Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Okay Dog

Episode Date: December 30, 2019

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again You know what I did? Really, really, really, really. You know what I did? I just stuck and stick. That's it. Right there. I love pauses. Paws is in fucking radio. Great.

Anyway, he's. Yeah, it's, I gotta pee and poop. Anyways, YKWD, you know what, dude. What's happening? We're back. We're back. We're back. Patreon, you know, the best, thanks for being a part of that.

Somebody grabbed the door. Yeah. And, uh, we have a very special guest today. Who like Fiona? He's one of my favorite people. Pull your headphones on so you can hear that you're not talking into the microphone. No, you're not hearing me because you're not talking into the microphone. I know why I get too close for some sick. That's why we're going to throw that out after you're done. We'll spray. Oh, okay. We're going

to spray. We're going to throw it out like. Like, he's sick, he's got AIDS. Anyways, so yeah, we get the great, the legend. Rich Voss is here. Mike just came up with a really bad face. What's wrong with you? What? Oh, stairs hurt you. Anyways, Rich Voss is here today.

There's a noise gonna be up in a second. Yeah Mike. For your noise, man. We actually overbooked the show and We had a cancel a couple guests today Casey Balsham and Casey James Salango never booked two cases. Okay, I don't book two Joes Completely different people. I don't like Casey Casey. Okay. It's bad luck. Really? I think so. Okay. I think I made that up. But I think so. It's not like a bad luck thing. Hey, we had a cancel and Tim Dylan said he was gonna be here but that fat cluster fuck never showed up You're just far. He's gone. Listen to me Never showed up. You're just far.

He's gone. Listen to me. I bumped into, we had, we had, we had him booked. Well, he didn't show. But you know what? Rich Faw showed. This is sick. Showed up.

Yeah. Oh, showed up. Oh, washed up. No where else to be. That was kind of fun. Come on. Look at that. Hey, when can I start y'all that, Mike? I was gonna fall. Come on. Look at that.

Hey, when can I start y'all on that mic? Anytime you want. We're fucking up my social media. What do I pay him for? Did you? Well, every day he should have been promoting my CD. Every day, like a couple times. Coming up with new things and other things

and talking to you about it. I sent him a picture of the album cover and every now and then I'll see a post that he throws up on Instagram or Facebook Are you checking your stories though? Because I don't on Instagram. I do not listen to me Instagram's two different things Instagram main is very Sacred what goes up there is big. Yeah, and I let it sit and stew sacred. Well, it goes up there is big. And I let it sit and stew. Simmer, they call it. Yeah. On the story is where you put all stuff, all kinds of different stuff every day.

Let them go there. They'll see a 15 second this, a 15 or 30 second of that. Yeah, the last time I sent them was cleaning my gutters, maybe. Did you put that on your story? Yeah. People love the story, dude. It's a story of what you're doing. Let's go. Then what can he do with my CD, new CD in this story? No, what can he do? What can you do? He's the one who I pay to do that.

No, he puts it up and get in like the creature kids stuff and I can answer this, Bobby. Yeah, oh shit. So what? Basically, we put, I'd rather have Bobby answering it. So I basically, what we do is, but go ahead. What were you saying? We put it on the story? What's that Mike? You know the story than they will on the actual picture

But because there's already one post on there. Have you put the same post every day? No one's gonna see it You got to be creative as a creative I know but it looks like an ad on your on your actual feed Yeah, it doesn't want to show it to people because you're not paying for that ad As far the algorithm whatever doesn't want to show it to people because you're not paying for that ad Far the algorithm Whatever whatever you got to do to show Well, I'm gonna look you to have me some more CDs. Yeah, and I don't have to You're blaming Mike for your CD sales and you also want is more than just a stream it because you're gonna make more money off of that

Then you will know that's what I mean stream in an iTunes. They download it I know I'm not saying that you're coming to my house and buying it. I'm not opening a fucking CD stand. No, no, no, what I mean is they have Apple music or Spotify, not buying the entire CD. You have 19,000 people falling on Instagram. Yeah. Okay, I have a hundred down 80 out of some Twitter.

You've got one, two, three things on story. Yes, your story should be fuller. He is failing you. He is at an alarming rate. You're doing his social media? I mean, it's helping me, you're doing it. I pay you. Yeah, no, no, he's literally I would scream

in him right now. I don't want to, because I like him. I like him too, but I would fucking kill him. Like the fact that he didn't get something downstairs when he saw you or something from me, hey, can you do something for Voss's to tell people, I mean, you gotta be thinking all the time about the story. Hey, Voss is a C, Bobby, Punches CD, Hey Soda,

did you hear about Voss's can you do something? He should be getting stuff like this, come on. You should too though. I know. He, I getting stuff like this. You should too though. I know. I do a lot of my story. Yes. Look at the poor guy sweating like a fucking suckling pig. No, look at him.

I mean, he's, I know. Why don't you put that on my story, your forehead. Drifting, dripping like a tornado. But if it's just drip the name of your album right on his forehead. It's like, I mean, he's gonna have I mean, I think he's dying Nobody's sweating in here. Nobody nobody sweating and that for I mean, I'm gonna throw up. It looks like wet hand It looks like high school

Look at forehead. How much like that 20? You give me 300. I'll do it. Oh, three give me one of those rings. I'll do it. Give me one of those rings I'll do it away. Well 300 same. I know it's not. Well, you're doing impressions again. I'm glad you know that was an original. Oh, that was. Yeah. I was original. Which are these candies go to our spike?

There's a wall. It's illegal. What do you think of my already? She fear I'm putting mushrooms in candy. Oh, he sells out. I sold out. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. I sold out this weekend.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. What a 14 meter dude. No, I've come in the state, dude. Oh, yeah. You know, yeah. First of all, you weren't dead this weekend. You were in Aruba last week.

Last week. Last week. So did I. The same week. But you need to sell out in comedy on state. No, yes, I did there. I mean, everybody why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure.

I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure.

I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure.

I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm not sure. that that that that was for you. No, no. Why would you think in a million fucking you, this is why you're nuts. This is why you're fucking mental. I don't know, I know your fingers are all over the place. God, I mean, I disagree. You got, you got, you got, I took a fucking train and he has to have it.

Never know when I'm gonna be home again. Um, I wouldn't, why would I ever, this is what fucking bugs me about you. I tell me, it's like, tell me, tell me, go ahead, Bonnie. I left home so I didn't have to hear this, but what the hell is two bees coming at me? It bugs me about you is that you think that there'd be chocolate on the fucking table.

You're like 38 dose and I would just dose them. Not you dose them. First of all, comics bring stuff around. Who knows? It was sealed. It's good. Yeah. It was sealed. Yeah. Good. So what are you going to watch me for the next 18 minutes to find out if I hopefully you sweat like fucking wet 18 minutes, maybe seven I'd watch you for. Yeah. If I was TV producer, going to learn something. Oh, yeah. That was good. Whoa. Look who's, look at this. All the mics are coming on strong tonight. Yeah. Fiona and

Moch. Finoia. Yeah. Finoia. I always say it wrong. Why does he say that? Everyone does. Yeah, it's a shitty name. It is. What do you think? It's a hard name, dude. I'll tell you what you do.

Change it. Now, Kelly, it's a Mike Kelly Kelly. Kelly, Kelly. Well, tour it again. Mike, I quit. I should. Mike, I quit. I should just change it to that.

He did a horrible one last year. We did a private show at some acidic party. It was horrific. I'm watching him eat it gone. Oh, at least thank God. He's eating them and they'll turn around for me. What he ate regurgitated and I would be aided. Oh, you're both eight. You dex. Oh, it was fucking terror. Where was it? He brought me to some What was it like in Brooklyn right? Yeah, Brooklyn the part of Brooklyn that's impossible to get to like right next to the river There's no trains go there. There's a river in Brooklyn. Well, you know The East River goes between Manhattan and Bartlett underneath one of the bridge. I did not I did not know

Dumbbell. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Dumbbell. Okay, and it was a party I just didn't know that river thing? Yeah, yeah, Dumbo. Okay. And it was the party. What you calling it? I just didn't know that river. Ding-ba. Ding-ba Brooklyn. You know, between a D and a J. Yeah, I do. You're a J. There's guys rolling cigars the whole time.

Remember that? You're a D and a J. You're a dumb Jew. Hey! J-Wass. I want to change it. It was a horrible. It was not that hard. J was. I want to change that. It was a horrible. It's not that hard to,

Dumbbell is not hard to get through. The train goes right there. The J train. The J train literally stopped. The J stopped. Stop's right there. It does. Yeah, you walk by.

How do you know all about train because I've done television and we shot over there. Oh, and I had to take the train because I wasn't famous. So they made me take a train. It wasn't, it wasn't. It's still aren't. Don't say you wasn't famous. So they made me take a train wasn't, wasn't still aren't. Don't say you wasn't famous at the time. You know, I mean, you're well known, you know, in this room, you're the second most famous. You're not the first. Oh easily. Baba, I guarantee Chris has no idea who you are. I guarantee you forgot you.

Chris, what's Voss's last name? I have money. It was. Hope you're working on my story. You're amazing at it. You do so much with Instagram. I hate it. I absolutely hate it.

I don't understand what you mean. You're your stories. You put a ton of stories on it. Yeah, talk more. Go ahead. I'm glad. You you mean. You're your stories. You put a ton of stories on. Yeah, talk more. Go ahead. You got the new puppy. I watched that. Can I say something about the story though? I, I don't do Twitter at all. I think because it's negative. It's garbage. It's for people. Here's what it is. It's for, okay, great joke writers of people who like writing jokes on it. And then, oh, that's a good one. Let me put it out there and let me see how many people like my joke. I get it. I actually do that on stage on weekends, oh, that's a good one. Let me put it out there and let me see how many people like my joke.

I get it. I actually do that on stage on weekends, but you can do it during the week just to get you a dick card and have a bunch of hearts. I get it. I actually go Instagram because I like videos, I like photos and I like when people, I let them kind of into my world of what I'm doing

in that day. That's why the stories are great. They go the fuck away. Yep. So yeah, I like that. That medium is kind of like a longer vine for me, which I like. I think it scrums the best.

I think it's great. It's not self-serving. I'm not fucking being an ingomaniac. I'm not sitting there. I got to look at me. I'm the fucking, look how funny I am. I'm actually being a little vulnerable on there, which I think people like.

Some people do, some people don't, whatever. Well, like when you're living an experience, like when you're with your kid, you're showing your kid the puppy for the first time to go, this would be a great video. Well, I said, I do videos not for story. I'm just doing videos. Right.

And then I'll throw them on my story. I'm not really, I'm not really all the time going, let me flip on Instagram and do a story. Sometimes I do a video of you and your kid. Yeah, I do a lot of video. My kid likes it. I like video. I like editing it.

