Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Real Ass Duuuudes

Episode Date: April 15, 2013

Robert is joined by regulars Dan Soder, Joe List, Luis J Gomez and Kelly Fastuca. Special guest spot by Nate Bargatze.   RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Ma mal, a Madrid.

in all your devices. Plus, don't forget to watch the Simpa Garnuka. You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? On the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. All right, so here's the intro for Real Astudes. Me, Luis Chagom as Joe Lists, Monster Voice, Dan Soda, Kelly Fistuka, and that's it. We had a great show. It was real funny. It has its ebbs and flows, really picks up at the end. It's around two hours, hour and something. I forget what the fuck happened but you know it was a good one I had a blast so guess spot from Napar Gatsys in there in the middle somewhere

so that's it let me know how you think of this one email me ykwdricast.com and again thank you for all the donations thanks for you know buying the headphones a tweak audio and supporting our sponsors and you know it's great so keep spreading the word keep enjoying the show and letting us know competition is heating up a lot of people are starting to send in their songs and videos and all kinds of shit so we'll be giving away those prize packages soon and keep sending the shit in Send it to Kelly at riotcast.com KELL. Why at riotcast.com? She's checking them a first screen them and then send them to me So I don't have to watch horse shit, but some of them are real funny. So that's it. Enjoy the show

Fucking intro out. Hey gang. This is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Leary. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Kreiser. Staying cooking, you are listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude? You Know What Dude? You Know What Dude? You Know What Dude?

If you bippy bbya, if you bippy bbyu, dippy dippy dhya, you have a dabba do. Dude! This is Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude? You Know What Dude? Yeah, you have what I mean? I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, far, I'm getting far, far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, far, I'm getting far, far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, far, I'm getting far, far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm getting far, I'm gonna sing in mood. I'm in a singing mood. I'm in a singing mood. It's working. What'd you do? Oh, shut up. I'm out of my singing mood.

She got me out of my singing. Would you get that shirt, a fat mannequin? Ha, ha, ha, ha. And they're off. Ha, ha, ha. Uh, Louis. You're talking to Kelly, right? Yeah.

I missed your face, Lewis. Thank you, baby. Hey, I was having maybe bring James. Why would he bring James? He's hot, dirty studio. You know why it's hot? It's because you walked up two flights of stairs, FATO. I'm sweating.

It's not that hot. Exactly. You'll cool down. What your hot rate goes down, you buffalo. Buffalo? Turn that AC off behind you please? That'll make me cool down. Well, no, you, what will make you cool that

as fucking you stop stuffing your face with baby food? Are you eating a lot of baby food? What's going on? Shut it off. But don't, did you just break the handle? Probably. Oh god. Did you?

Kelly, please do it. Don't let, don't let any fingers do it. Don't let any fingers do it don't let any fingers do it You got it. Did you break it? No, it's been broken. It's not broken. I just saw you break it Let's stop it. No, no, no, here's what you're wrong. I didn't touch that handle. Is it off? No, no yet I'm because the handles broke but listen to me Kelly Bob do it when you said Uh, did you break the handle? I hadn't touched that handle yet i could be called you all power saver he was serious because you bob uh... joey

well everybody everybody hey joe happy birthday you fucking tall dark piece of shit you know what's my fucking birthday three days before his yeah but don't we get to that too man jesus christ luis you birthday message that's why nobody likes you because you wind about being liked Lewis You're hanging out your jeans like I am Kelly I did wander in one tight jeans today, but actually feel pretty good about my body because my diet's been excellent for two weeks And I've been working out every day. What is your diet fucking pork belly?

It's a bit of an overhang there. I might do you a fatter than you were last week Who's that? That's not true at all. Who? Oh? Who's Linda the Who's Linda? The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, Is this one a brand? No, I'm not eating bad. You fucking bitch. Just the wrong one. Oh, fuck. It's wrong with you. No, that's what Lewis has two speeds.

He's either like, he tries to be nicer than that animal just comes out. So he's a pig, he'll ate him. Bo. What is wrong with us, man? Really? What is wrong with us? I listened to these other podcasts,

and they just, they turned the the mics on and it's just like Hey, how you doing man? Did you hear about that that what's going on in North Korea? Yeah, comedy so people and and then you know pregnant women suck Well I want to argue with that You're good feeling podcast first of, you cannot get into this conversation because you go on those podcasts. This is the best podcast I've ever been on.

I do enjoy myself. I don't want you to fuck up your shit. I enjoy myself. Highlander. What's up Reggie Watts? Yeah, that's good. That was good. That was like great.

That was good. Hi, sweetie. When have we started? Yeah. Yeah, I started. I don't fuck good. That was like great. That was good. Hi, sweetie. Where have we started? Yeah. Yeah, I started. I don't fuck around. I pushed the button. What are we going to do? What would what would magic? We want some fucking intro music. Bum bum bum bum bum. Well, I can WD. That song was written by a fan. Give it up.

Listen, you're making fun of my show right now because that's what we do a lot. Every week. What's up, Joe? Happy birthday, happy birthday, Lewis. Thanks for having me. We're the same age, right, Joe? 31. 31. Linda, how are you? That's what I was for. I love you here. You know what I love? I love dick. Well, candy. You're just gonna spit things out quicker this week because Lewis is on fire Can I dick and dick and candy? I love dick and candy Not at all what I didn't get a text. Hey, why don't we ride in together? I mean I'm already for a few hours me too. Ah man. I said the best cheeseburger in my life. Where'd you go?

Bus stop cafe right around the corner. I love this neighborhood. I was with Sarah. We were on it was date day. Okay. What what what did you text him at all? No That was he usually texts Rose in the city. Well, why can't you fucking be mad at somebody for not texting you and thinking you're mad at you when you you could Just said hey dude. I'm here. Well first of all, are you mad at me as my thing dude? That's a sketch for a quick fucking it up I wanted to tell you, you were worried about peeing too much the other day. I've been doing two Nutri-Bullets a day, peeing like a maniac.

Well, I've been drinking a ton of water and tea and soda and I think I might be diabetic. You've been drinking Dan? Do you want a brownie? No, I just had sweet stuff. I've had a bunch of things. Listen, do you have a great probably? I look what?

You look great. I do. I look great, buddy. I look what? You look great. I do. I lost 15, 16. What was I? 2.90, I was 96. Why would you say 250 plus? No, no, no, no, no. That is depressing.

I would love to be 250. That's my goal. Is it? Yeah, 250? Yeah, I have something that they call muscle then. So 250 and me is like 185 absolutely I'll fight you I'll fight you Believe me with your fat strength there's a difference. I would find it more believe it if you said muscular dystrophy

You want to say that word again? Well, never try to joke with fucking dystrophy in it And he had a next-for-long link while trying to do the word in the middle. While you're sipping coffee with that little mouth, you don't want... This is the silly mouthpiece that we're all... By the way, Bobby, thanks for the really long, thoughtful, birthday voicemail. What was it? Did you get one? Can you play it?

What? I got you. I called you. I called you and talked to you. I called you and talked to you. Really sweet, extended. I mean, the thing you and talked to you really sweet extended I mean the thing you said about Lewis was really funny Say that to the bum I called you three days after my birthday depressed about my life

I think you yelled at me three days that was my He couldn't talk to you how long did I talk to you for how long did you yell at me how long did you talk to me? I yell at you because you don't fucking you this is your problems You don't you don't fucking listen you just immediately go into your excuses you have excuses It's you'll be like dude listen what happens is when you yeah, I know I do that and what I do that It's like shut the fuck up and let me finish That's my way of shutting Bobby down dude. I completely agree. You're so right every time everything He says I took a page out of my book. I hate it

Well, I don't care though if you guys fail to succeed I just don't want to be responsible for not trying to help you out of your fucking shit I'm not really talking to Dan because I've never really given Dan a pep talk He's just been doing fine on his own for same fastballs unlike Unlike Lewis, who needs a fucking a pep talk every six months. I do. Listen, dude, I talked to you for an hour and a half. The reason why you aggravate me is because it's like talking to me because you're just an aggressive fucking idiot.

Well, that knows everything and you don't. Just be stupid, take in information and learn. Remain teachable. That's your fucking for the month. Now go. Nice outfit, though, Louis. You look terrific. Hey, you know what? Everyone else that I look like shit. I didn't say anything. Amazing. Thank you, Joe. Really nice. You walk around the village and nobody would even think. Now your compliment to me, I throw out the window. I throw it out.

His outfit. I personally look up at the outfit is nice. Okay, it looked good as a human. I'm back in. I personally look up at the outfit is nice Good as a human I'm back in I'm back in Look can you stop hiding your fat? What the fuck he's hugging a pillow. I want to see your side fat mom Right now I'm fucking back Bobby I lost since I started doing what I do talent least I had it to begin with you couldn't lose it you have to find it a diet

hey you ever do a show with a comic and it sounds like he's just hitting fucking foul balls every joke. Oh, oh, it almost hit the, I was hitting the, you heard trees hitting the wings. And then I, I fucking pulled it up. Now I'm down to two, I'm two 80. You're more than Brian Urlecker. Well like I said, I have muscle. Brian.

Finally, I, finally, Urlecker gets his. I know. That's why I was the Joe. I didn't want you guys to. He's more used, more used to. But Brian Urlecker gets his. I know. That's why I was the Joe. I didn't want you guys to. He's really used Mooku too, but Brian Erlecker's muscular. Yeah, we'll get it, Dan. Swim stinks.

Stinks like what? Boys, what do you guys, what do you guys, the Winsor Shades by the way? Yeah, open the Winsor Shades. You know, are we laughing? Is it gonna be too loud? Fuck yeah, no.

It gives a little street penache. Are you with Minku? Penache. Not penache, but smell like sweaty man. Ambience. Ambience? Ambience, Ambience. What are you, fresh? No, With me Ambience ambiance ambiance ambiance ambiance ambiance sounds like you're an ambiel listen Kelly why does what your headphones on can you hear me fucking talking Listen shut. Yeah, this isn't you want to train. This is a fucking show. You want a train? Talking about it. Speaking of shows and trains and us on a train. We're gonna tell that story. We'll tell it later when you don't You spill the soda

These are my good-lea vise you spilled soda on soda. Oh That's the second soda joke. I don't get sick of them if there's a third one that you get to punch that person in the face. Oh, please let it be Kelly. Kelly has a pearl necklace, that's fun. I want to know. This time it wasn't given by a bartender in the lower east side. Are you guys done quippies? Yep.

I want to know, are you and Kelly cool? Yeah, we're fine. Did you guys talk after the show last week? Yeah, really're fine. Did you guys talk after the show last week? Yeah, we're fine. Really? Yeah. Did you call her, did she call you? You texted.

You just texted. You took care of it over text. The voice would have been too annoying for me to, like go if anything. All right, great. Did you like my text? I thought it was a funny text. Where'd you text?

I sent like a really nice text, and I was like, I know you hate nice texts, but you're gay, so there. I think that was funny. Yeah, it was, I thought, it would have been funny if it was just between me and you. I didn't know you're gonna try to fucking use it on your resume. Well, I didn't read the whole shut up and let me have my attacks from you. Can I have them? Can I just know that I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna you a fucking repeat him on a show a week later.

I said, Bob Kelly, you know him. Just made the mistake of trying to check out Kelly's ass. Whew, I can't take that back Open the window Shades open we got some sunlight in here. Yeah open the shades. I'll go do it. I don't mean to bark. I shut up You're annoying me what you fucking just energy how many neutral ability you do it? I don't care Be less excited to a day. I had a nice afternoon with my my girl through a coke bullets Tell you were a grandma panties with the fuck's wrong with your ass Kelly Kelly and Lewis have the same lower body

We're in the exact same size jeans right now Now you look great Kelly you do look great for Kelly you look great you look like You do you look great. You look like you do you look great those pants fit Yeah, they sure do yeah, they fit like a fucking glove like an original catchers glove I think runs of the pants it's the contents So you guys are all right. Yeah, that was a pretty fucking epic fight Yeah, yeah, well they fight over we've never had a fight like that before I've known it for two years and we've never had it out like he's too, you know, we're two friends who annoy each other when you're blowing them every night

It's a really a problem face fucking You didn't face fuck Kelly He's made a love to Kelly You know Kelly okay I love you It just did his voices for me and I was, what? What? Anyways, not that I'm not gonna get into it.

I'm not gonna be made to feel bad about the way I look in the room with you three. Oh. You have a word dudes. Yeah. Kelly, first of all, you fit with us. Yeah. You fit it. Yeah, you're not separated by us.

Yeah, you're not, yeah, you're right in the room with us. This looks like the lobby for like a construction worker it. Yeah, you're not separated by you're not yeah, you're you're you're right in the room with us This looks like a lobby for like a construction worker audition Yeah, you know what? I'm very fucking offended that my my pep talk to you You you didn't you actually just hold me on hold on what did I say you said you don't listen to me You say yes, we did death to get off the fucking fine I don't want to go to the phone with you and you you don't even hear what I say so now I'm not even gonna give you a pep talk you're on your own um it was less of a pep talk and more of a berating well because you don't listen you're a fucking you you try to you come up you come up with the problem and then you then you say exactly

you come up with a problem and then you answer like I know I know I know I'm doing and you go on this and then fuck you you don't because you're stupid and you you don't listen you're stupid and you don't listen You don't you don't listen when somebody's trying to help you you just talk over them. That's not true Yeah, absolutely if you I remember when I used to do your podcast I used to have to sit there and tell you and you're out what's his name Dave Dave Smith to shut the fuck up. I was him. He would keep on you do the same thing It's my show Your life is not your show.

Our friendship is not your show. Oh, it's not the Louis show. No. But I mean, here's a thing though. If somebody was giving me a pep talk or a talk into me and they were like, shut the fuck up, I'd be like, dude, I'm done, I don't need your help because I'm not even listening to you.

No, but I was listening to you. Then shut your face and listen. But am I supposed to just listen as you yell for it? I run a can't even go, yes, Bobby, I agree at one point. That's it a while? No, because I let you talk. But you literally, you would talk for the whole hour and just tell me all the good, the bad shit that's going on and then tell me that, but I know what I'm doing.

