Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Puked on a D

Episode Date: June 27, 2016

This week on YKWD: We have Liza Treyger, Michael Che, Paul Virzi, Kelly Fastuca, Scott Chaplain, and Jason Chatfield! Kelly is back! We talk a little Orlando/2nd Amendment (Turns out someone in the room has a pretty substantial weapon collection). Plus, Bobby is sending his son to piano lessons and MMA camp. Watch/Listen and Enjoy!   RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night. Con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Estás listo a Robert Kelly? ¿Qué es, ¿qué es, dude? En la network riotcast.com.

¡Vacen! A la fiesta flotilla de la plana de bros. ¿Es que es una costa flotilla? ¡No hay cazos, no hay cazos! ¿Qué es la maca, Sol? To the funniest podcast of the planet Earth To the mic asshole, I'm sure I've already sent you the Recrap, can I get a microphone? Oh, what the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic head I have a bunch of guys on, it's just us sitting down

and he happens, sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's and no topics, no directions I love doing it Way both sides of the coin! That's how it all hosts us! You motherfuckers! You want to do anything? My podcast is popular enough, where I might affect somebody's life.

You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on whitecast.com. What is it? What is it? YKWD podcast. Hold on, keep going. Don't worry about that. YKWD podcast dude. See my podcast hasn't he.

Big things. You never know. Stump playing. Two sides. This is what you mother fucker. That's what the host does. You mother fucker. All right cool. Thank you lies it right here. Che sit over here buddy right over here I We have technical difficulties of fucking course. We do

Fucking spend my whole fucking life doing this fucking Setting up the fucking room and the fucking studio And then as soon as you let fucking other people up here. Hey, can I you yeah come on up in you just make sure you fucking don't touch it And then my show gets fucked and I gotta have fucking no Paul do something or you're just In the firing line Because I can yell and look at Paul and I know that he knows me He understands what he gets it if I look at you You can be like what did I do if I look at Kelly? She know that he knows me. He understands what I'm, he gets it.

If I look at you, you're gonna be like, what did I do? If I look at Kelly, she's gonna go, it's all right, mate. And you're fucking my stupid, I don't know him. I don't know how crazy he is. He's some smoking hot chicken, the couch. Next to some fucking serial killer.

I don't know what, he's huge, he's big, he's head small, I don't know what, and then fucking scoples over there, fucking, I don't know, and then I wanna fucking, you're gonna be yelling me. I don't wanna yell at then fucking scoples over there fucking I don't know and then I want a fucking You know I mean I don't want to yell at you because you're an S and L and you could help me Something Some fucking show I'm not shit with you See this bracelet. Yes, I have let's not get it listen

I know you're fucking a strong woman, but we're gonna go around the room first before you give fucking take us on the tangent on his Jubilee bracelet Fucking take us on the tangent on his Jubilee bracelet Fucking bottom self on the hang on okay, scopo Introduce everybody please from there I do it fast is there's too many people Shut's by it. I do it fast. There's too many people Yeah, I like to try to go back again. I'm all eyes. I it's Lisa and I'm doing a raise We said that already first of all fuck you in your name because we all go through it

I've known you for a year and I still go what does she want to be called I changed I swear to god last week You said liza. I think you're fucking with me. I would never Lisa Lisa. I love you to death Oh great. I just actually, she came down. This is a horrific. I'm so sorry this happened to you. She comes down and I'm so excited to see her. She comes over. She gives me her hand and I kiss her hand.

She was, what do you, I hold, I'm holding your hand. And she was, what are you doing? And I go and I kiss it. And a piece of fucking meat is on her hand when it my mouth. What? What were you eating? It was either an empanada or my scab. it and a piece of fucking meat on our hand when in my mouth. What? What were you eating?

It was either an empanada or my scab. Oh, fuck. Oh my god. I'm hoping it was the empanada. And the scab is from Greerburn's thumbnail going into my fingers. Right, now it's not a good scab. That's great, now I'm fucking Greer AIDS. Get my wife pregnant again, nine times.

Who else do we got? We have Michael Che. I just consider him Michael Che. I don't consider, I don't put that in front of you because you're a friend of mine. You've been on the show back in the day. And I did get invited to your barbecue recently. And you did get invited.

I feel like I'm officially going to the room. Did you go? No, and you got invited to when you didn't go. I don't know, I thought it was, I didn't realize it was an official invited. I feel like I'm officially going to. Did you go? No, and you got invited, so you didn't go. I don't know. I thought it was, I didn't realize it was an official invite. I still. But when I said come, yeah. Why don't I understand what the fuck?

There's people that show up that I didn't invite. I don't know what they get. I wish I had lack of self-awareness like they do. Yeah, well, all right. Well, thank you for coming. Michael, good to see you. You do have a beautiful bracelet on. I would like to shit on you for it

But I actually like it. Thank you. Yeah, I don't like it. Yeah, I know it's it's cool. Who else do we got? One of my favorite motherfuckers on the planet Paul Versey from the Versey effect He's one of the fun. Did he come to your barbecue? He was he was on a road He's one of the Did he come to your barbecue? He was on the road He's been invited to a couple we had some blowouts and he just you know, he didn't come I'm usually on the road Successful His body's full he started this thing yelling at everybody and everybody's backing up like a kitten Don't fucking throw me in the bus, you got it?

Cause Jay told you to go fuck yourself. Feel with that. Feel with that. I'm dealing with sound issues. I don't need, and the things not even recording. I know, I'm like, I'm in the fucking, I'll break this. I just want this new, is Ryan Kesson.

Don't fucking touch it. Don't fucking touch it. Cause if it's not you, it's one of these motherfuckers. It's a fucking brand new computer Paul The computer keeps feel I'm gonna get a brand new and set it up. It's good to go did my show did her show this show everybody does a fucking show Except the fucking show the show of shows That's my face right there Paul Welcome Paul thank you for having me buddy. I love being here. It's always who did then it's beautiful. It is

What's it? It's right there in the behind you Yeah, his name it's a Rattle something Harry no rattlesnake. What is it? Rattle can Rattle can Rattle can hear us to read it right I don't I wouldn't I don't want to respect it respect the guy don't want to find this guy rattle can here he's un-fucking Jonathan is named he runs the uh... it's in denver he runs a comedy club in denver he brought me out to do comedy he gave me these beautiful pieces from max he does that spray paint us your spray paint on the board that back from denver

no he actually said what's what he i said do do something for my studio he fucking did this and sent it to me that Yeah, that's crazy. I don't even how much he's unbelievable. He's actually doing a big thing with us at Comic Con this year. He's gonna be there. I'm gonna do a big thing with laugh button and that's awesome. Yeah, it's gonna be great. It's beautiful. But you know fucking I can't record a show. Well, it goes to the Pistach. Maybe I'll go sell that by the fucking basketball courts. With the Hendrix fucking in the dropland fucking art.

Cock, saga. What is that you laugh for? You fucking plan on killing me. That was a good reference. That was very inside baseball, though. Inside basketball. And of course, who's next? Kelly for Steugett.

Whoa. Oh, boy. Hey. Thanks for having me, guys. It's good to bet. Whoa. Oh, boy. Hey, thanks for having me, guys. It's good to be back. An emphasize on the fall. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh wearing a big girdle thing right now. Like I'm almost done with it. You have specs? Yeah.

OK, my stomach in. But I also have gifts for all the studio. But after you introduce it, I'll bring them out. Do you give me a favorite? Can you never show me your specs? That actually made me throw up worse than the piece of meat or scab on Liza. Liza.

Liza. Wow. I got nothing to hide. It's fine. Oh, you fucking. Oh, my god. Oh you fucking Oh my god, did you even get fat? I just said that you got fat look the same More hurtful and call me fat just saying that I'm just still fat

What a fucking toilet Campus you guys a beer yeah, yeah, yeah, we're He's got it. He's got it for you. Who's next, Scopo? And we got Scott Shabbin' first time. Yeah. Scott Shabbin'. Scott Shabbin' One of my favorites.

Scott Shabbin' What are you from? I mean, the first time on the show. Yeah, yeah, from Jersey. Yeah. Well, that's cool. We'll plot a Jersey. North Jersey.

Oh, up near Levitie? No, that's upstate New York. But yeah, I guess I mean Like up near there right 30 minute right from levity. All right, man. Well, welcome to the show, dude. Thank you Yeah, I heard good things about you. Chris told me I had to have you on and so far. Yeah, you know, you haven't lived up to it But I'm sure that do you've been freaking out for Trying to get the show going I got nervous I'm trying to get the show going. I got nervous. I really do fucking snap. Now you kept it so calm.

I was like, for how angry you were, I would be more angry. That things wouldn't be worth it. That's because you remember me from the old days. I was like, fuck man, you were, no, no, no, but you were like, I'm not. I haven't, I haven't, I have not gotten any better. I would be mad. The only person I've gotten. I haven't met two. Oh, thank you, Sally. But she'd be fucking working. No offense to anyone. I would be mad. The only person. I'm a man too. Oh, thank you. She be fucking working

No offense to anyone. Thank you. Thank you fucking that's what I miss. I don't know what I miss a team player That's what I miss you want back in though you know Everyone's gonna hate me now cuz I like you second up to blah Second we're on the side path. Yeah, we're as faulty as you think it is. Hey, I'm not into blind, but I'm just like, it should be working. Why can't I get a little sucky? Why can't I get a little suck up?

Why can't I get a fucking these mean mug and cup? They're mad at me. They're supposed to be on my side. They're mad at me. I'm not, I'm fucking not. I mean, you're definitely not coming back on the show because Lauren's smoking hot is way better than you and Chris He's like my son and deep was a fucking mad scientist

So you need to find another podcast to come back on or do whatever you do but Well welcome to the show who else we got Definitely that's what I want to fucking Australian accents on one show. I don't want to fucking I hate it. I hate the accent What's that Australian guys on the show there's two well then there's another one where Yeah, once a year I have that guy on yeah, I never have I never have more than two. I never have more than one It's already counts as every Australian I know though. It's I have that guy on. I never have more than two. I never have more than one. It's pretty counts as two.

That's every Australian I know though. It's the worst accent on the fucking pro. It's pretty bad. It does like a British person with Down syndrome kind of. That's my own guy. That's what I say. I'm like, I was retarded. It's like if England had an Alabama.

That's what I was talking about. That was a funny joke. It wouldn't have't better if you could have fucking done it. Yeah, I'm sure like I can't do it I wish Dan Soda was here Australia is like Britain's embarrassing lower back tattoo. That's what we are Are you guys a four-skinned country or not? Yes Big four-skinned. Yeah, never so a dick without the foreskin, you know, the foreskin stuff until I moved here. And I was like, what is this? What you never saw a dick?

What, you never saw a dick? Dicks always had foreskin. And then I had to get used to a whole new dick. Like, I didn't know what was going on. You did. But you prefer it now? Yeah, what do you like better? It depends.

It really depends. Some guys have a skin that's just so fucking big that I'm like, I can't be bothered. But then some guys, I think I prefer with skin Lisa with the big fucking yeah What do you like I like no for scam? Not you don't you like a like an American cock I do yeah, and I'll have to The poor skin, but I won't put it in my mouth

Cute tip to bed Fucking baby wiping the dick off No, I wouldn't I would that't, that's what I said. I fucked a four-skin dick, but I won't suck one. You've been sucking's better because it's easy I'll try them to come. Hang on, let me take my dick off. I actually have, never mind.

I have, I just forgot. You were just Scottish, then. Or three or four dicks. I actually puked on it, yeah. I'm sorry, stuff won't suck it, right? I puked Bud Light Strabberita on this. What is it, Wade? Scottish guy. I'm already saying have puked Bud Light Strabberida on this. What is it, Wade? It's got it, guys.

I'm already saying, what's a Bud Light Strabberida? That's a fat person's beer. Do you have anything that tastes like strawberry ice cream? I want dessert and I want to get fucked up and suck it for a non-fluxkin dick. What do you got, baby? What is up on his dick? Was it too big? It was.

So did you try to go? But it was also in the morning like I have like I Yeah, I was in the morning. Why sucking dick and drinking beer so early? Bono room Will you homeless? Why why why are you struggling here sucking dick sorrow? I mean, there is an answer. I was living with my parents and he, but I did. And he was an is the best. Was I there? And he, yeah, I don't know. And he was an America teaching soccer, so he had a host family, so my friend gave me

her apartment in the day while she was at work to fuck this guy. You fucked a host guy. Yeah. So like if I'd be like Kelly's coming here. Yeah. What country first of all? Scotland. Scotland.

You fucked a, you sucked a Scottish dick. Like a Haggis. Uncut. Yeah. Yeah. And then I was kind of nervous about it. I put you in my mouth and then look at him up in a golden page. I'm going to comb.

Suck on that soup dumpling girl. Freedom! It was fucking meat on your hands. What the fuck? I never met a girl who got drunk and had meat on her hands. What the fuck? I never met a girl who got drunk and had meat on her hands. That's the girl for me. I think I'm in love.

Mad me. Mad me, a fucking prime room on a cock. Take a minute to push the skin back. Take a sip of that destroyer over here. And then put it in your mouth and puke on my cock. It can only be one! The gold on the scoots kiss. So you put, what did you puke? No, I didn't so I was nervous,

so all I had was Bud Light Straburita, and it's like a margarita in a can. And so I just chugged it and then... In the morning. Hehehehe. Why? I was just like, I wanted to look... You remember the thing called breakfast? Maybe ducked on us? And then- And the morning. He-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he No, he came in like, is that a Scottish thing? I don't know, I do. It just seems like a...

