Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - RIP WILLIAM STEPHENSON

Episode Date: January 21, 2019

This week on YKWD we memorialize William Stephenson, talk about Ghosts, summon ghosts, send ghosts to haunt Soder and battle toxic masculinity by shaving more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a claustrophic. It's podcast, no rules. Look at the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a microphone? No, that's not a bug.

That was trying to keep it like a comic ad. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's a 10-no-topics. No directions. I love doing it sides of the coin Do you think my podcast is popular enough? I might affect somebody's life. You never know. It's Robert Kiles, you know what to podcast on flightcast.com. Yeah, we are here. No, the show's not popular. I got a business purpose.

You got to talk. Is that a sign of success? The season is this? The season is this, man. When the opening credits is me going bam, bam, bam, bam, stupid, stupid, going bam bam bam Oh, I can't wait for generic rock intro It's public domain week Good good good good good good. What good? Have somebody write you a song yeah somebody write us a song send them into ykwd at ridecast.com

Whatever song is the best we're going to use oh really I love it you're gonna get okay I know of course we're using jet till it goes down I uh all right so check it out right now bring up the uh very sad news in the comedy world oh would you bring a laughable there's an app that's tracking all of us version three point now sub bum.0. So bummer. It's a bummer. Yes. Liz, why don't you bring your send on this one?

William Stevenson passed away this weekend in his home. We really don't know what happened yet. He was under the weather on Friday. And then unfortunately, he did pass this weekend. And we're going to miss him. He's been doing comedy. He's been a staple at the seller for Since it started 30 years 30 years. Yeah, he started to do comedy. He started doing comedy in Washington store. I saw it I came I'm coming through the park one day 20 years ago

You could walk through that park, shred it. I had a tank top on. V-neck and bobby. V-neck white t-shirt. Can you see? There's some young ladies here. Horde or Reacon Bobby was hot. Bobby, go and say, don't belt.

What's the year? What's the year? What's the year? What's the year? Take us back. Who's in the office? We're talking 97. 97.

We're talking fucking Clinton's second term. We're talking 97. Wow. Yeah're talking fucking Clinton's second term. Talking 97. Wow. Yeah. This before you got sucked off by Lewinsky. Walking down I had a medium, medium, had an M on my shirt. Yeah dude.

Yeah haven't seen that in thousands of years. Thousands like the dinosaurs. Thousands. Had a V-neck because I like to show that chest, because I have a good upper chest. I have a terrible, I have a sunken upper chest. You really do have Jericho chest. Yeah, hey, shout out to Chris Jericho

with the greatest wrestlers of all time. Thanks. So you're coming through the park. I'm walking through the park, I got a hat backwards, maybe a leather can go hot out, but you know what? What's a can go? Yeah. Hat.

What? You don't know what a can go hat is? Hat. No. You don't know LL Cool J? You don't know what a can go hat is? Hat. No. You don't know LL Cool J? You don't know fucking Rock the Bells. Is that me, LL Jackson?

Okay, okay, okay. Okay. Sorry. Do I draw a thing? Not the, not, not. You don't know Rich Voss from I.K.N.A. Because I'm going to be selling my feedies out of time. That's the name of that hat.

Voss's list was hard to do because I want to go straight lateral list, but you can't. No, it's not. It's just a little touch, a little hint. Yeah, you can't go full list. You can't, you go full list, but you can look like your basically just call him a water head. Too much.

I'm not, I'm not doing that. It's a subtle list. So I walked through the park, and I'm sitting, and I'm sitting, the dude I saw at the comedy seller, because I'm not really fully in there yet, is got a five gallon bucket And he starts talking to all these the crowd. He's like Gather around gather. He gets a crowd around and he starts doing stand-up

So it's making jokes bang bang their laughing and then he does this whole set 20 minutes set And then he had a joke at the end, you know like most middle guys doing the road about their t-shirt Yeah about his bucket and then people gave him money. It's nuts. It was crazy. He didn't look happy. Well, it's hard to be happy. He never did.

He never did. He never did. He never did. Number one, when you're William, and number two, when you're working in the park. William in the park doesn't seem like a happy place for him. William anywhere, isn't happy place. But he was made, I mean, dude, imagine having, imagine having that balls. That's crazy. Yeah. To say, yeah, I'm going to gonna make 50-60 hundred bucks. How are you gonna do it? I want to go to the park

No, yeah, I'm gonna take that bucket using that bucket. You know the one you had to pay Pickles thanks less the pickle bucket. I'm gonna take that you might if I take that for a little bit I'm gonna go fill it with cash Fill it to the brim. I'm gonna go fill it with $1 in nickel. Talking to William, he used to work with like the famed park performer Charlie Bennett. He did? Yeah, he was another one.

Yeah, Charlie Bennett, who's a big inspiration for Chappelle. A lot of great guys. Really love Charlie Bennett, who passed away from the AIDS virus. Yeah, the AIDS before they cured it. Yeah, there's a bathhouse disease. Yeah, you always wait for a disease till famous people get it.

Then you can go fuck. Move, move, move, move, Charlie Bennett. Look at him, Charlie Wesley Bennett. An American baseball player, from 1875 to 1876. Park performer from 1877. Right, comedian, you're fucking loser. It was on the back.

Charles Bennett. Charles Bennett. Why are you saying it's on the floor? Charles H Bennett. This fake. Charles H Bennett played shortstop for for this Charles H. Bennett? Yeah, Charles age Bennett Should stop for the Milwaukee Dodgers for the for the Minnesota ninnings Second basement and he was a wall that's this fucking guy

What are you is it Mike? What is this gonna be a you know pull a mask off your face to be look like mushy Mike the bull for all men. You know what's funny with his with his hat on he looked like Jacoosto and now he looks like a union worker that's just unfurling I'm not having that. He goes that that brought his eye-never seen pipes do this Charlie Charlie Bennett. He looks like he sells his balls. Oh, right there. There we go. There is Charlie Barnett. God damn it. I'm sorry. The

Galician corrected me. We fucked you. You know what? I apologize. So anyways, he, um, he, uh, look at that shit right there in the park, man. That's it. Park. Yep. Killin. Killin. And you know what? William fucking was killing too. Yeah. Killed. William is to my favorite thing with, uh, he would do the, the bacon. when you be like Is like bacon is like bacon? Sounds like bacon you get a clap like slow and then he give me a clap high and I was like That's when I first moved to New York. I was like that's pretty impressive because those you come for who's on where they're like

Oh, no, you know, just fucking see room club. What do you mean the bacon? He would get people to clap when he would Emcee when he would open every show he'd do some jokes and at the end, he'd be like, all right, start clapping, and he's like, clap more. But like quiet, yeah. He's like, quiet clapping. He'd give him the build and learn how to clap as an audience. Yeah.

And he'd get him at one point where they're all clapping, and he's like, do you hear that? Sounds like bacon cooking. And it sounded exactly like bacon cooking. And if they were clapping, like snapping a pop. I bet that was one of his park jokes. It was great. Probably.

Yeah. Probably. That felt worked out in the park. I feel bad. That. Probably. Probably. The felt worked out in a park. I feel bad. This was, it felt like you worked out in a park. Yeah. Yesterday, people were texting and emailing, so sorry, William. He was the nicest, kindest man.

I'm like, no, he wasn't. He was a crumogen piece of shit. My favorite part of him was I've've learned from William to never ask someone Hey, how you doing you know when you're doing that? You know you're doing it and then you go you asked me that already Well, I'm sorry William. I remember I walk up to you know dude. What's happened? How's it? How's it going? It go? Why We don't have to have this conversation

What are we having this conversation for just would always say that. What do we have in this conversation for? Just wandering aimlessly around the allentory. But then when, yeah, it's funny. It's red sweatshirt. When people try to, like, look back and like, he was like a warm bath of light. No, he wasn't. And it's dark, you're like, no, man,

sometimes you're like, I think William fucking hates me. Yeah. And I like him for that. Could never remember Phil Hanley's name. Great. One of my favorite things. He could never remember Phil Hanley's name great one of my favorite things He could never remember Phil Hanley's name and it was probably on purpose and Phil Hanley likes to believe it was on purpose Mike another comedian who died Mike the Stefano used to always call me Dave New for a fan

His guy you know I was going to and Dave I'm like Mike. know. I know, I'm a dude. Here's a noble shitter. Yeah. I mean, love desserts. I've never seen people eat brownies like that. Let me get a brownie. Oh, okay. Let it. Marble reds and desserts.

Yeah, it's, we've lost a lot. Yeah. Yeah. And he, I mean, he was 62, which is young. And they don't know how he, he passed. It's kind of scary. Yeah. Yeah. Murder.

What is next murder on WDN? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey I mean, I don't leave that. Just to shittalk other comics. It's always interesting when comedians die and then they really pony up to the other one. Like, people that aren't friends with the comic give these like, these like, social media posts really. Oh, I know. You didn't fucking know them. You barely knew them. I'm like, I remember walking into the olive tree on a muggy day.

I was so upset and we- Hashtag olive tree. Hashtag comedy saw. Hashtag comedy saw. And William pulled me into a booth and he I see what you're doing keep going down that path It was weird cuz Colin Quinn hashtag call I am calling Quinn I am Colin Quinn said I believe in you Drawdo died I saw two posts of people that I'll never forget posted like that and it's genuinely affected the way I treat them in real life

posted like that and it's genuinely affected the way I treat them in real life. I'm like, fuck her. Gross asshole. Great. Because Grey Draldo, I was just a fan of him. I met him twice and he died and I was like, nah, that sucks. One of my favorite comics died. And then I saw someone that was on the same level of knowing Grey Draldo. Be like, Grey Draldo and I walked around the West Village and he told me that, fuck

you. Fuck you. That'd be funny if they were really close friends Like Becky oh you piece of my Guess what I'm calling you No, they can be really live in LA. Oh perfect. Oh Such a pussy you're a pussy. Whoa Perfect. It's such a pussy.

You're a pussy. You're a pussy. That's kiss. I, yeah. Louis just texted me. I'm sorry, doggy. No, they're fight. Is he not, is he not coming?

He's not coming. He had a, he had a thing come up with this, some personal issues. Yeah. So he's taking care of some stuff. Me too. Mike Vekion misses me. I can't be there for you.

I mean, what are you doing with all you fucking millions of dollars? First of all you have $100,000 a thousand dollars you have hundreds of thousand dollars. I have tens of thousands of dollars. You have Hundred thousand dollars. I wish you have more than a hundred thousand dollars Are you talking about all everything like if we liquidated my mom like the payments And my mom don't say that again Let's get Trish The dishes are always

She's a little call. She's on a liquid die I had her number dude if you had my mom's number first off. I would immediately call my mom and be like what the fuck Bobby he's funny Stop stop it. We just stop it dear. And we play you know when he's in Tell you a comedy's where he's like this. Let me fucking he's married Nice. Oh, I like Don. Yeah, Max is my child. Did I find him? Don had a dead vagina.

So I remember how I told you I had a history with me while I hadn't put it back in. Yeah, Bobbi's wife's vagina died. So I birthed a little Maxi. Really, you got a brother? That's why he has such a big foie at you. Yeah, I help her out. Then I take care of my girl. You help her. That's why he is such a big boy. Yeah, I take care. I help her out. Then I take care of my girl. You help her. That's so sweet.

I mean, yeah, she's like a off those. I don't know if I said to the podcast, but she's off the books and they ain't me. Your grandmother, your mom. No, my mom. Is it? Yeah, I don't know. Probably not.

Let's pretend we didn't hear that. Yeah, kidding. Jokes, joke. She makes $300,000. No, she's fucking. She makes it. He's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, Google it doesn't even have a big party less than how much does Dan Soda make on billion less than 20 You make you make it tired so you make 1999 Prince money what it actually comes up how much does Dan Soda make on billions pretty good?

Let's see if we tell us if it's true. It's true or not. Oh, let's go. No Old is how who is Dan Soder? That's a good question. Where is that? That's what Max. Go back, go back, go back. Where's the say that? Who is Dan Soder? I look at this as third question. Dan Soder, Dan G. So, Dan G. Yeah.

In middle name, E. It's a hyphenated. What is it? Nailed it. Edwin Richard. I'm calling you Eddie from Noah. Eddie J. Eddie J. I'm calling you Eddie from know he's best know for his frequent. I call you Eddie from now on guy code guy code guy court has everybody had to have fun because we keep talking over each other's only three people in the room. It's you know what dude it wouldn't be a you know

what we talked over each other no it would try to regulate that's what you're best known for someone hasn't even listened in. She's been, that's what you know. She's in another world. I'm so tired. That's not true. I would love to be worth the million. Oh my God.

Where is it? It's as easy as a nail. They are, they have times my worth by four. Okay, first of all, let me say, I'm just gonna say something right now. I'm gonna say something right now. Look at me, don't blink, don't look away. Looking right at you, but.

You make $20,000 in this. No, I do not you went your head I'm like this swore to God. It's one of my dead five. You make fifteen thousand dollars a day. No, I do not Dude you slept with a guy. Yes Non-stop but fucking action to the I look at that the great one of the fuck That's such an old is that with the old old filter you look like you're doing cash cab that Shut up and Bailey I'm coming for you I'll be driving around New York and a fucking horse and carriage. I'll do cash carriage I made out with Amy next to a dumpster. Oh, yeah

You know who's supposed to do that role, Phil Hanley. But that wasn't in the movie, that's just how you got the role. Yeah, I just hung out with her. Bobby is warmed up. Listen, here's a deal. A dumpster guy. Here's a deal. Decent payrolls from Universal Pictures.

