Doing some higher round. We are looking for specific things. And then we have randomly,

we have a friend of a- Or they are Margottsy. We have never got off Mike there Scott. I know nothing. Scott is a friend of Nome, the owner of the Comedy Seller, and he was downstairs and he's up here hanging out. But once in a while we have civilian squares, as we call them on the show, feel free to chime in, because if you talk too much, you'll, we'll let you know.

No, I just love the decor in here. It's great, right? Decor. And that's the show for tonight. We're doing a special edition because I'm going to Montreal this week, so I'm not going to be around. Must be awesome. Oh, boy.

Oh, look, man. All right, so explain your fucking tone, your passive aggressive tone towards me. Like, I'm booking Montreal. I didn't, can you help pass a progressive tone? I love Montreal and their bookers. You take a sunglasses off. So what's happening in Montreal? Well, I'll let you know.

Eating competition. We've been speaking friendship there. I kinda liked it. No, it's a comedy festival. The biggest comedy festival in the world happens in Montreal once a year called the Montreal Comedy Festival. I went last year, Dan went the,

Dan goes up, I go up all the time. It's almost, I think it's the one place where all comics around the world come as a community. So it's about going in new faces and getting stuff and meeting industry and meeting comics, but it's also industry and comics hanging out and getting the fucking, because we're all on the road by myself, Dan's on the road by himself. Lewis is on the road with some other headliner. So it's not like the con of comics. Yes, yes, exactly, but it's a film festival, by the way. That's not a comic.

Comic Con. I was just helping out the people in the room. Is it really? Con film festival, yeah. Oh, I thought I was doing Comic Con. That's not true. No, I made the same mistake. Did you really?

Thank you for that. You know, you didn't have to throw me under the bus with that. No, but let me be the only dumb dumb in the room. I's not a good idea. No, I'm not. I made the same mistake. Did you really? Thank you for that. You know, you didn't have, you could have thrown me under the bus with that. No, but let me be the only dumb dumb in the room. I could have done the real. That's what you thought. Fucking idiot.

And I was like, oh god, damn, that's exactly what I thought. I think I was like, I wonder if they're gonna play Batman vs. The Superman. I just an innocent comment. Oh, the voice is cracking already. Yeah, it is so soothing. I want to record him being like,

you did a good job tonight. You did a good job tonight. Yeah. Your's so soothing. I want to record him being like, you did a good job tonight. You did a good job tonight. Your father loves you. Your father hates your fucking guts. Well, he's dead. Unless you can go to another world and bring it back. His father's dead. His father's dead. His father's gonna be dead. Eventually. Yeah. Well, he's because he's the mob not serious that's his new nickname is serious scope you really don't take a joke well right I thought you were talking to Adrian not me that's what now his father's dead too I know your father's dead right he's not a spirit yeah I guess Bobby I guess that's

what that that's what that means scope a really doesn't have to take a joke. Yeah, scope a joke is seriously like I was back ordered on break work You know the pause at the shop that might kill him that's stressing about good point of Bobby Well someday I guess you know, he will I mean people die. That's what happens to human beings eventually Honestly, yeah, I'm just live we want another I want another band day. Where's my bomb band? Danor by the way? Oh, okay, leave it there, that's where it should be. I'm gonna call it the fucking cant tell a joke or take a joke, bandana.

Oh wow, let me have it, fuck. Just a lendan, you got that one, I was gonna make David Kelly. Right, here's the deal, this is the bomb bandana for you civilians and- The bomb bandana. So if you tell a joke and it stinks, which I'm sure you will

uh... we're gonna throw this at you and you need to tie it around your microphone so we know the last person who threw a stinker out there was and then shut the fuck up right now please keep going no we were and that we were in a tight tighter and tighter and tighter and by the end of the thing you you got to eat it if you told too many of them well it's a glad it's here So it seems to be tight pretty tightly Where it is now? That hurt

Are you getting the fucking hang of the show right away aren't you? It doesn't take me long. You can kill her from Man-Eater You guys both look like you lead the Aryan group in prison and you're fighting over the power We do Yeah but Shulie's fighting over me is the bitch Yeah Shulie's our middleman, he's our getter. He's the guy who gets, what do you need?

What do you need, boss? What do you need? You need cigarettes and a bird? I got it. Pump, pump, pump. So this is a sad, it's 11 o'clock at night. It's pretty, we all did spots tonight, right? Yeah.

No. And you all did real well, too. Well, not all of us. Yeah, you did. I enjoyed it. Who was your favorite? Ah, don't me. Come on. It's a Solomon like decision here. The split between the two. I mean, really? You were both great. So, but Kelly, I mean, if you had a pay. No, you have to pay me. No, I didn't really. I want to know if you had to pay. Who would you pay? I would pay to see both of them. But okay, but it was just that could be my dad the way his corporate answers.

Hey, really? Well, you guys are both terrific. Yeah, well, I spent 25 years in Washington. What did you expect? What were you there for? What you doing in Washington? Too much. What would you do?

Hooker is what happened? No, no, I was like a policy guy. I was a a policy guy. I was a communications consultant. Crisis communication was happening every moment. Yeah. By the way, all three of those things he just made up not to say what he really did.

What did he do? I can't tell. Why? Well, it actually killed you first. Classified. You do look like a hitman. About what? Remember the video game hitman?

Like if he got old. Every time I see him at work when I'm leaving and I give him a slap on the side of the arm like that It's a fucking oak tree this guy is solid. You really are fuck like he's killed someone with hand to hand no doubt Are you we in the military at all? Not that I can answer. Were you really? No, you're making me really interested in a sexual way Dude, you're making me really interested in you. In a sexual way. Listen, you know, you're cute, but you're just,

not my type. Oh shit, all right. I'm married. Listen, don't fucking fuck up myself, Esteem. I have a wife. I'm not sucking your dick. Dude, wait, he needs such a waste in the military with that voice, what could he do?

I don't know, sue the Vietnam. Yeah. Everybody come out of your house. Charlie, come out of the tree. Win the hearts and my Good morning Vietnam That is that but that is a voice that you could grab onto in the midst of combat if you had flash bangs going around you He's like over here. I gotta follow What to see my your necklace

Jesus You want to see my ear necklace. Oh Jesus. Where's mother fucker? So you're not going to tell us what you did in Washington? No, I did. I was a communications consultant, crisis communications. What's a crisis? What is that? That's a great way of wording that you had dangerous phone conversations. What is crisis in Washington every day life?

Really? Yeah. What is in Washington every day life really yeah fucking dead man she's fucking on the floor we don't take care of it listen to me put her in the bathtub she believes it goes down the drain I don't need to sink as a saw I want to take that saw and gently put her at the kneecap. I want you to take your finger, put it on the kneecap, go two inches down that right there if you cut directly through should be an easy cut. Can you come to Washington? We can use someone like you. Look at those hands. Jesus Christ, you've murdered people. He's all man dude.

That's the last guy you want to see at a fucking late night truck stop bathroom. Just a shredded old guy. Just fucking can just choke you out. He does kind of look like that old shredded dude from the poster that's like notoriously shredded for being like 80. He's notorious? For the load to you. I didn't know he was notorious. Nitorious.

Why was he notorious? I want to lose him and not bother. Why do you hate to sunglasses? Because it's just, you know, you can't. Can I tell you what this, that's exactly what he wants. You understand? You don't give it it. It's a inferiority.

He wants you to hate the things he does, so you respond. He gets, see, Lewis learned this. If I'm not going to get attention from my mom and dad because they're dead, I'm going to do negative attention from other people, and that's what he's doing. He's pissing you off to get you angry, so you take it off and the more you say take it off the more he's gonna fucking keep them on. If you just keep your mouth shut after a while he's gonna feel like an idiot because you can't really see us okay and his eyes are gonna get fucking it's gonna get hard to wear them inside. You want to know some crazy right now but I'm looking at Dan. Look at that.

He's not the first comic to do a podcast with blue blockers. I like the idea of nobody being able to see home looking at. I like watching people. It's a new experience. You've got an ultron. I'm doing sensory deprivation comedy. Yeah he did that. That's his new show. As we're all put sunglasses on and we do comedy in the dark So you really can't see us I had a good time on that show It was a great show the dark comedy show. Thank you Dan. You're coming back soon very soon. Okay, Dan really did you? Bobby I enjoyed myself you I hate you help me out. I Did you really let me explain? Surely, he ran a show, you know.

I've heard about this. Where a show is all in the dark? Completely in the dark, which literally is ridiculous because comedy, waitresses must hate it. You, no, they get a finger fucked. You can't see. So you're just hearing the jokes. Yeah, which is ridiculous.

So there's no sight gags going on here. Well, it's not that the sight gags, but you need to. So Bobby, just hearing the jokes. Yeah, uh-huh. Which is ridiculous. So there's no sight gags going on here. Well, it's not that there's a sight gags, but you need to... Yeah, Bobby, just because half your jokes, you have to skip into making the laugh. Oh, that was fucking good. That hurt. God damn it, that was good. Yeah, we was the kind of people I was thinking. It's challenged to make people laugh without using visuals

and without being able to go to crowd work. And also, the experience of doing it, it's fucking tri experience of doing it it's fucking trippy dude you can hear people breathing you can hear people in whispering it's fucking this guy sucks I wish the lights were on because he's a pioneer you can hear people go turn on the lights yeah he's smelling people the people that smell you because you roll a blade you know the people breathing is that what what is that about read people breathing well because what happens is your people breathing is that what what is that about? Three people breathing. Well, because what happens is your other sense is get heightened because you have no

set you have no sight. So it's like you would be one there. I was actually that was I was really funny. That's what Sam or I'll said that's the line of use is that this is CV wonder does it every time. Yeah, right. He doesn't do jokes though. Yeah.

Who's Sam or all you right? I think it's dumb. This is what I hate about it, that we come to the point would stand up, where we can't just, you know, it's not hard enough writing a fucking good joke and going up and performing it. Now we have to fucking shut the lights out. Now, I'm gonna have to juggle.

That's actually, here's what you're wrong. There's some stuff. Don't point them. Especially if you, don't fucking point them. On your level or dance level, or even my level, or I'm not like crazy hurting for fucking stage time. The truth is, you need to do things, you need to do things to get people that want to come out and see you regularly. And sometimes you need to think outside of the box.

And the truth is I'm getting 30, 40 people to show. What happened to the, now at the end of my show, I have you on audio saying on another podcast, what the fuck, why do we have to have all the bells and whistles that show? Why isn't it just enough that we've got to do it? I have you on audio saying on another podcast at what the fuck why do we have to have all the bells and whistles that shows Why isn't it just enough that we do stand up? I don't like shows Well, that was a shitty show. It was for the jazz music. That's weird Yeah, but you said you said I don't believe you need all the bells and whistle That's a parlor tricks

Parlor tricks To do why why can't we just do stand up? That was wrong. So you went to stand up in the dark from that? Let me tell you also, the guy who's doing that show is that is genuinely a guy who needs stage time. Can I if you're so good as genuinely somebody who's hurting for stage time and dying for stage time, she should.

Hey guys, you can see me at the Viper show. I do a sit holding a Viper. So I did a show in Italy next to a wine. She's in the chat room right now, by the way. Gally, hey, you fat bitch. You understand? Is there no respect here? No, there's respect here.

No respect. Only disrespect. No respect. You just treated them like a monkey. OK, come on. All right, take the glasses off. Just watch. Take them off. Come on. All right take the glasses off. Just watch take him on All right

I would love it if both your eyes were dead like your retinas detached of both your eyes with dead like your retinas detached. Do you sleep one time? I almost dog. I stormed my turtle when I was like nine. Yeah, true face. I I stopped feeding him and then I came in one day after like three weeks and he had no eyes. Oh, why did you stop feeding my angel?

I do forget feeding a turtle. It's always in the same spot. I had 80 day. So you stomped him. I wish I had a I murdered my turtle. I'm a mortal. You stomped him. I wish I'd I murdered my turtle. I I murdered you. You murdered your I know I wish he wouldn't shut the fuck up though to get the line and I was I was gonna say I wish I'd AIDS but he just yaps over me. You just made a turtle

suffer for three weeks. You starved your turtle. It was an accident guys. I keep Robinson's joke where his chicks'm going to kill your turtles, motherfucker. You know, you're now pacing, you have to be the killer turtle. Come out of that shell, motherfucker. I'm here. Like turtles eat a lot every day. You had to wait a long while for the turtle to die. Yeah, it was a wildness.

