Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Open Mic-ers

Episode Date: May 13, 2013

Robert is joined by Monroe Martin, Louis Katz, Kelly Fastuca, Luis J Gomez and Noam Dworman.  RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Mao, a Madrid.

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It's good for you, it's good for him, it's good for the world. Unconstitutional at smarttix.com, sure you go right now get your tickets coming in New York. It's at the Barrow's theater right near the comedy seller gay tickets now Okay, check it out this week's podcast It is called open micers Monroe Fine young man young comic from New York, around 65, black dude, with glasses, looks like a nerd that will beat the shit out of you. Louis Katz, which is, he's fuck, I love him, he's just funny, intelligent, really good guy.

Kelly Fistuka, Louis J. Gomez and his baby came in with his baby's momma. This is a lot of fun, very funny, very interesting. No, I'm stopped in at the end. A little over two hours. No beeping, I just want to let you know, I left the beeping in. We could have put the battery in the fire alarm whatever the fuck it is. But I left it in just to see if it would fuck with some of you

and it did and it made me happy. So there you go. You know, thank you for all the emails this week about the show. Oh look, I get it. Whatever. You know, look sometimes you're moody. Sometimes you're, you know, who gives a fuck? Just listen to the show. This one's a good one. I had a lot of fun. And next week is going to be awesome too. So there you go. You know what, dude? You know what, dude loan podcast and nice did I like him

Like a lot of people dude. I don't give the shit So there you go enjoy make sure you support us go to all our shows live Donate if you can if not just buy some shit off Tweak.io.com support our sponsors. All that stuff helps. Most of all spread the word tell your friends. Subscribe review. Let everybody know about the YKWD podcast and all the comics I have on here. All right and I don't know listen to some other podcasts. Right cast. Right cast.

Network app is coming out. We got some new shows coming out this year. We're expanding. We're getting bigger, better. We're taking over the fucking world. Well, at least New Jersey in New York. Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton.

This is Dennis Leary. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Chrysler. Staying cooking, you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? You know what, dude? I know what, dude! If you bippy by, if you bippy boo,

dippy dippy dhyah, yabba dhyah, but dhyah, but do. Dude! This is Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? I

Mean the gods I hang out with that at least scare his black dude's ever Lee scary as black does I hang out with guy with curly hair and bee boxes. How can you be scared? Listen first of all Everybody yeah, I'm scared of his eggs. I'm scared of all I'm scared. Oh you guys fucking all seven feet. You were wearing glasses, like you had some type of college education, just to fuck with my brain, to fuck with the psyche. Like maybe you won't mug me, but you gonna fuck off, dude.

That's the only reason why you're here is because you're big. Okay. You scared me. But he's like under the radar big. He comes off as kind of like a goofy kid But then you realize a big thick black guy Go real thick. Yeah, what do you talk about? It's born the porn you like

That's what you type into Google big thick blacks Nice nice Kelly, do you got the internet's waiting? All right, so check it out here. We are we are recording you know what, dude? Episode. And we fixed the fuck was that? We fixed the last week the fire alarm. What does it call fire? Smoke detector? Smoke detector had a beep because the batteries, I told Kelly to leave it because I wanted to annoy the listeners. I can't tell you how happy it made me that. These people, one dude was like, dude, I kept checking mine.

Like, I thought this is. We fixed it, we just fixed it, right? Seconds ago, we had one come up. Is it one, right? One. One, was it French? One, I said one, just say yeah, let's see. Yeah, see.

Um, came up and fixed it. So the fire extinguisher, what about it? Is it gonna fire along? Was it smoke alarm? Yeah, smoke detector. There you go. I don't think there's anything more annoying than smoke detectors. I have one in my place.

Every time my wife cooks something, it will go off. Just beep, beep, and I gotta, I gotta jump on a chair with a pillow. Sounds like it's 19 fucking 42. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. That'd be a great I take that. I should I should actually put that on the merch page. Do you know what dude? Fire alarm. Dude. Dude. Get out of the house. Dude. If you could fucking record your own thing for a fire alarm, how funny would that be? You know what's funny is seeing you could fucking record your own thing for a fire alarm. How funny with that big how you know It's funny is seeing you like fucking King Kong with your little baby on your lap. That's what's funny Yeah, James is here James is making you know what that debut little we got Lewis's little kid here

Oh, he's a I really bugs the shit out of me He's an adorable little big-eyed Puerto Rican I mean he's got some big eyes. Dude, that's how he's gonna get your wallet. He's got extra... Oh, Jesus. We stop trying to swing right out of the gate. Just relax and let it...

Look, look at Louis, professional. He just comes in and he waits his turn. He gets his groove going. No one knows this is... You have a badding practice. Slow down. You're Puerto Rican. Stop teaching your son goofy shit to do.

He's adorable, and it makes me physically ill. I was hoping you would have a little, he'd come out with a tear drop tattoo, already installed and like a neck dragon. By the way, James laughs at everything except for that joke. We have Munro who is on the show because he's big and black. I'm not that big. How tall are you?

Six five. Nice talking to you. Yeah, he put his mid size for black. Yeah, but for a white guy, he's big. Six five. He's big. I was six five not big and what world is that? Yeah.

Like, this is the average size for like kids I work with like Where do you work? What do you do? Working schools. I used to be a teacher in the sentence the average kid was like six to talking on the mic You're fuck you ever done the radio show fucking turn me up. I'm sorry I know you're gonna after you dunk man down after you're gonna done talking you're gonna drop it on the floor because I know you're gonna have to do it. After you're done talking, you're gonna drop it on the floor. I don't want to hurt fucking my nice blue microphones

that they donated. James, I like that one. I was really hurtful that the place you work with all these giants is a high school. So it's people younger than me that are way more giant than I ever will be. We got Louis Katz on. I'm a big fan of.

Thank you. And here's a, I'm glad you're on. I'm glad Louis on, I'm glad B's here. And here's a, I'm glad you're on, I'm glad Lewis on, I'm glad B's here. Lewis is a lady friend. I'm glad you're here too. Of course I am, I love new guys on the show. So last time you were on, Lou,

we talked about breast milk and how much you liked it. And I was, I gotta be honest, I was a little freaked out because you know, number one, you don't look like the guy who would like breast milk. You look like... What does that guy look like? You look like a straight lace guy, yeah. Yeah, that's like a black thing.

Yo, give me some of that milk. Let me give some of that to you, milk, son. You look like a straight lace dude that would just be like, oh, you know, that's for a child. You know, I don't know. Anyways, got it got me into it which made me one like you even more to Louis Louis's Woman friend, why can't I call my woman friend? Um, baby mama the baby mama. My baby mama. I'm gonna say this. I'm gonna say wife

Whoa I'll pick on that one. I'm gonna say this. I'm gonna say wife. Whoa Little bit here. I'm saying that for you. You if you let her go and and Lee and believe me she'll fucking fly away She's starting to fly away three times today We shit together We she let us have some baby's milk and we all tried it. It's pretty good, right? It was, it was, you know what it was? Serial milk. Like after the cereal's been in it, like all sweet, like, yeah. It was unfa- I couldn't believe how good it was. I mean, there was some sand in it.

From, from, no, I don't get it. It was not. Wasn't the initial taste is pretty good. It's like, it's like sweet milk, but then the aftertaste is like dead human body. The aftertaste, it tasted like, Lewis's armpit for some reason. No.

We all know what that tastes like. I do. It was actually really good. And now I'm having my child in around three weeks. Does that mean the milk's already coming? Or what is that? Well, she has to go home today and play with her nips and clustered. Look, you know what bugs me about it. It's actually made him a smarter human being like the fact

Did you see how fast he jumped on colostrum? He was like you're gonna get some call us shut up. You know five things more than you did before you had a baby Dude I know look I happen to be a magnet when it comes to things that I care about. James, what do you want to say? Nice talking to you. Oh, only you could. That sounds like your audience. What is audience?

What is colostrum? What is it? Colostrum is what comes out. I'm sorry, Lou, go ahead. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, can you continue? Dr. Gomez please. Colossum is the liquid that comes out before the milk actually comes in but the baby's eat it for the first few weeks of their life that's what that's what that's what you're talking about. It's the first four days. It's four days you fucking bitch has had a lot of colossum it was uncomfortable. But you make it come out you got to play with your nipples to make it start coming out. Not me but my wife. Which has, my wife had breast implants, which usually do not affect. Oh, you usually do not affect the milk, but it could, it depends on what they did to the nipple.

Sometimes, like a breast reduction, most women, not most, but some women won't be able to breastfeed because they cut the nipple off to do that. There's so many things wrong with the best breast reduction now that's, like, titties are smaller and there's no milk. Let me tell you some of the breast reduction, stupidest thing ever. I remember this girl, this blonde girl, she was, she was just a chunky, but proportionately chunky girl with

fucking jai gormus knockers and she had a breast reduction and it looked like fucking Dr. Frankenstein got her a kiss. I was like you had the best tits I least love fucking fucking your tits and now I she showed me her tits and I gagged I was like i what was wrong with them like for the mission they said they slice they do a t so it's like they slice underneath and then up them right yeah and before i do this any women in here have a breast reduction all okay good

disgusted rose i would get a little bit of the city i don't know they do it i don't know how they do it now i'm sorry that. They use to slice underneath and then up the titty to the nipple. And they take the nipples off and then put them back on. You really wouldn't know the nipple part because that's not a perfect line. Take the whole nipple off. Yeah, my friend got it done and they cut the whole nipple and then they pull the skin off. And then tie the skin back to the nipple.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think in the surgery room they like fuck around with the nipples? Like look, I got it done and they cut the whole nipple and then they pull the skin and they cut the skin off and then tie the skin back to the nipple. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think in the surgery room they like fuck around with the nipples? Like look, I got a 10 out of 10. It was crazy. There we go, four nipples. They fling them up against the wall like pepperonis.

How would you do a pepperonis? If you were in jail and had to eat that pizza. Yeah, it's uh So she we're hoping that she has to go we set we saw the doctor today And we went through the final phase of my questions and blah blah blah the shit we have to do and I had she has to come today and squeeze her titties and see well I don't know if it's awesome. I'm not into show me how she does it one more time On a full thick breast.

Relax. Relax because it's not fair that you do that because your girl's right here. And I can't talk about her, but no, I'm joking. I'm kidding. But yeah, I don't know how, this is what we're, this is what we're to me out today. I don't, like my wife was in this room

and they had to do a survey. How, what is that? He likes to make the sound he He again He responds to your act I love making your girl laugh about your shitty act The act that's the act that she wish you could take back. You're so funny, what's your name?

Louis Gomez. Fuck me. Louis J. Gomez. Now, you were just Louis Gomez. Louis J. Gomez always. So, yeah, she has to squeeze him tonight to see if that stuff comes out. But today, we're in the doctor's office

and she had to get up on the thing and they checked the baby and make sure everything's all right with the ultrasound. what is it called? What is it? What is it? Is it what it's called? Yeah. Is that what it's called?

Is it ultrasound? No, it's not ultrasound. It's not fucking buried treasure. Is it? Okay, once. You're gonna just stop talking and not sound a dumb. You know you're in trouble when Lewis actually has a good point. So, but then she had to check her cervix. You know you're in trouble when Lewis actually has a good point

So but then she had a checker cervix, right? And so I was just weird to see my wife in stirrups and You know dude seriously Enough all right. Are you done cuz you stop? I'm gonna fucking throw something at your head Listen, I don't care. I'll fucking be exact. You look like you're a fucking... I will literally hit you with one of these guitars. I'll ask politely for your wife to grab the baby

and then smash you in the head. And I'll fight you too. And you got my back, right? You wanna be on the show again? I'm opening up for you. I'm gonna open up for you. I'm going to open up for you. Yeah, man. After you get 20 minutes.

All right, yeah. You can have the time first. You don't need 20 minutes. You can just talk. Do you think I'm sure you have great personality? You're a black identity. I dance around a lot. I'll take it into it.

Yeah, all you have to do is repeat the same joke over. So if you have a joke about babies, God damn babies, babies! God babies, a crib, babies, man! You say babies to every person in the audience really loud, like you're saying Jesus at a church. Jesus Christ! So she said it's him. She's in the stuporps. um she's just a and i see this just i mean this is my first experience of this whole thing that's gonna happen and i see this woman just

and and i'm just like i don't know should i be is this fucking what is this like this this it just wasn't sexy it was sexy now it wasn't sounding really sexy right now i'd say what was hot the dola when she came over and got my wife on all fours and she got behind her and started like opening up her butt and massage it what's it do you know it's uh... it's like uh... fucking lady and it's almost something like that kind of like a minute sets of woman who specializes in birthing list less less hippie-ish i guess but what's the

words from white what's a dola? I don't know I don't know but you know what you have you have something to Google later You know what what hang on one second get on it Yeah, no no not you not you You're not here to be funny I'm I can't stop looking at the baby. I'm like, I'm gonna try and just... No, Kelly, that's actually my dick.

I actually have a song for you, Kelly. It's called Something You'll Never Have. He comes and nobody comes in you. I am smart enough to trick a man into having a baby with me. I have all you clock suckers that send emails about Kelly. There you go. Psycho's waiting to get fucking knocked up. She wants a house and a husband.

Woohoo. What did I be thinking? Do you really find a baby that is that exciting? Yeah, I, yeah. It only happened like, or it can last two years, like when my, when my baby. How old are you? I'm 31.

Oh yeah, all right. Yeah. And I never had a before, I know my brother and his wife had a baby. And it was like, it just snapped in my brain where I was like, oh baby hang on can we stop for one second? We actually stop or do you want to stop No, we're recording get up on what from here. You can't hear me. I have to get you I told everybody. Yeah, I had to turn you down a little bit because whoa, what was that?

Well I had to turn you down a little bit because whoa what was that? Oh, I'm messing up. Um, so... Well, uh, that's funny. I, um, yeah, she's, um, I gotta make sure she has colostrum tonight. She's got a squeeze in, nipples, make sure some juice comes out. Yeah, it is weird. That stuff tastes weird? Have you had a bet? I've never touched it. Ooh, you were fucking freaking major, and it was drinking the colostrum.

I don't know what, I've never heard a colostrum, but it comes out of titties, and I will think about drinking it Why did you start drinking breast milk? What age did I start? I'm guessing zero. I'm guessing when I was I do it was once I had friends first of all Don't listen don't be loud just take the head the fact that Louis literally No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the high school When you were working at the high school or when When I went high school by the way Matter Way No way when she was pregnant That's all 10th grade no one to high school and to get old

That is You understand that do you understand that such a that like that doesn't happen at white schools Hey Gary come here ring the fellas you know white girls. I just suck everybody's dick Black girls like hey you want some you want some breast milk Even the way you said it, you want some sweet potatoes? You want some sweet potatoes? You had no fucking chance. I'm actually, you're I'm impressed that you are where you're at today.

No. Instead of doing the shit that you had to go through at high school. He got to suck on it. I got to do it. It's what it means. He got to suck at her tits. He got to suck at her tits. Yeah, I'm going to see you later.

She led for my friend from her tits. Yeah, you said it was a group. There's four of them. Four. It was four. Like a titty train. One second, one second. One second, you don't shut that kid. I'm going to hit it was a group of four four it was for a teddy train one One second you don't check that kid. I'm gonna hit it with a guitar Can I can't

Can I hold the baby? Yeah, Bob hold the baby. I know this is now this is gonna be fucked up from me because this is trying to suck on your titties Here we go, Robert Kelly holding a baby for time. You just football spikes him into the ground. This kid is fucking dynamic, man. I love it because he just put me in a trance. You should have done this three weeks before your ugly kid was going to be born. And they're going to be like, yeah, I don't want mine. It looks like a giant baby holding a tiny baby. Titanay or the podcast? I don't want mine. It looks like a giant baby holding a tiny baby. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We can have benefits and we can raise money for your college because you wouldn't go if it was for you.

