Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Poughkeepsie...Thank You

Episode Date: June 20, 2010

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What's up, it's Robert Kelly Do another podcast shut the fuck up No, you're on the party, but you don't fight you've never done it I thought I gave an intro you don't give an intro my intro you motherfucker I don't like that. I don't even know who you are. They could. I don't like this. I don't like this.

I don't like this. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that.

I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that.

I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that., it's up there. Yo, it's out of Rivera. I'm kicking it. We're not a fucking R&B radio station, Tic-Tac. We're on my iPhone and you're fucking Mazda. Driving home from Pachypsey. I was excited. You just took the wind out of my seat. So we're driving home now. Fucking me and Eric did Pachypsey.

Fucking last night Friday. Yeah. Amazing. Fuck yeah, it was a great show. Blast, loved it. Fucking free flow and unbelievable. Tonight, first show? It was good.

They were fucking, for me, amazing. For me, I love this, this first show tonight. I, I liked it. It's, it's, uh, it's, uh, there are some of your creepy fans. I know they look like they live in basement. No offense. Well that's good. Well you know man I don't know I fucking love the second the first show tonight. The second show it was fucking again fucking drunk chicks coming in and fucking drunk chicks coming in, you know, not fans. They just bought tickets to the show, whatever.

You know, sat up front and fucking yeah. And they got kicked out, kicked the fuck out. Which, you know, and this is what blows me away, dude, is they got kicked out and they told not to talk, not to fuck and through the whole fuck. This is why the girl said, I wasn't taught, I was laughing the whole time, I wasn't even talking. That's how mental she was. I have to get her boyfriend doesn't put her in check or tell her. What do you want to hear mine?

He fucking slapped her in the head dude. You didn't see that? No! This is brilliant. We're on the show and this fucking kid, I said, you know, there's a chunky white chick and a hot brunette with the fucking UFC fighter type dude. And they're sitting at a table with two girls

that were actually at the show last night, two hot chicks that were at the show last night. They came back tonight. Best of the cleavage I thought. From, bro. A fucking beautiful both of them. They came back and sat. They were sitting in front row.

The blonde one wouldn't shut the fuck up. It was talking to everyone. Wouldn't shut the fuck up. And then the brunette wouldn't shut the fuck up. She started talking. And I was like, dude, you can't fucking handle that. Just joking with them. And he slapped her on the back of the head and she laughed dude I was I was like I was like dude I love you I mean you'll probably be

arrested someday for fucking spousa abuse you'll probably go to jail for fucking some type of violent behavior but I loved it cracker on the back of the fucking head. Oh! So you started his pattern of spousal of me? No, I just fucking revealed it at bananas and piquitzi. I'll get a summons, someday I'll be subpoenaed to court. But listen dude, the blonde bitch wouldn't shut the fuck up and then the brunette wouldn't shut.

And this is the problem. She really doesn't't they don't think that they're talking they don't because they're not heckling the comic or They're having a good time. They're laughing when they fucking hear a joke, but they're talking to each other Conversating the whole fucking time and they kept getting up and talking and the bomb was like 80 tall and That's why they don't think they're fucking talking. That's why they don't think there if you talk during a fucking show You are interrupting it shut the fuck up shut the fuck up and listen It's like watch in a movie. It's like go into a fucking play and You go see Chaz Paul Menter, do a Bronx tale. Do you fucking? Yap, no, you'll be kicked the fuck out. Same thing. Just because they're serving you alcohol,

doesn't mean you have to get shit faced, like you're in a fucking bar. You could, you could fucking hold back a little bit and enjoy the fucking show and then after go get shit faced. No, you're an uncontrollable fucking addict and you can't fucking control your alcohol consumption and you get shit faced and you don't know when you're talking and when you're not. Fuck you. You got kicked out in embarrassed. Good. Fuck off and I apologize to all the fucking people that showed up and O&A fans you fucking I love you all you mother fuckers I came this weekend and all the fans that saw me on the dainstore

Fucking I love you. I love that you brought people some of you people have seen me fucking four or five times I can't fucking love you guys and if you're there tonight and I then those assholes ruin the fucking show because they fuck me up I apologize I should have kicked them out earlier and I didn't but I have a fucking violent temper since I quit smoking I'm trying to control it and through that I don't know when to fucking tell someone to shut the fuck up I just don't want to snap I think you're going to find a podcast that 30 seconds ago when you yelling Yeah, you're probably right you're part. They mean they get the heck Yeah, they got that you're right. No, I don't I don't like that you reference a plane. It's not even on Broadway anymore I don't like the fact that I actually put myself in jazz palmitary at a bronch sale in this same thing like my shit

