Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Pu**y and Topics

Episode Date: November 16, 2015

This week on YKWD: We have Cipha Sounds, Stavros Halkias, Jack Leary, and Phil Hanley. We welcome first time guest, Cipha Sounds, who was a legendary radio personality at Hot 97.1 for 17 years. We find out why Stavros comes in swinging and misses by a long shot. And Bobby does an impression that we think may be Irish/Canadian.   RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con fireball! Disfruta de un consumo responsable, 33 grados. ¡You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what dude! On the Riotcast Network, Riotcast.com ¡Hello, I'm comedian Pete Corrielli! You may know me from the Pete and Sebastian show right here on the Fantastic Riot cast network.

Don't want to hold you up. No, you wait and listen to your favorite show But just want to say I got a showtime special airing all month long on showtime and showtime 2 and Showtime on demand. It's called let me tell you and if you can DVR it go to showtime on demand check it out I really think you like it. Even on Thanksgiving night, 11.30 is a perfect showing and 11.30, FD is stuffed, relaxed, and frustrated because the lines lost again. All right, P. Corrielli, over and out, thanks again, later.

Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a cost-effective podcast. No rules. Look at the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic? No, what the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic ad.

I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and he happens. Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's at no topics. No directions. I love doing it. Way both sides of the coin. That's not what a no direction. I love doing it sides of the coin The day my podcast is popular I might affect somebody's life. You never know the at a live show at the Village Underground Lounge went off extremely well, fun, funny, and awesome.

And now we're back in the riot cast studios above the comedy seller. Thanks to the owner of all, gnome and the comedy seller people. And I've got a fucking really quiet show today. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Wow, we. All right, so Laura, why don't you go in the room and introduce everybody? Sure, we got Siphon's here. Hi, hello.

Hey. Who is fucking, I mean, dude, let's, I mean, you had, you have a massive radio show. Yeah, I mean, number one. Yeah, for a while. Number one radio show in New York, in which is fucking. Number one market. Ridiculous. Yeah. Right? As a comic, you didn't one radio show in New York, which is fucking. Number one market.

Rediculous. Yeah. Right? Yeah, I love it. I mean, as a comic, you didn't even get radio in New York. Right. Because it's so big and prestigious and you can't really get in unless you're huge.

Exactly. And you were on number one show on the hot 97. Hot 97. I was there for 17 years. Jesus. My morning show was for about seven years. That's a long time. That's a long fucking time. It's pretty good.

And now you're here. And now I may. Yeah, what are you just rubbing it in? What is going on? And now you're on the 48th. You have the 48th most popular fucking show tonight. Thanks for having me. Dude, you know, it's funny because I saw you at the,

when I first saw you at the clubs, you do have a great, great, great performance. And I'm going to be a little bit more focused on the show tonight. I'm going to be a little bit more focused on the show. Thanks for having me. Dude, you know, it's funny because I saw you at the, when I first saw you at the clubs, you do have a, you're not, no, no, no, you're not, I want to hear this. No, seriously, you have just quiet way about you. You're not like, yo, that, you know, like comics, you mean, hey, how are you? I'm fucking Cleveland. And, you know, you know, but you're like, how are you I'm fucking Cleveland and you know, you know But you're like what's up? Yeah, it's a detriment sometimes. Well, I don't I don't think so I mean once you get to know you like

You're like you're not one of the guys that you go hey, hey, you just start yammering to it So he's right. Yeah, you're idea of a flashy guy someone's like hey, how you doing? I'm from Cleveland is that I didn't say flashy We said like like I said a new comic in New York. You added flashy. All right, well you I meant you you know your body language said flash. Hey, you should probably hold back in the pocket before You're right. Well, I just take the next I'll say the next one out guys. Thanks When you said flashy I'll just skip fills in trill So yeah, I got two problems one One, I'm very quiet off stage,

like not performing wise, laid back quiet. And then two, I look like I'm always high. I've never smoked today in my life, really? Well, you're always high. I never, once ever smoked weed, but it's just sleepy eyes, mixed with allergies, mixed with no sleep. And people are like, this dude's fucking bay

Yeah, you do yeah, I'm like I never spoke so I'm sure there's been things where I haven't got you have a like you your eyes Like you should be fat I have to be a lot of Yeah, you yeah, you because you have sleepy fat guy eyes. Hey man. What's going on? Yeah, you have sleepy fat guy eyes. Hey man, what's going on? I have a lot of friends. Like I was skinny and then got fat, but then this guy's at a fat,

they're just meant to be fat. And it's a podcast. So you know, that visual joke doesn't translate, but he was looking at me guys. I mean, there's five cameras in here stupid. You fuck up again. There's 600 people. I'm not.

There's just a fucking thousands of people watching the video. Are you right? Well, another one off. Sorry, guys. I'll be right back. I'm gonna fuck up again. I even know it wasn't a bomb. It wasn't a bomb.

I was like, you're just swinging and hitting the dirt. Anyways, man. Welcome to the show. Thanks for glad to have you on, dude. You should. You know, you work under the cellar all the fucking time now. And I just started to get to have you on, dude. You should. You know, you work under the seller all the fucking time now, and I just started to get to know you. And then I went on, I was randomly watching some stuff

on NWA, and then he had a fucking intense interview, great interview with Ice Cube, about what really happened, right? I mean, and I was sitting there, I was watching it, and I'm like, is that? Oh my, I was like, fuck that you. I was like, holy shit. But the video is great. It was all about, I want to get into that actually. Let's interview the next guy who really is just not going to compare to any of that. No, no. Phil is one of my favorite people in the world. One of the funniest guys rolling right now. Thanks Bobby. And I believe you don, don't you have a new,

an album out there? I have a, my half hour is gonna be on Comedy Central at 12 30 on November 14th. It's great. Unbelievable. Oh thanks, man, I'm pumped. Fucking killer. Here's a problem with you.

This is why you're so dangerous. It's because you're a quiet guy. You look like, you know, you, you know, on a fucking, you know, brand new coffee shop and fucking Brooklyn. You know, we can only get our own coffee beans and Guatemala ourselves. Every Thursday, we fly down. We're going to get our hands.

You know, my wife is glad. My son is Guatemala. But, and then, but you're one of the funniest, and you can be vicious. Uh, yes. Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't recommend fucking with me. That's what we're here. I really wouldn can be vicious. Uh, yes. Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't recommend fucking with me. That's what you're...

I really wouldn't crowd wise, too. Um, you're fucking, you can go right into the crowd, you can dip into the crowd and fucking smash somebody and come right back with that sarcastic fuck. You have like almost English wit with just a shitty American accent. Canadian. Ugh.

Even worse. I seem to feel, say some shit to an audience member and they're not even realized that he just just did. And then he hits him like a minute later like, wait, he just. I'm the first. Joe Liz gave him a pep talk before he went in here. Oh my God. And he got he had a hit it, he got it, he got it, he got it, he quick and you know Bobby sometimes a time you know Joe Liz, dumb fucking nervous. I think he was fucking with me. I think he did so not, you wouldn't think

that he would do something that conniving, but I think he was fucking with me. So Phil comes in and just starts smashing me. I'm like, I go shut the fuck up. I was mad though, because I never met him. He comes in just literally out of the gate fucking nailing me and I go shut the fuck. I was like fuck you. You fucking. Boss came out.

What happened was we did a lot. We did the Pete Holmes podcast live at the Vancouver Festival and it was Joe Liss, Mark Norman, Carmen Lynch and myself. And I went at Pete, like I was just kind of fucking with Pete, and Pete was really, you know, like cracking on board. So that was like the week before, and when I'm doing this, and Liss hooked it up, and it's like, yeah, just, it's just like Pete's just go in. So when we started, I started to bust and balls right away, and it, yeah, it got intense.

Well, because, yeah, you don't, like you walked in, and I was like, hey, I was a nice guy ball. You know what I mean? Like, hey, welcome to the show. You're like, yeah, good, yeah, like thanks, you don't like you walked in I was like hey, I was a nice guy Bob Welcome to show you like good. Yeah, like thanks Fato So your mother fucked when she was young Started intense, but then we even though it started off like that within like 25 minutes we were buddies I'm fucking to yeah as soon as I knew you were a nice guy, but it less fucked me Yeah, he did he did yeah, he fucking he does a lot He fucks a lot of people. Hmm. Uh, not women Anyways, let's go to who I love. I mean, I just I don't know why I love them and I tell people you can't help but love them

Oh, thank you. This is something a sex pot. Thank you so much. That's how I just He's alright. We've got or not doing me anymore. I am. You can't you can't you can't set a fat guy up for that. You can't be like he's watching me down a burger. Okay. A burger to mean cock. What do you mean a burger? You ate a burger? Yeah. Well, we went out that night. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But no, you can't set it. You can't be like, oh, you sex pot. And then he goes really. I'm just trying to get a more Twitter followers

Instagram at stopby baby My erotic Instagram. There's a new naked one actually taken by Joe list Doing the photography. Okay, here's a problem with this I love stop roast Like whatever's last name is how he is I don't even know it. I don't need the last element, but I don't care Yeah, stop Exactly, right? Stavros. I love him. He's, you know, the comic of the year in Baltimore, which means I never would say that by the way. You never, you never got. He wants to. It's the worst thing you could ever have. I never put it anywhere, but

thank you for mentioning Bobby. So he comes in and we start hanging and his glasses are crooked and he's a little fat dumpy motherfucker. Well I don't know about dumpy but he's talking about pussy. He's talking about pussy and food which I love. So in that order and he takes me out to Korean all 24 hour Korean barbecues the best at honey pig which I would you know I would fantasize that would be my nickname if I were to say. No, no, that's the, if I own any restaurant. That's the poor note, if we're ever in a corner together.

The honey pigs. Yeah. I just want people to come in and say, honey, how y'all doing? Welcome, we have a whole Suckland Pid. Glad a quick comedy got into the Pid build, though. Suckland Pid, you know. Yeah, I was fucking delicious. We should get some Korean. We go hang on that's the

hero in Korean pussy. This is a Baltimore. So we go we have we we've been friends ever since he's just loved the death and he he has this into this Instagram. My rather Instagram. It's it's the most disturbing. I'm just gonna tell him this one thing. So I'm sitting there. I put it on and it's him and he goes what's the push up thing? Oh, what's that? Lovers push up. He goes hey, what's it? Just do it real quick. Look into the camera and do it. And the camera right here. That's your camera. Hey everybody, welcome to Hawaiian Fitness. Today we're gonna go over the lovers push up. It's first of all, it's Hawaii. He fucking ringer for Hawaiian, right? I'm wearing a Hawaiian shirt. You and me could literally be on Hawaii.

So it's him on the ground, another guy pumped a palm on top of him, and the guy pushes up and then as he comes up, they kiss's more coming there's more Hawaiian fitness coming. There's no hamburger guys stay tuned It's so funny and then there's a bunch of photos him naked So I take him to a gig in rich field at the rich field playhouse Which I love by the way the two girls that run into fucking smoking hot. Oh God I fucking still think about them to this day, but the theater was awesome. We show is Oh my god. That's not that I'm sure there it is.

I'm married. Okay. Uh-huh. And I'm a Catholic. Now you're a Catholic. I don't like that you just swing it. You're attacking me. I'm going to fucking kill you.

No, I'm sorry. No, I'm talking about my kids keep attacking. Um, I really have you attacked and filled. Um, unbelievable. I'm on stage. I come off. I look at his Instagram. He's naked on the mic couch in my green room.

He's naked with flowers over his junk. Well, I'm on stage, bust in my ass. So these fucks can get a little money. They're in there fucking off in my green room. Wow. I'm about to sweat in for an hour. He's in there naked with Joe Listu a fucking game, a queen photo shoot. It was a great joke, definitely.

I think so all side of my dick. I was completely nude. He breathed the same air that my dick was out in. So I think that was a nice part for our friendship. And that was, I'll just secure this bomb and then I'll write it down. To the left of Stavros Nyachemachach. How'd he is?

I think that's the right. To the right of him. To the right of Stavros. What I say left? Oh, left of me, right of Stavros. What are you in theater? Yeah. How's that?

Number one, we're in to do a fucking off-roadway play. We got my friend, one of my good friends, producer of sex drugs, benders, sirens. I mean, he was a writer on sex drugs. Wrote, actually, I mean, I gotta thank this guy. He actually wrote a great fucking arc from i character on sex drugs and rock and roll uh... that uh... called b's core for me and johnny else

he was a one of them up with that uh... jack leary everybody suba bay jack leary uh... uh... uh... unfucked that was i mean for me this is a funny part we're doing the thing with the thing and they were writing

sex drugs as we're going to the very route all those scripts by himself so you know we didn't know what the show is fucking gone and then he came in with b-score and i'm reading it like what the fuck we what uh... you know what i mean and it was i was like all you gotta be shit me. And then the only thing

That's the only thing that I fucking hate you for the only thing and this is just because you're in your head writing And you're not you're thinking about how funny it could be and how funny it should be You're not thinking about my physical well-being is when you wrote leather jumpsuit That was that was Dennis. That was my dad who put that in there. Did he? Oh good, good for you dad. Had a little torture in there for you. Let me tell you something.

First of all, the poor ladies had to find a leather jumpsuit. How many cows died for that jumpsuit that happened? Did I go to a farm and have it custom made? Did he? He was a big cow over there and that big cow. You know what I mean? A lot of people do is unhappy about that one. Now, it was a three person was a big cow over there, and that big cow. You know what I mean? He was unhappy about that one. Now it was a three person operation to get you in there.

