Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Peaches

Episode Date: July 15, 2019

Jessica Kirson and Joe List come in with Bobby for surgery advice, foot maintenance and word workarounds! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com Welcome to the funniest podcast on the Planet Earth. This is going to be a clash to fire. It's podcast, it's no rules. It's not going to be a podcast. It's not going to be a podcast. It's no rules. It's not going to be a podcast.

It's not going to be a podcast. It's not going to be a podcast. It's not going to be a podcast. It's not going to be a podcast. It's not going to be a podcast. It's not going to be a podcast. It's not going to be a podcast. It's not going to be a podcast. It's not going to be a podcast. Should I regret? Can I get a microphone? No! What the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic-cancant. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and yapping. Sometimes it's hilarious.

Sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin. That's how it all holds her. That's your mother part. I don't wanna do anything. My podcast is popular enough where I might affect somebody's life.

You never know. These were real easy. You know what you are. It might affect somebody's life. You never know. Here's what we do, is you know what you are here at someoflightfac.com. I'm back here. I'm back here. I'm back here. I'm back here. I'm back here.

I'm back here. I'm back here. I'm back here. I'm back here. I'm back here. I'm back here. I'm back here. I'm back here.

Yeah. Yeah, we're going early. We're trying a little something different. A little something new. We're trying a little something different, a little something new. We're going a little early with the crew of the YKWD. All right, so don't fucking shut things off. Don't stop. Don't be so fucking needy either, okay? Get out of here. I was just kind of supporting you. Well, no, you're supporting us. Yeah, I'm supporting you. Well, yeah, it's about you.

It's all about you. Sometimes. Most of the time. I've seen your Instagram. Listen, I want to go early a little bit. I want to start the show early. We got great guests, but we got, we know the stuff we have to get through every week, and we never get to it.

And plus, I have a good team here, and we never get to talk to these assholes about what's going on. And it prevents me on the regular show from monologue, okay? I'm trying to prevent myself from going on tangents. Oh, God, is there anything worse than listening to me? What's that? I'm not gonna answer. Well, you can answer.

Seriously, go ahead, Mike. What do you think? There's a lot of things worse than listening to you. What's that? I'm not gonna answer. Well, you can answer. Seriously, go ahead, Mike. What do you think? There's a lot of things worse in listening to you. Oh, God, what a pus. Yeah, the shot he didn't take it. Look at Gab, the fucking evil suspended bitch. What are you gonna do, kill Bill?

What are you guys? That's cool. But I love kill Bill. Yeah, I know. You liked it because I called you a fucking kill Bill like the, yeah, yeah. We got a bunch of first of all, creeps with kids. Yeah, yeah. We got a bunch of, first of all, CrucialKids.com, man. Make sure you go to it.

Tickets are selling. Over half so there's, I think, 300 ticket less for Boston. There's a 400 tickets or three of something tickets left for Long Island. A bunch of the theaters that are saying, redding Pennsylvania, get your shit together. Wherever you are. As a whole,ding Pennsylvania, get your shit together. Wherever you are.

That's a whole, it is kind of a shit city. Well, I love it. I mean, it's great and they love buying tickets there. Thank you, Mike 2.0 that knows how to promote everyone there is Mexican. So while I'm out, thank you, my amigo, my amigo, my amigo, me amigo, me amigo, me amigo. Yeah, we go to Reading Puzzlevania. What is that Chinese?

What is that? I don't know why. That's the thing that's the thing they have. That's the Pagoda. Yeah. What is a Pagoda? Is that? It's right there.

That have a building it's called a Pagoda. But why in the Pennsylvania? Because they take to do that shit and it's probably going to Bruce Lee. I'm going to say that. Listen, why did he live in Reading Pennsylvania? No, he was there as big fans. So you can't, you know, just put a bego to cause you're a fan asshole. Their, their baseball team is called the fighting's.

What does that mean? And why are you going fighting's like you want to fight with me? Settle down. Wait, fuck it, I'll fight it. Why do you know someone's about Reading Pennsylvania? Does he know that? We did a whole episode on history, ain't it? Oh, God.

Oh, very fucking interest. I mean, isn't it, Gab? Wow. Gab, isn't it? A little interesting. Did I reach in information? No, that, oh, that is getting cocky because he's with the fucking highest. First of all, fuck both of them. How's that? How's that? We tame that. How about that? How about fuck them and fucking poor Slurpy? What is it? A smoothie and their assholes? Those cock suckers, both of them. I have a fucking bone to pick with the hygienist. What? What? And Paul Versey and Salvo Cano. Yes. You hate Italians. No, I love Italians. I'm half Italian. You're friggin. Well, I don't know I love it. I'm half a time you're friggin.

Well, I don't know. Stupid sailor. Only two of them were Italian. It's not that. I have a fucking bone to pick with all these young, oh, these young bucks in their haircuts and their fades, fucking fades. I love them. Oh, they love a fade. Why don't you like that? Yeah, the sneakers. That's what I want to talk about. You God damn sneakers. Sneaker, what do they call them? Sneaker freaks. What do you call? Sneaker heads. Sneaker heads. We got one of them right here. Look at them staring me down. I'll fucking throw a booty ahead. Yeah, go ahead. You're fucking weird. Oh, stop being, stop being weird. Can I get up like he was glued to the seat? No, just talking

to the air Christopher, everybody has no Chris. Chris is a comedian, very funny guy. And he also designs all the fucking, if another thing we should go to is the, March baby, go to the merch page right there at remember to be happy. We're going to be putting up a new merged thing right now. You got the YKW hoodie. We got the dude. The Buddha dude now comes with the glass glasses and we got the hoodie and we are the dudes. If anybody's wearing a we are the dude shirt and one of my shows you getting a hug and you're also getting the free tickets the next time I'm in town. So there you go. I sat in your lap go there right there. You get a free ticket. I will comp you and a friend of yours to my next show when I'm in town. Sick deal. There you go. Go there. Anyways,

sneakers, sneakers. Yeah, these fucking guys. Are they comfortable? No, no, no, no, and no again. Well, you passed my point. You didn't get one for you right for your feet. Oh, thanks. Fucking dog shows. What he does called you. Oh, you did. He's the first way your feet don't get fat. Chubbed it's. Yeah, but your feet don't get fat. That's not true. You can't get fat. No, you can't. You haven't seen big bread feet. I show my neck feet. I'm not talking about I don't know anything about the vagina fat. I'm talking about regular fat. You know, look it. You can't get fat feet fat bring up fat people. They all have fat ankles and then

their feet are the same size. You never get a fat foot cancels is the technical. I'm wearing sneakers right now and I want you to tell me if they're cool. No, I'm not getting this. This is what I'm trying to fucking, but they're not. Guess how much money they were. I don't care. This is what I'm getting to wear. I don't care. I don't want fucking sneaker bullies in my life anymore. Okay.

Because of these fucking kids, not you, Chris, because you've never really stuck them in my face. But these other guys have bullied me and made me feel shitty for my sneaker. What do you get on? What do you get on? What do you, oh, those are nice. They compliment my shoes, my harratches. And I somehow, exactly, I somehow feel good about that.

You know what I got? Because of these assholes trying to impress these young cocksackers with their shoes. Planter, faciitis. We see through them by the way. We know they're not really like, you know,, it. Who's we? Who's we? I love the people who actually care about sneakers, who have cared the whole time. So you mean there's another level? Oh, yeah. So they're not even in the level. They're surface level. They're surface level. Yeah. There's like neaker posters. That's dark. You're telling me that Sal Volcano, Christie, Janice, pop-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up- a true sneakerhead, you got to do it when you got no cat. I was overdrawing my account throughout college just for sneakers.

So you're a true sneakerhead. Yeah. Now, but here, but there's even people above me. There's people, there's people way deeper than I am. Gabby's got something to say about that. Good. Why would you overdraw your account? It's a personal.

It's not, it's not because I wanted to. It's all the addiction. Yeah, it's a, it's a problem. Is it an addiction? Yeah. Why? Blowing dick for sneakers. Don't do that.

He was too comfortable saying blowing dick. Did you know the sun? I liked it. And then we left and maybe laughing. And he actually was like, he said, don't do that. Like he told Mike something somewhere. And a fucking moment Mike somewhere. Yeah. Like he sucked a dick for a pair of Nike's. You suck dick for a Jordan one Nike's. You suck dick for Jordan ones. I took a nice shoe though. Yeah, it is nice shoe. Whatever with the fucking nice

shoe. First of all, it takes 10 years to get them on. Second of all, they're thin. You have to have a, I'm a wide foot guy. I got to do new balance. No, I even know that you shouldn't do that. No, you can absolutely do new balance. I can't get my leg up. I have new balance on right now. I trust that I won't like them. I'll tell you right now, you would. I like your, your converses.

Yeah, I think you're a converses. I'm definitely a converses guy. I love converses and converses stepped it up. They started making a comfortable shoe finally. I had to get the John of Vardados because they were the more comfortable than the regular All Stars, but now they stepped it up. Okay. But I got the new bounce to work out in. I'm working out in these harratches so that I can walk around these young bucks and have them look down and give me the nod. Aren't you supposed to not work out in them though?

Huh. You're not supposed to work out in them. They're like street shoes, right? You can do whatever you want them. That's a **** is a street shoe. I don't know. Like a shoe you wear in the street. You know, are these cool? Just let me. Oh, those are rip off Blancy August. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I hate their socks. I hate them. What's a Blancy Ago? Blancy August a brain. And that's all I need to know. It's a high-end fashion brand.

It's like John Vervedo. Okay, so listen, these sneakers, well, that makes me feel better that these guys are phones. Yeah, they're phones. They're entry level. They only started caring about that stuff because they started making some money. Right, yeah. So you got to do it when you can't do it.

Yeah, basically they never waited in line for a shoe. I've camped out for shoes. Oh my God. So you're saying that these guys, they don't they just get them because of who they are. Not even that. They, if they have a plug somewhere, like if they know someone at Nike, they might get hooked up, but they probably just get what they can get rich. Voss is a phony. Rich has a nice collection, but he's not he's not everything too exclusive for me to be like, oh, do you're a real deal? So he's not the real deal. No, he's just a guy who's got a couple shoes. Yeah, right. Wow. Interesting. It's very interesting. I feel better. I feel a little better. Yeah. I feel a little better. I'm glad I can help up. Well, I got to wear these fucking

new balance now. Sell them on eBay. My My plant my new balance. No, the, the night case. No, I'm going to keep them. Okay. Okay. Okay, so I have an event. You know, this was sucks about on those. So Ratchee's the red ones, they were kind of red orange. They really popped. Yeah, they did. Those are nice pair. That nice. You can't find them either. Not in 10s and a half. Where'd you get them? I got them in, I don't know, one of those fancy, now they have footlock, but they have a footlock or like a fancy footlock or something. Yeah, what's it called? I mean, this footlocker.

I mean, footlocker is overall upgraded. Footlocker actually backs a lot of the resell places now, like footlocker owns part of flight club. I'm just, I'm so sick of it. You gotta fucking wear a pair of sneakers. You wear sneakers like they're like expensive shoes. You can't get them dirty or wet sneakers. Enough, enough about it. I bought these knock off Balenciaga's on Amazon Prime. Yeah. I mean, I wish they covered

your my weird ankle. You have blotchy ankles. Personally, for me, those are like a little too streamlined. I like bulky basketball sneakers. That's why I'm like, I get to fuck out of here with those. But I mean, a lot of people like them, so do you. Do you know how, let me just tell you how much plant the fasciitis hurts. I also have it. You do. Why do you have it?

Because I'm born Jewish. That means I have to wear insoles. Why? Do you want to see my insoles? No, I don't. I'll take them out right now. Please, I do want to see them. Why do you have to wear? You have plant the fasciitis. Because I'm gonna see my insoles. No, I don't. I'll take them out right now. Please, please. All right, I do want to see them, yes. Why do you have to wear?

You have plant the fasciitis. Cause I'm a Jew. I grew too fast. My knees and my ankles are all fucked up and my feet and also my back. And then a little bit of my back. That's not a fact though. You're making Jews just don't have plant the fasciitis.

Oh, look at that. I'd say sassy. No, that's a Jewish insult. For sure. What do you mean? It's a very Jewish insult. What does that mean? Just look at it? It's a very Jewish in soul. What does that mean? Just look at it. It's a very Jewish in soul.

That doesn't mean anything. That doesn't make any sense at all. No, it's super Jewish in soul. Oh my God. Jesus. Wow. We know what the fuck is this? What plot get we on the compound network?

I order these and they just came to my apartment and they said like the the doctor made a choice and he picked to this ass he wants for me. Yeah. I'm fucking like mold was. Yeah. I'm fucking molded. Yeah. Whoa. So I'm fucking down with you stupid sneakers. I'm wearing comfortable shoes.

We can get you ones that are nice. Like wear. I don't want to spend $300 on sneakers. You know what I'm doing? You can get them for like 40 bucks. I'd rather buy a Japanese fishing rod. Look up Japanese fishing rod. A fly fishing rod. Oh, Michael, I'd rather get that. You weren't fishing. Just look up

air monarchs. Yeah, go to those rod head at what no, but those are like, look at that. Look at that. That's not gonna. 179. It's a telescoping fishing rod right there. The Taki Tenkara because that Tenkari, that's it. That's what I want right there, guys. That's what I want. A 10 car. Look at that. It's a fucking telescoping fly rod. That's good. Yeah, that looks more. That looks like fun to me. That looks awesome. That looks like a dildo. So if you go fly fishing,

there's some guy there with the shitty old rod. Are you going to be shitty to him? Or are you going to be cool to him? Well, here's a dip. Who's that? What is that? That's got to be a chaining. Is that chaining? His phone rings as light as his life. It's a shoe bop. You have your phone on on the first time he sits down on the any fucks up. People are on Mike's suspension, Mike's suspension couch again. No, people are on Mike suspension, Mike suspension couch again. No, Mike suspension. No, I'll get the bomb. You get a fucking 10 minute Mike. Obviously, I don't get on the couch. Oh, yeah, watch this. It's you. Blu your nose. I did go fly fishing with Ryan Hamilton, Ryan Hamilton, rent this beautiful

house. I mean, on a river up in upstate New York, right near Roscoe. And it is, Ryan Hamilton, rent this beautiful house. I mean, on a river up in upstate New York, right near Roscoe. And it is, I mean, his backyard, you can just go fishing, like walk into a river. What? And he lives there? No, he rented this place. He was, it's so fun. The bedroom window is the size of this wall. No curtain, no anything. And it just looks out onto a river. And trees, it's so fucking gorgeous. Yeah, it was beautiful. You got a baby bass. That's him at the end of the stop. Everybody stopped right now. Listen to me, Mike, do not try to assimilate to me.

It was a fucking brook trout. Okay, it's called the brookie. I'm not catching bass. I'm not a fat redneck with worms and a fucking spinner reel. I'm an adult fucking middle class to Thousandaire with a fly fishing rod, okay? Okay Savage with a worm catching a basket. You just did to me with fly fishing with they did to you with shoes. Huh? Trickle down You're fishable. I can trickle down listen. There you go right there. Brook trout right there. Look how beautiful they are. Look how beautiful you're clicking the first one. How is that different than a rainbow? Is that the first one? No, that's the third one.

