Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - One-Eyed Kelly

Episode Date: August 25, 2014

Robert is joined by Jason Lawhead, Erik Rivera, Mike Brown, Brandon Collins, Joe List, Kelly Fastuca and Chris Scopo.   RiotCast.com  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Mao, a Madrid.

¿Sueñas con un futuro más allá de los estudios de grado? Gracias a las becas de post-grato en el extranjero, de la Fundación La Caixa, puedes estudiar en las mejores universidades y centros de investigación del mundo. Tu talento te mueve. Solicitad tu beca en fundación lacaisa.org tienen todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. Keep it like a comic can It's just us sitting down and sometimes it's hilarious sometimes it's intense You know what you now One two three four Two, three, four! Yeah.

Sam Van Laan Bam. You picked the boom. All right, I gotta leave by one. Yeah, well. I have to change that to the universe, not the planet. I think we've, if there was podcasts on other universe, I think this would be a hit. I think it would be a hit. Do you know what I mean? I agree about that. Oh, guys, thanks.

Maybe it's for the earliest bomb day tonight. It's just, you're open with a bomb, Dan. It's good to be back, huh? I was more of a setup for you guys. Apparently, you guys just stared at me. What was that movie where everybody was dumb in the future? Oh, Idiocracy, or whatever. I could be.

That would be number one on the charts in Idiocracy, like that realm, the matrix of Idiocracy. You're a disapproving, you have a, do you have your faces always disapproving? Yeah. I had a horrible fucking, I had a horrible, a server experience recently, and I snap on that kind of stuff. And what are you talking about?

Like the guy, they got coffees, but I was like, lady, these guys weren't even in the building when I already ordered my my coffee And they were getting their coffee. So I said where's the I mean it's an Americana. I'm not I didn't stump the fucking What is it? Well first of all it wasn't stumped a breeze I didn't throw a bunch of flavors and a whips and shit Americana Let's just point to people what an Americana is two shots

Which fucking hot water out of the tap right and then and then a little cream no cream not nothing no i cream it myself and a little cinnamon no no sugar well that does but what did they get to get to straight up coffee so many sounds coming from back there what these fuckers were ordered that's why i was patient through the first two

because i was like well the indian woman that there was a struggle at the counter for Here we go order I mean there was a struggle at the counter for the orders I was already giving them like the you know okay We try not to bring racing to play at the fuck And I've even had this no I have to keep it pretty Hey guys what are the two black guys staring at me Who could be easy? I'm just saying I can't

I can't get in this shit I gave him the slack I'm gonna have you guys back before the curfew by the way. So. Wow. I gave him the slack. Really good. All right. Because of the language barrier.

So I was like, all right. So I walked I stepped back. And who was the Indian though? Was the Indian the barista or the patron? No, it was personal ordering. So they had so whatever. But I was already waiting for my thing. Like I stepped away to wait.

Yeah. And she was finishing the translation thing. Right. So I gave him that one and she walked, she got her drinks. That's very nice of you. Very nice of you. Very America.

We're hanging around. I'm like, I don't know, maybe they ordered before us. There's two, three cash here. When you said other people, what was that race? What? That was, I think, like, one of those. Anthony Cumia. They were one of those.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm a very uncomfortable with this seat choice. I really did. What I'm saying is? I'm very uncomfortable with this seat choice. What I'm saying is I buffered you like an Oreo cookie. Yeah, right? No, so I waited around. I was a nice guy. Actually, I was calm.

What can we say about you? Yeah. Then he's fucking guys that I saw come around from the window as I was waiting. They were in the window. They came around into the window. And it came in and got in line and ordered and these fuckers had cappuccinos and expressors waiting for them I go lady come on what did she said yeah I go oh she's like what did you want to go the

tal americana the guy walked away over there to cut a couple strawberries for a cheesecake and it's been sitting there it's just looking to cups right she said what she said oh we never got that I go yeah you did because the it's already on the shots are already made and then what she say I'm so sorry sir and I and then what do you say I said no for at first I said at first I do you think this is personal I have first I'm gonna be my therapist I'm gonna be my therapist right now these guys weren't even in the building at a time I had ordered she was like what I go these two

guys I watched them walk. All right. So wait, let me ask you a question. Now listen, I genuinely side with the guy like you. Yeah. So I'm just being devil's advocate here. Yeah. Why guy? Who doesn't like racist?

No, I was just giving it up. I'm like, all right, I get it. Was it a black girl behind the girl? Indian woman. I don't have it. I don't know. When he kept saying the word these it sounded racist Barista was black These

Here and I hear Edward a little right there. Yeah, I hear live. Let me ask you question Yeah, well the people waiting on you were they black people white, white kids, surf, hipsters, mixture. Who's a guy? No, a team. There was all kind of... I can't see a black guy going to cut strawberries. There was a white guy going to cut strawberries. We don't want to cut strawberries.

I shut up. Don't talk over everybody. Listen to your headphones, Christ sakes. Are you ordering me to read college? Listen, let me ask you a question. So you, there was a, who was the one who fucked up? The guy with the strawberries? I think did he fuck you? I think the tall guy with the strawberry was he a white guy?

He was not a white but what was it? What was it? He was not white. He was not black. He was either Latino or he was Latino. Yeah, okay. That's not the point The point you said tall the point is that He was tall. That's a fucking oddity. I might be me Leaster Big alright, so he's the guy who fucked you when he went and do she with the strawberries. Yeah So this girl had nothing to do with it. No, but she was the boss But she was the boss, but she had nothing to do with it really when she found out about it. She said what I'm sorry

I'm sorry and then what'd you say? I said well well fuck I go, you know, I got places to be here Yeah, I didn't know you could have been like Yeah, we would have been fine Well, yeah, I yes me I told you I had a bad experience like literally right before the whole deal. So you still mad about it Now I am again Now I am so you pissed off I brought it back up the thing that I am again. Now I am. So you pissed off I brought it back up. The thing that I, no I brought, I kind of brought it up,

but it was kind of churning at me. I wanted to tell somebody that because it was, it was in the train the whole time. You know what I mean? Cause I got it and I went right on the train. So I was underground with a bunch of other people. And you know, the noise of the train and it was all inside of me.

Was the coffee at least good? The coffees are right Because I did get like steaming hot water right on top of it. These people in the train. What was their ethnicity? I mean I couldn't even fucking guess I know I know I know everybody thinks that was the founder of comicon he's actually a black dude uh... but it's a bad

jesus christ you could have a every episode of psych kelly for stucco go around the room and you do it's everybody uh... with is yourself robber i'm last all eight i always do that i'm so sorry but the newcomers this is

bobby's code for he doesn't know somebody's name First of all, I know everybody's name because they said it when they did the sound check dumb dumb I do this when there's a lot of people all right. He likes to give me attention It's great. So oh my right with gut. I'm loving the t-shirts so much baby. You look great. All right This is gonna take a week Alright, all right, all right, we're in a list of many of short, courtesy of Frank E. Gwynn. I got mine too.

Yeah, Bobby's got one too. List of Mania's Jesus. I'm upset that you're not wearing it already, but, well, because I'm not gonna fucking do my stretch out thing here. I gotta, I gotta fucking steam it, wet it, and push it out, hang it overnight on some, on like a fucking recliner.

Attach it to two cars. I gotta, I gotta have him away really quick. I gotta put my T-shirts wet them and put them on the on like a fucking recliner. Attach it to two columns. I got to have him away really quick. I got to put my t-shirts wet them and put them on the back of a fluffy recliner for the evening. And then I put them on. Wow, glad the man is right. I just got pretty funny words. Come on, Kelly, let's speak.

And then do as right, we've got Brandon Collins back, looking great, looking good. And my pal, senior Hapsys Wake, Mike Brown. Yeah, we're up, yo, I was going on my browns here for some blackness in this park. Thank you. Thank God. And blacking it up a little extra there. Making up a Brandon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you bring your own head songs? Yeah, I did, I did. These are beats by Mike. And I mean, I'm beach by Mike. Stay with me out to him, man, all that baby. And in the middle, brand new, the podcast, I'm pretty sure I know that baby and in the middle brand new the podcast. I'm pretty sure I know your last names Jason Long

Yeah, I just said it five minutes ago People always the when people are barely know me they always slow down Have you buddy welcome Welcome to the room. And then backed by a public... No, no, no. Actually, convenience. He was in town. Not popular anything.

I've had no one person go. When is Eric Rivera coming back on? No one... No one tweet. No one fake. I haven't got a nudge on Facebook for this fucking slash Guatemalan reacon. Eric Rivera. We can step it up on Twitter, guys. but for this fucking slash Guatemalan reacon. Eric Rivera.

Because they've been up on Twitter, guys. Uh, huh, what's me? First of all, I want a new hairstyle out of you. I don't like, I wear vests and I host at the seller. I host any fucking 2005 Rivera. You don't like the hair? No, because I mean, it's been the same hairdo for fucking eight years.

It, no, it's actually, no, it's not. You married, it's not, you're done, okay. What do you do? What did you have to? What'd you get on fucking El Tolamundo? Get another fucking shitty, shitty fucking captain's insurance commercial? General.

General, sorry, did that make me fucking ill? I'm in some I'm in some extended stay doing some shithole and this fucking cock sucker is on stage uh how's it go how's the song go uh don't uh nothing I gotta remember it fucking hummed it go ahead oh sorry I got to car accident and I lost the new and the old guy from cocoon are just killing it on fucking insurance commercials What was it? I got to a car accident and I lost and then the wall wall comes on and then he laughs and then how's their jingle go? There's a jingle. What's the fuck?

Jingle how's it go? Oh, I don't remember yeah, you do you fucking sing it what do you I didn't sing it on the commercial what is it? Save some time go on apparently you know, I know Save some time go along let the general fucking go fuck yourself That's what the commercial says no, it says that you almost you're a state of comedia though, right? Yeah, and I got trash bad You were one of them. Yeah, well you you you know what first of all Yeah, first of all He just it just does it just bugs me to see you on a come just a shitty mediocre commercial It was a three in the morning. I couldn't sleep. I think they had somebody kicked out on the second

I just felt guilty like maybe it was me. I shouldn't have yelled maybe I should have more empathy for these fun Hey, you know, but I don't drink but me and then and then and say some time. Hey fucking Him and his perfect hair and his dumb fucking nobody knows how short you really are to commercial either See you you kind of look better on TV I'm gonna tell my shocked you with a stun gun. Yeah, and I made what I make you say Unfortunately though, so you kind of look better on TV. I'm gonna tell my shocked you with a stun gun. Yeah. What I make you say? I'm no many pet gal.

No, I'm many pet gal. Gluck, gluck. I had a stun gun. I don't know why. I had his stun gun and I was gonna stun him with it. Just see how it works. And he was so scared. He was in the closet of the hotel room in the corner, like bunched up and I had I was gonna stun him with it just see how it works and he was so scared he was in the closet of the hotel room in the corner like bunched up and

I go I'd say I'll let you I'll let you out if you say I'm money back I'm a bad guy because I want my coffee. Yeah, I just want coffee. I just got places to be. But she knows who the closet is. Thank you. I saw it happen, too. It's slow mo. There's one.

Oh, I got a stun gun. And nice, he bobby's eyes light up. Can I hold it? I was like, don't let him hold it. Can you do it again, many bucky-out. Yeah, but it was like, I was in tears. That made me so. You weren't in tears.

Don't fucking act like a fucking you have to watch bitches on Facebook. To my house. To my house. You had a house. You had a house. You had a house.

I didn't know those insurance and the commercial's paid that much. Jesus, where are your house? I didn't know that. I thought we were in a fucking shitty fucking hotel room in Tampa. Remember that? Yeah.

Tampa the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, It's gone now. Oh really? Thank God. Eminem lives there. Eminem lives where? Right by Marco Island there. Whatever that spot is no shit. I was saying Eminem just bought that house. Which house? 39 claps Water mile road. You understand an unfunny guy would have went. I don't fucking know That that would a regular unfunny person would have done I don't fucking fucking how many and yet you know I mean they know I'm funny. Yes, they do So I just which boy boy did I really carry the show last week boy? We missed you buddy really oh my god

It was embarrassing. I thought he's tweets. I heard Sam did a great show it was great but I mean I mean funny words I thought Sam I heard Sam did a Sam from the show not yet I send you a best of my lines and or the best of the show but the same thing I was up in the hampshire first of all I want to thank everybody in Rhode Island who came out to the comedy connection on Thursday night, which was awesome. We did an impromptu show over there. It was great. The chick from Boneheads came out. My friend, which is one of the best wings places on the fucking planet, brought a hundred wings, brought a bunch of t-shirts, a bunch of swag. We had a great show. A couple local guys went up, killed it. I went up, I tried to do a bunch of new shit We had a great show a couple local guys went up killed it I went up tried to do a bunch of new shit an hour of new stuff Which I fuck it couldn't do

Because the next night they were showing my hour special at the Rhode Island Film Festival riff It was great It they that we gave away everybody got free tickets to the. The next night who came to the show the night before. It was just a fucking great show. I love comedy shows. It's great, but when you can fuck around and do different shit and kind of just show up on a Thursday at a club and your fans show up and give them a bunch of shit, we all

had wings. We signed a bunch of autographs, took some photos. Everybody got free tickets to the theater the next night, even if they couldn't make it. What they did is they had us in a 180 cedar for the, are you going to, do you have to shit? No, there's that your face. Okay. That's his resting face. That's the concentration. Alright dude, that's my follow every line in case I'm quizzed on it.

I'm just... So, they, they had us in a 180 c theater andseat theater and then at the last minute the week of they changed us to a three thousand-seat theater. Like where we're fucking Mary Poppins place. It was one of the most beautiful- She's really hard. That's a really good stuff. They had this really amazing film in front of me. You've been a film festival, see if you've gone to any of them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're fucking great.

I love them, you know. Well, one of the films are good. Well, some of them suck, they're a little, but I had a really good film in front of me. I forget the guy's name, I should plug. I'll plug him later. We'll plug him on the Facebook and the Twitter, but his film was great.

It was, I was a little nervous, because if his tanks and its shitty or or fucking sad and then mine comes on yeah I was louis opening you know yeah this is me with that this is me without that's the difference why don't they like me yeah I that's why he's not here this week. I don't want fucking, I want Louis back. When Louis can be Louis, I'll have him back. I don't want whatever the fuck sunglasses thing

wearing asshole, I'm a character. And then he does his new show called The Real As Dude, where he's himself, and he lets, no, I want that guy. Right. I can't be myself on your show I had to start a new podcast so I can beat no you don't fuck face Maybe he had a rough weekend of shows and like a boxer at the end of the week He's just got to wear glasses a week long. I wish he was like a boxer and when you took the glasses off

There was two fucking black eyes. We have two black guys It was too fucking black eyes. We have two black guys Bada bada bada bada Everybody I'm trying so we so we showed up and there was a couple hundred people there a few hundred people at the theater It was actually pretty good It was weird. This is the craziest shit ever is to be in the theater and Watch people watch you do stand up. Oh, that's interesting.

Because I'm sitting there like, oh shit, like first of all, these aren't all my fans. These are fans of the film festival. And I'm like, oh my god, and you're waiting for the laughs. Thank God that people laughed at. Because two old people walked out 20 minutes in I said something like yes stick it in our ass I don't know what I said something terrible like awful like I looked at my manager I was like why why did you leave that in because you said it you know it was like one of those like why would I have a say that on film 20 minutes is pretty good though yeah 20 minutes they're old yeah

They walked out and then another guy walked out three people walked out they were all old and then we did a Q&A after which was fucking crazy Because you know it's stand up. You don't fucking you know to Q&A But they were actually really nice And then I went straight to fucking the hampsha A I went to the white mountains for a week My uncle fucking a my uncle's three uncles bought a plot of land in the middle of nowhere You know what I'm golden pond. That lake. They bought a on the top of the hill.

They bought this fucking plot of land 25 years ago. We used to go up there and camp on it and shit in the hole. Now he's got this fucking house with a guest house, Jacuzzi, a chipping green, a putting green, a fuck, it's fucking nuts. It's like a five star resort now, this my uncle built. So me and Don went up there with the kid and did all kinds of hiking and all kinds of bullshit. You've been up to white mountains, right?

There's a kid job. It used to be a gig up there years ago. Decoordie had a room up there. It was an old hotel. I did that gig. It's over, that was over by Lakoneer, some shit. Yeah, it was like a crazy old It would look like the the shining hotel there. Yeah, what was that hotel called the overlook overlook?

