Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Ryan Long, Rich Vos, Bonnie McFarlane | Trudeau Stinks

Episode Date: June 2, 2024

This week Bobby is joined by Ryan Long. They talk about how to make your penis bigger, Justin Trudeau playing dress up, and Rich Vos and Bonnie McFarlane crash the podcast. FOLLOW RYAN https://ryanlongcomedy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/ryanlongcomedy/ FOLLOW RICH https://www.richvos.com/ https://www.instagram.com/richvosthelegend/ FOLLOW BONNIE https://www.instagram.com/bonniemcfarlane/?hl=en https://x.com/bonniemcfarlane?lang=en Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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of someone close to you, please go to ConnixOntario.ca. If you was like, Bonnie, you're not giving me anything in the last couple years. I'm gonna go get sex somewhere. Would you be all right with that? I have said before, don't ask, don't tell. Really? Wow!

That's a policy. Jesus Christ. I never even knew all of this. You can't even hear it. I paid hush money for nothing. I killed that war for nothing. I can stop killing them. That's why he has all the rings.

So he can kill them easier. Oh, I thought he takes them. All his jewelry is from Horace. That's why he changes his bracelet so much. Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started social media podcast.

The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day where it all started before them all. YKWD. This podcast is so fun and crazy and has no rules. Back in the day where it all started before them all So fun and crazy What's up everybody? It's Robert Kelly and we're back with another episode of You Know What, Dude? Yes, YKWD, You Know What, Dude, and we're above the Comedy Cell, world famous at the Comedy Cell Studios.

I'm here with the Tizzy Three, are you guys here? We're here. We're here. Duh. Huh? The anime. Oh my God, I really, I really. Okay, I don't care.

I don't, apparently I don't care if this show gets popular. I don't. I could have hired some fucking insane producer guy that knows and I had to hire like Voltron. I had to hire this guy does that good. That guy does that good. And this guy and then you put them all together and you're still missing the head. Three dudes doing the job of one. We got a very special guest today.

He's back. He's been on it before. Hilarious, very funny, motherfucker. Influencer, a real one. A creator, a real one like me. I'm an influencer. Ryan Long. What's up, buddy? Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

Add into the Voltron over here. Yeah. Oh, God. If you could fucking if me and you could do something. Yeah. Whip these guys into shape. If I got you as a young, eager comic. Young, eager comics are hard to get these days.

Yeah. Well, if you go... Not young autistic ones. You know, that's true. But the thing is before it was kind of easier to scoop up good talent and have you work for them or a show. Whereas now they all are running their own little thing. Yeah. And it's fucking shit.

Well, that's correct. And it's never going anywhere. But there's a chance. No. Like if before you go, oh, there's a chance that I'll get my show on Netflix. You go, no chance. This guy chance that I'll get my show on Netflix. You go, there's no chance. This guy has a cheese show for six years. It wasn't he was getting in fights with people over his cheese show.

Were you? No, what was it? I don't remember. Was it didn't you? Didn't you? Yeah, just go with it, Joe. You have no. Yeah, yes. Yes. And stupid. You told me this, but. What was it about? I can't guess. Yes and stupid. You told me this, but. So beef. What was it about? I can't remember the story. And also he was involved in saying the N word.

I know I was probably in confidence. And Joe said the N word. Screamed it. Oh, my God. He screamed it. Kraft tried to add pimentos to their cheese and he got furious. And that's why they'll never make it because of jokes like that.

He just wanted to jam pimento into a line. That's it. Yeah. It's very cheese based theme. Yeah. I mean, I love the word pimento, and I've never had the chance to use it in anything, but that wasn't it. Is that an Italian word or a French word? Pimento? You don't know what pimento is? I mean, I won't say French words out of spite, but.

Oh, because you're. No, just that's just my dad didn't say French words. My grandfather didn't say French words. You spite, but because you're just, that's just a, my beer, I didn't say French words. My grandfather didn't say French words. You're one of those to me. I don't consider it. I could, I consider them one third of a human person. Oh, really? You don't like French people.

Do you not like, do you know, I thought there's a few things, uh, I was just, cause I'm going to Australia and I was just thinking like, I've always had like a bit of a disdain for Australians. And then as I started doing comedy and me more You do it like an Italian. Yeah No, I didn't hate Australians. I hated backpackers, you know, cuz every time I met an Australian It was a guy who came to Canada worked at a ski hill or was backpacking and it was mostly women to be honest And I was like that specific breed of person that I didn't like women.

Yeah. Chicks. Australians are like, that's what backpackers are like. So whenever, a lot of times when you're, when you are saying, Oh, I hate this type of person, you're talking about the worst version that travels around, staying in hostels, bothering people. I know a few Australian people and they're lovely people. Australians are great, but those guys stay there. They don't come backpacking around, bothering people.

I've said this a lot. The accent. Not a fan. It's it. There's something about it. Can you do one? I can't do accents. I can do French Canadian, though.

All right. You know what I mean? It goes up. Let me have Kelly Faustuca on the podcast for years. Love Kelly Faustuca. One of the sweetest human beings ever. But her accent, Bobby, Bobby, I always I'll be. It's always right.

You know, it's like it's annoying. You know what it is? I know why this would bother you specifically. And I was thinking about this kind of a with uh, with America term in terms of other places. Yeah. That is not assertive. Think about that. You don't know what it is. You're the type of guy that I feel like you're like, this is what I think, you know, you're right. Ball buster, talking shit, say what I feel. Yeah. You know, what are we beating around the bush around here? Where as soon as you're raising your voice, it's all like, you know, I'm not going to quite say what I think about you, but I'm kind of lying it here's what it is it's because even when

they're mad at you or they're fucking with you they don't like you or they're gonna fight you yeah it's still pleasant cuz they're saying it mate I'm gonna punch in your face now I'm gonna take your teeth out of your head my I don't know are you going to the English to English I love softening it it goes oh mate you won't get your head punched in now, don't you? Walking around. I can't do it. No, I can't do any of that. Dan Soder on the fucking phone stack.

Yeah, that's that's bad to podcast guys and sitting here doing bad. Why is that bad? Well, because that is the number one skill that makes you a great podcast. It's it's an enhancement. It is. When you crack people who that's moon shoes for basketball players. It's a podcasters moon shoes. It really is. The only thing I've ever been able to do.

It really is adrenaline is is like if I pick like, say Russian. Like I had a joke where I'm like, OK, I want to do this Russian accent for years. I'm like every time I do it, I fuck it up. And I'm like, if I pick one phrase that sounds really Russian, like, well, you go sleep now. But if I go off book at all, I lose it. I'm not saying that was good. It was not good. You, you sounded Italian Russian.

You go sleep. You sounded like a retarded Italian. You go sleep now. I, you go sleep now. I am Russian guy. I'll try it. Ready? You go sleep now. That's pretty good. I'll try. Ready? You go sleep now.

And it's pretty good. You go to. I'm concerned. Please go to your house. You went off book. It's going off book. You got to find the perfect phrase. I fuck your face. I think there would be no your you. You you put dick in my mouth.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Gay Russian. I'm good. Gay Russian. Gay Russian bath. That must be hilarious. I'll take. I'll take. I went to a... Now you do my deek. What?

I went to the Russian bathhouse. Have you been? Yeah, no, you're talking about the like Brooklyn one. Chicago. Oh, Toby's always trying to push. Ari was trying to tell me to go to the... Chicago's a good one. The one here is good too, but the Chicago one... Is that like in, you know that movie where they get in the fight in the towels? It's not as, that's like real deal shit.

This one is more of a, I don't know, more like old spa type shit. But they have a restaurant upstairs and it's like Russian food, it's unbelievable. But downstairs, I was in there and they had, you know, I was sitting there by they had, you know, I was sitting there by myself, a big huge sauna. Outside is the cold room, the cold plunge,

and then across is the steam, but I liked the sauna. So I'm sitting there by myself and there was another guy that across from me looked Asian. And he was sitting, he goes, you're a pig, pick your feet. Do you call that a dick? He said, no. He didn't have a big dick either. That's funny.

I don't take my dick out in those things though. Not huge on that either. No. Juice it now though. Finish your story. You get what? Finish the bathhouse thing. Yeah.

Wait a minute. Is there a big? I interrupted with the. Is there a big juice drink I can take? Right now, right now. Like, you know girls get the Botox in the lips. Oh, I don't want to stick a needle in my dick. Huge right now, right now, like, you know, girls get the Botox in the lips. Oh, I don't want to stick a needle in my dick.

Huge right now. Popping off in New York. Sure. Them popping up. Yeah. But dicks in dicks. What do you do to your dick? Not cheap, but apparently it like works.

And I don't know if it affects it that much, but it's like it's literally for show. I think it's probably big in the gay guy community. But basically, you know, you just get injections into your deck and hangs a bit better. I'm not into that. I want your grinder profile. I don't want to stick it. I'm fine with my grinder profile. Oh, yeah, especially your. But however, let's say you are doing a let's say you are doing porn, like a show

where you're like for comically, you're going to run around. You wouldn't take a couple of injections to get a little heat on there. If I was doing a movie, you're doing a movie dicks out, you know, and it's like a funny scene. They're not, you know, it's not supposed to be too big, too small. You wouldn't add a little juice. I was, you know, it's funny that you came up with this and I was like, there's no, 100% no way I would ever do something like that. But in that scenario, I'm thinking in a movie where I had to take my dick out. Yeah, I

Probably do I think what a lot of guys do is they're like, you know what? I'm taking one photo. I get one photo where I'm out there. You know a photo or a movie well for the profiles I'm saying, you know We're gonna do a photo shoot for the movie with my dick You're gonna know if you were doing like a Calvin Klein shoot, which I'm I don't know if they've talked to you yet But they did I said no, I said no. I said no. Yeah. Yeah. I was like not yet Couple more couple more men's here. I Yeah, how did I become fat in this story? Why am I getting fucked with I haven't seen your dick either

I'm telling you I would juice. Do you have a small dick? No dick fine, but I say I probably more of a grower than show her I am too. There you go. Nice piece. I don't know If I was in that's a better podcast than us doing act like I got a nice piece Yeah, I do have a nice having a sick piece is pretty sick. I do sick sick piece. What's up sick piece? Let's blow it up. Blow it up blow it up make come back goes worlds back together. Yeah I think I would maybe maybe for something like that. I've gotten a couple. But if I was in a movie, I was actually in a movie,

I was in a TV show where I'd have sex with my wife and they put the sock on, but my thing, it went away. Like it went in my body. So the sock just came off. It was embarrassing. You it went in my body. So the sock just came off. It was embarrassing. You know what I mean? That's so funny.

