Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Pool Park | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #15

Starting point is 00:00:00 You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Here we go everybody, hey what's up everybody, we're back it's the regs, Joliss, Dance Soda, Lewis, Jay, Gomez, in the house, We're here to say, we'll get all the other podcasts away, I'm Bobby K, Danny, Danny, Danny, what you got? Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho, ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho Job machines. Oh blows sexual terminators. We got auto blows. Everybody's got one who's taking theirs with them didn't uh, didn't Hey, I got this is not my topic but guess who I just saw downstairs walking you one topic this is it Anderson Cooper That's not your topic. This is topic. I forgot that I said it a second

Starting point is 00:01:22 Anderson Cooper. Yeah, he lives that, you know where he lives, right? In the firehouse. I don't know where he lives. In the firehouse, right? Where Boston comedy used to be. That's haunted, supposedly. Nice. A fireman hung himself.

Starting point is 00:01:32 Don't dox him. Give out his address. Yeah, right? Everybody knows. Well, you can Google it. Nobody knows. He has his name on the front. No.

Starting point is 00:01:40 It says Anderson Coop. But did you know that supposedly- The Anderson Coop? That supposedly haunted that building from years ago. Haunted with jizz. Yeah, because he's gay. No, because I came That supposedly haunted that building. Haunted with jizz. Yeah, because he's gay. No, because I came a lot in that film. Do you think ghosts hate when gay guys move in?

Starting point is 00:01:51 They go, oh man, I gotta watch this? Yeah. Look, so much. You're gonna fuck him in his butt. As he's fucking guiding you. Ew. Ew. Bobby had one we yelled over. He yelled over it, it's all right father. I said again. We'll edit it. We'll make it good as

Starting point is 00:02:12 As I gotta get into it. Yeah, let's do He sees it go in the guy's ass he goes boo There you go You want to do what cuz he did did. Oh, I did goo. And he did boo. Do you want to gas already? Yes. What if they were fat? Oh, I miss they go moo. All right, guys. So that does it for your time listening to our podcast. Or if they're Israeli gays, he could say, you chickened out. No, it was a misdirect. No, it wasn't everyone. I was going to say Joe, but then I I misdirected Yeah, you misdirected the funny. I'm gonna ASR mouth you

Starting point is 00:02:49 My son listens to ASMR. I hate it. I'm angry. It's the weirdest shit ever dude. What is ASMR? It's like sounds It'll be a person just like People hate oh, I know they hate if you don't like it you hate it People are mad right now. Listen to this podcast, people are mad at Louis. But ASMR you can also do with like a voice. It's kinda like when someone talks like this. There's actually a girl on Instagram that does it

Starting point is 00:03:14 and she'll talk to you. She does everything every day like, hey, how are you? My son like when he goes to bed, I catch him with his phone to his ear like he's watching porn. Just yeah, and then he listens to it as he goes to sleep. It relaxes him.

Starting point is 00:03:26 Really? I listen to rain when I go to sleep. I listen to, it's called Airplane Cabin. You want to hear it? Yeah, I do. Airplane Cabin. Just a black lady screaming. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:03:36 You want to get me off this fucking plane, motherfucker. Motherfucker, kick my seat again. You have to sit down. You have to sit down. We cannot take off until you sit down. Touch me, bitch. Is that nice? This is your captain,

Starting point is 00:03:49 just wanna let you know that we have experienced turbulence and we are gonna be crashing. That's what you listen to when you go to sleep? Call your loved ones. They gotta laugh, dude. No, it did not. They laugh. They don't count as morons.

Starting point is 00:04:00 You can't count, Max. Watch this, Max, you're a fucking idiot. I got two laughs. They're fucking idiots. They as morons. You can't count, Max. Watch this, Max, you're a fucking idiot. I got two left. They're fucking idiots. They're morons. No, I don't listen to anything when I sleep now. No, it's not good. See, don't listen to things.

Starting point is 00:04:12 Not listening. I used to, when I was younger though, I remember me and my friend James, we had a rain CD and every day after school we would come home and it was almost borderline gay. We'd put the rain CD on and we would sit on the couch and fall asleep together, listening to the sound of the, but it wasn't just rain. It was thunderstorms and piano music. How old were you? 13.

Starting point is 00:04:33 That's gay. That is gay. That is gay, because it was a CD. But no, there was piano music too. So, oh, Louis, he's got a warm cup of tea. Louis, put on the CD. It was like, oh, straight up white trash household. We lived in the fucking hood,

Starting point is 00:04:49 Railroad Avenue was so trashy. And this kid, and he was kind of a fucking, he was a tough kid. Like we just- You guys, wait a minute. He was a tough kid. You and a tough kid would pull the blankets up and listen to a rain CD with your kid?

Starting point is 00:05:00 There's so many kids that you beat up that would have loved to have known that. They go, I got my life tormented Counting the change they took off the nerds No, no What look up a YouTube video well, we had had the whole class would make rain and oh, I know it's like when um, It's like when William Stevenson used to have the cloud crap, clap crap. Is that like Sherrod doing the helicopter?

Starting point is 00:05:27 Yeah. Or, but remember William Stevenson would go, now slow your claps down, slow your claps down. It sounds like bacon frying in a pan and it did. What is this? Okay, people making rain sounds. I think we can do this. Let's see.

Starting point is 00:05:40 Maybe do a volume this time, because it's the sound. They didn't start doing it yet. No, I think they're doing something. No, they're doing it. Yeah, that's the thing, because it's the sound. They didn't start doing it yet. No, I think they're doing something. No, they're doing it. Yeah, that's the thing. Yeah, see, that's the first thing. Guys, hold on.

Starting point is 00:05:50 Put the fucking sound on. It is. It's all stupid. It starts out quiet, you fucking idiot. You know what would be great? If they start doing it, Louis just immediately falls asleep, like in Ablobian. He starts shirking.

Starting point is 00:06:00 With a heart on. Yeah, with my, it's a grabbing dance dick. Hey, Louis, what are you doing? You're mauling me. Louis, stop mauling me. Wait, there was no volume on that, hold on. There is, listen. Guys, stop making noise.

Starting point is 00:06:18 Yeah, we need 50 people to do this. It also doesn't sound like rain. It does. It sounds like a bunch of people snapping their dumb fingers also doesn't sound like rain. It does. It sounds like a bunch of people snapping their dumb fingers. Does it sound like you're gay, Rain? Yeah, dude. Why are you snapping? Where's the guys moaning?

Starting point is 00:06:33 Oh, fuck. Louis is like, I'll snap later in the show. And I fucking scream that someone's a. That's good. That was good work, gentlemen. All right, guys, it sucks. It's also not my topic. That's your topic.

Starting point is 00:06:46 ASMR rain is Joe's topic. It's not your topic. Boo. Did you guys see that comic that got fucking peed up on stage? It's not my topic. Spanish guy, right? This guy, he said that this guy's kid was gonna fuck black dudes when he grew up.

Starting point is 00:07:07 This right wing, Danny, what is it again? Danny knows the exact thing. There was a right wing guy that posted a picture of his baby and said, I hope he's never gay. And then this comment commented on it saying, your baby's gonna grow up and suck all the black cocks. And then the guy came to his show and punched him. No, but tell him the whole thing.

Starting point is 00:07:23 He said, I hope your baby grows up, sucks all the black cocks and then the guy came to his show and punched him. No, but tell them the whole thing. He said, I hope your baby grows up, sucks all the black cocks and not like athlete black locks, like the bad black cocks. And the guy drove eight hours. Can we never have an experiment in Danny giving us information on microphone again? That was, we could have just, we could have read it and had our own version of it

Starting point is 00:07:41 and not had him be on microphone for as long as he goes. The sexual tension between you and Danny. It's how me and Danny have done. That's unbelievable. I'm not sexually attracted. He's actually saying it's not now too. If we had to fuck any of the staff members, not including Natalie, which one would you fuck?

Starting point is 00:07:53 Is that your topic? No, obviously it's not my topic. It feels like a topic. It sounds like a topic. It's a topic, it's not my topic. It's yours. It's coming out of you. It's a topic.

Starting point is 00:08:01 It's a good topic. I got a good topic. I mean, that was a good topic. That's a great topic. That's also a great topic. You know what, save that topic. Let's a good topic. I got a good topic. I mean, that was a good topic. That's also a great topic. You know what? Save that topic. Let's have that. Guys, we don't just discuss our singular topics. We go to the topics at one point. It feels like your topic. It sounds like your topic. Guys, I would kind of like to discuss who we'd like to butt fuck out of these fucking retards in the booth. That's a topic. That's a great topic, but I'm just

Starting point is 00:08:24 saying that I'm not... Dan, do you want that topic? I'll a topic. That's a great topic, but I'm just saying that I'm not Dan Do you want that topic? I'll take it's not my topic. I'll take it you want to take a you know, it's not my topic Oh I think we've said not my topic at least 30 times you're playing a drink episode today It's not my topic and don't play a drinking game called not my topic or you'll die I so this guy drove eight hours to beat the fuck- To fight the blue meanie? To beat the fuck out of this guy.

Starting point is 00:08:48 Play it. Oh, shitty punch, by the way. Oh, yeah. Hey. Oh, that's so funny. Did someone translate this? It's on the screen. He's going to eat cock? It's on the screen.

Starting point is 00:09:06 He's going to eat cock when he's three months old. I didn't think when he was three months old. That guy's in a bad fighting position. That's actually not a fighting position. Please don't hurt me. That's what you do when a grizzly bear shows up. It's also really funny because he almost looks quasi relaxed. I love that there's a chair in the corner, though.

Starting point is 00:09:24 I'm just a father defending his children, he's saying for the audio listeners. He made sexualizing comments about my three-month-old son. I like how long it took Lewis to realize we do need to translate it. Yeah, we do. So... This guy is actually nice for taking pity on him by just slapping him. Because obviously he could have. He drove eight hours for that.

Starting point is 00:09:46 He actually drove eight hours? He drove eight hours to do that. That's also retarded. Look, there's a couple things here. I'm a comic, hour three you go, what am I doing? He could have flown one hour. You're a comic and you have a son. Yeah, so is that like.

Starting point is 00:09:58 And you say mean shit on the internet. Exactly, so I mean, look, jokes are jokes. You know, it is what it is. People say mean shit about my son. If I tried to fight every person who says mean things about my son. If I tried to fight every person who says mean things about my son. You'd be like Vin Diesel. 400 fights.

Starting point is 00:10:10 Not Vin Diesel, what's his name? I don't know. Wow. Wow, that's dumb. It would be funny if we couldn't. What was it, what's his name? I don't know, but that was fucking me. If we couldn't do a regs,

Starting point is 00:10:19 because they were like, no, Lewis is driving 14 hours to Iowa to fight a guy. But it's like, yeah, just maybe James is gonna top dance. I mean, he's like, no, Lewis is driving 14 hours to Iowa to fight a guy. But it's like, yeah, maybe James is gonna tap dance. I mean, he said he's a right wing political guy? He just said, the guy said on the end, if I caught my son being gay, what'd he say? Oh, I can't go to the end.

Starting point is 00:10:37 He said, I'm gonna do everything I can for my son not to be gay. Yeah, he just doesn't want his kid to be gay. And this guy was like, I hope he sucks all the black cocks and not the good ones, but the athlete's dirty fucking cocks, whatever that means. Like Keith Robinson cock. This is the problem with being a commit.

Starting point is 00:10:52 You can't get too crazy because people know where you are at all times. Yeah, yes. But most people are pussies. Most people aren't showing up to fight you. In a smart sweater. I mean, to have somebody actually confront a troll fuck that thought he would never,

Starting point is 00:11:09 ever have that happen, there is a part of me that's like, fuck you. Yeah, you wanna see people. Because he's a fucking piece of shit. He's tough talking on the internet and a guy actually showed up, which is a kind of cool consequence for some pussy. Fuckin' around and fucking around and firing out.

Starting point is 00:11:24 If he was like, fuck you, I was joking, and in his face back, I'd be like, all right, he meant what he said. He didn't mean, he was just being a pussy, said it, didn't think anything was gonna happen, and then something happened. Is it the context is like a comedian who's somewhat well known, went after a somewhat

Starting point is 00:11:39 well known political figure who is a conservative guy who's like gay bashing. So, I don't know, this is just sort of all like, these are public personalities. It's not like, you shouldn't punch people for fucking making jokes. Eight hours is too long. But here's the thing, it's a guy on the internet.

Starting point is 00:11:54 It's not, he's not a comic. This guy is just saying, all right, this is my belief. Some people don't believe in fortune. No, I think he has a public persona. The right wing guy? Yeah, I don't think he's just a dude. I think he's like either in politics or he's like a public persona. I don't know about that I think he's just a regular guy. I don't think he's a guy like he's not a Danny

Starting point is 00:12:12 So he's just a regular guy who went viral just yelled at Danny for well I don't want to talk I wanted to look up the information as a producer should sign it like Coco the monkey Danny how many bananas? By the way, the answer is Joe. Joe is who you fuck. Danny. I mean, Joe, listen, I also, I'm not that confident so I know I probably wouldn't get Joe.

Starting point is 00:12:36 Joe, can I feel your butt? He's the best looking by far. He's the most regular person. No, it's, I need to feel the butt. Max and Danny are gross humans. I don't know man. That was like a handsome fella. He's also a great Joe. He's got a camera. I feel like he's got a cool wife. Max would appreciate me. Yeah, Max appreciates everybody. Max is the most like a little girl. Yeah. Yeah. Little girl. Max I could hold. I don't know

Starting point is 00:13:00 if Max is a boy. I think Max might be an ugly woman. And I can't fuck anyone named Max. It's just gonna get too weird in the middle of it. You just think oh yeah Max oh no it's a little bun oh no it's scrambling my brains. I can't wait to fuck a Joe. I fucked a Joey one time a little baby kangaroo. I was gonna make the same dumb joke. A girl named Joey. That's a hot name for a girl. That's like Dawson's Creek right? It was really hot. Hell yeah, dude. Joey Pugliato. Did you overly say it or you're like, oh, suck my dick, Joey. I was like, cut it out.

Starting point is 00:13:31 Hey, what little world? This guy posted last month, Adolf Hitler was still right about everything. Yeah. Fuck this guy. And you know what? I take it. The guy that you sided with is an actual Nazi. Yeah. You know what? Fuck this piece of shit.

Starting point is 00:13:45 But is this guy a, um? He's a far right activist. He's an activist, yeah. But he's got like a big following. Is he one of those men's activists? There's just something about public person. Like, yeah, if it was just some dude that says something about some dude's kid,

Starting point is 00:13:56 and then you punch him in the face, you're like, yeah, dude, that's kind of like, you like that playing out. But it's like, you've got some dude who's like fucking being an actual Nazi on the internet, saying fucked up shit, trying to be provocative, and then somebody provokes him back. Sounds like your Instagram. Louis is just reading what's happened to him in the last month.

Starting point is 00:14:13 You can't do anything. People troll me on Instagram, and you can't even go back at them. Somebody like made some comment about me breaking up with my chick, and then I wanted to write back to him. I was like, you know, he was like, he was like, yeah I'm glad you're your chick lefty fucking unfunny hack bitch He was like that right and then I looked at his picture and it was him and his fucking his wife was a fucking disgusting Pig and then I wrote back. I was like At least I'm not married to me disgusting fucking Pig asshole motherfucker. Yeah, and then they flagged me and trying to take away my Instagram Really? That's the way it always goes. They always get that's like hockey. They get the guy that yeah, Talia. Ooh

Starting point is 00:14:50 Yeah, he provoked you should have you should have phrased it a little better. No Yeah, there's no better words that I could have used Yeah, cuz I mean even you saying what you said you had some stumbles in it You had some chance for editing I think I like most about the regs is figuring out how Lewis is gonna work in the N-word. Like we know it's coming, we just don't know when or when. No, I didn't say it last week. Yes you did.

