Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Russell Peters | Okay Pal

Episode Date: September 3, 2023

This week Bobby is joined by comedian Russell Peters. They talk about doing stand-up in Dubai, partying with Eddie Murphy, and opening for George Carlin. This episode is sponsored by GhostBed Listeners can get 40% off all products sitewide! Use promo code YKWD at GhostBed.com/ykwd for 40% Off Sitewide. Limited Time Only. This episode is sponsored by Ship Station Get a 60-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/ykwd. Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring the show! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Porque a diferencia de otros, Activia ha demostrado que sus millones de probióticos naturales llegan vivos a la microviota. Y además ayuda a tu salud digestiva. Activia. 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno,

3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno. Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovecharte del 3 por uno en medianas a domicidio solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao? 3 por uno, 3 por uno, ah no, no, no. ¡Dominos! Pizza. Yo he estado en un guig en 9-11. ¿Cuál es el Toronto?

¿Esto es el college guig en un guig? ¿Estás en un pleno o un bósono? I showed up for a gig on 9-11. Where? In Toronto. On a college gig at noon. You want a plane coming out of Boston? Yeah, right. You know, I don't want to talk about that, but I am. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. You, you, you were the other plane that bombed. You never heard of the guy that parachute it off, did you? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude, live. Welcome, everybody, to the podcast right now! We're back, you know what dude? Live, welcome everybody to the show! YKW, we're here! I started the social media podcast! The fact that YKW did podcasts!

YKW did these back again! Home school, back in the day! We're all starting before them all! YKW, YKW did this! This podcast is so fun and crazy! And there's no rules! Shut up, you're ruining this! Why can't I get this podcast is so fun and crazy and there's no rules I'm sorry Sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This is an NPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show?

What's up everybody? It's Robert Calliei you know what do we're back live Above the comedy seller studios here above the world famous comedy seller. I've been here for a long time I'm very excited. We're just gonna get into it enough of the high jinks But I do want you to subscribe you motherfuckers to the to the goddamn YouTube and go to Patreon and get the extra episodes every week in the unedited version of this. Well, you know, you get all the N words and the fucking F words and the, you know, the massage and this shit that we have to cut out. So YouTube doesn't do shus, right, Danny? Right. Thank you. I don't think you should call them N words though. What? They have's that you said you can hear all the Edwards I mean like I don't know why

I don't just have them on your I'm kidding we don't use those words oh I thought you meant the actual people no no no no no no Russell Peters is in the house dude I one of my favorite I'm gonna say this right now I'm gonna say this right now. I'm gonna say this to the camera. One of my favorite people on Earth and in comedy. I mean, you did little things people do, little things people do that make me hate them forever. Life, you're on a list. And then there's little things people do

that make me love them no matter what. And for, now I'm gonna say this, I'm not, I'm, look at, I'm a great comic. You were very great comic. Some people might call me a legend. I would call you a legend. I'm not rich or famous, right? Now there's rich and famous. Right, but your standing will not fluctuate downward. It'll either stay where it is or go up or there's no going down for you. I'm no going down.

So you're you're in a very lofty position. I'm in a lofty position. I either go up or I stay right here with right here. I'm fine. Here's a great spot. You'll move up and you'll stay there. You're gonna keep moving up and plateauing. Every time you think you plateau, you're gonna go higher. I would like to go a little higher. I think I'm Maybe you serve it. Maybe a little quicker. Little zip. Maybe a zip. You only been doing it 30 something years, Bobby. I mean, what the fuck is your rush? I mean, you though, my friend. You are one of the motherfuckers. You, uh, I mean, you outsold Madonna in Dubai. Yeah, but that's because shot it and take wait, I'll tell you why. If she had done the like a 72 virgin tour, it would have been better. You would have been fine.

It would have been as she would have sold out. You're talking about fucking face Madonna. Oh, yeah. This is shelter challenge in Madonna. But I mean, listen, dude, you are, I mean, from the second I met you, just one of the dudes. You have a, you, you can walk the line between being the motherfucker and just hanging out and being one of the dudes. And that's hard to do because ego, you need to be big, to walk out in front of that many people, to go to Dubai and perform, to go do a huge worldwide tour.

You need an ego. I'm sorry, you need confidence, you need a little, I'm the shit. You need an ego, but you also, what I do to really fuck myself over is create a bill situation. Yeah. Where I got enough bills that I have to do this. That's right, yeah, fuck it.

That's where you got divorced. I never, the divorce was the cheapest ones. The, really? It's the baby mama's that a killer. Oh, it's the worst. What are you doing, dude? Oh, man, how many baby mama's do you have? It's just you baby mama's, but I mean, it's it's a motherfucker. Really?

What do you put Chris Rocksay? Every time you get whacked, it's $10,000. I wish it was $10,000. Really? So what are you doing? You're going to check and have a baby and they keep it. I only have two kids, but you know. Yeah, but you got kids with your new baby.

No, no, no, my wife. My wife has her own kids. So those are her kids. The older ones are her kids. You should have like a reality show. She is 31 and 29. But who's the kid? Okay, because this is.

Oh, my son-in-law. Okay, this is how nice you are. Me and Spooky, Brendan, daily, friend of mine, we're kind of doing a project together, we've been working on it for a lot of me and Spooky working on this thing. And we're in L.A., we're like, let's just go say hi to Russell.

I mean, little just drive over to your house. We call you and you're like, go in. And all of a sudden, the gate opens from wherever the fuck you are. Yeah, I open the gate. And then we go in and there's a kid at the door're like, go in. And all of a sudden, the gate opens from wherever the fuck you are. Yeah, I opened the gate. And then we go in and there's a kid at the door, is it what? Yeah, he's got my son and Lonick,

who's also my assistant now, is very deadpan with everything. And you're like, Nick, you just won the lottery. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, you're very deadpan. What are you gonna do with the money? I don't know. You happy?

Yeah, very happy. Very deadpan. What are you gonna do with the money? I don't know. You happy? Yeah, very happy. Very dead pin. Yeah, very. Cause he was like, okay, I was like, yeah, Russell said we can, he goes, he's not here. Like I know, no, no, he, we talked to him, he let us in. He said we just go hang out in the back. He was like, all right, I was like, okay,

so we went around the back and you, you got this awesome house up in the hills Right or wherever the fuck it is to panging skeins gang or whatever the fuck exactly there one of these places downtown there and We go on the back and you have this human or full of all Cubans right look to my cumidor looks like Miami It's create and you go take whatever you want just take whatever you want so I fucking dip in I Dip into you cigars a light bats me and him hanging out in the back all of a sudden you show up You got a TV show you supposed to film right? It was like your man every that day. They were doing some some show about um cancel culture right

Canada for Canada Canada and you're like yeah, it's got a film this TV show real quick I'll be out so you're in there filming a show we're out back smoking bats and then all of a sudden you just come out You're like what's up guys? That's not normal to me. Well, what's not normal famous people behavior? You know what's funny is I said take whatever you want and he takes a shitty one I Feel bad and I go what are you doing? I look at all these cigars and you picked the ones that I give to people that don't smoke.

You handed me a box of, I mean, the best cigar I've ever had. Monte Cristo number five. Yeah, I was like, smoke these, but I gave you something to smoke and I was to take these with you and smoke this year. Yeah, I mean, I still have like two left. Oh, I gotta hook you up.

No, no, no, no, no, I felt like, I feel like I said that. No, no, no, no, you bought me sticks when I was in Austin. You bought me bought me sticks when I was in Austin. You got me some great sticks when I was in Austin. Do you not recall this? I got you in April. I got you more sticks. Now I got you sticks.

Listen, I got you these sticks. I'm going to tell you about these sticks though. Okay, these are special sticks. We can't smoke them in here, huh? No, but we can smoke them after. Okay, good. All right. This is the, uh, right here, the 50 year anniversary.

This is the, uh, hip hop one. No, this is foundation. Oh, yeah. All right. This is the right here. The 50 year anniversary. This is the hip hop one. No, this is foundation. Oh, yeah, right there. The foundations of cars are great. I mean, this cigars knock you dick off. Oh, yeah, I love it. But he's the same size of my dick. Same color too. Color to put up your cheek. Let me see. Yeah. People don't know that your cheek is always your cheek is always the same color as your dick. Is it not my dick's darkest fuck my is it like the microphone? Is it really my dick's so black it's got bad credit? Yeah, but it's your is your dick circumcised yeah, yeah, oh good Helmet as they call it or an England they call it a bell end. I got you these this is the J21 Smell that sucker. Well, that's a nice to go. This is a tattoo. Why hey, J 21. Yeah, you put me on of these tattoo.

Why hates when we were in Austin. Oh, good. Dude, yeah, you put me on this. This is this is the group. This is one of my favorites. It's a guy's. This is for you. I got one.

You got no, I got your book. You got a smoke on with me. I mean, if you don't give me that one, you're going to give me one of these to smell. But check this out now. E rock from the O and A show, the expert user there came up to me when I started smoking cigars He goes look at my father smokes guys. I have this humor door with some cigars into do you want is dad passed?

I don't think so. I was just stealing from his fucking I think he quit his dementia written farm I he's never gonna know he doesn't even know my name So he shows up with this blood-ridd humor door and and these 50 of these are sitting up straight in it Right, and I'm like you got to be shitting me and inside these cigars. I only I only have those 50 of them I have three left. Well how long has it been this dude? These these the best cigar I've ever one of the best guys ever smoked now. I have three of these left pull that out Okay Still smells fresh. Oh dude dude I brought these back from

death from death I had to you I had to figure out how to do all the whole process the process to do it I went and look at that goes that's the band okay now listen now these cigars right inside here in position. This piece of art, I'll show the camera here. This piece of art, right? This right here, the artist made these for each cigar. There's only a thousand of these made for this big golf rich guy thing. And these boxes were all inside the art,

inside the box was an original piece of art from this artist. I think his name is Frank. Fuck, I forget his name. You know his art when you look at it, right? The guy, yeah. Frank the guy. But anyways, and every cigar has a little, uh, is it a new, is each one has a different piece of art in it?

No. But it's, but it's. But dude, the cap to these. Like, you can't, you can't get those. That's done. When should I smoke this? No, you smoke that next time you. I don't want it to get dried out on me. Put in the bag. I gave you a little, I gave you a, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a time you book something next time you get something big next TV show next time you get a baby

a girl pregnant you know no more fucking okay well next time you get a girl pregnant she gets rid of it oh I'll be great all right my wife 51 years old she'll give birth to a teenager she's well you I met your family this is the greatest part you going your house you hang out your family and you just hang it and you you don't feel uncomfortable. Your wife was great. The kids were great. You were relatives. But sandwiches. You ordered sandwich, dude. I can't, I mean, where the fuck does that come from?

I don't know. You know what it is. I think you're like me. We grew up not in this business. Nobody in our family was in this business. Right. So we don't know how to be industry phonies. Yeah.

So we only know how to be real people. Right. I don't know what your parents did. My parents had regular jobs. Yeah. My mom worked in Kmart. My dad worked at a meatpacking plant. And I mean, so it's not like we grew up in India.

No. It was a vegetarian meatpacking plant. No, I thought you. No, my dad, yeah, my dad moved to Canada when he was like 39 or something. But this is the weird thing. When he was 40, he moved to Canada when he was like 39 or something. But this is the weird thing. When he was 40, he moved to Canada. And my mom was only 23 or something. What?

20. Yeah, 24. She was 24. 25. Yeah, bring it up a little bit. She was 16 years old. She was 40. She was 24.

24. Yeah. So, you know, but your dad, this is the funny thing. You told me your dad used to hunt tigers. Tigers, leopards, wild boar, everything. I didn't believe you. I know. I was like, this guy's talking shit.

Right. And then you came downstairs with a tiger belt. Oh, I have, no, the picture of it. No, you came down with it. No, that would be in Canada then. No, dude. I have the tiger skin. In the skin.

In Canada. Dude. I don't have it here. I have pictures of it here because I can't. I'm gonna take it right now. I'm not gonna go against you because I can't bring it across the border because I know that they'll steal it from me. Like this is illegal. You are maybe you show me pictures. I definitely showed you. When I tell the story though, I brought the belt down. I'm gonna tell you it wasn't a belt. It was an entire skin with a head. I've been telling people you brought the belt the story though, I brought the belt in. I'm gonna tell you, it wasn't a belt, it was an entire skin with a head. I've been telling people you brought the belt in. Yeah, I'll just hold a picture of my dad laying across it

so you can zoom in on that. This is crazy to me. So in India, he was killing tigers. Well, he wasn't killing him like, you know, like a psychopath and nothing. He was just, He's gonna choke him out. Well, no, he was, they were hunters, right?

So what happened was my dad's family were all hunters. So they would get asked by local villages because my dad lived kind of in the jungle, like in the middle of nowhere. So other villages would come to my dad and be like, Hey, there's a man eater in our village. Can you get it? And my dad knew how to catch man eaters. So he would only shoot man eaters. Well, I don't understand this. So all tigers aren't man eaters? No, but once they kill a hill, he sent it to Danny after he'll throw it in the tank. Here it is right here.

Like you got it. Yeah. Yeah. Send it to Danny right now. You son of a Danny. Yeah. And then, and then so they would kind of my dad and ask him, Hey, we need, we need this tiger caught.

I mean, I'm like, all right. What's, what's a worth to you? And they would get 65 rupees. But that was so the last one my dad shot, it was already illegal to shoot tigers. Then really last one he shows like a 1962 or something like that. And it was illegal. But the government had said, yeah, you can kill this one because he's killing people in this village. Okay. So they offered him 15 rupees. 15 rupees. Which is like not even a penny, I think. And my dad was like, what?

And he looked 15 and he goes, no, how about you keep the 15 rupees and let me keep the skin? And that's the skin I have. That's the skin you had from the last one. I can't get from the last one. So he has to go out into the jungle. So he goes out into the, he figures. So he goes out to the he figures out where the goes to the village and he goes and scouts out just outside the village because

it's not going to live in the village. So he goes outside the village. He finds two trees that are reasonably close to each other. He takes an ox from my grandmother's farm. My grandmother keeps better not lose my ox because that's a lot of money, right? Oh, really? He takes the ox and ties it to the tree across like Jurassic Park. Yeah, just like that. Right? With the lamb. Oh, I never saw dress. Oh, I thought you were with me.

