Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - One on One with Colin Quinn

Episode Date: June 21, 2017

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You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network, Riotcast.com. Welcome to the You Know What Dude podcast. This is a special edition where Robert goes one on one with some of the most interesting people in the world. Or at least in his world. So sit back and relax, and enjoy. You know what, dude? You know what, dude?

I know what, dude. The you know what, dude, podcast. One, on one. One. One. One. One. One.

One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. Hey, this is Robert Kelly. I'm sitting here with the great Colin Quinn, the great Colin Quinn. Am I correct in assuming so? Oh, yes, you are correct. I am, right? Yeah. Tap on the top of your mic. Oh, right. Yeah, you could. Yeah, you got to kind of hold these mics up there. Up here?

Yeah. Yeah, right there. Is that okay? Yeah. Go ahead. A little more. Like, eat it. Like, blow it?

Right there. Why you have to blow up? I don't know. I don't know. Blowing it is the... Well, yeah. This is better. That's so much better.

Okay. What's up, dude? What's going on? That's so much better. Okay. What's up, dude? What's going on? Nothing's going on, pup, come on. Terrible. I know. We're doing this podcast from the Riot Cast Studios. I could have probably just hooked up into the board

and did this, but I didn't know if we were gonna, we're doing a little test right now making sure everything runs. The problem with podcasting, you're gonna make sure you little test right now making sure everything runs the problem with podcasts And you're gonna make sure you test up front make sure everything's running right correct Yeah, let's let's hear you well We're doing the podcast like you said we're gonna be probably start talking at least start about talking about put a year The hours of stand up, which is kind of an interesting thing. I don't know how many people have discussed that obviously stand up has been

discussed to the point of madness, but nobody's really talking about putting the other new hours. No, just kind of an interesting thing. Putting the other hour is, I'm doing it right now. And it's, uh, it's actually crazy. Yeah, it is. It's, it's like you work so hard It's it's this thing that doesn't seem possible

Right It's not possible. It's it's it brings me back to high school or junior high Having this impossible amount of work to get to the next grade right and it's never gonna happen Unless I cheat or get somebody to do it, and you sit in there with this, the first hour seems like it's, you know, it's just, it's there one day. I paid a kid in pot to take a test for me once

and when I went to college. Really? Yeah. Why? Because I was gonna fail. And did he do it? Yep. And you passed? How would you get? Like 80s, I don to college. Really? Yeah. Why? Because I was gonna fail. And did you do it? Yep. And you passed? How would you get? Like 80s. I didn't want to do a great great gauge, you know, whatever I could get. It's funny too because people, oh shit, hang on one second, I was gonna make

sure these mics work because you're coming in way low, but it might be your raspy voice. No, don't blame my voice. Let me hear you. I'm fine. My voice is fine. voice. No, don't play my voice. Let me hear you. I'm fine. My voice is fine. Yeah, I mean, it sounds fine. Yeah, but it's not coming in fine. Let's go on the board. What board? Get back behind the desk. What are you talking about? Drop this idea. Let's get to the desk. Well, you don't like the idea. Do it again. All right. Talk more. Okay. So anyway, yeah, we'll turn it on the new hours. Yes. And the, and the, and the, I got you.

I was working good. Yeah, I just didn't have you knob. Oh, okay. You sound great now. Good. So yeah, so I mean, you start out comedy and you have five minutes of material, right?

Right. And you don't know what you're doing. Right. Yeah. Which is right now random? And you don't know what you're doing. Right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Just writing down random things. You don't know what you're doing. Yeah. There's a long time. It takes five years to understand what you're doing at all. Just barely. Right. Five years before you understand anything. But I almost think that at least when I was coming up dead, you didn't even understand, you were just doing it. You weren't trying to even understand it. You were just doing it. Until that point where somebody was like, I mean, I didn't even think about an hour.

I didn't even think about filming anything. I thought about the next gig, the next live gig. Where am I gonna get the net? am I going to become a middleer? When am I going to be able to go up last and headline and make a few hundred bucks instead of fifty bucks? And that was the only goals. And then it was when are you going to get to New York or when are you going to be able to work weekends at the club?

Right. And when are you going to get some call, you know, it's like these, I was just looking for the next job, not thinking about, oh my God, I'm coming up with an hour. And then all was sudden, but headline, it means coming up with an hour. But, I mean, when I was coming up,

yeah, how coming up with the hour, but not for television, it was, I think the first thing about television. Your first hour was for gigs. Yeah, of course But I'm saying it's still an out. It's still like that. I don't think it's like that anymore Who the hell is the name of television with it 1975 buddy? Everybody there's a lot of people with an hour that don't even headline on the road

There is huh? Well, I think that there's not that they're not headlining of crime being i'm exaggerating but you know when you think of a headlining road comic or club comic that goes up anywhere anytime no matter what i mean you have comics now that you know get fame before they get firm you know they mean before that i would have course is money people like that so it's like i think uh... I don't know, it's like, I think back, I just remember, you didn't, like it wasn't available, that hour was for famous people, because it was, they didn't

do hours a lot back when I was coming up. That's right. were very limited and very special. And then now it seems like everybody's got a fucking hour. There's so many hour specials out there. Sure, but that's, it still doesn't change the fact that it's hard once you do your hours, right? Then you have to write a new one. Yeah, I guess I'm going to the end of the conversation right at the beginning. I apologize. But that first hour that you come up with I think is a little, my point is a little easier because you're not thinking, you're just thinking about stage time.

Not only that, but how many people's first hour is still your best hour. I mean, in a normal, what you would normally think is as you get older, you get better. Yeah. I'd stand up. But you had a lot of good shit. I wrote a lot of shit in my first hour. I'm like, damn, I wish I had that bit. And you know, there's only a finite amount of material people have.

It's like, you look at any band, their first couple of albums are the better ones. So it's like, all right, he's still putting out good stuff. Like Bruce Springsteen, Bruce Springsteen's like, hey, I want to play something from the new album. And everyone's like, okay, Bruce. And then could you play something from the album you did in 1977, please? Yeah. Would you play something from Morning Run? You're like, yeah, but the new one, I'm more sophisticated.

I understand myself better. We know, Bruce. I have a plan. My wife helped me write this one. She's going to come on and sing with you. Listen, Bruce, just go back to the old stuff. All of you. So I mean, with standup, it's a little different because we should be a more perspective.

But some great bits you had to give up, you know? Yeah, I actually think my second hour was my first hour was... Right, you never know what you're doing earlier. My first hour was, I did myself, and my second hour was a lot of fun. Yeah, the last one I like to, but it's weird, I think I like this one more, to be honest for you. That's good, but it's hard. I think. think I like this one more to be honest with you. It's good, but it's hard I think because here I'll say what else is hard? You're writing a new hour, right now There's some things you have left up like when you start you can't go on stage blank

What do you mean? So you go on? I mean, you don't go on stage you're doing some old stuff when you're going on the road You're not doing the new hour on the road right away when you're going on the road you're not doing the new hour on the road right away. You have to do some old stuff to get the man then in the middle you're doing all the new stuff and then the end you're kind of playing around either way. Nothing annoys me more when I hear a comic go you know when I once that hour is done I never do it again and I it's like, yeah, okay, that's fine. Because you can go into your bank account and there's a never-ending amount of fucking mortgage payments. I need to, I can't, if I go in to a club on a weekend and I sell tickets, I can't just go do a new, a new

hour. Nobody does a new hour. Some people do they don't do a blank new out nobody Bobby Nobody and some people have said they did well I'm telling you nobody in comedy goes up and does a blank new hour. I don't give a fuck Everybody in comedy you have to have some stuff that you have Maybe it's up you haven't done in front of it on you haven't taped that's but nobody's walking in blank and ripping off a new hour after fucking Six weeks. I'm gonna give a fuck. Okay, well some people say that. Oh whatever, but I mean, I don't know who says that But it's it's ridiculous nobody's tearing off a new hour out of fucking nowhere. Okay, but in my opinion

I mean I I love I love just talk you ever saying that and go wait a minute now break this down for me But um, but you're using stuff. I'm just saying you're using stuff from right, you know You always have to I mean here your first hour. Where did you film it? Where did you film it does it exist? He did like it did like half hours I did a couple of half hours that were kind of in a half a haste So it doesn't exist they exist. I'm sure. But it's not out there as an hour. No, no.

