Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Quinn, Murphy and the Crew

Episode Date: June 4, 2012

Comedians Colin Quinn and Morgan Murphy join the crew at YKWD's new studio.  Riotcast.com @YKWDPodcast @robertkelly @dansoder @kellyfastuca www.facebook.com/ykwdpodcast http://ykwdpodcast.tumblr.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un duvena que de madrinos lida. Númer'all. Hi, this is Colin Quinn. I'm here with Dixie. Dixie lizard here. And you listen to you know what dude podcast on riot dot com right cast out com thanks dixie i always messed up that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that Let me turn your fucking mic up. It's fun. Good.

Hey, guys, you're listening to You Know What Dude on riotcast.com. Wow, you really, you really didn't say your name. Yeah, you didn't say name. You think people are going to know that fucking depressing voice? What the fuck, Mao? Put some, all right. Put some, umph into it. Hey, guys, this is Morgan Murphy. You're listening to you know what dude on right cast calm

All right one more time more I'm more I want you to fucking give it all you got Mom come on right now all you got one two three go hey guys This is Morgan Murphy and you're listening Come on you're listening to you know what Hey guys, Bailey J here. As we all know, Bobby Kelly is super gay for my dick, so it was no surprise when we all heard that the Bailey J show was moving to the Rycast network. So if you like real conversations and fake tips, I'm your man. Literally. So listen to the Bailey J Show right here on the Ryecast Network. Ryecast.com

Hey, it's your old pal Dr. Steve. When I'm not kissing Bob Kelly's ass or diagnosing his awful rectal warts, I'm doing a program called Weird Medicine An uncensored medical show on the R Riotcast Network. We talk honestly about real issues affecting real people. What am I talking about? Questions about rectal cysts and dick cheese are hilarious! So if you have an embarrassing medical problem or just love to laugh at other people's expense, listen to Weird Medicine on the Riotcast Network. The time has come for you to get up off your ass and go see Robert Kelly live on stage. June 12th, he'll be at the Gotham Comedy Club in New York City.

June 21st through June 23rd, he'll be at the Comedy Club in Webster, New York. And June 28th through 30th, he'll be at comics at Foxwood Resort and Casino in Connecticut. Go to robberkillylive.com for tickets and information. Get up off your ass, go see him live, laugh your ass off, meet him after the show, and maybe just maybe he'll even sign your boobies. Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Liri. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Jim Norton, this is Dennis Leary.

This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Cricer. Staying cooking, you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what dude? You know what dude? This is Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what beauty? If the other two after the expectation of these Diet Cokes and the 10 tax mean Morgan

have got about our beverage, the other two Diet Cokes are Luke Warms this one. I'm gonna smash that. You bought that fucking new blue. Luke Warms fucking Diet Cokes. Because she's from fucking Australia where they drink their beer warm. It's an island of convicts, Colin. Put it in the fucking fridge, Kelly. I'm gonna smash that oot over your head.

Do you mind ice? Can you get ice and ice cup ice? Yeah. We've got stairs. Cup ice to go. Will you do that, Cal? Kelly, put the fucking coat down and go get the... Do you know what happens when he loses his shit?

She's walking up. Oh, Jesus. Kelly! Oh, my God. Poor Kelly. Poor Kelly. Oh Jesus Poor Kelly poor Kelly I told her I said wait till she leaves I Told her I says I says what is calling one for a drink? Just die coke. I'm just gonna there. I go. I'll just get on to get him a die coke whatever. I go now If somebody wants a specific thing get him a specific Mightly he's a weirdo with coke. Should you get him a Pepsi get him a can mm. And now she fucked up She got you I'm apologizing

I don't like the the fucking Argentinian Eric McCormick who's taking pictures video What's your name dude? Phil you don't like him? Why'd you have to start it? I the whole line was just for the reference anyways and you had to start with I don't like him? Why do you have to start it? The whole line was just for the reference anyways and you had to start it with I don't like. You could have been like I'm a big fan of. That would be as funny as I said I don't like the one with this crowd he kidned me. Why is that I'm a big fan? They'd be like what the fuck? I'm kind of pushing you all in. Phil I appreciate it. So you know you just take videos and if something gets heated to hit the uh...

record and then take some photos never take a photo for me underneath though always above fill have a slice yeah have a slice buddy yeah fucking best piece in the world uh... my mind doesn't have a splinter my ice coffee we should fire

you know what i asked for sweeteners well i do you know i want to be this guy i want to say right now, but I asked Sugar specific I asked for a sweetener and generic just whatever I don't even care flat out sugar. I don't want Splenda I fucking apologize. I really do to my American brothers and sisters. Yeah, I fucking Apollo so many options These so many options and sweet is welcome back to beverage cast Hey, everybody we're talking about hot beverages today The column's gonna jump in later with a cold beverage lukewarm beverage. I'm gonna I want to play one of those woods during this whole thing

Just strum it softly. I guess we shouldn't fuck that shit. I'm fucking. Oh, no, this is like expensive shit I guess we shouldn't fuck that shit though. Oh fucking no. Now this is like expensive shit. This is it. There's Kelly. I'm gonna put the lights out a little bit. Keep it cool, is that cool? Yeah.

You like it a little better? I like it like this. Romantic. It's nice, right? Yeah. I love that you took Dan City and he just coward. I know. I can't believe that.

Dan, yeah. He obviously is under the mistaken impression. I'm a still a star. He took your seat. I'm I I'm off in it back to him though, and you know what? I told him you guys are you guys are very good friends and you should look at each other Is it awkward? No, but I'm just gonna do this. I'll stare at Phil. I'm gonna mash my face And this is our this is comfortable. We had the camera guy yesterday was your wife Kelly. Joe Gage. Joe was here yesterday Australian guy No, he's he's Gage. Joe to Roza. All right Kelly. Oh, she's like this. Did she slam it down? She did

She's secretary on her last day Thank you. Is there regular sugar Kelly do I she's done with this abuse I'm gonna let you take care of this damn Australia is a very scrappy We're recording. I always hit record beforehand Australia's don't start a lot of shit, they don't take shit. Yeah, because they got cast off to a fucking island. Yes Listen, and that's what they try to act so cheery. It's almost okay

You ever put down a cup of front of mr. Quinn like that again You can take that microphone and walk away. I love the fact you did it. But let's be honest. You did do it You slammed it down in front of Colin. And then she slammed it down and then spun on her heel and walked away like, like, hey, you know, jerk off. She really didn't do a Nazi turn when she put their coffee to her. It's like when Ava Braun was really angry and hit her one day. He's like, Oh, I asked for a sweet.

I love Colin. I would never do that. Thanks, Kale. You did it. Uh, then that cheery accent makes her sound like she's still happy Was in can you pass me a sweet no Crocodile Bob goes to Morgan you pass me a sweet news just going to be sweet no

I know I know I know I said moly and deaf ass. I was in oh Jesus. I'm sorry. That was a tough one Um, I remember you were I was in Kroger, London too Yeah, I met all those Australians on the set and it was so funny because There's so that well first you know the story of my true arrogance With the car learned a dozen of that afterwards. Can I do your line? Yes Where we're going I'm in That's it. It was the best line in any movie where we go and I'm in yeah I Just to show up on the set first of all despite the fact that I had one line you would have thought I was one of the co-stars

The way I The way I felt. Not the way you were treated, just the way you felt. Yes, all the way I was treated too, actually. They put me on this rule. You know, it's just got to show if you think you're a big shot, they sort of treat you a little bit. So I show a Paul Hogan is like, down to earth, you know, like all the teams just are on the set, so like, you know, you never touch any of the front. All the Australians are so like, down to earth, they just start moving all the front and you're moving shit. And they're like, yeah, you know, you never touch any of the front. All the Australians are so like down there. They just start moving all the furniture, moving shit.

And they're like, yeah, you're not supposed to. Now, yeah, they set up a barbecue. They start cooking. He's taking hot dogs off the team. So this barbecue grill, you know, like Australians, they're just, they're drinking with them every night. And they're like two hours early. You know, you, you know,

O'Villais, American coming in like all hung over. It was just a real Australian like wake up for everybody. But what happened was when I first got the script, I was doing stand up for like two years, but I was like semi doing good in New York. So I was like a big fish in a small pond, but I thought it was a big fish in a big pond. So they sent me the script. But what you know, the first movie was like a big hit. So they sent me the script for part two and I have one line So what I did was I rewrote the whole movie. I'm sure I've done it. Yeah, you don't be the I rewrote the whole movie With Paul Hogan being led around New York by you by somebody else a

New York-wise guy and I actually handed it back in to them and so give this to the director I think this is more New York than the script you wrote and handed it back in to them and so give this to the director I think this is more New York than the script you wrote and handed it back in to the director and it's got John Cornell and I said give this to the guy because this is you know more New York it's like I grew up here so this just like a shit I had my poor girlfriend across the street typing it up fucking hand it in and thank God they didn't find me for my one line for that. They're like, hey, hey guys, where you going? I'm in. I went from, he went from, hey guys, where you going?

I'm in to rewriting the script. Do you understand? It's like, I know that you're nervous. It's like, I know you're nervous, because it's like a cute story. It's like, it's super, it's almost so serious. That's like a story that you don't tell about yourself as a story that 20 other people tell about you.

Yeah. When he leaves the room they go, How did you know? There's an activity guy, he has one line, I'm sitting there like in the director's chair And I get a script had it to be but who the fuck is this guy? Who's that time that story's told it's not like guess what I did even Paul Hogan who's like probably super nice is like It was a great movie, I had the script and then he saw that guy We wrote the script and you're not calling Quinn you're that guy That guy and the person would aggravated me the most about the story these two fucking koala bears

Whoa whoa I am American man. You with them with a fucking story. They were like they didn't know either to go fuck you They needed Mo and me to go, you fucking idiot. To go, oh, that was a bad story. They were like, is that what you do on the set? Well, it's because a story like that, if you do something like that, you usually don't also have the self-awareness

to tell that story. Like, you do that because you don't have any perspective on when anybody thinks to you. No, you took me a few years to understand what a jackass I truly am. All right, here we are. Let me introduce the show. I dare do that.

We usually start the show. You listen to, you know what, dead podcast. You know what, we got, we got Dan Soda, AK Monster Voice. Hello, Bobby. Kelly, Fistuka, AK, fat Kelly. I just love saying it. She used to be fat.

She's a good now though and we got Fucking Morgan Murphy back on which you did one with me back in the day when it was just Me me doing it at my house, right? Yeah, and then we have Colin Quinn who is actually the original dude who did it with me back in the day Colin Quinn and Robert Kelly at some time was Colin Quinn. So that's it.

