Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Silly Billy | The Regz w/ Ari Shaffir, Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #61

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

TIMESTAMPS:00:00 - Silly Billy 9:03 - Bobby’s Train Story 11:36 - Ugliest Girl Stories 15:46 - Massage and Fruit of the Loom 38:32 - Bobby’s Grossest Girl 41:02 - Joe’s Dueling Piano Girl 44:06 - Joe List casted as STDs and Cartoon All Stars 51:04 - Luis preparing for Rogan 58:42 - BodyBrain Retreat 1:01:05 - Luis’ Dating Age Formula 1:04:18 - Alec Baldwin’s advice on Kids 1:08:24 - Self Love Rules and the hotel medium towel 1:21:15 - Half Time Shows 1:29:01 - Big Fun Bombs1:32:41 - Red Dead Redemption and Video Games 1:36:17 - Taking shots at GaS Digital 1:37:52 - Joe Rist 1:40:43 - BeanTown Luis 1:46:00 - Amy Schumer and Max Kelly’s Bday 1:49:30 - Duck Band Puns Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder discuss if Luis should get high and go Silly Billy on Joe Rogan’s podcast, Bobby’s train story, who the ugliest girl everyone was with, how to get the right massage, Joe List would be casted as STDs in Cartoon All Stars, how young is too young to date, what a medium hotel towel is for, comedians in Red Dead Redemptions, Joe Rist, Amy Schumer’s birthday, duck band puns, and more! Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital.  LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz/id1700969607 SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/ https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/  https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/  SPONSORS  Kikoff Build credit fast and get your first month for just a dollar at getkikoff.com/REGZ today. Rocket Money Get to Your Financial Goals http://RocketMoney.com/REGZ BodyBrain Coffee Use code REGZ20 to get 20% off https://www.BodyBrainCoffee.com/ LucyGet 20% off first order w/ code “REGZ” ShopifySupport the show & sign up for your $1/month trial of Shopify. Head to https://www.shopify.com/regz QuinceFor free shipping on your order & 365-day returns go to https://www.Quince.com/REGZ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Fill her up. You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Ready to go. All right. What's up? I'm ready to go. What's up, everybody? Where the regs?

We got Joey List to my left. We got Danny soda to the middle. We got Lewis. Don't forget the Jay Gomez to my right. Have you ever heard of music? And I'm Bobby. Have you ever heard music? Is that what you said?

Crazy. Have you noticed every time you open this up? Lewis fucking kneecaptu. Says something mean? Yes. He always says something. It's your sexual tension. Every, we don't fuck.

Oh, that's why. And yes, I am high. You're high as shit. You're trying to smoke a little weed. God, you're like bottom of the ocean high. You look like one of those fish that they take like. Can I tell you? Is this a body brand coffee thing?

You can put body brain coffee in there? That's the body brain coffee. It's my bodybring coffee. Oh, I better pep up. He's Popeye, that's his spinach. No, can I tell you what happens when to get high, though? You eat. You turn into a turtle?

You eat a lot. Silly billy. You puff up. I like a silly bill. I turn into a silly bill. Oh, we like silly bill. So my mouth is dry. I wish I had coffee.

I didn't get anything to drink because I assume my coffee would be going. It's on the way Paco's on the way. Water doesn't work. No, coffee doesn't work to satisfy your thirst. It does actually work to satisfy your thirst. That's the thing I used to say that, yeah, because I have cotton mouth. I can hear your cotton mouth. I can hear when you breathe in, like, the,

the inside of your mouth is like old wood. It's just all dry and fucking take a sip of water. Sorry, I zoned out. Where's the bomb, just in case, I'm not saying that was a bomb. Where is the bomb? Yeah, I'm not saying it was. I'm just, you made me think.

I'm trying to help our friend here who's in a hole. It was not saying it was a bomb. It made me think of a bomb. But then you, like, you hit a laugh, but then you like kept on running. Yeah, you're right. And it was almost like when you're like, what'd you run, listen,

when you run over the finish line after a race? Like, you have to, you still drop it. Yeah. I for his gump. Someone had to hit the stop sign. Anyways, your mouth is dry. My mouth is dry. Open the water and drink it, you fucking.

No, I'm going to see how long it can go. Oh, please. That's worse than chewing on Mike. No. Nothing is worse than chewing on Mike. It is pretty crazy. Chewing on Mike. I like to chew on pussy.

Really? I should do gnawn it a little. That's how he has to do it. You gnawn it a little? Joe? Nothing. I liked it. I laughed.

I LOLL'd. But you guys missed the fucking birthday party of a lifetime, by the way. Don't even do. Why are you opening the episode? Why do you want to bum your friends out? I'm saying it was awesome.

You're leaving your own. You're going to Austin. It's a good topic. Was it awesome to you or awesome to us? Great party. Who was there? Who would have? Fucking bunch of people.

You guys were all called homos and open mic. Who's there? Who told us last week already? Who's there? Matt Wayne. Isabel Hagan. She's hot. Karen Feehan.

She used to be hot. And I think that's it, actually. Damn, Lewis, you're going to get a text. You're going to get a text about that one. She's got pill mom energy, Karen, now. She goes, just go watch after you, sir. You have pill dad energy. You're all fucked up.

I've never seen you this fucked up. Yeah, you went. I've had 10 skank us. I've never seen you this fucked up. After you did the Karen thing, you went, pill bellamy. You know what? It's still working, too. You're right.

She's like an aggressive fucking Have this shit together? Out of surgery, Louis? Oh, this is the best. Yeah. I got to turn it off. I'm doing Rogan on Monday. So now I'm not getting high.

Didn't you just do it like three weeks ago? What are you doing, what are you in the Rogan's? You're a regular. You're in the Rogan's fair. What are you, what are you? You're a gang fest promoting the book. Promoting fucking. You're going to talk.

You're going to talk. You're like that actor. Bill Bowman. I mean, Bill Pullman. He loved it. Don't even fucking look at me. He's dying. I know he is.

We're not. It's not unanimous. Are you going to get high before you do Rogan? No, I got to get off the weed again. Why? Why don't you get high with them? No, no, no, no. Why do you have to get off the week?

Rogan doesn't need a silly Billy Gomez. Yeah, we do. I love silly goes. He needs silly Billy Gomez. Rogan, no selling any of my silly billy jokes. That boy works stiff. Can we, um, can we put up a, uh, saying that boy works stiff when we're going with,

with Rogan. Pause. Can we, can we put up a, like a pole to see if Lewis should go and hide a Rogan or not? It was one.

Silly Billy or not silly Bill? The first time I did Rogan by myself. Sure. You know, Rogan, like, Rogan's hard to make laugh just in general, but like, the chemistry wasn't there.

Like, my rhythm wasn't there with him at all. And somebody put out... Hey, can you play me in? Did somebody put out a video of like every time I bombed. I remember. watching. An X would come over my face.

Here you go. It's actually good for parenting. He goes, no, it's not. Every time Rogan disagreed with me, great X. It was like 16 of them. Did you go in silly, Billy? Were you silly Billy Gomez for that one?

He's fucking lost. He's kind of... He's playing with the... No, that's not true. It was bad timing on Dan's end because he should have seen that I was unplugging to take it out of here. I looked over and the mic was over.

He might have assumed he could get a cord back into a microphone after a quarter century of doing stand-up comedy. Cord or Century. Fuck, yeah, Joe. You sexy little bitch. I kind of like Lewis because you can't,

he's just gonna go with you on this. I think you go silly Billy Gomez for Roeux. Other way, I kind of like Lewis. One of the most often quoted lines in comedy. I kind of like Lewis. Where's our coffee? Yeah, what the fuck is our coffee? What's Paco doing?

I can tell you what happened. What? I know what happened. Please. Paco would have been here. Bumped into Dan as he got off the train. and Dan said my Duncan Donuts coffee's all watery, so we had to dred John back there to Starbucks.

Duncan, I don't know what happened to Duncan. They just give you water as fuck. It's watery as fuck. So now you're having Paco get you another one. No, he was walking and he went, hey, and I went, oh, you're going to Starbuckin. He was like, hey, er, I got it. I went, hey, er, and he went. No, I was like, medium coffee with half and half.

He went, me get you another coffee. Oh! That was good at like Christopher walking. That was the bit. You're too puny. You get high, you get way too puny. You're not funny, punny. Funny.

He looks fucking Hawaiian You look like the Punisher Oh my god Recovery room Gomez I'm not down with fucking Coming in there the doctor's telling him Why are you this high are you celebrating? I just smoked a joint

Whole joint how big of a joint Is that why you're late It's sitting on the steps right now No I smoked it on the way from the car to here Damn sir Oh you got launched as you were coming up I'm sure your half a joint will still be there two hours from now.

It was two Mexican guys eyeing it down as I came up the stairs. Maxine? Mexican. Oh, Mexican. Yeah. Did they see it? Fuck you, dude. Sometimes you get a little silly.

Why are you getting there? Real men get high. Hey, Lewis. Yeah. What? Did you think the Mexicans see it? You're really going to push. S.I. C.

C. Sign. You're going to make his brain explain. That was a bad joke. Give him the bomb dana. That's what we. do for bad jokes. Let me disrobe this microphone. Please. Keep it the sexy music on, please.

There is. Here's our coffee. You gotta give it to him like you're doing a strip tease. Around his neck. I did something. Like Jessica Rabbit. I did something today. I haven't done since I was 15. Fingered your butt? Nope. I've done that way a lot. Okay. Skip breakfast?

That's way. That's fun. I don't skip breakfast. That's a bad thing to do. Drugs or alcohol? No. I didn't do and alcohol since you were 15 years old had sex with a lady on a bus? No, I know I've sucked a dick for a steak This morning I've done that

Are we just gonna keep on guessing? Yeah Worked at a house The whole show Mentally rich people? Uh, no Pacco Paco!

Finally! Paco loves Emily Paco loves Emily Thank you Paco Jesus Christ Taco Taco Tuesday That's a long it took

I put up a poll and so far it's 100% yes for Lewis going silly Billy. Silly Billy on Rogan? Yeah, dude, you got to go silly Billy on Rogan. You got to stop. Thanks, Paco. I know, because Duncan, you fucking let me down. Your coffee's fucking shit now.

Stop working on marketing. I did something. I actually, I fucking, I didn't pay for the train. I didn't pay for the train. The train was pulling up. I looked and the door was open to crack. And I was like, I fucking should I do it?

And I did it and I ran through with... How embarrassing it would have been if you would have got arrested? We can't do the regs today. Bobby got caught jumping the turnstiles. This is the most boring version of Bert's story ever? I had to... I had to run to the train,

which was more embarrassing, seeing me run. And I had to hopped down all three of the stairs. And I almost stumbled into the fucking... I got bad knees. I ain't hopping down three stairs. I jumped down, almost stumbled into the train. And then I went in and there was two young,

just laughing at me and I went made it and they just looked at me like yeah whatever that's awesome I like they gave you nothing they went okay this is the subway I've never not paid for the subway wow I've always paid for the subway wow I've always paid you can do whatever you want now I know

but I don't I always pay I always pay and I've never not paid we're paying for this story right now Jesus that's good it's all right it was pretty good I mean if it was other Lewis no no no no no no no no no I'm trying to be mean even I'm I'm sorry, but I should. Can I tell you why? That was a good one.

Because after he said it, he was just fucked up, dude. After he said it, he was just so low. Your story's a great, dude. I'm sorry, man. Bobby, can I tell you why I liked it? Because he said it and he was just by himself, and he went. There was no Lewis at the end of it.

I should have said it with more fucking venom. Let's try it again. I like this. No, dude, I'm fucking, I feel like I want to cuddle with you. DeClaude Lewis rules. Have you ever done? Have you ever? I know you have.

Yeah. You've gone through the subway without paying? Without paying, yes. I used to make it a thing. I used to have techniques. They changed the subways now. It's weird. There's like paddles and shit on them.

Back in the day, used to pull it back, put one leg through, fucking let a shot, and then shuffle forward. I would just Andre the Giants sometimes. Just fucking one leg over or one leg over. Have you ever done it? A little bit when I was in my 20s because I was broke. Yeah. Don't you feel guilty?

Yeah. I feel guilty. Yeah, because he rubs his fucking dirty dick all over the fucking turn style. boy Dan is really helping you out here What? He gave you a little Oh You really sucked Dan

Very charitable I go hey Lewis I let go back there That was all you buddy But yeah my dick was dirty Because I fucked all the time Damn Is that the Zing?

Yeah yeah I have a bunch of STDs Because I fucked tons of pussy Yeah but I've fucked Not STDs He was a monster Yeah dude I fucked He was a monster

He definitely fucked more girls Than you back in the day Yeah Bobby 39 girls. What do you want from me? 39? You keep a list?

Yeah. 39? Well, 39, you can just remember. I can name them off. I can name them off like fucking Will Hunting. Bobby Danny, bike. Yeah,

I kept track. Really? Approximately. Dan, you don't fuck a lot of chicks. No, Dan back on the day with throw down. What are you kidding? What are you kidding? You fucked?

He fucked? He fucked my girlfriend in front of me. You fuck? Fun. Yeah. Sarah? I haven't. That's my wife.

My girlfriend is... I've been in a relationship for seven years. Whoa. But before that, I was quite the philanderer. I liked to have fuck. I don't know.

