Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Paul Virzi - Fifth Phone Call

Episode Date: September 28, 2020

One our favorites, Paul Virzi comes on to get some answers from Bobby on why THEY aren't doing together! After that, we look at how we'd react to charging animals, giant bats, and being rescued from snakes! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sabemos lo importante que es sentirse acompañado. Por eso en Caisha Bank ahora cuentas con un préstamo para hacer realidad tus ilusiones. Solicitan los desde el móvil 4 a.C. Informa ten Caisha Bank.es. Caisha Bank, tú y yo, nosotros. Siempre que se mantenga las de constancia económico financieras del solicitante en el momento de la solicitud. Yeah baby we're starting the podcast right now We're back you know what to live welcome everybody to the show I started the social media These back again

Back in the day we're it all started before them all So fun and crazy Keep fighting, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying, dying Yo, what's up everybody? You know what, dude? You know what? We're fucking back. We're back and full of fact. I'm very excited about today. I get excited. Look, I love doing my YKWD. I've been doing it for over 10 years. I mean, let's face it. I've been doing it before everybody. I mean, it's a fact, Jack, stick it in your face, mace, fucking put it in your ear, fucking deer. I'm rhyming, Gabby. Let me fucking rhyme.

It's not good. I mean, it doesn't have to be good, you fucking haired. It's fun though. I like it. Thank you, Paul. But I get excited when I have fucking people on I mesh it. Thank you Paul, but I get excited when I have fucking people on I mesh with when it's that when I am one with somebody we're like-minded yet different

and you know what this is one of those motherfuckers. Let me tell you something. Paul Verzi from the Verzi effect is one of those and I'm very excited. I'm Gabby. I'm happy you're here. Unlike my fans. But I hate me. Oh, they hate me too. So we just said Verzi looks like sexy Norton. Yeah, that's funny. That's how you doing. Buh-bye. Good, buddy. So you know, I was thinking about you today. Oh, good. I was saying to myself, you know, something me and this guy just fucking click. You know what it is?

We just, it's just one of those things. Like you said, like mine different in certain ways, you know. You're out of your mind and your ways. I'm out of my mind and my ways. Yeah, I can get dirt on my sneakers. You'll fucking kill somebody. Yeah, I'm a nice guy until my ex-florentine takes more than seven minutes.

You can wear a rope chain bracelet and pull it off. I look like a fucking gay pimple. But doing a podcast with you, for me, it's like, it's almost like we're stealing, it's, you know, not that we're stealing money. Lord knows you're not paying me. But it's almost like, it's like we're,

it's like it's fun. I can't pay you. I'm joking, I know. Of course you can't. I'm gonna send you something though. No, I'm kidding, I'm kind of like a cigar. But here's the thing. Here's the thing, I look at it like this.

You know sometimes when people say to you, hey man, you wanna do my podcast tomorrow at one? Yeah. And you're like, dude, like I, you know, I get. But when you are like, hey man, I'm doing this podcast, let's do a podcast, I'm like, yes. And I'll say this, you on my podcast, when you did the version,

you affect everybody was going, you and Bobby, just fucking click yeah and it's because of that I resent you because you've basically turned your back on me during the pandemic other than that yeah I don't listen I feel like you turn your back on me oh well listen the drama has begun all right let's get into it let's fucking dry suck it, but now it has to be lit. I'm gonna post it. It's gonna be toasted. One minute. One more second. All right, let's get the whole fuck.

And the who turns back on who's backs. One minute One more second. All right, let's get the whole point. And who turns back on who's backs? Let me say something. First of all, you bring up a very good touchy subject. Okay. During the pandemic, why do you feel that I've turned my back on you during the COVID-19

2020 pandemic of a lifetime. You know, there was a lot, listen, I get that you're doing stuff with Calta. So I can't be upset with that. Can't be upset with that. It's, I'm getting a little sick of, it's always these other fucking guys, okay? It's, I know you have an original click and stuff,

but you know, once in a while, once in a while I would like to fucking, you know, hey, man, let's go burn a stick and do it from the shed. I'll come down Okay, okay now we're gonna fall we're gonna oh We're getting in it. Oh Now you first of all this very few peep what are you drinking fucking peteer sure? and pete you're sure? So, water. Okay.

So, when you get little baby waters like that, why don't you just buy a full bottle? It's so cute. I got this on the jet blue flight yesterday and I fell asleep on the plane and didn't drink it. Got it. But you took it home? Yeah, I just threw it in the bag. What are you going to do?

Okay. Here's the deal. You guys want to know what I did with my fucking cheesets and peanuts too? I mean, let's get to this fucking. That wasn't me. I thought you were drinking with some fucking energy drink and then Gabby had to go down the fucking road. Where'd you get it?

What is it? Oh, that's so nice. I love it. It's cute. It's a fucking jet blue headphones with me too, okay? We're covered. Okay, fine. You make a valid point.

You make a valid point. When all this started, right? Before all this started, before pandemic, how do we say that? Pre-pendemic. Pre-COVID, yeah, BC pandemic. Yeah, sure, sure. Is that right? No, yeah. Anyways, meaning you were talking about doing something.

Yeah, we were talking about doing something. We were like, yeah, we got a blah, blah, blah, blah. And then you like, dude, I'll get back to you, blah, blah, blah. And you go off, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. then you like dude I'll get back to you blah blah blah and you go off up up up okay okay you go off and never get back okay well that's your version not well that's that's okay you let me know you just let me know when I can talk. So we talked about doing shit and then you kind of was, all right, do it. Let's, let's, and you never, I put, look at, I'm a guy that says, you want to, I'll do it. I'll fucking do it. But you gotta, you know, you gotta put your foot forward because I've been in the situation before, right? I go down the road with something and

then it's just a gas. It's not going to work out. And then I get disappointed or friendships get weird. I like, all right, let's do this, let's do that. All right, do go do that, let me know. All right, cool, I'm gonna work, I'm gonna make a call, we're gonna work it out. And then I let people, and if you don't come back, I get it, something happened, you thought second, you thought twice, you three times thought of,

maybe something else, somebody else, and this might have happened. And then that, okay, and it's all, and I go, okay, cool, it didn't have. Little let it go. That's what happened. Can I go? You know, you can go now. Go, go. Well, first of all, I'm sorry that me and my family got the virus to fucking weekend. I told you you had the virus and you denied it for fucking two months. That's because you were acting like it was age. You were talking like it was age.

You're like, Bobby's get AIDS. What the fuck? Well, here's how I look at it. We did talk about doing something because let's face it together. We're an unstoppable force. And here's the thing. What I was saying was when that happened and all the shit hit the fan and we were trying to figure out I was trying to figure out if I was gonna fucking be on a ventilator or not all that shit happened

So things take a little bit of a things take a little bit of a of a of a turn when you don't When you find out that every hospital around just filled up and you have the fucking thing that they're filling it up with It's a little scary You know, if the whole fuck up when I find out my wife and kids are sleeping on the couch and I'm fucking coughing for my life at night. Sorry if I got distracted about a patriotic. Okay. Then I see you and Calta who I love, you know, getting fucking going on to do a show,

I get that man, I get that. And I'll say, you know, I get, you fucking teamed up with a great dude and you guys fucking knew each other for years and that's awesome. But we are talking about something now that's still talked about. So, you know, we're talking about something now

with a couple of other guys. Well, we don't gonna get into that, but me and you were always, but it was never, it wasn't like something where if COVID and pandemic happened because you probably wouldn't be doing a show with Calda. I mean, you would probably be doing something, no? Okay, if, well, this is the scenario, right?

When all this stuff went down, right? My, in one night, my Calta stole my friend. Here's what happened. Wow! I'm upset. My Calta stole my fucking friend. We were gonna do something and this shit happened and I'm resentful.

Okay, fuck. What? It's jealous, he's being jealous. I might beful. Okay, it's jealous. He's being jealous I might be jealous. I might be fucking. I see you in Caltech fucking showing off guns, and I want to be a part of it Hey, I'm fucking resentful, okay. Thank you. I feel better now And you know, all right, you're right. Listen here Here's the thing Here's the thing. Okay, when this went down, now I had COVID too, but I'm going to say something that the

night it went down, I was like, we talked, me and call to talk. Mike, I know you were dying on a ventilator and everybody, you know, you were picking up flowers, but I was dying externally. Like 40 something dates. Literally the best year of my life was happening. Career wise, sold out theaters, creeps with kids. My own personal dates. I had five festivals I was going to. I had all this great shit.

We're doing all this fun. I mean, I got rid of baggage that was in my life. It was gone, negative shit. That was, you know, blah, blah, blah. And I was setting all this one night gone. And I have, you know, wife, kid, fucking, burn a doodle. I'm like, what the fuck? Seller, gone, backup plan. If everything getsodle. I'm like what the fuck?

Cellar gone backup plan if everything gets go I'll go to the seller. I'll fucking host every night I'll still make fucking four G's a month, right? gone gone I'm on a sand show My cult that goes dude. Here's what we do. This is my cult. Dude will do a show every night I we've always wanted to do this show Dude, we'll do a show every night. We've always wanted to do this show. Together, we'll do a show every night. We'll put it on your Patreon. My fans, your fans will fucking kill it.

He goes, let's just do it. I go, yeah, but dude, I don't know how the money that we make from the Patreon, I don't know if it's not gonna be, he goes, dude, when we get into fucking $10,000, $20,000, we'll fucking talk about splitting. But until then, you can use that, that's your money. I make a fucking, I'm good.

I do, and I love doing shit with you. So it was like a thing of passion, met a thing of necessity at the same time. Like we've always done shows together me and Mike. So it just went boom. And it just worked. And then the new fan base we created all that shit just worked. And it was just that's it. So it was just since then it feels like it's been a month, you know, because I mean, we do a show everything. It's the best thing to come out of COVID. You're really

It's right, but that being said You understand like if at that moment while you were on the ventilator just And you called up me and Michael and guys. I know you're doing a show I know you guys are doing it. When I get out of this and I will, because I'm pocket-paw-versi, I'd love to be part of this thing, the culture and Kelly and Verzi. I think we'd have a great... I think we have some. We'd be like, fuck it absolutely. Listen, I'm fucking, I'm half fucking with you. I know, I know it was, I get it.