I got it under control. No, you don't. All I said was I was coming up with some solutions for some of the problems I have and you think all of my solutions are garbage. Your solutions stink because you're not realistically trying to better your fucking career. You should come up with goals and short-term things that you can actually achieve.

And people, I'm trying to tell you that people don't look at you the way you think they look at you. When you did the riot cash show, everybody was like, oh my God, Lewis killed it as a host. And that one night could get you a host and gig over here when we do the riot cast.

And that one night could get you in at the seller of some, the right people are there. Certain things that happen, you need to focus on and try to do those. Instead of just falling apart every fucking six months and going oh everybody's uh well dude what am I gonna say I'm a real ass dude that's what I do I fall apart

every once in a while and I wear my heart of my sleeve and if shit's not going the way I like it to go I talk about it with my friends however I do I sell myself you know pretty well to like the scene I don't fucking just walk around you know sad about my life to fucking people I'm not boys with I don't even get that I'm trying he's like one of the Diaz brothers I just go out there and I just you know tell jokes and I just did real ass dude Okay, you come for me get slapped in the head. Oh, I don't even y'all don't pay my taxes. I'm Nick Diaz listen I just did my taxes, by the way.

I'm dumb. Killin' it? Oh, having a baby really helps. Oh, really? By the way, good picture of you and James at the taxes. You know what, Dan? I'm not done with this, don't you? You know, fuck you in this corporate shit.

Hey, I'm not done. I'm not going on to fucking baby taxes. You're the mean dad, I'm the nice mom. I know, yeah, I would know you. You're the mean dad. I'm the nice mom. Yeah, yeah This fucking aggravates me this clock sucker on the phone. He goes, man, this just what a fucking shallow Not even shallow. That's the wrong word just a phony a Phony I told Colin what you did. He was like, oh my god that's what we're calling on Saturday

Oh Tell us which I'm talking I call the most Saturday Kelly loves it I call this fucking pushwack on Saturday just because I missed him on my birthday you called him? Yeah Everybody day I don't I called him and you didn't pick I called him and you didn't pick up. I called you and you didn't pick up. And then it made me thought of Dan. I think thought it made you thought of Dan. I made me thought think of Dan. I like it. I like it. I like it. I get engraved it by Dominican. I call him up and I go, um, I go, we're talking about bullshit, whatever. And then I said, so you're here, I'm at this club, the House of Comedy.

And like you're here in a month or so, a duos who is here, I'm here, you're here. And he's like, yeah, I know, I know, I probably should probably should be meddling. I don't know how that happened. I don't know how I'm headlining. I should say like, yeah, he nailed it. Yeah, he, no, you're right. But he was not, he's not genuine. I was just, no, you weren't even jealous.

He was saying what he was thinking. He was staring at me as I was saying that. That's why I was looking at Vecchio and too. That's why I gave the phone to him. Listen to me, this fucking salsa dip and fingered fucking asshole. It's guacamimoli All right special Salsa came free with the

I'm sorry I chose a five dollar charge but I never turned walkimoli fingered fucking asshole. Would you like a singular or double? This asshole was fucking Louis waiting tables a year ago now. He's headlining the same rooms me and Deros are headlining and he he in his fucking belly rooms me in Derosor handwriting and he in his fucking belly he tried he know he's fucking excited he's loving it now you're not I'm not now you're not now you're not how do you know huh I don't know I'm just saying no you're not over and over until you fucking yeah I didn't my name is Kuntakintae. Jesus. With the African American hands,

I don't think that's really appropriate. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was talking that speaking directly to their culture. I'm calling Dan Toby for the rest of the year. Your name is Toby. You are a headliner. Hey, you're fake.

I'm a feature. You're a fake humbleness. I'm actually legitimately humble. You're not humble. What do you think I go home and speaking third person? Damn, I just did an awesome job on the Bible. I read your Twitter's. It's you're dying to be famous. I am not Thank you Shitty like thank you. Thank you. I'm actually

Thank you fan. Why'd you call them fans when you say, thanks fans? I don't, I say thanks, man. You say fans. From now on, you should say fans. I call them fans. You should call them, you should call them the Dan fans. Dan calls all of his friends fans. That's what all of you are. There's nothing in his way.

We're not. Did you know what your fans are real opinion on things? Get him drunk. Why does he ask? We were getting hammered up in the upper west side when I said, when Dan's drunk, all of that fucking humbleness goes out the window The best he's in there's like dude. I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna be the most famous calm. I never I swear to God

I never said that I never said that that you said that no With all my birthday you said that when me you veke you on the neat got fucking destroy right never Chase the taxi down. Oh my god. I never said that when me you veke on a mate got fucking destroyed right never Right chase the taxi down. Oh, I never said that And he's just fucking hiding behind a Do you know what I'm like about Dan his giant chin you but you just admit you lie you're just left You but you just admit you lie you're just left Maybe guys turn your headphones up because you screaming Blowing the fucking likes out. So if you're gonna scream just turn your headphones up so you can hear on knowing you're being So it's not only me here Lewis. Are you lying? I'm not lying. I'm exaggerating. You're

Say that I'm not I don't he said the greatest comic of the world You said the best he would have said the best and no, what he just said was What he just said was he said that I said that I wanted to be the most famous Stop for one second stop you stop and you stop. I'm gonna go to you. I'm gonna come back to you No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no's funny, the context was, he almost gave me a disc in the conversation. He was like, dude, you're going to be like, great man, you're going to be like, this MMA dude, but I'm going to be, let him finish. This isn't even exact, that's not exaggerating at all, because it cut when he said it. He show us the fucking risen scar that will never go away because you have that black

Puerto Rican skin. And then he's like, he's like, but I'm gonna be like, I don't know if he said the best. Hang on, let him talk. Let him talk. I'm gonna be like, like, I don't, yes, you said the best dude. He said the best. I know exactly what I said.

Okay, stop, stop, no, wait a second. So that's what you're saying. He said he's gonna be the best. You're gonna be a good MMA guy. Like a MMA guy. You're gonna be like one of the worst side rivers. You know you're saying. He said he's gonna be the best. You're gonna be a good MMA guy You're gonna be like what's the one side rivers? Okay, now okay, okay, let's let's let's fucking humble soda Let's do a Dublin house. Yeah on the upper one side shit faced right near my house by the way No, nothing close to you. All right. I was just checking just make sure you guys on

by the way. No, nothing close to you. All right, I was just checking. Just make sure you guys on below my ass. You're in my neighborhood. I want your call. That's all I want. We were hammered. Yes. Lewis and I, I mean, we were wrestling in the bar. We got kicked out. Yeah, we kicked out the bar. It was crazy. Okay. You know, you know, you know, you two, you're the people I've kicked out of my shows. Go ahead. Yeah. Well, fucking wrestling assholes. Lewis and I are at the bar. And he's talking. He's like, I'm just trying to get into these clubs. And I was doing as like, dude, you're going to gonna be we were talking about what our motivation is We want thinking about it. I know exactly what I said to you I don't let let let let I don't like that Kelly's cheerleading Lewis because I could still flip on her in a second

Do you think that I really fucking forgave all that horse shit she pulled last week? Listen Wow, you want to get real? Let's get real. Let's get Real dude, I want to get real let's get real brother when I told Lewis verbatim is verbatim I said I want to I want to become one of the grates. That's what I said I said I hope to become one right going to be I never I've never said going to be Yeah, you did I've never said going to be going going and hope though very similar I don't think there's a shitty bit in saying I hope to be one of the great. Yeah. She's turning back for you

You just hit her you just hit her in the nose You a Kelly get over here stop fuck Stop fuck, you should have that fuck all that. No, you're heel. I've been waiting to say something like that before, but I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be a part of it. If you do that fucking rounded posture, it makes me throw up your posture now. But what I said to Lewis was,

and I never said I was going to be, I said I hope to become one of the greats one day. That's what I said to him. And that's what I used to say, every time I was smashed, because I'd always be like, and I did shit on you kind of by being like you're gonna be an awesome Around him that's what Nate yeah, I always I lose this hilarious

Well Nate and I were tired away, but Nate and I were all it Nate and I have always talked about the fact that we think Lewis has this untapped like he could become huge in the world of MMA Huge I'm 266 already there are physically untapped like he could become huge in the world of MMA. Pun intended huge. I'm 266 already there. Fisate. Untapped. Pun intended. Yeah. Was it really? No. Yeah. Okay. You're just being phony all. Can you be a bomb man? I'm gonna talk and flip out. Okay, flip out. Why don't you be real?

I'm gonna be real. Why don't you be real for once? I am being real. We'd be real. Stop being you know you look. I'll be a real ass dude. You you you want to be. Let me ask you be a real ass dude. You you want to be. Let me ask you a quick question right now. Do you want to be famous? No.

You don't want to be famous. I want to be I want to be able to sell out on the road famous. Okay. You want to be famous. Well, what does that mean? What kind of question? Answer the question. Do you want to be famous?

No. I want to be able to draw on the road. I didn't ask you if you want to draw on the world. I want to know. What does that mean? Famous. Do you want to be famous. No. Well, I mean, I want to be able to draw on the road. I didn't ask you if you want to draw on the world. I want to know what does that mean? Fame. Do you want to be famous? Do you want people to know who you are? Yes. You want to be famous? Yes. Okay. There you go. I don't know what that means. I don't know. There's nothing wrong with being famous. But I don't want to be just. But I don't want to be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're answering the question. This is what this is your problem. You're answering the question like there's some. I'm answering the question like there's some,

I'm not saying it like there's something wrong with being famous. You can put in, but I'm not doing, that see to me that sounds when I say famous, that means there's people who do stand up just to be famous. I'm not, that's not why I'm famous. Name names. A Z's ends are.

Oh my God, I was kidding. I was kidding. I was kidding. What are you doing? I'm a grumpy man. I know, but I was kidding. I don't get that real. I'm just going to be famous. I'm just going to be crazy.

He's the hottest guy I've ever had. Jesus, some people are doing a stand-up to be fucking famous. Jesus, Dan, I'm fucking crazy. Did you just say fuck is these? I'm sorry. Why didn't I say that? That's a little. So, that's a bomb.

Wrap that around your fucking waist. Oh, it doesn't fit. Oh, my God. You get six of them tied together. Wrap around your fucking waste. Oh, it doesn't fit Good six of the time together. Yeah wrap around your forum She's kind of a thing, but band-in is don't really fit around people's wastes that doesn't Yeah, put it on your waist now. I wouldn't even fit all right now every thing that Joe has let's dive deep into it Yeah, let's let's fucking just rip it apart That's a good point.

Kelly doesn't even appreciate me. Fucking defending her once ever. It is funny though, you go, yeah, that band-in, we've been in front of your waist. Yeah. What's a band-in, it's designed for heads. Yeah, because if the band-in could fit around your waist, you'd have a thin waist.

That was the point. Yeah, but sickishly fucking thin waist. No no that's not sickishly what that's 30 inches that's not 30 inches 24 that's like 11 inches yeah yeah well it's your way better I better the longer this stays we stay where's the telly's way so there you go factually they go take it back you thin lip fucking I don't take it back that's a bad

just shut up it was it's still a bad give him the bandana for just being a shitty person. It actually fit around a waist. Yeah, so it did, when you talk about the zing was, that thing went even further on your waist. No, you said bandana don't fit around people's waist, when it actually fucking does. Let's get back to the original zing when you said that wouldn't fit around your waist.

Yeah, because it was a fat joke. It does. Because it was a fat joke. I didn't say it was good enough. But did I say it was the best fat joke in the world Just as Joseph's doing the thing where he basically is like I if you can't talk if I'm talking because I'll turn this fucking my Gov and throw him out the window you sons of bitches fucking On his bandana he should have a bandana I'm not sure for this part of the zero Now what we've got oh they have to war oh

Joe list is logic that they don't work with his logic. It's not a good thing. But anyway, that got zero You're very talked over it. I am very defensive. You want to know why? Because you Cuz you know that you you really you really you know for a fact that we're good Oh, shut up. Are you a person? I know you're angry now and I'm tapping into my anger Alan calls it connecting with my emotions Alan the fucking dickhead. I call him right now I called Joe list to see if we want to talk or come in together and you never call me back today So I call you today. Oh, what time do you call me? I'll show you right here. I like it

Angry Dan though. It's fun I don't like that somebody. This is I like when Dan gets like this. I call Joe list at 208 here. Can I see the evidence please? 208. I don't believe it unless I see it. Let me see it.

I'm getting eye surgery tomorrow. Gary Golem, I think I could see it. Celeravales. Hello. Mother Mark Norman, Sarah Tullamosh, Tom, Phil Hanley, Jason Canner, Matt Ruby, Nate Bargit, Nate. And his mother. Hi everybody. My last. Shut up. Shut up, Joe. My last day of April 6th. Tom Phil Hanley Jason Canter Matt Ruby Nate Park and his mother I Last

Shut up shut up Joe my last day of April 6th at 4th Step it on everyone's check. Oh, you're stepping on everybody shut the fuck up and like yeah But he had a good one and you I was talking You were You fucking zing one in while you're yapping he zing one in well, I don't get shit for it Yeah, but you don't just step over it. I didn't step over it. I was talking fucking Joe I

Called you all right good. There you go Well, he's got a blackberry though who fucking uses that? Well African American berry though who fucking uses that well African American Barry Listen up that band-ass I actually like that you know I like it because he looked over with fucking these little Scared eyes Listen Dent I there's nothing wrong with one to be famous and you might very well be one of the next greats I just want to be really I would yeah, I want to make a lot of money and be more Would you rather be famous or respected as a comic?

Well, can you wait till I finish you just heard the word respect and you wanted to go down that route? No, that's not it Why it's not calculating I Honestly believe that Lewis you're just trying to get it on anything. Eio you went sometimes white. I I don't think does anything wrong with wanting to be famous. If that's what you want. I'm sure you see or respected.

