Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Shaky J Fox

Episode Date: December 16, 2013

Robert is joined by Mara Merek, Mark DeMayo, Robailloux, Luis J Gomez, Joe List, Kelly Fastuca and Chris Scopo. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Mao, a Madrid.

3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar tu del 3 por 1 en mediana, alomicidio solo pidiendo al line. ¿Saparao? 3 por 1, 3 por 1,icilio solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao? 3 por 1, 3 por 1, ah no no no. ¡Dominos! Picha. ¿Buscas contenido gratis?

¡I wanna be see! Fluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o sensación de vivir. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Fluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. That was trying to keep it like a comic-cad. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down. Yeah. And sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's intense.

No topics. No direction. But I love doing it. This podcast has no rules. Can I get a microphone? No. I'm sure I've already sent you the re-crefics rubber killings. You know what, dude?

You know what, dude? I know what! I guessed it. Unblighted cast, duck. I guessed it. I know what I'm doing! I guess... I'm waiting for the CASTIC! I guess the CASTIC! TIDE! I... IT!

S.D. counts here. How many times are they gonna tell you? I were back. This is a pack, pack, pack, pack, fucking house. YKWD, we're doing it live. We got the video right here for you. The clock stock is with an iPhone or an Android. Or you're at a desk with a computer and you're not working.

You get to watch this. Beautifully produced, um, television show by Chris Stopho. Right there. What's up, guys? Not on camera, because yeah, I deserve it. Yeah.

It doesn't have the fucking ten minutes of material. Once he gets that, he gets to be on camera. Seven and a half now, blah, blah. That head is inside camera. So let's half now, blah, blah. That hand is in sun camera. So let's, we get a packtouse. I fucked up again. I always say we're gonna do like three people. Well, that's it, max.

Too many people, too many fucking, but I, I, I told Chris he's booking the show now. I'm not booking it at all. He does it. I trust him and then, I'll help you, Chris. And then I added a, I'm'll help you Chris and then I added I'm good people so there you go So here we go so

Kelly who do we got in the house today? We have you? I'm right. Yeah, well, okay. Go ahead. People know who I am we have you What is happiness? No, me Why does her fucking just her fucking shitty? Beautiful Australian happiness? Oh, no, I mean go ahead and tell everybody who's here. Okay. Well, there's me and then we've got Jay list on my right Hi, Joe. Hello my favorite. I said some really hilarious things before we started recording Yeah, because I started saying hilarious things at the time the podcast is supposed to start

You just you come in ready to go. Yeah, it's 307 now. I'm not supposed to start. Right. That. You just come in ready to go. Yeah, it's 307 now. I'm ready to leave. Right. Ah, Jay. What happened to that? Is that one episode coming out that we did? It's out today.

I told a bunch of people. The one where I lost my shit on Kelly. That's someone with cow head coming out Thursday. I had to. Thirds the reason why. All right, I met a damn and she's a big fan of the show and I was like, wait, do you hear tomorrow? Is that really? You met a damn. That's a great damn. I was the Thursday. All right, I met a damn and she's a big fan of the show and I was like, wait, do you hear tomorrow? So I really, you met a damn.

A great damn. I was a dog. You have a girlfriend. I didn't say sex with a damn, I said I met her. She's a big fan of the show. Okay. And she's a girl, so I called her a damn. I thought it would be fun.

You blew it. Just call her a fan. You know, call her a damn. It's fun. A damn. So this fucking broad. You blew it. You blew it. I was like damn. So this fucking broad, you blew it. You blew it.

I was like, I got this big episode, it's crazy. We ain't Kelly getting a fight, and this is some guy who looks like a cow or is a cow or something. He hates Lewis. Is that true? No, we hate Lewis. We hate Lewis. We love him.

Anyway, you know what, fuck you, I'm not coming back. Because we can't introduce you yet. Lewis, so what? Oh my god. Nobody cares. I'm gonna be too fucking busy next week. Okay, be too busy for the next year. How's that?

And then I'll be too busy. I don't push the microwave. Come on. You have your fucking all white podcast over here. Fucking racist. But listen, Lou, just look at, shut your face. That's all. Stop acting like you're the key that holds this together.

You're not. Keyes on whole things together. That's a good point. That's wonderful. Stop acting like you're the fucking linchpin that holds the whole thing together. I did that thing where you tested your mic earlier. I'm gonna do that joke again.

Which one? When you said me, me, me, me. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Is all he thinks about. You know what? It's not funny to me. I did that as well. Because you died laughing earlier when I said it.

I didn't die laughing. I looked over you and I raised my eyebrow. You. Are we doing our jokes? Yes, we are. Kelly and Mara should do a podcast together and call it the broadcast. And you should put it on the BoobTube.

I think we've successfully recreated everything that happened before. So good. Oh, and I also said very facetiously, what time does the show start to bother you? It's very thin, by the way. I'm getting. Mm-hmm. I'm getting there.

You look sexy. I'm not. I think that's the first time in our relationship that I would fuck you. From behind. From behind. Can you take it, Bobby? Take Joe's content, and fuck it, take that.

Especially really thick, though. It's pretty thick. It's a lot of bumps and bruises on it. I'll fucking re- I'll reopen my asshole for Joe's content. It's been closed for 10 years. It's a lot of bumps and bruises on it. I'll fucking re- I'll reopen my asshole for Joe's gossip. It's been closed for 10 years. It's a nice penis. It's been closed down like can't it be Lake? That's for Boston fans.

And my friend Joe. Move along the couch. Are we? And then we've got, you didn't fucking control me. You got to do it. You could have told I be yourself. I tried.

No, you didn't tell me. You put the words. And then you talked over to me. You said we lost you. You think you ate that you are? Harrison of MMA radio. No one knows that. No one knows that podcast.

Oh shit. Kelly's on fire. Kelly's on fire. Lewis isn't coming. Lewis isn't coming. I'm a fisting. I better listen. Come on.

Oh, she's a guy. Oh, she's a guy. Oh, she's a guy. Oh, she's a guy. Oh, she's a guy. Oh, she's a guy. Oh, she's a guy. Oh,is isn't coming. I'm having a feasting. I've been a listen. Come on. Oh, she's here.

Hey. Listen up to you before they listen to him. Kelly, you're my friend and I love you. And I want you to succeed. I'm not fucking. Wow, that was really fucking nice. Yeah. Some of your dreams are going to come true.

I like that Kelly threw me into the fucking mess. Listen to Bobby. Fuck you. You're like a fucking middle act that is bombing and then goes, you guys are gonna love Robert. Bobby, Kelly is nothing like a middle act. That is. Next on the catch, we have a very funny comedian,

ex-cop father of two, one who's a bellorina. Mark, D'Maye, hi Mark. What's up everybody, thanks for having me, Bob. Hi buddy. Well, here's the deal, I didn't know who dropped out. Who didn't want you? Who dropped out? No, you were.

No, you were a book. I told you. Dan Soda could have made it. If Dan could make it. I mean, somebody in this couch would have been it. No, but I'm happy you could have made it. No, but I'm happy you could have made it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, call me everyone. I want to be on the show. I guess. I don't know why they have to bend down to please. It's on your microphone. We just assumed that you think was first. I think a little bit of the bump though. I'm confused about

what you were going for with that. I was going to do a voice. I was doing a voice. You'll dance. Who's going to be the voice guy when Dan's not here? We always need a voice guy. The voice of reason. Chris, Chris S Kofas working on voices as we speak. Show money voices go I can do a Boston accent a fucking Boston dude. Why is he so loud dude? He's crazy loud is he yeah? Yeah, maybe maybe your mic. I don't know Bobby That's sometimes Lewis's play to get people to be turned down so he can be louder Kelly. Are you fucking me today? Yeah, yes Trying to be a triangle

No, that's who she attacked I'm not trying to be a Kelly's fat Kelly stinks in my asshole Listen to me. I'm trying to be fucking nice for the count right okay doing nice things for so But we want to fucking award Just do it. She's attacking me now. She's taking she's attack for one show Kelly's attack you for fucking a minute And three times three times you we've had a whole episodes where all of you you fat dumb bitch You Now I feel bad

And then My Don't push the mic You're the key That holds this together Are you taking a class? It was Rebecca at the creek letting you hold a microphone on the basement at a table? All right, listen, introduce to the restaurant.

We have Mark DeMail, who I am very, Chris Bookchew said you're the very funny guy and you seem to be, you seem to be. Thank you, Chris. I appreciate you for thinking about it. I got to. You know what? You really can't fuck with him because if anybody's a cop, fuck, this guy knows people is going to gun. I don't know what you really can't fuck with them because if anybody's had a cop Yeah, fuck this guy knows do you know you don't know mark it? I know I know but I don't know him

He's a retired fucking cop. I smoked weed with him the first time he smoked weed after your retired. Yeah, we've been smoking every day You guys have a hot and a tree as well Kelly is fucking killing you today. Wait Joe. Are you writing jokes for Kelly? I didn't even understand why that was a joke It's like it's like Bobby is being supportive That was a good one she said what do you guys? Nathalie what the fuck is that mean because they're in love because they're in love They're if they fucking climb to tree and carve the heart knit with their fucking initials.

He's from Boston. He's not smart. I guess that's a joke. You got to be smart to get that. Was that smart? No, it's just a good one for Kelly. And you cut some slack. You can't help face.

I'm not talking about by normal standard. These are Kelly standard. That was pretty good. We did have a Kelly's on fire after a very lukewarm. Yeah, because the Kelly's on fire is different than a regular fire. Okay, but I bet she had her period. All right, so, uh, and then let's go back to the couch. Back to the couch, one of the car hosts of the beige Philip show is very funny comedian. I'm so glad she's here. Thank you. Wow, I'm Eric. Big old titties. Yeah, can you, actually, you undo one button for the fans on the show, please? No. I'm kidding.

There's nobody watching this. Just me and Scopo want to see your tits. I did look at him before and I was just in the camera. I was like, a lot. That's a hard time. I love that. I was like, I'm shit. I love the fact that we have a chick that has two

of the same size titties in here right now. It's awesome. That's different, right? I don't feel like the rumors leaning like there's something wrong. I'm not getting dizzy. In the time I look over at Kelly's tits, I get fucking nauseous. But it's giving you better guys. It's like the tilt of the world at the corner.

I don't like that you guys both did my joke right after each other. After I did it twice. I shouldn't have done it. Fucking joke was told four times. Joe, can you help me out here, please? I'm very confused by the whole situation. Kelly's getting laughs. It's a whole weird thing that's happening.

I don't like it. Scopo called me dumb. I don't understand. The two of them have confidence all of a sudden? I don't know what they're doing. Maybe they're coming up here and we're not here and reversing. I miss, wait, I don't want me and Kelly by the way. Well, she's very lumpy.

Yeah. Hello, she's very lumpy All right, so then who else do we got Kelly? Oh And also the the owner the maker the creator of the dark County festival in Montreal is it? That's dark not black. It's not Lewis come down by the way that it's a toronto that never but never booker on it she she fucked up the intro there's a lot of threat of that happening that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that

that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that We're good. Although you are wearing the same sweater to be fair. Oh, yeah, that's fine Oh, she smells she lives in a fucking closet in these village Tables 90 hours a week just to do comedy at night and you're giving her shit I could have one a year and I work up at five a.m. Because Lewis went missing with my phone Yeah, I like that reasoning. I was nice to a less one-on-one now that there's 40,000 people I'm gonna trash it You're a fucking asshole. I didn't go missing with your phone care. Now that there's 40,000 people, I'm gonna trash it. Yeah. You're a fucking asshole. I didn't go missing with your phone, Keke.

Anyway, I gotta eat you. You did go missing with your phone. No, I didn't. What did you do? We went to a shake-shack to get burgers, right? Then I had to go back up because I was hosting a show and I had to go back up and take a comic off stage. So I left my phone charging upstairs.

So I took her phone because the door was locked and I couldn't get back in the downstairs door. And then it went missing. No, I went upstairs, so the comic off stage and I couldn't get back in the downstairs door and then went missing No, I went upstairs to the comic office. I just went back down to Shake Shack You guys probably fuck somewhere and I can find you guys Kelly doesn't fuck comics anymore I went we went upstairs and I was like Lewis went we went downstairs And they were like we haven't seen him. We're back upstairs. We called his phone my phone I texted Rob didn't answer and then he was like where are you and we're like where he or waiting down the bottom

Finally we see more can cross the road with a twix bar and he's handy went to the dally and got chocolate So you left that out of your fucking story hop down right back. Where was the fucking twitch bar? Why does this did you did you did you speak into this? No, I thought I fucking brought my own my covers. Where are they? Fucking Minnesota Dave has them. This smells like a fucking tooth. Well, they tell the truth. I was there. Maybe it's your fucking nose. And smell that.

Is that Lewis's? Yeah, that does smell. I want you to know that somebody's fucking coming in. Now horse breath and sick because what was here for him if yesterday, yesterday he did what they color with a yeah, I don't multi pack of Maybe it's just going through the mic home into the my yeah, you just burn Like the B.O. from Seinfeld is beyond B.O. Wow She took Seinfeld Subprotective I was the people the fucking I'm trying to tie it into a new so she can do it right.

So we can just end her. Here. What is the bandanomy? I mean, it's a bum. Well, you're probably not going to get it because you talk like you're in the mob. Fucking bandanomy. That's why I love Mark. Mark, me and him talk the same.

It's great. I talk a little more fucking scarier than you. He shot a gun before. You have a midget ass. I talked a little more fucking scarier than you Shot a gun before so I'm like midget Ashley Around those are now the booking qualifications. He's got the same accent. They're gonna get my other show Well, I said to Chris I go Chris. I'm not saying you're not qualified to be the show But I'm saying next week we might have fucking Pete the plumber here because he does a silly voice Oh, he was busy this week So he's just hoping that if he gets laughs and he'll get credit for them for the fans listening at home and that's a real

Bayo as well. Well, that whole exchange was terrible. I mean it was the worst. Pete the plumber. Yes, he's funny too. You guys fucking so down on us. You're stunk and then he made it worse by going Oh, he wasn't available. What is this fucking laughing? Maybe Then you jumped in at the end. I was alright. Fucking crooked tooth Canadian. Yeah. I'm American. Not you.

You guys both have the same mouths. Um, alright so yeah I- The folks should help. I, uh, I told Chrissy could take over booking. I'm not even gonna I might add one person or whatever But he's booking the show. What about my guy? You who is that? It's a guy's a comic. What's his name? Taylor was with him Taylor I love it. It's great. He's hilarious. What Taylor cut him. He's from LA great guy LA

Girlfriend just left him. I mean you can throw that right out there I guess Jesus Kelly She leave it up. It's called narcotics anonymous. You fucking Scasal every time The fuck is wrong with you No, Kelly don't look at me in laugh with you a little bucky beaver mouth It's like a baby we could ease into it when he's a guest. He might be able to bring it up once. Yeah, I took that on stage. It's fine.

How's your Merseup? Is it going well? Yeah, no. Merseup. What's the problem? We're going to have him on. He's an alcohol, he's an alcohol. We're going to have him on.

No. Uh, anyways, he'd be great. Yeah. All right, well, let's have him on. I want to have me book. I'll book. Hello, Frank. Hello, Frank. Hello, Frank. My first book. My friend's book. I want to have me book I'll book

Be firing scope oh the guests are sitting on the couch staring at you sitting on the I'm just saying for future What's wrong with so far what's wrong so far? I'm enjoying it very much. I'm just saying I can't trust you for that You can never even said one funny thing on here That's you don't have To be funny to judge funny I just agree I don't think so much you said you got to be funny to judge what yeah You do that's why the industry Marmar just agreed this gopo was in funny She's stop attacking Bobby is I was shitting on me. Stop attacking me. And Bobby is a disgraceful fucking hell.

And you fucked up my microphone while doing it. Bobby, what are you doing? This is the most exercise Bobby does in three months. I think you're a great guest. It's not what I mean. I'm trying to shit on him and I get back in about them. I'm trying to get down a dick. My turn, my turn, my turn.

I think that's secretly a hidden camera. He's trying to get a shot Okay, we good, I think you're funny. I was just trying to be funny. Now the microphone was covering you face out of me there If we can't see your tears, we're getting into you concerned. I like everybody make her laugh Everybody but you We're messing There's something going on. I think it's Becky you didn't even introduce Becky. I forget she's behind me. I'm like I'm getting pinched Becky show Becky right behind you I was show Becky. How you doing? How do you show? How would you think Chris?

Yeah, we're gonna fucking fucking dumb dumb. What was your job before Chris? I don't really have a job I thought you would do in the producing today by the way Yeah, well, I got crowded and I don't I don't know if Kelly could handle it So I was like I'll just do it real quick. All right. I think you guys are great guests I was trying to shoot on him. They made it, they really, so let me let me get into, let me just take over. Can I take over Joe for a second?

