Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Shane Gillis and Skankfest | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #44

Episode Date: August 27, 2025

Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder go back to the Best of Skankfest with their great friend Shane Gillis, Bobby becomes the slug, Joe is on fire in Houston, Dan and Bobby passionately kiss, who has the better lips, and more! Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz/id1700969607 SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedyhttps://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Fill her up. You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Thank you Perfect Yeah but he's got the face To fucking add to it You have the fucking face You fucking dumb slug

You have the face You fucking retard You slug bitch Shut up You fucking wide eyed Shut up Bobby you disgusting slug Dude dude

You fucking Dush bag Don't do this You'll be called the slug You'll be Bobby the Slug if you keep it up What did you say If you keep talking

You're gonna be known as Bobby the Slug Oh dude Dude Slug Slug Slug Slug Slug Slug You know what? You asked for this.

You got to own it. You got to own it. It's a good name. That's a dope name. I fucking like it. I'm the leader of the retards. I'm the giant bug. Yeah, dude, you just made, you made chain blow into the conf shell.

Assembly. I'm with you. I'm with you. I feel with leader. He said, don't say anything else. Are you going to be known as Bobby the Slug? Ah, shit. Slug is kind of a badass nickname, though.

Slug's nice. Like, it looks like a slug from a gun. No, no, no, no. That's what it is, like a shotgun slug. Not what it means that you leave a trail of slime everywhere you go. How you guys doing? You all right? Okay. All right, let's get the fuck out of here.

Let's call it then. Why the fuck is Lewis late? He was right out front. He did it on purpose. He likes to make an entrance. Do whoever does yell now, Puerto Rico. I thought Puerto Rican, that was so intense. Sparta Rican!

I think it's probably going to come through the middle because that's what he is, a middle. Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. Let's take a moment to recognize that many people have AIDS, and we do not. Well, I do. That's why I lost the weight. I have AIDS.

I get three months to live. Oh, dude, what if that was it the whole time? Bobby had full-blown AIDS. I got the hip-hivers. Oh, my God. And then it's like you and Patrice have conflicting benefits. Yeah. There would be fucking one benefit at the fat black pussycat.

And you wouldn't even show up. Yeah, you wouldn't even show up, Dan. Yeah. Stop it, Shane. Shane, stop it. Stop it. Who would do the benefit? Who would organize it?

You? You? I'd organize. You'd organize it? Yeah, yeah, I'd organize it. Bobby's benefit? Yeah, if I died. Swara's.

What do you, you say, if? Yeah, if I died. Cuck, sucker, I'm not going to die. That would suck if I lost all this weight and I'd just grab my chest. That's got to be a pretty serious toll losing weight like that. That's why I'm... I mean, what the fuck, Shane? I mean, yeah.

I mean, yeah. I mean, for real, your body's got to be, your heart must be like, what the fuck do you do it? Shane, quit pushing him. We're going to find him at a buffet at 3 in the morning. I hate Skinny Bobby, dude. Why? Fuck you. Skinny Bobby sucks, dude. I love, I love mushy Shane.

I had no idea of Bobby was 5'2. You know, he's a little man. He was 6'8 wide. Shane was... I had no idea. We were standing back there. I was like, holy shit, you're small as fuck, dude. He's been so tough all these years

because he spent 350 pounds. Yeah, dude, it was all about leverage for all that time. Dude, fuck you up. I think I did get smaller. I think, you know, it's sad as the back of my head. That did not get smaller. You think it's still fat? Well, you got the back of the neck still holding a lot of weight.

What the fuck are you? I thought it was lists. Throw those shorts out. Oh, my God, that was weird. Just a big white guy with fucking striped shorts. What are you French? Why are you wearing those? You're Polish?

You got good egg McMuffins, the little, the McMuffins, the Polish? No, you like those? You don't like those? Fuck you. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Ladies and gentlemen, I think it happened. I think he's here.

I think he's here. Ladies and gentlemen. Booh. We want shit. We want shit. We want shame We want shame We want shame

The worst The worst entrance I could possibly have You fat You're still fat I don't care that you're skinny You're still fat You fat fucking piece of shit Why would you set me up for a failure

At my own festival? Because you're late You know So don't have me come then Whoa Say hey tell these fucking idiots It's not chasing me down and not stop me from eating tacos to be booed

as people want Shane more than me. They were saying Lou, not boo, you insecure talks about that. It was your name. They were chained. We want Jay. Louis J. Louis J. Louis J.

Louis J. Get up. This is the guy that put the whole fucking festival together. Why doesn't Shane stay? What? All right, I'll stay. Yeah, can I just get another chair? No, Shane is...

This guy just poked me in the back with a chair and it made me so angry. I'm on edge right now. Dude, come talk to the seat. Come talk it out, Louis. That fucking fat, Big J is going to shove a gun into my asshole on Sunday. I'm not happy.

I'm not happy. And then this is the fucking reception that I get. What is he doing? We want Shane. I want Shane to choke on a cock. Damn. Why? Why? I'm sorry, Shane.

It's fine. He has been trying to be my friend this whole time. I'm trying so hard to be your friend, dude. Nothing but niceness coming towards you. Damn, dude, that is your, your golden ticket. That's, that's graveyard nurse energy. Yeah. She's the guys changed the bed.

No, she's just a dolphin's fan, dude. Give me your other person. She's not even a nurse, dude. She just loves the things. Just the teal, dude. She lives in Sedona. Does the golden ticket work at the pants store? Dude, she's...

Chup, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chup, chup, chow, choh, choh. I really appreciate you guys. It feels nice. Lewis is still fired up. But Lewis, were you serious about, like, we could have canceled you off of this? I would, I could be eating a steak at Oscars right now, but I'm fucking here with you people instead. Thank you, buddy. Yeah, thank you.

Oh, wow. They booed me and said they want you. me and said they want Shade. No, no, no. It said Lou. It was. Lou. Lou.

Lou. Lou. Lou. No. No. I don't. Oh, look at you. He's a shit.

Oh, no. He has the power. These cock suckers turn quick, man. They don't care. They have no spines. They have no hearts of spines. They're going to go full howdy-duty on you. Guys, please, please, please.

It's about him. Dude, it's not about me. It's about him, dude. Doggy, I mean, how progressive a Skankfest guy, and we have literally one black person here this year. How great is that? Blacks, blacks, blacks, blacks, blacks, blacks. Joe, Joe.

It happened. No, blacks is good. I'm saying blacks. But it's not plural. It's singular. Black, black, black. Oh, black, black. And brown.

This is a brown. He's just tan. No, he's something. What are you? No, look at... You're Cuban-gloving? So you love America. Hell yeah, dude.

Fucking socialists trying to fuck us up. Dude, are they teeth that white, or is it just because they're the only brown people here that it seems that way? They have beautiful smiles, both of you guys. I love you, doggy. You're the fucking man, dude. I will say there's so many white dudes

that are, like, fat and bearded up that I'm like, are they Puerto Rican dudes or are they just fat trash? There's a lot of fat trash. There's more hot chicks than we've ever had before here. Oh, yeah. I saw her. Not in this room.

In the other show, road. No, you know. And Big J. show right now there's some hot chicks. Yeah, this room taps out at like a six and a half. Yeah, dude. Just kidding. Look at them all mad now. If the average person here is a six and a half,

they're all in the back, because the front is a lot of twos and threes. Best case scenario. Now, meanwhile, this stage is a, just hunks. Yeah. That's right. A bunch of hunks.

Yeah, why would you, this is your girlfriend, dude? Why would you bring sand to the beach? What's wrong with you, dude? Oh, he's the blind guy. Yeah, it's blind Mike. Oh, he can't see. That's the real blind Mike, dude. That's a legit blind mic, dude. Oh, you really can't see? I thought you, I was getting mad at you. I thought he was just staring at me.

There was a split second where Lewis thought he had a problem with a guy. I did. I was like, all right. Dude, I thought he was looking at me all cross-eyed. I was like, why are you looking at me like that, dude? Why are you looking through me like I'm a magic eyebook? How hard is it to get back to the hotel room? That's a guy.

This girlfriend just put a wig on a fat guy? Oh, sorry, sorry. Jesus. Oh, I'm sorry. Is there a fucking line here at Skankfest? Go fuck yourself. Bobby lost 80 pounds in a week and now he's calling people fat, dude.

You goddamn right, you fat motherfucker. Get your shit together, tubby. Dude, I want to see the new Bob is fucking fitness Bob. Or he's just fucking trashes everybody for their fitness. Oh, I'm going to fucking trash everybody. I feel fantastic.

I can't wait till I'm skinnier than you. You'll never be skinnier than me. Dude, I'm almost there now. No, Bobby. No, you're not. Yeah, Bobby, you're not. You're not, dude. I'm happy for you.

I think you're doing great. For real. Don't get fucking real. No, I mean, for real. No, you're not. Bobby's not lying. We didn't want to say it. You are a little bit weeble-wobbly.

Yeah, Bobby, you're built like my aunt. You're what? Aunt. We heard you. Ant. Aunt. No, it's aunt. Aunt.

Aunt. Yeah, you're built like, you look like a peach grimace. Shane, Shane, Shane, Shane. We're here for these guys, dude, don't... How much does Joe hate that? I saw Joe like... Shut your face. Um, well, it's good to see you, motherfuckers.

I haven't seen you in a while. What's up with the beard? Dude, I'm hiding... I got fat. I wish I knew that fucking last year. I wouldn't have got the surgery. I could just grow a beard. just grow a beard. Dude, I love this. I'm so excited for Sharpay Bobby stage. That hurt. That fucking...

Oh, why? That made me feel bad. Too far. You take it too far. Fuck both of you. Fuck you. You tell you. Let me do the Bobby. There's no line at Skank Fest. It does work. Guys, it works. Pretty cool. You look great, Bobby. Lewis, why are you still so mad? No, I'm thinking about... You're mad all day, you know? Well, first of all, I'm trying to hug in

like five times. No, dude, you try to hug me an inopportune times. What the fuck does that mean? I keep trying to hug him and he's like, get the fuck off me, dude. I did not say that, dude. Right, true, but you give off, you give off that injury. Makes me feel bad, dude, I'm here to hug you. Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. It's not real.

Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. I have no problem I have no problem kissing Lewis. Kiss him! Oh, fuck that. Oh, yes. Don't wipe it. Yes. Don't wipe it.

I regret that. Fuck that. Dude. That's not a kiss. Don't wipe it. This is a fucking kiss. Ew. Ew.

No. You get about me. Kiss him. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah. You get soft lips, man.

K. K. K. I'm going to suck his dick for a gold of ass. Guys, the blind guy can't see you kissing. Kiss loudly close to him. Hey, we're over here. Look over here.

Can you turn his head to it? It looks like he's listening? I hope he's like daredevil and he can just beat the shit out of here. That's the legit blind mic, dude. That's the real. Yeah, he went here as a podcast. He's great, dude.