Yeah, I fucked. Not as much as you. You fucked that old lady in my house. I remember that, yeah. I didn't fucking... I fucked. Yeah. But I think I fucked the grossest.

Do you think you fuck the grossest? No. I guarantee you, everyone at this table, I have fucked the grossest woman. All right. New game. Name the grossest woman you've ever fucked. Wait. I just came up with that.

You want to talk about an old lady. You want to talk about there's a Valentine's Day at Carolines. And I thought, Valentine's Day massacre. I fucked this older woman and I was blackout drunk. And it upset me how gross she was. She was so gross. She was a dude. No. But, man, I probably would have felt better if it was a dude. I fucked the girl. I had to spray ass body spray.

He just had a bomb. He just took a sip. Yeah. I picked up Axe Bonnie Spray off the headboard and spray. it into her asshole. Oh, was that the girl from the dueling piano bar? You should have asked her first. I can't even...

Was that the one with... That's fun. Was that the one with Tom and... Or not Al and when you guys all went to the... Your apartment? It was that gross. Oh, that was a different one. That was a different one.

Louis is still laughing at his joke. I fucked a 350-pound woman in Plattsburgh who broke the tiles and she blew me while she was pissing. And it was loud... That sounds like a limerick. That's pretty good. It was like...

And then she called my house. What? I fucked, uh... Yeah, Joe. I fight. I, how about this? Twice. This was all set up just for Joe to admit all the monsters he fucked.

Two times in my life, I had to have friends step in and be like, you cannot fuck this thing. I had a woman who was like 55 years old and she had mustache on either side. Like it was all like a reverse Hitler. It was just on either side. And they were like, you can't do this. And another time I had Paul Otto. It was like a woman who was like 68. Did you fuck the mustache chick?

No. Because people stepped in and I was mad. because I was like, fuck you, motherfucker. It was like when someone gets kicked out of a baseball game and they have to eventually grab them.

They're like, that's horseshit, man. Why? Were you already making out with her? Did you kiss the mustache? It was already on. No, I didn't kiss the moustache,

but I touched the tits of the mustache owner. Tits first, no kiss? Yeah, well, we are goofing around. Right, the tits, no kiss. That's right.

All tits, no kiss. Yeah, it was, I had some real low self-esteem, yucky ladies. Yeah. I don't know. I mean,

if you skip kissing, and just start playing with their tits, that's a sign of a real dog. It's crazy. That is crazy. There you go, I just need to touch. I'm not kidding. I just need to touch your weird body.

I'm not going to kiss you, though. How are the tits? It was over the brow over the shirt. This is that Pub 18. Type of bra like an old lady bra? It was squishy. It was a little soft. Oh, my.

It's like 65 clasped on the back. Yeah, yeah. Wait, who was the second chick? I'm sorry. Did I miss it? Second chick. He said there was two times it was a Oh, it was an old lady.

It was an old lady that used to Remember Hogpit? Remember that show? That was right on my... I remember that was on 26th Street, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she came all the way back in the cab. Was that her name, Hogpit? No, that was the name of the... Well, she was like a lady that used to be hot, but was like,

legitimately probably 70 years old. And Paul Odo and his girlfriend, Emily Tarver, you guys knew what we know. At the time, they had to be like, you cannot do this. And we had to put the lady back in the cap. And I remember the door, like, sliding. It was like a slider. And it was like the end of the godfather where, like, she just disappeared, like all sad, because she's probably going to get late for the first time in 45 years. Oh, please, young man.

I paid a 70-year-old later to give me a back rub and jerk me off. And then at the end of it, she goes, you pay your wife to rub your back and rub your back? Ain't no same one. That one was just good. Good. I was into mature masseuse hand jobs for a minute. Oh, wait. Like how long of a while did that last?

It was like, this ended it. I showed up. It was like a fetish, and then you got in the ring with it, and you were like, no. She had a cotton candy hair, and her nightgown didn't fit anymore. Her nightgown didn't fit anymore, and she had arthritic hands. And I remember we took an elevator up. We had one of those old people elevators in her house to get her up the stairs. And then we went upstairs.

It was like, fucking 100 cats. And then she gave me a back rub. And then at the end, she's like, all right, roll over. And I was like, hey, is there? a prostate massage included she goes you want that I go if it's included in the price and then she had to put a glove on her hand

and she just rub my ass with oh yeah that's because her finger will snap off yeah so I want a prostate massage but I've had that happen and I've had them put condoms on their fingers and I was like this day you're making a gay we're getting a step closer we're being doing yeah I agree with them you want me to rub your ass for okay man

yeah just put a glove on you don't put a dick crazy dude that's for a dick She put a fucking, and it's ribbed? What was your... You find out you like it? You're like, oh, you push into it. What was your small talk with the woman like? Like in the elevator?

Were you shutting one of those chain doors? She goes, she said, do you show you want to do this? You're allergic to cats? I was like, yeah, let's go. I didn't give a shit. I'll rub you. You're big. It was bad.

She's old and mean. You're a big guy. She's rubbing my back like this with her. Oh. I love a massage. I love massage. I don't like being touched. You don't like a massage?

I love it. Foot massage even? Foot massage is great. Love a foot massage. Do you want to get home massage after this? I can't, but I would love to get one. I need, these dogs are barking. I love when they just get in that meat.

You've never been to a massage place where they jerk you off? Happy ending? I haven't. I don't like being touched. It's not pleasurable. Me neither. Yeah. Yeah, you just had a lady with her fucking.

Well, you've never been to a rubbing tug? Nope. That's insane. Yeah. One time I thought. thought it was happening and then the lady didn't do it and I was like I think this is just a legit place and I didn't ask about probably they thought you were a cop

yeah I had that short haircut for a while short seizure cut and I'd go in and be like I don't know just take whatever massage you want the way you get around police the way you get around that is you pick you present your asshole and spread it open I go oh and you go I'm not a cop I promise I'm not a cop yeah dude I laid it I laid on straight

I had no clothes on completely you lay down straight and you stand up gay come on dude I lay down on the table completely naked. I spread my leg so you can see my little weiner and balls poking through like... Are you on your stomach or your back? On my stomach? Do you tuck it? Do you tuck it through? So you can see it? Yeah, you give her a little fruit bowl?

Yeah, yeah. A little cornucopia? She goes, oh, look at this. Oh, look at all this grapes. There's the fruit of the loom logo. Oh, it's balls and penises. It's balls and penis. The fruit of the loom. It's a heck out.

The dick and balls hanging out from under your app. So that's how you let her know that you're about the business? Yeah, yeah. And then if she comes over and she starts, like, touching the inner thigh and touches your ball and dick. What does she boop your winger? She starts rubbing her fingers on your ass crack. Yeah. Oh, she's right it apart.

Is that how you guys know? No, this is how you know. If they have a table shower, if they're like, you want to take, that, that's not legit. That's 100%. Table shower? Like, you're a giant infant? Yeah. They put you on a table?

Yeah. And the table's, like, just covered in, like, old yellowed plastic. Yeah. That, like, padding that's got water-resistant plastic. They ladle it off, though. They take a ladle with hot water, and they ladle it off. Then they lay you down, and then they wash you like you're a fucking baby elephant. Can I tell you right now?

Nothing makes me more uncomfortable. It's very zoo-like. Then laying in naked water, naked in water that's not submerging me, that's just like touching my back. Oh, yeah. I hate that. I don't know why that feeling is making me go like. You lay in used water. You can feel another.

man's body has been in the water. I like that. Dude, it's a bucket. It's a bucket of water with a ladle in it. And it's just on the floor and it's been dripping into that bucket all day. So they're just washing you down. They make Bobby bathe like they made Bugs Bunny Bave. He's like in a pot himself, lading stuff on to himself.

Wow. Holy shit. I tell you right now. I think you can go to the camera. I think you could stop it where you can see me go. We all get it. You can see me go like this. No. There was a lot of. bees in there.

There's a moment where I went to reach for him and I went, not this time. Wow. You should 100% get high on Rogan. Remember the, do you remember the end of... If you just start smashing Rogan like that?

Yeah. He's like, yeah, that's interesting, man. I didn't think about that. I couldn't even... You were like Hans Gruber falling off that building at the end of Niagara where I was like, I'm not reaching.

We all just stared at them. Yeah, it was good. Yeah, if they have a table shower, if they open past 10, open past 10. or up until 10 now. Or if they charge a lot for a regular shower, if it's like 70, 80 bucks or a shower, massage,

for like 70, 80 bucks for the massage, you're like, all right, this place is... Yeah. Yeah, if it's like, because a regular massage should be like 40 bucks for an hour, 50 bucks for an hour. Do you think there's ever any legitimate massage places that go like, well, just stay open later?

I had one around. And then all these guys coming and go, you want to jack me off? They used to do the legitimate around the corner that would just, you know, you'd get massage, there'd be like a lady next to you with a curtain, just getting a back rub,

but a way around it, is you go two hours just legs. And then around an hour and a half in, they get tired and they just jerk you off. No way. You've submitted them into jerking you off? Yeah. She tried to, she goes,

He has leg like horse. He has leg like horse. I can't work him no more. I just jerk you off. You leave you. Two hours, just legs. You fatiguing them? That works in any massage,

Paula. I can't do any more. You're more legs. I was thinking about getting James a massage After a jiu-jitsu class, there's a Chinese place right next sort of a jit-sue place. Is that weird for a 13-year-old? To get a rub and tug?

Get a real place. You're a asshole. Get a real place. I took Mac in a Rubber to a real place. Go to a place that's called like sports science. Guys, pause it. It was never on the table for a rub and tug. I need to make that very clear.

I knew that. Yeah, we did that also. We knew that. I was just double checking. I think it's still strange. You got maxed massage? At a legit, like a real massage. Yes, we know it's not a rub-dook.

You don't have to. qualify this. It's not a rubbing Yeah, but you don't know that. I know that. It's Chinese? It was a white guy in scrubs. Is that what you mean?

It was a Dutch lady in scrubs. Okay. No, there's a place that's a legit place. I go to. No. Max loved it. It's great. After jiu-jitsu one day,

go get massages? Yeah. You can do it together in the same room. Yeah, a couple's massage. Yeah, do that. So you know she's not trying to fucking... I love a cuckled massage. But you should still have to keep it after the bubble.

You know, I won't keep it. I'll keep it. I love it too. Everyone, everyone gets their own a free bomb. If you get a second bomb, you have to take it, but everyone gets a free bomb for that one. That is a good, yeah. Of my terrible bomb, blah, ba, ba, ba, bum.

Bomb, bum, bomb, bomb. Bomb, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. If when they're massaging you, they take the top, they can't take the towel off. A real massage place will, uh, that has to be on all the time. Sure. And they'll cover a leg when they get in the inner thigh. I remember that.

But if they take the top, they whip it off like a fucking bullfighter. You go, it's all. Is that where you start gyrating? If they take a towel. I'm going to get a massage today. We're talking about it. Oh, I want one too. Let's go.

You want to go? They used to be a place on 30th between seventh and eighth. It was like high end. Like you'd walk in and it was really fancy and you'd get a really nice locker room and they would have a Spanish girl wash you. Ooh. So you go in and it's a Spanish hot chik washing. Spanish charge.

They could charge $100 more. Same thing. $100 more. But all the girls were like hot young, you know, younger girls. And they were in the, they were in the, not traffic. They were absolutely traffic. They were in the white massage smocks, which made it official. Yeah.

You know what I mean? This is way better than the crate we were put in to come over here. All right, whatever fucking. In Cabo, they were just like out in front of the massage places. They were straight up like hookers and massage uniforms. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. That's what I want where they go, hey, we're wearing it.

We're wearing it. We're wearing anything. Those are gross, man, when they just don't care. Yeah. I went to Tijuana. They took a cab into the like the suburbs, which is fucking scared. It was the men's sports club massage place. And you walked in, I go, where's the gym?

And she goes right there. And it was just, you know, those little step things? Yeah. And I just had a dumbbells where you wait to get your massage so you could just curl and then do the step thing. So you can just pump up before you get jacked off? Oh, it was gross, dude. It was gross.

Are they hot though? No, they were hot, but then they got naked and, ugh, it looked like her mouth had a Pissy had like a yeast infection. You. Oh, you told us this story? Yeah, I don't like that shit. But the Asian places, there's some fancy places. There was one at Penn Station at the hotel.

You know the hotel in Penn Station? On like the second and a half floor or some weird fucking floor. And it's hot. Like you go in there, it's all dudes in business suits. Like high-ended. Yeah, right before a train home. A little more expensive. They closed down the second and a half floor 30 years ago.

Oh, I got jerked off by a ghost. Oh, Phantom Jack. Probably got jerked off by a seven-year-old girl ghost. She goes, please, mister, I'm just trying to make my soul rest. Just finish me off dick. You know, it's funny that you're like, that shut down 30 years ago. You're like, yeah, he was 30. Yeah.

He was there. He was doing a, okay. But my point is, you got to go longer. 100 years ago. Yeah. Bobby's old. Could have been there 30 years ago. He was like 27.

No, I assume it was. 30 years ago, he was like 25. He was actually hot. I assumed he was cheating on his family. Thanks, Joe. You don't cheat on your family. You're cheating on your wife. Me, your son loves it.

