Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - One Better It

Episode Date: March 9, 2015

Robert is joined by Dante Nero, Dan Soder, Mike Brown Chris Scopo and Deepu Gill. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Y qué es lo que es? En la network riotcast.com. ¡Muy bien! ¡Tú lo que es tu cast, en el planeta!

¡No me lo intento de dar un comoque! ¡Me voy a traer a las personas! I'm coming to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. I always try to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on it. It's just us sitting down. And sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's intense. It's rubber killing us. You know what? I'm a gay.

I'm a gay. There's no topics, no directions. But I love doing it. I'm a fucking cast that I can't. Side. Go! Go! Go! and we're live. Wow, you can tell I went on vacation. Woo! You can tell that Bob K.

Yo, Fatarouski went on vacation and ate his face off, because here I is. Here I is. Let me move this camera for you, fucking depots, just to get us out of the fucking light. There we go. We have a great show. Sorry, first of all, all the people that I wasn't here last week. Look, man, we're not happy. Look, bro. No, people, look, there's

only five people that weren't happy. Yeah, but they had made it very public. They made it very public. And I had to fucking, I had to hear about it nine times. All my vacation, Joe list, his fucking voice messages of just a Paul. I thought I would well and you know I mean there was times that it was but I thought it was interesting when we weren't funny but I thought it was very funny and it's like Joe I get the same shit every week and it's my show you know what he mean but I thought it was a good episode look man

My brother Tuesdays with Robert Kelly without the funny part Mark Norman Joe is fucking look I would never hand the show over to somebody I didn't think was funny and he did a great job and it was a great show and of course it's gonna be different than the regular show and of course people are gonna like it but everybody did like most of the people that was if I had 10 people listening to the show we'd have a problem yeah you know because it was five people that didn't like it it's half 30 percent it is even one one of fucking percent of a percent that didn't

like the show uh... so probably didn't fucking pre-order a certain special so what they need to do it's got a robert heli life dot com and pre-order that special robert heli live in the middle of the ground well there is there is the soupa side i'm early how my life

you're here baby here here yeah no you're actually on time in luis goma's time you said eleven yeah no yeah that doesn't listen well listen i'm going to explain this to you uh... normal people when you say eleven it's ten of eleven now if sd said let me ask you question answer this question honestly if you are hosting the nine o'clock show downstairs if at the as the said you host in the show at nine o'clock what time would you be here ten fifty seven oh you would nine o'clock show downstairs. As he said, you're hosting the show at nine o'clock. What time would you be here?

10.57. Oh, you would. Yeah. You'd be late. Yeah, I'd be super late. No, you're fine, dude. We have to start the show exactly on time today because I need to leave because I have to go.

I have to go do some stuff. Anyways, yeah, we were talking about me yesterday. Last week I took off. I went to Arruba. How was that? Did you do the shows or just went? No, I am. It's pouring the question while I was saying it. Well, form it. And you're ahead and then do it. I have the flu, Robert. And I am fighting through it.

Are you really have the flu? Yeah, I was laid up all day yesterday. What the fuck are you here for? Yeah, I've had it for two days, so I don't think I'm, you know. You don't think you have a fucking doctorate? I mean, are you over here? Have you got a med school? Yeah, this clock sack, I don't touch it.

I love that you're the one person that would get mad at me fighting through a fucking horrific hole to come to your podcast. I was sweating this morning and I like, I love Bobby so much. Listen, bro, no, you stay home. Bro, stay home brother. You see we want to be on the show I love you so much that I don't want you here sick. I didn't want a cancel I had a cancel last time you had a podcast it doesn't matter you can't see you can't yeah And I get shit when Dan's on the show I like they're like why don't you get soda on the show anymore? What's wrong? I like your book them. This will be flu corner. Well, all right

Listen, right now first of all don't touch it and don't point fast Is that only the throw shit? You have a medieval knowledge of sickness that it's like Where's my phone? Where's my fucking phone? Give me my phone. I'm calling Dr. Steve right now listen Here's a deal a guarantees isn't well, I don't care. I have a child. Have you ever fucking dealt with a sick child? Do you want me to get on the subway and be like ladies and gentlemen ladies and gentlemen? I have the flu if you have a child do not stand near me I think I'm fine. No, you fucking the word think makes me fucking

But it's a powerful period Yeah, it is if it's fucking by banks. He's right on the side of a coffee shop. Yeah, six stoner Listen man, I here's my thing you bring up a fucking such a good thing. I've always wanted to talk about it, but I've never had the opportunity to talk about it on the podcast. Never mind the YKW. Dada da da. And we'll get back to the Aruba after. Fucking hit that boss and come out fucking after.

After till we got fucking the wreck it and snow. Oh, that fucking haaaat. Dude, the fucking snowbags I can't even see my see my see my house. I fucking Tony V waiting for his packin do you got a fucking you do you got a gas this a guy kid. There's no there's no more of a Boston comedic sentence than that. Tony V waiting for his packin. There there is this Billy Burr fucking going on stage fucking belly bad dude Oh man, I want to so I have a friend that was at that night of too many stars and said bird killed it at the end

So I'm excited to see it. Oh, yeah, was it again? Yeah He did it before too though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you that's the show you fucking apparently on you'll never see Bob on because the word stars Here's a go. Yeah, that's the show you fucking apparently on, you'll never see Bob on, because the word stars is a new stop at 2015. It's gonna be a marvelous year. If not a fuck, he's got three shows this year. You're fucking bitching.

Yeah. Doom, doom, doom, doom. Look at your head, it's Christophe. You're doing pretty well. It's gonna be weird because I'm literally gonna be on FX in April on Louis. And then in June, we go right into sex drugs. Oh man.

They get like three, four months of Bobby Kelly. They're like six. How long does it show on hold? I'm not gonna fucking help you with show business. Yeah, keep your life. Keep them, keep them at your set. Keep your mechanic man. Yeah.

He's like, what is that? Three? How many axles are there? There's four axles on real life. Ask your fucking mother. Well, the season's only two and a half months. It depends, it's 13 episodes, it's the 24 episodes. Is it a four water?

Is it a half water? Yeah, is it the first season? Because those are only eight on some shows. So when BBC is popularized, eight episodes, well, BBC does two more shows. Six episodes, but it's like a movie That's why I watch Luther I was supposed to watch the most in 400 videos

You're a lot of fucking crazy about TV You're a lot of shit I still want to list them any insured I never go Yeah, well, they're fucking They're apparently more popular than my fucking t-shirts I put on my own website Could you go and fucking order a Robert Kelly live t-shirt, please?

Can we do that? Can we fucking somebody go and order one? Hey, you're looking at me. I'll go do it. It's actually a perfect dance soda shirt as one of those baseball jerseys. I don't like them. Why do people think I like it? Because you're an asshole. Hello Yeah, Steve listen, you're on the YKWD live You're on the YKWD life. Oh, I'm sorry. Is this the wrong doctor Steve? Sorry, I got the wrong doctor I apologize. Thank you. Have a good one. I love that. What doctor? How many doctors do you have in your own? Dude, you're right, man. Dude, you just tried personality.

The doctor that had no time for it. And he was a real doctor. He did it to the phone. He's Dr. Graham. Yeah. I didn't eat it. Oh, I did. And I let it go. Here we go. Dr. Steve. Oh, I did, and I let it go. Here we go, here we go, Dr. Steve. Oh, that was fantastic. I just called the wrong doctor, Steve.

Look, I had no time for fucking fun. Oh, God, I loved it. It was fucking fist deep and some old lady's fudge. Listen, you're on the YKWD live. I just called the wrong doctor, Steve, and he really wasn't having it What do you when there's another doctor Steve? Yeah, there's another doctor Steve. I met a long time ago He was like Joe Rogan's friend. I was in Vegas. Remember that guy. Yeah, yeah Yeah, he has his own doctor Steve. Yeah, he has his own doctor Steve and I called him and boy was he his personality

Well, they do you we should get him a prescription for fun? I don't know what type of doctor he is. I'm trying to get you. I always get you. I don't care about him. I care about you. All right. Listen.

Here's a deal. I got a question for you real quick. Just because this is, you know, Dan Soda comes in. He's got the flu for two days. And he comes in and says, I don't think I'm contagious anymore. So because, you know, he's, you know, he's a doctor to apparently. He went to, you know, days and he comes in and says I don't think I'm contagious anymore so because you know he's you know he's a doctor to apparently he went to yeah exactly so it's

widely renowned for his medical dollars it's true yeah my work in hyper conjures second to none now what's the case now this guy because this bugs me about comedians they show up sick and here's a deal. Judy Gold, Judy Gold came in a week ago Friday. I'm going on vacation on Monday and she comes in with the cold. I'm sick, I'm sick. Where did he still sick?

Well, he was on OV and Jimmy and she was sick and that was three weeks ago. But here's a deal, she shows up and spits into that fucking microphone because she needs the fucking hundred bucks or whatever and then everybody on that show is getting sick because you couldn't stay the fuck home Now I went I went to a rubah The way bro I went to get paid if you don't show up you don't get paid so people are going to show up when they're sick Yeah, it's 84 five bucks still. I'll give it to you. Call me up, I'm sick, I need the money.

I'll pay you. I went to a Ruba's sick, okay? Then my kid got sick and then don't got sick. So thank you, fucking Judy. Yeah. All right. I don't think you, no, you out of the comedy business. Yeah, I don't know where he wanted to be.

I'm going to call the other doctor Steve back. Hey, so what is the deal? I'm on rounds. I'm on must have been. I'm in a couple here. You two. Okay. Here's the first you said bands got the flu.

I bet he had in fluent of the symptoms of influenza being fever headache yes yes yes yes and what about a flat face does a flat face have any that's just vomiting and diarrhea right yeah then he get a flu shot this year yes nothing matters yes he did yes he did he did yes Yeah. So he's one of those guys that got the flu shot worked against all of the strains except the one and of course that's the problem on the bathroom right now. Right. Yeah. So if Dan had gone to his health care provider within 24, 48 hours and gotten placed on 10, he might not be contagious at this point.