Man, I really love it. Yeah, the other make comments. We got real quiet In this You're asking the blackout with slannel wearing slannel all the time Sticker white mountains man, you can't. Matt, I used to go camping, you know this. We don't go camping. You can't, brother. I'm from Michigan.

Hang on one second. You can't. Do you fish? I've never caught a fish man. No, have you fish? Yeah. Really? Do you canoe?

Do a fucking nice to catch a fish to say you fish. It's like Kelly with laughs Comedy, you know with Lewis. Yeah, I thought you might be on my side Kelly first of all at least he's fucking funny and alright That's what yeah, I can't do no is just says Kelly's a fat con fucker. I'm a totted bitch I had to pick somebody Law had I don't know well enough Eric and afraid of you're black Jason Do you have a camp or anything? Oh, I grew up on Lake area my parents houses on Lake area. Oh no shit I used to fish all the time. I

Used to we did we weren't much about camping family because there's so many of us and we were poor. You know what I mean? She's a great opportunity to camp. Yeah, well, that's your camp. No, we were poor people. It was a different, it was a different port. Like our summers were full with, my dad was a high school basketball coach.

So our summers were full with like off season stuff, camps and stuff like that, like basketball camps. So we didn't camp like that. We had many of you with it. We went out on our own and our own little packs of friends. So like, I used to walk through the woods and go through crakes and we would slingshot at squirrels and fish.

Should you go up in the 40s? Yeah. Yeah. Actually, you know what's funny is that pan? What's funny is I'm 42 and a couple months from those brain chickens. So yeah, I'll be 42 in a couple months of my brain chickens so yeah I'll be 42 and a couple months I grew up in the late 70s early 80s when kids played outside and we didn't have I mean we didn't have

that kind of I was a young as a seven man we might not lock the screen door at 10 in the morning in the summer she was a teacher so she was home all day she locked the screen door after we a breakfast and we didn't we weren't allowed to come back into that thing until after like dinner at like six o'clock. We would drink out of the hose and play in the back yard. Oh yeah, man, seven of us. Yeah, I was in the 70s too. I mean, you'd go out all day, you'd be gone, you'd be at the park, you'd go in the fucking woods, you'd build a ramp,

you'd play chase, you'd ring and run, and then when it went, you'd hear your mother screaming, one mother could fuck it all up Be like let's go and then we die at him. Yeah, I'm not I'm not one of those stay out as long as you stay at their house as long as they'll have Yeah, type fan. We were just like is this in the first guest that's been older than you on the show He's not older than me. I was trying to go for a bit. Yeah Speaking of fishing let me throw this one out of there. I want you to put that on your chest. But you never camped. No, you know what? No, I don't. I can't. Please, don't. I can't. I can't. You know, why are you putting

it? What the fuck do you do? This is an MTV fucking 20 years ago. Yo, yo, yo, Bob What's up? You know, Bob, you know, man, I came two weekends ago man. It was good I mean I did car camping. I don't know if you ever did that before you know, I mean brother made some for song That's when you run out of gas going to a gig Okay, yeah, yeah, you know, you got to make a sexy now man I was the only problem in rafting to I was in the water. I was scared of that But the camp was cool camp was real good What are you doing right now

I'm just feeling I'm yeah Listen, no, I feel that you you and meant to this canoeing and shit, man It's fucking less one of my what was I supposed to do you suppose you supposed to say you know Yeah, it's like a marriage divorce over here. You guys really go into your own thing Hang on a second stop everybody stop. It's like a marriage divorce over here. You guys really go into your own thing. Hang on one second, stop. Everybody stop. What the fuck is a marriage divorce? He's a lie. I fucked it up.

Isn't it just divorce? Let's go, folks. Dude, are we supposed to assume? Man, no. That's not a bombanna. That's a retarded person trying to get it. That's a cry for hell. That was in a joke.

What the fuck? We can't even, we can't give him the credit to imagine that that was a joke. That's like when Deniro came out of his coma with that Robin Williams movie, it's like marriage divorce. Oh wow, give me that bandana. I really, that was a long Jesus Christ. Okay, put the shirt on because he's like, what are you right now? Can you bring in a Robin Williams?

Jesus. I thought we were done with that. We're going to talk about that on the second half of the show, but we talked about it last week. You didn't even listen. Yeah, we're done with that. We're gonna talk about that on the second half of the show But we talked about it last week. You didn't even listen. Yeah, we'll talk. So are you listen to the episodes? You're not on I had a couple good lines. I heard the one I Listened to the board boy. I was real but name the episode here's a deal I don't listen to it because I'm on vacation. I don't want to fucking I'm on my phone. I'm off the grid man Dog will listen to it the way home.

I was up, let me tell you something, I went, I have my boat, my boat. You have a boat? I'm gonna, hang on, I'm gonna fucking tie you if you shut the fuck up. What's the name of your boat? Mule and quim's relax. Oh, white party's in all that on the boat? No, it's not a, listen, if pop your pain oh god what are you doing the boat shut up you have a captain's hat you make everyone call you captain

the head you're all for you first of all it's a one person fly fishing boat, okay? It's a sea eagle which is a company out of Long Island. You got a boogie board. No, it's a fucking one person boat. It's a sea boogie. It's like, I'm just a vision body. It's a fucking boogie of fly fishing.

You can't, you got a kayak. It used to be a deck. It's a, and run it out, but it's go-plows. It's a fucking sea eagle which is a Long Island company. And it's a pontoon boat. It's a Class Aago, which is a long island company, and it's a pontoon boat. It's a Class A rapids. It's a luxury fly fishing boat. I mean, it's high end.

You got the patience to fly fish? Yeah, well, I'm going to get to that, because I was on a pond, Cokesky pond, and the middle of, you have to go in the middle of fucking nowhere, drive through FOM country, and you get there, and I was the only one there, and you put my boat on the water, I go into the middle of this fucking pond, in the middle of mountains, and there's nothing, there's nothing. The wind changes, the sun goes away, comes back, it's like this crazy solitude of fucking just quietness which is scary it's petrifying it's petrifying to go out on a lake by yourself on a pond with nobody else and sit there and fish I mean there's there's wildlife everywhere you don't

have to fuck is where there's beavers there's all kinds of shit and there's nobody it's it's kind of fucking cool to do that, to get over that shit and kind of sit in that quietness. That's fucking quiet. You really can't be quiet in New York City. You know, there's gonna be a- I'm gonna be a- Hey, that's the last one. I'll do a scuffle next.

I'm sorry, I did it. I'm gonna put somebody in the joke. I'm gonna put somebody in the joke. I'm gonna fuck a list of maniacs today. I'm gonna fuck a list of maniacs today. I'm gonna fuck a list of maniacs today. I'm gonna fuck a list of maniacs today. I'm gonna fuck a list of maniacs today. I'm gonna put somebody in the joke. Listen, I'm a fucking list of maniac today. You're a fucking loser, buddy. I'll put a scope over into the next joke.

Your equally as bad. Ah, it's okay, I'm just kidding Chris. So that's what I did. I hiked with the kid and I took the kid to all these fucking crazy places. Story land. Love Story land. I'm with it with my niece and nephew. Yeah, it's actually the second part.

Because I'll tell you why, because it's not like, you know, most amusement parks are for adults too. And they have kid places. This is just for kids. Like once you're a fucking 13, you're done with this place. This is all kids and my kid flipped the, it was crazy for me to be at one of these places that I grew up at and to be there with my kid.

I went to a fun spot. Oh yeah, yeah. Remember the game joint. Video, it's the biggest video game place and the one of the oldest in the world. It's the biggest video game place and one of the oldest in the world. It's the way you ever see the movie King of Khan. Oh my God, that's the best. That's the place.

Yeah, hold. Remember where they did, remember the place where he had to go? Billy Mitchell. Yeah, that's the place where they have like centipede and they have the games, but they have the world champions, the photos above them. And every world champion of a

video game looks like he molested children. It's just every single one of them. Spent the day at as computer technology progressed, they probably ended up did going to to molest children. Yeah. When you think about what? I'm with you. I'm with you. Yeah. Hang on a second. I'm thinking about how. Yeah. When you think about it. What? Like when you're talking to a couple of little really bad things.

Hang on, let's take a second. No, I was thinking about it. Hang on, let's take a second. Wait, you peered out, though. You peered out. I think I was more of a flat tongue. Yeah, I think you're coffee. You needed to kick in with your coffee.

Yeah, sometimes when the people... It was like you got really sad in the middle of your day. Yeah, I did. I actually did when I hit the word pedophile. I just kind of gave up. I didn't come here to say that today. Well, you guys watch Ray Dunnevin? Yeah, I do.

I've been watching the second season though, so don't ruin that shit. Oh great, I'll just shut down my show for you. Is you're a fucking lazy asshole. Yeah, come on, man. It's a scandal. That's just scandal with a white dude, man. What is it?

It's scandal with a white dude. What the fuck? It's scandal with a white dude. It's just scandal with a white dude man. What is it? It's scandal what? What the fuck? scandal with a white dude scopo you watch scandal you've watched it I know what you're watching read on them right on if it's better than fucking scandal what the fuck is scandal scandal is a show about with a carry wash and some black actors and she and she fixes everybody's problems Oh, I know her the chick with the lip. Yes She has she taught because her tongue is too big for a mouth But she took some class and she learned how to fucking deal with it And now everyone's in a while in the field if you pick up on it, you'll hear her and she said you say my tongue is too big

I'm really hot black chick, but my tongue is too big for my mouth By far the best impression you've ever done and it was an accident Besides already laying Yeah, I heard you do a good already. I'm supposed I did already on a show for you Supposedly I do a pretty good one Already said the only guy I've heard that does a great one. You want to, you want to, I'm from Jersey and that's who this cocks. I want to defend me against my arrow in the back.

That's hilarious. I love the Jersey boys. That's hilarious. I always say that he, like at the end he always like fades out like he's talking on a wiretap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like he actually I'm from a city called the Rain outside of Cleveland, which is even a more depressed thele town and he's played it before. There's no theater. And he would say something like he'd be like, oh, so you're from the rain. Listen, I played theraine. It's Cleveland, like Malbo.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like any Andy Taper, I'm like, Yeah, because he listen to me the only time. Yeah, he's, uh, it's in it. It's right there. It's like, it's like, it's a... Yeah, you got a couple of blank guys on the show today.

So, uh, I asked Joe Lynch to come in and he... I don't know what the hell is going on. And he comes in with a couple of blank guys. I don't know what the hell is going on that black guy, so the whole thing is going. That's who you got the laugh. See, I don't have the laugh. I almost passed out just doing that. So anyways.

I think that Ray Donovan, I think Ray Donovan is scandal, to get back to that. I don't think it's even remotely in the same fucking thing. One, okay, she is a professional fixer in politics. Okay, Ray Donovan is a fucking thug that worked his way into, he does everything, he does it all. All right, and first of all, Ray Donovan is... Have you say his last name? Ray Donovan.

Donovan. Donovan. Donovan. Donovan. I say Donovan. You're saying Donovan. I'm gonna fucking Donovan your face. How's that? With my fucking Ray Dunnevin fucking Impression that I can fucking do. EBS. EBS. Could this fucking wife just get killed already?

Oh, yeah, she's like, aww. How does a woman nag the viewer? I mean, she like nagged me. I'm like, just shut the fuck up fuck up. I mean it's like I'm not even married till you're in the at screen and your nagging the shit out of it. My wife fucking called her a cunt last night. My wife was like, oh what a cunt. I was like, hey, he's father's me because she's so ugly. Yeah, that's the part.

That's the main problem. It's a false fuck. At least the man dude, you bang on my face. First of all, that's how Melah had her moments. That shouldn't bother you, Scopo. Okay, all right all that's how mel ahead her moments that shouldn't bother you scope oh okay all right that's like then being bothered that fucking Jamie Foxx is black all right maybe you got the joke I have a little time okay I don't get it because he's ugly because I tight

oh wow I literally because I it was because ugly women were in his future. I thought that's what it was meant. Wow, regular. Wow, I can't wait. Hang on a second. Glad I'm glad I didn't put a blood knot on that. There you go. Put that around your fucking dish.

Ray Dunham, he's the voice of HBO Sports. Yeah. It's a great show. What's up with the F247? The documentary. Well, he's all the documentaries, I think. What's the one's hard knocks? Hard knocks.

Hard knocks, what's the hard knocks? He watched that show. I've watched it. I don't watch it. It's amazing. Yeah, he's all the documentaries I think what's the one's hard knocks hard not watch that show I've watched it I don't watch it it's amazing yeah he does all the document I don't know if you do the difference from what I said I watched it but I don't watch it I do yeah you've seen it but you don't regularly watch it what am I asshole I love read out of it's watching sports center over and over and over what is hard not I mean if essentially it's like watching five sports centers in one day. But you get the fights and the swear. You do a little bit, but you do a lot of things. I mean, yeah.

But I'm saying at the end of the day, what you watch for four or five episodes, you're like, eh, that's it. Hey, I don't want to fucking be that involved with these people. I don't want to see all that horshid. I just want to see this stupid game. I don't want to know that you fucking giggle. You kind of feel that. I like that guys getting cut though. That's what's fun about us. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to see this stupid game. I don't want to know that you fucking giggle You kind of feel bad. I don't like the guys getting cut though. That's what's about us Yeah, I don't want to see that shit. I just so much depressing shit in our business

We don't make it and people get cut and people just go away and all of a sudden they're on a cruise and they're dead And then all of a sudden it's like I don't want to see that that part of you see sports It's to get away It's to maybe have hope as your team and to win something and you know, it feel good and all of a sudden you're seeing the reality of it that some fucking unlucky douche. He's got a family and where the fuck does he go?

Where does he go? Show me that but then show me where the fuck he goes after that. Show me that he fucking makes it or gets a job. But I never watched that 30 for 30 shit. Like the one about the moon broke. Yeah, that's what the guy does. He gets a cut. He goes and gets a job and I've never watched that 30 for 30 shit. Like the one about the moon broke. Yeah, that's what the guy does. That gets a cut.

He goes and gets a nice job. And he's got a great story. And he can fucking walk the rest of his life. How about the guys that play in the NFL? They never win. They get all busted up and broken. And then they're fucking has-bins with, they lose all their money.

That could be the sad story. Some of those guys getting cut might be the best and never happened there. You're really good when you're funny You try to fucking be serious you I'd rather listen to Phyllis dillard One of the greats of all times. She's not one of the greats. She's not one of the greats. Phil is Dylan's one of the greats. I don't know, I've never seen it, but it was

supposed to pretend these women are just as good. She's been trying for a whole life. Oh, there he is. All right, here's a deal. Kelly, I want to say something to everybody here. Kelly's leaving America. Mm-hmm. Doc, jeez. What? We were going to talk about it? Yeah, we're going to talk about it right now.

Okay. Why? What did you want to fucking do? A whole episode about it? You're a 15 minute before the break. No, I'm kidding. Go. I haven't really told people.

Really? Oh, I've been telling everybody. I've been a big. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's I'm going home for six months. Which means forever. I don't like when you say that. It's true. I guarantee you don't come back. I'm leaving stuff here. What are you leaving? Yeah, stuff that you can throw away anyways.

Your jeans, your underwear. You're fucking your acts are killing me. Fuck! That was a photo finish. I think you got to go to the photo to see we got that one out first It's too easy though now Jason because it's always the same bit. So it's like I like coming on I have a the underwear that was a good one. That is good underwear was the jeans was better than I Here's a deal. Yeah, here's why here's good here. It was funny. Here's why you're not coming back the exact thing

You just said I want to rewind when you said, eh, it was funny, but it's the same thing, you know, the acting. You're done with taking shit. You're done with people fucking with you. You're done with people fucking about your act. You're just done. You want to go back home where people, number one, respect you in some way, care about you, treat you nice, and don't fuck with you

as much as you get fucked with here. I have a lot of people here. Yes, I know. I have a lot of people that care about me and don't fuck with me and respect me here. Sometimes they're not ill in this room. You know, here's a thing. Here's a thing.

I'm about to fuck you. I'm stuck to you and care about you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I know you guys love me and Joe before he say anything shout out. I know you guys. You was ready. You were the chair. I had one in the chair. I know that it comes from a place of love and I can take it from you guys. I know that. If it comes at the end of the day, you guys are like, you know, you know. You know.