Because you're supposed to put it over your junk and your penis. Excuse me, everybody. Could we get a smaller sock over here on the floor? Uh, can we, uh, can we get a PA of props? Props, can we, we need, uh, uh. We have the children's sock on hand if we could. We need, can we actually, does anybody have a small balloon?

That sucks dude. Cause everyone's watching too, right? It's a whole big debacle. There's 15 people in the room. Yeah. And they're like, where's the sock? I'm like, it's down by my feet. I can't, I can't necessitate a grown man's sock.

That's what happens. That's what I'm saying. You get a, you get a few injections. It holds it down a little. Yeah, but then what happens? It goes away. I got to go get it, and then it's gone. That's how they get you.

Yeah, I don't want to be fiending like meth. Yo, man, I got a scene, dude. That's what happens, yeah. These guys, I think they go back like three times a year, probably. These are guys with a lot of money or no kids. Yeah, it's what I can guys. So yeah, I could never be like, Dad, where are you going? Going to get my, uh, how do I say this?

I would never be able to do that. Catching your dad walk. Catching your dad. If I told my wife, Hey, where are you going? I'm going to get my dick bigger. For what? For who? I get it. No, no. for what? Yeah, yeah, OK. We're using it. I was just leaving what it is. Say, yeah, buy a couch. It really is like it's a vanity project because I don't think it

is a lot of 100 percent. It's so weird, the stuff that we're doing. Well, Botox also makes you not sweat because I went to a doctor. Well, that has been a problem. My dick sweats too. My dick sweats. Yeah. Danny got armpit Botox also makes you not sweat because I went to a doctor once. You get Botox. Well, that has been a problem. My dick sweats too much. My dick sweats too much. Yeah. Danny got armpit Botox. Did you really?

Yeah. I went to the doctor once and they did it once, but you're going to have to do it like every three months. So I stopped doing it. How much was it Danny? The insurance didn't cover it and it was expensive, but I don't remember exactly what it was. You know, I kind of what it was.

It a hundred percent worked. How much was it? Around. 300. We're not gonna check, just lie. 300. 300 bucks for one? It's not that much.

It's not that much. I thought you were gonna say more. He lives with his mom. It's a lot. Yeah, what did you think it was gonna be, $25? I literally thought insurance was gonna cover sweaty Jewish armpits. I know a couple people who have gotten the sweaty armpits thing. Uh huh. Which yeah, it's, I don't, you're supposed to sweat.

You're a man. Yeah. But he, he, we brought him up to, I have a little leg place and he was up there. He had a double shirt. He has shirts with. I have shirts to have like vaginal pads built into the armpits to soak up my sweat Why and then I wear and I wear two of them And he left one he left one didn't

Pants soup and reverse he left one in Max's car. I'm one of your backs your arm maxi pads Yeah, you sure she can please do don't touch me with it This is oh, my God. It's a heavy piece of machinery right there. I mean, this is just kill you. Is that much of a problem? Danny, kill yourself. Seriously, take your life.

You were you're saying you put on the like extra protective B.O. shirt and it wasn't making a dent. God takes naps. That is proof. God was on the belt one day and he went, and I was like, oh, shit. And he started with Danny got passed. I mean, that is a crazy thing to do.

I mean, getting your lips done, though, you know, you can change the color of your eyes now, which I actually, I don't mind that. I would love to have blue eyes like you. No, I don't know what they do. I think they, I think they inject it with the color that you want. Probably looks weird. Yeah. But I mean, if you, I would, if I had your eyes, you know, fucking popular, I'd be, I got shit brown Boston eyes. That's right. You're telling your wife every night, like, you know, if I didn't have these eyes, you don't know. That's what I tell the voices in my head. Why I'm at a three

bedded ranch and fucking Greenberg by a different eyes. Have I different eyes? I'll be on the tour with Bert Crescia. I did a recently, I did the, I as an Austin and the guy said, come in and do the full health blood work, everything. Yeah. And he was like, basically it was like, they're all fine. But it was like, stress was the number one thing and it goes, it was affecting everything.

Yeah. So I started looking into that and I started trying to meditate. But like most of the meditations are all like, if you do the guided ones, they're all kind of set up for like girls. It's very like love yourself shit. And it was like, just pisses me off. Yeah. You can get guided.

I have a guy one. Yeah. I couldn't find it. Well, even the guy one, it was like, it's like a guy. I haven't found one I like because even I found a guy one, but it's like some fruitcake whisper in my ear. Like, you are enough. Like, think about it.

You know, you're just, you just need to relax. Just sit there and you're like, get up. Fuck you. You know, yeah, because you, here's, how old are you? 38. Okay, girlfriend? Yeah. Wife, married, soon?

Girlfriend. Okay. What are you working for? When you're, I'm gonna say this. When you're broken, when you have a kid and a wife and your life is gone and the ego's gone and the narcissism and the the the vanity is gone from you and it will be taken away from life.

Yeah. Meditation you'll is like you'll you'll you'll be able to do it. Do you do it? I do it all the time. I have a I did or do you actually do it? I have a sauna. Did I get weird? That's what they said. A sauna in the cold plunge. They were kind of saying the other stuff that they say is like all seems like it was written by a girl. They're like more vacations, more cling like all this that's bullshit right but also the vacation with a girl is Not a vacation think of that no because what are we doing? Where we going? We and they did like Magellan they want to fucking discover the island again. It's complete. It sucks vacation with me you

Do what are you doing? I'll see you later. Okay, dude. I'll be over here. Okay, I'll be back later. Especially, I feel like, because of, you know, if you do any job that's like a lot of administration and booking and you're in different hotels, you're like, yeah, that's a vacation for me. More of this, except I'm not getting paid this time. Dude, I need a vacation from a vacation.

I want to go away by myself. I go in the woods by myself. The woods must help. Dude, being by yourself in the woods. So you're pretty zen, eh? You gotta figure it out. Well, no, because while I'm meditating, I always have to, it's like, I was meditating this morning. This is my meditation. Hmm. Everything's great. Everything's good. Everything's great. Be grateful for the things you have. I'll fucking smoke where I wanna smoke. It's my fucking house.

I'll put a fence up, I don't give a shit. Fuck you, I'll fucking, I smoke, it's my property. It's my property, you live there, I live here. I fought with a lady today, my neighbor for the house I don't own. A house I'm trying to buy, I had a fight with the neighbor this morning about my cigar smoke and a fence I wanted trying to buy. I had a fight with the neighbor this morning about my cigar smoke and offense I wanted to put up.

I don't own the house. Not even in contract. You understand me? Sure. Full fledged. Go fuck yourself. While I was meditating, I had to go. I had to go. It's a constant. You say a phrase. Well, no, I don't.

I didn't because, you know, they it's, um, what is the meditation? What's it called? Ta, um, not tantric. That's when they stick fingers in your ass. Yeah, no, it's, um, Transcendental, Transcendental. Seinfeld's always talking about, well, Stern Seinfeld, Quinn does it. All the Jews, but you, Quinn is an honor. You call it.. Quinn is an honor.

You call it. Quinn is definitely not. But I was talking about I was going to do it. So it's like 1800 bucks, maybe more. What are you paying for your phrase? Well, I go, dude, the money is just for the phrase. It's called your. Oh, wait, for real.

Yeah. What is it? What is it called? The mantra mantra. So they give you you get a black market phrase. Well, I was I told Quinn, I real? Yeah, what is it? What is it called? It's your mantra. Mantra. So they give you your get a black market phrase. Well, I was I told Quinn, I go, dude, let me get your mantra. I'll give you I'll give you a phrase. I was like, dude, let me just get your mantra. I can't afford 1800 bucks right now for therapy.

Let me just get you for the 10. Let me get your mantra. He's like, no, stingy with it. I go, why? He goes, you can't give away your mantra. That's part of it. You can never you have to get your own mantra. I'm like dude to give it to you I go who the fuck's gonna know you have to go to a

Transcendental whatever person and they give it to you. So now that's a new one every year Cut to my friend who were lives at the yoga studio He lives in the yoga building on 13th. He's a yogi, okay? In a wheelchair, but a yogi. Sam, whatever, I don't know. Yogi in a wheelchair is great, yeah. He's, it's nuts. He like wheels in, are you ready?

I guess. Are you? Are you comfortable? Are you in a comfortable seated position? Sure. Just the like shoes with the toes out, I'm just dangling on just the skinniest legs. I'm sorry Sam. I'm sorry.

Yes. So he takes me into this place and I'm like, dude, I can't afford, he goes, just come to me. So we went, we did a little yoga, two hour session in the yoga studio and we did meditation for an hour. And he had me doing all this transcendental stuff and at the end he's like he didn't give me my mantra, he didn't give me one. He's like when you come back. So we went up the stairs and the women yogis live on the fifth

floor, the men yogis live on the sixth floor. We went up to where they live in the building and the yogi guy with the beard, he walks by and he goes, this is our, hey Matt, hi, how are you? And he's like, yeah, all the guys are up here. The girls are on the other floor. There's a lady downstairs. She's a fucking. And I was like, what?

Even you? I'm like, fuck this. You're a yogi and you're going to deal with a. Do you know who Sam Harris is? Yeah, I actually he has. What is it? The calm. Wake.

You are awake. One of the absences was like, he's the grumpiest guy in maybe the world. Not in the app. That's what I'm saying. I got the app. It does some of those things like he's never not grumping around on the Internet. You know what I'm into that I really believe in that I don't really talk about a lot? Magic. It's magic. Santa Claus. What's this? Oh, there you go. It's a bit of cum. It's your mantra. Um, no, it's, um, manifestation. Oh yeah, that,

that's not crazy. Do you, do you believe in that? Well, to me, like that one's the most rational. Like there isn't a whimsical part of it, because you're like, hey, if I think about something nonstop, then you're going to make the moves towards that direction. Yeah, I believe in that. It's like, yeah, but it's like, I feel like you don't have to believe in it. I'm like, hey, if I think every day about getting in shape and then all my moves are like going to the gym and stuff like if you don't, if you just,

if you only think about it and don't do anything. Well, I think I believe in like. You'll get the house you want, you'll live just, if you only think about it and don't do anything. Well, I think I, I believe in like, you'll get the house you want. You'll, you'll live in the place you want to live. You'll have the people in your life that you want. You'll have the career that you want. It won't be exactly. But it'd be the feeling of it. It will be yours, which isn't, you know what I mean?

Like you might see this house, but you'll get that house. Yeah. You know what I mean? And it re like in high, you know, that old. You know what I mean? And it re, like in high. You know that old, there's an old saying where it's like, you want your day is to like, what do you want your day is to feel like? It's kind of like that with all of that stuff.