Right. He did not get that because he goes to a clinic on twenty-fifth street. I wish that's a man. That's why they would still be able to prescribe tally blub. But yeah, no, if he is still got a fever and he's still got schnaught coming out of his nose, then not as full of viruses. I mean, how do you think the virus spreads? You know, viruses got to live too. Maybe I don't. Are you defending the flu? You fucking

weirdo. I might, I might not have influenza. I might just have a stomach bug. There are some theories that viruses are aided in our evolution as a species, but that's, you know, they're kind of wacko theories, but they're based somewhat in science. Well now now Dr. Soda has he just self-diagnosed that he might have a stomach bug because he doesn't have runny nose. Oh my god. Did you just see a patient's cock? Oh no, I share the same melody that Dan Maderman has for both a nephew of folks. So when that that that

that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that No, because you're on an iPhone. You can't even get a regular virus, a computer virus. It's true.

Apple has fantastic security. But, you know, Dan just needs to go home. Why, I mean, first year's the fluidized, got a stomach button. Now, you can get knowledge involving looking in flint as well, so it may not be just. So, he's got the flow. You know, that's the separate thing.

Now, he's got the flow. So, do I have to go to a doctor? Because I have shows tonight I got to drive out too. You're going to do shows? I got to go on. I'm going to go on the race. All right, he's got to flow should i have to go to a doctor because i have shows tonight i got to drive out to we're gonna do shows i got to go on i'm gonna be right he's got to go to muguayas and do shows no good to the shows yeah you know to the shows does that go to a doctor now you should go to a can you call you after the show yeah of course i'm gonna give you a number you call doctor

Steve the good doctor Steve yeah not the fucking personality this one the cardboard doctor actually he's probably a better doctor he's probably a better doctor because he doesn't fuck around with douchebags i got no way man i like him he's like if he was like a lawyer he'd be Sean Penn and Carlitos way i like it i'm way on board of this doctor steve all right now all right so i'm gonna have a call my number he can call me any, all right. So I'm going to have a call. I'm going to stand by number. He can call me anytime. All right. So, but basically, you can, while you have the flu, when is it not contagious? Well, usually they, they will say you're not contagious after seven days of the onset of

symptoms or 48 hours after a sensation of symptoms whichever one comes first. Okay. All right. Now, what about a cold? Yeah. Your colds are tough. You know, they can last up to 24 hours, you know, up to 14 days and nobody really knows much

about it because they don't kill people so they don't do a lot of research. So that's why AIDS really superseded colds. Yes, exactly. Okay, I got it. All right, so there's no benefits, there's no benefits we can do for cold. I would be headlining that. There's one of a shitty benefit. Studies out there showing that zinc laws

and just may reduce the duration of a cold. And what about... What about your own cum? Like first, the first one out of the gut in the morning. A lot of protein. You see, there's no money in a study like that. If there's nobody can make money off of it, so that's never been studied. It may be the greatest thing in the world, but it's never been studied, so you know, you

can't comment. So, we, so, come might be a flood in the mural. Why doesn't he study it and be a revolutionary doctor? He's not going to be a flood in the world, but if you can't make money off of it, you're not going to commit grant money to it. Well, all right. I'm going to actually, I'm going to ask OPPO for the next year for the case study

to eat his own cum every day. And if he doesn't get sick, we know that it's a cure off. That can be your pilot study. All right, great. That's what you do. You do these very small studies. And if you think that you see a positive effect, then you can get the larger study spot.

I think you just said you had a small dick that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that to get the influenza. That thing you can do, wash your hands thoroughly before you eat. Don't stick your finger in your nose. Don't stick your finger in your eye. Yeah, okay. And because you tend to pick these things up and touch something that's got it on it. It's got a bunch of viral particles. You stick your finger in that and then you stick your finger in your mouth. So if me and Dan stick fingers in each other's asses, don't do that today. We can't? No, we can't.

I'm trying to come to a asses, don't do that today. We can't. No, we can't. Well, he has the flu. Later on after he's resolved that you can do it all. Okay. All right. All right. Thank you, Dr. Stave. Okay, guys. All right. Bye. And, hey, when is weird medicine coming back? Oh, well, weird medicine is on Brian Kass' network. Every week, we just had to skip a week because of the weather and the morons. Jerry and Sam, 10 p.m. and Eastern on XM103.

One of the best shows, not even just on this network, out there. Weird medicine, Dr. Steve, him and his friends get together and actually do stuff like we just did. It's one of my favorite shows. So, still only on Center Medical Show in the history of radio. That's it, and that's it, because you're the best. I'll talk to you later, but I go back to those dying people. I'll talk to you later. Bye.

So you said 48 hours. I got the shits on Wednesday. Yeah. So I think we're all right. Oh, sorry. I have PRL from the Yankee Swap if anyone wants. Yeah, you got to do what it is. Oh, no.

Sorry. I need that. I was just gonna say that. That's why I didn't go in the hands. Purell from the Yankee swap if anyone wants yeah, there it is I was just gonna say that that's why I didn't I'm not gonna reach in this class again Okay, I didn't touch it though hang on I went I went off the chest You guys see that right when he threw that and mid flight I had the thought of yeah, we got a big needed I don't I'm patient zero You're the monkey. Yes, and if I could have spit in your mouth Spit right in your mouth like that outbreak It does bug me though because I did I know like I hate the fact that Especially in New York you come in right you come into the show on a Friday night and this fucking six seven guys on a show

Different guys all night long, four shows a night, back and forth between the wall. And people are sick, they come down, it's like look, I understand what you're doing, you got a headline spot tonight. If you don't show up, you're fucking a lot of people. You know what I mean? You can come down and actually do the show,

they can clean the mic after you're done. There's only two people. Yeah, and I'm gonna last one on, I'm gonna last one on. Down in the city, it's fucked because now I gotta, I gotta use all this shit. Yeah. I gotta do you, and then Judy comes in, she's sick, coffin. She goes, I'm sick. Why are you here? Stay the fuck on. But I think Dr. Steve said her right, if you don't show up, you don't get paid.

Yeah, but it doesn't matter, it's not that much money, it's not like it's paying your rent. Yeah, but also then, you know, comics can bust your balls Oh, you don't love it enough. You gotta go out Who the fuck says that people say that? Oh, yeah open micers Not fucking headliners. Oh, you got a point. All right. Don't they nearer. I just showed up high body What are you talking about? Don't think don't think I didn't see the limp We're gonna talk about that, but um, we're talking about Dan is sick and he showed up which if you told me he was sick I'm gonna love him the death I love him on the show, but I tell him to stay home. He's got the flu. Yeah

Okay, are you sick too? Or is that just your breathing? No, I'm tired and I'm fucked up a little fucked up. Okay How you know what I'm like about you is that you You actually have this little baby skull on your necklace. Yeah, yeah, you it's like everything else on you is massive The bone a watch And then you have a gift from who a baby Cute to give to me she give you a baby skull. Yeah, it's weird. It looks so small on you Oh, cuz I have other stuff that I wear yeah, that's you kind of... Yeah, I bet it would look a lot bigger on me. It would be a regular size copy, yeah.

He's down on it. But it really bugs me when comics do that. They show up sick. It's like, you don't need to do it. And if you sick, how's this? Why can't we have it next to a sick mic? Sick mic! Oh, we had those masks, I think.

Yeah. We remember them one time. No, one time I was sick. You made me wear a mask. Oh, we had those masks, I think. Yeah. We remember that one time, no, one time I was sick, you made me wear a mask. Yeah, where is that? I gotta find those. All right, well don't find it, they just ruined it now. Are you saying, you said it like we have?

The joke would be that we have the thing and we make him do it. Where is it? I don't know the part about that joke anymore. Where is it, I don't know. It's over. Didn't you put somebody's face on that? Here's the deal. Here's a fucking deal.

I hate that. I think that we should, I don't think, I think you should be fucking stay home or at least go look. I'm sick. Is there another microphone I can use? Yeah, let's code. I've done that before. I've asked for that before. Yeah, I've been like, I'm pretty sick. I don't know. And they, I forget which club I think

it was stand up New York. Yeah. yeah like we have a secondary mic that's great and they like went and I just told DMC and the MC grabbed it because it was unraveling exactly don't tell anybody nobody knows right for a second they're gonna be like what was that but who cares yeah I remember doing that it was like I think two years ago you could wipe out fucking the comedy community but that is my comedic G-Hot I will take all comedians up if you work to stand You can wipe up most of the mediocre comics in New York City I'd be fine cuz Patrick don't book me fuck him

What the fuck was that? Why doesn't he book you? Because I don't know I don't know. Did you did you do too many memes? Because I don't know. I don't know. Did you did you do too many memes? Maybe I don't know is that is that a thing with him? He's like me I read his Facebook. It says I don't if you're a comic with memes who does too many memes I can't like you. I like Patrick doughies. I think he's funny. There's a douche really why because It's a it's a it's a nerd getting at the cool table and then losing his nuts because now he's at the cool table. That's why. What does it say that again? He's a nerd. He's a nerd who got a chance to sit at the cool table.

And now because he books, he's a prick. You're saying the power got to his head. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, but I don't find that at all. I don't want to snout to you. Why? Because you're an established commissar. He doesn't even be sucking your bowl. Yeah, but can I say something?

Can I defend this fucking clawed for one second? This fang-tooth fucking thing. I don't think he has the fang-tooth. Will the beast, this fucking abomin a bommin old snowman? He really yeah Listen he would show listen man If there's anybody who loves comedy it's this fucking guy when he was nobody He would show up at my shows in Jersey and him and a bunch of people I call them the the fat eight

There's him and some other fat chance because that's because but he was nobody But he was showing up to your show. Yeah, but he don't get points for that. Let me finish. Let me finish. There's a fucking story here. All right, sorry. Are you not on a blacklist? All right.

Stop being so aggressive. The basement of a boat fucking hiding. I know. I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said I don't know. Really? Why would have thought that wouldn't happen? Take a shit from a fucking hot big head chick. Can't just kick her in the fucking toilet and throw it down to flight upstairs. I said this.

Listen. I think that he really, I mean, he took this thing, this fan of comic, of a certain type of comedy, too, which you're a part of. Sure. And he made it into this website, and the website now is one of the hottest clubs in the city, and provides a little great fucking venue for comics. It's almost like the, I feel like it's the sister, you know, the AAA of the comedy

seller. Like a lot of the guys there are the next motherfuckers, and then they have us, you know, the established guys are starting to go there now, and this is all from a guy being a fan of comedy. I think that whatever you had with him, which he's done before, is had some type of fucking fallout or whatever,

or when he's been wrong, you know, you should try talking to him about it. What don't they use you? Now are you sure it's not your jokes? Let's see here at, let's be honest. It couldn't be that. Well, let's not get carried away. Let's talk about it.

