Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Origasmi | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #63

Episode Date: May 20, 2026

CHAPTERS:00:00 - Shane Gillis and The Rock at Kevin Hart’s Netflix Roast 9:06 - Big Jay wrote his own jokes 12:26 - BodyBrain Coffee Creamer and knives 23:09 - Illuminati Brunch for Comedians 32:26 - Joe vs Bobby 36:22 - Being a jerk on a plane (Luis and Joe) 47:05 - Baby Come Black 53:46 - Joe vs Bobby 2 57:43 - Men Don’t Nap 1:02:26 - Real Men Pay 1:05:38 - Tale of Cigars Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder discuss Shane Gillis, Big Jay Oakerson, and The Rock at Kevin Hart’s Netflix roast, Big Jay writing his own jokes, BodyBrain Coffee now has creamer, playing with knives, the Netflix Festival Illuminati brunch for comedians, Joe and Bobby’s beef, being a jerk on a plane, what color of fluid it is, if real men nap and pay, cigar stories, and more! Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital.  LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz/id1700969607 SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/ https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/  https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/  SPONSORS  QuinceFor free shipping on your order 365-day returns go to https://www.Quince.com/REGZ BodyBrain Coffee Use code REGZ20 to get 20% off https://www.BodyBrainCoffee.com/ Rocket MoneyLet Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster at http://RocketMoney.com/REGZ ShopifySupport the show & sign up for your $1/month trial of Shopify. Head to https://www.shopify.com/regz Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Fill her up. You know network. All right, wait, wait. Trying to buy a fucking saving. Are we rolling? Are we rolling? Whiskey for the show. What's up, everybody?

We're back. It's the regs. It's Joe List, Dan Soda, Lewis J. Gomez, and me, Robert Kelly, body brain creamers in the house. Lewis is hot right now. Lewis is hot. And it's the Boston Red Sox versus San Francisco. I just got off a dumb fucking meeting with lawyers and my fucking dumb women. Orders.

Oh, the. The business. Baby, when does the business give you a break? Baby, when does you're in LA, you're hobnob and you're taking drugs at the forum? All the celebrities are happening. What's going on? And you're backing your team. What's up with your team, baby?

We're buying a comedy club, and it's becoming the fucking whole process. I can't wait to have my Kramer moment. Really? I didn't think it was that bad. Can I have the bomb d'am it? Yeah, you can... I wasn't crickets, so I was just making a noise. Oh, no, you were making cricket.

No, crickets is this. This was just... I love it all his noises because his mouth are weird. Play with the instrument you're given. What? We had a nice week together. We had a great week to give. Great week.

Well, hold on. What you guys do? It doesn't matter. Until you ditched me. You fucking ditched me. I got to... I mean... Ding-dong ditched.

I can't tell you. I hope you're kidding. So the last I saw... Hey, you know what? You'll never know. Well, hold on. Do we want to... You've got to be kidding.

I thought we were going to hear about his stupid horseshit. I can't get any more details anyway. I'm just fucking annoyed with my fucking... Team. Say team again. Team. You're the team. Oh, his team. Team Snake.

Who's your team, by the way? Who's on your team? Rebecca and Christine. Wow. Skank Fest team. We're buying the comedy club together. It's called the No Tits, Saggy Tits team. The annoying laughs.

That's good. That is pretty good. All right. That is a great LLC. Annoying laughs? Anoint Lats. Fucking laugh. LLC.

What a great name. Good name. Can I tell you right now my favorite moment of the Kevin Hart roast? Please. Big J. Set was phenomenal. Shane fucking killed. Phenomenal, great. Tony did great.

Pete did great. Everybody did great. Okay. Except in Hitler. Stein. There was some black people that did great too. I was going to get to them. All right.

Cheryl Underwood did great. She did great. What's the dude from plastic? Naim. Naim did great. Naim Ali? Yeah. I did laugh when he did good?

I didn't see it. I did laugh. when he was done and Shane went up and went, we're to take shots of Dave Chappelle like that. He goes, you know, that's a guy that's gonna probably say something. When Shane stopped doing the jokes and started being Shane in between the acts,

he's texting with his team, so we'll stay here. But I wanted to say my favorite moment of the roast. Somebody commented, they said Lewis is on his phone every time. No, he said he's sending some secret shit. I like that. To all of us? Sorry. My favorite moment of the...

Fuck was it. Bobby's gay. I didn't get it. Just Bobby gay. Nah, dude, I know what it is. He's fucking edited on the fly personally with you. I'm not. I get it.

He can't bring it. Now you don't get it. Yeah, but he talked to the most corporate guy. I'm not corporate at all, baby. I'm the most independent right now. I'm not connected to nobody. Just because you get louder. It doesn't mean you're independent.

I don't know what the hell anyone's talking about. Favorite moment with the roast was when the rock came in and I could see you dancing. That wasn't me. a guy that, a gay guy that looked like. No, that was not. I lost my mind. I'm going to tell you, me and Ari, we jumped up. It was right behind you.

Like he was coming to sit on our table. I know. We were like, I know. I saw you in your white jack? Because you, by the way, your guys' red carpet photos, phenomenal. Oh, yeah, we were fun. I didn't see him. I want to see it.

I didn't see any of this. You're pulling up. You can pull it up. It's so funny in the roast because they're like, ladies and gentlemen, one more special guest. Did he come up from the floor? He just appeared. He just appeared and he was drunk with his shiny chin.

Oh, yeah, he looked beautiful. Oh, man, I bet you were really trying to get close to him. I was so pumped. Did you get to meet him? No. Okay, that's what I was asking. I did meet the Rock in high school, though. No, I know the story about you saying the $1,000 shirt.

That's not a thousand dollar shirt. That's not a thousand dollar shirt. I was like, goddamn right, right on it. Fucking asshole. Sorry. He said, I met the Rock in high school. I said, so does mom. Yeah.

I didn't smoke crack, dude. She did heroin. Yeah, well. She did me. the rock she's a crack whore Bobby was right she met the rock in an alleyway not in a five-star hotel definitely not on a bed maybe a mattress I go ahead dude they're so fast with the video of this team yeah no they get into it was there was there any chance that you thought you were gonna finally meet your real dad

the rock no I didn't care about me in the rock I was just pumped in the moment we were drunk having fun just fucking how do you not flip out when the r because him here's a thing when he holds the mic he's awesome awesome when he had to go to the little microphone, not as good. Great point. When he gets the, when he had the mic, it was like, when he came out, I was at my house like, there's a fucking rock.

Because I didn't think he was coming. And he hit the, finally. I was like, dude, let's go. It was great. And then it was too long. And then it was 30 minutes too long. It was really fun. But it was still fun.

Them being drunk and fucking being, I thought it was fun. By the way, it was really funny. I was watching Shane save Kevin Hart from sitting on the Rock's lap. Yeah. Because the Rock was like, sit on my lap. And Shane just picked up a mic.

And he goes, don't do that. Don't do that. And you saw Kevin Hart go, I'm not doing that. It's so funny when he did that, I was like, sit on his lap. And then when Shane went, I go, no, no, I did it. I would have sat. Shane fucking saved him because he would have sat on his lap. After Cat Williams was like, this motherfucker gave his soul to the white people.

He's sitting on. Didn't I ask you for three small coffees? Oh, my gosh. I mean, what else am I supposed to do? This team. You've got to get rid of your team, dude. Working on it. Yeah, I'm going to go to do another.

Tell him, Pac-on. But why wouldn't you just do that trip and get it all at once? Does he make you wear that on your nose? I have to carry two coffees like this. Oh, wow. That's a good point. It feels ridiculous. Oh, wow.

That breathed right. How did you stop with the attitude? Thank you, Paco. Yeah, he is attacking you, Paco. I'll attack you physically. You're coming after 1996, Neil Smith. That's true. That's a good point.

Off the team. No, he's not on the team. We like him. You're on my team. Paco. He's on teams everybody, but Lewis. Paco, here's my social security number. You run my finances.

Paco, you'll load just got a little lighter, my friend. Guess what? You're Katie and I's dog walker. Guess what? You'll imagine his babysitter. Yeah, I go, you ain't Myrtle. Guess what? You ain't Myrtle. You're sarin my bull. Yeah. Right on.

I fuck you hard. But the thing of the net phone... I like feisty Paco. Yeah, me too. He came in. Yeah. Why's he wearing a nose strip? I don't know. He makes it hurt. He helps you breathe?

Is that the magnet that like opens up your notch? Yeah, I got one. I called him 1996 Neil Smith. Hey, that's good. That festival sucked. What festival? The Netflix. Whoa, the one we weren't invited to.

Story Wars was the talk of the fest. You guys had a great time. You guys were at the store. You guys were all, you guys were at, by the way, that's always where I would go to see you guys. Because it was great to check in with them. But then it's anxiety being at the store because there's 200 comics there. And every time you turn around, you're like, hey, hey, hey, it was a lot.

That's the thing I hate, like, people that I barely know. You know what it is? I hate when, because I don't remember anyone's names ever. So I hate doing this. Being like, oh, good to see you. So long. Like that thing where I'm like, I don't know your name. How many people had to do it to him? I don't fuck it like you. I don't want to talk to you. Fuck you. That's hilarious.

You go, hey. Didn't you used to be a bouncer here? Hey, man. Didn't I get tickets for you in Times Square and went on? Did you tell me Eddie Murphy and Stephen Wright were on the same show? Weren't you into M.MA at one point? It was a lot of that, though. Like any festival, though.

Just for laughs, that circle bar. That's a lot of. Sankfest, we're all family, family. No, there's plenty of people at Skankfest that I'm like, your team, for instance. It's like 50 people. I'm like, I've seen this person for three years. I have no idea who they are.

