Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Regz Originz #01 w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

On the first Regz Originz, we look at Bobby Kelly's son's first birthday party and who had the best gift, a taste of Kelly, how Joe and Dan didn't like Max or James, if Joe was cheap with Chipotle, if Luis is smarter than them, Joe claiming to be friends with Patrice, the almost walk off and MORE! LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/  / robertkellylive   Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/  / gomezcomedy    / luisjgomez   Joe List   / joelistcomedy    / joelistcomedy   Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/  / dansoder   Thanks to @johng.wav on Instagram for the new intro music. 00:00 - Who Gave the Best Gift to Bobby's Son (EP 25) 20:00 - A Taste of Kelly Fastuca 25:33 - Luis Wants to Do Warm Up For Bobby (EP 21) 30:54 - Joe List vs Max 32:06 - Dan Soder vs James 33:28 - Court Case: List vs Gomez 43:43 - Who is Smarter? (EP 14) 44:39 - Joe List "Knows" Patrice O'Neal 47:47 - Joe List Does Arenas (Mark the Robot) 51:59 - Minerals 54:13 - The Almost Walk Out (EP 169) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Joe really when it comes to jokes he's like an old Jewish mother. Why did you laugh at that? You understand he's so disconnected. That's the point. Is that it's like this emotional moment from me and my family. I have a kid. It was singing happy birthday to little Maximus and then this fucking loser of jokes, this fucking encyclopedia, this fucking alls he's got is funny. He's got no connection to humanity humanity whips out a fucking joke and

ruins the video the video is me going shut the fuck up that's great I didn't have to I said it just loud enough for the comics to hear what was the quip again I can't remember it was also Amy Schumer's birthday she left he came out with a big luxurious cake layered with things and everyone's dancing. Hey, but they go. Oh, no, no, no, she left Bobby One she's very successful By the way, that was Max's birthday if was that great joke, so here's I got a gift. Hey, you got a great gift Who let him the best gift? None of you know out of the room. You know what we met you dickface not as grandparents wasn't you?

It was you had a great gift Good but you fucking sullied it with your dick joke card. Yeah Because this all he goes literally he goes we're not opening any gifts at all. This is who I'm dealing with right now. I've been cooking all morning. I thought Don cooked. I'm cooking the steak tips. I'm Bob.

You just watched. You're cooking every bit of food. Play it back. We can play it back if you want. Me and Don cooked everything. Don made everything. I'm cooking. So cut another feeling you had for Don cooking everything?

Cut that in half right away. So I am I'm cooking this. I'm cooking like the sausages, the steak tips, the hamburgers. I made every hamburger by hand. I didn't buy pre-packaged anything. Queuing up the ACDC playlist. I'm fucking I'm fucking going. So I'm putting all the food on the table so everybody can line up like a buffet. He made the table himself. Joe, so everybody can line up like a buffet. He made the table himself. Joe, Joe, he, this guy, Luis Gomez, comes up, grabs, tries to grab a hamburger as I'm going, I'm like. Jim Norton had a burger in his mouth already.

Yeah, cause he saw you, you started the trend, you're like fucking jackals. I watched you give Jim Norton a burger and that's when I was like, oh but it's. He has way more credits than you. I didn't realize, I didn't realize that the people with more credits could eat the burgers first. I didn't realize that was the way it is.

What day was it? Lewis might have had a credit at this time. It was Sunday. He lost a credit. Okay, anyways. I'm literally in the middle of saying goodbye to a guest. I mean, he walks up. I'm in the- By the way, I watched the whole thing. I'm in the middle of going, hey, thank you for coming. Thank you so much. And he goes, Bobby, Bobby. I go, what? I stopped my conversation with Gary Goldman to watch this. I was like, you tell it. You tell it.

Gary, Gary, hold on. And Bobby's like, thank you so much. Someone's leaving. He's like, thanks for coming by, Mac. Louis goes, Bobby, Bobby, you don't have to open the gift. You don't have to open the gift real quick, but you got to read my card. You got, dude, it's funny. Read this card. Bobby's like, seriously, thanks for coming by. You don't have to open the gift real quick, but you gotta read my card. You gotta, dude, it's funny. Read this card. And Bobby's like, Bobby's like, seriously dude, thanks for coming by, you know, Max really appreciates it, thanks.

Bobby, read the card. You know when, dude, this is my favorite part of watching this whole thing, because I got to enjoy it, just savor it, was Louis was so excited about the card that on the train ride up, he's like, no, I got Bobby this card, and he tried to explain it to me, and I was like, I don about the card that on the train ride up, he's like, no, I got Bobby this card. And he tried to explain it to me and I was like, I don't know what that means.

He's like, I don't even know if the person who wrote the card knows English because it says this and then it's like this. And it's crazy because it's like a naked little girl. But it says this. And I'm like, yeah, all right. All right, Lewis. Meanwhile, the fucking Zing Factory list is just spitting them out. If the fact I'm like, I just spitting them out at the fact.

I'm like, I'm gonna get back over here laughing. So I watched Lewis and Bobby open the card and Bobby does the thing where he reads it. And I was always, I also was half watching because I expect Bobby to be one of those people who mouths the words as he reads. Oh, that was unnecessary. That was a good zing.

And you just need to- Well, it's sensitive. So Bobby reads the cards. I called you dumb in the middle of the story. He didn't call me, you just did. Yeah, you just inferred that I meant dumb. Bobby reads the card and just kind of does... You're not smart enough to know that he just called you dumb. He also doesn't know what inferred means. Joe's running DVD commentary of this story. Sorry. But this is the problem though. He did it to me twice. I'm outside and I'm saying goodbye to my mother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, who drove... Your, who drove, she drove three and a half hours up there.

Loves me. That day, and is driving back, I'm saying, Ma, thank you so much. She's telling me how much she loves me. Bobby, Bobby, can you check the change schedules for me? He wants me to go, not only do I have to fucking buy the food, I have to have my wife prepare it, I cook it, I set the whole backyard up, and I have to make sure, get him his train schedules. Bobby is a liar.

Here's the best part of watching him interrupt you was watching you read the card and not laugh and lose explaining it like, no, cause it's like a little girl. That's like his act. But it says this, don't you understand about any fucking middle for me to I wanna know who got you the best gift out of me Joe Dan and Kelly what the best I gotta I gotta get

I'm not gonna go through the gifts help out on a year of oil changes is it wearing on head he's a bad I couldn't get you nothing, but you come by the shop, we'll rotate your tires, we'll check the mileage. 20% lifetime discount. Scopo Indian gave him a shitty hat.

Listen. He didn't see my rabbit. Let's Scopo, we'll go through everybody. Kelly, what was the gift you gave Max? I brought Max a card and four books for the four stages of his life. Hold on, you can't, the card. The card is not part of the gift. Well, okay, well my card didn't have a naked baby on it, so it's fine.

My card was pretty awesome. I had a clown on mine. Okay. I had four books for the four stages of his reading life. So the first one was like an ABC for now. It ended with grapes and wrath. The second one is when he's like three or four, then the third one. And the fourth one was my favorite when he's like eight years four and the third one and the fourth one was my favorite

It's when he's like eight years old. I bought him rolled out BFG, which is like one of the best Ages of reading mandatory reading for Australia. Once you read that James the Giant Peach book, they push you out into the outback. You know what? I thought about my gifts a lot. You rest in a dingo and then you come back. You piece of shit. I thought about it a lot because Roald Dahl was a huge part of my life and I wanted to be part of Max's life. And you want Max to turn out like that? Unlikeable, unfunny, chubby.

