Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Stavros Halkias | Gabby's Last Show

Episode Date: November 1, 2021

This week Stavros Halkias joins Bobby for a Halloween themed YKWD as well sending off a long time member of the YKWD family! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa en preno, conocernos y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos lia. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la Dición Especial de Madrid nos lia. Un lumena que de mao, a Madrid.

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Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. He's back again. Old school, back in the day. We're all starting before them all. I'm being right, why can't I use this? Podcast is so fun and crazy. And there's no rules. Shut up, you're ruining this. Break the block, damn it, man. I'm so sorry. It's a comedy podcast. This is an NPR.

That's the podcast done. Is there any better show? This is the original. Original. What's up? I'll get you my pretty. What's up everybody? What's up, dude? It's YKWD.

Halloween edition. That's right. Halloween. Happy Halloween, my one of my favorite holidays, even though I can't have candy anymore. Man, I could have waited my son brought me home a bunch of candy and I could just rummage through it. Stuffed my face, I used to steal his Reese's and his twix, his suck them down

because my kid likes those tarts things. He didn't like the chocolate, the savories. He wasn't a chocolate guy, Mack and I were a chocolate guy. No, not at all. Tarts things you didn't like the chocolate the savories He wasn't a chocolate Maclaughty chocolate guy. No, not at all. We got of course you get my little kitten. That's right Yeah Listen man, Stavvy baby's back. I'm back good to be back Bobby. Oh my god. You look great. I love this look You look fucking I look like a little slut little kitty slut. You look like a baby I'm like, yeah. Do I look like a little slut, little kitty slut?

You look like a baby. Yeah. Oh my god, we could do so much with this. We absolutely could. Yeah, I could come in right to your apartment. That's right. You're on the fire escape. Oh yeah.

That's right. That's right. You get lucky little paws. You can, oh no. Who's that? Yeah. Smash cut, too. That nose is right up my ass.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, no, in the ass, balls in your mouth. We really couldn't find. No, it would not. No, none of us going to be hard. We've had so much candy. We've had honey pit. We've had to Korean barbecue. Could you imagine me just rolling on top of you on the middle of the night? Brutal. Baby. He'd be like, Brutal. Yeah, we, that's the thing that it's like, it's not that I'm against having sex with a person that's fat as me. I like all shapes and sizes.

Sure. It is more of a geometry problem than anything else, you know. Yeah, because you gotta have, you gotta have real, you know, and my dick is pathetic. You know what I mean? It's not, you need a real nice one to get to cut through the fat. I wish I had a nice one. But by saying it's pathetic, makes it okay.

Set the bar low. Set the bar low. That's what I do at my time. It's a master class. Set the bar low. Set the bar low. Yeah, yeah. I go out there and go,

hey, bring your expectations down. And then you'll have a good time, right? Absolutely. Same thing with sex. That's my sexual repertoire. I do it. That's how you do it. Well it's good to see you. I want to tell all the fans that Gabby's going to be not on YKWD anymore. She's moving on. She's got a, you know, she's, I love Gabby. She's my favorite. I love our, she was great.

She booked the show for a long time. She helped produce the show for many years. And she's got a lot of stuff going on. She's won an Emmy. She's making documentaries. She's got a pilot. So, and of course, we got new Nikki. New Nikki is the producer of the Wicked.

We was fucking kickass. But I, you know, I really love Gabby and all she did, but she's got a lot of stuff going on right now. So what's that? I don't know. What is that? Who is that? All girls check, I have no idea.

Fuck people are knocking. What the fuck is, what is that? It's Gabby. Gabby. Oh shit. What are you doing? Hi, Gabby. Gabby. Can I say Gabby? You look incredible. What?

This is a... I'm so sorry, Gabby. Gabby, this is the most I've ever been a try. I don't want to get... This is like a moment for you two, but I just need to say this. This is the most I've ever been a try. I don't wanna get, this seems like a moment for you too, but I just need to say this,

this is the most I've ever been a track to the Gabby in my entire life. I don't know what it is, there's some kind of genocent qual about you right now, Gab, and I'm gonna try and keep it professional because we are co-workers. Yeah. But please, and I'm just a complete respect to the podcast,

but if I, Bobby just said how busy you are, if you have time for like a dinner or a coffee or something, you wanna like hang out, let me know and for that I'll take my leave, but really you're ravishing. You're filling that top out better than I've ever seen you did in my life. I'm better than you, Stavros.

Whoa, okay. You know what, I kind of like being domed by you too. I'm gonna be honest with you, it's really working for me right now. Two years on the market. Do you need money? Yeah. Do you need what's your Venmo?

I don't need it. Okay, great. I have 13.4 K Instagram subscribers. I'm just here. Wow, they're subscribing? Can you talk it to the mic though? Yeah, you bring his mic up a little bit. Cause she's I mean she I'm sorry that you're leaving the show. I'm just better than everybody Bobby. Well I mean I don't know well I mean that's

okay. I've read the comments. That's a character choice. What do you mean you're better than everybody? I've read a lot of negative comments, I'm just not gonna take it anymore. I'm moving on. What would the comments say? They say I'm not funny. Yeah, they say I chime in too much. Or they say I don't chime in and off. Don't bitch.

