Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Spreading the Clit

Episode Date: April 1, 2013

Robert is joined by the YKWD core, Dan Soder, Joe List and Kelly Fastuca.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos y no creer olvidanos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos lia. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos lia. Domenaje de Maú, a Madrid.

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Got bird christia and hopefully Gary gum and coming back in a Week from now to redo the whole fucking show It's just too bad. I don't want to put it out and have you guys fucking emailing defecan sans sucks did. So today you're getting a whole new fucking podcast. Spreading the clip. Hilarious funny awesome Joe list, Dan Sodom, myself, Kelly Fistuka. So this is a fucking great show. Thursday special episode Amy Schumer Rachel Feinstein, Eric Rivera, trying to give you these extra Thursday shows. So that's coming out Thursday. Today is spread in the clip with

Soda, Joe List, for Stuka myself, enjoy. Next week I'm redoing the Burke, Chrysher and Gary Gullman podcast. If I can fix it, I'll put it back up if I can't I'm sorry, but I just threw up on my mouth. There's nothing I can do. So I enjoy the show. YKWD Make sure you promote the show subscribe And leave a review on iTunes all the shit you know you need to do use our Amazon link our game fly link and Go to tweaked audio dot com type in dude promo code and get 33% off all your friggin Amazing headphones. So make sure you do that

Go to our shows blah blah blah and you're the show Hey gang. This is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Liri. This is Opie from a lot of things This is Bert Chrysler. Staying cooking you are listening to Robert Kelly's you know what dude? You know what dude If you bippy by if you bippy boo dippy dippy dhya you have a dabba do Dude! This is Robert, tell me you know what dude! You know what I'm doing? Why? Because he's wearing a fucking heart-for-weather shirt. You know what bugs me about the heart-for-weather shirt? What?

Is that you don't even like the heart-for-weather shirt? Yeah, I do. I was conceived there. No, you weren't. Yeah, it was. Not in the Hartford what in the stadium. In the row. All right. His different parents love talking. There's different.

A power play got Trish nice and soft and wet. Our role is really only in sports. We can't hear you. The fucking show. You show off. Yeah, it's on. It's on you. Fucking douche.

Whoa. Oh, talk. Remember last week when you gave me a skull and we do it every time I come in here. You're angry and man, I'm happy to be. who's mad this week. I'm happy to see you Joe I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. I'm peaking. I like that jacket by the way or shirt whatever the shirt Yeah, sure you look like an army general. Great. Thanks man I was actually used as a parachute in the war. Oh

Hey bandana on already now I actually liked it It was a fucking he right out of the gate He comes with a fat joke. I like the shirt though. Yeah, but back it up with a nice fucking fast It wasn't even supposed to be it was supposed to be uh, you know, I was gonna make a general curts reference But really curts curt no curts curt no black you didn't do a general curts. Yeah, that's his younger brother That should be bad and her curts. Yeah, you're genuine fuck That was a stumble. That was a flat tire. I can get it out.

And if I did get it out, it would have been a fucking nice band-daddle. Let me tell you that. Hartford Whale is one of the few professional sports teams with their own theme song. Yeah, what was it? What was it? Bapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapap That's a polka. They hacked that. I'm playing on the organ. It was really gay. And the city steam in Hartford. City steam. Where I'll be some date. They start the show with it and it's stuck in your head all week.

Really? Anyone want some sliced turkey? Have some more. I love some more. Yeah, it's good for you. Hang on, let me pause the podcast while I chew. Oh, shit. Whoa. Come on, Bobby.

Man, I'm trying. Well, you got a slice so fucking thin. Oh Whoa come on Bobby Well, you got it slice so fucking thin. He's got a tiny mouth. I can't have six six chunks of meat I love it. Did you have it paused? That was really no, I mean so does best line of the day Yeah, can you look at my mouth cut it this thin? I use them as their conference He's the only fucking asshole that has the sip is jerky All right, Kelly stay out the mic We came out swinging today, huh? I do want a coffee Kelly. I get a coffee I don't think there's a place on the upper west side

That's coffees in Staten Island. You stick up these stuff. You're fucking waitress Stick up these down. She looks like she's dating a little fucking leasing in a drunk band Kelly are you pregnant She really does have the second week of pregnancy outfit on Kelly. How do you not immediately say are you? I'll help you out. You got a writer now Kelly. I think I think when she gets heavier it fucks up her funny bone She has a funny bone Kelly what's up? How you doing? I like your outfit, by the way, Kelly.

You look good and dark. I just, I had a thing that I'd go just like full face. You look good and dark. Oh, that's a lot of stuff. That's a lot of stuff. Kelly, talking on the microphone, you're fucking stugats. Stugats?

Liz, look good. Where's your thing? Oh, I just tried that. Oh, because she had fucking aides last week, by the way. What? She had almost stripped throat last week. She texted me later in the day, week, by the way. What? She had almost stripped throat last week. She texted me later in the day like, oh, I think I have stripped. Yeah, she did that after the show after she cleaned all the

microphones with her hand. She did. I'm like, what are you doing? I got a pregnant wife, but I felt bad because she was she was just trying to reach out and I apologize because I felt bad for Kelly. You look good, Bobby. I like the black with the shirt. I'm kidding. I couldn't. You're for Kelly. You look good, Bobby. I like the black, but the shirt. I'm kidding. You trying to fuck me? Yeah, you want to fuck it? No, no, no.

You're gonna waste up, though. You're gonna waste down. You got fucking sweatpants on you, George Costanza, huh? Ooh. Trying to get some middle of it. Speaking of pants down, Kelly's showing a mud flattery part of it. You said Bobby look bad from the pants down. I'm gonna take you back.

Back in the back. Yeah. What are those pants? Ooh. I'm gonna take you back. Yeah Pillsberry roll coming out You look like one of those pills very real that like someone half open and put it back And the gas put it back on One day Like to like just be a little bit bigger. I'm trying to get back May I say this so do we hasn't gotten any shit with short sleeves and that dumb big watch You look like you have one of those dumb fucking bracelet. You look dumb Take that watch off of what long sleeves on

Now I'm comfortable and Bobby helped me pick out this watch and I like it's not a bad watch if you have long sleeves on with this The bear sleeve you look like a nine-year-old And Bobby helped me pick out this watch and I like it. It's not a bad watch if you have long sleeves on with this the bare sleeve. You look like a nine year old. No, I think I do. I look like a good swimming with my watch. You didn't have much fat. He has to catch up to that huge head. I lot.

Yeah, you could you could literally put on another hundred pounds. You'd still look alright. It's crazy. You have a big head. Girls think he's hot. They like all the time. I don't see a name. I'll tell you what it is.

16 year olds. I was listening to the show. You have my funny on guy code and shit. I relax you. it. I'll tell you what it is. 16 year olds. I was listening to the show. You're my funny on God code and shit. I relax you. I think I like my hot stuff. Oh my God. Oh my God. Can we applaud? She did another accent. Oh, it's two in the bucket. All right.

God. I hit it. It's so does dumb voice. Is that what it is? I was listening to the glory hole network. And now you were on it. Your voice is just ridiculously sexy. Thank you. That's all I was waiting for.

I'm sorry. There's no insult. There's no. It's just like, wow, this guy's voice. And then you have these, you're, I mean, you're going to listen. Here's the thing. I've been through many stages of beauty. You thing. I've been through many stages of beauty You were I've been through many stages of of fat

I've been up and down and looks in the looks department But the one thing that I'm I have at the end of my life at in my 40s in my early 40s I have great skin. I haven't changed a lot. Yeah, what's gonna happen to you is, as around 36. Okay. You're gonna be, you're gonna be, maybe Patrick Swayze. Yeah, of course. He was just in all the, he was just,

oh my God, he's, oh wow. And then a couple years went by and you went back and this guy fucking going to an age machine. Are you trying to tell Dan that he's gonna die of cancer? Basically, is what I'm saying. No, not a good one that I don't. What are you doing to tell Dan that he's gonna die of cancer? Basically, it's what I'm saying. No, not go with that I don't, what are you doing?

Not that you're gonna die of cancer, but you have one of those California faces that will- Oh, it's gonna go weathered quick. Yeah, you're gonna go weathered quick, Dan. Yeah, you're gonna get pros feed, and then you're gonna get happy fat. You're gonna get fat.

I already got happy fat. Yeah, but it's gonna get worse. As soon as you get a steady, and you're going home every night to a check yeah maybe cook so you go out to dinner yeah you're gonna you're gonna have to be famous then like extremely famous to have people making sure that you are and you don't get too fat lose control yeah that's a problem with me like I never became famous enough I'm gonna need Wranglers yeah let's be on so does famous peak i think yeah this is all i don't think so man i don't i think i think what

soda has in store for him because he's at that age is um he he's a crossbreed he's not the he's not alt he's not a road comic a club comic he's not he's not voices yeah yeah he's he's kind of a little bit of everything. I think he's gonna go a little further. I think he's gonna surpass a lot of people. I think somebody's gonna give him a shot in the next year. And he's gonna take full advantage of it and be very successful.

Thank you, Bob. For six months. I just think that it's all, but not that hot. I disagree completely, but, yeah. Moving on, let's see what you can. I'm just gonna have to find, she's gonna have to find a girl to marry soon, before I go downhill.

Kelly, Kelly, did you write that down when I just said? Get your hands up, my element, I'm just on the bitch. Kelly, literally, is, I'll just tell you some of our fucking Kelly. You're a doctor? No. I wanted to write that down for a nine? That was a very funny thing. It's just that you're not even paying attention.

She, her fucking brain, we need to make Kelly a standup comic. Okay, I understand. I understand. Let me hear me out. Let's build a tie machine first. This is like doing a rape joke. Hang on, just hear me out. Hear me out

Listen, go on into some weird territory listen here. Here is the problem You need a good alcohol. No Kelly needs to because what happens is she gets good on the show She does all the stuff around here that she's you know me and her kind of work together to keep this shit running So you fucking apes can just show up drink coffee and be funny right? Which I appreciate. I mean in a good way. And Kelly does a lot of work, but I have to teach her what to do every week. And what she goes to that stupid job, she gets stressed out.

It wipes her fucking brain clean. And then she comes back in here and it's like, it takes her around 30 minutes to get into it. And she's, what am I to? I mean, she's not even here an hour early anymore. I'm always here earlier than her now. I mean, it's like, I'm fucking fixing shit and doing shit. And then after the show, I'm cleaning and doing shit.

And Kelly, can you, I mean, her brain is fried. I think you're fried. I think you're done. I think you're done. And it's. it is a very toxic I don't know if I need her anymore. Well, all right. Well, that's okay. You were right dad. Told you. Well, that's all right. I mean, you know, sometimes things end and people move on. So that's what happens. All right, taking this very well Yeah, I was gonna get you a box with a plant sticking out so you could walk out of the podcast

I mean, I don't think if we cut to the listeners it would be like Ace for intura 2 when he's leaving They're all doing backflip I'm joking Great movie can you do the internet on by the way? I don't need you to have the internet because I Great movie. Can you turn the internet on by the way? I don't need you to have the internet. Because I don't need... Really? Well, I mean, what have you ever gotten off of the internet? Well, she did get the wrestler that went through the wall last week.

It took her 47 minutes to get it. You literally... You didn't turn the internet on. Literally, it took her fucking... It doesn't matter, you have a phone.'t matter you have fucking you have a phone I mean literally you have a phone and I put you have a million devices you could have tapped me I would have got it quicker Bob. I know you just can you can you find out the name, please? What's up Kelly nothing? What's going on? Hey guys? What's what's what's wrong with you Kelly?

No, nothing. I just came straight from work I literally signed off my last table like 23 minutes ago. I'm not kicking you off the podcast by the way. I'm just joking. I would never do that. What'd you tip out on? Ha ha. But I'm serious.

I didn't have a bus at today, so I had to, I had to bus everything myself. You got to fuck the tie. You got to stop waiting tables. I did. Well, I, I, I, I, what are you going to do? I don't know. I've been looking at stuff, but everyone.

Can we do, can we write her a good half and just keep it on the QT and let her do it? Like Chris Rock did for all his brothers? Can we, I'm kidding. I was like, geez, that happened. Can we, can we get together? Can you, not me, but you guys. We're trying to write the people beneath me.

Can you get together and help her? We have a five half is ten eight. She needs to make money. You can't make money with eight. You do it eight now Eight minutes. Yeah, you need eight. You can make money with it if you're a girl write it down Cali a girl with money with eight a girl with eight minutes is like a fucking Billionaire like 800 no, yeah, we're gonna write you a career, a girl. They just cruise. They. No, Joe, we're very different on our opinions with that stuff because you're not me.

You don't know what it's like. How does she pull the U-N-O? You don't know. I don't know you, though. I have no idea what Joe's world is like. What about you? You're more coke and tacos of Turkey. But you don't know what it's like

when you go to clubs and like, there's a male handshake and there's a girl handshake, right? I don't know your handshake, Dan. I'm talking about the industry. Dan has one of the best things I'm saying. I'm, if you listen, it's what I'm saying. Dan has one of the best handshakes I've ever met.

He's got a great, he knows how to meet someone. It's good to see Trish. Trish has got a great handshake. But he knows how to meet someone, he knows their name and they remember him, because he knows how to, that's not that bad. Okay, but here's the thing with Dan that you don't that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that but you can either try to be, have an opinion and be individual and really fuck that. I don't like that type of person in my life, but you can literally blow people off and how you doing and move on. Unless somebody really fucks with you, are you going to put your

foot down? No, here's the thing. I tend not to, like, unless someone really infuriates me, I won't. I just said that. Yeah, you just repeat unless someone really infuriates me, I won't. I just said that. You just repeat. Well, it was just making me, because there's two ways you can go in this business. You can be, you know, let shit slide off your back. Which is what I do.

Okay, or you can kind of put your foot down, which is a harder way to go. I'm finding myself more and more having a harder time letting shit slide off my back with certain things. Like what? Like I was just telling Joe on the way into the podcast. There's a fan of the podcast who super nice him and his girlfriend always come out to the shows. But he's comfortable enough with me now to send me notes on what he thinks I should be doing.

Is this on Twitter? The reason why I'm doing that. Okay. Yeah. But he's just like, wait a minute, he's sending you notes on like? The reason why I'm doing that. Okay. Yeah. But it's just like, wait a minute, he's setting you notes on like what type of note. This is beautiful. He like sent me and it's from a good place and I know it and I let it. One second, Joe, punch yourself in the face. Have you ever tried an Italian accent? But the guy's like, Hey, man, cut the shit more accents. Like on what? Like just on the podcast and my standup,

like he's like telling me he's like, you know, you need to do this and this and this and I know he's trying to be, he's doing it from a nice place, but then he sent me a message today that was like, hey, on guide code, you need to be doing more accents and I'm like, and then I'm like, still trying to be nice, but I'm still trying to be nice

and I'm like, we wrapped three months ago. Like there's nothing I can do But we can do just nick a Russian accent when you talk like this guy this guy wrote I'm sorry Kelly that I step on your joke that was gonna come But I get like I get what he's trying to talk every other on the podcast Thank you. There you go. I'm trying to get Kelly to fuck it But this guy wrote this today Well, he's a fan of the show, whatever. 45 minutes lecture on fan conduct,

two minutes of Kelly for Stukas, boobies, more Aussie, Aureola, less drunk. Talkers. And I wrote, fuck you. Because it's like, I get it, but you don't get it. Yeah, I get it because people who listen to the show, first of all, you're not gonna love every episode. There's gonna be episodes where you're like,

I'm done. Oh, this fucking cont aggravating me. Oh, I like Dan and I hate Kelly. I hate Bob and I love Joe. And I mean, that just, that means we're doing a good job. Yeah, there's people that are like, I love, you know, Lewis Gomez and they'll be busting on me on.

But here's the deal though, you don't, if you like the podcast as a whole, you have to support everybody on the fucking show. It doesn't matter. You can't just, you can't fucking treat Kelly like shit, you can't, you know, and these, but this, this aspect of it that you're talking about with fans and getting too familiar.