Dan? What's up with anybody's dick? Dan, what did you get me, Dan? Well, I mean, I don't know how I follow that. I got Max a awesome giant claw that he's going to love in about a year and a half. It's more for his father. It's more for Bobby. As long as you didn't get him a vaporizer.

When he when he learns about the counterculture I will be there to be any He bought this guy he bought the fucking first thing you start the car wash Oh then the mic and then I bought a micro machine I bought him a hot wheels cars cuz every kid needs hot wheels Okay, you can choke on these one. That's pretty cool. And then I bought him a shirt from Louisiana that said Swamp Monster. I loved it. Bobby, how old's your son? That was personal.

One years old. One years old. That's one year old. I say one years. You also say eight months years. I say eight months old. Eight months years isn't a thing. It's awesome to think ahead, though.

Get him something he's going to like later. Because how fast the kids, they like it for a second, right? And then toss the shit Hot wheels stay for like that's a good day I think Dan kind of got the gift where he's like hoping that you opened it at the party so that he could play with It while he was there The claw, the claw Oh absolutely

It would have been you and Joe quippings. I actually wrote four minutes on the claw and I was bummed we didn't open it Joe gave the kid his CD It would have been you and Joe clippings. I actually wrote four minutes on the claw and I was bummed we didn't open it. I had some hot. Joe gave the kid his CD. I never said this. It's just like Bob Dylan's cover. Look. I wish Joe was still drinking. Listen, I'm kidding.

I'm just kidding. Come on. I got him a, uh, what did I get him? He gave me his 30 day chip. I got him some, I got him some, got him some dinosaurs and a nice baseball glove. Oh, that's great. He was disconnected even from describing the gift. That's no theme to a present.

Joe doesn't have a connection. Unless Max is going to fucking tell Joe how good his jokes are or his new premises, he wants nothing to do with them. I like Max. I just find him a little... He's like James. I just find him a little James Yeah, can I can I Can you pick a quick bone with you? No, not now we're doing gifts. Yes. It's about it's about Max

No, you call me up yelling at me saying that I called him a cocksucker on Ron and Fez Yeah, and I didn't I listened back to the audio and that's fucked up because you made me feel really bad about that You should just go ahead No, you're not getting anything until you tell we're talking about gifts right now. Sorry, this isn't fucking hammer fisting What gift did you get as an owner of a one-year-old? At least lease with an option to buy later, but as the owner of a world stop every it's right here Yeah, wrap that an option to buy later, but as and the owner of a well stop every it's right here Yeah, wrap that the auction to buy later Really working out bits today really trying to get on last comic standing again

Listen to this white Coming for you. All right, right. So I got him first. I got him a little treat holder, which is in the shape of a monster, which don't tell me he loves that. He loves his current treat holder, which is boring and nothing. So the one that I got him now looks like a monster, which he's going to have fun. So now terrifying. That's good.

He's terrified of his treats. He has a thing, but that's actually good because look what the way Bobby turned out. I was waiting for that one. We want him to be terrified. I mean, it was predictable, but it was good because it was fast. And then I got him. Slower than I would like.

Coming from a fatso himself. That was his appetizer of a gift. And then his main course was, it's a penguin shape thing that you stick to the wall in the bathtub that it uses the bath soap and it makes bubbles while he takes a bath. It spins Another Bobby gift I don't take baths anybody who knows me I don't fucking keep losing weight you might be able to Scopo what'd you uh... i got a bunch of uh... that i don't know what you did

by the likes that metrics and i think it might have a lot of weeks but i got a book on unions and i don't want to have a plastic washes he got the models mannequin he stole those clothes off of the video of all score says he's hot scenes all the kills all the kills. All the kills in the Scorseses.

The Apollonia scene from Godfather. I recreated that one shot in Goodfellas. With me, my father, and my mother. I got him two Acura rims. You gotta buy the other two yourself. But he's got a starter set. Wow, you fell off. You saw me looking you in the eyes.

I know, dude, you fucking stared me down during that show. I felt like, you felt like Roseanne during your act. Ah! Ah! I don't get it. I don't get it. Is that what she said to you? No, she didn't say that at all.

What did she say to you? She, I can't say it. I like you. Apparently I'm not allowed to talk about this on podcasts. No. Even after it happened. No, you're not. All right, good thing you said that. That was't say it. I like you. Apparently I'm not allowed to talk about this on podcasts. No. Even after it happens. No, you're not. All right, good thing you said that.

That was a good thing. Even after you've been edited out. That's people who are gonna be in the business in a couple years. Yeah, I think you're fine. You can fucking talk all you want. That was hurtful. That's all right.

You're gonna be in a kiosk in the fucking Niaq mall. You guys wanna buy watches? I did work in that mall in high school. Another one of that. What are these? These are rattle snakes! You ever say something crazy? Chk chk chk chk You're lucky you got that rattle sound now.

Because if this was last week you would have went tk tk or whatever the fuck you did. Tk tk Alright so now Scopo, what did you get? It's a couple of toy trucks ages 1 to 5 I believe I got it for him It's good. Oh solid

What the fuck? Yeah, the father and a scrooge she got him a pound of meat That's a good gift, but somehow it derailed the entire podcast That's good. It is one to five maybe global if swallowed here have swallowed. Yeah, I don't know got trucks you got a powerful swallow That's a great album. It's like a middle-of-the-road scopo fucking attitude. I don't know I got in trucks. They'll break down Really I'm just putting money in my own pocket. I would have to say out of all the gifts The top two can I do you the top two no no doom and order go four three two? Can I do you the top two? No, no, no. Do them in order. Go four, three, two, one. I would say, I don't want to go one, two yet because there's two of them that I like. Go four, three, two, one.

Hang on. There's two of them I like. I'm not going to do what you fucking say. When are you going to get that in your fucking fat-lipped mouth? God, I love watching alphas just clashing into each other. I like the baseball glove with the ball. Good job, Joe. Thank you, Dan. Thank you, Dan, I appreciate that compliment. Kelly, let me tell you something.

We all know I'm not gonna pick books. So before somebody says the joke, all right, before somebody says the joke, all right, maybe Don liked the books, but Don really liked the books. I imagine Bobby shutting Max's door going shhh. And then he goes into the living room and puts his reading glasses on and opens up the first one. A is for Apple. B is for D.

D is for Dude. Write that down, Kelly. You'll fucking forget it. I like the claw. Who doesn't like the claw? I had it my whole childhood. What's the claw? The dinosaur claw? You know the one where you pull the trigger and the claw? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a dinosaur head one when I was a kid. Yeah, there's that one. Probably not when you were one, but yeah. No, like last week. 10, 12. I had one when I was one. And I like the bubbles. Yeah. Bubbles are good.

All right. So those are my top three. I'll give you my top three. Now the number one toy, if I was to pick out of those three. Yeah. Everybody's hanging on your. I'm so excited if he says the bubbles.