Yeah, what the fuck? Your size is really small. The firemen are like, you feel like conversants to spenders on, or those tight jeans that get fucking tighter as they get to his ankle? No. Yeah, so... He was a dirt bag, he was dressed like, you know,

sports clothes. Yeah, okay, so the take is dick out. Mm-hmm. And your, your, your buzzinon was it hot in the room? I don't know just the nerves got to you What the why I puked yeah, oh, it was just I just got I just couldn't handle it just too big. Yeah, wow So it went back and then I'm sure my stomach wasn't happy that I had you know Budlet strawberry to for breakfast so you puked on his ball his dick. Yes, and his pubes

No, cuz I got it. I am the floor in his dick. This really blows away the meat on your fucking hand This guy wins Yeah, but then we cleaned it up and you know, you help them clean it. He kept going it What a fucking aunt It's okay. I'm going keep going. Oh, it's got his guys are fucking animal. Oh, yeah Like my sister, but she pukes on my dick games over I never gave up to the But I didn't chunky puke it was just some First of all that's worse. I probably thought he was coming pink

Yeah, but he was probably pumped that is dick Sesame Street I thought he was coming pink I'm going to be straight. I'm just fucking Australian. I thought he was coming pink. He-he-get it? I don't know. I'm-I'm-any Scottish gods.

I've been with-they've been really up for it. Like, this extrav is pretty nuts. Oh, yeah, it's nuts. Yeah. They're crazy. Them and Russians. I'm like, all right. I'm Russian.

All right. Well, that makes sense. Yeah. Who whores do it? Who's fucking hip-body? Who's? Who's the coolest horse you want us to be fucking? Don't make us feel bad when we're fucking. What is this hand thing you're doing?

Yeah, it's all I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just in case you didn't see how big my arms got. That's why. Oh, we did. They're cooling me off. Okay, keep flapping them.

You have a sick Paul on the head with you wrong. Sorry, we got some guests in the studio. As we have guests here, and we have two of them tonight. They don't know each other, but they're sitting very close. Can you introduce the we have a microphone right next to you sir pick up that microphone. Oh, she's gonna Maybe they can get together and we can have a wife a wd baby Mitch Garbo miss Mitch guys that should be your name Wait, what do you do on a nightclub? No, I'm a machine is from Cleveland No shit. Oh, that's great man

Fuck you. You do look a little clown. You mentioned that you look like a cool little cleaver. You're married No, you have a kill somebody Yeah, maybe really Drive recklessly every now and then it's great and how old are you son? 25 25. Well welcome to the show man Thank you much. Love your hair. Thank you. Fucking God, am I jealous of that, verse. Yeah, I know.

I mean, look at that. Look at, he can do anything with it. What the fuck in whatever is that? Yeah. It'll go. Look at what he did. He just stuck his hands through it. It was fucking fingers like a comb.

How you doing, sweetie? What's your name? Marissa. Marissa, you're very beautiful. Thank you. You have a boyfriend I heard though sad news He did fucking yeah be great if we want to fucking around and then your relationship and He's a knucklehead letting you listen to this garbage

What are you from sweetie? I'm from California, but I live in Brooklyn. You live in Brooklyn now. What do you do? You're in nanny. Oh God damn it. God if you showed up in my house I'd be fucking your room every time you left just sniffing panties And not out of the draw right out of the fucking garbage right out of the little hamper I'd be right in the heart My dogs do that actually they sniff your panties. No, they get it from the hamper. And so, like, and I don't realize it, I just pick it up, I throw it back and it's from the laundry mat. Really?

And they're all ripped up. Talking to the mic, sweet. They're gonna think. What are they gonna think? I'm afraid they're gonna think I'm an animal, like it's chewed up. You are an animal. You are an animal, and they're smelling your animal insides. That's what they do with this fucking,

is it boy dogs? Two boy dogs. That's what they're doing. They it boy dogs? Two boy dogs. That's what they're doing. They're fucking out for mailing you. So I do. You do, you get to do to your wife. Smell of panties in front of her. You'll mop.

Yeah. Who said you'll? If I were in the mic, you're fucking Jersey knucklehead. I look knucklehead. Thanks, sweetie. I know you do. Especially when you're fucking blown a stardust guy. I cut red in the knuckles. Thanks, sweetie. I know you do. Especially when you fucking blown a stottish guy.

Hey, you credit ankles. Well, welcome to the show. Thanks for coming up. Hey, Bob. Yeah, Bob. Would you like your gifts? No, not now. Let's do that later.

We got too many people in the room and I got too much stuff to talk about. First of all, I want to say, you know, it's, I know we started off with some beautiful fucking blowjob stories from my, the precious person right here. You're, I love you. I fucking love your honesty. It just comes out. This week was a fucked up week. We're live now. This isn't coming out for a couple weeks, but I just want to say that all the crazy shit

going on right now, You know, it happened. This is my love comic. This is my love. This is actors. We'd all be like, oh my, can you believe he said that? It's fucking tragic. The girl got shot. Terrible. Tragedy. The fucking 50. The rest just gay dudes. The 50. No, no, you said the girl got shot. This is the boy's. Oh, the boy's. dudes. The 50, what? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What? Michael Chey, black dude, look right at me, so. Oh my god. You would have known by now, because of black Twitter and stuff. You're not on Twitter. What the fuck is black Twitter?

It's just another Twitter. It's just Twitter. It's just Twitter. You just can't let us have anything. Yeah. This is black Twitter. What do you want? You got it all.

I got it all. What do you want? I don't have Twitter black people have it all we have nothing left There's nothing left. We don't have our women. We don't have the hot ones. You guys have all the hot ones We have though we get fucking the Vistukas. Hey, hey doing good to be here. Hey Now the black guys get the gross ones too. Yeah, but that's my choice because it's sick of fucking the gross ones too. But that's by choice, because they're sick of fucking the hot ones. I was not able to. Can we get back to the killings? Is there such thing as black Twitter, Michael?

No, okay. There's no such thing as black Twitter. You sure? Well, because one time, I have a press in it. You know what I mean? Because white people don't follow black people. So they call it black Twitter because they don't know anything about black people.

I follow you. I'm not on Twitter. So you follow somebody else probably the white guy. You know Michael Che 17245? I don't know. You sure of an egg? Maybe it all 80% out of that. Look at you big time with that gold card just on the desk

The gold cut out on the platinum right there Fucking leave that platinum by the way your name here Look you know here we are in another spiral into this fucking gun control thing America and it's like Fuck man and then nothing ever is gonna get done. We're not gonna have, I mean, gun, there's no, there's gonna be no gun control, you know. Well, there'll be no gun control because they keep calling it gun control.

Right. Why don't you just start with AK47 control, right? Yeah. Like, if you say gun control, be like, well, what am I gonna protect my family? I don't know, maybe with the 10,000 other smaller guns. Yeah, that doesn't shoot up a club in 10 seconds. Well, the greatest gun to protect your home, by the way,

is I think it's called the Boss. And it's basically a handgun shotgun. Yeah. It has a little mini shotgun round it. Why that's good is because it shoots out like a shotgun. You don't need to aim it. Yeah. So if you come at me, I sprays,

and it has two shots, and it fucking takes you down. But you know, you don't, I mean, to go and get a fucking AK out of a closet, clip it, take it off safety, and fucking wrap it around your, I mean, that's pretty crazy if someone's entering your house. To go on the drive next, you grab a fucking handgun that has two insane shots,

and just aim it in that direction is I think a little it's all just hot button words. It's like open. You call it Obamacare people like I don't want it why because I don't like Obamacare. So it's like I don't you can't be on board with something as soon as you hear the word. Here's the thing too is you can't they don't I'm on both sides and fuck off. They don't want you can't both sides may have points to me both sides make valid off. They don't want you. You can't. Both sides may have points to me. Both sides make valid points. I get it. What's the point of having an AK-47 argument? Has no valid.

Well, today are 15, right? That's like, or a 15. Whatever. I think it's if the government decides to attack us. Like if the government. Yeah, 15 is stopping the government from attacking. I don't think any of this. I'm just trying to... I'll tell you why. Because some people don't live in urban areas. Some people live in the country. Most people live in the country. Most people hunt.

Most people... And hang on firing a gun is... I don't know if you ever been to a range. Fire guns is a pastime of America. Going in, I fired guns and I rack, I fired guns in Texas. Anytime I can go into a range and try a new gun, and I actually like it, I enjoy it.

It feels good, it feels great. Some people like to drive drunk. That doesn't fucking mean it's right. I have no people that can do it. Yeah, but driving drunk is, driving drunk is, one thing is a hobby That you're doing responsible as an intelligent human being the other thing is being a fuck is being poisoned and not having control over what the Fuck you're doing and literally making your vehicle into a fucking weapon one thing it going making your vehicle into a weapon

That's a post actually having a weapon, but not but not having control Okay, everybody has control that that's my point is I think I think that This guy should have never got a gun These people that do the shooting shouldn't have guns. So should there be where you how do you how do you do that? How do you do that until tests you should you should have to pass Psychological tests it should take way longer to get a gun and guns are like you know in video games when you start out with the Shittiest gun you start out with a fucking shit gun and then as you get better and better and better I'll be sudden you get the gold gun with a fucking scope and a fucking cell phone on it

But I think that's the way I think they should do guns, but I think that's this guy in Orlando I think he was a pretty good shooter Well, I think you're pretty good at shooting. The problem with this guy though, and what Obama said about this guy. And that's what I really, that's what's really crazy. He said the FBI investigated this guy twice. Two times he was investigated for having ties, for having ties to radical groups. Hang on.

And then he's just still out there. Like that's called crazy. His father is a fucking, is taliban supporter uh... sympathizer right now i mean he did his father looks like sada mousain his father is a is sympathizer for the taliban so okay your dad well everybody looks like sada mousain

i think that much that's thing but he i don't know what's what i don't know what magnum p i did to that country and the a-nose i don't know what theum P.I. did to that country in the eighties. I don't know what the fuck happened. That's a good point. They all do look like Jesus. He's got a fucking Detroit Tigers hat in the Hawaiian shirt.

A quarter milk. Fucking ridiculous. And now the guy's wife is saying that she drove him by the club a couple weeks ago. He was scoping it out. Like she's scoping it up. But here's what he was arrested to. He was on the gay apps. So now they're saying that he might have been a closet

homosexual too, that the, you know, so, I mean, let me say it. Dude, if it's, I think it was some American beauty shit. I think he, he didn't know how to be gay. I sure freaked out in one. It's always better. Yeah, I think you're right.

I think you're right. I think you're right, Michael. And you have beautiful eyes. I don't know if it's true. But it's always like the homosexual politician who ends up being most vocal about anti-gay stuff. He ends up being gay. Or the church guy, like the priest who ends up, the pastor who ends up being super anti-gay turns out

as a closet homosexual. Jay, this guy. But can you do me a favor and just talking in an American accent? I don't. I just hear a word. Listen, this guy, if you really want to see, I can't get that. That's it. Yeah, but that's like morning.

Yeah, but this is like, fuck, stuff. We're talking, you were taking callback callers right now on the phone control. I think, I look, this guy, closet homosexual, his religion's fucking telling me he's a piece of shit. He can't help, he can't help but think of sucking dick right I mean seriously it's like pussy you know you really gotta get fucking stomach full of strawberry burrito I hope it's uncut she's taking up that nice

Scottish cocky man fucking Disney land defect at anybody could defect at anybody like without a record could go into Walmart and get a fucking AR 15 is Especially the fact that this guy was FBI investigated two times and had ties to Domestic violent crazy. Yeah domestic violence. He had he had a rap sheet and he could go into fucking Walmart or Dick's boarding goods and get that so you know I I inherited that's crazy 46 or 47 guns wow and no one's ever questioned who's your fucking father boss hog yeah yeah boss stock and yes I inherited 40 of the bandendipates yeah well can tell me on my shirt boss well you're close to

I was a cop you can't yeah but no one no one's ever questioned I mean I could do whatever you know what I mean I have ammunition I think who's your dad so that's just alone That first one Who farted Over here It was a name right here. I actually can't smell anything And it's you know, no, I didn't fucking trust me. I'm not I'm not smelly. I'm loud Well, but why did you get out of all these guns? Oh, he was a cop and he just would collect them and he started a swatting

So you have started his own swatting I'm a rich What do you mean what do you mean he started on swathe? To one of the other. He started the swathe. I get to podcast shut the fuck up. So I could fucking a meeting in LA side talk. Yeah, he started the swathe and the bomb squad in a Pasey County. He started the swathe and a person really.

He should be able to have as many guns as he wants. Yeah, yeah Okay, now they're my guns and I don't deserve any guns, but some of the guns must Why did you feather pass away? Yeah, yeah, in the line of duty. No, no What oh just in life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that sucks. Yeah, of course, yeah, of course And so you inherited all these guns so you have like fucking 50 guns in the shitty apartment Queens spend like two years I take them out. I'm taking your place and clean them and then put them away. Where are they other my mother's place? So you leave them. Okay. Yeah, now are they antique so they worth money? No, I mean no, they're like just legitimate

I mean I think I have an AR 15 like wow. They didn't save. I'll be honest that that's scary to me. Yeah, that's fucking scary I'll be honest that's scary to me. Yeah. That's fucking scary. Yeah, be honest. Yeah, man. Yeah, that's crazy. Well, it's crazy. For him too, like, what if a gig goes wrong?