Starting point is 00:15:09 Yeah you did. Nigga please. There we go, now the show has begun. It has commenced. Can I tell you, last night I was in bed with Sarah and I told the story about how to talk. You called her the N-word? No, but she can't, she's African American,

Starting point is 00:15:22 so she says it all the time. She's South African. She doesn't really say it But we were in bed and I was telling her that what you called Michael Cox to get Lewis on the Tonight Show and then while On the phone Lewis yelled the n-word and she laughed Like crying laughing had to pull the covers over And then it reminded me of how what a privilege it is to be in the presence of such a comedic genius. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:15:48 And I did a similar thing with Jay when we were doing the, on Legion of Scanks, we were doing the trial, we were doing the election, and he called up, I ended up paying the drummer from Korn on, what's that thing? Cameo. Cameo to like endorse me, right?

Starting point is 00:16:03 I was like, you have the drummer for Korn, and Jay's like, that's the new drummer, that's not the original drummer. He's like,? Cameo? Cameo to like endorse me, right? I was like, I have the drum for corn. And Jay's like, that's the new drummer. That's not the original drummer. He's like, how about this? I'll call Jonathan Davis right now and have him endorse me. And he calls Jonathan Davis. And then as soon as he got on the phone, I got the crowd to chant corn sucks.

Starting point is 00:16:17 That's right. He's like, what's up, Jay? I'm at a gas station. It's corn sucks, corn sucks. Jay had to hang up on it. Sorry, prank phone call. Prank phone call. That is gold. Is that your topic? Was there a topic? Not a topic. None of these topics. All right, gentlemen, let's take a quick moment and thank fume

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Starting point is 00:17:34 out their journey pack, head to tryfume.com that's try F-U-M .com slash regs R-E-G-Z and use the code regs for a free gift with your order today. Once again, tryfume.com, F-U-M, slash REGS for a free gift. All right, where were we? How's the baby going? It's going great. You love it?

Starting point is 00:17:53 It's going, I love it. You do love it. That's your topic. No, that's not my topic. How's the baby going? I love it. I'm one of these guys now. You are.

Starting point is 00:18:01 I'm one of these people that I hated the people. The people that were like, you don't get it, and I'm'm like I understand love you fucking asshole no you know I'm one of these people didn't you didn't understand love yeah you didn't have no idea no it's you know I do not love Sarah it's my life you know I don't even love a dog you do not love a cat there's no such thing as love your fucking child dude I feel bad I do love I do love Shane as much as my child Shane you watching Shane Gillis. Yeah, we got it.

Starting point is 00:18:26 Give me the bandana. Yeah, I don't know what that was. Did your kid smile at you yet? He smiled, what are you talking about? Yeah, they're not playing poker. He smiled at me six months ago. But now he laughs and he smiles and it's sweet. We took a Lyft together.

Starting point is 00:18:39 Did you make him giggle and shit? Yeah, I went to the park, we took a Lyft ride together and it's where you take him to the pool. We've taken them to Karen's pool. We took him to Lewis's pool. None of you guys were fucking there. Karen's is way better, but it was fucking really is not better. No, I know. Karen lives in an apartment building where she shares a pool with that's to pay strangers and has to pay. Yeah, wait, hold on. Karen does not have a bet. I have a private salt salt water. No, you don't! You have fucking 48 cast digital freaks,

Starting point is 00:19:06 the ugliest people I've ever seen in my life, half naked. You came on a day where we had a bunch of people. In your pool. She's got six wealthy women who are like 0% body fat. The hottest women I've ever seen. They don't even swim. Joe, you just gotta come on a different day. You came on the wrong day.

Starting point is 00:19:22 I'm privately in the pool. Me and the baby and Sarah, the only ones in the pool. Then there's four wealthy, hot fucking financial district chicks laid out and you can just stare at them. How many people were in the pool when you went to Lewis's party? 48. It looked like that island of plastic that's in the ocean. I couldn't even get in there. You know that floats around. Lewis is like, I don't want to get in there. It was raining. They're playing like full contact basketball over my baby. This kid's a basketball on my baby. It was awesome. They're playing like full contact basketball over my baby. This kid's I went over there one time and fucking max and James with knife throwing

Starting point is 00:19:55 No contest But I understand what you mean yours is private I'm gonna go home after this and I'm gonna just chill out by my pool. That is not my fucking I'm sharing with ten other fucking tenants. It's crazy and they have to pay that's crazy. That's crazy It's a luxury building. They have to individually pay to use their own How much is the each time or just a yearly fee 30 bucks each time? 150 bucks that's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's a suck should be yeah, it should be a There's no pool is the shit.

Starting point is 00:20:25 No, it's very. It's right in his backyard. House is awesome. I thought you guys were gonna be there. You fucked me. I wasn't invited. There you were. The boys came.

Starting point is 00:20:33 I wasn't invited. I was there. I was not invited. Natalie was there. I was invited by Christine when she said, we're going to Lewis's. And I was like, what? That's not true.

Starting point is 00:20:41 You're a fucking liar. You're a fucking motherfucker. You're on the same exact invite as these guys. I did not. Yeah, we all got invited. Yeah, you all got the same invite. By the way. I'm talking about the other,

Starting point is 00:20:51 there was another time before that. I invited- We were having pizza one night. I can't invite you every time I'm using the pool, Bobby. It's every day. I invite you to all my parties. It's every day. Every party I invite you to.

Starting point is 00:21:00 I invited all y'all to the park hang, not even a response. Joe, we don't want to go hang in a public park that sucks We're not fucking old people doing high cheese Yeah, we don't want to you and Ron I'm talking about movies for five hours Not a great podcast and nobody brings good snacks You guys all bring shitty everyone brings one thing like I got the hummus this guy's got the pretzel cool Hot cheese you fucking party suck you ass heads came to the party literally 20 years ago and

Starting point is 00:21:27 nobody had any money. I brought all the fucking snacks. We appreciate it. Bobby just happened to have the snacks on him. I guess I can feed other people. Like you know what, they're here. No, those are my walk, that's my walking trail mix. No, nobody wants to go to, that's not a party. You can't commandeer an area in a park and go, now this is a party. You used to come.

Starting point is 00:21:50 I came once. Twice. Maybe. Three times a lady. I've told this story on here before, but we were playing Frisbee, and then the Frisbee landed near some asshole, and granted, you're not supposed to throw the Frisbee around in that part of the park, but he was really mad and

Starting point is 00:22:05 he was like rules at Joe's party he was like it's not my party it's a public. Yeah, but Joe loves this he loves strangers telling you what to do. I'm in my backyard. I haven't finished the story but that's what this is your life though this actually a great example of how you love to live your life in other people's space what it's my space I live in the city I pay taxes it's It's our park. You fucking asshole. What happened with the frisbee?

Starting point is 00:22:26 So the frisbee land near a guy. I'll act it out. And the guy goes, Hey, get your frisbee away from me. And we go, Oh shit, sorry, sir. Whatever. And then Lewis shows up to party like a half an hour later. I'm like, yeah, we got to go easy with the frisbee and land over there. So Lewis goes, what? And then Lewis stands over the guy, throw the frisbee to Lewis and he bats it down with two hands at the guy. Lewis is a fucking gorilla. And by the way, there must be no ball playing in this section of the park. Like we're in the wrong.

Starting point is 00:22:55 That guy absolutely is in the right. Of course. That's why his party sucks. Kind of, but still you're still kind of being a c***. If you're, you know, people are having fun, people are having a good time. You're like, I want to, I don't, you know, people are having fun. People have a good time. You're like, I want to, I don't, you don't play frisbee near me. Now, can I, this is not my topic, but can I ask a hypothetical sounds like this is your topic. Let's say the four of us decide we're going to be men. We're going to have a party in the hang. We're

Starting point is 00:23:19 sitting there. We're talking about the future of the podcast. We're having some tea and cook really nice snacks. Rain, rain, CD on a plastic frisbee hits you in the side of the temple. What's your response? Side of the temple? Yes, it wouldn't do that because I have cat like reflexes. I would reverse throw it back more like pussy like reflexes. You go well, probably for the live show. I don't think so.

Starting point is 00:23:44 Rando, I spin it on my finger. Nobody wants. I don't think so, Rando. I'd spin it on my finger. Nobody wants to go to a party in a public park, especially all these other fucking assholes around. It just sucks. Hey guys, you want to meet up in Times Square, just hang out? Sometimes you see like Puerto Rican families like in the park bar, they use the public barbecues.

Starting point is 00:23:59 You ever seen those things? Not Central Park. It's crazy when they're like right off the highway. West Side Highway in the summer. I walked by one, there was a hoof hanging out of the fucking like right off the highway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. West Side Highway in the summer. I walked by one, there was a hoof hanging out of the barbecue. No, Central Park is white. Central Park sucks. It sucks.

Starting point is 00:24:13 It sucks, dude. It was great when we were young and poor. Yeah, exactly, like a park. That's why bums live there. That's why I have a house with a backyard. I can go in it and enjoy my own private sanctuary. Real funny, real nice. It sucks. Real nice guys. It was a nice barbecue. I'm just being honest. It was some serious. I'm going to throw a barbecue in a few weeks.

Starting point is 00:24:33 Well, I won't be there. And your pool is salt water? Oh yeah. I don't like that. Why? Tastes like cum. It's awesome. Salt water is better for you than chlorine? No, I love chlorine. Dan does have a chlorine love and personality. Dan is like, you know what? Too fancy. I need my skin to feel itchy. I want my eyes like I just

Starting point is 00:24:51 took a fucking dab, dude. I want to look underwater and then I can't look at the sun. I love getting dried out with some chlorine. Your hair is all fucking green. Remember the pool I bought during the pandemic? Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:25:07 That $350 in tax. Didn't I give it to you? Yeah, you gave it to me. I gave it to my sister. Did she use it? Yeah, she used it for like one summer. And then I got a pool. It'd be funny if she was like, she washes dogs in it.

Starting point is 00:25:18 I liked that pool. That was fun. That pool was good. But it fucking, it three times in the middle of the night, the filter just popped out and emptied into the backyard. Oh no. Yeah, I fucking go out and free-fill it three times. And it's just a swamp in your backyard.

Starting point is 00:25:31 It's a fucking swamp. It was $350. They used to say, remember back in the day, did they ever actually invent it? They said that there's a thing in the pool, like if you pee, it turns into a different color. No, it's fake. No, I know it's fake, but I'm saying fake news. No, did they ever invent it? No, they can't invent it I bet they could that's not every problem. You think that's not we went down the fucking moon Lewis That we didn't land on the moon first. You are I come down on Benjamin

Starting point is 00:25:57 Every pool ever would be evacuated Yeah, you don't want to see that. You'd see someone piss all the time. I mean sometimes I pee so yellow that you can see it. I've done that. I was like, whoa, I gotta drink some water. I was in a hotel pool and they have all the kids in there sometimes and I was swimming in the water and I saw a piece of lettuce.

Starting point is 00:26:20 Oh dude, yeah, one time I was in the hot tub. I used the hot tub at the hotel all the time and there was just like kids, like, and there were like all like 11-year-old girls, and it was just me. What? Like 10, 11-year-old girls in this hot tub around me, dude. It was straight up, if you're one of the-

Starting point is 00:26:35 Were you there first, and then they came in, or were they? Yeah, okay. I was there first, excuse me ladies, mind making some room? Exactly, there's a big difference. One of the parents walked in, and he just whistling, thank heaven for little girls. It was straight up, if you would have taken a picture, I almost did take a picture but I was like, I can't take a picture of these children.

Starting point is 00:26:56 That would have been an album cover. I was going to have my girlfriend because my girlfriend was there too. I was going to have her take a picture of me in the hot tub. My girlfriend was tanning and she was like, these kids were animals, dude. They were like little girls at maybe 12, 11, and they were like eating like cheese doodles. And then I literally, the girls were eating and they had like cheese doodle fingers, right? Like the orange fingers.

Starting point is 00:27:12 And I watched the girl, she made eye contact with me while she was doing it, she just went. Just put them in the water and washed her hands. It was crazy. And then I complained, I got them kicked out. You got them kicked out? I got them kicked out. What a dick. So you had to hear your wet flip flops go to the front desk? He had to wait until his heart

Starting point is 00:27:30 on went down. Hi, I'm being accosted by about 7 or 8 11 year old girls. And they're hot, yes, before you ask. Are they little cutie pies? Yes. Should they be in the babysitter's club? 100%. Please keep them out of the hot tub. I cannot control myself. I just want to let you know, thanks to Megan's law, I have to let you know I'm not allowed to be in the hot tub with those girls. We used to go to that Harlem pool in Central Park. Remember that?

Starting point is 00:27:58 Yeah, when you were poor. You and me and James. We didn't have money. He's in a house with a pool. I used to eat Subway for two meals. Joe, what are we doing? That was my thing too, dude. Getting a sandwich, getting a cut in half, lunch and dinner. When are you going to get a house with a pool. I used to eat Subway for two meals. Joe, what are we doing? That was my thing too, dude.

Starting point is 00:28:05 Getting a sandwich, getting a cut in half, lunch and dinner. When are you gonna get a house? When are you gonna buy a house? Five dollar foot long. I'm thinking about getting a house. Where are you gonna go? Jersey. Jersey?

Starting point is 00:28:14 Do a return in Jersey. Jersey's gonna be the new Austin, dude. Westchester, baby. Westchester, baby. Westchester, best Chester, baby. It's more expensive. Easy to get in. You get less property.

Starting point is 00:28:22 It's not easier to get in. You gotta pay that fucking bridger tunnel fee. Fuck that, and you gotta go through a tunnel and it closes. There's more expensive. You get less property. It's not easier to get in. You got to pay that fucking bridger tunnel fee. And you got to go through a tunnel and it closes. Sorry. We're in New York. You guys are saying things you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I live there. I do.

Starting point is 00:28:36 I have a house in Jersey. I've never not been able to get home because they've closed the bridges and tunnels. It's never happened. It happened to me when I lived in Hoboken. Little rainstorm, closed down the tunnels. Happened to me. You couldn't the tunnels. Happened to me. You couldn't get home. Happened to me too.

Starting point is 00:28:47 You couldn't get off the island. No. You're a liar. You're lying. I had an apartment in the city so I stayed there. It happened to me too. A fucking plane landed in the fucking river. Sullivan.

Starting point is 00:28:56 Oh, it happened to me too. And I crashed into the World Trade Center. I remember. You shut things down for like two weeks. That did not happen. What? Yeah. That did not happen.

Starting point is 00:29:04 Recently? I don't want to hear about it. Yeah, I'm going to Jersey Recently? I don't wanna hear about it. Yeah, I'm going to Jersey, baby. Don't go to Jersey. Dirty Jersey. You know what you have to do? You have to take fucking Newark Airport. You have to take United. You just leave early.

Starting point is 00:29:15 And also, I'm just as close to LaGuardia as I am to Newark. United and Newark. No, I'd never go. I'm diamond all the way. You're gonna have to come through the tunnel, over the city, through another bridge, over to, fuck that. And where Bobby stops, I'm diamond all the way. You're gonna have to come through the tunnel, over the city, through another bridge, over to, fuck that. And where Bobby stops, I begin.