I love the iPhone. I've always, I like tech. I just love it. So, yeah, that type of video stuff is up my alley. People, there's people that are like, great on fucking Twitter. I mean, I read their tweets, I'm like, that's a fucking great tweet. You know how you got your own alley?

Huh? You got your own alley? What do you mean? You just set up my alley. I didn't know you had an alley. I wish you were dead in an alley. But I still get help with it. Like Mike helps me with that that shit Gabby helps with the Insure you have to yeah, I mean I like Gabby's mics. Mike's is you know Mike. You don't really do yours that much, but I do my own because I work everybody else. Yeah, you should that's the way it is keep look at me

You're fucking make me feel guilty for you Well, I'm kidding you can make good money doing it man, huh a lot of people charge a ton I don't know when I'm kidding. You can make good money doing it man, huh? A lot of people charge a ton. I know, he's a good person. But I think even on like creeps or kids, the stuff we and him were doing was fucking awesome. Yeah, very happy.

Yeah, all the videos we were making. Videos are great. Watching you guys on tour. Yeah. It's blast. Here's the thing, why I love that tour. Some people, it looked, I get it. You have a lot of money.

You want to show us how much fucking money you get and turn around and do that. Fucking, we're sold out. Hey, what's up? It's just me, like, no, it's thousands of that. Fucking we're sold out. Hey, what's up? It's just me. No, it's thousands of people. I get it. I'm jealous of it.

Say thank you, Rogan. I'm, what happened? Well, what happened? I'm jealous of it. Abs of fun. And if I could get it, I'd fucking, I'd definitely get it. Yes. But like, you know, our thing I think we were being funny all the time.

We were having fun. We were showing, I wanted to not sit there and go look at us Selling out right we're in a fuck because we didn't have a bus. We didn't have a jet. We didn't have a phone. We never shit No, we were we were all go we drove and my fucking truck wanted I mean we were just going we were making selling out Doing great, but and here's the thing Not one we did I don't want what 16 theaters 14 over killed every show killer. Yeah, we killed it. But here's the thing is that all the video, the content we put up was fun and interesting. Yeah. Yeah, which I like. It wasn't us, you know, being like, we're rockstar. We're fucking Pantera, right? Yeah're gonna have to get old fucking bands.

Yeah, for us to decide to meet. It's Florida. It's not me. And besides me, the other three week links even filled it. Yeah. And held it together. Even Ronnie. Oh, we Ronnie is a Ronnie is a piece.

A piece. I love that I even know that dude. He's the best. This is a weird thing about Ronnie is that he has that thing where you want him to like you. Yeah. And you want and you feel grateful to be friends with him. Uh-huh. I was, but it's not enough.

I was talking about, never, never gives you enough. I was like, I get too much to this guy. Yeah. Like I really, at some point, it's like, I'm dying enough. I don't want to, I'm full of violence. They call me for over a week. I was broken. So I was, I was here this year, this year, the other morning. I was like, buddy, what's wrong here?

Moping around, I go stop. I was here this year, this year, the other morning, and I'm talking to Ronnie, and as I'm talking, he's just walking to the elevator. I'm like, I'm really not done. He just walks away. He's totally, I think he's at a point where it's just that, like I literally have a conversation with him and I'm like, wow, that was really meaningful.

And I was like, yeah, because my stepdad, and he's gone, like gone. I was about to cry. Yeah, he gives you what he wants to give you. And then he walks away. That's why you want him more. That's exactly he keeps you wanting more. But he is an unbelievable, you know, it's funny too,

is how much he kills. Yeah. Nonchalantly. So chill. Yeah dude. Non fucking shalantly. Dude, he's the best at, I mean, I don't see it.

Yeah. Listen to his unmasked too. Like I remember going back and listening like the old Brian Regan one from Wayback. And it's like, this fucking guy, man, I could just listen to him. Listen to him. My dad about how much why he hates me so much.

He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like,

he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's I wouldn't do it. None of us would be able to do what he does at the end. Because he knows how to...

He's fine. You don't know. It would be about you. It'd be all about you. You'd be like, if ospreos.com. He literally guides us at the end, and knows exactly when to go, guys, thank you so much. He's so quick though, though, with his comeback.

He is quite quick. He makes us all look like superstars, and he knows when they They also know that I fucking destroy it. Oh, he's destroyed me man that molestation shit I never said I was molested all of a sudden they're like so when were you being molested Bobby and I'm like I was it Back to you like was I is he that could have been interviewed or that he like was I fucking molested? All right, I told him it's secret Into one of his two pairs of glasses. Yeah, that's the funniest till he goes on stage with two pairs of glasses I did that I'd be scared the whole time I wear a fucking shirt. That's too tight. I'm like I know I'm fat

I'm like what's they do? I walk on stage with two pairs of glasses. Yeah, doesn't give a shit and here's the thing about it. Nobody says anything. No never heard anybody call him fat Never no, I get called fat all day long. Come on, all day long. No, plus size, not always fat. I let it get ready. I could tell you lost weight. I did not lose weight.

You did on your diet. I started it yesterday. What's the diet? What's the diet? You put 90 dozed candies in front of you and just not eat them. No, you just one of the way. By the way, I'm of you and just not eat them. No, he uses one By the way, I'm feeling a little fucking weird right now. Yeah, why? Oh, my hands are starting to like feel I'm gonna stay away from the can do I

Think there's no minute. He's ad libbing I just want you to even a freak the fuck out. I am yeah, I was in a rubah And I just I fucking I'm done I Somebody throw a harpoon at you I was in Aruba and I just, I fucking, I'm done. I've, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, So the whaling jokes, I mean, upgrade them at least. Okay. All right. Yeah, I'm waiting. See urgent. No, they're not even that small. They're tiny. Oh, these two, notty. Oh, you did a sick fart. Yeah, it's a sick fart. Working out new stuff. Oh, sick parts are only to sick parts of just medicine Just medicine. Oh, the bad You're an asshole It's a mutzable and fucking nightquill fart you you're a fucking cunt

Oh, I don't need to get stinger like I was fucking dusty I Fock it. I was a go singer dusty colon. I was I was I'm gonna see dusty colon I I was like, when did you go, Jay, I'm gonna see Dusty Colin. I fired it on the plane home so bad from all the shit food. I ate just chocolate and fucking french fries pizzas. My asshole, it was, the first of all, the shit was coming out black, like just hot.

And then I was fired on the plane so bad. My wife was getting mad at the person. She did, I was like, I kept looking around like, what the fuck, she's like, ah, fucking, who ever is doing that? That's a piece of shit. She was so mad. And then we're walking to get the bags and she smells it again. She goes, it was you! I'm like, how do you know it's me? She goes, the, there's no way I smell the dare and not you're the only fucking thing that's still here. That's terrible. Nothing's better than ripping a sick fart when you're alone in bed,

and you just smell it until you fall back to sleep. I did. I did. A lot better than that. I like jerking off that as I'm smelling it. He raised the phone. You're a fucking garbage person. You really are Jersey garbage.

You know that, right? You deserve the teeth you got in life. Thank you. I pay for them. Not those ones. the ones that are dead on an ethos. They behind them don't cough I don't want them coming out. I'm just coughing and farting everywhere. That's what happens when you don't feel well Well, I'm not gonna do everywhere. I'm doing it right where I'm sitting the The Dietamon

Tony V and actually Ray Ellen, what doing this thing all week? They were eating fucking great, but they were on this diet. And I was like, I'm, I'm in the, the whole 30. What's that? It's the diet. Why are you talking like an old man? What's that?

Put your headphones on you. I heard you. What's the whole 30? The whole 30, uh, is that an ESPN? No. It's a diet. It's basically looking, here's the thing. I treat diets like Bruce Lee treated martial arts.

Okay, you take whatever you can do and put it together and just fucking do it. I know the grains are bad for me and I know that sugar's a bad. So I'm cutting them all the fuck out for 30 fucking days. I'm done. I'm done, 30 days I'm done. I'm not, I'm talking no 30 days. I'm done. I'm not.

I'm talking no sugar. I would do everything. I would you were saying comedy, but go ahead. Sorry. That was not good. What is it? He just did depression of you. What? Now we have to throw two mics away. That was a fake one, dummy. It was fake. He did it with his mouth. Oh, he didn't do it again. Oh, you're good. That's why the impractical chokers like you, buddy. You could do that. That's what I did.

That's what I'm, that's what I'm down to now. Just fart noises post. Give me a job. Yeah, totally. How do you show great sugars? You know, it's the worst. Here's the thing that's what got me on this diet. They were like, you can have potatoes.

I go, wait a minute. You can have breakfast with potatoes. I'm like, what? You have baked potatoes. I'm like, what? They're like, you can have french fries. I'm like, get the fuck. You just can't put anything on it.

Right. No, you can oil. Like I had a baked potato last night with extra extra virgin olive oil, salt and pepper, and avocado. I pushed it up, it was fucking, or mustard. I had a hamburger steak with onions grilled in virgin olive oil, with mustard instead of ketchup.

It was actually better. Why, I had mustard on my parogies, or mustard on so many things. Yeah, you know. But here, I put it on, this was fucked up. This is why I like Instagram. I put it up there on Instagram. 60 people to do it with me now.

Nice. I mean, a bunch of people sent me thing, I'm fucking fat, I'm chubby, I'm sick of it, I'm fucked, and I was like, let's go. And I sent everybody the stuff I got. So now everybody's gonna do it for the next 30 days. That's what you don't know, don't gonna try. Well, I would assume that guy Kevin Smith's the comic book guy, Kevin Smith, right?

Yeah, he had a bad heart attack. Yeah. He did a week of just potatoes. Well, you know, Danny is now. I know. Have you seen cut sugar? He just, that's all what was just thought of the thing before he interrupt. Sorry.

Sorry. I can't. You sort of pitch your eyes on like he's super skinny now, but he ate a week, one week of all potatoes. I hate you so bad. Did I cut him off? I mean, he was in the thing about the potatoes. Well, I was scared to fuck that.

I mean, yeah, he ate a week of potatoes and lost the ton of weight. Like, blood sugar went down and puttados, white potatoes, vegetable. Yep. Bang. You know what I got? Look at him now. You know what I got? I got an air fryer.

Yeah, I got one too. I love it. We got one. Did you try it? I never tried it. They're great. You're attacking me. I'll, you guys are both excited and I love it. I, Bonnie got me in the air fryer. We never, what kind of you get? Uh, I don't know. I never used to you. I don't cook. Um, what kind of you got? The foodie with an eye. Okay. And you can fit a six pound bird in it. And you can fit a ton of potatoes. You put them in cooks quick. Everything tastes right. French fries.