The bro loves you guys. I gave him a golden ticket too, just because he's bull. I found it. I felt bad for him. I was like, you shouldn't have to wait in lines, dude. He can't. What? Hey, do you have a stick? Yeah, he's got a stick. I see it. It's folded up.

That's awesome. Take his stick. Take his stick. Take his stick. It's got to be a weapon. Dude, you got to choose one. Your girlfriend or your stick. We're taking one home. I mean, honestly, what's more useful? That stick or your girlfriend? it really is you can't

dude he didn't even you can't hit your stick with your girlfriend oh man you gotta just go wherever she wants we're going to target again blind mic I know I can smell it

when we walked in Lewis had a good one I got stepped on yeah Shane Shane sort of talking and everyone was like oh what are you going to say Shane

oh Shane damn dude I didn't know we had fucking Marsha Jan energy with Lewis and Shane he's like Shane Shane

Shane Wait, what was Lewis? My joke was funny also. I said that blind guy's girlfriend would constantly lead him to target. It was a funny joke. A lot of guys in here were like, that was good. I've never heard of Lewis's good one.

I want to hear it. Hey, Lewis, you got a good one. Go ahead. You were telling it. You saw it better. No, no, you got to do it. You're going to tell it better. No, please? No. You rate me. I won't cancel you for it.

Dude, your fucking joke was funny. It was great. So I said, I said, what would you rather your girlfriend or your stick? And then he was like, oh, my second. I was like, yeah, you can't hit your stick with your girlfriend. Yeah, it was better than mine. It was good.

It was very good. What was it? He said, you can't hit your stick with your girlfriend. Like, you can hit your girlfriend with your stick. Oh, that too. Oh, yeah, that was good. How was it good one? Damn.

Louis. Thank you. Good night. Yeah. I'm going to retire from comedy now. We know. I feel bad because I said take his stick and now he's holding it. I'm just kidding.

We're not going to take your stick. He can't put it down. He won't find it again. Oh, you're blind and we're not. Hey, guys, guys, Joe, how nice was the flight in, dude? I saw those mountains. Yeah, beautiful. She's so nice, dude.

Beautiful. Did you see the sunset, too? Oh, my God. Dude, I'll tell you what I love, guys. The plane are the plants. Flame attendance on Delta, beautiful. Beautiful. Really easy on the eyes, if you know what I mean.

And little pink pussies, when you look at a pink pussy, like a kids, you know? Like a child's pussy, right? Is that what we're getting to? Did we take it all for granted? Your mouth was made for child pussy. That was a good one. Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. Joe, Joe's.

How long, have you been blind your whole life? Over here. Oh, no shit. So you saw, that sucks. You saw when you were a kid? I was still blind, but not as bad as I am. Oh, okay. Oh, man.

Does you like parents drink or something? What happened? No, it's like, it's genetic, but it's like a one and four chance. My brother is like a good athlete. He's a good athlete that can see. So you got no athletics and blind? God damn, brother. Do you even know if your chick's hot or not?

Hey, she is, dude. She's pretty. She's hot. She's pretty. Yeah, if I was a black guy, ooh. Yeah, yeah. Do you ever smell or smoking no ports? Sorry, I'm sorry.

you never have to wear makeup around him you never have to get ready right it's great he's looking right at her this line motherfucker dude you're like you're blind like Tim Dillon's gay he sucks off young guys

blind Joe again with the pedophile stuff what are you not telling us no I'm saying Tim not me I don't suck off young guys anymore I'm 40 years old

that's pretty wild dude I'm glad you came dude thanks did you have to get front seat oh alright yeah it would make sense it would exactly like in the back road

it doesn't matter they can put him in back he's not I mean that's for a sighted person that's front row it's not about the front seat about not waiting in line. Yeah, but he can sit back there. Yeah, it doesn't matter where he sits. He's facing the opposite direction of the stage right now.

You're on the front row, dude. You don't even know that you're in the front. You got great seats. That's fucking wonderful. And how long you guys been together? Four years? Four years, nice. Wow, is she the one?

Probably. You cocky, blind, motherfucker. You should be so lucky that this beautiful blonde bitch would take any time to be with your crippled ass That is crazy dude when you guys get into fights Do you talk about how good your ex-boyfriend's vision is when you get into fights? At least he could see he could fucking read a street sign half a mile away. Yeah I didn't have to drive everywhere. He's got eyes like a hawk Proposed to her right now. She's on your right. Hey

Hey, Mike, Mike, when you compliment her, so you're just lying. Do you say, do you look beautiful? You do? How do you know? What do you feel for lumps? How do you know? You're just guessing? No, his friends would tell him.

Like, you know his boys are like, dude, you got to fucking dump this ugly bitch? She's fucking gross. She's very attractive. I would tell you, dude. I would tell you, I'm not even your friend like that. I know you very casual. if your girl was ugly, I would whisper it in your ear in the bathroom. It wouldn't be my voice

but I'm like, dude, you gotta leave her, she's ugly. Yeah, no, she's good. Shane said he'd hit. Oh, I would definitely hit. Twitter night. Hey, your boyfriend can't see this. Shane, Shane, do you want me to do you want me to fucking wingman you and just make noises so you can't see it?

I go, oh! Oh, go Shane. Hit on her. Oh. I can't do it, dude. That's so fucking maniacal. So maniacal. What are some of the things that you have to do for him in daily life?

Fucking everything. Like, do you got to hold his dick while he pees? I mean, how did you, how do you know piss all over your bathroom? No, he can see shit. I know he can see. Dude, if I was blind, I would not be able to. I can barely hit the bowl when I'm not blind.

Yeah. Yeah, do you sit and pee? Uh, you're gonna be a lady's here. You f***. You still gotta be a man, dude. Aim. Well, Bobby couldn't see his dick

till a week ago. Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. Yeah, that was fucking true. That hurt. I saw my dick for the first time in years. What did you say? What's the first words? I was like, you're,

fucking different colors now. Is there like, you ever see those videos of like lions seeing a guy after like 40 years? Or is it? Your dick must have come up and like hugged you. Like, oh Shane, I haven't seen you in 12 years. Or is it more like when they

put those glasses on little kids to see their parents the first time? I love little kids. It's like goggles. When he sees his dick, he goes, dude. Hey, dog's there. She goes, she's like, Bobby, what is look like is going to be it looks exactly like me it looks exactly like me little kids with glasses are hot jesus joe what are you doing what i'm having fun bringing little kids out i'm joking he's brought

up little kid he said hot little kids i didn't say that at all you fucking sicko what guys kids aren't allowed in here it's cool yeah there's one pedophile chanting your name now no i'm only kidding. Yeah, we hopefully. Just kidding, guys. Dude, why are you dressed like it's your first day of trying to get in shape? Guys. Don't let him pick on you, dude. He was fat, too, back in the day. Yeah.

Yeah, you were fat. Yeah, not like you, Bobby. You were so dangerously fat that you had to get a surgery. Here's the problem with you, though, and all of you fuckers. Oh, you got a surgery? Oh, you didn't know that? Yeah. No, I thought you, like, walked. Yeah, I got the fucking...

You cheated, dude. You cheated, dude. Hold on, Shane, does that make them Barry Bonds now? Is there an asterisk? It's got an asterisk, big time. You're talking shit with an asterisk on a lot of people, dude. Hold on, who gets a fat surgery?

And then it's like, look at you, you're fat piece of shit. That's crazy. Fucking right here. That's crazy, bro. Look, I used to be good looking back in the day. You keep saying this. I did. Fucking, I'll pull up a picture.

Can I tell you the problem is now you're losing weight and you're old, so you're just like a fucking grandma now? It's so awful. You're not hot Bob. Let Shane do the jokes. Damn. No. That was a nasty thing to say because what he said was actually mean.

And you laughed out, dude. You lashed out. I don't, I kidding. Because he was mean. You were huge, like, a date. Last time I saw you, you were a problem. You were Craig. You were Craig Hayward.

You're the small. dude i've ever seen now dude first of all yeah why you were you were kingpin dude i'm not fucking dainty you're very dainty you're very dainty you like how little you are get up let's show him on the ground you are stand up i'm not stand up let's tell a little get up stand up right do you see let's look at these men get up show show show your size wow dude look at this you are bob we can have we can have you we can have you anyway we want way we wanted. It looks like that

chick on the couch with the black guys we're about to run a train on this, dude. All right, sorry. What'd you say? Oh yeah, good idea.

I can do it now. It's not even a fucking big deal. Bobby, you did it last year and you killed three people. That was a big deal when I jumped in. That was Astro World. Bobby Groucher.

Bobby trampled. Bobby trampled people in Astro World. I don't like the fucking meanness from fucking... All right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I don't know what else to do. Nothing's happening. Shame is a fucking...

I'm lashing out. You're a bully. He's a mean person. You're a mean guy. And then he goes up to you, he's like, dude, he's... I got a confession like a fucking adult dude he's a therapist and all three of us go don't bring me into this you f*** dude what you want to win after his god you face you fucking you take you why you're making fun of Catholicism dude that's your rules because

they're they he's gonna bring up kids again no no no no no but that is one of our gonna bring up fucking young boys dude we know you're really Catholic yeah You believe in God. Don't get me starting. No. You don't understand. He's fucking retard. Lewis is a wolf person.

Yes. He only believes in nature. Dude, there is no God. That is fucking stupid. You know that, right? No, I believe in God, dude. God is gay. God is gay.

Shane? Shane, you're being tested. How dare you, boys? Shane, Shane's getting mad at that when I told him so fucking mom. Sebastian? What are he fucking following? St. Sebastian, bro. Say, that's his confirmation.

Your faith is being tested, Sebastian. I don't give a fuck, dude. You guys can turn your backs on God. That'd be a huge mistake. Dude, I would love it if you straight up became the top Christian comedian. And regular mainstream comedian. Are you really Christian?

Do you Catholic? First off, Christians are gay as shit. Catholicism, dude. The one true. God. Do you fold your hands before you go to bed? What's it? Do you fold your hands before you go to bed? Yeah, I'll go yes

and then I pray. No, you don't. Yeah, I do. You actually pray. Do you say like that you say those prayers or do you like talk to God? On earth, this is there and give us all trespasses. As we forgive those trespass against us

and lead us not a temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen, God. And then I go, and then I go, Dear God. Pray for my friends, Lewis. Pray for my friend Bobby. You just got over a fat surgery. Shane.

I go, God, protect Bobby's fat. Does God come down and go, Hey, Shane? That was a pretty tough week, buddy. No, Allah comes down, and he's like, Shane. Shane. Hey, dude, do you ever think about, like, bringing a gun to a mall?

