Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Provocateur

Episode Date: January 23, 2017

This week on YKWD: we have Tim Dillon, Carmen Lynch, and Joe Machi! We talk about legally running over protestors, smart people contracting herpes, and the prophet named Steve Harvey! Watch / Listen and enjoy! RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a cost of fire. It's podcast. No rules. What are the mic-ass holes? I'm sure I've already said should I regret. Can I get a mic-o?

Oh, what the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic-ass. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's 10 no topics no directions. I love doing it Side to the coin The day you think my podcast is popular. I might affect of these lines. You never know. It's Robert Kelly so you know what to podcast on whitecast.com. This is the way the show opens now. We allow people to roll in, and that's it. And it's us, and we talk about shit, and what's going on, about last week.

We do all the promos right up front. You don't like it. People like it. People like it, Bob. People think it's very lean. It's very streamlined now. Well, people love the show. There's a couple of people that don't.

Right? There's one guy. Well, nothing go fuck themselves. They have to. They don't have a choice. Well, they can not, I just want you to stop listening to the show. I want you to move on. I want you to go to another show that opens the way

you like, and then go fuck your mother. Who complains about how a show opens? The biggest content that works open. I don't know. But who complains about how a show opens to the person who, I mean, I couldn't even imagine just being like Yeah fuck us for having ideas taking chances Exactly. Yeah, go fuck yourself. Anyways, what's up guys?

Doing well, man. How are you I am fat? Yeah, I fell off the wagon, but um, oh, yeah I don't like you say oh like like like like like like Grady doesn't affect you I don't like you say, oh, like like like like like Grady doesn't affect you. We didn't have another bagel in the trash moment. No, we did not, but we've just been eating bagels. No, we, um, I forgot about that. The bagel is fresh.

Oh, I got a nice fan art about that this week. Oh, yeah, it didn't cut. It got a half of it came through. He's got to re-send it. Um, yeah, it was, it was, uh, I'm back on today though. Let's just say today is all we have. Yesterday's history tomorrow is a mystery. All we have is today.

And that's the way I live my life. Enjoy your life today. Today I ate well, I ate great. But no one cares about that. How did you fall off the wagon? Well, you got a point. Yeah, that is boring. Success is boring.

I just, you know, the bagel, I mean, it's Christmas. Fuck me. Christmas, fuck me. I never got it together after. And this week I went home to my mothers. And I ate, let me taste it. I knew I was in trouble at one 30 in the morning by myself with a bag of cheese curls and a diet ginger ale. That's not bad, ginger ale.

That's not bad. Ginger ale. No, ginger ale's packed with sugar. Okay, first of all, that's a bad combo taste wise. It's not for me. Oh my God, I've never loved a cheese curl on my life. We ate so much shit food, but I'm back today. And I installed my treadmill. I put my treadmills all set up from Yowzer.

The people, hey, if you want a great treadmill, go to Yowzer, they hook me up. They got great treadmills that fold straight up and go the fuck away. That's awesome. I got a cousin with one of those. He just hangs his clothes off it now. Well, I've been hanging jackets off it for three years

since I moved in, but it's installed and I'm gonna use it tonight when I get home. No, you gotta do, you gotta put like a hot sexy picture of what? Sexy Bob right in front of you. I don't wanna see that. I'll never get back to that, that's because I don't have hair.

I can't get back, that's like unattainable, you know? I'll put a picture of Winston Afrio, like when he's thin. That's my goal. Winston Afrio, that when he's thin. Yeah. That's my goal. Vince and Afrio at medium fat is my goal. Anyways, what do we got? Talk to me, talk to the fans, talk to these people.

Let's do some good fan bed. Well, we got to do promotions first. Oh, first of all, every week people subscribe. Now I know people of bitch and I had a couple guy, dude, it's fucking, it's slower, the app stinks. I get the fuckin', don't, then unsubscribe, fuckface. I don't know what to tell you. You bitch at me, like things are gonna change.

It's not gonna change. You subscribed, you didn't like it, go back. The shows are free, you fuckin' mook. 10 episodes always free for people that don't wanna do it, that can't afford it, I'm here for you baby, but the people that want to support this show, it's 199 a month, download the app, it's free. The app works fine for me and everybody else,

and hundreds and, actually a lot of people, thousands of people, it works fine for it. So subscribe, review, okay? But also download the app, iTunes and Android, become a member, that's it, It's easy. It's easiest pie anything we do that's extra goes behind the paywall You get the first free first 10 free and then every other show through over 300 something shows behind the paywall

You want to go back going on vacation? You're in a car whatever go back and listen to the fucking first episode if you want only premium members. So do that. What else? A couple of other things. Amazone link for all your purchases. Yeah, I go to Amazon nine times a day. I ordered a fart gun, two of them yesterday.

A fart gun? Oh my god, I won't. Yeah, from Despicable Me, they're fart guns. Well, yeah, I love it. It's a gun that goes. Pfft. Pfft. Sweet. You can do that. I'm sorry, mature deeper. I love it. It's a gun that goes Sweet

You do that I'm sorry mature deeper. Yeah, I'm a very mature guy very classy. It's like a fight doesn't make you laugh I want a grief gun. Oh God. I parted on my You have one it's like it's between your legs I parted on my girlfriend last night first time. What you laugh? No. Did she? She was asleep. Oh, good. What a weirdo. What the hell?

Well, I had a nice bubble building up. You know, I thought, like, do I turn around? Do I get out of bed and let this go? How many months have you been with her? Three, three months. Really? Wouldn't it, wouldn't it, wouldn't it nationality is she? She is, I don't want to say,

because I don't want the fans, your lovely fans going after her and the drawing. They're your fans too. Yeah, some of the other bad fans. I fucked them. How are they gonna know who she has if I say the race it'll narrow it down pretty quick. Really? Yeah, it's where those it's what I'm a skewer one. What color hair does she have blue? Yeah, she's the chicken. She's the chick from the fifth element. She hates her. I love you. How do you know what a fat do you get that reference? Because you've been home. I'm gonna say bastard.

Oh my god. Anyways. Alright, so what else do we got? Be sure to follow us on our social media outlets. Yes, sir. Lauren's doing a great job with that. Lots of great content throughout the week. Great content. What are you doing? Great. I believe we can start with some good fan, bad fans. Let's do good fan, bad fan. Let's hear it. Everybody, you don't know what this is. This is where we take some good stuff from fans and bad comments from fans.

And we let you hear them and then we absorb them. So let's start with, what are we starting with for us? A good fan or a bad? Well, we got our segment cues. Okay, here we go. Go to fun. Bad fun. Wow. Our first good fan. Bad fans

Wow our first good fan If you don't get the de fucking irony in that production The value that you you are just a dumb person someone will complain You're a you're awfulness is addictive. It really is I can't stop I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, love it. It's just terrible and it's just beautiful. It's just so it just it goes through terrible. It comes right through. Go ahead. Our first good fan is Mac Morris. It's about last week's episode. He says, yummy always brainens up the room. Yummy does. A love of yummy. Yummy. You know, Keith Robinson's the one you got to get Yamanique going. And I was like, Oh, Jesus, you know, what's going on? Yamanika, she is one of my favorite guests. She comes on. She lets people talk. I'm a neat guy and I was like, oh Jesus, you know, what's going on? Yeah, I'm a neat guy.

She is one of my favorite guests. She comes on, she lets people talk, she fucking, she's got her own thing going on. I think she should be a regular here every week. She's great. I follow her no day. I would love for her to be a regular, but I don't know if we do regulars anymore

because the business people take off so fast now. That's true. Yeah, she's a regular in the show. She'll have her own fucking show and serious next week and fucking $500,000 a year. Oh boy. What about my nixipal? Our first bad fan has a different opinion of last week's episode. He says, last week's lineup was a panel of Cux. Cux? Yeah, that's a very popular turn these days. I wonder what network they're into. Dude, fuck you. First of all, you're a hack for using the word Cuck. It is hacky at this point. Yeah, it's just hacky. And it's weird. Oh, you're a bad person because you like to watch someone bang your wife in front of you. There's nothing wrong with that. What I don't understand. Cucks. Oh, I like it. Cuck is the guy that sits on the

couch and lets someone else bang. No, I know, oh. I like it. Cux is the guy that sits on the couch and lets someone else find it. No, I know, but is he calling us real Cux or is he calling us that, you know, fucking conservative Cux? That might be a conservative thing. I think it's calling us plusies. I think he might be talking political, not the porn talk.

I think this, I think, I would like to know what he's talking about. I would think it's, he's calling us the political, whatever. I don't know, even know what he's talking about. I would think he's calling us the political cut, whatever. I don't know, even know what the fuck, you know, it's just, you know, somebody said that. I think it was, again, it was his name, Gavin probably said that and then they picked up on it. Easy, let's not anger those people. Who Gavin?

Yeah, Gavin, his crew. Oh, fuck off, I love Gavin. I'm scared of everybody. No, Gavin's,. I look man. I think Gavin's hilarious in his show is fucking great. And me and they bring that a certain kind of crowd. Of course he does, but he's, look man. I've watched his stuff on YouTube and he is fucking funny.

He goes on and he, look, he has a strong opinion, whether you agree with him or not. And I don't agree with everything he fucking says. But a lot, he's trying to be funny and a lot of stuff, and it's ridiculous, and it's really risky humor. And he made me, he went on, I think Greg Gutfeldt show as a totally different person. I think it was like some fucking liberal guy or something,

and he just, he stayed in it and it was making me laugh. So go find yourself with the cocks. All right. Yeah. Good. Whatever. Our second good fan is a comment by Don John. He says, I like the new camera on Lauren. Oh, thanks. During the free show. Of course. And that, I mean, can I give credit to yourself? No. I will give credit to it is me. I said it, but I would say Jim Sharpreco, who watches the show and is a fan of the show, but he also likes to know if something's up or if she's something

he's like, you should have Lauren on because she's a pretty girl, she's got something to say. And really, she's pretty, she said, he just wanted to look at a girl while I was watching a show instead of a fucking Hindu and a fat son. But she's nice from Faber. Far from nice. I was a little closer to you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, great comment. Our first second. I'll take what I can get. We're run by D.Boo and Caso Recreasiveness. Our second bad fan is a YouTube comment. No, I'm sorry, iTunes comment. A J Merrow 256 gives it a two-star review and says this is a weird podcast. And that's it. You know coming into this podcast

just you know if you just came across this podcast, it could be found to be strange. Yeah, I don't, I don't, I know, but he has the thing with me. Like it's like, okay, why would I review? But if I went into a restaurant and it was a weird restaurant, I wouldn't leave it a two-star review like, yeah, you know what I mean? If I went in and the service sucked and the rude to me and I fucking hated the place. That's a review. That's a review. But if you go in and it's like,

oh, this is a weird thing. I mean, just leave. You know what I mean? But I mean, here it is. This is the world we live in. You gotta, you know. Everyone's got to have it to ping you. Well, I mean, you don't have to.

I'm looking at you right. Look at me. You don't have to. You can just leave. You can just take off. But there you go. We're a good fan back here. If You don't have to. You can just leave. You can just take off. But there you go. We were good fanbath. If we didn't have two star reviews in IT

because some guy was like, oh, this is confused as me. This isn't what I usually like. That's like giving math a two star review because you fail to test. I'll just take the bomb down. Okay. I don't even know where it is. Where is it?

I think it's up my ass. Oh, you have it already. Yeah, that's God's work. Oh, so Bob, I had't even know where it is. Where is it? I think it's up my ass. Oh, you have it already. See, that's God's work. Oh, so Bob, I had this idea for a segment. Since you can be a kind of tempestuous individual. And what does that mean? Angry. Thank you.

I'm confused. That actually made me, that made me, you're stunning. That's right. Let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just, let me just Let me through levels of stupid in this room right now. It is not stupid, sort of.

And you're personally stupid. You're socially fucking dummy. I'll take it. You got fun, just straight up dumb and then borderline mentally fucking mentally retarded. So I figured, you know, since you can be agitated at times, why not, sorry, sorry, but I don't. Oh, shit. Why not, you know, try and take a chance and think about who we are mad at this week.

You know, so I thought the segment, shake, slap, kill. Let's play the sound, kill. Like murder, what does it murder? Fuck, Mary kill. Fuck Mary kill. Let's do this. This is shake, slap, murder. Yeah. All right, hold on one second. What does it murder fuck Mary kill let's do she shake slap murder. Yeah All right, hold on one second. Ah

And now it's time for slap shake I like it love it. I love it Okay, so who should go first? You go first. Yeah, well if you got something would you slap? Who would you shake? I would murder. I think I will. We're just all going right to murder. Murder. When people tell you to smile, I fucking need it.

Ooh, yes. Like smile. You're pretty girl. You should smile. I'm gonna murder you. Yeah. That's usually some fucking older Italian guy. Yeah.

Hey, you should smile more. You're pretty. And then suck on my dick. Hey, you should smile more, you're pretty. And then suck up my dick. Yeah, fuck them, I agree with you. Don't tell me how to feel. Yeah, I hate that. I hate that. I hate advice to make their life better.

They just want their life to be better. They don't wanna look at your shitty mug. So they want you to fuck off, you're right. And I don't know if you'd murder them. I might be a shaker with a slapper shake. But murder, okay, you psycho.. I don't know if he had murder them. I'm not be a shaker Slap was a slapper shake, but murder. Okay, you psycho Go ahead. You know, all right. What about you? What I murder? Yeah, I would murder the guy at parties who's showing off that his Phona's waterproof He always just like drops it in the punch bowl

Oh god, and then fishes that out with his hands like hey look it still works Fuck that guy. I would I would murder I hope he gets murdered yes That's Think of that but that would really And you just want to be above it. Oh God. I would I would murder anybody who owns a BMW I think if you if you have a BMW it's 99.9% you are a fucking douchebag douchebag you should be murdered. I fucking hate you first of all for buy just get a Mercedes

All right or an Audi nobody fucking with Yeah, BMW suck and they're born from Nazis anyway, so I don't care about that part That's it. No, they make great shit, but they're fucking assholes. I hate them. I hate them because they always cutting you off. They're always trying to get ahead of you. They're always fucking being douchebags on the road. They're flying, putting people's lives at risk because he's in. I'm in a beamer and it can fuck you.

Beamer stink. It's the fucking cousin of the sob. And those fucking asshole suck, those ski families that own sobs. That's a Vermont fuck face car. You have a sob, you're a douchebag. Fucking asshole. Okay, who would we slap?

Slap, I'll fuck, you know what I'm gonna slap? Huh? Who would you slap? Is it a shake? Slap, I'll slap. I'll slap, I'll tell you who I'm gonna slap. Huh? Who would you slap? Is it shake? A slap, I'll slap. I'll slap, I'll tell you who I'm gonna slap. These fucking parents on Facebook who film their kids being hurt for shits and giggles.

Yes. Stop it. Stop fucking videotaping your kids life. Put the camera down. And then, and don't show me, I don't fucking know you. I don't wanna see your kid get hurt. This is their last ditch effort at fame. Oh, I fucking hate them all about themselves Oh, some fucking you know one of these big exercise balls gets kicked and the fucking rent the little babies face And he goes flying his leg go fucking up now. He's traumatized of balls for the rest of his life can't go to the circus

Can't fucking get balloons So do you have a problem with like America's funny some videos in general? I have a problem with people getting hurt. I don't like watching those videos. I really don't. People love watching these fails. I don't mind when they don't get hurt.