Let's make it, let's make it. How many of you talked to Steve back on him? You were the first doctor student. You haven't seen anybody do comedy in at least five years. So shut up. You don't watch anybody. I don't watch you. I know I stop watching people

I really did. Do you know why I stop watching you? You know what first of all just say this It is fun of your wiki w when I'm on it. So anyway I will and then steal every guys jokes Talk that What did you give up comedy? You're not acting out. You just get up and you hide as a serious regular and blackest. You're not telling us. I'm still working.

I've got a couple more episodes. Oh shit. What the fuck? Damn. Is that how you got your leg broken? Why are you? Because you're talking so much shit. Mother fucker.

He's coming for everybody. Not you, Daniel. I love him. Why do you have, first of all, let's talk about this cane thing. All right. You're talking so much shit mother fuckers coming for everybody You have why do you have a first of all let's talk about this cane thing. All right, why do you? Just gonna skip over the fact that Cover it. I want it. I want to ease into this Let's go right into it because

Flu I walked in dying he's looking into kill everybody Just trying to about this variation I'm in some weird like flu fever dream And don't say something here like fuck And do it is hit him up Fuck Patrick fuck well I'm like, uh, Jesus I need to go lay down

James Spader is my mother fuck I'm a fuck with this James Spade is my mother The focus on the blacklist actually I was chatting to Jay Spade The mom Dan that just became the fucking I like it. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like I hope I hope they have it like a just a racist tirade James pay to goes on and someone put the public the shows over Or you get caught fucking like a 16 year old Just done actually makes you more famous now So so you what what's up with the cane? What'd you do your own stunts? I slipped on a slipped on some ice. Oh that makes me win when I

Can rip both quads. Yeah, because you wear cowboy boots in the witty fucking queen. I mean, queen like the group. I mean like a fucking either way, either way. Why are you? Stop.

Why? Why? Where'd you slip on us? Please tell me it was a front of your house. It wasn't front of my house. You are a for you know what? That is that you you're not fucking shovel right? No, it wasn't it was it was the the Day before the first snowstorm ever no Since everything so yeah

And it was kind of like not cold enough that you would think it was ice Remember the I really I like it he talks about weather in terms like a native American Before the great first snow I had wandered outside water had turned ice For the big brave press hard on his way to his feet. Ah, shit. By the way, it shows us a lot better with you.

Nothing makes me laugh harder than thinking of Dante, like, punking someone and then slipping on ice. It's like, fuck you, you little bit, whoo! Oh, shit. So you slept on ice. Yeah, I just went in the air and I went on the first day on this. In his coffee cup because he always gave us all the flu. I was just fucking machine gun. They thought of Dante completely in the air. You spit on it, we all become zombies. I listen.

Fuck me up thinking about Dante in mid-air. Yo, it's fucking forcing tanks to get this fucking little square body in the air. Oh my god. It's like getting a tank to jump at this. All right, so you're flying in the air, those lines are flipping in the air. So I got to do. So, you know, I do, yes, I do. I have my jewelry, of course.

Now you have a fucking bone in your air, it's flipping. Right, right. And your baby skull is flying. So the, uh, I did judo for a lot of time. I'm a sweet boy. Your baby skull is flying. I'm kidding. So the, I did judo for a lot of time. In the air. Yeah, well, I'm on the first day, so I'm in the air

over the staircase. So I think of judo. Well, I mean, you learn how to fall. So I curled and kind of brought my neck foot so I could take the blow. Of course, it's all the way. Did you say neck? Yeah. I think only medicinal. My question is why didn't you just go inside your shell? Yeah. Why? Down the stairs. I'm really in a beat right now. So let's talk about Will still is.

No, it's the Patrick motherfucker. This is for all those spots I need at the stand. I'll keep digging. This motherfucker said neck. I told you. So you're in the hair, you think of judo. So I take the blow my back will usually take it It's like a shoulder blades

I'll take it so you get the part in blackness You took it right on your back and I'll take that bandage. I got up I like I hyper extended my knee and I ripped the quads and we both Play ripped the quads. Yeah done. The left one is done. What do you mean? It's it's fucking ripped ripped Do you have to get it surgery right so they it rips and then it rolls? Fuck are you here? Why don't you both stay home? It's warriors. You're what? Welcome comedy war. I got nothing else bro

Dan, Dan only can go in spirts and then he gets a favor and he'll take a TEMINATE break like sit down. He doesn't You're like bird at the end of his career when I rely on his car. Yeah, I'm flying like this. Stretch his back, just laying on the court. I'm gonna take a couple of threes. So you, you're fuck, you have to get, that's terrible.

The quad is a big muscle rip. And then it rolls up. Oh, yeah, that's what I have in a triple H. Really same thing. So you have no quad right now. I have no, well I have two on it. It's quad so it's four, right? So I ripped two and a four. I never put that together. I mean either. I'm not gonna lie Bobby. I can't share it on you for being stupid. It just clicked in my head. I never thought four.

Julie did one. You have three left. I've no I've ripped two. You ripped two. She have two. I ripped two you ripped you have two I have two, but the only inside ones, but you have side quads I can't I can't extend the knee you can't extend your knee So you can't jerk off or come? Cuz you can't do this Why do you come like that? Cuz you lock your legs I usually come with bent knees you come with bent knees What do you a witch? Yeah? The ferns of the bent knees. And who doesn't back like you give me the go in the car crash? You like?

Yeah, he's racist. You rockin' it. He's racist. He's racist. That's weird. You know, lunch, lunch over. That's the hunch, the hunch is that. No, I'm not a ghoul.

Everybody else hunches over. You race for the crash. Yeah, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're a scared ghost. Everybody else judges over you race for the crash One mistake I really wanted to get you for the quads thing but that clicked in my head so I was like that All right, so you snapped your quad just a to two and what about you stream and I snapped one And one of it. So you only have you're missing three quads. Yeah Wow, and when are you gonna get this fix Friday? I'm going for surgery Friday, but now you but you are you filming still? No, I'm done for now. I just did a

How many episodes? It's I just did a how many episodes it's Someone vacuuming five five six seven eight. Yeah 11 13 15 I did you get to do the math out loud? Can you do it in your head and just say six? Cuz they split it cuz you're not works. I got so I'm gonna have you done 8 or 9 9 episodes. Yeah, now you So this season, because this season's good. I like this season, by the way. And maybe because I got it, I stepped in, whatever. No, you definitely, I was very happy, dude,

when I saw you on there, because you're a great actor. You really are good. I'm not sitting there going, you know, sometimes you see people you know act, and you're like, what? Wow. Also like Dante's like a big dude, and a lot of big dudes when they try to act, you're like, what? Wow. Also like Dante's like a big dude and a lot of big dudes

when they try to act are like, because they're so used to just being big and intimidating, like you can like, don't take an act as asshole. Well, he's got this, I mean I get there, I get it done. I think when you, I think it's just matters that you don't interrupt the storyline. You know what I mean? Like if you're just good enough,

I don't know that thing. I'm not good. I mean, we Patrick is right. I want you off this show. I want you to go get your clothes fixed, right? How much is that? How many bucks? I'll give you a hundred.

How many of you would both get a hundred bucks if you watch in a movie and you go wow, that was back where you have to stop watching the movie to say wow, that acting was bad. You know, or what it takes you have to stop watching the movie to say wow that acting was bad, you know, or what it takes you out of it. Right, right. So I think we could just be enough to, to, to, to, to story flow. Well, yeah, I think, I think with me, when I see somebody, I know, uh, the initial thing

is what the fuck, right? Why did I get an audition for that? My agent's a fucking cunt. No, no, the initial thing is like, fuck right why did I get an audition for my age it's a fucking cunt no the initial thing is like wow that's great so you know and now and then I kind of sit in and I'm like all right let's see what you got right let's see what happens and you know sometimes you're like you know what I mean I was looking at my wife's face with like you know make a cheek she can't help but she's she, she, she, she cannot be real. And we were both lost.

And he was like, that was fucking great, man. We just, we, I know what you're saying. At the end of the thing is when we went, oh my God, Dante was good, because you're in it. Right. Yeah, you pulled it off, man. And you play, you play kind of this tough badass guy that she hires to watch this other guy.

He's the callus, they, well will his name is Samuel O'Leak. Right? I say that because I've never ever played a black dude ever. Yeah, because you're not black. You're black? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. We have a new rule.

Oh, I got a black guy. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got my quad, I'm just saying. Yeah, you're not full black because you ain't got a brand. Yeah, well, I'm trying to get that corporate sponsorship. And you got great eyes. You don't count.

Great. I love his eyes. That's fine. His butt heat really, he can't be black with grass. Well, I don't know. And they're real? His early 90s R&B face. I'm trying to be a catcher.

I love his Harlem night's fucking eyes. Thank you, Bob. Thank you, Bob. Thank you, Bob. So, so, so, so you're gonna be, you're gonna go for the surgery and it's gonna be a motherfucker because I had two knee surgeries. And let me tell you something, it's gonna be, you're gonna need to be, you're gonna need help.

You got help at the house? I got fun. You sure, and you're way up on the top floor, man. How the fuck are you gonna have to stay on the bottom? No, be on the top of me, fine. I hate you, I hate your manliness. I just see you fucking wobbling upstairs. You're gonna get up there and have just a box of cheesets and some soup.

I'm, I've already got my fresh to wreck, my deliveries. Right? People coming, young ladies coming by now. What do I know? Young ladies. You got his bitches. What does he got? His bitches.

His bitches. Why did he say like, what are you? Fucking mobster from the turdies? con volotea la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, lincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Huelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Why would you come out now? I'll move on a little bit. I think it's great. I love that you're on TV. I really do. And I think you do a great job, which is great. And I mean, there's so much.

And people don't know this. There's 30 something shows. Over 30 something shows shooting in New York now. Pilot season is in New York City. It's crazy. You don't have to go to LA anymore. More shows shoot in New York than in fucking LA. So I had a theory about this.