Oh, it was, I'm not a kid now. They lowered you in with a crane. Well, when we tried it on, when we tried it on, it was so fucking bad. They had to cut, they had to cut, open some spots. Oh. Wow. I remember there was one time on sex drugs.

And then what would they just sew it up again? What was it? It was a sex drug. It was on sex. Yeah, they just filled it with material. Oh, I see. Yeah, what's your name? Uh, uh, Geriana.

Geriana on sex drugs. One of the best costume designers of all fashion's. She is fucking ridiculously awesome. But I remember one time one of the shirts didn't button on the front, so she literally just cut the back. Just sliced up the back. Cause I had a jacket on. So you never get to see the back.

So the back was just cut up and then you can just button right up. Just a fat guy tip. No, I filed that one away. The back was just cut up and then you could just butt and wrap it just a fat guy tip No, I filed that one away Don't take it jagged up, but I remember when they got me in that suit There was one they finally three people had to get me in it three girls one piece leather outfit one piece thick leather Like don't take nero motorcycle Wow, I'm like climbing the legs. I had to get the legs in put the first I had to put the legs in and then I had to get my junk in and then we had to climb in the legs. I had to get the legs in. I had to put the legs in and then I had to get my junk in.

And then we had to shimmy. I had to shimmy with two girls on each side. So you dig as just out, you're completely new? No, I had, I had, no, no, you're not. You're not the mind of what I'm just wondering. It's not on Instagram. Yeah, it's the bed. I'm not gonna, I'm never fucking barris.

I would literally quit the gig. I'm not kidding. I throw away the biggest opportunity in my life. I would be like, I'm out, I'll see you later. If it said, show your dick in the script, I'd be like, I'll see you guys later. I'm gonna go back to fucking Uncle Vinnie's. It worked out though, because you got to hang out with two hot chicks in that scene for like eight hours.

Oh, fucking annoyed me. I think I'm fucking bugged the fuck out of me. Well, were the actresses? No. Too hot chicks. No. Look, here's a deal. They were hot chicks, but they, I don't know.

They were cooler as we went on, but at the beginning, they were just trying to, you know, they were Russian, too, right? Yeah. Yeah, they were, you know, they were Russian too, right? Yeah. Yeah, they were, you know, they, they, they, they, what do you do these foot? Well, I do well. Do I do, I do, put the helmet on. But here, it was my fault, though.

I'm sure they were nicer than I actually. I was so fucking miserable on this thing. Was it hot? As they zipped it up, it was the hottest thing ever, but here's the fucking kicker. I gloves on and then a helmet. So. and the helmet had a visor that cut off all ventilation to your head no ventilation I was lose just a hot pocket we would open the visor and steam would just pour out I fucking come in the room and I'm supposed to be playing the drums right I was so so he because he wrote all

the music to oh cool yeah well not all the music too. Oh cool. Well not all the music for this scene I wrote the song. For this scene he wrote the music. No the music his father and his band wrote. But for this scene he wrote this this this song that we're doing where I am uh I am EDM band right. So uh well like Daff Punk. Okay. Basically we're trying to do it. See the whole thing was pretty funny. We're too old to be in that type of thing to come up with that music, so he was like, we'll just hide our faces and we'll be doing that Daff Punk shit. So we put on these helmets and these outfits and we're behind the fucking DJ booth and we're playing, but I'm supposed to be playing the drums. I'm

electric drumming and I'm mixing. And you're saying your lines, there was a whole thing. And I'm saying, but I'm dancing. So, it looks good on paper. Big if that's a one of suit with fucking stage lights. And I kept coming in and I was like, I think you should drum a little harder. Yeah. Just to give you a hard time. And then server-goal coming and say,

cut the drums, we don't need the drums. I know we stopped the drums. I literally, I yell cut for the first time in my life. I am just meant to cut you out of the jump suit. Is that what you're saying? I'm not, I believe, you don't fucking say cut. You know, you know, you know, people that say cut is the fucking,

maybe the star and the director. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it, right? Me or the director? Dude. So, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I two action. I'm drumming away. I'm dancing. I'm talking. I'm doing this all of a sudden. The lights start getting dimmer.

I'm fucking losing my breath. I can't. I can't breathe. I stopped saying my lines. If we get the audio on me breathing, that's not good. Oh, there was. Yeah, we were all listening. I went, I literally would cut.

Cut. I'm going to pass out, I can't do it. I was literally out of sit down, I was fucked. Wow. Dianne, so they cut the drummin' down to just one. Yeah, one stick. One stick. Wow.

And that was it, I think that was a 12 hours. It was a long day. It was maybe a 16 hour day, right? It was a Friday, yeah, we went late that day. It was the longest day in my life. So how long were you in the soup? All day. All fucking day. Holy shit. Wow.

And it felt good. Like the first scene we did when I rolled over the table. Yeah, it felt good because I could... I had like... I don't know, I felt like... When I rolled over a table, it felt like I was compact. Like I could... It was like a... It was like a super hero power. Like I was, you know, Captain Rola.

Like I was like a bakery rolling pin. That was actually one of my favorite moments is the Cheetah move over the table. Oh, the Cheetah move over the table? Yeah, well, you know what's so good about it is that we got me and Johnny L's got to, like, yeah, great. They would let us, like, him and then Cerberco and his dad, Dennis, they let us fuck off. They saw, they saw, you created something. I don't know if you, did you?

So my dad, so basically I'm riding the Nepotism train here and I got hired as a writer on my father's show. But he came to me and said he was coming up with an idea for you and Johnny Ells, this would be storyline, which is great, because you got it. I just thought you one second. None of us know except for Starvers would nepotism mean. Yeah.

Filmmight, it seems like he might. Yeah, you kidding me, Nepotism? Yeah, I know, I know Nepotism is. What is it? You know what? What is it? It's like when your family works somewhere and they hire their own people.

Yeah, Nepotism. Beauty. Yeah. Well, so Phil just looks for it. He's in a sentence. Yeah, Phil. Phil. He's yeah spell it

I thought Phil was smart at the napatism I love that star roast just got sag as he thought Phil was one of him you're not smart? I'm not my I'm not I'm just lexics with my vocabulary yeah me too is in are you really? I really am okay I'm I'm dyslexic so my vocabulary isn't are you really yep? Oh really? I really am

Okay, I have a learning disability. Yeah, same man. So okay, so anyways, yeah, nepotism. I think we all got it No, you got you and John eels are comedy gold So we figured we put you in any situation. You'll be able to you know turn it into a funny thing But uh, yeah, that came together and it worked out perfectly. Did you write did you write my favorite one that barbeque for hand job cc that was all that was that was all pop it yeah i read that i go i would i would a little bit uh... alright

i'm not gonna make television it was no way i would say that the server would go to this is fucking hilarious but there's no way this is going to i'm gonna jerk a guy off for bar for barbecue that's not making it the funny part about that too it was everybody in the left it was just all of us I wasn't even there I was sick that day okay so Serpico who's a mother fucker okay just he's the best at fucking getting you he'll bust you fucking get you know

ninja with his he really is so I'm it's the last scene of the day I'm this guy's got a dildo. I'm I've been holding it you know onto the thing But kind of eating ribs and the ribs the prop got it said spicy ribs. Yeah for some reason He's he wrote spicy ribs which you don't read just say ribs right? He wrote spightly He just wanted detail so the prop guy is so good, Matt. This guy, he went and got a fucking spicy. He ripped, he was upside down. He was like, no, no, no. For fucking two hours, eating my lips are fucking numb.

That's the matter of how good he is, because he went into that exact detail. Yeah, he did, he really goes, well, it's that spicy. I was like, yeah, but it doesn't have that in there. There's no fucking tasting on the TV. Nobody's gonna, I can act spicy. Yeah. And as you well know, yeah, yeah, yeah. The first time you're on the show. Yeah, you're very spicy. Yeah

So I'm sitting there all of a sudden okay they were like the Which is named the AD who was that? It was either Gilman or this Gilman. Yeah Gilman sitting there. He's on it He's got the little earpiece and he's like all right Robert. We just need a little more sauce on your lips around I was like okay, so I put some sauce on, okay. And he'd go to his head for it, like they're talking to him, they're producing everything.

Okay, a little more sauce. I'm like, okay, so I put more sauce on. And then you go, all right, let's go, ready, speed, whoa, whoa, all right, we need, Bobby, I'm sorry, we need more sauce, because we gotta get this scene, it's gotta look like you ate a bunch, so I'm rubbing sauce in my face, and I'm like, cheeks, and then I go, okay, it's great, okay, because we got to get the scene. It's got to look like you ate a butt, so I'm rubbing sauce in my face and on my cheeks.

And then I go, okay, it's great, okay. And the, all right, it's, Bobby, we need, just stop on your foot. So I'm literally, my fucking face is burning, my lips are burning, I got sauce all over. I'm just, you're just doing black face. I'm just, I'm just taking sauce, I'm putting it on the thing.

And then I'm like, I'm like, and I'm just trying to get mad, like that's a human. Yeah. All right, I get get it but let's can we fucking enough of the sauce yeah you know you're an artist I was it come on and let me jerk this guy off please I'm a serious actor yeah let me focus on giving this guy a hand job first of all it does take a lot to sell that you need to tell him yeah so and then they of course they were like all right. That's great cut. That's a wrap So that was it they didn't need it

My face is covered in hot spicy Kid me and everybody's laughing I'm like I was it was like that moment We like you wanted to go you know you leave the go fuck you. We go So I had to take that fucking server cover but so that's jack and to do just the whole show now here's the funny thing oh god first of all you would you grow up Phil uh a shawantario that Vancouver would you grow the Bronx and the Long Island really what'd you grew up in Baltimore? Baltimore. In their city?

Yeah. In the city. And you grew up in New York. You mix between here and Connecticut. In here and Connecticut. I live up, you guys know. And first of all, let me introduce Deepu, who fucking killed it the other night. Oh, thank you very much.

On the live show. On the live show. God damn it. And Lauren, who fucking killed it too. Okay. Yeah. Well, it's a sexy Kelly show killed it to yeah, it's sexy Kelly show well yeah we up great awesome is the as scope was out it's just Lauren now

really what are you laughing at just you know what you're out of scope all Lauren oh I can't scuba just help me move a couch so you know what I have some stuff that needs moving next week. So people were raving about that show. Really? Yeah, the live podcast. Who was raving about it? I talked to No more about it.

Dude, it was unbelievable. Yeah, it was great. I really know how to run shit. It was nice to see you and Dan finally get it over with. Oh, yeah. I guess, you guys make up. He was first of all, I don't like your confidence. Somebody else said that.

It was so smooth. I wrote that line three days ago. Yeah, me and Dan. So does Kist. Really? Yeah. Wow. Well, here's what happened.

Made out. We didn't make up. There was no. Bob was tongue. So I don't know. No, there was no tongue. She's lying. You give each other's comment.

Every time you lie, you have to show a nipple. There's fair. Phil goes, yeah. No, I don't know what happened. I was acting out a scene. We're acting out my first movie role was called Last Night at Ed's, where I played Dylan. Because I got a hand job for eating ribs.

Whoops, get me a ball, Dan. Here you go. Actually, I'm gonna take your microwave. I'm gonna take your microwave. I'm gonna take your microwave. Fuck. Why does his heart so familiar? It's just like, his I feel in my chest.

So I'm gonna ask Bob some of you who's like, what? His I feel in my chest. Someone else bombs him, he's like, what? His, I actually physically feel it. So, Dan, my first movie role that I ever did was last ended, they played the romantic lead. That was actually my second fat in life. When I booked the part, I was like, you're too heavy to be a lead. I say, how, when are you shooting?

I'm shooting a 30 days. I go, in 30 days, I'll come in 30 pounds lighter. I came in in 30 days. I started walking that night. I've said it before. I came in 30 days later, I came out with a six back. Fucking shredded. How did you do it?

I fucking H. R. Ange's chicken broccoli, green beans. That's what I eat, man. That's all I ate. I don't, yeah. So, I came back in, we did this movie. I played the romantic lead. I came in on my motorcycle to work at this pizza shop for the summer, and Allison was there.

The girl Allison now is actually doing really great in movies and improv and stuff like that. And then the fucking mean boyfriend that she hooked up with after I left the first time on the motorcycle. The last scene was, I loved you, Allison. I always have, and I always will. And then I kiss her, right?

So I did that with Dan, and I moved him for the kiss, and he did not back down. I thought he was gonna pull away. He didn't. So why am I? I'm convinced he committed a role. What have you kissed him before? No, I wouldn't call it a kiss.

So we kissed, but then we held it and I was like, I'm not fucking, you're not okay in me. This is alpha man. So then they just blew each other for 45 minutes. That was the right moment. I was like, this is who's the man. I'm the fuck you, you're not a man in me. That's so funny.

You're such a heterosexual that you have to prove your straighter by being gay You want to write it down? Yeah, I'm just cliff notes for the Dislexic people listening at home. You're shorthand and mallet out the people's houses Dislex like yeah, you have to be above average intelligence to be dyslexic. Oh, really? Yes. So you guys, the exceptions or how do you work with? It's the opposite of being Greek.

Oh, well, we're done. Love one fucking guess attack guess. I think Einstein was dyslexic. Yeah, Einstein was dyslexic. Are you dyslexic? See what's going on here, Jack? Come on. Oh, hold on.