Yeah. Is your fault. It is. Yeah. And it it's almost I should in a nice way be like hey man appreciate it But let me I'm I'm the one in control here. I I'm gonna fucking do what I think is right Yeah, but here's a problem But it's also flattering that he would just even like Joe you know what I've learned about Joe which Which he He's sitting so innocent You sit like you're ready to go see the principal right now hands of Colts of seeing my hands I got nice posture because I'm trying to work on it and I'm excited

Well, what kind of ride home and Nick to put it? They fuck with you about your posture, too Now I'm trying to improve all aspects of my life me too. Yeah Everyone's doing great. You got some kiss. I want to get you Everyone's doing great. You got some kiss. I want to get you. Fine. All right, Sandy. We did.

Now I got to open my M&Ms. You fucked me out. Yeah, yeah. I'm so conscious. I got to eat these like the fucking... You got to eat them from the body. You definitely have to eat them one at a time. It's the only candy he can eat.

And he's just... He scooped the nibblet. Shook it. Shook it. Shook it. Shook it. He can't eat peanut M&Ms. Yeah, they're too big. He has a cut of an half.

He's writing M&M's emails. Why won't you make the peanut one smaller? Chop the peanuts in half before you put them in the M&M. Simple joke from a simple person. He did four. He's getting nuts. He did four, but he can't breathe. So listen, yeah, man, you can get

too familiar with these motherfuckers a little bit, but you know, it's a... I want to know, you learned about me. What I learned about Joe is this, is that he's just his personality is just uncomfortable around fans. He's not the guy that fucking hang out and he gets all fucked up and has to leave and weird. And it's, you know what I mean? Like, we're at Boston, the Wilbur,

I was like, come hang with me. You know, and he had to bail. And I, I'm fine with that because that's who he really is. And he's gonna have fans no matter what. He might not talk to them. He might not. Like the right to them. Right.

You're right, you're right to them. You give me a great email from a fan. How great was that? Greg Norris, I'll say his name. All right. Go ahead. If you can, I'm gonna say everybody's fucking name. I like that Joe's gonna get so awkward. He's gonna start turning into Prince and just performing behind shit. But I love the fans. I love them. I just don't have to talk to people. Yeah. I'm gonna talk to non comedians in general. That's my point is that that's who you are. I mean, that's it. It's your personal. Your personality is, hey, how you doing? My personality

is, I'm, you know, I'm fucking, what the fuck did you say? I mean, I'm trying to be more later in life, though, I was worse when I was younger, when I was your age, I was like, go fuck yourself, your cock sucker, to other comedians. And I didn't really, I didn't take shit from anybody. And it's just a negative, you can get into a very negative place to be. It's just, well, all of a sudden you just don't like anybody. Like every thought you have is like, that guy's a dick,

but that fucking, why didn't that come, fuck it? And all of a sudden you're like, I hate everybody. Shitty place to be. Shitty place to be. But I could never be where you are, where you let,

I just can't let you slide off my back. I try I try and do what Dan does where cuz you he always says that to me like you know Keep your down. Don't talk just let it you know We all want you not to do that That's advice for the Bobby. I was trying to you know actually be pretty subtle about it I thought it really hard when someone's a smart ass to me or or they're being rude not to be a smiley ass back to them But yeah, I think it's like I think where it fucks me up is in the dating world Mm-hmm cuz I just let chicks say shit where I'm like what though and it makes me furious Yeah, and then I just don't say anything cuz I'm corporate Dan

Cuz you're gonna dick though you think I'm with you dick until you don't think we did dick anymore Yeah, but a lot of girls like you. I mean you're know that, I mean, this is what's, you're in what you're fucking in. I mean, you look like a frat dude with dimples. I mean, I mean, seriously, I mean, people, why does Dan, look at him. Talk good looking guy, funny. Let's shit roll off his back. I'm a serial killer.

Yeah, I mean, you are. You have to have fucking bodies in your basement. You really have sick thoughts. I know you do. Boxing dimples. Yeah, look mean you are you have that fucking bodies in your basement. You really have sick thoughts I know you do boxing nipples. Yeah, you look you spent the weekend at my house You jerked off in my shower and you fuck somebody you did that was a trick question You were not a fuck you didn't tell me you do was on a podcast over a year ago Jerk dog joking around about kicking my semen into the fucking all right It's stepping on last week. You say you didn you didn't jerk off no I said I jerked off but you

fucked in my shower too yeah so you fucked and you jerked off in my shower yeah I was there for 10 days you know that as long as you didn't fucking the bed that was not fucking the bed look at me look at me look at me not fucking the bed look at me did not fucking the bitch fuck on the couch upstairs what I'm catching there you stalling motherfucker it's a one better man in New York. Yeah, I'm so I'd have a 10-minute house. I didn't fuck You got head yeah head on my couch Briefly so you're briefly before the shower. Thank God That's the girl

Bobby let me really tell you what happened let me really tell you what happened that is on the couch i got a i got a i got a hey what's up man if you have a check some hang up right now we're on the podcast you're on the show sprints

sprints rotsprints uh... the the owner of rye cast my partner in fucking crime what's up you're on the show what i thought you called me so just calling you back? Well, yeah, I called you Because I couldn't turn a light on but you just shut it off And I was Lori doing who's Lori. Oh, yeah, the chick. Yeah, what's up with that? Does Lori like Dan? I don't know. I saw a little chemistry going on there and the fucking girls why you sucking bed They wanted to fuck Dan too, right? I do? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she

You didn't see that no, yeah, you know what I get I get yeah, we meant Robert They want a fuck they want a fuck Dan. I'm getting I'm I'm getting back in the shape Here's what I'm doing. No, I'm not gonna steal it getting back in the shape. My fucking here's what I'm doing. I'm not going to steal it. No, you're going to get away, but then not use it. Fucking asshole. You're going to throw it away.

I'm going to say you're throwing it away. No, I'm not going to do it. I'm going to get back in the shape. And I'm going to fucking go toe to toe with you, Soda. I'm going to get into shape. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, go ahead.

Yeah, Rob, you in on this? I'm not going to forget the shape part, but I'll watch you guys go toe to toe. You will, you fucking hom homo wouldn't you? Now yeah The one you were making the shake I looked at your face. I was like oh you lost a little weight Well, here's a deal. It's been today three weeks no carbohydrates No sugars. I haven't had any sugars. I still I have fruits. I had a fruits back in but no Certain fruits not every fucking fruit

But no, I'm not doing any more sugars. No coax. No, I mean the shit do anything Joe list eats. I'm not eating Yeah, did you have to get famous just to get dental so you fucking teeth don't fall off But no Joe's Joe list is doing great, too. He's what is it? What what's going on? I'll be 90 days Thursday 90 days Thursday and he's quitting cobahydrates. I'm trying nice Yeah, I heard that too. I heard that both Dan and Joe completely stop drinking Well one of them dead I did that both Dan and Joe completely stop drinking. Well, one of them did. I did. Use quick drinking. 24 days. You quit drinking. Quick drink. Are you done for good? You're done drinking. All Joe all the time. Really? I didn't know that. Yeah. 24 days. Well, because Joe's at 90 and it's like, I want. I'm at 28 years. Yeah, but I want

to, I still talk to Joe. I'm ready. It's 60 because I've done the, I've been the boy who cries wolf so many times. This is your problem right now. You ready? Yeah. One day. Don't do the you. I'm gonna get 60 because I've done that I've been the boy who cries wolf so many times This is your problem right now. You ready? Yeah one day Don't do this 60. I want to get this I want to get no, I know but I'm not bringing it up until I'm Farther along then you know you need to bring it up now You need to be proud of this day today's 24 days you need to be proud of that You need to fucking be like this is insane. Yeah, cuz if you use the month because yeah, you got to you got to fuck the month right now I'm telling you you really got to live I feel great in the day. You know, I mean, that's great That's great. I talk about it all the time. That's awesome and I'm very proud

So yeah, this this podcast is gonna get fucking unfunny real quick I'll defend the word savior Jesus Christ. Yeah There goes the drunk podcast. I should have did it when these fucking Alkeys with full blown. Oh, you would have had a Well, I'll still come there. It's I'll still come with smoke weed. I'll stand by my way. We do a weed podcast now We're gonna yeah, that's good. No I got your list so fuck up on gore Oh, he was stolen and drunk the whole time. I don't even know if you remember I was out of my mind

I was trying to remember I remember being there remember there was a couple of colored kids and what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what do you got what are you calling for buddy? He's calling you back No, I got the lights on and it's literally fitting because it looks like a halo above fucking Dan I can't fuck up in this business. So everybody loves me fucking head It does you have a corporation on it. It does. You have a corporation? Halo ink. Is it really?

Not a corporation, yeah. I don't make enough money. Yeah, you do. We know how much you make it. I don't know much. Yeah, we do. I got a good idea. I'm good.

Are you out of your mind? Shall I work it right now? You can make $30,000 in being a corporate. Yeah, let's get it. Yeah. Be monster voice ink. Can we? Yeah, dude. Let's get an corporation for you. Okay, okay, how they work out what he makes I would think I would think I you I used to have everything

Yeah, I like that down downhill sliding almost almost made it in I think corporate dance funny my dad and me it no I stopped I stopped, I stopped. Dad and I would be reunited in 12 to 15 years, cancer. Whoa. If I didn't put the cancer in, it probably would've been fine, right? Yeah, stop knocking on wood. I'm scared, I was actually, oh, in the 15 years,

I'm talking like eight. Whoa, guys. It's not getting into this, because on one podcast, Deroza, over two, about a year and a half ago the roza said i was going to be in a very bad accident all jesus uh... that's that's what you would have a sense how do you remember this is that because i know joe's slimy fingers pointing me going he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he You did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did you second bed? Wow, you didn't read one of them What's up?

Boy from the cap from them. It was a tweet. I don't know dude one of them wanted to fuck you Everybody wants to fuck you dude who cares? I hate that he acts like he doesn't know that that's part of it But do you understand but that little old me? That means Kelly wants I would love to see I think Laura I think Laura was thinking you though I would love to see Dan with Kelly in like the closet like a roadhouse They're fucking tight tight jeans and just pulled down to her thigh because she can't get them faster For meaty oscabs

I don't really think you're going to get cancer. All right, Rob. Hi, buddy. I'm going to get asked cancer. I'm going to see Rob. All right, go back to work, your mother fucker. Yeah, yeah. Make me rich, will you? Hey, so we got the new lights coming in, right?

I know. It's going to be like a fucking gay bad house of all lights over there. Woohoo! Yeah, yeah. That we're talking about speed. Now we're just going to do. We're just gonna do nighttime show What's that oh

Rob Yes, um, let me ask you one more question the girls why you suck in bed show. What's the girls names again? I know you're gonna hang out I'm really worried about cancer because I'm gonna get colon cancer. That's why I'm doing all this detox. What did you say? I'm gonna get colon cancer. I heard you I'm gonna I've been eating I've eaten cheese in every meal I've ever had in my life bread Pound of macaroni and cheese. I take like little dart pencil thin shit You know what I got that's helping me out a lot Silium and that didn't mean that to fucking rhyme Yeah, you did. I didn't I swear to God I know I got to house me out a lot I've never wanted to pinch your tip. I really want to mush it into my hand

I'm gonna feel a rib through a boob. I got the Nutri Bullets fucking amazing. What's the Nutri Bull? The vibrator? No I vibrate my asshole If you ever get it you know what they do use for, if you lose your voice is a vibrators. They get vibrators and you put like oils on them and you vibrate your throat and it relaxes your throat. Is that crazy? Yeah, no.

So what's the Nutri-Bullet? Nutri-Bullet is a little blender. It has 600 fucking something Force power something crazy, but what happens is as you can put K.O. lettuce Qcombers fruits inside of it it blends it into a Insane drink not a smoothie with the chunks. It's like a juicer It's a juicer, but without all the cleanup. You don't have to, you don't have to,

what is that? It's all that shit. What's that cost, man? 120. That's it? On Amazon, I got it, I got it around a month ago. I started, it helped me out a lot using it with the, with the, you know, the diet I was on,

no carbs and no sugars. It, that was like quitting smoking, guys. It was as hard as quitting smoking was a year and a half ago, which is for me a year Graduation unbelievable, but it was it's still tough. It's just like what the fuck? You know, it's weird. It's weird for me to think about when you used to smoke because I remember when I opened for you for the first Time at Delhi. Yeah, and we were driving back to the city and we were just rip in cigarettes It was like one after the other Crazy And we were driving back to the city and we were just ripping cigarettes. I know, dude. It was like one after the other. Yeah, it was crazy. I knew it.

You yelling about my uncle. It was the first time I ever like really hung out with you. And I told you about how my uncle and I didn't have a good relationship for so long. And you're like, fucking dead. You just fucking tee an off on him. And I'm like, I mean, I know he's on my side, but I'm terrified right now. It was crazy. He talking about you smoking.

I swear to God, I'm not making this up. Just a reminder to me, I had a dream last night that you started smoking again. And I had to... You banged that pussy. No, man. We were waiting in line at a CVS and you were buying. Yeah.

This is the grossest, I don't want to look at this. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, what I tell you about fucking coffee. You're pussy's fucking mad, what did I do? I don't know why you said mad, what I tell you about fucking coffee. Your pussy's fucking mad, what dude? I don't know why you're saying mad, what, you don't say that. Even though you're fucking me, it's gross. Like, yeah, poopy, yeah, poopy. I just think my dick would smell really weird

after fucking Kelly. Like, Vegemite. No, it's. Faggimite. No, I like that he did the old-timey broadcaster. The true! The true? It was funny because the truth, the nickname the truth got brought up last night at the

table at the seller and it was a little awkward because Joe is telling a story about how someone yelled out truth and then Goldman goes truth. What is truth? And then Joe just went right over it. So anyway, sad, the show, it was funny not explaining his nickname. It's a nice nickname, I appreciate it. It's a lot to live up to. Look, man, this, you don't want to fucking get a smashing at the table. The seller, because you have a nickname. I know. I know. Yes, but Phil Hanley. I buddy. Phil's no doing that.

I can't do this. Does no doing that. Phil Hanley goes, uh, hey, man, what's the, what's the new bit? You said you did it. I texted him like, I'm like, I did a new bit that worked. He's like, what's the new bit? I'm like, I'm not just telling my new bit that worked he's like what's the new bit I'm like I'm not just telling my new bit I was sitting here at the table fucking ostracized it's a great bit though. Um what is the best feeling on here now. Don't even worry about it. Don't even worry about it. Don't worry bro.

I was I did a I wrote a cancer bit. Did you try to make an honor of Sutter? Guys, you're trying it out on him Not cool. I did a cancer benefit last week, which yeah, that was that was a great show. I did a canker benefit people that had bit the side of their mouth I don't know why there's no way I was not like that. That's a classic That was a boy. That was a fun show That was like the first comedy show I went walk each time that band down around your forehead like an Indian

I don't think it fits. What's happening wasn't falling down? Stain in 78. I did it. I had a bit I'm gonna get back to two things because we're getting very fucking off the topic and people listening go What about the new triple it some fat truck truck driver going, do what is it? Help me out. I made it. I'm shitting darts too. I wanted to, it's so hard to do it on stage though,

where I was like, it's like the benefits, the pro, you get cancer, but I'm already bald. I'm already bald and depressed, but what do you think, but those people get to eat pancakes and they have a foundation that gives them wishes So I don't mind it. I'll get cancer Yeah, that wouldn't work If it's a joke that you do in your act you should have wear the band-in over your face

I know I don't do it, man. I was. If it's a joke that you do in your act, you should have to wear the band-in over your face. I don't do it, man. I was trying to come up with it. It struck me as funny because I'm looking like, were you trying to write a bit on the podcast? No, no, no, no. I actually told Paul this when I did the, I was like, dude, what about this video?

It was like, no, I wouldn't do that. No, not a cancer benefit. Can't weigh it, though. It was a great show. You think? The audience was tight. The audience was real tight. But I mean, the lineup, it was the first comedy show I've just went and watched a great show. You think? The audience was tight. The audience was real tight. But I mean, the lineup, it was the first comedy show

I've just went and watched a long time. Well, I think it didn't start out rough. Start out rough. Why? And then you started getting them good. Why? Why did it start out rough? Yeah, like why would I tie it?