And I'm like, get the fuck out of here, Allah. She goes, Shane, listen to him. He can clean you. And then Catholic God comes back, he's like, get that fucking fucking out of here. That's Catholic God, dude. That's not me. I tell him you shouldn't talk like that.

What do you guys do without me? Go, go, please. I believe it. I'm a Catholic, too. I believe in God. No, you don't believe in God, dude. I 100% do. No.

What's your confirmation name? What's your confirmation name? My confirmation name is Robert P. That's not, that's not real. It's, it's Jerob, what? What? He said you looked like the Buddha, but it wasn't very funny.

What's your confirmation name? My confirmation name is Jeremiah Wockens. Tide. That's a draw. Shane and Lewis. What's a confirmation name? You don't have a confirmation name?

I was, but I don't know it. Joe, you're from Boston, you got confirmation name? I didn't get, oh, no, I got, I got baptized, I think. I got a communion, I got baptized. So you got to have parents to have a, be a good Catholic. They tried to get me confirmed. Then I told my mom I didn't believe in God and made her cry. What?

How old were you? Like 13. Oh, so you're like angsty. Yeah. But she used to hit me. My mom, everybody got hit. No, no, my mom. No, I bet his mom fucking.

My mom wouldn't fucking hate a shit. Lewis has told me some stories. She puts some shit. What are you talking about it? She'd fucking beat me with weapons. Like what weapons? Like medieval shit, dude. Like a fuck of that ball with the spikes on it. A dollar signy.

It's called a mace? She hit you with a mace. She would mace me. Anything called mace, she would fucking... She had a mace CD. She threw it at me. Macy gray. Did your dad beat you?

My dad was dead. Oh, sorry. He's dead. He would have, though, for sure. He tried to beat a guy and he lost No, my dad, no, my dad beat up two guys and then he, you know My dad was a badass

So he beat two up and then a third fucking... No, no, they came back later with a knife And he said, hey dude You're about to meet Shane's God And he was like, oh, thank God And then my guy was like, yo, sick Who's up? Like, yo, you beat the shit

Those two guys, that was cool shit. Mr. Gomez, you're pretty fucking cool. Hey, I know your son's a complete retard but I'm going to make sure he does pretty well Look at what God did for you dude how day you turn on God You're talentless and God gave you all this

How nice is that It is unfair You should believe in God It is unfair thank you Yeah I can't believe you guys Sitting around Being sober and not religious I'm religious

What are you talking about? I'm not religious I've never heard you say you're religious I pray to God every fucking day We're spiritual. Who you call it anything? I'm Catholic. Before last week, Bobby couldn't fit his hands together to pray.

I thought that was good. That was a good one. I pray every morning, and at night when I go to bed, I pray. What prayer do you say? I say, Our Father, and I say... Hail Mary? No, I don't say Hail Mary. Why would you say Hail Mary?

Because that's the rosary. Desperation, dog. It's a sad... Why would I ever say Hail Mary? You got five seconds left in a half, maybe? Yeah. Do you know the Hail Mary? What's the Hail Mary?

Can you say? Whip it? Full of grace, Lord's with thee. Blessing the hour. Blesses the food. Thy wood Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God. Pray for our sinners now at the hour of our death.

Amen. Notre Dame Armartus. Pray for us. Yes. I get into fucking, dude. Let's get started speaking in tongues. Let's get going, dude. What's a morning prayer?

What's that? I just remember. I used to say a morning prayer. In the morning, it was a rhyming prayer. You go morning. Sunshine, your ass. Oh, God. The son's gay.

Oh, son is gay. Amen. The son is gay. Amen. Son is good. Lewis is... Sun is gay. Moons are cool.

Son is gay. Moons are cool. I am evil, mommy. Ah, shit. My dad's dead. Fuck. When did your mom die? I'm trying to remember the morning prayer.

For all that I think can do and say, I give you my love with Jesus, your son today. We'll try to love everyone. What's the first line though? That's so sick, though. Yes. I don't know that one. I was trying to love everybody.

You wake up, you go, please, I'm going to try to love everybody. Then you get an Uber and go, park the car, you fucking... Get out, you Pakistani, piece of shit. Go back to Africa, you piece of shit. Why? That's him. That's not me. I would not do that.

Fuck you, Joe. Let's give it up for the regs, everybody. Dan Soda, A.K.A. Corporate, Dan. Joe List, aka The Truth. And we don't know where Lewis is, so we have a Puerto Rican guy filling in for Lewis. Potter Lewis J. Gomez.

Where the fuck is Lewis? You know what Lewis is. You know where Lewis is. He wants to make a fucking entrance. He's in the mirror with his dick out right now going you a big, bright shining star. This is your festival. They wait for you.

Bobby said you're a hustler. You finally did it. Dude, if he was doing push-ups, that would be on point. This is fucking idiot. How you doing, buddy? How's it going? I don't know if my mic's on. Your mic is on.

We just have more charisma than you. I can have charisma. Oh, here we go. Now it's going. Yeah. Anal. Anal sex. This is fucking.

Dude, also, Bobby, way to fucking sink Scopo and Sagalos feelings up top. I know. You heard you. These guys, these pieces of shit. Oh, you're such a corporate cunt. That's what we do. That's what we do. I would have loved if you flew in Fistuka.

I did. No. The plane crash. She was too heavy. I thought she was about to show up like the State Puff marshmallow man. She floated? What's wrong with you?

I'm taking a photo. No, he's taking a photo. It's not what you're supposed to do, Joe. You're supposed to look cool. Yeah. He can't look cool. I'm trying to find a seam so I can fucking say something. Show us your cool face. Have you ever done that? Have you ever taken a photo? you're like, someone's like, look sexy, and then you do it,

and then you see the photo, and you're like, I should hang myself in Times Square. No, I've never done that. You should think about it. Well, you wouldn't hang yourself. You'd have to do the car thing. Yeah, dude, he'd fuck up, he'd fuck up the plumbing for the whole building. I think your glasses... Yeah, that's his joke. Don't punch up his joke.

I was fucking tag it up. That's what we do. Dude. You know what? This is the worst. Is that the... I hate that you guys have all kinds of... fucking team up on you, motherfucker. That's what you fucking know. It's like raccoons versus a bison. I'm not a fucking bison.

You're a fucking... Soder just watched a dock this week, obviously. It's like raccoons and a bison. Nobody fucking knows that saying. What? Raccoons and a bison? I just made it up. I don't think it's an old saying.

Can someone go get a dirty tattooed girl with greasy hair with her tits showing so we can find Lewis? Just any method would do. I mean... That's his foghorn? Boon, bro. I don't even think raccoons and bison's

living in the same climate. I was calling Bobby fat, dude. Raccoons are like in houses and shit. Joe, I know. Bisons are in the badlands. Man. I forgot what I was like to work at this office. I'm posing for every photo.

Yeah. You gotta get better at marketing. You know what? Where's Chris Scopo? Fuck Lewis. Scopo, get up here. No, no, no, that's okay. He'll show up.

Where's Chris Scopo? Also known as the backup quarterbacker podcast. You're fucking Spanish. Get up here. You're Mexican, Puerto Rican. Same thing. Suarez. Where are you going?

Hey, Mike. These feel like the Super Bowl hats. When they win, they just put it on immediately they look like dopes. Yeah, we're pumped. Oh, dude, the thought of just a bunch of African kids and you know what dude hats. I would say the time...

I never got to listen to this. You know, my first album, Steve Burns sent me a video. He was at a Salvation Army and they had five of my albums there. And he bought them all for 50 cents and then stepped on them. That's funny. That's funny. 50 cents is a little steep. Hey, Lewis, what are you...

Also, L.A. Comics are so good at actouts that it probably was a hilarious smashing. Louis, what do you got? Hey, doggy. That's not bad. That's not bad. Nah, this is like the second Aunt Viv. I want the first one. Soda.

It's just weird, too, because we're not even looking at each other. It's like a fucking TED talk. I'm looking at you. Yeah, but I got to, we're out breaking on Knicks. Bobby, we don't have that hard of time turning our heads. As soon as I said it, I was counting down in my head. You're fucking breathing real hard, right? Fucking breathing hard.

This is not the way I like it to go, but this is the way it goes. Lewis is going to zip line in like Sean Michaels at WrestleMania fucking throat. I hope he comes in like Owen Hart. Joe's on fire. Joe's on fire. Sorry.

We blew the old team. Yeah. I, uh... Well, that looks like Walter from Big Lobosky. Right? No. Yeah, he does. Stand up and turn around.

Doesn't he a little bit? That looks like... That's good. A little bit. That looks like... That looks like somebody from Skank Fest. Yeah, this looks like just a meeting of gun dealers. Yeah.

Everyone's in those fucking Lewis yellow glasses. Everybody has shitty tattoos. I hope he Jim Joneses everyone on Sunday. Guys, drink your Kool-Aid. It's my new show called What's in the Cup? Lewis? Lewis. Lewis.

You guys, shh, everyone, everyone, shh, shh. Lewis. Lewis. Lewis. hilarious. There he is. Louis, Lewis, Lewis, Lewis, Lewis, Boo!

Boo, boo! Boo, boo! Boo, boo! Boo, boo! Boo! Look at Mush ran away. Did you see mush run away? Yeah, there's five seats.

Fuck you Lewis! Yeah. Fuck you Lewis, y'all! Fuck you Lewis, y'all! Fuck you Lewis! You know, fuck you Lewis, y'all. Fuck you, Lewis, y'all. This is offensive because these hats can't fit on my head.

No hat can fit on your head. A football helmet couldn't fit on your head. Yes, it can, an extra large. Ladies and gentlemen, the regulars have returned to the YKWB podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, we already said that 20 minutes ago. You fucking... I hate that you think you're original. Oh, what the fuck are you doing?

These waters suck. You can't open it without a jizzing on your face. It's like my dad. If you just touch it, he comes in your face on Halloween, 1991. What? I think you still got the Statue of Limitations on that one. I think so. I would love to have a statue of that.

Can I... Speaking of Statue of Limitation, is Krista Lee here? come on but I invited him you did I'll tell you invited everybody from LA and nobody tell us I want to know who didn't come yeah I want the full invite right now name a comedian I'll let you know if we Brandon Schaubb yes we invited Brennan Chobby he said no way Jose no way Jose my name is Luis what about Anthony Jesselnik we do not invite Anthony Jeselnick we do not invite Anthony Jeslnick Cosby Cosby we literally, we emailed them through his website.

You think he was just checking it with that gray eye? Yeah. Hold the phones, I got something. Dude, if you got Bill Cosby, that would have been fucking incredible. I know. I would have actually loved to see him do the dentist bit. Look, look, the weekend's not over.

Who knows, man? Maybe he'll have some phomo. He'll be online and be like, dude, I got to go. That was too wordy. What? It was just true. Let me ask you question. Why are you fucking trying to out of me?