I would go, you do a fantastic job. Let me talk with Lewis first. Yeah, go ahead. You know what, just this once give me Sean. Alright, great. So, go nuts. So Mark, you were a cop before. Yeah, 20 years.

20 years, so you get, you got my 20 years and I retired I got out how old do you look so young 46 no shit yeah, why were you when did you Stumpin I don't want to do the math so you're in a half ago. No, when did you start? 1992 how old were you 25 25 and you were a cop in New York City Queens? No, I worked in Queens Manhattan and Brooklyn no shit And what would did you become a detective? We just a detective? I was a detective you were caught in New York City, Queens. No, I worked in Queens, Manhattan and Brooklyn. No shit. And what did you become a detective? Were you just a street cop?

I was a detective. I worked in the Warren squad. I worked in the... Fuck you. You know, I worked in the two-sixth detective squad up in Harlem. You know, I did a show last year called We Bronx Warren's.

I know, I know, I auditioned for that. I was about your exactly what you do. I know, I auditioned for that. Who would you audition for? Probably your part. What was it? Actually, I audition for that. Who would you audition for? I'll probably you a part. What was it? Actually, I audition for both parts. What was it?

The one that was the heavier guy and the other one that I guess, what was the name of that? Spanish guy? No, the black guy? Yeah, the Spanish guy. The Spanish guy, yeah. There was no Spanish guy, right?

No, there was a Spanish guy. He was very good looking though. You weren't gonna get that. Really? You crushed me right now, I said. You're not a good looking. You're unconventionally good looking. You're not good looking.

You're unconventional. Mark, you stood there. You were good looking when you played the role in Saturday Night Favour versus John Travolta. No, you look like that guy. You look good looking back then. Like, if you had a leather jacket and you can't. Yeah, yeah, like from the 80s.

That's what I look like. You look like a cop from the 80s. Yeah, but we could be brothers, me and you. We have the same eyelids. I think so, yeah. Yeah, yeah, like from the 80s. That's what it looks like. Like a cop from the 80s. Yeah, but we could be brothers me and you. We have the same eyelids. I think so. Yeah, we do. I mean, I've got a lips, but I think I think your nose is better. I wouldn't go any lower than the lips when you're comparing.

But that's funny. So you actually did that job warrant division. That's a crazy job. Explain what that is. You go hunt people down. It's probably the most fun that I had on the job. When you go back to, if you fail to go back to court on felony,

the judge issues a warrant for you rest. When you work in the warrant squad, your job is to hunt that person down. Almost like a bounty hunt. Exactly, except we have, we gotta follow rules. The bounty hunters, they don't really have to follow rules. But you guys really don't follow rules as far. We follow most of them.

And you make bonuses on that, Mike, because you work overtime. Well, that was one problem I had with the show because in the script, it said the word bonuses. And we didn't use the word bonus. Right, you guys use drugs and extra money from the, the bonus. The bonus.

The bonus. The bonus in the script meant overtime, right? Yeah, we didn't really call it, we call it, we'd say stuff like, call us for dollars and stuff like that. And that's the one thing I, It's way grimeier than bonuses. I like call us for dollars and stuff like that. And that's the one thing I was way grimeier than bonuses. I like call us for dollars.

I like the way I gave them that. I gave them that during my audition and I was I was wondering if they were going to take it and use it. I was I was actually sorry that the show didn't didn't happen. I don't know why why didn't happen. I have no idea. They went with I think they went with the other one with Andy and 99 whatever. Boo. It just looks so stupid. No idea they went with I think they went with the other one with Andy 99 whatever boo Just look so stupid. I'm fucking really ironic and sarcastic. Hey captain. How's fuck off?

nonsense You just did and you should have done that on your show. Yeah, that was fucking I wish you did something better on my show Fuck was that stoner reply. That was really good what you did. You did the pilot? We did the pilot. It came out fucking great. It was a great show. It was hilarious.

It was fucking one of the, not because I was in it, but Dean Laurie, he's one of the headwriters on a rested development was the showrunner and the two cops who were actually what you did. Did you know those guys? No. They were fucking great.

And then of course, you know, a POSL, which I love. It was just gritty, great, funny, and they didn't pick it up. They didn't want, I don't think they wanted, I don't know, I don't fucking know, dude. You think FX would have picked something like that up. It sounds like a ground bowl to me. It was fucking funny, dude.

It was edgy, funny. It's kind of like, it wasn't as broad as they wanted it. Like that other one is really broad. You know, like you could fucking fly in on a jet suit with a chicken hat on. Hi. Oh, you guys try to keep it a little real. We kept, yeah, almost like rescuing me.

Like a possible guy. A little real, not too fucking, you know, we had some crazy shit, but you know, it was great in it, Andrew Schultz. Really? Fucking great. He's a great actor dude. Yeah, he, he had a crazy shit, but you know, it was great in it, Andrew Schultz. You really? Fucking great. He's a great actor, dude. Yeah, he had a run down the street and naked

and I had to chase him. And then I remember I was running chasing him. He had just something over his junk. Do you have pictures from that? No, I don't, but he's got a big piece. Let me tell you that. He was just, because they put a sock over your dick that goes over your ass into your your, like a G-string.

And he was just hanging out, like I would have had to keep playing the guitar to keep it full. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because I had to wear one too, but they gave me like shorts. They gave him a G-string, they gave me like a fucking purchase.

I would have taken pants. Yeah, you got any pants? The girl was on top of me, nothing. I kept, nothing, nothing. I had my wife on top of me nothing. I kept it nothing nothing I had my wife on top of me was supposed to be banging and I was shirtless Oh boy Maybe it's better this thing didn't fucking come out And I just remember my dick went inside like while she was on top of me

And I know she had to feel it because I know it was it of her no inside a me feeling. Because I know it was the inside of her. No, inside a meesh. She's just Lewis. You know, your dick goes away. That was a little helmet, it was a little mushroom. And I know she sat on it, and then I just went, fuck gone.

So she felt it, and then she didn't feel it. I was like, I was like a magic troupe. I was trying to get hard, but then I panicked, so I just went further into my body. I was fucking awful. But, what is your real life? Think about it. What? You're sex scene. Oh, it's weird. It's fucking awful. But what is your real life? Think about it. What?

You're sex scene. Oh, weird. It wasn't a sex scene. She was on top of me a little bit. And then she was a funny scene. It wasn't sexy. It was just a funny scene. Was she hot?

She was hot, yeah. She said she could make it with her. She, no, we didn't, oh, so bummed about that. No, we didn't make out. She's actually a stage actress. And she does a lot of theater in New York. She's fucking so hot. What's your name? I forget. I don't want to say anyways because I don't want...

I don't want to fucking. You want to... I don't want fucking savages going to her. You and fucking Bobby small cock. You know what I mean? I don't want to find these... Some of these people that listen are a little aggressive, especially the ones that fucking like you on this show. I think it's clear that this story is made up. No, it's not.

No, it's not. It seems to me. Ah, that's funny. I had a hot girl, we fucked in the scene, it was crazy. What's her name? She went to a different high school. She's not even... She's dead now, anyway.

I don't even worry about it. But she'll see, though. She's not even Dead now anyway But she'll see though she'll see was running down the street that thing was fucking flopping Hit his chin and then swinging through his asshole and hitting the back of his neck while he was running Dude, I think he's fucking hot. They love it. He's a good looking guy. My chick thinks he's good looking Yeah, you gotta break up with her dude What he's tall he's stunning. I woke up He's not stunning. He is he's not stunning He's not Weird hat that he like how he wears it that weird. I'm like your older Yeah, if you took away your style and your personality and it was just from a blank slate didn't talk

I'd fucking if I could not hear you and your thoughts. But I looked at them chasing them and they have a camera on a cart and they're pulling it. And I looked down these assholes, put a donut on a string. And as I'm running, I looked down this fucking... Fuck suckers. Ah, that's great. Yeah, but that's crazy. You've already... Fuck suckers. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha that anybody in this room would love to have. Except for me. It's coming together, I have it. Finally, yeah. Well, it's, but you're not having mortgages.

What do you do? Why wouldn't you? A mortgage? Yeah, you're fucking difficult. You got to pay, it's money to pay. You're paying the same, that I pay in a mortgage, you have a rent, they should be throwing it out the window every month.

Yeah, but your mortgage is $480 a month. Yes. That's what you pay. Your rent is $480 a month. Yeah, four. I live with 19 people. I live with three people. I live with three people. You live with two.

My bedroom is seven feet by 13 feet. Jesus Christ. That was just telling them, who the fuck was I telling about the back in comedy? It's been the most stressful two years in my life. But this last seven months is having my first kid selling my apartment, renting a house, buying it buying it's been so fucking nuts because for most of my life

I didn't give a fuck I just had a place to live. I had a key. I did comedy and it was in pussy And that was it and that was the simplest. Oh my god best Holy shit easy part of life and now it's crazy man, it's fucking nuts, it's nuts. I love having a mortgage, I love having a house because I know that later on I have something for my kid and something for my family, I don't have to, but I'm renting, I know a lot of family, most people in this world, this country rent most family. Where's your house? Uh, Westchester.

Oh that's nice. Where are you? I'm in Queens. Alright, yeah, that's a little cheesy but we got a one family a one family one family has to you rent i i i i what do you mean my house you rent it i don't have a two five of what it's it's westchester we don't do that thing you guys do it

that was two doors next to each other one goes that way one goes that way you're working just five grand a month jesus christ brother that's a lot it's a lot of the nightmare to me What did you get your fucking mortgage written the 60s? It's actually very it's over six, but I rent the first floor. I rent the first floor. So that's a lot, brother. I mean, I can't say I rent the basement because I don't, but I have a basement. You have a basement. Did they get to use it? But I don't rent it to the people that live there. So they can't use it. No, they did down. They're down in the basement. There's people that live there. So they can't use it. No, they're down there. They're down in the basement.

There's people that live in the basement. But you can't say that. I live in there for free though. Yeah, they're free. I get you. All right, don't never wake at me again. I'm gonna be caught up in whatever fucking cop mouth you shit that you do with me.

Oh, God, I want to look away. Like I owe him something now. Yeah, it's, but you have this money coming in every month because you have your pension not a lot It's only 45 hundred bucks a month. Kelly 45 hundred bucks. Yeah, what would you do a 45 hundred bucks a month? What do you want me to do? Kelly will suck your dick for your pension Monthly even out your tits

That was my first one right in there I Can't notice that they're on even from here. That was I'm intrigued by them now. Do not go backwards. All right, you already stepped on her flat head First of all all breasts one is larger than the other. I read it on Wikipedia. Yeah, no All right, do you want to fucking take away the wrong? Making else in the show no, I'm trying to fucking defend your fucking girl that you always defend your fuck i'm not fucking she's not my girl that i defend okay if she's not your girl that you defend and what is she she's

calisah stuka for most real yeah all right i produce the show every week so you can cite instead of Wikipedia Is a medical abstract Sunken-titted woman's writing about her tits on no One It's a Balls he gave you retot boys That's you you can't even follow your own dumb show What the fuck? No, it wasn't I as a Tard voice. It was the person that wrote that, retarded voice. It was you. You know, you can't even follow your own dumb show.

It's her Wikipedia girl retarded voice. I'm not the retarded. You're just, you just follow retarded. Guys, I'm fucking fucking fucking. You're telling me you're looking at roasts. I'm telling you, look at it's like balls hanging one lower than the other. Tits are bigger than the other one.

They're all there. Lisa's on my mom told me. No, no, it's fine. Well, I'm, well, it's fine. They are bigger than the other one, they're all there. Lisa's on my mom told me. No, it's fine. Well, I'm about to get to find. They do. I don't know what they're like. Just about to do anymore.

Just about to do. I've heard the same thing that all tits one is a little bit, but hers is very noticeable. Oh, it's not. Yeah, that's not. One of the Nellies on the other side of your tent. Kelly, is there any way that you can show Joe you a bra breast?

It's not. Please show him. Hang on. breast It's not you show him I hang on one we just can we can we just for the finally just see if you tits are uneven They're not let's just see your Sit down you fucking rapist sit down Can you get him to sit down take out a badge? So he just fucking backs down like a dog with a fucking fake? You don't have a gun. No, I don't I never carry a wink. We's going to a fucking podcast above a comedy seller Why is he gonna carry a gun? Yeah, but a comedy seller. I'm sorry the comedy seller is that a better view Kelly? Can we just see?

Son is to God. Can we just see? I got a single on so he on so he can look at him. Let's see. Let's pull it up. We're wrestling after this. I got to tuck my stomach in. How did this go? I'm over this. I'm over this. No, you better stay on this. You cock sucker.

Nobody wants to hear your thoughts. And I'm pulling it stand. I'm pulling yourself. You're pulling that up. Pull that up. No, you better stay on this you cock sucker Nobody wants to hear your thoughts I'm pulling it stand up. Pull it up. Pull that up stand up though. We got to get you on camera All right, look up stand up, but stand up over here so I can get you on camera every girl The moon has one to all right notice here. We go guys. All right here. We go ready look at the kid face the camera All right move that down there. We go all right Kelly all right one two three and go wait to pull it up up further Turn this way. No, but no, we're just seeing a girl that tanks up That's how you're

Yeah, your left one is smaller a little bit really that's usually the right one that's fucking dead That was bigger. I got it's all to go illusion Yeah, I guarantee she's got Crush Wallnuts in one of those. She's fucking fixed and before she came today. I've permissioned her to go on my phone. I'm gonna look up this breast business. I just want to go to the other side. Thank you for asking, though,

because you will not go to phone jail if you ask. Oh, great. Thank you. Can I listen to this voicemail from Tommy Johnnigan? It might be work. Want me to be a mark? Yeah, please. Also, look how we settled on that at first We wanted to see her tits and then we just had to go all right fun Kelly Oh, it's not really about

I don't really want to see the girls tits on the podcast. This is I mean this isn't well I'm not fucking playboy channel. You don't want to see more Mark's tits She's a fucking comic. She's a friend of mine Kelly is to this is you want you whip out your hog if that's the case Where are you from Michigan originally where you live where you from comedy wise where did you lost Angela you did comedy in Los Angeles I did yeah uh I lived in the Lafactory offices I lived the so I was in the back yeah in those little fucking bungalows I'm on a bunk bed for three years are you kidding so you you were there when I was there yeah

really yeah I mean I always went there you guys, you don't know this across the street actually from the Lafactory, Jamie Bade, Masad, the Badey study here. The he has these bungalows that he owns. There's a house and then there's a A bungalow, right? Or two? There are nine. Nine bungalows?

Nine. Okay. There are 140 square feet. And but one of them is really nice. Bill Dawes was really nice His that's where he lives. Yes, that's what he lives below me. Really? Yeah, he tried fuck you fuck now Didn't try you did bitch. I always I never was home. He's get the fuck does that mean that is the you know she fucked him now I wasn't home that much I mean, that is the, you know she fucked him now. I wasn't home that much. That's the fucking stupidest lie I've ever heard of.

I was busy a lot. No, but I really didn't, but I did hear him try until five in the morning with several girls. It was really funny. I'm like, he's got a big piece. I'm like, understand she's not, you went too late on this one. Like, you should have gotten her drunk a little

and then gone for it. Yeah, he's got a big piece. He's got stick pace he does what are you fucking are you in jail what the fuck happened to you Kelly he's got a thick piece look at my tits even now mother fucker raise your hand go ahead Joey I looked up the breast larger than one or the other wait what is that what did you say you have a stroke well you know what I would fix your mouth if you have a stroke. A little nervous. It means you have cancer. Yeah.

Now, here's what it says. This is from Zachdach. He's trustworthy. He's much better. He's much better. It is not unusual for one breast to be larger than the other. Breast asymmetry is associated with rapid growth spurt prior to enduring puberty. That is, it occurs between the ages of 12 and 18.

So you're fine. Zock dock. There's no one rest, can I give you? Can we have a jamma one? A jamma sighting? Can you give Joe the spandana for that's fine? So you'll find line that didn't work.

And then he went right back to his phone. Can you jamma that in Joe's mouth? Yeah, please. So he can talk correctly. Confidated and he had a stroke. So you live in the bungalows. So there's these little Jamie gives them to a comics, right? Yeah, well cheap cheap rent. Yeah, I mean there's no hot water What yeah, you know, pussy stinks. No, no, no, we went to the gym a lot You so you can't fucking wash well, we would take really cold showers and laugh about it a lot

But yeah, or we just go to the gym every day you should there's not a knob you guys didn't turn on no promise promise that's illegal I know but technically he's not supposed to run it out really it's not he doesn't have it he doesn't have all the paperwork what about the one in the back that's separate from everything that one oh I think that guy that guy, oh, they actually trained dogs. No, it's just a couple of lesbians I live there. It's a nice place. The one in the back.

That one has. That one's nice. It has a kitchen. It has a backyard. Well, we all had kitchens. Well, we had a sink in a fridge. You had no stove. What did you eat?