No, why don't start out rough? Yeah. Well, there's a comedian that went first that I don't think he did too well. What's his name? Eddie. Eddie. Oh yeah, Eddie, who was it?

What's his last name? You're not gonna trap me, I'm corporate Dan! It's a name! I got all the locks now. But then Michael Chey had a good set. They put Michael Chey up? Yeah. When?

Second. He was on second. No, I was Norton and Chey. And the audience was still tight. Like Norton was murdering and then they just clamp up real quick. and second he was on second now is norton and che and the audience was still tight like norton was murdering and then they just clamp up real quick same thing with you you started murdering and then they'd clamp up like you would have fun and then all of a sudden they get real tight and and even this is the show you were telling me I think it was a bunch of you bombed you said you say a bomb I mean that's did you say a bomb Joe come on just that one or is that a different one? It was the different one. I'm glad he's telling the truth. He told me a few so I don't know which one was it he said there was three or four

Which one? It was like everyone that I see the Here's the thing with that room too, and they're figuring it out the new comedy seller the old job. Oh yeah Hang on pause this. I'm going back to the new trouble at God damn it Okay, this fucking thing if you're trying to lose weight, and especially on the road as a comic, you gotta go to the grocery store. You gotta buy a road? Yeah, it's this big.

I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna get it today. Yeah. And what you do, you can throw, I get kale, I get flax seeds, which is fucking crazy for you calling. I put that in everything. Right? Ground flax seeds. But you should grind them. I've ground flax seeds it you got a yeah, you can't just have flexes

So you can buy ground by ground flexed well you can but you can and you don't need to if you get this thing You grind it for you. Oh, okay, so you get spinach kale cucumber a pear an apple blah blah blah some Some flexed carrots put it all in there. The only thing is, is I would, with cucumbers, I would skin it, I wouldn't put that fucking heavy skin in it. That's the best part of a cucumber.

No, it isn't. It is. Actually, it's not. The skin isn't the actual cucumber is. No, no, no, you're wrong. That's all water. Yeah, I know, but it gives a lot of skin. Is all the antioxidants. That's the rough edge that makes you regular. Yeah, well,, but it gives a lot of... Ginn is all the antioxidants.

That's the rough edge that makes you regular. Yeah, well no, you're fine without it. Trust you, you don't have to take it off fully. I take off just the the heavy layer. I just don't like it. You can do it, it grinds it up and you can drink it. I don't like it. I like the taste of the cucumber and you are getting

fucking nutrients from the cucumbers. It's not just water. There's a lot of nutrients in cucumbers, but the taste of it is just it hydrates your mouth cucumber Hydrates the fuck out of your mouth. Yeah And you get it one minute under a minute and you drink it right out of the cup wash the cup you've done really I'm gonna get one today. It's the best done. It's the best like I'll go home today and have one I'll just I'll grab I have spinach kale I have all the shit. I just put it in, boom, boom, boom. Carrots, apples.

Whatever, yeah, throw it in, and then I drink it. Done. I'm getting one. Boom. Let's go through the ingredients of third time. Spinach, kale, apples. Yeah. It's a setup, it's a trick.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. I'm gonna get one of those for sure. This is gonna be the gayest, zenest, faggiest, thinnest podcast. You know what though? You know what though? It's gonna be 20 minutes long. It's gonna be 20 minutes long.

We all show up and hug each other. It's so funny though, I've been hearing a lot, I've been listening to a lot of podcasts and I don't give a fuck anymore. You know, there's this fucking, I think people, I think people are interested in conversation about shit like this. I mean, I'm sick of, there's almost as negative, but Bobby, as far as comedy as an art form, what motivates you? I wanted to hear more of what you were saying.

I appreciate that. I liked that, but I went, oh boy. I was jargon. Yeah, I was just letting him fucking fizzle out with his character. But I had you had a good thought. I liked your thought. I wasn't that bad because I said the cancer things

and everything I say, I feel bad about it. So that's what you do. That's what you do. That step one to be a corporate dan you make them feel bad so they want to do good things for you. I feel bad that he thinks knocking on wood is gonna prevent his dumb smokey fast food fat body. I'm fending sick.

Ah. Subway is not fast food. Ah. That's such a great point. You're not gonna fucking shitty table that I got in the basement of the Communist Seller and that's gonna prevent you from dying of cancer. Well, I hope it does.

You can just get the vibrator. Well, we're making fun of Dan though. It's just that you've got really bad posture. Why are you? I was thought, You never make fun of deros of having no shoulders, but you're... I lost my shoulders.

Yeah, we're very slanting. I lost my shoulders. Yeah, but I don't like them. Because I stopped working out., but you're... I have shoulders. I lost my shoulders. I lost my shoulders. Yeah, but I don't like it. I don't like it. Because I stopped working out. How are you comparing Derosa's shoulders to those shoulders? She's a solitary man. No, no, no.

You're not going to understand. Kelly's got Eastern German Olympic fucking shoulders. Sam Morales shoulders. She walks in and she's like, what's your line between the hips? Sam Morales. Here's your thing. Kevin McCale. Kevin McCale's shoulders suck. The greatHale. Kevin McHale's shoulder is suck.

The right shoulder is suck. Oh, that's sick. My point was, is that I think that at this stage of the game, if there's one thing I've learned is that you gotta have some positivity around you. You gotta have some, you gotta have good people around you that, you gotta laugh. You gotta have a good time and it's not all about fucking hurting people's feelings and being a dickhead, and making people feel like shit at the expense of a fucking laugh or a couple of fans. I don't, I don't, you know, I've been, the more I've been learning about, I would rather have fans that are cool and positive and fun, and then fucking you know I don't Do you such a faggot what why would you soften up you get soft?

Yeah, I mean look I'm not do believe it or not It's still have to fight sucking a traini's cock and I want pizza every second of the day And I'd love to fucking be a blow off a hooker's ass hole and I still you know name it come to full pizza I love that I just ran these cock as your number one Why can't I have it? Yeah, it's it's I don't under I mean I was still evil was still fucked up But I I think the people I want around me a positive. I mean good people. I don't want bad people around me Dude, it's not fucking worth it. Listen I read a friend's birthday party and This girl is just being awful and Joe just walked away and I saw Joe later and he's like, yeah, just,

I just walk away from people that are making me bummed out. That's what sobriety has done for me. I don't spend time with people I don't enjoy. Well, here's your thing, Joe calls me up and tells me, you know, you called me yesterday and he's like, dude, he just tells me all this great shit that's going on in his life. And I'm like, dude, that's fucking,

it made me feel good. I was like, I went and great shit that's going on in his life. And I'm like, dude, that's fucking, and it made me feel good. I was like, I went and did shit that day. Your brain gets in, it's a choice you make. You can literally choose to smile on that smile. And how gay that is. I give that, but it's just great that you said that. I like to use that. How gay that sounds, but it's true.

And it's like you can have a shit day and fucking get all fucked up and hate everybody. And then he called me yesterday how happy is in his life with these little simple things that he's doing. And it's like, shit, me too. I'm fucking happy too. I'm feeling the same. But, are you feeling everything for the first time

as well because you haven't been drunk in three months? So now you're really feeling like true happiness. The pride. It's great. Yeah, that is great. I love it I love that he's going through this. I love that he's so The best meditating a lot too. How you meant it? Well, that's Masubading okay, you pick it up

Tighten this thing up here. Yeah, is your screwdriver Kelly No, I stopped drinking hello Orange you send vodka. Yeah, get a knife. Get a butt a knife. I love that Kelly stress like she's dating a mechanic. Well guys, we're gonna do a butter face getting a butter knife. All right. Can you go give me a cup of coffee too? Milk and sugar please. Yeah. Here, give me my... There's a look like a mechanic's daughter, like the one.

Dad, I want to be a mechanic. Hey, did you put that toy old up on the You here get out give you my looks like a mechanics daughter like the one Dad I want to be a kid you put that toy on up on the lift Kelly Where you going you really leaving oh No, I'll get a coffee up in the show. I love the dan just turned into a fucking dick And then he shut it down when he realized Kelly wasn't having I'm going downstairs to get a one someone mine and put sugar in it Yeah, you can you can make it lighten. So we have sweetener and stuff. I'll give you your coffee.

I don't want to take it. All right, let me see that too. Can I have it? Yeah, yeah. All right, so guys, I mean, I don't... I was, I had burnt Kreischer. Oh my, you want to talk about a man that I just constantly want to hug.

But I was talking to him. I was on his show. He came here and did his show. Yeah. And Bert is one of those guys. He was just like, I was constantly want to hug. But I was talking to him, I was on his show, he came here and did his show. Yeah. And Bert is one of those guys. He was just like, I was locked, I didn't want to leave, I was locked in. Yeah, he's a great guy.

But he was talking about like, he's on desk-quad with Rogan and those guys. You know, and he was talking about like, yeah, he was just like, yeah, I mean, we just want to be happy and be cool and have cool people around. And I was like, yeah, what the fuck, why? Why do I want fucking miserable people around me? Yeah.

What the fuck? What concept is that? When did that become fucking okay? I think because you start questioning your loyalty if they're shitty, you're like, am I not a loyal friend? Cause they're down and out, but then you realize they're just fucking miserable people.

Yeah. Cause there's a bunch of people I know that I can call and they'll just bitch for 20 minutes while we're on the phone about stuff. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, look, I get the bitch in, I get all that horseshit, but it's like, like I was bitching the other day to my manager,

and my Jesus Christ, that's all I do to this guy, is complain and fucking bitching and this, and I'm like, I'm done. Fuck it It is what it is you're where you you are what you are get me some spinach. I mean You have to be happy with the what you know what are you gonna do? Yeah, and there I have no room to bitch at all. I can't be negative at all Yeah, you can't nobody nobody show business jobs in New York nobody expects room to bitch at all. I can't be negative at all. But yeah, you can't, nobody, nobody. We can't show business jobs in New York.

Nobody expects you to bitch, because you're just fucking, I don't know who touched you. Uh, but Joe, I mean, me and you. Yeah, yeah. Is that a tough go over, you know, but you know. You know what's really helped me? More than anything, Alan.

Therapy has helped me. Here's the thing though, people, shit on therapy. Why, it's unbelievable. It's awesome. Because they think that you should be man enough to, let me just finish before you fucking step on me, Soda. Sorry. I was gonna lose.

Ha ha ha. They think that it's not manly. It's not, you should be able to handle you. So you should be able to fix yourself. And, you know, first of all, I don't think therapy is you, someone else fixing you, it's absolutely not. My theory on therapy is this, you're going somewhere once a week where you can be completely 100% transparent with another human being where it won't affect your life. You can't do that with your friends, You can't do that with your friends,

you can't do that with your wife or your mom and dad, because they will remember something that you said, or they will always have that. That will be there. With a therapist, I can go, my wife, I wanna punch my wife in the fucking face, or I thought about fucking, you know, this broad that I, you know,

I mean, you can say that shit. You know, with your friends, I can't fucking, you know, this broad that I, I mean, you can say that shit. You know, with your friends, I can't go to you and let you in on the deepest darkest things because you might get freaked out. You might not take it right. Or when we get into a fight, which you do, if your friends, they'll remember what the fuck you said.

And human nature is they'll use it again. You told me once that you, you do that, and then you did it to a fuck you. You can't, so you need a place to go to philosophize. That's all it is. You're philosophizing with another human being and teaching yourself through that dude that's bouncing back at you.

You're teaching yourself how to be a better person. Well not only that, but sometimes he holds up a mirror to you that you don't see shit that you probably should be seeing. The thing I like about therapy is I did that thing where I was like, I'm tough, fuck this, I'm never going to therapy. And then I realized that I just became a rabid alcoholic

because I was drinking instead of dealing with my issues. Yeah. And then I went in and then the first thing he said to me is he's like, you're an alcoholic, you need to stop. You need to start letting this pain into your life Right, and he was like look at me like you have he's like you fucking held off on feeling a lot of shit for a long time Right, and he's like quit drinking first and I think it's a personal thing to I think some people don't some people can just stop Yeah, well make those decisions and good for you God bless you if you can I'm not one of those people

Yeah, that's that's the biggest thing I had to learn I'm not the if you can. I'm not one of those people. Yeah, well, that's the biggest thing I had to learn. I'm not, I had to learn I'm not one of those people. Yeah. I was trying to be one of those people my whole life. Yannis was the first person ever. He came up to me one night when I was drunk in his room in Brooklyn. He's like, you need to go to therapy, man.

He's like, go to therapy. And he gave me Allen's number. He was the one that got me in. Right. And I started going, love him. It's like a pussy. What, let me say. Yeah was the one that got me in. Right. Then I started going, love him. Looks like a pussy. What, let me say. Yeah.

That's a beefy pussy. You see, the innocent hint where that is, the Joe can't. Can't do it. Yeah, what's up with you, Joe? What do you mean? You don't like the conversation? Fair Boston. No, I was opening up a M&M's bag and it looked like a vagina.

Do you not believe in therapy, Joe? I believe in therapy. I went to therapy. When I was having a really horrible butt with panic attacks. Yeah. And I went to therapy. I can't really afford it now, but really good. What do you mean you can't afford it? Alan works on a sliding scale.

Yeah, I heard about that. And then, you know what, I feel like it's a, this is gonna sound crazy. It feels hacky to go to Alan now. Everyone's doing it. That's like, I'm just another guy that's doing it. Once it like, nine other people are doing it. That's like I'm just another guy that's doing it once to like nine other people are doing it I'm like, yeah, here's the thing

I'm fixing myself with that bag of ways just making it The thing I like about other people going to Alan is I can talk to other people about Alan Rachel fine-stein And I were talking and she's like does he just agree with everything you say? I was like no, he calls me a pussy every week. You need to stop being a pussy. You need to, I like talking to other people about my therapist. Yeah, because you get it. I don't think it's, I don't think it's,

I don't think it's hacked to go to a guy like that. I think it's actually, I understand what you're saying, but it's actually, you gotta understand, he knows what comics go through. He understands the road, understands the business, that a regular therapist isn't gonna understand. They're dealing with squares all the time. There's certain aspects to this business, comedy,

specifically, and I will ununciate specifically. So that he knows, but I don't think it's, I don't think it's fucking unmannedly to go to therapy. I love therapy. I'm mainly to not work through it's, I don't think it's fucking unmannedly to go to fair. I love fairly. I'm manly, it'll not work through your problems. You know what's really fun about therapy is when you talk to your therapist who sees a lot of comics and you talk about someone that's been making your life

really shitty and they know who you're talking about because other people that go to them have spoken about that particular person that you're talking about. Well, I mean, now they're just breaking confidentiality. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. I don't think that's responsible at all. In fact, I'm stuck going to her. I actually get really mad when somebody shows up at therapy early, because they're right outside

that door. And they can hear, and I get, fuck it, this is a guy that shows up half hour early. And I told Alan, I was like, dude, I'm telling you, either you're gonna say something, or I'm gonna fucking say some And he's like are you serious? I go fuck yeah, I go why the fuck I don't care if he's got ear buds on Yeah, I don't care what the fuck I don't I know he's fucking not listening to what the fuck I'm saying

Cuz he's some he's a crazy mother fuck. He's here. It's not like he's fucking got his shit together I go I go either you're saying something or I'm saying something and he goes I'll say something He got up he goes can you please come back and around and oh around 30 you know 25 minutes like five minutes And he had to leave fuck you this isn't a bust station. This isn't a library. You don't get to just sit in the fucking hallway Well, I'm in there now. I'm you're in my head. You fucking weird out. You know, it pisses me off more than that What when they run the light in the session before me? Oh, yeah Well, they don't run it that much do they? Oh this chick one time ran it by seven minutes. Oh, I would have knocked on the fucking door

I made Alan stay for an extra seven minutes good for you. He goes all right. I think I go no I made a rope and I go she left at this time and he's like you know what I'm glad you're Okay, you know what I do I take my fun. I always bring a coffee in the front of his clock I put it as soon as I was because I caught him looking at that fucking clock and I put it right I put it right in front of it So now he can't watch the time sucka you get a listen to me and it might never end You know what I like doing the best of them is sometimes all shit on him if we don't have a good session Yeah, like at the end of session. I go what's up, man? We weren't jamming today

Yeah, I don't know I go you know the hits dad sister moms alcoholism. We didn't play any of the hits Right, but you know what I made him change rooms. What the one with the Elcouch I don't I don't go on the fucking shit antique room with the fucking no window. I go into the Yeah, the Elcouch with the light Yeah, I'm in the Elcouch now I. We were in the other room for a year. I said, I want the other room. I want the light room. I want with the good vibes.