Why are you not sitting next? There's a fucking ring out there. Let's go do it right now. You want to go in the ring? Let's go fight right now. All right, listen, let's just settle down. This is a funny podcast. We're here to have fun, right?

Bobby would be gas by the time he climbed into the ring. I did. I'd suck your dick off. I know you would. Like you sucked my dick. I remember that I was close to that Why are you sitting over there?

I thought you were going to sit next to me? No, that's good. Yeah. What's up with all this sexual tension? You guys immediately start talking about old beeges? Well, two of the best sets of lips in the business. Yeah, that is true.

I have better lips than Lewis. You don't have better. No, Bobby's are better. I have way better. I have a hundred. We already settled. I have way better lips than you. I think you should kiss with the lips.

We'll go to the ladies in the crowd, all three of them. The ones that have dragged your by their boyfriends? And we'll say, we're going to do who has a better lip competition right now. Let's do it. I'm fucking in. Are you ready?

What do I win? If I win, you have to kiss my dead toenail. What if Lewis wins? If I win, you have to kiss my dead toenail. Absolutely. And I have one. Do we all have dead toenails? Hey, I'm just going to throw this out there, Joe.

I don't know if you have a dead one, but I have one I can toss into the pot. All my turn of my toenies. are alive oh oh yeah dude I want to fucking put some of these hobbit feet in there oh my god dude samurai's gangi up in this motherfucker god check him for a ring yeah why are all his toes are weird lengths yeah look they're hypnotizing you you have a fucking monkey foot yeah dude I can pick up this water oh no this is appalling look at that toe Look at that one?

Like, you can see, it's like rising a little bit. That's what he's going to have to kiss. Dude, no, look at this. Look at the brown and then it goes to black. Bobby, please don't pop your hip out. Look at that. Look at that one. Oh, it's like green.

Look at that. Looks like it's made a fucking drywall. Mine's dead on the outside and then in the middle it dies again. So how do we judge who has the most sensual lips? I see the women in the crown by. We got to get it. I feel like you should have to kiss the stomach of a fan. No.

I say, A male fan. Bobby has the better lips. I mean, I put my money on my boy, LGJ. Who wants to be kissed? Raise your hand if you want to be kissed. One.

I'm not kissing one of these animals. Oh, yeah. You're going to kiss side meat. We got to dry you off first. All right, you guys pick. We can pick who you're going to kiss. Yes. Raise your hand if you want to be tested on by these lips.

One right there. We got a woman, and it's all guys. Oh, no, you have to pick a dude. No, pick this hot old lady. All right, Louis. This fucking coog in the front row. She's not old at all. She's like 28 years old.

No, dude. Guys, this is what a fat fuck I really am. I have egg on my glasses from breakfast this morning. That's hilarious. It's a catberry egg. Lewis on fire. All right, ready? Who are we going to find to test these lips?

We got one lady. You guys are going to have to kiss something that you're both going to have to kiss this for judges. We need three judges. You're retarded. Why can't we just have the women in the ground? We should have one gay guy. No, listen.

One gay guy. The women of the gay guy. First of all, we kill gay people at Skangfest. What? Hey, I'm the gay guy. Get up here. Get up here. Ladies and gentlemen, Tim Dillon.

He's like, I will. I want all of you to kiss me. Make out with my... You're not kissing me. Kiss my stomach. You give me $70,000. Hold on. This is two different contests.

There's better lips and better kisser. If you have great lips, that doesn't mean you're a good kisser. That's not the proper way to judge. We're doing better lips. You have to, the way you tell if you have good lips. No, you look at them. You look at them.

I will let the fans feel them with their fingers. I don't want, I'm not letting them. It's a fucking pandemic. You need my lips with you. I'm not letting your fans touch my lips. Like the Black Kid and Hook? He's like, there you are, Peter. Oh, that kid.

That's Anthony Anderson. I appreciate it. No, it's not. It is. The Black Kid and Hook is Anthony Anderson? That's not shut up. Hook it up. You're going to have me look like an asshole

when I say that to someone else. No, it's not, but it's pretty funny. It's actually Patrice O'Neill. Who? The fat black kid and hook. That was Patrice. It was his first gig. Your lips...

Dude, my lips are fucking ridiculous. His lips are insane, and he doesn't have a shitty mustache over his. I don't have a dirty... I think it adds to your features. Also, the amount of... No, you suck, Dan. You always take his side. You shut up. Your lips are fucking gay.

Your lips stink. Yeah, they're very tiny. Yeah, you have donkey lips. Donkey lips? Yeah, they're thin. It's not even a little. Whatever. They're like whatever lips. Joe, Joe, Joe. Joe, I want to get into this. Don't talk about lips. Don't bring a tiny mouth to a knife fight.

Wait, I'm not, I'm not insulting you. He's saying you have bad lips. I'm saying, no, they're whatever, which is above that. You just have regular, straight old, regular lips. These guys have extraordinary lips. I agree with you. But here's the problem with his lip. His... I got a freckle on my bottom lip that'll make a woman... It's not a freckle. It's not a freckle. Fucking quiver. It's not a freckle. The freckle. Terpees. Do women?

quiver over freckles? It's a hot little freckle on my lip freck. Dude, when girls notice my lip freckle, good, but look at my little, come in. Your lips of the bed. I talk about your lips every night before I go to bed. I have good lips. Great lips.

No, I think by a round of applause, the women should decide who has better lips. We do a lip model off. Okay, let's go. There's a whole gang of women in the front. Yeah, look at these fucking sluts. Hell yeah. I mean, I don't think they're sluts.

I think they're fine young women that know what good lips look. They're volunteers at a local hospital. These fucking pigs, no way. Those aren't pigs. They're fucking Puerto Ricans or Dominican. They're not Puerto Ricans. They don't have Puerto Ricans in fucking Houston.

They're Mexicans. No, first of all, nobody is from Texas. Everyone flew to be here. Where are you from? Los Angeles. Are you Puerto Rican? Damn. What are you?

They're still Mexican. Exactly. You can tell she's Mexican. You guys came from L.A.? Where did you guys come from? See? I'm talking about this. That energy shift was so fast.

To, like, California, and they're like, New Jersey, move on. You just called the slut's asshole. I'm going to fucking stab you. Pigs. What part of New Jersey? Oh, I live right near New Brunswick. Oh, I'm going to fucking try to fuck these chicks. Did you just realize that everything you were saying was being recorded and you were on stage?

And your girlfriend is right in the room. One of them is right over there. Yeah, she's right there. No, is she, damn. All right, so you want to do a round of applause from the four women in the audience? Five? Really?

Are you in, sweetie? Yeah? Could you be a little more enthusiastic? Oh, sorry she's not fucking jack to judge your lips. Why are you fucking all over me, soda? Because I fucking miss you. I fucking miss you. I miss you.

I miss you too. I miss you. Make out with you right now When those lips get angry Who has better Who has better lips? I'm still Team Lewis. No!

What? What? Wow. Why do you taste like a Lord of Dune cookie? That's my brand. So I said we do a lip model off. Straight out, you fuck as your lip model. Yeah, but how?

What is that consist of? You're posing on your lip poses. You got to do lip poses. Bobby's trying to do lip poses as they speak. It's the whole time there. I just noticed that. I went, you. So what you're saying.

He's giving you full L.L. Cool J video. Yo, I put my jacket over a puddle. So, but how are they going to know? Shouldn't we kiss him on the lips? I mean, not on the lips. On the cheek? On the pussy. No.

We kiss your pussies. Ladies, get up here. I'm not, I'm not. Come on, L.A. No offense. I'm not kissing New Brunswick pussy, okay. Oh, not okay. Rugger's pussy, I'm upset, thanks.

I say we have to kiss him on the cheek and let them feel the softness because your lips aren't as soft as mine. There's a lady in this room that can take down this entire festival. Let him kiss you with a heel turn tomorrow. I will say this, I will say that there's probably a non-measurable amount of difference

and softness between our lips. Inmeasurable. Non-measurable. your lips are thick you got like thick ones thick Puerto Rican look at all the ladies getting wet as we speak you know what they are they're plump they're fucking dude look at New Brunswick they're sliding out of their chair right now your lips aren't good man your bottom lip is too big yeah your bottom stomach is too big whoa yeah but the top one's just right Bobby, are we going to do a model off?

Yeah, we're going to do a model off. But I think, what are we going to do? We're just going to show it. Yeah, I think we should play the sexy. I'm a model. You know what I mean? That music. Yeah, right to do a fucking model off.

Work the catwalk? Right, work, work, yeah, work our lips to the ladies in the car. Wait a minute, do I have to get up and move? Yeah. Go see some sweaty lips. Can't we do it sitting? Holy shit. That is your plan for everything.

That's his third question on anything. Is it sitting? I hate you. I know. But God is our sexual tension palpable. Why can't we plant one on somebody so they can feel it? Bobby, fine. If you really want to kiss one of these people, we can do it.

But it's weird, dude. Not kiss him on the lip, on the cheek. I took a body shot off of a fucking 400-pound man earlier today. I think we just found our solution. Who wants some free shots? I'm not worried about kissing somebody's cheek. I'm just saying, I feel like they're going to get a better gauge for his better lips, and also all of the ladies on the ground can participate in the fucking applauseometer.

This is an applause meter? Aplausometer. I think it'll be too close to call. All right, let's do it. Whatever. I don't give a shit. You go first. No, you go first.

You go first. I challenged you. You know what the fuck you wanted to do it? I don't know what the fuck you want. You were to walk back and... Would you afraid? No, I'm not afraid of your lips. Are you afraid of my lips?

Dude, he's about to talk you into going first on your own podcast. I'm not going first. You go first. I'm in a model. What? Rock pepper scissors are me. I'm not rock. Lewis.

Lewis. Lewis. The people have spoken. Lewis. Work it, girl. No, they're saying Lewis is right, Bobby. Go first. No, they're not.

Thank you guys. I appreciate you guys. Who wants Lewis to go first? That's overwhelming That's an overwhelming Is there any music? Do we have any mute? Who wants Bobby to go first?

Nobody. They want you to go. Put that mic down, Louis. Work it! Here we go. Get up, dude. Let him see. Let him see it, dude.

Are you really sitting there? That's good. Good to start. Come on, dude, face model. Face model. Two sexy for my shirt. Two sexy for my shirts. Two side profile.

Yeah. Stick it. Move it. Look over. Yeah. Shold, relaxed fit. Now give me, I'm yelling at a cab driver. Now give me Madden Food Delivery Driver.

All right. Now give me sexual harassment of Shannon. That's good. Good faces. Who. Beat that. Beat that. I think we can all admit that Lewis worked it.

Hey, you said we were sitting. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Dave. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. There. Two sexy for my shirt, two sexy for my shirt, so sexy, good hearts. I'm two sexy for man, New York and Japan. Damn.