I think Nate and I were talking about about a year ago with Fallen bringing the tonight show. I was like, do the full swing is happening. It's fully swinging back to New York. I'll tell you what it was, is that it became cheap again to shoot film in New York and then they actually built the studios. They didn't have studios.

They didn't have sound stages back in the day. So they had one. So it was like silver cup and like. Yeah, now they got fucking. Chelsea P. Yeah, I mean, even they have all the stuff in Brooklyn now, all these warehouses that they just took over and made soundstages out of and they're making fucking millions.

There's so many shows now, which is, and it's, look, you can't, New York City is a cast member. Yeah. You know, LA, it's like, it could be Florida. Who the fuck on you? You don't know where the, when you're doing a scene in New York City is a cast member. Yeah, you know, LA, it's like, you can be Florida, who the fuck on you? You don't know where the, when you're doing a scene in New York, you know it's fucking New York. Yeah, you can also tell when people do a scene

and they try to beat New York, like Toronto. Like Castle, Castle, Castle of Shoots in LA, but they make it New York. Yeah, you're like, that's terrible, yeah. You see a Tim Hortons in the back right there. Yeah.

What is that? What is that? What is that? Blackwood, white, Blacklist, all the scenes permanently built. Yep. And right until he appeared. And the CDs got just built, like they have. Is that where it is? Yeah, they should have right until he appeared.

That's where you shot the 2-2. And that's where a law and order used to shoot. They have all inside there. Third watch too. Yeah, they all shoot. They go in there. It's so fucking cool. Because you walk in. And here's the thing is that, you know, we shot on Louis. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there.

I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. I'm right there. Here's a thing is that, you know, we shut on, uh, uh, uh, Louie. he has a sound stage and he replicated his apartment that he used to have up there. So's nuts. It's amazing. What they do, man. What the designers do, set designers are fucking nuts. And what's crazy, they'll take those sets and just, they have like, they just stack them up next to each other. And they just slide them out and poop.

That's fucking nuts. Yeah. And they build the whole room. When we shot sex drugs, they had the apartment, they had the bedrooms, they had the actual rehearsal studio, and they would just, you know, pull out the wall and shoot this way, and then put the wall back up and fucking 20 minutes and then shoot that way. What studio did you get to film Sex Drugs and Rock'a Roller? We were at Kingston, which is where...

Blue blood. Blue blood is there. There's like five shows there. There were... We were at the bus, Tom Seleck. blue bloods blue bloods is there is it like this like five shows there we were a gimp we were a gimp Tom Selic right over uh...

agree point agree point i didn't but i was trying to uh... i want to i want to meet donny you know some of my life i'm friends with his brother jimbo okay i just want to meet Tom Selic yeah i want to meet him too

we want to meet him with mustache yeah i want to fucking asshole i uh... Selic without the mustache they shot a I was a little bit of a... Sell it without the mustache. They shot a scene last year, run the corner from my house, and I met him last year.

New man Tom Sellett? Yeah, with the mustache? With Mollie. What'd you say to him? I was just like, hey, how you doing? Is okay nice to meet you, that was it. I loved your work on friends. Hey, can we change that bandana to boring story?

Yeah. Scopo had all the recipe there, just couldn't put the cake to me. I was a muddablin. Hey, I said nice to meet you. Chris Scopo, nice to meet you too. We took a picture. I thought we wanted his garbage collected.

I asked him the end of it. What would you say? Oh, that's the part of the story. I was fucking night rider. It was cool. It was fucking in shock. Night rider. What? Isn't he even night rider? No. No, cool. It was fucking in shock nightrider. What is it even there? No

No, what was he on I wanted a fucking choke on that I'm a fucking show was How dare you confuse Hasselhoff with his shirtless leather jacket look versus Hawaiian shirt Detroit Tigers Proback Bang and bitches on Hawaii Magnum P.I. Black guy with a helicopter. That was the best. It's all I wanted was a black front with a helicopter Yeah, Mike you got to get on it. Yeah, well now you can have him get on it too Now that we know the other cast don't have some notes some oil in front I want can't want him to be in Hawaii five

Didn't call me a howling the whole time now let me let me ask you question. Why would you why would you why do you fucking why would you call will I love will first of all Love will I'm gonna say this right up front so you know where I stand. I already know I I don't care, you don't have to do it. I know you love me, I love it. But he's a thief, he's a joke thief. And it goes against everything that we stand for as comics. And I don't understand why everybody's just letting this rock. Can I ask you one more question? There's a way I can have one of those bead bracelets. Yes, you can.

You know, you know, I waifed it. You can do it. Which one of yours? Is that one? No, that's another one. I like actually I like the skull one of the one of the bed. I lost a little baby one the little thin one I like a little thing This is a perfect I actually want the thin one. This is a perfect looked into who Bobby Kelly is

It goes like this. I like one of those you know, now if it's not a big deal. He's like here take this one He's like you know what? No, if it's not a big deal and he's like here take this one. He's like, you know what? I was like, you want your mom gave you. That looks like it's not a good one. You want your dead mother gave you? No, that looks like it's got a lot of meaning to you. Can I take that one? Let me take that. Okay.

We'll let me tell you something. I don't, you're right. I do not watch. I stopped watching comedy. Number one, the reason why is because I didn't want it to, I felt like this year and last year, and maybe the year before, I was kind of evolving into something. And I didn't want to be affected by what I saw because I believe that that can happen. I believe if you see comedy and there's certain things

you really like that you can absorb it and then it was like, oh fuck, so I stopped watching. Louis, I stopped watching, I stopped watching comedy because I just didn't wanna go, oh why should I do that? I need it. And I'm still in that phase where it's like, I need to leave.

Because you go, it becomes your path. You get to a level where you're so proficient that it becomes your artistic path and only your artistic path. Sorry, I get that. Well, there's a point in your comedy where you have to go, I accept me for me. Unless you steal and people's jokes.

This is what I'm really doing now. Now, why do you think he's good? I see everybody in the business knows, never heard it. You are bugging. I've never heard it. Dan, you're gonna never heard that. That's the first time I've heard that. Never heard that.

Never. I don't know if you ever seen Ellen does the airplane, the airplane, the airplane, the airplane food, which it was her bit for years. I didn't know that. I just know it murders and I'd have to follow it and do it. It murders because somebody else developed it, the matrix sperm bit, anything, anything he can steal, he steals. And I don't get it and guys know he steals They steal my well you never heard this I've heard I've heard of

Oh, don't shoot no no no no no I haven't heard it I'm saying I've heard the jokes, but I've never heard it before it's like I've heard of other comments That's stealing it's just like a known thing, but like I've never heard it with will ever if I did I rock with you I rock with the J. Spay for good, but I don't rock. I don't I don't call 20 comics right now I'll tell you the same thing was a lace and they and a sitar out and fucking chat with this dude He is the the the Equivalent of being a scab if you're in a union. Wow, he does exactly what we go against on every situation I've never I've never ever heard this

I'll give you one better hang on I'm gonna say I'm not black I think this is a Black thing I don't know what happened to the black community. I'm gonna make a black This is that's the perfect politician This is a problem within their community that I feel needs to be resolved by black leaders. There's an end-naked group. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, it. I want better one up it. Sounds cool. I like it. I like it.

I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it.

I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it.

I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I better it. There was a time when Patrice had heard the rumors extensively. You know, Patrice had, right? This is not long this has been going on. Can I put his hat at the end of the table? Yeah, please, please do it. I'll bring him back if you have some of them. Had heard about it and had a conversation with him about stealing and Patrice showed me an extensive letter

about how Will said, I'm not going to steal no more. I went today, I went to do my bit and I did my own bit. Can you let me do his accent? I can't do his accent, he's doing a way better job. But I can't go, I can't do his accent. He's doing a way better job. This is a sin, but I can't sit through it. I feel like Dante just became fucking tarted. That's what was wrong with him.

That's the way I, when I see you, that's the way I think you should talk. I don't tell a lot of the blacklist. My leg hurts. I'm the one. I fell. I slippery. I was on. I fell. I slippery. I was in the upper three minutes.

I fell. I felt shoulders. OK. OK, go ahead. And that and wrote a letter as to how he finally went out and did his, uh, did his own material and bombed and how he was, uh, felt better about it. And then he went right back to fucking stealing again.

Look man, this is what I have. Here's the thing, is that's like when Rogan, you know, was like, you know, Dane stealing and then Carlos, all these people are stealing. It was like, you know, hang on, but then Louis, you know, accused. And then, but it's said it's like, okay, but then Louis had him on the show and then Rogan had Dane on his show and it's like, wait a minute, I don't know what the fuck, you know what I mean? Yeah, but I don't think Dane was the thing with Dane was like a bit. It was like a one. It was not a bit. It was a premise. Okay, it was a premise. I think it was a bit. It was like a one. It was not a bit. It was a premise. Okay. It was a premise.

That's a parallel. I think it was a premise. Well, that's a itchy ass. It's an AMO. And am your kid anything? Yeah, I think the two premises, and he did it his way, he did it his way. It wasn't word for word.

Like Colossum and Sia did word for word. Yeah. As will does consistent. You're saying will, so that's the bigger question is, is it a premise theft or a word for it is a conscious Word for word conscious word for word theft of multiple people's jokes now is it theft or theft with a tea I'm gonna go theft because it is black. Okay, so So, we'll have that. That's a theft. That.

Oh. Ah. I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft.

I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft.

I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft. I'm gonna go into theft. That's the black Webster. Oh, shit. Okay, so there's a theft. Yeah. Conscious, just a word for word.

Conscious, not like, oh, I heard it. And some mistake, confident, conscious, word for word, over and over again, every show all the time. Here's the thing, is that like, it's like, I have so much shit to deal with. I really do. I have a lot of anxiety. I have to, you know, I have to sweep this under the rug. I have to do the show today. I have to leave right at 1230 go to Brooklyn and do

the Louis and then come back over here and do another thing. And then I got my camera going to see my kid again for another day. me and scopol going to fuck where we going DC DC to play the cinema draft house All-Ellen's and draft house. Yeah, it's a blast. You're just doing Saturday. I because I have to do Louis tonight Oh fucking so I had a kiss. Are you doing two tomorrow or one doing two tomorrow? I toss it. But here's a thing is I love that club. It was great. It's great You know what you need to go go to the diner across the street in Arlington. Yeah, it's called up I think Bob and Edna's or something. Yeah, best milkshakes of it. It's great. You know what you need to go to the diner across the street in Arlington? It's called, I think Bob and Edna's or something.