I don't think it's hard to be both. You know what I mean? I think that respect I think respect brings fame. But it that's what I'd rather have. I think in a natural way, but you never know how far that might go. I think I think, uh, you know know how far that might go i think i think uh... you know those guys that are uh... not as famous as other comedians or can't sell as many tickets that are more respected

that's i would just rather be a spitter and i mean yeah i'm just a question i mean being famous is not bad either yeah but it's not it's not bad it's respect is much better look man all right so you don't you you shun fame you don't like fame i'd rather respect

no so my question i shot it you don't like it you don't like you don't like do you like when people recognize you uh... public really don't like it doesn't make you feel good with somebody else and i so you're a common show really funny a comedy show yet but like with the guy who they see the guy code or like the yahu web series It's so funny though if I asked him this question a year ago and he had an apron on

He would be like dude. I'd love it if somebody if somebody just knew me is instead of smelly fingers You know, I mean, it's funny that in a year you've already somehow become You know I don't reject the Accolade fame part of it. Well, you know what it is I see other people that are in the same position as me who embrace it and it kind of makes me nauseous like what do you mean like people who Retweet compliments from guy code on Twitter. What's wrong with that Andrew Schultz? Well, yeah, he's one of them, but they people that do I mean if you want real I'm getting all fucking Why not why not because yeah, I just think when you retweet compliments Don't worry Joe's here not to be real go ahead. There's something very arrogant

I was like a D. I was like huh want you break that down I'm kidding. I'm kidding Joe. I look at Joe first of all I need to say this because so he doesn't ask me later I love you. Oh, I love you too, and I'm not mad at you. I'm kidding. I'm kidding, Joe. Look, Joe, first of all, I need to say this, so he doesn't ask me later. I love you. Oh, I love you too. And I'm not mad at you. Yeah, that's the question. I'm not mad at you.

I never questioned your love for me. The question, whether you're mad at me. It's a good to do it for me. Go ahead. But I was just saying, like, when I see people retweet compliments, it's just like, that's gross to me. I've retweet compliments all the time. Yeah, but that's because you're a shallow dude. No, do you know why people are retweeting a compliment?

It's not it's not for people to see the compliment. I'll tell you why because I've done it too. And it's the when you when you read tweet somebody as because you don't understand your fame, you don't understand how much power you hold and how much people get hurt killed. I know that. con volotea la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. ¡Oh!

¡Tenéis que ver, ¿no? ¡Epelipsis! ¿Es que es el kill-life? Es el kill-life. That's the key. That's the key. But what I'm saying is that you don't understand how powerful and how good you can make somebody feel. I've gotten tweets from people this weekend, dude, I really needed to laugh. You made my night. I haven't laughed it a long time. I needed to laugh. I get emails, tweets.

And when you retweet that to the 20,000 people you have or, you know, whatever, how many people you have? 1049. Yeah, well, I was trying to talk to famous people at the table, but no, I'm just saying that love him. You make that person feel, oh my God, you just retweeted me. Yeah. That makes me feel, imagine, imagine this, imagine if Jimmy Kimmel if you if you you like Jimmy right

Imagine you wrote him dude great show last night. I'm so happy you get in the tonight show and he retweeted What you said and said and said thanks? Would that wouldn't that make you go fucking wow he knows who I am yeah, but I respond to the question wouldn't you go? Wow, he knows who I am that's he he actually into the question, wouldn't you go, wow, he knows who I am, that's all he, he actually appreciated what I just wrote and retweeted it, that's awesome. But does it, my question is, doesn't a response to that tweet garnish the same kind of thing where it's like,

what do you mean? Like if someone, I understand what you're saying, respond directly to them. I respond to them. But they don't, that doesn't go to everybody. Okay. So it just goes to them because the only way a reply goes it just that just goes to people Everybody on your who follows you has to follow them for them to see it

So why you retweet it with a quote is like thanks man You're saying to all your fans. Hey, man. Look how this guy's a really cool guy. This was really nice I want to thank him publicly in front of all you Yeah, I want to let I want to let all you other fans know, look man, and here's the thing too, I read this shit on Twitter, if you do this and you're a fuck and pussy, if you do that you're not a man. If it's like go fuck yourself.

The way you tweet is the way you, I don't give a fuck, I don't care if you just reply to people or retweet what they do, retweet with a,'t give a fuck I don't care if you just replied you know reply to people or retweet what they do retweet with a who gives a fuck well I guess maybe that was a different way I was looking at it because I just looked at every time I saw a compliment like I'm talking about just straight compliments what do you see like two or three a month how many compliments you get yeah like well you know there's like people like people I'm kidding it was a joke god I big to you back down easily by the way No, because I'm trying to think about I think before I speak Lewis. Oh

Actually whites do sorry guys White is right Good But I like the retweeting of compliments to me just seemed arrogant. That's why I never did it So I've just respond to those people. I don't think it's arrogant I mean I think it's a hurry if that's all you do if that's all you fucking do is retweet what people say about you Fine, I mean you got to throw some jokes in some photos some videos. I mean that's what I think I don't really give a fuck what you do

But if you just do that Hey look at what people think of me, but I retweet if somebody says dude on belie show last night, you made me so happy. I'll retweet. Thanks for coming. I appreciate it. I'll retweet it to everybody. But that's fine. That's something that I get because responding to the tweet. Not only you let that person know that you acknowledge that fan in front of everybody, not just this hidden. Hey, thank you. You said, fuck it. In front of all my fans, thank you to you. You're cool. And then you let other people know that,

you know, I mean, in my eyes that you appreciate them tweeting you or following you or going to your show. Well, you appreciate them too. I mean, that's at least what I think of it. You know, when I see like certain comics, we'll say, I had a fucking insane show last night. Thank you so much for coming out. That you guys are amazing, amazing crowds. And then I see other comics was, hey, I had a fucking insane show last night. Thank you so much for coming out. That you guys are amazing, amazing crowds.

And then I see other comics going, if you tweet that you had amazing shows and amazing, you're a fucking asshole. No, you're not. You're actually the fact that this many people came out on Saturday night on the second show. I had to sell out my show right I have to thank you guys That's a little different though when comics in New York in the city you guys are doing a showcase is two three shows a night

And then they all do it amazing crowdless. I fucking that really noise the shit out of me when people write Oh, but see it show last night. It's like I just another showcase. I get it. It was a good crowd Well, you're doing is you're trying to send a message to everybody else one one second one second you want to make out Linda with me oh no okay oh I thought you just said yes no not you you fucking look you just trying to step on my head to get above me even with pussy to get to those beautiful lips absolutely my lips are her lips both triple kiss I just love afro man. I love afros. I love everything. I love now. I love black women's Natural fucking hair No natural hair is the sexiest thing. The right afro is fucking so sexy to me. I can talk about Linda all podcast

I do I like it. I like afros. I'm not even you're doing horse shit. No, I'm actually real about it Trying to put out a sexy bad. Hey. Hey, now you fucking, I'm really talking about her outfit. I mean, real today, this whole podcast, I'm being honest. Real ass podcasts. Real ass podcasts. But Lewis was right, like when people were like, oh, that crowd, or like you see people on Twitter that are like, killed that crowd.

Like that's disgusting. And also, especially when they're doing truck Hudson. I'm not good, never killed the crowd. I'm not good with compliments, ever, ever. Really? You have pretty eyes. I don't like it. You have pretty eyes.

Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. You have pretty eyes. Thank you, Bobby. It seemed pretty good to me. Don't feel comfortable.

Yeah, show me a dick. Let me pull it up. Look, man. I understand what you're saying, but I think it's, I think retweeting your fans and letting them know to everybody else that you appreciate what they appreciate is you, I, we forget how much that we affect people. We really do. You know, I signed somebody's, uh, some, some dude CD and he was like, dude, thank you so much This is like I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? Well, you know, I mean what the fuck are you talking about?

It's an obba CD. Oh, god, it, man. Really? You just fucking punched up your own joke in a worse way. He's gassing out. I'm lost. I laughed, I encouraged him. It's my fault.

He's the he's fucking obba. You have to sit like a, yeahba and my god, I love Abba No, god Do I have to? I look man. I don't know if you know this all started with first of all you and you you know I'm you know The reason I yell at you is because I've talked to you. I've had pep talks with you and you just said you you you The podcast listeners don't know who the fuck you're talking about.

Well, they know there's five people in the room and I'm one of them. So they'll deduct or deduce who the fuck I'm talking to. They're deduct. All right, I've had pep talks with everybody in the room except for Joe. Joe's a solid bro. No, I've talked to Joe a little bit,

but he's doing really good right now. He's in a fucking great zone with his life. But it's time we got to be close. Joe's a solid bro. No, I've talked to Joe a little bit, but he's doing really good right now. He doesn't, he's in a fucking great zone with the life. But the time we got to be close, I was really kind of killing it at life. Yeah, I mean, he actually, Joe inspires me to be honest with you. He too. Thanks everybody.

I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, not everybody. Not everybody said that. I'm more of a, I'm more of a, a more of a Quinn man. But someday I'll have a problem. I'll, I'll go to you, I guess. Not everybody said I'm more of a a more of a Quinn man

Some day I'll have a problem. I'll go to you. I guess I look. I here's a deal. I wouldn't With Lewis the reason why you aggravate me is because you're just like me Me and you are the same guy. We have the same temperament. You know, we like the same shit and body type almost and You've been pulled head and you fucking aggravate me because you don't listen you just go on and on and it's a shit You fucking mouth who's got a bigger dick him. I don't know. I don't know Yo, how big is your dick? Now Great, it's a great work. You grab your dick I'm not even fucking stepping into this arena. I've got like no hang. It's just all.

You've said before you had a small dick. Not a small dick, but it's not very good. Yeah, I don't have a great dick. Do I have the biggest dick in the room? Yeah. No, but it's dick. Oh no. You've got a thick piece.

I think overall size. I mean, I mean, if there was a god and he's just, he would have gave you a big dick, because he gave all of us a looks. I'm not necessarily good looks, but I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do it. I mean, if there was a god in his just, he would have gave you a big dick, because he gave all of us a looks. That's certainly good looks, but looks. Yeah, fuck it. Your look is job of the hut. Lewis is job of that too much.

No, keep going, dummy. I would just stop on Lewis. I didn't even get into the blue, so I just pretended to be upset. Confused, yeah. It's gonna be big, though. I was next to Dan with the bathroom, and I looked right at him. I don't want to get into fucking Dix again. We

get into fucking queer shit every time you're around. But let Lewis finish the sentence. It's rude to interrupt it. Continue this? It's a pretty nice size fucking packer. I should see it when it's all flamed up. So here's a deal. I won't fucking. I won't yell at you again. Lewis, I apologize. No, no, I do like you yelling at me because you want cuz you want me Bob what the fuck what the fuck? What the fuck how do you do what he just did? Well I do Lewis. What does that mean? How do you fucking bitch about something? I do bitch and then the person yeah You do it. Yeah, that's not what happened dude

You said I called you up in your birthday and then I had an Aaron have a conversation with you And then I said that's not true I actually called you three days after my birthday and you yelled at me That's all I said. I don't like you talking to Lewis and Dan on my birthday I think that day is should be set aside for me. I called you didn't pick up your phone Well, I was and then you text me you text me shit. You never call me personally and say anything I call you call fucking Colin Quinn and talk to him for hours I called you a few weeks ago. We're talking about a climber and he even picked up my phone calls this clock Seconds a climber and this guy's a climber in sobriety

He just he wants to work the best club and have the best fucking friends in sobriety trying to put together a dirty Doesn't a friend's calling for 10 years. Yeah, no need for six months. months. Talked to Colin today, he fucking, I went, Joe, I went, who, I went, list, he goes, what? I go to Joe list, shopping, I have to put your name together for him to get it. That's true. And now. No, Joe, it's not.

Everything I say about you is not true. Just a serious note though, I do want to say, is there any way we could get it a little warmer in the studio here Well, I tried to open the windows Can we open the middle? Can we open the middle window and can we can we? Fuck it turn the AC on fuck it. Let's go one Thap break the knob. Yeah, it's gonna get hotter as the summer happens Al roca over there, you know what why we turn these we turn these lights off? Turn the light off over here?

I'm not gonna turn all these things. Turn all these lights off. Let's turn all these off. Probably like a wider version of Al Roker. A black and red. Turn that off. Fucked up my own joke. Turn that off the other one too.

Yeah, yeah. What do you think about that? And Linda, please, you're gonna let your hair on fire. Sit next to... Oh, that happened to the mic. Were you there? No. That's a Creek Micah girl's hair caught on fire.

And really the mic. It was really amazing. It was really amazing. How? amazing because the candles I don't want you to leave it on but just don't I don't want you to get burnt Kelly turn this fan on right here sorry let's uh... turn that fan on right there you got it right and and turn that fan on plug that fan in and throw it out Joe's face he's no he's saying to turn your friends on you hold them fans With that big dick Well, Bobby some girls can't hear come on fired the no open up mic the other night where at the creek in the cave how

She there's a can those candles everywhere. She was just sitting there and all of a sudden this kid Bryson turn had to come up And just start whacking her in the back of the head and we open all the windows the whole place dunk. It was really amazing Oh my god, what was's what's comic? I Don't know I guess I'll say they're in Aaron Leno Conner. I don't know I'm like actually should be embarrassed But I'm saying I'm saying it ain't for 20,000 people And wasn't that embarrassing I mean just it's fun. I mean now she's bald, but yeah, well she had cancer as well. Oh Jesus Just can't do it a little much. Oh Too much much now? What's that? Is it too much? Great. Oh God. I'm sorry. It's 31. This is the only fan I have. I mean can we can we just in this room right now? Can we just be fucking can we just be just funny? Know that we love each other and that

we're friends and that Lewis, even though you might not make it in the business, you're gonna make it somewhere. I'm not really even in that. I love more than half of you so much. He's talking about me. I love that you snapped on Kelly again. You still love him.