That's crazy. Which is good. It's good. For me. It's like Patrice, a lot of his first jokes, are unavailable. Right. You can't get them.

Yeah. They were never recorded. Yeah, but it's good. Well, it's bad now. Yeah. It might have been good then, if you're still around to be all right. Right.

Because you'd have a chance to maybe but a lot of stuff that's great, it gets dated. So even though it was amazing stuff, people are like, oh, that's not that good. And it's like, no, at the time it was amazing. But you know what, but times change. So suddenly Patrice has this great bit. And like, other people do she like that.

It's like, yeah, they did it after he did it. Right. The time it was a breakthrough bit, you know people do shit like that. I was like, yeah, they did it after he did it. But I mean, you know, at the time, it was a breakthrough bit, you know. That happens a lot too. It's, it's the, you have how many hours, how many, one minute shows? Well, I mean, I did two that never got filmed, but what was the name of them?

Irish Wake and my two cents. My two cents? What was that? Don't answer that one. Don who? Your wife. When the fuck did my wife see a show without me? You were out of town and she came into my show.

What are you talking about? When was this? 2007, 2000, 2010. Where's your phone? All right here. You have my wife's number in my phone? I don't think so. You better not.

Ha ha. Typing, I want you don't think so. You better not. Type in, I want you to search for baby. My wife's number comes up under baby, I'm going to kill you. Brother. Let me say. Hold on. When did my wife come and see you special? It's all right, I digags over. All right, you're right. Because you can't see your phone. It's taken too long. Yeah, it was a... This was Sam Arella, he was one of the first. Two thousand seconds. Two thousand tenth. Yeah, it was a this was Sam Arella. He was one of the 2000s 2000s my wife and came where was I on the road somewhere really and did I set it up? I must have set it up. I don't know

You fucking know Yeah, you can't do the show all right, well, I mean I was one show, but anyway, I did the Irish wake I did these two that my two sensors.'t get the film either one of them. Right. And the Irish Wake, it's funny, because I never got the film, and this was literally on Broadway for two months. On Broadway.

On Broadway, but in those days, this is like 1998. You don't sell Broadway. Yeah, in 1998, you won a lot of film. Yeah, so they were like, and it was like, now that somebody would have a copy of something, I have no copies, I have no film other than what's the most. So the only way you could ever have this

is if you remembered what you did. No, I have written in various in carnation, I have various things of it, but now the full show that was on Broadway, I have no way of having no. Ever, never, never. Silly, crazy. It's sad. Yeah Now let me ask you a question because you have one man shows right and then you have standup

You have these hours this this new thing you're working now is our stand special. It's an hour But it's not a standard special. I mean honestly I mean, I don't even know what it is yet, but it's not I don't want to just I, I don't want to even film it right now because like what you just said, there's such a saturation. So what do I do? Just film it for what? So I'm like, hey, I have another hour out. Give it to shit. You know what I mean?

But you went, you started doing these one-man shows. It's not an hour special. You think of an hour special. It is just the pure act of making somebody laughed for that hour, just solid. Not that they all do that. But that's what you think, especially. Your one-man shows, it's a little more slower paste, but it's a lot of information inside of very funny uh... format you're giving us information about new york city

but uh... how it all fits together culturally in a very blue collar funny but smart way instead of could you pull that off you can't pull it off at the fucking uh... the you know the the fucking toedo funny bound.

Well, it's funny to say that because exactly, I mean, exactly, I was at the Columbus place and I did my latest stuff with this kind of a structure and like they were laughing, but the minute I lost the structure, after the first show, it was doing much better. Because you can do it, but it's never gonna be quite the same, you know what I mean?

And it feels weird to let you in and say, okay, we're laughing, but the structure thing is bugging us. And I'm like, it's a psychological thing. I think it's very psychological, is that, okay, when you go into new joke night, right, and they know it's new joke night, they're laughing way more. Right, that's right.

Like, I went last week and I said, look, I'm not telling jokes. I have to tell this story. Right. For Irish affairs, this is not happening. Yeah. So this is a story. Yeah. And this it's about addiction. And here you go. They're with me much more than if I had just went up at the seller and tried to do that story. That's right. I would have bombed at the seller. That's right. Because psychologically they'rebed at the cell. That's right. Because psychologically, they're expecting something different. It's like, we're trying to get a drink of milk and it's actually orange juice.

You're like, yeah, what the fuck? That's right. You hate either one. That's right. Right? So with this one-man show, in the club, if you lose that structure, is it just, is it just, is it-

The drugs will work. Right. But you just have to change what you said, like the milk and the orange juice you have to change The nobody wants to hear something that's totally Thematic for a whole hour when they're in a club. Yeah, they don't get they're like hey man Listen I had a couple of drinks. I'm here. This is the way it work You know, I mean the guys before you were doing the right with them even if you're better still

I want to hear you know, I mean I want you to back around different side, you know There's a rhythm, even if you're better, still, I want to hear, you know what I mean? I want you to back around different side. You know, there's a rhythm. And it's a great rhythm because it disciplines you. So instead of doing a long one-man show that's not getting laughs a whole time, I'm nervous. If I'm not getting laughs, if I'm doing the Constitution show and then I laugh, I'm starting to feel uncomfortable, which is a good thing. Why?

Because I don't want to do a show. I'm not a, I'm not a brilliant philosopher. It's got, I don't have answer. If I had answers, then I'd say, okay, I've got answers. So you should have been listening. But I don't hear anybody in the world with answers. So in the meantime, I'm just making my observations. I want to get laughs while I'm doing it. That's what I, that's what I'm trying to do. Get laughs. So if I'm, if I'm doing by the Constitution and I'm not getting laughs and I don't have some brilliant answer to the whole problem though Some and solution then what's what am I doing up there? She's rambling talking. I might as well be teaching a class But I want to say no, no, I'm gonna make this funny and still observe certain things that I want to talk about

Yeah, yeah, and that's you know that's that's the challenge for me, you know but it's I mean do you think that all these, how many hours, five hours, along with your specials and your one-man shows? That's a lot of fucking material. And now this new one, six? No, it's new one. It's five. Six. It's a six. You have six hours. Right.

I mean, you're burning through material. Like with me, it takes me a couple years. Me too. To come up with. Me too. Takes me a couple of years too. So why is it that we have all these specials out there? We have all this material, all these hour specials. And nothing is really blowing us away. Like when you saw Richard Pryor's live in concert, you were like, what the fuck? I mean, looking back on it, it's not the greatest material, it's not.