Hopefully your mother goes back to work and she'll make all the money and then Luke can stay home because she's smarter than dad. Oh my god, I would love that. For the love of God, if he went back to work and I get to stay at home and be a stay-at-home dad. Okay, you know what, man? Let's not the show. It's over. I mean, I told GC, it's like, ah, you know what? I know you want to see me. You want to look at me again.

You want to turret your eyes. I love spaces. Let me tell you something. Right now, you're a good looking kid. All you have to do is stay clear of some cheesy tattoos, right? Stay in school, right, and get that thing circumcised. And don't get too buffed. White girls don't like it.

Be fucking, she was the biggest proponent of him staying on circumcised. Really, yeah, because she doesn't want him to fuck around. I want to get my- I don't want any girl fucking my son's cause. I'm gonna make it look like his father's, like a fucking melted straw. No, mine's circumcised. Yeah. Is circumcised? Oh, you are? I'm gonna make it look like his father's like a fucking melted straw

Mine's You are how you really yeah, I'm circumcised. Oh really what's it look like my dick? Yeah, I want to see it Yeah, let me see do I have it no, I don't want I'm kidding dude. I'm holding your son I mean is there a fucking anything in your head Hi, let me see Is that weird? No Bob Bob Oh, but do a bo do a bo anyways, so if I drop this kid what happens technically? Probably died. Do you remember hi? You know we brought him to hospital last week. Why? Cuz we're I'm doing about to do a podcast about to do hammer fisting

Stop breathing. Yes, he held his breath. He stopped Because we're about to do a podcast about to do hammer fisting Yes, he held his breath it he stopped Beat your sister's in the other room and she's like she's like oh my god, he's not breathing And then she fucking rushes them in and he's beat right in the face. He's got water in his eyes He's not breathing whoa, so I grabbed him and Victor called 911 immediately, which he has huge fingers. I'm surprised he actually got the key. Ridiculous. That's all he can dial.

He never has his message to his thumb into it. And just hopes it's the right number. So he fucking, and then I start patting on his back. So he starts breathing after maybe, might as say 20 seconds of him not breathing at all. It was fucking terrifying, dude. We went to the hospital and nothing. They just said like a 19 year old girl came in.

She was like, how are you all right? Goodbye. Right. What was he choking or what? He was just, we assume we went online afterwards. We assumed he was like choking up on like a, on spit up. Yeah, or he's just stupid like you and forgot to breathe. Oh, you call my kid stupid?

You call me not stupid. He's not stupid. Bro, you call my kid stupid? You're not stupid. You're not stupid. You're not gonna be as smart as my kid, but you're a smart My kids gonna be so much better than yours You're gonna fucking baby fights. Give me hilarious when they try to have them fight and they start kissing each other but no No, we can have a real. I wish you had a girl. That'd be great if my son could have fucked your daughter. Had like 10. It could still happen.

What is it, Monroe School? Oh, if my son's gay and wind up seducing your son in just a night of fucking craziness, then he hangs it over your kid's head for a while. Don't tell a dad. You're a big eyed little straight man, suck my son's cock. I don't wanna suck to you, I just wanna suck your dick. Listen, my dad said your dad.

Hi Baba, I know you don't even cry with me, huh? You want some titty? That's not a titty. No, no, no, no, it is a titty, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, had a dog, and everyone says, like, oh, I got a dog, you got to get it. Dude, you're living now, were you worried that your kid could die at any moment? Right, okay, let me ask you a question though. Is this what this kid does most of the time? Yeah, just this.

Yeah. So you're just holding this little son of a bitch. Yeah. And you're watching TV. It sounds easier than it is. Okay, but he's right now, he's just chilling. Right, hey, hey. Hey, you know what, I'm not gonna lie.

It's not that bad. Be's gonna give it a little bullshit, but for me, it's still out of bouncing. And hey, you're cute, buddy. Yeah. Well, that's it, 15 minutes to date. But that's all you, be, be jump on a mic. Wanna jump on a mic?

Get on a mic. Be making a podcast debut. Yeah, you can swing it. I don't let people go this way, but I'll let you go this way. Because you want to walk past her. She's great. She looks great. It'd be hot.. She's great. She looks great. It

beats hot. She had a baby. It's amazing. So I mean put the headphones on, B. Don't tell her what to do. She's not stupid. Now. Okay. Every time you yell at her I'm going to yell at this kid. Shut your face kid. Yeah. He just went like this. It's what he's used to. Oh, he's bored with you. He is. Now, is this, I mean, wow. Is this what he does? I mean, is this, is this what I'm going to be into it for?

No, I mean, he's much more chill when we're out and about, because he's not bored. At home, he gets a lot more fussy. It's, it's, it's a. It's a circle of like him eating, and then me trying to like sue them, and then trying to get him to sleep. He sounds like she's about to start crying. Like why?

Somebody take this kid away. He sounds exhausted. No, I'm tired all the time. But he's starting to sleep better at night, but he just doesn't nap. But he's not. Not during the day. There's no naps. I have to like rock him to nap but he just doesn't nap. He's not. Not during the day. There's no naps.

I have to like rock him to nap. He just doesn't want to nap. Can you, are you tired all the time? And he can't drink caffeine because you're breastfeeding? I drink minimal caffeine. So you're allowed to drink something. You can drink something. What about whiskey or heroin?

Do you get to fuck with any of that? I love rice and butter. I wish. That's what my mom did. What? What? What about kidding? My question is this though. Fuck what any other I wish That's what my mom did What What about kidding my question is this though. Do you get to all right the baby gets to nap you get now You there's an hour you get to sleep maybe an hour or two right?

I usually use it to get master rate like what fingers or so please stop You know what dude? Fucking get what exactly Lou, what? I'm trying, this is you know what, dude, is that the fucking, go ahead, what? Exactly, you know what? So no one else has you on because you're an asshole. I don't push the microwave, don't do it. Ah, I did it, yeah, you little kids will do it too. Put the microwave through this kid.

I swear, I know where a soft pot is. I'll stick one of these bottles right in it. Oh come on dude. You know what dude? Mike flag sticking out of your kids head. I'll take a photo, put it on Facebook. I'll be famous. Yo, you know what kid. Bubba, zubba, oh shit. I keep hitting his head. Headbiting my kid. I do. I keep forgetting. I know. Is your wife going gonna stay home with the baby? I'm actually gonna divorce her And I'm gonna sell this kid to a richer family in Dubai Yeah, there's 20 grand for a kid. Yeah, there's no I'm getting a hundred thousand. Oh, seriously

She's she's wife her uterus died in a Ha an explosion they tried to assassinate her husband, but it put in a big bomb in her vagina and exploded. But now she's going to have a nice little kid from a little Bostonian with the shitty accent. Dood, I'm a fucking Arab shake kid. My father's the fucking shiggy.

We have sunglasses. Fucking white all day because it's hot as fucking hell and Dubai. He hypnotized by you. I know. I'm fucking kids love me. I should have been a pediatrician. back in hell and Dubai. He hypnotized by you. I know, I'm fucking kids love me. I should have been a pediatrician. You're the child whisperer.

Yeah, I swear to God. Sounds really raping child molester. It does, because I go, hey, little boy. So you don't, and now here's the deal. My wife, I'm off for the month. We're gonna have this kid, maybe a little longer. We're gonna have this kid. I'm gonna be around for two weeks after

before I have to go back on the road. Cause I'm actually what they call a comic where you go, I don't know if you know this, but I go out on the road. I go on the road and I make, like I'll have to leave and fly somewhere. No, it's by Northeast Festival, June 12th or 16th. This guy.

Norby Northeast. Yeah, you make that up. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. They don't have a name for it. It's just the bar. Yeah, they actually have bar. Here's the coordinates of where it might be. It's all right. It's three shows that the grizzly pair. We're at we're we're 46 degrees long right, listen. So we're gonna give birth. I learned today about 311, 411, 511. We should go in,

which because she's having an epa, I'm gonna explain. That's how this podcast works. But I do need you to go what? So there's still that you're interested. Hold on, baby, do you know what? 311, 411, 511 is? Yeah, except they did, I think it was 410,

4, remember that it's the timing. Oh, we have a good time. It's the timing of, well, we're doing an epidural. So she's gonna go into 511, which is every five minutes, right, a one minute contraction, every five minutes for one hour. So it's five minutes, one contraction, one minute contraction, every for an hour straight. So once that happens, once minutes, one contraction, one minute contraction every for an hour straight.

So once that happens, once you have a contraction, get it for one minute, every five minutes for an hour, time to go. Why is there 11? It's actually 5-1-1, it's not 5-1-1. It's 5-1-1. That's what I didn't understand. Yeah, 5-1-1-1, sorry, 5-1-1-1.

I'm learning to, Luke. But so We got to go in at that and you're supposed to keep the they really want you to stay home as long as you can because you don't you don't want to be in there And once you once you get an epidural you're done you like can't feel anything so it's bad to give birth It's like right. I mean you It ends up prolong you because you're not pushing it It's like right, I mean you can put it ends up her long you're not pushing it Yeah, they don't want you to get it too early because it can delay the labor Yeah, but also because they want you to stay home as much as possible But then if you wait too long you can't too late and like my sister had nothing because when they she got there

Like yeah, you're way too gone now. You just have to do it naturally luckily she has a giant pussy Well, you know What are you going? Let's keep on wait. I wonder if big pussy girls Do you give? James Taylor did a cover of it 74 what I wonder if big pussy girls Actually give birth easier like I know the actual I learned all this stuff in the last three weeks about The vagina. I didn't know a lot of stuff about like it's in the uterus and the uterus open is closed tight And then it when when when she's gonna give birth that opens up that's That's sack opens up. What's that called though, the opening?

That's called the, the, the survey. Survey. Come on. It's a service. No, I know the service. A service, sometimes a service. And you're supposed to bang your wife

while she's in labor because the sperm will actually help loosen up the survey. It softens the service. Softened, yeah. So I'm gonna have to bang my wife's, I'm gonna punch her right in her face. I'll be, you motherfuck you till you ruin it. I used to fuck chicks and vestibules You have to fuck her when she goes to labor you don't have to

Is it before five eleven five five one one? Yeah, yeah,, yeah. 511, you need to go to the hospital. She doesn't want to fuck you at that point. 511, are you crazy, dude? Why doesn't labor, going to labor? She's in pain and you're like, well, I have to fuck you. And then that's, No, no, no, no, no. It starts out, it's before that.

It's before that. When she goes into labor, you have anywhere from six to 24 hours, if it's good. I mean, the fastest would be six. That's crazy. Not to put it with the fucker. But 18 you choose the 18 hours. We were 24 hours. It's usually 18 hours.

You have to fucking get the throw sperm. Yeah, I got it. I got a throw in her face and she catches it. Like a seal. I have I I come in a bucket and then I have her due tricks and I throw it in her face She catches sperm sperm tadpole fucking I know Shit he's drilling on you. Sorry. What the fuck whose phone is that that I don't know phone right there. It's your phone Bobby Are you fucking kidding me bro? Not on you know what did three one oh is that what did Get on on the line My you're on the you know what dude podcast with everybody Hey, who is it Jim Cerepico from Possil?

You might know him from all the shows he produces and the mark maran show which is the appa you know lul which shows the we cats is here mimo and we have uh... luis jay gomas is baby that just drooled on my fucking new shirt jim jim at the bottom yeah yeah what's up uh... i'm gonna treat this with a little

oh okay all right i'll call you later that I Okay All right, I'll call you later You never know I'm a great one of Jim right now just like listen FX likes you and they want to do a show around you How great with that page? Oh, that's fucking funny Jim Wait a wait a bring the show and myself a steam to a screeching halt. I'm having a baby CERPA co Bye buddy Yeah, the kid just drilled on me. I'm not this is only 13 bucks. So if you guys want to write me a check

or just go get a douche. For everything now, dude. Is that, all right. So, is that what, I mean, so now, anyways, back to that. She goes into the labor, you start counting the, how long the contractions are, and how long in between blah, blah, blah. And when she gets down to, basically where she doesn't want to fucking talk to you or eat anything,

or fuck nothing, like fuck you, it hurts too much, that's when you take them. When she can't even talk, am I right? When she's really, yeah. Right, and that's when you go to the hospital. So you're not there in the hospital for hours, but you still there for a long time. What happened with us was she was 11 days late.

You have put a wreaking insurance and they were like, wait a minute. Just, oh. I'm gonna deliver this in the parking lot of the shop right? That's okay. We actually deliver these, what we do is we get a piece of pork and we dangle it near River Jiner and the kid will run out and try to grab it. A stick holding up a box with a string tied to the stick.

They play Felice Navi Dot near River Jiner, real loud. I, the baby pops out with a sombrero. Fully snobby dot and just does that. He's face right now. He has no idea you're making fun of him. Look at that. Look at that. Put him. Listen me. I'm not making fun of you. I'm making funny your dad. Okay. It's not you. But I will make funny you someday because you're probably going to be just like him. So fuck you too. If you get a picture of him giving the fan my baby. Hey, hey, Jamesy. Hey, go fuck yourself.

And I'm kidding, Bob, you know I love my- I'll tell you right now, I'm very excited about it. I'm not scared about it. I've been looking forward to it every day. It gets closer. I'm getting very excited about it. I'm not I'm not scared about it. I've been looking forward to it every day. It gets closer I'm getting more excited about it because I what eating But you know what it work Lewis is working on his timing She was 11 days late so we had to actually have it we we had it planned, we went in and had it induced.

Oh really? Which is, that happens. All of it can happen, but my wife is starting to freak out because she knows something really big, she's gonna come out of a pussy. So she's starting to freak out about that. But I'm like, look, it's like surgery. You're gonna go into the hospital, it's gonna suck

while you're there. And then for a day after a week, it's gonna suck. And you're gonna be like, what the fuck did I do? And then you're gonna go into the hospital, it's gonna suck while you're there. And then for a day after a week, it's gonna suck, and you're gonna be like, what the fuck did I do? And then you're gonna be good, it's gonna slowly recover and you'll be fine. It's nothing like surgery. Well, I'm telling her that. I'm not gonna let you like surgery.

You see the video of her in the hospital, do you not type of pain? You gonna see the video? Yeah, because I'm not a savage. I'm not gonna look at your wife. I was like an artistic, Kelly pulled that up. It's like an artistic video. For artistic, it's an artistic video.

I can't see anything, it's not like... No, I mean that's, you, I'm not gonna watch it. I'm not gonna, I can't see what that looks like. Just once, ah, motherfucker! Kelly's womb is dead. Ah, man.

I remember the video, it's really sweet, but you just look really exilsin' sweaty the whole time. And I die. I, these women that try and say, oh, it's worth it and it's, it's, it's just go in popping and out, just pump it right out. It's the worst pain in the world. And you don't forget it.

But do you remember it? Did you get epidural? Did you get an epidural? I did after 16 hours, because I was just, I was trying not to, but I- You're trying to be a fucking hippie and He's probably robbing them spectrum Honestly got Kelly check My room into the bathroom your wife is smart that she's planning an epidural because if I ever have another kid

I will plan my what yeah my wife is on fucking point dude. She I mean she is Don't you don't you Point dude she I mean she is Doesn't split you open like it like I'm sorry what no the baby doesn't it like tears you up You're pretty it's It's kind of like a rubber band, but you can you can tear Yeah, try not to talk over your wife or she's discussing shit. We know that was so hilarious. It's very like fucking idiot. Well, I guess women don't really have as long

a vataint as a man, so it's not as much. No, it'll rip still. Well, that's what taint. You know what made me, you pretending you have a beard when you said that. I was feeling my face in the upper taint. The neck is the upper taint. Oh, my face taint.