Serial eggs. We had a hot plate. We just eat eggs every day what the fuck were you doing how much is the rent oh we paid 250 each month I would pay that okay yeah okay it was the best my roommate would come down and I would look at videos of cute puppies every morning she'd come down and snuggle with me in my bed until nine and then we go to the gym. And you'd wash your bunks. So you hang on one second, Lewis, you're right.

So what? He's about to do it. That's insanity, little said in Lulie. That's crazy. I didn't know that many. I thought there was like two people that lived back there. How many? There's nine bungalows. Nine bungalows in that big house.

And some are double occupied. Correct. So it's like a hostel. Yes. Jesus Christ, you guys are paying everything. It was so fun. For the left factory. Yeah, we were.

It's not the first of all. It was fun. But there's a point where that's Kind of I was like I'm an adult Leave yeah, you need to leave and not eat cereal for time today and wash your box without fucking go to a crunch gym How are you? Yeah, we're not home right? You go to work. You go to do comedy you work as people I do comedy. That's my job. I know but Anyways, what we what was your job out there? I worked at a gym. I worked at sports at the L. Oh, so there you go

So you work you went you went there showered at your job. Yeah Really did they think it was weird that you just show it at the job every day Thank you everybody would everybody came in to work out when you went on a date though What if you come home from work? You work at a gym, you're probably working out. And then you come home from a date, you have to shower and do, like, get made up at the gym because you can't come home and do that. Right. So that's just, you're coming out sports club of lay, though, it's like, really ritzy. Is it? Yeah. I mean, the women work out with, like, done,

they're like done. I look, I looked worse going out on a date than they looked to work out. Really? I see that going up, running in Kenya to brow to makeup on. They look like they just went to an Oscar party or they're walking up a fucking hill and 102 degree weather, yeah. I'm like, just go do blow.

You know that's how you're getting skinny. You got blow? Dude, what the fuck happened? You can fire? Are you swore-stop-of-the-fucking-comp business? Skinny you got blow Dude what the fuck happened you can fired Are you forced out of the fucking comp business I got 23 years of catching up to do But I wanted you called the cops business. I did I do that. I do I make words up That's crazy baby. That's crazy and now you hear what brought you here the base will show really? really yeah so I we were getting you came all the way here for a mediocre podcast that is fucking I wouldn't even say mediocre I'd say subpar oh shit I love her more no y'all that's fucked up play it I'm gonna take my

bone out my he's the one who is the state here for a subpar podcast it's called I'm not gonna get funny. You're gonna get funny here. I'm not sure, maybe 2040. I don't know. I'm kidding. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. No, I mean, I wanted to be funny and you can't get funny in LA. What are you gonna get funny here? I'm not sure, maybe, 2040, I don't know. So, no, I'm kidding. So, you brought your whole gear here just to do the base fillup show.

Base fillup show and comedy. That's crazy. And what do you live now? I live in Chelsea. No shit. Yeah, where? I'm going to go under, not to support me. How do you go from a fucking $100 a month's shack, Shanty, with no hot water?

That's frugal. I just don't spend money. Really? So you have money. I have money. You have a nice apartment. Now you have roommates. Well, I live in Justin Silver's place because he's went to LA.

So I think I'm gonna say. Do you pay him with blow jobs and hand jobs or cereal? I think he's gay. So, I've always said that. Guys, can we not think and just know at the point with all the stories about Justin and then he trains dogs. What more do you need?

That's not a lesbian, I don't know what is. And you guys have fucking made out before. No, did you ever hear the story about Justin? What do you told me and Big J that he did five gay things? Oh my God, please tell me, please tell me. We were on the road and Justin's like, yeah dude, I did like five gay things. And he calls me every day to tell me a gay thing.

Well, what is it? He did. We're like, what? What do you mean five gay things? And he's like, all right, so. And then Jay's like, no, dude, don't tell me. He's like, why not? Jay's like, don't fucking tell me

Yeah, I want to tell you it's funny Why does fucking lose it just surprised me He wrote them and Justin he just does great fucking voices Jago's you do you do you do you do Justin talking to wrote down? Hey, man, give a brother no Justin. I don't have a brother Get away from me here gay. I'm like, I just like the jerk eyes off Why speak dude dog I speak dog You know what I think we do need you lose

So listen he goes you guys it's like wow, I'm gonna tell you it's funny Jay's like it's like dude no don't tell me if you tell me I'm gonna have to tell everybody So don't fucking do it. He's like dude. Well you wouldn't tell everybody we're friends. Why would you do it? So dude, I'm gonna tell everybody so yeah story Bob you weren't listening I'm listen. I'm totally listening. I'm gonna tell everybody, I don't tell anybody, we're gonna tell everybody, go ahead. That's it, that's it. What's the five gay things?

Jay wouldn't let him tell us. So you opened up with the five gay thing story about Justice Silver and then you never knew the five gay things. Never knew him. What the fuck, stories at? Well it's probably hand job, blow job, anal. Two more jokes. Job, and two decorating. Two decorating things at the same time. Bueno, es probable un trabajo, un trabajo, anal. ¡Tú más de dos, y más de dos, y más de dos.

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Carifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. man. I was a fat man. You're really a fat guy voice. You really do drink something. Fuck man. You dry mouth, demi-moan motherfucker. Damn. I think I'm too young to get that. So I can't believe you live in his apartment. When he comes back, do you stay together? Like do you stay at the couch? Do you cuddle? We watch TV together on the bed. Get your mouth out. I'm gonna push you away from me. Get lost. Oh, we got it. We got it. We got it.

We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it.

We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it. He based it to the icon. I just want to drink turkey to your side.

I'm going to jizz into this turkey based. I'm going to need a strap of the icon and then drip the jizz in my mouth. Oh, my dog. My dog likes my balls. Watch this trick. Well, I think that's clearly Bobby's fantasy. No, he's not a real. Well, I think that's clearly Bobby's fantasy. Oh, no. Ah.

No, he's not a friend. He's a friend's house. He's his other friend. His other girlfriend's house. Yeah, girl, quote unquote friend. I know. Justin is a Justin gets some broadsman. Yeah, he does.

Justin, no fuck around. Me and Justin are fucking. Yes, he does. Not you. You're a fucking with somebody, you don't. Now, back in the day, how will make sure your dates are right, asshole? Dude, my dates are always right, I don't cheat on Beatrice.

I know you don't. Wow. Wow. Mom, dad, what happened? You getting divorced? Okay, can you never part your hair to the side again? Like the great Gatsby? I fucking nothing really great I

Never thought I'd get the fucking bandana for a great Gatsby reference believe it or not anyways So you stay in his apartment is all shit there no no, so it's your shit Yeah, it's my pet you're just you're just hooking it up. Oh, so it's your shit. It's your pet. It's my pet. You're just, you're just hooking it up, while he's mostly an LA. Right. Trying to get another dog show. Please God, let me, let me have fame back for another fucking

one. Which by the way, that's a really nice apartment. Yeah. It's very nice. Really? And it's a, it bums me up because I asked him if we could take it when he was an LA and he said no. Why?

I don't know. But you're looking at it. I'm very keen. Yeah. You're looking at it. Yeah, I live with a fucking chicken a baby. And a shy dog. Yeah, all those things make me want to go with her a chick in a baby in a dog There's no fucking appealing or a chick a blonde chick a legs black guys. Who would you rather go with? Chicken a baby in a dog

You know what Lewis you're right So how long have you lived in in New York now Because I just met you a couple months ago. About five months. Five months, that's it. All right, so there you go. Brand new. That's great, that's great. Well, welcome to New York. Thank you.

And what do you plan on doing in New York taking over? Riding the wave, I guess, I don't learning. Really? How long have you been doing comedy? Three and a half years. OK, Kelly, how long have you been doing comedy? In the city, three and a half years. In total, 21 years. Okay, Kelly, how long you been doing comedy? In the city three and a half years. In total 21 years. 57 I look amazing. Okay.

This is fucking terrible. I know. This is the worst. You can't I listen, man. I hear you talk, Kelly, and I just look at Joe, and I can see his fucking BDIs You look a little Asian today man. Yeah. Yeah. My hair is back and I have a fringe. It's sexy way. Oh yeah. Mmm. And what's your name again? Rob, maybe. Okay. I did your comedy festival this year, the Dark Comedy Festival. Can I be honest with you? Yeah of course. Oh boy. There we go. This is the comedy festival. Can I be honest with you? Yeah, of course. Oh boy. There we go This is the comedy festival. Let's be clear that Lewis could not get into the pool. Yeah

I can't really this is the one I got this one I got turned away from oh We're gonna talk about that after do we already talk about that? No, we didn't really talk about all right We'll talk about it after the break, but I want to get into you a little bit first your your submission tape finally arrived your submission tape finally arrived. Hahaha. Hahaha. We, uh, yeah, you run, explain to people with the dark comedy festival is the most poorly named comedy festival in the world. I was fucking lazy as hell on that, but I actually African American comedy festival would

have been, but I like the name. Yeah. I like the name. It's simple. Like, you know, it's simple to explain. What would you have named it if you had a, like right now you have a second shot. No, it's not very creative at all. Not a second.

So you'd name it the not very creative at all, that's the whole thing. Which would make sense with the lineup this year. How did you come up with this? It was just basically, I mean when you live in Canada, you just have to do things to fill a time, right? We don't have like an industry that you guys have here. So you kind of have to make work yourself.

So no, there's no other company festival in the world that kind of tailored towards that type of comic like at the time when I started it. One second, take a sip please. Yeah. I'm using my voice. I need to breath. I need you to wet that whatever the fucking thing is so that it doesn't make me want to fucking stop the show. And stick my head to toilets. I literally want to go drink toilet water right now, just a few. Go ahead. Well, I did karaoke with this fucking Neanderthal yesterday,

so that's why I lost my voice. Don't call Kelly in the end before. That's a... Did you have? What you guys did karaoke last night? This is an oaks. Can I tell you karaoke's the only thing they scares me? I don't get scared.

Do you get scared? I would never do it. I gotta be drunk. I get, well, I don't have that option, because I'm sober. I'm sober like I But uh, yeah, I get nervous like I get scared my face gets red my voice shuts down and I get him Maybe we should bring a karaoke machine here

The The, that hurt. I, uh, the, uh, yeah, I, I get fucking crazy. I can't do it. I've done it. I've done it. This video of me doing it, but I get so scared. The only thing that makes me have stage fright is karaoke. I mean, I get, because it's something that you're not like used to doing.

But you, genuine stage fright. Yeah, dude. There's something something I think because I wanted to be in a band my whole life I've always wanted to be a drummer or something and I've always thought so You can't pull us between anything that you say because it's like You can't pause between anything that you say because it's like You're not break down my Joe's funny. I get it. That's why I have him on the show you fucking dumb Aussie See no defending there you go Joe. Yeah, I got Bonnie and Clyde head fucking explain to me why Joe's funny. I get it I sort of Wikipedia So it. I still don't Wikipedia. So listen. Yeah, I get I get I get fucking petrified. Like if I went with you guys last night, I probably would have done it if you guys were doing

it. But like you have no fear. You don't give a fuck. But I I think I can sing somewhere in me. Like I think I might have that ability. But the way you know me and Rob may you can't sing we both have gravely fucking sand head voices Didn't you do musical theater? Yeah, but I'm using sing dude. I've heard you sing something for her right now from musical theater go I want to hear you afterwards, Bob. Okay, ready good I want to do one that I haven't sang before though. I always do the same ones. I always do laym is I always do laym is alright What about something from Greece? I want to do one that I haven't sang before though. I always do the same ones. I always do laym is I always do laym is all right What about something from Greece

You know I don't know Greece that well. Well, then you're a faggot stranded at the driving stranded but a fool What will they say? Monday at school. Sandy, baby, me, me, you can sing together. We do it. We're like Voltron.

We can do it only together. Mateo, what's your name? Mateo. Mateo. Mateo. By the way, you can pull up Teriyogi on the computer and get the actual music behind you guys. Yes.

We're not doing that. Go ahead. We need him. But fucking Morning Zou show go fuck yourself sing laym is and get it on put a rig and let's do this Yeah, the put a rig and singing laym is Bobby you sound good But you're out of breath in between every line of the song cuz I get nervous. You're like, I don't Tell you Sit lose it. I can't see you want to stand when I sing I got him. Can you dance to just sit down? No, I'm gonna just get into it Boy, then dance dance is a thing when you're sitting down You need to really project from your diaphragm. God God you fucking Jesus Christ. You're wearing a diaphragm

Joe list is on fucking fire you give him two seconds. I'll give you a fucking nice hot joke right? You've made about your mother's content I think it's the hat. I think that hat has super powers I said we started a little slow today, but now we're coming around go ahead sing a dumb song What do you need? What do you need now What do you need? Now bring me prisoner to 4601 Your time is up in your peroles begun

You know what that means Yes that means I'm free No! That means you get your yellow ticket of leave You are a thief I sold a loaf of bread You robbed a house I broke a window pane My sister's child was close to death. We were starving, you were starving, yet unless you learned the meaning of the law.

I learned the meaning of those 19 years, a slave of the law. Five years for what you did, the rest because you tried to run, yes, two far six, I won. My name is Jung Velshungson and I am Javel do not forget my name do not forget me two four six oh one that was from 12 years of slave That's fucking great. You put a rig in Jesus. You love my musical theater. I fucking love it. There's nothing better than fucking after school programs for juvenile Puerto Ricans where they teach them things like that. I bet you know how to fucking build a shed too. I know a lot. I can juggle. Big clowns coming to my school and teachers had to do like I know. I had to do I know I mean what did you go to school?

Did they have any mimes that could teach you? He was. It doesn't matter. Yeah. That was a joke of the day. That was a good point. Let's not get here. It's not oh, we still have another hour left.

Yes, although we do. Would you go to Spofford? I went to North Rockland High School, but my middle school is when the clowns came in. And then they touched me. The title of your biography. Louis J. Goldman. And I was never the same. I was very angry at his sense.

When the clowns came in, by a real last minute. But I played drums in advance. Sprints told me he wants to start a Ryayakaz band. Real young Joe was in a band too. Yeah, I was in a band. What would you do? I sang. What would you sing? I sang what you sing

Song the kind of songs I was never actually in a band, but I would I sang when In a garage with people playing instruments. What the name one of the songs you like to sing TNT by AC DC. Let's do it. Yeah, that song sucks. Come on man. I could sing something better. No, do TNT I like that one. That's a great song. I'm a power load. I don't know all the words. How does it go again? I tried to explode. No. Wow that wasn't bad. I'd love to watch you explode. Wait I could say that. I don't know that was a ton of a weird high note. Maybe later. Don't we get the music for it? Well I thought you just fucking yelled at him for bringing up that same idea

it is a boring zoom now I have you're all I'll pull it up sorry I'm losing my thoughts guys just not kidding I don't want it I don't want it um what am I gonna do that what am I gonna do for an awry cash band you're not in the band why is that a zylo phone you can be a man of the question

you can look like a sparkly dress and do backup. You're not. I'm not fucking doing backup. I'm fucking. I'm not doing fucking backup. I want to be in the band. The triangle. Oh, no.

No, he's a designer. No, I'm the fucking drummer. Okay. Are you fucking? You don't have to play drums. TNT. I'm dynamite. Health know how to play drunk TNT. I'm dynamite Bills that's not bad

Black I hit the sack it's this along. I'm glad to be back I just realized that he has AC DC voice That's a calling I'm in baby. I like it. Hey Lou. Hey Lou. I'm new You can do fucking a AC DC voice and Fuck it. Oh, fuck it. Ah already To do do already doing AC DC. Yeah, do already counting off before the band starts playing. All right. We got one Shit to Hurry and all right here we go. I'm gonna play bass. I guess I don't Play bass, but I'm gonna try

Love I'm only in this band cuz the heroin and the weed in this band because of the heroin on the weed. I'm gonna play the fucking, this chick's tits is driving me crazy. Anyways, yeah, if we're gonna ride a cast band, I'm drums, that's it, that's it. You can play something else. Oh, dude, I don't play something else. You fucking just tell me you're a master magician. You can sing you magic tricks Fucking asshole jungle you jungle That's our background. Yeah Kelly Kelly's one of the backup singers. We have mora just up there with a fucking a

Mora Mora My name is it mora mora. Mara. Mara. Mara. Is it Mara? Yes. What am I saying? Mora? Yeah. Yeah. Same shit. Right? I say Mara. M-A-R-R. We're doing a boss and I'm doing a New Yorker. I call it Mara. Is it Mara or Mora? It's Mara. Mara. Mara. I can't say Mara. I can't say Mara. I can't. The hybrid between both the Alexa and I can't say Mara. I love you tomorrow Joe does sing good. I think Joe's the lead singer. Why don't we have Santa Claus? We never see Santa Claus. What's that? Who's he? Nobody cares a smidge when you live in an orphanage

He's a real-ass dude Oh, the niche. He's a real ass dude. He's a real ass dude. Hi, let's take a fucking break. We're gonna take a break with you guys who are listening and watching this live. You guys stay tuned. You don't have to go anywhere.

