Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Spaghetti Joe | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #40
Episode Date: July 3, 2025Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder discuss Joe’s kid body, beef stew, what the guys can cook, origin of Blue Jay Oakerson, how they’d split the lottery, best frozen dinners, tast...e of whale, how Joe and Sarah eat, Luis’ special and fishing, which producer hates them most, and more! Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz/id1700969607 SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/ https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/https://twitter.com/luisjgomez Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/ SPONSORS BodyBrain Coffee Use code REGZ25 to get 25% off in June Cornbread Hemp Get 30% off your first order w/ code "REGZ" MANDO Get 40% off your starter pack with code “REGZ” Ridge Get up to 40% off with code REGZ Small Batch CigarUse code REGZ10 for 10% off plus 5% rewards Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.
I'm in. I'm in. I'm fucking. Is it called fuck the poor chick? Dude, it's escape. Look at Paco with his shirt off. Paco, come here. It's escape from Titanic.
Paco, come here. Why do you have your shirt off?
Come here. It's really hot.
Come stand over here. Come stand over here, Paco.
This is nonsense. A T-shirt off makes you cooler?
Look at him. Yeah, what? Yeah, Paco, This is nonsense. A t-shirt off makes you cooler? Look at him.
Yeah what?
Paco your body stinks.
Paco.
What happened to you dude?
You were jacked for the fight.
You look like an unfinished drawing.
Squat and smoke a cigarette.
You squat there like your ancestors.
What is the temperature difference with a t-shirt on to a t-shirt off inside at work?
Well if it's already kind of, if you're pouring sweat and you're sitting in here. What are we scientists? What is this? Yeah, I don't like this. But you're a professional.
You're working. I don't like this take at all. What is this? Taking your shirt off? Yeah, you cool off.
You cool off. What are you? What kind of weird culture are you in that you can't take your shirt off?
Yeah, he's here for sex appeal. He went to get you pretty sure, and I appreciate it. Hot coffee, hot cookies. Can I just realize he had tits.
That's why we want him around.
So he gets you coffee and cookies and that's working?
Yeah, that's work.
He worked hard.
We like to keep young.
Why does Joe get cookies?
Every week.
And by the way, we just got billed for it.
Did you see this shit?
It's been billed.
What?
Have you heard about this?
$800 bill Paco sent for coffee and cookies
for months and months and months.
He let it all pile up.
Who's being billed?
Are you billing Gas Digital for that?
That's insane.
Do you think Gas Digital's paying for our cookies
and fucking coffee bill for a month?
I mean, I'm gonna start having three coffees a nap.
Me too.
I want some cookies.
Better get ready for me, baby.
I'm gonna be drinking a lot of coffee.
Well, you know what?
Oshkwanda.
Oshkwanda.
Oshkwanda.
And you went to a whole cookie place.
What kind of cookies?
What kind of cookies?
No, I wish I could have a cookie.
I'm not eating any sugar.
I'm doing carnivore until my special.
Nice.
I've just eaten meat.
We're doing the podcast, right?
Are you doing that?
Yeah, we're in the podcast.
We already announced everything.
You didn't do anything.
I did.
Now we cut you off because we had a big cookie.
Ew, there's a bug on my hand.
Nice, dude.
Oh, I really got it in my mouth.
Ew.
Luce de Gomez, Joe List, Dan Soda, and me.
The bookie tie.
Robert Kelly, we're back.
It's a summertime fun time, hot regs.
I thought of a nickname.
We're all getting new nicknames.
Joe the Cookie Man.
No.
That sucks.
Stupid.
Cookie Man.
You're dumb.
Why not?
That sucks.
Ooh, you're Cookie Monster, I wanna be Elmo.
I didn't say Elmo.
I'm Grover.
You're Miss Piggy.
I'm Grover.
You're Miss Piggy. You're Miss Piggy. You're a fat pig.
I like how fat you are.
You're going to be fat for your special.
I'm going to shoot you only from the side.
No.
Do it.
Just go under and shoot from the side.
It's all from the bottom and the side.
Bobby's going to be like, it's a front row cam.
It's hot dude.
It's hot.
We're going to show you how to vulnerable state dude.
Are you changing the background?
Yeah. Are you going to make it spook? We already talked about this. a vulnerable state, dude. Are you changing the background? Yeah.
Are you gonna make it spooky?
We talked about this.
We already talked about it.
Okay, well I forgot.
Fuck's wrong with you?
Maybe I need some more body-brain coffee.
Maybe we should do this once a week so you don't forget.
No, no, no, once a month.
Once a month, make them want it.
We do a series, 12 episodes.
We have a series, we have the-
What if instead of doing a podcast,
we start writing sketches?
What?
That idea's a good idea.
Summer is sketch! That's a great sketch. That's a great idea.
That's a great idea.
I love that idea.
I'm an idea guy all day.
Wow.
That's the best idea you ever had.
That is without question the best idea you have had.
I like your box of cookies on your lap,
like a mafia boss with a cat.
Fucking cookie monster, Jules.
Gaston's just not paying for six months of coffee.
I BYOB, so suck my dick.
Well, who's paying for it?
I'm not paying for it.
Well, you should pay for them.
Well, it comes in the fucking...
I bring my own.
I pay for my own.
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
What?
We have a business here.
We signed over the YouTube to Gas Digital to monetize it, so that money that comes in
goes to Gas Digital.
No, we get paid that money.
We don't get the YouTube money.
Are you fucking retarded?
I thought you said you were taking 10%. that comes in goes to Gas Digital. No, we get paid that money. We don't get the YouTube money.
Are you fucking retarded?
I thought you said you were taking 10%.
Well, first of all, number one.
Whoa, what was that pause?
Well, should we be discussing actual numbers on the podcast?
Was that a real number? I just made that up.
I'm sorry, is that a real number?
That sounded so real.
Is that real?
I honestly was like, damn, we're doing negotiations
right here, right now.
That's for BBC. It's nothing to do with gas digital this is me. Alright let me ask
you a question. Who's gonna pay for the coffee and cookies? Individually? We all pay, we all split it.
I am not here for Joe's cookie fucking addiction. This is crazy Joe you should be paying
more money than all of us. I'll put in more. I bring every day. I bring my own
Dunkin Donuts with his birthday party every fucking episode
Why are we arguing like I said, I'm not Joe you did stop going at us stop
You haven't even offered anybody a fucking cookie I
Put in the text get one for everybody. You still didn't offer anybody and they you're eating them all to your own
I offer one to Lewis and I said no. No, I don't want a cookie. I'm trying to lose weight for Lewis is special
I want to look good directly
No, I don't want a cookie. I'm trying to lose weight for Lewis's special. I'm gonna look good directing it Oh
Those are nice. I'm okay. Thank you though. Yeah, I appreciate that. We're adults. We don't eat cookies every day
It is a boy thing, isn't it? It's a little boy thing to do
Yeah, you eat he does have it. Can I say this though? You have your your taste buds are of a child six-year-old boy
Yeah, you also dress like a boy. You dress like a young cute boy
You look like you got kidnapped
and then you just showed back up.
You were only in the stuff that they took you
off the playground in.
Joe looks like the computer generated image
of what he would look like.
This is what my Nathan would have looked like.
He went missing in 1988.
You're wearing a Cheech and Chong cartoon shirt.
Shout out dude.
Roll and blaze him if you got him.
Yeah bro.
My Nathan looks like a man now.
Why can't you just take a hit?
It's 114.
You look like a young boy.
You're wearing short shorts.
Joe's at the front door of the house going, it's me, mom.
It's me.
And they go, you don't do this, we buried him.
We buried him.
You're wearing tight jeans, it's 101 degrees, literally.
Yeah, Louis wants to show off that python in his pants.
What's he supposed to wear?
Shorts.
Why?
Only recently have I gone anti-short in public.
I feel gay.
Wearing shorts?
Yeah, if you have good calves, you have good legs,
I don't have good legs.
Yeah, you don't.
I have very sickly looking legs. Yeah, your leg goes from, it's the same size I don't have good legs. Yeah, you don't. I have very sickly looking legs.
Yeah, your leg goes from, it's the same size
at the top to the bottom.
Yes, that's correct.
Yeah, like your arms.
Your arms are the same size.
And I'm not saying this as an insult.
No, you are, but it's okay.
I am not, I'm telling you that's a fact.
Sorry, to being a lumpy fat piece of shit.
Wow. I'm gonna push you back.
Did you call me a lumpy?
No, not at all.
Lumpy is probably the worst fat thing
you can ever call somebody. I'd rather be called a tub of shit than lumpy. You lumpy? No, not at all. Lumpy is probably the worst fat thing you can ever call somebody.
I'd rather be called the tub of shit than lumpy.
You lumpy fuck.
Oh my God.
That means I gotta have, there's pieces of me that are there.
You called my neck lumpy when he was selling those stupid ridge wallets.
He calls that me fucking lumpy.
I called it a hunk of shit.
You're a hunk of shit.
Guys, guys, guys.
This episode I'm wearing a suit.
The Mark Maron episode I'm wearing a suit.
Is Mark Maron?
I blew it.
Oh. You blew it it who'd you blow
mark marron he blew our first guest what did you do he wants to be on and why
you were supposed to get him on this episode no he's not in town till the end
of July okay this will be huge okay you know we do I think though I think we do
an hour and 15 just us and then like 40 with then we bring him why why not the
whole show with him because he might dude two hours might be too much.
Yeah, he also might not take, it's like a skin-grind.
You're gonna say the N-word in the first five minutes
and he's gonna get up and leave.
And he's gonna go, that dude's cool as shit.
I wanna do a five hour, what the fuck with this guy.
N-word right to my face, who's this guy?
What if I get him to say the N-word,
how fun would that be?
If marriage is cool.
He's ending the podcast, so he might as well.
Now does anybody know why he's ending the podcast?
He just doesn't wanna do it anymore.
He does it twice, he does a lot of research.
He does it twice a week, and he watches all the stuff.
It's not like, no rules, what the fuck,
like he comes in and reads all the stuff.
Well, take the shot at Bobby for it.
I mean, that was- A shot?
I like your show better than his show.
Whoa!
Could that send it to him?
He looks like he's not coming on.
I'm just saying, there's research.
We have no rules, no topics, and it's stillouis-frod-topics to the show.
Oh, I'm sorry, is that out of line?
Are we doing research for the show?
No direction, by the way, if you just say it in a different voice, if you just say that
in a different voice, it sounds like you're talking about what's wrong with the show.
There's no rules, no topics, no direction.
Just do a different read about that?
Buddy, it's a comic hang.
This is what we do.
I wish you'd comic hang yourself.
Whoa! That was good. You've had two good ones. That was a good one. I wish you'd comic hang yourself. Whoa.
That was good.
That was good.
You've had two good ones.
That was a good one.
That was really good.
That's an Oshkowanza.
This is coffee.
Uh-oh, he's taking the mic out.
He's getting confident.
Oh, let me show you the way that Louis J. Gomez eats pussy.
He can't get it back in because he's stupid.
Sorry, that was mean.
It was too mean.
Wow. All right guys, that was a good episode.
See you guys later.
We should just do one episode that's three minutes.
Up, down, just all ads, five ads.
And then they stop and they go, what the fuck?
That was it?
Yeah.
Can you hear the air conditioner on my microphone?
No.
No, no, no.
These are-
That's a Shure 58, dude.
That's the most professional microphone in the business.
It's literally not.
No shit.
Fuckin' idiot.
It's a hundred dollar microphone.
I know.
I just got a rule to have a pool in this kind of weather.
Oh yeah, I'm going home right after this and jumping.
You wanna come?
No.
Doesn't rule that much.
You sure you don't wanna come?
We'll fucking suck you off right now.
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck. Oh, fuck.
James is having a pool party tomorrow, last day of school.
Woo!
Is it girls invited?
Yeah.
There could be two girls, like four boys.
The future town whores are going to be there.
Oh, my god.
Max didn't get an invite to that.
That's weird.
He lives in fucking upstate New York.
You still invite.
Tell him the story.
But Colin, you invite him. I love Maxcom. Remember? You've got to get the invite. You still invite. Tell him the story, but call in and you invite him.
I would love Max to come, remember?
You gotta get the invite, that's all.
Yeah.
Is Max's last day of school tomorrow?
He's, no, he's in school, but he's only in school
until 10.30.
Oh, it's a half day?
Half days.
Yeah.
So funny that 10.30 a.m. is a half day.
James gets out at 12.45 tomorrow.
And then he's done.
School's out for summer.
School's out for summer. School's out for summer.
Schools out!
I'm playing that song over and over again on repeat.
Kids don't like that song.
Alex Cooper?
They're like, turn this off.
You're like, oh, sorry, it's not drill rap.
Yeah, do you guys know about 6'7"?
At 8'9"?
No, you don't know?
Yeah, Nate humor, I like it.
I'll be starting my amusement park, it's called Denny's.
That sucked.
Denny's?
It's just a Denny's.
Nate opens a theme park I own at Denny's.