That's all I get that other way. I'm excited that you're back. It's kind of bugging me that Mo, I don't know if you've noticed this Quinn. You guys don't know it. You got kind of sexy, something happened. Like you're looking like fucking hot. Like your hair and your thighs and your titties

and your leather jacket, your pleva, your hips to look, you got a John Joseph Duggery shirt on. I'm always sad I'm sure I've been wearing, okay. Did you fuck John Joseph to get that? She looks like the wife of someone that leads a band or like a guitarist in a band. Like a successful band. Oh, fun. Yeah, you look like the wife that's like, kind of or like a guitarist in a band. Like a successful band. Oh, fun. Yeah, you look like the wife that's like, you know, she's been there from the beginning. Yeah, the twat that could ruin it because she wants to come out and sing too.

Like, she's gonna play the fucking tambourine and we'll move on. I know it's so nice to look like someone who's with someone important. So it's a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. Dan's a Colorado sexist. Well, hey, not fair, but in Colorado women do know their boys. You know what she does? You know what she looks like? Like the Jennifer, like the real version of the Jennifer

Anastasia character in Drockstar. Oh, okay. You know my favorite movies. What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? She's just pulling balls. She's just pulling balls.

She's just, she had enough of the coffee at the beginning. How fucking beautiful. She's just fucking yanking wires out of the back of the... Look at the wire in the computer. Okay. There you go, Kelly. That really did look like a renegade move. You should have did it in the beginning.

Yep. Do you remember that? Kelly, why are you not here? We were in the beginning. I was getting eyes. Oh, there you go. Nice. I see the passive aggressive shit.

Can you pit? I know this is a horrible, can you pass me one of those pikes? Yeah, can you give my fucking eyes melt, Kelly. Kelly sucks, you suck today. I'm picking up the slack on this one. I'm security in now, the assistant. Thank you for opening the door. I just get very helping Colin.

I do what I can. Jesus Christ. Jesus. You know, I think it might be Bobby. You know what, your wife waxed my eyebrows. I think that's what it is. Nice. Did you have pushy, like, what kind of eyebrows did you have?

I just had one solid monobrow. That's it, that's why. But there's something different with you. It's the way she's dressing. I was a little bit miserable in the last time you saw me living out here. I mean, no, you still have that. I'm not that I'm a big, I'm a shining bruh.

You still miserable. I mean, trust me. You still have the shit energy of a fucking, of a flu. Yeah. Energy of a flu. But you, there's something about you. I mean, the shirt and the thing is open and you wear it in a wife's feet. Are you titties and you have thighs.

You look different. You don't, people listening to this are gonna think that I've like, you're gonna be dressed. You're gonna be pushed out, you're just fucking, I'm wearing a t-shirt, a denim shirt, a jacket, a pants. You look at, you, you, I'm like, maybe you're dressing a little more rock and roll.

You used to dress a little more hip-ier, like a little hip-ier. Yeah, a little, you had a lot of earth tones before. I don't know how a big fan of earth tones. Yeah, you're a little, you're dark and kind of mysterious. Yeah, you were wearing some tight little, like little fucking jeans slacks, what they call slacks. Yes, tight slacks. You got some new jewelry on, some mystical jewelry,

some Game of Thrones jewelry. I don't know. I'm not out of my mind, Quinn. I know. She's always been sexy, but you're right. She's dressing more like rock and roll So it's a little something going on with her a little more something sexy going on don't get fucked up But take it take it the good way. I mean it sounds like you're appraising or like she's gonna about to be bred with She's got nice firm. She also mentioned I'm a comedian

nice firm. She also mentioned I'm a comedian. She's one of the funniest women comedian. My wife waxed the back of my neck. She waxes my ears now. Yeah she told me because we broke the wax out in your house. Yeah friends with her. Yeah no that's my fucking wife. She doesn't tell you shit She's not supposed to tell you secrets it's a calm down take which is how the Couple is Is the first thing you reveal on a podcast you put on the internet consider to secret You were just announcing it well no here's a thing I I can announce it but she's not supposed to announce it. Do you understand? Yeah. Does that make sense? Sure. I don't want her telling you that I wax my ears.

She told us. She told me she waxes your ears. Yeah she does wax right? Listen here's the first thing. She waxed the back of my neck. I had a few hair. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy.

I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy.

I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. That's how pimples go away every time you get a full No, you just probably have some ingrown hair. Do you have some laser? I you know I laser do you blink anymore? What happened to more what the fuck who's in you? What did they do to you? I haven't seen you in a long time So I'm making eye contact this nice. It's from L.A. She's a little happy

She was depressed riding on the shows and all this shit Which shows when she was riding on, comedy writers don't dress nice. So she was dressing down because she was a comedy writer. But I'm writing on TV still. What are you writing on? I write on two broke girls, sitcoms. Oh, yeah, but that's different. Why is that different?

I don't know. I just wanted to win the yoke. I don't know. I don't know. I just want to put your mic. Eat your mic, Colin. Eat the mic. No, not down. He's really gonna eat it Bobby Don't don't dare him to do that

That was a fat joke I'm all aware Bobby and Colin finish a finish a pizza right before we start we raped that pizza here's here's the scary part I'll eat another one. There are no more. Phil, I could. Phil did eat that pizza and you gave it to him, not just like, yeah, I have one and we were both thinking, I don't have it, but you went for it. We're glad Phil had one.

I'm not, because I felt bad about it. It's the main the Eric McCormick. Oh, oh, what are you doing? Easy five o'clock shadow. I don't like that he fucking got serious room. Hey, it's right here fatty Well, Kelly was supposed to have a slice too. Yeah, that's a guy. She does. She's playing. Um, why are you playing coy? I'm not what shut up. Oh, she's fucking up Fucking up on the ice

I told the little Australia and you guys have a go to Australia How come nobody's been to Australia doing comedy except like Keith Robin How come only the black comedies get to go to Australia? Everyone's gone the last couple years. I feel like that's a big new way of everyone goes It's a novelty because then I have black comics in Australia. I have I've always wanted to go to Australia Yeah, they won't they won't they won't ever pick me to go to the fucking festival now It's the best I love the festival. It's always when is the festival? It's in April, the month of April. Good, it's... There's never ever ever pick me, ever ever ever pick me to go to that festival.

And I've known every... But Keith went twice, didn't he? Patrice went, Big J went, didn't Big J go? And Marina went. How the fuck does that happen? Maybe like how the four-dude, Bobby? What the fuck you talking about? You're gonna Ford, man, it was just that the improv in Kansas City. Maybe I can't afford you Bobby. What the fuck you talking about? You know Ford man was just at the improv in Kansas City.

You know Ford me. You know what you have to do is brisket and pulled pork. I'm there. I ate so much barbecue and fuck it. I was the greatest off the rail. Kansas City is the greatest. I mean, I really shuff here. He was at the other club. I brought him, you know, Iry. I like him. He was, haha. Thank you. You're welcome. Just saying that you like him. He's, I mean, he's pretty much looks like a Jewish guy. What? Auri? I bring him to just a cul-de-sac of red necks.

Oh, yeah, they fucking- The guy says to me the next day, I'm really glad you bought airy man. I never met anybody like him He walked in I was like wow, what's this? Oh And I was like oh Like he was being genuine though like I never met a Jew like a real Jew Jew that look like a Jew I'm really Jewey. I mean he's not so much, but he's like tamutically studied Jewey He's not so much, but he's like, Tammutically studied Julie. Okay, Colin Tuller to dumb that shit down.

We know she's writing for TV. Tammutically is not gonna fly. I don't know what to talk about. I think it's, I'm gonna go ahead. Sorry, I apologize. Yeah, we fucking chowed. I ate so much pulled pork. And I had a big, I had a big plate of it.

They sent home with me, back to my hotel room, no refrigerator, no fridge, no microwave. They had a little one in the, like a lobby somewhere. So you had to finish it. No, I fucking left it in the bathroom and I turned the lights out because it was cool in the bathroom for a day and a half. And then you ate it?

You should've thrown some ice down there. Let me tell you what I did with that. I thought she, it was around two. I was like, I'm not gonna eat it. I'm just gonna knock an eat, I'm gonna throw it away. I'm not gonna do it around two o'clock in the morning. I started getting hungry and I started getting fucking sad and lonely and all that shit. I took that plate, I walked down 10 floors,

I took the elevator down, walked through the lobby and I went and I found a little microwave and I took the tinfoil, I sat it for five minutes in my sweatpants and a t-shirt. This is the only part that made me feel better, it was around eight fat chicks at a convention. They were all in their sweatpants and they were all cool things with their little teddy bears, and they were all just talking to one gay dude, and they were all just going on and on, and I got, I think it was bad. We need to get together, I'm on.

And then all of a sudden, yeah, they come up with this. They come up with the brisket. They went dead silent. Did they look at you like the dogs and the omen? They all fucked. All of a sudden, I'll just turn and look to Bobby. I, you heard nothing.

It just, it just went silent. And I was like, I didn't even know what the fuck happened. I just knew something was different. And I just heard, I didn't even know what the fuck happened. I just knew something was different. And I just heard who we are. And then one of them goes, do you smell barbecue? Ha ha ha ha. That's it.

It's barbecue, that's what happened. I walked out. They're all looking at each other and to eat, like every other one is turned into like a cartoon steak. Yeah. They all look like lumps of brisket with the clothes on. I was, I was, I was, I was. was i had to turn that corner like i was just a fucking roomful of amp

yeah really or like zombies that are fucking slowly starting bobby run it was such a fucking moment and i walked through them and they would just dead quiet and then you heard ding uh... i was fully expecting to get to the tenth floor and just all eight of them and then you heard ding, and then you heard little, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so,. Yep. So did you take it out? Oh, this sounds like a five day like you were stuck somewhere.

Sorry, this is, oh, the meat was for a day. And the meat was there, yeah, with no refrigerator. No, but I'm saying, did you take it out of the shower and then shower and put it back in? No, I left it while I showered. Where? In the thing. In the tub?

No, it was in the kitchen. So it got all hot and steaming. Steaming on the counter. So you get all steaming from the shower? I don't know. I didn't check it. I only checked it when I ate it. When I brought it downstairs. And it was fucking delicious. Steams on the counter so to get all steamy from the shower. I don't know I didn't check it Only checked it when I ate it when I brought it downstairs and it was fucking delicious

No the spicy sausage pulled pork Chicken chicken I really didn't fuck with but the pulled pork it was a a fist a Fist full of pork ass a lump and then spicy and then the beans with the sausage in it and Then a spare rib. I mean, oh my fucking god Oh my god, and this is what I did this is what I did I used to I used to do it when I was fat the last time I used to get a towel and just put it over my fucking You know just the bed and my stomach just a towel. That's what I did I got on the plane Monday morning What do you mean you get a towel? You get a towel You know instead of getting that stomach as a table

You know like a tablecloth You can fluff sit out like it's a nice He's like oh, this is a white tablecloth. Oh, hilarious. Oh, that food is so sad. I got, oh, it's the worst. I got on the plane the next day on the little plane, you know, with just one seat and two seats. And I get the one seat and I get on.