I totally get it, but you know. Why, you want to, let's do a show together. What do you want to do? Let's do it. Well, we're talking about something. You know, I don't want to make sure that all the pieces are put together before we announce it, but we're definitely gonna,

you know, I think that this could be good. Yeah, we got, you know, you got to see it. I want to know. I know. You better tell me after the show. Listen, Paul, if there's any but look, I love my number one best friend, me and Mike and the fucking we're just, he's another one of those guys. I just what what what you put a number on it? What was that? I mean, he's my number one, but I mean, you could, I mean, you could say we're all friends. What the that? I mean, he's my number one bet. I mean, you could say we're all friends. What the fuck?

Talk about making somebody feel like shit. And then I look how he just went through it quickly. Listen, he's my number one best friend, but listen, buddy, we could do something. Your number fucking core. What? What the fuck? Number one.

I mean, you put a number on it. Like that just fucking adds salt to the wound what I mean what was either fifth phone call it was either fucking fifth text that Gabby made last night I'm in the middle of what you think is something I Could do it numbers one through four couldn't because something I fuck all I get it. You can do it. Numbers one through four couldn't. No.

No. No. No. No. No. One. You would number one. I said, Paul. Well, and I said, don't take no for an answer. I want Paul. That's true. And you just immediately said yes. She goes, who else? I go, there's no. That's it. Paul.

All right. well, okay Just say you didn't have to throw the number one in there. That's all right. Okay. Well listen. Here's the deal Here's a deal number two listen Hey, you're above Quinn Quinn used to be number two That's fucking great. I Know dude I That's fucking great. I know, dude. Let me tell you something. Because I've been watching you slowly over the last few years.

I've been watching you in a very creepy way. You know what I mean? Look at it, you're stuff and I'm watching what you do. Don't do that. I don't feel like don't do that. When you wear those glasses you're wearing a racist. Why? Because I feel like those are like those old Chinese glasses that you put on to have

those joke glasses. They're gag glasses. Are they all right? Those comes off. Oh, I thought those, I thought you would be in, I thought you were at, your eyes get very small on that. These are my real glasses. They're not racist glasses.

Are those reading glasses or they're just like prescription? They're prescription scene glasses. They're mascot, which is bougie. Oh, okay. Yeah, me and Paul don't deal with mascots. You spend hundreds of dollars on glasses. I spend a hundred dollars on glasses All right one time I spent but that was my wife I wouldn't spend five hundred dollars on a pair of glasses. I get these are from fucking geek

These are called geeks and they're fucking a hundred bucks and I put my thing in them and we're done, okay? And these are bifocals anyways, I die rest you got me on your glasses and they're fucking a hundred bucks and I put my thing in them and we're done, okay? And these are bifocals. Anyways, I digress. You got me on your glasses. You fucking millennial. See? They're all, they side-track you, you fucking, you I'm focused and then they bring something up and now you're talking about Gabbash, but it's it's it's digress not the rest. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna fucking digress this into somebody's fucking life. So, what you've been watching me for two years? I'm saying that I've been watching how fucking I just like what you're doing. I like the new studio. I like the little ranch you're going on.

I like the, you know, what you're doing with your social media, you're really pulling it all fucking together right now. And I'm a big fan of it. I love it. I love seeing, you know, what's happening, but here's another thing. There's nobody, dude, look at me and you, fucking, we've done podcasts holding a fucking,

a fucking fucking iPhone wherever my I was my phone holy shit we we sit there like this going back and forth and they have epic podcasts They really listen. It's it's it's weird to be on a podcast and talk shit about Doing good podcasts, but right every podcast I've with you, people have reached out and have gone, what the fuck dude, you two, you two together, this and that, and you know dude, honestly, not to, I think you're the, I mean, you are one of the funniest people walking on this planet, and yeah, I mean, we would take over and destroy, and I'm kidding, but no, it's like, And I'm kidding, but no, it's like, let's not even, let's not even, you know what? It's 2020, the world's coming to an end.

Let's stop with that, the fucking polite bullshit. We would fucking, here's why, because you're you, I'm me, we're fucking, Gabby's gonna be, yes, we're fuck, yes. Well Gabby's not involved in if we did a show, she's out. Why do you, you're just, you want to get rid of me? I know I know I know I know I Gabby if I was gonna get rid of you it would have been fucking two years ago trust me. I know you love me

That look it that's why and and part of me look you're part of this show and the fact that you piss people off the your here makes me tingle inside knowing that some kids like, dude she's ruining the show. Fuck you. Good. Good. It's like when it flies undone and so dude you fly is undone. I leave it undone. Fuck you. I hope you're fucked. All right. You should have tapped me and fucking bit a little more cordial about it and maybe we'll fucking keep Gabby off the show. But if you're gonna be out, I'm gonna be rude.

It's never gonna happen. I'm staying, babies. I'm kidding. Wait, do you think the end of the world's coming? You think it's over? I don't think it's over. I think we'll just get started, boy. I think comedies, to be honest with you, Paul.

Yeah. You know, I think comedies to be honest to you Paul, you know, I think comedies back to being fucking punk rock. I think all the bullshit with the I look God bless everybody who is doing arenas and taking private jets to fucking do you know, 20,000 c'ters and 30,000,000 c'ters God bless. But what I'm saying is comedy got so fucking up there, right? That you could get canceled Right, you can have everything taken away. Come these I just did a show on the someone's backyard Comedy's punk rock again, okay?

Backyard on grass no stage looking at a family having a fucking hamburger dinner looking at me like what? I'll tell you something I I'm not going to be able to get a family having a fucking hamburger dinner. Look at me like what? I'll tell you something. I agree with you, but I think the people was ahead of the show. What's there? Oh, I didn't see people.

I didn't see families eating hamburgers, but I was a host. There's a house way in the back of the field. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I know what you're talking about that.

I thought that that gig was great, but what I think is. I thought you actually went into somebody's private backyard for a show while they were eating burgers That's what I'm talking. No, I'm not a piece of shit. Yeah, I mean that line needs to be drawn somewhere, but of course It has gone underground. I was talking to Fred Ernst about it and he agreed he's saying what you were saying is like It's an underground thing, but the people that are coming out now. I just did a you know, half capacity in Cleveland, half capacity in Atlanta or 30% capacity in Atlanta and the people that are in the seats coming out, it's like it was never before. There's this thing of like I don't give a fuck that there's a pandemic if I'm safe and I'm social distance

I don't care that I could do a virtual show. I don't care that I could do a zoom show I don't want that I want live stand up and I think that that is I think that that makes people more excited so even though yes We're taking a hit numbers wise because of the pandemic. We're gonna take a hit in a pocket We're gonna take a hit as far as the amount of people at the show But the fucking people going there They're so excited and amped up and then I think when it does come back those people that couldn't do it are gonna come back to I think it's gonna roar again, but we need to weather the storm now

It's gonna everything's gonna sell out everything like music. Anything live people once they get to go ahead People are like itching to get out. It may be 2022. It may be 2022 But we're on it, please because if fucking that's a year away Yeah, okay, I got a mortgage, okay? 12 months is quick it It'll go quick. And plus, I said that, uh, say fucking numbers, stop saying numbers. What? Stop saying numbers. Yeah, but you said I, that's a year. That's only 12 months. It's 12 mortgage payments. Dude, that's a lot of fucking mortgage payments. My Bobby, if we have to go illegal, we'll go

illegal. I've made that mind. I've made my mind up. What do you mean? I will focus. Listen to me. I'm not just listening to me. I'm never going to an office. This is what it's just going to be. I'm never going to an office ever. Okay, ever.

So if God forbid, the shit hit the fan and I needed to make money, I will do criminal activity. It's just that simple constitution. What? Prostitution? Well, I mean, things got to get really bad for that. If it gets to that point then, you know, then I've sunk into a place. But if you become a prostitute, can I be your manager?

That's the show we're looking for, I think. I call Bobby. I'm like, listen, I'm trying to turn tricks, but can you make them at least attractive? Yes, so they call me the hot nor in that's your catchphrase And my guys have video what is your video Mike? Oh Every time burgers on we watch animal videos and we have one that would be perfect for you guys I hang on to that because I want to go with this thought right now. Listen, Virzy. Yeah.

If shit does go south, you know, I, if thing goes, if thing goes, things go bad. Yeah. I just came back like yesterday. I was looking at land up and fucking the hamster in the, in the mountains. OK. Here's the deal. Yeah, things go bad. There's options. You disappear

somewhere far away. Get a cabin. God, listen, I'm going to I'll get a tiny home, live off the grid. I will fucking make dude. I can I know I can make fucking great little key chains out of wood. I'll whittle some shit. You're gonna get on me. I'll get dawn to make earrings out of some horse shit. We find in the backyard. We'll sell it to these fucking shitty tors that come up to the hampsha will set up a little little table. I'll get an Etsy page. Well, I'll be good. I'll be fucking good. I'll hug squirrels. Well, fucking eat oatmeal with ramen.

Max will fucking be a mountain man, he'll grow up as a fucking real man just having to survive, right? I mean, here it is, but if we go illegal, if you're gonna go illegal, I might just stay here and fucking we, I say we redo the mob. We could start a low level mob, you know? We could start, yeah. We, you know, we could start.

Yeah, we don't get involved in big drugs or anything like that, but it's just, you know, just we make we offer protection, we take a piece of businesses, we make sure everybody's happy, we take care of it, but yeah. We get a little mild prostitution, we'll get girls like Gabby. No, no, like like you, not you. I don't want to deal with your fucking all your horses I said I wanted candles in the room if I'm gonna do this Should have a rider her father's lawyers will be up our ass Hooker with a rider that's hilarious. You know fucking the guys would come out. Hey dude, what's up? I want my money back. Why? She bored me.