But it's just, there was something about it. Eddie Murphy's Delirious. There was some and raw even right I would say that you know Even Ellen Ellen's first two specials were like what the fuck? But in those days there was less it was more of an event. I mean you look at Chris You know what I mean Chris rock when he did yeah bring the paint. You know what I mean? Louis first special. You know, like those, even, even up almost 10 years ago. But it's like those specials, whatever combination of where they hit and what was out there it was like, okay, people just click in.

But now there's 50 specials a year. I mean, like you said, there's 100 hours. There's probably 100 hours coming out this year. It's crazy. 100, hours. And most of them are good, but so what? Everybody's like, that was okay. What's next?

So unless you came in, unless you came from like, I don't know what you would do unless you came from another planet to really hit people with like, I've never seen anything like that. Everybody else is like, even the big names, it's like people see them or else is like, you know, even the big names, it's like,

people see them or don't. It's almost like even the big names, it's like, you'll get around to it. That's right. Exactly. You'll get around. Like Dave Chappelle, I mean, hasn't been back. He came over to.

He came over to, it's like, what the fuck is that? I don't know what to do. Right, right, right. Like, I don't know what to do with that. Why did you do to? I do. Right, right, right. Like, I don't know what to do with that. Why did you do two? I know. Well, he had two.

Yeah, but why? Like, why didn't it come out? I don't know, like six months later. Because they're saying, hey, let's do something different. He's probably like, hey, guess what? Everybody's doing out special. I'll do two, you know what I mean? But it's getting to be like comedy shows in the city where just a comedy show isn't

enough anymore. We have to be like comedy shows in the city where just a comedy show isn't enough anymore. We have to be naked. We have to wear something on our head. We have to do roast battles. We have to, you know, everything is always some fucking weird thing now where stand up comedy is not enough. An hour is not enough.

An hour is not enough. But I do feel that the one good thing about comedy, the one thing about comedy is that when people go out, no matter what, even though it's always going to be weird and whoever, you know, it's never going to make sense. Yeah. When people go out and they're sitting in that audience and you make them laugh for an hour, right? That's still important in the sense that they walk out and they go, I just got my money's worth. And you can go see a lot of stuff, a lot of plays, a lot of bands. And you're like, all right, that was okay, but I don't know if I enjoyed myself. I get a little bored with stand up.

If you're laughing for an hour, you're like, I got my money's worth. Yeah. You know, I came to laugh. This person advertised as somebody's going to make me laugh for an hour and they did it. Yes. That's important. That's good. And the world we a lot of stuff was like, yeah, it was a rip off and that was unqually. It's not a rip off. If you're laugh for an hour and they did it. Yes, that's important. That's good in the world We a lot of stuff is like yeah, it was a rip off and that was a quality. It's not a rip off if you're laughing for an hour Yeah, you're not getting robbed

I want to talk to you about this because this is what here use this mic because this mic seems to be better Talking to that. Yes. Oh my god. So much better Can you hear me? Yeah? Okay, here we go. Yeah, this is so much better. Okay, go ahead. Okay. Yeah, so much better.

Sorry about the first couple of minutes of that, but you, like the process of writing for you, I find it's grueling for me to write jokes. I write a lot on stage. Like I'll just go up with something that happened that day, right? And I'll just go up and and and do it and just you know, fuck it right wing it and then all of a sudden Something will come out of that. I'll say something funny blah blah blah And then I have the scurrying of the joke and then I'll just keep working it right almost like a song

You hear songwriters all the time talk about You know, oh, it just came to me in five minutes, like one of the greatest songs in the world. Right, right. And I get that because sometimes really good jokes for me because I write on stage a lot and I very rarely do I go home and punch something up, you know, with work like on a computer. I usually do it on a notepad a little bit and then go on stage and save it and keep adding to it. Like how do you, how do you do it? Because your jokes, you know,

there's information in your jokes that you kind of have to know. Just see what these one-man shows. You have to know history and you're telling us a thing of history about a certain group and then the joke is coming in at the end Right, right. How do you how do you come up with that? Well, it's just say it's like it's like I keep thinking about like the Constitution shows the best example of I'm right to show at the Constitution So I'm going one of my trying to say and he always I started writing was I don't understand why people love this

Constitution now everybody's always obsessed with how great it is I go what's so great about it's just a stupid system they put together it's boring the way they wrote about and I go what's so great about it and I go oh I start reading about the constitution and I'm like oh they wrote it while they were drinking for three days that's kind of cool so I go oh so I start I start saying oh it makes sense like all these laws are like guys in a bar. What do they come, what would you think of if you were a group of guys that were in a bar

trying to figure out this little country? Like if me and you, I don't know, we wouldn't admit, but I'm saying if we were the group of guys and we're like, listen, I got a state, you got a state. I got these people acting like this, you got people acting like that. We're trying to put this together so we don't get attacked by somebody.

What do we do, what do we do? What do we think and we hash it out? So I start thinking that way and then I'm like oh now it makes sense and then these guys are like We don't want to be like this. We don't be like this. We don't be like this All the systems that existed and I'm like, oh, it's funny because it's like us Like I look at it like we're a couple of these founding fathers And then I'm like that's funny. That's funny. Of course. They would think that way you make it in the end I mean and so I'm thinking that way. So that is what started the,

you know, that one man show about the constitution. Yeah, the fact that I was like, I don't understand why people love this, why people love this document, whether they're on the left or right, they love this document. And that just from that little nugget, you're like, okay, I'm gonna do a show on this.

And you found out how it was done, and you're like, oh my God, then you compare it to where you're at today. And then you're like, I wanna read a show on this. Right. How do you know there's enough material on that one thing? I mean, yeah. Well, because I'm sort of doing the history of the country.

It's sort of about the history of how the Constitution, but yeah, I don't know, but I'm saying, but it's such a big document and such an important document. It kind of lent us to where we are now that I kind of knew that there might be something there, you know. But at some point, do you get, was there any point where you like, dude, I got nothing left. Well, you had to find another avenue. Yeah, find enough. All the time. What what I started doing was I started doing all this other stuff. There's old material in the middle of the show. Right. Look as like I said, I couldn't imagine doing a straight new hour of the

Constitution. So I had all this other stuff. And then the other stuff I kept windwindling it away. Right. And that's that's what I thought everybody does with a new outlet like that old stuff in the middle. You do the other stuff I kept windwindling it away and that's that's what I thought everybody does for the new out like I've old stuff in the middle you do you got the stuff and then wind it slowly away and I listen to the stupid tapes every day Which was torture and I read all this stuff about the concert where these books on the Constitution You know when she's not looking for anything like they always say if you need an air conditioner You notice all the ads for air conditioners true if like a new new car. Like once you're looking for a new car, all of a sudden, that's all you see is the car you're looking at. Yeah.

I didn't even know they existed. Exactly. And it's the same with the Constitution. You start seeing all these, oh, that person went to the Constitution on some radio show. And I never even thought about that person or the show, but that's what they talk about. And then you look on YouTube, of course,

there's everything on there. People talking about the Constitution. So you're just you got obsessed with the constitute reading books on it. Yeah for For sorry these mics are fucking up. I'm sorry. Yeah You got to what the fuck let's go to the board. We're not going to the board We're not going to the board. We're not going to the goddamn board. I just a little fuck up It's called the hiccup in the audio world. Yeah, okay We might have to go to the goddamn board. There's just a little fuck up. It's called the hiccup in the audio world. Okay, we might have to go to the board. Here we go.