French fries. Like they're fried. Yep. You can do wings. You have one. You have one. Yeah. Oh, I didn't done steak yet. Put a steak in it.

We'll cook it in 10 minutes. You have one of those. I just got one. I got on the left. Why are they good for losing weight You use a lot of soil did you can like slice up a bunch of sweet potatoes throw it in there and you make like sweet potato chips Yeah, all good no, no, I have sweet potato chips. Here's the thing dude. I'm done. I'm done Your wife was right. What did she say she said you suck and I should leave him? No, she said now you're unfunny. No, I'm kidding.

She did say that. What did she say? She said, I don't like him. I thought he was gonna not feel like that over. What? Why did she say that to me? My wife say, I hold my mouth and I call for fun. Yeah, do it into your elbow.

Do it into your brain. They're gonna shake everybody's hands. Yeah, I'm not a fucking handshake. Should go ahead. I go like that. I didn't shake it. I pounded you. We shook hands. I did. Yeah. Sorry. Well, sick. I just have a little cough. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I felt that way when I went to Belgium last year, the, it was actually not last summer, the summer before. And we ate, like French fries and we ate the food and I didn't feel bad.

And I gained no weight because it was all, no process bullshit. Run. Nothing in it. That's all it is. I try love about Belgium, no process food. You've never been that's what you love about Belgium I think I was you've never been to Belgium. Is that real close to Holland because I did it one night or in a no It's not real close. I mean it's close to the Holland in and Wilkesbury How far is Holland Mike? What bosses story? No, from the previous episode.

What? Okay, I love the way he controls me. I like it. Holland from where? Down. How far is Holland from Belgium or Holland? I'm Amsterdam from Belgium. Anyways, or rather damn either one.

Don't use your own name as closer. Do you do you turn into a like a fucking crackhead when you quit sugar? Did I feel I felt sick last night? I've had a headache since I stopped splitting headache. No, letting me have a. I'm drinking black coffee. Is that you don't normally drink black coffee? I drink coffee cream and agave or Splenda. Why don't you put a like what do you call almond milk? I have, I haven't gotten

the yet and it's hard to find no Every super long thanks Nana and old Jewish Nana No, you can get a You can get I have it in my name. Okay, that's self stuff called silk your silk. Yes, I am Gross, yeah, I'm sick Is he doing the whole show? Tim Dylan, that piece of shit was supposed to be in there and he's helping us saving us. I know, but like he, he, I didn't even know he was coming. I didn't even show that I'm serious.

Yeah. So thank you, Mike, for coming up. You're welcome. I had like little super earlier that clock suck at Tim Dylan. And when am I coming on? I'd like to come back on tell, but come on tomorrow. Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Why what you got going on that? He's probably patting a cat and just got done suck and a dick somewhere. It was my fucking.

I'm also canceled. I was. Huh? It was my fault. I didn't. We didn't have his new number and I thought we did. I should have followed up. I don't know. Maybe I called up. It's a hey bro. You're coming and he would have said, I can't make it. I was just talking shit last night.

No, you know what I mean? Instagram and said, what? No one reminded me. And I said, we didn't have your number. I apologize to him. Alright. So it's Mike's fault. My Tim, my dad. I texted one day. Tim, I apologize for the cat reference. Did be very proud of that it canceled anyway? Oh, I like that.

So rich, you were there, Rich. You were there. I went to, we did a one, when I was doing Holland, it's two a night, we did a one night or in Belgium. We took the train there. So yeah, I was in Belgium. That's two, that's not the far. Yeah, we did.

There's a funny, I rented a boat in Belgium and go up the canals for seven days. So we went from Newport to Brussels on a bruge. It took seven hours on the canal. And then we went to go back and take the train. It was 14 minutes. 14 minutes. Yeah, 14, seven hours on the boat.

14 minutes on the train. It was a fucking outta here. So where the fucking fucking, no, I won't get the fuck outta here. That was a cool video though. Huh? You made that video from the bow. Yeah, from the bow. How do you know what a bow is? I just ordered a distinct.

He's never taken one. You don't do bows after guest spots. Boss, I as well love you and hate you. I knew as soon as you're you hear word bow, you're literally going one of hate you. I knew as soon as you hear word, bow, you're literally going, one of the wicked, I say this. I know it. Oh, I shit my pants.

What's going on? I don't know with that dumb hat. What are you directing traffic in the snow squall? Quite a squall out there. It is a squall. I just ordered a standard process. It's 21 days and it's an organic raw food diet thing. So you do seven days of no,

like the protein gets like lentils and shit, but you gotta cut everything caffeine. That's what kills me. Three days of that, I'm ready to fuck you up. Yeah, I'm not doing that. Yeah, man. The fact that I get to eat a baked potato last night, that's killing.

Saved my, I'll do that all the fucking day, and you can have breakfast potatoes. You can go into a fucking place and eat the breakfast potatoes. Avocado's eggs, I'm in. The thing is that that kills me is that that homie, warmie, potato, ee, motherfucker. Ooh, it feels good.

What's the other potato, the Cuban potato they use the, Cuban-pastanish guy? What do we got? The Cuban potato they use, the Cuban-spanish guy. What do we got? The Cuban. This is called the Yuka. Oh, we had that at the, how good is Yuka? Yeah, I'm sorry.

I loved it. I loved it. What do you try to be spicy? Well, you're just going left when I'm going right? Yuka root. Yeah, that was good that Yuka, but today. But you can't have butter, you can have ghee. I mean, I'm a bad at taste the same. Ghee tastes the same. You just don't you can't have butter. You can have ghee. I mean, which is the bad. It tastes the same. Huh?

Geat taste the same. You just don't use as much of it. It's pretty sweet. Little ghee and I or you I like extra virgin olive oil Salt and pepper. I put that on it lemon. I put that on my salad. I fucking eat it all day long. I can't have butter. Can't have butter. No, no, no, dairy. You know, I can't. No cheese. Can't figure out how we would ever be able to do intermittent fasting like as comics It's impossible. I tell you what I was trying to Why would it just slicing their wrists right now? I was more you fucking fat-flabbing ass. Listen, I was trying that diet Well, I was eating from three three p.m. to 11 p.m. Right? So I'm walking out to see it was two p.m. This is Trump's starvin Right and this homeless guy comes out to me goes you have a couple dollars right? So I'm walking down to you with two p.m. This is Trump starving, right?

And this homeless guy comes out to me and he goes, you have a couple dollars, so I can eat. I'm hungry. I go, you're hungry. I have another hour. And I have money. I go, try to go from three to 11, pal. That's fucking crazy. Yeah, I had a guy say we starving to me. And I went, I've been full for five years. How's that feel? How's that feel? I've never felt like you're in five years. So how much are you going to kick on 30 in 30 days? I'm not, I don't care.

It's not about the way I, I'm changing. I'm going to eat like this forever, I think. Because here's the thing. The way we eat here and all the corn syrup and corn starch and all that bullshit in the foods I don't like it. I don't fucking like it and when I was on vacation this time. I wasn't me I've been going a rubah for a long time and I've always had a blast this year physically I

Just I felt like I was in somebody else's body, you know, sorry for them Meaning I just, I felt like I was in somebody else's body. You know, sorry for them. I mean, fuckface is such a comment. Excuse me, pay attention, all right? I'm working for the pot. You doing what?

They do stuff, they multitask. Well, we're talking and enjoying ourselves. If you're focusing on me, she's putting stuff on Instagram, he's doing stuff for your answer. I mean, it's all happening. We got these guys over here making sure everything's working. I don't like her glow in the dark. This guy over here is ready to jump in when you're

just one of us. Right. Yeah. She's too bright. Wait, her hat and her face. What? You're not even listening to me. I am.

No, you were trying to find something wrong with her. No, I just too bright over there. Every time I look over there, I want to put on sunglasses. Yeah, the hats too, but we know what she does. This, she wants the peacock. She's a peacocker. What's a peacocker?

Gabby's a peacocker. It, I'm already beautiful. I'm tall. I'm thin. I'm blonde. She's all right. And I'm going to do weird shit just to fucking be weird because I can.

That's what she's doing. She's going to always go back to. Yeah, she can always go back to being just a little awesome white fucking povish girl. Let me be a little street rat. Let me look like a rat. Let me look like I want to skateboard in a metro. Why is she sitting like a meth addict? Meth, meth addict. Yeah, you know, like a meth It's a method. I said methodic. You went. You went. It's not cut. It's a method. Addic. Addic?

Addic is what you go when you put like old hats. Yeah, bats. Bats. That's why I was going to my attic. Check this out. You want to hear a fucking bad story? Oh, no, because I'm scared, but go ahead. Oh, please, I got a video coming up.

Oh my god. Check this out. Go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly for the video. See how I just did a story. I'm scared but go ahead. Oh please, I got a video coming up. Oh my god. Check this out. Go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly for the video. See I just did a story. I'm always We're killing it bang. What? Um, slow mo that end finger. You had a bat. I want you to shilts that. Um, All right, shilts this you guys ready. Here we go. Um, I, so me and Don rent Last year we rented these four, they do these tours on the backside of Aruba, all desert.

So all desert. Ruins, caves, natural pool, all this great shit. But it's kind of dangerous. It's really windy on that side of the island. It's just a whole fucking Pacific, I mean, Atlantic Ocean's coming across. And it's hitting that side. The other side will, all the hotels are

calm and shit beautiful, right? So we rented a four-wheeled, four-wheel ATV last year, four-seater, so that Max sits up front, don't sit some back, I drive, and we fly. We're going over, it's crazy, it's awesome. Little dangerous, there was one point, I was going down this hill and they were like she was like stop We key. Yeah, you're gonna kill us and I had to turn around and even Max was like dad. Please don't hurt us I had a ride I had a ride it was got like the cage and shit. Yeah. Yeah, nice. So we

What are you doing? Now you got to eat those you sick. What are you doing? What are you doing eat those, you sick foot. What are you doing? What are you doing? Now they're dosed. Why are you doing that? It's a work, go ahead. What, you don't wanna listen? I'm listening exactly. No, what'd you put in your ear?

You won't put your headphones on, but you put stuff in your eyes? What is that? Why are you doing this? They're hurting. You're like a fucking, a shit kid in the special car. Yeah, you're looking okay, dawg. You can't pay attention.

What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you saying? Okay, dawg. Shit kid in the special. Yeah, you're looking okay dog. You can't pay attention Okay dog yeah, it means if you've got hit by a truck He'd be okay with it Oh, okay, if you stay around fine, but you're not gonna get you you're not gonna get the surgery. Not buying the expensive food. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, if anything happens with you, you go. And we can do the surgery or we can put him to sleep. I tell him I said bye. That's called an okay dog.

