Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Pickling

Episode Date: December 3, 2018

After the passing of his stepfather, Robert is back in studio to share the legacy of the man who taught him how to be one. We’re dealing with loss with laughter with guests Liz Furiati, Stavros Halkias, and Noam Dworman! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network. Riotcast.com Okay, um, yeah. We're back. I'm back. I haven't been here in two weeks. Two weeks haven't been here, and it almost was three weeks, but I, uh, I was so annoying to do that. I, um, yeah. That dude, I don't know. I just couldn't stay home. I was

getting to the point where I was going to quit. I was done with this business. You know what I mean? I don't, um, it's, it's, it's, uh, you know, I think. It's a surprise. The whole building still doesn't have this to do. I don't know. Soon. I'm getting health insurance on Monday. First of all, first of all, listen to me. First of all, yes, I looked into it. Uh huh. Two things.

Star Rose, how do you get to be here, Bobby? I haven't seen you in a while, but I know. I actually would therapy last. I know. I was coming out. So I had everything gone. I was good. I was in a great place., so I had everything gone. I was good. I was in a great place. You were going in.

You're still very tense. Yeah, I was very tense. And I saw a bubble look coming out. I mean, I love him. And he hasn't called me. The fuck, Starter? I've texted. I've said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, very, it wasn't, hey, where you been, love you buddy. Want me to read it? You please.

There are conversation starters. It's gonna be good. You know Bobby, what the fuck is going on? You take up the phone. He's a telephone talker. You're right, Liz. I hate talking on the phone and I talk to Bobby all the time.

I'm a maker. He does. I'm old school. I like to be talked to. He likes chat. I don't like to write. We all know my writing is bad and atrocious. And it's a weakness.

But your love of technology bounced off. Okay, he commented on a photo. Come on, dude. He said, you look cute. Yeah, thank you. That's nice. How many comments did you have? How about I miss you?

I haven't seen you. We don't talk. You've been to my house. My kid talks about you. And we're in StarVero, man. I'm just any fat little thing he sees. I can't really, I'm just having to watch the fucking minions. He's fucking aware of StarVero's.

Where is my StarVero's? I apologize. I have cookies for you, Max. Don, they're not going to make him home. I'm kind of. We're kind of. Yeah. They're a mellum. I don't know my mother. Venetia Halke says specialty. Where are they? They're in a story. Where did they come on? I'm sorry. Me. Well, Colin Quinn has approached me about you, too. He's going. He said. He said people aren't. I said, well, he's now he's incorporating it into his, his

fan art, like people are making, like this is him now. He's he's branding the two. Because we all know that Stavvy baby won and two. He's a big brander. Sure. He's found his sufi. Mm-hmm. Nice.

He's toothless. And it's a tooth and people all over the country, the world, I may say, are smashing the front tooth out. That's right. And you're listening right now. Pull out your front right tooth. Show me your real fan. He actually sells black wax at the end of the day.

So if you're a fan of Star Rose and you're going to a show, if you don't get black wax and pull over your tooth, your front right tooth and show up at the show, everybody should do that. Stay home if you're not black and you're front tooth. This is gonna be useless to you because when your jar is wired shut, I'll be able to drink through the hole.

Yeah, well, it's gonna be wired shut. Nobody's gonna notice you dumb tooth. He's gonna knock you the fuck out of, is what he said. All right. Yeah, he's, I like. He's on it. He's done with your dumb tooth. I am gonna make it my mission to do a Holland and a Run together.

Four grand, that's all class. Really? Oh, you can fuck me. What the fuck? Come on. That's it. Four grand. grand a really not what about a gold one shut Come on I hope you do gonna go one that's what that's what they kill you for when you do Hipster shit town you look hey guys I came to the hood to do a show at a bar called the horse and pony and they ripped

that fucking right out of your mouth. Yeah, body. Listen, it's around, yeah, there you go. $55. $1555 you can have this all. I'll have a cap. I will. I am tired of looking like a jackal lantern.

That is true. It's tough to have a round. I would say jackass. Jackass lantern. Yeah. How long has this been? Unembarrassingly long time. Give me an actual number. I will say not quite, but yeah, February of this year.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, he was here. There's no more excuses. Listen, yeah, but here's a thing with his culture and his fan base. Yes, thank you. Most of his fans are just getting their second teeth in any way. So I was twitch little twigs. They're all just, I look like me now.

Most of them. I think it was planned. It was. I had a perfectly healthy teeth. Yeah, I think he took it out. He just really chipped away. I think I think my major genius was like what you should do and I did the analytic Yeah, our metrics show this is a big toothless market. They're looking for a hero. They're

looking for I'm the Ashley Graham of the toothless community of the body positivity to the community. You go as a tooth fairy this year and how it did not hear it. Wow. What's wrong with you? It's a Halloween costume. Halloween cost and the diets off. Yeah, it's looking bad. I hit a kind of rough patch here, Robert. I'm out of the arms with you. What do you know?

I know. Don't talk to me like I'm not. It's been tough. I'm with you. And the thing that bugs me is Mike's been the same weight for fucking 10 years. Yeah. He's just been the same fat. How do you stay?

Depression. We've been wildly fluctuating though. My whole relationship with Bob. Wildly. The reason I lost a ton of weight and no joke before we even were friends, I listened to I listened to my KWD and you did. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, well, if famously fat person, Robert Kelly, can you do no sugar, no grains?

I don't know if that's, is that, is that one of the? No. You're a Google famously fat person, Robert Kelly. Just real quick to see famous fat comedian. Just famous fat comedian. Two famous fat comedians, let's see if we can find him. Oh, let's see if you come up. Fat comedian, famous fat comedian.

Come on, Mike. Oh, wow, you're off your game, dude. You shook, bro. Jesus Christ, Mike's even shaking his head. Let's see if I'm jumping it. I'm not there yet. Oh, well. The fat show is on there.

He's growing. He's growing. He goes, that's it. I'm not on it. This guy's not even fat. Good images. Go to images. I got it.

That's not. Beth is beautiful, but she loves fat guys. I'm kidding. Throw down. Try just fat comedian. Really? Mike's like, let's get famous out of the movie. That's pretty takeout famous.

This motherfucker. This word is my Watson. He is my Watson. No, no, you're still more awesome. I'm still not even fat. Sorry, man, you can't even make fat comedies. The fat comedies. Scroll down, scroll down, keep going down.

Bert, scroll, scroll. Yeah, Bert's fat. Mm-hmm. Geez, scroll. Ari, you're fear made the list for you. No, he made fun of fat. He made me. Yes, he called out fat.

All right. There you go. That right, good luck. That's awesome. That kind of bombs me out. Yeah. I don't even, I'm not even just, you're not even paying me one. How about famous?

How about, how about just fat? Just look at fat. Oh my God. Why? Why? Why? Why? How about to picture you?

Yeah. What the fuck? Oh Jesus. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. this is not the season to, to, uh, star, just, well, I got you know what happened. You're a cool listen front.

It's your fan base right now. I'm cuter than that. I'm I'm Lewis Gomez. Yes. That's Lewis Gomez with AIDS.

I had something happen to me. It is the season. This is tough. It's tough to lose weight in the winter, but I, you know how it's like summertime and you've put on weight and you're like, oh, I can't even fit into my shorts. I couldn't fit into sweats. I had to free up sweats. My waistband was tough.

I had to go. I was, I thought I could do it. I think it came like Pilates pants. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People like, wow, those are great. Ihi's pants. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, those are great. I've done that. Yeah, it's brutal. And it's a there's a mid because you're short. So there's it's your waist is is really. Oh my God. I think you're not make dimensions for the 50. But you're or you know, it's crazy. Hang on, skinny. Alright, what the fat fucking where's all, Brucey? You're barely not fat.

You're a teeter. I'm really on the face. You're a headless fat. You have fat person face. Your body is shockingly not fat. You don't even have jowls. I know, right? It's all in the face.

You don't have fat man face. You have a fat woman face. That is something you're allergic to. That is true. If you shave, you would look like a fat woman face. That is something you're all around you. That is true. If you shave, you would look like a softball coach. Yeah. Um, yeah, it's, it's, uh, it's hard to, uh, I actually went back to boxing.

I switched around therapy so I could go to boxing on Tuesday. I'm back in a boxing. I figured out the only way to do it is to work out. Yeah. I have to go to the gym, but I have to do something to get fucking, I need somebody going, I'm a goal-oriented guy. I am goal-oriented.

I, I, second time, we're gonna say room two. Yeah, I know, I was just a little more oriented. Oriented. Yes. Oriented? That's what you said. I told you, that's why I don't text. Yeah, or just be. I do comb-front calls. I wrote that, you. I told you that's why don't text. Yeah, I do come from

I wrote that you would have been like look at this neck I just run all my times by my own is that what you think happens? I know Really like that I have a rich life outside He is a very sweet guy. Yes. Well, apparently, come challenge coming to an end. I wouldn't, I wouldn't, Clasphot Nick is a sweet guy.

I, I, he really sent me some very nice texts over the last, sent me a very nice text. You guys have a cute relationship, I will say that. I don't know if I like it. You know why? He's moving in on my father, dude. Well, then maybe pick up the phone and fucking call Liz. And I know my mom was here also. Oh, my love, Liz, in her fucking weird teacher sweater. Fuck you. Do it. It's right. What fucking young way to bought that for you?

You do it. That's right. What fucking young way to bought that for you? Yeah. I got this for you. Never mind. That's a great miss Frissel costume you got going on with. I was chilly. I was teaching this just sucking young.

I'm a fucking hundred percent. Hundred percent. Yep. You should wear skirts. To work? Yeah. Wear a skirt once in a while. Not.

He's got your whole body fucking waxed. Yeah. Okay. But not at work. I'm not going to my vage out at work. I'm not saying, we're under way is slug. I mean, maybe it depends on the day and the week. Let's say go free bush. I'm gonna fucks wrong. I'm saying, you know, in the summertime,

maybe wear a dress once in a while. Stop wearing your little fucking break dance and I'll fit you where I read that. We might kick so long. Oh, God. it's all feet. Yeah, we, yeah, we, uh, the food thing, like, like, I've been actually doing all right. I should just get into it because I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, my father passed away. He's my stepfather, but he's my father.

Yeah. He's been my father over 30 years. I go to my Instagram. He came in and my, that's when he first came in. He's got all the cute young Bobby. Yeah, it's weird. He came into my life around that time. my life around that time, him and my mom at, at, um, grossments, which was like a home depot, but back in the day, they used to have a lump of yards that was small. Mm-hmm. Everything was small. You see, they kept the lumber outside, you know, whatever. And he met my mom.

She was married to, uh, the abusive piece of shit and he was married to I think an abusive woman too Oh, wow and they met and fell in love and they both divorced and they got married and I remember he used to come over the apartment We live in an apartment my mother lived in the she her bedroom was the living room because it was only two bedroom apartment We get afford and so she gave me and my sister our own bedrooms I'm living in a apartment, my mother lived in the, her bedroom was the living room because it was only two bedroom apartment, we could get a Ford. And so she gave me and my sister our own bedrooms and she lived in the living room on the floor or whatever the fuck she did.

Yeah, back in the day, she was very young. And you know, I remember she would, you know, I'd come home and she'd have candles lit and she's in wine and her fucking hippie friends would be, smoke a weed or whatever. Three weird times. Yeah, that's bad. And we were very poor.

We didn't have that much money. I remember we'd have cream of tuna, which is tuna fish with cream of mushroom soup over white rice. Oh, okay. And peas. It was so good. It was so good. It was so good.

It was so good. It was so good. Actually, pretty good. My wife, Don won't make it for me, and I'm very mad. She's like, I'm gonna fucking make it that garbage. It's both it really I actually really good my wife don't make it for me and I'm very mad She she's like Making that garbage. It's true. And I'm like yeah, but it's dude. I'm for some reason. I miss it. Yeah It was so good. You miss your childhood. You don't miss eating white trash slop. No, it's It's weirdly good Stavvy We're peas it put the peas and then the salt pepper on the white rice.

It's a weird thing, but she'll make that all the time. And I remember he came in. One of the members I have of him is, he came over the house one night and this is, this was literally the, now I was alone. I was in a depression in the sixth grade. I would go into the basement every morning. I'd leave my house, take my lunch. I would go out the bed.

I had no friends. I had nobody. I was just abused for five years. I had no male figure in my life. I had nothing. You know, I had five grade uncles, but I think just went around. You know, they were young. They were finding the lives.

Nobody knew anything about what the fuck was going on. Because my mother, you know, I was Catholic, you don't say anything. I remember I was just in this fucked up sad depression. I had nobody and I would go to the basement every morning, go down into the corner. I'd leave my mom going to school and I'd go to round the house into the little door back into the corner of this dusty, dirty basement, I set up a little area, and I would just sleep all day.

And I would go, or just, I could hear my mom upstairs, you know what I said, it's the area, blah, blah, and then she would leave, and then my mom would leave for work, and I would just be there in this basement, by myself all day long. I was just, I didn't know what to do. I would just pull the covers over my head, go back to sleep, and eat my lunch. I did this a lot. I did this one time for almost

two weeks, and I got caught. I got a lot of trouble. I just didn't have anybody, huh? Took two weeks. They caught it. It might have been less than that or it might have been scattered. Sure. You know, where my teacher was like Mr. Depersioersio like I remember I had to go to the father son potluck supper with him Mr. DiPers by teacher. Yeah, it was I had a it was a weird time. Yeah, that's a tough one and Now that the other guy was gone. She didn't replay it was nothing. There was nobody. She was working seven days away I was just fucked up and I wound up pretending I was high There was a party next door, these two girls, Kristen and Kim.