But like the fat chick on the rope swing on the tree and it snaps and she just lands on her fucking pelvis and her legs flap over into mud. I don't want to see that. Or like guy that gets his leg caught in the basketball hoop, you ever seen that? Yeah. Oh, fuck.

I sympathize too much. I sympathize. Tim Dylan is here. Fuckin' hate it. I hate it. It's awful. It's awful. It's awful.

It's awful. What about who would you shake? Who would I shake? Jesus Christ. You know I'd shake. I'd shake all these fucking oh God Makes me fucking mad And anybody who has doesn't have easy pass

I Want to grab them I literally which one I want to go to my car while they're in line as I'm flying past them Mm-hmm in the in the in the stupid toll booth lane Yeah, I just want to pull over and get out and just shake their fucking heads. I don't want to be tracked by the government. Go, you are anyways. Do you think you're not getting easy pass is going to stop them from bugging your phone, your house, whatever they'll put on your car.

You know, nobody gives a fuck about you. You know, nobody cares about you in your shit life and whatever townhouse you own in Jersey. Just get easy pass so we don't have to fucking have traffic. It's too auto to get related things. Yeah, I drive a lot. I drive a lot. If I can shake somebody, it would be Dan Neh Non. Do you know him?

No, who's that? He's this comic. Oh, personal, I love it. A little personal. I mean, he's a guy that he literally publishes emails that he sends to people that rejected him over his career Oh really? Yeah, he like sends copies of his contracts to people really yeah, and he's famous sort of I mean He's doing the inaugural ball for a Trump this weekend, which is kind of something. That's pretty big. It is big

That's big. Yeah. Yeah. What does he look like? Oh? Well picture. He's a Indian guy. He's an Indian guy, no shit. And he's doing something for Trump. Yeah, his bio says he worked at Intel. He took a comedy class, started doing corporate gigs, and his dead-on impression. Oh, Carmen's sitting. Yeah, Carmen is sitting right in that seat,

whereas she's grabbing right there. Hi. Hey, Carmen, how's it going? Yeah. How pretty good. Carmen winches here. Hi, Carmen. Hi.

Yeah. Tim, sit. Hi. Yeah. Tim, sit. Sit where you're told. Would you stop just from fucking me, Andarin? Like you just some rogue young comment that that would, you're not that hot. Sit in the middle, you fuck. No, you sit right there.

Jesus, Tim, God damn it. Get in sick of your attitude. Wow. Your attitude is getting, you know, you're, you're, you're, you're gonna a little heat and you get all carried away. Better get used to it. Let me get you right in the eye. I really, I really am.

You're gonna fuck it. You're gonna, I can't wait to get to tell, we get a herpy on your lip. What do you get? I got a coltsaw. It's coltsaw. That's herpes. We can call anything, anything.

It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, I can't call it AIDS. I think megabuses to gig, it's how it happens. You know, this is when the bus, I was on the bus again. Is that from a megabus? I think it was. What are you fucking kiss at a homeless person on the bus again. Is that from a mega bus? I think it was. What are you fucking kissing a homeless person on the bus? I, you need, sometimes you get lonely

and you wanna meet somebody. You fall asleep on the window, the window pan. No, but it's just your touching things, you go into the bathroom, you're, you know, I'm a toucher. Did you get, is the cold sore, what is the cold sore from? I don't know what it's from, it's just weird. I get them all the time and I got them as a little kid. I would get them, you know, these are things you get. This is not a I never get them.

You've never gotten a cold sore. I got them. You're saying these are things I get. I get them all the time. I get them every time. I'm saying I well now it's every now and then see how he switched it up. I don't get them all. I don't just because I wasn't on the fucking on the wagon Tim. Yeah. I get I get them very rarely. Okay. Well good for you. Well, I'm just saying what are you doing? I can help you Let's let's work this out. Why are you getting cold so because I'm not you know, I'm I'm living like you know Like like how a guy at my income level lives. What is that? Mega bus gray hound one-nighter You know staying on comics coaches. I don't know who these people are use my towel. I don't know where that I don't know what the hell's going on

But I'm lucky to be there. I'm like, oh, I'm lucky every day. My A.A. shit. I'm like, I'm so lucky. Fortunate. It's not my towel. Go to Joe Mackie, everybody. Joe Mackie, go to Joe Mackie.

I think once you get them though, you always get them, right? Yeah, I think it's that's the way it works. No, that's herpes. No, no, no, that's not the way culture has worked. Culture has come once in a while. Herpes is very consistent. Yes, Joe list has herpes.

Well, here's the thing, a lot of... That should be the title of this episode. Joe list has herpes. You think Lauren will write it down, you're out of your mind. Even telling her that should be the thing, she'll still go, what was it? How do we name it Spaghetti-Os?

Yeah, we yeah, I mean a lot of people have herpes a lot of people have herpes. I mean, it's very Comment yeah, so you don't have to be you know if I had herpes I would notice it on my dick right? That's not true. It doesn't always happen on your dick Sometimes it happens on your dick on your butt butt, on your, you get hurt. I know somebody had a herpes on, it was a Joe had a herpes on his knee. Some people have, oh, maybe that's, I'm just making that out. It is so funny. It is so funny.

Get it on your eye. Yeah, you get herpes on your nose. It is your whole eye. Yes, you can get a whole eye herpe. That's disgusting. Wow, that would be disgusting. Now I feel lucky it's just in the corner of my mouth. It's just the cornea mouth, so you't it is gross when you have this it's disgusting

Well it hurts because you can't eat salty food. I mean you cute. I mean I rough it you rough it. Yeah, does it hurt? It's not great. No, what do you put on it? You put a little a breather a breather a breather a breather But I didn't do it today because a breather makes it worse It's just if you put the white cream on it and then just cakes, and it makes it look like this crusty white thing on your lips. I just figured I'd leave it alone. Maybe nobody would mention it. Great Mitch Hedberg, that's what I thought.

What was the, we'll make it shiny and more noticeable. It's true, and you just feel like an idiot, you know? Well, I mean, if you, I was on a megabust, every seat was full, except for the seat next to me.

Every seat was full. Me and this other guy in the back of the megabus had a seat. He had a chihuahua with him and bags of potato chips. And the last guy looked at him, looked at me with this lesion on my face and said to the guy, can you move your chihuahua and sat next to him. One of the lowest points in my life. I'm sure it's because you're a big guy. The guy was smaller. And sat next to him. One of the lowest points in my life.

I'm sure it's because you're a big guy. The guy was smaller. He was a little tiny, maybe a dog. A little Mexican dude. Can I move over here? It's not a airborne. Anyways, we had the big party last night. The Comedy Cellar Party, Carmen, you were there.

Looking very pretty. Thanks, it was my birthday. Well, okay, it's not your birthday. Thank you. Yeah. Oh my God, why do women love their birthday? Why do you love the birthday? Because it only happens once a year.

Yeah, but it's been happening for 47 years. We just wanted to get a pensioner, right? 47, I just got that. I'm kidding, how old are old are you? I don't know But I don't think guys I don't care about my birthday anymore. Do you care about your birthday? No, do you? Yes, it's birthday it's birthday month Celebration we're partying we're gonna all kinds of beer Why I asked

Kind of beer. Woo! Hahaha. Why'd I ask? My birthday. Why'd I even. Why? Hahaha. My birthday's January 22nd, so if you want to do something for you.

Is it really? It's four days. Yeah, that's four days away. What do you want to Apple Watch? Maybe like a three or four hundred dollar dinner or something. Why, why not just give you a four hundred also you don't have to take a megabust next time you'd rent them off.

Fucking knuck at herpes. Yeah, that's true. I guess that's a good point. Maybe that's a good point. I'll take the dinner megabuss next time. You're gonna have to take a megabuss. The other reason we have to is because your meals are so expensive. Well, that's true. You know, I gotta balance it out. I don't really mind. I don't put on hairs.

I don't mind getting on there with some working piece. I'm using the phrase put on hairs. Joe Mackey, I bumped into you in Vermont. I bumped into him in Vermont. I was like, yeah, I'm just taking a 15 hour bus back and he just looked at me like I told him like I had SARS. I drove an electric car. Yeah, he was just like, was it good luck, man?

Wait, where were you? There's a new club there for Montgomery County. I love it. I played it. It's beautiful. One of the nicest clubs in the country, and they try to do great. Yeah.

And the crowds are great. There are a couple, right? Yeah. But the staff is great. The gig is in the beautiful hotel. Yeah. Yeah. It's nice when you get a road weekend where they treat you well.

Oh my God. It makes you feel so good. Doesn't it? And it's a cute town. Burlington Vermont. It's the cutest. The Indian Soda. Literally. It's a cute town. Burlington Vermont, it's the cutest. The Indian soda literally. Literally the cutest town in the world.

Yeah, Dan Soder went to a maple syrup tasting. Yeah, of course you did. Which means they blew each other in his room. That's it. Listen. That would have been less gay. Well, we, you have to, we had to share a room, me and Starrow. She had to share a room, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, because there's like the hotels are like 700 dollars a night for some, because it's Burlington, Vermont, the hotels are never really cheap, so they can't get you two rooms. So I brought StarVar, so he had a share room which was uncomfortable, just two fattos snoring. But we had a great time up there.

We argued about all politics and shit like that. And he's like, you know, black people should have the same and minority should have the same rights. And all that. I'm like, well, we're going to the most liberal town ever. And I want you to count the black people. Yeah. Two. It is a homogenous. Great. Even all the white people look the same. Oh my God. That was a very similar aesthetic.

Yeah. Ski. Right. They look like they ski. They all ski. Like this very few white guys like me. Yeah, no you it's very It's very like a thin I'm a white. I'm a minority one of you. Yeah, they're healthy the vegetables. They know when to stop right They have brown rice since they were fucking children, right? You know what I mean? They never ate french fries Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, it's actually nice. You're healthy when your town looks like a snow globe Well, it's actually nice. Your healthy when your town looks like a snow globe. Ah!

They're not all gonna be gold, everybody. I'm just sitting here and accepting my mom. Thanks for being here. Hey, yo, there's your bomb, bandana. Okay. You literally stopped art. Like, the audio on the show, actually, with that. I was like, it's everything okay.

That's what we can tell the people. Oh, there it is, it's life. No, this is life. We can't end that. No, we can't end it. Right, why would I end it? That beautiful, that's what we can tell the people that is his life. No, this is life. We can't end that. No, we can't end it. Right, why would I end it? That beautiful, that beautiful fucking confident bomb. You said it with pure confidence.

He's so cute though. I was like, oh yeah, this is, I'm just living in this bomb right now. Woo! I used to take the bus all the time. I love the bus. The bus is better than flying to me because you're just sitting there. Now with all the shit, when I used to take the bus, there was no iPad, there was no phone, there was...

There was a movie, right? Not even, because most of the time it didn't work, and the guy didn't want to play it, because he didn't want to... Because he watched fucking Splash 95 times. Right. He didn't want to fucking say it again. It's not working. I'll try to do something and can advocate.

And then he doesn't do anything. He can excuse me, is the movie? I'll see what I can do. And you're in Boston. Thanks the movie. Right. Right. But yeah, bus is a bad way better now.

Mega bus is a nice bus. It's not bad. Right? They have movies. They don't have movies. They don't have TVs, but they do have like free Wi-Fi. Free Wi-Fi. You've been your own thing. You fucking watch. Yeah. But every once in a while, someone gets to capitated. Remember that. Yeah. What? That is true.

And Canada, somebody got their head taken off on a bus. I'm sorry. How? By the passenger next to them. Yeah. He just leaned over and they must have been very annoying. They must have been the most annoying person to sit next to. Yeah. I can't just, you just leaned over and they must have been very annoying There must have been the most annoying person is sitting at you can't just you just can't go cutting people's heads I agree most cases so you can't just you can't just you can't be capitalist society You know harder to decapitate somebody. Yeah, he had a really getting hard. He had to really be pumped up to do this and quick Yeah, yeah, yeah, cuz they're not going to be like, hey, what are you doing? Stop that. You wonder what?

Yeah. Yeah. You wonder what's like if that's a split second decision, will you get you just go, OK, I'm going to cut this good now. No, no, no, no, because first of all, you have to get the knife that can do it. Right.

You can't just be like, oh, I have a buck knife. Right. Halfway through, be like, oh, shit, I should have bought the other knife. And you pull it out. Because I'm going to get it on the side. So what are you doing while he's pulling it out? Aren't you?

Well, he probably snuck it out. I don't. You're working on your cover story before you pull the knife out. You're like, hey, you want to see my knife? Yeah. I'm not going to cut you with it though. I was still a bum. I was going to give it a shot.

Okay. I think you saved yourself with the character you did. That was you cutting people's heads off. That guy actually got off Scott free because it was cannibalism. It was guy trying to survive and he got off Scott free because the right to list. What are you talking about?

It was cannibalism. This is the case you're talking about. In guy take a Greyhound bus and cable, right? Yeah. The guy, it was the killing of Tim McLean is Let me just wait he ate him to yes, it was a case of beheading and cannibalism while writing a grayhound Someone on a grayhound bus it's okay If you have to eat all of them

He has like one to left no not my mom you go to jail you have to eat all of them. He has like one to a left. No, not my mom. You go to jail. You have to eat the gross parts too. You have to eat. I think maybe you're not bad. You're fatty parts. No. Oh, you know, you know anyone can edit with a beauty.

What? What did you go to work with? Deputial. Yeah. Deputial. It's reliable enough. OK, what does it say? According to witnesses, McLean was sleeping with his headphones

on when the man sitting next to him suddenly produced a large knife and began stabbing McLean in the neck in the chest. The bus driver pulled to the side of the road so that he and all other passengers could exit the vehicle. Right. On and out stop everyone. Take five smokers cigarette. No one's helping this guy. And get some coffee guys enjoy the movie I just face it the attacker then decapitated to capitated McLean and displayed his

severed head to other passengers standing outside that's nice of them oh my god that's nice of them see now cold they were so sound so bad yeah well you know they're wondering what's going on and he kind of I never sleep me you can't sleep on that's not you know I'm sleeping's going on and he can't i never sleep me you can't sleep on that's not a small sleep on that

so what happened the driver and two other men had attempted to rescue mcclean but were chased away by lea who's the name of the kid did they have the head while he was chasing ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha the locked bus doors. And then the killer went back to McLean's body and began severing other parts and consuming parts of the victim's flesh. Okay. At 8.30, oh, this is the, the role. This is an evening. He made a night of it. The next day he had leftovers. Of course, three. At 8.30 PM, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police in Portage, La Prairie, received a report of a stabbing on the Greyhound bus, way to the west of the city.

They arrived to find the suspect still on board the bus, being prevented from escaping by other passengers. So they kind of kept him boxed inside. The truck driver who had provided a crowbar and a hammer as weapons. The other passengers were huddled on the roadside, some of them crying and vomiting. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God. I don't even know why you're staying there though. If I saw somebody being decapitated, if someone held a head up, me, my wife and kids, we're walking down the road. We're leaving. We're going to find, I mean in fairness to them, they paid for a ticket.