Cheat on your son is crazy. If you had another son that you were hanging out with. Your son hates it. What? Your son loves it. No. He loves Karen. Oh, cut that.

I'm shocked that you never went. When I wanted to do it, I didn't have any money. You know, the first one to take, I went in Boston, in New York. Keith took me to him. That doesn't surprise me. In Philly. He took me to Philly. He probably haggles him.

He does. He got, I got, I shut up. I saw you here last week. You got fucking, look at your hands. He paid fucking, like, $35. I paid $60. Now he goes in and he gets half price. He's like, just hold your hand still.

And he just shakes until he comes. I'll just do my right side. I only one side now. I wonder if he still goes to those places. I hope. That'd be awesome. I bet they, like, cheer. You know, like, they're like, whoa.

You know, like the hospital and they cheer when a kid leaves after he treats his cancer. He rings the people. Yeah. They all go. He back, he back here. Mean black guy, he back. They play that little, like, thing from Karate Kid. I'm here to jerk off.

Someone pulled a cum out of me. Yeah, I always, there was a 2007 to 2010. I really wanted to do it. And it had zero money. And they had the best, too. Oh, there was a time when I would spend 100% of my entire life savings on a handjob from a Chinese hooker. I was never confident I was in the right place or how to work it.

I didn't know. I just was so afraid of being like, you know, it's like a, it's a scared Chinese woman, just spending too much money for her fucking massage for. Yeah, but it's same like when you go to a big barbecue restaurant, you don't know how to order, and you go, you say the weight of the meat, and then you say the meat,

I just walk in there and be like, I just want a hand job. I wouldn't have been able to. Yeah, I never feel confident that it's definitely. I wouldn't know to go in, like, like casino lingo. When you go in, you're like, I'll take three on the five or whatever. If it's open past 10 And they have table showers

But the risk reward is so hard There's no risk There's no risk They go get out to my place We got that kind of guy We got him, we got him And then a flower van Two hours just legs

No dude you just punch her dude You start having a fucking karate match You spar Damn that's why Lewis loves it so much Yeah dude I was hoping it would come to this You're taking your watch off Oh

Miss Ling Oh good to see you again White Shadow Well back in New York back in the day, they used to wear like evening gowns and shit. Now, because they got caught and they crack down on, they have to, you know, they try to dress. Well, they wear smocks or they wear regular clothes. Back of the day, you'd walk in and be a bunch of chicks like in evening gowns sitting around a hot pot.

And then they'd come up and present, and you get to pick who you wanted. And they come up and they just line there. And then they, I went in San Francisco one and it was like a big wooden door. And you could hear, you could hear it. It was all guys. You hear out And then they open the door. It was all Joe List doing impressions.

Oh my God, Joe List. It was all Asian chicks and evening gals. And the last one was just smoking hot blonde. And I just went, her. And they had, don't down, don't da. They were like, of course. And she's just been run through all day. She's like, oh, no.

She goes, I had a really bad boyfriend when I was 18. Yeah, that's all I got here. You need to pick the third hottest one, doggy. Because the hottest one, she's been used all this, especially later in the day. You got to go first thing in the morning, crack the dawn first, the first shift of the day, get the hottest girl.

The later you get in the day, you got to go down a couple pegs in terms of hotness. Lewis is waiting for them to open up the store with the other girls outside. Louis, hey, that's pretty good. I don't know. Down the place, it's got a good breakfast. Lewis goes along with the cashier at the front.

Lewis, you're back. Number one supporter. Damn, dude. How many times did you go? A lot? Rub and tugs? Yeah. Like a lot.

A lot. Oh, right. By the way, there's a joe wrist.com, and it's just my face, and you click on it, and it does Asian voice. It's clips of all my Asian voices. Really? And she got a little fake mouth.

Go to Joe Rist. Go to Joe Rist. I think that's the website. Someone just made it. That's very funny. And it's just me going on. It is a good way to release attention without fucking having to... Without cheating.

A lot of girls don't care. I think it's a little cheating. Girls these days don't care. Just ask your wife. Would Sarah care, do you think? if I said, hey, can I go have a strange lady? Yeah. Katie would have a problem with it.

Don has, I asked them. If I was like, can I go get a rubbing tug? She'd go, the fuck. Yeah. Don actually said no, because I asked. Well, my wife and I have sex a lot. Yeah, we don't. Yeah.

Well, that, if your wife doesn't have sex with you and then won't let you get jerked off, that's a little shittier. My wife would be like, we fuck four times a week, you fucking psycho. I feel like a rub and tug. I understand why it's above board with. certain couples. Sure. But I also understand why it's not. It's not like it's not that crazy. I'm bored

with your story. Damn. Wow. Joe really is. It's your second one. It is. That wasn't a bomb. I'm saying I'm bored. That was a bomb. It was a joke. No one laughed. I'm they hated it. We all hated it. Damn. All right. Let's take a quick moment. I think our brand new sponsor, which is

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Where were we? All right, guys. Let's take a quick moment to thank you. Body Brain Coffee, my company. I own Body Brain Coffee. It should be known. I think I have to say that for like legal purposes. It's my company. Are you high?

He's wicked high. I can smell you. You're wicked high, dude. Yeah, I can smell you. You're just staring at me. Yeah, yeah. We know it's your company, dude. Well, no, I have to say that legally. But everybody knows it. For the fucking TSA, the FDA. What is it? The, uh, ATF. ATF.

ATF. No, no. T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T. R.M. sir no it's the tea makes a lot ATF no no no no yeah tobacco firearms no it's not that's not what it is what do you talk to them for 40 years ATF it's uh you know the company that'll be like

oh you can't do that you got a better business C C C won't let me be better business bureau who gives a fuck tell them about body brain federal trade commission this is a horrible ad you're so high right now you have down syndrome right now I'm sorry, I didn't drink my body brain coffee.

You drink some body brain coffee. I needed some body brain coffee. That was the problem this whole time. Look, here's the thing. It's not normal coffee. It is normal coffee. It is normal coffee. It tastes like great coffee.

But it's blended with adaptogens and neutropics that will support brain function, naturally supports your testosterone levels, which is great for guys our age. Mood and overall, it gets rid of the jitteriness. You get normally from normal coffee because it's got althianine. Really incredible product. Bobby Kelly, as you call it. on body brain, Kelly. That's crazy.

Every fucking day I'm on body brain. My dick is hard in the morning. My fucking everything's getting tight. I work out four times a week with dumbbells. And then you podcast once a month with dumbbells. It's good. You're right.

Right at the top of my head, Louis. Look, I'll tell you right now, it is great, and that's probably the body brain talking. It's really a great product. People really love it. Five simple ingredients. You mix it hot, cold, putting your protein shake. You put in your ice cream like Bobby does. Putting your oatmeal. No, you can't put. I actually get yogurt ice cream

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I have it. I have it. Ew, Danny. You need some body brain coffee, you nasty fuck. He sounds like the keyboard from Ferris Bueller. I always keep a body brain in my bag too because sometimes you get to the hotel and they got gabbage coffee. I just heat the water up. You bring it on the road. They're individual sachets.

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BodyBring Coffee coffee.com. Use that promo code Rags 20. Let's go. Let's go. Who's the grossest woman you've ever been with Bobby? I've been with a lot of gross. Name names.

I was with one girl. that was she was like oh i love it in my ass i was like i'm in your ass i don't it just went right big max is sleeping shh jesus i've never seen don's asshole um really we all have show me i'd love to see it smart enough smart enough yeah it's obnoxious he's obnoxious he's a piece of shit it's rude man i've seen his girlfriend's asshole so what whoa that right how you haven't that's i say check though you know not this one he's seeing a few girlfriends Not this one. Too back.

I think it was, I was in the Hampshire. This is years ago. I think I was 19. And we went up to where I actually have a house now, up to Lake Win of Pasaki. And we were up there in the fall, like almost winter when nobody's really up there

down at Where's Beach. You've been to Where's Beach, right? Where's Beach. And it's just, we caught a couple local chicks just walking, me and my friend. It's right next to What's River. And I appreciate it. You will not, not while I'm alive, get the bandana for that one.

Because I appreciate what you did it right. And then we put them in the car. It's right by the who see. And we went to a hotel that was shut down for the season. Oh, wise motel? Wait, so you're off-season in the winter, a New Hampshire local. The chick I was with was a beast, though. She was many levels.

Oh, she was like fat, and then she went thin, and then she went fat. again. It sounds like an hourglass. Her legs were fat. It was. And then, but his chick was just goofy, kind of hot.

She was just like, hi. And my, they were fucking around in the front. And I was just sitting in the back being a wing man. And this one was,

he's eating wings. She goes, she goes, I want to fuck. And I was just like, oh, okay. He went, I can't right now.

I got a full belly of wing. And my friend leaned back and he goes, he goes, dude, just fuck her, man. Come on, just fuck her. I get that, though. I was like, all right. Because he's fucking around. I was kind of ruining the party. So then she just ripped her pet.

I just remember her fucking body just became the backseat of the car. And then I started fucking her. And I remember he turned the lights on and leaned back. He goes, I was kidding, you fucking maniac. That's fucked up. And I jumped off her. I had one that I thought you might have been there in the old, my first story apart. Maybe you weren't there.

I'm not people hanging out and I fucked a lady and I She was so stinky and gross It was the only time I had to stop And then my roommate at the time was like Would you mind if I jump on it? That's the Dueling Piano League. Yeah, that sounds right. I was there Yeah, yeah, she was disgusting. She was very disgusting and it was so funny Deweeating Piano. We met her at this dueling piano bar and they were like

I think we're gonna come with her. Let's go home and turn her under the piano And I remember being with I was so drunk that I was like you're not really gonna fuck her And I wasn't even living in Queens yet I went out there and hung out with you And I was like, you, I left It's hazy, but I remember fucking her And I was like losing my book

Because she was much older and it felt sad And then I just couldn't I was like, I'm sorry, I'm too drunk And then I had a roommate who was like Would it be cool? Which is so funny, the idea of me being like No way bro That's my girl

I was like, yeah, yes, please That's an honest woman in there Who's just laying an open hole She just was like yeah Bring another guy in and fuck me Yeah Well, a lot of times the people I was with were very sad and had bottomed out. Maybe they were just fucking into their sexuality.

That's true. They were just awakened. Maybe they're just into it. How many girls do you think were that story for them? Were they like, I fucked a guy at like a weird deep voice and kept doing Rodney Dangerfield after we had sex? There was a lot of girls that have been. I've fucked hot chicks. I fucked a girl.

I remember I met her at a private gig in New York. It was like a thing for Comedy Central where we did a show at an office. and her and I like after the thing we're flirting and hooking up and then we hooked up and she I could tell she was like oh like not happy that we fucked yeah she was the one I wrote a joke about that I started

talking dirty and she goes oh boy we got a shirt and brush an accent she was like he stole that and turned it into a bit but I remember her being like annoyed I remember her being like you live in Queens under a train in a windowless room and I was like right with another

the comic? With two other at the time. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oof, that poor girl. I hope she's all right. Yeah, we're on... We're telling stories about disgusting women. Yeah, but there's women that have... Dan's just talking about, like, hot checks that he banged. No, that were you're the gross one, which has definitely happened with you. We're 100%. You love the gross one? Yeah, you have 100% been the gross one. Yeah. You don't think you have been... My current girlfriend. I feel bad for her. She says, yeah, I don't know what it is. I think he drugs me in my feet or something. And that Lewis gets fucked. I'm saying, Joe, you

had to have been, a girl has been like, I don't know what that fuck is. Yeah, I mean, I had warts and herpes and teeth and the same. That's what I mean. We've been the fat chick a lot. That's what I, yeah, that's funnier. Thinking about which fucking girls were like, a giant head slept in my bed and now it's lopsided. I remember one girl, a smoking hot girl was, I mean, she was, she was down to eat. I was like, go down. And she licked my ass once under my tent. She went, I don't want to do this. I was like, I was her opener? I get it. Chris has a very human moment. Please don't make me do this.

I don't want to do this. So you're like, I don't know if you're going to get this. Do you remember the after school special where they took all the cartoons? Yes. And they made it like. Michelangelo showed up. It was the anti-drug one. Michaelangelo, Alvin, the chipmach.

It was like bugs. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. Every cartoon, all the studios have said, fuck it for the sake of kids. For no drugs. And do you remember there was one, like, one of the cartoon characters was like, smoke was like drugs. It was essentially a cartoon character that represented drugs, like a slug.

leasy like drugs. The longest setup in the world. It is the long setup. But I know what you're talking about so far. If they made that for STD's, Joe would be the anime. He kids? Why don't you take the condom off?

I feel real good. Take your condom off and rub your privates together. Nothing's going to go on with me. Hey kids. And then like Mario Lopez. He fucking set up the assist on that's so good. And then one of the garb- No, no, I knew he would get it.

But Lewis. One of the garbush. Goyles comes in and goes, no, that's that's not that's not someone who should mess around with. The tiny tunes one of the animaniacs is like, don't forget to use a rubber.

Or you can become that. Joe, that's a fucking brilliant setup. That is very funny. That was a long setup and a past the day. Oh, Winnie the Pooh. He's like,

don't forget. Always, where a gondon. You nasty fuck. Oh, that big stinky cloud, that's hobbies. That'll give us all. Joe, Joe, you got it. Joe, that was a good one, man. Hey, it's dark winged duck.