And they were kind of the cool kids, they were bad kids. And I pretended I was high. I was fucked up because I couldn't go as me. I just didn't know how to go. Hi, I was so fucking scared, so petrified and so lonely. I went to this party and I pretended I was all fucked up and I can't tell you how many Instantly the girls came over to me and then Dickey and Scott the two

Dickey school and Scott Kelly they came over to me. What are y'all I instantly had friends? Huh? It was like magic. The girls wanted to know what I was on Kim started. They came in Chris They taught me how to smoke cigarettes that day and they would you know and I was like magic. The girls wanted to know what I was on. Kim started, they came in Chris, they taught me how to smoke cigarettes that day. And they were, you know, and I was like, what the fuck was that? Yeah. Like that was magic. Yeah. I was the hit of the party because I was on some type of drug. Right. And I was just pretending, hey, it fucked up. And they were so excited about that. The next night, I think it was next night. I'm either next Out of the night after Larry came up and this is when he came in and he I was like I'm gonna get out of here. He's like hang out. Come on. I'm like. He's like come here

Just come here for it. He was this old school Italian guy. Love Frank Sinatra, love Westerns, John Wayne, simple black people, old school Italian. No, he liked black people. Back me up a Brucie. Can't do it. Yeah. By the distance. Yeah. No, no, he loved.

He loved, he loved, he was the fucking greatest guy ever. Love do walk that guy. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. The mayor of the table, he goes, he comes, I look at him. I'm that age. That's how that's when I was in the depression at that age.

And can you bring that up full screen? Or you remember that thing we talked about so people can see it? Not you. Zach. This, this right here, this edge. And he, he, he, he's like, dude, come on in, I wanna teach you how to make soup. Chicken soup, we're gonna make chicken soup.

And I was like, what? And he's like, you know, I wanna teach you how to make chicken soup. I, you know, hand me that, he would just get you to do shit. And he's like, all right here, and then, get over here. Look at this, now this is what you do. You wanna get, and he just, just start talking. All of a a sudden you're in this. I'm making chicken soup with this guy and an hour is gone by two hours is gone by and I'm and he's playing in between when the playing Frank Sinatra and this is this is Frank Sinatra. He's Dean Martin. He's just keeps talking

and getting you involved and he's showing you all his passions and all of a sudden the doorbell rings around two hours and the soup's almost done. It was those two kids, Dickie and Scott, those two punk kids and they were like, hey, it's Bobby home and I heard, I had never heard my dole bell ring. Right.

My dole bell never rang. I didn't have friends at that. I just didn't have them. So to hear the dole bell ring and someone go is Bobby home, my heart almost stopped as a depressed lonely little fucking Ten year 11 year whatever the fuck I was and They were like hey, we're going out you want to go and I was like Yeah, and Larry was like

Why'd you guys come in and have soup? And he brought these kids in and we had soup. Now I knew these kids were tough kids. They were fucked up kids too. They were bad kids. And they all came in. We had, he filled us with so much fucking chicken soup. And I remember they're like, we're gonna go out and my mom was like, yeah, okay, go ahead.

And he was like, guys, have fun. We went out and I remember these kids were like, what'd you do? They just want to know about the drugs. And they had a bottle of Seagram 777. Oh my God. And we sat by the tracks and I didn't want to drink it. Yeah.

I didn't even know what the fuck I just didn't want to do. I was having so much fun with that guy. Yeah. It's like what I wanted, what I've been looking for for years is right there. And I'm out with these guys and they're like drink it drink it. Let's go. Come on All right, we drank sigham seven and we we drank so much that we just all set on the tracks the real tracks and threw up gallons of chicken

And it was such a metaphor almost like I'm throwing away away. It's like, and I gave all that up. I was like a day too late. Yeah, I met this guy. You know what I mean? If he had, and I, it's like a day too, because then these guys, these kids were my, they wanted me, they came around every day and we started doing drugs and we started drinking at 10 and 11 or maybe 12, when was 12?

Most 12. Six grade, probably. Yeah, six grade and we were fucking, you know, we would drink in and I did whatever the fuck I had to do with those guys. Yeah. Yeah, they became your sort of surrogate father figures basically. They became my family because they were there every day. Right.

And if I just, it was almost a day too late. Yeah, yeah. If I didn't go to that party, I would have never met those kids. And I would have just met, you know what I mean? Yeah. Weird. How I don't know how, you know, your life is the way it is. But and from that day on, Larry was that guy, you know, and he put up with me, you know, being a really vicious alcoholic. And 13, how vicious could you? I was bad. Yeah.

I was a really bad fucking evil, fucked up individual back then. And in and out of draw, and jails and a court and flush the whole, I mean, you know, he loved my mom. And then he loved me and my sister. And we were all, we were twisted kids. And he put up with it.

And he didn't, you know, he didn't run away from it. He only hit me one time. He didn't really hit me. The funny story, I used to break in all the time to this house. This is breaking. The same house. I would lose my key and I would come home on time. So I, I literally would climb, I don't know how I did it, like three stories. I would just climb in, oh, your own house, you're bringing to your own house. I'm afraid of like three stories. I would just climb and, oh, your own house, you're bringing to your own house. I'm afraid of heights too, and I would just shimmy along the window into my room.

I look at that house now and there's like, there's no way I could have done what I did, of course. Like, yeah, I know you were a child, but the image of just a rotund man scaling. Oh, there I was. Yeah, that's what I was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That little sexy bastard.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, beautiful head of hair. Beautiful. Yeah, beautiful. And I remember, I did did it one night and it was the last straw and I was fucked up. I remember I was in my bed. I was fucked up. It was snowy slushy rain, snow and he comes up. He's like, Hey, come here for a second. You know that sarcastic tone was off.

Yeah, really nice. Yeah, he's a come here for a second. I go, what? He goes, come down here. I want to show you something. Oh, shit. Get me. I don't know. Sounds a little off.

But I got you a problem. Come here. Come here. Can we give you some over here? I'm like, all right. Well, I'm like, look at it on the corner. It's like good fouls. No, no, no, no, no, no, that's and I went back to the back door and the window where I broke in, there was that time,

that time I broke in this back window and he goes, you do that. And the door was open. And he took me, I was in my tiny wideies and he took me through me, the fucking door, fresh print style. I went out and first landed in the slush. No, it's lid. And then hit my head like on the brick. He immediately fell like shit. I remember he, you know, he was upstairs and he was so sad that he did that. Yeah.

So yeah, because it's not him, of course, it's not him, but I fucking was a really bad kid. Yeah. Bad. I just fuck you. I would swear and he just didn't know what else to do. But he was always with me. He was, he was, he picked me up from jail and left me in jail. You know, and even when I got my shit together and then he had my, my baby sister and my baby brother and he's always, but he's the guy. You come over the house and there's just what he,

come on in. Let's go. What do you want something to eat? You know, and then he's gone. You know, he, uh, he passed away. He, uh, it was 62. Happen. Oh, my God. And two seconds, he came home sick. You go to, he just got a new job and he came home sick. And, uh, and I went to the hot, he just, a new job and he came home sick.

And I went to the hospital, he just, he's supposed to go to the hospital Friday, didn't sat, he didn't, Sunday, finally went. Go to the fucking hospital. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, enough with the macho male, you know, I get it. Just go, it's not the fucking 1800s where you just take the hit and stay home and let an Indian come and do some fucking.

Yeah. I mean, it's got to the hospital. It's right there. We just take the hit and stay home and let an Indian come and do some fucking It's go to the hospital. It's right there. You feel you feel bad go to the fucking hospital. Yeah just go and You work hard for fucking insurance go and use it. You know, that's what I say and Whatever he didn't he went Sunday finally my mother and my sister made him go and Then I talked to my mom Sunday night. She was, I went to the dinner with all the people and I was what I went to I smoked a beautiful cigar with Tom Pop.

We had a beautiful conversation about the business and blah, blah, blah and I fucking star roasts his tooth. Oh, my dad's my two gay dads. Yeah. Yeah. I'm the I'm the yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In that one. Yeah. Yeah. He's cooking bread now. Okay. You're right. You're right. You're right. I want to give talk. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now he's fucking. Yeah. How about deep in yeast? True he's getting into pickling now Yeah, let's just like smooth yeah, but not pickling. He me Yeah putting a dick in his mouth

Having a whole can leaving it leaving it in your mouth to look at small It looks pruny like you're in the bath too long It looks pruny like you're in the bath too long. It takes, it takes hours because of the fucking, the edging is happening. The last hour. Stop. I think we just made a thing up. Yeah.

For the gay community. Take a pic call. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he went into the hospital Sunday. I talked to my mom at a great conversation. And the next day he found to a coma because of back hero manager. Yeah, and that shit goes quick. It's, you know, it's, it's, you know, I'm kind of, I'm not going to, you know, I don't want to, you know, get emotional. Now I kind of want to save it.

You know what I mean? It comes in waves, but, you know, it was really sad. You know, it's because there's two things that happen here. It's like, okay, this is Larry. This is the guy that's been there for over 30 years for me. And a lot of, I always wondered, I went up to, when I got up, when I moved out of the city, I always wondered like, like, you know, when I go to house, I just knew what to do. Yeah. Yeah, I just knew what to do. I knew, you know, I got to put a fence up over there. And I, okay, I got a, I got a level of the ground.

I got to build something over here. I just knew what to do. And I forgot that he gave me that, right? You know, he, I remember he would do that in his backyard. And like I said, he would just get you to do shit. Like, what are you going? Okay, help me with a, you will, give me some, I got a wheelbarrow that gravel in the back.

Just help me real quick. And then five hours later, you're building a deck. But you felt good about yourself. Yeah. He'd walk away and go, that didn't feel good that you did that. We built that. I always look at this deck and you know that me

and you did this one day. And it's true. And it's like, you know, when I look at my backyard, it's just, he gave me all that. Like my, the way I father, not all of it, you know, but a big chunk of it is from him, you know,

that, you know, old school, you know, dad, you know, for Max. And, you know, it's, but that's sad, you know, but I'm also sad because you got to look at Max, doesn't have a grand dad. You know, and he, you know, he said yesterday, he said, you know, I was like, you know, and he, you know, he said yesterday, he said, you know, I was like, you know, we're gonna go to Pappy, and he's just like, I don't wanna talk about it. And he's like, you know, talking about it because it makes me sad that Pappy's in heaven.

And I was like, it makes me feel good that my kid is feeling, you know what I mean? And he'll always have those memories, and he'll always, he will. It's not good. He will. I mean, I was pretty young. I don't know. I remember my father. I took him to a fucking bush garden. A month ago.

It doesn't remember. He remembers. Bush garden is really, I mean, my hair. I took a, yeah, rollercoasters much better than a grand father. Yeah. Everyone knows that. Harry Potter. Okay.

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Some shitty action figure doesn't even like Yeah, he said, ready-butted-butted-butt I mean, he was in Boston, we see here twice a year. But the thing, I feel bad for my mom, you know. I feel very bad for that. You know, that's why, you know, I think of her because, you know, he was the, he was the fucking John Wayne man. He was the man of the family. He was the guy. He cooked. He, he was that tying guy. He cooked in there. He cooked breakfast. You know, he took care of my mom. And now, you know, my mom's having a hard time. And it was, you know, she's praying. You know, I want to thank all my fans, all the listeners of this podcast that left comments that, you know, sense the... I mean, you guys really fucking... I can't even... It makes me so happy

that you guys like my shit because you're good people. And if I have you as my fans, I'm fucking... I can't tell you how corny that may sound. It makes me happy that that that that makes I feel good about myself that you guys, you good people because I read these comments and all the things because I asked for, you know, prayers or positive thoughts. And so many people left such great stuff and my mother actually read them and it made her feel good because she needed you know it's funny and I'll tell you this is you know we needed a miracle and he came back on Wednesday he started to move if he was in a coma and he started to move and

they brought my mother in and she said, you know, do you love me? And he shook his head. Yes. And then later that week, he passed. But it's like, he came back and he told my mom, you know, she asked me, you love, and he said, yes. And to have that, you know, is amazing.

To not have anything again, what is sucked amazing to never have anything again What a sock and she's gonna go through a hard time now, so I'm that's what gets me emotional. That's what fuck me up But yeah, he was a great guy and it sucks You know it sucks because you It shows you number one the comedy community the friends that I have are amazing. I fucking can't tell you how everybody, even people I didn't even, I know, but I didn't think what they reached out. Everybody reached out and said to me and left me a note or a text message or an email, some right away, like, Nick Mullin just right away, some aftree

died. Some people there before he died and during and then after, some people were just, you know, heard about it late because it's selfish in there thinking about themselves. Yeah, I mean, sounds like, I don't know, it sounds like maybe they have their own stuff to deal with, or maybe their family is having problems. Do you have problems? I had a pretty rough Thanksgiving, but it's alright, you know. Oh, I'm not as bad as yours. I'm not as bad as Dad.

I'm not as bad as Dad. What, something like caught in your pocket? Yeah, just indigestion. Yeah, I had to. I had diarrhea afterwards. But mom didn't make moussaka. Yeah, yeah. She forgot the nutmeg and the cookies.

It's not as good as usual. So it's kind of the same stuff you're dealing with, I would say. About an agree-close, and a fat guy with it. It's very similar to, basically, the same level of heartache, I would say. No. It sucks, you know, in Collins mom past this week,

oh Jesus, on the same day. Oh my God, that was my dad. So, that was, Todd Perry's father passed away on Thanksgiving. Yeah, he actually sent me a message and then I wrote here's a problem is people send you messages. You don't know what to send back. I know because you don't you want you want to let them know that you're it means a lot that they you know, but you don't want to sound like an asshole either. He sent me that message

and I just I wrote, you know, thank you Todd, but I didn't want to write, I don't know, you know, I'm sorry that you had to go through this and, you know, because it is, it comes in waves. It's like, you're fine. Like, I'll talk to my mother. She's like, hey, how you doing? And then all of a sudden, she's just done. Yeah. Tomorrow's going to be terrible.