I was feeling a thing in the upper tank. The neck is the upper tank. Oh, my face too. Where are you? I was feeling a thicken on my tank. So that is the same consistency, isn't it? Yes, it's just as your tank. It's just not the skin isn't as dark, because it hasn't seen the light and it's been itched your whole life. Which of wife's actual due date?

June 2nd. Oh, OK. So yeah, she's big and we're actually seeing the baby move now, which is incredible. But she's she's getting ready to like, you know, look, I, she's starting to feel the fear, the pain of... Well, the epidural is amazing. Yeah, she's so she's getting that. We're waiting until she can't take it anymore. That's I know that's gonna suck for me. And I know don't be selfish. No, I'm gonna be because I've been selfish my it anymore. That's, I know that's gonna suck for me. And I know, don't be selfish. No, I'm gonna be.

Cause I've been selfish my whole life. That's what's gotten me everything. That's why she doesn't have to work right now. That's why we can have this baby. That's why we live in New York City. We have a department because of my selfishness. Okay, and all of a sudden I gotta shut that down. We're saying it's selfish for you to want

to want her to wait for that. No, because what happens when she's gonna give birth and when she's in labor, you're gonna have to, I have to be with her, it's all about her. And of course, it's hard for the man because you're kind of helpless. You can't, you know, like, you've got a massage, you've got to be there

and just whatever she needs and rub, do certain things to make the pain a little easier. You don't know when it feels like so, it's hard for you to. Yeah, so she's just bitching and, you know, fucked up and she's trying to get comfortable and you're trying to make her comfortable. So you really have to take that alpha male shit, throw it out the fuck a window

and just be this gentle, soothing human being and loving person and let her just give, am I out of my mind? No, it's true. That's what I plan on doing. But it's exhausting. Yeah. This is all making me so happy my girlfriend got a period this weekend i feel joy all over again

i'm tall how old are you i'm uh... thirty three i'm glad i waited i mean i'm glad you know i'm fucking glad i mean because the number one i i i i i got to come inside of my wife because i i wanted to. You know what I mean? I was doing it to come in her.

I got to make that baby. You're thinking about it when you're not like this. When I'm like, baby. Yeah, I got to, I remember telling her like, oh, look at me, look at me. I'm coming in you. Look at me, I'm fucking gizzin' in you, vaj. I was excited because it was like the first time I fucked

in my life for the reason you're supposed to fuck. Ever. That was the first time I got to fuck a woman and keep my dick in, deep inside her v- adj. Wait, that was the first time? Let jizz come out. Did you ever put that before? No, because you never fucked a girl before.

I was trying to make her have a, it was not that, it's trying to even girls on birth the control First of all Of course you do you guys need to keep Murray poloch on the air I've never had sex with another woman We know we know faggot Can't say that about men can you what do you do? What do you do Lewis with your girl? Do you guys use condoms? You mean Louis I like my life. I know. What do you use condoms?

Yeah, we most of the time try to yeah, you try to go we it's the goal Let's use come yeah, are you please you put it on you fucker twice like I can't get it hard You take it off me like let's take our chances. I condom broke. I might just have to finish it off Cut wait, wait, what no, do you want? Do you need to take a nap? Are you good? You good? Oh, okay, another kid just went out. I mean this kid just went out. We check his heartbeat Yeah, it's not like girls with you. It's not girls going wild See that the guy's going to jail is he should he's a fucking savage If you haven't watched girls going wild the originals when they're at Maddie grow what are those?

They have the girl the white girl in a bunch of college drunk college guys shoulder and she's about to Pull her titties up, but there's always a black guy in the back just staring. And then when she pulls her shirt up, you see one black hand just coming in and shake it, Titi. She looks down and like pushes it away. And like just a ton of them, there's just a black hand that comes up. And that's what happened today.

Uh, like white titties. Jesus, no way you can say the word titties without me freaking out. Why? Why? Because you're just saying so gross. I sound like you're like, you're like, so anyway, Jesus no way you can say the word titties without me freaking out Because you wait you just say so gross. I sound like you're like so anyway I'm reading a book to the voice of like a grizzled old black guy that like tell with the fucking Real racism in the South I feel the same way when women say boobs like that Booze is fun word

How goofy like Childish yeah, yeah, it's really yeah, it's fun word. It's like grow how goofy Really it just turned you off You some lotion you nasty bitch The be word in front of be I just Be easy to do it the be word bitch or boo It's so funny though when you when when Monroe came in I was like was a nigga I was Your hesitant But I know but I did it nigger like he called me a nigger nigger hang on you has a dude First of all I just people up and downstairs from us and they're not gonna get the corner of the black

They're gonna think I'm just I just have you on solo Listen I was because I did that intentionally when I walked in you know was oh, you know like I was kidding But it's it's such a it's such a funny word for a black comic to use like Patrice. If you listen to Patrice's last album, he says, Nigger sometimes, like I talked to him about this to the word. I heard the order. Yeah, I heard the order. You said Nigger.

I don't give a shit. Oh, he says it like, when he calls somebody a Nigger, like Nigger, it's the funniest. It's a fucking hilarious There's there's nothing else that would make that sentence funny But it's the word because he's saying the way you use it in so many different Continental in nigga like like a like a you think somebody's lying like dude you I went to I went I saw I saw a monster in the hallway

Nega, you know Please you know what we have what it is like what is the what is like if you like to do that if you like i just like to talk to you you know that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that dude for black people and i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm people saying the word dude around me i'm i'm gonna change the podcast to nigger you know what nigger i'm gonna be good hey ready

how are you doing welcome to robber kelly's you know what nigger oh my god what was it you know what nigger i'm gonna be good oh shes good it's uh you know what a patrice about the same thing that you're saying that it's just yeah well i he he i used to talk to him all I did the when you say I used to say when you say nigger When you talk about me nigger

I don't know when you used to say filthy nigger Oh, when he's when he says it I I used to laugh I used to say you used I do you make me want to say it because it's so when you say it It's so funny and fun. Well Monroe makes me want to say it but not for that same reason But no Let's have this conversation without you fucking throwing you fucking racist whips. I know he has stopped So yeah, he actually he understood it. He actually got it because betrice was so funny With like he used it as that that extra what like a question

My like you know, he was so funny with it He even if you listen to his album, he says it a lot like some I forget one guy said something He was like What with the car to do yeah the car? I say nigga a car another guy goes what he, what do you want? And you want something? And the guy was like, a car. He was like, he went, nigga! He was so mad.

He was so mad at the guy, but he was so funny the way he said it. And everybody laughs. White flag. I mean, it's just fucking hilarious. Do you actually get mad at people saying the word? No, I think it's funny. I think it's funny, as think it's a think it's funny As long as it's not ER

Whatever I don't talk about the ER. I'm talking about the ER. Only when you say it because you mean it Hold on I want to really know this honestly God because Lewis you brought this up before Louis sorry Louis I know Jay Louis Louis Louis you brought it up before with him about a stupid We talked about this before on the party his stupid Facebook page and seriously does he his racism fuck fuck you at all mine Yeah, yeah, no, listen to me look at me Monroe. I'm asking you serious. I'm not saying I know you love Lewis It does it does it really doesn't really you could say yes It doesn't matter. He's not gonna stop

This isn't a nigger intervention For Lewis doesn't bother me because I know he's trying to be funny. Yeah, okay Motherfucker I don't I don't I don't say last time is a lot of trying Motherfucker I don't I don't what I would say last time is that there's a lot of trying First of all you fucking asshole this tweets were funny. I'll stand by them They were funny tweets. All right first of all and second of all and third of all I don't I don't I don't use the word like that I don't I don't fuck around on jug around that much with it two black people But when I'm just white people people, oh I love a road gig with all white comments roll the windows up. Niggin niggin niggin niggin niggin

get them all out. Niggin niggin niggin niggin niggin niggin niggin niggin niggin. It looks like like it's weird when you're to me and bigger was like you don't look like you're white. You look like you're mixed with like some sort of spaniac. Okay and Puerto Rico. As as Colin as Colin Quinn said My grandmother got my great great great grandma got raped on the chiber pass No, no, she wanted it. Lily. Tell him a chiber pass. It's going. I'm a chiber pass in Pakistan. You fucking prick No, it's in Afghanistan. That's not true. It's in Pakistan. No, it isn't how much you want to bet?

I'll $300 Third or Yeah, I was gonna go what you could pay me I'm sure it's in Pakistan. No, what is it? How much you want to bet? A $300. $300? Really? I was thinking of what you could pay me. $30. 30 bucks. 30 bucks. 30 bucks. 30 bucks. 30 bucks. I will take all your coke deposit bottles. I know I saw you last week in front of my house rummaging around 630.

All this MMA t-shirts. It gave me all my MMA t-shirts. Does it bother you honestly? You really do. So if you and your friends use it, right? Yeah, me and my friends use it. But it's, it's weird. Talking to the microphone.

Use the microphone. Talking to the white person. They're in cool. Right. Usually like any minority, like I'm just okay automatically with them using it. Like I've, I'm a minority. But they're really, you don't even try to be Puerto Rican like you try to kill myself You call yourself Lewis and

I mean I'd be the biggest bag on earth I need you to do something what I need you to different rules. Stop running away. I need you to do something. I need you to not raise this kid. I need you to leave her. We're gonna take care of her. I'm gonna Rose gonna take care of my kid. Oh no, the podcast every week will take you. You're gonna live here from now on.

I talked to no, that bedroom's yours, okay? This father's, you know what, dude. I think comics we do, because we hang around with everybody. Women, black, Jewish, Catholic. Well, you're seriously Puerto Rican. And we, there is no line for us. If we're friends, we're fucking smashing that line all the time. Just to make ourselves laugh.

We fuck with that. That's why I'm okay with it because it comes from a place of you trying to be funny. It comes from a place of like camaraderie or whatever. Yeah, but it's like it. Call me a nigga like nigga get the fuck out of here. Yeah, but it's like having superhero powers. We can't really tell the world.

We can't show them to other people. We have to kind of keep this, because we can't be on a train. I can't be like, nigga, please. People next to me like, did he just call call, what the fuck is wrong with him? But you know what I mean? Also like, when people, when you like your friends are like, cap on, you make fun of you. To me, it's like, if it's always just about race

or religion or something like that, it's almost like, it feels lame because it feels like they don't really know you. You know what I mean? I don't like just being made fun of, because I'm Jewish, because there's like so many, other things you make fun of. You're tiny hands.

Yeah, 110 pounds. You're a fat and skinny Shit, no, take it against James's hand my baby That's something that's personal with me Yeah, but I was making the Jewish thing and I'd nothing to do with you fucking ego maniac I want to ask something right now. Can I can I do something right now? I want to ask you something yours wife basically yours yours be yours partner in life your soldier Does it does it bother you sometimes how fucked up Lewis can be?

No, I want to know big About your fucking answer Lewis is an intervention you want to get a black eye B. You want your baby hit after the show That's as much as fun to one hand they got little hands. They don't hurt as much Plus you could view he lives on breast milk Much money you can say just be him having finger you with his fists I don't want you to answer it because I know your answer And I don't want this little kid to be far the list. I don't want you to ever think really about what you've done

She loves my sense of humor. Well, it took me a while. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, duh, duh, duh. Wow. Oh, sorry, buddy. You woke up the baby. You know what?

It took me a while to get used to it. Yeah, how long? Like two years, it's like a- It was probably about a year and a half. I think she's there. I think she's there. Really? I just wasn't used to being around racist.

Well, racist comics now. Unfunny racists. Angry, angry men who work at gyms. No, different gyms every six months. I sold 300 membership. I made $85 a day. I'm still used to being around someone. So buff, Am I right?

Some of who gets buff and unbuff Like like Ricky Lake With Lewis is just taking a shit is the difference If you took one on I have a professional wrestling body from him like a lower league on a kick down the WWE No, you also have as a fucking wordy sentence. I don't have a fucking fucking phone. Jesus Christ, you put everybody asleep on that one. So you got used to it.

Yeah, I'm the opposite. I'm kind of like the opposite of you in that sense, because I'm, well, I'm not a comic, and I'm also, I'm the type where I like go out of my way to not be, you know. Racist, yeah. Yeah, because I have a lot of, I've all types of friends. I have all types of friends too.

Yeah, but we're comics, dude. There's a different, listen, I'm sorry, I don't know. I don't just not blex or juice. There is a comic code that we have, and we don't, and people listen, and don't walk up to us and, no, you're not in it. Oh, when the, when the, when someone comes up

and shows like, I get this great joke for you, and it's like, always something racist and like horrible. I'm like, I don't know, you know. in it. When someone comes up, if you have a chance, I get this great joke for you, and it's like always something racist and horrible. I'm like, I don't know. I write those down. Yeah. Yeah, don't come up to us. And I don't want you to go up to my room and have to get a beating from him and his big black friends.

I'm just a dude in a face one time in Philly. Why? Well, what happened? Because he was being racist, and then he tried to come on stage and like grab the microphone so I'll just hit him You say he's being racist though racism and racism is the word the people throw in What not you liberally when it's not racism? It's been racial like what racial it was just a bunch of like talking to the mic Fucking you dumb. Hey, this is my brother. Oh, my god I'm gonna use to this at the check-ass

Hey, you you dumb you dumb open-micro wink wink God damn it all these open-micres are moving to the neighborhood hey I love open-micres I'm not open-micro I'm working on a person who opens-micres You're an open-micro My wife has never been with an open-micro. I'm not joking. I'm wink-wink-wink. I'm thank God my wife has never been with an open-micro. I'm a damn good at open-micro jump high.

Thank God the salad doesn't use that many open-micros. Thank God they put them on at the end because you know the open-micros they like to run the light. Ah, it's so good. Whoa, whoa, whoa, my brother doesn't even get it. He's like I'm not open My Got it. Listen, yeah, but don't hammer it into the ground. We had fun. And then you're gonna make it real you really do Why do I want them to how long gonna take you to tell your family that he's a comic?

She has to bring home tapes. Yeah, this is funny She actually brought it she had to write it out new that's the only way they got it Oh, try it. She has to bring home tapes. Yeah, this is funny. She actually brought it. She had to write it out. And that's the only way they got it. Not that might be funny, as long as he wasn't doing it live. The same thing as our camp, they think it's like a hobby. It's like, oh, it's more of a hobby.

Let's get real. Yeah, no, it is. We are real. That. No. So are you coming with us when we do that show? And is she gonna come to the casino right? We're just fucking inviting her to my road gigs. I'm trying to get some side pussy from Kelly You're not sharing a room, dude

It will be nice side pussy in this what? No, first of all, that's not side pussy. That's gigantic That's fucking close to the ground pussy That's called fucking She had a natural hysterectomy It's got projectile pussy. Yeah her eggs closed up and formed a fist inside of her fucking uterus Fell out and hit the ground with a All right listen You're doing a show you fucking ass. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone.

You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone.

You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone.

You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone. You can't even get a phone, she can go. I'm curious. Listen, I uninvite you. You can't go. Do I really get my own room now? Yeah. I've never gotten my own room on a road gig. Yeah, man. Just for people who don't know who will listen in. Kelly, what are the dates?

The dates are June 27th, March 29th. Memorize this pitch. She went to the whole world. Besides hosting a talent show, this is the first show she's on two months. We're doing a YKWD show at comics and Foxwoods coming up June 27th, 28th, 29th. And we're doing a nasty show on the 29th late show. So get your tickets now. Comics Foxwoods.