What is this about you? He had no eyes. It was terrifying. I see his little face. Not after you washed him. He didn't have any eyes. Why didn't squash him? Dude, that's like what serial killers do don't they? They killed the darker pets when they're like I didn't fucking suffocate him I just

Stomped in the dead. Hey Michael Angela. I'm gonna show you what I can take away from me He was just he was edging the turtle. He would get it right before passed out and then take the thing off it He was quiet stayed to himself never bothered anybody at all. No, it's not, look. What's he building in there? Oh my God, you made it into a store. What's he building in there? It's like fucking catch a predator all of a sudden.

I know. All right. He's building. What? What the fuck? He never poses grass. What's he building in? Why are you looking at him?

Why are you staring at him? I was looking at him. I'm looking at you. We don't know what he's looking at. You don't know who are you looking at him? Why are you staring at him? I was looking at him. I'm looking at you We don't know what he's looking. You don't know who I'm looking at here. Yeah, I I've never killed an animal in my life. It was an accident Yeah, well, have you ever killed an animal by accident? Never not once you've never hit some but like animal in the road Never said no road kill no road kill That was a good one. Thank you. Nothing Julie. He's a you never said You know, I was a good one. Thank you. Nothing Julie. He said you never said I got it I got it. That was a fucking great job. Say if you don't wake up, so I swear to God

I'm bringing ice car fucking suck it down. Oh, put in your blood system. I need you I got this fucking glasses fuck I got sweet voice McGee over here I got you fucking fucking eight beard You're fucking trash me and then I got fucking creepy civilian as it's at a word I'm old Nate's fine. All right. I need you you cock sucka suck it down We must be doing okay because you're not passing the bandana around because I'm getting hammered Everybody's got great ones. He said skip to my Lou joke This fucking killing pet with my fucking body

Fucking Adrian's gonna slam me next this fucking son of a bitch. I don't even dare to speak I'm just I I'm just bad. You can talk to where you from brother. I'm bad. I'm bad. No, I had a, he looks like Dennis and a menace father. That's perfect.

Where are you from man? We're from. Yeah, originally. State of Maine. State of Maine. Where you live now? Yeah, in Belgium. Brussels, Belgium.

No, shh. Oh, crazy. How do you make it out? How do you get out to Belgium from Maine? It's a long, boring story. Okay, yeah. I just, it's just not very funny. It's not, well, what is it? No Maine? Oh, it's a long, boring story. Okay, not just. It's just not very funny. It's not, what is it?

No, it's interesting. It's not going to be funny. We know that. I came up here. I thought this is going to be the jazz jam session. Oh, you missed that. That's downstairs. That's when Nome scares all the people out of his packed restaurant

by playing fucking jazz and old Jewish tunes. Oh, shit. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, play fiddle on the roof one more time. hacked restaurant by playing fucking jazz and old Jewish tunes. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, play fiddle on the roof one more time. Yeah, they're stopping on glass. If I was a rich man, yeah, I think we should go over to off the way now. How is your suit? What?

Little boy. I can't hear you. Can I have the bush? Are you just a giant giant boy in damn? Can you have the bush? Are you just a giant John Poe? So I'll give you guys some fodder now no, I'm a jazz musician. Oh, you're really what do you play? No, I'm a trombonist and get out of here No, is it trombone or trombonist? It depends on which part of the country three you're from oh a trombonist it depends on which part of the country three you're from oh There goes the bandana here

Right a rabbit right around a your fucking cunt Listen joeless sold her brother, which I just realized Julie looks like. He looks like. Oh. And Lewis, I don't know what's here. Lewis sucked the energy out of you with the dumb glasses.

The glasses is killing him. Yeah, fucking interesting. You know what I did? It's a push in the pool, man. I'm keeping on your toes. No, you're not. You just watched Jeff Ross said for 20 minutes. I could suck the life out of you.

Listen, here, listen. Oh. Bobby, it's Jeff Ross. Bobby, it's Jeff Ross set for 20 minutes. I can suck the life out of you. Listen here. Listen. Oh Bobby hit Jeff Ross Clash tag it. I love Jeff Ross hashtag that guys everyone good. Who's everyone go might unite you have four people They unite. It's four people. Let's it listen What do you own Brussels for what do you do really uh... i'm a music teacher which is no shit which is relatively boring but is it is it is it uh... like here that wouldn't pay that much i mean you went to brussels is it better over there now you're under something it's better over there this is why i live overseas right because it pays yet he was telling me only he works for the

the od and you teach kids who were military god yeah the od department defense thank you uh... thank you danford it's all it's a and you teach kids who are military. God, yeah. Let's do the DOD. Department of Defense. Thank you. Thank you, Dan, for doing it so. It's a Washington thing. I know the DOD. Oh, what? OK.

I just asked for the people in their chat room. Oh, no. OK. So I am definitely the odd man out here, because. Well, no, you're an artist, you're a musician. You're going to have some type of sense of humor and some type of tempo like so do you know

you've been on the only entrance of the play actually not i'm uh... first of all to you think teaching and playing all the instruments uh... i just had a i just had to pick up an instrument at at my age at a pick up drums in the last eight months and it's i mean i was right you know it's weird is that you go from person to person with an instrument

and they, everybody tells you something different. You know what I mean? And I just learned the other day, like I was doing rudiments a lot. So you know, carried it over the room. I was like, oh, it's hard. Yeah. Well, they're hard, but then I talked to Questlove

who's the drummer for the tonight show. Of course. And I said, that's a hate quest love. Oh, we're not. We're not doing it just yet. You remember, haha hey quest love oh we're not we're in just we're in there we're not name dropping

name dropping you don't need to do that by the way you don't need to ever cup the microphone your voice is silky enough don't ever turn into a black comic on my show again keep saying me some more of that chili sauce that's dead quest behind the music of Bobby Kelly.

So anyways, he told me he goes, who's there? Questlove. All right. I call him Q. Who wants to do? Who money? I call him French toast. Who wants it again?

Questlove. So here's the deal. Are we gone? It's move on. I'm kidding. I'm not kidding. Seriously, do it again. I'm throwing it like you're fucking ahead. No, but we, we, he said to me, he goes, yeah, you don't need, you have songs that

they got. You just learn how to sit there and just play the song over and over until nauseam. Just keep playing the song until you learn the song because you don't have to become a drummer. You have to become, you have to learn how to play those songs. You have to look like you can play the drums. And I was like, no one's ever fucking said that. I'm sending to do a parodidels for two hours. When that, he goes, that's just to warm up. You should do the rudiments to warm up and then play songs.

Well, I think there's a lot of parallels. I'm sitting down there in the comedy seller watching you guys and I'm thinking, you guys are fucking hilarious. But you should. But you practice that shit over and over and over. And then when you're performing in front of the audience, they're just thinking it's just, you're improvising. It's fresh. But it's stuff that you've worked on and you're ready to go.

Same with the jazz musician. You work on that shit over and over and over. But then in the context of an improvised solo, you're hopefully making it sound fresh and it's the drummer that's gonna kick the band and you know here's what I'm talking about. They're all cattle. But you know what I found frustrating with music teachers is that I remember when I was like 11 I went to take drum lessons and the first week. In two weeks I still didn't even have sticks. The guy never gave me his own stick. He's just yeah and he he's just yeah he's like a reading music

and I'm like give me fucking sticks and stuff so you're in my mouth so here are the top five drummers in your in your opinion top five who Steve Gad don't know somebody we know homo robber Kelly don't get up do what you'll buy me drummer from Paul McCartney's drummers amazing to what's his name? He's fucking great. He's really great I'm Keith Moon. He's fucking unbelievable. Well, there's so many unbelievable musicians Richard Christie How could how could you pick come in other than you five here? How could you pick the top five comedians? It's just, it's fucking unbelievable. Well, there's so many unbelievable musicians. Richard Christie. I'm sorry, it's hard to hear. How could you pick, I mean, other than you five here, how could you pick the top five comedians?

It's all subjective. I was just wondering what yours were. It's all subjective. It is subjective. And it depends on the context of the ensemble they're playing with and who makes them sound better by what they're adding to it. The drummers are really important.

What is your, what's your instrument now? What is it? I'm a trombonist. All can you leave for a trombon? I thought you were a drummer listen. Oh, fuck take your bugle and beat it I thought music in general like it. Do you know point? Do you Really? I really are you kidding me? Did you really come on? Like a billion devil

What can't we do moon dude why cuz he's just so old school you like the moon is not old school Are you crazy? He's been dead for 20 years, yeah, but dad you dad does that make him old guys? We're talking music, bro, not dead dads. There's a time to place. No, I'm just saying like, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, John Fucker I'm a true. No, no, you don't know what about me. Call me a motherfucker again. No one mentioned get your baker in Talk over each other what bottom moon can we have a drum off with who you and Lewis? No, I'm not a drummer I'll admit it. I know how to play the drums a little bit. I think Lewis can it was actually can play drums better than me

But I don't think he's a great drummer. No, I didn't at all I've seen you drop steps up for you. Yes, job. Quest love that first love Sure, you know what he is here's what how I don't know I don't like I know quest Like a great guy Relax with your fucking stuff. I'm not losing my podcast cuz you're a shit deck. Mm-hmm He is quest love. He do it again, I swear to God, you fucking bald, old lesbian. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,sels. The brussels made for brussels, bandana. The job Nate should really have. I love that you brought just a killing machine

and the podcast that you lose your shit on it. No, I fucking don't, Jesus. Just fucking breaks your finger. He comes over, steps my neck and leaves and then makes Lewis suck his cock before he leaves. That makes me, what happened? Make him in. I'm proud to have the bandana. I can leave and then makes Lewis suck his cock me for your lives Make them yeah, I'm proud to have to bend down I'm gonna do her in the first He really is a big motherfucker. I'm looking at his eyes up

Hand for me Lewis has big man hands. sure, see, shake his hand. Give him a hand, like fuck that noise. It's like, that's a later. Lewis has big man hands. Yeah, Lewis, you shake his hand. Shake his hand. Let's do it, come on. Oh, oh. Oh, don't do it. Oh, don't do it.

Oh, you're a boy. He's a boy. He buckled Lewis. What? Buckled Lewis. He's a squazit. Lewis is not, you a real ass dude, bitch. You gonna let this motherfucker break hands.

He's a boy. That's a far. This is bitch. You gonna let this motherfucker break hands Is crazy like literally my hands broken Hold your hand up to the camera Just tried to finger fuck a factor. It looks like you have cerebral palsy now. Uh, uh, uh. Uh, uh, uh, uh. I shoe horses. Don't say that. I shoe horses.

You would be that guy in Game of Thrones. Yeah. Yeah. Just the guy that they stumble across, and they kill his daughter by accident, and he just murders like 19 fucking Kingsman, or Castle, right? Then a fucking, then the dragon comes down and just burns him to a crystal. I, uh, I have no business with the old war I'm just a secret white farmer

I don't this guy A little bit of a weirdo I like the dragon, I like the old guy I see a weirdo Why do you think he's a weirdo? We were just talking to his twin That's why He's got a couple belts in him, so watch out He's like your friend's dad, really? He's a weirdo. We were just talking to him, he's a twin. Whoa. That's why. He's got a couple belts in him, so watch out.

He's like your friend's dad, really. He's fun. No, this is like my friend's dad over here. Just quiet and pure and boned. He's like my enemy's dad. He's peering through little doll eyes. He's quiet. He's like, hey, I want to talk about Vanderbilt.

He's quiet. I'll always stay to himself. You know what else they got over us? You know what else they got over in Europe? Hookers. Y'all like Vandy. Hey, it's like halfway between Nate and Dr. Steve. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. I can't even compete.

I don't even know who you're talking about. It's the American Rattlesnake. I think you're doing a great job. I'm sorry. It's like the old Nate thing about you, I'm really sorry about that. I really respect your broadcasting's like the old Nathan of Benzue, I'm really sorry about that. I really respect your broadcasting career and I am pretty terrified of it.

I don't wanna fuck you. No. That's not how you come at the American rattlesnake. The American rattlesnake's nice. Yeah, the Puerto Rican rattlesnake is the mean one. Oh yeah, this is the American. I lived in Puerto Rico. I know that.

Of course you did. They do have rattlesnakes. The Puerto Rican's are cool. They don't. Yeah, thanks. They don't have rattlesnakes. They don't have rattlesnakes. They don't have, they don't have, there are no poisonous snakes on the island of Puerto Rico. Really? He says it right. By the way, your persona's fucking.