You not do us. Anyway. Cal, listen. I want to tell you. Cal, I just want to tell you. Cal, I don't call you Cal first of all. Kale, listen. I want to tell you what I'm going to do. Kale, I just want to tell you. Kale, I don't call you Kale first of all asshole. Hey, Kale, don't give yourself nicknames. Kale.

Kale, Kale. Hey, Kale. Let me tell you something, Kale. I know today's show is hard. Shut the fuck up. But that's all good. And I have other people that give a shit about me, and I have a very good life here.

But you know, I had to block Lewis on Monday. What? That's all good and I have other people like give a shit about me and I have a very good life here better The this you know like you know had a block loss on Monday. What's what block? Why? Twitter because why is shit that he was saying to me what if anyone else? I mean I screen dumped it It's this guy is made my life miserable and I need are you kidding me? I'm not kidding you. He's made my life He has a website that says califistookasucks.com and that's how we promotes himself has any how that about this for ages and it's just like so if you thought I don't Kelly have you thought of getting better or by

lousy Gomez sucks that I've kids fans of the show have done that and they've emailed me and have gone hey I've bought it for you yeah I'm all sorry. Fans of the show have done that and they've emailed me and have gone, hey, I've bought it for you. It's all yours to promote. But here's why I don't do it. I'm not him. I'm not going to go down to his level and do and bake fun of people and be a just stupid shit like that. He does it. I don't do it.

Oh, I'm better. Oh, sorry. Easy. So I think it's a lot of it. So Kelly, why did you block him? Because you're just saying some horrible stuff Like why don't you quit comedy and be a production assistant already? I'm 50 times funny other than you 50 No, I don't know. What were you wearing? You must have been retorting. No, I

I wasn't even gonna talk about this but I've found a show tweeted to me and put him in the handle going hey Kelly is so great that he you back on the show given it to Lewis again. And he was like, really giving it, the only she's, he said to me like, oh, she's a retarded whore. And Bobby, Bobby only laughs at her. I don't know why Bobby laughs at her. Laughs at her jokes or something like that. And then it started. And then, you know, and then to end it, I'm like, I just can't be bothered. Why would I let that come into my life? And thing is he's a beautiful guy with a big heart? I don't know why he has to pretend to have this hatred He's pretending I don't know what it is

My dad actually is a good dude spit it out. What do you know? He's sitting there for an hour dude? So you leaving because Lewis is giving you shit. No, no, no, no, no. I've had some health problems and I have to go home and deal with that. Okay. So what the fuck are you talking about? That's what, where's the, what the fuck are you talking about? You have health problems.

No, no, no, I just, I had, are these problems because of Lewis? No, no, no, I just, it was a few things. Lewis gave you AIDS. No, I had. What the fuck? You got me, you were telling one. You got, you got rattlesnake AIDS? No, no, no. Lewis gave you aids What the f**k You got you got rattlesnake aids My god, that's the worst aids RSA

Yeah We got it I'm gonna fucking shit in the shirt I kind of do you feel bad that he's not here to like defend his you know disgusting tweets and stuff. No because if he was here just be screaming it would be another it was getting to the point where you two it was just any time you guys on the show is just you two going at it and it's like it was and it was getting boring like it wasn't gonna change so I just had to like take myself out of it. So you're moving. Yeah. You're moving for good. This was you're gone. Just to say I just you're going for half a year though. Yeah, I'm gonna go home in time for the festival season.

So here's what's gonna happen. Can I explain to you what's gonna happen. She's been here grinding it out for a long time. Okay. Okay. For years. Grinding it out. You know, it gets taxing. This you become a headliner in another town, and then show up here as the new guy that can do 45 minutes of solid material, you kind of supersede shit. You go faster than, but if you come here as the new guy, you're always the fucking new guy.

You understand? You get to kind of sometimes go away, become a little better or get your shit together somewhere. And then come back and be like, oh shit, you got, you got, oh, you're new. Like, you're too close to club owners and people and sometimes you gotta go away, but you're gonna go away and you're gonna get home

and it's gonna be fun. And you're doing that in reverse. You left there, came here going back. Oh, you're way funnier than you were here four years ago. So you're gonna that in reverse. You left there, came here, going back, oh, you're way funnier than you were here four years ago. So you're gonna get stuff there. You're gonna get TV shows or blah, blah, blah, the festival, and you're gonna get comfortable and your family and people nice to you there.

And you can be as fat as you want there and nobody's gonna fuck with you. Um, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, fucking, you know, you'll be like, why am I going to go back? Wait tables, hustle, being the grind again. You'll come back here when something brings you back here. But I tell you, maybe, yeah, and I, I hope I hope I mean, I'll hope I'm back in like, I promise, but I'll say, do you have a ticket? Nope. There you go. I have no money. Damn. How much money is it? 1800. Oh, hell. I was the money. That was one much money is it? 1800. Oh.

Oh. That was one of my deciding factors. My best friend was getting married and I didn't have the money to come back anyway. All right. Here's the deal. We're going to raise money. The donations for the next six months are going to go to Kelly's trip back here because we're going to make her come back even if she doesn't want to.

No, that would be awesome if they raise the money. Oh my God. 18 hundred bucks. I'm from back for the podcast though. You guys. Why don't you take Bobby's vote? What, he's piece of wood. No.

No way, he's spent $1800 on the food. I feel bad that you guys never worked that shit out. I really do. I feel like sometimes when he wants it to be, when it's up to him, we're really good, but when it's, but I can't be friends with someone who's inconsistent with what, either hate me or love me, I don't care,

because then I know how to react to you. And I don't understand, look, maybe I know you're fucking, you bug me over the years. I hate your accent. Yeah. Australian accent just fucking years. I hate your accent. Yeah. Australian accent just fucking blows. I think you're gonna say scent.

I don't know. It's good for like a 30 second commercial. Yeah. Australian accent, I always say, Australian New Zealand is great for no more than a 30 second spot. Yeah, yeah. Just get me into something.

Tell me some about my insurance rates. And I'm gonna show you. Oh my God. Woo. Yeah, that's it. All right. Yeah, well, how long is it? Shit And then show up. Oh my god. Woo. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, how long is it? Shit, no shit up. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't want to be there in a green room with you. Yeah. Anyways, what do you think I should do with my career? I was like, baby, I was like, baby, I was like, hang on one second, Eric, anything? Uh, nothing. All right, good. Glad you showed up today.

What the fuck, you LA comics? Did you get all fucking? Oh, I started here, dude. You're not here. You're an LA comic. Oh, no, I'm not. Anybody here? I've been here.

Anybody know Eric Rivera from here? Yes? Did you ever know Eric Rivera? Raise your hand if you know Eric Rivera. Just the mania knows me from here. That's all I need. Yeah, once. It's the mania. me from here. That's all I need. Yeah, what is the mania?

You're an L.A. L.A. guy, dude. I'm not like that. Now, first of all, you don't even put a reek in Guatemala and you're Mexican, though. That's a fact. That's a fact. You're a meaner.

Wow. What? That's what you guys say. Who was that guy? You guys. I don't like the scene right here. What a meaner. You guys. That's a nice guys say Who's that? You guys, I don't like the scene right here These people are the guys I don't know

That's the nice way I say it I hope they just gave him racist names I'm like this is what you are What the fuck are you guys? Talk about shitty black baristas The black was just a personal experience though You call black people lazy?

Whoa! I did not You said you haven't watched season two because black people are lazy. I didn't say that. You said you were in your lazy, but I heard the tone. Didn't like the tone. Hashtag Ferguson. So don't hashtag it again.

You're gonna talk about that on the podcast. We're gonna talk about that. We're gonna talk about that for a while. As long as you don't gonna talk about that on the podcast. We're gonna talk about that. No, we're gonna talk about that. We're gonna talk about that for real. We're gonna talk about that for real. As long as you don't get so fucking that character you do. Well, his name is Mike Brown. His name is Mike Brown. He's got a different, uh, he's got a rather pretty.

He's easy, easy, easy. I felt bad for you because I'm from Cleveland. You had the same name as the coach, but I forgot about that. That's fine, man. She's real. Yeah, shit. We get into that body, we're real.

Yeah, we'll get into it. I would like to get into it. Should we get the cops of you? Well, we're gonna get into that Bob even real. Yeah, we'll get into it. I would like to get into it. Should we get the cops of here? We're gonna get into it after I ask. We'll talk about that next the hour. But here's the deal. The severance package he's getting is gonna be fine. He'll get another show somewhere.

He's like fine. It's a Craig Ferguson joke. It's pretty good. Bobby, can I take this off mine? Oh, there was Smattery in the vlog. That was one of the things that got mine? That was Smattering. That was one of them. That was one of them. That was one of them. That was the explanation.

That was the explanation. What's the explanation? What's the explanation? It's a bum. The explanation was the puns. There was Smattering. Hang on a second. The Smattering was the fuck.

This is why you're going back to the game. I was waiting for another one. I enjoyed it. I was waiting for another one. I thought you had one more to give. I don't want the package. The setup was the package. Alright, so here's a deal. Let's tie it by here. I want to just, I want to get this back to Cali real quick,

is that you leave and when you leave and about three weeks. So you're off the show. Are you still going to be involved in it in a little way, right? I'm sorry. All right. What's something we'll talk? What is the hell are you better now? Are you feeling all right? Yeah, I'm all right. I just got a little bit sick for a while. I just took the fucking Jesus out of me and I need to what kind of sick It was one thing after another after another I had I got a really bad flu and then a really bad science infection And then I done some damage to my right eye with a science infection then I had some other stuff You got damn it damaged your eye. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I got new glasses How do you fuck up your eye with a sinus infection? I had some other stuff. You got damage to your eye? Yeah, yeah, that's why I got new glasses.

How do you fuck up your eye with a sinus infection? I don't know. I have to say a specialist and I kind of forward one here. So I'm going home. So you have to go home. Yeah. You're going home to get fixed. Yeah, in all aspects of the world. You're like the team, man.

Like, if it's hurt, fertility too, you say. What'd you say? What'd you say? I just went to grab the baby and I'm like, my best girlfriend. So Kelly, you going home? We were supposed to. You going home? Who are you going to stay with? Stay with my sister.

So you're going to stay with your sister? You're going to try to do the comedy festival. Are you in there? Are you getting some spots? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's stuff set set up there where it's I'm excited to Girl, why are you laughing? You said it really funny. You said it like a sexy romantic DJ. Yeah, you go on Really? It made my penis so Are you gonna get some spots? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got some stuff set up now Now, I want to ask you a question, because you know me,

I'm a fatty too. Yeah. And, you know, I'm struggling. I'm trying to get back. I'm struggling too, man. I just went three, I went on to three week tear. I mean, just a fucking tear. Yeah, have you seen my arms lately?

I'm looking right at them. Yeah, they're right. I'm actually so fat, I'm looking at your arms in a food way. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket.

You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket.

You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. You're like a brisket. That'd be a great title. Do you know what he hits that get just on that lazy black people? Jesus Christ, Bobby.

Put it right on the... God. What the fuck? Do you have to shit again? Can we get him some sunglasses? So Kelly, are you gonna go back? Are you gonna get back in a shape? Are you gonna really step on it?

Yeah. So you're going get back in a shape, you're gonna really step on it, you're gonna, yeah. So you're going back to get into shape, you're gonna work on comedy, you're gonna stay, still do a comedy. Of course. So you're gonna try to, all aspects, you're trying to revamp everything.

Uh huh. And do you wanna come back? I do. I do, and it makes me sad when I hear, no, no, but it makes me sad. It's like, oh, you never come back. And I was like, oh man, like I, I, I, I, God, it me sad. It's like, oh, you never come back. And I was like, oh man, I, I, I, I, I, God. It's very, I feel like I won't even look on it.

Let's get some time on. Here's Kelly. Kelly's gonna cry. Kelly's gonna cry. I know. I know. Making that decision. Making it too late.

How did he do that? He's not going yet. I don't know. I'm talking. I'm like, I'm like, I'm you guys, fuck you. I'm out, how did you do that? She's not going yet. I don't know. I'm like, how do you guys fuck you? I'm out of here. This has been my home for the last four years, and making the decision to leave is very, very difficult.

Yeah, and you're going to be sad about leaving it up in your family. What about the show? I mean, you're a big part of the show. Yes, Bobby. It's a very difficult decision, all of it. And it took me like two months to make my mind and But you leave very sad about it, but you leave in me. Hi, you leave me with scopo. I know I'm so sorry I got fucking I got this fucking Lesbo head. Let's get a hot chick to take her place. This what where?

I don't know. We need a hot chick that does comedy By the way, I hope this eye injury gets to eye patch level at some point. I really would like you to come back with an eye patch and a pack like what would you do. What am I gonna ask you? She came back with a patch and now it was her hook and she just took off. Her hook should be the hook too. Yeah. I've seen the eye patch comic she's so funny. That would be hilarious. NBC's dead up at a bus. Kelly's crying, we got it.

Cry! Yeah! Yeah! She's crying. Here's the bandana, here's the bandana. She's crying. She's the only happens after the episode for one and a half hours. Second one.

I don't know what you said. I just noticed it. You wanted me to talk about it. Scobo hasn't changed the camera view in fucking two hours Why are you here? Why do you exist? Why do you sit in the fucking chair? What I put the camera? You know why because I'm funny that's why that's funny gold About a career so I feel bad. Oh Jesus. That much. See, you don't know how to be funny. So, can we send him to Australia?

I'd love to. You know what? I fucking love you to have a fucking a nice pleasant accent. Fucking content. A little foreign exchange situation there. Do you feel touched the ground, Eric? That chair goes down? Fucking kid, he's fucking spinning like he's a little kid on a chair.

They're a little kid at a fucking ice cream shop. I want that one and that one and Jimmy's. Kelly. No Kelly. Does a nice cream shop with squirrely chairs? Yeah they have squirrely chairs. The old ice cream shops. The old ones. I think you meant to say barbershops, and you said ice cream shops. No, I didn't do it with him in lawhead. Yeah, 70s.

No, no, no. Ice cream used to be a nickel, all right? Easy. Hey, fuck you. Go fuck yourself. You used to be a nice guy. You remember bread? Bread used to be seven cents, all right?

Bob, take it easy. You're a bread used to be seven cents all right Bob take it easy your bread flat The beat art bread against a rock. Oh. Yeah, you have to take the crust off and fucking throw it against the rock for fucking eight minutes, then roll all your food. You fucking joint smoke and cock suckers. All right. No, one of the first. Care is gonna miss you a little.

Kelly, I'm gonna miss the hell out of you. I'm gonna miss you guys so much. Like, it's ridiculous. I'm gonna miss you. You guys have been my family for last four years. That's been Christmas with you. I know. Habibu's with Joey, you know what I mean?

Like it. We got a barbecue this Sunday. Oh, shit. You guys are on a barbecue. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This Sunday.

Are you gonna have Hanuken? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your kid drink, man? What's your kid drink? What's your drink? What kind of sauce are you? What you do? You do the dry rub, what you do? Yeah, y'all rips.

Can I start with you? Can you not fake it? You sound racist trying to be a black guy. Yo, yo, what you do? What you do? Jesus Christ. I'm gonna do a nice rub. You're like, yo, yo, why are we going to the barbecue? What you do what you do Jesus You're like yo yo yo why we be going to the

What the fuck dude you do the worst black guy ever You sound racist when you do a black guy Yes Um Yes, yes you do What time you available I got comfortable bothers right here. No, if you guys are time you say add to ours I'll be there. Well, first you have a you have a car. No, I got friends though. You have a car. He's my home You have a car. No, here's a He's my home. Do you have a car? No, I have a zip car membership I know you live on it. It's such a white I won't get one cuz I'm white

What This motherfucker's got a zip car membership. Oh You guys are more than welcome to come all you guys J you come to absolutely if you want to come But I know that that's why you say that Check your schedule Ericka you in town. I'm not at least moment. Oh my god Wow, no, I'm kidding at a leave tomorrow. Oh my God. Um, wow. No, I'm kidding. Of course, you can come by my house and you can just roll by my house. You can just bring the doorbell.

No, no, no, no, no, you're not here. No, no, no, no. Yeah, don't come in. I don't want to hear my neighbor. There's somebody at your door. I know, I know them. I know them. He has a zip car.