I'd be like, I want to talk. I want to talk. Oh, but you said you said before, oh, you know, if we did this and that, it'll be listen, there's going to be, I honestly believe this. I think everybody needs to calm the fuck down. I think that shit's going to be really weird until the election. And then I think for about eight weeks after the election, regardless of who wins, shit's gonna be weird for a little bit.

But then after Christmas, January goes and people settled in and they know that this is what's going on. And COVID, if COVID stays down, I was playing golf with a doctor who was in the second worst hospital in New York. The first one was Elmhurst where they were putting bodies in a truck. The second worst one was the one he was at in the Bronx.

And he said, every fucking 15 feet, there were three nurses huddled together crying. People were dying in the fucking hallway. And he goes, I said, is this coming back? And he goes, it's 100% coming back. But when it comes back, we know the enemy. It's not going to be the same. It's, you know, you got to understand. When that shit hit, it was like a quarterback just

can't hit from the blind side. Nobody knew shit. It was just, you're like, what's happening? Now, it's like, oh, there's therapies. Hospitals have enough equipment now. They're prepared for the next wave. If there is one, numbers will be down. But this idea that I'm listening to people say,

all comedy's over. This is everything's done. We need to re, it's like, listen man, that's not the case. Plus, here's the other thing. I'm gonna say this, and this is nothing against podcasts, okay? But I'm here in these fucking comedians, multiple comedians, friends of mine, going, it's about podcasts, okay? But I'm here in these fucking comedians, multiple comedians, friends of mine going, it's about

podcasts, it's podcast, it's, I think it in this business to be a fucking radio host. I didn't drop out of college, okay? I want to stay in college and got a fucking communications degree, and I would be talking sports somewhere on serious, but I didn't get in this business to look in a camera. Go ahead, it's fucking comedian, Paul, you believe it? I did that as for my fans as a byproduct of stand up. Stand up comedy is what I love. A thought that you have and you just go on stage and do it. No other job gives you that and that's what I want to do. If podcasts will help me make money

great, but I think people need to calm the fuck down and do what they love. I agree with you, but I got something to say too. Here's why I love stand-up comics. I'm perusing Instagram in the morning and I'm going through people's stories. You cannot ever kill comedy. This is why I love, we're punk rock now and this is why I say that. Not everybody's accepting it, not you can't go to it, we're doing it in weird places. I'm seeing, I saw a girl on a fucking pallet in the street performing

in front of seven, eight people on the sidewalk. I saw another comic that we know in a park by an oak tree in front of fucking 20 people. I saw another, we will fucking, now look, I'm not gonna do that, hijinks, because I'm better than that. I just wanna outdoor show in the middle of the street, like literally stage on one side of the street, audience on other side, cars going through. Listen, yeah, because you're, yeah,

yeah, because you know, you should do that. But the thing is, is that me and Versailles aren't gonna do that, but I'm happy that comics, we don't give a fuck, dude. I did a show at the Wuhan Saturday night, two shows, outside. Now, let me tell you something, the temperature dropped around 15 degrees

when the sun went down. The second show is at nine o'clock. People were there with blankets. There was a dummy there that had shorts on, because during the day it was a little warm and it didn't go home to change, literally shivering during the show. It was, I had a jacket on the whole time.

It was epic. It was fucking amazing. You're right. Crowds that are coming out right now are here, no rain. I've done shows in the rain at Versailles. I was out the rain cloud came over. I was like guys it's raining. They're like keep going who gives it shit. They just got wet because they love stand-up comedy. And I agree with you. It's not going anywhere. And I didn't get this

business to I love podcasting. I have a podcast network. I have been doing this for 10 years. I love this this form of creativity, but nothing will ever replace me on stage Saturday night in front of fucking 50 people under a tent and I'm just fucking annihilating. Yeah, just fucking banging boom and people in the end people outside standing ovation, and you're like, I love stand up comedy. I just made fun of pretty much everybody here, and they're fucking applauding it, because they had such a good time, you know?

So you're right. I agree with you 100%. Yeah, and listen, I don't think you could be ignorant to the fact that you have to adapt. I don't think that you should ignore the fact that yeah, look dude, the pandemic came, I built a studio in my house off my garage. I obviously, yeah, I did things that I was lacking in my career because my career was so based on standup and after the special did good, I wanted the next special to be good, so my number one focus was stand up but I was like alright what could I work on

I'm here I'm home for six months okay let's get the online shit going let's build a fucking studio let's let people know more about me before they come and see me so I did that but the idea of doing stand up is over it's just like people are always gonna want to watch somebody with the ability to tell a good story to entertain them And here's the bottom line the reason why too is life is sad. We're all gonna die Life is sad. We're watching people die. We're watching a pandemic We're watching people lose their jobs and bad shit

But you know what if you're sitting in a fucking lawn chair and one of your favorite comedian goes up for an hour And he just starts making fun of everything and you realize oh shit We are all gonna die. We might as well laugh and have a good time. That's exactly why comedy's not fucking going anywhere. You know, so that's how I feel. I agree, dude. I mean, I was, when I was at that fairfield gig, if you, if I drove by that shit last summer and you were like, dude, would you ever do a show there? I would literally pull the car over and tell you to get out.

Yeah. Yeah. Stop. Get out of my, don't put that hex on me. Would you ever do a show there? I would liwi pull the car over and tell you to get out Yeah, yeah, don't stop get out of my foot. Don't put that hacks on me. Don't put that that jim Don't you know what I had a fucking I was on the grass. No, stay walking around a Blast a fucking blast you did a show that I did I did the I was telling you about the the Emilio gig in Fairfield, right? So this couple comes up to me after I did it. And it's just it's people in, you know, chairs and tables and some people on the grass, but they made it nice with the light on you. And I just, I just want to add something to that. You just said something. There's no club. There's no tables. There's no food. There's nothing. So what do people love stand up so much? What do they do? Ah, we'll bring our own chairs. We'll bring our own food. We'll bring our own fucking glasses. And my older brother, my older brother and

his girlfriend showed up with chairs and they went to Dick sporting goods that day to get them. That's so good. And then I come to find out more people sitting there did that. But this couple comes up to me and this couple after the show comes up to me and they go, we've been such fans for a long time. We were at your special at the Terry Tom Music Hall and this is so cool and they go, I never realized how cool it was to be sitting in a field, in a chair, watching some of my favorite comedians come up here and just tell jokes outside. And I was literally asking them questions.

I go, was it, was it, could you see me with the light? I tell jokes outside. And I was literally asking them questions. I go, was it, could you see me with the light? How is the sound? And they were like, it was incredible. They were like, it was incredible. And I was like, holy shit, they don't care. If they're warm and comfortable and they're watching their favorite comic,

they'll watch you on fucking Mars. If they don't care, even if they're not warm and comfortable, if laughter is just a motherfucker, man. And look, I believe that about music too. I mean, I think music and comedy go hand in hand and it's sad to me that New York City, these fucking assholes are holding back live entertainment. It's like, you're holding back live entertainment is, it's an essential essential you don't understand music. I watch gnome gnome dormant yesterday. His wife sent me a link. I'm driving in the car

right back from the hamster. It's a link to him and his two buddies call in and the other guy in his backyard doing a live feed music. They had the amps hooked up the guitars or acoustics and they open up with the Beatles song and I'm watching him and they had people over that they know because it's kind of COVID you know it's social distancing and thousands of people were watching this live and they're in the backyard his backyard and they jammed these songs and I was like this is I was smiling I was singing I mean my car you can never fucking underestimate the the the necessity for people to be entertained. Yeah it's it's it's it's I didn't realize I didn't realize the

necessity of it until this. I knew people loved it. I knew people like to be distracted and left, but I didn't realize until COVID that it's actually something people need. They actually need us, whether they look at us as modern day clowns and gestures or whatever the fuck it is, they need to be distracted. And if they're a favorite person who tells stories and jokes is up there doing it, they'll pay for it. They'll go wherever they need to go, you know And and I think that I think that it's gonna roar back. I don't think it's coming back I think it's gonna roar back. I think everything you know after the crash of 29 or whatever it was in the in the great depression

People are online for bread and all that shit when it came back when things came back after that It was it was like lines for everywhere, movie theaters packed, restaurants packed, live entertainment packed. Think about this, Gabby, you're dad, on Jovey, right? They're doing a tour, they're everywhere, all of a sudden it stops and people realize, wow, we can't even go and see our favorite band. Do you know what's going to happen with all these other bands and all these bands and music went, oh dude, guess what? The smashy pumpkins are doing, you know, food fighters are at the garden

and there's no capacity limit now. That fucking thing is people are gonna be like this. Obviously I'm talking about when people aren't afraid anymore. You know, I heard your thing. I gotta jump in again. I, Bon Jovi actually did a live show without Gabby's dad the other day. Oh yeah, but he couldn't do it. Okay. Well, why would you say it? I noticed that you know, Jovi's doing and they had another keyboard player going down down boom, boom, boom, boom,

boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, and... TV is now prioritizing Broadway, so he lets, he's like, I don't need to be there. All right, well, there you go. Um, very easy. Everything's going to sell out. It's going to be the Roaring Twenties again. It's like the Spanish influenza was then the Roaring Twenties. It's the same thing is going to happen.