Your mic is just smoking hot. My mic is just off. And I don't know why, that's the problem. But it's better that your mic be on and my mic be off than vice versa, right? I guess. Yeah, absolutely. You're the podcast.

Guest. You're the guest. Exactly. All right, here we go. Maybe that works right there. Let's just keep it there. I guess yeah, absolutely you're the you're the guest you're the guest exactly All right, here we go. Maybe that works right there. Let's just keep it there So what we're saying is like you said about when you look at for a new call It's the same thing with comedy as you know when you're talking about a certain bit. Yes Suddenly you start thinking in terms of that bit So something happens to you that day that bit you're working on you like I got to write that down because that reminds me that bit

Something happens to you that day that bit you working on you like I got to write that down because that reminds me that bit Right, and that's just what it it's a weird process and it's a hard one. It's hard because so much has been covered and You're always like, but no, but here's the thing with your thing. Nobody has covered the Constitution That's what sets you apart because you're this guy from Brooklyn, okay, raspy voice, fuck, you know, look, you're not known as, you know, a fucking, the, a Greg Proops, you don't need the smartest guy in the world or whatever, you're not claiming to be. But I was saying, here you are, this fucking sweat aware and dude, rusty voice from Brooklyn guy, breaking down the Constitution. But a lot of people believe me, a lot of idiots

didn't understand, they're like, oh, he's not talking about all the amendments. It's like, no, no. Like you said, I'm breaking it down to what it means personal. What it means to all personalities, Americans. Right. And they're like, he didn't discuss.

It's like they want you to go into like, hey man, this amendment is like, shut up. Then it's not funny. Right. It's funny if you're talking about the nature of why we are the way we are as people. Right. Based on the Constitution. But every, like, a couple of people just like, yeah, you know, I read these things of course online, which is always very healthy for you. I'm like, well, he doesn't really, he covered this, or a couple of reviewers who were like, he doesn't really talk about the Constitution. It's like, no stupid.

I am talking about the constitution. I'm really talking about it. You're really excited. You want me to throw a fence of fancy terminology that people are ready in the constitution. How does that help comedy or show being interesting, you know? Right. That's the thing. As we both know, a comedian, one of our jobs is get rid of the fat when you're on stage.

Right, well, I mean you both have a time, a hard time with that. I mean, yeah, but it's me more than you lately. But in the act, three years. But you know what I'm saying? Yeah. The is get rid of all the excessive, like all the things that everybody says every day. Yeah. Basically, that we all say we say it too.

Yeah. But it's like, so if I'm on stage, I'm saying what I don't know. But whatever the subject is, people are like, okay, get to the joke more or less. So it doesn't mean you can't have some setup, you have to have setup, you want to give you a, you want to convey, you're not just up there to make people laugh, you're also like, hey, this is Robert Kelly's story, This is how I feel and how I see things based on my life. But that being said, you're not up there to go, hey, please, just listen to me. You're like, listen to me. And what I do, why you pay me is because I'll make you laugh

when I discuss it. And hopefully you'll be able to go, I get, I felt it. I identify with it, but I'm also laughing because guess that's the job, that's what comedians means. Yeah. Now that you have this new hour that you're working on, you basically pretty much opened up the fat black pussycat. But you're the first comic to start going in there and just inflicting myself cell phone the audience weekly. But you sell it out every week and the crowd is definitely there to see you or to see that

type of show that they know it's you. Right. They're paying to come see you and you go up there with your notepad, you put it on the windowsill and you go step by step through your little chunks and You're you taping it every night taping it every night. Okay, so stop there. You're taping it every night on what? Don't my phone. Okay, so just on your phone. Yeah, and you can hear that. Yeah, okay So you're on your phone you taping it every night and then what do you do with that audio? So you're on your phone, you're taping it every night, and then what do you do with that audio?

Well, what I did with unconstitutional was I was at Creek and Cave all the time, and I taped it, and I listened to it every day on the train. With this, I've been a little bit slack. So I'll listen to like every two weeks I'll listen to one out of four, which is not good. I should be doing it every day, the way I did it with the other one right and so I've been But I've listened to a bunch, but I haven't listened all the time Which is not you supposed to listen them all or at least listen to whatever you think the new section might be right here But like before I gave a listen to it, you know, and then that gives you new Insights, but if I was doing it the way I did it for unconstitutional, I'd be a lot farther along. And even New York story I did it that way too. It's funny because I was talking Ari about the show,

his show, this is not happening. And I was like, what a story are you doing? And I'm like, oh, I'm doing the story. I did it on his live show once, I already did it. And the producer was like, that's a good one, whatever. So I was like, cool. And then he's like, make sure you go on stage and do it. And I was like, like, like, go on stage and tell the story.

He's like, yeah, just fuck you. It's gonna suck. You're gonna bomb. Who cares? Just do it. Do it around 13 times. Just keep doing it. 13, well, that's what he said.

Just keep doing it. Keep doing it. Because every time you go up, it's gonna get better. It'll get worse. It'll get better. You'll come up with new stuff record all the sets and Listen to him and and keep adding those little things and by the time you shoot the show the story you'll have You'll know parts of funny, right? So he goes he goes so many people bomb

You know on the show, right? He's like because they just go up and think they're gonna tell a story and That doesn't always prevail right because it's just it was good there, but it was good and And believe it or not every time I go up it becomes something else. Yeah, it like Something I'll say something else or another nuance will happen or another part of the story I remember right and and right, of course. And you're like, oh God, and now a sudden you have, and then it started, it sucked, I bombed, it just was terrible. And I was like, fuck me, I don't wanna do the show,

I wanna cancel. And then the next night I went up, I added a little piece up in front of him, I'm just gonna try this. And that opened up a whole new thing, that he went down. And you keep fucking with it, everything. All of a sudden, you're like, oh my God, here's this.

I have a 10 minute, I could make this a bit. That's great. That's great. This could actually be something in my act if I kept working it. Right. And I was like, wow, like, and it's refreshing, and it's not, you know what I'm sitting there going, oh shit, some of my other jokes are these thoughts. And it's refreshing and it's not, you know what I'm saying? They're going to shit.

Some of my other jokes are these thoughts. Right. You know, like I have a thing about urinals, or you know, and it's like, or I have a thing about how porn's free. And yeah, they're jokes and yes, I get laughs. But I'm sitting there going, they're not personal to me. Right. They are a little bit, but not really. I mean, you know, being an alcoholic or

You know Being an addict or you know something like that or some some situation that happened to me is so personal to me And so part of my life and then you think of this other stuff. this other comedy that you're right. And you're like, fuck, it's not the same. And am I should you go like your comedy, you always write, especially the last four or five years, you've always written almost on a subject, right thing, your view on it. Right. Like you don't have any jokes that are kind of out of the box. Like do you avoid that intentionally? What do you I mean do you do those jokes anymore? Sure do. But first of all two things. One is did you ever the point when I was he is did you ever go, Ari, your show is not big enough

to warrant me doing 13 bomb sets of experimentation. Thank God you got a bit out of it. Secondable home. Ha ha ha. What show is big enough? Not Ari. There's nothing. There's no more shows that are big.

