Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - One Boob Friday

Episode Date: December 13, 2016

This week on YKWD: We have Greg Stone, Anthony Devito, and Liza Treyger! We talk about BJ Cafe's sprouting up around the world. Greg shares with the audience a particular love of beef. We also meet a man who has hit a wall, comedically (Dan Ahrens) . Watch / Lizten and enjoy! Also, hit up Liza, as she's feeling frisky. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a cost-defying podcast. No rules. I'm talking to the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it. Can I get a microphone? No, what the fuck?

That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, yapping. Sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's that no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin. That's how it all holds the-

That's your mother part, huh? I don't want to do anything. My podcast is popular enough where I might affect somebody's life. You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on whitecast.com. I might affect somebody's life. You never know What's going on man? I'm getting nothing. I'm getting nothing on this thing today.

How we doing over there? We good? I think we're great, buddy. Are you sure? I'm getting nothing over there, too. It's very low. What are you talking about? Say something.

Say something. Say something. Boom, it's like this. Fat green lines, baby. Fat green lines. All right, well, that's all we want, I guess. We're here in another YKWD weeks before Santa is coming to town. You celebrate Santa?

I used to when I was a kid, I would get like a nice little present here and there, but no. We're only in it for the commercial element. You? Yeah. No, I mean, did your family believe in Santa Claus? Absolutely not. They don't. No.

They don't believe that you have a Christmas tree? Do you think my very practical Indian family is going to be like, listen, like for like five years pretend the sand is existing along with our religion? That is the greatest description of Indian people ever practical. They're very practical. 347-9A3-YKWD. What is that? 347-9A3-YKWD. That's our number.

If you want to call in tonight, we'll be taking some calls. 347-9A3-YKWD. WD that's our number if you want to call in tonight. We'll be taking some calls 347 983 why KWD make it important don't you know look I love you if you call in hand love the show good have a question or You know say something more than I love the show say you know that love you Bobby and your lips Yeah, that's a tail is old as time and radio right you just get callers I just say they love the show and then they've nothing else to it really is. Well, yeah, well, yeah, I mean, first time caller a long time listener, that's normally the I wish I had a seat that I can put your button and your seat would just fall through the floor down to the basement of the comedy seller

while somebody was on stage. We have the next thing, you have the bomb, Dana, you can just head it. Now, I didn't want to get not,, not even a bomb, that was just infuriating. Anyways, we got a bunch of stuff going on this today. Who's on the show? We'll, we have Anthony DeVito. Anthony DeVito, who I love, very funny guy. Back on the show, he's been on before, right? I don't think so. Are you sure?

Oh, Anthony DeVito, yes, this is his first time. Oh, good, good. I didn't tell him. Sorry about that. You're gonna mention that you saw his roast battle a long time ago, right? And he tried to be tried being nice. Yes, he tried being, well, no.

Well, we'll talk about it. We'll actually show up. I gotta see his face. We also have to, yeah, just to confirm. We also have his best friend, Greg Stone. That shoe was on the show before. Yes. Greg Stone was on the show before,

which he's very funny. Good guy too. Who else? Hellyria's guy, Greg, and they're both, they both have a podcast together called the Red Dude cast, which is a Hilarious show. And we also have Lisa Trager on the show today. We're supposed to have Christie Chellow.

Girl. Yep, your girl. But she, she fell ill. She fell ill. What's that noise? She fell ill downstairs. After her show, she was doing something up here. We're not gonna say what, but she fell ill downstairs. After her show, she was doing something up here. We're not gonna say what, but she fell ill.

Start a puke in maybe a little sickness. She used this microphone. Yeah, if I get sick, I'm gonna fucking kill somebody. You didn't clean the mic after she used it, did you? Just say no. No, I did not. But. But nothing.

After every time, after every time somebody uses a mic, you did not. But. But nothing. Because we did it. After every time. Yeah. After every time somebody uses a mic, you clean it. When you walk in the studio, you clean the mics. Okay. All right, baby, don't. Got you, Bill. I, I Lauren? We've been nice right?

Hi Bobby. Oh my god. This is perfect Christy child music. Hi Bobby, I just want to say, I just want to say, I, oh Bobby, I don't, I don Oh, I'm gonna come up with my own show. I love you, too, Bobby. You know, she's so cute. That was pretty good, Christy Chelo. Thank you, man.

No, me. Oh, oh, I think I'm at the music. No, the music's good, but my Christy Chelo was all right. So, tonight's show is gonna be, I love Liza. She's awesome, anyway, so I'm glad to get it back on the show. You guys listen to live. We got a bunch of stuff to talk about tonight. What else the fuck, wouldn't it?

Well, we should get some some quick business out of the way. Yes. All of us on our social media platforms or Facebook, our Twitter Instagram and our YouTube page. Use our Amazon link through our website. Yes. To, you know, make all your Christmas purchases this winter. Yes. Yeah, use that website.

That's great. And to get the app, the rubber code is, you know, what dude app on iOS, Google Play Store, and you're sitting like that. Why don't you take a seat? You look like an asshole or camera. And we set up, we spend hours setting everything up and you're leaning on a fucking couch chair. I'm very excited. I'm very excited for this show today. I'm excited too. So sit down and let's have fun.

There was a day in a summer school before the fourth grade. Yeah. And like it was an English or a media class. And I remember I actually got up on the table because I loved to stand up so much. Really? Yeah. And like my teacher kind of like encouraged it like yeah, two more of that. Really? Yeah. Well, consider you in the more of that. So really? Yeah.

Well, consider you in the real world now. Sit the fuck down. Yeah. You're making me uncomfortable. I'll try. Do you really like to stand up, we get you a long mic from the stand. Can I get more of that, can I get one of those

standing desks, that's the new trend? Oh, those are great. Are they? Can you get the ball over here? The bouncy ball? No. We just deplete all the funds for our fucking furniture on the show. Yeah, we just empty everything to get a fucking bouncy ball. And I do like that desk though. That desk, I mean as far as get

have room for that fucking thing. You don't think that's just like a trend a little what's the word for that? No, because when you're writing it's always good to just get up and stand up and let that blood flow. Yeah, you just touch that button pop it right up. You know what it is that, where is that? Just show me that, I wanna see that desk. What is that called? I love that standing desk, I would love to get that.

But it doesn't cost like 10 grand or something weird, you know? Well some of them are automated. Like you can like have a switch and like raise it. Have you seen the desk where you actually, it's like you're sitting in a spaceship. And they have three computer screens. Have you seen the desk where you actually, it's like you're sitting in a spaceship? No. And they have three computer screens

and you're kind of lying down and it can swivel up and it can swivel back down into a zero gravity position. That's the same body. That's fucking, it's like the one, remember our grandma's boy, grandma's boy, with Nick Schwarzen and remember the evil fucking Dutian that remember that screeny hand. Yeah, the desk. Yeah, we were lying down just barely. Yeah, let's see this What is this this ties into what Paul Verzy was saying last week about how you always get the latest thing?

Dude it comes at in 2020 is the standing that's good? Show does it have the standing part? I mean I just Standing Wow, I don't know know it's not yeah. Yeah, scrolled down. There it is right there baby. Oof. I think yeah that actually raises up. Yeah I think I'm right but here's the thing you might need a desktop.

Somebody just showed me this is the problem too with Apple. Fucking Apple. It's just shitting the bed. Yeah. Is it cause Steve Jobs died? Is that what you think? Yeah it's Steve Jobs. They have no fucking innovation.

Nobody there is fucking creating anything worthwhile. They made headphones, they took their shitty headphones that nobody liked anyways, and they made them wireless. You couldn't redesign the fucking head. Really, you don't have a fucking asshole artist in there that came in with a different sketch. You just cut the wires off of them, you fucking idiot. Fuck you, man.

Come on, I fucking put my blood, sweat, and tears in your fucking, I waited in the line. From many of iPhones, I fucking defended you against Samsung fucking idiots. Yeah, man. You know, and then here you are, I fucking, not one innovation. The new Microsoft computer that's coming out,

the desktop, the touchscreen, off the charts. I might switch back. I might switch back to fucking PC. How's that sound? That's what you got me. You're telling me, you don't have a desktop with touch screen. You're telling me, you're a lab, your MacBook Pro has a bar of this big that you screw a little tiny. That's the touchscreen. Yeah. You fucking peered. That's weird. It's sad too. It's sad as shit.

And then Microsoft is coming up with a, it's a desktop this big. Automatically stands up straight. Automatically you take a ball and put it on the, fuck you. It's like my no-retry report. That new thing. It is.

It is. And then they got the VRr the samsung vr I mean they're on top of the get what is what does apple have what the fuck do they have name the the thing that they came out with what and up a aesthetic no seriously I want I'm not a little snarky comment I don't want you to a troll come on you really the answer me what has apple done what has apple done? What has Apple done? Name one thing. My chance now. I hate her. Hi. Yeah. Did you say? I mean, yes, they did. I don't mean in general. I don't mean over the fucking 12 over history. You at all. Oh my god. Don't ever

I didn't I was asking You fucking put it in I do it. Oh anyways, I'm off the guy to ask. I was asking for a stamp and you fucking put it in. I do. Anyways. Listen, I'm not the guy to ask, because I'm a PC guy throwing through. Look, I'm an Apple guy throwing through, but they're really fucking just shitting the bed over there. Stupid eye.

If they get nothing good, those braggie headphones, the best. Yeah. Because they're upgradable. Everything wrong with them, they fixed. And they keep fixing. Keep adding shit. I do this and I answer the phone.

I do this, I don't answer the phone. I touch my cheek and it, it, it gets seary. It's crazy. It has four gigabyte hard drive in this right side. I don't even need my phone. I can just upload music or podcasts to one headphone and just go out. I can jump in a pool with them.

I go on the shower with them. It has my heart rate and the other one. I mean, it's crazy. It has a transparency mode where I can hear everything outside. So I don't have to take them out to talk to the cab driver or the people at the airport. I can just swipe it and listen to everybody and hear them better than I hear them in regular life. And Apple, what do you got? What do you got? You got headphones that don't even, they're not even available when you said they're gonna be available.

Something happened, you won't let us in on that. Cause you see, yeah, you're fucking, you're the Illuminati, you're fucking horse shit, right? You're building a spaceship out there. Oh, someone in chat says that Apple came up with OLED displays. Is that what the fuck is that? I think that's like a very crisp, very highly

pixelated. Okay, here's the thing. Okay, that's good for you. What are you taking pictures of birds? What do you get a fuck? I don't give a fuck about that. I want something that floats in the air. I want something that goes on my wrist. I want something that projects on a wall. I want the next thing. Yeah. And Apple used to deliver that. No, no, now the same design iPhone for the last fucking three years suck it. Anyway, so let's move on. Let's go to Good Fan Bad Fan. That always makes me feel better.

Somebody actually wrote a thing. What was the thing or they wrote? We've gotten, okay, so we've gotten two tweets about Good Fan Bad Fan about how we should rename it Good Fan, debt fan, like debt fan from last comic standing, remember that guy? And yeah, I thought about that like the moment I came up with the segment,

but like I always thought, that's too easy of a direction to go. Yeah, you know, but I do have a, we are gonna bring an Asian guy one day with your permission to read the bad or the good. Yes. Well, let's do some good fan. Yeah, so let's do that.

Good fan bad fan, yes. Do your off sides. Yes, let's do some good. Yeah, so that good fan bad for it. Yes All right, yeah, it's literally the worst but it makes it the best if you don't get the irony in that if you don't Understand it like that stinks. Yeah, we know like Picasso. Hey don't get it yet I did get it. We don't get it yet. That's funny now. All right. I mean, if you were like, dude, it's good fan, it's good fan and bad fan. Like, I don't know, switch them up. Listen, I have, I have very weird specific music orgasms

and that's what I make. Hey, there you go. Let's live with them. All right, so our first good fan leaves a five-star review on Stitcher by Nolan. He says, awesome show. Always funny. I've never skipped an episode

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. That's a good fan That's what you get you get the was it three bells or four? I think it's four Four you know that's from that sound effect. Grease Kevin. No, it's from it's a an or an airport in Portugal Portugal Portugal Portugal? Portugal. Why Portugal? Oh. It's Portugal a place I'm blanking right now. Portugal. Portugal.

Yeah, and Portuguese. Ah, yes. Anyways, that was a good one. I like that. Good fan. Yeah, there you go. You get the four bells of heaven. That's what we're going to call them.

The four bells of heaven. That's what you, good comments get you to heaven and you get to hear those bells. And bad fan. They go straight to hell with into the penalty box. We're going to come up with a new one. But yeah, it's going to be some little more. What's up? Bad fan. Give it to me. Our first bad fan is by Lowsky 21. Yeah. It gives a one star review and iTunes. Woof. Wow, one star.

Yeah. By really gonna hate something, give it a one star. I mean, you, I mean, at a restaurant in Yelp it has to be food poisoning. Yeah, they have to shit on your plate. For you, I mean, like a hair, like a pub, like a curly hair.

And bad attitude from the service. Yeah, to get a one star anywhere, it has to be like, oh my God, like really? Like, the way that told you grandma that it go fuck herself and then took his dick out on her shoulder. Anyway, he says the title is annoying as hell and the body is everyone just talks over each other. Well, we got to come up with a, I mean, it doesn't make me feel that one doesn't. We need another fight like a real good one. I think I have a second one for a bad thing.

Let's try it. Let's try the second one. I mean, yeah, I don't know where you got the voices in my head. I don't know how you got that, but yeah, that's way better. Here we go. Good fan. All right, our second good fan is by anonymous. He says, great show.

My favorite podcast, great quality and availability. Isn't that nice, Bob? I love it. I love it. I think that's great. You're going to heaven. There he is. Good for you.

Now we got one more bad fan. One more bad fan. Our second bad fan says it's by M Bulldog in 2011. So this is an older view. Oh my God, you had to go way back. Oh yeah, there's so few better views. Is it really? Yeah, there's not many.

That's great. He says, Bobbi needs lessons on how to not breathe into the mic and how to smoke while recording, but not let everyone hear it. Ah, that's when I smoked. That's what I really. I apparently haven't learned how to breathe in the microphone, but that is so funny.

Did you smoke while doing the podcast? Yeah, we did it in my house, me and my wife. When we lived on 47th, between 9th and 10th, we used to, at my kitchen table, we do the podcast. Kelly for Sturgo would come over. Hello. Hello, Bobby. I'm gonna be a little light, Bobby.

She come over set up with me, and then we put the banner up and then What's his name? Derozo Joe. We come over Dan. We come over. We all smoked all the smoke in my liver my wife smoked We fucking we used to just smoking that little house. Madman. Oh, it was the best. Oh me and my wife smoking was the best We'd sit there until fucking two in the morning just smoking fucking reading fucking shit on the internet watching movies, right in the house, like fucking, like fucking adults. I'm thinking about picking on smoking, should I start?

Yes. I mean, I love smoking. If it was up to me, I'd smoke forever, but I usually can't. Well, I just found out my wife's been smoking again. Oh, no. Oh, no. Well, the best writers are smokers.

That's why I wanna be a smoke. Well, I smoke cigars, but I might have to stop that too, because there's something wrong with my, the last week, there's been something wrong with my throat. Yeah. And I don't know what it is. And it's like I can feel, you know, I like, it's like, it feels like somebody clogging my throat

and I can feel my heartbeat in my neck. You should probably get that checked out. Are we gonna get our last gig? I'm waiting a minute slow down, you fucking... Really? Sorry dude. I mean, what if I die, what do you got? I got good reviews to read all day, baby.

I'm serious. You know, and then my wife said, nobody gives a fuck, here's the thing. Nobody gives a fuck. I do. Well, you you do I told Jim Sherbroko I go Jim You know, I have something wrong. I throw it. I hope it's not you know throw cancer. He goes ha that'd be great What No, I don't know there's anything great about that well I'm sure he's saying I'm sure he's saying that it would be

It's not you're an idiot I'm sure he's saying that it would be, it's not you're an idiot. He's that's his way of saying you're dumb. Unless he would be funny to, you know, to maybe be good for something. But my wife's like, just go to the door, she doesn't give a shit, you don't give a fuck. My mother doesn't give a shit,

you know, gives a shit, my grandmother. But she's in a home and Lauren goes to shit, you don't give a shit. Everyone gives a shit, Bob. Everyone gives a shit, my grandmother. But she's in a home, and Lauren, Lauren gives a shit. You don't give a shit. Everyone gives a shit, Bob. Everyone gives a shit. All right, move on, I get it. You're right, you're right. Shout the fuck out.