No, but I was playing. I'm they put the lamb. They put the lamb. The little lamb comes up in the middle with the, Oh, really? with it. So the thing would come out. So when they were driving through Jurassic Park,

these fucking things wouldn't come out. So the guy would push a button and the lamp would just come out of the ground so that you could get a look at the T-Rex. Oh wow. You know, not like that. It would tie, he tied this to the, yeah, so the tiger would be like,

I'm gonna eat this fuck. Yeah, and my dad set up a tree house in the other tree. Right. So he sets up this tree house where you can see the other tree and the and the and the ox. Right. And so he said he waits for like dusk, but he starts falling asleep. Right. Because like he's been out all day. It's hot. He's just like dozing off. And I'll like maybe around like just as the sun setting. Yeah. He hears the ox going around.

Like losing his shit. Cause you know, the ox sense of the tiger. It's a great ox by the way. Yeah. And right. Pretty good. And then my dad grabs his flashlight and his shotgun. And he puts it on the barrel of shotgun, but the shotgun metal to metal goes, and the tiger hears an unfamiliar noise and looks up at my dad. And instead of going for the ox, he leaps straight at my dad.

And they can take, they can clear that easy. So he leaps straight at my dad, my dad just panics and goes, pop and shoots and hits it right under the chin and the tiger went flying back. And then he waits, he flashes the flash head on, puts a second shot in it. And then he waits until the eyes aren't glazed anymore. And then he goes down. Are you fucking kidding? That's the actual tiger right there. I mean, there's no more terrifying animal on earth than a tiger. The eyes, I mean,

look at that. It looks like a dragon. Right. Tigers look like dragons to me. Tigers are pretty scary. My dad said that leopards are way more dangerous though. Why? I know they're more ordinary. They'll attack you much faster than a tiger would. I mean, that thing is huge. Unless your dad's really small. That was small, but that's a big ass tiger. He said it was a big ass tiger. My dad's four, too. Yeah, my dad was a buck. Ten. My dad was one of the lollipop kids. I mean, your dad's, I mean, who the fuck does that? You can get sex on that. Oh, for sure. I'm sure you bang. I might have been made on that thing.

Ah, you have a tiger blood. There's a little stiff part on the middle of it. So some of the first crusties I was gonna go say. Now that's your tie, that's yours, in Canada. Yeah. You have a home of Canada? No. What? No, I sold it right during the, right when the pandemic started.

Why? Uh, my accountant made me do a lot of dumb things. Because of the pandemic? Yeah, he needs to sell. So I sold all the shit I fucking loved. Like what? What was it? The one thing that I missed.

The, no, there's only one thing that I missed. And that's my house that I, he made me sell. In Canada. No, in LA. He made me downsize. Which house? To the house that you came to. House, you came to my downsized one.

How you came to was insane. And the house that you came to. House you came to is my downsized one. House you came to is insane. And the house I came to is awesome. The house before that was my favorite was amazing. Is that the one on the palisades? No, that was the one in Calbasis. What's the one on the beach? Malibu. You have one on the beach.

I still have that one. But I at least I don't know. I'm selling it. So if anybody wants to buy a house and man, I'll buy it. How much? And you got $10 million. Oh, it's yours, buddy. Danny, you want to buy a house and map. I'll buy it. How much? And you got $10 million. It's yours, buddy. Danny, you want to put a go from me together so we can get his house?

That'd be amazing if you did. How much is it? It's 10 million. I'll put in five. All right. Well, you know what? If if a map or so, it sucks his own dick. We'll have a down payment. Oh, it's true. I saw that. Not that part just. Yeah. Well, you didn't see that part. You can suck yours too. You said I can't suck my I'm gonna try. No, you're I can't suck my I'm gonna try No, you're gonna hurt your back. I'm gonna try. Yeah, we're not young anymore Bobby. No, no, and my dick isn't this is a young man's sport You get will you can get will still vented it all has to do this

Oh, yeah, yeah, but if I can't do this You just look like this and bend it down. He has to go like this and defend it. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a boom mic. Yeah. It's like, it's like the announcer in a boxing. I just, yeah. Ladies and was eating fish and I was like, Will that fish smells bad.

It's like bad content. That's because he caught it on a bike on the fucking East River. I feel like he did. I was like, It's fish. So what do you mean? I go, it shouldn't smell like that. Will is one of the funniest guys.

I know. Tell you put a mic in front of him. Wow. Oh, he's, he's, he's, I was saying, I was saying, I was saying,

I was saying, I was saying, He's like the Haitian already. He's, he's, he's, I mean, but the way he talks,

he makes me, he cracks me the fuck up. Yeah, he's, I don't understand a word. He says, he brings me up, it's one of he talks, he makes me, he cracks me the fuck up. Yeah, he's a guy. I just, I don't understand a word. He says, he brings me up. It's one of my favorite. Give it up. This next guy, he was doing them on,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was doing it, and then, right, Bobby Robert, yeah, Kelly. What? What the fuck? He's trying to, first of all, he's trying to get through speaking Creole the whole time. Yeah.

And so that holds him up a little bit. But look, I found this picture of me and Will from like 1995. You'll like this. And Ian Edwards is in the photo. And Ian Edwards has his long dreadlocks in it. Okay, so there's, there's Will. Jesus Christ.

That's me. Oh my God. And look at Ian with the dreads. Wow. I remember that. How's that? What was that from Boston Comedy Club? No, that was from England.

We were on tour in England together, all of us. Dude, where did you get famous, bro? I think the first place I got famous was South Africa. Well, you used to live with Big J and Keith, right? No, with Patrease and Keith. Patrease and Keith, yeah. Patrease and Keith. It was right when they were transitioning out of Vermont.

In Woodbridge. Yeah. In Woodbridge, New Jersey. I think Vermont Harris was living with him. Yeah. I remember. Keith had the room. Patrice had the room off the kitchen.

That was just the dining room. I had the couch. You have the couch. I had the couch. And these motherfuckers would stay a blade playing video games like six in the morning. And I just say, oh, just sitting in the middle and one end, leave one end without your ass and it's where I could sleep right because I don't want to sleep in Patrice's ass energy How did you get how did you get out of there and then fucking become so successful? Well, they they fucking help me because they told me I was shit

You know Patrice and Keith are. Especially Patrice. Keith will say it far more diplomatically. Patrice was like, that was the worst shit I ever seen in my life. Yeah, but Keith is an instigator behind the closed door. Patrice, tell us, tell us, tell us stupid motherfuckin' about his horse shit. Yeah, Patrice would be like,

he whisperin' Patrice's ear, this motherfuckin' don't know shit. And then Patrice would be like, yeah, and then Keith would just step back and walk and go Stupid stupid exactly There it is right there. Who's a girl? There's a girl who never made it that I don't know

I'm not sure if she's British or she's American She's British. Yeah, I'm not aware of the fuck she is. We're all holding up English money in that which is what eight pounds No, it's more I don't know how the fuck she is. But we're all holding up English money in that. Which is what? Pounds. No, it's pounds. It's worth more. I don't know how that's like a couple hundred pounds. We fucking ballin' out of control back. Yeah, you made a lot of money over there. That's a lot of money. Look at all the gold rings on one

like a fucking reject. Yeah. Was this, now was this your tour or is this a tour? No, it was just like, they're bringing American comedians to think. I remember that. Remember that before, before that English comedians that were good.

Oh, yeah. I remember doing it. I remember doing it. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. We would all go there and clean up. I never went to England. I never made that trip.

I was supposed to go to South Africa with Big J. What year? I forget. The first year I went there was 2001. Was it with Big J? No. Okay. No, this is before everybody started going over.

And that's where you made it big? The first place that I became famous and that's without like It was wild. It was a wild time. How'd you become a good self-Africa? so You know son ever in 2001 they were only out of apartheid by like Seven years. It only ended seven years before that my so 94 there was like a apartheid end and that fucking crazy I explained to my wide audience what a part-time is Well part-time is what you guys do

It was it was the the whites and the white people were number one and the blacks and the Indians and everybody not white Was a second-class citizen if a citizen at all now that switched up and Like I had an Indian man tell him because there's a lot of Indians in South Africa. They were brought over as a labor. And and as Indian man told me that it was so bad when during a part time that he used to sell ice cream on the beach. Yeah. And during a part time. And if you were, if you weren't allowed to look at a white woman, right, you literally weren't allowed to look at one. Like so they would call them call them like coolie man like a coolie is like an insult like basically an inward Yeah, okay, hey coolie. I want some ice cream. Yeah, unless you're cool. Yo, and then it's right then then it's cool

Then you he'd while he walked over and she was he's like guess you're down there. Yes, man. What would you like? I would I would like to say my strawberry cool coolie Sure, I'll get that for you and he looks down gets it hands it to her right without looking Gracias, cool. He hands him the money is and he drops the money and he goes to look for the money and she says Cause the police and says he's looking at me Oh, and they beat the shit out of him to near death. He told me was like Jesus Christ It was like that bad back then so then you know a partite ends in 1994. And so the Africa's in a full re-joicement period for the next 10, at least the next 10 years. It's a great time. And I was there for

2001 to 2000 and like late 2003. And it was amazing. Who the fuck were you doing comedy for? I do it. I there was white people. Everybody was black was black white Indian colored Malay What the fuck's a Malay Malay or like the Asian-e look in ones And then the color you know about colored people I can't say that you can I can't colored people I stop saying it No, no, no, you can't say that. No, no, no, they aren't black people. All right, don't say it colored people gonna get me in trouble You know DJ's listen colored people inside Africa's an entire race. It's called what is that they're like the greatest hits of every race

Okay, it's like they've got like the Like the the booty of a black girl, but then like the frame of a white girl But then the skin tone of an Indian girl, and then the eyes of an Asian girl, and like everything is just fucking, you're like, God damn, I'm fine. But the tradeoff is their accent is not very attractive. What does it sound like? It sounds like, like I'm the first thing I'm gonna,

so I'll be going to have sex so what? I'm a fucker. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I will if you don't talk. If you can just shut the fuck up. I'm gonna, can you just, let me get the red bull in soda? But finer than you could imagine no shit. Oh man, were they pretty? So colored don't take this out of context. Yeah, colored girl

In South Africa. It's also spelled different. What's it spelled? CoL O U R E D S. Well, that's the British spelling of color. That's why color. To the rest of the world that knows how to speak English, it's the old love you are. Thanks for making me look dumber. Honor is H-O-N-O-U-R as well. I don't have you.

I'll help you with English, Danny. Don't worry, you fucking ignorant. Danny, I need your autism as a superhero power. Not to fuck me over, okay? Apologize for that. Don't look them in the eye. Get out of the apologize for that. Don't look him in the eye. Get out of the spectrum, Danny. Don't look him in the eye,

because he flips out like, oh, white lady is back in before apartheid. He's looking at me! Hahaha! Cops just shopping beat me up. Were you looking at a white man? He was autistic. Hahaha!

Little lazy eye, he was looking at everybody. So, so you're there. You go there just for a little bit. I just go I do a comedy festival is the Cape Town comedy festival October 2000. I was supposed to do that. It was a month after 9-11. Wow. Literally a month after 9-11.

So the world had just started to open up again. Right. Now, for let's cut back to 2000, the year 2000. I was in Edinburgh with Patrice Rich and Louis again. Right. Now, let's cut back to 2000, the year 2000. I was in Edinburgh with Patrice, Rich and Lewis Shafer. Oh, not K Lewis. Not K. Yeah. Me Patrice and Rich Rich Moss. So they had their show and I had my show, but we were hanging out every day. What is this? I've always wanted to do it. It's terrible festival. It's terrible. It's not worth anybody's time. It's only good for the English people

and people in that part of the world. I don't know why they fantasize about it it's a big deal to them. I'm like, I don't get it. What did you do? What did you do there? I did a month, a month and a half of shows or something.

You have to stay there for a month and do shows. Month and a half, yeah. But I got lucky, you see. If you're not, like, my shirt was sponsored. Like, the comedy store in London sponsored me. Don Ward. Okay. It was the first year he was bringing comedians to the festival Yeah, so about me and two English comics Ian Stone and Simon Bly Okay, and we played this place called the assembly rooms and the assembly rooms is the place to play right yeah and

But I had the worst spot. I was 11.15. Every night. Okay. 11.15 On a fucking Monday night. There's nobody there. Nobody there. I performed a.55 every night. Okay. 11.55. On a fucking Monday night, there's nobody there. Nobody there. I performed one person one night. You did it. And I still did it. I was fine. I put the mic down and just told him my act.

Sure. It's talked to him. Yeah, you know, 2000. You know, 11 years into comedy at the time. I do that in front of a couple at a college in Rhode Island. And it was 10 o'clock a night in a thunderstorm. I showed up at the school they were like hoping I didn't show they wouldn't have to pay me right and I was like I'm here

and they go there's only two people I go great and I just talked to them about their lives yeah and their relationship yeah and then I added in a joke every once in a while yeah I showed up for a gig on 9-11 where in Toronto on a college gig at noon you're on a plane coming out of Boston. Yeah, okay, you know, I don't want to talk about that but I You you are the other plane that bomb you never heard about the guy that parachute it off They don't talk about that in the movies Nice nice fucking TV right there. I did the old Mr. Furley. Mr. Roper. Mr. Roper's my best. Ha ha ha ha.

I love Mr. Roper. My favorite him and Larry. Just perverted Larry playing a Greek guy, but a Jewish guy playing a Greek guy. And we all believed it. We didn't know anything about it. Everybody in TV's Jewish. I you know, it's funny as we didn't realize

that growing up, that everybody in TV was Jewish. Everybody in TV's Jewish. And all rock stars are Jewish, kind of. Kind of. Yeah. A lot of them are Jewish. A lot of the big ones. Yeah, because you know what it takes to become a musician, music class, not getting laid when you're young and your father making you take piano lessons. Yeah. And drum lessons and blah, blah, blah. And that's why I'll rock stars a little scrawny mother fuckers. Except for Gene is a big toll. Yeah, he's a big tall, but when he was little, he was a scrawny little motherfucker. And then they became, I mean, all the, the holociss is, I mean, well, just Paul and Gene really. Well, I mean, that's all a kiss. That's all you need.