Your persona stinks. There's no rattlesnakes on your dumb island, but that is not what you do with that. You're the one who rattlesnakes. You let us eat and pussy. The Puerto Rican Carter snake. This is what you should do. This is what you should do when you tell a good joke.

That's what you guys don't understand my backstory. I'm a rattlesnake that was raised in a Puerto Rican neighborhood. I had some the Puerto Rican rattlesnake. I'm a Puerto Rican iguana as bar. Lewis J Gomez if you cut off my tail and grow it back I'm gonna walk slowly across this highway. I son myself on a rock I will maybe buy you

Possibly can you see me? I blended in with this bush my saliva could be acidic. Yeah, I just ate a smaller lizard Stakes there's no snakes in your island gum gum no, I'm Puerto Rican and I'm a rattlesnake Anthony and Puerto Rico and not a random Poisonous fucking their snakes, but no point. Yeah, I Weren't you a potomists we get it we I mean What do you think Kelly did in Italy while she was gone? It's a car Jesus Christ. Can you settle that with at least say pizza?

I want to make the distinction of who has the bandana now. Lewis J. Gomez. Yeah. It came back and has the bandana. I'm going to get all on this. This ain't his first rodeo. Yeah, scared. Yeah, scared.

What do you think, Dan? What do you think she did on vacation in Italy? I don't give a shit. Besides load up on carbs. Is there's went places? Like what? Mom, the podcast is going really well. I got Joe the other week. He got so mad There's a lini therapies that I wish that Australian girl would shut up. I wish his fell on her

Just fucking swallowed Ravioli's whole like aspirin. Maybe she said it a captain I got a headache. Can I have four Reveoli's? Two Reveoli's calling in the morning. Can I have already had seven? You can't have more. But mama, I got my periods today. I need a Reveoli. Seven is my limit on Reveoli.

I don't even know where he's doing it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I'm gonna be here. She all of a twist. No, I'm just repeating what you're saying. I know, I gotta fucked up the accent. It was very good.

It was very good. It was very good. It was very good. It was very good. It was very good. It was very good. It was very good. It was very good.

It was very good. It was very good. It was very good. It was very good. It was very good. It was very good. eight. Let me tell you something Italy. This Kelly fucking eight and eight. And her sitting with her laptop open and like a shitty hotel window smoking cigarette is crying listening to this right now. No, she's not. She's excited. She's coming back tomorrow. She's in the chat room, isn't she? Yeah, she what she's saying. Kelly, you there. What are you saying? She just said, hey, guys, no, no, no, no, she just said, hey, guys, why don't you look and maybe she said some out of the only type of the one hand she's eating with the other How about an audience with the Pope?

You talk again so I can see what Mike to turn down No, I'm kidding You doing fine first you tell me to talk more Don't use the words words name But you believe in him say halaluga do not use the Lord's name in vain say hello Hey man, wow, I'm sorry me. That's what it is He's got your hands on the radio say hello. Why did I ask you to come up here? He's got public access preacher face It really should be unjustified

Take it with you, but you can send it ahead and it will be there when you arrive say how do you how many hookers have you killed with those Only 43 How funny would it be if that's how many we find any murder This is very publicity for oh my god. I have the soothing voice to be murdered The soothing the soothing voice serial killer you pick the wrong John tonight You're stupid slut. Excuse me while I slit your throat. I'm gonna make the lights go out. I'm talking or you will never see your family again. This just in.

I'm gonna choke you with your own hair. With the weather. But first, here's what happened. How it's not showed it. Good evening. I'm the news Let me smell your underwear I'm gonna take one earring and a lock of your hair. I'm gonna keep your nipples in a box I'm going to wear your Nipples in a box. That sounds like a punk band. That's a great name for a punk band. Give it up for nipples in the box while the fuck man. On the buck man. Scott, are you married? I am. I am to law. I love my heart. We got a baby named Horace.

I love old mate. What, how long you been from the future? I quit. I quit 15 years ago. I lost my accent. I teach music in Sweden. Where are you after the gardening business went down? Don't be in barring. Be in marriage. That's all folks. I should show you a picture of my friend that we're talking about that we keep calling you. Killing?

No, no, no. Jesus, I'm not that mean. Hey, that we keep calling you. Kelly? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no 24 years. And how many kids you have? It's crazy too. You have two kids. How long have you lived over there? I've lived in Belgium for 17 years. Wow. Is it expensive? More expensive than here? Brussels is an expensive city. But I don't know.

I mean, Castle Living is probably more expensive there than it is in New York. Really? What do you do for fun over there? I can't really talk about that. Belgian bitches. Oh! Oh, you can't hear me. Stop. there? Yeah, I can't really talk about that Belgian bitches Oh You can't hear no stop. No, no, you can't leave your my friends friend and I'm not having you Fucking ruin everything because you're trying to fit in with these losers on this podcast all right you

Not you I don't have any plaid shirts like that. Hey listen My daughter was giving me shit for wearing plaid shorts that look like that. Okay. Hey, I forget your name. What you name? Scott. So you're over there in Belgium. Yeah, and you live in Belgium? I live in Belgium. I live. I'm gonna turn your mic off. All right, you have that. That's never happened in the your 62 years career. It's never happened. All right. Only once. Okay, I'm only once when I was working radio and soul Korea time no it was Puerto Rico. I was on a base in Puerto Rico a little girl at a One of the hookers I was trying to murder and got away from it September 17, 1941 Okay, that will live in So so you're over there and you live in Brussels downtown or in the suburbs?

I'd love to live downtown but my wife wants to I feel like you know where the fucking thing is I've been in Brussels twice. Yeah, you guys are all welcome to come over. You've never even eaten Brussels sprouts Wow, I think that's sunglasses off the moon. That needs to move, I think after that. sunglasses off the bad man needs to move I think after you need to take your sunglasses That was so fucking bad that was beyond pun. Yeah, that was bad I knew it was gonna be bad. You should get time out for that. You should I want you to the couch

He's really sick. Oh, we have really cool on real cool bonds. Where are they go? Stay in the corner like Blair with you really carry them around? Yeah, dude Oh my god For Christmas we had a Yankee swap and Lewis because he's poor and it doesn't make enough money a comedy Had to make his own coupons cost which $22 a print this coupon which happened to be the best gift to ball Dan got them now. He has these coupons that he gets to use every once in a while and we're gonna see what he's got right now And maybe we'll use one I want a nice coffee. Hopefully there's a store one in there What must complete three acts of kindness nothing now? We don't have that complement Kelly. She's not here now

Five minutes of silence on the podcast No, no 10 minutes of silence on the podcast. Wow. That's no, no. 10 minutes of silence on the podcast. Wow, that's a good one. That is a good one, but I'm gonna save that one for apologize to whoever you've offended. 30 seconds simulated blow jam on a dildo, and I'm thinking. I'm thinking about.

I'm thinking about the podcast, although. Here's what I'm thinking about doing. I'm thinking about taking the five minute, and there is no law against this, but crossing this out and instead writing it's place taking off sunglasses and using it as a car. No, that's not the way the real estate coupon is. Well, you don't have the legality behind it.

I can do that. You can't fucking just do it. I issued the real estate coupon. Yeah, but no, he has, though. Okay, this coupon says five minutes of silence. Oh, you know why you have to give me $10,000. Okay, and not only that, Lewis, I compliment you. You fucking have clauses on this thing.

I do have clauses. Trans thing. I don't want to Transprability depends upon issuers consent. Yeah I'm impressed Yeah, this is really impressive voidware prohibited which you just used because you heard it in a commercial I would like to this use warrants arm-bond. This is it in the commercial I would like to uh... this use warrants are buying this is a real-ass couple i would like to thank uh... uh...

uh... nick and erin from boston who uh... made the new uh... for when we have court sometimes you can sometimes you go to court here we put people on trial uh... we have a new cock gavill you know what court uh... that we'd like to uh... thank uh... nick and and uh... erin uh... for making for us so thank you very much Gavill you know what court that we'd like to thank

Nick and Aaron for making for us so thank you very much from Boston So where else are people listen to this show? We're actually got listeners all over the fucking world to be honest with you Which is weird to me just because all over the fucking world to be honest with you. Which is weird to me just because all over the fucking I know we will you will next month. We do have people in Brussels that listen actually. It's weird how many we have a lot of Germany I can talk about what I probably because of Lewis We have a lot in germ. Okay That was a bomb. That was He's racist

Racist That was a Races That was a real It's right back at you twice. There's like a bomb tennis match You know what he should get the fucking bandit for making the sound effect. I made that. I was sorry. I mean, you think I'm here? You know what, if you want to tell me to bring it, I can't. Ah.

To either that or fall asleep in the sunglasses. Wonder what Lewis is doing. I have been to Brussels before. Where have you been? What do you mean? Out of the country, I want to know. I've been to Jamaica. Doesn't count.

Queens? Doesn't count. Now anywhere a fucking 16 year old white girl can go doesn't count 60 year old white I Brick shit like they City Can't code I went to aca polka when it was hot

Atlantic City where have you been besides MTV spring break tour besides somewhere you can win on the prices right? Jamaica doesn't count. Yeah, it does Puerto Rico doesn't count Puerto Rico doesn't count and Jamaica go ahead Mexico doesn't count. Yeah, they're done. We're connected Canada doesn't count and you were kicked out of him you were kicked out of Where out of the Americas? He's got a point I know the fingers is what fire is little wall. I chose to ignore it I got that muscle activated about like my mom's boyfriends when I just ignore when I see fucked up things

I'm not gonna tell I'm not gonna ruin Trisha's evening with that little piece of information Yeah, instant blinders You walk in his's fixing his junk behind your mother's back Then he just then he just finger in the soup on how about we go to how about we go to black angus tonight Oh, that sounds I like you Jared The bomb was Okay, no, you didn't go to the bomb is Either get a good answer really you did What? You didn't go to the Bahamas. You didn't go to AeroLine either.

You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either.

You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to AeroLine either. You didn't go to, you can't what on the Texas and just walk across a little Water you a dumb El Paso. Yes, you're not walking to Mexico from here. You idiot. I didn't say from here I said you Just probably it would be a long walk I'm You would show up in a lot better shape If you look he would buy a vest but halfway there I heard my feelings. I'm sorry about that

I've had no This looks like if we get a five year reunion in the future, it's a list of Nate and just back on the podcast, I'm like five years. For the genetics on this podcast really stack. Yeah. When Dan's the hottest guy on the show. The heartthrob?

Yeah, you're the heart to be with little fucking Tracy Morgan for on. I don't know what that means. Little forms that don't match your body. No, they don't. You don't. Your head doesn't make you a No, they don't you don't your head doesn't Thank you fucking Jamal Can I just ask why you were kicked out of Canada? I'm just curious. I wasn't kicked out of Canada

I was not allowed entrance to Canada. Why is that that's called kicked out sunglass? No, it's not Yeah, you were because you were actually talking to a border wasn't and you were talking to If I did if I was not allowed entrance to the mall if i got to the doors of the mall that said hey you can't come in here okay you said you got kicked out of the mall okay hang on let's say you were not allowed in the but hang on one second if you walk if the if the people that kick you out of the mall the security were inside the entrance and you stepped a couple feet into the mall you have to

why you're i tell you why you had to, because those people, they're front, they're, they're, they're, they don't hang in the parking lot. They're four, they're, they work four Canada, in Canada. So when you talk to them, they're in Canada. You're technically in, you're technically in Canada. Why were you not allowed in Canada?

What did you do? I had infractions on my record. I know. Stop, but that was. Going in and out of the do? I had infractions on my record. Stop, but that was going in and out of the microphone. In other words, you're rocking psychopath. I'm a criminal. Criminal. But no, that's not what it is.

He's growing this to the microphone. Like he's an R&B singer. Yeah. I'm a criminal. That's why he's got the signal. He stinks. So, what infractions specifically? You're not looking at me right now.