You wouldn't get really upset about cancer, you don't have? And we're like, what do you want? All right, all right. You know what you said something good. You're right, you're right. So let's start the show. Who do we got coming up today?

We already mentioned the guest. But who's coming up right now? Does she know anything? She just ran out. Yeah. I want to talk about this blow job cafe. Hell yes. Oh my God. Unbelievable.

Robots, I've been saying, look, I've been saying robots. You're going to be with fuck robots in our lifetime. You're going to be able to, as a man lonely, you have a girl, a wife, whatever, maybe not, maybe you got nobody, and you're gonna have the option, you're gonna have the option to bang a robot, a life-sized robot, something that looks real, not like R2D2, I'm talking a Taiwanese girl

that blinks a red head, whatever you want, you pick it, and we're gonna, hi guys, how you doing? I'm talking about fucking robots, great? Can you introduce everybody real quick? Joining us right now are a great stone and Anthony to be out. Anthony. Hi, buddy. How are you doing? Good to see you man How you doing? You're over here Anthony. Sorry about that We're talking about this new you know, I've been saying for a long time that we're gonna be able to bang robots very soon And I'm talking robots that a very realistic Yeah, they got this thing a blowjob cafe

That's huge, okay, you can go in yeah, and just Get you dick sucked. Yeah, buy a robot By like a redhead is there a problem? Is there like an issue people are saying no? I mean here, but morally of course people gonna be like, you're as piece of shit. That's like, you know, I mean, cause you're going in and I'm wondering what rights, like there's gonna be rights. Yeah.

I mean, it's not a human, it's not a woman. Yeah. But if you, you know, you can't, you know what I mean? And if it's got AI, you know, if it's actually an intelligent, alive thing, all right, think about it. But other than that, it's just a robot. I mean, I used to fuck steaks. You know, I'm sorry, kid.

Hang on a second. Yeah. Hang on, I'm not. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know, fuck to steak. What? Because I have a steak history too.

Yeah. So, I didn't, I didn't. Did you mean fuck steaks up or just? No. Oh, I mean, I fuck some steaks up in my life. But in, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I up or just not? Oh, I mean, I fuck some stakes up in my life. But in high school, some kid was like, two, you put two stakes in a microwave and it feels just like a vagina.

Wait a minute, stop. We're kind of, we gotta go back. I need to know. First of all, this is a break. I come in hot. This is a break. You're coming in hot hot. Microwave hot.

Well, here's the thing, I want to go back because the question, I hate when people talk about stuff like this and they don't give the details. Because then I'm wondering what steak to buy. How long can you leave in the microwave? Yeah. You know what I mean, someone can get hurt. And I don't want to ever get hurt.

What type of, I mean, is it a Delmonico? Is it a, is it, is it, is it, is it, is it, is it, Well, we used to have a meat delivery guy in my house, my stepfather would get like, Would you live in the 40s? We don't milk man, and we get in the same town. Yeah. What the fuck?

My stepdad for some reason would get like wholesale meats, and we had like a freezer full of meat. Was he blowing the meat guy? Well, I mean, I was blowing the meat. I mean, I'm not. So, so you had all. Where did you grow up first of all? Bloomfield.

We both went to high school together. Bluefield. Bluefield, New Jersey. You were a block up at a Newark, and East Orange. Okay. And then then so you had a meek delivery guy You had like a meek guy, yeah, okay? Hey, I'm a guy and Sorry, this is a guest who's coming on the show. Hey buddy. How are you? Good to see you man?

Um, hey what's up, man? Greg Sorry, there you go. So anyways, you had a meat guy. We had a meat guy. So they delivered how much meat? I mean, you must have had a lot of meat to be able to fuck it. So what? That may have a special.

Did you have like the extra fridge in the garage? Yeah, we had the fridge in the basement. Oh, you said, I always with jealous of those families who had an extra fridge for food. You know what I mean? I never had that. I never had a fucking, I had one fridge upstairs, what was in it, what was in it.

When I go to my friend's house and there'd be like some garage fridge or a basement fridge and there was extra food. And there was always like extra little treats. Now we had no treats. Just meat. We had no treats. My stepdad was like Sergeant Slotter,

he was like just like, we do this, and this is we are regimented to meat, and we need to have things of the apocalypse. Go down, hang on, one second. Shannon, it might be downstairs. We go downstairs. I think that beeping is for us. I'm in the cell.

All right, take it and call her. She's the last number I dialed. I left my bag over at fucking gas digital, which is a guy's house. That's the way I am, right? Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, I know this is somebody who was, but it's not anymore. is a guy's house. That's the way it is, right? Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, I know this is somebody who was,

but it's not anymore. This is an actual studio. There's literally food in a fridge. Talk about not the Segway into food in the fridge is what this, you can literally make a sandwich against digital. You're taking from someone who lives there. I'm about to.

So, I left my bag over there that come with a panicking about because everything's in it. Anyways, I shouldn't announce that because they're probably rummaging through it. So yeah, like, so you had this fridge in the basement or in the basement garage. Basement. Full of just meat. Just meat and like that. Well, it can be full of just meat because you have a fridge right? You can't just put meat in that. It wasn't big. No, it was just a freezer. A freezer. See, we got to get see this. See now, see, this one I'm talking about.

Yes. Some guy who wants to fuck steaks, might have just put it in the fridge, and then it goes bad. To where you're going, yes, I had to. Right. Right? I had to actually defrost the steaks before I fucked them. And this is before, like,

see, how did you microwave it? Did you take the time to let it hang on the counter? So here's the, I can't even tell you. Yeah. Sky and high school goes, you fuck two steaks, right? Wait a minute, did he sell Van Hanley tickets? What the, is this fast time to rip a high? Listen, yeah, I got two stank chicken fond of.

Now it's up to your discretion on how far you want me to go with this story. I want you to go all the way. All the way, what, what, what I? M. P. R. fucking stabbing the fear, faggot. So the stakes were I didn't have to defrost them myself. There was some reason there was they were out. I was like, two stakes, two stakes right for the love-making, you know, so I grabbed them. I bring them down to the basement where I had a room. Hang on, working off this song stuff. Do you want a lot or a lower?

I want it, you can't make them, we'll have this whole new thing, we're trying to add it. It's out of, you gotta put it so it's not making me not hear him. It's gotta be a sound bed, which means it's in bed. It's not, yeah, not a blanket, it's a bed. Gotcha.

So turn it up and then, like, well, let's get it. Let's get hang on That's rain. Oh Little bit Laura little bit Right there. Yeah, let's see you get some the guy says what to you very Italian The guy says the guy having a tie in accent. She's gonna have an Italian. You saw my face been changed for the time He goes listen you want to you want to have a good time You're gonna stay as you take these two states, right? You attach them together. You make love Attach them whoa stop now the word you have to be how do you attach it with your hands?

No, no, no, no, there's no like there's no fucking bread ties You're not getting a shit like a t-shirt ripping the collar off and using that Put your spine. Yeah, not like there's no there's no bungees You place them in between my asshole So you take two steaks so you take two steaks, right? He's like you fuck them. They're just like it's like a real it tastes like it feels like a real vagina taste You have to eat Makes you so you have to eat the steak you fuck now. I want to go back a little bit

See you go up you're on the base me you get a couple steaks See, you go up, you go down the base, and you get a couple of steaks. Now are you taking out, are you looking, like I wanna fuck this way? Are you choosing hookers? Like I don't, I fucked that one, I want that one. I want a lot of fat around the end. I'm in the fat steaks. You know, you gotta smell them.

It's like a fun, I like them with a good body, great legs. So you take the steaks out. Take the steaks. You're gonna fuck, right? I mean, yeah. Now, are you nice? You can say, look, those two stakes right there, people should eat those. And these two, you know what?

These bullshit stakes, I'm gonna fuck these ones. Do you have a heart when you do it? Or you just like, fuck them. I'm fucking the best stakes in there. I grabbed the stakes that we're gonna go into the garbage. I was like, oh, these are gonna go into the garbage because they were being left out. So I think that's right. So they were warm already. So they were warm and ready. See, your father just left them. Now, you sure he didn't fuck them?

So he was, he showed nobody. Why were they warm and ready? I don't want to. I don't want to spoil the ending on this. Okay. So I say come down. First of all, I last two seconds. The idea of fucking a steak to me is so exciting. Right, right, right. So, right. This is like, this is gonna be so great. Legitimately, it would like- Can I ask a really quick question? Is it still a little cold?

Like, you know what I mean? Is it warm on the outside, but just kind of the edges of cold, so it's like, you get two sensations? I didn't microwave them. Oh, you did, so it's warm. I did microwave them, they were. So it's like a hot pussy. It I didn't microwave. Oh, you did. So it's more. So it's like a hot pussy. It was like a burning hot.

You know what I mean? I'm fucking the Lord of the Sun. This is a Apollo I'm getting right in the asshole. So you're so hot. Yeah, I've got it up. No, it's a fucking radio show. It's 9.30 at night. I've just been holding the dump button for the last two minutes.

He's doing sound effects on his phone. Oh yeah, it's a PPS, right? Yeah, there's a number one afternoon midnight show on fucking Tuesdays. Yeah, it's a fucking weird dude walking with a cane halfway through. He's security. All right, so wait a minute, where do you take these stakes?

In my room, under the blankets. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Who's home? Everybody's home. How many people?

How many people? Brother, sister, step dad, mom, dogs. Okay, so the dog. Did you have to cut a piece off for the dogs? I get out of it. Let me tell you something, when you're fucking two steaks, two dogs are surrounding.

They are like sharks just circling around the bed, waiting for any of the scraps to fall off. And they're just waiting watching you fuck. Just jerk off of the steaks like this. The tail's a fucking wiggling. So I make, so I put it in. Wait a minute, stop. You get the steaks, right right and this they go on the trash

Take your hand off your crotch, please I can't The most exciting is exciting me too So you take the stakes now you sneak now you put them under your shirt. How do you get them to your room? Well, that was the thing everyone was in there. I just took them and brought them downstairs So nobody was there they were like doing other things there in the house, but they're doing other things Yeah, yeah. So you just, you confidently grabbed these steaks

or you sneak them. That's a thing. This is also 24 years ago. Don't, listen, nobody's gonna fucking know. You did a lie. We're not going, what do you think we're going back and having a, he's a historian. He's like, it's like, it's like pond stars.

I have a guy with a dumb hat come in and go, well, I don't think this is a true story. Listen, so you get the stakes into your room. You got to use your confl, I'm imagine you walk up, they're hanging out, you just grab them, like they yours. They're mine, like your schoolbooks. Like your schoolbooks. The same way I do with a woman, I say,

you're coming home with me tonight. And those stakes say, all right. And they're like, all right say all right I was waiting for you to ask you to beat the stakes. All right ready? Hey big boy how are you? So you looking at me next at the blender? I couldn't help but look at you you're such a big lugging off. I'm lugging off. Well, at the time I was a rollerblader, so I was very in shape. See, oh my God, yeah. I dial you roll over here. Those abs, so to die for a big boy.

So, uh, bring them down. Yeah, so you bring them into your room. You're downstairs. At the time, no pornography. We'd have the internet. There was no internet. So we had magazines. I had a pamphlet for a magazine.

So it was like one of those catalogues you order that other porno from. So, and I had magazines. I had a pamphlet for a magazine. So it was like one of those catalogs you order that other porno from. So when I had one, I just jumped over. I have this whole thing in my act now, because it hit me around a year ago, porn is free. Yeah, sure, but all of it. Not just, all of it.

Every fucking piece of shit thing ever filmed. Yep. all of it. Every fucking piece of shit thing ever filmed. All of it. You can literally, and I've done it. I've typed in kidnap. And it's there. Uncle, put Uncle left. It comes out. Sister, gunpoint, poker,

fucking fun beach gunpoint kidnap. There's a fucking porn. And you know what? It's free, but when we were younger, we earned it. Yes. We earned it. We were creative. We had a picture for reference only, and we shut those eyes and wrap that steak around

our cars. We were trying to draw your own. I used to try to draw my own porn, but I couldn't draw. It was horrible. I was like, these are like, these are like, some moves. Yeah.

There's pictures somewhere kind of sex and my mom has thrown out because they're gone. So my mom threw them out somewhere. It's a picture, it's a picture you're cousins, pussy. I mean, sorry. It's your mother's cousin. This is Christine. So, so, so you take the stage, you go to the idea room, Sorry. It's your wife's cousin. Is this Christine? So you take the stakes, you go to the out of your room,

you're getting the shut the door. You got to fight, you got to kick a dog off, right? No, I let him watch. Oh, everybody. So the dog lover, there was no door in the basement. So you could just go down, but it was like, it was also flooded all the time. That's where the boiler was. That's where the boiler was. Ooh, that's where the freezer was.

Why is it? You're a dirty boy. A dirty dog, dirty. You're a dirty little dungeon boy. Yeah, I mean, that was a dirty boy. Little flooded, flooded Freddy Krueger little place, huh? Dirty boy. What a scene.

Yes. You have flooded basement. Dogs barking. You have two sticks. You can hear the dogs coming because of the water. Oh, yeah So yeah, so you down there with the stakes. Yeah, I'm down now. What now listen now. What are you wearing? Oh my god? I'm wearing sweatpants. No, no something something sensuous like what like khakis Bathing suit on or something. Oh, that's hot. I'm debating too, I don't know something. You have to retire.

That's hot. How old are you? I was probably like, I don't know from eight to 12. Wait a minute. You fucking, you had up as young. Dude, you fuck steaks for four years. Four years?

No, not for four years. That's a year. First of all, that's when we were trying to raise money for Somalia. Yeah. You know, we were having food age. And you're in the basement, you white privilege fucking cock sucker. I think they had commercials that were like, if we just had 20 more steak.

That's 20. That was like, that was like, that was like, Alec Bobbler, we need to stop fucking steak. And so, you know, America, all new boys have sex with their food That's much food, but if you can just stand and send through your fuck steaks a day I only I only tried it once but I was guessing I was around that age from eight to twelve I don't know maybe I was maybe so wasn't it was no it wasn't one two steaks like that forever If I keep going there's a fucking stake. I know it's Gary next door.

That cock sucker. This is shitty creepy son fucking stakes with the dogs. So, you go on the basement. So I go on the basement. You know, you got these stakes, they're nice and hot. Uh-huh. Right? Now, what else do you got?

And nothing else. All I got is pamphlet from a thing that I had hidden in a report card in a Sonic the Hedgehog video game That was stuffed into a hole in my mattress So there's multiple things you had to go through to find the secret three pages. We had Wow, so we get down there. Yeah, do we we who's we me my dick the stakes Bobby the team So I I do

I do my thing at one point though I did try I I did cry. I was bitching the dogs. I part of the team still want to eat it. Dogs are trying to dogs, of course they know. So I put them in between, at one point I think I put them in between a mattress and the bed frame. Oh, nice. So you built of a vagina. Yeah, built it as a human.

What's that baby? Hey. Please, please, did introduce our beautiful guest and just joining us right now is Lisa Trigger. Lisa, we're mid story. Let me just bring you up to speed, babe. He, he fuck steaks as a young boy. He, someone told them fucking steaks is great. Apparently, they had a over, over a bunch of steaks in his house. He had a stake salesman. Yeah, he's in the basement.

In the basement. So he went, he got a couple of stakes. They were going to throw out. Apparently they were just warm on the counter. Not that his dad was doing the same thing, right? There was a fuck it. So he, we're at the point where he's, he walked out. It's him.