35, what the fuck? What's the answer? I get off this. So they're just reading on the air. You fucking toothed hearts. I'm fucking nerds. What's the answer? It's me. I get off this so they're just reading on the air. You fucking two thirds. I'm I We've been doing on the bonfire for four years.

Hey, oh wow, wow, wow, shut up. This is you know what dude. Listen, I want to talk about dead Daniel. What's his name again? Dead William Stevens. Wait, I was like dead soda. What? I'm not a ghost.

I I want to say good bye to him. What do you want us to dragging him in the room? I got a Ouija board. Oh, that's crazy. What if we could summon him? Do you have any ideas? I'll do. We just all felt sick.

It's just been one day. Can we wait till next week? We all wanted mashed potatoes and a coke. God. And then dessert, then salad, man's dressing. He's gone. And I want to say good bye to him. He was

You know, like you said, he was I love people that our Commudians are mean, but we for some reason you still love them and you like them and every time I saw him He was fucking great and he hosted great every time he hosted. I love the crowds He got him gone. He was old school comedy and he's gone and You know wherever you are dude whatever you believe I hope you're I hope you're making the angels laugh Music Great new em see haven't just got a have it just got a fucking cut to work the parks

Jesus is like this guy's crew of chrome budget Hi Jesus is like this guy's crew of crumb budget Hey Michael go sprinkle some wing dust on that man, cuz I don't want don't touch me I don't want your stupid wings. I was just outside the gate smoke cigarettes Or whatever you believe in Not trying to get all Gillette commercial on you what happened with that. No, no, it's a corny-ass commercial What happened and toxic masculinity? What happened with that? No, no, it's a corny ass commercial. What happened? And toxic masculinity. What happened? What is it? It's a fucking commercial. It's a dumb commercial. What commercial? It's just like they, they, Gillette, put out a like a stop rate.

Really? That's not like the name of the commercial. I love that that's it. The company is a Boston company too. Dude, they literally just unsegregated the whole town a year and a half ago. They were like, you know, fucking black dudes don't shave, right? Good, fucking Jelette and South Boston. If you're black, you get the bubbles on your neck. Listen, I'm fucking rub some oil, Cocoa but I something. Proctor and gamble owned Razor Company, used the Super Bowl ad to weigh in. Oh, so this is their Super Bowl ad.

Why are they dropping it now? The Super Bowl's going for three weeks. Maybe they're not going to use it anymore. I love them. They have no black guys in there. That's all white guys. No, the first dude's sort of like Icy-C, like Icy-C, over there, look at him.

And then all the way at the end, all the way at the end. That's another Icy-C. That's like some, that's an Icy-C. He's a little, he's not black. Did you stop, they have a black I stop a white guy from cat calling in this and you're like, oh, that's why can we please I'm okay as We're doing sure yo yo yo yo. Yeah, hey, that's a lady I'm a nice down day Nero

Former Pimp sure on whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa Cool yeah, I like him as an actor What oh bullying oh I can't It's been going on far too long. This just looks like a cool-ass commercial. It's someone who runs. I love these things. He touched his shoulder.

Stop! What I actually think what she meant is she needs to be fed I mean look at that it's like over the top sex is where he goes this plant needs water if he grabbed her tent went listen guys these are a couple a great put a hand on a shoulder who gives a fuck that's like a thing you taught to do and it's public speaking is to like a handshake or double handshake or how are you and we're gonna do this together that's like a maybe you should be the rest of the commercial i'm sorry i'm sorry he might rape with me i don't know let's see i probably see you in my life i probably should hold back

until i see anything i don't know bobby that touch gets a whole lot more serious around a minute 50 There's a whole court case in the last 30 seconds Jesus Oh God and there will be no going back Now they're trying to be inspiration We believe in the best in men We believe in eating pussy stop what? He what is he doing?

I don't know, but I just I just I fucking I said it on the bonfire or what was it, but it's totally true. Terry Cruz was just selling us old spice. He was just being like, yeah, he was just being like, where old spicy get pussy? And he's like, I don't mean it. I don't mean it. Be cool, oh, guys. Look at my kids. I can make them wiggle. Guys, I don't mean it. I'm't mean it. Be cool with him, guys. Look at my tits. I can make him wiggle. Guys, I don't mean it. I'm sorry. Do you smell too spicy? I'm sorry. I made you too spicy. Shave now.

Danny, I don't understand this. Why is Terry Cruz the guy that was supposed to listen to? Because he was, oh, what do you mean in the old spice commercial? Because he was raped by a man or he was selected as somebody of my men. Yeah, I think that's why he's in this commercial. That's his testimony for

when he got his when he got it over the pants hand job so basically Terry Cruz is a nerd even if it do gives you over the pants hand job you take it thank you I mean over the pants I'm sorry I'm sorry you're so homophobic that you can't take it over the pants how do you think

I got into the cellar dude a, a nice dust out. No, no, no, man, they both are over the pants. I don't mind if someone searches for my keys. That's what I call it. They search for my keys. I go that's it. That's it. That's it right there. And then I testify for Congress. So let's put it here to go. Come on. To say the right thing. To act the right way. Well, my cool, my cool. Hang on, stop.

What the fuck was that? What happened in here? What guy does that? They're so woke. Pro, pro. Stop it. Her poobies are not jigger. What guy?

I don't know how to write it. What? What guy goes, oh, I'm gonna fall. I mean all of that. I mean, I do this. I go old school squeaky. I go, hello, the vet. I go, hobo.

Yeah. Hot cha-cha-cha. Not cool, God. That's cool. How does this guy know what he's doing? How do they know each other? He was in the building. He walked out and seen a guy walking.

How does he know he's... He's going to go, how do you know that's not his wife? Yeah, he goes, that's my wife from the pole. You fucking asshole, don't touch me. This is how my wife and I keep it spiced. Go back to the video. Oh, cool. What are you doing?

What are you doing? Stop with your hipster shit? I'm gonna find a fucking cartoon from the 50s What here's you see this son you see that man in the front. He's weak. What's that? That's why the other boys are teaming up That's great right? Barbara Hughes? But some is not enough. What? Fight my son. He turns all the kids.

He goes, I got a kid for you to bully this one. This one. Yeah, that's great. Why would you want another kid beating up another kid? Oh, no, first of all. First of all, why did he- He deserved it. Why did-

Shut up, Liz! Stop talking over everybody! This come ours is too much. Oh, Liz shut the fuck up. Sorry, sorry, sorry. She's yapping. Sorry. Maybe if you shaved more. Listen, you wouldn't yell her.

I can't stand that they ended on a redhead. Why? Because I hate redhead. Say what I mean? If you shaved more, you wouldn't hate redheads. If you shaved a Gillette. Gillette doesn't believe in, are you wearing a face coat? Yes. It's called disco. What is that? Don't. You shaved at Gillette. Gillette doesn't believe in, are you wearing a wash face coat? What?

It's called disco. What is that? Don't, what's called fashion sweetie, look at that? Dude, if I go disco, you don't want it to happen. What? You don't want me to wear this coat inside out. All I want is for you to wear that coat inside out. It's called disco.

And that's when I feel a little down and I feel a little sad, I open my coat up. You're like, Mayeron. And I fucking disco. All right. Easy. Is that like emergency blankets? You know, it doesn't made out of?

Yeah. When like someone's in a really bad boat accident. It's actually made out of an old disco ball. Is it really? Yes. Yes. Dawn made it for me. That's pretty bad ass.

Yes. Because I like to dance. You have a glass coat. I dance, dude. And I dance when I want to feel bad. And I fucking turn my coat and it's pretty badass. Yeah, because I like to dance. You have a glass coat. I dance, dude, and I dance when I want to feel bad, and I fucking turn my coat and then set out, and I disco. I would pay all the money I have in the bank to watch you foot loose angry dance. Whoa! No, no, no, you got to hear me out. I want you to angry dance in an empty factory like Kevin Bacon in foot loose. Want you to angry dance in an empty factory like Kevin Bacon in footloos

No, it's not full studio Look at that gymnastics too Dude you look like a martian That's Bobby the Martian get it dude get it all those meals. That's a good turn. You right into it Look at that. I like it. I like this new dance and Bobby Oh, I wish That's not disco Dude how great would it be if you found out that Bobby had a second life is just a club kid?

You look like a retired club kid. You're like what happens with the DJ stop spinning I've always felt like inside. I was a dancer. I'll tell you this, if fucking move like one day. It was amazing. I always feel like inside I'm a dancer. You are one. You're a dancer in your heart.

And I mean this. Listen, you guys know me. I feel like I was a cowboy once. I feel like that, too. I feel like I could see it. And I feel like I could, if I had a shot, if somebody took me under their wing, I could dance. You think you could professionally dance.

Did you just see the moves I did? Sure. Like on a whim, not even a dancer. If I paid for dance lessons, could you and Jay learn the new edition dance? Jay thinks he seems to know it all of a sudden, but I think you two, What's the new edition dance? You bring up new edition from Live at the Apollo?

It's a pretty popular dance. I think they've done it in a couple of places, but I feel like you, Did you see what I just pulled off? I'm telling you right now, I think you, yeah, if it isn't love, that's the one. I feel like you and Jay, if we got two lessons, could do this. This is when they came back, but they still nailed the dance, but I feel like you can nail old, new addition this dance. No problem. Yes.

Are you nuts? I'll do that right now. No, you won't. I've've been I've been putting this challenge Do you got to do it that can you do this? You can do that Yes, you can do this. No, that's not that looks like he's it Two lessons two lessons it looks right now looks like he's working up You know you like Fuck it's all tingly. You could definitely dance, dude.

Let's get you and Jay together, and I will pay for a dance lesson. Now that you guys know my net worth, two dance lessons. You worth a million dollars. I won't let my grandma eat that month. And what is the grandma eating? Well, not a lot.

Most of the time, protein bars and weird assures. So your mother takes care of your grandmother no my grandma lives by herself Why he wants just pay with your millions? She has to live with her millions and she doesn't want to live 91 she wants to live by herself. She doesn't want to what? Live with his mom. Oh, they're not related. She's trying to die My mom's my mom's not gonna have her ex mother-in-law just fucking kicking it. Oh, it's your mom's dad's mom Your dad's mom, they don't like each other.

No, they like each other, but they don't love each other. They get a live together. Well, she's not gonna listen to this podcast, so be honest with me. Yeah, they don't love each other. No, they don't hate each other at all. My mom organized her 90s birthday party. No shit. Yeah.

So you help your grandmother and your mother? Yeah. How much is one more expensive? My grandma. She's more expensive. Man, take care of her monthly. What does more expensive. May I take care of her monthly? What does that mean? Like I take care of her bills.

All of them. What is she living at trailer or house? Oh, darn. What? Well, you're saying you're not a millionaire. All right, I mean, she lives in a fucking double wide. Not bad. For all those double wide people out there

that's technically a house. Don't get a mobile home. You live in a double wide just so you could fucking be trendy. Yeah, I actually live on a single wide up in Bushwick. I made my own log out of wood. Mm-hmm. There goes. That's something you would do.

What? You think you're a log out of wood? That is. Back off, Jezebel. Yeah, welcome back. Welcome back, Abby. Thank you. I brought some of that LA Spunk with you.

Cool. My mom, my mom's in a townhouse. That's Jersey fucking Spunk. Your mom lives in a townhouse. No, both of them do. Your grandmother lives, they live in the same townhouse. Oh, so you've been state. So you bought two townhouses.

No, I didn't buy anything. Both of those women bought their own respective townhouses. So you gave them money to buy the townhouse? No, I don't have that kind of money. I simply help with bills. So you pay their rent. They have more. You pay their rent. No. No. You pay their mortgage.

My grandmother, yes, I think I pay to your grandmother's mortgage. My mom's, my mom just needs to help occasionally. So you pay your grandmother's mortgage. I pay everything in the market. Electricity. Food. Cat food.

Dog food. So you pay the food. You pay everything for your grandmother. Yeah, yeah. Wow, that's good. She gets social security, so she gets that money. That's fucking great. Does she have friends? Drop a note who takes care of her nothing she's by herself So nobody takes care drives to the store Wow She drives 91

Fucking rocket it kicks my ass in Gin Rummy Wow So you stay with her when you go there. Yeah, that's why I don't own jerk off or smoke weed when I I guess there's my grandma. I hope you don't jerk off and you grandma this townhouse. Thank you. Okay, well hang out with a bunch of guys like Big J. Is there one better? Is there one better?

No, it's a two, it's a two bedroom. Three bedroom. Oh, three bedroom, three bedroom. Look at you, Billion. I didn't buy it, listen, she's had this since 1993. Oh, okay. So you don't do anything in that. You don't do, do you wash your testicles

uh... yeah i mean i would i think the shower i touch my balls in the show you you wash out like a radically wash my balls i just didn't have a way to do it not a radically wash your balls medicinally we go no good something about what is the little song no growth What is the little song? How do you do it? No gross. It's disnally.