You know, fucking Vinny Brand, fuck some. That's 40 minutes in front of him, but his first half I gave him a ball in 18 shows doing for 800 bucks. Boss used to show up to open mics and do like 30 minutes at the same material for a few years. Oh, Jesus. Wow. Jesus Christ. Hello, the uncelisted block burn, right? He's to show up to open mics and do like 30 minutes of the same material Wow We know he's a fucking asshole On the wall

What does have it I bought it That did it again So I mean what are you gonna do with these guns? That's scary I'm rich, but it's like it's like okay like do I cuz I didn't get any money. I just got those like that's my money So I want money though. So it's like do I sell them? Yeah, I'm not scared I, but I don't want to sell If you bring a gun to the police the new NYPD you get money a hundred bucks

I don't know that's worth it. I'd be more 600 you know Don't tell like some home If the guy is a mustache or is I'm in the family like sell to other guys he knew mustache or is it anyone's family? I think it was like sell it to other guys he knew, but no. That's fucking Leon. Do that.

Yeah. You're going to have to hold on to him. And then when you die, give him to your son. Yeah, that's hopefully, you know, he's not closet home. That's the problem is if you do have mental checks, and you have, say, 24 hour wait before you can get a gun, you still have these giant millions and millions of guns sitting in

closet somewhere that anyone could sell to anyone outside of that whole system. But here's the thing, these guns are on record. Yeah, they're licensed to someone. They're licensed to his dad. Right. But if he sells them to someone. Yeah, but the laws are that they can, they just go to your family. So that's the thing too.

We're dealing with laws from fucking 200 years ago. Exactly. That's what I was saying before. It's like, it's 1751 was when they signed it. Just guys didn't think you were going to be able to have a fucking, you know, rounds going off like, yeah, it was muskets and I figured everybody has a right to a musket in their fucking home. You got a fucking packet up, you know what I mean?

You can't shoot it up. I'm a militia, you know, just in case the government, you know. But, yeah, and that's a prop. You have to make your own metal balls. Yeah, you do. You got to like clip money. Get the powder and pack it, you know what I mean? Honey, I need a spoon.

Yeah, if you go to a fly, I have to go kill a deer. And I ran out of balls. Yeah. Right, I saw something, Samantha Bees said something on full-fronts that Australia laws. You guys did something and now there's like no fucking. That's right. So we had one mass murder, a huge massacre in Tasmania in 1996.

And then the government used that momentum to just do a massive gun buyback scheme and a gun amnesty for any unlicensed guns they said listen we won't we won't charge you if you have an unlicensed gun you gave more back and zero mass murders ever since we're not murder since 96 let's be clear because all the gun nuts out there that are like, don't, not true facts, whatever. When we say mass murder, we're saying like five and over. So, you know, like of course there's still a legal shit

going on, there's been a murder here and a murder here, but there's been no more than four people. And the 20 year anniversary was just in April. Never since then, my father, I grew up on guns. My father had a lot of guns. I remember when this happened, and he being in the kitchen being furious, like,'t want to fucking their my guns. He goes hunting He liked having him but he did it because the conversation that him and my mom had was like

Yeah, but we don't want people to die anymore Can I ask you a question? Can he still hunt? No, you can't hunt it. Well, you can. Well, you can. You have to rent a gun. Just no automatic weapons

But yeah But it's fucking hard as a right, a right. But you have to rent a gun, just know automatic weapons. But yeah, automatic. How, but it's fucking hard is it to shoot something with a single shot's gun. Like you need an AR 15 to hunt, go to the fucking supermarket, man, right? You should have a gun. You suck it, you suck it, you suck it, hunter. Yeah, get a bone, all right. If you're that bad at hunting, then you shouldn't have, you shouldn't have hunting at all. You can still get guns in America, in Australia, sorry, but there is a huge amount of,

like you would just be exhausted by all the paperwork and the waiting time. Well, but it is American. It's like once we get a gun, and then we gotta get to make the gun this fucking crazy. Keeping up with the giant. Well, like how you are with technology, right? Exactly, it's it, yeah.

I mean, listen, I'm for somebody being able to have a shotgun in their house or rifle in house to protect. I just don't think somebody should be able to get fucking what fucking Rambo used in fuck. You know, I mean, you just shouldn't be able to get that. I think somebody should be able to go hunt and fucking if they want to kill for the food and they should have that type of gun too. And that, I mean, look, not every animal goes down with, you know, one shot.

I understand that you, but, you know, some hunting though, some of these guns are fucking crazy. They're ridiculous. You know, why guys got to realize this? Just some shit you can't do. That's all it fucking is. Nobody wants to talk about it. Why guys came to this country just so they can do shit. I really anybody anything they wanted is they came here so that they could do whatever the fuck they want. And every time we time we tell you can't say that word You can't have this gun. They freaked the fuck out. What if I need it? You don't need it. You never need it

There's never been a tech an attack that was saved because of some You're my never one Michael you've never seen red don't Oh, yeah, you never won Michael never won Michael. You've never seen red dawn The original not the second one the first one you know what happened yesterday in a walnut a Shup with your some of your accident A guy a shot with it was running out and a guy enough isn't Wyoming or something guy in a fucking horse lasso 100% Google it's a story. They just come out was like I love that I'm on to our last Oh, I'm so dolly. Well, yeah, I love

Pro last but fucking they are 15 you've never done it If there was a if there was a He's like well, what about that fucking mass murder that was averted because me and duck dynasty Shot those guys you've never done it you've never protected anything So what the fuck it is true though anytime you see these gun or YouTube videos the guy always shoots like 90 times And the guy still makes it out of the store very really does a guy go down because shooting somebody isn't as easy Time as you think it is yeah, and then Texas. Yeah, I don't care what they do. Let them have like shooting everyone, you know, liking God.

And so people from Texas, people from the South can't come here. They come here to vacation. Yeah, right. And they can't take their guns. I just would love more a different government. Yeah. How about making it hard to get a gun for somebody that's

fucking nuts? Why I don't understand. Yeah, it's because of the lobbies, yeah. What about the kid? The kid who shot the girl, he had a gun. Nobody's talking about this. It's yeah, it's what we were talking about until 40 years ago.

Yeah, for 24 hours, we were talking about it. Yeah, I know, but they were talking about what, how do you get his gun? Well, you can't, that was like, what gun is that? That's the difference. What kind of a person was? I mean, I'm assuming it was like a handgun,

where he just shot her. And then he got tied out and then shot himself. Find out what type of gun that was, what they used. But then also Paul's you know, arguing about it that he's on the FBI list. What about the shithead that killed all those people in the church? He wasn't on any list. He wasn't like more than he was. But he wasn't lying. Yeah, but he had something really wrong with him. Yeah, well, I mean, there's a common thread here of people that are just fucking They're fine. You know, I got to rein him in.

After Sandy hook, there was legislation that went up to get mental health checks to get a gun and it was shot down by 60% of the Senate because they just said, no, we love a gun. Too much. Obama tried to actually do something and it got shot down. It's a selling point. But if you're a politician and you say you're, you're against this and, and, and you want stricter gun regulations,

there's a bunch of people that will not vote for you and not support you. But listen, that's what it is. So nobody wants to be what nobody wants to fucking lose after country. After Sandy Hook, unless there are any elected Obama, Obama cried. That was crazy. When the, when the president cries, yeah, that was when they when the president cries

Yeah, he should get what he wants Half the country was like look at this fucking fake up. What is it? This guy just had two-hand guns shot this girl right in the fucking chest, but that's a Yeah, she went to hug him We know boss will never get killed that way I like instead of it being hard to get mental like going to the doctor getting mental pills. Yeah, I don't know what medication That's why these were get guns and medication. I didn't get an abortion then to get a gun The sad thing in this country is that like especially having kids myself to know that this happens every year.

This happens every fucking year. But did you say? I knew you were going to say something. I knew. I said it out. I knew it was harder in this country to get a, then I get an abortion than a gun. And then I was waiting for Chey and he just fucking sat on it and then he didn't. He didn't.

Come on. Look, abortion is easy to guess. It's pretty easy to guess. Yeah, it's really easy. Let your own South Dakota. You know, it's really hard to get a massive abortion. That should be super-religion. That should be super-religion.

It was worth the wait. It's just too many people. Come on, Mr. Nice, full panic. Just a bunch of bags. Why don't you just listen? It's just it's too many people you come on Just a bunch of back why don't you just listen you have so many white guys. Why do you tell white guys listen white guys You gotta calm down All I'm fucking white guys you know, I mean what about you take no the sniper You're talking about that. That's where you go, 1992. Oh, what the fuck, I got this one.

Hey, man, they were black. That's the only thing I got. That was about funniest joke ever. Every but, Patrice ever had that joke. We were on Tough Crowd and they said, listen, it was so funny. He said, every other saying that was a white sniper. White guy in his 40s, and it's all, because he's a serial killer.

And he goes, he's a white guy in his 40s, and he probably has a van, and he goes, yeah, it was a nigger in a Buick. You stupid motherfuckers. It was the funniest joke ever. And then when he did it on Tough Crowd, they bleeped the Buick. Because he ran.

It's right at the end. Nothing anyway. They blinked to Buick. Because he's a hero. I swear to God. Nothing in with that. He blew up Buick because it wasn't a sponsor. Is that fucking crazy? That's crazy. I mean, that's the bottom of the bottom. I mean, that's the bottom of the bottom of the bottom. Because he took weekends off.

That's the bottom of the bottom. Yeah, it's... Who said that? She's the best. But that's the thing. I mean, it's not 100% comparable, but the Buick, the sponsors. It's just all money and companies. And that's who's. I mean, it's not a 100% comparable, but the Buick the sponsors It's just all money and companies and that's who's in charge of everything and our government is not real Right. No, it's not it's whoever has the most money and the guns have the most money white guys

Stop buying big guns. All right. You could keep your muscle truck if you want to get a gun go serve in the military That's what everyone know a lot of them have this guy was a He was in that. Wait a minute. I mean, he's from here. He was built. Was he in our military? I don't know.

I think he was trained in his military and then came over here and became a citizen. No, he was born. He was born in America. He was born in the wrong. He was born in America and he was a security god. And then he was a security god. And he got in a German.

I'm like in fact checks from two Australians. It's was a country we do well that sucks to instead of actual news or a mall security One of the other what is that scope? Like this guy's crazy He couldn't fly right think about that he couldn't somebody made that point he couldn't fly I couldn't get on a plane but he could get a r15 that's that's where it's at They have fucked up that is a listen and if you're if you're a gun guy and you don't think that's fucked up right? There's something wrong with you

You just lost the one If he should if you don't think there should be some type of fucking checklist that the government can go in and say fuck you go to his house check his guns he can't buy any guns ever i don't think you should be able to buy a fucking buck knife uh... ironies he can't you shouldn't be able to whittle yeah the ironies the the argument for guns is the argument against guns. It's a bunch of people saying well

What if somebody tries to shoot me? Well, didn't have we no fucking guns? Nobody's gonna try to shoot you Yeah, but all side that's not that someone breaks in to your home is It's not a gun you need one gun under your pillow. That's fine. Is that your next special one? One good Michael Chey what a gun What's that Jim Jeffries bit about his he's going you don't need a gun to protect your family like they come at if someone's breaking it He has they want your TV. They're not gonna murder your whole family. How many fucking enemies do you know? She was doing it right now. He's a scratch, a murder. Murdood is Jim Jeffries.

You're murdering a great joke. You're right. And I love that you try to sell it more. Jason. Jason. Jason, but also on Chase. How do you feel, sir? What's your name again on the couch?

Mitch. Mitch, if someone's gonna take away your Chinese star collection. Oh, I'm sorry. Solving. And your nunchucks, would you be? I would, I would. What do you stand on guns? I'm different, Cleveland, I imagine you for it. I'm of the opinion that if we're gonna have guns,

everyone should have guns, and if we're gonna get rid of guns, there should be no guns. It's all in all. I don't even understand that. So if we're gonna have guns, everybody should have a gun on them but do you understand let me ask them to say this because people said that this is their argument if

people have worked armed at this nightclub what a what a what a very head was on a fucking police officer yeah they're saying if everybody had a gun that's what they say like nobody does this shit in Texas because everybody has a gun If everybody has a gun at that nightclub and they start shooting this one guy To people on the other side of that guy is gonna get shot. There's gonna be a lot more fucking people

You know what everybody has a gun Chicago You know the murder rate is there Because as soon as when you if you have a gun guess what you reach for when you're in trouble You're fucking gun and guess what you reach for when you're in trouble. You're fucking gun. And guess what you reach for when you're in traffic and you have road rage. You're fucking. Yeah, that's what I want to say. I don't like, before I get a haircut, I'm like doing research and I don't trust anyone

to do any job well and all these losers are going to have guns. You know, like, people are shitty at their jobs. I don't want that. I don't trust them. Could you imagine that? No. Do you imagine those fucking douchebags at the gas stations in Jersey that guy has a gun? Jesus do you imagine fucking the people at

Everywhere airport imagine me on our plane and people have guns and also just because you have a gun Doesn't mean you're better at your gun than the other you haven't seen a fucking Western There's some guys that are just really good with guns Right because you have one become the share I'll be honest for you I'm I's some guys that are just really good with guns, just because you have one. They become the sheriff. I'll be honest with you. I'm a good shot. I want to arrange. I'm a good shot.

All right, but that's good for you. But there's guys out there. These guys aren't people that just picked up a gun. All right, fucking cool, handloom. I knew you were going to say that. I knew you were going to be a good shot. I knew you were going to be a good shot. But you can hit a stationary paper.

Yeah, not for nothing. Let me tell you something. I got the guy in the head in the torso. I had fucking five feet. He was five feet away. And then I pushed the button. I went another 10 feet. Not for nothing.

He was 500 pounds. Didn't move fast, but I got him. You're a great shot. No, but standing still with fucking headphones on. Some guys fucking up, man. You guys are good Look man every slug is not real life though. No, I know I know Jesus Christ my God joking But no, he makes a good point though people like if you come the military comes to my home Yeah, if the military comes to my home with tanks and shit

Yeah, some people are you know, and I was even like that like I want to have you be like they're gonna get you They're gonna get you. You'd be like, don't move to my chest. I got a beach feed. I got a shed, I smoke in a shed, I redid it. Fuck it, I got a naked dude. Fucking 20 minutes from the city. You guys, guys, come in, my wife made soup.