To go to a hushing nation. He should get off with his food. I guarantee there are people, literally, because that's the awkward thing. After all this happens, you gotta turn around to each other and go, I think you can ascend another butt. That's the awkward thing.

You still have to get somewhere. You know there was some comic had a gig. Yeah, you can't just get on a private chat. You're not yucky. I think 30. Is there any? Is there another past coming? I know.

Is there Uber here? You know we opened up. You're not gonna believe this. I was someone got like all these likes for posting it. Yeah. So that guy did not go to jail, Dibu? I had to go to jail. Come on.

He had to go to jail. He was not found to be criminally responsible for murder and was reprimanded and was remasinate. Insan on. He had to go to jail. He was not found to be criminally responsible for murder and was Reparant and his identity. He's had any defense. Wait, he wasn't Canadian though. It was in Canada, but wasn't he Asian? Yeah, the Chinese Chorris, I believe. Jesus Christ. I never would know. I mean, just a racial profile here. I would never be afraid of a Chinese guy. Yeah, next to me. Yeah, they don't even let their germs touch you. They got the mouth mask. No, I thought you know all those knives and stuff. That's for tourists. Yeah. Well, I can have that bomb in it. Yeah, they go, Joe, I feel a little lighter on your back. Oh, I'll have it back. Oh, I, uh, I'm hungry. Just kidding.

I was I would meant it for mental problems, I guess. I've sat next to Crazy People on the bus, though. I sat next to the funniest time. All the way to Boston, I sat next to this gay guy with blonde, just this from like German gay guy with Daisy Doaks and a pink wife-beater. And he, I mean, he, big guy, too, not fat, but just kind of that German bulky. I hope this story's going where I hope it's going.

And I realized we're on a bus. You know. And it doesn't count. And it's, so I let him jerk me off. No, he, um, he, um, we just talked. So I let him jerk me off. No, he, we just talked. But I was uncomfortable at first because he was so flim-bling. He was just like, oh, those, those, those, those, you know, just, I mean, but halfway

through, we were just fucking laughing and talking. And he kept, of course, like, slapping my knee. You know, you're so far. Oh. Older, gloob and dead. You know, you go to the bar, that's my thing. Oh, you know, that shit. I was laughing. This was when I was hot too. So, you know, I talked to him.

I was just about to say, sit next to one of them now. You'll probably get a cooler reception. That's awesome. Wow. I'm just saying, I would, I could have done same thing as you do. They'll be like, can you move that you while long? Yeah.

Can you move that you while long? I don't know why that hurt. It's the absolute you're absolutely stating the fact that jerk but he's fat too now. It was the same guy. Absolutely right. I sat next to a girl, we're in Harlem. She was a fucking lunatic next to me.

And we're in Harlem and she started flipping out. She's like, there's an owl in the tree, there's an owl. We have to stop, there's an owl in the tree start screaming and everybody in the bus is looking out the window at this for this owl. It was a black bag. She's sitting there. Look, we're not in, we're in Harlem.

There's no fucking owls in Harlem, you move over on, sit down. They almost stopped the bus for an owl, like people just didn't know. What do we do, we stop for owls, I don't like it. Every now and then you'll get somebody on the bus who's on the cell phone crying hysterically and you're like, oh, something bad, or they're either a fight or something bad's happening and, you know, it's just kind of really awkward You're sitting there and they just just I mean sobbing uncontrollably and no one consoles them ever You're like, what is love?

They're just like, what are you gonna do? You get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to Call Aunt Susie. Yes, it's like stupid shit. It's not even interesting. One lady on the megabust, like as we're going to DC, was like, she was on a phone with her friend, and she would go, this is hell. This is hell. I'm like, well, this is nice. I'm glad she thought that if you were an old woman, that was the voice I would imagine you had. That's a towel.

My name's Helen. Helen Dylan and this is hell. The weirdest is to see like adults fight. I had my elbow here. No, I did. And they're all like in their 50s. I've written a lot of buses. Me too.

I mean, when I first started comedy, that's the only way you're getting some. I told Tim, because he did a stupid move to Vermont. Yeah, I was fucking dumb. That was a lot of things. I mean, just rent the cards six hours. Yeah, that was hours. Yeah, it's it's 40 red eye bus. I left the port authority at midnight. How much was the ticket? It was like 50 bucks. Yeah, you can literally rent a fucking little car. Yeah, like a small little car for 49 bucks a day.

Yeah, yeah. And like when you're taking the bus, it wasn't going from Vermont right to New York City. It was going to Boston and a million stuff. Yeah, it was like crazy. Yeah, and like when you're taking the bus it wasn't going from Vermont right to New York City It was going to be a lot to Boston and a million stuff. Yeah, it was like crazy. Yeah, it was 13 hours Right. Yeah, it was like it was like 11 hours every three hours. We stopped at a McDonald's Yeah, you have three hours. Yeah, you need energy. Yeah, driver needs energy Right, so we'll just stop and I would get a flare fish and get back on the bus Then you got a private car for that gig. That's awesome. No, I live in Jersey. I have I have a car Oh, I thought you said a private car for that gig. That's awesome. No, I live in Jersey there. I have I have a car. Oh, I thought you said a private car Why me like a limo or service? I said I had a luxury car That's true. You say look

What kind of idea difference it's a car. Yeah, it's Alexis ES 330 Wow, Alexis. It's an old one. I bought it. Yeah, okay It's purple. That's like having a sauce. It's purple. So you have a purple. Did they make a purple? Who's you buying off of? I bought it. Some middle-aged black woman? No, no, it's cool. It's like me and Princeton Royal tier. The only people that are allowed to even drive that car. So you drove up there, now you're driving back, right? Yeah, I drove back. Why didn't you give Tim and you ride? He drove on when I just got there weekend.

What? I went on Thursday. I went up for one night to take a half hour. Right? He's doing a whole weekend. Oh, so you had to leave. I'd leave. Although, if Tim was like, can I get a ride in Mac,

he was like, no. Yeah. He was like, no. No, it would have been almost the same amount of time though, if you'd have waited till. Yeah, I would have gone, I would have even waited till. I would have gone home the same time without herpes. Yeah, without herpes in warmer.

Or if I got herpes it would have been a funer way, but it would have been probably, what are you saying? It's, it's, it's, it's fucking nuts that you took a bus stupid But I waited a long time. I looked at flights flights with crazy money I figured a car would have been more expensive. I didn't price out a cool You didn't even try to price it. I just figured I would just get a get in a car

I figured it would be more expensive and if you run a car don't rent it in the city rent in Hoboken. Yeah I do that. Yeah across the river. Yeah, right? Ran to somewhere else. Yeah, cuz I take a bus to hooking. That would be, that would still save you seven hours. Yeah, I'll never do that again. That was a mistake. Yeah, it was terrible. Terrible.

Yeah, yeah, fucking awesome. I learned my lesson. No, I don't know if you did. I made friends though. Of course you did, you were with the friends. Hours. That's like, that's like, that's like, I started to talk to people. You start opening up and like, how are you here? powers? That's like that I started to talk to people you start opening up like how are you here?

Well, that's like me in a stage coach going to fucking San Francisco from New York Yeah, you'll be friends when you get there and some of you might die Like a boat yeah There's actually more people when you left people at babies and how was the bus trip? I want to capture you. Yeah, you married an Indian on the way there. Right, right. Wow, fucking buses, man. But they've definitely made improvements back when the

Peter Pan sucked. The Greyhound was just a trotious. Yeah, Peter Pan's at least had the movie. And when you went to, when you went to the Port Authority, was a fucking nightmare. Port Authority is the worst part of any trip. It's still bad, it's better than you be. It's better, like you're not gonna get stabbed now.

But you guys say when I went there, they had one food place open, and it was like a cafeteria trough type of setting. And you would line up like a prison, because I'd always take the early bus out, and you'd be there with just homeless people scooping, then they scoop eggs, and some type of sausage,

and it was fucking gross. Sounds nice. And you'd get on the bus with this container of awfulness. And just, you'd have to wait until you have that hungry to open this to eat it. It was awful. When you go there now, say you want to go from the first floor to the third floor. Yeah. You walk up the first flight of steps.

But then you have to walk to a whole different part of the building. Why? To go up the second flight of steps. Because they didn't put all the steps in a row. Yeah. They made the other steps like a block away. So when you're hurting from a bus, you can't just like go up a flight.

It almost feels like the whole place is designed to trick homeless people, like take you so they don't quite know how to get everywhere, like they have to figure it out. And they will figure it out. And they will. They're the only ones who know where to go if you go in

there is always a homeless guy who's bleeding who's like oh you got to make a left go up to fly to make a right they the only people I always give the guy a buck I'm like thank you and I because I'm always like late night I would save those dollars and rent a car I will stop being so generous you fucking walk from Long Island yeah first of first of all, I know you know, I know that's why I said it because it'll make you an Instantly and I'm looking at your fucking blotchy skin. I know you're not Italian. No Attinas don't get herpes That is true. It's a fact. Yeah Yeah, I don't I don't understand the but how long you been doing comedy? This is year six

Year six. Yeah, you should stop with the bus. No, it's about that time. It's about the taffy. You have enough money to, you know, it's about the time I'm going to stop. I mean, you know, I understand what you do. You don't take the bus anymore, do you? No, I haven't.

I've taken it to Atlantic City because it's convenient, but that's it. Is there a train that goes to Burlington? Yes, like 13 hours, same as the bus. It's a lot more expensive. How much more? A few hundred, like it's like a scenic train ride. Oh, it's beautiful though.

Yeah, I know. I should have taken it, but here's the problem with that. There's one train that leaves every morning at like 6 a.m. and that's it. So what? So I don't get up at 6 a.m. Why? Because I don't like to.

Well, don't like it mad at me, Tim. I'm not mad at you. You're like, cause I don't like to. Yeah, don't like it mad at me, Tim. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. You're like, cause I don't like to. Yeah, and the story I wanna talk about. I get it. You know, yeah, I have a two to three hour breakfast. It's leisurely, a waffle leg. A two to three hour breakfast.

I have a friend. Are you a prince? I have a friend. The first round is like a Greek yogurt to get my stomach ready and that. For what? For breakfast. For breakfast. That is the real breakfast. The first round is like a Greek yogurt to get my stomach ready and that's what for breakfast That is the pro by others yet now

Yeah, you get it's I Wait, what's key for key for the yogurt that's a probiotic. It's a liquid. Oh now. This is I'm gonna get it now This is definitely woman's prop podcast liquid. Oh, now this is I'm gonna get it now. This is definitely woman's prop podcast. What is for it? It's a probiotic that but I'm so good for your intestines though. You know, you know, where can I get it? Yeah, it's near the milk show you're not 46. It's why you worried about your intestines if you take no, but if you take if you take care of your intestines

now, it's good for you. I'm into that making shakes it's good for shakes yeah I got I got I got a I got a I got a cuz I eat a diet it's too high sugar and carbohydrates I know yeah I know but I got to get a probiotic and it's a good substitute every time I crave ice cream a lot every time I crave ice cream I just go to the yogurt well what what is it but like I have to spend my crave ice cream. I just go to the yogurt. Well, what? What is it? Like, I like to eat at night, late at night, and I just say it on a pint of hoggidaus. Oh, I'm in a pint. But after a show, you just have to face it. One man's podcast.

Yeah, that's not, I love that too. Okay. When there's a hotel when they have the pints of Ben and Jerry's, or the hoggidaus, at the front desk, I have to fight it like a strip club back in my 20s. I am fucking walking. I walk by like five or six times

and like, can I help you, sir? Yeah. No, no, no, no, I'm just, oh god, I want to, I think what it was, it was a Burlington, Vermont. I got the Ben and Jerry store. Oh my god. So it's like every day I'm just,

I'm like, well, I gotta eat it because I'm here, but the thing is, it's the same shit as the Ben and Jerry. Yeah. But you just use it as an excuse. You're like, well, I guess I'll eat it every day. I'm here. Gary Gommins joke on eating ice cream that he just did

on Colbert was one of the fucking greatest. Can you, I forget it. Can you pull that up real quick? Just just the ice cream part. The fork, yeah. But the whole thing about, the ice cream. About, because I've done this when you're eating ice cream,

you're like, I want to eat the whole thing. I'm just gonna have, I'm gonna have a little bit. And then, but you keep going because you keep finding shit in the ice cream. And it's like, I gotta eat this piece. And then that piece melted and you go, it's so funny. It's very hard to get into a pint and get out of it. You can't get out of a pint.

You cannot get out of a pint. I can, that's why if they have the little baby ones, I'll get those because I'll eat the fuck out of that. I like that so, that's the, the piece of tea. But a pint, that's just, it's such a shame. But a pint is the perfect amount. I agree. It's too much, but it's the perfect too much.

And I feel like you always end up getting a pint, even if you get an ice cream sundae and they put three or four scoops in it, that's a pint. I can eat the fuck out of ice cream, man. Yeah. I remember my little brother, we go to this thing called the Keller House, up and way up in the Hampshire.

It's been there for, you know, 100 years. It's this little, looks like a ski lodge, one of those, you know, fucking German little ice cream chocolate making huts places, you know. And you go in and they're making fresh chocolate treats in the back candy makers and all these. It's beautiful. And then they have this part, it's just ice cream. And you go in, you get one, two, three, four, or five scoops. And they scoop, and it's like a, it's like a softball. And they scoop these, and then you put your own toppings. You do your own toppings. That's so bad.

And my brother was like, I was like, dude, I'll eat ice cream because yeah, fuck you. You can't eat the five. I go, dude, I will eat five. Like it's nothing better. And he's like, I'll bet you, and I was like, all right, I got five, and I got my own toppings, 10 minutes, it was all gone.

Great. And I could stay more. And how do you feel after it? Fantastic. Fantastic. I feel horrible. I'm sugar-accompanied. No, my stomach kills me.

Nothing. You're smaller. Yeah, nothing. You have less to fill. Yeah, nothing. I can, I'll eat, ice cream does nothing to me. Yeah, nothing. I can, I'll eat ice cream does nothing to me. Oh my God. Nothing.

Ice cream is just, it's something, it's like enjoyable, but I don't even consider it a food. No, it's just, it's something to do during the day. It's frozen sweet. It's like, if you're bored, it's like, that's what I, it's frozen sweet. If you're bored, it's something to do. Yeah, it's frozen sweet air.

That's what, it's nothing to me. Pizza will fuck me up. Yeah, pasta, yeah. I'll go into a food air. That's what it's nothing to me. Pizza will fuck me up. Pasta. I'm going to a food column. My feet will feel wet. Ice cream. Ice cream does nothing to me.

That's why I can't. You can't pee on your feet. I'm going to play this bit right now. This is Gary Gellman. Just move them. I find myself eating it flat. I eat more, and then I'll come across a chocolate chunk, and I'll have to excavate that.

And then there's a pothole. I got to smooth that over. I'm doing all this ice cream masonry work, and then it starts to melt around the edges. And that's delicious, so I have to eat that. Before I know what I've hit bottom, literally and figuratively, I've hit bottom, and I just, I finished the ice cream, and I put the fork down. I, more often than not, I use a fork to eat ice cream.