This is my man bag. Jopie toxic. Jolette, talk me. You got it. I need to talk to you. I learned a lot. I learned a lot from my shaving products. Lizzy.

I'm sorry. When you wash your coach. Yeah. Do you radically wash it? No, I do. Do you think it's a cam girl? I go. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You got there. I don't know gross it. Liz, I, I go. Do you think it's a camera roll? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Yeah, you got there. Oh no, girls. Liz, let me ask you a question. If the soap by, like you're using the soap, the bar soap, right? No, I use, I use gel, like that stuff on a lufa thing. You lufa? Yeah, like fancy ass lufa.

You have the jyna? I don't know. I'm not like, you know, getting a speculum up in there and like inside my vag wall So you've looped but you can't use a looper on your vagina your asshole. I think it's it But you do that Because you're washing your face with that right? No, I don't wash my face So you don't touch your face with that, but you wash your titties with it So you get shit on you to get pushing shit on your face

I also don't walk around with like a shitty asshole. Not to dumb it down, but you get pussin' shit on your titts. So, do you walk around with a shitty bottle? Hi, I don't. I open my asshole up and clean it in the shower. You're like Jay.

I go like, that's fucking get in there. And I open it. Oh! No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, now, now, I don't go, you dirty bird. I don't go in the asshole. I go in the ass cheeks, open it up, and then I've taught my asshole to go like this.

Yeah, I do the weird, I do the weird ride, just take the soap on my hand, and I get in between the butt and the butt crack, and it goes like this. Yeah, yeah. It sounds like a safer, narjaking water. It's like, my asshole is like a... It's Becky Unwarks by the bathroom,

and he goes up, handful of butthole Liz when you when you wash your vagina Liz what Lizzy yes, yes, yes So do stop I got a cavernous butt Cavernous butt, dance odor. Lizzie, when you wash box, yeah. Are you vagina?

Yeah, my box. If the soap, if the soap, if you use the bar soap, if it turned into from washing it so much, into like a penis-shaped thing, would you ever think about putting it in? It's like a bar of soap up my bad. Have you ever done that? A bar of soap in my nose. Can I ask you, can I have a bar of soap up my bad. Have you ever done that? A bar of soap in my nose.

Can I have a knovest question as an outie and that doesn't have any? Sure. Would it burn if you found yourself? That's what I'm saying, with soap, yeah. Does it? Yeah. Oh, it burns inside your vagina.

That's how it double your soap. Hang on, one second. Maybe if you clean that dirty box once in a while, it wouldn't burn. Toxic masculine in it. Ho ho ho. I got to you, man. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Right, you know my shower I have a bench. I always have a bench. I know you owe me you fucked in my old child. I don't like that Don't wake at me like you bang my wife. I didn't bang your wife. Yeah, but you're basing lady friend Lady friend, you know, he had

He had a fucking old woman 48 six years old how old I believe she's in her mid 30s at the time. Now she's dead. I was in my late 20s. You were the prime of your life. I was in my late 20s drinking very heavily, watching after Robert Stoggs in Hell's Kitchen. So I put my pants.

Same time. Like, pants. Yeah, and he's getting his kitchen remodeled, but they had a freezer in there. So that's where I put all the Ben and Jerry's. We're eating a lot of Ben and Jerry's. I was a rabbit alcoholic. And if I didn't drink out any sugar, I was a pothead. But I was smoking weed in your bathroom under the fan and it was very bad. You're not supposed to smoke weed in my house. I've smoked outside. I forgot. But you're supposed to fuck in my house either You first off no you did this and we have you can go back to old you know what dudes to prove this

You said I wasn't supposed to do that. I was like dude. I'm sorry and you go I'm fucking kidding I told you if you didn't you didn't do it in my bed. I think could you imagine if you fucked in your bed? You would kill me. Yeah, I'm still a fuck in your bed. What? Yeah You said she washed the sheets and you're what dude said on the episode it was one the terrible matter remember that I remember that look it up You know what dude fans are known I'm talking about what came out of Regina oil. I don't know fucking Vegemite Still got enough laughs not get the bomb Dana I

I think it's me washing my bottle. It's how big my bottle is. I got a big old butt. God, that dog. He has a franchise. Dude, what I do is I get in the shower. Laffable.com is a fantastic app. It's great. If you have anything podcasting you should get laughable.

I was in the shower. Yes. And any time I take a shower, what I might my thing is this If go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. Mm-hmm. All my stuff is up there. What just came out? What just came out what I do. Oh live from the shed with David Bryan Who is Gabby's dad? Oh? What a fucking episode what I can't I was a little nervous when we were doing it when she she say with David Bryan, who is Gabby's dad. Oh. What a fucking episode.

What, I can't, he was a little nervous when we were doing it when she, he said, yeah. He's for real, for real famous. Well, he's fucking fainting. I've seen him play a couple times. He's your dad though. Yeah.

You know, like you're like, I read that. Dude, guy shows up. What a fucking, I mean, just a dude. I mean, what's up? No fucking, no weirdness. No nothing shows up. What's up, what a fucking, I mean, just a dude. I mean, what's up? No fucking, no weirdness, no nothing, shows up, what's up, man? Comes in, sits down, fucking shoots the shit.

Doesn't look you in the eyes, tells you to speak to his feet. Real guy's guy. We had to actually shoot the whole thing with me off camera. Yeah. He walks in the shed, he goes, I'm not touching this thing. Gabby had to ask the questions to him. She goes, Dad, he goes, there's my little angel. He goes, who's this monster talking to me? I don't want him to touch me. Why is he sweating already? Oh God, this upsets me.

Did you get my toffee fair that I requested? I need a face massage. I'm upset. I'm sure I should. Maybe I had a tiny stroke. Maybe you guys are out of walking. I had a friend say that once. Yeah. He's downstairs. I just bet I'm $100 on the Saints' fucking brand scale.

Well, he is gonna clean up his weekend. He was an unbelievable episode. He fucking took Max's keyboard and just started playing the hits. Yeah, I've seen it. It's fucked up. I mean, he played runaway on Max's that's what That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's. The guy's going, now walk back. Yeah. I mean, listen, the whole fucking bond, Joey Crew. Oh, they could all get it. Has got nice asses. Yeah, those jeans.

I don't understand. I mean, he still dresses fucking great. Yeah. I mean, great. Rockstar, rockstar is always dress cool. And comics always dress like shit. Yeah cool and comics always dress like shit. Yeah. Always dress like shit.

Look at that. Wow. Look at those pants. They all dress fucking like pirates. Look at it. Look at a dad. I want that jacket. Does he still have that?

What are you? Was he a pro? Was he a pro? You have a fun thing. My dad is actually in a gay army reenactment. He doesn't get warry in action. If you're not saluting me with your cock in eight seconds you're out of this military. Oh, that's insubordination. Don't let John see you. Drop and give me five neck foam. Open your asshole like a dolphin hole. Oh man, I'm just thinking of I'm just

thinking of how sweaty and claiming their butt cheeks are and those fucking pants. Let's not bust. Yeah, just taking that off. Excuse me, we need a store with belts. Big belts. Yeah. That is fucking impressive.

And that got a lot of women. That hair. Did your parents meet before your dad was in Bon Jovi? Yeah, high school. Fuck, dude, that's a solid dude. You come from good. He's a good, that's what I'm trying to say. He, I can't say something. I was trying to say that. I just want to say he's good with money. I just want to say to all of my representation that I didn't agree with anything that these people are saying. You want to talk about Rich. Because here's why he's rich. He writes music.

Yeah, he's got those fucking publishing rights. Yeah, but her father is, he's a genius. He's not, he's not, he could have done, he was gonna be a doctor. He's just smart. So my theory about all famous rock stars, our nerds with long hair is absolutely true. He yeah, he's a nerd with long hair. If he never if he never picked up music or the piano, he would just be a

doctor somewhere. Just saving lives. You pancreas instead. He's making lives. Yeah, be cracking. Just music right there. Damn it. Did did you or your brother ever feel like like did you guys want to go into music? I feel like intimidated to go into music. Oh, we both did it. I did it in high school pretty seriously And she's a bond joe v. It is really yeah, you see your videos what videos it? I don't remember this album Which what the video she's in that she's just on a front porch and they're all like in a bonfire and this again This happy friends and she's just It really just hanging out at a music video.

And so that's so much cooler than just hanging out at the liquor store that your dad worked at. Mm-hmm. Well, you're doing a music video? I go, no, but I'm pretty sure I watch my dad fucking siphon off bottles of Bacardi and it was on guard. My father just just leave me in a holding sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I had it. Really? So much goddamn sense if you know that Liz Foring her personality in a holding so that's why she's so well Like go to work with Amelia and my father was a detective I Detectives like the show on HBO or showtime. No, this wasn't fun. This was real good. What kind of detective? He was, I wanna say a homicide detective. You're a homicide detective. Murder police.

Detective, yeah, so we'd go visit him at the precinct, like go to work. When you were a kid, and you were the whole thing, though. Yeah, the detective's wife. No, no, no, no. Like, all the politics. Like, you just leave me.

Let's get it there and get the truth out of him So good at that. Did you guys when you were kids and you tried to like lie to him? Would he pull full detective would he be like coming in your room? No, no he was Cleaned up. No, I could see exactly what's going on. I can still Forging signature Good you could forge a signature. I still can. Can you get that?

Can you get someone out of jail using it? You go, as I'll write you off, don't worry. Liz, the movie Meet the Parents. Yes. I walked out of the theater. Because it was your dad. Because that is Emilio. Really?

100% Emilio. I literally was down, I got to go. Emilio, talk to me. Does he make you talk? Call him Emilio? No, I've always called my parents by their first names. That's so weird. Close me away with the first time you see that. As a person, when you see your friend call their parents

by their first name, you're like, what kind of fucking level are you on? Oh, as a kid, like as a tiny, because you'd be in the supermarket. Like, mom, mom, eight women would turn around. Max came with me the other day. He slapped me on the belly. He goes, what's up, Bob?

That's great. Yeah. I didn't know what the five was at? That's great. I didn't know what the five was at. I didn't even answer it. I was running. I went, I went, I went, I went, don't. Dude, Max, Max, you're like a coworker now. He goes, Bobby Boy, what's going on with the food sit?

You guys, I'm waking up from a nap. You know, I am cranky. Where's your wife? You mean mom? Yeah, whatever. Huh? You guys I'm waking up from a nap and I am cranky. Where's your wife? You mean mom? Yeah, whatever. A gassy. I need that chocolate milk ASAP. It goes back.

Dude, I got a hanker for some choco milk. So, I don't know, you want me to get it? You want me to get it? If I pour, it's going to go everywhere. He's a fucking loves Liz. I love my kids. It's sickening. It's great.

Fucking sickening how much he loves Liz. He will talk about Liz like at home. Really? I love my Sickning great fucking sickning how much he loves Liz He was talk about Liz like at home really if I say I'm going to the city because you're gonna see Liz No, yeah, yes, he's the best you get said. Let me ask question Lizzie your father Patreon dot com slash Robert Kelly. Yes, sorry about the mix up Zach Say sorry sorry I'm sorry about the mix up. Zach, say sorry. Sorry. Zach did not upload all the shit in the last three weeks. Oh.

It's not a son of a bitch. So I got literally fucking people just dropping off and hate me on them. I'm like, well, you know, it couldn't last forever. I mean, I'm not that interesting. And then I started reading them today. Because I, you know, my I mean, I'm not that interesting. And then I started reading them today, because I, you know, I'm not a stuffed, stepped dad died in the holidays.

I was a little, what's the word I'm looking for? Preserved. No. No. I was a little overwhelmed. No. I was a little disappointed. No, I was.

I was dapp, but not that's not the word. I was a little, I had a lot on my, I was a little disappointed. No, that was that, but not definitely. I was a little, I had a lot on my, I was a little overwhelmed. No, that was intense. Preoccupied. Oh. Oh. Damn, I'm so much. I'm so tired, I'm just so. I'm happy it to get to So tired I'm just I'm happy was just preoccupied

No normal man, and that was so much Bobby I love you so much Also, why did I get jealous that max like lose so much that I'm like I'm a fucking get in there Gabby's put in time well my neck Well, he does he does love Gabby. Gabby, Gabby did some weird shit. Oh, no. Not like, not Gillette weird shit. Are you causing toxic masculinity, shave?

Gabby, why are you changing Max? I'm showing him a woman can do whatever a man does. Max, fight me. Yeah, no, no, no. Let's wrestle. No, because Gabby first of all got tickets to Bon Jovi at Madison's Garden, right? Yeah.

We get it, you wanna fuck us or dad? Oh no, Jesus Christ. Yeah, you're leaning on thick. Oh, well we showed up. Gabby, Gabby's dressed like a rock star. She's got some fucking crazy John Mayer hat. She's wearing black. She's like Mayer hat.

Whatever, she is dressed. I mean, she looks like a rock star. Like she looks like she's going out to sing, right? And Max, like he had a mohawk, he dyed it red. He had, he was, he really prepared for this concert. He wanted to look as good as he could. And then he saw Gabby and he, I think he fell in love a little bit.