What show is big? What show is big? What show are you be like, oh my God, I'm doing the tonight show who Mike Vecchi owned it in last night but everybody does it yeah not that I love Mike every year. Oh great and Bobby yeah I heard you made fun of me on the I don't appreciate things that up Mike I don't get fucking hooded by Mike and then Ali. It's all I got that was a pretty big thing for me man. Yeah, but I mean no no, it's it's I'm just saying the what you were talking about which is that when you grow what you grow what you get out of that story

Yeah, it is more fun It is more fun when you're doing stuff that's that sort of personal, but it's fucking great as you know We both know all the talk in the world means shit We're doing Pittsburgh together, right? So here's this crowd in Pittsburgh. Somebody's on before you and they're killing, right? Right. And you're like this. Right then at that moment, I don't give a fuck about personal, I don't give a fuck about, and I just want my jokes to not bomb. And so there's also that

part of comedy, which is a good thing because it keeps us honest yeah so all the theoretical like you know i want to talk about this and it's like this crowd is gonna fucking eat me alive or they're not and so those times i'm like hey guess what i'm glad i got my fucking jokes and that's a big part of it too but that's important because most people in show business never have to deal with that So some guy can be writing TV shows or screenplays or whatever in a kind of an insular world where everybody's kind of supportive Guess what when you're dealing with a fucking crowd. They're like, I don't know

This guys are fucking steel worker. This guy's a fucking computer nerd They're all in the fucking audience and they all want a a fucking laugh. And the person before me is killing. Yeah. Then guess what? All the, hey, you know, I want to make sure, it's like, fuck this, fuck this, fuck I'm losing my note, I come out there and fucking kill. And that matters.

That's part of what we do too. Right, yes. Right? Yeah, I mean, I mean, because, yeah, I mean, your comic ego. It's comic ego, but it's also, they're saying, we paid to laugh. And I believe in comedians getting laughs

from the fucking audience. So it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we wanna hear your opinion. If you can make it funny, I wanna hear anything about you. But if I'm not laughing, I'd rather have a guy out there with a fucking joke book. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'll do install the material. I'll do install the material. I'm not left and I'd rather have a guy out there with a fucking joke book You know what I mean? Yeah, I'll do and stolen material. We're doing stolen material I want a fucking laugh. Yeah, so it's good. It's a good. It's it can be too much sometimes and then you know Like you said it becomes thieves and hacks Well, it's there's a discipline there. That's that's good. Well, it's like I love my act

You know right by the time it's an hour, I don't love it anymore. I know, I know. And people don't understand when you sick of it is the time when it's finally honed perfectly. Yeah, there's something different about a song. You know, I know you, you know, I'm sure people get sick of singing a song. I'm sure Prince got sick of singing purple rain. Yes. I'm sure that Michael Jackson, you know, I'm sure people get sick of singing a song. I'm sure Prince got sick of singing Purple Rain. I'm sure that Michael Jackson, you know, I'm sure that all these people

led Zeppelin got sick of, you know. Stay where they haven't. Yeah, I'm sure that they got sick of it after, you know. But there is a thing you can get into. You're playing the guitar, he's singing, he's doing the drums. Everybody's kind of doing this thing together, almost like a job.

When you're out there by yourself, and you're like, fuck, I'm done with this hour. And then, and here's a question, or here's a scenario I want you to kind of philosophize, ready? You got, and as soon as I said, philosophize her her Keith Robinson, shut your face, dummy.

Maybe why I loved it. I'm like, oh yeah. You have, you have, you have your hour, right? You have this hour that you did. And it's two years in. You're done. You did it. It's completed. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

Now you start to talk about something else. Right. But you still have to do that other hour. Right. You have that in there. Like you said, you have to open up with some stuff and close with some shion. And all of a sudden, your new hour is getting bigger and bigger. And you have that other shit still in there. Right. Right. Right. and you have that other shit still in there. Right, right, right. And it's not the same, it's different. Right.

And I mean, what the fuck do we do? What do we do with that? What do we, like, that's a hard thing for me to be on stage and be like, shit, I have an hour and 20, I could do. Right. What do I cut out? What do I do? What, okay, the new stuff's in there. I feel shitty leaving this old stuff behind.

Like I feel, it's scary. It's almost scary leaving it behind. Like not doing it anymore, and it's never been recorded. It's never been documented. Right. And where is it gonna go? Am I gonna remember it?

Was it done? Was it really done? Right I don't know like it's it's a weird transition Because you're trying to write all the time now. I mean, I mean, that's that's the curve that's been set Right to have a new hour these fans expect us right to have new shit every couple years Yeah, if not every year. Right. So what do we do?

I mean, yeah, no, it's a tough one. I mean, I think that like, yeah, I mean, once you go back into a market and these people come see again, they do expect new stuff, you know what I mean? But I mean, it's almost like a, that's why film that's why every filming special the time is probably not the best idea because I feel like then you do the special here's a ball is you know it's your film especially like okay I'll

never do that material again then you do one or two bits because you haven't gotten your new new out of you yeah and the crowd's like that bit was great like no that means I could have done all that old shit You would have killed even more you know me. Yeah, like how many people like I think there should be a rule Everybody has to watch your new hour Or else why are you doing everybody has to have watched it before they come into the show Here's your if you're selling out if you're if you're selling out theaters. I know you really you're on a selling out if you're selling out theaters. I know.

You're on a, there is a different level. I mean, they've seen your hour. You sold the fuck out. It's 25,000 theaters, 25,000. So they've seen it. So now they're giving you credit on new jokes. Do some new stuff. Right.

Do some of the old books. Oh, that's awesome yeah And then you you know, I mean these guys some of these guys are doing a new hour every year. Yeah like Louis Louis Amy did an hour bird did an hour He he does quick hours, too right right yeah But I mean yeah, I mean it, it's a fine line between doing a new hour because you know, I mean, I'm going to say the pressure is to do a new hour, but it's tough to film them all the time because you don't necessarily have to film like with

comedy, sometimes you watch a great hour in the club, you don't need to film it. That's that can happen too. You know what I'm saying? It doesn't need to be, you know, I don't know. We've all gone special crazy now. And it's like, yeah, it's like it's, exactly, it's a good word. There's so many. It's like, what, it's like, they see so much fucking stand up now.

I know, which is great, but at the same time, it's like, people don't remember it's all gone in a minute like you said people like I don't know what I'm supposed to do now so watch two specials in a row by ship hell or I'm supposed to watch the five it's like all these specials of all these great comics which is great but then this guys that just don't do specials and do the same hour and the same shit every year and go back to the same clubs and fucking kill. Yeah, and don't even give a fuck. That's right.

And it's like, I wonder what these fans, I always wonder what these fans, like what is that thing, you know? Like why are we not, why are you and me not selling? We've been in the business a long time? I feel like we're both hilarious Why are we not selling out thousands eat theaters or 15 or two theaters every time we play you know why To put it mildly well, well

It's look man. I know. I don't I don't understand what that thing is that sticky thing that happens with these fans I don't understand what that thing is, that sticky thing that happens with these fans. Right, that sticky, something about it. And it happened, it's not just being in the business 20 years or being the new person in the business because I seen it happen to people in the business sure, out of the blue, she's like all of a sudden you're from famous.

Yeah, it's like a wildfire. It's something. Yeah. And I don't know what it is. Yeah, I don't either. You know what I mean? And you don't know if I had a guy say to me, why aren't you more successful?

Right. And it's like, well, I'm pretty successful. I'm very happy. But I understand what he was saying, I don't think he was being mean. I think he was saying, why aren't you like these other people that I don't like as much?

Right. I like you a lot. Yeah. Why aren't you selling out other people that I don't like as much? Right. I like you a lot. Yeah. Why aren't you selling out this theater in my house? Why are you playing the local club when you should just come in once? Yeah. Or you might have been being a dick.