Don't have sex with Joe. You'll have sores all over your pussy. Joe, oh my God. I like the dark wind duck. Eak the cat. Oh, Man, Al,

you weren't wearing one of those condoms. Oh, Jesus Christ. All the cartoons and shit I just sat Dan down a

fucking rabbit hole of cartoon voices. Joe, Joe's the guy they unite against. He's like, Hey, kids,

you want to have sex on this playground without a condom? Well, that could be a problem. Sure, you don't see the problem,

but I do. Suffering, suck a test. Now look out, kids. That's her. Herpy. What's the Southern Rooster?

He's like, well, oh, I'm sort of a, Joe's going to give you the clap. Well, I say. Sucker, yeah. I see. What I do to clap.

That right there is herpes. That's right, Lewis. Good bit. While you were paying Chinese ladies to jerk you off because you got no game and you're fat. I was smashing.

Smashing it up. I'm excited. Exactly what you were talking about when you said that. I was like, I haven't thought of that cartoon in fucking 30 years. Wow, that was a good one. There might be a producer that could pull it up. No, give it up hope on them. Jesus.

There is no co-pilot. Where the fuck of the cook? We didn't even bring up fucking Joe List fucking hand. Joe Rist. Do Rist. Can you pull up that cartoon? They can't pull up anything. He hasn't pulled up anything.

Fucking Kiko. Paco is currently pulling that cartoon up and we could not find the Joe Rist.com. That wasn't the name of the website. Well, whatever. There was the name of the whizzy. Damn, that was a good deal. Cookies. Let's go.

Do you want cookies? He needs that? Well, now I'm upset. Send Joe Russell, who's on Facebook. He's actually editing. Doing nothing else.

He's editing photos that he takes that we use at the beginning all the time, which is on Photoshop. And he's high-resing them. Are there cookies just across the street? What he's doing? He's working. I'm high-res right now.

Joe's the only one really working right now. Yeah, Joe's the only one really working right now. Yeah. Yeah, I'm working my ass off. Not you, Bobby. Can you imagine Joe's just editing? And then he just hears like, what is Joe? He's like, God, son of a bitch.

What the fuck was that? Great. We just got demonetized. Thanks. Good job. All right, do we have that cartoon now? It's a half hour special. Yeah, it is.

Yeah. Yeah. Pull up my half hour special, too. And all of the fucking cartoons came together. All the studios were like, this is an important thing. deal. Kids can't do drugs. Yes, cartoon All-Stars to the rescue. There it is. Holy shit.

It was big, dude. You had to go home and watch it. It was a big deal. They did this with stars, too, like on TV. Remember they had that? Oh, the bushes. Oh, look at this. Babs, Barbara. The ugliest first lady ever. Hi. Did you imagine having to

fuck that pearl? I haven't gotten hard in 30 years. I was the head of the CIA. God knows the fucked up shit. I did. Fucking dog is just smelling mothball pussy. She just snaps his neck at the end of this. She's going to eat this dog.

Oh, boy. You don't remember this? I remember this. I remember this like a motherfucker. I don't remember any of that. You know, it's crazy. You were 50 already. What a good little special to smoke weed and watch.

Oh, wow, dude. Oh, we should get high and watch. Yeah. You are high. Dan, you know you weren't high, though. A little bit from earlier. I mean, you're more high. There's a half a joint in the steps.

Oh, look, is a Bobby, uh, statue. It's you now, fatso. Oh, is this her brother stealing money for drugs? Oh, the smirfs coming together. Looks like a dick. That looks like Lewis's cock.

Damn, they got everybody for this one. So far, just a smurf. It does look like me. You are. You're Papa Smurf now. A popper smearf. Oh, no. I hated the Smurfs.

I never got it. I never got a smirfs either. I didn't get it. I feel like Gargermet was kind of hot, yeah, I feel like Gargermel got a bad deal. you know oh good shout out gummy bears they were the real ones

gummy bears bouncing here in the oven everywhere yeah fragger rock too fragor rock was cool fragor rock was real cool

HBO was it on HBO HBO yeah it was on HBO fragor rock no way yeah it was like a PBS thing what was the theme song

how'd that go fragor I don't remember it but I know it was it's time to go that prego rock

that's that's that's that's it's it was also a rock when Lewis was a drummer. Whoa.

That wasn't a laugh that was just a whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Hey. I felt like you stepped on drummer. If I could have got drummer out, it would have popped, but he started whoaing. I liked it. Yeah, he liked it too. I thought it was rock. Because you played drums and you're gay.

What the fuck? Oh my God. Joe without his cookies. Do I own more coffee? Yeah, why not? I'm okay. Thanks, Paco. I'm good. Thank you, Paco. Yeah, I'm good, too. Thank you, Spider. I never want to, I never. ever want a second cup. Joe, his cookie, you do.

Oh, who farted? You. That's crazy. That's you. Oh, it is you. It's not. Was it Pacco? Poco, did you fart? Paco, that's, oh, Danny, is that you? As sending us a picture of your shit. It's farting? Yeah. I don't agree.

We found out on Legion of Scanks as sending people a picture of your shit without permission is actually a crime. No way. We should get Danny. Oh, I do it a lot. What is it? Like, it's under like some sort of like a revenge porn. the law that says you can't. Is that harassment? Your harassment. The threat of bodily function.

Well, bodily harm because Ariz had blood in it. Sending somebody a picture of blood and shit. What about leaving in your bathroom for your family to find? Yeah, he did that to you? He stayed at my house one one night and just left a bloody shit in the toilet. Who found it? I did. Oh.

That could have set back, Max. Could have really fucked him up. Fucking disgusting. He would have been very anti-Semitic after that. He bleeds a lot out of his asses. like deep blood. All day, every day. Yeah, not like regular blood.

Does they have hemorrhoids? I guess, yes, yes, hemorrhoids. Like horrible, horrible hemorrhoids. Just believe. I would have to have that fix. It would fuck me up in my head. Like, I couldn't get through the day. Nothing feels better.

It's like a swish than a clean poop. Oh, yeah. Well, we're in Cuba. Nothing but net. You can't flush the toilet paper down, so you had to put it in a barrel next to the toilet. What a shitty country. We'd pick Russia over us.

He won. He warned me. He goes, dude, I'm going to, there's going to be bloody, so don't open it if you're going to. It's like you live with a teenage girl. Yeah, it was just blood in a barrel, like a lot, though. How's he not scared? Every time I write my butt and there was blood, I'd be so scared. Well, that's the thing, too, is that that's like a canary in the coma.

If you're shitting blood, but he'll never know it because he does it every day. So he could have colon cancer and not know. I would just be so scared every day. Canary in a colon? I like it. All right. fucking, come on. He had a cute face when he did it.

Andy Colin? Well, I guess I can throw out mine now. He puts the ass in harassment. It's good. I'm not going to let you go down for that one. I'll stand between you and this fucking bob there. Well, I kept mine in until you did your bullshit. Canary and a colon.

That was funny. You guys, this is a real Joe versus Lewis day today. Colin Powell. Yeah, it is. It is very. Oh. They're back. They make up quick.

One down. I'll make out quick. Very punty. I like it. You love puns. Silly Billy Lewis. So your intention is not to go silly Billy. But now you're getting sleepy.

I'm not going very serious. You've had to be Rogan. I'll be me. Okay. Straight a whore moose. What do you think? I love straight whores. Yes.

Bro, let's grapple. And a moose? Joe's reaction would be, he does that a lot. When you do a joke? Yeah, that too. It's a good laugh. He goes,

or a, What could you... Why don't you get high with... He does that a lot of here. On the biggest platform in the world, he's like... Nah. It's the worst.

He boon. When you do a joke... He boos your joke. He goes, boo. Anyways. He does a joke and he goes, what? Yeah. Oh, shit.

No, he'll go... What does he say? He goes... What do you mean by that? No, he goes... He says something, a specific... thing. We,

you know, when you want to joke bombs, let him work it out. Let him work it out. Yeah, no, no, that's what it said. He goes,

bap, bap, something like that. Bamp bat. No, he goes, Womp, he gives you a womp

Wamp Wamp Wamp. Yeah, that spiral. You have a joke, you do a joke like a silly billy joke. It's like a little punty, fun, little fucking,

let me tell you, when I'm gusin it, and he'll go right to your wrist and go, womp, if I'm, you're like, I'll never tell a joke

on this platform again. If I'm gusing it, if I'm silly gooseing it and you won't want to bite you like a goose. It's bad. I'm going to be like, I'm out. Have you been on, right?

Yeah. First time, it was second time, I got high and it was fun because I just went in and I was like, I was silly goose and had a good time. Maybe I was silly goose in the second. I came, here's what I did.

First half, no silly goose second half. I got high with them though. That was the big thing. I got high before, so I wasn't like scared. He must have good weed, right?

Great weed. And then I went in and got high and we just drank coffee and it was silly The other time. Yeah, they found this weed on Mars. I was like, this great. Oh, I was smoking Cat Williams's sweet. Inside of a meteorite. I lit up a joint and he was like,

that was cat Williams' joint. I was like, oh, that's good. That would make my mind explode. Lewis starts bleeding out of his nose. You should challenge him to a grappling match in the studio. I bet you could fuck up Joe now. He's out of practice. He's old.

What? No, no. No, he would crush Lewis. No, no, no. I get out boxing. That's what I'm talking about. You should do that. You don't think you're going to be.

Boxing? Fist fight Rogan. No. My boxing's getting put. Have you ever invited him to Skampfest? Yeah, I invite him every time to Sankfest. Did he ever say, I'll go or maybe I'll go? Yeah, yeah.

We said, you know what? Never mind. That's why he's never been there. He says yes. And then we say, we take it back, Joe. We don't want you there. Sorry, you should have interviewed Kamala. You're not allowed at Skank Fest.

No, obviously he's never said yes. Or he would have been there. No, I didn't say that. I said, has he ever said, like, yeah, I'm going to come and not come? is what I meant. Like he's, yeah, I'm going to show up. But I've done that with my girlfriend before, though. Yeah, that's fun.

It feels you're about to come. That's your 40s. Your arm gives that. You're like, oh. The 40s where you go, this is, the middle was very fun. I'm not going to stay around it yet. You have to lie down. She's like, is it me?

I was like, stop saying that. Stop it. You know what he is? I was 40, getting it my head. It's 100% you. Yes. It's a mixture of both. Little column A, little column A, little column B.

Little column Troll. A little cold. Troll. Little both. I think you go silly Billy Full silly Billy with fucking Rogan I think you go in silly bill or

aggressive aggressive as far political yeah aggressively What are your political views What are you gonna start out with Okay you know what war of humus Straight of him hormones Straight of war of Iran War of Iran

War of Atrition War of attrition that's good Build off that Build off monkeys gorillas Yes Wolves get into space travel Yes. The moon.

What's in beef jerky? Beef. Veal. Elk. Whoa. Joey from Blossop. Joey Lawrence. I'll do my impression of Joey Lawrence from Blossom.

Whoa. And he goes, wamp, wamp, wamp. Whoa. Make him drink. He goes, do six. That was my big finale. He goes, do six. Put on the hat, do six, or get out of my house.

Make him drink body brain on the show. Oh. He does not like that. Oh, when you push your, your wares on him? He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't, he's pushing your products. You should go in an all-blog.

Imagine I went on a podcast and pushed my product on them without the permission. If you treated Rogan like QVC. Hang on one second. That's what this podcast is. He just said. That's exactly what this is. Probably liked it. I mean, Lewis going full.

I would never do that. Lewis going full QVC on Rogan would get me to watch. He just sell everything. He brings up a point. And I got books. And I got coffee. You go, that is a great point, Joe. We are down to 15 packs of body brain.

these things are flying off the shell. I mean, if he brought it up, it would change my world. I mean, yeah, he can't. I'll tell you also what it would do. He'd make you so much money that this podcast would shut down. Oh, my God. Imagine Joe was like, hey, dude, I want to start promoting body but I just change my world. You know what I'd do?

I would call your number and go, bo-d-do-do-do-do-de-do. The number you have called has been changed. Maybe he'd still come in, but he'd pay us. What do you mean? Pay us? I told you, I'm taking you guys on a body-brane retreat. What's that way? For all the body-brand partners.

Can I have the money for the retreat? No. Why don't you send us each on an individual trip? Oh my God, that's great. That'd be cool. No, we're all going to go on a body brain retreat. You can bring your girls. We'll have a villa.

My girl and your girl, well, I like a new girl. She's cool. Yeah, my current girl, she acts older than Dawn. Yeah. She doesn't. Sometimes I just see her, she's sitting there just like thinking about, like, I was like, you're 24. What are you thinking about?

My grandson. My grandson is addicted to, fentanyl. She's like just having like a day where she's like going through like her problems in life

I was like you're a hot 24 year old you have no problems you're a hamster life is just go to the water drinking and drink it and run on your wheel you fucking asshole

you have nothing to worry about no problem you're just in a clean she's looking around with a lot of wood chips under you she's looking around where she is going fuck what am I doing

how the fuck did I end up here how did I fucking end up in Jersey yeah that is right I never let a fucking Puerto Rican Fuck, you would have a rubber. It's a nice house, though. You live a nice house. Dude, it was nice.