Yeah. I mean, now, yeah, I would prefer the Muthason Peter, but you know, that's just me as a fan. Do you like his? I love his. I've never seen him. I've seen him five times. Really? I saw them in 82 last tour with makeup. 83 first tour without makeup. And then 96 reunion tour. Then I saw Paul Stanley at the house of Blues in LA one night.

Yeah. And then I saw them in, I was in Australia on tour and they were playing the same venues as me like the night before me. So one night it happened to catch up and I got to go to the show. It was Motley crew and kiss open on that show. It was pretty dope. That's great. I want to go see him December 1st and 2nd. I think we are getting is going to get tickets and I'm going to take my kid to go see kiss. I just kind of invited to Gene Simmons birthday party. Are you friends with him? We've hung out before. Really?

And it's pretty cool for me and like as a fan. Yeah. Like because I'm like a big, like people don't know this about me, but I'm a big kiss nerd. Really? Yeah, I just called you. What do they call their kiss fans?

Kiss army? Kiss army. Yeah, are you in the kiss army? No, my parents wouldn't do that. They wouldn't allow me to mail. I did not mail shit out back then. You could be in it now. Yeah, but what's the point?

Oh, well, it's being it now. Yeah, I don't think the army exists anymore. Yeah, it exists. What do you create? I mean, they exist, but I don't think there's like the membership club anymore. Sure there is. You think Jean let go of a dollar? Yeah, I think he flipped it into something else.

He flipped into something else. Remember when he had his, uh, his, uh, he was trying to brand the money sign? Oh, yeah, he was trying to brand the money sign. Oh, yeah, he was trying to brand everything branded. He, he copy written, he copy wrote, uh, OJ. What do you mean? Orange juice. No shit. Yeah, he owns the copyright to OJ.

If you say OJ on TV, there's a lot of OJ. He's talking kidding me. Yeah. There you go. Kiss army. Uh, give me a favor. Fill it out for him and pay for it. And I'll pay you back.

Okay. We'll fill it out for you. The problem is they're going to send you pictures with Tommy and Eric in it. You don't like that. I don't like that because you could tell they don't even look like Paul Acergy. Oh, Peter. Acer Peter. Scroll up. I mean, sorry. Um, see? Look at Tommy. His head's too weird and and Eric's head's not same as Peter's. Just a makeup is. Yeah, I know. But what are you going to do?

And look at Tommy's weird goofy fucking outfit now. Here's a problem with Peter. When you hear him talk, it's like, oh, this is an asshole from Brooklyn. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? It was like weird here. He was my favorite.

Yeah, I was an A-sky. You were an A-sky? I was an A-sky. I was a cat. I love the cat. I just thought A-sky was cool, because the smoke came out of his guitar and everything. I used to love the cat,

because I like when you get your face painted, like, kiss as a kid. Yeah. You have to love the cat, because I like when you get your face painted like this as a kid, they have to paint your nose and it tickled when they did it right here. And you're like, looking at people, I'm here. Yeah. I would definitely, I heard their un-fucking believe.

But Jay told me that it's one of the best shows they've ever been to. When did he go last? When did he go last? He went to them last time. He said, him and Christine said it was just a fun show. I know, but Paul's voice is gone now. They're all gone. No, no Paul's voice is gone gone I know but like you can go to YouTube and pull up a clip of Paul talking at a show and he's like I

He sounds like DMC from run DMC remember DMC's voice went but from somehow DMC got his voice back really but Paul's voice is shot We just went to metallic the last night. I was at dude Crazy, you know, it's really amazing for me is my daughter who's 12 is Into all that stuff now. Yeah, my my son that's 10 is Totally into concerts loves Metallica. Yeah loves we went to the cure Which I want to be to myself. He's she's in I think it's a must be this generation and which is amazing They just love music because my daughter's like daddy. Do you like Metallica? I go, I pull out my phone. Yeah.

I go, like Iron Maiden, she goes, yeah. And I go, and I'm showing her all the stuff. I put her on a slayer, I put her on a testament, I put her on to all that stuff. And she likes the Smiths, New Order, the Gear. Yeah, we're good loves, every, he loves it. Rand, Rand. The cure is garbage.

I mean, they got some good songs. Name one. I don't know the names. Yep. Love song, love song. What love song? How's it go? Every song they say every song they sing and love cats. Right sing that one How's it go love cats? What the fuck are you saying? Stop it!

It's the worst. Listen, the songs that I did know, I was like, I can tolerate this. First of all, I went to the concert I wanted to kill myself. Right, well that's what they're made for. Yeah, I don't want to kill myself. I enjoy my life right now. And I don't want to pay myself. I enjoy my life right now. Right. And I don't want to pay $750 to want $750 bucks. Yeah, do it. I pay $750. I brought my wife who loves the band and Max who

loves the band. Why don't you just send them to? I wanted to, but big J wouldn't let me just not go. Him and Christine went and then Sal. Sal. Abatella. Not Sal. Abatella. Sal.ate. Abate, Abate. Salabatello was the guy that started to be a fever in the Bronx. No, not Salabatello. No, Sal Vocano from he got a box. So Joe DeRosa, Ari, although Chrissy D. They were all in his box. They were like, and we were like, Well, they didn't have to pay for their tickets.

No, of course not. Why didn't you go with them? because I'm not a member of that click You're not down with the cells. I'm not down with the same. I mean, I love south south loves me with friends But I'm not a hey come to this concert. No, no, they're actually all on a text thread. That's a group chat Yeah, they're in a group chat. They're I'm not in it and I've asked to be in it. I was actually told J Was like dude you You know because I took outing you well I could go for the bonfire right and I was gonna be in this Tat this chat with a bunch of people and I never I never got the invite which means

They were like, you know the secret society was like X-Nay on the Bobo a Yeah, I think they must which means they talk about me which means I I'm too fun to talk about right you know, the secret society was like X-N-A on the Bobo A. Yeah, I don't think they must have. Which means they talk about me. Which means I'm too fun to talk about. In the chat, I'm too, I'm too fun to trash. You know what it is, you're too deep in the chat where they're like, we can't delete all the conversations.

We can't delete, we, fat bob is in here. Yeah, yeah, we want fat bobby, not this bobby. People like fat bobby, dude. I mean, you're still a good size, you know what I mean? I mean, that hurts. No, like I mean, you're still a good size, you know what I mean? I mean, that hurts. No, like, I mean, like you're a nice healthy. I mean, you're getting better, but I mean, I mean, it's like, like, you know, you're not, you're not,

you're not fucking, you know, scrawny. Sure, but you're not, where we like, fuck Bobby better, not walk up those stairs, he's gonna die. Now, like, oh Bobby, come on, let's go upstairs. And we go, all right, good. Come on, you fat fuck, let's go. But now we can call you that and not worry, because we're on, let's go upstairs and we go, all right, good. How long you fat fuck? Let's go.

But now we can call you that and not worry because we're like, he's not a fat fuck anymore. Well, it's funny because when you lose weight, like, uh, Drogo was, somebody I think Ari said, it looks good. He goes, he lost a lot of weight. He goes, he still has something to go. Who, Ari said that? No, you Rogan said, Rogan? Yeah.

He's still has something to go. I was like, yeah, I do if I'm going to be competitive sports. Yeah, but as a dad to a pollock from Boston I'm good. Yeah, you know, you're much better than you were. I'm very good. Yeah, you know, you don't snore when you're when you're awake now I started mouth taping. Did you yeah, I love it. What do you mean? I use hostage tape for you when you sleep it? Yeah I When I cover when I hostage tape and I know it's weird and people are like, dude, folk and you shouldn't do it. You can die, right? Nope. No. No. No. Your beak works just fine. I mean, I have a deviated. It's not the one. Yeah.

But when you close your mouth, you're supposed to breathe like this. Close your mouth. And just breathe. Just slowly breathe. Yeah. My nose is huge. It's going to blow the fucking. You'll get nose is huge. It's going to blow the fucking thing. You'll get way more ready. Good. So when your mouth opens, you know, stop. Sparkings. I want it is. You spoke. We're supposed to breathe

through our nose, not our mouth. We're not supposed to go. That's mouth breathing. That's from being fat fox. You know what I mean? We're supposed to go. Yeah, when I'm on my back, I do that. Yeah, you're supposed to lie like this, or lie inside.

I'm a side sleeper. And ever since I started using hostage tape, which is this company, it's called hostage tape. Yeah, yeah. I'll send it. I'll send you something. Yeah, please, it'll be good.

I'll send you something. I'll send you something. Dude. Babe, what's this hostage tape doing about that? Um, yeah, I come up. Just shut the fuck up. I cover my mouth and I sleep. I go ram, dude.

I get ram. Really? I wake up. I knocked the whole night, but way more than what I'm like. I wake up in the morning, my mouth is dry. Oh, yeah, I don't like that either. I hate it. Now, I just, before I go to bed, I just put it on.

And I just relax. You have to relax. If you let me pull the hairs on your face or nothing. No. No, it just goes on your lips Really it's not like a fucking no go it goes up here But it really just goes and you know and it just lightly keeps your mouth shut so you're not You know like that catching flies all night, and I swear to God. I've gotten better sleep I'm not afraid to try this. I will send you something. Please do. I will send you some to your address

Dude one thing about you that I fucking love you are always dressed The shit. I'm just wearing fucking t-shirt and the baseball. It's not dude. This t-shirt is crazy. Where'd you get this? Crazy legs from rock steady crew had had to send to me bomb the hat This guy sent it to my house and I wore it. Pants, black quarterways, expensive. Not other from H&M. Yeah, expansive. For 20 bucks.

If you're homeless, they're expensive. There's me right there. Look at that. That looks like it looks like somebody put a sharpie on your mouth. Yeah, it's a shut my mouth. Look at that. I go right to bed. Sneakers Ted Baker, bang, expensive,

not outlet, fuck off. Hunter bucks, the wedding ring. Well, wedding ring, my wife made me get this. It's beautiful. And don't even, I mean, I can't deny this is a nice piece right here. I see it. Is that the stainless steel?

That's a stainless steel panda. It's hard to get. It's the original one though. It's not the new one. Hard to get there. Can I try it on? Yeah, of course. What are you rocking today panda. It's hard to get. It's the original one though. It's not the new one. Hard to get there. Can I try it on? Yeah, of course. What are you rocking today? I'm working the moonwatch. Oh, yeah, I'm walking the omega omega. Yeah, moonwatch. It's the sapphire sandwich though. Flip it over. Oh nice. Nice looking. But this this is This is the motherfucker right here. Look at that. Looks beautiful on you. I mean, dude. Jesus Christ.

I mean, it's insulting me. You're not even trying my watch on. Oh, no, no, no. I don't want to run my wrist. I mean, you can just put it on. I mean, just check it out. Let me just try it. Let me see what this is like.

Oh, yeah. It's a horizontal mega. Yeah. Like, I mean, dude, come on. That watch looks good. As much as your wrist. Same size as yours. Look at this. It's a little baggy on you. All right, whatever. It's snug on me. Call me fat. I call me thin wristed. I don't know if I like it.

That's you. How much your chubby thin-rested guys. No, you can't do pushups. Your wrist will break. So I go to the Metallica concert with Max last night. All right. Did you guys get to meet them or anything? No, well, big J. Big J's friends with somebody in the band, one of the bands, and we're supposed to get into the snake pit in the middle, month now, snake pit, snake pit. I've been telling my son, dude, we're getting in the snake pit,

we're getting in the snake pit. I showed him we're watching YouTube videos on the snake pit. If you don't know, the stage is round, okay? And they come out and they play every part of the stage. Okay, so there so you know you'll get the drum comes up here goes down four songs comes up here. Oh, that's though So it goes all in and you know James goes the whole band just goes around but in the middle is the snake pit Right, there's look at it, but that's not it, but it's well. That's fucking cool right? Look at it. But that's not it. But it's. Oh, that's fucking cool. That's a square one. But the one they have is bigger is the round snake. That's that's large. I'll say

it again. It's not the one. Please take it off and get the snake pit. That's not it. Snake pit. Now. No, 2023 fuck faces. I mean you guys are terrible. Yeah, this is my Rogan shows successful because his guy Jamie knows how to go over to the left over to the left. I mean down one Down one. Nope. No, that's the band. That's the band pit. Oh my I mean you are that is that it. That's it. Yeah That's not it. That's not it. No, it's round. It's round. I see the one in the middle there. Yeah, yeah Yeah, the other one. Nope. That's not it. I hate above you, but I hope I hope there it is. That's not it. That's not it. No, it's round. It's round. I see the one in the middle there. Yeah, yeah. The other one. Nope. That's not it. I hate above you. I hope I hope. Yep. There it is. That's it. That's it. Okay. That dude. Look at that stage. So in the middle, they go all around that whole stage. So you see them from every angle. I mean, dude, they cut you. You'll get, you know, everybody in the band in front of you at one point, especially if you're in the snake snake pit.

And I was telling Max, I mean, we were watching literally documentaries like not, but like fan things about the snake pit. You're getting, you're getting prepared for it. Yeah, we got the last night, no pit. And Jay got the tickets. And he's like, there's no pit. I don't know if they're getting the pit. And then he's got a text of the guy, but the guy he's supposed to go on stage. I'm certain now.

Is it a guy in Metallica? No. Opening band. Yeah. Who opened for them? Five Fanger Death Punch. Well, that's a big band. Big band.

Great band. That's a big band. They're so good. They killed it. They fucking bad company. Fuck, I mean, great. Max is a big fan of five Fanger Death Punch. So you got two in one that night.

But the thing is that he was really disappointed. I mean, dude, at one point and it kept, well, maybe we will. And then they brought us down to the floor, but we couldn't get close enough. And we're not getting in the snake pit. Maybe we will. Maybe the guy and I felt so bad for Jay, but he kept checking his phone. Yeah, he's embarrassed, you know, And then we go outside before Metallica comes on to Maxx, go, Dad, can I talk to you?

I go, yeah, and he brings me over and goes, it hurts. Why, he said it? No. I go, what? He goes, I thought we were going to the snake pit, Dad. And it hurts right here. And he points to his pit.

To his soul. And the pit of his stomach. Yeah. And he goes, I pit to his soul. And pit of a stomach. Yeah. And he goes, I don't know how to get rid of it, dad. And I was like, Max, I'm so sorry. I feel bad too. He goes, Dad, can we get in the snake pit? And I was like, oh, fuck my whole career.