Act has anything to do with the art that he created Oh my god I'm talking about fucking Fuck it. Just stupid shit. Oh God. I want to be so much better Yeah, really now we're getting crazy. You think jazz pumbatares gonna hear my fuck you? Now you ruined it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I should have fucking took that $10 from you. I should have. We stopped at McDonald's. Oh my God, what a fucking. I haven't had McDonald's. The last time I had McDonald's,

I was on tour when we did the isolated incident tour with DC, and we were actually eating healthy. And I've been eating like shit. I gotta get back on it tomorrow. I just, non-smoking is fucking it. And I'm using it as a excuse now, which blows. I gotta stop that, too. I quit smoking, move the fuck on, get you shit to get a man up,

and I get in my shit back, you know, and just start working out again. But, dude, the last time I met McDonald's, me and Dane were talking about, you know, McDonald's and fattening food. This one we were really man and up on the tour and eating right and working out every day. And one thing led to another, it's like the movie Fatso. Do you ever see that? Please get the movie Fatso with Dom Delewis and watch it. It's not the best movie in the world, but it's fucking great. It's hilarious. And one of the world, but it's fucking great. It's hilarious.

And one of the scenes is his fat partner comes over to help him and they start talking about food and one thing leads to another and then all of a sudden they just rip the part of all the cabinets and they just fucking bingin. Me and Dave started talking about Mickey D's one night about how like the only disappointing things in the fries go away and he came up with a perfect way just order three large fries put them in a bag and then that way you won't finish them all but every time you put your hand in the bag you'll come up with a fry. So we stopped at Mickey D's we got two fucking Floreys is that what they call Mickey Floreys we got we got 10 piece chick McNuggets each two quarter pounders

which is and three large fries each and we got we jumped on a fucking G5 private jet just me and him it was me and him on a G5 with 50 dollars worth of McDonald's I've never been more happier in my life watching a movie. Oh My god, dude my fucking god. I've never been more In fucking heaven in my life than that night. Oh my god and the fries never ended I've never ended. He's only got pregnant chick, dude. Haha.

So anyways, we just went to McDonald's. I had a quarter pound of her cheese and a medium fry, which was heaven. And you got, you chose to get the hamburgers, two hamburgers. And the number two, the two cheeseburgers. I don't get it. It's like little thin fucking, it's like more bun than me. Oh, because last time I had McDonald's, I was telling you I had the big mac and it messed me up and those are gonna die. So, telling it down a little bit.

I've never been sick off McDonald's. Oh no. No, and I saw this big thing on not a big thing. I saw a bullshit with Peneteller. You ever watched that show? One of my favorite shows. I love it. Don't always agree with them, but I love it. But they were talking about fast food today and they're trying to come up with a fucking soda tax But they tax the they want to tax the shit out of soda So it's so expensive that fat people won't drink so they just get water. Yeah water or something healthy. Yeah and And they're taught you know, they basically say look

I think it was the owner of the CEO of Carl's Jr was like, look dude, I use fucking Angus beef, my food's tasty. I don't put any bullshitting it to fucking trick you and to liken it. Just don't, you don't have to eat fucking five hamburgers at one city and eat it every day, three meals a day. Right. And that's the truth. You can take a couple bites out of a hamburger and stop, and you wouldn't fucking get fat. You could have five fries and just end it. I believe it's five fries, dude. You don't need, I mean that's the fact, that's the problem, there is that you don't need as much as we eat, we don't need.

If you look at plates back in the 20s, they will like our bread plates now. Like our meal plates back then or our bread plates now. I mean the food plates, do we ever see the fucking plates they serve at restaurants? I mean we just, we eat too much. We eat way too fucking much, man. Talk about burgers. Have you ever had the bubble burgers? What's a bubble burger? The bubble.