Best milkshakes in my head. Here's the thing though, is that I looked on their Twitter. They haven't promoted me one time. They're literally promoting shows that are coming up soon. And it's like, I look and I'm not even, so I retweeted and they got like 4,000 people. I retweeted, hey, you know what's coming sooner? Me.

That's what I'm saying. They don't believe it. people I retweeted hey, you know it's coming sooner me The guy who runs the Twitter does he not is he get you know Be for yeah, I swear to God sometimes those guys do they have you can't listen You have to be Switzerland you mother fuck if you're running a fucking Twitter account of a comedy club, you can't just fucking jerk off all the people you like and fuck the guys you don't. Yeah, you gotta be corporate-dannabout it. Fucking annoyed me. It's like, is it really, is all the publicity on me? I gotta do it all now.

I gotta take an ad out in the fucking local paper. You should do a local commercial. You didn't say that. I'm Robert Kelly. What are you doing Saturday? I gotta should do a local commercial. You didn't say that. I'm Robert Kelly. What are you doing Saturday? I got a lot going on, dude. I can't promote it. So this is my one shot.

1-800, shot, house. But anyways, it really is a great club. But I got a fucking, you know, let me tell you something. If you're a fan of the show and you're a fan of mine and you fucking tweet me, hey, maybe I'll buy a ticket ticket so it won't be as less full as it was last time. I hope you and your family get hit by a plow on the fucking highway. I hope your tire pops in a snowstorm and a plow comes and just and no one finds you until the spring like like like a fucking serial killer dead body when they hide them

in the winter. I hope nobody finds you. And you are a fucking, I don't care if you're joking, go fuck yourself. Yeah, it. Go fuck yourself. I don't at my age want fucking cunt sarcastic fans.

Okay, you want to be funny, be funny. You want to be a dickhead, be a fuck, go fuck yourself. Okay, and I can clearly a degree with you on that. I love the fact that shilling finally got to these fucking guys. Oh yeah, you went hard on them too. I fuck you, fuck them and you lost your job. Because you were being a fucking psychopath on the internet,

you think you're fucking untouchable because you're a nobody, but you know what, now, now you're in fucking check. See, they went out there saying, like, we are, we're in fucking check. Right, we don't get to say everything we want. They went out there as family though, which was fucked up. Doesn't matter. But you know what, that all comes from the same fucking place.

It all comes from that same place of being anonymous and being able to fucking attack, or anonymity. And I'll tell you this, a lot of the times the people that talk shit are these Twitter profiles of fake people Yeah, they're not really eggs or they do characters from movies and you're like oh, so now I got a fucking hate stand gable from Revenge of the very because the sky was cut made a fucking Twitter profile I got a block him and now I hate a moment. It's fucking ridiculous. And they're like hey you suck It's like yeah, you don't think I don't think I suck

It's fucking ridiculous. And they're like, hey, you suck. It's like, yeah, you don't think I, I don't think I suck. You think I walk around like, oh, I'm amazing. I'm currently all the time. When I'm on the road, I apologize to so many waitresses in comedy clubs because they get cut and they don't make any money that night because I'm doing a half full comedy club.

And here's the thing, here's the thing. And he is the show. Here's the thing, you want me. So, so here's the deal. I sell the fuck out. And now somehow you shut the fuck up Yeah, so somehow you so that's what type of spineless fucking man you are if I'm if I'm famous You'll kiss my ass, and you'll just fucking keep for a little bit for a little bit

That's how our culture works. You'll kiss your ass for a little bit But then you get too big and they're gonna want a fucking Terry now. Wait when you said sell out I don't understand to fucking Terry now. Wait, when you said sell out, I don't understand what you mean. By, by being big, by getting bigger, like selling out to get. So you sell out the fucking venue, and then all of a sudden you're just a fucking cocky dick or whatever. I fucking sit after every show in shake hands,

and fuck, doesn't matter if it's sold out or not, I'm fucking there. I'm always a nice guy to anybody who wants to be a fucking nice guy to me. I'm not a fucking elitist cock sucker. I don't treat people like shit and I fucking kill every time I'm on stage. I try. I don't fucking mail it in. I don't do a fucking crowd work. I fucking try to a night. I did a show in a snowstorm two, three weeks ago in Jersey. Fourteen people came. It was a blizzard. I actually had a

stay in Jersey that night. Okay. It was a blizzard. I actually had to stay in Jersey that night, okay? It was so bad. And I fucking gave him everything I had. I had mother fuckers. So no fucking, you know, you fucking, you, you, you, you can't fans that have been fucking grown from this, where macho, alpha male, you, what, you can't take a ball busting.

Hey, and I hate the guys too. Why, why do you let it bother you? Cause I'm a ball busting. Hey, and I hate the guys too. Why do you let it bother you? Because I'm a fucking human being. Dude, I would love for some of the feelings you fucking disconnected social packs. Well, here's the thing, Bobby. I don't think it's almost like I would love to type a bunch of mean personal shit about you

that you've done at your job. Me? No, no, no. How do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, I'm going after you. I'm taking these fucking Twitter people's side. But I'm saying like, you. How do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you,

how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you

how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you how do Well, I was much fan, is that's it? And this is the thing is, I'm kidding, Will has. I, you know, a lot. They, and they should know, well, here's the deal. Is that you, you're human beings.

There's other people's fans, too. They look at, you're human. You know what, me and my wife, this one I, this one I love, this, these are the things that I love in life, because we walk around and think we're so different and we're so messed up. And we're on hands. And we're so fucked up. I'm on the how to say. And we're so fucked up.

I'm on the plane with my wife coming back with Max from Aruba. And look, my nightmare happened. Max was just over stimulated and he can walk now. He wants to run around, run a plane. And he's fucking tired, he can't sleep, he's fucking screaming. We're trying to hold him, he's, yeah. Every people are looking now We get a fucking literally built a fortress around this fucking row five, you know a B and C

And look fuck you and fuck you and stay back and nobody's come shit You know hold max and not be shitty parents to him and I'm sitting there going Fuck I keep going fucking Ugh, and I'm like, oh my god, And it's the worst thing I've ever dealt with it's one of the fucking most taxing things I've ever dealt with and And then my wife at one point At one point she goes oh god, I wish I get hit him and I just started laughing I'm trying to hold it in so you don't think I'm a shitty dad. And you're doing so, you're putting,

she's thinking the same thing. And I even talked to Louie about it. It's a guess, you're a fucking human, so it sucks. And to defend you, I was on a flight recently where this kid was just screaming, screaming non-stop. And the parent was like, and I thought, everyone's it's easy when you don't have a kid to be on a plane and be like shut that fucking kid up

it's easy to do that but I saw the dad and he had this look in his face like half fuck yeah he knew what was going on yeah we're getting off the plane at the same time and I go hey man I mean if it makes you feel any better son that kid up as an opera singer because that kid can hold and he like laughed he's like thanks man I'm like yeah I mean it was that was impressive yeah because the kid just kept screaming the entire flight and I was like, well, my ass finally went to sleep, thank fucking God. But it was like, you know, we're human.

These people somehow maybe, maybe also you could be a better dad. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I gotta take a look at that. I'm going deep, huh? I'm talking about that. At least I live with mine. Oh God

Talk about I live with mine 26 26 It's phenomenal give a kid scubbos age Jesus Oh my God He explains the ass You have is the way he's doing. You have a daunting near way.

Oh, yeah. It's a genetic gift. So, yeah, it's a fucked up thing, man. I really, and I love that shelling. This is why I love it. Because he went after them in a passive aggressive way. You said wow it's surprising that your job and blah blah blah. And now the job oh yeah you can't fucking you can't just work here and then go be a fucking serial killer online. Yeah but did you see the reaction this is this

is the problem with our culture. Did you see the reaction of now the people that got fired. Yep from their job, now we're turning around and trying to act like the victim, where they're like, he took our job away from us, because we were on a website and it's like, you said you were going to rape his daughter. You fucked. I tricked off to that story. I heard Norton comparing it to what? I heard Norton comparing it to what happened with Anthony.

Two different things. Two different fucking, Anthony said, this is what I believe in and I will stand by it. These guys maliciously said some fucked up shit that what they didn't believe, they didn't really wanna do that. They were just trying to hurt people. Anthony wasn't trying to hurt anybody.

He was trying to say this how I feel, and this is my opinion, and people took it the wrong way. Anthony should not have been fired, okay? Because it's not like it just came out of the blue. Anthony's, it's almost a political side he went on. Whether you agree with it or not, that's just it, okay? But, but these guys were trying to fucking attack people. They weren't, and then he was not trying to attack anybody.

He was attacked. Also, there was a specific, these guys took a specific public figure and said, what's the meanest thing I can say is by going after his child and saying, I'm gonna do the worst thing to herb besides murder, the second worst thing to her.

And here's the deal of people, hey, you have consequences too. Because if I go out there and just say some mean shit to somebody, I have consequences. I could get fired. I have to be careful with what the fuck I say. I have to make sure, number one, I mean it, and I'll back it, and I'll take the consequences with that,

or I don't fucking say it. And I've been saying this, I've been saying it on stage it and I'll take the consequences with that. Or I don't fucking say it. And I've been saying this, I've been saying it on stage in a bit, but it really is true. These people that go after people online and talk shit online really have made me like real life dickheads. Like people that are mean in person, I'm like, yeah, at least you're fucking doing it.

Because without face to face, people can say anything. They would call for me. They would do anything. They would say shit to you. They would, I remember this one guy. Well, this guy, I actually said to him on this thing. I'm sorry.

The guy said he goes, I go, please don't, please don't come. Yeah, I go, please don't. Then he goes, I do. I brought front row Bobo. I don't want you. I don't want you. But you know what? There's a guy.

I was just kidding. You can't take a joke. It's shut the fuck up. Yeah, when I was in, when I was in Austin, this guy tweeted at me. He's like, hey, I bought tickets to your show. You better be funny tonight. And I was like, no thanks, man. And then who was it after the show?