Yeah, dude. Bobby, Bobby, you might have just fucking. First of all, I think he might just crushed Lewis. First of all, Bobby, you're getting all of the dude vote. That's fine. Dude, this is a swing state. This room of homosexuals. He just changed my lips.

He just changed my lips. He made him sexy, right? Yeah, he made him sexy. Look at that. Wow. Yeah, you like him too, don't you? Look at him like it was a kiss GI Joe. I won, baby.

Deal with it. No, we go to the ladies. You go to the ladies. You go to the ladies. No, I want this. Men. There was men. There was women in men. It's the most powerful demographic. 18 to 34. Men.

Hot men. Let's hear from just the women. The seven women here. Who would prefer a man with Lewis's lips? That's right. That was your girlfriend and this chick. All right. Who likes the lips of Roberto?

Damn, dude. Damn, dude. You're about to kiss a toe. I'll hold this. Way to hold that. Kiss that toe. Kiss that toe. Kiss that toe.

Kiss that toe. Kiss that toe. Kiss that toe. Kiss that toe. You bring it over to me. Dude, you're to kill him. Yeah. There's no rule.

Three months of prep for this pose. No, you should crawl across the table like a dog. Oh, like Toney Catan. I'm not, I can't hold my leg up here. I know. So this bit's going to die if you want to be up. Bobby's going to have shin splints in one minute. That's what I have.

Let's go. Kiss that fucking dirty brown toenail. I like that it's sitting in a cigar ash. Oh, yeah. Kiss that toe. Kiss that toe. Kiss that toe. Kiss that toe

It's fucking gross It smells too guys It smells like cheese Oh you got your fucking cigar ash On the bottom and shit Dude the bottom The bottom of It's bad

I got that from a New York sports club Ah No no Dude this is Somehow grosser than when I watched you Fake Suck is Dick. There we go.

Now, wait a minute now, sexy lips. You have to kiss it. Not like that. Good. Oh. No, I don't have to open mouth sensually kiss your toe. You have good lips if you...

First of all, let's go. Look at Bobby's little fucking dick in it hard. Hurry up. This is a hurt. Thanks for not. Burn it down the place. Oh. The value of Lewis's lips just went up.

It reminded me of one of my ex-girlfriends. I won't say who. But she is here. She's definitely one of the comedians here. I think all of your ex-girlfriends are here. Well, you have a new ex-girlfriend after that. Yeah, maybe. You look like a sick kid right now.

I just always love the show. You have that jack disease? I probably am a sick kid with, you know, COVID. All right. Sorry. I got, Joe. I got sad.

No, I know. Just kidding. I like doing these panel, like live shows, YKWD. Yeah. Because it's only during these shows that I get to see how truly terrible Joe's profile is. It's bad, I know. It's so wormy and fucking sad. It looks like a bad drawing of a head.

Stick it out, dude. You look good. Like a new art student. Look, turn to the side. No, he's making it better. You joking. Someone, whoever's good at Photoshop, Earthworm Joe. I'm kidding, Joe.

I love you, and I think you have a chin. Joe, I like how you can actually push your chin forward. I didn't realize that. That's good. Look at it. Pop it out, pop it out. I tried to do that for like a year of my life. Walk around like a snooty butler.

Do you know I had a girlfriend that I was dating and she was like, oh, I don't even realize you have an overbite. So I showed her, and then she was like, oh, my God. And then she said, are you going to look like that forever? Was this the one I hated? And I was like, yeah, you hated her. And I was like, yeah, I mean, I don't know what I would do? She's like, well, what about, like, surgery?

I swear to God, these are quotes from my girlfriend. You can get you. She's like, what about cert? Dude, I would love if you came in with an American dad jaw, just fuck a giant. Somebody did. Oh, and then I did. we made a film it'll be out soon

Lewis is in it so does not I'm not it's a stag movie don't tell him you don't tell them what nothing um

wait don't tell me what nothing I think you got cut from the movie Joe was I cut from the movie I didn't do the cutting you cut me from the movie Louis cut me from the movie Louis cut

Lewis got caught Lewis got caught Lewis got so did his dad Matt Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. Chomping on him. I don't give a fuck, and then I got cut.

I just cared that I have to go tell my son who was so excited that his dad was going to be in a movie. Well, we have the footage. Then I got cut. That doesn't mean anything. Yeah, you should lie to him like a sick kid and then just air with the footage. I fought for you.

Well, but it's not done yet. It's not a final cut. Hey, artist, can you give me Joe's chin? Yeah, thanks. Why don't you give me one of yours? True, true, truck, truck, truck, truck, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. Wait, I had a story. What was the story? Oh, we made a movie, and the makeup guy, the first day, he went, you know, you can get jaw implants.

I remember, yeah, he told me. And he's like, I had them myself. He's like, they just, they slip them right in. And he goes, it's just painful for like six weeks. That was the first thing he said to me. I literally punched a window out with my bare hands in that movie Yeah, but don't tell me he didn't love doing that I mean, I also punched a window out earlier in the day for no reason

The scene was great I saw the scene It was the highlight of the production You were fucking amazing in the scene But it might still make it I literally hope that he gets canceled again All right, calm down people was that too real

do you guys know something we don't know is louis standing right behind me jerking off oh my god don't move out this guy loves chance and I love him for it he really is a chanter this guy let him

chance chance chance chance chance chance chance chance chance did they just say anything Yeah Great Anything Anything anything Anything Anything

That fucking fucking Kool-Aid Sunday is going to be People have AIDS People have AIDS People have AIDS Well that's just That's just science

You're proper science That's just funny Let's just celebrate Not having AIDS You know Joe's about to get Debabied What's that mean?

He made fun of AIDS and got in trouble for it Who's to baby? Not the baby. Wait, what was that? No, not the, what was that, Joe? Yeah, dinosaurs. Dinosaurs.

I fucking love Joe. Nobody thought of dinosaur reference was coming. Sometimes Joe bumps right up on autism. That was, that was an insight into the mind of Joe. Joe, he just fucked up a joke. Man, he just goes over the lane and corrects. Speaking of dinosaurs, where's Voss? Get him out here.

I know, where is Voss? Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. Lewis, how much money did Bert and Tom give you to put these vodka bottles here? Lewis, oh, fucking, Lewis is sucking his way to Austin. What are you talking about? Poor Osos, the best vodka on the planet? Oh, hi.

Goes down smooth. Crystal clear. The fun part about poor Osos is, I can spill it on my all-white uniform. No, it's my alt-white uniform. Ah, nice. Pony Lewis is my favorite, Lewis. There we go. I'm being punny today, folks.

Clap it up for our production team. Danny and Paco, speaking of retards. They're both manning cameras that are on fucking tripods. We don't need you. You're not doing anything right now. These guys are some of the best in the biz. 90% of our podcasts have been filmed. Damn good.

That's nice. That's Hall of Fame in some sports. No, just sit here in silence without a topic, Bob. That's the fucking show. That's not the show. They know the show. Silence is not the show. Guys, I don't mean...

I want to hear, hold on. We're going back to the retard impressions. Joe, hold on. I don't mean to break the fourth wall here, but we all know the secret sauce of the regs is Bobby and Lewis's sexual friction. They're like Sam and Diane. Yeah, will, they won't they?

And here's a quick answer. They have. On the show. All right, Joe, I want to hear your retard. That's good. That's a classic doyo, doyo dooy. That is the worst retard. Can I redo mine?

You see that peeking, go ahead. Hang on, wait, I got it. I'm getting into character. Bob, I want to get half, and I want to be in the fan because I love you for not. That's fucking good. That was crazy. That was crazy.

That was specific. That was Down syndrome. I'll do mine, I'll do mine. Hey, you know what, dude? Got him. I just want to say, it was fucking, that was good. It was good, but you saw that coming a fucking mile away.

I'll drink some porosos for that. Ooh, don't want to spill a drop. Poor osos, the best of the best. I don't know if they're paying us to have this on the stage. I'm going to be honest with you. If we're not, there's no way it's actually good. right? Is it good vodka?

I don't know. Dude, these guys just hate. We brought Tony on the show earlier and they just started a gay chant. It was fucking hilarious. Try some porosis. Porosis? I'm not a big vodka guy.

Who likes vodka? Who wants to try this? Yes, who wants to try some vodka? Who wants a shot of vodka after a hot day? Who wants a shot of warm vodka? That's it, dude. I'll pick one. Pick right there, that guy.

Which one? Who needs it? Come up here, Miss. You'll be our tester. Give it up for this slut. Come on, folks. Del, fingers up. We have somebody already.

Dan, Dan. This guy looks like he needs it. Dan, there's somebody on stage already. Dan. Yeah, I can give away a shot, too, Lewis. There's two bottles, you stupid fuck. That's true. Come up here.

Hi, I already gave it away. I gave it a double tag. Yeah, we're going to do a real-life review of Porosos on the show. Once you see this guy, you'll get why I picked him. He needs it. All right, miss, first of all, what's your name? Look at this guy. Bam Margera, dude.

Dan, all right, let's do one at a time. What's your name? Mack. Guys, give it up for Mac. Mac. Hell yeah. Are you named Mac because you're built like a truck? Might be one of the funniest things Lewis has ever said.

I mean, it was... I had to look down, then. That's fucked out. She's beautiful. She's hot, a hot truck. I told her. Joe DeRosa had bigger shoulders than him and hurt his feelings.

Yeah, that is... You could also say that to the rock. He's like, look at you. You're built with mana. All right, we're going to get... Mac is going to give her honest review of Poros. Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to give her a nice warm shot right in the mouth.

Nice hot shot. Look at her, what a slut. Hell yeah, there's a water chasing. Spilled on her tits. You want more? Jesus Christ. Whoa. Oh, Jesus Christ. It's good.

It's good. All right. Give it up for Mac, guys. One more time. Guys, what about? Now, let's have Zach taste test it. Is it Mac and Zach? It's Mac and Zach.

Give Zach it. He needs it to stop shaking. Ready, bud? I'm like a shot girl. I just poured so much vodka in your mouth. Damn, do you live under a bridge? You drink that so fucking fast? How is it?

it's tough tough you guys don't know hobo lingo that means good when you live under a bridge you go that box is pretty tough they go okay

we're gonna bring a guest on Bob this is a big one and he's only here for one more day so we gotta fucking do it we love him ladies and gentlemen put your hands together for Shane fucking Gillis come on Talk, read, talk, read, talk, read, talk. Oh, dude.

Shane, step in, step in with your best hardo, dude. Blow it out of the water. Shane, welcome to the regs. You are the first official guest that we've ever had on the show. I didn't, yeah. How does that feel? I feel bad. We have a no-guess rule.

No, don't. I've been pushing hard. We've been yelled at, no fucking gas. By the way, me and Bobby literally did say in the text thread, no guess. And then Joe's like, but it's Shane. We were like, maybe. As they texted that, we were back there with Shane. I go, you should come on the regs.