Like, I remember he just left me and took her hand. And I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, Piper hat, that's what kids follow you at. Yeah, that's like Jon most pedophiles where those ads. Yeah, detectives and pedophiles, oddly enough. So she just took them and he was with her. It was crazy and then she grabbed them and he took them up, while he was singing songs and she's dancing with them. I think he kind of found love that. Oh, done, he's done.

He was locked in. Are you kidding me? Older lady treating him like a man. Oh, yeah. Favorite person of his friend of mine Not no no Nope Conquered see cute see cute coming through for the wind He calls

Next call me funny call me a fat Mac I mean that's gotta be max will hit the floor crackin Dude what if that's Collins next hour is worked out just with Max Directed by Jerry Seinfeld Colin Quinn in knuckle bite I know knuckle bite Know I got you know just max giggling. It's just him in the audience. He's directed by max Kelly What the fuck is my kids voice? But again if your son's voice is that deep at five years old Little Asian was wrong being a little Asian boy.

Gillette, nothing. Is role in Asian boys. We're all Asian. Everyone's agile and hairless. You're eating that. Oh. You're eating that. I'm gonna be this week.

Where am I this week? I'm at the Chicago one night, Friday night, Chicago Lafactory. Good to you. So get your tickets, because I think half of it sold already, i'm at the uh... chicago one night friday night chicago laugh factory so get your tickets because i think half of its old already actually three quarters sold so and then uh... saturday and i'm at the nancy mishkin first shows already sold out

there's uh... second show available now dear number and then the funny bone all but he and i will be opening up for somebody very secretive and and uh... in uh, in, uh, Nyak. Oh, all right. So don't go leaking their set.

Oh, no, again. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no on the street, black people. Yeah. Ah. Fuck a shit in her cut. I hate trans. Ah. Ah, did you remember when we were in Chicago and we did that, you know what, dude episode and there was a ghost in my room. And you freaked me out to the point where I could not say you had a move room.

It's still on my laptop. What is that? Old school, you know what, dude episode from 2012. What, now, why are you all throwbacky today? Everything is, because I like the past. No, I'm looking at the past. Why I love Liz, is she's like her dad, observant. Thanks.

Cool, what else have I brought up from the past? Detective in your blood. You fucking the chick in the shower, fucking the past in your bed. Very sweet. Fucking someone in Bobby's bed. Oh, you know what, dude, the regulars, which is a pretty great time period in the show.

Great bringing up the hits. You know the pussycat is haunted too, right? Why? someone in Bobby's bed. Oh, you know what, dude, the regulars, which is a pretty great time period in the show, great bringing up the hits. You know, the pussycat is haunted too, right? Why? You know the pussycat's haunted. Yeah, and I won't go up to that fucking room anymore. And I feel weird with him. And I don't like when the light, I don't like when the light,

will Bobby get smell ghosts? Are you serious? I can smell ghosts. Okay, then how do you not smell the pussycat or does it just smell like? Do you have a grandmother? No. Oh, well, you know anybody with a grandmother? Yeah. I smell her pussy. And that's what goes smell like.

But the old mothball pussy. We did it. We did like a, you know what dude on this like, I wasn't on a snow globe was it? It was on. Yeah, I was snow. I was snow on a snow globe was it it was on yeah I was no all the microphone microphone was like one of those it was a magic a ball magic Yeah, we asked what do you want and it said ask it later But in the hotel room Bobby's like I could smell ghosts did yeah, I could smell ghosts and then in the middle of the fucking recording It's like it's like this fucked up noise. Yeah, I got dude. I couldn't sleep. I got so drunk because I couldn't

The mini bar and just started getting a lot of I'm gonna fucking drink till I sleep and I just woke up very hungover Well going a lot of money goes don't fuck with drunk people. They don't Dude I like that he just said that so confidently he just said that you were like drunk people don't fuck with ghosts. He goes, no, it's true Somewhere Madelo, that is 100% that's true. I've never dealt with a ghost and I have a bad drinking problem Did I show you the video from the VIP room? No, can we hit can we bring it up on the screen? Yeah, how do you who do you email to to give it to? It's just going with the light. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Zach, say sorry again to the Patreon fans.

Sorry again. Oh. Don't make him do that. That makes me sad. Zach, next thing. Zach, I like Zach. I love Zach. Zach, you do.

Look at me. I love Zach. So, I feel bad. He fucked the Patreon people. Zach, that's why you say sorry to W's instead of R's. Sawi. Sawi. Hey.

Come on, if you'd have a heart, how do you know if you don't know that? I sent me, I looked at it with the fans of the Patreon who were members were like, what the fuck, three weeks? They were like, dude, I paid to get the episodes first. Give them his email address. Let them send emails. ¡Ahhh!

¡That's what I would do! No, I'm actually... ¡Es por un número! ¡I put up an ad today, and they all responded! ¡Thank you! Thought to replace that. I gotta find this video.

I can't replace that. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, numentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras

desesperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán, a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Zarifa sujeta a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Um... ...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... I was in a hotel in the fuck is Louisville. Louisville, the hotel they put you in Louisville. All right. For the...

Carpet house. Okay. There's a... it's an old hotel in Louisville, downtown Louisville. How is the Al Capone used to stay there? Okay. Has Al Capone room in the Oak Room. It was called. But that a back room where Al Capone would have his meetings and in the corner where he sat

there's a A hidden doorway that goes into the basement and goes into a tunnel that takes you a mile out over to the water the river Great so if somebody was attacking him or starting to shoot up the place He could just slip into this tunnel downstairs run all the way to the river and get the fuck off the cops are coming. That's awesome. Um, yeah, and that's it. And they said the lady in blue, the seal box hotel. It's beautiful.

The seal box Hilton. The lady in blue on the, I forget what Florida is. Yeah, the ghost lady blue right there. One of the most tragic stories revolves around the ghost known as the lady in blue. Those have seen her ghost. I mean, people see her all the time, state that she looks extremely unhappy. Although there are different stories regarding what happened to the Lady and Blue, the only thing that remains the same is her body was found in an elevator shaft.

So I go up to the top floor where they have these massive rooms with these massive or Nate curtains. Yeah. From just back in. I'm in. I'm getting out of the elevator. Nobody's up there. It's 12.31 at night. I get out. I'm walking around these huge hallways of the hotel with these massive curtains. I go into a ballroom. There's nobody there. That's scary as fuck already. Oh my god. As I walk through the curtain into the ballroom, the hairs on my arm stand on end. Like I'm spider-man.

Yeah. I literally went, oh god. I walked through the ballroom. Like I had a shit in my pants. No, no, no. I walked through the ballroom. I go to another door. I get hung up because I have to go back the way I came.

I look on my own literally like electricity. Yeah. Is in my fucking, and I have to go back to where The power room to where to the elevator the fucking elevator with the bitch die Not a bitch. Gillette has taught me better Fuck me out man that fuck me up my mom in college. She worked at the Stanley hotel Which is the basis of the overlook in the shining? Yeah, my me out, man. That'd fuck me out. My mom in college, she worked at the Stanley Hotel, which is the basis of the overlook in the shining. Yeah. My mom was like growing up whenever I was like, oh, they're ghosts. My mom's like, fuck yeah. Like she would never lie to me as a kid. She's like, there's ghosts. She's like, I worked at the Stanley. She's like, there was like, I think my mom said,

there was three different ghosts in the Stanley. There was one that would move shit around in the dining room. My mom said she was a waitress and she closed down one night and then came back the next morning to open for breakfast and all the chairs were stacked on the table. And she was like, I locked the door and she was like, I was the only one that could get in there. Charlie, Charlie good.

Here it is. Charlie, good night to some on it. Charlie upstairs. Upstairs. Upstairs. Is it upstairs in the bad by the bathroom? Yes, dude, I fucking not joking I went up there and took a piss and it's the most freaked out of ever been in my life Where they video of it dude?

Okay, the security footage Bathroom upstairs Okay, the security footage. Okay. Did you find it? Yeah. Bathroom upstairs. Can you send it? Yeah. Who is she sent us? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, yeah, it flies off the bar in the back by where the comics are. Yeah, smash is on the ground My first weekend ever working there. I was upstairs. You know you can go up the the fire escape to go piss upstairs So I went and you walk through the kitchen then you go through that bar area to the bathroom

Yeah, I'm in the bathroom pissing and I'm like something feels weird and then the light was like And I was like hot and then the light in the hallway went off and went on and I was like He's like, and the light in the hallway went off and went on and I was like, ah, I just fucking booked it. And then I was like, I'm being a pussy. And I talked to the manager, I go, is it haunted? And she goes, oh yeah.

And I was like, what do you mean, oh yeah, she went upstairs. I was like, that's where I fucking, I didn't like really see, just the light went off and I thought I was being a pussy. It's the whole building around the corner. The pussy got the underground. I don't believe it. I fucking hate it.

But I've seen it. Yeah, Liz I do not believe it if you've seen it because it fucking pisses me off. I love Terrified and I've seen like I've seen ghosts in there Really I have seen shit. Yeah, what do they look like and many people have what I bet you haven't seen a black host No, they never see black It's always a white lady Most of us that have seen should have seen dudes like I'm yeah, we're all like just a guy walking around I have them then never I've never seen it. You've never seen a Chinese ghost like an Asian ghost true

You've never never never said I seen a black lady or what about dude? What about a fat ghost? They never saw a fat ghost. There's no overweight ghost. They're always in shape. There's no fat ghost. There's no fat ghost. Yeah. I grew up in a really haunted house. Really? A really haunted house. Yeah. How really? My parents saw ghosts all the time, girl. Did you? No, I never saw anything. Are you a ghost? Yeah. Is that why you didn't see it? Yeah. No, I never saw anything. Are you a ghost? Yeah. Is that why you didn't see it? Yeah.

I'm white as a ghost. She is a ghost. If she showed up, just in like all white and so. What if you went to kiss her? She just turned old. She's just been come. She's been here for a while. Like the shiny.

All right. So I'm going to explain the video. All right. So this is the video. Stop, stop, stop, stop. We've got to slow down. Wait. Stop.

I got to set this up. This is real. I'm going to up. This is real haunting footage. Surveillance video from the Pussycat, which is around the corner. This is the comedy show's third room. It's the smallest room. This is the VIP. It's before you see, it's before we started.

Before you press play. But this is where all the comics usually sit. Like when calls, movies and shows, go comics usually sit like when calls from the show. Yeah. Go upstairs. You sit up there in the dark. You don't even know what's happening. Okay, let's go. So this was this was a few years ago. It was like I'd say it's about five in the morning at this point. There were people up there until like 4.34 4.45 in the morning. The manager went walk through everything, lock the door, left. So the next day we come in, and one of the lights

are broken, and Noam has a full on attack. He's like, who broke the light? Something had happened. Somebody had to do it. I don't understand. It's a terrible Noam. Well, sorry. There's the three pendant lights that

are hanging from the ceiling. They're all three hanging on individual chains from the ceiling. There's someone's apartment upstairs. Again, it's five in the morning, so it's not like, you know, they're running around, et cetera, et cetera. So this is what we saw. Is it, now that's the time?

It says 2.24 in the morning. Mm, where? Up in the corner. Oh, yeah. No, it was later than that time stamps wrong. Okay. This was after we closed, because the lights, you can see the lights are on stamps wrong. Okay. This was after we closed because the lights,

you can see the lights are on the left. Okay, so hit play. You notice the other two pendant lights don't even move. Just all of a sudden out of nowhere, this fucking light goes shake, shake, shake, and then the globe on it falls and breaks. What's happening right now? It's just the light still swinging.

And the other two lights are just static What is that red shit that's the when you know that it hits it goes from black and white to color Wayma go back. Slow mo that can you slow that just scroll it? Oh, whoa wait a minute go back go back look it wait wait wait wait wait go back a little bit more back, go back. Look it, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, go back a little bit more. Okay, go back. What if it was you, you know, look at that, wait a minute now, guys, guys, you have to look at the tilt.

Now here's the thing, if that, if that light bulb, if that had just fallen off, it would just fall off, wouldn't it? Yeah, it just would have fallen. Okay, now go back just a little more. That's the beginning of it, would have fallen. Okay, now go back just a little more. That's the beginning of it, yeah. It's swing. I said go back a little more.

That's, go back. Right there, that's great. The lights. Okay, next. They, all right, go. The light, look at, you see that moving? You see it moving?

You see it's moving. Somebody picked it up. The other two lights, not moving at all, nothing. Wow. So you can't be like, it's someone walking around upstairs. Somebody move that, look at that chain, look at the chain. You wanna go to VIP soda? No.

Why does it do that? Why does the video do that? It because it's a- Oh, that's just me going back and forth. No, no, no, there's a little thing right there. Right there, what is that? What is that? That's something, that is something, there's a little thing right there. Right there. What is that? What is that? That's something. That is something.

That's energy. Look in the UCLA face. Did I win the sleep? You know how much you're the fuck me up? I'm like sweating. My hands are hurting. Guys, you can see the lady's face. Yeah.

Look inside this, she's naked. Well, that's not very proper. She's saying, wait a minute, she's saying, Dad, it's Williams. It's Nanna. I'm for me for the future shut up, Bobby. Light stupid. Damn, that's fucking crazy, right?