I know you are. He just made it up to me. He's a fucking old asshole. Just let him have it. I'm asking, so I like it. No, you're ripping it apart with your age. What's it called? How'd you say it? What does it mean? Well, oh, I got it. That's a good one. Yeah, we left. We let him know that it was awesome. I complimented

him. Name of the podcast. Okay, dog. You're an okay dog. Okay. So what happened with the four wheeler? We have for Nana knocks off the end. I know. On the backside of the out of this caves. You didn't go into caves. Dude, check it out. There's one set of caves I really couldn't go into,

if you're not I'm saying. Small opening. No. Yeah, it's like most vaginas. Thank you, Mike. Thank you, Chris, kinda. You do your job. I didn't think you'd get it because you're a hipster dumb hat. There's one cave. You have to kind of walk up these stairs and you got to crouch down and it comes down and it opens up into this

big cave with a hole in the same with the sun. Literally comes through. Then you can go into these other caves, like crawling underneath and other rooms. So we go in these caves. We drive an hour and a half on the backside on the fucking fly and get there. We go in these caves and we'll crouch down. There's a couple other people in there. We'll go in the back, like these little ones into this other room.

It's fucking dark as shit. I use my cell phone light. All of a sudden, we'll go in the back like these little ones into this other room. It's fucking dark as shit. I used my cell phone light. All of a sudden we're in the main room where the hole in the ceiling starts raining outside. There's only island that rains like once a day. Comes, starts coming through like a shower. It's beautiful. We're sitting there like, wow, this is fucking so.

I can't believe we're here at this time. And you can see the rain hitting the sand and all of a sudden don't go this is a bat. And I was like, oh my god. That's why I pushed my wife and kid and run. We were like, oh my god, it's crazy. There was one little bat. And then just what we came from above us,

as we walked under there was all bats. And we didn't know they were in these little whole, they're all above you under in the whole time. So, so I was in the don't goes is another bat. There's nothing. She was there's nine bats. Well, like the, the rain is coming through and the noise is making the bats go fuck. So they stack up. So that is like, oh shit. I look at the door now from where we are in this open area to the door, you can see the light of the door, but from here to there, it's pitch dark, all bats above you.

We didn't know. So I look and it looks like just a flock of birds flying out the door. So all these things flying from here to like it's got to be 50 yards. So don't shit. And we're in this room and this they're coming out there. So don'ts like I'm like we get a go. And I was just like look I'm I had to say I go I'm the man of the family right now. I'm gonna I'm gonna lead us right. And you're talking just right to your side. I'm talking about that. Yeah. I go max. Yeah he's gonna swear but it's okay for now side. I'm talking about that. I go max daddy's gonna swear, but it's okay for now.

And I'm long going fuck motherfucker. Shit fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Cause as we go in there, there's fucking hundreds of these things. And we got to make it and max starts flipping. Donnie hates bats. Everybody does. I don't mind them, but I didn't like this many bats. And we're going through the fucking. And I'm just going fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck and we make it we finally make it to the end

And I'm like run run and but why didn't you wait to lay went out because dude they were coming out behind Oh, they were coming from they were coming in the up to directions that just more cave, right? You can see the other ways just dark cave and they were coming from there. They were coming from there More bats. It's not it was it was just time to go and don't hate bats. Mad, the scariest thing's on the planet. Body. When we had our house in Connecticut, I heard a noise in the ceiling and I called a guy and I had him come look and he goes, you got to come upstairs and look at this and he

lifted up the insulation and we had like a hundred bats in the fucking underneath the insulation. I looked down and I'm like, start packing. I go, we're fucking, I'm not staying here. Really? Yeah, they said they live underneath in the cold. It's like cool under there. And then at night they go out, eat the mosquitoes. My neighbor goes, yeah, I saw a bunch flying out

underneath like where the siding meets whatever. So this guy goes, I'll take care of it. It was like a thousand bucks. He had to put, like sealed up the gap and let one way out. So they got out and then he put a mirror thing where they couldn't figure out how to get back in. And I go, where do they go? And he goes, they just go on your neighbors out there.

And he went over and put a card in their door. And now their house was fucking infested with bats. I bet they had his pet bats. I bet they are. I bet every Christmas years ago, all the bats. They come home. Hey, bad. Every night they fly home.

I don't think I have insulation up in my adders. We had insulation in our, yeah. I don't think I have insulation up in my add. We had insulation in our yeah between I don't think I have any between my laughter. It was on the on the floor. You should put some Frazier gonna lose a lot of my big raise ranch and it had like wide open. We ran like a duct for central air But it was crazy. I'd never seen anything like you know in the hampshire Maybe in Hampshire you can't you can't do anything about it You have to put a bad house outside of your home on a tree and let them go.

You can't fuck with them. Like some places you can't kill them. Yeah, this guy had weird, we had skunks in the yard and he captured them and he said what he would do. He's what? He captured them. What, is that a, is that a Spanish? He captured?

What is that? I got stuck between caught and captured. It's the app shirt. Wait, I'm, I, I throw these fucking candies. They're kicking in. Hang on, wait. What kind of bat? What do you mean you like protected?

Batcher protected. Yeah, they ate mosquito. Yeah, you can. They're like actually good for in the wild. They're great. And you're attic or in a cave with your family in the movie. Two episodes. They're off the game.

You're going to get ready in the 70s. Your uncle would just go up there and with a flamethrower and burn them. Honestly. Yeah. Yeah. My dad just to throw like a steak dipped in drain. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Back of the day. Yeah. What's happened is people just kill shit. Yeah. We just kill it. And it's like, oh, we have like eight left. You just hit it with your shape. And the mosquitoes are fucking everywhere.

That's a great for bugs. Like spiders, spiders are great for insects. If you have spiders in your garden, it's good. I have them in the house. I see one of them. Spiders in the house, I'd kill them. Money, crazy. I don't kill any animal.

What? Any insect that can be outside. Why would I kill it? No audiences. I would take it outside. I don't know. He's out of control tonight. Why can't I, why don't I understand that? Why is's out of control tonight. Why can't I don't understand that?

Why is he out of control? I bring that on people sometimes, because they always want to go after the fucking the king. You know, they, princes, you know, if you're a prince, you always want to be a king or at least. What is nice? He called your prince.

That's very nice of you. Thank you, you're a princess. What am I? Huh? What am I then? You're the bishop? Fuck off. I'm not a bishop. You're a dumb hat. No, you're not a bish. You're a you're an emperor. You're an emperor. I'll take

emperor. That's above you because we're like in your dojo. We're in different places. I'm a king, but you're an emperor in your place. You're're in different places. I'm a king, but you're an emperor. And you're a place you're top notch in mind I'm top notch. All right, so I'm an emperor. I'll take care of myself because I look like Buddha.

No, he wasn't an emperor. He was a fucking god. God, I'll take God. You're not, no, you're an emperor. All right, but an emperor. You just said pretty cool. So yeah. He's a, what?

Pondstone. What? He's a commoner? Pondstone. What? He's a commoner. Just a pond, you don't have to. Pond's gone? Stones. Yeah. Why?

I just bought a fake stone to put over my, you fake keys? Over, no, what do you call it? We have a well. White said. What? You have a well. Yeah. You have a real well? Oh well. Like, no, you have like a well. You have a real well?

Oh well. Like, no, you have a like a well, like a, like with a thing and you get water out of it? A bucket? No, no, no, we don't have that kind of well. Is it full of snakes and shi- I know. No, we have a well, that's how we get our water in my house.

Right. Well, most people get their water from well. What? Oh, really? Oh, in the country, yeah. Where the fuck are you? You have to drill down. And actually, when you get like a house in the woods, like in a hamster, when you buy land, they have to

come in and drill a well. And you get charged on the, how deep it goes. You're not in the, you're that far out? No, we're in the same town, but I guess back in the day he's out there. Back in the day, you know, that's how most, you know, a lot of the farms out where I live back in a day. And that's probably how they got through a water. I'm so fucking sick of living in this city. I want to get out. Wait, can you guys, you live with your wife again? Nope.

No, she's still, no, we're, we're, we're, we're, we've been talking about it. I talked to you about it all the time. I think we're going to, uh, in about a year, I think, and move back together. We're going to live together're gonna, in about a year, I think, move back together. We're gonna live together in between. Oh, maybe around. You're not in Connecticut anymore.

No, I'm in Queens. No, but she's not in Connecticut. Yeah, she's up there. Where in Stanford? No, like New Havenish area, like up that way. It's all right. The other night, it took me an hour and 10 minutes, no traffic, hour and 20. And then three and a half hours other days, you know,

yeah, it's fucking crazy. A Connecticut is to worse. It's fucking terrible. Can I get a long island driving on either one of them, but just live in here, man. I mean, it's like I have a car here and it's like I'm just I'm fucked. I either I get $90 in tickets a week or I have to go sit out in my car from eight o'clock till 10 in the morning. It's disgusting.

It's awful. It means just like that. Yeah, it's brutal. You can't find like, isn'tclock till 10 in the morning. It's disgusting. It's awful. It means it's like that. Yeah, it's brutal. You can't find like every isn't our alternate night. Yeah, but it's not in either street. Why would you not let them try to say that? I felt bad. All the days.

What is it? It's either street parking. It's it's even better listen to you when you're sick. Say it again real quick right now. Go. Side of the street parking. No, it's a quick. No, say it all.

All the other side of street parking. Why? Why? Just other way down. You say quick. No, I'm gonna say it all. Hold on to side street parking. Why? Why? Just skip the unnecessary stuff. That's gonna be my fun story. Oh, no. No, that's my story.

To me, wide head. Only good stories. Okay. Call them wide head. Oh my god. It's not really big, but it's wide. He really does. He looks like a fucking undiscovered animal.

Oh. It's wise you didn't see him in the cave. Like you'd have to wonder if he's poisonous. Richard is just undiscovered. Oh. He's not discovered. He said, Richard's just undiscovered. Oh.

That was pretty good. That's not bad. That's really good. That was good. He won't go after him. He won't, Chris likes it, though. Who is that? Little not bad. That's really good. I was, and he won't go after him. He won't, Chris likes it too. Who is that? Little Benito.

What's up, man? How are you? What'd you call him? Benito, what? Deltorio. No. Not a squirrel. Nope.

What is it? Benicio Deltoro. That's what I said. What does that, I'm not even close. I said Benito. You never, Benito. You call them Benito's, that's the word. That's the word.

Who are you talking about? I thought Benito was correct also. He's the out there. I know a guy who are you talking about? I thought Benito is correct also. He's a Benito. What are you talking about? The act on I hate you. I thought about it. I didn't lose on my blog. Why is your hair look sick?

I know I didn't do it. I got to put my hat on. Oh, please. You got the flu shot though. You said right? What do you got? Nothing. Just a sort of a little bit of a wall.