More often than not, I use a fork to eat ice cream. And if you eat ice cream with a fork, I know you so well. Because my policy. That's funny. They got to change the logo in that show. Yeah. The logo. I feel like you're at a club in Tampa. Yeah.

When I see, you know, this is CBS. This is, you know, the kids. That's kind of weird. Well, when they do comedy, they have that, it's like they try to make it a comedy club. Yeah. Don't do that. Yeah.

It may get prestigious, because he's the prestigious one now. Right. You know, when you do stand up, Steven Colbert, your David Letterman took it over from Johnny Carson, I think, kept it. Tonight's show is great and fun, but they have a lot of young guys. It's a lot of the guys they have on Stephen Colbert are pretty much mother fuckers who are, you know, been doing it a while.

You know Sam Oril did that show, right? I take it all back. I think, yeah. All these late night shows, show Sam he just got you I You know they're going like this is funny. We're going extinct these late night shows because there's nobody's watching the show The note because there's 19 of them right we grew up with one yeah one and then two yeah, but two on the same channel Same night. Yeah, you know stand so one fall the other one. That was all we had right so of course. It's like hours So one fall the other one that was all we had right so of course it's like hours

There's stand-up specials aren't special anymore. Yeah because there's fucking night You could go to Netflix or showtime or there's people that have specials you don't even know the fuck they are So what's the next special thing? Is there anything? Yeah, comedy's gonna come to a fucking screeching hall people gonna stop going and Something else is gonna take its place of music or something, some type of live performance like poetry or fucking music again and I mean, think of it right now. I should keep taking the bus. That doesn't seem like it's heading. Like the arc doesn't seem.

Wait a minute, I mean, I mean, it has to, I can't, I mean, I don't think it can, well, it's different now because before we'd have a comedy boom, it would go away because, you know, it's just so saturated and so many things, and then people would just be like, oh, fuck it, I'm not going to comedy clubs anymore. But now, there's so many channels,

there's so much technology, there's so many ways to watch comedy. It's not just a couple shows. It's a million different shows. So maybe it stays around. I don't know, but it's not special anymore. I mean, when was the last time you stayed home to watch somebody special? Brian Regan's live special. He did it. He was like the first to do a live stream special. Like it was on the air live to tape. Yeah, but yeah, yeah, you have to have fucking bells and whistles to make it special. You're gonna have, yeah, I'm gonna do it. I'm doing my special from a hot air balloon,

300 people on hot air balloons around me, and there's gonna be an electrical wire field at the end of my special, someone might die. It's also because we're comedians, and we're living in it, but a lot of the country, they're not going out, a lot they're staying home, they're putting on Netflix, they're putting on on demand, because I get tweets, you know, you get,

oh, I watched your Comedy Central thing on demand. People still do it. I just you could have your own television show. Yeah. These run those half hours constantly too. I must have seen it in the number. Yeah, they run them once, a hundred times. And then where does it go? Well, because they have a blue behind the paywall.

Oh, well now it's a new streaming service called Uplivian. That's all these new things too. It's all like C-so and ZipZap and BingBong and all these stupid, for- I was like, I was a Thanksgiving and I did it. ZipZap for my favorite. I did a thing on Go 90 and I had to explain

people that Thanksgiving, I'm like, oh, they go 90. It's, you know, it's an online digital streaming. And people just think I'm making it up. You have to buy a certain cell phone to have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is called the Go 90 phone. People like I'm making it up. They're like, sure. They're like, oh, we see your comedy's really well. I'm like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is called the Go 90's. We were like, I'm making it up. They're like, sure.

They're like, oh, we see your comedy's really well. I'm like, oh, yeah, I just did something on C. So they're like, how would we get C. So I'm like, I don't even know. I don't even know. I did the show. I did a big J show. And I thought it was for television.

It was on C. So I'm like, I just didn't internet show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, you know the fuck is, I thought it was TV. They had cameras and everything. They had like producers and a truck with food. Yeah. I was like, but you know what?

Who knows man? But it's just there's so many specials. There's so much shit out there that is it good? Is it bad? I don't know. I mean, I remember, you know, you'd see a Mitch Hedberg special. I remember Patrice's special came out. It was like, can we stay at home though? Yeah. Yo me he hecho una especie de un especial, yo me he hecho una especie de especial, como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como como en la nación. Y ¿cómo nos parece que es un desespero? ¿Cómo nos parece que es un desespero?

¿Cómo nos parece que es un desespero? ¿Cómo nos parece que es un desespero? ¿Cómo nos parece que es un desespero? ¿Cómo nos parece que es un desespero? ¿Cómo nos parece que es un desespero? ¿Cómo nos parece que es un desespero? ¿Cómo nos parece que es un desespero? ¿Cómo nos parece que es un desespero?

¿Cómo nos parece que es un desespero? ¿Cómo nos parece que es un desespero? ¿Cómo nos parece que es un desespero? ¿Cómo nos parece que es un desespero? ¿Cómo nos parece que es un desespero? ¿Cómo nos parece que es un desespero? ¿Cómo nos parece que es un desespero? ¿Cómo nos parece que es un desespero? It's corrupting comedy, it's getting useless, he's calling people out. I don't know, I don't know. I think it's, you can go both ways. You think that, people think that it's gonna be, you'll be able to say whatever you want now and fucking, I don't think so.

I think it's gonna, it makes liberals more edgy right now. So when you say something that they're like, you know, they wanna stand up a little more now. I don't think it's gonna be a huge difference. Like, I don't think it's gonna be, I think difference. Like, I don't think it's going to be, I think that there's a lot of comics now that feel like they have to use comedy as a platform to kind of speak truth to power.

That's going to be bad for comedy because that's not that funny. And it's very hard to do that type of comedy well. Guys like Bill Hicks and George Carlin and... Did it great. And prior to those guys did it great. Well, that is very like somebody doing open mics for a year or two. Maybe shouldn't start trying to be a profits, you know, well, there's some yeah, exactly. There's some people had a very strong opinion

and I think when they talk politics, it was at least you followed it and it was interesting, even if you didn't buy what they were saying, you laugh. I'll find the humor in it. Like, I remember Patrice, we would just listen to it yesterday, was talking about how he, he doesn't want racism to go away because he wants to be racist. And it was like, that made perfect sense. He was like, yeah, I don't, I want,

white people to say whatever they want. Because I want to be able to fucking look in an Arab dude and go, this fucking terrorist motherfucker. Because if you take it away from white people, you're gonna have to take it away from everybody at some point, right? And it's, I don't know. Yeah, there's a lot of comics that think they have a responsibility to tell people what to think about politics.

I was at the seller table. And people were having a conversation, some people who worked for SNL, we're saying, how could we have done differently to change the outcome of this election? And I'm like that's how Those are all those I was like I had to look at it. But it's so fucking laughable to me. Yeah, that they That they could have came up with a skit. Yeah, you be part of top Because like Jimmy Fallon had a monitor SNL had them on the me tell you right now.

The people of voter for Donald Trump don't give a fuck about Jimmy Fallon. They don't care about S now. They don't care about Merrill Street. No, they care about the new bow and arrow that's come back. We could have done anything. That's lighter and powerful. Right. And at the end of the day, it's like this whole idea of people thinking that they are

this really important force. I think is working against them. I think it's making them less relevant. Well, also, and let's put important force. I think is working against them. I think it's making them less relevant. Well, also, and less wanting people. Can I say something too? It's like, you know, I always, I was considered myself kind of down the middle on everything.

I can see points on both sides, which I think the way you should be. Right. You know, when you treat politics like a religion, is when you scare me. When it's like, I am this way, no matter what, I will, you know, whatever the fuck happens. That's a little fucking scary to me.

But now it's like, you know, these fuck, I was talking to a, stop us a party, you see, the Milo, they just shut him down at a college. They shut, and it's like, look, I understand, you know, believe, I don't believe in everything that fucking guy says, but I believe that he has the right to speak

at a fucking college. So you get to pick who, you get to pick, what if the students that want to hear that person speak? So they don't get to hear them because another group says, no, or what happened to the marketplace of ideas where if one person says something, you can have your own speech here. But you should be able to have that dialogue.

You should be able to go up and say what he wants, and you should be able to have somebody that you like fucking say what they want, and that way people get information and get to make their own choice. Colleges right now, I don't think a lot of people know how crazy they're getting. They're so peaceful.

Is it real? It's so bad now that when you're an incoming freshman, they give you like three to four pages of phrases you can't say, like things you can't tell somebody or you're articulate, you can't like, because they could read into it that you're saying that maybe that if you tell a black person, you're articulate, it means like,

oh, I wouldn't expect you to be able to spit like, so it's this really high percentage of, and what it is, is like cultural Marxism. It's basically saying that there's a certain group of people that are allowed to have an opinion and everybody else is not. That's crazy. That's crazy.

That's what it is. I don't know. Do you have that video clip? What? This is what scares me. Okay, you're supposed to be peaceful, you're supposed to be for human rights, you're supposed to be for gays, minorities, you're supposed to be for human rights, you're supposed to be for

gays, minorities, you're supposed to be for everybody. I mean, let's just face it. Whatever you're human beings, whatever skin color you are, whatever thing you put in your mouth or in your fucking pussy, you're a human being. It's beautiful, Bobby. This is a beautiful speech. I love it. You added pussy, too. You're a beautiful man. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch.

I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch.

I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch.

I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. I'm not going to be a bitch. speech shut down tonight after protesters converge on campus those protesters blocked the entrance to a lecture hall where a pair of controversial political speakers were scheduled to talk. Thanks for joining us tonight. I'm Chris. I don't understand. Why? How do I understand your angry that okay you don't like this person's what he stands for you believe he's racist you believe he's whatever the fuck you believe. Why the fuck are you getting violent over it? Why are you trying to hurt people? Why the police are there? The people that wanna go see this person speak,

well, you don't know why they, maybe they just want information. They just wanna, they don't know what this person is, they wanna hear it. So, so fuck you. You have to only have our views. And if you try to have everything, all this does, and this is why,

this is all this does is emboldened his supporters, all this thing that happened with Trump. Now Trump's gonna be the president. All this tactic is, all this does is make people that may have wanted to hear what the guy said. Now they're like, oh, fuck this. I definitely, you know, I just had somebody spit in my face.

Right. You just, I just got some spit in my face. Right. You just, I just got, these people just spit at me because I just wanted to hear what this person had to say. Right. I mean, I've just gone and done the speech. You've gotten way less press.

No, I was, yeah, I was, I was, I was performing in Pittsburgh. There was an Ann Coulter, so she was talking in the college and people were like protesting and I realized there were like news cameras there. And if, if, if, if nobody showed up, I would have never known she was talking in the college and people were like protesting and I realized there were like news cameras there. And if nobody showed up, I would have never known she was there. Nobody.

Nobody gives a fuck. If you, exactly, you don't give a fuck. And here's the thing, I was, several times actually said I was like, why do they, why do you have to be violent? Why do you have to, why, okay, why do you have to go and stop a block a highway so people can't go to work? Right. go and stop a block a highway so people can't go to work. Those people that woke up early, dropped the kids off at school

or at the mother's house or whatever, trying to get to work because they have to make those bills, because they have to pay the rent, they have to get the kids close and food, and here I am, and I can't get to work, I'm not going to get paid today because there's a demonstration. And he was like, well, you have to do that. People have to, people have to get hurt for people to understand and make change. I'm like, what's your fucking, you don't want, you know, why I got you're not even protesting anything real, but you're protesting a, an agitator

going to a college campus who says things that aren't, you know, you know, many of them don't really make even sense. And who cares? But it's like when you start hurting your first amendment, you start hurting other people and you don't give a fuck. It's the same. And you say, well, we have to do this. To make change is ridiculous to me.

When I'm a cop shoot somebody and they don't have a gun, they're sending it to person, I totally get people. You know what, we demonstrations, all of that stuff because at the end of the day they want to affect change with a specific thing They go we need more police oversight 100% great, but you know Trump wins a presidency You're protesting because you don't like what constitutional democracy. You don't like the electoral college Yeah, but stop but when you stop us some poor dad who's just in his fucking He's stupid when his shitty Nova try to get to work because he's got to make money because the kids birthday's coming up

And he's fucking you know, he's working overtime and all of a sudden he can't get to work And he's not gonna make that money in the boss is like this is the second time you late fuck you You're fuck and because of a protest and you fuck him. It doesn't matter Well that you just turn that guy into a fuck you to you or Tim's on the bus to to Vermont guy into a fuck you to you. Our team's on the bus to Vermont. I'm an hour seven of my journey. Nothing would make me happier. You know what?

The fucking Stavros was had a really great gig. And there was a Black Lives Matter rally right? And he couldn't make the tonight show. I would love it. This is what's happening, man. Colleges, you'd be funny. You'd get high party. Oh my god.

Drink. And now this is just people crying at cry. I wonder what, colleges now, if you say, they blog, yeah, they blog. I wonder what the movie would be today. What animal house would be today? If you had to make animal house, it would be like eight seconds long.

Yeah, it's also the safe space idea to college. It's like these places where you can't, it's like where the first amendment is suspended, so people's feelings don't get hurt. It's safer to not have the first amendment. And that's creeping into comedy. Listen, that's creeping into comedy. There's comedians that will agree with that.

But that has to go somewhere. What's the, I'm not saying names, but they are out there. Are they famous, non-famous? They're doing fine. They're doing better than they should be. Really? They will come out and say that they agree with all this shit. Yeah, 100%.

Really? And because that's coming into comedy. Google that. It's coming into comedy. Google that. It's coming into comedy. We can. But that's really of it. And that's, and you know, it's a crowd of people that believe certain things are hate speech.

This is what it all comes down to. Certain opinions you can't hold because they're hate speech. You say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm totally listening to you. I don't mean I really don't mean to cut you off. Oscar, will you please just sit in the chair I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm totally listening to you. I don't mean I really don't mean to cut you off. Oscar Will you please just sit in the chair because you sitting on the edge of that bench is

Making me uncomfortable. Yeah, you got it this poor guy. Oscar everybody Oscar. Hello. I mean, Oscar from his he has a podcast. What's the podcast called Geeks New York? Geeks in New York with these he He just showed up to these hanging out but the coaches I could have moved some stuff. He couldn't get past 10. I didn't. You could ask. I didn't want to I didn't want to. We could ask but then he sat uncomfortably on a fucking you know a bench that's 14 inches wide. I didn't even hear you. I just keep it. But I saw it's hippie toes. I know his calves are burning. It was like 40 minutes into a show.

It was a good workout. Yeah, exactly. I saw you, for head was sweating, your Mexican, Mexican hairline is gorgeous. For the weekend, thank you. Whatever, your Mexican. I'm sorry Tim. It's hate speech.

So they said, you know, I shouldn't be able to speak because he's saying hateful things. He's saying hate. I've actually went and listened to a lot of the things that he's not. No, I know, I agree. He's really not saying hate speech. No, he's actually very calmly. And if he was, here's a deal, you have to defend people's right to say hate speech.