The first one. Look at that. Look at that. Go on that photo. I'll tell you a book trout. Look at the little spots on it. It's so fucking beautiful. A book trout is smaller. Look at the little red dots. Serbs? No, it's notshelf is smaller. Look at the little red dots. Serpice? No, it's not gonna go. I hate the youth of America. I really do.

Look at that beauty. Is this different than Rainbow Trump? I don't need him. I'm a lip herder. I pinch my barb off. I don't hurt him. He comes right out. I just, you know, the little hook barb,

I pinched that off so it's harder to catch, but they just take him right out. Cause I don't want to rip their fuck. I don't want to hurt him. I catch him and I get it. Let him right back in. Gorgeous time though. Right. I mean, we had, we walked out into down this beautiful path. And then we walked up this hill, kind of bushwhacked it into a river, just me and him on a river, sucking each other off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fish. I love fishing. in each other rocks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fish. I love fishing. That sounds awesome. That would be awesome. I tell you, man, if you were fucking just, if I was just a silly gay guy, that would be the best fucking, I'd be fly fishing every weekend. Just to let's go blow

each other. In high ground. We don't even need to fish. We just suck each other up in the woods. Get some, make my jizz into float and keep that fly buoyant. Yeah. Yeah.

Technical terms. Why don't you eat it? I feel like you were a person like you can eat your own jizz. No, that's gross. There she can. Yeah, I mean, you're a man. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you it's, you can.

It's just a bigger fish. You don't need a burky. I would need a balance. It was big. I'm not going to kill a fish. First of all, I just won't get a sandwich. I got a burjuto with mutton out. That's really need to eat a fucking fish. I was Ryan a fisherman. Ryan is great, man. Ryan's a good fisherman. You can tell the way he casts. He was fucking awesome. Who's that? Come on in. Who is it? There he is. Joe list. All right, the show is officially started now with the little pre show. Joe, you're right there, buddy. We got, of course, we got JFL happen in this week. Two weeks

from now, I am up there doing a gala, but the main thing I'm doing up there is called Creeps with kids. This tour that is taking off, fuck it, it's incredible. Right now me, Rich Voss, Ron Bennington, Jim Florentine, creeps with kids were doing JFL up there at club soda. It's on the 27th July 27th, it's gay you tickets now, get your badges and make sure you get to that show. It's going to be sold out and it's going to be, it's going to be awesome. The actual tour is going to be epic too. So make sure you get a tick for that. Reading Pennsylvania step up, baby.

All the other venues are selling great. We're over half sold at like five venues, which means it's going to be sold out. If you wait, it's just going to be gone. Boston's going to be gone. Gay tickets now. Long Island's going to be gone. Gay tickets now. Philly's going to be gone. Gay tickets now. Long Island's going to be gone. Gay tickets now. Philly's going to be gone. Gay tickets now. We also have patreon.com. Stats Robert Kelly. I'm booking this summer, probably in August or maybe before I go, I'm going to try to book a life from the shed. We're coming back. We're live from the shed.

I'm going to try to, I mean, the guests that I'm asking that have already said they do it is fucking epic. So I can't, I can't wait. Patreon, I know we haven't put up one up in a little bit, but the one we're going to put up this week is going to be great, but the ones with film in this summer for you guys is going to be epic. So please check that out. And then of course, laughable.com. I'm doing all these plugs to get them out of the way, Joseph, comedy seller Vegas, go to laughbo.com, make sure you download the app on both platforms. And you know, go to creeps with kids.com, shirts, all that stuff, Instagram, Robert Kelly live. I do, I do Instagram. So follow me there. Once in a while, I'll tweet something funny. You know, Joe, I read it today on Twitter.

Joe, list everybody. How are you? Yeah. Oh, I'll be in Montreal too, buddy. We got a hang. Really? You know, I decided, I want to hear what you read on Twitter, but I've been hanging a lot. I got a hang with people that are sober more.

Yeah. I'm hanging out with guys that I love, loves of my life, but from the old days, I'm going to concerts and I love them. Yeah. But they're high and drunk. They're on a different, I did lead you to Skanks. Less than I love loves of my life, but from the old days, I'm going to concerts and I love them. Yeah. But they're high and drunk. They're on a different, I did lead you to the Skanks less than I love those guys. But they're, we're not working on the same molecular.

It's a different, you know, we did comedy camp this year and everybody's fucking drunk or high. Yes. Except for me. Right. There's a lot of this. I'm, I just, you just said that. There's a lot of that.

Yeah. You just said that. I don't mind it, right? I don't, I don't care if you drink enough smoke. I don't care what you're doing. But there is a point where I'm like, okay, I want to go talk. I want to have a conversation. Right. I wanted to, like, I know next year we do comedy camp, I'm going to have to, at some point, I'm going to have to invite people, like, if you were there, me and you would have went to the upper fire. And we could have just had a cigar and shot the shit and conversated and it would have been good. You know, it gets a little rowdy for me. I'm 48.

I'm an old man. I'm sitting there going, why are people like people started bothering me? Yeah. And I was like, I'm an old fuck. I don't drink. I'm not high. That's how I feel. Yeah. So it's like, it'm an old fuck, I don't drink, I'm not high. That's how I feel. Yeah.

So it's like, it's not their fault. I'm just going to, I should have just went up and sat by myself and smoked a cigar. And I liked the quiet of it all. I like to philosophize joke, boss balls, listen, I like to listen. I'm a good listener. Is that okay? I didn't hear you, what did you say? I thought that was interesting that you think that.

What did you read on Twitter? Something bad? No, my butter's pole. No, what was it? What is that? I'm trying to get to the bottom of butter. What are you talking about? Let me just read you some business here.

I pardon me for looking at my phone. No, please don't get so. But some people they say, hey, butter is great. Butter is actually healthy. People say butter is the devil. So I put out a little thing. It's got 392 votes. Oh, you can pull it up right here. That's better on the big screen.

Yeah, we're a good podcast. It doesn't have the results though. Yeah, you click on it. I would say I want to pick. It's actually it's healthy. It actually it's healthy. We clicked that. Now, here are the I actually, it's healthy. Actually, it's healthy. We clicked that. Now, here are the numbers that it has right now.

So bad for you. So I wrote down, if you're listening at home, best butter description, health wise, here are the options. So bad for you. Not that bad for you. Yes. Third one is not good, not, but it won't kill you. And the fourth is actually, it's healthy.

Yeah. Actually, it's healthy. It's 40% of the vote. Because it's not't kill you. And the fourth is actually it's healthy. Yeah. Actually, it's healthy. It's 40% of the vote because it's not bad for you. Why? Because what's bad for you is shitty, like, I can't believe it's not butter. Yes. That's chemicals. That's the shit that's killing everybody.

That's the stuff, the cornst, all the stuff that they put in potato chips and all the bullshit we have, the, if you like Costco chicken, the rotisserie chicken, the stuff that they put on it that makes it taste so good come. That and is what makes you want it more. It's chemicals. It's all the shit that makes you want more and more. When you're done eating, you want more because of the stuff that's on it, the preservatives, all the shit. Look at the Costco chicken. It's, it tastes amazing, but it's not rotisserie chicken that you make. It's delicious, but at a Costco.

Oh, yeah. So like the butter, if you get like Irish butter. Yes. Yes. Really good for you. Yes. And Celtic salt, these Irish, they know what the fuck they do. Well, they don't put shit in it. No, they don't put shit anywhere. They don't put garbage. You go anywhere. Like we always talk about this. You can have butter.

Every restaurant you go to, you know, much butter they use. A lot of butter. They use, that's how they make shit taste good. That's why your food in home doesn't taste like a restaurant because they use a pound of butter in every dish. But it's good. Butter butter butter. Here's my question. If dairy is bad for you, then how is butter good?

Who said it dairy is bad for you? I think milk. I think milk might be bad. What did you call it? Milk. Milk. Why milk? Milk.

Remember that old gum in it? What was that? It was milk. It goes, I saw seven ads for milk. Why is there one ad for milk? At least people that aren't. I hate when I have to bomb with someone else's shit. Before guy, and he said, milk, milk, milk, am I saying it correctly? It was a whole thing. Right. Yeah. He's very good. He is good. Anyways, but butter, because my uncle was saying butter is actually healthy because it's natural. But I don't think dairy is bad for you. I thought that was keto and chemo and all

that shit. Yeah, dairy is not bad for you. But I think milk is not great because we're the only ones that drink milk from another animal. Yeah, something bullshit. Well, I mean, ripadery is milk. Right. So milk is bad.

But that doesn't mean dairy is bad. Well, the animals drink their mother's milk. They drink milk all the time. Yeah. Like Charles Manson is a bad guy. Does mean humans are bad. I mean, that means that he doesn't say it's how it's past your eyes. There's a lot of fuss and other stuff in it. I'm sure he was. What's positive? Yeah. Yeah. You didn't know that.

Like Cox got puss on it. Why? Why is your why? That's true. What are you just going to just to is that your thing now? Is that your character? No, you agree. You didn't. You agree with everything. Why not? Trying to move stuff along. Oh, please. You're annoying. I agree with everything. Why not? Try to move stuff along. Oh, please, you're annoying. You're fucking agreeing, Patrick.

Yeah, yeah, let's show. Let's show. What did you say? There's pus and milk. Like when they get out. In America and Mexico. In America. Oh, I know.

I know. It's a different. Probably in Mexico. It's a product of factory farming. That's what happened. Why? It's spelt with one S. It's from like the machines that.

It makes it grosser than it has one S. Because it has the milking machines, right? It just connects the others. They never take them off. They get stores on them, so plus comes out of the store. Wow, you're a farm lizard. Did you work on a farm? No, I just read.

Oh, gross. Oh, yes. He just got your stupid, the weird one. I read a lot. I'm reading about Charles Manson. That's why I pulled Charles Manson from. Where'd they fucking written, kind of digress from? Please digress.

You ever read or watch anything from the 70s, the documentaries? They were like fucking retards trying to solve crimes. Oh, yeah. You and I could solve a crime better now. Yes. Then they could back then. Yeah. Like the health to skelt their shit, they literally for like nine months, they're

not related. Back to back nights, murder with a knife and writing shit and blood in the same town. They're like, nah, it's completely different. Well, I think there was a lot more corruption back then too. And there was a lot more, you know, look, we don't want to, we can't believe if we tell the public this, they'll be anarchy. The streets will be people will flip out. There was a lot of that.

Yeah, I mean, they could be they lied about a fucking spaceship landing in the plate. The world almost collapsed. Fucking bunch of dumb assholes. Which one? Oh, Orson Wells? Yes. Or is that George Orwell? I can feel George Orwell.

No, orson Wells. No, George Orwell with or they both did it together. I think George Orson or Orwell. It yeah, I read I read 84 and that other bullshit. It is weird that they, but even documentaries, have you ever watched sitcoms back then? How stupid they were? The dialogue. Yeah, well, some of this bad now still, I. There was a time between the 70s and the 90s where sitcoms, like what we were watching were fucking garbage. Yeah, and formulaic. And then they cared nothing about continuity. I think Seinfeld changed that a little bit. You think? Like Seinfeld did a lot of stuff. We're like, you bring him up because he fucking gave you a partner the nod.

I was pretty amazing. That was pretty fucking. want I just want to know that was fucking crazy. What happened? What I got it? What Bobby doesn't want to watch it because Bobby hates Jerry. No, I don't hate him. I don't hate him. All right. And I was how I was actually happy for Mark.

I love Mark very exciting. That's the wrong. That's the wrong. You're going to go to Mark norm. Jerry gave I was on a radio show sports, and they asked him who the next thing was. And Jerry was like, I like this guy. Mark Mark Norman.

No, Mark, what's his name? Mark Norman is the, you know, is he, I see potential with him. And he really, that's because Jerry made Mark in a basement with a lab. Oh, he made him in a lab. He used half of his money to make him. Yeah, him and Ray Romano got together and made Mark moment in the, yeah, right down in the village, they have a little robot plant that they made. And they wrote, they're going all their favorite jokes of, of like the last hundred years and put them in to make them. Yeah. He gave him a big plug.

Big plug. Oh. Yeah, really. Did it do anything for him? Um, I don't know. I mean, it's hard because I think what happens is, first of all, there's 800 people watching the Metz game on a Friday night. And then it gets shared on the internet all over the place.

But I feel like a lot of that's just incestual. You say 800 or or 800 800. I think a lot of this is just shared by the same assholes that love our shit already. Yeah. But it's got 367,000 views. So at least at least a third of them probably didn't know Mark's that's 100,000 people. Right. But is Twitter followers go up?

I don't know, but I probably have a Twitter followers. He's got to tell a Twitter followers. But I mean, he's not as big as like, he'll do Rogan next month. That's going to be bigger than this. But it's fucking super cool. He's doing Rogan next month. I think September because of this. No, no, he already had it on the books. Oh, yeah. It's one of those things that you have. It's like a late night. Well, yeah, it's one of those things that you have. It's like a late night. Nobody can take that away. You're like, I got this little. No, no, I think it's pretty good. As long as Jerry doesn't get caught fucking, you know, fucking cranking some out in front of people or molesting a fucking, a fucking man somewhere.

Have they met since this happened? Have they met? Yeah. I mean, they were, they were, they were buddies. They had a hang. I feel like this is more Mark's stories. I don't want to tell the whole story, but they hung out. They've, they met at Gotham. They shot the shit, they've texted a couple of times. And so I imagine they'll be, I think it's the end of a dating show. I think they're going to hear more from these. I was happy. I was happy. I was happy. I love that you immediately glombed onto it. This is going to be great for our podcast. I didn't you said that. I did not say that. Do you tweet that? No, I said big moment. I'm not. It's right there. You're not J funk. I'm Joe list. That's J funk. Yeah, but you retweeted it. I'd retweeted the video. That was access to the video. Yeah,

but you retweeted it. It's a big moment for my and I. All the Tuesday with stories, Joe list comment. You're in it. Well, the guy tweeted at me with Mark. Can you, couldn't you do your own tweet? That would have me in it also. That would be, but it would be about you. I would be just about Mark. Like, I'm very happy for my friend Mark. This is great. I think this is true about Mark. I tweeted this is fucking insane. I think that's pretty good. That is pretty good. It was very exciting. Wait, how did we get here though? Because we are on something. 70s, 20 shows are fucking amazing. Oh 70s TV shows. Yeah, there was no content. You watch so many movies and TV shows from the 70s and oh, that's what I was saying about

Seinfeld. Like, you watch Seinfeld, George war like three shirts in the fucking history of the show. And they would keep, they would stay consistent with stuff, which in a lot of places wouldn't. But if you look at Louis, he had no continuity. He didn't give a fuck about continuity. I remember somebody was like, dude, the man behind you is not the cigarette went down. He goes, I don't give a fuck about the cigarette. Oh, that's a good one. If people were looking at the cigarette, then I'm not doing my job writing wise. And none of us acting wise and then paying attention to a cigarette. Oh, that if people are looking at the cigarette, then I'm not doing my job writing wise. And none of us acting wise and paying attention to a cigarette. I agree

that Louise opinions are more important than Jerry's for sure. I will be on tour with Louis in Europe. That's a twerdy. He threw it to everybody, but he really just wanted Joe to go. And then what if Joe said no, we're all, I guess we were all like, he has like, it's kind of fight for it. No, they just, yes, was it Kevin Brennan? Was like, did you get invited to lose? Yeah, he didn't fucking pick me. He was all mad because like, dude, go fuck yourself.