You guys, you know you snapped. You like, dude, I haven't forgiven her Yeah, he needs time wow I like is it the period I'm not gonna force any time It's not even to Alan sent you that last podcast. Yeah, what do you say? Well, you know you just sometimes Well, she seems to be a little annoying He's sided with me which was the best

Second off the reason I'm still gonna fire it up is because there's been a couple internet comments today. Really? That on Twitter that were like, like what? Let me read them. Are they on the, um, this one guy? Oh, it's just one guy. I don't know. Jesus Christ. But I was having my coffee trying to be zen like, and this you know what really what he's hey you know what I got it here we go I retweeted it no with the listening to YKWD and soda acting like a dick to Kelly is another reason to stop following him follow napagatsy that's not what I'm talking about monster voice should be named monster dick follow naper gatsy

He is a true friend You know what's funny as I talked to Nate Yeah I'm gonna laugh about it That's funny Oh shit I have the Nate Pergatsy fucking thing I have to put in there today you guys I have another guest spot by Nate Pergatsy By Nate Pergatsy?

Nate's doing Conan tonight Yeah How is he? Oh great well they're not gonna know that it was last week well we don't know that he did Conan last week bomb done Conan last week hey hey now he's not going to bomb I actually watch nates very funny speaking of nate you guys want to what's up the guy actually responded very nicely what do you say he wrote uh... his name's uh... charlie for NYC in the road how do I how do I do fine no

really fine really yes fine, really? Yes, fine, are you sure? Yes, okay, are you positive? We'll talk later, you suck as a friend at Dan Soder and I wrote, not really, just when I'm annoyed at something that's happened 20 times before and then he wrote, nah, you got a life and sometimes it's just too tiring to be the propping up guy.

So I forgive him. The propping up guy, what is that? Like propping her up. You're propping her up? Why, so by you feeling better You get to make Kelly feels like shit. That's that makes you feel better. What are you serious? No, I'm not Kelly look at me and her left eye wiggled with a tear My eyebrows with the top of the head

I I Browse with the top of the head. What the fuck? I never thought I Never thought I Stop right there as much as advice I see claims to be I never realized I look I'm not gonna get it look at here's a deal Yeah, good Wiggled with a tear has to be the name of this I thought it was real ass podcast no no no that's gonna be the end of my podcast with like wait hammer first thing I fucking oh you should have the end of my podcast with like wait hammer fisting Oh, you should add to ease. It's rape real-ass podcast entertainment That's it

Don't leave then we need you Alan really sided with you. Yeah, oh Jesus You go to Beverly though. Yeah, but Ellen Beverly started with me. So You're paying them. They're gonna side with whoever you're fucking paying. Oh God. I hope I talk about us. I've been doing a LG Can I get a real ass water? Yeah I want to go to Napar Gatsatsy we have Nate doing a guest spot yet again. Are you guys ready for this? Hosting flat tire I am not I

Very really I let me taste am I hold the ship together you do You fucking you young fucking douche bags with egos and infrared complexes and I keep you you young fucking douche bags with egos and inferiority complexes and I keep the whole world what complex is rewind it if you want to hear other than that inferry are the worst of all the worst of all the worst of all um

haha what I just want to see if Joe had anything oh I just the idea that any of us have egos I think the inferiority complex is running wild I think there. I think the inferiority complex is running wild I think there's I think there's fucking ego's ego Yeah, you do yeah, you do I see I've seen it. Yeah, I do until I agree no you have an ego I have an ego Lewis hasn't we all have egos even he has an ego you have egos are

We'll be able to do we wouldn't be able to do we do we do do we can't get a stage in front of these people anywhere anytime If you didn't have an ego if you didn't have some type of ego mixed with confidence in self-esteem You definitely have a fucking ego about you. You if you can't admit that It's I'm not saying it's all you're all ego. You're all fucking. I'm the shit I'm saying that you know we have confidence, but you have a fucking bit of an ego. You know, you have a certain people, you don't have it with me, but I see it with other people beneath you.

I see it. I have it, you know what I mean? I think we all have it. You know, some people have it more than others. Some of my best friends have the fucking biggest egos in the world, you know, but you accept them. I accept them because of who they are. Yeah, right? Right. I mean, but you accept them. I accept them because of who they are. Yeah. Right? Right. I

mean, what are you going to do? This fucking, what do we do? We're not, we're not sitting in a cue ball. They were not making taffy. What you're going to do about it? Girl, what you're going to do? Newkins on the block, reference. That's not a bandana. She's snorting laughing over here and Linda just peed her pants laughing Yeah, please don't take that off your mic ever. I think this is the most unfair bandana toss Thank you giving it to that p reference that Lewis Oh, that's a little bit more cool We're cool. I don't believe you.

No, we are. Our taxi's good. See that? No, you're not. You're not. You're not. You're still mad at her. You're still mad, Dan.

Listen, that's not about what happened. That's about fundamental. Here's the thing. This is the deal. You get, you want everything to be okay. I'm not just you. Everybody wants everything to be okay. You want to be just a co-existent not have negative vibes in the air.

But you fucking have resentment against this fucking twat for throwing you under the bus last week and on the show and you had to defend yourself or look like an asshole. And now, you know, I mean, you have, you have a little fucking resentment. So what? Who gives a fuck?

You have resentment towards me. I have resentment towards him. You're always gonna have something with somebody, even the close people, even the people you love the most. You gotta get, you have resentment towards him. You're always going to have something with somebody. Even the close people, even the people you love the most. You've got to, you have a good point. You're always going to have something that you, you fucking aggravated me with the quin thing. I have quins in my guy. Fuck him. You know what I mean? But it's not, I don't, I love Joe. I'm not going to take it, take it around me all fucking day. It hits me a little bit. Stupid him last week when I was yelling at him on the phone when he wouldn't listen.

He just wanted to solve his own problems that, you know, continuously fucking doesn't solve. And I'm taking time out of my Saturday to talk to this fucking immigrant and he won't listen. Unfortunately, it was born here. How does that offend you? I'm, yeah. I've known you for a year, I've known him for like nine years.

Doesn't matter Joe. Six months in tenies before he gets there. What has he done for you? What have I done for you? You've built a lot. I'm kidding. I don't even know what he's not. I'm kidding.

That was a political answer. I know a corporate answer. He went like this. No, that was. That was a I don't want to hurt Bobby answer. So I'll say you both did a lot. It was considered. Now I'm harsh.

Oh, no. How's that? You don't know how the politics game goes and I was a very little hold on to that I thought it was a thoughtful and sweet answer we're gonna switch gears we're we're out of this comedy we're out we're out of this game all right the the fucking fighting and the feuding can we just say that look we all look like Kelly right, this is new forward. Go to twig.io.com, write the fuck now, right, Dan? Yeah.

And get what? Get some headphones. Write on. 33% off right now. Use the code word, d-u-d-e, dude, at twig.io.com, you get any pair of headphones, shipped free, which is fucking amazing I

I ordered mine this weekend I ordered three more pairs Because I lose them all traveling I leave them in fucking hotels and on planes and shit And I love them. I love the green ones the green ones with the mic they look like the iPhone headphones But for some reason they're better. They're actually, they fit in your ear better, better, better, better. Ear, you have the wood ones, right? I gave you the wood ones. Are they actually wood?

No, they like. I got headphones. Yeah, they're like a weird, you know, I'm getting it. No, no, no, they are, they are, or the Kelly, that's horrible. They actually are made of wood. Are they?

Yeah, they're made of wood. Kelly, all right, good. Are they good? Yeah, they're good, they fit in my ear very nicely. They're fucking great. So, they're good. They're good. They're feeling my e very nice the fucking great So and they're they're they're very inexpensive headphones But they're well-made and with 33% off they're even more fucking cheaper cheap back in kids

Yeah, cheap I kid so go to twig.io.com 33% off we get we get some of that money So buy as many as you can because it's very cheap gift spend 40 fucking dollars kid at the fucking twig to audio dot com and Steve Sweeney will fucking show up at your house and do fucking eight minutes of material maybe in Vity Faberino can we go that's my fucking sandwich kid your cocksucker, hello, Amazon.com on our website on riocast.com. Use that link and go back and gamefly.com slash YKWD and join up for two week free. You get it. Here's what you really do. You want to really promote the show? You, you, are you enjoy the show? You enjoy this free, amazing, holy shit show every week do this show at the end

Tell a friend get people into it. We need an army damn Joe Yeah, that's Lewis. I'm Joe. No, I was gonna say Lewis, but then I was like yeah Lewis would lead him into a fucking jungle and drink purple food. I'm a fishing dot com If you guys that's why that's why I stopped because he's all about he doesn't he's not a YKWD you're not I was just gonna clue you but you're always gonna bring up your stupid podcast your crossover character bro yeah you're you're a crossover you're like you're like when When I fucking something happened with another show Like when they're like when Larry Apple White would be on an episode of Family Matters.

Thank you. Or when Loretta the mother from Family Matters would be on an episode of Perfect Strangers. Or when Kramer was on Murphy Brown. I remember that. So here you go. What was I saying? I'm gonna do night break. Oh, tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him, tell him. Tell him, tell him. Tell him, tell him.

Tell him, tell him. Tell him, tell him. Tell him, tell him. Tell him, tell him. Tell him, tell him. Tell him, tell him. Tell him, tell him. Tell him, tell him.

Tell him, tell him. Tell him, tell him. Tell him, tell him. Tell him, tell him. Tell him, tell him. Tell him, tell him. Tell him, tell him. Tell him, tell him. Tell him, tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell fake iPad and pretend she's doing shit the whole dip dip with your finger I know you're not doing shit okay and you sit yeah but it's our show Joe yeah when we're on it you know what it's our show so here's the fucking deal

maybe you can help me out a little bit I've been up for fucking two days I didn't sleep I come in to do this fucking show have all you guys on we're having fun and I'm getting high surgery tomorrow and and and I fuckingake out a little bit and you can pick up the fucking the slack a little bit. Well you seem dad falling asleep at the wheel maybe you tap me huh. First of all I really stepped in there with the telefront thing I was gonna rant about it then you cut me on I just appreciate you being part of my show our show. Wooo! It's really nice. It's just you know it's our show. Whoa. It's really nice. It's really sweet. You know, it's our show and Lewis and Kelli are great good.

All right. Take it easy. But Tell us for friends. What's your? I just was just trying to see how long Joe is going to go with that. Tell us some friends and tell them to download. I don't even know how you listen to the show. Download it.

To upload it. To an episode. I've never listened to an episode. I've never listened to any podcast, but just get the thing You know, it was a real friend of the show Nate Bergatzi. Let's let's go to a guest spot when Nate Nate Bergatzi better than all of us around it And now a guest spot on the YKWD podcast by Nate Bergatzi Bergatsi. What's up dude?

Snaig Bergatsi coming to you live. Is this live? It's probably not live. This is only my two minute portion that I'm allowed on a 900 minute long podcast. It's great to be on it though, Bobby. I love every second of it. It's really, really come on. I'm jumping up Twitter followers

I don't know tens of time so I'll catch a I'm gonna catch Dan Soder in 2040 when I'm dead and my daughter's just running my Twitter account So that will be exciting I hope every watch Conan not just not for me Just so you got to see Lewis Gomez make his television debut in a story This is the first time he is television credit does not have a dot com in it So he really blew up and he's moving out here. I know you don't want to move LA, but he's got to move Everybody's moving out here Bobby. You know who else is probably going to move out here?

Here I'll let you talk to him. What's up Bobby Kelly? Is Janus Papis here? Yeah I represent the New York portion of your show that's needed because we're where the city that matters. You need to move out here because what I've discovered is LA is a beautiful place. And Bobby, you need to be here. You need to be in LA. First of all, for your career, okay? Get that 50,000 number up, like double it immediately. You'll be taking meetings like crazy. But more importantly, they only have a salad here. Everywhere you look, salad.

This is all salad. Everyone eats healthy here. It would be like rehab for you. If you were in LA, it would be like rehab. First couple of days would be tough. You'd have the shakes and stuff, but we'd chain you to a bed, feed you lettuce. And next thing you know, there's nowhere for you

to find a donut out here. This would be your personal rehab. Come now, LA. I'm out. Peace out. You know what, dude? out. You know what dude? What's happening YKWD fans? DAD! Come see me live. Here's my dates for this month.

So if you're in the area and you know coming see me, you're an asshole. And so is in your girlfriend So here are the dates for this month where you can come see me live at a comedy club near you April 17th I am at the Empire City casino in Yonkers, New York April 17th. So let's hope I I don't get stabbed Come out that if you live in Yonkers get Sam down to that show April 17th, so let's hope I don't get stabbed. Come out to that if you live in Yonkers. Get Sam down to that show. April 18th, 19th, 20th.

I'm gonna be in Scottsdale, Arizona, at stand-up Scottsdale. None played the club, haven't been to Arizona in probably eight years, so I can't wait to get out there to AZ that we guys call it AZ For the rest of my dates go to robbercallylive.com Hit the tour button get my app on iTunes. It's free And you can get all my tour dates when I'm coming in you the app is cool too if you ever and I phone

You just turn the app on and if I'm within a hundred miles of you it will automatically tell you and give you an option to buy tickets, fucker. So make sure you check me out. Go to my website and find out when I'm coming to your area. Get all your friends and family members and get some people you don't like and head on over to my fucking show. Thank you for being my friend. And we're back. That was a great guest. That's awesome. Thank you.

Good job Nate. Oh so funny. So time on this. Shut up. He made fun of me again. He made fun of me again. He made fun of me again. I didn't even get what just happened.

Oh, you're gonna plug it in late. Up Nate. All right, good. Oh, God. Sorry, I love Vanderbilt. I was at this gig this weekend, House of Comedy, in the Mall of America. Holy shit. Are you cooled off?

Can we turn this shit off now for a little bit? Because the noise is just killing me. Can we turn all these fans off? I can do whatever you want. It's our show. It's a... technically it's my show but I mean when you're on it it's your show too. You can... do you shut it off Dan? Shut off the EC, got it. No, shut off the fan.

You and your fucking champ fingers. Oh! Can we get a new one of those? Kelly, you're gonna have to go to the fucking, did you shut it off? Kelly's gonna have to learn how to rebuild an air conditioner. You really are just a fucking ape, dude. Kelly, can you mold a plastic air conditioner knob?