Unfortunately, you have to, because if you don't, who decides what he's hate speech? I'm not saying that he's right about everything. I think some of the stuff he just says, but here's not an intellectual. But he's not a provocateur. He's not. He's not. Big word. I know.

But you look at these French. Maybe he was dying to use this. And he wanted to use it different voice too. He wanted to say, what do you want to do? Yeah, exactly. He's a French accent. Listen, I think he's not saying hate speech. He's very calmly and he's a great speaker. He has a lot of charisma a lot of stage presence

He's a gay man. He sleeps with mainly black guys He's hooked into a Hollywood and he knows a lot of famous people on the right side and He if someone confronts him he's willing to have the debate But the what happens and I get excited when I was watching these videos and, like these people would stand up and start yelling shit, and he'd be like, okay, what's your question, darling? He calls them darling, which I fucking love. I love when you guys call them and darling.

What is your question? It's just acts like a fucking old queen. And they would just falter. They're just screaming shit that they were told. And they're just, they don't know how to debate Yeah, but it's like spaces. It's like yeah, I was the leader in college You'd have to like I was on the debate team you'd argue with people yeah now nobody on college is a conservative like on a campus And if they are they're keeping their mouth shut. Oh, so you have no opposite point of view to argue

Also, the professors are are overwhelmingly liberal and they're the people who decide who else gets tenure Right, this system, right? Like the marketplace of ideas is dominated by the same ideal. It's just like the bubble of those. That's like bullying them. Like, it's silent bullying. It's not silent. It's fucking it's screaming loud, but you're doing it in such a nerdy.

It's like nerd bullying. Nerd bullying. Instead of taking somebody's lunch money, you're taking their right to speak. Here's your reality. This is all they have. They have the money. You're taking their right to speak. Here's your right What this is all they have they have the campuses they have lost the Congress to Senate. They have lost the White House They have the media here. Okay. Here's my problem. The campuses which is bad, but it's like they have the chaos Here's my problem. They lost is that they have if they have the campuses they have the future of people They're literally molding the students that come out of schools and it's going to filter down into other public schools.

This is going to be a backlash. I think people are. I may be right, but if it doesn't, you're actually cultivating fucking scores of new young people that are going to think this way. Absolutely. And it's going to take a long time and a lot of hard knocks and life's fucking smack at him in the face until the 30s and 40s for them to realize what how life really is. But they're coming out of college thinking this way. So I think it's bad. Now you say, yeah, we have the government,

but Trump is, dude, I'm telling you, man, Trump is really fucking up. He doesn't have an ideology. He's fucking up. He's really just a, he's being fucking silly and stupid. Nobody's putting him in check. His tweets are ridiculous. And it's almost like, you know, I'm a Democrat,

but I'm almost like in this middle, you know, kind of conservative. And I'm like, oh, I'm going over this way because these people are getting violent and angry and they're not saying anything anymore They're just saying racist and misogynist and sexist and hate speech and fuck you and spit on people and I'm like, fuck off And then Trump but he's really just a silly fucking dummy. Yeah, I mean talking about Television shows are you fucking nuts? It ain't great. And I said I don't remember.

It ain't great. Here's what I will say. I've never believed that the president was the the be all end all. I think the president does a ton. But I don't think Obama did a ton of eating good things. That's behind the scenes. That's shit. We don't know.

Right. What the world is focusing on, what are countries focusing on? Is this fucking lunatic? No, I know. He's, you know, Obama is an amazing, if it is a lot of symbolism, Obama was an amazing symbolic guy. But Trump doesn't seem to be. His family was great, his wife was very smart.

I mean, I started eating vegetables because of you. Okay, well that's, that's worked well. Because of the party. I had to say, hey, I eat a lot because of you. Okay, well that's, that's worked well. Because of the party. I ate a lot of the carbs. I ate vegetables too. I mean, I think you got it. You got it. I like that because I'm fat.

I get to vent the trouble. You guys stay. He was why he won't stop tweeting. He was able to win the election because he brought people into his paradigm. Yeah, which was social media and everything that he dominated the news cycle. He won.

He always wins. You notice like, he bypassed the media that overwhelmingly despises. Yeah, he just took on the CIA and pretty much won. I mean, it's insane what he's been able to do with Twitter. So he's not gonna ever stop tweeting probably. And you know, but there's nobody. I mean, I always envision there's a team of people like you see these movies and like get his cell phone. And there's some person that says you cannot kill. They'll kill us and they'll kill him if he keeps doing what he's doing. Who's there?

Who's there? The people that killed JFK, like people that people, what do you think Oswald killed JFK? The one guy killed JFK? There are people, you like it. You know, I went to the museum. There was one window that wasn't too. Okay. That's. I went to the museum. There was one window that wasn't too. Okay, that's the right way.

Where are you saying? I went to the grassy knoll, nothing there. I'm saying that. Let me ask you a question, Roda. Are you saying assassination or impeachment? Both. Do you think that JFK was killed by one person or it was a conspiracy more than one person? I think it had to be more than one person.

It had to be. Joe. Joe. I think it was one person i think i had to be more than one person had to be joe joe i think it was one person okay uh... oscar one shooter but he probably had to plan it with uh... people multiple people really what about you learn multiple people everybody no that joe macchi doesn't i mean joe macchi okay but i don't i i think i've read like twenty books on it and it's it's to do the the congress congress came out and said the congress the congress of the United States of America and congress we get it. The probable conspiracy.

This is from congress that reviewed the records and said you're a problem like a black host. But a progress. But a pre congress said it was a pro there was a probable conspiracy. This is the probably probably this is the United States Congress. Okay. I know. Say Congress again. I'm hitting you with this microphone. If they did, they did. I mean, I could see that he maybe he there was part of the conspiracy. I just thought he was the only I think I think yeah, it could be definitely conspiracy. I just think he's the one. What I'm saying is there are people that can take president's out of office one way or another in this country.

It's happened a lot of different people. But they've they've proven the point that there was he could have made that shot. They proved the point that his head could still go back, you know, it wasn't back into the left. But you don't know anything about the case. You don't know who George Warren should. Okay. Tell me, tell me. I don't. I want, can you tell me and without giving up on me? I need, do I have to read 20 books and have another podcast in 10 years? No, it's something. That's how it would take me to read 20 books and have another podcast in 10 years? No, it's something. Because that's how it would take me to read 20 books. Choving something statistically could happen doesn't mean that it's a probability, even

within the range of normal probabilities for that shot. Oh my God, you just want to do another level. No, but that's true. I mean, say something. Say that something could happen. Say that that shot could happen. Yes. Is not saying that it was a problem.

I could tomorrow become the most famous person in the world This it's probably not Let's say if you read the books if you read about a lot of this a lot of the stuff that that happened there And a lot of the figures that he was connected to That had to that were connected with the federal government. It's very weird that this guy, the Harvey Oswell, first of all, the Texas book depository, do you know what it was? It was, it was a private company that bought that space several months before the assassination. It wasn't a school book depository.

It was not a, let's say, let's say you're right. Oh, come on, say you're right. It was a conspiracy. It was more than one guy. Well, that was easy. It was a good, good. I am pretty good. And the fact that his brother got a conspiracy, it was more than one guy. Well that was easy, nice look. It was good. It was good. It was good. I am pretty good.

And the fact that his brother got murdered too, kind of locked that in the name. Jack Ruby, I mean, you know, his whole thing is, he's murdered immediately, and the guy who kills him is about, I mean, I'm okay, I'm saying, yeah. Let's just say you're right. Yeah, you say you're right.

Now, my problem is this, okay, here's my problem. With, let me tell you a few of your problems. White bread. Ice cream. Rice. Sorry, sorry, I apologize. I love rice. Is it rice? It's my favorite.

It's not bad for you. It's my favorite. It's my favorite. Yeah. No. Good Spanish rice. I hate Spanish rice. White.

Japanese sticky rice. No, it's good. Japanese sticky rice is the best. I like it. It's the best. So she rises. Jasmine rice is good. Yeah, we are. Jasmine rice.

Wow. Indian rice. Jasmine, fuck, Jasmine. I mean, no offense, but it's good, but it's not. Sticky rice, I go sticky rice, Spanish rice, and then Jasmine rice. Mm-hmm. Actually, I go rice.

Look at rice and Roni. I go before Jasmine rice. I go rice and Roni. Hmm. Okay. Actually, I go rice. I go rice. I go rice. I go rice and Roni. Yeah. Absolutely. Anyways, back to the actual series. I like this half.

They're actually passing, they're trying to pass a role in North Dakota where you can actually legally run over the protesters. They're trying to pass off the, I forgot the term, but the reliability. Bring it up. Yeah. That is, that's interesting. I wanna get, I wanna talk about that. Okay, it happened, that's the way to, now. Back then, the greatest piece of technology somebody

I was at, eight millimeter camera, I got fucking four minutes of video. Yeah, absolutely. Okay? Yeah. Granny video, now, cell phones, internet. Right. People can find out anything that hackers can know anything anywhere. You can't hide.

They can't do what they used to do. Absolutely. Absolutely. They will fucking find out. If you're see what's been going on, he's been at war with the Central Intelligence Agency, there's leaks all over the place. The National Security Apparatus is intentionally sabotaging him before he gets in And and I'm not saying Trump's even gonna be a good presenter that he was the guy that should have been elected

But I'm saying is he's clearly in a fight with some very powerful people. I agree But I don't they have knocked over leaders in many other countries name one. I just what do I mean? They've knocked over Name one Pinochet. Yeah, Pinochet The Shah veran. I mean these diss Pinochet. Yeah, Pinochet, the chavaran. I mean, these dissentral tell-to-tale take to see. That's not many.

I mean, we could go through, our bends in Guatemala. I mean, we could go through a lot of them. All right, that's the three. That's not many. That's not many. No, that's a real. You're, if three presidents of America have to. But if your own chips is three, many.

But they've proved. Or is it a few? If I use it, dude, can I get some chips? We're fucking in chips. We're talking bags, not chips. Yeah, we're talking many, let's me not. Many chips. But here's what I'm saying is, the Central Intelligence Agency has in the past shown that

they're proficient at assassinating leaders, covering it up, fomenting coups, why they would not do it in this country, I don't know. I love chips too. I know. I know. I know. Regular chips, not raffles, shitty fucking chip. But I look, I know they don't like him.

A lot of people don't like him. But I don't think it's going to be, I think maybe if they're involved, but I think it's going to be one of these fucking crazies who treats, you know, democracy, the dams, the libs, or whatever they fucking call them. I think it's gonna be one of these crazy motherfuckers that just takes him the fuck out. Or they might just be waiting until he becomes president to impeach him with these tapes, right?

These N words tapes. How do you appease somebody with an N word tape? That's not a piece of shit. He'll go, I don't care. Yeah, I said it. Yeah, it's not. It's not an impeachable offense. Yeah, you can't, you can't,

he can say whatever he wants. Well, they're trying to do it. I bet it'll find Obama saying it. They're trying to rein him in. Here's the deal. They're trying to rein him in so that when he gets in that, and they did the same thing with Barack Obama. Listen, I mean, you know, Barack Obama had the secret drone war

that the CIA ran for many years. A Barack Obama basically kind of went along with the program. We went in a Syria. We went in the Libya. We did everything. Syria, we went in Libya, we did everything. How many bombs were they dropping a day? 26,000 in like a year. It's insane. And we didn't even know about it.

And nobody ever thought, oh, bomb is a, he's so peaceful and lovely. He's not. No, none of them are because they're not really running the show. If the president got up tomorrow and said, let's bring all our people home. Let's not have bases all over the world. Let's not be an empire. Let's not do this. You would see how long that guy would be out.

It wouldn't mean anything. I go to this thing in Utah. Did you find it? The bill that was talking about North Dakota. Yes. North Dakota. So Republican, Republican lawmakers in the state introduced a bill last week in the legislature that would not hold motorists liable for negligently rolling

running over the people upstructing a roadway. Yeah. The bill was introduced in response to a year of protests over a proposed pipeline near the standing rock Indian reservation. I mean, that's crazy. Yeah, I mean roads are meant for a travel. So you want to say in the video with that, when you want to say in the video of that? People are going to come from Mississippi, Texas. They're just going to drive up there just to run motherfuckers over. Yeah. I mean, if it's the least, you can never pass that.

They can never pass. That's never going to be passed. No, you can't pass. How could you actually pass that law where you could murder somebody for blocking? I mean, pedestrians have the right way. I don't know if it's that you could murder them but that you won't be held responsible

if they happen to dart out in the middle of the street. Imagine if they passed that in New York. Be gray. Why would be gray? You don't even know a car. You'd be dead. I like the idea that I could kill someone. Well, maybe his bus would get there quick.

Yeah, megabytes. We have a color Bob. Yeah, let's bring up the column. Hey, what's up? You're on YKWD. What's happening? What's up, dude? I called you not too long ago, man.

I just want to talk about the conspiracy that you guys may talk about. Okay, what's up? All right, Matt, straight up off the top. Top-eyes chicken chicken is increasing in price, but the portions are getting smaller. What the fuck do you call that? What's he got to say about that?

I agree with, number one, I agree. And I think Papa's quality's going down too, which I don't know. Papa's used to be the best chicken. It was, it was a secret. It was almost like, and they had the rice with the meat. It's something. And it was, it was a fucking, it was almost a tree. Because probably falling off.

Yeah, I go to KFC too. So I, we agree with you, sir. The chicken's getting smaller. You're an Irish guy from Boston, right? It's $13 for chicken breasts. Yeah. You don't get that. You don't get the large dirty rice. So you should just slip down the side. Just how great was it? Don't say rice. How great with dirty rice, though. How great was that's a slower ball. Be canceling that hot sauce on the dirty rice. Come on, man. Oh, it's so good. I'll eat that whole cup of dirty rice just the rice.

Oh, so chicken. So Kennedy assassination and Popeye's chicken. I don't know. I don't know. Both very sad days for this country. Look, some people have some priorities are different, okay? All right, let it roll. Right.

How about the biscuits though? The biscuits? Do you have any? Did you have the, you have the, you have the biscuits? Do you have the you have the poboy This guy works for pop-up But did you know that they got a guy like if you go to the south and he pop-up, there's a dude he just makes the biscuits

It's only like a southern thing though like not all the pop-up got her to do and you go in there He's got a little hat and he's got his own little corner to store. And he just slowly makes those bits. Oh, dang, they're fucking laughing. Oh my god. Oh my god. That sounds, that makes me hungry right now. Did you ever have a Paul boy, a Paul boy chicken sandwich at, at Popeyes?

No, I never had it. But listen, man, I, I, me and Chris Scopo one day stopped at a, just one of the, the Popeyes at a rest stop and they had the Paul boy. It was the best fucking chicken sandwich I've ever had. I've dreamed about it. Clams on and shit or chicken. Chicken. Clams and chicken. What are you fucking nuts? Paul boys usually have shrimp. He's right. Shrimp, but not clams. We've got chicken together. Yeah, you don't put clams on chicken. You had a fried oyster one. You can't get fucking oysters and chicken, man. I'm not saying and chicken. All right.