Like I should have tried harder. Yeah, you should have. Yeah, I should have. I know he left it to one man. I mean, it's your kid. You know, listen, Jay loves you. I'm Max, but he didn't love Max the way you love Max. No, not at all. Like disappointment to Max and Jay. Doesn't he? He doesn't love me the way he loves Dan. Dan would have got the snake pit. Which Dan, Dan Soda. Oh, yeah, Dan would have got it for sure. But but Dan's on a hit TV show, so. Oh, yeah, I did what I got it for sure, but but Dan's on a hit TV show, so

He was on a hit radio show too until he quit and I replaced him. There you go. Ha, but He yeah, I felt I felt so I was like listen man. It's good. We're you know, and I was just like we're you know, I I It sucks It sucks. Yeah, we're not getting in the snake pit But we have great seats. He goes the good good seats, man. I love it, Dad. Thanks to Jay. I don't want to make Jay feel bad, but it hurts. I don't make Jay feel bad. So listen, you take this hit for me, pop.

How's your Jiu Jitsu going? So while this is the funny part, we go back to our seats. We had to go up and around, come back down and we sit in our seats. Guess who's sitting out front? Who? Dave Mustaine. Cause you know Dave Mustaine's a brown belt now in Jiu-Jitsu. He is, no.

And so isn't the guitar player from Firefringer Deathmunch? What? Trains with this guy. You ready? Who's sitting in front of us? Hey, Hanzo, look at that. Hanzo, I'll send this to you, Danny.

Hanzo Gracie's right in front of us, and I'm looking in the mic. I just said, sir, how are you? I'm, you know, I'm honored to meet you. My son trains with Igor Gracie. And he lit up. Oh, he's the sweetest man on the planet. I couldn't believe he lit it.

Once I said he trains with Igor, Gracie up, and he just right onto Max shook his hand. You come down train with, come down a train in New York. The blah blah blah, and I was like, oh my God. So then Max has got the Mrs. shirt, you know the Mrs. from WWE. Right, yeah. He's got a shirt that says, I got huge balls.

And he's got his death metal coat on that the fan made. He's got the vest, the metal vest. And it's got his name on it and Metallica on the big looks the shit. Max looks rocking. And, and he goes, it takes a video. And he's, you know, max is this with, I mean with Hanzo Gracie Hanzo's the best and he's planning and he goes to and he shows me and he goes to phones where I go, yeah, yeah, yeah I want my number because he's gonna send it to me right and I'm like, okay, and I go to get a phone He pulls it away and he's like, no, no, and I go, yeah, you know nine one seven

He goes, no, no, no. And he shows it. He's like, and he's sent it to James. Hatfield. He sent it to the lead singer of a talent. Oh, that's great. And he's, I mean, crazy. I can get you that photo if you want it. Really?

Yeah, I'll text Hands of Rain. I do want, it was a video. No, it's okay. I got it. I know Hands of very well. Tell him I said hi. I mean, tell him Max said hi. But I felt like an asshole, because I'm trying to give him my phone. He know hands are very well. Tell him I said hi. I mean tell him max and I But I felt like an asshole because I'm trying to give him my phone. He doesn't want my number. I got it

I just texted him for you. That's crazy. Do you train with him right? I've trained I've trained with him I've trained with his brother Hal Flaught, but I train with John Jack Machado. I'm thinking of taking it. Should I oh? You'd love it. I'm scared of 52 Don't worry. Yeah, but what if I get hurt? You're not gonna get hurt until you get better at it. You're not gonna get hurt early. You're gonna get hurt later. Did you get hurt?

As I'm just an any injury I got from Jujitsu, I did to myself. Whoa. Like I fucking did something. I made him. You're not gonna get hurt by somebody else. You're gonna fuck yourself up when you get hurt. No, but at least you have that. Don't touch me. You have that knowing. Who's not gonna get hurt by somebody else. You're gonna fuck yourself up when you get hurt. No, but at least you have that knowing.

Who's not gonna touch me? Listen. You know, new Patreon here. How much? Fuck you, YouTube. How quick, Russell Peters make you come. Well, what's his name, sucks, is dead. Try it.

He just turns into a weird dead. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just turned into a weird podcast. So we make 20 million. Yeah, let's do this. Let's just do this. How's your brother doing? He's good. Yeah. He lost a lot of weight too.

He did the same thing you did. He did it. Yeah, he did it. He did it in 2018. And he kept it off. For the most part. I mean, he fluctuates, but it's not, he's not going to go back to what he was. Right.

He was big. Yeah, he was a big boy. He was at the point where he's walking with a cane. No shit. Yeah. So he's done. It's all done. Yeah.

He's healthy now. I wouldn't say he's healthy, but he's never. I mean, you really nobody's going to check. I mean, you may be into honest now. I mean, I, that's my problem. I mean, I said I'm far, I lost the weight. You're like, well, you still got some more to go. No, no, I didn't say that Joe's Rogan.

It still hurts. You're right. But Joe, listen, Joe will look at all of us and say we got more work to do. I mean, in every part, you're gonna have to stand. I just, Rogan works out like fucking three times a day, like an animal. I know.

And he's got no reason to. He could just get fat and count his money, but he doesn't. Now he doesn't. I see that he's not like us. He doesn't want to just enjoy life. Who's your best friend in comedy? A best friend in comedy.

I don't know who that would be. To Robert Kelly or an icon. I could have I did. I don't know. Who would be my best friend in comedy? I don't know. Maybe Ruben Paul or. He died. That's Paul Ruben Paul or he died.

That's Paul Rubens. Oh, sorry. I apologize. Yeah. Ruben Paul's black. Yeah. Ruben Paul, Joey Medina, Cedric De Anitaneer. No shit.

Yeah. Look at there it is. Look at it. Look at that. I mean, how cool is my kid? Look, that's a great jacket too. Handsome hasn't replied yet. Maximus.

Maximus. That's his name. Let's Handsome has never applied yet. Uh-huh. Ha-ha. Maximus. Maximus, that's his name. That's dope. Who made him that? Uh, fan. Oh, really? Yeah, fan of the fan of the bonfire made him. Oh, that's awesome.

Yeah, I mean, he made it, I gotta, I forgot I gotta have Venmo that guy. Shit. Oh, Larry's. Somebody sent you something. You don't send him the money. It was made by Eric Cup Piro. Who who I don't make that just a guy read That's funny is Danny's the one that deand me from your account. I go fuck. I thought this was Bobby's account

Ericie piro. It's a Viking werewolf. This guy is amazing. What a great guy. I gotta e- What a great guy haven't paid him yet. I'm gonna pay him tonight Make sure I pay him right now. Once you're doing we're on the air. Okay. I'll just be part of the patreon Why don't you pay him? I mean I don't if I had a pay pal. I do it. I'm just saying yeah, Danny. How much do I owe? $70 Send him a hundred Okay, I mean I mean it's leech to get this is can you type his Venmo in there a hundred bucks? Yeah, publicly other but else Rolex boy I mean, it's leech to get this. What is, can you type his Venmo in there? 100 bucks. We'll see it publicly. But I've been Rolex boy.

Just saying, you want, I'll give you the 100 bucks. It's for Max. I got it. I got it. Max is my buddy. I know. He loves you. You sent them a stuffed animal.

I sent them some jujitsu stuff last time. You went back to it tonight. I almost, it's so funny. You gave me the jujitsu hat. Remember that? Mm-hmm. So you sent them the jujitsu stuff. You sent cigars.

So I'm so glad I didn't do this. I almost wore his Jiu-Jitsu hat to Metallica. You could have had that sense of cousin. I know, but I would be wearing a Jiu-Jitsu hat. And that's like, what is that thing when you were claiming false valor? Yeah, what is it? What is it? Yeah, it's like false valor.

No, but it's not false valor. We're both idiots. What's it called? Stolen valor. Stolen but it's not false. We're both idiots. What's it called? Stolen Valor stolen Valor false stolen that stolen Valor Valor. The only sent them to 70 Yeah, that's the two. I mean I said send them a hundred bucks. That's the Jew. I'm gonna send them Who's the Jew Danny? Yeah, yeah, but what does that guy do with you because I want to send him? He's never fucking mix. I'm sending them a hundred money bags fucking 100 bucks. No, hey without confirming. Yes, I'm not confirming. I paid him, okay?

Eric. His name's Eric. Hey, Eric, we're really sorry about Bobby's delay on your payments. I'm sorry. You know, the kids wearing the shit the concert, she's promoting it, but he's not paying you. I mean, it's, you know, I'm, I'm not for this enough.

Yeah. I mean, you could have made me want to. I mean, we could have both won. I mean, there's only so much material. You know, you know Danny, right? I do. Yeah. From where? I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you a little story. What? No is the wrong word. What? I don't know. He. You've met. You've met. Okay. You don't remember meeting him. I mean, you'll jog my memory. And I'll remember. No, he won't. Look at his face. I mean, did you have a beard when I met you? No, but he now's face is different.

He had those fucking eyebrows. I know, I just forget those. I'm tired. I should have been. I'll be honest with you, it's summertime, Danny. Those should have turned into butterflies by now. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It looks like Bert and Ernie. It looks like Bert and Guy Smiley. You met Danny. So you want to tell a story, Danny? Yeah, he does.

He really does. He lives a microphone in his hand. I got a mic. Let me talk. I got it. Years ago, you, not five years ago, you were at that stadium in Queens, the course, literally five years to this month. Really?

Wow. Can you stop real quick? Can you bring the worst picture of Danny ever on the screen? I could show you something that's going to make you want to tell you. Literally five years to this month. Really? Wow. Can you stop real quick? Can you bring the worst picture of Danny ever on the screen so people can show you something that's going to make you want to kill yourself? Yeah. Me and him. No, all of us.

Oh, perfect. That's it. Please bring that up of Danny. What do I want to say? I can't tell the story and do that at the same time. Bobby, we'll talk about you while you're fixing it up to Danny. So five years ago, five years ago, Danny. I did Marrital Stadium.

You did Forrest Hill Stadium. In Queens. In Queens. Do you only do stadiums now? No, I do arenas. No, I do. What are you going back to Dubai? Um, actually, I got a tour set up in the fall.

When am I going to go with you to Dubai? Do you want to go? I do. Would you open for me? I would fucking open for you in two seconds. Could I open? Are you sure? Hell yeah, you could.

I could. Yeah, I don't give a shit. How long is it though? It's not like a month, right? It's a long one. This is how long? How long? We're going to see here's where we're at.

The plan is we're doing the Middle East. Then we do South Africa and then we do India and then we come home. So you leave like November 5th, and you're not back till December. God damn. What the fuck is that? What is that? Isn't that the shirt that says you're killing me, small ass? I printed that on a pillow. I printed on a pillow and get the, it, it, it, do it right.

And did the pillow have pimples, too? Can you please print that on a pillow? I want to give it to the castle. I could get, I'm sending it to you. It's a ready, that's a picture of the pillow. I want that on your couch. I think it's great that you brush your teeth now though. I thought you had frosted mini-wheat. Oh, man.

You like them and Danny Plack attack. Why is he Yamaka Square? Is that so a fit you had? Tilted to the side too. Please said that to me. I need to. I need to. All right. So this. Anyways, I do have to do the whole thing. Can I just do buy?

You want to buy when I don't know if we're doing a date in Dubai, but we're going to go and hang out for a week and do buy. Because we have a week off in the middle of the tour. I want to go or you could fly home for the week and come back. I mean, it's up to you. I want to go to Dubai to where you told me the guy just opened up the Rolex store and was just giving you a Saudi Arabia. Yeah, let's go there. We are on, we're going there on this one. Are you really? Yeah. I mean, this story is, I don't know that that will

happen again. Can you please tell people about it? Yeah. I think they might have been like, so you think we ought to joke? And I'm like, no, I don't think it's going to happen twice. Hey, walk you under, open the Rolex door for you. So the long story short, this guy comes to meet me and I was making fun of him the night before. And I thought he was like coming to break my balls now. Right. Or kill you.

He's not like, because I said I like the wardrobe. And he's like, I want to take you to a local market to buy you the clothing. And I'm like, oh, that's really nice of you. But I got to go and flying out today. I got to go home and pack. And we got to go to the airport. What time is your flight? And I'm like, blah, blah, blah.

And I'm like, I'll go with you. And I'm like, all right, sure. So he comes back to my hotel and I go, I got to go to the Rolex store. Um, I made an appointment because you have to make appointments. I mean, I gotta go to the Rolex store. I made an appointment because I have to make appointments. I made an appointment at the Rolex store. I want to see what they got. I'll go with you. And he goes in the Rolex store with me.

And I'm looking at things and I'm like, what about that? When he tells me the price, I think that's wrong. I think that's the same price at home. He's like, well, this one, I don't think these prices are any better. I was wrong. Watch I liked was $55,000, $50,000 at home. And there was $35,000 there. I'm like, but I had the prices right.

I thought it was $35,000 at home too. I was like, no, that doesn't seem right. And then I'm, and the guy, he goes, what do you like? I go that one. He goes, well, I don't you get it. I go, because I think the price is the same. It doesn't really make a difference to me. And he goes, and says something, I hear that.

I'll hear that and goes, just pick, pick, I hear the other guy, and he goes, just pick, pick something. And I, okay, that, okay. Do you have wife? I go out at the time I had a girlfriend. I have a girlfriend. Who goes out to something? So I pick something with like diamonds

and shit like that mother of a pro face. And he goes, okay, go, go get ready. And I go, okay, I got, I pull out my car. I go, I got to pay the guy, he goes, just go. So I leave, go to my hotel room, start packing up my shit and maybe 10 minutes later I hear, open the door, this guy from the Rolex store with two bags, here you go, sir. And I go, what do they sign this?

I think and they signed it to my room or something. Right. This guy paid for it. Wow. I mean, and it was like, you know, these are not cheap watches. I was like 80,000 dollars worth of watches there. What do you do? I was like, thank you so much. I mean, what it was like, you know, these were not cheap watches. I was like 80,000 dollars worth of watches there. What do you do?

I was like, thank you so much. I mean, what do you do? Like, it's so generous to the point where you're like, I don't know how to... It's shocking. It's shocking. I'm like, well, I don't know how to accept this. I'm going to, but I don't know how.

