Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Sherlock Holmes Whore

Episode Date: April 23, 2018

Paul Virzi and Dave Landau join Robert Kelly for a crazy ride through misinterpreted party invitations, exploits with sex toys and the true cost having a sex robot! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a claustrophic. It's podcast. It has no rules. What are the mic-ass holes? I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic-o-ho?

Oh, what the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic-head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and yapping. Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's a tad no pop. It's no direction. I love doing it.

Play both sides of the coin. That's how it all holds. That's your motherfuckers. You want a day you think my podcast is popular enough where I might affect somebody's life. You never know. To Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on whitecast.com. How we doing? It's up.

Is that good? Yeah. Welcome to another edition of YKWD. You know what, Doug? That's what that stands for. Dad, guess what, Doug? You know what, Doug? You know what, Doug?

I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going. You know what, that's what that stands for.

Dead guess what, dead. You know what, dead. Dead? That's what that is. I was wanting to ask you, how did that come about? It's just because what you say, how do you always say it? Yeah, I used to, it was it, it was burr, but then it was Norton.

And then it was, yeah, that it was Norton kinda. Did you know what? Cause anytime I'm fucking, I get passionate about something. You say that. I go, dude, you know what, dude? Yeah. You know what, dude? You do, dude.

And then Burr would be like, you know what, dude? You know what, dude? And then, and then I started doing a podcast, of course, I'm sitting there going, you know what, dude? Fucking Obama, dude. And I was just like, let's just name it that. That's great. It was you know what, dude, and Obama, dude. And I was just like, let's just name it that. That's great. It was you know what, dude, and then it became YKWD.

And then everybody, I didn't fit with you on your phone in a hotel room. You did YKWD back in the day. Like eight years ago. When I first started this fucking high-jinks. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, a long fucking time.

Yeah, maybe longer, because I know you're trying to, yeah, keep me sober, which was good. Yeah, we have, of course, we have a long fucking time. Yeah, maybe longer, because I know you're trying to keep me sober, which was good. Yeah, we have, of course, we have a couple of guests on. Let me just start off the show real quick by saying, thank you to laughable, one of the fucking, there you go, laughable.com, right on your screen, check it out. If you don't have the app, you don't know what the fuck's going on in life You're not fucking woke, son. You're not woke. You don't have a beard You ain't the shit. You don't have got sneakers that cost $500 and jeans you got out of a flea market and

A shirt from the 80s. That's dirty, but you like it Your sneakers cost more than your car. You ain't woke, son laughable. You want your wokes, son? Laffable.com, shut your face. You're either with me or against me. I'm with you. You know, Stanley Cudy. I'm with you. You know, Stanley Gorgeous.

I am with you. You either fucking be a good broad or a bad broad. I'm a good broad. Ah, laughable.com, it is a great app. If you love podcasting, please go download Lathable.com for iOS devices right now. There's a couple things I want to hit really quick before we do. We have, oh, OSIRQs was fucking great this weekend by the way.

I did a, I got a really good one on one outone out of it with this opener guy the middle or a feature whatever the fuck it is He Rocky day Day Dale Davis. Do you know him open for Ralph what the fuck Ralph you may No Rocky Dale Davis Rocky Dale Davis Country boy nice guy very polite. And then, kind of made me change my,

I mean, a little bit, and then, you know, funny guy. I mean, you know, yeah, funny. Yeah, funny guy. Made you change your what? He made me change, I don't know. I did a one on one with him from my Patreon. Make sure you check that out. Oh, I know him. I know him. Yeah, he's seen this guy before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did a one on one with them from my Patreon. Make sure you check that out. Oh, I know him. I know him. Yeah.

I've seen this guy before. Yeah. I've never met him though. Nice guy. Big kid. Nice guy. You know, anyways, sweet kid. Did a one on one with him from my Patreon. Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. Go there right now. This Monday, right now, it's out. Sunday night for Patreon people. It's out Matt Sarah. I did a

Live from the shed my TV show that I shoot from the shed. Yes, it's a TV show. It's not me holding up a fucking iPhone It's a three camera shoot on iPhones. It looks good. I saw it actually looks good. It looks great. 4k motherfucker Gabby knows. Yep Yes, thanks Okay, motherfucker, Gabby knows. Yep. Yes. Thanks. I'll take the third one. I'll take the third yeses for the rest of the show. Yes. Nope, that's not it. That was the second yes.

I want the third yeses. Nope, that was the first one. Yes, yes, yes. No. One, two, three yes. No. Yes. Yes, that's it. Okay. Yes. Yes. No, one two three. Yes. No. Yeah. Yes. Yes. That's it. Okay. Um So anyways

patreon.com I got that coming out. It's out today live people listening now Join up patreon.com slash Robert Kelly my channel is a madden the creeps of kids shows going up there I got a special podcast. I did what Talk about back in the day when I first started doing this yKB. We did it at my house at my kitchen table, me and Joe DeRosa. And this is before we called it YKWD. And fuck man, we got to a big fight. I'm talking to a couple of them,

but this one was a motherfucker. So bad I never aired the episode. Wow. So me and Joe are gonna go back and listen to it next time he's in town and unpack it and talk about it. Now hopefully you don't get to another fucking fuck you argument I'll let me talk for six months after that. I'll be funny if you guys did it again, and then you just fought again. Oh my god So and the comedy seller Vegas go to comedy sell.com and check out all the beautiful comedy seller vague that's Dave Landon. Let's just talk about him right there comedy seller Vegas

What the fuck was that? Sorry? What was that that was your phone? What are you doing with my phone? Why are you looking at my phone? I'm reading all your text messages Give me the fucking phone. No, she's updating the tweet. Oh, thank you Michael Michael solid guy Oh fucking snuck in a little toilet. You are. I want to say this right now. Uh, get a, first of all, we got, we got, uh, one of my favorites. I don't know on the fucking planet tonight. Right? I mean, one of my favorite people walk in earth. I mean, not just because he's a Westchester, best chest. Thank you. I didn't know you were talking about me. Thank you. You're one of my favorite. I know this fucking guy man I'm three times twice

I really like days I'm a fucking of my favorite person in the world Yeah, we I'm Paul Versey. I mean come on son. I love being a salad comic too. Oh, man Past at the seller that was pretty nuts got past at the seller. Oh, I love being on salad comic too. Oh, man, fast at the seller. That was pretty nuts. Got past at the seller. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah. Thanks. And he fucking murdered the other night. Yeah, it was fun. It was fun. Funny this thing is all my first time and I guess it happens a lot. My first set my first regular paid spot there ever was last Monday and

They were like yeah, so Chris rock comes in. He's just sitting there talking and the guy who's supposed to go before me, Joe Mackey goes up. It's like, oh, I guess Chris is not going up. And I'm sure enough they're like, I tell Mike Yard, I go, hey, dude, I'll be downstairs waiting, you know, because I was just, you know, it was my first one at the seller in nervous. You know, you know that you know that the, you know that the weights that a good nervous, not like freaking out. Excited. An excited nervous that you haven't had in a while.

Yeah, yeah. It was like an excited like, oh shit, you know, I do sets every night. I do multiple sets in the city, but now I'm doing like one where, you know, you work to stand, the stands, I'm fucking top comedy club in the club. Yeah, I'm still get those excited nerves at the stand too. And motherfuckers work. I mean, the motherfuckers work over. When I know that like the way Steph's watching there were like listen,

Chris is going to go up. And then you go up. And I'm just waiting. And then he goes up. And as soon as he gets on stage, I mean, he could have said anything. And they were just fuck, I mean, they went fucking berserk. And then I went on stage after and I had to address it. And I actually told a crowd, I go, look, this is my first regular. At the seller and they all start clapping. I go fuck your clips. I got to follow Good rock and it was a good icebreaker, but yeah, man. It was it was fucking awesome. I had to set that up

What's that me and Bruce set that up? I love being on the show. You know you are one of my listen. There's a couple of guys that I there's a handful of guys Bobby's just you know, Bobby's one of my favorites. You're one of my favorite people. I mean, dude, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, it was one of the funny, well, we're gonna get into it. It's gonna be fun. I hope so. I hope we're funny. No, it's not gonna be both comedy, child funny.

We are. We both stink tonight. Gabby, Dave and Mike just take the show. You're like, listen, listen to the last one. We were both. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I Who wouldn't air it? Fucking air it in 10 years. There you go. I got a real good one that me and very least happened to you guys. Don't want to show the shelves. Is that is that going on here? What the shelves behind us?

Yeah. The curtains are new since I've had it. That is a good fucking question. Yeah, you got wooden dildo. You had some records. You had some pictures. And now it's just we'd still have the wooden dildo. We have the plastic dildo.

We have the square cut dildo. There's many dildos behind this curtain. All right. It's like all is why why Why I don't know first I mean why why are you so observant? Because I used to like looking at all the things and you had some God box as an ADDS all I get you tin foil the fuck I'll hold it up over my head. I'm not fucking ADDS all I remember. I'll get you a tin foil, the fuck, I'll hold it up over my head, what do you want me to do? I'm not fucking ADDS all I remember.

I'll get you a tin foil, the fuck, I'll hold it up over my head. What do you want me to do? That's the fuck. Does this Gabby's doing, was this you? No. No. No, Gabby didn't do anything. Just shift the focus. I don't do anything.

I don't do anything. Instead of the cocks. Just be a, she wanted the square gun cock for some reason. I don't know, she was fighting me for it. I don't want that. I still wanted that. Did you see that fucking, did you see that birthday cake that is a cock, but it fucking just spits out whipped cream

on a woman's face? Dude, you got it. Dude, this woman, it goes, it was a... Get that from my wife. Yeah, you could, you could, you could, you could, you to it or something. There is a... Did you sing that song?

Yeah, happy, happy, happy. There's a woman, it was like a video that went viral. This woman was just like, they're like happy birthday and it was a cock cake. But then all of a sudden it was like a video that my bar this woman was just like they're like happy birthday and it was a cock cake But then all of a sudden it just started spitting out whipped cream on her face and everyone's laughing It was fucking ridiculous. Yeah How do you enjoy? That's somebody's mother

Like Mike trying to fucking birthday cake. They cake penis. No much shit's gonna come up with Just put like Take take penis no much shit's gonna come up with Like Peanus cake penis cake that squirts. Yes, I'm like Make it work it wordy. Yeah, penis cake that squares Fall into a woman's face and she was kind of pissed off period That's actually the title of it Yeah, what's this is hilarious? Okay, let's see if we can try. This, don't say, I think it's fun. I mean, it's not. Don't back out.

Don't back out. I'm just saying. The third one down. Stop one second. Hold on a second. I stopped. You said it's hilarious. All I said was, did you see the woman, with her face doing it, it was kind of funny, you know?

But you said, but hang on, no, no, no, no. You said it was hilarious. I thought it was hilarious. Now you see, here's what you're doing. You're pumping the brinks. I just said, did you guys see the thing? And then I said it was, I thought it was hilarious. But, you, here's what you're doing. You're pumping the brakes. I just said that you guys see the thing and then I said it was, I thought it was hilarious. But you know, no, listen, I'm cool with you thinking it is hilarious. I'm just saying this isn't probably hilarious.

Okay, I stand by it. I think it's, I think it's back up dude. All right, listen, I'm giving you an out of it. You're not taking it. All right, God, it's fucking the funniest thing ever. First of all, I'm contributing. I got fucking jump contributing material to the show. I got some fucking shit getting blessed.

Oh, no. The third one down looks like a sex prisoner by the way. Why can't we watch this? It's called Jack. I'm gonna get a side. He hate cock sucking. And it looks like the third one down is like a very unhappy sex prisoner blowing a cake.

All right. Well, yeah, of course that's Dave Landau. Hello. Who I've known for a very long time. Yes. I will get out. Of course, that's Dave Landau. Hello. I've known for a very long time. Yes. I knew this kid. I met him at Kansas City. A total, hang on one second, Michael.

A total fucking drunk. Yes. I mean, literally, I'm at Kansas City. I met, that was the last time I was there, I believe. He was there. 10 years ago, man. 10 years ago, I remember fucking, I remember being at the pool, it was a blizzard. And the pool was heated pool.

It went from inside to outside. And I swam outside in a blizzard. And there was a tornado, a snow tornado over the heated pool because of the cold air and the warm air, right? And I'm sitting there with my bald head. And there was a snow tornado going around my head. It was one of the most magical times of my life. You made me swim with you because you told me how magical it was. Did you swim with you? I did swim with you. We were going in and

out of the frozen water. I don't remember that part. I wish you didn't bring that up on my show. You were missed with my manly friend. You made me swim with them. I think it's a little, all right, hashtag me to relax. You were angrier than it made you really happy. Your mood changed really quickly. Oh, it was so beautiful. Wasn't it fun? It really was.

It was darling. Oh, so fun. It was one of the better times I've had. So he's a fucking little, just a drunk. And then I see him again at the funny bone in Columbus, Ohio. Fuck it. The guy has to blow his car to get it started. Yep. Little, he's got a, he's a DWI.

He's got a blow into, Oh, blow his car. And every 20 minutes with driving to go somewhere to get lunch, he's got a sucka's car's dick. Yeah, he was going. And you were getting mad because I wouldn't put my cigarette out because I smoked back then. And you're like, put out the fucking cigarette

if you're gonna blow in your car It was a fucking night. This kid was a nightmare. How long have you been sober? Uh, I've been sober for well my last relapse in 2014. Okay, so you're relapse just once get out of here. All right. I'll see you there It's part of recovery. I wasn't like a chronic relapse or but I relapse on 2012 at a party It's part of recovery. I wasn't like a chronic relapse or but I relapse 2012 at a party It was supposed to be a boys in the hood party which I didn't realize it was people watching boys in the hood in the entertainment industry So I showed up dressed as ice cube. Oh, no and carrying forties and I was so embarrassed I decided to drink the forties

I just I'll explain Party my buddy is the is I'll explain. That's fucking nuts. Thank God. That's party. My buddy is in charge of drama development for Fox. So he's like, you should come here and meet these people. I'm having a boys in the hood party. And I was like, okay, cool. So I got a Jerry Curl and a Detroit hat and all this.

I had the Detroit hat. But I show and I went and bought 240s of malt liquor for props. I told myself and I show up and everybody's in suits except for me who's dressed like ice cube. And literally this manager is talking to me about and living color because I was interviewing for it at the time and I go, well, yeah, she goes, yeah, the show's taken forever to get on the air and I'm dressed as ice cube and I go, yeah, well, the show's on CP time, which I didn't know is offensive because I'm from Detroit

See that time is not offensive. That's I didn't know that's just what all my black friends They were late in the fucking 40s. Right. I swear to God It's just how my friends in Detroit would say that's how they got places It's what my friends say, but I'm not gonna rat them out on a podcast your fucking theme Well, I'm just telling you what happened. You don't think me and version of me and version of road giga fucking using CP time well yeah but she the lady who's like an agent goes what's that and I go color people time and she storms over to lesbian lover they grab their small dog oh my god storm mountain leaves so I like offended the whole party while

looking like the most racist human being on the planet rest is ice cube you would have been better off wearing a hood. Oh my god. Oh, I would have been better if I was a clown. Yeah, the only thing you know was fucking black face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it was worse than black face. It was actually, that was modern black face.