If you invite me to something, my, if I say yes, I should be able to go. Well, he's like, I'm still looking, I might still want to add someone. This was today. Yeah, well, for two hours and two days. That's how he's cool. Well, I'm like, who's going to go to Greece on two days notice besides anybody you room? You have everybody in this room. I'm already going. Well, good. Good for you. But anyways, poor Kevin Brennan's dying has no money. Is that true? No. Maybe we should do a little go funding. We should you should do it from the road with Louis. I'm happy to do that. I love If you don't tag Kevin Brendan in all your little Instagram things, you're not funny.

Maybe I will. I like Kevin. Everyone like you got all these sayings and ass and he sucks. I like. All right. It's first of all. I don't know if that's what I've said. I mean, I've definitely called him an idiot and asshole and a fucking shithead. But I, I, I don't not like Kevin. I like Kevin. He's fine. No, I know because I know he, I know all the shit is bullshit. You know what I mean? But you know, you know, who's really nice? So I met Kevin's wife. Oh, look at it. Is amazing. She's beautiful. She hates Kevin like everybody else. She's fantastic. Everybody Jessica is here. I'm so sorry. I was late. You were doing a little interview. I was walking up the stairs. No, Joe. I can hate those. No, I was doing an interview with Jeffrey. Yeah. You're in. Yeah. It took a while to set up the camera. It was very much like watching an old Jewish man try to put, you know, light bulb in or something.

Yeah. Jeffrey Gurean is a nice man. Sweet, sweet man. Sweet guy. He really is. He's great hair. Oh, loves comedy. I've someone stated his house once and said it was a very interesting household. What do you mean? What way? It was all like white and there's like a peon.

Like it looks like John Lennon's apartment. He said it's like a very, everything's painted white and grand. I can see that. Brandy Ear, or something nice. He's always with hot women. Did you notice that? I did not know that. Always. He's a good dresser.

He's been around for a long time. We actually had him on this podcast years ago when we were over there. Were you on that show? Remember? Oh, I you on that show? Remember? Oh, I was on a show that he was here. He was talking about writing for Rodney Dayfield. So I came in and he was on that show.

Right. He was very interesting. Yeah. And I remember that we were letting him just talk. We never really, we were always busted balls. Yeah. And I was like, let's just bring somebody normal on and then people were busted as balls because they were like, let's be funny.

You know, and he's like trying to get his shit out and they're, we were trash in a moment. That says a lot about our crew that we're like, we need someone normal. Yeah, we're doing it. Yeah. That's so weird. That's hilarious.

Is your seat when Bennington did the Batman thing? No, what? They did a whole thing about who would make the best Batman and they took people from the comedy world and they put, they superimposed the mask on it. And it would be just I think he I forget they voted, but people voted I think and he won. No, if you look, he actually has a man. I make the best fat man. He's a no nothing.

I like it. No, I love you. Come on. Is that it? Holy shit. Oh, that's it. And Gurry and Gurry was the best one. That's hilarious. Are you in there? That might be you. A second row of second from the left. That is me. I would I'd make a cool Batman. Is that you? Yeah. Where's Jeffrey Gurry and he was a winner. He is. Um, there's Mackie. The Louise in there. Pete Davidson. This gem. Gaffigan. Yeah. Oh, maybe he wasn't in there, but they later they showed it. There's not enough black people. I'm very offended. They must have done it. They must have

black white. There's two black and Cosby's there. Oh, yes, but I can't even tell. Oh, wait, where's Cosby? There's J more. Cosby's number three. Oh, yeah, he's black and white. I don't see Jeffrey Garry. No, he's not in this group. Maybe he was in a better group, but he looked amazing as a white. I ain't lying in there. I'm a legend. I can be there. Anywho. Wow.

Sorry, we're all over the place. No, we're all over the place. I feel like I took us on a rope. Actually, we're talking about Twitter, and I saw today, you're tweet killed me. A couple weeks ago. Oh, you texted me or sent me a message. What did I say? I don't even know.

I just did a couch. Yeah. It's carbs. Furniture or carbs. So I know it's not I didn't by the way the tweet was not I just ate a couch because that's so hacky. What did you say? I don't remember, but there was something else to it.

It wasn't just like, hi, everyone. I just said, yeah, it's something like that. It was very funny. Well, I mean, I just had a couchers and I want to fucking kill myself. It's very hard. I just had a couchers not as the least hacky thing I've ever heard of my life. I don't know what the fuck you're having low self-esteem about. That would made me laugh for 10 minutes. Because I'm just reading through the Twitter feed. I don't tweet. I don't find hate Twitter. I don't fuck with it. I don't read any comments.

I don't read. I'll just roll through it. I was like, you know, Trump is this and we need this and I'll be here this weekend. I just did a coach. I was just like, what the fuck was that? Joe, but you're good on Twitter. Oh, thank you. I haven't had a good one.

I know I tried a couple of times. I tweet when I feel like I'm like, sometimes I'll be like, I should have a tweet and then I'll just be like this. I'm like, try to shit out a tweet. I know. And a lot of them are funny. It's so uh. Yeah.

Twitter is a fucking. It's a great. That people are memes. But everybody's fucking angry. I'm very angry. I feel like I've managed to block everybody negative though. I haven't had a lot of bad Instagram is coming up with this new thing. I think it's hilarious. It's so when you, when somebody tweets or Instagrams a comment or mean thing on their next

time that they do it, it's going to come up and go, Hey, maybe you want to rethink this comment. It's a little mean. And that's his. So they're going to try to shame. They're trying to shame the bullies and the trolls. Like it's going to have any of that. Look at the screen. What he's passing right now. I'm out of my mind. All right.

All right. That looks great. Yeah, looks awesome. Is that fun? It would be better on my vagina. I mean, I have to be honest with you. It was a little comfortable in my face. Well, if I need that many hands on your vagina, you need to fix your vagina.

I've been had a hand on my vagina in a really long time. Really? Yeah. Why? Because I have babies. Yeah, you keep them. I've twin fucking month year olds. It's real.

It's three and a half year olds. I was just talking about that today. 13 year olds. Right? You have a lot of kids. I have four daughters now. That's not right. I don't have any of them. Isn't that crazy? 13-year-old. You have a lot of kids. I have four daughters now. I don't have any of them. Isn't that crazy?

I have two baby mon. I know I have a mark. I have like a women's march. No. That's great. It's great. No, why did you want to have more kids? I didn't want kids from the get go.

This is completely honest. I never wanted it. I did not growing up never once. I never wanted to. I did never ever. I'm not growing up never once. I don't want a good love kids. I don't want them. I don't want them to. I don't want them to. I don't want them to go there. The kids. I'm going to go. I literally will go in the other room. Right. But then with my ex, we had a child and I fell in love with her at a very hard situation because I didn't have legal rights. We were married, but it wasn't legal at the time. So I went through a lot with that. And then I got married again. And she wanted kids. And I was like, okay, I

can do this. So we had a daughter. This is just my life. It's not to be anything, but she was born with heart disease. So six days old, she had open heart surgery. She's had three open heart surgeries and a stent. And she's three and a half. And so, and we wanted, I wanted her to have a sibling. This is literally how it happened. I really didn't want her to be an only child and wanted because she has two moms. So, you know, she's already, she needs to have a, what about the other sibling?

Oh, you want to? Well, so he's in my life. She lives on, that's why I live on Long Island to be near her. I see her constantly, my 13 year old. But we ended up having twins. We did in vitro and it was twins. We didn't plan it. It was like, we both, I'll never forget it. We were like, what twins?

Do you have to keep up with the, I mean, I tried to push her down the stairs, but she is a softball player. So she caught herself. I paid for her space for St. John's, so she's loved us. So, so it's, and you know what? I'm so happy. I love them all so much, but I just don't, I don't love kids, but I love my kids. That's the truth. Um, I actually love kids. I'm great with kids and it sucks, but I never wanted kids. Me and Dawn used to sit there on the beach in Aruba with kids.

At the, at the, at the, at the kids beach in a room with kids at the at the At the I'm gonna be kids because it sucks because I'll go somewhere and kids Parents suck with kids like I'll go to the park and I'll be playing with all the kids and this be some dad And so a bunch of moms on their phone And I'm like your kid is right here. You fucking dummy Like go have fun with them. They're gonna remember it for the rest of their lives. And you're sitting there just being an adult. It's like, say something to them. People are awful. I see that so much. They just don't even pay attention to their children. I had a kid fall off the jungle gym in front of his dad and land on the rubber

mat and make a thump. And the kid just went, oh, and looked at the dad on his phone. And that was it. You're good. He's like, I guess it's like, right. I have a choice. Yeah, I have to be good. You're not going to take me anywhere. It's not that I don't love kid. I just think a lot of them aren't well be hate. I have a thing about that. I mean, I had to, you know, fucked up vent whatever, but I was taught manners and different things and. Yeah. Wait a hard time this weekend with Max. Why?

We went to, it's, you know, look, it sucks me because I never had a constant father figure in my life. So being a dad, I have to, I have to, I have to go my instincts a lot or I have to, and my father just passed away and it sucks to my stepdad this year because he was, Max was just getting into the age where I could call him and connect with him about these things. You know, we connected when I got the house about the backyard and grass and shit like that, but now, you know, I know those moments that are fucking, you're going to deck there, you're going to level out the deck. And then

you're like, what are we, what is this? Right. He's like, I need a hard, just throw a feeling out there. Yeah. Well, he was, but when we had Max and now that Max was getting older, he could, I could call him and be like, look, man, he did this today. Well, listen, you know, that's what's going to happen with these kids and I could get some and be like, look, man, he did this today. Well, listen, you know, that's what's gonna happen with these kids and I could get some. But now, you know, now him being gone, it's like this year has been like, you know,

who am I gonna go to? I can't, it doesn't matter to you. I got to talk to people and they'll just, yeah, yeah, it's tough. I know. It's tough being a parent. Oh, thanks. Thanks.

No examples. No, I know. You know, no, you know, and there's a couple of people that kind of help me here and there that I can talk to and they're good with it. But boss seems like a good dad. Yeah, I'm gonna call you really. His daughters are hot.

Oh my God, that is the funniest thing. I know I, I know I masturbated to them when I was a wedding pictures. It was hot. His daughter, they're beautiful. They're from another gene pool though. Right. His daughter and his daughter was at Norton's party the day. She walked in and I'm like, why is this beautiful human being even talking to Voss? I didn't know as his daughter. She's so, and then the boyfriend walked in and he's

like, Hey, how are you? Whatever his name is. I'm like, he's a man. Like he's younger than Voss and Voss is in fucking true religion genes and stupid Nike's in a dumb hat. And this guy walked in, hey, how are you? Prince, ensure to some, I worry, I'm Gary. And I'm like, that's a fucking man. It's weird. His, his daughters are amazing.

Yeah. But anyways, I had, yeah, like we went to the party this weekend over Versus and there's a bunch of kids and Max is, Max gets out of the car. Max you're going to stand. He's bigger than his most six year olds, but he's also, he has a personality. He'll walk up. What's up? What's going on?

How are you? I'm Max. You know, I love Doritos and just start talking to people. And he walks in into the house, hey, Paul, how are you? You know, it starts talking to people and all the kids are there. But he's, you know, he's got a lot of energy. He's six. And there's, there was a, no, a few older kids there, whatever, not all 11, 12, whatever the fuck they are. And they fucking, there's a bunch of girls and versus kids. And they were fucking, you know, anyone I think they do it, Max. And I'm sitting there watching it and me and Donna there and we're trying to, you know,

Max come on and play with us. No, no, he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to be with me. He wants to be with the kids. And I'm like, Max, come on, it's me, no, dad, I want to play. And it's a great, go do your thing. And you want to let them fail, but it's like heartbreaking. And they're running away from him. And he's chasing them all the way around.

And then they locked him in the shed. hilarious. And I didn't know. I saw it, but I thought, you know, and he, they did it twice. And it was like, fuck me. I would have said you didn't know, I saw it, but I thought, you know, and he did it twice. And it was like, fuck me. I would have said, you didn't, I would have said something. Well, Don went in the house and I guess the girls, I guess one of the mothers was talking,

they were talking, they was like, he's a psycho or something, we're talking about little Maxi. He six you fucking twats. Well, that's the thing they're probably thrown off by someone that talks to people. I thought that I'm, I'm I'm I wedding. He walked up to kids and I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm Yeah, Max is not that guy. So I think people seeing an outgoing child, they're like, what's up with this guy? Max, they're not like that?

They're more social. Interesting. Yeah, maybe it's not family. Well, everyone in my family, I have no my friends kids too. No, but that's common. They walk in their hiding behind the couch when you walk in. Oh, they're very just like little fucking scared. Right.

Yeah, Max isn't that guy. But whenever, so Don walked in on this and she heard the little girls and she's lost it. She's like, she comes over to me. She goes, get your shit. We're gone. We're out of here. I'm like, what?

We just, glue, we just got there. Girls are mean. And I'm like, to me, my wife says we're out, we're out. So I get, I go, yep, I start grabbing my shit. Whatever my, you know, I got my wife's back. I don't give a fuck where we are. And she was like, they fucking, my wife was fucking mad.

I would full my wife was mad. I would. And I mean, when I get mad, it's one thing. When Dawn gets mad, it's a whole nother level. I get fucking scared. And she was like, we're out, we're with a fuck. And she goes, Max, and she's grabbing all, she's got literally all our stuff in five seconds.

I know she did it. We're all over the place. She's got everything and she goes and then Versi's like, dude, what the fuck? What I go to do it. I got to go. Something happened with Max. The treating Max like shit. And I walked into little kids.

I go, you know, you know, when you talk, when you say mean stuff to other kids, that's terrible. You should never do that. You shouldn't you shouldn't do that. You should be friends with everybody and they're like, we didn't say bullshit, right? And then Verzi's wife is, she literally heard about it and we were leaving. And she lined up all the kids. She lined them all up and she screamed at them.

And her kids too, she was like, you know, you know, well, I don't know what she said, but I heard it was pretty fucking epic. She lined them all up in the kitchen and just like, you don't treat people like that, you know, screamed at them. We don't do that to people. You be nice to him. She grabbed her kids and goes, you too, you make, you're on, you know, you make sure Max

has a good time. And because, for as a kid, great. They're really good kids. I think what happens is you just follow the leader. Of course. And very easy comes up to me. He's like, yeah, he goes, I know exactly who it was. I know who the fuck it was. The fucking fat fuck, you know, and he just goes, he's a guy. This fucking mother fuck and he knew exactly what girl was doing.

Yeah, there's one that's a bully. They're already their bully. Yeah. But Max doesn't even know. Max is just dude, seeing your kids sad. It's the it makes you want to just kill people, man. It makes you want to just start fucking grab and people by the neck. Yeah, that's why I don't want to have a kid. How you'll have a kid, you'll be a great dad. You keep saying that. Well, like five years of women saying this, you'll have a kid. I'm not having a kid. We're giving you a kid. Max, do you want one of mine? I'm paying for it. I'm in first.