Starting point is 00:29:28 I did that for a while. Takes over an hour and a half to get to the airport. Fuck that. No, it doesn't. 35 minutes to get to LaGuardia. It takes me 35 minutes to get to LaGuardia. No, it doesn't. I'll bet you $1,000. I'm gonna type it in right now.

Starting point is 00:29:39 You have no traffic. With no traffic. With no traffic, at what time of day? $7,000. If I go super early in the morning or in the mid afternoon. Mid afternoon. 35 minutes. Mid afternoon. You're crazy. 35 you already went up to 40. No way. I swear to God. It's the same time as... I went through this recently. It takes me 35 minutes for who I am. Let me speak. I go to Newark. Let me speak. Every time. Well, I'm in the middle of a sentence. I go to Newark

Starting point is 00:29:59 every time. Okay? And because I was doing that, I was like, wait, let me just check the LaGuardia time. I just went through this and now I look at LaGuardia and Newark Joe's 53 right now right now there's traffic yeah yeah a lot of traffic 29 minutes no traffic at 2 a.m. yep white planes just to get an estimate of Westchester 46 minutes so yeah great seven minutes now what is the difference well you can't accept it's just fucking great why It takes me 30 minutes to get to the airport. Why are you so against Jersey? What is your issue? Because it's Jersey.

Starting point is 00:30:27 Westchester, best-Chester, so- It's literally, it's better prices for the property. Bobby, let him go. Bobby, let him go. I got my new house in the- Let him go. Let him go. Believe that.

Starting point is 00:30:37 Yeah, believe that. Let, dude, let's just let him go, bro. Yeah, go to Jersey, dude. Go ahead, do your thing. You're going to Westchester, Dan? Maybe. You don't know where I'm going? Dude, Big J is going to Jersey. Liss is going to Jersey, dude. Go ahead. Do your thing. You're going to Westchester, Dan? Maybe. You don't know where we're going?

Starting point is 00:30:47 Dude, Big Jay's going to Jersey. Liss is going to Jersey. Joey Diaz is in Jersey. Rich Voss is in Jersey. Rich Voss. Gary Veeder. John Fisch. Aaron Burr.

Starting point is 00:30:55 You're making our point. Jersey? You're making our point. Rich Voss, Aaron Burr. We did just name a lot of Jews. Voss, Burr. New Juicy. Veeder.

Starting point is 00:31:03 New Juicy. That's great. They didn't get the credit off the lips. Greg Stone might go to Montclair too. Nope. We're good. No, Westchester baby. I don't care. What are people going to show up at my house? People know where I live now. Westchester is closer to Boston too when you go home. When you're in Queens and Osoria is such a, like, there's tall buildings. Like, knowing you live in Astoria, they'd have to find your building, get into the building,

Starting point is 00:31:26 find the apartment, there's so much. I live in a house amongst like, the population of my town is probably one tenth the population of Astoria. To find me, it's way easier. Okay. And I'm the only brown person. Really?

Starting point is 00:31:40 That's not true, I drove to your house. There were a couple brown people. It was a lot of brown people. I didn't like it. Brown moving? Just kidding. I looked at Joe's face, he meant it. brown people. There was a lot of brown people. I didn't like it. Brown moving? Just kidding. I looked at Joe's face, he meant it. Joking.

Starting point is 00:31:48 Can we get another coffee, guys? Yeah, another round. What are we doing? You know what I thought about though? I really thought about this, because I was down at the pool yesterday, and I was like, maybe I just go down to Battery Park. Live in a nice building with a pool,

Starting point is 00:32:02 and then you can just run. It's like right on the city. You kid me to. I know, but it's all kids down there. Yeah, fuck. You don't want it. City kids. You don't want that shit.

Starting point is 00:32:10 It's all dads on their stupid phone. It's all bullshit. You want to go get a house, get a backyard. So when you come home, you go in your backyard, you smoke a bat, nobody's fucking with you. And then your kid's going to play. He's going to have friends in the neighborhood who get to go trick or treating. Dude, trick or treating,

Starting point is 00:32:28 is the, trick or treating in the city stinks. Bobby has made all of his decisions in life on trick or treating availability. What's my access to candy? It's free. How great, how great is? One day a year, that's all I ask. How great is trick or treating in the neighborhood?

Starting point is 00:32:42 It's great. It's the best. Taking your kid around to houses You gotta go to stores. Yeah, you know the Chinese nail salon I gotta go bodegas the first year trick-or-treating when we lived in the Hell's Kitchen I had a pot of candy we had and I sat out front and no kids would come up to us just homeless guys Man, I can use Get away from me dude. What are you dressed up as? I got it whittled down to Montclair,

Starting point is 00:33:07 Red Bank, Tacoma, Hingham, Massachusetts. Hingham? He's going back to his old subject again. No, Joe, we're done with that subject. It's not subject, it's topics. Whatever. I'm gonna move somewhere. You watch me. Come up to Westchester before you go there.

Starting point is 00:33:20 Going to Westchester. Why? I know Westchester. I've been to Westchester. I like Jersey. Well, all famous people live in Westchester before you go there. Going to Westchester. Why? I know Westchester, I've been to Westchester. I like Jersey. Well, all famous people live in Westchester. Chris Rock doesn't, Tracy Morgan doesn't. Martha Stewart does, Ryan Reynolds does. Really? Yeah, Ryan Reynolds.

Starting point is 00:33:36 Ryan Reynolds is in the town I moved to. Fucking Deadpool. Well, that's pretty cool. I would say that's pretty cool. Ryan Reynolds. Oh, gentlemen and gentlemen of Westchester. I did not know that the Green Lantern in Deadpool lives in your... Yeah, dude, fuck it.

Starting point is 00:33:46 I showed James Deadpool for the first time the other day. Oh, that's awesome. The original? Yeah, yeah. He's such a sweet kid though. He's just like, dad, this is a lot. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:33:55 He's too good of a kid. Max is cracking up the whole time. Deadpool, that's what I call your backyard. Oh, come on, dude. He pulls alive and well. Do you want to do some subjects? I want to... Wait, I'm not going to do that.

Starting point is 00:34:03 I'm going to do the... I'm going to do the... I'm going to do the... I'm going to do the... I'm going to do the... I'm going to do the... Dead pool, that's what I call your backyard. Oh, come on, dude. Pulls alive and well. Do you want to do some subjects? I want to, I want to. Wait, you have to say something. I want to get a fucking, I wanted to get a pool in the new house, but I bailed on it.

Starting point is 00:34:15 Why? Because you, do you have a pool guy, or do you have to take care of it? I just, I had a pool guy last year, I do it myself this year, I'm so, I was paying $1,000 a month for a guy to come in, and literally put a strip into the water, do this, and then fuck her wife Put a strip into the water do this and then fuck my wife I was a banger out a thousand dollars a month for him to come in literally be like, yep. Looks good

Starting point is 00:34:32 He never did anything and now I just do it myself And now what I do is you take the the bottle of water once you get a second you take it over You go to Leslie's pools. It's pretty cool. They did a bottle of water. You bring it over Leslie's pose They have your profile. He's giving your email your phone number. They take a bottle of water, you bring it over to Leslie's pools, they have your profile. You just give them your email, your phone number, they know your pool size, they know everything. They do everything. They test it right there and then they go, oh you need a little more salt,

Starting point is 00:34:51 you need a little more shock, that's it. You buy it right there or you have the stuff ready. Yeah, it takes a minute to get your pool right, but once you get it right, you just keep it. And my pool is pristine. Yeah, it's very good. What are you gonna do in the winter? You cover it. You drain it. No, you cover it. No, you don't have to drain pools, you cover it. You're not supposed to drain it. Even, it's very good. What are you gonna do in the winter? Cover it. Drain it.

Starting point is 00:35:05 No, you cover it. No, you don't have to drain pools. You cover it. You're not supposed to drain it. Even when it gets a little fucked up, you shock it when the season. When I opened it up, it looked like.

Starting point is 00:35:12 It just yells the N word at it. Shocking. That pool would not be shocked. Pool goes, that actually makes the waves go normal. Shocking, you'd have to do math. Yeah. No, when I took it off, it was just covered in a green film. Like just covered.

Starting point is 00:35:29 Yeah, it's like The Simpsons when Homer dives in before he puts in the chlorine. So gross. Yeah. But yeah, it takes a couple days, clears up, boom. Yeah, we were gonna get a house with a pool, but we have the lake. We go up to the lake for the summer, so it'd be stupid.

Starting point is 00:35:40 You sound like Joe now. He's like, yeah, we got a park. I don't need a backyard, I got a park. Exactly. The lake is the park of water Central Park the greatest park ever built by man It's a Bobby's go to a pool park It's an association. No, there's only 30 families on the lake

Starting point is 00:36:00 This fucking everybody that dude association I bought another plot of land that it gives me You can't the lake suck. They're cold and dirty Eels sometimes Squam Lake the cleanest lake Squam Lake specifically sounds gross. It's the lake on Golden Pond was on it is it is the cursed It's the best lake in the country, but there's a bunch of hot bitches at Squam Lake on the Swan Lake. It's the best lake in the country. I bet there's a bunch of hot bitches at Squam Lake. Yeah. No, it's all flat old people.

Starting point is 00:36:26 Yeah, there's some kid that died in it that hunts down people. I don't want that. You can't say you have, there's a lake available. That's why you don't have a pool, because there's a lake. Well, I can't get, I'm gonna puddle. Dude, I'm hot. Dude, I got the Atlantic Ocean right there.

Starting point is 00:36:39 Why would you drive out and jump in? Why would you get a pool if I'm not here, is my point. We're not here for two months. All right because the summer you're in New Hampshire. I'm in New Hampshire. You can move your house in New Hampshire anywhere. It is a trailer. It could be parked out front. It's up to your truck. You can't move it anymore. We winterize it. It's locked in. I was thinking of getting a vintage trailer. Bobby you could move that trailer to New Jersey if you want

Starting point is 00:37:10 Maybe I'm gonna move the job. I move a town over. Maybe I'll move to red Ridgewood. That's really expensive Yeah, don't say it's the town over we're gonna beep that two towns over. Yeah Two towns north I used to live in Ridgewood really I'm not sure me funny. Isn't it like a fucking super town? Yeah, it's a super town How'd you afford that? It's really nice. I'm not trying to be funny. Isn't it like a fucking super town? Yeah. It's a super town? What's a super town? It's not worth it.

Starting point is 00:37:30 It's not worth it. Like, I mean, if you're- Oh, is that the second house you went to? Yeah. That house was nice. That town is fucking dead. I like your new house way better. Oh, it's a better house.

Starting point is 00:37:37 Your new house is way better. And the neighborhood's better. I like your neighborhood way better at this house. Yeah, Ridgewood's like a particularly nice, like fancy fucking- Yeah, but it was like a particularly nice, like fancy fucking. Yeah, but it was too fancy. His neighborhood now is kind of blue collar. Yeah, blue collary.

Starting point is 00:37:50 I like it over there. I like it. There's an Italian sandwich spot on the corner. They go, hey Louis, just look at that saltwater pool. Yeah, the priest gives me a blessing every day when I run by. Where are those dirty kids that were swimming in it? You know what's funny is like, I look up,

Starting point is 00:38:03 I'm thinking about moving to all these places, I'm looking in Montclair, I look up crime, and it's like above average, this thing, that thing, and I'm like, oh God, I can't move there. And I'm thinking about this for two hours, and I realize I've never looked up crime in the neighborhood I live in. No.

Starting point is 00:38:17 I look up crime in Astoria. It's kind of crazy. It's like 700% higher. I'm like, oh, I'm just living here like normal. You have to look up schools. I know the schools. The schools are good. It's all about the schools, trust me.

Starting point is 00:38:27 You don't want to move somewhere and then the schools suck and then in five, six years, that's where we're moving. We're moving because of the schools. You guys' schools suck? The school, well, it was good to sixth grade and then it gets a little fucking dicey. So we had to move to a better, the school system. Like hickory dickory duck.

Starting point is 00:38:44 Yeah. Oh! Oh! You're learning your periodic table of elements. Is the new one good? That's a fucking nine out of 10. Nine out of 10. Why not 10 out of 10? Max doesn't deserve the best?

Starting point is 00:38:58 It's one of the best schools in the country. It's in the lake. Yeah. It's a great school, yeah. All right. Yeah, but that's where we had to move. It's a great school. Yeah. All right. Yeah. But that's we had to move.

Starting point is 00:39:08 I would stay where I'm at. I love my house. Is Max bummed that he's so excited? Is that going to a new school? Yeah. It's a fucking brand new school and sixth grade is a good grade to go. So yeah, he's where you make up a bunch of lies when you go into sixth grade. I was cool.

Starting point is 00:39:20 I was a kickboxing champion in my old school. I have a pool and I don't have to go to the lake. Yeah. Ha ha ha. Well, I guess we gotta figure out way to live, huh? Yeah, you shouldn't live in Jersey, dude. I'm gonna do my subject. Don't go to Montclair.

Starting point is 00:39:35 I'm gonna do my topic. You wanna pull it out? It's called a topic. Oh yeah, I'm pulling out my topic. I'm gonna pull out my topic. It's not a subject. I'm sorry, dude. Subject's a topic, potato patata. No, it isn't. A subject is like the pool shit we were talking about subject. I'm sorry, dude. Subjects, topic, potato, potato.

Starting point is 00:39:45 Subject is like the pool shit we were talking about. What do you got, Louis? Subject to change. Oh, I see. Are we doing glasses? All right, so the subject, everyone's doing glasses without me? Yep. Yep.

Starting point is 00:39:56 Yep. One of you, give me glasses now. No, no. No, I don't want to be left out of the glasses conversation. The only nerd that had glasses left to get you coffee. Yeah. Fuck. All right, I'm gonna do my topic. What's your glasses conversation. The only nerd that had glasses left to get you coffee. Yeah. Fuck. Um, alright, I'm gonna do my topic.

Starting point is 00:40:07 What's your topic, baby? What's your topic? Let's see. You're just taking this opportunity to look at text, I can see. I'm literally looking up my fucking topic, dick fuck. Whoa. Whoa, what's wrong with you?

Starting point is 00:40:16 Maybe fix your glasses. Wow. Because you can't see. Oh, that was good, dude, roast battle. That was really hurtful. Alright. That's really me and Lewis. So I think this would be a fun exercise. Lewis say sorry to Joey for you. By the way, by

Starting point is 00:40:29 the way, sometimes I read the YouTube comments. Yeah. 40% of the people listening will think I'm seriously hurt about Central Park and that. It's unbelievable. They're not picking up the sarcasm. So many people I was like don't pull shit up on the fucking thing it's distracting then four minutes later I'm like why aren't you pulling this up? And people are like what a fucking retard. Yeah. That's the bit thing it's distracting then four minutes later I'm like why are you pulling this up like what a fucking retard yeah that's the bit the joke you're not getting the bit I love all the Joe's growing frustration with them not getting the bit like it's great I'm like it's all jokes stop where Joe reading the fucking I like reading the comments yeah we're

Starting point is 00:41:02 all reading the comment makes me stop reading the comments too. Yeah, we're all reading the comments. I'm a comment guy. No, I'm a comment guy. Both of you read the comments. Makes me stop pooping sometimes. I don't fucking read. Bobby, if you don't read the comments, you should start. You should fucking, it gets brutal out there for you. Thanks, Luke. Why would you say that?

Starting point is 00:41:17 Why would you say that? Why are you wearing the hat for that fucking come around? We'll kick your asses. Actually, fuck face, I'm wearing the hat. Don't give up, you got the music in you. This is from your movie. Oh wow. Whoa.