Well, you, I'm not talking about, what's that? They still make those at Popeyes. I can't get them. Yeah, you can go and get one. The best chicken sandwich is all about, how about this though? What about the fact that they stop fucking with the spicy meat chicken and McDonald's? You can't find them in no way now.

That's what I want. That, I'll tell you why because they started, they fucking everybody's complaining. McDonald's is going down the, down the hill. They's what I want. I'll tell you why because they started, they fucking everybody's complaining. McDonald's is going down the, down the hill. They're not making money because they used to be legitimately spicy and then they started fucking it up. They got to go to Wendy's. They got to go to Wendy's.

Just something healthier, sir. No, stop being so. You got to go to Wendy's. I got a KFC. KFC is the next one. That's right. In the 90s, they had a Mont a moderate ranch chicken sandwich and a gold wrapper Which is the best thing?

Yeah, they don't see chicken be honest man. What's that KFC that that fried chicken? It doesn't seem fly me to you a little bit like it's not it's not the best fried chicken I I will not I'm not gonna say that I mean I'm Popeyes was a better chicken. And if I ever find, what I do is I help it. I help it. I help fried chicken. And there's always, if you help fried chicken where you're at, there's always a place that does fried chicken.

Now, in New York City, on 44th Street, between 9th and 8th, there was a place, it was a restaurant, but on the side, they had a door and they had these Haitian women, black fucking Haitian women, they had a little chicken, a little chicken, they had a chicken, and it was a little, it was in the back, you had to go in, and there was a little door and you went into the back of the restaurant, they cooked their shit, but these little, these three little women had this part, fried chicken off the fucking chain.

Nobody knew it was there. It was always packed, but like you tell people, this is the best fried chicken they've been like, I never saw it, I walked by that said 900 times. I don't know if it's still there, but it was unbelievable chicken. I'd rather get fried chicken from that,

like a local place, then go to KFC. KFC's no good. Local fried chicken, but I a local place, then go to KFC. KFC's not good. Local fried chicken, but I mean, it's, the bell was good about pop, I don't mean to take back a pop line, it sounded like it was supposed to be from pop line, but it was like, out of all the fucked up fried chicken

at fast food creator, I feel like pop line, they got it halfway right. Like they got that home style. Now what about this? What about the, this, this, this, this, there's a bunch of uh... black uh... tried chicken places like in harlam or like kings and the roosters good what is it what is another was the other place

uh... kennedy kennedy's house kennedy's i don't know there have been a year but the niggas to the base they got good chickener right we are sure uh... we have to go. All right, thanks, man. I mean, just talking about the real shit, Bobby,

and we JFK is cool, but you know the chicken is fucked up, and I appreciate you talking about that. No, I'll hold it down. All right, buddy. I'll talk to you later, but I take it. He ain't wrong. That word will still stop a room full of white people right now tracks. We all just went, it's really hard to get people to meet me there.

Like, where do you want to meet? Hopefully, Donald Trump, if you said that was just going to be that right, Sean. Somehow, this is explainable. It's, yeah, I don't know what's going to happen. I was shocked that they didn't have worse stuff on Trump. I was amazed that there was not some video of him doing something worse than that. You don't think they have. I think they have it. They're just waiting. I don't know why you'd wait until he's the president. Like, it would get you would knock him out before he won. Like, because I don't think they wanted Hillary to be

president. No. The people that have it probably will like, oh, let's see. You get. I don't think they prefer my friends. He's the only thing Trump is bad. Mike Pence is Skeletor. Yeah. He's going to tweeted that like, he's the worst guy. He's peeling his face off. It's all red. That guy is like, forget it. Yeah. There must be saving it for the ace in the hole. That's like when they really need it, they're gonna bust out this video. What about what Steve Harvey said a week ago about Asian men? What did I say? I'll play the clip.

Steve Harvey, she's very polite. She's very polite. Nobody's ever said what about what Steve Harvey said on any of our videos. He has Steve Harvey's broadcast. Yeah, that we know he has. He did one week and then said, ah, it ask too much work

A white woman a practical guide for Asian me That's Well, this is killing That's one page two. Excuse me. Do you like Asian men? No. Thank you. What?

How did they do black woman, a practical guy, to men. Same thing, Mr. Same. You like Asian men? I don't even like Chinese food. It's just that nobody likes Asian dudes. Yeah. You had the whole point. Yeah. Well, you know, okay, I had this conversation with three Asian dudes out in front of the

seller around six years ago. Maybe five years ago. No. They would try to date you. You're like, I don't like it. I don't like it. It's a doozy as well. How to date Robert Kelly. We're out front and of course there's Godfrey R.D. and they're priming out and they were just fucking chicks everywhere. And I think there was a black dude with an Asian girl, and there was a white chick with a black guy, and there was white chicks with white guys.

And they were like, they were telling me how fucked, they were like, what fucked? We have to have arranged marriages a lot of the times, because nobody wants to be with us. Like our women want to be with white guys and black guys. They don't want to be with us. And white women won't fuck us and be with us. Black women don't want anything to do with us.

When was that time you saw a black chick with an Asian dude, like a real Asian guy? And they were like, yeah, we have to have a range of marriages a lot of the time because we won't have anybody because they want to fuck other races. They want to fuck the white guy. The black guy. I think Trump's gonna help them. I think that's an issue. I think Trump's gonna get in there. It was weird to hear that though. And it's it is.

It's sad though. Have you ever dated an Asian guy? No. Would you? I've been attracted to one in high school, but I think he was half Asian and I think he was like really tall and not totally Asian sadly, you know, we have to half the move like the American A's like Steve bird is like the perfect Asian like he's sorry Yeah, he's like a good look, you know, I mean he's a good looking He's Asian and he's he's Irish and he's he's like a good look, you know what I mean? He's a good looking, he's Asian, he's Irish, and he's a good looking guy.

I mean, but- But it's hard for them because they're usually short, right, you know, and that takes out people like me who wanna date tall people so we can look straight ahead. And then the penis stereotype, that's true. So small penis is a, I'm not doing that, right? I mean, really? I think it's like a micro penis stereotype, that's true. So small penis is a, I'm not doing that, right? I mean, really? I think it's like a micro penis stereotype.

That's not true. But first of all, you have to be in the line. You have to be in the line. First of all, I've watched many, first of all, I've watched many Asian shemales that find penises. Pull that clip, please. Pull that clip.

Say it again, I've watched many. Listen, the penis thing is just a false. They're smaller people so you assume they're dicks, and then you're comparing them to some black dude. Irish dudes aren't like, you know what I mean? Like I feel like, I don't know, Irish guys don't have big dicks. No, I think something, I think it's just,

I think some, a lot of Asian cultures haven't assimilated into America as well as other groups of people. So I feel like maybe it's just less, like trying to count such an insular community. Maybe people aren't meeting each other organically. Maybe things aren't, you know, there's all kinds of reasons why this should happen. You know, everyone automatically says,

racism or discrimination or stereotype. People maybe aren't meeting each other. So maybe it's racist now that if you're not attracted to a race? No, I don't know. No, they're too homogenous. They're with each other. I think there's a lot of communities are very insular. How many Russian people, real Russian people, first, second generation immigrant Russian people,

are marrying other Russian people? A lot. A lot of white guys are marrying Russian girls. That's true, but they have to pay a good dollar for them. But a lot of communities that are. Thank you, deep. Our laughing at my. My are in my soul. My people just come in a contact with each other enough. You know, a lot of immigrants live in New Yorker LA.

They live on the coast. They don't live in the middle of the country. They stay with each other. Right. Well, they do, but it's also segregation. But my point is, is they might stay, you don't think a Chinese guy or an Asian guy would want to do a hot blonde or a hot white. Tell me some Japanese guys not getting laid, a cool Japanese guy with the long hair and a fucking, look, he's got to overcome a lot. First of all, the Brad Pitt of Japan is getting laid.

Yes. But what's talking about the average fucking Asian guy is not the their women want to date black guys and white guys. Well, because they're getting hit on like so much from like all directions. So they get the they get a little bit of a this is what they told me. Well, if you if you talk with them, it's because I never said you could speak. If you talk with the old Asian women, they don't like dating Asian guys because it reminds them of their older brothers, it reminds them of their dads who are really strict to them.

I love white guys. Yeah, maybe. Would you ever date an Asian guy? I'm right here. It just depends. We're not Asian. I am Asian, South Asian. Oh god, you're a fucking definition.

That's not. I mean, you're technically from a well-known Asian. I wasn't even thinking of, are you Indian? you're too. I wasn't even thinking of, are you Indian? Yes. Yeah, I wasn't even thinking of Indian. We're not talking, I'm not talking. I know.

But no, don't mix that up. I think Indian guys, they date, a lot of girls date Indian guys. Indian guys date out. You guys are fine. Yeah, I'm not talking about, I had to talk with fucking three Chinese dudes downstairs. Chinese dudes and they were like,

you stopped three delivery guys. No, we were out front, they were out the show, and they were like, they were looking at God-free and Arty, and the girl, these Chinese girls, they were there, they were kind of cute, and I was like, what's up dude, hit on them, they're like, you know, why, why? They was like, no, they fucking,

that's what they wanna be with. Well, black guys have an advantage, they're typically bigger in every part. You know, why guys like Asians aren't, you know, it's like, it's a very well in employment and college graduation statistics. They got other stuff happening. Does it bother any walls that's just high the average in bad stand up comedy? It's just so many comics just it's like here's a racial stereotype that a lot of people have already made jokes about I'm going to make a joke about it like what's the given example? Well, exactly what Steve Harvey just did

Yeah, what and his example is that nobody wants to bang Asian guys. There's no punchline Right, you're trying if you're trying to say that Steve Harvey is not one of the greatest comedians of several years. I will walk out of this room. I'm not even stuck with him. DL Hugley just fuck a total of them go fuck himself. Well, because of the Trump thing. Yeah, he just, he said, you know what? Fuck you. Yeah.

Now, I mean, I mean, that's one of his dudes. That's one of his bros. That's the guy from, you know, the Kings of Comedy. They made it together. That show broke all those fucking guys. And Trump has said made him go fuck you to Steve Harvey. Yeah. You want to play that deal? He said he actually was one guy on the, I figured what it was. I do want to play that. But one guy

was like, look, man, you have some fucking some, he was a black guy. He said, you have some fake, some fake Negro going up and representing black people to Trump. You should have highly intelligent black people that know the issues meeting with Trump, not Steve Harvey. That's Steve Harvey. Absolutely true. Abs of fucking Lully true. Absolutely.

What the fuck is Steve Harvey's got three game shows? I mean, a mediocre hour. What the fuck is he gonna do? That's absolutely true. And he's, he was wearing a wig for fucking years and live to other people. I don't trust people who lie about their wigs. Yeah, I agree.

Well, if you were in a wig, just say you were wearing a wig. There's a lot of that where like Seth Rogen will speak to the, to Congress about Alzheimer's. Or like, it's like celebrity culture has, has gotten into politics. I mean, we got a celebrity president, a reality TV. Well, what do you say about what do you, okay, you're, you're a comedian, a famous comedian, they come to you and they go, look, what about this issue?

What do you, and you believe that, okay, guns, I don't, I don't believe in guns. I believe that this should be some type of log is machine guns and we're killing, what do you do, say no? I think you do say no. I really do. I think at a certain point you do say no. I think you're right. You have to say, listen, man, at the end of the day, it's not my place. Me speaking out on this issue is maybe going to drive more people like that's the thing. People don't want to be lecture to buy celebrities. People don't give a fuck. They don't want to be lecture to by people who live in 10,000 square foot mansions in Malibu, California, who fly private, whose kids go

to private school, who don't ever rely on public transportation, who've never really relied on government services. You don't know how any of this shit works, who just think that everything will work, you know? Tim's really still mad about this whole bus thing, you know? That's the thing, man. It's like, it's like a really hot person going into a dating group. Snap when you're done talking. Yeah. A hot person going into a dating group and being like, no, I get it, man, you don't.

My advice then would be if I'll try to write a joke about it. That's funny. Right. That has the point I want to make. I mean, and the, the laugh has to come first. Not to try to get me involved in lots of things. people want me to speak out on psoriasis and I say no I say no even though you know, what about herpes herpes psoriasis bus herpes. They're all they're all knocking on my door I don't know though a lot of I mean look you look at the golden globes and it was just all over the place

It was you know as a political you know I mean there was just and it was just all over the place. It was, you know, it was a political, you know, I mean, there was just, and it was all one side. And there was people in the audience that voted for Trump and did, but they didn't, they would never say, Holly was not like a Dan of realism. You know, Holly was a show business. So they're going to get up and it's a show. You know, I mean, no,

street speech about how immigrants are the ones making movies and then she shows four white checks and Viola, David. I mean, come on. She how immigrants are the ones making movies and then she shows four white checks and viola david I mean come on she was from Benito Italy. She's from Jerusalem. It's like this is ridiculous You you people you the maristrieve deals with Mexicans when they fucking more lawn They're not in movie once a less Hollywood movie you've seen with a true like with two Mexicans as the leads It doesn't fucking happen. So who is she lecturing about fucking anything? I'm like, does that kinda... Ah, ha ha ha ha.

I think Tim just ran that. But I would like if I could... But if I could run it again. I'm going LA for two weeks in February and then I'm... You were talking so much again, but ties to everybody. I'm gonna try to hang out Marl Street and fucking be like a Uber liberal and be like,

yo, I think what I got to do. Look, dude, I just like your Mexican, right? What are weekend, but I'll take. I mean, I think minorities, I think especially Mexicans are doing way more than they used to look, man, I used to go when I was in L.A. Back in 2000, I would go to audition. And they used to. Look, man, I used to go, when I was in LA back in 2000, I would go to audition and there would be me in a couple of Mexicans and I, they would give the role to a guy.

If I had a goatee, black hair, and I could fake on Ixay, I could do it. I booked a role on the job with Dennis Larry as Luis. I was a Cuban guy and I just, they could have found a Cuban actor, but I pulled it off. That performance was, but now that's why I got into comedy though. What, you as Luis,

was why I dropped that college, started doing comedy. So it meant a lot to me. It might not have meant anything to you. But here's the thing is that, that doesn't exist anymore. You know that. I mean, when they go for a minority,

shit, when they go for a minority. shit, when they go for a minority. Well, you just played a woman on cop show, right? Didn't you play sister or something? Sister ping. Sister ping. They played sister ping. There you go. Yeah.

But the whole thing was that I was pissed that I was playing it. Right. The whole thing was I was like, can I fucking be me? Why do I have to fucking be? The, the, the, the, you have to wear a joke. The subtext, the subtext to that joke is calling Quinn not believing a myrish. Why do I have to fucking be the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the You don't have, and I always tell him, fuck you, I'm a Zyra Shizhou, and he's like, fuck you, you're not.

And there's sister Ping. He finally gives me a shot, and I have to play a Burmese woman, you know, that's funny. So that's it. So that's where that comes from. But I mean, they're actually giving the roles to minorities now. Look at any show, look at the shows on the CW. Look at any of these shows with superheroes. It's fucking, it's like the Beneton ads. Yeah.