Just a cough. Yeah hope it's a walk. Oh, just a cough. Yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna live together somewhere in between. That's good. Well, if you, people don't understand that where I live, Westchester, you don't have kids, right? You're not gonna have kids?

No. You guys can move to New Vershow. You can move to all those little towns up there for cheap or shit, no taxes, because you don't have to worry about the school district. Right. Okay, so you can get to all those little towns up there for cheap or shit, no taxes, because you don't have to wear about the school district. Okay, so you can get a sick house, a fucking sick house for what do you pay him rent,

1500? In Queens like 16, but dude, you could get a fucking mortgage. My mortgage is almost 2000. I know, for a hundred more for a yard and a while. You literally making my point without me letting me make it Cuz you're getting a little greedy today Might be right, you know, it is pretty hot those it is pretty nice not living with your with your wife though. Why it is

Chrissy oh, oh, oh what my finger got caught. Oh makes me so Make me so happy. Oh, Nana. Oh, that makes me so happy. I'm gonna get Nana some ice. Uh, pinch your little hands. Oh my, look at your little, your little, your hands. Your little golfing hands. Zach just took a dump.

I bet he takes a fucking gross dump. Yeah. His dump has a beard on it. So does it bond his. I get it. I get it. I get it. You guys have baby wipes in there? No.

Oh, I travel with them. Yeah, but you can't flush them. Yeah, you can. I see you can. I see you flush the flush baby wipes. What are you talking about? The can do's with the frog on it. You can flush them.

Oh, really? I have to carry them around. Anyways, back to you. It's great living with you. Living up there. Yeah. Dude, you're in the city in fucking 30 minutes. I know.

I know. Train for two seconds. Grand Central, you could go home any night. You could Uber home if you had to in a jam. Is Portchester a dump? Yep. Yeah. But I'll tell you what, it's got great restaurants, it's on its way up.

You guys don't have kids, so it doesn't matter, so for you, it's not. Downtown Portchester, they have one of the best taco places I've ever been to. There's another restaurant over there. It's like coming up. It's really cool. And you could get a nice little house over there on the water near the wall.

Fuck, dude, I like to live a little more inward because I like having options. I like having the Sawmill in 87. You guys could get an apartment in fucking Terry town or apartment of cognolk. Irving tin. Here's the mayor of Portchester right here. Oh, Richie, Philanca. But yeah, you, um, let's say the place, a dog's ferry, uh, right in the downtown, you get an apartment.

Yeah. Downtown. I would like a yard if I'm going to live out. If I'm going to be out there, get a apartment, get a house. I bet there's nice yard couple dogs, live out. If I'm gonna be out there. Yeah, well, you get a apartment, get a house. I'd get a fence. There's nice yard, couple dogs, nice party yonkers. There's a shitty party yonkers, but there's also a really nice part

that you get a cheap house in. Well, there's the school district, Gabbash, so it doesn't matter to you. Yeah, I got to stay close to Connecticut so she can get to work him back. You know, because she's got the reverse. I mean, but you put the skill, poor Chester, or even like,

yeah, that West Chester area, even there. Yeah, our monk. Yeah, it's not bad. Yeah, yeah. And because Connecticut, the southern part of Connecticut's untouchably expensive. Untouchably. Untouchably expensive.

Here's where the sound is Connecticut as I could there. One of the greatest days of my life when a lot of anxiety left my life is when I pulled into my driveway. And I got out of my car with the windows down and the keys inside and it went in my house. Where? Look at the situation. Hey the keys inside and it went my house. We're gonna smash you. You don't have to.

Yeah, yeah, this place is staying. I hate paying fucking rent. Like I'll never, like you lease, I would never lease a car. I won't, I won't pay rent. We just bought my wife's car. Are you blooded? Yes, today. Good.

Uh, it's just, it's just throwing money out to fucking window. I know. It really is. It's a tax right off. That's the one for my company Yeah, my car is a tax right off all the miles are right off the gas is a right off. The body's right off their nose Yeah, no entertainer In but if you own it, it's it's a one-time right off. No, I write off every year mileage and gas Yeah, but you can't write off the payment So everything so every I get a tax right off on that payment and gas. Yeah, but you can't write off the payment. So everything.

So every, I get a tax write off on that payment and the gas and all that shit every month. So I can get by a new car. I get to write it off, but you're not, you're not hearing me. You're just trying to debate me. I want to win something. I don't want to win. Bonnie says I always have to win.

I don't have to win. I want to give you, you're actually doing a good job. Got your dog. That's what you're doing. Eight weeks ago, you would have been still trying to win, but you thought yourself. And Mike, she was going on with the impeachment. Oh, I can't. Who gives a shit? I don't care.

I think it's it's all garbage. It's all fun. The if you watch the impeachment, it's because you let it's like watching Delia's catch up on stars. Same shit. It's because you like, it's like watching Delia's catch up on stars, same shit. It's the same shit. They leave you at the commercial up next. It's all garbage. It's all fake.

It's all horse shit. If you watch any of this garbage and it's gonna get Trump reelected. That's what it's gonna do. It's gonna get, so if you're trying, if you're watching this shit and buying into it, just say hello to him for next four fucking years. It's going to get so if you're trying, if you're watching this shit and buying into it, say hello to him for next four fucking years.

Why do you think it'll get a reelected? Because people are getting sick of it. People are getting sick of the news. Let me finish. I don't like an apoptix. I'm apoptix guy here in mine. And I don't like talking to it, but people are getting sick of it. And people are going to be like, you know what? Fuck you.

Like someone said to me, I don't like Trump. I just hate them. Yeah, but you know what? fuck you. Like someone said to me, I don't like Trump, I just hate them. Yeah, but you know what? So that's what people say. I don't like him, but I hate them. Because they're fucking these people that manipulating me and they think I'm stupid, they think I'm gonna have common sense.

They think that I can, I'm buying into the shit and all as I see is propaganda, bullshit, fake news. All the shit that Trump's saying, but he didn't feel like, oh my God, that is right. I don't like this fucking lunatic, but you're a fucking piece of shit too. I like that Telsi Galber. I like her.

I think she's pretty upfront, but they're trying to bury her every fucking second they get into the problem. She's a goddamn veteran of she went to war to a, and you fucking, they discreditor and disrespect their, you're a fucking piece of shit. They're also people also saying that, I mean, either way, who's ever in office, but they're saying about Trump too, like he's a liar. Of course he is.

But that's what he's using. He's saying, yeah, he's a fucking, he's a reality TV star doing the biggest reality TV ever. He knows exactly what he's doing. He's playing into all this bullshit because he's going to win because he's a fucking Democrat that turned Republican because that's how he can win. And these fucking idiots are buying into us. We're going to be crazy too. Shout the fuck up and just put somebody in there that we can vote for. Well, that's the problem. It's not going to you, but who is that?

They're gonna have to, do they have to go celebrity at this point, right? No, they don't. They need to put somebody out of these. They're all like fucking anemic. Like they can't fight his fight. You know what I mean? Stop it.

They're gonna have get writers they can. Huh? They get writers. Yeah, true. That's all they got to do. It's just hard to like, that I like, I like listen to that fucking Mayor Pete guy. I sure they're all awesome,

but it's just they don't, I don't see them going that fast. They're all fucking morons. I don't want to block a, they're all politicians, man. Yes. I like the guy, I like, I like Verman Supreme.

You know who he is? The guy from New Hampshire with the boot on his head. You seen that guy? The guy, look, right, look up Verman Supreme. He wears a, a, a, a rain boot on his head. You seen that guy? The guy, look, right, look up Vermin's Supreme. He wears a, a, a rain boot on his head. And he says, if he gets elected, everyone will get a pony. There he is. He's got the, he's got a, a boot on his head. Yeah, I vote for him every year. That's how much I give a fuck about politics. They're all, I mean, they're all crib. It's all big.

It's, it's just business. And what big money, it's money cram. It's all big. It's just business. And what it's big money, dude. It is what you think you're going to do to keep your rest in reality. That's why people like, well, Hillary Clinton is like, she's the same shit, dude. Big business, big money. They all make money. Okay, so what about Bernie?

What about Bernie Sanders? Yeah, I know. What about Bernie's big business? He's going to grab his chest and who we're going to be left with. I know. So if he gets, you know, know, and they fucked him last year. I think Bernie was onto something last year,

oh, not last year, the last time, three years ago. I think he was onto something because he was getting money from people. Right. All the money came, not from government, not from big company, not from the people which spoke to me. Yeah.

spoke to a lot of people. And he wanted healthcare, spoke to me. He wanted, I mean, there was things that I was like, that's a little social, it was a little weird. I don't know if I want government controlling, but whatever, he was actually looking good. And what did they do? What did they see in NDO?

What did MSNBC do? They say life's a bit of a difference. They say life's a bit of a difference. Yeah, I know. And they didn't let him be involved in any of this. And they fucked him and they took away everything and they took away his votes and they didn't give him a shot. He could have fucking done it, I think, and he would have beat Trump.

I think more so than Hillary. I think so too. So I don't think he would have, I don't think he had the dirt in his closet that, you know, Trump needs something to, you know, crooked Hillary, sleepy Joe, fucking this one. That one, he just names everybody, you know what I mean? It's a roast when you're debating him. You're just going into a roast. Right, right.

Who gives a shit? I know. It's like, yeah, he's gonna fucking win again. I'm gonna die. I've been saying, I got a big fight with Joe about this a year ago. Remember that? I was like, dude, Joe who list? Yeah.

Why, he's a big Democrat, Lizard Warren and so on. I was like, dude, all these people are doing all this phony shit and contradicting them and being hypocrites and we're watching it and most of us aren't stupid and we're not politicians, we're not Harvard grads, we're not on the coasts with fucking, these people are millionaires who don't give a fuck about anybody, telling us what to do and what's right.

You have the same with the same, which I, he doesn't give a fuck about it telling us what to do and what's right? You're the same with the same which way he doesn't give a fuck about it. They're falling for his first ball. See, this is the bullshit that people fall into. Yeah, but I'm not saying, I'm not saying either or. They're both sides of fucking stupid. Why did you go to the hospital? This is how old you are. That's my holiday, my holiday in your Ruben bracelet.

I forgot the day. Oh, the concern in your voice was beautiful though. I know I was worried. Why did you go to the hospital, buddy? I just think you were. I just think you should just fuck it. I don't fuck it stupidness. But I'll tell you one thing, please, he is, if he gets impeached,

he's not getting impeached. I mean, not happening. If they, even, even, but if, no, look, you have to understand, Clint, it's not happening, not happen. But no, look, you have to understand. Clinton is not happening. No, I know he's not getting kicked out of the world. Don't say if he gets anything, it's all bullshit. No, I know. It's all a scam to make people not like him to think he's a criminal, which he is or

he isn't. I don't give a fuck. Whatever you say, but it's all horseshit to misdirect and to fucking put propaganda against him. And he does the saying it's stupid. They should just lay off of it. Go get people that are doing shit for us. Gonna get fucking healthcare. Go get the things that we need.