Starting point is 00:41:33 No kidding. You're the design. Singing in the rain? The set, the costume designer actually made this specific hat, this is his design. Wow. And I could keep it because I liked it, and you're gonna throw it.

Starting point is 00:41:43 I'm not gonna throw it, I just wanna see it. You're gonna throw it. I'm not gonna throw it. We all know you will. Well now if you didn and you're gonna throw it. I'm not gonna throw it, I just wanna see it. You're gonna throw it. I'm not gonna throw it. We all know you're gonna throw it. Well now if you didn't throw it you'd be. I'm not gonna throw it, I just wanna see it. Please don't throw it. I'm not gonna throw it.

Starting point is 00:41:52 You got the music in you. Put that in the comments you fucking cunts. Don't give up. They're all brutal, you go to the Legion of Skank, Saburoid, the Bonfire, they're brutal everywhere. Yeah, not to Dan, they all love Dan. They love Dan. They love Dan.

Starting point is 00:42:08 They can do no wrong. I can show you some. I can show you some good ones. No, but I wrote those. But I'm gonna be more like Dan. Lewis, say what's your topic? All right, well, we'll give a fake topic just to set up whatever you'd be more into.

Starting point is 00:42:22 Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, wow! Yeah, we're coming down, okay! Here's my impression of Joe. just to set up whatever you'd be more attached to. Oh! Arrrr! Arrrr! Wow! Yeah, we're coming down! Okay! Here's my impression of Joe. Here's my impression of Joe. I say something shitty.

Starting point is 00:42:31 It's the bit! You didn't get the bit! I'm artistic! It's the bit! Can I do a little more quippy, a little more pun? Oh, wow, nice shoes, huh? More like more nice boos. You didn't get the bit!

Starting point is 00:42:40 Don't get upset! Dude, Dan again. Shh! Ah! Ah! Arrrr! Ah! Ha ha ha ha! Here's Joe. Don't get upset. Dude, Dan again. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, you do your little sketches, and I don't like sketches, so I sit out. If I tried to join in, I would have to go in there. I would have to go in there and do the sketches. I would have to go in there and do the sketches.

Starting point is 00:43:14 I would have to go in there and do the sketches. I would have to go in there and do the sketches. I would have to go in there and do the sketches. I would have to go in there and do the sketches. I would have to go in there and do the sketches. I would have to go in there and do the sketches. I would have to go in there and do the sketches. You guys go into your little sketches, you do your little sketches, and I don't like the sketches, so I sit out. If I tried to join in, they'd go, look at Liz trying to get in.

Starting point is 00:43:32 Why do you give a fuck? I don't give a fuck. Most of the people like you. No. Yes, they do. Yes, they do. Most of the people. No, we have a lot of people watch the show. Most of the people like all of us. There's

Starting point is 00:43:44 just a handful of people. That's not true. There's a handful of that is a handful of that. I just got to say shit. They got to hurt our feelings. Yeah. Well, I mean, they didn't hurt my feelings because I didn't look and then you brought it up. Yeah. You know, that was just because I realized I have a new subject and that's going to be the bonfire subreddit, the bonfire subreddit by they don't like.

Starting point is 00:44:01 That's unfair, though. They're just mad at Bobby for taking. Why are they fucking mad? I didn't do shit and do anything I just stepped in cuz fucking he wanted to sit on a couch because I still want to do the show anymore It's not that I want to sit on the couch. Yeah, they want to do the show not my fault. Yeah Well, what am I? I'm not it's not slave labor. It's called a contract ran up Yeah, let me tell you something brother and I'm coming down there doing that and then matter I thought we were doing that because the fucking

Starting point is 00:44:45 And then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, don't read the comments. Five minutes later they're like, yeah, some guy called me a fucking asshole. No, I did it on a couple of the first two episodes of the regs and I stopped. I was like, this isn't good. All right. The comments are all good on the regs. It's 99% positivity. That's not all.

Starting point is 00:44:54 Yeah, but that's not, by the way, our brains don't work like that. You find the one and then you go, fuck. Not me. Here's the thing, I sometimes listen to them. Sometimes they have good advice. I have done that. Sometimes they're right. And by the way, I to read it and I've gotten some great advice from reddit about shit about interrupting

Starting point is 00:45:10 If I go on reddit or any of that the advice would be leave the bonfire So you have gone on So so you have All right, what's your topic? All right my topic what? So, you have rekt. All right, what's your topic? All right, my topic. What? Why did you bring up Legion of Skanks too? Cause I just filled in for you, they said shit

Starting point is 00:45:34 that I was on the show the other day? No. Oh, you said Legion of Skanks. No, I was talking about how they hate me on the Legion of Skanks. Oh, I thought they said hate me. I can't believe anyone hates any of you. I can't believe that they hate any of us

Starting point is 00:45:44 cause alls we're trying to do Is make people laugh we're doing this for the love of the game and for I get it machines I totally get it and for money to I get it money lots of money Yeah, you would be doing it if there was no money involved If you watch sports, it's the same thing you just want to you want to talk some shit I'd rather be in Central Park, but we all do it, right? Like I'll watch a movie. Like we're just sensitive pussies, right? So listen, I'll watch a movie.

Starting point is 00:46:08 We are giant weirds. And then I'll go on Twitter and I'll be like, dude, the fucking director of that movie on Netflix should kill himself, that fucking loser. You don't write it to the person. Joe, you used to have a great thing. You never went directly to the person. Maybe, how much did you not like the movie?

Starting point is 00:46:23 De Niro, you stink in your shorts. But people do that now, because they know they can do that. It's fucking weird. It's weird to me. It's our first guest. What was the bit that I had that was brilliant? Tell everybody, quick. I can't find a voice to do it in. When you used to say, at the end of comedy shows, when you go out to the lobby and someone goes like,

Starting point is 00:46:42 I thought you were the best one, they don't do that with movies. You don't go out to the lobby of a movie and they goes like, I thought you were the best one. They don't do that with movies. You like don't go out to the lobby of a movie and they're like, I liked you as the villain. You sucked. You sucked as the hero. Remember on the old YKDN video where we were bringing the people, the trolls on the show? Remember that one time we brought the guy on the show?

Starting point is 00:46:54 Yeah, yeah. What was his name? Yeah, and they're always nice. I wasn't there for that. Sweet as pie. I don't think so. What's his name? Generally times, when we go to Skankfest,

Starting point is 00:47:02 I always say that. That room is filled with people that have talked shit about you. But you can always, when you're doing something, you can always see the one guy who really doesn't like you just staring at you the whole time. Well, these same people that are commenting, when they bump into you in public or meet you,

Starting point is 00:47:14 they're like shaking. They're like, oh, hi Mr. List, whoa. Then they go home, they go, shut the fuck up with your pun. I get bored sometimes, and I'll go into my other box, like in Instagram, like the other messages. Oh yeah. I got another box. What is that?

Starting point is 00:47:29 You can't go there, that's where all the bad shit is. What is the other box? The hidden requests? It's like hidden requests. Oh I don't get it. Not your wife, not your girlfriend. There's two hidden requests, there's the other one, and then there's ones that are like,

Starting point is 00:47:37 these people are probably trying to harm you, and they put it into another category. You cannot go there. I go there, I go there dude. When you go there sometimes you go like, that's like when you realize you go, I shouldn't have came here. What is, so cannot go there. I go there. I go there. When you go there sometimes you go like, that's like when you realize you go, I shouldn't have came here. What is, so you go there.

Starting point is 00:47:48 This guy. I know the other box that you're talking about. I know message requests. And then you go to the bottom and there's hidden requests. Look, you guys go there. Primary and then requests. And then if you slide, look, if you slide to the bottom, hidden requests.

Starting point is 00:48:00 Oh boy. That's it though. This is like literally people that have been like flagged. These are bad. These are the directors of society. These are people that Instagram goes they might be mentally ill This is this is how you get your dick sucked by a weirdo you go to that box, right? But it's also where you see stuff where you go. Oh, no, this person's having a problem, but I having a manic I don't I just get bored sometimes listen. Look I fucking um, let me try to find it now

Starting point is 00:48:22 So this guy hit me up and he's just like talking shit to me. Well these are tags actually. People love me. I was looking for a personal assistant. These are great. I posted that I need a personal assistant for just one day a week. Joe, what are you doing?

Starting point is 00:48:40 Just list and join his hidden requests. Your topic. Your topic was hidden messages. I'm reading them, they're all very nice. I'm in the middle of a sentence. Oh, sorry. Yeah, stop talking over him. You want more shit written about you?

Starting point is 00:48:50 I didn't talk over him, I made noises over him, comedically. So I made a post about how I need a- Oh, that's nice. Please, do it. Come on, I wanna hear it. Nope. No, do it. I actually do wanna hear it.

Starting point is 00:49:03 Come on, do it. Put the ball going home. No, don't. Wasn't even that good. Don't be a baby. I wasn't even gonna be fire off in the comments About how Lewis where is my fucking coffee? I don't know. He's probably pissing in it. He's coming up They beeped him up a crazy. It takes a long time for him to come in the he has to go all the way to Starbucks I'm fucking Christopher Street. You feces shit for loads is a lot Recharge you call me a nerd? Oh, I'm going to fucking lose it. 60 and I need another 10 minutes.

Starting point is 00:49:29 What was Bobby's voice? Ed. Ed. Ed, I'm going to come in your coffee. No, but finish your story, baby. No, forget it. It's fine. I want to hear it, man.

Starting point is 00:49:36 It wasn't that interesting. I know, but it was interesting because it was a build up. Let's finish it. No, I'm going to do my actual subject now. It's not a subject. It's a topic. Topic. Why don't we do plugs and then.

Starting point is 00:49:45 Woo hoo! Plug and a topic. Let's do plugs. Can we do plugs? Is Danny here? Don't give up. You got the music in you. Come around, we'll kick your asses.

Starting point is 00:49:56 Louis liked that song, I'm 100% sure of it. I don't know what song that is. New radicals. His name. You know it. You know it. What is it? Don't give up, you've got the music in you. I like that song.

Starting point is 00:50:08 Yeah, we were just singing it. Then we go to get it and you go. Dan, take your coffee you fuckhead. Why is it so light? Why is that filled up so little? What do you just get, milk, you little boy? Why is that filled up so little? What is that?

Starting point is 00:50:19 Little man, vanilla, sweet cream, no cold brew. It's four shots and he wants it to be cup. Four shots, Bobby, Bobby. That was you, you grabbed the lid. That was you, dude. I held the side, fuckface, you grabbed the top. No, you squeezed it and then- I didn't squeeze it, you squeezed the top.

Starting point is 00:50:35 Let's do plugs. When does this come out? Next week. All right. All right, we got Joe List first. I'm at Mohegan Sun Comics Roadhouse this weekend and then Atlanta- I think I'm not allowed togan Sun Comics Roadhouse this weekend, and then Atlanta. I think I'm not allowed to perform there anymore.

Starting point is 00:50:46 Why? You aren't. You are actually not. No, I don't think I am. Because of Legion of Skanks, we did our thing in the theater, and we made fun of the natives. Oh, no way. And the fucking native Dan. Joe.

Starting point is 00:50:58 The head executive of Mohegan Sun. Please do it. Joe, go ahead. You know I love Native American. I've always encouraged Native Americans. I need you guys now on Voices. I need you to turn a key twice like you're launching an American. I'm going to turn a key twice. I'm going to turn a key twice. I'm going to turn a key twice. I'm going of Mokin Fun. Please do it. Joe, go ahead. You know I love Native American. I've always encouraged Native Americans.

Starting point is 00:51:06 I need you guys now on voices. I need you to turn a key twice like you're launching a nuke. I need you guys both. Everyone's gotta sign up on it. One, two, three, boop. And then they go, for the legion, for the tribe known as the Legion of Skanks, is not permitted, the bald-headed, loud one.

Starting point is 00:51:23 Honestly, dude, he said a lot of mean shit. What did you say? No, we just made that up. Adam Chant go, ah. Oh yeah, we can do that. There's just one tear. There's one Native American as a tear rolling down. They had the whole crowd going, ah.

Starting point is 00:51:38 But we had them saying the N-word with it. N-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o I'm putting a ton of shit on you. Please punch up live of punch up live dot-com Joe hyphen list whatever I think we're all on there. Not me. You should go on there get on there No punch up live is this let me see K own it. No, no, it's a company But you get all your you get the emails, you know where they are all the all the Statistics of everybody where you're popular how many you can send emails out when you go in there They don't fucking fuck with your stuff. You could say whatever you want do the n-word on there You can do whatever you want. They don't censor anything as long as Lewis leaves. I just saw it I can finally do my pocket the one I've always wanted to do That's what that's what Danny wants us to plug Lewis J.. Join this company, you can say the N-word on there. Louis J Gomez, Lewis of skanks.com. I'm going to be at Uncle

Starting point is 00:52:50 Vinny's Comedy Club Point Pleasant, New Jersey on the 21st and 22nd. Then I'm going to be in Los Angeles. I'm doing the Ontario Improv. I'm doing, it's up on the comedy store's website, but on the 5th I'm doing The Belly Room, two shows in one night, and then I'm doing Oxnard-Levity Live on the seventh. Regs, Gramercy Theater happening July 10th. Then I got Fort Worth. That's a podcast. Yep. Fort Worth, Dallas, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, New Orleans,

Starting point is 00:53:15 Lafayette, San Jose, and more. It's all already up on lewisofskanks.com. Guys, come the fuck out. The new hour, it's the best I've ever done by far. Go check them out, baby. I promise you guys are gonna fucking love it. So come see me on the road. It's gonna be fucking hilarious and dirty and filthy.

Starting point is 00:53:29 I'm bringing Scott Chaplin on the road. Zach's coming to some of these shows, so. Nice. Come and fucking party. Kaplan's great. I will be on the Burt Crusher Fully Loaded Tour. I'm doing all the dates. And then in July, I will be at Indianapolis at Helium,

Starting point is 00:53:44 the 18th through the 20th, and then I will be at the Addison Improv, July 25th through the 27th. You can also catch me at the San Jose Improv, August 9th and 10th. That's a great room. Then go to punchup.live slash dansoada. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:54:03 Hold on. Or dansoada.com. When am I at San Jose? I think I'm in the San Jose Improv. This is coming out next week, right? Yeah. Coming out next week. I'm gonna be in St. Louis coming up and see all the shows, stupid.

Starting point is 00:54:17 Oh God. St. Louis the 14th and 15th, Timonium, Magoobies, the 21st and 22nd, and then Portsmouth, New Hampshire at the Music Hall, the 20th, there you go, six, only two shows, and then 15th, I'll be with the Melanie Tent with the Regs, doing a comedy show, me, Joe, Lewis, Dan, and Rich Vosho. Yeah, that'll be fun as hell, dude. Go to PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly

Starting point is 00:54:44 for all my tour dates and all that shit. There you go. I'm pumped for that grammar scene. That's gonna be fun. It's gonna be very, very fun. I'm not pumped for doing the Wednesday in the San Jose Improv before Dan's weekend, the same week, I'm pissed.

Starting point is 00:54:57 Why, you'll get all the people before him. No, nobody's coming out on a fucking Wednesday. Why'd you book it? Be positive. And if they're choosing one fucking comedy show to see that week, it's probably gonna be on the Friday or Saturday. I can't say what it is, but I have the biggest show of my life, and later this year,

Starting point is 00:55:13 and Dan's doing the fucking thing the day before. That doesn't matter. Fucked! They're all coming to see you. Why are you, you're not fucked. I'm fucked! You're not fucked. Why do you think everybody's going to see Dan and not you?