Oh, did you hear this rumor?
I don't know if it's true, but it's a rumor.
So say it out loud into a microphone.
Six Flags Great Adventure is closing after this season.
They are closing.
I heard this rumor.
I swear to God, the Acidic Jews bought it.
They're opening up a Acidic Jew amusement park. That's not true. That is not. But I felt like this. This should
be the theme of the show. We say, is it true or not? Yeah. All right. Closing down. That's
what I read. But then I also read that it's just a rumor. Did you read it or did somebody
read it to you permanently at the end of the 2025? No, this is the one in Bowie Maryland.
Yeah. But we'll look at, look at Great Adventure, there's different Six Flags.
Six Flags is losing its ass?
Nobody's going, dude.
But why not?
It's so fun, dude.
Six Flags is the best.
It was so fun.
Remember we took that edible with Ari
and then we went on that fucking swing?
And then when we were up there, it was like,
and it dropped and it scared us all.
Do you remember that?
No.
It was very scary.
Let me ask you a question.
Do you go, when you go to carnivals,
do you ever go to carnivals?
You guys, you have a kid, we go to carnivals, right?
Do you go on the crazy rides?
I don't like rides that spin.
Carnivals just have rides that spin.
The scrambler.
Plus the people running it don't seem like
they really take care of the ride.
They're on methamphetamines.
And they actually put the ride together that day,
which bugs me, where it's like,
if you can put something together that day,
like a couple of lug nuts and shit,
it seems like very dangerous.
Well, I read that book, Things Pussy Say.
Whoa!
Woo!
Woo!
Don't put a cookie in them,
or this motherfucker's gonna come for ya.
Y'all going to Old Orchard Beach,
you guys been to Old Orchard Beach?
I apparently read the other book, Things Fag Say.
Same joke, same say. Same joke.
Same joke.
Same joke, just with the word fa**.
Just by the author.
You must know Old Orchard Beach.
Oob, up in Maine.
I don't fuck with Old Orchard Beach.
That's a white alcoholic place.
It is.
Bring it up.
That's what we are.
Is there a corner there?
Old Orchard Beach is awesome.
No, it's an amusement park,
but I think it's like they put up in the summer
There's guys from Boston like me and then there's guys from Boston like Joe. What are you talking about? Well, I go to Hampton Beach
Fat and gay? What are we talking about?
Both white trash places
Same place
You're like the Newton people you like Louie. First of all, that's I don't even know where to begin
I know you're fucking around but then people believe this shit what people from
people listening who cares I'm white we all care what they think
Bobby knew that's why I do is care about what these people I go nightly to a
place and go please like this. You should care what these people think for once. I don't care.
Oh my God, have you not been trying this all the time?
Why would you care that they thought you were such a...
Cause he's a fucking...
What are you talking about?
You just corrected him that you're the one responsible for him liking cigars.
What?
Cause you didn't want to have half credit.
What?
You wanted full credit for his cigar enjoyment.
I have a half credit, that's why I get on stage. That's fine. Why are you trashing yourself? You got good ones
on yourself. You're hot today buddy. You really are. Not physically, but comedically. I disagree
with that last part. I think you look hot today. Hampton Beach and Old Orchard Beach,
they're sisters. Two different people. Old Orchard Beach has ride. Two different people. Come on, they're trashier.
So tell me who goes to Hampton.
But you're implying that I'm rich and cool.
Old Orchard Beach is trashier than Hampton Beach.
Now, Old Orchard Beach is the fucking clam chowder
eating fucking Boston people.
You're on the outskirts.
What are you, Mark Wahlberg?
You're thinking Newberry Port.
Exactly, that's where we go.
You gonna Mark Wahlberg's house?
Yeah, this summer I'm going. Let's let Let's let Lewis. They're not from the region.
I love some old. We'll come up with some sort of it, even though, by the way, I don't like this bit angle. Like this is not like any
really point guard from this angle. I like a lot of things. No, you always, you always love my body break.
Bobby dot com. You always go now. No, no, no, this sucks. Imagine I let you guys just fucking run fucking wild.
Stay prayed up, son.
God bless America and God bless God.
God bless God.
God bless God.
Who's on the Google machine?
I don't know, no one.
I'm waiting for some old Orchard Beach.
Palace Playland is it?
Is that it?
It's not Palace Playland.
Ride Playland is where I grew up.
Ride Playland, that's probably you.
That's the worst.
Yeah, it is. It's the worst. I saw somebody cooking on a barbecue. That's probably you. That's the worst. Yeah, it is.
It's the worst.
I saw somebody cooking on a barbecue.
There's a hoof sticking out of the barbecue where he goes.
I don't go there anymore.
I went there when I was a kid.
Dragon coaster.
A hoof.
A hoof.
A hoof.
I don't know how you, huh.
Bobbie Pym's an old Jewish guy.
A hoof.
I had to have a hoof.
And I say, no, thank you.
Get that away from me.
Was this the nice one?
Hampton Beach is where you go? No, that's Hamptonpton be Hampton Beach is kind of you know revere Medford
Everett he goes to where the the other people go now Hampton Beach has a venue casino ballroom
Nobody's performing at old orchard Beach. Oh, we did Hampton Beach
We did a live we did a live skanks at Hampton Beach. That was fun. And it was nice, right? It was hot trash. Classy.
Trash, that's what Hampton Beach is for.
I'm saying they're both trash.
No, yours is a little more upscale.
You're out of your fucking mind.
You guys are upscale.
You wear like Vineyard Vine and shit like that.
Hampton Beach is like fuckin' Judas Priest shirts
and just scumbags.
I'm gonna make a video at Old Orchard Beach.
You're gonna be appalled by this angle that he's doing.
So you're saying, he's like, Get that, at old Orchard Beach. You're gonna be appalled by this angle that he's doing
It's different kinds of garbage dude, what all garb Billy
It's worse than that. It's worse than Myrtle Beach because Myrtle Beach is hot trash Myrtle Beach is bad
Yeah, but I had fun I mean James did a father-son trip to Myrtle Beach a few years ago. Just me and him just look at babes, dude
Yeah, looking at babes and we went and we pet baby tigers.
You guys went did sunglass down father-son trip? We pet baby tigers at
Tiger King, not Tiger King, one of the Tiger Kings. The one that has all the wives?
Oh yeah, the John. Dan's glasses bit failed. We might need two bomb Danas. No no no
I didn't bomb. That bombed. No flat need two bombed Anna's. No, no, no, it didn't bomb.
That bombed.
It bombed.
No, flat tires.
He got it out clean.
Yeah, I got it out clean.
Stunk.
Tires were on the car.
Car just didn't roll.
Nobody even realized he was going for a bit.
Yeah, I liked it.
Thank you very much.
I was just trying to start something.
It was a prop.
He had to reach for something.
Guys, guys, guys.
We have another ad?
Doc Antle, yeah, yeah, Doc Antle.
That was the guy with the flavor saver.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I went to his, dude.
It was awesome.
It was so cool.
Just tigers?
Lions, tigers, bears.
Oh my.
You guys are no good.
There was no bears.
I'm juggling.
There was tigers, there was lions, lions.
Lions?
Lions.
Not a lion.
A lion.
You can't call a lion.
It's a liger.
A liger. You fucking idiot. And a t and a tiger a lion a tie on a tie on
Joe if you get out of the way of the AC you thin twink
Nice hunch Joe off your phone Joe
Good we have what are you doing? We're good. What are you Googling? Be present.
What do you want to Google?
Paco's right there.
Which is more white trash?
Sure, Hampton Beach is trashy.
So Joe, why don't we just have a conversation about it instead of you getting a definitive
answer and stopping all the fun.
Joe, Joe, I'm just joking.
Why don't you joke around?
Well, I was being very, very serious when I Googled which town is more white trash.
I was being fucking dead serious.
Who do you want in a fight? Between what?
Hampton Beach versus old Orchard Beach?
Hampton Beach.
Bobby and Joe?
No, beaches.
Who was in a fight?
No, Joe, probably got long legs.
He might lock me up.
I got reach?
Well, what kind of fight?
Are we boxing or are we MMA?
I'm saying you go to the, it's not a YouTube.
You go to Orchard Beach, right?
You get everyone there, you go,
hey everybody, we're gonna go find Hampton Beach. And you get Hampton Beach, you go, hey everybody, we're gonna go find Orchard Beach, right you get everyone that there you go We're gonna go find Hampton Beach and you get Hampton Beach you go
Hey, everybody, we're gonna go find Orchard Beach and then they clash like fucking to try if we really started this and they fought
Yeah, sick who would win? I think they're very similar. I think they're equal
The issue I'm having is Bobby trying to act like old Orchard Beach is nice
And it does speak to what a piece of filthy garbage trash
is nice. And it does speak to what a piece of filthy garbage trash you are. I have no problem with that. I fully own me being white trash Hampton Beach.
And so do I! You're not! You're fucking rich!
You're casting a dispersion that I'm wealthy and from Newton.
You're not rich, but you're...
Now I am. That's true.
You think you're better... No people that I think I'm worse
Two parents You got two parents, both with money. Bobby grew up in fucking Rhode Island. Yeah.
Fucking Rhode Island.
Yeah you did.
From Newport.
Rhode Island.
Newport, right where it smells sweet.
Bobby's really good at tennis.
Bobby usually-
Stop right there.
I am.
Are you?
No.
What?
And how'd you get good at tennis?
From playing in the grass clubs.
No.
Juvenile Hall.
They didn't have basketball.
Oh, I went to juvenile hall.
What kind of white collar juvie hall did you go to?
It was a good one.
It was in it was an old Orchard Beach.
Give me some cookies.
You want more cookies? More cookies.
How is it even possible?
You ate all the fucking bit.
What are you guys, the fans? I'm joking.
All right. Let's take a quick moment
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I'm excited.
It's Bobby.
You look like a cigar.
Bobby, is there cornbread hemp
sucking your throat?
What's going on right now?
Ahem.
Ahem.
Just correcting you.
What?
I made you a cigar.
Well, both of you guys.
I.
And by the way, you did give me nice cigars.
I did.
So I take pictures of them with Chatchie BT
and I tell them to rank the cigars.
I was like, are these horseshit?
And they were like, no, these are good cigars.
You're gonna get your mind fried by Chatchie BT.
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I have the travel ones in my backpack.
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I always have them on the road.
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And now we're back to the gigs.
Aww.
Why don't you grow up?
I am growing up. I got a son.
Taste bud wise. You're not gonna have your kid eat like you, right?
His dad's gonna go,
his son's gonna be like, dad, it's tomatoes.
It's not a big deal.
Yeah, you're not gonna, you fight about,
your wife is right.
She feeds him vegetables and then I give him, we balance.
I don't want him thinking he's better than us
eating fucking vegetables.
So when I'm there-
What do you eat for dinner?
Like what's your typical dinner looking like?
Dino nuggets,
chicken,
noodles, and apple sauce. Dunkaroos. With his special sauce. What do you mean for dinner like what's your typical dinner looking like and dino nuggets chicken?
With his special sauce and then new dews
Just cook new dews and butter
I have chicken parm in term. Ah Joe every night every night you have Nights how many rigatoni bolognese real Ginza how many nights a week you eat chicken pump
Do you wear slacks in a wife Peter while Sarah just makes chicken parmm yeah no she doesn't cook she cooks I get to do you have wait here's do you eat the pasta with it or
just the chicken palm I eat half the chicken and half the pasta so you have
pasta you save for another day so you get to have it twice yeah you eat like
you're getting babysat I'm I got left'm like, they left me alone. That's fucking wild.
And then I'll have, you know, Chipotle for lunch.
Do you have a steak?
Sarah doesn't cook for you?
Ever?
Oh, I get steak.
Do you have like a?
We went out to Del Frisco's yesterday.
Me, Sarah, Louie, and Karen.
We had a beautiful steak dinner.
And then he bought.
It was wonderful.
Then he pulled his dick out at the end
and fucking started jacking off.
No, it was in the middle Did Sarah never cook for you she cooks but she cooks like some kind of girly Oh
chicken with fees and
Carrot with vegetables and layers to it. He just also named two other ingredients and chicken parmesan
He's like this chicken cheese. I just don't like it
Yeah, so you never have like she cooks every night like a broccoli Rob with it or like maybe some green beans,
every green beans, mashed potatoes, green beans and like a meatloaf. No, getting all
three there. What about like a stew? You ever have a stew? Oh, like a beef stew. Oh, Don
makes a good beef with some celery. And yeah, she does. I love Don's beef stew. Yeah, dude,
I swear to God fucking I said, I love her from the bottom up. So what did I say? I love Dawn's beef stew. Yeah, dude, I swear to God. What? Fucking. I said I love her beef stew.
I will kill you from the bottom up.
That's the way you said it.
What did I say?
You know how you said it.
You know I love her beef stew right out of my mouth.
Stop saying that.
Stop saying that.
Ah.
Sounds like something you write on a bathroom wall.
I love Dawn's beef stew.