Just be dyslexic. I'm out of nowhere. I'm out of nowhere. Yeah, dyslexic. Yeah, dyslexic. Yeah, yeah. How do you feel now, smarty pants? I'm not This lexick How do you feel now? I feel like I'm dumb. Well, no you just fat. Maybe you just Thank you

So yeah, we kissed it was a kiss, but he didn't pull away how long would you say you say? You've left for on his no. How many seconds were your time? How many seconds? A solid minute at least. You're right. You're serious. First of all, she's not a man. She's just like, she didn't know what time is. I got pictures. That has nothing to do with the Jackson. She doesn't know. All right, maybe 40 seconds. First of all, she's 40. 20. That's a light time. 20 seconds. 20 seconds. But that's a long time. That's like a minute.

20 seconds is long, but it's not a minute. A minute seconds is long but it's not a minute a minute we fucking fucking just can't yeah yeah yeah yeah we should fuck around yeah we should figure we should figure pop each other's assholes 20 seconds is that's a long 20 seconds was it was too long wow I pulled away because it was like I got to pull away yeah even though it's my show when I shouldn't yeah for respect for me than that I pulled away because it was like I got to pull away. Even though it's my show and I shouldn't, I don't know what respect for me than that. I pulled away because you heard the crowd go,

woo! Ah! Oh! You know what I mean? Oh, I'm weird, man. Wow, I wouldn't want to do that. But kiss it on the guy? Yeah, for 20 seconds, I wouldn't want to.

I tell you, it wasn't that bad. No, man. I have that whole thing in my act about that now. Yeah for 20 seconds. I wouldn't want it. It's hey. It wasn't that bad. No, man I have that whole thing in my act about that now. We're kissing guys. It's like guys have soft lips too Well, I mean if you yeah, but they got other things. I'm not just yeah, but you don't kissing that No, but I mean you're you're you're near it. Yeah, but you're not anywhere You're actually three and a half feet away from it. You haven't seen most people. I'm starving. I'll show you a foot away from it. I think you get it because his mouth is okay. Hey, can I have that? I don't know nuts. I just smell like fucking hot chicken.

Oh, it's in. You've never kissed a guy on the lips? Would you kiss a guy for a movie role? I'm safe. I was not about it at all. I wouldn't want to lie down in the lips. Would you kiss a guy for a movie role? Uh, I'm safe. I was not about it at all. I wouldn't want to make out. They don't do that in the Bronx? I mean, I guess there's a guy that I've grown up with

that are getting drunk and are a little, a little, a little, a little friendlier than I would like. I'm kidding. Stop. I'm not a friend. I'm not a kid. I'm not a kid. I'm not a kid.

I'm not a kid. I'm not a kid. I'm not a kid. I'm not a kid. I'm not a kid. I'm not a kid. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends.

I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends.

I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking about friends. I'm not talking 20 seconds. I've had like dudes like be like, you know kiss me 20 seconds, and we did it for comedy purposes. You're doing it for shits and giggles

No, I've had like I don't know if like if a dude I don't know it goes to give it see him and they cuz goes cuz you on the cheek Whatever and I don't know I got kiss kiss on the cheek. I think it's gayer I think a guy you're a friend come on your opinion to your being yeah, well not a hell yeah, you're from Canada You know what? No, I yeah that European country Very we have a European influence. It's a big European European influence. They're fucking stay a queen for God's sakes Yeah, open your fucking mind. They don't get this Lexi a man Stop being so mean. You're narrow minded and smart. And I don't like it.

Let me say it's in my lifetime. I'm sure I've had a man kiss me on the lips for like a second. 20, oh, 20 men. No, no. No. It is the man. That was a good one. That was a one night when you got a rest of a drunk driving.

With 20 seconds, that's a lifetime. It was a long, it was a little too long. Because you could actually, you could go away and be like, yeah, Dan Sotas a good kisser. Like you would be, you would be, we didn't let each other in. Oh, it was like, it was like, it was like, was your lip movement though?

No, we talked, we talked and held it. You know, if I, if I have, if I have, if I have, if I have a kissed him with these lips, my pillow lips is, I would have been fucked. He would have, he would, you'll tuck and hold. If I have a kiss to him with these lips, my pillow lips, it would have been fucked. He would have been him at first. I would have fucked that up. If I didn't, if I didn't tuck my lips,

if I let them, if I did this, you didn't let it go for one second? Just give him a taste. If I give him a little top lip and bottom lip touching, and now we had to know the movies when they they kissed the bottom lip Yeah, yeah, oh if I did that he would have fucking fell love him He would have quit he would have quit the business and moved up to Westchester You both knew to talk

Yeah, we both talked I wouldn't even an a thought of talking. Yeah, we both you would have been we both then Lipped it. Oh really? Yeah, we both them left it. There was no Pucker at all. Yeah, so you're the tops of your lips touched For us each other But I'm a lip and my bottom lip and my top lip and his top lip and my bottle and his bottom lip Tucked how did you pull away was there like a movie just like a final? It was just like no Just separate they just kiss. There was no but softly'd have to have to have talk to make lips It's just pulled away Yeah, it was like two vaginas if you put them together and then pull them apart

How do you want to justify it? Did you face is it? Did you was it awkward afterwards? No, oh really wasn't. Oh, our first second. Yeah. But in my head I went out and I didn't like that one. But there was a lot of, you know, fucking 100 people there. So I didn't want to. Yeah. I do, I do improv at UCB.

And you kiss guys? No. There are a lot of guys who can't because that's not a on stage. Yeah. To make a funny scene or something. Yeah. If someone tried to do that to me and improv scene, I couldn't do it. Yeah. I wouldn't get a head cold if make a funny scene. It's all funny. Yeah, if someone tried to do that to me in a prop scene, I couldn't do it.

I wouldn't get a head cold if you're dumb seen. Oh, you can say, guy who's like in the summer, you can say hello. Yeah. You got a blue shot. And no, no, but I've been in improv scenes where someone just like, they're not that funny, so they're trying to like do something and then like touch your face.

And something like that. I'm like, fuck me. Yeah, that's not a yes. It's a real. So if someone, if someone, yeah, if you're really committed to improv, don't invade my space for your dumb scene. If somebody, if somebody in the improv class was going to, you know, kiss you for the scene, you wouldn't yes and them.

What would you do? I'd pull away. Yeah, man. I don't have to. I don't know. I'm not, and it's not like I'd do it. I would, I would probably even pull away if a random girl Try to kiss me like I'm like

Weird about my space. What do you mean like if a girl in a in a improv scene? I didn't really know she was hot I mean a girl Yeah, but a dude I just can't do it. I don't know man. It's my space Yeah, I do it for the minute even when like you give someone a hug and it's too close, it's like, so if I hug you, I can't put my face in your neck. I'll just sniff.

I'll never do that. You want to make your friend feel uncomfortable? If you ever get my hug, just tilt your head, put it in his neck, make it in his neck pocket right there. I just kind of rest and, whisper I'm home. I'll whisper I'm home. I'll whisper I'm home. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I have no problem hugging it like a friend I haven't seen it a long time. Do you have a bit let me tell you some to it Let me I'm serious. Have you ever been held? I have this in my actual I don't hurt this routine. Okay, you heard it, but I'm serious. I'm this is work

This is where it's work me to our joke comes from have you ever been held by a man like a like a fuck you ever been held when you needed to be held by a fucking man it's awesome. I like a big woman holding that. But not like a film. Film wouldn't be good. But like the same depression. I don't understand.

Like a state of depression or like a state of depression or a state of being scared or something like that. Or someone dies and someone grabs you and without that slap shit and just hold like that a aren't like side to side to arm around Like a turn to the hug like a Christian and turn into the hug after that Mormon fingering is just over the shoulder. We all had nine jokes on that. Stop it. Like that.

Yeah, like a side to side. Like, yo, don't worry, man, you're going to be all right. The one arm over. Yeah, like that. Let's call the reach around. Dude, can I get that? I think that's something else. Honestly, I don't know.

Let me do it. Let me tell you something. You ever get a hug? You know, being held by a hug, you know, being held by a man, being hugged by a dude, feels better than your chick. Your chick is a smaller weaker around. John is big and probably don't get around fully.

You know, if you get a hug, if you got a hug from Phil right now and literally hugged him, you would feel, you'd be like, oh shit, that's, for what a hug's supposed to feel. Yeah. I'm not saying, like, I'm not saying. It feels slender. No.

Honestly, I've been, I've, when I hugged, I don't think, you know, that was the most sincere reaction. Phil, Phil is like hugging Mary Tyler Moore. No, I honestly, I have, I, I, I, I, I shut up, let him finish. My hug skinny dudes before and I'm like, I don't, it does feel weird. It feels like a bike, it feels like hugging a bike.

You show what you got that out and then then the Mary Tyler Moore. Mary Tyler Moore is the perfect guy. Well, to my body. You're saying you don't truly know a hug until you hug a big man. And till you get hugged by a man. A man's man. Hold on.

What about? I remember I got brought in. There was a special forces dude I met at a show once. And he was just so, hang on. Let me finish. For the show. Was it Craigslist? So we, you know, he just he's very he was just so unbelievably

Gracious, you know those guys when they see a good show There's something about a comedy show that they just like fucking thank you for making me laugh Yeah, yeah, because sometimes they forget to laugh with the fucking crazy shit You know, I couldn't imagine being in the military. No. The fucking... The commitment that that takes for no money. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, no, I mean, and you...

I think your body is too... And it's such hard work. I'm fucking going, I'm going away for my kid for two weeks and I'm fucking sad as shit. I'm gonna be away for my kid for two weeks and I'm sad as shit. And the only thing that makes me feel better is that I can kinda cope with it is that guys in the military leave for a year.

Yeah. They don't see their family for a fucking year. It's crazy. And it's not like I'm doing a Canadian tour, which is awesome. Right. You know what I mean? These guys go to Afghanistan and need out of, you know, of... Yeah.

MREs. Yeah. It'ss. Yeah. It's crazy. So, unfugling with, anyways, I think it's just amazing that they have that ability to make a commitment like that. And it fucking infuriates me how, you know, they, they should never want anything. No, yeah, it's crazy.

They should never have a problem in this country. In this country, they should never have a fucking problem with anything. Medical, social security, retirement. Yeah, so if you serve this fucking country and fucking sacrifice your family for other people's families, and possibly your life. And so, Lutley, just now, you know, and, you know, and, you know, and you have to do it in a fucking strategic way. We can't just level a fucking town like we used to back in the 40s. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Bobby, well, now we're straining a little bit. You're fucking in a cigar and a hat with a boat on a chair. You know, he was dropping bombs on a school. I'll fuck you. So what? Good point, no, that's a good point, you're right. You're right, so what, you're right. Let's kill some chockers, fuck it. Even like, can we stop with this liberal fatso? Nope. There's a lot of those programs like the wounded warrior. Yep.

Which is great, but I think if you come back and you're fine, you're still messed up. Well, yeah, like Nobody cares about those soldiers. There shouldn't be. There shouldn't be like the Wounded Warrior program is nice, but the government should just take care of you. Yeah. That's the fuck that's gonna be a fight.

We shouldn't have to do a comedy show at Broadway Comedy Club to raise 1,500 bucks for the Wounded Warrior fund shouldn't exist. They should just be taken care of. Yeah. All of them. all of them. All of them, all of them. Of course, health, like just have health care, it's pretty easy to do that.

Hey, and also, do me a favor, don't buy two of those planes and you can take care of most of them. Yeah, yeah, awesome. The blimp that just fucking went missing in Baltimore, you see that. It's a military blimp that's supposed to be able to locate other aircraft and they couldn't find it with the same blimp. They have another blimp they could find that blimp. They couldn't find it with the same length they could find that

they couldn't that's the funny thing that's that's how fucking much money they're wasting is it's most the military's budget is going on experimental shit that never gets used and you're right it's absolutely ridiculous that I don't I don't mind that go experiment make a fucking hovercraft with a fucking laser beam I don't know yeah I really have a you know area 72 51 90. I don't give a fuck. I really have, you know, area 72, 51, 90s. I don't give a fuck. Have all that secret shit. First of all, it makes great fucking TV shows and reality shows. And secondly, I love when it comes into our hands, fucking 20 years later, when we're gonna have a laser fucking letter opener door fucking. So, but take care of the guys. Take care of the fucking guys.

I can't believe it's even, you shouldn't even have to say that, it should just be assumed. It's fucking weird. I don't understand. I know there's a deficit, I know, I get all, but the fucking people that do that job, that fucking, we don't take care of our teachers, God's sakes.

Yeah. You know, if anybody should be military and teachers I think I can keep adding to the list over here, but I think military my god those fucking people what they go to and I mean if you you have a gone and done a tour I haven't you know any guys? Yeah, I'm DJ you DJ over and over in Iraq or some No like a Korea Japan. Yeah, this is not a panic or areas, but still it's still great. Yeah, no, I still the same thing they're still away from their families and it's still so much hard work and it's you know, yeah, I mean, it's a little easier because they can go fucking do karaoke and Friday. Yeah, chicken.

It's your dog. Shut the fuck up. I can go to. It's just a crazy job. Imagine wearing the same fucking outfit. Having a, I mean, be that disciplined. That's what you're saying out of the two. I mean, you think, because you think about, I look at all the shit I have, all the shoes, all the sneakers. I mean, what am I going to wear today?