He put the stakes in the mattress. Yeah, yeah. He made a stake vagina and he's using the pressure. The pressure, this is genius. To do doggy style. He used, oh, he used the pressure of the mattress and the box, box ready to, you know, so when he pushed him together, there'd be a little, there'd be a little, you know,

a little gift like a little pressure. So when you push in. The creaking of the mattress was the sound of her voice. No, no. No. What the fuck? So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so you stay kidig. So you fuck these things.

Within two seconds. Two seconds. Two seconds, come, come. In your mattress. Into the mattress. Oh, there's already years of come in my mattress. What is years? You fucked the mattress? I'd constantly be fucking the mattress. I had a wily coyote that was life-size. That I had you to have sex with that. I had sex

with everything. Everything in the house. You were doing the same. Buddy, I never fucked. No, I didn't even think of fucking it. I feel dumb. I feel like I just dumb like I never. Well, we were lucky because American pie came out right in time for us. So you can fuck the pie. So we learned we learned that you could use all these weird items.

I was too old for that. See, I was too old for that. I was like apple pies sucks. Yeah, I'm 46. I'm 46. Yeah, I just, you know, I just got sucked off by the neighbor. Yeah, whatever just, you know, I just got sucked off by the neighbor. Yeah, whatever his name was What have we talked about your facial hair? No, not yet, but we'll hang on

This is why I love her. She's literally on her own planet She's literally you're fucking your bed. There's a boy Stakes she walks in. What about your face in there? Out of her fucking tree. Let's say, I can't, no, you just wanna know. You fuck the stakes. You fuck the stakes. And then, now you've done fucking the stakes.

There's jizz in the bed. What do you do with these stakes? I don't wanna get to that. Oh my God. Because I heard, where are the stakes? With two wives. What? I had to run back upstairs with them. because I heard where are the stakes? With two what? Taste I had to run back upstairs with them. Put them back on the plate.

No! Now I want to save you a little bit. I'm gonna be a little truthful here, okay? Please, they were, they were. They were so. My listen is fucking care. They were still, he's not a hit. I told you. Why? No, no, yeah, yeah, but they were still he's not a head I coach it

No, no, yeah, yeah, but they were still rap make it Dave Chappelle We have mistakes. Yeah, I can't get you to pal well when I get the tweets. I'll respond with this but but we put them back We oh the team Bobby team Bobby the dogs The dog's help you like Let me help you I can do it faster yeah put it on my nose Now do you know one of the dogs I hope you tell me he ate it you like you mother fucker So you so you just fuck these things you don't come because you hear some you came I came but before I can get any cleaning I hear I hear some kind of dream and do it again There are the stakes

Agaree! Where are the stent? I just said So the ghost of Christmas past was looking for a stank? Greg's dad was the bad guy in karate kids Do you know where? Yogi! Agaree! You betray me! You'll fuck a stank First the I chop up and do tricks with spatula. Make a volcano on the onions. So you run back down?

My stepdad is... I love it. I love Eliza just as done with us. She just takes over my show. So you run back down. Fucking fudge is covered, say. She's actually spitting it for the women that were listening. So you run back to Is covered say She's actually speeding up for the women that would listen. Yeah, move it on. Let's go. We got good So back to so fast forward

You ever see that movie with the soil and green with it all they're all eating the human and they're just like I love that people is the only person going. Yep. Yeah, yeah So I think rain it was like they were like they would eat human That was the whole thing but nobody yeah best burgers in the world Motel hell. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, what's the same thing? I'm a common theme. Yeah. Yeah. No, remember the head was in the thing. No preservatives Remember fast forward my family is eating the steak Listen to me. I want you to stop right now. I'm gonna go

No, the story are they dead no? There are I mean they're alive they died from his Chiss I do believe what that my step-dead new oh my Such a bastard that he was like you fuck our steaks we Such an alpha male Think jizz bugs me kid Holly fucking jizz off your cock Yeah, I put him back you can't you fucking you fuck steaks jizz yeah run upstairs What's on a steak with jizz probably was buddy? Yeah, listen Larry bird always tribbles before he shoes

It was jizz on those steaks might not been full jizz, but it was jizz All right, did the stakes. So you get two stakes, you run up stairs. Now, what do you do? How do you sneak them up there? Is it like, do you have to hang from the ceiling like Tom Cruise and mission impossible? I just, to be honest, did the dogs help?

He just, they cause a diversion. What are you guys doing? Then you run up and you put the team help? I ran up, I threw them in the fridge, because I was like, well, they were out. I thought that I thought that they were going to go bad. So I put them in the fridge. So I do that move.

Okay. So you just fuck stinks. Yeah. And now you're still going to cigarette. You throw them in the fridge, throw them in the fridge. But I put them away. I thought they weren't there. You didn't clean them.

See, that's the thing is they now they were, they were in plastic still. Oh, see, all right. Don't ruin the story. But the plastic had many holes. Ah, thank you. We're back in. We're back in. So you put. So now these people, they, they cook the steaks, grill them, they barbecue or just cook them inside on the stove. We're on the stuff. Yeah, we do. You pour. Yeah, you have two fridges and you're fucking steaks We're a poor what's poor to you? You fuck I didn't have steaks or fridge I rice and fucking no poor Matuna You know how it is the fucking can't it? No, we we and then I just remember the last words were just like man these are the best things

Oh my god, yeah, I can the best things to write. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. I can't believe it. I'd fuck a robot too. So I'd fuck a robot. We're talking about, because I saw the started. Do you have the article?

Do you have the video? I have pictures of dolls that they use. Okay. Look at these dolls. I've heard of the dolls. Yeah. Where's the article I sent you? Right.

What's the new update? I'm gonna, I'm gonna wait for an epilocyte. What's the update? Okay, here's a deal.'m gonna wait for an repilter to start. What's the update now? Okay, here's a deal. They mown, they're having a blowjob cafe with these dolls because now they're such high-end, fuckable dolls. Yeah.

I mean, cause you know, back in the day with the blowup doll, you know, you felt, you felt bad because all of them looked fucking just scared. Ah, yeah, yeah, you felt, yeah, you felt like a knock. Like, my friends would make it, they don't, if I don't do it, they'll do it to me. You know, if my mom made it, when I told her we fucked the stakes, it was like, woo! Okay, so this is the article you sent me. Yeah, so was there a video in it?

Well, look, it's see these robots. So they have robots, but they're gonna have, listen. So they're gonna take hookers off the streets? They're not gonna take hookers off the streets. I think that's always gonna be refreshing. And they're off the streets. The internet take hookers off the streets. They're not gonna take hookers off I think that's always gonna be refreshing and they're off the streets the internet took hookers off the street That's interesting you say that when I first moved to New York 43rd Street was all hookers and pimps But now because of

Back page and the internet and all the sex sites these girls can just go on a cam and Make the same amount of money without fucking getting murdered or whatever and they can hook and they can suck. They can do whatever they want from their house with no pimp. Wow. Yeah, I mean, especially in New York City. Yeah. You know, they can just door guy, that's your security. Come up.

They can vet you through the fucking window. Anything happens. They can just scream for help, whatever. Yeah, there's no more street hookers. When I was in New York City where I first moved here, there was blocks that you would just go. Remember, time square was all hookers. You just go out after spots, drive,

they literally just, hey babe, you pull out a red light and these half-naked women with G-strings on the middle of the winter would just be like, yo, baby. And you had to fight everything in your body. And I'd just get in and suck my dick, let's just go. You just be like, you know. I remember I was like, I was like 14 or something.

And I was like, hey, with my mom. And they were like, what do you think I'm gonna leave my mom? What do you think I have money for this? To find a hooker, I'd be like, I'm gonna be like, hey, I'm gonna be like, I'm like, you're doing, lady. But have you seen the movie Milk Money? Yes.

I love that. What's that? It's Melanie Griffith is a hooker, but a group of boys all get their money together and leave the suburbs, come to the city to look at tits, I think they want to see her hooker all speak anything though. Yeah, girl naked, but she ends up coming in, moving in with him and being his new mom eventually.

Yeah, she ends up working the dad. No, fuck the dad, fuck the dad. Do you ever see Spank in the Monkey? No, but is that a porn out? No, it's a movie independent film where the mother breaks her leg and the sun winds up taking care of her and they wound up fucking banging.

What? It's a sexy. It's a return sexy. Yeah, you gotta, when you watch that, you gotta question yourself. You gotta put a pillow on your lap if you're with your girlfriend. First question yourself you got to put a pillow on your lap if you're a girlfriend first of all you got to put a pillow. Do you have any thoughts on the Marlon Brando the director? Oh god damn it. You don't have to. No it's it's because it's one of

these things you hear about that. No. We'll bring it up for you. It's and people will the basically. It was the girl. This is the last pit of the tango and parents. Last tango and Paris Oscar nominated, correct? Yeah. Yeah. And there's a rap scene. A rap scene. It was actually a they used butter stick a butter. A stick of butter for Lou. And she basically saying she's basically saying that she was really raped. That was a rap scene. It wasn't even her, she's dead, but the director said. She died from the rape. No, she died at the age, but the director said that he doesn't regret it

and that him and Brando talked and decided not to fill her in on the butter and that they were really gonna use butter on her. And then everyone on set just watched this 19 year old get kind of, because he's like, I didn't want an actress's version of fear. I wanted like real fear. And he has no qualms about it. get kind of, because he's like, I didn't want an actress as a version of Fear, I wanted like real Fear. And he has no qualms about it.

He hasn't like, he's like, over the rape. So did they really fucked? No, because I think he raped her with the butter. How do you rape with butter? Is this a butter? Yeah. How do you put anything inside? If you can fuck a steak, you can put a butter in there.

You have a butter. I think butter will melt away. That's a hard, maybe it was old school butter. When butter was butter. I think butter will melt away. That's a hard to, maybe it was old school butter. When butter was butter. I mean butter was butter. Yeah, remember when butter was butter, you can, you can, you can, you can stick it in a vagina. We can watch the movie and watch the rape I asked

because it was one take. Um, Jesus, is this the book you're talking about? It was, it was, it was one take. Yeah. Cause you can't see y'all cut in the middle of a rape, a real rape and be like, all right, we're gonna, give me another stick of butter props. Yeah, listen. We need No, and she was like scared and she went kind of crazy after all of the attention of the movie and all that Yeah, I mean she could she had a good film career after that

And now you know back then I don't know man. It's almost like Jesus Christ you you But she knew she was gonna have sex, right? Yeah. She knew she was gonna fuck. It's the butter thing, is the rape. Yeah, but I don't know. I think it's fucked for a director and an actor, all grown men, and there's a 19 year old girl,

to be that any kind of co-conspirating to have any sort of surprise or make her feel actual embarrassment and shame shame because that's what he wanted is fucked That's my opinion. That's a great opinion. I want that. I am. I am. I am. I'm not. I'm not. I just found out but that's beyond. Yeah, it sounds like. That's exactly how I feel. Yeah. And moving on back to low job cafes. How do we go back to my fucking my other?

Well, we have to know how we have to see this. So it's that Lori Holtz, oh we get to watch this. I want to see it. And an action? Well, I'm nervous. Your father, the rape scene. A little bit of her body. All right, can I get a get a get a reaction from you?

It's tremendous. The, I mean, as far as the accusations go, Hollywood is coming out, a lot of the big names, Jessica Chastain, Chris Evans, Anna Kendrick saying that your father should be in jail, that Bertolucci should be in jail for not really consenting with Schneider about about the scene. That's not my father. He wasn't that man at all. At all. He was for human rights, civil rights, and martin martin Luther King. He was for the people, not against the people. I said, we an Anthony, I can't you.

This is what I did bring up. How did martin Luther King get in that? Well, because this is what happens. Like all of these dudes constantly defend other dudes because like, well, he wouldn't do, oh, he's a good guy. He's my friend and it's like, I'll tell you what my father is. That's not what he's doing.

You understand? That's his dad. So what he's saying is, he's saying, look, that's not the guy I knew, which if you don't, look, if I wound up raping somebody, if you found out that I raped somebody, you'd have to go, look, that's not the Bob Kelly I knew.

Sure, but I believe that men were rapists. That's like what I believe. Wait a minute, that's not my opinion. Yeah, that's not. I'm just saying. You think all men are rapists? I'm not saying all men are rapists, but when I hear that like Johnny or someone was abusive or rape or whatever, I believe I'm just like, yeah, of course, dudes are the worst. I've been attacked. All of my friends have been attacked. Can I say something?

If you weren't so uppity, I'm kidding. So to me, it's just like, yeah, I believe it. It doesn't matter if you're a good dad or a good coach or you're a priest. It doesn't matter if you're a cop. Here's a deal. People are doing fucked up shit. Here's a deal.

You find out that this fucking guy did that crazy shit to a 19 year old girl and Brando was involved in that and whoever the fuck else knew about that. And she didn't know. And I mean, look, having a sex scene, I've been not on the set, but they closed that shit down. The two actors have a conversation

with the producers and the director. Everybody, this is a very delicate thing to get naked in front of somebody. And never mind a 19 year old girl with a fucking man. Like, he was an old man at that time. Okay. And that 48 year old man with a 19 year old girl, that's uncomfortable enough.

And then, you know, you find out that he's just grabbing a stick of butter and you, I mean, you gotta have a conversation. You gotta, that's got, every second of that has to be agreed upon and thought out and discussed with her and maybe her fucking parents. Yeah. It was just a sh, you know, that would never happen now. No, and she sat in the, she sat in the brown bunny. Have you seen that?

Yeah, was that a rape? No, no, no. It's not a rape, but she's really sucking his dick. Yeah, so, yeah. That's Cleo sucking, Chloe. Chloe, whatever the fucking name is. I'm your. Suck in the dick.

Yeah. I mean, it's like, that's some, that's a girl. They were dating or ex-thing. Yeah, they were dating. Yeah, but now, I mean, they did it on film. Yeah. So it's what love on Netflix. What's that?

Opening scene, opening scene, hand job, and do a guy guy coming and there was another show called love. There wasn't Union the skanks Well now the easy easy Netflix has a three-some scene and people get pretty naked and it's Malin Ackerman Orlando Bloom and then Katie Maccucci. What about two girls in a guy with fucking Robert down in junior eats Heather Graham's asshole. That's fair. That's a great scene. Yeah for what movies are two girls on a guy Bring that I do this is all different Chloe. We want to look at the dick on camera. Yeah, he won't wild gal I just think that these sex scenes can be erotic and I understand film on them

But you have you can't just fucking you can't just fill it, you know. I gotta know about this blowjob cafe though. Yeah. Also, are these new dicks of these dicks all been here? Hang on one second. We're gonna segue in a better way. We can't go from, what do you think about the rape? We're really just so collisers for bringing that up. We're gonna blast about fucking stags.

We're about to move on blowjob cuff. What do you think about raping a 19 year old? Fucking halting break asshole. Save that for your fucking whatever fucking fucking rape podcast you're on next. I don't fucking work. Now I'm I feel bad. Go back to this. I feel terrible. Let's just go around the room. Who thinks these guys are assholes? We're all there. We're all there. Liza, whatever you say. Liza, I think. No, but I'm thinking about fucking rape now, and it scares me. I ain't right.

No, but I'm into this blowjob, Kephe. I'm just wondering if they're stall. As long as they're stalling. I don't know. He's going to actually read what it is right now. Where is the blowjob, Kephe? London. London.

Of course. Of course, we can't have one here. For God's sakes, why would you have one here? Why would you have a nice blowjob, Kephe? You know, fucking stress. Of course, yeah, it's a lot we can't have one here for God's sakes. Why would you have one here? Why would you have a nice blowjob? You know fucking the stress we of course. Yeah, it's called glory hole Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's old school. We're talking a cafe You get a calm-el-mucky out of a nice steak to stick Craigs house of fun. Yeah girls. It's lucky you get to just go under the faucet in the shower What are you talking about?

That's how I would masturbate as a young girl. Did you take Molly tonight? Where the fuck are you going to... What do you mean? You just... What do you mean? The faucet... Not the shower head, the faucet on the bottom. You mean the tub faucet? The tub faucet.