The week's going to be terrible. And the funeral's going to be a fucking night and then i gotta go do comment oof you know and i gotta pre-know people want me to promote these fucking shows and i just you know i feel such a i feel like a piece of shit you know it's like me and mike finally got this instagram facebook twitter thing going to where we were you know trying to use use this the way you're supposed to or whatever. Yeah. And who the fuck knows?

You know, and all of a sudden this happens and you're like, look, man, I don't know what, I feel like, oh, hey, my dad died. Friday and Saturday, I'll be at the comedy show. And I want you, Freddie, to Sadie, Rhode Island. I mean, you don't know what the fuck to do. Yeah, that's so... Like a fucking phony. I mean, you could take it all.

You could not promote as hard for a couple of weeks, man. You're just going through a death in the family. It's just, it's hard. I mean, how do you balance that? Yeah, but it makes me want to give up on all of it, because it's like, what does it, any of that shit mean? It's like, look, you balance that? But it makes me want to give up on all of it because it's like, what does it, any of that shit mean? It's like, look man, it makes me want to, I want to move. I want to find, I want to find the cheapest, nicest place

to live in the country and just go there. Because what, who gives a, nobody gives a fuck about what, what do I got to do a spot on a fucking Tuesday? You know what I mean? What am I here? What am I doing here? Yeah. What am I doing? I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

They only care about shiny shit anyways. You know, it's like, what do you know? What the fuck are you doing? Trying to become what? What am I trying, what are we all, I don't know if they want to be trying to be, you know and it's like you know I gotta you gotta you gotta do Instagram like this. You gotta do this. You gotta do stories like this You know so many tell me dude. You're on the fucking thing too much

It's like I was finally having fun with Instagram and now people like in the business are coming down It's like you can never fucking win. The only way you win is by not doing it. Just walking away from it and you are what you are. And then go to your shows and whoever's there gets to see you do what I do, which is stand up and everything else is fucking whatever. That's the only way you're out of it. Any other way you're going to be, because this positive shit that's happening now

is going away in a week. You know, and I'll be blocking fat fuck dummy. You know, those guys are back. You know. Yeah. You know what I mean? There was a couple of guys in here. I had to literally delete, block them,

and delete their comments. Yeah. It's like, you don't even know that this is, this is from my mom, our family. This isn't, you know what I mean? It's like, you don't even know that this is for my mom, our family. You know what I mean? It's like, for the most part. Right, right. Sorry about that.

It's so easy, man. You didn't text me back, so I just felt like I had to do something. Sorry, I'm like that fucking joke. Yeah, yeah. Just kept going. You were drinking, I wanted to make sure you had a chance to laugh. I just thought, so I figured I'd extend it. What happened to your, what happened?

So tragic at Thanksgiving. Why did you come over my house? I, my thing's, it was good because I cut my father out completely out of it. So I just don't, me and my dad too. Yeah. But it wasn't good. Yeah. Yeah. But it wasn't good. Yeah. No. Jesus Christ. No, no, I know. I had a real, I had a real, the fuck I had a real bad. I would have betrayed. I had a, not now. Yeah.

Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah. I just, I fought with my dad over Christmas. Oh, you did. Oh, last Christmas. That's what we haven't spoken. And pasta. Yeah. He took the last piece of lamb chops. Um, uh, what did you find about it? It was, I mean, it was like, what? It's fundamental.

But he's just, he's a piece of shit to my mom and all this kind of stuff. Oh, really? Yeah. So, and it was just like, it was the first time where it was just me and my brothers. And so your father lives with your mom? Lives with my mom. And it was just me and my brothers. And so your father lives with your mom? This was my mom. And it was just you and your brothers were. We went and got Korean barbecue actually,

honey pig were our first date. We went to honey pig. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got a lot of emotions for me, honey pig, honestly. Me and you, we met there. The first annual Halkus Brothers Thanksgiving, Korean barbecue was there. How many, how many white people were there?

It was a lot of white dads with half Asian children. Actually, that's what it was the vibe was divorced. White dads just about to. Yeah. Creeps that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The fucking bang the massage polymer. Yeah. And they mailed their son over in Korea. That was the vibe. It was divorce dads and us. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was nice.

I liked it. No, what did your mom and dad do? What's your mom said? My mom, yeah, it's a, it's a touch. Why would you leave her out of it? I invited her. She wanted to, she had to stay home. Yeah.

So, let me, so your dad is that much of a piece of shit that you wouldn't be there for your mom? Yeah, I mean, I've tried, that's been my whole life is trying to be there for my mom. And then it just came to a head with my father where he tried to fight me last Christmas. He tried to fight me like a hour before Christmas dinner. Why?

Because he was being rude to my mom and I told him to stop. Can I ask what that means? Can you give me an example? You don't have to at all. But I just don't know what, like being rude to you, like insulting or he's like calling her, you know, you just calling her bad names, calling her, I mean,

just fucking, yeah, being abusive. He's an abusive guy. You know what I mean? And so, I don't want to get, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, abuse, yeah, I just didn't know what abuse would, that's abuse. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. I mean, but, and so, I mean, it was, thanks even was nice because it was like, there was no drama.

Yeah, exactly. It was the people you want to see with no drama with you guys. There was drama at your house. Your mother just crying or hitting on the back of it. Shut up, you fucking moron. Cook the lamp. I don't want him here. Where's my baby?

We were face timing. That's the best. The best. Yeah. I don't want him here. Oh, there's my baby. We were face timing. The bestie in the world. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, so I don't know.

I mean, it was, but whatever is fine. I'm, I'm do, me, my brothers have a good relationship, me, my mom have a good relationship. I bet your brother. I love your brother. How many brothers do you have? I have two little brothers. Little brother. They're younger.

They're two years younger. They're grown man, but I get, they're little brothers. They're way better than younger. They're two years younger. They're grown man, but they're little brothers. They're way better than him. They got all the good genes. They really, they're getting all the teeth hair. Yeah, he looks like he's younger. 100%. Yeah, but like, yeah, but like a baby.

Yeah. I look like a giant. Yeah. Yeah. Two missing, yeah. I just waxed my full body to just go for it. So I'm diapers. So you have, she wanted to have a good time. Yeah, I just waxed my full body to just go for it. So I'm diapers. So you had she wanted to have a good time. Yeah, it was good though. What would you get

at the honey pig? Can I just we got the whole fucking I mean, I spent it was like a $250 at honey pig. Honey pig, bro. How many to brothers and you? I had two brothers and then my roommate who his mom recently passed away. He didn't want to go home. It was a lot of my stuff. So he came with us and it was just like, I mean, we went all the fun. We're talking, we're talking to spicy pork bellies off-rip without even doing anything. Let's off-rip, just write it right at the sound. Don't don't ever do that. Sorry, I have to write it at the beginning of the meal. Unless we had to. I'm not going to be able to do it anymore. Yeah, I'm not going to be able to do it anymore. Yeah, I'm not going to be able to do it anymore. Yeah, I'm not going to be able to do it anymore.

Yeah, I'm not going to be able to do it anymore. Yeah, I'm not going to be able to do it anymore. Yeah, I'm not going to be able to do it anymore. Yeah, I'm not going to be able to do it anymore. Yeah, I'm not going to be able to do it anymore. Yeah, I'm not going to be able to do it anymore. Yeah, I'm not going to be able to do it anymore. Yeah, I'm not going to be able to do it anymore.

Yeah, I'm not going to be able to do it anymore. Yeah, I'm not going to be able to do it anymore. Yeah, I'm not going to be able to do it anymore. Yeah, I'm not going to be able to do it anymore. Yeah, I'm not going to be able to do it anymore. Yeah, I'm not going memories of my life, it was like when we were on tour, remember when you called Colin just to trash me together from about 45 minutes? That was like, if I was a child, it was like I made a monkey paw wish, where I was like, I will hope one day, Colin, Quint and Robert Kelly will speak to me for an hour. And then it came true,

and they're like, you do fat pieces. Yeah. I was like, I'm sorry, I wish for this. I should have been more clear. I mean, if you told me 10 year old me, this is what's going to happen someday, be like, what? No, you will feel bad. You wish.

That was a good tragic. I believe that. It really was. I think I remember we were turning on the exit when that happened. I remember this is, I remember going, this is going to be epic. It's perfect. Yeah, Colin, his mom passed what you said. You know, we were talking, I was literally,

it's the first time it's ever happened to me too. I guess I'm getting old. I was in, I got dressed. I don't, I, I have, I don't know what to do. Like I'm in decisive. I don't, I don't know what the fuck to do. Do I post this? Do I do this?

Do I cancel the gig? Do I go to the gig? You know what I said, last week in Rochester, I apologized to all the people in Rochester too. I had to Carson's car. What is it? Cormie on Carlson. Cormie on Carlson. Great club. Great guy. What a fucking stand-up guy this guy is. I'm telling you right now. I got off the plane.

Stead... I literally opened the door to my hotel room, sat in the chair. My brother called me, you gotta go. You gotta come back. Geez. And I was, my heart started, I couldn't catch my breath. I called my manager, Jim Cervicaux. I didn't know what to do. Yeah.

He's like, buddy, just go. Yeah, of course. You gotta go. You gotta do it. You gotta do it. And now, what do you want me to do? I'll take care of what you want me to do. And he was fucking great and he took care, you know. And I called the guy and I told him he was just great.

Hotel was great. They, you know, I just told him I gotta go. But here's a part, and I had to go back to the, I literally just, the guy came and picked me up, brought me back to the airport. I had a bioticket too. It's weird though. Look, I'm, you know, it's like, I'm not a millionaire. You know what I mean?

I have a family. I've, I've, I've bills. Like it's all relative. And I'm sitting like, oh, geez, I got it. How much is it ticket? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, it's one way right now, FATO.

This is what it is. And you don't want to sit there and go, my father, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't pull that. I don't want to be that guy. You know, I'm sitting on my gap and just go. I don't, I just got to do it. But you don't know what to do because you're rat, you're reasoning mine. Of course, is sitting there and you're like, go, you know, go and I get the ticket and I'm like, you know, people say, you're okay. And I'm like, you know, and I get on that. I had a flight in New York and then fly the boss

and it was a fucking, and then you go to the hospital and it's just fucking devastating. The ICU, the second time I had to do this, I had to do it the week before. You know, and then I came and then I come back and I was just terrible. I mean, it was terrible. I can't imagine what my mother's can't imagine. You know, it makes me look at my wife and my kid. I can't, it's coming for all of us. It's rough.

I mean, I did it with my mother two years ago when my mother had her liver transplant. And literally, it was Thanksgiving two years ago. And I surprised them knowing how sick my mother was. I was like, my sister was going, and I'm like, I'm gonna go to Miami. I'm gonna surprise them. Surprise my father at the airport. And then got to the front door of the apartment,

and I'm like, holy shit, she's gonna die. She's gonna die if not today, then tomorrow or the next day. And literally like you just need to spend every second and it was, it's such a mind fuck. It's such a mind fuck. And it's like, you know, you spending that time in ICU, like I just, you're like, what am I gonna do with my father? What am I gonna do with my sister? Like how do I prepare this stuff?

And at the same time, taking care of her and life and business and work, it's crazy. It's really crazy. It makes you think of like, like back in the day, it's just, you know, like in the 1800s. Some would just be sick and fall off. Yeah. But now they can just, you know, you go to the hospital and say, it's just this long, prolonged fucking fight. It's like a weird thing, man.

It's like you're in the hospital and you're sitting there and you're, It's like a weird thing, man. It's like you're in the hospital and you're sitting there and you're, it's like, you know, what's happening? Yeah. We always get this and this and this. Well, you know, my mom's like, well, is there a pot, canny? Well, we can't say there isn't, there, so there is.

And it's like, you know, because they can't say legally, right? You know what I mean? You know, like back in the day, look, man, to rap, but I really can't do that you know and It's fucking man. I remember I came back and then call told me his mom and then Monday And then I woke up. I'm like, what do I fucking do? Yeah, look? I you know do I do the podcast do I do I do show to I don't want to do I don't want to fucking go tell jokes yeah And I

Like I don't want to hear put this on I got dressed I put on You know a little suture and little slacks and I'm in my car on the west side highway just driving in the rain cold rain in traffic going to a wake Think about my mom thinking about my baby brother, my father, and I just try, I can't, I can't do it. I just text a call, I can't do it, I can't, I can't go to a wake, because if it all comes out and calls mom's way, it's not fair to me. Did you guys date?

I'm like, I'm like, oh, I'm like, wow, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, how's going, yeah, hang on my mom was like,

how's it going? What are you doing? It's like a mom's wife. Just, yeah, I'm just like, yeah. I'm just like, please, take me instead. I didn't want, I just didn't want, I couldn't, I could feel I'm holding everything back. Yeah.

Because I don't want to give it to the wrong people. I want to give it to Larry and my family. And you know what I mean? I just turned around and as soon as I couldn't breathe, I don't have, like I had anxiety with, I was like, like, what the fuck? And I'm like, am I dying? Please don't let me die.

My mother will fucking jump off a bridge. You know, don't might be like, that secret life insurance policy. I get this house and I found that firefighter going to speak about it. Stop burning shit in the oven. I know she's fucking. I got cameras all around that house. I'm gonna catch that plot with somebody someday.

I can't wait for my go, hey, what about this? I got cameras all around that house. I'm gonna catch that twat with somebody someday. Yeah. I can't wait for my go, hey, what about this? You can't. Just see her fucking ball. Anyways, I hope he's Mexican. I really do. Your race is, no, my fucking wife's. Yeah, my wife wife, South of Mexicans.

My wife's boyfriend is Mexican. Thank you very much. My wife is cheating on me with a caravan. How dare you? How dare you? How dare you? The caravan is the code word for my wife's pussy. Actually, yeah.