And I'm so far, I'm just, I try, I'm trying, they're going, all right, put your seat belts on, trade tables up, and I can't put my see-pull Can't do it. You get to get the extent now. Here's the thing. I'm fucking. I'm not getting the extent I pick my stump. I Drag it and I pull I'm serious. I have a pulled muscle in my back from trying to push the fucking thing together In my arms and I'm sweating and I'm going we hear the in the single-seater of the double-seater single-seater

okay thank you so I know single-seater that would be the single-seater all right pay attention it's reverse in Australia so Bobby I hate to break it to you that was a double-seater and that's why she writes on shows. Yeah, and I rang my bell. This is what I rang my fucking stupid bell, and she looked down, looked at me with just fuck you face, and then came down, ignored me, and I'm like, you know, I need, and I said, excuse me, I need an extender, and she walked by me. What a bitch. And she made me say it again, I go, excuse me,, I need an extender and she walked by me.

What a bitch. And she made me say it again, I go, excuse me, can I need an extender? She made me say it twice. So she goes, I know, I'm getting it. Oh, I'll fucking say something back. I acknowledge I'm so I won't I won't you cry right now. Honestly got it. I almost made one cry.

I was just like, because I was like, I'm fucked. And then she went and got me the extender. Not even a nonchalant way. She held it out. So I had to reach out in the aisle and grab it from this fucking cunt. And I had to like, click it on and then click. Is it double click?

Because you have to click it and then click again. It was so dear ones, I can't even spin it. That fat fuck got kicked off. That's fucking brilliant. I can't even spin that That fat fucker kicked off That fucking brilliant that airline should get in the world just from being just you They kicked a dude off of being a fat fuck. Do you know what a hunk of garbage as being you have to be to go Sir you need to get off you need to get off. Flight booster, I mean that. At least he has to stand up.

And just fucking enjoy. First you're arguing, stand up and fucking try not to laugh at God damn playing. Try not to fucking. And your fame does nothing. No. No, it just makes people go, I know who that is. Other people are nudging these people.

And do you know who that is? Yeah. And he's fat. It just gets off the flight. It makes you look bigger. Yeah. He's watching. Well, he is He's a bigger person brushing their arms as he passes by on his way. I'm trying to keep some dignity

Comfort sweat pants brush your legs. Yeah, hockey hockey jersey He just get that mesh right against your face He's doing what the flat fat flight attendants do and they put one arm up on the thing and walk down So they're fat. Do you ever notice that fat attendance do and they put one arm up on the thing and walk down. So they're fat. Do you ever notice that? Fat, flat attendance. Always have one arm up and they slide it down to keep their fat from hitting the people. You're gonna stretch it.

So funny. Yeah, so I'm, I'm, I'm fucking, I've said I've got to be done, dude. To the airlines. I'm not gonna sue anybody. Why am I, I'm not that, I don't like sue a people. I think we're gonna file a not gonna sue anybody. Why am I'm not that I don't like So I think we should file a motion for Bobby. Yeah, what's the motion called? It's called Extreme prejudice yeah and distress mental distress

Moe can you fucking punch this up a little bit? I think you should sue them for giving you a wake up call There it is I tell you what I did with my one time I was doing radio and I didn't, I just like fuck whatever. So I go, Mo, I'm gonna do this radio, but will you write the jokes for me? Like just the topics, they get any topics and you just write jokes and I'll say them. And I told the radio station this is what I was doing. I hired a writer for this segment and it was the, she came up with fucking great Tiger Woods jokes. All these great Obama jokes, and I killed

using Mo as my fucking right. You're not interested in across your kitchen table. She's totally up to shit. I'm like, yeah, what do I think about Obama? And then she just start writing shit. And I can't hold on. Guys, try to. I was a for radio promoting a gig.

Oh, that's a blessing. But because the other job you can have, that's like when I worked on crank anchors, that's the only TV job that is remotely like that like where you get to write in the moment Right, you know, because it's when people are on the phone call Is that how it works? So people would just be on the phone you'd be writing stuff to say to them? Yeah, we are like people be like they have stuff prepared already But then they send like two writers for every for every call session

So you'd sit there with a whiteboard and listen in on all the calls and then you get to write stuff. This is what makes me, I mean, that's awesome, that's great, but it also takes away the fucking, I always thought those were just the dude, you're a comic, you're sitting in the room, you pick up a phone and you be funny. No, because a lot of the people that did that show were not coming, you know, it's like actors and stuff. That's my point. That guys like me and other guys that who are funny who could have just picked up a fucking phone Right and made it funny. You need it's like there's a lot of Here's a sis can do that and Kim will can do that but there's people who can do great characters who maybe would be as a lot like a lot of people do Oh, I can't name names bitch

I tell you why you can't cuz there's none Well, you know like just someone like Jeff Goldblum is funny It's like it's a great voice and is would be funny making calls someone like Jeff Goldblum would be like Larry's making calls No, no, no Jeff Goldblum is good in movies and plays. He's not good as a stand-up comic of being funny I don't give a fuck about it. I didn't say this a few and see you're not you don't I think you stand up comedy for you. There's no prank phone call where you call some lady and start doing your act Well, I have to be honest Morgan. Thank you out of all the things you could have picked Jeff Goldblum That was the argument of someone who be you know good

Joke writer was Jeff Goldblum really on cranking. Yes, that's infuriating. It makes me forget about Bobby being not being on I've never been on and I've never invited to Australia. If I didn't even know the one's a festival until five minutes going He's the co-writer of crocodile done We go on that was a teacher in Australia that was huge a t-shirt in Australia that was huge. T-shirt, I'm in. I don't like the limo driver. Richard, you weren't the limo driver. No, he...

No, I was a rich guy with a tuxedo. A rich guy with a tuxedo. And he'd come out and he'd drive it all. And he'd get out of his fucking limo. And he was, where you going, I'm in? I'll tell you, I look fucking good. I look like Matthew McConaughey back then. Let's, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, hey, oh. He looked like Matthew McConaughey back then. What Matthew McConaughey looks like now. Let's whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa Patrick Swazie, Patrick Swazie went from good looking guy to fucking old in a year and a half. Like something just happened and it's that something happens. He's called cancer. Not that part. One of the worst ones to get to. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, listen, no. I mean, you can't.

You can't create a cancer all through that. Fucking knock a couple of years off your face. I'm saying wait. Some of you guys are just, I'm saying wait. I'm saying wait. I'm saying we throw the cancer. He looked like a motherfucker. Before you even saying that, it doesn't make you nice. He's like, I'm waiting.

He's like, I'm waiting. I've never seen Paulie Klasen a long time. I've seen Paulie Klasen a long time. Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh, Bobby, she was killed. Hey, you guys remember that stage Michael Douglas went through a little bit he looked awful What did Clark does not look the way you Not the same guy

Maybe someone sitting around saying the same about you right now You don't look as gorgeous as you did in the 80s. I'm just saying right of all fucking Dan. I'll be back. I know you will. I'll be fucking back people like you have doubted me Have doubted me since I moved to this shit city I Fucking came back three times, tell him Colin. I was in middle school during your second class. Well listen, I do, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, I could rise, you would already feel my power.

So he's Mark off. I would never say that to you, Bobby. I believe in you. I believe in your next game. His ass Australian. I believe in you. I'll be even farther away far I think you look good I think you look nice. What are you chubby chaser?

Well, good's got fetishes I don't think you're as fat as you're Presenting yourself to be on I think people are gonna imagine a morbidly oboe that's true Yeah, okay, here's the deal. I've people are gonna imagine a morbidly obese guy. That's true. Okay, here's the deal. I've had to keep the weight on a little bit for certain things. Number one, that NYC22, I can't get shredded again because they wanted me to be that chunky cop, all cop.

Because he literally said the showrunner was like, dude, don't fucking lose weight, don't get in shape. Because I started to lose weight when I was on the show. I started doing many fast. And I was walking around going, look at this. I'm losing weight. And he was like, don't lose too much, fatty. We don't need a sexy bald guy.

We need a chunky dude walking in. They don't want sexy bob back. They wanted one cop that looked like a real cop. And that was me. But then, so I kept it on for that. But that was the excuse of my head. You know what I mean? I could get down to I can I want to get down to TV fat. Does that make sense? Yeah. We look fat on TV, but you don't look that fat in real life.

Right. Like a like a like a Ricky Gervais. Yes. Used to be TV fat. Now he's actually in shape. Yeah. But he used to be TV fat. I want to be that fat. This fat right here, you don't put gigs with this. You don't put gigs with this. Well, I'll say it again. Don't put that. You booked a lot of, you booked before pictures. And this is the worst too is all the comedy clubs I do use. They suck. They, I tell my manager, you send them the fucking updated fat pick. I just got fat picks taken. So I look like, I look more, I don't look as bad as I do in real life, but I look closer

to what I really look like. And these fucking improvs refuse to use it. They're using torgas and picks when I was a little boy. And I show up and these little girls are in the front row. And they look up and there's this fucking asshole the bowling shirt on The flop sweat and zits in the back of his neck and holding a towel from the hotel It's it's like fuck you put the fat pick up in the front I don't want people walking my pointing at it going. I saw a fat

O&A fan couple pointing at my head shot laughing fat O&A fan couple pointing at my head shot laughing as I pulled up in the limo oh man I mean I don't know what they were laughing at but it was my head shot and it was the younger one when you have like the cheekbones yeah yeah that one it's sexy Bobby but here's the deal I've had that four times people don't doubt me I'll be back yeah I'll pick my shirt up and I'll fucking show you to a belly button supposed to I'm not like that. Yeah, look at that sliver Hemroy belly button

Stand up, let me see that I don't like Morgan's face It's almost like I just showed the right face. That's the face you supposed to give that belly button You know, I've never seen anything like it. It's gross, and I get it. What was it, a scar? No. No, it's not a scar. It's like a hemorrhoid and he's fucking belly button. My pops tied to the end, don't record himself. He snapped it off.