And they all have names like... That's Paco. They do have names like Lost Boys. Yeah. They're like, I'm shaky leg Eric. And you go, hi, shaky leg Eric. I'm in charge of getting you to your hotel room. And you're like, I don't know if I trust this fucking...

I'm pink I pee. Lewis just calls me the Lurp. And you're like, that doesn't even make sense. Is that an acronym? that's the guy that's If you don't give people names If you don't call somebody That's how it is though

Yeah All of the fucking All the people that work at Skangfest Are like Sid's Toays from Doey's story There was missing limbs I was a Teddy Ruckspin And now my inside's a gunball machine Now can I ask you a question

Because I was watching at home live Same here And when Jay was going up I was hoping who was ever on before him Took a hot one Which they did They did They did

A very smart thing of putting non-comics before comics. But they did, but on TV, it was not as bad. I thought they were just going to, on TV it wasn't as bad. They were getting laughed. You know what, though, you could hear. When Jay, when Jay, what my question is, when Jay, were you nervous when Jay was going up that he might take on?

No, literally, if I would be nervous if Jay had to do a sit-up competition. I'd be nervous if he had to be a good friend on TV. Listen to what his friend's stories or anecdotes. I would be like, answer a text message. But pick up the phone. Oh, he's got an answer or a text message from a week. I'm thinking of changing my name on my phone to Mike Fanoia, so Jay would answer it. That is really funny.

No, but Jay being funny. But no one else would. Jay being funny on a microphone, it's like the one thing that I know. It's guaranteed. That's what Jay's good at. Confident as a motherfucker. It's like, you know what it feels like when they find a fish on the shore or whatever, and then they do that thing where they put it in light water and then you see it fucking.

That's Jay being on a microphone. Where you go, I don't know. I think you might go. In any other thing. He was great, too. He actually wrote his jokes. Oh, I know. I was the only one who probably wrote all of his own jokes.

That was the thing I was saying about the backlash of everyone being like, you know, like Che talking shit about Shane's or joking around about it. But I was like, you know who's in the best position is Jay? Because he's like, I just wrote my whole set. And this is what I didn't like that they kept saying, I didn't write it. It's annoying that they do that. One time, fine, two times. But everybody said that.

When it got a laugh Who's in comedy A lot of it is smoke and mirrors They got a team of writers Obviously you don't hear Jimmy Fallon coming out Being like He should That was a good one that you wrote over there

Fucking Johnny Johnny fucking should Jimmy's my friend He stinks He's my friend I would I stick up for you Jimmy Fallon doesn't care about Jimmy Fallon and Bobby Fallon

Hey that's not bad You know what's pretty good I reached for it I didn't want to help it I didn't like it I didn't like it I thought it was pretty good I tell you

that made me angrier about them saying the writers were people talking about, I got paid so much money to come here and do that. Yeah. When one person doing it, fine. But like a couple people were like, I got paid to be here today and you're like, well, so it's not your friend. You're not roasting them.

Well, it's all just to get off the hook. It's like an excuse. You don't have to bomb. You didn't bomb. Yeah. What was the, this was my most annoying part of the roast. The end of the roast, fucking Jeff Ross on camera, gets up and leaves to go pee.

And fucked up Kevin's last, he was, and then he turns, he goes, Jeff Ross. And he turns, he goes, he's not here. It's like, you motherfucker. Yeah. There's like two seconds left. And then he comes back in the middle. He had to go to Tony.

And then he came back in the middle of Tony's roasting. And he had to cut off Tony's to go back to Jeff. And he was right in the middle of a joke for Tony. I was like, you ruin the flow. Where he lost me was when he tried the, what you're talking about, Gilles. Twice. Twice. Yeah.

What you're talking about Gilles? It wasn't the, uh, He tried it. Twice as crazy. Who did this? Jeff Ross? Yeah. He missed the first time. It got like, there was volume over it. And then, is he back on the team? Oh, shit.

I like it. I like it. I like it. He just has relaxed. Relax with the fucking attitude. We let you get one off. No, we didn't. Don't include us in that. Don't listen to him.

You're going on a baby face run right now. You're fucking awesome. This motherfuckerucker is making you look like a million bucks. Also, you're wearing your Hitler stash in the wrong part of your face. I had to put some stack on that one. Can they see them? Great. I just wanted to let the boys try body bring creamer at one point.

I'm also. I don't drink coffee. I'm being an asshole for him. I'm not being an asshole. I said, I'm all said. I don't drink coffee. He drinks coffee. I drink coffee like a som of a bitch.

I'm sober. I don't know how many of creamer in it. I used to drink a lot of coffee. I have my own. Thank this cream. They didn't cut the sample ones properly here. Oh. Oh, dude, now I definitely don't trust it.

Why? Do you have a body brain? A little bit of scound. Oh, thank you. No, dude. No, you don't want that shit. Get that fucking fake sugar out of here. It's good.

I either have real sugar or none. Am I right, Joe? Yeah, absolutely. Whoa. Bobby's holding. What the fuck? You're going to fuck up your table. Oh.

That's crazy. Whatever you just did is. That was so inefficient. Big slice on the table now. Bobby, that was the most inefficient way I've ever seen someone open something. He's one to show that he had a night. And there's a big fucking slice on the table. You're an 80s bad guy?

You didn't open it properly? You try to show people you got a blade? What was it? Are you trying to get a Skankfest nickname? Bobby the Blade. Bobby the Blade. Bobby the Blade, He didn't. All right, I put it in.

Now we'll find out if this turns Frogs gay. You gotta get a little star. I whisked the fuck out of this, bro. I mean, you can do with that. Actually, it stirs really nicely. Ooh, let me tell you something right now. You know why? I was a little worried about this?

Because they clump up. I'm not going to lie. Most cream is clump up. This doesn't clump up. Can I tell you? Hang on one second. Paco. Thank you, buddy.

You're doing a great job. Can I tell you where I went mentally? Please. Into my actor brain. All right. To sell it. Yeah. Real WWF.

And but it's actually good. It's actually delicious. Can I give you my honest opinion? Do you want to make it up? A switch blade? I wish it up good. I can't get mine open. Actually, I do.

Right here. Oh, hold on. That's Knives Kelly. Watch up. Joe. Why don't you just use your mouth? Why don't you use your switch-blade mouth? I like it.

All right, I've only had one cup of coffee in my life. Really? It was in Peru. You had a coffee field. Yeah, what a fucking fault. Actually, Cafre Reggio is really good. Yeah, this isn't the proper way to test this because it's not in your coffee. There you go.

It doesn't matter. You can put in any coffee. That's the thing. Joe, I got you. I mean, the stack. I put all of this in there? Yeah, all of it. Yeah, you got to stir mine up.

Give a little whist. My knife didn't work. Come on. Let me stir it up. Stir it up, boy. Little doll. Jamaica. Stir it up.

I thought you were going to do kiss. Stir it up. Stir it up. Body brain. Okay, thank you. Ready? Here we go. Ready?

Oh, it looks good. It's fucking really good. I like my coffee like I like you. Like nice. Quiet. Fat and quiet. Bobby, honest assessment.

I'm going to say this. If you threw up, it would be so... The funniest thing you could do right now is try to talk. Dude, they try to talk throw up. You know when people were caught on camera, they go, it comes out. Oh, fuck. It's so funny.

It's got a... I'm going to tell you something. It makes the coffee, it gives it a very particular smell and taste. But it's not a bad. It's not bad. It tastes like... You know when you get really good coffee? Yeah.

And it has a... It tastes like... Like, I don't know, it just tastes. I smelled a cinnamon. No, cafe reggio. There's a little bit of cinnamon, yeah. Salon cinnamon from flavor. There's something in there.

It tastes really fucking good, dude. It's really good, right? Watch how you feel after this. It literally feels like you're in a car. What? What the fuck is wrong with you? You're going to feel like you're on fucking blow. I love it.

Oh my God, there's a van about to pull up in front of the cell that's going to hit a person. Right now, the nuclear codes are being leaked to someone in Taiwan. Bob, we can see a few. future crimes? Oh no. Lewis is robbing all of us. Those are past crimes. Follow the future past and present crimes.

No. No, it's terrible. No, it's not. The fuck was that. I hate coffee. Well, then don't fucking give your opinion. Why even sipping you, brick? I don't like coffee.

Here you go, Lewis. I'm allergic to- I'm trying to be nice. I care about you. Push the button, stupid. I did it. Oh, sorry. Yeah.

Give me that. No. There's one thing Lewis knows how to do. It's push buttons. Yeah, and use knives. It was good. It was real good. Hey.

Here's the Rock. Let's go to the clip. The Rock coming out. You can see me in the background, losing my mind. I mean, can't hide it. Everyone else there. Just sitting there. We're all rich assholes.

We're in all, like, the rich person section. And then me and Ari and Eric Andre are at a table just being jackoffs. I love that. Eric Jardry's the man, dude. I haven't seen Eric Andre in literally 15 years. He's the fucking man. Yeah. Where are.

Where should I be looking for you? You'll see. There's no missing it. They're all in white and it's Ari's face. Finally. And everybody's sitting down too. Like it's not a big deal. That bugs me.

Oh, shit. There he is. I didn't realize they fucking fuck me. Why would not? Why wouldn't everybody around them be doing that? We were losing our minds. We were the only ones dancing during the roots opening. Me and Ari were fucking dancing all funky and shit.

Everyone's just trying to be too cool for school. Ari does get you to dance. He's fun. Ari brings the best out of you. We're in Cuba at a fucking Cuban jazz place. You could just set a jazz place. And there's a difference.