No, you just kind of delicately pull her panties
off the meat of her beef stew.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Ashwagandha too far.
Sometimes you have it from behind. Ashwagandha's too far. Sometimes you have it from behind.
Ashwagandha, I barely knew her.
Fuck that.
I loved it, but fuck that.
So you never have something different?
Does she have a chicken soup?
No, I have some, I have pizza.
Does she have to fly in the bites?
Shhh.
I'll have it.
Joe goes, that one is that a Cessna?
Yeah, I'll take that. You know what I get a lot? McDonald's. And then the pilot on the flight's going, That one is that a Cessna?
You know what I get a lot?
The pilot on the flight is going, I can't land it!
It's too small!
I'm going to fucking crash!
Turn it upside down!
It's a girl pilot!
Every flight of that is going, bop bop bop bop bop!
Down out, down out, down out!
And then McDonald's, I'll have some McDonald's.
You're a child.
I love McDonald's. You eat like a child. How many times a week do you have McDonald's, I'll have some McDonald's. You're a child. I love McDonald's. You eat like a child.
And then...
How many times a week do you have McDonald's?
Two, three.
A week?
That's nuts.
You're 43 years old.
A week?
That's insane.
As a father, you should have McDonald's.
Once a month.
Once every three months.
Twice a year.
At the most.
If you're on the road and you need it.
I've had McDonald's in maybe years.
Oh, good for you. I went to McDonald's. Well, look at Dan getting some. Dan, that wasn't a commentary on you get it. I've had McDonald's in maybe years. Oh, good for you.
Dan, was it a commentary on you, Dan?
Because I had it on Friday.
I went to McDonald's last Thursday, and I didn't even get it.
Max got it, I don't even get it.
It hurts my stomach.
Gotta keep that plastics, those are good for the microplastic.
Oh, your little tummy hurts from eating McDonald's?
Yes.
Oh, I have a belly ache.
Cut you Joe being pissed there out of the Happy Meal toy.
Had a burger.
What the fuck?
If I was going to order a burger,
I'm going to get a good burger.
Yeah.
I do that sometimes too.
McDonald's is fast.
It's so fast.
And if you're by a highway, very good.
Yeah, because it's garbage.
I mean, honestly, by the time you get to McDonald's,
order, it's the same shit.
Just go to a regular burger place.
What do you order at McDonald's?
What is your order?
Double Quarter Pounder, only cheese, only ketchup,
and a large fry. Double Quarter Pounder. Double Quarter Pounder, only cheese, only ketchup, and a large fry.
Double Quarter Pounder with cheese is great.
Tell them to add some Mac sauce on that bitch.
Woo!
What are you doing? You trying to get my dick hard?
Mac sauce on your double...
Max's sauce?
Can you not... James comes in Don's mouth.
What? Wait a minute.
James loves Don's beef.
Don just got popped for pedophilia.
If I ever come up and see fucking James
just railing Dawn one day.
Hey Mr. K, hey, hey.
No, but I have smoothies.
I thought I'd try vagina.
I like that it squeaks.
Yeah, it's big enough for my penis.
I have smoothies and salads and stuff.
Yeah.
Well the thing about-
How often do you have salads?
Usually once a day.
The thing that's hard is-
In between the Chipotle and the-
No, I get a salad with the chicken parm.
Oh.
And then I'll get a smoothie in there.
But what's hard is, you know, I don't like cooking.
I don't have the patience to cook.
I'm not interested in cooking.
No one ever taught me to cook.
I'm not from a cooking place.
Also in New York City.
We're fucking Irish white trash.
We had McDonald's my whole life in Mexico. Irish New York City. We were fucking Irish white trash. We had McDonald's my whole life.
New York City.
Irish white trash cooks.
My grandmother was Irish white trash.
She cooked for eight kids a day.
Yeah, you're not white trash.
That's white trash.
You're born with a silver spoon.
Yes, you're from Rhode Island.
I never lived in Rhode Island.
I can't even fill my special there.
You're from Rhode Island.
What did you say?
Louis Huffman lined up.
It's good.
This is really good.
The timing is off now.
The timing is off now.
This is very good.
Well, Joe, I'm going to go ahead and say that. I'm going to say that. I'm going to say that. I'm going to say Louis, I've been lined up, it's good. This is really good. Ah!
The timing is really good.
Everybody stop, stop.
The timing is off now.
This is very good.
I'm gonna set up.
Well, Joe said, what did you say about Bobby?
Silver spoon in his mouth?
Yeah, you can't fit a silver spoon in your mouth.
Ha ha ha.
I was, yeah.
I was speaking to him.
You know what?
He backed up, but he still.
Yeah.
Yeah, you gotta get the set up again.
I think I am, in a roundabout way,
winning the old Orchard Beach argument by this food argument. You are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Because you choose bad things doesn't mean you're not, like you're splurging left and right. It's a good argument.
Dawn loves when I splurge.
Jude, listen to me.
She loves when I splurge.
She told me.
You gotta stop.
She texted me.
Listen to me.
Did she text you?
You have a splurge in her stew?
Hey.
A splurge in her beef stew.
I'm gonna write that one down.
That's actually fun.
Um.
I wish you had a wife.
You gotta cook.
I wish you didn't fight up your marriage.
Cooking is a pain in the ass.
And then you're exhausted from the baby,
so you're just like, let me hit a button.
And it's so easy to hit reorder.
Stop adding the baby.
Reorder.
Excuse, you've had it for a year.
And a half.
Yeah, you can't use that as,
excuse, you haven't cooked in your life.
Well, I said I don't like cooking.
I don't come from a cooking.
Is there any way you could get into cooking
if you bought a house and had a nice kitchen?
What's the best thing you cook?
You personally.
I don't cook.
What's that? If you had to choose right now, you
don't. We're on a cooking show. The regs cooking experience.
This is one of our sketches. This is a sketch. I'm not going
to lie. It's a banger of this. We all cook a meal, bring it
in and see who the best one is. Have the fucking retard
producers tasted blindly and have them tasted. They'll love
everything. Bobby goes, I like rice. If we take them off rice,
I'm going to be fucked.
Puck was just eating grains out of a bag.
He's doing it with his finger.
He has one hand.
He has to wipe his asshole with the other.
With his shirt off.
More ashwagandha, please.
Kraft macaroni and cheese.
No, stop it, Joe.
If you had to cook, Joe, stop it.
If you had to really cook something right now,
what would you cook?
You get a protein, you get a fucking car.
Cotoni, marinara. You know how to make a sauce? Make You get a protein, you get a fucking car. Tony marinara.
You know how to make a sauce?
Make a sauce?
Yeah, you open the fucking jar, you pour it in the tub.
Bang boom.
He is winning the beach argument now.
What do you mean make a sauce?
What am I, fucking gay?
It's a gravy.
You want to take time with it.
It's not a gravy, it's sauce.
I don't like people calling it gravy either.
I felt like they're trying too hard.
Yeah, they're trying to be something.
No, you're serious.
You're dead serious. You're trying. I know when you're serious. I love gravy, but it's like
the weird sect of Italians that call it gravy. But it's like not like my grandma. Oh shit.
My grandma grows was Italian. She didn't call it gravy. She called it fucking so gravy.
I get your Mexican boy. I'm your grandson. Oh, I eat a lot of Mexican. Pussy.
Hey!
No, I eat a lot of Chipotle.
That's not real Mexican.
That's not Mexican.
That's McDonald's Mexican.
That's white people fucking Mexican.
What is it, Italian?
It's not Mexican.
No, it's chicken and rice.
It's like, what do they call it, California?
Like, uh...
Tex-Mex.
Yeah, like Tex-Mex.
That's what that is.
I love Tex-Mex.
Chipotle's not Tex-Mex, but I love Tex-Mex. That's what that is. No, I love Tex-Mex. Chipotle's not Tex-Mex, but I love Tex-Mex.
Could you do... what dishes can you do in a Mexican cuisine? Would you do like...
I can't cook any dishes, dude.
No, I don't cook. I don't get it.
Not cooking. I'm not cooking.
If we do a cooking show right now, we all have to cook for the... what is your meal that you're going to prep? That's to impress everybody.
Why don't we just get to Lewis' answer?
I can't cook either.
He wants to say what he's cooking. No, I haven't even thought about it.
I don't think before I speak.
I don't have a good one.
He has a good one.
I don't even know.
And you have to cook because you're a single dad.
I don't know how to cook either.
You have to know how to cook.
Whatever.
You're a single dad.
Yeah, I cook.
I cook a lot.
I'm a horrible...
My chick cleans, I cook.
I cook.
Katie can cook, I clean.
You clean. I don't clean or cook girl. What's that?
You're the girl. No, what are you talking? She cooks a clean. It's a partnership
What would be your meal is you and doors is that your 50s men don't clean? Yeah, not the 50s
Yeah, do you need somebody coffee, dude? Yeah, you need some body break coffee
fucking
French fucking made uniform
I windex
You closet it. Okay, Dan get self-conscious now you cleanin bitch
Dan has a class coffee table. He made buddies from Rhode Island. Yeah
He makes you go out of the house.
I have to clean.
Can you just go out for a little while?
What's your signature dish, Bob, if you're
going to cook something?
What's yours?
I don't know.
What?
You came up with the idea.
I don't think before I speak.
Oh.
Apocalypse.
Thanks, Paco.
I would say my signature dish.
What do I cook the most of? I cook steaks a lot. I cook steaks a lot too.
That's not fair. I had to cook the perfect steak though. Oh boy. Five, five, four, four, three, two, two, one, one. Alpha off.
Bobby's having a stroke. You know, you know, you know, I'm just that thing for Contra.
I cooked your barbecue, your first barbecue. I could make you grill a great thing. I'm a good guy. I see her. I see her it on the pan. Are you serious?
I'm on it. Give it to him.
I had a serious take pretty well. Seriously,
one more. I'm back. You know, he earned it. Now it's neutral.
What's your? What's your best side dish out of a steak, Bobby?
I would say I make a mean Mexican rice.
What is that?
It's just rice with shit in it.
Fucking bolt.
He left.
I know, but he felt bad for you.
You know what?
I did.
Chicken stock, peas, little carrots.
Okay.
Yeah, it's good.
You can add some tomato sauce to it too.
Yeah, make the rice red.
Make a little red.
I love that.
Rice and beans, like a nice rice and beans.
You just do hobo meals?
No.
You just do stuff that you can eat on the rails?
That was my mom's favorite thing.
She would make like, it was like.
We know. Heroin. She would make like, it was like, We know.
Heroin.
She would make heroin.
She goes, the spoon parts the cooking.
No, she would make, it was the cheapest meal,
it was two meals that she would make
through the cheapest meals ever.
It was one was corn brief, corn beef.
What?
Corn brief.
Corn brief?
Briefly, corn brief.
Was it small?
Corn beef out of a can.
Like you know the canned corn beef where you open it. It's
like, it's like spam. Well, that was the second meal. I'm
going to tell you it was canned corn beef, a pot of white rice
and a can of corn canned corn and she would microwave with
butter and then she would mix all three together and like a
you had a KFC bowl. Your whole life was a KFC bowl. That's
bugger. But it would do it. I'll tell you right now, it was so good.
Sounds good right now.
Dude, it was so fucking good.
Did she put your fam in it?
Soldiers.
No, no. That was the second meal. Her meal was like $3 to feed the whole family, right?
That's smart.
It was a rice, corn, a can of corn, and a fucking thing of corned beef. The second one
was a can of spam. She would slice it and fry it. And then it would be...
Fried spam kind of does rock.
Craft macaroni and cheese and canned peas.
Peas and mac and cheese.
My mom's dish was cream of tuna.
Yeah it was.
I loved your mom's cream of tuna.
She would get tuna fish, mushroom soup with peas
and mix it up and then put it over white rice.
That's disgusting.
It was good, right?
I know, it was good.
Disgusting, but it was good.
It's meals you would make prisoners.
She didn't have money to buy chicken.
She was just canned tuna, which is kind of like chicken
when you put it in cream of mushroom.
I haven't had spam in so long
because I never checked that folder in my email.
Hello, hello, joelis.com. Go to PunchUp.live.
No one left.
Joliss.
Dan jumped in with us a radio thing.
Just helping him plug, dude.
Helping him plug.
Spam folder.
I know, I hated it.
PunchUp.live. Joliss.
Ah, shit. Yeah, those are the only two meals my mom cooked.
What was the worst meal that your mom cooked for you
as a child, Joe?
The worst one?
Anything with vegetables in it.
Yeah, what's the worst meal?
Did your mom, when did your mom give up
trying to give you vegetables?
She's like, he's fucking broken.
Well, this is the thing, my parents don't eat vegetables.
He's fucking broken.
It's all learned behavior.
It's not like you just become this person.
And this is what drove me crazy about my parents.
They would be like, you gotta eat vegetable, you fucking idiot, You don't eat anything and now I'm an adult I go there
They eat
Literally nothing they eat spaghetti and pizza and burgers. Oh
Never any no one was ever eating vegetables or cooking in my house. So that's where you got it from. Yeah, of course
So there's no me. I am your mom doesn't have a meal that she makes she does pasta
New deers.