You're taking Max. Me and Donna moving to a rubah. We're taking over a Rubah raised job. Hello, I'm good. Yeah, so anyways, it was really sad, but they worked it out, but we were now sitting there just staring at Max the whole time. We're waiting. We're just waiting.

We're playing zone defense. We're just waiting for one of these little fuck faces. Yeah. To fuck with my kid. Don was like, if anything, she was just going to fucking go fuck you, your little fuck and grab and we were out. Danielle would flip I would be very afraid to see. Yeah, my wife. Don was, I've never seen, I mean, she had all our shit goes where out of here in front of everybody. So did you end up leaving it? You see, we want to stay in because here's the thing. They dealt with it. Staste, you know, versus wife did the right thing and literally line them up like criminals

and fucking screamed at him. And, you know, they did the right thing and then Max had a good time after that. But, you know, Max is just too mature for his age bracket and he's too young for the older kids. Right. So he's too crazy. He's fun and be goofy and silly and fucking fight dragons and, you know, this fat bitch wanted to whatever the fuck little fucking asshole she was. Yeah, that is really, it doesn't happen a lot.

It does happen to me a lot. It's happened to Max. It happened in Westchester. It's not be fucking little spoil breaths. Right. And I told Max, because you can't just, you can't just let him, you got to go max. Somebody does that to you. You tell them what they are.

You're a mean person, you're a bully, and you should be ashamed of yourself. Well, come on with one of those fucking shed tools. Yeah. Fuck them up. But that's what I'm afraid of, dude. That's how people, that's how kids, yeah, you get hurt enough and becomes angered, Joe. Well, wouldn't it be kind of fun, even if it may make a cartoon about it or some, the

Max gets locked in the shed and he comes out with a weed whacker and just kills the girl. Which one? The one that did it. I don't know, Versus kids get hurt. No, not Versus kids, the girl that knocked him in the thing. Just the fat one. They all did it together as well. All right, so he kills all of them.

I think they did do that. I think it's going to frighten the 13th. It's not a bad. Well, you know, pretty sure they've done it with every hard movie. It changed so I'm actually. I'm pretty sure. A vengeance. Yeah, they've done that. But I thought. James saw a massive. I'm pretty sure of vengeance. Yeah, they've done that.

But I thought that was interesting when you said to go in the shed and yeah, come out fucking virulent. Yeah. And by the way, if my kid ever did that to another kid, I would that would be it. I'm wondering what their her parents did because I would flip nothing. That's why that's my point. I mean, I think she talked to them or they talked to them, but they didn't. That would be it. Max would get his life taken over. Exactly.

For a month, literally for that week, he wouldn't be able to have a movie. No, iPad, no, not he would have to, I'd give him a puzzle. That's what you play with. Put a puzzle together. That's all you get. That's like that because they don't get reprimanded a lot and it's okay. And it's funny or it's whatever You know, it's crazy that max and then max was Sneaking like he was just eating those candy everywhere and cupcakes So I go downstairs when he's over by the fire pit and I walk over and Janice is there It's all the couples now because it's late after the fireworks and

Fucking It's all the couples now because it's late after the fireworks. And fucking, he goes, yeah, your kid was, there's a box of candies, right? And he's like, your kid was going nuts. I go, did you ever think to tell him to stop? Like he was, I mean, you know, just, what if there was a fucking bowl of coke, you're gonna let him just, you know what, you fucking, you know what I mean? You know what, I smoked all the weed. Cause like,

he kid was going nuts with the candy. I'm like, you fucks, and you could have stopped him or grabbed me. And then he go, I go inside. He went upstairs with Versus daughter. He wanted to watch a movie with Versus daughter.

So he went upstairs and got, there was a Treya cookies. He brought him down. And he's got a Treya cookies in front of him and the clicker. And he's like, we're watching a movie and I'm I'm like you can't have any more fucking sweets kid we go outside and just throws up yeah fucking pukes right in front of bird his wife and I'm like Jesus God. I put your kids puke and dead. He had too much candy, dude. Anything happened during the movie? Uh, the cheese.

Well, we all thought that. We all thought that. It sounded spicy. Yeah. It's tough. It's really hard being a parent. Yeah. It's a motherfucker.

You heard it here, folks. Especially when you come from a lot. I really say epic shit. Parenting is hard. Is when you come from what? Never hot take. Hot takes by Kelly. The worst part, doesn't this? I'm not the abummer. Like I feel like my parents were great and wonderful people and they tried so hard. I'm in therapy and AA and fucking I got a meditate and I got to I got to read Tick-Not Han books and they're like quality people. No, I think no meditate and I got to read Tick-Nought Han books. And they're like quality people.

No matter how good you do. That's right. It's a fucking mess. But you can, but you do always how you love your parents and they love you. Of course. So you know that no matter what, no matter what happens with Mark Norman and his success, and it doesn't cling onto you and you have to open for Louis for the rest of your life, and then give up this business and then go back to Boston.

Your parents still love you. Yes. And we don't know if Mark Norman has parents. I know. We believe he was made in the basement. In a lab. I know for sure one of my parents loves me and I'm doing quite well, Bob.

I know, you're doing great. Yeah, it's very mean. I don't know if you love me, do you love me? I love you more than anybody you know. That's probably fair. I do love it. That's very mean. I don't know if you love me, do you love me? I love you more than anybody you know. That's probably it's fair. I do love it. That's very sweet. I do love you. I love you enough to let you go, Joe, because I know you'll come back. Oh, thank you. This is getting nauseated. I am back. You don't see soda here. I know. I said, I'm going to do Bobby's pod and he's like, is that still going on? That's what he said. That's where it is. I swear to God. I swear to God. You just did a lie to God. You don't love you both.

You don't think they both love you. No, they do. Of course I love them. But my dad is very quiet. He's not an openly loving. I fuck. I took him to the stone show on Sunday. I think you'd like to.

I kiss my kid on the mouth. What? I love my kid. Oh, right on the fucking lips. You kiss your kid on the mouth. What do you mean? Like this? Yeah, it doesn't.

I go like this. Say goodbye to daddy. Say goodbye to daddy. Hey, let me put my underwear on. Say goodbye to daddy. I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I leave, I'm a psychcissor.

I'm missing. He's, yeah. It's funny. Me and Max Cissors, too. Me and Don Cissor in front of Max. And then, you guys, Cissor, I would love to see that. Oh, my God. My wife would love it, too.

We haven't touched. I know. It's not easy. It's not easy because the kid, the kids right there, you know, I don't think what I wanted to do with me anymore anyways. The other day we were on the couch like, like being flirty and doing stuff and I just literally kept looking to see if Isabella was going to walk out of her room. I mean, she just walks out all the time.

It's like, I have to be. I'm like, I can't have her see that this is traumatizing. It is. Well, my thing is have her see that this is traumatizing. It is. Well, my thing is Dawn is so exhausted by 9.30. Like if I try to play with her for China, she'd probably fucking chip my teeth. Like she is fucking, she wakes up and goes all day and doesn't nap.

And I'll fucking, I'll wake up with the kid everyday, but I'll go back to bed because I got to work all night. Does that annoy her? No, because I, I'm working at night. So when she's in bed, I'm out doing five fucking shows dealing with all this bullshit. So I got to do what the fuck I got to do. I'd rather be home with them. I'd rather be home all day with them.

So it's not a, why would it annoy her? Well, it's hard for Danielle sometimes when she's exhausted from being with the kid, you know, and then I'm like, I'm gonna lay down for a little while. It's, Well, do you ever just say, why don't you go lay down? I got it.

Yeah, well, she's not, she won't, yeah. She's not a, and doesn't do that. It is, she's not depressed. It is frustrating, I think, for what's not siblings, what's the word, your wife? What's that? Spouses, spouses, because as much as we're doing work

and it's business, we are having a great time. Like you're working right now, but also, you're hanging out with a bunch of buddies. Yeah. So it is tricky. Like one person's typing or whatever the fuck people do with jobs, I don't know what jobs are. No, I couldn't know. I was thinking about. No, I couldn't, I was thinking about that.

I was, I was taking the garbage down last night. I was like, wow, I could never do all the shit that she does. Like I couldn't fucking handle it. I couldn't either. Like shopping. I'm done. I would get the same shit. We'd order out every fucking night.

I mean, she was cleaning today. I'm like, aren't them, like, there's a maid coming in a week. Why are you washing the fucking, you're scrubbing? She's like, I just got to get it done. I think it's just her thing. Well, that's the same thing. She was up on the counter wiping the top of the top of the top. I mean, what's she doing? I fucking hit her. If she doesn't do certain things. Yeah, that's important. So that training her at the beginning of the relationship, I am poor, has paid off now. Right.

You should have just a quick pass. Yeah, not a hitter. I mean, there's a time when you can stop hitting, it's like a dog. You beat the shit out of him at the beginning and then you don't have to. That's right. You go, you go, don't sit out. Yeah. And then she, you know, I can just raise my voice a little bit.

She does what I do. She knows what's coming. She knows what's coming. She knows what's coming. She knows what's not coming. It's exactly. She's a fucking chubby husband. I have to hide my dick in the shower. She brought me a towel and I just turned and faced a wall like, yeah, I'm ashamed too.

I'm not fucking. I'm ashamed. What is that? I can't leave I'm ashamed of my own fucking. I'm ashamed to be naked. I can't help. I can't help myself. I, I, I do. I cover myself. I'm ashamed of my own fucking I'm ashamed be I cover myself I

I do I cover myself I have the towel ready to go me too I don't even if I'm home alone. I can't even handle seeing my own No, I feel that way after sex like I'll bend over to get my thing and I have to bend over like a like a lady wearing a skirt I don't want to see my asshole like a lady wearing a skirt. I don't want to see my asshole. Cause I never get all of it, you know, this got to be some kind of, who in my ass. Who in my ass? What do you call it? The stretch my, I have like pimples on my ass.

Oh, Jesus, I just became more gay. Yeah, it's not good. Yeah, I don't know if it was a time when I was younger where I was I didn't care, but now I fucking care so much. I can't even look at myself. I got a fucking ad. I remember, it was the other day and I think Matt, I went like this to Max and he goes, what's that? And I had a skin tag in my armpit and I just looked at my wife's face and she was like this. And I just looked at my wife's face and she was like this. Ooh. And she was like, tell him.

That was a guy. He was like, you're a fuck made, dude. I know. I have a fatty system, my shoulder. I'm like, I have, what is a fat? I'm like, I fat on my fat. Like the doctor was like, you have a fatty system. Like, what's a fatty, my whole body is a fatty system.

What is it? Are there things? System. No, I have a system. Oh, these are they saying system? No, I have a sis. Oh, they said a fatty system. No, I have a fatty sis on my show. That sounds unpleasant. It has to be.

Sure, it's not a twin. You can't. It has teeth in hair. You do an act in Vegas. When you turn around and face the crowd, just right when I bite back to the wall. Just never eye open up. I'm going to make it.

You're never going to make it. I'm going to residence bitch. Hates yourself. I have a resident guerra. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Fui paraas, huela desde Madrid a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Bolotea. Sarifa sujeta a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Jessica, Jessica, ha sido un podcast que ha sido de nuevo. Joe, de course, ha sido un podcast, dos de sus historias, con un famoso y suelo de ser

un hombre de puta gente, Marc Norman. Y, como se dice, es muy famosa podcast, si te quieres aplausos, te voy a ser Marc Norman and soon to be holy shit person, Mark Norman. And as soon as he becomes really famous podcast over. So if you guys want to apply to be the Mark Norman's replacement, that's really, that's really hurtful. Come on, Joe. What the fuck? We're not going anywhere. No, you're not going anywhere. We've been on a long time. And Jessica, you have a brand new podcast. Yeah, Mark's very loyal. He wouldn't, you know, think he would walk away from his coming out now, right? My podcast came out today. Today?

Yeah. What's it called? I released three of them. It's called relatively sane. And it's great. I went to school to be a therapist. My mother's a therapist. My wife is a therapist.

And I'm in therapy seven times a week. But it's really more of a deep podcast. I didn't want to do like a funny, everyone laughing and having a weird job. That's how we felt tonight. Yeah, did I get a little more serious and I like it. I mean, it's funny, but it's also, you know, you're talking serious business here.

Yeah, I put that on my guess. Yeah. But I just, I wanted to do an interview show, you know, like a podcast and it's great. People have really talked about real shit. Well, who do you have to answer? I had a, well, Gary Goldman, yeah, Bonnie McFarlane and Tim Dillon today, but I've interviewed Gaffigan and Sal and, uh, and Lisa Lampinelli and a bunch of people.

It's great. I'm doing business. Where do we find this? It's everywhere. Wherever you can find a podcast. It's on my website, jescocursin.com. What do you want people to go? Your website for this?

Yes. Sure. Jescocursin.com and it's relatively sane. It's out today. That's great. You got some good guests on this. And I'm also, I also interview my family members. So my mom's done two of them.

My brother did one. So it's about relationships family. I'd love to have you do it, but you're too busy. And Joe, you'd be amazing. I'm happy to do it. I love that. Mark Norman's doing it on Saturday. That's not too busy. I've been around a lot this summer. I'm out of who you've talked to. That would you do it? Like I asked Bill Bird a post it today and he goes, if you'll have me as a guest, like I don't even ask for anything. I'm so pathetic. It goes only hard. It is hard. Is it?

What if some people are really good at it? They don't. Some I tell you, I feel like the comics, some of them that are doing the best. Hey, I don't know you, but could you post my, I'm a, I have a tour this summer for the Treehouse comedy club in Connecticut. Would you mind posting it on your website and asking all your friends to post it? It's a bringer. They say things. People will be like, it doesn't hurt to ask.

It never hurts to ask. I'm like, sometimes it does. Sometimes it hurts. I have it from personal experience with, you know, my stepbrothers famous. It's been hard. Like, it's very hard for me to ask for favors. Yeah, sometimes you go, okay, can I come, uh, fucking sit in on you and your wife hanging out? Can I open for you? And you go, no, I hate this guy. Yeah, that hurts. But I'm saying some people also, some people have no problem asking.

And they get really far. Yeah. You know, there's some comics. Yeah, but they get really far. Here's the thing. It's this, you just want to make it on your own. You want to just put, you want to think of something, do it, put it out there, have people respond to it. And that's not the way the world works anymore. I know. Okay. And there's a lot of people that literally will just do whatever

it takes to become popular, not funny, but popular. And then they'll just ask, be nice, ask you for something, ask you for something, just keep going. And then all of a sudden, they have all this stuff that they got from other people. And you just want it to be yours. You want it to be on your own merit. But there's a fine line between going, look, Jess, you're one of the funniest people out there. Okay, nobody, you know, everybody knows that. So when you ask for something, people like, of course, you have fucking ass. All you, I love you. You're the best. We've been in the trenches for a long time. You're making some progress right now. Things are happening. Yes, of course.

So you got to know, you got to kind of know where you're at. I know you're right. You have to be somewhere in the middle and I'm trying to be more, you know, I'm trying, trying, the diva's not the right word, but like, you know, they'll be like, well, what do you want? I'm like, I still in a water bottle. Like I'm so, I need to start raising that up a little bit. Yeah. That's my type of so essence.