We're gonna join the volume down so you can hear as fucking talk racist and all fucked up and try to coax one of these brods to show us a tent. So stay tuned. We're gonna come back in around five, five fucking minutes, okay? You are listening to Proper Kiles. You know what dude, broadcast on rightcast.com. Y'all what's up, niggas?

No! No, no, no. Read the edge. Read the right, read the ad's right stupid go. This isn't hamburger fisting, this is my show. Read the, give me the ads. If you guys, it's a holiday season and what are you doing during the holiday season? Besides stuff in your faces and eating turkey, you needn't ham and all that shit. What are you doing?

You're buying shit and you know what you don't want to do. You don't want to go out to the mall and deal with all that bullshit I'm having to wait in lines and deal with strangers and deal with bad customer service So what are you gonna do? You're ready to do it? You're gonna go to Amazon calm because the greatest website in the world to buy Anything you could possibly want to get How this holiday season you're using Amazon already, but here's what you can do to help out the show You can click on the link at riotcast.com slash Robert Kelly and bookmark our Amazon link. This is the YHWD Amazon link, not the Hammer Fistly one, but if you're a fan of both, you can try it. No, no,

no Hammer Fisting. Okay, sorry. So, uh, bookmark this link, make all of your purchases through that link. And guess what? Every time you do that, the YKWD podcast, I mean more Robert Kelly will say, we're not gonna say the whole podcast, but Robert Kelly gets a kickback and it really helps him buy gifts for his family. I don't fucking buy it all goes into the show. Do you see the studio you get to use everything? Well, kind of use because you fucking break shit and you have bad breath. Nothing mouth covers. Your money will not go toward mouth covers for this studio. We'll go through a mouthwash for fucking Lewis Another lunch so go to wires on the show. Maybe a lunch. I offered you to lunch every week and you don't take it

That's because I kept it through his time. You know, I got to go. I got a spot that show life spots and they're gonna ride cast.com slash Robert Kelly click the Amazon button before you shop bookmark that link make all of purchases, this holiday season to that link and tell your friends to do it too. That's another thing you could do. If you guys aren't spending money, if you see a friend buying, why do you give me a wrap-up suit? That's a good idea. It's a good idea to get them to get their friends to do it though. Okay, go ahead.

Yeah, get your friends to do it. I, you could fuck it. That's what I, how. Also guys, go to gameply.com slash YKWD. GameFly.com is a Netflix for video games. You don't need to buy video games anymore guys. Why would you do that? Who would do that?

I don't know, people have a lot of money. In this day and age, people don't buy fucking video games anymore. That's not the way it works. Stop swearing at every other sentence. Don't buy fucking video fucking fucking games. Not fucking how fucking works. Sign up for the 15 day 2 game free trial at gamelight.com slash ykwd. We are giving you something for free. Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Happy Kwanza Motherfuckers. Because from the ykwd podcast, we're giving you a free 15 day 2 game

free trial for gamelight.com. It's a 2295 value. Guess what? For fucking free from us. Boom. You missed. Boy. Last but not least, guys, make sure you go to tweedaudio.com and use the promo code, dude. Tweedaudio.com has the best affordable

in-ear headphones on the market. They have nine different styles, different colors. Listen me, here's one thing I'll tell you right now. If you don't know what to get your friends that you don't like that much for Christmas, get them a pair of headphones. You don't have to spend 50 or 100 bucks on Scow Candy or Beats or any of that shit. Tweet.oatio.com. These things fucking last. I have 18 pairs myself that I just rotate between because I like them to match my outfits and to my mood for the day. What? You have 10 pairs of black ones. She's going to the right.

The fuck else you wear. That's what I do. You guys can buy 18 pairs too if you want. But make sure you go to Twink.io.com. Use the promo code, dude. You get 33% off free shipping and a limited lifetime warranty. Dude, dude, dude. And we're back.

What's up? All right, check it up. Thank you for listening to that bullshit. Really came to say good job. Yeah, I'm not your fucking dad that died, but good job. Fucking always looking for approval. I wish you were. You do? Yeah, I kind of am, dude. I kind of do take care of you. You're my little boy. You're my little show, you're real. You're my little Puerto Rican boy. You're my little humble.

Puerto Rico. Boralico. Puerto. Puerto. Puerto Rico. Puerto. Puerto Rico. No, it's been to Peru and Turkey and Kuwait and Iraq and I was also at the marathon bombing

this year. You weren't a victim. You were having fucking clam chowder. Nine bucks away. I was a victim and it fucked me up. It wasn't a victim. He was a survivor. You heard that.

That's what it was. I couldn't remember what I was. But now the answer is no. You haven't been there? I'm a survivor. Here too. Here at the boom and he was like, someone just won the marathon. I've also been in Norway in Germany, and I've been laid by multiple girls

What not at the same time but over the course of my life like right almost 30 girls How old are you way harder, but I was trying to be you know Are you 12 I'm 31 years old good number. I'm ours a bitch With you I know why cow head doesn't like you She called you a child she was just fucking with you. She was she yeah, she I got you back, Joe. Thanks, buddy. I appreciate that.

I got your back, if anything ever goes wrong. I got Morris front. Not physically. How's that? So what did he certainly do? That's great. I just covered my tits. That made my tits called.

That's a bully. Show him you'll get free drinks. Really, do you get free drinks because you boobies? Fuck yes. And because I have a vagina. Yeah. You show you a bully. Show them you'll get free drinks. Really do you get free drinks because of your boobies? Fuck yes, and because I have a vagina.

Yeah, I love that. You show you a vagina to the... You don't have to show it. Yeah, show them a vagina in public and probably when we throw up. Yeah, it shows you more for your drink. Yeah, the buffet, you just whip your pussy out. Move.

No. So you show your titty, what do you whip? One titty out of two. No, I don't show a titty. I just know that I have them. Oh, you do. So you get drinks just because of your tits. Women get drinks because they have tits.

Have you ever showed your tits to a bartender to get a drink? Absolutely not. Kelly? No. Lewis? Yes. Oh, I've showed my penis for a drink. I did a Jimmy Buffett concert.

And at what's the old club that stopped? Bowie Poetry Club. That was an open mic. Well, if you showed your name. Bowie Poetry Club, if you showed your dick, you got a drink, a free drink. So I went on stage and did that. Who ran it, Modi? If you show your dick, I'll give you a five minute spot.

And that's it. Because I'm doing 38 minutes. I'm new stuff Well, we got away from my story to do that very very inside Not even a good though Accurate there's a decent impression that four listeners got None of them in the room by the way to two of them Jewish. Oh, I like that Myra is a bit like a bit of a bitch though, but I just don't think you like you don't like women that like we'll bite back though.

Lou. That's not true. She's not nobody's attacking her. She's attacking like a bitch. No, she's not. That bitch is not. I don't even mind the show is it's all you fucking two fucking cons do is attack. Yeah.

You two at the table like fucking machine. Why are you doing it to me? I'm not sure. I'm going to say You two at the table like fucking machine. Why are you doing it to me? I'm not joking. I'm yelling at him but I'm just saying you two. I got a three-year name. Don't buzz that one. But we have each other's back.

Oh right. Yeah, fuck you and fuck her. Shit. It's my only non-white friend I've ever had my whole life. That's a lie, Dad. Whenever a girl sticks out for herself when she's getting shot on, he's going, you bitch. That's not true.

Just kill your bitch as a way of like first of all I know I'm on hang on hang on one second first of all you can never say first of all again because you never have a second of all Second of all you do it again. I'm gonna throw my fucking comedy award at your face Comedy what right in the middle of the day comedy award. Yeah, I did None of your business what is it? I'm gonna talk about it later. Go podcast to first. Did we get a comedy award? You didn't get shit. No, it's all of ours. You don't do the shit on your own. I Should Should do in a second. Go ahead. What do you got what do you say first of all? I've known more along with anybody else in this room has what the fuck does that I know she's a

What does that do? I am I think she's not a bitch. She's just She's a hole right now What was it I missed it? I liked it. I like support it. He said she's not a bitch. I said she's a hoe here we go Well, is that a song you and I T. Y? You and I T. Y. You and I T.Y. You gotta let him know or something like that. I don't know it. What?

You're not Queen Latifa, Unity. Are you getting some fucking police stories? What are we doing here? We're having a fucking make up for the dents. We're talking about dits. He probably is fucking killed people and not told anyone about it. Listen, I'm getting to fucking...

I'm getting back to the sun and I'm sure of it. I'm getting back to Bucket. I'm sure of it. I'm getting back to fucking tomato. Right? Give me a fucking chance. I gotta give every they're all new to the show. I gotta go to this fucking dumb Canadian and let him fucking whisper out some horse shit for a second. And then I'm gonna go back. We're gonna close up with fucking tomato tomato. Fucking Danny D'Amato, whatever his fucking name is. How dare you call him a attractive. He's a fucking Danny.

He is fucking, he's not a 10, he was a 10. When he had a gun in the badge, he was a fucking 11. I think you're sexy. I think you could pass for Spanish too. I am, I'm really gonna get into the cul- Oh, I thought you were Italian. Now I'm Dominican and Czech. Oh wow.

I'm afraid of that. Oh wow. Demand. I'm afraid of that. Goddamn, I can't even film. How old are the Tullys? The blue magnet. You can fuck Kelly right now if you wanted to. You could fuck Kelly right now if you really wanted to. I don't.

Nobody really wants to. I just have Kelly. No. But yeah, I mean, yeah, you do, you've killed somebody. No, I never did. You never shot you again? At the range. You never shot at somebody. No, I never did you never shot you again At the range you never shot at somebody. No, you're a dark holiday. What did you what did you do you ever hit anybody with your Patan? I'm at wider Yeah, you did you crack somebody's head. I used to work in the Queens task force and back then it was

Our roll call was you had to be six feet or better. It was all big guys. There was some smaller guys. I'll tell you. Six four. There was some martial artists in there, but our job was to basically go where there was, you did a civil unrest, and you'd go there and you break up the crowd. So you come out with. Black dudes.

Yeah, a lot. We used to do this place in the Queens called Trafalica Square. That was a nightmare. Trafalica Square. Really? And they used to have these red parties. A thousand people in the street.

One night we showed up Six cops in a boss and when our boss was called shaky G. He was a mess How the fuck do you not have and a movie would score sezy? Anybody what did you get in the business a week ago? Fucking why couldn't I couldn't talk about it until I see a story about Tricolo Square with shaky G the boss Not have a fucking pilot Eric Rivera has a pilot just don't be in fucking Guatemalan. I Couldn't talk about it until I see I was always good. God tells him about shaky G So he just says to us we're standing on his corner and he goes nobody else is gonna show up Let's walk down there and see what happens

That with a thousand people so I went up to the first guy and said, listen, dude, I'm going to tell you to take a walk. And then I want you to turn around and slug me because I'm going to line the duty. You ready? Then I walked the way I came back and said, take a walk and then he started walking. I said, where are you going?

We had a deal. We had a deal. And then they moved. What did you want? You wanted to get slugged? I wanted him to, yeah. Why? Because I wanted to go line the dody what does that mean?

I don't know what that fucking means don't talk to me like I wanted to I wanted to get hurt It was it was being I was being ironic with him I really didn't want to hit me But I wanted him to know you better walk because otherwise you're gonna, you know, we're gonna make you move all right I scared him by saying that all right, so that was your intent. Yeah, I didn't want to get it I didn't want to get it But I was listening was that guy as confused as we were 10 yeah, you didn't want to get it. I didn't want to get it But I was was that guy is confused as we were

Yeah, we're having to let story in a long time, right? Listen, nobody nobody wanted you to come up I'm gonna go hey, I want you to fuck I'm gonna say take a walk and then you hit me in the face. I'm just gonna walk I don't like your accent. I don't like your beatie eyes I don't like your hair parted down the middle and feathered on the side I don't like your hair parted down the middle and feathered on the side Fucking cop just hit him. I got a run right now Oh, man, yeah, that's it your story. So anyway, he was shaky G That's no, no, no, no, it's my but justine. I'm gonna say his last name anyway We shake don't say any last name shake you chicken shaky G call you need to erase that

I don't erase anything you're erasing this. I don't think he's a right. Why was he shaky? He just that's a time that you get to somebody who's who's supposed to be in charge, but they're more nervous than you I had a lot of shake a cheek gene that we had shaky B somewhere else shaky your boss. You're supposed to be in control I like a big thing. Shake you Jay Fox here That was a fucking shaky Shake it. Hey, that's fucked up. So do you ever get shot at? No.

Do you ever get your ass handed to you? I'm a lucky man, I'll be honest with you. I never got beat up either. That would be my, when I see these cops on the cops shows in their chase in some fucking dude, and then, and you know, they look a little overweight, you know, little fat motherfuckers with thin arms, and I see them chasing this guy.

My biggest fear is like, this guy's gonna turn around and go, let's do this motherfucker, because you can't shoot. These guys know you can't shoot them. You can't shoot a guy. You have to fight a motherfucker. You have to hit him with your club or take him down and restrain him.

You can't just shoot somebody. No, the last thing you wanna do, honestly, is shoot somebody, because it's a whole world of shit. You don't wanna get involved in that. So I would, I can't even think somebody. No, the last thing you want to do, honestly, is shoot somebody, because it's a whole world of shit. You don't want to get involved in that. So I would, I can't even think of the amount of it. Maybe twice, I've, three times, I broke the whole, I took it out.

But, but I was going to my hands. So if I wanted to do something to somebody, and get restrained them, I was going to use my hands first. And it's once you take your gun out, you only got one on hand. Plus Mark was a body builder. Like he was jacked.

Where you jacked? I was in decent shape yeah. What happened? What happened? What happened? What happened? What? I'm the kid you got man.

I got two kids, everything and you're gonna be 17 and 14. What the fuck go, how do you go from that life to being a cop? You got a boat right? What'd you say? You have a boat? No I don't have a boat. Okay. The cop gets boats, I didn't know.

No, no, no. That was the thing. You retire, you get a boat. Like Danny Glover and fucking, okay. So you get two kids and- Two kids, 16 and- And how long you been married? 24 years.

Holy shit brother, that's a long time. Yeah. Fucking hey, everything good at home? It's like 23 except way more. Everything, everything good? Yeah? It's like 23 except way more. Everything, everything good? Yeah, you love being married? Yeah, I mean. I mean.

What? What? Well, I was looking at, what did you say? She hates me, that should be, my wife hates me. That's it. Does she hate you? I think so, yeah, pretty much. Why, what do you do to be hated besides your accent?

Cheats on her. Not. What the fuck is the way? Listen, do you watch it? Did I jump in when you said I don't cheat on Beatrice? No, I left it. I didn't say nothing. You all stood shut.

Now all of a sudden. And I know your wife. You never even met my wife to be saying that. I'm kidding. Jesus Christ. No, I never saw you. I know it. Dude, you're on camera.

You fucked the beard. This isn't just audio anymore. We just I never saw you. I know it. You're on camera. You fucked the spirit. This isn't just audio anymore. We just caught you winging. It's another podcast. She won't be listening to it, right? No, no, no, fuck it. They always listen. Listen.

If she tried, she wouldn't get eight minutes in. You're fine. We've let out all the wives. So I don't understand how you go from being a cop to comedy. Well I started out acting. I was doing a theater and then... Not theater. You're doing a play in Queens. Now I was part of the 13th Street rep.

I started acting. No shit. Yeah, I started. I had a couple of, yeah, I was doing good. You were doing county while you were a cop that way. Yeah, yeah. I've been the whole time. Really? But I had a couple of, yeah, I was doing good. You were doing county, why you were a cop though, weren't you? Yeah, I've been the, yeah, the whole time. Really? But I had a whole other act.

You couldn't talk about being a cop. So now you can. Well, because Kenny from, from Open Anthony. Well, that was one of the reasons that that made me never, fucking crap, he got fired. He went up and did a dumb cringe humor show. Someone recorded on this stupid phone, I think I believe it was on their

their camera phone. And then shitty one too when they first came out was a flip phone camera and went on the internet and got fired. Yeah, but did he have an enemy or something? It sounds like he stepped on his dick or something because who would do that? How would they know he was a cop anyway? He talked about it on stage. Everybody knows he was a cop because he was on ONA. You know what I mean? But the shitty was saying in his comedy act wasn't it a retaughted joke or something? Yeah, you know, it just didn't reflect being a cop.

I mean, so somebody, I mean, yeah, I mean somebody definitely, Vince August right now. Look at if a guy can shoot a guy, you know, and get away with it. You guys have that blue wall of steel, what's it called? Plus you got other cops that are jealous and they may want to turn around and all you need is one boss to go, hey, I don't want you doing that anymore and you got to stop.