She's a stepmom. She's probably always wanting to be a 24-year-old step-man. She's not a step-mom. She doesn't live with me. She lives far away. How far? Two hours. Really?

She lives with her parents? No. Okay. Checking like you're a cop. Like you fucking child services? I was going through the airport there. I brought her with me to Detroit. Oh, absolutely looked trash.

Do you bring her to the airport? We're going through clear. When she gets dressed up, she looks like, she looks older than her age. Like, she really does. She presents as like, you would assume she's like in her late 20s, early 30s. But when she's like wearing like, or Dora the Explorer backpack. Juicy sweatpants. No, that's her look at the airport.

It's like juicy sweatpants. And a blue shirt. She has the shoes with wheels on them. Yeah. The helis. Yeah. She got healy's just singing blue going to the airport. Excuse me, sir.

No, she did she straight up like look young. And we were walking through the airport. She is. And the clear, the agent of clear was like, excuse me. How old are you missing? That's the international sign for being abducted. If she is funny, she should do that to you at an airport. Is that the international sign for me.

They don't put that out enough. I know, dude. We were, me, Santino. Katie were laughing. They're saying fuck you in sign language? I don't know. But there was, we were at Norman Show at the Beacon, and there was an older guy there that works in the industry

that I don't want to name who's kind of creepy. And he had a young girl. Rich Voss. And Katie, Katie Santino and I kept looking at her and going like this, wondering if she was trapped. We were going, are you okay. So you guys were walking through Clear.

Clear agent was like, how old are you? To her. She went this many. And, and then I, she was like, oh, I'm 24. And then he was like, he was like, oh, you look like you're 16 years old.

And I was like, she's fine. Stop asking a question. Lewis is getting hard. Yeah. I was like, hold that thought. Hold that thought. Okay. But she's like, she could be 16.

Yeah. But they were like straight up asking because they were like, are you being trafficked? Are you okay? He goes, little girl, are you excited to see Santa this year? And she goes, I am. He goes, take her. She's being trafficked.

That's a child. Were you nervous at all? You're like, because you're of age. Yeah. But I'd be like, she's legal. I don't know how I would feel about that She's been barely legal. She's legal legal, like well above the line.

Pastor Prime legal. Oh, my God. Right there. Right there, no. But she's below the divide by two and seven. So double your age. It's divide your age and half. I just heard of 44.

22 plus 7 is 29. 29 is so old. What? What? Have you hung up with a 29-year-old? You'll feel old. So old. 29 is not old.

29 30s If you want to have kids one day Here's a problem You gotta spend two three years With somebody at least Before you know if you want to get married with them And spend the rest of your life with them And have kids with them

So then now she's 32 years old Now you're entering geriatric pregnancy territory It's not true It's like 40 is when they cut them Oh 35 they call her a geriatric pregnancy Do they really? Do they? It's fucking really I mean but it is funny

They go what do you 35 Old bitch pregnancy Yeah Hey, this Jurassic Park bitch wants to have an egg. Hey, you're going to have a kid with a hair lip. Get ready for you to do a lot of the teaching at home. You're trying to have a kid with this lady? If it works out.

What will be the final test? Your Eliminator challenge that you put in your backyard? If you get through the course, I'll give you a son. You'll sire me a son. No, I mean, if it works out, if you fall in love and everything's great, and you spend, you know, you say you want to spend the, I'm not going to have another broken home. Broken home.

Both of us were a paperoach. Broken home. I'm not going to have another broken home. I wouldn't do that. That sucked. What happened to your home? She left. She left.

But then you're going to make James the first family kid? You're going to make him the first family kid? Yeah, why not? He's going to come through and be like... I mean, dude, he's 13 now. I am thinking five years away from not having to, like, pour you about kids. Sounds pretty incredible. Dude, that's why when I did that movie with Alec Baldwin,

and he literally, his advice to me was like, don't spend a lot of money. I was like 32. He's like, don't spend money until you're 40. He was like, listen, my daughter's 18 right now. I've got a house and this. Or however old's daughter was, he was like telling me, he's like, I'm free.

And then he, after we did that movie, he met that lady and had seven kids. And you're like, dude, you were out. You told me you were out. He was like, because like I have to, I have to be near Beatrice. Like, where I live. Sure.

It's like, I have to be a quick drive. Like, and that's been for his whole... Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've been very good about that, which we all love. Yeah. Like when Diva, when Diva, not compared to dogs, I mean, children are 100% different, but when Diva died, he'd be so aggressive.

Why don't you chill out a little bit, a little bit? Silly Billy. Yeah, he's just silly Billy. You're not fucking aggressive. Well, now he's, like, hung over. He's all fucked up. The fuck is wrong. He used a little more weed right now. They're a little... When Diva passed, I was sad as fuck.

Sure. But I realized they didn't have to go. Take it for a walk. And take it for a while. Like, I'd have to pick up dog. I was like, hmm. Yeah. You know what I mean?

It's like when Max is 18. Oh, Matt, you're going to miss them. I miss the fuck out of them. But then you're going to have that. But not to have to, dad,

dad, just to have that time. But don't you got to miss it. I did it the other. Like, you had a kid young. Yeah. I waited.

I was, if I could reverse it, I would have had a kid. Nate used to have the best joke about that. Yeah. About 16 and pregnant. And he goes, house he goes i think they got the right way he's like i think 16 pregnant's the way to go but don't you

kind of miss max like this james is finally at an age now where they'll text him and he doesn't know how to turn his like red messages off sure so it's like hey what's going on bob miss you just thinking about you over the weekend it's red leaves it on red just nothing oh i just absolutely nothing back that would sting well anytime it hurts you come home to an empty house sometimes i i i every time i go home they're there you know what i mean you get to come home once and a while to where nobody's home. You know, and just be alone. Just being on the road with, like, all of our friends have young kids.

A lot of our friends have young kids now. And being on the road and then, like, Greg Stone, you know, he's got two young kids. And I'll be like, hey, I think we're going to leave tomorrow at, like, we're going to go to the next city at, like 10, 30 a.m. And he's like, that's fantastic. He's like, I have a whole morning. You don't realize. He's like, this is me being on the road. I get to just sleep in and be myself and get breakfast at the hotel and fucking go.

And you're like, oh, yeah. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. Well, McCusker and I talked about that one time. People without kids will be like, oh, my flight was delayed four hours. And he's like, oh, wow, what did you have to do? Read a book? Mm-hmm.

It's like, when you have a two-year-old, your flight's delayed. You're like, we're fucked. Yeah. You just chasing a kid around. I really do feel grateful when I'm traveling. And I see people with kids, and I go, this is, I've got nothing to complain about. I just said Sarah and Marty in the road with me this week. But they flew home Saturday.

And I dropped into the airport. It's like sad. You're like hugging them goodbye. And it's like a sweet trip. Yeah. And then you get in the car. and there's just no one in the car, and you're like, this is

awesome, delightful. Yeah, next week. I'm flying home without a kid. I mean, even not having a kid, when you live with somebody or whatever, we have a dog, you know, and they're both, we're sending the dog because I got to go out of town.

She's got to go out of town before me, and then I'm at the apartment, and I'm like, well, I told Don't tell you, I need a vacation. She goes, you were just home all weekend. I go, yeah, but you and you guys were here. So it's, I had to fix this and do that.

Yeah. Go here and pick him up. You know, Max just goes out with friends now and I'll get a call. Hey, Dad, can you come here? It's like, I'm in the middle of a fucking John Wayne movie. I'm like, yep, I'll go, fuck. I mean, I don't mind doing it. I love, you know, that I, he has a dad that fucking loves him.

But there is to go away by, I remember going away just me and Don do Aruba. Wake up and no plans. Fuck. Just, yeah. 69. Fuck. Reverse cow girl. The sailor.

I never did the sailor. The sailor? The sailor? Anchor in, bitch But there really is a thing where you And then after they're gone for a little bit You go, all right, this sucks You give it like two days

Then you go Do you ever do you do you jerk off in front of your dog? No Do you jerk off on your dog? Yes I go My dog My dog I mean she's like attached to me

So she never leaves me alone She will go So now I jerk off And I use Coconut Oil Oh, wow. Very sensual. Dogs love the smell and flavor.

Yeah, they want to eat it. So she's like, is she like. Lewis is getting his dick sucked. Coconut oil, though, is the shit. Coconut oil is the best to jerk off of it? I don't know about coconut oil. Slick. Oh, it is the best. Imagine.

It's better than lotion. Imagine your wife's pussy, if you will. Can I imagine someone else? Imagine it better. That's coconut oil in a hand. Oh, my God. It's so perfect. Perfect viscosity.

When I jerk off with Dekin'clock. doodles is in the bed. As soon as I pull my pants down, she'll go. They get angry, man. And then she leaves. They get angry. I'm pretty sure it's my grandmother. I wish Apple would leave.

That's so funny you say that. One time I jerked off and I was like, I don't know, man. And then I was like, Myrtle, get down on, get off the bed. And then she went to the ground and then I grabbed the lotion and I just hear the feet going out of the room. And I go, well, I'm sorry. I have to do this. But you just hear the little claws going like.

Doodle's nose. Doodles nosey a piece of shit Also my dog will hit me with a sigh That makes me feel bad Where she'll go in her kennel and be like Yeah, that's my dog Apple comes to the top of my pillow While I'm jerking off dude

And she wraps her head Her body around my head That's a piece of L That's her form of BCL She has her face looking at me like this And she has, you know, she's got a fucking And you're just fucking whacking it She's a Cocker Spaniel

So she's got like these big eyes She's like look she's in right here Yeah And you're just whacking it while she's like You gotta be careful man, that might be your thing. You might only come with a cockus band or not shoot her, because sometimes I get my load,

if it's the first load of the day, it'll just hit her into the face. Wait, first load of the day, are you still coming multiple times in a day? Really? Wow. At 44? I have to go every other day. I can't even nut two days in a row. So if you have sex with your... I had three on Saturday because I was in the hotel and I was like,

what am I? Three? I can do two. I did three. I got to the hotel, did one. Back from the show, did one. Middle of the night. It was like, When I go on the road, that's my fucking knee time. You know what I mean? Soon as I get. Do I go now or after?

You know, when you pull the fanned Kleenex out? You go, get out of here. I just take the whole roll of toilet paper and put it in the bed next to me like a phone. Oh, no, I use the medium-sized towel. Yeah, you got to use the towel. No, I agree with that. I'll do that once in a while. At the hotel?

You got it coming a towel. Hold on. That's what the medium-sized towels is for. Yeah. You have a washcloth? You have a towel. Do I have a midget friend? of these tiny towels.

Well, thank you, Dan. I needed to get into the shower. The medium-sized towel is to jerk off with. Oh, my God. You know what's crazy? A jerk off towel. Remember when MacBook used to have that thing on the charger where you could unclip it and you realize that was for the cord?

Yeah. That's what I'm realizing the medium towel is for right now I go. Son of that. You're right. By the way, I will use it sometimes just simply as a napkin. Yeah. Oh, my God. If I get food, last day, last day at the hotel,

it's like I turn into a hoarder like I'm just using the towels as napkin fucking throwing shit on the floor the medium towel though if I get food I would get the full towel and put it over my belly like an operation yeah just

just sit there with the towel the bed sheet and tucks it into his shirt nope that that's the napkin no I used a cum towel and then I forgot I mistook it for the pizza towel and then I just smeared my own tumble of my face I got so fucking hard that's a lie

It's a joke. It's not a lie. One time I took the pizza and I wiped up the... What are you fucking an investigator? What'd you say, Lewis? Joe would like that. No, what'd you say? Forget it.

No, because it sounded like a fucking shit bomb. And I want to hear it. He said it sounded like it really shit your pants back there. Let's do plugs. Let's do plugs. You're taking the silly billy window out of my sales. No. No, the drugs wore off.

You're like a totally different person. I got to get more drugs. Go downstairs. Go downstairs. I will. I'm going to go right now. Let me go first

and then I'll go smoke that. Then I'll come back all fucking silly. Do that. I'll go second and then I'll come down there and take a whack of it. Yeah, you will.

Whose website? Shut the fuck up. No, it has Down syndrome. It's like, hey, I love you. Can I hug you? I just keeps asking if I want to hug. I like that my Asian voice website is up, but you're...

Dan, what do you got? Hey, if you're listening to this... Then I'll come down with you. If you're listening to this, I'm going to be at the Grand Falls Casino that's coming out this week. Larch what I would.

It's technically the last date of the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour. So come on out. We're doing the Grand Falls Casino. I got Greg Stone, Ada McCluskey with me. It's going to be great. Love Greg Stone. And then I'll see it. Netflix is a joke, doing a movie watch-along at the Avalon, May 6th.

We're watching Maiden Manhattan. Netflix is going to be mad. I said this, but I'm doing it with Tim Dillon. We're not supposed to promote it yet, but I'm promoting it to the Regs audience. Tim Dillon and I will be watching Maiden Manhattan at the Aval. on. It's going to be very fun. And then Omaha Funny Bone, May 15th through May 15th and

16th, just run in the hour. And then Newark, New Jersey at the N-PAC, New Jersey Performing Arts Center. I'm going to be there June 5th for one show and then taping the Netflix special. June 13th, it's sold out. So thanks to everybody about tickets for that. But I'll be at New Jersey Performance Arts Center.