How the hell do you do that? You get under it and you lift your legs and then the water drops. Like it's filling your vagina like a bucket? No, it hits your clip. But it could fill you vagina if you open up. No, you're not completely like that. Hey, I've done it with my asshole, okay? It's the same thing without the clip, okay?

It's called the man clip. Is that, did you use the tub to masturbate? Yeah, all the time, yeah. Wait a second all the time. Who are you? Wait, wait, stop. Hang on, I want to know about this. Okay.

Okay. No, the shower head is a removal. I didn't get it. No, no, no, no. This is what she's talking about. She's doing the English version. Oh, that's right. It's called the T-Sipper.

So she, you, you, you, you, you, all right. Here's the deal. You get the water nice and warm. We wore you warm. Yeah, you want the tub to have warm water too. You don't want me like sitting on some water. So, but not you can't have the tub be full. No, no, no.

Cause you need time. Yeah. You don't have to be too full. No, no, no. Then you gotta drink, you go to a good drain, then restart. And we want to hold it all now, but just enough to get the warm water. You get back warm. So you want your back warm.

You don't want to get it. So you're on your thing and then you fucking scoots your butt down. Yeah. And your legs are straight up. Yeah. And that that fucking spik it is right above you in its blob and water down. Right? Now you want that full force, half force. A full force, probably not when I was a child, but you had to work up to full force. Yeah, you're in a self. So you're now you're a black belt. Right? So you're lying there, you length up in the air,

and you're full force in this, right? And it's shooting down into the torso. And what are you doing? You just letting it happen, and you're helping it. Sometimes you help, sometimes it's a much time. You gotta wiggle a little bit.

What? You gotta wiggle a little bit. I do the alphabet. Yeah, I can move around a little bit. Can I have you ever been caught in this awkward position? No, that's what I'm saying. You lock the door, you're in the shower,

who's checking the evidence, you're just coming and then you take a shower. But lock is even necessary. What's your business going on? Ha! Ha! What's the big thing? I know.

No, you would have one leg out of a curve, if it were a curve. Oh, well. What do you talk about? It's fun. It's a comical effect. Yeah. They think you fucking snapped your neck.

You got a heart attack. What's wrong with you? Are you okay? You're just thinking, I'm fine. Shut the door. What do you talk about? You fuck two steaks and You got a heart attack. What's wrong with you? Are you okay? You just think, yeah, I'm fine. Check the door. What do you talk about? You fuck two steaks and a fight without a door. I don't know, prom.

Okay. Yeah. We went floors. And there was a necmasizer in the basement. I'd run to that. The only thing with that is gotta be careful because then you get a bladder infection because sometimes the order goes inside the pool.

Yeah, but her vagina is not as huge as yours know saying yours. We call you the bucket the game I know I don't like gate sounds like a wound That's what I was trying to tell her is that sometimes when you be able to fill your vagina a little bit Water Let's squirt it out. I don't know, like, it's- What's just a heaven in there?

What would it be for later? Oh, for a little, like, a turbo. Yeah. Oh, okay, yeah, I'm on board. I'm like, you would get up and a thing would just walk by. Yeah, that's fun. Yeah, you didn't know that you had a fucking leader of liquid and you have your stomach, and then it just,

never a problem. So let me ask you a question, my friend, the viewer. What were you fucking? of liquid and your stomach. And then it just, never a problem. So let me ask you a question, my friend, the viewer. What were you fucking? Well, yeah, I asked the question, you cock, stock, what the fuck? What the fuck? Yeah, I've only told this story once

and then everyone went, Well, what the fuck? I'm not gonna be a story. Mom had a, my mom had breast cancer, so she had, what the fuck? All right, when, you know, with the rape and rape and now we're gonna fun time with my friend here Bobby. Yes No, it's a good one. I get better. Yeah, really Thanks queen Lisa

Thank you my dear. She's really bugging me tonight. I love it at that bitch No, keep telling the story. What are you Kathy Griffith? Shut the fuck up? Go ahead tell the story. There's better, Kathy Griffith? Shut the fuck up. Go ahead, tell the story. This better be good, because I'm fucking sad right now. Thinking about this poor 19 year old, I used to love fucking Molly Brando was my favorite, I gotta move to DeVal.

Yeah. Yeah. That's dope. My mom has a, she alive. She's alive. Great lady. Great lady. Great lady. What are we gonna say about her?

So anyways, she has this single mastectomy, so she only has one boob, so she has this other fake boob kind of thing that she would put in her bra to go to work. And then one day, What did your mother do for work? She had her dress up. She's a hairdresser. Yeah great I know where this is going I'm pleased to see you so anyways your mom had a fake boob because yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah of a single vasectomy. Yeah, vasectomy. Yeah, vasectomy. I don't know now. We're all fucked up Yeah, all right, so she's got yeah, so that's where it goes Okay, then she for she doesn't take it to work one day Yeah, cuz she got you know, she got comfortable. Yeah Right? In their while in their while she forgot well Friday. Hey, I forgot my watch Guys will Friday don't bring your boob I don't bring your boob. Anyway.

So I take the thing. Yeah, you take the, well, don't make it a thing now. You're a piece of shit. Let's call what it is. It's your mom's fucking breasts. Yeah, I like to call it Diane. You want to call it that? Anyway, did you write Diane on it with it?

Did you make a face with a sharpie? I took a red lipstick. Anyway, so then, yeah, so I took it, I folded it around, and then I used it. Around your dick. Yeah. So we're at, now wait, stop. Now do you have to go search for it?

I don't know. I can't go where. Are you eating cereal? And she's like eating it, just a regular morning, your pissed off, school sucks, life sucks. Your mom goes, all right, I gotta go. But as she's leaving, you notice one boob is small than the other and you're like,

see a lady in the day. This is the day. I mean, do you just come across it? No, you're looking for your fucking notebook? And you're like, oh my God. Are you late for school? What? No, no, so she's, where is she?

She's working. So I come home from school. Yes. She's working. And then I, How do you know it's not in a, well, because it's out. It's on the tape. It's on the dresser.

Yeah. So why are you in your most room? Well, we lived in the basement together. I'm sorry. Wow. Like, did you have a freezer? No, no, no, no freezer. So you lived in a bed, you were poor.

We were okay. We just, your Italian family all lived in the same house. You lived in the same house. Yeah. So you had the whole house. Yes, we had the whole house. But you were in the basement. My mom and I lived in the basement.

Gone de la Wee's, Fatso. Yeah. Gotcha. Did you have a wall or you slept? I just elucidated the bed. No, well, she would sleep. No, loops. There were beds, ladies. But next, let you bag. No, well she would sleep. No, loops. There were beds. I had a bed. My mom would sleep upstairs with my grandma and her bedroom.

Your mom said mom wouldn't sleep in the basement, better stuff would all be in the basement. Right, okay. What a fucking beautiful. I mean, this is when families were families. Yeah, yeah. Now you got to have, you know, everybody gets depressed when you don't have a big house in a backyard. You don't need it. You just need a good family. And your mother's chicken color to fuck. Well, some snakes or a fucking hot tub. I mean, I can't get a, I can't get you out of my head. I feel like, like you, like if you, out of my head. I feel like if you got stranded around, I think with thirsty, he's kind of long. Luckily, before we go on the plane, at the hotel, I'm now tribed and I filled my pussy up with a quarter of water, push my belly button and put your mouth under the outside of a bitch. Let's drink.

All right, so good. So yeah, so it's out. It's out. I'm there, it's out, she's not home. That is a light bulb go off. You walk by it a couple times. Do you make the decision? Do you come back in?

Do you leave? Or you like, fuck it. I've been waiting to fuck this. I think I probably went, I probably molded over for a little bit. Yeah, sure, sure, you're a good person. Yeah, and then yeah, I went for it But I had yeah, you know look. I'm no hero everybody But uh, a couple seconds. Yeah, you're not a piece of shit

God god, yeah, no, so go back in you grab go back in I grab it. I start going on it wait whoa slow down You guys yeah, do listen now wait a second. So you take now you're going at it right there and her in the with the Excuse me with the dresser is. Oh, no, I take it back to my side take it back to your side. I take it I was like prison Animal you take it back to the outside like a fucking lion You're not a fucking animal. You take it back to your side, like a fucking lion. Come on. So you take your scrap of meat back to your side.

Now you take your little pecker out, right? And then how do you do the physics of it? Now how do you? So it's shaped like a top of a jellyfish. Yeah, yeah. So you could just fold it and then wrap it around to then wrap around my dick. You made a dick taco. Yes, a dick taco. You made it perfect way to put it and then wrap it around. You didn't. Yeah, wrap around my dick. You made a dick taco.

Yes, a dick taco. You made perfect way to put it. A nice dick taco. What? Are you Spanish at all? Yeah, okay. You made an Italian dick taco. A good ol' one.

A good ol' one. A good ol' one. Yeah. So, so you find, now are you spitting in it? Are you, do you have any lube? No, I was, I was dry for a long time. Dry. I did this thing dry. But wait a minute.

Yeah. More than once. No, this was the one time. I'm saying when I just was jerking off regularly, it was dry for a long while. It was a similar thing to what Greg was talking about where it was just, I had been eyeing this thing up for a long time. Yeah. So, you know, just even doing it was so exciting.

I'm sorry. No, no, hang on, so what happened? Who is this guy? This is our 945, the guy in the video. Hey, huh? Remember for the second hour, we're gonna talk about a... Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. Dude, no, because I'll tell you why.

I apologize. You're fine, buddy. Thank you for coming. Last week, I'm sitting here, we're doing the show. Just some guy walks in. I go, literally, go, who's that? Maureen goes, I don't know. I'm like, fucking what?

Then we're literally talking, and I forget, but yeah, sit down, you're fine. I'm not pretty fine. My friend Brian was here last week, sitting, I think. Yes, yes, yes, yes. No, those two weeks ago. Two weeks ago, I was doing. So now you fucking this thing dry.

Yeah, dry. Cause you're a man. So you dry fucking your mom's fucking chicken cutlet. Right? Now she's at work going, oh I forgot it. I should've took it. I don't know, does anybody notice? But meanwhile, you're home fucking it.

So you fucking. How many times did you fuck it? I just did it that one time. Just a night time. Now, first of all, I think you lied. You're second of all. So now you fuck it and you come on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on. Yeah, I got it dribbles over the edge So then what do you do with it? I wash it with what with water and mouth?

So you, huh, so you wash it with water and soap, and you put it, do you blow dry it? With your mouth? No, there was a hand towel, I just kind of washed it off and I put it back up. Put it right back? Does your mom ever say anything? No, she's never said anything. So the next time you see it with that chicken cut,

do you get hard? No. No, the next time you see it in, you're like, I don't wanna fuck that again. No, I was done with that thing. I felt so weird about what I did, that was over it in, you'll hear me. I don't wanna fuck that again. No, I was done with that thing. I felt so weird about what I did. That was over. Yeah, you should.

Yeah, you fucked your mother's prosthetic. Yeah. But why is that? I don't understand what that's weird. Because it's... Are you fucking... It touched it. It's...

Are you not things or things? Everything is a thing. That's like a... Things are things. I don't know. I don't know if you made sense because you sang it. Everything is a fake that's like a I don't know if you made it's made sense because you sung it Sometimes things make things That wizard of Oz thing Stop the stuff Fuck it I get it's weird when you're a kid you're so warned

The old rock was I had a mechanical toothbrush too But I was that too yeah,, and I've done that. That's my, that was my old trick back in the day. And your back. No, not my butt with women, my meat and chick. And I, I always go to CVS, grab a, uh, uh, uh, uh, electric toothbrush, one of the cheapies, and then you wrap a little bag around the end of it.

Yeah, I was about to say it's too harsh without the bag. Yeah, you got to put a little bag around the end of it, and some lube, get some lube. You put that on a girl's contours, dude. You're a superhero. You're a superhero. Don't think that you're gonna meet some chick and just lick it. That'll be fine. You lick that, get down and then you get that little, put it on a cataracts shell, come. I felt like a woman's, I felt her lips quiver. Oh yeah. I feel it now. Are you hungry? Yeah.

Let's get some steaks here. We are ready. We don't have to do this now or not even today, but I have a story that is that I you know the story, but I'll tell you something when you guys, I don't wanna cut off. This isn't just what are you talking about? You just put a thing in my brain that I remember.

I know, I'm just scared it's gonna be so long and pointless. Is that how you feel about all of us? What the fuck is? I don't know why you'd even do that. How long is this story? Because you said you were gonna blow it in your brain. It's gonna kill me. I have a long time to go, okay?

There's no way it's gonna be long. I want to see a video of the blow job, Cafe. I'm gonna bring that up, but I want to introduce my guest too. Can you just stand here, I'm gonna bring that up, but I wanted to do as my guest too. Can you answer? Because he's just standing here, I feel bad. All right, so, joining us right now is Dan Aaron's a young comic from around here, say hi, Darren. Hey, how's it going?

Hello. Dan was in an accident video, I guess you could call it. That's kind of trending recently, and Dan won. Well, the wall video, yeah. We're gonna bring that up after. We're gonna finish this topic. Justin Kis, that topic is, and here's that Peter's out. I Kis, that topic is in fun.

Here's that Peter's out. I feel bad we opened up with fucking stakes. Bath tubs and mom's tit. So we're gonna see what happens. Dude, the middle of your face looks young. What the fuck? Nice dude. I'm most of those insulting.

I used to never heard of my life. I just do a closeup on it. Look over here, right there. Just move over there a little bit. There, stay right there. Look right here, there's your camera. Just the middle. Yeah, right there, you look like two different people.

What a good, I mean, you're- I'm not so worse, I've gotten. Somebody told me recently that I could do a really good Steve Bannon impression if I tried. And which is, but they said if I trimmed up, which is weird to say like, if you looked better, you look like Steve Bannon impression if I tried. And which is, but they said if I trimmed up, which is weird to say like, if you looked better in a book like Steve Bannon, yeah, yeah, that's not really a compliment.

I think you're in handsome fella. Oh, thank you. Okay, all right, good looking guy. No, you're a good looking guy. You're a cute guy. I like big guys. Good looking guy, right? Yeah, big guy.

Incidentally, I already know this guy. Yeah, yeah, it's gonna be, oh, come on. I thought it was gonna go. I like this. Big guys are always likable. They're always likable. Unless they take the wrong path. Let me tell you something, I want to like them even more.

Hold up those little tiny chunky fingers. Look at those. I want to bite them. Look at them. Look how cute they are. Hi, hi, hi. Hi, hi. All right, let's, what do you guys?

So we don't have video of the blowjob cafe, but we have talked about. All right, let's, what do you go? So we don't have video of the Bludjob Cafe, but we have talked about. All right, so, you know, they're springing up. There's one in Thailand. There's a new ones coming up in Switzerland, I believe, and you can go. And it says here, men will be able to choose their coffee off the menu before picking out a prostitute on an iPad.

And the whole bit will come to just 42 pounds, I believe. Wow, that's 150 bucks almost. Oh, really? How do you get a real hooker? Yeah, it's not as good as I thought it was, right? I thought it was like literally a cafe you could walk in and just get head. Yeah, I don't want to fuck. I don't want the option of fucking fucking to intimate.

I don't want to have to lie on top of a grid here. I don't wanna have to lie on top of a grunt here. I'm gonna, you know, I don't wanna hear, let me get on top, baby. Okay. You know what I mean? Just to walk in, how you doing? I know I'm a cure who does it. I don't give a G you in there.

It's like, you fucking steaks in your mouth. I'm just fucking a steak mouth. No. Blow jobs are so good. Yeah, blow jobs are are so good. Yeah. Blow jobs are just so good. Do women feel the same way about a guy going down on them? Yeah, but I like finger.

There needs to be fingers involved. Can I say something? Why is that? For all my life, I thought, eating, going down on a girl, let's keep it clean. In case, in case NPR wants to, you know. Oh, yeah, you'll see on the one hand, you know, but for leaks. I mean, you need fingers, man.

Yes. You need fingers. Yeah. You cannot lick pussy and not use fingers at the same time if you want to make her come. I like to just lay my head against her leg and just do like a wizard move, like a dog licking the water every day too much.