Get in here, soldiers. Soup. Maybe sauce. It's not soup. She's not lazy, Bobby. What the fuck? It's not fucking lazy, man. not lazy, Bobby. What the fuck? It's not fucking lazy, but it's gonna make sauce. Come out to my house, you're gonna get some panting

and some my hair, you're gonna get fucking chicken noodle. That wasn't my wife for fucking animal. What the fuck? What the fuck? It takes all the love to make soup, too. It's so much effort but such a little payoff. Oh. Oh. You guys have a take for Christa.

He's getting pasta. You need a car bump. You need the sugars. Yeah, if the government wanted you, you'd be in a prison underground already. The Black Panthers had guns. That should have been work. Yeah.

Well, sums got to change. It's got sums got to get. Let me be president. I don't want. I don't want. I'd love your president for two weeks and then you could you can re up the next three weeks. No, Derek Geter for Chad. Everybody's gonna be wearing Jordans. No, Derek Geter should be president. What? He's directing. I'm a fucking red socks fan. He should be like you even know it.

But are you really not even know everybody? Bob. Big Bobby. Yeah, Bobby. Yeah, Bobby. Yeah, Bobby. Just for his later reunion. I want the fame. I hope you enjoy the racing beats my wife makes with everybody. Disgusting up, Ronny.

Now my sister is going to sing a song with my 18 cousins. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG and my son is not playing football or soccer. Why not? Because football is, I saw that movie, concussion, I believe it is. And I actually did a little research on it. My wife will not allow it. She's the one who said it didn't happen. And I was like, let me fucking check this out before you get too hasty. Because we put these kids in the sport just to have them to do something which I get.

That's all, you know, you get a kid putting a helmet on, running as fast as it can, slam me into another fucking kid, and people going, whoa, that's fucking ridiculous. And as far as soccer, soccer is a rough sport too. A lot of broken bones, a lot of fucked up shit happens in soccer. I get it if you want to do it. I don't give a shit, but my kid's probably going going to go in MMA, which I'm not going into. I'm not going to be a fat master. So you're more scared of football in soccer than MMA. MMA is more of martial arts exercise. It's cardio and it's actually

teaches somebody how to defend himself. So one of these fucking football players goes to beat him up because he's going to piano lessons. You'll fucking choke him the fuck out. He loves piano. He's gonna. Okay. Fuck, soccer. I'm putting a piano in front of him. I wanna, I wanna fucking quest love.

I wanna fucking savant. I wanna beautiful kid that just knows music. This is a great name for him. Maximus, he plays piano, fucks chicks. Go stand up. Wait a minute. Like all this, like, one of the stuff he has. I don't think the pianists are going to get a lot of pussy.

Are you out of your mind? Yeah, you're crazy. First of all, piano players get pussy and drummers. I've never heard that sentence before, yo, ma'am. You know why? In high school, all the, Prince, Prince. Yeah, but, yeah,

every, really, Joe, the piano, one of the, and Ray Charles, got like 40 kids each. Oh, see, Billy, yeah, yeah, yeah Everything the piano And Ray Charles yeah, like 40 kids each oh see Billy Joe blind dude dude Yeah, they also sang a shit like oh, he's gonna sing dude. I'm not he's not gonna be an idiot It's not gonna be a mute just You know how much pussy liver actually got

Gonna be amazing. Oh, man. If you can play the piano, they say you can play every other instrument, because it's all from that. So the piano, you should learn the piano to play that a little bit. Yeah, most musicians know how to play the piano. If you play it, the guy in the band that's writing the music and making the money plays piano.

But don't usually do drummers. Don't usually do drummers just stick with the drums though, instead of knowing everything. Well, the guy with the guy who plays the piano plays the drums, plays the bass, plays piano. But don't usually the drummer, don't usually the drummer just stick with the drums though, instead of knowing everything. Well, the guy with the guy who plays the piano, plays the drums, plays the bass, plays the guitar, because everything kind of stems off of that. But the drummer usually sticks with the drums. Yeah, I mean, even in that, the show I'm in, it's like, I'm the fucking drummer that,

and then it's called, the bass player is fucking, the drummer, the bass player usually hang out together because they're the ones that think you know they keep the beat boom boom boom boom and they think they're the motherfuckers when they're really you know it's the lead singer in the guitar no one wants to play a bass player no yeah but i was i've just never heard anybody being like oh he plays a piano he's getting a lot of pussy when he's young I mean like in high school is a quarterback it wasn't a lot of pussy when he's young. You know what, rock guys are, they're fucking nerds. They're thin, cut the hair off, put them in a suit, every guy in a band, David Lee Roth,

ACD, Angus, put them in a suit, cut the hair off, and they're fucking music dweebs. That's all they are. Physically, they are. But then the white ones. The white ones, yeah, the white ones. No, yeah, absolutely. And then what happens is they get, they go to music, music theory, they play the shit,

they get into a band, they, you know, the fucking stones, fucking dweebs. When you first see them, look at, look at them, the photos, they're fucking dweebs, the Beatles dweebs. When you first see them, look at them, the photos, they're fucking dweebs, the beetles, dweebs. And then they become famous, and then they just start fucking eating pussy. Dang Cook was a fucking dweeb when I met him. Famous, he just started banging fucking nine Israelis at a time.

You know what I'm saying? He's really, really, really, really, really. We should check that out. It's the jokes and the details will be. I want to fucking paint the story. I don't want you to have to go, what kind of cheeks were there? We were at a bar in Nashville, Tennessee with my cousin and his friend, Iron.

And we were sitting at the bar just drinking and Nashville's a music town. And this fucking white guy just comes up to us. He's like, in a you know how to play the bass. And when he was up fucking stereotype, that black dude was out of the play the bass. We were like, no, what the fuck? Why would you black dude's not on the play the bass, we were like, no, what the fuck, why would you call it to us?

So he fucking walks away, we're like, what the fuck was that? And then Iron goes, actually, not on the play the bass. I'm serious, but I play the bass my whole life. I was like, oh shit. It's the fucking rhythm section, man. It's a rhythm. As you play the bass, the guys you play the drums have rhythm. You have to have fucking rhythm.

I love for my kid to be. I don't want my kid to be the, I mean, I look at it. That's a lot of practice, music, and MMA. Is he gonna fuck? When he's fucking 19, I'm Mr. Miyagi. People say that. People say that. People say that. People say that. People say that. Miyagi and he's Daniel sir. We're nerds in high school and she you don't really fucking high school

You get you get a little I knew people fucking in high school You're like fucking she's blowing Scottish guys in high school Well girls fuck because they fuck 30 euros in high school like boys. We fucked 16 year olds It's not the same kind of thing until you get about 22 then you're like holy shit Yeah, when you when you start getting pussy and you're actually you did all the work in your life You focused on this dream and you that's what I want to do I love doing this and then you're on 22 25 and you're doing it. Yeah, like you know like Richard marks You know him no this thing. Yeah, the singer. Yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, remember the love belt. No that guy's a fucking thweep This thing uh, yeah the singer you know yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Remember the love belt now that guy's a fucking dweeb He's not getting pussy ever Then he writes a ballot sings it piano He's fucking everybody And he's a millionaire I'm trying to think who wasn't dweeb's guns roses weren't dweeb's you think when you see actual cut his hair

Cut his fucking hair and put him in a 7-Eleven Axelroll you know what he is he cut his hair, cut his fucking hair, and put him in a 7-11, Axel Rowe. You know what he is? He's like, cunt, behind a fucking counter. Yeah, he has that. You don't even see slashes, basically. I wish we, yeah. It's probably fucking atrocious. Yeah, dude, they were just fucking nerds, man.

You're in the band, you're food fighters, fucking nerds. But they go and they learn music, and they love music, and they play music. All of a sudden, they come up with their own, and then they become rock stars. You come rock star, all of them. That's why they fuck so many chicks. I was said and they come up with their own and then they become rock stars you come rock star all of them that's why they fuck so many chicks it's like you go crazy with it you know it's like when you first get in the comedy not you because you've been with a

girl your whole time you've been you know right you never had you never did that right when I was single I mean you you're single right yeah it must be crazy feel you have me must that That's why he has that diamond bracelet that's for each xx he bangs. He's been feeling no he has more fun Playing games on bumble with women then actually fucking Bumble Conversations see bumble is this dating app is unlike any other app Where the girl has to make the first move and I get a kick out of listening to girls break the ice because they suck it.

Fucking suck. They'll be like, well, giving me like a first question will be like tacos or pizza. You're like, you're an idiot. Are you 12? What the fuck are you asking me? Like that's literally a first question that they'll ask you. Actually, I bet it's all in love with her I'd be like you're in I would screen it's pizza. I

Would screen cabbomin and post them on Instagram. Oh, I do see you and it's you're doing that shit I did it for like three weeks and I stopped doing it. It's not yeah, it was a fun thing Not but do you bang a lot? I do okay. Yeah, I slowed down a lot I'm 33 now, so I'm kind of my appetite's not the same really really not telling you the truth Yeah, 33 I kind of I had a crazy yeah first part now yo, how old are you 25? You're how long you been doing comedy? Oh Wild It's like funny. Oh, it's six years old like that. That's not a little bit. That's you're new and everybody now you banging a lot I mean I got a girlfriend so you know you're not no, not a call you've sucked a ton of cock

Great segue Look at shame. I look at laser. I'm like it's a spirit animal. We're like best friends No, I should be having a lot more sex. I want to do you think you've heard from comedy though? I'm like it's a spirit animal. We're like best friends. No, I should be having a lot more sex You think you've heard from comedy though. I'm not I've had one I've definitely had one This is me off. Oh my foursome, but that was one time I told you this. Yeah, they were in the front of a Caroline. Yeah, so you that was once you think you should get more dick from You stand up. Yes, I look at all these dudes and they do well and then they get to fuck and I feel like I do great and then these dudes talk to me And they just all want to do comedy and I'm like get away

I'm not a worse to like some of these guys. They just like stink like a food and a taste to put up meat on the hands as well And it's just like they get no these really hot chicks But they get me and I can't and it makes me what happened with the three guys in that there were three guys in a front row No, it's two guys in a girl. Yeah, oh in a girl. Yeah, oh Double dope. I don't need that many dicks flying But you know what this it's it should like that you just said is the reason why cuz you just said oh Well, then they'll just end up wanting to do comedy like yeah, but that wouldn't stop me from fucking Like you you'll stop there, but. For me. Like, you, you'll stop there.

But like, I'm like, all right, yeah, sure. I'll tell you. Because I'm a fraction. I get a good five. I get a good five. I just get a good five. I want to put Mike. I just made my first show.

I just made my first show. I just made my first show. And then with my first best show. Can I tell you what I did? What time? And I feel terrible about this. That's hilarious. I was in Monterey at the shitty comedy club.

And this girl, she wanted to be on SNL. And at the time, I kind of knew Jay Moore and Jim Brewer from performing at the Boston Comedy Club. You know, they were hanging around. So I was kind of in that little world, you know, kind of like, well, you know, you hear, right? And I told her I could get her an audition maybe. If she sucks my dick.

Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. I remember when she put my dick in her mouth. And she looked up, she goes, Are you sure you think you can do this? No. And I went, I'm not pot. I'm gonna do my best.

I can just say that. Okay, let me know. If any advice is, you suck my dick and then I can help you. It's 100%. Yeah, but that girl, first of all, that girl was Kristen Wick. No. So, I mean, I came through. I talked to Jay as soon as it came back.

That guy should ask you that question before she put her, you're digging her mouth. She knew. She knew. She fucking knew. Oh no, she did if she put her, you're digging her mouth. She knew. She knew. She knew. Oh no, she did if she asked you, you sure? That was an emotele eight. Oh, I know.

She knew. What was your guilt level? Were you, did you feel guilty at all? I did, I'm talking, it's fucking 20 years. I'm still talking about it. Yes. I fucking feel like a piece of shit. No, but the reason it's unattractive is like a dude being like oh I want to do that

thing that I'm doing it's like I don't want to fuck you it's the biggest like it's just like a passive dude who's too scared to do what they want yeah I don't know what I want to get I like I just don't want a passive sexual experience I don't want some dude who's not confident enough to get on stage yeah I want to be what he wants to do it I want to be with someone who's the boss I don't want to be with someone like can the boss. I don't want to be with someone like, can you help me? Like I don't want. Yeah, it's so unattractive. The minute guy mentions comedy to me, like even if he says, oh, yeah,

listen to podcasts. I'm like, I know this is going. I found out recently a guy used to date. He's now doing comedy in the city. And I'm like furious. Bye. Because I hate it. I hate it. I fucking. He just knows too much about me and he's now in the scene. They're probably bad at sex. But if you're first of all, can I say something about- That's what it is. If you're a comic, nobody who gives a fuck if somebody knows too much about it. They should know what about it.

You should be doing jokes about it. So whatever they know, if they rat you out, you should go on stage and go, this fucking piece of shit that I fucked is telling people that I like fucking things in my asshole. That is not, it's more like, I don't want him to use my knife. That wasn't it. I don't want him to like make people and be like, yeah, really night Kelly, and then he turns into acting

like a fucking, and then like, oh, you don't know what girls do all the time. But we're making that. To me, it's none of that. I just, I assume that you're bad at sex. If you live a stupid life where you're not living your passions and you hate your life and you know, like you're not interesting, how are you gonna be good at fucking?