Oh, that was me after the show. I just can't satisfy anybody. So I'm moving on. I feel the same way. I honestly think you could probably satisfy me the way you look right now. There's something about you. Something about you.

She looked like the Greek guy. Yeah. Yeah. That's what started you on. Yeah, she looks like every girl that ran her father's restaurant in my neighborhood that I jacked off to at Greek school. The same, the same five o'clock shadow is my first crush.

That's the only thing o'clock shadow is my first crush yeah sideburns sideburns long sideburns on a woman so I'm sorry to overstep I'm being so horny please you two have something to work out here it seems like that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that You're having you're having Hansel Souffle quick. We're having Bulgogi Hansel later later tonight if you're the witch. Yeah. Yeah. You're eating the breadcrumbs that they left.

Yeah. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. it for me. I don't even have to look at her just Yeah, I mean if you do you want to you want a date gap? I don't know if yeah, are you available? What's up? Are you single right now, Gab? I'm single Molly single. You're always single. Is that a choice on your end? I thought you had a boyfriend. I can date whoever I want Wow. You hear that Bob. Yeah, I do so are you looking for some side dick perhaps

Side dick front dick Really back for some side dick perhaps? Side dick, front dick, back dick. That's really back dick. What's back dick? It comes from behind. Oh, behind dick, even in the ass. I think back to be fucked in your fucking, you know, your spine. Yeah, maybe.

I feel like, oh. If that's what you need, I'll go in between your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your,'ll go in between your... You're a burger breaker. Yeah, yeah. You show the blade, fucker. Yeah. Whatever you need. I mean, it's not funny. If you... I'm surprised they haven't invented a new...

A burger breaker job. Well, I've done, I've... I've eaten armpit. Sure. Pussy and finger banged. You finger banged an armpit. No, so you finger bang think about yes, and then you eat the armpit like a pussy I love that and that was weird, but it really got to grow off Here's the thing and that other thing it wasn't me it was her thing of course of course

I was like I invented that I would love to take full credit for that You're the yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you've been studying the erogenous zones and you use the armpit That did it but no you had some very Specific instructions you followed. Yes. I had very as exact I mean, I would wonder if there's if you could I had a girl one time Just we can have sex but just in my butt cheeks cheeks a cheek job. Yeah, she told me She put cream in her cheeks And I could was she Mormon

She put cream in her cheeks. And I could... Was she Mormon? What is this? With someone, you would only put your dick in her butt, because I wanted to jump on the bed. No, she'd go in and out. She had a very good booty. So I put the cream in her, she did it.

She put cream, she literally reached her out and she said, just fuck my cheeks. Interesting. And I did that and it was phenomenal. You didn't remember, Drew? I was banging during AIDS. Sure. So this was nice.

There was a... Yeah, pregnancies. All that shit. A piece of mind to know a penetration. Before Plan B, where you had to pay like 600 to get rid of it. Oh, dude, you fucked after AIDS before Plan B. One of the worst times to be a slut. Ha, ha, ha, it easy. I'm desert storm being a slut. I'm drone slutting right now.

There's no fucking danger for me. I'm sitting somewhere. I'll never, I never want to ever get pregnant. I've never had a disease. Yeah. You know, I've been eligible, but you know, I'm just, you know, I'm just, we used to get crabs and throw them on each other.

I was just fucking, dude, stop, stop. Ah, fuck you, it's just crab. Yeah, crabs was nothing of eating. We were so excited. No, crap. Yeah, yeah, crabs was nothing of eating. No nothing. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god I don't know what I would do. Yeah, I remember happen so when you could do something sexually that was a little different We didn't know I mean you you'd go home the next day be like man. I know she has a Yeah, yeah, there's no way armpits is where she started. That's not her list. She's not, that's not at the top of her list. She just puts the an asshole was out of the commission.

So she's just like, go ahead and just finger pop me. Wear these gloves, by the way. Wear these yellow dishwasher gloves while you do it. That is definitely somebody with AIDS. Hey, can you fuck my armpit? What do you think about that, Gabs? Yeah, yeah. Are you interested in getting an armpit job? What cream will we use? What does that mean? Well, you said you fucked her ass with the cream. Yeah, what is it? Cream? Who whip? No, it was a cream like a hand. A sex a sex cream lotion of some lotion. Okay. Yeah, nothing from the refrigerator

Wow, I think she's calling you fat Bob. Oh Why would you fat shame me in them? That's not like you Was it she's new she's giving improved keep doing it There's something in the head, you know what, maybe there's new producers, not that good. Some's coming to cut nannies. Not me, dude. A little kitty cat. Yeah, I can hit you.

Stop, that actually does something. I don't know why you're the cutest little chubby cat I've ever seen. Oh my god, dude. Thank you so much. Yeah. So, Gav, what do you think? How do you think Bob looks recently?