Yeah, it's, yeah. Had I been wearing white gloves and singing Mami, they would have thought of more respectful. That's a great thing for you to tell it on. The artist was popular at the time. Oh, god, that's so funny. Yeah, and I ended up getting black out drunk that night off of 240s and then I would have two.

See, I would have went out to it. It was the most innocent thing that just went off the rails. Why did you think that? Why did you think that? As an adult though, what kind of friends do you have? I swear to you. So where do they go? Where do you bring those?

Oh, they have an, what is it? A party? What kind? Boys in the hood party. First of all, who? Okay, listen, if Verzy of a call member says, yo, we're having a what is it a part what cutting boys in the hood part first of all who okay listen If verse you ever called me I mean says yo having a good fellows party. I'm not going out and getting a fucking outfit I'm going to three pieces I'm gonna try a lasagna I got some money got

I came to your house and there was no little gopch. And I, I'm on any post. You mind if I pat your dog like a cat? You just started being somebody with a shoe? Why would you? I would have brought a shine box. I mean, like what did you, what did you, you did? But like, don't you think that you're just,

like would you think you're just watching the movie like I thought it was a costume party What who has caught with you hang out of the theater groups you fucking ass. Yes. I started You fucking queens you fucking improv queens Hey guys Harry Potter Thursday Get your wands I was just No one here in alcoholic. You're fucking trapped inside, son. No, I thought it was what they met.

My friend's thought it was too, except my two friends that I came with who also wore boys in the hood shit. Oh, geez. Brought a change of clothes, so they were like, I'll be right back, and I got this. I would have loved to see the people's face when they opened the door, and you just have have Jerry curl and I think everyone's in suits It was my friend who was in charge of drama development Fox like dude. What the fuck are you doing?

I would love to see them out of gas. They can get shot by another gang Just guys in their way to a minute society party. Yes, exactly To get out of the living color at the time. It's a writer. Yeah, yeah. It's a CP time. You know, you know, you know, this is the act like a Wayne's brother. They have white people on their two. Well, dead one.

Well, two dead one at a time. Yeah, that's last. They're John Pannette long later. What'd you say? Did you lost the cake? They lost the cake. What the fuck ADDD you got? We're still on fucking colored people time. This cock's I could dress up and is it don't life. No the screen change that's why. Yeah it does change. Okay, I'm gonna do that. It doesn't go you listen. I'm really

glad you're ready. I'm glad you hid those cocks. I gotta be honest. I can't bring him out. I don't want you to get me all fucking weirded out. Listen. Yeah, bring out the cops. It was the dumbest thing ever. And then I was a great, I was sad. I was sober for four more years after that than I relapsed in that show. What you relapsed the second time was,

what was your comment? And I got kicked off. You got kicked off last comic and you relapsed? What you think you were gonna win? No. I might do it, honey. No, it was weird because like I was going far enough, I offended Rosanne and then I was kicked off the show.

And then I had a friend first off. You tell him how to tell you the joke. Please, I was talking about periods or however I got into it. And I said the first time I saw a string hanging out of there, I said, oh good, you caught the mouse. Do you remember that joke? Is that your joke? Oh, that's your joke. I love that joke. That was one of the jokes that I really fell in love with you. I was like, I love this kid's fun.

Yeah. And she didn't get it. So I made fun of her for not getting it. And Ken and Russell were fucking dying laughing because I kept making it work. That's a great, why would you get offended by that? Yeah, she was mad because then she didn't get it and then I made fun of her for not getting, like jokingly, that's a judge of an NBC show make fun, like barely poking. And then I literally went from thinking I was going,

I don't get it. She was embarrassed as she didn't get it. I don't get it. So I went for it. Why was it a trap in every giant? I don't get it. I don't understand. I'm as fat as us. I don't get it. I don't understand. I'm as fat as her.

I don't get it. I don't, why was the most and what? So I went from like thinking I was going to the finals to the basement of the Recartle Montalbon theater talking to suicide prevention counts. Oh my God. Yeah, they're like, oh, they're like, do you,

are you gonna hurt yourself or others? I'm like, I can think of worse things that I've done in my life than being on NBC. I want to show it up to party just like a black guy. Yeah, I just just seen it four years ago. In front of some of the most important people in my industry. I could think of one,

Jerry Curls, a 40, twobians with a fucking cat. Yeah My friends in charge of My friends in charge of comedy at CBS. There's a reason I don't have a writing job. It was that way. Oh my god She does is you talking. I don't get it Your wife had it go No, she was Party go well, I see If I were home, Percy and I said to my wife I need I need to go to Ricky's

Give me give me Jericho Wiggins of 40 and a fucking car hide Ricky's I She'd be like for what I'd be like I don't want to fucking cost the body. She'd be like alright, come here's a seat back to stay there First of all it's my life. Let me leave the house with a stain on my shirt It's like me. Oh my wife was not around that way like she would have shot me a meeting Oh, fuck no, no, it was it was like the middle of May, too. It wasn't like October. Did you have kids, dude?

Not at the time. Oh, thank God. Thank God. My son came three years ago. Oh, good. Yeah, yeah. No, no, I did not at the time. So you got booted off a, I mean, that's one of my favorite jokes.

But it's, thank you. Emmy Rosanne didn't get it and then she wasn't, like, he didn't love it because I mean, he's a Reverend anyway. I Russell loved it, but she, yeah, she was just but her that she didn't get the joke. Yeah. Wow. She was embarrassed.

I think too. I mean, I could be wrong. I think who's getting in is decided backstage and somebody's going to not pick that guy. Well, there's black guy good looking guy, somewhat a Reverend. What are you? You know, I'm just white guy. Nobody wants there's black guy good looking guy somewhat a reverend. What are you? You know, yeah, I'm just white guy. Nobody wants on there. I don't know. You gotta I mean, I don't at the time though for the top five. They're really trying to push like Okay, Mexican white guy white girl, you know, and

Lachlan Patterson is a piece of ask Oh, me, Lachlan Patterson. He was at five really funny comic. Really? Yeah, yeah, I was at talk it. Yeah, yeah, he's really funny. Oh Patterson, he was at five, really funny comic. Really? Was that talk it? Yeah, yeah, he's really funny. Wow. Joe Mackey was top five. Joe Mackey's really, really good.

Love really. Yeah, I mean, I think you're very funny too. People might know him too, because you were on, you're one of Anthony Cumias favorite co-hosts. Yeah, yeah, I love you. I mean, he's favorite. Thank you. Besides, Artie.

I love doing Anthony Show, man. It's the best. You great on it. Thank you, man. Thank you very much. Anthony's the best, isn't he? Dude, he show man. It's the best you great on it. Thank you, man Thank you very much. Anthony's the best isn't he dude? He's just he's the best broadcast forever in my opinion. I think him and Ron Bennington's amazing. I think Ron Bennington is one of the greatest radio people I've ever been I think as far they're lightning fast They're two different things You know when it comes to it But yeah, I mean fast. I mean you can't get any faster and funny as cool me and

Impressions wise and just everything you can jump on the dude can talk about anything. I'm ever being on ONA In Anthony, we just get on a fucking tear and you literally just sit back and just let it go You just sit back and then you know, they just feed them just feed them shit. Yeah, just keep going. Oh, so funny. I'm missed those Whatever I'm the beast though, and he's just a professional. Yeah, he is alright. No sucking Anthony's cock All right, that big fucking huge Italian mule. He's got beautiful bass. I've seen it lovely Party or I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it.

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I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen Yeah We're doing a scene from anti-craze Well, here's the thing I sprayed the shit out of a wig so it was God you did no shiny hair spray. Oh shit. You did so glow. I did come into America basically my god Would you have a drippy you know what it is if your shoulders were wet? Oh There's more races to be honest. They might have you know, you'd add fucking Gabby's dad hair He has a cherry curl. Oh, there's the best his Is he really girl, fully. The best, his shirt. Is he really?

Yeah, you know what dad, fucking in Bon Jovi. Bring this up real quick right now. Let me tell you something right now. And I wanna, we're gonna go to the sidetrack. We're going back to the dick tank. Okay, I, Bon Jovi got inducted to the Hall of Fame. Rock and roll Hall of Fame this weekend. There's a guy right there.

Look at that fucking man. Look at that. That's your dad? Yeah. That's awesome. David, right. So listen, here's a deal. God inducted to the Hall of Fame, okay, which is, I mean, way overdue.

The band is a fucking juggernaut, okay? I don't give a fuck what you say. You like Bon Jovi, whether you admit it or not. One song at least. I don't give a fuck what you say. You like Bon Jovi, whether you admit it or not. One song at least. I don't give it exact. Everybody sings that song. Whether you admit it or not, you cannot fucking tell me. Fuck you.

I mean, my son loves him. Loves him. I listen to fucking Bon Jovi more than anybody. Before I even knew her, I mean, it's just, you love you love Bon Jovi right they finally get inducted to the Hall of Fame They all got to go up now. Here's the thing jovi's last of course To make the speech they all gonna make a speech how would Stern first of all yeah, yeah fucking Let me tell you something. I don't know if you wrote that he had somebody help him write it one of the funny It now is a little nervous because I'm a huge Howard Stern friend right huge Howard Stern friend I've liked him since Channel nine back in Boston

when I didn't even know what the fuck New York was I used to watch that shit and try to and I have to find his show somewhere then he came to Boston I was so excited afternoons they replay it came to New York big fan, I was nervous that he was gonna go up and fuck you know what I mean? When you've peeros, he went up and did a fucking standup set, murdered, murdered. Like I mean, he could host a fucking award show. It was genius, it was so fucking funny. Yeah, cause I was gonna say the only time I ever hosted

anything was like fart man, and it was just, he fucking timing was the shit. He's great though. He would he was he was trashing the guy Who runs the fucking hot, but he would he did like David Teller's beautiful at it He would he'll say something about Regis go. I'm just kidding. Yeah, like he would say something so fuck you to this guy And go out anyways, let's move on. And it just made it all right. You know what I mean? Because you don't want to hear somebody just being mean to somebody, it has to be funny.

Right. He killed it. Now I'm sitting there going, oh shit, these guys got to go up and give this fucking speech. All the guys in Bon Jovi. And let's be honest, the odds are not everybody's going to give the greatest speech. And I was nervous about Gabby's dad.

I think your dad, out of the whole band, gave the best speech. It was great, right? You know why? It was funny. He's funny. Let's not get carried away. All right. No, he's really funny.

He's very funny, but he had, you don't want it to be serious. You want it to be funny. You want it to be to the point. And you don't want it to be too wordy. You don't want it to sit there. You want it to be funny. You want it to be to the point and you want it You don't want it to be too wordy. You don't want to sit there like, you know, right? She was cool But he kind of said Richie tried to be poignant and it wasn't like he's seen went off on a tangent He said some big word that didn't match You know, you know people of people we all together, you know, I mean something like that

Everybody else was cool, but your dad. You go? Yeah, you were there. I was just gonna ask that. That's awesome. That's amazing. Great fucking speech. That's great. Can we hear a little bit of it?

Do you got it? I'm trying to find where it is. Did they induct in Cleveland? Yeah. You can just see it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Switches between Cleveland and Brooklyn. Okay. That's what I thought. His big, look at the size of his head. You know, they have a better version of that, Michael. But it's all right. They could find it. Yeah, that's all right. Play that.

Just get the guy's iPhone one. He becomes somebody. From the streets in New Jersey to the stages of the world, for my own personal journey in Broadway, and now in Cleveland to the Rock of War. Just the Jersey Gatton. He's so fucking Jersey. Look at him. I want to thank my original brother.

My new brothers who you will see, my beautiful wife, my beautiful kids, our managers, agents, road crews, recording crews, video crews, my friends, and especially all the fans. From great journey that continues to surprise and thrive. Thank you. Yes. That was the end. That was the end of it, Michael.

That is how it's kind of rocker That's the beginning of it. Don't fucking don't look at me. Panicking just do it. Don't look at me like I can't do it Just get to the base his big head. You used to wear leather pants star PTA meeting Oh, he should yeah really did well in middle school Keep going back to your teacher must have loved it. There's so many wigs on rock Yeah, yeah, like I can't go to the meeting Tonight is a celebration of the landmark and incredible musical journey a Celebration of a seven-year-old to the 15 years of piano classical piano lessons a celebration of a 17 year-old who threw John's cousin

Butchers over there. I joined the Atlantic City Expressway, a celebration of the 21-year-old, according to the first Bond Jolving record, and a celebration of the 56-year-old who stands here tonight for Alistair. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Confident! Cool! Well, he doesn't give a fuck. He just was just on. No matter what, a passionate blind faith drug was beyond her while the stringed. He just was just on. No matter what, a passionate blind faith drove us beyond our wildest dreams. And in 1983, we set out in Tico station wagon, so glad. And I said, wow, we're going to make it happen.

And then a bid to our came. And a real tour bus picked us up in our house. So John Richey, myself, we still lived at home with our parents. And Alicantino, where adults, they had real animals. So the bus picked us up. This bus was worth 20 times more money than my entire house. The most amazing shiny bus comes. It's okay, it's time to go, so I got on my luggage and I brought my bowling ball

up as I am from Jersey. I need a main ball. I need a main ball, he said. That's a big ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. He's a main ball. That's a far-right joke. Luxus. And now I've brought his ball and ball. I've richy caught his ball and ball. So we picked on ourselves, but we had to go back to each of our houses and the drop-ball and ball. Because there was no room on the bus. There you go.

That's great. I mean, what's great? He killed it. That's a perfect speech. He gave a person, if you go to Richie's speech, I think one was, I'm not going to put you in the spot on the butt. Thank you. He was a little, he was a little put you in the spot on the butt. Thank you. He was a little, he was a little try. Here's the thing with speeches. Have you ever given a speech?

We have ever given a speech. You know, now that I think about it, I don't know if I've ever given like a, I've given a toast, but that's not a speech. It's a best land speech. No, I have. Have you given a speech? Yeah, do I do it in costume?

I did it in, no, I did it in court. What happened? No, I did it in court. What happened? No, I did it. I didn't have to give a speech about what I learned to get my ankle bracelet off. But yeah. You got an ankle bracelet after you had to blow your car? No, I had an ankle bracelet that day. Oh, you didn't show me that, did you?

Yeah, no, I did not. I don't know. I think I did because when we were recording the podcast, I believe I was charging in your hotel room. Charging the ankle bracelet. You have to charge it? You have to put it into the wall so it downloads through the phone jack so they know because when we were recording the podcast, I believe I was charging in your hotel room. Charging the egg. I would have put, you have to put it into the wall. So it downloads through the phone jack.

So they know you're not drinking. It's an alcohol monitoring system. Wow. So I would be in the middle of like Atlanta and my phone wouldn't work in my room. So I'd have to go to like a local bar ironically and be like, could I use your phone jack for like $20? Yeah, 14K modem.

You can. Yeah. Like if I even like use mouthwash, I would have gone to jail for like 20 dollars. Yeah, 14 K modem. You scared me. Like, if I even like use mouthwash, I would have gone to jail for like five years. So I'd be really careful and use all that Tom stuff. And the only time one time I was with Tommy John again and I used mouthwash after my ankle brace to cut off and I blow started my car.