I want in there. The next time we're in there, I cry. We opened up. I go, this is a bit, I'm literally crying. This is a better room. It helps me. See, I like the windowless room because that's my fucking sweaty damp gym.

I get in there and I cry it out. Now, that's your soul. Just shut down windowless. Yeah, well, I also live in a and I cry it out. Now that's your soul, just shut down, windalous. Yeah, well I also live in a world of roots. What do you in damp? Guys, stop it with my soul. Cause someday, I really, I really, it's gonna like my soul.

And this, doork, no. I can't wait for you to have to be on your own. What do you mean? You're just gonna be out there on your own someday. You're gonna be busy doing your own. You scared shitless. Yeah, you just be no more podcasts. No, why? What do you guys say? It's because you're gonna be busy Not because nobody kicks you off relax. Stop fucking fake going

Like I do freak out about that. Now you don't how do you know that because I know you don't you don't yeah, you do this This podcast makes me very happy. Oh God It's very corporate isn't it? No, I'm not I'm not fucking corporate being honest. I know he's being honest I was bummed out when I missed like three weeks in a row Dangerous saying what I said to him on the train now. I do parent some stuff My name is Joe list. I'll blink a lot when I say it Academy Hey check this out everybody. All right. Here we go

You mad at me? You love me? Oh, hey, check this out everybody. Hey, alright, here we go. Speaking of Incorporated, that needs to be Joe's I.N.C. You mad at me, I.N.C. What is it? Oh, there she blows. Ah, let me have one.

Comedianjoulist.com. Are you mad at me? That's funny. Oh my god. I can't give out too many because I only have a cloud. I like it. JoeList, website, Facebook, Twitter. Yeah, they're for fans.

Yeah, I know the head show You selling real estate If we need a two bedroom in the area, what did you take this photo at a meeting? It's a minute time. It does look like an a meeting doesn't it? Yeah, I'd ever seen a comedy club with folding metal chairs It is very a very a very good-ass fighter fucking unbelievable anyways, all right enough for the fucking mushy pussy Yeah, fuck that shit. You're a bunch of homos. We're gonna go fuck yourself. Why would you even say that you fucking asshole? I mean I'm freaking out I'm a hyperconjure I always freak out. I think I have cancer I think I have fucking ask cancer. Why cuz I shit

What am I shit and properly I fucking push and it's nothing there my I think I have a tiny asshole Was it like that's how you now comes out that's how crazy That's my my diets create like I'm unhealthy. Joe. Do you believe when you shit? No, I don't believe nothing comes out when I shit Well, that's all right bleeding My pipes are all fucking Well, that's all right. I'm bleeding. It felt like my pipes are all fucking taped.

There's like, spackle, I might get it. But I took this, a sillium husk and some blueberry detox and I'm eating some smoothies and some oatmeal. I've had no fiber in my life. You should get the, the Nutribullet. No, it's all the way. That's what I'm getting. I wake up and I take a sip of coffee or a water

and I shit every fucking day. That doesn't sound good. I shit one or two, three times a day now. That's what I had yes they had a whole Nutritional session. Joe you know what you need to do is what I did is I used to take when I was scared about that I used to take pictures of my shits and text them to Chris de Stefano Because he can tell you if your shits are gonna. Yeah, he's a therapist. Yeah, no, it's got his he's got his doctorate He's in medicine

Look man, you know, see that, or be a comic. I'm sick of him being fucking worldly. Yeah, he's traveling. He's gonna be riding his journals. And then he's just fucking checks. Douchberg's gonna have a fucking best seller someday. I mean, you want to talk about a good looking guy. Yeah, wow, that's not.

He's good looking like fucking Titus. You know, Chris Titus is a good looking person. He's all right, he's not, he's all right. He's fixed stuff like cars. No, you know, really, you know,, really made me laugh and I'll admit this on the show right now. Who? I laughed at the Whitney show. Chris D'Lia. Chris D'Lia, yeah. I'm like, man, I knew him from LA. I don't really know the guy at all. I don't really know him. I know him. I met him a few times at the laugh factory. Nice guy. Fun. He made me that, I really, I never watched that show. He's a funny guy. I know he is. I open for him at Caroline. What's going on?

She was laughing because I, what's going on? Corporate. Kelly, what's, You talked to him, he's corporate-ness, because you were like, I'm never really knowing him. He's like, yeah, nice guy. Like, just try to go corporate.

Do you not like? Did he fuck you? Did he do something? He was like, super nice. Oh, before the care lines, he was on Conan the same night I was. He was super nice that night. Right.

Good guy. I was just like, left. And then I went to his vine, and he does this thing, where he takes his vine, and he gets as close as he can to someone's head, or somebody, and then he pulls the camera

and goes, I bet you can't get that close. It's this creepy, weird fucking thing that he does. And it's just dude sitting there, like it's fucking coffee bean. And he shows the guy and then he's, it's just this close up shot of something and he pulls away into the guy's neck. And then he pulls, he goes,

I bet you can't get that close. And then he has this one fucked up eyebrow that just goes up and is stupid like awkwardly. He's very funny man. He was a, his vine is him and Will Sassos. Will Sassos, holy shit, the lemons and everything else that he does. Will Sassos grape and Rick, but,

Chris D'Alea, is that a thing? Yeah, Chris D'Alea. Finds the best. Do you own vine? He's got some great vines. Oh, the creep people are sending me Joe list vine that's creep me out where it's yeah, the sex one, but he was really doing like, you know, black things in your bed. Oh, God, good ones. I've done them on my girlfriend's thing. Uh,

Stala Marsh. We did a bunch. We try to make it so it's our joint thing, but I got to get a vine man. I got to get a fun. I got to get a vine. Did you look at our cat one? That's the best one. Yeah, cat one is a little guy. You think I should get a vine man I gotta get a fun I gotta get a vine You look at our cat one that's the best one yeah, one is very well. You think I should get a vine Of course you should right yeah, yeah, yeah, what you said? I'm a vine right do I do have a vine Joe. I don't look at anyone else's vine I'm not on that one Dan my girlfriend's on vine I'm with you on the bike and you and you wrote for past the whole way With the bike and you wrote for it past the whole way. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, with the bike. Suck it.

What are they called? She's not a suck up. She's actually a friend. I don't go on vine. I watched his because he told me to watch. You're just telling how good will Sasso will, though. Because if someone put it on his face. He's never even seen it.

He's being corporate. I seen Will Sasso. He doesn't know. He doesn't know who the fuck Will Sasso is. He doesn't know who the fuck Will Sasso is. He doesn't know who the fuck Will Sasso is. From Man TV. Does unbelievable impressions of wrestlers. That's how I know and the woman thing was on Facebook and I looked yours up on

Sarah's god damn it. Don't you make me not go corporate? I got you will not like me when I'm not corporate love eyes I'm a real cock sucker when I'm not everyone everyone expect to have hired in the mail from Dan for this With Volotea, the region of Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, lincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Aumurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com dates for this month we can come see me live at a comedy club near you. April 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th I'm going to be at the House of Comedy in Bloomington, Minnesota. Last time

I was there I was in the parking lot at 2 in the morning waiting for a shuttle bus in a fucking snow storm after I had to kick two guys out that could beat the shit out of me. So hopefully we have a better time this year. Hurrah. 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, House of Comedy, Bloomington, Minnesota. Great club, great owners. So if you're in the area, spread the word.

April 13th, the Comedy Shop, Rockaway, New Jersey. One night, and one night only. I'm trying to get this on the schedule for a while. I'm psyched to be playing Jersey, one of my favorite, if not favorite place to play, because you guys always come out in fucking droves to support my shows. April 13th, the comedy shop, a Rockaway, New Jersey.

For the rest of my dates, go to robbercallylive.com, hit the tour button, get my app on iTunes, it's free, and you can get all my tour dates when I'm coming in. The app is cool too, if you have an iPhone, you just turn the app on and if I'm within 100 miles of you, it will automatically tell you and give you an option to buy tickets, fucker. So make sure you check me out, go to my website, and find out when I'm coming to your area, get all your friends and family members, and get some people you don't like,

and head on over to my fucking show. Thank you for being my friend. But there will be a point, Dan, where you'll be done with this. I mean, you'll be doing your own thing. I just, Andy Henderson did a great vine last night. You just see it. It's William Stevenson's bringing them up at the seller Yeah, it's amazing vine It's him like walking up getting introduced introduced and it comes off as he gets to the mic. It's like a it's a great vine Wow, especially for all of you. I'm gonna check it out. Well, I will we got a new segment right now

What's your vine Joe by the way? I want to I want to put my girlfriends what we've kind of been doing together Stella STO LLEM AXC H e Stella much. Well, I don't have a I don't have an iPhone well, whatever dude And I just had a one for the podcast. Why can't every day did podcast? All right, great. I'm Anyways, I'm really I hated vine when it first came out out but you know what then you're not even a fucking internet guy you're gonna be you have to become very successful because you need somebody to do all that chiffi o i just i know you know what it honestly is i don't think i'm not good at twitter

i'm not good at vine keep going i'm not a comedy acting comedy at friendship uh... especially friendship being a son sex uh... being an american Comedy friendship especially friendship being a son sex Being an American that being real

Being a fan of anything Is that you Joe? I'm good at very good nothing. I'm gonna stop you there Dan I'm good at now, and I'm gonna stand up here. They're all not one mate. Yeah, good sleep. Yeah, you're really not good at the internet at all I don't want to be okay I'm sorry, don't you? I don't want to be good at the internet. Oh shit What the hell happened who did oh god, all right well, I just built fucking I have two computers running here at the same Never-Kineser. I

Really did this with the studio reminds me of Get off your phone JGK pieces cards It's all about Joe getting healthy. He's not not on his phone. We fucking took a coffee break You know we did it coffee still that's a break I imagine you don't even care about Bobby's Did you pause the show? Yes, did you care about the machine black paws that he shows. Yes.

Did you care about the machine that puts this show out to everybody? Taking phone calls, you spilled the coffee. What? I'm listening. What? I'm actually comparing you being on your blackberry, which is annoying that you have one of those. You have one of those?

The manager? Yeah. Well, I'm fucking broke. All right. I'm not as successful as you, you dumb fucking. Well, learn how to sell your soul and make you little bit. I'm not as successful as you you dumb fucking well learn how to sell your soul Fucking the bandana king and she's over on the internet over here I'm trying to figure out jokes to steal I'm throwing things out here

I took a short break to get a fucking very important email It was a big email. I just got a big gig. What is it? I'm not telling you guys I'm not the reason I read it but I can read it. I think you're right. I'd read it But I can't look at my phone you're over here on your phone wishing cancer on everybody That is a fuck I'm not wish is cancer. I'm letting you know that you're going to get cancer soon I wish you and your gerbil poops. I wish I was end up in my shit All right, first of all I was up in your shit before we talked about No, you want to open my shit. I said yeah, yeah, joke that you're gonna get cancer

I didn't joke about that. I wouldn't joke about it. It doesn't matter because you knocked on woods So finally Joe comes to his sense kick it sick now Love it by the way, man said someone get Joe off his sidekick Started your thing about you don't know what it's like to be me I'm going to dance handshake and that was an hour and a half ago That was your whole point was about his handshake. It's a great handshake. You're like you don't know what it's like to be me It was an hour ago Dan shakes hands. That was the end of your point Probably stop me my trip to the dumb jack about that I died cope with something and Bobby you do look great

I love the Jacket I'm not I think you look great. My bloat is going away. I think you look really nice. Kelly, I think you look nice. Dan, I think you look good minus the watch. Short sleeves. Power watch. I like the shirt.

Bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap. You've got a lot of ice before. I got the joke, I had to do it. Joke. But we're gonna go right to work. But another one of our new segment called guest spot. Hey! Oh my god, absolutely!

Is it Nate? That'd be best day, Nate. Yeah, this time I say we leave the mic so we can laugh, but not talk over him. Well, you talk to yourself on that one, because you don't talk over. I think we should turn the mic stuff so we can all look at our phones during it.

You're so mad at me. You're so mad at me. You son of a bitch. He said I talked over. What do you do? You gotta go for me. You gotta go for everybody. Dan, you don't even let me finish a point.

You're a pussy. Stop being such a pussy. I don't like that Dan will literally step on you, smashing him. I was doing the same human. Let me, you take away the thunder. Yeah, that's not, listen rule. No, rule number one, corporate Dan.

First of all, that's not a rule. That's a fucking shit move in the business of Boston balls And you're a fucking you're one of those guys. We used to talk about oh, yeah, Patrice would hate you What is it? What is it? You do I missed it. I mean I was drifting. I'm kidding I would have said your name in Patrice went who motherfucker? Yeah who motherfucker? Yeah, you remember the night at the comic strip? Yeah. Patrice did the greatest thing ever when you guys were judging that thing.

Yeah. And when Patrice was judging me, you super nice, very complimentary. Yeah. Then at the end of the night, you two are leaving and I go, and I'm talking to you and then Patrice, they go, hey, Patrice, man,

thanks for everything. He looks at me and goes, ugh. And just walked right by me and I was like, oh, there we are. We're on par. All right. All right, there we go, guest spot with Nate Bergazzi. And now a guest spot on the YKWD podcast by Nate Bergazzi.

You will know when I hit you. The reason I just said that was because that's what I said to my wife today. I said you will know when I hit you. How did we get to that point? Well, I was upstairs and changing our 8-month-old daughter, which is a process. You know, she doesn't get it. She doesn't just, you know, lay there. And you can't just reason with an 8-month-old and be like hey, can you just give me two seconds?

Just chill out for two seconds You know, you I need to just change you real fast They don't get that she rolls around she does death rolls like an alligator. That's what she does So it's very stressful. So I'm just trying to get everything changed. It's just, you know, you're frustrated. And as this is happening, my wife walks in and sees, oh, Nate looks frustrated. Maybe I should jump in the mix. So then she jumps in and tries to like get under it, but like, you know, below me, like put something put something away and I was like what are you doing and I like said get away you know I was like get out of here like just trying to like I kind of like

move my hand which then it you know accidentally hit her in the face uh accidentally I hit her right in the face and then she was what is that what are you hitting me you just hit me. I got to hit you. You will know when I hit you So yeah, I almost said it like you know like she's just like she wanted to know was that the one It's like no that that wasn't it like a total at the beginning of her marriage. I'm gonna hit you once And she's like is that the time was at the time you hit me. It's like no you know It's still coming I'm still coming. I'm saving it. I'm saving it. So then we just sort of fighting and arguing. That's all that happened.

Then the best you argue, and my daughter just laughs. She doesn't get it, you know. So she thinks it's funny. So then we argue. And then I go downstairs and just's just there's a watching basketball. This is how marriage fights work. If you're in a young new relationship, you're fighting is the worst because you got to like,

really fix it and like, act like you care. Like marriage is like, no one cares. If you fight, you just go your separate way, you know, you know, you think you're like, what are you gonna do? Leave me. Is that what you're gonna do? You're gonna do me a favor, please.

So just go downstairs, but I'm watching basketball and I'm still like, there was a great game on. So that's the best part of them. And as I still tell my wife to watch the game, in my angry voice, I just come like, hey, you should cut the TV on this two-minute slashes. I'm pretty unbelievable game on right now. And then I just we go,

or several times in both watch the game. So we still don't miss out on stuff. So that's what marriage is. It's terrific. Thanks everybody for listening to me. I want you to follow me on Twitter and everything. I want to beat Dan Soder, guys. You know, he's killing it right now. He's jumping up. I jumped up a lot, but he's jumping up like 300 You know, he is the king of guy code Which is a generation of people who use Twitter and I peaked when my space was huge So you know, that's the main problem if we did a my space game between me and him

He couldn't even you'd be embarrassing It would be probably as embarrassing as our numbers are away from each other now. So, follow me on Twitter, that's Beat Dance Sodor, follow at Nate Bargettzi. Alright everybody, I love you all. That's it. Guess what with Nate Bergett. I miss him. He did get really Southern though when he said that line. You will know when I hit you.