Look at the car. It's his zip on the side. So, Kelly, I's zip on the side. You're a fucking fucking... So, Kelly, I really hope you come back. I mean, you're a big part of the show. You know, you're... You're a really, really big part. You're a half the show.

When you sit down on the show. That's funny. I hope, you know, it's sad too. I mean, it's sad. This is what sucks for me, is that we have enough fucking bullshit. People not liking you in this business. You know what I mean? And usually we only get stuff from each other.

When somebody gets something, we help each other out. That's what my, I would hope if anything my show is, I want people, my people, to know about you, Jay and you, Mike. And, you know, I want you guys to, you know, you are people to know about my people. We kind of share each other's, you know, fan base and we elevate each other's shows and people come out and see us and understand that, you know,

just because I'm this style of comedy and my friends are these guys. We're all kind of friends. We all help each other out. And it sucks when, you know, Louis, we should be helping each other. You guys shouldn't be you know, Lewis, we should be helping each other. You guys shouldn't be blocking each other. We should be fucking helping each other, get people.

I know, Kelly, and I know that Lewis is Lewis, you know, and he is what he is, and he's evolving too. So he's trying to figure out what the fuck he's doing. He's almost walking up right now. So. Well, I mean, I might have why we stood it out before we laid. I don't know everything about Twitter, but can I still insult both of you at your handles

if I wanted to? Yeah, okay, just because you're blocked like if somebody wanted to jump in and just be like a salt, a salt, a- He just can't tag me in. Oh, but he couldn't continue to thread. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it just went, and it was like five in a row with that,

it was on to me. It was like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, to me. I was like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. You know, here's the thing. I'll tell you what your problem is. This is what's bothering you, not what he said. It's that you want him to fucking be your friend. Oh yeah. That's all you want. You love his kid, his wife, his chick, and you love Lewis.

And it bothers you that he doesn't like you. Yeah. It bothers you that he doesn't respect you at all. He thinks, and he doesn't respect your comedy at all. And it hurts you. That's it. Yeah. It's not what he said.

It's not that he's, is he trying to, Lewis is funny. Look, it's bugged me in the past. He said shit. And I'm like, are you out of your fucking mind? Why would you say that? And he's learned to be like, all right, I got a fucking, you know, look,

I have to, around certain know, look, I have to around certain people around Colin Quinn. I don't just, I don't fucking say anything. I know his boundaries. He said shit to me before. You had to get a fucking mind. Oh, shit, I'm sorry. We all try to be funny. We all try to make each other laugh. But sometimes, you know, we take it too far and he's definitely one of those guys. I think maybe like I, because I tried to be objective and be like, well, maybe I, uh, I'm too sensitive about it. You definitely are. I am too. But it got to the point where like two different bookers have asked me about about it, about the website that he made. Other comics are like commenting like, are you for real? Like it's,

it's becoming known now. And then sometimes I'll walk into like a green room and there's comics that I don't even know who listened to the show. And're like oh you're the one who stinks aren't you? Because they kind of because of Lewis is like Yeah, you know you do to stay in the country and get your medical care soon for a libel I mean Jesus Christ That's a great idea I just wish you get you'll pay all your bills. Yeah, well he'll pay all your Stop one second Lewis you know it would take her fucking forty five years

Yeah, that's true. She'll have a pair of sunglasses Stupid he is he has it like I he has a girl he has a baby, right? He spent money buying Website names that are like Kelley's stick is sucks.com. He the money he should spend and the attention for his child. He took it. He took it. He took it. He's not that good.

He's so sick of daddy daddy. He's sick of it. He's sick of it. First of all, I don't think he's saying daddy daddy. Happy. Happy. Happy. I don't think daddy daddy.

No, I think he's a nice and neglected father. I think he's unfair. No, he is a fucking great dad That's great. Let me tell you something they're great parents. I've me and Dawn of they've helped us out with max on certain things That's all they're right. They're fucking great. They're great. The kid is much more enjoyable Listen man You know what I'm sick of you self-esteem with my kid my kids a good judgey character you see I'm coming with a fucking clown suit

Oh, fuck a new to cycle. How about this get some wax lips. You don't scare the shit out of them with that mouth All right You he was like is that an undone person? It's like All right, listen we're gonna take a break right now. We're an hour in. You're an hour into the YKWD podcast. When we come back, we're gonna talk about Robin Williams. We're gonna talk about that whole thing that happened in Ferguson crazy shit. I don't even have a name.

The whole thing. It's crazy. Anyways, so stay right there. If you guys listen in live, I'm gonna turn the sound down and put the five o'clock, the five minute thing back up. It's really gonna be like 15 minutes. So if you listen in live, it's 15 minutes.

If you're not, it's going to be fucking seconds. We're going to come right back. So just stay tuned, all right? Haircare meets high fashion. A Vedas holiday collaboration with Couture Fashion Designer Iris Von Herpen is now available for you. A gift collection inspired by our planet. Every gift is a celebration of artistry and nature, featuring high performance, 100% vegan,

hair, body, and self-care gift sets. Discover Gives of Luxury at evata.com 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar en el 3 por uno en medianas a domicilio solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao? 3 por uno, 3 por uno, ah no no no. ¡Dominos! Pizza.

Hey, what's up? YKW dudes. Football season is just around the corner and you could get your piece of the five million dollars during kickoff week at DraftKings.com. America's favorite one week fantasy football site. You've already been scouting players for your season long team. Use that knowledge to win instant cash at DraftKings.com. Last year, one player turned 11 bucks into 4,000 in one weekend. Another player won a million bucks in one day, just playing fantasy football. Fantasy football is way more exciting

at DraftKings.com, where you can win huge cash prizes starting the first week of the season. So check this out, DraftKings.com, bigger events, bigger winning, bigger millionaires, use promo code Kelly, and you'll get free entry KELRI. at DraftKings.com. DraftKings.com. Hey, what's going on, Robert Kelly here from the, you know what, did podcast from riotcast.com and guess what, tru-car.com is changing car buying forever. Yes, everyday tru-car users receive negotiation free guaranteed savings.

Some features not available in all states. In the first three months of this year over 126,000 cars were sold by TrueCars, certified dealer networks. TrueCars users save an average around three grand off MSRP. When you're ready to buy a car, just follow these three easy steps. First, go to TrueCard.com and find out what other people paid for the car you're looking for. Then all you have to do is register at TrueCard.com to see up front pricing information and locking your savings. Third, step this one is easy. It's simple. Just print out your TrueCard saving certificate and take it to the true car Certified dealer for a better hassle-free car buying experience

Remember every day true car users receive negotiation free Guaranteed savings save time save money and never overpay Visit true car dot com today. That's true car dot com savings. Save time, save money, and never overpay. Visit TrueCard.com today. That's TrueCard.com. Boom. If you're going to buy something online, why not check out Amazon.com.

It's a great way to help support Ryakass and the YKWD podcast. So if you do, go to Ryakass.com, backslashash robber Kelly click the little Amazon button before you shop And you know what by sending you guys through this link Amazon will kick back a small percentage of the overall price to show To to help cover the cost and it really helps us man So guess what there's no cost to you and Amazon got some great things. They got electronics Apparals computers books DVDs even groceries everything's on it So thanks again for supporting the show. And by going to ryecast.com, backslash, Robert Kelly, and click the little Amazon button before

you shop. Guess what? You play video games? We got you, we got you. Ryecast is partnered with Gain Rental Service Gamefly.com, giving listeners a free 15-2 disc offer. That's a $22.95 value. You kidding me?

You can do everything. Try the new Grand Theft Auto 5, Last of Us for PC, or whatever. Diablo game. For as long as you want for a fraction of the cost of the game. So gameply.com, you got about 8,000 video games for PlayStation, Xbox, Xbox One, Wii, and now for your PC. So just give it a try. If you like it, keep it.

If not, cancel. It's a free 15-2 disk trial. What are you talking about? So just go to GameFly.com, backslash, YKWD, for a special offer to the listeners, only a free 15-2 disk trial, or go to Ryakaz.com, backslash, Robert Kelly, and click on the GameFly link from there.

That helped us out a lot. Now I I made I hope this sounds good on your headphones And if it doesn't guess what mess with teeth tweaked audio the best headphones I've ever used in my life You know, I mean the new sponsor to the podcast actually and have a deal for YKWD listeners So go to tweakedaudio.com use the promo code dude to get 33% off their state of the art headphones You got a lot of choices too. There's seven styles. There's tweaked, PB, California, parkour, parkour, two classic and natural.

Get your colors, accessorized, right? You got the red, you got blue, you got green, you got yellow, you got pink, you got black, you got silver, you got wood. It's not a color, but you know what I'm talking about, all right? There's not mic models available, whatever you need. The design to sound great for music and talk. Engine it for durability. Nor is reducing design compatible with your iPod, your iPhone, your Android devices,

all MP3 players and most phones. And that's one third for YKWD listeners. If you use the promo code, dude, and guess what? You want to pay shipping? Don't worry about that, free shipping, free shipping. You heard me free shipping and a limited lifetime warranty. What do you got to do? Just go to tweakedaudio.com and use a promo code, dude, to get 33% off. So help yourself and help the podcast. I would give it up for Mike. Give it up for Mike. Dude, that was very good, Michael. Very good. Free shipping.

I can't drop the mic and walk the way. Boom. You guys, the way you read, though, you totally hit two different demographics, right? Yeah, right. You guys totally, the commercial you read and the way you read it and the commercial you read when you read, when you read.

Listen to your podcast. Yeah, that was my... Everybody's gonna buy something. That was like 13 to 130 I want to know more people purchase this week See it spike. Yeah, that's what I just that's what I bring. You got blacker. Yeah, yeah As it went on when we got to the headphones and it got real you know what I mean? What Amazon I love your safe black. I love that. I saw you were like really black You know what I mean? So what Amazon?

I love that. You were safe black. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that.

I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that.

I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that.

I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love're waiting for his show. He's on a friend call outside. It's how it important So he had a lot of money and you know, I kept code talking to Lewis. They're like, all right, coming up with some ammo What can I go back in there with? Okay, some people just don't like each other. Yeah, no matter what the way it goes. Yeah, some people don't like each other. I Love him Okay, some people just don't like each other. Yeah, no matter what the fuck it goes. Yeah, some people don't like each other. I love him. Yeah, well, I get it. But yeah, but some people don't.

And I'm not gonna fight anymore. I think it's good you go and I think it's good you're taking off for a little while, get your health back, get some love, get some good vibe. But my family, I haven't even known. And then come back, but you're still gonna work with the show. You're still gonna work with the Facebook and you're still going to work with the Facebook and yeah You're still going to work with some other stuff Or am I replacing you fully?

I don't want you to replace me, but I'm only also the way it can be hard. I just got I just got an email from a guy. Oh, yeah All right, if you guys if you guys interns out there you want to be an intern for the YKWD show you get paid nothing Turns out there you want to be an intern for the YKWD show you get paid nothing Free shipping we need we need this kind of draft Kings Facebook Twitter. We need social media people It may eventually cause you to go back where you came from You know that entry Bob you know You know that ain't true, Bob. You know You know I'm a I caught you say and I caused her my show. I'm just saying I'm from little stipulations I'm so okay. Yeah, I'm just saying that

Be prepared be prepared fucking Chris is enjoying the show again If I'm here you're talking he's got these two fucking jack offs on camera You fucking when are you not gonna stink? Why can't you live in Australia? I wish you had some type of fungal disease in your contact. So if you want to be an intern, just email lucky every day at rockhands.com. Well, Kelly, you know, you're gonna transition. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll work it out. You're never gonna be left, you know, in the fucking. Am I right?

Yeah, you just like had a weird brain thing. Are you are you feeling a monster? I feel I feel sad Look at my mind. You didn't here's the deal He will I work on it. He will here's a deal She came over to give me a hug and I handed her a banana peel I go throw this out from me. She was I was gonna give me a hug and I handed her a banana peel. I got to throw this out from me. She was, I was gonna give you a hug mate and I was like, yeah, but toss that first.

I had five Irish Catholic uncles. I had a, no, listen. It's in the room. There's a deal. Of course I feel like shit, dude. I'm gonna, you know, it's Kelly's a part of the show, but your door's open, you come back whenever the fuck you want unless somebody better than you filled just eat while you're gone.

That's a garbage place. I guess. Unless I guess, well, I would love, I mean, I would love a chick, but I don't know any girls that would, you know, girls are afraid to be on this fucking show because the guy's like fucking dumb Lewis. You know what I mean? But anyways, hey, what's up, Joe?

All right. Big news. No, no, no, what's up Joe? Big news? No, no, no. What was it? Big phone call? It was an industry type, but sometimes they're very chatted, you know. It was one of these guys, it's like, you know, we got to do the thing and the business and the thing, but who? That was gonna be five minutes.

Who was Sherpico? No. I don't talk to him. Terrified of that guy. I ain't terrified of Sherp. I'm scared of everybody. I said a book hanging on. How long was that there for?

Three days. Oh, God. We talked Ferguson? No, we're going right now. I was hoping to miss it. That's the best thing I've ever done. I'm terrified. Let's talk about real quick.

We'll talk about Robin Williams passing real fast. Real fast. Here's a deal. Talk him. Has anybody here met him? Yeah. What? What's with you and Dan?

Right, yeah. how nice is he? Yeah, he walks in he's so nice. Sorry. I just asked your question and just fucking trample I wonder why she's moving back to another country. How do you feel about that? I think oh, yeah, well, you know sometimes He's one of the nicest guys ever. He's so nice. He came up to me. I met him He came to the cell of one night sat at the table stuck track. He's so nice. He came up to me. I met him. He came to the cell of one night, sat at the table, stuck track. He started trashing Colin. And me and Norton were laughing more to get him to do it more. Like we were laughing. But we started like nudging him. Like, oh my God, that's great. So he would go, who I don't know what I'm going to do. And he just started doing more.

We were laughing so hard because Colin was getting so pissed. You know what I mean? And Colin was like, I had a fucking enough of you, Williams, right? And then the next time he came in, he was, I was downstairs and he walked in. It's fucking Rob, I'm Williams. He just walked up, hey, how you doing?

I'm like, what's up, man? I think he think I'm somebody else. He's, no, no, no, hey, I'm gonna be, I'm like, really? He goes in, how's it going? And he did that with us too. It was like What a fucking great human being to

Not be that guy when you could be that guy because how many I know fucking People friends of mine who are famous that pull that shit They know people and they pretend they don't know them so they can make them feel less than So they can feel more comfortable of power. He didn't fucking dig any of that power. He didn't do any of that power. He didn't use that power. And he had it as an outward character that he was. He could have kind of just let that continue like, you know, that whole in your face style of just you know, he could have let that continue into being like a fucking annoying ass.

Yeah, and asshole about it. Yeah, you know, like just really jump on people or do that kind of thing. I met him once at the Hollywood improv shook his hand. He was just nice. Nice guy. Yeah, you know, he was within the last year with their new place. And I just, I saw him. He came in, people were saying, hi, he walked back towards the back bar area.

And I walked over and told him who I was and that I was a fan like, you know, a long, long time fan. It was really cool and he was nice he said hello he shook my hand he had a nice smile and he seemed so like excited he just seemed excited to be there and like like like he really liked the like he liked where he was and happy it's just crazy man it's crazy here's a sad part his daughter went on Twitter to for the fans and now she Talk about blocking people she quit. She fucking quit Twitter. It's like Twitter. Can you get your shit together? Can you do it? Can you just go and fucking find these people find what they say I get freedom of speech But you know these people are some of these people are fucking terrorists

Really they just fucking their they're emotional terrorists. You know, it's like, this poor girl goes on Twitter and she gets attacked. It's like, oh Jesus Christ. The people were trying to like tweet it or like, oh, hey, I've got a picture of you, Dad Wally when he was dead. Like when he died, like, you know, that kind of,

as terrible. But then they're here. It's extreme as to think it's a mortal sin. Like he's, he's sinned to this you know master Don't do this and it's just like dude take it down. Well the church of What the fuck are they called the church that Are they saying no not latter a saint Westboro the Westball Baptist. They're gonna protest as

funeral. They always say that but then no one ever turns up and stuff because everyone makes an you know a god and stuff. I think I just say it this first. Who's the Australian comedian with one leg? Adam Hills. Adam Hills. I did it was in Montreal with all this time. It was a great guy. One of the nicest guys ever. He has missing a leg too. human being huge star don't even know he has one leg it's crazy I don't know how Australians have one leg with all those sharks out there what happened with high population just one leg it all is everywhere Kelly is one eye

yeah it's coming he's open that fucking plane rides ticking He actually said he was like he trashed the well-bath West Baptist. What is it again? West Barber office. Yeah, he was like why don't you go to fucking the Middle East where they're be heading Christians For and being Christians he goes you want to talk about commitment? They're actually letting people cut their head off because they believe in God so much and go there and fuck with them and Stop being such pussies going to robham Williams funeral who did what he we made fun of God He did want it Robbins jokes, which was funny. You think God smoked really cool. You did look at the platypus

You know what I mean? That's why they that's why the he cuz he committed suicide which look We're all comics. Yeah, we all I don't know we were all fucking depressed. I don't know maybe actors are the same way I don't know I Some open micro the other night told me was talking. He was like 12 months in nice guy And he's like man, you know there's one week you're up, this comedy's crazy, man. One week you're up, one week you're down. I'm like, dude, I've been in it almost 11 years. I have highs and lows in the same minute.