You should have taken him in through her pussy. Yeah. The wall is. So we, yeah, it was, I turned around. I went back. I just went home. What fucking home? As soon as I turned around, I felt like me. I couldn't do it. It felt so bad. Because I wanted to be there for Colin. And you know, I just, he, but he understood of course.

Of course. Yeah. And now I got to go there for Colin and you know, I just, but he understood of course, of course. And now I gotta go do this thing tomorrow. I'm just gonna be rough. It's gonna be terrible. And it's not gonna be fun. And it's gonna be worse because now he was the guy and he's just house and money and you know, I don't get this, I don't get this, I wake in box and whole

Twenty thousand dollars. Yeah, I don't fucking get it. Yeah, I Told I called Dawn. I go dawn. We need to figure it out now Yeah, I don't want you fucking I don't want people going to debt People you know, did you just just lose the love of your life? You losing financially now, you're going, now you're fucked. If you don't have, and they pray, they need people to not prepare.

Yeah, oh yeah. And they just bang them out, fucking, yep. And they upsell you like it's, yeah. Yeah, like it's an appetizer on trade. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What the icing? Get the egg at the ice cream. Do I get the Vietnamese salad papaya?

Oh, you want the steak on that? Oh, get the duck. Yeah, yeah. That's $14. This is only eight. Yeah, Mahogany toms and she like that. It's fucked up. I don't know.

It's just whatever. So now it's, you know, and you sit there and you're like, fuck, fuck. What? Well, you know, you don't even, like, he's gone and it doesn't make sense. Like the last time I talked to him, he was such a staunch Republican. And my mother is such a left-wing, fucking liberal. And I would just talk with him knowing she could hear it. Yeah. Five minutes in she came in, you know, you two fucking.

I was just saying shit to piss her off. Yeah. And she came in and she say something about like Trump. And like Kennedy was a hoe. And she might. Her head would pop off. If you talked about John F. Kennedy, you call him just a womanizing how,

nope, let me take you. He was, he was a little thought. Oh, my mother would have fucking went down on him in front of my grandma. I'm a bad church. My mother would have gave me a hand job in church.

Fuckin' everybody. Yeah, good for him. Good for the candidates. 100%. Yeah, but fucking a, dude. So anyways, yeah, the next, this is just the beginning of it, I think, you know, it's just gonna be tough enough for me. It's like if, because if it happens later in life, when you're both old, I think, you

know, she should have lost her house. 62 years young, man. And he's such a great guy. He's the best solid fucking guy. Just the fucking best, you know? And now it's tomorrow's gonna be a fucking nightmare. But I had to get the fuck out. Don't let me go boxing yesterday.

I was hitting the bag. I was just fucking. It's like, yeah, you gotta leave for two hours at least. Yeah. For sure. You know, it's just cheating on you. It's not. No, we got it.

Yeah, no. We're not your audience. We don't have to hit him over the head. We got it. We're in the comedy biz. We got it. We pick up on social keys. Yeah, you don't have to do eyebrows with us.

Yeah. We call it. I pull up on social keys. Yeah, you have to do eyebrows with us. Yeah I put a real fight in My apologies my apologies. Someone doesn't like the finances in at the seller. No, I love you. Oh that no Yeah, of course not but you know, I love you might be out, Sally Yeah, of course not, but you know, I love it. You might be out, Stolly. Yeah. Stolly, are you in at the salon? Nope.

What? Nope. Why? No one's recommended him where it is in of the Ballstore edition. I don't know. What? Why I have the Ballstore, oh, you should have. Are you good enough?

Wow. Yes. I mean, it's an honest question. Yes, I am. All right. And the people that are going to. Yeah, I don't know. We're going to get something to do.

You're not going to get something to do. Stupid enough to do that. Sorry. Let me text you and hey, in buddy. Yeah, sorry about what I said earlier on that podcast You know how fucking fury if he got in through Ian No, furious he would be I Would I would quit comedy before I got in through Hey, man Just the rest of my life.

Ian being like, got you, buddy. Boom, Shackle, I got. Oh, shit. Oh, boy. That is a fucking nightmare. That's terrible. That's fucking a struggle. Now, like, how do we make this happen? That is a fucking nightmare. That's terrible. That's fucking a struggle.

Now, like, how do we make this happen? Oh, Ian. I do love you though. He is the, he is the most hilarious person of all time. That's like Brendan Sagalo getting me in at the side. Yeah. Oh, shit. Perfect.

Me and Fini put in a good word for you, Bob. Oh, man. We have no ads, right? No. Okay, good. Anyway, you have a pen. What does a pen say? It says, I like work.

I can watch all day. What? It's a pen. I'm a big fan of pens. Why? Yeah. Why do I like pens? Yeah, why is it on the sweater? It's I don't know now it's annoying. We why don't you point that out? I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I got it has one yeah, Harrison and I found it on the table and I gave it to somebody

I gave it to Brandon the manager around the corner sure you didn't give it to T Start with a T No, I gave it to Brandon whatever This fun little joke well, no, just didn't finish the joke. Yeah, I bailed on it. I went to, yes, I was about to spell, but then I, I pulled the trigger on it. So anyway, yeah, you know what sucks about doing comedy this week is I got, I got fucking 10 minutes on death. Yeah, yeah, it's like I got that whole thing about getting married and then dying and it's like

I'm gonna have to shell it. I don't know. I'm not there's no way. You'll see what happens. You would think it like I don't know that's I think that's interesting to like bring that kind of the emotion to that kind of bit. I don want to fucking cry Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah It's like Yeah, my my father That it comes in It's gonna wear a fucking tight jeans and Bob Yeah, Bob it just gonna cry for an hour ¡No es tu, pero no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no es tu, no, no es tu, no es tu, tu, no es tu, no, no es tu, tu, no, no es tu, no es tu, tu, no es tu, no es ¡Aya, ya! Volotea. Tarifa sujeta esa disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.

Anyways, I want to breed his obituary. I got that. I insistar about this. Let's get too morbid, but I think it's kind of beautiful to the point. Can you read that? Oh, it's out. So, boy, said he Lawrence J 62 a model had passed away at mass general hospital under the 25th, 2018 Larry had a long career in the hardware and home improvement industry. Most recently as a regional manager at true value company.

And before the end, I got to tell you, true value stepped the fuck up. He was working for them for a week. Wow. So he just got a new job with them and the people there, insurance, I mean, they, that's great. What a great company. What a great, great people. So true value. Before that with Ace Hardware, Larry loved his work providing for his family, but his true achievements are at home with his wife and children who were his world. He loved to golf, watch old movies, and had a passion for music and cooking. Nothing brought him more joy than cooking or his loved ones. He loved sports, especially the Patriots football, from Boston, you go through the Pats, every obituary. So glad he saw the socks win another world series. And Brady threw another tie style. His greatest impact on those around him was his open kind and generous spirit.

Absolutely true. He would drop everything to help another, another, absolutely true. He would drop everything to help another another, another absolutely true. And he would do absolutely anything for his family. Absolutely true. He is survived by his wife, Kathleen, Don and Borsetti, his children, Caroline Borsetti, Andrew Borsetti, Lisa Kelly, Bobby Kelly, and his wife, Don Kelly. That's my wife. His gay on Troubled and Christian, Kristen Lawson, Mac Kelly, and Michael Brakman. His brother, Ronald Wale, look at this. Ronald, all right, hang on, don't scroll, you fuck. It's thank you. That's how, see, Michael would have never did that.

Michael would have scrolled, but then we're like, look at me, I'm sorry. You were done, I just wanted to somehow make, become a victim. And then I'd be like, Mike, shut the fuck up. See, he just takes the hit and fucking goes, right here, stupid. His brother Ronald, his late wife, Terry. Yeah. Oh my God. Rick Janet, Stephen, Linda, Thomas and wife, who was Luis. What? Louis. Louis, yeah. That's wife. Family. I mean, look at all this huge family.

Big family. Big family. Um, yeah. A funeral mass will be celebrated at our Lady Star of church 85 at the Gavin New Marblehead on Friday, November 30, the 10 AM. Where's the wake? There you go right there. Funeral home. Yeah, what does it say? Visiting hours will be held in the Houston Cornell funeral home.

Houston's Cornell funeral home. That's 142 L Street, mobile head on Thursday from 4 to 8 PM. It's a four hour wake. Yeah. All right, I got to give that information out too. We got to tweet the funeral home out and the, that stuff out.

I'll just do a bituary out on my Instagram and everything. Anyhow, there you go. It's weird. You know, say good. That's nice though. In lieu of flowers donations, maybe made to the American Kidney Foundation. In my sister. Yeah. My sister who's in dialysis In lieu of flowers, donations maybe made to the American Kidney Foundation. It's my sister.

Yeah. My sister who's in dialysis four times a week still needs a kidney. She's definitely put that there too. It's just this time of life, man. It's this time of life where it's just the 20s were awesome. I say to my actor all the time, 20s were awesome, 30s were fucking brilliant. 40s, it's just very serious. Reality. And time is ticking, man. Fucking ticket. That's 10. That's 14 years away.

Yeah. That's nothing. 14 years goes by like that. I mean, that's a blink. September 11th was what? 17 years ago? Yeah. 17 years ago, September 11th, I, and it's like it happened yesterday. Already new buildings up, everything we never forget, of course, but we did put new buildings up.

Kind of forget that they were there because the new one is so nice. And yeah. Yeah, fucking crazy. Crazy. And then you know, you know, you know, it's fucking weird. So, I don't know what else to fucking say about it. That's good. It can help me out. Somebody chime in. Yeah, I got you, Bob. No, I got nothing, but I just give you dates. Yeah Perfect. I will be a long island this Friday 930 the honeymoon It's a lobby of a movie theater. Yeah, so it's the fuck I

Yeah, you want by starving you get the snacks and the yeah This is what bugs me about this, the new generation of comedy. This really bothers me about social media because you look at, no, Luke, that's a fucking cool gig, love it. Yeah, but back in the day, hang on, put him in.

All right. Sneer by the home, you know what, it's a drive away. He will be at the cellar, but he'll be at the home with the air. But you look at that gig and you're like, what the how did you get the art cinema in your brain? You're like, he's doing the art cinema and you don't know what it is. Of course. It's not the, it's a fight that's throwing

juju beats. Black Panther and HD. And it's like, fuck me. You don't know. I sold out. Yeah, it's fucking 40 seats. I'm trying to do a fucking 500 seat improv. Six shows. You're doing a 40 seat or a fucking Mexican. Stop ripping tickets. Yeah, yep. Yeah, they make more if you rip the tickets too.

Maybe they are way. Yeah, everybody's on tour. I love it. Everybody's on tour. Everybody's got a fucking tour date. Yeah, best thing ever. That's what I did my tour. I want to make fun.

Everybody's on fucking tour. Everybody's doing shit. All you have to do is come up with a tour name. Yep. And then put a pretty little poster. Put some dates on it. I will be I will be announcing my full tour. You just get to hit every movie theater. I'm partnering with regal cinemas. To do all the lobbies in America. Movie pass will not be accepted. We're going to film some toothless stuff.

That's a good one. Was that what it's called? I've done that. That was the last tour. It was a resistance toothless. But thank you, buddy. And I'm probably your head's in the right place. What's it called?

What's a new tour called? We will be called the But the Breakfast tour. What's it called? What's the new tour called? We will be called the But the Breakfast tour. What's it about? It's all that joke I have about the breakfast. They keep making fun of me about it on Compton. None of us listen to that. I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't seen you acting in a year.

I don't think I've ever seen this before. It's the joke that I panned her to try and fuck. Oh, the last joke. The last joke. Nothing bugs me more than how four women's rights he is, but his whole act is to get laid. Yeah, literally. Well, I think, you know, that's part of women's sexual pleasure, you know, is having

this year, is having sexual potential having sexual potential, but man, they hadn't considered before, you know, there's, there's sex to be found in all sorts of packages, whether they be round and toothless or, you know, have abs or whatever. Oh my God. So yes, I would like to have sex. If anyone out there's listening, what would that sex with me? The police at the end makes. He's a human tender.

His act is literally tender. It's just women while he's on stage swiping left. Good thing. All right. It's my experience, he's on stage swiping left. Good thing. All right. It's my experience, Liz. You know, I have to be out there. You're going to end up being a Rubrae. Stop it.

No, I will not be a Rubrae. The Rubrae actually sent me some beautiful flowers. Yeah, you told me that tonight. That's very nice of him. Yeah, I see him. Well, yeah, that's good, man. You're on a tour. Yeah, I'll put, I'm playing some action.

I'm going to the DC draft house next weekend. That's a little club. The DC draft house, the one I play on the theater, the one you play, the one DC. The box, the box, yeah. What a beautiful, yeah. Black circle, a brewing company. And then I'm at Pican pennies

of barbecue restaurant Columbus. The next day, the fourth week. Reporium. This is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. I'm at hilarious on Sunday. That's a close Sunday. Sunday. It's not a that's not there that weekend. Yeah, who's not doing Sunday? Steve Burn I believe. What are you saying? Oh, yeah. Great. Buffalo at what?

Leach is. Oh, this is such a real. Lodgems real. Come on. That's a real place. Yeah. This is this is just moving here. Yeah. Real house. Give me a break. Other days, if you love pinball,

you know, yeah, and Aladdin's arcade and he's pointin' on. He'll be doing stand-in-ex to the crane game. He's opening up this his old tar machine. That was alright. That was fine. He can't be the key trail dog.

That's fine. He can't be the key trail dog. That's fine. He's got to be the key trail dog. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. I'm a be too trail dog. Yeah. So the disappointment in your eyes. That's a good one with the fucking crane game. And then you probably should have ended a crane game.

And you had Zoltar. You actually set it like Johnny Carson. Zoltar. Yeah. I'm not sure. No, I don't know. I am trying to be a morsel. I am trying to settle down and stop having sexual

with random people. I'd like to try. You were just criticizing me for missing a minute. No, I'm not. Don't do it. Don't do it. Yeah, I'm not doing it. Don't do it.