Is a fucking problem with me, even at this size. That part team's kind of nice actually. Same outfit, no thought, you know, just throwing the cash. We're in the same outfit. I mean, I'm not going to wear sneakers. I mean, what am I gonna wear today? Is a fucking problem with me, even at this size. That part team's kinda nice actually. Same outfit, no thought, you know, just throwing the cash. But we're in between, no, that's the, yeah,

but it's like, you gotta wake up, put that on the same place. You have minimal everything. The space you have is small, and you're fucking out there trying to, you know, protect and knock you killed and make sure other people are safe or go kill motherfuckers and

pluses of the red tape shit and oh yeah I'm fucking believable man. And like the military like the Air Force has more money than the Marines and the Marines and then the army and then the Navy and the you know it's fucking crazy. And the crazy is part about everything is that when you sign the enlistment papers they give you all the like terms of like, you know, your deal And then at the end, it's like and the military reserves the right to change this in any way they see fit They have they have complete control over your life for any You're not yeah, yeah, yeah, crazy. I mean you never know. I wanted to be a marine my whole life when I was a kid Really?

I'm gonna be a marine. I signed up and everything and then you heard run DMC's first and DMC you're really raising out. No, I signed up and I took the test and I got like a really good score. And then the guy was like the guy was like, all right, so when you go to the Marines, you wear the clothes on your back and you bring $20 just to have lunch like that day And then after that day here in the system and day he's like all right, I'm picking you up at 5 a.m And then I called him at 4 a.m. I was like, ah

Really? Yeah My mom came to see me the night before as she was just like, you know, are you sure you want to do this? Like, you know, I know you always wanted to do this, but you're doing well in school and you're you have this music thing going. How old were you? 42 I guess 19 wow 19 why did why was it why do you always want to do with you military? No, I know nothing. I don't know. I just love like every marine movie

Ever like I watched likeoutoon and all those movies. And they did have those commercials that were like, and we were fighting a dragon. You do, you do. You do look like one of those guys in those movies too. Not like the main guy, but like the fifth main guy. Like you make it. No, he dies into rallies everyone else.

It's like, no, he makes it all the way through almost to the end. He's not the first dude to die, but he's like, and then he goes, we gotta do this for so long. So what did the dude say? He fucking screamed at me. See, I wouldn't want people yelling at me. When he said, I'll pick up at five a I'll be like, yeah, I'm out. How about, can we do like 10, 30 or do we need to like,

no 10, 30, 30? I thought you had a heart. I thought you were real. I thought you were really about this. And I was like, well, I felt a little bad, but now that you're yelling at me, I'm just, yeah, no, man. I have to follow you.

So he could, if he went the other way, was like, look, man, we really need you. You really, what he have got, what he, definitely yelling at me didn't help because, which is weird, because that's all they do. And you know that there's a lot of yelling in football, there's a lot of yelling. I just wanted to be like, I wanted to be like a crazy soldier.

Like I thought I'd be military for life, like really like, jacked and like working hard at having a career in it. And I left home my 17, because I just can't stand like attitude. Like my stepfather, my sister, were giving me like an attitude. I left home and then the guy was giving me an attitude

and I was just like, oh, forget it then. If you're gonna talk to me. I wanted like a nice, chill you're gonna talk to me. Yeah, I do. Like, what the, I want it like a nice chill. I could deal with discipline, but not like a snarky attitude. So if he's a passive aggressive cunt, like, fine. You don't want to wake up early. I thought you had heart. Whatever.

Whatever. If you would have convinced me, I'd buy what it went. You would have went. But he was just like, oh, I thought you had heart. You're not real. And I was like, can you ever see him again? You have to walk by that recruiting office. Where was it?

In Long Island. So you had to go way the fuck out there. And did you sign anything? Or were you signing it the next day? No, when they pick you up, you sign everything. Wow. So you were hours away. You were out one hour away from changing your whole fucking life.

Wow, man. And I was like, I think it's in a movie. Like I was like, when I recruited me, I was like, I'm DJ and I'm kind of getting good at it, getting popular. And they're like, well, we have music in the Marines. Right. And isn't it the movie like well we have music in the Marines The movie to put in the band was the guy who made Fahrenheit Michael He has a movie where they were crewing kids and they're like we have music shaggy was a Marine

I thought it wasn't him turn it's shotgun Shaggy joke I thought it wasn't him. Turner Schroger. That was a tricky joke. It's a good joke. It's a good joke. Thanks, I'll joke. What music do they have? What music do they have in the... I get it. We have like band swing music. Is it marching?

Do they have marching music? I don't get some kind of... He'll put an ammonia band or something. There's no DJing though. You have been in the Marines. Yo, yo, yo, check it out coming up. The fucking Taliban motherfucker. I couldn't handle it when I was a kid.

I was in beavers. Do they have beavers here? Is that a game? I'm sorry. Beavers like before Cubscaps were fucked up. Beavers, right? Before Cubscaps. How are you learning to cook?

Before Cubscaps. Do you guys have beavers? Cubscapes is this. Oh, Cubscapes. Beavers to us is pussy. Oh, right. That's really amazing. Just fucking suck on that first beaver.

So I was in, you know, so I was in beavers and then you go to Cubs. And I went to like the first day and the dude was like yelling at us. Like beavers was just like fun. Right. And then the first day and the dude's yelling at us and I was like, yeah like yeah I'm not gonna do that. Yeah, I can't be yelled at. I got one one yellow stripe on my white belt in Karate That's what we call pussy in Canada So have you ever anything nothing? No, I was in okay, you ready? I was in the sea cadets Did you have a little Donald Duck uniform with shorts? Yes, I did. I had the...

Oh, I bet you looked adorable. First of all, it was a cracker jacket. Is it an anthology? No, it was the... The sea cadets are like... Shut the fuck up. What did they do? It's like...

Before... It's like a little kid Navy, but like Coast Guard. A little kid Coast Guard. So it was in Boston. Oh, Boston. And we'd go over to Charlestown. And let's say I was getting into trouble, really bad, hanging out with the wrong kids.

So the kid up the street, was a few years older than me, had the same troubles or something before any guys Father put them in the sea cadets where you go There you go. You get the you get the dress whites. Yeah with the you know the little tie And the little hat you know the Yeah, the cracker Jack uniform and then you get the dress blues, and you get a, you know, and you go in and you learn about guns and ships.

And, you know, you have to learn how to do a military, you know, about space. Did you like it? Well, when I did it, I liked it at first, but then what turned me off one day, the kid up the street was really into it. He called me up, all right, let's go. We're gonna work on here. We had to do this. I had this big thing coming up where the whole squad of me and the people and there was older kids in it too. Yeah. So it was a little weird like me having

kids my age. How old were I was I had to be 13. Okay. And there was older guys in it, and there were just fucking dweeps. Yeah. It was just fucking idiots. Like, they were there voluntarily. Yeah, they were there. Yeah, like I was there to add to my mother's forces. Yeah. They were there because this is the Seagats.

Yeah. And then, uh, because they were dating. We were having a big ceremony where we had to do a, uh, you know, a whole marching thing. Where you march and you turn left and you turn right and about face and then you have a gun, a wooden gun and you do the military salute and you spin it and you so I had to learn this. And he took me to a park where all like front of my kids

I knew hung out. When I was coming up you hung out at parks. And your gang was a tough spark or a play-stead park, a car park, whatever. But I knew these kids, and I'm sitting there with a broomstick in the middle of the afternoon. He had a broom and we're walking. Two, three, four, left, left.

Just you and him. Me and him, he's going left, left, right, left. I'm so humiliated. I was fucking bullshit. I almost hit him in the back of the head with my stick I One point I was just gonna crack him just to make the kids laugh Just hi guys. I was kidding But we actually went and did this thing and you have to stand at attention for like fucking a half hour

Which you can pass out. Yeah, you don't bend your knees if you stand up straight For too long you can pass out. If you don't bend your knees, if you stand up straight for too long, you'll pass out. So I'm about your blood. Is that just you? That's true. No, that's anyway. Yeah. You have to bend your knees when you stand. You have to keep a little bend in them.

So you sit in there for so long. We had a winning. We won this competition. Wow. And then that night I celebrated. That is Percyville, right? Yeah. I celebrated all my punk friends

who were in self-media It's a partying so I just met him in my uniform my cracker Jennifer a little they immediately beat the shit out of you no They were laughing because I was fucking just getting smoking pot getting shit faced I remember we we ordered pizza and the guy came up it wasn't our house we ordered pizza We would order pizza to somebody's house, and we'd come around the back and be like, go dude, we, I was gonna go grab the,

and I'm gonna crack her, she can't, you know what trust me. You know what I mean? So I grabbed the pizza, but right back, I'd go around the, and I just run through the yard. But he caught Wayne halfway up the driveway, I heard his footsteps, he was like, fuck this, I stopped chasing him. So I was running.

And I remember one of the pizzas dropped. I had one pizza, like under my arm. So it just folded onto itself. And I'm like, I got away. I went over a bush. It's fucking scary, man. The only crime spree ever in that uniform. You'd order pizza to a different house.

To the wrong house. And then you walk out from the backyard. Yeah, we're just being the backyard. We go to a different house to the wrong and then you walk out from the back yard Yeah, we're just being the backyard. We go to a pay phone order of pizza Well go to somebody's house in order the pizza. Yeah, and be like yeah, it's just you know blah blah blah Suck them more street. Yeah, and we fucking just come pull out. Yeah, watch it pull up We come out he'd be go up to the front and before he get to do it, but just come on yo yo yo What's up? Yeah, just something I gotta get my mom. She's in the back. We're in the back apartment.

Yeah. She's also in the Navy. I'll take it out. Oh, that's a great scam. Yeah, I fucking, we used to all kinds of fucked up shit, man. I remember that. I remember the hardest thing we ever did as kids is waiting in front of the liquor store.

Oh god, that was the worst. I can't believe adults. What do you call? They do that fishing. We caught. Yeah, waiting for it waiting for, um, yeah, waiting for it. What is he wants? Well, I moved to Long Island. I can Lewis Lewis Gomez wants in on the fucking podcast. Hang on. Let me fucking. What? What are you just gonna cave to his demands? Yeah, why not? All right, let's see. You know, he he's gonna shitty phone, it's not gonna work. Of course, some fucking phone, he got in, fucking 197th Street, eight bucks.

Yeah, he fucking can't, turn on this off, sorry about that. What were you saying? I don't wish, it's a long island, like 10th grade. Yeah, and they'd be like, oh, we're gonna go 7-11 get some beer Yeah, I was like, I don't drink but I'll go to 7-11 and then they would just stand outside like dude you'd buy his beer Dude you buy my way what yeah, who is doing that? Who's giving children beer in a lot of people? Yeah, it's great I'll in Canada that you don't they don't sell beer in like like like there's a liquor store that just sells liquor and then there's a beer store

right here so it's not like 7-11 like if there's children how fucking dumb that is it's ridiculous it's crazy I mean that those are the things why other countries why especially America we fucking you bug us yeah oh yeah I love Canada but those little things make me want to fucking take your country yeah yeah so but if you're a kid in your hangout in front of him, that we do. I'm saying Canada's good. Yeah, we do have health care. I think we have health care. You fuck it's way too expensive for you. Get a job. It motivates you. All right, we want a party Bob. I don't like to. I like coffee. I'm sorry. Can you imagine though? So in Canada, if there's kids, 13-year-olds standing in front

of the beer store, there's no other reason. Like a 7-o-lebb, you can be like, oh, I would take it. You do that, that would do that. No reason. Let's take fucking given head for money. That happens. Yeah, well, I got two stories. Um.

What? What? Hey. But it's so ridiculous. Can you, would you, who would, what adult would buy beer for a child? It's crazy. Well, if you're a fucking alky and you're, you know, parting and you like to fuck kids.

I'm listening. You can make a couple bucks. Go on. Here's the thing. We used to, in Medford, we used to stand out there in front of LucasDoc because we have everything in one Oh. Yeah. Well, here's the thing. We used to, in Medford, we used to stand out there in front of Lucas Stork, because we have everything in one store, because we're not fucking dumb.

Or a civilized, but yeah, there's a couple things. Two shak. I don't know how to do that. Get my beer and alcohol being a, if you want to get drunk, go to the Get the Beer Store. But if you want to really fuck up your life, go to this store. What accent is that? That's my Canadian Moosejaw Canada.

You never built it. You never built it. You don't know how to do that. Oh, he did. That's where they left. Where Leprechaun settled in Canada. It was a colony. Oh, Shasha, Shasha.

Mabel's here. It's a tall Leprechaun. Don't make me laugh too much. He's the one I lean back. And people get my fat neck on the camera. I like to stay up front. Yeah, I remember that. We sit there and go do a few bites. They look at none of them. And then they go, one guy, they start, hey, hey, that's all you to do. Hey, hey, and they be like, what? Like, dude, just get us a, dude, get us a rack.

We'll give you money. If you gave, if you gave them an extra fennel, that's your five bucks, they get it, but you always run the risk of them just taking the money. Yeah. Because they come up and they're like, nah, ain't getting shit, you fucking pugs. We had that. And then that's when we'd fucking, like if there was five of us,

you'd catch in a beaten from five kids. Really? Fuck yeah. Oh yeah. You're what? 13, 14. 13. Don't leave me. There's nothing worse than fucking realizing you fucked up Fuck yeah, oh yeah, you're what 13 14 13 Nothing worse than fucking realizing you fucked up with the little with a bunch of look

Can you as a mate? What would you I rather be attacked by zombies than 13 year old? Beaten by a bunch of 13 year old fuck yeah, dude. I mean we're out we're out front the guy trying to teach us a lesson lesson. We spent all day getting this money, stealing shit, like bikes, fucking lawn furniture. We just go into people's lawns at night and take the backouts and take a statue of Madonna. And we go, there was a strip of stores. I didn't know you were such a non-depreneur. There was a strip of stores, the bakery.