Starting point is 00:55:23 People don't have money like that. Because the voices, I don't have the voices. have the voice you got nobody's gonna come see me You guys have fun with your bit You have six months to get voices up dude. Yeah, dude. I do a couple I do noises more fully work Unbelievable dude build the seven-minute bit around it Did you just plug in a fender? I didn't mean to offend her. What's your topic?

Starting point is 00:55:51 My topic. Why do I have to go first? Because you said you were going to. You said you were going to. You said you were going to. You said you were going to. You said you were going to. You said you were going to.

Starting point is 00:56:02 You said you were going to. You said you were going to. You said you were going to. You said you were going to. You said you were going to. You said you were going to. You said you vision in you. Why do you have to look up your top so many times? I don't get it. Because I got to remember what it is. Is it a math problem? It's an exercise in how well we know each other. Oh boy.

Starting point is 00:56:14 Oh, I like this. This is good. I like this. All my answers for Lewis is one word. I'm flexible here how we do this, but I think the way we should do it is we pick one of us, and then the three of us tell that person's life story how we know it.

Starting point is 00:56:30 Oh, I like this. And we all do it for each other. So you guys do me first, you gotta start like, where were we born, and then we can correct each other with what you guys are, see how well we know each other. I suspect my feelings might get hurt. I do me first, because I want the pain, I want the pain to come back at you guys when I see how well we know each other. I suspect my feelings might get hurt. Do me first, because I want the pain, I want the pain to come back at you guys when I get a chance.

Starting point is 00:56:48 OK, we can do Dan first. Do me first. All right, gentlemen, let's take a quick moment and talk about Zippix toothpicks today. I love Zippix toothpicks. They have such an incredible product. If you're trying to cut back on smoking, or if you're just trying to get your nicotine fix when you can

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Starting point is 00:58:03 Once again, zipixtoothpicks.com. Use that promo code REGZ for 10% off. You must be 21 or older to order. Warning, nicotine is an addictive chemical. Zip more, smoke less with Zipix nicotine toothpicks. All right, where were we? So Dan Soder. Who me? Dan Soder, born November 16, 1984. My birthday's two weeks away, but it's all right.

Starting point is 00:58:24 Okay, hold on, we got this. Born in Hartford, Connecticut. Yes, was he? Yes. Was he? Hartford, Connecticut? I would guess Aurora, Illinois. That's not even.

Starting point is 00:58:33 Aurora, Illinois. Aurora, Pennsylvania. Colorado. Aurora. Like Annoyia, New Jersey. Your town. That you live in. Dan was born in 1983 in Hartford, Connecticut.

Starting point is 00:58:46 Close as friends so far as Joe. To Trish, the mother, Trish and Gary. Gary and Trish. Gary, you know it's Gary. Yo, Joe's a good fucking listener and a good friend. I got none of this. I could have probably gotten Trish. And if I really thought about it, I could have gotten Gary.

Starting point is 00:59:03 Yeah, I liked this so far. This is fucking what I just learned is fucking fiance's name. So that when he's two years old, they move them out to Colorado. No, three years old. No, I was, we were, I was five. I was going to get there. Five years. I mean, I knew it. I thought you were letting you go five Five years old he moves out to Aurora, Colorado movie theater shooting and they they hated broad rip. What was it? Hold on. Don't Cherry Creek. Those fucking rich. Look down on them. Booty. Dan he started getting into football in elementary school. He was always a big fan whole life. Forty a big fan. Whole life.

Starting point is 00:59:45 49er fan, loved Joe Montana. Well, nobody knows why though, where's the origin of that? My dad's from the Bay Area. What are you doing? Okay. Joe's not a kid. Bobby hasn't even opened his mouth. Bobby hasn't chimed in with anything.

Starting point is 00:59:54 I don't know Dan. Yeah, Bobby doesn't even know me. Yeah, I was a big Niner fan from the Bay Area. His mother, his grandmother stole all his money. I know he's a big wrestling fan as a kid, loved wrestling. Big time. Loved it, had the little dolls.

Starting point is 01:00:09 All the dolls. Every Saturday he'd watch it. Every day. I think he was just naming what you assume was the thing that happened. Not wrong though. I'm absolutely right. By the way, we're gonna do everybody's childhood.

Starting point is 01:00:18 We're gonna have to be doing this with all of us. So take us over. Daddy had toys, I bet he ate breakfast sometimes. I bet he loved candy on Halloween. By the way, guys, trick or treating, dude. How great of a day is it? And then started having trouble in the neighborhood around 11. Started having trouble. 11 was cool. I was all right. Then when did the sister come into play? How old was she? She was younger. She was 12 years older. 12 years old?

Starting point is 01:00:46 Your sister's old? I always imagined it your younger sister. No, no, 12 years old. Oh, so that was much easier to accept. You have a sister? No, not at all. I had a sister. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:53 It was my dad's daughter from his first marriage. But first, first, dad died first. Yes. Your dad died of? Liver failure. Cirrhosis-y thing. Cirrhosis, he was an alcoholic. Big parrot head. Yeah, my parents divorced when I was five. Of course, right when we moved to Colorado, my dad moved back to San

Starting point is 01:01:11 Francisco. So that's the last time you saw your dad. Uh, I saw him. No, I would say like once every two years, once every two years. What a shitty dad. Yeah, that's crazy. I couldn't imagine. See, like I haven't seen my son in four days and it's supposed to be Beatrice's night with him tonight. And we're arguing. We're arguing about if I'm gonna be able to see him tonight. He would miss birthdays of mine. And I'd go like, I'd talk to him and be like, what's, so what's been going on?

Starting point is 01:01:35 And he'd be like, it was my birthday two weeks ago. And he's like, oh, you didn't get the card? Oh no. He'd just lie to me. Wow. And he'd be like, oh, the post office must have lost it. And then the next year he'd be like, I missed it again. He was not a good dad. Horrible dad. Sounds bad. Horrible father to both me and

Starting point is 01:01:53 my sister. So that's what we're going to get. But your mom was great. The dad dies. My mom was good. Grandmother was awesome. No, my grandmother was not awesome. She just pretended to be awesome. And then when I was older, I found out it was all not that way. But you were a popular kid No, so that's where the voices came from. Yes. Okay. Yeah, you had a play. They started off in his head Yeah, and they started coming 100% loneliness You started do you don't do voices if you're fucking getting pussy and hanging out with me. That's why I don't do them. Oh I'm fucking two knuckles deep and every so Dan, that's a good voice. Let's finish this story. So I was, I was nailing it and

Starting point is 01:02:28 you guys took over. We're assuming Joe is so far ahead of you in the. Yeah. You guys suck. And then so his dad died when you're 11, your dad dies. 14, 14 dad dies. And then just two years later, his sister dies in a horrible car wreck. Did she die right away at least? Yeah. Incidentally killed. Thank God. Yep, and you felt terrible Yeah, but it was only your half sister. So you only felt half bad. No, that's not true at all. She was Very important to me. Really she came to my life when I was about 9 or 10. Oh Jesus she toyed No, but it was my sister. What do you want me to say? Yes. I'm wish what I thought she was toyed Lewis Can have some reverent know For once in your life.

Starting point is 01:03:06 No you wouldn't. Be serious. She was a bigger girl. A big girl? Yeah. Ladies in the soda side, pretty big girls. Big bitch, I like that. We got big gals. Okay. Funny as hell though. Really? Cool, cool as shit.

Starting point is 01:03:18 Why don't you try to be nice? She did great voices. Why don't you try to be nice? No, she didn't do voices, but I did voices, and you know, that was enough for everybody. Yeah! Yeah. Did she take you to like wrestling and shit like that? Yeah, she was't do voices, but I did voices and that was enough for everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Did she take you to wrestling and shit like that?

Starting point is 01:03:27 Yeah, she was cool as fuck. She got me into music. I always imagine a pretty young blonde girl that fucking just threw a fucking windshield. Actually, everything about it is opposite. Brunette, bigger girl, very nice, head went back, hit the window oh you see her head into this chair to see her truck to see her truck the back she got

Starting point is 01:03:50 hit boom and that killed her yeah that's crazy snap your neck the head trauma in her neck yeah Wow and then you find out that night no I found out a day later see mom waited to tell you my mom didn didn't know. Her mom called, her mom couldn't find my mom's information. Her mom didn't have my mom's info, so she called my half uncle, like my dad's half brother, and then he called my mom. He's got a lot of halves in his life. So your mother did a lot of fucking. A lot of divorces, a lot of people fucking. Your mother did eventually break the news. Well, she broke it to me the day after it happened. I came home from sleeping at a friend's house and she was like, gave me the talk.

Starting point is 01:04:27 Geez, how long did it take you to get over that? It's still going, maybe. Really? Yeah, I don't think I acknowledged it for a very long time. Just shut it out. Yeah, it was horrible. She was the only person I liked.

Starting point is 01:04:40 At the time I was angry at my mom. My mom and I were cool now. Why were you mad at your mom? I just misplaced anger. When you're raised by your mom and your dad abandons you and doesn't fuck with you, angry at my mom. My mom and I were cool now. Why were you mad at your mom? I just misplaced anger. When you're raised by your mom and your dad abandons you and doesn't fuck with you, you blame your mom. I don't know why.

Starting point is 01:04:50 I've seen it happen a couple times with friends of mine. I get it. Where you legitimately are like, you're the reason he's not around, but in reality she was the reason you're actually doing decent. Did you have friends at that time? Yeah, I had friends.

Starting point is 01:05:01 I had good friends. I just had like a- Were they nerd friends or were they cool friends? All over. I mean, I played football, so some of my friends were on the football team. Some of good friends. I just had like a nerd friends. Are they cool friends all over? I mean I played football so some of my friends were on the football team Some of them were they were just like they weren't like dorks or cool They were just like regular guy you are getting puss at that time No, I was like third or fourth tier in the friend group right you're getting when'd you suck in a pussy?

Starting point is 01:05:19 Yeah, when I'd started dating Katie When I started working in radio, When did you lose your virginity? 16, but it was a one night thing in Cancun. Ooh. Yeah, it was pretty cool. Who was that lucky lady? Just some lady. Just some broad?

Starting point is 01:05:32 Just some lady. Just some woman. She was 19. A woman. 16. I lied and told her I was 18. Yeah, you did. Where'd you fuck her, like on the beach?

Starting point is 01:05:39 I fucked her in a hotel room next to her parents. Nice. Oh, she was with her parents. She was like on vacation with her parents, and I had sex with her in the hotel room. Did she know you were a virgin? No, I didn't next to her parents. Oh, she was with her parents. She was like on vacation with her parents and I had sex with her in the hotel room. Did she know you were a virgin? No, I didn't want to tell her. You didn't tell her?

Starting point is 01:05:50 No, and I had to have her put me in her. You don't think she could tell? I was like, it was dark and I was drunk and I was like trying to get it in and she was like, I got you and I was like, whoa. I was like, whoa, yeah. You started drinking young. I started getting fucked up young.

Starting point is 01:06:03 I started getting fucked up when I was like 15. That was like every day. And then, yeah, I started drinking when I was like 17. 16, I would drink once in a while, but like 17 I started like drinking. That's a great virginity story. Oh, it was awesome. That's a great...

Starting point is 01:06:16 All I remember about it is that I... That's what you want to happen when you go away to like a foreign place and it never happens. You never hook up with somebody, you never see some just hot... It was wild. My friends did not believe me because my friends were in the hotel room.

Starting point is 01:06:27 Oh, because that would be the lie that I would also tell my friends. But it was awesome. I didn't come, I know that. And you never talked to her again because there was no social media. You don't know her name for this day. I don't remember her name.

Starting point is 01:06:37 Didn't see her the next day. What a great story. No, she was leaving. She was leaving that night and she was at the bar by herself. We were at a place. This is Dan just trying to keep up this lie going 30 years later. And I went blind.

Starting point is 01:06:48 Couldn't see. We were at a hotel across from this bar called Slices in Cancun. And we had been to this bar before on a trip where all my friends were. Pull up Slices in Cancun. Let's bring us there. I don't even know if it's there anymore. But it's a hotel directly across the street. And that's why me and my friends were like're across the street from slices and so we get drunk and then we go over there was Coco Bongo daddy-o's there was like a bunch

Starting point is 01:07:10 of clothes his friends yeah I just hang out with Zootzu Riot. They don't exist. Dan's insane. I was just crazy shoeless. You can't travel with hats. Dance fucking, dance fucking in pillows. Put it in your hat. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey around. It look up where Coco Bongo and Daddy-Os are if that's are those if those places. Coco Bongo sounds like a wrestler. It is a good wrestling name. Because there's Papa Shango, Coco Dongo. It was pretty cool. But then you decided you wanted to be a radio later in high school. Coco Dongo sounds like B's current boyfriend. Coco Bongo? He goes Lewis Lewis, call me Coco Bongo. You wanted to do radio before comedy though. No, I always wanted to do comedy. Like I said you want to do comedy first. Never thought I could do comedy.

Starting point is 01:08:07 This is not the subject. Yeah, it's the subject. It's not an interview about Dan's life. We're supposed to be giving his fucking life story. What is on your face, dude? Well, yeah. Coco Bongo's still there. Hey, Coco Bongo.

Starting point is 01:08:16 And so... I like Coco Dongo better though. Alright, so... I know, we lost... We lost to New York... The topic fell apart. The topic fell apart, dude. What did you lose to Dan's life? What did you lose to Dan's life? Yeah, Dan, you're supposed to be quiet. Dan's fell apart. Topic fell apart, dude. 16 years ago.

Starting point is 01:08:25 What did the universe say? Dan's life. Yeah, Dan, you're supposed to be quiet. Dan's fucking going on and on about his life. It's very interesting. You're asking me fucking questions. You started turning into fucking Howard Stern interview over here with fucking Dan Soder. What is this, WTF?

Starting point is 01:08:36 He fucking started doing it. This topic's fucked. Then he goes to the universe of Arizona. Storm chasing never did this. Storm chasing never did this. So yeah yeah fine. Dan goes off to U of A. He takes alcohol under the bleaches so he can drink at the game. That was at Boulder. That was at CU vs. Nebraska. That's right. Whatever.

Starting point is 01:08:54 Alright alright. It goes over to U of A. Then starts doing some stand-up comedy at University of Arizona. There you go. Laughs. Shout out laughs. Moves all the way around. laughs moves shouting out the reaction he got I got out laughter shout out the feeling of joy shout out performance shout out stage presence shout out applause decides to pursue his, sexy dream of doing comedy in New York. Wants to get on SNL. Moves here. SNL I didn't ever thought.

Starting point is 01:09:29 Goes to stand up in New York, starts doing the checks. That's where he meets the fucking rattlesnake. And the list and the truth. That's answering phone calls. Gets a job at the Mexican restaurant. El Camino's. El Camino's. Hooks up with Joe DeRosa.

Starting point is 01:09:43 Comes over my house for lunch one day. Yeah, sex with Joe DeRosa. I beat that up. I beat that. I started doing YKWD, regular, brought in Joe one day. Met one time, he's walking through the park at one of Joe's parties, saw Katie Nolan walking her dog. No, I was like, I did Opie and Jim and that's where I met Katie in 2015. First started dating Annie Siegel. Yay!

Starting point is 01:10:06 Shout out Annie. That shit. That was my girlfriend when I first moved to the city. A couple other gals, we're down with some comics, some famous comics that we all know, won't say names. Whoa!