That's true. If you take it easy on Scopeball, please. You're doing good, dude. Don't even listen to this fucking bro. Jake, can I ask them? What's the, um, because I'm on Bumble and what's, what's in my open mind? She was asking you about the

I'm gonna just pan out of it What? Man! You just want girls to be like, so let's fuck tonight No, you want to fucking get some good songs No, you don't want to let it be open now You just said, like, women are so uncomfortable with starting, like initiating a conversation Well, I know what I do

I just, my first message is always Me too, Jesus But I always say so my father cooks make make My father makes it in the garage That voice is so real right now So what's your name again? Yeah, and you happy with your boyfriend? Yeah.

Okay, great, whatever. Listen, take them my go away. I'm happy with my wife too. I'm just glad your boyfriend let you come down here. Here's the thing. I had girls talk shit about me in the comedy biz, like you bang them and then all of a sudden they're working at a club or they're somehow

in the fucking business. Fucking go ahead, say my packer's small. I think I'm a shit. I don't give a fuck. I had a girl say my dick stunk. It's like smell? Yeah, and shit in it. It's like hey, I did three shows.

I did three shows at the stress factory, okay? But that was the like women will say what hurt them. Yeah, and it was in the pussy Fucking whipped up. What do we got in the chat room real quick? Yeah sure Andrew Jackson says Bobby pulled a half-consby back there With the you know your story about a promising the girl career be back there with the you know your story about promising the girl a career and that's a yeah yeah it's a half-cause being said you know I did it with lies instead of fucking roofies she was alert enough to ask questions she didn't wake she didn't wake up with the fucking her hopes in our inner thigh oh my god damn Damn them. Yeah.

Dan the man says Coach Bobby would take the team to Donut pub every week. Yeah, wow. Oh, that ain't right. Yeah. That ain't right. They're kidding. They are kids. Oh, the whole time.

I would take the team to, and I would take kids and Donuts. That was for the cool parents. Yeah. Can I come? I apparently fucking whore. I, uh, she's going to die. I, I, can I come? I apparently fucking horror. I I I hear the

I would I would I don't want to be part of that number one because that's an alpha male thing. What's that? A little down the coaching thing. That coach thing is that fucking guy who loves wearing the shirt Loves the fucking logo and loves getting out there. And I don't know that much about, I'm a fan of sports. I'm not a fucking a stats guy.

I don't know what a fucking, you know, two two fucking pick line, I don't get into that shit. I play Madden, I just play to fuck around. Yeah, but coaching kids is different than coaching. Some of those guys are fucking nuts. Exactly, yeah, nuts, but I'm saying, when you're, that's a job, like, when you're coaching kids, you gotta know that Yeah, they're not going to be doing head. Some of those guys are fucking nuts. Exactly. But I'm saying, that's a job. When you're coaching kids, you got to know that your coaching

kids is more about the development than actual winning fucking championship. Let me tell you, you know what it is sometimes, and I compare it to, and I may be crazy, it's like a prison. It's like it's being institutionalized. These teams with the coach, and they have to come on time and do this, and do that, and bay attention,

and I would want my kid to have a little more freedom and a little more creativity to maybe, you know, I don't have to, I don't wanna go to. Well part of it is showing, this, I don't wanna do that anymore. Part of it showing discipline, but like, you know, my son is in soccer and I go to the games.

Okay. And I always said I wasn't gonna be that dad. I was not gonna be that dad Well, there was no order No, no, I'm gonna hit this kid. I'm gonna tell me's a piece of shit And I'll never go anything. No, these nut job dudes that just put but all of a sudden you're watching Yeah, and you see that your son learned something that from a mistake and like he's got it You like you know either get back or do something on defense and you know to get in front of the goal Yeah, and you start seeing them not do it

But without even knowing you're like dude you got it fun And then like I start fucking be like dude and like you want them to be better. I can't do that though better You would though. I know I know I would that's why I can't oh that's how you want you wouldn't go because of that You're an athlete so you you would have you do definitely you start to kick in I just want to just be like hey if you do that if you do that You're not an athlete are you? I was I played fucking face

Didn't wiki you before I Don't like that, but I wouldn't I know that about I didn't know that you wouldn't have I wouldn't like that. But I wouldn't have lead it. Well, I know that about Paul. I didn't know that you wouldn't have. I wouldn't, the football thing is before all this shit with the heads, I would be like, if you want to go, but I just know that genetically he's not going to get to the level, like his father's, I'm 5'8." So he's not, you're not doing anything with where your height's going to be.

So if that's the cake, like, Oh, you're that big. If, if, if, if, you're never going to make it true. You're probably, you're at disaster. You're at disaster, okay? You're in. No, I'm not having my son get fucked up knowing it. You really gotta be fired.

You gotta be ticked for you at every game. You're gonna be like, I'm not wasting my time. You're gonna be fired. You're gonna be fired. His, your, his, your options. Horizon, stand up comedy, a lawyer. You pick, one of those. Mm-hm.

Pops. Yeah. But I see that as a thing. Make it, man. You never know. And that's looting. Other parents. What? It's like road rage with me. I'm a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of about myself. And I'll have, you know, you don't fucking tell my kid, you fucking, take care of you. So I'm worried that I'm going to go there and some, you know, I'm going to go to these fucking dumb things and some guys going to yell at my kid. So what about an MMA?

Well, you see a kid get beat up the first time. You don't get beat up, though. When do we get sure being the shit that you get in the cage? They don't do that. They don't do that. You know, what you do in MMA, you learn your Jiu-Jitsu, especially, you're learning techniques. You're learning discipline. You're learning self-defense.

You're learning self-defense. It's like fight simulation. It is not, well, yeah, the teaching moves. It's almost like learning gymnastics or, you know, you're not hurting anybody. You're not getting hurt. You never bring it to the point of getting hurt. And they don't spa. They're not putting on gloves you're not getting hurt. You never bring it to the point of getting hurt, and they don't spa. They're not putting on gloves and fucking hitting each other in the head.

Would you rather your son, Iské, or gymnastics? Gymnastics. Because gymnastics is gonna have a slam and body. His name's Maximus. He's got that gymnastics ass. Those fucking abs and those fucking, you can hang from, just hang upside down and pull himself up, go ladies.

How fucking great would that be? And then there's fucking big cock. My cock. Oh, my God. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no one mentioned that. Wait, what? Big cock. Wait, wait a second.

My belt fuckers. That's fucking me. Oh God, I had to do it. Sorry. It's that time again. My kids, I think my kids got a big one. Do you have a kid? Is it like a world of warcraft? Already bigger than yours. I think I think my history

I think my kids got a big piece Look man Bigger than my piece like not I mean it's like I don't like I've seen you know Yeah I mean, it's like I don't like I've seen you know, yeah, I mean happy It's a sitting dick dick. Yeah, my kids get a five in a Get hard show your uncle Yo, I'm so proud of my boy. Look at him. It my suck knowing your son as a tiny dick, you know, not you. I'm just saying. I might not. Yeah, if that were the case, well, I mean, look, I don't look. I think

if a woman says that about a guy, she's hiding some shit, you know, like you break up with a woman and she's like, and then she starts telling people he's got a small dick. He could just also have a small dick Some guys do have small packers. Yeah, I guess it's a dick move. There's my kid right there It's a dick move. Oh, yeah, I'm not showing the dick Little Max is dick dick. If you said that if you said that the mic would have been way better I'm chill. What would you say first podcast? All right listen, I gotta I gotta do some ads and then we're gonna come back in two seconds.

You gotta pee. Can I piss you? Yeah, absolutely. I'll have to have a little bit of it. Yeah, just a little bit of it. But you want to piss through the legs while she's peeing. You want to be some meat? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Give her a beer, she'll fucking let you... She'll puke on your cock. It's okay, you can piss inside my vagina while I'm pissing. It's called the double pee. We did it in my family at Barbecue. Okay, check this out. You stock up, save time and money, right? But if you spend half a Saturday driving to the warehouse to store, circling the lot for a place to park and fighting the crowds

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The first time I sold out, I think it was the Wilbur in Boston, something happened, whatever, right? It was, you know, I finally was at the Wilbur, I'm doing it, now, you know, I'm not buried, I'm 57 shows, you know, whatever. Everybody, you probably sell a fucking 25 shows there, right? I did one show and it was packed, and it was almost sold out.

I'll just say almost. And I was so, I remember I got so happy and emotional at the end, I was packed and it was almost sold out. I'll just say almost. And I was so, I remember I got so happy and emotional at the end, I guys, I was so fucking, I go, I just wanna say, man, I said, thank you, and I just wanna say how, I love you guys, thank you so much for, really means the world to me, I gave some fucking mini speech at the end.

Because I really did feel like, fuck man, I've been doing this for so long and you know, I'm home and you guys came out and fucking supported me and I had this moment, you know, and I remember on Twitter right after some guy goes, show is great, but Bobby get fucking some emotional fucking of your speech at the end of the list. The last thing you wanna get emotionally in Boston,

what the fuck? You gotta talk about Casper mattresses. And so hang on. Oh, it broke down. Get him back. I need to know because he took a drink right after. Oh, he knew. I'm trying to cover it up.

I call that the nip-to-polo sip. Oh, cip-to-polo. Oh, mom. Give him that dirty one. This is the racist. This is the racist. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. and great festival for I went down there for the Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll, which is coming out June 30th, second season. They flew us all down there, but they actually did a

rescue me reunion. You guys remember the show rescuing me? I remember the posters that were falling down. That was good shit. I'm telling you right now, man, that fucking, they showed a clip, a half hour clip of, you know, they had the whole cast there, of course, Larry and pita tolan the writer that wrote it with leery who's a fucking just a genius did he do this show with you huh did he

do this show that's right to no pita tolan no it's it's leery serpico's directing and producing and leery wrote it right leery wrote the first season okay with you know of course he had his team Sherbroko and Celetti and his son Jack Larry actually came up with the Beast Corps stuff for us at the end and they all wrote it together but Larry the first season him and the second season he wrote most of it with help of he has a woman writer now on the staff and there's another guy writer. How old is a woman director now too? How old is a son Jack? Rose Mary who's awesome. His son is I think he's like 25. Dude looks like

Leary just improved. Just poor just great looking kid. Nice guy. You know, Leary's like you know I was talking on the panel like you just have you know Leary's great guys have to know his language you know. Leroy's like, you know, I was talking on the panel like, you just have, you know, Leroy's a great guy, you just have to know his language, you know. Fuck you, it was good morning. Go fuck yourself, it's take it easy, I'll see you tomorrow. You know, and then when he just stares at you, and then he goes, what the fuck, that means good job. You doing a good job, you know, right?

But dude, the rescue me show, I don't know if you ever saw it. The thing about racism, did you ever see that? No. It's so fucking funny. Can we bring that up on the computer real quick? It's it's one. The show was fuck. FX was one of the first stations to ever the shield, nip talk and rescue me. I think changed television. Hmm. Reck cable television. Well, rescue me was FX's big one like that like really got like oh, she was first. She was first. Okay. Was that post soprano sex in the city or pre? It's our post. Post. But here's the thing. Soprano's HBO. So it's not fair because they get to do. They should get it. Regular TV followed network rules. What about that? What sons of energy? Wasn't that like, uh, that was after that was after.

Okay. That was it. That was last year. I didn't watch none of it. So I don't know like a timeline. That may guy is so high. The only thing I watched on that fact was was Louis. Yeah. Louis. I mean, but Louis, I mean, you you think of what

effects did John Landgrass when he took a chance on the shield, which, you know, showed fucking the commission the commission he but the show was so fucking violent they swore and they showed nudity and graphic and they were like it was almost like an HBO type thing because there is no you know there's no rules like you they don't have to no they really don't they don't have to cable can do whatever the really doesn't have to they really could say what they could say asshole But there's some regulations though. No, no, there's like a Sponsors

It's a sponsor's the repercussions to your actions, but you can do it if you want like they can right but I mean they just don't they just don't Great Thank you. What's the volume over here do we have it it up? 1314. Can we just play a little bit? See if it comes through. I think Tom Lee honors you. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, I'm sure. If you would say that your prejudice,

your hands. OK, minute long. This is a useful response. No one identifies him or himself as prejudice. We all think, OK, we have a hand up. You think your prejudice. Yeah, against who? Well, let's see, Chevy Nears, it cost 12,

we're in a buy, but $8,000 paint jobs and nine specs and time smoking weed. That's one thing. Well, let's see, uh, Chevy Needs, it cost 12,000, we're in a buy-back at $8,000 paint jobs in nine specs since I'm smoking weed, that's one thing. Okay, I was the term spec. That's okay. Well, to see if that's really not a easy chain project, I'm not driving the first place, and now they got cell phones stuck, there is, while they're doing 65 miles an hour,

and then they're doing a six day out. Yeah, a bank. They're crazy chinks on bikes with 10 pounds of Chinese food strapped at the end of the bar, so yeah. Now, see, the work chain is what I like to call problem work. If I were a chain guy, I'd rather be called a chain guy. That would go for a chain. Chinese people would not like to be called goog or chain or pants, things.

You know, I'm just a racist. So, it's just what the boys and a slur as we get one. That's it. The Irish they got Mick, Patty, Donkey, Italians, they got Gingwap, they go, I was big any vendor. They're going to get a vendor one of the style brands of entrance for his marriage. Breastball? That's a reasonable one.

They have it. That's for it. That's right. You know what, same thing with the Jews, right? Ede, pipe, Jew boy, Betty, Shylights, five, and black. We'll forget about it. Spear, chuck, and jungle body. Raisin head, porch, monkey, Betty. Shylights five. And black will forget about it. Spear chuck, a jungle body, razor head, porch monkey's book.