This fucking socially nervous fat guy that's like, ugh, I just, I love what you're on. Hopefully it ain't happening. I love the podcast. And then it's like, yeah, you're a fucking dork. So stop taking your dork fucking meanness. Can I say something? Can I say something to get that from the black community all the time like my black friends come to show like hey Mike I'm coming to the show you should better be good tonight like it's always like that kind of shitty thing

But if you know the black people It's like I bought tickets to show look it was empty last time you don't think I fucking bum out You don't think so you need to make me feel shittier that I'm not fucking selling out three shows at the that they're not adding shows or then at least I'm not that I feel shittier enough that as funny as I am and go fuck yourself because I'll say it I'm fucking one of the funniest right now. I'll fucking I'll go on any stage with anybody I'm fucking funny and I'm not selling out. I'm fucking funny. And I'm not selling out. And you're not selling out? I'm not selling out.

I'm not selling out. I'm not all my jokes. I still sell my, isn't it? But you know, and here it is. I can't sell it. So I feel like shit. So you gotta make me remember when I feel like shit a year ago

and make me feel it. Is that what type of fucking fan you are? That's not a fan. Fuck you. And you said I had dudes just on because my character on black lives snitched. Yeah. Brothers like fucking snitched. They were like, I'm ready to decision.

Yeah. And when I read the script, I was like, I was like, I was like, I don't, I don't even want to get stitches. I don't even want to do this fucking line Because I know oh shut up. You didn't have one second of that You saw your paycheck and you saw fucking J. Stade Fucking spit whatever you want. I'll say black people the fucking ignorant Let me read that do you you have no idea and he'll tell you if you're a snitch I would rather kill babies

My character. I'm a rather my character kill babies. This is like everybody I love the thought of you like highlighting your lines in the script and getting to that Action I'm like fuck you police. I'm not telling you. I'm never bitchin' it. Guy cut. That's not the line. You just can't make it. Yeah, J-SPEt comes in. Can we get a script supervisor in here?

Yeah, don't do it. We have you. Actually, you do give the location of the criminal. Fuck you. Okay, I understand that, Dante. I'm gonna need you to say the location, in order for this season to move forward. Fuck that. I say fuck you, Max.

Can we, can somebody call Will Sylvainson? We're just gonna make the guy Haitian. That's some always. Well, gonna call him Haitian Joe. Give me do his lines. I'll do his lines. Yeah, it's fucking, it's unbelievable. It's like, you don't realize, and then if you,

this is the best part, if you go read their thread, they're just sucking dick, sucking famous comic dicks. You know what I mean? Guys who are really successful, they just, oh dude, hey, I heard that. Hey, that was really great when you said, hey, here's a clip that you were looking for. Me, they have some knowledge.

Yeah, they treat you like shit because they, of where you are in the business where they think you are. Which by the way, a lot of guys, after the year you're about to have, it would be great for you to like, screen grab a bunch of the shit talking. No, I would. And then, but to see if it comes back around with the same guys like, I'm not going to do a text study. Might as well.

Well, you know, a year ago, I took, I'm feeling, I'm feeling, I same guys like I'm not gonna do it's not study might as well you know a year ago I took I'm doing will seven seven I'm feeling this now now last week he said I think I think it happens though they come around and listen this is they're all there obviously are a lot of good people on Twitter yeah well dude yeah look I want to move on we always like people are the fuck Twitter I love Louis deleted his account you know know what he said? He goes, I've said the worst things in the world on Twitter

and they're out there. He goes, I just, it's done. And I, it's like, you go to Twitter and you're like, it's addictive. It is. It's really addictive, man. It really prays on how fucking sad and lonely we are. It really does.

The human condition is so fucked up. They invented something that just, you know, I had this joke in it where, you know, I, you know, I thought the deal was you became a father and a husband and got a house and you were a man and you didn't get made fun of anymore. But now I had a fucking, you know, a kid from Canada call me a fat fucking loser. And I was like, I was sad, I was like, it hurt. I was like, what the fuck? Like I'm back in junior high, feeling with you queer.

That's exactly the way I had to look at it. Like all my mean friends from middle school that were fucking, you know, doing smashing grabs and grocery stores and shit. And then like, that's like the people of Twitter. Compton where the fuck was a smashing grab? Was it really a smashing grab? Yeah, what's going on? I mean, they would go in and what?

It's fucking grab cigarette. That's when they used to put cigarettes on a shelf. Okay, grab cigarettes and then the fucking Indian guy would try to whack them with the thing. What the? Where'd you go? What the fuck? Like, they're fucking baton ahead behind the counter.

The baton? Yeah. Do you see the band? No, it's an Indian guy. I'm just trying to get in the gun. And they're making it up. I'm not making it up. I never did it, but my friends and middle school.

Where were you? I was outside of my business. He was the last man. He was the last man. He was the last man. I'm not feeling comfortable doing that. I'm like, I have normally deep voice at fucking 11. Guys, I don't think we should be doing that.

Shut up, odor, and I'd be like, okay. And then they would fucking run in and try to grab as much as they could. The dude would fucking beat him. He would never leave the store. One time they did it. I know, you went back in with like, I'll get tan and go to grab as much as they could. The dude would fucking beat him. He would never leave the store. One time they did it. I know you went back in with like, like a tan and go, here's this what they stole. I totally wanted to do that.

I was, you know, having a conscience in middle school, they call you a pussy for that. It's weird. It's just a fucking, it's a, it's a weird thing. This, this internet, this social media, and it's like the clubs. We have to promote, they used to take out ads and spend money on promoting their shows, not anymore. They want the guys that just sell the fuck out with one tweet.

And then they give Kevin Hart's shit, because he wants $200,000 for a cup of tweet. Fuck you, pay me, I built that up. I got 14 million people. I totally agree to the point of the book. You didn't fucking do a mailing list. You didn't fucking get fans You don't tweet. You don't fucking build this up from nothing. Yeah, you're not sick. Go to a gig fucking don't want to be there You feel like shit. You want to stay home? I think I think I think these right. Yeah, give me some money

You want me to tweet? Give me some fucking money. Well, I did that thing with um, when he you know the kid that kid was stealing Patrice's material I did that thing with, you know, the kid that kid was stealing Patrice's material. Oh, yeah. No, no. And it was the end of YouTube, too. Yeah, and I, and he had nine, he had like on YouTube, he had 99 million views on his YouTube channel. And I just said that it was, like I got into this thing with him about stealing the material. Yeah. And I was getting 500s, eat a dick every day on my Twitter.

But they were all his fans who never heard of the choice. And they were all, you know, profile pictures in their mother's bathroom. So I started going in, I would look at the profile picture and then take, if you had a big nose, that fucking nose, I'd tell them that your father never that's why you father left. I would just Killin up for like every day just killing you guys. I here's a deal What I'm learning now is I don't have fucking time for this shit more

I don't have time to go and and and and and deal with this shit I don't know you know I'll block if you know my real if you don't follow me I'm blocking you if you're a dick, but if you follow me and you with this shit. I don't know, I'll block, if you don't follow me, I'm blocking you, if you're a dick. But if you follow me and you say dick shit, I don't really give a fuck. Fuck it, you wanna be that guy, be that fucking guy. I have very little time in the day anymore to fucking do this, but I still find myself looking.

I'm actually, I think I'm gonna stop Twitter, looking. I'm gonna stop. I like Facebook my news feed because I follow a bunch of people that put interesting shit up But I'm gonna stop looking. I'm gonna promote this show promote my gigs and whatever the fuck you guys I always say man go say I was actually just shut it all down and just pay something good I think I might just pay someone to run my Instagram my $1,000 business if a couple nerds and look at will we'll find out your personality and you we just pay someone to run my Instagram. That'd be a million dollar business. If a couple nerds don't look at will, we'll find out your personality. And we just need you to come up.

People do that already though. Oh. I'm willing to hire someone to run. I mean, how much are you paying though? How much is? I'm willing to. Bobby's got real money. I'll pay your $6.

Don't tell you know this. I don't have real money. Has compared to me. Dude, you got more money than me The fucker get those serves back to the point my specials coming on Netflix You said it's a you said it's addictive and you're right, because it's just, it's addictive, and it's time that I'm wasting on shit

that I don't wanna be wasting on. It's really, it's like, it's like, it's just sucks. I gotta stop looking. You gotta not engage it at all. Cause I love listening man, no, I really love engaging fans. I'm that guy, I'm Captain Mayor. I love, I love, I like talking to people.

I love hanging out with them. I really do. I don't give a fuck. I like, people give me shit because after the show, I will fucking say hi to everybody. That's who I am. I can't not do it. I'm sorry.

That's my fucking thing. I know some people are cool. I know some people think it's stupid or hacky or kind of fucking, I don't know what the word is If these are the people that are coming to see you why would you but I get what and what does it take you? Really in terms of energy. I understand I understand some people don't do that But I don't mind doing I like doing I actually I went to the gig out in Jersey I went to a cigar place beforehand this guy walks up. Hey man big fan. Can I get a pit? Yeah? Absolutely and I walk I go I mean I'll smoke a cigar with you guys. It sat

down. We had a fucking stoke together. Another friend of mine came up. They went to the show. We all went to a diner. It was like this. And that's for them. That is that's a moment. A little snapshot. I remember they will keep my good friend years ago at the stress factory one night my good friend Patrick Mulligan Showed up. We all wanted to a dyno one night. We hung out all night and you know that fucking guy now One's a great comedy club and book fantastic I mean I really a split a space I can really explore you go make me sock him in his fat chin You know make me do fucking hands gonna bounce back

and hit your own face. Listen, I really, to touch on that, I don't think you can hate somebody for not using you. I'm not, I don't hate him for not using me. I don't, I don't give a fuck. It was a, we had a, I believe we had a friendship first. Right. And it, and that's first, is that first without a team two that's three

s's oh with a deep first okay good I mean I've been in real fight so some of my teeth are missing I don't know about you you have all your teeth I got all I'm calling it I like chewing I got a bunch of I missed the teeth but I actually can afford to replace them I got all my teeth I'm a huge bus but I actually can afford to replace them. I got all my teeth. I'm a huge pus. But I can chew through. Yeah, let's do this fake right here. I know. I know. I can. I'm looking at it.