Starting point is 01:10:15 Fuck Kelly Fustuca. Bang Kelly Fustuca. Whoa! Whoa, what is this part of the topic? Briefly engaged to Kelly Fustuca. Guys. And then I got billions, got billions. Didn't get us an album.

Starting point is 01:10:27 Wait, wait, wait. You're forgetting Bonfire. Guinness. Guinness. Guinness. Guinness. That's what Corporate Dan was born. Yes.

Starting point is 01:10:35 I'm talking about Guinness. Yeah, Guinness was what got me out of waiting tables with those communities. But then Sirius came at you, wanted to do a show with you. Yeah. Then you were like, let's do it with Jay. Jay and I were doing a podcast. And then you wound up doing a.

Starting point is 01:10:47 Doing the bonfire. For $50 a show. First they paid you a. It was a hundred a show for six shows. For both of you, very low money, but you took it and said fuck it. I gave Jay 50. We did six test shows and then got the bonfire.

Starting point is 01:11:01 And then at the same time I had tested on SNL, didn't get it. Didn't get it, but you know who did. Pete Davidson. Pete Davidson got it. No characters. Doing all right. And then, yeah, Bonfire, and then here.

Starting point is 01:11:13 Yeah, then he got the M&M video. That's Pete Davidson, sorry. Then he dated Emily Rudgjkowski, again Pete, my bad. Pete Davidson, damn it. All right, now, who are we doing next? Get engaged to Katie. Katie Nolan, the love of my life. And then he came into the studio,

Starting point is 01:11:32 started doing the podcast today. Yeah, that's it. Life story. Had a bowl of Golden Grahams and then came here. I know the latter part of your life. Yeah. A little bit. You know him a lot.

Starting point is 01:11:42 Yeah, we'll go back a ways. That's a lot, that's a lot. Louis J. Gomez. Please. Born. Yeah. April 1st, 1982. Damn, Dan. Wow, I knew that also. His son was born December 29th, 2012.

Starting point is 01:11:57 Damn, that's pretty good, but we're gonna get there. Your marriage ended the same day. April 1st, 1982. born to Juan Lupe. Yes. Juan Lupe, yes. Juan Lupe Gomez. Juan Lupe Gomez. And Esmeralda Gomez.

Starting point is 01:12:17 This is the fun part, is what we think their lives are. A stormy, stormy night. Threw an egg at my windshield. No, you're skipping ahead. You're skipping ahead. It was Hector Gomez, stormy night. Uh. Threw an egg at my windshield. No, you're skipping ahead. You're skipping ahead. I'm just saying what I know. It was Hector Gomez, Denise Painter. All right, with the maiden name.

Starting point is 01:12:31 Yeah, okay, when did they ever get married? Nice, dude, I love a bastard boy. Maiden name, yeah, dude, they never got married. Your son is a bastard. Born April 1st, 1982, in? Rockland? No, in... Rockland? No, in Bronx. Jamaica.

Starting point is 01:12:48 In Queens. Jamaica. In Jamaica. You were born in Jamaica. I was born in Patterson, New Jersey. Oh! You knew it. I didn't know that.

Starting point is 01:12:56 But you moved to Rockland County. Moved to Rockland County, New York. Why? Why did I move to Rockland County, New York? Because your dad got stabbed. Because my dad got stabbed. And your mom wanted to get you out of the neighborhood. And your mom had to go work over and over again. My mom had to go

Starting point is 01:13:09 hook in a different county. Gotten one little fight as mommy got scared. Started hooking over there and over there. Now your sister Janessa was born Janessa Janessa that was close. Janiece. Janiece was born in 1985. Well, forget about Janiece. What about your sister? My, uh... Thank you. Hey. Fire off in those comments. Forget about Janiece.

Starting point is 01:13:32 Let's talk about your sister. It's so fucking funny. We're not talking about Janiece. That's pretty good. That's good, Joe. Thank you, everybody. No, my sister's two years older than me, Dan. Oh, wow.

Starting point is 01:13:42 I thought she was just like you thought. I thought she was a little bit more like you. I thought she was a little bit more like you. I thought she was a little bit more like you. I thought she was a little bit more like you. I thought she was a little bit more like you. I's pretty good. That's good, Joe. Thank you, everybody. Now my sister's two years older than me, Dan. Oh, wow. I thought she was just like you thought. I thought your sister was younger. And my sister was also a big bitch with brown hair.

Starting point is 01:13:53 You were- Dude, that's what we bonded. You were in a band. Salty, yeah, but that's not now. Salt of the Earth. No, Salty Black Flower. Salty and Crackers. Salty Black Flower.

Starting point is 01:14:02 Salty Black Flower came up. Salty Kid. Guys salty guys were jumping into high school. Louis is a young boy, loved wrestling. He loved every Saturday morning. I was Saturday morning. I played with toys. Just in general, it was all we played with toys. You can just skip all this part. Anybody else's topic, by the way.

Starting point is 01:14:26 Well, Bobby, when you were a kid, there weren't cartoons yet. You had to listen to the radio. Actually, yeah. You had to listen to Little Orphan Annie. You had to listen to the shadow. Bobby watched a steamboat, Willie. It was actually the first cartoons.

Starting point is 01:14:36 Yeah, everything Bobby watches now public domain. So, Lewis, as a young boy, was into skateboarding. Yeah, we should put a three minute time limit on the whole story. Yeah, this is true. Well, we won't stop to interview you for half an hour. Well, that was crazy. I agree. Well, Dan's voice got real low and his sister died.

Starting point is 01:14:57 He did start getting all sad and fucked up about his sister. I thought he was doing his impression of you the whole time, but he was just talking about his sad sister. Listen, no voices, this is what you get. Strip away the voices, you just get the sadness. If there's no voices, it's all sad. Yeah, you go, Dan, don't do a voice, I go, okay. So, young man into skateboarding, into drumming. You played the drums.

Starting point is 01:15:19 Yeah, I started taking drums when I was like in the fifth grade. Okay. First band you joined was in eighth grade. He just said that. No he didn't. No, it was ninth grade. Damn.

Starting point is 01:15:31 I'm so funny. Southey Black Flower started in the ninth grade. Was in the ninth grade. You went to prom with Claudio. Me and- A guy? The lead singer of Co-Eating Cambria went to the prom together.

Starting point is 01:15:40 A male model? They did gay prom. Yeah, I used to have sex with the lead singer of Coding Cambria. Then you graduated high school, moved to the city, start doing ticket sales. Parking. Out in Times Square. I answer an ad for the Village Voice.

Starting point is 01:15:58 I start selling Comedy Club tickets. Right in Times Square. Almost didn't get the job, by the way, because I showed up really late to the job interview I was I was roller bleeding and I didn't know there was a difference between West Broadway and Broadway downtown so I was looking I was on West Broadway looking for the office and just like for 45 minutes just pouring sweat and you know me I'm like just a crazy person so when I finally walked in I was like I have socks I

Starting point is 01:16:20 never sneakers I've literally have my roller blades in my hands and I show for the interview and they're like and when you find out what it is, like, no, they hire everybody. They're just trying to have retards on the streets selling comedy club tickets. But sorry, sir, my day's going bad. I promise to be more professional. Wearing socks in the interview.

Starting point is 01:16:36 It's crazy. And then you started selling comedy club tickets. You meet Dave Smith. Start doing a podcast. No, no, no, he meets Dave Smith first before Big J. Yes, they were friends first. And then they started. They started comedy together.

Starting point is 01:16:49 They started. I started comedy about a year and a half before him. And they started doing a podcast over on the west side of this shitty apartment on a little tiny Zoom recorder that you record your sets on. Called Hammer Fist. And you would have to hand it back and forth. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:17:02 It would be like, do this and you'd have to. We put it in the center of the room and you'd lean in. But more importantly before that, he meets Martin and you start Poster Dog Comedy. Start Poster Dog, yeah. So you start promoting shows at Stand Up New York, the Midnight Show and other shows. Then I started doing them at Dillon's.

Starting point is 01:17:16 Yep, at Dillon's and also what was the other club that closed, the Laugh, the one on Laugh Lounge. Laugh Lounge, you start doing Laugh Lounge, you meet Big J, you, Big J, and Dave start palling around. Oh yeah. You guys create the podcast Legion of Scams.

Starting point is 01:17:31 You're getting Hammer Fisting. Hammer Fisting was the one you just said it. You said it. We already covered Hammer Fisting. Then you moved over to the east side, you got that little apartment, you got the dog. Yeah, that was the dog the whole time. You had a girlfriend there too.

Starting point is 01:17:42 Who was the girlfriend? There's been a lot of girlfriends. Yeah, but you had a steady then. Louis loves and leaves. Yeah. You had a steady. Did. Who was the girlfriend? There's been a lot of girlfriends. Yeah, but you had a steady. Louis loves and leaves. Yeah. You had a steady. Did you have a steady then? I don't know.

Starting point is 01:17:50 I think you had a steady girlfriend. You're thinking of. The girl that lived with you. Who was the girl that, oh, that was B. You're thinking of Beatrice. Beatrice. When he starts Legion of Skanks, he also is doing hammer-fisting,

Starting point is 01:17:58 at this point with Chris Tinkle and Vic Garcia. And then he moved. And Legion of Skanks is a great dynamic. We bring in our friends. Our best guest, Dan Soder, comes in. Big Jay and Dan decide to start going to their own, right at this time, doing their own thing called the Bonfire on the radio

Starting point is 01:18:15 that takes all the momentum away from Legion of Skanks where we were at. Clip the wings. You know that Jay's saying that about the regs right now? What year did Bonfire start? 2015. Oh, okay. And then Louis moves to 21st Street, has the baby with Beatrice. Almost moved to LA.

Starting point is 01:18:34 Almost moved to LA. But Bobby talked him out of it. You were going to move with Nate. Nate said move out there with him. Would have changed my life. I could have went clean. Oh my God, you'd move out there with him. And you were a month away from. Would have changed my life. I could have went clean. I could have just.

Starting point is 01:18:47 Oh my God, you'd be a millionaire right now. Oh my God, dude. I'd be opening for Nate in arenas. Yeah. You'd be doing your own arenas. Nate would be, you guys would both be on pool floats right now. This is the life, ain't it, Lewis?

Starting point is 01:18:57 Aren't you glad I moved? He'd have an accent too. Yeah, he goes, I know, Nate. You know what? He goes, you know what, Nate? I could say the N word with an R out of here. It really feels better with this accent. I love it.

Starting point is 01:19:11 Really feels natural. So you start Gas Digital with Ralph. Yeah. Start Real House Podcasts right around that time. Real House Podcasts with Zach Amico. Yeah, that was going on for a while already, but it's OK. It's going on for a while already, but it's okay. It's going on for a while, you start at Skankfest.

Starting point is 01:19:27 Yada yada yada, Skankfest, this girl, I date this girl, that girl, another girl, another one, another one. James is a great little boy, you've got fantastic trim coming in and out. Bang and boom, you're like a train stop. And that's where we're at right now. And then he goes, hey, let's do the regs. Here we are. Here we are. Joe List. Oh, Joe List.

Starting point is 01:19:46 I got this. April 6th, 1982. Yeah, Doug. Damn. Born in Boston, Massachusetts. To Bob and Linda List. No, Steve. Yes.

Starting point is 01:19:57 And Linda List. No. No Linda. No Linda. Steve and Eve. Oh, man, this is gonna be hurtful. I know. I call her Mrs. List.

Starting point is 01:20:04 Damn. Come on. Steve and Eve. Steve and Linda Liss. No Linda no Linda Steve and This is gonna be hurtful. I know I call her mrs. List. Yeah Come on Connie. No Connie list is a good name Kathy. Nope Leslie, I mean Dan knows I know it. That's why I'm breaking right now. It's oh wow Wow I hope she's listening to this right now. She won't if I doesn't listen. If I know Joe's family, they don't listen to anything he does. No. Steve and Mary.

Starting point is 01:20:29 Mary. No. No, I'm calling Joe. Steve and Deb. Deb. Yeah, big Deb. Big Deb. Steve and Deb.

Starting point is 01:20:36 I should have known. It's always Steve and Deb. We gotta be quick with this. Yeah, quick. He's got an older sister. She's already in the world. She's alive, not in a car. Jesus Christ.

Starting point is 01:20:43 Come on. Be cool. She's alive. Be nice. We gotta be quick with this. Yeah, quick. He's got an older sister. She's already in the world. He's alive, not in a car. Jesus Christ. Come on. Be cool. She's alive. Me being cool. Be nice.

Starting point is 01:20:51 Sorry, Dan. Dan's quiet. Really mean. Guys, that was when I realized. Guys, let's take a moment and thank one of my favorite sponsors on the show, which is smallbatchcigar.com. They sent me an incredible package of really amazing, high quality cigars. I'm not a cigar aficionado. which is smallbatchcigar.com. They sent me an incredible package of really amazing, high-quality cigars. I'm not a cigar aficionado. I would say I'm somewhat of an enthusiast. I really like them

Starting point is 01:21:10 when I have them. I don't really know what I'm talking about, so this is the type of company that's perfect for me. Small Batch Cigar set out to revolutionize the experience of buying cigars online. They have the best packaging in the industry, and they include Boveda packs with every single order, so your cig cigar stays super, super fresh. Yeah, they were the first online vendor to provide free shipping on every order along with a free Boveda pouch. Their customers also earned 5% rewards points on almost every order with very few exceptions like the Limited Cigar or the Month Clubs.

Starting point is 01:21:40 Truly the best customer service on the planet. If you like cigars, get them shipped to you. Get them in small batches in two to three days. All you got to do right now is go to smallbatchcigar.com, smallbatchcigar.com, and use the promo code REGZ for 10% off plus 5% rewards points. You want it, they got it, smallbatchcigar.com. All right. Boom. Joe List. Young, fun, loves sports, the Bruins are number one. Well hold on, this is before, loves sports,

Starting point is 01:22:06 sporty kid, gets into cross country and high school, hell of an athlete. The parents opt for no braces for some reason. Not true. Bad braces. Bad braces. Or the leg braces. Orthodontist, didn't understand why it didn't work,

Starting point is 01:22:20 he took his own life. Joe goes to high school. He went to the worst dentist in the entire state of Massachusetts. Well, I guess I'm a dentist, but I guess I could be an orthopedist. Or a dentist too if you want. I could try this out. He had the only set of defective braces in the history of Massachusetts. I can't believe you had braces. That's crazy. It is. That's really amazing. Well, I guess they had the retainer or whatever the fuck. Yeah. It's fucked up. God shook up guess they had the retainer or whatever the fuck. Yeah fucked up God shook up his teeth again You need to go get a refund

Starting point is 01:22:57 Like it's not like they gave me a retainer and I was like fuck that I was saying my mother I'm like I don't remember ever getting a retainer. She's like neither do do I. I think they just were like, you're good to go. No, that's fine. You just go to sleep like that, kid. Fucking idiot. You wore braces for three years for no reason. They go, doctor, you didn't give him a retainer. He goes, it's how you keep business.

Starting point is 01:23:18 All the teeth are gonna go mishmash. Well that, and they left like glue stains too. I used to do a bit about this. I'm like, so a side effect of braces is crooked yellow teeth? It's horrible. So he's an athlete in high school, cross country, zings, loves pranks. Cross country running?

Starting point is 01:23:36 Yeah, guy can go distance dude. Yeah, still can. And then. I don't know if that's an athlete. Well I played baseball and basketball too. Yeah, he can ball. Get him on the court. That starts working. No question about it. Steer starts working at Sears Roebuck while he starts comedy at 18 years old.