You're like, what's the energy of the, it might not be like, oh, I want this specific type of TV show. You're like, no, you don't. You want something that feels like that. Well, I think like even that, like TV, like I've all. That's what I mean. Yeah. I've gotten things where I'm, you know,

I'm like, I'm on this network. I remember FX, I always wanted to be on FX. Always, I loved the network, I loved the shield. Sons of Anarchy, rescue me. I always loved that shit. And I always used to think about it all the time, and I would always see it and kind of feel good about it. Not bad, it wasn't like a weird, you know, like I'm going to be on this show. I didn't do it. I just

would think about it until I smiled about it, until it was like a real thing. And all of a sudden, you know, uh, I'm on a show at Louie. Louie puts me on a show on FX. Then Dennis Leary writes a part for me and his show. And it's all, I look back and I'm like, wow. And it was so like this is weird but my sponsor used to tell me uh stop saying the unword no he used to use that all the time sponsors for the show please tone it down Please tone it down. I mean, wild if that was a sponsor for a show, if the KKK did a sponsorship, we need you to say this verbatim black.

What? The Jews promo code rise up. Um, but I, I, I would look, he was just say, it happens in the, the universe is time Like shit happens. Things that you see will happen, but not in your time. All of a sudden one day, if you want to stop doing something and you head towards that, you'll just don't do it. Somebody won't even realize it. It will just be like, remember I used to do that. It's gone now or things that you want. I believe in that shit. I've always believed in it. And I know

it's like some people. Well, I, I, I, the only reason I'm fighting back on the like whimsical nature of is because I always think like there's like, I put that in the functional category where you're like, that's an actual thing where you go, yeah, if I think about whatever this thing I want, like for example, I would say, okay, I want to be a comedian. This and that was like, but I still have to like, then I move here because I'm thinking about it. Yeah. But the opportunities come out of the blue. Like when I wanted to move here, I want to be a comedian, this and that. It was like, yeah, but I still had to like, then I moved here because I'm thinking about it. Yeah, but the opportunities come out of the blue. Like when I wanted to move here, I got a call.

Do they come out of the blue or do you like kind of surround yourself with those people and you sort of start? I don't, I mean, do they, don't they? I don't know, dude. You know what I mean? Like things happen and you're like, what the fuck? Like weird shit happens. Like when I was moving to New York, I want like, Dane went, Billy went, Patrice went.

I'm like, fuck. I'm in Boston. I was like, I will move to New York. I will, you know, I used to do, say like things like the walls of lack of delay now crumble away, shit like that. I would say things over and I would see myself in New York. All of a sudden, my agent to this day,

when he was just a booker, called me. He's like, yo man, I just saw your acting reel. If you have a camuflaurel, I'd love to represent you. A month later, I was living in New York. Then I called Billy. I was like, dude, I'm moving to New York. He's like, well, I don't live in my place. You want to rent that? I was like, yeah. I rented his place for like $3.25 a month on 97. All of a sudden I'm in New York, I'm just there, happened. Know what that might be too, with you, that probably is actually good advice

and I'm even thinking as you're saying that, is like, you're fairly like open person. Like even just, okay, so when I moved here, for example, like you strike me as a guy that like, would be okay to talk to, you know what I mean? Certain people are like, oh, they have their friends, they're sad, like, don't bother them, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whereas I think maybe that openness like brings stuff into your life. I don't know, dude, I know everybody believes in something and I know everything is weird to the people that don't believe in it. You know, some people believe in Jesus and that, you know, whatever, I get it. I get it. But I don't, I would never ever be like, oh, that doesn't work. I think your brain is so powerful and so like what you can do with it. And I believe in energy, I believe in all that stuff,

and that you can, whatever you do to make that happen is what you do, it gives a shit, I don't care. Some people use ego. Some people are so narcissistic. I feel like that can only take you so far. Why? Because I feel like riding exclusively on ego is somewhat like a young guy's game.

I think it's a young guy's game, but it's also, it gets to the point where it will turn on you at some point. Oh, that's true. Yeah, because everybody with an ego, all the narcissists at the end, towards the end, everybody turns on you because what you had to do to have that belief in you, you had to fucking hurt a lot of people. You had to fuck a lot of people. I mean, this goes on. I mean, that's kind of happening. Right. Fucking Dan Soda, Joe List. I mean, look what he's doing to Sarah. I mean, it's nuts. I mean, poor Jay, he's stuck with me. Fucking stinks.

I want to talk to you about being like Canada, because I've always loved Canada. I've always loved it. I mean, I toured Canada. I've gone from one side to the other. I love Just For Laughs, and I was always a fan of Canada. I love the way they do it. I love the way they do it. I love the way they do it.

I love the way they do it. I love the way they do it. I love the way they do it. I love the way they do it. I love the way they do it. I love the way they do it. I love the way they do it. I love the way they do it. I love the way they do it. I love the way they loved it. I mean, I toured Canada. I've gone from one side to the other I love Just for Laughs and I was always a fan of Canada, but it seems like Canada is getting weird

I feel like I more like I don't know if identify is the right word But like I feel like I'm a Toronto guy, you know, like what? Yeah, what is that people are like? I'm a New York guy Like they wouldn't maybe some of the people here like don't really But like I very much like Toronto, I think is the sickest place. But like the actual rest of Canada is kind of a lot different. I never, I think Canada as a country is always kind of crappy. But I feel like it was a cool place to be and now... Which it depends on where.

Is it? I don't know. Vancouver to me was always like East Coast, West Coast. Like Vancouver was a little too hippie for me. I love Vancouver. Toronto is cool. I love that it was right there in the mountains. There's a lot of places that are awesome to visit, but like when you're actually spend time there, Quebec's the perfect example. Like after five days, you're like, all right. Right. Is it really bad? Quebec? Have you ever been? I've been to Montreal. I've been to

what's the other place up there? Three rivers. Yeah. I've been, I've been, I went from st. John to Vancouver st. John John's What's Newfoundland Newfoundland? Yeah to st. John Halifax Toronto, I mean every fucking moose jaw I did every town all the way from one side to the other I was a mother was Newfoundland Newfoundland was one of my favorite places the crazy thing is they all sound like column over there Like those guys still sound Irish. It's a really weird place.

I had a comic that was like a Newfoundland comic and I did a show out there. Like I went there with my buddies and we just did like one random show. And this guy opened for me. I didn't understand a word he said and he was killing. It was like, Oh yeah, by his name, no coin. They need body buys like inside Newfoundland baseball. Oh yeah. And that's why Margaret's cooking over there. No, I his own. I know. Kind of need body boys like inside Newfoundland baseball. Oh, yeah. And that's why Margaret's cooking over there.

No, I didn't. I swear to God, I was literally like trying to not one word. This guy said I could understand. And then he was murdering, murdering. It was like part of Canada. It's weird speaking English. Yeah, that that section of we're going to take that little plane over there. And then you land and then we went we went to the tip of the tippity top up the with a. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where all the pirates were the lighthouse. Yeah. Where they brought the people from the Titanic in. Uh huh.

Um, yeah, that's where the submarine thing recently just happened. What's the submarine thing? Wasn't it the the guy who's the billionaires that died on the submarine? That's what yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And his son, we were trying to, we were, I was like in contact with his son because I. No, you weren't. Yeah, because I like loved that whole thing.

Before. Yeah, and then his son became like a big controversy. No, after, because his son became a big controversy. How could you be in touch with him after? He didn't die. His stepdad died. All right, listen to me. I want to tell you something.

Everybody in that sub died. He wasn't on the sub. Oh. His stepdad died. But there was his father and son on the sub. Oh, his stepdad died. But there was his father and son on the sub. Yeah, he was the Indian guy. His stepdad was OK. I thought you were fucking talking to a ghost.

I'm like, what are you talking about? So there was a father and son. They're dead. And then you were talking to who? There's some billionaires that died. His stepson was a big controversy because the next day he was like at the Blink 22 concert and he was like, Oh, yeah, I heard about this. Oh yeah. His name is Brian, audio guy. And I was, everyone like turned on him and I was like defending this guy hard because he was at the concert. I just thought it was funny. Yeah. And I was just like, this guy's the man. And then there was like, he has like 12

restraining orders against him. And if you go to his Twitter, it's him just like racial slurs, like everything. And then dude, why, why racial slurs? Cause he's like wild. Where's he from? San San Diego, San Diego. Yeah. I was going to fly him in. And then he was like a hassle to get, he was like such a hassle that we kind of lost touch. And if you go look at his Twitter recently, I keep touch. I keep in touch with him, not in touch with him tabs on him. And I went to his Twitter recently and it was someone posting like, Hey, just so you know, this guy is like a predator, blah, blah.

And he just reposted them like, go fuck yourself. You wish you could suck this dick. Like he posts shit like that all day long. Oh, bring it up. Dude, he's the goat. And he's a millionaire now, right? He was, I think his mom is and by proxy, he probably got some cash. Yeah.

Jesus. Billionaire, not million. I think his mom is, and by proxy, he probably got some cash, yeah. Jesus. Billionaire, not millionaire. What is he supposed to do? Your father dies in a stupid, your father's like, okay, I'm going on this dumb sub thing. You know it's dangerous. You know this could possibly happen. He fucking dies.

I mean, Blink 182 is not gonna be around forever. You're gonna knock out of the concert, yeah. Yeah, we are not gonna have, you know what I mean? Your dad would want you to go. Not to mention you're the center of this like news frenzy. That's like this guy's hilarious, though. But he basically he's been just like going off nonstop. And we look him into the pot.

He looks like a fucking maniac. He is such a maniac. What did his dad do? What was your military fights with like no B or something? What was his daddy? Cardi B. Oh yeah, he had all these like fights with public people. Why would you fight with Cardi B? Because she trashed him for the submarine situation. Oh, fuck her. She's a moron.

It's an ex stripper with weird tits that became famous during fucking some weird shit this country was on. I was on his side too, I agree. Yeah, she's a fucking... Oh God. I hate the fact that our public figures are just pieces of garbage. Oh, I know. And it's you just eliminate all that. Right. Mm hmm. Fuck them. Give them a Snickers commercial. Put them on the Super Bowl.

You don't need to hear who she's voting for. I don't give a fuck. I mean, it's it's it's nuts to me that with a literal stripper that had a couple of good rap songs and I don't I don't I like like a voice of a generation. Yeah. And it's like Snoop Dogg really has a fucking really he's the guy. There is no brand that Snoop Dogg won't endorse. He has like a thumbtack line.

There's just legitimately you name it. This guy who murdered somebody. Exactly. And there's bad things he did. Yeah, we're we're fucking upside down right now. I went I went to the Trump rally in the Bronx. Of course you did. No, I filmed. I was like, you look like you fucking voted for Trump. You wish you were American, don't you?