It's just bad because we don't know. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no my head against her leg and just do the opposite move. Like a dog licking the water every day too much. It's just bad because we don't know. No pancakes. But she gives me loads of the same way. It's just lay it down next to her and she'll go, go, go, go, go. I tell you, I say it all the time. You really want to know when you have a great relationship when you don't touch each other. And you're like, yeah, I don't want to.

Me neither. Let's watch elementary. Let's make some chakutari. And let's watch some elementary and not even think about touching the toilet for years. Let me just jerk off, you masturbate when I'm gone, stick whatever fucking glass, whatever in your vagina, do your thing. We got a hotel room, what do we do?

We just have the best sleeps of our lives. We just, am I going to the road? She comes out. You have a kid? No. I'm not a big fan of it. I'm just waiting for that. Yeah, wait for you have a three-year-old Add a kid to that mix. Wait for that. Yeah.

Yeah. Wait for you have a three year old, just pissing in the middle of the night. Yeah, my sister and her husband, they would ask for me to babysit and to go to the movies. I'd be like, what movie they're like, we don't care. It was, whatever time it was, they would go in there. How's that?

Yeah, I'm getting horny though. We do. I'm getting, because I stop, I'll tell you, I stop jerking, I was jerking off in the shower. That was my thing. I wait till they leave. Or I, you know, I stopped, I'll tell you, I stopped jerking, I was jerking off in the shower. That was my thing. I waited a day leave, or I, you know, I just, I had this shower massage and I got this, I got this insane shower massage.

It has four different heads, and they move, like they move, so it's like action. It's not just water. And I would, I have a bench, I always put a bench. People think I have a bench to sit down, because I'm heavy, I have a bench to put my leg up so I can come around the backside. People think you're not doing it on my nuts.

That's what it looks like. Right? And then it feels like somebody's licking my balls from behind. And then I crank it out. And I was sure I can off so much in the bathroom that the fucking drains clogged. Cause my wife has beautiful black hair. And it falls out all the time into the drain, mixed with jizz.

The guy comes over and fixes it, goes in, snakes the whole thing, comes out of the cross bake, goes, you got to stop putting baking grease in the green. Yeah. No more baking grease. He thought my jizz might, my, my go honey, you're, I go, you're going to stop with the baking. She goes, I never put baked big, I never do that. It goes in the trash.

I tell him to go fuck himself. I never put a big one. And if you think jizz when it gets hot, that hot water hits, that's egg. That just turns into egg, egg whites. Hot water hits jizz, it's egg whites. You might have to sit down and get some hot sauce and fuck and get a sliced tomato with God, it's kids.

It was your eating fucking healthy tonight, baby. That guy knows the game though. He's like, he's seen so much comedy because I do bake increase in people feeling it. Yeah, I would think that he knows. Yeah, maybe big increases come for them. Yeah, you gotta stop big increasing. A lot of big increase if you know what I mean.

You know what he's doing that. Yeah. Well anyways, that's all you use, use vibrators. I have the magic wand now. What is that? It's the hotachies. Hotachi, you mean the hotachi magic wand, the ones in porno's all the time. Wait a minute, honey, I'm so out of the game. Yeah, it's fucking, you can murder someone. Yeah, I want this. I'm getting this from my wife. I want someone to try to fucking attack me while I have this vibe right

I'm a bookstown. It's heavy. I got it from Nikki's show when I did Nikki's sex TV show Wait a minute. It's hot touch the company hotachi makes it yeah, but they used to say hotachi But they were mad that it was all in poor known. It's a hotachi. So now it's just magic wand. I thought Can we get it but they're huge buddy. We got to get a close-up of that we can't see it on the TV. This big. There you go. It's giant. Thank you. Not even wireless. I'll tell you what's up. I'm wireless. I'll go. I'll tell you what you knew. Talk to me about this and I forgot all about it. Patrice. Oh really? Yeah, because you used to call Dr. Dildo. I'm not my kid. You he went to Brazil with a bag of glass dildos and like seven of those. Oh, good for good.

How many did he come back with? Two. No. He used to bring him his gifts. Oh. But I used this with someone during sex and it's just too big. It's like it's giant. No, when do you put it?

That's high table. No I just say we are stored at you for That's great. That's comfortable. She's banging dudes. That's just on the table next to you There's no hits not like a teddy bear You travel with it You travel with it? No, no. Because you don't want to get addicted to it, because then let's be not sensitive ever yet. I mean, she's going to be like a karate shin. I've done it too hard, where it hurts for the rest of the day. You know what, you know what, I discovered,

now I'm going to pass this on. Are you ready, cutie? I'm ready to learn. Yeah. I'm ready to learn Now I'm gonna pass this on. Are you ready, cutie? I'm ready to learn. Yeah. I got a little baby project different bookstowns. Okay, a little tiny one.

They have them for 150 bucks. You can get the used ones for 150. I got my little more expensive, maybe three and a four and a a whatever. Hooks up to your iPhone or your iPad. And then you can project on the wall, a hundred inch screen. I watched porn in my hotel room.

I jerked off to a porn on my wall at a hundred inches. Oh my God, you could do it on your ceiling, huh? Wow. It was a dream. I propped it, I put two pills together, shooting straight up on the ceiling, but the wall's a little better because it the farther away the bigger the screen gets.

Yeah. Nothing like jerking off to a hut, like just the wall of just, yeah, just fucking bad. When it's on your phone, or it was so used to jerking off on these little screens. Yeah. You know what I mean? We forgot that.

Yeah. Freeze Bobby. Freeze. We used to jerk off to theaters. 100 feet wide. Now they're gonna sound a little baby screen. Little kind of baby screen. Jesus didn't want that.

Jesus wanted it on the wall. It's got to. Now wanted it on the wall. It's gone. Now I get that projectile. And I shoot it on the wall. And she was talking to the dickster. The dickster in the wall, the mountain of God. Ha! What about hunger, ma?

Oh, speaking of tongues. Buddy, listen, it was so good. I don't know what it was. It was so good. I don't know what it was It was so good. I sat there and I just fucking watch porn after porn just edging the like for like two hours I do want to say this thing is so strong like it has four modes. I'm still only on two. I can't get like I Listen, don't you say you you keep look you keep positive You will You keep positive. So into anything. And there's another one where it's like patterned out already. Someday you'll put on a key. Someday she'll come in and she'll sit down

and just slam her a lid on the chair. And she'll look, you okay? And then find Master Lisa. Like she doesn't just entertain the level. You'll hire a guy to just kick her in the cunt. Nothing happens. But I don't get just dildos without vibrate it. It means nothing. I like yeah, I don't say yeah, I Don't hold it Yeah, yeah, but I don't get

I just want to dildo Okay, I mean I know I got it, but I can't I might get my I'm gonna get my wife one of those you have to yeah I'm not saying I got gotta check her draws first. Yeah. It's probably a seven of them. Shmooby, Shmooby has one with her name on it. Are they an eBay? Could you get a used one?

Why would you get list list list? How many of you about it? How much do you use what go for? What's wrong with you? I'm just thinking. I'm just wondering how many are on eBay. What the fuck in that I'm chasing you are? People, I was just wondering the idea of like,

are people selling these on eBay? Yeah, they're way cheaper than Bob. I'm just wondering the idea of like, are people selling me some even? Yeah, they're way cheaper than Bob. I'm not letting him touch this. He fucked the snake and I want to, he was wondering, I thought that's a fair question. Is there a fair question? Who's gonna, is there one? You can't even return a fucking vibrator to a store.

That's why they test it for you at the thing. All right, let me see this, go ahead. There's like eight listings right there. Bring one up. Okay, go pee. All right, go pee, it's in the other room. Make sure she's not fucking sticking water How much 15 bucks is it used it's not used those are new You got to put used in

The day I have to tell an Indian guy to use fucking Google the fucking day this show shuts down That chair scopal haunts it Fucking haunts it I say get a used Brooks knows thing as he used. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah See I was my question though honestly that was coming from the place of I wonder if they would sell for more or less because there are freaks out there Oh You can buy women's panties on eBay.

No, I'm not gonna do that. Yeah, I, yeah. It's a car kit. Yeah, my girlfriend was gonna do it. Yeah. I heard, didn't you say that to me once, or did I hear that about you? No, we were talking about it, remember?

I was gonna do it. Oh, maybe. Yeah. Well, you try to sell your underwear. Can we do that? I'm down. Now, how long do you have to wear it for? Like a week?

I don't know, I gotta look into it then. No, I look into it and see if you have to be on the rag or something I know On the way on eBay. Oh, yeah, you're about doing it. Yeah, well you guys both we could we both do it Can we set it up? Well you guys both sell your underwear? Yeah, yeah, all right But now let me ask question. Does it have to be like a week old does have to be they want to smell it I mean, they don't want to get it in the box and the smells dead.

They want to like add water and fucking stuff. But you put it in a ziplock, see? Little fucking creatures come with like sea mugs. You see a locket. And a ziplock bag, all those commercials. Oh, open it up, it was like a fucking cheese. It's like, gotta be fucking cheese. It's like a cheese from Greece.

A goat farmer from fucking Afghanistan, cheese. Fucking plants just wilt as soon as you go over the fuck. That'd be great. Can you do that? Get us, like wear it for a couple of days and then give us some. Do I just... And a zippy? Really a couple of days?

Yeah. Can I get that fucking? I would be on fire for a couple of days. Oh, is it too much? Yeah, one day sufficient. Is it really? Yeah, we'll masturbate in half. Yeah, all much. Yeah, one day sufficient. Is it really you? Yeah, all right, so masturbate in them. All right, wear them put them back on and then go for a jog or

Jumping jacks hard. Yeah, do some hard. I didn't want a jog. I don't I don't want no fucking no jizz. I want this straight up veg Maybe some ass juice from you, but nobody else All right, so zip lock it. We'll sell them on eBay. We'll donate the money to charity. Okay? Christmas charity money. Yeah, we'll send it to charity. They usually want a photo though, that's where. No, we'll do, we'll give them money,

we'll go to a restaurant and give them money to a waitress for tips. Oh, that's the best idea. That's all I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do. Oh, can I tell you something about Joe's? You know, the seafood steaks one. There's like a Miami Chicago.

He does. There you go. Do they sell green? No, but Joe's stone you know, the seafood steaks one. There's like Miami, Chicago. He does. They do. Do they celebrate them? No, but Joe's StoneCrab, what they do is, there's servers where these crab pins with jewels, and you buy them for 20 bucks and they save the money. And if one of their waiters, a family emergency or something happens, the money goes to unemployed.

What if it does it? Everyone's gonna have problems. Well, you assume it. Yeah, I mean, if nothing, you know, they keep. Then they cause problems. Well, you assume it. Yeah, I mean, if nothing, you know, they keep. Then they cause problems. No, but I don't know. It's not taking people's family members out. Listen, we have a million dollars in the kitty.

We need to take Joe's mom out. Just one leg. We're gonna take a paper. We're gonna, I don't know how I'm gonna. I'm gonna give her breast cancer. I'm not sorry. I just turned them on. Have you ever fucked anything? What are you masturbating with? I'm gonna give her breast cancer Turn them on have you ever fuck anything what what do you match to be with oh man?

Like I guess my hand that's it you never use the steak No, I never mom's your mom's fake breast. Is that what you guys did you guys? Some of us You fuck nothing us. Okay, no, I have no room. You fucks nothing weird. Me? Yeah. We had nuts. Oh, okay. What's I have?

Yeah. I'm with these fucking lunatics. I fucked a salami and rehab. I'm stuck a fucking knife at each. I had my dick. And then I, and then we had sandwiches the next night. I didn't come in it. I'm on an animal like these.

I didn't cut, I didn't do the, you know, the full moon, you know, every 10, huh? That was 10. I was 15. Five years doesn't make it different. I think I blew a guy for a steak. Left. It's true. You never did nothing? No, sir. I'm still thinking if there's like this, maybe a customer care line for any of these underwear, like things, like, you know, if anybody's out there playing, but no, I've never, I've never, no, I've never thought to put my dick in a salami. Have you ever, you just masturbated regularly your whole life?

Yeah, let's say so. Hey, man, it's not like it's a bad feeling. We made it a bad thing. Right. Right. Also, you're getting, how old are you? I'm 25. 25.

See, we didn't have the porn thing. So I just think, you got to make shit after. Oh, that's great. We old are you? I'm 25. 25, see, we didn't have the porn thing. Oh, that's true. We got all the porn. We had to make shit after it. We had the fuck's things. I once had the fuck, you know, I once had the walk 30 miles in the snow to fuck a fucking tire of my mom.

I don't think that's right. No, I will not, because I actually get what you know. You got a fucking e-forefactor. Yeah. So anyways, let's move on to the next story here. First of all, go get the app, download the iOS or the Android app. We got a couple episodes. There's an episode up there right now with me and Paul Verzi, the Krebshire kids. We got the,

the Christmas specials going up there next week. That's right. The Yankee swap. So becoming at 199 go do it right the fuck now. We're gonna do you with you young man. We're gonna watch it. We're gonna watch the video right now. Apparently I just want to set it up for the people listening and apparently you're doing a spot. Are you hosting? Hosting at Creek in the cave. Yeah, the weekend. then is this show regular hosting is just the first time you hosting No, I was a regular hosting for a few months regular hosting and it's in the basement correct. Yeah, yeah So it's in the basement that's your regular gig. Is it an open-minded thing? Oh, just a regular spot. No, no It's kind of a weird show. I wanted it to be Kind of a combination show so it has I like book four spots every show and then I

Add droppings like I allowed dropping spots and then I also have bucket spots for comics It's trying to I was trying to like do a show that sort of brought together the like different comics You know brought together open-micers and book medians and then people who also makes the mic worth watching Yeah, exactly like I was trying to do that and yeah, so this is your show you came up with Yeah, yeah, I um my friend Jason Flood had success with a show out in LA called tickle picnic I don't think it's active now because the venue closed right, but like he had her open mic Where a lot of people are dropping and he recommended I do in New York and then I added the booktax to try to guarantee the quality of Yeah, so now here we are we're at the show you do you starting it or did you already bring some? And then I added the booktax to try to guarantee the quality of show. Right. Yeah. So now here we are.

We're at the show. Are you starting it or did you already bring somebody up? Is this the beginning of the show? This is the very beginning of the show. The very beginning of the show. You're walking up the host. Yeah. All right.

That's what this would happen. But you know, I can't do this. Oh, fuck. Are you OK? All right. Oh What was going through your head? Oh man. Sheet rock? Oh man. Oh man. If I did that, I would immediately would have just hit the ground and went,

Oh! And I would have fucking screamed like I was hurt. Yeah. Yeah. I kind of wish I had now, but no, I did not. Was that planned? Well, okay. So I did not. Was that planned? Well, okay, so I,

I mean, job. But the wall was not planned. I, I mean, You suck as dick. Um, well, listen, I wrapped it there, I moved back before. Well, I mean, I didn't, like, what's sucking me?

Like, I mean, I, I lived it. Yes. What's up? Well, okay, so I, I've been. Like, I mean, I lit it. What's up? Well, okay, so I do different characters. Like, most of them go by Daniel Aaron's, which is my actual name. That one is sort of a stooge. Wait a minute.

So what are you talking about? You do different characters with your name, but they have different personalities? Well, the idea is like, I've been out in New York a few years, and I just wanted to have some more fun with it. So I've been doing different styles of comedy at different venues so they know me for different things at different places.

Oh, that's funny. Yeah, and this show was sort of my place. That's funny. It's fucking not gonna go anywhere, but for real. It's like comics are digging it. Yeah, because that's what you want as a fan base. Just to fucking stake TikTok. We love it!

We love it! Keep doing it! You know what I mean? Because they're writing jokes as one person and trying to fucking surpass you. So you're different people in different places? Yeah, and this one I like at my show, I sort of switched from show to show.

But that's what was the fun of my show, was that like, no one really paid attention to it, so allowed me to like do different stuff each show. Yeah. But you're a big guy though. I don't think like slapstick a rolling around of tripping is your thing. You're gonna hurt some. Never mind.

