Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Scoop Towards You

Episode Date: February 5, 2018

Guests Andrew Schulz, Justin Silver and Liza Treyger join Bobby for a hectic discussion of letting bygones be bygones! Enemies become friends, friends become enemies, Justin kicks a chair! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com Oh my god, I would just get a fucking boa and sit here all day and just do podcasting all day. Come on in guys, show 11. I suck. I overact, I have a quick temper, I am scared of everybody, and I wanna fight everything and everybody, but yet I wanna love everybody and have everybody love me. I'm a sick individual.

Welcome to the YKWD podcast. Six years running on the RiotCast Network. Thank you. L laughable.com. Over 400 something episodes laughable.com. If you guys love podcasting, you wanna go get this app right now. It is the premier podcast app. If, say Andrew Schultz will see it today

with a love of your haircut. And it's on a show with Justin. It will bring up every single show. Andrew has been on. That's brilliant. Yeah. And so you can find other people's shows. So you can, it's an app that, and they manually do this right now for you, fucks.

You can buy tickets, my show at the, the Lafactory in Chicago, which by the way, I want to thank everybody who works out there. Yeah. Wow. Aaron, Brian, I mean, the whole fucking team at Laf to thank everybody who works out there. Wow Aaron Brian I mean the whole fucking team at Lafactory Chicago was brilliant the comics were great and the fans sold it the fuck out Whoa pack the fuck up And it was great one night one show Suck my dick and I and 10 minutes, standing ovation, boom, I'm out.

That's the way you should do comedy. Fuck this six nights. Hey, you wanna come in on Wednesday and leave on fucking Tuesday? Are we talking every so quiet right now? We're still quiet. No, you can talk. This month I had three Wednesday through Sundays.

It really looked a lot. I gotta say, do them? Of course, what am I, yeah. No, but do them and hate them, because when you don't have to do them, when you can finally get, it's gonna go no, and they're gonna go, huh? There'll be a point where you get to say no,

and there's nothing, oh look, I just did the Hartford funny bone, Friday Saturday. Suck it, I used to be at Wednesday to Monday. I can't do it,. I can't do it. I just can't do it. But this last week, fucking laugh factory, incredible. I also did footprints, right, Michael? Yeah.

Footprints to recovery. Oh, real quick. Lathable, sold tickets. So if you get your own show, you do your podcast, whatever. You can go through Lathable now. Sell tickets right off the app. Wow. It's like Spotify for podcasts, basically.

It's awesome. No, it's Lathable. I know, but it's like the same. Wow. It's like Spotify for podcast basically. It's awesome. No, it's laughable. I know, but it's saying it's like the same. No, you don't do that. I'm comparing it to the best fucking music app of all time. I'm bobbing. That's like me comparing you to Andrew. You don't want that.

You're different. You're a different sexy. You're right. I'm sorry. Say I'm wrong. That's like you're just like Andrew. You guys are both sexy and have fun. No, no, no, no, no. I like it the way you said it the other time. What? Like you're not like Andrew, you're sexy. sexy and have fun. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no is that it's not like YouTube where you just stumble upon some shit. Yeah.

If I'm watching a video clip about Robert Kelly on YouTube, all of a sudden there's a bunch of other things that suggest you in it. And I think laughable suggests the exact same thing. Oh, I really like YKWD. Oh my God, Justin's on his other podcast with blah, blah, blah, blah, etc. So it creates a more conducive environment for for discovery. Well, you're right, because here's what happens. Most people who listen to podcasting, they're doing it because they have they have a they have to 40 hours, 60 hours a week job, and they need something to get them

through it. Yeah. Right now, there's people listening to us at a job, waxing a floor at from 12 to four in the morning, second job, and they get pissed if it's not uploaded on time. They do, because that job is boring. Well, tell you this, we're talking to them right now. Hi. Hi. Oh, you guys do live.

Don't be dumb. No, I'm saying that we're, wait, you do or you don't? We're live, but I'm not, that's not what I was saying. It's like when you do a self-help tape, I feel like the guy's talking to you when you are supposed to. Oh, I expect more out of you. I expect more out of you. Well, I've thought you guys are actually live. They're listening right now.

You said they're listening right now. You made that mistake, I'd let it slide. I know you would. I expect more out of you. I'll do my best. I thought I could have laughed for more than others. I don't even laugh for more than others. I listen.

I do have a podcast comment, but I'll wait. Why? Well, I just want to say, so I went into a breakup and I was so sad. So I just got really into porn. And so I started following everyone. So I started listening to my favorite porn stars on podcasts and it's a true nightmare. Yeah, so glad you brought this up, man.

There's nothing to say. I just, I want to like that. Because I'm going to have him look it up right now. I need to hear this. Give me one of the podcasts. I like Nicki Hartz right now. No, what's, I'm on here.

I don't know which part. I look up the girl I like. And then I've been listening of the podcasts. I like Nicki Hartz right now. No, what's, what's in it? I want to hear which part. I look up the girl I like and then I've been listening to the podcast. No, Hartz, like a regular, how can't believe this is how you decided to spell any of this? Well, can you not spell chain people please? I just never seen Nicki with an e-thing. Oh, it was so funny. So many of us. Anyway, so I tried listening and they're just, they have nothing to say.

It's so sad. Oh, they're vapid holes That's what you're talking But the worst is the guys that are interviewing them like to their own They don't even let the girls and their questions are bad, but I just tried to get into it and I could it We're gonna bring one of these up hang on say I gotta take this fucking apple watch off because it won't stop buzzing All right, you're popular, get over it. No, these are text messages from her around 24 minutes ago.

This fucking stupid watch. Apple, you failed. Yeah, my beats stopped working. Send us free ones. You failed, don't send us anything. I don't want nothing from you, Apple. If someone tells me what kind of headphones to buy, my beats broke, it's really sad.

I got them. I got them. I got them for you right now. You want, what do you want the year or do you want in the year over of course? Okay? San hyzer Me on the internet the best hands down headphones Fuck beats stink. They're just pink and so you fucking horse shit blows That's what they call him and fucking I know Bobby knows I just didn't like the joke. It wasn't a joke

I was saying but that's the whole thing blows they call the blows. I know this is joke But I'm saying on the forums which I know you spend a lot of time in Yo, you don't do the electronics for I don't want to talk about about people that I That I'm liking I feel no we're not gonna talk bad. I was gonna listen to it. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I You want the volume up slide your finger up one it down you and and this is the best part So when you're in airport and people start talking and you got to take them off These you just go like this touch them boom speakers on the outside Wow, I can hear you like I don't have them on how much are those like 7,000 dollars? No, I'm kidding They're only like the same as both so it's like three four hundred or more three hundred bucks something like that I know a guy might get you a deal. I wouldn't have to.

I break up. I break up. Yeah, I break them. And then the good one, $10, here's another good one. The Bluetooth. Listen, these are Bluetooth. Is that what you're paying for? The Bluetooth?

Is this on? Is this working? Bluetooth, my show. Listen, I know everybody's, there's a problem with your podcast with everybody now. Lisa, I'll direct all questions to Bobby and Bobby. We'll talk to him. No, when I used to do podcast, this is,

I noticed this. I noticed this. No, no, so that is that everybody's used to doing their own show. So when people start talking, you want to take, you want to go, so let me ask you about that. And you want to go to the problem. So no questions, we can't ask questions. No, you can do it. We answer questions. I feel like it's fine.

Can I ask Lisa a question if I'm wrong? I don't know if you heard the intro, no rules. Whoa, no topics. Sounded kind of ruling today. I just want to say I think it's podcast that's how a podcast does You motherfucker. Thank you. Okay. Let's listen to this porn star Wait, wait, wait, wait stop. That's not your call No rules I want to hear the porn. That's a new rule right now. We have a rule TV's off. I'm getting very fascist Bobby

It's getting very fascist. I tell him what that means fascist me not fashion The exact oh I It is a cluster I'm getting my niece a dog for Bobbie. I'm not talking out of turn right now. I think it's I don't know this way. You're gonna I just want Justin to tell me the hair remedy treatments. I will. We're gonna do two things.

He's got something better than Propecia. Listen, of course he does. You told me you have something better than Propecia. I didn't want to talk about it. You should not give it away the secrets. He doesn't want people to know. I'm not talking out of turn. I'm waiting.

Thank you Justin. I'm gonna make a new rule. Shut the fuck up. Okay, I'm gonna shut the fuck up. All right. That's what I'm gonna do All right, listen I'm gonna tell you everything Mickey hearts, okay, you can say whatever you want me to hashtag it. It's time times up Is it time it's time? It's time. It's up Bobby You're like fucking geno but Scott. They shut the oh

It was going so good That's right. I love you. I know no listen She goes who's that who's that a comic? I genome he stopped talking You see my posture change. I just cut the flayed it my heads and my shoulders. All right. Here we go Let's start this let's start first. Well introduce everybody I just I didn't know I this Michael a lot of pressure shot up a lot of pressure We got Andrew Schultz over here. Yeah, brilliant idiots. Yes, right in any it and also very talented actor

Oh, okay, medium you just filmed an episode of something, a movie. Oh, yeah, I was filming a movie in West Virginia and then I got to do another movie in Charleston, which was cool, Halloween. I got to do that. Halloween. They're bringing back Halloween. You're in it!

Rob Zombie? Wow. No, it's actually Danny McBride and David Gordon Green are rebooting the franchise. Now here's the thing about that, is when they do these horror movies, usually the people, you know, Matthew McConaughey was in Texas, Chainsaw, Massacre, Jamie Lee Curtis, there's always some breakout person who's a no name, and then around 10 years later, Bing, Jennifer

Aniston, she was in Leopardcon. Was she? Yeah. Leopardcon 3 maybe. Back to the hood. Leopardcon 3, I saw this. This could be something. Honestly, it was the three maybe. Yeah, back to the hood. We're gone through. I saw this. So, because you saw this.

Honestly, it was the first thing. You're fan of noob. Exactly. I could do that. I could do it. It's still a prize. You're in such a franchise. And Jamie Lee Curtis is back in it, which I think is dope.

Oh, she and they got the original guy who played Mike Myers, Nick Castles and it's so cool. Are you gonna be eating her fucking, I take a shit yogurt? What she has a probiotics? Activie. Wait, that's what, I take a shit yogurt. What she has, like, probiotics. Activie. Wait, that's what makes you take a shit? The probiot, yeah, it's the smooth, smooth yogurt. I tried smooth, I went to Israel

and I got consummated for a month after going to Israel. Consummated? Consummated. Oh, go ahead. I tried smooth move. I tried dalkalax, I did grape nuts, I did. Literally everything you could possibly do to take a shit and a month later I'm getting back to regular shitting cycle. Scary because you know

Patrice had that one time. He's shit. He this is a story. He told me one of the grossest things ever happened. Yeah. He came to New York and what happens when you get nervous or whatever happens when you travel you shut down and you shut down. He went back to Boston. He had to reach inside his butthole and pull it out. It was so hard. Oh my god. Like pinch it and grab it and pull it out. Is that what happens?

I'm thinking for doing the act out too. This part, yeah. Like pinch it like that, like a little one of those things and shes and denies. G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g I just, yeah, crane. No, it's the toilet. Wait, it's the toilet. It's the toilet. It's the toilet. Yeah, that's, I can't. I needed a visual before we moved on.

I actually, I gave you a visual. Right, but that was the way the crane goes that. You literally. Crane and Denys. I don't spend time in Denys. I don't know if you've looked at Denys. But this is not the, this is the reverse.

You know, crane, this is going up. Oh, I didn't even find a broccoli. Yeah. It's like a broccoli paste. I always do. It's like a light bulb. Really, isn't that what it is? You kind of reach up and then twist down.

That's what it would be. We were moving on live. I've never been around to dumber good looking guys than you two. Listen, at least we're good looking. You're gonna use conventionally. You unconventionally. I'm unconventionally.

You good looking classic. Yeah, you're just better looking than me. Let me, you're unconventionally. Let's do a poll on Twitter. Let's go. All right now. I know he's a good looking guy. He's a better shape. Look at the camera. No, you're a good big camera shape

Yeah, okay go where were we headphones on so you can hear that's why you yapping put your headphones on I don't like the head phone. That's a matter put them on Oh, come on, too, not with the photo though. Not with the photo. Okay, the photo without Okay, I'm looking at this camera here. Okay, listen, Gabby. Gabby this out of the way come on Gabby look at Gabby Don't listen dude. No, don't be sexy. Just I want you to win this Because he's trying not to and it makes me mad no no try to try to be sexy You got look look right there. All right take the photo. We're just too cool. All right cool do a poll I want to pull on Twitter right now. I know I pick who do you pick? I'm not telling you to the poll comes in

But who do you pick you already said you pick a big Justin? It's a story to people you said Justin. I said he's good looking you're unconventionally good looking what is unconvincing You're more successful. I am it's just not a classic look like Benedict Cumberbatch Unconvention he's hit some that yeah, but he's a weird I'm convinced he doesn't look like the dog for a major not traditional Ah, you've seen Justin look at my dad Yeah, you listen to me you're barely you're not listening I can hear you know, I can hear you I just want to say that you I can hear you no one here you I just want to say I can hear you really well

You're good yapping this is I hear you worse shut up. I hear you worse. All right. You're gonna hear me Please don't turn us when say this handsome well behaved This very well, but who was more handsome? If you don't want to hate that you were just you were shut it down. I'm shutting it down What do my yet sounds like another rule? That's all I'm trying to say I Have any rules and now there's lots of rules. Yeah, but in the no rules, you can make a rule. The rules you can make a rule.

Okay, the part of the no rules is you can make a rule. I'm gonna say something right now. Sell our picture. Sell our picture Bobby Kelly. Now, I'm the one downstairs that jawline, that handsome, confident look. I said Andrew, the fucking head. Not you'll be.

He's getting fucked. Yeah, he's getting fucked. Yeah, he's getting fucked. No, I'm not. It's time to move on. Yeah. Cause you're bugging me. Yeah.

You're acting like fucking nine-year-olds, alright? Now let's go. I am. Shut up. You're right. Yeah, because you keep going me. Like throwing him out of the bus. Don't be a pussy.

Alright, next day, Andrew, we have Justin Silver. Oh, we haven't even started. No, we haven't shut the fuck up. Yeah, you keep talking. I think I have to win it. The theme song was playing the whole time. Did you know the headphones were loud? Can we try that?

Let's go. And next, we have Lisa Trigger. Hello. Thank you. Yeah. I really like the video of you and your son and your farting. Our new year's. That's so nice.

That's a great video. Oh, bring that up. Let's try that. I watched it a few times. Well, now we watch it. Yeah. It was a big hit on it. I like seeing you as a dad. I don't really hit on it. I like seeing you as a dad.

I don't really see that often. I like seeing me as a dad. I love being a dad. I fucking love being a dad. It's so funny too because somebody who was it, I forget what it was. Somebody came on who I really like and said kids suck or something like that. All right. No.

Because he's like always that. He's been good around my kid. He's cool. He's cool He's not a dick. I can tell people have a kid that said that. No, and I understand it. I get it But other people's kids suck my best Best friends just out of baby this week. It was a week and two days overdue But that's three days old and it's so cute. I fucking love my kid. He's he's he's crazy I love that he's a little fucking nuts, but he's also got a big heart like he I liked it a little

He's a little out there. He does some crazy shit, you know what I mean? Yeah, but you don't want a boring kid. I do not I these kids that sit there like this We're at a birthday party and there was just kids sitting at the table And then they would just eat their cake and then get up my kids running around He went over and hug the birthday kid and he's like happy birthday My kids running around he went over and hug the birthday kid and he's a happy birthday Get him a big hug and you know, I love that shit. I love that. He's a sweet kid. He's a good kid. Yeah, he's a good kid Look at him. Oh, it's a good head of hair. I had a hair First thought first thought. That's my guy. Yeah, talk right over you fucking the ember

Jesus Christ You two no way He's out of his mind. I knew you to this what I knew about you to it It's the first thing you're gonna say is his hair Yeah, and he has a great compromise great Because it's straight but got a little little little way to a little wave That's a gorgeous blonde. It was like a light around oh Rare color traditional beauty is like Robert Redford if Rob Got Robert Redford is

I'm looking how would you tell somebody to look at you? I just want what I'm literally doing. I wanted you to hold the look while I said it That's just fucking needed more. It needed more. I don't like your power move. Look at me. That's my I don't do that. You said look at me. I'm looking I'm doing this. I'm giving you love I'm telling you some sharing something with you Bob. That's called intimacy Connellan I just came from You both threw a hundred dollars out the window

What I just came from my therapist. Oh, you're going to that too? I think the last thing I said to him, I think the thing I said to him was like, no, it's good day today. I'm having a great day. I'm kidding, by the way. I love you guys. I love you. And I think your kid is fantastic. And a horrible kid, very handsome kid.