No, I've never voted. Throw the fucking American. That was saving me a lot of trouble and money. But you don't have to. Well, your prime minister, you think he's going to get reelected? No, he's I've never seen probably in my lifetime, but probably in the history of the country, a more hated guy. And we have a game to play with you if you want to play Trudeau game.

Yeah, Trudeau game. Yeah, let's do it. You guys got it? Yeah. You know, we tell them about the game, please. We have a game, a Canadian game for you. Yeah, so we have pictures. Some of them are of Justin Trudeau and some of them are black men. Now, again, some of them are Justin Trudeau and some of them are black men. And you have to decide which ones...

Would fuck my wife. No, they'd all fuck your wife. Which one is a black man and which one is Trudeau? Yeah. OK, let's play the game. Do we have music? I'll be sure to pull it up. Dude, I'll say one thing before you start the game. Trudeau, people turned on him so much that like every blog,

like every post you see, they'll post something like, oh, Trudeau has his new immigration. Like people don't, people aren't even mad. They're just like, they're just like, this guy's a clown. Like you'll see someone, they'll go, you know, Trudeau proposes a pathway for immigration. And the top comment is just like, we need a pathway to get this clown out of office.

I know they fucking. People aren't even mad the way they are in America. Everyone's just like, who's the guy, who's the other guy on the, who's going against him? That guy, I forget his name, uh, Pera, Pera, it's out to the peak. Oh, Pierre Polier. Yeah. Yeah. And Jagmeet Singh's the other guy. I know's going against him that guy if you get his name pair pair such with a P. Oh Pierre Paulier yeah yeah Jagmeet Singh's the other guy I like that guy. Paulier's fine. He's just a common sense. He's like that. Anything's

better like he Trudeau is legitimately the dumbest idiot. He's a piece of shit. He's a piece of work too. He really is and he does he has to take breaths he doesn't know how to speak he's like we're going to as can it canadians and he takes these deep breaths and anytime he speaks and we're going to make things easier for immigration to it's like dude just fucking learn how to talk i hate him he's the biggest piece of baloney and it's like yeah as much as every politician lies he's like on crack he lies and doesn't give a shit he doesn't give a shit. He doesn't give a shit. He will lie and then lie on top of a lie and then lie in the lie. He's a lie, lie, lie.

And then lie on that. Yeah. And then he goes into, he does these like tours where he'll be like, fuck over the construction workers. Then he does a photo shoot and then the construction outfit. Everyone calls him Mr. Dress Up, right? Yeah.

He's always wearing a new outfit. Are we ready with the game? Yeah, yeah. Let's do it. Yeah. Hello, we have Ryan Long and Robert Kelly on Justin Trudeau or Black Man. Thank you guys for coming on the show.

Hi, I'm Robert Kelly, the host of your show, Is It Trudeau or Is He Black? Welcome, Ryan. It's a good time to have you on the show. Thank you so much. Happy to be here. I'm an expert in the topic. As a Canadian, let's play the game.

Are you ready? Let's go. Give it to me. Hit the game. Are you ready? Let's go. Give it to music. Okay. Here is the first music. Now Ryan, take your time. Is that a black man or is it true? Doe?

Is this? Is there more to this game? Are you actually a show pictures of no budget? We're a low budget podcast. I have three dumb kids working for me. This is what it is. What do you say? We're a low budget podcast. I have three dumb kids working for me. This is what it is. What do you say?

I'm gonna take a shot in the dark here and say that no pun intended, that's not Trudeau. Ding, ding, ding, correct. That is a black man. Yeah, that is a real black man. All right. That's a Canadian black man, not an American black man. One for the good guys.

Here we go. Next up, are you ready? Look at me, Ryan. Are you ready to play? There's a lot of... Is it Trudeau or a black man? Oh, they get harder. OK. Now, is they... We all get harder as the guys get black man. Take your time. Is this Trudeau or is it a black man?

I'd like to phone a friend on this one. Sure, go ahead. Don't have any friends, so I'm just going to say this is Trudeau and two also not black men. Correct Punjabi men, right? You are correct. Let me host the show, you fucking asshole. You've done enough stage time. Danny just wants in.

It's a legendary photo, by the way. That is a great photo. That is Trudeau in black face. I don't know if it's black face. That was a Halloween costume. That's an arrow. He's a genie, right? I don't, here's the problem with this one. It's brown face.

Yeah, it's brown. He didn't need to go full black face on this. He could have just got a tan and pulled it off. 100%. I think this photo has been darkened a little cause it is brown face. But we did darken it a little bit. You underestimate how much he likes dressing up

and he really likes to nail the costume. Oh yeah. Are you ready for the next one? You are two for two. Two for two, right? Is that Trudeau or a black man? I see how the game gets a little more complicated. OK, I got you. You're like you're trying to throw me neither potentially, right? Well, this is a black man, right? I don't know. I'll buy no black man.

This is the opposite of this is the opposite of Trudeau, because this is a black guy looking white. Yes, Trudeau is a white guy looking black. Yeah, it is. Well, so what's your answer? This is not Justin Trudeau. Is it? Is it a black man? Yes.

Final answer. Final answer. That's a black man. Danny, that is a black man. Ding, ding, ding, ding, that's a black man. Danny? That is a black man. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. That's three for three. We have some more. Are you ready to play?

Is it Trudeau or is it a black man? Lock it and load it. Here we go. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Take your time. Jesus Christ, Danny. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, this is a trick question now.

It is a trick question. So this is clearly neither. Well, is it Trudeau or is it a black man? If I have to pick between those two answers. Like there's two buttons. We haven't worked the game out yet. So we might have to add a third button. We're gonna have to to add a third button.

We're going to have to go for a third button, which is neither. It's neither. Is that your final answer? Is this true? No. Is this your final answer? Fuck is it? You know, he was a drama teacher. Is it your father?

Neither. That's not real. Are you sure? Yeah, I'm sure. Lock it. It's not neither. Lock it in. You are Danny.

Correct. That's not true. No, that is Howard Stern. That is Howard Stern. No, it's Ted Danson. Ted Danson. Ted Danson, sorry. Our judge had to be corrected by a judge.

I hate both of them. Ted Danson. Was this when he was dating Whoopi Goldberg? Yes, that was. He got a lot of trouble for that one. I mean, he didn't have to go so big on the white. The lips catch you. I mean, that's nuts.

We got another one, Danny? We got another one. We got another one. Are you ready for the, is this the final one? Final one. Final one, are you ready? You're gonna go four for one or five for five? Are you ready?

Clock it. My question to you ready? Clock it. My question to you is this, Ryan, my question. Look at me, Ryan. This is for the fans. This is for the all the marbles. This is for all the marbles. Is that Trudeau or is that a black man? Do we have game show music plan here?

Had it. It was it ended. Yeah, I feel like you would want some like, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. What are you gonna say? His name might be Justin. Is that Justin Trudeau or is it a black man? I'm gonna go black man. Has to be, right?

Danny, that's a black guy, it has to be. Correct, that is a black man. That is a black man. That is a black man. You won the first ever episode. Is it true? Doe or is it a black man? Five for five. How do you feel?

I want to thank the people down at Wilson's Paint for making this game possible. I mean, he is a fucking work of art. Bring up what is he? Didn't he do? He's dressed as a Native American. Did he? Oh, that was the way to India. And then he wore the like he he put his whole family in the full gear. What the what are you supposed to do that when you go there? He's dressing up like a dressing up like a politician, you know.

Apparently. Well, it's funny because they have a guy that goes around dressed as, uh, you know, the Mexican dude with the big sombrero. I think he's done some. No, he probably hasn't done some. And he's walked up to Mexican people. Is this cool? And they're like, yeah, it looks great. We love that you're wearing it. The only, and then he walked up to a Chinese. He walked up, he wore all that shit and every different culture.

The most, the only people that have a problem with people dressing up like other cultures is white. The sombrero store down the road. Is white people. Well, they have a problem because nobody's buying them anymore. People are afraid to buy a sombrero. You can't wear this. You're like, what are you working for? The competitor? Halloween is just going to be us dressing in suits. Everyone's a businessman. Yeah. Everyone's a businessman.

Yeah, everyone's a businessman. You can be a businessman or a hockey player. Or a golfer. That's it. Unbelievable, man. It's getting so fucked up. Yeah. The sombrero store is definitely like, I'll tell you, definitely didn't like, uh, oh my

God selling sombrero. Is that him? That's, that's AI, but yes, he didn't know he's done native for sure. That was, he was on, bring up, bring up real stuff. Once a week he used to go to like a native reserve and do an apology to her. Dude, I think the most hated prime minister, cause there was a liberal prime minister and a, and a like conservative prime minister before him. They were both there for like 10 years and both of them were pretty well liked. Yeah. They were like both pretty good. We never hear of Canada. Like I'm saying is like I've never heard a candidate like we've last hated guy was his dad. Yeah.

Oh yeah. Literally. Last guy. Castro. Yes, exactly. Have you ever seen that photo? I mean, that's nuts. Oh yeah.

It looks exactly like there is that's AI. Oh, that one's real. I think. Oh no, that can't be real. That's a do this. Did he? Yes. It was like not only do it once, it was like his a stupid. He didn't put the paint on. There's multiple pictures of this from the same thing.

I mean, can I say something in his defense? I I've fun. I mean, that is amazing. That hat is awesome. There's multiple from different angles, which makes me think it's real. I mean, wow. Type in Trudeau, Mr. Dress up, I bet you'll find a ton of stuff. Type in fat Robert. Now type in fat Indian Robert Kelly. See what comes up.

I was. Please type that in. Indian chief fat Robert Kelly. I was saying like a guy like Trudeau, too, because like all their opinions are like geared towards like a, you know, first year college student like it. Yeah. And now he's single. So it's going to be even worse because Trudeau single. Oh yeah.

What happened on the market? Wait a minute. Wasn't he, he was married. Yeah, he's married. So what happened? Uh, they got divorced like in the last two years. Why he did something possibly. Cause he did.

Is he gay? Close. You said he's gay. That's the next game we play. Is it Trudeau or is it a gay guy? Is this a dick in a butter of vagina? Can we get that a little closer up? The Robert, Indian Robert Kelly is not coming out.

No? No. You're saying when you typed in into Google AI, it said who the fuck is that? Text Mike Calder to send you the photo. We are. Um, yeah. Google. I wonder what's going to happen though, when they go conservative,

like if Trump wins, Canada gets a conservative. When is that up? When is Canada won't do anything that crazy. It'll just be like, literally they'll get rid of some of the nonsense that he did because there's no topic. Abortion is not on the table. Like all the big things like that aren't on the table. Yeah.