And it was 0.38. And I had exactly like 13 minutes to re-blow what I called him. I'm like, dude, if this thing Goes with anything besides zero. I'm fucked Can you come blow into it and he ran from like his hotel to the conduit? I was at and like it like at the end of a basketball movie was like just 10 9 8 He blew in and hit all zeros Funny if as soon as you went to blow it you put your deck in his mouth hit all zeros. Funny if as soon as you went to blow it you put your dick in his mouth. I'm kidding. I don't even have a breath of light. I have a hand for it. I haven't slept

for four years. It's like a little cigarette. How do you like this? Yeah, why is it so dark in this garage? Just put your mouth on it. I got one. I got one for you for Jersey. I think you like that. I got this 100% true. I got pulled over in Jersey by a state trooper. Now New Jersey state troopers are notorious to be cock suckers. Yeah, like like they're like this guy was yelling at me before his car stopped. I was scared. No, no, this guy was yelling like this guy was so I rate. I was speed up.

This guy was so I rate. Thur in the day. He's going like, I mean, I'm seeing you heard of you heard him in the country. I heard I was scared. I was scared like real car. I heard the fuck, I was scared. I was scared like, really? With their parent. Like, I knew it was coming.

Then he, as he's marching from the car, he's yelling at me. Like, he's like, yeah, you're gonna do that in my state. But like, it was really fucked up, right? I'm gonna drove him away. It would have been like maniac. No, this guy, this guy was like, like, it's registration. It's just like, there was no, there was no fucking thing.

The drove him away. I was driven away. He was like, Harry Potter. like there was no there was no fucking drove in a way dress like Harry Potter I'm looking for the bandit My name is you for DJ and I'm on my way to a smokey in a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man who's a man I'm not even as a character. He dresses up as a human. They do costume parties in Hollywood. Yeah, but you don't have Oscar parties in gay shit. Oh, yeah, exactly. You're told, you're the two costume parties.

Yeah, but you told, we're all gonna be a costume. You just, we're having a screening. I made a stupid ass. Bobby has a Super Bowl party, not showing up as Tom fucking brainy with him under my eyes. And a football in my hand. Well, I would wear a jersey for the team. I got grass stains on my knees.

You just rubbed your pants in the day before. My wife looks like a ref. Just because of this podcast, I'm not going to go and costume to every theme I've ever invited to. Please. I've never invited to Seagull I've never listen to me. I know where you're hanging out I've never been as a as a grown man. I've never been invited to a theme anything No one's ever said dude this Wednesday. Hey, we have a theme party. I've never been invited to a costume party as an adult

I've never had no I'm good to Halloween. Sorry, we're costume, I think. No, there's costume party. All right, yeah, come on, let's do it. But as an adult, as a 40 year old, look, you're a 20 year old kid, you're a little younger than me. I was 20 years old. I was 20 years old.

I was 20 years old. I'm 20 years old. I'm 24. You know what you're doing, you're 40s? Costume parties and finger fuck women, okay? I agree. Nobody wants to get finger fucked in their 40s okay middle age women don't like being finger popped it's disgusting you have time for it all right that's a

rule yeah no it's true I didn't finger anybody at that party all right wow well your hands were full of 240 yeah exactly well I drank them though. That was so. Well she's so. Yes. So turn that mic into your face. Where in Jersey was it? Guy, I was in, I was near like Ridgewood. Okay, yeah, that's my sense. I was like near Ridgewood. Was it, is that, that's what it's like? North Jersey.

That's like Bergen County. Yeah. Yeah. So this guy's fucking disguised, you know, I'm just like, and I got pissed. So I was like, I'm gonna fight it, right? So my mother, now? No fight to ticket. Okay. Oh, yeah. My mother, this fight it, right? So my mother, no fight to ticket.

Okay. Oh, okay. My mother, this is a true story to, my mother-in-law goes, my mother-in-law is a bankruptcy lawyer in Jersey. Right. Okay. Cause I got a friend who's a lawyer, show up to the courthouse, and he's gonna take care of it.

And we're gonna, you know, cause I was speeding. I would've been like five points on my license, and I think at that time I had a couple of speed in tickets, and you know, with comedy, I don't wanna lose my license. I was doing, driving all over had a couple of speed in tickets. And you know, with comedy, I don't want to lose my license. I was doing, driving all over the fucking place. So I'm fighting this thing.

And this guy was an asshole. Like I would have taken this to the Supreme Court. I would have fucking gone to Washington. I was fighting this. And now that I got a lawyer. I don't think that's an option. Excuse me, Mr. President, let's help you. I know.

Listen, I'm a comic. I was going to, you can prove to me. No, I got me, if you want to look at my Facebook right here, I got like, I just got in at the cell. I had to go up at the Christ Rock long story anyways. Next week I murdered and I made Bobby look like this. So she goes, my friend's gonna be there. He knows these judges. He's gonna knock it down for you.

Just go. I show up to the courthouse in Jersey, right? It's packed. The fucking courthouse is packed. And you know when you're nervous, they're fucking yelling it out loud, right? Yeah. It comes up to me. He goes, look, he goes, I talked to the judge. He goes, just whatever he says, just agreed to plead guilty to it. It's going to be no points and everything like that. And I'm just waiting there. And I swear to God, he goes, Mr. Verzi, yeah, Mr. Verzy come up me in my representation You come there. He's standing next to me. He's just looking at me and the lawyer proceeds to say I'm not even fucking with you Yeah, it was all right, Mr. Verzy. I

Guess we're gonna make this you're always say you're pleading. I understand you're pleading guilty places packed You're pleading guilty to failure to get out of the way of a funeral procession. And I look at him and I go, that's what you came up with. Like that's the fucking place is looking at me like I'm the biggest piece of shit. Right. Failure to get out of, that's what you guys fucking met.

That's what you came up with. I would have taken, put my dick out on a highway out of the better way. You know, killing a kitten. I would have fucked up. I'm like a fucking black, I'm going to a fucking party. Failure to get out of the better way. You know, killing a kitten. I wouldn't fuck you. I was messing up like a fucking black to go to a fucking party. I'm from the failure to get out of the way of a funeral procession and he said it loud.

And the lawyers looking like, oh, we got a good deal on that one. And I'm looking like the biggest, some poor guys on his last fucking ride. To his eternal rest. That's only a $10 ticket, no points. Like this clock's a good, cause a pride.

His Italian fuck. I would never fucking go that girl, human being I respect the dead end living That's why I am I'm paul verzy fucking right if a fucking government That is a shit thing though in a crowded port Failure to get out of the way of a funeral process Well what and I looked at it's gonna want the fuck that's what you came up with you couldn't Got any fucking what's it what's it called? What's it what's the called? What's the thing?

It was a wall I made a pigeon illegally I gave fucking rice instead of fucking birdseed And failure and failure to get out of the way just seems like you're mocking him like where's he going? It's the one shitty crime everyone in that room can relate to that's what sucks everybody notes that thing Everybody's done that Just the only fucking car without headlights on Just the only fucking hot Civic dickhead. Just not paying attention. We've all yeah, we've all done the worst who are like So what was it? Did you get away with it?

It just was, no, it was like like you said. It was less, it was just a little bit of money. No points. It was, it didn't benefit me legally. But it made me look like a piece of shit in a packed, fucking, in a packed quarter. I would take any plea down fucking effort. He stood outside after. Listen Well, you know I was just

He's a Tizzle everybody UK. Bye. Here's a 10 for you. Take that gay someone. I would never do that to your family I want to tip you in your family right now Here's a 20 feet in your family right down there go down and get some lunch if you go down to speak There's a bakery anything you want it's a friend of mine on those tombstones. I got everybody Just save verzy when you sign in at the website. That's just not me. That is not me. That is not me.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. What? That is, yeah, the fact that it was dropped on you without you knowing either where you're just like, you mother fucker. You're a failure again.

I fucking, I gotta take it. I'm sitting there with my phone. I got, you know, I got the car with all I mean I got heated seats I got cooled seats. I got my windshield wipers turned on when it rains out on a I'm sitting there. I'm a fucking lazy cut. I think I get in the car and connect the phone So I'm holding it up to my head and the cops on the side of me and they both look at me like oh, yeah you fucking idiot Yeah, and I'm like I'm like what because I side of me and they both look at it me like oh, yeah, you fucking idiot Yeah, and I'm like I'm like what because I don't realize and they pulled me over 250 dollar ticket

Four points on my license. Yeah, I happen to mean and I just for me on the phone call Keith the cop I go Keith He goes I got you. I know lady boom boom boom Say I hold an electronic device. I happen to me at a light sends sends a fucking sends an email Taking boom. Oh my God. Like a photo of you, a bicycle cop in New York City. If you're at a light or a stop sign, and they see you going like this,

you see that's that's not an electronic device. And they'll get you. Meanwhile, you see them fucking, you know, all the time, you know, the phone. I, he says, okay, cool. I'm like, sad, oh my God, you know. Uh, that was like a year and a half ago. I got an email. I got a fucking letter in the mail.

Fuck you. The lady never took care of it. Uh, what you're taking, we're taking your license away. If you don't pay this ticket. So it's like, I'm like, the lady and I call Keith. He's a guy. I don't really talk to her anymore. It's like, cool.

Thanks for fucking letting me know. Yeah. She, I guess she fucked Anthony too on something. Oh really? Yeah, yeah, but you know, I mean he's fucking can pay I just had to do a fucking podcast for fucking you know pillows when I Fucking pillows are the best pillows I've ever had Purple whatever call you want I got you Whatever call you want a little package Please I got Nate when I got naked in the hospital What what what what

Where the fuck are you going what you told us last time so I did I tell the story yeah? Yeah, I got naked when I got naked in the emergency. Oh, yeah Yeah, I got naked in the emergency room You got LSD and there was just hanging from a repeating story. I had a safe dutch and fucking, we weren't even listening. No, you wouldn't, I knew it. You wouldn't, I didn't make it. I wouldn't, you told us last time.

You would, you like talking to old people? Oh, it's good grandma. I know you told me last time. Did I? That judge, that judge was just, that judge was just, that judge was just, I rate. He's like, if you ever get naked in my city again I'm throwing you jail for 30 days. I don't know if it's I rate of fucking being a judge

Yeah, right on the money being a judge Being a healthy human being I'm fucking How am I like he's fucking he went a little much I would dare call him generous You showed him a party just like a black guy Well then the judge would be like it's fine Dave that's one of my favorite stories honestly Thank you man just you walking from your car to the door with two forties and dripping thing and there is executives in there

It's one of the funniest thing, but here's the thing, he's sober. He's fucking sober. He knows just, oh yeah, I don't care if it's a proper not. He's so great. But even in the movies, they don't use real alcohol. Well, he didn't get really shit-faced in the scene. This guy, he's like, dude, I gotta get this real deal. This guy's a method act.

Well, you know about that. Let me get real crack. Listen, I'm doing a Charlie Sheen themed improv. Next week at this party, I'm real crack, listen. I'm doing a Charlie Sheen themed improv next week at this party I'm going to. It's called sitcoms from the 90s and early 2000s. It's a nice theme party. I'm a show dressed as Martin, one of his hair. I really got AIDS, I get HIV,

and I'm gonna be doing crack. Is this a grid party? And then I'm gonna be paying girls to suck their cocks, she males. It's so pretty. It's fun. That's how I use it to do horribly gay things. grid party and then I'm gonna be paying girls to suck the cock's females That's how I use it to do horribly gay things It's a bathhouse party 80 I got one for you. It's an eighth party. I just didn't cost you mine. I got one. What do you mean one? I got this cough that won't go away. No, this is just a be a good discussion here because I got to so me and Bill

Burr got into a really big argument in a green room. When? Probably I would say when I was in Phoenix, like probably I would say within six months ago, between six and seven months, we went to a big thing because he said that with these sex robots coming out, that I'd fuck once and I said I wouldn't.

So we're screaming at each other, picture this and the middle, the guy who was like on the show with us, he didn't like know us that much and he was just psyched and he was just hanging out and he was just listening and he was literally just going like this and the middle, the guy who was like on the show with us. He didn't like know us that much and he was just psyched and he was just hanging out and he was just listening and he was literally just going like this. And like this and I'm going I'm not fucking something with wires and he goes where is it? You know him. Yes, you're gonna make it so fucking good that you're gonna fuck it and I go do it. I'm not fucking it and we screamed. We screamed for about 15-20

minutes. So I ask you. Yeah. I ask you all. Yeah. Including you with the male doll. Yeah. Okay. All right. Yeah. Are you gonna you, I ask you all, including you with the male doll. Okay. All right. Are you gonna fuck it? Would you fuck a robot? Made that a giveaway. First of all, and you know this, I got like fuck it. Yeah.

First of all, I got 10 minutes on fucking a robot in my act, right, for like a year ago, right? Okay. But I'm just throwing this down before this comes out and then fucking, Bill has 20 minutes minutes on fucking fucking robots and you have Ten and then I'm sitting going oh no Bobby's a hack I fucking it stamped right Michael. Yes. Say it a little firmer than that. Yes. I've seen you do this several times Listen, here's a deal with the sex robot and I'm gonna tell you why and don't get listen

I'm not getting a fight with you. Yeah, all right. We're gonna go smoke cigars later. Yeah. Yeah, help Here's why I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm not getting the fight with you. All right, we're gonna go smoke cigars later. Yeah, yeah, hope. Here's why I'm gonna back into this. You, is the sound okay? Wait, what the fuck, you gotta get there. You're sick. I'm gonna take, I'm gonna back into this. What's going on?

Everything good with the sex rope? Is everything good with the tech? Yeah, is it sound good? Before, yeah, tell me. You take out fucking robot. Hang on, well, he's hang on now. I'm whoa whoa whoa You know you don't fucking know first let him back into it. What I'm saying is is this I'm not saying you would buy that robot. Okay You might borrow this I'm not saying you'd buy a robot, okay?

All right, but if we wait you might loan if we're all if me you bur on the road Okay, and this company says hey guys go in your rooms We put a sexual about in each one of your rooms whatever you want we we found out what you like and What you know, and we put that that show gram now you go into your room now This is a fucking this is 3G you Skin this stuff is like real human skins. They talk to you. When you walk in, she knows your name.

Hey, Paul. To you. My name is Tina. You like that name? It's a tie and it's dirty. Tina. It is a sperm cleaner. Yeah, yeah, that is the good name.

And you look and she's just got one area all the hangout. Yeah. Hey, I'm cleaning Hey, it's Tina you want me to suck your bag You look sounds like an uncle Lou You know Oh

You want to know I'm back in a talk. I'm back into this you got Tina. She has backstory too you come in She's like you met my father my uncle before he was a cop in Jersey. He was real mad at you All right now All right. All right. Now, it's late that night. It's late that night. We did the shows, too.

We played poker. We had cigars. It's 3.30 in the morning. We're exhausted. You get to sleep in the next day because we go, two more shows the next night. And then we fly home on Sunday.

It's fucking crazy, right? Late night. You're lying there. You can walk. I, you go book this Keep going, look at my fucking Can we do a three-man tour Just sex robots I mean, it got we played poker. We got massage

This night he's gonna fuck a robot. He blew his car Oh, I I'll jump right in and say I'd fuck that robot. The problem is, I just wouldn't buy one. I can't drag it into my house while my wife is asleep. I can't buy one. That's a check. It's gotta be given to you. What if your house is on fire? Is that your wife in there? I just don't give it up. He's on fire.

He's looking at this woman sitting in a chair. And her head's on fire. And then, get your wife. No, she's good. No, it's fine. She's okay. She's got it. head's on fire. Get your wife! No, she's good. No, it's fine. She's okay. She's on fire. No, she don't. Why does it smell like burnt-com?