Right. And the funniest thing is the last five years I posted, I was an instructor because the inspector of the training unit saw my comedy tape and he pulled me in. I was in a detective squad. You can't get out of a detective squad. It's impossible.

They're low man. They don't have, they need bodies. And I got out of a detective squad and I went to the training unit where I had steady days off, week, steady days weekends off. And I never had to put my uniform on last five years. Really, what did you train?

What'd you do? Nice to train detectives. Do it to do what? Well, you know, you got to go for OSHA, you know, and the- Plant the gun. E-O. White fingerprints off.

Yeah, yeah, that kind of stuff. Yeah, oh, that's stuff listen This what you're doing you shoot him out of fucking you don't mean it You're gonna take a little gun and put it in his hand White your prints off the bullets too stupid, right? All right, I can get fucking fingerprints with my iPhone camera now, okay? Yeah, that's fucking crazy. He should have that training. Laura, do you find him attractive? Yeah.

Who's the hot, who in order, how would you go in this room? J.J. J.J. J.J. J.J. J.J. J.J. J.J.

J.J. J.J. J.J. J.J. J.J. J.J. J.J. J.J. J. Post is amazing, Jay. In the room, no girls included too, because I know you're going to pick a girl first,

but you can't do that. Okay. In the room, where do you go? I'm going to go. I'll shave usually more. Wait, what is this? It's just a good arm. Hold on, is this the date or is it to just have a...

The bang? This is the bang. I look good girl body. Do I know them and go on personality? Yes. Well, that's a little unfair if we're going by personality. Yeah. And teeth.

Right. Watch out with those teeth. Who said that? You were you. Was that your line? No, it was me. Oh. I was so happy for you.

Oh boy. All right, go ahead. ready? Hang on one second. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, good. Mark. I have a bigger penis than you'd think. I know, it's thick. Bobby.

What? That's fucking luck. Clearly she wants to get away with a crime and get back on the show. That's clear. You know, I have a very good podcast too. It's called Thursdays with Murray. What is it called?

What is it again? We would never have a Jew on. Anyways. It's a who's third? Who's third? I'm not into Bayasses, but you're not the last person, Chris. Look, it's like a small ass. Can I say they're tied? Yeah Joe and and dry mouth They're basically the same dry mouth Bob. That's a weird thing. Yeah

You just basically said I'm last go fuck yourself more Just because you're like my brother. It's weird. I'm nothing like your brother. I jerk off to you all the time brother I jerk off to you all the time. That makes you exactly like your brother. Why do you think this is a comic and lived in a bungalow because we're going to show it at a gym every day or brother fucking try to tie. So you got him first. Now let me ask you questions.

Let's just get into this. Why Mark before me? Is it the hair? Because they're tall and he's teeth are per... Not fat. My teeth are fucking way better than his. He's tall. Why bother?

No, when I first met you I said that I would fuck you Okay, I'm out. I'm good with that you're arguing why you're not no, shut up stop Let's talk about Lewis's breath. We're arguing why you're not number one. I want to argue in while you're on the list He's bald. he's fucking shapely. He's shabby. He's shabby. What the fuck are you doing? Did I walk into those younger guys on the other day,

Bobby Kelly was just eating fucking grapes on the vine. Like a fucking old time like, like, ball and brando in Apocalypse. Where was that? It was like those younger guys. Lewis was just visiting. Of course he was. I'm not cool. I'm not cool.

I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool.

I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool.

I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. I'm not cool. with this wait yeah help me trash me fucking what is that even a trash that would be a that would be a good thing to sketch you do look like marlin beno he's the he's the guy who plays Darth Vader when they take the helmet off right that's not him you piece of shit and i've never heard that before you heard it from me yeah i haven't heard it on fucking

twitter from nine hundred oh and eight fans oh stop it noran said that to me fucking ten years ago i had had a, uh, I never heard it. I used to have a jet one of my first jokes was about Darth Vader and that guy, can I tell it? Yeah, please. Please bring the show to the screeching hall. This is a screeching hall. I brought it to where it is. It's not a bitch. No, he held it be what's wrong with you. I don't know, but I think it was as fat than you now.

Whoa. That's not true. It's close. No. I don't like that. He's he's held in bond to us in that last one. It's close, Fatso. Can you fit your hair?

You look like you have a fucking six month year old hair. I know. I shower then put a hat on. It's very cold, though. You're fucking. You do have nice hair. I got great hair, but right now it's for a better hair move me or him well This isn't a good hair day first of all that all that I know what he has the bangs of a fucking baby, okay?

His hair. Could you tie that a little tighter possibly? The bangs of a baby that doesn't even make sense it does make sense. It's just a littleeration You thought you're gonna get a laugh on a littleeration Tell him what a iteration is. I know what a iteration is. You're a literate. What's your comedy award?

I'm kind of open it right now. What is it for? Here is the box for the comedy award. I, uh, I won 2012. It came in and I just got it just in time. I got it. Oh What is it? It's uh, it's a dildo. Lewis don't touch it. Lewis would stick this in his ass. Lewis, if Lewis won't run out of the shiny, if Lewis won one of these, he would definitely try to sit on it. Just fucking put it right in his face.

They didn't let Lou. I might too though. This little shiny part in the bottom. Wow. Looks like a big vikin' in. That's like perfect for your ass right there. Right? Yeah.

Fucking almost. Seems a little big for an ass. Right. Speak for yourself. Right now, right there. You can get a nice view of it. Right. Speak for yourself. Right now, right there, you can get a nice view of it. 2012 Best Comedy App Podcast. No, my one for my app, my comedy. I have to go change my bio on my website, one comedy award. What?

Central. Best. I don't like to eat. You actually did the thumb pan to my mom that too. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Who gave you this award? Comedy Central, the Comedy Awards. Comedy Central gave you an award? Kelly Comedy Central is a network on television. Specializes in comedy. I don't think they wanted to, to be honest with you. Oh boy. I did, speaking of Comedy Central, I did that David Tell show last week. Oh, where I saw you.

I know. With, which was, David Tell. Have you ever seen him before? Wow. Wow. Hang on one second. The worst part is I was expecting a big laugh. David towel. Did you ever seen him before? Wow I got one second the worst but as I was expecting a big last Yeah, well, we were two you fucking floundering asshole I have you on fucking throw those snickers out every fucking five seconds. I'll keep it nice and loose

All right, yeah, I went to the you know I Nice and loose. I'm definitely like. You should. I gotta go. So. Oh, all right. Yeah, I went to the, you know, I did the, a great show. Great idea, great show. It's kind of like, you know, I love that they're bringing, finally, they're bringing Uncentric Comedy back. Because for how long it's been clean,

right down the middle, witty, you know, monologue comedy has been what everybody wants. And now finally they're bringing back dirty, uncensored, say whatever the fuck you want, swear, talk to the audience, whatever that comedy, which I think is, look, I know that I have nothing against alternative comics, so I have nothing against joke writers or clean comics. I love Ryan Hamilton. I think he's hilarious. Gary Gullman is one of the funniest guys in the fucking business. But I think that there is something to what we do. We go to clubs, small clubs, 100 to 300 seaters, and we make people laugh. And we talk to them and we do our jokes.

It's just this comedy, stand-up comedy is more than just going on late night TV and standing and delivering jokes. That's what it was every once in a while, that's what it is. That's what it was in the 80s, early 90s, and then it changes. And now it's starting to change again. And they had this awesome show,

Comedy Central put it on, David Tell hosted. It was very free. David was like, say whatever you want. Fuck with me, I don't give a talk to the audience. That was I gotta, to be honest with you though, I'll tell you, I, I got a little nervous. I had something, there's it, there's it usually when I do a TV show. I like to just go the fuck on. I don't like to hang out in the room and watch it. When I'm, when it's my turn, let me know. I want to hear my name and walk the fuck out.

I don't want to fucking stand there and watch the guy that goes on before me. I don't want to sit in the room where they have to, can we do that again and break and it just builds up this anticipation that I don't like. Even when I do shows in the weekend, I don't watch the show. I come out seconds before I'm supposed to go on and then I walk up because I don't want to see what the fuck you just did It fucks with me a little it gives me anxiety or it makes me anxious. Maybe you should stop bringing Kelly on the road And Those a slow roll because he said he doesn't like to watch the acts before so I'm saying you could I should have said Lewis I could have said Lewis Jesus

Good thing Don't fall for what she's doing That's a good point. She just she just tried to fuck with yourself It's the we all laughed and we laughed not only once but we rolled into another little chuckle at the end It was a very unique laugh you got you're right this fucking twat when I didn't know what it means I was just trying to you explain yourself. I know, I feel bad because he's like a wounded fucking dog. Can I say something?

We give Joe a lot of shit for a tiny mouth. Yeah. And it is disgustingly tiny. I'm not gonna like hear him. Yeah, no, I'm not gonna like, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna,

I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, Joe. Kelly's mouth. Yeah, I don't know Noticing it's like fucking her teeth come to like weird fucking sharp points. Yeah, like I don't even understand how she could give a blow Joe she should be fucking chewing a tree down and making a damn Beaver mouth I break this for and half years. I'd like to get them back You just put your lips over your teeth. It doesn't matter. Where's Miguel's father? We need braces for Kelly. We've got to fix your rotten tooth in the back. Get some, get whatever food you ate last month out of it. You store food in your tooth like a squirrel.

You're on the subway, you fucking hungry. You just suck it out of the back and not, too wordy, I get it. Listen, I'll tap out. Who's your good teeth? Hang on one second, are you okay? I'm really suck it out of the back and not too wordy, I get it. I'll tap out. I'm gonna suck it. Hang on one second, are you okay? You're so really great, Tee. Bob, are you alright? Yeah.

Okay, good. Dude, those are your teeth that you f**king with me. Yeah, another bad. I got it. They're not good. I have wool feral mouth. I got it. No, you have feral mouth.

But Rob's got tattoos all across his chest. Let me see. Can I see it? Yeah, I mean, that's... Oh, that's my phone size. Wow. You know, that's a weird thing to take a picture of. Let me see.

I feel like we're no longer tied with that. Let me see, let me see, let me see, let me see. Like, come on, Betty. Come on, yeah. Everyone in the couch, take your shirt off. Let's take your shirt off. Yeah. Let's take a picture.

Show the camera right there. Show right there. It's right there, right there in the middle take your shirt off. Let's do the hair show. Yeah. Let's do the hair and show the camera right there. Show right there. It's right there, right there in the middle. It's fine. I'm just gonna stay right there. You can see it lean in. There you go. Right there.

That's cool, man. You get a nice chest. Let me see your cock grip. What? What? We old. Somehow. You mean, if you have a state that fucking award here, asshole.

Somehow I ended the one that shows their tits the uh... you for that yes so last week show was pretty uh... lewis cats was great a towers great i had one good line when he introred me i hope they leave it in i said give it for uh... david tell he dresses like he a locksmith and the lock is what holds everything together. That's the key.

I killed it with the linchpin. Well, so I, I, um, yeah, it was great. I got a little nervous though. To be honest with you, I fucking went up and this is what I hate. And I always, what was that? Were you getting food out of your tooth? No, that was actually, that was your weird breathing. That wasn't me.

That was you. I thought it was you to the beef. No, it wasn't. It was something with the recording. Was that you? That was you. That was you, Bobby. No, it wasn't. I know what you were.

It wasn't me, but that was the... Bobby, the sprung a leak. It wasn't me, man. I know that wasn't me. I feel like I need to patch your lung right now Body to give himself as a tricky out of me little fucking Chris scub will just got a voicemail from mom Sexy mom, let's what did mom say? Here's a picture of what it's for Lewis That's so I have a mom so it's good

Lose is mom is dead Lewis is dead and mom and Lewis has no fam. It's almost Christmas. No, she basically committed suicide in heroin You're a son. No, no. You're going to spend Christmas with me. Yeah. I remember it's family Christmas with me. Boy. With that you chick and a kid.

But with me, Kelly was chicken. That got me deep in the fucking vowels. It's almost Christmas. Are we doing a cigarette Santa for Christmas again this year? Yeah, we did a Yankee swap as we did. We're doing a Yankee swap. No, that was ridiculous last time. It killed.

Everybody loved it. I love it. We're just macchi. I wasn't your idea. It loses mad that he didn't get the fucking cock can opener. No, I got to, I still have them. I have two New York Yankee yellow Christmas mugs. I have the cock can open, right there.

Where is it, by the way? It's behind the blanket. I had to hide in the house. It's in my house, hold on. The Yankee swap was great. Kelly hated it then, because it wasn't her idea. Everybody loved it. The show was a hit.

We do a Yankee swap. Yankee swap. Everybody brings a gift in and it has to be what? Under 20 bucks, right? 20 bucks. Under 10. Under 10. You know what I'm gonna Bob?

Tweaked audio headphones. What? Tweaked audio headphones. What do you mean? That's what I'm gonna get for the Yankee Swap. I don't care. Oh, this thing suck. You're a sucker.

I mean, you're a sucker. I mean, you're a sucker. I mean, you're a sucker. Oh, shut up. You're not on a network. You're up at standup in New York. Sweetie. We have a great network.

Yeah, you have a great, look it. Let's not get crazy, okay? It's a network. We're on the charts, buddy. You're on A chart. We're number 174 on the iTunes. Yeah, you know, you get there, two reviews, okay? No, it's listeners. No, it's not listeners, it's reviews, dumb dumb. It's actually an algorithm of all of a bunch of different things.

Yeah, it's the BCS. Explain what it is, sweetie. Uh, with your shirt off. Yeah, there actually doesn't really make a lot of sense how iTunes does it, but there's a lot of variables included in how they're in their algorithm of charting. Penicise? Absolutely. That's up there, right?

Grace BabyBangs. Great baby. That was a baby. I'll show you what baby bangs are. Ready? It's almost like a two pay. All babies with hair look like they were in a two pay. Oh, yeah, look, see my kiss.

See, that's what you had. Oh, it looks like a little toy. He looks like he has the same haircut as you. He's like you. Not bad. He has not bad for if you're a baby. If you're a fucking 34 year old fucking man, it's pretty bad. Well, then I got three more years because I'm 31.

Bitch. Yeah. Oh. old fucking man it's pretty bad. Well then I got three more years because I'm 31. Bitch! So explain it's do you know how it works? Can you explain it or is that? Oh you just want to use the word algorithm. I just wanted to use algorithm. I just read it this morning. It's basically to its reviews. If you can get people to review you and subscribe, it's not who listens, it's reviews and... So here's a... And how quickly people listen after you post. Right, so here's a deal.

So if you get four people to review your show and I get one, you'll be ahead of me in the... You'll be 160 and I'll be 170. No, no, you're not. No, she's right about that. I was. The way they set no, no, you're not. That's why she's right about that. I was. The way they said that, they take everything into account. So the amount of people that are subscribing,

the amount of people that are downloading, the amount of people that are playing all the way through, I'm sure as they can do account as well, they take everything, including subscriptions and reviews, and they put it into like their own special little fucking meth metaphor. And that's how I choose decides to monetize as well. So within five days of publishing how quickly people respond.

Yeah, but iTunes is actually, I mean, you can get, they will hook people up too with those news and noteworthy. What's that? I said we are at the age of Philip, we got hooked up. You did? When? Three months ago. Right.

Yeah. So you can get, they'll help new shows out. They'll help. Well, no, no, no, no, it's the same thing though. You'll get pumped into there. No, they can, they can put you in there. No, they can, but I'm saying like we got into it. Once we changed, Hammer Fishing Chains, our, our SS feed. Yeah. Because we, they just counter us as new and we had a shit ton of downloads on the next episode. Right. So it just looked like we were this shit ton to Lewis is 50 Go ahead no, no go ahead finish

Low come on Dead it really fuck you Bobby You're supposed to be one of the fuck you guys who supports the hammer fencing podcast. I grew I would like your I'm having a mom doesn't hurt but that hurts Yeah, talk about my mom mom but not my podcast. Oh, you got it from both of the openers. I think it's like a twist. I think it's like a twist.

Don't let me in with Kelly. Oh my God. We're going to call back. Guess spot corner. He actually just meant that. Please do it, Bobby. What the fuck was I going to say to you? I was talking about David Tells thing. Did you do it Joe? No?

Well if it gets picked up you'll probably do it next year. Yeah, so it was too. Hopefully No, I did do live at Gotham 27 years ago Well, I did access TV. I hosted that which was fun. I liked hosting that was great and it's live which is amazing That was awesome. You did hosting, that was great. And it's live which is amazing. That was awesome. You did it. Yeah, I did. So, um, have you done live at access TV? I did it. Yes. You did the new one. Yes. And did you like it? Yeah, thanks for fucking supporting my career and asking about this. I did it in June. I did it too. I did it. There's no weeks before you. There's no not knowing who you are on the microphone. I did it too.