You know what, podcast, Kelly Fistuka, Lewis J. Daddy Gomez, myself are gonna be tearing it up. So we're also gonna be maybe doing those podcasts from the venue somewhere. So he eats the people asking me. Yeah, so if you guys wanna podcast, email me, what are you raising your hand during my time? Oh, I'm doing it. I'm sorry.

I thought you were raising your... He's like, he's doing some bait, you be, you know, really impressed with the air conditioning. So, yeah. So make sure you email me at ykwd at ridecast.com. If you guys are coming and you want to do a podcast, maybe I'll have him open up the club Saturday afternoon or something like that. Or maybe we'll do one late night on Friday. Once you're doing my room, you're inviting everyone to come to my room apparently. I told us she can't come I already nullify it No, B. You can't go if I see you there. I will punch your baby What are you gonna do I'm kidding dude?

I'm gonna have a baby too. I might have my chick with me. Maybe I bring my chick. Bring me baby. Maybe two of the babies will come. That would be really fun. There you go. Now the baby you're back in. Now you're coming in.

Can I bring it back? If my baby's out by then. If my baby does, if you can't come, so there you go. Can I bring your baby too? Cause I'm a fifth wheel now. Bring, bring Louis and you've a ginor and shit about there in the show. Make it like an alternative night. Look at this.ie and you've a ginor and shit about there in the show make it like an alternative night look at this

Kelly you in a box wrap up one of your one of your giant titties one of your misshapen titties and put it in like a little baby bonnet and carry it around wait is what you know we did can I say look in look at these eyes looking down listen I just said black man man you know me and Dane Cook had a couple of guys had, we had an improv group back in the day, we used to do skits. And one of the skits, we, we, what's called juanabox.

And we got a refrigerator box, and we cut a little hole in it. And we put it on stage before the show and it said juanabox. And it had a little crank thing on the side. And at the, we put this Jewish kid Michael Bales who was just Jewish, you know. And we put him in the box for the whole show

he had to sit there. And then at the end, or when the show had a lot of some where we cranked the side and we go, these, we need a joke, we need a funny joke now. We need to go to Jew in the box and we crank it and he come out and he's Old vaudeville Take my wife, please and then it's a shot

He had a sit there for fuck it. I think it was like a two-hour show He was just in a box and we would go, I think we went to them like three times. So three times for three jokes, I don't like two hours, this kid sat in a box. That's tough. Ah, wait a second, though. Better than the other boxes.

Does it mean it's in boxes? Better than the other sketch, do you want to train? Jesus Christ, I mean, I really, you got too far. Oh, actually, that was actually pretty good. I really like Lewis's racism because with Lewis, you just, he says it, it's out there straight away. You know exactly where he's coming from. You know, there's no left or right.

I'm a victim. I'm a victim. I'm a racist. I'm a victim. I'm a racist. They're the ones you gotta worry about, because they're the ones you want to site too face. Listen to me, I grew up in an all white neighborhood. Okay, this is true. These are fucking throw rocks at me.

This play game called Kill the Nigger. And it was not black, it was me. I was the only slightly brown person. So I grew up with major race issues. Whenever in kindergarten, do the first day of class, everyone naturally segregated. It wasn't like they sat you in a certain seat. So like they said, I don't go find your seats

and all the white kids sat together and all the Puerto Rican kids That together and all the black kids act together and I just sat with all the white kids like a little Puerto Rican in the center That's cuz you a eight that when I was five. Oh, I get it Yeah, I know that was a good one I did go too young. I should've said 14. Everybody would've got it then. I'll take the band down it, but fuck you.

I thought, I got a couple of people laughing. And even your lady friend laughed at it. Can I get it? I feel like because of my perspective, it's like, I don't know, dude, I can fucking, being Hispanic, you have the right, or you almost have like, you have this weird perspective where you can fucking be racist again.

I'm gonna make it deal with you right now, me and you right now, who every time I say fuck and you say fuck, I have to give you a dollar, if I say it and you have to give me a dollar, and Kelly, you add it up by the end of the show. Because me and you both have to stop saying fuck as a period. I'm not saying it as a period, I say it.

I don't give a shit of fuck. You get it, fuckhead. Is it fuck? One dollar't give you get it fuckhead $1 okay no fuckhead counts $2 fuck three three four no wait what about shit what about shit and bitch no that account shut your shit bitch mouth you can't fucking can't shit in bitch. I've had everything. It's a shit shit. Listen. Fucking stupid Aussie rules.

Five. Write it down. Oh, fuck. I owe you five. No, four. Oh, four. Okay, just mark me down for one and him five. All right, so, oh, did your baby just fart?

Maybe. Look, I think racism is funny when you what between comics the way we fuck with each other it's funny i think uh... you know it does definitely get uncomfortable when uh... you're you know you're around a racist

because it even me who's a comic you know like i've been around fans and stuff after shows and sometimes it like uh... that fucking, it's like, dude, relax. And they almost get weirded out, because they, I think they somehow, because we joke so much, and there's no lines with us on these shows or ONA

or something, they think that there's no, we don't have, there is a line, and we don't cross it. And then you go out and, you're in some at a woody area and then do these fucking man. It's good out here man. You can fucking no nears come here. It's like, whoa, dude, I'm not. Whoa, seriously, I'm moving. You're moving there.

Yeah, it's weird. It's uncomfortable when you're, when you're confronted with real racism, you can feel it. You can feel somebody who really is racist. I get the racism where people think they're being polite But just like I was that comic that Fox was and a lady she was like 70. Are you trying to get on the show? No, I did it I did it with I did it with Lenny Marcus. Oh really? It's not really a show And I'm by me no

Older ladies she gave me a hug and she was like oh you smell nice for a black guy As she said and how they know how to react the fuck you smell good. Thank you black guys always smell good though That's like cocoa butter or like dark guys smell like chips black guys always Black Come your fucking vagina down right now I agree with you. All right, B, come you're fucking vagina down right now. That's one, Bobby. Hang on, one second.

Hang on one second. You're right, black guys do smell good most of the time. Yeah, I'm out of my way. Yeah, they're experienced. I would like to know about your experience. How do they taste? You know, you know, like cocoa butter, but our mom just says,

do you have much money we all lost on that baby coming out white? I had sucka shit to look like an open marker. like to go for a moment. Yeah much money we all lost on that baby coming out white and suck a shit to look like an open mic uh... well but black women smell they don't smell bad but they smell different there because black women don't wash their hair they don't they don't smell bad but they smell different there because black women don't wash their hair

they don't they don't shampoo like white girls will smell like shampoo and stuff like that because they they wash their hair every day they condition shampoo they fucked the shit out of the hair yeah they can't wash their hair every day though because it's it's it's the thing next to their bed no on the lampshade. It's just like a scarf.

It's hanging out of their backpack. It's still got beats on it. It's just that they put a lot of product in their hair. And it mixes with sweat Yeah, it's flying all the way from India. It's all the kitchen table. It looks like a carousel and it's holding flowers during the night Monroe you sleep with white girls as well. Yeah, my Not not not me my ex-boyfriend told me that he noticed a difference between white pussy and black pussy Yeah, in terms of smell

Um, you confirm or deny this isn't a racist by the way. It's just factuals. Yeah What I'll say it's not a huge difference Lord shake my hair White girls have like a planar more generic Bitch pussy, but it's no white white. Can I? It's maintenance? Yeah, yeah, either a clean pussy smells like clean pussy, so it depends if you put that in there Yeah, I'll say young taste different. That's what I think well, you know There is young girl each city so it tastes like falafel and on it on the bush

She's just a young girl pussy smells like bubble gum and falafel. They eat city. Young girls from Brooklyn, and fuck the living of projects. They're gonna eat the only pussy that tastes good is middle-aged divorce women that fucking got their shit together. Go to spin classes. That shit. I think it's about maintenance.

It's about caring for it. And also, if a girl's shaved more, because that's what the problem is, the hair, it builds up sweat and sweat. All kinds of stuff gets built up in the hair. So actually shaving is like, but just keeps it cleaner and takes it, takes it in fresh air.

But the hair, the weave on a black girl, because you don't wash it, it does. You ever see a black girl getting itch on her head? She's gonna like punch her own head. I'm just gonna shoot her out. Take it all, stop it. I'm gonna get a pen right in there. Just smash it or four it into, stop it. Get a pen right in there. It's just smashing it up for it into a brick wall. Well, it's, but that smell, it's not smelly.

It's just a different type of human smell, the hair product and what the stuff they put in. And not cleaning it all the time. When you use to white girl hair, which smells like flowers because they washing addition the hair every day and then you go with a black girl it's definitely like what the fuck is this no this is real racist girl it's okay no I was something that I had to use to it it's something that I I remember the lot of black girls it's something I had to get used to because I didn't know I was like what is why do you what is that smell and I didn't know

because I went with a black girl who had just a shred up Afro and it was, there was nothing different than really. You were just gonna say that. Very, nothing different. The Afro hair smells different. You're not gonna say that. I'm definitely not. I like that.

Well, I'm not gonna women with natural hair. I love Afro. I love it too, absolutely. But it was just, when I went with the girl with the weave, I remember I was fucking around with her and I went to pull her hair. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hair. She really got mad. She's like, baby, the fucking this shit, this shit is expensive.

$130 a put in. Yeah, don't put, don't grab my hair like that. I didn't even fucking get that because it looked like regular hair. Don't white people have weird smells like the white people smell different to you than black people? Not really. Like, yeah, I think I think I think it's a diet thing but it's also the cream that women put on their bodies a lot of black women use like cocoa butter and jive butter. It makes it better with your regular.

So you saying black pussies better? I didn't say to all pussies better. I don't really care what they are. You are saying it's better. What? You're growing better? She's better. What? Yeah, oh, he said no. He grids me.

You prefer what he prefer? White, black. My girlfriend's black right now. Oh, yeah. That's why I went to hard. That's why it's like, no, it's not a race thing. I tell you, I think black women for me psychologically, sexually, they're better. Psychologically. I've had that before. Because they're ahead.

Well, no, it's one you know a girl. I remember the first time I was fucking around with the black, actually the second time I was fucking around with a black girl. And I was doing all that white girl trick shit where you gotta rub their titty, rub their pussy, kiss them like prints in Apollonia. Keep everything going till they can't. You need to give them an excuse to have sex

So it's I can't like no, no, please okay, and then you take your dick out and they put on my girl I don't know what I'm doing. I didn't know black girl I remember I was doing that shit to a black girl and she went chill the fuck I'm fucking you Yeah, you don't you don't need her she goes you don't she said She goes yeah, that's just stupid She goes, you don't, she said it. Well, she goes, yeah, that's just stupid. She said, she said, she goes, I'm fucking you, relax. And then I was like, what?

She's like, we're fucking, you don't need to do all this crazy shit. Exactly. So then we just had the best sex ever. But I don't think that's a black white thing. I think that's a maturity knowing that you are. No, no, it's a black what trust me. I don't agree. I've had in the non-sexual way. I don't think that's a black white thing. I think that's a maturity knowing who you are knowing what you're going for what you want.

Not playing games. All right. Can I just stop both of you right here? I don't I don't mean to say this. How many black women and how many white women have you guys fucked? So shut your faces. Honestly got it. Because I'm in the hundreds. I'm in the fucking hundreds. I did a lot of fucking in my teenage years, my 20s and my 30s. Hundreds. I fucked around with hundreds of women. Hundreds of pounds of women. No, 100's, I fucked around with 100's of women. Hundreds of pounds of women. All right, no, what's up? Fuckers. Make sure you go to my website, Robertkellylive.com, and check out all my dates, my tour dates,

at Robertkellylive.com. It's fucking fantastic, little website for you. Comics, Fox Woods, 27th, 28th, 29th. You know what, dude? Podcast show. Lewis Gomez, Kelly Fistuka, myself will be there all weekend. We'll do it a bunch of shows at the Foxwoods, a 27, 28, 29th. And then we're doing a nasty show on Saturday.

So come down, spread the word Connecticut, Boston, Rhode Island. And we're gonna be doing some maybe a podcast at some point either after one of the shows are before we'll let you know as the date gets closer and then I'm going to just for laughs for a long fucking time a long fucking time holy shit fucking time the 16th of July to the 28 I don't even know if that's legal. So there you go. Go to my comedy fucking website for more information, bio, photos, love, whatever you want. Facebook, Twitter, make sure you spread the word about the show. Come see us live, support us live. It's always great when you, the YKW defense, come up after the show and let

us know that you were there. We get allowed, dude, at the show. I'll know that you. Or a fucking retarded person. So there you go. And go get my app on iTunes, Robert Kelly Live app. That's the podcast on it, all my dates, writing the palm of your hand, and it's award-winning. So check it out. And Roy, it's coming soon. My developer, I think he doesn't talk to me anymore. So I don't know what the fuck's going on. So what the fuck are you going to do? But get the app if you have an iPhone and get the Ryecast app if you have an iPhone. Get it all. It's all free free free free free free free. Fuck it's free. God. So there you go.

Free, free, fuck, it's free. God. So there you go. So it absolutely is cultural that white women need an excuse. They need an excuse, whether it be you like me, you're not gonna think I'm a pig. Maybe not you, because you're dating a Puerto Rican and you're from Australia.

So maybe you guys are a little more freeer for you, but believe me, the white girls I've been with, you had, that's why guys always pull, we pull out our dicks and they're like, don't do that. We do that because we need you to have, I didn't pull my dick out. I was one of the people that know that. That's a trigger word. I have to disagree with you. You guys don't know what you're talking about. I understand what they're saying though. When you're with typically, it doesn't matter if they're black, white, whatever.

A girl from 18 to 23. They're very much like, they sit there and they wait for you to lead the dance. When you start to be with chicks That are a little bit older late 20s 30s typically they already know what they want unless they're fucking like reclusive Yeah, young girls use sex they use it to like I don't know get a guy to like them All my friends and yeah, all my friends now I'd start a date like early 30s girls And it's like the best decision. They haven't I've never seen you with another friend except for these people girls and it's like the best decision they have ever made. I've never seen you with another friend except for these people right here.

I have friends. Really? I don't know. Are you in the room now? No. Can we see them? They're talking to me right now. They're telling me to kill everyone.

What? I don't know what they're talking about. I like that. It's not going to happen someday. But I will say like, the trick is the cave is mine. Ethnic women are typically better in bed than white chicks. I think they're not hung up on religious and am I a slut? If I, and my experience with black girls,

if they like you and they want to fuck around with you, they're just gonna do it. And they're gonna let you know that, hey, we're cool. It's, you don't need to, and a white girl, the hoops that you have to jump through to make her you have to let her know that she's not a whore for doing this. Some black girls do that though like white black girls. Oh they bug me white black girls. Let me tell you something. White black girls.

Listen to me. White black girls are the most dangerous people on the planet earth. Like oh my god like I want you to choke me. Oh my god, why are you choking me? I'm gonna cut all the cups. No, I want you to choke me, man. Oh, fucking stay away. The same goes the other way though. Like, minority men are typically better in bed than white men.

That's right. I think, I don't know. No, she's saying minority. You're not a minority. You're white. You're white. She's talking about all the black men she's been with. Whoa, baby.