You know when I'm over here, you woman. It's so funny though that he actually said, I picked during my space. You know how many comics had like fucking 50,000 followers and didn't know that the floor was just gonna fall out from that company and didn't know about Twitter and they're just so, because these are guys who probably had fame at that time, had something pop where they hit and they got them all, but then social media switch places

and now they need to get another pop in life. So the people that have been eating them are actually father and a, oh that's terrible. I had 30,000 people on my space. I don't know who they are. I was friends with the other on my space. Yeah, it's gone. It's gone, I'm gonna go there.

I feel like a dance man at me. Can we work this out? Cause I feel real guilty. We'll work it out. I'm a renowned on the mics, Joe. All right, I'm gonna do a dance. I'm gonna do a dance. What the fuck? What kind of show is this? Because we're friends. I've been bearing my fucking soul to you, asshole. Well, Rob, this podcast. I've been paired my soul too. I think you look really nice. Yeah, I think you do. So fuck you.

All right. I don't know what it is. I feel like it's a really want to know what it is. I feel like it's a little I feel really guilty. You know, Joe and I are joking. I have no problem with you. Oh, geez. Real bad about that. Can't I feel like it's a little, I feel really guilty, you know. Joe and I are joking, I have no problem with you. Oh, geez, I know, real bad about that. Can't, I didn't know if there was the cancer thing or something else. Well, maybe it's not saying mean things. I'm feeling a real vibe here.

Maybe stop saying mean things. I just want you to be healthy, I want you to be healthy and we live happily. I want, I actually want this for the long haul, Dan. I want to do, I want to do a benefit, a double benefit for Dan. Like, I want two things that. A pre-cancer cancer benefit for Dan.

I want to do pre-cancer cancer, so we raise money before you get the cancer. So, listen. I think I'm going to get asked cancer before you get lung cancer. We should have a bet. Let's have people nail send in. Who's going to get cancer for a colon cancer or lung cancer? Where are we just talking about being positive?

Like, this is no. Yeah, being positive. Joy, can you get a- Or cancer positive or? Yeah, no. We're all getting cancer. That's what's happened. No, can you get a cancer positive or yeah? No, we're all getting cancer. That's what's happened. No, it's not.

I'm not getting cancer. Me either, but I'm not gonna knock on wood. I'm not getting cancer. That's because we're getting the nutrition bullet. That fucking kills cancer. Nutri-bullet. It's fucked your mother. I'm fucked.

You put M&Ms in the Nutri-bullet, by the way. We all get M&Ms in theer's and macadjis. It's just a diabetes shake. Joe, if we raise money for you, will you go get a colonoscopy? And so we can see if you do have a ass cancer? I mean, I don't have a ass cancer, but I'm working. I got a blueberry detox with psyllium-us. You have to get a colonoscopy, though.

That'll tell you the right thing. First of all, if we raise money for anybody at you, so you don't have fucking hang yourself on a restaurant. Yeah. You know, come in. Hey, what happened to the Australian waitress? Okay. She was in the coat closet, fucking hanging from a sturdy pipe.

Bobby's on his phone. I'm not getting it. Bobby's on his phone. Getting a very nice email sent from a fan. Hey, Bobby, I'm 27 years old from Cleveland, which weird, because I'm there. Mama said this. Best restaurant in the country.

With three years clean from drugs and alcohol, I just wanted to thank you for being so honest on YKWD. It has helped me so much in my own recovery, just to hear that other people have the same problems as I do, has been great to listen to. Plus, the show is hilarious, and I love everyone on it, except for Dan. I cannot wait to see you and Cleveland this weekend, so I hope the audience is good. Blah blah blah, I don't wanna go through. Oh, what is this? Is good because Ohio State is playing, oh great.

This for Arizona. Oh, fuck me, they're gonna be good. Are you there this weekend? Yeah. Yeah, you're, well, here's a good, they play. They play on your good. They play on Thursday. Ohio State plays on Thursday. I have a show on Thursday. Yeah, but you're well, you know, here's a good thing. They plan you're good. They play on Thursday Oh, why don't they plays on Thursday? I have a show on Thursday

Yeah, but you're fine and Cleveland if you were in Columbus, it'd be one thing Cleveland's fine Okay, I'm still a lot of OSU for the best there are but not there's so many people What a fucking shit that guy this is most positive email ever and I'm just turning it into me me selling tickets at the fucking Hellenic you know you're going up against book guys Yeah, Good luck. So it makes us forget that we live in Cleveland for a couple of hours. And yes, I know the great Greg Geraldo already made that joke. Also I have, you're done.

You die it because there is some great restaurants in Cleveland. A lot of that. Anyways, that's from John. John, very nice email. I like reading nice emails from fans. And I didn't want to earlier in the show. Let me real corporate. We um actually. Yeah. What a pal. That is. Ladies bring a plate. What's up? Oh, sorry. What's up? I just feel bad for criticizing the man that sent me notes because I think he was just trying to be positive. Oh, God. listen, can we all right listen when I said I just had a happy feeling go through me Bobby hang on I get happy I don't want anyone to be mad at me. Yeah, I didn't want a hat yesterday. I did not mean to set the tone of this show See it faggy. Yeah, I'm not faggy. Let's not do that But well honey because I'm waiting for that

I don't want to be faggy, but you look nice look at I'm fine with that first I don't want to look at this guy telling you what you should do when you're fucking on the show and in your act is Out of life It's not acceptable. All right. That's out of line. You don't get that comfortable Can you cheat on everybody? Tell me what to do Can you can you cheat on your dive a one day you should go to mama sanders homemade pasta They make it on site. Can you drink because I'm having a

Shit son. Well, it's different. No, it's not come to you Bob. You smoke weed all day If I drink and by the way, I appreciate it. No, I can't that's all you have to say No, I can't but thanks for thinking of me. All right. Well, hey, I got a $300 bottle of whiskey. Would you like some? I really appreciate that. That's a nice gesture, but I don't feel like I can. All right, Joe. Thanks for thinking to me, Joe. Thanks for thinking. You heard I was gonna be a you heard I was gonna be in a place. You thought of something. I get it, Joe. Yeah, you're making a big point. You're making a point. Well, stop making it over. You're making a big point. You're making a point. Well stop making it over you sound like me Fucking over and over. I get it. How many scenarios you get no scenario?

Another scenario Joe do another scenario. Don't you offer me a drink? I Appreciate it as someone that was a what if somebody give you like a $1,300 bottle of wine. I would drink it and be like don't tell any of my friends Joe's got purple teeth walking up like no, I'm still fucking 90 today. I'm stumbling and crying Red gums the Yeah, well look I think the sad part of life is that we can't We can't over do shit and the older you get the more shit you have to cut out of your life Yeah, yeah, so if you

That's nice that's you know if you're in your 20s fucking drink But here's a You feel better day to day even when you eat like a nice meal something and good and don't drink you actually feel good Yeah, it's but it's fucked up that in this country that food has become a drug It's crazy when you look at these other countries and they can't even get a bowl of soup You get these little pot belly kids fucking walk you know playing in dirty puddles with a fucking deflated soccer ball And it's like Jesus Christ man. It's makes you love America. It's gonna be hot like how am I gonna raise my kid? I makes me like I don't know no safest country in the world

I hope you get hit by a cab safest country in the world. I can't talk about missiles. I hope you get hit by a cab. Why is your kid coming soon, right? June 2nd is the due date. Why don't you become a good friend? I'm a good friend. I'm a good friend.

I'm a good friend. I'm a good friend. I'm a good friend. My buddy, what's my kid's name? It's Max. Max. Max a million. I'll throw this to my boss.

Max a miss. Max a miss. Max a miss. Patrick Kelly. Don't be calling him Max. That's your middle name. Patrick is. I'm not naming him. Boom. Oh, that's a max. That's your middle name Patrick is I'm not naming him boom Joseph Albert Patrick Kelly. I'm Irish. I have rights Joseph Albert list. That's a bit for 37 years ago

Max what about this max middle name Max's middle name gonna be I'm not telling you I still have Caroline's fucking pamphlet from when you were you were emceeing Yeah, go man was in the middle and Dan was closing. Oh shit. Oh, too. Wow. How funny is that? That's crazy. I have it in my house How funny which I'm going to do a letterman with Gary tomorrow. Are you gonna go? Yeah, really I'm excited dude Go man's letterman sets fucking awesome. Is it yeah? Watching not that thought on it really?

Goamins letterman sets fucking awesome is it yeah watching that that tunnel really I'm just kidding. I watch him run it last night. I was like holy shit douchebag really is it I'll switch my opinion You don't like it. I don't like it. No, but it's fucking. Oh my god. I watch and run it downstairs I have to I'm I'm gonna be Doing a hour special my first hour special graduate when, when are you, where are you filming? I'm working out the details, working out the contract, but I think I'm pretty much, I'm gonna accept, you know, the offer and do it. But here's the problem is that I have to get my hour together.

Yeah. And I have more than an hour, but I've watched it and I hate my, I don't, I don't, I don't. That's normal though. Yeah, but no, it isn't. No, but I hated, I hate all my I hated I hate you should I'm talking about me We get it you should not like I hate your hour, too. So I think we're both. Why would you say that? Really?

I mean, I'm just trying to be corporate damn agreeing with you. Uh fuck man. Who is I taught your hour? Yeah, everybody Yeah, everybody. When are you gonna film it? I don't know, about three months. All right. That's what the baby's coming soon. Yeah, sort of. Yeah, it's coming, yeah.

It's, I gotta, I gotta get it over with because I'm becoming that guy. What guy? In my own head. I'm becoming, you know, like a guy has a t-shirt and it's due to a joke and he has to do that joke for fucking 20 years because he has to sell that t-shirt. Talk to a guy with a Russian accent joke that won't go away.

Yeah, like when are you gonna let that go? I've stopped doing it for the most part. So when you headline, you have to do it. I have to do it when I headline. Yeah, okay, you know what? What's the bad about that? See, it's just where Louis is ruining things. Like he's changing the industry and it's tremendous and he's an idol. But what the fuck? It's a great joke.

It's not like you're a fucking, you know, whatever Cosby's doing is dentist bit. Yeah, but here's the thing. Closes with it. I agree with you. I agree with you and I think that fans though, that when you're playing that much, I've had I just did a red island The comedy connection first time I ever did a weekend there fucking packed up shows Fans a lot of fans and these people like dude seven times seeing you third time seeing you eight times seeing you Been here a bunch and thank you for the baby stuff by the way Oh you motherfuckers probably baby Boston Red Sock parent my kid has to be a red socks fan

Fucking right and they bought me like that motherfuckers, probably baby, Boston, Red Sox, parent, my kid has to be a Red Sox fan. Fuckin' right. And they bought me, yeah, like that. That's how you can definitely tell the Bostonians in the room where Bobby's like, I don't know, fucking, what is he gonna be in? Red Sox fan and let's just dead eyed. Yeah, fucking, goddamn righty. Let's go fucking way. That's like, if he wants to fucking live.

I want to get back to that, but that reminds of you of a, in the movie, comedian, where Seinfeld's going to Gov. And he goes, it's everything you've tried desperately not to be but you know deep down still are when you start my long-end that's how I feel with Boston yeah you just you try so desperately not to be it and then Brady throws an exception like what a fucking faggot this piece of shit uh... that's still a big that stills my favorite because Joe doesn't really exude like boss like you know

that's all in there but spending thanks giving with him and watching football with his family. Yeah. You really got to see how fucking Bostonian they are. When they just started calling me 49ers because I like the Niners. Yeah. But his you're like that house alive. We're all blackout drunk. His brother's like his brother loves getting kind of sauce. He's looking at me. He's like, Hey hey 49ers fucking Joe Montana better than Tom Brady and I'm like well this is obviously you're not going to agree with me on this and he's like fucking 49ers give me another bit

oh my gosh shit yeah there's another before going to worst in a witty comic from fucking Denver at a Boston party oh yeah it was damn yeah I uh bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb I don't know if it was Dan. Yeah, I... Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, bu That's a piece too. And then there's newer stuff that is different vibe, but different tempo. It's weird too. It's almost like you feel like you're forcing some jokes.

But like I'm forcing to be that guy I was three years ago that had a little more energy, a little more, you know, I don't know. But you know, now I feel like I talk a little more. I can slow down a little bit and bring them in. But I think you're right. I think certain guys, touring guys that are out there doing theaters and they're doing a new hour every fucking six weeks. And they're literally letting fans like, I want new stuff.

Right, right. And it's like, dude, and then when they don't see new stuff, though, they, you don't, you don't show up again. But here's the thing though. I think, I was saying this to Gellman after we worked together right after his special came out. And I think people, first of all, Louis has millions of fans in there. He's in demand.

You have a lot of fans, but they're not like, here's that Russian benefit. Wait a minute, he's talking to Dan. I don't think he's in Russian. But here's the thing that I didn't finish my point. I'm sorry. Finish your point. What I was going to say is people like hearing jokes that they've heard before they like it's like they like to recognize it you want mostly new whatever

half new but they like they bring people that haven't seen before they like us oh this is the russian one they like to see it live they like to hear other people like this here's the one we're here is here's a thing that i think you need i'm learning as a comic you need to not go back to a certain place too many times because if you have fans, yeah. If you have fans,

you shouldn't go back there every three months, every six months. No. You need to go back once a year, maybe longer. And that way I think it is right that they do wanna hear the stuff that they, you to hear the stuff that you know that they you know They want to oh this is the joke I was telling you about oh that is fucking hilarious and they haven't heard it in a long time Life and it evolves like my jokes evolve. I was talking to a comic about this

And it's like you know very similar like's like, my joke three years ago, or two years ago or a year ago, is now finished. Took me two years to finish this joke. It's got the detail I like, I love details. I love to specific, specific. I love being rann, it smelled like, you know, fucking, yeah, gunpowder and fucking chocolate.

I just, what? It's just not like that type of shit where it's like weird. like, you know, fucking, yeah gunpowder and fucking chocolate. I just what? It's just not like that type of shit where it's like weird. And I greet completely that you should be able to do jokes that people fell in love with you for, but I had a really bad experience at the seller. I didn't finish my point either. Shit.

Well, you're a point smasher. I'm sorry. I think there's no way to stick up for me because I stuck up for Joe, but apparently Joe backs away from the microphone and fixed the back of his hair when he's not in this section my back I'll fuck you Bob a stri-sand Even get it. I love you. You're playing with your hair and fucking stretching your back Whatever Larry bird I want I want

I'm actually out of explanations why he's too fucking corporate douche is laughed at that well He's a boss you can't even explain why it's a deal. You know what? And then he had a different explanation for you. He's like, yeah, you walked right from the mic and you're like, because you're playing with your hair. I actually thought that's what it was for. I'm calling bullshit on everybody's fucking your bullshit, Barra Streisand.

I'm sitting on a plate that's seven minutes old. I'm a straight. Just waiting for you guys to finish it up. So I'm gonna make a point. I'm a stage fright Jewish woman. Sit on a plate. I don't. So my point was, memories like the corner of my mind.

A story when you're telling a story, which I do, which is not really a joke. It starts out as a story or something that happened. And then you add to it and you embellish it and you refine it. And after a year or so, it, or, to you, it's all of a sudden a poll. It went big and smaller. and now it's tighter, and you can, oh my God, there's a great chunk of material chunks. I like chunks of shit.

You know, and then all of a sudden, I'm just gonna touch the shit. That's what the bullet with a gum pattern I had me talk about. You know some truck driver just went, you should shoot. I did, so I hope he's that's funny. So yeah, and it takes a long time to do that.