There was two bakeries, two, you know, sub shops. There was insurance place and a pharmacy and a jeweler on one block in South Mecca where I was. And I would just go and eat store, dude. You need a Madonna. Oh, you need a Power Drill, you know. I'm getting rid of some stuff. You wouldn't believe it, dude.

You'd sell a rake. I sold a rake once for five bucks. You know anything? A really good rake. Yeah. Yeah, I can't even, I can't come in with something. Oh, yeah.

I kind of need that. Yeah. Yeah, Dremel fucking Dremel, which comes full circle. I finally got my own Dremel. And I, That's the Dremel. Dremel, it's a Dremel.

Dremel to me. I stole one once. What is the Dremel? Dremel. It's basically a little handheld tool that you can put different heads on. I know. Drimble, it's a dribble to me. I stole one once. What is the dribble to find? Drimble. It's basically a little handheld tool that you can put different heads on. Yes, that's the same tool. Okay. Oh, a dribble.

Well, you can put like, I'll... Oh, it's a little handheld. A vibrator's what you're describing. I like nepotism. I love that Lauren finally said something. I just passed on. I'm tired. I went too low.

So, no, you can put a little head. You can put a saw blade on it, a saw blade to cut through metal, you can put a sander blade on it, you can put a grinder on it. It's just a big... Sounds like you're trying to sell one now. He's doing a good job. Are you serious? Hey dude, it's not me, it's them. No one left. Listen, it's not me, it's them. No one left.

Listen, here's the deal. Yeah, but I remember, yeah, this guy actually said, I remember when he goes, yeah, yeah, sure, give me the money. And we were like, yeah, get us a racquetal and a thing of mad dog 2020 or something. Nice, classy. And he goes, he comes out and he's walking, he's even going to always be like, oh, you yo, he's like, yeah, yeah, you'll he's like Yeah, fucking you learned a lesson all right

Something like like trying like with that boss tonight. Yeah, you'll learn the lesson. What lesson? Like yeah, like you learn the lesson. I mean, you don't you don't need to drink you're too young or something like that We went fucking we were I think what I think my friend Franky my kid like you called the kid Give us that fucking money. You always step, give us the beer of the money you fuck, and he was like, fuck you, what are you gonna do? And we fucking attack them like leprechauns. We grabbed them and fucking started kicking them, got them to the ground,

started fucking stepping on his head. And he fucking, we took all this shit. We took his beer too. Yeah, yeah, we didn't take take we didn't rob them like his wallet But we were like fuck you. Did you tell him you taught him a lesson? I should have had you punching up my child We're gonna take a quick break. We're gonna come back with around a half hour 40 minutes of the you know what dude Podcast everybody in the chat room stay tuned tuned we're getting you right after the break

So get your questions ready for deep who's gonna be searching them We're gonna let people take a picture in the AC back on it's a little hot in here. So stay tuned We'll be right back after these commercial messages. Bye. Hey check it out everybody real quick Right now your season long fantasy football team may be going strong, but you know I know I know a couple of guys who do fantasy sports and You don't have to wait till with week 16 to get paid anymore, which is fantastic put your fantasy skills to the test every week This season the draft Kings I know a lot of you guys Out there do fantasy sports. So do this go to draft Kings dot com America's favorite one week fantasy football site. With one week fantasy, you know what that means? No season long commitment. You got

an engine player, no problem. It's like a new season every week. So you never get stuck with the same player. And get this. DraftKings is crowning a new millionaire every week this season. That means you could turn your love of football and sitting on your ass and eating pizza nuggets into a payday of a lifetime. Just pick your players, pile up the points, pick up your cash, and tell your wife to beat it because you got an extra five bills in your pocket to be in an ass watching sports. How great is that? She'd love you. You get a million bucks. Oh my God. Believe me. You'll never. You've never experienced football like this before. Never. This isn't fantasy as usual. This is draft Kings. The number one big boy on the block. So welcome to the big times. Hurry to draft Kings.com. Now. Use promo code Kelly KEL, and play for free in your first deposit. Okay?

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Okay. Enter Kelly for free entry now. Only at DraftKings.com. That's DraftKings.com. Everybody that came to the live show, I fucking love you guys. Thank you for supporting. You sold it out. Sold out show. First time at the village on the ground lounge. And we knocked it out of the park. It was an epic night epic show. You guys are the best fans in the world. So love you. Um, let's go back in the show we're back in. Is the sound gone? Uh, yeah, people in the chatter saying there is no buzz anymore. So sorry about that, people watching live.

We have some chat, we do have some chat though. We do have some chat, so listen, let's go to the chat. I don't want to hear about the fucking buzz. We fix the buzz, it's our fault. What's deep who's fault? Because he's video guy. I come in, I just, I'm talent. Right.

I'll take a hit on this one. What a dick. But talent figured out what was wrong classic talent unplugged things slowly until noise went away which fucking you you're on your side until that you're right you're very down I love that he made a talent of fuck off. Alright, what do we got in the chat?

We got a chat room going on, let's go to this, this is called... First of all, there's a deepu chat, which he hand picks, what he thinks, and then we go to the Bobby chat, which is just the chat, what's being said immediately. What do we got in the deepu chat? Johnny Orango says, a hug from Dante Nero, now that's a man hug. I agree with you, a fucking... what's his name? Johnny Orango says a hug from Dante Nero. Now that's a man hug. I agree with you. Fucking what's his name Johnny Irango. Irango. What a great name. Pretty is that his last name Johnny Irango? Might be wow. That's great. I agree. You ever get hugged by Dante?

Can't say I have it's like you're not choked by me. Huh sure it's not choked by Dante. Give me that it's right over here. I've been getting a lot of comedy advice from Dante Nero actually. Yeah, his career is going well. I treat comedy advice. Is it acting advice? I treat comedy like my bitch now. Now I love Dr. Zerasekitt band down and we can run around. I think I just have to twirl it now. Well, I agree. Dante gives great hugs. What else you got in the chat? Jules Frederick says, I'm going to assume Bobby's only

been to Ontario, where the beer store is a privately owned shithole. No, I haven't. And I haven't drank since I was 15. Please direct all these things towards a fill handling. Yeah. Yeah, no, I lived. I'm from Ontario, but I live in BC. And I've, yeah, been everywhere. What's that per this problem?

It's going on, man. I'm not talking to this deep of chat. My bottom. Oh, okay. I don't have a follow-up, so. Oh, really? Well, she got deep. Yeah, come on.

That was great. We should have a stinky chat band in there. Yeah, really. Well, she got black gospel says, I wonder how much Bobby and the rest of the crew know about hip-hop history maybe siph could test him I think that's a great let's let's do it. Yeah, I know a lot you said what dude I know where hip-hop was I know surprise was was invented by DJ Max light. I thought it was DJ her Yeah, who the fuck is Max Light? Feel got it. Yeah, it is. I actually just saw a documentary on that on him. Is he owns a wreckage store up there now, right? Cool Herc?

Yeah, doesn't he? I don't know. Well, there's like three guys, right? Cool Herk? Yeah, doesn't he? I don't know. Well, there's like three guys, right? Four or four four. There's a lot. All right. Cool Herk. Cool Herk. Cool Herk. I would say beginnings DJ Lite DJ Lite. No, no, cool Herk. Africa, Bambada, Grandmaster Flash. Africa, Bambada owns a record store, right? He owns a record store. I'm not sure. He's very much into music. He probably does. I think he does. Yeah. And the guy who invented the scratch was Grand Wizard Theodore. Right. What a name. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's the only black man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What is with the white hug? I don't know if they knew Grand Wizard meant that back then. It did. Yeah, that was a new back then.

No, they knew. That was like at its end of its height. Yeah, it's where Bobby and I met. I couldn't get into a hood. I couldn't, I'm circumcised. I'd have to have two clan outfits, fat Bobby, and then thin one, white leather jumpsuit, a white leather clan jumpsuit. All right, well, uh, I know what, no, no, no, I don't even want it over there. That was so bad. I don't want

to touch in it. That wasn't worse than anyway. You look just like my kid if I have one. Thank you. Not like really does. If I fuck somebody like ugly, well, hold on a second. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Don't ever be logical. Okay, Spock. Yeah. He really is my Spock, you're in the earth. So test me, ask me a question. Oh, jeez. I don't know. Where, what era? What a second era.

Second era? Who's the top five of the Golden Era, which is 86? Run DMC? No. DJ Twins. 26 to 95. This is Mike. This is Mike.

I got MLB Reces. I'm just looking at stuff in the room. I got Love of Boy Lights. Love of Boy Lights. And then I got DJ remixed a lot. And then, no, what, what, what, what, what, Aris, give me an error. The error is like 86 is when it's changed. 86 to 90.

Right. Salt and pepper. They're from there. Will Smith. We got Will Smith. Yeah. Madonna. All right.

Arrow Smith. Okay. No, but Arrow Smith was, yeah, I just met did change it. No, but you're saying thing everything you're saying relates to hip hop in a way. Why's that? Because you said Will Smith who's fresh prince, right? Obviously broke through

Madonna fuck big daddy Kane, which is a famous hip hop story. He is. Yeah. She fuck big daddy Kane. Why big daddy? Did he have the Did he have those glasses on when he fucked? He's probably there. And MCA didn't because when the Beasties opened from Madonna. Can I just say something? Big Daddy Kane had the same glasses, John Travolter, and a living in Jodhav.

John had on a twist of fate. Yeah, those are some serious ways. Fuck you, that's a good reference. Yeah, it is. Give me that band down to you, motherfucker. That's because you're 10. They don't know the reference, that's all. You know, twist of fate? I got. Yeah, don't know the reference. That's all. You know, that twist of fate.

I got. Yeah, Rundy, uh, Arles Smith did the solo Rundy MC. That really actually made hip hop, uh, it brought it over to all the white kids. Yeah. When Rundy MC did that video, it was like, oh shit, we can watch this too. Yeah. It was actually fun. It was fun because you think of Rundy MC, you think of public enemy, you think of,

uh, militant, uh, you know, uh the MC, you think of public enemy, you think of militant, urban, and you go shit. And all of a sudden you see them having a good time. You're like, oh, they seriously like- They run the MC was- They have fun too. It was fun music. It was fun music, man.

And that's when everybody was like, oh shit, and then that's when they popped off, right? They became huge after that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The walk this way walked is what huge after that that was it was the first time rock and rap mixed I'm not sure probably I mean the first person who's tested who yeah who's tested who what because BC boys was before before that no was the BC's wasn't before that that raising how came up first before License to Elle. B.C. boys was doing it live.

Apparently the two white boys of schoolin' them. You're laughing with Phil. Phil has actual knowledge. You already know white connections of him. I don't even know what you're using. Yeah, he's Puerto Rican. Yeah, yeah, Puerto Rican. Yeah, same.'t know what you're saying. Yeah, I'm just more Puerto Rican for jokes. Just American, just Bronx, more American. You don't represent Puerto Rican.

Wow, I'm so scared. Identify. Just an American. I'm with that. I'll take that. I'm not Mexican though. Yeah. What are you again? Greek. No would you call yourself a Mediterranean? Oh I'm Mediterranean American.

I every time I hear it I want to hit him with a microphone. I don't know. Did you make that up? Mediterranean American. It sounds like a type of cuisine. Yeah it's it's that too. Yeah come over to story guys we'll have gyrosis. Is there a lot of Greeks in. Yeah, it's tough. I grew up in Greek town in Baltimore. Oh, Greeks. That makes sense. A lot of Greeks in Greek town. I knew that. No, it's completely just a coincidence. I'm giving the Mediterranean bomb. You'll say, thank you. Debu for bailing me out.

What else do you have to chat room? Black Gospel says, name nine members of the Wu Tang clan. Me? Yeah. You got to restart off. First of all, you got, you got, you got, fuck it now. Oh, sorry, go ahead, Bobby. Now, come on, really, no seriously.

You know, you got, you got, uh, two, two. Come on, dude, you can do, you can do, do a thing. You can do a few, too. You got fucking, uh, wizard. Why, you can do a few, Wu-Tang. You know a few. I do. You know the top three. All right, I know.

He doesn't. I bet you know what, the method man. There we go. Uh-huh. Who's a dude on a way that arrested, what the hell? That's every rapper. Who's a guy who, who's a guy who, uh, no, who's a guy who just made the movies? He was the the fucking great. I was actually a really good fucking conformal. Risa. Oh, Risa. Don't be on my

Risa. Did you go to jail? No, no, no, Risa being racist again. Better man. Yeah. And then, uh, uh, one rhymes with Risa. Mystic Mike. You just didn'tic, do you? No, Mystic. He was the originator. He was going to put the woo in the tag. Oh boy, he's a little dirty bastard.

Old dirty bastard. That's who went to jail. Right. He went to jail. They did his film. I want you to know something about. They all went to jail. You have to say when.

They all went to jail. They all go to jail. Like most for reals. He's the most. Go face would say who he was right? Cause when they started ghost face. He was a mask on cause he has a he had a warrant. Really? Yeah. When we take first came out. That's

where ghost face comes from. No shit. Ghost fake skill. I came from looking at it. We're a mask. He's always wear a mask because he didn't want to get. Jefferson. What was that movie with Forrest Whitaker? Ghostdog. Ghostdog.

You don't like Ghostdog? I don't like Ghostdog. I don't like Ghostdog. I don't know. I know Rizzis. Fuck you. Do Ghostdog is so stupid. It gives you nightmares.