How many open mics have you been with? What? I think, look, I don't know about that. See, here's, here, I'm not gonna step into that arena because I've never fucked a black guy. Not that I've never thought about it. Don't you think in that to say just like make it all like we're all human race or whatever,

but I really think it's all about chemistry. Like it's just chemistry and I don't even know what that's about. Like some girls use chemo then just on and that does it perfectly. That does exist. Absolutely that exists. The chemistry will look you could there could be a chunky chick with who had four kids, but you could have chemistry with her and you want to fuck the shit out you could be a 28 year old gorgeous in shape dude but you just this something about this broad that you just will love fucking her being with her but i think also though there is cultural things to you like certain things like i stopped dating asian girls for a while because i just i went with a bunch of a few of them and I just was like I'm not really into it anymore Like for something happened. I just changed tastes not like not like I don't I don't want to treat people like food

Because I'd eat them all I get it I wasn't gonna go there. Yeah, I just said fuck by the way And I you can't use the other one because but I you do change like I'm into this. Like I've been into thin girls, and then I was like, I couldn't stand them. Yeah, I like trashy girls that were real thin for a minute, and then I like, there was a time where I like big girls,

then I like Asian girls for a while, I like black girls for a minute, Puerto Ricans have always been on my radar, like number one, Puerto Ricans girls have been on my radar. Like number one, Puerto Ricans girls have been my favorite, and then, Brunettes, I don't like blondes that much. I don't like blondes either. I have a prop, I fucked up with blondes,

because I have a prop. I think they have big wet pussies, all the time they're pussies of wet. That's right, that's right. That's right. That's right. Bobby's you said a very dry pussies. That's right.

It's like this is weird, what is this? I like breaking the seal. I like I like breaking the seal I like having to break the seal like dry dry wet I've a I haven't I've problems Recognizing different blonde women. They all look the same to me and it's fucking up in the industry There's a lot of blonde women that work in in entertainment and I can't I I don't, I'm like, they can see that I'm looking at them like, do I know you and like we've hung out and I just forget that. But who is really blonde though? Like blonde girls aren't really, you don't even know

if they're blonde, who's the blonde? Well that's also what I like because there's the trick of the blonde. Like you'll get a girl who's like a six and all of a sudden she's a blonde and she catches your eye because like bright, but she's not necessarily hotter, you know, just like a light shining at you. Fuck it. Yeah. I mean, I'm never been to blonde. You jealous?

No. All the blondes I've ever been with have big wet pussy's, like just two wet. I don't see a product. Like it's just like, I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it. Two wet words like sloppy, can't feel anything.

I don't like what, yeah, like I don't wet. Like washing out? Like, ew, ew. I don't like big wet put. I like, I don't want to go in and it's wet. I want, I want to wet it. I want to be part of wetting it I don't want you to be walking around like I don't want to walk up to you while you're at work and you push He's wet like why don't you want it to be because it's because of you?

Yeah, not just father me. I've always thought that was a good thing. Yeah, I don't like it What's fine. Look at the doesn't stink I? Stinks are you really likes to eat pussy? I don't like smelly not stinky fine, Zlengar doesn't stink. I think sometimes I don't stink, sorry. You really like stinky pussy. I don't like stinky. It's not stinky, it's not stinky. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good, stinky.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What? No, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no, there you go, nothing. Swelly is like a sweaty, like you can run in. You want a garbage, you want like a musk. Yeah, you want to know she's alive, Bob. But stinky is like, you didn't wash. You did something wrong with Bob. Like shit and pussy juice mixed. Yeah, and want to know she's alive, Bob. But stinky is like you didn't wash. You got something wrong with Bob.

Like shit and pussy juice mixed. Yeah, like and then form garbage. Yeah. Yes. Like you get, oh, you want to know like you can put it on the end of an app. You can put it on the end of an arrow and paralyze a man. Yeah.

Put it in the upload art. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel full. Whoa. Someone killed me with a pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, It took me a long time to get I think because I Was brought into pussy in a weird way like sex. It took me a long time to get into pussy to me. I had bad Early on it was all dick early on I mean I'm not gonna get into that again, but I guess so low if you want to get fucking technical Well, I, uh, yes, it's been, it's, when I got it,

I had weird experiences with pussy, when I, I shouldn't have, I shouldn't have been playing with pussy, you're fucking pussy at 13. It kind of, yeah, it kind of was the, and earlier than that. So, and it was gross, like, like it was just I was a young kid in vagina was it was like a woman to one of the like I never was with like a girl my age I was one time and I

Used to draw on her pussy like money funny faces. I didn't know you ruined the pussy for yourself Yeah, I think that's why your pussy's are so dry because you're trying to make their toys. No, but then when I was 13, I remember like there was this town chick that people used to fuck around with and there was a couple of them. Those were like the blouse and then this girl Carrie and it was gross. But I had to do it because I was part of this gang

and everybody was, huh? We used to rape girls in our neighborhood. What the fuck is wrong with you guys? Hey, no rape jokes. And I don't think she, I don't know, dude. It's a fuck. It was a bad experience, but it was, it was supposed, like, I was pretending like it was a good thing at the time to fit in.

But it was gross. When you were young, you said he was too young and these older women were hanging out. And you know, everyone thinks like when these older teachers mess with the other kids like they're doing them a favor but you're saying it actually fucked you up here's what it fucked me up about because um um I remember it was I was hanging out with kids too remember that they were 18 25 I was 13 I know with a lot of older kids and they were alpha males these guys were you

know you know they they were they were alcoholics and professional drinkers. Yeah, so they were low. And I used to have to go with them and, you know, there was this girl, yeah, come here. Fuck her, dude. And I'd fuck this lady. And I remember we were on this bus and everybody was fucking her getting head off her and then it was my turn and I went over. It was gross.

It was disgusting. I put my penis in and she discharged on it. And I didn't know what that was. That was rune pussy for me. Well, that fucked it up for me for a while. That actually turned me on. That was a good thing. That was a good thing.

Did you like that wet pussy? You know where, like I throw up, like I always on O and A and stuff like that. That gag reflex isn't something that was, that's and stuff like that. That gag reflex isn't something that's from stuff like that. So when I don't throw up at surgeries or stuff like that, I throw up at when something's coming out of an asshole or like a prolapsed, prolapsed asshole, prolapsed, was it prolapsed? Watching Kelly's ass.

Pro lapsed asshole. That's why my wife giving birth. I can't watch that because I was at a young age subjected to these visuals that made me, ugh, like that's what vagina was to me. Just stuff came out of it. I remember I was throwing up and they were laughing and it was an embarrassing, weird moment for me.

So it was awful, so it took me, it took me a lot of her life. It took me a long time to actually, you know, I have that joke in my actor. It took me, I don't want to ruin my wife's vagina with the birth, because it took me a long time to actually, you know, I have that joke in my actor. It took me, I don't wanna ruin my wife's vagina with the birth, because I took me a long time to get used to vagina. You know, a lot of years of staring at my wife's pussy

going, it's not my cousin, it's not my cousin, it's not my cousin's pussy. You know what I mean? Yeah, nobody laughs. Everybody just feels like, Bobby's working with us. Joe's on us. No, but that of bits.

It really did take me a long time to get used to My wife's vagina and be like okay with it But you done you got enough you fucking said that about my check she was right here. You fucking asshole Yeah, you wish a vagina is I'm just got to You fucking throw it in my fucking kid on the floor damn. I'm not gonna throw you that's another one I'm No down 20 no But but it's now I'm okay with it. That's why I don't want to watch blood come out of it Oh, I don't want her to poo and and have a baby's head come out of her

I don't want to because that might I'm afraid that's gonna fuck up the visual again like I'm gonna It's gonna take me every time I'm down there, I'm gonna be like, you know, sshhh. Yeah. I get that way the mystique. That's how I felt about finding out that you did a blighter. If you want to get me. I like the mystique taking away the guy before him.

Yeah, it was actually the guy I dated right before I met him. What's a black guy? I love that she's cracking it up. It just makes her happy. Because I'm really bothered with him. I don't her really bothered. She's thinking about the penis difference. No, it's because he's insecure. I fucking found Magnum's in her drawer. Are you kidding me? And then I was like, oh, I throw these out. We don't need these at all. We're never gonna need them. And she's like, no, I'm not gonna just throw them out. Like, my what? I waste

what a way. What the back there? I need that. In case the apocalypse, but you can fill it. You can fill it with water. You can have a water supply in your house. You're not inclusive yet. Some of your eyes don't spade it. What are you planning on hooking up with them? No, it wasn't that. I wasn't like hooking up with two guys.

Why would you not want to throw them out? Because Lewis and me, it was like, I had known him for like two weeks. It wasn't yet. He's not gonna tell me what. But but we show you a planning ongoing with a monster penis again Well, you just you never know you do you do look look in this room Who doesn't have a monster penis and who does What open micro had needs the magnum and

Which I damn hands what headliners don't All right, let's do a little plug in here real quick and we'll get back into the combo you guys like I said July 27th 28th and 29th me I said July 27th, 28th and 29th, me, Louis J. Gomez in the feature spot, Kelly Fistooka, Hi Baba Daba. Shut your kid up, I swear to God, I'll punch you right up this gig, I'll put Maro in. Seriously, he ruins his show. Maro, I'll give you a thousand, you throw that baby out the window. Listen, I'm kidding, where you going?

Me and Kelly Fistooka and Louis J. Gomez, J Gomez, you know what dude podcast going to Foxwoods Comics at Foxwoods we're gonna be there Thursday Friday Saturday Saturday night late show is a dirty nasty show We're gonna add another comic on there. We're gonna find I gotta find somebody they got one guy. I'm thinking might add another guy We're gonna so if you want to go to a please and if you guys want a podcast if you want to come please email ykwd at ryecast.com. Kelly thank you where you going? Oh fuck I need you. We're doing these things. Sit down. What the fuck? Oh she need if she need you. Oh guys you gotta help her. Sorry. Well it's right in the other room. It's not that I just kissed the microphone

because I thought it was my kids head I want you now I want you to kiss the microphone after every plug Go to tweaked audio dot com get 33% off Headphones right now 33% off free shipping Off any headphones if you use the code word ykwd correct. No, it's dude. Dude. Sorry. D.U.D. Dude code word dude 33% off Don't just get one pair because if it's $20 or $30 for a pair of headphones 33% off It's gonna be so cheap get five pairs spend 50 bucks. It's a great deal

Every I love that I'm getting a lot of emails and a lot of tweets about people who actually getting these headphones and their great headphones. Mike, non-Mike, different colors, different styles, 33% off, tweakedaudio.com, code word, dude, free shipping, lifetime limited warranty. I don't know how it's lifetime and limited, but whatever. Go ahead, Kelly, what else you got? We've got Amazon.com, so if you go to Amazon,

are you still going to a baby registry? I do. Is that Amazon.com, Fools Lash Robert Kelly? No, if you go to Amazon Baby Registry, type in Robert Kelly, it's the one from New York. And a lot of you fans have bought me, I can't tell you how, I really appreciate it. It really touches my soul that you guys,

a lot of you people have gotten us. Bought and gotten. Did you get the baby one, Monica? Can you shut up and let me get this out? Yeah. I've gotten me and my baby and my wife, a lot of stuff for the kids. So much appreciated to all you guys.

You know who you are. I really appreciate it. It's awesome. Have I gotten one? The baby. Baby monitor, I want you looking for those that will be talking about. Well, this is two big items on the registry right now.

One is the chair. I swear to God, I'll hit this kid right in the head. One is the chair. Just like me interrupts a lot. One is the chair and one is the baby monitor. The baby monitor is like 250. Nobody bought that. And the chair is like three something.

Oh, Jesus. Yeah, so nobody bought that. What's is like three something. Oh Jesus. Yeah, so nobody bought that. Which the swing you're gonna get? I got that. Which one are you getting? I don't know. I got that. There's one that's pretty awesome.

You're a tech guy. Yeah. They put money on it though. Like they can put money towards the door. Like a Kickstarter? Yeah, they don't have to buy it out flat. They can put money towards it. I don't know.

I don't know. I just it's up there. Bob, there's one. I'm gonna show you. There's a really cool swing dude. I already got to swing. I'm done. No, I got it. No, I'm not getting anymore I'm done. I got the swing I got the other swing I got the chair best baby swings I got I got them all I was in here as the baby monitor and the chair that's up there dude I'm gonna buy you some fucking spoons. I got spoons by me spoons. I don't care. I don't give a shit

Go to baby registry on Amazon type in Robertbert kelly new york one but the link on uh... amazon dot com i want to thank jordan crossby uh... jersey zalo etsy i want to thank uh... jesus george p bance dogless meloni hether graves

hether's great thanks for the hats again. Thank you for all the donations to the website. I'm actually going to even Kelly a little money today. No. Yeah, I'm going to pay her a little bit. What? Very little. For what all she does for the show.

And we're actually moving into a new studio in the next month or two. And it's going to be awesome. So all these donations help. Thank you so much. And use the Amazon and the game flight link on our site There you go. We're done with all the promotions. Does she have anything else? No, I think the baby's leaving and I'm sad. Oh, she's taking off. Okay. All right Can I have a cuddle really good hang on one second guys?

Definitely have a kid Yo, I totally fucked pictures guys How was that? Who's the other who has a kid Nate Nate no Eric Rivera Eric Rivera Yeah, it's gonna be like Spanish food. You can have us cook and clean up Yeah, it's gonna be like Spanish, Louis, can you fill me in? Do you know? This lady wrote this blog, uh, talk about how she saw Sam and she was very offended by his jokes.

Where did she see him? Didn't she specify in the article? I thought it was a comedy seller. I don't think she specified in the article. No. Okay, maybe you heard, maybe that is where it was, but she was in an article. Oh, a blog. But I think she's she's someone feel like a somewhat established writer. I think she seems like she's written something that got public City Doyle in the Atlantic. So that's pretty big. You know, is it the ocean? Yes, you get published in the ocean

A minute stop ain't that like a little kid a man, he stopped doing that. Like a little kid. That was a funny fuck off. I'll stand by that one. No, no, no, no. Take this bandana, you fucking wrap it around your kids' throat. So we don't have to possibly live through another one of you. And what was shitty about the joke,

he's got that, she didn't get some of the jokes. And she's making all the same arguments. Sam wrote, and the thing is she wrote to him, asking him to respond why he writes so many jokes like that. And then he didn't get back to her soon enough and she published the article before he had a chance to respond. Well, the first though, she emailed him saying, Hey, I saw you to show the other night. I thought you were really funny. You really stood out from everybody.

I want to interview you. And then Sam was like, Oh, yeah, sure. Of course. And then she sent him a bunch of, uh, rape statistics. No, I think she was going to do that and then she didn't do that. Or, but statistics now i think she was gonna do that and she didn't do that or but he found out that she was actually trying to set them up she did she was she was saying like she thought she was gonna set them up she was going to say here's all these rape statistics

want you to show me how these are funny and the whole the articles like how like right she is for like not trapping him and just being straight up about even though she says how she would have trapped him and then the rest of its like instead she wrote him why do you write so many rape jokes and i think that's who's like instead she wrote him why do you write so many rape jokes? I think that's who's backing her up? What comics are on her side? Oh, that one motherfucker. What's his name? Janus. No, no, no, Janus is on he's on he's on he's on

No, he's on her side. He's on Samson. That's what I mean. Yeah. Yeah. No, Jamie Kilsene. Who's that? Who's that? He's a very political comedian. He's not a local micor is he? No, he's not. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no There was some chick. I don't even say her name, because I want to get in. I'm not gonna give a fuck. No, I don't want to give her a 20-fold list of the code. Libby, you're in a cult. I've seen her here. I think she's from here. Yeah, she's in New York, I think.

Maybe she was originally from LA. Well, what bothers me? Bring these, I want to bring these faces up. Let me see these faces, Kelly. Libby, I just love that at the end of the article. She's like, to date, we have received no response from San Marl. So I tweeted to this girl going actually he did it yesterday

You just have an updated here's the link fuck you if you want to do your shitty little journalism like Sam hasn't responded Isn't that that's what why are we acting like journalism isn't that anyways most of journalism is horse shit Yeah, is is it you understand? I'm I'm I know who this broad is. I should never know who this girl is. Ever. Yeah. But I shouldn't even know who she is.