Yeah. Like literally, and within the minute, I can finish a sentence on the high and like started on the high and finish it, like just depressed. Do you understand? I have a show, I'm a regular on an FX show that's being filmed in October with Dennis Leary in Apostle, and I still get depressed.

I still have highs and lows. It's not about, it's not about. And I have a boat. But you still get sad, you still go up and down in the same minute I mean, there's still shit that happens that you're like what the fuck you're scared It's it's terrible and then to get to the point where you're like I'm gonna take my life That's but now that new He's wife said that he had the start of Parkinson's disease now when I heard that I was like oh now I get it now I get it so much more Parkinson's my dad has Parkinson's and it Now, when I heard that, I was like, oh, now I get it. Now I get it so much more. But there's Parkinson's, my dad has Parkinson's,

and you can catch it early, you'll be okay. Just take your medications. Oh, that's Parkinson's. Why are we even talking about this for a fuck dude? Yeah, my dad has early, early. And you had your dad come over and help you put these chairs together? Yeah, but it's not like that,

but he caught it really early. I felt tired of it. I made him put these chairs together one night, and he couldn't do it. It was one in the morning He called his dad and I don't feel a little shaky. I don't know. You're dead That's why the chairs are all messed up Loft's night in my pocket is your dad? Oh my god. I can screws are all fucking crooked. We ordered blue chairs fucking crooked we ordered blue chair how long did I had a purple I caught it it was like I think three or four years ago you can catch it like you put it up some broad he deserved it or no

deserve it or no Where's my shirt I put my list of maniacs here. I'm right now But I read a thing that said oh I love it. That looks great that list of maniacs sure Is it who did this for you Frank Quinn is he is he ever a sure company? No, he what he ordered them and gave them he has a gift He used to come to your shows a lot, but now he just comes to mind Why doesn't he come to my shows anymore? He doesn't say exactly No, I'm kidding. He goes to all your shows. He's been it. He goes to all the show

He goes to see my shows like like I'm fucking Pearl Jam. He's been to like 12 shows real what last week At the stand You don't headline that much. That's what I mean. Oh I do in New England dog. Yeah, well that doesn't count. Yeah. That's what I mean. Oh, I do in New England, dog. Yeah, well, that doesn't count. But yeah, that's a buffet in the background. And fucking Steve Sweeney's gonna do a guest spot. Right.

But I do more than 12 sets a week, though. Hey, oh, yeah. Frankie, Frankie Gwen, big, big shout out. He's got a real hot girlfriend, too. Tuzzy. Yeah, I love him. And Julie. All right, listen, say it. Yeah. I love him. And Julie. I write. Listen, say it for these guys.

Talking about fucking Robin Williams death and you're plugging. Fucking, fucking. You fucking, fucking. You fucking, fucking. Thank you for freaking, Wayne. You're a dog. You fucking, you pulled up the shirt. And we, I said, I did all my Robin Williams pieces last week. But I heard that the Parker William, Parker, Parker Williamson.

Parker Williamson. Parker Williamson. Parker Williamson. Parker Williamson. Well, the fucking, Parker Williamson. Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park Park That's what I read but who knows what they like the average high to the most like the main dude he was the main drawn Yeah, got canceling that's like bill to pay and I don't think yeah Like you have as much as everyone Yeah, he did it. He did the show in the first place Yeah, yeah, no really fucks up. Yeah, crazy. Alamoney his kids money was already set aside So like his personal money apparently wasn't as great as hey here's a deal. It's all relative You think you like what money you have,

he probably had the same amount of money to my, what I have. I mean, when you get money, you spend it. You buy a bigger house, you get a couple more cars, you have the, you have the same, the boat was given to me, first of all. Who gave you the boat? Tom Papa and, and no, really no.

Wow. That's nice. What's your name, the boat? What's your name, the boat? It's fucking Seagal. Yeah. Oh, yeah. My name is Gavanna. I'm the boat, what you named the boat? It's fucking seagull. Oh, yeah, I'm on your boat, man. I'm not a size green.

You don't name your boat. Yeah, bed, love first of all. You don't name little boats. I'll play it myself in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, I'm gonna look at Asshole with fucking, you know, fucking Lisa written on the back of my boat whatever the fucking name it too hard to catch what am I gonna name it? Dude, one-eyed Kelly

It's gonna be a female name so he's right um I think it's sad. I really do it really it really it those those deaths don't affect me They don't affect me. They really don't. I don't really get affected that much. This one. Look, I got so many friends, Rich Saisla just passed away, who I loved. Rich Saisla was, you know, fucking great guy.

I remember when we used to do the columns on Wednesday night, he had his own show. And this was when me and Patrice and Burr and Dame were all coming up. We'd go to the columns on Wednesdays, and he have a show and he would put you up. A lot of those guys would put up who they liked and make you wait or you know he would just fucking put you up. He didn't give a fuck he was, it wasn't, it was his show but he didn't go up and do all this time. He sat in the front row with his girlfriend at the time and a Chinese food. He had two mics, one at his table,

and he would bring you up from the table, and he would do jokes from the menu. He'd be like, ah, look at this, crab-ran-goons. Who would have fucking, you know, and do whatever they said, like he said. And he would bring you up with the worst intros ever. His intro from me, he's like, please, laugh for this guy, just met him backstage.

Please, I need you to laugh, he's not that funny, but he's got full blown aids. And he's dying. He's definitely dying. That's the Kelly's in throw. And he brought the sick Jesus Christ. He brought me up. He was fucking a Joe Yanetti who's a fucking great comic. Throw cancer. He's recovering from throat cancer. And now, I mean, all these people are fucking, and now Robin Williams, it affected me somehow. I felt like, because he was a nice guy, and it's like, this business, you've won an Oscar.

You've done so many amazing movies. You've won two, didn't you? Your generations of, oh my God, fucking acting and movies and entertaining and, you know, and you had a hit show and now you're at this party of life where what was it cause of money? You was the fear of fucking money, which I don't know if you've, it's terrible.

Fear of not having enough money to support yourself or your family is fucking overwhelming. And there's got to be a point in your head where you go, I don't give a fuck, I'll move, I'll go back to fucking Boston, and I'll go to I'll go to Derina Hampshire, I'll go to fucking to Bedroom, and I'll work at a fucking 7-Eleven. You have to have that at some point, so you can move forward because this business, look, I've had money in this business and I've had nothing. I've been checked to check. And what you make, you make $100,000, it's not after 20% after the government,

you're making fucking $30,000 maybe. And you don't know that. You think, you know, you're getting this big check, you're not. And this guy, the more money you have, the more you owe, the more they take. So the fear of money, the fear of failure, the fear of, you know, where you're at, where you're going, and for him to actually take, is like, that's sad, man. Fucking sad, because I think we're all there. We're all kind of there, especially comedians. We're fucked all the time. Yeah, especially when you add an alcohol and chill like that in the mix too. It's like fucking. She said that he had, you know, succumbed. But, you know, I think all those years of like, you know, that's what they're saying a lot of Parkinson's is.

There's a lot of the cocaine use. Some for some of these guys as they get older. Was your data co-cat at all? Did you get the code? I don't think so. Because, you know, they've attributed does what that's like. They've attributed it out. They've attributed it out now. No, they've attributed what's his name, Michael J. Fock.

You know, a lot of it is that's neurological feeding of, you know, chemicals they believe. And you know, that guy is who knows the amount of stuff he's done. And then when you like, I stuff he's done and then when you like I think like You use like the control of your body is so much of what you are as an artist like he is Maybe the perpetual thought of that breaking down was too much with the other failures in his life And he's just like I'm not going out like that. I think so because he was so full of energy And I think he thought maybe that point where I'm not gonna be like that anymore He was like a brother and a high like this then his body control is everything

Yeah, what he does. I mean where Michael J Fox could be he could still go do whatever that mayor TV show He was on be you know, but Robin Williams. Yeah, I mean that's is my my father and all died of Parkinson's and it's like you know Like I don't know how I don't live with it though, right? I mean my homie Ali that part he's he's fine like he's lit He's a 70 some year old man. I would have seen his fine. Well, no, I mean I Sominal Try to get an autograph on it. He say

Anybody Other than his motor skills, he understands everything. He can, you know, he can, I've heard of the thing he underskirts. No, I've heard of this one. He's way gone. But that's a thing. I mean, he's not like, they're wheeling him around.

I don't think he really knows. That's a thing he's trapped. Because he understands, I think he does. He understands what's going on. He can't, but he's body can't do it. So he's trapped in this thing. He can't start, like Michael J. Fox, no. So he's a monster in this. Then he can't start like Michael J Fox. No, maybe he's just, he has motor breakdowns.

I mean, just the matter of these guys just can't, they just can't, and they don't want to be seen. But I love that he's acting it out right next to me. He's been, no, I'm just saying. I'm just like, I'm trying to explain like, you know. You get, you get, look at, I think that, you know, when you find out you have a disease like that, and then you've, you know, money, career, you know, all that stuff is, when you find out you have a disease like that and then you've money, career, all that stuff is,

when you wanna fucking Oscar and then you're looking at the new batch, all these other people, what movie has he been in recently? What the fuck has he done? And you're looking at that, it's not the right up, it's the right down. How many of those can you take in this business? How many of those can you fucking get up and come back down from?

It's hard, man, it's fucking hard. It's hard to see it. When you're down and then you see these other people up and they still respect you, but you don't know that. You don't know that, well, why don't you give me a part? Why don't you give me a role? Give me something. You know, we all fucking love the guys.

The best guy in the world. Oh my, where the fuck were you, cock suckers? You got a great show on TV. How come he wasn't on it? You know, it's, I don't know. It's fucking weird. It's weird. It was sad.

It made me sad that he felt the need to end it. You know, because it's like, isn't, you know what I think? Isn't there somebody, wasn't there a friend? Wasn't there anybody that could have fucking said, don't fucking do this. Let's go to a meeting, let's go, let's hang out,

let's talk, come over here. I don't think anybody would know. I think he hit it, he's a good actor, you know? Yeah. He hit it very well. He said it so well. People are like, oh, he's so happy, so fun all the time. He had fun, yeah.

He had a wife, you know what I mean? Like she would have seen him. And you know, like so many people when they get to that kind of spectrum as a career. A lot of the people around him, like we have friends that sometimes are like, wow, they're on top of it. And you're like, as a friend of some of those people, you take it it on yourself is like you know I'm not gonna bother that guy he gets bothered and no people are always yeah sometimes even when you feel like I want to I'm gonna pull back just that he's got enough people are you know bothering him enough or you know he's always he's always hearing it. I don't know I don't know I'm just saying I think a lot of that's a lot of

reaction sometimes so by the people that are around people that are that yeah big because they they know like I'm not gonna bug Robin today he's always good. I know it's fucking sad that there wasn't somebody to you know to where you get to that point that's mental that's mental illness when you get to the point where you're like, I'm gonna take my, I'm gonna, to kill yourself, that's a pretty, that's really heavy shit. You know, I've been down, I've been at the bottom. I've been fucked up, but I've never been like, I wanna take my own life. I've never been there.

Like I've been there, but I've never thought, like it's too much. Do you know anybody personally in your life, like from a childhood or anything like that? you know anybody personally in your life like from childhood or anything? I know in kidn high school that remember um Remember when that guy shot his pregnant wife and blended on the black dude in Boston. What was that call? What was that guy's name every white guy? Every story about a white guy. It was one of those fucking muleons. I seen him run. He shot my wife in the gut and fucking ran

John's to it is that name to it right? I think it was still it There was anybody could fucking go Peterson No, that's not it. I can only think of Scott P hate it boss. Yeah, I'll put this Boston guy wife shot Literally for me to get any information out anybody on this fucking I'm glad you going back And they call them and say you're not dead. No, no, not that guy anyways that same the next day of this guy in high school Who I was friends with who who's good looking kids. Child's to it. Child's to it, thank you.

Child's to. She's too. She's too. What a dog. The next day, he killed himself on the bridge. He jumped off the bridge, the Tobin Bridge. My friend at high school took a cab. This guy was cool.

Good kid, chick liked him. You know, he was good looking kid. Took a cab and the cab driver just heard the door open. He went boom boom, right over dead. They never mentioned it because it was such a big thing for Charles Stewart, killed himself on the bridge. So it was fucked up. Yeah, it's just a weird, you know what I mean? To kill yourself to end it. It's like, wow. It's just a weird, you know what I mean? To kill yourself to end it. It's like, wow. Wow, what a fucking, I mean, I got sober.

I've been arrested, I've been all that shit. Been down, even with the food, man. I mean, and with the career, it's like, gee, you know, oh my God, I'm fucking fat again. And it's so hard. And something happens, this didn't happen. And that didn't happen. These people don't like me.

It's such a personal thing we do. People don't like you. It's not they don't like your job or the blueprints you made or the sales tactic you came in. They don't like your face. They don't like your voice. They don't like your essence. They don't like you.

That's crazy. That's a crazy thing to deal with on a huge level. So, it's just sad. That one hit me. I feel bad. Rich size of sucks. Jolion Eddie's recovering. He wanted it to my phone call for some fucking reason. Have you talked to him? I have not. I call him a bunch. I don't know if he can talk. So, I hope he's okay. And he has a website, Jolion Eddie fund, or help Jorian Eddie. Well, you can help him because here's a guy, check it out his comics, we don't have a union. We don't have, we don't have nothing.

So when something happens to us, we need, we don't have money. What the fuck do we do? You have cancer, where do you go? So you did, so. So there's a way to depress a room full of comments, wow Well, well That was like three barrels in it

You have to use your hard-pone Really? I'll start into a pub with saying I didn't even hear until everyone went Well, I put out a link on my page. You can go to you can go go to Joe Yonetti, and you can send him money. I mean, why am I sending him, because, because if you're a fan of comedy, or a fan of him, or a fan of mine, we help people, we do what we can. You know what I mean? We do it the fuck we can to help each other, you know,

so he can recover and come back in six months, eight months and go back to work. So, anyways, you're right, it was very depressing. Joe, send him a t-shirt, man. Yeah, send him a t-shirt, Joe. Maybe I will. Why don't you give him 20% of your funds? Mm.

Just gonna take my ring. I'm gonna get sick. Jesus Christ. I got no money. Fucking hell. Joe had a mouth on that one, didn't he? I got a penis full of warts and herpes, and I got a cat's shit.

You have warts? Well, not anymore, I'm working on it working on it all dissolving now What do you think? They're doing the Lord's work over there What happened to you? How'd you get warts from your chick? It's not from my chick from other chicks I fucked all the chick you chick has him now. Well, she hasn't yet, but she's no dude. You got to get a check now I'm meeting you check out Get her do it twice. She's checked. So how many do you have? 30 40 Jesus would you dip your dick and warts? It's wild down there. It looks like

Bush will of warts that you rubbed your cock in looks like a mountain range. This is a different thing to the hippies Very different so you dig everything you dick looks like like a fuck it's growing a tree on it. Well, now it's all going away. It looks like a great dog. You look like Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I think we look like Groot.

We are Groot, Jay. We are Groot. Yeah, we are Groot. So what are you putting on it? Are they lasering it? How bad is it? How bad is it? How bad is it?

No, they wear it. I went to Planned Parenthood. Yes. You go through a metal detector because people are having abortions. Does it look like a squash? They want to look like... It looks similar to that. Hang on one second.