June 5th, danceorder.com for tickets. Listen to to soda to the podcast. Thank you very much. Lewis. Lewis, what do you got? Can't see me live on the road next weekend. St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada, Toronto, right after that. Fort Myers, Florida, Springfield, Missouri, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Oklahoma, City, Oklahoma, and more. Go to my website, Lewisfskanks.com. The Rattle Me This Door, Come to a City near you.

Sign up for my mailing list. Check out my book, Knives and Spoon. You can get on Amazon right now. Buy the coffee. Do all that stuff, guys. Great book, too. And subscribe to Gas Digital. You guys should fucking go do that.

If you love the show, you get uncensored and ad-free version of the show. plus the on-demand library, a bunch of episodes that aren't available anywhere else anymore. Use the code regs when you sign up. Netflix Festival. I'll be out there also, May 7th at the Hollywood Improv. And then everybody, Scotland, England, Ireland,

Northern Ireland, let's go. I'm coming to Glasgow, May 17th, London, May 21st, May 22nd, added a second show by popular demand, going to Bristol, Dublin, Belfast. And then I'm doing governors, June 13th through the 12th, and 13th, I guess it looks like. And then Empire Comedy Club in Portland, May, July 2nd, 3rd, back to Tacoma,

July 23rd to the 25th. Empire Comedy Club, is that the same one as in Batavia? I don't think so. This is one in Portland. Have you done the Portland Empire Comedy Club? Oh, you got to do it. Oh, wait. Danny said you did do it. I did do it. Well, anyways, it's fucking awesome. And go to Punch Up. We're on Punch Up. I love Punch Up.

Subscribe to the email list. You got to do it. That's the best way. Fuck, and we email you directly. Hey, we're coming to your town. You'll never miss the show. From us, not from some... I write the email. I write the email too. It's not some bullshit. It's great. All right, go to punchup. dot live slash Robert Kelly

for all my dates. I'm going to be in... When is this coming out? Next week. Next week. All right, so you miss me at Comics Roadhouse. But I will be in Uncle Vinny's April 24th and 25th

in Point Pleasant. Then I'm going to Cleveland to hilarities, the 15th and the 16th. I got one show, the May 21st, at New York Comedy Club in Stanford. And then I'm doing a little New Orleans run at the Holland Wolf. And then Alabama, I'm going to the Crescent Theater for the 22nd and the 23rd. And then I'm going out to Long Island back at Governors. And then I'm doing for this summer, get your tickets now, the third, the fourth, and the fifth at the mothership.

And then I got a bunch of other dates up there. So please go get your tickets now. Go to punchup. Live and sign up and it tells you where I'm going to be near you. You just click the link and you get the tickets right there. It couldn't be simpler. And that's it. And make sure you check out, of course, on Bonfire.

You got YKWD where all this stuff started. And that's it. We'll see. I guess what are we taking a break now, a cookie break? Oh, I'll talk about this. Do it, dude. Let us know. Oh, baby.

This show is sponsored by Quince. What is the Quintz? Dude, what is the quints? Love a Quince. Food is that start with the Lid, Ku. Quince is awesome. My wife's birthday is this week. Well, that last week, if you're listening to this. But I bought... All I said, happy 45th. Everything. She's going to love you, dude. My wife could pass for 35. I swear to God. She is hot as a pistol. Anyways, I bought all the stuff at Quince. I went to

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nicotine is an addictive chemical tripped up a little just a little bit just a little bit fantastic we're not going to fault you for it like some other people do some people that's out of bleed babe I don't want to go in a race here we get back to show. Yo, get back! We're back! Whoa.

Folks, when you start a business, and I've started many, many businesses, you're a business man. Well, they all failed because at the time, I didn't have Shopify. When you start a business, there's a lot of what-ifs, obviously. Shopify is here to help. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses. I know Lewis uses Shopify. He's Mr. Shopify.

He uses it for Body Brain, which is awesome. Jesus. Christ, Danny, take a cough drop. They have easy to use tools to help your businesses grow all in one place. You can customize your brand in the Shopify Design Studio. Reach customers quickly with their marketing tools. Shopify can even help manage inventory and international shipping. It's time to turn those what-ifs into with Shopify today.

Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com slash regs. That's RGZ. Go to Shopify.com slash regs one more time. Dan, tell them how to get there. Shopify.com slash regs with a Z. Hit that, you better hit that sound effect. Utah Get Me Too. What's the fuck that mean?

It's from Utah Get Me Too is from Point Break. It's aligned by Poppice. He says tasted, which is so funny. Oh, that's what he goes, give me two. Yeah. Utah, give me two. And they're in the car watching the bank. It goes two.

It's the most ridiculous scene, too, because he's just reading the news like this. What a fucking interesting actor. Gary Busey? Well, that was before, was that before his brain in? injury or after? I think that was after. Let's go in. Are we in?

Are we back? We're in. We're talking point break. I love talking point break. Did you watch the remake? I did. It was horrible. They shouldn't be allowed to remake movies.

Like white men can't jump when they tried to redoing it with Jack Harlow? You're like, what are you doing? You know how charming Woody Harrelson is? It's so fucking stupid that they remake it and they try, the Blade Runner? I like, uh, there's, there's, oh, Joe, you like. It wasn't a remake, but it was still, just leave the movie. Blade Runner 2045. I would argue against.

You liked that movie? I didn't think it was bad because it was the sequel and I like what they did with the Harrison Ford showing up and stuff. I thought that was cool. Joe liked a Instagram video

that I liked a Vince Vaughn talking to deadline and he was like, yeah, you guys have fucked yourself in the business because you guys aren't taking risks. You're not about risks. You're about the safest thing.

It's too corporate. Everything's about like profit. If you've got to make something now, you're supposed to just got to make it by yourself. They're not even giving you the money to make something. I don't know.

I want to put this on the pocket. Well, they're just saying, Well, yeah, we'll do it, but you pay for it. 100%. That's my Netflix special. It's crazy. That's my Netflix show. Hi. We're back.

I mean, they did go nuts back in the fucking late 90s and early. Oh, the development deals that you guys got? I didn't fucking get you. Really? I know. You were just shooing for one. Buddy, I got in to... If I worked at NBC, I would have given you $250,000 to develop you as a teacher at a special needs school. I got in just as those ended.

I would have done a student at a special needs school. second half Joe list. You have range. Please don't fucking make excuses. Don't do it. Don't kiss him after you punch. Pretend it's a show. I'm the director, obviously.

You know, I'm a director. Go ahead. And Lewis, you're the bully that's going to beat up. But you just blindside him with your fist. Whenever you feel it, this is kind of the way I do it. And Bobby, you have Down syndrome and you're presenting a class today. And I'm the announcer. I'm just the announcer.

And now back to another episode. When the spirit moves and just fucking blast his head. I don't know in the end of the question. That's good. Hello. How are you going to direct this? You're going to hit me? Well, I was hoping you had to play a part

because he's supposed to just fucking nail Bobby. Hey, man, I don't hit people in it. Oh, no, we brought in silly Billy Lewis. Silly Billy. We casted the wrong guy. You look kind of like Chappelle a little bit. Yeah, a little bit. You're high.

Like him pretending to be high, I feel like. Whoa. You do the Chappelle boys and you just mouth it. Yeah. I can't believe I'm talking this fast. What's wrong with me? I'm so fast. I'm talking.

I'm Lewis. You see it? I see it a little with the mustache and the brown. You're like if Chappelle did white face? No, all right. Yeah. Hey, look who's there. Hey.

Hey, it's right there. Hey, buddy. You're my friend. Bombing with the bomb dad orally on. Yeah. Who. I went to West Point this weekend. Shit, sick.

I'll watch your Insta Stories. Buddy. We went some Insta Stories too. Didn't we go to a Vandy game there? We went to Vandy Army. It was an overtime game. It was a great game. I mean, I don't know why they...

Why don't they do like half time at football games with those fucking, you know, gay rappers making out and shit? They had a helicopter dump seven people out in the air and they all parachuted in. Football games still do that where they do the parachute landings? Fuck is crazy. I'll tell you what every halftime show should be and that's just dogs catching frisbies. Because I've never seen, and I will argue with you right now, nothing kills harder in a football stadium than a fucking dog when they bomb 1 30 yards.

And that dog catches that frisbee, whole stadium. Yeah. Brings America together. It does. Dogs and frisbys. You don't need to look anywhere else. But, dude, I looked up and you see these little dots, and then they just start certain.

They're Indians? I'm coming to get your whole family, Bobby. They come into the stadium. You're like, this guy's going to die. And then they just drop. Do you ever watch the fails? And then they pull up. No.

Do you ever watch parachute fails? No. A lot of them. There's a lot of guys that come in and they go, and then they're just like in the crowd coming down. Or they like hit shit. It's great. Like Uncle Jesse in the full house marriage episode.

Yes. They went in Hawaii and the beach boys were there? No, that's a different one. Oh, maybe it is. Maybe you're right. But he lands in a tomato tree. Great show. Great show.

Then he falls into the truck. Yeah. They got to get him. That's the Italian wedding. They arrest him for, break of tomatoes. I can't believe in Becky. We lost Lewis again. He's right here, dude. Who gives the shit

about her, by the way? Lori Laughlin, oh, she paid to get her kids in school. Who gives the fuck? She's hot. I'll eat her out. Out of the 90s? She had paid to get her kid. Yeah, something like that. Who gives this shit? No, they paid extra money. A kids didn't have the grades. So what?

They just put her on like a team and gave her a scholarship for rowing, which was bullshit. She was just a hot chick. And this is news stories for three years ago, with No list. This was already in. This is not evergreen news. I'm sorry, we were talking about Lori Laughlin.

Should we leave out the biggest news story? We were. She's so hot. You wouldn't know a laugh if you fucking fell out of a boat. Okay, you know what? He had so much real estate. He had so much real estate. And went nowhere with it.

Just Parrot failed into that fucking... Parachshod? Parachshod. I do parachute yourself in the face. I parachute my shot. Danny Braff has an update with the Lewis poll. We have Danny Brath for an update. We got Danny live.

Retard on the scene. Danny. We got a retard right on the scene. Danny, what do you got? In the mic. In the mic. Yeah, you fucking dumb. Well, folks, I'll tell you for all those brain cells he misses,

he has the strength to make up for it. He still gets scared of a microphone, Dan. Guy can bend steel. He wants to eat it every time it's in front of him. Like he's from Krypton. Danny? 289 votes for yes, for Lewis to get high on Rogan. And 24 votes for no.

Damn. You got to go silly Billy. You got to go silly Billy, dude. It's what the people want. These fucking people saying no. Vecione. Yeah, he goes, no, eat more vegetables before you go on. Have a good meal of meat and vegetables.

Ryan Hamilton, I wouldn't. He goes, I would read a book. I would read a book about clarity if I did. Very serious for him. Yeah. That is... I can get high. Yeah, do it.

Oh, man. That would be a... I mean, if I did drugs to do drugs on Rogan... Welcome back. I cannot imagine the meltdown I would have. You would think so? Yeah. You might just...

Your brain might open up. What if I actually did drugs on Rogan like I snorted Coke off his head? How do you snook of a head? What? You put it on the head and you... Let's not it fall off to the side? Some of it. Oh, it'll fucking...

Are you kidding me? I have a fucking serving tray on the top of my head. Yeah. Bobby's a shiny, too, so it's almost like a... mirror. Oh my god, yeah. Usually would come up. Just see a razor blade slaces forehead open.

He's bleeding everywhere. Like dusty roads. Yeah. He's got the crow. He's got the crow things later. Dusty roads. You know what? Dusty roads?

I know I do dust it. He goes, just through coke off my head, baby. If you could do coke off a cock, you can do cook off a head. A coke is long and straight. Mine is anyways. You fucking short, thick, homo. You have no.

English on yours at all? What do you mean? Like a little? My cock? No, mine's flat and long and perfectly straight. You have a flat dick. Well, the top is flat. Like a tapeworm?

No, it's like a fucking one of those snap on bracelets. That's great. Slapp racel. Yeah, my dick is straight too. You have a weird dick. I have a straight dick. I have a little bit of like that. That's because your mom didn't fucking straight.

No, my dick goes like this. My dick goes. Yeah. But not like that. It's like, that means you. You have to compensate? when you fucking? No, it's fucking works great.

Really? I fact I get compliments on the little English. I think I'm maybe scratching some inches, you boys are missing. You hit some nuggets on the side. I got a great dick. All right. We isolate that. That is just my body.

Oh, do you guys know about this? My great dick? No, what's it called Clona Willie? Do you know clone of Willie? Yeah, we did that years ago. What? Who did that? Yeah, CEO Lewis.

What are you talking about? We did that. We did that. We did that. I'm looking on my files. We did that years ago. After I suck Bobby Kelly's dildo, we clone my Willie.

And at Skank Fest, remember we had... Obviously, we don't remember. Yeah, he made it purple, so it didn't look like a real cock at you. But it was actually a clone of my dick and we had... And that was the trophy.

Yeah. Somebody has a trophy. And I gave it a Shannon. And I was like, Here, hold it, feel it. What do you think of it? And I stared at it. And I stared at it.