Did she make the sauce?
My sister made spaghetti for Christmas two years ago
and I almost punched her directly in the face.
I got so angry that she had the nerve
to make spaghetti for Christmas.
Why?
It's Christmas.
You don't have to make fucking spaghetti.
An eight minute meal?
What did you want?
I don't know, a fucking ham or a turkey.
It's just the time that matters.
I like therapist Dan, why?
Let's go with that.
Let's go with what you want.
She made you spaghetti.
Spaghetti.
What did it affect you like that for?
Well it's red, red and green.
You put a little parsley, red and green.
Boom, bam, colors, hello.
Ho, ho, ho.
I love spaghetti.
This is how you women usually have a big party.
I mean do a lasagna.
Dan, what was your mom's favorite meal?
My mom could fucking cook.
I have no excuse on why I can't cook.
My mom could fucking throw it out.
What did your mom, what was her favorite meal?
She did this roast that was really good with green beans.
Love a roast.
With green beans and spetzle.
Ooh, what's a spetzle?
It's like a German pasta that you mix in with green beans.
Pretzel with spit on it.
It's fucking great.
My mom can really cook. I have no excuse on why I suck that sounds good my dad could cook
too yeah mmm when he wasn't hammered all right P do you think he's cooking in
hell right now yeah probably on the fryer
Satan's like, all right, we're running late. He goes, firing chef.
My dad's a line cook in hell.
He's not chef, he's just a line cook.
No, he's not even a fucking, he's not even a sous chef.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, yeah, I feel bad that I can't cook
because I should be able to,
but also living in New York City, you have a-
Make Katie a fucking romantic meal.
Let her come home from fucking whatever she does
to like a nice fucking- You're home from whatever you do home from fucking whatever she does. Tell you a nice fucking.
You're home from whatever you do.
Whatever the fuck she does.
You know, one time, Dawn came home.
When she was out one day, I cleaned the whole apartment.
Yeah, that's.
I did everything.
She didn't even know.
This is what a piece of shit I am.
She came home, she cried.
Because you did it?
She was like, you cleaned the whole apartment?
I was like, yeah.
I go, yeah, I did laundry. Everything. She was like, oh my God. I was like, yeah. She goes, did you do the laundry? I go, yeah, I did the laundry.
Everything.
She was like, oh my God.
I was like, wow, I'm a piece of shit.
Yeah, she put on a French maid costume like I do.
You can get after it.
Any little windex?
Is it hook on like a little gun?
Yeah, I wheel down.
Zing!
Like I'm doing the windows.
Zing!
X, x, x, x, x.
She rents you out to other apartments in the building.
Hello.
CBD, how do you get it?
Well, I'll tell you what you do.
You get cornbread hemp.
I'm telling you right now,
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Bob, we only signed onto this ad
because he thought it was actual cornbread.
I hate cornbread, by the way.
Really?
As a fat guy, I don't like cornbread.
Cornbread's incredible.
Cornbread's unbelievable.
Joey would have cornbread.
Joey!
Joey!
Got a slice of pizza.
Oh, Joey's fucking late, but he's got pizza.
That's weird.
Oh, I didn't know that on the late train,
they served pizza.
You're gonna do a late train?
Whoa!
But do I walk in with pizza when I'm late?
Nothing like a Puerto Rican watching a steamed up
Bostonian running right down home.
You've been 30 minutes late.
I've never been 30 minutes late.
Don't get triggered.
You've been more than 30 minutes late.
Guys, you know what you all need?
You motherfuckers need some cornbread. They need cornbread ham, because you're freaking out right now. I'm just b 30 minutes late. Don't get triggered. It's been more than 30 minutes. Guys, you know what you all need? You motherfuckers need some cornbread.
They need cornbread hemp.
You're freaking out right now.
I'm just busting your balls.
In my pizza.
That's why I'm late.
I had to be.
They have THC.
They have CBD versions as well.
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You want to cut down on smoking as well.
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you guys want to watch my sister's dog while we're in Italy? No. What an asshole. I think you might want to direct that that way. Yeah. Are you talking the fucking thing? What are you
crazy? Yeah, don't go back. Parker goes, I learned the cook.
Yeah, go ask what you want to say in Jersey for a week. Stay in
Jersey. Did you think we were going to stay at your sister's
place in Jersey? No, we could bring the dog to you, but she's
going to chew up all your shit. Yeah, I'm good. We haven't
thought this before. You booked all the stuff? It's my sister.
Jay lives five minutes away.
How'd Jay do it?
He said no.
Wow.
He's got a new house and another dog.
It's a lot.
Did you know online I'm getting credit for Blue Jay Okerson?
It's making me furious.
You do?
You get credit?
Yeah, no, I didn't know that.
The team has laughed really hard.
It was all.
I didn't know that.
We loved it so much that they've credited him.
I didn't know that either because Jay was like,
yeah, I just know this is something.
We were on bonfire. And he's like, yeah, you said this. I don't know what it means. And
then I was like, I didn't say that. But yeah, evidently he's like, well, everyone thinks
you said it. I appreciate it. Keep spreading around blue. That was me. Don't do that. It's
Lou as I care about what you think you do though. Why? Because I want to make money, Bobby.
Guys.
Oshkowada.
Body break coffee right now.
We gotta make Lewis, how many millions?
Until you go away.
25?
How much does Dickie want to lose?
20 million.
How much is he gonna take from you guys?
We want Lewis to become really successful
so we don't have to do this.
Start this fund.
Get rid of Lewis fund.
I really mean this.
20 million dollars, you won't even know what happened to me. Please, dog, buy it right dollars. You won't even know what happened to me
You won't even know what I said 20. I just won't show up one day. Where's Lewis? We're not gonna say that
We're gonna go hunting. We're gonna go get we're gonna get good food and call it a wrap
What about 15 million dollars you wouldn't leave for 15 million now?
You can't leave 20 million sort of like the out number right now like like the the
Crack my fucking iPhone in half my have a flip phone, go live on like
in the woods.
No, probably the woods.
You can't live in the woods.
Yes, dude.
Keep going, King.
Yeah.
I'm fucking, I'm here for-
Hey, no Kings.
Just disappear.
I'm here for it.
Disappear from all of it.
You're not going, you're going to go to a tropical island.
Maybe.
You're not a wood guy.
They'll kick him off the island.
You're going to deal with the winter?
I don't know that I could ever stop working though.
Like I still wanna do,
God, hustles just ingrained in your DNA.
If you make 25 million,
you have to get out of this business.
No, get out of this business.
Please, okay.
I'll be in the business of investing in Bitcoin.
I hope it happens next week.
I go, you see that Louis won the lottery, he's just gone?
All right, if you won the lottery, $400 million,
how much money would you give each one of us?
Ooh, that's a great question.
$0.
What?
You wouldn't give it to me.
Wait, wait, wait.
How much are you going to give me?
Sorry.
None anymore.
Wow.
$15 million, $15 million, $15 million.
$15 million each.
Yeah, and I'd give each of the producers $1 million.
$2 million.
Can you do me a favor?
Can you do me a favor?
Can you take five of my?
Just give me 10, give him 20
so he'll leave the bill. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Nevermind, I got 400, 20, 15, 15, and then
we have a two million dollar party when he leaves. Nice. We just did a fucking punch
fist. 400 million after taxes? That's 200 million. Yeah. I'm asking, is there taxes,
is it being taxed? Is it going away? going away. I mean, we're changing it up.
But if you want to do $200 million, that's fine.
But I would say $400 million after taxes.
If I got $200 million, in all honesty,
you would get...
This is the opposite of what you just said.
You would get...
I mean, I'd gift you maybe a mil each.
That's it?
Yeah.
Oh, I'm not giving you guys money.
You guys have money.
We don't have fucking millions.
A million each is like a nice, like, hey, you know what?
Go buy yourself a little house.
But if I give you a million, I gotta get,
how many people I gotta give more than that?
That's crazy.
We're close friends.
We're the fucking regs with a Z.
We started all this shit.
Yeah, dude, we're the ones.
Wait, did I make it because of the show blew up
and now I'm here?
No, you wanted it on the fucking, you wanted it.
You got 400 million.
I have to take care of this.
Like 40 members of my family
I gotta take care of before you guys.
Fuck them.
What about us?
You guys have, you have heated floors in your bathroom.
You've vacationed at fucking Hampton Beach.
Yeah.
Dude, I didn't vacation in fucking Portsmouth,
wherever you go.
What is it?
No, Portsmouth is nice.
Old Orchard Beach, OOB.
I would give the producers nothing.
Why? I'd give Danny so much.
I'd take you guys out to eat.
I would make Danny and Joe, I'd buy him a house and make them live together.
Get nice concerts. I'm just giving you guys some milk.
We're just fucking eating, we're eating chicken porn like assholes.
I go, can I have at least some vegetables? Joe goes, no.
You wouldn't give us a fucking...
Wait a minute, Nate is worth a
hundred and fifty million dollars when the shit is the fan I'm going to cash in
on my relationship with Nate don't you worry he's already paying 70 people
already that's what I would I hate how is his barber makes more money than me
very funny it's barber fuck my shit up yeah barber fuck my shit I didn't do
good he did he gave James the best haircut James ever had?
James talks about it every day.
I just miscommunicated.
I miscommunicated to him.
I said, hey, can you just take, I'm just trying to get,
like, clean up around my ears, and then he just buzzed,
like, by my ears, and it looked like it was off.
I would give you 10 million.
Thank you.
I would give you 10 million.
I might give you a little, I give you 20 to get you out
of the business.
I'm OK. You don't want it? So you're so rude. I might give you a little, I give you 20 to get you out of the business. I'm okay. You don't want it. You don't even. So you're so rude. So you're so rude. You
don't even take it. That's what an asshole you are. No, no, I'm thoughtful. I'm saying
don't worry about me. Take care of somebody that needs it. That's fucked up. I'm okay.
I'm getting by. That's open a can of fucking worms because now you're having to give it
ever. If you're just handing out money to your podcast cost, well, now do I get to give
big J? You'd have to, you'd to yeah, you have to do I gotta get fucking
Here's give Dave anything
Dave's killing it Dave's killing it
fucking nine
News networks this weekend that guy and it sucks to be Dave cuz he has to read and he was dead on about Trump
That's why he keeps getting
Rebooked. Yeah, he knew that he was the anti-war guy.
He was gonna definitely stick to what he said. He was on... I would give you guys
each 10-10 and then 20 to go away. That's very hurtful. I'd give you money
because you're a single dad. Thank you. No, 20 to go away.
Yeah.
This is nice.
Oh, you beat me.
Oh no, you're so cool.
I would keep...
James, get two cars.
I would maybe hire you guys.
Excuse me?
Louis could be my trainer.
I'd pay you like 50 bucks a day or something to train.
He starts out nice and it's slowly...
I'd love to be employed, but maybe more than that.
Danny Bradd. I would pay Danny to employed but more than that Danny Brad I would pay
Danny to do magic for me what would I do I would pay the producers to do gay shit with
each other oh my god the gay shit we get something would hurt yeah but not even be sexual but
you can't go fuck Danny in the ass he's a hundred thousand dollars we can do that now
with the money in our pockets Danny let's have Danny do a magic trick he won't do it
Danny come to a close-up magic trick I haven't done a magic trick in like 10 years.
10 years?
I've seen you do one like three weeks ago.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Is that crust?
Yeah.
All right.
You're gonna eat his crust?
I'm gonna eat his crust.
I'm starving.
I ate Don's crust once.
Do not, dude.
No, I like it.
Keep it going.
Because now this is the part where it dips.
I'm gonna fly in some crust for Bobby.
But I don't want it. You don't want some crust for Bobby. I don't want it.
You don't want to eat his crust.
I don't want it.
That's emasculating.
You don't want to eat another man's crust.
You want his scraps?
That looks like a nice piece.
Bobby, look at this right here.
I like the crust.
Bobby, if we could get this in the thing right here.
I'll tell you right now, this right here, right here,
it looks like it's real yummers.
It's Bobby's size.
That's his filet mignon.
Right here, look at this.
Now you want to stay away from the small mouth marks
on this side.
It doesn't look like a piranha ate it.
See, you can see the...
He dipped it in a pool of piranhas.
Brrrr. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey You want my crust? I don't want it. Okay. I mean, good luck living that one down.
You eat his crust?
I'm not eating his crust.
No way, man.
Never eat another man's crust.
I mean, that would be me in like middle school though, or elementary school.
I was a kid who was like, I would go around the lunch tables, been like, you're going
to eat that?
You're not going to drink that chocolate milk?
Would you go to lunch tables where people didn't know you?
They all knew me.
They all knew me as a kid.
The kid who hates people.
He goes to walk the trash can.
He has that fat Puerto Rican wants our crust. Hey,
you look like you got a couple sips of chocolate milk left.