And he got me dancing with like all these fucking in a hall. Did Ari, do you teach you the Lombata? He's dipping you? You want to hear funny Ari's story? Yeah. This weekend, in two days, I am flying to

Scotland. I'm going to Edinburgh. Edinburgh. Glasgow. I had a girl that he banged once that's coming to see. She's like, give me 1 to 10. How good is Joe list? Because I'm going to, I might buy tickets.

You know what I said? What are you going to bang them? Eight. Eight. That's fucking eight. Ten. Hey! I love this coffee.

Woo-hoo! Take a sip. Oh, oh, oh. You did it for the bitch, Joe. You did it for the bitch, Joe. But you can pour right in your mouth, by the way. Oh, good. Yeah, I did.

Sort of. So I'm going to Glasgow. Go. Put an oatmeal. I'm going to London. Ice cream. I'm going to Bristol. I'm going to Dublin. I'm going to Belfast. You know why? Why? So I can go see my pal, Ari and his wife, and she's going to watch the baby, and he has an

extra bedroom in his apartment. Joe, Joe, Joe, real quick, Ari's not going to he's not leaving for London. He's not even going to be there. This whole tour was playing around that? Yes. That's hilarious. No, fuck. I joined the Legion of Skanks. I'm like, I'm going to be there, and he's literally doing Legion of

Skanks podcast instead. That's so. funny. That's why I'm going to England. For two weeks. Well, maybe that's a free place. You're going to Dublin? Now you're going to have to. Dublin. I hope they

be doubling your tickets. Wow. That's flat tire. That was flat tire. I was both. I mean, it was going to be done. It was going to be a bomb. Yeah.

Dude, this is like a, this is like filling. It's fantastic. Like a meal. Yeah. I love it. Really good. I can't stop.

Yeah. It's giving me certain opinion. What are you looking at? You didn't trust me? No, I just wanted to me. sure you're fucking drinking at all. Shopify. I just say it so much because I love it.

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Sounds made up. Sounds like a roller skating subscription. No, I got to get in there because I got stuff. I got apps, stuff, crap. I don't even know. And I'm running out of money, for God's sake. You're a top spender on Only fans. Absolutely.

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Ooh, tight. Such a tight you. And it's fun. He's telling us, he'd be like, guys, this is a great. Did you go to the after party of the roast? Yes, he did. And were you hoping the rock was going to be there? Oh, he did.

And he had a good time. I did. Oh, yeah. Like he always has a good time. Did you find a lady? Because he's the time of the party. Did you just hang out with Ari? Hung out with everyone.

Did you meet anybody famous? I don't think so. Did you have any rapport with anybody? I don't give a shit about meeting famous people. Too above it, bro. To live it above it. I just don't feel comfortable around famous people. Yeah, man, I run my own business.

Oh, you know who I met? I didn't meet her. I just saw her, who was pretty hot in person. Bobby Althoff. Oh, the girl, she did stand-up out there. Yes, surrounded by a bunch of black guys. I thought that was like a bit that people were doing It's like oh she loves black cock

She was at the pre-party for the For the roast Yeah and she was just surrounded by a bunch of black guys Yeah she sold out a little small theater Doing stand-up for the first time And everybody was everybody was all whipped up Do what the fuck? I got 42 tickets sold this weekend in Fort Myers-Floras

Nice Awesome Also none of us, me you or Joe That's my best show Me you and Joe Weren't invited to the Illuminati brunch Jay went to the Illuminati brunch Do you think he drank baby blood?

Maybe it was there. Evidently, a lot of people thought I was there, too. Because the guy that looks like me. Yeah, and people thought I was there too, but it was... There was no ugly people there. Well, it was funny. Ari Maddie was there, and people were like, see, Sotter's there. Like, that's not me.

That's all right. Did you, did you... That's actually crazy. I'm very surprised you weren't invited. Yeah, I'm doing a special with them, and they were like, we don't want you here. Dude, play Where's Waldo? Did your... I'll say fucking nine times.

Stop cut me off. Fuck face! That's that body brain. What the fuck was that? Don't give me this then. You want to fucking, you want a chill body? Then keep that fucking away from you. Sometimes we talk over each other on the show.

You talk, you don't listen. That's your problem. No, you don't live. You don't live. Guys, guys, make me do it. Make me fucking do it. I'll fucking. Guys, none of the three of you listen.

I listen. Hi. Who listens to the best? Who listens to the best? Who listens to the best? Of the three. Who listens to the best? Wow.

This is interesting. I'm going to say Dan one. That's insane, dude. Bobby, too. You're a fucking lying piece of shit. You've called me up and said Dan doesn't listen. Yeah, and I've called him and said Bobby doesn't listen.

Almost every episode. It's not that Dan doesn't listen. He just doesn't care that you're talking. He just blasts right through. Here's the thing. You too don't know how to listen. I'm one of the best podcasters on the planet. One of the reasons I'm so good is because I listen and I play well with other people.

You don't. I'm moving too fast. I do. I heard that. I'm moving too fast. And I need to slow down and listen to my head. I got serious beef with Joe, by the way. Me? All right, we'll get back. We'll get to this. But yeah, I wasn't invited to the thing, but what were you? Oh, and I asked. I was like, no, no, no, no, I didn't ask. No, no, I didn't ask. I asked, no, I asked my manager, I go. Because I was, you know, you're a little butt hurt. And you go, did they invite me?

And she went, no. They invited a jelly roll. They invited a famous comedian jelly roll. They invited. But you have a special with it. Hey, wait one second. By the way, let me. Look at that. That's Josh Adam. That's Josh Adam. That's insane. Josh Adam Myers is there and you're not there. That actually makes me angry. Also, it looks like... I'm canceling my Netflix.

It looks like Jeff Garland walked in at the end. Like, what are you guys doing? Can you find Jay? He's in the back. He's all the way in the back on the right. You found it? Where's Dildo? That's the name of the episode.

That's all I wanted. I just wanted to... And by the way, I don't... I'm not like... I probably wouldn't have gone to this, but it was like... It is funny that you're like, okay. Look at that.

But here's it. Rachel Feinstein's there. Rachel Feinstein's there. Oh, dude, there's people in here that. I mean, I'm not hating, but like, oh, no, there's. But you're pretty fucking respected. Not by Netflix. Not by Netflix at all.

Tony Hinscliffe got two invites. I know. It's just him and his body double. They got hurricane over there. They got everybody here. They got, uh, earthquake, hurricane. Bobo. Sonami.

There are literally people in the old wrestlers from the 80s. Yeah. Tugboat. Is that hacksaw, Jim Duggan? What is Hacksaw there? I mean, everybody's there except for you three. Well, and honestly, the truth is, and we should probably say it here, we didn't want to drink baby blood.

We didn't want to. I would have loved to drink baby blood. He was asking to get in. Joe and I were like, I just told Jay to bring me some baby blood. Hey, can you put your hands together and cup it at whatever fountain they give you at? I shouldn't talk. I wasn't even invited to the festival. Well, by the way, anyone could, yeah.

Anybody in what? You probably just call them up and they're like, I want to do a show out there. That's not how festivals. work. This one is not. No. They didn't invite me. They invited a story wars at the festival. That's you. That's you. But you. I was at Bill Burr's

house. He's like, no, I don't throw fucking little plastic balls. I don't like it. Oh, bummed. I like that. That's a good bear. I think this is too much for me. No, dude, finish it. Perfect for me. When you're done, you're going to feel, watch how you feel. I feel it right now. I loved it. I

transferred it into my Starbucks. No, you didn't. It's right here. No, I did. It's full. Louis, I put it in here. It's not. This is coffee. No. I don't like the taste of coffee in general. By the way, you don't need it.

You put it in tea. You can put it in oatmeal. I will. I'll take a couple. Because I want to feel good. And I like cinnamon. I don't think it's the cream. It's the coffee that's bothering me.

And you gay. Thank you. I'm taking it too. Sarah will love this too, actually. Yeah, please take a couple. What? It's infuriating. That photo is it?

Why is it infuriating? I don't know. Who makes you angryest in the photo, Dan? I mean, jelly roll being there's crazy. Why is that crazy? himself and he said, oh, Josh is like you. I know, Josh is what I do. I just do my song. His skill is that he

sang his way into the photo. They said, sir, what's your name? He went. And they go, that's a pretty good like those old timey movies where you could sing past security. Hey, watch this. You got a black shirt. Do the joke. He goes, what color is your shirt? Blue.

Black? Hey, where did that guy go? And he's like, Netflix. My name tag at the Kevin Hartrosse was Ari Shafier's guest. Ari told me that. Oh, it made me so mad. Guest of Ari Shafir. Guest of Ari Shafir.

Maybe furious. You should have seen me. I almost left. I almost left. That's great. That did, it looked like you guys were having fun. We were having a lot of fun. It was me, Tom Papa, Ari Shafir, and Eric Andre, that was our table.

Was Jay looking at your table a lot? Yeah. Jay, Tony, Shane. We were all fucking giving a lot of. Great. Three for Life. Three for Life. Did you see what Jay did the Three for Life at the end?

Three Five Life. Life. And somebody actually said it. They were doing the sake. Cautic Cout thing. So funny. Yeah. It was great.

Three for life. James, Jay went, thank you roots, which was great. That's a story war thing. And the actual roots were there. I was very,

I was very happy for Jay. It was great moment for him. He killed it. Very happy. Oh, yeah. Joe Mackey, what's Joe Mackey doing? I'm at the lunch.

There's Eddie Murphy. Okay? Hey, Gain. This is Eddie Murphy behind me. Is this the brunch right here? He just want to talk to me. Play this. Play this.

Play the way. I told him. I was a black. Israel. I called him Bofinger. He said, hey, bow finger. Where's Steve Martin? Why was it not as funny when he said it? And then you said it. He's like he can't do the voice. He fed it into the machine.