But now I do. That's her. All right, we all know who she is. Because. She's not a journalist. A journalist, you know, brings down bloody Nixon. No, I'm gonna pull a blog. I'll even give them.

Be a journalist. You're a blogger. You're a journalist. Let's say for the sake of argument she is, I don't give a fuck, go right bad reviews all you want. When comics come out against other comics, you should not be able to call yourself a comedian if you're going to go, I want to know what you just said isn't fucking funny. If you're trying to be funny, it's what Monroe said before, it's like no matter what it is, if it's coming from a funny place. That's that shit, yeah, that's she was a good shit. Stop, stop, what is she doing? She used to use on our show. She was on a gave you that view that time. Yeah, yeah What is she what is she doing? She's writing for stuff. I know

I wasn't having a baby I'd have extra cash to smash this to smash this iPad over your head Kelly I want to know what's her fault. What side is she? I don't know. I haven't read a Twitter. Because she came up for something. Oh, no, no, no. Is this her? Yeah, that's the check.

But that's not the checker wrote the article. But you go wrote the articles are pretty well known blogger named Sadie Doyle. Yeah, that's her right there. Sadie Doyle. Yeah, that's her. And so this girl is, you understand that she wrote this for the exact thing that she's got.

She's setting him up to get this. She's not doing this for a righteous reason. I mean, there might be, I can't say that, in her own brain. Look, crazy, crazy. Crazy people don't know that crazy. They don't know that they're wrong. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, I don't think it's, I think part of it she knows that like, if people start arguing about you get something That's my friend called it the industry of indignation where they just want to get people upset Right and that gets people going to the link to me. Do me a bunch of followers. Do me a quick favor explain indignation to me. You can't even say the word. I corrected yourself.

I added me at the end. I was just gonna be you, but then I realized I couldn't say indignation. I can't even say Florentapist. Oh, God. Can I just say I love Janus right now? Just look at him smashing this chick on Twitter. He's fucking amazing. Yeah, but she's such a bitchy.

Clark Saku was supposed to be on the show today. I'm glad he has time to tweet. Go ahead. Well, the real thing that upset me and Sam, Sam's response was really well written and well measured. But what she missed the point of one of his jokes his closer is that you know his closer is this joke where he goes I was hooked up with this black girl and it was really uncomfortable. I was in bed with her because she's kept using she kept using the N word No

And so everyone laughs and his point at the point of the joke even says this the last the way tags is like It's like everyone gets a relief that it they relieve that it was a rape instead of saying the actual and word so that shows how silly political correctness is because it would actually be less horrible if he said that so that's why I wanted the joke but yeah but that does this but there are people like rape or you know a racist joke neither one of them are funny it's not the point of the joke you can't just that's that's why i hate about political correctness is that it's like

instead of thinking things and processing what is actually trying to say with the joke they're saying this that said you say this and it is wrong no it's not that you should have to think you should have to fucking think for yourself it's a race joke it's not a right joke no it's not that it's a joke no see you didn't get it it's not about that that. No, it's not that it's a joke. No, see even you didn't get it. It's not about that Politico It's about it's about let's say it's a commentary on the audience and how they see things

Kelly I am rape or black people Kelly I have a joke in my act where I say like when I the first time I got to look at a woman when I come inside or and I say I fucked up by far, you know women I got to look in a woman's eyes and not see anger or anxiety while I was coming. Yeah. Like in fear. And I go, are you coming? I fucked up, I fucked up.

I go, I'll help you pay for it. I'll help you pay for it. And immediately, it depends on the crowd, but some crowds will go, oh, and I'm like, that's not an abortion joke. I meant pay for it forever. Like raise it. I, that's not an abortion joke. I meant pay for it forever. Like raise it. I, you made it an abortion joke.

It was funny. You're not an abortion joke. That was an abortion joke too. Yeah, but here's the thing though, is that it can be if that's what you make it, but it might not be. You know, it doesn't have to be. Well, that's what I'm saying. If, if a joke's like that, where there's like the audience has to make it up in

their mind that's one thing and that's the point you make that's no that's it no that's a different his sands joke is specific he says with the jokes about they should know better it's not it's not like that because your joke is subjective someone could take it one way they could take it another way his joke is not about a rape or race it's about politically correctness it's about taking the audience's perception of what's really offensive.

The whole idea of word, or the rape. You know what I mean? This is what a lot of these comics talk about with like, rapist. Hang on, this is another joke I have in my act that I'm kidding. There's like trigger words. When you say the word rape,

if there's a rapist in the crowd, it's gonna trigger this emotional response from her or him and a victim. Right, the victim. So the idea is idea is someone's going to start raping Well, that's kind of what a lot of the dark circles are about That's what they're about. It's rape culture That's what it is that there's like it's there's this rape culture and even these small things like just joking about it Contributes to a larger feeling of society that rape is okay, which I don't necessarily know if that's I don't I don't think that's true

feeling society that rapes okay which i don't necessarily know if that's i don't i don't think that's true necessarily i don't know i just don't think uh... i don't know the thing is really offensive jokes don't work people don't laugh at them you can't tell them over note because they know they won't fucking work if it closes on this joke people laugh at it because they fucking get it unlike her she didn't get the joke right and maybe what she saying is but they can't get the joke as they just turn off off the hear that but fuck them they should think and that she

used her power what how whatever type of power she had to set him up and to use him to uh... get her fucking voice out there and now she does because now everybody's trying to stick up for sam and stick up for you know freedom of speech and you know comics right to make something funny that's terrible or a topic that's fucked up. And now we're fighting now everybody.

We are just people. Now people, now she's actually becoming way more popular on the bad side and the good side. She not many people actually following her or finding out who she is and believing in that shit. But someone, it's kind of, because we're all comedians, so we know there's this big backlash against her.

Oh, Kelly. But, but, there's a big thing for her too. I'm sure there are a lot of people supporting her. Yeah, that sounds like an asshole though. When you were to tweets back, the way she's like, he thought he could ignore me, he was wrong. Ah, shut up. So dramatic.

Yeah, but here's a girl though who's doing this not in person or on a show live face to face, which she would be buried. Yeah, she wouldn't be able to deal with that Her rage or her respect issue or whatever fucked up thing she has would come out She can fine-tune a hundred and forty characters fine-tune and pick and reading go nice and say and have some What do you think and have all this perfect little paragraph and sentences to make her look, you know walk that line, but in live in person if she sat with Sam or Yannis or any of us, she would fuck I guarantee she does. Well it's not her job. I mean

we are we write and we speak, you know, but it's not our job, she couldn't even she couldn't of course she couldn't she doesn't have our skillsets, but it's not even that it's that it's it's not our job, just even she couldn't of course she couldn't she doesn't have our skill sets But it's not even that it's that it's it's it's not coming from a real place We don't we're not radio people, but if I put you in you can you we're honest people That's where we come from is what we really think how we were how terrible awful it is usually about ourselves I do think I think it's like you're saying though I think like part of it was she was trying to get people she's like Calculated this will get people paying attention, but I think she believes what she wrote, I think she actually believes that shit, which I think is kind of, I don't know.

How do you go to a comedy show? And I mean like, you know when you tell, you know when you're doing your act and they laugh at some fucked up shit, and then you say something fucked up, it's on par with the rest of this shit and they go, oh, it's like, no, no, no, no, no. How the fuck? How did you laugh at this? But now you all will fuck you. Yeah, like the odds I hate the most are also the ones that were just like something sad about my own life and they pity me.

Yeah, that makes me so mad. I've gotten late in the year. Oh, it's a four pathetic man. Well, I would've felt fine about it if you fucking laughed at make an horrible sound. Yeah, but you don't agree with the point that you don't think comics should be able to ever publicly come out against another comic. Sure, of course they should.

That's free speech. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, definitely. This isn't free speech. Free speech is a fucking political thing. We're doing it with a freedom of free speech. That is given to you by the fucking government so you can't go to jail for writing or saying some shit.

Okay. This isn't free speech. Just like me saying, I don't like your shirt. And then you go, oh fuck you buddy. I didn't have the right to say I don't like your shirt. It's not as nothing to do with free speech. Louis, you want to quote him on comment? As a hang on, I like smart dumb Louis. Keep going. As a fucking comment.

Write that down, fucking. And up to Patria said it best when he was talking about when he was on that news program talking about Kramer. He was like, if it's coming from a fucking funny place if they're every every joke Every joke whether it's good or bad is always coming from the same place Which is trying to be funny trying to look for something funny and whether it no matter how horrible it is If the end result happens to be funnier when Louis CK does it versus when Monroe or myself or you whoever does it It doesn't really matter. Why should you stifle that ever and why should a comic come out and point their fucking finger at another comic and say you

Don't have the right to do that because because That's not exactly what he said. It's not where the place it came from. It's the end result It's not it's that it has to be funny. That is the rule. There's not there's the only thing is funny You're not funny. That's it and I think yeah But something every joke every joke that you say always come out and get a big laugh Are you working your jokes every joke? Why do you think I have it on Dude, it's a process for

That is I know I saw right I see what you're saying that the problem with these blogs is we are kind of workshop every time We perform a kind of workshop. It's not really a final thing unless you're recording an album or making a special or doing a TV thing So maybe it's kind of lame for them to comment on it while it's in in the middle of the process That means that means you all the time You've never done any of those Doors should pal when you see that video should pal at the laugh factory when he's like he's like every time on this age I can't keep on thinking about Kramer Yeah, and he's like you know there's 20% of me that's black. That's like. Oh, what do you say?

Do you see me? What are you kidding? But in the other 80% of the mccommack who's like ah god damn it Kramer You lose in the crowd? Yeah, more comics than black I heard I heard that that the person he was talking to was a comic and he was fucking heckling I'm and getting them good comic though. That's what I heard. That that person was a comic and they were really getting them open micro comic getting them getting them good. No, I don't think it was I don't I don't even know if they will. Oh the comic was not a comic with a place.

They were fucking with them yelling shit at him or something like that. That's what I heard. It was on ONA last week with you know uh Paul Mooney got douged from you got fired but they canceled his Sunday show and people 30 people walked out on a Saturday show what happened because he uh told it like it was with the joke because I was I get the thumbnail I was his opener and who's open to win Paul Mooney so what, so what is it? And the joke was it wasn't a joke about White people it was a joke about America He said America glorifies these kids and make some famous for 15 minutes and then expects this behavior not to happen again

These kids is want to be famous, so yeah, so somebody you talk about the bottom marathon that watching marathon Yeah, so when it was published Somebody said that he said white people deserved it and it had this coming. That's not what he said, you know, oh wow Even if he did say that you couldn't say that because you were in Malcolm X glasses You need to fucking represent You have fucking beads on your wrist wrist he's my prayer be I know awesome lock-up leg Omega listen

so he didn't really he didn't say look but but here's a deal though it's paul mooney it's not like you it's not you're gonna it's not Brian but it's not Brian reagan it's paul mooney he that's what he does he fucking he talks about race he does. He fucking he talks about race

He talks about white people he talks about You know political shit. So why would you be offended if something like that came out of his mouth? But the thing is a lot of people that weekend didn't know Yeah, no, they were coming home. Actually, that's how it was he it's 89% white people yeah, and they don't really like they're like the suburban people right? It's right outside of New York City. No, you went to that club. You should know it You want to sit down sit down. Yeah, and they don't have anything better to do so on a Saturday night I just want to say it's a two day night at levity live. It's always packed and it's a 350 seat a fucking place

Because they have nothing else to do. So when Paul Mooney comes into town, like, oh, I've heard of that guy. He was on Chappelle Show, right? You can 80% white crowd not realizing that you're getting truthfully hateful shit. Well, that's a way better show. I mean, so much more fun watching a comedian like that perform not in front of their crowd. No, yeah, that was great, right?

It was a good, no, it was fun. He did two hours each show. Two hours every show. And he, but here's the deal, he's gonna be offensive. People gonna walk out there. People walked out on a special. Yeah, they walked out on a special and he recorded it. To be honest, the only people that walked out

were the ones from Boston and police. Those were the people who like, the cops from that area. Black guys enemy. The cops on that area, they stood. Yeah, the cops on that area. They stood up and they tried to protest. Yeah, they tried to what protest. They really was like, oh, I'd be taking off stage now. That's scary to me. Like in the white of the show, they heard that he went into the game. The middle of the show. Oh, well, I'm standing like that. Yeah. What what what hacky 15 did you do?

Why people crazy girls and nuts women be shopping women be shopping I did my best of They do shop No, I'm just sat down the host of the Comedy seller podcast that everybody loves, by the way. It's my favorite podcast. It's my favorite podcast. It's fucking stupid, a lot of people like it.

It's bugging me that he might supersede me like my network. I might pull the plug on that podcast, right? Why? I'm gonna talk to you about that. I can't take the stress anymore. What stress? You just turn the mic on the top.

The kind of my Caroline's first. Yeah. Is it become like a strictly black club now? Not at all. Why'd you look at me? I looked around the table. You just strictly black. You just spent three more seconds on your face

to make it up. I mean, not strictly, but 80, 85% black. I don't know, I don't like that. You mean the audience, oh, the headline blacks that they bring in, you're saying? And the audience, I went to the non-headlining show, the 930 show or something on Sunday. There were 17 people and the audience I want I want to the non headlining show the 930 show or something on Sunday there were 17 people in the audience to see like oh actually this guy Gary Veter do you

know this guy I know pretty funny I have really funny he was pretty funny I don't like the you have to say it just say funny I'll tell you why because it came a very very low energy to a very very small room yeah so it's it wasn't it wasn't the greatest But he sticks to that timing, right? Isn't that the best part? Exactly But he dug in and it eventually won me over and some of the material is really funny so but anyway the but the but the lineup in general was was mild and There was nobody there and this is the vaunted carol lines and then before that I don't know.

What Rollins had a sold out show. And then I know. I mean, I've been there for a couple of times. I've heard it's very touristy as far as who they're drawing. And it can make the crowds. I haven't been there in a long time. I moved to Gotham. You know, I moved to Gotham and I've been playing there

for three years now. So I went from carolines to comics back to carolines and then to Gotham and I've been playing there for three years now. So I went from Caroline's to comics back to Caroline's and then to Gotham. And I mean, I like Caroline's. I use, you know, it gets a little crazy on weekends. Like, you know, I think the last time I was there, I almost got into it. But a lot of, it was a lot of own A fan show, a lot of white people show up. It depends on who's there. But I'm not a black Helleners do go there, but that's because they sell out quicker.

Like usually they use local New York black comics who already have a following who can pack it out like that. Like talent and I also think if you look at any of the headlining clubs around the country you'll find out a probably maybe have brought more than half a black ex. Like black ex sell rooms out. Yeah, because I don't see them agathaum and like two out of the five. Cause it's two Italians, they're racist. They're fucking good.

They're actually good men. I don't see them, I don't see them at the seller. That's about cause you fucking, a fine Jew owns that place. Two out of the five like video placards were like written in like spray paint font, you know, that's just the black kids going by spray Obviously very like like urban urban like you might just caught them on an urban week I've been by there and it's just all white guys of one black guy

Yeah, you might have just caught them on earth and you know what? It's the summertime too and headline clubs book a lot of black guys because they can pack it out You know you see a lot, you know, they can there look I always say this I wish I had a people I'm a white guy. I'm the worst It's the black guys have black crowds gay people gay guys and and women have gay people and women white guys We don't have a people they don't show up A niche yeah like like like a season and people wrestle They have Asians will just fucking pack the place out not to say that they're not funny

But they're funny and they have a people is In sorry isn't funny. I said not to say that right that down. Yeah, I'm right it down. I'm recording I got to write it down. What do you think we're in the fucking? 19-1 fucking asshole chisel that down Kelly just clip this bit I'm a part of that. I was just a right-of-dap. What do you think we're in the fucking... It's a name of the hot-dash. 19-01 fucking asshole. Chisel that down, Kelly. Just clip this bit. You guys are one for one.