Want to dump that in here? No, they would do is people that
wouldn't. I don't know how they didn't do it. Like they're kids
who would get chocolate milk. I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to
drink it today. And then they put it up. They put it up on
the counter to like return it. And then I'd go and I'd just
grab it. Bullshit. He didn't believe you. No one's putting
back. He's a liar. No one puts back that chocolate milk.
You would just go get people's extra chocolate milk?
Yeah.
Then I'd drink like four or five chocolate milk.
That chocolate milk, that dairy one that came in the little thing.
So good.
Ooh.
Wow.
Ooh.
There was a weirdo who got regular milk.
Like who the fuck raised you?
Regular lunch at, what are you, the 30s?
I like that regular milk with the pizza with lunch.
No, stop.
The Salisbury steak with a nice cold. Well, Bobby was actually raised in the 30s. I like that regular milk with the pizza with lunch. No, stop. The Salisbury steak with a nice cold.
Well, Bobby was actually raised in the 30s.
Now that's a nice beach.
Salisbury Beach is nice.
They had to do it for wartime.
They had to regulate it.
You guys didn't have Salisbury steak?
No, we had square pizza.
Bobby ate Freedom Prize.
You didn't have Salisbury steak with the mashed potatoes?
I had Salisbury steak at summer camp,
and it made me throw up violently.
I had Salisbury steak in TV dinners. We would eat a lot, too. Love a Salisbury steak at summer camp and it made me throw up violently. I had Salisbury steak in like TV dinners we would eat a lot too.
Love a Salisbury steak.
TV dinners was like the thing.
Remember, they don't have TV dinners.
They have them still.
Where?
They're in the frozen section.
They're out there.
K-Cuisine still exists.
That's what I was going to ask.
No, never at K-Cuisine.
I got the shitty Swanson ones.
They were like a buck.
Swanson ones for the divorced dads.
It took like an hour to cook in the oven.
That was like four microwaves.
Four minutes for the microwave or an hour and a half for the oven.
Who chooses?
I lived off Hungry Man in college for a while.
Those were good.
But you heated the dessert and the food.
I hated it.
And then the little rhubarb would be all hot.
No, you get the, well, I would choose my meal
based off of the dessert.
Then you'd get the brownie.
We know, Fatso.
Every time.
You just fucking eat the brownie first.
Nothing.
But then those mashed potatoes would come out either soupy or crazy ice in the middle
You had to peel off the top the last ten minutes. I know burn the top. I know but then
Soupy mmm, I kind of miss TV dinners to be honest
I like talking about it
I tell you what a TV dinner in an oven is way better than a TV dinner microwave if you
It's almost for the amount of time. It's almost immeasurable, like how much better
it is.
I eat TV dinners all the time.
No you don't.
No you do not.
All I get, Rayos, microwave.
Bring up Rayos.
A little plastic, you put it in, three minutes, take it out, stir it up, 90 seconds.
What is it, what are these?
It's like a microwave pasta dish.
You dress like you're eating.
Yeah, I get those all the time.
That's like, that's.
You love Italian food.
Yeah.
Would you eat Italian food if you went to Italy?
Like if you went on this trip with Lewis, would you go like, no, he'd bring frozen
rails in his bag.
I went to Milan.
I really do wonder if you're like, well, I've talked about this before.
I eat food when I'm in places.
I've eaten sushi and whale and reindeer.
You had whale? Do you, are you, are you fussy? Norway. food when I'm in places. I've eaten sushi and whale and reindeer.
You had whale?
Whale?
Where is your whale?
Are you fussy when you eat it?
No way.
Bobby's getting mad because you're eating his relatives.
You almost got it.
Ah, flat tire.
That was a flat tire.
You got too excited, you fat fuck.
He's like, he's like, oh, I'm going to get over it.
Bobby got too excited because there's a fat tire.
Bobby, Bobby, you eating whale?
That's a good one.
Fucking tub of shit.
Lumpy heart. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. on me. Stop it. But it's all about ease and habit, don't you see?
Like I would love to eat a fucking filet
with a mashed potato and asparagus every night,
but it's a whole to do.
It's a little moral.
It takes literally eight minutes to fry up a steak.
If I get 400 million, I'm gonna hire a chef.
Ooh!
See, I would love that.
If I had money, I would love to have a chef.
When I do that, I'm going to give
you that. I love salmon. I love fish and I love vegetables. Joe would only hire a chef
boyardee. Yeah. Okay. I don't know. I tried. You know what? Yeah. I tried to hold on for
a later diagnosis. No, like salmon and asparagus and like a baked carrot. A baked carrot is
good. Yeah, so I like those things, but it's like you come home, you've been running around
with your pods, whatever. No, it's carrots, but he said carrot. We got it. Whatever. Carrots.
You're one person, you chop up the carrot. What am I eating? Two carrots? His mouth can't
handle that load. He's got a saw one log. He can only handle the beginning of a carrot.
Oh, my mouth can handle a load.
Hey, hello.
But it's a whole, so it becomes easier to,
now on your phone you click past orders, reorder,
I'll just click that.
It's a habit.
Joe, what was whale like?
What kind of whale?
I don't really know, a sperm whale I think probably.
What a fact.
I don't know, it was good, it was okay. What was it like? What was it like? It was dark. It was like dark
meat. It was like black meat. It looked like a whale. It tastes like steak. What was it?
It was steak, but not as good as steak. This is like fish. No, it wasn't fish. It was a
fish steak. It didn't feel fishy. Maybe it's like a fish steak. It was a mistake folks.
Hello. What was reindeer like? Well, it is often described as similar to beef, but
with gamey, sometimes fishy flavor. Fishy fucking beef. Ew. Yeah. It looked like that.
They killed a whale to eat that. They do it a lot. So what type of whale did you eat?
Do you know? He just asked that. Would you black out? You just made a sperm boat joke.
Well, yeah, you made the joke. Are you okay? I don't know. He just asked that, would you black out? You just made a sperm boat joke, Will. Yeah, you made the joke.
Are you okay?
I don't know if, did somebody ask what type of Will?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You on this?
You got some?
Dude, I need some L-thining right now.
Hey guys, guess what we have today?
We have Body Brain, and here's the thing, I used it.
You loved it.
I loved it.
He did.
I'm gonna tell you, seriously.
Bobby would have loved to tell me that he hated it.
No, I wouldn't, I want you to succeed in life.
Did you take it at home or on the road?
I was up in New Hampshire, and Dawn wasn't there,
so she's the one who makes the coffee in the morning,
does all that, Jeff.
This is perfect for me.
I woke up, I got the little body brain,
put it in a cup, stirred it up, cream, sugar.
I was like, this better taste good,
because I don't care if it gives me a rock hard boner
for 72 hours, if it tastes like cat from a. I don't care how much O me a rock hard boner 72 hours if it tastes like that.
I don't care how much Oshkatongan stuff is in here unless it tastes good.
But dude, let me tell you, great cup of coffee.
Here's how you, this ain't test coffee.
Yes.
It's ice coffee.
I mean, if it's not good ice coffee, I ain't messing with that's the way to go.
Also it's hot now.
That's why I've commandeered the seat in front of the air conditioner.
Buddy, you can take a bottle of water,
pour the stuff in, ice coffee.
Just shake it up, put a little cream right there.
That's what I love.
You can sneak a little, like, three creams
from the fucking thing.
However you make your coffee, you make it, right?
I put it, you know what I do with my coffee?
Why are you from Long Island?
I'm a coffee.
I put it in my vanilla protein shake.
I just shake it up, and then I have a coffee-flavored
protein shake, it's great.
It works hot, cold, it really is great. And I'll tell
you right now, this is the truth. In the past 30 years the average testosterone
has gone down 25% for men. It's 5G dude. It's crazy dude. It's the 5G. It's the 5G.
It's the 5G. 5G is making us all men and women. There's an attack on manhood. After you turn 31%
every year your testosterone goes down. So this is- But also, I mean, let's not have 70 year olds dudes
all jacked up on testosterone.
No, did I give you the math?
You're supposed to get less testosterone
as you get older, because you're dying.
No, no.
No, you wanna feel good, dude.
You wanna keep it jacked up, do we're America, the war!
Look, the amount of people-
We just attacked Iran, we need to eat!
The amount of people that are-
So that's bullshit, though.
The amount of people that are injecting testosterone in their ass for no reason is
crazy.
This is natural.
It has Tonga Ali, which supports testosterone.
Fuck it.
People were using it for years as natural Viagra.
It has Lion's Mane for memory and cognitive function.
Ashwagandha to help reduce stress and balance cortisol.
I helped Max with his math homework.
I did fractions.
I was nuts.
I'm no Frank.
Ask me a question.
Go ahead and ask me a question.
What's the bottom? Seven!
Seven.
And then if you get jittery from coffee, it's Alphenian in it as well.
Alphenian, dude. I love Alphenian.
Didn't they fight them on Star Trek?
Alphenians?
Whether you're lifting, writing, podcasting, or just trying not to punch your boss in the face.
That's such a Lewis ad copy line.
This is the copy.
Listen, Lewis, we're, we're doing these reads on the regs, right?
Obviously you go to body, body, brain coffee.com.
Use the code regs.
Now, Lewis is saying right now, hold on.
Lewis is saying regs 15.
I think regs listeners should get 25%.
Well, hold on now.
I did that for June.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
I did it for June.
No, but first of all, this ad is for our fans.
This coffee is for our fans.
We're not our fans.
We're doing this in the name of the gang's fans,
the story horse fans.
This is all in the friendship circle.
25% off July.
God bless America.
Only a Macho Man asked me.
For 25%?
A quarter dozen, yeah, a quarter of the way there. How about Mr. T?
You want Mr. T to ask you?
Bye.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, let Mr. T ask you.
You in the real summer?
Hey woman, hey woman.
That ain't a good Mr. T.
You, 25% off.
What about an old Indian on top of a hill?
I wonder to not which Indian.
Not that Indian.
Nobody likes that Indian.
I have not seen many. Not that one, the other Indian. An Indian guy named Tongat turn off which Indian. Not that Indian. Nobody likes that Indian.
I have seen many.
Not that one.
The other Indian.
An Indian guy named Tongan Ali.
American Indian.
The great bald, the great bald brown warrior tells you, give us the quarter off.
For the summer.
For the month of July.
The summer.
July. We're going to extend it another month.
All right.
The month of July, 25% off.
I'll take that.
Use the promo codes REGS25, R-E-G-Z25 at bodybraincoffee.com. Just for the REG, 25% off use the promo codes regs25 regs25 at bodybraincoffee.com just for the regs 25% off
July and if I get 20,000 more followers on Instagram August 2
Sweet in the pot!
Bodybraincoffee.com thank you guys this is my brand that I launched I'm very proud of it
everyone seems to love it so go try it out if you guys want better, better brain function and just to feel good overall with a cup of coffee
You're probably drinking any every day. Anyway, I'm telling you cold hot. It was so easy and it tastes good on the fly body brain
When did you and Sarah decide just to have separate meals when in the relationship were you like?
Hey, you you eat like an adult night like a child. Well, we didn't really sit down. It's just one of those things
She's like I'm gonna cook this and I was like, I'm ordering food.
It's expensive.
That's the best thing.
That's the least romantic thing I've ever heard in my entire life.
It's very, it's worse than sleeping in separate beds.
Yeah, dude.
Jesus Christ, dude.
Fucking tell me about some of your romances.
Wow.
Shots fired.
Nails are out.
I love these people.
I love these people just single perpetually in and out
of relationships.
Oh, man, you don't know how to be. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm very happy. I just these people just single perpetually in and out of relationships. Oh man, you don't know how to be.
I'm sorry, I just settled down with the first woman that was attracted to me.
Oh, Rook's Battle!
I've had sex with 41 women.
Whoa, you had 41 women!
And that's only since I've been met.
Whoa!
Pussy ass!
There was three girls before I met them.
Wow!
Yeah, no, no, I don't settle.
I don't settle down.
You don't settle for less, right?
I want the perfect fucking relationship.
Like body, brain, coffee.
You don't settle.
Don't settle.
That's a great fucking tagline.
Oh, can we use that?
Don't settle.
Give me 5%.
Let me see a millionaire too.
Don't settle.
Don't settle.
Don't settle.
So all your ex-girlfriends, if they watch this, they go, hi. But the girls you date don't cook. No't settle. So all your ex girlfriends, if they watch this, they
go, but the girls you date don't cook. No, some of them do. Some of them were good.
He's got some. He's got some good girls. I've dated some gay good gals, but no,
after six months, after six months, six to 12 months, if they're not going to be
the one I fucking cut them loose. You beat it. What are you an employment at
Costco? Who's the one? What's going to be the one? What do you, an employment at a Costco? Give them a 90 days. Who's the one? What's gonna be the one?
What do you want to be the one?
Beat it, you didn't make the cut.
You hear Louis, he's got little reading glasses on,
he goes, it's your 90 day evaluation.
What?
You're out.
I just sucked your dick.
I know, he goes, your mushroom soup stinks.