I love that he jumps in on what his dick looks like jokes. Five minutes after we were doing them. Fucking LA comic. Speed it up. What was it? What was it? Root Squash. You're not going to follow Groot.

Go ahead. Groot not gonna follow Groot. Go ahead Groot was big So I had to go to go to guard you go to guard into the galaxy You have to go there and then while I was there a woman from play about who came and look at your dick Oh my god Look like I spilled popcorn on my dick. You dick has the kernels on it. Jesus. Speaking of kernels that commercial is great. General. We got it. We got it. We got it. So I would play

parenthood and I was the only man there. The security guy a man and then Phil Hanley came in and hung out with me You brought Phil with you. I had to have a someone there. He had an opener. I like it Did he hold your hand while I laced it the month? No, you can't come in there without an appointment. It's very all it's all very Portrait of what Phil just looks like he got it some chick pregnant Yeah, exactly is there for support So I went in there and then they they put like an acid on there. Yeah, they burn it off Well, did they put the blue die on and then the black light to see where they were? Bobby you know about it. I've had I've had him burnt off my dick twice

I had him frozen off. Yeah, and then I had him burnt off Needle of those this is a different because I waited so long because I had them years ago Burnt off acid is burned. Uh-huh. They went off Like a match. No, yeah, you got a match. That's what he did He lit a cigar and hang on hold on kid bite down on this fucking gun handle Fucking talking about that sounds like the doctor you and lawhead went to back in the 60s That sounds like the doctor you and Laughhead went to back in the 60s. After you fucking us. I got here as fast as I could.

How's he doing? I need a milk and then hot water. I need hot water. I'm left with a garden attack. Give me the leeches. And then he walked back into a field and turned into a baseball player. So you burnt them off. So I went there and...

Because I had them years ago but they just went away. Sometimes they go away. So I kept waiting being like, these will go away. And then I quit drinking. So I was like, well my immune system's gonna be better now. And I started eating white. And I was like, eventually these will go over. But instead they just kept fucking being like, boom, boom fucking warts from the future.

It's good. But the future from fucking 30 years ago. I have a village down there. So finally I was like, I gotta go, I want to kill myself. And not kill myself, but you know. How long have they been there? I don't know, like just nine, ten years or something like that. I don't know, a while though, like a year and a half, two years.

Two years, two years, easy. So you're in here. Where were they on the head around the around the head I'm not a fucking animal Jesus what am I a pig they were around base they're all base on the base base on the base of the other wrinkle with the other wrinkle skin my heart dick they're down here in the bottom the bottom I had my I had mine on so that means you got them from some chick and they were on her outside of her pussy. So every time you went down on her pussy, they fucking congregated near your shaft.

I got mine on the, on the wrinkle, you know, the, the wrinkle skin, that, you know, the egg where, you know, you did get bigger, that wrinkle part, I got mine. Oh boy. Yeah, they started to go everywhere, but it's not because you had, I had Sí, lo he pensado de que era todo. Pero es porque, ¿cómo se me ha pensado? Y luego se quedó dormido por un tiempo. Sí, pero no lo he pensado de que era un tiempo. ¿No te lo he pensado de que era un tiempo? Todo empieza con un paso.

En Sanitas fuimos los primeros en ofrecerte video consulta con tu médico de siempre. Hola. Con programas especializados. Hola. Otro paso. Cuida tu mente. Y y otro ficio digital. Cada año queremos que disfrutes de la asistencia médica presencial y digital que mereces. Dal paso a Sanitas y disfruta ahora de bluayud durante un año gratis. Pulsan el banner para saber más. I don't know that. Yeah, I never said that. When I got them from my first girlfriend,

I'm getting from your guy's toilet seat. Oh, and the other toilet seat you can get. Do I never sit on the toilet seat here, please? You're leaving. You're fine. I got them the first time from my first girlfriend. She had them from a boyfriend gave them to me I had to go get them fucking I remember I had to go to the doctors they put a blue ink on my dick did a black light because then you can see them it's like a little smurf they're like white

right and then she then they froze them off it was fucking humiliating then the second time I went Patrice got them. Patrice was talking about them. So I was like, oh shit. I was like, I think I have them again because I saw like a little nugget. I was calling nuggets. Me and my ex go from, we'd call them nuggets and they would go away. Yeah, a little nugget. And then I went in. We said, no, but, but I told you, when I went in, I went on the upper side or somewhere. This guy was annoyed that he was a dick doctor. I was just pissed at me. And I remember they give you, they take your pants off

and then they give you a paper towel, like a big paper towel, a medical paper towel to put over your junk. So you're not just sitting there with your junk out. Well, my dick was so small, like a mushroom, it was like inside. I kept trying to rub it to make it bigger, because you have to show him your dick. I don't want it to be inverted or small and then

So I'm rubbing the paper towel and I rubbed a hole in the paper towel Oh, wow right when they open the door so it looks like I ripped so I was Look at a bib on it looks like I it looks like yeah exactly it looks like I ripped a hole to show my dick And he walked in it goes why did you, exactly. It looks like I ripped a hole to show him my dick. And he walked in. It's like a dick is at the dentist. He walked in, he goes, why did you, why did you do that? And I go, no, I didn't know what to say.

I just went, I was like, I mean, any good decision? And he goes, I can, this guy's looking at you just disgusted with you. He goes, he goes, stretch it out. Oh. He made me,

he goes stretch it out. Did you have to stretch yours out? No, I didn't, I didn't do it on the set of a porn. I was gonna think, paste, right? Mine stretched out, this guy. Mine wasn't everywhere. Mine was red, so I got mine, was it frozen off this, no burnt off the side,

the acid, they used on the second one. The acid doesn't hurt as bad as the freezing, I heard. Freezing hurts, but the acid, it just sucks. I had one on the second one. The acid doesn't hurt as bad as the freezing. I heard the freezing hurts but the acid just sucks. I had one on my p-hole. Oh, get out of here. Alright, I lied. But it was around. Ha ha ha.

It was terrible. But it's more common than you think. Yeah, so she puts on the thing with the kitchen. She was like a hot young guy. Oh god. And I got my feet in the stirrups. Like a fucking chicken. Oh, my feet in the stirrups like a like You're in a stirrups You fucking clear well, I didn't have the stirrup they were

My favorite the stirrup so you had one She came in and you have fever in the stirrup she's like did stop doing yeah It's all right lay down and then I asked for a mammogram So they put the acid on. Now I got an appointment. I got to put on every other day. Yeah. And you got a shower like first thing when you wake up. But the next thing with the acid is opposed to the freezing. You can fuck right away. You fuck that night. Yeah, I'm sure your girl wants to fucking open sword war deck. We just got a shower off the

acid. So you know, how about putting a con? How about not fucking do you better? How do you not have a condom sponsored on this show? Why are we not helping his girlfriend? We have condom sex all the time. Well, you should God fuck without a condom until you're healed. I haven't fucked without a condom since the 80s. I did it back. Yeah, you did.

You're supposed to fuck with a condom and then you get a nice girl you love and because you fuck with a condom so long, then you get to fuck without a condom. Yeah, I did it completely reversed. Yeah, you fuck every fucking girl ever with no condom Got dickhead and I fell in love and moved in with a girl and I don't know live together, but I'm exiterating I live with the broad Jesus And now we have to have condom sex, but whatever but I'm happy. Can I ask you a question, Joe? No But I'm happy. Can I ask you a question, Joe? No!

Go away! What about play jobs? Oh, yeah, I'll take one. Just keep one eye open. Ah! No, she said it's cool. There, we just got a quick... She's saying, get blonde by fact girls only. So we'll be back a bit.

I'm going to get mad. I'm going to get mad. No, no, we just, we don't have blowjob. Do you have pockets on your pants, Kelly? Yeah, why? For what? Oh my god. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I want to know, girls, can suck your dick with all the water around the bed. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't suck your dick on a wall. Have you had blood jobs with knowing Willy-Neilly that there's like, you know, no, no, no, no. Okay. Anyways, wow, that's crazy. Well, I'm glad you digs get fixed.

Well, take care of it. But it's not all gone, yes, some are going away. There's a couple that are just standing there defiantly. They're like, fuck you. So I got to go back. I have to go back. They just, they look exactly the same. They're like, nah, what do you know my acid? I'm like pro. It's a hundred bucks a hundred bucks And in Planned Parenthood you can just go get a checkup thing a hundred bucks and it's all very private if you

Planned Parenthood's good. I didn't do this But if you fuck around on your lady Planned Parenthood's good because they'll do it all secretive They send you a bill from a different address from from a different thing. And they'll call you. Because people, they know people, Planned Parenthood's amazing. I don't know if there's religious people that hate me, but they'll do abortions on the fucking DL and shit

and the place is real DL. The ones in California have some of them have drive through windows. But you just take it pussy in a window? One of those, you put the baby in one of those vacuum things and it sucks it through. I'm not kidding you. For lunch.

There's losing some fun. I think some of you have problems. Oh, not for the abortion. Joe drives up, but it's a day of a happy day. I get plan B. You get plan B, the drive through window. Yeah, the drive through window, right? I've seen them. I've done that.

That's crazy. They're wonderful people. Every time it's like, hey, they're real. They're really nice. There's one in San Diego that I've seen several times. And it's like, I see three or. That's crazy. They're wonderful people. It's like it's like a real really nice. There's one in San Diego That I've seen several times and it's like I see three or four cars lined up like they're waiting for you know I used to work across the street from the one in Boston where the guy went in and killed all those people Yeah, yeah, we were there the day had happened

Lafamilia Georgios in Brooklyn was right across the street from the planned parenthood all of a sudden there was a million cops Right across the street from the planned barren hood all of a sudden there was a million cop Everywhere like what the for this guy just went in and took out everybody just started taking people out It's worth a play a pair of hood. You did I used to be a peer educator in high school for them Oh, what a peer educator so I had to go to fucking high school class. Are you saying peer or peer? Peer like I can't tell you you have such a white guy accent. I don't know what you're saying Because you put out your ears white guy accent I don't know what you're saying because you pronounce your or is peer peer peer I got here I was just saying I had to do come like condom demonstrations and shit like with your own dick what you do

with like a cucumber yeah we had like bananas and she did a banana yeah that's kind of like I had to do it like in the class I remember magic Johnson doing Imagine he's he used to bananas Yo, yo check this out Yeah, no magic Johnson yo-yo check this out That's how we talk dog. Yeah, I know That's not how he talks, Doug. Yeah, I know. I was just made of copper reels.

What am I gonna do? I'm gonna help you. So anyways, this Ferguson thing, I'm like with that transition. We literally have 10 minutes left of the show. By the way, Mike's been quite the whole time. He's been warming up for this. Yeah, man. He's right.

I didn't even think he was going to get it. I didn't know. Well, wait, listen. Mike just pep pepper sprays all of us and runs out? Now did I just see footage today of this guy going into a store and pretty much just fucking Stealing cigars well maybe and I'm asking questions seriously. Did this guy? Maybe go in and just say fuck you. I'm taking these cigars and this little guy was like I fuck can't do that

And he just bully them like I'll kill you and just walked out of the place with the cigars. Yeah, supposedly Hang on hang on turtalk again Supposedly this is the footage where he was in the store He stole some some some cigars and a little guy came up to him pushed him out the owner of the store The owner of the store was like no the only store tried to stop him Try to stop him and he walked out and was like I'll set you look basically I'm not this is allegedly yeah, cuz I you there's no audio, but like I'll fuck you I'll kill you type thing you leave it Kelly. Yeah, I Kelly. I'll see you later bubble. We'll see it six months Or maybe not I'll next week. We'll see you

Maybe not I kill you but get out of here I'm taking you I'm taking these guys go fuck. And this guy had to take it, which is, I mean, as a human being is fucking demeaning, humiliating, oh my God. Are you, if we allow that, we're fucked. We're fucked. There's rules, there's regulations, there's things, there's laws.

If we allow people to just start doing that type of shit, we're fucked. That's true. We're fucked. But the thing is start doing that type of shit, we're fucked. That's true. We're fucked. But the thing is, is that if that happened, then he should have been arrested. Right. And then he should have went to trial. Right.

And then jail time or whatever. Absolutely. I'm totally fine with that. What happened? The thing is, is that supposedly they stopped him at a car. He ran from, he ran from the cops. Yep. The cops shot him him shot him twice in

the head four more time whoa stop they shot him in the head because he ran now I heard different today I heard what did you hear what did you hear he pushed he bummer's the cop pushed him knocked the cut knocked him on the ground and said uh... said something to him the cops story and then the cops and then the and then he came out again and then that's the cops shot with the then the cops are there and then and then he came out again and then that's the cops shot. Let me just say that with the cops the cops story the corner proved that one of the shots to the head was like execution style from a above.

Oh, okay. That's not like you know you know what good was he taller than him. We don't we don't know. We don't know. And that that cop. That cop. No, no, no, no. This is a thing because people like this. This is a thing because. Yeah,, no, no, no, no. There's a thing, there's a thing, because,

there's a thing, because, yeah, you guys, just as, you know, the last you guys talking with black, we'll be listening. All right, okay, just so y'all know, so. I'm uncomfortable with lawhead right now. Yeah, he got it. He got it. These people with a latte.

I mean, yeah, yeah, everybody would have had a gun in that cafe bed in the morning, not a kill eight black people. Nobody getting their call for you. So we get justice. All right. Right now. And one tall Spanish guy.

Strawberry this motherfucker. It had been the first one. That cop never filed a report. That's the thing. The cop never filed a police report about the incident. The body was left there for about three, four hours in the sunlight. There's six witnesses that saw what happened and said what happened.

Did they have video of that? They don't have video. They just showed it, okay. They don't have video of it. Is this the video of the people from the house saying they just showed this guy? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. So that's what's happening.

So we're just like, hey, we want Darren Wilson or whatever, we want just justice. You can't bring the guy back but let they be justice. And then they're like, okay, what we're gonna do is curfews instead. What we're gonna do is have a more a million thrice, a million thrice, presents and all. Well, they have military,

because the people are getting shot in the crowds from civilian guns. Am I correct? Are you doing guns? Yeah, I heard that people got shot. There was a couple shootings last night or something. Couple shootings last night. Now, because here's a deal, because of this guy,

winning and did this, and the cop fucked up and did what he did, now people are protesting. And anytime people protest. I mean, there already had to be a racial tension in this town for this kind of shit to escalate as fast as it did. But there's racial tension everywhere. Yeah, but it had to be racial tension this town for this kind of shit escalators fast but this racial tension everywhere that has to be like another level for them that's like just a protest and you have fucking tear gas being shot

what does a lot of looting happening no one's saying looting is a ton of looting let's on a looting look man there's looting people are fucking to i mean look when that stuff starts happening talking about innocent people innocent store owners innocent uh... uh... residents are being uh... are being subjected they you can't fuck with them

what did they do you also just can't you could shoot people to death though that's a good thing that should have another in any situation absolutely i think i can get shot at the time it's like they want to they want to fight these protesters with these big rubber bullets that will knock people down like in a minute. I mean, you see some of the injuries on these people? Yeah. It's like, just shoot the unarmed guys with rubber bullets.

Shoot them seven times until he can't move, handcuff them and take them in for the thing. They have tasers. Well, tasers, they have all come. I had a taser once and I I made somebody said I'm many fuck you Make up say man a pack your home to jail I haven't followed the story as close as I should and because the sad fact is for a white guy I can just ignore the whole story and then it goes away and the story that happened Just happened so everybody's still like on a robber Wow, but let me tell you some I was doing the ice bucket

So everybody's still like on a robber. Wow I was doing the ice bucket I was Exactly So much of it is defined of like you're on the ice Christ That's got more attention than this fucker. That's how we stop the protesters ice bug challenge. Yeah, but we don't do it. We do it. We do it with bullets Cold bullet challenge More a bunch of bullets over your head I don't know I was trying for funny. I don't know what happens

I'm just and that's the problem has the problem. I You're absolutely right, Joe, but I'm in the middle of fucking nowhere. White mountains in Hampshire. And I mean white. You wanna white mountains? White mountains. And I was trying to stay off the grid. I didn't wanna look at news.

I didn't wanna fucking, I didn't wanna get involved by her robbing. I was fast-away and then I went on CNN app and then all this stuff's happening. I'm like, Jesus Christ, this is a lot. This is a lot. And I'm walking in this two, three days in. I don't know if I want, what the fuck am I,

where am I on, there's so much stuff you have to find out. There's so much backstory and there's either side that you have to, you know, it's fucked up. I mean, you see the guy, here's the thing, I saw the guy walking in and fucking, this poor guy taking his property and going fuck you, that makes me mad. You came on in the video though, so the first thing you saw was like the video.