You know, the best one is Mateo. Mateo does. Mateo's the most talented person I've ever met in my time. He's like Jamie Fox level. Don't forget the hottest. He's gorgeous and he can paint. He can paint like a motherfucker. Yeah, he cooks. You take a penis in his butt. That motherfucker's all 99s. No body fat.

Zero. Zara. So then we left and you guys, I saw Joe at the airport because he was flying to Boston. Yeah. Because Shane Gillis, our good buddy,

was at the fucking God. I had one more comment. I couldn't get in. Sorry. Go back to the photo. It's going to bomb. But it is funny to be that this shows you what it's like to live in Los Angeles.

This is the richest person on earth. His backyard is filled by like 40 people. Like, look at that. That's Eddie's backyard? No, this is Ted Sarandos's backyard. But that could be a corner of his backyard. True. You know what I mean? Oh, that's 100% of corn.

They were probably like, let's do it under the nice tree instead of the open field. He's like, put them all into my ball pit. Yes. Yes, look at my toys. Look at my toys throwing their balls. It's a pretty fucking great photo, though. Yeah, it's cool. It's a cool.

I don't give a fuck about this photo. Look at all those people. Bob Bowden, Kirk, rules. I don't know a lot of the people. Dion Cole rules. I did a show. You know Louis's there? Bill Simmons is in there.

Chris Rock. Louis showing the hand that he used to masturbate in front of women. This is it. Molly Shannon. Fred Armisen. Yeah, it's a good photo. Thanks, Bob. I really fucking, this stuff works.

It made you funny. Who's between John Marco and Chappelle? What if that's the secret formula? It just makes me funny to everyone. Yeah, this is some type of, this is Lewis's blood, and it just makes you, I think he's hilarious. The actual podcast people are watching, and it's just us being like,

and Lewis is making a horrible joke. They're falling. Okay, you're right. Anyways. Hey, he's cool. Not on your team. Use that if you're going to kill somebody. But then you guys went to Boston.

You were there. Other way. Other way. I must literally put it into my own wrist. I almost killed myself. Dude, us stopping for a medical emergency. Yeah. It was, well, we were at the garden and, I mean, Shane, first of all.

What a week, Shane. Guys sold out three, three shows at the garden. And then goes, I got to go. I got to go host the roast. It's like, I had to be there at 10 a.m. Oh, my God. He had to be there at 10 a.m.? Yeah.

I mean, we finished at like 11 o'clock, Saturday night, had to be at the arena at 10 a.m. in L.A. Yeah. That's insane. Crazy. And he was running his roast jokes at the end of the set. I think I broke your knife. No, you didn't.

It's just a safety feature for people like you. Yeah. Nailed you, bro. Got it. Let's put the knife away. Okay. This feels like the taser at Skankfest. I mean, just I can't relax.

Yeah, we went. I want to skip to the end, though. Because you're like, I ditched you. Well, hang on a second. Can we talk about the good stuff first? Because I'm mad at you. Well, you did all three nights. I'm upset with you.

Me and Joe, we're kind of similar. Like the first night, you know, after the show, I mean, Shane hangs. He just hangs. He's like you or, or Jay, they can just hang and drink beers and hang out. We wound up going to, we went to, after the on Thursday night, we went to a bar over by the hotel. But it was actually the bar that we used to go to, me, Burr, Patrice. Really? uh, Dane, Galman, after our Nick shows, we'd always go over to this bar.

Back then, it was hookers and fucking drug addicts and pizza. We'd go and have pizza and just shoot the shit and busts your phone. It was all them. I was the hooker. I was selling my ass to go. Guess we were just eating pizza? The one that's dead. But, uh, we,

Bobby had no pizza. But we go. You had pizza. I had no pizza. I had no pizza. So you go to the bar? I had no pizza. And those hookers store.

No, we went to the bar, but now it's like a nightclub. And we walk in, buddy, it was empty. I couldn't even fucking believe it. Like, as soon as he walked in, every, there were kids to me now, but they're, you know, hey man, how you doing? I'm the promoter. This is my night. You know, that's, and they were fucking flipping out about Shane, of course.

Yeah. And I was just telling people, I'm his manager. I'm just like, no, I'm his manager. Like, really? Business Bob, dude. I was to take a photo. You know, Shane really likes this place. He might want to.

invest. Bobby's setting up bogus business deals for Shane. You know what? I can see Shane promoting this on his Instagram.

But then they wind up closing the bar. I know it's at two. So in my mind, I'm like, we're out here too. It's closing in like, you know,

10 minutes. Great. At two, because he's there, he's like, no, we can keep it open as long as you want. They kicked everybody out except for everybody

who shit. And I just said, I'm out. I'm going, I can't. I can't. Plus the pillows of the four season is so comfortable. And I didn't jerk off yet.

I had, I saved on my Oh, man, in a nice hotel, saving your jerk? Saving your nut? Oh, my God, that's like saving your allowance, dude. You're about to blow it. No, but I bet you that they have fucking some overly scented lotion that'll make your dick burn. I don't use lotion.

I'm a fucking old man. That's why I have a sunup print on my dick. That's right. You do a fucking dry rub? Dude, yeah. Dude, I'm fucking. I'm 10th. I'm going to see dry rub.

Yeah, dude. You guys are fucking. I'm a fucking. I'm a fucking. I'm a sloppy. I'm fucking. I'm a sloppy. A lot.

I'm a dry rub, baby. I make this noise every time. I use body brain creamer. I'm at my deck, dude. Oh, dude, I was literally, you know when you're walking and then you realize I get to go jerk off? I started walking faster. My little steps were going quicker and I hit the elevator. I do little spins in the hallway.

I shut the door like this. I took it almost. Buddy, I got fully naked. I took it all. Oh, so good. I always get fully naked to jerk. I got half. Half wet, half-driced.

Oh, my God. Not all the time. When I do, it's a, it's a tree. No, I hold the waistband down hard. There's pops. No, no. What are you outside of a school? That's crazy.

I almost got caught jerking off on a plane the other day. What? That's insane. You're 40 years old. Why are you jerking off on a fucking plane? You should not have that much venom. You should not have that much venom in you. Stop having body rain.

Dude, whatever the... It'd be funny if we all drink this, we'll start jerking off. I go... I'm on the train with Dan, just jerking each other up. I fucking got a ticket because I was jacking off and Madison. Squirtbaker. Dude, I got caught jacking off at Max's lacrosse game last night, you piece of shit. Bob can't take Max to school.

He's the fucking sexist. No, I was in the mood to jerk it, and I went to the bathroom. I've done this many times, but not in my 40s. What was the last time you, what age? You jerked off on a plane? Well, I've told the story a few times, but I did on the way home from last comic standing, 2010, and I jerked off, and the guy who was waiting for me was Mike Vecchio. He was like waiting for the bathroom.

A guy looks like a detective. I'm picturing you in just your seat. No. In the bathroom? Obviously in the bathroom. Oh, you guys thought I jerked off in my seat? Yeah, that's what I thought. That's not that crazy.

I didn't think, I thought you jerked off in the bathroom. Why you fucking look like the emperor? Yeah. Jerk off in your seat. I jerk how you dare to do it. He was horny. Do it. It's time to jerk off in your bathroom.

Lewis. Release the dark side. No, I. was, because I'm cold, because the wind is on me. Paco's trying to kill me. Because Paco hates me now. By the way, Paco thinks he could talk to me that way. I'm holding onto this for.

No, at least a year. You should be proud. He's stuck up for himself. He's a proud, independent Filipino one. Yeah. I thought those are his initials. Proud. You know, his gay dad gave him a pep talk?

Paco, persistent, articulate. His gay dad with Paco, you must stick off for yourself. I found, I, I, I, when he was push. You push back. You know how many Paco is? He's training. Give me coffee.

No, Dad. Good. Real good. Real good. What is this, Paco? He goes, Kachan. Upload the podcast.

Not today. Good. You're good. You're learning. Paco's gay sense, hey, Dad. I want more, one more. One more.

Set up story wars. You set up story wars. If no set up, story wars, no can defend. If no story, no war. Show me, clean the hard drive. Show me, get Ralph's water. Clean the hard drives. Jay on, Louis off.

Show me. Show me black baby on the table. Oh, shit. Wow, you had to ruin it, didn't you? So tell us. So, no, I got horned up. Sometimes I get horned up on a plane. What is it?

Is it the aviation? Is it a meal coming? Six hour flight. Six hour flight. On the way back, well, you jerked off on the way there. Five hour flight on the way back. Yes, you jerked off on the way back. Because of the wind stream.

Jet. That too. Jet stream on my back. It was a stretch. So I was in the mood. So then I went into, we're playing fucking word association right now. It's a password.

I was trying to say. That blue J. Okerson. My best line. Wow. Dude. So I got horned up and I was like, time to go to the bathroom, time to jerk off, right?

Is there a moment that made you go, I gotta get up and go jerk off? When gals text me dirty things. On the plane, that's it. See, I forget that makes more sense. I totally understand. I forget that you have bitches texting you. Yeah.

I have no bitches. That would change. you, a random horny girl hitting you up on a plane, you go, oh my God. It really bug me that he made it plural. Bidgals. See, I forget, I'm always thinking like me. I'm like, how could you be that horny?

But if any woman texted a fucking emoji. Yeah, I feel the same way. Yeah. If I got a nice pair of tits in the DMs. Double DMs. So you get all fucking plumped. Getting all pumped up. What seat are you in the aisle or the...

69F? Do you have to make somebody get up so you could jerk off. Yeah. You have to get a seat. I'm seat A, uh, 12A. So you have to go, excuse me, sir. Sorry, I have to go with my hard dick.