She's like, you're putting your pot. She's not breathing. Quick. Put your mouth on her. You're putting your cock in the machine and you know it is. Body, first of all, I fucked one of these half-toursos. What? Wait, don't say a name.

What are those called? Little Pea. No, no. Little Pea. I think it's more erotic. I think it's more erotic. That's him. That's him.

I think it's a little peeple. It's a little peeple. It's a little peeple. What is a half-tour? It's a little peeple. It's the sensation of fucking the most handicapped person ever. Oh my god. What is it? It's just like a rubber pillow. I'm on this way an astronaut pussy. It's like that

Radio show one day Johnny there Kansas City, you know, am I Johnny danger? Johnny day, or Johnny day? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, fucking greatest guy ever really sweet guy Just a great guy rock and roll old school dude He's in this is one, you know, you kind of did a little crazy radio shock-juck type thing He's really not like that now. He just does great interviews now. But back then he would stick a bottle rocket up and interns asshole. And they used to do prices right on sex things. They had this torso, a little you half a torso of this porn star. It's a model of her asshole in vagina and you can fuck both. And inside, you know, everything, it's a mole of her.

And so, you wanna play, I go absolutely, because I'm a fucking, I'm spending my most of my time and at that time, a young comic, doing Stanford and Suns. I go, cool, one guy had a broken hand, his jerk off hand, the other guy just got dumped by his wife. And me, you have to guess, price is right. I guessed within a dollar. I said $129.99.

It was one 31. What? That was with tax, too. I added a tax. One 31. And you fucked a thing? Dude, they go, you win. This guy, the guy with the broken hand was like,

are you kidding me? The guy with the broken hand, he has a jerk off with the other hand was gonna fuck it. The guy who just dumped, got dumped by his wife. He can't even do somebody. Yeah, I could have. The loneliest man needed it. I just, you did fucking dare though, you went back.

Not in fucking dare. I sat in a studio like an animal. You bring the torso back to the hotel and you fucking like a gentleman. But they were all waiting, they were all waiting for me to give it to the thing, I was a guy. That is passin' you see? He's like, oh, I'm fucking you He's using the carpool lane with it

They they go you one and they're waiting for me to give it to the other guy. I'm like cool. Let's go to break Let's go to break figure out how to get this all and get to the G string I had a packet I had a fucking packet Just buying it, shit at the You don't need foot locker baby I was living with dawn at the time I brought this fucking thing home And I told her

I told her You know, I'm Baby, what are you doing with that? I got to worry about it, I put it on my desk I made it a pen holder. Did you put pens in its asshole? I put all pens in its pussy in the asshole. Yeah.

But as soon as she went out, let's go to the store, I fucked the shit out of it. I put that... What? I put ink in the asshole? No, I'm working on fucking savage. I'm pens without caps. Like, number two pencil around it.

Yeah, what am I fucking asshole? I can't lay it on your deck. without caps. Like number two pencil around it. What am I fucking asshole? Lay it on your deck. Put a bunch of markers without caps in it. No, I'm fucking, what a fucking savage. I took it. I happen to be into pencil-y assholes. I just took them out of the pussy. I took, I took, and here's, here in lies the problem

with the fucking robot, what I figured out by fucking this. I've done the studies. I've done the test. You don't have to read it. You don't have to read it. I'm heavily researched, David. I put it by fucking this. I've done the studies. I've done the test. You totally re-healer. Yeah, I'm heavily researched, David. I put it on the bed, I put the blanket, I put a pillow, I made the pillow into like the boobs, and I put another pillow as the head.

How long did that take you? 10 minutes. So I, I didn't want to just fuck a torso, I'm not a fucking lunatic. I used, I fucked pillows when I first started masturbating. I'm not gonna judge you. Yeah, you make a little body. I was in my fucking mid-series. I'm not a lunatic.

So... You ate them all. Let me taste. I just had a jar of pickles. He's got a sharpie on a pillow. So, it's generally different facial expressions. Switching the map. Which pillow am I going with today?

I'm going to go with shock. Stop talking to a pad for a cartoon book. It's like a flip. You don't like it. The bottom part is flat. The top part looks like a torso, like the vagina and the little bit of the legs cut off, right? So when you put it in and when you lie on it, the material that they use is so unbelievable, you put your dig in this thing and you put a little lube on and it's like

fucking. It's not so. It's like fucking for the first time. I mean, you did go into this vagina, which you know, like a real vagina, you put it in its nice at the beginning, it's like, I'll seal seal and then you break the seal and most of the beginning. It's like, I'll seal seal. And then you break the seal. And most of the time, it's just like, you know, this was fucking, whatever. I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been,

I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been,

I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, You didn't make it fake legs. You just left the legs. I'm gonna fuck it legs. What do you need legs for? I killed two fantasies at one time. I was one of the fucking APT. So when you go though, when you like, when you finish, when you just wanted to fuck it diabetic.

You're about a real one. Yeah. A committed diabetic. You come in the thing or not? Well, here's the problem, Versa. You fuck it. And man, it was so tight. It was so, I came in like three seconds,

like literally a minute of pumping and it's so amazing. What? And then when you come, you come in it. And now you have to take this fucking rubber torso to the fucking tub. Oh, you put it in the dishwasher? No, you can't, yeah, I'm not fucking putting it in. So you put it in the dishwasher? No, you can't. Yeah. I'm not fucking putting cum.

So you go from like the amputee fantasy to the worst part of washing and taking care of an amputee and like to the... Oh, shit. Yeah. Ah! I'm a fracking. I can't believe you didn't just pull out.

Like, save yourself the... I'm always gonna ruin the pillows, flash tints. Fuck, I'm just gonna pull out. He yourself the he's gonna ruin the pillows yeah fucker he's gonna put his head on that later just fuck my wife if I want to pull out haha fucking crap stop fucking coming right now right in that comehole

there's fucking yeah if there's a zero for some pregnant you know you're chance you're gonna finish in that I finished into that was the problem that's the problem with these robots is that the reason why we don't have sex toys, that's the thing about the joke I have, is that we come in things. Women can do, they can put anything in vagina or rub your clitoris, and you're really

not making a mess. You don't have to make a mess to have a good time. A guy has to make a mess to have a good time. For a guy that, it's going places and we get to clean it and it's everywhere. So when you have a, there's no sex toy. Every even you fuck a, the, the, the, the, the, I just really time holding my chin

and intently listening to everywhere. That's the thing. But what I'm saying is they have to come up with a fucking com catcher. He's writing stuff. Some type of spray. What's that movie with a spray? And they spray the dog shit.

Jack Black. Yeah, yeah, agree to your something. Yeah, they spray this comment. It just goes away. And then you go cross out. But then you know what rain clouds it just sprinkling on everybody. Yeah.

Well, I mean, it's just a nightmare. It's a fucking nightmare. Because what's gonna happen is you're gonna fuck a robot, you're gonna clean it, and you're gonna fucking again and clean it. You know, and the joke in my act is like, you know, I'm gonna clean it, and you're gonna fuck it again and clean it. You know, and the joke in my act is like, you know, I'm gonna clean it twice, and then a month later,

it's gonna look a Han Solo frozen in carbonite. I'm just gonna be half. All of a sudden that talking to you and knows your name shit's really unappealing while you're cleaning out of a giant in the tub. Well, here's the thing, is if they have like some type of cum catcher, or sperm, a giz, you know, almost like a screen like you used to pull.

Yeah, like you could come inside of it and it like a filter filter. Yeah, like yeah, like a plant or we could fuck our wives. Yeah. Or we could fuck a human. Boo. Boo. I'm pretty sure my wife would be like, just fuck a human. Boo. Boo. I'm pretty sure my wife would be like,

just fuck the robot. Pretty sure my... If I had a robot and the other robot, I was like, done, what should I do? She'd be like, go fuck the robot. Yeah, please, go fuck the robot. Yeah, go fuck the robot. Yeah, keep it down.

She'd be like, turn her down. Yeah. And then our son catches you. It's your fault that I'm leaving. She'd little we write on the robot's tits, want or need. Yeah, yes. And I'm like, catch you, it's your fault that I'm leaving. She literally write on the robots tits, want or need. Yeah, yes. And I'm like, oh, fucked up. It's definitely a want.

We don't need this. We're giving the max needed new shoes, definitely. I don't know, I think you listen to me tell you something right now. Like I said, you're not going to buy one, Verzy. I agree with it. You're not not gonna go out and buy one. You're not gonna have your own little fucking shed fucked all. But if you showed up, we know what Bobby's buying.

You're just saying, you know what Bobby's buying. Hey Bobby, she look back there. Yeah, he's one of them to be able to show. Why I'm gonna shed it just a fucking porn, ever say. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come in, Verzi, you fucking wig falls out. Yeah, when did he stop interviewing people? During the day she's just trapped to the ceiling. It's just like a sesame street character

It just looks like Ed Gaines house They're making I think they're like 15 grit, like the crazy ones that they're making are like, they're not sad. It's crazy. Why? Well, it's like the real dial, those are expensive. Can I say why it's not sad? It's a little.

It's sad for a hot, it's sad for a hot chick to say that because you're never ever going to have a problem. And neither is anybody in this room. Mostly everybody in this room. No, Mike's married, of course. No one in this room is gonna have a hard time getting a person. A lot of people can't meet somebody. A lot of people can't find somebody.

Socially awkward and so- Socially awkward, just don't know how to do it. And they live their lives alone because they can't get anybody, even with all the dating apps and all that shit. To be able to go by- First is just apps and all that shit to be able to go buy I mean it's just gank away to be able to go buy that to be able to as a fucking dweeb That's never gotten anything that fucking works it, you know, subway. That's a pretty amazing light actually Michael look at that right there you get to fuck that

Yeah, I was a lot of lip gloss on think about that you finish the last shift at pay less than it's that or put a gun in your mouth I Like the giver Fuck them deep though. She's got a gap between it. Just to make her attainable. Yeah, I make it seem like it worked on The one with the gray hair looks real Tainable the one with the great make it seem like it worked on it the one with the gray hair looks real How much is it buddy that what is All pounds scroll down that's what's in

Click on real dog that we just go there,. Okay, oh black one on the right is That's a real human being that's just you with that costume party. All right, there you go. That will stop stop stop Virzy Virzy that's in your room waiting for you at the fucking Mandela Bay. That's a real listen to me That's in your room waiting for you, Virzy. That's in your room. I bought it for you It's on the door. It's on the door. I bought it for you. Verzy. Look at, she's waiting for you. Tina's waiting for you. Tina's waiting for you. Oh, I have too much chili. She's leaning on the school lockers. I'm waiting for you to lock her. I use nots, Verzy. Gary's, those things are getting. I just Keep going baby. That's what is that 25

She looks like she cuts herself. They all look like oh look at I love that's mine short-haired chick that looks like oh man look at her I'd fuck though. I'm gonna make like fat ones They said empty look though like they're all on Look at that. Look at that. Can you please go to explore? Go to explore. Let me tell you. Can we just do show her ass all? Explore.

All right, listen. All right, we can't show that, right? No. Let's, I've robot. Can we go to one with that? These are robots. These are just dolls. Like, they're not even, these are the sex dolls, right?

But now, but they're adding, what they're going to be adding is the, um, throw down conversation part that no one wants Olivia to point out that that's huge nipples. Yeah, there's a lot of I like big look at those gumdrops are you Versi that's a other bad It's like hand-on-hand. Okay, Versi, look at me look at me and the fucking eye right now Listen to me look at me look at me. I want to ask you the question first I'm looking you come back into your room for the morning For them listen to me for the morning. It was fuck that if you were in my room

David where's Wig I Be dressed as another real doll going down on I've been dressed as another real doll going down on it. I'm dressed as raggedy and. Are you my Andy? Can you go to sex doll on there? Oh god. Robot sex doll. On, no, I'm sorry, Michael, on YouTube.

Go to robot sex doll, please. Bring stuff up and I'll tell you which one. Can you get my dad's glasses at me? I'm sorry. met a weird emotion. Yeah, really quick though. I was just juxtapositioned. Your dad, I just want to make sure you said, your dad fucking rocked.

And what you wrote about your dad was beautiful and it touched me except for the hair stuff. You wrote, he still has his hair, which kind of bugged me. Sorry. But all right, here you go. Robot doll, my conversation with Al. Al.

AI sex doll, sorry. Al sex. I'm not. Al sex doll. My name's Al. AI sex doll. Sorry. Al sex doll. Al sex doll. My name's Al. I'm Lily. I'm a sex butt. I will admit this and I don't need to. It's an old Yen-toe.

I'm the fucking dumb dumb dumb idiot. It's a high-im L sex butt. It's a little bit dirty. I'm sweat and I'm fit. Hello, I'm Al the sex butt. I'm Bobby sex butt. Would you like to put it in L sex box? My name is Al my my name is out deep persio Bobby sex box. Hello. I used to go to school Bobby. We traded we traded toys when we were kids and lunches

Did you remember when we used to play Brain injury? I'm a sex box. I am a moron. I said literally I know what AI is. So I've done so I'm I'm like, ow. I thought I was in there. This video is adult content. What not the kids run. That's about sex.

But you can go. All right, here we go. Here we go, Michael. My name is Harmony. I was created by robotics. My main objective is to be a perfect companion. The piano. This is going to make an emotional... Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh No one that is a fucking Don't take a wig off your animal I'll take the wig off

Here's a highlight of my conversation with her Oh man, it's as possible I don't like that judge a touch Listen, listen, you know one of those You're gonna turn real and kill you Listen, he's having a conversation with her Real one How are you doing today? Tits I'm Elle

Very well, right? I'm curious Do you like using sex toys? ¿Cómo estás haciendo hoy? Shit, soy El. Muy bien, ¿no? ¡Muchas. ¿Tú lo que te gustó? ¿Por qué no? ¿Qué es lo que es? ¡Es cereal color! Oh, sí, es cereal color. ¿Qué te dice? ¡No estoy en la muestra! ¡No estoy en la muestra! Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan.

¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Listen, he said... I mean, it's a little... fuck it all the time. No. I'm not going to buy. I'm not spending 4G on that. No. Especially when it gives it that stupid East England.

That's East London accent. We get eight of us with $500. You have to store us. Look, it's going to cost you. It looks fake. It's like a $500. You have to store us. It's like a $500.

It's like a $500. I'm not going to buy it. I'm not going to buy it. I'm not going to buy it. I'm not spending 4G on that. No. Especially when it gives it that stupid East England. That's he's lucky. We get eight of us with $500. You have to store it.

It looks fake, dude. It looks fake. It's like a toy. You're gonna end up taking your kid to a toy store. I wouldn't go down the aisle. I wouldn't put my dick in its mouth, though. That's creepy. Why?