I said, why don't we get Shane? And then they said, no guest, you fucking idiot. And I said, okay. We don't need a famous person on the show. We will just have a mid-level successful show without him. As I wrote, okay, Dan's like, Shane, come on the regs. And I was like, that's not going to go well. Yes.

So it's not my fault. That's my boy, dude. That's Danny Sodey's. Always and forever. Of course, Lewis and Bobby are treacherous pricks. Listen, it's not that. I was pushing the hardest. No, Joe's wanted a guest, a special guest the whole time.

Lewis said no fucking guess, and then I back Lewis up, and then it's like, he wants a guest, then he says it, and then he says, okay, you said no fucking guess. I did break very quickly. I was like, you know what, Shane would be pretty great at the show. Were you guys like, where you guys like, Protect our Parks doesn't do guests? Yes, and that's exactly what they say, and I say they are the guests. It's Joe Rogan's show featuring these three assholes. Let me just say that.

If Protect Our Parks was like, all right, we're also going to bring in another more famous comic than us, that would be fucking weird. We don't make it on our own. We don't fucking make it. Protect our Parks also doesn't do mediocre numbers. What? They didn't understand it a couple of minutes. Yeah, they misread it. They just heard the cadence.

Also, he was being nice. For the record, the reason List has been pushing guests is to get Feehan on, so... What's that about you? I'm trying to take my sloppy seconds. Not true at all. Come on out, Karim! Please be here.

That'd be funny. Now, she went back. She is here, I just saw her. Yeah. Yeah. It's really funny. Do Derek Dresher, is her dog walker? Derek Dresher is a funny comedian.

He's a funny comedian who was working the festival as well. But he had her dog. in the dog park and she's kind of like a pretty big like you know, mix. Wait, can you tell this story? Yeah, we told it on Realast Podcast. Okay. Yeah, yeah. So they were at the park and then while he was with her dog, her dog attacked another little pug and bit its eyeball

out of its head. Allegedly. And then Derek Dresser just left and didn't tell anybody. He just ran away from the park. Hilarious that a pug came back without an eye. Oh my God! It was fucking an empty crater. Yeah, and they had to find her through like

a doggy mom group in her neighborhood and she just got a phone call being like, yeah, your dog attacked another dog. Ripped his eye out. Ripped his fucking eye out. That's, why did you bring it up on a podcast? Are you suing her with the lady? No, I thought it was kind of funny.

They're all here. These are all players at Skangfest? Yeah. But that's why, what if she gets sued? I think she's currently being sued. No. But the dog didn't rip the eye out. The eye fell out.

That's not what happened. Yes. Eyes fall out. Eyes don't fall out of your head. Yes, they did. Look at Sammy Davis and the other guy. That didn't fall out. You got sick and they had to take it out. No, it fell. What?

Yes, black people's eyes fall out. They do at this festival. Thanks, Shane. It's not bad. No, but yeah. The eye fell out. But what a fucking old age. What a hilarious criminal Derek Drecher is. He just ran away. He didn't stop. He didn't do the right thing.

Dude, I wouldn't fucking do the right thing. a dog I was watching took an eye of another dog? What if your dog took the eye of another dog? I'd be proud of her. I'd lift her up like Simba. She is my true beast. I her master.

And then I would fuck that eye socket of the other dog. Sorry guys, I had to get crazy at Skangfest. In reality, I'd give it sweet little kisses on its forehead and apologize. You would cry. Yeah, you would cry. I would cry. Oh, no. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. What the fuck did you do, Myrtle?

What the fuck? Drop it. Drop it. I'm opening her mouth. She fucking won't let go on it. Dude, I remember one time when I was like really little, my cat had kittens. This is not going to be good. No, it's good.

Was it your cat or was it a neighborhood cat? No, it was my cat. My cat was a sludge. In fact, she had somebody kid, and she started fucking on children. You're talking about your mom or you're talking about a cat? Whoa. That's insensitive. His mom was a prostitute.

That's fucked up. That's not what defined her, you piece of shit. All right, you're right. I swear to God, that's got to be what defined her. She was a prostitute. No, dude, that was like... It's honestly loose. You've led with it four times.

You think that that was, like, the first thing in her bio? No, dude. Mother. Daughter. It was third. It was third. Streetwalker. Mother.

It's third on her tombstone. Loving mother Her costume Here lies a lady Who liked to lie around Oh shit So what happened So yeah she had kittens

And then one night I woke up in the middle And I had a dog named Sebastian Named after Sebastian Bach from Skid Row Who blocked me on everything Piece of shit, scumbag And had a dog named after him So didn't the real Sebastian

The comedian block you on everything Ha ha Hey you know what too. Sometimes you get... That's so funny he doesn't even try her. What a shit joke that was. Holy shit, Bobby. Where's the bombana?

You're wearing it on your head. Oh, you're cock-sucker. Yeah, dude, take off the do-rag and that can be the bombana for the day. That's great, dude. Look, no, actually, you'll leave that on. Leave that on. That's you. Sweaty dureg. Let me see.

That's for you, dude. Oh. Bobby, you're going to look good in that. Dude, Bobby, can I put it in that? Bobby, you're going to look good in that. You should wear it. Let me put that on. Yeah.

I'm certain you're going to look good. Two eye holes in it first. I'm back. Yeah. That's nice, dude. That's nice. Oh, hell yeah. What it is, Bobby.

Thank you, Dan. I want to say thank you to you to you and fucking shame for doing the show and being a first fucking game. Dude, you look like Brando? Is that how you think Scarface dressed? No, that's how I think your mom did. It's crazy.

It's crazy how much you look like Brando and Doctor of the island of Dr. Moro? I like to make these things my different play pets. Always the fat guy. No, it's your baldhead. Island of Dr. Moran. Godless has always got one in the chamber. So, yeah, I woke up in the night and my dog's Sebastian, my cat had just had kittens, and then I woke up in the night, and then I go into my kitchen,

and there was a cat's carcass. a kitten's carcass on the floor and there was blood everywhere all over the fucking kitchen. And this is a childhood memory. This is a childhood memory. And I remember I saw it and the head was missing from the kitten's body.

What? Was your dog work for the cartel? There was blood on the walls. Did somebody pass out already? I met it. What happened? No, I'm kidding. Make sure they were right before.

She's back. Oh, it's a girl. All right. yeah, all right. No, that's sleeping from boredom. She's this close to Shane. It's like the Beatles back in the day. Girls would just pass out.

Is that the girl drank fucking bird shitty vodka? Oh, fuck you, Seder. Miss, did you drink Posos? Hey, that's my guy, Craig, right there. This is what Porosos does to you. Great comic. There we go.

Different mack truck. Holy shit. If that would have been the lady that drank the vodka? That girl just said, no, it's a different Mac truck. was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to somebody who's in a medical emergency right now.

Fucking retard MD. Nah, she's good. Guys, she gave a thumbs up. Dude, it's just she's perfect. Shane, it's just like the NFL. If they give a thumbs up, they'll walk again. You know the sad NFL music before the commercial break.

We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back. I love they have a pop-up concussion. She got to go blue tent for Skag Fest. She got Tua, dude. She's throwing gang signs when she hit the ground. Damn, Tua's a roll in 66. Usually you yell out, is there

a doctor in the house, but nobody even That's so funny. I bet if we ask if there's a carpenter fucking hands would shoot up. Has anybody ever been to a doctor in the house? Guys, I need rebarlaid. Is there?

There's definitely, no, there's a couple like EMTs in here for sure. Air conditioning or like air circulation, that might No, we gotta, all we have to do is get her out in the 108 degrees sun and she'll be fine. Yeah, well, like, she doesn't know she's actually going on an ancient Native American

sunwalk. We're like, get her outside, it's literally 114 on there. Guys, what's the only place we can take her that's hotter? Outside. Bring her down to the Dick's last resort to cool her off. Welcome to hell.

This stinks. Just toss her in a bath of ice. This is insane. Now, what of the boost of the titty by has an AC unit right above it? I mean, guys, I hope she's okay. Let me just say that on record. Yeah, she's all right.

She's okay? She's okay. She's okay. She's okay. By the way, you just legally signed off on that. That's Lewis Law. Oh, shit. Let's start over.

From the top. It's okay. Yeah, I wanted to do a topic. They said no topics, no direction today. We didn't say that. We didn't say that. You just did it five seconds into the show. I just, well, I figured... Dude, I got a good topic. Are you on drugs?

Storm chasing. We can't go storm chasing again. Now you're talking my language. Hey, what? Now you're talking my language. You goddamn right. Storm chasing? Going after Twisters?

Yeah, twisters. Oh, live in Oklahoma. I go, yeah, Twisters. Dude, last night, we watched the Giants Cowboys game. Black Lou from the Bonfire got like a pool side table, which sucks when you're in jeans and a t-shirt.

But the waitress at our cabana was so hot it upset everybody. Yeah, she was hot. Every time she would leave, we'd be like, Mother fucker. Her name was Mickey. Dude, Ari, I watched Ari fall in love with her three different times.

Her butt was hanging out. It was incredible. Dude, Ari, we just finished Legion of Skanks in here, and at the end of it, like a fool, I left my phone on the table, dummy, right. Ari just takes my phone, puts it in his pocket. He's like, let me just watch Lewis freak out. So I'm like, oh, my phone. Now I'm thinking one of you guys have it,

and I'm like, was it open? My life is over. If that happened, it would be the end of fucking everything, dude. Yeah, man, we ripped them off again. L.O.L. I think a girl dropped during the reg. A girl died dumb bitch. Ha, ha, ha.

I ripped them all off. Sorry you got hit with the vapors, bitch. You got to smoke cigars. Doggy, I fucking... Blow it in a lady's face. Get her out of here. We're doing a podcast. We're doing big deals.

Doggy, I fucking... Oh, I just remember I never finished the fucking dog cat story. God damn it. Am I on drugs? Yes. Barely. I'm not real drugs. fate to her own death to get out of that story.

We don't need the end of it. Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. Thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah, finish the story. All right, so I wake up, there's fucking a headless kitten on the floor. There's blood everywhere, right? And I look at my dog, Sebastian, who's just sitting there. And I'm like, why would you murder this kitten?

Because I know my mom's going to get rid of my dog now. So, like, that's what's going on in my head. and then I remember I went and I looked at my cat and I counted all the kittens and all the kittens were still there and it turns out it was a rat and my cat fucking decimated this rat

You had rats in your house? I had rats in my house, yeah and then my cat left the rat on my mother's stomach on the bed What? Wait, hold on, a rat ate a kitten's head off? This sounds like a word problem. How did the kitten's head point?