Kelly, make a painting on the wall that looks like Bobby. Choking an Indian boy. I went because we had a bad set at the underground last weekend. Why? Norton didn't like the room. Why? I don't know. And it went through me like a knife, you know, I don't know. So I went to Caroline.

It was so good. I know. So I went to Caroline's and first of all, it looks really run down in there. There's wires hanging down. Oh, shit. Nums are pulling a bunch of gunner on Caroline's today. I'll tell you, it's been a long time.

He was a long time. I'll tell you what. They can't, no. I know the lighting has no gel It looked like like gynecological lighting. No, it's a real ass dude. Holy shit Amazing Well, I'm just telling you I always loved carolines is room. This is what I saw. Okay listen They don't they don't they have a New York comedy festival there then when they never include us

It's not like they're never include us. It's not like they're. Oh, the layers are coming in. I invite. Can we get Dustin back? I invite this guy. I was named Louis. Is that his name? Louis Miranda. I haven't met him. I'm sure he's very nice. I invited him on our podcast

to discuss this whole comment. He wouldn't come. So, you know, I'm not, I think Caroline's is a great room. I just noticed it looked like it's not being attended to. The have those like diamond wooden diamonds. They were all like dirty. You can see they hadn't been buffed in a while. The TV had a antenna wire hanging down and the lights had no gels.

Was it a square TV? It was, yeah, but the tube, you know? There's rats coming out in the fucking aisles. It's like, how was the food? Oh, the food, don't get me started on the food. Yeah. I was, I had Apple Tardew was good actually. food. Oh, the food don't get me started on the food. I want to know why what the week I was here two weeks ago we with

the village underground the comedy South of the village on the ground was insane. It was unbelievable. And how did you go from oh my god to I'm going to shut it down in one week. You know, I didn't change anything. It may have just been an off night. How did everybody do it? No one made me had a bad set. We all do that.

He did Friday and say, he did pretty well on Friday and Saturday. He did a ride on Saturday too. He just, it wasn't the seller. And, but it really hurt me, like, you know, to see him walk out mad I felt like I let him down in some way. Oh, we've always done that. I mean he's done it I've done it. We've all walked out of like what the fuck? I mean, it's it's not you

I don't think I still talk to him. No, I was afraid but I still think there's more I got to do what did you do? What are you afraid of? What was in your power afraid is the wrong word I don't want to if if I talk to him, it's like putting him on the spot. He doesn't want to play there, and that's fine. I'm not going to try to pressure him to play there. I disappointed that he wasn't,

that it wasn't a great set or that he didn't find the room very hospitable and want to play there. Did you listen back to his set? Maybe it wasn't the room. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. So that kind of depressed me. Who else was on the show? Did you put Rich Valls? He did pretty well. You put Rich on the show? He did well. Really? He'd be a great host.

What, who? Tom Papa. He's bulldozing. Where did you put him, Norton? Third, I think. Who after who? I don't remember. Well, that's important who goes on before him in that room. Yeah, SD book. I don't I don't mean seriously.

You can't put someone who's gonna go up and just step on the gas. And I think Norton was right after John Joseph. John Joseph. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, seriously, who was on? Well, look, man, it's a hard gig. Like you put, you know, that that's a joke. No, seriously, who was on? Well look man, it's a hard gig.

Like you put, you know, that's a, you know, like when I was on the first night, you had low energy, low energy, then career, go up and fucking annihilate, and then I had to go up after career. I'm your killer. Yeah, but here's the deal. It's not, it's hard, it's still like,

what the fuck, it's a lopsided, it's a lopsided in your brain mentally. If I had let that get, I would have like, fuck me. It could have affected me. And I would have been like, you know what, fuck this. You need to put that show together. It's not the seller. You gotta learn how to put that show together.

Yeah, can I just tell you though, the thing with Greer is actually in your head with some other, sometimes it's true. Like you don't want to put i want to say the names but i get on sd sometimes like listen this guy could be low energy and then another low energy i would never get a dig ourselves out of the whole but i think with grier

he's just a powerhouse and a lot of people feel like following that power houses a bad spot i personally think that it doesn't psych and act out it's a great spot it's all good enough ready to laugh they'll looped up no although I'm telling you that followed Greer and Tom killed although I did the MC did too much time after Greer which annoyed me I felt he should have

just got it was it Paul McCurrier who was a good MC but he he tried to he tried to grab some of that who after glow from Greer's yeah letting time have it who who are they coming sometimes it Clint it helps to do a little time after someone like really kills it you know it wouldn't it didn't know it wasn't gonna help I don't I don't not not after I don't think so I want to know though who went on before Norton you got to know it was I can find it it was either it might have just you know it might have been boss right it must have been Voss. Right. Well, it must have been, yeah. Well, that's what it is. You know, Voss is very, you know,

he'll go into the crowd and come back. And that might be, that's, no one's a joke. I mean, he's, he's an honest joke writer. He's like a storyteller of performance, but they're jokes, you know what I mean? They're well written jokes. So, you know, you can't, you know,

sometimes when a guy goes into the crowd and gets them all r right up and in that mood Then you put him up. They're not you they're not listening in either way. They want to be picked on They want they want the excitement again. Just you know Norton did well We were all laughing and everybody around me was laughing right. Yeah, it just wasn't I think what he's I think this is what I think It is a guy he's very very successful. Yeah, he doesn't need to be doing it. What, from his point of view, he's like, why the fuck should I go do time anywhere, except where I'm extremely comfortable? And I respect that.

He's a seller who's small, he's comfortable there, he's a fish and water there. Why the fuck do I want to go around to this big room with the underground? I don't need it. I'm doing it, you know, I'm trying to be nice to know I'm, I gave it a shot, it wasn't for me. And that's why I'm not going to approach it.

I think he's right. I don't look, I agree too. But also I think that, you know, Norton can sell out a room like that too. I mean, if you put Norton there just no one would be different than he would kill. Yeah. I hope he understands that different. That would be his crowd. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. But anyways, we were talking about this thing. We can totally got sidetracked. But this girl, Sam Morrell, you know Sam. No, Sam. Girls Samantha Morrell, huh? Sam is a guy. Who's that? Who no Sam girls Samantha Morrell huh Sam was a guy who's who said this girl Sam

Moral's a guy dude I know Girl is I said guy yeah, I didn't say joyleys the girl Sam are all is the coming. No, you didn't hear me I was gonna this girl attack Sam are all Well, it was gonna be said he jumped on me I'm a real. Uh-huh. Well, it was gonna be said. He jumped on me. I like the fragment things.

Five English speakers all took it the wrong way. It's all up all. Five. Yeah. Five. I'll take four. I'll take three. I'll even take four.

So Kelly explained to him what happened really quickly. Okay, so basically, faster woman. This woman who's like a journalist, dig for so so Kelly explained him what happened really quickly basically um faster woman this uh more than who's like a journalist could have been downstairs when I'm sure and he has a joke it's about rape slash race whatever she wrote a big article about it about how he's terrible and awful the joke uh the joke is you tell the joke it was too joke don't even try to get Kelly to tell the joke right now it was jokes, but one of them was it's he says he's dating this black girl and she says he took her to bed and It was it was

My act I don't know I've been appointed 545 Then his black girl yeah, it took her to bed. It did his black or take her to bed. And it was awkward in bed with her because she kept using the N word. No. And that's the closer, right? So everyone thinks she's gonna say the N word. And that's all that. Nothing's wrong with that.

When she took offense to it. And she tried to set him up. Where's the offense? Well, she tried, what do you tell us? She thinks in any kind of joke where rape rape is okay or rape is the punch line is Offensive, so she sent him a big email with like rape statistics and do you think this is okay? Do you think you can do that? She didn't do it. You got to read the letter She was thinking about doing that and then she didn't do it. Yeah, she puts it in the article though

This is how this is how shit gets fucked up. It's the process. How everything gets getting a telephone Yeah, yeah they are really is and then we'll see this keeps happening though with people keep reporting back about comedy and the specific about rapes she went she went to big blog about it and she's from LA correct uh... well she's no need to come here sick is from my the

she's she's from here she's based here she's based here she's a she's an actor writer slash comic the bloggers the bloggers the jr. She's based here. She's based here. New she's a she's an actor writer slash comic She's a Journal we were talking about other comics that were coming out in support of that Who I who's the girl that suppose the comics that are supporting her? Was the one Jay Jamie Kielstein and I think you Scott came out for for her which by the way I'm friends with Jamie, so I'm not gonna shit on But be a man. Says, says, I barely come.

I mean, I'm all on same side. Yeah, be a real ass dude, like, no, I'm telling you, are you a real ass friend with Jamie? He's in the fucking MMA scene and the comedy scene as well. And he's sticking up for this girl. This is the guy, you remember, he went on to Rogan's podcast and headed out with Rogan because he went against Tosh when Tosh made the rape joke. That was like a big thing that he had done. You know, TV, he went on TV.

What did Rogan TV is? He went against Rogan. You're Rogan, Porman, Asshole, dude. Go watch it, it's amazing. I would never go against Rogan. Can I just say, though? Even if I walked in, he was with my wife watching TV with my child on his flat stomach.

I'm like, hey guys, what's going on, Joe? What was Tasha's rape joke again? Tasha's rape joke. I got interrupted. He was doing a joke, not about rape. And I was like, that's not funny. You're not funny, that's not funny. And he was like, you know what?

I hate you, yeah. He's like, I hate you, you interrupted. Wouldn't be funny if five guys is raped right now. I don't think that's how it happened again. I think so, you get it wrong. I'm telling you. He's like, I hate you. You do rock to it. Wouldn't be funny if five guys is right to you right now. I don't think that's how it happened again. I think so. You get it wrong. I'm telling you. I am.

Can I stop? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Kelly. Kelly. First of all, don't ever yell at our guests. I just want to point out to Mr. Kelly that there. The reason?

Oh, yeah, there you go. I just like to point out that he said that's not in the article. More accent. The word percent and the symbol full percent not in the article more accent man girl man Kelly right now the word percent and the symbol for percent she was thinking about doing that and then she didn't call it a little here isn't it she post what what she emailed to Sam yeah and that's not it's it's no I have questions for you what is with the rape joke and on every paragraph is that's the email that she sent him oh I thought you were saying that she

was no you said she would send all these she sent him all these rapes and sex and how are these funny yeah that she was no you said she would send all these she sent him all these rapes and say now are these funny Yeah, she was the idea was gonna list a bunch of rapes and she said keep put these in order With how funny they are which I would have been hilarious to completely do that But here's the thing and all goes down to this you ready that Somebody and now anybody can sit in the crowd you understand Every show you do I believe if you're a good comic there's 10% of the people that are liking you that there's a percentage of the crowd that's like I don't like him not the soda you know you know of course he's neutral Dan that's why he's fucking flying

through this business MTV gives him everything we can we can put coke right on his chest you better verify him because on the people, we're tending to be him on Twitter quick. Oh my God. So what I'm saying is though, is that now with the technology that any this person, you wouldn't be able to know who these people are back in the day. If they went to a comedy show, they had to just go home and take it and tell a friend. And then it would die.

It would go away. Now with blogging didn't exist 20 years ago, you had to fucking go to journalism school and write stuff and and and hand it into a paper and maybe somewhere you'll you'll have your shit seen by people maybe. But now the average asshole can just put a blog up and it can become popular because we're a bunch of bored fuckheads with these magic machines in our hands and we can't get enough information to do on the train.

So I'll listen to 19 podcasts and check out blogs and look at all these fucking apps and she wouldn't even exist. But we're given to the power by fucking... Talking about it. Talking about it. ...on Twitter going back. Fuck her. Who cares.

If everybody just read this bitch's shit and let it die, where would she be? She'd be right where she was before with the same amount of followers reading her horse shit. Because in a way, it does feed into the comedians' rights. I gotta hit the applause button, because that was beautiful. Yeah. Okay, go ahead.

I'll say, because in a way, it also feeds into the comedian's righteous way he views himself. Everyone wants to be Lenny Bruce, you know what I mean? And no one gets to do that. I do that. Really? You don't want to be an icon? I don't want to be a fucking lunatic just reading transcripts.

And then the cops, I know, bunch of bored jazz fucking players. I'm saying 99% of all comedians alive right now are going to be forgotten by history, but he won't be. And I'm saying everyone, everyone, every comedians like this because we all want to pretend like we have this higher calling, we're doing this bigger thing and it's cool to be able to defend this. Like, oh, see people are trying to stop freedom of speech and we're doing this bigger stuff. And his jokes, I mean, he's right about the joke.

It makes a good point and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. It excites us that someone's paying attention to us as well. on this bigger stuff and his jokes, I mean, he's right about the joke, it makes a good point and stuff like that, but you know, you know. It's exciting to us that someone's paying attention to us as well. We're gonna have to deal with people like this having a voice because it's out there, technology. You're gonna have to deal with the fucking girl in the front row texting while you're,

you spent five minutes to get to this punchline, you're about to lay it down, everybody's with you, except that one broad whose boyfriend texted her right in the middle and now she's telling you're gonna have to deal with that. That's, you're not gonna put out all these fires. It's just not gonna happen. It's the same reason we have the ability to do podcasts

with 50,000 listeners or have 50,000 Twitter followers. So you know what Google Glass is? You know the fact that with Google Glasses, you know how much of your material and things are gonna, you're gonna be on the train anywhere. Famous people or comedians or musicians, you're not gonna know anymore. They're worried, I was on a train with this girl,

she had Google Glasses on. Really? And she's literally tapping her thing. I'm like, this bitch is taking photos and videos of us all right now and nobody knew She so you could be on stage. There's no flat. It's just Boom touch taking your act that you're working on or Maybe you're trying to work out a bit and it's a little fucked up or a little racist or edgy

And you'll never know and then it's on YouTube and you're fucked So can ask question first of all please was was Sam YouTube and you're fucked. So can I ask question? First of all, please. Was Sam, when you told me the joke that Sam told, I didn't take it as a rape joke. I mean, maybe she said no and he didn't get to have sex with her. Like, he took her to bed the way he said it. Oh no, he raped her. The point of the joke is that, the point of the joke is that,

he's a misdirect saying that like everyone thinks he's gonna say the N word and said she says no. So people laugh because they're relieved that she was getting raped instead of, she's saying the N word. said she says no so people laugh because they're relieved I guess she was getting raped instead of she's saying the N word oh no I didn't take I just laughed like that she that she just turned them down like you took it to bed and she wouldn't she wouldn't screw I know he's having sex with her in the joke I see so I was really innocent thinking no so because that's it's a relevant to the joke the whole point of the joke is you think is going to be the N word and she says no he could he could crap that joke without the rape in you know it's still be funny he could find a way to do it without a line that no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Some people aren't relieved either way. Some people like that would have been bad if he said the

N word or as black people say nigger or black people say nigger. I know that. That's why I said that. I'm just happy. I'm just happy it wasn't a like or getting raped. I know. I'm okay. You guys in the expert, you have the skill set right? I heard that. I chuckled in the back. I love. You guys in the expert you have the skill set right I heard that I chuckled in the back I brought a girl home and it was really frustrating cuz she kept you she kept using the N word a black girl a black girl Home is really fresh because she kept using word she kept saying no

What I still think it doesn't matter that Well dude I got a pass from Moro Like golf I got a pass You own too much stuff You're not allowed to say it Yeah, once you own three properties You got to give your own work

And anyway, so And is this girl getting any traction with this thing about Samarol? Yeah, it's good for his career in a way too, right? Yeah, yeah, both It both hard to say it's a sublimate proportion of the current mad skirt is one of my favorite things in the world is him going to battle on his facebook with these people yeah right i mean you guys have a great podcast about

what's it called uh... so i'm the ass so i saw him the asshole where they actually talk to these people and they bring up these topics and he'll go at it. I mean, it's interesting because there's nothing without this girl, without Twitter, without Colin Quinn, without Kurt Metzger, without these podcasts, there's nothing to do on the internet.