I just started therapy this month. And yeah, I wish I went sooner. Pretty helpful. Do you with to the comedian guy? I go to like a witchy woman. Hot. Yeah. Nice. Like who do you? Such a weird. You're such a weird. And I mean this in a compliment. You're such you, you, you, you, you, you have nothing to do with this comedy community. Like you do things. You're, you're, you're, you're one of us, but you do shit. You just go off on tangents. Yeah, I haven't seen your own therapist.

She has a life is what you're saying. No, but it's like not a therapist. She's witchy. It's like, I mean, as it's fucking crazy, like you see a witch what? She's not a witch, but she, you know, I like, there's a bad in a box. And you have to hit like, I just, what?

Wait, wait, what? She's like a spiritual crystal type of lady. I'll go back, go back, this will be. Like an L.A. Chipa. Yeah, there's like but she's a millionaire. She's so good, but there's a bed. There's like a box like a Cute you have to get in it right no, but I have to like beat it sometimes with a bat and say things or push it Oh, maybe so happy if she was into like submission stuff and there was just some old guy

Rapped up in there and that was his thing. He paid him like a thousand dollars a day. Like a Gimp. Yeah. Beat on the box. I need you to beat the box. Wait, is she a millionaire from the therapy? She does it from other reasons. Yeah.

From therapy. Yeah. Wow. I got recommended from a friend. She doesn't see new people, but I was lucky enough to get in. Oh, that's her hustle. We got to get in.

That's like Bernie made off. She's so helpful. How'd you get in? Wait a minute. What do you mean? She isn't taking new people. How did you get in? I want to ask you a question. A little rapper friend. You just said something very interesting.

It's like Bernie Maidoff, right? That was so cool. You're saying that thing of people can't get in as a hustle. No, I'm going in at like 8 a.m. tomorrow. No, I understand what I said. And look, she could totally be legit. All I'm saying is once somebody, it's like when you're buying sneakers

and you know, can I have this in a 12 and the guy goes, and think we're out of 12, but I'll check you already bought the Oh, bait and switch exactly you already bought I'm already buying this girl makes your hair growth thicker if you see her That's what you say I'm anytime so to beat the box. Well my girl wallet. She doesn't want me to tell anyone cuz she's like I don't want people to start going Darry we want to keep it. Yeah, but you think that's part of the hustle I people to start going down. We wanna keep it. Yeah, mine. But do you think that's part of the hustle? No, mine. My headphones went out. No, mine are growing.

I know working. Talk to me about it. But she's very talented. She's like, don't sit, listen, I don't want you to tell anybody. Is she a gypsy? No, no. She's a gypsy.

No, my rapper friend was like, don't be, because she knows I talk too much. So she's like, don't be telling all your friends about her. But she just made some connections. God forbid other people get healed. Dude, we're on a podcast now. We all, everyone knows about it. Yeah, but she just made some connections. God forbid other people get healed. Dude, we're on a podcast now. We all, everyone knows about it. Yeah, but she, I don't know, she's just so good.

I don't know, I've been, she's taught me a lot. It's like Molly, she's Molly and a human. There's a show, there's a new show that I just watched. I'm going to go watch. There's a new show that I just watched about, oh, it's about gypsies and about. My big fat fabulous wedding, that one. No, it's a, it's about gypsies and about my big fat fabulous wedding that no it's actually that's Greeks no that's not the gypsy cell no no I know I'm

moving it's talking about nothing now it's on Netflix I think it is on on are you talking about Peaky Blinders no that's an old movie that's a movie about the you talking right England you know watch the gypsy wedding shows. It's insane. These gypsy communities in America are nuts. Yeah. And they're close. They're here. They're like an upstate in New York. Cool. They're like 14 year old girls and they're encouraged to be such slits on the dance floor. But shut eye. Go to shut eye. Shut eye. This guy, this right here, this show, I'm glad he's still working. Well, he's great. I love him. He was in the couple shows that I love

But you're a USA. I was a US guy. I am they they've changed a little bit because I like that little easy to watch shit Like that hair. It's but it's receding a little bit good head of hair This guy you think about that's it. All right, let's just shave my head. All right guys. Can you settle an hour down? Why are you saying guys look? I haven't said a word I'm Pocking him. He's excited. No, that's not guy. He looked at me and gave me a look at me. This is gonna be the first 45 minute YKW I've ever done. Wait, you think it's gonna go shorter? No, I'm gonna end it, because you're bugging me.

I knew this was gonna happen. Why are you upset? Because great content. It's not great content. You keep talking over people. You're trying to forward the fucking show. Okay. And you keep commenting on people's hair

because you're a fucking moron. Yes, I agree. All right, that's why. This guy, what's his name? Donovan. Draftford Donovan. Thank you, Michael, for breaking the tension. I've never seen Bob himself.

Do you ever get like that with your son? Really? Yes he has, don't fucking kid yourself, at him. Listen, I love you too. I love you. I love everybody in this room shut the fuck out I don't need to be grouped in I gave you an individual. I gave you an individual. I get to stand him This is this is mad Nick one of my least favorites Listen, not for everyone. There's three people that like you in this room. You're two of them. Oh Gotta love yourself gypsies. Oh fuck it. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Well, I want to know. No, I won't tell you

They're nuts. What I have to read this now. You said you wanted to I've never been looking forward to fucking reading on the show. I want to know about the gypsies. Shut up. I Love that you are. I love that you are throwing him out of the bus. Bob, I'm being good, boy. That's what I'm here for. I just, I thought Justin, I were on the same team. This is my character. This is what I do. I don't like that you're throwing him out of the bus. Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that.

We're on the same team. We're on the same team. We're on the same team. We're on the same team. Jesus. All right. We'll see you Wednesday. All right. All right, this, this, you ever see this movie? Over the edge. Over the edge. Matt Dillon, who is one of my favorite actors? How old is he even? Even though he's not a great actor,

he's one of my favorite actors of all time, okay? Um, he's just the first cool, sex symbol. Bulk, yeah. Oh, fucking darn it. He's the one, I'm gonna use to put the mob rows and they curl them up in the this the t-shirt I man crush over my thumb at the long time damn. I still do back then do this movie is one of my favorite movies of all time He has a brother or no he has a brother. He was on the Kevin

What's the show? Anyways in platoon fucking psycho in platoon question. Yeah, do we have any more heart drops like that in entertainment? Of course. You mean like baby faces? Like who's that? Who's the badass? No, like me or you or something, right?

But how long is he? Cause I think Tom Hardy is like a bad boy. Oh yeah. No, Tom Hardy's not that, Tom Hardy plays villains. Yeah, Tom Hardy's not that. And he's in Peaky Blinders. That is true.

That is true. He's on my top five for sure. Deepdiscount.com, offering savings. Listen, I go to DeepDiscount. I got this right here. If you want to go to a movie to DeepDiscount, you want to get a movie, what am I going to get?

Go get over the edge. One of my favorite movies all time. It's got teen angst, but it's the whole town. They take over the town. They rebel against the parents. People get beat up, drinkin' sex. Oh yeah oh yeah Matt Dylan and that girl what what's her name panel a little way no boobs though I don't I love little tiny boobies but but I'm saying no

boobs in the movie no nipple I'm not seeing any it's a pg I don't remember I did pg didn't know boobies she's 15 just them yeah I'm I mean I don't want to have sex with her now playing 15 to develop a little. That's good point. Thank you. Thank you. Everything creepier. That's true. That's true. That makes everything better. Deepdiscount.com offering extra savings to all my fans of this show right now. All month. Just enter YKWD 15 at checkout and you'll get 15% off your order of TV shows movies at music and more. Support my sponsors, click deep discount logo on my homepage at riotcast.com, Sashrober Kelly.

If it's not there, just go to deepdiscount.com and use code YKWD15 when you check out this way they know I sent you YKWD15. Use that code. The wanderers is another movie that I fucking love. I don't know if you guys remember that fuck yeah I mean the warriors was a great movie, but the wanders was a little hulkier, but fucking awesome great More than the warriors the warriors was pretty Warriors was dope dude. Yeah, this is more of like a grease meets the warriors. I like that better Warriors was was you can get it right now at deepdiscount.com for less than 15 bucks. So listen, here's the deal. There's a lot of choices. All right,

there's a bunch of stuff up there. Criminal mind, family guy, classics, including Beverly Hills, Beverly Hills, Gunsmoke, even twilight zones up at deepdiscount.com. Go to deepdiscount right here. Click on the logo on my homepage at ridecast.com slash Robert Kelly. Be sure to enter code YKWD15 at checkout for extra savings on all your music, video purchases and find new releases to... ¡Woo! Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca.

Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida, Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujeta a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. ¿Qué pensé, Fran? ¿No? No, no. ¿Es un cuchillo? ¿Es un cuchillo? ¿Qué es eso? I think Zach Efron is a Matt Dillon time. No, he's too into his fuck, he's too into his own like,

by the way. Is this a back? What is this? I thought of Efron. He's not, he's not, he's not, he's not a rowick. The deep discount. Like, who fee or like, who's you? The deep discount.

Yeah. The deep discount. What, dude? Would you, George Clooney, can I ask you one question? Can I ask you one question? Can I just finish the ad? Just have one question. It's related to the ad.

It's the long. Is what happens in over the ad? Is the ad's a long? I feel bad for all these janitors listening. Well, I feel bad. Why would you just play the movie? The dumb dumb thing. I'm like MDVD.

Would you just play the movie for them? Are we over the edging right now? Is that what's happening? Is this a rebellion that's happening around the game? Are we over the edging dub? Because that would make me the teacher. Yeah. And I would lock you guys in the school. I would lock me in the school.

Okay, fair enough. And then light the school on fire. Not to kill the ending. Oh, sponsors. Deepdiscount.com. Be good to yourself. Buy your favorite. Support my sponsors.

Watch it when you want to check it out now. Thank you deep disc out Bobby what's up fucking fucking shit email some passive aggressive fan who's really a hater tried to act This is what I love when they fucking get creative tried to act like a fan and sent me a fucking shit email Complimenting me but then zinging me and then complimenting I'm. I'm a premium member, but I just want to say, fucking take your money back, you piece of shit. Yeah, we don't need you. You know, what did he say?

Fuck him. There you go. There's a burping you. He said, you're burping. Fuck off. Go fuck yourself. He didn't like your burping. What did he, I want to hear the guy?

He was, he was, no, this is what happens is that these people out there, they, they find new ways, they, because they can get to you They say an email and I got this email and I read it. It was such a passive aggressive Fuck it. I respect the guy goes dude. I hate you. More than some I do give him credit though because it was a very well craft Tell us the email. Can you tell us? I don't know. I deleted it. What was the gist of it? I'm a big fan and I just wanted to send it to you this personally because I didn't want to be one of the haters online I'm a big fan and I just wanted to send this to you personally because I didn't want to be one of the haters online

But you but you know, I just want to say you're burping and blah blah blah and you know I know it's because you eat way too much By the way, that was really good acting. I don't think you overact at all that fucking awesome It's it's it's like dude come on Yeah, you know, I mean and then he would go back into, I'm a premium member and I enjoy the show for a long time. I'm a big fan, but you know, the way you're eating, you know, like just throwing the fat jokes in every couple of seconds. Fucking, I hope your family gets my name. Well, they joke certain serds.

They were both. Do you get, do you get like triggered by that? Like a fat joke? No. Fat jokes, it depends. I did, you know, some, I don't mind it at all. I get it. Here's what bugs me is when they say jokes,

they say things online that have been said. A thousand times. And it's like, somebody said, oh, you look like I had my glasses on and some guy wrote in the comments. You look like Danny DeVito and he said it with such ins. Like, you know, he probably showed his wife.ito and he said it with such in like you know, he probably showed his wife.

Like he felt really good about it. And then the four comments down, somebody wrote the same, you look like the guy dude. And it's like, do you guys even like follow the thread of being a content? Yeah, shut up DeVito. Yeah, you know what I mean? It's like, I don't get it.

And I, okay, I black glasses glasses, Chubby Dude, you know, all right, whatever. I don't think you'll recognize me. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. So it doesn't bother you, the unoriginality bother you. The unoriginality, some, the, I've been-

No, I get annoyed. People go on my Instagrams, they just write mean shit about me and I always just end up blocking our mutants because I'm like, Why I put up with it, yeah. I'm putting up photos that are, I make me happy in life. I'm like, you, I don't know, I'm like, why I'm putting up with it, yeah. I'm putting up photos that are, I make me happy in life.

I'm like, I don't know, it's just so weird. I get such mean shit written. Well, here's the problem with that, is you have so many good people, but I also have my family. And you have like people that are normal, and they see that shit. Look, I created, I help create this fan base.

I can't fucking hate them. Yeah, right. I can't hate what you, you can't hate your little babies, your little child, your children. I'm sure, no, they find me, I'm not really well known. So I'm like, how did you find me? Laughable, laughable.

How did you get sad? Get it. And just find like old photos, it's just so creepy. I don't get, I don't get, but Danji question, I don't get triggered. But if it's funny, I, I, I laugh. You value humor more than your incentive to do it. I did a fucking ask me anything on Reddit. Yeah some of them was so funny and mean Yeah, then the guy doing it was a

Like lap like he felt bad that he was laughing right? Oh, they just if you're funny and original. I can't fuck with that But if you just be in the dick head I I can't say when fans haze you because they think they're like a comic so like, oh, let me just start with the insults because that's what we do with fans. That shit makes me nuts. I always say you have to put a smiley face or I love your Bob. Yeah. Or it has to be funny.

If you're not funny, I'll just fucking do shit. Right. This is what bothers me though. I'll do shit guy and then he gets mad at me. And it's like, dude, you're, we're both men. You through hate at me. I shouldn't, there's no rule that says that I have to, as a man, I have dude, you're, well, we're both men. Yeah. You through a hit at me. I shouldn't, there's no rule that says that I have to, as a man, I have to, you're a pussy.

No, I just don't wanna see you shit. Yeah, sure. So you have to take it. Yeah. As a man, put it, if you put it out there, when you get the consequence of your thing, you shouldn't be like, cry about it. It's like a weird,

It's like, hecklers, when they think they're the victim for them getting in trouble. Or something like that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You started.. Like what? I was just fucking being a part of this. I was trying to help you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Then shut the fuck up. I had a guy at the sober place. I was at footprints. Footprints. It was all sober people. One, there was this guy. Big tall guy dressed big beard, white dude beard dressed in all red, red band. He looked like a fucking blood at this thing. And I got three of the white girls over here,

the managers, I got all the kids, and then there's just some old Jewish guy over here. It's a weird mix of people. And I'm like, oh my God, I got, you know, I'm like, these three, you know, the three blondes. That's for you, UK, suck it, fucking unsubscribe. Um, um, got three blondes. And then this guy on the red and I said something to him and he just touched yelling

and she back at me. And then I said something about being something chubby and he goes, yeah, I got stretch marks around my mouth. What do you do? Or he said he said that about himself. Look, I'm so fucking dead. And I went, I went, dude, you know, you can use money for heroin, right? You do or he said he said that about himself. Look how fucking dead he is. And I went, dude, you know you can use money for heroin, right?

And that, I think that got, because he started yelling shit. I'm like, so it's like, dude, I'm gonna rehab. You know what I mean? I'm here for the kids. You work here. Shut the fuck up. Oh, he wasn't even rehabbing. No, he was one of the workers.

And he got, he was just like, I should know. And then the guy went over and said, hey, shut the fuck up. He was one of the workers and he thought he was just like I Know and then the guy went over to say shut the fuck it was no dude. We're doing a thing He goes you know he's not doing the thing with you the guy Aaron who's awesome He goes he's not doing the thing with you. He's fucking deal with you Which he shouldn't be because you fucking work here shut up. Yeah, and then he went up leaving You know, I mean I didn't want to get in trouble But it's like you think stand up is the most popular thing that people don't know the rules too? Yes.

Yeah, because it's just- It's shocking how well-known it is. It's popular. You don't think people are like aware of it. They've seen it on, maybe they haven't gone to a show, but they've seen it on TV. They're aware of this thing that is stand up. Yet they're still unaware of the interaction rules.

They run up, dude. I just talked to so many people after shows, and say that it's their first stand-up show, and I can't even believe it. Yeah, yeah. It is a weird thing. Dude, the lack of disrespect with just the fucking texting and the audience

is like, how are you, like, that's insane. Can I say something though? Yeah. Can you bring up, do you have a Facebook account? Me? Can you bring up somebody's Facebook? Okay, who's it? Oh, can I, I gotta say something.

I'm gonna say something about, oh fuck, oh five of a heart. Are you farting? I'm fucking dying. No, I thought my head of pain a much. Jesus, come on. Come on. One second, can you wait like an hour and a half

until that happens? You know what's, this might be a 45 minute podcast. How funny would it be is, I blame, I blame you. You would blame me. I'd say you're just a fucking idiot. Have I been here since I saved someone's life with the Heimlich?