The cat ate the rat but the rat No, my cat ate the house. My cat killed a rat But you said the kitten was headless It wasn't, it was a rat Oh, you thought The rat was a head The rat was a head was a cat

A kitten, but it wasn't The cats killed a rat And the rat gave the cat If we keep doing this Gave the cat The rat to the mother So the real story is Lewis doesn't know the difference

between a kitten and a rat Yeah That does make sense of his You know, his mom gave him a rat As a kid and goes, that's a cat kid Get out of it I feel like if you photoshop a rat with no head, I wouldn't be like, oh, a cat.

Yeah, very distinct tail. Yeah, that's, well, I didn't really look at the tail. I just thought it was a kitten's body. It was the same size. I was worried about Sebastian. How old were you? I hope four. Ten?

You were ten? You saw a lot of murders in your fucking childhood. Yeah. It's fucking wild. Your dad was murdered. Your mom. That rat. The rat.

In order of importance, that's what it was. Wow. Yeah. Did your mom get rid of your dog? Eventually, yeah. Eventually. Should have killed your cat. She told me she gave it to somebody

with a farm and then somebody in my middle school just had my dog. Yeah. She just needed a drug money? Yeah, she gave it to the pound. She was like, oh, I have a friend who has a farm. And I was like, get around friends with farms, you junkie.

And then she fucking, yeah, I went to school on Monday and this fucking chick named Anna Sanchez. She was like, oh, I have your dog. How did she knows your dog? Because I was crying probably still. You got dog cucked. What was the dog's name? Sebastian.

Did she still call it Sebastian? Probably not. She named it something Spanish, like Oloyo. This is my dog Goya. Yeah, she had my dog. And then she was like, yeah, he had fleas when I got him. And I was like, okay. You had rats in your house.

Bro, your life sucks. It's so sad. It was sad, right? You're doing so well. Yeah, I know. When you consider where I started and where I am? I'm doing way better than you when you consider that. Yes.

Honestly. That's why I go to sleep at night. I'm doing better than Shane comparatively to where I started. I'm still not anywhere near. It's still literally maybe 75. What? You're nowhere near where Shane. I don't know.

Compared to how low I started. Yeah, yeah. I don't think you know how high up there Shane is. No, no, no, no. I understand. I saw it. It really sucks when you do that. What we were?

Yeah. Louis, will we make you feel bad about being successful? Lewis, the fact that you live indoors is a giant win. I'm not kidding. I think you're a hero. Thanks. Yeah, it's really impressive. I mean, yeah, just having rats.

Bobby, your life sucked, too, though, right? Not as bad as that. No, yeah. Bobby acts like his life sucked like that, but Bobby had parents, a house. Bobby also had, like, Bobby just smoked weed when he was 10. He's like, dude, I got a problem. I didn't. Bobby also fought his step.

dad when he was a child. That's fucked up. Yeah, dude. I didn't have a... I didn't have parents. Wait, well, Joe and Shane grew up with dads. How much did you think about fighting them? Um, not really. I never thought about fighting my dad. But my dad, yeah. I've never been going to fight my dad guy.

Pussy. No. It's because your dad will fuck you. Hold on. I think about Taylor's the tape all the time. And this will be my topic. Could you beat up in your prime? Could you beat up your dad in his prime? No.

Phil's a specimen. My dad was a problem. Well, which dad? You're biological. Your biological father, Bobby. The one that you share genes with. Yeah, yeah, I could do that. You guys wear the same jeans?

Yeah. Hi, folks. Come on, folks. Lobb and Doug. No, go down the line, Dan, because you beat up your, in your prime and his prime. Yeah, he was probably too drunk. I probably could have got a couple in quick. What was your dad like?

He wouldn't have seen it coming. Also, I was taller than him, so I'd have the reach, so I'd just pepper him with jabs. You're never going to box. it would never be that type of fight. It would be a crying wrestle. You're right. I try to toss him over my hip while apologizing. You're trying to do a wrestling move.

You'd be like, macho man. Brent Hart was there and you weren't. Sharp shooter. What about you, Joe? I think I would beat the fuck out of my dad. You think so? Yeah. Is your dad a dweeb?

He's not a dweeb. He's like a regular guy. But, you know, I've done some training as you know. You're not tough, Joe. You don't train. I train. I got 50 hours in the gym. It was four years ago, but that's pretty good.

No. I don't remember your dad, but... Like Dan said, I'm taller than you. I'll fucking beat the shit out of you, bro. That's all it takes? Yeah, that's what Dan just said. Taller. Joe, why don't you join the all-comedian

Jiu-Jitsu tournament that we're doing tomorrow? Done deal. Oh. What time? 6 p.m. 6 p.m. I got something. Come on, bro. Who's in it? Name who's in it?

It's me, Tripoli, butterly. Like Mike Feeney Your names have to end with the Y Wow, I can't speak Your last name has to ends with the Y in order to be in it This is the only comedy festival that sends out a questionnaire And in it they ask, do you know Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu?

Literally. That was in the thing. Like when does your flight get in? Will you fight Lewis? Yeah, rainy, fuck it. I think Chris Catan is supposed to do it, I swear to God. Dude, if fucking Mr. Peebers comes And I don't think Chris Catan does

Jiu-Jitsu, and I'm going to go against him in the first round and decimate him. Chris Catan has spina bifida or something. You can't... He has spinal bifida? He has something wrong with his spine. I hope he doesn't, and he shows up and bosses you around tomorrow, Bobby.

I swear to God, there's something wrong with his spine. Why were they telling me that he wants to do the Jiu-Jitsu tournament then? Maybe he wants to get straightened out. Twist them back to normal. You rack them back to... Wait a minute. Chris Catan is the little monkey guy

on SNL, right? Whoa. Hey. No, you're thinking, Jesus. No, we're not that cancel proof. Jesus. Ah, damn, Bobby.

It was so good, no one got it. We were all talking. I said you were thinking Tim Meadows. Yeah, it was great. It's Corvallius, guys. It was very racist. It was delightful. I take it back.

Ha ha. My dad would have fucking wrecked your Wrecked my shit. My dad was an actual criminal. Actually, my dad was a fucking pussy. You know what? All I mean is a knife.

I'd fucking wreck his shit. I don't understand, though. We're saying in our prime, in your prime, you would beat the fuck out of your dad. No, I think I'd beat the shit out of my dad. You're talking about us. In his prime also. He was murdered at 26, so

that kind of was his prime. No, not weapon. You'd beat the shit out of him. You're like the toughest guy I know. I got a good question. I got a good question. Louis' dad with a knife versus Phil Gillis. Ooh.

I swear to God. Hector Gomez with a knife versus Phil Killis Justice. This is the super fight the people want. Only in America. How tall was he? He was like six feet tall, but he was pretty jacked. He was pretty jacked. Well, with a knife then, yeah, Phil would have trouble.

But it's not a big blade. Phil was a problem. It's one of those ones that they carry. Oh, yeah. It's the little switch blade. Phil will go, that hell is. Oh, fuck. Hey man, wrong neighborhood.

No, Phil was a, yeah, he's a big guy. What'd your father do? He played football, but then he, like, literally every, all he did was fight. Every single story he told, he was, like, it was just him fighting. Just kicking ass. And then every story they told about my grandpa was him fighting and, like, attacking people. And then I found an article that said he had, my grandpa played for Notre Dame, and he got his skull crack. in like 1930.

Oh, that's what they made you walk it off. For real. They were like, Gillis is out against Purdue because of a head injury. It was 1930. It was like, he must have been really fucked up. And then he clearly had a CT, yeah. Yeah, because they played it with all their helmets.

He was him, like, assaulting people. He died, he got a heart surgery. And the way he died was he woke up from the operating table and tried to attack the nurses. And his heart exploded and he died. That's wild. He woke up out of the surgery like, you might what you do to me

that just died damn dude what if we found out Gillis was like Irish for attack it's in his blood he was yeah those are all big guys he was like six five so did he just stop working on him when he attacks

I think his heart literally exploded oh fuck odd pop yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you can't wake up let go let go let go you can't wake up from a heart surgery and go crazy you'll die he did my grandpa died Can he take anybody with him?

No, I'm sure he grabbed somebody. He's like, ah, bitch. He said, unprice fingers from someone's fucking shirt. I don't know, Hector Gomez was a gang member, but he did have a weakness in his lower intestine. What was the name of your father's gang? I don't know.

The gomites? The gomites. I don't think it was a weakness. in a gang. He was just like a fucking, you know, gang-like dude in Patterson, New Jersey, which is one of the nastiest neighborhoods in the world. Have you been to... Patterson,

New Jersey's gotten worse somehow. But isn't there a good part? There's no good part of Patterson, New Jersey. He was murdered in the good part. By the way, this just in from our producer, Danny, Chris Catan had a broken neck while on SNL.

Pussy. Yeah. That was 40 years ago. Well, we've now identified his weakness, attack him in the tournament. Damn, that's your dad? Yeah, yeah. Your dad's Jack, dude. Yeah, it was a mute. It's an athlete. Is your dad young? That photo looks like it's from the 90s. No, that's an old one, yeah. No, I think my dad's like 68.

Damn, it's still young. Yeah. Bobby, that's because it's younger than you. Just showing these guys pictures of my dad. That's quality podcasting. Yeah. The first guest showed up and showed one guy a picture of his dad. That's fun, though. For quality. For two years of him.

I'm like, we've got to get Shane on. It's going to blow this thing up. We're just showing photos, family photographs. My dad was strong a while ago. All right, thank you. The numbers are pouring in, boys. Tonight we have the after party of the Shrimp Club, too. Legion of Saints is hosting me.

Are you guys coming? Oh, definitely. Yeah, me and, yeah, we're definitely. Me and Dan were talking about it this afternoon. I'll be there. Can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait.

I'm going to be there. Lewis. The reason I brought up that waitress at the cabana is because I watched Bobby have game. Bobby's got game. Bobby's got fucking low-key game. Look at those bracelets.

Of course he does. You know what's funny? You forgot he was hot in the 90s, dude. That doesn't leave you. I did watch Bobby talk to a pretty girl and I watched her melt into him. I was like, what is going on right now? She's still in there.

No one can make eye contact. Was she in a metal bikini chain to him? It's a shout out to that guy. Hey, you guys are friends again. Nice. Dude, I watched him. He like walked him. her down. She was actually listening to him.

It was impressive. That's nice. Is that true? Yeah. I bet you had more, more pussy, is that the word? More pussy than all of us. Yeah. No. You started getting pussy four years ago. It's not true. I started getting pussy. I've been getting pussy since I was

15 years old, Bobby. You've been getting pussy, but not pussy pussy pussy pussy. This is getting so gay. I got pussy before you. You're talking tourgasm pussy? Torgasm pussy's nuts. That must have been crazy. The disappointment if you're trying to fuck Dane and you get to fuck Bobby Kelly instead

Those girls were fucking bummed Bobby was the bad boy He was the bad Bobby's like I'll show you the real Superfinger Yeah Remember the Superfinger was the thing that day I don't know they're young Did you get a lot of pussy on orgasm?