He held it in his mouth like the whole did not say it. Yeah, in the shadows of the Rocky Mountains and the sun was setting. Yeah, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, but you know, I don't think he had a belly button. I think that, I think, like when he was was a boy i don't think his belly i think something happened like his dick was his belly button

and they were like what are you going to do you have no belly button he's gonna look where they just sliced a little hole there and made a belly button he looks like a post-op trainee vagina that that's what his belly button looks like well then i don't know about that that's why they call me too far Kelly

Sometimes I take it too far. I mean, you're not gonna know where too far is Well, I'll take it there. Bob stunned the room You but you've been fat a bunch of times quick. Yes, I'm still kind of fat But I mean, you know fat you're not feeding you fat again. You still you're still thin. I'm still on them Thanks, but yeah, I get fat. I get fat a lot over the course of my life since since my 20s how many fats are you at well even when I was a kid when I was 12 I always had a fat stomach I remember playing bass one was I was trying to like my whole body was kidding but my gut was big I was just born with a misshapen you know yeah you know some people are born with certain genetic like big shoulders and showed I always had a gut even when I was like 12

I've been fat about probably 10 times What 10 10 10 10 I'm ready for yeah, hey, Moe you turn that AC off real quick. I forgot to turn that off people are gonna be bitch I can hear the AC go fuck yourself anyways 10 fats 10 fats. I've had six fats. Ooh, that sounds so much better, doesn't it? Crustin' Clear. Wow. That's fuck you. Sorry. I was sweating. I had pizza. I'm sorry, people out there are the fucking sound world.

Sounds really good. I'm on my six fat right now, but this is the worst one. I'm having a... Because I was smoking to jump back on to a couple of cigarettes. Right. When I smoked, I used to be able to drop weight like crazy. I can drop weight. I could drop 30 pounds. I did 30 pounds in a month. That's nice smoke for a film. I was the same thing. Yeah. When I smoked any time in hungry at night, just smoking was the greatest. But chicks can't do that. You guys are lucky. You can get girls don't drop weight like that. Why? Girls don't drop weight as fast.

That's how you guys just you guys just hold me up. It's all tough. Yeah. You know, that's funny too, because Weight Watchers, they got mad at me, a Weight Watchers because they were doing the points and they took away like 10 points from the girls

and they gave me five. So I had like 43 points for the day and the girls had like 19. And they just looked at me like, whoa, they started going, why does he like, I'm the one who did the points. That's why I stopped going to those fucking meetings because it's just women.

I was just turning on Molly. But I was, guys lose weight quicker. I lost weight every week. I come in and be like, proud. I'd be like, I lost five pounds. And this fat lady be like, I lost a half a pound. And you just took away fucking 10 points from mother fucker.

And the Only exercise you did was like lifting a sandwich to your face. Like like 20 times yesterday. Well the first time I met Colin I was at I was fat Kelly when I first met you. Like in there like a year and a half ago. Oh my god. And remember that's totally cool. I try to get it. It's fine. But I was fat Kelly. So just through the archives. So you were a fatso when you met him? Yeah. Really? Yeah.

I think you're cool, thin, but I liked your fat. I thought you were sexy fat. And do I not like my face when you're really fat? It was like 40 pounds. Like, you know, I had a double chin. Oh, 40 pounds, not that bad. Yeah, but I did. That's cool. That's four babies. That was pounds not that bad. Yeah, but

That's four babies. I was a four healthy babies. I had a double chin bed big boobies and a big big size And now she's got a flat belly and fucking boob's You got good boobs. She's got good. Wow your boobs. You got good. This would happen makes me sick about you As you're one of my good friends, and I don't think you that way except with your tits really yeah, you got fucking slam and titties What kind of early 90s compliment was that I could just some rad you got a rad rad She's got the you know that's my favorite thing right there. Don't I cover up? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, really good body, you're like, you're tall. You're tall and you're really slim. You're not just like this fucking look at your shirt. I really like the 1930s casting couch thing. It's going on right here.

He's like, no, you're good for the role. This is a, taking piece of clothing. This is a movie fame, isn't it? It is just glossy, but it's like, you're trying to put it in the sunglasses. Yeah, it's not like it's just, I just want to, take the sunglasses on. I just want to show the stretchy part going in the middle. Listen to your elders.

All right, maybe I take the sunglasses off Do I get the writing job? Get the roll See that stretchy part? That's what I like that's what I like you really are like a strip club over Actually, you want to feed you want to feed your dance this weekend? That's what I like right here. That's still be Bobby, though, hiring people at a bank. All right, let me see here.

You can get that. Oh, masters and business from Harvard. Why don't you pull that skirt up a little bit? Do one of these. Do a little turn. I'm going to play a little song called the Hot Fatteacher. You're right. We realize you're coming in for the Vice for one of the juvenile hall places, right?

You know, because I was in them, and then when I was 18, I was, you know, 15 to 18, I had,, I had three years of sobriety by then. And I had my shit that I was success story. They flew me to Washington, blah, blah, blah. So they asked me to get a job. I needed a job so they gave me this job with this NFI shelter care. And I went up and one of the guys, the guys who runs it, was one of the guys

at a place I was in when I was a kid, when I was like 13, 14. And he always weirded me out. I never really fucking went near him. But I remember, you know, I remember I walked in on one time and they have to do the strip searches at the beginning, and he never did me. He'd always get other kids, and I'd get somebody else.

And you have to take you clothes off. You have to do jumping jacks, and you have to bend over. Right? You don't just mandatory. You had to do that. And I remember one time I walked in on him into the bathroom He was doing one of my friend Mike and he's got him over his shoulder. They were wrestling And Mike was in his underwear and I'm like that what the fuck are you doing? What's going on? And they were he's he was like oh, we're just wrestling with just come on. We're just kidding around and

Mike was like yeah, we're just kidding's he was like, oh, we're just wrestling with just come on. We're just kidding around. And Michael's like, yeah, we're just kidding. And I was like, ugh. So anyways, cut to 18. I'm in this job. We're wrestling. I'm in my underwear. We're in the bathroom, wrestling. Going for a double eight take down.

This guy's sitting across from me and he's, you know, a barb. It's good for you. And then he says something to me and he goes, you know, but remember, I remember you when you were a kid and you came in and I'm proud of you. And then he says something to me and he goes, you know, but remember, I remember you and your kid and you came in and I'm proud of you. And then he goes, ah, and he grabbed my junk. And he leaned in it just jokingly, if you could jokingly grab another guy.

Like, come on. And I went, what the fuck are you doing? Are you fucking nuts? And I snapped. And he's like oh I'm I didn't I didn't mean I was just kidding my great kid and grabbing a guy's cock is fucking getting What do you think I'm fucking 10? I'm a fucking adult you ass hall Greek kids around Okay, ten you just joking about look if there's no pubes ticks all in fun

That's why I want you to get pubes. It's uncomfortable What he do what he do he he he was like oh, I'm sorry I and he really backpedaled and I was like all right, whatever we done because this is my big interview It was again. We're done. You know, he just gave me the there was no other. I was supposed to go through some other shit I just got the job. It was a perfect job to to over my job. I get the sleep half the night I got money. It was fucking great. He just gave me the job, but he got fired You got fired two months later. I think he was fucking around with some kids and one of the kids around him I but here's the thing he's fucking around with these little these kids are fucking dangerous

You know, you I'm surprised he didn't't get a knife in his fucking throw before that. But yeah. It's on the edge. It'll be funny if I just took my cock out. Don't fuck. What are you doing? Finish. You fucking grab it, grab it nice.

You stuck it out. Like you're stuck in stroke and you see something. You wet your hand first. I'm a jealous since I had you had him in the bathroom. You had Mike in the bathroom. You wouldn't take me. And we see that cock. I'll tell you the uh I

Like that story this one person it doesn't appreciate this story Mike. Yeah Who's Mike your friend? So on the fucking podcast now. He's like hey, thanks. I didn't say his last name I thought you were talking about him. I forgot his name. It's Phil Phil Sorry Phil. I thought he I progops. I just looked at his face. He was looking down And it was actually figuring something out But that figuring something out face and I've been molested to face is the same I thought I touched the nerve with Those in school he's trying to study teachers like what's wrong? They take him to the office?

You've never been molested right now. I got they got through unscathed never No, Colorado say it of course They yeah, it's more of like it's like a commune type mentality So they don't really call it molestate. Correct. He'd be out there like Naked like kind of burning man with different families. Like all the families getting a little bit more. It's spiritual. Like, literally, they're all naked.

Yeah. Shit like that. Very liberal. A lot of the very different status. They're a hippie-ish kind of place. So, would he call... There's a fine line between Mala Station and exploration, they call it. Exactly.

It's exploration until you're 13. Yeah. So they see naked adults and like what's that? Like that's okay. That's a vagina that's penis. They're very very very lot of turquoise Everywhere Who cut your hair I believe early and I was like I was like just take it all off And she's like what's gonna take like 15 minutes? I was like I have to go and I was like, I was like, just take it all off and she's like, what's gonna take like 15 minutes? I was like, I have to go and I was like,

this is the worst year, I've never got my life. Yeah, there's things, it looks like a fine. Come on, come on. Something Michelangelo had sculpted. That's actually a compliment, I think. No, it's not. Yeah, I think it's a compliment. Kind of it.

It's one of the greatest artists in history. I mean, I think he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's I mean I didn't I didn't see what he was looking like you look like a da Vinci fucking You dumb face looks like a nice Starry night None of those are cool Mona Lisa is an ugly twat. What do you think?

That's what I want to look like and David his hair sucked well and van go actually everyone looks like they have a And David his hair sucked well and van go actually everyone looks like they have a AIDS no no Cancer no just that I go Diaclete hopefully show that the concept didn't fly with me This was on a compliment David's haircut stunk any Roman haircut stinks. I think it's a son of a genius. I yeah You like his haircut mom? I think he looks nice. Do you think I think it's a son of a genius. Yeah. Do you like his haircut, mom?

I think he looks nice. I think you look nice, too. I think everybody here would say I think it's a nice looking. Look at you. You look like a goddamn Raphael painting or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't like her. She's a huge Bobby's. I don't like her L.A. She's bringing her L.A. attitude into this fucking room. Did you hear fucking room Everybody's nice. You're nice. He's nice. Everyone's great. I have always found more gonna be very pleasant. Oh, no, it's corporate dance. Yeah, neutral. That's what we like to say. Come on. Don't don't don't think that fucking Colin won't grab you for me

Me and Colin on the fucking same page I'll pull a job interview Bobby job Grabbies junk What are you thinking about I was just thinking about Very special you know what, dude. Sorry, Phil. Phil. I'm sorry, Wes.

You've never been molested, right? I know, never been. I'm not. So I'm the only one in the world. I'm shocked that I haven't been. You've been molested. I'm sorry. Did I bring something?