We lived in a house in Connecticut that was haunted, and my grandma came to visit the same one that- Find some haunted stuff on YouTube. Oh, haunted. I like it. I think I've heard your audience. H haunted. Oh yeah.

But my grandma, our guest room was in the basement. My dad was a bartender, so he got home really late. My grandma was like, yeah, I heard you got home last night, like 130, but I was like, I got home at like 430. Wow. My grandma was like, you were walking up and down the stairs and my mom was like, yeah, our house is haunted. She's like, I should tell you right now,

our house is haunted. Don't type in a haunted hotel. I type in haunted shit. Wondent shit on YouTube. All the things. My dad has a story where he was playing piano and my mom was watching him play piano in this giant, we had a big open living room.

And they said all of the sudden ghosts, I mean, they could have been on acid. But a ghost started appearing and ballroom dancing through him and they both saw it. That's crazy. And we live in like the battle of Mommoth was my area. Like our backyard was the hospital grounds. Like, no, shit.

That's why I don't know how people fucking live in St. Vincent's on 7th Avenue that used to be a hospital. And now it's luxury fucking condos. How do you do that? Do you play a piano in my house? You're living in an operating room. And you just feel people watching you. That's fucking crazy.

You could literally feel it. You know Roosevelt Island was all like the mental institutions and on one end They don't fuck with that one thing like all yeah, they don't fuck with that one thing which has to tell you started to though They that has to tell you that some real fucked up shit happened and they're like we can't develop here This is fucking place used to be a mental hospital. Yeah, because they it's like if you look on the south side of the island Yep, it's all in the north side all developed and then the south side of the island. Yep, it's all in the north side. It's all developed. And then the south side of the island is like, they're like, fuck, we fucked up. I don't know.

It's crazy. Oh my god. Let's go back. Let's go back. Go back to this lady. I'm not gonna be able to sleep. I'm just watching this. This is a far-stop.

Okay, look at that shit. Look at the pillow up in the corner though. Look at the sheets up in the corner. What is that? Oh, bitch. What is she doing? She's a security up in the corner. What is that? Oh bitch. What is she gonna do? Security camera in her room. Yeah, but listen, yeah, you know what? Let me see. Can I say something?

That looks like that's fake because it's like she's smoking. Why? That should be some fat lady camera in her room. That should be a middle-aged woman. Yeah, she's not some sort. Ah! I can't watch that. I go through I go. Oh, tough scary. What's that? That's an earthquake.

Yeah, you just got shitty foundation. I can't scroll through that. You. Yeah. I mean, I was. I was just good stories will scare me more than anything. Right. What? This is scary. No, there's little kids don't lie.

If Max came in and was like, why is there a sad man watching you? Can I say something to you? Can I say something? Yeah, of course. It's podcasting. When we moved into the house, we got a smoking posthus. We got a smoking deal on the house because the lady who lived there had passed. Yeah.

And the sons were carrying the mortgage. Yeah. So we stepped in and just crushed them. But that I'm getting. We murdered him in the back. Yeah. We're like, we're going to be 10 bucks. Get this off you. This place is a gate. So sure. We took the house, whatever I heard in the last 10 years. I heard in the last 10 years Say hi This better be a fuck at a solid phone call Because there's a you live on the air. What's up buddy? Oh? What are you doing we're doing the podcast upstairs? What are you where you oh?

Fuck I'm sorry dude. I forgot oh, we don't swear anymore. I don't you didn't see the Gillette commercial I don't you sit in Europe he didn't swear anymore Who's on the podcast? It leads to toxic masculinity. Dan Soda, a lovely list, my favorite person in the world. That's all. Oh, nice. And Gabs is on the phone.

And we got a lot of backies here. Mike is here. Put the point. Oh, Zach is here. Say, Zari's here. Come on. There's a couple ghosts. Where are you? Where are you a couple ghosts where you where you I

Love how you said you're taking it down to only two guests you list off like fucking nine other people But he first of all Zach and my fucking listen first First You can't count the people that work on the show you fucking ass All you gotta do to get on that show is check spot. You love the show and you love to be in there. All right, I got a garden to go.

I don't need to take your whole shit. You want to smoke or no, you can't smoke, right? Like what are you talking about? What am I? Yes, I can smoke. No, but I'm almost up at your house. So we're going to have to do it another time. What's up, Danny?

What's up, Liz? All right. What's up? Hello. Why are you at my house? I know I'm going up by your house so we're gonna have to do it another time. What's up Danny? What's up Liz? All right, what are you doing? Why are you at my house? I know I'm going up by your way. Why are you going up by my way? No, I'm not going to your fucking house.

I'm sorry. We're just learning the Bobby's house's content. I'm fucking that direction. What do you mean direction? Oh, you want to get me riled up? We're talking about haunted houses, dude. Hunted. Oh my gosh.

Now? Right now? Late at night? When the two of us have to lie. You want us to wait for Halloween? I don't know. Why are you doing it now when the moon is out and can hear all our secrets

Verzy are you alright? Yeah, I'm good. All right. I'm afraid to go peanut. All right, listen Start off like that and then just that? What do you mean? What was that? Where are you? How do you see kids start off like that and then just fucking end it? What do you mean end it? What do you want me to do? You guys work this out? Are you there? Are you all right? I go, yeah, I'm here and then you go, oh, all right. And you go, all right, bye. Like, what's the fuck was that?

Well, I said we're talking about haunted houses. Do you have any haunted things? No, but because of that, no. What do you mean no? Why are you going to send me that? I'm going to send him him the video. I'm gonna tell him about the pussycat. All right, she sent you a video of the pussycat. There's a ghost that lives in the pussycat. More than one. No, yes. Yeah, I know. And it pisses me off. She sent it. Liz gets mad at ghost because she's a fucking lunatic. I am. But yeah. Yeah. Keep this with me.

There was a movie theater once where they said they kept seeing this usher going up and down that like didn't exist like a ghost. And then I never went back there. So I'm afraid of that shit. Send it. She's sending you a video right now. All right. I just texted to him.

I just texted. I hope you guys have a great rest of your podcast and thank you, buddy. I'll talk to you soon. I'll talk to you later, buddy. Bye. Bye. We should do a what? Brooklyn. Okay, yeah, let's do it. Okay, guys, one of our sponsors of the show, please stick around for this. Don't skip in front. I don't have my glasses, but we're going to read it. What's this? Oh, thanks. Gab's Gab's is the best.

Look, you spent a 30-year life in bed. That's it, you spent them in your sheets. So if you're looking for a new year's resolution, better sleep is a good place to start. The new year in New York with new sheets. What are you laughing at? Nothing. I don't have my glasses, Liz.

I know. So help me out. All right. I have these sheets in my bed at three pairs. They sent me one. I bought two. It's good sleeping. Talk about the incredible feeling of a five star hotel sheets

and how it shouldn't be so difficult. Listen, you're reading, Liz. It's you talking not me, you have the sheets. You're reading what I should be saying. I know. You dumb dumb. You have the sheets. Are they really that good?

Liz. Get me sheets. I do, I swear to God I have them in my bed. They sent me a pair when they first started being a sponsor of the podcast. Am I put them, I gave them my wife. She was like, she gets mad, you know, don't. She gets mad.

I get stuff from sponsors and she's like, I'm not fucking, we're not gonna put that in your own set, yeah. I gave her the sheets, she flipped out. Love them? Fliped out. Love them. She put them right on the bed.

She's then she ordered more. She goes, what's your code? I go, why? You like them now? She goes, yeah, give me the code. So I gave her the code that we use. And she got the Brooklyn. She got two more pairs.

They're so soft. Everything about them is comfortable. Okay, and it makes your bed. I love getting into my bed. I love my bed. How great is your bed. I love getting into my bed. I love my bed How great is your bed? Yeah, we didn't get the little one. They have classic oh Piccale whatever that is we got the classic and we got the luxe the luxe team and the last team

Yeah, I love my sheets and you know it. It's a great gift somebody's birthday get them sheets Yeah, I don't get bad size and get them these sheets. It's a good. That's a good good thing that no one would think to buy themselves Yeah, that is a good yeah, nobody buys them sub sheets Nobody buys them so pillowcases and devolves Duvase It was named winner of best online betting, okay? At good housekeeping They have 30,000 five star reviews and a half a million happy sleepers

Encounting that's crazy Brooklyn and calm they're unbelievable. I love them. What else Liz? You you can get $20 off And free shipping. Oh shit. When you use promo code, what dude? Here's the thing is that they're not expensive because they cut out the middle man, they just go straight to us. Wait, they have towels? They have towels.

They have towels. They have bathrooms. Oh, they have towels. I want towels. I want towels too. Those towels actually look really flaky. Super plush. They got so much stuff at Brooklyn. Go there. Go to the the website pick out the stuff

You want and then what do they do free shipping a $20 off you get $20 off and free shipping How do they do a cabbie promo code what dude at Brooklyn and dot com that's b r o o k l i n e n Com look at you want to make you man happy you want to send me a gift What send me a gift? What? Send me a gift. It's smart. Send Liz a gift. Send Liz to.

Send Liz to. What do you? Yeah, tells, or where I have a queen-sized bed. Liz, you get $20 or $10. You get $20. Liz, you make big ascended here to the comedy set. You have to send it to Robert Kelly. No.

For Liz. OK, yeah, that's fine. You have to send it to me. And a bathroom For Liz. Okay. Yeah. That's fine. You have to send it to me. And a bathroom. But I'll get it first. Oh my God. I want a bathrobe. And a bathrobe. Let me see the bathroom. Gabby wants a bathrobe. I want a bathrobe. Send Liz and Gabby gifts. But I really would love a bathrobe or towels. I could call on KWD and I like Riot cast a big bathroom. No, no, no, no, no, that's not how it works.

Stop using it. Stop it that's not how it works. Stop using it. Stop it. That's how it works. If you want to send them something, $20 off to the 17, what's this place? 117 McDougal Street. Yes. New York, New York, 100. Robert Kelly, YKWD podcast.

Comedy selling. Via Liz of Via Gabby. No, four Liz and Gabby. How do you say that again? Four Liz. No, what's the way you're supposed to say it in care of In care of it'll be in care of you What colors what colors they have they have three colors I like the gray the gray What colors what colors do they have they have three colors? I like the great a great

Okay, we're done. Okay, sorry Brooklyn and calm Gabby just likes she likes people giving her stuff. I'm a jealous gift I'm a Jew I like free Apparently somebody to watch the fucking July commercial you're right. You're right. It's toxic masculinity That's toxic that's toxic things. How do you say it? Talks about masculinity. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about.

Talks about. Talks about masculinity. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about.

Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. Talks about. I like the Hey, I would know no come on. I would like the silver

Robs silver robes silver robes I don't know I'll tell you that Three You're I want to Take it back Brooklyn Stop

Stop being loose Stop Stop Stop doing That's a real doggy thing to do. That was really shit. That was real ass dude now. Yeah, I'm sorry.

Mark that. You know, fucking lose my spot. That's all they want. Yeah, they will. You know, crazy shit, Jay and I have said on the radio, what is your plan? You guys have almost lost your job so many times. You have a million, not you, not you, not you.

They can't touch us for untouchable. Who do I have to do for? No problem. No, it's untouchable. No. Who do I have to do for? No problem. No, it's untouchable. They'll find us so far. And our heart beat. They do not like us. Yeah, we know.

We know. We do not care for us. You know, every time I walk in a series XM, your face is never on that big screen. Who's is them? Who's is? Nikki Glazer. There you go.

There you go. Comedy Central. Patreon. Get ready for two whales. Am I joining it? Oh, come on, baby, you might know. Oh, no. So you bought you, call me a fucking rhino. Cause it's perfect.

Don't call me a rhino. And right before the male rhino challenges. I don't like rhinos out, you know. I'd rather take elephant, baby elephant. Okay. You are such a cutie pie. Thank you. So you buy it off white rhino.

Don't bring up rhino, you fucking... How fucking trash. I'm trying to... I want my fucking wharnies and good for male fertility. Oh, yeah. Baba. Baba. Baba.

Baba. Baba. Baba. Baba. Baba. Baba. Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbe the baby! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo!

Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo!

Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! Bobbo! right? That is like some sort of detective list. I was like, it was like a little miniature figure. She goes, you know, to the, to the

layman eye, that elephant detective. You bought a house off a dead woman. Yeah. Oh, oh, yeah. So she died. And apparently the last 10 years, eight years of her life, she turned very mean. And she didn't take care of the backyard. Wouldn't let people take care of the house, you know, really turned. And I was a little nervous buying this house because they say the mean thing before you bought the house. Well, or did you hear it from the neighbors? I heard it from the neighbors before

Because I was looking at the backyard my backyard. I had to redo everything she didn't take care of it. I had a you know do everything and then She had lived there since the house, you know for 50 something years Good Lord all those houses are from the 50s Yeah, and one now back in the day in the 50s, a designer would come and just do a whole block. But you ever notice these houses that, it's like the kind of the same house,

which is a little nuances. How's it grew up in in Queens? Well, the whole block. It's like three houses and it just unrepeat. So they did the whole block. But you know, 1950s, contemporary, you know, the future. And, you know, the future. Yeah.