That's what I was thinking. Excuse me, sir. I have to go pull on my. And six hour flight. You're wearing sweatpants of some kind. Yeah, I'm wearing fucking athletic pants. So I go to the bathroom and, uh, I start to, uh, handle myself. And, uh.

Yeah, you do. Chelsea handler yourself. I love that joke. Penis handler. No. That was pretty good. So yeah, I go and I start. jacking it and I'm taking my time.

You know, I'm doing my thing, you know. And I was out there for a little while, I guess, and there was like a line of people. You're like making love to yourself in the bathroom. Well, it's also, you know, it's kind of aware of standing jerking is kind of difficult. Yeah, your knees buckle. With the sloped fucking ceiling. Yeah.

Small, you're kind of like crouched down, like a fucking, like an ogre. Yeah, you feel like lurch. Slope ceiling. Enough about Paco. Hey, I was wondering if you're going to leave that. I left that out there for you. Yeah, so I give it a whack and do a little. I think I'm too focused.

Aren't you hyper-focused right now? I'm just staring at scissors. Dude, that'd be so funny if random moves like, if I just, if I made Paco levitate across the surface. Bobby's sitting there. Like modern problems with Chevy Chase? Bobby just kills all the producers with his brain.

Danny gets picked up. He's like, the 11 snap on his neck. And then we just hire one good one like we should have years ago. Oh, come on, they're all good. So, yeah, I'm giving myself a jerk-a-doodle. and I'd be so mad.

I'm assuming there's people like lining up outside. Yeah, with poop coming out of their butt. Yeah. All ready to go. And they assume that I'm pooping. They assume that I'm pooping. They have no idea that I'm jacking off. They have no idea that I'm just jacking it like a fucking monster. Are you locking your legs? Are you just, you're sitting down and you're standing?

No, standing. How would you sit down and jerk off? Like this. I've done that driving many times. I've jerked off driving. Yeah. Yeah, I kept falling asleep. And the only way to stay up, I jerked off. That's very true.

Yeah. So did you finish? Yeah. So I, but, have some body brain. What's that like when you blow your load and your standing? Well, what I do is I put napkins into the sink. Nice. And then I come into the napkins, fold them up.

I'll never wash my hands. I'll hand it to the guy that's waiting after you. He just stinks. Oh, my God. Are these napkins full of load? I did that to DeRosa and Jay went to my jerked off of my hotel and they put my towel on their door. Yeah. They came up.

The cum rag? What's this? I heard that. remember that story. That's fucking diabolical. It's a crime. Yeah, hashtag me too. Jesus Christ, what's wrong with you? I remember when I, Joe?

I really took the Rosa that night. So, but while I'm in there, I guess what happens is, I guess I hear a, and I go, one minute. You go, one fucking minute, one fucking minute, please. I need one fucking minute. I need it so fucking bad. I need that minute so fucking bad. And I guess the person didn't hear me. Right.

So then I'm gonna, I'm still jacking it. Are you close? Yeah, I'm close. And I watch the bolt on the door. Oh! No! And I slammed my hands against it. Occupato.

How are they able to open it? It was the fucking flight attendant. Flight attendant. Because the line was probably down the line. And then they assumed that somebody passed out in there and they didn't hear me say one minute. You were jerking it for a while. wild, dude. I was giving it a little jerkadoodle. Oh, God. You know, great it would be if they caught him

ranking his fucking dick in a sink. Right when he comes? So what did it? Just the wall? Did the the lady apologize profusely? So no, listen. So they tried out, but I was like, whoa, I'm in here. She goes, you want some help? So then I was like, I locked it again. I'm jerking off. Then I had to start over. Oh, my God.

You didn't call it quits? No, I didn't call it quits. What a piece of shit. I was ready. Same fantasy? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So then I switched it up. I shoot. Yeah, I'd probably want it. So a flight attendant coming in and sucking your dick? Yeah, and you go, I saw her shoulder. She had nice shoulders.

Oh, I'm blowing it. I shoot my load into the sink. You can make your little fucking origami. Orgasmy. I fold it up, throw it away. I come out, and then there's like four people deep in the line. And I was like, what was that? And the girl was like, what was in me?

That was standing there? And I was like, who was it? I was the flight attendant? She was like, yeah. So I marched over to the flight attendant. Now they're in first class because one at the front. And I walk into first class. create a problem.

I'm wrong. I'm wrong in every level. You are, and I would say this, a real menace on that fly. And you probably have a semi. There's no way it's just down. You've got a diving board. And this is me removing our friendship from it. I think it's terrorist is 1A. I think you're 1B.

You're just jerking off in a bathroom making everyone wait. So I go over, I'm like, why would you open the door? And he was like, Sarah, it was like, I didn't know, you didn't hear you say anything. I said something. I was just like, whatever was that was just mad, Yeah. I couldn't even explain.

Like, I couldn't hold on to why I was so mad. It was like, you know, sometimes people pass out if they're drunk or whatever. And when they're jerking off, they might pass out. Yeah. If we're, also, if you're jerking off, we go in there to help. That's really cool. I went back to my seat and I was like, hmm. That sucks.

You have to walk back to 12A. Yeah. And then you have to ask a guy to move, but your energy. And they get pre-com on his cheek. Yeah. Sir, I am tired. Move. I had the story.

I feel like I've told it here because I've told it a million times, but I was jerking off on a flight. and it was the two, it was a small airplane and it was the two bathrooms in the back where there's just one across from the other one. Yeah. And I went in. I went in there, jerked off,

and then when I finished, you know, you're trying to time it so it feels like it could be the amount of time it takes to shit. And I came out in the flight of tent and goes, hey, what were you doing in there? And I just finished jerking up. I swear to God, I was like, what?

I was freak out. I did freak out. My heart stopped. I was like, oh, my God. I was like. I've not even in the situation and you freak me out. I go, what were you doing? is crazy.

And she goes, didn't you see the sign? And there was a small sign that said, out of order. No. So then she opened the door. So she must have thought,

she must have thought, this guy was just shitting in the out of order, and she opened the door the rest of the way and looked into the toilet to see. And then there was nothing there. She went,

oh. Because I wiped up and then put it in the trash. So she looked in and there was no, nothing in the toilet. How funny. If you put it was a load rag and it didn't flush,

and it was just load and she smelt it as soon as she was. Just yellow on white. Yeah. I hear about this yellow jizz phenomenon. If I had piss yellow jizz, I'd actually kill myself. I didn't say piss. I have cloudy white jizz.

I have, and it'll be yellowish. Listen, I have white jizz, but if you wipe it up with a white towel. The older you get, it comes out like yellow gelatin. Well, that's crazy. Mine comes out in little squares, little... But if you come on a paper towel, you can tell the difference between the cum and the jizz. Yeah, not me. Mine are like orbie balls.

Hold on. What is it? Called sperm is often harmless. Aging dietary pigments by aging. Tumric and carrots. I ate a lot of turmeric. You're a ton of everything I have. You're a turmeric slut.

Yeah, I've had yellow in my jizz. I had, did, I would tell you the time I, you had blood in your jiz? No, I got that, when I got the surgery, and I wasn't telling anybody, and I went right, I think three days after I got the surgery, I went to Jess Falafs or the next week. Oh, yeah, you were doing the dirty.

I didn't tell anybody I got the surgery. And then I'm up there and I wound up jerking off and I came black. Oh. That would fucking freak me in. What you come black? You can never go back. That's good. I was panicking.

First thing you, the first thing that comes up is cancer. Yeah. I went black cum. Black cum is wild. Oh. I know people that love it. I had to take a picture of my, my jizz on my arm.

Really? And send it to my daughter. Can we see some black, I want to see black cum. I can show you right now. I got a photo. You have a photo of your black cum? I had to send it to my doctor. I'm like, what is this?

Did you put it in your favorites? No, I put it in my secret pastoral photos. Wait, do we went to see your black cum? If you want to. I don't want to see black cum. I don't want to see it. Oh, I don't want to see cum. It actually, it was because of I was drinking so much protein.

Yeah. The protein stuff. Oh, you're such a man. I see. No, because I was like a drink, it was protein drinks. I couldn't eat anything. Do you come? Gunmetal black.

Then you might. Jay would love to come black. I actually... Oh, my God, there's no more rock and roll. I actually... Oh, my God, I'm such a... I have got to come. I sent it to Jay because I was scared.

I was like, Jay, I don't know if you're... That is funny that Jay's like your guy where he goes, he puts down smaller glasses. I've never seen that before. If I came black... Yeah? Yeah? Go ahead. We'll listen. That would freak me the fuck out, doggy.

Yeah, I think that's... I hear about blood. Dude, anything that was, like, irregular like that would fuck me up, dude. I remember the first time I had, like, I had, like, red shit from beats. Dude. I didn't know what it was. I had. And I was like, I'm dying.

This is colon cancer. I had blood in my stool and it fucking. Oh, you ready? Are you ready for this? Full on doctor. Are you ready? Because I don't want to show you because you can't unsee it. Let me see.

Joe, I must eat a cookie. So don't show him. Let me see. Unless come make sure want to eat cookies harder. Yo, that's crazy. That looks like mud. That looks like when you get fucking. Buddy.

I, fuck it. I was like, I'm dying. I have cancer. They did something. What you're dying? Yeah, but it was just from all the protein. It went away, thank God. Oh, my God.

Imagine it because of the surgery, I come black for the rest of my life. Oh, my God. I'd have to just get my dick sucked in a dark room. And then it's, Maybe come black. That's not bad. That's it.

That's it. Baby come black. Oh, come on. I mean, cookies over here. Come on, Ely. Holy shit. And you really think you're ready for it. And then you see it and you go, I don't want to see that.

That's a scariest thing ever. When you come a different color. Oh, I don't like one of my loads don't fire out. I go, well, come on in. You come a different color. That's the jizz of a different color. Quince. Quince.