Well, here's the thing is that we deal with these people that will, as soon as you do that, they're like, oh, fucking whatever. Right. She's a bitch. Yeah. And if you don't ever, if it doesn't happen right now, then they treat it like shit. Then they're like, oh, fuck yourself. That exists.

You can't say it doesn't. I've seen club owners and clubs treat people, you know, the, the, and then there's people that are famous to take advantage of that. I know. So it's like, you know, take out the green M&M and ask, go fuck yourself. You know, the certain things were, they treat people like dogs because they can.

You know, so there's, but you're not like that. Everybody knows you're a sweetheart. The key to asking, I think, is you have to have a relationship with the person and the quality product. It's weird when people ask for favors and you're like, I don't even fucking know you.

That's what's insane. Like, you know them and it's not quality. It for favors and you're like, I don't even fucking know you. That's what's insane. Like, you know them and it's not quality. It's crazy. It's really crazy. I've had some people send me messages that I don't even know. That's what I mean. That have said, can you get me a no addition at the seller?

I'm like, I met you once in Norwich, Connecticut, five years ago at a gig. I don't even know who you are. It's crazy. Everybody in their mother thinks that I can get them in the seller. I know. And it's like, listen Like I don't even know who you are. I've never it's crazy. Everybody in their mother thinks that I can get them in the cell. I know. And it's like, listen, I don't have that.

If anything, it's worse for you if I say something. Because if you, if you fuck me, if you don't do good, I'm fucked. Right. And she gets upset. If you get upset, I know. I got in, you know, I got in trouble with one of our friends a week ago. The guy we know. I got fucking talk to, you know, yeah, because I try to fucking say something. I was like,

you know, don't do that. It's a guy, you know, but you never know. Like Joe DeRosa just got his pass of the club now. Oh, nice. So that's great. And then what's your name? Who's the other girl, the blonde girl? Rosebud Baker got passed. Oh, nice. So amazing. Yeah. I just think it doesn't make sense sometimes

because some people she doesn't want to look at at at all. You know, I don't know. It just doesn't, it's hard to know who does suggest and who not to. What time she said a thing that I thought was interesting where she said, when you recommend, I might as well as before here, when you recommend someone, you should be doing her the favor, not the comedian the favor.

Right. She said that to me too. But it's like, how do you tell somebody you're not ready to do the seller? Because who the fuck am I? I don't know. I don't even know if I was ready when I started, you know, I don't know what ready even means. Yeah, but what somebody asked you, like, yeah, and I'm like, do you think you're ready?

Yeah, I'm ready. It's like, I have to time on to go, you're not. You're just not, you're not going to fucking make it. You're just not ready. I know who works the seller and you think that it's easy. It's not. You get on stage there and something happens. When you get to have five minutes in front of S.D.

on a Saturday night, after somebody like Norton or whatever, just murdered, I don't care who you think you are. It affects you. Oh my God. I didn't pass the first time. She looked to me and she was, oh no, no, no. You come back in a year or two.

Yeah. And I did. I came back in two years, but she, it did not go well. A scariest thing, it's so skitt, I get sick for people when they have to audition. Like physically sick. I love it. I love it because I know when they're like, I, I, I say? I go, nothing, just sit here and be you. I'm shocked.

I'm completely shocked right now that he just got passed. I had no idea. He was passed before, but he'd been away for so long as you wanted to see him. Oh, God, it got it. Same with me. Really? Yeah, well, I had a similar thing.

I got passed in 07. And that was before, that was way back. That was before there was a bunch of people there that didn't really have a lot of Mm-hmm. I think I was one of the early ones with no Real credits because DiPolo recommended me and she's like you must be very special He's never recommended anyone and I was like great because I didn't even ask him. He just did it But that was back when I think it was like you had to have two recommendations and multiple TV It was like serious. Well back when the salad only had the salad

You had four shows on Friday and Saturday. Right. And you had two shows during the week and we only had one club. And one long show. Oh, the one long show. That was even before that then. Yeah. So that's when the salad just started popping.

Right. And these spots were fucking precious. Precious. Yeah. So it was getting one was like, but I did a white auditioned and then I passed and then I did one set and I went up to Shiraad who murdered and I went up and I just couldn't I was I snunk and I was like running out of material like I couldn't remember my material I did like 12 minutes and I was like looking for the light and shit and I was like sweating

I had flop sweat and I was like I don't have any more Joe I remember I you know that feeling we've all done it I was like looking for the light and shit. And I was like sweating, I had flop sweat. And I was like, I don't have any more joke. I remember, you know that feeling with all done it, we're all the sudden you're in a bit that you're like, I haven't done this bit in three years. Yeah. Yeah, we were like, where did this come from? I don't even know where the fuck this bit came.

Like I dropped this bit. Cause it's always happens that some, you know, these stupid festival things are, when it's a bunch of comedians and the crowd stinks, I always find myself just doing it. Just a joke from a 10 years ago. I know I know get work a little bit. It always coincides with that trickle of back sweat down the middle of your back. It happens in the exact same time you feel that you're like, I don't even know how this bit

always have that. So that's always right now. I have it. I'm like a fucking gorilla. That I came up and she was like, because it back then, if I remember, she was just around a lot. She was, it wasn't as weak. People don't understand that back of the day as she was in the room. Yes, I remember that in a chair smoking. Oh, that's way back. So she used to watch every fucking show.

So you're sitting there and as he's in the hallway, just watching you murder or bomb. You know, you know, so that's when you really had to have you shit together back then. Well, she wasn't like that, but she was there. It was on Wednesday and she was in the building. And then I came upstairs and she was like, how did it go?

And I thought I shouldn't say it went great if she was down there, if she hears. I don't want her to think that's what I think good is. So I was like, ah, not great. And she was like, really? And then I talked to Colin later. And Colin was like, never say that. Never.

He's like, just tell her it was great. He's like, what are you doing? No. And then I didn't get a spot. I put in for like 10 months. And then it wasn't even email. It was phone back then. She would have known.

And I put in for like 10 months. And then just was like, I guess it was phone back then. She would have known. And I put in for like 10 months and then just was like, I guess I don't work anymore. She would have known. He's right. She would have watched it anyway. Yeah. Her heart was a little bit harder. Her heart was a little harder. Yeah. And I was out and then I came back with you years later. Yeah, yeah. 2013, which was, even that was seven years ago.

That's that I'm fucking years ago. Yeah, it's a weird thing, man. It's a weird thing. This club is a, it's like so many people want to be in. And it's like some, you just not, I don't, I get it, but you know, I know when I came out, I wanted to be in the strip. The strip was the hottest club. The seller wasn't.

The strip was the motherfucker. Everybody was happy. Me too, and he didn't pass me. He wouldn't pass me. He didn't get me at all. Now that he didn't get people who killed. He didn't. He's like, you, he's like, you're not your characters aren't fun. It like he was so critical. I hated him. I was so happy.

Yeah. I hated him at the time when he came in with a glove with missing fingers. I was so happy. Maybe so happy. I knew you were going to say that's where to go. Hey, look at that fucking stupid illusion. Oh, yeah, it was like it was like a candle. Hello, Robber. Oh, the dead fucking glove hand.

Yeah, I'm like, what's up, Dennis? Vanessa. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, man, that's just a date. She was married. Oh, shit, I didn't know that. Yeah. God. But he'd be like, you don't have, you don't have. We're giving him like count Dracula. You didn't have an accent. I'd be like,

right here. Here's your finger back. I found this on the floor. I'm going to go back to the seller here. Take this. Take your take your. Can I, can I have your knuckle? I was going, do you want this back? Why is there an ear on my back? You know what? He said horrible, he said horrible things to people. Yes. I'm not kidding. Like not even to him. He didn't like me.

But the things he said to people were so uncalled for. It was not okay. Like we already have enough black people here. You're too fat to be a con. I mean, he would say things that were so crazy. He said to me, what do you say? We have a black people in your fat. I was like, but I'm white.

I remember he did tell me he goes, we have enough white guys work here. I go, my five minutes was about me looking Puerto Rican, not white. He goes, we have a lot of Spanish too. We have enough Spanish. I was like, well, you don't fucking want me. That's just, you know, you were, you were whipped, whipped, whipped, piece of shit. You fucking cocks out. And then I pointed out and made a girl. He did, Santa. Remember who it was, but he did say you're not pretty enough to do that. It was true. He really was me. Yeah, I'm not kidding. It was much worse than I'm even talking to you. She was ugly though. He really was me. Yeah, I'm not kidding. It was much worse than I'm even she was ugly though. He had a point. No, was it you? It sounds like it might have been. She thinks she thinks she's she

thinks she's off the charts attempt. I do have to bring this up every podcast. I think she's are she's a Jersey six. That's cool. No, no way. Yeah, absolutely. I think you're whatever it's because you enjoy the same body. That's true. I know. The same dress I still do. You're very lovely. Now of course, you're beautiful. For me, there's only my wife. Of course, I know. Yeah, of course. I look at your life and I would fucking kill myself. I do think there's something about. Well, who's life? But Joe, Joe and his wife travel together and do shows together. Which if I had to do that with my wife, I admire that you guys do it and you love each other. But if I had to do that, my wife, I couldn't. I would wind up just killing each other. Yeah, I think we're easy. I don't know. Yeah,

did you guys both don't you both work on yourself? I mean, it makes a big difference if you work on yourself. I do a lot. Yeah. Oh, well, even if one seriously, even if one person does, it's very helpful. Yeah, no, it's good. We go on the road and she's good. We have good, what do you call it? Ying Yang thing. Right. Yeah. Like I like to make a plan. I have OCD. I'm like, what we eat here and then we get up and she's pretty like, all right, that sounds good to me. Let me ask her question.

What if she becomes, what if she just pops and has to go on the road and hand line all the time and and she should be making money. But what if she was like, all right, I'm going to, I got to go here and she doesn't want to take you with her. Like you can't, you're like, I'm going to, I got to go here and she doesn't want to take you with her. Like you can't, you're like, I'm not, you're not going to open for her, right? No, I mean, she would have to be really big for me to open for her. But I would if she was, if she was Amy Schumer, I'd be happy to open for her. So you'd be fine. You'd be fine. I'll only, you know, problem.

Well, it's too much. She's taken care of me, but I mean, right now I make good money. So it's like, like, I'm not opening for Louis anymore because I have my own work. And he's doing much smaller venues. but I mean, right now I make good money. So it's like, I'm not opening for Louis anymore because I have my own work, and he's doing much smaller venues. But, I just said that to a microphone. Oh, that's amazing. And he's doing much more.

I'm not getting what I used to guess. He gave me a saco last week. But I would be, I mean, I think we've had this conversation before, but we've had almost these ideal exact things. So you're like, you're gonna have a kid and what of Sarah was huge. Well, I still think you might have a kid someday because you, how old are you?

She's 59 years old. That's amazing. I'm not, you're not going to have it with her vagina. You have to bake it in some way. I was going to have to find one on the street or whatever. But we'll have it for you. That'd be great. That's a good oven. She'd be great. That's a go up and she's an, we have an Italian, my wife is an Italian bakery. I think that like if if you, if she becomes big with she's headlining, what if you're here and she's there, like you never see each other on weekends? That's a good task. I mean, like we'd have to, you know, you just work your schedules around it. I mean, that's like that a lot of the times. I'm on the road. Like, I'm about

to leave for two straight weeks. I won't see her. Right. It makes me sad. Yeah. But yeah, that's all right. That's a long time. It's hard. Did you write a show together? Yeah, people have said that, but I don't know how to do that. I think that would be great. No one's done that, have they? No, except for everybody who married Kerry Louis, Rich Voss. No, doing writing a show together? Yeah, I mean, every comedy couple in the world has thought of that. Yeah. Rich Voss and Bonnie, Kerry Louise and Tom Cotter.

Yeah, but this is one where we're both good. That's different. Right. I can't. So funny. Just kidding. We know. You know what I'm saying that. Um, I know I beat I love them. My wife and family come.

But if they were there every week, I would fucking lose. Well, we don't do every week though. A lot of weeks were not together. It'd be much of a week. It's like some of the weeks I don't want to, what do you call that maker, put her in that situation? Like Bobby Jewel side splitter. I don't know. I don't want my wife hanging out at Tampa side splitters. I know it depends where. The place. She ever like just annihilated in front of you where she made it hard for you?

No, because she's very strong. She's very good. She does jokes. I think it's hard to get buried by someone that's a good comic. Right. I think like, for the moment, I mean, some are, some, I mean, you two could fucking bury anybody. But like, there's very few acts where someone's just standing there telling bid, telling jokes where it's like, and I feel like I'm a strong comic.

Right. I think you're great. I get what you're saying though. Like I wouldn't want to follow you guys on the road because you guys are high energy and you guys fucking kill. I've not watched some people like when I watch Mitch headburg, just tell jokes and I've never seen anyone crush like that. It was the craziest thing I've ever seen. Yeah. There's some times where I was in Michigan with them, but it was just joke, joke, joke. But it was, you know, Malaney. Yeah. Yeah.

I wouldn't want to follow that fuck. I've had to follow him at the seller doing jokes. It's another thing. But there's some example that he gets almost like music. He kills that. That he gets the crowd on and he fucking murders. Well, there's certainly a handful of acts that are great and tough fall. Like big J, obviously, I wouldn't want to like fall.

He's very, I'll fall that fat fuck button. But, but people that, the most part of people that stand there and I love big J get it. People that stand there and tell jokes like good jokes, you just go, I'm also going to do that as well. Right. Yeah. I think it's different. It's very different. It's hard for me to follow people who are high energy. It is. Yeah. Well, I think the

key is to bring it. Yes. That's like the oldest. Everyone's made that mistake at some point too, where someone's just up there fucking high energy killing. You're like, Hey, me too. I know. And then the crowd's like, what? You got to like take it down and be like, let me settle this. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you just got to take him on your ride. Right. It is. Like I had fallen her and it's fucking annoying how hard you kill your heart to follow. Yeah, we're both. But you are very hard.

I've had a really hard time. You're a fine. I mean, you're, I mean, a devastation happens after you. You know, even this weekend, you know, I have to, we, I always have to close every fucking show at the seller every weekend, which is fine. I don't mind it anymore. I've let go of the anxiety of it.

I used to have, but it still is like, someone's just murdering. And they've seen three people just murder. Now it's, and then you, and they always go, you guys ready?

We got one more, just bring me the fuck up. Because now everything is a lot of pressure to have to close these shows a lot because I find that I can't do on those shows. I can't do a lot of new stuff. I'm going up last. They just saw a sick show amazing. Yeah. One person after the next. So I'm going to go up and try new stuff. Like it's it's hard. It's harder. I was just writing with the seller sometimes too with not not to sound like an old whatever. But the hell's happened. I think it's a good lift here. Yeah. You ever see the I body? How are you? You ever see the movie real genius? No. Is that a documentary about how? Val Kilmer real genius. I've heard of it, but I didn't see it. And he's, he's, but the geniuses and he lives at a college, right? That's it.