Yeah. I don't know how to like show enough gratitude. Right. It's almost like when I gave you those cigars tonight. Yeah, I know. Listen, I'm excited about these. You were like, you didn't know what to do. I was so overwhelmed with gratitude. You didn't know.

It read as, you know, as like this guy doesn't give a fuck, you know. It read as, you know, ungrateful. Is it read, you know what I mean? So I want to, if you replay this on Patreon, you'll know that gratitude is just immense. I want to, if you replay this on Patreon, you'll know that on the gratitude is just immense. I want to bring you back. Danny, let's get to the bottom of Danny's story now. I want to bring up the photo first.

We have to see this. I want the, wait the same fucked up photo. I want, because they can only hear him. They can't see him. Oh, right. This is the man that's talking right now.

Okay. Danny, go ahead. So five years ago, you were at that Forest Hills stadium. I think we covered this four times now, Danny. And you, I bought a ticket. I was at the show hill stadium. I think we covered this four times now, Dan. And you, I bought a ticket. I was at the show.

You tweeted or posted on Instagram after party at some hotel in Long Island city. Yes. And then I think it was also on the screen at the venue. There were 15,000 people at the stadium. So I go to this hotel bar for the after party, thinking everyone from the show was in a callout. And I think I may have been the only fan

from the 15,000,000 people at the show, and I may have been the only person, and then you roll up with your posse, and I felt like I crashed your private party. No, not at all. I'm not like that, did I invite you in? No, you were very, very nice. But I thought it was gonna be mostly fans and you,

and it was you, your and me like all the rappers I grew up with and that guy yeah and then I meet you and talk you were very very nice. Oh, good. I stood there uncomfortably until I left because I took a photo. I took a photo. Where's the photo? I Could pull it off please. What the fuck? Looking like fucking You look like Jeanne Gravelos asshole I could pull it off. Please, what the fuck would you look at? You're looking like fucking. You look like Jeanine Garavolo's asshole. Look like you're just wearing extra in the bad news bears.

Do you remember it? Does it even affect you? Can you even remember the party and the show and everything? You don't remember the solo geek thing? I'm trying to remember that. Should have scared the shit out of you. I don't know. I don't know how he wasn't scared.

It was just a room full of black people. Haha. Haha. But I don't why did more people show up? That was nuts. I don't know. I think as the weather that night member was raining a little bit and. Didn't stop Danny.

Yeah, just up Danny. Danny was down, but Danny took a bus. Wow. Danny, did you take a bus? No, I took the train. No, the Uber to your home, Danny. Oh, you know, how to know. If you were going to. I was there with my baby mama. She was pregnant at the time. Really? No, I took the train. No, the Uber, your home, Danny. You know, how did I know?

I was there with my baby mama. She was pregnant at the time. Really? And nobody knew she was pregnant. Only I knew. Well, poor Danny was there, hoping you'd adopt him. I know, he'd probably a better deal. That's funny. Do you got it?

Yeah, I'm sending you to Max. Oh, this is gonna be great. I can't wait to see this photo. I want to see this photo. The buildup on this photo. Just to see your face. I want to see my face. I want to see what my face is doing in this. Oh, I know what you I'll tell you I can read my face and I'll tell you exactly what I was doing. Okay, pal.

I'll tell you if it was a great guy or if it was the okay pal, let's take this photo. I bet your Danny's face is the exact same. Yeah, that's the okay pal face. That's the this guy is scaring the shit out of me. I mean, I've never seen you that uncomfortable. You look like he has a gun to your back of your spine. Yeah. I look chocolatey. You really do look fucking Dominican.

Yeah. Oh, Danny, look how fucking happy Danny is. And look how uncomfortable he is. I think Danny's thumb is in my ass, never. Ha ha ha. You look, I swear to God, you look like you're a hostage. I think I was sitting down or something. Oh my.

I think that's what my leg got. I thought, sure, I think I wasn't eating. Sure, I wasn't eating. Ha ha ha. Ooh, oh, oh, daddy. Yeah, daddy, is that your phone? Yeah, probably. Who took the photo, fuck, and run DMC?

I think I did. I think I did. I always take I take control of the selfie. You do. You took your girl to the selfies. Oh my god. How happy. Are those the same glasses, Danny? Yes, it is. We don't pay him that much five years later. I think so. Yeah. I check pal. You need to know how worse can they get? He's just going to be blind and get a cane and a dog at that point. Might as well get diabetes if you're gonna go blind? So you go, what are you doing?

I almost, the shirt I'm wearing, I almost wore that today. Why didn't you? I, because I didn't think I didn't realize it. Why, now let me ask you guys, when is this tour happening? I'm, it's the same, same tour that's been going on for over a year now. So you just go, you just continue, Torch. I continue, this is the end of it now.

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Vuelve la Champions después de un mercado de fichajes donde los árabes nos han goleado. Los club europeos tendrán que apostar por su plantilla, pero tú con creata apuesta de codere podrás apostar a distintos resultados en un mismo partido para aumentar la emoción y la posibilidad de multiplicar tus ganancias. Descárgate la app, registrate en codere.es y creato apuesta. Codere, más de lo que esperas. Oh, I don't know dude the TV show I loved it. Oh Indie and detective I thought I loved it. It was fun. It was a fun. It was a stupid silly Netflix show Yeah, that was if you haven't seen is it still on Netflix? I don't know like Netflix doesn't fuck with me So they probably took it off. Oh, why don't they fuck it? I don't know they don't talk about it

Yeah, we'll talk about it later. Yeah, I think I'm blackball there for sure black ball. Yeah for sure Why? How is black ball? Yeah sure black ball. Yeah, for sure Black ball they don't tell you your black ball. You just know you are. Is that what happened to me? No, you've never you've never been well Got there. Okay. Yeah, you're good. So I'm good. That's why you're where you're at is perfect You're uncancellable. Yeah, because because nobody will know what happened Yeah, Bobby. It's a bad. You're associated with Louis, you know, so you're like, well, he's fringe canceled. You know what I mean?

Bobby Finker fucked an open mic. Who? Don't worry about that. And let's say who they mean, which one? Yeah. I got some questions for you. Go ahead. You ready?

Yeah. Are you hungry? No. Really? Yeah. What are you fasting? No, I ate already. What'd you eat? I had a whole lot of cart. Oh, what you up at 47th Street? No, 44th and 6th. 44th and 6th. The good ones on 47th. I've been to that one too. The one the line. The one down on Avenue of America. Six, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the best one, right? Yeah, that's the one right out like near Fox and all that yeah Yeah, yeah, so it's me that one's a line all night long. Yeah, I don't fall for the hype they're making the same shit

Nobody's doing anything. I just found out what halal is Fuck guys we'll be back Bobby's having a stroke Tune into the patreon to see the stroke happen live and to see him suck as I'm doing a mapper's year And Russ is gonna jerk him off as he's dying uh... i'm going to do my uh... my cross country skiing scene dude halal is they believe hello hello hello it's just muslim kosher it they that is it is that what is so i asked when i asked my jewish friend today

i was at the july store they put the Jew in jewelry. What, two, you really? Yeah. Yeah. And you're fucking, the artistics love you, dude. Cause they hear the same things I hear. I might be on the spectrum, I don't know. 100%, yeah, 100%.

They should be doing your part. I must be, you know, I, I, cause, okay, one of the things that artistic people do, I think, is like, they say things without knowing they said something, right? I have a bad habit of saying the wrong things to people when I first meet them and set a fucking precedent for how bad

the rest of this relationship will be. Really? Like, give an example. Yeah, please. I was at just for laughs in 96. First time I went there. Seven years in the business, don't know how to shmooze,

don't know how to be around industry. They're giving them a million dollar deals back then. And I'm like, I'm gonna go to this festival and I'm gonna get a deal and I'm gonna become a star. Nothing happens here anyway. But the sky tells me, hey, that girl over there, she books this late night talk show. She's the booker for it. I can't say who and I can't say what show. Can I want to fucking embarrass her? Can we rhyme it? You know, let's just, because I'll tell you,

you'll understand why I can't say that in a minute. So that girl right there, books, this late night talk show, make sure you, when you see her, say something to her, so she remembers you and then maybe, get in a radar. I'm like, okay,

and she's not a very attractive woman at all. Right. Like, like, like, and she's not a very attractive woman at all. Right. Like, like, like, Danny's a better-looking woman. Right now, in that picture, Danny's a better-looking woman. You know what I mean? So, and she's built like Old Bobby. Oh, really? Yeah, so Old Bobby with that face.

Oh, God. So, I think that's illegal. Right. So, I'm like, I'm at this, that midnight party they have, where they have like a buffet. Remember those midnight parties? It was like dancing and a buffet. Yeah. Yeah. And I see like, I'm at the midnight party they have, where they have like a buffet. Remember those midnight parties? It was like dancing and a buffet. Yeah.

And I see her at the buffet and I go, oh, now's my chance. So I walk over to the buffet and my friend goes, hey, there she is. Go say something. She's grazing. Yeah. So I'm like, I get up to the table and I start getting food

and she's like, right, I go, hi. She goes, hi. And I go, she goes, I have a good time. I go, yeah, I go. You must be important. And she goes, wow, why do you say that? I go, because goes, I have a good time. I go, yeah, I go. You must be important. And she goes, wow, why do you say that? I go, because all the good looking chicks are out there having an acting stupid.

She goes, what? And I go, I'll see you later. And I just walked away. So that's one. That's one of many that I've said dumb things too. What? Because I don't know. I panic.

I'm thinking, maybe I'll say something that'll, maybe some gold will come out of this, right? Well, how would calling a chick not the good looking one? I was trying to impress that she was not looking important. The fat tub of shit getting fucking meatballs at midnight. Okay, about six or seven years ago. I'm at... uh, why don't you throw a salad in front of me? Try this. Try this. There's moo moo. You must be, you must be important.

Why? Because you're eating the buffet at midnight. Midnight you tub of crap. So I'm at the Toronto Film Festival like six or seven years ago. Yeah. I have a movie in it. And I'm at the gifting suite.

So those gifting suite, you know, you've been to one. Nope. Nope. Okay. So you go into a room and there's all these like products and set up and they're like, what size you and they send you, they give you and you leave with all these free gifts, clothes, electronics, whatever, right? So I'm standing in the hallway waiting and Willem DeFos standing right beside me. Oh my God.

And I don't know. My brain goes, my brain, you know, you meet somebody and your brain starts doing all the things you can know beside me. Oh my God. And I don't know, my brain goes, my brain, you know, you meet somebody and your brain says, do all the things you can know about them. Yep. What's the fucking first and only thing my brain goes? My brain goes, I heard, William DeFoe has a huge penis.

Yeah. Right? So, no, my brain says it. Oh, no. And then I go, right, okay, gotcha. Cause you want to go outside, you were great as the grandmother or as the green goblin. You know what I mean? No, you don't want to say that. Yeah, right. So you you wanna go outside, you were great as the Green Goblin. No, you don't wanna say that.

Yeah, right, so you wanna go outside of that, right? So I go, I go, how you doing? It goes good, good. I go, you gotta, you gotta move me in the festival? Cause yeah, you, I go, yeah, me too. It goes congrats, it goes. Hey, congrats on your giant penis. And it goes, what?

And then I go, you're a Russell, I go, bye. And I walk in the fucking gifting suite. But you just leave after you say, I just leave, I say dumb shit and I walk away because I'm like, how do you get out of this? You know what, that's fantastic that you live because I usually stay. Just to find out which worser could get.

I fucking stink. We got questions for you. You might answer some questions before we leave. Come on, we're done. Well, we're hanging for a little bit. I mean, you never know where it goes. Yeah, sure. Let's see what happens.

Uh-huh. You look fantastic. Thanks, buddy. Do me a favor. When you go back to Saudi, if you're running to that guy, where'd you come and open for me on this tour? Day date. That's what the day date.

Regular? Yeah, day date 40. Black face? Black fat. You know, yeah, I don't think I'll make stainless in day dates. Oh, day date. That face. Black fat. You know, you know, you're stainless. I don't think I'll make stainless and day dates. Oh, day day. That's wrong with the day. That's the

presidential. Yeah. That's about the presidential. The yellow gold. Uh, yeah. Yeah. Or a white. No, you want to yellow gold. Yeah, I don't make it in white gold. I know. They do. Do they? You know, it's a waste of money. Yeah, you're

right. It's a waste of money. The only person who knows you ring gold, that point is you. Yeah, I know. That's what I want want what Russell's leaving out is he actually does I think the same thing with the watches for your openers to now Yeah, openers got a watch his vision you my boy, but you know, Vishnu. He's my friend Yeah, you it was very very kind. He does a fish new open for me in Asia See here's the thing I can't open for the month

Why because I got to do the bonfire It's too fucking remote can't open for the month, this is why? Because I gotta do the bonfire. It's to a fucking remote. Can't. I gotta be back. They don't give you a fucking time off? I could get time off, but how many weeks is it? Yeah, six weeks. Yeah, I can be.

That's all my time off. I have a six weeks. I'm gonna have to tell my wife, you had no vacations. I don't know that the money would be worth it for you to be. I don't care about the money at this point. If I could, if I could do it, I would do it just to be a, let me see what I end up doing

because I might be able to put you on a leg of it. I would do a leg. Yeah. Yeah, because touring to me now is about the hang. Oh, it's fun. About the hang. It's a's fun. About the hang. It's a fun hang. You know what I mean?

And how about I put you on the South Africa India leg? I put somebody else on the Middle East leg. You do the South Africa India leg. Now the South Africa India leg is about two and a half weeks. You can do that. Yeah. But don't they hate white people in South Africa now? Yeah, funny ones they like. You sure? you'll be with us. You'll be fine

Because I saw them chanting kill the white dude. Yeah, that's fine. That's okay. All right I was at a Kendrick Lamar concert You made me laugh you're such a funny motherfucker. I got questions for you from No, what's happening with these? Steve. Steve. What country would you expect to find someone that looks like Bobby? I live in it. It's called California.

Actually, yeah. Colin Quinn always says that my great, great, great grandma, those raped in the Kiber Pass. You know why that's good for Colin? Because he loves his geography jokes. my great, great, great grandma those raped in the Kiber pass. You know why that's good for Colin because he loves his geography jokes. And then the rest of the people going, where the fuck is the Kiber pass? He actually said, I look like something you get at the store at the airport when you leave Hawaii. Oh, it's the fun.