Protect yourself. Don't get anybody pregnant. Don't get shit on your dick. It's sick. Yeah. Yes. I'm clean, baby. Well, you don't know that.

I know you are, but you don't know who. You don't know. You don't know that. You can't. First of Well, you don't know that. I know you are, but you don't know who you don't know. You don't know that you can't, first of all, you don't know that clean until you get something. Right. You know, you're not going to fuck go down there and see it. Unless you're magnifying glass, you know, in a black light. Yeah. I want to just check your warts. Is that an earlobe or a wart?

Oh my God. You know, so you're going to be careful of that shit. I'm careful. Yeah, you're carrying that. No, like really careful. I actually felt I walked by where you fucked that chick on the grassy noir. Oh yeah.

I wasn't from mom. And I actually saluted it. I would let you know, my goals have a bronze statue of me on all fours in that, in that, in that grassy, no, yeah. Mm hmm. She's a, in a park. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You know, where did she live? He was storing with her parents. Oh my gosh. Did I have my mouthpiece at that time? It was pre-mouthpiece, I believe.

Yeah, it was tough. Sometimes I could hear him through the walls. We had a joining rooms. Yeah. Dom, Dom, when we had last night, no two nights go, she punched me, she goes, go to the other side of the bed. I was like, what? She goes, I was snoring so bad. It sounds like someone's having trouble starting a lawnmower.

Yeah, I had a problem. I had to prop myself up like the elephant man and then a whole my mom. Oh, this is so wouldn't wake that bitch up. Stop fucking banging Mexicans all day. We'll be so tired. Just busy. I, uh, that was a tour where you wouldn't close the door, right? What? You had like Instagram videos where you were leaving the door.

Oh, yeah. I had to have a problem with doors. Dude, he's like my son. I do not sell. I'm not selling. He's like, fucking Max. Max just walks out of a house. Just walks out and doesn't shut doors. This clock sucker would just, I literally went to,

he would go try to get laid every night, even on my birthday when I was alone. Right. I apologize that length for that one. And I'm on my birthday. When will I ever get forgiveness? Romero. Never.

Irish. What's the juice? Do you understand that? Like juice get a fucking guilt trip. Yeah. Irish for life. Irish mothers and grandma away worse than Jewish. So no, you'll So no you'll never

But so we're Was never Sit there I go I would wake up in the middle of the night the door would be just open to the hotel And I'm just like what the fuck one night I'm walking down I walk by his room the doors open I go in I sneak into his room. Oh, perfect. I stand over him. Oh my God, perfect. Around 20 minutes. Just over him.

I could have sucked his deck. I could have sucked his deck. First thing you popped in your head, how about? I was gonna murder him, but then nobody wants a second dead guy. That's better. Yep. You got to get to the dink before nobody wants to second dead. Yeah. Yeah. You got to get to the dick before the rig of Mortis sets in. Everyone knows that.

Pickling. What's that? Pickling. Oh, yeah. Pickling. Oh, yeah. Pickling. Oh.

Yeah. So yeah, I stood over him and then I scared him. I never. Oh my god. He what did you, you screamed? Yeah then I scared him. I never, oh my God. I was scared. What did you, you screamed? Yeah, I absolutely screamed. Screamed and just to know that if he was going to be murdered, he would scream.

Like a little bit. And not fly back at all. Well, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. That's his, that's his defense technique. He's gonna get on my knees. Don't take my wallet. Halt! I just started sucking his fingers.

I'm like, dude, it's me. I was like, I know I tasted ribs. He wakes me up, I'm like, you're early. I thought on Craigslist. We said, all right. I do. Anyways, close the door, Stavvy. Moral. I did. I did. I did. I actually accidentally masturbated with the door wide open and Lafayette Louisiana at a holiday

in. So you're going to get over. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, recently, yeah, you're gonna get it. You are accidentally, accidentally. Yeah. Yeah. I've actually, I've fallen asleep naked, like get up in the morning and fall asleep naked.

And then, um, mm-hmm. Who is it? Bobby is reading a text message. Sorry, dude, can you, I don't know what that says. I got a main, I got a a text message. Sorry, dude. Can you, I don't know what that says? I got a main, I got a main text messages since all the shit was awesome. Yeah. Anyways, I lie in my bed naked sometimes and I don't put the do not disturb sign on.

Oh, nice. Hello. Hello. Is that Kelly? I don have, I don't know, I'm not naked, but I'll have like one cheek sticking out. Sure. A little bit of a cheek. Hello, hello. And one lady came out to start cleaning it. Around you. Really?

Yeah. I had a lot, I had a lot, I didn't want to do anything. So I had a lot of like I was dead. Yeah. And I was like, I can't deal with this. I just woke up and go, hey, just towels. Yeah, yeah.

Just towels. In Cleveland, actually, somebody saw a, I didn't put the do not disturb sign and a poor cleaning lady walked down me eating pussy on all fours, like just looking into my asshole. It was a brutal one. Wow. I know. I felt bad. I chipped big time.

Yeah, you better. Yeah, you better, everything I made. That was a quick like Oh, yeah, go church. Confession the whole night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She had to touch every towel like it just fucking full hazmat. You eating girls pussy. No Did she facing the window? How does that work? Uh, there was a chair. I don't know if you've been to the hilarities. Uh, that, that, in that old hotel, the old hotel first mall indoor mall in America. Yes, the arcade, beautiful hotel. Beautiful. Um, and yes, she was on the chair and I was just, you know, we just kind of impromptu, pussy eating sash, you know, sash. Yeah, a little sassure. And yeah, and I was, I was just like on all fours. And yeah, I was, so the girls was sort of facing the door.

Oh, so she actually was eye-to-eye with the, yeah, poor girl. He just heard a very, just, uh, immediately went away. So he has a bug me about hilarities. The guy who owns his great neck, great. Shots at the Sam. Yeah. Fuck Sam. Who Sam? You're like Sam the manager, Sam Klima.

I don't know. I don't they made me an offer. It was, I was like, fucking seven. Oh, how many? It's like, dude, I can't do that. Many shows for that. Right. Right.

I was not doing it. Yeah. But this fuck works there one day on a son. Why can't I just work on a Sunday? Why do I have to work fucking? Do you want to go to Cleveland on a Sunday? I love Cleveland. Love Cleveland.

I do stuff one day a son, one show, fuck out. All right, well, let's get rid of him. What's in his head? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, let's look at your calendar and look at it. I'm sure we can work this out. The summer 60s. Six shows.

Yeah, you got to do six, six shows. You're open. And then you want to do it? You want to bump me in hilarious. Let's call right now. You don't want to do it for what I'm doing for it's not good. I mean, clearly it's not going to happen. It'll sell out.

It'll be great. I'll do a doodiel. Yeah. On a Sunday? I'll do a doodiel. You want to pop in at P campanon still? They pay you in brisket See a show fuck off There's a great picture

Stavvy was made for now It was a great picture. Yeah, sure. Look, a Stavvy was made for now. Oh, yeah. It's just you. Oh, my God. 100%. Stavvy was so made for, look, look, look, look, look, look.

I can't. God, where is Stavvy? Yeah. That's the one I met. Yeah. That's the one I met. I don't know him. That's the one I met.

What is that? What is that? What is that? It's just me covering glitter. I love that one. I love that one. I love that. That was beautiful. I love that one. I love that one. I love that one. That was beautiful. I love that.

I really appreciate it. My homage to flash dance. Clearly. Look at it. Well, that's it. It's an audio medium. I just want to eat you. It looks like a ham.

I know. I do look luscious. Look at that calf. Look at that big calf. Oh my god. Look at that dead toe. I love you. We could have sat with that. We could have sat with that. Oh my god. Look at that dead toe. We could have done that. We could have done that.

That's Instagram. It really, it gives me life. It's one of my favorite Instagram accounts ever. Thank you. I make everybody. I make everybody. Thank you so much, Liz. Click on and double pat.

Oh god. Just too much. I missed the, the Stavvy baby, the original was fucking. Yeah. It was great. And they're all gone, right? They're all gone. Instagram. Wow. We were on a gig together. Remember it Boston. We were playing. Oh, it felt so bad. Yeah, it's brutal. Yeah, I felt so bad. Look at this. The tooth. The dead. That's dead. That's a fake one actually. That was taken with a fake tooth. Can't even tell. I love that photo of you right there. That's the kid I met.

Yeah. That's the kid I took the honeypink. I was fatter when we went to honeypig. He looks so good right there. Yeah. Yeah. Look at those. He's a good looking shirt. I know. I am close. Yeah. I'll tell you what Stavis. He is a, he was meant to be fat. Unfortunately, I believe you're correct. Yeah. Yeah. If you were skinny, you'd be just a shit. I know. Just a dumb comic. Yeah, I mean, well, I don't know about that.

But yeah, probably. He's probably going to be the right. I will never not be fat. I just want to be no titties. No titties. Maybe big arms fat. Yeah. No, you look good like that, but you were meant to be fat.

Yeah. It's right there. I think it's a good weight for you. Thank you. And you were meant to be a little fatty. Yeah, let's a good fat. No, you look good like that, but you were meant to be fat. Yeah. It's right there, I think, is a good weight for you, and you were meant to be a little fatty. Yeah, let's get to 230. Yeah. 230. What are you now? Don't talk about it.

Yeah. A wild amount, 280, maybe, 298. A wild amount. No. Yeah. I carry weight in a strange way. How old are you? How much are you, Ailes?

No. Did you hear that lie? I really don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Have you ever been you a les? Did you hear that lie? I really don't know Have you been with the blocker? So the security over at the fucking pussy cat You have an out of white guy to fuck it to your comments. Five, six, ten years. I'm a qualified opportunity, but... Yeah, pussy place R&B wouldn't fuck it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Jesus. Jesus Christ. I want to thank the Patreon people too for not, no one has canceled since my, I've been going through this, which I think they're waiting for after the wake. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to give it a come on. I'll hide them out. Well, the thing that sucks too is that, you know, you're trying to do all this promotion

now because we have to do it, which it's just a different world. When I came up, you were in the newspaper and you did news and you did local radio and that's all you did. Right. There was no social media. So you just made it on, you made it on the club having a mailing list or some type of following of their own following where they said, look, we got blah, blah, blah.

Hey, Becky, how are you? I didn't say hi to you. I'm so sorry. I meant to say hi to you, but we kept flowing. Nice to see you. She's the sweetest. You know, and now it's this thing that you have to somehow, it's it's it figure out.

Well, the market's so flooded. I mean, this idiot's doing a fucking show in a movie theater. It's not just like one club in every town and that's it. It's now, you know, you have a show in a parking lot. So, you know, you need to find your market. Well, there's a company, and comedy things going on every fucking weekend and every town there.

Yeah, there's so many comics. That's why I'd say, I'm almost, you know, it's like, you know, and then shit like this happens and life becomes absolutely real. Yeah. And you're like, what the fuck am I doing? And then how do you go back to it? I don't know how to go back to Instagram story without being

disingenuous or a phony. I don't know how to go back there and go, hey guys, I'm fucking check out this guy's walk This barbecue's fantastic. Give a shout out to fucking Nuckis And this barbecue's fantastic. Give a shout out to fucking Nuckis. I don't fucking know. You're a listen, there will be a time where you want a shout out of barbecue restaurant again, Bobby. I am confident in that. You will get out of this group.

Sometime next week. Yeah. You'll have a great. You'll have a great. You'll have a great. You'll have a great. Yeah. Before you know it, pal.

You can't. I'm just saying, you know what I'm saying? It's like I was, I was having fun with it. A little, Twitter was dead in my world. Yeah. Thank God. Just dead because it does nothing. Nobody, I've never, no one ever came in.

Hey, saw you on Twitter. I read that tweet. Yeah. I like to do my Brian Regan with, no, saw you on Twitter. Hey, wait. I love Brian Regan. Yeah. I do it.

I still, you know Twitter. I saw it. Yeah, I still want to read a Twitter. And I saw it. It was good. It was perfect. It was just enough. The photo with no manners. And that way you're going to be. And that's it.

That's why I like it. Sounds good Brian. No, I'm coming up. No, I'm coming up. That should be good. Let's talk about dead dads. Um, so any who? Let's talk about dead dead So any who

Yeah, it's Stop panicking Mike Just broke The owner of all fucking Stop moving chair. Yeah, fucking next. No, this is great. I like it. Stop moving without. You fucking Mexican. This is great. I like this. Stop moving. But that is in his way. Now it's in his way.

He should be here in between button boy and starving. Yeah, put that's where he needs to go. He's still in the school. You stay right there. All right, you don't have to. Oh, there is. Please. Sit over here, right here.

Right here. What? What's work? Yep. yeah well she is working she's working helping your friend that's right I'm sucking you guys oh stop roast Jesus Christ you know just just pass him the chair pass him your chair chair. It's my cue test, and he feels. That's it, Stavie. Now you're really never getting in this club. Oh, bummer. Just use the fence, Ian. Did you see his face?

I should have known. Yeah. How we doing? Too close. Yeah. He's the most the boy for dumb. No, really likes Ian. Did we mention that?

I love Ian. He's my guy. Ian Finance. Ian. Did we mention that? I love Ian. He's my guy. He's an fan. Are you making fun of Ian? Absolutely not. We're making fun of Stavros. But me more. So, yes. Why, you really love Ian, huh? I know. I know. I have other no my audience. You put my thing up for the fucking instead. What are you fucking fan? Yeah, just get my stuff up. My face at least put the show up. Yeah, come on. Fuck it. Jesus blowing it a Brucie. Anyways.

Yeah. Oh nice. Anyways, no, I'm kind of sad, no. Nothing. Because of your personal tragedy or I'm kind a problem. Nothing. Because of your personal tragedy or I'm kind of sad that it made me sad that you know, all my friends call me except for one. Me.