God damn it. It's gotta be bubbles. I'm gonna punch whatever, if he doesn't say the bubbles, whoever it is. Uh-oh. I'm so excited if he says the bubbles I'm gonna punch whatever if he doesn't know the bubbles whoever it is. Oh, I think is a claw the glove Would not be my Attendance game Now they are it is a cool thing. It's sexual, which is nice. It's cool. Give it max those sensual baths. Wally looks at the picture, the naked baby girl.

You can only use it once a day, where the claw is all day long, every day, but I still would pick the bubble. The bubbles! Because if I was a one year old, and I was going to take a bath, I tell you what, I still would pick the bubble. Oh! Bubbles. Because if I was a one-year-old and I was going to take a bath, I'd tell you what, I would want that little tweety bird flipping

around spitting bubbles out. Listen, I think I'm going to appeal this. I think by the age of three, we'll overturn this. We've got a lot of time. I've got a lot of money for legal counsel. That gift only becomes useful from 74 till death. Yeah. Now have you used the bubbles yet with him? Does he dig it?

Not, we haven't opened them. We just opened them all today. What's up, Joe? Here's the thing, Robert. As you know, my Irish background, I have a lot of guilt. And boy, I know we have some nice guests here who are very combined. They're very funny. I don't want to belabor the whole party conversation here and take away from their time because I'm on here all the time. And let's be honest, Mike's never going to be back on. So I want

to get to him. Michael, that is not fully true. No, no, that's Mike. That's Mike. I'm looking at Mike. Sean, you would definitely be Michael. I don't want to belabor the issue here. I'll let him keep. that's my father that's my car i don't know if you would have to be there label the issue here are a few

uh... on the morning of uh... june first of the party was a little crunched for time it's a big week for me and those will crush for time and uh... exhausting by the way i had to uh... i was really a little low on time and i know people were waiting so i have to uh... just the guilt is killing me You don't have to do this dance Soder. He picked up the gift for me. Oh

I don't want to do that Bobby. I'm an investor. He sabotaged me. The other thing is I don't care for your son I like you a lot. I love you. I love you The kid's a little bit of an elitist I love you! The kid's a little bit of an elitist. So Dan Soder, he bought the gifts and he gave me, he allowed me to pick which ones I would like. Wow. And it was really sweet. That's incredible man. You know what that means? You had two chances to beat me and the Bobby Kelly gift off and I fucked you up. Also the Gator shirt, the Gator shirt is personal and sweet and he was traveling when he got that.

The rest of these were bought the morning of the party i have to say congratulations louis you bought the gift of bobby like the most i appreciate you being if i could just real quick this changes my this now but you bought both of the all these gifts they all came from you and wait a second i didn't even take into account that you went a long time ago and thought of my son. Wait a minute, hold on. No, you're supposed to be mad. When you were in a fucking another state. That's what I just said.

And you said, you thought of my son. You went, I'm gonna get this for little Maxie. Like you actually thought of my son when it was in his birthday. When you were just out there in the world. And ignored Lewis's son. So I'm gonna change my fucking day. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm gonna change my day. Let me interject, let me interject. I'm gonna change my day. No, Bob. No. And I'm gonna change The fucking shot I got about something I be honest about something Yeah, I shut down the whole show Bobby do that ape shit I didn't I didn't buy those gifts for max fucking monkey They were given to James for his birthday. I took them away from my own son That's regifting you Listen me and you are both very white.

He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. There's no re-gifting in that world. Bobby, they're not stealing it. It's positive. Rob boy. There's no re-gifting and there's no hand-me-downs. It's just your clothes.

And Robert? It's called the store. When you go to your aunt's house and you have older kids, it's called going to the store. Shirts last 40 years in my family. And I also, I have to say real quick, I appreciate you picking the Gator shirt. But I have to give this to Louis because I don't have a child,

so I have expendable capital that I can just spend on gifts. Also you have a job. Let me tell you this, did you buy that? Can you stop telling us when to laugh at your jokes? you have a job that's true let me tell you this did you did you buy that can you stop telling us when to laugh at you know I don't care how many people tweet at me I'm fucking doing it until I die you fucking cunts tweet at me your pieces of shit can really do get upset listen haven't you look like upset no I'm

listening all right look like you mean upset now well I was upset because I didn't get to invite her to your picnic. That's not what I thought. We moved on from there. Why didn't you invite Kelly? I texted like 11 people. Yeah, what's one more? You texted me. I was a little bit upset. Do you know something? I invited, personally, around 40 people. This is a party at your home. This is like, hey, we're going to get together at Central Park.

That's your house. You don't have a backyard. There's 200 comics. You don't text. I didn't problem that's your house you don't have a backyard there's 200 comics you you don't text I didn't text I just know I don't know I didn't say there's a deal I know where I am with you and in you yeah we're up in gnomes house you're good your party's good you're doing 30 we're good you've actually text me all right same day we we talk all the time you'll call me out of the blue you're the only one who's ever called me to go how How you doing? That's not true. That's not true What's your Bobby's a fucking liar? Hold on. I'm Bobby's a liar song

Bobby, could you move over you? Bobby's a liar You've called you're the only one who's called me. I talked to you Bobby. Yeah, and you also just stopped by my house Yeah, just come home his really crazy hot girlfriend that I wanna. No. Whoa. Joe, we've worked all the way through it. We worked through it on the train ride.

Dan's girlfriend is so fucking bananas horrible. She's crazy hot. Oh my God, she's hot. Why would you? I'm sitting there scratching his chin like a fucking professor. What am I gonna get in the monkey cage? I'm gonna let him throw his shit at the window.

I'm gonna let him tire out. I'm gonna go back to the couch and talk to our two guests with union faces. I'm gonna let him just put the tranquilizer gun and just shoot me in the ass. You're gonna let him get on the glass and rub his little pink lipstick on him. I'm like, oh, and my girlfriend's like,

oh, he thinks he's making love to me. I'm like, let him do it, he'll finish out. I'm like, he's actually, we injected him with AIDS a week ago. Dude, and listen to me, here's the problem, people can't see how successful you are, so when you walk through the mall with her, they must be going, what the fuck is happening?

You are a monster, it looks like Frankenstein is chasing a little girl. It's hilarious though, that his fucking chick is just as smoking hot. Beatrice is crazy hot. And when you walk through the mall, you don't think they think you're security? Beatrice looks like she was kidnapped. When she's on her website, I looked at her, she is so beautiful. Crazy hot.

Just to the point that the first time Louis and Beatrice ever hung out was at Joe DeRosa's birthday party. You guys were having drinks at the corner of the bar. I go, look at Lewis. He thinks he's going to land this. And he did. You know who wishes you talked to her, Bea wishes you said it to her. Dude, I'm on one time, DeRosa hadn't seen her in like six months or a year after that. And he was at Eastville and she was waiting tables at Eastville at the time. I was with you. And he was like, he came over to us and he was like, yo man, that waitress is really

hot. He didn't know it was big. And I jumped in and because I think you looked at him and I was like, yeah, right? Yeah. And then we goaded him into going, I was like, what would you do to her? He was like, oh dude, what I would do to her? I was like, yeah, you're just a real pig, huh? And I was like, that's my girlfriend, Joe.