Starting point is 01:23:51 Yeah, starts comedy. 18 years old comedy connection. Open mic meets all of his best friends in the world. Tom Dustin, Alvin David, all these people that he Shane Moss, all these people that came up with tutors under some of the best comics. The Boston scene still strong. Sees a young Dane Cook, Shane Moss, all these people he came up with, tutors under some of the best comics, the Boston scene still strong, sees a young Dane Cook, Robert Kelly sometimes comes around. You knew who he was? I saw Bobby open for Dane, it was Gary Gullman

Starting point is 01:24:15 and Bobby and Dane, and I had Bobby's little gay sticker on my notebook. You were a fan, you were a fan of Bobby's at the time. Huge fan. Wow. Yeah, at the time. That's gay. That's key. Joe List ripping it up, getting drunk, causing havoc in Boston. Yeah. Uh, it's herpes and he's in a park. He bangs a check raw dogs. He does. He moves. He moves to New York city.

Starting point is 01:24:36 He opens for Goldman. He goes on the road and Nick DePaulo and he got to open for David Tell for Dane Cook. A lot of the big dogs, Colin Quinn, Colin Quinn and Nick DePaulo were very close to him. They love Joe. They talk him into moving to New York. Joe moves to Astoria, New York with Dan Bolger and Ira Proctor. Wow. They live on 41st. These guys are actual friends. This is real friendship and just starts hitting the open mics. We, we meet in April of 2007. Wow. Right when he moves, we start hanging out. He moved, you know, he talks me into moving to Astoria later that year. But then Joe, what's that? Where were you living? I was living on a couch in Hoboken.

Starting point is 01:25:18 Joe goes on a run, gets his HBO festival. That's where Dan conceptualizes podcasts. Yeah, Joe goes on a run, Las Vegas festival that Joe wins. Yeah. He gets a spot on Live at Gotham. It's passed at the cellar. Yes. He's fucking cooking, boozing too much. At this point, he's 17 years into his career. Yeah, but then.

Starting point is 01:25:40 All falls apart. But then. When did you bring him in here? Well, I knew Joe. I started doing your podcast in 2000. No, I was at your house was the first time. The house was the first time. I think it was in the kitchen. I believe it was March of 2011.

Starting point is 01:25:53 2011, yeah, because that was the year I quit Waiting Tables. But he also opened for you at Caroline's in 2010. You did? In 2009 or 2010. Brought me in the green room, that was the first time I actually physically met you, because's featuring Bobby I knew you before I knew Dan well he opened for you I think I met you I met Don she was there too because yeah oh I lived in Everett you were smoking a cigarette in the

Starting point is 01:26:15 green room and yet you had hair and then Joe meets you he's when he moves in New York becomes great pals with Mark Norman, a bunch of other guys. Him and Norman start a podcast called Tuesdays with Stories. Joe finds out maybe the drinking isn't helping. On the road with Gary Goldman at Healium in Philadelphia in December of 2012. Wow!

Starting point is 01:26:37 Stops drinking, starts turning his life around, starts going to Allen. Guy starts writing great bits, becomes friends with Louis C.K., he gets fucking Montreal, he gets Conan, he gets Letterman, then he gets Conan, he starts killing it. You had all that happening, you're still right here. What a storied career. It sounds like you're reading fucking Jerry Seinfeld's career. Nothing I've ever done has hit.

Starting point is 01:27:04 And then he becomes a... It sounds like you're reading fucking Jerry Seinfeld's career. Nothing I've ever done has hit. And then he becomes a... There's been like ten things where I'm like, here we go. Broken, Last Comic Standing. Oh, Last Comic Standing, I forgot you got to the Sun Eyes. Why do you think we're doing this? I mean, everything I've ever done, I'm like, there it is. This is the island of broken toys.

Starting point is 01:27:19 I do everything late. Letterman. I'm the guy that everybody gets the thing over. They go, oh fuck. And then he's friends with Sarah Tallimache. Some of these are out of order, but. Yeah, but they start drinking, they start dating, and then they fall in love. They have a baby. They have a baby. You drank together first. No, Sarah was. We drank together once, but we weren't dating. She was sober before we started dating. There were friends. Yeah, she was the chick that was around. And I remember he kind of liked her. And then at the Chris Laker Awards,

Starting point is 01:27:49 he went on stage and revealed he had herpes. Yeah. And then he went to the back and she was she was like, I really think that's great. I think that's good that you did that. People should be more public. And I was like, oh, this bitch has herpes. I'll pursue her. That's why I started pursuing her. Yeah. And she turned out later, she was just like a thoughtful person. She was a nice person. She was just nice. So there you go. And then we rode back together, the three of us in a cab after that. I mean I was blacked out. I was blacked out

Starting point is 01:28:12 drunk. Yeah, we were. And she just sat in between two drunk idiots. You got dropped on your head by Nate on the dance floor. Yeah, that was bad. Yeah, that was a great f***ing night. Do you think part of her was hoping that you guys went home and double teamed her? I don't think so. I don't think so. I think that was probably I don't think she was trying to think the whole time or had. She was probably like, I don't think she was trying to get the air one in my mouth. So I don't think she's a double team kind of gal, but it's entirely possible

Starting point is 01:28:37 that she was like, I wouldn't mind dating this Dan and I got my head out the window like the Joker and then she was like, I'll take this fucking idiot. This fucking Herbie's written piece of shit. Bobby Kelly, born. We did Bobby. Did we? No, we did not do Bobby.

Starting point is 01:28:54 We did me, Lewis, Joe, and now we go to the pod father. Born December. No. March 8th. No. May 8th. May 9th. No. March. Fucking idiot. March. Joe'sth. No. May 8th. May 9th. No.

Starting point is 01:29:05 March. Fucking idiot. March. Joe's just saying no. No, you're just saying no. You guys don't know my fucking birthday. Yeah, I do. March.

Starting point is 01:29:12 No, you just had one. April. No, it's October. It's October. October 18th. Yes. October 6th. October 6th.

Starting point is 01:29:19 No. That's the greatest day in history. October 8th. I knew it was like. He was born October 8th. I had October. 1951. No, 1951. No, 1951, you fucking idiot.

Starting point is 01:29:28 1935. He was born in 74. No. October 74. 1974. I was born in 82. You think he was born in 74? 1970.

Starting point is 01:29:36 I don't know. October 8th, 1970. 1970. Robert Patrick Kelly. That's my middle name. Boom, I got a birthday month and the middle name. Robert Patrick Michael Kelly, your confirmation name. No, Robert Patrick Kelly. What's my middle name. Boom, I got it. Birthday month and the middle name. Robert Patrick Michael Kelly, your confirmation name. No, Robert Patrick Kelly.

Starting point is 01:29:48 What is your confirmation name? Robert Patrick Kelly. His father, Ohulahan Kelly. Malden, Massachusetts. I was born in Malden, Massachusetts. All right. Thank you, Joe. Malden, Massachusetts, that's correct.

Starting point is 01:29:59 All right. And was it Al and the Monkeys with Al DelBene and Dane Cook? I mean, you skip it a lot. I mean, you hold on. He grows up. I'm just saying what I know about you. His dad out of here.

Starting point is 01:30:08 Dad was gone. Mom raised him and his sister. My mom? Well, no. Oh, no. Your mom had your sister with your stepdad. No, my sister's my sister. Damn it.

Starting point is 01:30:19 She's alive? Big bitch, brown hair? First drink at one. I mean, he's not fucking lying. Big bitch, brown hair first drink at one Skinny blonde sister. Yeah, it's Weird. She's pregnant. She's petite. Yeah, skinnies make people say skinny but like, she's a fit. Big big big girls, brown hairs make the best sisters till they're killed. Skinny makes it sound like she's on heroin. She's like a regular person. Whatever. I'm just trying to be your dad and mom have you to she's my younger. My dad went

Starting point is 01:31:03 to Vietnam, came back, they got divorced. What the hell? Yeah, that's disgusting. Then she got, she got- What did he just went to visit? We, no, he went to a fight. What's going on in Hanoi? We lived with my grandmother with 13 people in a house.

Starting point is 01:31:17 Jesus Christ. Whoa. And then my mother got remarried to a- Piece of shit. Piece of shit. Who beat you. Yeah. And was mean. And then- then you sucked his dick for a steak. No, no, no.

Starting point is 01:31:27 Kid in the neighborhood. It was in there. That was before the gang bang. You got drunk. You were, you had to, it was before I was sober. You were, yeah, I was just hungry. It was before they gang banged the retarded girl in the school bus.

Starting point is 01:31:39 Yeah. You start drinking when you're eight or nine. Yeah. No, I started drinking. I started drinking when I was 11 years old. I started drinking when I was 10. You hit rock bottom when you were 10, you decided you gotta eight or nine. Yeah. No, I started drinking when I was 11 years old. I started drinking when I was 10. You hit rock bottom when you were 10, you decided you gotta really put the bottle away.

Starting point is 01:31:49 You're a chimney sweeper. You realized you couldn't do the job and also you're a drug. You're gonna get stuck in a chimney. I started drinking when I was 10. Started drinking when you were 10, you robbed a pizza place when you were 13. 13 robbed a pizza place.

Starting point is 01:32:01 So you get sober, you go to the teenage house. No, I went to jail. You went to jail, because it was a felony, so you go to Juve. You go a pizza place. So you get sober you go to the teenage house? No, I went to jail. You went to jail because it was a felony so you go to juvie. Go to juvie. And then they put you in the halfway house. Nope, then I went got out went to a foster home got out went home went back to jail at 14. Okay and then you get sober. I got foster home, went back to the family. She got remarried to a nice guy Larry. Larry! Just all the way a couple years ago. You remember Larry, you've met Larry guy, Larry. Larry. Just a couple of years ago. Remember Larry, you've met Larry. Met Larry. Larry's a smart.

Starting point is 01:32:27 Larry just died. Rest in peace. Larry's dead. Re-arrived by a car. No. Through the back window. No, he did die. No?

Starting point is 01:32:35 You don't want that karma. That's not what happened? No, hit his head, got sepsis. So there you go. It's another head injury. Wow, do you feel stupid? And Alan said you need to accept this. That's fun. You got six sepsisuddin okay gonna rest it again at 15 yeah rochette moved to Rochester New York or Spencerport Spencerport New York went

Starting point is 01:32:57 from foster home to Spencerport you started smoking cigarettes used to roll them up in your sleeve I did do do that. I started going to 10 though. And then he started running a home for retarded people. No. I went. Carl, you know what, dude? No, I got arrested. Then I went to rehab for 14 months. Okay.

Starting point is 01:33:16 At 15. At 15. They tried to make him go to rehab. And he said, okay, dude. Dude, dude, dude. Is this gonna expunge you from my record, dude? So. Got sober. Get sober at 15. Is this gonna expunge it from my record, dude? So, get sober. Get sober at 15.

Starting point is 01:33:26 Move back to my mom's house. You get your GED. No. Okay. Went to high school. Graduated high school. Graduated high school. And your mom's just there every day

Starting point is 01:33:36 with big fucking tits, I bet. No, she didn't have big tits. Huge fucking tits. And then you, No, I moved into, I actually left my mom's house, went to live with a foster father. Okay. And then I met him in your nipples. No, I actually left my mom's house, went to live with a foster father. Okay.

Starting point is 01:33:47 And then I went to, I got a, I went to Bunker Hill Community College for Art. And then that's when you ran, and that's when you started comedy. That's when you went into Robin Williams. I didn't run into, no, I got, I did a talent show. Okay.

Starting point is 01:34:02 Improv sketch. And that's when Al and the Monkeys started. That's when I met Dane and Al and Jay and we did that. That's when I was like, I'm out. You're out. Quick college, I'm doing standup. And then you start doing standup around. Standup and acting.

Starting point is 01:34:15 At Calhoun, the Chinese place, Nick's Comedy Stop. The Comedy Connection. Comedy Connection, all of them. And you guys are palling around. That's where I met Patrice. Bill Burr. Billy. All those guys. Al Del Bening. All those them. And you guys were piling around. That's where I met Patrice. Bill Burr. Billy. All those guys.

Starting point is 01:34:27 Aldo Bening. All those guys. Well, you were in Al and the Monkeys. Al and the Monkeys, yeah. Yeah, with Aldo Bening. And then Dane popped off. Dane blew up in Boston. In Boston, he popped off.

Starting point is 01:34:38 Barry Katz, we started coming to New York. And didn't Burr move to LA and get a pilot? No, we all were coming to New York together. And then we all would try to get on stage. We went to the Boston. Dane went on stage, murdered. Barry Catten, Bonnie, you're really good. He kind of got Dane to move to New York.

Starting point is 01:34:56 Then Billy moved to New York. Then Patrice moved to New York. OK. And then you and Al? No, Al didn't move to New York yet. I got a call from Matt Frost, who's my agent today. Shout out, Matt Frost. Saw my acting, because I quit comedy

Starting point is 01:35:10 for two years in Boston. Okay. So they were all doing stand-up, I quit to do acting. And Matt Frost used to work at the Boston Comedy Club, and then got in. The door guy. Yeah, he was the door guy, then he got in, what happened?

Starting point is 01:35:24 Finally, my prayers were answered. Oh my God. Did you pull your mic out? What about here? Right here? Did you pull that out? You fucking idiot. So Matt Frost sees you, falls in love with you, goes, hey. No, says he likes my acting.

Starting point is 01:35:37 Okay. So he moves to New York. Not my comment. I don't want to date you, I just want to be friends. Yep. And then Billy Burr got a go pilot. I'll be like, dude, are you really made of Frost? I think I'll come. Yeah. All right, dude, I've always wanted to be friends. And then Billy Burr got a go pilot. I'll be like, dude, are you really made of frosting?

Starting point is 01:35:45 I'll come. Yeah. Dude, I've always wanted to be friends with a giant milkshake dude. You're a real person dude. Are you like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man? Where are you? Fuck, are you a swirl?

Starting point is 01:35:55 If you're chocolate, can I say the N word? So Burr moves to LA, gets a pilot. He got a go pilot, moved to LA, still kept his place. Kept his place in New York. You moved down here. I moved to his place. Me and him are roommates for three years. Boom, boom, boom.

Starting point is 01:36:10 How crazy, you and Burr lived together and DePaulo and Louie lived together. Probably around the same time. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, you and Burr lived together in Manhattan? 97th and Lex. And then DePaulo and Louie were in Astoria. They were in Astoria, yeah.

Starting point is 01:36:22 Yeah, that's nuts. And then you get in at the cellar, ba-ba-ba-ba-bum, you go on tour with Dane, because he's basically like the, did you move to LA before? I moved to LA for two years. You moved to LA? That's where I hooked up with Dawn again.

Starting point is 01:36:38 Me and Dawn met at an Italian restaurant where we worked, where I got Gary Gorman a job. In LA? In Boston. Okay. I met her at Boston waiting tables. Okay. We dated a little bit but I was I was peak Bobby. Yeah you were hot. Yeah Dawn was you know she was a you know sweet she was a nice girl. You gonna say six. She was severely... She was sev...

Starting point is 01:37:07 Sev-rel... Sev-rel people away from me so I couldn't talk to her anymore. I did dump her for a smokin' hot chick. It was like this night... And that girl's probably dead right now. This 19 year old... Who probably struck her head on the back of a truck. Big brown haired bitch.

Starting point is 01:37:24 I broke up with Don to date this one. The only the back of a truck. Big brown haired bitch. I broke up with Dawn to date this on. The only way to have a sister. And then I moved to New York. And then when I moved to LA, I got a pilot in LA that I thought was gonna go. What was the pilot? It was called Adrenaline Run.