It's just fucking, hello. What if it bites her mouth? Can I stop once again, for how? How it, first of all, it's pushing. Yeah, I'm not talking. Nobody's putting a sex doll outside with a Tarpovering okay staying inside you what are you nuts? Not an old Camaro Lobby I found you sex doll by the webba listen we haven't people over today. I'm a fucking play date

You go play golf and have the sex bot babysit again if you don't want max in his friends Inside Sarah's pussy make sure you put her in the fucking office Just leave it in the corner. Yeah, just leave it outside by the garden What's that? Oh, it's that's my dad's sex bot Well, it's just gonna be funny is it the guys who are getting these sex box in around 15 years, they're just gonna, it's gonna be like a tarry. It's just gonna blow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's gonna be the flip phone of fucking, it's gonna be this fucking bush mouth tour. You will fucking see my bus Ishara that everything's got oh My god. Yeah, every right. These are like these are like model ones. This is yeah, you have the ps4 This is just Yeah, Cole collico vision, football, it's fucking a horse shit, to watch everybody's laugh and everything.

Do you imagine in like, do you're in 2050, do you, what do you like to do? Do you like porn? You're gonna find these things in field, you're not gonna, you are not, I'll tell you what's gonna happen with V, with virtual reality glasses that are basically phones now. You can take your phone, download an app,

put it into these glasses, and you'll be able to have a woman and have one of these dolls, and they hook, they merge, and you're gonna fuck the shit out of smoking hot chicks, whatever you want. And you're gonna be able to stick your dick and something like that.

Then there's no way, like, yeah, then romance is going to officially die because if porn's killed it by now, like imagine what that technology's gonna do. Well, virtual reality, VR, and this type of robotics, Owl. Owl, L-sex box.

Ver, and Owl, I'm gonna, I'm L-'m gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna

I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna

I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm Bobby sex pot. You're Peter Griffith. I download his podcast every week before he fucks me. It's Johnny Brennan fucking jerky boys. Oh my god, dude. But, yeah, I mean, I let him do anything to me. I used, I haven't jerked off with the Epid Viag glasses, watch porn. And it was pretty epic.

It was pretty amazing because you're looking around the room and you're seeing like the kitchen. You're looking over here and you're looking down and it's legs, not your legs, but it's legs. And there's a fucking way better cock the mind. And then the squirrel's coming up and she's, she's like, hey, but it's a cartoon look at no, it's a real what they should be a V right it's P.O. no, it's virtual reality. So you ever do a virtual reality video game? Yeah, well, what's his name? Sal Vakano showed me one and

it was like you're standing on a ledge and you look down, right? But it was like, but it was like a video game. It wasn't. Yeah, no, this is actually whole city scape. No, this is not a video game. This is like this room, like the way they shoot it, I believe this camera is over your shoulder, there's two cameras and there's one here. And the way they shoot it, but the way they edit it together, they have to take the two cameras and kind of, they have to go together in a certain way. My friend Matt Bailey-Jays husband, then, Ternoon, he shoots porn with her and VR is the new thing in porn because you can't really steal it.

You can, but you can say who's your favorite porn star? Whoever. I love Gage back in the day or Beladonna. You can go and say Beladonna. Here's $4,000 come here Let me make a video for you With me make a video for me with VR and then you can literally just you know anytime you want fuck Beledona Do you actually fuck Beledona? Well, you can have somebody else do it, you know, you mean you could pay I don't know I'm making up all this. Yeah, I just you can you could have her

Beledon's lawyers gonna call you. I like how they have a girl with the fucking VR thing on. Well, girls are gonna be able to put on a VR and fuck a vampire. Yeah, that's true. Well, do all kinds of fantasies and put a vibrator on a couture or so whatever. I mean, it's easier for them because like I said, they can just put a penis in them. There's no mess. Yeah, it's on a towel. And

there's no, but like I think all this shit is fucked up man. I think you got a You sound like like grandfather when they were moctaw for the TV come up with a TV's right there You can't turn it. Just turn the fucking channel. Just walk up to the The true. Yeah, why would you need a why would you need to put a click a thing if does he sound like that? That's a good grandfather. No, he doesn't he sounds like this. You're cocking the VCR Just like I do yeah, I mean dead that I mean now we have 7,000 channels imagine if there was no clicker But it's a go over like this Hard to make you know you're married with kids is hard to fucking have a spicy sex life you're married Yeah, you know like it's you know that you're tired you did to take the kid to you know soccer baseball all this shit

And your sex life is already now you got this fucking thing in the closet guys gonna be closet. That's his fun His robots in the closet She wipes home. I'm actually I'm ordering the real L-sex book She wipes home I'm actually I'm ordering the real L sex Bob Dave Dave I'm gonna put on my much of voice for you. Hey Sarah Winks at y'all the time. Well, where are you gonna put it if you have a section? But where are you gonna put it she's sneak sneak blow out sneak blow and David the fucking washroom? What kind of clip would you like on her one with balls? I don't know that's true like you did. Like you did. Sex can become very mechanical.

And then you go to this. Oh my god. I literally don't know. Mechanical sex. I guess. I guess. I guess. I guess. I guess. Nobody even fucking acknowledged me. It's coughed like weird. And it's fight with your wife. But that's why I think it would kill like a normal relationship. If you just had this available all the time to have three ways with sex balls. Yeah, well, I don't know I mean if you imagine oh my god Imagine your wife being like my wife would be mad if I was fucking that thing if I'm fucking my hand She's like I don't think guys are gonna be with who are married are gonna be fucking these things I mean it's like tender. We don't get tender either

We missed out we missed out on that technology right we're gonna miss out on this Shit it's gonna suck unless she dies before you and then you fucking order one with her fucking insurance money Sorry, that was too much I'm gonna have a beer That was weirdly planned out You're gonna fucking mill on dawn tomorrow I'm gonna fucking mill and don't tomorrow I got a new policy for you yeah, Max is like dad. What are you doing? I got you one two kid don't worry. Say hi to Sarah

Gale sister Yeah, I'm fucking her name's gale. That's right. You go in gale school. You know, she. Here, she's gonna be deep in the mind too. It's a voice switch but I'm like go higher. Dave, you can take the head in the bottom half of Dave. Dave, Dave, you can take the head in the bottom half of Dave. Dave, Dave, get the versatile version. I'm gonna put your dick on. Yeah, mine's gorgeous. Mine's like a Mr. Potato head really.

I'm a version. Eight different cocks and eyes. Different noses. Yeah, but different different stages of a heart on It's like it's like lick Fuck I have North East Southwest Dude, I don't I think I think you bring it to a boys and a little party dresses Cuba putting junior This is my boy Ricky get it in eight ball jacket Grambling state

They're like I'm not sure what's more offensive that he brought it or that he's fucking Mother Christ Oh Shit Mother christ Mother christ Wow I know I did say it was a good To an executive hard and to try to get on a black show But why do we think that anybody at that party would dress up?

No, this is my friend Yeah, the character was definitely not the best choice. But no, my friend Jimmy Legitimely thought it was the last June party, that's why we all three came dressed. Yeah, I'm lost. Today, you brought it. I told you to stay in the house. Our furious style. Have a look around and notice his liquor stone guns.

A little liquor stone guns. Why is it white? I got it. I got it. Everybody a lecture. That's a great that's just one of the best stories I've ever heard Thanks man. This motherfucker and then drank the two that's even that's like just tops it off. Oh man What would you have? Loss of writing might have been literally lost a bride was sober had a blow his car finally out of the fucking out of it Fucking he's going to a party his dreams are almost fucking reality Mean he's gonna be on fucking in living color this

Gucks second dresses up like like fucking ice cube went by the wing Fucking shirt shows up. God. I never realized how badly I Show's up. God, I never realized how badly I One of the most offensive Gidemitly I didn't know it was not a good day for you Mom made breakfast with plenty of hog that morning. Oh God this fucking What fucking Namskall? I'm happy to admit I've made many poor choices in my life.

You really gave it, you really have. You know what's funny too, is that you came back into my life through Facebook. Yes. I started following you on Facebook. Yes. You do a character. You did all, I just this fucking, this lunatic on his Facebook, he bring it.

Dino Landini's pricksus. He does, dude, he does this character. I'm sexually harassed. I'm sure I see this thing. He does all these characters, but like, you know, he's doing these dates. He's trying to plug his dates, but he's trying not to just go,

we're all, these people, you know, the fans don't understand that we don't like having to plug our dates, right? We don't like having to plug it. We have to. We have to use social media. It sucks. Yeah, okay, we'd love to entertain y'all.

This cocksucker's like, you know what? I'm gonna put a mustache on a hat. He starts going. The cowboy comedian. He does all this. He does all this crazy shit to plug these dates. So one day I turn it on, it's this. He's doing this.

He just went too far. Like he did at the party. He goes too far. it on. It's this he's doing this. He just went too far. Like he did at the party. He goes too far. He does. What's his name? It was Dino Landini's Prick Sauce. But he's also made Prick Sauce. He's also made Prick Sauce. Yes. Dino Landini's Prick Sauce. It's a homosexual press gangster and he only sucks dick out of respect. He don't do it because he liked the taste. And since he don't like the taste, he's got to put a little bit of pricksauce on there. And it makes it real nice to swallow to gravy.

Dude, listen to me. Wow. This week I'll be in Austin. I literally did it though because a club owner of Columbia goes, could you just make something fun for me? Really? First thing you made. That born rant. Well, no, the first thing was me putting I was shirtless putting a belt around my neck turning on Corner in a hotel and then I was like, oh, hello, like an info And I sent it to him and he was like never mind. I just Go all in I literally want to make it the worst thing the worst thing that they could possibly get for my abuse. I'm like, it's almost entertaining that he's fucking going

nuts at this shit. I sure be he's got a mustache like he cut. Oh yeah, my wife's just like, he cut up my his wrong. Yeah, I know he has a kid in the wife. Well, I've stopped doing it lately. I was sitting on this guy's cutting up mustache. And tape it until he's not even like drawing it.

It's not even like going to buy a fucking like back in the day when he used to buy wigs. You know, I even bought a wig since roughly 2012. Is internet out? Are we out on this? Stop. There you go, buddy. What's the old page?

I look at it this way as long as I'm not ranking. I'm sometimes, whatever. I'm sorry, but sometimes the internet goes out up here Mike's gonna fix it. Maybe it's the something Mike I'm tracking I would just gonna wait till you get fixed everybody quiet till my get the McKinney so anyway

I'm kidding. So anyway, we pull it up with it. Dude, unfuckin' believable. You know, and I follow you on that, which is, Archie, whisper that shit guys. Jesus Christ, we don't have fucking buss. It's not, no, it's not really fucking doing what it's doing. We hate it. Look at Mike, he gets mad. Shut the fuck up, Mike.

He don't work so good. Mike, look at, He starts holding his breath. Breathe. Ah. He's panicking. Mike, how many times have you gone home and cursed Bobby? I don't even make it home. He's got tense.

You boys need to shout. I gotta work, style. You like? Is it working? Because if it doesn't come up right now, I'm gonna fuck a smash. You're picking finger. Like Dino Landel.

They know they should do that. I'm not. You should do it. Mike, you should get Mike a fucking top state of the art sex doll. I'm not fucking. No, he's got a wife. Full of nice pink.

Why did you assume he didn't have a girl? What? Why did you assume he didn't have a girl? I heard that he was married before. I'm just saying. Why would you mind? You were opposed to it or not? I would want that. Actually, I'm sorry. Thank you, why would you you were opposed to it or not? I I wouldn't want that

Thank you. It's nice just appreciate the thought I was trying to be not why would you not fuck it, but he'd fuck it I didn't know if he was opposed to it before I didn't hear if he said not I like how that was this beautiful version Would you fucking Nice for who would fuck a sex bot in this For me I would not. Just me. There's no man. Me and Bobby.

Would you fucking man? It's just a dildo with a body. No, if you had, what do you call me? If you, if you, uh, we kick it, you all right? You're angry? Are you man? No, no, stop kicking. I'm beating you.

You're beating you. You're seeing. Hey, Gabby, if there was a, if there was a set like a robot, like we walked in, it was like, hey, I'm, you know, I'm seeing it. If he didn't, I'm seeing it. Hey Gabby, if there was a, if there was a set, like a robot, like we walked in, it was like, hey, I'm, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm sitting here. Michael, right? I'm Dan.

If I walked in, it was like, I'm gonna call you and his name's Gal and Dan. I'm Sally Sexboss. Well, what name do you want? Give it a name. Sal. Sal? I look out.

I think we should just go back to the house. I'm sorry, Jay, yeah. That's, he's fucking out. That's not, that's kind of disrespectful. My gender Al I feel like Alan could be I think L is becoming a genderless name. Yeah, really I hope you guys both fall off a bridge tonight. I really do. That's gonna be bad for guys if they start making fucking like robots jacked with like just a fucking hard dick for constant fucking what a girl if a guy walks in name Alan is like and you can just walk into your room and you can have in there like a fucking chair and then turn them on and

his fucking dick goes rock hard and you can just he fucked the shit out of you like flip a split that's gonna hurt marriages yeah yeah fuck yeah dude we can't we can't compete with a mussely guy you just has a rock hard dick and a fuck yeah I don't compete with it's in a chair I'll fucking stick my dick right in there, but where he's fucking. Oh, I thought you were gonna stop. I'll stick my dick right in his ass. Oh, he's fucking her.

That'll be a fun crying huckle every night in my house. I'll just sit in the corner and check off. Maybe I was a force cuckold. You buy the thing that just fucks your wife in front of you every night. Honey, some guys are internet. This is one thing I never understood. What's that?

I never understood that. Guys that want to see other guys fuck their wife. No, that's creepy. Some guys love that shit. I don't understand that. Well, can I say something? Oh boy. It's odd that you've been saying that.

You already did, Bobby. Yeah. I don't know. Not my wife. It's odd that you already did Bobby No, not my wife. I would if I I don't want that with my wife But when I used to date girls back in the day When I used to not date but like you know hook up Back when you could hook up with a girl without getting fucking blocked Well looking up on it with a date is one thing But like are you a specific datener? Well, no, I used to I used to like it back in the day when I would not

We would fool around of you know kind of fuck pals Whatever the course you would watch somebody else fuck a girl and then what? Tony's in here. How many does it is it's like three dinners? No dinners Snacks just snacks just snacks Weedkins like a like a waffle house. Yeah, we'd dance popsicles and water Anything more with Dayton. Yeah, anything more you're doing. All right. We No, I mean, I'm a couple girls would I had you know, I fooled around went I did a couple three sims You know, I don't get the man and man three sim though

He was more of a fun thing than a fucking sex thing and And you just kind of looking at it. It's like dude Fuckin yeah, it's different. He's over there. I'm over here. And he's like dude. What's up? You know, did you know the guy or just a random guy? I know. Yeah, I would never do it with a guy. I didn't know was it Norton was it Jim? Yeah, um, let me do the time. I like how you think you know this now. I mean, I a long time ago. I did something. Me me and Lauren did something with a girl, but not together. Like he did something and then I did something with the same girl. She was just in the sex, but we didn't do something at the same time. But I mean way back in the, I'm talking about my 20s, my early 20s, when I was really just a fucking asshole sexually, I would do, I did a couple things with a couple.

And it happened, you know, sometimes it was kind of planned with the girl, there was one girl that kind of liked that. And I was kind of like, all right, let's do it. And it was kind of hot. But you know, after, it was kind of fucked up, we like, all right, settle down. You have to fucking suckers cock that good. There was always that, right?

There was always a practice girl in high school who would fuck everybody. There was a, there was a, what do right? There was always a practice girl in high school who would fuck everybody. There was a, there was a, what do you mean? Like, you never heard the girl in high school, we literally had, I don't know if you can anymore. Don't have settled down if you want to fucking career, okay? I'm not fucking deleting this. No, I can't, I don't mean now.