Then you go and you see this guy got shot in the fucking head and you're like, oh Jesus, this fucking cop was scared and frightened, afraid of black, big black guy. But he should be trained not to be, he should be trained. That's the thing you. Absolutely. Then you see what's even worse is then you see the way they handle the protest and the assault this little Missouri town

is armored up more than the kids were sending to Afghanistan. I mean, this guy came out with a great tweet today. He had that same city, Ferguson, that county that they're in, in March, there was a huge article about how they didn't get any funding for the schools That that area had been testing lower in the state of Missouri than anywhere because they stopped the funding for schools and next to that Meme he shows a picture of literally tanks and armored vehicles with guys just geared up Ready to come at people like in the streets holding like those a sniper bag There's a sniper on the road like to and at people like in the streets holding like a sniper bag there's a sniper on the roof and you see like what

wait a minute this isn't new york city this isn't law saying the new york city would never do that do you know why you know why though but it's a let me explain something though the reason why it would never happen here the reason why there's no fucking looting here because we wouldn't put up with it because we we're all on the streets together, okay? We're on the streets, we're on the subways,

we don't have, we're out there. So if we see people, when the lights went out in New York City, people fucking started being crosswalked, letting cars go, because cars were fucking going through lights, so I almost fuck you, stop. We started helping each other out. Not to say if it went on for a period of time, it would turn bad, cause we're fucking going through lights almost fuck you stop we we started helping each other out not to say if it went on for a period of time it would it would turn bad but we

in new york city wouldn't tolerate each other because it's really it where where new yorkers were not black white i will walk in the street with everybody's on the street with my point is i can new york city since nine eleven is literally one of the top worlds militaries if it wanted to be outside the USA and literally the New York Police Department since 9-11 could turn into a Military like that. Can you do that now? I like that. It was nice. What I'm saying is Ferguson Missouri's police department should look like New York City. It should look like Next time you walk in ago, I want a

New York. It shouldn't look like that. And next time you walk in, I want to, I want to, I want to, I want to, I want to, I want to, I just want that. So what are you saying that, I'm just saying they're, they're police departments shouldn't look like, it shouldn't look like New York's. I mean, New York's looks like that because it shouldn't, they don't flaunt it. I made issues that the kid was, like, 18, right? Yeah.

The kid's about to go to college, right? There's something that the kid grabbed for the gun of the police officer. That's what it says. The police department. and they don't flaunt it. These guys are- I made the shoes that the kid was placed. 18, right? Yeah. The kid's about to go to college. Right? There's a thing that the kid grabbed for the gun of the police officer. That's what it says.

No fucking eight-year-old kid, black kid. That has no prior. Don't say that. They can't say that, dude. Look, don't go for it. You don't know what- No, don't just don't throw that out, dude. No, no, no, no.

I'd say what? I'd say what? You don't know what the fuck you do. When you're being attacked by- When you're being attacked in your brain by a cop or somebody's, you know what I mean? That situation, we've all seen cops fucking take it a little too far and you get scared

and you're like, I'm gonna die. And you don't know what the fuck he did. It's, you don't know what, that situation is a terrible situation. You know, what do you do? In my brain, if the cops pull me over, I am, my hands are a tentative, I am a complete fucking wet noodle.

I, you know what I mean? I'm just a noodle. Yes, sir, no, sir, until they go relax. Because I'm afraid too. So they realize you're white. They know what I'm talking about. They will do that too. They pull up my fucking 19 PBA cards.

They go, dude, I did a couple shows for you last year. They don't do that to black people. We sit in at the car and we stop, but if they don't say relax. Yeah, because you guys got an added to it. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. But that's the problem. So like, I just want to see how fast your eyebrows went up and up.

What the fuck are you saying? My buddy's a cop, and he's got it in the academy, and we're seeing this. One of the things, I I fucking I got a fucking buddy He's a great pb a card against me at all the tickets. I got a fucking little baby badge I'm getting that next did you know they do have those little baby badges? He's gonna give me one This is what a fucking this is what a fucking just a silly Scared bitch. I am you ready? I got one of those It's a little gold badge that you get from the top of your wallet. Are you putting your wallet?

You open that up You go ahead buddy, you know, it's a little gold badge. I had a wallet that looked like a hundred dollar billfold You know cookie wallet because that's my thing right? Yeah in my fucking late 30s early 40s I had this little badge inside there so I could just open it up and you see this little badge. I'm walking up the street here and this Chinese woman, right? Kind of hot girl. That was Jolus. That was Jolus. That was Jolus. That was Jolus. Sorry, just place it up. So I sit down, there's this curved stair

in front of this building, and it goes around, you know, on the corner of the building. So I sit down over here, she sits down, and she's staring at me, much like Jason Stairs all the time, like fuck-year face. I'm in 10. Yeah, you're a good-looking patient. You're very squinted.

I am very, I squint a lot. Yeah, when I listen, I squint because I'm trying to make, I have a comprehension problem. Yeah, when I listen, I squint because I'm trying to make... I have a comprehension problem. So, anyways, I'm looking... I'm on the phone with Matt Frost at the time, and I'm talking to him, and she's looking at me, and I'm like, oh, maybe there's girl, what is she digging me?

And then she gets out, and she comes over to me, and she goes, fuck you, you fucking racist. I'll fucking murder you. I'll fucking murder you, you fucking racist. I'll fucking murder you. I'll fucking murder you, you fucking racist. I'm like, what the fuck, what are you talking about? I'm on the phone. She goes, I fucking heard you, you fucking racist.

I'll fucking murder you, I'll fucking stab you. Write the fuck. She's mentally ill and she's a normal looking Asian girl, maybe 20s, 30s. No, but you know what I mean? She didn't look mentally ill and she's a normal looking Asian girl, maybe 20s or 30s. No, but you know what I mean? Like she didn't look mentally ill. You can tell a mentally ill person in New York City usually. This looked just a regular kind of hot chick, right?

Screaming at me. I was scared. I go mad I gotta go. This girl's threatening to murder me. She's fucking not giving up. I was so such a fucking wet no just a pussy I took my wallet out and I opened it up and I go I'm a I

Go I go I'm a cop you motherfucker back off and she went I don't give up And I had to close my wall and run Yeah, you committed a felony Yeah, it's like jail time I Have a fucking pussy That's how I am but I mean I mean, look, this, this, I mean, it's sad. It's fucking, what's happening there?

You know, we always look at these other countries and what, oh, look at these fucking crazy people. It's happening here. It's happening now. You're right, there's tanks rolling up our fucking streets. We fuck, you know, Russia and Syria and all the Egypt and all that, it's happening right the fuck here Just it's just it's too small of a time. It's just that's what's scary

You just start to scratch your head and you're like what if this stuff happens in Dallas or you know What is it a militarization of the police department gonna look like in that scenario? You're just looking at it like I that's how I see it like it's sad to do you don't know the whole story i mean i don't think an unarmed kid should ever get shot to that by the police who are there to protect and services you know and it's kind of become like i tweeted the other day i go it's kind of crazy that more and more in this country the police are the ones disturbing the peace it's just uh... and not that they did in this instant there was a pro that but it's just a lot of times you're hearing stories where it's like,

man, really? Like, did you have to get like that? Look, he's shaking. It has to do a joke after the trademark embarking thing. I was like, he's not going for a gun, he's pulling his pants up, you're chasing him. You know what I mean? They're not always going for a gun.

You know what I mean? I'm just saying, hey, they did it. Hang on, we all waited for the black guys to laugh first. I don't get it, I mean, it was, it's more of a point to the cops, it's like, relax, relax. Yeah, but it's a the black guys to land. I mean, it's more of a point to the cops. It's like, relax. Relax. Yeah, but it's a skier look at to be a,

here's the thing, to be a cop is a very scary thing because your life, every car you walk up to, so they just take a gun on, shoot you right, and it happens. It's not like it doesn't fucking happen. Are you from a small town? I'm from Boston. Okay.

I'm outside of Boston, message. All right, I'm kind of from a small town outside of Cleveland. Yeah, a small town i'm from now from boss it okay i'm outside of boss and i'm kind of from a small town outside of cleavum a small town where in sixty some thousand people you know a lot of the police menu no kind of a nooks and crannies of the town but that's forgassing that's not the streets in new york you can get an idea on a guy tell them to stop i mean you're trained to do so many things instead of just get to him and start unloading your gun i mean it within an hour and a half, you can have backup on the streets and have this guy pin down. And if he gets away, if he gets away,

you can get him. You can get him. You have all these things. It's a small top. You should. You can find, oh, who's that kid? Michael Brown, man. You know, other kids don't want to get in trouble.

Michael Brown, he's going to college next year, man. That's all I know. Thank you. We're gonna go to and get this guy. Yeah, it's just it's just this is very fucking old West type shit, where just a guy with you just shoot it. It's just in the head to find two shots in the head is fucking nuts. When you head now he was dead. When you shoot when you shoot somebody as a as a cop though, you try to shoot them are you shooting the fucking kill are you shooting to injure to take them down. It's the same thing like I don't like stay out most people that are cops are in the military

they kind of want to shoot somebody people with guns to some degree are interested in shooting people. It's that scene. Unless you had to kill me and you just want to take a beating from a block and then go on Twitter that do Francis and stripes when it is a John can he goes I don't know when they say oh it's I can't believe they took the days like I just I just I'm happy I finally get to kill somebody right it's literally that like he he's like I'm allowed to kill somebody this is awesome it seems like a thing of like the this side and the zis side to which side of the army like

what can i can i hate both these guys this guy's an asshole who's robbing a store is a piece of shit and this guy's just unloading his gun on a guy who is a good other than that's the problem if like he did if if like the cop killed him and did all those things but he uh... quote-unquote coveted as like he did the uh... the report and everything after. And then the Ferguson police was all, uh, forthcoming with all the information. Then maybe this would be a different story. Maybe people would be like, okay, well, we can't really go crazy.

Something wrong with the system, but because they're being so quiet, they've waited like a week to release the name of the police. So I was like, that's what's really pissing us off. Not just the death because it's like okay, this has happened many times as I think I'm waiting. No, they were waiting because they thought they would attack the cops family It's up like that if they get they gave the name out though, but even before that they could have gave more information like they just Reloaded shots. I don't want fucking three shots the whole fucking show Just a shot. It's a shot. I want two shots

Who in the head I don't want two shots who are the three shots you lazy fucking twat they released that video and they weren't supposed to not saying that not saying that uh it's ways public opinion yeah because they haven't released any evidence so we're releasing that video yeah some bullshit like okay well this is what the kid did before that's why we in the cops it to be like hey well don't be mad at us this is the kind of guy he is But it's like yeah, but look it let's not take away. Let's not take away what he did to that fucking guy I mean that's true that guy's a piece of shit But he doesn't deserve to be put down like a fucking animal

And why like you know, especially black people we get upset They did the same thing with Trayvon when they were like oh well look at his Facebook pictures when he was talking about smoking weed and all Stuff. He was a couple of me. Well that's that's, that's the racial undertones of the entire country, which is in grain, where you get people being like, let's prove he's an ass. I bet he's a thug piece of shit. Let's prove it. And I was saying like thug is like the new N word now. That's what they're just saying.

Thug all the time. It's just like thug, thug, thug, thug. It's like because they have a couple pictures. Well, I'm just saying they put a couple pictures on how he's a thug. It's like, look, that doesn't mean is you know the point is this you he he no matter what he did he broke the law you know there's a process you should go through you know you don't just get scared and start fucking shooting people right that's

what is what america is based on once we start doing that once we just start unloading it's not just gonna be white people either. It's gonna be, I mean black people, it's gonna be white people, it's gonna be Spanish people. Once cops start fucking, you know, that's why it's this whole fuck, if you're right, if you have a gun, it's like, it's like, what the fuck?

It's like, oh, if I have fishing rods, if I don't get to use them, what the fuck do I own them for? That's why I won't buy a gun, because what am I gonna do? I'm gonna wanna shoot the fucking thing all the time. And then, what am I gonna shoot at this, I've shot guns, it's boring. It's fucking boring.

Shooting at a little target. Ooh, look, I got close to the circle. Suck a dick, you don't think these guys who love fucking guns, who shoot guns, when they finally get their chance to draw their weapon? It's like, oh, you know, Jesus Christ, you got a headshot. You got a fucking headshot.

That's crazy. I don't know. I mean, you know, then you look at it like England who doesn't have fucking guns. I mean, it kind of pisses me off when I watch Luther. I love that show, but if you had a fucking gun, we could solve it. He would have saved a lot of, we could solve this clock. Seconds gotta chase people and then fight them with a trash can.

It's like fucking, ugh. We've gotta dump some cell-in gasoline. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right? You saw that one? It's fucking, yeah. Hey, don't be mean. I know it's Apple juice.

Gasoline hurts when you put it in your eye. Fucking sit in this. You're not still talking when you fuck up. All right, you dump it on your warts What how do the Spanish people feel about? We are we we're keeping our distance for let's fight it out and that's how we secretly take your jobs That's a way that's the Patrice's joke about that where you guys want our spot's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, that cop hates black people i'm sure that he says the inward all the time you think so i'm sure you're assuming this and i'm sure that that black guy fucking hates cops and probably doesn't like white people yeah and probably stole a bunch of cigars and had a bunch of weed on them and

fucking is that you know i don't know about the way that they just released it today that he had we don't that he had weed in the system that's alright i got shot eleven times right now, I'd have weed. So was it 11 times? That group of people had to say, you know, that's the bad. All right, six times.

And by how many cops? One guy? One guy. So one guy shot somebody six times. Apparently, the nine one, the sendout was, I saw like a quick log. Like there was like minutes between. He was dispatched out to find this guy and then six minutes later he called

for backup a minute after he called for backup is when he shot the guy and then a minute after he shot the guy back up arrived like literally a backup arrived in to him and see that's where I'm always like taser why can't we just wave till backup let that guy get out of his door with a shotgun and if this guy won't succumb or pull something on me while I'm trying to arrest you I got back up with a shotgun to moan I think cops should with the technology we have yeah, I think all cops should have cameras on them I think all cops should have showed the cameras so you can't shut it off and every you're covered

So you're not gonna sit in your car and go look at these fucking black dudes You're not gonna sit in your you're not gonna pull your car and go look at these fucking black dudes. You're not going to sit in your, you're not going to pull your gun and go, I'll fucking kill you. You cock suckin' black mother. It's all being recorded. Some, especially with CDs, you know, but people were videotaping cops, too. You can, you can, you can, you can see the government's not going to do that. They record us. Not the other way around. Yeah, but, but here's the thing. If you want to solve these problems, when a guy takes his, how about this?

When a cop takes his gun out, the camera goes on automatically. That's some next level shit now, I thought. I mean, you know what I mean? Like, okay, you can sit there, but if you take your gun out, your camera automatically goes on and records what the fuck you're doing. Because here's the thing, if you said,

if you, like this, this, when you go to, I have solved the problem. I see you guys there. You, you know what you put like a little sense or down at the bottom of the hole Like a like a phone charger once that thing picks up off that center camera goes on Records audio video here wait like okay if you have nothing to hide you're not afraid like I'm gonna go get that Nexus Clear stuff so I can fly will do they're gonna go I don't care I have I have some weird porn and that's it. I have nothing to hide. I'm not stealing, I'm not robbing, I'm not a terrorist.

I'm a fucking honest. Look through anything you want to fucking look at. I don't give a fuck. Just get me through that fucking con line faster. Well that's the other, I'm playing all sad because I don't know what the fuck, if you don't break laws and steal shit, you're probably not gonna get shot by a cop.

That's not true. I'm not condoning, you should be. That's not true. The cop should be shooting people like some psychopath that they have to have a gun though. That's true, of course. Yeah. What I'm saying though, is for cops,

if you want to solve these problems, you could, you know, what use technology? Because if there was a video camera on this guy and you recorded from his angle what he said and what was done, this would, wouldn't even be a problem. Just, he'd be, he'd be fucking fired and in jail, okay, or he would be vindicated. Because you'd see what this guy did or what.

And you also have a union on your side when you're cop this fucking fifty that would have a many thousand police and is a union going all right we've got a fucking well you got a people who make this work yeah we got to make this work behind you too be on the fucking union so you got a better a government's investigation mission so they have to it's scary but it's also you know from the other it's scary to be a cop one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one.