There's gays and there's blacks and there's, you know, lesbians and there's, you know, the only thing they don't have is transvestites. They don't have trannies or, you know, transsexuals at all. I don't know. That'll happen. Well, it happens soon. Yeah, but it's not. They're still holding back on that for some reason. Hollywood's like, let's just chill with that. I don't know why, probably some of these guys are fucking, you know, they're gonna have to go and give girls that know them a fucking job.

Hey, what's up, baby? How you doing? Thank you for the job. When I go on auditions for Spanish stuff, they're like, can you not be from Spain? Can you be Mexican? Are you kidding me? Are you from Spain?

I'm totally joking. I mean, I'm totally not joking. Really? From Spain. Yeah. Really? So they don't want you. They want you to be American. They want me to have like the Latino accent and not what is the difference? Like like Barcelona with the with the list. She has a Castilian like Castilian. She's like Barcelona. Can you be like Barcelona? You know like more Latino. They're like like can you be saying Barcelona the middle of it? Barcelona, but standing someone on a public bus while you do it. Make us feel better. So do Barcelona for me? Do Spanish, like Spain.

I'll be like Barcelona, how are you? Oh, you make me buy shoes in the city. And then I went to the store to buy a real ad. All right, this is Trump's America. I don't have to listen. You know what I mean? I might have a list.

I might literally dick at a heartbeat for the first time I do it And then they'll stop me be like whoa really you're from don't be from Spain They say that yeah, and then what how do you switch it up now now now okay? I can't they don't tell me I need you to be more Mexican. How can do that? It's hard. I'm embarrassed cuz I don't I'm like try I'll do this do do the sitos. Why? Do the sitos, now go. Oh yeah.

Okay, no, but I'll change like the T.H. I'll just change it to a seat. I want to be. No, zapato, tu quieres zapato de esta ciudad, like you want the, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, it's a little more nasal. Hey man, I don't know. It's an interesting time. Yeah. Right now is very, look, the last eight years have been pretty lame. I mean, really, nothing happened.

I mean, what? What happened? We had 9-11, the fucking whole world was nuts for eight years. Cop paintings every year. Right? Crazy. Now Obama, really nothing happened. I mean, a lot of stuff towards the end. And now it's getting fucking crazy again. So it's an exciting time to meet America. I wonder what's gonna happen. Trump is, this is gonna be interesting. What the fuck happens? I just wish people would stop screaming at each other. Yeah.

Cause I fall into it too. It's like, as soon as you say something, someone wants to raise their voice and be passive aggressive and say some shit to hurt your feelings so you go fuck you and then it's just fuck you. A lot of its social media is like not, this isn't facilitating conversation.

No. Like this isn't working. Facebook's not a place to have a political discussion. I don't go on grind or to get an insurance quote. What are you going there for? What? I'm going to find that I'm going to have the restaurant recommendations. You just gave me a great idea for a new business.

Grind your insurance. Yeah. Did you ever get herpes? What's up, you guys? They're gonna bust, not with Grind your insurance. Did you ever get herpes? Why suck it guys? They're gonna bust not with Grind your insurance. We got you covered. What did you get that? What are you drinking?

Oh, it was in the fridge. How can I? I thought it was a lily. I took it. I took it. No, but they have people on Facebook. They want to make a political point. But they'll talk to you like you're their worst enemy.

Yes, it's going out to all their friends. They like, if you don't think this, you're an idiot. Yeah. And I'm like, we're all your friends. Why are you talking to a guy? I wouldn't have a real conversation with a person like that. I don't get that. That's what I mean, you can literally, I am willing to hear you

and learn. And if you make sense, I will, I can change my point of view. I am okay with, I am not just, this is the way it is, fuck you. Whenever someone yelling at me, calling me names, I wanna go go fuck yourself. Whenever someone writes, if you don't agree with this, unfollow me,

I don't even read what they say. I just unfollow them. I never go on anyone else's page on Facebook except my own page. That's pretty much what I do. I just don't follow them. Right. I never go on anyone else's page on Facebook set my own page. That's pretty much what I do. I just promote. I just write shit. But then you find out your best friend had a baby

and you're like, oh shit. I don't give a shit. I actually care. I follow a lot of people on both sides. I like to see what they're doing because I don't know like a lot about this. I really don't. I'm trying to do is I think I think I think it's interesting. If you ignore all of it for like a week okay just do this for a week. Take a bus your head well know your head your head starts to reset right and then you the way you perceive information starts to change and you read an actual article.

And then you think about it. And then you form your own thoughts without being fucking inundated with like, the girl you knew because she was friends of your cousin who's now on Facebook, who loves Nazis. And you're like, so just, I think that if you get the noise out of your head, you can fucking come to some conclusions on your own.

I'm really, I mean, I agree with you. I think that you get away from for a little bit is good, but when I pick people to follow, I pick right and left and down the middle, and then I pick a bunch of people that do silly shit with their kids, which makes me laugh. I like Facebook, it makes me. You don't follow me on Facebook,

you follow me on Instagram, not on Facebook. Oh really, it's interesting to follow you. I like to follow you. I get thousands of likes very incredibly very funny Well, I don't want to follow you now, but you don't need me. Yeah, but you're good. I don't I don't Do you like rice? No, I do I do like I like food the certain food things that I follow on Facebook I think Facebook is the best out of all them and people like it and I'll tell you why what do you like Twitter? I mean, I don't like to go on Facebook and then suddenly I have I'm forced to read You're not you're not though you can unlike stuff and you can skip it You don't really have you not forced to do anything the reason why I like Facebook Instagram is photos and these little videos

And it's fun and it's visually yeah visually like oh, but it it's also bombs me out because it's usually somebody at a bigger theater than me And it's sold out and you know they've been doing it less than me and they're like you know just turning and there's a mass Hey, what's up? I was okay. I need to see that you know a fucking nine comics out of festival now because I don't follow it I don't I don't put it on my feed. Okay, my and Twitter is just annoyance. It's just fucking horseshit. It's so dead. I'm glad they're firing people. Fuck you for being so elite and not adding an edit button. So when I fucking put the wrong a urine, I have to delete the whole thing. It's already out there. You cunts. Okay. So fuck them. They're done. Facebook. I follow a bunch of people and

There's a lot of stuff you can read like people will go on Facebook and just lay out their heart In a like not a blog, but just a a post and you're like I've read shit where I'm like that's fucking crazy amazing. I can't believe they just wrote that. And it affects me. And actually, I add shit to my life from that. I see people do shit and I'm like, you're a fucking moron. There's a lot of videos up there of the right and the left doing fucked up shit.

I just saw a whole thing about the progression of Hitler and it was so interesting to see the, and when someone said he's like Hitler, it's like, okay, when you see the progression of Hitler and it was so interesting to see the and when someone said he's like Hitler, it's like, okay, when you see the progression of Hitler and what he actually did, it's very similar. Of course, it's not the same and he's not a, he doesn't want to kill people and murder people because they don't like him. I mean, he might block them or tell them their assholes or their losers. He's not going gonna gas people, but there is, it is a weird similarity how he became powerful. She like that amazes me because I don't know it. I don't

fucking know that shit. Tim's a very smart educated guy. There's people that are very smart and educated. So is Joe. Yeah, what was that? I didn't say that. I didn't say that. Hello. That was Joe. Cavan, you're not. I'm fluent in Spanish. Does that count for something? Because you're probably Spanish. Yeah, it's the It's it's Lispy we don't think it's part of our I don't you you think you're smart no, but I you know I was good at math God that's a count for something. What does math do for you? I'm smart and different things. You got to watch the DL Uglie Club.

Would it ever watch that? What is it? What do you tell Steve Harvey to go fucking stop? I do want to see that. You got it? I do want to see that. It's very funny. It's very funny.

It's me that to convince black people that Donald Trump cares about them, he takes pictures with celebrities. It's amazing to me. If Donald Trump cared about black people, he wouldn't have denigrated the president with those claims of birth arisen. He wouldn't have stoked fears and racist fears of saying this man is less than or is not one of us

to become president. If Donald Trump cared about the concerns of black people, he wouldn't have in the debates talked about bringing back stop and frisk. If Donald Trump cared about black people, he wouldn't have in the debate talked about bringing back stop and frisk. If Donald Trump cared about black people, Jeff Sessions would most certainly not be his pick to head the Justice Department. Donald Trump takes pictures with black people. Having a comedian and a rapper and a football player out to talk

about the concerns of the community, you know why you have a comedian and a rapper and a football player out to talk about the concerns of the community? Because that's the position you're used to seeing us in. a rapper, and a football player out to talk about the commercial community because that's the position you used to seeing us in. You would rather see a football player, a rapper, and a comedian. You'd rather have black people with football players, comedians, and rappers than the president. You'd rather see us run the ball and run the country. That's why you do it. I ain't gonna never forget what you said about this man and how you got what you are.

Some people might, but I never will. I'll never forget how you denigrated his. I'll never get forget how you stoke fears Fuck you now and fuck you forever Maybe it's a fuck you to Steve Harvey. Maybe that's not the clip. I thought I saw him say fuck you to Steve But look man, it's like all right First of all deal who you usually has the best teeth and mouth and the business. And glasses.

I mean, he's just a geek. And towel. He has very, he's better looking with age. God damn what a good looking man he is. He, but he's fucking angry again. It's like, dude, you're coming from, I get it, but chill the fuck out. It's also like he's a comedian talking about.

Yeah, why are you saying, man? We're saying we shouldn't listen to you. That's what you're saying. Right, that's the other point with that. It's like why the fuck are we, if you're saying fuck comedians, actors, and we know nothing. It's also like you're down to the fuck of my list.

You get a good Obama, it's like dude, it's politics. It's what they do. People that denigrate Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, they denigrate the Bush and B. Everybody denigrates everybody. Everybody keeps changing. Until they out denigrate somebody that you don't like, and I'll never forget it.

Move on, it's show business. It's Hollywood at its highest form. I spoke, when I spoke at the Congress and the Senate, when I was a juvenile delinquent, they flew me into, what was it about to say, when did this happen? They, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they flew me in to speak when I was 18,

because I was a six, six, six, six, six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six Robert Robert Kennedy's daughter and it was it's fucking at the cannon building it was massive it was 200 congressmen and senators and and it was crazy I was gonna have to get a suit I was fucking had a speak I had to go up in front of the the Congress and the Senate and talk about well I did kill and I it was I was on C-SPAN it was fucking nuts. But the thing I took away from it, number one, the girl that spoke with me was this Japanese Irish girl. God, so cute. Right. So we hooked up in the hotel later and, is this true? Oh, yeah, we hooked up. She was a little younger than me too. And we hooked up in the hotel and I remember eating her pussy and she didn't shave. She had like a bush and it just turned beyond even more.

Anyways, Japanese Irish, we were gonna mix. But anyways. We're at the table. Try to remember how this started. So try to remember where this gets back to. You were speaking in front of Congress. Yeah, Congress in a second. Then it was Janorino.

Lou is sitting right next to Janorino and I remember everybody coming over to her, every single person coming over to say hi to her. And she was just, hello, hello, hello. And it was all just, it was such a weird, I was like, this is show business. Yeah. She is, Merrill Streep, or whoever the fuck she is.

She's a director or a producer. These guys are all faking it. And I remember talking to some of these people, and they were just like regular fucking assholes. You know, they swore or they fucking, they're just like us, but they know how to pretend to be this person to get the votes to be in that seat.

That's it. It's all a fucking sham. Yeah. The whole thing. Sure. The whole government. That's where that's where good comedy comes from. Looking at everyone to go, let's make fun of everybody. Yes. Not like let's make fun of because comedy doesn't matter. Nobody hears a stand up routine and goes, oh, I'm not going to vote for this guy. Nobody gives a shit. That's a problem. Nobody really gives a shit. We're going to settle down, man. People are getting fucking angry.

And it's just becoming not fun. I know you it shouldn't be fun. Go fuck yourself. I have 30 summers left. That's being very optimistic. Medical technology. First of all, I just talked about Popeye's chicken. Really? I have 15 good summers left right? And I have 15 sitting in a chair hooked up to something.

What the fuck? I mean, I know you won't. You won't even come to my barbecue when I invite you. Yeah, the day before. Well, you want a fucking month? Yeah, I do. Really, really want to call your agent. Yeah Fucking agent who's your agent? Gersh you want to call them I'm with Gersh you are

TV film TV film oh really? Yeah, this is not interesting to anyone. Um, it is to Gersh Who you with WMA Who are you with? W and me. We don't do comedy. We do other things. What do you do? You are your comedians very interesting. They have me in the, I don't know what happens,

but they always give me a coffee and a yogurt from the refrigerator. And they say things like we want to move you into this space. Like they go, somebody sits down, they go, I'm in the digital somebody sits down They go I'm in the digital space and somebody goes I'm in the lit space and somebody's like I'm in the crawl space or whatever And then and then they all say things about like they're like We really think you know, we're gonna try to create value and I go okay, and then They give me a cigarette. It's great. And then they send me on my way. How'd you get herpes? You're so smart So are who you with Mac. I'm with innovative artists

Let the agents pick the name of the agencies They're like, okay, we're gonna be really innovative for our artists Then gersh was like just name it me. And then you're William Morris. I think it's like a weird hybrid of all kinds of weird things. I'm gonna see a creative. That's good. They're gangsters. We're creative.

There you go. That's the name. All right, let's wrap this up. This has been a great show. You guys are fucking, it's very interesting, but we can talk about this, if forever. I'm gonna go around the room, Oscar. Of course, you got your podcast. You didn't say much on the show, but you told them not to. You told me not to. I'm sorry. I was getting it. You didn't try it. Yeah, you understand. This isn't red eye. I'm a comic because I was joking. You didn't talk. Do you say quite anyway? What do you

have to say? Does anyone know this comedian, Dan Nainan, that's performing for Trump? I actually mentioned him in the... No, what is that? Oh, that was the guy that was like a face. Who would he look like? Does he know what the guy was in the face? He's like somebody in the face. He's like somebody.

He was jealous. And Esther Koo tweeted that he bought her name, or URL, and tried to sell it to her for a thousand bucks. So what's wrong with that? I don't know. It's called... I have never, I'll just ignore it. I have never heard anything good about this person, but I've never met him.

I want to show a picture first. I do want to see the picture. And then I'll show you a list of emails he sends to people that he hates. So this is the guy. 100% clean, comedian, Dan Nainan. And what is the problem with this guy? Everyone hates him.

He's a dick to a lot of people. So he's a douche, I think. So when he does it, he sends emails to people that have rejected him over the course of his career allegedly. And so he'll send copies of like, so let's say he got an email about a gig in Dubai for a five grand.

He'll email everyone on this list about his gig in Dubai for five grand and be like, you city comics, you just do drugs, you do this. I don't want to give this guy a time of day. This guy bugs me already. Yeah, so he just, he means nothing to me. We had a great show, we talked about fucking Trump and assassinations and tried chicken and rice and,

and you're a lady and the, I'm starving and this shows that I'm really hungry. I'm testimony to comics. Yeah, this guy, I'll tell you why, this is crazy people shit, I don't like to, I don't like to I'm very hungry. I'm just, I'll tell you why. It's just, this is crazy people shit. I don't like to, I don't like to deal with crazy people. I don't care. Look, I have problems.