And then he got awkward and slumped his shoulders even further. And then he wanted a glass of wine. You know what Joe did? He went home and jerked off to it. And he just came's my girlfriend, Joe. And then he got awkward and slumped his shoulders even further. And then he ordered a glass of wine. And he goes. You know what Joe did? He went home and jerked off to it. Yeah. And he just came in his hairy air of Kelly. That didn't affect the Rosa at all.

Kelly? Do you know how many people at Richam? Thank you, Joe. Thank you, Joe. God, I love you so much. Oh, I love you. Joe and Kelly. Really, I was just tired of hearing like, up, up.

Up, up, up, up. It sounds like somebody's pressing fast forward every second of the tape I'm not a turkey Joe just did the most accurate Kelly impression in the history of YKTV Can we hear it one more time? My overblown shitty Australian accent It's a turkey I don't like it Can we hear it again?

Kelly trying to tell a story It's like supplicating a chicken Alright what's the story, Kelly? This is going to be big. When we were at the Village Underground for Rich and Bonnie's live show. I wish we could have a fast forward button. How great would that be every time Kelly talks? Well, the listeners do.

Kelly, go ahead. Kelly, I'm not sticking up for you twice. You got my kid a book he can't read for 13 years. I was thinking ahead. Even then it's a stretch. Why don't you invite Kelly? I'm legendary for inviting Kelly places. He actually out of everyone. She's been at my home you fucking assholes.

Out of everyone Joey. Why are you on it Dan? I did a spread across. I did a whole spread. And I invited Kelly to Six Flags, I invited her to James' first birthday. Here's the problem, Kelly is dramatic. So you get to hear every time something isn't perfect Kelly's dramatic, so you get to hear, every time something isn't perfect in Kelly's life, you get to hear about it.

Good, good, because he sympathizes, he's got a good heart. I'm fucking dramatic. You are very dramatic. I am, I'm a fucking, I have an open heart. I get hurt easy. No, no, no, no, that's heart disease. Yeah, you require open heart surgery. I like the joke punched up your joke.

What are you talking about? It was a tag team effort. I have to. I'm looking out for him. That was a better joke. Speaking of tag teams, you guys look like a tag team, and then Kelly's your manager who throws salt in people's eyes when they're shooting. But they're the ones that they lose to the new cool tag team? Yeah, Lewis and I. Hey Bob, I'll tell you, I know I'm going to lose the room when I say this, but I have a... You don't have the room.

You never had it. At any point. Also, what are you gonna do, one of your jokes? If you could start every sentence with a... First of all, you guys can't all have the same thing. You can't all have the joke. Same thing. That's what she says right before she gets

on stage every night. Hey guys, I know I'm gonna lose the room right now, but just watch this. Yeah, I don't care. I bought a summer pass. So if you ever wanna go to Six Flags again, you gotta pick me up. You bought a summer pass? But yeah, I'll go with you. I'll summer pass on if you want to go to six flags again You bought a summer pass? You gotta pick me up but I'll go with you I'll summer pass on that one

Wait a minute That was the name of the episode Yeah so that was what the phone call was about it was a creative discussion Bobby listen we want to get the juices going we want to talk about your special we want you to look the best who's doing warm up? I don't know you Are you kidding me you're not going to who's doing warm-up. I don't know you I don't know Are you kidding me? You're not gonna let me do warm-up, bro

No, why because I don't like you you do like you just trash my son Why would I fuck would I give you anything anymore to defend my son your son's a violent prick? I'm sorry Good audience member either This bomb doing new stuff in front of your kid. He's don't face me for like 10 minutes. I don't care for him It's not my kid You could list bomb doing new stuff in front of your kid. He's stone-faced, like, for 10 minutes. I don't care for him. I think it's the hair. I don't know what it is. No, because you freaked him out with how small your mouth is compared to everybody else's.

He didn't know if you were talking or not talking. He's like, dude, this adult's got a mouth that's smaller than mine, dude. I'd rather have a small mouth than a big mouth. It's a bad data for that one. I don't think he does. No, absolutely not. He did it.

It was a chip. It was a purposeful. Such a hot one. That one's on there for a that one. I don't think he does. No, absolutely not. He did it. It was a chip. It was a purposeful. Such a hot one. That one's on there for a good one. Let's rerun it to see if Bobby gets it. You go on. You go on, man.

No, we're going to redo it. We did. Boy, Soda might move to LA. He's getting very LA. Yeah, that's what my people tell me. Yeah, I'm going to call him a laden. Yeah, that's what he tried saying on your podcast. Wow.

You tried bringing that shit on the podcast. He tried to do a Mexican humor. Oh. It should have been meaner. Listen, here's the deal. My special is being shot. I'm very excited about it. I don't know who's doing warm up for it yet.

I was excited. I might not do warm up. I might just go the fuck up. You're going to prior it? Line the concert? Why? It's good to have warm up. They get you get them hotup. I might just go the fuck up. You're gonna prior it live in concert? Why? He's gonna band. Why?

It's good to have warm-up. You get them hot. You get them juicy. Yeah, but if I get a warm-up, I'll get a warm-up guy. You know what I've done warm-up? You're not a... You got fired! I have five times he fired me! You know what you do? Bobby, you get a warm-up guy like Drew Frazier. Did you know you don't need to scream, right? No, he doesn't... He's never realized it.

I think he needs to scream. Okay, maybe you're right. It's an excellent method to hide that you don't really have anything to say get a warm-up guy and then get Gary Vita Gary Vita why you don't know you don't know her and a warm-up guy you need they wouldn't be able to see you know warm-up guy that can do some jokes after he has all the bullshit hey guys when the cameras are on blah blah blah blah all that shit they're free and I'm that guy Lewis is that guy thank you you, Danny. Do you have your vote? I vote Mike Yard. Mike what?

Why do you want Mike Yard? You do not want a high energy black guy. He's not high energy. Mike Yard sits down. He lays down. No, I'm not getting Mike Yard to fucking open. I'm not getting a better looking black guy. That's shiny. He's just gorgeous. I'm not getting, I lost a lot of weight. I'm not having a good, listen, I'll pick my opener when I pick it.

And I might not have one. I might, we might just, hey, ladies and gentlemen, Robert Kelly. And I go out and I warm him up. I get him into it. My schedule's filling up though, so you gotta let me know pretty soon. Yeah, well, hopefully it fills up.

I hope you, I hope you, actually, I'm hoping you book something in LA. I hope you get it. Lewis? Oh! When I'm finished, we would have sat at the same time. Lewis. By the way, if Lewis does warm up,

he wants to do it with all the lights off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that? Or with another comedian on stage. The dark comedy show. Can we talk about this? What, that Lewis has to do niche shows? But I don't...

Niche, isn't it? Do you understand? Is it niche? I think it's niche. Listen. Niche? Niche? If you said niche, I think it's niche. Listen. Niche. Niche.

If you said niche, I would have got it. This should be the show! This should be on the show the whole time! Bobby got funny overnight. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. The dark, when you go up and you go to a show, part of comedy, part of the funny, part of the timing of the joke is the look

and the facial expressions and the hand gestures. Even if you're not an energetic comic, you still have a look to the audience. So to take that sense away and just make, it's like listening to something in the dark, it stinks. Like an album? So you know you're selling.