The more Gabby's looking at you right now. I don't mean like last Tuesday, I mean, when the 90s when I was in high school. You've got to ban you from anything in Brooklyn if you keep this up. I'm stirred tweeting. You will never work the bowling alley bakery again. You know, ban you from anything in Brooklyn if you keep this up. I'm stir tweeting. You will never work the bowling alley bakery again. You know when you and your friend are in blackface banging a girl at a Hollywood party.

No, I just mean like, you know, there's girls that are a little slutty who will fuck you before other girls. Dave, why don't you come to the sex toy party? Don't. Are you bringing your Lauren's fishburn? Don't dress like a dildo. You you bringing your Lauren's fishburned out? You're bringing your Lauren's fishburned out. No, I know you're saying that, Dave, you're right.

There's the girls that'll do stuff. They're horse. Every neighborhood's got a whore. Every neighborhood's got a whore. Every neighborhood's got a whore. Every college has a whore. No, I'm just positive. Everybody.

Before things. Still, you don't have things. I mean, people. No, I mean, the poor thing. Like, what somebody says, a poor thing. No, later in life, so you don't call them things. I mean, people. No, I mean, for things like what somebody says, a poor thing. Yeah, no later in life when you see them, you think poor thing. Well, I mean, I a couple of those, you know,

I mean, they help me through your page is gone, dude. I don't know. No, it's because you're not signed in. You pay, I don't sign in on the, like the link is broken. That's what. What is broken? That's broken? Yeah, I couldn't find you when I searched it. I don't know in on the broken that's what what is broken that's broken yeah I couldn't find you when I searched that I

don't know what happened is can we bring up anything from his page you just go to my YouTube yeah go to YouTube um Mike thanks for working that out buddy oh you I've seen you panicking not but you stayed with it look at that butt right the Olympic butts bass butts in the world, do I love an Olympic ass? Do you ever see an Olympic ass? There you go. All right, go down. Those are videos I liked.

I think you got to go to videos. No. Let's keep way past that. Oh, that was a Kevin Brennan fight. Yeah, let's talk about that. Well, I get what I want. Is that over? It's over to me.

You know what, him? I don't think so. I never had an issue with? It's over to me. You know what him? I don't think so. I never had an issue with him to be good with. Right. You guys almost fought. Yeah. Could I just say, Jean, go to his uploads.

You almost fought. Well, see, here, scroll up, scroll up. I let him do it. See, there's the Dave Cosby show. That's a good, a good example. What is Dave Cosby show? You've never seen the Dave Cosby show? No, what's the Dave Cosby show?

I want to see the Gino, Bendini, fucking DickSaw Slim, Gini. This was pretty good though. Uh-huh. What's this? You'll see. I don't know. Better. Okay.

You don't know if this is going crap here. It's not good. It's just me dancing and all the cast is accuser number one. It's user number two all the way to just Ravens. See, you should never, you should always trust the host. Okay. Because you were like, oh, this is a good one. I had the Dino Glamini was get though Whatever is it I'm gonna go with Dino and Dini Dino Landini would have been a good one. Prick sauce You got it. They're Dino Landini Prick sauce number one. They do that one. That was the fun one

This one made me laugh It really did But did we stop before you to play it? You understand he doesn't have to do this. Listen to me. This is all coming. This is all making sense to me now. He doesn't have to become this guy. Yeah, he didn't have to show up to him.

I wanted to see the sauce though. He made a fucking. No one's forcing my hand. He's reliable. He made a label called Lindy and he's pricks us. Where the cat and my son was in daycare, by the way, I want to just put that stuff in. Is that a dick?

Is that like a dick on the side of it? But he's home. Sure, there's a dick. But he, look at his shirt. Look at the shirt he's got. He's got, yeah. That's his fucking Saturday night stage shirt at a funny moment.

It's really not. You know what I thought about this guy? This guy, if you ever did a prank, you're all in. Like for sure. Oh, I've done him. You have to do a prank. prank you ever do a fucking costume party Yeah, oh, I used to like like duffel bag size got you could joke about robin a bank show up I got play

Real nice You do it right there Hmm now it's good source. How you doing? I'm homo-safety. Right here. Listen to me. Here's the problem, and I told you this. Did I left the comment?

And I tell every fucking comment. I changed it after you told me though. What? The eyes. Comics look at themselves on their fucking phone. They don't understand. You look at the camera because you look at yourself. You look blind.

So look at it. Look where he's looking. You corrected me. You don't have to yell. I listen to your advice But you know does this fucking Jared does this now, but he's one of those. He's one of those One of those though. What the fuck is that? What's one of those? No, I'm not one of those no with this look, what this is staring at me in the fucking face. You have this, you have that. You're one of the, it's gotta be. What the fuck is one of those?

Like when it comes to technology, when it comes to shooting, when it comes to lighting, look at this. Oh, I'm gonna, you mean I'm one of those with the likes to do it right? Yes. How about this? Yes. Okay.

But you go so fucking perfect. How the fuck is looking at at if you're filming something Looking in the camera is too far. He's just doing a quick promo thing. This is not a quick This is a character fucking James Cameron to direct the fucking thing I got thank you Paul Press gangster Dino Lane D and I don't go down on a guy because I like the taste I do without a respect that's why I created Dino Lane D. And I don't go down on a guy because I like the taste. I do it out of respect. That's why I created Dino Landini's Brick Sauce.

It's very easy to use, I'll show you. Let's just pretend, for example, to this banana's your ordinary everyday prick. You don't really want to suck it. But what you do is you grab some Dino Landini's Brick Sauce. Take it out, smudder it on the prick. Look at it. Look, it's tough.

One second. His kids at daycare, his wife is working a day job to make and meet. Okay. Okay. We're not, we're not poor. But she's still got to work. It's not like I should be out diving in Uber and making this guy. This guy's home for the fucking iPhone and a banana That's true the only thing that inspired this was a banana before this prick sauce And what is any very unpleasant experience becomes a wonderful me See this stop wait stop look at stop. I want you to look at that and now look at his pinky

That's his wife's wedding band It's like the stone of a finger that I before for a skit My kids lunch actually we were on break Hey, hey, he stole the banana of his kids lunch, and he took the ring off our finger much of his sleeping just to his bitch. This is so above and beyond. Any kind of promo thing, it's fucking great.

Thanks, man. Yeah, that's why I just send these to a club, and I'm like, here, show it up for Facebook. Yeah, yeah There you go swallowed at whole When days landing me so son of Rick There was another part that I cut out where it was my whole face just covered in the sauce. And I was just like, I'm gonna be in Atlanta, you know what? That's really fucking fun.

My God. Like I did this stupid ass John Mellon camps, Mellon camps. Like I just do dumb shit. And it just fun to promote like that. No, you daddy, you really are funny. You know, I think about this. I always think of stuff like this. And the reason why I think it's great is

because you have to commit, I would never be able to, if my wife walked in and I'm suck at a banana, and I have a thing that says, Dino Lindini's pricks us, she'd be like, what the fuck are you doing? Oh my God. Don't wanna be like, what are you doing?

And I have to be like, I'm fucking selling tickets! Whoah! Well, she actually, I actually put that back in the cupboard like that and like a few months later, she pulled it out and she was like, you done sucking cock, can I use this to make spaghetti? I don't know what's that like, she's thrilled about it. Comic wives should, I mean, they're saints. They have to put up with the worst shit.

Oh, yeah. Oh my god. Well, I met her at Second City and she talked to me into doing stand-ups, so she's like full supportive, which I know a lot of wives are not. Yeah. And I can't imagine having like somebody around who it does not want you to do what you do. Which just looks and goes, can you stop fucking using the sauce? Right, yeah. I don't get this joke. Do you suck, cock, David? Ha, ha, ha, ha. Do you want a robot? You gotta have a good wife in this.

You gotta have an understanding wife in this 100%. Absolutely. But we truly believe that the fact that we're distant makes it stronger just because I think always being next to your spouse is a dangerous thing. It's why roommates end up hating each other. I think the separation is a positive We've both always thought pop so little you know you you kind of appreciate you appreciate your family and you you appreciate it more when you're like

Sitting in a hotel and fucking and you're like fuck dude like I just want out. What am I doing? You know, I think guilt is a healthy thing to have and like when you're like I want to go home, I feel, I've been, like today I came to the city. I couldn't, I could have went home all day. I came in, I told Donnie, I go look I'm gonna stay in the city all day and fuck around and meet, I mean a couple friends for lunch and stuff like that.

But in my brain, I'm like, oh I should go home, I should go home. I was like, no, don't go home. Let them miss you, let them, miss them. Yeah. So know, so I I say I can't wait to see him tomorrow. I can't wait to be right around everybody tomorrow. And then it's you know, because you're around. Look, man, you're on people all the time. I'm having a four year old. You know, how old your kid? Three. It's a fucking. It's tough, man.

It's only child only child and face time and all that should almost make you miss them more like people think it's a huge benefit But you know, I mean it is nice that you can talk to them. Yeah, but at the same time you're not physically there And I think it is fantastic you talked about it is nice There's a bad part when he goes okay, bye and he hangs up on you like I'm alone Yeah, I'm about to fucking robot your room becomes Yeah, all of a sudden you're looking at your pillow torso asshole You have been jerking off on your iPad and you fucking FaceTime call comes in. Oh, yeah That's the and you know it's him. Yeah, get him a decision. Yeah, I'm gonna turn this fucking mom with a broken leg and a stepson

My son just my head Why is your face read, dad? Your virtual reality glasses. Yeah. Having, like having to, like having a girl too is like, because now that she's getting to an age where like she's five. Yeah. And I have a different, I have a different relationship with her now because it's like this little girl,

little girl is like talking about it on stage a lot. Like they're just deeper, you know? And now I have this like daddy's little girl thing. So before it was my son and well, hey man, when I come home, I'm going to give you that, you know, toy that I'm bringing from the road. And we're going to go, we're going to watch the Yankee game or go to a game. It's like now like my daughter says, hey, dad, and you're just like, fuck, like there's two personalities and two of them. And you're just like, you got to make sure the money's worth it. You got to, before it was like, I got to get, I just got to get stage time. Yeah, but now it's like, you know, you still on stage time,

but like, you want to make sure it's worth it You're coming home with enough money to provide and make sure that you know you don't hand your wife a fucking check that she's like You know I want to make sure yeah, it's worth it. I that I can sell shit that I can know what I mean like everything now comes into play Just because yeah, and it's hard when I'm out to not spoil this shit out of my son I mean, I don't know if you're like that. It's why you're still part kid. I bring up something home every time I go away. I'm the same way. But I try to make it educational now.

Yeah, I try not to just buy a matoi like this, this time I bought them, you know, it's a good spot to go for your kid crack a barrel. Oh yeah, that would be a bunch of stuff. They have just this fucking, but I bought them like a volcano. I stopped buying this stuff. You have to make, you gotta stop. Don't do it every time, because then you know what happens? They fucking every you can't even go to fucking buffalo without one They want to fucking jersey or something, you know

I'm not doing that ever in my kids one of the only kids like in the family that's little So I got my brother coming over and he's got like a three-foot tall Batman that shoots shit And I'm like dude don't like it's awesome and thank you and we'll keep it Like no, I don't but I buy I'm like, dude, don't, it's awesome and thank you and we'll keep it. But, no, I don't want to buy it. I'll buy him like a book now. I'll buy him a book or I'll buy him some education. Like the volcano I bought, you had to build it, you had to paint it, then you had to learn how to put

two things, it was an all day thing. You're a great, I guess it is. You're a great dad, man. Like you take it, you're on another, like this guy I'll fucking build a tree house that's like a pirate ship. And just like, like I mean you got the patience of a fuck. He we came to my house He went on he took his son and and Lucas and Sophia and he's walking around with all three of our kids And he's doing like some scavenger hunt. I'm looking at him going like

All right, dude. I mean we're up in this I'm so I felt like you know you come up like I felt like a piece of shit because I'm kind of like you though like I don't want, you know, when you come up, I feel like a piece of shit because it's, I'm kind of like you though. I don't want to sit him in front of the TV or I feel like a scumbag. So I try to come up with activities, educational things. I let him train sets and stuff. He's really, it's hard.

It's a fucking, here's the thing. I remember, it's so fucking tough. Because I have such a shit, especially right now in my life, I have such a shit, especially right now in my life, I have such a fucked up. My anxiety is really high right now because I'm on the road a lot. When you build that thing where you're like, I love my family, I built this whole life that I like to be at, but you have to kind of rip yourself away from it every

week and go on the road and deal with that anxiety of, you know, the car getting to the airport, making sure the flights on time and getting to the hotel is the rumor right is the okay, the show tonight and we're going to do press in the morning at the radio thing is going to be cool. It's a TV getting back your exhaust tonight. You're reading the promo. It's 24 hours. You got to get a promo and you don't want to press too much.

My new material good enough does it stand up to the other one? Is it checkspot? Do the club give a promo and you don't want to press too much. You get my new material good enough. Does it stand up to the other one? Is it Chexpot? Did the club give a fuck about you? Is it Chexpot? The wait is the guy is the host in asshole. Is the MC fucking gonna go long? And now all of a sudden at the end of the night, it's like everything went good.

There was a drunk blah, blah, blah. And you're like, he gotta go back to the hotel. And you know what? You gotta go do it all over again. You gotta go back to the hotel. Oh, you fucking doll Wow, if I had a fucking road doll Hey listen to my rider Any griffin gets fucking Fuck the air force was your luggage dripping. It's not important

I got a foldable roll. That's going to be somebody's rider in the next 20 years. Just shut up. You got to handle in a hair. One of my suitcase is turned into the doll. It's like an Iron Man. Yeah, yeah. It's just tramming in the armor.

But it's fucking. It's hard, man. It's tough. It's this like, you know, I've talked to Bob. I've been open about it. I've had a couple couple of you know, I suffer from awful depression and anxiety me to me to Yeah, 2016. I had a I had a for 90 days. I was in a clinical depression. I couldn't even you know I had to cancel shit like I was fucking I didn't think I I wasn't Disappeared. I was I disappeared man

I wasn't able to look at my kids because I didn't think they were I was gonna see him grow up I was in the darkest fucking place and this job, you know I've learned you get bullet proof a little bit you learn you get stronger I was in another one. It just happens. I have family members that it happens to but this job is not that people are Under the impression like man. I love what you guys do what you guys do is so fucking awesome Yes, it is and it's great what we do But you know being away from your family, spending all those hours in a fucking airport,

going in the hotel and sitting there fucking alone. It's like John Pannette said, rest his soul, he's like, we get paid to travel. The stage time is our easiest time. That's when we're at peace, when we're just fucking doing what we love and we're making people laugh. But don't forget about, I wanna add this in there too.

It's a 100% rejection, 99.9% rejection on all these auditions and all this stuff and all these maybes and all, it's always, I mean, dude, I've fucking been on so many auditions in the last year. And not, I mean, I've booked three of them. I just had one a week ago that was like, yeah, we, boom, we love it, and I had to let it go because I had a gig that paid way too much money to give up so it's like

Fuck are you the one this was this was a fucking yeah, and then You you take a shit and it just fucking it just goes away and then you don't forget this too As you get all this rejection from the business, you see all these people not getting rejected. You see a lot of that, people just... Well, and you also see a lot of the highlights of their life and you assume in your own head, that's their constant.