Oh, man. I forgot you did top-level sexual harassment. We don't have any bitches in the studio. Yeah, we do. We have three of them. No, you can't sexually harassing kids. We'll put a bra on Danny and Joe. Danny Joe and Lewis, I know. Danny's got better tits than my sister. Oh.

No. But can I tell you right now, the silence and then you laughing after you said he goes, Danny's got bigger tits than my sister. That breath absolutely saved it for me. Hey, he's got a bigger test of my sister. If you go back and listen, you'll hear that. We've all had some tough ones today. Oh, God.

You know what it is? Back-to-back weeks. And just the ground is not giving. We are landing hard on the ground. The ground is sour. We are landing hard on the ground. It's just like splatting. A lot of splats.

But we're here. We're queer. Get used to it. Luckily, I have therapy right after this so I can go. You going to see Alan? Yeah. Okay. He's mad at me.

Why's he mad at you? Your politics? No. He's fucking no. I can't imagine. No, I've been doing, I haven't made it in. I've been doing the Zoom. Oh, he hates Zoom.

I know. I know. I didn't even do Zoom with him. I did phone call. I did phone call also. I never zoom with them. Zoom feels like, I don't know. I don't need to know.

No, I need to see somebody. I hate phone call. I'm assuming that you're on your belly with your legs kicking up in the air of your bed. I like that, though. That's attention. That's right. You're doing fucking tummy time like Jay?

Yeah. I don't like phone either. I'm too distracted on the phone. I like seeing his face so I know he's not fucking falling asleep. Which happens sometimes. For one time I was playing, I was on a Zoom therapy session, but I was playing Fortnite. That's fucking hilarious. Like my hands.

Why are you even doing the therapy session? The thought of you just going like, yeah, it's pretty crazy. I think she died of cancer when I was like, hold on, sorry. Yeah, she died of cancer when I was like a kid. you're just playing a video game. Everyone can tell that I'm busy when I play video. You play in Fortnite when the earthquake happened is one of the funniest things of all time.

That made me laugh for fucking three days straight. Sarah and I were like on the floor lap. We thought about you and we fucked. That was a totally separate story. I was just streaming Fortnite and then the earthquake happened. Have you not seen it? Can we find this? Can we find anything?

It's so fucking funny. It's just you playing videos. Was it on my social media? Yeah, you posted it. I don't know. probably somewhere. Social media is. I haven't played a video game in 10 years.

You used to play Call a Dude. I used to play fucking nine hours a day. Yeah. I used to play every fucking day. I remember, yeah, I stayed when I stayed at your house, I played your Xbox. Yeah, we played it. I played all night. I would stay up all night until the sun came up play.

I haven't played in 10 years. I don't know. I'm afraid to get back into it. Why? I was always afraid of. I can't get into video games. I'm like, I have a hard enough time working. Red Dead Red Dead Redemption is my favorite.

Wait until Red Dead Red Dead Redemption 2. That shit'll knock your socks off. Dude, I used to just walk around. walk around like I was a real cowboy and not even fight people like try to find like a bear and well red dad redemption too just kick a can and think about the day yeah yeah because I'm gonna throw in some tobacco I would just be alone in the environment like up on the mountains I love this country yeah yeah I gotta go fix a fence yeah if you excuse me there's a barn yeah cowboy that's his life most of the time it's not murdering Indians oh yeah just him going right

Remember Laslo? Remember when I was in? Still talk to Laslo. I do too once in a while. But when he did, when he was down the street, remember he had us down on the roof? I used to go to Rockstar and hang out there when he was there a lot. I used to too. They used to have the, at Rockstar games, they have the arcade machine versions of all their games.

All their games. Were you in the game? No. I got in. That's sick. I was, uh... He put a lot of comics in games. I was the mafia guy taking a shit and you could kill me.

That's fun. Yeah. Bill Burr was a character on G. on GTA. They put a lot of... He used to go on Opie and the Anthony. I was in some shitty video games. Beatrice, when I met her,

was working for a video game publishing company. Sure. And it was, they did, like, computer games. So it's at the end of, like, nobody was doing computer games. Yeah, it's like, the only learning was the only reason for a computer game.

Yeah, but these were, like, they were trying to, like, action games. Sure. It was just like a dying, an absolute dying fucking industry. You gotta use a keyboard? You gotta use semicolon S5? What was that shit, dude?

It was like these weird, like, they weren't even like cool computer games. They were like, I don't know if anybody played computer games. I did. There was, like, shitty computer games. Before the remote control, you had to have the keyboard. Yeah, dude, I used to live with the guy that played Counterstrike. Oh. That shit was fucking wild.

I used to play, oh, wait. She would get me, like, $40, like, per, like, however many pages or whatever. But it would be, like, 200 bucks a pop and I'd just be there for, like, two or three hours. Just doing, like, help, no. I'm a barbarian that needs to rape you. Move over. I'll do this shit for free. I get snacks, too?

I'm former president, Abraham Lincoln. It's really funny. I'm a, I'm a Pellelogram. I can't even say it right. You got Lewis, we can't use you for the math games anymore. Hey, geometry can be fun, and it's not just for fuchs. I'm Mrs. Pac-Man. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nam, num, nam, nam.

It's me, Patrick Algebra. What is this? What is it? Bonnie McFarland, yeah, she was a ranger. But she's not, there's, Bonnie McFarland. That looks like David Thubman. Does not voice it. I know.

She's just a character. I love Lewis's Danny. By the way, that's how Lewis becomes first target when Danny snaps. When Danny comes in, he remembers that. Why do we only pull up things

that we had no interest? It's crazy what you guys pull up first. I thought he found the video of me with the... That's what I thought. We've been waiting. We've been vamping for 10 minutes. He's been looking for it for...

All right, dude. But how does... That AR-15 is going to... I'm not being critical of you guys because obviously I'm your favorite. Danny's on the cameras. Joe's actually editing video and photos and Paco's on the computer.

That's great. That was like when backing bands used to get announced by musicians. We got Danny on the cameras. We got Paco on cookies. Bobby's doing that he's taking a shot at Gastasional on our team because Paco's a gas digital guy. No, they're all gassed.

They get paid by gas. No, they don't get paid by you. You're fucking a mental patient. They don't. It's not a shot at your legacy. So you know they're not paying by Gast Digital. They're paid. Shot at your pharmacy.

Let me say that. There's one guy Picking. Can I say something? Yeah, you can when I'm done. Okay, we're not. They're not paid by gas digital. They're paid by us.

Which is gas digital. No. What are we on? Gas digital pays us. We pay them. Wait a minute. What are we on? You're a more than digital.

Yeah. Do you not get it? Are you fucking you actually don't get it? Ooh. Silly billy's gone. Oh, that burned off. Looks like that sugar coated burned right off. Get them a cookie.

Oh, no. That's all medicine. now. Shut the fuck up. Poco, the only thing is... Don't you understand? For it to be... That was a shot at...

Body Brain, my book, and everything I've ever done. You're trying to kill baby James. This is baby James Logos. That's so fucking funny. It's just Paco's on the fucking computer. But mine is not a criticism. Mine is an appreciation post

for Jamie at the Joe Rogan... This guy has stuff pulled up four seconds in. What an Austin Cucson? It's unbelievable. These guys, this is a video.

Can I say so? Six months ago. That's the real first evidence that Joe's moving to Austin. Can I say something, though? Jamie's pulling up topical shit. We're trying to find a Puerto Rican

in a fucking earthquake. That's a harder. By the way, that does sound like a saying. We're trying to find a street joke. Yeah, we're trying to find a Puerto Rican in a hurricane. What do you call a Puerto Rican in an earthquake?

Maybe he has to bring up UFOs and pyramids. Have you found a fucking? Found it? What about the website? It's hard to find something Instead of a needle in a hay sack. That's like trying to find a Puerto Rican at her. There it is.

What is this? What the fuck is that, dude? Oh, click Joe. That's great. We don't have any audio. That's all right, dude. You fuck, girl. That was funny.

Oh, that we fuck as well. That is pretty funny. Is it joe risk.com? Hold on. It's it joarrest.com? JoeRis. Dot Versel. That's how I define.

It's an app? We're working on it. We're talking. I want that as my ringtone. Every time you get a text, it's Joe doing it. Click it. Every time somebody calls, it's a different. I would have that as my text message noise.

Every time Joe text me, if my phone is already. If you download that as an app for your phone where you can just do that, that's fucking. Seriously. Different for every time. Go download the app. What is it? It's Joe Rest. Versel.

V-E-R-C-E-L. Versel. It's a French designer. Mr. Jacques Vasselle. There is this idea that I have about making an app where Joe List is very racist. He looks like a bird. He looks like an egg. I don't understand him, but he puts...

This man, he does this Asian voice that I can only call offensive. Like, Bree. I want to see Lewis in a fucking earthquake. If I pull up, if I Google, Lewis J. Gomez earthquake, reaction. I bet you it doesn't come up. Did you bury it? Was it a big earthquake on Instagram and I think you're going to have to go through my Instagram.

A lot of thought, pictures of you being in the Here's what you do. Google when the earthquake in New York was. Then scan down to that date. That date on Lewis's Instagram. There's no way we pay the producers that much. I wouldn't do it. I just watched

Danny's eyes turn black with blood. I got it right here. It's on TikTok. No. see right here no it's not you come on that's not you that's not you that's not you

good bit very funny it was a Mexican person was Mexican children a celebrity comedian just texted me who was that Louis

nope everyone gets one guess Bobby's wrong celebrity comedian that likes Joe list I didn't say they like me I said they texted me they might have texted

hey fuck you you fucking dickless homo Mark Maren no but he texted me two days ago Joe do you want to do it's all the way down to you comics come home this year yes i'd love to bobby do you want to do it yeah but i'm from there so am i no you're not you're not you're from fucking mentally no no you're not

you don't even like mentally that doesn't count bean town baby let me hear your boston accent that was california you dipshit no bean town we don't like people like you been down baby we love we love portuguese see no we like dominicans you guys that's in recent years we grew up of portuguese we We grew up in Puerto Rican. Dominicans. Pedro. David Ortiz. Dominicans are heroes.

Bopi. Dominicans are heroes. Who's your guest, Doug? Name all the sports teams. The Bruins. Great. Go ahead. Who else?

The red socks. Great. Who else? Give me another sport. Hardhood. Heidi. Heady. No.

Football. The Boston Browns. Nope. Yeah, right. All the city. All the colors. No chance. Technically the team is.

There go. Those are... Every football team is the Boston. It would be the Boston pale whites with red eyelashes. What? You don't know the football. You know the football team?

The greatest football team ever. The greatest quarterback ever. No, no, no, no, no, no. Because it's not the Boston Patriots. It used to be the Boston Patriots. It was the Boston Patriots. The New England. Bonus points, it's not the Boston Patriots.

It's in New England. Now name all the states that are in the legal. Name the basketball team. All the states that are in Boston? New England. Name the basketball team. You got it. Larry Burr.

You got it. The Boston Celtics. Yeah. I got all of them, you fucking. Something you're not able to do. Celtics. I'm going to shake your hand. That joke is actually from my act.

That's a good joke. When I started, that was my first joke. I was at a Celtics game. A lot of empty seats for the team called the Celtics. Oh. That was in my act, bro. This guy is a fucking genius. That was Tony Hinchcliffe.

Guess who called? I tried. Oh, he already guessed. I said Mark Merrin. It wasn't. One more famous. You said Louis, right? I said Louis. Not Louis. Not Mark Marin.

Famous comedian. Famous. Famous. Think nerd. Shane Gillis. Lewis got it. Wow. What does Shane say? It doesn't matter.

The complete opposite of a nerd. He said, you're the best comic on the regs. And I was like, oh my God, thank you. And he said, I'm serious. I'm very serious. I burped over your lies. Burped over your deceit and your love. Why don't be so hurtful to each other, man?

Yeah, what is this? Because we're actual friends. What is this? 20, I'm 18 years. No, because... That's not what friends do. That's what family does. Because my friend's birthday party, nobody made fun of me one time.

Sure. Here at my family party, everyone's just, oh, you fucking teeth, you fucking face, you fucking hurt these. You know, you're right, Joe. Then I went down to my real friends... Got a lot of problems. Everyone said, we love you. You're great. We like you.

These are all people you pay. Yeah, you don't do that. No, no, you're grading. I'm there. Your personality is grading. I'm there. Yeah. Like cheese.

Yeah. Damn, he called you cheesy. Yeah, dude. Your dicks like cheese. Oh, shit. It's good on a sandwich. Take that. Take that, buddy.

Yeah. I'm not a question. Okay. If you guys repeat a story that's been told on the regs, what would you like us to do? Why, who'd we? What story? Bobby told the show earlier that he told before. I didn't want to call him out of it.

What was it? It was the massage stuff. We talked about massages before? Yeah, well, we've been podcast for 35 years. Well, that's why, if you want me to let it go, that's fine. Apparently you didn't let it go. What are you fucking Vince Lombardi? Well, now I don't want you to let it go so we can have this in the episode.

Yeah, what are you, Vince Lombardi? You fucking asshole? What? Who's Vince Lombie. Where is the earthquake video? Jesus. I mean, he's bringing up. Stats.

He goes, guys, Dan did that voice in episode 12. Should we repeat it? That's a good nickname for Paco. Stats. Can I say this? Paco's Stats. He's got a pencil in his ear. He's got a pencil in his ear.