And so we moved into the house, and then I always wondered, I would go into the closet where the heater is and all that. It's a little closet, and I would get weird chills. Yeah. And then I would go in the max's room and get the same fucking vibe. Yeah. And apparently she lived the max's room and get the same fucking vibe. And apparently, she lived in Max's room.

Nothing. I want to take a cab up to your house tonight and move Max to your office. Because I'm scared. Keep going. So I've heard Max talking to somebody. Nope. Nope. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. or whatever, but he said one night, he goes, he said something, he said something like, I forget what it was, was Dad, we can't do that, that's not the right thing to do.

And I go, who told you that? He goes, the lady. And I went, he goes, he goes, he goes, the old lady. And I was like, all right. Old lady goes. I go, listen, ghost. I go listen dude I go listen you you listen to your dad you don't listen to that fucking Next time you see that ghosty cut bitch you kick your inner fucking plot

It's a lot of center of fiber Like you know Dude dude dude dude here. How did you really react when you're like, the lady that watches you sleep? I mean, we're moving. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do family on stop it near my house near your house behind your house the block I'll tell you what street is take a left off of behind your house I know where it is I walk up to her house sometimes just to exercise cool looking at windows I'm gonna

have to give a man have to give a father a call look at that shit man no cool go now do ghost in the hallway yeah look, look at that right there. Yeah. No. What do they want? What do they mean? Jennifer love you at where are you? Ghost whisper. Go go go another one. Yeah, it's fucking.

I mean, fuck off. Look at the kid who the kid. Do the baby one. Do the baby one. I love baby ghost things. No. Do the baby ghost. Poor the baby one. I love baby ghost things. No. Do the baby ghost. Poor child.

I said child. No. That's not real. Where, where, where, where. Where? Dead. No man fucking real. I do know.

Cause I'm a ghost. I think. New fun if it was Joe List. Yeah. And that's what he crying for. That makes me want to cry. What if I can see my ticket sales this weekend? What if I can cry?

I'd say. Hey, next to it, it really was. The popular Z That makes me want to cry. What are you fucking see my ticket sales this weekend? What are you fucking crying? I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that? Yeah, so when you said that, when Max said that to you, were you just like, cool, yeah, don't listen to the lady. When he said it to me, I was just, look, you can't, look, who was talking about it?

You know, kids, kids say shit. I think it was, Berk Kreischer I think was talking about where Rogan wants about kids' time traveling. My kids have the power to time travel. What? Well, because they say shit that hasn't happened yet, or they'll talk to you like, dad,

you know, I went, I talked to the guy and he said that, you know, we can do that and it's gonna happen. And you're like, who the fuck are you? And it's like they're talking about shit that happened like before or it's gonna happen like weird shit I'm hacking it up. Oh my god. But yeah dude. Fuck yeah. Yeah, now that there's all these home security cameras There's got to be a lot of fucking ghosts. Oh dude the ghost. Here we go. Here we go. Go watch this shit. This is ghost caught on baby monitors. What's this? So this is nuts. I'm not gonna sleep

Watch this shit. No, I don't want to watch this shit. It's like That's kids getting out of this. There you go bud. Get out dude. Yeah, get out of the room Connor Connor get out of the room. He's crawling out of his thing dude. Get out. Goodbye dude If that fucking ghost grabs the kid off the thing. I'm yeah, do this kids badass. Well look at the balance No, no, no, cause the ghost is holding him. The ghost is holding him. Oh, no. Fuck you.

Fuck you, I move. I move. I don't know. It's off a nest. Dude, if he starts floating, get the fuck out of here. He's holding on to something. So you can't do that as a kid. I don't know, that kid better be a kid's a gold medal.

What the fuck? He was fucking dude. Wait, did he fly? He fell back into the oh, so he was just he's had great balance He was holding onto that little pinwheel. That was all a job Connor. Solid job Yeah, I know we go representing the United States. What is it is just a kid talking? Oh, is he going? Are they going in? No, no, no, no. Now that's been going on for a while now. It's a fucking shit.

It's messing with you right now. There's nothing. And look. I'm not messing with you right now. There's nothing and look The cord for the other one is Unplugged see the things down in the things not even connected to it. She's somebody else's house. You dummy I can't even find the other thing. Oh, yeah, that kids just a fucking piece of white trash and find the other thing. Oh yeah, that kid's just a fucking piece of white trash. Yeah. And yours are the righty out screaming, but I ain't no righty out there.

I'm stretching out. Go back, go back, right there. No. Oh baby sleeping ghost. Dude. Baby sleeping ghost. Wait, that ghost is a ghost. Babies can't lie.

Wait, so you're saying the baby that's sleeping is a ghost? The baby is sleeping. That's a baby monitor watching the baby sleep and here you go Did fuck that man. There you go, baby. This old lady goes. This is what old ladies do. This is what they do They want to fucking see the baby If you pull the blanket two three goes Does it that looks fake? Yeah, why? It's going back up.

Yeah, that's fake. That's fake. Are you okay? The baby goes, no, fuck it, fuck it. Fuck it. I was just sleeping thinking about sucking mom's teeth. How funny would that be? Is the baby would, no. Why would I be okay? Daddy, no. Oh, thank you. One more time. There's a fucking ghost in the crib.

There's a baby ghost over the baby because the baby just died. Is that the baby having an outer body experience? Oh, dude, fuck that shit. Lucie dreaming. Dude, if I had, if I saw that baby monitor shit, I would just be like, we're out of here. We're just fucking two babies.

Why are you kidding me? Let's go. You gotta go get the baby. Nah, man, that baby raises itself. If you, if you're a baby. It's gonna be a scary lifestyle baby. It's gonna be a scary lifestyle. Nah, dude, I would grab my kid. If you're a baby, what if your baby's sitting that's not your baby Oh, I would grab my kid if your baby go what if your baby sitting? It's not your baby

Why would he be babysitting peace peace loving soul keep the $10 now? 20 1985 I don't know I was going 90's prices dude Bye, baby Bye, baby What if you're crying? Bye, bye baby. What if the kid was like help me? I go shut up. How do you talk? You're a ghost Yeah, it's fucked up dude. I'm not going to save it They probably saw this like my

Just happening. What is that that's bullshit? No, man. That's like that's energy dude. That's that energy. What is it? A fucking energy monster. I'm telling you right now. I did most ghosts for just energy. Yeah Corner. Yeah, I think I think you know, it's the last time you saw a honing Around the corner. Yeah I the first time I saw it was when I used to bartend there and the first time I saw it was when I used to bartend there and then the kids see it all the time. Do this lady the Elisa Lam video she did this is LA right? What is this Los Angeles? It's the hotel one. And I fucking stayed in this hotel. What is it?

I immediately fucking moved. What is it? This woman fucking goes crazy and then they found her in the fucking water thing above the hotel. Above the hotel. This woman? That sounds like a badass. Yeah, she looks like she's running from somebody. Dude, it was like this famous video, but someone told me they're like, oh, you're in the hotel where the lady died. I was like, what the fuck are you? What are you talking about?

Like, yeah, it's right in Hollywood. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it's right off, they said they found her in the water, you know, like the water thing above, the water towers, they found her body in the water tower. Really? And this was the security later.

What is she doing right now? She's like trying to get the elevator to move, but the elevator won't close. She's like screaming here. Does it close? Yeah, if you hear the audio, she's like trying to run, she's like freaking out. Wow.

Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. Becky, have you seen any ghosts? Never. Boy, I look at her weird hands. Yeah. Yeah, it's fucked up. It was really weird. Someone told me that and I looked it up.

You got to tell. That looks like drugs. Yeah, you have to. I mean, how do you not believe in ghosts? I see. Hello. It's really scary. Yeah. Yeah, it's creepy, but that's what scared them. I pitch meetings. Hi, dance odor. What was wrong with the pitch meeting? I just didn't go well when this was like 2013 really?

I got that guy. Okay, this guy gets it. Oh, we should open that present. Oh, yeah, I guess. I wanna hear you bitch me. You bought me your pitch meeting. No, I don't know. Yeah, it was like, you could probably. Thank God. Hey, thank God. I mean, you're here now. True. What if they went, you're a millionaire now? I'm not a millionaire, dude.

And the ghost from my house attached itself to you. No, it's not. I heard Max speak its evil into Rich's, Rich Voss's here. Really? He's gonna try to sell CDs. Right outside the house. That's fucked up. That picture's fucked up. That's a human though sell CDs. No. Right outside the house. That's fucked up. That picture's fucked up.

That's a human though. Oh my God. What? Oh my God. What did you open it? Dude. What? Dude.

Come over here. Tell people what this is. You get to the chair. Get to the chair. Get to the chair, Bobby. I'll try and get into the microphone. I know, but why would you? It was here at the way you said it what are you talking about?

I'm all fucking hopped up on ghost knowledge no no it's from um what is here on the Yankee swap episode? what is that beer you're drinking? a Modelo Modelo special it's a mexican caros a good mexican beer where'd you get that? I'm a sore on the corner you bought a beer a single beer? oh no no, he got to yeah, brought to you

Brought to and then another one for me. Yeah, 48. She seems to have a problem with it. I don't know why do you have yeah? Yeah, what's the way? I don't know why you know offer number one number two is just you know chill and have it a beer Whatever set second of all first of all best at second of all that and third of all don't ever talk Are you crazy? You talking to Liz? She should've seen me that bad. I don't talk to Liz like that. Oh my God. What's wrong with that?

I'll tell you what's wrong with that. I was just confused, I'm trying to find out. Yeah, there you go, that's a good quote. And I could have gotten it after. That's a better quote. I'm going to talk to this, a spot here. I don't want to have to jump the table and protect you from Liz.

I should've used it to learn. Well, we're friends now. Yeah. Are you friends? Liz? With who? Oh, okay. Yeah.

No, I don't know him. Oh, wall stuff. Hi, Chris. Hi, Chris. Hey, girl. Nice to meet you. Anyway. Yeah, that's a good one.

Chris. Liz, it's heavy. I still like the last time I had it. Yeah, but how long has it taken for Liz to like you? I swear to God, Liz started liking me yesterday. Me. Yes, for the first day where I was like, oh my God, I think Liz likes me.

Last minute at the party, I was like, literally random people at the bar. I'm like, who are you? You know where you got deaf from. Yeah, last year. You with Ian. And for me, I had to sit there with stupid stavros. Stavros somehow invited Ian.

This brought me a calendar last night. I'm so happy. So I go Liz, go over, see that guy who looks like all the three studious. I go over to him. I just went and he go, who are you? And then when he tells you, do you work the comedy salad? Are you one of them?

It was great. And dude, I was. There was something. I was, I was. I would have freaked me out as a year in comic. Good. I didn't want to buy this place because I was I was I was I would have freaked me out of the air comic good I didn't walk by this place You went like this he went um, okay He had a plate of food

Doverus no He had a plate of food. He just filled I'd never seen him before but then he needed this food Like that's that's extra facts. Yeah, he needed this to survive so funny go who are you? Yeah, all right, okay He's food I'll get out of here I walked out I want to do why I started laughing. He's like Thank God you cock suck. I'll say you

We let that go for her. Yeah, but I'll put a couple minutes Yeah, we came up last night. He goes mental last year He go one of the greatest moments of my life and then he goes Yeah, he was trying to make it a moment because now he works at the club And here goes like I'm not making this a moment fuck face All right, but then so she's walking around last night. Oh literally just random people. Well, who are you?

I love it. Some guys like I'm a comedian. I go where? Oh, damn. He was like, I know everyone here. I'm like, do you know me? Who was it? I don't know.

Some random dude who actually opened for John Fish tonight. Where? So it's a cat. Oh, that guy. Yeah, Jason. Whatever. Nice guy. Jason. Whatever. Nice guy.

Yeah. I guess because I was behind the bar serving drinks, and they were probably like, oh, who the fuck is this bitch? Oh my god. It was great. I'm like, I don't know you. It's cookie. I was like, next.

It was cookies and brownie bites. Liz don't fuck around. No. Liz don't fuck around. And then here's the fucking problem. All day long, I do great. I have great breakfast. I cook myself, everything.

I worked out yesterday with me and Max worked out in the shed. We have a treadmill and weights. We worked out for like a half hour, 40 minutes. It was so great. I felt fantastic. I ate healthy. I had steak and broccoli for dinner.

No carbs. I get down here. I do this. I have shrimp. I have some tomato. I eat healthy, kind of good. And then I'm walking outside as a fucking waffle truck. Yep.

Yeah. There was a waffle truck. That's what's got you? Waffles. Cause the cookies and brownie bites. There was so much food. I've got me too. The cookies and brownie bites.

Italian cookies, chocolate chip cookies. Here's the stinger. John Fish is upstairs with his little ticket. Me and Voss are begging the guy because you can't get a waffle without a ticket. We're like, he opens for us. Hey, I offered you. I know, I love you.

I said no though, because I knew I shouldn't have had it. But then I walk outside and I see a truck with waffles. You can use the whole of delicious fresh waffle. And he wouldn't give us one so I was like, I'll get one. Yeah. How we were like homeless guys. Well, maybe if you watched enough Gillette commercials You know that's toxic masculinity boss asked me for a ticket and I said absolutely not

That's great literally to his face felt good What is it? It's I can't fucking believe it. Dan you know exactly what this is. That's a backpack. I called it I'm not as of the Oli here Same one. Oh, that's awesome. Who went home with that? Becky did Yeah, the champ wait, I want to point out that there's only 500 of those made. So you got one of them.