You might have been being a dick, but either way it's a good question. Because you write a lot of people like, oh my god, you're a joe, you know, they say the same thing to me. But I go, oh my god, you should be this or whatever and I don't I mean you've done both I don't know you've done you've sold out theaters and you've done but I haven't really sold out big theaters I've never was a big I never went over 600 seats really that way Oh, yeah, so I mean I which is great for me But I've never been like but 600 ever you know and so it's kind of a yeah I mean I don't know what that thing is you know, I mean I've what do you do 600, you know. And so it's kind of, yeah, I mean,

I don't know what that thing is, you know, I mean, I've, what do you do? I could, I was thinking of starting wearing a Matador's jacket, you know. I think that'll be a nice touch. But let me add, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm supposed to.

If you did, if you did, I almost want to try this experiment because we talked about that on OPM. Still my Matador's jacket. I would never do that. But you can join my thing that I'll do what is why I was talking about on the opian Anthony show God rested Saul How that question on the road What it's yeah, oh who on the it's like you want to shut up. I'm with them all who cares. Hey, why do I?

What are we first of all, why would I reveal any inside information I have to you who's gonna go online and fucking say, hey, you know what I just heard? Keep a secret. I'd if I tell you this, you can't tell anybody. The minute glue's read it. I'm proud to see I've never been on it. I've been on it one time. I'm proud to say I've never been on it. I've been on reddit one time. I'm proud to say I've never been on it. But I remember going on there, and I remember I came home with it,

and I was like, all I need is a catch phrase and a people. I remember that. Yeah, of course, S&L a week later had a skit on it. I swear to God, they listened to the fucking show But it's a yeah, it's a catchphrase and a people and maybe catchphrase where we going where we going right if you I would love to do an Experiment I become Billy the bass man and you get the Matador with the best and then we get chip chiperson What's that yeah, we get chip and we go down south because we have to start somewhere there Right where they really don't like in the middle and we start the show

right Where you're a bullfighter cowboy Where we going madador? What would you name me madador? What oh? I don't know madador and reekay maybe I know I know, we're gonna be in the middle of the country. You gotta fucking unspice that. Matador and Mike. Miguel, Matador and Miguel.

Oh yeah. There you go. I swear to God, we would make a million dollars. There would be a slight possibility that it might work. Well, maybe back in the 80s or whatever. I mean, now it's a different thing. In the middle of the country, it's the same as everywhere else. The East Coast and West Coast. They're the same.

It's freaking out there. But it's not what these people cling onto. I don't understand it. It's unattainable. No, no. And managers and agents and everybody, everybody, when they see it, it's almost like the gold rush. When they see something that the public is latching on to

They immediately just start fucking throwing things on it to see if that will if they can get one too Right do this do more this do that right right. We got to start this. You got to do Facebook You got to do podcasting right right you got to have a live Facebook feed you got to have a do tweet You got to tweet you got to be a right. You got to have a live Facebook feed. You got to have a tweet. You got to tweet. You got to be a good Twitter. And it's not, not of it fucking matters. No, it's just one of those things where it just either happens or not. There's really no, there's no logic to it.

It's very, you know, it's just a, who knows what it is. I don't know what it is. It's a weird thing. If anybody can figure out what it is, of course, they'd be charged of show business because what if it was as simple as putting a vest on and growing some sideburns, Matador. Matador, Mike, yeah. No, I think a Matador thing would be good,

but the thing is you'd sell it to all Mexicans. Yeah, and Cowboys. They like a Matador. Yeah, Mexican, and you'd have a lot of people not like you for killing bulls. Oh yeah, that's right. A lot of the industry would be against you. It would be like, you know, the Katy Perry would not like you.

Do you know what Matadors do? And I'd be like, would be like, you know, the Katy Perry would not like you. You know what Matadors do? And I'd be like, oh, well, you know, this guy's a nice Matador. He's just plastic. He doesn't really use wheels. And they're like, you teach bullfighting. Yeah. Matador, I'm like, but, uh, yeah, but I mean, you know,

you just got to, you know how the beauty of comedy is. Yeah. You're gonna be, you're gonna do your thing. Yeah. I'm gonna do your thing. I'm gonna do my thing. It's like, of course, it's never, nobody's ever satisfied, you know? But it's still, at least nobody can really steal

who you are. And what you've lived, so it's almost like, you know what I mean? There's something about it that still makes sense to me. In the sense that like, when you're getting laughs, like you said, when you're up there getting laughs for an hour. Yeah. Like, that's a real thing.

Like, that's an actual real thing. It's a real thing, right? Yeah. And I've done it many a nights. Yeah. But what is it to make these people stick? What is it to make these people stick? What is it to make them? That's a weird...

Like I said, nobody can ever answer that, you know what I mean? Because it's nothing that's tangible. It's just kind of... It was not weight, it's not looks. No, it's not... It's not because it's fat people that have made it. I mean, John Colton, that was huge. There's people who are bald, you know,

I mean, there's nothing to do with it. It's just one of those things. It's something, it's a weird, yeah. It's like, look, I mean, I'm, you know, ecstatic right now of, you know, where comedy is taking me. Yeah. But, you know, like, you know,

and it's weird too because, like I watch you, you know, come up with these hours. It's funny because I'll call you and I know you, I'm writing, I'm writing. And we talk a lot on the phone, but every day you're sitting, I kind of want to get into this too. You're writing process. I know it's writing is different for everybody. Right.

And you know, you have to find your thing to write, whether it be a certain computer, a certain chair, a desk, a certain window, a place to write. It's, it's your thing. You have to find your thing. Well, it's funny you're saying that because when I say my thing, you're probably going to laugh. Why? Because my thing is I have to, you ever heard of the old carrot and the stick? Yeah, except it's carrot cake. Exactly. Unlike unaportated, it's not carrots.

I have to go out to a diner and I have to give myself a treat. Why? Because the fucking nine? That's how I am. If I sit in my house, I can't ride, I can barely do. Once in a while, I can really zone in and do like, I'm just going to ride and sit there with a glass of water.

But guess what? Most of the time, I got it. Why are you going to go to the extremes? You see the carrot cake and tea? A water. Yes. What the fuck? So I got gotta go out.

Because my house, there's a million things to do in your house. You could fall asleep. You could put it on the TV. You could whack off. There's a million options that are better than writing. Yeah. You go out to a diner. You know what I mean?

And you just stuck there, and you just shut your phone. I put my phone on an apple, and I just say, I'm gonna write. I'm gonna eat my little treats. They're gonna bring me over stuff. I'll have a couple of little banter as you've heard many times at the way. You wanna be the mayor of every town.

Any town you're in, you're the mayor within five minutes. I force myself to write. Now, with headphones or what? What? You have headphones on? Listen to it, yeah. What are you listen to? My tape.

So you have your headphones on. So I'm not gonna listen to the tape, so I'm gonna kind of headphones. Just, I don't know, bows, I mean, just, you know. Yeah, well, just have your headphones on. Some of them are listed the tape. Some kind of headphones. Just, I don't know, bows, I mean, just, you know, just the best headphones ever, you mean, bows. Yeah, because I don't want, you know, I bows have two kinds, you know, I have those,

and I have big ones. I think it's like, for me, it's like, when I'm gonna start the gym again, I gotta get new shorts, a nice sneaker, a nice water ball. I gotta get all new gear to get me into it. And then if you could do it for a month or two, you're doing great.