What's a bubble burger? You're buying at's a bubble burger? By the store and you can grill it yourself. No. That's called a hamburger. No. Bubble burger. What's a bubble burger? It's the name of the company's called Bubba. No. They're delicious. They're amazing. They have different flavors too. Never had it. I had it. I had my girlfriend's family's house. I've never had it. They were ridiculous. Anyways. Now how I'll try one, I don't know. I just really feel like a little mini commercial. Yeah, you really did. What are you going to give you a win breaker? Fucking asshole. Anyways, we're on some back row right now. I think my GPS is taking us the fucking back way. I have the iPad, which is the world's biggest

GPS. But this weekend was good, man. Back to the Kipsey and Bones. First of all, Banana is one of my favorite clubs, Hasbrok Heights, which Eric, you worked every four. And which are always great shows. And then, and this one. This one was just, fuck, man. It just, it just sucked. Those two broads, three broads, actually. That other broad too to she didn't get kicked out she should have just came in fucking just trashed and fucking got too drunk and it's like you can't handle your fucking

booze beat it the club should have put their foot down on that one the clubs are good at it some clubs now the clubs don't give a fuck that's how they make their money they're not gonna stop them from fuck I'm waiting she's not gonna say you've had enough she needs to get fucking as much tips as you possibly can right she's gonna fucking she doesn't care if they get fucking trashed she doesn't know how to she doesn't know if the girl can handle her booze or not you want three shots in a beer here you go you fucking lightweight and all of a sudden she's trashed at the fucking table you

know what I mean it's like fuck now. Now they get kicked out. It just sucks. I just, I fuck it blows man. I just suck. Because you know what I hate having to be funny. I hate trying to be funny. And that's what happened on that show. I went from having a good time and just fucking hanging out to have, now I have to be funny. Because everybody's fucked up. The room is fucking tainted. Now I gotta just get a well out the next 10 minutes and say good night I have now I have to be funny because everybody's fucked up the rumors fucking tape did now I just gonna well out the next 10 minutes and say goodnight to everybody and it sucks fucking blower's man You know Well, it's not your fault. I just feel bad. Just you just give us a sincere moment there. I did didn't I?

I love that you got on a emotional roller coaster. There's a podcast. You know what dude? Podcast and It's me just fucking literally we're talking into my iPhone right now recording it I email it to a fucking site and it puts it up on my website and now anybody else who's lonely and has nothing to do can listen to fucking my bullshit podcast. You know, and I'm not fucking talking about the fucking universe or BP in the oil. I don't fuck it. It's poor shit.

You know what it is? It's me talking to myself in my own head except I'm talking in the recorder and Maybe other people listen to it. That's exactly what it is No, you're not had Lewis Gomez on we talked UFC and you don't know about UFC Of course not you fucking what do you know soccer a box like a fan? You know spot boxing bullshit It's horseshit name the fucking the heavyweight champion Exactly dude fuck you let's go

He's got one that's one of them. Where's the other one? What's the other one? Yeah, but dude the fact is is that it took you 10 minutes and you guessed and you're right And I don't even know if you're right. He could have lost it and you guessed and you're right. And I don't even know if you're right. He could have lost it. What was the last time he fought? Nobody knows. What was the last time he fought?

I don't know. Dude, there's a UFC fight on tonight. There was one last week. There was one the week before. This championship fight happened. A month from now, this fuck is... Dude, fuck that. Fuck boxing.

Fuck boxing stinks. How does megafight there's's gonna be more of a draw. What's a megafight? Like, if the Mayweather Pac-Gale fight happens, never happened. It's gonna happen in November. No, it's not. It's gonna happen in November.

No one will draw more numbers than the U.S.A. Okay, okay, one fight in fucking how many years have been waiting for that fight? Delahoye and Mayweather. Bullshit, didn't even give a fuck. Nobody gives a fuck about Delahoye. That was before he retired. Doesn even give a fuck. Nobody gives a fuck about Deilo Hoyah. That was before he retired. Doesn't give a fuck.

Nobody cares about Mayweather. The only reason why people watch Mayweather, because they want him to get beat, because he's a fuck. He's not gun of them. Though he will. He's running. Have you seen him? He runs, dude.

He's ridiculously ashamed. Wait until he fights back yet. He's in a handle pack yet. I'll bet you $100 right now. $100. And till he fights back yet. He's in a handle pack yet. I'll bet you $100 right now. $100 and everyone listen to $100. I'll fucking take this off you. I'll take this off the internet and delete that part if you win. But yes, you're acting like this is going to be evidence. Fuck you. We think somebody from my website is going to somebody's listening to this. It's you and me, douchebag, I told you.

This is me talking to myself. But, fuck, I do you know what boxing stinks? I used to like, you know what I like boxing? When fucking Tyson was there. When fucking Riddick Bowel. When fucking Heavyweight ruled the day. This is bullshit, dude. It's horse shit, clinch call.

Ugh, who the fuck get a twin brother fuck you We didn't even know if it's him showing up. He could be sending the other shit brother into fucking fill in for Fuck those guys fucking denting commercial fuck them Who's the other heavyweight double man. Yeah, there you go Don't fucking punch up my jokes Dude we're right now on the fucking backwoods road. Don't do that. Don't shut the fucking lights out. What's wrong with you? Dude, what if we hit a deer ass hole? I'm gonna hit a deer. How do you know how you said that? I'm worried about him.