He's the best. Jay Oakerson. Nope. I was actually a fabricant. What was the first one Steve fabric? No, it was not. These are people from these are real people from the patri J. Ocarson. Nope. I question it. What was the first one Steve fabric? No, it was not. These are people from these are real people from the patriots. Okay. J. Okay. My question is I remember an interview once you talking about the late great great carlin.

Can we hear how you met him and then later open for him in life? You open for carlin So here's what happened 1992 the blue jays won the world series and I was three years into comedy and I was Toronto everybody's fucking partying up and down young street because we won the world series We weren't supposed to win the world series. Yeah, cuz you can't yeah, we're Canada. We're Toronto We're not supposed to be good at this shit. No, so everybody's parting up and down young street

I'm a 22 23 year old punk ass kid 22 him 22 and You know my we're driving but everyone's going to slump walking beside my car Mm-hmm, and this is old guy walking towards with a beard and a white white ponytail And I'm being a smart as elbow my friend. It looks like fucking George Carlin I only walks past me. I go hey doing George and, George? And he goes, how you doing, kid? I was like, what the fuck? And I ran after him. And I walked him back to his hotel

and I'm blubbering the whole way. I go, oh my God, Mr. Carlin, I can't leave it to you. And he didn't want, like, he was like, I go, where are you staying? Kind of walk your back. He's like, I'm staying over here. He was staying at the Sutton Place, but he made it look like he was staying at the apartment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that I caught the plate now, as I'm older, you know, I mean, you obviously don't want me fucking falling and calling him in his room and all that shit. Sure. But then anyway, I get his autograph and I tell him, hey man, I go, hey, George, maybe one day we'll work together. How he goes, you never know, kid, crazy business. And then eight, 10 months before he passed away, he was doing warm upsets at the Hermosa Beach Comedy Club.

And Matt Comedy Magic Club. And they call me and they go go we know you love carlin He's coming in this weekend to run his set He just had quadruple bypass surgery So he wants to work on his sex. He's about to shoot a special. Do you want to you want to be on the show and I go? Can I host it? They go already have a host I got I would love to host it. I would love to introduce him on stage So they go yeah, we got you. They let me host that night and then I fucking cheer tears in my eyes

Chin quivering this man is everything. Oh, yeah, that oh, yeah, so fucking well you cried you brought him up Oh, yeah, I fucking I was like I started watering like oh fuck and he what do you say when he I gave this like really And I told him what a great guy was then goes shakes my head goes you make me look bad kid So nice what a nice man. Yeah. I never met him. I never met him and I never met Rickles. And that Rickles a few times. How was he? Awesome. Yeah. Really sweet guy because Bob Newhart and I became friends. Get the fuck. I love new hard to I had lunch with new heart a couple of years ago.

I'll send you that picture too. You can put that on the fucking show. And I take pictures of everything, Bobby. His book was great. I'm not a reader. Uh-huh. What? But I'm learning how I think it's going to be a great skill

to have. It's a very easy book. It's not that big. I mean, the button down mind. I didn't see it. Did you see it? Did you hear his first special? Do you know? Of course I did.

Yeah, the first record. I mean, I mean, that's great. Yeah, this was two years ago. Where did you meet him? Somehow, he became aware of me. And when he, he was getting inducted 13 years ago into the television hall of fame. And he wanted me, yeah, 13 years ago it was the 50th anniversary of being inducted in the television hall of fame.

And he wanted me to be there as a representative for the younger comedians. And I was like, I'm completely blown away because I'm like, this is Bob Newhart. Out of all the comics, he could have chosen, he chose me. And so he had me there. And then after he had like a private dinner with like only the people he wanted.

And I was, I was part of them. Right. And it was like me, Rickles, Fred Willard. Fuck off. All the people from New Heart, like Peter Scalari and the girl, they need just a guy, Peter Scalari. Somebody just died from that. Anyway, they were all there.

And he was going to make a speech and then this drunk woman that was there, she was somebody, she was Dick Wolf's wife or Dick Wolf's ex-wife or whatever she was. And Bob gets up to say something and it's not fucking dope, he is. He goes, hey, I just want to, and then the lady's like, Bob is this gonna be a funny story Bob is Bob is this gonna be funny? Is this a funny story Bob? And he goes, why don't we all find out together? Haha. He's the best. Just so subtle. Yeah, he's subtle. You know subtle like that too. Dom Arrera.

Dom. Dom is so fucking fun. Ron Bennington too. Yeah, I love that. Ron Bennington. Dom. Dom is so fucking fun. Ron Bennington too. Yeah, I love that. Ron Bennington is subtle, cool as a fucking cue company. I was with Dom a couple of weeks ago. Wow. And we're having dinner and he's talking about sign-failed, right?

And I go, hey, Dom. Totally different face than when you had with Danny, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're really happy. And that's what I'm talking about. Yeah, see. Yeah. You Danny's not personal.

Yeah, Bob actually has, now we're gonna take a great photo today. Bob actually has a face you had with Danny, with you. Yeah, fuck you, dude. Get off me. Yeah, I mean, it's crazy. So Dom's talking about Seinfeld and I go, Dom, you just dropped a name.

And then I go, I go, you know Nelson Mandela told me never name drop. And without missing a beat,'t go, Nelson said that. He's fucking quick, man. I did his podcast this year. Yo, it's dumb. I did it. And then I know what happened.

The kid who runs it, really good guy. Many. Yeah, good guy, but it was weird. Like, I don't know what happened. We didn't push any of the stuff out. Or you didn't get the, happened with that Danny the way they It was out. It's out, but yeah, just came my felt bad. All right. Here we go. Ready big Ben clock 69. Wow. Yeah What is your favorite country or city to perform in? I mean, it's always either gonna be New York or Toronto

Toronto is great. I mean, it's my hometown and then New York is my heart. Yeah, really? I love New York. Really? It's not like overseas somewhere? No, I love New York. Yeah. Where do you sell the most tickets?

I would say home, Toronto for sure. Toronto. I've sold out the area. What was the air canister? Now it's a Scotia bank arena. I sold it out eight times now. How many seats? 16,000? Fuck.

You know, I think Schultz is playing it soon. Schultz was over at the view tonight murder and oh yeah, of course. It's funny because you go upstairs. You can't fucking do wrong. No, he's just amazing. It's amazing. Top of this game. It's funny because you go upstairs and you hear the other two other clubs and they're laughing.

Kids are doing good. You can now stay as just a rolling thunder laugh. Oh yeah. I love him because he does what I do. Grab him by the neck and I don't let you go until I'm done and then I just fucking throw you back down. I'm out. Amazing. Goodbye. All right. There you go. Rage against them. The Creteene. What's the crazier crazier's private comedy gig you've done. I did a private show for a prince and Prince a prince just put that anywhere Danny. What are you doing? I don't know. Danny. What are you doing?

Why are you whispering we can look at you whispering But you're also you just dropped an Emmy. I mean you're literally making all those noise and then when I ask you What are you doing? Switch Sorry are you Fun One of the band members left his helmet behind you so I was waiting to the camera was I'm supposed to get it Can you do me a favor? Can you get your helmet and put it on? I think you're gonna need it after job and heavy metal objects

I forget the fucking what is it what What's the private comedy show with prints? No, a prints. I did my show. No, a prints. Not deep prints. No, no, I did hang out with prints a few times. You did. Yeah.

You know everybody. I got to spend New Year's with prints one time in 2013. Where? 13 2013. To 20. Did he know who you were? Well, it was wild because we had, I'd been to, he did a private, I got invited to a private show at this Bel Air mansion he was living in.

Private party had, and it was like 30 people like me, Angela Bassett and a bunch of other people. And he's performed in the basement of this house. And the whole band was there and the concert, he was like three and a half hours. And he did, he did like a 20 minute version of controversy. He played outstanding by the gap band. What the fuck? I was like, yo, this is the best night of my life.

And I got so wasted. And as soon as I went outside in the air hit me, I threw up. Oh, man. Throw a tree. Throw up in Prince's tree. Yeah. It was amazing. And then I did Kimmel one time in Prince was the

guest. It was me, Jerry O'Connell in Prince. Right. And then that same year that I just did Kimmel with Prince was that when I ended up in New Year's, I was in Turks and Kekos, when Nal Rogers. And, and John Bon Jovi was me, John Bon Jovi. Now, I don't fuck you know, John Bon Jovi. I know John from doing a movie with him about 12 years ago. What movie? New Year's Eve. Oh my God. I remember that. Was it romcom, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The way all the different stories going on. Any add is short here then. Yeah.

But you know, here's what's funny about that. I'll tell you funny story about that side note. I were on set first day shooting and we're shooting in this kitchen. And it's just me and John Bon Jovi. And we want supposed to walk in this kitchen and it's just me and John Bon Jovi and We want we're supposed to walk into this kitchen together, right? So we're both standing waiting for Gary Marshall to yell action and John Bon Jovi's right beside me Like I had to run on Ross. I was like, hey, I'm John nice to meet you. I go thank you, too And I'm like I get my head and going holy fuck. That's John Bon Jovi. Yeah

And it's taking long for Gary Marshall to yell action. So it's like 15 minutes. Now I'm like dude I said we're just standing there. It's just me and him. There's nobody around. There's no So without just to break the tension I go hey man, you know that Johnny used to work on the docs without missing a beat He goes it was Tommy and Then you hear action And we became buddies right after that. He was such a fucking cool guy. Who's Johnny? That's Melanchamp.

You know, in Tommy used to work on that. Tommy, but... But I always thought it was Johnny used to work on the ducks. But Johnny is a thing. Is that Johnny? No, that's Johnny. Who's the Diane? Jack and Diane?

Jack and Diane, no, there's no Johnny. There's no funny. There's no funny. So I'm at this, I'm at Turks and Kicos from Now Rogers for New Year's Eve. He's like, Russ, I'm doing a show out there. Come on, we're gonna have a great time. So I'm like, all right, now's my buddy and he's a fucking legend. So when they tell you to come out, you come out.

So I went and I'm standing side stage watching now and I hear Russell. And I turn around and was jump on Jover's what the fuck you doing here? I go what are you doing here goes? I'm here with my family come eat my wife. Hey honey. This is my buddy Ross. Hey, it's my daughter And I'm like holy shit. I mean the whole family. It's amazing. Right. It's like I'm mad. I'm seeing you in a long time You look around like just this so fucking cool right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then And then we're standing there and now I was like doing this solo and he's like come on Can we get Prince to the stage because Prince was there and then I was like doing the solo and he's like, come on, can we get Prince to the stage?

Because Prince was there. And then I'm like, oh my God, Prince is going on now. And John's like, this is so cool, isn't it? I go, yeah, he goes, who are you here with? I go, I came with Nile. He goes, I used to get coffee for these guys. I used to be like a studio Aaron Boyce when I get time in the studio. I go, he really paid his dues this guy.

He didn't just show up and get a fucking record deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, after the show, I'm in a room as big as this room. And there's two couches, one there, one here. Nile, Prince and some girl are sitting on that couch, and I'm sitting on this couch by myself across them, just the four of us in this room. And Nile goes, Prince, you know my boy Russell?

I'm like, hey man, I think we did Kimmel together. And he goes, yeah, and I go, I don't know why I said I think, I know we did Kimmel together. And I don't know why I'm trying to be cool right now. And I'm stuttering. I'm like, oh, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, and then so we meet this laugh and whatever. And I'm thinking, I'm pulling on my phone. I'm like, I want to take a picture so bad. I'm like, have my phone like this. And then you just know the timing is not right. He's not, I put the phone back. I'm like, fuck, I'm not getting a picture with fucking prints, right?

So then cut to July of that year, 2014. Now, texted me, he's like, Hey, man, me and Prince are playing the essence fest in Louisiana. It's a, it's a Prince and Sheik show. And I go, Oh, my God, he goes, you gotta come. And they go, I'll come. I go, I call him. I go, I now I can't get a hotel room. But he goes, home, let me see, because emails me back. Prince got your hotel room. I go, what the fuck? Get the fuck on. So Prince paid for my hotel room that night. I remember the password was N-P-G-2014. New power generation. That's like so cool, right? And so, I'm standing side stage watching now, performing

everything. Then I feel this tap on my back. I turn around, I look at him, his prince goes, hey man, how you doing? I go, hey man, how you doing? So, it was pretty cool. I got to, he eventually knew who I was kind of like, what's the point? I was, Prince, he goes, hey man, how you doing? I go, I'm going to love him. I'm going to love him. So it was pretty cool. I got to, he eventually knew who I was. That's fun. Then he fucking dies. Yeah, it's weird that he died. It's weird that a lot of people have died.

It's weird that he died. I mean, It's weird how like all these fucking incredible people die. So young. Yeah, like Prince, MJ I get. Prince, I didn't get. We didn't need to lose Patrice either. Yeah, no, I mean yeah sucks that he because he was getting a shit together He was about to fucking blow he was about to be the motherfucker. He was and yeah, and he Now can let's get back to this so Prince a private show for a prince a bummed us out

And I'm gonna have had about to cry well Well, because you fucking stuffed it in that little last case. It should be crying more about what you're doing to is the dead man's hat. It's not his hat. I bought that hat down. I bought that. I was like, there's no way that fit his giant hat. That's his hat.

Yeah, if I sweat his mom. I think I got 13. So it bugs me that everybody got his cool. I got like the like Vaughn. I guess picked the fucking hats. And I got like the last I got two. Yeah. Uh, dang got two too. I got one of those and I got a fitted. I got one and I was more friends in all he is. That's true. And I got that one. And I don't even think you will that one. And you disrespected it. What were you putting it in a small fucking case? I did. did she really wonder why he's dead

She really they really fucking star fucked his hats Well, I think the more real cuz they gave me pictures of him wearing it. Yeah, I didn't get shit I got a hat and I got two pictures of wearing those each hat I had to make that I had to get the I had to get, my wife got all that little, the photo. Right. And the album, I had to get all that. I made this whole thing. I had that all, I had to make that.