Shy, tar maybe, and Dennis told me I'm fresh. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha. What? I have a video. Hey. Look how he's super hot. Oh, he's very hot.

He's a great career. She had it like that. The black people had way more than everybody else at the end. Yeah, he's very hot. He is a great career. She had it like that the black people had way more than everybody else at the end Yeah, our babies. That's news to me I was doing I was saying I believe that's on fucking regular cable that should that's like HBO shit Shut up. Shut up. What's up? Yeah. What's up? What's up? Oh, sorry.

What the fuck? I, and one of my jokes I call LeBron James an eggplant, and then I found out it was racist. Yeah, at the stop. You can't do that. I didn't know that was racist. Well, in one day, like, three people came up to me, and they're like, you can't.

You called them an eggplant? Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Why would you know that? That's racist. To me, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just,

I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just,

I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just,

I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just Like I've just said, what the fuck an eggplant this is? But it's not a, Michael, look at me. Listen to me, I swear to my God. I believe you, I believe you. It's just funny to hear. Yeah, but I feel guilty about saying it. I don't know, it's a weird thing.

It's like I feel guilty about, I was just fucking eggplant. That's, no, that's a rough one to be honest. I'm not, but it's not a black person. It's not like I'm not saying it to him. It's no, that's a rough one to be honest. But it's not a black person. It's not like I'm not saying it to him. It's like some old lady, some fucking twat in a parking lot. It's like old lady. No. I'm not. I got to be honest with you know, zipper head. The first time I heard zipper head, I didn't understand it, but I just burst that last time. I didn't understand like why the what a zipper head like how does it even

fucking it's just being on more shit, right? I didn't understand like why the what a zipper head like how does it even fucking it's just be a non-moreshy Right, I didn't know that I was not hurt at them though that clenches That Clint Eastwood movie was really raised grand terino. Yeah, grand terino. Yeah, so he was calling on like fish heads and zipper heads And I didn't know and when somebody was like zipper head. I just I just heard fish head maybe I've never heard that one That's the really old one fish head isn an old one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pan face is fuck. You know, funny.

It's because I went to school with a boy named Josiah and his face was so flat, you would put it on the table. Yeah. What? What? You don't know what fucking egg plant needs. What the fuck, I don't know. I thought he had friends for 15 years. I just want to be accepted.

I just want people to like me. I'll do it again. And that guy can legally buy an AR-50. You think he's adjusted? A Bob, big of racism. I did bring back something a little bit racist for you from Australia. All right, let's go. Give the surprise a surprise. Something racist for him is great.

You're the most resistant gift for this to be on here. No, because she won't, I didn't want to do it. Yeah. She want to do it. Can I say something? She's like my sister. You know, my sister will come over Christmas time two days before Christmas. I love her.

I love her. I do love my sister. I do. She's very simple right now. What's the first thing she's been. I do love my sister. I do. She's very simple right now. What's the sister? Yeah, my sister needs a kidney transplant ASAP. Are you going to give her one? No, I can't.

When I get shit to do, I'm doing the Asbury Park. Did you get a sweet guy that got the fuck in there? You're just the underpants. Yeah, I got a room for the fun of week. I got a walk best that last week. I walk best that. What's that? The place you're going to be at.

Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, it's a bachelor party. What you're called again? I don't fucking open It's gonna be great. I don't fucking now. I'll tell you what I'm gonna house of independence house of independence I'm very excited to play I love playing new venues Because that me like if I'm there or somebody else is there like you do a lot of great cool venues Yeah, I like I like been used that are necessarily for comedy. Yes.

Because I feel like it's a different. I can also double up in that city because people that go to those music venues might not necessarily go to comedy clubs and vice versa. There's a lot of comedy club people that are like they didn't even know that place. Fucking existence. I just booked I just booked six shows Minnesota and Florida but not in comedy clubs. Wow. Yeah, that's happening more like that's like.

Yeah, that's happening more people like. I do standing and I'm not. Yeah, I'm not doing that. That's happening more. That's happening more. People are like, I do standing. I'm not doing, I'm not making a ton of cash, but you do a few of them and you make what you can make, but it's one show, one night, I'm walking the fuck out. You're doing great. I'm doing like an hour, I'll just go out and do an hour and a half, maybe get a local guy or somebody to come with me do a little bit, but if not I'll just I did it in Tennessee I just I went out after a band and did an hour and 20

We're natural and no and no and no I'm sorry and it was fucking great. Yeah, it's great It's like that's why am I going up after fucking why am I giving the best part of the show to this fucking middle local dude And this other host I don't need a host Why am I given the best part of the show to this fucking middle local dude? And this other host, I don't need a host. I'll walk the fuck out. And they seem to be more focused when that happens for some reason. Like they're like, oh shit, okay. And then by the time you get to your closer, they're ready to go and it's fucking great. And then it's done. It's over. And they're like, what the fuck? That was awesome. You know, they stretch it at a comedy club. They stretch this fucking night out.

They get there at six. They start drinking. They get some food by seven hours. The show starts at seven thirty. The guy goes up. They do an intro thing for fucking ten minutes. They get comedians that are coming that are way better than you that are coming next week. You know what I mean?

Right. But they don't leave you wanting more. They don't really stretch it. But then a guy comes up and does 10, 15. And then the guy says, 20, 25. And then they'll all say, you're up. And then that's a long fucking night. It is.

I'll go to one of those kind of music venues do standing room. And I'll do like an hour. And then I'll do pictures right on stage. They'll all come up saying, well, I'll just come trail up a stage. And I'm out of it Yeah, yeah, right, I try to do that and then two people would show up on stage

They're really quick. Yeah, and everybody's like yeah, we're good They've got there. They feel like they've got their night. Yeah, I didn't see a bunch of shit They saw one guy they saw two people out. I'll bring somebody with me Yeah, two people I'll work with somebody with me two people you people I like to open for people when I'm hope like When I'm I was in North today I'm sorry I'm sorry

Um, would you bring where you're talking? Siphah I was a gym nor today and he's dead chip all the time Fuck it. I call it cyber sound Siphah What what's that? What? That's what he does Someone says you know and they say chip What? That's what he does. That's what he does. That's what he does.

Someone says, you know, and they say, Chip, what are you doing on purpose? I'm so fucking mad to my kid loves Chip. You're fucking messed, man. My fucking kid's in the bed in the morning. He's waking up and I hear him going, Chip, what are you doing? Chip. Wait, what's going on? You know Jim Norton does that character chip.

Chip chipper? Yeah, it's the best. I honestly was thinking about that little T-cup. Did you drop acid in the bathroom? Fuck up. What mask on you, Clint? What did you do? What are you doing?

A mask? A mask. A mask, a mask. Forget it. What were you gonna say, sweetie? I'm so sorry. I just didn't know what the Chipper was. Oh, nice.

All right, Kelly, what are you, is it good stuff? Oh, yeah. All right, thank you. I'm glad you're back, by the way. Me, she cheesed. I'm glad to be seeing you guys and being here. This is the last time you could do the show while you're here. No, no.

Okay, you know, Australian, Mammy Bank or some shit. Mammy Bank. What did you bring, what did you bring, Christophe? Well, no, everyone, well did you bring, Chris Gopo? No, everyone, well you one thing particularly and everybody else here gets to enjoy everything else. Okay, go ahead. First thing I bought you was an Australian astray for your cigars. It's a hard one so it's not too bad.

What am I smoking? Fins cigars? Yeah, I mean, there's very sweet. Siggurilla. Yeah, a cigand thing I got you was, I don't know, have you ever had a tim tim before? Oh my god. What's a tim? Tim is gonna end your life. Oh, I have done this is the beginning of the end. Yeah, it's on it. It's the the unbelievable cookie. I'll be the fucking judge I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I go. I All right, well it kills cockroaches So the angrier you look the better the food He's angry with himself

It's like a black lady singing This is so... Really enjoying it. Oh, no! It's pretty good, yeah? Oh, shit. And the last thing. This show's going beyond the paywall. Fuck you. You getting it free now.

Oh, my God. Good? What are you stupid? What am I egg pop? What am I egg pop? It's the best thing I am I eggplant? How do you interview a rabbit cookie which is not good? This is a candy. I can't believe I've never bought these back before. Hang on, I gotta get this taste out of my mouth and want to want another one. This is all shit. Is that it? You brought me one fucking cookie. I said fuck you ate them on the flight. I know you did. I had so many more and I had so many more and I went back in.

There was one left, but both my roommates were a big stone. I ate the fuck out of them. I did a 14 hour flight from hell born. You tell me you didn't throw your own coach on crammed up watching a 19th movie and you're through 18 of them down your gullet. That's true and I got more so it's fine. Okay guys. Now this is, I can't believe I never bought these back before. This is a chocolate flavored gummy bears that we have. Okay.

But Jason knows what I'm about to bring up. I'm a softie man. You're a light chocolate covered gummy bears. You like a chocolate covered one? Anything gummy I like. I like me. The point is, is that they are actually called Chico's. They are always racist fucking food industry.

They're called Chico's and they're really, really fat. What does Chico's mean? You don't let it go. You don't let it go. I'll throw it on the racist band down. You're fucking hit a coffee. Yeah, well, but they're chocolate. It's like they're Chico's, but they're chocolate little babies.

It's kind of like that But they're really good So Chico's is what they used to call little black kids That's Mexican, but they're black I know what I thought Michael Michael when he says used to he means last week Ten that in Australia the three worst words including Australia's like N word abo bong and None of those make I'm so bad at you right now

Thank you The flavor you want to be the last flavor. Thank you. Thank you. You fucking ruined me. You should have gave me the cookie last. Now I got this fucking cheat go. Take it. Take it.

It tastes like a licorice. Yeah. Yeah. Like hot cocoa. It tastes like hot cocoa, but like if you didn't put water. It's like a mocha. A little cocoa mocha thing. Coaching powder. But like if you didn't put water Right

Fucking shitty What else you got what else you got that's it? What about my gift what a close I No, that's it. Yeah, we're gonna Suck this the guys I'm doing That's it. Look at that. $6,000 on a few fly. Is it enough? It's a fucking cigar ass tray. Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, one of my fucking I'm trying. No, you did. No, I love you. I'm not gonna leave this Look at the frame. Look at how many Australian things in this room. I bring back something every fucking time, and I never get taken anywhere.

I just go up here. But it's just fine. And I mind to contribute. What did you bring? It's gif, there's a gif, there's a koala over there. There's a strange flag somewhere. There's a frisbee as well somewhere. Yeah, well.

I just took a bunch of that, right? Yeah, got for it. So good. What's your favorite gummy? Put them in your pocket, kid. What's your favorite gummy? Put them in your pocket, kid. Pretty great, man. What's your favorite gummy? My favorite gummy is a pretty great.

The collision. Horrible. Horrible. I like the horrible, you know, it's amazing. The sour, the salad. Horrible, yeah. Can I tell you my favorite fucking version? Over the years, the horribose was really good.

I love the colors. My favorite, my favorite, Versi story. Yeah. Born Montreal. My first study, like really, you studied hangover, Versi, you know, I knew him but we was 2013 right the 2013 Me Bob molly tape we go me and verzy go to the movies and me and Bob Molly like fuck it We walk right up to the concessions give us this give us that and verzy's like I don't I don't want I don't want that I'm I'm not I'm not fucking with that stuff. Now, I get this ice cream, and he's like, you know,

and he sees me with my thing, because I go all out. He's like, ah, it's fucking, what is that? That's that. Well, frozen yogurt, what is that? Whoa, wow, that's fucking, that's nuts, kid. Would you get that, well, they have those. And he walks up and goes, hey, uh, so what do you got, we're key, you got the.

We're big topics. He goes, you know, we're big topics. Yeah, we got this, we got diggers. Yeah, the, uh, mini gummy bears, you know, the mini bears. Guy goes, no, we don't. You got the topic because you're a topic's we got this we got they goes yeah Many gummy bears Guys know we don't have fuck out on one of them. I don't want it. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out I'm out and he walks the fuck away The kids like what did I do to you?

Where do we go to strip club with we said I don't want to go there I don't want to go there. Oh, no, the funniest thing, dance ain't your man. Yeah, yeah, we went to the strip club with dance ain't your man. And he was like, I don't want to go. Walking into this place, and there's this, this chick just walks by, she goes, hey, damn. LAUGHTER I just need to leave one of that. I know, like three different things to see.

But you have fucking breakfast here. LAUGHTER Oh my god. That's when go just slow. Okay, suck it. Right. You're going just to go? I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go.

I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go.

I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go? I'm gonna be in Dublin. I might go just to go. I suck it in there. You're going just to go? I think so, because I'm like free that week. I'd never been just to be there.

You're just gonna hang out. I always miss the shows, because they always put my show in like minor zone. I feel like left out. I went to Lest, to JFL the Lest 3, and I knew I probably wasn't gonna go. And I'm like, I'm good with it. And then all of a sudden all my friends are going back and I'm like, fuck, I wish I was going again, but because it's the best, like it really is. JFL, it's Montreal is the best.

JFL, Montreal is like the line up to create. It's like summer camp for us. I just, I love festivals so much. It's like all-star weekend. I love festivals, but like, without the fall. This one, JFL, JFL does it right. I only went once as a new face. So they put us in the days in, but it was great.

But I want to get in that higher, you know what I mean? Yeah, the higher she did. I don't know where I got to play. If you're going, I got to I got a place to recommend. No, it's just this place. It's an old Montreal. It's called epic. The shit is great.