So it really is. There's no bogeyman. Like they're going to spend less potentially less free drugs. Like, you know, Canada is really fucking woke anyways. It's already. Yeah. It's already pretty like that. Like the conservative guy is just going to come in and probably like fix the

budget over the next eight years. That's kind of all just make it, make it Canada Canada. There's gonna be no crazy social stuff like the abortion What about the pipeline they can open that fucker up? That's true. There might be some pipeline ramifications Yeah, because what Canada did they had the pipeline? I believe correct me if I'm wrong and then Trudeau was like, oh give it back to the Indians The Indians like go fuck yourself now. They have, they have no way to get the oil. All this oil you guys have at Edmonton. They have to sell it to us at like fucking 10 cents

on the barrel. And they have to go to Quebec to get oil. And it's like, basically it's one of those like classic things where like the way that they're getting oil now is worse for the environment. You know what I mean? Yeah, all this shit. We're fucking stupid.

Well, he's like the clown of the world. Like I can't even think of American. Good looking guy, though. Of a clown. Good looking guy. Did it come up? No, we're still getting that. But this is a coloring book of Justin Trudeau.

Who are you getting? Color him as all of his different things. Oh, let's see. Can we see some? I have some inside people in the Canadian government that like work there and people that were like in his administration that I've like known and talked to. Right. And they basically said, because you they're like, he's a tyrant. Like he won't listen to his. He won't listen to like his economic advisors. Like you won't listen to anyone. Like he apparently it's it kind of, you know, like someone like Biden, people are like, oh, everyone's like pulling the strings. And he's just like, apparently Trudeau is like the opposite. Like he really is like, no, this is what we're doing. He's apparently like, and it's no for an answer. It's freaky, though, that a guy like that is running things

and fucking things up like that. It's like tearing down the country. Something's happening like what? Something's going on. And it's so beyond my pay grade. Who gives a fuck? He got elected like predominantly on legalizing weed. Really? Really? That's crazy. It's like kind of a big part of? He got elected like predominantly on legalizing weed. Really?

Yeah, really. That's crazy. It's like kind of a big part of why he got elected. What a piece of shit. Now the whole country smells like weed. Yeah. And they kind of fucked that up too. And it was like people, like most people when they legalize weed,

kind of were like, oh, I'll go buy weed at the store. And then now everyone's just kind of like went back to their dealer. I love, I love going to Canada. I used to play the, there was a weed club, comedy club. There was so many weed clubs, but you're thinking of the underground. The underground dude. I remember I played there once.

I had to end my show. Puff Mama. I had to end my show early. Cause it's too high? I'm sober. Yeah. I'm years sober. You get baked in that place.

Well, I didn't understand it. So they do the show, and I'm like, oh, it's fine. They're smoking. The whole audience was smoking weed. There's no filtration. So 20 minutes into my act, I started seeing shit. And then 30 minutes in, I was like, guys, I'm going to. I got to go, dude.

I don't know what's happening right now. I don't want to lose my sobriety date for this shit. And I was like, I'm out. And I just went outside. Cause it was, and they were like, cool man. It's all right. We get it. Nobody gave us a, like, all right man.

But it was one of the, I was starting to, like I was starting to do like new riffs. Like 20 minutes in, I was like, man, the government. Beezer, what's the deal with bees? Dude, the government is getting, I mean, it's weird that the way they come at you, man. I was like, what am I saying? I do dick jokes.

I just said the government, what the fuck's happening? Are you all right there fucking? They're tracking our phones, yeah. Yeah, I loved that place though, great. I mean, I did a million of those because that's just like, when you start comedy, there's so many weed shows. But they kind of all got shut down when it got legal because it was a gray area, right?

It was like prohibition where it's like, there was eight years probably where it was kind of like, there's all these weed places, you can smoke there, it's kind of not legal, but no one says anything. Once it became legal, they, well, now they have regulations and they just shut everything down. Dude, they were going to like unauthorized weed shops and like breaking down the door and like confiscating everything.

Like weird that Canada would do that. Canada does that. I don't understand it. Like Canada was always the P I've seen like a peaceful place where people were more tolerant than us. And then to hear that they're doing shit like that to people and businesses is fucked up like weird. And it's got to be this.

I think a lot of it was Trump related period. Really? Oh, yeah. I mean, everywhere in the world, like if you track all of it, it was already because it's about to go down again. They were pretty pumped up in the Bronx. Oh, dude. I'm out. Can I tell you? Yeah, please. Now, when you went up there, were you going up there as a Trump supporter? No, I was making a video.

I did a video finding the straightest guy at the Trump rally. First of all, that's not that's when I dress like an Indian and that's my senior picture of my yearbook. You piece of shit. Next, did you text Calda? No, that's just a fat picture. That's a good find. Good hair, dude.

Yeah, I used to wear Bolo ties. No, that's just a fat picture. That's a good find though. He hasn't responded yet. Good hair, dude. Yeah, I used to wear Bolo ties. I did a video this finding the straightest guy at the Trump rally. What? Like, like who's the least gay guy at the Trump rally? Right. You know, you see a guy with like an NRA badge. Sure.

I was asking him, like, you know, if someone touched your dick, would you have a problem with that? It's like, fucking touch my dick. You're going to have a sore jaw in the morning. It's like, okay, pretty straight stuff. Like just, you know, who's the straightest guy there. It's such a great line. You'll have a sore jaw. People were going, there was this one guy who was like, he had a shirt that says CCP lies, like China lies. And he had like the Trump ad and he had, he had, uh, I can't remember, whatever.

He was just like decked out in the full gear. And I was asking him about, you know, what if your daughter was gay and he goes to the fucking LGBTQ? They don't know what the fuck they're up to. They don't know where they are. They started coughing. He's getting stressed out. Even talking about it. You thought if you killed them, a heart attack, because you, what if your daughter was queer?

It just died. Yeah, there was mostly normal people like, you know, but the way they represent it's like normal people like, you know, what? But the way they represent it's like a bunch of it's it's a bunch of racists are up there. But it was not it wasn't predominantly white for starters. It was a lot of people of color. A lot of everything. Yeah. Up there, which is wild.

Yeah. Was it a big crowd? Pretty big. I mean, here's one thing is you have to act. I didn't go to it. I was kind of like outside because they actually go to it. First of all, you buy a ticket. Then you wait in line for four hours. Probably. I mean, take it. My guess would be 40 bucks. Can you get it on stub hub? I think there's ways to get. I think what happens is halfway through. They start giving them out for free. You can get them. Yeah, but like, I mean, you're like a grown man, regardless of what politician you like waiting in line, like a 12 year old girl, like your Taylor Swift, like a Taylor Swift show. Like that feels crazy. It feels crazy to go see. You got really love of Trump.

But these, I mean, dude, these people, it's become religion, dude. Politics are religion now. The way people believed in Jesus Christ back in the 80s, they believe in Biden or they believe in Trump or whatever party they're in. That's their religion. Cause that's the right way. And it was like a religious experience. It felt like it was it was how was his speech? Was it good? I didn't see it. I was too far away. I couldn't hear it. I saw little bits afterwards, but was the place going nuts going crazy, but it was crazier inside. Cause once you get, once you probably get in the rally,

there's like 10,000 people with like sniper rifles pointed at you. Like it's serious business, right? What do you mean? Yeah, like the, I don't know, cause he's still at secret service. Yeah, dude. Like, so when you go to these rallies, like if you, if you actually went to the rally and tried any funny business, like probably that's the end of you, you know, what are you doing? Oh, all right. Can you tell me so we don't just know that you're fucking you have autism? I don't know if you're going to hit me in the head with a mic stand. The one guy they were yelling the two sides. There was a fight. So a fight broke out between the Biden people and the other people really fucking yelling and punching. And then they started having a fuck Donald Trump

chant. And then they go and then they started to fuck Biden chant chanted the one main guy of the Biden people stand up and he goes, we don't like him either. It was like, oh, well then do this. This next year for comedy is going to be fucking ballista. Oh my God. Rich Voss. Will you not? Can you not? Why can you like, I'm going to move. Well, you're not. Can you not? Why can you like I got to move so they set you camera?

Boss, take over for a second. I got to beat up bodies in there. I mean, hopefully, she's not going to take that guy's not you. Rich Voss, the Canadians have have our seat at the table. That's right. Yeah. But Bonnie doesn't care about any of that shit. The what? The Canadians have our seat at the table once.

So hang on really. Are we filming? Yeah. You got Voss. We good. Why is that? I didn't work right there. I will get it on. We're not staying. I just said, is it on boss? And you said, yes, Max.

I just find we're still recording. I don't it's a drawing. I just said, is it on Voss? And you said, yes, Max. I just find where he's still recording. I don't know. It's a drawing I had some fan made. Why? It's me in the bottom. Are you retarded? Yes, it is you. But what?

What? Who is it? It's Colleen. Oh, God, I'm sorry. I apologize. There we are. So what were you saying about how the Jews don't have the right to Israel? Go ahead.

What were you saying? Is he fucking pro-Palestinian? Yes. You're from Canada? He's pro-Palestinian. He's not, listen, he just wants the babies not to be killed. Go ahead, tell him what you were saying. I'm kidding, we weren't talking about any of that, dummy.

I'm joking with you. Yeah, I was taking more of a no to both stance, but. We just missed the game show we had. Oh. We had a, well, she doesn't have a seat yet. Bonnie, you make it up. I thought it was in a program, but. We're giving you.

It doesn't seem fun at all. Bonnie, just leave. Bonnie, go. Two people having a game show? What are we doing? It was, it was. We're two grown adults. I know, Bonnie, you're so mature.

Staring into each other's eyes. Bonnie's the most mature person ever. Everything you do is so highfalutin'. I'm not saying he's highfalutin'. That's what you're saying. I don't. We can't have fun, because Bonnie says it. Me and my friends don't sit and look at each other's eyes.

I know. Let's call this a game show. You guys talk about such fun, awesome, intelligent stuff, Bonnie. You're better than all of us. I guess. Shut the fuck up. I us. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

Having silly talk. Yeah we have a fun time until fucking nerd all Bonnie showed up with her fucking weird guy jacket. We might get seven comments on this. We might get likes. That's what we want. Seven likes. That's why you weren't my phone a friend Bonnie. Yeah she's not anybody's friend. What is? Boss doesn't even like you.

What is the game? I love her. It's his game show. You don't even sleep in the same room with her. That doesn't mean anything. That doesn't, what? You guys are separate beds? Yes.

Separate rooms. Not separate beds, rooms. You figured it out, man. That's actually what it is. I tried to do separate houses, but he came in the new one. Separate states. No, it's- That's funny if she but he came in the new one.

That's funny if she wanted you to keep the old house. I was like, why don't you just stay here? He was on the fence. He was like, I might, he didn't feel like moving his stuff. That was when my sexuality, she the other day said to me, don't look at me as your wife, look at me as your life coach. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what women are for, That's why you get married. Otherwise you're weird. I'm sorry. Usually coaches want you to win, though. Yeah. Well, at least help you win. I love that he had the fucking offer. We were doing a game show. Bonnie is the worst.