Between fucking raspy dry mouth between mummy mouth and this fucking this should be a guinea fucking talk. Mummy mouth is the best. I Lose my voice you alone That's at the crowdhouse for every night And you have Joe on your network up there, right sweetie. Yeah, I forget you're here Well come over to the mic Kelly let her use your mic for a sec. Yeah, yeah, come over here What and just tell everybody your name? My name is Becky Becky do you have a boyfriend Becky? No Becky yeah Becky she's got this

Jew broad thing No, she's well, sorry She doesn't even have any Jewish quality. What are you Becky? Joyable to be around? You Lebanese? Oh you hate the Syrian? Holy shit We have to you We all do Wait, yeah, she got to eat the mic too you can't yeah get on to the mic Yeah, you know what she's got and I can't say this without sounding offensive to a woman you have a pretty mouth

Oh, thanks is that weird no, okay? Is that weird to say that to a woman? woman, you have a pretty mouth. Oh, thanks. Is that weird? No. Okay. Is that weird to say that to a woman? No. You have a pretty mouth? I wish I had a pretty mouth. You do if I was a fucking beaver. Hahaha.

Hahaha. If I was a squirrel looking to get more nuts, I'd love your mouth. Hahaha. Yeah. The back is kinda like, I thought you were Jewish. You have very like Israeli head. Hahaha.

What? What the fuck is Israeli head? What the fuck is Israeli head? She seems like she's had a special forces training and fucking has killed a few Arabs. My dad has. Your dad is Syrian. My dad's Lebanese. Lebanese. And what else?

That's Lebanon, Bobby. And what else? What else are you? My mom is Syrian. So you have, that's against Israel. So they didn't kill Arabs. There's a lot of Jewish people in the community. Talker to Mike sweetie.

There's a lot of Jewish people. Too many. Really? Okay. You're not Jewish. No, not at all. Okay, great. Do you like men?

Yes. Okay, do you like women? Sure. Have you ever been with a woman? No. Would you be with a woman? Would you eat with a woman? Yeah.

Would you eat out Kelly for the show? Ah! If we clean it up and shave it down, listen, I dreamt of a... Oh, you got to hose it. I know that. I know that. We're going to do a pussy makeover after the holidays with Kelly's vagina. Okay?

We're going to do it before and after. It looks like a penis, so it's not too crazy She said she knows our wax cuz don't hit yourself in the fucking head It's not a cock Kelly just grab the mic like she grabs cock after a fucking open mic I can back next week He said that she knows our wax cuz he listens to the shower and I took about all the time I'm a waxer you wax you wax too right what you Lebanese of course you do We don't wax you don too right what you Lebanese of course you do We you don't wax. What do you do? I shave what do you shave with what a fucking lawnmower your Lebanese?

What are you were you shave really oh my god? You can hear when you shave your vagina I'm not a comedian really. I don't make any money. How much money does it take to wax your vagina? We'll pay for it. How much is it? I Know that I do place 45 Why are you talking about my you fucking asshole? I'm sharing you know You're not sharing you're not sharing with the people listening how's that 45? 45 hours to share everything to wax your vagina. Yeah, the whole thing. Yeah. As well as for normal people, 30 days.

And that is, that is, because they do her balls too. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Joe saved that one. Hahaha. He saves a lot.

Bob, do you have anything to say? No, I'm good. I feel bad. I feel bad. You're losing my voice. I'm trying to save it. For what? I don't know.

You might need me at some point. I thought you were moving to England. I'm going to in January. I'm going to. Are you practicing? Yeah. See what teeth fit in? Yeah.

Shut up, same mouth as me, fuck you. The only guy who can't say that in the room, a potion living in Ireland. Oh, man. Well, I have a big penis. Hey're posted living Ireland. Oh, man. That's a big penis. Well, may you. How are you today?

Good day, mate. Yeah, thanks, Lewis. What the fuck are you trying to be soda? That was my British accent. Do it again. We had a British offer, remember? I won. No, you didn't.

You fucking asshole. Nigel Switzblade won. Why do you get so angry? You're so close. But how do you know? But she's not really lying to lie. She's lying to joke lie. And you go, no, you're digging, you fucking cunt bag!

I think we are. I fucking parents are dead. I have nobody. You go. That was perfect. He was silent on that. Why do you get so angry? Your parents are dead, and it's Christmas time.

You should be jovial. I am. You should be myvial. I'm not back Joe. No problem. See? Yeah. You're a friend Joe. Real ass dude. I'm just kidding.

Anyway, it's more about my podcast. No podcast, Shmoud. You don't have 20,000 listeners too. We do. No, you don't. They do not. I guarantee they don't. So what's what let me can I can I get my My Rob sprants the owner of

Raya cast to it's called owner Bobby look at well. I don't like to brag look at your numbers to make sure those are correct Can you give him back to our access to see if it's 25,000 back direct huh? Yeah? Yeah, he'll be able to see what you're seeing. Yeah, okay great I love is that a month or is that every Monday? That's the most recent episode so one episode gets 25,000 It's grown hang on one Look, oh, it's used the word organically again. I swear I'm gonna make out what you're fucking mouth I love her mouth isn't it so awesome. It's. I wish she would use it to talk and do a mic.

Talkin' to mic, come up here. There's no way, there's no, I'm gonna get Rob sprants on the phone right now. Thanks for wanting me. Why does it bother you so much that Joe's having some success? I want him to have real, I don't want them lying to him. And then somebody finds out he'll kill himself.

Bob, can I tell you why I think it's true? I'm gonna kill myself. Because I heard that and Hammer Fisting doesn't get anywhere near that many and it really knows me. It doesn't suck me. So I went and checked it out. And it sort of all but like fucking 1500, they didn't went up and then it went up, up, up, up, up, up,

and it's grown. But then I checked out the other podcasts on the network and it's not like all the podcasts have that. Mezzler's podcast only has like four or five thousand that's a great one to it's great mechs are in shaman and everyone that this is your podcast listens to my podcast I know the sneaker but I want fucking have a like that's what you want what doesn't sound like that's what you want you sound

upset about it I just want you to be realistic about it that's all I can't be realistic I don't want this Lebanese and the middle syllable and realistic is list I was gave a Rob Sprez's phone number to fucking every to 50,000 people 52 since you've been on the show. No, we were competing. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding But we are all the time. Okay, you pass me you're off the show. How's that you get? all the time, okay? You pass me you're off the show. How's that? You get fit. Bobby, if I pass you, I'll quit the show. Let me. Oh my God.

So, who runs that network anyways? Is that you? Me and Mark Normans. It's Benji Susswein and John Fatican. You know, I did my first spot up there at your show. You're crazy fucking show, Moura. Thanks for having me. Moura, what the fuck do you gonna have everything? Yes.

This is the first time you've talked to me, John. I'm keeping this. What are you talking about? Have we met before? Yes, several times. Jesus Christ. Really? Yes.

Wow. Where? Stand up at Doug Stanhope's thing thing anything with the word stand in it Doug stand hopes thing Doug stand you were the hanging out with everybody after Doug stand hopes Well, that was in a bar. I don't drink. I get very nervous. I wasn't drinking either. I shook your hand I had your girlfriend there. Well, that's probably why she gets nervous when I talk to girls Anyway, who gets is she does it for for real examples I was just giving them.

Well, first of all, I was only joking about having on the show. I feel like you said this like I'm maliciously, I'm not talking to you. Well, I feel like I have a bit of a reputation of being the nicest guy in comedy. I don't know what this, I'm not talking to you businesses. You said that like I'm big timing you. You could say something to me.

You do big timing. I'm very shy. I'm talking to you right now. I like it. Thank you. I appreciate it. He big, he big-tim big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big- he big Joe's nervous Joe's very I thought Joe's a dick for a while, but then I realized he just Never did What is this well I'm glad that we just got Joe's a fucking dick. This is coming out like me, right? I always like Joe. Joe didn't like me for years and I can't help

Offending me I Name him the fucking my favorite comic to watch an Esquire magazine. That's true I had to do over for me once I heard all great things You didn't even fucking talk to me in at the Wilbur he came in her own and then left and fucking blew me off Was that Caroline's Wherever it was you fucking blew me off a very shy person You're not shy. We're gonna have overhead phones. How are you shy? He talks to me all the time. I'm very comfortable here Everybody talks to you. Joe is looking for a PBA card

It looks to me all the time. I'm very comfortable here. Everybody talks to you. He's lieu for a PBA card. So, yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like you got through that. I met Mark before I met all of you guys. Before me?

Way before you. Really? But I had your sticker on my first comedy notebook. I love you. Hey, so you thought Joe hated you or you think? I did. But now you're okay with it. I'm okay with it.

I'm a very shy person. Especially women. I got to just talk to women. What am I crazy? It's just the hot women. I'm not it. I'm okay with it. I'm a very shy person, especially women. I got to just talk to women. What am I crazy? I'm just a hot woman. I'm not a hot. I'm just not talking about you. I'm not talking about you.

I'm talking about you. She's just a assume she's hot. We're talking about other hot women. I love everybody. Did you think I hated you? Yeah. Great. Kelly, did you think I hated you?

No. You should know. He's waiting for that one. No, that was a setup. A setup man. We should all come twist the night away tonight. Well yeah it's tonight but nobody who's hearing this is going to be able to go. And Lowe you know what we're live.

So yeah. Talking to the people in the fucking room. No but they were live. People can actually come tonight. Oh right. What time is it at? 10 o'clock. At 10 o'clock at Creek in the Cave which is in long island city which is a awesome club

joe list and who else who's on the show yeah joe parra gary veter to del exam whoever comes the shows very silly and lucy whoever's on remember who's there and the real thing is the dance contest is a's a dance contest at the end. Oh, what now? A dance? There's two teas in that word. Sorry, I had fucking Joe Lismouth.

One of my teeth, my tooth got hung up on another tooth. Ha, ha, ha. I got a key. Ha, ha, ha. You do two contest. What are the contest? It's a twist contest. There's not two contest. What are you talking about two contests?

I just have to fuck you. It's one contest. It's a twist off. Mark Norman and Mad Dog Matter judge. We all dress up. It's silly. Lash your peggy. A leery one. And what do you do? What's the trophy? Your twist. For what? For fun. You fuck fun. What are we all doing? What are you saying? This for it? How do do you twist show me? What do you mean? You twist a little bit? Come on, baby. Come on. I'll sing it for you. Stand up. Show me what it is. I'm twist I'm twist Ready twist with her Twist contest. I literally had a moment that I thought Louis pulled my chair out and this is a whole thing You're like right around hour three. I'll fucking sing a song if Lewis had one funny bow to his body

Would have done that but he's just fucking sitting there going what else can I say about Kelly? Now and you had a great show Lewis. I think you're one of the four funniest people have ever met I think you're the first compliment. I think you're the fifth funniest person in this room That seems a little I mean no, I think I'm well tonight if you're around go over to the Creek in the cave at 10 o'clock And you can what's the trophy? What do they get is it like my trophy? It's a considerably better trophy than this is a real do you have this I have not held that pass it over Joe what time is it someone wants to know what time that's a beautiful trophy him but I'm like at the same time that Legion of Skanks he's got the exact same venue where someone's happening to my

podcast now just do it don't fucking fight me and push the button fuck fuck when do I get to hold the trophy having him fucking it's like I got a fucking I'm gonna have to find somebody doing well today You're doing great, but don't have him put people have said you hoff and puff when you fuck up Don't have him I have anger issues Well, I lose them on the funny show I'm going to Alan we're talking about it We'll go to Alan before you do the podcast and produce the show because if I'm home up a heavy trophy for 10 minutes and you're fucking wearing a podium for the dance hall meanwhile Lewis your show is getting

done. Don't have a stand. It's sure that Lewis is supposed to have a show on it. Yeah I'm supposed to have a show on the cricket and the exact stand time. Your show is getting bummed by a dance contest. At a comedy club. That's what you want at a comedy club is your comedy show. Yeah, I just said that. Because of a dance contest. That's similar to what I just said, but yeah. Hey, yeah.

Let's go. Don't look identical. Anyways. Anyway, are you going to go to Mayo? I'd fight someone if they want to fight you. Are you going to go? No, probably not. I'm going to try.

I don't know. Watch it go and do security. Get a deep. I got a gig. I got a gig. I have a private in Queens. What firehousehouse you doing It's actually it's for fish fish people that go fish. It's for fish

What's the fight you doing there's this fishermen that they're Christmas dinner right and Yeah, I'm doing it really yeah, that's great look at these hands. Oh, what are you doing tonight? Really yeah, that's great. Look up at these hands up. What are you doing tonight? Gushing right now, aren't you Kelly bartend twice a week and bartending tonight? Can you never announce it on my show again? Yeah, just lie we don't make money. Yeah, I know but don't tell us about it. You just bummed everybody up And that where do you bartend? No, at this all it's an in crown heights. It's so I'm the only white person I know it's really yeah, heights, it's so I'm the only white person I'm a hight. It's really yeah, who gave that job Dante?

What do you know? Yo, yo, just but yo come by you You're a job at my friend. I can't breathe to a well. I got a bone in my uniform Yo man, you got a pimple bitch slap her down and come on her face and teach her who's boss Dante is a very funny comedian and a good dude come on her face and teach her who's boss. Dante is a very funny comedian and a good dude. Oh fuck, are you doing? I love it. I don't know this day.

What you're making fun of my friend Dante. Yeah, would you? Dante is the best man that I know. We just had a lot of fuck both of you. You know two men. She's just Dante and Charles Manson. Come on baby. I do the twos.

Around and around. Anyways, before we go, I was talking about Dave's show. I thought it was great. I just want to say, look out for Dave's hotel show. It was fucking great. Louis Katz killed it. A lot of people we know are on it. It was fun.

I did good. I felt like, all right, I felt kind of guilty. They gave the best gift ever though. They gave you this bag. Here, this is for you. Oh my god. It's for you. This bag.

Yeah, we got it. It just wasn't funny. I actually didn't get it. Can you please pass on that? Please, it's a quick one. I thought it was a calm best gift ever. Kelly Fistuka. I thought it was like calm best gift ever Kelly for stucco. I thought it was a good weird

Reverse psychology this you know when somebody's blood sugar is going down this fucking jackass I really hold on you're itchy hungry. You need a cigarette in a soda. I haven't eaten anything today I know what the papalas don't wait keep we just watched him eat berries right? So you actually have eaten something today literally We watched it when we went down to the right you're absolutely right. He fucking did so he's a liar He's a lying asshole Plus he ate a couple times on the Just a fucking Mark tomato fucking take a yawn

Like this was the English class and we're just about take off take off. All right. You're good man. I'm great I'm this is it this was the English class in where I just I cofted a coughed a good man I'm great. I'm this this room could use an English class Mottomato we uh so anyways they give away a GoPro I open the bag it's a GoPro hero 3

that is sandwich no it's sandwich hero three which knowledge ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha saving it the fucking use drink olive oil why did you so yeah great gift great show and uh... fucking whatever anyways i'm fucking moving on let's just end this cock suck and show what you get mad bobby i got mad why do i get mad i got mad at me not you what i'm not a mad at me i'm generally concerned about you know what you mean that why you spitting while you speak? Because I fucking have problems. I have problems. I was like, who was that?

I wasn't going to do it. I, I, I, I, well, I, because I brought up this whole thing an hour ago and then I tried to bring it back. That was very stupid of me. And then I was like, oh, we got good gifts and you guys all looked at me like you should. Like who gives a fuck fatty with tired?

Well, hungry, it's two hours in, wrap it up, hit the button. So let's do that. Good gifts and you guys all looked at me like you should like who gives a fuck fatty with tired well hungry It's two hours in wrap it up hit the button. So let's do that dude mark fucking tomato tomato mark Thank you for coming on bro. Thanks for how you come on again? Absolutely I'd like to get into some more of those crop stores But can you talk about see it sounds like you didn't do anything though I mean you're like you didn't shoot you gun You told the guy hey him and he didn't fucking hit you and then you taught fucking people for the last four years I don't I mean it's kind of you fucking kind of fizzled out. I mean I thought you could have made to just take a plunger

Did you read I mean what I mean did you murder did you see I was like the guy? Can you ever see the show castle? Never he's like a you know why he's my mother's favorite Channel is yeah the guys I don't even know how to show it. He's a novelist a serial killer novelist Is that what you are the mayor gave a permission to hang out with the homicide squad? Why I don't know it sounds like it doesn't make any sense But it's perfect. It's true. That's what I did. I hung out with a lot of great detectives and what you do Rope jokes and I wrote jokes. All right. Why are the headphones slipping off your head are you okay my hair is greasy? Okay, but why are they keep falling off what the fuck is happening you freaking me out?

And I think Lewis had these on before any stress you are you trying not to fuck up the front of your hair? Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do. Okay. Is that what you're gonna do? I don't know because I used to have hair and I used to not want to fuck it up with headphones or hats I think you suppose it to, alright whatever. Anyways, but you never killed anybody, you never shot your gun, you took it out of the holster three times. You never, you never, you never, you never, you never, you never, you never see. Probably come up with some good stories, right?