No, I'm just kidding. Guys, Lewis, my stepdad's asking you of course. What were the infractions specifically? You're not looking at me right now. No, I'm just really. Guys, Lewis, my stepdad's asking you of course. What were the infractions? I've had a bunch of infractions, but that wasn't even the issue. Will he? He kept you out of Canada. No, one of the guys that I went with got caught lying

saying he wasn't working in the country. And then they weren't like fuckers. What did you guys do that? If you say you're working in Canada, they have to pull you over and like check all your shit out Make sure that they're gonna check you anyways. Oh, no, not always dude I've done a five lighting on through look at this way your buddy lied and got caught so obviously they check Well, it's big J that's my buddy J lied and said he wasn't performing on the festival and then they looked at shit up online

Yeah, they looked at his fingerless gloves and they were like this guy's full of shit They printed out his fucking Because you refused to take the sunglasses on yes, yes It's coming up It's not an option. This is you putting your back pocket so you can pick up guys later What did he do that you had to lie about so he could know we were performing here. They're very real of you Chris. Scott Scott. Scott. Sorry. Yeah, whatever. Chris, we're Chris for the show. I answered a Chris. And we'll do a K.A. so you can talk about

those hookers and fucking Belgium. Well, if you call me Chris, I can tell you all about what I do on my friend. Oh, Chris, what do you do? Jesus hang on. It's the news guy. I know I'm going to get to the bottom of the story. He's fast. We can harmonize your voice. So we'll just say that answered him isn't the only place where prostitution is Yeah, get it Brussels. All of it. Brussels is not cool. I don't want it's not you don't want to like he didn't do anything cool. He's paying for pussy That's anybody can do it. No, not everybody you can't No, without fucking you your house fucking being You know first of all don't throw it so hard you fucking 97 I'm Lenny from mice and men I just the rabbit listen to stop pushing everybody Is that all that where you fucking retard straight?

Surely will you please shoot him in the head? Listen, you don't understand the bomb band Dan is for a bomb that was a flat tire I didn't get it out that was a bomb no no it was a bomb no All right, let's have a vote. He's out of the mail in you in the show was a bomb no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I like that. Surely could be packing, you know. Surely not packing. Well, what do you got? What do you got? Let me put you this way. I've never measured it because it's never been a need to. Why, how big is it, you think?

It's good. I never thought, personally, I'll be honest with you. I never thought it was big. They're longkin' because they want to see that dance. Seriously, they want to sit show that dick. Show that dick. No, no, show that dick. That was it. All right. They want to see that First of all the disrespect you at least let me see your eyes when I show you my dick Excellent point show your dick on You really are just a queen what soon as you get fine fine somebody gonna show a dick. You'll do whatever they say

So I want to know how big seriously please how big do you think your dick might be? I'll tell you how big my dick is But it's probably now I have no I have two different decks right big dick day and little dick. Okay. I'm with you I'm sick as 12 Ore. He measures everything in Oreos. You know what? I liked it. It stumbled on end, but I liked where it was. I like these, but I totally get it. I love Oreos. I'm a big fan of the old cookie twist. There are the best. I also gave you probably three extra inches there. 12 Oreos, let's get real. Now he's adding on. No, I just was thinking about 12 Oreos. That's almost a C.

It doesn't matter. How many Oreos? I want to know how many Oreos you dick is. Mine is probably, not double stuffed, right? Regular Oreos. You always put it in the dust. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. I'm nine Oreos.

Nine Oreos. I I'm nine Oreos. Nine Oreos. I'm saying nine Oreos. I mean, I would say I would have, at nine Oreos, that's nine Oreos. Nine Oreos, nine. I have a 56 Oreos. Oreos. I would say somewhere around 11 to 13 Oreos.

You have 13 Oreos. 13 Oreos. That's some decent. That's a nice dick. What do you do? What are you doing? What are you decent that's a nice dick. What do you like a Metzger's at Metzger's probably Neff oney Meff is gonna sleeve. Yeah, I'm gonna sleep a full sleeve of all three hundred and twelve Oreos I what do you what do you got how many Oreos do you have sir? I? I don't I've never

Think about you just you never thought about your dick in terms of Fucking asshole. Yeah, what kind of person are you? I like that you held the face I thought about your dicking terms of Oreos. I never thought about your terms of Oreos. What a weirdo. You fucking asshole. Yeah, what kind of person are you? I like that you held the face. It's the cream. I really sold that to you. I've never thought of it.

Well, think about it. I've thought of it in terms of railroad ties, but not order. How manly of a comparison is that? God. I once well when I was building the railroad in the back yard of my land. What do you, oh! This is yours, you own it! I don't want it! I don't want it! Once well when I was building the railroad in the back yard of my land. Oh This is yours you own it. I didn't say anything you deserve it. That's why you get it With that on your fucking thing. I swear to God. I'll fight you

Yeah, I don't know. All right. I'll have it here. That's I just live it there listen listen, here's a deal. Dan, how many Oreos is you dick? Well, Dan ate three of them. Real real tough. Oh, I probably have to go like 13 to 15. Fuck you, dude. It's his dick's gotta match that voice. You're not his fucking, you're bigger than Shouli? I would think so, he's a big guy.

I'm raising mine up to seven. I said six, I want one of a nine. That was nine. Alright, I'm nine. Alright, I'll take it back. I'll take it back down to seven Truth comes up. He's 15. I'm saying These Oreo minis. What do you have what do you have? I mean, I'm probably seven or eight Oreos I mean, I'm not so me you're the same. I'm not that many Oreos. What's up, son? Me you're a fucking Oreo. Oreo. Oreo. Oreo dick. What do you know what dude? A lot of cookies. Let us What's up son me you a fucking Oreo deck

Chris Chris does have a small What do you guys Chris he feels uncomfortable discussing the size of his dick in terms of Oreos? What do you want to do Fig Newton? What do you want to do? How many chips Wait a minute I was a joke about the bag Issue and he didn't even fucking hear it. I just didn't respond Terrible, I guess and that's the that's why you get the bend in?

Clarify. So, how many Snickers do those are your day? You need Belgian trees. Snickers with Eagles? I love Oreos. How many Belgian walnuts are yours? I love Oreos, and I do. I want to, I don't want to think, next time I'm like,

sticking my Oreos in milk and eating it while I'm watching. Oh yes, love it. I'm gonna think back to this night. Bobby's cop. I think I read Bobby's. We'll never say Bobby's. You're gonna think of Lewis's uncircumcized rattlesnake. I'm circumcised. I'm gonna need the sunglasses just eat the Oreo.

Hey Adrian, Adrian, hang on one second guys. Adrian, how big is your deck? Jamal, jamal. Jamal, jamal. Huh? You have 11 Oreo. You just got a fucking outta here. Scopus, probably, what do you got?

I've seen scopus like I have video scobos dick. Can I see it? I guess they'll have it on that's why does he have video of your dick? He fucking walked in the mean the shower in a Not Fox what he's letting record The shower I was pumped up he shows big gets her what you know That was if you said that about my jeg I be fucking Angle who is shot you look like the sunglasses were still on by the way with the way he looked at yeah, wow all right I'll take it Like I never dug a fucking hole before

Put the show, though. How you doing after that one? I'm all right. Oh, I'm looking for a scope of deck. Did that hurt? No, that's all right. You okay with that? I'm fine with it.

I get where we're at now, scopes. Is there going to be a reminder after the show? Where scope of stands? Where does scope of stand? Waiting to get up on checks at LOL. Got real, kind of got real. I got real. I think a Scopo made it real. You always had to make it real.

No, I do. I do. Stopping spots. Why don't you do this? Not anymore. We need to teach Scopo how to be funny. Can you get that dreamy flop of hair out of the face? I can't get out of my face.

I can't get out of my face. Well, I'm not talking, I'm not talking about fucking comedy, stand up comedy. I'm talking about good Regul I'm talking about regular on the podcast funny. He just fucking he doesn't it's either serious or he fucking hurts I I Know how about that I'll do the producing job scobal comes it's here. He can just be funny. Let's go All right, here we go. This is like fre He can just be funny. Let's go. I'll do it. Sit down.

All right, here we go. This is like freaky Friday. Let me show him real quick how to do it. No, he knows. He knows how to do it. I love Lewis. Lewis always says that's Lewis's personality. Just in a nutshell.

He's just like, I'll do whatever. I could do what you do. All right, I'll fly a plane. You sit as a passenger. Yeah. All right, so you just. So real last plane ride. These are the shots down here.

These are real last plane drives. All right, just click on a real last plane ride Real last plane crash But Stan is going to start doing artsy shots is the two firms I'll make a coverage of scope oh Sir fate feature this is guys they get you to stand listen guys listen Why that's all lighting up and stuff? Yeah, still producing. All right. Don't do that listen Here's a deal. Well, this is a big moment scopos on the show Probably the very first time

Skopo on camera by the way, scopo was on the show Move over here because you're still not cuz you set the cameras up wrong you fucking ass Right there. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Scopo, it's your shot. I'm sorry, Scopo. Here you go, say, let's go. What do you want to talk about, Scopo? Well, you usually steer the show, and then everyone throws in the morning.

Oh, mate, he's not funny already. Everyone throws in the funny. When we talk about, you guess the bad data. He's like, you know, you do the magic shimmy, and talk about the stuff, and the guys do the thing with you. Surely put that back on your fucking microphone. All right, Joe List, you All right, old Joe list.

You sit there, old Joe list. We did a Derek list. You did a Derek list. Shealy's got a great new show that he started over at, what is it? What's your one? How would 101 and it's telling about the show. Because it's basically a show spotlighting comedians

and the art form of comedy But also comedians that may not necessarily be known in the Stern universe is Stern fans Called you ought to know and so real Astudes real Astudes Bobby Kelly was my first guest So It was actually you know can I talk can I sure we're doing it was shooly and mad James mad Mad dog yeah, what is it? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es?

¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es?

¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es?

¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? rímenes realities y contenido infantil. Pluto TV. Ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. ¿Suéñez con un futuro más allá de los estudios de grado? Gracias a las vecas de posgrado en el extranjero de la Fundación La Caixa, puede estudiar en las mejores universidades y centros de investigación del mundo. Tu talento te mueve. Solicitate un beca en fundación la caixa.org All right, now your question. Yeah, you just No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no that bro working. How you being a go-bo? I'm working here. So here's a deal. I go in and do it.

It's you. It's James. James, man. And then there's a big guy looks like Babe Ruth as a boy. And who's that? The board up a guy named Britain. And he actually called him Babe Ruth at one point in the program. He looked good guy though.

And then who's the other guy that was next to me? Mike Fox. He's the producer. Mike Fox. Great guy. But here's what happened, which I fucking, I think I saw this. And in hindsight, I was like, what the fuck? But we're going off and it's really interesting.

We're getting into some deep stuff, but it's real funny. And we're laughing, we're having a good time. We're kind of doing this role on something that we're talking about. And all of a sudden, this guy slides a no pad in front of me with a fucking joke on it. I knew it. And it, but hang on, it was a really good joke.

But I'm looking at him like, I was like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, am I supposed to, I can't, I don't know how to do that. Yeah. Like, I don't, you're used to handing me a joke. Which I would love it. If Skopo sat here in the whole show and wrote shit

and I'm like, you know what computer? I was talking about dumb news. Which I would love it if scope was sat here the whole show and wrote shit and I'm like If he typed in dude they don't have rattlesnakes in Puerto Rico Right I've been trying to get somebody Kelly I used to give her an iPad to look shit up. Like, when we talk about shit, Google it, we compete it so we can get information on it. You're like, Al Davis of drafting joke records. You just pick and busts. Here's like, what are you doing?

Oh no, Sharpen, do everything you want me to do. And you're like, after three seasons, I can't. Bobby, the internet doesn't work. My iPad's out. I'm like, I had to put my mic on. Yeah, smoke scobo's like, yeah, I'll do it. I don't think what they can. It's not bad, go ahead.

But it streams down. It was actually a good joke. It wasn't like a shit joke. What was the joke? I forget. I saw this out of the corner of my eye, right? And we're like an hour into this interview, and it's rocking.

You're doing fucking great. And we're laughing. Everything's great. And I see him slide a piece of paper over to me. And in my head, I'm going, and he's a great kid don't give me a hand a problem with him I'm but in my head. I'm like dear God tell me he's not sliding A fucking joke on a piece of paper over to you. But I don't think it was it was I think it was kind of shot I'm a look like you know dude, but I thought he was really contributing to the show

I looked it was not malicious at all. He was in the heat It was actually a great joke and I was like and this look this happens all the time on radio If you I mean if you know radio, uh, there's callers. No shit. Actually, he just said something funny Queens rattling The what we you said it it right I can untie this Yeah, I can go from good to bad That's my thing that's a clean rattlesnake. They call that range in the business Yeah, I got range. Yeah, I can play a made funny or made serious. I go from unfunny to really funny

What are you doing? He's gonna tackle Lewis? I go from unfunny to really funny. What are you doing? He's gonna tackle Lewis. Are you okay? Are you alright? Are you alright? Why do you always look exhausted? He's always exhausted.