What? Whoa. Yeah, my best friend came over as comic Megan Galey and she put a curly friner mouth and she chokes and I do a joke about it now but I couldn't believe it nothing came out was like what they tell you like you'll you know there's no coughing nothing and I had to jump and give her the hind licked did you have a stew of the charmer behind her so high behind her did you have the chart like we would a restaurant no it was a house we like ordered food and we were just smoking weed and we did done Molly the night before

So we were like pretty fun. Yeah, but it was there. I was gonna have a fucking field Great I did Molly then I fucking save someone's life didn't come out though was it a chunk? I mean why didn't see it fly out? It was a curly fry. Did you have to go get it? No? She said it dislodged and that's when she could read more. So it's somewhere under a couch or somewhere? It dislodged and then she chewed it, maybe? No, I don't, I don't, where is it? I think she was full of shit. She just wanted you to get behind her and give her a look.

I don't remember, but you know in the movies, it like flies, you can see it fly. So because of the working, I called 911 and I grabbed her outside just in case someone outside could do it better than me and she finally was able to breathe. Wow. But it was...

Had you watched somebody die. For the funniest thing is she asked me where I learned to do it and I was like honestly just the movies. Like, just movies in TV. I sure learned a lot. I learned a lot. I really... I really learned a bow hunt.

Small animals like squirrels. You bow hunt? No. Okay. I would have believed it. You're in the gadgets. No rules. But yeah, I don't know when I was not a gadget Oh wait, but I do a joke by the

My iron maiden, but the best part was her after you know the choking she didn't know whether she could eat again or not So it's this weird mouth she's like again or not. So it was this weird moment. She didn't trust her. She was like traumatized. And then it was all this food. And she's just like, she couldn't figure out when she could eat. You can eat. Don't fucking eat so fast.

Just chew. Yeah, chew. Megan's fun to eat with too. I'm surprised with all the eating I've done as fast as I eat. I haven't had. I haven't choked. It was the scariest thing. It's because you're good at eating.

You get practiced. Really hasn't been practiced. I was a fine and good one.. Why surprised that was a good one. No, I'm laughing you fucking it's a Felix I said that was a good one you insecure to what can I be insecure? I actually kind of like that come back Wait, did you eat anything good in Chicago? Do you make any specific trips? This is what a fat fuck I am. You ready?

Oh boy. First of all, I want to, I'm so proud of myself because I went on stage in front of a full house. Yeah. Just all fans and I went, you pizza stinks. I'm fucking proud of myself. Just trust me. I said it and they went boo and I went,

it stinks, it's not pizza. Art of pizza is very good. Chicago style pizza. That's true. No, that's not pizza. Art of pizza is very good. Chicago style pizza. That's trash. That's not pizza. It's trash. It's garbage. It's trash.

Why can't it just be different? Well, don't call it pizza. Call me there. It's a different thing, something else. It's gonna also be trash. To different things. I know. Maybe I agree with her.

What's your name again? Andrew. Andrew. I agree with Andrew. It might. It might take a turn. If it's attacking attacking me. That's what has come down from Okay, I'll just be quiet for a little bit. I love you. I'm sorry. What is that heart attack? Listen I hope I have one no no you can't have a fucking honor

Drink some water. I just don't think I'm here Chicago people are trying to get deep dish to compete with regular style But you say that you call pizza. It's not pizza. It's not a pizza. You got to grab a, you got to be able to walk. It's not a pizza. But you can put the sauce on top. This grandma sliced from Venice. I'm okay with the best sauce on top. Okay, but slice in this city.

Hang on, I like getting it without sauce. Sometimes you get there where the sauce isn't on it yet. Okay, one second. Go ahead. You put the sauce on top, but there's still little nuggets of cheese. These fucking psychopaths cover the top with sauce So the cheese doesn't get burnt and then it's underneath the cheese It's still white and chewy Not crispy

And the dough is fucking wet Can I say anything about this? It's like It's like FUXUKAGA sauce No, I like Chicago No, I love Chicago Chicago is a great city, right The purple. The purple pig. My favorite. Have you been? Have you been?

No, purple pig is the ball in the room. We should. It Chicago is a good city. I always try to get gigs. Let's take me. And you know, where I went. Where? I was a fat fuck. I am. I took them. Did you go to the Vienna beef factory? I was with Fat Fuck I Am. I took him. Did you go to the Vienna Beef Factory? I went to, I found Hawaiian food. Okay. Oh, like steak on pineapple on it. Like, boy, like that.

Right now. No, like, pick. It's a pork. It's a one second pork. I don't know, that's a Caribbean. That's Caribbean. Was it a whole other one? Let the Fat Guys talk about it.

Telling me that Hawaiian food isn't pork. What's a luau? That's a Hawaiian thing. But Hawaiian food is not pork. Oh, you want Hawaiian food is a fucking mocha loco cause chubby dude nodes, two hamburgers over white rice with gravy in a Friday. Can I ask you a question?

Just a question. I hate that. Do you really think that there were cows in Hawaii? Well, why would they do that? You think that white people didn't bring cows to Hawaii? Who's the guy who discovered Hawaii? Vasco de Gama. No, Captain Cook.

First of all, that's made up. That's not true. Captain Cook is Peter Pan's nemesis. Bring it up. No, that's Captain Cook. Bring it up. Andrew. Bebe money right now.

Who discovered Hawaii? Some moans discovered it. Yeah, they were there first. They were there already. I'm talking us discovering it dumb, dumb. Oh, so who who did it? Look at it. Look at that. That's what you're asking to look. Couldn't discover Captain James Cook. Okay, discovered Hawaiian Islands and they killed them. European. Why they killed them because they're what happens? Well, he went on he went on the he went and he had nails and shit and they were like what?

So he traded like women and all the shit for nails nails or nail and then and then he kind of got a little carried away with Themselves and a couple those motherfuckers swam out to a ship one night and murdered them all. Yeah He's a wine. You know fuck with a man. Oh, they're good. They're good The wardish like top chef whenever the finale is earned Hawaii spam is always something to have to use classic Moko local right now classic. That's really how I finally went I finally went to Tom Calicchio's restaurant here, Kraft. I've never been. Did you like? I loved it.

Yeah. What? You don't think that's healthy? Dude, it's on my dial list. That's what I had too. You have the spam, spam. It's not sushi. It's basically a spam version of sushi.

That's fucking great. It's not gross. It's actually really good. I don't like spam. Spams we got. Hawaii to World War II. Truth. Yeah. I'm a Jew and a vegan got Hawaii through World War II. Truth. Yeah.

I'm a Jew and a vegan. What? On to that. Truth. What? It's true. It's got Hawaii through World War II. So it's tough time.

I can't stand. They had spam luckily. They have an affinity for spam out there. I can't stand. My best friend's Hawaiian is top top. Your best friend's Hawaiian is a friend's Hawaiian. He is born and raised. His name is Bobby Webster.

That's his name? Where is he? He's half, he's half howly. So his mom is Hawaiian, his dad is Bobby Webster. That's his name? Where is he? He's half howley. So his mom is Hawaiian, his dad is a white guy. I've never hated somebody. Born a race in life. And why? Went to Ilani High School.

Really? Ilani High School. Bring up Ilani High School. There you go. Come on. I know all about this shit. Are they good like? You know what a moko loko is?

First of all, moko loko is some made up drink with fucking coconut. Moko loko show. How many? I do love a nice teaky bar You're the best to side. They're so great. I love that. There it is right there. We've been looking at it for like Bobby Hawaiian's good athletes like Samoans Oh, it's like I like good athletes. Some like Samoans.

I do like a nice teaky bar. Samoans are good like in a NFL. Are Hawaiians, what do they know? They're sport wise. They're big people. They're big people. They embrace their bigness. They like a big woman too.

They're really into a big woman. And they strong, war your culture. Very young. Hold up. Before you go about, I like how you just described the gender rapture's general manager as your best friend. He is my best friend, really. Yeah, that is awesome.

We went to college again. That's so cool. That's so funny that he doesn't believe that you know famous people. He's kind of... I thought that I didn't believe it. It was more that I thought you just knew him and you just plan along with him. No, no, no. He's a stud guy, superstar.

Can I see a photo of him? Yeah, yeah. Instead of a video, I don't want to hear him. I just want to see him. You hang on. You only hang out with good-looking guys. You know, that's true, just say it. I wouldn't say that that's in time.

You don't like ugly guys. I do like ugly guys. No, you know, I've never seen you hanging out with me. I don't judge guys by their attractiveness. They should do. I'm really dumb. Hey, it did. I like you.

Wow, it got weird, huh? He had both sides of me. I just imagine that seller. You're right, you're right that little. He's a lion? Wow. What letter? And that guy. That's like, you've never experienced this.

This is the most wild thing about this. Oh my guy, a white person in a lion fuck to make him. Yeah, so that's not two Hawaiians. Right. No. And his mom is like Japanese, but been there a while. Yeah, so that's not to Hawaiians. Right. No. And his mom is like Japanese, but been there a while. Yeah, I'll tell you something about this guy that is unbelievable. You've never said anything like, oh, great hair.

But you've never experienced anything like this in your entire life. Yes. The way Asian women are attracted to him is mind. Can I tell you why? Can I tell you what? Stop. I want to say why. I have a theory on this.

I have a theory. I have the same theory, Bobby. I was out front and I don't want to sound racist, but I was out front and there was a lot of sentences that follow that. Well, because there was three guys, three Asian guys. And we were talking, I figured it was there, a couple of the comics we were talking about,

they were bitching because Asian women, nobody wants to fuck them. No. White women want to fuck black dudes, white dudes. Sure. Black women want to fuck black dudes, white dudes. Sure. Black women want to fuck black dudes, white dudes. Asian women want black dudes. Asian women want black dudes.

Or Jews. Or white dudes. Or white dudes, right? But nobody wants to fuck an Asian guy. Yeah. Nobody. And they get fuck, that's why they have to say you are marrying this motherfucker.

Right. Right. Because the Asian women will just fuck out the dude that they want anything to do with him. And to have that guy looks like a White dude, but an Asian dude. Yeah, he gets the girl the Asian girls. It's both worlds. It's like I got one It's it's I feel comfortable. They look like the Asian cartoons like the animation. I feel comfortable enough to approach you Because I see my creation. Yeah, but but you've got something else going on

Yeah, which I want my hitting a Latin woman with good credit. It's like yeah, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm like a handful and that's it. I'm reading crazy rich Asians right now getting ready who has a hot red head Name up hot red head who make and galey my friend who does comedy. She's a very hot red head hot Hot red heads are tough and what and Margaret isn't she and Margaret's the hottest of all fucking times I always say this. She's my all time. She's my number one of all times. I'd fuck her now. She's 93

I always say this, she's my all time, she's my number one of all times. I'd fuck her now, she's 93. Click that picture right there. They were gonna click. Let me see that. That's her sorority days. I would prefer not to judge her out. She's not Gabby.

Yeah, who's Gabby? Right there next to you. Oh, you're good. Are you considered, you considered yourself a redhead? No, I'm not. Yeah, she's a toehead all the way. I'm a toehead. I don't know, Julian Moore.

I think Julian Moore is beautiful. Look, she's pretty girl, but she's not. Mad Jessica Rabbo. Mad Man. Oh, Christina. I'm a god, thank you. I'm a god, thank you. She's pretty, but she's not, she's not smoking.

She's not an 11. Oh, I think. She's not, but she's pretty. She's really pretty, but she's not. Can I put you in a spot? What do you say, though? Give me the number. No, do not.

On off that picture. Who's that? Yeah, that's the, Can I put you in a spot? What is she though? Give me the number. No, do not. On that picture. Who's that? Yeah, that's the, no, does not the for me. Those are real boobs now. No, no, no, because you, they show it, you're only showing me her good parts. Yeah. Show me, they show me her on the toilet.

If you took the, I had to go some picture from the toilet. Really? It's stunningly beautiful picture. Can you go to the, there's a thing with Asian women, no makeup, and then with makeup. Wait, this scared the shit out of me. This, it's on Facebook.

Have you ever done stand up in Asia? Huh? Have you ever done stand up in Asia? Yes. Dude, so you saw it. But it was on basis. Ah, that's the road. I had a TV show in it.

You know, I had that. We all know, yeah. In Hong Kong. In Hong Kong and they would say, Wait, we'll watch this. Alright, never mind what I had to say. I just want you to watch this. Yeah, but that's all good. What happened to your eyebrows listen look it look at scroll okay first go up for the set because the one on the left

Looks like Michael Che look look look look look keep scrolling keep scrolling this look at this women go back to this tender and fucking no This is women with no makeup and then with makeup. Yeah, it's shocking know makeup and then with makeup. It's shocking. Wow. It's frightening. And so, Wow. Yeah, but of course,

what you guys shot that, I think what the argument is. No, no, no, no, Wait, it's more severe. It's that they look like fake, like a fake, that's clearly see bigger eyes bigger on the computer.

It's great, it's great, it's great, it's great, it's great, there's one that's fucking blew me away. Keep going. The one with the mustache was in the one the blue you look at that one that Yeah, it's it's fighting Wow, yeah, wow

I feel like this is all women though. No, it's not it's more severe when I was in when I was in Singapore, Malaysia I noticed I noticed I was like where the hot chicks It was best food. I've ever had ugliest women I've ever seen in my entire life And I think that's the reason why the lady boys kill it out there. They kill it. They put effort in. The girls that don't do a lot of makeup, they don't do a lot of like nothing. They're busy.

They're busy, they're working, they're making it happen, which is fine. But there's a star, but you see these lady boys and you're like, okay, I get, I see why. Don't forget that killing it because it got that fucking piece too. That fucking six inch of hanging between the legs. A little bit extra, I don't know for a bonus footage. I want to go to Singapore because I'm reading the crazy rich Asian book and it sounds like. What is that?

It's a book. They're making Ronnie Chang. He's going to be in this movie, but it's just like this American Asian girl starts dating this Asian dude. And he doesn't tell her that he's from one of the richest families ever. So then they go on this big family trip and they're billionaires. And I'm pretty early in the book

But yeah, wait is this is fiction It's fiction, but there's always little stars at the bottom of the page explaining words And stuff I think it's like farm. I don't know. I'm learning a lot historical fiction historical. No, it's yeah But it's nowadays. I don't know meeting the historic meaning like finish it and let me know Yeah, I love you said piggy blinders but it's nowadays. I don't know. Meeting like finishing let me know. Yeah. I love you said piggy blinders. What about piggy blinders? It was an hour ago.

Great fucking show. But it really does have to do with gypsies. First to hit another kind of gypsy. They're kind of gypsies. Why are you talking about that now? They're a little bit gypsy. They say. They say.

But they're European gypsies. Totally different than our gypsies. I'm sure. You have to watch this gypsy wedding show. Will you get clips? I'm a little bit. I know you're talking. You're looking at the traditional Romanian gypsy. That's the one. It's through India. That's what you're looking at.

Huge problem. Huge problem. Here in Romania. They're weddings are nuts, but they're so poor and trashy and weird, but glitzy. And it's all confused. Where do they live in New York? In Slovenia and upstate New York. The absolute York. Yeah's the New York, yeah. Big into it. And they beat the shit out of each other's and the little shorts.

It's really appalling, but. They have blondes. Oh, the whole thing. And so I was thinking more like back hair. They have blondes. The fuck, what are you talking about? Where's the bitch? I think like a woman who's like a fucking unibrow,

like a sleeping baby. Like a mole with like hairs I don't think like that's a kind of a hot one. Can I just talk? Can we talk about this with our getting a little nervous to talk about this? What is that? But gypsy's gypsy's the culture. Yes, but the one in New York. I'll talk about the one in New York They do a lot of fucking crazy shit and in LA too It they do a lot of crazy the palm palm reading, the psychics, that shit. They, I had a friend of mine,

he sublet his place out to a gypsy. What they, but you didn't know, because it was a girl, but I wanted to be in a gypsy, and they extort you for like 20, 30 grand. And they won't fucking, because they won't leave. And to get a tennis, right? Right, right, right.

In New York somebody out for three months. And they will fucking extort you for they'll keep taking money off you and you and they won't pay rent and you're They they squirm between the system. That's their their system is to find the holes in the system That's very and Romania massive problem big money. There's nothing you could do to stop it They gave them homes. Yeah, they sold everything in the house. Yeah, the government were like hey, you just live here They sold the bathtubs. They sold the house. The government were like, hey, you just live here, they sold the bathtubs, they sold the sinks, they sold all the furnished everything there.

It's a weird, weird culture, and it's kind of like cockroaches in a weird way. But they'll fucking kill you. They're fucked up, though. I don't know if there is violence. But are there other show ones that are like stop grouping me in with these people, or are they're all connetes?