He just said that. So if you literally just went on a beautiful fucking rant about it, I ended with that. And here's the best part. If it doesn't come back, if it doesn't roar, okay, I'll just, I'll do crime. The one thing that's pieced in my heart is I'm never going to a real job. So we're either going to get this thing going or I'm just going to a real job. So we're either gonna get this thing going or I'm just gonna be on the run from the law And that's right. Yeah, so I Yeah, I had to meet you because there's like 20 ice cream trucks to keep going around your block

I'm on the circuit of ice cream trucks Fucking my apartment. I thought I heard what's wrong. Will you just go and live somebody new and normal? I am I'm moving tomorrow Where go somewhere normal stop living in the fucking trendy weird part of bro Hey, I want to I want to be able to fucking I want to get tea and I would have honey on my roof. I want to own my own bees my neighbor makes around soap and has honey upstairs and we Just go to a normal fucking neighborhood Stop trying to be so different

He puts on my roof. He said I want to have my own bees as fuck hilarious. I just got rid of my bees So I have something to give you. Oh my god my kids and I I'm gonna say this, his walls were infested with a beehive. Jesus. I mean, why is anybody in New York City anymore? Get some fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. Are you kidding?

New York City right now is like New Orleans. Everyone's in the streets. There's no laws. It's positively dangerous. It's like you're living in a lawless state. I can't wait the next week We talked to her. She's got a scar going down the side of her face and her all her fucking jewelry's gone Yeah, when there's a gun to your fucking head on park Avenue Yeah, she's headed back to the gritty sure to fucking live with her dad in the mansion

She's gonna hide out be a recluse for the rest of her fucking life because fucking New York was so fun Shout out. You're gonna get killed. I've already got jumped once. I'll get jumped again What if if my you got jumped I got jumped in New Jersey of all places. Oh, that's of course she did Well, who jumped you a gang member? What a he died? He died in a car crash. He never got caught and then he died in a car crash. Oh, what did the car hit him? What was coming out of the car? What was the song playing?

Wounded! Wounded! Wounded! Wounded! Did I just say like, if my family was in Bon Jovi during this, I would be living in a mansion with a video game room with in what, in tidy whiteies for fucking six months.

Oh no, you think I didn't want to do that? My dad got COVID. My whole family had COVID. They wouldn't let me go home. They're all COVID positive in my house. They wouldn't let me go home. Now they all are all over the world with antibodies. And I'm fucking licking cabinets,

trying to get some sort of residue to get the fucking antibodies Listen Paul you're absolutely right. I wouldn't let her fucking Sorry Paul I'm apologize. I apologize to listeners. I can't drink this anymore. This blackberry shwebs is fucking me If I if I was David Brian's son I can't drink this anymore. This blackberry shwebs is fucking me. I can't reveal. If I was David Bryan's son, I would still be home. I'd be home. There'd be a wing of whatever house we had

that would have my pool. I would be my pool of games. I would be fucking my friends to be over. I wouldn't do shit Whatever you want to be able to get the money. I you know, whatever take care of a couple things here and there I would be a 50 year old Fucking loser Enjoying my life

With a fucking semi hard on with tidy white ease and a fucking guitar around my neck Walking around on a fruity pebble's diet, on a fucking fruity pebble's diet, I'd be playing, I'd be playing Call of Duty, and fucking Fortnite in my underwear, drinking chocolate milk until I was 55 years old, and I would wanna fucking allowance. That's what we want. And I wanna allowance and a hooker allowance.

Would you mind if I could ask a question? My brother probably has both of those things, you don't understand. I don't want to have to listen to hopes and dreams at a bar to get somebody back. I want a hooker allowance. I want to hit a button, get a phone call and fuck and I want an English butler like fucking author. I want a guy to wake me up in the morning at like 12 in the afternoon. Robert, it's time to get up. You shit.

Do you think this is an option for me? I go home and I get force fed margaritas till I'm hammered every now. I stayed home for a month this quarantine and I have to come home. Why did you have to come home because you're going to die of alcoholism? Because I was going to die of alcoholism because I was gonna die of alcoholism I was like I'm just integrating her parents fucking can drink and her father drinks and he's he's the same The whole fucking night. He's just the same guy. Oh, yeah, he's fucking hammered and all of a sudden you just see it Yeah, he clicks in he's a yeah, yeah, oh, they can drink. They drink like 1978 drinkers, like 1978, 75.

There's a full bar in my basement. Would they have parties till 4am every night? Yeah, that's like, yeah, do you like survive? I liked your dad when I first met him, but then he said he liked my comedy because he saw me like three times live And they were at the fat black together and he got excited when I got on stage and he was laughing and I was just like All right, this guy's great. It's got good taste

He's the best one time I left him alone in Underground and I was I was taking pictures of the show and I was like to stay here at the comic table Don't talk out loud. He likes to hear jokes and then say them full volume out loud. I was like, don't do that, just laugh, whatever. I get back to the table 12 minutes later. He has six empty vodka's in front of him. And he is belligerently drunk with his arms around dancewater holding him.

That's hilarious. That's hilarious. I just spilled the whole fucking club soda down my slipper. I love my slippers. I'm doing the show in my slippers, now my slippers wet. Feels like I'm fucking, foot fucking, I'm mopping. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Paul. Yeah. Paul. Yeah. Paul. Yeah.

Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. So here's the deal. Here's the deal. Mush has got a video we're gonna show you right now. Okay. If Mush is available, he might be fucking, have a B suit on scraping honey like Poo Bear. Mushy available. I'm here. Let's see this video. And there's the fucking awkward Mush pause.

And here's the Mush pause becausepaws. And here's the mishpaws because it's internet. Here we go. You ready, Paul? Make it big. Duff. What is that? It's a bow. What the fuck is that? He's bow hunting. He's trying to catch a bear is he gonna fucking shoot it

wait fuck is he going oh this is like a horror movie dude dude. Yeah, is he gonna fucking? The set of that looks like fucking bigfoot dude. What is that? That is fucking did I think you stand on two legs? This is wild. Oh, okay. What the fuck dude?

Shit. Oh my god wait for it Did the bear fucking what what happened hold on Bear that's not the bear. That's not the bear, isn't it? Fuck me Sure, it's not a wrong chemical. Nah, bah, nah, it's a scary meme, I got what? This guy's fucking brain injured. Uh, what happened? He's not injured, he was in a patient, that wasn't... What

He was a He's a laskin he's from Alaska he's a Inuit holy shit. He didn't say does he brain dead because he had an accent No, not because he had an accident. He went I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went before I said it went I said it went before I said it went before I said it went I said it went I said it went I said it went I said it went I said it went I said it went I said it went I said it went I said it went I said it went before I said it went I said it went Holy shit dude, death, you know, I don't know if the people that played that know that animals freak me out like that. I'm like, did you see that fucking human size bat? The bat that was the size of a human hanging upside down? Yeah, what's that? What's that, Trump? What is that?

On the Fox bat. No, no, no, no, whatever. This thing had, and then there's a dog face bat. It's a fucking bat with the face of like a hound. You ever see that? That guy was not Asian. People are saying he's Eskimo. He's an Eskimo. Yeah, like in you it. Yeah. Was it in English? What do you say? It's an Eskimo accent. I don't fucking know. Sorry. I didn't have an Alaskan for an Eskimo fucking interpreter, but it sounded like he was having like a five five or five. What did he say again? What did he say again? He goes, yeah, she didn't fit behind it.

That's what he said. That freaked me out though. Yeah, look at that fucking thing, dude. Yeah. I mean, if I saw that thing, I'm gonna be honest with you. If I saw that thing, I might just collapse of Stone Cold fear

and just be frozen like Hermione in fucking Harry Potter when she was in the bed and she just fucking was sick. You would see me like this, just Stone Cold frozen if that thing came after me. It was like a puppet. It's a flying, it's called a flying fox. Yes. No, basically what it is.

No, go to the one that was all black and it looked like a human being in a Halloween costume hanging upside down. It was all black hanging upside down. It was the size of a human and it looked like somebody's arms and it was real. Oh Mike if you could find that it's hanging upside down. Just go like human size bat hanging upside down and you're going to see a black bat hanging from its feet and it looks like a six foot one basketball player in a Halloween costume. Did you see, did you see the video me and Don and Max and Aruba? Which one? No. So me and Don years ago, 14 years ago, when we go to, we're going to rule for 20 years, 14 years ago, when I asked it and married me pretty much one of those trips, we went to

the backside of a rubah which is all caves, okay. It's all caves. The front side of a rubah is all hotels and beautiful beaches and not any waves. The backside, very wavy sharks, it's all ancient shit and there's caves. All kinds of, you you know caves and old churches and shit from way back in the day right fishing huts All the stuff so we went on the caves hang on Mac in the middle of my fucking story I mean literally in the store hold off on that for one second. Let me get back to my story Bring me back up, man. Thank you mush mush. I mean, in the middle of the fucking story. I mean, I'm in the story. Persia was I in, I had you.

I mean, you had me when you said sharks and caves and ancient shit, I was locked. I mean, I saw you. I know when you're a fucking... When I got you, you were fucking nodding your head. I was locked, yeah. And then we brought up the fucking... The human-sized bat, and you went, oh, I saw your eyes shift. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, that freaks me out too, so. But, uh... In a room, my dog runs around.

You saw my dogs running around over there, right? On that side, exactly. That's where they have the dog, right? Okay. So me and Don find this cave, right? On that side, exactly. That's where they have the dog, right? Okay. So me and Don find this cave. We go to this cave mush. I'll in a minute, we're going to bring that up mush. Moush, try to find the video on my Facebook, my, my Instagram of the bats, okay? And have both the bat things ready to go.

So do we go into a cave 14 years ago? You walk in, it's dark, it's like a tunnel. You go through all of a sudden opens up. There's a hole in the roof, sunlight's coming through. It's called Lovers Cave. And there's all these other caves that go off of it that you kind of go down and you crawl through and it's sand.

So this last year, I said we should rent the full wheeler with the four people on it. We'll go back there, we'll take Max to the caves. We drive all the way over to the second hour and something minutes. All these sandy desert roads, we get, we're on the back side of the island, there's nobody there. We pull up to this cave, we found it, we go inside,

you kind of walk through this black tunnel and you go in and opens up. It opens up. There was a couple people there. All of a sudden, rain starts coming through. It's raining outside. So it's like the rain is shooting through the roof into this cave. It's like a shower. We're sitting out of it. It's beautiful. Me and Dawn, like, remember we came here 14 years ago when we were in love before we were married and it was like this moment right all of a sudden you hear Don go bat. Well it was bat and we were like whoa whoa we're kidding around. There's another bat. Don fucking hates bats. Apparently all the little caves we were going in inside there in the ceiling bats.