Well I was dating my wife at this time So no But So it's up now Did Dane ever talk? I love Bob Bobby, he literally is going to get himself in trouble, but he cannot not brag about getting pussy on tourguess. He's like, dude, you know.

I mean, no, I'm going to say no, but, you know. I'll tell you who got a lot. I'm just saying I take a lot of showers, and it wasn't because I was sweaty, you know. I wash so much pussy juice off me. Did they never toss you women? No. Bobby, I don't want this one.

I didn't like the, he liked the smoking hot tens. What, yeah, what are you? I like, I like, I like, I like, yeah, this is gross. I wouldn't be caught dead with a smoking hot tin I don't like that I like a chick with a hot body and a goofy face I like a dead dude Hey you know what it's a pitch you can hit

I get it Like maybe a fucked up eye But it's like abs you know what I Of course we all like that Because that's attainable Yeah I like you can't be like No no I don't like perfect tens Yeah I don't

It's not for me I'm not into it Yeah it's not up to you That's not even a thing But even if Because I felt like a hot 10 they always fucking, but a chick with a dead tooth or a gap,

she was a little down to earth and could have a conversation with her. I'm the same way. I've never been into like threesomes with hot twins, just never been my thing. Yeah, yeah, fuck that. I don't care for that shit. No, I like a woman I can talk to.

Like the one with the cross-eyed isn't going to be fucking just as annoying. You're right, she's going to probably be more annoying. She's getting no social skills at all. She sucks. Hot chicks are fun. They love life. it's a different annoying

it's a you know they're down to earth they're like a down-to-earth girl Bobby likes a bruised peach Bobby likes an earthy girl yeah I uh but I tell you what Dane got a lot of shit like people like dude he's gay

whatever Dane got a lot of Dane got a lot he started late in life but when he started getting famous that dude he's Damn you know some real dark secrets don't you Yeah I got some Cancel Dane right now come on Bobby

How much baby oil did he buy? Dane. Cancel Dane. Bobby, honestly, how many stories do you have that could... How many stories do you have that could ruin Dane's life? None? None? No.

I want you to tilt. Cheap to camera. No. I'm writing you. No, I got none. No, he didn't fucking... He banged chicks. Yes, he did.

He banged chicks. This is such a clear cover-up. Me and Bid J have like three stories on each other that could destroy each other's lives. Is that going to be the final episode of Story Wars? You go, guys, it's time to burn it down. I was there. That's what keeps us coming back every year. We're like, you know what, dude, we've got to come back.

Dude, Bobby, you definitely have a story about being in, like, Minneapolis, and a girl's like, help! Bobby's like, I didn't see nothing, dude. Do you ever have your friend? You have your friend see some stuff? You have your friend see some stuff that he can't tell other people? Have you ever been... If he tells me, it'll lose all the money that you've made?

You've made all the money? You take her pants off without asking Just fucking She's asleep but you want it Have you done Dane before That's crazy That was really good Thanks dog right off the hip

That was great Bobby's good back You gotta fucking cut that day No you can leave it I got nothing What you don't know about Dane He's litigious One thing

We used to do the show They do the meet and greet after the show And then there was always like a party when he did that big tour and I would get 10 tickets to give it to fans but his management would go out and give it just to smoke

their tickets to smokers. I mean just smokers. But I would go out and give the college is fucking ruled. It was a college tour, right? No, that was the arena tour. Oh, I thought it was the college tour. That was tourgazism.

How old were you during Torgasm? What's that? How old were you? 20 something? Oh, you were in your 20s? Do you imagine being a Dane Cook show with your girl? and some guy walks up and gives her a ticket

and you go, and what about me? I would go out and give... Dude, if your girl left you to go backstage at a Dean Cook show? She's Dean Cook. It's Employee of the Month. The amount of guys that have that story from the year 2000. It's good luck, Chuck.

Yeah, there'd be nothing you could do at the time. That would suck. Yeah, that would hurt. I'd be into it. What the fuck? I got a score. Well, you're boxing out Dan. Yeah, it's been pretty rude.

I just haven't said. It's crazy. You're like fucking Horace Graham. What do you want me to fucking do? I don't know. You made a horseshoe without me. Dan. Are you and Dan fighting?

No, face out. Why? You're boxing him out. He can't get a rebound. Like this? Yeah, that's perfect. There we go. But now lower.

It is uncomfortable. Yeah, to sit forward. Yeah, I don't want to. As the timekeeper, we got about 20 minutes. Dan. Boom. Fuck you. You need me.

You fucking need me. Dan's always looking at that clock. Looking for the way out, folks. Passionless. Passionless, fuck you. I make us great. Passionless. I keep us tight.

I don't get any credit. I brought Shane in, and he's been killing, kind of. I don't know, but his dad is the big dog in these parts now. You guys did not see the photo. That was. I've been trying to be quiet. I've been trying to let the regs cook.

These people came here for classic regs. They don't want me. They came here for that classic regs. They want that smooth regs. Bobby, what's your topic? I hate this fucking... Yeah, I know. What is your problem?

What's your topic? Do you want to go on the end? Do you want to switch spots? No, no, no. All right, here's my topic. You ready? Bobby didn't have a topic. He's thinking of it right now.

He hasn't been talking about it. I got it. He got it. He goes, if you ever... Every time you... Ornaments. No. Do you like diamonds in the sky?

What do you think of the day? Screens, giant screens. Four them are against them. Big crowds, people smiling. Dude, you guys got to cut that 20 minutes about Dane. He's going to fucking sink me. Yeah. I got a topic, fuck face.

I'm excited. All right, if you... could get jump on somebody's coattails from any time Louis Gomez easy but not chain excluded if you could jump on somebody's coattail and be and just go with them like I did with Dane I did with Louis what a what a what a what a shitty question see this is why I fucking hit you jump on anyone's he sets me up you're gonna fantasize his jumping on coattails

what a what a what do you say no no no What did you say? Neck, N-E-G-E-G-E-R. Yo, what? What the fuck? Let's just hope our... Holy shit. That was crazy, dude.

No, Bobb! Oh! Yeah. Feels good. You know what I meant. Yeah, sure, Kramer. I meant... I didn't say that.

Do that have been awesome? That girl popped in the door, and she's like, well, What is that? I meant, you know, when you neg somebody. Yeah, yeah, sure. You should get all the fucking time. We're not going to sit there and fantasize about riding coattails. What a psycho.

You should. I would go, I would go Jeffrey Epstein. Nice. There you go. Yeah, because honestly. Thank you, Shane. Or Trump would be a good one. Trump would be a fucking great one.

You stayed loyal to that guy the whole time? Dude, what about Elvis Presley? That would be a good one. Because that was back in the 50s where you just left to town and knowing it saw you. Hey, I just fucked a 15-year-old Hey, Dan, I got

a problem. Hey, I'm Dan Cook. Bobby watched. I just said the University of Maryland and boy,

let me tell you I fucked a 15-year-old and Bobby cried on the couch. Bobby Bobby cried on the couch when I was fucking a 15-year-old.

Bobby finger-fucked a cripple in the corner. Hey, guys, we got to do something. She's unresponsive. That's very close to a I'm all shook up. Hey, I'm Bobby.

You're rid of this buddy, you know? No, no, no, no. You can't be the topic. You said it sucked. No, it's a good topic. No, you're not allowed to be on it, dude. You're not allowed to do. I can't be in the topic of that fucking riff.

You're out. Riff rules. Those are the rules. Those are the riff rules. Sorry, dude. I don't fucking be a baby. Enjoy a Lewis List podcast. No, don't do this.

Don't do that. Skim fucking milk. imagine the regs without Lewis yeah sounds great actually you know it sounds like a better show if we had to get rid of one of us who would it be do you guys want to know what time it is no Dan I vote me I was having fun why are you trying to ruin it with the time

don't do this don't turn on their side yeah this what we do I'm gonna join the red you love rules stop it I hate rules stop it I fucking hate rules you're a white everybody knows I hate rules you're a white male your father would be disappointed. Shane, you have to swap out two people from Protect Our Parks for two of the regs

to make the perfect podcast, in your opinion. Now, that's a topic. That's a topic. Wow. Do you see? You got there through my fucking topic. How? How? How? Because I... The Elvis riff was great, Bobby. I motivated you.

Nice. Shane. No, go back to fighting him. No. So I don't have to answer it. No, I would say obviously you need roguies, otherwise it's nothing. Yeah. They're booing you. Shut up, freaks.

Freaks. Damn you people. Freaks. Now, I would say, I need Danny Sodies. I need Sodies in my life. I love you. I love you, Morgan. Yeah, Dan.

And then, uh... And who are you getting rid of for these? Well, I said we need... You need Rogan, so it's just me, Rogan, so... It's a big moment for me. And then I would say... Come on, buddy. Come on.

Come on. You don't need... We need Lewis. No, no, no, no, no. No, we need Lewis. It's okay, I just need, we need Lewis. What? He's now a show, Joe.

Damn, they don't need quips. What for diversity? Now, he lost the gun in the butt thing earlier and he kind of needs to win. Anyway. When our show is going to be better. Yeah, it's going to be great. Who do we get, Ari and Mark? You're an Ari and Mark.

That's going to be great. That is a good show. You guys actually, they actually have a better show. We wish you guys the best of luck. It's all right. We can make that work. I would love to be on Rogan's coattails. Ari's been funny a couple times.

Yeah, he'll pissing something and throw it at somebody. Yeah, he does wacky stuff. Oh, yeah, that's what I was going to tell you. Then Ari, we lose voices and we get fucking wacky shit. Ari stole my phone and then I nearly shut down the entire festival. And I was like, I told him to turn off all the music and I started yelling at all the employees to find my phone. And it was just Ari with it in his pocket in the corner. How hard did you?

commit to that. I was so angry, dude. I had to use the find my iPhone thing. New topic. This is my topic. Just go. Something else. All right, it's fine. Dude, that is the fucking funniest thing I've seen on this podcast. You just hit the forward

the forward button on Lewis. 15 seconds. 15 seconds. We're in the convent. That's a fucking ad read. That's an ad read story. That's like changing the song from the back seat. Yeah, yeah. You reached over the seat. No.

Different topic. Lewis, here's a topic. If you had to give this festival up, your fucking pancreas, you're dying. I'm dying. You're on your deathbed. Deathbed. You're going to give the festival to be the face,

the runner, the, whatever you are to this festival, who's taken over? Is it James? Is it a comic? Is it... It's not James. He would make it fucking about like... He's your son. My father was a skank.

I'm a skate. He said the N-word. I say the N-Rourne. Ha ha ha ha ha.