Yes, yes. To those end up leaving their, like I wanna know about the people that left or something How's it never been like a gypsy comic He's gone. I was like I don't know from that culture. I don't know. I don't know if they're not I don't know They might be in the TV show they mostly build stuff like what their builders contractor I trust them to build a dude a fucking gypsy builder. They're all like working. Yeah Dude a fucking gypsy builder. They're all like working. Yeah

All right, here we go. A gypsy comic ready. Oh Jesus Christ. We found a gypsy come He's doing a character. That's a wing guy Because he doesn't want this You only five bucks After the show My gosh, I bet you have any armpits too you do oh Look at the thing on the one I guess like a gypsy restaurant I can spot your fucking lesbians a mile away. It's the smell You guys are the fucking smell Fuck your fucking lesbians and my other way is to smell you guys from the fucking smell

I mean he's drunk from Iran and fuck America But he's saying he's from Iran is a gypsy from Iran. I don't know. I don't think that's a gypsy No, I don't think it's a gypsy. I think we should I think we should why is rich boss coming up? I got a different kind of a fortune tip to see that. I think we should see. Why is rich boss coming up when you check a kitchen? I go to different kind of fortune tellers. Which kind? The best I've ever had, which is crazy, was just like this 50 plus year old white bus driver looking guy in the back of a Mexican restaurant. You can't believe it.

He did great. You can't believe in it. It's not about believing it. It's like, I mean, he killed it. He really did. Yeah. I believe it. I just like, I mean, he killed it. He really did. I believe it. I believe it. I just feel there's people that have to have certain

and clinicians or openings to be able to read certain things. I don't know. What made this bus driver? First of all, why would you be with a bus driver in the back? I don't know if he was a bus driver. That was his look. You have a hat. I was with what look was.

Yeah, you had a hat in glasses and he was he was just sitting in the back of the bed. Did he open the door to his room like this? My dad was a school bus driver, no big deal. You dad was a school bus driver? Yeah. I just thought, what did he say? Well, he said a lot of things, and then eight months later, something reminded me of him, and it looks back, and he kind of called everything.

What? I just, I don't wanna talk about it. No, I will. Um, he was just saying that, ah, wait, I'm trying to figure it out. I'm so excited right now. Why? I just, this is suspense. It's not, well now I feel like it's not gonna be cool.

It's okay. I promise you. But then what I thought about him, one of the things was the burning tower. And it's about like betrayal and friendship and something bad is gonna happen. I'm like, well nothing happened. I guess that- You saw a terrorist.

But I didn't have, that's what like wasn't right. And then I had this awful thing with one of my friends and I had to fire him and it was this crazy betrayal thing. I couldn't believe it. But basically what he was saying was, you have all of the tools you need to succeed right now. You finally worked hard enough and it's time to like make it happen.

And then I sold this show and stuff. And then he's like only after you do all your work. You have a show. You follow the, congratulations. Oh good, is there a part from Big Puppa Bob? I've always think about it, cause it's a backup nanny.

So I'm gonna see a lot of people. Let's get Big Puppa Bob. We're gonna film it in Chicago. Let's go, I'm already famous there. I'm gonna take you to Art of Pizza. I'm gonna take you to Art of Pizza. I'm gonna take you to Art of Pizza. I'm gonna take you to Art of already famous there. I take you to art of pizza I'm a breaker. That's it. I have to go breaker It was just like all these sick. I don't pizza sticks And then he was like you have to focus on your work and make sure you're working on improving your self

Mama, can I say something? And then you'll fall in love and then I did I want to do can I read you right now? What look at me? No look at me I'm turning red What are you showing me? I'm so nervous What's happening? Listen, I want you to look I want you to look into the penis Listen to me look into the penis. Yo, this is wild Follow the penis. All right. This is not what I do with my therapist.

So, listen, listen to me. Mm hmm. I'm getting something from you right now. You're just something there's something from. I really want to tell you I'm getting you something. You're going through something right now. You're going through some turmoil, but you're almost on the out of it. You're almost out of it.

Are you talking to me too? I'm talking to all of you. Listen, right now you're almost out of it, but're almost out of it. Are you talking to me too? I'm talking to all of you. Oh, listen, right now you're almost out of it, but it took you a while. You're almost out of it. But you kind of want to go back. You kind of like living in it. Yeah. You like the misery. Yeah. You like the way it feels. You like feeling bad. I know. And if you know if you get out of it and you come through it, you're going to have to let go of it come through you're gonna have to let go of it and you don't want to let go of it There's a party that wants to hold on to it Because you miss it am I right or am I wrong? Sure, but I just feel like you're trying to play games on me

I don't even know who you are I know it's good. No, I'll do yours. I'll do yours. I just am in to. You're a failed show is gone. It's not coming back. You have to pick up dog shit for a long time. Sit.

No, I'm getting. What a perfect cock. There are women in like, it's like this Turkish coffee thing. I'm joking. I'm kidding. You're going to be a big hit. Thank you. But do you know about that? It's these Turkish women and queens and it's coffee and then they thing. I'm joking. I'm kidding. You're gonna be a big hit. Thank you. But do you know about that?

It's these Turkish women and queens and it's coffee and then they put it on a plate. Yeah. I just believe that some people are more inclined to better than that. I don't care. I look. If you believe in that, I believe, I come from...

I understand some of it's bullshit too. No, some people, some people, they... Whatever you believe, they feel. They feel, they feel. I think what you believe is what you believe and you can, you manifest what you want. I want to go to these coffee readings. I don't know about this.

The real housewives of New York went out and they were all in the room. Yeah, hang on a second. Oh, they're in authority. Hang on a second. Oh, shit. Oh, wow. I do coffee shirt readings. Yes, did this drip or see this drip that just went away?

Right there. That's your pilot. It's gonna be a hit. So fun. You can't, you thank you, Gabby's the best. Sometimes you just need someone to tell you things you want to hear. Yeah, you're awesome. You're very talented.

We all choose our lives. You're very talented. We all choose our lives. We all choose our lives. We all have lives we have to choose to live, right? Like democracy is good, all right. Says who, it's just made up. Same thing with, what?

Just made up, everything's made up. Everything's made up. But you know what I'm saying? Yeah, we're into it, but it's like, there's no reason it's better than anything else. Man, there's a big reason. No, no, but there isn't. Fuck, I mean, if you talk to my parents,

they grew up in Stalin times. Yeah, there's a terrible lot. Yeah, there's a good but like one could argue, socialism is better. Socialism is not better. You know what I'm saying? But one could, my point is like, I believe the nicks are gonna make it every year.

They're not, but it's a lie I believe. Some people believe that Jesus walked on water. It's a lie I believe. You know, everybody choose their lives and that makes up that your belief system in life. And that's fine, it's good. I just said that in one sense. You believe what you believe.

You brought up shoes your lies is sexier. Choose your lies you go, what is that? You believe what you believe is like, I think you just said believe twice. I also, I like motivation in quotes. Oh, I love them. I'm not gonna do it. I love you.

I love you. Choose your lies. I love you. I follow a lot of inspirational quotes. Joel Austin, give me one to Joel. I don't know, guys. Stop putting me on the spot, everything I say. I have a bad idea.

I'm not, can I give you a good one? I'm not trying to put you on the spot. I'm not trying to put you on the spot. I'm not trying to put you on the spot. I'm not trying to put you on the spot. I really am not. I'm not, I'm just asking you because I don't know. I don't know what you're, What do you take that you believe?

Listen to like let's brown I love affirmations affirmations. That's what we're saying. I know that's what I said On your team, all right, you're on his team Throw me under the bus. No, no, we're on the same team. Andrew We're on a simple if you ever book these two I fucking real book me again. No, you can book it Yeah, you don't fucking book me Not together with Andrew not to get this great chemistry. No, you guys are the worst this peanut butter and gels You're not jealous Don't you ever take J. Train's fucking stuff?

I'll fucking save it. I'll call him he would I'll fucking save him. I'll call him, he would. Sounds very J-training. Fucking call him right now. I can't really, he got us all to call him J-training. It's such a weird thing. I don't call him J-training. I call him J-training.

I call him J-training, I can't believe it. I see, I don't call him anything. I don't wanna fight it, I wanna feel it. Yeah. I was trying to fight it for a while. Lean in, bro. I wanted to lean into the J-traine. Lean in.

Fucking dubs. Trude, true. But he's the best of all the bros they feel. Um, a jet train? Yeah. Is there a better bro? Great bro. He's your bro too.

Am I a bro? You're a bro. Now, we can do it. Let's see the kid. Let's see the new show. Let's say maybe more of a two. That's a good, uh, yeah, it's a good, it's a good thing. The fact that you could, you like, yeah, I'm a douche,

mean, you're a douche. There's a little bit of a, like a hip, it's a good thing. The fact that you could, you like Yamadosh, mean your ad-ish. This is a little different. Because you have a little bit of a, like a hip-hop dress too, you're not really a bro. Exactly, you know, he's more of like a, like, I would say waspie, but he's Jewish, but that kind of like a, like a, like a,

like a, like a, like a Connecticut, fucking like, you know, like a New York. Why is that thing with kids who grew up in the city? You can be very white. Yeah. And then you can go real ghetto, but with different people. So we're exposed to it all.

Yeah, it's like talking to him. I'm fucking blind and raised in the city. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. At least for me, it's like, I'll tell you what it is. It's like, we're team. It didn't, it didn't hit me. Talk to him, you're talking to me. Can you stand up, Jack?

Yeah, you know, like when we talk, you'll be a dead. No, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, I'm just kidding, hold on, I'm fucking it. If you talk to him, you talk to me. I'm sorry. Continue, Andrew, you think? We were saying wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, wait, no, wait, no, wait, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, wait, no, wait, no, wait, wait, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, wait, no, wait, wait, no, wait, wait, wait, no, wait, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, I think what it is is like, and when I went to Spain, I realized this. And I learned Spanish. You said name dropping the world. I'll tell you why. Have you been to Asia?

No, I went to Spain. And I learned Spanish and I came back and all of a sudden, when I was around Spanish speakers, I might not speak Spanish with them, but I spoke English in a way and I used certain words that they would understand. Right, me too. Etc. Exactly. It's just little things.

And sometimes we speak in Spanish. And it was like, okay, open this whole new window of communication. When I'm talking to my friends that are from the city, regardless of their white or black, I use different vocabulary. Okay. Like if it's just an argument, we're people of the world. That's what we're saying. Like I say, bet. Oh, bet.

Like if you say, if you're a joshing, what you bobby? You let him fucking talk. Sorry about that. Oh, I interrupted once. He's been interrupting the whole time. I'm sorry, I don't mean to throw you in the bus. You told me under the bus. I thought we're just, I didn't mean to do that when I just did.

He upset me. Go ahead. I got peanut butter and. He really is. I didn't mean to do that when I just did, he upset me. Go ahead. I got straight. Peter buttern tells. Shut up. Go ahead. Go. Okay.

So, so for example, tell me to go on my show. I showed him the go. I didn't tell you to go. You go. Don't tell my guest to go. What? I tell my guest. Go.

Go. Can I hold the dick while the other guy. So, so I, uh, so you say, hey, let's do the podcast tomorrow at 230. I'll go bet. That means like, okay, like word. That means I'm not a asshole. I know you know to me. I didn't say, I might, I might not say that to, I might not say that to Lisa,

because I don't think she understands it. So for me, it's not for people outside, they look at it as like, oh, this person is trying to be black. This sort of trying to be, this is how we speak here. They're talking, there's a lot of people don't understand. I said, and I'm sure that you have certain vernacular in Chicago that us New Yorkers wouldn't understand. We New Yorkers.

No, but I was in a city kid. I was in the suburbs. I think you have your terms, you know? I just think city kids are the coolest. You get to take the train earlier. You're just more independent. And yeah, it's just. I think city kids though, hanging out in the city with my kid, because I like to bring him in the city a lot to go to the parks here

Because the parks in Westchester the parents are very helicopter parents Would they'll be right there and the kids don't want to play with other kids. They're very snooty in the city You I'll just let them in the playground at all the fucking kids play with all the kids They're gonna be shit, but it's like a dog park. The, the, the, the, the kids, city kids seem to, some of them seem to be dirtier. Like, just shit all over their face. Yeah. And some hand me down quarter-oys.

Because the nannies are probably taking care of them. No, we, you know, the parents seem, the parents though, New York parents, you know, it's like the dad's wearing some, you know, some shoes and it's the nanny. Get off all in his jacket. He's right. Because of the, no, I'm telling you.

No, no, I have a fucking kid. Don't tell me, fuckface. I've been the kid. No, you haven't. You've been nanny neglected. Dude, I just was in the park last week. I'm talking about the parents that have the park. To the park.

No, my parents at the park. When I was babysitting in New York. I love you. Dude, I'm a mom. I'll be breathed because I don't want you to have that hard time. I'm a fucking, I'm saying this. I know, not talking to me, but you're a lousy between. I'm a fucking nut. I want you to laugh.

I'm from a city too. Yeah, I know. I'm from a city too, but you're from Boston. I know, which is a fucking tougher city. You're right, it is tougher. It is tougher, but it's wider. It's not wider. It's wider.

I don't like that. I like the fact that you've got the deetered mix out there. If you have, look at me. It's car. It's not wider. It's wider. It's very white. I like the deeter mix out there. If you have, look at me. It's coque. It's coque. No, I was bad. It's very coque out there. It's not, it's very coque.

It's absolutely none. I hear the black dudes in Boston. I'm like, you guys sound white. Dude, it's not anymore. Smot. It's very European. Black dudes sound like white guys. In Boston. In Boston. White dudes sound like black dudes in black dude. They sound like Boston guys. That's what it

does. What? It does. Boston accent to me is a white guy accent. So black guys sound white in Boston because they go, we sound black because you can hear a guy go, Bobby, come here for a second. You'll go with the black dude. Exactly. Jamal. It is a little weird. Yeah. It's all you have more influence on them than they do on you over there. Here, black people have more influence on us. Yeah, like black guys in Boston use dude. Yeah. They're like, you know, dude, huh? That's awesome.

Yeah. My favorite. The coolest is now off topic. When I was a backup nanny and babysitting all over, my favorite thing was your park. Thank God you're here. It was park politics. I loved it.

I loved seeing. I loved seeing which nannies hung out with which and then like fancy European parents, all the like, hey, shenanis are over here. The Asians would hang out in one corner. and there's a couple like white millennial baby Ciders and we would sit together and I just loved watching wherever When did you have an aggregation? Yeah, Andrew and they're chatting and then you see who cares about the kids and not But my favorite were like a hot European rich rich. Did you have a nanny?

I did well I interesting story my mom I had a rational my ass when I was a kid when I was really young and my mom was like What's up with this and? This is going somewhere. Yeah, she's like what's up with this rational my ass and god is my mom, I had a rash on my ass when I was a kid when I was really young and my mom was like, what's up with this? And um, this is going somewhere. Yeah, she's like, what's up with this rash on my ass and God, this, my mom's so dope. But uh, so what she did is that's another city word. Yeah, maybe she's fresh. She's fresh. So she, uh, so she let the babysitter pick me up and take me to the park and then she followed her and she hit in a bush and watched the babysitter from a bush. Fuck you. And then, man, ain't no, didn't fuck me. So the nanny would from a bush. Fuck you in the manate. No, dude, fuck me. So the nanny would just leave me in the, in the, uh,

Swapy and not even push me. So I sit there for hours, like a dog tried to a fucking lamp. She goes, you were there for out, my mom's got us. You were there for hours. And I remember I was like, mom, why didn't you just step in? Like you could have watched for 10 minutes. You waited two hours because she had no one to fucking, because she wanted to see exactly how long.

But how fucking dope is that? That makes hide in a bush. That makes me sad. It's shit though. And it's part of it. No, that's like, for a sad, for a family, but what's talks about that a lot, like back in the day,

what a hunk of shit that person is. The air in spray is you. and so they care about you a lot So you you got all this attention and the 80s is when it's all I'll change and it's all these babysitters Yeah, they just don't care about you a lot. I love my wife I go I I told my wife I go what are you gonna do and she goes I'm staying home with the kid but now everyone's just fighting now instead of like get it Trying to get attention from babysitters. I don't love you now Now it's everyone has a phone and these kids are just trying. If I go to the park, no, but if you go on the weekends,

if you go on babysitters, if you go to the park on weekends, fuck, everyone's on their phone. Nobody's on their phone. It's all their parents. If you go during the week, it's all these Haitian ladies on their phones. But if you go on the weekend, this weekend, I was trying to tell you on Sunday

All the fucking parents, but the parents are dirty too New York City parents are dirty Because they don't have they you know stand to have a house in a kid in New York City The money you hit the nut you have to crack It's a lot of you're either rich. Oh, you shit You're rich and you got a nanny all the time or you're fucking You're going you're making it and you're dirty. You're jackets old because your kids, his face is dirty. Everybody's dirty.