Kelly, we're gonna take some donations from the fans to send you to air conditioning school. She's like, I learned how to put it in the tree. Oh, yeah. And I was at least, I learned that actually I can join a union here. I can't believe it. I'm going to help insurance. I'm going to leave it on the podcast.

I'm still laughing at Jim fingers. Yeah. Listen. Listen. Listen. Oh boy. Listen. Boy, Nate really busted this thing.

Oh, no. Good job, Nate. What a guest spot. I can't believe. Boy listen wait Nate Nate really busted this thing I can't believe Kelly and over all that a school Why why the fuck how did you do that dude? It was really broken. Yeah, it's a real. I was not broken You broke it. What listen if I had broken I would fucking say I broke you broke it. It's fucking broken No, it was already broken. It was not broken. It was working. Oh, my dude. It was already broken I didn't I have it on when we before anybody came up. It was fine dumb dumb You it's cuz you don't know how to fucking you don't know how to do things gentle

You don't you just everything break break Yeah You don't. You just everything. Brrr, brrr. Yeah, but that's why you be smashing that pussy, right? Louis. Yeah. Yeah. Are you hurt or what? Louis, all he does is bang and make fake. Please.

At Louis, are you wearing spanks? No. Let me see. Are you wearing spanks? Louis is wearing spanks. Louis is wearing spanks. Louis is wearing spanks. Oh, no. No, no. Should go. Louis is wearing spanks. Oh my god. I

My god, I just touch something that felt so For you I did laundry Let me say those Let me see the jeans Listen to me pull the I need to see the shirt up. I'm gonna pull my shirt Please pull the shirt up. You a man. Are you a real ass dude? Be your real ass dude Let me see it be a real ass. Stop banging on the floor Let me see Let me see

First of all, where did you dude?, I don't know what you are. Are you a, you, you, you have fucking four different fats. I imagine, she's making video of this. I imagine, I imagine Lewis in his bedroom on a fainting chair and Beatrice has a pliers. She's like, I gotta get in these jeans. I gotta get in these jeans. No, she, she sold them up the one side of the leg.

Wow, man. Wow, we, we, we, we're fat. We're just a fat cat. Bob, I've lost like 10 pounds in the past couple weeks. Don't talk to me. I know. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't try to, don't try to fat trick me.

I know, I know. You're still is a fat. He's trying to do, he's trying to do a slight of hand. Yeah, I know. I have a personal training session right after this. Right now, I'm doing a personal training session right now. What, what'm doing a personal training session right now. What is the personal training? What is he gonna do really? Yeah, look man. I haven't had a it's been a week It's a been a month and a week now. I have another sugar and carb so I lost

16,000 cheese Well, no, I'm using that Nutri-Bullet, which is awesome. It's great on the road, too. I'm doing everything in the world. Isn't it great? Oh, I love it. What's your favorite drink, Joe? What do you mean? Exactly what I said. What's your favorite Nutri-Bullet drink?

How could you have taken it any other way? No, what's your favorite Nutri-Bullet drink? I don't know. I just been making, I've been making that before. What do you make? What do you make? What do you put, I guess? Let me slow it out for you.

Who is? Fucking squinty. Well, I heard what you said. I didn't understand well good what it was your favorite drinking spinach blueberries blueberries black grapes black grass berries well African American groups um uh uh

Jesus uh fuck off I think it's great got black grapes. Yeah black grapes Do some strawberries strawberries. I just got some chia seeds which are great. I know I told you about those I told you that you know what happens to the chia seeds when you add when it What they expand when you hit the one it gets a slime on them if you take a spoonful of chia seeds put it like a little bowl Pull water on them in around 10 minutes., put it like a little bowl, pour water on them, and around 10 minutes will be like slime,

all over them, they expand. It's actually really good for your colon, because it helps you shit better. It helps everything smooth right off. You sell them on work and they're like a chia seed pudding. It's crazy expensive though. But chia seeds. Yeah, like 13 bucks a bag.

I got some walnuts. Yeah. What else do I put? Oh, banana, of course. course apple don't use too many bananas I put a banana a lot of sugar a lot of carbs I put banana in there I would flex ground flexi crazy crazy you should oranges and bananas I don't do oranges But I did two bananas yeah two bananas a day is a lot But bananas also add to me case and you thrive yeah, you still do it don't do a lot of bananas

You do want banana a day I guess I try to skip a day. I've been doing spinach cucumbers. I didn't ask you yet Joe, so go ahead. No, no damn. I'm sorry, buddy What was do you want to talk off my dude dude dude? What do you got what do you got then? No, no, you already said oh stop done I got a spinach carrots cucumbers Stop done. I got a spinach carrots, cucumbers, bananas, raspberries, blueberries, strawberries in an apple. It's great. It's unbelievable. One of my favorite ones that I've done so far that literally makes me feel like I could

feel it going into my blood is kale, spinach, cucumber, grapes, pear, pear, pears, yeah, flax seeds, and some chia seeds. Joe, what do you think of that recipe? I like it. It will hydrate you. Like, your mouth would just be like wet. It's fucking a dick. It will hydrate you like your mouth would just be like oh like wet. It's sucking a dick. I have it right. It's sucking. I mean you could if you're gonna suck a dick that you have the strength first. Yeah, but he'd be about a girl over my

Just drink that and we should be ready to go. Wait is this like just a juicer? You guys are talking about it? It's not a juicer. They're better than a juicer. Bobby, tell him what the neutral bullet does. We're just three easy pigments of 39, 99. I mean if you don't buy one of these things you've got to be insane. Bobby explain the process of what the neutral bullet can do for Lewis. It's not a juicer, it's not a blender, it's a neutral blast. You're legitimately blasting nutrients into your body. I have a food processor at home and I would just go home.

Why is this better? Because that's the old technology. We live in a home. You guys have no idea what this thing does, do you? No, this is what it does. You ready? What the juicer, the cleanup and the pulp and all that shit that goes in the back is fucking annoying.

I've had a juicer. You do it for like maybe two days and you're like, I'm done. I'm not cleaning this fucking every day. I actually happened with this. There is no cleanup. It all gets pulverized with the 600 fucking horsepower engine in this thing. And you can just throw shit in, throw it all in, and it gets pulverized. And you can actually pour it if you use enough water. If you don't use enough water, there's a lot of actually pour it if you use enough water if you know you can have water there's a lot of pulp but if you use enough water like the direction say you can pour through a filter and there's nothing there's no pulp you're

drinking all of it now it's all going in you joe how easy is that clean up unbelievable i don't really clean anything so i just rinse it right off and it's done well you should probably clean it because that doesn't sound too hell-fuck. But again, it's easy. I tell you, Lane. Those sorts of bacteria growing in the mouth. Joe's like, I fucking got some weird jungle disease.

That only gets my teeth hurt. Every time I take a juice, my teeth. We're peaches ripin' too much. They call it Georgia fever. I grow hair on my eyelids last week because I had too much flax seeds. I just skin as all yellows. He's dying to get jaundice. You um, apparently I got I got peach poisoning. Yeah, there you you when you're done, when you're done, when you're done, you just rinse it out. That's it. And it's great for

late at night because when you go home late at night and you're starving instead of The order from the dali or spending you know 20 40 bucks on fucking food You just get get your shit out of you have it all in there already take it out cut it up ice you gotta use ice you gotta use ice I'm getting the fiber because that's the problem with juicing is that I uh what when you juice all of that shit that goes in the bucket Yeah, you're losing all of that fiber There's a lot of new drinks that you drink that with the neutral ball. Yeah, Bobby I think we'll be as clear as we're being That's the thing you're losing what what do you lose it because when you juice it shoots all of like the extra shit like Yeah, that's not the juice. Paul. It's called pulp. It's pulp. Oh, you're actually getting that you're not wasting anything. Oh Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like most of your act is pulp. I

Think that was out of line. I don't think that was a bomb. Was it a bomb? I thought you'd be insurious. I could go two ways on that. I think it was a bit. I was like, that's a good point, well, and the reason why it's good is that you get all that pulp, but you also, the cleanup is the best. You rent? Yeah, you rent it the fuck out, wash it with a sponge, and you're done. You can make another one right away.

I did it back to back today. Yeah, you don't have to fucking wait. You can just keep going. And you can make, like, I usually make during the day for lunch, I'll make a more of a veggie one. Well, it's a little more harder to kill do kill is very strong yeah that yeah but you you throw throw a pair in there throw some grapes okay an apple will counteract it's fucking great and and um

sometimes they take the skin off of stuff like an apple I might peel that off sometimes okay um but it's it's fucking the best I'm really mad at you for not being here the last three weeks because this is like the 70th time I heard this fucking story about these Nutri Bullets. All right, you know what? I'm talking about how great they are. I'm sitting here playing with my dick You know what the hell's gonna fuck first of all, I'm gonna stop this gaba haj Dan Soda on this show and the fans of this show will fucking testify. Yeah. Okay, the ones that still like Dan after fucking fucking with you last.

Still got all those God Code fans. Yeah, 14 year old girls. Voices, man, sexy. Why is this head so wide? He's so tall. He's giggly. What's the point of his folded victory? Why is his eyes so fall apart?

I don't know. I don't know. I thought they were too close together. Back to the god of the house. They're actually too close to the side of his head. No. They're gonna be eyes of a deer. We're gonna be.

I'm gonna be. Listen, Kelly, if you still get Dan Soda offer you to buy you a goddamn fucking, and you turn it down with your bullshit humbleness, like you shouldn't take everything you can fucking possibly get. Money, water, food. That's because you can't juice brownies. I'm upset that Dan didn't get me more than just that. What the fuck?

No one's laughing at you. You can't juice brownies. I didn't hear that. It just came into my ears and it's like, I didn't know the name of the devil. Real no better. It's run, no. Go.

It was running. I don't know what you're saying. Real has to do it. I think it was one of his insensitive race jokes. Yeah. Well, yeah, he off. How much are these? 120. Can you buy me one? one 20 or two easy payments of 120?

Not the mayor of Lutra, but I'm not just handing. I got Joe. What is he? Patrice? Yeah, you're gonna buy Joe one. I would have been able to. He said he would buy you one. He like, no, I didn't need you. After we've been arguing over how he, you know, that was the week before you. It was. It was you weren't arguing at all you guys were friends Oh, man, you guys were fake friends at that now they're thinking back at how great that friendship was Yeah, sad about what happens, you know Well, I'm allowed to hate what you should get a fuck you should have got a new trouble a lot of this fucking cock sucker At least you get something you're not getting my at least you get something. You're not getting my own here forever.

You might need my fucking just mention it every two seconds. I don't know, and if I trust it. Joe, do you want to go back to Queens and have some neutral bullets? I'm going to go meet up with Sarah. Who's Sarah? He's girlfriend, he's a beautiful girlfriend. I was your last week. I'm kidding, dude.

I'm just fuckin' with you. Sometimes I can't tell because there's a lot of, you know, punchlines. So it's supposed to be hard. I am Sometimes I can't tell because there's a lot of, you know, punch lines. So it's gonna be hard. I am. So I did, I did the house of comedy this week. Let me get back to that a little bit. Unbelievably, first of all, they changed the hotel. Are you state there's a beautiful radison that's attached to the mall now? It's one of my, it's fucking beautiful.

They thank God they changed the fucking hotel. I'm out, can I just pop up? I have to interject. Because in your rant, when you were young, the other day, and you were giving me like, it's about the hotel, by the way. He was giving me all the shit because I'm, you know, I was depressed, whatever it is.

He's like, you think I don't fucking go through it? I don't go through it. I said, argue with them to get the hotel that's attached to the comedy club And now it comes out that they fucking change it without you arguing you liked to me trying to pump you up No, it wasn't I'll tell you I'll tell you exactly what it was ready. It was that they had me in the up this no They had me in the other hotel. They had me in the old hotel. And I, I'm like the last time I was there,

I was in a fucking parking lot at two in the morning, waiting for a shuttle bus that the guy said, it's coming, the manager. Okay, that manager no longer works there, but I was bullshit because there was no fucking, first of all, fuck you in a shuttle bus At after the show give me a ride to fuck home get me home I'm gonna I'm gonna adult. I want at least you can get me to my hotel safely

That that should be in part of the gig. We shouldn't have to walk across a fucking highway We shouldn't have to fucking walk eight blocks the only if the like Cleveland the gig was out the door of the fucking hotel right there I get that but not a mile and a half away I shouldn't have to rely on some fucking shuttle bus or a taxi fuck you Yeah, just get a taxi will pay you know how will you just fucking pick me up or get somebody to pick me up So I can make sure that I don't have to leave 20 minutes before the fight and the taxi guy doesn't come. Or somebody else jumps in my cab. Now I'm fucked. So anyways. I would love your problems.

That's the point I'm just gonna make. Yeah, I know. But I would love fucking Louis CK's problems. I would love fucking, you know, game- I would have to hold problems. I really would. I would. I would love somebody.

Everybody wants everybody else's problems. But all the way up the fucking line, everybody has fucking problems. That was my point to you. is that everybody has fucking problems. No money, no problem. Right? Dan has fucking problems. Everybody hates him for a success.