What is a quince? Foods that start with the letter, Koo. She's in her zone. You're a quince. You're a quince. I love quince. I know you do. I'm not kidding.

You're very Quincy. I'm wearing all Quincy Jones. I'm wearing all. All quince, baby. I told you it was Mother's Day. I bought Quince's stuff. This birthday, Quince, Christmas, Quince. Buddy, I got a barracuda jacket from Quince, which is not my thing.

Sure. I've gotten more compliments on that little look than anything I've ever worn. Let me tell you how Quince got to your boy. Yeah. I'm what they call in Colorado a linen prince. Yay. No, I love linen. Put me in linen, draight me in the stuff.

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and rocking. People love it. We're going to try it on the show. I'm making all the boys drinking on the show today. It's going to be incredible. We're all day. I'm going to do a line of it. Body, bring coffee. Can you just eat it straight out? You can.

You just poured it in your mouth. It's like cum. Yep. Put it on the back and put it in your mouth. Where were we? So anyways, me and Joe, first of all, he shows up. Who was the other first night? It was Francis.

You and Francis. Francis was great. Yeah, I saw him or he called. I talked to him. So we would go, so he comes up because he's nervous because it's the first arena. Sure. I was just like, dude.

All you have to worry about, they're all here to laugh. They gotta love you shit. Arenas are so much better than 50 people in Fort Myers, Florida. I can't. People are like, dude, Norman was all nervous when we did the arena show together. He was like, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I was like, how are you not excited?

This is so much more fun than doing my shitty shows. Or doing all the VFWs we've done over the years where you walk in and they don't want you there. And you're like, just, how you guys are ready for a comedy show? So excited. So I, if one third of the people laugh, there's 6,000 people left.

The only scary thing is if it goes bad to getting booed by an arena, You know, it's funny. Have you been booed by an arena? No. I haven't been booed at three times. Bobby has, because he said he moved to New York, and they all started booing. And then everyone was booing, and I went, fuck you!

It was really fun. It was quite enjoyable. I've never heckled before. It's awesome. I literally screamed, fuck you. And Becky Aspen is looking at me, like, what are you doing? I'm like, it was my only chance. That's great.

It was really fun. But I told him, I go, listen, the only you have to worry about is when they announce your name, And you got to be there. You can't. Also watch those stairs because I almost fell in. Right. There's no railing. You got to be, you got, because if they go, they say you're Bobby Kelly and you have to walk 15 seconds through 20,000 people, it's going to suck.

Yeah. Because they're all going to go, woo, and then it's going to be quiet. And they're all going to be waiting for you. There's a video of a comic, and I won't say who it is, but there's a video of a comic. And he's, he filmed himself opening for a big act at an arena. And they announce them. And he's, like, filming it, like, it's all cool or whatever. but then you realize he ran out of time,

so he has to start running. Like, look cool. And you're like, that happened as Steve Burns when we do Vegas, the feature show, he would go, you guys over here,

you guys over, and we just get the fucking place. What about you up? And it got it so whipped up. He ran into the crowd all the way to the back, but then he had to walk back and it was just, it's so funny when the crowd's like,

no, you're right there. You have to get there and you have to watch out for the stairs. Yeah, but he did it perfectly. And then he's bringing me up. He goes,

thank you guys that's my time blah blah blah and the guy goes let's go i go come on let's go so we're walking up we'll walk through the crowd nobody knows you know who the fuck am there's a couple bobby you know whatever and then we get to the stage and he goes guys i just want to say i go i think he's given a speech he's given the speech so now i'm just standing there at the bottom of the stairs with the guy with the flashlight and he went into a big speech about his mom being there i go dude we got to go we need to get the fuck out of here and we had to go off to the side of the stage. And then I'm sitting in the security guy's like, you can't stand here. I'm like, I'm going to be up there and like, give me two minutes. So just my self-esteem is like fucking shit the

bed. Yeah. And then I go up, I go, I go, he made a beautiful speech. Everybody applaud. My mother's here for the first time. Oh, the place goes nuts. And then he brings me up. And then I go, my mother doesn't even know I'm fucking he. I didn't tell anybody I was coming in town. It's great. And of course, somebody who knows my mom video was videotaping me. And they sent it to my fucking. Big black guy. My mom's bad. My mom's bad. It was a big black guy. He goes, he goes, baby, baby. You're boys.

I was love. Baby, it's me. Hey. Baby, come black. It's a good one, right? Baby, baby, baby, it's JJ. Yeah, you ain't going to believe this shit, baby, baby girl. You ain't going to believe this shit, baby girl.

You're boys in the time. I'll be over in a couple hours. Yeah. But me and Jay, he comes in the next day. We had a fucking great day. Great time. We want to shop for our wives. went shopping. There was little stores out in the park. We walked. We smoked cigars.

We had a fucking great day. We went. We did a fits together. We went sauna. Kissed in the commons. And that Bobby's sister? Very pretty lady. Toy. My younger sister. How old is your younger sister? Where have you been keeping her? She's 30 something? You have a 30-year-old something younger sister? Yeah. It's gorgeous. And a younger brother. Is she single? No, she's married. I should fuck Bobby's younger sister. Come on. Come on, dude. What are you doing?

Can I see her? What are you doing? No, you can't see her. Now you fucking... I also hope her husband is a fucking martial arts. What is he going to do?

What is he going to do? Can I fuck your sister's husband? You know what he's going to do? No. He's going to get you put up? You think your sister's husband can beat me up? That's a good question. I tell you this,

he's not a man to be trifled with. Whoa, what does that mean? No, he's like a dude. He's like a bossed dude. He's like a farmer. He's a, no, his family is a farm. He's a farmer guy. Am I fucking?

He's like a construction worker. Are we what? You're a fucking... You're a fucking... You're a... Fucking one of my... The bad crop season. Fucking idiot.

Am I a drought? What am I? What am I? What am I? You need more. You need more. This is like, literally, what am I? I need a...

What am I? Am I a home? Dan, save it! Oh, please. Help, I need a lifeline. A dust bowl. Yeah, snorpeas. No, he's a pretty tough guy.

I actually fought her ex-husband. Nice. Who won? Come on. son. Come on, he's standing. Come on, son. He would have, the other guy. Fatherhood rage fucking wins. What happened? Why'd you fight him? He actually, we got no fight. I was just

at the table. He was kind of drinking at the time. And he comes in and he said naps. I was talking about taking a nap. Sure. I said to him, I go, they get married. Well, they're getting married. Exactly. I go, hey, dude, you know, they're having a kid. I go, dude, get some naps, dude. You're going to need naps when you have a baby. He goes,

naps are not for men. Men, though. nap. That's like the thing you say while you're cracking a beer walking. Yeah. Fucking naps of a quiz. What are you doing? And I go, dude, you're talking about men nap? That's stupid.

Yeah, I hate that John Bernthal take that. Then he goes, men don't nap. And I was looking around the table. I'm going, what the fuck is that? And I go, really? Men don't nap, Bobby. You're creating a scene. Bobby, stop it.

You know men don't nap. What are you doing? It's my wedding day. Come on. You're running in the ceremony, Bobby. You don't nap They're having a baby Not a wedding

Cramming Bobby you hurt the baby Stop You hurt the baby You don't nap It was It was the Fuck you listen to your sister

Listen to your fucking sister Let it go Bobby It's kicking So I was just like Dude you're fucking stupid Men nap What are you talking about Naps are the best

Yeah they are And he goes I love a nap Naps to the fucking best thing ever Hey Punisher Fucking Sticking up your ass I looked at my stepdad. I go, Larry, you nap?

He goes, I'd take a nap. I'd take a nap. But then he went to the other room, and I think my mother got him all rowled. Someone got him riled up again. He came in the fucking, he came back in like 20 minutes later and went, fucking, you fucking go, like, script.

And I clicked. Yeah. And I fucking. Grabbed him. Yeah, I grabbed. It's one of the most numerous arguments ever. I grabbed him and I fucking heard him a little bit. Imagine if you told him you sit down to piss.

he goes yeah i don't know i like to sit down to pee kind of look at my phone go go go go go where are the shovels but but then it was a big thing me and don had to leave my mother took his side which was hilarious i guess she did snaps and we i talked to my family for a year because of that because of that did your sister apologize when she broke up with her ex-husband? That's a good question. No. She still took aside. No, we made up. I love my baby sister. Bobby, I've missed you. My baby sister. Can I see her? No, no, no. She, uh, she, what are you making faces for? I said she's very hot. Fucking thin-lipped cock-knuck. That was great. Um, no, but she, my sister's a shit. She's Bobby with a wig. Hey, how you doing? I'm Roberta.

That seems weird. Roberta Patrice Kelly. No, me and my brother were cool. We all made up, me and my mother and everybody. Yeah. We all made up like a year. Fighting over a nap is hilarious. It was the...

I thought we were just joking. I thought, you know, dude, naps are good. Hey, what are you? Fuck you and now. But he actually wound up getting sober. We wound up going to meetings together. And I'm friends with him now. He's actually sober.

He's got his life together. He's got a whole new life and he's a great dad. And the new husband, though. The new husband, though, if he was like, if he was like, naps for pussies, I'd be like, yeah, you hold me? Can you just hold me and make me safe? Yeah, she married us.

So you met it, so you hung out. We hung out. We had the best time ever. It was nice, yeah. Then we did the show at night, and we wound up the next night, we left. You had to go, you had to go, didn't we just leave on Friday? Yeah, we left on Friday. Yeah, you and I took a cab.