You remember that Al Pacino movie? Is he always used to be in New York? And he had all those fucking like six dirty kids. Remember those movies? I only know the one who is blind. Wasn't that no, no, no, no. Central woman. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'll take a fucking flame throwing in this place. This is great. That's a good patina. The first thing I ever said,

at the end of the good, that's the end. I don't know who went here. Oh, his dog is the machine. Well, you know. That's why, okay. Now you're invested, yeah. That's right.

I got used to where it invested, would you? I almost got him from New York, then we know about money. I almost went to fucking juvenile, I'm gonna say. I'm gonna spend for fucking stabbing my nanny. What? I was like a delinquent kid.

You guys know that, so I was like. I know it was at that bed. She had this Irish woman, and I would always, you know, I had like no dad, so I was a fucking lunatic. Right there. So I would try to overpower them. I just fucking try to stay with scissors, and I got, you know, sent the author off the author.

It's sent the author. Author author. They pressed charges. You ever see that movie author? It's a different, she was an illegal immigrant, so she couldn't. Ah, that's good. You ever see the movie author author? No. With Al Pacino an illegal immigrant, so she couldn't. Ah, that's good. You ever see the movie off the offer?

No. With Al Pacino, and they live in New York, little, so dirty fucking kids. Is that McCulley Colken? No, we stopped screaming and singing at the same time. So sorry. That's McCulley Colken! I got excited.

I never was stabbed, but there was a group of kids that a baby sat and they sprayed me with a fucking hose. Not with mace. Losers, no, just the hose. What, what's wrong with that? I wasn't in the mood. Will you hunt? No, it was like a winter time. I think it was like three boys that were like sports and nothing like they were just nutty boys. And so they just can you go to that porn podcast. I want to hear this. Well, I'll be good. Bye.

Cause I have to pee. I go pee. Go pee. I also met one of my favorite porn stars in December. The porn hub pop up who Adriana Chechik There we go. Oh, like a Russian She's not Chechik all right here. We go there's some joints. That's a weird last name as a pick the name We're gonna listen I'm gonna see how long we last I like to do this with things I'm out. I'm out. I'm done

Not her I don't know All right, let's try to go back to the beginning. We're playing how long do we last? I think you should go into the middle and see how long you can last Her Nicky horse. Yeah, I go a little further like us right there. No one likes women. I stop stop. I mean, oh she straps here We go. You ready? Yeah a lot of people leave the business myself included and come back Yeah, and we end up here again. I want to find out from our guest Why she did and why she came back and I did the same thing and what brings people back? Evan Stone told me you will be in her podcast But this guy was also a porn star. He's gonna be boring too

This is you need his interesting interviewer. Yeah, like Howard Stern could get great stuff with porn stars Go a little bit further. I want to hear this because these girls all have fucked lives Most of them have they got left on the swing Lisa come on something happened. I could maybe that was it Maybe I have some weird a bit hit the play button. He'll shut the fuck up Maybe I have some weirda bin. Hit the play button, he'll shut the fuck up, maybe. I was showing it fine. Put the video on. It would depend on the thing.

I mean, we had some that were. Did you have repeat repeats that just came every week? They're like, oh yeah, it says what I do on a Wednesday night. Yeah, totally. That's cool. We have a lot of people that were repeats and I made some friends through it. There's just people talking.

I think the last class that I taught it was pretty funny. It was a class. For the class in one.'m what stop there's always like how to make girls square I don't know how do you make a girl square? Let's go like that. Let's take the class No, how do you make your look at Andrew goes just go like that? It's fucking big long Jew fingers. I'm not Jewish. I know listen How do you make a girl's square? Do you really make girl's square? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You make girl's square. Yeah. How? It's really easy. They make themselves square. You just stick your fingers in and you scoop towards you and I promise you they'll start squirting. Scoop towards you.

It's sooo... That's the name of your episode. Scoop towards you. Scoop towards you. That's the name of the episode. Am I wrong, Lisa? No, but you should put like probably something on the list. Don't write that down.

Don't use your simulation as well. I think so. Fair enough. I think it's like a vibe on the clip and then getting, yeah, what. But you have to scoop, you have to pull it back. So you put a vibe on the clip and then you do the come here thing. Do these two fingers, Bobby, these two fingers. And then these you get a little.

I can't do these two fingers. Sometimes when people get this thing. Because these two fingers don't work like these. No, you push these on the thigh. You get a leverage. On the knees. That's going to need to go underneath. Oh, wait a minute.

It's under meaning. Like under knee. Another way. It's a spider man. Literally shoot the webbing. Boom, boom, boom. I'm like this. Can I do this?

You're gonna get carpooled, you don't like that. My favorite. Boom, boom. Come here. Come here. Come here. Get over here.

Get over here. It's like your kids fucking. Get that out of your mouth. And then I put something on her clip. I think, well kink.com, or one of my favorite porn sites, they have a whole kink university, and it's all these creepy things that you want, if you want to do. And it's like a 30 minute video, so there's like one unheard of a lot of people in the park.

So now when a girl squirts, it's just pee. Probably. My bed's a lot of it. Oh, that's so sexy. So why would I want my wife to pee. Yeah, that's so sexy. So why not just why would I want my why would I want my wife to pee? There's a certain turn on I like to prove you did on me. I Like to prove I see something. He's name is max For fucking proof I did something. He's got great hair

You did something right Bobby your sperm have great hair Max Bobby your sperm has great hair some people could squirt with less Particular effort. Yo, so here's a crazy thing about All the it smells different. Yeah, but here's the when girls court They don't they don't necessarily come that's true. That's definitely true And I that's definitely true my fucking heart to learn that because I thought it was a fact I was like that is irrefutable evidence. I broke up this time. I got I had yeah me and my ex girlfriend. We was not she would not come. She would always squirt And then like I thought and she was not and and I thought she was like loving sex and all that she goes

You know, this is like not satisfying name. I'm like I'm fucking soaking wet and buying new sheets every Like what's this? I live with a fucking two-year-old and she and it's not and I listen I What's this? I live with a fucking two-year-old and she and it's not and I listen I'm I've been with enough women I know how to fucking navigate down there and I was like she was like a whole source of tension for us in a museum She's problem. We breathe when you talk fucking fucking Tony Danza, and I get When I get passionate, I know what it makes me stop breathing I'm like, no, that's not what's making you stop breathing As soon as I said it, I saw that.

So excited we got... How excited did you get? It was a great deal. It was a good one. I didn't know that. Go pee. Go pee. I'm nervous.

Go, because I gotta go up to you. I have to go after you. I have to go also. Okay, we'll do one, two, three. Guys, we're all three of you go. Yeah! How much you made your ass work? How much you made your ass work?

45 minute mark. We have. I just want to point that out you had a Had a bunch of I'm not fucking show the show Well, I'm just saying we made it past I'll put up your shit the whole for two hours. God bless Who's better than me or Andrew? You want me to check? I think it's gonna be Andrew. I'm wearing a hat right now. I don't look my best I don't know Paul, let's just a very big thing. I think that don't tell us okay

Can I just say one thing tell us can I say before it comes out? I would not be surprised if Justin is better looking. Oh my God. Now, there's a thing. There's a thing. No, no, no, I think Justin's better looking. But here's the thing. But here's the thing. I think what advantage I have.

I want to wait for it to come back. In advantage, it happens to be height. So whereas Justin's traditional looks, beautiful guy, but there's this height thing that girls do care about. They do care about this high thing. And I think that's where. That might be. But in some situation, we're both sitting down

so nobody knows. Can I say something to you, Andrew? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're both sitting down, yes. But you also have, you have this, like I said, you're unconventionally good looking. So you have, you have like a big nose. That's true.

You get here, you get all different little features that make you pop out. Okay. Now he's, we think a good looking guy would do. He's a good looking guy, a regular, good looking guy. You're like unconventionally. And I think he's like a statue out of, I don't know if you'd make a statue.

You make a pizza. Yeah. I can count on. Oh, he would make a pizza. No, you make a, make a pizza. Yeah. You're a real quick, I can count on. Oh, you would make a pizza. So we want to get some more votes on that. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say Andrew. All right, well, what are you gonna say? I just don't wanna get involved.

Just pick one. Well, you can go to the, you can pick one. You can do cast Instagram to vote right now on this. Pick one. We should check at the end of the show. All right, let's do that. Let's do it at the end of the show.

You're right, let's give it some time. I mean, give you some time to think about. I'm sure there's one of my enemies. He's an enemy. We're enemies. So you're not my enemy. He's my one way. I don't want to What are you saying? So I don't want to pick him So it's not even like a Controversy we just don't get along all the time. Oh, we argue. Nobody we do argue nobody gets along with And he knows how to and he nose out of push my buttons. And then I

That's what he does. Yeah, but I don't know how to control myself. So instead of reacting, we just, you know, you gotta talk to the bunch, but I'm not mean to you or anything like that. It's just we have different opinions on things. I've never seen anything disrespectful to you or like that. I like to push the buttons though. No, we just disagree on things about my friends that were rude One, but not to you. To me. But not to you you I didn't say anything about you said it was other horse. Yeah, so those slots that you hang out with I think you called them dogs I call them dogs and you don't like you don't like you call women dogs Then you call my friends a bunch of dogs when did I I don't think I would call women a bunch of dogs

Because you were single and you're like what do you have any friends that you could hook me up with yeah And I was thinking about it and then I thought of one and you're like, what do you have any friends that you could hook me up with? And I was thinking about it and then I thought of one and you're like, let me see, I go, no. And then you go, why? Because she's a dog, all your friends are dogs. That was one of our big, yeah, I'm happy with this. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, first of all, I would never say it.

Can I see, can I tell you what I did say? I think you misinterpreted. I said, let me see her dogs, which are feet. I'm a foot guy. No way. I promise you, I would never just call, listen, I've said. That's a New York City term. I don't know if you know it. It'm a foot guy. No way. I promise you I would never just call listen I've said New York City term. I don't know if you know it. It is a New York City term and I would never just go all your friends are a bunch of dogs. I wouldn't say that. I'm not

saying I would disrespect your friends. I just wouldn't say their dogs. Okay. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. So I think there could be something Mr. Terp. Do you want to say this why I love you? Yeah. Because nobody else on a podcast would sit there and go. That's my enemy. You would just sit there quietly and just put up a... We can never get along. I don't think there's one time that we've talked outside of this podcast where it doesn't end up

with me screaming and leaving. Yeah, it happens a lot. On this one. No, just in person. Do you name Koli Jodh? This is the longest we've sat and shot. Because no Andrew, listen Andrew, you're a fucking pain in the ass.

But I'll say this about Andrew but I'll say this about Andrew I'll say this about Andrew. He's a sweet guy. Yeah, I've never seen him do a mean thing to anybody He knows how to make a woman squirt real good, right? But he is he likes to come in and be a dickhead. Yes. I mean and this things about you But you can just say go fuck yourself and then he'll and he settles down. That's a guy whatever. I'm not as concerned with You how do I say I'm not as concerned with you. How do I say it? I'm not as concerned with being liked, right? Like there's some people that might filter themselves

a little bit more because they want to be like. And I think Lisa, you're similar in that way that you don't really care if I like you. So you'll stick to your opinions. And I don't really care necessarily if you'll like me, I'll stick to my opinions. I care don't really care necessarily if you'll like me, I'll stick to my opinions. I care more about my opinion than I do about the validation of that person right there. I just believe some of your opinions are not genuine and you do it for a reaction

or to play some game. That is true. You do things. I think it's like phony and weird where you know, this whole thing of like your nice guy and then some of the shit you say, it's like, you don't really believe it. So why are you doing it? It's to piss people off. You do like what? For example, certain. So why are you doing it is to piss people off? They do you do like like what for example? Certain discussions we have where you try to play devil's advocates like these are people's lives in your opinions He left what a pussy, but these are but these are like a fucking pushback Foot up in New York. These are like kid thought exercises The Boston work. Yeah, you know what I mean like because I think what I think your size is thought exercise

Like I think like I think what Lee's and I do at least comedically is actually the same thing. It's just on different sides. You take a very strong point of view towards women, what women have to go through. I probably take a very strong point of view towards men, what men have to go through. I think what happens is you could be just as biased as I could be in our opinions and they could be equally unapologetic and maybe offensive to the other side. But I don't think either of them are different. So that's one thing when I watch you I know what you're doing. So it doesn't doesn't trigger me because it's like oh yeah.

I told you this whenever I laugh at your jokes I hate myself a little but they're funny. And it's one of these things. I've come up with a review. I sit back and I've never seen five seconds of your standup. You gotta come watch. You gotta come watch people. No, it's funny. No, I'm kidding. I know, I know, I think.

We've been showing together. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You're getting about me. Yeah, we said you're a pussy for leaving street kids. Things get tough, you walk out. I got these two about to go out. I just feel sometimes your goal is to piss me off. And so then I get myself.

No, you do, you love, you mean, look, you're tagging, I say, you came in today and tagging, I say, me. You came in, but I do, I do. You love that you've done that. I see you do it at the seller. You'll come in and fuck with people. You're in and he's an instigate. But he's not, there's one thing.

But when you're gone, it's down, I feel we get along and have a great discussions and a good time. There's he's not. But when you're gone, it's down. I feel we get along and have a great discussions in a good time. There's a good guy. I like you. But then you decide to pit, like say things you know, Illinois, and I should just not get annoyed. But we're just like, don't think it's like such a personal thing.

I just like the discussion. I like the debate. No, no, no, no, no, no. She's talking about it. That's not just talking about you come in. This is what she's talking about. You have to acknowledge this. Yes, true.

You'll come in and you'll say shit knowing the reaction. So does Chris Rock. So they should tell you have a way to make them wait. We're coming in here guys. Don't compare. Can we bring you down a little bit? I'm gonna down to me. What I'm trying to make and Keith Robbins said I'm gonna compare it. Listen, listen, of course, don't have a, don't have a, use you and those two of the same things. No, meaning like, meaning like when I see, when I see Lisa up there and you're taking a very specific point of view on a, on a topic, you know, I'm going, yeah, she's a, she's supposed to, I don't think you're wrong.

I'm not taking on like the point of view. That's not a Chris Rock or I should pal do. Chris Rock and she's pal, don't take an opposing view to get a reaction. They are honest about their points. There's to be a contrarian is not what they do. I don't like the term contrarian because it dismisses my logic. Oh, but yeah, but you're doing you, being a term.

But you do things and I've been witness to it to fuck with somebody. Tell me. You'll come down, sit at the table and say something or bus balls, right? I'll say something to somebody. Or somebody will say something like, that's not true. And you're saying it to have fun.

You're not saying it to be mean or fucking hate. You're doing it to see what's going on. It's just simple. We've been through, you know we've been through that at the Selamyun you. We've been through it. I don't, it was, we've been through some balls. We haven't done it a long time,

but you've done that shit. We go back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And then it's over, but you probably the same thing with her, but like with me, I'll take your shit. You'll get me sometimes, I'll get you sometimes. And then next time we see each other, it's like, it's up to you. It's all right.

It means nothing, yeah, yeah. But with her sometimes, but this isn't bull's buzz. And this will be like, she'll say something, for example, about Trump, the Trump did or something, like Hillary did or something like that. And what I'll do is I'll offer a different point of view on that. Like what?

I mean, discussion. We had a thing about, what was it? It was about Chicago and something, right? The last conversation I remember I was talking about was about... Your dog friends? The little... I just, and if I, honestly, I don't think I would say that. I really don't't think I would say that. I really don't say that.

I would say that. You know what I mean? But now I want to see pictures. That's what that does. Now the last one was about when Lil Duval was on the radio and he said that he would kill a trans person. If you found out he made out with a woman and then found out that it was born a dude that he would murder them.

That's not what you do. That's not what he said exactly, but I just said. No, the question was what would you do? And then he said they would have to die. Who said that? She got to die. She got to die. Who said that?

Lil Duval. Lil Duval. And so why would you care what somebody, why, why? Is it comedian? Oh, I didn't. That wasn't the point. So then. But he didn't mean he really had to die.

Oh, is it comedian? It's, but whatever, but let's go on. Let's go on. And so I said, that wasn't the point so then he didn't mean he really had to die Oh, it's a committee. It's but whatever but let's go on let's go on Um, and so I was the last to kill a couple people but what but but then what was my opinion on it? It was like you and the seven a bunch of people um You were I don't even remember it definitely wasn't that trans people got to die I don't want any trans there are all these trans people are like tricking straight dudes and it's like my favorite porn their lives What's this? No, I can't do it. I'm not that beach Me it's like what just talk over the jokes guy. You fucking thing. I'm sorry I'm sorry like at what point should people be honest

Let's say you go a girl and you're like I want to buy you a drink should she then go by the way I'm trans immediately No, she's shipping ten. She's a girl until I'm I'm working out then I take it to his own about to fucking bang her and then she she goes I got something to show you Bobby I see it and I go what she goes this and I go she goes is okay and I go I don't know and then she puts it around my side of my mouth and I go and then I go you gonna tell my wife but she goes never Bobby

What is that sound Sorry, so are killing trans people constantly It's like if the world was more safer for them Maybe people would feel more I'm gonna be honest nobody's because with little dove or whatever where it's like at what point Will you not get mad enough to beat this per like whatever so everyone needs to be okay with trans people before they can be more What is that so is that trans so my Trans yeah, so my no fucking way so my I think my here here's my point on that that right and when I went to Israel I

Did all the shit I Country dropper we get it you fucking parents. I had for myself Lingo when I was there I Didn't tell girls that I was when I was there, I did it. What you're doing? I didn't tell girls that I was a J. Oh, sorry. Right? And the girls I met there being Jewish

was very important to have sex. But I felt, but they thought I could have said I was. Did you get Israeli pussy? No, I didn't get a, it's very, you're telling me it's very difficult. Oh my god, I feel like I do a right now. You go, my brother's on birthright. But in crochet, that's what you can do.