Yeah. Because I'm having trouble talking to my friends. I don't know why. I really made me sad because you're right down the street for me. You've been through this. You can call from anywhere in the world. But you're right.

I was sitting there going, gee, I haven't heard from NOM and I was like, I wondered why. I thought that was it. That's not because I didn't think of it. Why wasn't? I considered it for hours. I didn't want to.

Can I tell you what I had thought? Can I tell you why? I think first. Yeah. Can I tell you what I am? Can I tell you why I think first? Yeah, sure. And this is what I came up with to save our friendship. Oh, Jesus. I, I, because you, number one, you went through, you, you, your father had passed away and you don't want to, it's a very touchy subject with you. And number two, you don't like me that much.

The latter. It's just a little truth to both. No. When my father died, I didn't really want all the phone calls. And I didn't know your father. Your father is your... You've met him a bunch of times.

He's at the barbecue every year. You've literally met him five times. And I had you listen to my dad, Larry, and you're like, hey, hey, no. And you were like, this is no on the other side. You're like, hey, no, I'm not talking. You know, I don't remember. I don't, but I'm not, but if I met him, I met him.

I never, I'm not saying he had a lot of charisma, but I didn't, if I met him, it was was more, it couldn't have been more than a hello. Not even a single sentence between us. No, you guys talked. You talked. All right. Literally sat down and talked. It was just you, my mom.

And it was Thanksgiving time. And I remembered how two Thanksgiving's ago you canceled the last minute because you got a better reputation. And, and, no, this is the other. Louis invited me. No, I just didn't. I just didn't, mate. And I did thank him with him the year before.

Right, sure. You know what I'm saying, right? I did. Not everything was all- Not everything was homemade. Let's just put that way. Some of the stuff was ordered. It's okay, because this year I was invited to Louis.

No, no, no. No, I was that alone and I'm on a boat. And I figured I would see you in person. I feel like I don't know. I just, I was like, well, I'm going to call Robert and say, yeah, I just do it. I'm sorry, yeah, I'm sorry. And I was like, he's talking to everybody's family. Is this?

I figured people like Colin and everybody in Colin's mother. And it's like, I don't know. I just want to ask you one question. This will make it all go away. Did you text or call Collins? Of course. What am I? Oh, I'll hold up.

You see the fuck. What the fuck is wrong with you? It's Colin Quinn. No, I haven't called Colin either. Maybe I should. You haven't called fucking either. Maybe I'm maybe I'm maybe I'm sure. You haven't called fucking Colin? I'm going to call him now. Are you kidding me?

He's your name. He'll seem to me. Let me say something. This is what you need to leave. No, I want to see both the person. Well, listen, how but if you didn't, what if I, what if something happened? What if God forbid something happened? What do you mean?

And you never got to see Colin on me. What if I went, Jesus Christ. I would call Dawn, is that what you're getting? I would call Dawn. You don't call Dawn. You don't call Dawn. I already got issues with Dawn. She's not.

At a time when she's vulnerable. I don't. I don't. I don't. Financially. And emotionally. No, I got this new club. I could ship you in Max out there.

Like it's casino. No, no, no. As a matter of fact, even Liz said she was sending flowers. And I said, okay, you know, but even flowers to, even flowers to me seem so, so perfunctory, you know, what? Really? You're gonna pull that word? It seems so wrote like I used to have flowers. I know rogue. I know rogue. Rogue.

Rogue. Rogue. I think as I'm getting older, I'm just becoming very, like averse to being like to these kind of social like this is how you have to handle this. What you have to say, whatever it is, and you have to have these kind of conversations that are imposed on you that may not even be that pleasant for either party. But if you don't do it, they think that you don't care. But of course, I care. I just figured I would see you in person. Well, I think you're right about that. I feel the same way. I mean, it's a lot of repetition, you know, and I wasn't calling anybody back feel the same way. I mean, it's a lot of repetition, you know,

and I wasn't calling anybody back or talking anybody because I felt you feel like a phony when you repeat the same thing over and over again, you know, because you, I talked to maybe four or five people, and that was it, because I didn't want to just repeat myself and have to, you know, because after you get the sensitized to it when you first tell what you're feeling it's real and then after five six times you're kind of reciting a place where I understand that but you do I mean I I was. I wasn't sad a matter at all but I was just I was wondering. Sad a matter at all, but I was just I was wondering. I was like, it's gonna be something up with him. Something some reasoning behind it. You know what I mean? Because you are I just forget one of my friends I figured I'd see you very soon. I would say I would speak to them. All right. Well, there you go. All right I mean we definitely would see each other, but I was wondering where was but you're right

It does it is something about it as you get older. It's I mean like I I To to go like even go to the wake, Collins mom's wake, I was like, I just can't do these. I can't do two. I can't go. I was telling them, first of all, I have a lot of holding back and you kind of hold it back for that moment. I think the wake or the funeral is that moment. More so the funeral, I would say when I don't, the wake to me is free. I don't really like wake. I don't like being there for four hours. Yeah. Because by the end of it, you are desensitized to what's going on. And as you get to see the person that freaks me out the church. I really once pick up a people go up

and say some stuff about that person, usually emotional and you go to cemetery. But do you know I went to Collins mother's funeral and they wouldn't let Colin give a eulogy. Yeah, they just didn't want them to start her through the California. They would they just they wouldn't let them do it. That's terrible. Why? They said that they don't they don't do it at that church. The pastor would let them do it. Yeah. Because I probably people have fucked that up. Yeah, but like, you know, advance it like read it, approve it something. People probably said yelled shit and said shit and flipped out You know something happened to where they were like what are doing that? You know, I mean it is crazy, but that's wild though. It's a funeral. Yeah, I think you're

Opportunity. Yeah. Yeah, it's a ridiculous. Yeah, he wanted to say yeah, he had something prepared He worked the night before on it had prepared and that morning like no the pastor won't allow it. What? It's crazy. Yeah. And he said he had a mustache like the Was that movie with Kevin Kevin James the mall one? Oh, Paul Blatt. Yeah, he had a Paul Blatt black mustache the priest. He did He did He had a hundred percent and he had a weird accent too. I couldn't figure out where it was from. Really? What kind of person who goes into the religion business doesn't like somebody's hey, I mean, it's supposed to be there to comfort. Yeah. Isn't it illegal for a priest to have a mustache? It really does look like that. That's just weird. I don't think that's

what I'm saying. I look like that. I'm like. He's like, that was the answer, but like, give me another piece. He looked like he smithers. Yeah. He really did. Resurrect. In the robe. It's just a munch-o. Because it's full of.

I'm so glad to be incredible. Oh, the rest. God help me. Yeah, the whole thing is a fucking weird, weird, you had a shit sit chiver, right? I didn't do it. Why? It's the same thing. I just, I just didn't do it. What did you do? I didn't, nothing. I just, I went out with my life. I, I, I, I did.

I don't like people telling me how I'm supposed to do it, you know, what did it, it's explained that because that's interesting to me. You don't like people telling you how to do what? Grieve? Yeah. It's like, did you cry when your dad died? Of course I cried. What am I? Of course I cry, but I'm like, mom, you are a little bit. I'll finish that sentence. I'll cry. And I grieve, but like I had to sit home and I just didn't want to do it. Yeah. Now, it is weird, the conventions that you have to go through grieving. And I think it is, the viewing is the weirdest one because it's like, those aren't even people, some of those people didn't make the cut for the funeral.

So it's like, these just weird, like acquaintances that you have to pretend you care about, you know, especially when you're grieving, you don't want to see some like guy that barely knows, you know. But the body thing and then the casket and then there's another chamber you have to buy. And then the hole and the digging and the thing. And it's a lot of money and a lot of stuff. And it's like, it's for something,

like if you went to church every Sunday, I would, okay, if you, but if you don't even practice the religion, and you have to be buried in that religion because I don't know, I don't get, I don't want to do that, and you have to be buried in that religion because I don't know, I don't get, I don't want to do that. I want to find it. I think I want an easy, I want to financially low responsibility on my death. I want, I don't know what it is, but I told Dawn today I want to find something that doesn't

smash her and the gut when I leave. Whether or a million, I mean, look, if I'm a multi-millionaire, I'm like, nine cents off. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna And I want those steps built. Yeah. But I want to pitch a gnome just like this. Who cares?

I don't care. I'm mildly annoyed. No. Yeah. Why do I have to come? So what? He died. Of course he did.

Look at him. What a shock. Oh my God. You really don't have to prod him too much. Yes, so I didn't, but actually, I think I played on stage the night that my father died. Really? Yeah. Did you find, was there, because it seems like for me, it's hitting me in

waves. Like I'm fine. Like my mom is, it's, it's, it's bad. It's really bad. You know, and I know for all of it, it was really bad too, you know, that's what gets me. Is that like I, you know, this is, this is your stepfather. No, yeah, yeah, stepfather. Does that matter? No, not really. I mean, that's a yes. Not really. He's been there for over 30 something years. Yeah, but we just talking about anything like we can really talk frankly on the show. It's my show. And it's your house. No, because, you know, I've had step relationships. And I don't know if it affects the same, basically, the same center of the brain that the actual birth relationship does.

It's a step, a step relationship at some point is just like a really, really, truly close relationship with someone who cares about you, which can be a devastating loss. Right. It is not your parent. I understand that, but for me, you know, on this, he is, when I look at things about me and Max and what a what type of father I am, he's played a part of that, a big part of that. Like the backyard stuff, the outdoor stuff, the, you know, build,

the way I treat, there's a lot of him in me that he gave me from when I wasn't receiving it, when I was drinking and being a punk, but he gave it to me anyways in it in his stuck. He really tried to be my dad at a time, like I told the story at the beginning of the podcast, he was almost a day short of being that, you know.

But then he, but he never gave up on me. I mean, he was, he was there countless times at the courthouse, countless times at the police station. He never, ever, ever, ever was not there for me when he shouldn't have been because he was, he stepped into this thing he stepped in to my life Exactly when I went bad up until then I was a really great kid You know, I just got that that abuse of fucking the middle and he stepped in right when I went south what ages up He's that guy stepped in it like kindergarten to fifth grade

and then he stepped in around sixth grade. And so he is, I understand what you're saying. And it's weird for me because he stepped out or dad, my, you know, I call him dad, you know, because, you know, he was, he was my dad, that's what I had. Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry, Nicholas, I have a step son and he calls me dad. And, but I don't know had. I mean, I'm sorry, Nicholas, I have a stepson and he calls me dad.

But I don't know that when I die, it will affect him the same way it's going to affect Mela and Manny and the other one. Yeah. Actually. I don't know. You know what? No, you got it. He's got a little bit.

He doesn't connect to the kid until they go dad. I love you. No, no. I really believe that, by the way, men don't connect right the kid until they go dad. I love you. No, no. I really believe that by the way, men don't connect right away to their children. It takes time. Well, I connect to the first one right away, because that's very emotional, but you're right. They're longer. Anyway, so, so, and so I would be, I mean, I won't be there to see it, I guess, but I

would not, it would not surprise me if it doesn't have quite the same, it not even won't be, it won't be really upset about it. But I don't know if it would, if you, if you hooked it up to like a machine that can measure the ball of different areas of the brain or the, I don't know who would be the same picture as it will be for the children that I'm actually their father. That's just my my how special about human nature. I mean, my baby brother and baby sister from the day they were born until and they still lived there. One of them still lives in the house. So, I mean, they were there every day and I went row, get fucking 13. I have been back really since. So, I mean, and I've lived in New York with my family, I mean, for 16, 17, 18, whatever the

fuck it is. So yeah, I mean, there was some type of separation, but you still, you know, he, he's inside of me, he gave Nicholas, whether you know it or not, there's things about you that you gave him that will reveal themselves later in his life, not now, but probably in his 40s, when he has a family, when things, when you have to, how am I going to do this? All of a sudden, stuff that you taught him is going to be in him and it's going to come out. It's just going to flower. Like when he doesn't call his good friend when you're here. Yeah.

Well, I got to, I got to, I got to feel mostly distant someday too, you know? Well, it's like in my head, in my head, I'm like, you know, I'm not going got a I got a mostly distant someday too, you know Well, it's like in my head And my head I'm like, you know, I'm not gonna I shouldn't call him Hey, no, what's up with you What happened Oh, Vegas, you know, I mean I got this Waiting for dad he never asked all right, Bob, gotta go. Literally, like, right down the street.

No, that's what Melissa, she was up here doing your podcast. That's why I came out because I wanted to see you, but I'm sorry. Well, no, you know, man, I think that, you know, the deal is you gotta go. That's the one deal and we've made it such a ceremonial thing. The only thing that's sucked about this one is that it, you know, it just happened like that.

When somebody's dying when they're in their 80s, when they're older, whenever that is, and you have that time and you see them kind of slip away, you kind of do it when someone goes in the hospital on a Sunday and they're gone Monday. And they're just not, that's the, it's a shock. You know, it's a fucked up thing.

You never have time to make peace with it. You don't know, it's not coming, and he's not supposed to go, it's 16, it's 16, it's a cure, you know what I mean? It's not supposed to happen. So that's the fucked up part about it. And I really, but, you know, I do think that everybody deals with, you know, grief or whatever people leaving in a certain way.

I have no problem with that. I don't have a, and he's absolutely right. How many times can you say the same fucking thing? And then you hear it from people too. Like I just, I care, my mom, my little system, a little brother, I give them, they're so, these two kids are so strong too, because my mom is a mess.

Like Ava was probably a mess when this happened, right? For a long time. She was impossible, yeah. I don't know if I was. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's a word that probably used off the podcast.

But literally underneath her, I think bed right here. So, maybe she was, she was, she's still a mess. Yeah. She's still a mess about a 10 years of 12, 13 years old. She wrote me such a beautiful little Instagram message to me personally. Really made me feel good. But that's Ava, okay, okay. No, I'm not saying like you, whisper.