It gets safer nightmare, it's man. No. Do you ever see Ghostdog? No, no. Do you ever see it? What is it? Dude, it is such a great independent fucking movie about the hood and fucking Samurai For us Whitaker is a killer. I don't like that

He's just he's a fucking what you say in all your words urban now because we're talking about rap. Yeah, I know it was Whitaker Whitaker yo yo yo yo What first what the fuck Second wall My foot I would have a great on 98 98 for what's up you don't even know We should have a smooth RB just listen to Joe to see with our shirts off.

Great. All right. Well, I just don't want to touch it because I don't want whatever he has today to stay in the studio to see key. Just a wordy fucking hipster. Just you know, I think I'm just kind of throwing out topics. Maybe we could all jump off on. Okay, just look at me. Like I'm an asshole, that's fine. You know, it's not a cooperative thing here. Show his fun. I can't hang this up. Go Stog. Go Stog, first of all, the soundtrack's fucking crazy. But the moose, dope son.

But yo, yo, yo, go Stog is fucking, it's funny. It's good movie. But it's incredibly cool as shit. He has this little booklet that he kind of goes by the way of the samurai. And there's a lot of narration in it, which I don't like, I don't like narrative in a movie. Yeah. I just know that it's like a cop, I'll just write it, let the characters say it, let them

do it, you know. Exposition is that what you're thinking? It's just like, all right, fucking, one time. But the way they do it in this is actually cool. Because he's, and then it's like a mobster movie. It's like a, it's like a hitman slash mobster, slash fucking, fucking weird kung fu movie. It's a weird movie, but it's very independent,

but it's fucking great. If you, you should definitely check it out. and for us Whitaker is the shit in it anyones pigeons it's fucking weird man but I I love that movie you got to check that out it's fucking great flick what else we got? uh George Dizzle says oh shit a relevant black guy on the show shout out to He's not black. Yeah, he's not. Wow, speaking of relevant. Good observation. Jesus. Yeah, what are you not watching? Yeah You fuck that guy get that all the time. A relevant black guy on the show What other black guys have you had on the show Mike Brown? Exactly. They're relevant We had what was it do's from Philly?

Dave Temple Dave Temple? Dave Temple? Who else? We have Monroe. You never had Keith on? We had Keith Robinson? Yeah. We've had Keith on, yeah.

Absolutely. Um, I'd like to come on with Keith sometime. Yeah, I would love to have Keith on, but he, uh, you know, he'll come in. He'll just walk in and just trash, somebody's face and then leave. I get bashed. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Big pun big big poppy human beat box. What's that heavy D heavy D you get One more right I got one more you got this we got the more fragile pun heavy D. Yeah Come on dude DJ run he's fat run run from running. She's fat. No, no, you're missing the most obvious one. It's literally in his name run to his fat. No, no, you're missing the most obvious one. It's literally in his name. What's in his name? Oh fat. How big is? Yeah, kind of bigy small. There you go. Yeah, bigy small, but there's another one too, right? He did the word big. I don't like your

continuation. You're being a cut to me. I'm not being a kiss my shower. I'll be a cut. Well, I think you are. Oh, then fucking you're not getting kisses after the show. No, give me a little smooch You still got one more I do Okay, uh PM dawn He's fat as fuck and he lives in Jersey City. You get up early action Bronson. I guess I've roughly Now they have one hit what was they? Yeah? What was that rap song? It was like a hippie rap.

Wasn't like Spando Belly. Yeah, you know Spando Belly. Yeah. I forgot the name of the song. What was that song? Something memory or float on memories are... I referenced them at the table and no one knew what the hell I was talking about. Because, uh, Germain Fowler has PM Don Hair now.

Yeah. No one knew what I was talking about. That's a good joke. You think that's a good joke. What was the song? It was like a hippie love. It was really something you send me. Yeah, something like that.

Yeah, what is it? Why are you googling it? I'm trying to explain it. It was Spendabale sample. What else you got in the chat when we're getting this? Wasabi says, I don't like stop. stop list. Yeah, what is it? Yeah? Memory bliss memory bliss, but how did it go? You got it? Can you play a little bit now?

I'm easy. Yeah You got it it's loading We get old iPhone. What was that a four? You have a three you have a three You have a face it five like that's good yeah around six s dude it calls people it takes text messages okay papa I'm sorry yeah yeah that's brings me back man Wait wait for it to kick it Yeah, like a good song Are you you could finger fuck any Jersey girl? This is where you start kissing Lauren right on that then you lean in and he grab a city

Now that you run down Right on the cruise in the pike. Oh shit great stuff What else you get in the chat? Oh, what's obvious is I don't like stovs bouncer shirt. It's not for him Sexy so thank you Lauren. Oh, you keep saying that do you think stuff laughing like you're joking afterwards? Would you fuck Starv? I love you a bit now. Oh my god, that's what it was. Why wouldn't you fuck Starvv?

Why not? I should be a friend of the debt too. Yeah, I could be by proxy. Wait, I'll give you a sheet of maybe. Well, you're just lying to me. You know what? Guess what, Lauren? I wouldn't have sex with that candy to get through it. Here's the thing. You know, it's so weird because I'm going to say I'm going to get a fucking beating for this, but I was out today, I mean, you know, it's fall. I'm

in my backyard. I finally got my driveway paved, the brand new driveway and my back yards fine. You've been in my backyard. Beautiful. Beautiful backyard and the leaves are fallen and I raked a pile of leaves together and me and my kid, literally they're playing it for two hours. So all he wants to do is just be in a big pile of leaves. Because I remember when I was a kid, you know, leaves were fun. Yeah. And I don't remember when I saw a kid playing the leaves, you know, but we fucking were

sitting there playing the leaves and the fucking trees are beautiful and the house looks good and then we went out front we hung lights on the on the bushes We put up pumpkins and and and and and a scarecrow and and we put it We put a fucking blow up a pumpkin dude and we we've set up the whole front of the thing and I'm sitting there like Then I went in the back and the kid went to sleep And I'm smoking a cigar in my mom my bench and I'm like oh my god. This is the best. I am such a fuck I'm such I love fucking I love just being married. I love how I love being the suburbs. I love having a kid

I'm like I was like holy shit. I fucking did it. Yeah, you did me. I fucking did it and like I looked over and my neighbor was was moan as long and my other name I had his leafblower and and they both waved at me at the same time. And then, you know, Max was on the, like in my arms and Dolores, the lady next door, who's like the best lady in the fucking world, and she comes up and like, gets out of her, pulls a car, gets out to give Max runs down and gives her a big hug and kiss. It's like, I'm in like fucking the,

I mean, if they ever knew What I jerked out what the point I watched this would all come tumbling down Home meeting back to be taken away Nobody would say hi to me You know I'm just me in the back of my and then a shit in my backyard But it was fuck I I lot, dude. I fucking love it. It's awesome. And I've never, ever had any of that shit.

Like what? Like stability. Father. Father. You know, yeah, stability. Yes, the ability. You know that. Not real.

I mean, I've had a bunch of people in the spot, but not from here to here. Not from birth to fucking death. You have a dad, right? That's, I mean, Jesus Christ, what a dad to have. You know what I mean? I know you probably, I said, you fucking open up and have a bunch of problems. I was like, no, he's nuts.

But we all have that. Max is going to have, you're going to have that. Oh, Max will have that, yeah. But you created that. What do you say like that, yeah. But you created that, Matt. What do you say it like that? What do you say? Oh, no, they just make a conversation. What do you, I don't know big deal.

What do you say? I don't want to be a cont. No. You're being very, being a passable. I'm turning up the continess, actually. Sorry about that. Do you have a father, right? Yeah, yeah.

He's not the angriest of his face. Is he angriest or is he the greatest? He's here. Is he a Mediterranean American? Like Greece is a play. He's just a Mediterranean. he's a jealous huh see a greaser is here is he Mediterranean American like Greece The play he's just met it just a Mediterranean. He refused to become an American. Oh, all right You got kicked out of his citizenship test Really? Yeah, he's just cursing at the guy because he they he failed because he spelled Everything wrong like he didn't know the language

Yeah, is that why you're you're so you proud yourself on being like having some type of intelligence. So what is that some type of? To see how you get country with it like really proud yourself on being. I don't know. I just I really usually don't but it's just when everyone out with doesn't know words it makes me feel like you know what any words. What do you hang out with children? Yeah, I hang out mostly with toddlers. You're under arrest. What do you mean? I know, I'm fucking with you because you're dumb, but any.

Come on, everyone here loves Bobby too much. And none of these jokes are worth it. That's not true. I love you to death, Starvers. I know you're being like alternative country today. I don't know what you're trying to think. What do you have a new? I don't know what you think is. No, I'm what you have a new You know, I felt attacked earlier. What I don't know. I'm just

The balancer you can't listen to me stupid Don't if I asked you something and then you say something and then I go talk about it And then you go I'm just kidding. What are we talking about if you're kidding? Thank you. No, no I will do it say say something no no no say something or don't Okay, I'm gonna say did you feel attached? I feel this is becoming a real I was just I know but then I really hurt your feelings earlier. You did not seriously all right Well you see you is just being a cunt for the reason trying youth stuff, you know all right

All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, that's fine. You can be a cunt. Thank you But I didn't I thought I really hurt you feeling fine. You can be a cunt. Thank you. But I didn't, I thought I really hurt you feeling that way. No, you didn't. Okay, good. I don't want to hurt you. Feeling's poopy. Thank you, Bobby.

Let's have wings after this. No, I'm not eating with you. You're a fucking cunt. Oh, come on. But I mean, having a dad like you had a dad, you have a dad. Oh, yeah. You had dad's cool, right? Yeah, he knows words and everything.

Look at that. What about you? Yeah, yeah, I'm close to my dad. OK. And you? No dad. No dad. My dad died when I was like three. Is that a Puerto Rican thing?

That's dying. OK, dad and I knew I fight. You lose, Chegoma. Why is dad died? Is dad in a knife fight? Yeah, in a knife fight. In a literal knife fight. Sorry.

I was kidding. Now my dad drowned actually. He drowned. Wow. Was he trying to save a bunch of people? No. Was he coming to this country? He drowned.

He drowned on his way to this country. My dad was like legally blind. Like he were like thick glasses and he was on a bow and it fell over and he lost his glasses. Oh my God. And he was kidding me. Yeah, it's fucked up. It was like in a newspaper and everything fell over and he lost his glasses. Oh my God. Are you kidding me? Yeah, it's fucked up. It was like in a newspaper and everything. I have like the newspaper clipping.

And he was like, just didn't know where to go because he couldn't see. You couldn't know which way to swim. Oh, wait a minute, man. So your dad couldn't see the boat sinks. Yeah, I tipped over something. There were fish on the sides. Yeah, I'm sure that drunk. OK.

And then he's in the water at night or day. I don't know. I don't know the whole thing And it was way out. Yeah, it's like pretty far where was he somewhere like the Like the long island sound. Oh, could you read the clipping because it was probably on that The mom's younger. I read it like really so you still have it. You haven't read it. I read it I was younger. I read it like really so you still have it you haven't read it. I read it. I Yeah, I asked my mom recently like was is that true because my cousin called me once Drunk and he's like you think he's yelling about a bunch of shit and he goes and plus your father You think he drowned he didn't drown. He was in the streets. He was like gangster. I was like what was he?

Was he no, I mean he might have been but he drowned fishing. That's the one. Imagine if, imagine if like good fellows ended like that black mass, just ended like that. Yo, it was cool fishing. Just fucking drugs fishing. That sucks, dude. So was he a gangster? Was he a gangster? No, that has to be true. I thought that was young, so I'm sure he like, he was a young Puerto Rican in the 70s. He did some shit in the streets, but not like he wasn't

no king pet or anything. Right. Hey, fucking, my mom said he was the nicest guy. I always had people over. He drove an ice cream truck. Shit. He showed drugs out of it. He showed drugs out of it.

Look at the jacks I got. That's too much. Hang on. So, no, I'm reading this book called No More Missed Nice Guy and it's all about like, the big syndrome is I'm not having a dad growing up. And I just became a dad, so I'm like nervous. That's why I always ask about people being fathers like how have it been six months yeah so

I'm fucking nervous well as president of the deadbeat dad club you know what's your dad he loved he's gone are you are you president of the fucking anti-climactic club? Yeah, I'm just saying you're done. It'll be fun. Yeah. I Don't know that you did so much Well Predator monologue What the fuck is this? Dude, I'm telling you I'm a piece of shit too and that that's exactly my point, is I'm looking around going, oh my fucking god,

I'm the dad I never had. Right. That's fucking awesome. Is that your goal though? Nope, it's not your goal, it just happens because when you have a kid and you decide to have the state be around, okay, let's do this. You guys both decided, right?

Yeah. Well, no, because sometimes you can have a kid and be like, I don't want to do this. But there's a point where I'm pregnant, cool. Let's do it. And what's gonna happen, I think with women, immediately there's a connection. With guys, the connection builds every day. With with the kid with the kid. Yeah, yeah

It's like some people told me some guys were like oh when you first see your daughter It's an instant connection and when she came out I was like I don't feel You don't you don't I was like I'm gonna ruin this I get I guarantee this way that you fake you fake the whole thing where you go oh Wow I guarantee this way that you fake the whole thing. Where you go? Oh, wow. I don't really fake baby. What did you say when it came out? What did you snubbed your baby?

I don't know. It was pretty hectic. You know I'm keeping it real. I don't feel shit. No, I was nervous because when you have a baby like this, all these people rush into the room and they just fucking grab you. I had somebody.