And it's like, you do it. So does fucking shit in his pants. What is happening? I'm going to have an aneurysm. Well, some guys, my point that I'll wrap it up here is some guys write jokes. They take a topic, they open up a new, you know, set up punch tag, tag, and then they'll go off

and segue into another thing. And it's over, which I punch tag, tag, and then they'll go off and segway and do another thing, and it's over. Which I think is not easier, but it's, you can do that, you can come up with material faster. Like, when I go on a red eye, I can take all the topics and write jokes for it. And then I have to send them in by four o'clock, and they approve them, and then I go on, and I make them conversational. Do you ever use the jokes that you write on red eye? Yeah. Because I tend, I I don't I like right jokes But I never because mine a good okay, well get me on red eye. Yes, I can really yeah, you want to be on red? I you kidding me. I'll talk to Greg tonight. I'm a political guy

Fucking Republicans wait a minute. Dan, are you actually no fucking stepping on my toes? No, no, no, I was just wanting to make the point of it You're gonna be stepped on your toes. You wouldn't be able to see it. Hello Wasn't bad. No, no, no, but then actually Dan would probably be better to get you on because I've actually I Say no to her all this I feel bad for Tara I say because I'm not she want you know can you do it today? No? Why today and then they want, they want to lock you down like for fucking three weeks is like, no.

I like the show. I have nothing going on. Well, we should get him on. Can we get, I'll talk to him. I'll talk to him. Can you do it? Awesome. I'm doing it tonight.

Will you talk to them about him? Yeah, absolutely. I'll talk to you at two. But my point is, when you were talking about chunks. Hang on, say thank you. Well, I wanted to let him get his point that's how i'm thanking him and offer i'll be like hey if you could do that thanks and by the way the thank you's will come

after i get on the that i think he's just fucking yeah he he's he's like uh... derosa he he doesn't want to break the connection he has he had he's well if it was the rosy be trying to get laid uh... the rosy told me he could tell my girlfriend he get her in the cellar then he found out we were dating and he never talked to her again That's hilarious. Are you fucking not the seller but uh Because he can't get in at the seller. Not the seller. It wasn't the seller. It was some other club.

Yeah, we know. Yeah. He's like this. I can get you in at the Eastfield. She's like, oh great. And then I came over and I was like, hey baby, and then we kissed and he's like this. And then left to never. Wow. Wow. I don't know how the love to Rosa are fucking hate him on that one. Wow

I don't know the love to Rosar a fucking hate him on that one. All right, can we get Dan Sotar's points? It's thank you Fucking go Is anything about dance out of you can you can resurrect a fuck? No, it is good. You got it go you go as, all the other mics are out. You were talking about chunks, you were talking about chunks, and you're right, because sometimes you add tags three months later when you write a chunk, and then you wanna do that bit again.

But I was saying to Joe is, I had a really bad experience at the seller where I was opening with a joke that I was just getting used to opening with, and this drunk girl goes, ah, to a boyfriend just, oh, I've heard this before and gets up to leave and I go what did you use go see a band at a concert and you're like oh they're not playing they're not playing new songs all new songs and she goes no I'm going to smoke a cigarette but just do what you do and it fucked me up on stage because

now I'm like I got to do jokes that I've never done at the seller before. She's a fucking cunt. But I'm saying that fucked me up. That's why it's like, oh, I got to do something new every set. But then you go buy that. Because people come to the seller a lot. And it's like if they've seen that set. Yeah.

And then you go buy the sanfer mentality. You fucking buy it. Why would you do that? Why would you fucking fake ass on? Are you sending me out? Oh, yeah. You were going to get dick. Yeah.

We had a pause. That should be a shit. We don't to dick. Yeah, we had a pause That's your piece of shit. Hey, we don't get oh my god And you can you were like grumpy with me like come on do a properly because I was laughing You saw you want to be you saw the failed actress in her eyes. Yeah, take two Sorry, I'm sorry. Thank you because I didn't I didn't fall for it the first time and he set me up the second time Yeah, that was right. That's called funny. Mm-hmm. Oh, was it me up the second time. Yeah, that's why that's called funny. Oh, was it? Okay, I'm sorry.

Wow, apparently. That was funny as I thought it was. Didn't get Joe back to his market. No, Joe was busy looking in the fridge for nothing. Poo. Look at the coke. That's right. Look at the coke.

You didn't get Joe Coke? I got Coke here. Where? Yeah, it's in the bag. Why would it not be in the fridge? I couldn't fit it in the fridge because I got to like take old stuff out Yeah, we have coke for you buddy. We the fans you know buys coke for Joe a lot of room. You know buys coke for Joe

Hey You know buys coke for Joe who does have the graves? Who's the great? She's doing it every month Yeah, and we also we have another donate if you don't know what you get to. Yeah, of course you do. You know everybody, because everybody loves Dan. That should be the name of the fucking podcast. Fuck Bob, fuck Joe, fuck everybody. That's a long name. Everybody.

It's a very long name. She's from Boston. She, I met her, she was awesome. Very nice. Very nice person. And Douglass Maloney. She's saying, oh, Doug Maloney's the best. Doug Maloney's got to be from Boston

dogg mullonies fuck you yeah he's got the curcule tinaing twitter thank you thank you thank you that's it that's it let's get back to the show shall we worry stocking coax kid yeah what the heck we're fucking working the van mishines joe why did you do that?

joe come on man i don't get it dude you want more cake you still a coke left there I don't get it. I don't even want coke what the fuck you talking? I said I didn't ask for coke you said you're looking for nothing like it was a zing and I was like I was looking for coke Well, and then that all you want cuz you still got some there and you just said it to squash my zing I was gonna get a cold one squash my zing is that what they call a zing? How do they say fucking you're pussy in Australia squash? Yeah, what the fuck is this? It's an ointment for like dry skin. Herpes?

Look at this. It's papar on the other side. It's like a herpes thing. Poison the lips and then stopped and then had to come up with a different word. It's for, you know, dry skin. I'm not using this. Oh, it's from Australia.

Yeah, mouth to mouth buddy. You got to try. It's from a Katie Ereach breeze bing. Australia. 25 grams. 25 grams. Nick, that's good. A local typical application for boils, bands, chafing, cats, crick skin, gravel rash, what the fuck is gravel rash?

Splinty, full of a motorcycle and he's slid on the road rash. Road rash? Road rash, we call it gravel rash. Well, we call it gravel rash, splinties, open wheels. This is the can't afford roads Insect boy, I know I'm the fuck what's nappy rash nappy that's what babies get black people get it in their hair Right I'm as Listen I am the reason why the fucking stupid thing was so loud

And I had to shut down the whole show for a second and then Kelly showed us that she could be a Fony on cue is because my headphones I turned them way up for some reason so the show's back on course That was clearly explanation Bobby clearly thought that was a punchline that wasn't no I'm glad we covered it You did that you delivered that like a like a nine-year-old in an 80s sitcom you're like so I had to turn away up like a nine year old and an 80s sitcom. You're like, so I had to turn them way up. I wasn't trying to do that. Oh, beaver. I was trying to just explain why we,

all right, fuck off. No, we stopped though, because we just stopped. We stopped. Yeah, but no one knows. We never stopped. We never stopped. We stopped. And then we collaborated and now we're listening.

Joe Miele got in his phone like a 12 year old girl at a comedy show. No, like a goddamn pro. I'm tweeting that, you're funny. Joe Mielegun has fallen like a 12 year old girl with a comedy show. No, like a goddamn pro. I'm tweeting that, you're funny. What the fuck man? I had a drunk lady at a fucking show in Rhode Island. Of course, Rhode Island, I'm a good. Well, it's just so funny that me and Colin

were talking about, it's always women. It's always white women and they're fucking shit faced. And it's always, it's not heckling it. It's always about, it's always them just, yeah, that's, oh, that's not true. No, right. I mean, oh yeah, that's oh, that's not true. No Right, I mean yeah, oh god, that's good. Yeah, the worst is when they're cut that's funny That is funny

While you're doing your joke in the joke, you can't but I didn't even ignore I acknowledge you at the end I didn't acknowledge you're doing the thing. I didn't have enough because I didn't want it richy I didn't I don't want another richi situation. I just I just said fuck it I think I think they're right I think women are all a lot of the times the the chattiest ones and disruptive But I still think Nick and I are talking about this. They're the best laughers too when you're really killing It's usually because there's a lot of women being like yeah I think we're either the best and the worst absolutely. I think the majority of women are fucking great at shows

It's awesome because if if you get them laughing absolutely they just go believe guys are a more Bar is to laugh. Yeah, absolutely, but it's always it's always a it's always a white fucking woman White broad that gets too fucking drunk front row the stand this weekend So let's go blackberry and I go are you fuck I literally stopped the show and just stared at her right and just like this and she looked up and I go, you know, fucking Ruder being this is what her douchebag boyfriend said. Look how hot she is bro. I fucking want both of you to fall off on. I know she texted. She's texting on her blackberry. That's what makes me something about people with blackberries when they when they talk about the when they talk about the end of the world,

and a fucking meteor in the electricity gone, and we're all back in the fucking stone ages. Right, you know what I mean? Seriously, you know what I think about it every day. I love it. I love it. I love it because I know that those people won't survive. I know that that cunt will need meat.

Oh God. And she will look how hot she is, bro. I know, that's what made me exactly. But she will look how hot she is. I know that's what made yeah exactly bro look how hot she is And you know what I hope I'm there when she's 38 in that last scene pops Yeah, but she can't fucking get a free drink from anybody at the bar. I can't look how hot she is bro I'm actually at my my metaphor that he fucking stepped on was actually And it's just really he's like god-free, he's the white God-free. He will take your thought and then improve on it

with a character and make it more poignant. I had the end of the world, he was like, why don't you just wait until she's fucking 38 stupid and nobody will buy a train. It's the same concept except better and funnier. Go fuck yourself, Soda. Oh, fuck yourself. No, no, go fuck, oh, with the God-free thing. Did that hurt? Oh, yeah. Yeah, good. You. No, no, go fuck, oh with the God-free thing.

Did that hurt? Oh yeah. Yeah, good. You know what, no, I know, no. What I'm going to rebound. You know what I know about that? You will rebound. Nothing penetrates your shelf.

Everything penetrates your shelf. Nothing. You know what, if you say it to fucking Shella's turtle over here, he'd be fucking bummed out, sixth. He'd be bummed out, days late. You get a text. Do you mad at me man? But you nothing affects you.

You have to pretend to be hurt. Serial killer. You are. Fake a moat. I hope that my sleeveless arm watch comment affected you. It's dumb. It does and nothing affects soda. Look at that understand that.

You can't understand that. Come on, look at that. I'll tell you what it is. That watch needs a long sleeve. I'll tell you what it's it's not the watch first of all It's that his arm is the same thickness to a shoulder thick good point. Yeah, that's what freaks you out It's a it's like a someone who can't draw that well drooded arm Fifth grade doodle yeah, no, it's a great great doodle a dad that thinks he has skills listen the who thinks he can draw skills

who yeah somebody told me that we should we should just make these yeah sell a show yeah one guy you can sell them though they're like throwing them at us at the show I'll do a new birthday show. I sell them after the show Robert Keller and they'll just fucking bandana Fucking fucking Christ I gotta go to Cleveland. I was already at Cleveland, but it's I'm gonna brothers of you. You're a fucking... I like cartoons. Fucking, fucking Christ. I gotta go to Cleveland. I was already at Cleveland, but it's, I'm at Cleveland, where else am I? I'm in a soda at the mall.

Oh, I'm the necklop. Do you have it? No, I did act me, though. Oh, I'm doing that in June. I'm doing Denver. What are you doing, the works? Yeah, but down. Can I come open for you?

I've never, I should've been dying to get to Denver. You're doing Dents. Is that bad? Downtown's the main one you? I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never done dying to get to Denver. You're doing dance. Is that bad? Downtown's the main one. You don't wanna do, are you doing South? Comedy work South, comedy works downtown. I don't, I don't know. You're probably doing downtown.

No, because Wendy Leedman's there too. I love Wendy Leedman. She, but they also have a theater that they do. I love that he immediately put her above me in a theater. Well, I don't know what Wendy Leedman, I don't even know who I'm going to be. I don't know, look on the, look on the fuck. When you just said comedy works, Danva doesn't say. Yeah, but look on know what Wendy lead me. I don't even know who I am. I don't know. Look on the fuck when you're doing it.

When I'm just saying comedy works, Dan Vah doesn't say. Yeah, but look on the website. What are you doing, Denver? Can I come? I have some friends out there. Well, where are you gonna stay? You can say my mom's.

I can say, I don't have friends. I can say. I don't even know if they're paying, I don't know if they're paying. You can say it, it's a trick. I'll say it, it's a trick. Do you mind? My mom would love to do it.

Let me work out the money. I'm dying to go to Denver. Okay, let me finish my fucking thought because I don't know how much, I gotta look at the contract because I don't know how much I gotta look at the contract I don't know if they're paying me well enough to bring somebody what they pay that they've just middle They pay the bill act a day. Yeah, but they but I want to hook up a little bit like a little boss then I got friends Wait, you ever stay in it. What? Stain Aurora I got housing

I'm a stain Aurora maybe stay with me. I think they have a condo right? I don't know I know work I heard that everybody stays in this really nice condo I'm working the club for the first time in July middleing We know I know okay, I'm just excited to go work the club. Oh shut up from there. What's with? Why are you middleing for I don't know you're middleing anymore? why not he's got twenty four minutes of i'm not saying he's good enough to headline but he's making the enough money has enough credits they should be headlining uh... they i want i just i just want to get into the club don't get me

wrong dan is not a headliner gizzo's first to get a laugh i'd look like a real piece of shit that he's just christian Jeez I was supposed to get a laugh. I'd look like a real piece of shit there. Jesus Christ Don't be a chuckle That look like a douchebag Dan take over the show I got to look up Today in the news Did you see what's going on with the pop I haven't funny you haven't found a blast

You're like the mad at me. I'm not mad at you. I feel like I mean I'm gonna ring you out on the subway right now. That's what I'm nervous about. I feel like you're the drop of hammer on you. Kelly, Kelly blatantly on her phone over here. No, I'm looking up the dates. Yeah, why not? I have internet. Yeah, I was looking up something too.

No, you were. I still got scolded. You were looking at Twitter to see your compliments. Well apparently something good happened to you. Like, what was the good news that you had there? Oh, that was full of shit. No, I see you lied. Oh, I got a nice deal.

We called you out in your shit in Lentil. It's all important. It's all important. It's true, huh? You lied to us and I don't know if I can trust you anymore. I can't trust you. I got a nice. You lied about running out of coke, you're about having emails, I mean it's bullshit.

I didn't lie about running out of coke. You know it's just a coke. I just wanted a new fresh cold one. You know what I'm gonna drink that? I'm out of coke. You wanted a fresh one when you haven't finished the one you have in front of you Yeah, it's kind of reading. Yeah, why don't you finish that because it's warm and flat now Well, I'm gonna get a nice fresh one because I'm a god damn anicked. I like the sound of the chip having a nice cold

Everett you just want to sip and then open up a new coke every time you sip. That's not cold sometimes. I like to do that Well, maybe it seemed like this is good radio, but it's really terrible. Just awful shit. Oh, is it snowing out? Come back, Bob. It's really shitty outside. Snowing and rain. Best combination. Don't talk to me when you're scratching your fucking man-nips. So what does this come down? Is he coming out next Monday? Yeah. No. No! Oh boy. It's like the 8th I think. The 8th I think. Would you put your t-shirt down and tuck your gut in your jeans? Like a normal fatty.

Come on. Look at that. I just turned 31 this past weekend. No you didn't. No you're pretty good. Oh yeah. Oh whoa. Yeah.

What are you doing for your birthday, Joseph? I don't know. I might have a show at the creek. I'm putting in for the veils at all the clubs. So I'm going to get some clubs. I'm putting in for the veils at all the clubs, so I'm gonna get some clubs. I'm at Lamar Square. Larimer Square, you're downtown, you're at the main club. That's the main one?