You've been a lot of diet-cooked, Colin. I sure do. I'm sure I do. You've never been molested, have you? I sure do You've never been molested have you I don't I don't think that question could actually there's no not it's either yes or no what's not really what happened column But it's hard to say because you know, I feel like no the reason I say not really It's because there's a fun line between like being molested you get visions of somebody who's not like complicit you know, I mean and like a lot of times, especially when I was a real little kid, I mean, I was a real

pervert. I mean, you were. Yeah. Like, I used to get, I don't. I used to, starting with age five and I'll say in the spirit of Bob, I'll say the first name is Sharon, starting age five, this girl's bent over right in the alley between two houses and I'm thinkin' her in her. I was like five, she's like five. I'm thinkin' her in her. It's like days time. I got it in her gun!

I'm gonna look, I'm gonna look at the world. I'm gonna look at the world. I'm gonna look at the world. I'm finger-blasting her. I got it in her gun. I'm gonna look at the world. I got my fingers bent. She looks at me. I go, you don't even know your ABCs. And then the juice comes out of my hands. You will get it off. This is worse than when I play with bugs. Bugs! All right, so you've been a bingo blast today, right?

You've been a five and I just remember there was a lot of put it this way. There was a lot of sex in my childhood in those early years from five to like 11. I was on more of a roll then from 11 to 14 actually and You know some of it was kids slightly older, but I don't really call that molestation. It was just fun. Yeah. Exploration. Yeah. I, well, how can you agree with it? You've never done anything. Because he said that there's the exploration line from earlier. So you're saying that you were kids with each other doesn't count as molestation. Yeah, kids with each other is both consensual. Like, yeah. que es que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es una cosa que es When you start learning multiplication. When you pay for it. Yeah. When you realize that there's fiscal gain to be had. When you drive to the person. I think that's what it starts. Bike or call.

I think bike riding campus. You have to go is you have to go to the person. You have to go to the person. You have to go to the person. You have to go to the person. You have to go to the person. You have to go to the person. You have to go to the person.

You have to go to the person. You have to go to the person. You have to go to the person. You have to go to the person. You have to go to the person. You have to go to the person. You have to go to the person. You have to go to the person.

You have to go to the person. You have to go to the person. You have to go to the person. You have to go to the person. You when you drive to the person you're I think I started bike or call I think bike riding you have to go is your wife home and then somebody else sitting there goes what do you have a seat over there would you like to come in by the way I had the thing that just the Chris Hansen thing I had this like

observation last night that I've never had about that whole to get your predator deal, which is who offers up their house for those shows? It's like porn. It's like, yeah, exactly. I never thought about that before, but like who says, yeah, use my house. Like someone who could talk, it's like on Craigslist,

but I guess, like, yeah, we'll give you a five-and-one fee and we're just gonna invite dozens of pedophiles to your house. A awful people who now have directions. I've never thought about that before. That is really, it's the same as like porn. We're just gonna invite dozens of pedophiles to your mouth. A lot of people who now have directions. I've never thought about that before. That is really, it's the same as like porn, like who just, well obviously, but it's worse in porn.

Oh yeah, in children. We're gonna invite, yeah, we're gonna give predators to your mouth. Yeah, the rumored directions, it gets at a jail, he's like, I fucking, that guy lives. Yeah, there's a pirate map to your house. Had a file somewhere.

I heard me to get this. I got a finger blasted a 10 year old to this house. I heard him. There's like 90 people in jail right now. We're like 316 Oak Place. Yeah. Oh, it's the blue one. You turn the left.

What, what, has there anybody, any of those with a guy actually just like, yep, yep. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's a couple of things. They get some message for the second. What has there anybody any of those with a guy actually just like yep, yep, oh yeah There's a couple yeah, they get some message for the second Because mo I like the ones with the like fuck I knew it. I'm just the best lies this I'm he I was here to help Right, I just wanted to help right. I wanted to show you gonna help with the six pack and condoms How was that going to help? Mike's hard lemonade. Why is that?

That has to come from the fake pedophile. That's like a thing that they always ask for. They must always ask for. You know what the evil part about that is? They probably have a deal with Mike's hard lemonade. Look. Can we use it? Can we use it on our program?

They're like, we can get your commercials in, but... That's awesome. Yeah. You know, like there's one like during a sweep sweep, it turns like vitamin water, you're like, God, suspect. Yeah, that's what Chris has that holds it up.

Why do you have... Mike's heart. Trojans and Mike's heart element. Delicious, easy to drink, Mike's heart limited. The best is the sales guy that got that, came in the office and he goes, guys, great deal. NBC's picked this up, we got a full run of commercials. One thing, we're gonna have to be on

date lines, had a catch a predator, is that cool guys? And Mike's heart lemon, Mike's not to say Mike, hopefully from... But Mike probably... That's very cute, but for the cops. I know a lot of Mike's dude by the way Mike's heart lemonade also sounds like a thing that a grown man would tell a little kid what is it like all this is Mike's heart you know it's like my

is it Mike's a dope lemonade this is Uncle Mike's lemonade but you want some of this today because they remember there's one guy that they caught, they caught one guy and he was crying and flipping out. But then they did a sting the next day, Samarels and they caught him again. And they walked up there like, what are you doing? They get some scarier.

Shake it off, shake it off, just go home, find a new one. But they didn't even like do the sting, they were like, what are you doing? He's like, I don't know, know I just I don't know I just They're just like as he's walking they don't catch him really He knows the cat. He knows the guy holding a boom mic. Hey Gary What's up buddy back again? You guys thought those cookies those are those are the best is when they come in and they

They knew the show and I knew I knew something I thought it was yeah, of course no young dick is this easy The worst like can to camera am I am I oh? How about the guys they never show their hips they never show the guys that come drive by Get out of the car and then just get back in their car and say fuck this right? I mean what I those that's got to be guys sure that I was just like They saw like the tip of a boom mic I don't think they're gonna

Look in a window by then with cops are outside yeah, yeah, yeah In bushes all the best is when they're back it away from the house and they're going guys So we're cool so we're cool and they get out the fun doing the fucking local cops Those Kentucky cops just beat the shit out of them. Yeah. All right, so I can leave. Yeah, good. You know, yeah, no, oh, dude. Hey, no harm. No foul. You didn't fuck anybody, right? He's like, all right. I don't fucking what turns around. He's got to go. But here's a deal. You get arrested. You get processed. You get a court date.

And you get to go home. Right. You don't go to jail jail. No. Yeah, it's all like it. Yeah, you get you get processed and you go to fuck home. Right. And you gotta go home and tell your wife, where were you, honey? Well, I'll be on TV and say, you're like honey, you gotta go home to your wife, DVR, next Friday.

Yeah. She goes, I need to be on TV. My name is booked a show. I need to be on TV. I need to be on TV many, many events tomorrow. Ugh, it's gonna be a little hard. Yeah, oh, yeah, so we're not gonna get that back for a while. Right.

Why? Because I tried to fuck a boy. Stop, I'm into boy fuck. You know how I'm on the internet a lot. Yeah. I love the fake cops. They get or the cops they get to play the fake kid. We're like, oh, I'll be right back downstairs.

Yeah, it's just some bolt. It's just some bolt like. Yeah, it's just some bolt. It's just some bolt like. Yeah, it's just some lesbian chick from the precinct. It's like, all right, guys, fuck it, I'll do it. Hey, come on in, sit down. I don't trust that, that's a little boy at all. I love Dan's pedophile voice. Boy boy.

You made the boy sound older. Hey, what's up, dude? I'll be right down. That sounds a little out of my age, right? Man, that's I'm in the wrong demo in this It's like this. Hey man, I ride to town man. Oh gross. You want me doing I got cookies But at what age at what age do you start to go? Okay, why is the girl invited this guy over? Like seven yeah, so I do I, I do think it's in trapment.

I mean, I think it's, I don't understand how, no, it is in trapment. I think these people are sick and wrong and should have their, their nuts cut off, but I also think it's in trapment. You think it's in, you think. That is both ends of the spectrum. You just gave like the Chinese government's view

on pedophiles or like, they should be unix and you're also is both ends of the spectrum. You just gave like the Chinese government's view on pedophiles We're like they should be you nix and you're also But you see the head of the head of the head. I know exactly what these people are. It's sick It's wrong. There's something wrong with them But at the same time if you look at like the legal jargon or it's in trap. There's a lawyer that's probably extremely wealthy off that thought alone Sure, all right. We're gonna take a break real quick and we'll be right back We're gonna come back with if it's entrapment to fuck a kid. Yeah, leave on me defending pedophiles All right check it out we want to thank the unofficial and the official sponsors of the you know what did podcast

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podcast stream right from the app. No downloading. Fucking great way to do that. All my soundboard, all kinds of crazy shit. Right on my app, Robert Kelly Live iTunes. If you have an iPhone, Android coming soon. And make sure you go if you're a fat fuck. I'm trying to get down to my six skinny.

I'm on my way and last night, again, proving what I've done. Try to tell my wife for a year. I need to tread me on the house. It takes up too much space. You're not going to use it. Fuck you. I finally went to you. I want I you know me. I do the research. I went out yowzer yowzer fitness.com. Yowzer fitness.com. I needed one that folded up, but I needed one that folded up away. Just gone straight up. Not at an angle, still takes up space. Not a heavy one to pick up that fucking breaks your back. I got the best treadmill in the world. Yowza Fitness. It folds up straight up on itself. Rolls. Wherever the fuck you want to pull it, you roll it out,

you unlook the thing, unhook the thing, and it comes down by itself. You don't have to put it down on the ground. It automatically gently eases down on the ground, hook your iPhone up to it, it has speakers, has three fans, it has 12 programmable things, it's fucking brilliant. And it's got, it's so quiet, you can't even hear it. You can't even hear it. Last night, 12 o'clock in the night, I came home didn't work out. I felt like a piece of shit I would have never went to the gym fuck it. I hit the button fell down I did 45 minute walking with some 7 pound weights

Heart rate up to a 138 for 45 minutes and then I banged my wife and I made a baby Because of y'all is a fitness calm if you're trying to make babies and get unfat because you're a fat fuck You need a treadmill in your house, right call you have one of your house. That's how you lost all the weight By every day and that's what I'm doing so go there get the treadmills. They're on fucking their their their their fucking You're gonna say something no. Oh shit Yeah, they're unbelievable. Y'all is a fitness. calm you guys are the shit. Thank you very much. Goodbye I'm telling you you're gonna get a treadmill

Hang on one second let me turn your mic up so you can hear you I want to hear Morgan said that you're gonna If you're gonna get a treadmill honestly God I did all the research you know I'm a nerd. Yeah, yeah I was a fitness. Yeah, cuz I want that's I'm the same thing. I want one that straight up It's gonna pull up straight up and you can wheel it around. It has handles so you can pull it, put it wherever the fuck you want it. Put on my balcony. I wouldn't get crazy, but yeah, you could, but it's the best. Yeah, I was a fitness.