And, and. That's a better show, by the way. And it's not, it's completely in the dark, it stinks. Like an album? You know you're selling? That's a better show, by the way. And it's not, it's completely in the dark, right? Which by the way, I'm just gonna put Chris Rock's album on. Chris Rock showed up at the Dark Show, whoa! We got a war going on, we got a war, black people. I don't need lights, lights! I love black people, but I hate, I was gonna say, but I go through with it.

You can't, you're a pussy. I'm a real ass pussy. Yeah, you're a real ass pussy, but apparently you learned something. Real salty pussy. Listen, I think that show stinks. I really do. Can I tell you something?

This is why you're- First of all, put your finger down. Can I tell you why you're stowin' it? Put your finger down. Because the experiment is specifically what you're talking about. Experiment, when did you become a scientist? First of all, you know they call me Dr. Gomez.

Welcome back to Louis J. Gomez's Fun with Science. Today we're gonna experiment with fake tits and comedy shows. Do you guys know what a proton is? They're all around us. Look, I just want to be able to smoke weed and finger a chicken. Get away with it. That's it. Really?

Good. Do I have to erase that from my podcast so you don't get fucking divorced? Hi, Bobby. Listen. Could you go back and edit the things I said about Kelly? Because she's going to watch James next week. Does Dawn listen to the show? Did you a bitch in it about me? Oh Fistuka no, why?

Louis's got yo Louis's Louis's got she called scope all bitching about me Louis has got Kelly on the brain like he those two those two need to either fucking say fuck you or stop pretending or Actually get your shit together. I'm not pretending. I hate Kelly. This is straight moonlighting, Bruce Willis, Sybil Shepherd. It's weird that you hate each other. Sit in the middle, would ya? You hate each other, but you have the same arms, which is weird. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha First of all, here's the deal. I am gonna tell her that. Why are you doing? I'm already afraid of her. Say sorry.

You should. I said I'm sorry. No, say sorry for what you said. I'm sorry I don't care for your kid. No, no, no. I feel bad. I wish that he liked me. Most people do. No, most people don't like you.

It takes a year to get to like you. Not at all. That's not true. James loves me and your kid is a slow learner, I guess, when it comes to good people. Listen, Joe is just temperamental because he bombed in front of your son That kid gave me nothing I brushed his hair. I licked his face watch what watch. How did you get that tongue out of there? I got nothing from this kid. I did a thing, I shook his hand, he pulled his pride. I say my kid has great taste because he didn't give you anything and he fucking whacked your

kid so he has good instincts too. And I murdered. Yeah, and he loves Dan. Oh my god. Oh my god, he loves your big eyes. I'm gonna record an album just in front of Max. Your big doe eyes that you have. The noises, the voices.

Yeah, your hands, your regular size hands. Oh yeah, everything, I take him to a different world. different world now James Lewis's son does not care for me. Yeah, I like James better I'm sorry. Can we stop getting stared down by this psychopaths kid? I like the stair You know what it all it all goes back. It all goes back to when James was about four months old I'm over at Lewis's on 21st and 1st. I'm holding James. Lewis is on the phone with you. We're watching UFC. All of a sudden, James just starts crying when I'm holding him.

And I'm like, James, stop crying. It's OK. Ah! I'm like, James, it's OK. Then Lewis is like, sir, what'd you do to my baby? And Ryzee hears that. James immediately stops crying and looks at me and goes, ha ha ha, and starts laughing.

I was like, you knew what you were doing. You little, every single thing. His eyes went black. It's just all people His kids looks under his fucking brow at you Yeah, you know you know did that Charles Manson and Damien good guy from the old Yeah, and Vince D'Anafrio and fucking full metal jacket. This is my rifle I Pick the wrong the wrong people to fucking drive home by the way

Why cuz what it was a just traffic? Oh trust me you did not pick the wrong people drive home Why you got traffic? Oh, no, we don't get traffic But we got Kelly's Byron Allen laughing at every joke that wasn't funny I'd rather have Kelly laughing in the back of my Honda pilot than sitting in Harlem at Harlem at rush hour Was awful. I was stuck. It wasn't even that bad. It was not after I dropped you off. It was terrible Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, it took me an hour and a half to get downtown crazy Crazy now I want to clear the beef with Scopo and List.

What's there a beef with them? We started already. It's just crazy. It's not like a thing. What about my beef with Scopo? Let's get to the bottom of this. No, no, no. Let's do this.

I want to air this out first. Alright, go ahead. Alright, go ahead. Well, how do you want to do it? First of all, here's the deal. Scopo gave Joe. It's not even a thing. It's like it's saying what he did.

I'm going to be Joe's lawyer and you're gonna be scopos lawyer I'm gonna judge. All right. We're now presenting the state of New York versus Chris scopo Me versus Chris go well, you're you are the this is a criminal case You're the plaintiff don't have a excuse me. Don't talk to the judge directly. Just keep your mouth shut. Let me handle Counselor. Yeah, I got him. I'm sorry your your honor, I apologize. It's all right, I'll see it. Sir, we do not let armpit farts in this courtroom. Objection, he's clearly armpit farting in the courtroom. Counselor, for not wearing sleeves,

I will not listen to you. You wear sleeves in my courtroom, that's just how things go. Listen to me, do you understand that he's not, he actually did that to that poor shirt, he cuts the sleeves. I just imagine him singing fucking shitty 80s rock as he's cutting off the sleeves.

Oh. He's like, talk, talk to her, to her. I feel bad for the lady under the, on the seat under him on the train with his smelly armpit. That's not true. I'm wearing bear glove. What's that? What the fuck is that?

A new scent from Old Spice. It's the best. Can you chew on it? It smells like bubble gum and caves. Where you going? We just hear them walk in the room. Jesus, Scopa. Who's going to get over it?

Your Manziel tweet wasn't that bad. Let's go, Your Honor. So we have Preece present the case as far as the plaintiff. Preece? Listen, yeah, I have a speech impediment. I fought very hard and graduated from Columbia Law at the top of my class. What did you say, silly wabbit?

Silly wabbits, twigs for kids. Oh, oh. Seasales by the seas to a seabrazy. I feel like you're a seabrazy. All right, come on. You're on. Let's do this. The plaintiff, Joe List.

Wait a minute, hold on. God damn it. Can't get the case out. Can the judge please be macho man Yeah, the only thing that goes in here is justice yeah goes from the top to the bottom, huh? Yeah You're the lawyer representing Joe list yes never seen a mouth that small, never seen a mouth that big. Yeah, when it's open. Yeah.

Did you object? What the fuck? I'm sorry, I'm enjoying it. Objection, objection. It's either small or big. No, not Macho Man the whole time. Your Honor, I would describe Joe List as being fiscally irresponsible. Can you do it in Stone Cold Steve Austin way?