I had some Asian doctor. And this,'m not even kidding you, we had this really cool nurse. She was in there, she was awesome. Helping the nurses are usually cool. In the middle of it, this grumpy black lady. She walks in, they need you at over and say, man, man, man, I'm so to take over for you. My wife went, I don't want her with a fucking head in her vatch. I don't want her. Literally, to her face, I don't want her. I want her. And she went, they went, they

got it though. They were like, yeah we get it and she would just go back out. I'm gonna stay here This lady came in and never gonna make it Baby is gonna die. That's not you your first Bleeding too much Dude as soon as the baby comes out though, I was like, wow, oh, you watched it come out. No, it came out and then I held it. But it is a fucking, it's a thing that every day you connect more and more. Now it's crazy. But wait, wait until and for guys, wait until he or she wait She's wait what she smiles. Yeah, wait until you're waiting. Wait. Wait. Do you really make real she'll smile

But wait till you she'll make her laugh. Yeah, and she and wait till they you hear DA Yeah, and then they start dude I'm telling it gets more and deeper with a woman it's there from the second Of course, but with a guy it builds and builds and fucking builds. It's crazy. Right now dude, me and my kid were fucking in the backyard. How old is he? He's two and a half.

He came out front, helped me with the light. He's helping me, Dushan. I mean, he fucks things up when he helps. But he's a baby. But he can't even do chores like two-year-old. Yeah, she and Michelle will, and if I can get the dirt, put it right there. She's filled half day.

She came up with an empty shovel that helps me. Nothing. I've been out here for 20 minutes to get off. But yeah, I can't fucking believe it, dude. I mean, you look, you know, it's like not having a dad. You're looking for a dad your whole life. You're looking for that guy or that mentor to help you. And then all of a sudden you have a kid, you're the guy.

And then there's no, there's no, you cannot not wake up. You cannot not watch the baby. You have to change it, you have to, you have, there's no way out of it. It's the first thing in your life, like the military, you said, fuck it an hour before. You'll never be able to say, fuck it to your kid.

You can't be like, you can't, you can't. And I know, the guy's like, I was, who somebody asked me today, I think, like, you think it's because of, you're not having a dad. Not having a dad that made you be a good dad. I think it's just instinctually you know what not to do. Yeah, I don't know if I know what to do.

I just know what not to do. Yeah. Me and my wife got a, not a fight. I was telling you today. You know, it's just the way I am needs to change. Like I can't be 20 year old Bobby with nobody in my life, fucking fight my way for everything I fucking got. You still have little things from,

like little habits from when you were 20? It's not little. No, but it's hard to make a bit, the business though. We're kids. It doesn't, yeah, it doesn't matter though. You still can be that way. It doesn Yeah, it doesn't matter though. You still can be that way. It doesn't it doesn't matter where you can you know you have to fix it but it's harder for us. None of us wear suits to work. We don't. Oh, sorry. We don't like it.

Regular ringtone. It's a iPhone 3. So. So yeah, so like we we're like we're young like at heart our job is like me people laughing some so I Don't ever like I went from DJing and I do comedy like I don't ever want to wear a suit I only I wore a suit on my wedding. That was it. What about a funeral? I don't know if you know At all not really really very rare I don't know what the two thing means but listen I was trying to go you I didn't know I understand me saying I don't want to be that guy either But I'm talking about being a dad about you know being a husband or a boyfriend or whatever the fuck you are and being a father It's like you I don't want my kid to have my shitty parts that were handed to me. Yeah.

I was going over, I was, you know, look, I'm a fucking angry guy, I got a temper. But at the core of who I am, I'm a sweet, really sweet guy. I want to help anybody give as much as I can. And I just want to fucking, you know, I don't care, silly, it sounds, I just want to love my people in my life and have them love me back. But I was given all this fear and fucked up respect shit and because at a very young age, I was, you know, stupid, dummy, asshole, stupid,

hit, whacked. I had to sit there and watch my sister at, you know, first first second grade, and she's in fifth grade being you dumb fatso, why do you eat so much? You're so fat, it's going to be, and I had to sit there because if I said anything or tried to protect her, I would get it. And then it comes a point where it's built and built and built, and then you can't take it and you snap, and then you realize, you can't take it and you snap and then

you realize, oh, that's how you get respect. Oh, that's how this work works. Fuck you, you fuck, you want to fuck with me, I'll fucking, I'll drag your face along the fucking pavement, fucking cock sucker. And that works. And it does. And the guys I hung out with, the kids and, you know, like I said, we fucking, you know, you should have that guy.

Yeah, you should have that lesson teacher. I remember the first time I really caught a beating by four men, and I was bloody head from toe, and we were walking back to the projects. My friend had a bleeding kidney because they kinked them so much. But I remember I was so proud of myself that I didn't cry. I was 13 or 14 and I'm walking, I got blood everywhere and we're kind of limping trying to hop offense and I'm like, dude, I didn't cry. He didn't, I was like, I didn't cry, man.

He was a good for you, man. I was like, yeah, I was 13 or 14. I took a beating from him. What caused it? What do you mean? What was the situation where you got beat up? We bought, we're stupid. We bought weed in the summer of projects at 12 at night and they were like, hey, you want to smoke with us?

We said no Yeah, we should have been a little more polite. Yeah, and so they did so is an etiquette beating it was yeah We're gonna be you know, well, we were gonna kick the shit out of you shouldn't be in here But you know smoke weed with us and we might not and we said fuck you and they said, okay, fuck you We'll take you weed and we're not, and we said fuck you, and they said, okay, fuck you, we'll take you weed, and we're gonna beat the fuck outta you, so. But yeah, it's like, oh man, like, I'm not passing that on,

I'm never gonna call my kid fat or stupid or dumb or anything. Yeah. That's why like, like even joking around, like people say dumb, you call me dumb or whatever. Like, I don't like that shit to like kids. I don't like my kids do that shit. No man. You know, I fucking hate that shit.

Like kids saying it to each other. I don't like it. It's like fucking like a, you know, I kids to each other. They don't know. But on an adult to a kid, it's ridiculous. It's bad. Could you imagine that? No.

My wife doesn't even like me talking bad about myself in front of my daughter. Yeah, I think that's important. Yeah. But I think everyone does that. But I see. Yeah. I mean, over. Yeah. I fucking comics. We always like, I fucked up last night or whatever. And she's like, stop talking like that in front of her.

I'm like, she doesn't understand. But she's probably absorbing it. Yeah. It's a hard thing, too, because we leave it. Like, I have to leave for two weeks and it's killing me. And that's why I have to put it in my pocket. I'm going to have to put it in my pocket. but she's probably absorbing it. Yeah. It's a hard thing too because we leave it. Like, I have to leave for two weeks and it's killing me. And that's why I have to put it in perspective

like it could be worse. But also, I'm home a lot more than the regular guy that goes into five. Yeah. Because he only has Saturdays and Sundays. Right. Maybe nights here and there. Maybe.

I've been home all fucking week. Right. But it's also hard too because I got to go leave for a couple hours and go write somewhere. I have to self motivate. Yeah. Which is a motherfucker, you know, because you don't have to do it. Right. But you have to. Yeah. So it's, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's amazing having a kid. But it's the, you know, it's that, that relationship I swear too much. I get angry I can't get angry in front of my kid man You get angry in front of the kid watch what happens they quiet down right they quite if you get angry Like if you fight with your wife. Yeah, you supposed to make up with your wife in front of the kid also

Yeah, yeah, it's just like you show like fighting is inevitable. It's gonna happen in a relationship But then show the makeup makeup sex in front of the kids, yeah. Yeah, I've not heard that. Right in front of the kids, yeah, you got it. You're really fucker, like you really. Give it to me. Yeah, time. All right.

All right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. The YKWD podcast does not endorse Are you gonna have kids? I think so eventually yeah. Yeah, what about you stuff? I don't know man. I have I had a weird What are you laughing at? I was a man how would count your kids are gonna be no kid be great No, I probably I don't know. I'm just so focused on trying to do comedy and that kind of thing It's ridiculous how focused you are. Yeah, thank you. No, I don't mean that as a compliment. Okay, you need to fucking I know you scared, but you're funny. You're funny, dude

Thank you. I get it. I know you doing what 20 year olds do Yeah, I feel like that's what I have to do though you know to your no one know. Yeah, I gotta get on But you don't have to say you can actually You can live life man. I'm telling you the only play look you're doing every you're doing everything everybody You're supposed to do when you move here plus you're funny stuff You know I mean so you you don't have to have that as a mission statement, you know I'm just trying I get it but you should be happy too and live life. I know, but I just moved.

You know, I feel like I got to get to this guy. I know. Look at here. I'm 26. Yeah. He's 26. He's already fucking, I know it is. I was the same way.

I moved here when I was 27, 28. And it's just fuck everybody. Yeah. Comedy. I don't care about anything else. Comedy. I get it. I don't know. It's hard to like feel like I could be in a relationship with somebody right now Because I feel like I'm just focused and yeah, you know, yeah, that's that's bad though

Cuz you can so be now, you know what I mean? I mean, I feel you like when I go to LA Well, I go to LA to have meetings about TV stuff on pitch and so hang on one second Deepo that's like in the business Well like I go to every meeting and I don't I just do like I focus for those two three days I'm there just hard core and I like, I could do this at home, but I'm home right now. You're not at home, you just moved here. So you're going like hard at everything.

Yeah, and it just like, I mean, I also think it's kind of a cycle which is just like, just how I am as a human, like as a person, like an emotional cycle of like, you know, you just, everyone has their work and their ups and downs and that kind of thing. And I just feel like right now I'm in a very, trying to get focused and trying to get settled in.

And then, you know, as I get more comfortable, like I haven't even lived in a, I'm moving into a new place this weekend. I haven't lived, I've been here since August. I've just been crashing on couches all the time. So it's been brutal. There's been no stability at all. So it's just kind of been like, you know, I go hang out, trying to meet people, trying to do spots, that kind of thing.

No, I hear you, dude. I mean, I, I hear you, dude. I mean, you're right. You should be doing the focus still on that and get your shit together. But, you know, you don't have to not enjoy yourself. I'm a, you know, dude, all right. Have a fun. What about you? Yeah, I don't know.

I'm close to, I'm really, I have a nephew that I'm really, really close to. That's weird. I would love it. Why is that weird? I don't know. Does that sentence weird? I have a nephew that I'm really really close to that's weird Why is that weird? Just that sentence weird I have a nephew that I'm really No, so I don't know like I love kids. I love kids. That's weirder Just a sexy little No, but like what you said when you were talking about today. I'm like oh my god. That sounds like the best

But I don't know it's the fact it sounds cool, but it just seems like so far away. Yeah. So much that goes into that moment. It seems like. Yeah, it's hard to have it. It's hard to have it. It's, oh man, it's so far. I mean, it's ridiculous.

I mean, it's ridiculous. Just sitting there playing in the fucking leaves. Yeah, the kids are always good. I mean, dude, it's fucking. Look at that. Wow. That's great. I mean, it's fucking ridiculous. look at that. Wow, that's great. I mean, it's fucking ridiculous, hanging with,

look at that, look at that's my back. I mean, it's fucking awesome. Yeah, it's beautiful. It is, but I never ever wanted it, never fucking thought I liked it. I just wanted to honestly got, I wanted to do comedy bang fucking checks. I wanted to get my decks, I wanted to have fun with my friends

and I wanted to do stand up. See that sounds pretty ideal. Yeah, that sounds great. It is ideal. Yeah. But when that does go away, when it's, oh, my point is it's okay to have this too. Yeah, it's okay to have a kid.

It, you know, we have fear. If I don't just focus on comedy, I won't attain my goals. Right. But in reality, when you have a kid, I don't just focus on comedy, I won't attain my goals. But in reality, when you have a kid, when you do fall in love, when you move out of your comfort zone, you become funnier because your world becomes bigger.

You know about things. You experience it. You can relate better to people. You can relate better to a lot more than just fucking pussy and topics. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. So that's like a cool, you know, pussy and topics. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds like a cool game show. Pussy and topics. Sounds like a great name for a fucking podcast.

Deep, fucking scopo would have fucking never even thought it. I'm like, what was that thing? I don't know. I thought we were going to name it FATSO. We've named eight episodes FATSO Chris. We're going to be right off. What's the chat room got? We're going to wrap it up right Chris. We're gonna be the idol. What's the chat room got? We're gonna wrap it up right now. What's the chat room got?

Hayden Spivey says this episode should be called Fireside Stories by Bob Kelly. You know what? I knew, I didn't... I prefer to say, I'm gonna get shit for this. Because these fucking savages in the chat don't like happiness. If I was like, dude, last night I fucking might have got herpes from a hooker.

A plus thumbs up. Click, click, click, like, like, like. I talk about fucking having a kid and playing in leaves. What a fucking sissy pants he is. Fuck you. Fuck you. What's his name again?

Hayden Hayden what what's his fuck read it the way you read hidden spy V. Yeah, fuck you spy V. I have I'm happy And I don't need you to okay it. Yeah All right, I mean I wish you would have a little offense like that A little defense. I think you're fucking mumbling cut. Sorry. I got to take a nap I go right now and you're fucking baby whale That was mean. That was mean. What else we got?

It's alright. Through your tears, it says. That's a weird name, right? I actually love that name. What a f**king great screen name. Through your tears. I hope it's just a f**king really mean fat joke to me right now. And that's where he got it from.

Go ahead. He says, once Bobby loses his show, he'll go back to his old ways. What's that? What do you think? What does that mean? I think he means that once a if, sorry, if the show is. Once if, you know, who's the cut now? SDR gets off the air. You'll go back to, you know, comedy and pussy. Why? There's no way. What are you talking about?