Right, well, you see, but yeah, exactly. But you see a lot of people enjoying the fruits of this business. Absolutely. And you're like, shit, and you've got a lot of these people telling you how funny you are, how great you are, blah, blah, blah. And then, you know, then you gotta go on this fucking social media shit and then read You know, yeah, I talk to you about that because it's just something I learned to deal with I know it's like yeah

You you have to like when you get attacked and everything you just kind of have to deal with it And it's like it is hard to look at something though It's like kill yourself bag getting you like good morning Well, Dave let's not be honest you kind of invite some of that look at something though, it's like kill yourself, Faggot, and you're like, good morning. We've never met. Well Dave, let's be honest, you've kind of invited some of that. What, you've been showing up to? What, the bricks show?

But that's part of it too, that was, if you're depressive and I know you're recovering, I'm a recovering alcoholic, I mean, I dealt with a lot of shit in my life depression. We're broken. Yeah, 13 arrests, but that means inside of your head is your worst enemy. Yeah.

And you are now alone with your worst enemy all the time. And that's really the scary part. I walk it down the hallway, talking to yourself in a hotel room. You show, yeah, this is that guy. That's not gonna fucking do that. I'll fucking, ah shit.

Did I forget my key? I didn't, I don't know. Well, that's the fuck I got it. All right, cool. And then you like, yeah, if there was a camera on us, oh my god. I mean, they would be like, this is a fucking crazy purse. This is a homeless guy. That's the only this is that devil on your shoulder. And you're trying to keep, you're

trying to keep genie in the bottle the whole time. But, but, but seriously, though, you're talking about the social media stuff. It's like, you have to, you have to develop this to scan too. Because even if, if someone says, fuck you, you're, you're just, I mean, there's so many, there's so many people that love, yeah, you know what I mean? But they're not as vocal. And then there's a bunch of people that think you're a piece of shit. Right. Well, if you don't love, you don't come and really tell you.

Yeah, but the people that think you're a piece of shit tell you. But it's almost like, it's like, okay, man, there's a lot of people that think I'm a hunk of garbage. And I'm like, I cool, I get it, that's fine. And it's, but it's still, it's like, good boy, dude. What the fuck? And then when you block, I block some like some of these guys, right? And they get, oh, you fucking I'm more of a Faggot for blocking them right or getting them out like freeing them of having to even listen to me. I'm freeing you. You hate me. Yeah, I'm freeing you of that. And then you hate me more for blocking you.

It's like, I'm supposed to let you just sit there. And I'm a sick motherfucker. I'm crazy. I'm depressed. I'm sad just like, oh, you fucks. And I was supposed to sit there and just let you rip me apart on a fucking daily, constant basis. and just let you rip me apart on a fucking daily, constant basis and just fucking take everything I do and say fuck you to it, you suck. And I'm supposed to take that and I can't even fucking get you out of my life because that's somehow less of a man, a man. And it's like, look man, this social media shit, I'm almost done with it. I'm almost done with it. But you're enough of a man though that you actually and same with you with your depression that you go after your feelings

You try to analyze them and figure out why you are with there These people are angry at themselves. Yeah, and they lash out at you because all they're doing is projecting Well, that's a hundred percent right. It's true. That's and did you know? It's did you see what Sarah Silverman did today one guy? Yeah, that was fucking beautiful. What one guy she said something and a guy just went cunt. And she, I don't know, she said something. I don't know if it was like, It was along the lines of like, what are you doing?

Was it a liberal? Was it a liberal? Yeah, but she, Why are you angry at yourself and it came out? It was something about his dad. No, and she was like, you know, I went to your page, like she, he called her a cunt. Yeah.

And she goes, you know, I went to your page and, you know, you actually don't seem like a bad guy. You seem like an okay guy and I don't understand why. And he just goes, yeah, and she goes, I could tell. She goes, I'll sit and talk to you, but I could tell you, you're obviously going through some. And dude, she had this whole thread with him. And by the end, he was like, you're right.

Like, nobody's really seen it like that. Thank you. And like they fucking like became friends. And she just totally, totally flipped it. But I'll tell you this, man, like the one thing that, I don't know how deep and That's your associate or narcissist not to interrupt. There's a hurt person and they're hurting other people Oh, yeah, so unless you really have no feelings, which is very rare

There's somebody in there that's broken. Hey, I didn't hear what you say. Can you give me a water? Yeah, that fridge when you when you true I thought I made a point now you did But you know what I mean hurt people hurt people that's not a cliche. That's a reality But you know what like all the shit that I went through from use get yourself a lot of no I he grabbed to he grabbed one. I feel like opening up is taking a nose dive Yeah, we're really dead. Let's find one of the funniest podcasts ever now. We're talking about trolls again Like they give a fuck.

No, but I just want to say right now, fags. Yeah. Yeah, right now somebody's calling me the end. We're done Twitter. They just, they just started a new thread and read it. Yeah. Yeah. Two, a fag and two, two other faggets. Right now there's a, there's a Photoshop of me fucking Bobby and Bobby fucking. Yeah. And Paula putting sauce on my head. Yeah and Gabby has huge tits. Yeah. Just no but I I never like I never fuck it. I don't I used to get drunk and go back on them.

You know we were we were in Florida one time and me and Joe Bartonick took a picture with uh Burr Berkowitz. It's just a bunch of us at a game in Florida. And they were just saying shit about Joe and me. And then they started to get me into Joe. And somebody got me in at me. And I was just sitting in the back of the fucking car service on the way back and I was drunk. And we're all talking, having a good time.

And I just get quiet. And Ber's going, Ber's driving and he goes, Ber's you don't do it. Don't do what you knew. I just fucking sat there and I went down the list and I go, go fuck your mother. You fucking hateful cunt next person. Fuck you. That's my friend.

Don't talk to him like that. And I just fucking kept doing it. I do. And he's just going, Burz, he don't do it. Burz, he don't do it. You can't fucking partner. Every once in a while, Barney's phone would bother. He would just go, I did that though, but I did that I got so crazy

I block like three people that were like just fans of mine. They're like we love you man I just fuck you you love me you fucking passive aggressive cock sucka suck has a mind like and I Go nuts. It's fucking dude. I'll just read it now if it's like Evelyn up. I'm like oh man Yeah, I'll just read it now if it's like Evelyn off. I'm like, oh man. Yeah, I am really hurt inside Yeah, but it's like even retweeting and it's like it wants something from you But the burst is the best thing don't even acknowledge it, but it's it's hard It's hard, but it's hard. You've been through all the shit we've been through now And I think about the horrible shit that I went through. Yeah, I just want to fuck I ignored

I'm just like dude. I got I got all the shit. I got a big a fish to fry. Yeah, some fucking guy I shut off my I don't even look at Nevada Dude after 13 arrests it doesn't bother me and the shit that's happened in my life that's bad You like what the fuck no, yeah, it took 13 arrests I actually did Bobby's podcast. I was like I think it was 11 then I went back in counter And I was like well fuck my face. It's 13 I think it was 11, then I went back and countered and I was like, well, fuck my face, it's 13. And, yeah, it was 13. But it was 12 as a juvenile, one as an adult.

What, what are you going to ask? I'm sorry, yeah, but you were, yeah. Why don't you take your kids on tour? You never thought about doing that? Do you guys do that sometimes? Yeah, but my wife, you begin to see them. My wife, they got a school number one. Yeah.

And number two, you know, it's funny because you're asking this and you did that, right? Yeah, you know, you father's a fucking multi-millionaire, right? You know, they were on fucking Lear Jets. Yeah, but that's like some of my favorite memories are just being on the plane with my dad. Right, the plane. No, a plane, not the plane, don't go there. I'm gonna say something though,

listen to what you're talking about. You're like, but no, but it was, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just,

it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was, it was just, it was just, it was, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was, it was just, it was, it was just, it was, it was, it was just, it was Rock bands ever playing a fucking arena. I'm playing a funny bone, okay? Who cares? With the condom where you get stabbed and crushed. I don't do condom at all. No, but you mix a point because when I, you know, when you've done it too,

but when I took him like, you know, Patriot place. Yeah, Patriot place. Great place. And they were like, they got us bowling. They got us the game. Yeah, but that's Bon Jovi. That's Bon Jovi in it.

Yeah, if I do say, you know, Bon Jovi, you're at a fucking, you're at, you know, you're not, Yeah, but we're not Bon Jovi in it when we're seven years old, we're just like hanging out in a green room. No, but you're bon Jovian.

Yeah, but you don't think about that when you're a kid. Yeah, but your parents are bon Jovian. It's a lot different than the father of your dad. Probably a couple of years. I'm sure. When you go, I actually saw a teacher at the last show.

Mike has no charisma. Literally like, when you go on tour, Mike has the, Mike lacks the career. Gab like when you go on tour. Mike has the story. Mike lacks the career. Gabby has outrageous beautiful. Everybody wants to listen with Gabby talks. Mike has been trying to talk for 10 minutes.

I literally said five jokes. I want to just repeat it after I said that. But I thought you killed tonight. You did a bunch of jokes. He killed. I'm like your hilarious. When you go on, when you go on, would you say Gabby?

I'm kidding. I know. We're going on tour. You go on, would you say Gabby? I'm kidding. I know. We're going to Michael. You go on tour. Yeah. You go to Syracuse Forever. If you bring your family, your tripling, your cost of going out there.

Well, yeah, it's just saying like, okay, we're going to Vermont. I just booked the Vermont Comedy Club on my calendar. I love the club. Love it. But one of the factors, Dom, was like, I was going to, we were going to go to, I was was gonna book a thing in Vermont this summer I'm like, I fuck will just do it. You know came out somebody can't so they I'm like all right. I'll do it So we we're going up to I'm gonna do shows. Well, it's fun. Max loves it

Love so tells I know he doesn't care where but it's still not I'm not making money. I'm it's a wipe He doesn't know that yeah, but I do it's like I'm going I got to work every fucking night I gotta go do a show every night, right and I'm doing it for the Up doing Montreal they're coming up. Yeah halfway through I mean right by the way, yeah, I'm so sorry. I got no. I just want to know if you all right that fucking's that that's why I'm It's oh you got we got the acid repl? I got the, I just did the, there's some thumbs right behind you. I just did a fucking surgery last week.

So I got, I, wait, I gotta talk to you about that because I'm going through some, I'm going through some, do the cigar. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's gonna be it. But I, I'm not, I don't know what to say. It's a bad thing either. I would love to, if I was like, you know, if I was a multi-millionaire or a touring

on a big scale where cost doesn't mean shit and we can just go anywhere. I have to pick and choose. Like some of these gigs is like, look Bob, if you come, we're not really, you know, after taxes, commission, fucking, you're making excuses, I know what it is. Oh, it's just what?

It's the sex doll. Yeah, I know. I want the bitch to fuck up my weekends. Yeah, we know what you're gonna do in Vermont. What else is there to do? If you got a share of the room, you can't fuck up. But my wife doesn't want to go a lot of places to do an act. She goes to the go-ins. He can't go by himself. Yeah, my wife will go to the

bathroom. Who's gonna watch the kid while I'm on stage? Boy, that damn thing. They got in that car. This is what fucking naive you are. You're so fucking naive. He's four. I forgot how young he was. You think he's gonna fucking listen to my hotrocious act in the green room? He's just gonna sit there like a good kid like you fucking doing his homework right music Yeah, I know telling that you're listening to living on a prayer. He's fucking talking about ball gagging You're talking about cunt spiders talking about this fucking kid fucking shit in the hole Used to do a bit about cunt spiders fucking shit in the hole. Right.

I used to do a bit about conspiders. I did. Not bad. Yeah, sour. Yeah, it's like, yeah, he's not fucking. He's a fantasy world you live in. My kid's not gonna, like if we, I would love to bring my kid on the row with me.

Yeah. If I do, we can get a theater. I can get a water park or something, then I bring my kid. Yeah, you got to pick and choose. You know, you know, okay, it's a beautiful room. There's two beds, it works. There's things for the kids.

My wife can go shopping during the day with the kids. You know, shit like that. We're doing Vermont, actually like Albany, right? I did the Albany, I was doing one little theater. Don was like, why don't we go with you? I was like, it's cool, we just went. Hotel, we did a bunch of shit. There you go, I mean, it's fine.

But, you know, you can't bring, there's a lot of stress that goes into two I got to make sure I know the club. I got to make sure the people are good I am not putting my family in a position to where I'm fucked and I got to fight my way out of A lot of times the booker will say a lot of times a booker will say hey man It's a great place to bring your family like in your no and then you'll find out what like patreon place was amazing Great, you know, it's a great place to bring your family like in your know, and then you'll find out what like patreon place was amazing great You know, it's perfect. It's the hotel is on the ground So there's a you know, you could go to a game. They gave us tickets to a game at Gillette stadium They gave us tickets to bowling during the day. They treat me walked my family to that was fucking it's outdoor mall

Yeah, in your working for the vacation Boston. I bring home. We go home because it's home Vermont. We're gonna do this year. They go to just for laughs but half Right second half right this picture Bobby You know tell her what the doll and the guy next to his room is going man, I'm gonna sure quiet There's a lot of screaming in there. I'm telling you right now I will promise you come back in you close and eat in the dolls neat cuz Put a minute on her yeah, I'm in there headed put a towel on a shoulder. Yeah, the medium towel. She's a wash They're gonna be so scared they're gonna get so good that they're gonna be able to open the door for your friend to go

Hey, come in robbies, oh, Bobby's over here. They're gonna be so good. You're gonna fight you know They're gonna We're gonna wrap this up I'm I look at Mike we're gonna wrap this up. We're gonna wrap this up. We're gonna wrap this up and he goes, look at Indian. Unbelievable fucking episode, dude. Always when you're fucking on, Dave, I knew you'd be fucking great. Thank you, man. Thanks for having me.

FYI, these dude shirts that I'm wearing right there, they're gonna be available soon. Anyways, that's amazing. Today the episode's out. Okay. If you listen in live, make sure you Sunday, if become a member patreon.com slash Robert Kelly, you can go there and become a member. We got the new episode live from the shed Matt Sarah. It really is an interesting episode, man. He he starts talking about a time that he Had to go to court for a fighting a guy. I mean he talked about staying this guy It was I don't like to give too much away, but it was I never heard the story before and it was really fucking crazy He talks about Kung Fu. He started in Kung Fu. Now he's one of the best

best He started in Kung Fu. Now he's one of the best, Jiu-Jitsu guys on the fucking planet. He was the first American to be, get a black belt from the Hanzo Gracie, first ever. He has, but he's also one of the funniest motherfuckers, just a jovial, funny guy that could literally choke the life out of you if you wanted to And it's such a great I was so I was so happy to do this with him and he it's so funny because he come up He's like, it's really in a shed. Oh my god, it's in a fucking shed

But we had such a great episode. It's a patreon.com slash Robert Kelly That's my channel. We got so much good stuff creeps of kids shows going up there We got one on one up there. I did an awesome one on one with Joe list. It's up there It's everything Robert Kelly and it's for my fans. If you're a fan of me, if you're not, you don't have please don't join. I finally found a way. You know what I mean? And it's I'm trying to get all the people that like me and it's slowly building and it is what it is, but we're going to get everybody over there. If you're into me, go there and become a member. Also go to robacadolive.com.