They just sent me. You couldn't get the right size case for that thing. Listen, dude, I have a hat maker in Brooklyn. I could take that, get them to reshape it so it looks right and then you can get a bigger case for it so it doesn't get fucked up. Okay. I'm just a hashtag just saying. Just hashtag just saying. Just hashtag just saying.

I might just not wear in it. There's gonna be fucking baggy on you. What if I wore it and it fucking was magic. I'm gonna be amazing. It was hats made him funny. That would be a movie. Like a Disney movie. Right?

I just started coming up, but I used the N word. I was like, that was the only thing. You couldn't stop. And no matter what word you were gonna say that started with Annie would always come out as the other one like like the whole next You meant to say this next guy Everything is against me and they were all like this guy's racist, but then I get a shot at Apollo Just get me on Apollo, but you get me on a pond. I go out then I murder like that turning you can hear him turn And I start going to my bits and then they say,

No, no, you're on there without the hat first. Right. You're like, I start to bomb you, put the hat on. This is, what are you? And whoa, yeah, stop even president. That should be a movie movie, we'll page. Not the Netflix. So tell me about this print, Scott.

I'm sorry. I do a private show for a prince pays me a fuck ton of money. They asked me why price. We give them an outrageous sum thinking They're gonna pass because we didn't really want to do it and they they were like okay no problem like what And I'm like we could have asked for fucking double that they don't care. I don't care. They're so rich I'm like whatever. Yeah, they're like that's so cute to you. Oh, the very poor I mean what I mean what a great and then he's like do you want cash? I'm like, no, are you crazy?

Why? You're going to come home with $250,000 in cash? You were not. No. Oh, you don't do that. How do you do that? Anything to clear? If you have money over $10,000, how much you have?

It's 25 times that amount. Just get, fucker, you a drug deal. Yeah, but just get a bunch of guys and give them all $10,000. It's 25 people. They're all with me. Yeah, they all going to be under 10. Hi, it's a 2026 people. Just give everybody 9000 all your money on flights. Yeah. You know how you do it. You know how you do it though. Everybody gets a roly. Yeah, that's a lot

of money. But everybody you want to 50,000 hours gone. But they don't check your watch. A lot of people go out of the country. Oh, they check now. They check the roly. Yeah, they don't check on your wrist, but they're like, you know, they'll see the bag. They'll look what's in the bag.

Yeah. How about my wife of purse when I was on tour in Australia? Yeah. And I carried this fucking purse around with me, all of Australia. And I get back to America, and I'm thinking, I'm gonna declare this, you know,

because I, you know, I'm being I'm gonna declare this you know because I You know I'm being honest. Hmm. They fucking ding me on the purse. They did. Yes We pay tax and then I pay tax again. I'm like how the fuck my double-pink tax? I could just bought the bag here for fuck's sake. I took that shit. I I I did it over there. I mailed it in I Declaired it over there through the fucking yeah I did that got that money back and then I put that sucker in the bag and I put the bag in another bag Yeah, but this bag was too big to fit in a suitcase. It was like this big fucking YSL. I bought a big suitcase

But just you know what you do get some sissy pants on put it on your shoulder and get on the plane YSL why not why us out? get on the plane. Hey, why us why not? Why us? I bought my wife Louis that way. I just stuck it C K or Vuitton. Yeah, but I Louis C K. Yeah, it was that all the questions. It's it. Did it. Three questions. No, that's it. We got it. Yeah, that's it. Man, we have five questions. Oh, no, I'm sure you want more questions. Danny, ask a question. Ask a question, buddy. How much should that gig pay? I said 250,000. Danny, ask about a question.

Danny, usually, I'll test the guys are good with them. What's the, what's the gays thing you've ever done? This max, ask a question. Watch Bobby's video. Besides, Car Carlin was there anyone else as a hero of yours you got to open for? Not open for but I got to go to Eddie Murphy's house.

Really? How was that? That was incredible. Like so it was 2019 and I'm I'm not to dinner with my baby mom at the time. She was pregnant still and it's like it seemed like this bitch was pregnant forever but we're at dinner. she was pregnant still and it's like seem like his bitch was pregnant forever, but Where I dinner me her her mom and one of my boys and Then I before I done the life factory okay my mom came with us and I

Tiffany had issues and I took a picture of Tiffany my mom So I wear a dinner I send picture that picture of Tiffany and my mom to Tiffany I send a text I go my mom loved you and she replies, oh my God, I loved your mom. She was awesome. She goes, I'm going to Eddie Murphy's house. I'm going to Eddie's house right now. I go Murphy, she goes, yeah, I go, that's cool. Because you want to come and I go, are you serious?

She goes, yeah, I'll come scoop you right now. And look at baby moms, I go, can I go to Eddie Murphy's house? She goes, go. So I'm like, okay, come get me. So she picks me up. Good Eddie Murphy's house. I'm thinking just going to be me, Tiffany, and Eddie Murphy for some reason.

I don't know why I think this. Cause it's like a fucking Wednesday night. Yeah. So we get to Eddie Murphy's house. We walk in, walk downstairs. And the first person I see is Jamie Foxx. Oh, what was up, Jamie's like, what up, Russ? And I'm like, what's up?

And then I'm like, what's up? And then I see Neil Brennan. What's up, Neil? He's like, what's up? And I'm like, and then I look at the bar. And I see Sasha Baron Cohen standing behind the bar. And I'm like, and I see Bill Hader. And I see Neil Brennan goes up, Neil, he's like, what's up? And I'm like, and then I look at the bar and I see Sasha Burin Cohen standing behind the bar. And I'm like, then I see Bill Hader and I see Jimmy Kim. I go, what the fuck? And then I hear behind me.

Yo, is this what all you comedian cats do? Y'all just hang out with each other? And I turn around. It's cute tip from Tribe Called Quest. And I go, what up, TIP? And he's like, what up, Russ? And I'm like, what the fuck have I walked into? And I'm standing right here. Oh, shit, Ross Mopeena's man. And I turn around. She's fuck have I walked into? And I'm standing there and I hear, oh shit, Ross McPain is man. And I turn around and she pells walking on this turn. What's up Dave? And I'm like, you know, is this a fucking movie or something?

Like this is the, like everybody's there. And rock shows up and everybody's standing there. Everyone's at this party. And I'm like, please tell me, you put the end of this, you guys play naked basketball. No, no, no, that would be a princess house. Okay. So I'm standing there and then, uh, I'm standing in this doorway, like that. And it's like

Eddie Murphy, me, Chris Rock, Jamie Foxx, Neil Brennan, and Chipelke's popping his head in and out. And they're all talking about Eddie about doing standup again. Like, come on, Eddie, what are you gonna do? And like, it hadn't been announced yet that he was gonna do that. Come back to her. Remember? Yeah. And, um, he's like, I don't Eddie, what are you gonna do? And like, it hadn't been announced yet that he was gonna do that comeback to her, remember? Yeah. And he's like, I don't know, man, I stopped doing it in 89. And I'm like, 89, that's when I started. Right. And he's like, you guys do this for a living.

I can't do that no more. And he's like, Chris is like, man, he's still funny, he's shit, well, I was like, and I'm like, I can't, I'm not saying much because I'm just like, I'm completely blown away that Eddie Murphy standing in front of me, talking about comedy. Right.

So anyway, the light comes to an end and I realize that I'm in the basement of his house still. And I'm like one of the only people left from this party. Because I don't know where Tiffany went. Right. So I see like eight of Eddie's kids sitting at a table and I'm like, I'm just a weird guy at the party now. And I see Kenya Barris leaving and I go, Ken Kenya wait for me, I'm walking upstairs with you. So I walk up the stairs with Kenya. And as you walked up there, the front door opens,

you can just walk right out the house, right? And I get there and I go, hey, I get the lady, I go, I came with Tiffany, she's my ride. I don't know where she is. And then I go, oh, I think she's in the backyard. And then I go, can I, and then one of Eddie's kids, while he goes, I'll take you to the backyard and I'm like, thank God. So we get, it takes me to the backyard. We find, I see goes, I think they're down there by that light. So I go down by this light and I turn the corner. It's, it's Tiffany,

she'll tell Eddie Murphy and our senior hall. And I'm like, I just walk around the corner and I'm like, hey, right? I'm like, hey, what's up, guys? I'm like, it's fucking like, what is this? Right. Yeah. And then Eddie's like, it's getting cold. Let's go inside. I'm like, oh, what's up guys? I'm like, fucking like, what is this? Right. And then Andy's like, it's getting cold. Let's go inside. I'm like, oh, okay, we'll go inside. So now we're in Eddie's private living room. He's got two couches, one this way, one this way.

And the TV's right in front of us. Eddie's sitting on the couch with his sons, facing the TV, and I'm sitting on the couch this way, to me, Chappelle and Tiffany. And it's getting late now and Tiffany's tired. So she's like knocked out and she's knocking out on the corner of the chair, right? Right, yeah.

And Eddie's playing his videos of like funny things he likes. Yeah. And it's getting really late now. It's like 3.30 and I'm like, Tiffany's knocked out on the couch and I'm like, fuck. I don't want to wake her up. I'm be like, hey, we got to go. Can you drive me home, right?

So I'm thinking, how am I going to get home? I'm going to start thinking, I start thinking to everything. I'm not going to sleep hey, we gotta go. Can you drive me home, right? So I'm thinking, how am I gonna get home? I'm gonna start thinking, I start thinking to everything, am I gonna sleep at Eddie Murphy's house? Or, or, do I ask Eddie for his address? So I can call him Uber, like, what do I do to get out of here? Yeah. And I'm like, fuck. But I'm like, just so bugged out

that I'm in Eddie Murphy's house. You don't even know where you are. I know where I am, but I don't, like it's too far for me to get home from. Right. And, is he got like a big property? It's massive. So nobody's near him.

I mean, Denzel's his neighbor, Stallone's his other neighbor. It's like Mark Wahlberg's. These are like big, big deal guys in the neighborhood. Anyway, so I'm looking at my watch. It's like 4, 10 in the morning now, right? And I'm like, shit, I don't know what I'm gonna do. And I'm gonna be excited. I think I'm sleeping on a Mervy's couch tonight.

I'm just gonna be the best night of my life. And then Arsenio's like, all right, you're all I'm out. And I go, wait, Ars, which way are you going? Some going to the valley. I go, can I get a ride down to the Beverly Glen in Ventura? He's like, sure. So I go, oh great.

So I get up, I say, see Dave, so tell Tiffany I left, all right? Yeah. She wakes up one of my my tar. I left. She can go home after that. And so Eddie walks us out. And then I get in the car, we go, we drive me and our seniors start driving. We get to Beverly Glen and venture. I go, I'll get out here. Our senior goes, what do you mean you could get out here? He goes, where are you going? I'm going to the valley. Yeah. He goes, I'm going to the I'm gonna the valley yeah, he goes I'm going to the valley to I'm not leave you on venture and fucking Everybody like 415 in the morning. Yeah, and I'm like I go where are you going? I'm going with the hills I go perfect. I'll go there. It's where you got to go. I go calabassus

He goes I'll take you home So the best part was you know Tiffany takes me to the merby's house and our sitting on all takes me home Yeah, I left out a lot of details, but this was the fucking best. That's fucking crazy. It was literally one of the best nights of my life. That's crazy. I actually, one of the coolest nights of my life. And the best part was, sorry, when Eddie saw me in the basement,

yeah, he goes, hey, Russell, thanks for coming. And I was like, Eddie Murphy knows my name. It's crazy. Yeah, that was blunt. That blew me away. I went to Louis house one night. He invited me over for Thanksgiving, right? Me, Norton, my wife, my son, my baby at the time, his baby.

And we showed up and it was all famous actors. Really? The mom from the exorcist, these, the dude from Scarface who got thrown out of the plane. I don't remember people's names. So I'm telling you who they were to me. I just know them from their roles. Right. Um, um, uh, Joan Rivers, her daughter, Joan her daughter, Joan and her daughter. Oh, wow. Melissa and Joan. Both of them.

Parka Posey. Oh, wow. The chick from Brown Bunny and kids. And see, what the fuck, a guy from... He died of heroin, great actor. He was... Oh, John C. Riley? No, no.

No, not John C. Riley, the other one. Yes. Who I'm talking about. He was in, um, a blonde guy, Chubby. Yep. Um, what's his name again? I can picture him. Um, great actor. From the, the Mark Wahlberg porn. Yeah, yeah's his name? Mark Max. I mean, he also played a bad guy in, in, in, you also played that writer and he played in the movie, he played a, he was the villain in the, in, Spencer Brezzlin. No, what? Was the movie that happening? No, no, what the fuck Mark Wahlberg movie?

I looked up Mark Wahlberg, Karl movie and up came the, not a? No, no, what the fuck? Mark Wahlberg movie. I looked up Mark Wahlberg car movie and up came the hell. Not a horror. You said porn. Boogie nights. Boogie nights. He was in Boogie nights. Was he in Boogie nights? Yes.

He was the guy who tried to kiss him. He played a Max, please. It wouldn't be Philip Baker. Yes, Philip. See what? Philip Seymour Hoffman. Baker. Yes, Philip see what? He more Hoffman. Oh, oh, yeah, Philip Seymour Hoffman. I sit down at the table. He's sitting where you are, right? And he's like, you got to try my wife's corn dish. I'm like, huh? He's like, hey man, and I go, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I just scoop into this corn dish and it was fucking amazing. Right? I mean, it was great. It was a friend

I was like dude, huh? It was today. I was saying Jesus Christ But I'm never good at that shit either and I remember he did it again And we had another party Louis the throw I love this about Louis He'll do the same thing. He'll just invite everybody like his worlds to collide. Right. And we went over there one time at my dipole. I kicked out because he got no fight with some guy. What's going on? Some fucking left wing liberal actor, gay actor. And dipole was like fact and fact. That was queer. As you know, whatever you say. And it was, you know, it was hilarious. I'm no good at those either. I'm all right.

I'm one on one, I'm good. I can talk to anybody one on one. But when I walk into the room, I get a little weird. And you're like, oh, who do I talk to here? Yeah. It's none of them know me. Yeah. None of them.

They are. It's the same when I walk in these rooms. They don't fucking know me. Yeah. So I'm like shocked when somebody does. And I go, oh, you know me? How do you know me? It's a weird fame. You have a weird fame. Yeah. So I'm like shocked when somebody does and I go, oh, you know me? How do you know? It's a weird fame.