That hair cut is not that great. He's so successful that he makes everyone feel good. It's not even that successful. He just went really fast. You got to fish eyes? Yeah. Anyways, they wound up changing me to the hotel in the the place Which they were gonna do they did that's where people said I don't fuck up whatever

But it was annoying absolutely was annoying Just if you had just said your hotel is in the mall I wouldn't have to worry about all this bullshit. That was my point that it sucks that that had to happen But it worked itself out is one of my point was that's that's why he doesn't fucking listen. He just takes snippets and waits to that that's why he's a fucking moron. That's why I yell at you because you're not listening to what I'm saying. You're trying to find holes in it. You can't juice bro. Yes, right. Fuck it. So anyways, the club the fucking club is a you know, it's in the mall blah blah blah. I remember

a tree's called me from this club he was fucking gonna shoot himself I was in the same week he was that I was at the acne Acme how is that? that's uh... well I feel weird because we're talking about this club in the state of the street no fucking please tell me about that I think it's the best club I've ever been to

we're in the country what? it's unbelievable in Minneapolis it's the best club in the country yes what? it's unbelievable in Minneapolis is the best club in the country yes What it's unbelievable. I did radio. I did a not radio. I did a podcast over there Tom Bernard who is the number one radio in Minneapolis. I did his show and I did this other show they had me it was weird dude I don't they were cool. They weren't assholes at all, but they had me sit in another room not with them

It was like I'm like, are they mad like do they not like me? Did they not and they were like no? They just do this once sometimes they might use that policy, you know with Kelly It was weird, but Tom Bernard is the guy But his podcast is in that building where Acme is and it's a fucking beautiful building. It's an old loft Yeah, beautiful room beautiful building. Yeah, every time I say fuck I'm gonna give Kelly a dollar by the way I don't want to say fuck on this podcast anymore. So there's four bucks. I'd not from now Fuck it What I give a dollar? I get a sound effect to you

Don't mean type that but Acme's really I mean I wanted to go check it out I was I was with the girl from house of comedy. I really want to go check it out i was with the girl from house comedy i really want to check it out but it's really awesome it's amazing yeah you've heard of what i haven't i think if you have every working comic in the country all of them would put it in the top three at least it's unbelievable really it's fucking great it's all but say it's really low ceilings. It's underneath. There's no food There's a restaurant outside. There's no food room. Yeah, and they police the room

I believe it was through years. What's that like through the it they just police the room so well There's like all these warnings will kick you out my audience is they're hot. It's all brick It's all it's all really it's fucking unbelievable. All right. Here's the fucking deal I do my show. Okay, was it Friday night, and fucking immediately go up. Drunk middle-aged fucking women, two of them, one here, one there, drunk eye over there, every fucking joke I had, they had something to say.

And they weren't heckling, they weren't being fucking assholes, they weren't going fuck you, you stink. They were just like, yeah, that's true. No, that's not, oh, that, ah-ha, did you hear that? Talking to other customers, oh my God, like, I was like, you guys got to shut the, I ignored them for 20 fucking five minutes,

and then she would not be acknowledged by me. She would not fucking do it. And I was like, and I just looked at, I'm not fucking giving you attention, so knock it off. And I was like, just, you know, that's it. And I just ignored her. And after the show, this guy comes up to me and he goes, dude, you're unbelievable.

Thank you so much, but you gotta, you gotta learn to cut the, cut the audience, a little slack, man. And I was like, I go fuck you. No, I don't. He goes, no, no, I go, no, you don't fucking know, dude. I go, when you go to a theater, when you see a show, do you talk, do you turn your phone on?

Do you yell shit to the fucking guy? There's a major difference. Just, and people make this point a lot about theaters. Comedy, we are giving them the, we're putting on this facade, like we are coming up with the shit off the top of our head and we're being conversational and a lot I know you probably do as you probably talk to the crowd in between so it

almost encourages them by it I hear you I get it I get you dude I understand that there is this this back and forth but I didn't I didn't look I didn't do what I usually do I just you know I just said fuck it and I went on but I was like no you're fucking wrong but the guy who said that, Bob knew heart. What? Oh, I think I got to hang on. There we go. Good to see you, old friend.

So anyway, that was a good one because not only was it a bomb, it was confusion. It was like a car accident. It was a new type of bomb. People were going all out. People weren't on fire or running away We're just like walking Dogs look at an amira Wow that might have been the shortest lived band-in ever

So anyway this weekend MMA news guys did you guys watch you'll see a Audience you get the dog looking in the mirror. Yeah, that was brutal. Yes. Let the I like what I see sitting in that seat. I'm in the middle of the middle of the the audience though that Bobby left. That's the most important thing to say right now. And now we left the room. Linda is sitting in a

seat. Now we're just going to talk about 70s porn on music. Bobby got up and left to run to shit. I don't know how we missing that. Yeah, fought it before the room and Bobby leave your shit as pants. Yes, we didn't even tell the audience We she started yelling about her dog I thought he left because of that joke no Bobby that joke I said that final

Jack that it was like we all got confused by your terrible joke. It looked like Don't really if I would be repeating that docks in the mirror Hello, mom was done. I'm getting on the mirror. I'm gonna take over Louis J. Gomez. We'll ask your hosts up You know what did Guys I'm gonna tell you. I'm sorry my voice a little bit shot. I I threaten a cad driver You carry the rest weight around that's why More than someone caught her eyes Bobby's asshole is bleeding

So why did you yell the taxi driver because there was a dog in the mirror Yes, today was going to Yes, you know, yes, you know, I was going to Yesterday I was going up to levity live to open for Pablo Francisco and I left with like two hours notice By the way, that levity live picture that's on Facebook of you looks so staged It's it is staged Fucking funny. Did I post on it that I'm not sure you're comedy? You can't damn shit about being funny. That was the worst. It was hilarious. It's very obvious that I'm like not actually doing comedy over here No, it's not it just looks like you're

I meant to actually write like a thing. I was like I'm not actually doing comedy. I just didn't do that You know what you know that you're not actually doing comedy I'm gonna cut Joe's mic out. I'm gonna cut Joe's mic out. I wouldn't take that from Joe. So let me tell you what happened. I was leaving my apartment 21st and 1st. I wanted to get a taxi to go over to 8th Avenue, take the A train up to the George Washington Bridge. We've done it.

She'll be done it. Shut all across the bridge and my buddy picks me up. That was the idea, right? Done. Walked from 21st and 1st where I live. All the way to 20, Bob, I'm in the middle of the story. Did you make it? Oh you got P.P. pants. P.P. pants?

That was fucking the closest. Oh man. That was close. That's Nutri-Bullet. One more time. That's incredible. God's man. Wow. We we we we. If you have some sort of weird shining ability and knew that Lewis is gonna tell this dumb story so you fake to shit just to come back and interrupt it. I started walking across 23rd Street trying to find a taxi and it took me 25. I'm sorry, go ahead. It took me 25 minutes to get a taxi.

He tried to not pick me up finally when he got into the taxi. He started to pull away. So then I violently screamed at him and I started screaming drive, drive, drive. And then he said no. And then I said, I will punch you in your nose and break it. Okay.

And you had trouble picking up a cab one, Lewis. No, well, he fucking picked me up. he drove into the train. I he would have been shouldn't himself. This one is going to the west coast. I'm not, I'm not fucking fifth. I'm not cut up for New York City. What are you talking about? What do you mean? You're gonna be just more aggressive on the west. This is, this is my problem. This is my problem. This is the argument we had as that he's trying and, and you know this. And I think you know this and

I don't know maybe you know maybe everybody knows us. I'm not I don't know why I do that but I know because we're in the we we've given up alcohol drugs or whatever. Are you trying to stretch your mouth? What was that? Is that an exercise? Why? I don't know. Fun. You got to live a lot of life, fun boards. So for 10 of meeting ice cream. He's moving to LA. He's thinking that people, places and things are going to change his career. And it doesn't change it here.

You can do the same thing here. If you're not fucking on a roll, if LA is not calling you to come there, I wouldn't fucking go. I wouldn't. I wouldn't fucking go. I wouldn't. I wouldn't fucking go because your problems here are just gonna follow you there. Right. You're gonna, it's gonna be exciting for the first couple months. You're gonna meet new people.

You're gonna get in a clubs, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then all of a sudden, you're gonna be right back where the fuck you are now. Fix what is wrong here. Great. And then go there. LA is fine. Sun shine most of the time. If you.

If you. If you're on his laid back. But if you're going there for a better lifestyle, for your baby and your wife and it's cheaper and you like the sun, okay, fuck you, go. I have no qualms with that. If you just wanna live a cheaper life, a better quality of life. That's definitely part of it.

But if you think your career or you, I don't think I'm gonna go to L.A. and fuck and get discovered. That's not why I'm going. Yeah, go with as fucking no Mexicans. No Spanish people at all. I'm going because I want to be reinvigorated. Yeah, yeah, Eric Rivera went there,

got reinvigorated. And he's way better looking to you. He's more neutral than you. Dude, he can, first of all, he got on the tonight show. Okay, Eric's one out. I'm not saying that it doesn't stink, but he's more neutral than you. He can actually do more corporate things than you because of your material.

You did the... You did the whole corporate than me? Nobody's more corporate than you. Dan, you come with khakis. Ah, slap. Palm trees grow and rents the low. But you know I keep thinking about making my way back. Shut up, John.

Yeah, shut up, Joe. I Yeah, you're not you you your act is fucking Dirty. Yeah, it's got a dirty. It's not kind of dirty It's a fucking it's an edgy act and you're not gonna you're not gonna get in everywhere with that out there You're not gonna it's gonna be harder for you to make money in this business with your act And I know that because of my act. Okay. Dan Soda, it's easier for him to make money in this business. Gary Gullman, it's easier for him to make money in this business than it is for

guys like us because of the material. All right. You can take Dan's fucking vanilla horse shit and put it on anywhere. Structure jokes. Structure jokes that mean nothing to him. Listen, I know, Trish, I get it. It's a good joke. Lots of you don't like my accent at the end.

It's a big killer. I think that joke can be more. You will. You will have to have the house of comedy. Since you have five bad minutes on a headlining set, you're pulling out that fucking Russian accent. I can case of emergency. Yeah, make sure you guys,

if you're in Minneapolis, go see Dan at the House of Comedy. Yeah, very funny. Yeah, June. 26. And back to that, the club is, the club's great, but I would, that Acme Club sounds fucking amazing. It is. Sounds amazing.

I mean, the fact that they have no food and police the room, it's all about comedy is. And Lewis Lee was the best comedy on it. He calls, he refers to comedians as artists. He's's like I want the artist to do this who is this guy? Lewis Lee's been the business forever. He's a great guy. Is he is Asian Asian? Yeah, yeah great guy Best Lewis in the game. Yeah, so it's the best club one of what's the second best would you say? Oh one of the top three top three clubs. I think DC improv is pretty unbelievable. Yeah, they won't use me Oh, why they will not

ever use me. They don't fucking, you know, no, but you know, I mean, I said that about hilarities too, and I love that guy. He's a Nick is a great guy, and it was one of the nicest clubs I've worked. I fucking love that club. So yeah, I don't know, but that's fine. I mean, that's cool. So Louis, are you still gonna go? Yeah, when are you moving out there? August 1st? Hopefully tomorrow. What? Really? Yeah, oh wow. You're gone. August 1st. You heard nothing I said the other day. No, I heard it all and I took it off to get some rest.

Oh, August, nice. I heard everything you said and I appreciate everything you said. I'm not done staring at Joe's face. Can I take this off now? I'm pretty good. No, you did that now now keep it on Antisemite pieces shit The diamond is one of the great great rock stars in history John's better than Neil diamond you should be throwing the

Tom Jones on what's the new pussy cat? Okay, that's a question. That's not a song. Uh-huh. How do you feel now? No, no, I want I was rooting for her I listen. I just don't think I don't think moving to LA is the fucking Is the best thing for you dude? It may not be the best thing But dude like I said this was I sit the bob in the phone I was like it fucking if the rain being motivates you and you go hey dude. I just want to be in the rain anymore You know I get it you can deal with the rain you should be able to just deal with the rain and but that the New York is Depressing me right now. I'm angry. Why wait for subways. I fucking I don't like

Yeah, you know what I don't like Yeah, exactly, you know what? I actually I don't mind driving a traffic I don't mind it. I'm you know, I'm in control guys I can't wait to you turn this CNN that's gonna be those are helicopter fucking chases And it's gonna be this douchebag in a z28 with teetops fucking scream Yeah, fuck it everybody let my son know I fought for the right things My real ass dude, How am I first? You know who I am damn it AC that was a great reference

Yeah, for me it was a sign-failed reference And I love my friend and there it goes you broke you couldn't make it good for you kid Those brownies the best You have to chew it up like a bird. He's been in a Joe's baby. Oh boy. Oh boy. Actually, old well.

There's no nuts in there. Many brownies. Are you allergic to nuts? Please let you fucking. I love you. I'm mouth to swell up. Looks like a regular mouth finally Small bite. I just don't I don't think I went to LA I did the same thing I wonder coming back Eric Rivera did it Pete Correlli did it a lot of guys went to LA

And and and came back Nick Topolo did it a lot of people did it and a lot of people go on this day and they're successful. Oh a lot of people did it and a lot of people go and they stay and they're successful. Oh, Nate Berghatsy, Bill Berghatsy's successful. Bill Bergh, I will give you Bill Bergh, but Bill, Bill Bergh, Bill Bergh, it was Bill Bergh, as Bill Bergh,

like, I thought you had a Bill blew up on it was out there. Bill was, he was established, you had an act. He was making six figures here. How do you know that? He's a guy. My old friend Bill, 15 years ago on this guy, I don't know Bill at all, but how do you know that? My old friend Bill 15 years ago. I don't know Bill at all, but how do you know how would Bill was making in New York versus L.A.

Go fuck yourself little mouth. For the little mouth of things he does not know. He speaks of their red haired warrior who moved to the coast of Sunchre. Not knowing how much maze he actually brought into the trial. For as the little man, he's to chocolate from the world. He keeps chewing little mouth. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha know how much he makes how much he made before you can't you can't fucking look at somebody's schedule in their TV and see where they're at and try to get a good idea of what they're making. He was looking bill went out there he was on the shipel show he was touring he did that that didn't pay well.

No he did well look man those tours paid well I did one two I did the tour guys of thing but that that should died out quick too don't forget the touring happened uh roger was on the tour didn't sell we were on a tour didn't sell these tours did not do great uh... at the time everybody thought they were gonna fucking you know being these amazing tours and they weren't you know i point is that i mean we can all be in agreement that bill was doing pretty good with the bill was doing better than you at any point in your career going back to the main point is you're arguing that Bill Burr is one of the people that went to LA and got bit and the guy was fucking

Well, there's a lot of people that start in LA and they establish themselves and have a good time. Billy went to LA and move back Don't get me wrong. Billy move. I want you to move to LA Pyming we don't want you to not do this in August I mean, I'm not gonna lie. I'll rent the U-hole. Yeah, listen, we really want you to go. Don't change your mind, but we're just saying it's the... Hung move.