I felt like it would be if I told them that I was Jewish, even if I went there and I really started to feel it and understand the culture and believe it and deep down a thought I really was, but I thought if I did, and then they found out after we had sex that I wasn't, they would feel misled. Yeah. And I feel like there's something similar to the trend.

I like yapping shelts instead of fucking analytical do's shields. I'm just saying, I'm just saying, well, I think there's the trend in my career. I like yapping, yapping shouts instead of fucking analytical do-shouts. I'm just saying. I'm just saying, I think there's something similar where, you know, like, when people talk over you, they just keep yapping right over you. So you used to it. So, and you're fucking audiences. I'm so, exactly. Audience.

So, I guess that's where I was saying, I want to be able to keep the same energy. Whether some people, they might feel uncomfortable, or they might feel duped or tricked or something like that. And I feel like it might be safer for everybody. If it's matching. Do you have to mention before the trick? No. When are you guys going to be in fun? Well, you fucking, we get it.

You're being boring. You just split on a fucking tyrant. You lost her eight seconds anyway. All right? The one you're trying to convince, it hasn't heard a word yet said. Literally, we're like this. I would. I drive my hardest.

The point is this. The reason you don't get along with shilts, is shilts you're a hard don't get along with shilts, is shilt your hard guy to get along with. I'll tell you why. He's a confident guy. He is very singular. He doesn't need anybody.

He comes in by himself, rolls out by him. He has his own fucking agenda, podcast, whole other world. He's out there, he's got shows, he's on with God, God, God, God, and all this others, he's got all this stuff. So when he rolls in, he doesn't give, he doesn't need, God, God, and all this others, he's got all this stuff. So when he rolls in, he doesn't give, he doesn't need to. I wanna be like, that one all you guys like me, I wanna be great. Everybody does like me.

But the reality matter is that, that's not necessarily in my control, so I have to do certain things to. Everybody does like you, but they don't like you too. Just like they don't like me. Just like they don't like you. That's just the key to it, but in reality, you get like he said, I think you guys are similar because you're strong headed.

You're one of the most strong headed people I know. That's why I love you. Same with you. And I don't fight with you because we're similar. I'll meet him butt heads all the time, but it's not like I go home with that fucking, I love me, Andrew, he's a good guy. You know what I mean?

I know where he's coming from. the same place I'm coming from. You know, nobody buts head with Justin because he doesn't work the clubs we work. But if he did eat buts heads. But listen, listen, here's the thing. I think he's good. I think he's a bother. I think you guys, he's good.

I think if you could, if you could just say for two seconds that what you do, checks, blah, blah, blah, and what you do over here, feminism and woman and being strong, it's over here, but you could learn a little something, you know what I mean? From each other. Yeah, absolutely. But I love that, listen, the fact that she said,

you know, my head, there's another time where it was on purpose. It was like, Prince had just died. No, we got to, like a tape. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no That's okay that I think is a fair argument. I do communicate Combattively. Yes, right? I a lot of people know how to like Massage it in there and make it more delicate. I'm not as good at that I wonder if we could ever have a conversation that's not about some issue or a political thing or I do think Prince is overrated What I do think Prince is overrated. That's fucking retard 27 instruments one of the most amazing

Musicians just musician playing every fucking thing his first album all him That's fucking retard. 27 instruments. One of the most amazing musicians, just musicians, playing every fucking thing. His first album, all him, everything he's done. Now, considering the chair and do acoustic, he's fucking one of the most epic human beings to ever touch any instrument. Never mind all of them. And he's gorgeous.

And his songs are fucking amazing. He was the Elvis Presley of our time, okay, and he's fucking dead. So you're out of your mind if you think Prince is overrated. Hey, five, two, he fucks the hottest women and he's also a basketball. Yes. Yeah. And he's not wearing wigs. Yeah. That's his hair. He's a good look at how his bum is smoking overrated, bro. What's your argument? He's a good look at how his bum is smoking Overrated bro. What was the argument? Yeah, what's the argument? He's overrated. I mean, I just gave you the music It's objective for me. I'm just not that into it. I don't go. I need to listen some Prince Trump's Michael Jackson Would you stop it now? You stop

There's a lot of Any fucking day right now the whole catalog That Appreciate it Prince if Prince fuck kids would we still listen to the music that is the question If Prince allegedly fuck kids there would be no raspberry beret. Are you at fuck yourself? Absolutely not big look at your stupid outfits get that shit out of here. You fuck kids Michael Jackson is great Jackson can get away from my dude man

is great. Michael Jackson can get away with that. Listen, he's got to... You know, combativized, this is how I end up. I hear you. I understand it, but it's my dude. Honestly, at least this is not... This is exactly why... This is why nobody likes you. That's fair, that's fair.

And if you better stay good looking, punk, you better stay good. Because if you lose your looks, let me get ugly. Let me get fat. Listen. Come on, let me do it. Let me just do it, it's fine. I'm fighting for a reason. Please don't. You can't. Let me just do it.

It's fine. I'm fighting for a reason. Please don't. Please don't. Do you want to get married? With you? In general. Oh, I want more than eight to two married.

I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married.

I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want more than eight to two married. I want to have my own kids, you know, so a trans couldn't do that, yeah. Why not? They can have kids. No. Yeah, you can't. They can't.

They can't adopt. They can't have the talent. Do you know what have me? I know, I was, I know they can't have them out of her fucking peole. Yeah. I know. But I'm saying they can have kids.

They can adopt and have a baby and it grows up. That's my problem. They can raise kids. Right. I mean, I have. They can have. I mean, I don't know for a fact I can. But I don't know. I haven't got a girl part of it.

You fucking work a pussy, I'm sure you fucking them get in my eye. I can make it. Get the game to the end. But yeah, so I don't know. I mean, I hope I'd be able to, but I want more than anything to be married and have kids. How are you fucking?

I do, I do. I'm telling you, I do. As jealous, I see you with your son. I I'm like why we're really love that no that's what really bugs me about people who don't want kids just to kind of segue back to what it was I want to have a kid I don't hate them but kids guys who had such good dads and relations with their dads to say they don't want a kid it's like what about what you do with your dad you fucking turd. So you're right? No, you're parents. So we're not dad. I know that.

My dad is, I love him so much. Do you do? Are your parents still around? I'm a what? An orphan. I am not. Fuck you. Think I'm all the twist. Are your parents still around? My, my real dad, I dad, I've known through my life. I haven't, I've been a stranger for around 15 years. My mother, yes, I'm very close to her. My stepdad, I'm very close with.

Kind of, my dad who kind of raised me along with a bunch of other father figure type guys. So question, yes. Hang on, what's that? Let me do this, I've always wanted to do this. Question of the day. Question of the day. So every time I follow you, and you do that. I've always wanted to do this. Question of the day. Question of the day. So every time I follow you, and you do that, I want to punch by the phone.

I know you want to kill me. So have you found that having a child helped you understand your parents in a way that you couldn't before? Absolutely. Isn't it? It's in a weird way. It's almost like a gift to you. Do you understand when I had to teach my kid to shit over

a year and a half the amount of shit and I was like my mother did this yeah and I fuck you know but here I told I said this on my podcast before the time when I finally understood my mother is when we were fighting This is like we haven't fought in like around five years now. years now We were fighting really bad you and your mom me and my mom yeah, cuz she's like me You know I mean sure sure and we're fighting and I'm gonna say why do you do plan on doing all this shit and she's she goes bobby bobby I go what she goes When are you gonna understand that I'm never gonna change? Just like that with that voice. I was like, oh my

fucking God. I was like, what am I doing? I was like, I, and we haven't fought since really, because I get it, I accept her as her, which heart, which should not to segue back. I accept Andrew. Who he is. He does things that I know I'm going to go you're a fucker, idiot. But I ain't, I'm'm not gonna hate him for because I know because I do fall on the screen I've known for a long time years and he's a good kid and the there's people I know because the people other people that like him that I like and I like him a blah blah blah There's a there's a thing that and maybe we don't have this yet

But like there's a thing what I thought about this with parents no like like why do we why do we forgive like a racist grandfather why is that okay and I'll tell you what is fuck you what I love it I love it I'm sitting kid no no it's comfort like so few people make us feel comfortable that when somebody actually makes you feel comfortable and they're like they say some raisin shit and you're like alright whatever it's just grandpa that's what grandpa says so maybe I don't make you feel comfortable enough to forgive my kind of animated antagonistic question. No, it's hard to not think you're a massage or you could that. You are a massage nurse, right?

No, I wouldn't. That's all they've even when you mentioned Chris Rock and so what do you think bitches? What do you think bitch? You should with opinion. Cook. I don't know. You know, it's hard with like, you know, obviously with comedy. We should all say whatever watch and have opinions But it's hard sometimes when I don't feel like people respect women at

Andrew if a home be like oh, yeah, let's chill out Even though I believe you're right that you should be funny and if a whole walks up to you, sorry One second home now Let me ask you a question. Well, if you sit on that dildo right here, let the guys do what we do. Let's do fire. No, I understand what you're saying.

And I think it's one of those things where a lot of times when you just get the act in a microcosm, right? And you just look at, just, if I just looked at your act, I would probably think, oh my god, this woman hates men. She thinks, man, the worst thing in the world. But then, put, no, you don't. Come on. Say that you talk very, it's confirmed. Well, if you do, then if you do,

you have no right to be upset at me. But can I say something though? I saw your act. I know you love me. I know you're a good friend of mine. I love you. I know that you're talking about situations in it. I've seen your act.

I know that you don't hate, I need to see the way you want your mom. And people, look, we all have our fucking acts, but you can't judge from the act. You can't hate something from their act. But even in the situation downstairs, the reason why we do this fucking comedy, suicide fucking job,

this fucked up pact we make with ourselves till death to us part with this shit gig is because we are that dramatic as an individual. We are so who we are. So then you get these people, all of us at a table at a comedy club, you're not supposed to fucking like us. But yet somehow we have a camaraderie, somehow we get through it, understanding it, because look, I used to be more like him. And I over-life be having a wife and women and learning about things. I thought you meant thinner.

I was that too. I didn't fuck you here. But, you know, maybe you would have hated me 15 years ago when I first came on and plenty of women comics did who I'm friends with now. Who actually I love now who kind of we're cool with now because not only did they change right because they saw me I changed. And if I can change and use can change and I have a change. No, Bobbi.

Say Bobbi. If I could change you. Sorry. Bobby Speaking of Rocky this weekend the past one the Super Bowl They won I want to congratulate the page rinsed from This comes out on Sunday Today Tom Brady is the bad fuck Shut up Don't fucking hate Congratulations, Adrian. Yeah, and let me tell you I can't fuck the Yankees

I hate I can't even even if they're from my city. I hate dynasty Consistent I can't fucking stand down. You know why I can agree with boring is shit You know why I make him fucking boy. Why? Wow, tell you why the Yankees too. I don't fucking stand down. You know why I can agree with boring shit. You know why I make him fucking boy Why why I'll tell you why do you think you two I don't let's a new I understand them You know I Little poor fucking Jewish kid from the city never really had much hate the dinosaurs Because it's the silver spoon. It's this they had it all they had the backpacks

The new shoes and little fucking Justin had a And he had to go fight his way to school and that little fuck now He sees these perfect dynasties the gold Tom Brady momja and he hates it He hates everybody getting everything because little Justin ever got anything. Do you like Michael? Do you like dynasties solo acts? I think it's a fuck about swimming Question um here's it with fighters. I with fighters. I get tired of it like Mike Tyson's my favorite voter of all time And it's like I wanted to see him lose when he lost all right. Let's go. I like to see Fucking lose. I like to see mother fucker. You want to relate? I want to see mother fucker step up You want to relate to the guys? You want to I like the underdog? I like that. I win and you not almost getting close to winning

Have it taken all the way. I like yeah, you like that. I like I like like your career You want like I was almost there had had a show, a dog show, and then they scatched it away. Now I'm back at the stand. You really know how to fucking take it. I'm opening the Louis on the road. What happened, God? I hate the dungesties. That does not happen.

Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. Too far again. Sorry about the genome line. Sorry about that line. Bob Kelly stepping over the fucking bounds again. Patriots. What happened to my fucking photo? Okay, nice talking This is about what you said like parents understand. I've always not wanted to

Can't understand. Do you have a talk to French person? But my mom will say what is that? My mom. My mom. Casually. Casually. My mom. Whenever I talk about babies or my friends have babies, I'm so happy about it. Yeah.

She gets the smile on her face. And I go, mom, don't get too excited. I'm still not having kids. And she'll cry and be like, I just want you to have kids. And I go, I just think that when you're dead, you want me to remember you and realize what you were talking about. And she went, well, maybe.

And that's it. She just wants me to know what, like, feel what she's doing. I think you're right. And I think to do with my mom. My mom was up my ass for years to have a baby. She was like, when I'm dead, you're gonna remember what you got me through. Me and Dominic together for 20 years. We were together for, so 15 years together.

Hi, Dawn. And we were, we had a kid, before, five, five, I'm gonna say anything. I'm gonna say, she doesn't listen to my podcast. Of course she does. No, she gets a check. I thought she cares about. Where's the money?

Here's 20 bucks. Go eat yourself a snack, chub tits. Kind of sounded like you called her a dog. I don't know. It sound like that. So listen, yeah. My mother guilted me into it too. She wants me to have another one.

Wow. Because we said if we had a girl, she was going to be called Jemma. And she's like, when am I gonna get Jemma? Is it too easier than one? Huh? Is it when two would be easier than one? No, that's stupid.

Why, they play with each other, they keep it, they, they, It's not true. They, you don't know if they're gonna play, they don't even know if they're gonna like each other. Come on. It's true, there's some kids that don't fucking like each other. Does Max like other kids? Max likes other kids, but we might have a kid.

He's friendly, he's socialized. First of all, absolutely. First of all, what happens is when you have another kid, it might not be a good one. So you don't want to fuck up. I know people with kids, kids, right? One of them isn't that, you know, one of them like, you kind of looked out with this one. We looked out what could dud on the next. I don't want to dud. Yeah. I don't want to. I want another little fucking fish. I don't want to. I don't want a dud. Yeah, I don't want a little fucking fish.

I don't want to. I'm tired. I don't want to fuck around. I don't want to, first of all, she's older. How old is she? She's 57. And the thing is. How old?

47. How old? 30s or 40s? She's 40s. No, no, no, that's tough. Yeah, that's tough. So I don't, you know, I would mind a little I wouldn't mind another one to be honest with you. I would love a little girl. I'd love to have a little girl

Maybe a little boy to hang out. I get what you're saying to play, but I play with him. He has friends He does a lot of shit, man And and when your kids and only child there's something about it where they they're a little more mature Because they're hanging out with you So the conversation is a little cooler. When you hang out with a kid who has other kids that he's with, like, you know, true because you're having six with adults, six out of the seven astronauts,

the first ones, the best of the best. Really, the were only children. But see my, because you're just talking with adults all day. My sister is three kids and I feel like the third is, was able to hang out with the older ones. So he did things a lot. Wow, what are the age differences? It's like 14 or 15 and then 12, 13 and then 10.

So maybe 10 and 15, there's something about the amount of years of the gap. If it's over five or seven, they're not socializing at all. So when they are, they're talking to someone who's much older. But if it's around two or three, or that kind of stuff, all of a sudden, you have your kids. What is it? Read that. Do you have anything of stuff, all of a sudden, you're like, what do you got my kids? What is it?

Read that. Do you have anything? First born is usually I have higher IQs. So many, so many comics. What are you talking minimum? One point five. Well, I have my brother and half brothers. My dad left when I was two,

started another family and then they had my brothers. But so many of my friends who are comics are only children. So many of them. Are you? No. I have an older sister. Oh, you say it with such a love. I do I love her my sister She's the one with kidney disease. She's she's fucking dying a kidney. She needs she's on dialysis for a time

So wait and she needs a new kidney. Can you give her one? Thank God no I got a fucking whole summer book No, I'm kidding. I would give her I would give her a kidney in two seconds. Selena Gomez No, I'm kidding. I would give her a kidney in two seconds. Selena Gomez, I don't give a kidney transplant. That's right. No, she needs another one. She actually had one.