You have a weird fame. Yeah. You have a weird like, you're this highly successful hilarious guy and you sell out tours, arenas. But I was getting marginalized online. It's like, oh, he does the same thing. I go, stop watching the same fucking video. Yeah, that's, you can't ever look at anything.

Yeah, I know. It's, you can't. Yeah. You can never, I, dude, you can't, because even your fans will rip you apart in a very micro way. Oh yeah, those say things I saw him. He rushed through his set. I go, what are you, I do an hour and 20 minutes.

What the fuck? Who the fuck can make that judgment? Yeah, a rush through my set. Maybe it was fast for you. Because they saw it, they saw it probably one time. Yeah. And they liked that. Yeah. And then they come see you again

and maybe you're a little faster. Who the fuck know? Whatever the deal is. I had somebody say, they said a great thing about me and then they rip me apart the next day, micro. It was like this weird little thing where they like, notice like on the bonfire, especially, they'll they were there, you know, like I didn't take, I didn't, I didn't want Dan's so to his job. He left and they asked me to do it so the

show could come back on. Yeah. And I was like, okay, I would never, I want Dan and J to keep going. Right. But I'll stay and you know Jay will do the show, but it was kind of like a, so but for some reason, this people like fuck him, like I did this and I didn't. And they they micro. Oh yeah. And it's like you listen to the show

on a micro level to hear when I say I said this a couple times and that's too much. Yeah, it's like how much how much original thought do you have every fucking day? It's a weird thing. Yeah, fame is a uncomfortable, especially for us. I felt now it's worse. Why? Because they so much replay involved.

Yeah. Like back in the 70s and 80s, you know, you had to record something in order for it to happen again. And you had to pay for it. And even then you weren't paying that much attention to it. You were just enjoying the moment. Yeah. And if you saw it, you probably got one chance to see it. Yeah.

Either live or the time it aired on. Yeah. Like, remember the Michael Jackson moonwalk in the 25th anniversary of Motown? Yeah. And was it 20th even? Should it was made when the 20th anniversary Motown 20th 25th And whatever was 82 83 did the moonwalk and it was like did you see that? Yeah, and then there was no replay forever. Yeah, and somebody had by accident recorded it because nobody knew that was gonna happen

It was explosion. Yeah, and it changed the game You know change everything and you you know you didn't see it if you did get to see it on a news thing or something like that by chance Yeah, it was like holy shit. Yeah, and if you read about it, it was in the newspaper. No recording. Yeah, there was nothing on it. Oh, Tivo, that type of shit on demand. Yeah, none of that should.

Whole games changed, man. It's the whole game's changed. And for better and worse, the only way I really believe And for better and worse, better and worse, but the only way I really believe you can do it is if you stay out of the accolades. How do you stay out of the accolades? Don't look. So don't look at any of the, so you,

Dan's running your page. Dan is, I don't look at, I don't look at the accolades. See, I posted a video recently and I hadn't posted a video in a long time. Yeah. Of me doing some crowd work. Yeah. And then I deleted it because I was getting irritated by the comments Yep, don't look I look at the comments like a fuck you people you know when I'm giving you something free and you're fuck you Delete yeah, but it's you have so many people here's a thing you have so many people looking at yours Thousands of people loved it

20 or 30 people gave you shit. Yeah. But they... They're much louder than the ones in here. They are. Yeah. They're not. But you know what bothers me too? Like the people that like it, don't defend me.

And I'm like, they have a light. I mean, you can't just be like, hey, why don't you get off his fucking page? Nobody does that. Nobody does that. Because they, they go like this. Uh, it was my favorite comedian, like it. And they go and they have to go take care of their kid, go back to the job.

They have a life. The people that have fucking trash in you, this is what they do. Right. This is their thing. Right. Their thing is to... Yeah, my friend told me, you're fighting the invisible man.

Yeah. Yeah. They know who you are, you don't know who they are. They can bop you anytime they want. There's no recourse for them. Yeah. You can't, you got to be careful with the accolades. Yeah. Cause the accolades suck you in. And you're like, oh, that was nice. Yeah. That made me feel good. Oh, that's a great. I really am making a good. I get that fucking a free feeling. Cause I'm like, say that to me on the street, motherfucker. Yeah. Well, you're gonna do. You're gonna

choke them out. He's gonna take your money. Yeah. Well, that's the problem. Yeah, it's not none of it. Some kid, Some kid messaged me trying to, hey, you fucking this and that, you disrespect our people for this and that and I, all fucking fight you and you don't, we could give the money to chairman. Like, who, you threatened, first of all, you don't know me. Do you know what I'm capable of? Number one.

Number two, do you always go around threatening 53 year old men, you fucking loser? And who the fuck are you? That nobody, nobody gives a shit without you, who give the money to charity. You are the fucking charity. Get out of here, stupid. We should beat him up.

We should. We should definitely. Yeah, I wouldn't want to fight you. I know. You have tiger blood in you. I do have a little bit. I'm a little feisty. You're a little feisty, but you can't do it.

You can't. And you know, it made me happy when Metallica was on stage last night And they were about to play the new song right and they were like like man, they're not gonna like you guys are gonna like this I mean, I looked at you. I go there insecure too. Yeah, he's like, yeah Metallica is insecure about their new shit. You know, it's funny as I was in Toronto during the film festival one year again And I'm staying at the four seasons that this trip and I it's late maybe like three in the morning I've really been drinking I'm drinking everybody's drinking I get back to the hotel and I see Kurt Hammett yeah he's like walks in the hotel

walking the hotel together oh shit what's up man he's kind of the buzz dude like what's up bro he's gonna get a picture now man and I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, okay, cool. And then we both end up walking to the elevator together. Hit the button, we get in the elevator together. It's just being him. And he goes like this, hey man, you want to do that picture? Like, if you're cool, then he goes, yeah, so I just take the picture.

Go, thanks man. He probably thought you were just hanging out. Yeah. Yeah. And he realized you're in the fucking hotel. Yeah I wasn't mad at him. I was like you know, he's kind of drunk. It is one of a you know, you know Maybe don't want that fucking for it. I never posted it so you know, yeah, I take a lot of these photos for me That's good, you know, yeah, take it for me

I don't do it for everybody. I got a picture of me and Eddie Murphy that night at the house. You did I've never posted it I want to see it. I'm sure to I see it don't we won't post it. I mean you can't everyone. I want to see it. I want to show it to you. I see it. Don't we won't post it. I mean, you can't everyone. I want to say it. I'm supposed to we're good. I mean, can I tell you who I mean, any Murphy to me, Don Rickles, I wish I could meet any Murphy before, you know, before I'm too old. I mean, dude, he's the shit. Yeah. I mean, you have a, I mean, he again has the face you had with Danny. Oh, yeah. I mean, look at that house though. House was in the house. Looks like a fucking hotel. He's got a bowling alley in the basement.

Fuck off. He's got a bowling eye. He's got a nightclub in the basement. He's got an arcade, a fucking full size arcade, like with full size games. Not like just the stand up games. Like I mean, those games where you sit in and it moves around and shit. Like he's got real video games now. Eddie, Eddie's a good looking motherfucker.

Yeah, he's a handsome man. God damn it. Yeah. Well, all right, dude, listen. I say we go, what are you gonna do now? You gonna smoke? No, smoke with him for sure. All right.

We're gonna get in. We're gonna go ahead and get some food. I got a slice. You want a slice? I'll do a slice. You are Tizzy too, want a slice? Yeah, I do a slice. Yeah, I'll do a slice I mean, what do you say now? I love you guys slice. Peacito them is like fucking

I got nothing is like pizza to them. Yeah, that's true So you got the tour you're still on I Hopefully I maybe I can get on it. Yeah, you tell me if you can do those two countries. I'm gonna talk. I mean, that'd be great. I would love to let me know right away. I would love to just because the way you roll, you'd love it.

Yeah, I'll make sure you're comfortable. No, you're just great. I love it. That's Grogal. He'll tell you. I love, Roguel. I love that you took him on tour too, man. That was great. I have a moment for me this week at city winery. He's fucking great. He's funny motherfucker

Dude he's really fucking funny, and you know the worst part is he doesn't believe he's really funny listen dude He's been a vet of he's a seller vet. He's a vet vet. Yeah, he's a he's a he's definitely One of the mother he can kill anytime. He always does every time he's here great guy to me No matter how badly kills. Yeah, he's like, ah, what the fuck, damn, that's a New York comic. Great. That's terrible. It's like Lenny Marcus does the same thing. He'll murder and go, yeah, what are you talking about? Maybe a Jew thing too.

Could be. How's Danny? Danny. Question. There you go. Nice talking to him. All right. Listen, Russell Peters, man, I love you, buddy. Thanks for coming on. Thanks Bobby I'm gonna go get some food make sure you go to Robert Kelly live dot com from my dates. Oh, Hey, you're in Las Vegas on my birthday. Oh good come out. I can't I'll be in Texas. Oh, okay. I'll come to you I'm all over the place man. I gotta take it to every one of that club. It was nice comedy on Carlson Yeah, it is a good club Rochester. Yeah. Yeah Madison

You have a comedy on state and Madison Wisconsin. Yeah, no, I've got to go to your schedule anymore because they fucking yeah, cuz he's autistic asshole We're reading it. I mean you that fucking crazy How many global I don't know that one? You have a lot of proud comedy catcher Rhode Island. Oh, yeah, the one that's in the bank. Yeah, I did you know I did that on my birthday. Maybe about six or seven years going ahead. Tony Woods opened for me there. No shit. Yeah. Do that club is one of my favorites. The comedy on state, one of the best clubs in the country. Really? Roll up. I mean, dude, comedy on state, one of the best clubs in the country. Okay. Yeah. And then we're almost gangfest. Go to Skankank fast man. Is that yours who put that to go as Lewis Gomez

Christine and Rebecca I think they had asked me to do it the first year they were doing it Yeah, dude, it's fun and I was like I don't know dude. I mean, it's wild. It's on the free months street. Yeah They take over the end of it upstairs where the theaters were right all those theaters have podcasts and shows And it's all day long, they fight. I mean, they do crazy podcasts, and the shows are off the charts. It's one of the funnest festivals I've ever been to. And the fans,

it's like, they're the coolest, nicest, craziest, fucks ever. And it's ever. Okay. And it's on free much. It's so good, dude. You should come out for that. You know, I'm doing cigar corner. I did it last year.

I just went to the merch pit where all the t-shirts were and I got chairs and we just smoked cigars in between shows. I like this. And it's all night long. And people, I mean, I don't do drugs. Any more. People, people, people is, long and people are I mean I don't do drugs anymore people anymore people is People are drinking people the fucking smoking cigars

There's crazy chicks everywhere and it's a I can't go this is that's all my birthday. I think I'm in In Dallas or you gotta go dude. You gotta go. You'll love it. It was a grand prairie down a Texas or something I don't know I'll play play Texas since my life got threatened. Did it? Yeah. We threatened your life. Oh, some guys say you got murder me and then fucking stalked me for a year and a half. And what did you get them? No, I didn't get them. I didn't get them. Grand prairie Texas. I'm on my birthday. That sounds fun. It sucks when they know who you are, but you don't know they are. Yep. Yep. It does suck. Yeah.

That's why I want to, I want to become a Navy SEAL. I don't think you can just transform into an amphibian like that. You don't know that. I can do whatever I want. I'm gonna see it first. I mean, you are, if you shave your face, you're very much like a seal. Thank you.

You're very slippery. Oh, and I say Navy? I met a sea seal. Yeah, a real regular seal. Yeah, that's what I thought you meant. I just figured you added navy to it. I want to do this. I'm going to get paid in in sardines. I like sardines, man.

I'm hungry. Let's get a slice. Grandma slice a regular. I don't know. Go look. All right. Russell Peters. What's your website?

Russell Peters dot com. Russell Peters dot com. Danny, what do you got? Follow me on Instagram, add Danny. What? You got to follow me on Instagram, add Danny breath and come to comedy at Verve in summer of New Jersey. Minute Danny breath, are you really the Jessica Kerson? No, quit incidents.

Okay. Max, do I have to say it? Yeah, I can follow you Max Marcus comedy all social media. And check out Joe Russell, cheese show on YouTube. Joe Russell. Yeah, he's a producer on the show too. And Mike Vswarez, who's one of the producers, not here tonight.

I appreciate it. I have no idea. Oh, anyways, check those guys out. You guys are the best fans in the world. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Checking it on YouTube. If you're watching this on YouTube, just subscribe, just hit the button. Oh, subscribe. What's the fucking deal, man?

I mean, all it does is show up in your suggestions. You don't have to watch it. Yeah, you can just click off it every now and then hit it like button. You know what I mean? It says it's just a like. It's a thumbs up. Your mother fucker. It didn't cost you anything. And go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. That does cost you. That does. Price of a cup of coffee. How much is it? of coffee a month. How much is it five bucks a month? Well, 10 bucks other tears to it. Yeah, we got the five bucks get you what five bucks get you the audio. Yeah, it's an audio Yeah, and first and you get an extra podcast a week 10 bucks get you to the video and audio first and an extra podcast a week

And if you get 10,000 subscribers in the next three months, yeah, Brusar is going to suck his own dick on the Patreon on the Patreon. Live. Well, you come in and announce it. I'll announce it, but I'm not happy about having to look at that. You don't have to look at it.

Just go, ladies, you know, I'm in this corner. How about? Yeah. Okay, if you get, I can't guarantee this or promise this. Okay. But if you get to the number you need to get to,

I will personally call Bruce Buffer and ask him if he'll do it. Do you heard this? Please, let's get this. We have, was it three months? Three months. I think we said sex. Six months to get 10,000 paid now.

We're at 200. So we got to waste a go guys. We got to waste a go. No, I don't know what we're at, but we're almost there Imagine this happens. Imagine this becomes a grassroots fuck you like they did with GameStop Right, where they just do it. Yes. We have Bruce buffer up here. You're here We have we have fucking we get somebody famous who else

Well, you would do it. Oh, Louie. Do you think Lou Louis? No, he's not gonna go nothing to do with Dixon Louis Guys we'll see you next time you know what do you know what dirt later You've been listening to the YKWD podcast Thanks for listening Now go back to your shitty jobs shitty jobs Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, rencones de película y un sinfín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Huelades de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros.

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