It's a boutique hotel. And I met the guy the owner there and he was fucking cool. Tell him he hooked me up. Did you eat there? Did you drink there? Just fuck what you do? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no higher? Yeah, so yeah, dude, I don't give me a verzy fucking high hopes. Oh, but what I'm telling me is you got a fucking standard. The guys are huge fucking comedy fan maybe works something out. I'm telling you. Yeah, wow. Are you fucked with me about the GIF JLL Gave? What was that? That fucking notebook they gave? So I was all excited. That comedy. I was all excited about like, you know, I got there

as like my first year getting there in 2013 and I get my package and I'm like, you know, they gave gifts, you know, I got there was like my first year getting there 2013 and I get my package And I'm like, you know, they gave gifts you know the way they gave like a bottle of something Yeah, like it's done in bracelet so Bobby just fucking read on my face Bobby just read on my face that I'm fucking knew a JFL and I'm psyched about the fucking gift right? So I just go I go dude. Did you see that fucking? What's that thing? That's in like a hard thing? He goes out Do you know they give an iPad's out this year? What? This is a shit man. I earned this shit Fucking yeah, I'm doing I'm on good line ups and I'm getting an iPad

This is the shit Jay Follower the fuck around and I go back to room so excited I put the fight I think I even went to pour the drink from the fucking bottom. And I open it up and it's a fucking notebook. It says, oh, and I was like, that motherfucker. And then you go, what the fuck do you think? It's fucking, it fucked me up, man. That was fucking. Yeah, those parties go late.

They go late, but I've learned that, number one, I can't, I fucking lose my voice in Montreal because of the pollen and my allergies and those parties because the music's up and everybody talks and you wind up talking like this and hey, how you doing man, good to see you. And I fuck up my voice. So last time I was in 32 shows.

And the last night I lost my voice on the last last show like I was like it talking like this. Yeah, I've never done a run like that That's cool. Did you do head and bridge air? No, I've done head and bro Yeah, yeah, you didn't see his mental breakdown on the Annoying for you to you don't drink what do you mean when you don't when you don't drink and you go to like a social thing Especially with your peers. It's a no you know you're annoying see no it is no it is and it's annoying seeing people drunk like it's you look at and you're not you're just like get me to my like it doesn't yeah you don't have alcohol that's good for you ever I trust

like no that's great no you Your eyebrows look like they drink. You're supposed to do smoke weed? No. Yeah, like I don't want you having guns. Yeah, you should have. People that are sober shouldn't have guns. But when I go to Montreal, this is what I do. I go in that big room for people who don't know.

At the Hyatt, that's where everybody stays, mostly everybody. And, you know, there's a big circle bar, all the comics. I mean, literally if something happened at this high it pretty much funny around the world would be gone. Some of these festivals, everybody's there. And everybody talks and they hang out to the fucking wee hours of the night and they get fucked up and stoned and party and blah blah. What I do, I make my round, I do one round. Hi, hi, what's up, what's up? And then I take it out to the lobby to that little area. What about the, they are in outdoor area?

No, because it's too loud out there. I'll pop out there a little bit, but I take it out to the lobby, and then there's another lower level that you can go out. And I'll get a group of people to go to lobby, and we kind of do our own little thing there, right? I threw a pizza party last year with Ann Harris, the last year I was there.

We got like five pizzas, had him delivered to the lobby with the elevated banks are, and whoever came out came the fuck out and hung with us. But it wasn't loud, I didn't fucking lose my voice. That's remember when who's that guy who's stone all the fucking time? What's his name? He's got to always fucked up.

Doug Benson? Doug Benson? Doug Benson comes out with this fucking drunk chick. Now we got a pizza to throw people. We got the pepperoni and the cheese pizzas, but then we got a veggie pizza with a fucking asparagus. Yeah, but it was a decoy pizza. For people we didn't like who wanted pizza.

So people come out and be like, I want pizza. We like, yeah a grab a slice And they open it up and there's a fucking asparagus veggie people I'm good. Yeah, get that fuck out of here, right? So they're coming out Bruce Hill the fucking pizza. Oh grab pepperoni Robbie pro. Hey, this is cheese. You know Doug Benson and some drunk broad Yeah, right there asparagus. Yeah She's fucking hammered. She's like, I want pizza.

Oh, geez. He looked all of a sudden, she days of slice. She goes, I want another slice. She goes to get the slice, trips. And as she trips, she pushes. So her body goes fucking horizontal, flying through the air, two feet off the ground. Hits the ground, slides, smashes her head on the marble fireplace.

Pop back up, goes, I'm okay, blood trickles down her fucking head. Oh my god. I look, the Benson's gone. He just left. He hit Ding and a fucking elevator. I'd love to get the footage. I want to get the fucking security camera footage of seeing this chick fly through the air. Much to look like a possession.

And Harris had a fucking take her home. But I don't fuck with that part. But it is a great party. But I make one loop and I'm out and I grab the people I want. Like if I saw you, I'd be like, dude, let's go. Let's go smoke. If I saw you guys, I'd be like, I'm going to be out here if you want to come, whatever, say what's up, and usually people will pop in and out. But anyways, all right, let's end this fucking thing. Yeah, right. I was already. Let's go. What do you got, sweetie? What's going on with you?

Well, I actually have things. OK. Hello. July 10th, I'll be at comedy works for three days, four days, and I thought. In Denver. In Denver. One of the greatest clubs. I'm doing a Sunday Monday Tuesday,

and before that, I'll be somewhere in St. Paul. But I'm really excited about going to Denver. I love marijuana, and I can't wait. But I'll wait till after-shows. The club is one of the best clubs ever. I know I can't wait. It's amazing. I feel very downtown walk right to it. It's fucking great. Chey, what do you got? I got nothing. I'm just gonna be in the city doing a bunch of shows. I'm working out for a special must be nice So no, it's not nice. I'm doing a bunch of stand-up and bombing

You're not bombing fuck you old stuff listen man. I I admire thank you for being humble because you could be a dick. Nobody's fake humble. So it's worse. That is worse. You did not. You are not bombing. I don't. I've watched you all. I don't think I'm that humble. Yeah. I don't. Yeah. I don't know. So then don't pretend that you were bombing all weekend. No, I'm saying it's it's what you know, when you do a set of you the shit that always works Works it doesn't matter the news shit's not coming along then you feel like you're bombing you get what you want out of a set look When you come to a fucking podcast with a fucking bracelet like that you're not home

You know wearing something that would make a Mariah Carey go with a fuck did you get that? Ha ha you're a comic. It's not a bad thing for two seconds. I'm just wrong. You're on camera. You show with disrespect to cops. No, right here. You jump down to your face.

How are you on TV? You do that on SNL. Where's the camera? We're thinking. No, no, no, no, I got nothing, but I'll be at the cell the most nights. And then I got the special coming very, very soon. And thank you for having me, Bob. You're doing it. No, no, no, I got nothing, but I'll be at the cell the most nights and then I got the special coming very, very soon. And thank you for having me, Bob.

You're the best. Thanks for coming on. What do you got? June 20th. I'll be headlining Absolute Comedy in Ottawa, Canada from the 20th to the 26th Absolute Comedy. And also this weekend, I'm excited. I'm going to be with Burr in the NJ pack in Newark, also Atlantic

City and Baltimore. You can check out the dates on PaulVersy.com and get me on Twitter at Paul Versey. Oh yeah, I'm glittering. She's on Twitter. Oh, no worries. Yeah. Hey, uh, hey, I get them to say something about the premium channel for us. Why key WD in the hallway? I get everything. You're going to lose your bathroom, great Paul. I'm sorry for interrupting those trying to do it party buddy. You pants up buddy I think it's coat needs to go down your pants was hey these are dad. It's all done there you go I'm crack what do you got besides shitty chocolates? I how dare you oh god never bring you anything ever again, but you bought me one cookie one individual cook dude

I bought you like I bought like a 10 in the fridge and I got two stoners I live with. They're in the fridge? They ate them all, I came home and I was like, guys, they went for you. I had them in the fridge because they're better chilled in the fridge. You know what, it's literally just like back in the day.

Kinda have nice food in the fridge. I can't have nice food now. So you're back. Yeah, I'm back. Well, yeah, I'm back until the end of the year. And hopefully if I can get a Well, yeah, I'm back until the end of the year. And hopefully if I can get a job, if anyone has a lead, anybody needs a job. A legitimate job.

Yeah, like don't like message me and go, I have a job for you and then try and write me behind a dumpster. Like I need an actual job so I can stay here and stuff. So I got to wise I might have to go. But I've got enough money to last for, you know, five weeks. We're going to keep you here. Yes, I want to stay. You'll get your job.

You'll get a job. Thank you so much for having me. And also, can I clarify before why I came in early to catch up with Lauren? These three kids, man, 100% they give you and they work on really hard. So, I felt bad shit not about the very beginning because, I mean, I'm not, don't look at my hat, don't look at my back. I'm going to take some right now they're fucking a million times better than you literally I can't I can't

believe deep who literally stepped in as a fucking just a guy should to replace you and he would be better but he fucking so far with a shit the fucking shit I mean Lauren is fucking amazing Yeah, there is three and all the cats that Scopo can't fill Lauren picks up and Scopo books the best shows ever I mean, it's a one of me. This is my fucking. This is my Olympic team right here No, I know I know it's shit not on them, but they you know I was I wasn't saying they fucked up I was like oh, they were I would learn is so much better to look at Roto Now you are cute you're still cute. I still have a hell of a rack

So you're my type of girl now. You know, I like you. I know right? I like it big titties. I like big girls. All right. Yeah, learn cities. They'd be weird to take them I don't know what I'm getting is it a couple couple? We can take it. I'll give it yeah I'll give it some of my boobs about gonna have a skinny arms. That's all good But anyway, no, what the fuck they got over there? She could be you know trans. I don't know But yeah, I'm I'm gonna be here for a long time. So thank you Bob and thanks Anybody any time and I just you know, this is one of my favorite place to be in my favorite person the world So love you darling. Good to have you back. Thank you, honey.

Verzy. Thanks. Come on. You fucking need. I'm having him. He really do love those gummy bears. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

Right. Yeah. What do you got, man? I'll be at the stand on and off this week. I got. Uh, we're doing the roast battles. Rakers doing one, too. Yeah.

Roast battles and grammar scene. Buzz's going to come out. We only for coming central. Let me tell you something. I'm going to tell you right Let me tell you right now, grammar see, when is it? Sunday night. This Sunday night at the grammar see Rose battle. Oh, look, I just did Jeff Ross. Just the one in Austin.

I just the one in Austin. That's what we're doing. It's the Jeff Ross thing, yeah. Okay, I did it with Jeff. Yeah. I never really, I always thought Jeff was kind of douchey with me or a loufe or what it was kind of, I never really connected. And then I was down there and he was, I went to the dressing room, they asked me to come

down. I was like, okay, I'll do it. And, you know, I was there for the promoting sex drugs. And I stayed next to the day and I went and he was a little weird now. And then Adam Farah went, I was like, dude, is he a little weird? And I'm far, I was like, dude, he's stoned. It's always. He goes, I go, oh, it literally made, I was like, dude, is he a little weird? Adam Farah was like, dude, he's stoned. It's always. He goes, I go, oh, it literally made me,

I was like, oh, he's always high. That's why he's, I never really connect. Like I never made, he's always like, hey, Bobby, how are you? And I'm like, you don't like me? And I'm like, no, he's fucking stoned. That's why you asked me how I'm doing twice. You know what I mean?

I get it now. So I actually went, we did the roast battle, we had a good time, the fucking roasters were great. I just don't understand, you know, every fucking comic. No, I know. Well, they all gonna look like they fucking hunt ghosts. You know what I mean? It's like, can, can, is everybody a nerd now? Yeah. Is there any fucking buddy with a leather jacket and a cool haircut? I will

tell you what Bob though. What? This kid here, Scott, he's up against my Lawrence that show. Listen, let me finish my brand you fucking cock sucker. I'm ranting about these fucking this look. I get it. It does look like the hunt goes. The other leather jackets are for losers. Not, Baba, listen, I get it, but I'll tell you this. They're all, like, when I came up, Burr, Patrice, me, Bob Marley, Dane, we all looked, we all, we had our own thing.

Yeah. Like a bad ass, we don't know. Huh? Yeah, like a bad ass. Yeah, but they're all different. No, no, no, no, no, no, their own thing. Patrice, Billy dressed in earth tones and quarter-ois. Huh? You look a bad ass. Well, no, no, you know, team jerseys and hats. Right. No dress. It's a lot of trends, you know. But it's, you know, remember? No, it's trends. Like John Stewart and those guys. Yeah. It was about the black leather jacket and the white t-shirt. Because something came back to like all those like H.S. HBO half hours. They

all dressed the same. It was. It was. We didn't. I get you. But we didn't. When I coming up, we didn't. We were in the view., oh you mean they'll sound the same but you were right after that time you guys were right you're right you're right you're right you guys were right after the time of like the jeans the bad ass jacket Maybe smoke on stage yeah, Jim Brewer didn't dress like fucking J more Dave Sheepal didn't just like fucking DC Benny Yeah, you know Patrice didn't dress like fucking Keith. Yeah. But you want to know what it is? What? I think this is what I think it is. It was when I think that comedy central C, when comedy sent, like whatever the networks

are picking at the time. Yeah. Okay. So if you see a kid, if you're a nerd and you see another nerd on TV in a fucking whole thing and you got a bushy fucking beard, like, oh shit, they these guys they're going for these guys I'm gonna fucking and everybody starts to do that and I just miss the physical I look at that comment about comedy looking like everyone else like what I would I tell you yourself from everyone else I'll tell you this the comics themselves were fucking great you know I mean like I didn I don't know what we're in Austin. The comics were fucking killer. They really did. The Jeff Jeff killed it. You know he's a fucking just

can go out there and do that. He roasted the audience and blah blah blah. The show itself was flawless. Everybody run it was great. Did you love the Negro wave? The fucking wave is probably my favorite thing. In entertainment, I wish they did other events. I wish they did everything. I wish that wave thing was on, like you could hire them to do whatever you want. I mean, like a podcast, you know what I mean? Seriously, they're fucking brilliant.