It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one.

It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one.

It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a be one of that. You want to go home to your fucking family. They tell you to be, yeah, go, cat to me, they go, there's gonna be a point, you go, let's see, you or them. You gotta make that choice. You can be situation, so that's, being a cop is fucking frightening. And being a cop out there, I think, is more frightening. Because at least here, I'll tell you why,

if something goes down downstairs right now, we're here, I'll go out and if somebody's fucking, I've actually asked cops, you need my help. Cause you see a guy wrestling a guy. Anybody like, no, I got it, you know what I mean? But I've seen actually people help cops. Yeah, please grab his legs. New York, like I said, New York, it's hard to,

you know, we're all fucking criminals. We're all fucking out here on the streets trying to survive here. But out there, you're in the middle of fucking nowhere you're in you're in a black neighborhood right? This where it went down and you're a white cop in a black neighborhood. It's not like which is a predominantly black city Ferguson. It is. And they said 33 of the 36 cops are white in a predominantly black. They said they can't they can't they don't have any qualified candidates. That's whatever. Maybe that's true

I'm not saying that but it's just it's I think you probably have a lot of people that haven't graduated high school I think it's a really poor neighborhood Got guys that are not qualified to fucking police officers. Yeah. Yeah, wow. It's all it's all class is what it really all these race issues in America Are really class issues, but a lot of the poor people are black right to remember the bar wrote something that was pretty interesting about that the other day about how it's really a class issue but there's so much race just falls into it because of the statistics that i always said that with the george borgia's uh... george borgia's in care of black people's like no he

he has a black he's got calm pal that's his buddy. Yeah, he doesn't give up poor people kind of leave poor people are black kind of leaves a race Yeah, America you're right America and this people mad. This that there's a ton of four white people as well All right, I know I'm gonna get tweaked being like you fucking liberal faggot fuck yourself shit yourself I agree with you though. I think you're at it is class and it is it's fucked up It's fucked up this whole situation is fucked up and if you could rewind it and play it back You could actually pick apart where each person went wrong What what was said, but we can't so we you have to pick a side and you have to You know try to form an opinion which sucks if fucking blows it really blows

I come back from vacation all of a sudden i have to have an opinion on robin moeum's death i gotta have an opinion you know what did you think about that it's like i know it's sad yeah but he stole joke i don't fuck off i don't fuck suck a dick you know i still cigars well it's a bit it all goes back to don the laugh made that rockward If it all goes back to if you fuck the world worry about your world

Well, I mean not I mean putting it that way sounds very self-centered, but that's not self-centered You can do is you just live your best life If you worry that's all you can do is if you live your life and you're a good person If we all did that, if this... If this landfaring hood. I mean, it's supposed to be me who will all end up a landfaring hood. Nobody was hurt in me getting warts.

It must have had a small vagina, hey boys. I got a big dick. Yeah, this is that thing of like, what's side of my arch? Should I go protest? I'm like, but I'm late, I'm late, no, maybe I feel like, maybe this is, maybe he fucking wasn't so then I'm like why don't I just fucking try to be kind and do my best to not be racist it's not always easy just live the best life I can live and that's what I can do it is I agree with that I

have look I I'm sitting there I gotta wake up at seven o'clock I got a kid that's learning how to walk. I got a bunch of shit going on in my house. I got all this stuff I have to take care of for my family to live and be happy. And it's like, now what do I gotta go do? March somewhere or do something or pick a side or fucking, it's what?

How do you think we feel? We supposed to be in Ferguson right now. Well, you guys are selfish. You have a show at You have a you guys have a full-minute spot tonight after Lewis Jay Gomez Yo, yo, we can't make it I'm working on the march for four days instead. I'm just gonna talk about it for four minutes I'm working on this new joke where I fuck up stool Actually, we did a show a Friday. Mike tried to talk about it.

It did not go well for those white people. Is it uncomfortable because his name is Mike Brown? Yeah, because he talked about my name as my brother. Yeah, I talked about it. Oh, yeah, because they forgot about it. Oh, yeah, we want to forget about it, too. I know everybody wants to forget. Nobody wants to forget.

And again, and I'm going to get shit on Twitter for that. But when you're white, I can just go with it. You're right. It's all right. It's all right. You're superior. It's what I'm saying. No when you're white, I can just go right your superior is what I'm saying The story will just go away. It'll be another story that just passed Oh, that's fucking first of all Well, whatever that's that's what the news that's what the news is. That's what our life is It's fucking look. I got just I'm fucking furious about all this shit

Kim Kardashian has a fucking millions of dollars for a selfie book. I'm, I, that's not real. It's, we get rock bottom right there. Do you understand where the fuck we're at? When that, this fucking, sicko, she's a fucking sicko. This family's fucking sickos. Is that the only Spanish word you know?

See And the fuck if you buy that fucking book if you buy that selfie book You're a fucking you're a bad human being. You're a really shit person if you spend money on that You're a shit person. you're really at the fucking bottom the fact that she's gonna make millions of dollars off a fucking book of her selfies is disgusting to me it's fuck that's where at though that's she's in news I want to know how many of those selfies are gonna have like plates of food behind it just like you know like just like a plate a just like a plate of ribs behind or just like a plate I a, just like a plate of ribs behind, or just like a plate

I thought there it is. Yeah, take that. I'm going to have the show on that. I really, I have no choice. I have, we're fucking with 20 minutes over. Give it five minutes. I'm saying, you know, I love that you kept coming up with stuff. You said ribs and you looked over your shoulder,

because the two black guys are all here like ribs. Oh shit. Maybe that's the wrong one. Oh, oh, you gotta give us your address for the zip car so I can put in the GPS for Sunday. Yeah, we come in. We come in. Yeah, let me give it to you off the air. I'm not fucking having any fucking Lewis J. Gomez savage show up. I know. Some gun advocates gonna come shoot me at the barbecue now. Yeah, hopefully. It's not right to right through your fucking list of maniac shirt It's not white mountain right the barbeque on no, it's not the white mountains. It's in Westchester same thing though for you It's still very white, but we're gonna have to

We got the tone down. I got my shirt with a collar No, I got to do that. Just do me a favor. Yeah, when you come up, turn the radio down on the corner. Well, you know, I want to be driving so it's gonna be oh yeah, it's gonna be crossed me stills in that Hellinotes hall you fucking Gonna fucking man eat her fucking blaring out of your zip car All right guys you've been a great you guys been a great show Like a show we've ever had we got my key when 20 minutes over I was all just setting up the 20 minutes over joke. I was a great joke. What do you got? Erick Rivera Twitter at erick Rivera website

Erick Rivera com Just go electrocuted. Yeah, I did all right. That's fun. I don't know how though. Yeah, right? I just got I don't know what that was Okay, that's what I do man. It's my thing. I think I just got electrocuted That's what I do man. I think I just got electrocuted. Skobo's trying to murder me. I know he is. You ever see the Jamie Listo video?

No, what is that? It's the funniest off the cuff line ever by a standup. Yeah. It's online. He gets, he's that's Tampa side splitters and he got electrocuted by the microphone. Oh, maybe it was in Knoxville. Yeah. And he gets electrocuted and he's like, fucking, it nails him.

He's like, falls back. He's all fucked up. And the crowd's like all confused confused and he doesn't say anything. He's all wacky. He goes Could you guys see my bones? It's amazing. He got electrocuted and has like the perfect joke All right, let's go. What do you got? Is that it? Yeah, check out my website Eric Rivera confer dates in Twitter at Eric He's still a website. What do you got? Yeah, check out my website ericover.com for dates and Twitter at ericover You still have a website. What is it fucking 1998? You have a website you Shut up. Go ahead Kelly just take a hit you fucking queer

Get a haircut. Would you you dying your hair by the way? I am don't you get the medicine I'm actually he's got the medicine. I wait till I start going on the road like I'm doing it this week I got meetings next week. You get the medicine. Yeah I'm starting I'm thinking about it. I got the salt pepper. Yeah, you're coming in coming in hard on the temples Right now You go to the meetings and they start looking at you and they start staring after the and you're like, ah Fucking two meetings on the meetings, okay? after the and you're like, gosh, I'm fucking two meetings on the meetings, okay? Fuck again, you go to the meetings,

like you have fucking, like there's a season for you in LA. I start my season of meetings, go fuck yourself. I do, mid-stems have a bit of trouble. Okay, so I'm Spanish, my mom's Spanish, but she can't speak it, we get it. I love edic, edic. What do you got brother? Yeah, at Jason Lawhead, L-A-W-H-E-A-D, just how it sounds. And I got this podcast, you know, not all sports, but I gear

it towards it called Lawhead's Court, which is like iTunes and all that stuff. Check it out. Jasonlawhead.com, man, man. Oh, fucking check it out, man. Thanks, it was great. Oh, it's fun. Both of you, Eric, you too, man.

Fucking great. And he was a little better than you but you know He I'm not kidding, but he I'm kidding. I don't you feel bad. Go ahead. What's up, Mike? Yo, holla at me at yo Mike Brown on Twitter, you know, I mean we could talk politics if you want Howling my podcast comedy outliers podcast. I'm being DC on the weekend of August 28 so hit me up about that man Whatever man be coming to your city man R.P. Mike Brown Can you translate that for your white listeners? Yeah guys if you want to contact me please just hit me up on Twitter at your mic brown I'm gonna be in DC soon

Yeah, let's just hit the piece everywhere outside. I don't think there's anything if there's a wider word in the world it's soon The word soon I'll be there soon is the whitest Often is the widest word Yeah, well often I do I try try to often you're like what do you get? He's a fucking world of warcraft game on a Sunday at some ghetto mall. It's fucking sad It's pretty right now, right? Get em all it's fucking a sass is free right now, right? I Sass is free in the fucking box right I use my elixir against you now tell me your plugs

Hey everybody you can follow me on mr. Under score be columns You can also check out comedy outliers website www.comyoutliers.com Yeah, and I'm doing you show yeah,, in November, which is a little far out, but oh, September 20th, my Browns birthday show, come on for that, I'm gonna have tickets out for that soon. Check out the website. Come, come if you like. Where is it at?

22 Warren. Am I invited? No. I'm shit, all right, what up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, Jesus, that was fucking so not invited. Because I want people coming out when they're coming to November, I to November joy. We need anybody everyone

Alright good joke What do you have a fight you have a calendar? I go old school. I started comedy in the 80s. You have a calendar Two bucks. I want a shit in that What's that makes me you're feeling I have my You have an iPhone though. I know, but I can't speak the date into it. It's old you can literally say Make appointment on the 28th of November Tampa plan parenthood War it removal

I go book. I'm old school dog. All right. Go ahead. I hope you lose it. Hey all your All your friends that just saw you in Providence yes, the Providence Comedy Connections September 12th and 13th. Oh go see him You guys unbelievable. We'll go to the titty-bye after oh, I know it was a whole house. Oh Yeah, I know all about it. Where that's why I'm getting my things. Where's the whole house? Fucking warrants where Warren Street I'm fucking Warren's in. Where? Warren's Street. 22 Warren's Street.

Yeah, why? What else you get? I'll be there and then the following week after that will be at Nick's Boston, September 19th and 20th. So New England. Is Mikey still booked that at my clock? No, he has booked it since the 80s. Who booked that?

Tollman? No. He's ain't got the book's province. Okay. Oh really? I'm doing the Gary Gullman tour. I'll be at Helium and Philadelphia. October 9, 10, 11 with the Gary Gullman.. I'm a helium and Philadelphia October 9, 10, 11 with Gary Gullman. It's a tour He's doing a tour. Is it is he just doing shows because I mean, I guess I'm doing a tour too, right?

I'm not gonna speak to Gary. Do we just call things tours now? I Can you call a comedy club a tour are you there one night? Three nights. Yeah, that's just a show. I don't fucking call it a tour You talk talk to Gary. He's a'm talking to you right now. I love Gary and I'm talking to you right to fuck now. What you talking about? I'm telling this. Yeah, yeah. Me and Gary are going to fight in a hot tub in Cabo. Because I said Obama was a liberal something. And he went, he's not a fucking. I'm sick of you. He's not a liberal. I thought he was. Yeah, I'm off of my tangent again. There you gonna get this is gonna be the worst Twitter week of my life

I'm gonna get a bunch of people threatening me with oh and a fucking icons call me a big fan. I don't listen to this show Scobo what do I got guys two things with stories? Oh, yeah, the millions and millions right? Yeah, yeah, people one of the millions Scobo what do I got? Uh, Bobby will be in... I thought he was gonna do me, but then he just... I'm gonna do you last. Okay. Because you're gonna be a show-in-a-show with me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, oh, who do you wanna go? You first, you, what are you, a fo- What will we usually do with me first, as well? I can't do you. Go ahead, Chris. Yeah, that's what we- I can't go right to you.

Alright, go ahead. At Chris, can you please follow Chris? Now that Kelly's gone, can you please follow? I need him to have self-esteem on the show. Yeah, I got some good candidates for Kelly's spot, by the way. Oh, I need, hey, if you guys, if anybody's interested in being an intern for the show and filling in, you know, it's a lot of video and Facebook and Scopo and Kelly can teach you we email me at ykwd at ryecast.com

I don't want fucking comics that Are funny, okay? No kidding no if you're not a comic you don't have to be a comic to do it either if you're just a fan of the show Or you have time we usually do it on Tuesday's the afternoon or at night, so fan of the show. All you have time. We usually do it on Tuesdays the afternoon or at night. So if you want to, we have Adrian to where the fuck is he? He had to stay at serious today. He's been having these introduce stuff. Yeah, whatever.

All right, August 28th, 29th and 30th. Bob will be inside splitters in Tampa. 23rd, 24th, 25th, 26th. They're going to be in Denmark in the Bremen, New Seater, in Denmark and Copenhagen. Can I open? Yeah. October 2nd, 3rd and 4th. going to be in Denmark in the Bremen Theatre in Denmark in Copenhagen. Can I open? Yeah.

October 2nd, 3rd and 4th, you make comics and Fox Woods. And then at 10th, you're going to be at the one night only, comedy shop and has it in New Jersey. Yep. The 10th. That's right. I'm going to, and we start filming that week. And then I'm at the casino in Niagara Falls on October 11th.

Go to robbercallylive.com. I have a beautiful website in Niagara Falls on October 11th. Go to robbercallylive.com. I have a beautiful website. You got a website, dude? I'm sorry, you can't take a hit. I didn't know you couldn't take a hit. Kelly, what the fuck? You have a website, too.

Good come back. I'm trying to do a Bobby impression and halfway realize it's stung and I just stopped. I just shut it down. I want a new haircut, too, by the way way. What next up? I'm on yeah, I don't like you shiny I use gel forehead either Fucking Jersey Shore shiny forehead wheel. Tony fucking gel pimples you have on it. Oh Too far All right, so make sure you check out

On my website check out on my website, check out my amazing award-winning app, which I have the award right here. If you want, the podcast is on there. All my dates, everything is up there. So go to Robert Kelly on iTunes and check out the app. It's free. And check out the Riotcast app. It's free.

We have amazing shows, Davey Mack sports program, Hammer Fisting, Bailey J. Show, Jersey Jerks, Mad Science, Scientist Party Hour. My wife hates me, weird medicine, the hall,

and why you suck in bed. Nick DePolo, and we're adding two more shows that I will be announcing very soon, which I'm very excited about. So please make sure you check out the ride cast network and at ridecast.com, at ridecast on Twitter. And what else, anything else?

Oh, you guys just donated this month too. You guys are the best. Thanks for donating. There's a donate button if you guys wanna donate five, 10, 15, 2000, $3,400, just make sure if you're gonna die if you something's happening to you and you have money and you don't wanna leave it

to you shitty relatives, just donate to us. We'll take it. If it's enough, I'll buy everybody a boat. A seagull, everybody gets a seagull. What a person. What if that happened? That'd be a great sickle. Maybe you should pitch that, you fucking asshole.

So I'm on a podcast and they donate to me and You guys are the best thank you so much to listen to the you know what Listening to YKWD podcast Thanks for listening Now go back to your shitty jobs Shitty jobs Checkoutryocast.com For all the best podcasts on the internet

And they're all free And they're all free Shoggy Shoggy Shoggy Shoggy Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desesperan. ¡Fliparás!

Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Carifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.