Free colleges or something. Figure it out and get us the fuck out of where the fuck we are. And worry about us. I think it's during his healthcare. Yeah, me too. 20,000 a year. I think.'s during this healthcare. Yeah, me too. 20,000 a year. 18,000 dollars a month, I have mine's 2000 now.

Okay. A month. That's because you're old. No, it's because we're, yeah, that's one of the reasons. It's only gonna get more expensive. It's because, no, it's going up to 2,000 this year from 1800.

2000, a month. That's, do you know, that's 24,000. Some people don't make in a year without that. That's a mortgage. Yeah, that's a fucking mortgage. My mortgage make in a year? That's a mortgage. It's a fucking mortgage. My mortgage is 2,100. It's a mortgage. My health care is a mortgage.

Let's stupid. And you have to have it. You have to. Especially if you have a kid, especially if you're older, there's no possible way you can go without health insurance. I think that if you're supposed to make fucking $2,000 a month to just in case. Well, not only that, you got to make $4,000, like, no, you got to make $3,300 to make $2,000.

Here's the deal. You see what I mean, right? After taxes. Okay, but here's the deal. If you're in your mid 40s to 60s, you have to pay $2,000 a month just in case. If you're in your 60s and up, I get it. There's a lot of things go wrong, blah, blah.

But from that time, that 15 years or 20 years or whatever the fuck it is, it's just in case you've hurt, break your liable, you kid, it's a lot of fucking cash. It's too much. It's too much. And that doesn't even count the fucking, the deductibles count the fucking uh, the

deductibles and the fucking. It's just so much of the insurance companies and the pharmaceutical companies, they're just running this fucking country and like, too powerful. And like both you ding dongs have kids. Do you think about college? Are you like putting away like thousands of college? So can we address him? Konga's ding-dongs? We're actually making a better world. This fucking asshole didn't add anything to this planet. I know. I'm not leaving dreams of making it, which aren't gonna happen.

I know, I know. I know about it. I know about it. And he has a fucking parking ticket. You're on a shoot by cost. I'm not on yours. Okay. So here's the deal.

And it's on my network, by the way. So listen, here's the deal. I met my being parents. Listen, coxucker, being a parent is the, you want to know, no, I'm sorry, being a parent is probably the only thing you can do to change the world in my, because yes, because my kid, if I raise him correctly, give him the right knowledge, fuck college, I'm not gonna force my kid to do some scam. My kid's already a kid, he is without going. If you wanna go to college, I'll help you. I think it's a scam too, I agree.

If you don't wanna find, do whatever you want. But having a kid and raising the correctly is how you change the fucking world. Right. Or breaking the chain of dysfunction in your family. What's that? Or breaking the chain of dysfunction in your family. Which changes the world. Right. Or a great. You can't have just function in your family. What's that? Or break the chain of just function. Which changes the world. Yes. Yeah. Where is a fucking nut?

Yeah. You know, you don't, but that's, that's a very small percentage of people. I'm not. I'm not. I look, I've thought about having a kid a million time. I would, I would, I would, you should, you should. But I don't think I can tell you what I wouldn't be able to leave that. Start headlining. Maybe think about, ah, well, let me know in their space. There's never going to be any. No, we're all done in this.

I thought about being a dad of million times, but I'm just saying like, how old are you? I'll it's 240. College tuition is like, ah, fucking six, three in the year. Do you know what I'm saying is? Are you guys like putting money on the money aside? Two daughters of my one to college. I paid a third.

My ex wife, paid a third and my kid paid a third Oh, and they both went my my kid went to East Carolina ECU East Carolina University My ex-wife lived in North Carolina. So she got in state tuition You know Michael you don't have a kid and worry about it. I was worried about college tuition Yeah, you have a kid because you want to be a parent. And you want to have a family. You don't have a kid and worry about it. You don't have a kid and worry about a house or a car.

Or it doesn't matter. There's plenty of people that live in terrible places. And don't have a car that raised beautiful, oh my God, children, that add a shitload to the planet. Oh, yeah, totally. Oh, that doesn't matter. I mean, I wasn't supposed to be here. My parents had me and I'm glad I'm here. They were 18. Right. I find out that my my mom hid her pregnancy with me until she was like eight months pregnant. She was in hairdressing school and would wear like my dad's

huge t-shirts. So my parents wouldn't say, I was, I'm glad I'm here. Well, my parents on your podcast on your network. Well, I like passive aggression. My parents won on my wife's favorite tactics. I like that. That was where he's thinking. My parents would love to be a parent. On their honeymoon, my parents, on their honeymoon went over a cliff down the hill and their car headed to a lake hit a tree and they both went through the windshield on the hood and they should have been dead. Oh, my parents and our honeymoon. Are you kidding me? No, they went over. Will you in her stomach at the time? No, no, no, because I was no, my sister was older than me. But I know honey. Your parents did a fucking misery? Right off a cliff.

Well down the hill, one bankman. How did that happen? They probably lost control of the car. She blowered them? What was happening? No, I'm not. Honeymoon, now my mom gave bad head. So she probably would know that.

That's what I heard. From who? He was in the military. The neighbors. No. Come here. No, they went through the fucking windshield who? He was in the military. Good neighbors. No. Come here. No, they went through the fucking windshield, both on lane on the hood.

He was at the hardware store. Hey, come here for a sec. You know your mom. Well, toothy boss. Oh, toothy. That's what my dad told me. Too much teeth. No, so you know, it's weird.

Like my first wife, she got pregnant, had a miscarriage, and then my other daughter was born, and then my other daughter after that. So I had my two daughters, if like the way life works, I wouldn't have had these kids I have now. Right. Who knows? But his kids are great kids that are adding to, you know what I'm saying?

I'm not saying if you don't have a kid, dude. I don't tell people like couples that don't have kids as long as you shouldn't even get married if you're not having a kid. I would adopt a kid, I think. For if you can return it. Yeah, totally. Yeah, I don't think people,

couples who don't have kids, I'm like cool, I'm cool with that. I used to know when people like fuck kids, because it's like kids, it's the best, one of the best things that's happening. I like to hear people go up. And I've done some good drugs, you know what I mean? And I've partied, I've done a lot of fucked up shit,

but this part of my life has been some of the most connected, fucking greatest times I've ever had, this part of my life has been some of the most connected, fucking greatest times I've ever had, because when you have a kid and you make that choice, you can't help but be connected to family. And it's, but when it's yours, there's something, there's something that happens that fucks you up and makes you feel like real happiness is

Like a like excitement. I never got that I'm gonna go fuck my wife. Yeah, wow What do you call? I hate when people go I'm not bringing a kid into this This planet or this earth, you know I'm not bringing a kid into this planet or this earth, you know. Snagging and bullshit. Don't simply need earth in the planet. No, they said, well, it's gonna be gone.

It's like, well, what if your kid was the one that was gonna solve it? I doubt it. What if your kid was the fucking next Elon Musk that was gonna solve pollution and ozone? And what if that, and you fucked us all, you cock sucker, just come in there and leave it. Let the world decide. Fuck this whole, I'msucker. Just come in there and leave it. Let the world decide. Fuck assholes. I'm not gonna bring a kid shit. Yeah, yeah, I hate that one. This is our last YKDBD of the year.

So, do you want to address that at all? Or... I guess you want me to. Yeah, we should. You really fucking put the brakes on the whole kid then. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you're never gonna have kids because your dog's gonna die.

We're all gone. That's kind of rough What no, what no, we raised three grand for his dog when we go get him what's that? My dogs doing great members dog. Yeah, yeah, we saved it. Yeah, I know it's got a two-month snack It's gonna take him out probably this year, but we saved him for a year. How old's the dog? We found him when he was a little older, but he's doing good. Oh, he's doing good.

We saved the dog. That probably has like five years left. Five years. Yeah, we saved him. He's gonna die last year. That's amazing. This podcast that I'm on on your network. Yes.

So, let's save his career. Come on. Yeah. You have a lot more than a couple thousand dollars to do that. If you have a club, this is my love card. If you have a club less than 30 seats, and Rich isn't already doing a weekend. Yes. But I get to door.

It's a good point. 30 times 30 is a lot of money. Come on, he had. How much is that? It's $900. It's $900. It's pretty good for I'm not even at. Yeah. How much is that? It's $900. It's pretty good for a $1.90.

That. $1000. I don't leave less than a thousand. Well, yeah, I'm at the Philly punchline. Sometimes 20. Anyways. Yeah, it is the end of the year, 2020. No, 2019.

2020 now. No, the end of the year is 2019. We're going into 2020. This will come out in 2019 still. Yeah, so you don't say the end of the year 2020, you're fucking stupid. You're stupid. You can't say it now.

If I said it in June, you'd have a point down. No, you fucking. I'm saying it's 2020. It's going, it's going to be 2020. It's going to be 2020. It's going, it's going, it's going to be 2020. It's going to be 2020. I'm saying it's going to be 2020. I'm saying it's going to be 2020. I'm saying it's going to be 2020.

I'm saying it's going to be 2020. I'm saying it's 2020. I'm saying it's 2020. I'm saying it's 2020. I'm saying it's 2020. I'm saying it's 2020. I'm saying it's 2020. I'm saying it's 2020.

I'm saying it's 2020. I'm saying it's 2020. I'm saying it's 2020. I'm saying it's 2020. I'm saying it's 2020. I'm saying it's 2020. I'm saying it's 2020. I'm saying it's 2020. I'm saying it's 2020. I'm saying it's 2020. What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? back at you. 2019 was a good year. Yeah. Good year. Thanks. That's all you got. Well, no, I see an X scene next year on the YKWD. People's kids, man. Fuck off. It was a good year. We did, I mean, business wise, we had a very successful tour club Yes. Club wise. Personally, I bought a house, put out another CD. Now, why did you put this CD out?

I saw him burger. So when I saw Hamilton, yeah, hamburger. Why did you? Why is it all about the day you saw Hamilton? No, I never saw it. But is it about now? I don't have to listen to you what you'll tell you what to fuck. I just don't get it. I'll tell you why you'd get it. If you heard the out, I was

filled. I was recording. I was recording at the brokerage. Yeah. So I know I'm going to record an album. Yeah. And I'm on stage and some kid in the audience is filming me on his phone. I go turn off your phone. I don't, you can't film me. Right. You know, it's just, and I say the voucher throw him out, but then I let him slide. You know, I made a joke out of, don't film.