Yes. Kidney's only last 16, 17 years. Okay, here's a question. And you need a new kidney. I didn't know that. She got the key when we went through this 16, 17 years ago. The next door neighbor gave her a kidney. And now we have to go through it again.

I feel bad for her because she's free. Her next door neighbor gave her a kidney. Yeah, that's amazing. Oh, they got a little bit of. For the rest of the fucking him. Huh? Yeah. I have a whole junk about it. Really?

I have a whole junk about a kneel. Can I ask you a question? I know kneels, kid. I know nobody wants kneels. Kidney. Wait, Selena Gomez had a fucking. Yeah. She has a, oh, it's now she got a, now you have a kid.

I got one. I'm sorry. Now you have a kid. Yeah. Are you less likely to give up a kidney because your kid might need a kidney. That's going to want that old kidney though. No. I'm just saying it likely to give up a kidney? Because your kid might need a kidney. That's not going to want that old kidney though. No, I'm just saying it's no, my kidney, dude, my kidney, let me say some, I've never, I haven't had a drink in 30 years. So it's good.

My kidney is a rockin. Hey, if I can open for you in Chicago next year, I'll give you a kid a kidney. How's that? My sister. Oh, I give my sister a kidney. Would you give her a kidney? Oh, really? Do you know what you really give you a much pressure to get to me. No, you all fucking. I'm not giving anybody a kidney.

I'll let you call headline. I'll never been fucking cotton about a stitch. I'll let you call headline when you give my sister a kidney. I don't want for seven months. Wow. I'm all right. Call headlines. I'm all right.

I'm not worried about anything. That's been one of the years too. I can't just be some other folks. I want to give you a podcast called The Kidney. I don't know how to do it. On the network. Yeah, just talk about my kidney. You just talk about how it's doing really good today everybody. I just ate a lot of cranberry.

What blood type are you? What's the one where you can give everything to everybody? O positive? Yeah, I'm like, you know, you're universal. I'm like a superhero. Why are you fucking, dude? We can get a whole backstory behind this. I don't need it. Dog lover. He has kidney to human. I'm like a superhero. Why are you fucking dude? We could get a hold back story behind this. I don't need it.

Dog lover. He gives kidney to humans. I'm alright. Woof! Get you another show called the kidney. Ha! Ha! Uh-oh.

Where's that flat ass going? Ha! He's got no ass. You see that fucking flat ass? I did it. You got like a Fred Astair ass. Ha! Fred Astair had a shitty ass. That's why that was funny.

The dancer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you know? Check out his ass. It's stunk. Little flat ass. Bring up Fred Astaire's ass. Show it, turn around.

Give him a nice ass shot. You got any? Oh, I don't know if I can search his ass as it's like, come up. Hey, Ken, it'll come up. There's ass. Look at big fucking pants, flat ass up. Hey Ken. Oh come up. There's ass. Oh look look at me fucking pants flat ass fucking douche Look at him. Yeah, no no mom. Come on son Pat you didn't show it off. Fred is there in tights. Just put Fred is there in tights. That's all

Yeah, I gotta teach my god how to fucking search shit in Tights well, that's cuz you're not a fucking man Here we go. You've really known for a lot of times. Why would you do that? Why would you type in tights? It's a stupid thing to search. I can't believe you fucking, you said,

are you friends with him now? Are you good? Well, with Andrew, are you done? I think this podcast is a lot for us. I think it did. I think it did. I think a part of it also that I'm mad about him is because he sets me off so I'm more disappointed if I that's what it is

that's what it is I'm more disappointed myself I get I get all the time by people I got triggered Sunday I got triggered by somebody and I got less to do I got more mad at myself that I allowed the person to get me my triggering yeah so so but she just said that she feels good about you guys now. Oh, that's good. I feel like this podcast is good. I think maybe we do good with a mediator.

Yeah. Cause my intentions aren't bad towards you. But you're aware of it now too. So you'll maybe see it and they go, ah, let me just not say that. Because she's here and you know what I'm saying. No, I don't think I'll stop it, but I just hope that I'll communicate better.

You don't want to piss this broad off look at you. Yeah, but I don't want people to be like sexist and not fun around me. Exactly. Like, I have to get less angry. Yeah. That's it. And maybe you will be as angry if you know that I'm not not a like personally. Yeah.

Do you like her? Yeah, I like her. I tell her this all the time. She says, she says that she doesn't like me or she hates me. I go, listen, I still like you. I find you funny. Thank you. I find you funny too.

And I think a lot of it. I like him. Wow. I'm not sure about her. I'm not sure. No, but even if you didn't like that, I'm not, Andrew. I think the problem is, I'm more mad that you get to me and you say that I'm not.

Andrew, let's sleeping dogs lie. Did you just call? I'm more mad that you get to me and you said Andrew let's sleeping dogs lie Did you just call? I'm more upset. Can we get a fuck? I don't want you. I don't want you. I don't want you. I don't want you. You're upset that I get to.

Fair enough. Yeah, so it's more of a test than do you than like complete insult. I can't control myself. Hello to some of the dick relaxes you. I know. You're more rabbit. Well, I'm glad that you said that and I'm glad you talked about it. I think it's cool I think it's cool and and look he fucking pisses me off too. He pisses me off too. We all get pissed off

Yeah, I was fucking a throw something in his head He took glasses off for a roast. I did there was I did Because I was really trying to say something and you just kept yet You have the same face in him at a yonness. Huh? You have that face when you got met at yonness. But here it is. Can I say something?

I'm a psycho like you. That's why I think me and you get along. Because I have that fuck you. And I don't like when it comes out because I like being happy and fun most of the time. And then when somebody like this fucking dickhead makes me go, you can't have to take my glasses off. And he's, but he laughed too. He didn't give a fuck. He's such a piece of shit. I love you. He let me hit him with a fucking mic stand. He probably

go, what are you doing? Yeah. So he's, that hurt. So here's it. And I'd be like, I'm so sorry. And Bobby, that was a lot. That was too. That's what I would say. Bobby, that was a lot. There was too far. I was. Do you have any enemies you've been in this long time? Do you have legit enemies? Okay, wow. We're, I mean, it's a little late in the podcast to say this, but I used to. Mm.

And then the one thing I realized is that I really don't hate anybody in this business because I understand why people do what they do more now. And if someone does something to me, it's usually they're afraid of me, or they're scared, or they're insecure. It's something they did, and not to do it with me. You know what I mean?

And I judge people not by what they do on stage. I will never judge you by your act. I don't care. If you come off and you're a cool person, I'll fucking say it with you. I'll talk to you. I'll be honest about your act. If you ask me, I'll tell you, you gotta stop doing that shit. But I'll hang with you and talk to you and do other shit. There are some people in this business that judge you by what you say on stage, which I don't really think you should, because that's not who you are. That's what you're doing.

That's what you're trying to do creatively, which will always evolve and change. You can always give somebody that they will change into something more, but you know, some people have hated me over the years for the same reason, you know, because of what I did on stage. Maybe it was misogynistic or, but it was my life.

I was a fucking kid from Boston that banged chicks and single and had fun and blah, and that's what I talked about and that's all I knew. As I evolved, as a human, my act changed. I got more intimate and more, you know, intimacy came out and I was a little more honest. Cause that's what I had to do and I had to write better jokes and learn how to do shit better.

And that's just the evolution. Imagine if they just kept me as that, kept me in that box and they could have. And some people tried to, but I don't, I don't hate them. I don't hate them for it because I know why they did it. They were scared of me. They didn't understand me. And they were scared to be around me personally. And they didn't give me a shot.

So I'm not going to hate them for that. If I saw them now, what's up? What's going on? How you doing? Look, there's people that have done shitty things to me in this business. I'll still say what's up to you, you know? Yeah, I don't like going to bed with somebody in my fucking pillow. I don't like putting my head down next to my beautiful Fucking wife, saying goodnight to my kid and then thinking about fucking him. You know what I mean? Oh fucking

Andrew, what's wrong? Nothing. Fuck that! I'd rather just deal with it and just, well, fucking let it go and be happy. You know, Pock has very healing today. It is not fucking from you. When you, I mean, these two really work it out. I have issues, but when you start to learn that like, they're like, I'm just into this.

No, I'm super curious. Like people, like when you start to judge people's actions by what they're going through, instead of assuming you were the issue or you were the problem. Because I'm always working on myself, like she's saying, I'm always, I'm always, I'm always on myself. I'm going through the last four years of food addiction

thing that I can't beat, and I'm trying to find any way out of it. I've beaten all my addictions and I'm trying to work on my anger now too in the last couple years. I feel bad that I've watched those cookies. Well, that's all right. I'm just fucking, I'm on weight watch.

I can eat them if I just could do the points. But, you know, I'm going through my own fucking hell. There was a time where I was going through sex was my fuck, it was killing me. The sex was just killing me, the things I was doing, it was enough. I wasn't doing it for the right reasons anymore, I was doing it to fill a hole. And then, you know, and then it was cigarettes and all this other shit. Now it's fucking food and an anger, anger really took a hold of me in four years because I had a...

My anxiety level went through the roof having a kid. Yeah, pressure. My anger went nuts because of the anxiety. Good things gave me anxiety. Of course, things go, every people go, dude, your fucking life is great. I know, but. What is it that food does?

That's what I sell. Food releases happy juice in your head. It's filling up dopamine. It's filling a hole, dude. Getting a life on Instagram pictures. I'll make that. That's why I want to bring it up to Facebook. I want to show you this.

This is why I put my phone away this weekend. Yeah. Because to bring it way back to the beginning of the podcast, one of you guys said in the show, you look down at some of these on their Facebook or Twitter. This is, this is mean when I sit in the club. Why are we going to mind? Go to the homepage. It's a great picture of picture of you gamut. Can you go though? Can you just log into a thing?

So because I got to go to the feed. I don't know if you're singing. I want to go to a feed. Don't know. What are you saying? Nothing? Heading on you listen to me. She's only 16 You're 16. Barely. Yeah. Are you fucking kidding? Yeah, she's 16. Oh, God, I thought she was really 16. No, you're 16. Listen to me. I'm 15 years old. It's fine. Yeah, she's fine.

Buddy, you're not fucking touching gaps. I'm not losing another one. What, like, was there a first that I? I'm not you. Someone else. One I lost it meets in Jesus. Listen. I want to name one of my albums or specials that.

Just signed in. I can't use my personal one. Why? We got too much. Why? I mean, just because of my wife and stuff on there, I mean, it's not. Okay. Can we sign into YKWD?

What do you need to get on there? I just want to show them something, but my producer's stalling my thought process because he won't sign into one. But what is it you want to show? I want to show you, I can't explain it. You can't just tell me. This is my anger, I'm being triggered. I'm not going to be triggered.

Could somebody help me? I like when we're on Gabby's Facebook. Hey Mike, can you please just try to sign in? Kind of like that. But yeah, the item in itself, that's the whole thing with the thing that you're doing. I don't want to go to your personal page. I just want to go to the home, the home.

See where the home is? Other people's shelves, what's going on? The shit that you follow. Yeah, I want to go to that, scroll down. Now scroll down to video, scroll down, watch this, scroll down, oh, in the middle, in the home. Yeah, scroll down, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, find a video, scroll, scroll, scroll,

you follow. Give us one right up there. Video, scroll down, do you have any videos? I don't know, this one I can't believe. Can you not have a tone? Not video, right up there, good down do you have any videos? Can you not have a tone up video? Right there good. Yeah, so click on that now click on click on it bring it bring it to the page One of the protection It doesn't do it on the fucking on the computer All right, forget it cancel. Yeah, what are you what are you saying? Sorry Mike?

Um, okay, so now there's another. Isn't there like another video underneath this? I'll take the case Can't wait to see that by the way. I love it. Isn't there another video somewhere? It'll do that on the phone version. Okay, so on the phone, this is why the phone, this is why they got us on the phone. I'm sorry, Mike, and everybody for having to go through that hoochit.

On the phone version, if you click on a video, it brings you to a video, but underneath the video are all the other videos connected to that person's video. Oh yeah, you really can have explained that. So here it is, right? So, but if you go to this, you'll click on that video, then there person's video. Oh yeah, you really kind of explained that before. So here it is, right? So, but if you go to this, you'll click on that video, then there's another video. And underneath that, there's a dog with snow,

which you'll watch for five minutes, right? And then under that, there's a string of videos. But if you go to it, and then if you click on it, it brings you to another, so it's a never ending thing of a lady making a ham. This is exactly what laughable does. Yeah, but laughable does it for one thing. This thing takes me from a dog and snow to some lady making ham mac and cheese.

No, it's a big issue. Like all the Silicon Valley dudes, like all the people that make the things, they don't use their phones at night. They do not let their kids out of all. Did you see, there was a dude that people that make it things, they don't use their phones at night. They do not. They don't let their kids fall. Did you see, there was a dude. Like the people that make it know how dangerous it is. They don't use it. It's like, there was a video, I can't remember which guy was,

but he was one of the original creators of Facebook and they were asking about all the shitties. Like there was no screens in his house. He was like, when you're on the inside of it, we know how the whole dopamine effect of it, what it has in kids. Steve Jobs did not let his kids use any of his products. Dude, I love, I wanna get a fucking flip phone.

It's like, I swear, I love my comedy. A tell doesn't have a fucking, everything's on a phone, but he, it's fucking away in his bag. He has to send like a tweet out, puts it back away. I wanna come home. I wanna, on you come home. I find myself reaching for the second I wake up.

Second I wake up soon. I have a whole fucking bit about having an addiction. It is, it's like a fucking cigarette. It's boom. Okay, okay. All right, fine, fine. I'll watch Survivor with my roommate and I'll be like, wait, what happened?

And she's also on her phone. She's like, I don't know. So we have to cancel it, because we're just on our phone. So I watched a show on Netflix called Dark and it has subtitles. And it was the most fun watching a show that I've had in years because I couldn't be on my phone Yeah, I wouldn't know what was going on in the show because it's German unless I read the subtitles and I actually I actually have a went to October fest

Posted the M.A.s. I had a lot of fun on Germany. It was great They really stick in but they put a dub now. It's one of the few shows They dug it and it's stupid that they dubbed it. Watch it with the subtitles just so you focus. Ingrid goes, hang on one second. I was gonna check my email. Ingrid goes, Wes, it's on Hulu. It's an incredible movie, Aubrey Plaza. Oh, Aubrey Plaza.

Did you watch it? No, I haven't seen it before. I think I keep sunn as in it. He's so cute, but it is. Oh, Jay. He's cute. Yeah, this movie is incredible. I've watched it three times.

I don't know why this, why people that go to a comedy club don't, there's an option to shut your phone off. Why wouldn't you just shut it off? Airplane mode. And no, just shut it, literally, fuck airplane mode. Airplane is still on. I'm saying hit the off button. When I go to a play, I do that.

But why can't we do that? Like go home, when you go home, I think it's good. It's because I used it as an alarm clock. I have to get an alarm clock then because that's the whole thing I use you put it you could put it you can still put in the other room in here or use your iPad or something like that I love that he's back in the other room. No, I did what I do No, I if I don't have to wake up in the morning I come home and I turn it off and then I try to I took a I took a test to see if I have a digital addiction. I talk about it. I took the fucking test out. I took a test online.

I knew you were a zombie. No, it was all these questions. Alphe determined if you have like a cellphone addition, I answered yes to all of them. Yeah, me too. I have one. I was sitting there with 100%. I was sitting there with my kid the other day.

I was sitting there with my kid the other day and he was talking to me. He has an iPad, but every app on it is learning and he can go to kids YouTube for like 20 minutes, and it's out, and then he's done. Wow. And that's it. But everything on there is ABCs, or counting,

or whatever the fuck it is, or shapes, and stuff like that. We did not put any fucking silly games, dude. On his app, everything is learning, but. Does it make us dumber? I use games. I'm fucked, though. I can't stop. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,umber. I'm fucked, though. I can't stop. Think about like GPS, right? Back when we had to look at maps, we had to look at maps. We had to remember how streets work. I couldn't get them. I'm gonna say something about this. Actually, every human being internally has a GPS. and being internally has a GPS. And they say that because of our phones, we're weakening that, right?

We're weakening our natural instinct GPS that we are born with. Yep, yep. It's dying in people. So there was a blackout, so think about how hopeless you would be. Oh, we'd be fucked, but it's not a hunt. It's so true.

And it's a tricky thing when it comes to these apps and devices that help us. you go to about what just happened No, what happened with you and her do you feel better? Oh way better. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cuz I never had any animosity Yeah, I think you were really good mediator Anyway, so you guys gonna be friends now. Yeah, I think I think well like we'll we'll sit in the foundation for that Wow You're gonna fuck it up by saying something stupid someday? I can't say, yeah, of course I'm gonna fuck it up.