That's the fucking awesome one. What do I see there? I mean, the South one's good too, but like, because I was wondering that, because when I go there and work, I'm headlining comedy work, South, which is in the tech center, Thursday and Sunday,

middleing at Larimer Square on Friday and Saturday. Yeah, but don't go to that. Go to mine on August 8th. Listen, 9th, 10th and 11th. First off, you're talking to the kids from the day. I'll take a week. I'll take a week. I'll take a high school friends, come to see me.

I could do the same for you. Yeah, but now you wanna play this game. He's gonna end with the Russian players. No, I'm not. Spoiler. I do a Polish bit now. Let me hear it. No, I'm just kidding. First of all, man. Let's go through his whole sit list right now. I wanna let you know what spoiler I do a Polish bit now. Let me let me hear it No, I'm just kidding first of all man. Let's go through his whole sit list right now

I want to know I want to let you know Dan. I'm really just passing your balls I love your characters, and I love what you do. I've been telling him since I met him You should be doing all voices and Providence get abandoned all the standup. That's what I'm saying is like dude Why don't you why don't you do more characters and everything you do think Think about this, Bobby. Don't you think this? What? Wouldn't you agree? Yeah. You should get an office job and be a funny guy in the office. Yeah. Why wouldn't you do that? You would just be the funniest guy. You'd be one of the funniest guys in the office. Yeah, I mean, dude, I don't know what you're doing. You're gonna, you

gotta think about right now it's happening. You're, oh my god, you're doing good. But when that comes down, what the fuck, dude? Enterprise rental car. Get there now. You could easily be the top two funniest people in any office. Any office. It was suck of fun.

Not like a writing job. I wouldn't even say office. I'd say retail. I'd say. Yeah. Like gap. The gap's a little high. Maybe seers.

Yeah, tell us. What about coals? Man, maybe you know buckles. I don't know Yeah, buckle you'd kill in a buckles I'm like what are you looking for shoes? What do you want to them? I'll be right back imagine him and al does like this. Yeah, the shoe fits get another one just like it Yeah, I'll see you later. That's actually George Carlin joke. Okay. That's good Shit me. Well, yeah, so you're gonna be there

July July I'm gonna be there in August. I can't wait to get lost I will all right. Here's a deal. I will ask them. I will try to work it out. Let's do it I would love to all right. I would love for you to work I love Joe list in front of me love the city. He was in Boston and killed it Let's do it. We'll do we'll go to we'll not drink nutty carbs and fucking work our way through that city Take big shit take big shit get a breakfast Fuck chicks. She's come to hot yoga with me It lose fucking

Good a pound yeah one second Joe. Oh, you can get a breakfast breito without the tortilla. It's still really good awesome He saved you well I You Home I don't want to do hot yoga, you fucking... Oh, it's the best. You had a whole lot of fun. Three weights. At least three pounds. I just said weights, by the way. You lose three weights.

I'm farting right now. They're good, dude. And it's gonna be a very oatmeal blueberry fucking... Husk. I'm very proud of everybody on the show. I'm very proud. It's fucking wild. Thank you, bro.

I'm very proud of you. He's throwing a fart at me. I'm very proud of you, buddy. And I'm very proud that I hope the show had some success. I have some part of your success. proud of you. He's throwing force at me. I'm very proud of you buddy And I'm very proud that I hope the show had some success Part of your success most of it. I'm well. No, it relax. No, I'm serious. You're not be corporate. Can I can I talk without you being corporate? Go for it I'm very proud of both you guys. I'm very proud that Joe is now both you that you're not drinking not I don't give a fuck If you drink you know that I buy you beers for Christ sake, but I'm very proud that Joe is both you that you're not drinking. Not I don't give a fuck if you drink. You know that I buy you beers for Christ's sake. But I'm very proud that you're

doing something that you set out to do that's very hard not to do in this business, especially with your friends and the circles you hang out with. It's very hard. I'm very proud of both of you and it's keep it up because you're you're're gonna be coherent for some great times in your life, which is gonna be great, which I'm excited for. That's time in my life. Yeah, so I'm very proud of both of you guys. Good for you. Thank you.

I'm, you know, man, I'm really glad you guys are part of the show. I'm really, I just had, I was on the show the first time a year ago. Well, that's great. Well, that's like a month ago now. It's a very, very, very, very romantic occasion in my life.

It was your birthday. Happy birthday, life. It's a great part. Happy birthday, Joey. Happy birthday, Joe. You guys want to send birthday presents to JoeList 676A, 9th Ave, number 424, New York, New York. Put it YKWD in Robert Kelly and then make sure there's a note in there. JoeList, send him some birthday presents. He's got nothing.

He's using a blackberry for Christ's eggs. He has to have a fucking joint vine account with his chick. I do it So we can have vine videos this box like a camp break up with his chick just so he can use his vine account stays Active my bedroom is 14 feet by seven feet. It's time no health insurance Yeah, let's send him to my car bills. God damn it. Joe. You want to write a show together? Yeah. I'm a good writer. Let's write a show. You want to do something together? We'll do something.

Please. All right, let's do it. We'll work on something. I actually have a great idea that you would be perfect for. I can really punch it up. I can act. I got herpes. Yeah, you'd be actually perfect for it.

Great. It's about Boston. Oh, I am Boston. I know you are. And I'm so ready. I'll show Boston. Oh, I am Boston. I know you are TV show yeah, and and what's that I sold two scripts you did no, I'm just gonna Got nothing would have been great, but you got a TV show you got another show too. What else did you just book? I didn't book anything. I heard you book something out my half hours coming out in May Kelly What did you tell me he book? Next month, it'll be out. Something else, right? No, I got nothing good. My half-hour's out in May though. He's booking Red

Eye according to him. Well, I'm going to try to get Joe on, unless he's still going to be in the castle. I'm going to sit. I'm going to be a sarcastic asshole. Well, then maybe today your name will pay pay pay. No,... now i'm gonna talk to tara today i'm gonna email right when the show's yeah could you cuz i actually and that would be a great

show it looks like you don't have any faith in the dandt Kelly fucking joking baby doll they're all jokes i'm a god damn comic genius over here he said that today he said that today on the train, and it, because Joe and I always take the train in together, and I just basically am last ringin' how funny Joe is, but Joe maybe laugh because I'm a comic genius.

You guys wanna put together a ride cast show with us for? Yes! Absolutely. Let's do it! I know it. Now you wanna do a podcast? You can do it. Yeah. Peaking theater. Well, do you know what do you podcast Yeah, pick in theater. No, not what will do you know what you learn? I'm Marin

Do you know what do line? Yeah, that would be the show. Yeah, what else were we gonna do? Yes, we could do glory whole life All right My blood sugar's low having that a cap My blood sugar's low having that a cap They're fucking hey, I feel better though and that neutral blast get that Mutable it I'm getting the neutral bullet get it. I'm not joking. I'm getting it today. Yeah, I'm gonna Yeah, I'd love to look down to you a little mouth Something big sounds like going to those little boats toy boat I don't know. You want me to feel anything?

Sounds like you can pick. Sounds like going to those little boats, toy boats, you can't be on the other one. I want you to answer this. And then we'll all go and retort. If you had to guess, rank, who you think, the three in order, who is the best at eating pussy between the three of us?

The best eta? Yes. Ata. Haken, munch, boks. I used that. I think. Taking out of personalities in consideration. But everyone's different. I think that's

Like a huge Actually, I'm not a big fan of it. So Fan Just watch us. Come on Because she's gonna be watching just watch us. This is my I'm gonna do my technique then Dan you do you Video take this look through the iPad it won't two pieces of turkey. I have video tape this. You look through the iPad, it won't be as fucked up. All right, ready?

This is my, now you have to, when you do your technique, you have to open up, the pussy has to be. Okay, so here's my technique. You help me teach you to me how to eat motherfucking pussy. All right, here's my technique. I'll put the, I get down on the pussy. I use the thumb and the index finger above. I come from above.

Okay. Spread it out like that. And then I spread it out. Get the clip. Open it up. I you know, for the clip, I spread the clip. Find it with my tongue a little bit. And then when I get it, spread the clip. Like this. That's too quick. That's too quick. Spread the clips. I was like a metal song. Spread the clip. And that's spread the clip DECLIRT! And that's SPORED DECLIRT! Get inside! DONG DONG DONG DONG DONG DONG DONG DONG DONG! SPORED DECLIRT! Alright Joe.

Alright, I go. I go middles, let me get in the right scene. First of all, the answer is me. I'm the best in the video. I was gonna say, I think Joe, because Joe wants to please everyone more than anyone else in this video. Ah, corporate dance, I don't know. Well, and I brought that up.

And corporate Dan's still looking at half a number one, so for someone else, it's still not the best. I go middle finger, I get my middle finger up and then. And you play it! Spur, you play! Spur, you play! Rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip,, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, Hello Cleveland you guys ready to spread the Clint motherfucker we are the clip spreaders My we're talking about I go now we were never talking about your I get the middle finger up there and then apply a little pressure and a little back and forth.

In the asshole. And then I go, no, in the, in the, in the asshole. So you come on and how do you do that? How do you get physically, physically impossible? I'm about, I put a pillow onto the ass. So you have come up under a leg. And then I like to have her on the edge of the bed and then I'm on the ground.

Oh, good one. Right. And if you don't have a bed. I have a bed. What if you're outside and at a sand dune? I put her on something for a kid. What if you're a kid? God. This is getting more and more romantic. Okay, on something. What if you're on a cake card?

This is getting more and more romantic. Okay, got it. Would you say there's a nice sea breeze coming into the open door? I can't. I'm like, no, no, I love Quincy. And then I start to... I'm laid out on a nice silk bed frame.

Come on. Just sea breeze coming. I finger, I get my thumb involved. And then I get my tongue and thumb involved. I do the alphabet trick on the clip That's a hack and that's a myth The hack that's not a myth you go like this you go a with your tongue you spell out the alphabet I have to because I can't I can't go to be lose. I get lost at G

You're fucking dude. What's after age dude? I get it? I put the thumb in there a lot the thumb is better than the tongue sometimes Yeah, you keep going you go back and forth you get it nicely wet I get a little spit dribbling down in there. I'm a fucking. Oh my god. That's why I see Joe uses two hands That's why we call you two hands Joe I What oh Jesus? Fucking animals because he has in at a club

Yeah, again, Joe The hopper yeah, no the nibbles okay Fucking animals because he isn't at a cub Jo Yeah, not the nibbles okay me again Joe You're in front again. That's because you get a fucking leather. Ah, I click you fucking Australian It's got a wall. I'm he pushing a wallet pussy Yeah, nibble and you suck on it their legs go like this spread and they go like this Yeah, cuz they're afraid you're a fucking a serial killer Yeah, here's what I do. So dad.

A lot of change up for more, you guys are going, you guys are all traditional values. You know, you have what I do. Can I just tell you real quick, I, you have a grim face. Okay. Like you turn into a hexin beast. I'm like, you just described our way of eating pussy

with traditional values. Yeah. Here's what I do. So dad, after you finish crying, what happens? Man, I know she's working a thing, bandana, her real quick. You mean to tell me he's not in the fatal, having a bit of a...

I like, I like to go from behind. I'm taking it back, I'm keeping it, because she, she recovered. Why, because I was in the field position? That's not, she's just... That's how I started every sexual encounter. Good, I did the cry, you were talking, I mean, you're here.

Shut up, you're gonna get it. Go ahead. I'd bend him over, go from the back. What yeah, you never done that you bend them over what's his name? His name is chief you milk him. No, but that's how I start Like go around you can't even reach the clip if you can't yeah, you can I got long bony fingers Yeah, you don't you tongue though, but no you go in here scare her arms You got and then and then I lift up the hood when I get him finally on the back To check oil. Yeah Flick it. No, I don't I go in and I finger and I do the thing where all sounds made up to me

Yeah, I don't think you've ever seen a pussy I'm a virgin. I really believe that you and Ryan Hamilton fucking came here together. Well everyone knows that pussies are perfect holes right where are the peaches? Now I know what it is. It's he doesn't do it that often. I do it a lot. I do it a lot. I do it a lot.

I think he's the kind of guy that does it a lot. I do it a lot. I'm not doing it a lot. I'm not doing it a lot and I like eating it. Can I say you forgot. We all forgot the main thing. First of all you got to lick the stink off. Okay. lick the stink. Yeah okay? Lick the stink.

Yeah, that sounds like a man with a band. Fresh out of the shower. Fresh out of the shower, you know what I'm saying. Now we're talking, you me to chick, you bring her back to your whole tower room and you're a passion, you're going down. You got to go down there, passionate. You got to lick the stink off,

you got to open up the seal, break the seal, get a finger in there. Yeah, because you got to know what you're dealing with. You break the seal and it smells like snake shit. Get the fuck out of it. it smells like snake shit get the fuck Right So you get down there and you break the seal and it smells like a foot like a shoe that's been worn for My mouth smells like a bad spell

It smells like snake shit is the album that spread the clitoris on Welcome you guys buy our album snake shit Snakes in pussy spread your bed spread Listen well actually listen again You got him behind some women love hang on what she's playing down with You're bad you're bad them up you're gonna be a little ass pussy combo then you flip him over You know what I don't get I don't understand logistics of dance What they're over the bed?

Bend over the bed. Yeah, and then put your head towards the bed. No, then I don't. In between your legs. It's nonsense. Listen, it's always a starter. It's an appetizer. I want to stop right now. Kelly, tell us.

Yeah. I want you to fuck you. You're in this game. You're in and you're out. You're going to be a woman and you can't fucking talk because we don't want to offend you or you're a comic and you're in this game and you be my question is What is you have pizza remember the pizza episode?

Okay, I'm about sex shut your face. Okay. Well, how do you like your pussy? Well, so far well on Joe I can like get it done if I just had a shower So so far it's all me and Joe Okay, so you need you have to wash it Because I just gonna smell like fucking waitress pussy I just feel more comfortable when it's done. I like My preferred way is him laying down on his back and then I'm sitting on the face so I'm Seconded yeah, get the same time. I'm 69 you like 69. Yeah, but the way he does it is they don't say that over there though. Yeah, really? Yeah, they call it a rea they call it a rhubab. Yeah, they're like you just invented 69. I like I use meters

I like I'm a Joey though. They call it a royale cheese There's plenty of say 69. He we call the matrix system. We call it a happy for everyone say $60.90. We call it a metric system. We call it a happy for everyone. We call it a wobbly room. We call it full dumbbell things. I gotta get a wobbly room. Listen.

Yeah, and so then I like. So you're sucking his dick. Yeah, I like two fingers and then sucking on the clip. But then the palm of the two fingers has to be kind of, I like the palm hitting the top as well. But I like a little, I like a suck and a little nibble on the clip. How's it going?

I was just on his back. I don't know, man. They just figured it out. Here's what I used to do with my former girlfriend because she was a little while. I'd like to have her on a tummy stomach with the clip. She's laying, her, she has a viber. She's laying on her viber. That's in the clip and then I eat her asshole with the viber in her.

So you know about eating pussy from behind? I can taste of how's this love eating ass you if you're on the road get yourself a nice Gays for nice one of those electric toothbrushes, you know the cheap ones $10 yeah, yeah, all our electric Toot yeah, they go you shopping in a van You get a mess he be asked the plastic one Yeah, they're let they're shopping in a van? You get them at CVS, the plastic ones. They spin, or will B has them crests. That's your own head. Not even $10, $7. $7.

They vibrate. Get yourself one of those, right? Put a plastic bag over the end of it, and you put that on a chick's clitoris. It's a fucking vibrate. Kill two birds at once, don't. And then you brush your teeth with your dorsht. Now you brush that pussy before you go down it with a fucking vibrant killed two birds at once down and then you brush your teeth with your brush that pussy before you go Down it with some

Fabilis story. Can I confirm and deny your what's going on? I've done it That's why my favorite thing to do is what I do with the guy at the moment is I have a little bullet things Yeah, and I don't I'm from behind hands and knees. I put that on the front He's going from behind the hardest come you'll ever have like he even you not us No, no, no, no, no, when I come he comes straight away because it's crazy. The comments hard. It's like He's got a boys in vest get one of those things Vibrator on a clitz could clitoris while you're fucking her is The ultimate for I mean she will shoot she'll shoot her pussy will shoot

Like she comes rubber cement Come on a common here definitely gonna come cuz you tripped Got you going to me I'm gonna have his when she's on all fours like they're the big ones. So you don't think of fast No, it's wet keeping it wet pressure. It's not it's not the movement. It's a pressure for me That's why you were thumbing there. You got to put some real what do you know about She says no she has no nerve endings in her Clotos

Bada she took a ship over here from Australia. It's like an old burlap sack. She paid with pussy legs One two three Do it and they get to the gummy center What? I'm going with his tutsi pop thing. No, now like you're fused. You did a tootsie pop reference. I'm getting punished for getting your reference. That's the boy you are. Yeah, she was. They put that around you.