Literally the worst person to have any podcast. She will come in and ruin it with her. Oh, don't act like this was just a remarkable podcast right before I walked in. This was top shelf right before you came in there, kid. Ryan was talking about. We're talking banter, we're talking meditation. Oh no, he went to the Trump rally the other day.

He went to the Trump rally. He went to the Trump rally the other day. He went to the Trump rally. He went to the Trump rally the other day. I filmed who's the straightest guy at the Trump rally. Yeah. Did he, what did he, what did he say? Only rally, they love the cops. This is funny because all the cops are there, so they're like, back the blue! And the cops are like, okay, but calm down, you guys over there.

Good work, guys! Like, they're like cheering on the cops. They're cheering at the cops telling them to settle down. What did Trump say about the Middle East? I didn't see his speech, I was at the other part. Like they're like cheering on the cheering, the cops telling them to settle down. What did Trump say about the Middle East? I wasn't. I didn't see his speech. I was at the other part, but I think he's an Israel guy. No, he was. He was filming his Instagram videos.

He wasn't watching the speech. Yeah, I was filming my little videos. What are you, Rachel Feinstein? I don't know. I love it here because I feel so free, like no one will ever see it. You know what I mean? I can really practice, just do whatever I want. You can also put on a special that will happen too.

Oh. Fuck off. That would've hurt if it had been real, but. I was in your show downstairs for a few minutes. What show? We walked through. At the Village of the Down. Then I sat and watched, it was, you know, you were talking to the old guy

about Master of the Hood. He got mad at me. From England? He got mad. Not his wife. Well, no, his wife was great. She was such a hoot, but he got angry. Like he got like, I think I hit a nerve.

I was just faint. I was like, you know, I was just, I did something like when, you know, you keep going little whatever. And he was like, that's not the way I talk. I was like, you know, you, I was just, I did something like when, hey, you know, you, you keep going little whatever. And he was like, that's not the way I talk. I was like, what? I was like, well, I don't, I'm not fucking do voices. I was just joking.

He's like, but that's not the way I talk. And I was like, all right, dude, settle the fuck down. Jesus Christ. It's a, it's a tough night to do comedy the day after Memorial weekend. Stop with the fucking excuses yeah I was sticking up for your empty room no please don't because Tom Papa said the same thing no his was full his I know his was packed so it's not a cult in there he was doing a he was doing a sketch with this other

girl who's very funny and she would do a line, I thought very well, then he would do a line, crushing. It was so weird, it's like, you just love him so much. It's his fan base. Yeah, no, but it's, but usually they like the people that you bring, but they're like, mm. Did you do it? Yeah, I did stand up.

Did you kill? Did you follow that, who's the kid who went blast? No, I did stand up. Did you kill? Did you follow that? Who's the kid who went blast? No, last. They do sketches and then they do songs. I was the last comic. But there was guy before me. Did you take the money?

50 bucks, right? 50? Yeah. I got 25 when I did it. I got 100, I gave it right back. What? Yeah, no, I said give it to the Palestinians. I hate your wife.

How funny it bugs me. The guy that was on before me is fucking funny, man. I mean, I trashed him, but what's his name? Who was it? He's funny comedy. Jamie Wolfe? Oh, he's great. Oh, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Oh, you fucking don't know anything. You just said it. Why are you snapping at him? But this guy, he's great. Shut up. I know, he does have a don't know anything. You just said it. Why are you snapping at him? But this guy, and he's great. Shut up. I know, he does have a. I know comedy. He's good.

Well, he does have a. He's told me everybody is a genius. He did? Everybody, he wants, dude, he's a genius. I'm like, all right, with the genius. Yeah, what a fan he is of people that have their own driver's license. He's a big fan of that too Man, he's a great driver. It's a genius driver

This guy knows his right in his left Fantastic No, I was funny. Yeah, I stopped doing Tom Papa show Got a little fucking annoying. Whoa. Why I I don't know. It's twenty five bucks. Whatever it is. I don't want your money. That's what you got mad at. He pays people. Well, he's never had me in like a sketch.

Well, who wants to do a sketch? I would. I'm a thespian. I would love to do a sketch. She is too. I would love to be in it. I'm never in it. So he has you doing warm up. He doesn't have a lisp.

It was just like, all right, go do stand-up. I was like, all right, do whatever. What about put me in something? Let me sing a song. Well, you know what's interesting about that show is that you have to go on stage just completely without, like, you have to be completely not doing a character or comedian, because they're doing doing characters and then they're singing.

And then if you're the comedian and you're like, well, hello everyone, you know what I mean? It just feels so yucky. So you just have to like, Yeah. Oh, shut up. That's what you want? You want a piece of that? Yeah.

I wonder why you sleep in another room. I just told you what to shut up. And another thing. Give us two more. Tom Papa. Oh, she dissects everything. What? I thought that's what this was about.

We're talking about comedy. No, but I walk up. I'm discussing it. I walk up stage and she goes, I laugh nonstop. I did, I thought it was really, really funny. These are a couple things you should switch around. To you. Yeah, but she's your wife and she's a comic.

I listen to her. It's not like she's an open mic'er. She. Yeah, but she's your wife and she's a comic. I listen to her. It's not like she's an open mic'er. She knows what the fuck she's talking about. By the way, that's the biggest compliment Bobby Kelly's ever given me. I really don't like Bonnie. That's two of us. How about you?

I like the podcast. We've come to think of it. Nobody really likes Bonnie. Shut up and just take it, just take it. We love you. That's what Rich says every night. No, nobody really likes him. Yeah. Whenever we get into a fight, he goes, nobody likes you.

Who? You don't say that. Yeah, he says it all the time. Everybody loves him. He actually doesn't say that. He says, this is why people don't like you. What are you talking about? I referenced the Bonnie joke the other day. I was telling my girl the my you said my daughter.

People always say we look alike, which is annoying because I'm worried to hear them words, but which is annoying because I think I'm so much hotter than her. Yeah. Is that tattooed a guy from the specials? Kind of. The specials is the selector. You know what I like in tattoos? I like when you tattoo your favorite time of day on your finger.

Yeah, 609 on the finger. Dawn. Why? He's got Dawn tattooed. I know that's his life. She set up her own joke. Bonnie, Bonnie should do a podcast by herself. I saw it earlier, I was like,

when am I gonna be able to fit that in? And then he started talking about his tattoo. I said, do it now, bitch. Do it now. I was like, when am I going to be able to fit that in? And then he started talking about his tattoo. I said, do it now. Fucking Rota glasses. I wore these in honor of you. These are like me. Is that so you don't do a ring? What is that the life?

Oh, because I kept getting thin and fat and I kept to buy new rings. So I just put that on. So I didn't kiss. I get fat again. But also you can cheat with that. You can just be like, no, I just put that on so I didn't kiss. I get fat again. But also you can cheat with that. You can just be like, no, I just like that time of day. Does it? It's my daughter's name. Well, really? That's how you cheat.

Oh, I wear it. Guilty. Oh, I get it. Well, you get the cheetah. Oh, I never cheat. Well, we play.opoly. You put on nothing and it gets lost in the mix. I know. People are like, wait now, which? He can cheat if he wants to. If you wanted to. Why are you saying that? I mean, with somebody age appropriate. I think that he. That doesn't feel good when your wife tells you, when your wife says you

can cheat if you want to, that means you don't care I don't but I I don't want to I don't want to put my mouth on it anymore what did you say? I don't have. It's, I, look at how I'm dressed. Just put it together. Why don't you just come out? I know, that's what Reina keeps saying. Let's go hang out with Judy Gold. Reina says we're both transitioning. Ah!

Ah! You really did like an old woman boss. An old Jewish woman. I'm afraid of that. I don't want Dawn to fucking tell me to go fuck other people. I feel like that's coming. I didn't, I mean, I said, in a weird way, it's like, I know it's not gonna happen. If he had sex with somebody else.

If he was like, Bonnie, you're not giving me anything in the last couple years. I'm gonna go get sex somewhere, but it's gonna be strictly sex. Would you be all right with that? I have said before, don't ask, don't tell. Really? Wow! That's a policy.

Jesus Christ. I never even knew all of this. You can't even hear it. Jesus. That's fake. There is a big egg. I paid hush money for nothing. I killed that whore for nothing.

I can stop killing them. That's why he has all the rings. So he can kill them easier. Oh, I thought he takes them. He takes them for the ladies. That's how he picks his victims. All his jewelry is from whores. That's how he picks his victims. All his jewelry is from Horace. That's why he changes his bracelet so much.

Oh shit. I turn down pushy men. Do you? The thing is, is I do feel sorry for men at a certain age because you can no longer be sexual at all in public because you come off as a creepy old man. So, you know, he sometimes makes a joke or something around young women, female comedians or whatever.

And I feel like a little cringe because it's like you just can't anymore. But the thing is- What age is that that happens? I don't know, how old are you? But men, but women, and I might be wrong, but I feel like women at this 50 and up are Just done with sex. Yeah, I mean and guys what we're supposed to have it forever Like are you fucking kidding me? I still want to bang into their fucking I don't think that's true. Absolutely true

I think guys want to get head as. Absolutely true. I think guys wanna get head. As a guy and you're not. I think guys wanna like, if a woman wanted to come and sit on top and fuck them, they would be like, yeah. But I don't think they wanna do any of the fucking work. Where'd you get that watch from? We don't...

What? Are you a fucking, are you a squirrel? I know, he's... In the middle of a conversation, where'd you get the watch? Why could they get the watch? This has nothing to do with the conversation. We're grilling your wife about how she doesn't want to fuck at the moment.

This is probably his subconscious like getting her off the subject. I told her to find a boyfriend. No, you don't want to do that. No, he did a joke on stage tonight that was very funny where he goes, I was laying in bed with my wife. I said, if you're cheating on me with someone, just tell me so I can get hard. That's good. I'm glad you told me because he'd tell me three times this week. He actually said you did.

You said we were laying there naked. But why why the naked part? Why was that in the joke? Because it's so, I don't know. I said, oh, because we're laying there naked. I go, look, if you haven't, we've been married 18 years. If you haven't. But why the, you didn't have to put the naked thing in.

What did you say? I'm just curious. Something for them, one for him. Thank you. My fucking. He's trying to still let him,. I mean, we still have, we still- I wanted to give the illusion that we're- What? The illusion that we're naked together.