Obviously, that's what I do, but I think that it won't be personalized. I think that's what it is. My point is these things that are making us dumber, right? You're the soccer hooligan. Were you in the UK? I do. Holy shit. My look with my short polo shirt.

Yeah, you little fucking mushy. Oh, let's go light, just a, come on light, just a light, just a, Shit my look with my short polo shirt. Yeah, you little fucking motion I'm on live just a Like just a I was just no Okay, guys, you guys step on each other. Oh fuck. Okay, shit. Just a chance They did what it is point it point is the apps the apps are making us are making a stomach I think it is there were things that our brains are supposed to do like know what the fucking street to go down north and south You said what you said? things that our brains are supposed to do. Like, know what the fucking street to go down. North and South, East and West. The Eastern West. Little ancient like that.

Even the weather. Like, I don't go outside. I'm like, weather, and then I'll tell you like, it's too much. Well, I have the, I have the, I think I, I have the Alexa. And I fucking love it because I'd be like, Alexa, what's the weather? Alexa, what's traffic?

It tells me how long it's gonna take me to get to the seller. So here's the thing about Alexa. It tells me everything. Here's the thing about Alexa. And then she's a bitch hoe, whatever. She's a dog. She's a dog. She's a dog.

She a dog, she can't be trucked. She's a six and a half. That's it. Jersey six. Top. So Alexa, hey Alexa, how can you so fucking ugly? You can't. I'll make you come.

I'll make you come. I'll make you come. I'll make you come. I'll make you come. I'll make you come. I'll make you come. I'll make you come. I'll make you come. I'll make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come.

I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come.

I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come.

I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna make you come. I'm gonna paying for a service, you are the product. You're not paying for a service, you are the product. So Alexa's a perfect example of that. You're not paying for this Alexa device. But what they're doing is they're listening to every conversation you have. You start talking about NCAA, and all of a sudden you've grown.

It's great. You know the guy listening to my car on the other end is going, me and my wife, what are you gonna make for dinner? What's for lunch? What's for breakfast? And then the next day, you get up onto advertisements from Blue Apron like, we can make shit for you. You're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, make shit for you You're actually a sponsor of the show

Listen to everything you say the same thing with text I'll text my boys random shit about basketball games All of a sudden on Instagram all of us are getting these basketball tickets advertise is that way I got fucking Gmail things yes Sex change operation Sex change operation. Absolutely. What are you fucking, what are you party poopers? It's a fun to run, I don't want to pop a book. I don't want to change purse.

My fucking mind. It's true. My, she's that thing strapped in there, young lad. My niece and nephew, these kids, it's like, and I hate to shit them. It's like my sister's constantly on the phone. Yes. And then whenever she needs a baby, so the kids start wanting,

it's like screen in front of them. They can't, the second they sit at table eat eat iPads and they all have little phones. No good We sit down at 5.36 o'clock every day when I'm home Mm-hmm, and when I'm not home my wife still does it sit at the table and we always You have dinner you have dinner. Yeah, no fucking toys your food isn't a fucking toy You eat your food and when you're done Your food isn't a fucking toy. You eat your food and when you're done, then you can go and play with something or do something.

And we have at night, we have a movie at night, you can watch a movie at night, not during the fucking day. The TV's off, you play a game, you have, you know what I do with my kids? I take them to home depot and I'll let them find something that he wants. Like, you know, they have these ties.

They're like, plastic, they're metal, but they're plastic. So he kinda wrap wires up with them, or hoses, and they're like really big things. He's like, I want that. And we went, we got it. He got one for each of his friends. These kids played with the, I looked over, one made a heart, the other one made like a horse.

Out of the shit, a horse out of this shit I got out of fucking three dollars at home deep bow My kid played with literally almost an hour and a half for this other two friends that's the Puerto Rican iPad bro Well, it's it's what it is is his brain and his creativity right and his hands and his eye hand coordination Putting shit together to have fun and entertain themselves. Can we go back to the dinner thing that you said about the family dinner? Yeah.

I was talking to Bonnie, and Bonnie is the daughter and I asked Bonnie, I was like, how do you, like, instill confidence in your daughter? She also has a husband. Yeah, but we don't want to talk about that. So, I was like, how do you, like, make your kid confident? Like, what is the trick to do that? And she goes, you know what I think it is?

I think it comes down to listening. And I started to remember, and I think I developed any sense of confidence that I had from family dinner. I would sit down and dinner, my parents would just ask me how my day was. And I felt like someone fucking cared about how my day was. And think about it.

Fuck you. No, but think about that. That is fucked a show, dude. I'm out of here. No, listen. I think I won. I think I won I think I won did I win But I can happy child. I'd go fuck. No, it's it's for real. I know it is I know

They don't actually the baby's there for attention I'm so on your side, Lisa. You fucking broken home, I come from. Look, look out like this. I delish- I'm so hatred, bro. Okay, my mom is mental illness all this kind of stuff. I have my fucked up things too. Don't worry. But that being said I'll fire fucking listen down

Everybody listen Yeah, and how was you? Fuck me No, you're gonna make you better make a better in this sentence what go what what you an hour greatest part that you get to have a kid Is that you get to he gets the Not happy what happened I have a porn addiction. That's not even when I'm close to that. What's kind of porn? Who doesn't have a porn addiction I Diction porn addiction. That's the worst thing you got is a porn addiction

I fucking fell asleep with an iPad on my chest and a load in my belly button Yeah, me times I fucking fell asleep with an iPad on my chest and a load in my belly button Fucking eight minutes after I got into the holiday next breath You wake up with a comma is cute and then my my face time goes off And it's my son and I got a hurry up and fucking clean up and put a string of lessons on self confidence from dinner with his family Oh, Bonnie, it was Bonnie that really put him put in place. We all heard what you piss off. I just thought it was pretty cool. I am man Everyone healed now it's my turn Sorry, yeah, sorry Mike about you fucking sensitive. I love my dad ears. Okay What's wrong

We need a man. What's wrong buddy? Listen, baby. Let's say, we're all healing. We're all healing. Okay, what happened? What happened? Talk to me. Look at me Justin.

No one lied to you. Put the dick down. Just the dick down. Wow. Just the, let it out. Don't have a set. We'll get to the camera. When I would go through hard times like this,

I would sit both of my parents down and then I would tell them. I would sit the producers down in MVV in. And we'd all just talk it out in between. In between takes. In pros. And then I'd be like, you know what? I'm like, you know, I'm okay now. I'm not going to fuck a Jewish girl when I'm off in. No, it's just real.

One time in Argentina. I need to tell you that. I need to tell you that. Yeah, it's beautiful. Oh my god. What is that witch laugh? Guys, I'm really going through it. It's so real.

Are you in therapy or not? Yeah, I fired Alan because he stinks. Really? Did you? Yeah, why don't you? I went to CBT. Dude, if you asked me, I was like, if you think you're breaking ground with me, with telling me about my pastoral stuff, I was like, I've been there recently and some fucking

four. You're not breaking anything new. You're a pro. Yeah. It sounds like you opened up too, you're like, I've been there recently and some fucking four, you're not breaking anything new. It sounds like you opened up to it. I was like, I did. I did, I did. I tried and I know all of this, all that kind of shit on my two. You got, the only thing that works is like, cognitive changing your fucking behaviors.

You can't sit there and look and like, tell the same story again, like, this is what this happened and this is what, I know, motherfucker, your brain is firing in a set pattern. And unless you change that, unless you physically change what you're doing Mm-hmm. You're just talking about the same pattern. It's fine You're gonna have some elucidated meaning of something. So who do you go to now nobody? No, I go to CBT

I said cognitive behavioral Where's that I Skype with this dude in England. He's a fucking black belt that this shit and what does he do? We talk about like we reach no, we don't listen to your change your behavior Yeah, we talk about slipping out on podcasts Is this about you or me right now? It's about you fucking throw my chair. We talk I didn't throw the chair. I loved it I thought it was a real moment from you. I think we should stay in it. What do you talk? That's what my dad would tell me basically We we discussed like the thing

What a I Sit down Listen My button get to it. I get I got a gym right now Do push ups do push ups I need to death lift listen Put my gun you shoulder Deadlift Mike Come on come on come on come on come on listen to me listen to me listen to me listen to me. Yeah, this is a genuine

Just it just it's real shit sit up down Stay god. I feel so close to you right up. Isn't it weird how like that? Honor building really brings you in like what happened? Yeah, talk to us Isn't it weird how like that Really brings you in like what happened? Yeah talk to us man talking bro tell us what the fuck happened we go we Talked nobody likes nobody like shows no being dead see everybody hate shows I'm not like them you hate it. I'm just in who is his partner at the beginning doesn't like him now Listen Gabby hates him well to that. I say maybe it's you Listen Gabby hates them. Well to that I say maybe it's you

Maybe it's you guys, okay? That's what my parents would tell me over lasagna every day, okay? Let's say it's those people not you Andrew. You're a sweetheart I know but you just explain the fucking real moment. I want to hear I saw I have a real moment real moment some real motherfucker the winner Wait, let me tell you if I am right now My name the winner yes Thing that always makes it better thing that always makes it better. Thing that always makes it better. The only thing I have, bro. The only thing I have.

I'm gonna be at MacGubby's this weekend. Thursday Friday, Saturday and Sunday. MacGubby's in Maryland, and then I'm going to power live in Bellevue, Washington. Oh yeah. On the eighth, ninth, and tenth, which I'm very excited. And then I'm at the fat black pussycat. Valentine's Day. I'm putting it black pussy again. Valentine's Day.

I'm putting it together. Good show Valentine's Day. A rich boss is already on it. It's already sold out. So I can't even, it's sold out. Valentine's Day show. You can show up for standby, but it's already sold out. It's gonna be a great show.

Is it sold out? So that's amazing. What the fuck in 16 people? And then I got so many good shows to Wood Theater in Glen Falls, New York, a co-host, musical, Uncle Vinnie's, fat black, again, Mystic showroom. So many good shows coming up.

How is it, Carlson? Robert Kelly Live.com, I don't know, I'm placing that for Rochester, right? Yes, it is. So go to Robert Kelly Live.com for all my tickets. Please, if you go to the show because of the podcast, come up to me after the show and let me know. I want to know.

And go see these guys. Where are you going to be at? Oh, I'll be in LA on the third. I bet at the improv. If you're in LA, go see him at the improv. And then I'll be in Tampa the 22nd through 25th. Columbus, the funny bone. Yeah, March, Deng through Deng through thing Miami the 9th through 10th

If you go to the Andrew Schultz commie you can check out all my dates. Oh, no, he's everywhere comedy in Miami I heard that club pretty good. Yeah, yeah, they just reach out to me and I'm excited to go to Miami I didn't they know they don't have a real club there But then stress factory back here in Jersey, then I'm gonna do the Carlson to and Rochester Well, both the hotel is what do you got there Justin? I'm gonna check out trigger. Oh, I got fucking triggered like I got this pocket Oh there's a podcast called Narotica. It's a sex and anxiety podcast So if you like hear me flip out and talk about like why I'm like the way I am

I mean it's Tracy. I'm an azo. It's fucking great Tracy Karnazer. We talk about what is she a comedian? Yeah, she's like a young com but she's really great on podcast She's um, but we talk about anxiety and like is she a comedian? Yeah, she's like a young comedy, she's really great on podcast, she's, but we talk about anxiety and like, sex and all that kind of shit and my fucking all our, where our creatures come from. And then just go to, at I Am Just In Silver on social media and I Am Just In Silver.com,

you see all my shit up there. Awesome, what do you got? Um, I'll be in La Jolla at the comedy store. Look at that photo. That's a great picture. Who took that? It was for some MTV show, I think. Oh, my God.

And then I'll be in Winnipeg at Rumors, February, I think. Why are you doing that? 20-something-ish. I think I booked one of those, too. And then I'll be in Pekipsi March 3rd. I love those guys. How's that club? That's a great club.

You go in, you can just take the train from Grand Central. Oh the drop-choo off Right up it up. Literally at the gig. That's a far no, but you can't take it back Why? It's too late. It gets out too late. Wow. Sorry. Don't get it. It's great I mean you get murdered in Pekip see if you go too far away from the gig, but where the gig is? Fuck it great. Well, that's where snookies from soikypsy yeah, she doesn't live there now. No, but I'm excited to go to her home town Great great club. You'll love those guys good. Um, okay. What do you got? I'm opening for you tomorrow at fat black you said and then am I Then I'll be at the end probably in San Antonio with Dustin Schaeff and at the end of the prom in San Antonio with Dustin

Schaeff and Torre de Endo February. Dustin Schaeff and all right cool. Well Gab, what do you got? I'll be in a bunch of bars and basements. Hey, how do you get any followers on your Instagram from the show? Yeah. She's a bunch of weirdos

message me all the time. She's got. I love it. Keep doing it. Her her fucking Instagram. She does the story part more than anybody I know. She's always, and she goes, always, hey guys, seven people watch it. And I want to, and I'm one of those seven. And if fucking, I'm addicted to it.

I'm addicted to it. I cannot watch it. How old are you guys? She's 16 and a half. Perfect. Dude, you're not. I just said, she said perfect. I can't believe he just started to open up and then it's done.

I mean, let's do it. Well, what's Rodica? This is all I do. I wanted't believe he just started to open up and then it's done. I mean Rottica this is all I do I wanted to hear about You should come on behavioral therapy. Well, I did too, but you wouldn't get to it You can get interrupted. No, you can't get triggered nobody Buddy, I would like to run I got it. I got you want to I got something very cool happening what? You know funny for five other benefit. Of course. I do it. It just got picked up by bark box and we're planning a theater tour So I got it to plan a tour of 12 cities. Well, just go and put me the right money I'll fucking if you pay me the right money online bark bucks you'll you're on it all the time

And it's a bit I haven't been on the once you've been on it twice Bob two times just checking to see if you knew you're on it twice And you're on the actual banner. What's the tour? We're doing we're gonna be on the actual banner. What's the tour? We're gonna be on the tour. I got a high-retour manager. We got to do 12 cities. Are you the headliner? No, I host it.

So who's gonna headliner? We're gonna have, that's what I got to figure out. We're gonna have a- I need to be a dog lover. Oh, Bobby's great on it. He crushes on it every fucking year. Every show I do I crush. I'm a crusher.

You've never seen me not crush. I'll talk to you all about my CVT. I got a run over there to have a fucking meeting with them. I'm murder host. I know you murder host. I'll talk to you all about cotton and behavior therapy. I'll come back. Can you tell me what it is real quick?

Yeah, you're on Skype. What are you trying to do? You're trying to be a regular. I have anger issues. People would do it for fucking anger, rate me. So what would you do for that? If somebody... What the fuck?

Like, nerve it. I'm touching me with your dad hands. Right now. If you're loved to dad hands. Does he give you exercises to work for me? Everything is basically this. What are the behaviors that these thoughts and feelings are causing you that are standing in the way of you moving forward?

And then you're like, okay, let's try to reshape these behaviors and reprogram so you're actually doing things in exercises. When these thoughts come up to make you change. What's one of the exercises? What's okay, here's a phrase. So if you have like repetitive negative thoughts about something and when you have those thoughts, you end up like you'll isolate or whatever you do, it's like, all right, I want you to objectify those thoughts

and imagine it's like a radio station that's playing like some sort of negative news radio. And then whenever that happens, I want you to like, I would have like a clicker on your phone and you click it, like you just have a counter and you just, instead of following thought,

you're like, oh, here's that thing again, and I count it. And at the end of each week, we see like, is the number going up or going down? So there's everything is just like exercises and behavior modification because the whole thing and I know we're working with dogs like if you chain if you bring the body the mind will follow and it's like you can't do it the other way. What do you say that again?

If you bring the body the mind will follow you can't think your way out of like you know from a you can't think your way out of right action. You can only act your way to right thinking a a is technically it's a form of CBT. You're surrounding yourself with people who don't do this thing. You're not showing up with people, places, and things. That's basically what it is. It's cognitive behavioral training. It's the only fucking shit that works.

So think about it for this person. When you lost weight, right? You hit the gem real hard. Right? You hit the gem real hard when you lost weight. What's your name again? My name is... Justin, I'll see you later, buddy.

I love you, buddy. I love you too, pal. I'm gonna take that picture. So let's take a picture real quick. Let's wrap up. All right, go. Justin, I'll see you later, buddy. I love you, buddy. Love you too, pal. I'm gonna take that picture. Alright, we're gonna take a picture real quick. Let's wrap up. Alright, we're gonna wrap up. You guys are the best. Thank you for coming.

Zach, what do you got? Zach, the new guy. You guys are the best. I love you guys. You know what, dude, do I have to say anything that you guys do at all? Yeah. Make sure we got some good stuff happening very soon,

so keep tuned to that, and you're the best fans in the world. You know what do? You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free.