Interception. See, that was fucking karma. I get fucking beat up because I got your dumb tootsie reference. Yeah, and I don't like your white fives. I'm trying to see you. That's a fucking bullshit bandana. Well, I already did it. I get fucking beat up got your dumb to see that like your white That's a fucking that's a bullshit bandana. Well, I hear did the old please send us yeah, I want emails I want emails I want sexy emails the Show I'm gonna be female fans I want to I really want to choose a girlfriend in the row with a fan I don't I know I don't. I'm joking.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, there's a lot of girls. Girls, please email Joe. Yeah, would you please? What suck is dick on the road? He'll eat you pussy from underneath. And apparently he's very good at it. Yeah, I don't really want to cheer my girlfriend. Yeah, what do you want? Why are you

fucking pants in my mind? You got fucking gloves on. I kind of want to jerk off of the boxing. No, you don't. Why not? Stop saying no, I don't to everyone. Everyone you got the. I kind of want to drink it off of the boxing no, you know Why not stop saying no, I don't do everyone. You got the you don't want to drink off of this. I would hurt Dan's already trying like snipe scheme Go listen to us riddle so guys listen to me all right I'm gonna try to work out Joe coming to Denver. Yes. I would love to work Oh, please email the podcast and what you think the best way to video, if you can send a video.

Yes. What the fuck happened to this competition? Everyone. You were the one who had all the emails. Could they all get any emails? I didn't get any emails. Well, I emailed you directly. It was your email address.

Here's the fucking deal. We got one. Pasha. We got one what? We one guy sent in music stuff and he said that he emailed you. He emailed me to say, I said, Bobby. I probably didn't check the email. Yeah, when you were specifically telling people to email you.

Okay, here's a deal. Everybody, the contest. What was a contest? It was in Christmas. All right, here's a deal. Fuck it. New contest. We have two packages to give away. Yeah, we did. One with a flashlight, T-shirts, book,

Bandily on the other hand. Signed sheet book, right? Yeah, and the Bandily on the other hand. Bandily on the other hand. Everybody gets a bandily. That one has a yeti microphone from blue microphone To fucking brand new yeti you can do your own podcast remember the while of song the guy That was a one guy we got I really gonna end the show because these two fucking mourns ones punching Themself in the face the other ones jerking off with the box of gloves with one pant leg up

This is just getting ridiculous Okay, this show is fucking over but we're gonna do it I Yes, I want you guys to email I want you guys to oh god I could show big oh yeah, I got a thick piece Joe got a thick piece. He does so. Dude, he's got a Joe's got a thick ass dick. Joe, show us. That's right.

I think Kelly wants to fuck Joe. Kelly, Joe! Joe, would you, Kelly, would you, would you fuck Joe? If he didn't have a girlfriend, he wasn't a comic and I wouldn't have to see him wake after wake, probably. What about the face? No, he's adorable. Joe's fucking adorable.

I got a good face. Nothing wrong with Joe. Great face. Bad teeth, bad face. Nothing wrong with Jalette. I'm a bad teeth bad Bad teeth No chin still got all his hair the face is good. Yeah, isn't that part of the face whatever the eyes It's all about the eyes. Can we get some female fans sending us naked pictures? Come on. What does it mean or if or male fans having their girlfriends? Well, you want to give you your email out over the phone and podcast.

Well, they I have a Facebook message. Can't do it. I can't give him on on Facebook. Dan Soda.com. Send a message on that. I can't. I can't. You have enough.

Do you have somebody say that to you? You have enough. Yeah, no, I say that to myself every morning. Listen, you have enough. I'm a little picky. You're a little picky. William and Mira wearing underwear. Stupid facet. Yeah, no, I say that to myself every morning listen you have enough You're in the mirror wearing underwear stupid fat And I put cigarettes out on my belly Trying to make a better belly button your stinks

Your belly button is you have an any outie. I've never seen it anything like you know the MTV They showed it on one of the opening of guy code. I saw that, me smelling my belly button. No, God, this is like 16 year old girls. Like, oh my God, what was wrong with this belly button? Not at dance, out there. That's the worst part about being successful with 16 year old girls is when you get older, you're done.

Yeah. Yeah, cause I, oh, they come up to me and say stuff like, oh, I used to love you. I was in love with you. I used to be in love with you No, she's 38 and she has fucking saggy tits. I was fucking I My type she's 38. It'll be 22 years from now. I think something will be long About the cancer you wish that I'm

I did wish that I didn't wish cancer It doesn't work with the glove on stupid That's why I love you. Did you wish that I mean wish cancer? I'm so proud. I didn't. No cancer. It doesn't work with the glove on, stupid. No. Not too late. Too late. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no what kind of animals are you? Listen, Kelly, we're doing a competition. Email Kelly at ryecast.com. T-L-O-I-Videos. Just send a fucking video. Hot cock.

I'd also like to know who the fans would rank the eating pussy contest. Because we didn't get a proper answer. I think I'm number one. You didn't say who's two and three. I'm three. I'm obviously number one. No, I think, please don't be offended at anyone. No, you're definitely number one. I'm gonna pass out. I have never had a fucking interview. I have a say to Bobby. I only cuz he's so passionate about it. I love the passion. I do like it I mean tricked where this this backward door it's fake. He's never

Dan is gay I guarantee Dan I guarantee Dan and Mark Norman fuck. Oh, it's a lot of I guarantee Dan and Mark Norman fuck I guarantee those Fucking you and it mark is too intelligent Or he just can't take the pain Mark me and I like Mark but he bugged me and fucking self by self west right touch your stuff I just was a quippy asshole. He's always a guy now, but I didn't know that I don't like I don't like on all the he's over here to dig and I was like Hey, man, good to see you. I wish you could say the same about you. Hey listen to listen fuck face is a sociopath Yeah, well shut the fuck up, but I do like him killed it at the nasty show

Thank God he was on the fucking show. That's all I have to say you said he wouldn't kill it then the killed I was in a truck in haze very funny guys fucking I keep believe he didn't get a half hour special. Yeah. Stupid. He'll get one next year. And he'll stand out among everybody. So it's better for him. But it's fucking.

Same thing I'm hearing with like, that stuff always happens with Mark like Montreal and he doesn't get anything with him. He's got Montreal, yeah. He's got Montreal. I'm telling you that kid's over. John Oliver Conan. Yeah, he's going to blow. He's doing all right. He he's gonna fucking fly by a lot of people next year. Amy Schumer. He's past it every club He does five sets a night literally past it every club. I think he's doing okay. Yeah, he's doing it

We're gonna help you sell it for a year. We need Nate per gatsy to be above if you are following Dan Soda Please follow Nate per gatsy Please we need we need We need we need even for just one day we just want Nate to be ahead of Dan Soda for one day on Twitter. We need you Whoever follows Dan won't happen. Do you hear that? It won't happen, Neapar Getzy. You moved L.A. and I got all the riches of staying here. I Procured everything Nate. I want to do my bad guy wrestling promo. All right, so Nade Bargazzi What's that's his Twitter right at night Marguerite see Kelly, what do you get? Emile Kelly at ryecast.com

Video of why you love the show video of why you how you eat pussy Whatever the song I don't give a shit girlfriend's tita anything email those to us I recall the actually email those Yeah, pictures of your girlfriend's titties or if you're a girl you make it email that to a YKWD at rikest You have a to mail folder on the right place do not email it to me. I'll follow it on. I'm trying to answer the right place. Do not email it to KelliItRiacast.com. You email it to me at ykwditriacast.com and I will get it to Joe and Dan and myself. I appreciate good tiddies. I went to Stripers doing.

You know, because I'm not going to fight now because you'll be like, I didn't want to send it to you because you have it a baby. And I know you want to walk to see it. And I'm done. Don't be so sweet. No, no, no, no. Can't be. Can't be. Can't be my friend too. Can't be my yellow. baby To see Don't is so sweet My god, see divas my that's my girl. Yeah, divas my girl. I love diva shut up man. I know I'm saying I'm a girl, but I was shut. Yeah, you better respect it. You better like the way she poops when I walk

I like that way should be pooping while I be walking I gotta end this I'm gonna pass out You could just keep going can't you? Guys I can't see the comedy festival in mid-iple. Oh, yeah, wasn't I supposed to do that with you? What happened? No, I don't know I emailed me I forgot about it. Oh, did he? Okay, let me go. All right, so you're doing that. That's great What do you got, Joe? Just need to Twitter, JoListComedy. At JoListComedy.

Yeah, man, check out his website, comedianjoList.com. Yeah, it's a Tumblr. Check it out. Tumblr! We got to give him the debit. Devin can make your website. I like my Tumblr.

It's free. It's easy. My dates are on there. My videos are on there. You don't need anything else. Yeah, Twitter is more important anyway. What's your vine? Salamash.

No, I don't have a, oh, my girlfriend's. Salamash. Spell it. ST-O-L-L-E-M-A-C. Yeah, are you eating pussy? I just fell asleep. Salamash. I am.

I am. I am. It's a bit of a sad time. It's a funny. Oh, see. Bring your girl next week. Yeah. All right. Oh, see. Bring your girl next week. Yeah. All right?

Seriously. Bring her next week. Well, she thinks she can do Kelly's job. I love the key. Can we just say how Kelly at the beginning was like, all right, well, everything comes to an end. Kelly was really doesn't want to be on the show anymore. Did you hear that?

Kelly doesn't want, you're done, aren't you? I love being on the show. You're done. I love being on the show. I love being on the show rubber If you didn't have to show what would you have Kelly? What's the gig you do every week? Good idea Bobby. Let's end this in the saddest note ever. Yeah, why? You got me when I was like so wait tables in my brain. You beat me down. I come out of my funk You know push me back down again Kelly talking about pussy's and kids I got excited across my legs for it By the way, yeah, can we get a den? Dan doesn't broken character in 25 minutes

If he broke character then he'd be Dan and he wouldn't be as funny Bobby just annihilating everyone as they close. All right. Oh. Why don't you go to communist no cigarette? Kelly, what is it? I said Jersey City, coming from the city. I'm doing the Jersey City Comedy Festival. I'm hosting on the Friday.

I'm doing the last show on Saturday. Come see me in Jersey City at the Jersey City Comedy Festival. Well, no, I'm hosting on the Friday. I'm doing the last show on Saturday. Okay. Come see me in Jersey City at the Jersey City Comedy Festival. Me and Mark Norman I think. Yeah, I'm hosting Norman, my Lawrence shunned only I think and sent you my... I think sent your mains on my show. Okay. I know Norman's online. So I'm looking forward to a nice little... Ah, dude, she get fat. Oh, when he comes on after me. I'm Denny here, right? There we go. Oh, Norman. Yeah, he said some shit about me, too.

Like I introduced him. You know what you do is, uh, nobody, I walked up and he goes, I give it up. Yeah, I'm following. What should I do? You know what you do is, Tom, we're gonna do a podcast and then fill pillowcases with soap bars. And beat you up.

No, but here's a,'s it here's it there. Ah fat fucking really? I should have fucking eliminated you off my show. I should have brought Dan. Yeah, you should. Uh, not dirty. You know, do a dirty joke. I'm dirty.

Pussy. Pussy. What's up with pussy? Yeah. They are wet. they are wet on the front. I'm not going down on them, but I will be fucked. By trust the girl, I will munch box all day. All right, check it out. Miniapolis, Minnesota, house of comedy,

at the mall of America. I'm gonna be there. You are. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. The fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh. Okay, I'm gonna be there. So make sure you tell a friend, it's a huge club, please, let's pack it up.

Tell everybody, come down, let's have a good time. Don't get too shit-fakes before the show. Get shit-faced after the show. Come, sober, get a buzz, and then leave. Go get fucked up at Dix, sporting goods. No, that's where you get clothing and hunting gear. A Dix last resort. That's where they come from.

Yeah, get a nice helmet and fucking napkin helmet when you're done after the show. You guys are great. Thanks for supporting us and everything, the podcast and our shows. You guys are showing up at Joe's show and in my shows and you guys are coming out and that we love that That's what we do this every week and that's why I have these assholes on and I they come on and you guys all I appreciate you

Come on every week and do this for nothing and you guys and if you come out and see our shows and tell your friends about the Podcast and tell your friends about our comedy and support us live that that that helps us out more than you'll ever fucking know So hey be positive. Be nice. But be funny. Nutri-Bullet? But be funny. Yeah, be healthy goddamn it.

Nutri-Bullet. Nutri-Bullet. I should see if we get free ones. Oh my God. Should I get one today or should I wait? You should get one today. Yeah, I don't think it's going to happen. I don't think they need us. But shut up, Kelly.

And we're gonna help. We're gonna help Kelly with her act. Yep. I would love that. Would you? Yeah. If someone put in a good word for me, so someone gave me... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no We're down homes not a word right in some jokes. We're talking about actually fixing what's wrong What what makes you think so

Why should I think I'm gonna do it on stage? That's not gonna be easy to convince her to quit I mean that's gonna really I'm kidding Kelly. We're gonna do what we're gonna. We're gonna do it. What'd you say you hate the what? I hate it. I hate the quick comedy jokes I really do it's the one thing that really fucking grains in my gear Is when people say you should quit comedy. I hate it. You shouldn't quit. Hey, hey, don't be being positive before I want you to make you so mad. I want you to quit. I want you to quit waiting tables Dude, so I have an option for you right now

Dan needs to lie down. He said wait you much coffee Dan needs to lie down. He said wait you much coffee My mom picked up that while you open up the gate to hell with that fat. That's what sounded like I Want Kelly I want you to quick I want you to quit you not comedy Listen, I want you I want you to quit your ways. You're some job That's what you should be. Yeah. I want right do you agree? I think I think I think she I Wish you job and become a dog walker. Okay, do it. Yeah

We done Dan you got another bullet in the chamber. It is smelly. Please don't make it smelly That was a cartoon fart. If you have funny, Dad, you shouldn't grab the back of my head and try to make it smelly. I think I shit myself a little. Hahaha. Hey, make sure you support our sponsors. That's right, you son of a bitches.

We have sponsors, kid. Make sure you go to ricast.com slash robber Kelly. Go to the website and buy all your goods, your needs, your tech stuff, whatever the fuck it is off of Amazon.com But use our link. Because every time you use our link, whatever it is, just use our link, because every time you use our link, whatever it is, just, we make money. You support the show. For nothing, stuff you're going to get anyways. So make sure you do that. Go to our page, on the right-hand side, and use our link. And go to GameFlight.com slash YKWD, get a two week free subscription to GameFlight, the

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You can keep the games after if you wanna, return them and get a brand new one. Gamefly.com slash YKWD. And make sure you, if you want to click the donate button, $5, $20,000, whatever you've got, you donate to the show. All goes back on the show. Like, have the graves. Constantly donate to the show.

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Leave them on a car, train, bus, no hotel room at work. Get a few pairs. Buy them for your girl, buy them for your wife, your friends, put one in your bag, put one in your pocket, have one at work, go right now, you can't, you can't not go because they're so cheap, price-wise, such good quality headphones, and you get 33% off. Tweakedaudio.com, use the code word, dude. When you buy, and you get 33% off, and free shipping. So there you go. Make sure you support our sponsors, and thanks a lot, guys. I think you're starting to stinkin' stinkin'

You know what I'm dead? I'm fucking fucking the one I'm the one You know what I'm dead? From this cross I'm the cross I'm dead You know what I'm sorry, I'm sorry You know what I did? Really, really, really, really You know what I did? I'm just stuck in a stick

You know what I did? Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face.