So I zoom in on one of them, it's hanging upside down in the little holes. You don't even see them when you're walking around. If you looked up, you'd see them, right? All of a sudden the rain is making the bats flip the fuck out. Oh, shit. Now there's, she's like, there's another bat. Another bat, there's one, two, three, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Hundreds of bats. Whoa. And Matt, now, ten, hundreds of bats. Whoa. And Matt, now, don't freaking out, Max is fucking freaking out. I'm fucking freaking out. We gotta go through a gauntlet. The duck, we gotta go through the cave to get to the opening. You can see the opening, the light, where we gonna walk through complete darkness,

and you can see the bats, from the little, and I'm watching, mosh, you got the video? I gotta give me one second. There's two different Instagram windows up here. So. Is it just you guys? Me, Dawn, Max are in this cave by the way. That's it. I had to go like this.

I said, Max, daddy's gonna swear for the next minute or two. Watch this. Make it big if you can. So there was people there all of a sudden everybody left right look at this beautiful look at the rain coming through I can't hear the sound, Matt. Pause it and get the sound. We've been mushed for the first time in the show. We've been mushed. Please don't go. Where's the bat? Where's the bat?

Where's the bat? Where? Look at his serious, he's getting. He's getting red. Look, he's getting red. He's getting red. Look, he's going back. Look at his serious, he's getting. On the very back, he's got to be playing. He's got to be playing. Look, he's getting concerned. Oh, look, we're listening on.

Oh, there's bats, Max. There he is, there he is. Look, watch this. I find the one bat, right? There he is. Oh, there he is. There he is. There in the holes. Wow.

Oh there's one hanging up, say down. Oh I see it. See it right here. Oh yeah. Sample buddy. Let me go right down. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Oh man they ran. I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding Oh

Max we gotta go All right, we're gonna go oh We gotta go we have Maximus we have to go now we gotta go. I thought we gonna look at this We're gonna go this guy alright I gotta be the man if you're gonna follow me you're all mom They're all coming out to this hall. I miss coming. Oh shit mom I can swear now. All right, buddy. I want to put this on your head. I put this on my head Mom, they're all right there. Oh my god There's so many batch right there

I see them see them all find the whole room guys. Okay, come on. We'll be in between me and mom. Let's go That's fuck you. I said it max. I'm fucking sure Okay you I said it max I'm fucking sure okay okay okay Let's go let's go come on Okay, wait wait wait wait Okay, thanks. This dude It was It's hard to see in the video, but then when the little white hole that we had that we had to walk it They will you can hear them hitting your ears. Oh Dude that would have freaked me out dude. I had a full-fledged panic attack

I almost did it. I'm I don't really panic with shit like that But I was you could hear him flipping by hundreds of them my favorite part of video my favorite part was when Bobby goes Fuck you. I said it max. I said it. I said it max. Oh, that's great. Hi, shit. Yeah, she like that. Show that now those are little bats regular backs. Most show this fucking this this flying dog that Versus talking about. I mean, the one on the right. If the one on the right, it looks like it's got elbows. I mean, the the one on the right. If I like it's got elbows. I mean, the one on the right, if I saw that dude,

it'd be a big drop. I mean, look at that fucking dick. That's real? Yes. That's real. He's got shoulders like Mike Tyson. That thing has shoulders and elbows. It looks like a person in a Halloween costume.

That's a real bat. I think, I don't know which country in Asia, but they're like, they can be like five foot five and they hang upside down dude And it looks like a person if I saw it oh Yeah, no no, that's not even the same one. I don't think Is eating bananas? What is he day seem fruit? Why are you so much about this much like I mean have a house? It's not in the room with me

Could you imagine if that thing got in your house? I Mean how would it just waltz in the front door how the fuck would something that thing looks like it at fucking keys and walking May eggs said that's Robert Patterson from Batman That's Robert Patterson from Batman So Verzy here's a deal me and you We're fucking we're out Right we're out we're out of favorite we're out camping. Yeah, and I got you But we'll do you mean you went down to South South America?

And I got you go to we go on this zip line shit all those cool stuff But we go in the jungle I get this you know this this this camping expedition and we're walking through the fucking woods And then all of a sudden we're gonna stop for the night We're gonna stop the sun's going down, we lit a fire, everything's good, we got a guide. But he disappears, he's like, I'll be back to go, I'm going to get you, I'm going to get you some water and I'm going to get some fish for dinner.

Yeah, I'm the script, you don't know where he's from. I'm not making fun of anybody, just so I don't want to peel. I don't, you'll go get some fish'm not making fun of anybody just so I don't want people. I don't know. Go get some fish. But then I'll you is a native. Yeah. All right.

Native. I don't know if you can. I mean, native. You can't say he's a native of the land. You can't say that. I mean, what can I say? What can we say to not get in trouble? Okay.

It's like I don't even know it. You're the guy. All right. I mean, not a native. Sorry. Whatever. He's a native. He's a native of the area of that He's a townie. So he goes he goes

He's like, I'll be back in the in the minute to do. I'll be back with fish and water Okay, so me and you're like, well, sun's going down the fires that mean you're smoking bats all of a sudden You look in the fucking tree. Yeah, right? Don't even tell me. You look in the fucking tree and you see, I'm 100%. You see one of those fly down, grab it, hang upside down, and just fucking wrap itself up.

Then all of a sudden, you see another one. I mean, you look up at the sky and there's like six of them flying around. Like what sort of auzz? I would scream, this is what would happen. I would scream, Bobby, what the fuck? Look at that fucking thing. And then I would just start running

and I would fucking scream for that fucking asshole who left us. And as soon as I found them, I would beat the shit out of him with the fishing poles that he's trying to get his food with, for leaving me with two fucking dogs that were hanging upside down. I would freak out and then, I would fuck, I thought you were gonna say an anaconda. Now, now that, now that is something that you would see a different side of me.

Cause a couple things could happen. If I saw a 40 foot anaconda and you go, Verzy, Verzy, do, don't, don't freak out, but do, there's like a 40 foot snake. It's, and it was a big, I would either throw up and pass out or I would just have to abandon where I was. I would, I, if I saw an anac, that would be a big problem for me, because for me, that's my number one fear. Number one of anything. Anaconda. If, if, I think this, I might think this, if I'm on an airplane,

which is a scary thing for me, it took me for years to now, now I could fly all the time, but if I'm on an airplane and there was a chance they were like, listen, things are gonna get hairy, we think we could make it, but it could be hairy. And I had to deal with that fear. I would deal with that fear,

knowing that there's a chance when this plane landed, we could fucking cartwheel and I could be killed or blown up knowing I would rather that fear I think than be sitting at a campsite with Bobby No offense not that Bobby. No not because of you know Bobby but if I'm sitting in South America near the Amazon or whatever and me and Bobby are smoking bats and a 40 foot anaconda starts Aggressively coming towards it. That, that's number one fear for me. Paul, you can't pay. If you pass out, there's nothing I can do.

I'm gonna have to let it grab you. What? Well, if you passed out, I would try to drag you. I would help you. I'm not gonna watch my videos. I'm not gonna watch my number three. I'm not gonna watch my number three best friend get swallowed by a fucking Anaconda.

What the fuck is those two wanted to? I'm not gonna watch my number three best friend get swallowed by a fucking And that was just a call back to get you mad because of what you said to me Dude if I saw an anaconda start to fucking constrict you and I pat no no that's not what I said dude If you saw an anaconda and I passed out called I I'm out cold. You're gonna, first of all, try and drag me. You're gonna get two feet, and you're gonna be like, this is too hard. I'm gonna tap you and go, Bob, Bob, Bob, you gotta get up, dude, it's coming. And I would try slapping you a little bit.

Then I would take the cantina water, and I would dump it on your head. And then if the third or fourth try, you didn't come to, I would say I love you, kiss you on the forehead and run. That's beautiful. I mean, I would definitely tell you, I'll tell your family, you're a hero. Like, I'll do all those things.

It's the Anaconda just waiting patiently, while this is happening. What if, what if when you did that, though, here's the kid, here's the fucking problem with that. You're running the risk because the anaconda I'm dead I'm fucking dead. I'm I'm nothing when you ever try to feed a feed a snake. They like live shit It sees you running away Goes right over my body

Oh right And it fucking I Wake up I see perfect nighties Jordan ones You just see Jordan just start to disappear in this fucking Okay, now what if you so What if okay now what if you saw Where did you just got genuinely scared? Yo dude, can you take that I can't look at that. What is that what the fuck?

First he just jumped Yes for me, I mean if that thing that was in its mouth was Bobby I would be I would do everything I could but I could what can I go? No listen I would do everything I could, but I could, what can I do? That's a deer. No, listen. Orz, you gotta, I mean, look, that thing, that's a deer. I think that was, it was a deer. On a smile, but not big. Because it on hinges.

No, I know. It's not a hinge. So now, okay, here's a scenario. Here's a scenario. Look, it's, the mouth on hinges. Dude, that is the number one most frightening thing to me. Do you know that they showed an Indian man? An Indian man was fully swallowed. He passed out outside of like a... He was in India. He passed out drunk outside and they showed an anaconda with a fucking lump in its stomach and they said it swallowed a man.