Maybe you should big words for something positive. She writes it, tried to write that for anybody. The woman feels for the world. She knows what she does. I'm 100% sure. She wrote some de-stavages of his tooth. Yeah. Who's the morning?

Well, good. I'm glad that you came up. I'm glad that you do have emotions. I'm glad you said about Irish and guilt. I believe you now, Bobby. You will never forgive me. Irish guilt is way worse than Jewish guilt. Oh,, this is a real battle right? I really believe so. I mean, I know that Jewish mothers and have Irish mothers and way worse than fucking Jewish. Absolutely. I believe that full heartedly. I'm way worse. I think so. Way worse. My mother has shit on me. I mean, I'm like, what the fuck? And it's so subtle. Yeah. And we live with the Jewish I mean, I'm like, what the fuck? And it's so subtle. Yeah.

And we're gonna live with the Jewish mom. It's right in your face. I wish ones do it passive aggressively. It's a buildup. How you doing? All that's great. Oh, all right. Did you hear that Mrs. McGreevy?

Yeah, she passed. And then all of a sudden you're into some shit. Remember, you didn't do it. And it's like, what the fuck? Yeah. End of the conversation every time. I gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta go. All right, I'm just saying. I'm just, and it's like, what the fuck? Yeah. End of the conversation every time. I gotta go. I gotta go. Yeah.

I gotta go. All right. I'm just saying. I'm just, and it's like, you know, anyways. Um, all right. Well, there you go. I think that's a good one. Yeah. I think that was a good podcast. Um, we've learned a bunch of things.

Sure. We did. We learned that it's $4,000, $40, $42, $55. Who is the, give me this information. I would love to call any dentist. I don't trust them. I just, buddy, what do you know? Clearly, you miss the fuck you do.

You don't trust toothpaste. You don't trust toothpaste. No, it was actually, you know what? Don't even, don't say it. This is not the time I'm afraid. Yeah, all right. Correct. Not the time or place. I'm not saying say from where? I was saying, you'll never work here. You'll never.

I was working. He doesn't. Enough enough with me already. Yeah. I didn't bring it up. You can't open up for me. I let you get help him. He's not allowed to plug can open up for me. I let you get that help him. He's not allowed to plug a gig in another club.

Is that all you say? No. Different story. We'll talk about it later. I don't want to hear it. I do too. I quit. You're never going to work here.

It wasn't. I didn't say it was the fault of the place that I, let's say in theory that I had. Let's talk about your lack of dental hygiene before we start with this. The more she doesn't want you to say it, the more I really want to hear. I was I already had a fucked up tooth to begin with. I will say that it was black. It was it was it was it was old tooth. It was not looking good. Dead to and I had it and I had I was about to go to the dentist.

Yeah, he had the mouth of a lot. Listen, why are you changing? I want to hear why it is a big worker. Look at his tooth. I don't know. Yes. Good tooth. That one?

The brown one? Yeah. That's it. It's not a good tooth. You can get those bleached. You don't need to pull it out. Well, I cracked it. I was opening for Mark Norman here at the, he was at the fat black.

And I had free, my favorite wings in the city, by the way. Why can't you work? Why would you never work? Why does she say you're never going to work here? Oh no, because I cracked my tooth on a comedy-cellar chicken wing. That was the wing wing. That's how I lost two. That's still my, that clung my two.

Yeah, and he's, he's, he's been trying to play. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's actually looking at a third of you going on right now. He's showing you a $4,055. For the new tooth. Or all of Ian's spots. going on right now. We're showing you for $4,055. For the new tip.

Or all of Ian's spots. You know what? Yeah. Whichever works better. Everybody's mad at Ian. Everybody's mad at Ian. He got in. Ian's been in the city for two weeks. I didn't get to know.

Nikki Glazer. I've recommended him. Yeah. Who's going to recommend Stavvy? I'll recommend him right now. Thank you. To Estee. No, to no.

I'm not using my club club for the Estee. Really, that's. That's fat. That's fat. Of course. After you get your tooth fixed, we should have. I wasn't. I wasn't.

I wasn't. Stop. Oh, you guys. Of course. Let's, let's go to known first comedy seller Vegas. Go there. We're promoting this. Look at this line up this week.

Now here's a, this is, this is the comedy seller Vegas, the only club in Vegas to ever do this. This what happens in Vegas. They get a crappy, I mean, just, you know, I'm sorry, but that's it. A middle act that is selling more merch than fucking a scene on TV. And then they get an okay headline to come in. And some of them are great. Some of them are okay. This will comedy sell those.

They get the lineup at the seller in New York City, okay? The best, and they send it out to Vegas. Look at this right now. You got MC, Mark Cohen, every, there, every week. He banged Sarah Silverman. Oh, I'm sorry, that's not what it says. It says he was on the Sarah Silverman show. I'm sorry.

I'm gonna say who didn't? Yeah. Stop roast. He's working on it. I'm sorry. I'm going to say who didn't. Stavros. He's working on it. I need a bad generation. Dan Maderman, Kathleen Dunbar, Rocky Dale Davis and Owen Smith are there this week. It is an amazing show. They replicate.

They got it the room. They got rid of it and they replicated the the village underground. They made it the same way the sound the ceilings the stage it is the hottest room in Vegas. It's the hottest room Vegas will ever see you don't believe me go and see a show that time. Unbelievable. I can a book me back there. I got to go. We got to get Colin. We got to get Colin, Keith, and Voss and Norton. Oh, that'd be great. We should do that.

Well, we get Stavros. Let's get Stavros there. Can we book Stavros? Absolutely. Let's get Stavros there. Stavros and Ian, whoever does better. It'll be like survivor. Go right now.

One stays in Vegas. One comes home. Whoever does better. It'll be like survivor. So go go right now. One stays in Vegas one comes home. Comedy seller Vegas right now. Go there and also go to my Patreon. You guys have that? No, of course not. Robert, patreon.com slash Robert Kelly.

No, what you a podcast. Live at the table. Live at the table and live from America. How was it? How was that going? Why did you why did you At the table and live from America. How was it? How was that going? Why did you why did you shake it on live from America? No, I didn't mean to. What how is how's my podcast going?

Yeah, how's it? What was the last guest you had on the last guest was dolly O'Lithwick, the slate magazine, head legal legal correspondent. What happened? What was what was she on for? It was good. We were talking about, you know, stuff going on in the in the news legal issues. Yeah

What about the Louis stuff is that stuff over now? I you know there's always a new Google alert comes up my phone No mention about Louis the company seller. Yes, some actress just said something about it Yeah, about and the the people that let him on was responsible for, it was kind of through you under the bus. Not you. The gatekeepers need to be held accountable.

The gatekeepers, what is the gatekeeper? What the fuck is that? I don't know. And each excuse kind of fades away. Like at first, as we remember, there was a community where it's too silly, it should have waited a year. Remember, remember, remember, okay, it's been a year now. Like, okay, he started early, but so I guess now it's here. No, they're not going

to stop. And then it was that you can't, you can't ambush people. You need to put them on the lineup. So put them on the lineup. And of course, they got the protest. One, one, one, two, well, two, but really one, two, but a lot of bad press. Yeah, a lot of bad press. Well, they fake, they, I mean, you know, it's so funny. People, it's, Trump says fake news, fake news. And people like, that's bullshit. It really is. News is garbage.

It is fucking, you know what, I watch the other night, local news. It was, I was like, wow, that's just what happened today. It was so down the middle. No, no opinions, no nothing. There was a fire on Broad Street. And Mark, yeah, the most local news. Yeah, the snow, and the Celtics one. And that was it.

Right. It's like news is garbage now. Fucking garbage. So so is he coming back down? Is he is he still? Is he been in lately? Or is he? Yeah, he comes like three, three,

just three, four sets a week. No, at least. She's excited. Why? You saw Louis talking to the microphone. We're on a podcast. What do you think? I have to see. Oh, really? Do you know what specific? Let's give you a head. Really? It was great. It was so good. Was it funny? Oh, yeah. It was funny. It was like beaming coming off stage. It was great. Really? When was this? Um, recently or last couple days?

A few days ago. Monday, some time ago. He already has some very good sets this week. Yeah, he did. He was a good sets this week. He's a great comedian. Yeah, I'm not all new. He's great.

I really think he's great. It's some new and some old. He's reworking some old stuff. Yeah. New stuff. That's awesome. What was it? Monday, but today, Monday he had even like really new like right out of

the notebook stuff that I had never heard. I'm going to actually spread a rumor that he's stealing my jokes. And that's how I'm going to become famous. But we got we have like, I don't know, 10 people a week walk out. Probably. Yeah, at the show. Yeah. Yeah.

When he goes on, you know, it's interesting because the policy is that you can leave, right? So if we put them on last, people are more likely to leave because they've already seen the show like games. If we put them on like third, people, they, they, they grin and bear it and then they stay for the whole show. I love it if it was the same fat 10 people every week, just eating all kinds of food and chicken. When we put them on the line up, well wait, I have to say, but there is one thing that's happened more than once and it's the best.

Oh, God. Which is the women leave and their boyfriend stay. Yeah. That's real. Imagine that. Or the women are outside. Furious. And their boyfriend's are like,

we, I'm fiving each other. We need a camera outside. We need to collect videotapes of her and her phone going, no, he's in there right now. No, mom, I said, let's leave. And he said now, I can't leave. He's my right help. Can you imagine, I mean, can you imagine?

Oh, the fight that night on there. Is there anything better as a standup comic when that happened when you're on stage and you see her just get up and him stay. Is there anything better when she's not laughing and he's scarily laughing and he keeps nudging her. Come on. And she's like, get off me. Missed me. Yep. Oh, make it. And you know, there's so much there's so much misinformation about the whole Louis thing out there. And I had this urge. I want to correct it all the time. It's just disgusting. They write these journalists, they want to graduate school. They're and they have no respect for precision, like little adjectives, you know,

whether there was consent, wasn't consent. What he admitted to doing, what he didn't admit to doing, they just, they don't give a shit. It's all about clicks. It's all about clicks now. It's all about getting clicks. You put in a little thing up. Look, you give, I told you, we, we did that with Voss one night. Oh, that was amazing. When Nikki Glazer went up and, you know, she's dirty, whatever, very funny. She goes up and murders, just murders in front of this very young crowd. A lot of young girls. It was the last, it was a show on a weekend in our underground. Table of girls buckled over it. Just, just, just come in the throat. I was hilarious. Vosko's up. He's not even that dirty. Me and Keith sat on one side

of the room. He sat on them and going, aww. Turned the entire room. He is telling me, listen, me and Liz were over and the thing it was unbelievable. A table of girls one of the girls looked at us and went, why is he doing this? So many of the back of the room went, what's happening? It was it was a mind-fuck. Yeah, really? Me and Keith did it. We turned the whole room on him. The best was when you two split up and Keith was on one side of the room.

You were on the other. We got the whole crowd just go, no, every, why is he very dirty? I was mildly offensive. We go, oh, have you watched this guy Darren Brown on Netflix? No. Oh my God. What is it? It's this. I can't tell you. Don't listen. Darren Brown, Netflix, DeRin. DeRin. DeRin. Everybody gets star struck around you. Why? Um, I wish my wife wouldn't do it. Anyway, um, want to try some pickling with, so this is the push.

So this guy, he started as a magician and he did his hair. And he does these specials where there's like, there's one subject and everyone else in the whole scenario is an actor, like 60, 70 people. Very, very elaborate. Functions with speakers and waiters and waitresses and cooks and everybody's an actor. And there's one guy that is the subject. And in the end, in this one, the push,

they see whether they can get an average everyday person to commit murder. Oh, shit. To commit murder. I bet you they can, right? I don't want to give it away. Why? We don't care.

You really want me to spoil it? Well, it's not a spoil. I owe them three. I owe them three out of four people. Actually, push somebody off a rooftop. Yeah. Thinking they're killing them. Well, isn't that that's yeah, you have to, it doesn't even know I've spoiled for you, just so it is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. Well, you didn't spell because we don't know how they got them to do it.

Yeah, you have to watch this. Well, there's that famous psychological experiment the with the milk room. Yeah, yeah, the milkroom where it's like they get people to just, basically they would rather not a person they know be a little annoyed at them, then just kill a person they don't know. It's like they're shocking people. It's crazy. And then he does another one, which is the kind of answer where he gets a kind of a big ited guy who was really like a Trump anti-immigrant guy to see if they can,

they can see if he can, he'll take a bullet for a Mexican. So that's like two sides of it. So no, they can see if he can, he'll take a bullet for a Mexican. So, so this like two sides of it. So no, they won't. But I'm sorry to spoil it. I haven't seen it, but no for five years. Yeah. But the one, he shoots the Mexican, he pulls out a gun and actually shoots himself every time. Yeah. It's the walls in his body. Literally goes to Home Depot. They're all doing a fence around him. The taking the bullet one is less compelling, although there is one scene there where he

starts crying, which is pretty stays with you. But when you're seeing so many push the person off a rooftop. Wow. Wow. Every day person. It's funny that they can do that with one little article, one little paragraph, can set a bunch of people down a fucking road and they don't even know what they're doing. I've been watching a lot of where people are protesting and someone will walk up to

them and go, do you know why are you doing this? And they ask me a bunch of questions and they're like, yeah, we don't we don't. We don't. And they they want to go. Oh, well, maybe I shouldn't. One lady. There was this, you know, Penn and Teller did that thing bullshit. Yeah. And they went to a college. And they were protesting. It was another name for water, but it wasn't H2O or something else. Some other fucking crazy thing that you would not know that that way. They're like, we're trying to ban this from the student facilities. How do you do in Monox?