One of my favorite movies of all time, actually, I love this movie, very silly movie. And in the dorm room, they have a guy living in the closet, another genius. And he just, he just comes in and out. That's our, that's like a real genius moment. That's the guy. He's staying, he's no him's friend. He's staying in there. I didn't know what just happened. I have to be honest with you, because I wasn't aware. And yeah, it was very interesting. The top show. There is like work closed. Yeah. No, he was trying to, he's trying to think he's trying to slow roll in,

but he just comes in. He goes in his room. That's it. All right. He's in there. Yeah, it's just, it's in there making rice looks professional. Like he doesn't look like he would belong. He's just making rice cooker bombs in there. No, no, no, I'm kidding. Yeah.

He's about to blow up a school. It's fine. It's fine. He's just, yeah. He has a list of people. There's a trail of blood from his bag. He's, this fuckers head there. Wait, what's this eyeball? Oh, it list of people. There's a trailer blood from his bag. This fuckers head there. Wait, what's this eyeball?

Oh, it's Luciens. Be wearing a hat up here. I don't see it. And then his eye comes out. That would have been perfect. Can I have that back, please? Anywho. I am.

Fuck, I, yeah, this weekend was tough tough, the kid's stuff, man, was tough. And then, you know, it's so funny too, is, and then, huh, are you okay? I tell you what, I'm telling you, the today was fucked up because maybe butter's not good for you. Are you okay? No, I just fucking, I woke up today, I had all the shit ready and then something happened with my head What like something happened with my energy and my head I woke up this morning. I went to the dentist. I got a cleaning

Fucking great and what'd you say? You I'm just a spot it. You got it I'm dying to spot it, you got it. That's not what you got. That's what I'm doing. That's what I'm doing. That's a great, you're too, look great. You're a lip, so I believe it.

It's hard to see your teeth because your lips are so fucking hot. They're so, yeah, they're so succulent. Unbelievable. You have some magical lips. I come back, I take drum lessons, right? I take my drum lesson from my guy. And after that, I'm like, all the shit, I'm going to build the dog ground. I'm doing all the stuff. I'm going to go make these phone calls, I'm like, all the shit, I'm gonna build the dog ground. I'm doing all

the stuff. I'm gonna go make all these phone calls, I have all the stuff for the tour. And my fucking head started hurting and all my energy got sucked out of me. And I didn't know what happened. I was like, am I having a heart attack? Am I dying? I was talking my way from my wife, I was like, just, just go. Well, no, you're not dying. Stop. Just, just, just, you're not dying, stop. Just, just, she's like, you're a fuck, you know what I mean? And I had to keep pushing myself all day. I was, I was a second behind myself. I know what you mean. Yeah, like a hangover.

Yes, but I'm completely sober. Like I was a second. I understand that. I'm just trying to connect the feeling. Right. A second behind myself all day long, all fucking day long. I've been like, I hear myself say something and I'm behind it. And then Max comes home and he's like, dad!

And I'm like, dude, it ain't happening. Go get that iPad and fucking crush your brain right now with Minecraft. I'm fucking go look at whatever video you want. I got explain to Max too, because he now he's listening to rap. And we can't let every song has the N word in it. Every song. I can't, I'm sorry. Every, he's like, I love Jay-Z, I'm like, you can't listen to him.

Because I gotta, every time the N word comes up, I have to go, I'm just a freckle, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, to have a bra. You can't have to follow over. African American. You can't have what? Yeah, to follow. I said, you can't have to follow over. Yeah, every song is fucking this and and Don goes, well, what do we say to him? I go, you say you can't say that word. And she's like, but but it's in every song. And she's like, why why are they saying it in the

songs? To be fair, it is confusing. Meaning, meaning black people, I'm like, why are they saying it in the songs? To be fair, it is confusing. Meaning black people, I'm like, they get to say it. And we don't because of, we did so much about dumb shit, they get to say it. Wait, what do we do? What, what do we do? We did nothing, that's why it's so tricky.

I didn't do shit. But I gotta, I hear it at the dentist, it's very confused, the dentist. It's very confused. The gym. It's all like, you know, Latinos in it, but I hear the N word 550 times in the 30 seconds I'm changing my underwear. Yeah. It's very confusing.

Just hang up the phone and don't call Lewis Gomez. You get nervous to say it. I get nervous around it. I didn't even say that word. Yeah, even if they're, I mean, they're saying, I mean, I've never said it. They're saying it in a way. Yeah, even if they're saying it and never said it. They're saying it in a way of like, what's up, home? I get it, but it is unsettling.

Because it feels weird, because there's so much. It does feel weird. I leave like this. I'm like, geez. Yeah. You ever catch yourself humming the song? And then that part's coming up and you feel like, how do you like stop yourself?

No, I don't listen to rap. It's too, I'm too anxious. I. No, I don't listen to rap. It's too, I'm too anxious. I love rap. I can't. But I know it's still great about the seller. Last night, I heard a cat Williams joke that's hilarious. Yeah.

And I want, you know, you got to, he says the N word every 30 or two words, whatever, like more than 37. He says it more than I say fuck, but you can't quote the bit without saying the word. Right. So I was at the seller table and it's Keith, it's all of us. It's nice to have a last bastion where I was like, have you guys heard this bit? I just did the bit.

Everyone's calling and not one person was like, oh, you better, it's nice. Yeah. I'm saying at the table, you can still say something. Keith said that we would be right with you. Yeah, Keith, but yeah. Yeah, it's a fucking weird word. You should be able to quote it without it being a big deal, but it is a big deal.

So you gotta do what we're doing, right? But we came up with the word being used. Like I, you know, I would hear people use that word. Stop saying we just say white people. Well, I was no one just white people though. It was Puerto Ricans. It was white people, it was black people. But originally it was white people I think, right?

I don't, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don, right? I don't know. I don't know. I hear it sometimes, not around my family, but around some of the people. I'm very uncomfortable for me to hear it from white people. Oh, the white people, it's very, I don't have black people on my show, so I don't know. No, no, no. Yeah. You should, if you wanted to really go somewhere.

But I think white people started it, right? I don't know. Let's find the history of the art. I would assume that a new Netflix show. Max, you know what? I don't know. I don't know. Maybe it was, it was, it wasn't.

There were. We go right now. And ready to read it. No. No fucking way. The word is, let's, let's come up with the word peaches. It was an ethics, so typically directed at black people. The word originate 18th century as an adaptation of the Spanish Negro and describes the Latin

objective peaches, which means black. It was used, directly. And by the mid 20th century, particularly in the United States, is used by non-African Americans, became ambiguous, pejorative, a racist insult. Accordingly, it began to disappear from general popular culture.

However, remains in use, and is in its various forms used, increasingly frequently, 2010s by the African American almost themselves amongst them or in self expression, being the most popular common swear word in its various forms in hip hop music. So hip hop actually kept it alive. This is not the 2010s.

I mean, like, Biggie was saying it in the 90s. Well, that's pretty funny though, that it was, it was, I mean, not too many white people say that word anymore. I mean, Max is never going to say it. He's never going to know it really except, but the only way he hears it is in hip hop music. That's the only place he hears the word in the music. Right. And if he were to repeat it, forget about it.

I mean, do you imagine he goes to school and I think that we're not running into a lot of people that use it. But I think there is a lot of them. I do too. Well, not here, but yeah, in America, absolutely. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Especially now, since it's so divided, I mean, people are just so, you know, I think people probably say it now than they, more than they did five years ago. Don't you?

Yes. Well, people are also just using other words. Like Kike. Well, is anyone saying that? Words that mean that's that word. That's hard for them. Yeah. They use other words for black.

I mean, that's what they're doing now. So like what? I'm not going to say that. I'm of a career yet. But yeah. That's when you can say it. Yeah, exactly. You you can say it. Yeah, exactly. We can say it.

Well, like, Greek, they just say, Maverick, it's like like that. They'll just see that instead. So. Right. Yeah, that's weird. It's weird though, because my kids are not going to say it.

Your kids aren't going to say it. You're not having kids. I'm not going to say it. I'm going to get your kid to say it. What do you mean? The home aside, you're going to think I'm giving like a pep talk, and they's going to come over and say it. And we're like, you should have told him to say it so What do you mean? I'm going to pull him aside. You're going to think I'm giving like a pep talk and then he's going to come over and say it. And we're like, you should have told him to say it so that the girls played with him.

You're going to do it. You fucking nick-and-poups. Whoa. Whoa. Don't put me in the closet, you nick-holes. Oh, you guys are getting close. Yeah, we can say it. You're getting close.

Give me 20 bucks. Well, she said it. I don't just said, you're getting close. Give me 20 bucks. She said it. No, I don't know where death is around you and I have both probably said it 30 times in the history of this podcast. Well, we've already told it. Yes. Oh, it look 20 Lewis. Yes. Telling Lewis to stop saying, that's how Lewis has hiding me. That's his bro. Well, I see the ER too. He's not even saying the word we're talking about. They'll really nail it. What are we can feel like they can say the word. Why? I don't know. I'm not Puerto Ricans. I feel like they can't. I don't know why either.

Why they I don't think I can. Honestly, I got called a fiesta and word one time. I still don't think it's okay to say that's really funny. It was in just I would actually see a piñata one. That'd be a funnier if I was going to call you. I'd hit you with a poll if you won. We stopped saying polls to the boss. I mean, we're going to be a country that doesn't, we're going to be someday where we don't say any offensive shit to anybody. Well, we're not.

What do you mean? Because we're comics, but I'm saying, well, yeah, I don't know what's going to happen. I have to tell you, I am at this point, I am lost. I don't know what if it's people are going to go, which way? Like start saying more or saying less. I don't know. I think we have to start saying more. I mean, you have to, I go up on stage and I have to snap them out of it.

No, we do, but I'm saying like the normal person, what are you things going to happen in society? I don't mean us. We'll just be, you know, take risks and be free. But what's going to happen? I don't know. It's going to be free speech, which I feel like they're free speech, but they're saying don't say what you want. Free speech, but don't say this. I know. It's like like, but playing people are and being fine. See, I think this is a, it's a bit of a misnomer of that's the right word. We talk about this a lot. But we're all our show, uh, Legion of Skanks, uh, Ari, Rogan, all these guys are huge right now. And they're saying whatever they want. They sound crazy stuff. So it's actually, it's actually a great time for comedy. You can lose your shit,

but for the most part, comics, there's a lot of trouble for shit there's a lot of comics that aren't saying shit, though, right. But you've got a very blue right through it. He did not get in any trouble at all. He's fine. But of course, he's not going to get in because of course, he's not, but there's certain people that will. But what are some comics? Most of the comics have gotten fucked over me too, obviously, most of them rightly so. But saying things, who's a comic that's really been destroyed for saying something? God free lost aflac, but is he really, Kram, he's still working. For saying something? Yeah, I don't know.

That's what I mean. We talk about this a lot, but like what are you doing stuff? But you get a lot of shit. Of course, you get a lot of shit. You get a lot of shit, but like that's part of free, that's part of being a thing. You get a lot of shit. Of course, you get a lot of shit. You get a lot of shit, but like that's part of free speed. That's part of being a thing. You get a lot of shit. And I feel like some people get, you're going to be surprised.

I'm saying this, but I feel like some people get more shit than others, like, meaning white men right now. Comics. Oh, yeah. Like I can get away with saying, I'm just being real. I don't care if anyone is the truth. I can get away with saying stuff like something whereas if you either one of you said it, it would be a major problem. But we've said outrageous stuff on the show and a lot of taboo, not really anymore. No, but I mean, everybody's gun shy on this

show now. Not on Legion of Skanks. They don't give a fuck. Say whatever the fuck you want over there. I just think there's not a lot of real stories where comedians have been really fucked over for jokes. They've made something on that. It's like, I have to look at my life now to where I was 10 years ago. I was a different person too. So you can't hold me accountable. Like, I had to stop holding myself like I was feeling guilty because I'm not being outrageous or I'm not being fucked up or I'm not doing, you know, saying fun. I'm like, well, I'm not that guy right now. Yeah. I was that guy when I was single or hanging out and I didn't have kids and I didn't, I was just who gives a fuck. Yeah. You're old and boring. It's. Look at.

Stir this. Look at how it's turned. Yeah. No, you're right. You're absolutely right. It's, it's some type I get nervous when we're like, I guess I am a fucking old little fuck where it's like I don't believe in that anymore that doesn't really I don't want to see that shit anymore people change. Yeah, yeah Yeah, also Apple.com they changed who changed him. We already promote them not today. Yeah, right did I said laughable.com go get their app on both platforms. Okay. What do you want to speech?

Instant pull it up. Oh, okay. Well, that's him. Yeah, I did it. I feel like people can get in trouble for tweets though. Yeah, tweets are tougher because there's no context in some written statement. Exactly. But part of that, and we talked about this before, part of that because that's so many comics

now are tweeting so many like, we got a like serious statements and then they tweet jokes so they kind of become conflated. Then when you take a joke, you go, oh, that one's not serious. I read that about today. I was, that's when I brought up today when, uh, who was it, um, Bonnie, uh, somebody, uh, one another girl comic and Clyde. And, uh, what's her name? Liza, Liza. Slesinger? Liza. Liza Trigger.

Liza Trigger. They were like, I went, I went to block, unfollow all the comedians who followed OJ today. And then I realized how many they're really falling. I have to unfollow all my comedian friends because they were all falling. But I don't think someone doesn't mean that you support them. Yeah, people were upset that people followed OJ. But it's like, it's like, it's like that. And then it was like, yeah, me too.

And then I was like, this thread of, I was like, I was like, you know, I'm not that I was looking at it on the screen. Yeah, fuck, I was exactly. But then Nikki, what did Nikki say? Well, now I follow 70 who are following him so upsetting. Just counting a course of eight of those 70s or women, right? And it's like, now I have to look. It's like, what the fuck?

Who gives a fuck? That's a funny tweet. What does it say? Do you guys follow that? I don't know. I get upset about things, but not stuff like that. I can't worry about who's following who. I can barely get out of bed.

Yes. That's what I'm not kidding. I can barely function. I have to work so hard every day to just be okay. I cannot look at who's following. Oh, I mean that for real. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, if I spend all my time looking at who's following me, who's not following me, who's following this, I've been, I, being a home. I'm fucking done with, and, and, and you know what, I'm done with it. You're absolutely right. I fucking hated, and I hate, oh, this, this is how you have to make it. I hate that fucking talk too. You're going to do this now. Go fuck yourself. Do what? Whatever, every, the next guy who just made it, I gotta, I gotta get on Snapchat again, because whatever the fuck it is. No, it's however you do it your way, it's not,

there is not, there's no one way. Everybody has a fuck it. Everybody has a speech they wanna give you on how to do it and it's annoying. It's like, it's, maybe I don't make it. Maybe this is as far as it is. You made it, huh? You did make it. I would say you didn't make it, because it is as far as it is. You made it. Huh?

You did make it. I would say you didn't make it. Exactly. What is making it mean? You've really made it. Like compared, you've made it compared to... Yeah. If you're not making it, what the fuck is Mike doing?

No. Look, I'm fine, but there's certain things I want to do, but you just have to find your own way to get there. You can't... I know. It's almost like you have to have blinders on because people are going to say no to you. People are going to say that's not a good idea of this stinks or that. And you got to do it this way.