He's a hustler, man. I see him the hours I work. He's there in the morning. He's here at night. He's fucking hustling. He is. I like him. I didn't say it.

I didn't like the fuck you. I just said why you always look tired. He's got white supremacius on Do you kill Jews get on a mic? Get on his mic right here Chris is Mike Chris from Belgium. I was I was working earlier. I totally forgot that we were supposed to be here tonight So really yeah, it's go. What where were? I'm my friends restaurant. What were you doing? That's what I was gonna say you got waiter you got waiter shoes on Yeah, you got that comfortable. You just push it off

You didn't have to leave work tonight to come here. Did you well? It's my buddy's restaurant He just slid me a shift because I was short on cash anyway. Really so did you lose money to come here? No I they were close on I'm gonna. Are you sure? I'm positive. Well, we know it didn't make anything coming He's like guy at a- Hey, you know what, Julie? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait I like the fact that he might have walked away from a six top to come In turn on their show lucky that had a T in it. We wouldn't have laughed Six top six Teas and S is a funny Christian fucking Belgium

Well have hours, but anyway the the the actual when he slid the joke to me. I was like this is So what was the joke? I forget the joke I really do and but I know when he slid the joke to me. I was like this is So what was the joke? I forget the joke. I really do and but I know when he slid it to me I wasn't like you an asshole. I was like that's a pretty funny line It was a funny line. It wasn't a joke. It was a great line But it's so funny that and I was like but I was like I was two seconds away from saying it like And it would I would it would have killed right because know, and, but then I would have felt like guilty. Like I just read somebody else's joke, but I forget that. Look at me, and you guys don't know this.

You know, how it's turned is one of the best. But a lot of radio shows around the country, morning zoos. They pay for, it's everything scripted pretty much. Yeah, but how many writers does, you know, Mar have, how many writers does Stewart have? They have a lot of letters. Yeah, but how many writers does, you know, Mar have, how many writers does Stuart have? They have hundreds of writers. Of course, of course, you have writers all the time. Look, I know that comics that become famous,

right, when they have to put an hour out, they get writers. You think you're thinking people to help them? Some of the best comics that they were writers before. They were writers. Yeah, that doesn't make sense, but yeah, you're right. They were, we're all all writers Steve Martin was a writer Yeah, you get enough time. So put listen. Here's a thing

You can kill us all agree Well, what have you say? Take the bad dead you don't have to use it I don't like that your energy is going down you're fucking bloodshed You're dropping someone's gonna die No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, What you fucking tired waiter don't give him the one that oh that's gonna explode all over me. Yeah, right The one to shook up the mush why didn't you open? Why didn't you read the joke? I understand what Bobby saying is it Bobby why didn't you read the joke? I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you in a second because if he comes from a place where that doesn't happen to him Oh, Shulie's gonna tell you yeah, right? I mean you're just not used to that yeah i i i just i'm i felt guilty about it you said no i i felt not guilty

i would have if i read it i would have in a killed i would have like i would have had this i would have had to say he wrote that joke right you know what i mean as a stand-up comic as a comedian that writes his own shit i i know that we help each other i know that we help each other. I know that we give each other lines, but, and I know comics have writers, and I know comedy. What's the problem?

Well, it was the first time it's ever, it's not a hit. It was a new day, I understand. It was also you, you don't have time to think about it, it was in the moment. So I think you're gonna think immediately was like, all right dude, I'm not gonna do that. Here's the deal, if a guy said to me, look, I'm gonna be writing lines,

I'm gonna be throwing stuff at you, use whatever you want. Here's the deal. If a guy said to me, look, I'm gonna be writing lines, I'm gonna be throwing stuff at you, use whatever you want, and don't use it. It's up to you, but I'm just throwing, I would have been like, oh cool. And had I known that would have used it. Right, had I known that was gonna happen, I would have given you heads up. But what's so funny is, I noticed it happened, and I see it, and then I don't mention it. And then after the show, I'm like, I'm just not gonna bring it up to Bob, because I'm like, I don't know what that was all about.

I don't know what was written. I don't know what was written. I didn't know what was written. It was not even, it was a funny line. I was like, oh my God, that's funny. But I read it. I read it and laughed. But like, I thought he was trying to make me laugh for a second, like that was, that's pretty good, dude.

All that being said, I would rather a guy sitting there writing a line because he's paying attention and he's in the moment than sitting there and staring at his fucking phone. I agree. I agree. I agree. I mean, but it would be like, look, you want me to, I write stuff on the throw stuff at you if you don't, just let me know.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Because that really was like, I literally was like, wow, this guy just wrote something funny. Am I supposed to laugh? And then I was like, oh, he wrote it for me. Did he? And I was like, maybe he didn't.

And what if, in my head, I go, what if he wrote that just to make me laugh? And I read it and I used it and he was like, what are you doing? What a dick. What the fuck is mine? Here's a blog, Bobby Kelly is a hack. So my jokes, put it right in front of them and he took it and set it on serious.

Here's a video that I have him doing here. I thought this guy was a pro. Well, if they've been falling flat, you could have blamed him. That should have even worked, you're gonna take in the credit. Yeah, if they've been in fall and flat, you could have blamed him. That should have even worked. You could have taken the credit. Yeah, well, it was just a million things went through my brain at that time,

but it is true. I mean, I mean, like, like, it's thousands of them were food. If, so it's came out. Okay, he gets it. He gets it. There we go. I kind of liked it,

but I want to laugh because it hurt. Yeah. So, I don't know if he gets it. I don't know if that was your suggestion's like, that was your indigestion He gets it Danny just said that This is pure dumb Double not that

Yeah like Shirley likes it in his ass A double mouth Pull it now, pull it now How do you know? You were in the military What are you doing? I'm checking the chat room I mean, great. I mean, don't, date, I mean, what's your name? Dan, Dan, how do you feel about people writing

should for you? I don't, I don't, I don't, I'm personally not for it, but if someone does it, all right, if that's just, I don't know, I, has anybody ever written for you? Jokes? No. You've never gotten a joke from someone. Are you talking about like tags?

Like when a friend's like, no. Never. No. Now if you become hugely successful which you are no and you're shut up What are you doing don't touch that I'm trying to plug in my phone? No, you don't do fucking Anything you don't fucking plug You don't fucking start fucking with the computer. I had to see who's birthday it is on Facebook. It's after a minute Don't touch that take that beer off of that. Yeah, no you don't drink while you're doing that either You don't drink beer while you fucking it on the computer nobody told me that I can't drink your bill Okay, no, you know, you know for putting Lewis in the producer bar. Yeah, you should know as a producer

I think Lewis you doing a good job. I just I appreciate that Bobby Excuse me. Did any of you guys knock before entering Lewis J Gomez office over here the new set up Yeah, we're gonna get you a shirt Fucking nothing I'm gonna go give him a fucking nothing. How is the film? Fuck you, Soda. I have no energy tonight. You know what I love? I have no energy. You know what? Corporate Dan would have fucking laughed at that.

Well, Corporate Dan's still here, but he's just a little stingier with how he plays. That's it. And this man is terrifying. I think you, and I'm also half terrifying. I have to point to you too. He's doing the points.

Dude, his, his, his, I gotta tell you. Listen, dad. Listen, I gotta tell you. Well, if you're tell you, you got to tell you, you got to tell you, you're a nice guy, you're a nice guy. I'm telling you that, but you are fucking terrifying. Terrifying. But you see, that's why because you've been described as terrifying. Because I know you're a nice guy, but you're the guy that takes it too far by accident, and someone gets hurt.

Or you just someone takes it, like you give somebody a pill that they shouldn't have that you still have from the 60s, something, you know what I'm saying? I, you know me too well. Yeah, dude, you're right terrifying. I like it, it's a good kind of, I'm not saying it in a negative way.

And it's not good, it's not good. It seems like a terrifying right now. No, it seems like you'd be friends with like a hunter-ass-talker. Then Look him in the eyes when you tell him this. You know, what is he? Look at right in the eye. Now you're pissing all over yourself. What are you doing?

I'm like, hey, he looks like a good bad man. He's the good bad man. When he's tough. You're type of terrifying. There's no good type of terrifying. Oh, yes, there is. Oh, and there it is. That's what scares me.

That laugh, that fucking crazy laugh that right there that where he's fucking head goes up and down and then he wiggles his fingers That's a twitch that's what you look like that's what you look up at when you're in his fucking basement Pid last thing you see and his concrete pit in his basement we got it like basement pit Yeah, you know, we didn't think he build it It is plastic wood pit of course shadow We can be a dude could be a dirt pit dude. You can't have a dirt pit dirt pit will fall on itself. No, won't you need support? No, you need support About digging pits. I know pits. I don't know Fuck off the fuck I'm a pit dirt build See I just want to

Was when killing hookers was only a hobby Before it became my art I've ever killed the hooker Christian fucking Belgium He would be the guy who kills a hooker Actually, don't say that he's the one that calls him he's the one that's a line like oh no He's the cleaner. He's the cleaner And then I smashed her face 25 times with my trombone Honey, why is there a dent in you trombone?

I put a homoniguna mouth and I made her choke on it Is there a zetting you, Trumbon? She said she really got to tell my wife if I didn't give her an extra 500 dollars. I put a homonoguna mouth and I made her choke on it. No, no, no, no. I can be there in 13 minutes. Oh, my God. So nobody will ever know that this happened? What happened? It takes a little rubber glove off.

Why is there human flesh in your spit valves? what happened takes a little bit of the why is there human flesh in your spit valve to trombone joker i got it making sure you you are a scary guy my friend i gotta take i've never been described as a scary i think when he started working how old can i as cold you are how do you think i i would say one hundred and seven

and close How do you think I would say 107? Close How old is Todd always the farthest one away? He's got the joke over here. He's a fucking crib keeper Or like you would say something like what I'm from I love that Lewis. I love that Lewis is getting more comfortable and he's trashin him now because he's way over here Yeah, right. Yeah, I'm gonna go through all of us to get them. Yeah Lewis is I would say you're around 60 something. Uh-huh.

I would say, 57. Nope, I would say, 65. I would go, 45. I mean, nice. I would say, 60. He's 25. He's just really falling apart. Yeah, he's got a lot of miles on him.

How old? He's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got a, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got a, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got a lot of miles on him. How old, he, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got a lot of, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he I love it. What how old are you? Up or 60s. See? I'm going to say some mystical stuff. Superman's dad.

How old are you? You got to be like 60supton. I'm sent. We get Wikipedia because you're not a painter. So we can find out. I'll find that out. On Krypton, our orange sun doesn't affect us. We came here to show you less kill you. You mortals. 65. Wow. You look great.

You're a treasure salad. I'm what? You're married. I'll set you up with a piece of acid aurora. Dude, what I love it if he used his monster cock on you what oh mom Are you mom imagine your mom started dating him dude? He looks like every guy that's dated my mom really He's like my old stepdad Nick. He reminds me a Nick Almost called a Nick 40 times dude. I swear to God. I hope your dad never died in a Tim. Do that be awesome I'd break down. Oh my God. I'd your dad never died in the Tim. Do that be awesome? I would break down. Oh my God, it would be a little ball. Right on the podcast.

It's been so long. That would rattle me. That would rattle me. It's Dan's dad. You really give it up for Dan's dad, everybody. We wanted to make this special for you. This is the cry of the son. This is your dad's not dead.

I just want to say, I just hope it wasn't too you. This is the best episode. This is your dad's not dead. I just want to say, I just hope it wasn't too shocking. No, not at all. I'm not a high, Mr. Soder. That'd be the weirdest thing if it was on the spot. Mr. Soder, why did you leave back then? Why did you fake your own death? At first off, I know it's not him.

You don't know. I'm like, this is a crime. You're good now. Well, you don't know that. You don't know that. He's must've, You're too cute to know that. You're too cute to know that. Wow. You're too cute to know that. He's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, he's must've, but now I've come back. It's good to see you. Made it into the man he is today. I feel whole. I'm quitting standing in comedy. I'm moving to Aurora.

I'm going to work in an enterprise. Mr. S. Denzel, that whole. Denzel, why did you leave them back in the day? Oh, it was because I just are terrible at improv. I'm getting a lot of ways to keep. Yes, and yes, I just couldn't bear it anymore. He's so good he's staying in the joke.