But here's the guy's stored in LA and they establish themselves and they get good. That happens. There's a lot of comedy out in LA. I already have an act. Well, I already have an act. I'm going out there. Yeah, Danny, what did you go say?

What the fuck? We need to stop. Kelly, Kelly, I will listen. This is a new thing I'm doing. This is a new, this is, this is beyond bandana. Shut up. This is beyond bandana. Kelly step up beyond the curtain for one minute.

Get out. Go. Take it. Headphones off. Exile. Take it. Hold on. Exile. Exile. Exile. Be out. Look at.

Woo. That was terrific. Because I was making this a quick joke. One. Shut up and get out. You're exiled. Don't defend yourself. Oh my god.

That was just a cowboy radio. What the fuck was that? Does anyone else feel a little violent? Oh my god. That fucking hurt. But I was like an MTV TRL live shit. Oh! Oh, I'm bad!

I'm bad! I'm bad! I'm bad! I'm bad! I'm bad! I'm bad! I'm bad! I'm bad!

I'm bad! I'm bad! I'm bad! I'm bad! I'm bad, buck, buck! I thought it was a burst of squawk and shit. That didn't even arrive by making sense because I almost took her key back to the studio. Buck, buck, buck! Oh no, buck! But am I not in a better position, Bob,

than people that just started L.A. Going to L.A. and already knowing how to do comedy? Look, here's a deal. What I'm saying is that you should, whatever you're going through here, we all go through it, except for Dan, that we all have the ups and downs except for Dan. We all have good times and bad times except for Dan.

Dan had some downs. I watched him answer phones and they go straight to his weighting job. Yeah, but that would know he had down. You know, you have down. He's down syndrome, yeah. And that's not a bright guy. He really doesn't have down syndrome forehead Used to do Sarah Palin's kid when we were stoned

Did you did you do the lips? Oh my god, I did the lips. Listen to me Did you do the lips? Oh my god. I did the lips. Listen to me. Listen to me. Don't ever. Don't ever do. Oh my god. I think you made my eye pop. I think you fucked up my surgery. By the way, can we get to the real source of this LA move thing? Yeah, I know the real source.

I can really get into it. Go ahead. I'm a psychological guy. Yeah. What's happening right now? Nate Bargatsy doesn't like his wife and he's recruiting. He's convinced Lewis. Nate's like, yeah, man, yeah, man, I can get you some gigs here. Oh, man, you just come out of your nose, but up for me, you're gonna love it. I love it. That's not true. So new. We're supposed to go together actually until my girl got pregnant.

We're gonna do a tour across the fucking country. Let's not get carried away. That's not called the tour. What's called? What's called? Let's call him. Let's not get carried away. That's not called the tour What's called? The M's coming up. Yeah, that's called fucking going into comedy clubs saying hello Hey, how you doing? Huh take it easy. Oh, no, we weren't gonna do comedy. We're gonna get a bus Listen check out all the big this and those what you're what I'm saying is you're gonna go out there what you should do here is try to Fix whatever the fuck is wrong with you here.

I have been trying to fix that. I really have. Get into it. You should get your depressed because you're fat. Okay. But I'm getting back into it. Okay, fine. You depressed your fat.

I'm on the year 20th. I'm in LA. No, I hear. Okay. Your birthday is April something, right? Alright. Shut the fuck up. Listen, what I'm saying to you is that you should go,

take the act in class, work on your act, try to get in an A comedy club, try to do something else, do hosting, whatever. Do you say an A comedy club or an A comedy club? A comedy club and fucking stop being the fall real ass dude. And you know, look, I remember Ben Bailey used to host, Russ Manivue used to host, Tom Poppi used to host at the Boston, all these guys that are fucking hugely

successful now, they became better comics, they worked their ass off, they focused on their standup and not, you're so spread out on all this shit. This is where we disagree. I mean, see how he cuts me off. I'm not even finished with the fucking point. This is why I kept yelling at him the other day because you're not even finished with the point

and he will fucking find a way out of your point. You're a point sucks. I was just gonna do that. No, that's it. You don't, you will not listen to anybody. I don't fucking do this. You don't listen to anybody because you cut people off with your own fucking excuse.

You're literally saying like, I just host. I don't just host. I do comedy every night. Tonight I'm doing a spot. I'm not hosting. I'm working. I'm not what I'm saying. I'm writing new jokes.

I'm going out and I'm playing the game. And I am in a few comedy clubs. I'm just, I'm having a tough time in New York. It's difficult when you watch people that you believe that you're more talented than come up and just get way more shit. Listen, I have worked my ass off of that stuff. Listen, here's the deal though, is that you, that's your problem too, is it you comparing?

You can't see what he does, do you understand what he does? This is what I went through the other day. This is what he does. He's a fucking idiot. This is why, no, this is why he will continue to be fucking stupid and and not get shit accomplished Because he doesn't absorb he just deflects and yaps over people He's absorbing something that's why I was fucking anger with him the other day He will fucking just cut you off. I feel bad for that little kid

That's what I feel bad for because his father has great potential and he'll never reach it because he doesn't shut up and listen to Bob Kelly Oh good save Feel bad for your son possibly the harshest thing you can say Because you have potential Kicks a in a beauty I was like, kick save in a beauty. I was like, any move.

I was like, I was like, leave again. Moe reference. However, me all say it if this is a case. Listen. So why don't you listen, Lewis? So watch it, listen, listen. Oh, you're saying,

D is fun time, fun time. No, Lewis, why don't you listen? Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Y'all! Buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck I Go wall sing but till now

Kelly Go, Waltz, ain't my till no! Alright, come on, shut up. Hey, Kelly, go ahead. Anyway, I just referenced Neil Diamond, the Beastie Boys, and the Australian National Anthem, in a matter of one minute. Kelly is the first one to get exiled off of the show. It's beyond the band-inner. It's the name of the document. Bobby, after the show, can we talk about the length of the exiles? Hey, be a lot longer. I'm thinking a month.

Kelly, what were you saying? Go ahead. the length of the exiles. It may be a lot longer. Thinking a month. Shlit. Kelly. What were you saying? Go ahead. Go ahead. I just want to know why Louis doesn't listen. What you listen? Yeah, why?

I don't know, because my mom needs to beat me and my dad died when I was four and have any family structure. No, seriously. Why don't you listen? That's why. Is that really why you don't listen? Maybe he doesn't do well in schools.

Yeah, but when somebody tells you that you're not listening don't you go? Oh shit I'm not don't you understand that no I do listen though Yeah, but you don't you you have an excuse the other day when we were talking you and if you didn't hear it Fucking rewind what just happened That's all you did is I would try to tell you something and in the right in the middle You would find a point and you would just go off on excuse of why what I'm saying had no relevance in your life which is

absolutely wrong. I'm I've done what you do. I've been where you're at. We're the same guy in a lot of respects okay and I'm trying to say that maybe you don't have to move to L.A. to fix your unhappiness. I don't have to get L.A. I don't want to. Forget it. Move to L.A. I'll see you when you come back.

I think you just, you have to see. I'll see you, I'll see you in a couple of years. You know, I'll see you in a couple of years. I'll see you fucking a polo tropical behind the cow of counter fucking buttering up some chicken. Fucking asshole dummy Go to LA LA is gonna fit people placing things like move LA and it'll be a better life. No, it's not

No, it's not you're gonna be fucking miserable out there too bad your apartment 1300 bucks pool. Well, that's why you moving out there then fine. Okay fine I said the big first of all you don't get the pool. It's a fucking AIDS pool that everybody shares But I have soda in the AIDS pool just to get a lot of fans likes So does fucking a nice a great joke right there, but I'm just saying I'm just gonna let's go hot August I'd send you here yourself sweat Don't like Neil Diamond. You're gonna do with Barf these two douchebags, hey, me? One of the great Jews of all time.

Lewis, played, don't leave. I can't. Top five. Top five Jews. Can you imagine fucking how much Joe would bat his eyes with fucking sweat rolling down his headway? With the sun in his eyes? Yeah.

Someone asked Joe to do Rung and Canyon halfway up. He'd be like like a fuck this. I'm going to go back to Boston. I love LA Why'd you do a Norton voice? That's Joe's voice So I like a lay a lot get off your phones. I love it. It was ringing I give it fuck I ended the phone gonna. I knew Don't push it Shut up, shut up, all right, all right, I'm police. No, they're not police They're literally making it shut up. All right, they're making it so you'll never do that stupid thing again Do you know if they don't fucking bury you right now about this, you'll do that again.

Stuff happens. Yeah, sometimes stuff happens. Right, so you'll stay behind. It sounds like you just got caught cheating on your husband. Yeah. Sometimes stuff happens. I just keep a point of love. You never forget anything.

I hope this is the way. I hope. Oh, shit. Do you have any desire to move to LA? None. What about you, Joe? I would never move there I love it. Why why would you never move there? I like New York City more than I care about my career I like being four hours for my family. I love good Boston. I love New England

I love New York City. I like doing three or four sets a night. Yeah What about you? Why would why do you say that LA is better for you Lewis? It's just a motivation thing. I need to I feel like I need to change it up so I can really feel reinvigorated. I feel like me coming into LA being a new comic, just a new face on the scene, being able to do what I do on stage, you know, just getting to stand at your building momentum here that you're actually, you don't see it, you don't see it right now. Joe's fucking with you. You don't see it now, but you're building momentum. You cannot compare yourself ever to other comedians

in their time frame of success, okay? Or their success. You have to really just bury your head in your own career. And you have to worry about what the fuck you're doing. You are building momentum in the last couple of years. You went from a shirtless Puerto Rican going to jail on my street to a guy who has a very successful podcast on the network, on a great network.

You have a lot of fans. People respect you in the business. You have a lot of friends in the business now. And people know that you're funny. You actually, nobody really knew that you were that funny until the actual riot cast show. And everybody was like, Lewis, they didn't do it. I'm just telling you the facts.

Who are you talking about? I'm talking about Rob, me, Dan, Dan. That's a Rob saw me in the plane. Caroline's like fucking killed. He knew it. Dude, there was another thing that you did that night that was just better. Okay, you see, just shut up and understand.

And Daniel was funny before that. Listen, this is what? All right, you see, just shut up and understand this. And they know I was funny before. Listen, this is what you do. This is what you do. This is your fucking problem. Is that you will never, ever listen. You always have an excuse of why you're funny. I'm saying you're funny. I'm saying that, but I'm saying that people

actually saw you in a different light, and were like, Lewis killed it. Lewis is really funny. That carries over to other conversations to people that you never will know here about it and will give you an opportunity months down the road that you will capitalize on. And all of a sudden you're in a different position here in New York. Okay? That you would have never got to if you're in LA. You're right. You're going to LA and you're starting from scratch

Here you're just in the law like all of us get into Norton me Quinn We all get a little bit bigger ourselves closer together and I'm telling you I've never I've never before except for this past year said I want to quit comedy And I've said like three times this year where I was this fucking close just going I just don't want to fucking do it anymore. I said I want to quit comedy. And I've said like three times this year. Where I was this fucking close, just going, I just don't want to fucking do it anymore. I don't want to deal with it anymore. What do you want to do? I don't know.

I don't know. I want to do comedy. That's why I'm going to LA. I want to be honest. I don't think comics have those thoughts. You don't think comics ever go, hey, I'm doubting myself. Not, I don't.

I don't. I don't agree with you. I don't. I don't. I don't want to doubt it themselves and been close to quitting't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't.

I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't.

I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't.

I don't. I don't. I don't. I don. That is all garbage. I was you aren't doing the fucking work. I feel like I work harder than every one of my friends that are coming. No, you don't me. No, you don't. one of my friends that are coming. No, you don't. Me? No, you don't. I mean, I've been, Dan, hold on, over the years, you told me, dude, am I not a hard worker?

I'm a very hard worker. I'm a very hard worker.'s not as naturally funny as a Burr or Patrice Patrice never had a notebook never needed one, right? Maybe he has to compensate by working that much harder by having one. All right. I see Louis fucking recorder listening Okay, fucking Colin Quinn rock always has that we we so you know you're not working hard enough So maybe I'm not working hard enough. You're not but I'm a hard worker You can't fucking I don't know what that means you're a hustler you I'm a hustler

But you're not a fucking hard worker. You're not you're not recording every set You're not listening to your sets every night going going over your jokes, coming up with making shit better, you're going up and fucking accolade in it. You're going up and doing your set and killing, trying to kill. Killing doesn't cut it anymore, my friend. Killing, cut it back in the day to get into the place to get recognized. Well, the stage you career you're at now is where you have to actually evolve into a better comedian. And the only reason why I know that is, because I'm at that stage too, we all get to that stage where you have to go

to the next level. I'm not the same guy I was four years ago. I'm not, four years ago I was the same guy I was five years ago. You can see the progression in my jokes, you can see it in my act, and I'm not where I wanna be now. I need to be better a year from now.

You're not fucking, you're not there. And you think LA and the sun is gonna cure that? You're gonna be wherever you go, there you are. That's what I'm saying to you. And it just me, hey! Whoa, hey! What is it? What is it? I referenced it in the book.

What's that? I referenced it in the joke. But hey, what I will say, I wanted to say this a while ago. It is the two hardest things I find in comedy, are they get a good tape that you like? And then not compare it to, that's really funny. And not comparing yourself to other.

Comparing yourself to other. That's the hardest thing in comedy is to not be able to do it. And you can't, and then once you figure that out, which took me 12 years, yeah, that's when, that's the most liberating, that's when things turn a corner. You stop worrying about what everyone else is doing. It takes a long time. I used to really fear other like being on the road because of the MCs in the middle

And they were such shit You know, it would just be such shit in front of you or they would kill with shit You know what I mean? Well, they'd be actually really good and I used to be like oh fuck me And then I realized it doesn't matter because I don't have a bee plan. I have no options anymore. I used to have options when I would, you know, is this old people, I'll be clean

or I'll fucking do the bells and whistles. I have this I'm trying to say, I'm trying to make this hour better every time I go on stage. I'm trying to evolve as a comic and be more as comfortable as I can so that my voice can actually fucking come out someday and I can talk about anything and not not comparing myself to the they have no effect on the show at all. For me they don't. Whatever they do it doesn't matter.