So you want them to think that, you want the crowd to think that you guys still lie naked together. I just throw it in. Yeah. Everything's not real. The part about getting's not real. The part about getting hard is real. Oh, just tell me a story. Who's the comic that, he worked as seller with an Indian dude,

that people, Hassan Minaj, that's your Hassan Minaj, people find out that you've never been naked together. Yes, suddenly. Why, what's his? None of it is true. Oh, that guy made up all the stuff. I love it. Yeah.

That's your downfall, all the other guys. One of the bosses is like, why? I just have to do one long Instagram post. My husband has been going around the country telling stories. Are you guys more friends now than lovers? Listen, I love him so much, and I will still do sex stuff with him, you know. You just want on the books that it's a favor.

I mean, I'd like a little cash, is that so wrong? You just have to pay in her. No, but sometimes he forces me, which is enough for me to get into it, you know what I mean? I don't force him. I don't like your way. He will what I mean? I don't force her. I don't like your way. He will rape me and then I can come, but. She's one of the funniest people ever.

Because this is the way Bonnie comes into any podcast. You guys are fucking dorks. Makes everybody feel like shit. And then she starts, and then as soon as you get into it, all of a sudden she's just singing lines out. I'm sorry. No, it's all right. I love you. No, I's all right. I love you.

No, I'll try to be more lenient. No, I love you so much. You're one of the funniest people I know. That's so weird. I can't say that. I don't mean it. I do. I accuse him of not loving me all the time,

which he gets very upset about. You guys kiss anymore? No, no, no, no, no. That maybe five years into the marriage, that ended. Really? No, I mean, we used to, you know. Look, he won't take his gum out. He's gone down on me with that fucking gum in his mouth.

You're like, come on. I had to retrieve it out of her snack. One time, yeah. Oh, you had a what? Retrieve it out of her snack. I can't stand you, dude. Her pussy was blowing bubbles. Oh, come on.

Nicotine gum, too. Once or twice. Yeah. I'm not looking forward to this part of marriage. I really am not. Why we're living our best lives right now. You're living your best lives, but I want to have sex so bad, and we don't.

And then my therapy. Oh, you don't have sex either? My therapist, he goes. He's suddenly in the support group. He goes, schedule it in. I'm like, what? He goes,, he goes. He suddenly has a support group. He goes, schedule it in. I'm like, what? He goes, make a schedule. I'm like, that's not sex.

All right, I'm going for a walk. Ahem. Excuse me. I gotta go to the store. Ahem, not one o'clock. Have you seen? One o'clock to one oh two. Put your strap on on.

Well, that's the thing that happens, though, when I do. It's the thing is, is that that's when they were happy. Oh, do I look happy there? You look like Jeremy Pivens. Whoosh. She looks like she's being attacked. I know. Like, ah, yeah. That's got to be not too old, because I know there are new tattoos. My I love the way that you can't go with the flow. Yuck. That's gotta be not too old, because those are new tattoos, Mike.

I love the way that you can't go with the flow. You really were literally just having fun, and you gotta go, those tattoos aren't real. No, no, I know, I mean, we used to kiss like that when we walked to red carpet. It's not a kiss, you're a tattoo. Yeah, no, see, I'm coming in that picture. Well, you don't realize, that's the only way I can come.

Are you married, right? No. Oh, you don't have a girlfriend? I have a girlfriend, I'm not married. I thought you said you were married. No. To what? Oh, for Colin.

I look pretty good back then. I don't see it. You look good now, you don't think you look good now? She looks great. I'm gonna get a facelift. When she does a podcast, she really looks good. I know my angles. I got the lighting right.

I don't know what the fucking angle is getting me on here. We got you at a good angle. It's down below your chin. Oh, right here. I started to think that's how everybody sees me, because that's where you stand up. It's like if you open up your camera on your phone at this angle, you try to kill yourself, you know. But then that's the angle that they all fucking see you at. angle, you try to kill yourself, you know.

But then that's the angle that they all fucking see you at. Yeah, I didn't realize that. It's the second. Yeah, no, I'm gonna do my special like this. I'm gonna have the camera up here. When I sit down, that's when you look heavy, because when you sit down, but when you stand up, you look, all right.

That's sort of a known thing. If you're filming women in standup, you gotta have higher tripods. Is that known? Yeah. I mean, just known, period. I mean, when you're filming women. Bonnie's, you gotta have higher tripods. Is that known? Yeah. I mean just known period. I mean when you're filming women. Bonnie's head almost exploded.

No 50 lenses. No. That's a known thing with women. But there's 50 stories up. 100% of women thing. Any woman you film, you have to do from the ceiling. I don't know if you've ever seen this. So you're gonna get a helicopter for your camera?

No, I'm gonna cut a hole in the theater. Why don't you just perform it at the bottom of the Grand Canyon? Yes, exactly, that would be helpful. Dude, when I'm filming sketches with women, I do, you have to put so much more effort into it, otherwise they'll be like pissed off when they see it. Right, they won't post it.

Yeah, they won't even, if they look ugly, they're not even watching like what happened. I mean, you're single, you're- No, I'm not. I mean, you have a girl, but we erode, girls must fucking hit on you all the time. You know, the garbage you do on stage. They must even the crap that you're putting out there.

You fucking fuck. I like him. He has a hard time giving compliments. We are silly. Why do you be a dickhead? I can't help it. Yes, you can. OK. I don't insult your guests like that. I'm sorry, dude.

She insulted me and we walked in. This is fucking stupid thing I've been doing for 15 years and it sucks because she's right. I'm gonna get three likes and two followers. Yeah. I want you to put your knees on my knees, stare into my eyes, and now we're gonna ask you three questions.

I don't know what the game show is. I'll tell you what the game show was. It was, is it Trudeau or is it a black guy? Oh. Oh. But he prepared this. We don't prepare. No, he.

That's why he is. We didn't prepare either. I mean. I mean, it was literally just photos of black men and then an albino black guy and then Trudeau in black face. Yeah, and it's like from, you know, five years ago that that was in the news. And it's like, they're like, oh, there's a Canadian.

What can we do? What can we do? Canadian. Trudeau, black guy. Yeah. Yeah, you're just a dirty Canadian sticking up for your dirty Canadians. That took about nine seconds to come up with that bit. I think that's good. I hate your wife. I really do. Could you never bring her around?

It's them coming to Canada and being like, this World Trade Center business, huh? Yeah. How much fun we have when she's not here. But nobody could Google Canada. Canada stinks. Oh, come on. I'll give you five seconds.

You was butteringing up earlier. Come up with a fucking game show for Canada right now. Go. I know. Sorry. She built her and Raina or her made a board game show. She invented a board game show. No, it's not a game show.

I mean, a board game, a board game that her and Raina used to play. A board game. yeah. A board game that her and Raina used to play. I would correct him. A board game, what kind of watch is that? This is a- The Omega? No, this is a Paris watch, French watch. It's called Lip. Is it nice, is it expensive?

Yeah. Is he transitioning his laugh? You fucking have a- Listen, I don't have the best staff, but- You have a staff. But together they do things. Yeah, drive you to gigs. His laugh You have a staff but together they do things yeah drive you to gigs I know you Do you know how Danny breath this is Danny so cool He just looks at his watch host Please you guys don't leave New York, please stay, please. And then he go to get home.

But I give him a ride all the time. I like having him in the car. Why? Because we got him. He cleans everything? No, no, because he's got like a mental laugh when you say something funny. It's a good quality of a producer.

This is what Rich loves in a human is just that they will laugh at anything that he says. I know he does. That's why I have both of a producer. This is what Rich loves in a human, is just that they will laugh at anything that he says. I know he does. That's why I have both of them there. Listen to Max's laugh. I can yell at Max, Max, you're a fucking idiot. Max, I fucked your mom. They wake up, they're nightmares,

waking up in the middle of the night laughing. They're like, oh God, I'm in bed. I don't have to do it. Oh God. What are you about, 32? 38. Thank you. So you go on the road.

Single. Let's get back to this question of whether or not girls are asking you out on the road. Is it different now? Because in the 80s, girls were throwing pussy at fucking comics. Girls throw pussy through DMs now. More more so on Tinder and all that shit. No, through like normal. Are they like, hey, just saw your show.

Can we come to your hotel? Is it like, I don't think it's that they don't know that. Let's stop the things they want to do to you. But they but they why? You know, it's funny. So don't they want you to come to the bar or hang out? Some shit like that, yeah, but you can read between the lines of what that really means. But a buddy of mine who is like an Instagram guy

and he's like big, he's a big like going through fucking all the girls right now. He's a comic? Comic. And he told me that Instagram just changed it. So if you send someone a DM, you can only send one and then it never, you can't send another one until they accept you as a friend.

So he goes, it's literally like cut my pussy in half, because he'll go to a town, and the girl maybe messaged him like months ago, being like, oh, I think you're funny, and now she can't send the second message. So he goes, literally it killed his whole game. Right, and he can't find her. He doesn't know who it was, yeah.

Yeah, I thought I could never find anyone. Yeah, he literally said, it cut his shit in half. See, the problem with Grindr is they always wanna, He can't find her. He doesn't know who it was. I thought I could never find anyone. He literally said, cut his shit and have. See the problem with Grindr is they always want to... They want the pic. Richard. They want the pic, yeah. I think probably in general, probably there's a lot less people in person period.

I don't know because we didn't have these sites when I was, you know. But I would imagine nobody's sending. When I was 40. But you call them sites, they're apps. These apps. When these sites. I don't think anybody's sending the real picture of how they are now, right?

I mean, you can find, got to hold up a newspaper. Less wrinkles. Oh, it's not the newspaper. It's a filter. It's like it won't matter. They can hold up that fucking newspaper. This stills what they filter their faces. I would leave him. I tried. It's not happening. There's no help.

Look, I don't have a filter. I can't, I can't. Can you put a filter on my phone? I don't wanna talk about it. Yeah, I'm gonna give him something that's huge that he has to put on his phone. And I'll be like, this is the filter. Bonnie, Bonnie, as his friends, we get Norton, you, we get Colin and Keith, we all raise enough money

to get him some type of townhouse in Vegas near a golf course. On a golf course. I let him. How well, he would love that. We let him go. No, he wants to go. Free race. We'll get him some type of thing at a club

where he works Wednesday to Saturday. Right, no, he's in. You don't have to force him. Would you let him go if he got a residency in Vegas? I packed him up already. I bet she has a bad... Would you let him go if he got a residency in Vegas? I'm... I packed him up already. LAUGHTER I bet she has a bag. Got him that shirt in every colour.

I bet she has a bag for that final fight, when she goes, it's right there. It's Louis Vuitton, your favourite colour, get out. You have his go-bag packed. Yes, I have his go-bag. She opened a club to hire me out there. Yeah. Um, no.

The thing about Rich that I think is amazing is that when he starts going down a road that everybody's like, uh oh, he doesn't know what he's talking about. He doesn't read that at all, that energy. He just keeps going like, is it a hat I put on? What is the filter? Don't fuck with her because of her voice.