No, I didn't allow it to go.
James will lead you to the front door.
The, come on.
Hey, it was nice meeting you.
I knew it was coming, I should have followed you.
I really had fun celebrating some holidays with you. I knew it was coming. I really
had fun celebrating some holidays with you. Shakes like
this. No, I'm dating somebody again. You know, we're good.
Yeah, we're good. Is she the one? Hopefully. What do you mean?
Hopefully, if she fucking continues on her trajectory,
she's on trajectory to be the one she's on the trajectory of a
chart in your office? Where you go?
Hey, look where you're at.
I give her stars every time she does this.
Those are four straight gold stars.
You're having a week.
You just come home with groceries.
Do something with this.
Turn this into something.
It's like Iron Chef.
He goes, today it will be sweet potatoes.
Hey!
Now make a dish.
I cook, but she cleans.
That's the lady's job.
Yeah.
You know.
Yeah, but.
You just talked, you just bragged about cleaning.
I clean a lot.
And your wife was like, oh my God, you're a human.
I clean one time.
So rarely, it made her cry.
That makes me think, yeah, well, I don't know.
Help out.
You're a cleaner.
Yeah, Joe, I'm sorry.
You're like, I've been with one girl for two decades.
When did you and Sarah get together?
Almost 14 years exactly.
2011.
Yep.
That's right.
See Dan was out there slinging Dick around
for a long time, then he fucking finally was like,
you know what, I got the one.
You, you just got excited.
The first girl that fucked him was like,
I'll accept your herpes.
You're like, marry me.
What the fuck is that?
What are you talking about?
We dated for seven years. I had a serious girlpes. You're like, marry me. What the fuck is that? What are you talking about? We dated for seven years.
I had a serious girl.
I'd lived with two women before, Sarah.
What?
Why did you invite me to your wedding?
You were?
I like the wedding.
You're a fucking idiot.
You were at the wedding.
You were at the wedding.
I'm a fucking idiot.
I said your name in the vows, you fucking idiot.
What are you talking about?
Yeah, you wrote us a nice letter.
Is this work?
It was forgettable.
Is this work?
You need to snort this.
It was a forgettable wedding.
Is this work? Make some lines. Oh, I thought did you know why did my wedding? Why did you fucking?
Why would you invite celebration? I didn't get one of these in the bag you get I told you wrote a really nice thing on
My thing sure yeah, but look at that. He doesn't care
Just cuz he's mad cuz he's lonely
Doesn't have a partner look at the little packages. Oh, that's nice.
I thought it was beans.
It's not beans?
No, no, no, it's freeze dried.
Coffee's not beans.
Joe.
Watch this.
You gonna do it?
You literally just pour it in?
Yeah, you just pour it in, shake it up.
Mortessin.
Put some water, mo tessin.
Whoa! Bobby's back, dude. Woo, motherfuckers! That's how you make coffee? Put some water. Mo Tessin. Whoa.
Bobby's back, dude.
Woo.
Motherfuckers.
That's how you make coffee?
Well, it's free.
It's freeze dried instant coffee.
All you gotta do is this.
Look.
Oh, this is, I used to take this camping with me.
They had a freeze dried thing, but it sucked.
Like when you put it, made it into the coffee, it sucked.
But this was good.
I did it this week.
I think that's for a sip.
How come you didn't put your name on it or anything?
Louis J. Goma is body brain. That'd be crazy. You're going brain. You're gonna need looks like pond water. You need a little cream.
You need some cream and sugar in it too. You need a little cream and sugar, but it's good.
It's not bad. It's tasty. It's not bad at all. It's really good. There's not Tosca Gongan
in there. Is there? I'm allergic to Tosca Gongan. Ah!
I like the way this feels.
I like the way you feel inside of me.
You want a bag?
I got you.
Do you drink coffee?
I'll give some to Sam, I don't drink coffee.
Well, I mean it's...
Dude, 25% off for the rest of the summer.
Is this only for men?
Like will my wife get hair?
So Tonga Ali does good shit for women too.
It's all...
It's all there he did.
It's a model balance.
Right here, look what you got. You got Tonga Ali, you got Ashka Kowashka, It's all hormonal balance.
Right here.
Look what you got.
You got Tanka Gali, you got Ashka Kwaska, you got Lions Maid, and L. Fithian.
Ashka Kwaska.
Ashka Kwaska.
But women can drink this.
Women can drink it.
If you're pregnant, you can't.
Is that real?
No.
No.
Is that for real?
No, anybody can have it.
It's all for women.
It's actually particularly good for women who are menopausal.
Let's take this whole thing. It's all it's actually particularly good for women who are menopausal
Take this whole thing once beef stew is fucking old
It's more of a chowder now
Let's wrap it up Let's do some plugs plugs plug it up. Hey, I got a plug it in
What's up bring the stuff up shit motherfucker, I'm in New England. Where are you? I'm oh
Burlington Coat Factory
Not burning to go back to the other one Burlington
Club loose first. Whoa. No, he's got Joe Joe's first
I got my dates for Vermont Comedy Club July 17th through the 19th
And I'm in Portland, Maine Empire Comedy Club July 9th and 10th Portsmouth Music Hall are we all
there 1112 what the fuck yeah thanks they got greedy and booked all of us
back to back look we are not imaginative then 9-11 through the 13th, Denver Comedy Works, baby.
Woo!
Burlington, Burlington, Vermont.
Vermont Comedy Club is great.
It's so fun.
That town is awesome.
So go to Four Corners of the Earth.
That's when I went there with Star Wars when he opened for me.
And he fucked a chick.
He had a chick's pussy next to a cannon on a grassy knoll.
Good for him.
He came back with all grass stains on his knees.
I love that.
Good for him.
Getting it.
Is this coming out next week or this week?
I don't know.
Ask the Filipino.
All right.
Come see me live, guys.
July 4th weekend, the 5th and the 6th, I'll be at the Atlantic City Comedy Club.
The week after I'm filming my special, the tickets for the special are sold out already,
but you can still get tickets for the warm-up shows
in Tampa on July 10th and 11th.
After that, I got a lot of other stuff coming up.
Timonium, Maryland for the first time.
Kansas City, Missouri.
Kansas City, Missouri.
Providence, Rhode Island.
Portland, Maine.
Key West coming up in September.
Levittown, New York.
Batavia, Illinois.
Springfield, Missouri. Damn, you're going everywhere. Chandler, Arizona, I'm going everywhere.
Go to lewisofskanks.com. I'm going everywhere, man.
That mic drop from San Diego has one in Arizona?
I guess so. I like mic drop. They're good people.
So, yeah, come see me live on the road. Sign up for my mailing list. I do a bonus podcast
every week, plus all inside information for Gas Digital and Skank Fest.
Get the pre-order for my book, Kn and Spoons right now on Amazon. Yeah people are very
excited about this. I'm excited about it so go order that right now and yeah if
you guys want to try out my coffee brand go to BodyBringCoffee.com try it out.
July 18th, July 19th I'm gonna be at the Funny Bone in Virginia Beach doing four
shows then July 31st through August 2nd,
Empire Comedy Club up in Portland, Maine.
Jesus.
Dead Crow Comedy Club will be there August 14th
through the 16th in Wilmington, North Carolina.
And then Brokeridge Comedy Club in Long Island.
One day, August 23rd, gonna do two shows.
Then September, the start of the golden
retriever of comedy tour.
Tickets available now at dancestor.com,
all the West Coast dates and a few East Coast dates are up,
but go to either punchup.live, dancestor,
or dancestor.com, go to dancestor.com for those tickets.
Thank you.
Punchup.live slash Robert Kelly for all my tour dates
and my special live from the Village Underground
is up there for free.
And I'm gonna be in Portland, I guess,
with the rest of these fuckers.
I mean, we really are like, I'm coming there
like two days after you're there.
And I'm there before Joe.
When are you there, Louis?
September.
So you kick it, you kickstarted then me,
then Joe, then Louis.
Why don't we just do the rags up there in a big group?
I don't know, we should've just done that.
July 24th and 25th, I'll be at the Empire Comedy Club.
I heard it's a great club.
And then I'm going to be in October.
I'm taking the summer off.
I'm going up to the tiny house for the summer.
But I'm back in October, Rochester, Tampa.
I'm going to be out there with Lewis this summer, though, while we're filming a special
with the boys. So go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly
and go to youtube.com slash at Robert Kelly comedy
to see all my standup and all that stuff.
So there you go.
I'm excited to be down in Tampa with you, bro.
We got an Airbnb, me, you, Max, James.
That's gonna be fun, really?
We're gonna go fishing.
How long are you spending, how much time in town?
I get there Wednesday, I'm leaving Sunday.
And this is the week before I go to Italy
with the whole family.
Yeah, I'm coming in Thursday early,
Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
And you're doing shows Friday, Saturday?
Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
Oh yeah.
Deep in the special.
Is Rebecca coming out too, right?
Yeah, Rebecca's coming out, Christine's coming out.
Perfect, that's gonna be great.
It's gonna be a lot of fun to be down.
Zach and Miko's gonna be helping. I'm usually down there by myself. Yeah. With Mike, I out. Perfect, that's gonna be great. It's gonna be a lot of fun to be down. Zachamico's gonna be. I'm usually down there by myself.
With Mike, I love Mike,
but it's gonna be good to be down there
with a whole crew of people, smoking bats.
Doing an Airbnb.
I got some special cigars.
Ooh, I'm excited.
For the special.
We're gonna have a good time, it's gonna be fun.
Yeah, we got a nice Airbnb.
Pool, hot tub.
We're gonna watch the boys get it on.
Boys are gonna kiss each other.
Yeah. Yeah. I
think we've passed the age where they do gay shit with each other. I think it's like a
year or two previous. If we let them left them to themselves, they might find their
way to each other's penises. But I think because Bobby's nervous, I was like, what do we leave
them in the Airbnb when we do the special? He's like, no, dude, let's bring them. I just
don't want to. I don't want somebody to, cause they're
at the age where they fuck around and do stupid. Yeah.
You know, they just going to have goof off. And if somebody
slips and get max was at a party, I told you a couple of
weeks ago when he got burnt at a fire pit, the back was
with the great burn. Yeah. It's third, third, second, second
and a half. It was a second on the pod. So I, you know what
I mean? It's like, I want-
I trust my son.
Yeah, I trust your son too.
Should I not trust Max?
No, not at all.
Max?
I would not trust Max with your son.
He'll fucking rape him.
You just come back and you go,
those are two good shows and you guys are all like,
then you go, I don't know what happened,
I fucked him and he died, I fucked him to death.
What the fuck happened? Plus fucked him and he died. I fucked him to death. It fucking happened.
I'm gonna go.
Plus they should be with us.
Your son should be at your special.
Yeah, you should make him hang out in that back office.
He should be around that moment.
He should be around the atmosphere of that.
Half of the material on it is not appropriate.
He doesn't have to watch it,
but he should definitely, at the end,
someone should go, hey, your father's wrapping up up and see that moment and you should bring them on stage for one of the shows get that on
Film you won't use it. The whole closing bit is literally
About the video of me sucking Bobby Kelly's dick. Yeah about how terrified I am that my son's gonna find it
One he goes by the way, he's here right now
Comes out like an awkward politician.
Hey.
Max will be like, Louis blew you?
I'll be like, we'll talk about it later.
Yeah.
Should definitely be there for that.
We'll have somebody in the back watch him.
We'll have one of the waitresses be back there
if I can show him titties.
They got hot waitresses in five-spotters.
Smoke and hot waitresses.
You can get Bosco sticks for them.
One of my favorite dinners.
What is that? It's cheesy bread. They call it Bosco sticks for them. One of my favorite dinners. What is that?
It's cheesy bread, that they call it Bosco sticks.
My son likes meals.
He doesn't want to Bosco sticks.
I like meals too.
You like children meals.
You like mealworms, you fish.
I just, God damn, I was so glad it was there
and I got to watch you realize it was there.
I didn't even get it.
That fucking ball.
Nobody got it, Joe, that's the point.
That was so fun to watch Lewis fall off the cliff
and just go, I'm fine, I'm fine.
You like meal worms you fish.
Yeah, like fish.
You got a small mouth.
You got a small mouth.
You got a fish mouth.
You can only get worms in it.
Ooh.
Meal worms.
Meal worms.
Yeah, it's surprising you don't like spaghetti more.
I love spaghetti.
You look like you're always slurping spaghetti.
It was just mean.
Alright guys, let's take a moment to thank Ridge Wallet for supporting today's show.
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it's a big, hunky, leathery piece of shit. It's like Dan Soder's neck.
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What does that even mean?
That's gotta fuck with him. Why'd you do that?
Yeah, now I've got to go fuel around.
I've got a Ridge Wallet neck, dude.
It's sleek and tough.
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After you purchase they're going to ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and let them know that we sent you. Yeah, but I'm excited to fish. We're gonna go
Even talk can I be honest? What's your problem? Yeah, let it loose Bobby's a real fisherman
I'm gonna be honest with you. He ain't a poser like you. I'm a real fisherman
I'm as much of a fisherman as Bobby or not Bobby does like fly fishing Bobby goes like river shit
I've been fishing a thousand times. I fish for sport.