It's in everything. It's in our schools. It's in our workplace. And they could do, we signed this. Every single one was absolutely, we shouldn't have that. And it was water. These fucking idiots have no clue of, they just hear something and they're like,

you shouldn't do it and they're like, yeah, we'll ban that. We'll just jump on that. And now the whole fucking world's like that. And then my dad's dead. That's not all my friends care. But most of them didn't. One didn't.

This is part of one of the things I'm thinking about all the time now is that we are teaching people how to react to things where they wouldn't necessarily react that way. We know they wouldn't react that way on their own, like even with the sexual stuff, like people knew exactly what Roman Polanski did. People knew exactly what Clinton did and they didn't react that way. So when when a normal Donald got in trouble and then remember they disinvited him tonight show. Yeah.

And and in the story Jimmy Fallon goes into the dressing room and says, listen, you know, people on my staff are crying, they're crying and I can't put you on. And it occurred to me then that when Michael Richards had used the N word N word N word N word. Now he was a guy who actually did it. Normal Donald had just kind of said something in kind of defending Louis. Michael Richards went on the Letterman show two days after he attacked somebody with the N word. Nobody in Letterman's staff started crying. Yeah. Because nobody told this supposed to. Yeah. So they were so they were able to handle it. Yeah. This guy did this bad thing. But with with

normal Donald, because he had said something kind of positive about Louis and because they've been sure. Now they're and the tears are real. That's the thing. They really are crying. They're really feeling that emotion. But do you think that trained? Don't you think that's bad parenting at some point where your parents didn't prepare you correctly for the way the world is? We're I mean, deeper than this is the internet and Twitter and society and colleges and it's a, I mean, like Max will cry for no, we don't allow him to cry for no reason. We don't allow him to use tears.

You cry when something, you're hurt or something happens that makes you feel sad. He is no cry. And I, but I see some parents consoling them all. It's like, wait a minute, stop. No, you don't get to do that. I mean, don't you think these helicopter parents and all this stuff where you're not letting your kid have fear or fall or get hurt or go through something

and realize what it really is? Don't you think that that has something to do with this generation? Yeah, it does, but there's something else going on. That's, I think beyond that, it's just kind of a brainwashing everywhere. But the majority of the people don't aren't like that. Let's be honest.

No, no, no. It's a very small percentage of people that are crying for things like that when they shouldn't be. The fact that they were responding to it now is ridiculous. The fact that GM meeting go, all right, enough, you got to grow up, stop it. That actually, that these people actually have power is crazy. That's what that's what offends me is. Okay, it upsets you. Since when did something upsetting mean that you get to censure? Shut it. Yeah, that's it. That's the veto. I he cried. So therefore, this is down the memory hole. We're not, we're not going to get to hear what

normal Donald has to say anymore. That's it. We're not interested anymore. Somebody cried. It's very, very, very, it's funny too, because you bring up like sexual stuff and then you bring up Clinton, like we, I said, my mother, my mother would have gave JFK hand job in church. my mother, my mother would have gave JFK hand job in church. It doesn't even matter. I would still, he's the sweetest guy ever and God bless Camelot, you know, that still exists. I just wanted Kennedy killed the woman. I just saw Tapa Quaid last night. That's insane. I saw the movie last night. It doesn't mean one so- It was shit, but there is, there is an, that part of it, and I think you're right in terms of people. He didn't kill a one just to be fair,

but he'll let her die, yeah. Yeah, he's sort of the stuff. I thought a thing. He'll learn it. And even that may be unfair to him because he might, you know, I don't know, I don't know. I thought you was dead, but whatever he did, he grew up on the cape, he couldn't even check.

But I will tell you this, but it kind of just make what I think is, just because I just decided to be precise about it. But I think that of what I think is just because I've just said to be precise about it, but I think that if what Kennedy did is if is the kind of thing that people would expect Donald Trump to do and they hate Donald Trump for it, yet they still adore Ted Kennedy. They will not affect. Well, there is there is an element of, I mean, norms have changed. I think if Roman Polanski did what he did now, no, no, the norms didn't change.

You were never allowed to have sex with a 12 year old girl. Every rock star was fucking like children and shit like that. Yeah, but rock star was cool. Yeah, but nobody get no rock stars have come under fire at all. But why? Because they're not around it. That should, you know, I wouldn't talk, but they're still getting head to get backstage from 12 year olds.

Not 12. Jimmy Page is like dating like a, you know, but rock stars is still me towing women. You don't think that that's still happening? Yeah, but it's become it now. They're getting called out for it. They're not what what rock stars got. I don't know.

I mean, that's what we're talking about right now. Is it not people get are under fire? Because they're calling out, they're calling out ugly men. Hold up. Norris may have changed since the 1960s when rocks, the Beale, Elvis was sleeping with the force, you know what I'm not sure about that, but it was only like five years ago. They were getting along in Polanski standing over there. Yeah, that's true. I mean, Norm's

about changed. Well, I mean, fucking Bill Clinton had rape charges against him. I mean, they never stuck out there. But he had, they were again. And no one, you can't bring him that, you can't bring it up because it just, like, no, that doesn't matter. They bring it up now, but still he went somewhere recently with some Broadway show or something and he got standing ovation. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I want one rape and two like physical one rape to assault. I think there's three accusations I know about about Bill Clinton that we could actually be a prosecutable and we get jail time. And and and yet Louis is the one everybody's fucking worried about. Can I jerk off in front of you? No. Okay. Sorry. Take his life away. Bill Clinton. Hold that bitch down. Tell him a wife to shut up. Get me a hamburger. I want to eat a hamburger over this bitch while she pickles me. Let's go. What do you got, Stavros? What do I have? I'm at the movie theater on Long

Island. Let's watch the store. He's on. Yeah. The cinema arts center. The cinema art center. November 30th come out to that. Then I'm at the DC Draft House next weekend. The seventh and eighth. Please buy tickets to that. And then I'm going to Indian apolis, Columbus, Cincinnati, Cleveland. Now Cleveland, maybe not Bobby might be taken. All right. Bobby, you're not doing

the San Francisco Comedy Seller with Lewis Gomez. Are you? I am not. Because what the fuck is going on with that? What is it? No, Google Lewis Gomez, a comedy seller San Francisco comedy seller with Lewis Gomez. Are you? I am not. Because I'm going to fuck is going on with that. What is it? No Google lose Gomez. A comedy seller. San Francisco. I just saw some there's a comedy seller in San Francisco. Somebody's using that name. I my lawyer is already we're on it. We're on it. I hope they have to cancel his date. Well, I guess that. Okay.

Oh, make me so happy if they have to shut it down. Where? Yeah, San Francisco comedy seller presents. have to shut it down where Yeah, the same was just a comedy seller presents what Is it the same lettering? Where is it scroll down? Oh My god, yeah, wow, you see seller somewhere else here right here. Yeah comedy seller right there. Yeah, it's just go comedy. So Click it What happened? Oh there's a comment. Oh, what the fuck? Yeah, clickar what the fuck what the fuck yeah, I love the next to this is kind of the same logos to look at that The San Francisco comedy seller Wow

Think they're gonna get away with it. I'm apparently they do and the same brick wall Wow We have a federal trademark Robert. Wow. I will not be playing there. I'm playing at barbecue restaurant in Columbus. Yeah. Yeah.

I'll be a P-Can of pennies. Yeah. He's a piece of man. He can't. Unless you need to send an email to all the comedians. Anybody plays at that club? They will not play at the commons, tell her unless they're famous.

No. I'm not. I'm not. Got it. At least he's honest. Capitalism, baby. They will not play the commis seller unless they're famous At least he's honest He's a trans transparant star fucker I mean, that looks horrible. Do they have flowers scroll down? Let's see the thing. Yeah, click on that. Scroll.

Exactly the same as a column. Wow, except Louis Gomez is there. You're the same. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right, let's just go. Robert Kelly, a Patreon people at patreon.com slash Robert Kelly, thank you for being a member and thank you. We have a new life from the shed coming up. No one was alive from the shed. That was fun. Would you have fun doing that? A lot of fun. It was good, man.

Your episode was awesome. In his episodes up there right now, go become a member. It's a price of a cup of coffee you son of a guns. And go up there right now, patreon.com.com. That's Robert Kelly. I think, no, I talked to you about it. We're gonna be moving in the winter time, live from the shed, live from the pussycat.

Oh great. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I talked to you about that. We're gonna do it during the day, up in the pussycat, up in the back there. We're gonna, I already got the day up in the pussycat up in the back there. I already got a couple of guests lined up. So we got to look at dates. We're going to look at date. Well, let's be during the day. So it'll be fine. We should do it the same dates that you're doing the lounge. Yeah. Well, I actually want to let some people come down and sit in

on it. Nice. Yeah. I want to fix this studio up better. Yeah, I Say we I got a whole I drew out a whole plan for this studio You want to see it? I'll send it to you. Sure. We should get coffee next week and we'll I have a plan You tell me what you can adjust it to where you want, but I think so and we have a we have a big announcement coming for this too We got a new we might have a new partner jumping in on Priacast. Oh, long great. So Yeah, that's we got a big things coming for riot cast this year. We're gonna actually get rid of whatever this is This is the black hole to another universe. I don't know what the fuck that is. What is that?

There is a leak. There's a leak So they solved it by making a big trash bag. That's a funnel. Yeah, it fits water, and then we get to drink from that water. We make all the coffee from the right cast with the water. The homeless. The homeless. We actually take that and the women that leave their boyfriends from Louis show, we funnel

that down at pours on them. We wet them like cats. Oh, weird. Mike, what do you got? December 6th, the improv in San Antonio for their last show before they close. And I'll be at the last. Close in. Yeah, the using improv bought them.

That's why I'm happy. Even not even competitors like yeah. Yeah, they're taking over the both clubs there and so no one can keep one open. All yeah. Okay. Yeah, they're taking over the boat club there and so no one can keep one open. All right, cool. And I'll be at the laugh out loud in San Antonio. And you're with me next week.

Yes, next Sunday at Lucy's laugh lounge. Lucy's laugh lounge. We're in there. Yeah, it's a remake for the gig I had to cancel. Right. I had to cancel a lot of gigs. I need money. I had to cancel a lot of gigs the last couple weeks.

I mean, I'm not allowed in San Antonio for New Year's Eve. So that's there was 15 minutes away, 10 minutes away from the house. Yeah, that's why I took it. It's a mess a little room. Yeah. And then, uh, yeah, this, I'm at the, uh, where am I this week? You're the pussy cat tonight. Tonight, pussy cat tonight. And then we got comedy connection Friday, Thursday. I had a cancel because of the wake. So I won't be there So the Friday and Saturday I will be at the comedy connection and then Lucy's last sounds in Pleasantville That's a makeup show and then the fat black pussy got again and then America's the Thursday December 6th through the Eighth. I'm gonna be at the actually six yet through the eighth. I'll be the comedy American comedy club

San Diego. It's a really nice club and then laugh it up up in yonkers, Pekipsi actually and then yonkers. I'm kind of standing around and then Spokane. I'm going to be there. Spokane into coma for for new years week. So make sure you go to robbercadalive.com, go to patreon.com. That's right. Tell me please. Do you do you plug these shows at the beginning of your podcast? I sometimes do. Yeah, because I learned something, you know, since we have this TV show now. Yeah, that there's oh, yeah, comedy seller.

No, I don't want to plug that. I want to plug. I want to plug. One of the most washed stats is a fall off. I know what percentage of people stay with you to the end. Nobody hears these. And yeah, I do mind last. Yeah, you should really. I get what percentage people stay with you to the end. Nobody hears these. And yeah. I do my last. Yeah, you should really.

But here's what we do with first. Can I just say something though? The reason why I do this is that the end people who know this podcast, I go in, then if you notice, we did his dates, but then we went and the whole thing about Louis, I go, I, I do this intentionally. I go in and out. So we'll go being and then I'll go to you and then and I introduce the guest that way too. So we'll go to you and then we'll go off for 10, 15 minutes and then I'll go to somebody

else. And then, you know, sometimes I don't even make it like today we didn't even introduce Liz. We just put the hand. But everybody knows you. But at the end, I go, but you're right. If you leave at the end of the dates, you're stupid because usually we just had an amazing conversation with you about we went from the comedy celivagus to all the stuff about Louis

and then we go to you and then you know and then went to me. But you're right, we should do it at the beginning. At least mine guys. The guest who gives a shit. I wish you should just like put that in before. Yeah. And what do you got? You can follow me on all social media at my cabrurcy and I have a podcast called a little time and you can listen to that. I'm going to put the on social media the link to the obituary. And if you want to send flowers or whatever, not you guys. It wasn't flowers. It was donation to the kidney foundation. Donations to the kidney foundation because my sister still needs a kidney. Leicester's kidney.com is up right now with

information. We had Kurt Iverson, my web guy made that. So if you want to find out if you can donate a kidney, or find out, you know, even spread the word. So you never know who's out there. You know, we keep spreading the word about that. Somebody might be able to do it. There she is right there. I will, we're going to change that photo out a little bit. She makes a little mad.

I will, we're gonna change that photo out a little bit. It makes a little mad. The, but back what do you got besides purple hair and a great personality? Oh, thanks. I'm at human places. The eases three feel like comedy photos on Insta. You're the best good to see you. Zach.

What, uh, Zach the new guy. Zach, you know, you're talking on the podcast. I heard Yeah, he's not good awesome on other podcasts He's only said these words Zach the new guy For years on my podcast I hear he's another podcast. He's fucking I love Zach. I love him. What do you mean you love him? He talks on your show. He's a cool guy.

Yeah. That's the only time. He's gonna say anything else. Oh my God. Yoom calls Zach a lot just to talk to him. Oh my God. Wow. He was going to do something.

Oh my God. We're back to normal. Fucking mornings over. Back to fucking. Fuck. We're back to normal fucking mornings over Fuckin I'll see you guys next week. Get the best fans of the world. You know what did You've been listening to the YKWD podcast

Thanks for listening Now go back to your shitty jobs Thank you for listening. You you