I don't know, I mean, did you ever see like a head shop off somebody? I seen a lot of stuff. What was the worst thing you've ever seen? I saw a car accident with you. Ding, ding, ding ding try angle try angle yeah go ahead I saw a car accident where two girls got beheaded. Are you shitting me? yeah you didn't fucking bring this up an hour and twenty minutes ago. You didn't well. What do you want to do? I mean that should be the front store you tell that should be there and then the fucking I never took my gun out ever once twice

I'm trying to block it out Beheaded how they get beheaded what they did? It was on the it was on the van Wick expressway and they were off the overpass and really on the bottom of Wow the Jackie Robinson Parkway and hit another car and We showed up. How did the heads get cut off? The car wasn't a convertible, but then it was a convertible. They lost the heads. So what hit, oh, what hit the fucking,

where they, they went off the top highway and they landed on the highway on the bottom. Right. And the other car was coming in the other direction. And they hit the top of the car and just, they took the roof off and it took the heads with them. That's what happened when you break the color barrier. Yeah.

That's what? As soon as you said Jagger Robbins and everyone was going where to fuck do I find a joke there? There was something on it. I had one but it's dark comedy festival. Keep it clean. Yeah, you're the one that was like you should open with the beheading story. You may have met it before.

Everyone. Just a three-year-old festival naven there one more time. Can you put a website? But to be heading, Stary. You mean, you're mad at me for a fucking half. Hi everyone. She's just a three-fucker, a festival naven there one more time. Do you have people at the website? What if they drive off the freeway? Was it drunk or they just fucked up? I don't know, I forget. You know what?

It was hard to give them a bad price. There's a lot of stuff that you recall after the fact, because you do a lot of stuff where you pretend like it didn't happen. I like that joke, nobody laughed at it. No, it was good. She deserved more on Yeah, she lost self-esteem halfway through it. That they couldn't use hard to give them a breathalyzer. That's not their dead. We got it.

So that's Craig, what did you do when you showed up? Do you make any jokes? We were fine. The female officers that showed up started crying. That wasn't good. They were crying. Yeah, that's not good I don't respect the copper cries. Why? We had to let them go actually the female officers are the ones that responded and then we had a Tom you can go because they couldn't they couldn't handle it really get the fuck out of here a little lady. Oh shit Yeah, we had a lot of markets. I'm worried we got this like Mark just stared more down. Did you see that? I made her look away. He went. Yeah, stay right in her face and she looked at me. I love mark mark actually saved me once from what

What a fucking review asshole No, when I first moved here Just I was involved with some shit before a long time ago this one My ex boyfriend prostituted me at once. I'm sorry. Why you guys? You two, what were you raped by an African tribe on a comedy tour? What the fuck is this?

I'm bringing up awards, stupid the fucking tell. I'm trying to fucking her dumb teeth. I've been talking about his hat. And you fucks, you seem to be heading. You were a whore. And what the fuck did you do, you fucking? Would you suck a dick to get into the country? No, we just wanted to.

What do you mean? What the fuck do you mean? Well, I tweeted that I had moved here and this one pimp who had been following me for a while came and took me by gunpoint and took me down a DC and made me work for five days for him. Would you make? I don't make anything. What the fuck is wrong with you?

You made no money? What the fuck is wrong with you? No, because you were fucking... She was abducted by gunpoint. And now when you're sex trafficked, you hang out with Jesus. You can't just fuck you hang out with it. Someone does that to you. Billionaires.

Billionaires? Yeah, Bill, they gonna jacked up in the head really yeah Billionaires is billionaires code for black guys I don't see Lenny Marcus's crew Get that bitch down here Listen so the by gun point what kind of gun was it was it was it was it? So they by gunpoint what kind of gun was it was it was it was it was a little lighter it could have been it could have been it But it felt like a gun. So we brought you down to DC Bromney down a DC and what you have to do. I drugged you up. Yeah with what I don't know you shot Something in my arm. What is this fucking taken? It what it what really was five days?

Oh listen to me man. I can't believe that five days I have three FBA agents so if you like do you own them? I at their mind That's five days. Fuck, listen to me, man. I can't believe that. Five days, you should. I have three FBI agents, so if you like this. You own them. They're mine. I can call them at any time. Which is really cool. What the fuck, how did you get out of that?

Every morning about 4.30 to 7, he would go get coffee and orange juice. Every day. Like, no, in between those times, it didn't like you would just go to the front desk and grab it and come back. The front desk, what do you mean, the hotel? We have moved us from hotel to hotel.

So you'd be in a cheesy hotel, right? No, it was really nice. Well, great time. It was right before the inauguration. I took the Obama toilet paper when I left. So you were in really nice hotels? Yes. And when you'd have to fuck dudes for money.

Yes, 32 of them I stole a credit card from each one of them. Why was my number and you made fun of me? I know I did that five days son. What? No, I stole a credit card from all 32 guys. Yeah, just take have their information. Wow Why gonna rat them out? It's not there. Absolutely, but it's not there for all. They would just go and get a lot there. I just needed some information. Okay, I'm sorry. It was a small move though. But, but all right, detective.

That was fucking wasn't we had a teach detective because you got out of it. I would have liked that. Really? But in see it, I would have been good at it. Yeah, but every time I've gotten a huger or every time that I would, if I would, I would check my shit. No, they would go shower.

I'm trustworthy. The shower in the hotel. It was a high class hooker. Yeah, that's my brother. Yeah, they would go shower. I'm trustworthy. The shower in the hotel is a high-class hooker. Yeah, they pay me $700 an hour. For $700. Jesus Christ, Lewis, what the fuck is wrong with you? I'd pay 700 for her. I'd $100? Not a $7. I'd borrow $700. It was a 45 minutes technically. So wait a minute, baby, listen to to me I want to know how much you charge now I'll give you 45 you come on the show three times a week take Kelly You replace Kelly and got blow jobs once week listen, so you that you're a deal

So so you you get taken you get shot up in the arm. Yeah, he takes you to DC. Mm-hmm. You're in this hotel You wake up. Oh first in the Washington hotel. Okay, and then you gotta go okay You gotta take off because we're about to find out Mark was one of the Jones What do you got? I gotta go back to Queens again. I said dude. I gotta keep talking about this So I don't want to Queens again, either I said. I gotta keep talking about this. So I can't stop. I don't wanna go. You gotta piss. All right, so you can go ahead, bro. Mark.

Thanks for having me. Hang on one second, buddy. I wanna get all your info. Tell people where they can see your website. I have, yeah, markdomayo.com. I got a one-man show. You talked about all the stories. Yeah.

That you didn't share on my fucking podcast. It's called 20 and out. I'm doing it at the pit every weekend, every Sunday in March Okay, where's the pit the 24th Street and Park I want to come can I come down? Absolutely. I definitely want to I do it's good. It's gonna be all right. What's your Twitter handle brother? Mark Demail Mark Demail Mark Demail Twitter and you got a website

Mark Demail calm make sure you check them out dude fucking. Thank you so much for having me Appreciate it man. I get any time you want to pleasure. You guys are great. You go great, too, man I really I love it that one we bring you hang out with you. Yeah, you'll come back on soon. All right, brother. I'll see you later so listen, all right, so We'll be back in two seconds. I want to get to the you mind talking about this for a minute. All right great All right, we're back All right, we're back. All right, we're back. Let's do this. So more, baby. That's pretty crazy. I can't believe that. So you're, you see you there. And then the, do you know what he's going to have you do? Does he tell you?

Yes. He says you're doing this. Yes. And he said, if I try to escape, he's going to keep following me forever and ever and ever. Amen. Just. And then. So what do you say? Look, give me five days and I'll never bother you again. No, no, it was like you the rest of your life. This is your life. He knew about my family. He knew about like, how? How did you meet this guy? So, some, were you in this world kind of anything? I was in this world like seven years ago with my ex-boyfriend. So he knew you from there?

Yes. So he found you again and said, fuck you, I want you back. I want you from me. Yes. Okay, so it's not like he just saw you walking on the street, you coming out of a... That's how I knew about Merce,

the poor girl in the next bed had Merce that she had a heroin infection, like an injection infection. From him, injecting her. Inject. She had a heroin infection like a injection infection from him jacking her Infection is a great name for a podcast Punk band or the riot cast band There you go there's an injection infection. Yeah, he was touching $700 for that girl like her hand was about to fall off It was so gross, so so he's she's how does he get him in and out of these nice hotels? Why can't you just stream?

Why can't you just go? He's raping me. I don't know. I was paralyzed. Everybody says that they know what they would do in that situation, but I just went, I was like, fuck my life's over. Wait a minute.

So you didn't even think of going fuck, and so he brings you up in the room. Does he have the goon hand on you Does he have other guys? Yeah, he dislocated my shoulder and broke my collarbone and I had bruises But what did you say? You a fucking guys with a broken collarbone. Yeah Jesus Christ. I can't fucking go to the gym with a fucking, a hammy. You're just fucking, what do you, I was, yeah.

Did you have Rob Mayu's voice? If you close your eyes, what's up on your back to that? It was more than one dude, so yeah. Oh, voice, no, he had, he was doing it actually. I'm sorry, I got, it's a very important email, I gotta say it. All right, I'm sorry. I'm not a very important email i go to set it all right

i'm not even a bomb i'm listening to what would like you to be that's why you're on the phone that's why i want to make quips this is a fucking horrifying story i'm not fucking this animal we need somebody to fucking lighten it up this is not a fucking horrifying story podcast show it's a comedy podcast well i'll do my best to make a joke about my friend being drugged and fucking way to change I'll do my best to make a joke about my friend being drugged and fucking way But hey, I don't even fucking know where she is Not me. We're friends now. All right. Well, if I'm a side of you didn't like me I can decide we're friends. Babe, so you're in this you're in the you're in the you're going to the

So tell baby don't sweetie balls That's my fear. So so you you go into this fucking hotel you're all drugged up he gets you in the room Do you guys all have separate rooms? Yes? Well, he's in a room a joining room so cuz he's don't if something goes wrong He's gonna collect the money so right so what happens is that he puts an ad up somewhere on Back page or craigslist or wherever arrows.com ERO heroes so so now you're coming in, 700 bucks. Is it the photo of you?

No. What I've seen, so the girl that trying to see is not you. No, not even. So they show up into like, oh my God. Because I'm like, I'm like a woman and the girl that's on the picture is like, that's a little pixie stick. She's 90 pounds. It was for a real girl in the group, but it was not me.

Well, for 700 bucks. Yeah, she was 15. You were 700. So, so, so the, you, do you open the door? Does he? I don't understand. I open the door, ask for credit card and driver's license, right? To identify them. Okay. And then, because I guess he does some sort of check background check to make sure that it's not police and then I have to call him and say he's here here's the information and then I hang up and then he wears the guy in the hallway or in the room in the hallway that's kind of creepy so there's a guy in a hallway it's a long time to just wait in a hallway There's so he is just waiting in the hallway to fucking and he's coming in to do is he doing

You say what so you're gonna do whatever the fuck this guy wants yes anything for for 45 minutes Right, so your your mentality is get this guy to come and you're done right? Wow Who's your favorite one what? Well, you're gonna have a favorite it's 32 of them Wow. Who's your favorite one? Left up. Ah! Ah! Ah! Wow, you're gonna have a favorite. That's 32 of them. Listen, good. We're gonna have like sweet guys.

Oh, man, what's up to podcast again? International baby, me and you. Could you separate these guys from the whole situation and be like, this is a nice guy who just probably looks like a lad? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, there was one guy that I laughed at him because he couldn't, he was like, try to be sexy and get on the bed and he fell over the, the, the, the board at the end.

Right, right. Because it was weird. And he was like, oh, and I was like, huh. I can't see it. He was in his face. This is the problem with my career. Joe just asked the exact same question, but in a much nicer way. I'm so pissed.

I'm so pissed. There was one guy that was super hot, and I actually saw him six times. Like he bought me six times. So, did you get any physical enjoyment out of that sex? No, no, no. Did you ever be like, listen, help me to any one of them? Yes.

You did, what they say. I'm helping you. Like try to trickle. What they say? One guy came one time and then they all came. Yeah. They did. And uh, nothing on that one.

Sorry Jeff. Uh, and then he came back and he was like, I know you're in trouble. I was like, yes, I am. Jesus Christ. And then he said, well, I can help you. I said, I've got it. I just was in a place where I didn't want anybody's help. Why? Anybody to do anything? Because I didn't trust anyone. I just was in a place where I didn't want anybody's help. Why?

Anybody to do anything? Because I didn't trust anyone. I was like, fuck you. What are you going to do to me? Then if you help me out of this, then where am I going to go now? Do you trust anybody now? Not really.

I wouldn't imagine. You can trust me to not say hi if I ever see you. Is that why you're so cold to me when I whisper dirty things in your ear? No, that's just gross How long ago is this because of his breath, right? You hear smells January this January. Oh my god. What are you doing for the anniversary? How do you turn it on with fucking eight minutes left in the shower? There was two crowd on the fucking couch. left in the show. There was too crudder in the fucking cow show

I was uncomfortable and shit my voice is leaving Christ Fuck not a bad comedian Are you are you in therapy? Do you see somebody regularly multiple times away? Okay, I need to I need to know this though you're 32 guys and then when do you decide it's enough and it's enough? And how do you get on of that? How do you get out of this? He said 32 and where this is all around DC, right? Yeah.

You go hotel to hotel. So give a state the Mandarin. That's a nice hotel. No, we say it's someplace named Red and everything was red. So, so so when do you decide I'm done? I do. I do. And juice.

Yeah, so I stole $100 bill from a guy and threw it in my vagina. And then, I know. Cool. I know. I stole a hundred dollar bill from a guy and threw it in my vagina and then I know Thing you said she was fucking 32 guys Better made to fuck 32 guys You know dirty money Yes, it's really.

So you spent it at Greyhound. So somebody apologized to the guy you gave it to. Listen, this is going to stink. Listen, it's going to smell like. Probably in a frame in his office. The corners are cinched from her pussy. It looks like it's set it on fire. That's too far.

Yeah, so then I, he left and he checks a solvency safer passed out and then uh... wait a minute so you're you're supposed to you have sex the guy leaves and then he shoots you up again to see if you make sure you go out after that it was just a little drink it tasted like feet like it's probably g h b so he get it was chp i don't know if that is uh... date rape job

it's like i've been caught no hang on his stop stop stop, stop. Oh my God. Maybe we should be talking about it. Maybe we should have talked about it when the cop was still here. No, he's the one that that's why we talked about it because when I got back, I called Mark. I was deli, because I had been up for five days.

I'm not super convinced that it's not what I'm saying. It's not what I'm saying. It's not what I'm saying. So you're in, so listen. Let's get up here. So you're in that you're in this guy's, see how many girls is he how many girls does he have with you? Is he you and another or you know he had multiple girls, but we didn't get to know all the bits So this guy's coming in rolling in he's buying hotel rooms for more than three girls four girls

Yeah, so he's growing it with these girls. They're all look fucked up. How does how does one of you not go? How bus how does one of you not screen checked in and then he would come and get us one at a time? Yes, so you're what do you have a van? Did he I mean how did he get over Mercedes? So he where would you be you bet the other hotel? Yeah, so you're at the other hotel You passed out because he gives you a date rate and sometimes you would take us to clients Like sometimes you could open the door and just run out of the hallway and say, you help me. No, because when we weren't really, I was not, I was

lucid. I could see what was going on. But I was like, oh, I couldn't move. So how much money did you get out of this? Did you, I mean, was he giving you guys anything? Nothing. It's all, you got nothing. So it all went to him you were just there was nothing right now currently from wrong this sounds like there's not any fun involved you didn't

get to watch Murray at all like during the day I didn't get to see the inauguration either so went so here you are you you put $100 a pill in your vagina. You're saying I'm out, I'm gone. This is done. And then what'd you do? I went down, he left and I, he went to go in orange juice and coffee in the front. I took out off, went down the emergency exit,

went out the back, made all the alarms go off. I didn't care. I went to the, I took a cab to the train to the bus station. When did you take the money out of your vagina in the cab? No, in the... Oh my god, it's still in there now! It's a great magic trick. And then, because I had the last guy like five hours before. And then I grabbed a bus and went home. Why didn't you go to the front desk of a hotel and be like,

I just was not in a healthy, like I would have been awake for five days. I didn't know what I was doing. This was over five days. This was five days of being in the hotel. 32 guys in five days. That's a record. The personal record.

Yeah. Not for Kelly, but for most normal women. So it's about six and a half a day. That is fucking nuts. And then I mean, it's very sad to be honest with you. I'm very, I'm very sad that that happened to you. Really? And you seem like a real, since I've met you,

I've only known you for a couple of weeks, but you seem like a very sweet human being. Thank you. And I couldn't imagine somebody grabbing you. And that is just a horror. I know we're all fucking joking. We're trying to make light. I mean, people are listening.