He's a newsman, give him a teleprompter. What's wrong with you, Pete? It's like this just in your mom was a bitch. I had to lock her. News at 11. I don't know. Have you had more than a 15-minute conversation with your mother? I'd be like like you are my dad

You're good. She was just sucking my soul out of my body, man Why would you do that back? Like you know, I know go back to beducin look in that camera right there Better than fucking seat filler, Chris go pro. I know Chris hasn't said something funny. He's like, yeah, Chris, you're so funny. And that one. And that one. And that one.

And that one. And that one. And that one. And that one. And that one. And that one. And that one. And that one.

And that one. And that one. And that one. And that one. And that one. And that one. And that one. And that one. And that. That's what Kelly does on this podcast. She's like, yeah, you see that? That was made like fucking four or five seconds ago. At least she's in the five man. She just ate four more ravioles. The scopus is just like full back in

it. He's like, way you want me to go? She's in a restaurant tapping on the window ready. Can I have four more plays? Oh, the big girls back here. Hello sir, please open. I need four more rabbit hollies. Four more please. Is this breathing on the glass? I need rabbit hollies. So, so Dan's dad. Mr. Soder.

Did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you have you miss Dan over all these years? I miss Dan, but not his mother. Well, he kind of took some notes from the earlier meaning. I like it. Have you missed Dan over all these years I missed Dan, but not his mother So now now that you see your son, are you proud look what look who's become look at his Palo horseshirt Good, this is keeping me in comedy Feeling the funny coming back. It's like Michael Jay Fox. I'm disappearing in that picture I'll bring it on bring it on me and then I'm gonna come back

No How did it feel with Bobby brought your dad on the park? Well Alan Pretty goddamn good You really got a whoa sorry I was gonna Allen you How do you feel about this situation Dan? Good, I feel good Alan

Dan, I'm not sick Keep going, what do you want me to do? You were doing it, keep doing it Mr. Soder, how does it feel to see your son? I think we're covering plowed ground here I think we are My dad would be a lot nicer than that You're not the real Gary Soder

He's still lies in the ground. That's why you left his mom you a covering plowed ground It's working. I'm sorry Do you know the raised me? Yeah, I know there's the father that left you. Yeah, that's your dad He's in the aisle he's a respect your broadcasting crew, but real quick is between friends. Yeah, you have no Fridge that your dad dude your dad is here right now, Dan. Yeah, and you know you know what else and and Lewis it's your dad to did you know that your brothers Oh my god, let's kill him! Yeah! You're a real ass brother! Yeah, you're a real ass brother.

And I'm so proud of you. You're a rattle snake! Are you proud of your sons? I'm proud! Look at these specimens. He just said that like he was like on the shit like the was shitty gladiators. Look at the madness they fight for that freedom. This is specimens. He just said that like he was like on the shit like the was shitty gladiators Look at the madness they fight for that freedom This is a mess of ins

All right, I think that may unbundly. No, I like it fuck you. I'm keeping this bad. I like the voice Yeah, I just I threw up in my mouth and I puked in my own mouth while you were doing it. So I'm gonna keep Yeah, well, it's not your dad. I'm sorry. No, I'm aware of that. No, but but we can make believe no I'm not one of those internet guys Just I love you so I realized you might be a trend. I love you don't tell you I Part of my brain so if you're throwing the DM me just wait till we're wrapped up on the

How much would you cost to imagine to see this remember the times in the footy pajamas? pajamas. No man, my dad wouldn't come in my dick like that. Yo, my dad be coming in my dick. Damn, damn was molested. It would make so much sense. I think you should talk. Sometimes I wish that. I think you should lean on, should talk about that. It is a molestation.

Yeah, I mean, it's a real thing. Go ahead and deal with it. You know, it's a cathartic deal with him. Yeah, what are your young friends here? Yeah, right down therapist Yeah, how's it gonna take this? As a family stand in do you get molested by your father? When did I when it what an Alan turn into good at the frog talk about? Oh, it's not easy me and green

Why are there so many songs about brainbows? I get it. I know where he was right wait what what's that the voices like dad? If you don't I don't do that girl. I'm gonna fucking fix it's coming down my strength now voices my my strength is anger Anger's good not the second but first part of that First part of this perfect We have a molested Dan. No ever was anybody in the room molested body was but you sucked a dick for a steak That's not molested. I wanted a steak So that was hungry. I choose to get my beer was by choice Wait, but you want molested beyond that? No, I was molested. No, that was that was that was a male here's

I don't think there was dessert. I don't think that was a molestation. Can you get your hand off me while I talk about molestation? Yeah, dude stop. Oh, my dude. I was a dude. I'm making it real.

Doesn't move the camera. Here's the thing. Is that my wife, I haven't had sex in a long time. So that actually felt good. My wife, she comes out wearing the mall today, she goes, she goes, Victoria Secret card she got, right? For Christmas, she goes, yeah, I go good,

go get in there and get, she goes, I'm getting sweatpants. I'm like, how's something dick? Hot. That's hot. That's real hot. But I don't think that's molestation. I think, you know, I mean, why is that molestation?

That I fucking, you know, you know, you know, go ahead and blew a dude for a steak but on held with the other guy again he was uh 38 I'm kidding No we were both kids but you were the same age I know he had the steak he was I don't know I was fucking he didn't know the grill he was a little older that's all we were young what about how were you

full full blow up I didn't make him come on your face no I didn't know how to make I didn't know That's all we were young How were you? Blom Make them come your face. No, I didn't know it was a dick. I was so young. I didn't know it. How are you? And how good of a thought you're over 10? Huh? There's no way that you was 14 he was 17 I had to know Getting I'm gonna ask all of you stop begging for me to be clear You had to know. But you love this. Just dealing with the facts here. Just dealing with the facts.

Robert, this is a legitimate question. And how much joy did I bring here? Robert, please. I didn't know it was a dick. How old were you? Stop touching me. You need to answer the question. I'm answering whatever I'm 14.

He said he was 14. I'm not comfortable. Really? How old were you? 14. I was younger. No, I I'm 14. He said he was 14. I'm comfortable really. How are you 14? I was no as younger No, I wasn't 14. I was younger and then first grade. I was in first maybe six. So you were 14 maybe young Maybe between no before maybe before kindergarten. So I four or five six and hold was the kid. He was a 22 He was he was probably a few years older than me. Who was the kid? Give me an age.

I don't know. I'm saying, listen to me. Listen, listen, you're trying to get somewhere where you're not gonna get. I'm answering your question. I'm just trying. You try a healthy one. He was older than me, but probably a few years.

Like, maybe two. It's not molestation. Yeah, maybe two. Fourteen is molestation. No, no, no, it wasn't a teen, of course not. No, he was not. For 12 years. We were both the same age, maybe two years older. No, no, no, no, it wasn't a teen. Of course not. No, he was not he was we were both the same age Maybe two years older than me. Oh, so it was just it was Gay baby

A lot of fucking kids do that and I guarantee you I'm not the only one in this room Who's done that? I don't know I guarantee you the only one who's done for a stake, but You did it for free. Right. I did for right. Oh, that other kids business sense needs to be applauded because that's pretty good Well, you know actually it was my business by the way too now he tricked you out No, he didn't do a mistake for fucking No thing for you what did he go out and buy that steak did a nine year old be like I need to go buy sure He had to explain to his father where the steak was took it known that you give him a nice

Second stop it. I didn't give a sloppy blood job. I didn't know Yeah, you've never done nothing you know you're lying. I saw a guy suck his own dick once. That's pretty who the fuck was that? Hello, brother. I can In from left field fucking doll eyes. How much did that cost like a ping pong game here? Where did you see it? I'm using camp really really Camp fucking boring now you really did what what I'll stop a stop for a second listen to me go you're in music camp How do you walk in and see that no this this guy's right now? You're you're like middle school kids and this one guy's bragging hey, I can sick my on day, you know like a day

I need like no you can't yeah, yeah, I can prove it. Okay, so so the guy like warms up He like limbers up and then And we're like oh you gotta stretch gonna run a fucking five meter race Yeah, he's trying to pull a hammy double-jointed or something right and then he so you didn't have a big dick It was just he was he was pliable he was limber. He was like umby. He was like 16 Oreos. Yeah You can't do that without a big dick. So you had a big dick. Hey, can I got the tag head of my dick in my mouth What are you Chinese? I was broke my dick in my mouth. What are you Chinese? Did you remember? I almost broke my neck in the shower doing it, but I fucking did it. The top of my dick, I lick that, I wanna, like that, that's all.

But I touched it. Well, I mean, if you could suck your own dick, I mean, wouldn't you? Well, I absolutely, I would fucking suck it all the time. I would fucking suck myself. My wife would come home, I'm just laughing sucking my dick. She'd be like, what are you doing? I Teach max out of suckers there. I could suck my own dick. I would do like one of those

Throating porn like a big place crying comments of a whore the whole time. I would still get married I'd still have a kid but I'd be just sucking my dick in the shower every day. I would build a special dick sucking bench Think about the money. It's like it's like dogs, why do they lick their balls? Because they can't. That's it. Absolutely. So anyway, so this guy, I'm not giving him the bond, I'm keeping it.

This guy showed us. I'm not getting murdered by him. I'm not getting murdered by him. I'm not getting moved. So this kid showed us. Showed us that he could. What's that his name? Showed us.

Then you guys showed us. You guys showed us. You guys showed us. You guys showed us that it's throwing money at him. No, we were like, okay, get through through all right. I don't need to see more You always this kid. Yeah, it's like 12 13. Yeah, so something yeah, but that's not gay No, no, it's not even gay for him. It's all downhill for that kid We're talking about doing gay shit. We're talking about what of you what's the gays to

I've said all my gays on this guy.'s got to be something you did back in the day. For last week. You know, we learn, you say that every time, and then we learn some more gays shit. I don't know, I was like four times. What are you guys saying? One time we in Dan Soder, we're in the same bed when we were 12 and we sucked each other's dick.

It's for you. No, seriously. It's a shame story. Have you been molested? No, I never molested. I remember one time when I was like in the fifth grade. Yeah. This kid, a good friend of mine named, also named Lewis.

Right. His mom randomly got in bed with me of mine named, also named Lewis. Right. His mom randomly got in bed with me when I was sleeping over his house one night. Like put her leg around me, she wasn't wearing underwear, dude. That's called molestation. That's called, that's called, a five year old mother, an adult with a, no, fifth grade.

Dude, yeah, that's called molestation. He's called awesome, dude. That's molestation. I'm gonna go, Gus, what did she do? Yeah, what happened to you? She was late next to me, like, breathed in my ear for like five minutes, and I was awake the whole time.

She had a big, very good sleep. Yeah, she was fucking gross. She was like, the mannequin woman, she had like, fake teeth in that big boy. She was like, look, if she was hot, I would have fucking turned around and fucked her. What did you do? You just hold your nose?

I just fucking, I still, fucked her. What if you do, you just hold your nose? I just fucking... I don't know, I just have a still. Weirdly laid some. I tried to like make sense of it in my mind. You just tried to freeze, like it was a shark in the water. Like, please just go find me. Please just go find me. Bobby's watching Shark Week right now.

You know that, that's the Shark Week. This rotary guy. No, it isn't. It's like a serious shark week. It's like in two weeks. Yeah, it's in two weeks. That's a shark week this week. The Doom preliminary shark week. I was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's like in two weeks. Yeah, it's in two weeks. Not shark weeks this week. They're doing preliminary shark week.

Yeah, I was getting my tattoo today. Shark week was on. You got another tattoo? Well, I got my tattoo. Do we need to do ads? I forgot about ads. Yeah, that's why I said 30 minute mark before. Well, where do we do that?

You usually take a break. All right, so let's do them right now. What do I gotta do? Let's go about the ad. Can we do them at the ad? That's fine. Yeah, it's just the basic three. I'll be fine.

All right, we'll do it. We'll do it at the end. Look at, let me see that tattoo. Let me see. That's nice. Yeah, it's just the basic three. All right, all right basic fuck it We'll do it at the end look it. Let me see that tattoo. Let me see that's nice. I got it What's in it in what is it in yeah the a birch trees? Oh shit? You know the bathroom is my friend Left Don't do my toothbrush by the way, but Beatrice is gonna call you down and thank you Beatrice might actually suck your dick. Oh, Jesus. Let me tell you why why are you gonna go too far? Can I tell you what I'm touching me you can tell me whatever you want. I'm not your audience Oh, wow, what a great audience

Can I say what happened? I've seen this so I was gonna get this tattoo You move over here so you can be in the camera dummy. All right, so I'm like you. I want you on unlike scopoy I mean scopoy just stares at it. I'm just too good looking for the camera So I you on unlike scopoy mean scopoy just stares at it I'm just too good looking for the camera. So I fucking told I was gonna get this tattoo okay yeah the idea was tattoo was you know the image of Michael the Archangel where he's stepping on the demon's head and he's gonna score. Yeah that sounds like a great tattoo.