Whoever came up with that is brilliant. So the show itself, the outline of it and the, what they, it was great. And the comics all were really funny. It was very fun. was one round five jokes. Fast. Yeah, fast. Very fast.

Very fast. Yeah, but you guys fuck what do you want me to wear? I'll wear whatever you want. I'm just saying look, I don't want to sound like some old guy. When I was a kid we walked twenty three. It's just every counter culture always gets ripped off by mainstream no matter what it is. And that's why when people tell about cultural appropriation, it's like, it's not a

black thing. It's a cool person thing. Yeah, but like, Verzy, but it's like a hip-to-gai loves fucking great sneakers. He dresses the way you know what I mean? But it just trends. It's like, you know, they stop meeting. That's fucking Verzy. Right.

Yes, but it's like, it's girls with like colorful hair now. Back in the day, 12 years ago, and I worked up like some punk rock salon and bitches had blue and purple hair. They were nuts. And now every basic girl can have pink hair. And you think it represents something, but it doesn't. So all these nerds, they're not actual nerds. They're just adopting mainstream culture.

Okay, that's exactly my point. That's exactly what it is. It's like I wish you would say, you know, what am I? Because the comedy wasn't the same. I tell you that. Right. Every comic was fucking different. You could pick him out in the lineup. But they were all fun. And they really did, I mean, they really wanted for the, it was very funny. I was like, what the fuck? Yeah, I'm really thrilled, excited. You're going to get Joe Liss. Who's amazing? Oh, wow, really? I actually talked to Joe today. Yeah, I hope he ran a couple of binds. They're probably great.

A couple of zingers, hey. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like him getting it. We were going against each other. I know. I just said, don't know. Don't listen.

Just go in and play. Run your race. I know. But I need to have some comebacks. I know what he's gonna talk about. Joe is too nice. I think you will get one of a Joe. Joe is gonna be the great,

great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, But it's good. You and him I would I want to go see it for that. Yeah, cuz I know you're a killer too. Yeah, you're not a fuck. I want to roast battles Yeah, you know when I say that dude, I know you like dead fucking around yeah, because I was gonna about the fuck around too Fuck we're gonna get serious when you get serious Jersey one of my favorite literally on the planet I probably home by myself, but I'll think of her and I'll start lab I'm not sure if you're gonna be in the next week. I'm not sure if you're gonna be in the next week. I'm not sure if you're gonna be in the next week. I'm not sure if you're gonna be

in the next week. I'm not sure if you're gonna be in the next week. I'm not sure if you're gonna be in the next week. I'm not sure if you're gonna be in the next week. I'm not sure if you're gonna be

in the next week. I'm not sure if you're gonna be in the next week. I'm not sure if you're gonna be in the next week. I'm not sure if you're gonna be in the next week. I'm not sure if you're gonna be in the next week. I'm not sure if you're gonna be in the next were on you right yeah, and you're you're doing the rose metal when is this it? Yeah, the roast battle and then next weekend open for Sam or L at high if that even fucking open yet

Yeah, I wouldn't even promote that. Yeah, so I don't know what you do is you doing a spot. Yeah, exactly I love Sam. I love Sam. That's great man. Yeah, good to have you on man. Thanks for thanks. You have fun. Yeah, it was fucking fun Awesome. Get rid of those fucking guns Seriously man, do something like a nerd out Thanks for your fun. Yeah, it was fucking fun. Awesome. Get rid of those fucking guns. Yeah Seriously, man, do something like that. What are we gonna do on a nerd out? Dude shit. You know, you do put them in the basement That's it. That's what I do. Yeah, what the fuck am I gonna do? I'm gonna go you're gonna go some of some of this podcast is gonna go fucking rob Fuckin' hell. No, we're gonna be fine. Yeah

What do you got what do you get Jay? I got I got spots around the city. I'm up every night I'm going to Comic-Con with you oh Yeah, yeah, the trade I pitch you for that show San Diego. Yeah, well, this is great. All right, so we're gonna be out Hey, do you like that? Yeah, do you like the nerds at Comic Con? I don't just like him I don't read him Jesus Christ. What do you like the nerds at Comic Con? I don't just like them, but I don't read them. Jesus Christ, what? Do you like the nerds at Comic Con? I love nerds. Let me tell you something.

I fucking love nerds. I'm a secret nerd. I love fucking nerd life. I love talking to nerds. I love hanging out with nerds. You know, Stan, I don't like all that. I don't like being around fucking stat alpha males, you know what I mean? Look, I love alpha males because you know, that mean? I mean, look, I love alpha males because, you know,

that's what I grew up with and whatever. But when I was in high school, I hung out with the fucking football guys, I hung out with the fucking nerds, I hung out with the car thieves, I hung out with everybody, I hung out with the fucking weirdos, but yeah, I love nerds. So, Comic Con to me, I walked around last year, but I got a pass and just walked around

and chuck shit out. So we took that weird photo with you you with all these super famous like Goddard's. That was great. So we're going to do this big thing at Comic Con this year. You're on it. Jonathan from Rattles can. What is it? Fucking Rattles can over here.

What does it say? It says Rattles can hair the heroes. Rattles can hair. Rattles can hair the heroes Rattles can hair Rattles can hair He's in a may I mean he's fucking amazing. He's a great artist. Yeah, I'm sorry that my head's flaking I don't mean to disrespect his Jonathan But he's gonna be on it. You're gonna be on it. We're trying to get I want Howard Porter to be on it And then I think we're gonna get Mike Lawrence to be on it. But you do like comic books?

No I But do you do like comic books? No. Good to know about it. You're curzy. I collect 10 fucking hits. I collect 10 hits. How'd you do to say, yeah? No one's double checking. We're not doing a FBI fucking background check. I didn't want to lie to you.

I like Nerds shit too, but not to that level. I like graphic novels, but I mostly like... Comic Con stuff. Comic Con stuff. You know what's funny is I'm a fucking... I fucking love Star Wars, man. I love Star Wars. I actually, Star Wars is like... I'm so forced to wait for the stars. This is Star Wars man. I love Star Wars. I actually Star Wars is like

I'm so forced away from the house like this is Star Wars is shit but no but there's a fine line No but just that there's a but I'm trying to get you on the show you fuck I know but I like Star Wars but I can't fucking show to play dresses. How so low do I just can't I'm not a fucking asshole What the fuck you think I'm dressing up? No, I love the costumes. I love singing more with the costumes. Oh, she did blew a fucking squad of stars. Fucking dream to blow fucking R2D2.

What else do we got? I got, you know, my dates are at JsonChapfield.com and I'm JsonChapfield on Instagram. Lisa loves the Simpsons. You know, at that time, I brought the director of the Simpsons right here to the cellar and you said you were gonna be here, and I texted you and you were at home.

Who's that Matt Crowley? Yeah, the David Silver. The surroundings. I'm so sorry. Who's it doing? You would've laughed at him. He's gonna be in San Diego at Comic Con this year. So you're gonna meet him this year.

Well, I'm not doing, it's not San Diego. It's New York we're doing. Oh, you're doing October. No, I'm doing San Diego Comic Con and New York Comic Con. Yeah, it's New York we're doing the show. All right, David's gonna be in San Diego. Nice talking to you. All right. I'll it's New York. We're doing the show. All right, David's gonna be in San Diego. Nice talking Alright, I'll be I'll be in New York Is that right? Whatever?

Hey guys, how'd you like the show, buddy? Oh awesome and big big fan many years. Do you bring me anything? Hug if you want it. I would love a hug. Give you a big hug buddy. Hug. I'm in that You're the best hugger in town. Thank you mama. Hey, thanks for coming on bro I really station listened to the show chat room saw is dick by the way What yeah, he's got his shorts up and apparently his dick was poking out That should be premium Did you dick really coming out don't know that way go that way Where are you going?

Where is she going? She's got to go beat off. How about you, honey? Do you have a good time? Yes. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you. I'm so happy you came in because, look,

I got a lot of guy fans on the show, and I love them to death, but it makes me happy that there's a pretty young woman that's a fan of the show. Thank you. Because that means that we're not such fucking hunks of shit. Or you're just a twisted bro. All right. I do have a twisted. Yeah. But that's fine. That's good.. Oh, you're just a twisted bruh. All right. I do have a twisted

Yep, but that's fine. That's good. I like that. You're twisted mine But you know, I like the girls like to show too, especially hot ones with boyfriends if they like Sweet, I know. I'm never getting a titty pick I got cockpicks every week. I got cockpicks all the time. What are you? Snap you love them you know how they send them to my, the YKWD at Ryecast.com? Do a Snapchat, do a YKWD Snapchat, you'll get chip picks every day. Yeah, I won't. I'm telling you.

Get on it, Deepu. You're gonna get titty picks. Buddy, I'm on Snapchat myself, I get nothing. Oh, right. I get nothing. That's wrong. I get nothing. I got a fucking girl sent to me what she could.

Hey, I had this for lunch. No. Yes. Get rid of it. Hey, I had this for lunch. No. Yes. Get rid of it. Just don't do that. Kyle Ploof. Kyle Ploof. Yeah, just send him these days.

I'm in fucking shit. I don't care. Stop fucking me. You're fucking. I like Kyle, but Jesus Christ. Well, thank you for coming in, you guys. Scobo, what do you got? Thank you, first of all, you two, for sitting over there

and being uncomfortable with each other. But it's a great show. I got nothing. Just go just at Chris Copo on Twitter and Instagram. You got a great hair is what you got. Yeah. All right. What do you got Laura? Uh just sorry at Lauren Cabera on Twitter Instagram. Are you getting dick pics? No. I haven't got any. Have we got it? No. You put on you got a fun dance Instagram recently. Yeah. Yeah. How did that start? What is it? She's just dancing with her hot friend. Oh, yeah, I did see that that was kind of hot. Oh, thanks Lauren's a cutie patootie. Oh, thank you. We fix out the instant. Do we fix the Instagram? Oh, we got to talk about that If anything, but he knows fucking somebody an Instagram. You can't even get in touch with these folks

I will literally blow you if you could help me me Anyone at Instagram because I can't fucking do this shit anymore. The Instagram blocks me and my best friend from each other, and they won't help us. Yeah, they were. Thank God for Snapchat. What do you got, Depot?

You can follow me on Twitter and Instagram at R2Depu. And I'm around, working on my shit. All right, people, you got it, brother. People live, I'm going to be at Skankfest Sunday night. Of course, I'm doing the Asbury Park Oh, you're doing Skankfest too. What is it called? Skankfest. Where am I? I'm Skankfest too. Hell yeah.

Yeah, it's on June 18th. All right, so June 18th the people live June 18th I'm at where? House of Independence. It's on the Asbury Park. Asbury Park it's one show only I got two local guys that I'm gonna open up for me And it's gonna be a great show. So if you down the shore or anywhere near there get your fucking tickets and let's have a good time saturday night Sunday night I'm at Skankfest around eight o'clock doing my show and then

24th 25th you're gonna be in McGuire's in Bohemia. Yeah, I got Chris Scopo and Shuly is Shuly from the Stern show. Oh really so they know the first show on Friday at the brokerage. First show is in the website. It says McWire. Yeah, it's it's brokerage on Friday and then Saturday. It's two at McWire's correct. And it's me, Scopo and Shule.

I'm going to be doing this show from very excited about that. What else do I got? And July 1 through the 7th, you're going to be at the Marriott in Aruba. Aruba? Aruba, I mean Aruba, yeah I'm a very... Are you bringing your family? Yeah, I'm sorry to you.

That's the only one. Lovely. So I really appreciate you guys want to... If you guys want to be guests in the studio, how do they do that, Lauren? Just email us at ykwdproduceratryakess.com and... You're not getting your cleavage at all, I mean... I don't have any. Um, the mic's blocking it.

The mic's blocking the shit. I got your buddy, don't worry. No you don't. Tell his buddy what he was. He's good for just snapped. I'm waiting for that day, he just trashes everybody. He pulls a bend belly, and just kills everybody. It just attacks me with great roast jokes.

Like cry and just quit the podcast and he takes over. You know what, Dibu? Dibu, just respect my aim. All right, so, and if you want to be, if you have anything you want to send us, all the stuff behind us, you want to send something to the show like Shitty Ashtrays. What do you want?

Yeah, 117 McDougal Street, 1-0-012. Care of either Robert Kelly or YKWD Podcast. And here's the deal. Check this out. You want to be a sponsor of the show? You email me at dude at Robert Kelly Live. I mean, dude at riotcast.com. You want to be sponsored to the show.

You have any questions that you want to ask me directly. That's what you do. Email me there. And go get the app. If you have an iPhone, you know what? YKWD podcast app? Android same thing. It's free. You get all the shows. Latest 10 for nothing. And then all the premium goes behind the wall. And if you want to become a premium member, all you have to do is hit the button, sign up. It takes two seconds right inside the app.

And it's $1.99 a month, you don't even take the hit, it just comes out, you can cancel whatever you want. We right now we have the podcast video and the show up there right now, which is a fucking epic show. All the the originals are on there. We get Dan Soda, Joe Liss, Lewis J Gomez, Colin Quinn, Deepu Lawrence, GoPro myself. We kill it for podfest, and that's under the premium membership right now.

So go there, join up, hit the button, try it out. All you motherfuckers that have joined up, I love you to death. So you guys are the best fans of the world. Thank you so much. We'll see you next time. You know what, dude? What the You've been listening to the YKWD podcast

Thanks for listening Now go back to your shitty jobs Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet and they're all free Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, lincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.