I heard somebody's building. Yeah, I, that was the thing is, I've been practicing pratfalls this year. Well, I'm if I can get real. I'm again, I've been qualifying for weight loss surgery for about 14 months now, just going through the steps. So like I figured while I'm still overweight, I kind of wanted to have fun with it. Can I talk to you about that for a second? Sure. Now you're going for this weight loss thing.

Yeah. You know, what's the, what do you have to do to get, you have to lose weight? Yeah, yeah. So what are you going to get lap banned? I'm going to get the bariatric sleeve. What is that? It's really basic. Sounds like something they would fuck. Yeah.

Eric, tell me more about this sleeve. I can't say I don't have an erection right now. Hey, before you put that in. I don't know what you mean. Don't let these cunts help you at the hospital. We want to come down and be your boy. Fucking you're gonna smell jizz forever. Breaks me.

Where's the lap bed? They're gonna cut out half my stomachs all send it to you if you need something. Oh, wait, I bring the fucking whole front down. I don't know, I mean? Now listen to me, I do all send it to you if you need something. Oh, wait a bring the fucking whole fuck down. I don't know how I mean. Now listen to me. I do want to talk to you about this. So you're going to get this sleeve that goes, now have you been

overweight your whole life? Uh, yeah, yeah. I lost a bunch of weight after high school and then I I'm trying to get it back. Exercise, just tired, you know, over a year., what happened? How'd you get it back buddy? Just I don't know Honestly, it had a lot to do with my job. I'm an animator. So I just stay inside a lot Is it you really a job? You mean what it's not great? Well, it's that's just a thing

But it's also what do you live diet? I'm a story. I love a also, what do you live? I live in a story. Dude, who do you live with? Two other people. Really? Where's your family? They live in Ohio. They live in Ohio.

So you've been here for how long? I'm here in three years. Three years. Did you put a lot of weight on in New York? Good amount, yeah. Well dude, let me tell you, I put a lot of weight on too. I used to be pretty fucking shredded I've done it around five times and every single time it's been because of depression. It's because of loneliness

It's because of you know fear and yeah, that was absolutely fact. I mean it was after college I was working a minimum wage job just to sort of get by and yeah It was it was the worst because you know, I've done all the years of comedy and it's just, you're worried about getting sick. I'm not anywhere. You're worried about your health. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I don't have my babies yet. So like I'm trying to be a little bit mad.

I love that you can still giggle at it. And not yet. Let's come in. Right around, they'll fucking. I'm trying to, you know, fingers crossed that I can get it done. Yeah, buddy, I'm the same boy. I just went to the doctors and they were like,

look, you're right there. Yeah. And it's in my the doctors and they were like, look, you're right there. Yeah. And it's in my family. Yeah. So they were like, you're right there. And I've said, I begged my doctor for three more months. I was like, look, just give me three months. Mm-hmm.

I get it. I haven't had a, you know, I haven't had sugar in five weeks, really. Oh, wow. And I haven't had carbs in around five weeks, but. That's intense. Well, it's, you know. That's a car I was in around five weeks, but. That's intense. Well, it's, you know. That's what you gotta do.

Look at buddy, I've never been as big as you like when I was younger. I'm probably close to you now, but you know, it's, that's good that you're doing it man. It's good that you're taking it serious and you're gonna do this surgery. And, you know. Thank you.

Yeah, and you know what? All that fucking bullshit, the sugars and the sodas and the fuck, fuck it. It's not your friend. I made that shit my friend on the road because I was alone all the time in a hotel room and I couldn't fuck a drink or smoke or do all the shit and I was like, and I would fight a nice pizza.

Oh my God, a movie. Wow. Yeah, that's fine. I used to fuck pizza. I, this is actually fun. How's that? A big one. I'm kidding.

I thought we were bonding. What's that? Completely believe it's fun. Oh, did you really? Talking on the microphone, so we get here at next time. It's son of a bitch. That was a good one.

He said would be too messy to fuck. No, not cold pizza. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The next day, next day pizza. I would never fuck hot pizza. Talk about it. So what were you saying, buddy? I was just saying like, actually, just what you were talking about.

Like, sugars are like, I pop, isn't my thing. But like, a big reason why I did this show. I remember the first joke I think I ever heard live was actually, from any standup was actually you. That's a big reason why I did this show. I remember the first joke I think I ever heard live was actually, from any standup was actually you. That's a big reason why I came on. Where you talked about your macaroni and cheese, like how great macaroni and cheese is. I think that's my big bite.

Oh, you eat a lot of macaroni and cheese. Well, because it's not just craft. So, man, I go fancy with it. Sometimes when you're feeling sassy. For this thing, give me a few years. For this thing, for the new years. My friend made a four cheese and it was Havarti, Gouda, Parmesan, and cheddar.

That's it. What's Charles? Well, here's the thing though, it's not worth it. Yeah. It's not. I had Thanksgiving this year. I was like, fuck, I said, okay, today I'm gonna eat what I want.

I ate some shit and I was like, ugh, I felt like shit. It takes around a month. You stop eating sugars, you stop eating the carbs, takes around a month and you get DTs. You get, I mean, literally I was sweating and shaking one night and I was fucking just fuck you to everybody and I didn't know why and it's because of the poisons, the poisons believe that sugar was leaving my body. And I still get fucked up. I mean, I get, I had a friend of mine yesterday. She's a friend. I'm what I'm going to tell you, but like, really something sounds like fun.

She's a friend. And I told her, you know, there's something wrong with my neck, something happening. I don't know what it is. It could be, you know, thyroid, it could be age. But I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow. But I'm nervous, because I have a three year old, I have a fucking son that needs me. And I'm fucking a great dad. I love my wife and she's a great mom. We have a great, beautiful fucking family. I am the happiest that have ever been.

And that's when we get depressed. That's when I get fucked up when I'm happy. Everybody thinks that when you're sad and you're low, when good things happen is when I get fucked up, when I'm happy. Everybody thinks that when you sad and you're low, when good things happen is when I get fucked up because I feel like this fucking universe, God, whoever it is, is just gonna snatch it away again and give it to that fucking person to this and keep giving it over.

And it's like, I love it my life right now, but I'm fucking nervous that something's gonna happen. And I was trying to tell that, you know, and she was just like, well, you're overweight. You're overweight, you're a fat fuck right now, you're fat as shit. And I fucking, I'm sitting there going, I've been trying for five weeks. I haven't, you know what I mean? I've been on the road, I've been alone, and I'm having sat. I'm trying, you know what I mean? I've been on the road, I've been alone, and I'm having sat. I'm trying, I'm fucking trying, and I just went, can you just fucking lighten up for one fucking day?

Can I have a fucking break? Can you just fucking for one? None of you fucks ever say great job. You're doing a good, I'm proud of you. Keep it going, you fat fuck, you fucking, you look like this fat fuck or that fat fuck or you're a fat, I snapped. I was like, fuck you. She's like, why are you getting so sensitive?

What the fuck? Yeah, yeah. I fucking let's go. She goes, look, she looks in her defense. We always talk like that. We, you know, it's comics. We always bust balls, but I just snapped. I couldn't take it.

And this is not the first time. It happened a few a month ago too with somebody here at the seller. It was like a fat fuck joke, fat fuck joke, fat, and I was like enough out of you, enough. I'm fucking trying. I don't wanna die you fucking piece of shit. I do a joke about this,

but it's also like when people try to give you advice or a shit on what your problem is, it's like, yeah, but I know exactly, you exactly your niche shitty relationship that you don't want to be in I think you're too scared of success and you're you're like sabotaging your life right now Or you're a hoarder and I fucking know it and like we all have all of these things and it all comes from anxiety Or insecurity and they manifest in different ways, but with food for some reason people want to be like just don't eat this And it's like your I will murder It's the worst it let me tell you something.

It's the worst addiction of mall, because I'm telling you, fucking, heroin, it's against the law. Yeah, yeah. I have to walk out there for a while. There's no fat, fat police. And it's all,

I say that in my act, I don't mean to do my act here, but it's true. It's, anyway, my wife. I'm doing it now. We're here. Yeah, but it's true. It's my wife. I'm doing it. Yeah, but it's also the

most It's also it's not like it's Everyone's trying to sell you the bad food too. So it's not like I was like if you You come, but it's all just like I mean, I'm gonna walk outside Benz is right there. But watch TV watch any show and it's all it's shitty. And it's shitty food. It's gorgeous people at Mickey McDonald's.

These fucking shredded guys going, is bacon cheese, four burgers, and more cheese and bacon. And I'm sitting there like, you don't even know what this is doing to me. And then there's some fucking new fitness craze. You can walk at a fucking straight up in the air and that's how you lose weight. And I'm like, I gotta do that. And then they're back in the fucking show and I'm just watching gorgeous people and it's like, fuck, where is the fat fox? Yeah.

None of them. It's us. They're fucking killing, they're murdering us. Yeah. And we don't even fucking, we just sit there and sit on our fat couchs and go, eh, and take it. They put the real Wendy in one commercial and she was not high. And never was that commercial seen again. Never again.

I don't even know if she's alive. That bitch will not be looking. And then they're like, they chopped her up and burgers, and he's a fucker. You want to find what she looks, I mean, she looks, I mean, this is rude. Listen, we need, I'm telling you,

it's, it's, so I'm telling you right now, man. Do it. Fuck it. Fuck it. I don't call a carny Wilson, fooling everyone. Yeah, she got us. Who's runny Wilson?

Oh, from Wilson Phillips, she got real thin. She just like kept getting lap bands and then kept getting fat and kept doing it over and over. It's fine if it happens. I'm just making up. Well, he doesn't have, first of all, he doesn It's fine if it happens. I'm just making it happen. Well, first of all, he doesn't have that money to fuck you.

Just snapping lap ends. I need another one, dog. I'm just dumbfounded. I can't believe I've never seen a fat person in McDonald's commercial. I'm going back. There's none. Not ever happened. You know why?

Because if they showed the people that really go to McDonald's, you wouldn't fucking go. There's you go, ugh, and you'd be like, oh, that's me. Yeah, dude, food is the hardest one of them all. And it's hard to buy clothes. But people don't say, okay, it's hard to find a nice outfit. But then when you, it's hard to wear it. Cause you get a hot and sweating, you smell like dough. And then you're like, what the fuck? And then you get out hot and sweating you smell like dough. Yeah.

And then you like what the fuck and then you get out of it at night and it's like mother fucker. It's so fucking cheap. I'm at my lowest point with. There's one. There's one right there. When you do these pictures, we got to make a full screen. I can't have 17 other things.

Please. Yeah, she was in one commercial. Never again. Yeah, that was in one commercial. Never again. Sweet mother. That's the real Wendy's and her father's dead. Yeah, great guy though, Thomas. Great guy, but fat.

Very fat. Very fat, horrible to look at. No, he's not. That's not true. That was the finished here, his guy got surgery. Yeah, listen man. Yeah, it's an every event, every celebration. And so then it's hard to be like, well, it's thanks,

oh, well, it's this holiday. You can't, you know, every event, every celebration. And so then it's hard to be like, well, it's thanks, oh, it's this holiday. You can't, you have to like, they have to Thanksgiving, I was right back on it. I'm like, fuck this. I'm done, fuck it, you can walk, dude. You gotta do it, buddy. You have to fucking do it. You have to.

You have to. Addicted to the feeling of, well, whenever I've lost weight, it's addicted to the feeling of like, when I go to the gym and I feel good, or I eat something better, I'll feel better and I try to get addicted to that. I'm addicted to the feeling of, whenever I've lost weight, it's addicted to the feeling of like, when I go to the gym and I feel good, or I eat something better, I feel better, and I try to get addicted to that. I'm sorry, I'm sorry to cut you off.

That's shitty advice. Really? I'll tell you why, can I tell you why? Yeah, yeah. I think that you need to learn how to just not eat sugar and carbohydrates. You have to change, but you don't need to get addicted to working out, okay?

You don't need to work out right now. You need to fucking just walk where you're walking to, but you need to stop eating shit foods. And you need to start liking, because I'm telling you what's gonna happen. No, no, I'm just sitting. If you get the sugars out, all of a sudden the tomato.

Yeah, avocado is great. Avocado tomato. These foods are the foods you're gonna start tasting. You're gonna be like, oh my God, I crave a salad. I crave vegetables. I crave a piece of fish. That's exactly what I, that's exactly what I was just talking about. No, but I'm, you're saying,

you're saying the same thing. No, you said you gotta get addicted. You gotta get addicted. Addiction is the fucking, you don't wanna get addicted to anything. Alcoholics that work out a lot now are my least favorite people. Because you know what happens when you get addicted to that? Cause I did it, okay, around six years ago. Yeah, around six years, seven years,

eight years ago, maybe, no, 10 years ago. I don't know what it was. I got in shape the last time I got in shape. And I was fucking, I was working out my fuck, I was addicted to working out. I'd run up R onion Canyon, the hard one. Run down. Then we go and have quiz notes.

Then I'd go to the gym for two hours and lift weights. It was, I remember me and Dane were touring at the time with that big Torrey did. We go to the arena and run up and down the arena stairs. I remember like being in an arena and just running upstairs before the, and just I was addicted. And then what happens?

Something happens where you can't do it, and depression, whatever, whatever, and all of a sudden, you're not doing it. If you're an athlete, you fucking do it. You're not an athlete. What are you gonna do? Play corner for the Jens, what are you trying to do? Just be healthy.

Well, it's the power. It's like one of my friends that lost a lot of weight recently, because she always used to be crazy. She used to be like, binge and then extreme diets and then starvation and all of this. And then something clicks, but when the power goes away, because then you also don't want to flip out every time you quote unquote cheat or have like a bad game.

Right. You don't want to have like a lunatic thing. If you want a grilled cheese, it's like, can't eat a fucking grilled cheese, you know. It's about like taking it in. I had my wife cook the other day. She made a piece of, she made zucchini bread with sour cream frosting.

Now I haven't had shit since Thanksgiving and I'm sitting there like, Baba, what the fuck are you doing? You know what I'm, I go, is there anything else in the house that I can? Yeah. She said she goes, look, you can have a little piece of this. It's not a cake, it's more zucchini, it's a vegetable bread.

You can have a little piece of this. You just can't eat it every day until it's gone. You can't have a fucking big chunk with two glasses of milk. So I had a little piece of those zucchini bread and then I went and got an apple. I was like, you know what, fuck it. One got an apple, and I got some grapes. And that's it, huh? I was just saying apples are great. The apples are great.

But no, no, no, I do see what you're saying, just, because once you get addicted to working out, then you go cold turkey eventually. You know, you fall out of bed, and it's about building habits. You know, it's about building habits. I also kind of met like, I didn't realize how shitty I feel all this. When I eat McDonald's, you just feel shitty. Then you don't eat McDonald's for a day, and you know, you fall out of it. It's about building habits, you know, it's about something. I also kind of meant like I didn't realize how shitty I feel

all the time. When I even McDonald's, you just feel shitty, then you don't even McDonald's for a day and you go, why am I having a good time today? Yeah, you just go, oh, but this world's brighter. Yeah. Why is the sun warmer? I didn't realize that I'm like, Jesus, yeah.

You know, like I wasn't blo- like I didn't eat bread for like maybe a month and a half and I just was not bloated. Whoa, what a moment. I'm just worried I did it too late. I'm worried that I quit all the shit. And whatever shit I was eating was holding me together. Yeah, yeah.

And now my throat, now the cancer just melted. Like whatever fat was there, melted. And now there was cancer in it. And it was like keeping the cancer locked in. Now I'm gonna have a fucking, you know, who's so fucking sad. Don't say that. What are you gonna lose?

Little changes. That's what helps me. Yeah. Like if I get fruit and I potato, that's what it comes with the Dildos. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Dildos.

You talk about your good news. Has anyone discussed that? No, we did not. Congratulations. Well, thank you very much. Hey, here's a deal. So exciting. Well, yeah, we get to, look, it is a long, like,

of course. Of course, there's a long road ahead of it. But yeah, we mean, and Jim Cereco and Tom Celetti, we got a beautiful script deal with FX. We wrote the script. We, you know, it's ready to go. Hopefully, you know, there's a long process of that. It's not like, you know, yeah.