I I've been happily married for eight years. The show's been on for a fucking year. All right, fucking dumb dumb. Yeah, hear that through your tears? Yeah, well, dude, three of tears is what a dumb, well, you didn't think it through stoop, stoop it. I make more money doing my standup than I did on the show, first of all, okay?

And the show's not going all, okay? And- The show's not going anywhere. The show's not going- The show's a fucking hit. It's not for a second season. I don't know, you may be dead as- It's not the Bob Kelly sex. It's Dennis Leary sex drugs. It's gonna stick around for a minute.

Dummy. And, it's not like I have a million dollars. I don't have a yacht in a fucking townhouse and fucking the Lower East Side. I have a fucking mid-century ranch. All right, and Westchester. I'm talking about this. I got a good set up there. All right, it's a contemporary no basement, no attic ranch. It's very expensive.

Open the link. What's that? Open concepts. Just fucking say. Just. What's that? Open concepts. Just fucking say. Just, you're architecture. What else you got? Someone in the chat asks where Stav gets his glasses.

Zeni.com. It's a great web, I don't know, she's like, I'm going to pull something. 14 dollars. Wow. They look at it with the, yep, they do. Who said that?

14 dollars? Yeah, with the prescription. That seems like a crazy deal. And someone in China is getting fucked here. You mean a prescription? No, is that like Tom Shoes when you buy shoes, you get a free pair, you buy those glasses someone in China, it's fucked up. That's a hell of a promotion.

And American optometrist is getting fucked, actually. I don't know. Yeah. Oh, good, all right. Let's save time Don't have anything else cute up go to the regular chat right now first day greed it through your tears comes back I know I gave enough time to write something. Here we go. He simply says you're too happy, Bobby.

Too happy. Who isn't too happy through your tears? I really am ridiculously happy right now. It's awesome. Good for you, man. Whatever. It's good. All right, listen, we're going to wrap it up. Let's go around the room real quick.

Jack, you got anything to plug? Benders Thursday nights. Oh, good show, man. Can you watch it? Yeah. Okay. Like it. Nice. It's on. I have to see. I have to see. I have to see. The one that's in hockey team in the first episode. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know what? I love the one they went on the Christian. Yeah. A hockey team. Yeah. the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the it's in the seven hundreds on where I'm at what do you got time where I know I have Verizon were you fucking crazy I want to I want to do shat and T so to um IFC Marin same channel and then I sex drug season two next to fucking next July

blah blah blah blah blah to get back in it baby fuck you tears for fear as well as his name? Through your tears. Through your tears. He back for season two. It's the most season three. We're going to work this out today.

Oh, yeah. Bam, bam, spin off, maybe. Oh, fucking bad. Who does he need? How about his son? Yes. Spin off. No, you're not on there, actually.

He's not on there. I don't like, you know why? Because Bam, bam, bam, doesn't know words. Oh, no. But he can't be on his smart son. His smart, a tricycle son comes bam doesn't know words. Oh, no, but he's smart son is smart a try to see good fun comes in teaches him For his name is dyslexia. I'm so happy. It really does make me happy that my kids gonna get to go to school and learn Because from honestly got it from seventh grade until tenth grade

11th grade I didn't really go to school. I was in juvenile hall. So I didn't learn shit. So I'm so excited that my kid is gonna be smart. I mean, he always got a kind like, stop roast, I know words. People don't know words. Fucking, we're talking, we know words, dummy.

We just know no fucking Herculean. See, it's a great one, that's a great word. I can't get it out of my head. I'm trying to use it and I did. So I I know words go suck my dick. What do you got? It's got two weeks. I think so. Yeah, I think okay, so first of all good was Instagram. Oh, yeah Please at Stovie baby STA VVY baby, but here's what you got to do more you have to post more I know because here's the problem stuff I was a fan and and I kind of fell off. I'm sorry about that

I fell off because you're not consistent. I know the name of the game in Instagramming and podcasting is what? Consistence. Thank you Irving. Is that your real name? Yeah, Irving. Jankins I'm not going to be a big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the

big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of the big fan of. Um, the the improv the club that never uses me. Yeah, they should. Well, you find out why they don't use it. I definitely will. Yeah, of course. Please find out. There's the best all improvs are just the DC and just the DC. Oh, yeah. Um, and then 1113. I'm at the Keswick theater in Glenside with who? Tom Papa. Thank you. Yeah. Uh, always add the headline of your will. I will. I'm doing that. Not to confuse anybody. Yeah, I'm not a sell ticket.

Now we have split custody of you. Split custody of you, probably. Yeah, my two dads, Bobby and Tom. And then the baby grand, the next day in Wilmington. And then I'm doing some shows in Virginia for a cool cow comedy on the weekend of December 3rd through the 5th. Remi most fun. Those are actually pretty cool. I got a I'm doing

McGubbies. Oh, when? I forget, but it's in December. You want to do it? I'm already doing McGubbies the weekend before Christmas. With who? Mark Norman. Yeah, fucking cancel that. Well, I'm doing it because I'm going home. That's I'm not doing it. I just asked for the weekend. So to do to do. Why are you stuttering? I'll do to we get all hope you want Yeah, so we'll go cuz we you know we'll go to fucking I'll go yeah, all right cool and follow them on Twitter Twitter at Stop comedy

But mostly stoppy baby my Instagram. What do you got my special on comedy central on November 14th at 12.30 Funny funny funny man. You 12.30. Funny, funny, funny man. You are a fucking hilarious. Oh, thanks, probably. You're one of the quickest guys out there. Fucking, you're a fucking quick draw. Oh, thanks, man. And please follow my Instagram, Phil M. Hanley.

Phil, motherfucker Hanley. Yeah, make sure you're on Instagram. And Twitter. But yeah, please watch my special Comedy Central 12.30 on November 14th. Yeah, and put hashtag, you know what, dude. So we know as you heard it here. Yeah, yeah, please watch my special Comedy Central 12, 30 November 14th. Yeah, and put hashtag, you know what, dude. So we know as you heard it here. Yeah, yeah, please.

So we know that all you fucks who love them from this show, support them over there. OK, make sure you do that. What do you got, man? Me, OK. A lot of things. Shit, what the fuck? Here we go.

Da, da, da, da, da. No, I got a new stand up. Stand up. B song, like you can jump in the middle of. We some grooves. Why don't they, remember, they always do that in like a rubah. They'll be playing a great song, and then the guy will can jump in the middle of some groove why do they remember they always do that like a rubah we playing a great song and then the guy would just jump in them like DJ you know but out of it you know this we get to die we're gonna fuck it up I get it let me hear the song

now I have a a stand up comedy series what title which is a new streaming service JZ streaming service. Oh shit. Nice. So you're doing that. No, I'm out of town. No, well, I'll explain what I asked you to do. So the series comes out Tuesday, November 3rd. We shot it at the village underground. So thanks to Noam and S.D. for letting me endless, for letting me use the venue. Right. So the first one is free. You don't have to be a member of title. So it's title.com, November 3rd, next Tuesday, if you're watching live, if you're listening later on, it's still on there, so go watch it. And then after that you have to be a member. But on Tuesday, we also have a show at the Village Underground to celebrate the series premiering. And

if you come, you get a free three month membership to title. So come to the Village Underground, November 3rd and watch the show on title.com. T-I-D-A-L. Thank you. And what's your Twitter? Oh, at CypherSounds, C-I-P-H-A. That's everything. CypherSounds. I'm sitting back like this because my bell buckle is going to slide over my stomach. Yeah, it's hurting. Dude, thanks for coming on the show gonna slice over my stomach. Yeah, it's hurting. Dude, thanks for coming on the show. Thanks for having me.

Yeah, come back on. What'd you? Please. Great. Love to. Awesome. I'm downstairs every day. You really?

Almost. All right. Cool. We'll have you back on. Lauren, what are you with your Twitter? Maybe at Lauren Cabera, Twitter and Instagram. Awesome. You got some shows.

You should have got sexy Kelly, that's sexy Kelly. You got you got some shows. You should you should you should have got sexy Kelly. That's sexy Kelly. Is there a deeper what do you got now? I'm gonna say something to people gave me a seven minute set that he did the other night and I'm you know I'm not gonna play it or anything but it was really good man. Oh, I mean he's not you know I got some work to do. He's got apps to fight we all do but you know you're you know there was definitely some you know gold dust in there I suggest we dig in this area that's well put you gave me a lot of notes and I really appreciate that Bob so thank you for that and I also want to thank there's a bunch of people

that have been helping me get on stage lately. Patrick Milligan, Aaron Berg, good. list goes on. So thank you all for that on Twitter and Instagram at R2D booth. So thank you very much. Yeah, Patrick and over there, he's he's helped a lot of guys. He's helping you out. Yeah, getting spots at the standing room. Good for you. Good for you. All right, what do I got? I look, first of all, I just want to thank all you fans for listening all the time watching the video on YouTube. This thing has grown crazy, right? So here's what you do, subscribe.

And hit thumbs up. And hit thumbs up. Can we find out who hit thumbs down on like, there's like two people. There's always two assholes. It's like one dude, right? You can't tell who you're tears. Yeah, you can't tell who you're doing.

Why can't you find them? Why can't I find out who that is? Yeah, find out Slap the shit out of Teaching molasses We have kids Okay, we have kids we can't do it. It's a beat them slap slap One slap yeah one slap no, are you gonna hit your kid? No good mean either

But my kid better not give me a thumbs up and and tell people about it We're getting a ton of shit and my my Netflix special is Every fucking day my Twitter fees. Oh good what? I fucking bought your special. Oh no. Uh-oh. On your site, whatever. Thank you, man. I bought it, but I was in a rush, so you can't download it.

Can you download it? Yeah. Yeah. I think it's just streams. No, you own it. It's yours. All right. Goes to your computer.

So I've got it, and then the next week it came out on Netflix. Well, I mean, you. it's going to a good cause. No, but thank you for the point of that I bought today. Not for my kid. Me, you were part of that thing with me and my kid in the leaves. Yeah, you're welcome, but it's hilarious. Thank you. Thank you.

It's on Netflix right now, and it's fucking killing it on Netflix. Really? Yeah, man, it's good for you. I mean, I'm starting, people are like saying, saying hey I saw you special on Netflix right which is never really you know I've never had an hour special it was on Comedy Central that never happened but now on Netflix like people who ran to motherfuckers are coming up it's great you know I get recognized Louis, and then now it's starting to happen, sex drugs, which is cool, and now Netflix. So yeah, go check it out on Netflix.

And five star, that motherfucker. I don't care if you think it's a four star. Fuck you, give me the extra star. And I don't know. First of all, this should be a one star and a five star. I don't need three and four. No room for nuance in your life, though. Well, it was like, I liked it but I fucking suck right there.

I'm not clam chowder. You fuck. OK. It's an art. You like it. I liked it. Good. That's all in five-stars.

That's a five-star. I liked it, but when he fuck you, there's no butts. One fuck it sucked or fucking holy shit, five. All right, this isn't food. It's not a Yelp review, it's a human being, it's art. Yeah, fuck fuck. So, what do I got for this? So the fifth through the 20th, you'll be at JFL,

15th anniversary tour. Oh my god, if you're in Canada, you gotta get your tickets to this. We're going from Hamilton all the way to Vancouver. Oh, it's awesome. It's, I fucking love JFL and this tour is going to be ridiculous. Go ahead. Then December 10 through the 12th, you'll be at Side Splitters in Tampa.

Oh, I love that club, man. What, you've been a Conte all day. Why am I taking you with me? Because I'm just trying it because I love you club, man. What, you've been a Conte all day. Why am I taking you with me? Because I've just tried it because I love you, Bobby. That's the way I like you. I like I like a little precious. I love you, Bobby. I'll absolutely do it.

I'll see if tonight. Oh, do I get you in? I'm not sure. I'll try to get you in cool. I got to get you down there too. And then I get down. I'll get down there. How are you going to get to drive away?

I'm not to get enough figure out. I just want the work. I'm not having you suck truck drivers Right You run away What do you run away? Not Lizzie's, man. But there's two cops. Two cops, man. Dude, I managed to Kentucky one cop.

Yeah, I'm the jerk, the guy off. Trick to gaff my life. What else do I got? January 8th and 9th, you'll be a banana. What is that? Hasbro Cuts. What is that? Take that fold off the thing.

Oh, sorry. Hey, keep your headphones on, man. See, you would have heard that. Now you're in the business. We didn't give up. Bananas, Ethan, 9, and Jersey. My hometown. The eighth and ninth in Jersey, OK? All right, well, I think it's, here it is.

Thursday, I think it's December 3rd and through the fifth at the Gromble Goobies, yeah. You're not around. You're at that other place. I think I am somewhere. You're an ass. Oh, no, but I'll be in Virginia so we can hang out during the day. But you're not going to be on the show. Probably not. You're an that other place. I think I am somewhere you're an ass. Oh no, but I'll be in Virginia so we can hang out during the day

Oh, but you're not gonna be on the show Probably not you're an ass fuck. Sorry. That's all right. I see the way you're rolling just like Dan Just like Joe just like that at all just like oh wait Chris is still here Hi man here we go. Thank you go to robocatolive.com all my dates my acting reel make sure you watch benders on IFC on Thursday nights and they rerun that shit on Sundays. It's a fucking hilarious show man Done by Jim Cerberco Tom Celetti and all the boys in a possible fucking hilarious support that shit just go and DVR the whole series and watch that shit and That's about it. You guys are the best fans of the world.

Thanks for listening. And you know what? Dude. [♪ music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad.

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