Right but no you have to stop touching me because I like it. It's the opposite of that. It's the the the idea was it's the moment after we're saying. We got purged trees like you live in the opposite of that. The idea was, at the moment afterwards, you have purge trees, like you live in an amp-tree. You have your own trees. So Satan comes up behind Michael the Archangel and stabs him through his back with a sword, and that was the tattoo.

So Satan killing the angel. So you got the devil. And Beatrice was furious. And Soda saw this, and the Soda was like, dude, you can't get this tattoo in your body. You should make that a t-shirt for Legion of Skanks. Word up. It was a good idea. And then I guess I decided not to get that tattoo So Beatrice loves you now because you told me she would never fuck me again if I got that tattoo

I was like Lewis told me this why would you not why would you why would you fucking why would you do that? Why would you say? I fucked up with the L.A. thing I should have let this fucking rug rat fucking go over there become a Mexican I fucked up with the L.A. thing. I should have let this fucking rug rat fucking go over there become a Mexican. I fucked up All right, I fucked up. I should have let him go, but I kept him here, but you could have fucking saved Beatrice from another five years Nah, man James needs his parents. Oh Was that it? Is that it? I like I like James. He's good shit. Oh Jesus Christ James is good shit. Oh Jesus Christ. What's that? I'm gonna get this. Can we stop on saying why is out of the room? Okay, yeah fucking surely dude. What are we dealing with? Did I not run? Did I leave dealing with you're the one who's like I've I don't like you sure? No, I'm just saying are we safe?

I don't know let me tell you something listen listen to me safe. I don't know. I can't give you a yes I cannot give you a damn there for a while When he started at how are 100 news like if there was a problem with something And that door and he yeah cuz when he comes out I'm gonna stop the story But when he would when he would when he would have a problem with something and he would voice it now any other time It's a debate in the newsroom, but all of us are like yeah, you know what you're right Mike We'll change that up immediately. Yeah, and and everybody snaps to so okay. Well, look here's the fuck Everybody, no is he shitting right now. I don't know dude. He's fucking collecting fingers

Tunolka you got a fucking real your balls up. I got a sleep in there tonight. Yeah, you got a sleep in there Good luck. Great. I hope he passes out in the bathroom God I hope the one guy didn. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing I'm sure I'm tattooed like the mirror or a cape exactly that's what I think it takes a shirt off. Oh, it's fucking all. Everyone knows the urge to kill leaves my body after I do pull ups. Ha ha ha ha. All right, so we're not, you don't even know if we're safe.

I don't know. All right, good for you. Well, I know me and Dana safe because we made him chuckle on stage. I think fucking he tried to break. He tried to break the fucking, he tried to what? He loved you guys. He tried to break his hand. Yeah, yeah. tried to what? He loved you guys. He tried to break his hand.

Yeah. He's strong motherfucker. He's strong. I hope he's right now. He's digging a hole in the wall so he can hide. When we leave, so he hides and then you wake up, he's just on top of you. Shirtless.

I think he's gonna walk back in. He's gonna be bleeding in this forehead. He's like, what happened? And nobody's gonna say shit. I'm not saying anything. I'm gonna do fucking Amazon ad week audio and say you know what dude get the fuck out of here I'm not helping you clean out. I gotta fucking watch it. I'm gonna spot Can I go back to the molestation thing? Yes, please. I was never molested. Yes you were but yes you were I was he wanted to be I really feel like I missed the bowdark, but I want I was a camp counselor for a few summers and

Never molested myself. Let me Kids line up over here. Let me see yummy Jewish kids. I've fucked with my finger I've sucked off 19 five year olds. Hearts of gold. All of them. Great kids. He's blown babies. So I walk into the cabin one night and my kids, my kids are in a circle playing fucking

cookie. So you get a whole soil. Come on a cracker. You know the so cookie cookie a whole soil the racker come on a cracker you know the so uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh cookie cookie it's called circus scene Turns out And my first blow That one Hey, uh, so you you you molested these kids. No, I just I broke up the circle jerk You're like a prison guard I was like back to yourselves I haven't bacon and sleepers, but am I the asshole?

Is that something that kids need to experience to grow up or am I I don't think they They were I would say around the ages of a 10 and 11 There's one kid stopping Shuleys I Say that again Scope I didn't even have a new crazy. No, we all the circle I never did a circle. Jerry. I did a public dry Humping. We were like all Humping pillows at the sleepover. It was pretty good. You never jerked off. We friend in the room. Oh, you're I mean like that's a circle

Jerry, but in like sleeping bags, separate sleeping bags. Like in college, I jerked off like that. Sure. No, but you're trying to like hide it from your Yeah, I wasn't like, you know, I was like well, we all discovered Yeah, hang on stop. I think we got a really good story Adrian you got something Look at me I saw dick to saft a new song I had a roommate who fucking was terrible when I was what do you mean? I was living in a dorm. You start fuck me. What are you? I used to I used to one of my friends Adrian hates people

I would I would be jerked off one night. Yeah on his face No, I just show he would hear me Why quite nothing well in the middle of the night just came back You're homosexual, but what do you just because I wanted this kid on cloudable point where he left? What do you say you want him to hear like what is some of the stuff you're yelling out like what is his name? What is his name? Quintin so that's where you like like what do you know? What was his name?

What was his name? Quinton. So that's where you got like, oh shit man. Quinton. That's funny about that. Quinton. As far as like, as far as arms in a war, like what you were doing to him, that is a pretty high grade.

Yeah, I used to leave dishes in the sink. I shit and I flushed 12. He's like, yeah, shit in the ball. Fuck you, Quinton. He's like, all right, well, we're still in him. So you, you jerk off on nice. Yeah, I went to bed. He's like, yo, Quinton, I'm going're still in humans so you you jerk off watch this

Talk to you all Quentin. I'm gonna fucking come all over you jerk off and come on your chest and leave it Yeah, yeah stop. I don't fucking understand this Wait a minute. It's just right right into you breathe. I went to sleep you come on yourself Into what into my briefs my box. Okay, so here I don't get this If you guys do this so you jerk off you come into your underwear and you leave it Well, it was three. I mean I'm like I'm gonna get a shower. Oh go off of it You get a towel and clean yourself up 30 y'all get a fucking leave the silly putty in your underwear, right? Yeah, and let it heart what the fucking let it harden the way right and let it heart what the fucking let it harden of you.

One soul to yourself. Why would you get to yourself? We can't talk about it in the wash. We can't leave the fox over in there. You could also get up and just get it's better. It's all in the bed and coming to the towel. You don't come in the you underwear is not for coming into jerk off into your sock.

Something. I never I never joke off now. Do you go you jerk off on you stomach and go to sleep with her? No. She just like if it's a middle night and off. So in the middle of the night. I get up in shower. In the middle of the night if you jerk off you're gonna fucking leave it your underwear. Yeah. And then to the mall. I want to play stuff. I like how he's leading further away from hang on. Do you live with your parents? Yeah. Does your mother clean your fucking clothes? Who cleaned you?

Don't lie dude. You clean your underwear. Are you sure? I'm positive your mother now I don't do it that often into my underwear. Oh, so let's just come film all the while this was this was just a torture that kid That night what you hear me? Yeah, it's your underwear I don't know if you if you were trying to sleep and you to listen to somebody masturbating. I get hard Yeah, just fucking If you were trying to sleep and you to listen to somebody masturbating, I get hard You look over he'd be right next to you going to rehab say it again. Just be breathing I like how Adrian's like I'll show him I'll sleep in my own calm. Yeah, I'll show you I'm gonna suck your dick. Yeah, what was the penalty to your roommate? you a dick. Yeah, what was the penalty to your roommate then?

He just heard you jerking off. He was a real like, Dude, I'm gonna get some sort of infection on my dick. So you show you. You think you freaked him out because you were jerk off? Definitely, yeah. I bet you, if I bet you were in the bath

of a jerk off, to you jerking off. I bet it was a fucking nice queer fest, you started. I think you sucked you in, that's what he wanted you to do. Yeah, right? He never moved out, right? The guy never left him. No, he never left him. Have you ever done, have you ever been molested?

No, I've never. Never. Let's remember Bobby asked that question Mike. No, I never. When he decided to attack the room, he's fine. I mean, I think we, we used to, I've jerked off with friends in the room. We knew like 12 or 13 watching porn for the first time.

Yeah, you know, you're not a virgin, you just not a virgin. So that's not, I mean, we didn't, we just doing in front of us. But like, I never never was like hey, let's all like it was never Buddy, no, I had plenty of friends, but we never were I know you did it was all Joe I can't ask all that was the channeling scope. Oh, what the fuck you serious Bandana fuck it up context listen, so you never jerked off with your friends. No in the room No, never well

I mean if I had it wasn't like hey, let's all do it wasn't announced it wasn't like a set thing So I'm not saying we fucking we were in a fucking day running when I was a kid They had a circle like they But I didn't schedule it in a fucking appointment We all hang it out someone to point on and then we jerked off It's so funny imagine that now like But you know I wonder kids now do because kids now have such access to porn on their phones One magazine or one day very head-and or one very. I had a tape.

My brother had a tape when I just I took that tape and we all watched that. What was it? Yeah, I was a kid. porn was the Sears catalog. Yeah, you have to read. You know, can I say something?

You were a kid. It was the best. Well, you guys would joke off. Yeah, stop. Is anybody writing in? Is anybody out there listening and writing in answering this stuff? I'm going to I'm going to end the this stuff? I'm gonna end the show.

We're gonna end the show soon because I'm gonna kill Louis. This motherfucker literally went from one face to the other. I didn't tell you. I didn't tell you what I was doing when I was in Puerto Rico. He was stopping. Stop it and Louis did for the first time ever. Yeah.

I haven't told him this fucking week. I'm gonna stop it for fucking two years. You'll fucking do that dumb rattlesnake in my face. I want to text a message to James. I don't, I think that it's, it's, it, it porn was not as accessible it is now. No, and we need, and I used to jerk off to the photos. I used to jerk off to photos.

How about jerking off to the fooder? How about jerking off to the food or How about jerking off to the fucking picture that wasn't even clear the scrambled pick? How about how you could make out a tutti for just How about how about jerking off to the ads in the back? Yeah other Here's what you would do you would save you to be touching me you wouldn't want to get to the next page So you'd come to the one thing and you would save everything from the fucking ads to the shit later on in the magazine You were cherish to explicit no because you would literally cherish the fucking the shit that would turn you on Tell him what that means

I remember I heard fucking jerking off to like photos. I remember I remember when I found out about Playboy and then hustler that hustler actually showed the dick in the vagina right that's it I was a change remember I was like what the fuck the freak me out could you do you remember did it hardcore porn the first time I saw this. Oh my God. Do you remember when you saw, and it was so fucking staged, the guy would hold his dick so perfectly

in the end of the vagina and the helmet would just be in the pussy lips. So perfectly. Everything's glistening. Yeah, like the gizz would just be like one, like a drip and then a line to the top of his dick like a fucking tightrope A sagging tightrope It was like what the fuck and you'd sit there and you'd flip and flip until you got to that that one where it was like inner

Conte you like on the pages and they'd stick together Remember that Shizzing on the page on the page after After you were like, you know what I did? I'm dumb at this magazine. She's wearing a fucking closer- That's her close- Close- And now-

That's you putting the quarters over the eyes? Yeah. Goodbye magazine. Yeah. You're sending it out in a fucking canoe and I like- That of a s- Shooting it up. Shooting it up.

Shooting it up. Shooting it up. Shooting it up. Shooting it up. Shooting it up. Shooting it up. Shooting it up. Flaming Arrow. Yeah. Flaming Dead Shorps. He just catches on. We give you a King's Root Room. I remember that. I remember porn was, I mean, James. You guys remember choking off to your parents fucking, right?

No. Okay. Ha. Ha. I'm giving, do you ever catch your parents fucking? No. No.