You should tell them email them, talk to Jason on the chat and tell them who you are and what you do and they'll hook you up with a good deal. Right now it's 75% off their treadmills off the the Pascane one, which is kind of the middle ground. That's the one I got. Unbelievable. Y'all is a fitness.com. Go there and get a fucking treadmill. Not that you need to lose anyway, because you're looking hot, Mo. Thanks. Alright, so we left off on fucking how Morgan thinks pedophilia is alright. I don't know about that. I think what do you feel about pedophilia is all right. I don't know about that. I think what do you feel about pedophilia, Kelly? Um, it's, you have a most, no.

What's the legal agent in Australia, like 12? Yeah. Age consent? Yeah. No, um, because I'm a really bad, um, bad, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. What do you get to bang an abo? No, he can't use that word. Sorry. Is that abo originally? That That's yeah, it's the inward in Australia

You can't use that word something almost a compliment in ever no, it's not but I am a really bad hugger and kiss a lower and people Always thought I was molested like are you sure no one touched you? Because I'm just so awkward with hugs and stuff. I've got I get the same thing Yeah, I think I'm like no, I just don't like you're just you know what it was too many Italian aunties and uncles Who wanted to kiss my face Like on this cheek when I was young and they gross and they had like with stash You both have fucking issues with men man, you don't want to hug the eventimacy issues. I don't want you I don't want my girlfriend. I'm not a big girlfriend hugger either though. I'm not a big like

You don't hug. Yeah, I'm gonna be a hug with you. I hug you. Yeah, you hug me, but it's like fucking hugging my uncle Sean. Don't give me a hug, fucking cat. Fucking good cat you make me mad. Don't be a fag about it. Good cat. Yeah, like you come across as a beautiful woman, but you fucking have the emotional connection of a fucking man from Boston. I can neck of you. I think people over, you know, everyone says like everyone's fucking a man from Boston. I can echo you

I just I think people over you know everyone says like everyone's like I love you. I love you girl I love you. I love you. Oh my god. I love you and they fucking hate that they hate him I got it just like to see people do it all the time just say when you mean it. Yeah I'm a guy that's like my joke. It was one of my greatest jokes ever right Quinn Go ahead jokes ever right Quinn. Go ahead. He's going through the rolodex of judge and he's brain going on. Exactly. He can't send it to anybody. You saved me about you. Go ahead, but the joke about when I say your father. Yeah, where I say,

yeah, my love you, I don't say I love you to my wife is not because I don't love her. It's because I don't want to desensitize it. When I say I love you, I want it to fucking meet it. It's like my mom says it. She says a million times, I love you, I love you. All right, I fucking get it. My father says I love you, I want it to fucking meet it. It's like my mom says it. She says it a million times. I love you I love you. I write I fucking get it my father says I love you once when I graduated high school Music son. I love you and I was like I love you He's like a right-faggot relax Sting in the tail there great. I always forget to do that

Well the same like people like say I love you way too much and I'm like no if I say it you're gonna mean it and that's normally people who grew up in a house that was not at I love you house. You like you reserve that I love you is when it's special. Here's where I got fucked up with I love you. You ready and I remember it. I ran away for the first time I was in second first second grade living with Billy Manchinton. I ran away because I want I just don't want to be there anymore and I wanted to fucking attention. I left around six o'clock. I went to a bus stop. I was crying at a bus stop Some young pretty girl was like grab me and walked me home Around an hour and a half late at 7.30. I went back open the door

My mother's you know flipping out because her kids gone. Where is she's crying? I start crying We go upstairs. We're both crying. Where did you go? I'm there. I just run and then she's like baby. Don't did you go? I'm like, hey, he's running. And then she's like, baby, don't ever do that. I'm gonna go, oh, mom, I love you. Right? It was this, oh my god, emotional moment, right? It was what I wanted.

That's why I ran away, because I want to, and then I remember, I was under the coffee table, all happy that I was home, and my mother loved me, and I heard her on her phone with her girlfriend, and then he's, he's like, come here, he hugs me, and he goes, oh, my love you, and she goes, ha, you which goes haha starts laughing I started crying I started crying again under the coffee table fucking swallow what she know what dude but we she laugh it we she laughing because now it was cute now I yes now my mother wasn't yeah my mother's not a fucking evil Well, I mean you saw I broke him I yes, but when you're in

My she never soared Looking into a car who's the Paris of the model? No, she now but back then I didn't know that. I know that she just fucking just laughed at the fucking moment we just had and it killed me. Killed me. That's where I started learning to shut down. Go, compartmentalize, shut that down, shut this down, and then I started running away and not giving a fuck, not caring. You know, I remember I ran away for two weeks and they would look at me I slept in Bobby Ciketti's basement in a closet on a table for two weeks to our old way

13 13 oh, yeah, that was great fucking blast hit him hit a mo pet We used to tool around all day and then at night we get stoned and lift weights Remember those old plastic weights with the cement in them Yeah, it would just it would make that shit around they move around we see just pump iron We both had really good chests. We had just good chests. We never really arms. We had chests We had half shirts mesh half shirts and we'd walk away. We'd drive we drive on the mo pad with our chests out And then I'd sleep on a fucking closet at night.

Yeah. Oh man, we got more in common than Fats. Like, you ran away too when you were a kid? No, but that whole, like, you know, just the whole story of like the laughing, like the love, you know, Oh, I love you. Oh, I'm laughing. I'm like, and that's shutting down. I'm waiting to draw though. I'm getting better. Bebs helping me. What, you, you, someone did that to you?

Yeah, my mom did that to me. Like last week or when you were a kid? No, no, I was a kid. She would do that to me now. But you know, like just like, you know. You like like your mother? No, my mom's great, but she just didn't know how. She was, she should, like, you know, she wasn't like. I can't, why can't we hate our moms? Why is it bad? She wasn't afraid. Why is it bad to go, you fucking, my, fuck my mom? Some people hate their mother. Like who?

Plenty of people. Like who? Not me, I love mother. But I mean, you all love the people. I love the mother. I love the mother. Mother. I love mother.

I do it because it annoys her. I go, I love mother. She's checking out. It's very suck. Mother, no, blah. It's my whole life. It's all like I resided my family. It's all all my dad's, my dad and his brothers.

It's always mother's mother's mother's But they're joking. No, they're real I say this is joke yeah her family's fucking you like from a rich family like my dad's I will is rich my my dad lost everything so I'm I didn't grow up like my dad's side of the family though They have like jet and all that you know, but I didn't grow the jet with a shammer on it Really I think it was a Murphy jet I don't know if it has a shamer. I saw it. You saw a picture. Yeah, there's a fucking shamer on it Murphy airlines And I was like a big lumber family, but then my mom's side is you know, I

Who's here? Hey, let's not make it? Hey, hey, let's not make it Shut everybody's mic off don't cut shut up no talking on the podcast Come sit by Morgan you can sit down over here. Is it really? I don't want people thinking I I mean I didn't grow up with any of that money. I'm just around it. She was around it. We know you did we Let's put it or you would be a stand-up We um Don't want to say true that you waxed Bobby's ears. Yeah, stand up.

Shut up. I have video. He said you can't tell anyone. Only he can say that you waxed it. Yeah, because I said that you waxed my brows. And then I thought, yeah, it wasn't allowed to know that you waxed his ears. All right, listen, no talking on the podcast, don't you? You did a hell of a job.

I mean, that anonymous person did a hell of a job on They love the eyebrow work Love well, she does my she did my ears around 10 years ago Cuz I had like two or three hairs, but it bugged her because she was an aesthetician young girl She she did a couple of them now it grows out. It's it's fucking disgusting looks. I have black headphones in it just It's all my fault it first of all don't have a mic Don't get Mike Go on I'll tell you what it is going he's blaming you sit with Donna's sitting Please he's changed seats. He's blaming you for those pimples on his upper on behind his neck on the back of my neck

And then and you know it's more good and more good yeah problem with having a wife you got her my wife is a fucking stone called murderer she will not she gets mad when I get sick like she's she's like you're a pussy she's like I'm like I'm sick and I got you there's something wrong with me isn't she's like there's nothing wrong with you anytime. It's like my mother. It's like my mother Nothing's wrong with me anytime. I'm sick. It's like you're fine. Just keep going keep going There's nothing wrong. I had to fucking get mono almost die for my mother to fucking take me to the hospital

If we're strapped throughout she's the same way. I got pimples in the back of my neck It could be chicken pox, adult chicken pox. But I told you it's proud. Adult chicken pox. A adult chicken pox is shingles, and it wouldn't be localized in a two by two square. Don't you think? It's on the back of my neck. I know what's on the back, you know.

Morgan said the only curation. You know, I'm going to say no. What? What? Morgan said the only curation What She wasn't talking inches at all she's talking she was talking feet you gotta Wants to follow it Bobby when he get back there and exfoliate I can't wipe my ass It's your back of your neck you can reach there. No, I can't what is exfoliate? You don't know what actually it is when people scrub yeah well we can scrub too for that matter yeah well here's the deal okay she she she waxed the back of my neck now

I have these pimples that won't go away on the fucking back of my neck and Morgan goes to him oh you can get those laser off no I didn't say laser off they're in there you can get it laser I don are off. No, I didn't say lays are off, I said they're in grown hair, you can get it lays, I don't like like a layser where they burn off your skin. It's a technique. It's from waxing, the hair is growing back, you're working out, you're sweating like a lunatic. Oh my goodness.

Sweat is sticking on the back of your neck. Yeah. That dude treadmill. Here's the thing. Is it shitting? Yeah. How great is the auzer? Yeah, this is awesome. And do I use it? You do. All right. Here's the thing. Is it shit? How great is the auser? The auser is awesome.

And do I use it? You do? All right, here's the thing. If she never waxed my ears back in the day, I wouldn't have a fucking hairy ears. You have an afro. Listen to me. No, I want to talk about it.

You're gonna make a lot of guy. Yeah. What? It's white, it's like mouse ear. What about, I want wanna know about this treadmill. What do you go on? Do you go on a grade? What do you go straight?

I do the weight loss one, where it goes, it's really light for two minutes and then it's really hard for two minutes. Interval training. You ever do squats on the treadmill? No, I do punches with seven pound, I have seven pound dumbbells. So I curl on the fast two minutes, I do punches with seven pound. I have seven pound dumbbells. So I curl on the

fast two minutes. I do one minute curling and one minute punching. And I try to do that the whole time, but it's hard. It really gets your heart rate. With seven pound weights, that's a lot. Seven pound weights. Yeah, it's like it's like picking up fucking numb on each arm. What do you have it on? A grade? What do you have it it on walking? But I'm saying yeah, it's on an incline But it's a it's a program. So I don't know what incline it is doesn't show you it probably does I just never looked it's just it's just a I hit weight weight loss and I just do what they do and I picked the Speed or whatever the fuck it is and they do three level three, huh? Don't talk on the podcast anyway Back to our thing, molestation.

Wow, what is that? You were seeing these? This is a bracelet that counts like how many steps I take, calories, fuel stuff. I don't know. It was an impulse buy, but it's actually like it. Where did you get it? I got it at a pop up mall in East London. It's a Nike fuel band. Can you get it at the Apple store? You can only get it in New York and at this pop up mall in East London. It's a Nike fuel band. Can you get it at the Apple store? You can only get it in New York and at this pop up mall that I found. New York, where?

Here. At the Nike store. At the Nike store. Where is that? 57th and the Madison. It's like the only place it has it. And then when you reach your goal for the day, a little guy pops up on your phone

and tells you you did a good job. Really? Which he would never pop up on your phone and tells you you did a good job. Really? Which he would never pop up on my phone. It's guy, it's like stupid, but I actually like it. What is it called? It's called a fuel band. Is that a actual watch too? Yeah, it's a watch and it has your steps, calories, and then like Nike fuel goals and you

set a goal for the day. And if it's like an active day, you can set it higher and then a little dude pops up on your computer. Can we talk about that a tech talk Yeah, when's tech talk right at the end of this. All right real quick. You don't have anything for tech talk to you Nothing you want to put on my fuel band? No, that's okay I don't want to come to tech talk you can't If you have no tech talk you can't be here

He's really sure What he does have he has my fucking iPhone, that he uses just as a case. I could talk about that. Yeah, go ahead. And then I went to the Apple store and the guy goes, Hey, man, nice case. And I knew Bob would be so mad. Yeah, my friend gave it to me.

It's for credit cards, but I don't use it for that. I feel like a big shot with hanging out with a tech guy. I gave him a knife shot. I went to the Apple store with Bobby one time and I left after I like, it's too grand at a puck. I was to the Apple store with Bobby one time and I left after I like it to grand at a pocket. I was like, I'm gonna go look for something and I walk out with like a stack of stuff. The like Apple guy's phone number because Bobby decided we needed to go out like just.

It was the best day of my life. She bought everything. Literally everything. And she got the guy's phone number. Who was you didn't go out with right? I was gonna creepy Kate. Yeah, one of those fucking creepy California names like Casey I was saying, you know what I mean? Remember a shitty name. I can't remember you but you were you were really like Caleb or something Yeah, okay, see

Either one you don't like me. You don't like me trying to rewrite what happened in incident that wasn't You don't like me you don't like me trying to rewrite what happened incident that wasn't I got you to didn't I get you on Mac to know I got you to buy some shit didn't I now but we went to the max Don't you start trouble all time bus and no balls we always I told I told my nothing. I just go there bus chop. I told Tom pop I go you know Go to the you what you do is you go to the apple store and use your fame I told Tom pop I go you know go to the you what you do is you go to the apple store and use your fame You got to walk around and look people in the eye until you get somebody that recognizes you Tom pop up Oh, that's what they said too because he told me up there like nobody recognize me. What do I do? I don't know I had a pay full price Jerry. Let's go to breakfast. No, don't I call him?

You get a change the tone popper person. Why? Why? Because... Why? No! Where are you calling? That's really horrifying.

You're horrifying. I can't put you up a little bit. Call-in, hi! Here we are! I can't put you up a little bit Call out hi Here we are Poppos like Holly would squares person It's a peaceful and she knows I called call about every fools one day I got dude. I got Tom poppa He's like what I'm in a fucking alley in the West Village.

I just came from the cellar. I'm going to this fucking meeting over here. I look Tom Pompah is in this fucking vestibule with this young, good looking twinky dude and they're fucking kissing, dude. And I'm not talking, they're making out. And he goes, I fucking knew it! He's like, I'm kidding.

He goes, I could see it now while you were holding back. Could you not say that in front of my wife though? I'm gonna, I'm gonna throw that for the one and one. I said not a human being, I know. You're a me too. So what my wife's gonna die? Yeah, she said she said die, I'd be like,

I think for a second I go, oh yeah. Thanks for ruining the marriage. Listen, that'd be my worst nightmare if I came home and you two were going at it. But can you really think of what person that you go, you'd be totally fine. You guys were doing each other's eyebrows, if you know what I mean.

Don't tell me one time she was gonna wax. She goes, I'm gonna wax tonight in the kitchen. I'm like, you know, fucking do it in the kitchen. Not in the new kitchen. She goes like this, she goes, will you help me? I go, you're out of your fucking mind I'm not

I just did it to see what you're I knew you wouldn't do it. I didn't really need your help But I just wanted to hear what you would say yeah, I'm not waxing a fine. I'm not seeing Skin like hair being ripped out of a fucking the coach. No wouldn't it be fucking gross No, the result is more. No, it wouldn't be fucking gross. No, the result is more. Yeah, the result. Yeah, I like the result. You don't wanna see the, when they said the cow slaughter,

do you wanna have the steak? He not referred to my wife, Vacouche, as a fucking slaughtered cow. One of my favorite, a fucking steak. Hey, take your analogies and stick them up your ass, Quinn. All right? We have none. I've never been good. I never been good at analogies and stick them up your ass Quinn. All right? I'm gonna be good.

I never get an analogie. I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna be good.

I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna be good.

I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna be good. trying to solve a murder. What I've never realized. Kelly, you wax, right? Yeah. I said that like it's me. Why do you say it's scared? Like you're scared.

I'm kidding, what's coming? What's coming? I don't know. Nothing's coming. You get wax. Yeah. Nothing's coming. Put your pants on.

Do somebody do it or do you do it yourself? Yeah, across from where I work, there's coming. Put your pants on. Who do you, do somebody do it? Does somebody do it or do you do it? Yeah, across from where I work, there's this Korean place. And they really fucking get in there, like, fucking their fingers. And I have to like stop them. They're finger fuck you. No, like they've, they've, they've, they've, they've got the gloves on, but they just touch. And I have to say to her, I'm like, we're touching your way to aggressive. You need to slow, you need to be softer.

Was it in your asshole? No, was she fucking dope? They put their fingers like right on your clinton stuff and like pull back the ass and pull like that and they really fucking get in there hang on Kelly Kelly hang on don't have a different method what you're talking to the microphone if you're gonna talk I have a different method I usually have the girls or women hold themselves by the Clint

Sometimes one second honey done like to watch I'll fucking jump across this I'll fucking please get back hot on you stop where you squinty little b de eyes Go ahead honey, so I'll ask them to hold certain things that I don't particularly want to touch Yeah, it's just like whenever you go to those Asian places it's like cheap and quick like 15 minutes I'm out, but it's just because they're so aggressive Yeah, I licensed yeah, you give fucking a fun guy a clip fun guy You click looks like a fucking like a shitty toenail

like a clit fun guy. You clit looks like a fucking shitty toenail. Listen, so have you ever seen a vagina that's just awful? Disgusting, yes. Just gross. I'm gonna wanna get into it, cause I will throw up. Really? And you had to wax it? Yeah.

Like really hairy? Like down the legs? I'm clean. No way, that's fucking. What's unclean? I mean, what do you think? Does it look like a fucking St. Bernard's the corner of a saint Just dribbling just a lot of gushing out really smelly

Smelly like what like ass like dirty How do you get out of that like the girl doesn't know she stinks and you put your head down They ready to pull and you're like I even. I do my worst job possible. So they come down on me. That Kelly just fucking blew my ear. How do you get out of that? You have fucking dumb Aussie shit accent. Just fucking blew my ear drum out.

Hi, I can't, I can't, I can't. I can just come out, pass it. By the way, remember that Bobby's wondering why he's never invited to Australia. Yeah, yeah. I'm stuck with, fucking damn fucking. I said it on stage last night. Two beautiful awesome couple.

I said, what are you from? I go, I fucking hate your accent. The worst accent ever. You hate to accent and you use the word I bow way too much. Fucking I look I love the Australian people. Good people. I love you, Cal.

Your accent blows. The reason I stopped watching lost. That's shit accent. I hate it. All right. Well, I just thought. I was talking to you of the accent I hate the most. Australia.

I don't like it. No, I don't mind Australia. I don't like like the great lakes, I've said accents a little bit. The great lakes. Yeah. Yeah. Like the Midwestern mom.

Like the Midwestern mom. Like that. Oh, that bugs me. How does it go? You know, like, you know, she's a mom. She that. Oh, that bugs me. How does it go? You know, like, you know, she's a mom. She's doing it tough, you know. Oh. This is tough.

Oh, can you imagine being married to her? Honey, I'm home. Hey, Bobby, how are you? I'm good. What's for dinner? Look, I'm not cooking tonight, so. What are we going to eat? I don't know. The kids have got some soccer practice going on. So we might be home late.

We're going to have sex. Not tonight now. You know what? I thought maybe we could watch some TV together. Maybe some nightline. I will kill her. You guys can watch them once together. That'll come out in two favorite accents. My baby, Charlie, my baby, I told it. Charlie. The shrapnel actually everything's up on the end. That's what fucking air gets me. That's up on the, hello. Hello, you. My name's Kelly. Everything's fucking wonderful. Archbucker. Yeah. Reckless Brown spiders. Archbacher rec loose brown spiders

Archbacher runs that country. Yeah, and I love him over there. Him and any ift. Yeah, they're really built a fan base there and it's fucking he's a comedy. Can you really build the fan base? I mean, just keep it up. I was thinking how many people are there? Because he kept on going back to the festival year after year

and you're looking at a comedy festival where there's 80% 80% of the people that go only go and see one show like and I go and see someone they've seen before that they know is good and it's normally large and about two other Australian guys like Will Anderson Dave Hughes. We're going to be in by the name of James Smith. He never did comedy like I don't remember him doing comedy in Australia. See okay didn't he fucking almost die? Yeah he got really sick on a back to Australia. What do you get sick of? Jesus. He got sick of me. I don't know what happens. I'm with the stomach and then he went back to Australia.

And he hasn't been back. And he hasn't been back. He hasn't been back. Wow. He was just gone. Who's fucking gone? You see every night and he was gone. Every night fucking being condescending, asking questions.

He had the Barry Kat syndrome. We would ask you fucking a million questions. Bobby one time goes, okay, from now on, James, you're limited to five questions for each person tonight. You're so funny. Because what do you mean, he said, you can only ask him for each person five questions

and that's another thing. That would crush my soul. You're gonna be going like this. One. Oh man. Three. It's soul crushing. One more motherfucker.

You always got to walk a little bit. That's what Barry Katz does. Barry Katz will sit there and just ask you questions and slowly get more personal in them. And it's almost therapeutic because we all want to answer questions. We all want to talk and have people ask us stuff. And all of a sudden, you're answering questions like,

yeah, I mean, I was thinking of getting a vice-sector to me, but my mother, what the fuck am I telling you this for? And all you're just in this deep shit, and it's like, you got me talking for a half hour, you've told me nothing, nothing, all you've gotten a million things out of me, and I know nothing about you. You could fucking, fucking write a book,

I hate people like that. And Smitty used to do that all the time He just asked you questions and cater to your fucking ego and he like said when you went on the fucking tour with Dine was it I was the bus was it good bus? Yeah, the bus was no I like bus is a cool man And then I'm just in details and he's not even listening at this point You're just looking at you like keep talking you fucking fat ass, so And he's not even listening at this point. You're just looking at you, like,

keep talking, you fucking fat ass hoe. Usually a podcast works like this, that's one guy talks. Who listening? And not everybody just stares at that one guy. I know you're all tired and hot, because I turn the AC off and fuck you, honey, too. Okay, because I turned your mic on finally and you could have saved me.

You all just scared me. So at one point, somebody jumps in and shut somebody down Fucking you know what I'm ending the show. It's fucking over. You know what that's it. It's over Fuck you you fucking you and honey Fuck you I try not to interrupt you. Oh, okay Somebody trying to get in Anyways, we got to wrap this up anyways. It's been a fucking long pause podcast. Yeah

Are you all right? Yeah, why are you not blinking at me? You've been staring at me Ghost face Maybe like to do with me a favor in this podcast when you're editing it Yeah, cut out the part where I go I knew Tom Papa was a fag Could you do that for me Now keep it in you didn't say I knew he was a fag I knew it you didn't say that Yeah, you said you cut it you said I knew it could you cut it who cuts things out of pot You want me to cut something out of the pot?

Now I'm gonna cut this! You fuck so I'm not cutting it! And if he can't take a joke, fuck him too! Where is that? It fuck you! I'm not fucking you! I'm not seeing an end! Fuck you!

He's gonna hurt you! No, fuck you, fuck you! Fuck you, fuck you! I'm gonna fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! Thank God you're on opposite sides of the scene. You guys don't know. You don't know. He broke a rib. You broke a rib? He's a rib.

No, my rib. Fuck's rib, you think. That's why they care about you more than me. See that? Who's rib? Your rib, Colin? Who's it's fine, Paisen? Oh, thank God.

You're all right, Colin. Colin, okay. Is Colin okay? Was this when you were boxing? Outed Tom Papa on the podcast. He's Colin okay. Was this when you were boxing outed Tom Papa on the podcast? He's not gay I agree he's married He's got two kids. He was making out of the guy in the alley. He wasn't it was a joke All right, what the fuck happened to you? You do one Broadway thing and all of a sudden you corporate fucking Colin. I can understand that Never mind. I don't want to say it on the air. Here's oh First of all, here's the thing if you want me to cut something

You don't fucking mix it in through the whole thing So I got to just delete the whole podcast just say it at the end and no one would know I go back in everything's fucked all right. I was joking Colin Quinn. It was All right, don't say that. Now we're getting duty-bid to it. Alright. Don't say last name. Can you blink just one time? You're staring at me like a fucking praying mantis, mom. Trying to be attentive.

Alright, no. They do that by talking, not staring. This isn't a fucking, I'm not a peep show, okay? It's a podcast. Mo, thanks for coming on. Thank you. Could you cut? People now though are gonna wonder if you if you cut that and then you keep in what if you keep in any Request to cut something we don't need to we don't really need to I don't cut anything out of it We don't really need to cut it. He didn't really say it was a joke. It was kidding out of it. We don't really need to cut it. He didn't really say it was a joke. It was kidding. He never cuts any of that. He's nice kidding. He didn't think it was, he was joking

with me. It was a joke. Like I joke him and then he joked me and then we joked each other. It wasn't like he went, I knew he's a fag fucking bit of a, he just said, I knew it. He was kidding. And there was the fucking joke. That was the joke. And then we all laughed. Yes. See what I'm saying? Yeah, it was a fucking joke. I call my wife, he's gonna be, and we moved on. I just said on the podcast to entertain some asshole in a queue right now, or a fucking semi going down the road with a fucking load of dishwashers, trying not to kill himself. So he would laugh and he'd hear that now. It's just fucking overboard.

Yeah. But now he gets a little inside on the podcast. I know it's all unedited. Behind the podcast. I never read it. I did. I did. I did. What was it? Yeah, what was it? I'm not telling you. It's gonna be a special. That's a special. David is special. Anyways, Mo, thanks Morgan Murphy, writer for the two and a half girls. I Doesn't matter anymore What's the girl girls two girls want For two girls what's the show Two gold girls. What is it honey? Two broke girls. You like the show right? Yeah, I do okay two broke girls actually in the show. I like the show

I like but I actually think it's It's kind of edgy. I like it's funny and it's joke joke joke joke. It's fun. It's very funny show It really is and I'm not just saying that because you're on the show on my show I like the show and I told you that too out of the Whitney shows that I saw This one was really good and I told that to everybody Kelly hello, hello, what's your Morgan Murphy at Morgan Murphy on Twitter? Yeah, underscore Morgan underscore Murphy couldn't get there's another Morgan Murphy I'm a Morgan Murphy son of a bitch. Can you guys please attack this person who got more who's Morgan Murphy?

I know I do real estate No idea real estate I don't know someone has more than Murphy graphic Design I know really Follow some fat college girl doesn't even use Twitter anymore. She used it for six months at the end of her fucking college semester Just to get some friends and now she's married with kids in another time. It's a good backstory I was gonna a little more detail So quick trying to put a built-in pool seems like a good backstory for a Twitter account Yeah, you could make some money on that.

Ooh. Call it Backstory. Oh. At Backstory. It's gone. Meta. It's gone. Yeah, it's going to get on.

It's very meta. One of the funniest Twitters you and Colin, by the way, hi. Hi, my name is Tim. To my favorite. Yeah. If I had to pick funny Twitterers, it'd more go with definitely the idea.

I'd follow you, Morgan. And Colin, the would definitely be on it. I follow you Morgan. Colin the other day on Friday was the best thing ever. Did anyone know about you doing the community stuff? Oh, thanks. That was the fucking best thing ever where everyone was writing about his own community show. Yeah. We're like, you in it and Vars, like everyone was like, no, no. Colin is probably...

You won Twitter, he's the best, it's great. Colin is probably one of the best Twitter's out there for the best because you actually, you're making fun of it while doing it and people don't get it, but some people, it's, people not getting it is the greatest thing in the world. It's almost the funniest.

I'll start following you. Whoa. I think she just knighted you. Kelly, what's your Twitter name? Twitter, it's Kelly for Stugos, I'm sorry for following you. Whoa! I think she just knighted you. Kelly, what's your Twitter name? Twitter, it's Kelly for Stucco, so it's K-E-L-O-Y-F-A-S-T-E-C-A-E. Dan Soda. Alright, Dan Soda.

Oh, burr. Alright, Dan Soda. Ah, that haircut. He's just fucking hilarious. It's fucking awful. I'm gonna go get it a couple more. Can I, he has a can-can girl fucking haircut. Buh-buh, buh-buh, buh-buh, buh-buh. Dan's a flapper. Hey, can I promote a thing? Can I he has a can can girl fucking hair

Dan's a flapper Hey, can I can I promote a thing before I go yeah, I'll be on tech talk Caught what you yeah, you Twitter at what I am calling coin at I am I am calling when at I am calling Yeah, it's not just I'm calling. I'm calling you need the Yeah, you got anything else for any gigs. Nope any gigs No, no, no, well then I will I was in Atlanta last week Check out make sure make sure you go to YKwd podcast at ykwd on Twitter and Why kid was it ykwd podcast?

Facebook and Twitter cuz we'll upload all the pictures in the video is there for you and we're trying to get a date for Kelly So yeah, you gotta work through those dudes if you gonna if you want to go on a date for cat with Kelly Me and me and Dan are gonna vet Twitter dick you want it you want it. We got to get more a date with Kelly. Me and Dan are going to vet Twitter dick. You want it? We got to get more going to date too. I'll take one. Listen.

I'm not going to fight going through that. We'll go through. We'll get, let's get Kelly one and then we'll work on Morgan. All right? Because we're going to go. She's doing all right. Yeah, the guy's going to apply for her. It's going to be weird.

I know. You should see some of the guys on Facebook. They got to tell me about it. Here's Dan. Here's how you do it. Listen to me. This is the phases class. If you got the boss, my father's a three.

That's what I'm getting, 55 year old guys going to say. Yeah, old Navy guys. Yeah. Real. Anchor tattoo for the forum. Yeah, a lot of tiny, a lot of weed smokers, a lot of big dudes. If you want a date, Kelly, you got an email,

YKWD at ryecast.com. You have to email a photo, a bio, your cox eyes, your likes and dislikes, and where you're gonna go on a date. We need to know it all. Okay, we want a photo too, legitimate photo. We don't want fucking your high school photo. If you say 43, you better look like a 43-year-old. We don't want to see you in your 20s on a fucking Skadoo at Lake Winner Bersocki.

You're a good boy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy.

You're a good boy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy.

You're a good boy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy. Yeah, but meanwhile he calls me like, dude, do you got the, you got the tour guys? I'm used to that one, dude. You got the old one where I'm smoking the cigarette and winking, really taking a hot one on the shelf. Oh boy. I'm really yesterday. You got to use the sexy Bob one. He does, he does sexy Bob.

He admitted that he masturbates to the thought of making out sometimes. To the thought of making out. It's just a very bushing it. A bushing booby gilly. to the thought of making out sometimes. To the thought of making out. Which is very I Do you know Billy Kelly coming? I don't remember that funny If it was a slice of pizza they'd be like wait one second I want to kiss you but first these pieces of pepper only piece up Must-mein find its feet All right, listen podcast Thanks for doing the show. This is an awesome podcast call. Thanks coming back on

Thank you. Thanks coming on. This is awesome. YKWD, spread the word, go to iTunes, subscribe, and leave a review. Spread the word, tell your friends. That's how we stand atop 100. It's not the downloads. It's the subscriptions and the reviews. Make sure you have five star reviewers. Leave a nice review.

Don't fucking, I don't want to hear your critiques of the show. Okay, I'm really down to it. I can care less what you think. For free, once a week for you, cunts. Okay, the money that I make off of this goes back into buying shit for this to make it better. We just want you to be happy. That's all, right Dan? Yes. That's all we want.

Just laugh. If you don't laugh laugh move on to a more interesting podcast like Maybe another acronym Now I'll talk to you later You stinkin' stinkin' You know what I did? I'm stuck in the water, I'm stuck in the water You know what I did? Look at this box, I'm stuck in the water You know what I did? Really dude, really, really, really Don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan.

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