Really? Yeah, dude, dude, I can't. I want to see a picture of that. I mean, you can't let me go. It can't be your legacy. Okay, I'm in the fuck, the thing got me. You see my little fucking, my little feet sticking out with my, I I got I got new balance because I don't care about sneakers I got a new fucking you know Seltzer Sultz fucking little slippers

I got I got sketches sticking out of the mouth I got sketches sticking right out of that's next mouth right I Got comfortable Sketch your walking shoes You but you can you but you you see my feet but you hear this your walking shoes. You can have a fun thing, right? But you see my feet, but you hear this. You walk up to that thing and cut that fucker open and get me out. Here's what I would do. Normally my answer,

oh, that's a person, dude. That's a person. Okay, now imagine I'm in there, ready? I'm in there. Oh, great part. You might find yourself, yes. So here's the question. Normally I would say you would just hear footsteps

and me saying, I love you, get distant and distant and distant, but if it was in the middle of getting you, and you're going, I would help, help, you know, I'm a father, right? If you that happen, I would, I would go up to that fucking, that devil serpent. Okay, if I fucking, because then I'd get angry. What would happen is I would get angry now. Now I would get angry. I would be like, you got my fucking, if I'd start talking to a fucking thing. I'm like a mom.

I'm a fucking friend of yours. Then I would take a fucking knife. I would stick it, I'm getting angry. I would stick it in its head in the top of its head. And I might cut you, but I would make sure that if I went into its head, I wasn't gonna get too deep and I would cut its head and I would start talking shit to it and I'd be like, you scared of a fuck,

get my friend out of you and then I would rip it down and then I would fucking do this and I'd fucking pull you out like the hero that I am and I'd be like this. I would be like this, I'd be like this. Oh, dude. Oh, dude. Thank you so much.

Give me the fuck out. Oh, no. It's that. Oh, and I would fucking save you. And you would go, my God, and then I'd look at you. And I go, you still want to do a show of counter? And not me, you fuck. I'm a dousta, but too.

Oh, yeah. No, dude, if I saw that happen to you, I would definitely, at the point, when I knew that happen into you, I would definitely at the point where I knew that it was slow and trying to eat and couldn't move because it's not mobile at that point. Right. The snake is not mobile at that point. The snake is vulnerable.

It's vulnerable. Then I would kill it. I would cut you out of it. I would cut you out of it. I'm gonna say, let's bring that picture back up. Here's why I wouldn't do that, okay? If it was the first one where the jaws were on hinge, but that one, look at him, he's ready to go.

No, I mean, he ate for, I mean, he's good for a month. Yeah, but he's ready to go still. Look at that head, he's ready to fucking snap. No, he can't eat it, he can't eat anymore. He might bite you though. Yeah, but Anaconda bite's not poisonous. I think they just crush you and they bite you in their teeth of backwards. So when it bites you

You can't get it off You I'll tell you one thing though this picture This picture here this man in India who got drunk. Yeah, I said to myself after I saw said I'll never drink in India I'll never drink it in India again Or ever Fuck today. All right. Thanks, Bush. Oh, verse. You're the best. Oh, fuck it. Hey. All right. Thanks, Bush.

Versi, you're the best. Oh, dude. I don't know what you have planned to do with each other, but it is like an animal show. That's a mistop of two today. Yes. You know what, dude, there could be something there with animals because we just, I mean, we've done it before. We've talked about it with the big foot episode.

You know, what would you, all right, last thing? I know you got to run. Last thing. Okay. What would what would freak you out? And I'm being dead. So is this serious question? I got all the time of the world for number two. What would be a two hour podcast if I was number one? What would be what would what would you legitimately be more afraid of? Okay. Me, you, Mike, Gabby, whoever else from the BWD podcast, we go camping, we're sitting around a fire. Would you be more scared to see the size of anaconda that swallowed that Indian guy? Bigfoot grunting and walking towards us or two of those bats that were the size of like, you know, eighth graders, what would you, what would scare you the most? Is that, okay.

Is that snake coming at me? No, the snake is just, the snake is like not really in fear and not going fast, but you start to see it coming. It's about 15 yards away and it's slowly coming. Bigfoot is about 40, 30 yards grunting and just kind of slowly walking and looking. Bigfoot's going like this. Like bigfoot's doing that. The snake is slowly coming and then two of those bats just land like eight feet away from us and they're just looking around. So bigfoot's walking in. It's like when I walk into the cellar and

I look at the back table like is is it worth going in and down? Oh no, fuck, no, I'm good, I'm out. Yeah, right, right. Nobody's there, that's a shit table, I'm gone. It's like, what do you want to snack and you kind of open the fridge and like you look in and you're like, should I, you know, there's some fruit, maybe I should,

kind of like that. Okay, and then the snake, he's coming. But, you don't know what it's, you don't know if he's gonna slither past or if he's going to slither past or if he's going to get aggressive, but he's 40 feet long and has the capability of swallowing us all. And those bats are just hanging by a tree. No, they let they, they, they come down like they go of upside down and they come down. They plop to a perfect flip. They let go of upside down and they come down they plop to a perfect flip and then like they let go of upside down Well, how do I speak fluent verzy?

So they let go of upside down and they come down I mean like they're on their feet looking like now now you got two of them They're about four feet tall tall. And that, you know, that, that, that thing opens up and it's right by the campfire and they're looking at us. All right. By the way, we only have knives and those stakes that we, that we shaved off to make like a spear. We don't have any guns. I still have mine.

He made me make these when we went camping in case vampires came. No, black bear attacked you. You just hold it up like you hold it like this and it falls into it. Didn't you see the movie with that's the movie. The edge was fucking Anthony Hopkins, but his stick was fucking nine feet. What the fuck? There was nine feet of stick.

He held it up like this. What the fuck there was nine feet of stick I'm gonna fucking it's gonna go halfway and the the bear is just gonna go out and then eat my head The bear is gonna eat one of us and then use it as a toothpick to get chunks That actually got some pork chop out. I think the real answer, I think the real answer would probably be the only reason why the answer would have to be big foot for me is because it's seven feet tall with legs that could run fast. The snake, the snake we have knives and we could anticipate it. The bats, we really don't know what the bats are going to do and there's two of them,

but big foot could run up and kill us all snap by and big foot is smart and out for blood you know we did the big foot would be strategic but what is big foot like what if he came over vulnerable and he was like he wanted to talk and he was just like and then you know Bobby was like dude sit down have a fucking schmores confused he's going like we're like, dude, sit down, have a fucking shmores. I'm like, look, I'm confused. She's going like, oh, we're like, yeah, dude, what are you hiding for? We're not gonna say shit. Just for the fucking endersense. I'll tell him, I feel like, dude, I'm smoking a bat.

I'm like, do you imagine if we, imagine if we had a picture of us with bigfoot smoke in a bat, nobody would believe it. They would think we were one of our friends in a fucking costume. They'd be like much looks weird We had a selfie with we had a selfie with much with big-foot smoking a bat Who's the biggest friend you know like like Gary Goldman? They'd be like dude. That's fucking Gary in a fucking cup You know, maybe like big J took off his gloves

Somebody doesn't Photoshop that all of us in that, you fucking suck. Oh my God. My stomach and dicks. Dude, that would be, that's got to be all of us there. Haha. Dude, I don't, first of all, big food isn't real. Can we just get over that? I was talking to Tom Green, dude, and Tom Green's doing a show to find them, but he said

that there is a place in Washington state that like they pretty much know it's there. Oh, really? Do they? Do they? They know it's there. You mean, I asked them. I'm just telling you, and then I asked him, I said, Tom, how come they haven't found bones?

Because I know he's doing the show, I know he's talking about it. He went on my web series, dude, I called it, and his prediction was within five years, they're going to admit it. And when I said to him, I mean, prove it, and I said, I go, well, how called it and his prediction was within five years. They're gonna admit it. And when I said to, I mean, prove it. And I said, I go, well, how come they haven't found bones of Bigfoot? And then he actually gave me a really good answer. He goes, there's not bones. You don't see bones of bears.

He said that those animals, they bury them and stuff like that. So I don't know. That's not true. You don't think it exists. I mean, now you haven't walked through the woods. They don't bury you. You think fucking animals, I have buried this. I want me to find the Sasquatch bones Yeah, but you know you've been in camp and you've been kept you haven't been in fucking Oregon in the in the middle of a fucking jungle

Yeah, no yet. Well, you know what you fucking go downtown Fucking I I'm more scared of the fucking Taco Bell downtown organ than I am. Sasquatch in the woods. And where's the thing? They just had huge fires up there. If there was a big fire ripping down the forest, you don't think you'd see fucking Sasquatch with frizzy burnt hair, running through downtown.

Pull me out. Pull me out pull me out oh it's just trust a good point actually there's no fucking sass watch it doesn't exist it's not I hate this fucking can you please go get a regular house. What's that, you fucking Uber eats? I mean, that is what I'm in cook for themselves. There's savages. It's fucking young and vital. Well, what do you want to have for dinner tonight?

I don't know, what do we order? It's so funny. Oh, they're fucking, it's really, it's just the Roman Empire over there. They just have people bring them food, they have muffins and coffees, and what are we having for dinner? Sam and I ordered it on fucking my phone. We're fucking bringing it. I can't film my neighborhood.

Huh? My neighborhood? Yeah, your neighborhood stinks. Those FedEx. FedEx for what? I don't know. I hope it's from Antifa. I'm when you see my fucking computer burst open. There's a bomb. I'm sorry. That'd be how fucked up with Tempeh. She's just gotten to Antifa bomb. Bobby, you know what we should do?

I know we should. We should go to an exotic like zoo or go somewhere where me and you can just see wild shit That nobody sees and comment on it and put clips up cuz dude if I saw that bat up front dude You'd probably get be more entertained cuz I would lose my shit, dude But they don't have any places like that right you got to go and so far This is what we do Paul. This is what we do. I know what we do. I know what we do Tell me I know what we do. I know what we do. Tell me. I know what we do. Okay. We mean you get cameras. Yeah. We get one with night vision. Yeah. And we go to a fucking haunted place. That I can't fuck with. I can't fuck with hot. What? If it's if it's from another world around I can't fuck with it. I

Can't anything any any after life goes. I just I'm not fucking with it funny That's what I'm afraid of too We we go and we face out fears. That's our show facing our fears No, you show it's ghost dudes. I just literally, this is the God's honest truth. I'm not saying this on your podcast to be funny. I swear to God on my life. I had, I just had a breathing issue. I just thought, I just had a little panic attack.