Isn't that weird? Wearing out you can just drive in a roll like this and I would think about it soon as somebody says Don't hit a deer you're panicking now. You look at those beaty fucking eyes in the headlights You're panicking now you look for those beauty fucking eyes in the headlights How fucking how creepy the deer look in the fucking night Right you're not gonna hit a deer you're fine. You said it though. Now I'm worried You might hit a moose, but you're not gonna there's no most Dude, there's a lot of moose in Pekipsi

Yeah, weren't you at the show you You see that fatso get kicked out tonight? There, shit that flat back, like that fucking show the monster that just chased Bunnies around. Fucking ass, all she was, I hate her. Oh God, fuck her. But anyways, we're fucking, the shows this week were great great. I was surprised a lot of fucking O&A fans Not surprised, but you know appreciate that shit man. Big A showed up. I love big A. He's a good guy He's a sweetheart. His friend his buddy was a good guy too. That old table. They were sitting at were pretty cool I wish I had a chance to say hi to that guy. What is he? What I call him? Magnum PI? He was actually cool. Him and his wife.

So, whatever man, the show's over. Banana's was great. I had a good time. I wish, you know, I just fucking... Ugh, fucking hated. I hate when people get kicked out of my shows. I hate kicking people out. I really do. I just wish people could just get their shit together. Or the club would just fucking say, get the fuck out. That's what you're there for, too. That's why there's a middle guy. That's why there's a host. So by the time I get up,

they kick all the fucking ripper out of Fount. But every fucking time the fucking middle in the MC is just worried about themselves just having their good little fucking happy set and by the time I get up I get to deal with it and I hate when the club goes yeah just let us know you know tell no here's a code word if you say I need a cup of coffee how about you patrol the fucking room do your fucking job and when you see people talking, you kick them the fuck out of telling them to shut the fuck up because people shouldn't be fucking talking. How's that? They really want you to patrol the room and say, all right, this one kicked them out. Fuck you. Stop making me the bad guy. You fucking assholes. Oh, fuck you. Anyways.

The guys tonight were good though. They were actually tried. What's going on? How do you do that? You know, I just got a... I just took a fucking... Oh my god. What are you? Oh my god. What are you doing? I'm putting my happy heels on the side.

I think we're going the wrong way. I think I put the wrong way. Now all the other things is you put your helmet on. I know, but it looks like we're going up and sitting down. I think we're going nine north. Now we're going up and down. How funny would we just throw an hour in the wrong direction? You're so tired.

I don't have to get a hotel and let you sleep for a little while. I can't sleep. I showed a lot of CDs this week, huh? Yeah, we did a lot. So your CD sold, mine sold, the new T-shirt sold. And you didn't know a company, did you? You liked that T-shirt? That's pretty cool.

Let's go, right? I like the magnets, too. The FATS, oh magnets? Oh, the FATS, oh, for your fridge. I'm not gonna get one. You're already pointing out my little stomach. Oh, you get a little fat, dude. You got a girlfriend, you get a little fat.

What happened? We have a little bit of Jerry's tonight. Yeah, that's the fucking thing. She's going to get a little fat. And you'll be a little fat Guatemalan living in LA. Everybody's going to think you're a Mexican. I can't wait to you move in your apartment. And everybody thinks you're the new super.

Excuse me me my hot water isn't working you know like I don't give a big bitch actually the other day we went out to dinner I went to the bathroom as I'm coming back this lady grabs my own ass for extra forks my girlfriend laughed I didn't even like come to my defense just those the funniest thing ever what do you do how about how about when I first moved into my building, and I'd go to the store and get like, you know, whatever, sandwich, and I come back with those deli bags.

The door guys would always stop me and ask me what apartment I'm going to. They'd be like, what apart, I'm like, mine, motherfucker. And as soon as they don't hear that, hear that fucking accent. Oh, he did. You got that little folder he can look to you.

I do. I back down, I did big time too. that here that fucking accent. You got that little portering and went to it. Back then I did big time too. But all right, I need to get to, we're gonna get off this fucking podcast. It's 21 minutes. So I want you to turn it up, give me some music on the way out. We're out, man. Me and Eric, bananas was the shit.

Thank you to all you motherfuckers who came out. I hope you liking these podcasts, even though they're short and sweet. And that's about it. The KFC. What the fuck? Thank you. I'll see you later. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca.

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