I got to, this is the way it's supposed to be done for no reason. And it's like meaning like it's there. Like whatever you, if you really, I really believe if you really want something and you're, you know, it's a good idea and you're passionate about it, you can make it happen somehow. I believe you're right. I really do. I really do. Take your passion.

Make it happen. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do You have to know. Oh, that one was. I try not to look at what other people are doing as much as I can. When we moved to New York, we went from age 50, a thousand red. And then I told Don I'm leaving. You coming? She's like, yeah, and this one we were dating. A thousand dollars, did you leave? A thousand dollars in California.

And we drove here and I was like, I'm moving in that building right there. It was a door mail building, $2,200 a month. She goes, we can't do it, I go, we'll do it. Don't worry about it. If I have to get five jobs and you get five jobs, we can do it. Who gives a fuck? That's 10 jobs.

That's 10 jobs. And we did it. I put my shit in the storage unit across the street from the place. I go, because that's where a fucking moving. And I went in, we applied for it, we got in, and we, it was no problem. You made it happen. And then I made it happen.

I think you're right. You make shit happen. You make it happen. You got to stop saying it. I'm going to keep saying. You have to now. You can't wait not you, but I'm saying we can't wait for anyone to come to us and it's just not realistic. Yeah. Everybody has to excuse why you're not going to make it. Of course. And then when you're making it, everybody is like, wow, fucking. And I don't even know what that means. I'm being honest, like someone said, because I can now I'm afraid to say,

because you're going to sing it. What? Make it happen. In a world. Thank you. Before I say it. Okay. No, wait.

What is like, I think for all of us, that's different. I don't know because making it for me is to be able to fill a theater and do stand up. Right. And it used to be to star in Saturday Night Live or to do this or do that. It's changed over the years. And I don't even know if I want to be enormous, constantly like where everywhere you go, every single person knows you. I mean, I don't, I used to want that though.

So I think we have to figure out what making it is for each of us. I think it's, it's time to, it's a certain time. Right. Right now, I wanted to focus in like this tour, we're doing crucial kids. I've wanted this to happen for two years. I started, you know, you've been on it. I want, I wanted this to go down, right? And now it's finally here. And it's finally getting pushed up the hill. And it's great. I'm excited about it. It's going to be fun. But one of the things that's great, I don't have to be on the road by myself this year. So a lot of the time I'm going to be with people I love or like a lot and have fun and not have to wear and have this anxiety about the gigs.

We're just gonna roll in, do a show, have fun, go get some food, treat the shit. The other thing was taking care of myself physically, which I'm like, if I make fuck it, oh, I gotta get on TV, I gotta do this, I gotta become more popular, I gotta get this, and I gotta make, I'm fucked. I know.

But if I can pick one or two things to focus in on, then I'm done. So trying to get healthy, trying to get my shit together physically and this tour, that's all I'm fucking worried about. That's it. And everything else, the podcast just goes, the gigs that I have just go. That's interesting because I feel like a lot of people don't narrow it down to a couple of things. That's interesting because I feel like a lot of people don't narrow it down to a couple of things. And when you just want like you try to do 10 different things, for me, I get nothing done. But if I can focus in on a couple of things that I really commit to, they end up being pretty successful. If you look at the food thing or the way thing, that is rooted in a lot of other things. That's television, that's feeling good about myself.

That's, you know, I feel good about myself. I'm more creative all the stuff. I get out of bed and go all day, I can step, all that stuff. So that one thing actually is rooted in a lot of other shit. So yes, it's one thing, but it also helps all this other stuff. I went and started talking about the stomach surgery. I actually might get it. Yeah. I did. I'm not open about. I did it five years ago, and I've kept the weight off and lost more, which is, you got to say,

I'm very proud of myself. Yeah. Because I was like, if I'm going to do this, I am, if I fucking gain this way back, I'm going to tell myself, well, which one did you get? I got what Lisa Lampinelli did. I saw how much weight she lost, and she's like, you should really go to talk to my doctor, the sleeve, I would not have done the bypass. That's too extreme. I just, my stomach made smaller.

Right. But it's five years later, I could have, after a year you can gain it, because you would start being able to eat more and more and more. So I just cut out sugar and flour. I don't eat it at all. I don't eat carbs a lot. And that's how I've kept it off and lost more. I'm going to actually get this three of them. I'm going to, did we talk about this last week? Yeah. Yeah. What are the three?

Oh, I wonder the one you got when they make the stomach smaller, they have the bypass where they bypass your stomach completely and make it a size of an agar, some shit. And then I have the other one streamed because they reattached stuff and it's much more. Yeah. I'm going to gastric bypass. I'm talking to that doctor where they actually they cut your half of your stomach off. Wow. That's the one you're not doing.

I would love you to go talk to my doctor. I'm not doing the sleep. Why? I'm three of them. You're not doing gastric bypasses. You're not doing sleep. You're doing the other one. What's the other one? The one had don't talk to me with that fucking attitude. What's the other one? I'm so curious. Did you hear the tone? Did you hear tone from my? I'm sorry. That was a tone of confidence. I'm sorry. Yeah, don't have that. I see what I say. If I don't have confidence, you don't. Okay. Gabby, what's what are you doing? What? What's that? What is that? What is that called? What is that called? What is that called? Dua Dua Switch. That's the Bilo-Pancreatic

Diversion of Dual-Denal Switch. That's no. I really think you should do the sleeve. We've talked about this. Well, the reason why it's very simple. I'll tell you why, because if the sleeve, the percentage of people that gain weight back are very high. A lot of people I know have not gained the weight back. But this other thing, because they cut half your stomach out, the percentage is the cells inside of that stomach. Because the sleeve is cutting half your stomach.

I mean, that's what I had done. And it's laparoscopic. They didn't I. Yeah, yeah, this is the one. I think that's what you're talking about. Yeah, I just call my doctor right now. This is the one we talked about last week. Yeah, with your hormone doctor sleeve,

Dr. sleeve. I can't see some doctor sleeve. Yeah, I just want to see my dick again. I'll look at it for you. Me too. Yeah, I just want to see my dick again. I'll look at it for you. Me too. Yeah. Do you want to come in my face? No.

I'm not that weird. I want to see. I would pay to see that. To see you. To get sick. Put it on the Patreon. Yeah, put it on Patreon. 100 dollar members.

We'll do it in the shed. Yeah. And accounts. Live from the shed. Live from the shed. I come on Joe's face. guest star and Jessica Kirschend. Yeah, I'll call the whole thing like a referee. I think it's the sleeve you're talking about, which is what I had, what Lisa and a lot of people. And it's just much more simple.

The bypass is much more complicated. Here's a problem. I saw this girl on Facebook. She just, she lost all the weight and she had all that skin and she went for the surgery and she was like literally fucking in this suit with drains. I know, my, yeah. I was like, I don't have to have this, I never had skin surgery. Yeah.

You don't have to have your skin right now. That's what I'm worried about that. I'm gonna have to have this guy never had skin surgery. Yeah. You don't have to have your skin. That's what I'm worried about that. I'm going to have like this fucking this. I'm a little bit of melted candle. That's not all right. You know, what people do, they work out, which I don't do, which is ridiculous. Right. Because if I did, I'd feel and look a lot better.

But, you know, if you work out, especially men, forget it. You can get your body. I said I'm working on how to train it But here's a problem with the fuck I gotta talk to the sky about this is that he fucking kills me so bad I can't walk for three days. Therefore I don't work out He did something with my hips and I was walking like I had a shit in my pants for two days I fucked it and it's a he's held him held him real real tight. He fucked me He fucked me and I couldn't walk for three days. I don't think that's working out.

Well, he, he, he puts me out. First of all, I get a little embarrassed because he puts me on the massage bed. It's so embarrassing. The middle of this, just this fat person bed in the middle of the gym. And he's fucking pushing my fat legs and stretching me out.

I'm over to that. And then he's fucking doing this thing on my button. And then he had me like, I think that G, male G spot. Yeah, he gave me the rosebud. He'd lift my fucking thighs up and, and I couldn't walk, my hips were fucked up because he had me lift my legs sideways 25 times

and then out, it was a fucking nightmare. And then I can't work out. And by the time I can work out again, then I had plastic, what is it? Plastic surgery. Plastic surgery. I had plastic surgery. I had plastic, I got it from fucking the stupid nighties I wear.

What is that? I've had it for years. The planner fascia is a muscle that goes from your toe to your heel and it gets fucking torn up. That's horrible. That's painful. But I'm finally getting a hold of it. Do you know you to do?

And I've had it for years and everyone tried to tell me bullshit and never helped. And then the running store guy, you got to do 10 of these a day or a couple of these a day quite a few. Just a little piece thing. Rub your balls on the mic. Yeah, you can. You got to rub your balls on the mic. But you got to do toe lifts or whatever, catch it.

And you do like 20 of them a day because it works the muscle. And I got one of those red spiky balls. And you got to do toe lifts or whatever, and you do like 20 of a minute because it works the muscle and I got one of those red spiky balls and you got to do it first thing in the morning because what happens is your foot, it's recovered when you're sleeping, it's recovering. Everything gets torn up and broken apart and then it starts mending back together to the eight hours you're sleeping whenever. When you wake up, you got to warm it up before you start walking. Otherwise, you're just going to keep fucking it up again. So first, before you get out of bed, you got to work those balls, it costs $6. I actually just, like, my, my trainer told me to put an eye loans on and then fuck yourself

with a dildo with an eye loans and it curls your toes back. It does the same thing. So it's the same type of thing. That's a big thing. Ha, ha, ha. I had it for years and I'm finally getting a hold of it. I also got customized in. So not the CVS horse shit. You got to go to the runner store on 77th and Broadway. Well, I got to use someone's name. I'm not going to let you in as is. That is so funny.

I got Michael Phelps. But they measure your thing. You get to customize inserts. You rub your feet every morning and you do those toe lifts and you're going to be back in business. You also should get I rub your surgery. I'll talk to you about it's amazing. It changed my whole life. I lost 100 pounds and kept it off.

I mean, I was a house. I was. I forgot to talk about this earlier. I mean, I did the, and then I got to go, but I used to come down to do bringers shows, like stand up New York. I would bring four people and I would drive for high school. It was so long ago that I still had high school friends. And that way when you have friends. Yeah, yeah.

But I drove down one time and I was doing it. And I would come down and kill because it was a bringer show. And I was pretty one time and I was doing it. And I would come down and kill because it was a bring a show. And I was pretty good because I was working in Boston. And one time I came and you must have had to go somewhere and you went on in the middle of the show. And I was all cocky on the way down. I was like, I come down and I kill. And you went up and fucking just destroyed. It was like, stand up. You're like, this would be like, oh, two maybe and just like murdered. And I was like, I was three years in. Is that right?

Yeah, it was not in the 90s. But you were a killer already because I was like, who is this fucking asshole? And then I went on, maybe you were, I mean, I didn't realize you were, I thought you were like a 20 year veteran. No, that's very sweet. Thank you. But you murdered and I went up and just ate it and had to drive back. And I was like, I hate that way.

Oh, sorry. That's all right. Yeah, you buried me. Oh, sorry. That's all right. Yeah, you buried me. No, it's fine. It's so sorry. It doesn't get killed. Jessica does something different to the crowd. You do, there's a different thing because you're doing five different styles of stand-up

comedy. That's what Bill Burris said. But I, I was talking to Burris Bob. I was talking to Burris Bob. I was talking to Burris Bob. And I was like, she's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there, like I, I do a few or a couple, but you're doing like five different things. All of a sudden, you're doing it. And then I just talking to yourself. And you're not even

acknowledging the crowd. And it brings them some around. It's like, it's, it's improv. It's, it's spontaneous. It's jokes. it's energy, it's very calm. Yeah, it is calm sometimes. Yeah, so the level of it and it's fast, there's no breaking it. You're not sitting there going, you're not leaning on anything. You know what's interesting? A lot of times would take it down for the person following me. This is what happened when I was here for years, people will go, and then I was like, what the fuck am I doing? I have kids. I'm trying to make money.

I, I am not famous. Like I need to do what I do and not worry about the next person. Yeah. No. But a couple of weeks ago, I did the underground and someone was following me and I got off and he's like, uh, leave some meat for the rest of us. And I looked at him. I go find more meat. This was someone who makes millions. Oh wow. Jenner stands, so it's like, if, like, I'm not there yet. So I need to just do what I do and be creative. But I really did, I would take it down a lot.

Did you ever do that? She, I never fucking took it down. I did, and I still do once in a while. No, I know. But first of all, I had to go up and I never, I never got that spot. I always get the spot. I always get the close spot.

Always, every fucking show and every is like, it's an honor. Go fuck your mother. I know. And I look at what you do, Joe, like I look at people who write like the way they, I'm so jealous. I am so, because I'm not, I don't sit and like, right, you know, I wish I did, but I write most of it on stage. Yeah, me too.

Yeah, I don't, I mean, I, I, I very really do. I get, I love when I get that fucking just before the closure spot. It's like, I'm like, like everything's off my body because I, but anytime every, I want Friday and Saturday night, I'm fucking closing every fucking show. I look at the as soon as I get my nails, I see it. I know the times, but you're going up last and it's always it's like whatever now, I don't give a fuck now. I don't care what you do because I'm just going to go do my thing. And I'm always going to do great or fucking murder just as hard. But it is it is a settling. It's almost like when you kill like that, you're setting yourself up

to have, because I used to have that nobody wants to follow you. It's cool, but it's also, there's a lot of people to get these prime little spots on the show, because they don't do that. Oh my God. I went up in the middle at the seller last weekend and I have to tell you it was like a dream. It was on the third spot. I had the third spot. Ridiculous. Holy shit.

I think on two shows I had the third or fourth spot. Yeah. It was insane. It's goofy. I've done it where I start laughing because you're killing so hard that you're like, this is hilarious.

It's like silly. It's ridiculous. He's like, he's like, he's like, this is hilarious. It's like silly. It's ridiculous. He's like, this is hilarious. It's crazy. And like, why are these people laughing so hard? But it just, it was, I was set up to do well. It was a spot. That spot is a fuck at the seller on a weekend. That spot. I've actually been like, look, I'm not, I set it on stage. I'm not this funny. You guys are just stupid. Like it just being ridiculous. No, I agree with you about that. Thank you. All right, Joe, you're gonna go.

Joe list everybody. Make sure you go check out his website, Joe list. Yeah, wait until this comes up. Let's go to the four March, real. This is coming out this week. All right, I'll be, I'll be. Are you in March, real? Yes, mainline up there.

What are you doing up there? Mainline, the end of the 25th and the 27th. And I'm doing, are you doing the Bennington thing about anxiety? I am. Yeah, we're doing a panel, four-close Friday about recovery and anxiety. Yeah, recovery up. That's great. We'll be on that.

And if you're listening in London, I'm coming to UK. So I was coming to people. I do. I have a couple of fans in London. Yeah, I sold 40 tickets the first day, which is amazing. But they're going to be disappointed with 40. So please get some more people. So how many seats is it? 30th and 31st. I don't know. It's a cool venue. Very cool. I think it's small. I think it's a hundred seats or something like that. Maybe I don't know.

It's like a club-ish type thing. And then act me one of my favorite clubs ever. August 15th to the 17th. Denver Comedyworks August 8th through 10th. And sides footers, August 1st. Yeah, I know there's a lot of dudes down there. August 1st to the 3rd. Yeah, I do very well. The Tampa Bay. Yeah, I love the two.