So now you go to the diner, you get your treat. Get my treat. You get your treat. Now what do you do then? Don't you hear what the treats are? Usually a blueberry muffin. Of course I do sometimes Sometimes I'll ask I'll go what came in at one hour today

I don't want to hear any nonsense out of these people. What do you mean? No? I mean what came in at six if it's 10 o'clock. I don't want what came in at six I want what came in at 8.30 so they scratch ticket you on a new deal And then the guys tell me because they know you know, I'm such a good tip of their voice. I go, Colin, you got to try the, this pastry came in today. I'm like, oh, I love it. It's a good tip.

But, you know, the consistent buyer, I think is more. And then so that's usually what I get, you know, so you come in, you get, you get a nice pastry. Yeah. And then you got this other pastry I like too. What is this called? Apple pie Danish. Apple pie Danish. And you get the name alone tells you how great it must be.

I've never had one. But just imagine. I thought you were going to bring one thing. It's got Danish. I wouldn't bring you one because they made them into the early in the morning. By now it's not here. It's good.

Right. All right. So you get your apple pie Danish or you blueberry muffin. Yeah. Probably both. Maybe sometimes. Sometimes. But these are the rewards. So I'm like, I'll leave it there

and I'll take one bite with the tea. And I'm like, you know what, you can drink a tea, but until you listen and write for the next 15, 20 minutes, you don't get another bite. So you have 15, 20 minutes, that's it. No, no, 15, 20, two of bite, then 15, 20, then 15, 20.

If I could do, if you could do an hour a day, you were ahead of the game, you know what I mean? So, I mean, and that20. If I could do, if you could do an hour a day, you were ahead of the game. You know what I mean? So, I mean, and that's as simple as it is, an hour a day of writing, and you're ahead of everything. You're ahead of everything. But it's hard, but guess what? No, you're not ahead of everything,

because here's what I realized this year. I'm glad we're talking about this. I realized writing, everybody writes it all the time. Everybody's always trying to write jokes, right? Well, everybody's always trying to write jokes. Guess what the hard part is? Memorizing is horrible. Yeah. That's almost as hard as writing. Right. Memorizing. So you might say, I have great job and I've seen this experiment. Maybe it's the way my mind works, but I feel like it must be a lot

of people. Right. Well, I'm literally like, I write this thing. I go, that's great. That's great. I gotta remember that part tonight. I gotta remember the part tonight, and I forget it. But you don't write it down. I write it down. But you don't go up on stage with that. You don't have that. Sometimes I do, but sometimes I don't. If I'm doing a gig, I can't go up.

It's funny, I have cue cards, and I'll write down just a header of that little thing. Like, but where would you put it? At a gig, I'll put it mature massage. Where would you put it though? I'll put it in my hand right before I'm going on. And I'll look at it, look at it. And what I do too that help me out,

and this helped me out with acting to remembering lines, if you can't remember a chunk of dialogue, write it out, just write the whole thing out. And a couple of times, and then read it. And by writing it, you're memorizing it So when I write down the phrase or the sentence, you know like young people Love large groups, right the young you are the big your group is the older you are the small you grew fun

Then I know it that's funny, but huh? That's funny by the way. Yeah It's funny and said Funny, but that's funny by the way. Yeah, it's funny and said that way. That's why it's funny I think it's kind of said I think it's brilliant that you get to just not hang out with those scumbags I know but it's still funny and said there's still something about the excitement of like yeah It's going don't care that we just you don't care that the dyna hate you for putting eight tables together You know even thinking about that stuff the other people sitting at eating a meal, say, I like these people, yeah. But I'm right, so you write it all down.

See, right, yeah, so now you sit there and you're right for an hour. When are you done? When do you get, when are you free of your prison? After the last bite of the delicious treat is eaten and about three cups of two. So your timer is a treat. Yeah. Yeah. I literally have to do that or else I won't do it. That's fucking. And as you know, when I have

some loaned dunes, it'll usually be a mini sleeve of loaned dunes. That's about, I think it's four in the mini sleeves. It's not the whole box. So you'll go 15 15 15 15 20 15 20 Yeah, and then you'll go and get another little dude or a treat or a bite of something. Yeah with your tea Yeah, and then yeah, and then Now what if you catch fire on something? You just let it go. Yeah, I love to I love to keep going of course if you catch fire It's great like time flies because writing takes so long. That time flies when you're writing like,

oh my God, when you get something going, then it really does fly. You're like, that was a AF hour. And I'm so proud of myself. I'm gonna take a break and go watch TV or some shit, but the worst is you have to show your phone off. You can't go online, you know, like, that's the, that's the toughest thing.

Like if you have other stimuli, That's why go to the diner Well, that's right to fight. So you know people talk about the great writers of the world I was like yeah, it was probably easy to write Shakespeare. That was TV That was fucking awesome. Yeah, all of a sudden this just fantasy. He got to you know live in this He was in another place another with other people got to pee. I mean dude if Shakespeare lived today He'd be fucking you know, live in this, he was in another place, another, with other people got to pee. I mean, dude, if Shakespeare lived today, he'd be fucking, you know, he literally would be fucking Stavros Hellchius, just a smart little fat Greek kid.

I mean, it's a lot, there's a lot going against us. I know, I know. There's a lot going against us. I know. Especially as comics, because we're I was such Pieces of shit to begin with right we we kind of did this So we wouldn't have to work. Yes. I thought I used to watch like David Brennan. He go on the tonight show This guy looked like he was having a blast. I was like look at this guy's got the shag here

Carp the open shirt. He's having a blast up there You know, he probably is right. And I didn't realize like to do five minutes, I was like five minutes, I could make my friends laugh. I was always funny. Yeah. So I have my friends and be like, you're hilarious. And I'm like, yeah, but you're talking about stuff that they know. Yeah. So it's like, I know a lot of funny people that would have been stand-ups. But like you said, the worst part, the biggest joke on us as stand-ups is we tried to get out of work Bumping convenience and it's so much work. It's so much work

But it's you know, you don't realize it until all of a sudden a lot of people who worked hard are flying by you Yeah, and you're like oh my god. They have actually jobs. Yeah, and you're like shit. Yeah, wow. No, it's it's it's no It's it's serious stuff to if you want to move ahead and stand up And like you said some people, you know, they sort of playing around but for anybody else everybody's busting their ass You know, there's people that inspire me. You're one of them You know, this guy's like who are you know like you Jim CERPACO like you, Jim Cervico, you guys, like people, you big fans of, you know, who inspires you, what people, you know, Richard Pry or blah blah, it's like people like you and Cervico, guys who are like me, but somehow learned how to do this work.

This sitting down in a computer and going at it and coming out on the other side, not knowing if it was good or not or not, knowing and then learning the process of it. Okay, I thought that was, let me try it again. Keep going and keep going and keep going and keep going and keep going and there's so much rejection in it. And then all of a sudden to come out with something that's great, you know, where, you know,

I wrote that script with Serp. It was like, oh shit, it's not just writing this, this so much work. And you like, I'd give it to him or a celebrity. And it would come back and I was like, wow, What the fuck is that? Where did, what happened? Right. And you're like, oh, because no, look dude, what you had was good. That was great.

But it needed this or that. And it's like, oh, there's so many levels in good writing. There's so much work involved. And you have to doing it. It's always easy to do it when there's a deadline or there's some type of fuck you this gotta be done That's right, but to do it when you don't really have to do it the worst That's you're right because it's like it's also

Even though the deadline seems like the fear makes guys like us do it Yeah, but it's also there's almost more fear when there's no deadline So you're like what am I doing this for? What's the point? And that's a different kind of fear. But I tell you, the worst, the worst best quote I've ever heard about writing is somebody said, writing is rewriting. I hate that, but it's the truth.