Then I go, you know what kind of thing I'm going to think of it. I remember when I went to see Hamilton, I brought a three-camera crew in and they got mad because I was filming them. I go, but on I allowed a crewman and they got mad because I was filming them. I go, but aren't I allowed to film? And then throughout the CD, I go, oh yeah, when I saw Hamilton, I kept bringing that tag back in bits. And it worked on stage.

I put the tag back. So then I go, well, since I brought the tag in like three times, I'll call it when I saw Hamilton. That's still there's no joke about you seeing Hamilton. No, not at all. I never saw it. I don't know that kind of money. Mm hmm. I saw, I saw Beetlejuice, but I didn't bring that up

because I didn't see Beetlejuice though. I saw Beetlejuice. He recently was great. It was really good. The lead, the guy in it is amazing. I love him. He's amazing. You know, this guy, and the lead of Beetlejuice

was the lead of a schoolhouse rocker, one of the other one. And he has like, stuff like you're a theater buff. Okay, let's go. Yeah, your legs got a little bit of a little bit of a little of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit Yeah, school Iraq and a guy you go to Instagram and you're like 500 followers. He's a fucking amazing lead on Broadway Yeah, and shows law Broadway doesn't pay a lot of money It doesn't the leaps I'm sure he's making a good living what you say the lead is probably making leaps

I didn't say I heard a peer of being there. I think it's a leaps I just say leaps Apparently, this is the funnest part about having you on my leads. Funnest part about having you do my podcast is that the people get to hit the 15 second button and go back and go, yep, he said leaps. No, it's almost the way I called the boss game. I'll make a side bet with you. Good.

I didn't say it. I said, leaps. How about this is a side bet? Oh, you make me yawn. How much is my own podcast on my own network? Your own network. Let me say it. My network podcast tomorrow. You do so much. We're going to do one last week. We're going to do it tomorrow. This new year, I'm giving out this awesome hoodie. It's a YKWD hoodie.'re gonna give to the fan who emails. Which one do you want to get?

RK Patreon? Yeah. RK Patreon at gmail.com. But what do we do? What do we decide to do? You didn't have a plan. You just are going to get one away. Maybe you could have just fucking improv one.

Yeah. Fucking fat cow. Well, this was the plan for you to make fun of me. Oh, that was good. I like that. You thought on your little tiny chubby feet. I can say that because I'm chubby. You're not chubby.

Soon you won't be though, because of your 30-day potato diet. Can you not degrade it with your passive aggressive? I know. Can you not? I'm not. What do you look? You're not at all passive aggressive. You called it a 30-day potato diet.

How do you eat something you look like? God damn it. I knew he had a good one cuz he went how do you any held it? I don't look like a potato dude. YKWD hoodie. I have one of these. They're fucking awesome. It's an Excel. So if you're Excel, if you double X, sorry to say, we're going to give that hoodie away. That's cool.

I even see the envelope without an interest on it. Yeah, we're going to wait until we get an address. So here's a deal. Tell us why you love the YKWD podcast, how long have you been a fan? And we're gonna randomly pick anybody from that list. We're gonna put the thing in a hat, names, and we're gonna pick it out,

and we're gonna send you this ready because you guys are the best fans in the fucking world. How long has, how long has it been now? Is it 10 years? Nine years? Maybe eight. I don't know. It's got to be long because we've been doing

on it for six years, at least seven years. Yeah, I mean, we used to be over here, just that little corner of the room. I used to have to cut it off. I think right here. Why was here in here? All this was other stuff, known stuff. So I put all of the, he said, you can have this front room. And I put a blanket up.

Right. I actually curtains up right here. It's actually the same current you bring the clubs. I don't get it to curtain off the second row. Get it. This is why it bugs me too. Is it Gavin? Did you get it? No, you did.. Yes. She fully got it because she's hip Hipsters get my you. She's not a hip. She's a dip. She's not a dip. I'm just trying rhyme things with him Hey, I got the Chinese I'd call her what I What you said? Oh, yeah downstairs you go. Come. He's the seller has a record label. Who's on the record label?

They don't. Well, well, Riot cast has a record label right now. We actually, we just did a Mike Fini's album. Very funny. We're doing another,

we just signed Sarah Tullamash to do an album with Riot cast, right? And so, yeah, with the laugh button. Yeah, but you said the seller has a label. Well, they have a label too. They're doing their due in albums too. When did the seller?

Since when? She did Gary Vita Vita Las Vegas from Las Vegas because they have the equipment to do it so they're recording stuff. So they just started it? No, it's been around for a while. Who's been around there? Liz is the main person.

Oh yeah? Getting it together. Good. So that's why they put the equipment to be able to record in the pussycat, village underground, or Las Vegas, so that you can make an album. But it's how can you make an album Las Vegas when you're only doing 20 fucking minutes?

Because you can do 20 minutes and then another different 20 minutes, that's 40. And then minutes and then another different 20 minutes that's 40. And then you can do a different 20 minutes and that's. It's so, it takes. Put it together. That's 60 rich. Bingo. I know.

So three sets and you're done. I know. And then you can do another three sets and redo it. So you're there all week. So you can actually, it's easier to do an album in Vegas because you're only doing 20 minutes. Which easier to do now when you're doing a straight hour. You can, but most people don't do a straight hour rocking.

Yeah. Sometimes it's better, but yeah, I heard Vita's album came out great. What's his name? Gary Vita. Oh yeah, yeah, I know that guy. Yeah. But anyways, we got a couple albums coming up. Chuck, Chuck, nice.

I think we're going to do one more. Chuck Nice. Yeah. I love Chuck. Is he a good guy. Yeah, he's great guy. Very Very good. I haven't seen him in a while. He does the show at Neil deGrasse Tyson doing great. Yeah. Yeah, well, he does a lot of He does stuff that we can't do because he's nice He's a good guy. He's a great guy. I was in a room with him. He's fantastic. I'm a lot Last time I was in a rubos with Chuck.

So I was last week's a rubos. The shit though. I don't know. Damn it. Who are you there with? Room was right on the little. My balcony was right on the beach and right near the pool. Nice. What?

What? What? When tonight? Yes. Why wouldn't you say it the mic you fucking shout ahead? Stop being a sled dog We have another Joker cruise coming up in February. Yeah, I know fun when you guys were on it It was fun. It was a good time you last year you the year before yeah, we got ourselves through it

I don't think I got well overuse me again. What's this name Jeff? Jeff Johnson. Yeah, oh, he just canceled the bra Planet uh What's the one in what planet what I'm not repeating it. I got a laugh. I'm on the one in Atlantic City I don't know planet how he meddles club ebooks landed Hollywood. Yeah, cuz we're doing the regatta The tour and that comes first. It's gonna be fun. Tour always comes first, right?

Well, I mean, it's just math. Right. No, it's, it's, no, you gotta look at the big picture. It's not always math. Yeah, no, it's math. You'd make more money doing the tour than you would doing that one day. If you took that one day and you would get replaced, then we just keep that person. That's why I won't let that's why it wants more money.

It's math. Yeah, but it's math. You can't replace me. No, we could replace me if we had to. No, you can replace anybody. Yeah, I know, but it's not the same. Oh, it's the same. Disappearance weren't the same without Diana Ross.

You're not Diana Ross. Oh, I sometimes I feel like you're not. Oh, you're not. You're not. You're one of the p, I sometimes I feel like you're not. You're not. You're not. You're not one of the pips. He wasn't with the pips you knew. Well, out of the fuck you were, you're not Diana Ross. The fact that you think that you're fucking Diana Ross is nuts.

You're not Diana Ross, the group. No, you're not. I am. You're not. Stop acting like a black woman. You're not. Stop shaking your hips. You'll crush your arms and we're right now.

This cock suck is ego is nuts. I love it. I know what you call it. I know what you call it. You have a CD called Legend. No, I don't. Well, you call yourself a legend. No, people do.

No, they call you a legend because you tell them that. You say, oh, I don't, anyway, go on the road. They say it. You have a shirt that says legend, the legend. I sold them all. I don't have anymore I got to get some more good. Thanks for reminding me. Oh my god I know one thing talking about boss. It could be about your dad like if my father died. I have one Back to him. Yeah, of course. He always it all some at some point

You'll be talking giving him a pep talk or talking about him. And some people like to do this club kind of, you know, I mean, they're all weak and they did this. You know what? They did that to me too. And there's another club. I don't know why they don't use me. I've done well.

And it's like, I can tell you that won't use me. They just date. I who the fuck know you know, I'm not going to do bad on stage. You know that you've seen me. No, don't well. You know, I'm who the fuck know you know I'm not gonna do bad on stage. You know that you've seen me. Well, no, don't well. You know I'm gonna kill everywhere. You go. Well, you're gonna do good. I'm gonna kill. You're no kid dog. Look, I kill. I kill you do great. I what? I slaughter. I murder you do great. I slaughtered to me. You can't follow me. What I did when we did the fucking

Okay, dude when we did the underground when we did the underground close to close. Yeah, it was good at the end You finally got it, but I'm right on the beginning. I walked up sat down boom boom boom boom. We were the crowd me No, we were the crowd me Liz. No, no, no, listen. In Vegas for a week I had a close. Yeah, every night, what the fuck? I know, I got a fucking hem-key-thin' verzy. Him-key-thromicin' verzy, and I'm close. If you're a legend, you're a fucking legend.

Yeah, it's a nice respect. But I did it. I did it. I did it. You could do it. You could follow anybody. He's the perfect comment. Of course he can.

A good comment. Thank you. A good do it. You could follow anybody. He's a good comment. Of course, a good, a good comment. You're right. A good comment should be able to follow. Have one of my candies. Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you. You're welcome. Don't you? The prince is happy. A good comment like you could like if you go to one of those open mics you go to, you're not scared of follow like Gabby. Are you? No. You're not scared of follow him with your with your killer of crowd work. Are you? No, okay. I mean, when she's doing crowd work, you're yelling killer. I mean, as you question,

was we gonna wrap up? I want to know what what are you gonna do this year? What is your thing? What's this year? What are your plans? What is your what we're gonna sell Well, we're going to sell two shows, my wife and I, my wife, and then I'm producer on one and one producer co-creator. We will sell two shows this year. I'm going to hopefully do as much as I can to help this tour go to an actual level, whatever it takes to bring it to the next level. And I'm going to want to hold the opportunity. What's that? We we have the opportunity and I'm gonna try to you know See what hopefully we get to the next level then just keep writing and and work on my next CD

Hopefully my special gets sold this year then I shot and you know, I listen I just keep creating and doing what I do and you know, that's all I could do is create and be funny You know, I'm not gonna noise It's nothing. I'm sorry. So is that I mean My plan in the business my plan in life is You know to work get my house in shape have a nice barbecue this summer with all comics come by You know have a nice you don't with all comics come by, you know, have a nice June second. No, that's my barbecue.