So I mean, it wasn't that. It was that is they managed me. Dante is a fucking, he's like that fucking lion that you tame. And everybody. Every couple of saddies is going to is gonna cut mood you're gonna be careful Hey you wanna get on the bus? If you're going to work with the lion today, do not

do not charge tame him too much because he is in a very bad mood So if you could, I say do the cage run, you do all the podium, but do not do the stand and shake. You feel attacked you. Fuck me. You really just get fucking beat. So, it was under the, like our relationship was under a guy, under the guy as a friendship first, and then it became managerial, and then it was like all of a sudden, just like you forget that like,

I'll fucking unhinge your jaw, like you, you're disrespectful. It's like, you like all of a sudden now because we cool, you're gonna be, it just, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was a series of things that just was like fucked up, and it was. It was. It was your bubble-ass, what is it? It just was a series of things. Right. That just was like fucked up.

And it was under the guise of them supposed to be managing me. And I was just like, when he was managing me, I wasn't getting spots. And I was like, I don't understand how you, and a lot of it had to do with, with gnome, making a statement about how it was a, it was a conflict of interest for them booking their own people. And so they were trying to prove to everybody that

they were done. That's not true without it's not a conflict. No, that's what you should do. That's what Barry Katz did. That's a successful, successful artist. So why would you, why would you do that and not give the people that you that you manage? They should have Comblanche with the CH at the right? No blanche

I love saying words that I could never spell if my wife's head was on the line spell it So and that was That was my stuff is a G is a C And that was it that was my Stuck is a G is it a C call I did a bomb all Spell it C-A-R-T-E-B-L-A-N-C-A-G This is what I look at up can I say something real quick? I want to cry right now Because I'm fun. That's what I want fuck the money

Fuck the money See a RT There might be any I'm not sure I think it's French so yeah, there would be a HG that's probably if you guys on the on it hang on I don't think so as it you're looking at it You're fucking dumb Queen square. Oh, yeah, see are You're looking at it. You're fucking dumb Queens queer. Oh, yeah, see our No, no, but it was different. It was a different thing as well. It was the C-A-R-T-E-B-L-A-N-C-H-E Is he right or not? Yeah, yeah, yeah, come block it. It makes me want to cry. Thanks. That's the one thing I'm gonna make sure my kid gets an Education cool just make sure as a parent you just verbally abuse him his entire

childhood and he'll be fucking make sure he knows how to spell shit. That's what my mom did. My mom's like, you're a fucking idiot. Learn how to spell it, I beg. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna do that. Yeah, I don't do that.

I think I'm just gonna have a good neighborhood and have a good mom. Yeah, hurt her. So I just, I think that with this stuff, the, I don't know if this There's not enough time in the day at a certain point because we're getting a little long in the fucking tooth Where we have to really learn as much as we can and Work as much as we can create as much as we can to worry about to hold on to these things these resentments or let me fix the fucking comedy community or let me do this or

that you know I think that if I had 10 million in the bank and I had a gig that was never ending and I didn't have to worry about anything maybe I could fucking police everybody maybe I could go to that talking about police and we're talking about the one thing like here It is I think I think you let it go though is what I'm saying Well, I wouldn't I listen it when you want getting your fucking shot like I can it is it goes against everything that every comic is about You you figure something out of premise or something you work it out you polish it you you try it you sit on the Fucker stage you sweat it through to make it funny and polish it and then somebody steals it like that it goes against

The very fabric Absolutely, yeah, you're okay and so even if it's even if we're going a look I can't police the The comedy community at the very least you we should go this is a guy who does that right okay Okay, and then whatever anybody does after I need to number one two is that you know I know people this the thing is like people are dating is this and dating is that and I was like oh shit What is he cuz I'm here? I'm fucking on tour with this guy right now and actually And look man, I you know a lot of people clump me in with that. Well they didn't clump me, I never stole, I was never been,

you were the type of guy. That was never that because of course it wasn't. But, you're like his guy or something? Well people would ask me, whoa, why the fuck don't you, it's like first of all, I looked at it and it's a premise thing and how the fuck, how much, and I point out, ask them, do you do that? And here's a deal. You want to do that?

I believe it's going to affect your career. At some point, when you make it, I believe, Colorsment, C, have paid the fucking price. I believe Dane paid the price, too. Okay? I believe you pay the price for. I believe Dane paid the price too. Okay? I believe you pay the price for what you do, for the decisions you make. Okay?

And I think, certain, look, after all that too, I think that it goes, I think that if you didn't do it, I think you'll never have to worry about that. But look, Louis had them on the show. Yeah. Which was a great scene. Yeah, it was a great, it was about that. It was like, it was funny because they both got their points out in an argument where you're like, oh shit, okay. Like the way Louis did the analogy of the rocket ship taking off and then Dan was like,

what you think you're the only one with an itchy asshole? You're like, that's fucking both guys made their point. So yeah, But we're also talking about somebody who's cake toss going on outside and put the pot sauce. It's will outside fucking doing the food. I'm like, I want you down here right now. I am not there, Doc. What I'm talking about is not. I'd like to find a fat little short of Voodoo dollar you outside

with a big ass with 900 pins in it all the quads Would pen them back It's one thing if you're talking about a miss a miss understanding. It's another thing if you're talking about somebody's Constitution of what they do over all 80% of what they do over all 80%. I know what that means. I know what it means. And this is happening a lot in Alaska boys. Louis came up to me yesterday and we're shooting this thing

and he said, I need you to be more something. And he said this word and I went, okay, cool. In my head I go, I have no idea what that means. But I said, okay. So now I have to do it. So now I just tried to guess it was stagnant. I don't know what the fuck it was, but I'm such a, I don't have the,

I'm so dumb that I don't have the ability to say, I don't know what that means. Yeah. That's a good, that's a thing I need to learn how to do too, sick, I don't know what that is. Oh, fuck it. I think that's the freedom in life to me, is when you can just be

fucking who you are. Accept the fact, fat, dumb, smart, and certain blah, blah, blah. I'm never gonna be this guy or that guy or this guy. I think when you accept that fully, and you can be okay with that, is when you can actually be know go to that next thing i agree that i could put and that's what i thought i don't know about all the time about like

stop wanting to get people to like me because it's not really be me being me it's just me trying to be like this appeasant version of yeah was pleasant version of every one likes you yet but that's what he says everybody yeah that's not true not everyone like i've never met a person doesn't like dancing my wife thinks He's a fucking Conte. Oh, okay. I'm kidding I'm like I love Don I think she'd bang you Don't fuck my wife

Let's take it to a weird place and then I'll blame you for it I mean, that's a good Bobby move. That's a good Bobby move. Let's take it to a weird place, and then I'll blame you for it. Oh fuck all he is. Fuck you. He put you in the house. That's funny, guess it's true. But that's what Alan's always like. He's like, if you're a nice guy, you're going to be a nice guy.

He's like, just don't fucking worry about people. He doesn't care He said that to me goes you're fat just be fat He always says that he's like all right, so you're lazy, but you know you're lazy Yeah, I was coming here with my hyperconjure I own his curse at me and something that yeah, you call me a pussy when I went to the drinking Like you're being a pussy. You call me a pussy the first day I walked in yeah, I said you're not making me into a fucking girl He goes I mean I'm not I don't want to be a pussy all right he goes you're already me a pussy the first day I walked in. I said you're not making me into a fucking girl. He goes, I mean, I'm not, I don't want to be a pussy.

All right, he goes, you're already out of pussy. Real men don't go to therapy. That's true. You don't go to therapy. And black people, he said. I'm smiling. Yeah, I know. I'm laughing.

Right, well, never call me back before. I think, I really think that, I don't know. I'm not gonna talk about that. But, well, never call me back before. Some, I think, I really think that, I don't know, I think with that type of thing, that type of resentment, I have resentments in my life, I've tried to get rid of them over the last year because there's people I don't talk to, man, there's some people I don't talk to, but I don't, some people I, I, it's not that we don't talk anymore, that's great, that's fine, but I don't hate to, man, there's some people I don't talk to, but I don't, some people I, I, it's not that we don't talk

anymore, that's great, that's fine, but I don't hate them at all, you know? I don't hate them, I don't, I don't, I don't have that. It's a violation, it's a violation, so. But even Patrick, it's like let it go. You work out the clubs. I don't fucking care, I really don't care.

Lucian fucked me every chance he got, and I never hated him. I never trashed the club. Now, it every chance he got. And I never hated him. I never trash the club. Now, Todd Lynn, I hated that guy. You hated Todd. What a guy. I hated him. So I threw a party when he died.

I had tickets and everything. Soul out tickets. I have a fuck. He was a douchebag. He was a horrible, horrible human being. Some people should be dead. Like here what you say. Some people should be fucking dead.

And I like Todd. And you wonder why you're slipping on ice. I'm not hanging with you. Fucking, what a fuck. Dead man parties. Inviting the devil to dance. You said you were gonna come too. No, I like Todd.

I would never say that. I was bummed with Todd. Well, let's not get carried away. I was. For some reason, for some reason, Todd. Well, let's not get carried away. I was. For some reason, for some reason, Todd was, he was awful to me and then I threw it right back at him and for some reason he was like, I was like, I was like, dude, I'm gonna take you outside.

I'm gonna fucking one punch you right now. I kept calling him. And then he was like, you know, I like you man, I'm just positive. I was like, well shut the fuck up and let that be known before you physically let him home. He made me, you did? I followed him home. Jesus. me you did I followed him home

Jesus and fucking told him if he cost me a dollar in this business I was gonna come in his living room and fucking great crack his jaw. What do you what he say? Oh? Well, I'm a Dante man. Why you always gotta be about violence, but this was the kind of dirty I'm like, yeah. That's right. I had to use the- Very pointed question. I got you a gig on Wigless, man. You're also verbally intimidating a man

in his own house. I wish we could really not go a violent route on that. In your living room. Yeah, you're five, two. You're five, two sideways, too. And then we actually got really cool. Right. And then he was, he was like, but it's like, okay, it's done.

And I was picking his son up. Like when he got sick, I would pick his son and his wife, but his girlfriend from the airport and bring them back to Jersey. Then he couldn't pay his rent and I paid his rent for it. And then he shitted on me again after that. He just, like came to a comedy club and just was like tried to bump me. Like this was after, I don't be a-

You got bumped by a blind guy with fucking, tried to, tried to bump me and he didn't. And then I was like, you owe me $1,200 for your rent and you're trying to like you fucking dirt back. So it wasn't just. Okay, listen to me. I want you to do something right now for me. No, I want you.