Yeah, it's the total truth. Because how many times, this is a good thing about being a stand-up, by the way, is how many times I've gone, you know what? I just wrote a great joke. And I go on stage that night and I do it and the crowd's like, that was a good setup. Where's the joke?

And I'm like, oh my God, I just wrote a funny observation without a punchline. That's not going to get a lift. And even though they might be like, we've reached the setup, but, you know, like they know. And so, stand up, the audience, even audience even though you know you want to kill them sometimes They're such a part of our process that no other no other art has them as your co-writer almost not your co-writer But whenever they are they're a bigger part of us than any other business

I I love this way. I love the seller. I'll do a joke here at the seller and then go to the village underground and it doesn't work Wow because it's a different crowd. Yes, and I got to figure out how to make it work there after Lynn Coplitz, you know, anything who just annihilates right or a Judah who just has a different temple to me. Yes, and I get a oh shit And then I go up to the pussycat and I it doesn't work up there right, you know, so I got to get it Go I got to get that joke to work to the seller at the most amazing club in the world Right to work over at the village underground after somebody who just annihil and then go up to a small venue Yes, and find the subtleties. Yeah of this. Yes

Like where is because I can't, it's not 200 people. That's right. They're lounging the pussycat. So how can I, how is that, and then all of a sudden, you have a joke, I can do it any room after anybody. That's right. And it works. You're right.

That's, so the audience, each audience is fucking really a big part of it. Yeah, but that's what's so fascinating, exactly. People are like, oh, that joke worked, and then, you know, anybody that comes to see you, like, when you're first dating a girl and they come to your comedy shows, and you see them be like, what happened? That joke killed. Yeah.

Two minutes. A half hour ago, you're right, like you said, you're right around the corner, and now you're right downstairs, it's three different reactions, and that teaches you stuff that nobody, you can only learn by being on stage and getting that, and remember your first couple of years, you walk away from the first set, cocky, and then you walk in to the other place and you're like cocky, and then suddenly, suddenly, you, who was the king of the other club, everybody in that club thinks you were the king. Everyone everyone is remember goes you're the best and then suddenly these people like who's this loser? The king was just on this idiot with a

sweat coming out of their nostril You know what I mean? And it's like you learned something that that nobody nobody should have to learn But you learned something that really teaches you it makes you something. I remember one time I was I was going to do with some Non-commitic non-traditional comedian type thing and I talked to you and I go how is it and you go? It's great. You said because as a real comedian you'll go up there and there's so not used to that that you just kill and that's exactly What happened? I went up to this weird thing and they were like, oh, this guy's like see you. There's some season that just happens from all that rejection, all that adulation followed by you, brutal rejection that makes you into something that's a comedian. Yeah, indestructible. Yes. Yeah. You're almost, yeah, you're, you don't care.

Well, you see these Navy seals doing this shit and you're like, that's impossible. Yeah, yeah, it's impossible to do that, that training to me is just why, and you see guys quitting, comedy is the same way. It's like we get to the point where we can go into any country, anywhere, and fucking just, the fourth day of when they're not sleeping,

when they're not sleeping two hours. Yeah, yeah. That's like the six time, the whole audience is booing you and going, you suck. That's what they're losing. You have to walk past them to walk out. That's where you had a college in front of a thousand people and the lady takes the mic out of your hand.

And it goes, thank you, Robert. Yes! That's like day four of how week. Yeah, yeah, that's what people create. You four about week. Yeah, yeah, people quit Well, you've you're in the bell, but you're gonna be a comedian. Yeah, you want to ring the bell and call your manager and say I'm never coming back here again. I did it. Oh good in the next year. He goes okay. You're back at SUNY fucking You go back up again

This time you annihilate yeah, take them out. Yeah, I've done it. I know, I know. It's uh, you know, well, listen, you got this, uh, you, you, are you still doing the hour over at the pussycat? Yes. What nice do you do it? Tuesday Wednesday, Tuesday Wednesday at what time? Seven. Seven o'clock. If you want to go see Colin, run his hour, um, run the new hour over at the, run the new hour over at the fat black pussy cat on Monday. Two is a Tuesday Wednesday. Tuesday Wednesday. Tuesday Wednesday. Call Tim Gage.

No, call. Go to the comedy seller. Don't go to my good Tim Gage. Go to the comedy seller. This Tim opened for you all the time. Most of the time. Tim is your cousin. All right, I love Tim.

He's a funny guy. He's a real funny guy, because I was fucking mine. Go to the commice.com for tickets. You can buy him right up there. It's almost a master class in what comics, what we do, and what we should do. And what I don't do a lot, I really don't. I'm starting to now, but for a long time,

I really just relied on my funny. And now, being at where I'm at in the stage of the game, it's funny that you get more juice out of Being afraid and accomplishing something that you don't think could ever come to fruition as it be a story for a TV show or a new joke or You know trying something new and coming up with that new hour and then all of a sudden going oh my god I got it and I did it and it's awesome You know what I mean? Yes, and then you as comics we're right back to now what that's right

Which is which is another suck part right because as soon as you achieve that amazing goal of another hour Yes, you're right back to where you were. Yeah that empty feeling emptiness, and it's just like oh You know, yeah, nobody ever gets us No, no TV show no movie. I mean is there one? That gets it. No I don't get bad yet. Yeah, maybe you'll write it Yeah, can I start on it? I love it with you I'm not gonna be in it. I'm too old you could be in it. What do you mean you need to you could be the club owner?

Collins jokers I'm not gonna be in it. I'm too old to be in it. What do you mean you need to be the club owner? Collins, Joe coach And fucking listen guys, I'd love to play club owner. It's a good. That's the best part. Oh, you'd be the best club You know me? Oh, you just had a bar with a two pay. Yeah, just sit there and he's always get the he's always get the care And he's like, okay, here's you and he's just hoping you're like not gonna go over the figures get the care and he's like okay here's your and he's just hoping you're like not gonna go over the figures is again 200 now there were 40 people every time they have these story that's 40 people did not you know these people came on this you know the money it's tough it's tough hey is that you knew Mercedes yeah it's the new one want to take a look at it all right good bye if I could club

those all right listen man um will you come back on again and do this in uh sure I'd like to talk uh when you're done with yours. Yeah, that'd be great. And I'll talk about, I want to talk about right when you come up with the next thing. When I come up with this hour, when it's done, I would like to talk about that because it's been an interesting process, you know. I would like to talk. When this hour is done, I'd like to talk about it.

I would love to. Yeah, because it's so confusing this one. It's most incused, you know, one. That's crazy. All right, well, this has been another episode of One on One with the great Colin Quinn. This is going to my premium members only. So stop fucking, I got these, you know,

we got the premium thing on the channel. Yeah. Well, you know, you know, I've been doing a podcast for four years for for nothing. Spent millions of dollars. And people are belly aching because they're just a just two. Two coffee up. Dude, you say, I tried, I got the thing and I pay the one ninety nine third. And you know, there's no premium content.

I mean, what's premium? Well, here you go. The great fucking Colin Quinn is we just sat down and had a broken down. We broke it down And we're gonna get back together and break it down again Yes, and that's it and Colin Quinn. What's your what's your home telephone number? 917 You've been listening to the YKWD podcast Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs.

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