And I'll be on the Caltas show, of course. I always the best. I love them. My second best friend. Calls my first. Yeah, it makes sense. That's a great photo from the other night of you too. I saw it.

I don't know where I saw it on your Twitter. Yeah, Joe Russell took that. Oh, I love Joe Russell. He's great. That's what Joe Russell is. Yeah, it's a great photo though. Yeah, make sure you go check out Joe. He's one of the funniest in the business right now.

Just swing by the fat black. I'm sure the three up right now. And I can't have a doubt. I can't. I'm upset. Thanks. All right. I don't know. I want to go I'm upset. Thanks. All right. I don't know.

I want to go smoke a guy. Probably not go last. Oh, by the way, if you're wondering at home, I went to the doctor, no more cobblestones. My cobblestones are gone. What is that? What is that? Have we not talked about this on the podcast? Nope.

What is that? I think we have these other podcasts. It's when you have like post-aposite, you get irritated, you get all that. You're broke. It's all bumpy and fucked up from reflux. Oh, yeah. I'm on the mend. Awesome. I quit soda four months ago.

That's great. I stopped hanging out with Dan too. Fuck him. Not bad. Thanks. I Joe list everybody. Thank you. I know.

I have a good time. Thanks for coming up. We're wrapping up anyways. And Jessica, you got a brand new podcast. Yes. So let's go to your dates first, tour dates. There's something on aren't there. I just got booked at Montreal.

So I'm doing July 26th and 27th and maybe the 25th. I'm going to be in Maine next week in a gun quit. I'm headlining what's in a gun quit. Oh, it's such a great place. It's a beach town and I do an amazing cabaret club there. Oh, that's great. Yeah. It sounds fun. I think I'll have a comedy club one of my favorite clubs. Hollywood and there. Oh, that's great. Yeah. That sounds fun. And the Gotham Comedy Club, one of my favorite clubs.

Yep. Hollywood, M-View, what is that? Hollywood having an M-View. Oh, I'm opening for the Joker's in Chicago. Oh, that's great. Yeah. It's Hells-Sale, fuck his sneakers. Gimme fucking trying to keep up with him and his buddies.

I got plant the Fashieitis, trying to fucking with those little thin night keys to impress all these young, fucking assholes. We are the best. I'm back in new. I'm new balance in the nice wide new balance. Yeah. That's the way I rock. You should wear a Merrill. I have those. Merrill is a fucking amazing. We got new bronze wig. Uh, uh, uh, Provincetown. Where the fuck is that? I'm doing that. That's a gay cruise with all gay men. It's amazing. Oh, I love it. For a week, three thousand gay men, I mean, what I'm saying?

That's too much for me for my, you know, Mateo's doing it. And Emma Willem and I know you love me. I love them. I do. If I was on the cruise with him, I'd wind up just fucking glowing them. Oh, there's a sex deck. What's a sex deck? What is that?

There's a deck where guys fool around. Who cleans that up? The staff. Oh, it's like March of the penguins. They all jerk each other off. It's amazing. I went up there. I swear to God, because I was like, I have to watch this. This was years ago. And then my friend, I said to my friend, what do I do? Have someone recognizes me? Because I had already done a show and he goes, just tell them you're a bear. A gay bear.

What are you doing? What happens when the cruise goes on something that's not gay? If just open up a honey bun stand on that deck, so people think it's a honey bun stand. What are those stains on the floor? You know what, it's not as bad as it used to be, but it's incredible. Like, I mean, and the parties are the best DJs,

the best lasers, but you can't even imagine. Lasers? That's so funny. I mean, it's fucking amazing. Yeah, these cruises are like, it's unreal, the parties. And your podcast is called what? Relatively sane. Relatively sane, podcast. Follow up. Let's go.

Come on podcast. You fuck where are you at? I was trying to fund pictures of the kids. Shut up and just follow the podcast. Stop pulling yourself. You have to look at pictures of the company. I will look after this. All right, we got this podcast right now.

Go sign up. Subscribe review iTunes. If that's the way to do it, go just get one of the funniest people. And one of the most realest comics I know. Always have been, always been's the way you do it. But Jessica is one of the funniest people. And one of the most realest comics I know. Always have been, always been a fan of you. You know, I'm a, I mean, I'm not just, I am a huge fan of yours. I've been telling you that for 20 years.

I know. Me, I mean, me, you've been going always back to back. Well, because he's, you're so honest and real and I remember years ago just watching you and going, no other male comics are like this. Like you would talk about your real struggles, your relationships, your, and I was like, this is so refreshing. Right.

Instead of just going up and making fun of everyone else, you were so honest. And I loved it. And I, and, and same to you two and not to jerk each other off. No, I, I am honest on stage. I really am. You really are. You always go upstairs and you'd fucking, I would sit there and go, what the fuck? I love laughing at a comic, but I also love going, what the fuck was that?

Yeah. That, that to me is when a comic is really affecting me. And I'm like, I can't believe, I don't even understand what's happening right now. And you do that all the fucking time. And you've murdered, you murdered that Boston Comics come home last year. It was another year before you were there, right? Murdered fucking that show.

That's those shows you can't even tell, it's thousands, I couldn't even tell how I did. I know that sounds crazy, but I really didn't know. Killed it. I was watching it from off stage. You just fucking murdering it. And what Bill did for me is unbelievable. Bill Burr, it's crazy.

He's won. I mean, I hadn't seen him in, I don't know how many years I did the benefit for Patrice. He was on the show. He saw me months later, I get a call from him. I said, voicemail. I didn't know who it was. And it was him. And he's like, you deserve a special. I want to produce your special. I didn't know who it was. And it was him. And he's like, you deserve

a special. I want to produce your special. I was like, oh my God. If that, and I, I'm so grateful because I gave so many comics hope because I'm older. Yeah. You know, it's on Comedy Central. And it just like if you have good relationships and treat people well and work hard, it does happen. And it was're always never easy for me. Ever. No, it's never easy for me. Well, I know it's not the good ones. I agree. It's it's claw, you have to look up and pick up every fucking rock on the beach. I know.

Because I thought of you many times because we have a similar thing. We have a very similar path. You can kill and kill and kill and kill and be creative in a business person. And it's still so easy for some people. But there's a reason for it. Yeah. But it has not been easy for some people, but there's a reason for it, but it has not been easy for you either. Yeah, it's a similar path, but we are on a good trajectory. Yeah.

And Bill is one of the good ones. I mean, he's probably one of the funniest guy. He's probably the funniest guy on the planet. I think so. I've watched him and I talk about being shocked. I've been like, what the fuck did he just say? And I can't even, he's so fearless, it's unbelievable. He really is.

And I'm glad that me and him are kind of connected again, him being back in the city. Yeah. We've hung out a lot. Love you. Yeah. We had Verzi's barbecue and we just kind of went around the corner and found a spot to smoke a cigar

because we're two old fucks and we just sat there and just smoked two bats talking about fucking back in the day and comedy. We were talking about you, how funny you are and fucking you used to fucking beast on stage and yeah, I'm glad he's and I'm so glad he's he loves comedy too too. Which is just, well, he's, his company is supporting a lot of comics that should have careers. So I mean, the one of the, I don't go, oh, I should end on late night. The one thing I was always like, why the, I mean, I didn't have a special. I was like, this is ridiculous. Like, that's the one thing I was like, this is not fair.

That is not fair. That there's people doing it six years and they have the Netflix or two specials coming out. And so when he called me, it just it changed my life. I mean, it was the power you can have. And you're like the same way. And I'm like, that do I will always help people that I think are talented and work hard. Always. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And a lot of people don't do that. No. And it's weird too. It's like, when I was trying to get my special and it's like, finally, Jim was just like, let's just do it.

I was like, can we, I could not fucking go through the music. All right, let's do it. And we did it. And it was great. And it, and it, it came out exactly what I wanted it to be. And people liked it. And then the people that said, no, wanted it. And that's great too.

You know, and now whatever, I'm gonna, I don't give a fuck, I'll shoot my own special. I'll do my own thing now. Who gives a fuck? A lot of people do now. It's like, it's like, you can finally do your own shit. You don't have to wait for people to, well, that is what's happening.

Yeah, it's a comic, a comic industry. Cutting the, it's like cutting out the industry now because the industry got bless you. You have to do whatever you have to do and find whatever demographic you're trying to hit. I get it. That's fine. But it's like, Burr was like, fuck demographics. She's funny. She deserves a special. Great. You can do it like shits just made his own special. Fuck it. Oh my god. Look at what he's doing. I mean, these people that are taking on themselves. And he hooked up, you honest, made his special. Like, fuck it, let's just do it. If it's funny, people will watch it on any platform who gives a fuck.

And if you, like you said, even if it's not at the marketing is the key, the social media, all of that. But if I watched you, if I start clippin' you and I didn't know you, I'd lose my fucking mind. That's very, very sweet. Where the fuck is this lunatic bend my whole life? It depends on the clip. I watched you, if I start clippin' you and I didn't know you, I'd lose my fucking mind. I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really,

really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, Well, kids are shit. Anyway, it's very sweet. And you were very funny that night, that weekend, you were. I hopefully comes back. You were. Yeah. Yeah. I thought you said the same thing to me. No, I met you before I started working with people. Oh, you did.

Remember I was just hanging out and you were like, who's this weird guy? Yeah, he was just hanging out. I electrocuted him at the mall. And then I had the guy do a sketch of us. What are those guys called? The character. I had a character dress. I want you to see that. He took me to the mall and the Alamo. Did you take me to the Alamo? It was a river center mall by the Alamo. Yeah, by the Alamo. And there was a fucking massage guy that they put electrodes on you. And I put two of them on him.

And I go, how? How high does this go? He goes 10. And I just put them up to 10. I hit the button. him and I go, how, how high does this go? He goes 10 and I just put him up to 10. I hit the button. He was one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. I'm like, you're all right? He goes, you know, no, I can feel it. I couldn't stop. And the guy was like, okay, buddy, okay. I was like, yeah, I'll keep pressing. Of course. And then I, and he's going to let you because he wants to work with, Did you still, do you have the character to yourself? Yeah, that's still there. You got to bring that in. We got a frame.

I got you. All right, Gabby, what do you got besides fucking cool parents? I got nothing. I was gonna say all kinds of fucked up shit, but I know. I know. My mind went to crazy. Yeah, I was gonna say huge vagina, small little titties. Yeah, they it's guy face guy face. Yeah, all right. Because your hair is you look like you look

like Jim Florentine if he was younger. That's true. I can't believe it. Why would you say that? I have a podcast called Una Mash podcast that's everywhere out now and I have a monthly show at the way station in Brooklyn first Wednesday of every month. Go check her out. She's very funny, very talented. And what do you got there, Mike 2.0? I also have a podcast called A Little Time. You can listen to it everywhere. I have a video.

Also, I can podcast. Yeah. And she's the one to put them under the same thing and just go go check out a podcast. Yeah. It should just all be called podcasts. Yeah, just podcasts. Hi, podcast. What's your podcast?

Okay, what do you, what's your call the little time? A little time. What's it about? It's just me and my best friend talking to people. It's like this, but worse. But worse is amazing. Those are greatest worst. It's not just me, it's me.

Uh, Cheney, what do you got besides a shitty laugh and a fucking fine disposition? What does disposition mean? Shut up. Okay, I really don't know what that is. I have a sneaker podcast. You should do that. Thank you. We'll discuss Bobby's new selection coming up and then you're doing fucking new balance.

I'm doing my pull my leg up. Pull it up. Those are very good sneakers. You like those? Those are good. Yeah, I'm really. You bad ones are great. My wife hates them.

I screenshot some that will be acceptable in the circles and you still go, how fuck you because they're comfortable. Well, there you go, Fashionista. Yeah, but I was spending $300 on a pair of sneakers. These are like fashion. These are like 60 to 80. 60 to 80? Yeah.

You sent them to me? Yeah, I will. I sent them to me. Yeah, I will. I sent them to me. Yeah. Sneaker podcast. I'm also a designer. You can hire me to make whatever you want. He's really good, Jess.

I mean, one of the, I mean, very unbelievable designer. Thank you so much. Awesome. Not that chini.com. Oh my God. Please go to my website. If you're a member, if you love this podcast, look, we've been doing this for 10 years for nothing. That means zero. Not, fucking no money, okay?

And you can always get it for no money. Always be free on Sunday. But if you want to support us, you want to support me and all the other stuff I do. The one on once, the live from the shed, the sketches I've written and put up there and filmed. And I'm planning to do more shit. I'm kind of regrouping

in the summertime to shoot at the end. So you Patreon will be getting more stuff. Please go to my patreon.com.com. That's Robert Kelly. And support me there. It's a cup of coffee a month. Okay. Judd Apatow supports me. So you can. If you're a fan of this podcast, go there, become a member. And you get the podcast free audio and video always that Thursday by Thursday, Mike and Zach make it happen. You get it before everybody else, audio and video version, okay? You have any complaints or anything you want to know? Please email me on there. And what else we got, Mike? Well, you want Instagram at Robert Kelly lives. Yeah, I only go to Instagram. You want to be my friend go to Instagram.

If you're a dickhead, I'm blocking you. If you say you're not a, you're not funny, because you block people and go suck a dick. I don't need, I'm 48. I don't need to be bullied in my late 40s. Why fucking dickheads from wherever you are. Then we do your dates already? Do my dates everywhere. I'm everywhere in New York. Fat Black pussycat, love saying that.

Club soda, Montreal, creeps for kids tour, kicks off in Canada. We got the laughing scout, Lanna, one of my favorite clubs. Fat Black pussycat again, the slipper room. I'm doing that with fucking. Might can in there and put it then fat black and now I'm at size splitters. Scott for big use the fucking head shot. You just spoke that guy.

Oh shit. Sorry, buddy. That's a guy in the other room. Sorry. I so there go. We're gonna get out of here. Let this guy sleep. That's a guy in the other room.

Mike, I know. I don't forget you. The other stuff. I didn't know what other stuff follow us at. Why can't it be you dude podcast follow Gabby at Gabby is Brian and follow Mike at Mike. These are I like this little cute thing. You guys are whipping back and forth. We used to do it announced back. Are you guys friends again? I think so. Oh, shit. I mean, we're not enemies. I know that. I'm more of a well-wisher. All right, to Mike, what do you got besides the

hairiest arms I've ever seen? Oh, cool. I won't even award in high school. Anyway, did you? Yeah. It's a relative. Okay, come on. Sorry. I'll be with... I love out loud, I'm saying I'm Tony, but you know how to pop us next weekend. I'll be if you're only doing live uncle Vinnie is next tomorrow and Thursday with Mike.

Oh, there you go. So they got you in over there, huh? Yeah. Awesome. Zach, Zach, and you get you guys are the best fans of the world. Thanks for being a part of this. You know what, dude? Every week.

Jess, you're the best. Thanks for having me on. Good luck with your podcast. Thank you for having me on the show. You know what, dude? You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now, go back to your shitty jobs. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free.

And they're all free. Shining. Shining. Shining. Shining. Shining. Shining. Shining.

Shining. Shining. Shining. Shining. Shining. Shining. Shining. Shining.

You