Starting point is 01:37:42 What was it about? Who was it with? Who was the big star? Remember they used to have the helicopters, new stuff in LA? They'd always have helicopters. They took those real helicopter chases and then built a story around them.

Starting point is 01:37:53 And we were called the adrenaline runners. They would call us to go chase the cars in the highway. Oh wow. Who else was on the pilot? Anybody? Nobody. Damn. Nobody.

Starting point is 01:38:03 But the guy who actually made the pilot was Frank Lupo, who created the A-Team and Hunter. Damn. Nobody. But the guy who actually made the pilot was Frank Lupo, who created the A-Team and Hunter. Damn. So it was kind of cool to have him. His better days were behind him. You know, it was kind of cool to watch him do things that I wasn't involved in that were really successful.

Starting point is 01:38:16 Yeah, well, we thought it was going to be successful. So then you moved back. You're in LA. You hooked back up with Dawn. Well, when I went to LA, Dawn moved to LA. For what? I don't know. Her and her friend just moved to LA

Starting point is 01:38:25 So she was a six in Boston Why would she go she goes I should make this harder You know, I feel like I'm getting too much attention So she she went out there I wound up staying with with her as friends, then we hooked up again. And then when the pilot didn't go, I... You dipped. We moved in together. We got a place together.

Starting point is 01:38:54 And then Patrice came out. Yeah. Of the closet? Wow. He came out to do something. We were in a competition together. And I went through one round and got douched and he kept going, so he was staying with me.

Starting point is 01:39:07 He was sleeping on the floor in my fucking apartment. And he told me. That's when he was part of Bobby and the Monkeys. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:39:18 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he gets you to move. You should have made it singular. Yeah. You should have. So you moved back to New York. You should have made it singular.

Starting point is 01:39:25 So you moved back to New York. No, he actually told me. At that time, I wasn't doing stand up. They weren't getting me on at the club. And I started getting into cooking. You could have been a chef. I started cooking a little. I think he started getting into eating.

Starting point is 01:39:41 And that was just means to an end. What year are we talking? Because I came here in 02 and went to the cellar every night. 99. Because you'd always be at the cellar in 02 every night. 99, I was in LA in 2000 and Patrice came to my house and I made him barbecue chicken. And he took a couple bites and he goes,

Starting point is 01:39:58 you gotta leave LA. I'm like, why? He goes, this is the best barbecue chicken I've ever had in my life. That's really funny. He goes, you're a cook now chicken I've ever had in my life. That's really funny. He goes, you're a cook now. You gotta go back to New York. So you moved back here to be a cook?

Starting point is 01:40:10 No, he's saying you're getting too good at cooking. You gotta get out of here. I missed the point completely. The point is, he's not doing enough comedy. He's like an expert cook. He's like, you gotta go to New York. I moved to New York two months later. I left.

Starting point is 01:40:23 I told Donna, I'm leaving. You can come if you want. She's like, I wish I could. She's not been trying. We should put in some effort like, she was going to move back to Boston and then I w you know, whatever. But she's like, I'll go with you. And we moved to New York and we got an apartment in a 43rd and a between 10th and 11th, Doorman Building. Moved back to, we drove all the way across country, put our shit in a storage unit, got the apartment, and I just started doing the cellar.

Starting point is 01:40:53 That's crazy. And then, yeah. And then. Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, you meet three young bucks. Yeah. You start, you know what, dude? Well, before then, I'm. Start using us, using our talent,

Starting point is 01:41:02 building an audience for yourself. I almost lost on before that. Oh, I remember the story. Car accident. Car accident. Car accident. Back of the head, she survived though. We almost broke up.

Starting point is 01:41:11 Enough neck muscles to keep her alive. What'd you do? I got caught cheating. You got caught cheating, yeah. But I got caught all of it. Yeah, I remember hearing this on The Worst when you did it with Big Jay. It was bad, it was bad, it was really bad.

Starting point is 01:41:24 But you made it through? I came home was bad. It was bad. It was really bad. But you made it through? I came home at five in the morning and the door was locked. And then I heard the elevated door open. She was upstairs at her friend's house and she had my computer, my phone, crying. I'm getting anxiety thinking about that right there. Just the idea of your,

Starting point is 01:41:40 Doug, I'm doing this on stage. I'm talking about this. This is crazy shit. Do you know this? What? You see this? You heard about this? Have you heard about this? Dude I'm talking about this. This is crazy shit. Do you know this? What? You see this? You heard about this? Have you heard about this?

Starting point is 01:41:48 Dude, in your text messages. Louis J. Leno. Do you know this? He goes, hi, have you seen this? You heard about this? If you hit edit and it goes down, it says show recently deleted. You don't delete your text messages.

Starting point is 01:41:56 Do you know that? No. I have nothing, I don't give a shit. You know you don't delete your text messages? They're just in your phone? She can have my phone now, I don't care. She uses my phone. It don't give a shit. You know, you don't delete your text messages. They're just in your phone. My she can have my phone now. Okay. She uses my phone. It's fucking crazy. Gentlemen, there must be a place you can delete again. No, you can delete those. Right? No. What do I do? I'm warning the guys out there

Starting point is 01:42:15 to go fucking protect yourselves, protect yourself for your record or just live right or live right or just be a committed part. You'd be a good dude or you could just fucking protect yourself because you do not delete your text message. That is wild though, that if they knew about that and you didn't, you'd be like, you fucking witch. No, it's wild.

Starting point is 01:42:32 You brought it back. It's wild. You brought my dead. You only know about that when you go into your phone so much to delete shit, where you're like, you get there, and you're like, oh my God. And when I found out the first time,

Starting point is 01:42:40 I was like, that's fucking, yeah. Yeah, that's a bad, I mean, that was bad. Yeah, but you made it through. We made it through, which that's when I started going to Allen shortly after that. Shout out A-Rock. Then I moved, I bought my, that's when I went on Tourgasm. Go on Tourgasm. Tourgasm.

Starting point is 01:42:57 You buy 47th Street. Took every single penny I made off of the tour, I didn't make any money off of Tourgasm. Yeah. We didn't get paid. Off the tour. The tour, Me and Gary and Jay David did after that with live nation that everyone

Starting point is 01:43:08 thought Dane was on. We're furious. Well, he didn't even promote. I specifically was outside of Madison Square Garden selling comedy club tickets. Are you just playing the garden? Where are we playing? No, we're playing New York. No, we're not the garden. It was. Where'd you play in New York? You played somewhere in New York because I was outside of it, specifically selling tickets to comedy clubs, and I remember there was people pissed off

Starting point is 01:43:29 that Dane wasn't on the show. They found out as they walked up that Dane wasn't on the show. No, we didn't play New York. You sure? No, we didn't play. We did a tour all over the country, but small theaters, and they gave us a guarantee, and I took that guarantee,

Starting point is 01:43:41 and I bought my apartment on 47th Street. And then I started doing podcasting. But I started podcasting. With Colin Quinn. Well I did it on a thing, it was an app that you called and left a voice message for fans and you could give out the number. It's called Gcast.

Starting point is 01:43:57 And you're supposed to leave like a two minute voice message for your fans. Me and Colin would talk for like a half hour. That's hilarious. And we would just leave it on. I had a web guy leave it on a website so people could go and just listen to our voice message. And then we did like a.

Starting point is 01:44:12 Do you still have those? There's some. Yeah, people actually got them. You should put those up. Those are like, they're out? They're somewhere, yeah. You got to find those. That's fun.

Starting point is 01:44:21 I think they're on YouTube. Robert Kelly and sometimes Colin Quinn, because sometimes he would tell me to fuck off. That's great. I think they're on YouTube. Robert Kelly and sometimes Conor Quinn, because sometimes he would tell me to fuck off. That's great. He wouldn't do it all the time. And then I started doing it with DeRosa. You know what, dude? I actually bought my first system off of Todd,

Starting point is 01:44:33 what's that black dude, Todd? Todd Lynn? Todd Lynn sold me my first, all this bullshit. Because he was a radio guy. He sold me all that stuff, and that's when I started doing it with DeRosa. And then you handed me down all that stuff after I started podcasting. Yeah, I gave it to you. I gave me all that stuff. And that's when I started doing it with DeRosa. You handed me down all that stuff after I started podcasting. Yeah, I gave it to you.

Starting point is 01:44:47 I gave you all my stuff. That was the hammer fisting stuff. Yeah. I would give him all my, like my, when I got a, Yeah, it was like the two years outdated shit. I was always like two years behind. Yeah, I would give him all my stuff. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:44:58 And then I started doing DeRosa at my house. And then you came. DeRosa brought me in. Then I met, I met Louis, cause he lived right down the street from you Live on the same block. Yeah, he lived on 47th with that roommate that kicked you out because he thought you were gonna try to kill him Yeah, yeah, I'm not that's what I met this fucking maniac. Yeah, and then I brought Joe over for an episode Yeah brought Joe over it was supposed to be happy blew it off. Yep, and then you Louis J Gomez

Starting point is 01:45:22 Yeah, and then you moved into the cellar studio. I moved here, but you guys remember, we used to have to put blankets up. Yeah. And we had to take down the studio every day. Dude, the walls are cold. Blankets up? I don't remember what sound.

Starting point is 01:45:36 We had blankets. I would put blankets up. It would be a big, you know what? We were only in this section. I think I was pretty fucked up. I don't remember the blankets. Yeah. And then he had beard.

Starting point is 01:45:45 It was a shitty felt like picture of us. It was like a picture of us at the table behind us at the table. It was retarded. When you see the old episodes, you're like, what the fuck's going on? I remember that. Because this whole room was all the shit.

Starting point is 01:45:56 All of the things would move too much. Gnomes, guitars were all around us. Yes, mandolins. We had to make the studio every time we did an episode. Yeah, and then we did that, and then... Dada, dada, dada, you have Max. Bum, bum, bing, ba, boom, you move. No, you had James first. Yeah, you had James in December.

Starting point is 01:46:12 Your story. I remember holding James. You had James in December, you had Max in May. Well, yeah, we were trying to get a baby after that, yes. Yeah. All right, my topic is if you have to eat cum, what food would you eat it on? A pineapple. That's a better topic. I do it on eat cum, what food would you eat it on? A pineapple.

Starting point is 01:46:26 That's a better topic. I do it on a- We spent way too much time on that topic. That was an hour. I would do a cracker. Really? Yeah, cum on a cracker? No, you want salty and sweet, I'd do it on an apple slice.

Starting point is 01:46:36 Yeah, apple slice or pineapple, dude? I'm thinking- Pineapple, that's what I said. That's delicious. Yeah, I like- Oh, this, just some pineapples and cum on it. I'm thinking vanilla ice cream. Oh, let it mix in? I want, I like this just some pineapples come on vanilla ice cream. Oh Yeah, but then you're gonna ruin vanilla ice cream for the rest of the night caramel salted caramel dude

Starting point is 01:46:54 Yeah, you're trying to get the flavors salted and just a hot dog just across the top That way it's like you're sucking something I would do it do it on a premium cracker, like a sardine. Would you put a cracker on top of the cracker? Sure. Make a little kid sandwich. Honestly, you could use it as the filling for a Boston cream donut. Boston cream pie donut. Shoot it in.

Starting point is 01:47:16 Oh, let's do that tonight. Just goos into your mouth. Oh my God. Go to Krispy Kreme. You go, oh fuck, I'm going to lose it. The donut goes, shoot it in me. God, you're so bad. Yeah. What else? What other, uh, that's the animals. But what? Are we almost done? Cause I'm going to save my topic for the next episode. Cause it's good.

Starting point is 01:47:38 So just chill time is the next episode. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's almost four. I gotta go. Yeah, we gotta go. Um, I got to go. Yeah, we got to go. I got my topic next episode. Can you give us a preview? We won't talk about it? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, but it's good. My topic was good, too. That wasn't even my topic. That's just what came into my head.

Starting point is 01:47:56 That's what came into your food. Louis's biography topic fucked up the rest of the show. No, I thought it was going to be three minutes each. We're going to make 20 clips. Well, you didn't say that in the beginning. And then you start talking about my sister, and that's sad. You guys are friends. Yeah, they're friends.

Starting point is 01:48:09 That's what we found out. You guys, I found this out. None of you know me. Nope. Well, this is what happened, though. Because Soder and I. Not even my fucking first name. Bobby, you know what?

Starting point is 01:48:18 You're so old that it's like I zone out. It's like I'm watching a black and white movie when you're talking about your life. You're an elder. Yeah, it's like. Soder and I came up together. We had no jobs. We were sitting around together all day. Yeah. But I, I fucking, I took you guys in. Yeah. It's like learning about your teacher. Yeah. You're Mr. Kelly. To me, you were, you were a guy I knew about you from

Starting point is 01:48:38 seeing you at the comedy college. I mean, my friends are, my friends are Norton, Voss, Holland, Perr. Yeah, they're all gay or handicapped. You're one of my closest friends. But you know nothing about me. I don't know your story. Guys, what about over here? Let's talk about our big brown-haired sisters that we once had. Huh? What?

Starting point is 01:49:01 My sister's still alive. Yeah, mine too. Well, all you guys are, except mine. But we know you, the essence of you. Yeah, we do. We got most of the details right. You're from Boston, you started, Alan the Monkey's, you moved here.

Starting point is 01:49:12 Hell of a barbecue chicken. That should have been it. Ba ba ba ba. Bing bing boom boom boom. Yeah, then we could have got to our subjects, which by the way, next episode. Topics, not subjects. Next topic.

Starting point is 01:49:21 It's a topic. You're blowing our minds? God, you guys are gonna come in your pants. You thought storm chasing revolutionized the show. Soda. It's a topic. You're blowing our minds? God, you guys are gonna come in your pants. You thought storm chasing revolutionized the show. Soda does not have a topic. Yeah, I actually have a great one. I'll whisper it to you. Is that right?

Starting point is 01:49:32 Whisper it to me. Oh, that's good. Ah! That's good. Ah! And this guy hates when I do voices. Yeah, because I don't actually think it's good. What the fuck?

Starting point is 01:49:47 Totally whatever. Oh, now they're gonna be mad at him in the comments and he's gonna say this was a bit. Yeah. Classic. All right, let's go. Let's wrap this up. That's not a bit, that sucks.

Starting point is 01:49:55 That topic sucks. My topic's good. You wanna hear my topic? Yeah. I just want whispers in my ear. And cover my mouth. God, you're so gay. Oh my God.

Starting point is 01:50:01 Oh, dude. This is awesome. I wanna come in here. I wanna eat your cake. Oh my god. Oh dude. I wanna come in here. I wanna eat your cake. Oh. No. Oh that's really, that actually is really good. What the fuck?

Starting point is 01:50:13 And I wanna know what the topic is. That one's actually really good. What the fuck? That one's really good, but no one's gonna know any of the people you're talking about. What about my topic? That's my prediction. So you don't think mine's good at all?

Starting point is 01:50:21 No, it's pretty good. Mine's good. It's a mind- Louis is gonna trash yours though Check it out. We're gonna be make sure you get tickets to July 10th grammar see grammar see which is a Podcast that's a live podcast a live podcast August 15th at the melody tent in Cape Cod is a stand-up show hosted by Rich Voss. We're all going out, you know, it's gonna be a fucking hell of a time. We got to get an Airbnb still, but we're gonna have a hell of a time.

Starting point is 01:50:54 What's that? What? Oh, all right. So yeah, there you go. That's the episode. We'll see you guys next time on the regs.

Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Pool Park | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #15

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