I do. All right, I want you to do something for me right now. Todd's dead. You're not working the stand anymore. And you and Will, look, there's nothing you can do about. He is what he is, okay? Whatever. I want you to do it with me right now say these words

Okay, repeat it probably not repeat it would it have to me what are they? In the universe in the universe I release I release all my hatred and resentment That's probably not gonna have my just say it. I release all my hatred in the universe and Just say it. I release all my hatred in the universe Em resentment and resentment and the walls of lack and delay now crumble away. I don't know lack or just say the walls of lack and delay now Crumble walls of lack and delay crumble away. Okay, that's good enough By divine right By divine right and a perfect way in a perfect way. My happiness comes to me. My happiness comes to me.

Now. Now. Okay. Now say it again five times. You gotta get in a better head space. I am in a, I'm in a great space. No, listen to me. No, you're not. You get too fucking quads gone. And the top of your head small than the bottom of your head. Okay, that's not a good space. We got a great a great I'm gonna gray head space. I'm really happy the friends that I have are amazing. Am I your friend?

Absolutely You know that that's why I'm here with no quads This man walked up two flights of stairs with no He beat your flu I came in here Yeah, you know, you in here. I love it. Yeah. You know, you need it.

I love to sweat soaked bed to come here today. You know you need eight quads to pick that ass up. Yeah. His ass flu is gross. I'm doing it on three quads. He's going to say, he's going to eat quads ass. Yeah. Dante doesn't know that it's fucking three out of the four already blown before the ice just

blew the fourth one. You know what? It's sexy truth. They were like, you got a rip in this one too. I was like, uh. Like we got some damage from the 90s going on the right one. Nobody would say that I'm not a good dude or what I'm not. Well, I think Will and Patrick would.

And the ghost of God. Yeah. And the ghost of God. Yeah, and the ghost of God. Tyler, man. I got a couple of people who call you a fucking dicker. Scopo, am I nice to you, Scopo? Well, you're the best of me. Mike Brown. No, you came to the outliers after the...

Did I not? A wood cross. And no quads. Yeah. No quads. What are we gonna say when you're fucking scream at them with those big hands? Look at me am I fucking nice to you What the fuck hey look at me look at me you fucking my good

Do you go you good you good don't hurt me Bobby? Who who carried your bowling alley? Who helped you carry the whole bowling alley? Ballin alley? Who helped you carry the fucking bowling alley? What the nails in it? Right, yeah, you kept me up. I bought a bowling alley. I bought a bowling alley.

I made it, I wanted to, that's a lot of money, man. You know the desk. You got bowling alley money? I got bowling alley. I got the same money as you. Listen, I wanted to, that's a lot of money man. You know the desk? You got bowling alley money. You got bowling alley. I got the same money as you. Listen, I wanted to, you know the big long 10, I needed a 10 foot desk. Okay.

And this truck flipped over with bowling alley is in it in Brooklyn. And they needed to be 25 by 10 feet. And they actually, the were in it. Money bowling alley. I had to go to Brooklyn. What about the Ferris wheel I helped you carry? Yeah, I'm pretty funny.

Dante fucking met me there, called me back, helped me bring this shit into my house. Jesus. You got a bowling alley? My desk is actually all over the bowling alley. I know, I know. I'm a bunch of go to Westchester. Yeah, but I thank you.

How much did I feed you? Yes, you fed me, but I'm seeing it wasn't, you know, I didn't do it for the feed. You asked me and I was like, I'm there. I carry Ridge Vos is fucking red mill Ridge Vos sounds like a place you've been P. R. Vos I'm playing Ridge Vos this weekend Today team today team hole Course carried his his

Fucking wife and child Uh, his fucking wife and child. No. Uh, treadmill. Treadmill up. Three things. Three things. Three things. Or my back form.

Right, but you wonder why you have no quad. Stop it, I'm gonna make you feel like a real white rally. Carre-boy-crab rally. You're gonna die. I'm gonna die. All right, listen, this has been a fantastic show. I appreciate this is, this is, I mean, I did, we get, I mean, I hope we got the funny back

You're gonna get another letter from Joe. I'm kidding Dan I want you to go home. I want you to get some sleep. Do we have any ads? I have to read oh no just If you want to do the regular I real quick go go to the join, you know, right cast subscribe review us on iTunes If you don't already If you listen to the show and you don't subscribe and review, you're a fucking idiot. That's the way I'm saying it. Yeah, that's just, you know, thank you Ian and Heather and everybody who donates the show, even though nobody else does besides you too.

I'm just kidding. But anyways, you guys were awesome. Thank you so much. Amazon, what else? Anything else? Amazon. Amazon, yeah, if you can find that add tweak You know you do go pre-order my special on robocadolive.com Go to the merch page on rikas.com and buy a YKWD T-shirt on my new robocadolive T-shirt go buy a couple of those This has been a great show. I really appreciate it. Dante. I want you to go get surgery. Yeah, Friday next Friday

Will you come back on after your surgery? Absolutely. You know all you got to do is ask. I'll come. All right, great. Both braces on my legs. All right, what if I do a show at you, Will, and Patrick? I don't know.

Oh, that's a fuck. You know, one of them would be like, nah. I think that'd be great episode. You want to be on it? No, I hate conflict. I don that'd be great. You want to be on it? No, I hate conflict. I don't want nobody else. Yeah, home coming through all those positive tweets at me. Yeah, Dan, I need you to go home and take some thorough flow.

I'm working on it. I can buy it. Call Dr. Steve. I'm going to give you his number. Yeah, you call Steve a hooky up. Mike. Yeah. What's up, buddy? Yeah, what's up buddy?

Comedy Allies podcast, holla. Hala, holla, holla, holla, blap, blap, blap. I'm not doing gun sounds anymore, man. You know me and Brandon been talking about trying to get more corporate, so... Smart. Right? Comedy Allies podcast on iTunes, go search it.

Dollar Shave Club doesn't like blap, blap. Yeah, I know, I know, they don't. They don't. Also, yeah, Dollar Shave Club, I like their raises I use this. And um, no, I mean, it they don't they don't also a yeah dollar shave club. I like their raises. I use this and um No, I mean it's good because you get charged so much money when buying your raises like at the store and they could just send it to your house It's oh, it's awesome. Um also Robert Kelly live calm go get yourself a baseball shirt Yeah, I love Mike. I mean Mike. I think I'm gonna make your regular you drop Brian from your act. Huh?

I think I'm gonna make your regular. You drop Brian from your act. Huh? Nothing. Right. Right. Right. Yeah, yeah. And shout out to Will, you know, I mean,

some people don't understand. It's like, this is my thing about joke, joke that though. Cause it's like charging somebody with rape, accusing somebody with rape. Like, you kind of don't know, it's like, I don't know how to do it. It's not one of those things. Well, when, when that episode, I'm gonna be here,

just watch it. It's 36 people. Maybe we'll put that, maybe we'll put that episode together if they want to do it I think it's not gonna do it. Yeah, that we're gonna do it. We'll see what happens I would because I'm not lying and nobody wants to be Are you gonna keep coming out? You guys are you gonna have this break? I haven't take it. All right. What do you get to promote? Base Phillips show, which is one of the fucking that show ataya

Because I'm one of the guys who owns the network. Yes, it's it's it's doing great. Yeah, it really is. When I was a great addition to the network, beige Philip show on broadcast.com. Yeah, it's a great show. So make sure you check that out. So I'm really thankful for for letting me come on. Great. You're doing great. The show's doing great. Also, I, well, I got two more episodes on Black List episode next week, episode 13 and episode 15. Right. Um, uh, I got a boxing movie coming

to end of the year once I peel up and, right, drop 60 pounds. Um, and, uh, I got a movie coming out with, um, 60. Yeah. Are you are you gonna take your earring and bracelet off? I got a movie coming out call no B so fierce right coming out this year romcom Ruff love Ruff All right, and I got a move Andy film coming out called nymphets. Yeah, and Oh, and I'm doing the I'm doing phone consultations

From from base for the show save me Dante at gmail.com That's great. I will tell you how to handle your bitch. She's a crash. You bitches out of pocket. I don't know if blacklist people are gonna enjoy that I've got the greatest news. Remember that episode of Blacklist Rewatch for us? Like, I love that Simone felt, huh? Turns out he has a service where I can call him and consultate on why you need to fucking operate. So listen, what do you got, Dan?

At the end of the Twitter, Philadelphia, albeit helium and Philly, mid-March. Great club. Yeah, I really be at Helium and Philly mid-March. Great club. Yeah, I really want to sell it out. Awesome, sell it out, man. Make sure you let him know you heard him from, I could have even know he has, I was fucking made your own fan.

They're all from here, baby. What do you got, Michael? Oh, yeah, I was up my brown at, you know my brown on Twitter, come to Comedy Outliers, show us ComedyOutliers.com, and you got a podcast piece. Okay, what do you got, Scopo?

Just at Twitter, at Chris Scopo. I'm gonna find my phone home. All right, is this it right here? Yeah, that's me. Okay. All right, Scopo was supposed to have my shit ready. He is just the dumbest fucking person I know. Literally, I mean, he waits, I went around,

we talked to Mike, like he knows him and in the show and he doesn't fucking, it's just, I mean, waits he look I went around we talked to Mike like he knows I'm ending the show and he doesn't fucking it's just I mean it's the I could have done this person. I know you have the common sense of a fucking old lady. All right, so Bobby is going To be At the Oh, yeah, that's right. All right, well, I'll intend draft house tonight. Supposedly. Yeah, tomorrow. Tomorrow night.

Yeah, March 20th. Yeah. I'm a happy theater in St. Petersburg. Boom. Do that. That's what Jim Norton and, uh, actually, Arty Lang, big show. Marge. Marge.

With, uh, Mike Calder show. Go ahead. March 27th, 28th, the comedy works Albany. Yep. March, uh, May 14th, 15th, 16th, Lath Boston. There you go. So make sure you, uh you buy tickets to those shows. Go now. Don't fucking wait. Go pre-automized special robakelylive.com. This has been a fucking unbelief, 10, okay? Okay. We're gonna get the end of in the world. Fucking make sure you support all these guys in the show. Support everybody on

the network and we'll see you next week on the YKWD! You're listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh You