Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Rachel Feinstein, Mike Cannon | There You Go

Episode Date: May 15, 2022

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I do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. in Tampa, Big Weekend, Mother's Day, family went down, spent it with the cults, all kinds of stuff. And I should have took tonight, I should have just got a guest host. No, but I don't do that because I'm the most consistent podcast. If, yeah, maybe some are bigger, maybe some are better, maybe they make more money, but not consistent, not like me, not every week, pretty much almost.

For 15, 20, 30, 14 years, I've been here for you truckers, uh, uh, keeping you up at night. I've been here for you chubby's home, you wife. Nuh, nuh cigar listening to me tell you the way it is I'm speaking your voice All you women out there who like guys like me. I'm here for you belly button hernia Dead toenail varicose veins Couple skin tags. I'm here for you Okay, not everything's hot pickles not everything's smoking oh awesome

gorgeous look how good I look look at my sneakers fuck I'm a man and I'm the last one of them I'm a right down the middle blue collar from Medford Massachusetts man I'm right here I'm not too smart I'm not too dumb I'm not too in shape but I ain not too smart. I'm not too dumb. I'm not too in shape But I ain't too fat and I'm here for you women

I'm here for you men and some of you little rascals out there that need a fucking learn a thing or two about a thing or two we're back With you know back again When she told me who's on I go why is he on again? And she goes you told no con I was like oh I did no of course Complosh Complosh me Kasa Su Kasa Mike Cannon is here to back you are in a good mood man We are back I'm back listen man a lot of stress is off my plate. Yeah, you could see a lot I mean look at my gut when you say that I I didn't mean to, but you have a stain.

Let's not a stain. Let's just sweat. Let's powder. I had it's powder. It's a fire. It's from a tape of meal. I think it's from Peter bread. Which I shouldn't be having, but I had a special.

Yeah. What'd you have after? What was your post? I know we're skipping ahead a little bit. What's your you're you're burying the lead. I know, but I'm so angry. You're gilding the lily. That's kind of how I celebrate now, too,

since I don't just get blacked out and fall asleep at a bar. And it was. I just eat. You got to be careful, dude. Because I used to be. I still work out. It used to be pussy with me. Can you still say that?

Don't I used to be pussy? I used to tear and this and pushuss. I mean, that's that's where it starts to get problematic. Where the puss is tearing into. Why? I didn't tell you I believe me. I've never tearing into anything. I've been my way in and went, I'm here. What? No, I'm just going to. Yeah. Rachel's coming, but she's late. I mean, she's always late. She won't be here until fucking 10. That's okay.

I had a barbecue for her. To a barbecue. To a barbecue. For her baby. For the baby. For her, her husband, she showed up two and a half hours late. And then had a leave early. She was pregnant.

That's who, no, the baby was there. In the pool. I had a five-butt baby floats and everything for a little baby to be in the pool. Wow. Didn't go in once, huh? She, no, the baby did go in with Pete. Because she married a man.

Yeah. Yeah, she's a, he's a fireman. He's a chief. He's gorgeous. He's a chief. Yeah. He is, he's fucking problematic. He is.

Like having to around my wife. They're good audience members. He said, I haven't had a firehouse in a long time, but stripping. Stripping? Yeah, I haven't wacked my deck in front of a bunch of mustacheed alphas, but in a while. But yeah, comedy wise, they're also great. Yeah, comedy wise and stripping wise. They're good.

Especially with your ass. You're a clank of tang, tang. I bet I could wear a wig in full couple. What do you mean? Like I bet if I wore a wig and not show the front of my body, I could fool a few. With your bum. With my ass, yeah.

Oh. And my sleek back. Because it's not just ass. The ass can distract for so long, but eventually you start seeing that Michael Phelps V down to the waist and you're like, well, that's a fella. It's the spine. You have a. A lady spine.

You have a feminine spine. No hair, no nothing. It's very contoured. Yeah, yeah, and sleek. Yeah, if you put a little G string on those hips, oh my God. You shaved those fucking brutal legs. That is the brutal legs, those I've, I've like, Irish milks.

Yeah. Like, it's just terrible. They should, they're only going to get worse as you get older. Um, no, but so she's coming. That might be her right now. She probably come up. That's her. Yeah. She's panicking, beeping twice. You're making some real deep eye contact so far and it's rumbling. What do you? I'm looking at you with it. I know. I guess so much connection.

I don't know what's happening right now. I don't understand that. What do you want me to do? It's nothing. I don't know, but it's something about you. Are you high right now or are you so? No, no, I'm fine. But you're over at the meaner.

There's no overload. I'm looking at you. I'm positive. I'm throwing me a little bit. A big thing. I think you're locked in. A big thing with me is eye contact. Yeah.

Me too. I didn't know my grandfather had blue eyes until I was, I think, 19 years old, 20. In sobriety, my sponsor was like, look people in the eyes. Yeah. My parents taught me that. That was a huge thing about respect. Never. I looked at my grandfather's eyes, and I go, you have blue eyes. He goes, parents taught me that. That was a huge thing about respect. Never. I looked at my

grandfather's eyes where I go, you have blue eyes. He goes, what the hell are you talking about? Thought it was a fucking queer. I think what are you? Okay? What are you looking at? Go 90 times. Yeah, so I look at people's eyes. I make my son do that too. Yeah. He does not want to look in your eyes. No, kids don't. They're like fucking dogs. They're just avert your pupils. It's a good way though, because when he lies, he can't do it. And I know he's lying and then he giggles. Big thing with me is truth. You get, do whatever the fuck you want.

Just tell me the truth. Please tell me the truth. If you lie to me, we broke trust. That's right. Whatever you do, we can make it through. There she is. How you doing? How are you?

Look at, she's, stop for a second. Joe, can you do me a favor? There's a bug on at you. Look at you. Stop for a second. Joe, can you give me a favor? There's a bug on Rage. No. Stay right. Stay there. Don't move. Joe, it's right.

Stay. Don't move. Do not move. Stay there. It's inter-ompet. Grab it. All right. Take it off.

Oh, Jesus. No. That's way better. Okay. Lizzie. You. What is that? It, no, it's just like a smear. It's not even a bug. Okay. It's not a bug.

I just didn't want you to get a... You got a chocolate or something. What are you fucking binge eating late at night? Well, pizza at the firehouse. Be right back. I really am a pig. That's all right, don't worry about it. Oh, there you go.

It's a little nugget. I'll put the sweater back on. You look too hot for this podcast. You look, why are you always looking? She's like the Jackie O of comedy. Really well dressed. The Jackie O. Time, yeah.

She's never not a fucking million. Yeah, yeah, I've seen Amy walk through it. I'm like, what, did you just, did you just, did you just, did you just, did you just, did you just, did you just, did you just get out of a bed? Did you just get out of a bed? Did you just get fucking PJs on, one eye is open, the other one's shut.

This one never has comes in. Look at it, what are you gonna get that? Where do you even get an outfit like that? And my husband, not a fucking compliment. Yeah, you know why though? But I don't see, but nothing. I mean, nothing. I'll be like, do I look okay?

There you go. That's what he says. There you go. What you say when you're like serving meatballs to someone, there you go. There you go. You say when you're like serving meatballs to someone. There you go. I love you. I love Pete so much.

Man, I'm gonna incorporate there you go. I'm taking there you go. No. That is awesome. That makes me sick. I'm not kidding when I tell you this story. I fucking FaceTime Tim backstage from that Netflix special thing I was doing.

Doesn't, I've told him many times. You send a text when someone's doing a text forget flowers oh no put your headphones on so you can hear how loud you get sorry I'm just assume I'm an unacceptable loud nasally chew but she's I'm like just a text something you know like flowers like fumeant never, like not even just, you know, nothing. I'm about to go on stage, I get a message to text for my opponent, I'm like, what is this? I can't open it, guess bill. I'm like, what?

Except sorry, but you, the guess bill. I'm like, I'm about to go on for my Netflix special. Make them laugh, go get them. There you go. I go, do you wanna see my outfit? I'm gonna to go on for my Netflix special. Make them laugh, go get them. There you go. I go, do you wanna see my outfit? I'm gonna FaceTime you. I'm on, he goes, now I'm on with Gabe. It's high school friend.

I called Gabe, I was like Gabe, tell this dummy. He's like, I'll tell him he doesn't know, you know? But then when he does, he's not like, oh, I'm so, he's like, yeah, anyway. Yeah, that's a problem. Tom is a rock. Yeah, and you, you know, let me tell you something though. You did a good job because the day he does go bad,

you look prettier than I've ever seen. You're gonna break down and fucking lose your shit. Here's the, I used to say this all the time. My mom said I loved you every second I left the house. Every, I love you, I love you too. I love you, I love you too. My stepdad said I love you once at my graduation. I was like, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you too My stepdad said I love you once at my graduation. I was like, I love you I lost it

So yeah good for you You're right the answer is to have a non-supportable. Yeah, not to traumatize you if you ever kind to I tell you play some soft piano music under that and Bobby breaks it all down for it. Rachel, Rachel. I did not get like. I clean the house one day when we lived in New York. Don came home and cried. Yeah, low expectations in that way. Yeah, keep them low.

Yeah, I cleaned the whole house. Everything. She came in and she goes, you clean the house. Oh, I was like, yeah. And she went, oh my god. I was like, yeah, there you go, baby, for you. Closes I've ever come to get in my ass eat was when I swiffered the floors. That is the funniest thing I've ever heard.

Closes I've ever come. Like what would the other close boys? It didn't even happen either. Just almost did. She came up. Yeah. She was working near that area. Yeah, I was like, bless her for that.

She pushed you, swift your ass holka. She smelled like fucking, yeah, for some reason. Penny's hold up. Smell. Oh. Yeah. I wish you swift your ass holka. He smelled like fucking pennies. Hold up. He smelled all. Oh my God. Well, that's great. Now you were in Netflix. It was like a Netflix as a joke festival.

Yeah, I remember. I was actually invited to it. I was on a poster. Somebody sent me a post and they never sent it off. What? You were on a post your face. I swear to God, somebody sent me a post. Hey never sent an offer. What? You were on your page. I swear to God somebody sent me a post. Hey, Mal, see you next week. You're at the thing. And I was like, I call my agent, I go,

Hey, man, I remember you called me about this Netflix thing. And I said, yeah, you said, just say, yeah, I was like, whatever. Oh, yeah, they never call back. No, I was like, what? Your face was on the actual post. No, my name is on the poster. Oh my God, this business is so dumb. Yeah, Google it. That's like, that means this is what that means. They said, we'll just have Robert Kelly here too. And then they were, Hey, blah blah, you want to put Bobby? No. Hey, Bill,

you want Bobby? No? Hey, again Amy now Because it was all shows and friends. That means every single person that had a show now we're good Yeah, that's the only reason I did it because I was on Amy's show. Yeah, you are an Amy Yeah, everybody just thinks I'm a resistant. They just Paula like pile codes on top of my head They're like how's her Thursday? Like how's her Thursday? That's shit. That's shit. Or that just means that they're wildly disorganized and they just forgot that they didn't send you the offer.

No, that was one of the biggest companies in the world that fun. Well, they are dropping. Whoa. The plummet. Last week with the fucking now this week. I would love to be on them. I'd love to help rise the ship, but I'm fortunate. There it is right there. Where's my name? Where's my name? Is my name there? It's in fucking five

There Look at that. I am down Robert I was definitely somebody else canceled and then because I don't see myself I mean But he was like some day had another fun-loving girl that did characters kind of heart attack. The Generance Live. A broken leg. I'm out there.

Line up subject to change. I am not there. You'll there too? No. Line up subject to change. Line up subject. Yeah, that's where I am. I'm under that umbrella.

I'm always eight point he'll that I can run a positive toe. You're the surgeon general, Warren. The only festival that treats me right is just for laughs. You're the only one that. The only festival that treats me right is just for laughs. Yeah, the only one that's ever treated me correctly. They also don't like me. Well, maybe they will. They'll change. One day.

Yeah, I've never like won things. People win concerts in a war. Ever since fucking kickball, when I was the very last person to ever be chosen for kick. People would fight. One guy pushed another guy because he was left with me. So go fuck, take it or? I never went on anything, I never won any of that.

Never won any of that. I never could. I never could. You always capped him. Well, it's the worst. Chris Bratchett, my best friend. Always capped him. My best friend in Westmeaver, he lived across the street.

He was in the wee blows, which is before the Boy Scouts. Okay. And he used to take me, but I couldn't afford to go He was in the wee blows, which is before the Boy Scouts. And he used to take me, but I couldn't afford to go and be a member, my mother couldn't afford. So I would just go and sit in the wee blow meetings. And he had the wee blow, the little scarf with the wee blow metal and the sash. And they had a, they had a raffle for a Christmas tree one year.

And I had a ticket, they got me a ticket, and he won. And I was like, he wins everything. I remember just crying, because I didn't get the Christmas tree. It was so sad, I mean. I know those moments, they stay with us. That's why we're like, yeah. Yeah, I'm a sort of tiny Tim.

Oh, you're like big Bob. Yeah, I'm just a sad boy crying at other people winning. I've never want to raffle in my life. My mom used to set up these things with like, it was like a talent show with all my friends. And even then I wouldn't win. Like they would all win. My mom's the fucking judge with a fuck.

I always got most generous. I'm like, that's not an award. Well, you're generous. I was the only thing she could ever think to say about me. But I think you guys have been prepared for life better because I won a lot of shit early in life. You got like mountains of ass and high school. You had a choice of, yes.

I did okay, yeah. And sports and all that stuff. And I won raffles. I like won a soccer ball in my first raffle because I wish you were at. Yeah, you're just brought. And my mom was like, that's right. You put your mind to it.

You could do whatever you want. And I was like, you got to him right, Kate. And I like, I've just spent my life agreeing with that because why wouldn't it? And I just have been stunned ever since what things don't work out. Do you know that people, successful people really do write shit down and put shit out there verbally?

It's like a bit, it's like a real thing that. Well, I lose a debit card every week. down and put shit out there verbally. Yeah. It's like a bit, it's like a real thing that you can do. Well, I lose a debit card every week. I am shedding debit cards. I've lost my passport so many times. I'm on like an actual watch list. Like they, I have, I am definitely on a federal watch list.

She shouldn't leave or come back in the country. It's dumb, dumb, skank. She's the stupid, come back in the time. It's dumb dumb skank. She's the stupid or she's a spy Absolutely true No one is this dumb impossible that she's not sneaky. She married a firefighter Either she's just stupid or brilliant. Oh brilliant. Yeah, God damn it. So did you shoot a special? No, I was on Amy's it was Amy's uh, it was Schumer and friends.

Was the name special. It was like Netflix and so we all like outside. No, it was inside God. I hate an outside show. Nothing on funnier than wind. It worries interrupting and pocket punchlines. Just hearing just a cat or a car door or the bouncy house next to the Skengfest outdoor stage Hockey sack near the stage That one though that was the only outdoor stage that I've liked it was alright, but it was still annoying I don't think you hear a car going by in the highway in the distance I mean because of the pandemic. I am wildly used to all that shit I got heckled by like a crackhead in Coney Island while I was performing to cars.

So there was no laughs to be had. There's beeps. There's flashes. And then this guy's like, fuck you, bro. Like from outside defense and just threatening. I'm just like, well, I was so bad. But he like, he said I was nothing. And I was like, I've never agreed for it.

I've been Coney Island during the pandemic. He said you're not that you agreed with him. I was just like I know you're like the loveliest for why was what joke made him this furious. He was he just noticed light so I think he just was shouting at the light. We did the Conan the Colin thing the HBO thing. Yes. And that was talking to the microphone. We can't hear you. Sorry. Just turn it towards your mouth. All right. Yeah. Move. Keep that was talking to the microphone. We can't hear you. Sorry. Just turn it towards your mouth. All right. That move. Keep Bobby. I don't understand. The end of the day. I'm just a fool in a hole. A pointless hole. Did I say that out loud? It's one of the funniest things. It's one of the funniest things that she does.

these things. These are the funniest things she does. She knows me when I was sexy. She does that. She does that. She does that. The voice. All the waitresses. She's like, it's my turn. It's my turn. I want Bobby dick tonight. Bobby said he put me in the pictures of I sat in his lap naked for a half an hour. There was always a sad waitress at the end of the night waiting for leather jacket Bobby. Some waitress fucking believing in his horseshit near just waiting. Oh, I love you. His moves were hilarious. Just give like a slow face rake. I'll see you later, right?

See after my 1210. Well, you know, I'll never see him. He's a bad boy. You know, never I told him I was special. I told him I had golden pussy, but he didn't believe me. I was laughing so hard at because of how different it is now. Yeah. Now it's in itself that didn't need to be. I mean, we got that. I mean, you could have let me just have a couple. I'll be back. I mean, I've been saying that for eight years.

I bet you could. Come back fully? No. No, you can't get abs. You're done in that respect. All right, let's settle down. But I mean, this could happen if there was a lot of abs. You could be like the guy from American History X who is now like a power lifter looks big and you know just just does power

lifting. Um, I don't know. I do want to get thin this summer. I want to just get thinner because my I talking about this will bring this up. You asked me on my special I shot my special. This you're right there. Fucking camera guy who just bumped into the fucking camera. Did she? Did you fuck? Do you? Where about that camera? Not this one. You fucking asshole. That's coverage. Right? You're not taking pictures. Yeah, we're videotaping. We're taking pictures too. We'll let you have approval. Oh, God, it's terrible. They have. Can I have approval? They say to me. years of being mistreated. Business Bobby. You wait a minute, you're telling me,

I don't know about mean things being said, well, any fucking orca, butter bean, fatso, fat fuck, you're gonna die, your kids not gonna have a dad. Please don't tell me about mean things being said. Okay, I can't go to Reddit. Lewis Gomez said, don't go, I don't go, me goes, yes, okay, I can't go to Reddit. Lewis Gomez said, don't, I don't go, me goes, yes, no, you don't go to Reddit.

Yeah, specifically. There's no reason. Yeah, dude, so I get mean shit too. Every photo that's ever taken to me is, if you read comments there underneath it, it's the way it is. And I accept it, I don't care. I don't care, I don't read, I don't read I don't read nice comics. I don't read good ones

I do I care about all of it. You really I don't Yeah, I mean I try I try I work on it. I try but I just want people No, I mean I am such a people please like I like during COVID. I never cared I was like whatever what am I supposed to do Fine. Because I don't care about disease or death. I never worry about all I worry about is people are mad at me. I've never cared about it. No fear of death.

Just more fear than somebody's mad at me. Why somebody? I'm thinking about why somebody didn't call me back. I'm not thinking about death. Me, really? Yeah, no. Everybody's always like, dad, I'm like, hmm, doesn't come up much.

It's no, but somebody said my arms were fat on Twitter six years ago. And I can tell you it's an like, hmm, doesn't come up much. It's no, but somebody said my arms were fat on Twitter six years ago. And I can tell you his entire name. The town he came up in. With the entire story. You can describe his fun loving family photo. Where you gotta let it go. That's always the best.

We didn't have the fat arms no question mark. He wanted me to co-sign his insult. He's like, fat arms no. It's not always the best when somebody just like, viciously insults you, you go to their profile and it's a picture of like them with their daughter and dog. And you're like, I'm all gonna flag and across this fucking prick. It's it sucks because bullying back in the day was in I think junior high in high school.

And then you went to college and bullying was pretty much over. You didn't really get bullied and then it workplace bullying has been happening for a long time though. But yeah, but not you could still fight it out or something. But now it's like you get bullied. I'm 51. I get verbally bullied when I turn my phone on and I'm like I love you too son. Thanks honey. And then I go to Twitter and I'm like, huh? And it's just being attacked. Isn't that funny? And all I tried to do was put a tweet out and I put the wrong two in.

I didn't put the other two. You fluck in fat dumb fuck. It's like, okay, well I'm out. I'm out. I am not Tim Dillon. I don't know how to tweet. Certain people that do things great. Certain people love that shit too.

Gomez loves. You can give a fuck. You could say anything. I feel like that. He knows what it is. He doesn't like care. No, because he knows who he is. Yeah.

He accepts who he is. And he knows that the stuff bullshits. Who drugs? Yeah, it bothers me every single time I take a moment from looking at my son in the eyes, look at my phone for somebody to call me gay. It's terrible. Every single time I'm like, man, I just could have had a real connection with my boy and instead I'm like, heard again. Yeah.

I had a rolled ones too, ancient ones. Like I remember in seventh grade when a guy was like, it seems like the thighs that you're at the space at the top of your thighs is like way bigger. And then the rest of your legs are like normal. What happened with that? Like he wanted answers for his insult. He wanted me to write up a report to explain my thighs to him. I love this guy.

He walked me home. I thought that was going to be the moment. But no, he was like, can I get some hard answers about what's mangled about your thighs? It's not good. No, it's not good. But you're okay, you're beautiful. You have a beautiful baby, and you have a beautiful husband

who saves lives. That's pretty cool. Yeah, I have a wife that makes PBJs. No. Don is incredible. No, she's incredible. Anyways, I shot my special this week. I want to talk.

First of all, I want to say thank you to coastal creatives. I want to thank everybody at Side's but as the whole crew of coastal creatives and Side's butters. And I want to thank Leah and Louie and the Marks brother. I want to thank Leah and Louis and Mark's brother. I want to thank all the ladybugs too. Ladybugs are fucking great. All the fans of the podcast sent all this cakes and desserts

and all this congratulations shit. That's awesome. They all spent their own money and had it shipped out there. And when I got off stage, there was all this stuff waiting for me and cards. And it was fucking, I was so unexpected and so amazing. And a bunch of them flew in and were there and drove in for it. So it was great, but it was holy shit. I mean, we took this room and made it into this insane club.

It was like just open warehouse. And then Louise people went in and just, I said, this is what I want and then they fucking made it. Wow. And it was, I mean, fucking beautiful. Really surreal. What was the set? I wanted it to look like Elvis is 68, come back special.

In that square, what people would just around you and they kind of went up. It had fencing too, right? Well, the fencing was around the top. Yeah, that's cool. So there was a little balcony. And then I wanted a band to bring me on. I've always wanted a live band to bring me on.

And Mike Kaltis band, Pitbull toddler. I'm like, why are we looking for a band? And I was like, Mike, because I don't want him to work on my, you know what I mean? And I was like, well, you do it. And he's like, yeah, we'll do it. He's called everybody. Pete, Gow, the whole band came.

They had a show up early. They were there all fucking day rehearsing. And they brought me on. So it's like, here's, I'm building up, building up. Louis directing this thing. And it's, it looks so pretty. It's so nice. This huge team got together to put this thing together.

And, and I'm waiting by the door. It sold out in 15 minutes, both shows. It's like, this is awesome. And I'm way I'm fucking been working and working at this. And and they see and I hear Mike a bad bad man. There's a gentleman, Robert Kelly. And I opened the door and I walk out in this fucking asshole We went to the bathroom late just runs in front of the shot I hope they have I hope they have my I hope they have the edges of me going I looked really fucking

So mad it's so funny because I know wasn't a phantomine It was a fucking phantomine's friend of whoever who's banging Because if a phantomine wouldn't fucking move a Phantom I wouldn't fucking move her wet. I have to pee to out from her seat This was like I could go the bathroom just wait. I have to pee, twat from her seat. This was like, I could go to the bathroom. Just wait, I have to go. What are you gonna do? I'll be right back.

And then went, and the guy was like, wait, wait, wait, wait. And he said, just let me go back and she ran right in front of me. And I heard, I heard, sorry. So somebody tried to stop her. I look, they said my name and she ran through the shot. You and Chappelle. Amazing. So I'm like, what the fuck?

And I get on stage and my knee on that Monday, I put in a sock on and I pulled it out of a whack block. I had to go have 10 ounces of fluid drained from my knee. I had to have a shot in my knee. So I'm like, you know what? It's good. That morning I'm putting a sock on, like a fatsu, and I pulled it again.

I go on stage, my knee buckles and folds. Like, I'm like, oh my God. I'm like, in my head, I'm like, I'm gonna fall. Like my knee is gonna give out. And I'm like putting all my pressure on my left side. But I'm like, whatever, we got it. We got it. I get into the flow, right?

With driving, boom, boom, boom. I'm hitting gears, gong, gong, gong. I'm killing, bye, bye, bye, bye. Bye, bye, around 25, 30 minutes in, bang, bang, bang. Bang, helper. Helper, please somebody, helper. What, oh my god. Oh my god. I look

friends. Second row. Setter stage. Some poor guy's wife had an episode. What kind of episode? She's I don't know what it was. Will she coming or dying? She's she's like this episode. Had an episode of what?

Frazier? She I don't know. She's like this episode Had an episode of what? Frazier she I don't know she was not moving. Oh dear And it was hot in there. They got new ACs and everything But they didn't account for the 400 people that were gonna fucking be in there So and there was no power a bad boy Bobby How are you guys we could add that out if you please? I said with the power of bad boy Bobby That's what I have the lady what really happened with Bobby popped his collar in that moment in our heart explode

Yeah I look at this poor guy felt so bad. I'm like Is she okay? And he's like no she's not he was panting his wife So does that mean to do his girl. And I gave my, I was like, take my water. And then everything just went nuts. People just came out, people will get out of the seat. They started just putting chairs from the audience up

on the stage. And then I stepped off the stage, I'm by the back doors. And I'm just sitting there looking at, I'm out of body experience. Were you doing two shows? Was this it? I settled down before you bury the story. I wish Pete was here to tell you to shut up.

I was, what, what's that happened at the end? But what happened at the end? My kids are confused. It's like watching over with my wife. Does he survive? I don't know, dumb dumb. Let's watch the movie. Fair enough, fair enough. I'm literally, I felt like I was in a car accident.

You know, you drive it along. Yeah. You ever get in a car and then I was sitting there just on the side of the road, my socks off. Like, what, you alright? I don't know. Oh my God. I was so, I was literally just a fucking killing it. Bing bang. What's up? Given those fucking the special looks. What was it? The lady that walked

in front? No, that would have been different. Instant karma. No. I mean, they shut the showdown, dude. It was fucking nuts. And then Louis was like, we're good. There he is. They got the poor lady out. And then they filled the seats as quick as they could and they're like, go ahead. I'm like, okay. Did you talk about it? I did, but I don't know what I said. It was like being in a fight.

Yeah. I know I was getting laughs on it. Anybody come out and do comedy before you? I had a kid. Oh, let's get to that at the end. I had somebody go on before me do 10 minutes. Then the band played one song and then they intro music me on. So it was, it was perfect, but it was a little, it was really hot. I had a towel. I was just, now I'm fucking, I'm just, I'm just, I'm pretty sure is really important with it. Very important.

You got to have them cold. Everything has to be cold. Have to be cold. And I go back on stage, I do the rest, I don't, I in my head I'm going, I'm missing jokes. I'm like, I forgot my set list. I didn't know where I was and I didn't know where I was going. So I was like, I'm forgetting a chunk, I'm forgetting a chunk. Just do this joke. I know but if I do that, I'm literally talking to myself in my head. I get off, hey, listen, I bing bang boom, professional 20s, 30 years in the business, but you want to feel that. Yeah, yeah. You want to feel that, fuck it, I'm killing it. It's just great.

I feel like you don't when you tape a special fully, right? Like there's a part of it that's very mechanical and you're watching it. Yeah, I mean I've I've had the opposite where I have felt it like that It's typically the first show because the second show for me has always been a little more rowdy and too drunk Because my friends go to that and they're super excited about it It's like whenever podcast fans or anything like that. That's usually the good one Well this one was I say, I'm sorry.

No, good. When I was taping my special like years and years ago, and I, and like an old comedy central hour, it actually, Louis said to me that the first show is a lot of the microphones. The first show is really high. Yeah, I had phones on you to hear. All right, all right, shut your mouth.

Well, I mean, what's your mouth, Bobby? Listen, you're on a spin, fucking ice. I want you to just see this old Jew fist Do you want me to do my wind up move with it cuz I don't want people to hear you? You sound great right now and you're like boss anyways. I was going over to here all right fair enough You scalded me enough times. Well, I mean the boss thing is what tipped it. Yeah, no the boss thing that really hurt That's what's the most necessary just right there is good. That's good. Okay. So anyway He was like the first show is gonna be I'm like the first show is unbelievable The second show they were like kind of drunk. But whatever I got in the first show

He's like the second show is your show the show when you're working for it like in the edit But I feel like sometimes that happens the show where you feel like like you have a- I always, I nail the first one. I nail the first one. But then when you watch the- The second one is like, let's have fun. Right, but then when you watch it, when you're in the edit, sometimes the second one is the one that you end up using more because that one you're really like trying.

Like the first one's like free or kind of all over the place, the crowd might have loved you more, but I find the second show is often the show where you like are more precise because you're working harder. Maybe, maybe. I was surprised at how much of the set, because I have typically my first album,

it was like 99% first show. Seconds, the one I filmed downstairs, that was almost all first show. And then this one, I had like, it was probably like 60, 40. I was surprised and I left the first show being one, I had like, it's probably like 60, 40, oh, surprised. And I left the first show being like, I think that's it. The second show, it's like,

sometimes you settle in where the first one might be so mechanical because you wanna get like the verbiage down perfectly, all the transitions that you've worked out, everything that I've just like beaten into. But I sometimes like, come off as if I'm reciting and it doesn't feel alive. And then the second show is where it's like,

it loosens up a bit and you're almost more conversation. But the problem with that is if I went up and did the first show regular, that might be the case. Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah, I mean, this situation, Yeah, this was, you're right. Nine hundred degrees.

I'm small, I'm hot. That, I'm off stage, I'm doing it, and then I was suddenly, I'm a regular person trying to help out an accident, you know? Question. Yeah. Did you find out what happened? Yeah, did you send the adabuller range? They sent me, the guy sent me a message,

and this is how old I am. I don't know what it was, if it was Facebook or Instagram, but he sent me a message, hey, I'm sorry about my wife what happened. She's fine, we love you, hope to see you in side splitters again. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros.

Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las conditions in Voletea.com. I didn't enjoy it. And I don't know what the fuck, Cab. I mean, even the end, like Max was gonna come out at the end. And I said, I'm gonna say, boom, boom, boom, when I step back, that's when you send him out. I step back and I'm still out there.

So I look like I'm just, like, just, keep waiting. Wait, wait. So, no, my head came, it comes on. I'm like, in my head, I'm like, send the fucking kid out. What do you want me to stay out of here for? In my head, I'm like, send the fucking kid out. What do you want me to stay out of here for? In my head, I'm yelling this. Where the fuck is he?

And then I'm like, fuck it. I just walked off, because I'm like, this is all fucked up. And then all of a sudden, Max comes running out and he ran right up on stage and I was like, okay, I go up and it was really cute what he did. He's like, I want to thank you for watching my dad's special. I'll give it up for my cultist band. And then he high-fived everybody. And then he took my hand and we walked away holding hands.

Wow. It was a nice moment. But we go the back. I was so far. That made me well up. That was nice. It was really nice. I guess the way that happened. Yes, but Louis had to give me, he gave me a Martin Luther King JFK Ali speech.

Al Pacino. And then at the end of it, he showed me a Tom Brady inspirational video. That's where I was at when he was like, dude, watch this video. Like, I was like, fuck. And then my eye hurt. I got a fucking stress headache in my eye. Oh, dude. Dude. And then he told me this really, I mean, he really opened up about his last special,

the first one that he shot at, you know, that first one was not good. And then he showed you some Steve Harvey memes. Steve, hot. Let me can I just say some I'll fucking I'll defend Steve Harvey till the day I die Holy shit is he fucking inspirational? It's my god. When is Steve Harvey? What those memes are some of the Dommest things I've ever seen in my life dude. You're sincere. Be humble and grateful He goes this is thing, be grateful. Me on.

Be humble. And be grateful and you'll be happy. Yeah, a lot of people have said that. I don't believe Steve Harvey wrote that. That's an original S.H. I'll say, no, then he came up with this concept of gratefulness. I like Steve Harvey.

I like to one another. Listen, I'm a common person. Steve Harvey is very inspirational to me. Okay, Bobby. You don't like Steve Harvey I'm not trying to get know why you're so angry settle the fuck down You snapping at me. You she snapping at I think I said a lot of nice fun loving things. Yeah, but you're snapping at For some reason, what do you want me to do? Do want me to go over there fan you should bake you something? Oh, just be nice. I mean, just joking around, Bobby, it's a podcast. You're being very hot about it.

That's not a push to you, God, back in the day. I say it like Steve Harvey, you're taking up the place. I say it like Steve Harvey, you fucking snap. Fuck you, you fucking dumb. You know what? Let's take it to the fucking tape, because I think it's a- Oh, go fuck yourself. Pretty sweet thing.

You called me an idiot a couple times Bobby No, your husband did Well, if we can look at the tape, but I'm pretty sure Bobby says meaner things to me, but I haven't said anything I've only compromised so you look beautiful. I say you look great. I've said nothing but nothing nice Thanks about you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You Must be she's supposed to go against positivity Shut your face. She's supposed to be she's supposed to go against positivity Having a fun moment about Steve Harvey. I like that. He's he's hilarious on family. I love I love family Viewed I was just joking about his inspiration. I'm not like taking a stance against them. I mean correct

Thank you. Thank you. Bobbi is out of his I love that she was early. I love it by Steve Harvey I am I love that you are Maybe I Know 100% on your I don't agree with you the money. I think I will stand by Steve Harvey I like Steve Harvey you can like Steve Harvey. No, I like it's inspirational You got to expect the comics are gonna find that funny. It's like yelling at me again. It's like Michael Scott Listen, I think about the Steve Harvey thing is a little queer But is she fucking snapping? I think I'm saying something emphatically on a podcast. I don't know what it fatically means What if that means I guess I guess you're terrible evil kind

What could mean less to be this Steve Harvey? It's the funniest thing for it. Bigger break down a both. Yeah, I use Steve Harvey close to get over it. Steve Harvey. We're particularly inspired. Have you read Think Like A Man too? I've never heard about anything less. Think like a man one was great. Was it? No, I have no idea. Oh my god. Think like a man is amazing. No, I have read it bookmarks. So There hilarious I think things like that are funny. What is funny about it? Just Those kinds of quotes are funny. They're make me laugh sometimes right somebody you know

No, I don't care. I joke with Billy about it all the time. We always send them back and forth, believe it or not. I don't care about that. I think that's funny. At least I'd be Steve Harvey thinks to make me laugh at like all of that.

I, let me ask you a question. It's not, it's not that. It's not, I have no problem with you. It's the way you're talking to me is I don't like, and it's probably has to do it. My wife, I think so. I was like, I'm not getting not here. She's yelling. No, if not, oh, why can't I try to just a gentler tone. I like when you talk like that. That's why you should talk to me. It's also fun to snap about Steve Harvey. Yeah, it is funny. That's a funny. That's a

funny thing. That was the thing and then I just softly let the studio, we couldn't work it out. What the fuck? You have to like, family barbecue's free here. I have. I have. When I said Steve Harvey's comments, or particularly inspiration. It's not about the Steve Curry, it's not about, she doesn't get it. She doesn't get it just like my wife.

Just like my wife doesn't get it. I get it because I've read my own comments. There's some because she's fucking get it. Oh fuck you, but let's do it. Oh fuck you Bobby How do you want me to spawn to that nicely? I don't like I'm obviously have fun loving fuck you or comics I'm just joking around. I'm happy to be here Bobby. I think it's your raspy voice There's something wrong with my voice, but I still came because I like my friend Bobby. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sensitive. And you told me I'm very sensitive.

I'm very sensitive. And I think I need to Steve Harvey quote you're a wide open wound. I'm a white. I have women issues. Yeah, I mean, this this show sounds traumatic just to bring it back. What? Yeah, take it anywhere else. What's up, baby?

I think Rachel was wrong, but I could have been wrong. That's me. Take it anywhere else. That's up baby. I think Rachel was wrong, but I could have been wrong. That's okay. Fuckin' hate you, neutral boy. No, I mean, there's probably most people do say that there's something distasteful about me. I read my own comments. Nobody sees me for me particularly. My?

That's what I said, I'm sensitive. My biggest fear on that special was going back out there. I was fucking for your second show. You know what, I'm gonna fuck this whole thing up. I'm gonna fuck it all up. I was hot. It was like 900 degrees. Louis, to his credit, fixed the monitors,

put fans on the stage, put a fan, shooting down on me. He went out and just said do this, do that, and changed the whole fucking thing. I went out there the second show. I didn't have to wipe my head once. I fucked up one joke. One joke at the end. I fucked up.

I did it backwards. And I did, I like mixed two jokes. I went and I was like looking out and I just went, ask suck my dick. And I was just like, and then I tried to, I was like, yeah, man, and I tried to redo it. Yeah. Just a nice reason. You should put that in the special because that's funny. Those moments are funny.

I don't know if it'll play. If it plays, I don't know. I do play, it's look at it. Yeah. But do it after. Like, actually, one of the ladybugs came out to me after he goes, you lost your way at the end there. I go, why?

Because you just went suck my dick out of the... Don't you love when people give you a report about your own show? It was right though. I mean, it was the exact moment when I was like, Yeah, fuck it. But sometimes those moments are tricky because sometimes when you say what you're actually thinking in the moment, like something great comes out of that.

So it's like, you know, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, I get you. I mean, it's, we're gonna put a bunch of that shit in. Why don't you, yeah, why don't you just put it post the clothes, like DuraDot. I did that with my second show with the VU. There was two Chinese men that were speaking full volume Mandarin for the first 25 minutes of my set.

They had no idea that comedy was even happening. They thought they were waiting for music, and I had to bend down and be like, this isn't the fish market. What's happening? Why are you talking so much? Yeah, I sense like crazy shit. You know, whatever, but I kept that at the end of my special. You said the fish market line in the special? I think I might have, yeah. I said something about them also giving me a pressure point and like sending me back to the homeland. Like, it's some crazy. You could also keep something at the end of the special.

I'm sorry. That you could all, that shocked me too. I'm like, wow. At the end of the special, you could all, he's the last person I would have ever thought, I'd be like, and then we put a right in right it's at the end you got to really watch it. The end of the special what I was going to say was if I can still have voice maybe that's a problem I'm losing my voice. I think it's your your voice. I think it when you yell it comes across as very mean.

Well, I'm sorry I love you. You know, I apologize. No, I apologize for some guy name Mr. Twatt Waffles did say I have a man voice like seven years ago on video and it stuck with me like man voice That's her problem. I'll break into little sub comments trying to figure out what exactly is wrong with me So it'll be fun to watch this happen I think the comments are gonna go for you because they usually turn on me But they all you also agreed last week that you have tone issues. That's the part. I do have tone issues.

But I also have, I believe with my wife, when she, we get along, we get along, we get along. And then she, in the last couple of years, has been talking to me with this tone. Like that, like, no, why would I say that? You know what I mean? I'm like, I was just asking. Like, I was.

It is weird how the switch can be. It's been a switch and I've had to tell her lately, like in the last six months, you gotta stop talking to me like that, because I don't. You got checker. No, I don't wanna yell. Like my biggest thing is, I don't wanna have arguments now. I don't wanna fight. Like I don't wanna fight in front of the kid. I don't want to yell. Like my big thing is like, I don't want to have arguments now. I don't want to fight. Like I don't want to fight in front of the kid. I don't want to do this. Can we just figure ways around this? And she's, but I don't know if it's what it is,

but she's been. So that's how people grew up too. Like my husband yells, I'm not a Yellor. Like I'm a Yellor. I don't like Yellor. I'm trying to get rid of it. I don't yell. But Don doesn't yell, but she's got fucking tone issues now. Like Rachel. No, please. I'm like the get rid of it. I don't know. But Don doesn't yell, but she's got fucking tone issues now like Rachel Not please I I'm like the quiet one. I but I it'll take so much I don't raise my voice, but he will yell in a second about whatever and I'm like you can't do that Such a my wife will raise her voice as well. She has these moments She's awesome. We get along so well all the time

We're really great at communicating and then out of nowhere, she'll shark eye black and just be in human. And I'm like, yeah, what a cool. I'm like, who is she just become? Like a punch. My wife is like, in microwave. And I'm like, Pete, this is about... Oh, just a microwave. I love that. Yeah, I'm like, what? My wife too. Yeah, like just to lose it. And I'm like, did you see what just happened? I realized she was good. If there's just dance in the fridge and you put her in there, it goes right around her head.

Yeah, you could fit her for a hat with the fridge. That's how I check Bitcoin every day. I look up at Bitcoin and Ethereum to see if he's gonna come on with a bunch of microwave. Bitcoin's down, that fucking microwave. It leaves me so long. He must be punching that fucking thing. Why do you think I'm here so long?

I'm waiting till he's passed. Yeah, I think she's pre-metapos in the last couple years and she gets this fucking thing that happens. She was like, I'm going to go to this person and it costs, I was like, do whatever you got to do because I don't want to fucking she snaps. I said that. That's what what the fuck are you doing? And then I go, don't talk. I go, look, I said, I don't want to fucking do this. Yeah. I go, but you're making me. I'm making you. Okay. You're fucking making me fucking kill it. You're talking to me like you fucking one of my friends. Anyway, life. So talking to me like fucking Rick. of my friends and you my wife. So talking to me like fucking reach for you,

cock, cock. I've always jealous of people that have temper. I always wanted to have a temper. I wanted to have like an, I will stay. I'm a stayer. I'll stay with somebody for so long. I want to be the part woman that just like blips out and screams something.

I took at this sad ashtray I have with a smiley face and somebody gave me and like junior high school. Don't ask me why they give me an ash tray. And I tried to throw it on the side of my house because I was trying to practice having a temper because I like saw it in a movie and I wanted to it was the darkest moment just be standing next to my stupid house. I was in docs on just trying to be like one day I'll stand up for high.- high-ranbo socks. Short. And a backpack. It seems cool to be able to be able to,

you know, like I love those families. Our family just simmering hostility. Nobody said what they thought. We, the only emotion we were allowed to express in my home was pure unbridled rage. Really? Yeah, that was it. So we, I'm a stayer and I'm a screamer.

But I've actually, I've neutralized myself to the point where I don't really reach those levels anymore. I am a fucking, I'm a, my mother and a screamer. Yeah. I mean you. Mine too. And I immediately fucking, you know, because I had that stepdad and I learned fucking you snap and all those shitty people in my life, so

Yeah, I'm trying not to I'm trying to catch it. You're doing good. I know I'm doing better. I'm doing better Yeah, I'm doing better. We're all doing good. We're all doing good like Steve Harvey said I mean what size would have lost Steve Harvey quote I want to take close right here. Less muscles to smile than it does to frown, an original SH. I don't know why I love him. I really did.

He helps me out. No, I do need to read more books about what they should want. Anyways, I went back out on the next special, everything on the next show. Yeah. And everything worked. That's great. Everything was great except for that one joke.

And it was great and then the end. Well, you know I had this big party set up. This is so sad. After party, they had all these cakes. Leah had a cake with me on it. Like Chubby Elvis in the list. It was so fucking great. What happened?

They didn't tell anybody about the party. So it was just like 15 people. Nobody knew that they just go out that door and come around the other door. So everybody just left and they were like, hey man, did you have an ad, I'm like, yeah, there was a big after party. Oh my God, they didn't tell anyone. No, no, what a weird

I'm gonna roll someone. So this what happened me and Mike what fucking hanging out a lot of ladybugs came so like 15. We were hanging out And a couple of people Nick and Abby from the watch Place down mayors and Louis, you know, it was good and Lear and her friends, but then everybody left. And there was this big cake, and you want cake? And I was like, yeah, no, I don't take cake back to my hotel.

I go back, Dawn and Max are in bed. Mike went to sleep. I'm just sitting there like buzzard. Like I just went through a concert. I'm like, fuck, I fucked up that joke, yes. Like I just went through a concert. I'm like fuck, I fucked up that joke. I fucked up that joke. Why the hell you gonna get the other joke?

I gotta get it, I gotta get it, I gotta lady. What happened to that lady? Oh my God, I mean just, the gears are just, and I went outside and I smoked a cigar, and downtown Sanctuary. Did you call anybody? Those are the moments where you need to talk to a comic and like talk through it all.

I couldn't, it was like 130 in the morning morning. What you're like wake somebody up or something. I don't know. I just fucking ate it Just sat there and smoked a cigar. I would have picked up. I would have two and you might have the sound of my voice But I'd be I had it's not like the Tony voice. I love you boys. Just stop going around the issue. Okay, you keep saying other things. I'm the tone. I uh, there's a lot of things I've got to fix about myself, but the tone is the most important. Basically, I'm unlovable. Did I say that out loud? I love you. You're my favorite. Yeah. Um, yeah, it was by myself. Smoke goes to the garden for it. It was just, you're gonna down the same Pete if you've ever been there. It's fucking anarchy. It's anarchy. There's

people just fucked everywhere. There was a rock concert across the street. There was just people everywhere, two in the morning, just, it's just crazy, like Tampa, partying. And it's just lonely bob, smoking a cigar, flipping through Facebook, you know. But getting a lot of nice messages, I bet. That was a way that I didn't get any. None? No, they were, I found them.

I found them. I found them. Facebook is like in the winter of their life. I'm sure you had someone Instagram. Like you didn't get it from your aunt Helen, perhaps. Yeah, true. They were in, uh, hidden Instagram messages. I found him two days later.

I was so sad. Cause I didn't get any. I know you mean sometimes I'll miss the hidden one. I'm sad. Dude, I went in. I'm like, all right. There was like two, hey, good stuff. You know, and then the next day I went in and there's,

I don't know why this is unseen messages or something. Yeah, yeah. And I went in and there's, I don't know why this is unseen messages is something. Yeah, yeah. And I went in there to protect you. They were all in there, all the nice messages, protect me from what goodness from feeling good about you. Oh my God. But yeah. And then I was mother. But you could tell the story at the end of the special. That would be kind of interesting. Like just talk like a talking shit thing or like a moment from your podcast where you talk about what happened in Mel the special because that that's kind of fascinating and it's funny. Maybe this is that moment So you guys didn't let me ask you question It's good to hear that you guys felt the same way though. Yeah, you know what I mean?

It's good to hear those. I know it's just good to hear It's taping just after taping me you know I'm relentlessly in my head. They go into every word what I miss. You also don't have any record of it. Yeah. I'm never able to really internalize it. I'm just right away thinking about three different things like a something

a joke I mangled. Yeah. Somebody was there that I felt miss perceived me somehow and then also like a bit that I think I'm going to get in trouble for later. Yeah. I'm like, I'm literally just writing storylines that happen occurred in my life. And anything to not let me just take in something positive.

Why can't we take it, I think? Why do we have to rip it down? Something's wrong. We have to rip it apart and down. We can never... But there are comics. We were backstage doing last comic standing. And I had such a miserable experience on that

show, even though like I made it to like the top 10, but all I was reading everything. And I thought people hate me on such a visceral level. I need to stop. I need to stop it right now. And then I remember telling him I was like, how come I could read like

positive comments, but then the negative ones are just like, they're just I'm thrashing around at night with these fucking people. And he's like, because those are the ones you believe. That's the problem. That's the one you believe.

You believe the guy with this arms folded in the back of your show. You don't believe the rest of the people that are throwing panties at you, Bobby. But there is nights where you feel like an anius. There are nights where you're like, I am probably one of the best comics walking earth. Yeah. And I said, think about Santa because the next show, you'll take it right in the chin.

So maybe I'm on to, people should follow me. And then this should be a much bigger deal. Yeah. And then the next day, you're even tap on something going, eh? Like I was doing jokes I did on the special so much better tonight. Oh, yeah. Like, I mean, it was like, I've had better, like, my shows at my special were so great.

It was like the most positivity I've had in one room in a long time. I put it all together myself, my own money, all that shit. Then I like, let go. My first headlining night and another club, I murdered so hard with better versions of every one of those jokes and wanted to like Ask if they shot that in like 460 and I'd release that as the special

I thought that at the club tonight I'm I'm gonna tell you about the microphone that you not even taught you look all right I'm not gonna say that you know you were right. No. No, you were right. No, do what you want. I'm gonna put the head up. You do whatever you want. It's your life. You live it. Like Steve Harvey said, you have to be grateful for what you got.

That is what he said. That's what he said. Yeah. He also said bitches, ain't shit. I love the boat in front of the sunset. I want to start reading more quotes. Can you bring up some Steve Harvey stuff? Can I please find some?

I aim for stuff so big that the dream is bigger than the fear. That's, come on, Rach. Look at that on the screen. Bobby, bring up the book. Let's find some more about what men want. Let's, I'll tell you what, men want. It really does look like he's wearing a bald cap. Well, he was wearing a wig for a long time.

Yeah, I know. He had the laser for his lineup. Like his lineup was so crispy, he laser-ded. It's great. I'm so glad he took off the wig. Yeah. The wig was disturbing. You knew it was a wig too.

Yeah. It was just square. It was a perfect flat top. It looked like a mic cover. Look at that. A mic cover. It did. It looked like a short SM7B mic cover. That's funny.

What's that one? This dream is free. The hustle is sold separately. Yeah. It's the pointing. That really helps. When you go to the Instagram, Instagram has a really good video one.

I love the latest one. Tells you about it. Ha ha ha ha ha. Come on, here. It just looks like it was wrong. Let's read the back of it. You want to date my daughter T-shirt. That's more inspiring.

Do you remember those? Do you remember the day my god that he got to date the scrape, I freshly taught. Sorry, what was that? Do you remember the magnet thing that you just like would push the facial hair around with the pencil?

That's the part of it. Yeah, that's not that's real that's that's as Keith Robinson 2007 what do you just it just feels like he's brimming with rage underneath it Anybody that screams about how all your dreams can come true. I'm sorry But most of them when you get real close there's a lot of rage. What's the guy's name? Who's like the big self-guy? Tony Robbins. Yes, Tony Robbins.

Yeah, and then they're always, the tales start coming out. What, he has think about him? Oh, he's been a naughty boy. What do you mean? He screamed at some girl. I think he's been up to, I have no information because he could go what he's actually. His hands are gluelish.

He's got big. He's got giant, giant, giant. He's like the head of every makeup. He's like, oh yeah. The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I get it. He's good. He's good. Jai, Jai. He's like the head of every makeup. Yeah. The, the, the thyroids. I can't, is like George and Mirazon. They had to cut his fucking thing in the back of his head so he stopped growing.

What? I swear to God, yeah. What's the, what thing? There's a, there's a thyroid gland. They have to cut so you just don't grow. Buh. He does have like, he almost has, I just made that up to Worf head on giant body. I

That's not true. I don't want people. You know what I mean? Like it's a weird. It's a weird thing because he's proportionate, but then he's got the the windshield. Most giant sat most giants have that fucking weird head by a moonroof. He owns it. Whenever people also like run cults, you know those guys. I don't know if you guys saw that Netflix documentary, the guy's name's like Raja Nisha. Yeah, a lot of poetry. So everyone, ever a guy runs a cult like that. He's just on top of this fucking building, bringing his hands out. It's like the most flaccid, useless gesture.

It just looks like he's shaking some water off his hands after doing the dishes. Like, eh, eh, eh, eh. These girls are fucking throwing their tits at him, just batting their pussy's at them. It's always this like head of a cult, for some reason they always look like they have like a chemical deficiency. It's always that kind of flaccid.

I think it's the guys that like didn't get enough ass in high school so then they can never get enough ass later on. Like there's a critical pussy window, I believe. And if that's not filled up, then later on you believe you're owed some sort of backpuss. And no matter how much asked you can get, it's never going to be enough because you still feel your owed some sort of backpuss to understand. That's something.

That's what a woman ran that cult, not him. I know. She did. She helped. Titties. She was a bad. She helped him. Lord. Yeah. She ran. He just sat there and wore a fucking weird Rolex. Well, because he looks like a genie. But she was the perfect setup for a cult leader. She was fucking, but he was the one that asked him, her.

She's the one about the real estate. Yeah, they were like, oh, we can't be here. Okay, we'll just buy the majority of the town and we'll vote you out and we'll change the name. I mean, they changed the name of the street to like, you know, Tatee Road. My mom was living in this neighborhood in the early, I guess late 70s, early 80s

and over on Barrow Street and she said they were over here, some of the Roushni Sheets. So they were walking in there, yeah, it came all the way to New York. Oh my God. Those guys are fucking wild. But what always filded up?

Rape? Pussy. No. Oh my god fucking wild, but what always file it up rape pussy Because that's what started the downfall right then they catch a couple cases No that woman that woman and him fell out. Oh, yeah, he started not liking her right? I like how that's how you sum it up That's what's fucks it up pussy. He also got like mountains and mountains and mountains and she did too. Yeah. So what fucks it up? It needed to be broken up, Bobby. You're getting angry again. You can have a hard. I'm not angry. I'm not angry. I'm not angry. Just being debates. But you're yelling at me.

Bobby, you're going to run a cult soon. If you think women need to be like this, all your women are going to die. I'm just saying everything's fine, Bobby. How is it to talk? No, you can try. I'm just saying. Everything's fine, Bobby. You can do that. You can do that. I was, you can yell. How is it to talk to you? No. You can yell.

You can yell. I'm just saying. I don't need the holes from you. Okay. Fuck off, Bobby. Exactly, okay. You can be, say, it's me, right? I like that actually.

Okay. I'm not giving it a rules. I'm just saying yell on that. But, Bobby, it's, we're debating sites. It's a fucking podcast. I'm not debating anything rules of just saying you yelling at me. But Bobby, it's we're debating sites of fucking pop. I'm not debating anything. Oh my god. I'm just giving a character.

I'm just saying that she got a lot of push. She ran the cult. I'm saying it's a formal debate. We're talking about Raj Nisha, Volta. He didn't run the thing. She ran it. You're right at the end of the day, a woman ruined it all, didn't she? Pushy, yeah.

Pushy, oh. And it was all her fault. It was her fault, yeah. And was her fault because she had a weird tone of voice, didn't she? Pussy yeah, and it was all her fault. And was her fault because she had a weird tone of voice didn't she? I didn't snap. I'm not snapping. No, you didn't. I didn't snap, thanks.

We're talking about Rajneesh. We're talking about Rachel. But similar with Elrond Hubbard, where like you watch going clear and they're all like, if you met him, he was the most most magnetic charismatic guy and you're like he looks like the fucking mad hat with a dip It has bad deal like black gums and shit like that always those guys disgusting He wrote over a thousand books which imagine what a nightmare super highway his brain is to even churn out that man He on drugs words. I mean, how are you not on Adderall if you're typing that?

Their body always looks kind of liquid like it's melting. They always look like they're actually melting. But then the women just can't throw themselves at. They do something. Who's that guy that made everybody play basketball in the middle of the night? Like you make girls wearing your pants with his name on it. Like matching Prince all of it. Prince, Prince did that. Yeah. Did he? Yeah, Prince. Like it's 3 a.m.

Bitches get up, put on my jacket with my name on the back. Was that NBA young boy? Isn't there? There's some rapper that like was bragging about how many bitches he got and he was going through his house and it turned out he had like just basically prisoners. Like just girls living in bugfans in various rooms. And people are like, is this a cold food? Yeah.

And they can't leave. They're not allowed to go anywhere. And then it girls like they all have like matching uniforms. And he makes them play a 3 a.m. basketball. It's not enough that they line up and blow up. He's got to have them play basketball. It's jacket. I want to hoop when he wants to hoop.

Ain't got a hoop man. I believe it's that backpuss. I think if there's a critical push window, and if it's not full, it's so angry. But there's, so there's an amendment to this theory because it's either backpus or too early push where you get pussy or rate push. Sure, but that's backpus.

We know Patrice had too late push. He never got pushed when he was younger, but he got pushed when he was older. That's backpus. Is that backpus? Yeah, it was part of the backpus. That falls under the umbrella of my backpus. There he goes. But there's too older. That's back. That's back. Yeah, that's part of the back. It falls under the umbrella of my back. This is how it goes.

But he was too early. There's too early where I had, I had, I had too early. He made it. And friends that had been really sexual super early. And then they're just all over the map wild. Yeah. And they can't stop. And it actually progresses over time.

It never, it never platinum. Yeah, no, the idea with the back. The thing is not that the pussy dries up. You can, but they didn't. No. Yeah, it's not that the pussy dries up later that you can't continue to get asked. It's that you do, but you no matter how much asked you get, no matter how many basketball games they play in your magic jackets, no matter how much they line up and blow you

in different humiliating positions, you dream up. It's not enough. You're still angry about that back post window, and that's why you have to keep the basketball games going. I, and you have a league. Yes. Of shitty basketball places. Yeah, just a back post league, a basketball. I mean, that guy just wore like a drippy robe

but he like they couldn't, they were leaving their husbands, their children, everything. Oh, that's awesome. I'd say Elvis could have had a cult. You see Elvis's concert, he would go out and make out with women in the audience. I didn't know you had that. Like guys would throw their wives, go, go. And he would walk over and sing, and then literally just make out with them.

That's like Arkelli, except parents with kids just hoisting them up at the backstage. Like, can you get her a record deal? He would kiss them, like, like, like, tongue kiss. Yeah. I mean, he got his 13 year old bride that way. Wasn't Priscilla Presley like wildly young. I think it's, they're always their cousin, also not good.

Well, he was from the south. That was like that was acceptable back then. Carl Malone also Southern got a 13 year old pregnant. That's right. That's right. Top two scorer of all time in the NBA. Nobody talks about it. Nobody talks to him anymore pregnant. That's great. That's great. Top two score of all time in the NBA. Nobody talks about it. Nobody talks to him anymore though.

He's nothing. No, everyone's a while who'll get interviewed. Definitely great. But it's definitely not like you got her. It's not like you knocked her. It's like you. He worked in, yeah, it's right. She was 12 and I think she had the baby at 13.

Wow. Yeah, super weird. And then I think he just recently reconnected with that son. Oh, he didn't even talk to that son. No, he was like, fuck you and your stupid kid. Oh my god, I can't imagine that's how you're born. You're dead if you're a silent treatment. Yeah, and I think he's like Carl Malone, Jr. I have no idea what the kid's name is,

but this is like, for sure. That's legit. Yeah, it does suck. I never knew that. And I used to love watching inside. Imagine I'm Hannibal and I take Carl Malone down. Clip. Did you guys ever see who was the other football player because you know football because you helped with the joke recently? How to go? It went really well, but then I forgot it again

and I even wanted to text you. He gave me like exact football reference for this show. Herbian. Yeah. And I was on stage so happy that I got it right. Like, but you could tell that I didn't know. What was it, Joe? Because I was too delighted with myself. I can't remember. But you gave me a great line. Yeah.

It was something about Tom Brady driving down for a winning touchdown, something like that. And you said, final drive. I need trying to remember the words. It was great. It was great. You gave me great. The joke itself was great.

But anyway, so like, there was a famous football player Who's the one who threw like a lot of tantrums? He was known for having like he was a quarterback He was known for having a really bad attitude. You threw a lot of like, you know, he like flipped out got angry a lot Anyway, then he retired young No, and then he and he had a bunch of kids with a lot. Oh The Pittsburgh Ben Rathlisberg. No, and then he and he had a bunch of kids with a lot. Oh, um, um, the Pittsburgh Ben Rathlisberg. No, the old one. No, he's older. Like, no, the ball guy, he had one four super balls. And then Harvey Kytel.

No, you what's his name? He won four suballs for the Pittsburgh Steelers. I know and I'm really just showing my ass that I don't know who that is. He went on this show called Ionla, and it was like where he was supposed to confront the demons from his body. It's fascinating to watch. And then he had to confront his father and he like wept.

You know, again, it was like, why would you put that on TV? I know. You got it. Who went at which football player? Ionla. We can find it out. Terry Bradshaw. No, it's not Terry Bradshaw.

We can look up. Yon love football player and like how many quarterbacks have been on that show? Somebody can find that. Just tell Nikki show. I can't read. Are you sure he was a quarterback? Maybe not. Maybe he was like a wide receiver.

I mean, yeah. Chad, why isn't he going? How many football players? I mean, it has to be quarterback. From Rarty. Didn't he have like 17 kids while he was on the jets? And he like forgot half their names while he was trying to listen on hard. I like when they name people the same name because they have.

I mean, Terrell Owens. Terrell Owens. Terrell Owens. He still. He's still playing. Right now. He's playing in a fan control pro league with Johnny Mansell where the fans can actually have input on what play they run and he is like

40 something years old 700 to a sin to get no fight. He's recently gotten some fight or something like that in the locker room. Maybe I'm wrong locker room I don't know, but Johnny Manzell plays in that league too. What it wait him. It is a fan the fans pick it people are I mean people are doing pretty cool shit because they're realizing that you don't necessarily need TV. So I think that runs on like Twitch, exclusively. Oh, yeah, it's a good point. So it's like football game?

Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty cool. The whole thing. I don't know if it's on Twitch exclusively, but I can know that it exists, huh? He's old. Have you seen his body? Dude, he ran like a four.

He's ripped, he ran like a four five 40 a month ago. And watch this time. Oh my God, I don't know. The fourth three is like a four. He's ripped. He ran like a four five 40 a month ago. To watch this. Oh my God. You guys watch the end. I don't know. Three is like top level unreal. He confronted his father.

The father lived next door to him and then didn't address him his whole life. I was weeping like I was. What is his show? This Taro always goes on some sort of show like Y'all events that like you're supposed to like confront all your demons and the dad. He grew up to because he just makes you be like, oh, this fucking... Well, and he's an emotional guy.

Yeah, and then you're like, so he's like, I was trying to be seen when I was like, I was, you know, losing it, because he literally next lives next story to his actual biological father, who Sagittory raped his mother and the guy just ignores him every day. But he knows, and everybody knows in town

that that's his dad. So he has to walk by his lawn every day. And, you know everybody knows in town that that's his dad. Yeah. So he has to walk by his lawn every day and you know, he just wants him to look at him and admit that he's his dad and he won't. But everybody knows because it's like a rumor that everybody knows about and he knows too. And so he finally, he walks up to this guy's house and just makes him confront the dad and they bring some.

Wow. What does a dad say? The dad's just like, you know, he's like old and frail, like most people, like at that point, it's like, So what do you want me to do? It's a sell. He's just kind of like, I'm sorry, you know, but it's very anti-climactic. Did he say sorry?

He said he was sorry, but it was not very satisfying. Like I was like, there's room for you to say a little more here, buddy. That you, it's never is. It's never is, of course. Yeah, like, it was like something that he got to say a little more here buddy. That is never is never is of course Yeah, like it was like something that he got to say it, but he was crying And you're just like you want this guy to just be like oh my god. I'm so sorry. I'm so proud of you Yes, he always weeping hysterically crying and you just want this guy to be like I see you

I'm proud of you. I get it. I'm sorry He like said like maybe what but it was all prompted by the therapist brought, you know, he was just kind of like, yeah, I never seen that DMX and his son with the therapist. Oh, God. It's one of the funniest fucking clips of all time, his son. It's funny, you're sad.

It's both, but it's really funny. Also, also, I totally forgot that I filmed basically this exact same thing with my dad. Really? Yeah, not for the show, but Nicole is working on it with me. It's going to be a documentary, but I don't, my dad and I have had a long standing feud. Where is your dad?

He's in, he's in Rockland, actually. Near you. Near me, yeah. We've since like, not necessarily patch things up, but I've taken actually hardcore advice from you indirectly, where something that you said has affected me very deeply, where it's like you're- With comedy?

No, well, unfortunately I'm sticking this one out. But it was the year of the dad now. I've said that on the show before. And for some reason it became a part of me where I no longer am concerned with the past and I'm not the little boy and I'm not hurt by that shit anymore because I feel authoritative and comfortable in my new position and very proud and happy about it. So I invited my dad to film this thing where I went to his hometown of Levittown Long Island and I asked him to take me by the mall.

Yeah, by the flea market. If that's the mall. But I asked him to take me to places that, because I don't know much about his childhood We're an Irish Catholic family. We'd not talk about shit exactly at all So I asked him to take me to places that meant something to him. Oh my any did and he taught me it told me all about it And we filmed it and we had a one pretty intense conversation in my car in his now-to-funct high school as it was raining on the fucking on the windshield but yeah it was pretty intense. Would you buy anything satisfying? Yeah, yes actually it was more satisfying from the point where that's kind of where I came to terms with I'm not like I'm not

fucked up about this anymore in the sense that I don't feel broken. I'm just like you kind of mourn who they weren't to or whatever. I'm not even like mourning that. This is the first death that I've kind of, not even death, but it's the death of what I was holding on to to a long time. Because I know people that have listened to me on podcasts for years are like, can't believe what I'm saying.

Because I've said, awful, vitriolic, angry shit about my dad over the years. And a lot of it was really justified from his treatment. But I'm now at a point in my life where I'm trying my best to completely rid myself of that weight and that negativity so it doesn't poison my son. But he is, he in your son's life. Yeah, he is.

He is now in the sense that I said, and he wasn't, He showed up to my first special actually. We hadn't talked in months because we had like this crazy drag out fight about, you know, whatever. It's not even important. And then he surprised me at my special, of course. Like before I walked on stage was like, hey, and I'm like, God damn it. And I almost killed that of spite. Like I was so livid that I, it actually like calcified my focus. So, I was like, let's go. So he's in your son's life now, as a grandfather.

No shit. Yeah, in the sense, and you know, not in like, he's not over every day, but we have periodic meetings where we do stuff. And I thought like, it made me really sad because my son, or it didn't make me sad, but it made me really sad because my son, or it didn't make me sad, but it made me empathize with my dad because my son has my dad's face sometimes,

especially when he's crying. So like, to watch my dad as a baby cry as my son is a little bit psychedelic and weird and has forced me into empathetic places that I didn't think were possible or that I could access. And so it's given me a lot of understanding and thought about what he has gone through in his life because he's a child of abuse. He passed that on.

You forget that. I forgave my mom for a bunch of shit because one day I realized that my mom was 15 when she had my sister. And when you were 15 when when you had a kid, as a Catholic girl, you didn't come home. You went away to this place with nuns. And then when she was 18, she had me. And she had to go away too.

You don't just go back to the house with an Irish Catholic family with eight kids. And her husband or whatever, my dad was in Vietnam. And I just read an article of his first night in Vietnam. It's on the web. My father actually wrote something for his local newspaper about his first night in Vietnam where they, he was so scared and they put him on the front line,

the perimeter. And they were like, oh, they're coming, the vehicle is coming tonight. They're gonna, they're on their way, so be careful. And then it started raining out. And he couldn't see, couldn't hear. He was just in a foxhole waiting to die for a night.

That was his first night in, and it's like, my dad was a drug addict. My mom was fucking 18. I couldn't imagine being 18, having two kids and your husband is in another fucking country fighting a weird war. Can't imagine any of it. And then I expected my mom to be a good mom.

And then she married a fucking abusive guy who didn't want me and my sister just wanted my mom had money and she saw her way out and she took it. She saw her way out of my grandmother's house. Thirteen of us lived in a three bedroom house and met from... My uncle lived on a sun porch in the winter. My uncle lived in a closet, a bed in a closet. And we slept on the floor and my uncle's room next to a weight bench.

There was two people in that room. It was crazy and then she found this guy and we got a house and we got all the shit and I remember walking into my room and there was a toy box full of toys and there was a desk and I remember seeing a lamp and I was like, is that my lamp? Yeah, that's yours. I was like, I have a lamp. Like I was like, oh my God, and I kept flicking light on and off. Like this is mine. The ol' Tom Hanks at the end of Castaway. It was great, yeah.

Big crab legs. And then I think it was three months later I woke up to my mom being beaten and my sister being beaten in the kitchen. And then he fucking went after me, all three of us. And that was from that day on until five years later when she left, we went through this shit with the sky. You know, my mom, so, you know, I had to forgive my mom. Because my mom was a kid and she was, you know,

abused. So, yeah, I was fucking crazy. Because I always wanted my mom to change. I always wanted my mom to fucking, I went to, hey, I went to meet, I went to therapy. You know, I don't take mom to change. I always wanted my mom to fucking, I went to A, I went to meet, I went to therapy, you know, I don't take any fucking drugs. I don't do any, you know, therapeutic drugs, you know, to kind of level me out, you know.

I know, I know some people, I don't. Yeah. And I always wanted to change. And that's when, I remember we were in a fight I think it was like eight years ago Screaming at each other and she she just I remember she whispered into the phone she goes Bobby What are you gonna realize? I'm never gonna change And I was like I'm out. I'm done. We haven't fought since yeah, we haven't had a fight since then

I'm just like it's okay. okay. I get you. Yeah. You got fucking twisted. Your generation, there's no way out. Yeah. Yeah. Just no way out. I had to, I went to fucking rehab. I went to a meetings.

The ship sails sometimes. It's over. And I feel bad. Yeah. She smokes weed now. No. She started smoking weed. I mean, she just lost her husband again two years ago.

Yeah. The love of her life. Like somebody said to me once, because I said some guy that went through something like that, like a lot of pain, a lot of abuse. And you know, he was really terrible to me. And I tried to help and get him therapy and do everything. Because I always do this with people.

And like, just so that he would be kind and not abuse. And then I was just like, but I did this. And then this happened. And I tried to say that in my friend was just like, he can't, he can't, he can't,'t he never can he never will he can't it's not there He doesn't have it in in there anywhere and sometimes you just have to like realize that but there's an acceptance that comes over It sucks, you know, like I I'm so I'm glad your dad and you fix something Hmm because to have a grandfather like Max has uncles and aunts and shit,

and he had a grandfather in my second stepfather who was amazing, but he died. I'm so sad about that. Because having a grandparent to me, my grandmother and grandfather were my father and mother. I called my grandmother mom because my mom was a kid. She didn't know what the fuck she was doing sometimes. She did the best she could.

She really did. She worked seven days a week. She had to make money. It was a fucking weird. You don't go on food stamps. Your Irish cat, you fucking work. My grandmother paid him back because she went on welfare and then paid it back.

You just didn't do it. She is a sick girl. Yeah, but it makes you see so much in every family. I feel like it's always addiction and alcoholism. Yeah. It's just every single thing. Like my mom's mother died in front of her when she was 17. It's like, you know what?

She died. She was in alcoholic. My mom's whole life cried herself to sleep every night. My mom took care of her. It's just like, and then that was it. She watched your died. Nobody talked about it. It just centered a college. That was it. My mom took care of her. It's just like, and then that was it. She watched her die. Nobody talked about it. It just centered a college. That was it.

She went to the funeral the next day. Nobody talked about it. The funeral. She said she still remembers. She took me to the house where her mom lived. And she said, where she grew up. And she's like, I still remember waking up at the funeral thinking it must have been a dream.

Nobody said anything to me. It was just you put on this dress. And now you're going to school, you know? It's just like, but she did, you know. It's weird in those moments. It's to my best friend's brother, who by proximity was one of my good friends. We were close in age.

He died when I was in college. And I flew home immediately. flew home immediately to be with my friends, all of my friends to get together because it was a fucking huge loss for all of us. And my parents were blown away. They're like, you're coming. Like, you can't come home.

Like, they were basically saying I shouldn't. You used to empathize. Yeah, go to the funeral. Like, what do you, I don't even understand. Like, I was asking basically for like $100 for the flight from Rochester to New York. It was so fucking, and they were like, yeah. No, you just associate,

and go to a meadow in your head, where it's safe with something like this happens. So you have a whiskey, and you don't go anywhere near the event, and it's fast. That's a fucking weird how they didn't, the dealing with it was not dealing with it. I never saw my grandmother or grandfather have a conversation, like communicate.

Like me and Don, like communicate. Like me and Don, like talk about shit. Like have fucking crazy conversation and go through something. I never, my grandfather would just go, ugh, and go on the other one was sitting at chair. And she would come and be like, joe, joe, forget it. He was in the living room, she was in the kitchen. And then she go, joe, Dennis Dennis ready, he come in and eat. You know, it was fucking weird.

Yeah, those couples may have 40 years of war on their face. That's got my parents were, even though they were very much there for me and not abusive and kind parents. But they didn't, my dad never discussed him. He never said, I love you. I was like, maybe on my wedding day, he was rushing down the aisle. He was in a rush on my wedding day. I was just like, I don't want to go.

I'm like, wouldn't this be the moment where my dad would put like a hand on my back? He's like, all right, so let's not be late now. You just treated it like we were on a baseball game. We were gonna get our tickets or we'll see you get seated in time. I'm like, no, dad, this might be the moment where you were able to say it,

but nope, couldn't do it. Yeah. Yeah. My mom said he's cried twice in his life once when he dropped my brother off in it Once at the Cooperstown Hall of Fame, I'm sorry three times and was during the movie dear hunter my wedding not a tear What he just didn't do that like you guys treated women my grandfather you didn't connect with girls I was a nice, treated women, my grandfather. You didn't connect with girls. You know what I mean?

Like if I had a girl right now, I would fuck me in love with her. I mean, I kissed my son. I mean, 900 times a day. I loved my kid. And he could not, we had a fight last week. And he was leaving his school. I go, well, I go get back here. I go, you don't leave this house,

you know, giving your dad a kiss and hug. I know you're mad, but I love you no matter what. And he came back and hugged me. And you felt his, like you felt that hug. You know what I mean? And I was like, all right, you can go now. But I mean, Jesus Christ, I didn't get a hug until I was, I think I was a fucking rehab. Yeah, I don't remember a hug, do you remember hugs?

No, I mean, my mom, I will give her credit. She was very loving, but she also was violent. My grandmother was both. My grandmother was the best. My grandmother was the fucking, she was the best. She was the best. I loved my grandmother so much. She would, I would, I would stay over a house.

I was there all the time. She used to buy me pepperoni sticks. And I would just eat pepperoni by the stick and watch TV And she would take me to the store and I would get milk with her I mean dude, I know even in my darkest drinking fuck you arrested I will fucking fucking hit you with something Bob Kelly days I was walking out with a six pack of Heinekenans from the house that I hid in the bushes and I, Robert Patrick Kelly, I'm here.

I walked back and she goes, put those down, be back at 11. And I gave him to her. Like I did not disrespect my grandmother the best. Oh, fucking, I loved her so much. I told him about my grandma too. I miss her still to this day It's like so she was so funny too. She was fucking hilarious and sarcastic But she would sing songs and she was delightful She would let me have food at all kinds of hours like I would have sweets in the morning

Those things mean a lot because we had like low-grade depression snacks like just melbatos Really make you want to shoot yourself in the face. And off-brand Oreos. Yeah. Like fucking packing. My, my, my, she used to get cheese nips instead of zips. Oh. She's.

My mom was always trying to take some gross short cuts, some slavvently short cut. Yeah. She's, she's nips sucked. Yeah, those do suck. Oh, I hate you got quick instead of the syrup. The powder. You know, I think it, well, oval teen was better than quick.

A quick powder sucked. I like the squirt. A quick powder sock. I like the squirt. Yeah, but yeah. My was so jealous, it used to be so jealous of like that my grummy sassates, it's the cat licks that have those sorts of things, but Jews don't eat white bread

and that kind of thing mayonnaise. Because you're a Jew, that's why you don't have those things in your house. They're ignorant snacks. You still always say that, of course you don't have helmets. Ignorant snacks, that's great. That's why your father's a civil rights attorney, you know, helmets mayonnaise. She's not always say that of course you don't have ignorance That's great.

That's why your father's a civil rights attorney Helmonds man-aged, but she was funny Shit, she was so castic and hilarious But then she'd be like when you come here I'll give you also a delight And then when she was dying my my aunt her daughter your characters used to bug me So much and now I fucking just want you to do their own real. She was funny. She was so funny. Yeah, fucking ignorant snack. They're very ignorant. Well, your last name is fine-star. That's why you don't have Swedish fishing house. Be thankful. But when she was dying, my aunt interviewed her and she was so funny. She interviewed her about her whole life. And of course, just like all this shit you were saying, like her husband went to,

it just fucking nonstop, just devastation, right? And she's so funny and delightful. And got a song for everything. Just husband, this one died in the war, half the brother's died in the war. And her daughter's interviewing her. And she's trying to get her to come to this place of emotion about it.

And she's like, now when your brother came back from the war, he was different, would you say? And she's like, well, he was crazy. He was a shit house nut. She was so funny. Like, I don't want to say he was crazy that his shit house rat, they all were, came back, and they were wrong.

But she was so fucking funny, you know? And I came, my mother's side of the family, you know, they were like the Protestants that didn't make jokes like that. She was hilarious. She would just say like a reverent shit. And I was like, oh, I want to do that, you know? She would also kiss and give hugs.

And in my family, they, yeah, there was very little of that. Yeah, I didn't get a lot of that. My grandfather, my grandfather was the shit, though. He was like, war war to vet. Just man, he smoked a pipe. I smoked a pipe in the living room. I was a captain in the merchant marines. Took unarmed boats to deliver supplies,

like both in Germany and then fucking Africa as well. He was, you know. Mine was in the Navy and ship was torpedoed, but my aunt says that she's like, keep us as chefs. So, no. So, no. Hi, Liz, and we gotta wrap this the fuck up.

This is a very emotional podcast. Yeah, sorry. I liked it. I liked it. What a good one. What a fucking. It was it. I liked it. What a good one. What a fucking tenderoni this one became. Right after Ray yelled at me. I'm not going to, I'm just going to say yes and I'm going to change my personality.

Listen, here's the thing. We got a couple questions. We're going to go on a Patreon thing for like 10 minutes. We got questions for you from the fans. We're both of you. Alright. If you don't mind answering them. Love to. And you guys got a bunch of questions. I actually got it. I don't know. I mean this is pretty. I got a couple of mean things said about me and my producer, who's your producer, who favors you for something. Who's birthday it is today? Happy birthday to you, Uncle.

Happy birthday to you. Stand up. She is. Happy birthday to Nicole. Happy birthday to you. What'd you get her? It's coming tomorrow during our recording. Oh, my thing's coming tomorrow during our recording. My thing's coming tomorrow too

I have to pee really back on our run pee. Yeah, please run to pee We gone Bathrooms right there you got a pee in the hallway All right, so we got some questions. All right. We're going to patreon.com Wait, can I plug my we We're gonna do that right now. Okay. I'm gonna do this and then you're gonna do that and she's gonna do it.

I was kinda stalling a little bit because she was just giving her a little time to whizzle. I have a long one. Do it, man. We're here to promote the fuck outta you, Canon. You're the next dude. You're the next guy. Ugh, you're thropping your mouth?

No, but it was almost. All right, so check it out. Thank everybody for listening. Comicwareables.com, make sure you go there. You can get all the YKWD merch. Use code word Ladybugs. I want to thank again all the people at Coastal Creative. I want to thank all the people at SideSpotters and Tampa and Mike Calta. And of course, Louis, Leah, you guys are the best. I especially was awesome. Had a great time. Thanks for showing up and packing the place out.

I'm so excited to see it. Yeah, I am too, man. I hope it comes out well. And it's good that you guys go through. I figured the economics going through the same shit, because I think when you think you're the shit, when you think, oh, everything's, that worries me. Yeah, that fucking scares me.

Yeah, it's also kind of the antithesis of comedy. Oh, I gotta tell you what the fucking, I had a kid open up for me. I gotta tell you what the kid from the boat of comedy. I gotta tell you what the fucking, I had a kid open up for me. I gotta tell you what the kid from the boat. Yeah, I gotta tell you what he said. All are, we'll do that in Patreon though. Make sure you go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. Become a member.

But if you're not gonna, if you're just gonna watch this for free, that's awesome. The show's always been free on Sundays, but you just hit that subscribe button, hit the like button, hit the thumbs up, do all that stuff. Just hit it, become a member, subscribeer, and like your signature. Thank you very much.

Go to robberkillelive.com, patreon.com, slash robberkillelive, become a member. It's like a cup of coffee a month, and you get to watch the show live, and you get to be in the chat, and you get to show the show live, and you get to be in the chat, and you get to show before anybody else, plus you get this segment we're gonna do right now.

We get to ask everybody on the show some questions, if you want, be part of it. We're gonna try a new segment tonight, called you know what, dude. And there you go, robacadolive.com. For all my dates, I got Uncle Vinnie's coming up. This weekend, I'm at the superstar theater, resorting casino at Lanark City Saturday night.

I'm there with Kay P. Burke and then Uncle Vinnie's next week. And then I'm going on tour with Louis for a month. So, I will be away and then just for laughs and all that stuff. So, there you go for that. Mike, what do you got? May 18th on my YouTube, my new special White Privilege homeless is coming out youtube.com slash Mike Cannon Comedy.

I spent a full Bobby's watch on this baby. So please watch it, share, like, comment, suck the algorithms, asshole, do everything you can to boost this thing into the- I very, how incredible it is, I'm so excited. I appreciate it. I'm very excited about it as well and You know, yeah May 18th share it, please May 18th Wednesday night. Yeah, it's premieres at 9 p.m We're on on YouTube on YouTube. We'll premiere at 9 p.m And then it's up there and that's alive right? Yeah, oh, thank you. And that's alive, right? That's alive

Yeah, I dude make sure everybody who's listening to this go May 18th Watch it live. Yeah, please just watch it. I'll be in the chat. You'll be in the chat Sunday. I'm honest to go one of my favorite young comics coming up He is one of the funniest guys out there, and I'm not just saying that good guy good father He is. Oh my God, I'm in trouble again. I'm sorry. Jesus. I'm gonna go home and say,

you guys, my brother. Listen, I love Rachel. Rachel, look at me. I love you. You are one of my favorite people in the business and you're part of my comedy family. You can never ever be on my bad side. Ever.

I love you. They really do. I love you. I love you too. Yeah, I really do. So I would never be mad at you. Okay. Ever. Oh, I love you. I really do. I love you. I love you too. Yeah, I really do. So you I would never be mad at you. Okay. Ever. You were ever talk over me again. You're you're complimenting me. I was, but she stepped on it. So we're going to move on. I don't know. I have to pee. I was a member of Rachel. What are you? May 18th? Just go to my website, reachall-findstine.com. My Netflix is a joke special.

We'll be coming out soon. I think it's in the beginning of June. Did you shoot a special this week? Yes, it was Amy Schumer and friends. So I did seven minutes. Christy was on it. It was a bunch of us on, and it's a part of,

it's a Netflix special called Amy Schumer and Friends. That's great. Yeah, so it's Christy, Christina Pizzitsky, Jay McBride, Ron Funches, Love JaymanBride. A lot of great comics and Amy hosted it.

That's great. I love Jay McBride. She's so fun. She's hilarious and a really cool ass person too. She's the best. I met her in Albany. She showed up in Albany one night. She was doing radio with a local guy.

It was at a Christian college or something like that.. You know she was an ultra boy I think. Something crazy. Her story is amazing. Her story is great but then she went on stage. I so come down to a spot. She ripped it. She ripped. Yeah she's fucking hilarious. Hellariate. Sweet person to a really nice person. Really really good person and she's fucking destroyed the special. She did oh good good I'm so happy I love when people I like get shit um even though they fucking twisted me out of that thing Christina P was hilarious who's Christina P Christina Pizzinski I don't know that person Christina Pizzinski she's she's she's uh she has like your mom's

house podcast she's married to Tom Segura all right Tom Segura's yeah okay I got you stick around it's not over yet. This episode of YKWD is continuing now exclusively on patreon.com slash rubber kelly. See you there. Pretty funny. All right, I gotta go. Michael, I love you.

I love you. I can't wait to see a special Joe. We got Act Joe's Russell. Please check out his cheese show on YouTube. Him and his lovely wife. And of course, new Nikki, the producer of the show. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, Nikki.

Happy birthday and Mike, wherever you are most, and I want to thank you fans and the best fan. I swear, every you are. He's in San Antonio. He's watching with a knife. He's gonna kill me someday. I hope Nikki will probably get that on video and you'll play the video in the area. I'm tied up. I'm mad device get when you said you were bigger than him.

It was awesome. Wow. Yeah, that was real fun. I mean the truth hurts. You know what? See you next week. You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. you