It doesn't matter if the real rattlesnake not some goddamn Puerto Rican rattlesnake Wants to say that Joe list doesn't spend his money. Joe list does spend his money on dumb shit You know what? The Puerto Rican rattlesnake is gonna interject here because the Puerto Rican rattlesnake did experience Joe list being a little cheap one time Hold on now. I'd like to hear from this this witness. He might have been broke instead of cheap Puerto Rican rattlesnake Let me hear from you broke Puerto Rican rattlesnake First of all, you get your rattle out. I'm sorry me and Joe less We've become a lot more friendly over the course of the past year after I can't be we've taken out walks

What you talk like his baby we talk about nice, baby. Very receptive to Wait till your fucking wallets missing with not Or wait till you're sleeping and you wake up and James is staring at you holding a little knife, just sucking the breath out of your mouth like it's on. He's doing donuts with your car in front of your house. My father has no idea. So Joe List says to me, he's like, oh, dude,

let's go to Chipotle, because Joe loves Chipotle. Who doesn't? Who doesn't? It's great. Who doesn't get meat on a salad? I love it. I love it. It's it. Who doesn't? Who doesn't? It's great. Who doesn't get meat on a salad? I love it. I love it. It's great.

Or who still can have tortillas? And the chicks behind the counter are always cute. Not too cute, like Hooters. Attainable. But attainable cute. Yeah, regular hot. Oh, God. And they, what can I help? They're not quite cute. Oh, they're so nice. So nice. And then the pollo, I get the meat, the spicy meat.

One on six, the quesos are very cute, by the way. I can't do the bread, so I get it on the salad with the beans and the cheese and the guacamole Bread where's this story going? Yeah, go ahead. So Joe We're online and then what he's doing is as we're walking. He's like, oh dude all these fans of the podcast They keep on sending us Chipotle gift cards. I have this videos. I have $500 in Chipotle gift cards What he says Bob, you're not listening. You're the fucking judge. I listen I am getting something from my what are you? Yeah, go ahead so so he fucking

I already got the response I have five hundred dollars in gift cards that I got for free from fans of my other podcast which I've done three times What you've done three times with story three Tuesdays with stories how many Tuesday, which I've done three times. What? You've done three Tuesdays with stories? Three Tuesdays with stories. How many Tuesdays with stories have you done? I've done none. You've done one. Yeah, because you didn't call.

You didn't show up. No, I didn't not that I didn't show up. You bailed on the day of the show. I had to. My baby was in the hospital. I had an audition. That's a lie. I booked a gig.

That's a lie. My grandmother was sick. Bobby, I've only been asked one. I had to rescue a midget from a fucking boating accident. I don't need help. Did you get the ones that they sent you, the new ones, right? So listen. Yes.

He fucking, I literally go to order a salad. This is a very Puerto Rican accusation right there. No, I go to order a salad. I fucking look at Joe. He's got $500. His gift card doesn't say anything. I was like, oh, I'll just pull out my money. I have a baby that I'm trying to feed.

I'm poor. I'm struggling a little bit paycheck to paycheck. And I paid for my salad out of my own pocket, even though he's just pull out my money. I have a baby that I'm trying to feed. I'm poor, I'm struggling a little bit, paycheck to paycheck, and I paid for my salad out of my own pocket, even though he's bragging about his $500 in free Chipotle money that he's got on him. What a dick. Whenever you're ready. Are you finished, Rattlesnake?

I'm finished. All right. The venom is out. All right. All right, I would like to hear your response, but after these commercial messages. Oh, come on. That's how you keep on right. I would like to hear your response, but after these commercial messages. Oh, come on. That's how you keep them listening.

Is there a more Puerto Rican accusation than calling somebody cheap for not buying him lunch? Well, he didn't buy me lunch. It's not buying me lunch. It is. You bragged about $500 in gift cards that you got for free. What fan sends you Chipotle gift cards? Millions and millions of listeners. A bunch of people. And why the fuck don't I get Chipotle gift cards? Because you don you got for free. What fan sends you Chipotle gift cards? Millions and millions of listeners.

And why the fuck don't I get Chipotle gift cards? Because you don't ask for them. I want Chipotle, look at me. I want Chipotle gift cards. It is focusing on me. Chipotle gift cards better show up at 117 McDougal Street, New York, New York. What's the zip code?

Google it, okay? And I want it to Robert Kelly why KW dude written on the thing I want Chipotle gift cards I eat some polio no sugar no grains that's it that's no such a taco promo you just cut a good wrestling taco you don't send that to Chipotle and they they don't use it as a national campaign I'll be furious anyways I have $500 of the gift cards I've used a lot of them already i had a little one more cut on me

one get that on the and had nine dollars remaining right i actually less than that it had like six at seventy five also louis was in front of me and paid before i could even offer and i still had to pay four dollars in cash i had one uh... six dollar gift card i mean and they also share them with my co-host mark norman and i think it is fucking hilarious to keep sort of being cheap for not buying them lunch when i fucking babysat your kid while you played beanbag toss and i

did a great job to be honest first off let me step in and say that's not a real baby sitting that's a little yeah holding a kid like it's a hot ham that's what is it a real now it's like a half hour with that kid. I taught him how to walk. I taught him a new body part. I can't mention it in the air. That was the line of the barbecue. Where's your cornhole? Yeah, we're playing cornhole. And the list goes to James. He goes, where's your cornhole? If everybody said tush, he would have pointed to it. He did. I did do that. We did a lot of things. All right. So listen. So you're... Who is his claim? I think...

I'm going to make a decision right now. I reject... I... Are you stroking out? Chris, touch his tongue. You smelling burnt hair, Bobby? What's happening? I will not accept Lewis's charges against him for being cheap. It was a $9 thing.

He was buying himself lunch. He's not a rich man. He got gifts for the works he's done. You had money in your pocket for the work you done, and you're not obligated to buy somebody something just because you have a gift certificate. Let me tell you how lean Joe, shut up. And it wasn't a $30 gift certificate, it was a have a gift certificate. Let me tell you how lean Joe lives. And it wasn't a $30 gift certificate, it was a $9 gift certificate.

Let me tell you how lean Joe lives. If you've seen Joe's bedroom, he looks like a war criminal on the run. Like he's trying to stay like not a... We got it. Okay. I'll take that. I know that war criminal line was good if you've seen his bedroom. I just didn't want to sit through whatever else you were going to...

Also, they weren't free. I was going to keep going. The people give them, instead of donations, they give our our time we put a lot of time into the show the show Listen, I don't want to hear out of you anymore little mouth. Okay, I agree with you You don't do the show for fucking donations or gift cards or anything we do these shows So we will raise our profiles and people will come and see us on the road and we'll have more fans But to some people it's's valuable. Listen, my decision, you can open for you at June 17th. No, you can't.

For the all of Skin Warrior. You know what he's trying to do, he's trying to get his eight fans on my show. Dude, you gotta have, I'm not going. I hope they don't go, because I don't want you fans at my show. I hope, listen. You don't want the Go-Mites there?

I want, listen. The Go-Mites. Are you kidding me? If you're a Go-Mite might I want you to go fuck yourself No, I don't I don't want any go my go much unite What do they do fly They didn't unite they flew away Now back us in his prison tattoos. My point is that if you can say white trash, could you say black trash?