I did. No. You did? I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was the bra I was like I was like I was like I was my dad's six and I walked into their room or the car is I walked into their room and And that was like when I was like get out of here get out of here and then I looked into the people's I wanted to know and I saw I'm fucking but what how I was fucking your mom your damage jerking off Oh, yeah, it's good. Yeah, listen how what what position what was it? I was on top

Now listen how what what position what was it? My dad was What are you jerking up to this right now? Make it funny but in between his answers Listen I'm making it funny. Of course you're making it funny. I just want to hear what he's saying Let's I think my dad was on top really on top just images now my head But you remember him like his ass my head, but you remember him, like his ass? Yeah.

And you remember your mom's titties? Like, no, I didn't see my mom. It was like early morning, so my mom wasn't like, I, you know what, no, I'll tell you what, someone believed in it, someone, but no. I only saw my father in the air. He's like, y'all, all I know is my dad, he was giving it, I'm mad, hard, my mom. I was like, y'all, all I know is my dad who's been giving it. I'm mad, hard, my mom.

I was like, yo, my, you're a champ. Yo, my, you're taking a fucking beat right now. Yo, that's my, I want to see my mom's pussy have a head shit. Oh, yo, dad, stand back. I want to see the damage. She's probably smoke coming off that thing. You're dead.

You're, honestly, dad, you're astounding. Have you ever seen your mom? Thank God, no, but I had a pretty me, Mick, you're honestly dangerous, tell you. Have you ever seen your mom show? Thank God no, but I had a pretty bad, my, we'll use to do the show called miserable men on serious and she called in one night my mom and one of the guys asked her, do you and Mr., do you and your husband still have sex? And I figured they had sex three times,

me and my two brothers, that's it. And she gave a worse answer than yes. She says every minute of the day. We're doing it now. She goes, it's the only reason we are still together. And I was like, oh, you could have done that. Is your mother a vampire? What the fuck was that?

She really does sound like it. People think I'm boasting. It's really. My parents met in the Israeli army. The other's SD. Yeah, my mom is old school SD. And she met in the Israeli army with my dad and fucking yeah They're bad. I just say really just a side note. He's actually said more funny stuff than scope out

Go ahead. Yeah, he's got a great. I'm killing it. I'm getting I'm just getting warmed up How do you want to move back buddy? What about you? Have you ever I know you get high? I'm just a real fear 65. I'm disturbed He hasn't been he hasn't been up this late since fucking the fireworks of 67 He really crapped out after a while You ever see Street walkers lessons you see your parents have sex you dad up the fucking entire corset from your mom You mother fucker You dead up the fucking entire corset from your mom. You motherfucker! I am one! I'm trying to get to one! This cut cuts me up with a good one and then you fucking...

You picked up my vibe, you motherfucker! I kinda did. I'm gonna show you. I'm gonna show you. I'm gonna show you. I was gonna say you fuck somebody in hay and you're gonna blow the candles out. That was like one of those Evan Eager's Scruccan's where you know what is it? I know you can say it twice. Have you ever caught your parents banging Chris from Belgium? Yeah, I Don't even want to talk about this Sorry, I'm sorry. Yeah, you did but I didn't I didn't I did too, but I didn't keep walking in like he didn't yeah, and analyze it Well, I didn't know the fuck you didn't take you dig out look to the PO. No, I knew I was going

I was like oh fuck me out of I got I want to see this I'm out of here I was terrible and I went in the other room and pretended I didn't they're like wow I actually saw my mom my stepdad who was evil evil person who used to abuse us. You guys well know this. When they were getting, when they were separating, we were weeks away from moving out and they were getting a divorce. One night I walked in and he was trying to, he was basically almost, you know,

he was on top of my mom and she was like, get off me. And I remember, I saw them naked. I saw him naked, I saw my mom naked. And I was, I was in sixth grade at this time. And I was like, I call my uncles. You're already a full-reaching alcoholic. Yeah, my uncle came, my uncles came over and it was a fucking, you know,

what the fuck's going on? I said he was, you know, because it was, it was, it was getting somewhere where it should, she was sleeping in the bed. And he came home and tried to get one last piece of ass. And she was like, go fuck yourself. So weird, because I know your mom.

Yeah, it's uncomfortable. Mom's almost a nice lady. Yeah, my mom's the fucking shit. And she, well, her new husband now, who's pretty much my dad, who's the fucking old school Frank Sinatra, you know, is just the nicest coolest mother fucker, Larry. You guys all make Larry.

Is the coolest guy ever. And you know, I know he had old fashioned cool sacks with my mom. Yeah, but your story before that sounded like a blue song, but you know, he come home late one night. Bum bum bum bum. Try to get some honey fun. Bum bum bum bum.

And the bees all dried up. Do you die, go go go go. My mom is sitting here. You hold down. Go go go go go go. You got it right now. Oh Dread him My mama said to him you hold Right now All right, listen we're gonna wrap this fucker up. We've been molested. We've seen our parents fuck. That's how we're close in this. You're the only one who's molested. Hey, yeah. Let's not throw the beat up there. I did not. I think you guys are all molested.

This is like a cliffhanger. I want to tune in next week. You're going to be back in Belgium. No, I'm going to be up in Maine at Music Camp. Oh, huh. So you'll be molesting next week. He's gumbaiting. He'll be with Julie. I got some new material.

You're going to be sucking your own pockets from the stumps next week. He's gumbaiting. He'll be with Julie. He's got some new material. He's gonna be sucking your own cock and some of the stumps next week. He's gumbait gonna be there. When I was younger, you know, it was like after this like motherfucker. You're ending the show with you having it. And I don't care because I'm running out as soon as this is over.

I know you're tired. You're blood sugar's low and you can't kill anybody right now. And you were gone for like 10 minutes after we talked about that. I know, I know. Anyways, you guys, it's been a great show. We're doing this Saturday night because I'm leaving for Montreal. I'm going to be in Montreal next week doing really cool shows

at Ryan Hamilton. It's the All-Star show. And then I'm going back and doing a gala with Russell Peters. So I'm going to be in Montreal for two weeks. If you guys want to, you know, if you're going to go up there, if you live in upstate New York, it's right to fuck there. Go over, get the, you can buy the badge and go into every fucking show you want. Go to justfulafs.com. I fucking love this festival. It's one of my favorite things to do uh... in in comedy i'm very excited about it so uh...

make sure you go to robber Kelly live dot com and scobo's gonna read my stuff after we go through all the plugs we're gonna go to a sholey first uh... uh... you follow me on twitter at cheloma sholey and uh... all gay information is at clean box entertainment dot com uh... gonna be a mohican son september twenty at Shalom Shuley and all gay information is at CleanBox Entertainment.com. It's going to be a Mohican Sun September 20th and a bunch of other places. So go to the website, check it out. And as always, thank you, man. I'm a subscriber and a big fan of the podcast.

Always a pleasure to meet you. I'm a fan of you too, bro. You fucking great. What do you got besides the news? Mike Ambrick. Michael. Thank you for including me in this and follow me at your own risk Thank you do you can hear him on Howard 100 news is the lead anchor Yeah, can you I want you to do a thing at the end? We do one for us. I'll do anything you would like you at the back I'm a circle jerk at the end you're cute, but you're not

What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? Why would you? I need the envelope. Dude, look, we know that Dan's better looking than me. You have to throw me under the bus right at the end of the show. Oh, thank you, bitch.

Thank you, man. He's gonna take what he wants. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait And he's saying, I got it, let me get a pitch, and get back over there.

Get back to, sir. Ah! I'm the brushing of the hair. Ah, that was the best. I'm gonna come back half from handless next part. He's my son, what next part? That makes it hotter. All right, Dan, what do you got?

DanceOter.com. I'm gonna be at Fox Woods, comics of Fox Woods July 24th through July 26th, and then Cincinnati, Ohio in August, at Sotar.com. Awesome, check it out. Sotar, what do you got besides Fox Woods? I'll be at comics of Fox Woods,

July 24th, and Sotar, he said, he said Sotar, he said Sotar, he'll be a gopenter. Oh, shit, sorry. I'm just such a big fan of Dan. Yeah. I'm doing good. And I know Dan's gonna hit my lesson tonight By Mike. Yeah, you're driving me home, bro. So I'm driving you home. You're not. Yeah, I will. Dick is driving you home, bro

I'm really not cool man. Sorry. Stop rattling. Hi, here we go. What do you got? Just act Chris Copo on Twitter? Tell your dates. No, do mine at the end. I want to know what so old mate Now this is this is yeah, thanks for inviting me a good time. Well, this was kind of incredible Was it I had no idea what to expect yeah, if I had known I'd probably would have stayed downstairs But I really want to know was it that was it bad for you? Was it interesting? Was it fun? Yeah, it was definitely interesting You know, I've been up here the last couple days checking out the the surroundings and seeing how it all works It's an eye opener. No, I've heard some podcasts before but nothing like this Problem it just take it that might be a compliment

But he might write a blog about it and get me fucking taken off the air He's gonna wait a letter to iTunes. I'm a little more worried about Reprocussions of finding a Dodd's teacher in Brussels No, I'm really gonna find you I'm hoping we're calling you Chris I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm hoping I'm So there's a lot of people from Brussels, but nobody's gonna fuck with you And you didn't say anything incriminating anyway. You just knew a guy who blooms off Who doesn't you kill the good others who doesn't who hasn't you you weren't the hooker killer who Michael was All right, no But he's a professional hooker killer. He does it humanely

No, this has been great and I love Here and you guys downstairs, you know, in the comedy seller, it's just great stuff. And seeing you guys like being a kind of real here, kind of real, kind of unreal, it's real. Real Astids. Well dude, I was, you were a good civilian. I'll give you, I will give you a, an A, an A for being a good to do.

It doesn't just throw that out, by the way. Well, I did, I just made it up right now. I'm never giving anybody a great ever. I know, I'm kidding. All right, so Adrian. I'll never give it anybody great ever. I know I'm kidding all right So Adrian, what do you got buddy? What can people do? Okay, all right, so I'm gonna be at me your mother fucker. You're producing you don't get credit I get to I have to actually fuck something If it's in the dark, I'm not allowing it's on the dark if it's fucking with balloons. I'm not allowing it's not on the dark

Is that what balloon if you if you if it's fucking with balloons. I'm not allowing it's not in the dark is that with balloons It's if you if you if it's fucking go ahead Why can't we defense go mites real ass dudes rattlesnakes come out August 2nd to porchester New York I will be headlining Garcia's at the capital theater Garcia Garcia's what the Capitol Theater. God see us. Garcia's. What the fuck is that? It's a deli. Oh, no. It's a Joann chicken farm. Bodega.

Uh-huh. They have a cat. God had spitted out. They've got a cat. They've candy bars in the freezer. Come on, real. It's actually starving right now. Can we hurry up?

They've got a cat. It's fun. I got to get out of here. All the second Portchester, New York, Capitol Theater. Go to capital capital theater.com Yeah, Garcia's was the little cool lounge there. We get it Check me out at Louis J. Gomez on Twitter Puerto Rican rattlesnake.com realize dude.com Kelly for sucker sucks.com Gomez comedy.com check me out on the internet

Check me out live you mother fuckers are real you motherfuckers are go mates. Oh god Get out of here. Come on get out of the camera. All right. thank you. Oh, Jesus, mother of Joseph, what a fucking schlug you are. Schlug? I just made that up. That's pretty good. Is it? No, I was trying. All right, so check it out, man.

You guys are the best fans of the fucking planet. I want to thank you two motherfuckers for my for the dick gavill. I called it a gavlin last night. And a fucking moron. I said, he's spelled gavillon. He goes, you don't. Ben Bailey goes, you don't. It's not a word, dummy.

I go, it's gaville. I don't think, go ahead, I just spelled that. You should have rolled down your window and asked somebody in the street. Can I have the band-aid? Yeah, absolutely. All right. Right at the end. All right, gaville. Yeah, wait a awesome. Alright guys, where are we going today?

Yeah, good. So August, we're spinning out. 31st to August 30th, we get the comedy works in Denver. Love it. And then August 7th through August 10th, you're at the stand-up live in Phoenix, Arizona. Bam, bam, bam. And make sure you check me out in Montreal.

And my special, we're editing it. It's fucking looks amazing. I'll let you, I got some news on that, we'll let that out as soon as I can. And it looks like we're gonna start shooting sex drugs in rock and roll in October. So we're very excited about that. So I'm very excited. And you guys are the best fans on the fucking planet earth. Thanks for joining the Riot.

And thanks for listening to You Know What Did Podcast. Check out riotcast.com For all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros.

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