I got so many fucking dates coming up. I got some fucking cool news. Can't announce now. I hope we can announce it soon. Hopefully by June, we can announce it. Hopefully by June, but I'm very excited about it. We got all these dates going on. San Francisco this weekend, fat black Sunday night. Is that this Sunday? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no We'll see whoever does better. What time? Get dumb kidding. I would never do that to you. So someone I do better, it'll be.

Ooh! Wow, I fucking like that. I kinda like that bold. I, okay, all right. Look at that. She liked it, but she wants the fucking. But I'll destroy you. Oh my gosh!

I, she, I know it's in there. It's a, they're father gay. So when you 10 minutes into your head, I'm like, twice, it'll be, I saw that speech. She's born with it. Yeah, she had a speech She's got a speech. I got all these dates. Bananas. I love treehouse Good night in Raleigh, North, Kelana, Westbury music that June 1st me and Vos fucking crazy gig I can't wait to do that in the round Westbury music. Oh, that's a fucking spot. A courty's fat

I mean, I got so many great dates go Go to my website. Versa, what do you got? I will be within my new website's actually coming out tonight. So I don't have any now. I got a new website design. All new. Really? And it's going to be like photos from the special and everything. So this is the last day of this one. But I'm going to the Nashville comedy festival. I'm going to be performing with Salvacano, Napor Godsee. I'm going to be performing with Salvacano, Napolgazzi. I'm going to be performing with Gary Vitor, Tony Hinchcliffe on that show. And I found out Burr is in town, so I'm going to be opening for Burr at the Ryman Theater Friday and Saturday on the seven o'clock shows too, Dean Del Rey and all that stuff. So good.

But the new website will definitely be up tomorrow with a ton of new dates and all my new tours, specials coming out. I can't, you know, it's coming. Whatever, you've got it's coming. Yeah, it's coming. Big news. And yeah, check out the Versa Effect podcast, Bobby. Thanks for having me, as always, I always have a great time, but yeah, check the new website, it'll be up tonight or tomorrow.

We're going to smoke sticks now, Dad. Yes. We're going to Soho? Yeah. We're going to Soho. If you're in the area you want to stop by, please don't bother us at Soho. Go to another cigar bar. I'm just going somewhere else.

I was going, what the fuck is he going? What do you got? You can go to devlanted.com, hit on tour for all of my dates. If you want to buy my movie, just hit store, it's the movie The King. What is this movie? I wrote and produced it and I shot it independently and Detroit a couple years ago. I want to see this. I'll get you a comment about.

A kid gets his first car in the 90s, goes in the hood to get drugs in alcohol and all hell breaks. fucking very out of my difficult. Does he have a Jerry curls in 240? Very close. I was bit of a wigger in the 90s. So a bit of a why I can't say wigger. I can do it ever. You want to. I was kidding. I was kidding. Say whatever you want. I used to wear jumpsuits and have six ear rings and cell X to see. Yeah, you are a Yeah, but also please check out my comedy central. This is not happening. You can watch it on YouTube or

Yeah, great when I watched it. Thanks man, I really good. Thank you very much, dude. Yeah, listen, check out this move. I want to check this out. Were you sending me one? Yeah, I absolutely will. And also,

actually buy it. I'll fucking get it. Don't even send it to me. I'll also Sure. Yes. I'm very fucking way people. Like you worked your ass off to make this movie and then I said can I have seven copies?

Well, I appreciate that. I'll go by how much is it? It's like ten bucks. Yeah, maybe you sent me one. Yeah, I think you know it's coming. I thought it was five. Fucking ten bucks. What do you think of this?

What the hell? What do you think of this? Fucking Spielberg. Fucking me the parents is three ninety nine. Fucking Louis Socher for five bucks. It's Louis. What is this? H-Haven? The fuck?

Oh, you got that, you were like that. Listen, man, you know what all the shit that went down with you? I hope that's all dead. I know, like I know these fucking fans can be crazy sometimes. They stick up for these, you know, they pick sides, they stick up for shit that they, you know, they don't know you, They know, yeah, it will fade out. You know, people react and they try to say shit to get, you know, to hurt you. Yeah. And it was really just a dumb thing that got overly emotional because family got involved.

Yeah, Kevin, look at Kevin says dumb shit. Kevin's, you know, Kevin's, he's harmless. He's not a, I have nothing against Kevin. It was just a stupid, it was supposed to be back and forth. We went too far. It went too far, you know, stupid. It was supposed to be back and forth. We went too far. It went too far, you know, whatever. You're trying to be funny.

Right. You weren't trying, I think you were trying to be funny. Yeah, it was supposed to be like wrestling shit talking and trying to promote compound and it took a turn. It took a turn and it happened sometimes. And they know it was interesting radio. You got a little excitement. Everybody's dicked on hard.

Right. Side's now. Settle the fuck down. Go back to your fucking job Set all the fuck down. Exactly. Go back to your fucking job and show the fuck out. It's all go bushcrafted. Yes.

I can't wait. 21st me, Ari, Joe list. We're going hiking in the woods up in the cats. Go. What are you shaking him for? I don't, I don't, I'm never in today. Yeah, because you know, he is sniggy. He's dirty.

Yeah, I mean, yeah. And I don't know. I know a couple of comics are the fucking that. Yeah, because you know, your snig is dirty. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't know a couple of comments. Yeah, we're going up the woods and we're gonna bushcraft. Yeah, bushcraft party boys. You're gonna use your You bring in your pack. Yeah, you saved it. You're buddy. You don't even know what I got since you since the last time you saw me It's gone ballistic. I am fucking listen to me. I am sick right now. I'm not even kidding. I need help. And I want somebody to help me out of this.

I thought I was tied. We tied a fucking work. It's worse. It's worse. Oh, we had to. We had, I'm not even joking. We had the greatest podcast that never was. Like a dude, we had this podcast about his fucking problem with prepping for something

that guy lives in Westchester and he's fucking, and he's got like agy just open starts fire like this guy's like prepared for anything and we have this we have this epic podcast like two hours things and it just didn't record. It didn't record. Oh my gosh. I mean we were probably I've never seen him show it. I was destroyed. I mean it was bad. I was it was it, I didn't know what to do with myself. I was apologizing. I was, I was brutal. But it's even worse now. I am, I am so into, I am so into getting a bushcraft knife. Every, every where I go now, I'm, I'm going to flea markets. I'm going to gun stores. I'm going to, you're like the real expensive, most solid knife. It's the most, yeah, it's, it's Jack lore knife is really what I want, but I can't get it because he's in England and they just passed the fucking law that they can't how much are they? Uh

euros around I think it's 350 euro, which is probably what is that fucking six? That's the best knife you can get. It's um it's the best night. I think what you're trying to say is I don't know Bobby. Not don't look at me like we've been dating for fucking nine years. You fucking ass. I look over she goes don't look at me. I'm just looking over at you for some support. You're on my team. Yeah, go for me. What the fuck? What? Oh, thanks. Michael, fucking in the clutch. Don't look at me.

I didn't even look at him. I'll talk to him and he fucking brings it up. You don't look at me. You think and he goes like this. And he points like a play a son getting you to 40. You have to look at me. That's what he's doing about that. I don't really, I like that.

Now he's fucking keeping you in the mix. Now we're a team again, right Zach? That's what we do. Paying points. Zach said one word this whole show. The way we all like it. Just make sure it's recording. Four and 33 dollars and 30 cents.

Yes, something like that. So anyways, I'm fucking, Verzy, I'm like, you with sneakers? Yeah. It's me with this knife. Yeah.zy, I'm like, you with sneakers? Yeah. It's me with this knife. Yeah. I just had a custom knife made with a sheath. It's coming tomorrow from this amazing knife maker

in Massachusetts. I'm still hunting down this jackal or knife. He's in a shed going, yeah, and Paul, what's gonna happen, Verzy? What's gonna happen when I need fucking gas and I need wood and I need something to eat? I go, I can walk to the mobile. You got, there's a mobile down the fucking street.

I can water world. Here's a deal, host man. Here's a deal, okay? Here's your deal. Here's your deal, verse. The other night I'm driving home. It's gonna go to the big shell, lights. Right, Dunkin' Donuts drive through 24. Fucking monster drinks, beef jerky,

whatever the fuck you want, lighters, fucking hats, gloves, whatever you want, bandanas, a donut. Yeah. I walk in, I go, what's up? Computers are down, nothing's working. No gas, no. Can I buy anything, no.

Right, but if the shit it's a fan, it's still it. I mean, you take it. Okay, okay, fine, I can steal it. Or I'll go all the woods, hunt some small game, build a lean to,'s a fan still it I mean take okay, okay fine. I can steal it or I'll go the woods Hunts some small game build a lean to light a fire build a what lean to what the fuck is a lean to When you put the woods next to the do me a favor I know what it is you put wood next to the tree fucking lights go out verzy Make you a south to the Kelly House all about way to day all right now fucking help you guys

I'm sure just robbed the gas station all the way to day. All right. And I'll fucking help you guys. I'm sure you just robbed the gas station with the right. I'm serious. I'm not gonna be a savage. I got arrested 13 times. Listen, listen, I'm a professional. You got a weapon. You got to lean to right.

I knew I said you're walking out with your donuts, your coffee, your do rag, whatever you need. I know I need help. I need fucking help. Yeah. I have your waiting for something. I need fucking help. Yeah, I have you're waiting for something I have a comment Well, it is carbon bushcraft potty boys just made 21st also in this scenario. I'm just gonna go to the next gas station not to the woods

Listen, I went to the next gas station and the thing turned on we didn't have to go anywhere They came back on but I'm saying is this is that will come going camping me max. I got dawn to go I don't know how I pulled it off she's like go so you maxed on But I'm saying is this, is that, well look, I'm going to camp in me, Max. I got dawn to go. I don't know how I pulled it off. She's like, go, you maxed on. I got a, I got a huge, no, fuck, I'm going to bring a list with my family. I got a, yeah, Ari shirtless Ari and list. That's what I want my wife to see.

Two fucking mushy thin guys. Fucking two English douchebodies. Fucking bodies look like faces. English douche bodies. Fuckin' bodies look like faces. The, I have a, I got a special time for us. It's a four person big and air tank. It's with air beams. There's no metal in it.

It's just, you blow it up and it's like a bouncy house, but for camping. It's like great, it's a great family time, right? So we're gonna camp. I got the stove and I'm teaching Max how to fucking, you know, light fires and be respectful of fire and, you know, respectful of knives. And I mean, he's learning so much shit from me about that. And we toasted marshmallows, the other, we made s'mores the other day. Yeah, I got this fire box. It's a little, it's a piece of metal like this, and you pop it, it becomes a square.

And you can have a fire and cook anything. And you put your twigs with twigs. You don't have to get firewood, you don't have to, you know, it's amazing, so I'm doing it, but I'm getting crazy, you're right. I'm getting a little, I need to stop. I need to go on these trips, because I have all this shit

and I've never been bush crafting. But I know everything about bush crafting. Right. You know what? You'll get it out of your system, I think, you know. Because you just need to go camping. You don't need to prepare for something bad. I'm going to bush crafting. I'm going camping with the family.

I'm going bush crafting with the party boys. What's the definition of bush crafting? Okay, primitive camping. We're gonna go camping as I, I, I, I, lot 30s are. Okay, and we're going, maybe we'll go back from the mountain on our way back. The grills already there. The grills there, blah, blah, blah.

There's a store. There's all kinds of fun shit to do. You go bush crafting, you hike up a mountain in the woods, and you find a spot and you make a camp. You're going to find rocks. You're going to make a fire pit. You have to use trees that are fell. You're gonna find rocks, you're gonna make a fire pit, you have to use trees that are fell. You know, you can't be cutting trees,

you have to find fell trees and make it into firewood, you have to make yourself, you know, your tent or your tarp shelter, you have to create a shelter. You know, and all that shit. And then you hang out and you're kind of gonna go water, I have a thing, so I'll go find water in a river, right? And I'll go purify it in my, I got a purifier. Okay.

And I'll make dinner. You know what I mean? All right. Yeah, that just sounds awesome. Yeah. We'll see, I hope nobody dies. Yeah, you never know. Yeah, I hope it's not me.

Oh, it's not you, yeah. Yeah, as long as it's not me. So just, as long as you know to keep the animals and shit away from you. It's gonna be funny, is it's like everything goes awry and you and List end up eating Ari. Yeah.

I would never want to eat Ari. We both get high for a month. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, all right, Gabby, what do you got? You got a bunch of shit happening? Yeah, I just started a new podcast with Katie Hanigan

called Apod Collips, where we talk about apocalypse and areas It's happening even the young kids are talking about yeah, and then Wednesday I'll be at Katie show the comedian project at the standing room and then I'm at Broadway comedy club And then I have a monthly show in Brooklyn at the way station called jiggy with it on the 30th. It's like that I host It's crazy good for you. It's crazy, right? Thanks. That's awesome. Are you hookin' Mike up with some spots? Yeah, Mike's so much show on the 30th. That's what I like. Mike, what do you got? We're doing Fat Black with you in the 29th. Gabby's spot on the 30th. We'll be me and Gabby we're doing Rose Battle on me. Siri promotes me too. I like all of Bobby's

Instagrams and I want everyone to know that love him so much. That's how what I meant. I love him so much. No, that's not what I love him so much. Somebody wrote the Gabby's the best. I mean, you just cut the poor kid off, plugging his shit. She's got way more charisma. It happens every week.

No, I'm kidding. We're roast battling on May 1st. May 1st. Am I judging? I think Lilith wants you to. Yeah, I'm kidding. We're roast battling on May 1st. May 1st, am I judging? I think Louis wants you to, yeah. Yeah, sure, I'll do that. I'm scared. Why? Yeah, you should be.

It's going to be a fucking nightmare. You're roasting each other. And Mike, look at him. You better fucking, you better call up fucking Mike Lawrence to somebody. Well, everyone's going to help her, so it's fine. No, no, I don't mean that's fine. Oh, I know. No, no, I don't mean that in a shitty way. I heard.

No, a little people want her to win. No one wants mine. Well, I want you to win. I love you, Mom. I love you, Mike. I think you gotta, if you, look, you gotta go for the jugular. You know what I mean? You gotta go for a good look.

You gotta pull, you gotta pull, wanna be friends after it. Yeah, you gotta pull an M&M. You gotta pull an M&M. It's gonna be so fun when we have to work together the next week. Yeah, you gotta both listen to lose&M. It's gonna be so fun when we have to work together the next week. Yeah, you gotta both listen to lose yourself and then just bring it out. Where a great hoodie.

Eats spaghetti. It's for ex-self. Yeah. All right, guys, you guys are the best fans. Zach, what do you got? Zach, then you get it. All right, listen, you guys, fans of this podcast, you're fucking unbelievable.

I love you so much. Even you cock suckers that hate it. It's great that you hate something with passion. You should be proud of yourselves You guys members of my patreon channel. I love you so much. I hope you guys if you're a member of the premium thing over here Quit get off. It's in the app get a unsubscribed and go over to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly There's so much more shit on my channel over there. Robert Kelly all kinds of stuff And we got a bunch more shit going on there So make sure you go over there and join that you guys are the best fans of the world

This has been a great show guys. Thanks for coming on. We'll see you next week on you know what day You've been listening to YKWD podcast Thanks for listening Now go back to your shitty jobs shitty jobs Thank you for listening. I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!

I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!