Just now in this show, I just had a little, but if I went to a haunted, I just pictured me and you in the dark and here and footsteps that didn't exist, and I don't know if I can handle it. I don't know if I can handle it. I'm gonna be honest. This would be, this would be, this would be all my video. This is all you'd hear. What's that? and hearing footsteps that didn't exist and I don't know if I can handle it. I don't know if I can handle it. I'm gonna be honest. It was just a little different.

This would be all my video. This is all you'd hear. What's that? Yeah, sorry you're here, ready? Dude. Dude. Dude. What would you do if we were in the woods

and you just heard both here and to leave? And nobody was there. I would think I would heed their advice. Oh, which black I didn't even. These guys I watch on YouTube, the kind of camping bushcraft type of guys, right? Yeah. I forget the name of them.

I forget the, I know, the two Jewish kids that go out in the woods up in the Catskills and they fucking, they camp and they're kind of cool. I like them because, you know, the way they camp, they set up camp all of us. So kind of what we did, you know what I mean? And they went camping out in the woods. I told this before.

And in the middle of the night, like six people, like these people, just walk through their campsite. Wow. And they were so creepy that they got up and packed up and left. As they were leaving, they could see them being followed. They were following them. Wow, dude. Yeah, no, dude. So imagine me and you were, we were in the middle of the night, they were following them. Why do yeah, not imagine me and you what we were.

In the middle of the night, a group of people, like a girl, I think there was a baby. I know what they were just, yeah, there was a baby. They were like walking through the woods in the middle of the night. Imagine that. And they walked through and didn't say anything to us. While we're sitting by the fire, smoking, all of a sudden people walked by, looked at you and just walked through and didn't say, hi, didn't say not just walk, what would you do? Dude, that would fuck me up, man. Like, I, but here's the thing, if we do that, I'm bringing my rifle and I'm allowed to, right? No, you can't. I got a 10 shot. What? You can't. You you cannot bring your white or you can't bring your rightful into the woods. It's illegal

No, I it's a rifle. You can't bring your rifle into the woods hiking camping That's a fact Jack Why I would do I would say what you said because I would probably sip sip and wine and I go what you guys can't say hi You know, hey, what's going on? What's going what's the problem? How rude is this? I love how Gabby said my voice change when I got scared I would I would go I would say who does that I would go who does that? You want a beer sit down? What are you walking past? Why's a baby out this late? walk and stuff,

if we brought a camera crew, if we brought a camera crew and we had real food and I could sleep comfortably, then I would do that. What the fuck do you mean, a real food? What do you want to get steak tips? No, I'm saying we go up there with some prosciutto and cheese sandwiches, we got wings, I'll do beans But like nice beans brisket, you know, we have a full fucking thing up there

And then I have like an air mattress and a tent. I'll do that. All right listen I'm saying that we go in get a haunted house place Right like a haunted factory or a haunted fucking prison Somewhere we drive to it. We get permission haunted fucking prison somewhere we drive to it we get permission me and you with cameras that's it I honestly don't know if I could do it because it's after life spirits it's another realm I it's after life I can't fuck with a ghost I can't fuck with a ghost dude because if I know for a fact the ghost is there I'm gonna you're say, I'm gonna lose my shit, man. I'm gonna lose my shit, dude. Yeah, that's what the fuckin' blabby.

Go to Eastern State Prison in Pennsylvania. That's where they have them. They have ghosts. They have all kinds of demons. They have all kinds of, they have, I think they even have some type of Irish Chalaylee ghost a something Remember that uh, remember that kid from Boston who found that fish It was made the baby fucking whale man holy shit What is that kid that would be me but with the with the ghost?

I mean here's a thing man Some of those places that are haunted, that they say real stuff, bad stuff happened. Would you want your, I don't even want my aura near that. I can't have that. Well, look, I'm afraid of roller coasters. I'd go do a roller coaster with you. You're afraid of a roller coaster? Oh, fuck yeah.

Why? Are you afraid, now let me ask you a question. Are you afraid of it because you're afraid that it's gonna like mechanically fail? Or are you afraid of it just because of the speed and going upside down and you're gonna get sick? It's just a dumb thing to do. I'm afraid of heights.

I'm afraid of loop deloops. I'm afraid of all that shit. You would never jump out of a plane, right? Are you out of your fucking mind? Would you jump out of a plane, right? Are you out of your fucking mind? Would you jump out of a plane for 5K cash? Yes, tomorrow. Yes. Not only would I jump out of the plane,

I let you, as we jumped out, you could rub your balls on my cheek as we rubbed out. And took it like, and did an insta story. Bobo, my nuts. I love how you went from, I love how you went from I love how you went from are you adding your fucking mind to five grand dude? I'll fucking. Yeah, I do.

I need five grand. I got money. Yeah, yeah, no, now now it's funny like pandemic. This is the time for a good game show for people that lost things to just get it back by doing wild shit. I wrote. That's a good idea. What is it? I wrote a...

What is it? I wrote a... Mike, we can't read it. I wrote a coaster for the first time in 35 years. Yeah, dude. I don't know if I could... I mean, I would... I would jump out of the plane, tandem. But I would feel bad for the guy who had a jump out with me. You would be less freaking out online for a role... Because I get nervous on roller coaster lines, too. But you would be less freaking out online for a role,

because I get nervous on roller coaster lines too, but you'd be less freaking out online at a roller coaster than I would be if you said our adversity were almost at the haunted site. That would be, I would be scared. I would be scared. That's harsh. I'd be scared at the haunted site too, but if you were there, I could do it. What if, oh boy. Oh, there you go. Would you, what about Hershey Park is open a Halloween? God. Now, because there was too many fucking stupid lawsuits

against people at these Halloween parks. They're not scary anymore. Back in the day, when they could touch you and they could fucking, I remember we were in LA. They turned me in, this is years ago, me and Don, she had just moved there, we were just kind of dating again. There was a haunted house, like down the street from a house in Santa Monica. They took over one of these strip malls and dude, we went into this haunted house and you know, I'm a fucking pussy. You go in the first thing, it's complete darkness

with things wet, shit hanging from this. You're like, what the fuck? Like you just get, and then figure people would grab on you and then at the end, dude, there was this, oh, motherfucker, they must have had twin little girls. This little girl comes out and she's just standing there looking at us Mommy mommy is that you mommy?

Mommy and then are behind us this girl grabs Dawn Same girl. I'm getting a little we turned around Dawn with Dawn went like this she went you know fucking touch Oh Yeah, you know touch there's no fucking touching. Oh I was like I had a grab her she was gonna hit this kid. She's like no touching and what did the kid? What is it because I was gonna say I try to make a little you know a little actress cry if she upset me But what did she get upset?

Dawn, the little girl loved it because she scared the fuck out of us and Dawn literally turned ever it She turned into fucking Boston. She's like you don't fucking touch me. Yeah, I'll fucking You can't get scared. No touch And we're gonna pull her away. We had to go through, I literally dragged the rest of the whole house. We walk out, she walks right up to the lady with the tickets. You know, a fucking touch people. You should have the touch.

Oh, dude, how funny would it be if Dawn got arrested for punching a toddler in the face? Oh, what the fuck he doing? Oh, that was before cell phones. If I had that on, if I had, I'd be a fucking multi-millionaire. I'd be monetizing the fuck out of that. I have don't touch t-shirts. Anyways, listen, Burr, we should definitely do something and film it.

I think so. I think if I think that that could be a show in itself, where we do something where we go out, we get footage of it and then post up the clips That could be the show You're in Westchester. I'm in Westchester Not saying where could I be maybe I'm not in Westchester anyway We are not far from each other We can do this and then the clips of the show we get an intro we get the music and we post something and then that could be the show I think yeah, we do facing your fears

Or or yeah, maybe something else I Mean, I'm there's a couple things that I'm just to you know like I'm too afraid of Yeah, there's a couple things that I'm just too, you know, like I'm too afraid of. I'm afraid, dude. I'm afraid of. My daughter says Bob alone in the dark with someone with a blade of grass. Like being like, just like, oh, that, that motherfucker. Yeah, I get it. That's all like it rushes past your face at night and you can't see it. Yeah. I mean, look, Versa, you were out in the dark in the middle of nowhere up in the mountains. Yeah. And you spent the night. So I don't know what you're fucking scared of going to a horror. Let's talk about that. Well, let's talk about that experience. But

you don't, of course, you don't know what I was so afraid of because you were snoring in a hammock that was going back and forth. You don't know anything I went through. I was, yeah, this kid was like, fuck, it's snow white. This kid is sleeping. Sleepin' like sleepin' fucking beauty up there. I hear him snoring. The only time he woke up was when he snored so loud and he rolled over like he was in a hilton or a mariock this kid.

I'm on the floor freezing. I heard animals going by me. I had to sneak out and get basketball shorts and put them over my shoulders. I was freezing and it was brutal. And he wakes up, he want coffee, he's cooking. Like he was fucking, like he got the rest of a lifetime. Yeah, that's why he didn't know how fucking scared I was. That was cool.

And he was all wanted to go to bed at 11.30, remember? He's going, oh, dude, yeah, maybe we should go hit it now. Now, I want to stay up till four and go home. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. All right, listen, we're going to talk. We're going to get this going. That's what we got to do. I think that's a fucking show. Dude, I think that that would be funny, but we got to hire some camera people. Now we don't. All right. And what are we going to do it ourselves? Yeah, dude, I got the cameras. We got a GoPro, I got a fucking,

I got a Panasonic G100. We just fucking filming ourselves. But we need insurance and weapons because we need to make sure not to... The fuck is it? What do you mean insurance and weapons? What if we get into a situation where we need help? You get shooted up.