Took a cab home, went out, we had to go downstairs out, and then you took a cab, and what do we do? You went somewhere. We had a cigar. We had a cigar That's right We had a smoke out front And because you're always

Busting balls about Oh, you never buy anything You fucking hope I had to pay for the cab I provided the cigars I tipped 100% Because you're one of these guys That won't let anyone pay And then holds it over

That you don't pay That's exactly what you do This is fucking That's what you do I fucking I will say that real men Every man If you're a man

You fucking pull your wallet out You know what you said I got it See what he just said Yeah You do it too Yeah Because that's what men do

do. Men pay. What they don't do is later go, fucking, you never pay. Well, I would never do that. I didn't do that. I've thrown it in your face that you don't pay. I've known to remember if you've ever paid for anything. I just would always pull up the lighting. You have purple, purple eye shadow. Hold on, turn your head this way a little. No, the other way. The way I pointed. Now up. Yeah, there, see it?

Damn. You're going to have me go turn off. It's amazing. It is weird. It looks like you have purple eyes. It's because the purple sign. Baby, go nap. Anyways, yeah, we take a cat. This is so fucking. Beautiful cigar. Can I just say something to you? I said it to you.

Listen, first of all, I fucking paid for coffee. I don't give a fuck about paying, and I never hold it off. This is what Joe does. Go back to last episode. He creates shit in his head. What? What was the last episode? Last episode.

Literally, there was a 10-minute chunk. You guys yelling about how I'm a piece of shit. I don't pay for anything. You pay for anything. That's what I call. It turned into the ad talk. That was jokes. 10 minutes.

This is jokes. That was jokes. This is jokes. But you admit that you did say that one last, I've, first of all, I've never, I don't bring up the clip. I love paying for stuff. I love it, too. Well, you know, you, you brought it up, like you,

how many cigars? I always provide cigars. Right, exactly. Bring him another thing. This is my point. You're making my point. Yeah, but I, you're literally making my point. No, I'm, I have to bring it up because you're bringing it up like it's not a fucking point. What? I don't know.

That was the point. That anger shit. I literally, I shit you not for the past 30 seconds. I just stopped paying attention I was like, I don't know what's happening anymore. That's because you don't listen. You don't listen. It's all you do. If it's not about you, you don't fucking listen.

I have to have a body brain coffee. It's improved by listening skills. You thought of a pun that you're sitting on and it's coming in the next three minutes. And, no, no, was his name. Honestly, though, that was good. I was right off the rip. Put the scissors down again. But anyways, we had a lovely cigar outside.

It got a little chilly. It was beautiful. I wasn't chilly. You showed me something. I'm working on. I'm working on. We bonded. We bonded.

Hold on. What are you working on? Me? Both y'all. You know what I'm working on. Oh, the documentary. Fucking right, don't. Can I see some of it? I don't want to show you. Come me a little something. No, you don't want to see it. No, no, no, no. You don't want to see it. You want to wait.

I can't show you. Don't show the most touching points. You show me some fun shit. You got to wait. Trust me on this. I saw it. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing. Oh, you know what? I need Laura's number. I'm into her. My Laura? I'm into her. My assistant Laura? Yeah. Well, she videoed your speech and we want to get another angle. Anyways, we had a great fucking night. Laura's the best. I need a new assistant. I wish I had five Laura's in my life.

This guy in his teams. I don't understand you. Nobody understands. I need an assistant, bad. This guy is staff. You have an assistant. No. Laura? No, she does a lot of shit for us. You introduce her as your assistant in the movie.

At Skankfest, she's my assistant in life. I see. She's not my assistant in life. And at Skankfest, she's fucking WinSale Sally. That's what I'll do. Do you own assistant competition on one of my podcasts. Damn, dude. Me. Ooh. I'm going to be a little.

Oh. Let's go. Well, there's another chance to exploit free labor. Whoa. Well, this ripples thick with it. And to our nations, I just found a new way to get myself some money. Well, I'll grab one of the towns, folks. A dollar saved as a dollar earned.

Well, I'll never have to pay them. I would love of your hat never went back. Oh, dude, it has to. It's one of my favorite. It's one of my favorite hat. Please go back. So that's Saturday. We wake up.

Have another cigar. I mean, come on. You can't just include every cigar in this story. We're fine. Get to the next thing. It's not a cigar. This is the tails of the cigars. The next cigar.

I've heard about eight cigars in this fucking story. Honestly, when they wrote the book, it was beautiful. Each chapter started with a cigar. And then it would go into part of a cigar. The story. This is the second cigar. No. Second chance.

It's not the second cigar. We got 12 more. Back me up. It's only two. It's that night. That night. We came home with a cigar. No.

You guys are forgetting when you were shopping for your wives. That's the cigar the next morning. That's the day we're getting to. That's what we're getting to. Oh, wait. So you're going backwards now in the story? Oh, you're tarantinoing your cigars. Don't pull fiction.

The beginning is the end. You go, now so you remember that first cigar? I'm trying to beep with Bobby. And now I got a beep with you guys. That was the first cigar all along. So this is the first cigar. I'm enjoying all of it. No.

Now, the third cigar, you think is the first cigar. That's the fifth cigar. This body brain shit works. Listen. So anyways, we have a great morning. We wound up going in. We went in the hotel. They had a sauna and a steam room.

We hung out. We went to the pool. Great. Swam. You guys do sound like... Jacked. You guys do sound like gay lovers. It said you're jacked, bro.

No, I got a little fat around my stomach. Fucking killed it in the sauna. Yeah, we did. Steamed. My sauna's coming tomorrow. I hope it comes black. Baby come black. I am very excited about my sauna.

Nice. Okay, all right. Thank you, buddy. Thank you. Time to get in. We're just fucking ripping this one. So then we had a lunch cigar. He just went, hey,

he's got to be reading a book. God damn. That tells him to insert himself in the situations. He has to read it from bottom to top. He's a good Asian. Are I squating? It's a squat. Like smokes a cigarette.

If you stirs a bowl while you read the fucking book. But it's in a long cigarette, hold on. He's got to read it from bottom to top. So Lewis to Joe, because I fuck you in the ass. Who, who, who, who. Come black. Baby, come back. Oh, that's my dick.

Joe, go ahead. So here's my beef. You want to hear my beef? You go ahead. You said I did. It was my beef first. But go ahead. Well, okay, yeah.

All right. Tell me your beef. Because I'll tell you the real story. And it's crazy how in the right I am. My beef is this. Paco has some beef and broccoli. I don't really have a beef because I don't care because when somebody's with their family or friends, Joe had a bunch of comics come in that he knows from Boston.

Oh, I saw pictures of Bulger. Yeah, a bunch of, he had a group. I was by myself. My family came the night before. I didn't have anybody backstage. I don't really want to invite people, right? Is it? Yeah.

I'll smoke it. Anyways. So we. Because also when you do shows with Shane. you get like Red Sox and Bruins players were probably there. The Bruins came to night I wasn't there. Are you serious? Yeah.

The night you weren't there? I hung on with him. I know, but he loves the Boston Bruy. I know. Did pasta not come? No. Pasta, it would have fucking broken your heart if he was there without you. So anyways, we...

Swamen? I don't think so. I don't know. I wasn't there. These are all my favorite guys, but obviously they're also the best Bruins player. So anyways, we're leaving. Shane's leaving. We're all leaving.

We go out in this big group. his group and me. I'm just solo. I'm Bobby. And the whole other group of people. There's another group of people. And that's me. And that's me.

I'm Bobby. It's Bobby alone. There's a group. But we're walking out as a group. But when you come out of the garden, you have to go down this elevator. Yeah. And then you come out into like almost a mall. Where the Bobby Orr statue?

Yes. So you come out. The night before we come out. of the elevator, we go through, we come out, we take a left, and we go down this thing and we get a cab. And have another cigar. Now, if you keep in tally, now. If we got the cigar tally

in the bottom left hand corner of the screen, so, blooping. So, they light it up and goes, k's, kittin. So I'm kind of going, I'm kind of, I don't like, I'm just walking with everybody. I take the left to where we, where I know to go, I go out the doors

and I'm walking, but it's not, he's with his wife, his wife, his friends, they're all talking. I just take a left to go this way, and I'm just thinking he's going that way too because that's the way you go. Were you having a conversation with someone that you thought was behind me?

I was actually texting Dawn at the time, so I was just figuring everybody was with me, and then I turned around. Did the door shut? It was like, yeah, I was outside. There's nobody there. So I was like, what the fuck? And I go, all right, well, fucking,

maybe they went that way. I'll catch them out there. So I went outside and I stood around, and I was like, ah, fuck it, he's with all his friends. He's probably hanging out. He's with his wife and all these young comics that he knows or whatever his friends. I go, I'm out. So I just jumped in a cab, and I wanted to see the fights.

So I went back to the hotel. And I go, I'll just wait for him out front. I went literally back to the hill. I sat out front, smoked the cigar. No, this part's crazy. That part's not right. I did. We came in a cab.

Sarah and I came in a cab. And that was a weekend that I got mouth cancer. Oh, fuck. That's crazy. Why I come black. So I was out front. I watched all the fights out front smoking a cigar until

until fucking, I don't know, 12 at night. Yeah. And I never, no Joe. So I was like, I. No Joe. You bailed. Sarah texted me.

And I texted her back. She texted me. She was like, Joe's almost asleep. He's fading. Is your cum black? She has. Do you have one more? Several things that are noteworked.

Sarah texted me a bunch of photos at 1112. And then she said... We were already back in the room. She said, you crushed. You crushed. If my wife told another man that he crushed, oh, I'd punch her directly in her fucking... You don't ever have to worry about it. What if she didn't mean it? Wait, it's because I don't crush her. I'll never have a wife.

Both. Someone else. So... She's texting someone. She texted me. You crushed tonight. I would, thanks, Sarah. Your husband killed it.