I have to sell fucking Amazon stuff, but listen. That's hopeless guys. Christmas time. But, um, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we He probably is you walk out you walk out and he just shoots you in the arm of the needle and drags you in number say these So is there an ongoing investigation? Are we supposed to getting this person? Yes, so wait Let's before we I know Joe always likes to go to the end because he hates fucking going through anything Well, I want it to be fucking I know I'm worried about this fucking He would I would feel way worse if you didn't put me last in the list of guys that you fuck I didn't put you last

I tied you in last. Maths last. Okay. So anyways, so you're, so you get in this, you go down a bus and you go home to where? I go home to, just these other places. My friend, Jaffandie's house. Jaffandie's house.

And he's an Irish guy, right? That's black, black woman. I am. You should not know how people named Jaffandie, you wouldn't be in these messes. I know. Stop it, that's not true. Yeah. I have a lot of fucking friends that are black.

Name Jeff Fondy. Well, with crazy names and then not listen, anyways. So you go, you go to your girls house to sheet. Did anybody miss you? Well, we're on the road so much. I was traveling with Dove. So you were a comedian in this happened. Yes.

You would do and stand up. You were fucking. This is January. You were traveling with Dove, doing comedy shows, and this guy comes up out of nowhere and fucking shoots a needle in your arm. This is crazy shit. This is fucking crazy.

You should go to jail. Did you, did you, did you, Dub David off. Should go to jail. Yeah, you should. For that act. No, they're trying to find out. Yeah, please.

I got dead. the girl was a fucking I'm my hoodies on my head it's off. I'm sitting on a piano Silver It's great anyways no joke go ahead Wait, but I feel like we could be able to get them. There's a silver Mercedes. You know what he looks like. He's a DC. No, I have shit to do tomorrow. Can you settle down?

You checked into 150 hotels with multiple women. But anyways, I want to know you getting a bus. You go to Jimondi's house. Yes. She makes maple syrup, right? Hey, Jimondi. I borrowed her phone and called Mark and asked him what to do. So you knew Mark as a cop.

I mean, fucking, why are you still drugged up at this point? Yeah, no right now Every day she called mark Demail I don't do that anymore I don't want to know your name. I'm like mark. I said hi. It's Mara He's like okay. Well tell me the story So so what is he do does he the guy who helps you? you see the guy that puts everything into play to get to get you know he just told me to go to the police station and then I did he gave me the advice is that you're a morque yeah my

cops I think anyone would have told you to do that I know I'm not you're all would have told you to do that you should call the police partner what that's what I do don Don't talk to strangers. What's his name, the nine-year-old? Gary. Gary McGillicatti. He's from Winchester, Massachusetts. Oh, but this podcast just got good. You're talking about I was bringing the heat early.

That was all right. At Lewis's bringing the heat. It was kind of as mouth. Stand up Nework like that the one that defended your breath before listen so he so you call the cops and what do they say i went in there and sat and talked to a detective then human trafficking came in

and then uh... they sent me over to the fbi and then i did a whole rape kit blood kit and did you have did so that it's a whole new sweatsuit do you have aids they give you a a whole new sweatsuit. Do you have AIDS? They gave you a, no seriously honey. No I don't. I know. No listen, because that's, that's, we have to be fucking regular.

You have to be careful. Never mind this craziness. You don't know who the fuck. Did they use rubbers? Not all of them. Oh! Jesus, Lewis, can you settle down? That's only $700.

I'm saying for no rubber. That's a good deal No rubber is $500 more. Oh $1200 that's a lot $500 for no rubber so Jesus crazy. Can we get to the point of the cheap? So My girlfriend's $500 I make that deal.

That's what you're talking about. I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500. I'm gonna make that deal. I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500. I'm gonna make that deal. I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500. I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500. I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500.

I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500. I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500. I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500. I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500. I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500. I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500. I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500. I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500.

I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500. I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500. I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500. I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500. I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500. I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500. I'm just wondering if I can give my girlfriend $500. I mean, this guy's still out there. You don't know anything. You just, you got your life together, you move to New York, you live with Justin, you started doing, you just went back to your life. So this guy could show up anywhere. And should you take you back? I dare him to at this point.

Why protection? Because they haven't been able to find him. And now I'm not scared. Why haven't they been able to find him? I don't know. There's no way he stopped doing it. And what's up with this other girls? Let me say something.

Do you feel, I mean. Do I feel bad deserting them? Yes. No. OK. Because you know those girls, they, they, they were, I'm sorry, loose, but they were opting to be heroinatics. And I couldn't save them anyway.

OK. So why are you sorry to me? Because you're with me, your mom. Shit. So I are you sorry to me? Because you're looking at your mom. Shit. So I'm wondering when you're in the situation of life and death, like you choose your own life over anything else. Yeah, that's what the airports, the airlines see. Yeah.

For just pro-life. Which, that's not my philosophy. When you're part of a team, you're part of a team. So turn your back on it. You know, you don't leave it. Nobody gets left behind. Yeah, you let it go squadden right behind. team you're part of a team ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hours. So you didn't sleep for 30 hours. No, five days. You didn't sleep for five days. I slept in the emergency room for a little bit while I was getting on my blood work done. And this woman was having a baby outside of my room. She pulled her whole weave out like

this whole. I was like, do you mind you? I'm a baby. Wow. And you still barked in and crowned her. Does that make you nervous going to a no because it's a completely different life now? Like that doesn't I don't know That with anything right now like do carry like a what do you call those? Shank no Taser I don't know. Can you not ever poke me I can hear you you don't have to fucking book with you fake stun gun that I don't know that it's a stun gun I think we can get another hours to a two-parter

I gotta go soon. No, we get a wrap it up. I mean Yeah, I'm fine. Yeah, I still enjoy sex and people and She just passes out fucking puts her legs up in the air. I do have personal boundary issues But you do I've noticed that I like hug you weirdly and you like I'm like not yet not yet. I'm not there Yeah, I'm sorry if I hugged you at the beginning I apologize. No, I'm good work. Good. I'm maybe the apologize for who would you fucking order? Let's get the fuck out of here. If somebody we were all paying you $700 each who would you fuck in what order and cry the answer to us? What the fuck brother? Honest to God, Lou. I mean that was I mean

She's okay with it, but she's not she just said she has boundaries. She's working through it Did I close boundaries just now? Yeah, what she gonna say no you screaming at it like that guy used to she's probably nervous Plus you did the game wrong the game should be 700 is the over under and how far off her down You have to go all right you fucking asshole Animal both animals Tattoo is that by the way steal this tattoo. Yeah, it's a tattoo. It's a still is tattoo you're unobserving fuck Well, you get read the tattoo. No, what kind of moron we get steal that

Come from the guy who walked anywhere the bum equipment sweater on That's actually duff and felps is beyond your level of intelligence What's up there dark horse comedy festival This is a new you up we do real comedy not fake comedy in Canada By real comedy you mean I open mics right? No, technically I don't do open mics Open mics here. Here's can I stop it. It's done all right the fucking tenant the Wimbledon is over okay? What do you a Rob thank you so much for coming on Rob? Thank you dark comedy fest is over right well Yeah, but I mean for the last day then I mean for good right no, I'm gonna do it again

I can't do it. Yeah, but I'm gonna be on right? No, I'm gonna do it again I'm gonna be honest you're I'm getting into Canada you hear that Canada Terrible If you book Louie can you come back on with him? Eish Hey Somebody listen to the show So you know bringing Kelly. No, I just if people is gonna have to draw for so Lewis, you know He was as a drill. No, I just, if people just got to have to draw first. So Lewis, you know, he was as a draw.

No, I was from saying, he's a saunt draw. That's about it. He came in a car with Big J over. All right. Yeah. Big J before Lewis. Yeah.

Lewis is a draw as long as Big J is in front of that name. All right, so it's the draw a picture. So what do you got? What's your Twitter and all that shit? Twitter is Rob loves arguing and the website. I have a website with a dark comedy fest.com website. I'm kind of just making my website because it's easier to get traffic to it.

So yeah, that's a beautiful website. Yeah, it's terrible. I'm trafficking, geez. Oh my God, the promotion, I wanna admit something and I tried to get the beginning. I thought just when they called me up, they said they, I thought it was just for laughs, wanted me to do another couple of shows on the tour.

That's why I said yeah, if if it was you I would have said no That's fine. You don't know me. I don't think that personal. I actually had a good time. It was actually no me You don't know me. All right, so that's a good more. How can we reach you? You can always find me at mara live.com or you can hit me at Twitter at mara There's got any random nice hotel Jesus Christ. Listen, thank you for sharing that with us. That was pretty amazing.

I'm glad you're safe. I'm not kidding. I'm glad you're safe because that's a horrific story. And I couldn't imagine that happening to anybody, anybody. I mean, there's some people that choose that lifestyle. There's some people that go down that road by choice Whether it be drugs or sex or fucked up If I'm the fact that somebody abducted you and drugged you and made you do something you don't want to do

I mean yes, it saved you from a dove David off show I love you I'm so glad that you're out of that and it's it's it's the fact that this guy I hope they catch him I really do I hope you don't stop are you done trying to get this guy? I'm done, but they're gonna catch him. Yes. I fucking piece of shit, man. Really? You're you're you don't even know Really unbelievable. I'm so sorry that happened, but thank you for Thank you for opening up about that because that is it must be hard to talk about it And then you did in front of a bunch of fucking asshole You're a real comic is what that that that's all we have is that the truth and you know That's fucking insane that you open up about that

So thank you for coming on where can we where can we find you? On Twitter on my website maralab.com all my links are there a beautiful beautiful girl very funny I did you show very cool show. What is that it's that stand-up New York, which I love by the way I had a great time up there. It's once a month that stand up New York. I'd love to have all you guys on there Yeah, so what what what's it called? It's called emotional junkyard stand up New York. I'd love to have all you guys on there. Yeah. So what it what it what's it called? It's called emotional junkyard. And where can we see that? On YouTube on YouTube.

Yeah. Okay, so Google that emotional junkyard. Your interview was great. Make that we had a great time. It was a blast. Lewis, what do you got guys? Check out me and Scopo next week. December 18th.

Me, Scopo and Dave Smith live. Comics at Fox Woods. One night only. Okay, no, don't do it again. I'm not done, dude, how you done? Follow me on Twitter as well at Lewis Shay Gomez. Go to my website, realizedude.com. And you can check me and Bobby Kelly out

and has me right through Jersey, January 17th and 18th. Yep, I'm headlining, Bobby is doing a guest spot. You can go up after me. You wanna do that? Yeah. I is doing a guest spot. You can go up after me I'll do 50 in front of you go up after me. Do 50 now you do 20 and I'll do 45 I'll do my best 20 if I can do that. Okay. Yeah, I'm good. I'm free to you Bob You'll do a nice meeting you'd be you probably do good for 10 minutes and then it will just fizzle away Hey, hey guys. I'll do it. Hey Joe. What do you got buddy? Hey, hey guys, I'll do it. Joe, what do you got, buddy? Uh, uh,

December 20th, uh, I got Nightmares. That's what I got from this fucking podcast. What if this guy listens to the show and finds all of us? What if he drugs me? Or, look at the positive, Nothing will be worth that mouth. Nothing will make me happier. Yeah, you came to the head with that mouth.

I would know that when we were having a wake up in a room and seeing all of you guys drugged out too and just come on Joe's neck and his beard You can look at this positively. This could be the start of the investigation You could do a YKWD investigation if anyone in the Washington area who's a listener has information Yeah, what Robert at riot cast how calm or something? Are you done? Yeah, okay great They're giving the bandana. I wanna watch it before I go. Why don't you go?

December 20th at the base, my show's been moved. Mark Norman and I are co-headlining a show in Boston. It was supposed to be at the Howard Johnson's. It's now at the baseball tavern across the street, Boyle St. Street, right by Fenway Park. Friday night, it's a big show, nine o'clock. Mark Norman, Joe List in Boston.

And then you can check out our podcast on standup labs, on different network, not a rival network, I wouldn't say, but a different network. Well, they're all rivals. And it's called Tuesdays with Stories, and a bunch of you are listening to it, so I'm sure to. Yeah, and please, not 20,000, 25,000, but, you know.

Yeah, and now do that thing where you say the thing about Riotcast that you didn't actually offer me to be on here but I would love to have you on the network all right well maybe I have another I've like a secondary podcast idea that's not not secondary I'll take Murray's with Tuesday's December 20th baseball tavern I Kelly what do you got on December 30th I'm gonna be at the stand at a clock which I'm'm very excited about. With a den cook? No. Patrick booked me some very excited about it. Oh Patrick, thank you very much.

It's nice. I love one of these. I mean, you guys all, we all worked there, but that's great. Good for you. What about you, Scope? Are you working at the stand yet? I played there once or twice. Maybe you're not getting a cook.

I don't live there. You're saying played there. Okay, what do you got? What do you have your banjo? I don't live here and I played there once or twice. Oh, I'm done. What do you got what do you have your banjo? I don't live here and I played there once or twice What do you get scopo? Well, I wasn't gonna invite this douche back to do a show, but now it's over So I'll take it. Yeah, it's on a Joe's got it now So you what you you become very abrasively You know he's got a fucking anger problem. I tell him I go dude funny goes and it's like dude. I don't want I don't want any guff

Okay, I just want you to do what I want you to do I don't know but as far as he if you did good today, but there was a couple times you get mad and go to a million Yeah, go to a meeting fucking eight months sober. Yeah, I got anger issues Alan's I do too. I got them too Yeah, it's so you're angry you're getting getting mad at me for what you're supposed to do And then I get mad at you and then fucking dry mouth McGee This is the worst laugh your laugh is so hollow Who do you go to bed with a fan in your mouth

I Always I'm rich. Do scoeple looks like an erda scope. I'll forget I remember His head was on fire. Look at his fucking face. What do you what do you got buddy? What do you got? I just went Twitter at Chris. Oh, follow Chris He wants to know to follow us and what do I got? We got so check it out. Yeah, December 27th one night only You're in comedy black comedy shop blackstone. That's in North Wontaw, New Jersey The 28th comedy shop pure in Parsippanian, New Jersey. The 30th Mount Ari Casino in Gypsy's Lounge, Mount Poconos. The New Year's Eve, you're gonna be at the tree house, Mohigan's son.

That's a good one. I'm gonna be a critic too. New Year's Eve is gonna be fucking amazing over at the Mohigan's son. K.. You tickets now. It's gonna be a blast Let's meet up afterwards. I'm in Hartford. All right, let's do it. Well, I'm it's long come to me. I'll come to you Okay, come to me mother and Norman's at Foxwoods. We can do a whole thing. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do a podcast Let's do your podcast Bucks pop me shut up Kelly Fucking fuzzistic Aussie. Nothing worse.

Actually, can I promote my New Year's Eve, me, R.I.S. Jaffir and Kurt Medzkar are doing a show at the Royal Theatre in Toronto. That's awesome. Great. Why didn't you book me on that? You were at the Mohican Sun. Good to answer. Yeah, see, he'd been a booker.

Go ahead, what else? I said, he'd performed me. I can't, it was very steady. So make sure you've listened. Here's the... Oh, by the way, it's very steady. All right, so make sure you listen Here's the way you're in San Diego second third fourth and fifth probably that the hotel for that club is at it is world Yeah, San Diego it's the andes dude. It's fuck. Why don't you do with me? Why would I have to do the know me they know Eric Rivera he's not again Why don't you me on the day for God's sake?

I know that you never asked I gotta ask ask you no yeah cuz I yes you gotta say do can I go on a date I want to do this one on that one look at my schedule I already ask look at my schedule find out the ones you want to do San Diego can't air career already get in what then do the fucking Denver I'm dying to go to Denver next time I go to Denver I'd fucking love to do a weird thing in Denver all right well I'm keeping this until then okay let's tell it's one of those nice showers in the center of the room. Yeah, so me and Tinkle went there and Tinkle fucking showered in his bathing suit and he's kind of like embarrassingly showered and I just fucking went in They're completely naked and spread my asshole against the window and press it against the window Like is anyone surprised guys? I got a good name. I got a good one. We got I don't want to you

We got to go when my I got a go. I got a good name. I got a good one. I don't want to you. You we got to go when my I got a go I got to film something downstairs one time I was kidnapped and sold in the sex slavery what really for six days 33 men All right guys check it out. Thank you for what you want to just no just go to Robert Kelly live comm for all my dates And final get my award award winning app that I showed you the award for that it's actually a fucking award. Look at Joe is holding up right now. Robber Kelly app on iTunes it will show you wherever the fuck I am and make sure you follow me on Twitter and follow the podcast on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. Make sure you do that.

Also we're going to be doing another live show soon. I'm trying to work it out over at the Village Underground. And that's it. You guys are the best fans podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcats.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free.

Shire. Shire. Shire. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face.