That's what I call them What's the equivalent like you can't describe the only you can you can describe Somebody is white and then some epithet right white trash. You cannot describe any other race. Can you please tell in any? Lewis you can describe it. First of all Bobby I don't even know if you said the right word after he said it you fucking asshole. I feel like you're smarter than me too. You make me furious with that as well. Do I make you furious? Dan's not smarter than me. Joe's a little smarter. Oh you turned on the mic when he said I was smart. He doesn't even need to pull the microphone away. Just turn it off on him smart You fuck both of us

Lewis said I was smarter than him. I think that was smart. It's probably on his education and fucking juvie fuck you But Bobby prints up the posters that you sell I had a guy walking Philip Seymour Hoffman's I want to hear about it, but I already told them the show I think no you didn't I told it on a show, I think. No, you didn't. I told it on the show a year ago. Well, nobody remembers that episode. Change it. I was drunk in the East Village years ago, 2003.

Philip Seymour Hoffman, my favorite actor at the time. Who is now? Well, he's still not my favorite living actor. He was a young black gal who I love very much. Black people. Thank you. They were talking and I walked over and I was I was really drunk. I was 21 years old and I said the only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone when you're uncool. And then Phil Seymour Hoffman said, what? And I said, it's a line from Almost Famous, which Colin Quinn had pointed out. I like to name-drop sometimes.

He's like, the guy didn't even write the movie. It's not even his line. And then I said, he said what? And I was like, it's a line from a movie. And then he's like, oh, okay. And then I said, I'm friends with patrice o'neill Black girl and then seymour hoffin said i don't know, who that is And i said he's in 25th hour with you and then upon watching the movie again later they're not even in the same scene

And i had never met patrice o'neill at the time Wow, and I never became friends with Patrice either. So I was struck out. That was an attempt to star fuck. I just wanted it. Well I just love that line. I wanted to I wanted to talk to him. I was young and I tried to personally train John Cusack once and I thought he was the asshole. I walked up to him and I was like hey if you ever need a trainer is like now i'm good i was like what do you wish there that was made that and then i thought we were months ago in october i was on the same flight as philip simone often and that

was at the same restaurant across the way my giannual the same uh... same flight you know what to do this you are philip simone often i love philip simone was a fucking fitting ending to that story. I fucked your show up so bad today. No you didn't.

No you didn't. No you didn't. Don't lie to him. No you didn't. I mean I think it's, I just hope that you get your shit together. Philip Seymour Hoffman had been sober for 22 years. You really did come on the show not to do a show.

His first movie he was 19 years old, little knownknown fact. He was Philip s. He did way better last time I well yeah, you were peppy you were ready this time you came on right yeah like all sad I thought he should have won the Oscar for almost famous I know that's why I'm trying to change Like I'm connecting with Bobby for the first time We don't even know why we cut both those mics you guys connect and we'll talk about steam Yeah, but listen first of all I'm joking Bobby get all serious. Why are you mad at me? Cuz I can't be on your show Yeah, what happened you invited?

I'm not mad at you at all, but I can fucking open up the show, you fucking nod on my show and fucking... Yeah, because, Bob... I'm not mad. What? You turned down the opportunity to perform live for 700,000 people. And from that million, 700,000 people? 4.7 million. Is it?

I'm not upset at all. I'm happy to be here. I should have done it. I'm having a fun show. This fucking show would have went through the roof. I'm very upset from a fiscal aspect that you did not do. Joe is doing Wembley Stadium next to me. O2 Arena.

He's like, hey, how you doing? Ah! Thank you! Give it up for Mark, Norm, and Mike Olos. Hello, people of the stadium. I have been programmed to entertain you. Give it up now for Amy Schumer. I mean, Amy, Amy, Amy Schumer.

Amy Schumer. Amy Schumer. You may have seen her on the. I'm sure. I'm sure. How do you feel? I think it's fun. I'm enjoying it. How do you feel? Good. I feel fine. I'm enjoying it.

Seven million people! Terrible news out of Cincinnati. 13 crushed when they opened the doors to a live Two Faces story show. You pulled a who? It's like a sucker riot there. Ah! Stampeded again. Is this a girl grabbing for arrows, Joe's on stage?

No, they're coming towards the scene. He looked at me. Ah, shit. Oh man, I'm even liking what Kelly's saying right now. It's all good. It's all just good. You think he looked at me and added a little to that? Kind of!

Oh man! You think that added a little? Chow! Chow! Chow! Chow! Chow! Chow! Chow! Chow! Chow! Chow! Chow! Chow! Chow! Chow! I'm sorry everyone! Due to cancellation! Chow lists flight! Could not make it! Boo! Boo! Is there anyone in the back? Is there anyone in the back? Is there anyone in the back?

Oh shit, Guns N' Roses has to play extra long. Joe's smoking a cigarette. My throat hurts. Joe, I feel better now. They had a Radio Shack in England. Turns out I take Ds. Hey! Zing! In England Are you guys You guys ready? F**k your f**kers. I just like the thought of all of a sudden he just jumps up from the bottom of the stage. So grabs the mic.

I want to thank the Navy for flying overhead. He's got the Madonna mic over his mouth. He's got the Madonna mic over his mouth. He's got the hands free set. I want to thank the New York gangies for taking the night off so we can do this motherfucker right. Woo, ain't nothing like a Tuesday with stories outside. Ah. And just imagine one of those montages

where it's the cover of every magazine. Just show it. And there are different poses. And he has a Tony Stark beard. But you can't show us top 40 under 40 in America. I don't get it. The top 10 iTunes podcasts are all his. Thank you, Joe.

Thank you, Bobba Walters. I'm interviewing Joe Liz. Joe, you said 100, Lee. Change the podcast game. 470 million this year. It's more than the population of Earth. You're taking the most popular star in China. We must be thinking of getting into the world of the internet.

We're not going to be able to do that. We're going to be doing it in China. We're going to be doing it in the world of the internet. We're going to be doing it in the world of the internet. We're going to be doing it in the world of the internet. We're going to be doing it in the world of the internet. We're going to be doing it in the world of the internet. We're going to be doing it in the world of the internet.

We're going to be doing it in the world of the internet. We're going to be doing it in the world of the internet. We're going to be doing it in the world of the internet. We're going to be doing it in the world of the internet. We're going to be doing it in the world of the internet. We're going to be doing it in the population of Earth. You're taking the most popular star in China. We must be thinking of getting interviewed by British Barbara Walton. I know, you had to make it real. I'm going to say it's a voice Dan can't do. I know, I found the edge. I found his weakness. What is the thing you have?

So I got number two. I got eczema on the bottom of my feet. You have eczema? You have eczema on the bottom of your feet? You're eczema? You have eczema on the bottom of your feet? You're going to be ugly when you're old. I have to say though. I'm going to be ugly. It's like you're walking on eggshells. I will support Soto on this one.

I get eczema on my feet too. Thank you. Oh. The common thing. Was that a joke? Was that an eczema joke? It wasn't bad. Walking on eggshells.

Can we not take any more socks off please? Because this room is starting to smell like feet and it's gross. Why don't you pull your panties down and you can fucking kill the smell with that? Kelly, what would Harold Ramis do? Your pussy smells like eggs and dumplings. Quick Kelly, go into your second city training. Well, I know when I moved here because of Rick Romantic.