Now, how are certain talks about on comedians and cars getting coffee? He's like, the fun thing is what it's in the deadlines and the reporters and articles out and then you're like, oh, fuck, now we gotta get to work. Well, we already, the thing is, is that there's such hard workers. They're so on another, they're at the top level of this game for so many years.

The script's done. Yeah. So by the time it got released, we just turned, we're ready to turn it in. It's, you know, so hopefully I'm, you know, look, it's the best thing ever. I think we wrote a great script. I mean, it's not a, it's not a, it's not a broad comedy.

Everything comes from a real place. It deals with a lot of stuff with, you know, about weight. It, you know, it's coming from addiction from weight, which I don't think any show does. Every show I watch, it's always about a guy who's on Molly's or a crack or heroin or alcoholics. Like a Molly. And they're screaming and yelling.

It's like, yeah, but they don't do, it's never dealt with in the real fuck. It's always like, bang bang, right. But it's like, it's never, it's never been dealt with. Well, it's all, it's like, they're almost always also like, it's having fat actors doing like skinny fat people jokes, like making fun of like fat people. I mean, yeah, it's like, I get it. It's great.

But, you know, I, you know, this is a problem in my life. And I think it's a, here's the thing. I think it's a problem in everybody's life. Even in shape people, every day, they have to make decisions so they're not fat. Yeah. And that sucks too. We're all fucking out there trying to not hate our bodies

and not hate what we look like. And it's a fucking shit place to live. There has to be something. You know, to- Well, the people that are the most in shape, but I have a friend who's so fucking hot, like she looks incredible. I've ever, like, topped about him,

but she has all of these issues and it's like, that doesn't even bring her happiness. Like, she can't even accept me, you know what I mean? So, yeah. Even when, because that's scary too, because you hit these goals and you're like, oh, I guess I'm still fucking miserable. But in effect, look at man, this shit is-

It's that out. This is affected my whole life. All the relationships in my life, you know, I'm sure it has affected you too. Serious. You know, it's like my relationship with my wife. Yeah. She, you know what I'm saying?

She met an in-shape motherfucker with abs. Yeah, yeah. And now she's got me. She's still the same. Right. Yeah. She didn't change. She got better.

Yeah, yeah. So it's like, you know, that, you know, it's a fucked up thing. And it happens. I mean, if you look, take a walk in a mall, go walk around and count the pretty people. Yeah. Let me tell you something. It's gonna take you a while.

Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Most of us are fucked. I guess here is question though. This is something I always want to lose weight. The guy who fuck steaks has a serious question. No, but even at the beginning of a podcast, you said like, yeah, bigger is funnier.

I often worry. I know it's a stupid excuse, but I'm like, yeah, if I lose weight, I'm afraid that I won't be as likable. You'll love the perspective. It's just if you're always hot, then you're never you're not. But look, there's a difference between what you are, what I

am, what he is. You know what I mean? Like he, he, I don't want him to get sick. I don't want to get sick. I worked in the, you know what I'm saying? Like where? Where we're talking diabetes, we're talking heart, we're talking a lot of shit. You know, physically there's gotta be, you know, like, you're not shredded, but you're not in shape. If I ask you to take your shirt off and walk down the street, you know, but that's great body.

Great body. Does he really? I mean, it's not body contests, he's like, but you, let's talk about you then. You're not that good. No, not that good. Very not that good. No, no, yeah.

But it's, it's on the way up and it keeps getting there. So anyway, it's, I think it's right now. I hope that, you know, and it's, look, it's my point of view, it's my life. Sure. It's about, you know, a lot of stuff that's happened to me. And, you know, I think we did a great job. So hopefully, hopefully it goes further.

You know, hopefully we get to make it. And, you know, whatever we'll see. I'm proud of you, Bob. I hope so. There's something else. If not, there's something else. No, that's good. Boys in my head.

Just keep saying it's gonna happen. I don't need you. You're gonna fucking apologize. Not this. I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to me. I'm talking to myself. How could they not be a show?

I don't know. They've been two shows on their network. I bet they, they, I did something with them before and they did two things with them. I did something with Billy Burr and Joe DeRosa and then get picked up. I did something with God-free and two other actors that was a lot of funny shit. It's not about them, it's not personal.

It's just that like, you know, when you're at that game, they, you know, if they, if they goes up here and it's like, can we, it's a business, can this make money? Will people watch it? They're investing a shitload of money into it and Fox and, and FX and the bar they have is so fucking high You know, you know, you know, you never I don't fucking it's just the work. Yeah, you know

We you know, hey, hopefully we can change it and make it if they want notes and blah But we can work hard on it and hopefully it happens if it doesn't you're right. So is it you being a family man? No, it's before that. Okay, we got some questions in the chat room about the show sure We can work hard on it and hopefully it happens. If it doesn't, you're right. So is that you being a family man? No. It's before that. Okay. We got some questions in the chat room about the show. Sure.

Rob Cabral asks, is Kevin Brennan gonna play your grumpy neighbor? No. We're gonna surround me with really good actors. Ah. We're gonna, I don't want a guy who looks in the camera. Ah. Ah.

And then start screaming at the director. What the fuck do you want me to do? I'm just trying to act here. And then it's an acting. It's pretending to get the highest level. Is that what we're doing? That fat fuck's got the show. It's his show.

I'm just kidding. I mean, I didn't know. You know, is you okay with that? I'm still going to get paid. Panthers hockey asks, are Colin and Nick DePolo gonna play your closet homosexual carmogen neighbors? So they're not serious questions.

You just sucked out the shitty questions. This fucking kid, he really just fucks it myself with Steve. He's not one serious question, right? A lot of people say congratulations. Yeah, that would be nice once in a while, Deepo. Have you listened to any of this shit that we're eating here?

Because the people like you, you fucking particular Indian. Particularly. Particularly Indian. That is true. That is the first time I've been called that. The particular Indian. No, we read some good stuff, you fuck.

That's why we eat. I got a home late at night and listen to this shit. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, what's up? You got nothing. He's got nothing. He made that up.

He just know people are saying, congratulations. He just panicked at my rage, my fat guy wrench. Yeah. Anyways, no, what, listen, again, I want to say thank you. So many people, I can't, you know, look, when they announced that shit, you know, I don't know how they, whatever. They found out about the announcement. You don't know that shit.

I don't know I did, that's gonna happen. You know, it's a weird thing because I have shitty self-esteem like any other comic but you have pride in what you do and you don't wanna, you know, come off as like, hey, look at me, you know, but I was, you know, it's a, I was really shocked and it really was like amazing. How many comics were fucking really happy, which really was great.

And then how many, you know, and the fans were fucking awesome. I mean, I couldn't, the retweets and the stuff. So I gotta say thank you to all you, all everybody. You guys were fucking amazing. I mean, you guys didn't say shit, but I believe you were happy for me, right? Congrats. Yeah. Yeah, very good. Me and Liz start about it.

Yeah, I mean, you're, that's why me and you are closer than you state fucker and tit boy. I'm very excited for you, Roger. Very excited for you, buddy. Congratulations, buddy. No, it's always interesting to see when people aren't sharing things and you know no one likes them. That stuff always happens, even if good news happens if no one is...

Oh, right. There are some people where it's like, oh, no one is happy for your six months. Well, you can tell people who are like, so when does it air? And I was like, wait a minute, you know the business, motherfucker. You're trying to get me to say it's not airing yet. You just want to hear that it's not happening yet. You want me to do the fucking, the, the, the pilot discussion that fucking Sam Jackson had in public. It's a pilot. See, a pilot in the show, you know. Yeah. So there's some people that are like, you know, they just go on and on and say, dude, just say, you know, look, I didn't fucking announce it.

Wasn't like, I went out, I'm not deadline. I didn't go, hey, guys, check it out. I wouldn't have said shit, you know, um, email them with like a fake name or something like that. G even that. RK 774 Taco bus. You were a great insect drugs and rock and rock. I was like, this, you, I thought you were the best part of the show.

I thought you were like really great. It. Thanks. And I was like, that's why I was like, if not this, they're going to find something. Yeah. We'll find something. Yeah. I mean, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, guy you I thought you were the best part of the show I thought you're like really great. It I think that was like that's why I was like if not this they're gonna find I mean I I myself I love comedy, but I If they do a live action little mermaid you should play Trayon Sorry, you would be in the water. I'm sorry little boy I was busy being a man. You're my triton.

I don't know what triton is. We're going to do it. Tell me when it's up. I won't turn around until it's up. It's loading up. I can go back. See, we do that. We're working on this.

You're my triton. Right. Ooh, I liked that. Yeah, you got to play triton. Oh, so you kind of like me. I'm kind of think I liked that. Yeah, you gotta play Triton. Oh, so you kinda like me. You kinda think I'm hot. A little bit. Your old photos, that boat photo in the hallway.

What, not now? No, you don't like Chubby Guy? I was trying to be mean. Alright. I fucking do you right now, I tell you that. If I didn't have a beautiful wife that I love that I would never cheat on. What's hot?

Don't touch. She is hot? Huh? Don't talk. She is hot. Shut up. She is. Shut up. Fucking, I'd stick it right in your cheek as you need to. She was the other one, showering. Mac was fucking sleeping.

Right in the cheek. Fucking, really. It looked like you're fucking eating a whole sausage at a ballgame. So listen buddy. So we'll go back to this right now. We're going to finish up. Baseball games. I've never eaten a health theater baseball game. That's the'll go back to this right now. We're gonna finish up I've never eaten healthy to baseball game. That's the one thing that I can't Yeah, I'm gonna eat a hot the only way healthy at a baseball game is if you

Huh, I'm gonna tell you if you shut the fuck up you crappy audience member Hi, I'm with the bond is that the bottom? No, but we love you We know you if you get the upgraded tickets behind home plate, all these ball parks have these like ganky stadium, they have this what what are you shaking your head? Because you know how much those are hang on. Not a lot of us will ever have that opportunity. Yeah, buddy.

Listen, apparently to read deadline, I might. I'm not going to fuck you, but that advice isn't practical for the real people. No, it is. For my people that would be out because she's got a show too. Yeah, these guys are going to write a show. They'll be on YouTube. So I'm going to do five people in the room. How do you audience?

No, you can get those tickets. Those tickets on as hard as you. My friend works at Models. Got us those tickets. Yeah, dude, those tickets are available. You just got to want them. You can actually, those tickets are available. You just gotta want them. You can actually buy those tickets online for like not that much,

especially at the beginning of the year. Yeah, baseball's 130 games, dude. It's not like football, it's like, fucking 18 games suck my dick. That big of the year, dude, you can get those seats. Trust me, dude, that's your problem is you have no fucking positivity in your life and you're merely good on the fucking, dude, that's your problem is you have no fucking positivity in your life and you're merely good on the fucking,

oh, that's for you, but you, we, just little people, are you playing more than all of us? What do you do? I'm disabled. Mars, you're never gonna go. Fuck. I mean, I had a job. Yeah.

You know, I got hurt. Yeah, well, how'd you get hurt? I hurt my back. You did? What were you doing? He can't tell us the truth. He'll lose his benefits. It was, uh, it would be funny if he did ex-high's a Sozei to a camp.

That's why he's doing it very funny, because literally two months ago, I just got approved for permanent disability. Nice. Uh, buddy, I'm sorry. Nice. Nice. Hey, can you, can he fuck you, King?

Sir, that's the reaction, though, because people say nice, but what else. Sir, you didn't turn. That's the reaction though, because people say nice, but what else can you say? Because now I don't have the, you don't know on how much of a weight was lifted off from me once I was somewhere worse. You know, it's a true thing. I do know why,

because my sister has a kidney transplant. She got one 17 years ago. She has to get another one because they only last for 16 and 17 years. And she can't work because if she works, blood pressure goes up she almost dies. She has to go in dialysis so she just got approved for help too. And it's like, oh thank God. Because I was sending her some money. We did a fundraiser on I feel bad. They did a go fund me. And you know, fucking, you know, It makes me fucking, the people who,

all you guys who donated, I love you to death. And some of you motherfuckers donated too. Chris Scopo and Fanny, you know, but you know, it's like I have, you know, a hundred thousand fans here and fucking eight people gave money. It's like, go fuck, I know it's hard though because it's like, you know, there's probably,

everybody has a problem, but you know, that she needed money. Thank God she got through it now. They're gonna hell per so we don't have to worry about it, it's like, you know, there's probably, everybody has a problem, but you know, that she needed money. Thank God she got through it now. They're gonna help her. So we don't have to worry about it. So good for you. And I have two kids. Yeah, you got kids.

How old? My daughter's 12 and my son's 15. Yeah, they can work. They'll get them on a fucking job. Bring them money in. Oh, after school sports are very important. No, well, it's funny because you're talking about waiting all that stuff and being happy.

And the one thing that's come out of this is I'm home. So for the last three years, Daddy's been home. He's been home. He's been home. And that mic in front of your mouth. Daddy's been home. And that's the arm is part of the fucking,

and that's the fucking way in disability. Daddy's been home every day. Right. So I say it slower. I've gotten, say daddy. I hope I'm fucked my pussy. Well, you took it too far. I know it is.

I know it is. But it's not yours, so never said that again. So, you know, I've gotten the joy of being home with them, and it's changed me. It really has. I just talked to the, I'm so depressing. I'm in the cab coming over this Asian guy. Is that okay to say? He was one of my nicked the pole. He's like, I want the fuck can we say Asian now?

Uh, so this guy, he's like, he's talking to me about you. He saw my, I was talking to my kid on FaceTime and he was all like, you have a kid and I'm like, yeah, he's like, I have one too. And he's like, you know, she was like 20 something now. He's like, I just, I just wish I got to spend more time with her. I feel like he's open, he's like opening up to me. He's like, I just feel like I fucked up and I worked too much. And now she's 20 something and I never got, if I could just go back, I would spend way more time with my kid. I feel bad. And I was like, well,

look, you know, you had to pay for shit and you had to do it. You had to do because, you know, you had to give her a good life and blah, blah, blah. But inside I was like, yeah, you should of your fucking cocks. I'm gonna take a day off. And this episode has some real laughs and some real sad spots. Yeah, well, just learning a lot. I gotta see my mom. Yeah, because she, his mom, I believe that she caught her tangin' around. Did she get a new one or was she just done with it? No, no, she's done with it.

She's just, yeah, is it, can we, can we, can we have it for the studio? I'll talk to her. You see if she'll sign it. I'd love to, would I love to hang that up here? See what I could do. Oh my god, I love it. All right, listen. I need it for a special occasion though. What, the ball? Sarah, she's gonna yell on some day. Where's my coulet? Sorry, I had the ball. Sarah, she's going to yell on some day. Where's my collet? Sorry, I have the ball. She has to meet you here to come get it. She's getting the key to the city for something.

I need my collet. I don't want the May to see me with one titted. You do a good impression. That's wild. Well listen, man, I know I'm supposed to talk about you. I know I'm supposed to talk about you. Yeah, have a raise your head. You haven't raised your head once to show and you fucking the end right at the end, you

fucking excuse me. Did you love Stavros and Mateo's photos? Here's the problem. Or you don't like the skinny butt. No, here's the problem with Mateo's ass. We're gonna bring it up real quick. I can see, I can see my particular Indian typing away right now. Yeah, what happened with Mateo's ass? His ass is so good. It's perfect. It's like, fuck, I want to, I'm not gay, but I just want to see it. It's

fucking phenomenal. Yeah, people have been very into it. It's easy, so in shape, especially when you put them next to that fucking, can I, can I, can I, that platypus. You're gonna get so mad. So Sunday we went and did a show in Connecticut. This motherfucker had a bagel and then eggs, potatoes, bacon, then on the road, not, that's only a two hour drive.

He got the cheeseburger and fries. And then had a donut from Krispy Kreme and then had chicken McNuggets from one days. Motherfucker, yeah. So what is he just working out so much that he works out every, I mean he has to eat every few hours. No, you do all the one where the ass is completely out. The Thanksgiving. Can you get the thanks? No, I want this one real quick.