You've done it all. You went here, you went there. Now what? We need now what? And that's what this shit is It's now what now I'm gonna look at this for the next the you know the Boston bombing now what no the three girls just oh now No, okay great now what you understand it's it's It that's what this is and now we're all given at this thing She's gonna become popular. She's gonna get, because she thinks she's right.

Well, I think she's... I don't believe it. You think she, you think false indigestion. I think crazy people don't know they're crazy. Maybe. I think seriously. I'm proud of herself. We read it Twitter.

She's like, see what I did. Like you read it as a tone there. You're like, oh, shut up. I mean, she thinks she's right. Like this girl who was testifying with tears and rise about the fact that Obamacare wasn't gonna pay for her birth control or something like that i mean what she but

no you remember that whole thing like who who all these years whoever thought that birth control is something that that you know is hard to afford right and she is with tears and rise the government is going to take away my birth control i don't get to really think they're right i don't know well the thing about the attention sorry the thing about the girl that's writing it now She has to keep up those type of articles now. Oh, can I say something real quick to everybody who listening? Monroe's black

Sound white Right, you did a little bit, but that's because the owner of the comedy cell is in you're trying to Yes, so let me, no. But no, she has to keep up those type of articles now. She has to constantly do that to keep the audience, she just gains. Well, I think she was already doing stuff like that. I think she's like a kind of a feminist writer, I think that's what she does.

I fucking hate feminists. So no one was reading her block then. Why do you hate feminists? I just hate anybody with that much of an agenda period. Just like if you're super liberal, you're super fucking right-wing, if you an agenda period just like if you're if you're super liberal If you're super fucking right-wing if you're a libertarian if you're fucking a feminist if you're a fucking activist Just I don't know about really conservative. I hate you I mean, no, but no

Right-wing yeah, but you really have an agenda does that does that make you pick and choose who your friends are or he would fucking? Yeah, I don't think that's true at all No,, no, I really don't anybody who will like for example like Somebody will block you from Twitter because you may make a joke like that an ex-girlfriend who deleting me from Facebook Because like I made some dumb joke and I was like really you actually care you're that much of a feminist was a joke my ex-girlfriend's pussy's so big And I was like, really, you actually care, you're that much of a feminist. Was it joke, my ex-girlfriend's pussy's so big. It was the first girl I ever went down on, actually. Ah, man, that's romantic.

No, you're anti-Semitic by all accounts that I have under the density. Yeah, but I don't have an agenda real big. No, dude, what do you mean, all the effort? She's blocked it for Facebook. You're them putting effort, that's crazy. Like, I just don't want to see this guy's stupid shit anymore. That's not a big thing.

And also, it's like, anybody... This girl's hijacking feminism. Yeah, there should be equal rights for men and women. That's an a big thing. And also it's like, this girl's hijacking feminism. Yeah. There should be equal rights for men and women. That's an issue. That's a problem. But saying that Sam Rell telling jokes is the problem, big problem with feminism is that's the problem of the article.

That's good point. That's not the issue. Go out and fucking do something. If you want, if you really are an activist, but go do something. Don't go to a comedy show and then try to fucking Rooney Young comedian's career. Technically, technically she is doing something something that was her goal to fucking yeah, but you could you she could have just blocked him She could have just said you know what I don't like this comment by a city and she could have said you know

What I don't want a fan of your block whatever said whatever and just blocked them and move on like I I block people I block people all the time well But she I don't know I'm not gonna write a letter to them and tell them why and how they fucking I didn't like what they did. She also got mad at him because when she sent him that email. At first, she was like, hey Sam, I saw you sent, can I ask you some questions? And he wrote back, of course. Shoot, what have you got?

And then she wrote the big email. He didn't respond straight away. He waited like two or three days. And that's when she got mad because she was like, oh, you think he can silence me? Well, you can't. And she does silence. That's crazy talk, right? That's crazy talk. You read her tweets. She's like, he thought he could silence me. He was wrong. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. A lot of pictures of cats on a Facebook page. This is her that you abandoned the joke. No, no no he's still telling it's a really

absolutely a lot it's a really great joke it's fun it's a lot of it yeah it that's crazy talk man that's crazy talk i mean when you start you stop when you say certain things like that you think you could silence me that's like going i won't be ignored then

that's what that is and then you're going gonna find a rabbit on your fucking style. He was clearly hoping he could block publication with silence. He was wrong. Why are you reading it in that voice? I'm like in your head. I'm like I have cats and you can't say that and I don't smoke. Get your cigarette smoke away from me. I'm just smoking a face. I think it's like somebody has Sam's number. I want to invite him on the podcast at seven. Yeah, I'll give you a number, sir.

Yeah, I'll give you another. We invited him on our other podcast at 10. So here's a 10. A 10. Tonight? Yeah. Where? Crick in the cave?

Where's that? It's a long island city. Don't worry, don't worry. It's way far away. No, I'm in a 10. It's like, I'm in a 10. We do an hour, so if you- Is it 11th of the city?

Yeah, he has time. It lives in Brooklyn. Listen, so here's the deal you live in the city. Yeah, he has time lives in Brooklyn listen So here's a deal here's a deal. We're gonna wrap I'm not getting I'm on your show tonight. No, I'm not getting paid to be on the show Robert you don't pay me to I'm on your stupid podcast network You say you get a cancel no, let's get ready. He's gonna go to your boss It's a divorce if you if you're a fan of the YKWD and you know listen to Noam's podcast, you're out of your mind. He's like tyrannical I see I swear to God every time I think about cows in the podcast my only fear is rob because I like a way to go don't yell at our guests on the podcast and you got let all that go by

Listen Shut up Listen to me. No, your podcast is the fastest growing podcast on our network. It's unbelievable. People like it. You get to start a scene. Here's the deal though.

You get so stressed out and you get all this anxiety for no reason. You get sit there. Can I tell you the truth? Yes. I want to stay home on Tuesdays with the baby. You're a faggot. No.

That's true. No, my just texted Gary that you thought this was really funny on Sunday. He's like, really, I didn't even know he was there. Listen to me. Can you text? Can you type in a Sam's number? Give it to Louis. Give it to Louis.

Look at him, baby. Give it to Louis. Listen to me. No. What are you talking about? About the podcast? Yeah. It's just stressful.

Scrounding around for guests. I need someone to do around for guests. I need this one. I need someone to book everything for me. What? Book the guest, mix it down, put it online. I just need to walk in. Yeah, I need a little, that's fine. That's fine.

Okay, this is who it is. That's fine. That's fine. Yeah, that's what I use. You got somebody to book it though. Yeah, but she doesn't book the comics. She just books these. She needs somebody to book the comics.

Yeah. I guess I can get S.D. to do Yeah, why don't you do that? Yeah, all right? Yeah, you're paying somebody why can you do that? Yeah, we get somebody to book the comics and then you what you need somebody to mix Just drop it in the drop box. It's good How else you have to do is drop it in the drop box. I do and we're done drop it in the All right, I'll mix and edit and book everybody, but I'm expensive how much How much would I do it a bucket of chicken? Edit and book all the guests 200 bucks a week the fuck you out of your mind. I'm on three fucking podcasts right now. It's a lot of work

No, I'll give you a hundred100 a week. $100 a week? It is. So it makes, because I don't do any editing. He's moving to LA in like a week, so. Oh, it's a lot of work. Mixing takes around 10, 15 minutes. We're gonna figure it out. Listen, you're not quitting the show. We're gonna make it so you just walk in and do the show.

And I've said this to you before, and you've turned me down and said, I don't want it to but that's what you want. That's what you get. All right. Yeah. And then Nathamins, oh whatever, it's not my podcast. We'll talk about it later. If you guys want to carry this conversation on I guess Sam is going to be on the comedy so alive. So go and download that. If you're not a subscriber to that show, it's one of my favorite, if not the favorite podcast I listen to. It's a very interesting, very funny and informative. Every week he has a legitimate guess on what some of the funniest comics in the world on the show. It's around an hour or so, an

hour and a half, sometimes. It's on the Rycast Network, so please go to get the app and go to iTunes and listen to it. You should bring that language guy on your podcast. He's fucking awesome. All right, you just really you stepped on that beautiful fucking end outro. I'm bad at this. I'm bad. Well, God, so anyways, here we go. That was a great show, man. I had a lot of of fun and all the people last week when I did the intro about you know having too many people on the show Look I get it you love the two-hour shows you love when I have a lot of people on I do too I was a little fucking frustrated. I hate when people don't listen when people you know, but it's fine

I love Dan. I love Joe. I love all those guys and but i also love mixing it up we had maro on today who i love uh... lewie cats back on who's fucking i i find you so funny and interesting so smart and my of course lewis shea gomas who surprises me every time that he's actually funny and he's smart to smart he knows what she is and of course kelly for stuka uh... let's go around the room real quick. Kelly, what do you got? Okay, so Kelly for Stuka.com, K-E-L-O-I-F-A-S-T-U-C-A. And come to Foxwoods, and we'll be,

we can get down on a, especially like, if we do like the Saturday maybe, after the NASA show or something, so we can record a podcast with you guys live. Let's do that, buy it, it'd be great. If you guys want, if you guys are coming to Connecticut, so Rhode Island, Massachusetts, and the Hampshire, New York, and even Jersey, if you guys come cop if you guys a com to Connecticut so reyland master chews its in the hamster in new york

and even jerseys guys come down get a hotel room gamble will hang out Thursday friday saturday saturday july twenty seventh twenty eight and twenty nine comics at foxwoods you know what the podcast show luis j go mess kelly for stilkin myself luis what do you got uh... my website to the www dot luis cats comedy dot com it's l o u i s k a t

c comedy dot com just with the w w w n i he did never do that some people are on that one web their own yet uh... uh... web you know that i have a

you know that the internet and the computer now i don't know about all the stuff i'm i think if you're out of house is it going up? Just go up, it's next week. Okay, so next week in Seemeen, Okinawa, if you're in the military there. Are you kidding? No, I'm not kidding, I'll buy.

It's just 1940. You're with Bob Hope in Okinawa. And then we're going to Matt Fuji for the parade. I'll be in Camp Fuji on the Sunday after that. You're going to do it? Yeah, I'm doing it through Daniel Dugara, a comedian out of the Sunday after the end. You are so torn. Yeah, what are you doing? I'm doing it through Daniel Dugar, a comedian out of the Bay Area who books this Okinawa run. I like that. Can I go on it? Yeah, for sure. I don't think he can pay you what he pays me.

I don't know. Why, you get more? Yeah, yeah, sure. You got a baby coming. Don't do anything dangerous. But, so yeah, you can see me in Okinawa next week what next we're in pan we dropped two nooks it's not dangerous the choke on noodles that's about it all that all that north korea something i mean nervous a little bit i've been over there though it's great that's i've been about food you i did that towards unbelievable so i'm looking for that and then and then after that'll be albeit uh... comics it foxwoods with a mocha cacher june six seventh eighth and ninth and the ninth uh... it's just me so come out

and see me the ninth at Foxwood. Go on, you guys support Louis. Go to his show, the 9th. Pack it out, please do. Pack it out. Go, he's hilarious. Can I just send Sam text me back?

He doesn't want to talk about the blog issue yet on podcasts. Why? He just said it too soon. Because he's a repist. I don't know. He said no, no, he's saving it. Someone else is in discussion. He wants to let it settle a little bit.

Does anybody know how I can get in touch with the blogger who wrote about him. Yeah, tweet that city Google Yeah, she in New York. Yes. Thanks. No, I don't believe him. I reckon someone else is talking to him I don't reckon it's fine. It's just a Progative, but he's probably going to Caroline's tonight. Can you contact that blogger for me? See she can get on to that Twitter. Yeah, see she won't we went away here her side I work for no now. Yeah, you should you should do so. I don't know how she doesn't know who you are. I don't I don't tweet I mean, I have a Twitter thing I can do it. I sure you can

I'm saying, Ali would be more of a second directly. I think can can you just tell Tell your publicist to do it. I want to do it right now though. You want to do it right now. It's as we get off the air. I will take care of it. I was going to do it. Okay. Okay, Kelly. Lewis, what are you going to do?

I'm going to do it. Lewis, what are you going to do? You can see me at the North by Northeast Festival, which is a real thing in Toronto. That's real. In Toronto. June 12th or 16th with Dave Smith, Aaron Berg, and a handful of other comics. You know, it's a good fit with it. It's a handful.

I think Jimmy Garovolo's doing anything Judas doing it. Not a show. Awesome. I'm probably on another show. Whatever. How'd you get there? I got booked through.

We stopped trying to fucking afford your career. You got on my show. You're on my show. You're immediately trying to get something better. Who? So yeah, June 12th or 16th in, it's at like five different places. We're performing every night, two So, yeah, June 12th or 16th in, it's at like five different places we're performing, every night two shows a night, June 12th or 16th.

And then obviously come and check out me with Bobby Kelly and Kelly Fistuka, the comics that Foxwood. It's June 27th, 28th, 29th. And, oh wait, go to my new website, realsdo.com. Really? All right, and of course,

we're eye cast people, if you listen to the show, go. Oh, Hammer Fisting. Hammer Fisting, go ahead. What do you got, Monroe? Um, you can just go to my website, www dot just W. W. I don't know how to construct you know, I could not

you couldn't afford the third W. One of the more time with the letter W. I didn't even want to respond to that. Um, Monroe Martin comedy.com. I'm at where that's an easy name to find remember. What is to that Monroe Martin comedy.com. I'm at web that's an easy name to fuck you remember. What is it? Monroe Martin comedy.com. Okay, and I'm at Daniel Webster if you I don't know if you can sneak in Daniel Webster college and Which we call it wherever fuck that is new hamster and creaking the cave. All right, I told it I'm giving away that nothing's been building that exists. You two christler building.

I'll be on the F train after the show. You have fun? Yeah, I had fun. Alright. No, thanks for coming on. It's sitting down with us for a little bit. You can't quit dude. You got too many people that love your show.

Lewis will do it. You got too many. If you get a blogger on that'll be awesome. I want to do this every six months I got to fucking make you come. Why can't you just do this? All right well guys thank you so much for listening this has been in two hours and 20 minutes Jesus Christ. I'm believe it but a great show. Thanks for listening and how much do I owe Lewis? Okay so we have have Robert Kelly at 12. I mean, oh shit Lewis at 13 You fucking get it. Give me a dollar

You swear like three one sentence. He just goes one of the time. Give me a dollar fuckhead Fucking fuckhead like and you go fucking Kelly was great on my podcast by the way Kelly was great Thank you. I appreciate that Don't we're telling lies right now. No, no, she really yeah, yeah, the moon We're gonna sky is purple. We're going back to the moon He was the touch it may just found life on Mars guys 9 11 wasn't an insurgent 11 good times the holocaust happened And even though I was loving it.

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You know what I need I can start thinking, I can start You know what I need I can start thinking, I can start You know what I need I'm just gonna start this heart suddenly You know what I did? Really did, really, really You know what I did?

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