He's got a stats infection. Paco, why don't you tell us in the middle of it instead of fucking an hour and a half later? Yeah, you let Bobby add new tags and act outs and you didn't say anything. We had to laugh like we'd heard it the first time. Yeah. Come on, dude. I'm sorry. Be consistent.

If you're going to be anything. Yeah. Be consistent. I let it go, though. Just so you know. What's that? Let it go. Hey, oops, sorry, Dan.

I just ripped Dan's headset off. Let go or get dragged. What happened to us? What happened to us? What are you talking about? It's what we do. Hey, let go or get dragged. Great saying.

Think to remember, you know what I mean? Dude, even the worst podcast that we do is better than other podcasts. Some other podcasts. You fucking know that? Yeah. Yeah. This is one of our better ones. We're having fun.

We fucking just turn on the mics and fuck. No rules. No. Andy Schumer in the intro. No, no Lewis, Dan or Joe in the intro. Because you definitely put her in the intro. None of us three were in the intro. But it was in the intro.

By the way, but then he didn't update it. Because he could have put Shane. He could have put other people in the intro. First of all, I updated it. But it's still. And there was ads. And I, all I know, I'll never forget going to Bobby's house for like Max's

second birthday party. And it was also Amy Schumer's birthday. So he like got her a cake too. And we weren't a lot of sit at her table. Let me finish what I'm saying. I don't want to let you finish because you say you're lying. You're lying.

We had a sing happy birthday from the little kids table to Amy fucking sugar. Can I just say something? This is a fucking lie. You're acting like I told you where to sit. I had a party. I put chairs everywhere. You guys with your own self-esteem went and sat over there at the little kids table. You could have sat right next to Colin Quinn and Jim Norton and Amy Schuber.

You sat with. who you wanted to sit with. My friends, Dan. Yeah, that's on you. And my girlfriend at the time, that lived around the corner. That girl that was weird. You could have sat wherever you wanted to sit.

I didn't tell you where to sit. I put chairs out, and your self-esteem sat you over there. Yeah, I went on this one. I ate Ben and Jerry's too fast, got diarrhea, and couldn't tell me. Stavros came.

He sat right next to fucking Keith and everybody. And look where he is now. Bang. Right to the top. Boom. That's on you. And he stole Keith's soul. What am I supposed to do?

If I was a real dick, I would have had two different parties. I would have had a fucking Colin Quinn, Jim Norton, headline a party. I was friends with two different groups. That's what I do. Yeah, that's what I do. And I have a party where everybody, all my friends come. They were swimming in your neighbor's pool? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Remember that? Yeah. Naked. What about when you had the tree stumps that you didn't treat and there's spiders crawling all over us? We're all going to attack by spiders. I mean, I wouldn't put calling there, of course. Bobby just put wet logs out.

We all had spiders biting us. We sat down and were like, does anyone else have about 60 to 70 spiders crawling on this? They cut down the tree. I was like, oh, those make good chairs around the fire pit. We just had termites and I forgot you're supposed to treat them. And they were there for like three years. And once one person noticed it.

We all looked down and were like, oh my God, they're all. Someone was like, I think the tree stump's moving. And we look down and they were just like, tiny spiders off. You can't get rid of those. You guys are sensing trouble nearby. I go, hold, on guys. It's fucking gone.

Then I had lice and herpes after that. Whoa. Yeah. No, that was not my fucking, that was on you. You guys. On YouTube. The whole thing's on YouTube. You too.

I don't like you too. I mean, I had a fucking, those were great parties. Shout out steak tips. Who does that now? Nobody. Lewis. I do.

You used to. I do. You guys don't come, but I do. Well, because you invite. You know what I had in my pool this morning? What? Guess. A dead body.

Yes. A squirrel? An underage girl. An underage boy. Sorry. What'd you have? Raccoon. Ducks.

Ducks? Ducks? Like Tony Soprano? Tony Soprano. Oh, did you go out your road? Yeah. Apple's losing her shit. Oh,

dogs, dude. They touched down and hung out. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they told them the pool for a while. That's great. We'll get ducks in a pool now. What was their favorite movie? Quack to the future?

Still got it. You still got your good stuff. You still throw on you. Lewis. Get off your phone. No, I'm still. All right! Finally.

Finally. Three hours later. That's been impossible. 105 weeks ago. All right. 4. Reacting to a 4.8 mega earthquake in New Jersey

like live on live stream. So you're playing... Two years ago. You're playing fucking video games. I'm playing video games. This is two years ago. This is 2024. No audio.

You guys got to give us audio. I thought you lost it Question, pause it for a second How'd you guys find it? Danny found it scrolling through everything Danny touched the computer and went I found it I found it and I brought it up

His eyes going to like Matrix writing It was the day before my birthday I brought it up I brought it up and it's fine He's like a cog Yeah He went light in the tub His finger turns into a thing

That he can put into the computer How do you guys not have the volume? There's no... I mean, I'm playing it. Everything else works, but your thing doesn't have audio. Oh, there it is. Yeah, it's got volume. Is that an earthquake happening right now?

Oh, it's just very quiet. That's it? I'll play it again. The first face is where it's at. Yo, my whole house shook just now. Just back to it. Yeah. He's just back to the game.

You can hear The headphone going back on It's the funniest part That's just you giving up When the headphone goes back on you go It's fine I don't care If there's another hurt Is it the after shock

That is so fucking funny It says real ass dude And he's not being a real ass dude He's just happening right now I'm so scared I'm so scared Guys someone hold me I'm so scared

The original The initial first second He's talking a 13 year olds they go get on the game pussy i don't care if your house is shaking my mom's coming home in 30 minutes i think that was worth it i do too that's your girlfriend look at the ducks there's one duck i was picturing yellow ducks no these are look they're the same age guys oh that's sweet yeah they probably took a bunch of toxic shits in there a bunch of shit, duck piss?

Yeah, I don't think he's good actually for ducks to be in the pool. That's what I posted it. I was like, look at the ducks. I'm like, Tony's Prado. Blah, blah, blah. And then every asshole and their mother's a duck expert.

Got all these duck doctors in my comments. Hey, fucking, they're like, oh, yeah, do you got to be careful of fucking, you're going to get duck disease or whatever. What's duck disease? I don't know. Fuck it assholes. It's called duck dynasties.

Wow. Duck dynast disease. Is it just going to fuck up? Are they just pissing shit? Yeah, they piss and shit with a fucking wild animal. You think it's pissing? Ducks cute, though. They're cute. Yeah.

Yeah. But you got a saltwater pool, right? Yeah. Yeah, you're fine. Bad because they, because health are bacteria. Echol. Oh, you're going to get Echolai.

Salmonella. Oh, God. You got to clean that. I'm not going to. Constant defecation. Yeah, you got a... Docs are just constantly shit. It's a great hardcore band.

Yes, it is. Hello, hello. We are constant defecation. What a time, right. I know, they're loud, but they pack the place out. We're a death metal band named Cryptosporidium. Yeah.

And you have to say it that slow. Yeah. Crypto's going down to see. Hello to Troy. Is a great death metal band name. Are you just in a loop? Constant defecation.

He's just looking at stuff and things. He looks at it. What else you got, Lewis? What else? Furthermore, is a great name for a band that's like has a female lead singer and the male lead singer, but they do like late 90s hard rock rat metal.

I think we're at the end of the road on this one. Ducks in the pool. It's a good band name. Yeah, Ducks out. Hey, we're ducks in the pool. Show Moore is a good pool name. Dander and Dirt. What about key reason?

Help, what do I do? Ducks in my pool. Responding to birds. That's a good one. That's a Brooklyn band. Health hazard. That clog. Great.

Duck droppings. That sounds like an opening band. You just read every word. Dunder and Dirt's nice. Property Dendor and Dirt is the album. What about ducking your pool? Here's how to keep them out. Dander and Dirt is the first album.

That's the album from responding to birds. Responding to birds. Musical guest, responding to birds. Once again, responding to birds. Oh, dude, Cryptospority was playing the kickoff party at the gang fest.

Yes. I'm full of Ducks is also a good band name. Good luck on Joe Rogan. Yeah, good luck. Yeah, you're going to go high? Good duck. Are you going to go? Will you plug the regs?

Mention the regs. We need it. Oh, that's all I mentioned. If you don't mention the regs, you're out of my best. I'll shoehorn in all three of your names to the podcast at one point.

Okay. Now, let me ask you question. You're going to go high, right? gonna go low we hate your Rogan well we've had a while and it's been a while

since I'll be a while all right plug the regs oh well you know what I didn't plug by Skankfest I guess on the 20th 420

these come this comes out after they're on sale right all access is probably what are you just looking at all Paco

he's buckle back goes over there Buckle Buckle it'll come out on 420 for gas

And Paco, when do you come out? You homo? His father already did. Damn. Bobby's probably gone. Walk off home around Bobby Kelly. What are you doing? I didn't know that did that. You can see Paco when he talks to you. It looks like he's in an Asian prison.

Yeah. Paco, you ready to come out of the hole? He's doing confession. Paco needs us to contact the American consulate. Wow, we're going to wrap this up. No, we can keep going, dude. We're hemorrhaging. We're just fucking floating to the shore. good, dude. I don't have therapy for a little. Slowly bumping

into it. It's a fun show. Why don't we even put time limits on the show? Why don't we have fun? You always say that. We have fucking lives. We have to go. We have one life. One life to live. I was a clock counter for one week and all of a sudden. No, you're the man

lately, dude. You don't give a fuck, dude. Dan Soder is a fucking man to the people. He has no obligations. He has a dog named Mertle. That's a great name. I have a beach name Mertle. Life's a beach. Yeah. And my dog's a beach. I'm married to a beach.

She's married to a beached whale. He's fucking ripped, doggy. He's ripped. He's ripped. He's ripped his pants. He's the fattest one on the show now. He's always dressed in black like a rapper. Bobby and Jay,

they've been doing this lately. They're like, you're fat of me. They're both fat old men who have to fucking have to have intervention surgeries in order to not die of their fucking fatness. I got a little out of shit. shape. When he gets comfortable with a little soggy.

A little soggy later on some milk for a little bit. All of a sudden, I'm a problem. I'll be shredded in a month and a half. You're going to be a 50-year-old fucking fat guy with a rubber band around your belly. And Big Jets to inject fucking fat guy juice into his fucking asshole because he can't control the way he eats. Fuck you both.

Fat guy juice. Bobby's come. Lewis is fat and he gets mad at it. Just be you. You're one of the boys. You're a chubby little fucking. Damn, they really are calling for you. I'm in Lewis.

He goes, come with us. I'm going to eat kale. Lewis. You know what's funny? I'm in between fights. The best part of you being fat occasionally is we're making a three-hour movie about you in your life

and it's the fattest you've ever been is what we shot it. Holy opposite down. That's why I have to be shredded when I present the movie at Skankfest. When you're all shredded, you're going to look sick. So everyone's going to be like, Lewis diet, This has got the definitive depiction of your life and you're a fucking moose in it.

I'm dressed as Papa Shango. I'm eating. I'm holding all bones. All right. That sucked. That sock. Can we do it again? Lewis, you're on your phone

so much in the podcast. It's crazy. Disrespectful. It's a little disrespecial. It's a little dishing. That sounds like the beginning of the Lion King song. Awee ma way. Oimmy.

In the jungle Hey, I have a question. Is Ace Ventura what made that the sexual song, or was it sexual before that? You know how like that's what you use now? It's like a sexual thing? Is that from Ace Ventura? They were having sex with the animals? Yeah.

Yeah, he's like, I'm sorry. Something got into me. I think it was him. Yeah, it had to be him because the other one was a little kid's movie. Hot Courtney Cox. Not hot anymore. She was so hot. She was.

Bruce Springsteen, Con, video. She looks like a boy. I like boys. Is Ventura is peak Courtney Cox. Agreed. Never was into Courtney Cox. Why? So you can beat him? Fatty.

What do you feed your dog? He's depressed. He's miserable. He's miserable. That's it. Saddle bags. They were just auctioning off the rhinoceros from Austin Powers too. Or for Ace Ventura too. Which is, I will say this.

I'm not going to lie, probably the hardest I've ever laughed at a movie in the theater. Oh, yeah. But I was 10 years old. But at 12 years old, watching him come out of the rhinocerosis's ass in the theater, I mean, nothing made me. It's a hippopotamus. Hypoponimus. Is it right?

It was rhinoceros. Nothing made me laugh harder. But you were older than 12. In the world. First one came out, you were 12. I came out in 1995. First one came out in 94. The second one came out, I don't know when.

Very quickly. 95, 96. So, yeah, I was 12. 13, 14. Fine, Joe. Yeah, no problem. I was 26. And I was at a, I was at a,

I was at a crossroads. What do you want for me, Joe? 95. I was 12. 13. I'm sorry, I was a year older than you said I was. That's great. He said you were.

Except his apology. Then you said you were. He did say sorry. Yeah. That's good. Come a long way. But man, I haven't laughed that hard at anything ever. Hold on.

I'm putting more money in my meter because I want to keep going. I will see you guys next week. No. Yeah, it was fun. Two weeks. That is the funniest way to finish it. We'll see you guys next week. We're going to do the guys.

On the regs. The regs. Bye. Bye.