It was great to do. this with you guys. At this time he has an unresponsive text for me. There's no text from you. I wrote, are you still out here? No text. I texted. Are you still out here? Pull your phone out. I want to see the timestamp. Because we have an 1112. Oh, he wrote. Oh, yeah,

he did. All right. Can I just amend a few of these things? You still hear. I didn't, I did not get that. The night before. It was completely reversed. The night before, I had nobody. It was by myself. Bobby had his entire family. Bobby said, I'm getting out of here. I said, great. I'll go

with you. I'm so happy you're leaving. Then Bobby said, wait, wait, hold on. Let my brother finish his beer. And I said, no problem. That's not what happened. My brother, I go, I go, we got to get out of here. My brother went, I just got a new fucking beer. Sick. And I was like, all right, finishing beer.

And then you said to me, let him finish his beer. I'm pretty sure my brother can take me too. My little brother could take me. Is your brother? Is your construction worker from Staten Island? He is. He's a epoxy floor. He used to be a, he was a gill net fisherman in Gloucesterfield. Wait, Chad for a while. He's a big regs fan. He's a, I loves the rest. And he said, particularly he likes what

Trash Bobby. And shout out. I love it. And shout out Gilnet Fishing. Shout out that guy. Hardest job. I couldn't, I did it one day. I was going to fucking kill myself. Your brother's a dude. Yeah, he's a real man. I told you one time he was fucking with me. I go, dude, I'm still your older brother. I'll fuck. He grabbed me from behind and he picked me up and he

squeezed me and I heard crack, crack both my ribs. And I was like, eh, he's like, I'm sorry, bro. I love this guy. How to just take it? Back your ribs. Lenny from Misen men? He goes, Bobby. Bobby, I'll pet you.

Who farted? Who farted? Not me. Danny might have exhaled. Ugh. You fucking Jewel. Danny's just getting nervous. That's his sweat. Anyways.

Bobby said, let my brother finish his beer. And I said, you got it. And I sat and chatted with your brother for a while. They loved you. For about 20 minutes. I had a great time. Yeah, they're great, great people. So that's the reverse.

I had no family. Bobby says, wait for my family. I said, sure. We hung out. Then when we left, the same thing. I kept waiting because you said goodbye to your family. And you know how it is with family. You say goodbye.

Then you go to the next location. You say goodbye again. Right. Happy to wait. The next day, first of all, this thing of the comics, Doug Key was the one could be in the came back. It was my uncle Doug and my uncle, that was two middle-aged firemen.

One of them retired. Let me go back in the time. And a 50-year-old fireman. Let's go back in the timeline. Start the story over. Watch this. First cigar is Friday. Friday we have a cigarette.

Wait a minute. Before Joe showed up, I had a cigar by myself up front. Listen. I had a cigar in LA. Ding. Like six of them actually. The day I got there, I had a cigar. And then I had another one, a dog walker, a little one.

Here's the thing. I want you to just hear this out. You two. I know, all right? You two. I'm lost. I don't know what either of your ripes are right now. It's crazy.

I'm honestly still thinking about how angry I am that there isn't a Dunkin' Donut in the Boston Garden. So we left, hey, we left the club. We left the club. When we got separated. Duck club. When we got separated. When we left the Boston Garden. You're not playing fucking funny bone Boston.

So when we got separated from the TD Garden, I went this way, I thought, and then they were just gone. They must have went that way. I don't know where they went, but it was a big group of them, so I just went that way. Didn't get.

At that point, which was what, 10 o'clock? Yeah. Way after 10 o'clock. What time? Give me a time. Guys, pause this for a second. Just pause it, please. Because we're the audience right now.

I don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about. I just want to say to the audience. I don't know what your gripe is. What your gripe is, is a gripe that you didn't text each other back? Your fucking men, who cares? Honestly. Do you like naps? Yeah, after I hear the story, I would take one.

Jesus, me. All right, well, listen. We went straight home. It's fucking crazy. I went back to the hotel, too. It sounds like you guys left the show. He left the show, who cares? Here's what the thing is.

He texted me. I didn't see it because I was watching the fights on my phone. I saw Sarah's text. I texted her back. You went to the bathroom to your dog. And he was like, dude, I'm going to make love to my wife. I'm going to stick it in her butt. I'm going to fuck it and lick it.

So I was like, they're going back to do the thing. Let me let him go do the thing. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you just all that? Yeah. So what are you talking about? Yeah.

We're like right behind you. I want to know what the gripe is. In one sentence, in one sentence, what is your gripe? Bobby claimed, I don't. ditched him. All I did was slow down to say goodbye to my two uncles, grown adult men, not young kids. I didn't go up with his

family too. And then I got in a taxi with my wife, went back to the hotel. He claims he was outside smoking the cigar. We literally were home at 11 o'clock. I was out front the whole time, smoked a cigar. Maybe my cap showed up after yours. Maybe. Maybe that's what it was. That's what you figured out.

And then I texted, that you still out here, never heard anything. And then you're texting my wife and ignoring my I, you know what, that's the part. I didn't think he, I thought he just went in and said, fuck Bob, I'm going to get some pus. But, what, I respected that. I just respected that.

And he was with his family. I don't, I don't, I'm alone. I don't want to be the guy. Can I come? Bobby's like, he's with young comics showing the comics. They're literally a 50 and 65 year old fireman. Well, I'm just saying that I was like, all right, fuck it. I just went home by myself.

I think you guys had a homosexual weekend and you were upset when, it ended with heterosexual sex. That's right. On Joe's part. It pisses me off. And then I had a cigar. Ding. Ding.

Should we do plugs and wrap this episode up? Wrap it up. You all right? I don't know what the fuck just happened there. I don't know. But I'm bummed. I'm not going to see you guys in a while. Why?

I'm thrilled about it. I'm going to see Ari out in England. Yeah. Good luck. When does this come out? Next week. Monday on gas, Wednesday on YouTube. All right.

Well, this Thursday, Friday, I'm in London. Well, Thursday's sold out. Friday, London, and then Dublin, May 28th. There's got to be some people. Belfast, nobody's coming to that show. We got nobody in Belfast. Joe, that's a fun town. I can't wait.

The show will be interesting. Joe, I'm sorry I didn't call you. I love you, Bobby. I love you. Governors, June 12th and 13th. Everyone, all of our fans are on Long Island. You got to fill that one up. You want to have cigar after the show?

Yeah, absolutely. And then I just filled this one up June 18, 9th. 19 and 20. I'm in Calgary. Go check out the end. Ari Sheffir's show. Bobby's on it. Soder's on it. I'm on. We're all on it. Shane Gillis. Nate Bargatsy, Sarah Talamash, all the big ones. Go buy that. And then, oh, July 2nd, 3rd, Portland Empire Comedy Club. Can't wait for that. Thank you. All right. Who's next, man? Bring it up. Hi, everybody. I'm Dan Soder. This is coming out next week. I'm going to be at a Comedy Key West, June 1st and 2nd. That's a Monday and Tuesday. And then I'm going to be at the, by the way, buy tickets for that if you're near Key West. I know it's Monday Tuesday, but what a fun, which fun shows during the week. And then June 5th at the New Jersey Performing Arts Center.

It's close to sold out. So get tickets. It might be sold out by the time this comes out. But then I'm announcing a whole run of comedy clubs to build the new hour in July and August. I'm going to be at Comedy Vault in Batavia, Illinois. Love that club. I'm going to be going to Empire. I'm hitting all the ones I love the small ones.

Do an Empire. I'm doing a, I'm going to do the Port in Baltimore. Baltimore later in the year. I'm doing all, just, I'm taking a note. What about the attic? Yeah, I'm gonna, I don't know. I'm just taking all these clubs so I can build a new hour. DanSoter.com, listen to Soterter to the podcast.

I don't have to say that. Those are the clubs. I know, but I'm, but I'm, I'm, I'm back, baby. I'm doing these little clubs, the ones you play. No, you do, fuck you. You do. All right, Chappelle. I'm just going to sit there and talk for three hours.

Danzsoder.com. I love you guys. Lewis, what do you got? Okay. Come see me on the road. This is next week. I'll be in Springfield, Missouri. Tulsa, Oklahoma's coming up.

Oklahoma City, Rosemont, Illinois, Chicago, La Jolla. The Comedy Soor down in La Jolla, I love the comedy soar, Baltimore and more. Go to my website, Louisostscanx.com, check out all the other pods that I do. Sign up for my mailing list. Buy Bodyburn, coffee. Buy my book, Knives and Spoons. Just be a fucking real ass, dude. You know, you know, dude.

All right, check it out. I'm going to be in Cleveland. This is coming out next week, right? Okay, so I'm going to be in Stanford, the May 21st, one night only. Then I'm going to New Orleans to get some of that Skank Fest fucking fan. at the Howland Wolf on the 22nd, May 23rd. I'm in Mobile, Mobile, Alabama, Crescent Theater. And then I'm in Levittown on June 19th, 20th.

And then I'm doing the mothership July 4th weekend, the 3rd, the 4th, and the 5th. And I just booked this to Portsmouth, New Hampshire, the Music Hall Lounge. I'm doing that on July 25th. I will be there for Saturday night. Two shows, I believe, that night, two shows. so get your tickets for that and go to

I'm doing the Brooklyn Improv Did you know this? Yeah, it's a good club, dude Is it? It's a good club Uh yeah We've been having fucking awesome shows September I'm doing that

I'm doing Saratoga Springs There's a new club in Saratoga, I guess And I'm doing the Brooklyn Improv The 26th And then I'm going back to Boston Yeah, buddy On the 16th and the 17th So go to punchup dot life

slash Robert Kelly for all my dates. And you know what, guys, we'll see you next time on the regs.