You fish to feed your family.
Lewis is there with the spear in the river.
I gotta get one or the kid dies.
Nah, he laughs.
Nah, I'm fucking, I yes handed it.
Get that over there, mealworm.
No, dude, I just want to be honest with you about this.
What's your problem?
It's not a problem.
Some of the best fishing I've ever had in my entire life was in Tampa.
I know, that's fine.
It's your special.
Yeah.
We have the boys.
Yeah.
You should relax.
Take the-
There's nothing more relaxing than fishing.
It's not relaxing.
We're not fishing for swordfish.
You gotta go out, you gotta get on the boat,
you gotta go out in the sun.
Gotta go early.
You're out there all day.
It's exhausting.
Going on a boat fishing is not a- We're going around, it's a little boat. It's not like out in the sun, you're out there all day, it's exhausting. Going on a boat fishing is not a...
We're going around, it's a little boat, it's not like out in the ocean.
Which is worse.
No, it's fucking fun, dude.
Fun, dude?
Peacock bass.
You're a peacock bass.
That's what we call it, they were really fun to catch.
Go fuck your ass. You should take, you should not, you should relax all day.
I'm gonna relax.
You should hang by the pool, smoke cigars, get your shit together.
I'm gonna be hanging out on top of water smoking.
It's the same exact shakes.
We have to fish.
When are we going to fish?
Friday?
Thursday, maybe.
Thursday we get you down there.
Let me hear this.
This is some fascinating.
I get there Wednesday.
Hit us with the itinerary.
Get there Wednesday.
Check into the Airbnb.
Great.
You're going to want to relax right when you get there.
We're traveling.
Me and James, you're getting in Wednesday to relax on Wednesday. We're traveling.
Me and James just going to chill.
You're getting in Wednesday.
Getting in Wednesday.
We're traveling Thursday morning.
I don't want to travel and then go on a boat.
So we'll do Friday morning.
We'll do the fishing.
So when is your special?
Saturday.
Oh, okay.
But Friday you got two shows Friday.
Two shows Friday.
Yeah, yeah.
But I get up at 6 in the morning every day.
I want to go down to the club Friday too.
I want to see, make sure everything's righteous for that club Friday, too I want to see make sure everything's righteous. Yeah for that night
Well, I don't want to show up blessed sunburned and all fucking exhausted
Yeah, I think he's gonna put a little sunblock on we here's the answer a little bit
I don't know when you guys are leaving but Sunday is when you fish now. Yeah, it's over
It's in the can you guys talk about Friday stand Monday
Yeah, I go fishing after the Friday. It's 10 to Monday. Yeah. Go fishing after the special.
It's in the can.
What's going to happen on fishing that I can't do it before the special?
It's just, you know, you might get pulled in and then you're living underwater in Atlantis.
Yeah, you might.
You've got to fight for the kingdom of Atlantis.
I catch a boot.
I cook it by accident.
I get boot poisoning.
What?
No, that's what kills hobos.
Boot poisoning.
Boot scrap poisoning.
What about this?
You go fish, you stay back.
No, if he goes fishing, I'm going to go with you.
We're going to go fishing. The boys want to fish.
I got to go to the club though. I can't...
I want to be at the club.
We're going to go at 6 in the morning until like 9, 10 o'clock.
We're done. Taking a nap in the afternoon, we're good.
Alright.
You don't go fishing from 6 to 9.
What do you mean? The fish are just hanging out?
You go fishing 6 to 1.
No. You go a 4 go fishing six to one.
No.
Yes.
You go a four hour fishing trip.
Yes.
Six to nine is three hours.
Yeah.
You basically are gonna go out
and then just turn around and come back.
Yeah.
No, six to 10, you go where the...
There's no six to 10 fishing.
Yeah, what are you doing?
The morning shift?
Well, I'm the boss.
We'll go fishing for as long as we wanna fish.
You're not the boss.
You're not the boss.
You're not the boss.
I'm the special boy.
Special boy wants to go fishing from six to five at that time. I'm the special boy. Special boy who wants to go fishing from six to five times that I am.
I'm a special boy.
I go fishing whatever I want.
No, we did, me and Aaron went, and I'm going to ask Aaron who we went with because it was
a great fucking day.
Berg?
Berg, yeah.
And we smoked cigars in the boat.
We fished for fucking peacock bass.
You guys did all day.
No, we didn't.
All day. How was your... We did fishing on Norman's bachelor party.
It was great.
Bert set us up with deep sea.
It was fun.
Deep sea is fun, but you can get seasickness sometimes, which sucks.
Pussy.
Umar Khan did.
Maybe it's a brown thing.
It was totally fine.
Did you guys turn around for him or no?
Like you just stayed there dying?
He went into the cabin of the boat. No, you can't go into the cabin. We wasted $1,600
in Jamaica. We did a whole family fishing trip, right? And my sister, my niece, James,
we were all there. And then my niece went, go into the cabin because she didn't like
the rockiness of the boat. So she got crazy sick. My sister went to go comfort her. While my sister was comforting her, she got crazy
sick. Then I went down and was like, what's going on down here? And they were like, I
got crazy sick. Oh, really? Moves different down here.
The large ass seats.
We had to turn around. We literally paid them literally to go back to the seat, get us sick
and turn back around. It was the worst.
Yeah. That sounds like fun. We should do that on the boat. No, we're not doing that, dude. We're gonna
fucking go on a nice like down in the bow, dude. Fucking Max
is puking on James. James is doing on Louis. I do whatever
you want to do. I'm cool. Whatever you want to do. I just
have a little, you know, he's the director. No, it's got a
vision is whatever you want to do. You want to go fishing.
We'll wake up at fucking five 30 in the morning. Go fishing.
Yeah.
Wow. You know, like we've never done a father son thing. We talk about this every year. So what did you up country? I said, come up and me, you and James
go to the tiny house for the weekend. That's not a vacation. That's not somebody tiny house.
It's on a, it's in the definition. It's a tiny house. I don't want to be there. You
should bring James up and we should hang for the weekend.
We got the lake, we got a fun spot.
We got a drive-in, we got a shooting.
We'll go shoot guns.
We'll go bring the kids to shoot a bunch of guns.
Be fun, dude.
Give the kids some guns.
We'll go out in the woods.
We'll do some hiking.
There's a swimming hole we can take them to,
jump off a rock into the fucking lake.
That's where they do their gay shit.
The swimming hole's gonna be cold, cold water.
I don't like cold water.
It's not cold, it's like bath water.
Oh my God.
I hate cold water.
You two are like an 85 year old man.
Chrissy.
It's horrible, it's horrible to witness.
I'm just saying.
Yeah, we'll go fishing.
Nah, it's too cold.
No dude, I like warm water.
I'm gonna get home today, 87 degrees for the pool.
That's like tea. Yeah, what are you doing? What are you, hot tub? That's a hot tub. gonna get home today, 87 degrees for the pool. That's like tea.
Yeah, what are you doing?
What are you, hot tub?
That's a hot tub.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
It's not refreshing at all, asshole.
It's very refreshing, 87.
It's 700 degrees out.
If you wanna jump in.
Oh, look, it's got boiled.
I'm relaxing, getting boiled.
I like it, I do what it's, on a cool day,
I turn up to 92.
That's gross.
Swimming there?
Cold, rainy day, yeah.
The steam's coming off the pool, it's the best. You're gonna get struck by lightning. You're going to get absolutely struck by lightning if you're swimming in the rain. Yeah, sometimes I swim in the rain.
Swimming in the rain.
I mean, what are the chances of getting struck by lightning?
James is inside watching TV.
It's just a zap.
And he goes, hey, Dad.
Dad, the TV's not working.
Dad, the TV's not working.
They just show Louis on the TV.
He's in the TV.
Oh, no.
I'm stuck on the television.
I'm stuck on the television.
I'm stuck on the television.
I'm stuck on the television.
I'm stuck on the television.
I'm stuck on the television.
I'm stuck on the television.
I'm stuck on the television.
I'm stuck on the television.
I'm stuck on the television. I'm stuck on the television. I'm stuck on the television. I'm stuck on the television. I'm stuck on the television. And he goes, hey, Dad? Dad, the TV's not working. Dad? The TV's not working.
They just showed Louis on the TV.
He's in the TV.
Yes.
Oh, no!
I'm stuck in the towel, that guy.
No, I like a hot pool.
I hate a hot pool.
Oh, cold pool.
I don't like a cold pool, but I like a Luke.
Cold at first, and then you get used to it.
Yeah, right.
Uh.
And then, uh.
Or it's nice, where you go, oh, actually this is Oh, when I was a kid, I used to have to like,
you'd walk in like one foot at a time that you move in another six.
That's like in the spring at a hotel pool.
The summer you want like a little bit of touches your balls.
You fucking know.
No, no, no.
That's horrible.
I remember Kumio used to have his pool out there along.
It was like a hundred degree.
You jump in.
It was hot.
The hot tub was the same as the pool. Nope. Disgusting.
It used to be a cool down. He's got his own Mexicans in cages to
feed. You guys want to feed him? Here's a stock of celery.
Uh, well, your boy started World War three. Thanks, Bobby.
Who's boy Trump? Oh, do you see his new hat? He's gonna make
mega make. I ran great again. That's hilarious.
If that hat comes out, I'm getting it.
I mean, you gotta, that'd be the only piece of political merch I would push for you to
buy.
Miga?
Yeah, it's a fucking...
We're gonna die.
We're not gonna die.
We're gonna die.
This has been happening for hundreds of years.
We're fine.
No, he made it look like we could do it.
There's nothing to do with it.
Your son, our sons are gonna die.
Yes.
Your sons will fight in little draft them their death?
Which is very funny cuz at James's first birthday party
You had a book where everyone wrote something to him, right?
And I jokingly wrote this long thing of like James you will have to fight the robots
You don't know who I am. My name is Dan. I'm a friend of your father
I wrote this long thing that was like for now
There is peace in all the land
But you will have to take up arms against the machines as they rise and I might this long thing that was like, for now there is peace in all of the land, but you will have to take up arms
against the machines as they rise.
And I might have been right.
What if that becomes the new Bible?
If that becomes true, and he goes,
look at this oracle, and it's just me with a long beard
and a bunch of dogs and Katie's skeleton in the corner.
I'm like, I was making that shit up!
Yeah, you're just cleaning stuff.
I go, I clean her, and she stays alive.
I clean the bones, she stays alive.
Anywho. It's fun point guarding stays alive. I clean the bones, she stays alive. Anywho.
It's fun point guarding, Dan.
It's the best.
I feel like I don't get the point guard from this angle.
Baby, listen, this episode was just about switching it up.
Have a little taste of spaghetti Joe.
I like it.
Spaghetti Joe, I like that.
Spaghetti Joe's the new name.
Spaghetti Joe.
Cookie man or spaghetti Joe.
Cookie man sucks, we're not a drug dealer. Cookie man's nice. Cookie man sounds like a 70s pimp. Spaghetti Joe. Cookie Man or Spaghetti Joe. Cookie Man sucks, we're not a drug dealer.
Cookie Man's nice.
Cookie Man sounds like a 70's pimp.
The Cookie Man.
No, you're the Spaghetti Joe.
Spaghetti Joe's nice.
And then we just, one little strip.
That's your logo.
Sucking it up.
I'm a twister, but for the bit.
For the bit only.
I'll slurp.
Are you a spoon twist or just twist?
Spoon twist is crazy.
What are you, a kid?
Body break coffee.
No, if I go to a restaurant,
I don't go get a spoon out of my drawer like an asshole.
But if I'm at a restaurant, they give you the spoon,
I use it.
Oh, I'll never use the spoon, it's crazy.
I love the spoon, the spoon is great.
No, I just twirl right in my hand.
Big old ball of noodle.
Now, when you get, do you get ramen?
Do you fuck with a little ramen?
Oh yeah, dude
You're at fuck. You don't do you don't do Chinese. You ever done?
No other Chinese I get general sow and
Spicy chicken. Oh, we gotta take you to like nom son and get you some fuck
nom son
Vietnamese right Vietnamese rules fuzz fuzz great Pocky you're Vietnamese, right? He's Filipino. He. Fuzz, great. Paco, you're Vietnamese, right?
He's Filipino, he eats boiled chicken hearts.
Paco's a faggot.
Ah!
Grab my hand, grab my hand, but interlace your fingers
because I like that so much.
I like it so much, I want to intertwine with you.
Thank you, Paco.
Ah, you're fucking.
Now watch my sister's dog.
Paco, you gonna watch the dog?
Hey, he goes, watch your sister's dog go into my.
Paco, you gonna watch the dog?
No, probably not.
Paco, you gonna have my house for the week.
Who wants your house?
Pino Pride, Pino Pride, fight for it.
My house is beautiful.
It's beautiful, but it's way out in Jersey.