Oh, you had it! You fucking asshole. God damn it, I was gonna say Annie Potts. The millions and millions of fans are disappointed in you, Joe. Rick Moranis. That's gonna say Annie pot millions and millions of fans are disappointed in you Drop t-shirt sales Tuesdays and stories breakfast cereal How about a mouthful of stories

Dad I can't fit the spoon in my mouth. Sounds like you need to listen to a story. A Tuesday story. Will you please pug me into the wall? Yeah! He has eight essential minerals and vitamins. You fucking... Minerals? You are so dumb!

What did that happen? He said minerals. He's like, you guys, first off, I'm just as smart as Soder. I'm just as smart as Bobby. I'm fucking smart as Bobby. You're all fucking dumb. You fucking dumb assholes.

You're all, nobody, nobody in this room. I've gone, wow dude, they're really like intellectual. None of you are fucking smart. Yeah. Joe, Joe. All I'm saying is that was, you did that like it was your first day of improv school. You're like this Yeah, maybe there's a breakfast cereal everyone laughs. Yeah minerals. Yeah. Yeah Repeating it bomb hey

No, you're anger you keep going with your anger. What were you screaming? Wait, what was that? You were screaming that everybody's double that big. No, yeah me no yeah no yeah it's not fucking acting like you're smart that's the I'm smart not like everyone says I know things I hate when when people get their fans after other people mm-hmm oh when the fans take it upon themselves to attack other comedians I just don't like it. I don't like it either. I've never tried to get my fans really. One time I did it, not really. Wasn't even my fans, it was ONA's fans,

when the lady fucked me with the troops, when I wanted to make a DVD for the troops and she said, no, I don't support the war or the troops. And I was like, go fuck yourself. But as far as another comic, I only try to get people to go and support people. I don't want my fans to not like people that I like or that are friends of mine.

I don't want my fans to not like people that I don't like. I don't give a shit. I specifically tell my fans not to troll people. I kind of feel bad about the whole guys we fucked thing from back in the day because we did kind of encourage them to be shitty to those girls and yes, were wrong it's actually a similar thing both times here these girls come out and they strike and they really cross the line and they come and they punch you in the fucking face figuratively speaking and

then you you strike back and then they go but I'm a victim stop being aggressive what are you doing your fans are saying mean things to me but the reason that we kind of get away with it that again in the mic yeah I like that but do that again I really changed you changed in front of me yeah change you know what saying mean things to me. But the reason that we kind of get away with it is- You do that again in the mic. Yeah, I like that though. So I can get that. But do that again. I really like the way you changed. You changed in front of me. Yeah, change, do that again.

I'm the new, you know what, dude? Let me make that point, because I'm gonna forget the point that I'm fucking making, right? All right, go ahead. When you wanna be serious, let us know. I'll let you know. But I literally already forgot my point.

No, you were saying- We were just trying to be funny. They come out and punch you in the mouth, and then you say they're victimized. Yeah, so then you hit them back, and then they're going like, oh my God, I'm the victim here. And then you have to have this thing yeah, so then you hit them back, and then they're going like oh my god I'm the victim here, and then it's you have to have this thing We're like I'm not gonna just pretend that you didn't strike first. It's a Dave Smith. I was used this analogy

It's great, but it's like when somebody's got a gun on you And they go give me your money, and then they look up and you grab the gun and they go oh, hey No, I'm cool man. I got a job. I got a kid. I'm trying to like no motherfucker You're trying to rob me with a gun that always happens What is that? worst analogy Like no motherfucker, you're trying to rob me with a gun. That always happens. That's a great analogy. What is that analogy? Cobra Kai Academy. That's the worst analogy I've ever heard in my life. Great analogy.

I thought it was a good analogy. You like that analogy? Thanks. Joe, well of course you do. I just feel like that probably doesn't happen all that time. Ever, it's never happened. Louis is like, no, you know what happens when those seven guys surround you and you're like, I'm not in the mood for this today.

And then you whip all their asses. What does anybody ever grab the gun and went, yeah? And they went, whoa, like a kid, who, when does that ever happen? you know as a real father asked whether anybody ever grabbed a gun away yeah and they were well i think it will all with his and i'll offer trees falling in the forest by themselves in the last all the time i was just white male corporate billionaires trying to run our planet patriarchy that was a smart analogy uh... with first sexist margaret and then and what happens. These girls come out and fucking strike,

and then when I strike back, they act like I'm being a bully to them. But it's like, I don't know what you want me to say. Don't be a fucking asshole in the first place. I'm just treating you like I would treat anybody else. Don't get in the grass if you don't want to get bit by a cobra. Look, you gotta, I mean, to know you,

you have to know you is to love you. You're a, not you. Everybody loves you, it's sickening. But Lewis is, you're a cunt, you're a pain in the ass, you're aggressive, you're a fucking, it's your way. I mean. You know, I create things because nobody's giving me an opportunity.

There's more, there's more. I create opportunities for myself. You just fucking. I don't let, hold on. I don't let people. Let me just finish my fucking thought. Shut the fuck up for once. You just yap. I'm trying let me finish my fucking thought shut the fuck up for once. Yes. Yeah

I'm trying to compliment you fuck Really? It doesn't fucking sound like it fuck. I am I was trying to be funny. You're sitting here at the beginning Can we be funny? Why is it so serious? I was trying to set up a fucking joke and you step on it Well, you're fucking stupid speeches Fucking idiot. I'm saying that you're a fucking aggressive asshole like me and sometimes people don't get that because of where you come from. You got a big heart, you're a fucking sweet guy, you care about a lot of people and you do a

lot of things for a lot of assholes. Right. That don't give it that that you don't get back. Right. Okay. These two specific fucking dickheads. Well fuck they're not dickheads. Yes they are. What they are is that they're fucking different than you They're dickhead buddy. I'm telling you fucking remove a comic from a fucking gig They went above my head to try to remove another comic there it is there it is There it is right now there it is there it is there it is Put your headphones on stupid stop taking your headphones off like you're a fucking comment head. They're not dickheads. They're not dickheads.

I think it's over your head, not above your head. They are dickheads. Yes they are. No they're not dickheads. Okay Bobby, defend your fucking jerk off fucking idiot friend. I can give a fuck less. It's not a fucking... Defend her, it's fucking sickening. I'm not defending her, you fucking idiot. I'm saying what she... what are you leaving? You're a fucking I'm not sickening. I'm not defending her you fucking idiot. I'm saying what she what are you leaving?

Fuck you fuck you Why would you leave are you are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking you don't even let me finish the fucking point! Sit down and let me finish the point! Sit down and let me finish the point! Stop being a fucking baby! You are being a fucking baby!

Sit down! Sit the fuck down! And this year it's bigger, correct? Yeah, this year is going to be literally three times the United States that have been sold already. I mean I got an afternoon show I'm YKWD, but whatever It's bigger, correct? Yeah, this year is gonna be, literally, it's three times the United States that have been sold already. I mean, I got an afternoon show on YKWD, but whatever, afternoon on Sunday.

But listen, the thing is, we got a huge love space that we're working with in conjunction with The Creek and the Cave as well. After the sun's gonna be out when I'm bucking up state. But the whole fucking thing, I'll tell you right now, man, it came from. I wish we did this on Skankfest. Man, we fought, oh, that'd be great.

Can we let him talk before he fucking kicks somebody's chest in? So. When's the last time he kicked someone's chest. Yeah Shut the fuck up She's not a cocks