Okay, I want to try this one because here's the deal with this one. Oh man, can we, what is it on the butt? Yeah, I want to zoom you this one because here's a deal with this one Oh man, can we? Is it on the button? Yeah, I want to zoom in on this Fuck right here. See that see that line right there. Let's see this up. Oh, good right down down a little bit right Stop this Mm-hmm. Yeah, what is that? And then next to that Fuck wait get the other one. I think the other one is nice. It's unfuckin believable. Thanksgiving. It's me just crazy

Crazy oh true story tour by the way on sale now look at a live dot com. This is the one that's crazy to me Wow, yeah If I was gay, I don't fucking Imagine me the gay guy and hook it up with Mateo and then seeing that ass I'm like, dude, I'm fucking eating that Should my problem with Mateo is bite all over his ass. He'd be like, what are you doing? I'm fucking I'm getting it all Mateo and I you can't tell unless he's sitting next to me. But we look, I look like a disgusting version of him. Like if I lost weight, God had shaped, we have the same face.

You can't tell. We did a face smile on Snapchat and it just looked the same. And I was like, that means I could be you and it's so depressing. I want to fucking kill myself. Listen to me, listen to me. God would never let that happen. Listen to me. Whatever God there is, he would not ever let you. That's not an option.

I know. Listen to me. You need to help people with that face. Okay. God damn it. All right. So listen, you okay? Are you done?

Yeah, I just thought you would have an opinion on it. I do. It's fucking amazing. Jealous God. Buddy, you fell through the wall. Yeah, I mean, who gives a fuck? You know, you planned it. Well, it was a prep fall. You got to kick out too, by the way.

I plan the prep on the way. By the way, there was a deal. He did the prep fall, it slams in a wall, lost a show, kicked out of the creek in the cave. Yeah. Yeah. Are you banned from the creek? No, I'm not banned.

I'm not banned. So Rebecca didn't, you have to fix it? I offered to, that was immediately I offered to and I offered to pay for it. They said I didn't have to, but, you know, the show was canceled. A lot of people have been like, Why did they cancel it?

You know, I take people lessons. I put a hole in the wall, you know what? Yeah, but you didn't mean to, it was an accident. It's not like you're fucking, no, that's a funny thing. No, it was a fricking thing. Like, I talked to James, I was like, I was in a freak accident, it's a fucking,

you know, through an 80 pound guy tripping into a wall. I mean, I guess from, I mean, if you did fucking mythbusters, you would, it's true. The wall does fucking break. I mean, you know what I mean? Yeah, well, there's been a lot of people who are like, it's fake and I'm like, no, it's real.

So it's real, you really tripped. Yeah, well, you did a fall, but you didn't want to break the wall. My foot caught the ledge of the thing at the last second and I got too much momentum and it was not, yeah. But you were trying to fake fall, but just got too right. I just done a Halloween special there where I did a pratfall between each set.

So it was just a little cocky. You're trying to shoot one pass the rear, and you got him right in the chest. Can I make a suggestion? Don't do it. Yeah, no more pratfalls for you. How's that? I think I was doing it because I was working on an intro reel.

I was trying to get a video and say people out there. You got it. You got it. You guys, the fucking cool-aid guy. Did you want to talk online, by the way? Have we talked on Facebook? This is getting weird. Oh, this is weird.

No, no, it's been very surreal, because Christy was supposed to be on this show. And she was supposed to be on my show this week, if I was doing it. This is happening as my show would have been going on. It's like, it's all very- I mean, did you get Freddie G introduced us to do an animation thing?

I think so, yeah. This is off air conversation. Yeah, yeah. What a view. You're a problem. You're a problem. No, but she's absolutely right. She's absolutely right.

That's why I was saying that. I was trying to have myself. You just made this about you. Did we have the animation? No, he thought you were gonna jump in and have it be. I thought that'd be, yeah. No. Listen, we're gonna wrap this show up.

Listen, I feel bad that you lost your show, but you go to this show. Oh, thank you. Yeah, yeah, I really appreciate it. When are you getting your sleep? I don't know, I think in January. But you're approved. Yeah, I'm approved.

Will you come back on after you get it? Yeah, yeah, I'd love to. And if you, listen, listen, I'm not saying, I'm not gonna give you my number. But if, if you ever need help, if you ever fucked up, hit me up on Twitter, I'll give you my email. You can email me Well, if you ever get fucked up eating wise because I know you're gonna lose weight Okay, I'm look at me. I really want you to fucking knock it off get lose the weight

Stop the carbs in the sugar. Just say fuck it Have omelet in the morning with ham some fruit Have a big fucking salad with chicken have a steak for that whatever the fuck just don't eat the breads in the morning with ham some fruit have a big fucking salad with chicken have a steak for that whatever the Fuck just don't eat the breads in the sugar Just knock at the fuck off Seriously man, you don't want to find you're a good-looking guy, you know, and you seem to be talented You know you're creative and you're gonna fucking toss it out the window You know for some fucking food that doesn't give a fuck about you

It's food fuck it. I know I know what you are But if you need my help you can email me. I'll give you my email if you ever want to talk But get this shit down get the surgery and come back on if you when you when you lose the weight Thank you. All right brother. Thank you. All right, man, and uh, let's go around the room Scropo. I mean, deep roof. Buddy, I'm sorry, it's a chair. Let's go around and give our Twitter handle. Do you have anything to plug, Dan?

Oh, man. I said you fucking stomach. Oh. Thank you for bringing the funny back. I know, I do that. That's my show. I get it. Sometimes I was here to wait a little bit. Not really, I'm mostly...

This has been a fucking great, I mean, listen to me. Fucking great show, by the way. You two, I love you, and you, it's been a great show. Every, the whole fucking, I really, fun episode. True best friends are always a nice treat. Yeah, I didn't even know that, best friends. I was waiting for a real one. I have a whole thing with him. We haven't even talked about with the Rose battle Oh, man, Anthony bar. I'm gonna have to get right. We're gonna do the show again

We're gonna do we're gonna do the same exact show after Christmas part one and two all right All right, give you plugs Oh, man, I don't We're gonna do the same exact show after Christmas. Part one and two. Cool, right? That's great. Yeah. All right, give you plugs. Oh, man, I don't, um, it's Twitter. I talked more about the situation on, uh, your panicking. Your panicking. Your panicking, but other than that, like, I don't know.

I mostly just want to hear, it's just, be it a your panicking. Just give a fuck. I just want to hear the conspiracy theories that people have about it, because I've heard some do'sies that, what? What like what? Oh, oh man people have been like People contacting me were like did your agent tell you to do this? I'm like I don't fucking agent people have been like did the

The Creek pay you to do it like people said that like thinking it's an insurance scam So I guess message me some way they make would they make eighty seven dollars Message me some way they make would they make 87 dollars? Yeah, I tell you what a man I am as soon as I saw the video I was like all what you're gonna do is just cut around that a square get a piece put that in there measure it I actually knew how to fix it I did too. I offer to yeah When I hit the wall was like an up man are there any poster stores That was my first thought when I hit the wall. I was like, a man, are there any poster stores open? Yeah.

I should put a poster of a fucking pizza. Oh, right. Oh, right. Pumps of walls in my day. All right, so. But no, I mean, that's, I don't really have, my show's over, so no. Are we gonna try to get your show back?

I'm gonna try to do a different show. I don't know. I honestly, they said that I would be welcome to come back down the road, but like to give it some air. So I don't understand that. It's like he tripped. He said sorry. He fucked up. He didn't get a take him for face value. I'm going to pay for it. I'm going to pay for it. I'll prepare it. Over to repair it. I saw that. I took him on. I'm not upset. I put a fucking home there while I'm

but I didn't ban me. I'm doing. Oh, I'm in the nutcracker at the Creek in the cave on Friday. I'm not saying I'm not bad. They just ban you from breaking their walls. Who knows what happens next time the building comes down because you get a support beam. What do you got? I'm at glitter cheese and then on Thursday I'll be a West Niaq I love it alive and then 16th and 17th I mean miss Corpus Christi, Texas That sounds fun. I heard there's a bunch of fun Mexicans. I heard it's like a good time not like bad text. Okay. And then I'll be in Chicago December 29 30 and 31 at Zanies. Zanies great. Yeah, 30 and 31 at Zanez. Zanez, great. Yeah, New Year's at Zanez.

That's great. I have a hotel room and I'm looking for some fun. The fuck does that mean? I wanna meet someone who have sex with our new year's. Okay, okay, but set up, bring it down. Bring your friend, Brookstones. We're from the balltraip. What do you got besides not Mateo's body?

Cold designs. No. This weekend I'm in. I love that you think I forget it again. This weekend I'm at McGuire's with Anthony. We're going to be bars in Long Island. We're going to have a great club, man. Yeah, they're so fucking great over there. They many really all three of those clubs are awesome. Yeah, now and we have a podcast

Anthony we do everything together Anthony. I the way we podcast called the red dude cast right it's really fun and That's you know check out my great stone underscore. All right. I think thanks for having me. Yeah, I'm never invited to my barbecue barbecue. Yeah. I don't think I'm just like. I was a boy. Oh, because I'll fuck everything. We're in the state tips.

Yeah. Make a buttpeed's out of state. Yeah, everything Greg said. And then you can follow me. Anthony DeVito underscore on Twitter. Okay, buddy. Yeah, next time you get home, we're going to talk about that. We'll talk about that. Yeah, that situation is

fucking because I had your cohort who's there that night. Yeah, James James was in here. Yeah, he was really denying the facts. And I got video, I got to find the video, but I got love see the video of these fucking, you literally bowing their heads to a, an alpha male. Like literally, that guy, I don't know that we bowed our heads. Oh, it's on the video I'd watch the video though. Oh, it's on yeah, I watch you bow your fucking heads. Come on. We just want to have a good time Yeah, well that guy who knows

That guy now was like a rose battle in a movie theater and Hoboken Now it was like a rose battle in a movie theater and Hoboken. Oh, it was building and building and building. It was like bad, good, really good. And then these two of the last guys in the pros, I was actually really excited because I knew, I heard of both of you as I know. And I was like, this is gonna be great. And they came out, fuck you, ain't doing shit.

We're making fun of you, mother. And they just started roasting the audience, which, you know, the guy in all red and the dreadlocks really wasn't having these two fucks, he's two hits their fucking losers fuck with them and he went what motherfucker and he stood he just fucking it got ugly so ugly that I got up and left because I'm I'm smart I don't hang around for that shit I went up in the back and was filming it I'm gonna get fucking I'm gonna get fucking YouTube So I'm not an asshole

I want to film them murder and He comes running by the best part was you running by I came here to see you guys ain't funny Bob Kelly He's funny and they said my name. I was like, thank you Check it out. What do you got, Deeps? Uh, people can follow me at R2DPU and uh, I'm around doing comedy and uh, that's about it for me. Where would that be around?

Uh, I'm making my triumphant return to the village lantern on the 21st. Yeah. Oh, nice. I'm going to pack the place out for them. Lauren, what do you got besides the NICE house? Oh, thank you. That's the first time I've ever complimented it. Yeah, because it's the first time I've ever...

He's thinking of the table. Oh, so... That's the most sensible one. Look at Mattel's perfect... Look at that. Just a dimple on the side. And then he also cooks and bakes pies and speaks languages and is friendly and nice.

And his pangs,, paints, and... And his fucking stavros told me his hog is insane. Of course it is. It's just perfect. Probably a bunch of... Just a massive... It's literally a gay god dick. Like if the gay gods were to make a dick, it was his.

That's you that came to life. No, those dick stink. Those are like real life. Those are our dicks Yeah, no, they never put a Barrest not what of their tiny dicks while getting statues man But because tiny dicks were all right back then and if you stand there There was no fucking heat you're in this cold marble open air fucking Greek setting Yeah, you know you sitting there for an hour, your dick goes away. They didn't have fluffers. Yeah, they didn't have fluffers. Some chick with a fucking peacock feather. What do you got, baby? Just at

Lauren Coobera. And if you're a fan of the show, you want to sit on the couch, just email me at ykwdproducer at rycast.com. You And you want to send something? Or if you want to send something for our marvelous shells behind Bobby here. 117 McDougall Street, attention Robert Kelly Comedy seller, 10012. One of my favorite pieces, sent from a fan, elephant. There you go. Send us anything.

Cool. Very nice. And what about me, Deepo? Yes, you have your dates on just on the 16th You'll be at Uncle Vinnie's and point pleasant I'm gonna be the star roasts. That's the last date with me and him on the true story tour for him But no, I go on. I just leave that fat group behind That's what I meant. What's he gonna do? I don't know fucking hook up with Tom Papa get a job right something

Get better at comedy fucking. I don't know fucking hook up with Tom Papa get a job right something get better at comedy fucking I don't know They'll find something that little motherfucker walking out December 29th through the 31st you'll be at Good Knights and Raleigh North Carolina for new years That's right. I'll be there for the weekend my first time at Charlie Good Knights I was called in North KV. I heard amazing things. I'm very excited about it And I love North Carolina new years. I'll be away from my I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great.

I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great.

I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great.

I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. I heard it's great. It's weird, you know, I'm hoping, I'm hoping to start this next year to do a little bigger venues one nighters maybe, maybe put together another tour we did this tour this time. It seemed to work out and then maybe do, you know, same friends at great city to bring you family.

Because it's just a walking city, it's beautiful. I don't know, there's a bunch, but I can feel the, the literally a heartbeat in my fucking hamstrings right now so we have to end the show. That means I can't, my, I can literally feel blood pumping to my asshole. I've been sitting so long. Yeah. Sorry. What else I got?

On the, on January 5th, you will be at Seneca, Niagara, Casino. Oh, Niagara Falls in New York with, um, who's that fucking guy? Good looking guy. Mattel? Julian McCullough. Oh, yeah, so good looking. Yeah, well, not as hot as fucking Mattel, but yeah. Hi, Trenton.

What? Everyone can be hot. Wow, I like you look at a man. Hang on. All right, let's. Fucking Christ. All right, well, that's it, right? Just two more dates on the sixth and seventh of January.

You will be at the funny bone in Syracuse, New York. Oh, yeah, I heard that's a rough place, huh? No, it's a nice venue. Is it? Yeah. You've been there? Yeah. How's the hotel? Oh, it's really nice.

Okay, well, I'm cool. Yeah, it's like futuristic. Futuristic? It has like things. They have porn on the walls. You know what it is? They have soap. That, it's like futuristic. It has like futuristic? It has like things. They have porn on the walls. They have, you know what it is? They have soap that's like a butter ball. It's like a, it looks like a ball of butter.

The soap, yeah. I heard that's rape. Yeah. Ah. I also forgot to mention this. One of my new things that if any listeners want this for advice, but all these porn stars are on Snapchat now

and it's very fun. They live really great lives. What do you mean? They're just fucking whores and they're fucking and these porn stars are on Snapchat now and it's very fun. They live really great lives. What do you mean? They're just fucking whores and they're fucking and they're being dirty on Snapchat. Can you please send, give us a name. Brat nasty. She's my favorite. Brat nasty.

Yeah, that's a Drianna Chechuk. Brat nasty. How it sounds? It's valid. BRAT and ASTY. Okay. And what else? She's my main one that I'm doing.

I'm doing that. But she's just fucking all the time I'm gonna turn her dogs hiking. It's annoying, but I'm really fucking Sometimes just turn a dog's fucking on a hill, but she goes to these porn conventions so she's You know always with a bunch of girls and they're just licking each other constantly. Oh great I'm fucking her boyfriend So they three some girls they she's pretty hot. He went to her entry and we can't go to I can't you can't hurt cuz that's two Anyways, I just wanted to

Fuckin' hand in the show perfectly you fucking yapping motherfuckers Fucking butterball we were done Motionless speech boom and then I did a laugh. Thanks for making it funny again New Year's Eve, good night You guys are the best fans of the world. Thanks, you know what, dude. See you next time You've been listening to the YKWD podcast Thanks for listening Now go back to your shitty jobs

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