You get shooted up. I don't understand why you keep, yeah, what are you gonna do with a what weapon do we what like a like we gotta get one of those fucking Proton packs here's the thing if me and you are hiking We go somewhere dark and you step and crack your head and you're on the floor out cold And I'm fucking standing there and the sun's going down What we're not dying out there. All right. Here's what we do We got to get someone else to go with us and they stay in the car me That sounds like a joke Now here's what we do we get a one or two people in a car walkie talkies and if the shit

It's the fan we call it in like the FBI with a code word We got to get to because Gabby would be fucking Instagram and we'll be dying and she'll be like oh Sorry guys. I had to put up this new video of me and my roommates podcast on the bash. Thank you. Thank you. Exactly, see? We got to talk about it for sure.

We'll talk about it. Versi, what is your podcast? Please, I know it. Please tell everybody. Podcasts, so I revamped the Versi effect and it is on my new YouTube channel now. Have great guests like Bobby, so many other guests coming on the show.

You could get clips on that and you could see the whole video on it. I'm putting the clips on social media like minute clips, but you could get the whole episode on the video episode on my YouTube channel. If you are in the South Jersey Philly area, this Friday, I'll be doing Soul Joes at Royarsford, Pennsylvania outdoor show and I'm really excited about going to the wise guys is Salt Lake City, Utah October 9 and 10 my first time out there

People are asking me when I'm going out there. They changed the date. So it's October 9 and 10 Please come out there to Salt Lake and check me out. You're gonna love it. You're gonna love it It's fucking great. Awesome. So enjoy yourself. Go see Verzi out there. Gabby, what do you got? I have a podcast called Unabashed Podcast.

You could listen to that anywhere and see clips on my Instagram, which is At Gabby is Brian and my Twitter, which is At Gabby is Brian. And that's it. And mush, we gotta read the names. I know that, right? That is right. Follow the podcast at YKW Dude podcast on everything. Follow Bobbi Robert really live. He's going to be

in Houston this weekend. Tempe improv the weekend after that. But most importantly, at the end of October, he will be with Ron Bennington at Ron Bennington's last comedy show, possibly ever. That's going to be at first energy park in Lakewood, New Jersey, Saturday, October 24th. And I'm very excited about all these shows. Houston Improv this week Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and then I'm at the Tempe improv I'm very excited so spread the word if you if you're from the area please show up retweet share do all that shit because all these clubs are expecting us to promote the shows there's no more fucking there's no more you know newspapers or whatever they used to do to promote the show

now that's not really radio so you can't even go to radio to promote shows it's all on us as comics and uh... help us out and of course the romp and it's show at the uh... stadium in jersey and uh... mike you know the website for that uh... blue claws dot com no it's at home play and what is it? Mike, do you know the website for that? BlueClawz.com. No, it's at home plate.

What is it? What is it? What is it? Type that in, check it out. I think it's at homeplate.com. Is that it? Right now. Check it out.

Anyways, I want to thank real quick. This company hang over candles. Set me a package. I hope what? I don't know it looks like this candle company guy got in touch with me he's like do you like candles? I'm like yeah I love candles I smoke cigars. Oh what is this? Hangover candles. Yeah hangover candles. They. My mom said. Oh, look at this. Oh, look at that. They take old bottles. Look at that. Oh, that's awesome. Oh, that's awesome. They take old bottles and they, I guess they cut them. Ah, god damn it. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Oh my God. This is the problem with candles like this. I wanna eat them.

Oh, I know. Oh, look at that. That's nice. Ooh, that's nice. I'm gonna like that sucker right up in here. Ooh, there's another one. They gave me two. Nice.

Ooh. Oh, let's see what this is. Oh, all right, let's see here. You know, I don't drink, you know, but I sure do like candles. And, ooh, here you go, here you go, this is a nice one. It's hangovercandlecompany.com. Ooh, that smells like the fucking, ah, that smells like, hmm.

Oh, that smells like a, like a milf's vagina, you know, just like the ocean, but nice. That's nice right there. Oh, yeah. Oh, well, did they send another one? Is that the ocean, but nice? Yeah Yeah, you know the ocean, but nice Yeah. You know, the ocean, but nice. Why hangover just because they're in bottles? Should they smell like a puke or something? This is something special, I guess, right here. Oh, I got a wrong one.

Look at that. It's a Coke can, but it's a candle. Oh, that smells, it smells like Coke. Nice. I think it's Coke. You got a bum, see, I want to eat this. Oh my God, look at that. How cool is that?

Thank you very much. Hangovercandles.com. Make sure you check them out. This box is all over the place. Dawn's gonna fucking kill me. Can you get peanuts? Pfft. Anyways, oh God.

Anyways, very, very cool. Very cool. Dawn's gonna take all this shit from you anyways, very, very cool, very cool. Dawn's gonna take all this shit from me anyway. So yes, Gabby, if there's one left over, I will give you one. Thank you. I don't even ask, but thank you. I mean, I ask whatever. Hi, number two now, baby.

How's three feel, bitch? You got that mush. Sorry, I couldn't hear you over her screaming oh passive aggressive it was absolutely right what's the website mush well it's not at home plate all the advertisements will still only have blue claws on them really yeah but if base.com. I'll try that one as well. Thank you guys for having me, man. I appreciate it so much. I can't wait to see you and we'll talk soon, okay? Hey, Paul, thank you so much. You're coming on. I love you, brother. You're the best. Dude, you're the best. I love you guys too. And, you know, hopefully I'll be back soon. You got to come on my show again soon too. Dude,'s smoke a bat soon shall we and we're gonna start

smoking these. I'm in dude I'm definitely and listen do me a favor tell you number one I said what's up okay. Alright, number two was like yo yo I'll steal that brother. Hey well let's read the names real quick. You got the website. I'm sorry. I can't find my phone mush. No, I can't find it besides the blue clause one. It's the only one that takes it.

At home plate doesn't go to anything right now. Really? Yeah. At home plate? Nothing, huh? No. Be my browser, but I will keep checking. Uh-huh.

At home plate? Yes. At homeplate.com just goes through a blank website. What about homeplate.com? I'll check. We will put that up in the description for everybody as well. Yeah. We're going to put it up in the description.

Everybody to get tickets. We'll get you the right website. It's on my phone. I don't know what my phone is. God bless everything. Was it in my pocket? I got it in my pocket. Hang on, mush. Look at, look at big daddy cane. He popped a pump. Got it right here. You ready for it? And will you remember, will you remember this mush? Yes, sir. It's live from homeplay.com. Sorry. Live from homeplay.com. Make sure you go that it gets you tickets.

Me and the great Ron Bennington. I had to honor the new shows with that guy. Right now, just a second. What is that? Sorry. Gabby, can you stop? What? So unprofessional.

Let's read these names. Is this right here right there? nice Daniel Baker You got ten bucks coming. Yeah, well you got ten fucking What? Barker Yeah, that too Daniel Barker. Thank you for making bigger. Daniel Barker. Bing Bing Bing Thank you for making it bigger. Daniel Barker. Bing, Bing, Bing. Patrick Keith, what's up brother? Thanks a lot for joining me and a member. Matthew.

There you go. You got 10 fucking old rooster Bobbyby kellies rikai you ah yeah rikai you yeah rock rai kaiyao 10 skim bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing Arthur la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Kevin Weinbar, what's up brother? Thanks for being a member and Randy Williams, you motherfucker, get this. Mm. Thank you for being a member and be joining the Patreon. Please bet the word about the Patreon. This, if you're a fan of mine, you need to be a fan of the Patreon. You got my one-on-one specials up there.

You got the live from the Sheds. You got fucking culture and Kelly. And you got, of course, one of the longest running podcasts on the East Coast. I did it first. Everybody followed me right here. It might not be the best, but it's definitely one of the first. What's our new fucking catchphrase? It might not be the best, but it's definitely one of the first new Our motto is we're not very good, but we keep doing it

It's yeah, we're not we're not the best at it, but we're consistent Here's the deal you mother fuckers And I also this show tomorrow night me and Mike Caltham Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday with the jerk off party on Saturday nights, which that means if you're a member of this Patreon you get to come in on Saturday hangout. You can be a cunt, you can be fun, you can have a good time, you can dress up, you can be whoever the fuck you want to be, let it fly baby. We love all comers on Saturday night. The jerk off party is a blast.

So become a member of Patreon.com, says Robert Kelly right there. And subscribe, hit the subscribe button, and hit the like button. There you go. This episode YKWD has been free always. You do not need to be a member of Patreon to get this. It's always free on YouTube.

But if you want to watch it live, if you want to get it first, you can join become a member of Patreon. That's $5. That's $24 cents a podcast, the price of a calm El Makiata with extra calm El, and you get a shitload of content for the whole month. So make sure you become a member. I want to thank all the ladybugs inside of here that keep coming and a very funny and hilarious and I want to thank Gabby for of course booking the show and being part of the show. Look man, you guys, I know a lot of people have fucking been, you know, dude, the fucking show. That's great. I got it.

I've been doing this for 10 years. People said the same shit when I added Dan, they said the same shit when I added Joe and Lewis, they said the same shit with fucking for stuka, then scopo, then Lauren, and now then mush now they kind of like mush they feel bad for most they've always like but Gabby they hate you and they don't like me but here's the thing it's okay mother fuckers you that's the good that's a sign of a good show when you don't like everybody involved that means it's interesting we're not trying to please you I'm not changing shit to fucking keep fans. If you are not a fucking loyal cock sucker, if you don't fucking stay with me through Dick and Thin,

if you're not here through the ups and downs, if you're not here for fucking, for anything that goes down, then you ain't a fucking fan, man. You are, you know what, dude? You're not a fucking real mother fucking dude. But if you are, I love you, and thanks for being part of this.

We'll see you next week. You know what, dude? Take it easy. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad.

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