I'm a bipolar fucking lunatic. I am the nicest guy in the world. I'll snap on you. I'll fucking wanna bite your ear the next second. But I know that I'm crazy and I'll apologize when I'm wrong and I always wanna evolve and I always wanna learn and I wanna become the best person I can be every day. I think I'm better a little bit every day than I was fucking, you know, a year ago, five

years ago blah, blah, blah, blah, but mentally ill fucking people. I don't want to deal with you because go get help because those, that's some sick shit. When you do sick shit that, come on, fuck off. Write as right, wrong as wrong. There's no gray area. You know it. So that weird shit where you're emailing people, go ahead, you can do it. I don't care. Well, he's doing Trump's inaugural

ball this weekend. Well, that makes sense because fucking who else was going to do it. Nobody everybody fucking backed out because if you are in this business and you associate yourself with Trump, you're going to be attacked by everybody on the left that's in this and they're powerful people. I mean, people are making songs about all the biggest, some of my favorite actors, what are we gonna be all right, whatever the fucking song was,

what was that song they did? They made a song. I don't know. They all the actors got you for help and he's fucking blood sugars down I'm gonna get so on you all wait would say that like we're gonna be like really yeah we know you are she ever shirt that says that that should be your merch so I'm gonna move the song it? Holy shit, you got a vote? No, no, no, they're already voted. Celebrities make a song.

Yeah, it was a song. Anyways, I don't give a fuck about this guy. Whatever. Anyways, Oscar, what do you got? Just a... Besides diabetes. That's it. So what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna add an OG-4. I got it. I don't know if the scarf, I think I should get it. I literally should be fucking slapped by Oscar. That was just mean and hurtful and not funny as you look at his little sausage fingers get nervous Nothing better than a chubby guy's hand. It's just want to bite it. Don't you look at it? Look at it. Hold it up hold that chorizo hands hold that fucking look at that. I want to fucking My little sausage fingers. Does that make you more hungry? I'm starving I'm like a mega little sausage figures. Does that make you more hungry?

I'm starving. I'm starving. What do you got? Twitter and Instagram at OG Reporter and Gakes DeYark is every Monday where you're at least a new episode. Awesome, what do you get, babe? I go to CarmanLinxt.com.

That's a great bum. Thank. Oh, you have one of the best questions. Oh my God. You really do have a great but. All right, cool. Well, if you want to see my butt, there is a video online.

Is there? No, I play, I did an Amy show on Amy's show, sketch where I have a huge ass. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but anyway. Oh, yeah, I saw that. But all my dates are on my website, carbonlynch.com, that's it.

And I have a CD coming out. What's it called? Dance like you don't need the money. Why that? Because it's part of a joke. Okay, I know, I have tone issues. Okay, I'm trying to explain this to my wife. I say things in the wrong tone.

I meant that, I meant it like this. Why, how'd you name it that? Oh, okay. But I'm from Boston. And I'm that guy, why'd you name it that? You understand? My face is cutty and I'm like, that's just, it's tone issues. Okay. I'm not saying it like'm that guy. What's it? Why did you name it that? You understand? My face is country and I'm like, that's just, it's tone issues.

I'm not saying it like that. So I apologize. So in the future, just shut the fuck up and answer the question. You know what? I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Oh, that felt good. Oh, everybody. Yeah. Let me see. Who is this? John Barton.

What is it? Hang on one second, everybody. Yeah. I'm gonna see. Who is this? John Barton. What is it? Hang on one second, everybody. Hello. You're on the YKWD podcast right now. Oh, cool. I love this podcast. The great Sam Roberts, everybody, from the Jim and Sam show or the Sam and Jim show.

What, what it was called? It's called Jim Norton and Sam Roberts. Oh, we have to say the last name. Yeah. Yeah. We've always said the last name. Is that in the contract? That is.

Yeah. How's the how's the morning show going that you that you started in a few months ago? How's it going? It's awesome. We're having a blast. It's been really fun. Of course, it's awesome.

You were you were doing nine o'clock on a Friday. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It on a Friday. Yeah, yeah, you had the 12 to three shift for two years. Now you're doing the morning drive. Yeah, my, my, my, it's preferential. Oh good word. What's up, buddy? How you doing? How are you doing? I'm doing good. We're just wrapping up the YKWD show. Tim Dillon's a 13 year old girl that can't not look at his phone for four more minutes. So he just checked his. His fucking Twitter and his Facebook. I'm doing business. You're not big. You have no, you have half a business.

I'm doing business. A Greyhound bus confirmation ticket came through. Have you had Tim Dillon on your show yet? No, but I think it did. Right red eye with him like a couple of times. How about Joe Mackie? Uh, I've had, I think I don't know if we've had Joe Mackie on the morning show yet. I've had Joe Mackie on other incarnations of my show a bunch of times. So you should definitely have those two guys on. Oh my god.

I'm so sexy. I'm kidding. I didn't. Oh, actually, you fucking asshole. It's such an asshole. Oh my god. I'm kidding. I did it. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I did it. I'm kidding. I did it. I'm kidding. I did it. I'm kidding. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I there, fucking the next batch. I mean, Carmen's been around for a while. She's so... Oh! No, very, very, very funny people. She says, this is the whole thing's awkward because I didn't know you were recording a podcast

and I was calling to see if you could come on tomorrow. Tomorrow? No. What's everybody up? What time tomorrow? What time tomorrow? What time tomorrow? What time tomorrow?

What time tomorrow? I might be, you know, I have a doctor's appointment in the afternoon. I might be able to make it. Can you can I call you back after the show? Yes, you can. Who's on tomorrow? I just be us and then Jim is leaving tomorrow at 10. So then it becomes the Bob and Sam show. That's I'm saying. It's the Bob and Sam show again. Then you would need a guess. I mean, I will probably go bob and sam show that's i'm saying it's the bob and sam show again and you would need a guess what i mean and we will probably go salmon bob at that well i mean bob and sam is what it would be what people like

it's alibi to know i don't know how to know how to know how to go to jomaki has a good point he's highly intelligent alright i think that that that that probably something we could discuss in the future but i think we probably could sam is a is a standard bearer yes i don't know what bearer means, but listen, Bob, I mean, it comes before S. Bob and Sam says, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, the BS show. We, if Bob and Sam show would just BS in all day, you know, what if we were the

SB show, all the skateboard generation would be like, Oh man, those guys are cool. SB, SB sounds like something you get on your lip from a bus All right listen good. I will call you when I'm done. All right baby doll. Thank you. All right. I'll talk to you later Sam Okay, bye bye the great Sam Roberts who stole Opie's show. Ha ha ha. Literally. Just fucking stole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just right under his fucking nose, while there's on vacation, snuck right in there

and sat in that chair and never let go. Anyways, all right, so, Karmie, you got that. Congratulations on your new CD. Thank you. What's it called again? Never be calmer. What is it? Dance like you Tony, the money. Carmen, you got that. Congratulations on your new CD. Thank you. And what's it called again? Never be calmer. What is it? Dance like you don't need money.

Dance like you need money. Like you don't, and like you don't need the money. And sketch fest in San Francisco next week. What is that? It's an imprint. It's a festival. Do you have to do sketch? No, just stand up.

Really? I don't get it. I don't know. I guess they have a lot of sketch. It's massive and they have stuff going on. My wanna, can somebody please get me, why can I get in these festivals? Well, don't you have an agent?

Yeah, but he only, apparently only books fucking east of the Mississippi. I can't get west of the Mississippi with this. He has a region, I think he's like a vacuum fucking cleaner fucking salesman. I only has a region. I think he, he's like a vacuum fucking cleaner fucking salesman. I only work Northeast region. I got to say you want to talk to Sal, he's down, he's down in the South and then Michael's over in the Dakotas.

Fuck. Get me out of the country, I should have been to fucking Europe already. Anyway, back to me. I'll be, the typical community. I'll be a typical community. I'll be an ACME. I'm going next to him.

Very excited. I love that place. I've never been. I'm very excited. OK. All right. Thanks, baby. Thanks for coming on.

I love you. What do you got there, D? TimDillonComedy.com for shows I'm doing. I'm going to LA in February. I'm doing some cool stuff. The comedy store in improvs, I checked that out. That's great. I have a podcast called Tim Dillon is going to hell.

It is very funny, go to high-end studios. People like that, it's been getting some good responses. And Twitter and Instagram, timjdilloncomedy.com, that's pretty much it. One of my favorites buddy, thanks for coming on. Thank you. Can we talk about my Twitter, because I forgot that. At Lynch's Carmen, okay, Mackie.

Oh, thanks Carmen, it's your show now. That's it. Oh, thanks. Thanks, Carmen. It's your show now. Oh, man, you can catch me here. March 21st at the Comedy Cellar Village Underground, doing my hour. Check it out. It's going to come out easily.

Are you really doing your hour? Yeah. That's great. My website is joemackey.com, M-E-C-H-I, and my Twitter, judging by the number of people who are listening to the show that have already assumed I'm transsexual My Twitter it's at Joe Mackey MECHI

You do have a very odd cheeks I can see the comments coming on the live channel. Why would you let them see them? You're out of turn to yeah, why would you let the poor guy where they met with a trash? They like them little bit. Oh, come on. Joe is the best. Thank you. Is the best. You're amazing. That's the title of the podcast.

I think it's my feelings. I love Joe. He's great. Thank you. What? What? What? Shot. Chuck C's.

Someone says, uh, Mackie has hamster energy. That's great. That's good. Because I run on the circle. I feel like Carmen and Mackie are a lesbian couple. That's nice. That's not bad. That's not bad. I'm not saying she's not funny. Just Joe Mackie's name is more known as least for me. Okay. Whatever that means. Yeah. Don't we stop making it. Sorry. I'm not famous.

Yeah. Joe Mackie has school shooter face. Yeah. Well, maybe it's because I look young. I'm not a type of fighter. Listen, and you got a podcast coming out soon too. Yes. So, we're not going to announce it now, but we have big news that you're a part of

and I'm very excited about. Yes, but we're not going to announce it now. We're both going to do a little tease. Ties, you and a couple other guys are working on something and we're very, we have a, we have a, we have a few big announcements here at Ryakass coming out and we're very excited. Actually, we had three, but now we have four and the fourth one is a doozy. So I'm very excited about the new things.

The studio is getting remade. We're having a lot of stuff added. We get big huge TVs coming in and cameras and new computer and we have four new shows popping on this network. I just want to say that Howard Stern is coming to guest digital. I don't want to throw that out.

So that's not a big deal, but whatever. He's gonna. What do you got, baby? Just out, Lauren Cubera. And if you have any fan art of me, send it to ykwd at riotcast.com. If it's for, we do fan art Friday on my Instagram now. If you, someone just sent me a really funny one

from last week's podcast, but the artwork didn't come through all the way, so reset that shit. If you have anything, ykwd at ridecast.com for me, anything for the show, send it to Lauren. If you want to come to the show. YK, email me at ykwd producer at ridecast.com. That's right, you want to come in, sit on the show. Next we can do in a nine o'clock show, I believe, right?

So that's usually when fans come in. So please, come down, be a guest, have a drink, chill out, have some laughs. What else we got? People can follow me at R2D Poe everywhere, and I do podcasts with Oscar, Gakes in New York. And very funny, very funny and interesting podcasts. I love it.

All the geeky stuff you could think of. I love it. I want to be a guest on it someday. We'd love to have you. Cool. Thank you, you fucking goddamn right. You'd be the biggest thing of all time, folks. But so what do I got?

Yes, we have your dates. January 21st, you'll be at the original Playhouse and the original Connecticut. Yeah, almost sold out. There's like literally 10 tickets left. No joke. I'm not just saying that. It's a me, Voss, and Peacorelli at the Ridgefield Playhouse.

And it's pretty much sold out. So a couple tickets left if you want to try to get them. It's going to be a great show. OK. I'm closing it. I to be a great show. Okay. It's just, I don't know. I'm closing it. I'm fucking nervous. I hate it.

Oh, Pete Corielli. He's a tough follow. He is a tough one, man, because he's not only is he crystal clean. It's almost like he's dirty, but he's not, because he's so New York and so Pete. It's, and he talks about, he's just so fucking good. Corielli is just fucking a great comedian. Right now he's writing on the show, on the Kevin Kent Weight,

and he's one of the main writers on there, and he's doing great, but after this, when he gets his own show, he's gonna fucking blow up, man. Good looking guy, funny as fuck, just a great guy, and then of course, Vos, and then me. So. January 27th, 20th and 29th, you'll be at of course, Vos and then me. So. January 27th, 20th and 29th, you'll be at

my curties in Sarasota, Florida. Yep, and I'm staying down there for a couple of days, gonna see my pal, my Calta, and then I'm going to off the hook. That's right. February 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, you'll be at off the hook comedy club in Naples, Florida. That's right.

And then I'm going to be in a Rubo. I don't have that listed here. Well, I have the date between the 11th. Yeah, what's up? You'll be performing at the Cabot performing arts. Oh, yeah. In Beverly, Massachusetts. That's right.

If you're a Boston fan, get your tickets now. Get you in around 10 other people, buy tickets, come down. It's going to be a blast. Beverly, Massachusetts, my hometown. Maybe we'll get some fucking clams and some chowda, or maybe a fucking roast beef sandwich where you can't get in New York City, can't get a fucking good roast beef sandwich

in fucking New York City. Well, cats is as close as. Huh, right? I'm talking about roast beef sandwich. Boston doesn't roast. That's a classic. Carnegie Dalley Cliffs. Oh, Carnegie Dalley, right, right.

Roast beef sandwiches, it's a different thing. It's on this run, it's round, it's on, it's just the best thing in the world. If you ever go to Boston with me? I want to take you to Boston. Yeah. New York City's got much better food than Boston, but Bobby's insane. So you know, you're out of your fucking mind.

You're out of your mind. Team New York. I will fucking go toe to toe with you. I went to that place. You told me to. No, but I didn't, I told you up front. It wasn't. I didn't tell you it was the best place.

So, Aikari was great. I said it was the best place. The Aikari was great. I said it was, it was the great. Aikari was great. Great and the portions of big. I want it and it had historical meaning. So you know, and I went and I enjoyed it. That's why you went there. At the bakery was great.

The bakery was fucking off the chain. I had a chocolate bomb on a bus. So go fuck yourself. I'll go toe to toe with New York. All right. All right. What else? Anything else?

On the, on the 18th, you will be at the Cherokee Casino toe to toe with New York. All right. All right. What else? Anything else? On the 18th, you will be at the Cherokee Casino, Kuala Ballroom in West Salon Springs, Oklahoma. Go Robert. Sorry for laughing at that. Joe, listen, I were just there. That's a fun gig. It's a great gig. I can't wait.

RobacaleLive.com for tickets and make sure you become a freebie member of the channel, download the app iTunes and Android and just it's support the show. Don't complain. Just fucking do it. I don't want to hear it. All right. We do all these shows every week. And I want to thank all you people who are supporting the show. I can't believe it. It means the world to me. You come up at the shows. You say you're a premium member. Even when you say just listen to the podcast, I, cause we do this for you guys and we love that you enjoy it. And you spread the word and you, and you get other people into it. So thank you very much. You're the best fans in the world.

We'll see you guys next time on You Know What The, You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan.

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