Holy shit. That's awesome. Look at that, dude. Can people buy these? You know what? I don't know, because I had to convince the marketing guy to let me have that. I'm going to say right now, this is one of the greatest gifts

I've ever gotten in my life. I'm going to tell you that right now. All the gift of laughter I've ever gotten in my life. I'm gonna tell you that right now. What about all the gift of laughter? I'm giving you. That is the third favorite gift of all time. It says one of 500 made, Bragan is when a person says something and can't do it. I do what I say. You know who said that?

You did. Rich Voss. Rich know who said that? You did. Rich Voss. Rich Voss said that. I'll be selling CDs outside. 1 to 500 made. That says right there. Greatest of all time. Mother, I almost don't want to take it out of the box.

He made it. It's yours. Do it. I almost want to just leave it. And then when my career dies in 30 years, I sell this on pond stars And I make sag minimum from being on the show and I get my bennies back You're back in yeah, you got a

Star from on your face Wow Do you want a back back so we can be friends backpack so we can be friends. Oh, oh, buy your way in the house. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the company that makes spray ground. What's it? What's the website spray ground dot com spray ground dot com? What a fuck it? What that go to my bag bring that up? That's right there. Yeah, wow. Yeah, buddy. Look at that motherfucker, dude. What a beautiful bag and you design that yeah Thank you. I appreciate it. It's gorgeous, man. You're so good. Let me see something else

Can I have the question? Did you design the packaging to yes? I did the packaging is really beautiful He but he's no joke. No, I mean look at the packaging. I've met a lot of designers. I'm a designer of all of that. That's crazy, dude. That's beautiful. Then you did this, too? No, one of the other designers did that one. I fuck him.

Go to the other one. Go to the website. What's the other one you did? Fuck you, Neil. You know what? If you go on my website, I have a special section for all the spray-grumbags I did. If you want to do that, sorry.

Look at that. I'm trying to make you work. No, that's fine. Look at Liz. Maybe I'll see his website. I did if you want to do that. Sorry. I look at that make you work Look at Liz is like maybe I think I want to see his website I was go to his website. Wow Not that cheney.com. I can't thank you enough, dude. I'm so excited about this I'm gonna put this right next to my blowjob machine. Hell yeah I'm gonna wear it. Oh wait Liz actually gave you that. Yeah, have you used it? Hey?

Have you used it? Have I used it? Yeah, you got your dicks like my robot? Yeah, ask me ask. Yeah. Have you used it? I'm a good friend. Hey, have you used it? Have I used it? Yeah, you got your Dixock by Robo. Yeah, I got it. Ask me again. Have you used it? No. Cool.

I've glad you left it in the box. I had to stalk Lewis for that too. I will never use it ever. That's an awesome backpack. Sorry to hit you all. Yeah, that's probably my favorite one that I've done, to be honest. That was badass.

That's awesome. That's a really cool man. Yeah, that's probably my favorite one that I've done, to be honest. That was badass. That's awesome. That's a really cool man. Yeah, it's not the Hedgehog. I do. But your Farni is a... That looks like Scarborough. Yeah, he's got the Kougi. Yes, big Kougi.

That's fucking one. There it is right there. Look at that. 37 KOs, 54 wins. The goat, Ali. Heavyweight chip. That is fucking crazy crazy and you own it, dude one of 500 If you want one of these go to their website That's you made that too. Yeah, yeah, I made it look like it's stuff. He would carry around his bag

Oh, yeah, that's fucking glad money and shit. Yeah, look at that shit. What a great Duff That's a abbreviation for duff. Let's go. Keep going. Keep going. Oh, that one was for young thug. He's a rapper. I like that. We all went, huh? You want to get me? You don't have to get me. Yeah. Yeah. He lives a purple bad guy. What else? I'm sorry. Like this is how did you get in designing? I'm sorry, this is slow. How did you get into designing? Well, I mean, I didn't really care about high school. I didn't want to be there in the art.

I was always drawn shit, so my mom was like, do the thing you like. Did you remember? Did you go to art school? Yeah, yeah. I went to a mask college of art and design. No, can I say something? Yeah, I was supposed to go to a mask college of art and design.

He did it, and he made the backpack. You did comedy and you are at the table. You got the backpack. You know, I'll plug my own sheets. Go on to you. Go on to you. Go on to you. Go on to you. What you don't know is I have a team of go security.

I have a go security team. And what they do is they make sure no other ghosts follow me or know my whereabouts. OK, regarding you. Next time you're down there, there's me underground in the back. Well, is I don't know if you know how many dead family members I got. I got a whole fucking crew. Ghost of the cellar, please attach yourself to Dan.

Go home with him. Ghost family. I'm gonna text you that. Ghost from the cellar. I can man you. To attach yourself. To Dan's owner. Ghost of soldiers.

Ghost of soldiers. go back to me Ghost of everyone that died of drinking I was a child For the Sarosus Bush push the ghost back on the Bobby Sarosis push push the ghost back on the Bobby Salago all the power like

Wake up he goes dude is William You're not allowed to ask. Dude, I smell prattles and new ports. Yes, dude. Did you just ask for a salad after dessert? I don't know the ranch. It's all the ranch. It's a different ranch. It's a different ranch. Then William saved a spot for me at the table. I was two classes away, a basic math and a basic English from transferring all my credits in a bachelor degree

to Mass College of art. I went to Bunkhill Community College for fine art for two years. I had two classes left, I was going to mass college of art, and I was hopefully to be an art teacher someday. Oh shit. Yes. Now was I... Oh, that's so cute. Cute?

Yeah, baby, isn't it? Yeah, you're right. That's so cute Cute, yeah baby His laugh is just magical great. It sounds like a fucking pack of monkeys I'm like ain't that right smile At backpacks take it we're taking that backpacks Me and my ghost those This is my number one man right here I'm right there. Yeah, so I Was I was going to I was going to I was going to I was gonna Matt look at me. Yeah, I was going to be a hard teacher

Oh, dude that one they've gotten real fucking weird when you have it when you flip out What the fuck Dude that one they've gotten real fucking weird when you have when you flip out There's that a finger paint I only flip out when people talk over people, okay? Listen dog, I'm just staying on the problem. I hate you know, Jersey pisses me off What we have two guests tonight everybody else works on the show Technically, you have three guests now. I have three now because we two and a half. She's starting to like you. I'm gonna sit here and take it. Let me tell you, Liz hated me. When I first got past the seller, I was a raging alcoholic. Liz hated me. Yeah, you said. All right, it's chill out. She put up with me. I remember she didn't like it.

She put up with me. And then she moved back and I didn't drink. And then we became. Yeah. Manly's had been friends from day one. Day one. We're both bullies gravitate to each other. What the fuck did you just call us? Huh?

Where are you going? Liz, with me right now. All the ghosts from the salad. All the ghosts from the salad. Attention. All the salad. We're going to fight that salad. We're going to fight that salad. We're going to fight that salad. We're going to in the salad. I'm trying to. Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? I'm trying to.

I'm trying to. Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad?

Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad?

Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? Who's the best salad? You guys are both in dead alcohol. Oh, guths. Welcome to the Soda family. You guys are both in dead alcohol. OK, you know where I work. It's fine. I'm surrounded by them. Yeah. You're haunted.

Guess what? I am haunted. I dream of making this world a better place. No. Shall I? Oh, best man can get. I am haunted with the idea that women don't feel safe to work in violence.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god. I in violence. I'm Dan Sillin. What's the idea that women don't feel safe to work in violence? I'm Dan Sillin. What's the idea? That's Shrek. That's Shrek. That's Shrek. That's Shrek.

That's Shrek. That's Shrek. That's Shrek. That's Shrek. That's Shrek. That's Shrek. That's Shrek. That's Shrek.

That's Shrek. That's Shrek. That's Shrek. That's Shrek. That's Shrek. That's Shrek. That's Shrek. Change gears super fast Let's me clean my butthole I would have you you a fucking go for an asshole When that Ukrainian lady give me a prostate exam, when? Dude, like three winners ago, I was having blood pain. And I'm a hypochondriac, so I was like,

I'm probably dying from the inside. And it was a blizzard and I wore my snow boots and I didn't take my snow boots off and she was like, this Ukrainian lady and she goes, give the only exam table, pull puns, don't face the other way, feel the position. And I remember, I remember my snow boots and this the rubber on rubber. Sam table pull puns dumb face the other way fetal position I'm gonna ride my snow boots and this the rubber on rubber

The window then she applied a snowball amount of blue And then she got in and like all the way deep in my butt cheeks and then gave me the fingers in the butt You put you out like you knew it was too. Yeah, I was like, give me two. But she gave me a finger and the button, and then I went, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, and she goes, she just takes her glove off, and she goes, if it hurts, go to pro colleges. And I was like, I don't know if it hurts,

I've never had that done before. She was like, did it hurt? I was like, it felt weird. But just sitting there with my pants around my snow boots Just your drips coming off your boots. I'm just fucking wiping About my butt Fucking embarrassment got's pepper must up that day I listen Boys will be boys everybody's pissed off about this. I think people are pissed off

I think it's like Gillette looks stupid who Who, what was the commercial last year with Pepsi? With the wall and whatever. It was the last year of the year before. Oh, do you remember that? Woke marketing is such bullshit. Because it's like, oh, so you're just profiting off this fucking thing? Just so you can sell your product.

They're like, no, we're conscious. We're socially conscious. Yeah, but every fucking movie though is woke now too. They slip woke shit into movies. That's my whole dude. They slip woke shit into TV shows too. Mm-hmm. It's like you're watching a show and I was like,

maybe it's time to wake up guys. Yeah, I have fucking billions. That's billions. Whatever dog making the movie. I think billions. Can I say something about billions? Sure. I think billions brought up the issue of non-binary or trans

or whatever, and they did it in the fucking, how do you get a character that most men who watch that show won't like in life, but you like her in the show. You're rooting for her. It's them. You them, you're rooting for them. It's them. You them. You're rooting for them.

But she's, yeah, whatever. I'm sure. The most disturbing part when they fuck Berbiglia. I mean, yeah, because you know, you know, Berbiglia was fucking. Yeah, but he's a V. I tried. Also shout out to my ex- I mean, aliens.

Your best friend, Mike Berbiglia. No, shout out to my buddy who has that thermos because I stole it off set. Hell yeah, dude. They're gonna make you pay for that, now., for Bigly. No, shout out to my buddy who has that thermos because I stole it off set. Hell yeah, dude. They're gonna make you pay for that now. Thanks for the backstory. Anyways, listen. Shout out Danny Garipet.

I stole that for you. What is that? You don't, you know, I gave it, I gave my body on it. That's how you let go, Sid. No, it's not, dude. Do that again. No. Okay.

He's really close to it. Um, I think, I think you guys did it in a great way. Yeah, I think they addressed the situation and then moved forward and then built. That's the situation moved forward. They don't care. Yeah, they built Taylor. Taylor's great.

Great to show. How do you fucking, I mean, they. Also, Aja K Dylan is an unbelievable actor, unbelievable. Like in a scene you're just like, oh, fuck, I gotta keep up. All those people are. Everyone's on the show as hot. Everybody's on the show as hot. Stink, hot. Like in a scene you're just like, oh fuck, I gotta keep up. All those people are. Everyone that's on the show is hot. Everybody's gonna show us.

Stink, hot. Yeah, there's hot. Great, please stop it. You're great. There's some hot. You know why you're good? Thank you. That's the best thing.

This is a pressure to be on billions. This is soda on billions, ready? That'd be pretty good at that. No, but you gotta do this. Yeah, I get a reaction. Am I in trouble? I'm the go for. Dude, you're fucking good because you're not trying to act thanks

You're not trying to do the part you're just being Dan and the in the part which I think is great Yeah, yeah, I'm believe that guy next to you trying to act look at him very nice guy You got rid of the show dude. It's weird to be like I got fired You got rid of the show dude. It's weird to be like I got fired We think you think you're in for you was I don't know if I'm a five you're not Good luck and fucking man. Is this season for now? Yeah, I got that the poster I'm holding that picture I have in my apartment. Oh my god. Do you stop when you Do it? What are you stealing? What do you want me to do?

How many fleece vests do you have in your closet? I sort of got, they always clock where I put all the shirts because I've been like, oh, the shirt's nice. I put it back in your trailer garbage. But that poster, they're like, yeah, I had to take it. It was actually a really nice gift because it was signed by the Undertaker and mankind. You know what? Oh, shit, that's tight.

Thank you. Hell yeah. People get it. I'm very that's tight. Thank you. Hell yeah. People get it. I'm very excited this week. I had a procedure done. What you have? I had my ears lasered. What?

Hair for hair? Yeah. What? As I got older, my ears got hairy. Take off your headphones. My ears got hairy. Take off your headphones. My ear has got hairy. And I would have to, you know, dawn maybe six, seven years ago, plucked a couple hairs.

Let me get those. And I was like, I don't want you to do that because mole will grow. And she's like, shut up, don't be foolish. Cut to this year when I look like a hobbit. I actually thought I had headphones on one day. I didn't, it was just my ears. And I caught a bug in one.