Yeah, I know. I can step on my would never step on your now that you get a backyard. Don't fuck with me. No, I'm not going to fuck with you. I would never do that. I'm not that kind of person. I'll have it soon first. Don't do.

Mike, what do you hope for this year besides your own network? I'm my own podcast. I'm on my own network. But what do you say? What I hope for? You said what are you? What are you going to do? What are you hope for this year besides your own network? In my own podcast, I'm in my own network. But what do you say what I hope for? You said what are you gonna do? What are you? You're gonna say what I hope for.

I hope you know what I mean? I'm not where you are, Rich. Oh, that's true. What's your hopes? Well, I think I'm gonna have a kid. I think I'm gonna have a child after talking about it. Which ones I think I'm gonna. You'd be a good dad.

I would be a great. You know why you'd be a good dad? Why? Because you wear your heart on your sleeve. I do. I don't know if you have a big heart, right? He's a nice guy. He's a nice guy, but you can give all that love

that you're looking for in other people and other things. You can give it to that kid. And you'll get it back. And because I'm the same way where my heart on my sleeve I expect these Not on the diet this flower I don't get that hard on the sleeve. What does that mean you are the hard man sleeve? Can I finish my fucking thing? You know, tell me what that means like this is why he's a fucking narcissistic

fucking thing. You know, tell me what that means. Like this is why he's a fucking narcissistic. I may ask him for you to give me a hug. I'm not done with my pep talk. Oh, go ahead. It was good. I was enjoying it. It was a good one, right? Yeah, he fucking pissed off. I have a kid. He's making a joke to you. I know I know that. I'm not a moron. He's playing you. He's not playing me, but I'm actually I'm reverting it into being serious saying, you know what? I think it'd be a great dad because of the similarities between us. He wears his liver on his pants. You're making another joke about food on- No, it's liver. We got it.

I don't get to heart on the sleigh thing. I wish your heart was on the floor right now. I hope you grab your heart tonight and fucking in your basement and nobody hears you What I hope happen I hope that shit's in your head. No, you don't Thanks for ruining it rich what our moment. I fuck your moment What does that mean now now tell me where in your heart? New sleep. Well, you know you sleep that means that you're don't care Where in your heart? You sleep.

That means that you're I don't Put air. No, what is You think I'm you think I'm Fallen victim again. I don't really know what it Means I'm gonna look it up.

It means Don't do it. I'm for real. I don't I hear people say all the time. What the Are those cough drops? Yeah.

Thanks for offering me when you fucking asshole. Hard enough to hear you. That's how you get stuff in your life just screaming people and call massholes. I got it, don't I? Yeah, I know by threatening the fucking poor kid. You didn't even want to touch the candy, that's why. Do you have any cough drops?

What does that mean? It's easier to dose a cough drop. No, but he's too dumb to do that. Not dumb, you're smart guy, I'm sorry. Shut up. Hard on your sleeve, what do that mean? He's easier to dose a cough drop. No, but he's too dumb to do that. Not dumb, you're smart guy, I'm sorry. Shut up. Hard on your sleeve, what do you mean? We're back. It means when your emotions are out in the open.

Okay. So wearing your heart on your sleeve, your heart is how you feel about people and you care and stuff like that. And you actually get hurt a lot. Because in this business, most people are fucking have no empathy and they have a very fake connection to you emotionally.

I get it. You know what I mean? So you'll become friends with this guy, and friends with that guy, and friends, trying to make this connection with the people you'll never get, because they just won't do it. But when you have a kid, that's your family. Your wife, your kid, the connection is real.

It's yours. And you can, you, the love you get is awesome and real. But you know, you try to get that in this business because we're looking for Saragit dads, Saragit families. We're always on the road. That club is our family for the weekend. And I'm sorry. Saraget, not Saraget.

Saraget, both of you. Saraget, Saraget, Saraget. What did I say, Saraget? Saraget, Saraget. Sorry. It's not like a count outside a Boston when you said it. Saraget, Saraget, drive through Saraget. How funny is it that he corrected me wrong?

I know. It's terrible. We're just two stupid. We were just testing to see if you'd be a good dad because you know how to correct your kids. All right, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go fuck my wife. Yeah. You should go fuck your wife.

That should be your wife. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go fuck my wife. I'm gonna tell the story about your kid. You know, interview people who fuck my wife. Yeah. What? Talk about it.

Go ahead, Anniez. I love being a dad. I really truly loved this. I did. Yeah. I got a boy to it with his way back then. Yeah, that's the thing. What? Way better than having a dad. I really truly I did. Yeah, I got a boy to wait. Yeah, that's the thing. What way better than having a girl? Are you crazy? No. Have you ever tried your boys clothes on? It says a fucking perv. All right. Well listen my kids are great. My daughters. Oh, yeah, I mean all three of them. I Feel it's great things are brand new brand new teams. Yeah, well, where'd you get them? You fucking I guarantee you got a deal on those I think you know

Yeah, listen to this the corner of 42nd Street and brother listen to me of 42nd Street and brother. Listen to me. Kim and I. He's a trash bag. That's not a mind too. These are just put glue on them. Brand new. I'm back.

This is how crazy I am. I can't take them. When we did Bonnaroo the first year, they had, you know, they have, when they give away the 10s where they give to celebrities, yeah, I had these tins for 10 years, I never warmed, 11 or 12 years. They sent my closet. I finally

broke them out last year, warm twice. Look. Oh, sorry. What are you saying about your tins? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're broke. Yeah, they're busted. Oh, glue. Do you have any glue? You have any glue? Yeah, I've glue. I carry glue all the time. Fucking asshole. Nobody has glue back out of here. Who was that. Fucking asshole. Nobody has glue. Back out of here. Who was that? Fucking asshole. Look at the calendar next time, Rob. Right?

Why do you mean to people? What, come in here. What did you say? Calendar says five. Do you have any glue on you? Does it say five? It says five, but there was a mix of other calendar. Who did the mix up?

Well, fucking boy. Our show was in there first, you dirty bitch. It wasn't in there first. It wasn't there. But it wasn't in the calendar. It is now. It's fine, we're wrapping up. No, I'm glad this is not my network now.

First of all, drop. Oh. Look at this. Drop your attitude, cock sucker. We're wrapping up. No, I'm glad this is not my network now. First of all drop Look at his drop your attitude cock sucker. I think you do Don't ever talk to Gabby that way Show it. What do you mean you love it? You were your fucking makeup with me right now. You were your heart in your sleeve I hope you die. Why do you say that with me? He's got food and stuff. What do you like him? we're gonna we're gonna wrap up right now. I like Robbie. We live in candy for you too You're welcome. All right listen Vos what do you got besides fucking when I saw Hamilton arthritis? You got his brand new album is out right now where can we get it? I tuned and I guess the other places

Where can we get it? iTunes and I guess the other places. Google play, Spotify, and Kreiswick Kids Tour starts up in January. Kreiswick Kids.com, right? We just got a bunch of new dates. Yes. We'll come in place. We'll get up and

follow you on Instagram at rich.vos. When is this going to play? New years. Sunday, day before. Oh, yeah. I'll be at go to richfoss.com. See all my dates and but decrease with kids towards the main dates. Great. I'll be at go to rickfoss.com. She all my dates and but decrease with kids towards the main dates. Great. Mike, what do you got? My podcast,

Amigos at Amigos pod. MikeFanoia.com for dates. Got a bunch of good shit coming up. DC, Denver, awesome, all that stuff. And at MikeFanoia, I need more followers. That's great, man. I'm going to have a thanks for popping in. Yeah. Thanks Tim Dylan for not coming. I hope you get your own networks someday. Hope one day. You know, I hope Dylan for not coming. I hope you get your own networks. I'm dead hope one day You know, I want my dad. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna really fuck her. Oh, yeah You have to fuck a good fucker and just come and leave it leave it in there leave it all what you gotta do Just leave all of it all the time just leave it. It's actually better take your dick out like a little squeegee You'd dig fine. You can watch games. You have to do shit. It's games. Yeah

Thanks for inviting me on your podcast. Guys, here we go right now, Mike, this hoodie right here, YKWD designed by this fucking chucklehead over here with gorgeous hair. This is fucking guy knows how to design shit. Yeah, he's unbelievable. Thanks. Right, you remember to be happy.com. Make sure if you want your hoodie for Christmas or New Year's, go to remember to be happy.com, get your hoodies, your boototer, everything's up there.

And the Booter. At YKWDude podcast, Instagram, Robert Kelly live, and Instagram to follow you. Yeah. Facebook kids.com, at KreedsKids.com Instagram. That's right. Get your tickets for the Grammys of Theater in New York, those will be sold out before the probably a second week of January. Yeah, it's going to be gone.

So get them now. Oh, I can't wait for that gig, man. January 18th, the Emerald Theater in Detroit for Creates with Kids. I want to be in Philly this when this comes out. Yeah. So I'll be in Philly tonight, the Philly Punchline tonight, I think, and the New Year's Eve.

So get your geotics and the degenerates Netflix, me, Jim Norton, Adrian App Adrian Apollucci Nikki Glazer Miss Pat Donnell Rollins that's new years eve Netflix. It's gonna be the funniest fucking comedy show that she guaranteed Follow Gabby Gabby is Brian and follow Mike Mike V Suarez. I have a new podcast coming out where couples Start to try to date again give it a a second chance, it's called My wife dates me. So, what? What do you get?

What do you get? What do you get? It's really a fun call, My wife dates me. No. Oh. He's making it up. He's being funny, you fucking. That was funny.

That was good. Yeah. That was good. I'm having a real podcast called. I have a real podcast. Unabashed podcast. Follow me. I have a new show at the stand called Our Time of the Week.

Next one is January January 7th 7pm Downstairs main room get your fucking tickets. Yeah, when is it the seventh what days that yes Tuesday can I do it? Do you want to do it? No? Just no Lewis Gomez has Gabby's panties on him. Can I ever call? Yeah, I think that you got Shut up. Can I finish? I'm sorry. I'm talking. Can we finish? Zach, what do you have?

Zach, the new guy. Chris, what do you got? Here you go, buddy. Come on. Get on it. Not that chiny.com. Stop back. Look, I don't ask you every fucking show. Go, Zach, what do you got again? Zach, the new guy still.

I want to say happy new years to all you guys. Listen, thanks for coming to all my shows. What have you got to come by? Will you shut the fuck up? Stop ruining my moments. You're a fucking moment ruiner. It's all you do. I know.

He fucks. You're crazy. That's how you went to the year. Happy new year. You know what, dude, we'll see you next year. ¡Habéis habido de verlo! ¡Habéis habido de verlo! ¡Habéis habido de verlo! Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea.

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