If I were an employee of yours.
He has a moped, how's he gonna get there?
If I were an employee of yours, I would stay at your house and I would come
everywhere. I would just come in small little tiny places.
You can stay at my house, you have the pool the whole week and come everywhere.
You get to come everywhere. Not James's room because James is the G.
But everywhere Louis might be. When he comes comes home make his pool look like a drop soup
We have he's killing sponsors just went crap whatever they're called the what are they called not sponsors?
What are they called producers producers are they producers the bullpen?
Then what we do you want from me they love that one is the point loved it
All right, let's read it. Who do you, let's rank who hates us the most of the three?
Oh, I think Danny has like a punching board at his house.
So I go Danny.
No, I think Joe hates us the most.
No, Joe's cool.
Joe doesn't process.
He's like a fucking porn star.
He can just like block it off and have the abuse.
You know, with gay, straight, doesn't matter.
It's his dick already gets paid.
That's exactly it.
I think Paco, Paco is hopeful.
Paco's like, this is, Paco goes,
we're on the edge of a friendship
with all four of these guys.
Paco has a plan.
He has a plan.
We are little stepping stones for his plan.
He wants fame and success,
and he secretly has little notepads
with all the times Lewis has done something
anything I've done. He's got it written down and when he does make it he's gonna fucking
give us a nice fuck you.
Meanwhile Danny assembles and reassembles his rifle like Forrest Gump every night he
goes home.
Danny's what I worry about. Paco has, Danny has revenge.
Yeah Danny can't, the squirrels tell Danny to hurt people.
Yeah. Danny has to, Danny has to like undo stuff after this podcast, like in his brain.
Yeah. He has to go and have something.
Danny hates us the most. Not us. Let's not us.
You're the reenu.
Not us.
You yelled at Danny for like a year and he wasn't even doing the thing you were yelling
at him about.
I mean, if you want to go through it, they hate Louis the most.
Of course. Then it would be me. Yeah. And then I think they like both of you. I mean, if you want to go through it, they hate Louis the most. Of course.
Then it would be me.
Yeah, maybe.
And then I think they like both of you,
but I would say they love Joe and they love Dan,
because you guys are neutral people.
No, I think we're just decent human beings.
Who's yelled at you worse, Danny, me or Bobby?
I think we're just decent.
You're just neutral.
No, we're just decent.
You can call decency neutral if you'd like to.
Danny.
Yeah, so Bobby, but I also talk to Bobby every day
and do more shit that makes him angry. I get that. You guys are closer. Yeah, so Bobby, but I also talk to Bobby every day and do more
shit that makes him angry. Like I don't. I get that. You guys are closer. Yeah, that
makes sense. So Bobby's like Bobby, Bobby's full fledged. Hold on. But I would say I like
Bobby the most. Like Bobby's my man. You love him. So yes, he owes me the most, but he's
also the best. Danny, have I apologized for when I was wrong? Yes. Thank you. Have you
ever apologized? Has it ever been wrong? What? You've been wrong most of the time.
Wait Danny, I thought we had something. I love you too Joe.
I always talk about how funny you are. Danny, as long as you miss me with that AR-15,
we're good bud. I love you too Dan.
And I talk about how much you like magic. I like magic too.
Hey Danny, why don't you tell me you love me you fucking piece of shit.
That was a great old Dane joke. Where he was like, give the guy a piece of candy in the
office and then he comes in and he goes,
Thanks for the candy.
Thanks for the candy.
It's one of my favorite old Dane jokes.
One of my favorite jokes.
Thanks for the candy.
I don't really care if the producers like me.
How about that?
We know.
Podcast producers are the lowest form of life.
Wow.
Wonder why they don't like you.
Completely replaceable.
Wow.
They say the same thing about us.
No, we're not replaceable.
We are not replaceable.
Really?
I think we could do okay. I think any one of us could be replaceable. Really? I think we can do okay.
I think any one of us can be replaced.
Any one of us can be replaced.
Fine.
Any one of us can be replaced.
We are the regs with a Z.
We are farmers.
I hate how the producers joined in on that.
Yeah, Danny, who said you could join in that?
He has to.
He has autism.
Fucking asshole.
Guys, that was Paco.
That was Paco.
Now I have to apologize in Tagalog. He has autism. Fucking asshole. Guys, he has. That was Paco. That was Paco.
Now I have to apologize in Tagalog.
Paco, you're no doubt.
He's still angry.
He was just speaking his native language.
He's like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
He thought a ship was coming ashore.
Have you ever had mamoons?
Like shawarma?
Yeah.
You like it?
Yeah.
Too many mamoons were moving into my neighborhood recently.
Hello.
That'll lower the room.
Mamoon.
I'm not even sure I get it.
Couple of mamoons.
Couple of mamoons moving across the street.
That's a great new name.
Who's here?
Who's here?
It's Mark Marin.
Let me see it.
Oh, I would like that.
I'd be like, what the fuck?
It's Mark Mamoon.
Mark Mamoon.
Is it Gnome?
Gnome.
I barely met him.
Hey.
Huh? Okay. All right, him. Hey, okay.
All right, folks.
Guys, this was sexy.
We're not done, Dan.
Stop telling us when we're done.
There was a natural lol.
Dude, stop telling us when we're done.
You don't get a decision.
No, you're not the boss of us.
Yeah, you're not.
You're not.
Even though you make all the money from the spot?
Yeah, you make all the money.
You have a coffee, we have nothing.
Where's the money?
Where's the money, Lebowski? Where's the fucking money? Where's the money from the spot yeah you make all the money you open give a coffee we have nothing where's the money where's the money where's the money
who is that Joe?
Oh just the guy. Get him on.
Just the guy named Phil Burr!
Fuck you!
Yeah you guys are fucked, it's still going podcast now.
We gotta get a guy. We need some fresh fish.
We don't need anybody.
We need a little mix them up. Don't you... We need a little spice. We don't need anybody. We need a little mix-em-up.
Don't you think?
You're a man.
A girl, a hot girl with get-the.
Woo!
Short skirt, heels.
What girl, what girl?
Somebody hot.
Name one that's hot.
Who's the hottest female comedian right now?
Jessica Kirshen.
What are you laughing at?
She is on fire.
No, she is 100 degrees outside, she's sweating.
Hottest female comedian?
We don't wanna go down this.
Why not, why don't we?
There's some I'm telling you right now, Lewis post
pandemic with the only
fans being out there and everyone popular.
There are some hot young female
comedians. Oh, yeah.
Because they realize that this is just a way that you could
also got really pretty.
Gabby Gabby's pretty toy.
She got pretty. She got very pretty.
I look at her like a daughter, but she got fake boobs. She's kind of become a little woman. I need the fake
boobs though. These bitches need to chill with the fake boobs. I
like a small titty. You take a nice little handful. I'm a big
gnats dude. I like fucking big old gnats. All these girls,
they get fucking lip shit. They get fucking lip shit. My
lawyer, Robert lip shit. They get injections lip shit, they get fucking. Lip shit's my lawyer. Robert lip shit.
They get injections in their face, they get Botox,
they get fucking tit jobs, it's like just be yourself.
Come to Lewis' house of natural beauty.
All my ladies.
I don't mind a tit job.
I love a boob job.
The lip thing, I get ya.
No, I mean look, I've been with a few chicks with boob jobs
and they're fun when you're playing with them.
They don't look that great, though.
I don't like the way they look.
No, I had sex with a fake-titted lady one time,
and she was laying on her back, and they were straight up.
Yeah.
I like that.
You like that?
Yeah.
Well, I mean, I don't need it, but it was nice.
Guys.
Fake tits are awesome.
I like a nice fake tit.
I have a fake dick.
They're good?
They're good, yeah.
Right under my bed.
You have a what? A fake dick. My wife a nice fake tit. I have a fake tit. They're good. They're good. You have a what?
My wife uses it on me.
No, I like a natural small titty like a be cup. I
Like a nice natural small penis. Yeah, absolutely. It's in your butt. Yeah, if it's in your butt your mouth your hand
I don't want to go but all these chicks they do the fucking hip injections, they do fucking. What's a hip, why do they want hip injections?
They do hips, do they do hips?
They don't do hips.
Are they playing roller ball?
They make fake hips.
Hockey players.
What is a hip injection, you fucking idiot?
They make their fake hips, dude.
No, they don't.
Yeah, they do.
You mean a fake butt?
No, they do the hips too.
I was with a girl.
Hips so high though.
I was with a girl back in the day who had fake hips.
What?
Was she 90?
No, she was a...
She goes, I broke it going down the driveway.
Remember me?
From the commercial.
I fell and I can't get up.
But now I got up and I have a metal hip.
I was like, here, sit in this.
And it's a seat that takes her up the stairwell.
Wee!
I always wanted an elevator and a house.
To get a dream house, I would love just to go in and just.
And then it breaks and you never fix it
because it costs $20,000.
Bobby's like, dude, I always wanted a shopping cart
that I could drive around in, around the supermarket.
I want to be a real rascal.
Wait a sec.
That's the name.
Wouldn't that be great to have an elevator?
No.
Yeah, a sunken living room and an elevator.
Sunken living room?
Sunken living room, yes.
Absolutely. What's a sunken living room? Why wouldn't you want an elevator? You gotta Yeah. A sunken living room and a sunken living room. Absolutely. Why wouldn't
you want an elevator? You got to keep it up. What? You got to keep it up. What are you
talking about? What kind of fantasy is this? We're doing a fantasy. We're having a fantasy
about being wealthy. It's not a fucking- Upkeep. What are you talking about? It's like the
silliest thing I've ever heard. Upkeep. Yeah, but you got to have the- if you have floor
to ceiling windows, you got to wash them. How do you get up there? I don't want to wash the buttons. It's a whole thing
You know me I'm the cleaning guy you're not the one cleaning it
I'm the guy you have to three some with two girls you go. Where are we gonna sleep?
Wouldn't that be great if you have like a like a three-story home?
You're in the sunken basement living room watching movies and it's like fucking jump fuck, you jump in the elevator, it just takes you up to your bedroom.
Okay, I love this idea.
Yeah.
And then you're stuck in between the sunken and the bedroom.
Why do you get to do that?
Nobody's stuck, it's a fantasy.
Well, what if your head gets stuck and then it comes and decapitates you?
It's never ever getting stuck.
But there's a ghost in the elevator, like Joe's joke.
You made it that far?
I watched the whole thing with my son.
We watched it, I drove to Boston with James and Scott Chaplin
We watched the or listened to the entire thing on the ride. Oh, wow James Bob all we're heading towards a million views
Two things I want in my home and I'm jealous cuz Sam Arielle was telling me he has both these things and I've always
Wanted a real man greet what?
Here a real man real man
Sam is a real man. Oh, yeah
a real man real man Sam is a real man oh yeah Sam's got a boy good one a screening a screening room even if it's like eight seats 12 seats Sam has one
of those yeah a nice movie screen if you're in the suburbs just we shouldn't
move to fucking Tribeca you asshole if you had to move to Westchester or Jersey
you could easily afford a screening room it It's just a room that you make.
It's a room.
You buy some seats.
Yeah, dude.
And a steam room.
I have a steam room.
I'm doing a steam room.
Buddy, I have a sauna and I have a cold plunge.
Do you have a steam room, though?
Yeah, I don't like steam. Sauna's better for you.
I'm doing both. I'm doing a barrel sauna in the backyard. I'm enclosing my shower and
making my shower a steam shower.
Yeah.
I like that.
You got to be careful though. You might pass out. You got to be careful He's got both you might pass out you're gonna have in the city flip in Manhattan
I'm gonna flip you have to have a flip a little flip glass up the top
Because if it gets too hot you're gonna flip it out people pass out in this the hotter the better
I start selling a liquor so we can get one of those
He's good. I could have chosen liquor and destroyed my fans lives
But instead I chose body brand coffee, which is great for the body and the mind.
That's because you think, bro.
What?
You think about the people, bro.
Stop, this is how I speak to Louis,
that he understands me.
They, carnal, they fucking understand you.
Mira, you're in there, hey, bro.
Don't let this, hold on.
He's Puerto Rican, not Mexican.
Shut up.
It's a different accent.
Brother, if I got the ice vest on, they're all the same.
Listen to me. You got to be powerful, bro.
Chicano pride.
Don't you do Puerto Rican too?
I don't do that.
You do Puerto Rican girl, like a hot Puerto Rican girl.
Aye!
There it is.
There it is, say no more.
I don't want to fucking cut you!
Yeah, see?
Yeah.
All right.
I love you guys.
Body, brain, coffee. Punch up off. Code word regs. We're just
going to keep on plugging it for the July, month of July. Brought to you by us. Big black
cock. You get a discount in July. We put the Jew in July. Hello. And you put a lie in there too. Hello. Whoa.
Ju-lie.
Realized.
What does that mean?
Realized.
Ju-lies?
Ju-lies.
Wait, wait, wait.
Just said.
That was good.
He's ripping fucking leather over here.
We'll see you guys next time.
Bye.