And... Really? How long did the laser take? I dumbed them. I actually was just believing in the Gabby. I was like, man, I have a... The bug thing you believed. I'm like, I don't know, so that's a lot of your...

I don't think so. So, sorry. It was really, it was a bug. It was like, it breaks the case. I don't know so. Sorry. It was way they were both. Detective Liz, she breaks the case. I don't know. Liz is one of those impossible. It's really not the game. She was a little bit hot.

Liz is the... You come clean and tell me the truth, Robert. We got you back to New York corner. It's my way bugs attacked you. It's the winner. That's what I feel like, then I know we got it. Well, here's, I went in, my wife got it for me, because she waxed my ears.

Like she would wax my ears, it looked like you waxed the shit so's asshole. That's so much hair, hair was in my ear. Like in, like in the fucking, in the, like, some doctors tell you not to do that. Don't you need those hairs? No, the ones in in you need not the outer Are you gonna use your balance? No, that's not it

No, you're fucking Probably is fucking Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck god you did it wrong You're lazy the wrong Fuck it is Fuck fuck fuck fuck No You always go towards the sound court.

Get it out. Get it out. I'm sorry. That's a good fight ghosts. So, anyway. Is it hurt? So I went in and, yeah So I went in and Yeah, I went in and she

Really loved the lady and she yeah, the laser finds black hair Whatever black hair it attaches it and goes gush right to the root Yeah, it's fucking hurt It hurt, but she snapped all the, they gone. And now I go back five more times because as hair comes up that you missed, because hair grows, you know. Sure. So I keep, she keeps doing it.

And I won't have hair in my ears ever again. Fuck yeah. I'm gonna do it my whole body. You can't. Why? It hurts. Dude, it really hurts. It's a precipitate.

It could be a slick like a seal. Try to grab me naked in six months. Good luck. No, just for now. Oilers have a good luck of its raining. Good luck, grab it. You know that's how dawn got free tits. Is how by standing out in the rain, naked and careless? No, she did laser hair removal back around, you know, one of the 10 years ago, 12 years we lived in house kitchen. She did laser hair removal doctors office.

One of the other doctors was the leading breast and implant guy in like the country. Yeah. Like all the penthouse playmates, whatever went to him. And he was like, listen, if you do my back, I gotta go on vacation. If you laser my back for free, I will give you free at breast implants.

When you laser back. It's like a $12,000 procedure. So when she lasered his back, is he like, hairless for the rest of the life? And back I mean, clock area. Oh, kidding. He's like, I wanna hairless dick. No. Oh my dick And back I mean, cock area. Oh, yeah. You think I want a hairless dick? No.

Oh, my dick to look like my son's. He's five. I want to match. Can you match this picture? It's my boys. Oh, the hook runs in the family. I want to see my red nothing girl. I want to be like a puppy.

I want pink balls. Or a little pink puppy balls. So, yeah, she did his back. I mean, look, dude, it takes a lot to do that. It takes hours of doing it. You're gonna keep doing it. Did she wear a welder's mask? Yeah.

So she did his back and she got breast for a thousand bucks under a thousand, because the anesthesiologist is that right? Yeah, I gave her a deal too. So I got where you want to deal. You know what the anesthesiologist I got you know, I got some bottom I got some rail shit. We'll go bottom show. I'm just going to hit you like bugs bunny. This is an oversized hammer. You're gonna go out, there'll be exercises over your eyes. She burns, yeah. Yeah. Oh.

Yeah, she had fucking great titties put in for nothing. Fuck you, dude. Not great. But she's got to get them again, I think, because she had the kid. So you have to have a kid, you know, they kind of get a little wonky. She might have to get them again,

so I got to get back on TV. I gotta get back on that. I'm really, I'm gonna affect you. Close a audition with that. Right, and that's the same. FYI, I know you can probably sell the Gillette commercial. My wife needs tits. So if we can now hope this happens.

I need a little road wear on the old ones. Hey guys, I need a story arc because I need new tips. I need this. I need you guys really to bring me into regular casts here because my wife needs tits. We, uh, I do thank you so much for the skiff. That means a lot. Of course one of the best gifts ever.

I love you. Um, Liz, you can hit me up. Get a backpack Liz, treat yourself. You're detectives. Liz, this is, look at Liz though. I know, it's a lot of them. Get a backpack. Liz, treat yourself. You're detective. Liz, look at Liz though. I tell you something right now. She wants one, but she don't give her a love away. When you will Liz like you, she likes you.

True. For life. Don't think you're in yet. I'm not. I don't know. Gabby has good senses. I'm right on the cusp of something. Something. I don't know what that is.

I don't know what it is yet. Oh man, nothing would make me laugh harder than if you tried to walk it into the olive tree and Calvin was like, I'm sorry, you can't. I'm losing stick to you. We're shooting live from the shed. We'll be shooting it live from the pussycat. And Becky and Gabby are going to, you know,

I went over there today to do the thing and these two fucking phenoms just take over and start, what do this, what do that, this totally, I was just like, what about the lens, like we got it, settle down, fatso. So we're gonna be shooting over there. I believe Liza Colbe is going to be one of the guests. I was trying to get your buddy there,

the writer of the show. Brian Coppam. I the writer of the show Brian Cobham. I love him Great. He's awesome. I love him. I really do. He's really I mean those scripts are fucking ridiculous. Yeah, but he says stuff on Twitter that It like really is just wow He said stuff about writing that just makes me go fuck. Thank you for saying that dude is crazy intelligent crazy smart and awesome great sense of humor Yeah, so I tried to get him on hopefully he said he would do it, but he can't Yeah, dude up until we're done filming those guys's lives are like yeah, they go to their at set when we show up like I Know I know TV. Yeah, but I'm saying like for

I know works. Yeah, I was on TV before God on a series. But I mean that that show though for the level of detail. It's crazy. It's just it's and this is a writer like he had to just even imagine it self into this two world. Not the men. Two world.

Like you have real people watching this on that's not how it is. Law. So you have to make it real. Yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, I was out that coin. And it's so interesting. And it has two BS two heels. Yeah. Baby faces. Well, now they're big. They're heel baby faces. It's two stone colds. They're

two stone colds in the rock. This clock second watch the wrestling did the rock and stone cold. You're not supposed to like either one of them. You love both of them. What? What? I was just doing a Stone Cold what? Oh, yeah dude, he, that guy, I just... Man, you smell! Those guys, the work that they fucking put into that show is insane. Crazy, I love it.

When they have breaks, they get sick because their body catches up. Or stop with the depressing things. They are coal miners. They are down. May the ghosts go on you. You can't do it. I got my own horse field. Anyway, it's not a bulldog bomb.

When your dad and your grandpa both dives to the rest of us, you have a horse field. Atlanta. Ever heard of it? I know. My entire fucking page thinks I got yellow teeth and I'm fat drunk in that. You need to have a picture on your phone. I know, my entire fucking page thinks, I got yellow teeth and I'm fat drunk in that. I got fucking ham.

Yeah, but you do look older. I'm fucking hammered in that picture. You can tell it's my ears are all red. Yeah, you can't believe it. It's silly, good. You have to. Your eyelashes look good, dude. Those fucking baby elephant lobes you have.

I got lovin'. Love them. You got wide lobes. I got wide lobes. Is she gonna have a good thing to do? A punchline, I'll be in the punchline at land of February, You got wide low. I got wide I'll be in the punchline Atlanta February 20th or January 24th through the 26th then I'll be on the impractical jokers crew. I'm going on that. I know. Yeah, what do you mean you and Versey and big J Hey, and Nate and Nate and fucking I love Nate cuz Nate gets shit face and then just starts talking trash about people If you could tell Nate's hammer research going like this, I mean, who's your manager?

Yeah, I'm doing the bellhouse in New York, April 18th. So if you're in the trusted area, come out to the bell house Thursday April I did and I'm doing comedy seller. Yes. What are you doing? What are we doing? We're doing it. We're doing it. We're doing it. We're doing it.

We're doing spring break. I tell is doing. We were. We're doing the bonfire. Bonfire. I wish I could do that with you guys. I love doing the bonfire tomorrow. I know you are.

Guess I was. March. March. March is already. When am I at the comedy seller Vegas. It's the hottest comedy club in Vegas right now I heard the last week was killer Friday Saturday Sunday was sold the fuck out so yesterday what's today today's Wednesday yesterday like For a Tuesday night. It was it was pretty fucking packed that I'm a cop show. Yeah, I'm gonna do

I'm doing a theater with Ron Bennington rich Vos gym floor I'm gonna do I'm doing a theater with Ron Bennington rich boss Jim Florence. He's a crazy lineup. Oh my god. And Where is it? It's in Where is that theater keep going keep going? Keswick theater Glenside PA near Philly that's March 8th Keswick theater me Ron Bennington. I put the show together. That's crazy My my age at frosty goes who's, what is your dream show? What is the theater show you want to do?

I go Ron Bennington, Rich Voss, and Jim Florence. My team? I go, that's the way. And we should call it making comedy great again. And we want to make hats like Trump hats. It's good, right? Good region. Pennsylvania did go to Trump.

So smart. Thanks. And I'm just kidding. I never really said awesome. I dreamt, team. But, uh, uh, no, I know, of course I did. So check it out. Gabby, what do you got?

Follow me on Instagram. At Gabby is Brian. And then my monthly show in Brooklyn, Jiggy with it is coming back March 6. And you're back. And I'm back. I moved back. You happy? Yeah, I'm

Throwesome great job on editing and filming with me the Life on the shed. Thanks. I love doing it. It was great, right? Yeah, I love it go check it out become a member everything's back in order right Zach All the shows are up everything's back in order sorry for the fucking problems. We are on it shows all the shows are up. Everything's back in order. Sorry for the fucking problems. We are on it. The shows, all the shows will be up. Zach, can we get, I'll talk to you about that after. Dan, you got anything else besides millions of dollars? Don't have millions of dollars.

You do, you have ghosts and millions of dollars. I don't, I have an alcohol force field. I have thousands of dollars. There's no alcohol force field. Yes, there is, dude. You did everyone knows that. What if the ghost is in the box? What if the ghost can't, can't, can't do it.

What's the goal? What if it goes to the day? Can. They're, they're dorks. They can break into the force field. Oh, they know that there's a power greater than them. And that's alcohol. Thank you.

Good night. That's it. On Twitter Instagram. Jesus Christ. It's so, so. Yeah. Bonfire Monday to Thursday. 6 a.m. I'm going to come to the radio. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, pro. Vegas, Vegas, Doug loves movies live on January 27th of 4.20pm. David tells headlining February 18th to shows and they are selling quick so hurry up and get your tickets. Yeah, we'll be there in May, we'll be there in April.

I'll be there at the end of the month. We're going hiking. Yeah, we're going to do it. I'll be prepared. We're not bringing the fucking dog this time. Yeah, fucking Mark Cohen versus his rogue people on a mountain, on switchbacks. So there's people, and this guy's got a 60 foot leash

on this dog, wrapping around other people, almost taking everybody down the fucking mountain. And then we're like, dude, watch your dog. And he's like, what? I'm, oh, fucking, me and Liz bullies. Listen, I went on a hike with Bobby. I was, I was, we were, it was insane. It was one of the craziest things I've ever done. No, listen, I listen to hiking.

Sodor. I didn't think I was going on a hike like that. I thought I was gonna take a walk in a park. There'd be a Starbucks at the end. So do I didn't think like I didn't think I was going on a hike like that I thought I was gonna take a walk in a park there'd be a Starbucks at the end like that's I Sworty high to a waterfall Drink up the line like to the top of a fucking Most beautiful thing you've ever seen it was crazy. It was crazy. I was like I might die here now

But it was cool. It's great. It was really cool. Liz's little chubby butt going up a switchback Behind me the whole time. I was Backie, what do you got besides tired eyes? My god, I want to fucking take that laugh out and put in a toy I'm at human places the ease of three on insta feel like comedy photography. I go to the bonfire on Wednesdays to feel like that. Are you going to be there tomorrow? Yeah. Oh, go see it tomorrow. Yeah, see that. Fuck yeah, Becky. What do you got, dude? Not that chini on everything and then me and Becky actually have a fast podcast. It's on your website. N-O-T-H-A-T-C-H-E-N-E-Y, baby.

And thank you for that. He's gonna be, you're actually gonna be working with the podcast on designing some stuff. It's right. He came up with a great shirt, me and him. We got a great new shirt. We are the dudes. Oh, cool.

We're gonna do shirts, hoodies, hats, and cups. We're working it out. We're gonna meet after this and talk. And so it should be out soon. Everybody's gonna get one. And then, and then, hats and cups. We're working it out, we're gonna meet after this and talk and so it should be out soon. Everybody's gonna get one and then all you fucks. What do you got, buddy? At Michael Brucie on everything and I got a podcast called A Little Time

that you can download. You. Awesome. That's it. Thanks, buddy. You guys are the best fans in the world. Zach! Yeah. What do you got?

Zach, the new guy. Zach, I love you. Love you too. Say sorry. Sorry. Bobby! If he fucks up again, we're giving everybody his phone number and his email address. That's what's gonna happen.

Best fans ever. You know what? We'll see you next week. You know what, we'll see you next week. on the internet, and they're all free, and they're all free.