I like it. I know, her voice. I like it. I know, I guess. I like it. I do, boys. Oh. Oh. How's that for Rhodes? And there's my filter.

You wonder why you have your own bedroom. You should hear her ripping them. Sometimes I do and then I go, I can't imagine my mom doing that. If she was a lady. I'll do it on people's heads. Don't do it on Raina's head. I'll be like, what's wrong with you?

And then I think, oh my God, like I could not imagine my own mother. Yesterday my kids were at the house and I went to fart on my daughter's head. I didn't realize she was holding the baby and I farted on the baby's head. Is that true? Yeah, by accident. I meant to fart on my daughter's head. I didn't realize she was holding the baby and I farted on the baby's head. Is that true? Yeah, by accident, I meant to hit Ellen

and I hit the baby. Who was it? Lateral dammit. The Voss household is this. Oh my God. It sounds like it's the Klumps household. Fucking nuts. I couldn't imagine living fucking with you two.

All my kids were over yesterday. You blow my finger. You blow my finger. You blow my finger. Ray and Desco, you guys are crazy all the time. So Jessica. Pass my beans. Jessica yelled at Ellen's husband, right? Why?

Jessica was eating and he reached around her, and Jessica goes, don't reach around when I'm eating. You know, he was, I said, whoa, whoa. So Ellen. For real? Yeah, she was, you know, whatever. So Ellen. Thank you for the clarification. What the fuck you mean?

I said, I heard you say it to a way day, hey! And said, and said, pass it. Put that back on, please. And said to him, saying pass it. He reached over her and she goes, don't reach over me. Then she was mad. So then Ellen. Was she mad?

Yes, yes. Okay, just say a word. So then Ellen stuck up for her husband, right? Sure. So I called Ellen today. He's taking cyanide nicotine. Oh, yeah. That is taking a cyanide pill. It's like a sin. It's a sin, but it's a mint. I got it. I called Ellen today.

I go as beautiful. You stuck up for your husband. Don't ever go against the family again. What are you, Michael Cole? Oh, yes. You can't talk to your kids like that. Yes. You don't go against your family. What do you mean? You'll end up. He was joking. I was joking. This whole story.

This is all. Oh, yeah. Was a godfather. The Jessica really got mad at Ellen's husband, but his he wanted to make sure that you knew that later in the day He called Ellen to say yeah better Never go against the family and then you would laugh and be like you're hilarious boss But that didn't happen that far didn't happen, but just made me have to shit See this is starting to fucking Pete around well

See? This is art. This is starting to fucking peter out. Well, listen. We have questions at the end. Oh shit. Can you stick around for the questions for Ryan? Yes, I'd love to hear Ryan's answers. It seems like questions for everyone at this point.

Every time Bonnie- Ryan, sorry if we fucked up your big- Remember the time you made Jared Freed? Jared Freed wanted to leave. This is my return actually. You remember the time Bonnie came up and she made Jared Freed? This is my return actually to be honest. You remember the time Bonnie came up and she made Jared Freed fucking leave? He didn't leave.

You bullied him into staying. Well, what are you gonna do? What happened, you came, took over? You're like, I watched The Bachelor. I don't remember what happened. I was just being a dick a little bit mildly. Bonnie comes in and instead of us, instead of her being insecure, she smashes us

and makes us insecure. I was. And then she levels out and then she, and then she's in the fucking, but that, yes, Patrice used to do the same thing as her. Patrice used to come in, yeah, you dumb fucking Canadian and make everybody go, what did I do?

And then we're like, okay. And then she goes, okay, what's up, guys? How are you? I just and then she does it. It's a mechanism she uses to make us feel like we suck for what we're doing. Just it's instruction work or for which which has a lot of truth to it, which that's the part that hurts. And then she mellows out and then she's fine, which is what happened if you watch the podcast, one of the funniest people ever.

But I want to thank you for coming up. It's good to see you. Thank you for having us. Voss. I think. Oh God, he's just getting older. You seem to be getting better visually and he's getting worse.

I look good. What? I look good. A little sweet. Yeah, you do look good. You just sucked your gut in. No, I didn't. You did, I saw it. I did not. You? I look good. A little sweet. Yeah, you do look good. You just sucked your gut in. No, I didn't. You did, I saw it.

I did not. You sucked your gut in. Now I did. All right. Ooh, that hurt. Ryan, thank you so much. That sauna's amazing. You got one too, or you got a...

Yeah. No, they do their together. Oh, the Turkish. You got a sauna? No, I wanted the... Trying to get in the game. You understand how he is? Yeah. Oh, I live with him.

Look, we're wrapping it up and he goes, that sauna is amazing. I know. I wanted to talk sauna. Go to my website. This is Ryan's, right? This is me. This is you. I have Ryan's too.

I just got a PunchUp.live, Danny. Oh, can't we hear the questions? Always bring up PunchUp. Don't bring up the... There's not... Oh my God. I got the fucking... This is Nickatee.

That's what I said. Oh, it's too much? What is it? Like Nick or what? I got the fucking this is nicotine. That's what I said. Oh, it's too much. What is it like? Nicoram? It's you know, you know, it's why you say that. It's like that, but it's a mint. Why is your as your burping? Kind of, I guess. Like Nicoram. Did you ever smoke?

No, I never really smoked. And why are you doing that? I don't know. I just got in the game. My God, I've never heard of that. I started zining. Now they're getting so many people. Yeah. Kids and stuff. Dippings. Well've never heard of that. They started zining. Oh, no, they're getting so many people. Yeah. Kids and stuff. Dippings. Well, I don't know.

Sometimes I long read his dates. No, I'm just I have to have Australia. I'm good if you've I don't know if you have. Oh, God, I have the Zin hiccups. I took the summer off, but I'm going to Australia. And then I'm doing Saratoga Springs at the end. Then I'm going on tour again. How did you get that?

Oh, you can put it in a word. Or your manager. That's more of my stuff. But Australia is going to be cool. If you guys. We should do a Canadian tour together. I'd be cool. Yeah.

You want to do. Yeah, I just did Queen Elizabeth Theater. You did. Toronto. Yeah. Nice. It's an honor. To do what?

You'll work your way up from the pot rooms one day. Oh, that's what happens. It gives you the hiccups oh there's good fucking nicotine was too strong well you keep watching comes gonna come flying out of his mouth I gotta pee I gotta pee I gotta pee you have to meditate you know how you get rid of them I meditate Bonnie meditates too I'm trying to both meditate I meditate all the I walk past a room and shit like this, I'm gonna break a wrist. I don't do it like that.

I meditate in the sauna. I sometimes I do, I close my eyes. Oh, I never thought about that. Saunas are great places to meditate, because the heat. I understand what Hanas do, yeah. You want me to read your dates, Bobby? You can see Robert Kelly, June 7th through June 8th

in Port Charlotte, Florida, then St. Louis, Missouri June 14th and June 15th. Then Baltimore at Mugube's June 21st, June 22nd. Portsmouth, New Hampshire. The Regs live show is going to be at the Gramercy Theater July 10th. That's a podcast and the Regs stand-up show is going to be August in the Cape Cod Melody tent August 15th. Okay, great. What do you guys have?

Max Marcus Comedy, all social media. The Cheese Show on YouTube. Danny? Read mine. I meant my guests, guys. Ryan already did his. Yeah, mine's just Australia, but all the main places. No, I'm talking about Voss and Bonnie. Bonnie's going to be at the port. Oh, no, I canceled it.

I canceled it. Yeah, I was supposed to go do a short film and then the lead actor got in an accident. So really, who was the lead? Mike Cannon? No, I can't remember the guy's name honestly right now. So anyway, I just took that date because I was going to be in Baltimore. So you canceled the ports. Great. You should have went. Yeah, I just wanted. Rich, actually, he gave me advice.

He said, get a whole weekend now instead of just Sunday. So it was three shows Saturday night in New York, then go down to Baltimore to do the shoot and then work that night. But I say, you're not going to do three shows and then drive or four shows at the stand, then drive. Oh, God. Whatever we're going to be. Look at that. Your hiccups are gone. When Rich bores you to tears, that's how you get rid of your hiccups.

Listening to Rich. Yes. And this weekend, I'll be at a diaphragm. Flip back over. Yes. like, please, anything. Oh, this weekend, I'll be at a comedy store in La Jolla. Then I was just there and it was sick, by the way. It's the best club. If you do bad there, quit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got the port to come. I don't know. I don't have my. OK, those two rich Voss comedy dot com. Yeah, I got the port come, I don't know. I don't have my website. Those two richvosscomedy.com? Yeah, I got the port coming up. I got. He's gonna be at Covini's in Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey, then Cahega Falls, Ohio. Like, what do people write this down

when they're listening? Like, they've understood the date thing. I'll tell you, if you're listening to a podcast and they name your city, you take notice. Here's the date. You know what I mean? You're not paying attention, then they say your city and you do kind of notice.

Here's one quick date. How do you feel about that,. Then they say your city and you do kind of notice. And then here's one quick thing. You know about that, Bonnie. OK, no, I'm glad he explained it to me because I always was like, what is the point of that? If you hear a bunch of cities, as soon as they said your city, you actually thank you. Thank you. Influencer creative Ryan. He knows something.

Don't call her old. I've had it happen. All right. Here real quick. Hurry up. It's not quick if you're Bobby and I are both in Baltimore the same weekend. Yeah What's that go to boss no See Bobby one night go see me you're gonna you guys Gonna call Barben Hyman it Barbenheimer you already did on the phone.

I didn't like it when you say I. Oh, what is that? Oh, and I said it. Yeah. Oh, what's Barber Hymer? Is that what she said? Barber Hymer. This is exactly what I'm talking about, where he doesn't know something. He doesn't just quiet.

I asked you what it was. He doesn't just quiet down and be like, I'll get this information later. No, he is. Oppenheimer and Barbie promote. Oh, Barbenheimer. All right, guys, you guys are the best fans in the world. I don't know how, I'm gonna just end this because it's never gonna end

because you'll be like, what's going on with Colin? It's gonna go on forever. What about your questions? I'm gonna get, I gotta pee. You guys are the best fans in the world. Make sure you hit like, subscribe on YouTube if you're watching it for free. If you wanna support the show,

patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. Oh shit. Stop, just let him get through it please. I'd love to leave. I'm gonna piss my pants. I can't stand you. I hate that you're my friend. That's it.

You know what, dude? Do your best. We'll see you next week. We're going to the questions right now for Ryan and Richard Bonney are gonna stay. So if you wanna see the questions, which I'm sure is gonna take forever, go to patreon.com, slash Robert Kelly.

We're going live right now. See you later.