Go up and kill, bomb, shit jokes, what doesn't matter. You can do the same jokes I do. I'm still gonna be better. It's just difficult, like, it's really difficult when you don't really have... Why would you put that in front of me where I can't read it? Where you don't even say it. You don't have any like validation, which that's where I'm at. I don't have any validation.

You're on the show. Thank you, Kelly. Yeah, but this is different. It's podcasting. It's a little different. The show. I, uh, I, I, I made you like two years ago. Right. I think that you have more traction now in your acts than you ever have. I've been watching you when I first met you and now I'm like, fuck, I love Lewis. I don't respect your opinion. Kelly, I listen to you at the start again, man. And starting it. I started again. It's not sorry Kelly first of all you have to

It's not starting again, just trying to help you She's trying to help you and you're really just fucking I have my first 45 now I didn't have that when I started I had nothing when I started okay, thank you, Kater. We're 45 I got 20 I got 20 I called I give you 30 I get 17 good I mean, I you know You know even Dan having a good for you. I'm gonna solid 26. Are you doing an hour? I do a solid hour. What are you doing? 50 you're doing 50 minutes? Yeah, I was gonna wrote my first 45 my saying it's great. I'm just saying we these call me the first time when that that

Middle-air goes up in front of you and we when you like fucking This motherfucker already happened in Providence what happened? I was the guy that middle air goes up in front of you. And when you like fucking this motherfucker. They already happened in Providence. What happened? This guy was the guy, he murdered. He was it. It's getting Ryan. Ryan what?

I don't know. And what happened? Could never speak as many dead. That was the most honest thing I've ever seen in kind of life. We're gonna call him Voldemort. What happened? Hey, he was a nice guy. I didn't really want to trash him

because he was a nice guy. Yeah, it really wanna trash him because he was a nice guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he doesn't have to trash him. His act was planned. Right, and he killed it. Poor shit. Murdered. Murdered. Walked up, I walked up down there like,

who the fuck is this guy? Really? Yeah, but you killed it, right? No. No. No, I did not. I did not. I know we play it up like everything's going great for me,

but like, yeah, the past year has been unbelievable But I was in New York for six years doing whatever I could every night I'm at Danny was doing checks every single night every two and a half years. I did check spots every night at standup New York But the fans if you don't watch that up Lewis let him talk They're not a fucking then novice is the comedy. Yeah, but I mean Fucking interruption people he cuts people off I wouldn't glad you go into fucking LA Go ahead. I do great. I went and took out. I went and took as many beatings as I could What you have to leave oh shit all right, why I gotta go in 10 minutes? What time is this?

We're wrapping the gotta go in 10 minutes. What time is this? We're wrapping the show up in 10 minutes. Oh, it's really just right. All right, buddy. Lewis, listen, buddy, I love you. I love you. You know that. I hope you, whatever you do, I'll support you.

And your son and your family, I really do. I send you out there with as much positivity as I can. I would just, you're doing it. So fuck it. Do it and balls out and fucking own that place and kill it. But I just, you know, I know that you can, the things that you talk about, I think you can, you have good shit happening here. You just don't see it yet. And sometimes you have to wait it out and all the sudden stuff stop happening and then you're like, oh god, okay, great, thank you. Your rewards are coming. But look, go to fucking LA and I wish you nothing but the best of anything. I can do out there. I'll help you. You know, because I think you're funny, dude, you're, I wouldn't have you on my show if I didn't

think you were fucking hilarious. Thanks, Bob. You're not a talent, but you're funny. Right? Am I right, Joe? I think Deloitte is talented. Thanks, Joe. Wow a talent, but you're funny Right, am I right Joe? I think Lewis is talented Thanks Joe, all right. Well fucking way to get real you get real You've been quippin fucking for two hours and you can't just go with me on that one Lewis is a great well. Well, what Joe? He's frightened and human being What am I Frightening human being terrified. What am I?

Agable teddy bear am I Am I is Lewis more threatening than me? Fuck yeah, he's the medicin Why are you standing up cuz Lewis is gonna have to go behind me and I gotta leave soon So I need to have to leave his off. All right. Let's wrap this up. Are we wrapping? Yeah, we're wrapping We're not stagging up much like my Jobos one of the time. All right, well guys, this is a crazy fucking show. As usual with Dan and fucking Joe and Lewis and Kelly. Yeah. What are you guys doing?

Are you gonna say goodbye? Stop moving up. I'm not gonna have this moving around when, you're either gonna stay for the ending which will wrap it up or you leave and then I end it. I'm not having this this moving around when I'm fine you're either gonna stay for the ending Which were wrapping up or you leave and then I ended I'm not having this fucking meandering noise in the background you two fucking Dino it's wrapping mailed me andering Did you throw it out some really bogus word Good, I'm damn it. I really stink the only brothers. I think he was trying to say me and

Good. Ah, damn it. I really stink the only brothers. I think he was trying to say Neanderthal You're true look at the press lips I'm gonna say I thought you took your pants off for a second Look at the press lips. I thought you took your pants off. I really would like to fuck it. I to joining us every one of them would have murdered anyway. I think you start the next podcast Lewis good luck in LA Thanks, but you'll be on it for then I'll be home. I'm gonna press lips. I want to meet your baby What are we bringing baby next time to the podcast? Yeah, I said it to him early I was like I was hoping you bring James. I'd love to see the baby Yeah, I mean as long as nice weather like this be overing out. Okay, well, I didn't want to bring him to a fucking hell storm.

Yeah. That's a judgment call. That's a judgment call as a parent. If it's fucking lightning out, you can stay home with the kid, but if it's nice out, come out. He's got a larger mouth than Joe. What you, I just said that joke. Yeah, you said it would never want to talk.

Now I'm going to talk to him. I talked to him. Go ahead, Lewis. What do you got? Guys, follow me. By the way, after we had that little heart fell to follow me on Twitter thing last time, I got like another 50, 60 followers. Well, let's get you a few thousand, man.

Let's give you a few thousand. Follow me on Twitter. And Lewis J Gomez. Lots of anti-Semitic tweets. It's really a good, there's no anti-Semitic tweets. Yeah, follow me on Twitter. And check it out by the podcast, Amber. What's the Twitter name?

And who is Jay Gomez? Say it. Who are they supposed to guess it? It's Luis. Luis Jay. Yeah, and what do you got? Let me know. I'm gonna go this way Kelly. What do you got? I've got my Show Oh, what's it? Belly is on the 20th Oh, do you think just fucking just add that in the fucking show?

Give a button that's just out of the ballet. I'm gonna ballet. The little things that must leave. And follow me on Twitter at KL. You get stuff up your sleeves, it's like a... Yeah, slightly arms. Oh, shit. We both fucking threw in them.

That just says it's a bad joke. Two comics, same punchline. Boom. All right. Linda, Linda, what do you got? Nothing. Besides being absolutely beautiful. Hot titties.

You really do. I called you Reggie Watts when you walked in Fox Brown listen, I'll see you later low Joe. What do you got in New York 32? Look at my website just look at it. Yeah, look at it. I got dates and some Vids Zidios on it. Okay Jolus really isn't Lewis is just an animal. He really is 1992 MTV best visit. Oh What do you got? Dan Soda dance order calm Comedy Central half hour May 3rd Night it's gonna be on comedy. I'm glad that you actually stuck up for yourself about the

Paying you do and working your ass off. Well, I mean, it's fun. We've like I'm only known you Sense stuff spend going well, right? Like because Rosa, but I mean there's five years there where I was eating shit. Yeah every night. It's good But good dude. Well, let people know that because nobody knows that yeah, everyone thinks I like Michael Chaitet that is walked into college. Well, don't throw this poor kid over my good friends. I'll throw him right on He doesn't really like you. Oh, okay, we've talked. Well, he's gonna be super famous, but I mean I paid my dues So I'm fine with you know, I barked I fucking did jack spots I did open my now you're fucking headlining. Yeah, you kick an ass. So go see you where I'm gonna be at revel in Atlantic City

April 18th It's like a casino show, right? Okay. Yeah And then dance dance order.com I'll be in a man with a Sacramento punchline in May. So we can a man and then I'll be a man be in Minnesota and June. Also, I'll be a go see everybody saw me in Minnesota. A lot of YKW defense came to the shows. Make sure you see soda.

Go see him on the Thursday night or the Sunday night or the late shows. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Go see me then. see him on the Thursday night or the Sunday night or the late shows Yeah, pack the place out. He's a fucking hilarious guy for 32 minutes. Then it's just Gas and out and grab it on for dear life. No, he's fucking hilarious a lot of a lot of how you're doing Where you from? No? No? No? No? Yeah, and get drunk after the show can you do that? Get a little buzz before the show Don't show up fucking trashed on heroin. I had a fan of the show. I looked out at one point of the show. I think it was on Friday night.

No, it was actually Saturday night first show, or Friday night first show. I look out, the girl is literally sleeping. I looked to my left as an old lady about to throw up. Looks like she's on heroin. She's so drunk oh good okay the two girls in the front of fucked up this girl she did fucking what's that brain drug dh something whatever the fuck it is no matter what that fucking drug

rogue and talks about every once in a while yeah they said that's the drug that's released right before you die yeah well she she after the show, I went outside. She's like, I was, I did do, I'm sorry, I didn't see the, I'm a huge fan. I love you and Jimmy and Joe and I got Billy to sign the book. And she had the book. She's like, you see the sweetest girl ever. But she, I go, where are you the one sleeping? She goes, yeah, I passed out. I didn't see any of your show, but I'm a big fan. So do this, do us a favor. Do your fucking mind-altering drugs after the show. Or when you're at home watching a movie. You guys are the best.

Make sure you support all of us, go to our shows, and come up to us after the show. Let us know that you're a fan of the podcast. Spread the word, follow us on Twitter, follow Nate Pergazzi on Twitter, and you guys are the best thanks for So we need an army and I think we're getting one. Yeah, tell somebody tell somebody I want to thank some of the fans first of all

Kelly yes, some of these beautiful fucking fans sent me uh sent me some Some cards for congratulating you. No, no, no, they sent me baby gifts. Did they? They sent me baby gifts. Oh, that's beautiful. They went on Amazon, which is, and they searched my registry, which is Robert Kelly, baby registry, whatever. Do you have a registry on Amazon? I have a registry on Amazon.

Oh, it's so sweet. And they went and bought me shit, which I really appreciate. That was very sweet of you to do. So let me read one of those. Give me that one. That one? Okay. What is that?

Candra? Oh, that's, oh, no, that's, that's Pillsquire. Pillsquire and his wife, really, I guess me and her fought the first time I met her, we got in a big argument. But she's actually a sweetheart. Pillsquire is a comic from Cleveland. It was a been a friend of mine.

And a very funny guy. And his wife and him sent me a present. Gave me a present, really a little onesy. And then that one. This is from Mike and Maureen Swann. So one, I think they must have sent you some red socks. Remember me? Yeah, they sent me all Boston team stuff.

Fack on red socks. You're back there. Thank you for that. I appreciate that. What's the last name? Mike and Maureen Swain? Swain, yes. Swain, you guys thank you so much for doing that.

I really appreciate it. You guys want to send baby stuff, 6, 7, 6 A or anything, anybody to the podcast. I'm going to send presents, gifts, 7, 6A, or anything, anybody to the podcast? You want to send presents, gifts, notes, whatever. 6, 7, 6A, 9th Ave, number 424, New York, New York, 1.036, or you can email at ykwd at ricast.com. Or you can just go to Amazon, look at my baby registry, is that what they call it? I think that's what they call it, right?

And all that stuff is up there. we really appreciate that I want to thank Joseph Zach go Zeck What a name had the graves of course a Zabu Putheneveti till wow what a name For donating you guys are great. Thank you for donating to the podcast each month You guys help out all the stuff. This whole studio is due to you guys, so really appreciate that. And thanks to everyone who sent in entries to the competition that we've been running for a few months.

It's been some awesome months this week. Fucking hell. Yeah, we got some song and... We're gonna figure that out next week. We're gonna figure out who won. We got two prize packages. The Yeti Mike one and the... Fresh light. Fresh light, you get to fuck something or record something. And they come with a bunch of other stuff. So we're going to figure that out this week.

We love them. The ones you guys sent in were hilarious. So that's it, I think. That's all of the thank yous. Thank you. So if you made it this far out of the podcast, God bless you. God bless America. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. I don't know after that. I'm an immigrant.

I don't know how a crazy after that. Mm. God, I want to kill myself. Oh, thank you. Yes. Hey, make sure you support our sponsors. That's right, you son of a bitches. We have sponsors, kid. Make sure you go to ryecast.com slash Robert Kelly.

Go to the website and buy all your goods, your needs, your tech stuff, whatever the fuck it is off of amazon.com but use our link. Because every time you use our link, whatever it is, just we make money. You support the show. For nothing, stuff you're going to get anyways. So make sure you do that. Go to our page, I'm going to write a cast, and use our link, and go to GameFlight.com slash YKWD, get a two week free subscription to GameFlight, the Netflix of video games.

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a sponsor of the network, great headphones, 33% off. Go to tweakedaudio.com right now. Use the code word, dude, dude, and you get 33% off already cheap headphones. When I say cheap, I don't mean quality. The quality is great. I have a pair. And you know me. I'm a tech guy. I have three pairs. They're great gifts for people. You know you lose these headphones all the time. Leave them on a car or train. Bus. No hotel room. At work. Get a few pairs. Buy them for your girl. Buy

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You know what I did? I'm in the sparks, I'm in the sparks You know what I did? Really did, really, really, really You know what I did? Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face.

Don't stop.