You think the diet's been working? Yeah, what is this? Is this the sixth fat? This has been the sixth fat for a few years. It's been the sixth fat since I was opening for you. Yeah, I never came back down. I tried. I got close.

You did. I got close a couple times. And one time, I got close, was on sex and drugs. Right. when I lost around 45-50 pounds. You were looking good you were drumming all the time and I Larry said you better get fat because you're supposed to be fat for this character right and I just said that my my addiction once you get to green line. I was fucking it's for it's for work dawn I'm trying to put food on the

table. You're eating ramen at four in the morning uh... you want to know how to do on max to star i guess you don't want max to have nice things that but why you eating salami with cereal because i'm trying to do my job yeah you're following the hillary swank diet for a million dollar baby you're just waking up at three a.m. to have protein shakes. It was it was bad.

And then the other time, what was the other time? There was a couple times I just gave up. Yeah. And I remember giving up. And one time was on the road. Yeah. And I was like, I'm nope. I had a, I think it was a fucked up show.

Yeah, yeah. One of those shows where like the fucking club didn't care about you. The fucking waiters and waitresses just for ass. What else? The security guys were bad, everything. No security. No security, right, right, right, right. You know what I mean?

I was like, I've been in this business a long time. Sure. And I was like, I went back to hotel in the only place that was open was like Chinese. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, fuck it. Let's do it, baby. Let's get some egg food, young,

some new towels with extra pork, a house rice, house rice. I'm interested, you're getting now, now I'm getting wet. House rice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's a house rice? It's where they throw everything,

everything you do. Everybody else thing. You know, they got to know what a house rice is. How good I should have been. Yeah, dude, a house right. Dude, is there anything better than when you're alone and you get the house rice and the bucket? Not the ball, plastic ball, the bucket.

The old school. The bucket, they pound the rice in. It's thick in there. They flap it, push it. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. So it's like, it's up, up to the top and the first couple of scoops,

then they push it down and they get like, it's dense brother. Oh, fuck. Gabby, you gotta go, we're gonna fucking bust in here. This is a fact, this is a fact guys, we're about to come all over each other thinking of a fried rice. This is a real poo-poo platter in here.

Okay. Hi. Hi. Hi in here. Okay. It's good. I mean, I remember sitting with the bucket of rice, and I had a spoon, and I remember just putting the sauce on top, and sitting in front of the TV in my underwear with sauce, and just scooping rice, and it was like never the TV in my underwear with Sopcara and just scoop and rice. And it was like never ending.

Oh my God. It was so, oh my God. It's incredible. My nipples are hard right now. It's so good. Yeah. It's so good. It's a tough disease to have.

It's a real bad one. It's a tough addiction, man, because you can get it anywhere so quick. I mean, yeah, especially when you're successful, when you're doing good. Yeah. And you can if when I was first coming to the city, I had to eat like ramen and shit. Right. I had no money. Right. But when I now that I have I can be on the road and I can order 70 dollars worth of Uber each. Oh, without even thinking about it. It is not even a fucking thing. Right?

Whatever. Oh, yes, brother. Yeah. We had some great, we had some great We had some great when I caught I caught you in all phases and I just remember one time it was me you and Joe I don't remember where we were and it was like the kind of thing where we're like, ah, you know We're not that me and Joe are like yeah, we'll have a little sum and you might have ordered enough for like a Retirement party. It was like someone was getting something catered It was like every app it you're like, uh, some appetizers. Every appetizer they had, a couple sandwiches, you're like, this is a little man.

Well, you know, a little bit half. We'll split them up. And it was just like, all right, here's, we're, while we're in. And I was just like, I looked at Joe and I was like, I'm in, bro, I'm sorry. I was like, I'm not. I was telling Joe, I was like, I think I'm gonna try

and be healthy this week. I was like, immediately, no. Dude, that's the one thing I could count on you, as you'd break easy. I would break very easy. You knew it would break easy. I mean, I was so bad, but you would, I would throw some bim-bop bim-your-way.

Second, you said anything. Yeah, anytime I said, okay, and you'd break, and we'd be fucking fast. I'm doing the version of where you were doing to Don, where you're like, come on, it's for my job. I'm like, I don't want to offend him. He's helping me out. I can't, it's my internal mall, I can't offend Bob.

He's doing everything for me. He's helping my entire career. I don't need this binbub. He might be fucking back in Baltimore before I know it. You know, that's what I'm telling myself. I gotta eat these dumplings. We've eaten a lot of dumplings. My god have eaten a lot of them. I miss dumplings. Do you like dumplings? I love dumplings. Oh god.

Just shot out of it. Yes. I'd like to sound like a little munchkin to kapoo. Don't like sounds like a little munchkin took a poo That's I see why you got to go That's the kind of stuff you need on your own platform Bobby can't own your intellectual property Yeah, but the wide-gate they be do you can't have access to dumpling sounds like a little midget took a poo or whatever the fuck You just said you need that for your Twitter I was the chat is that they? Yeah, how's the chat taking Gabby's? Somebody said Gabby looks great. So we share it, we have the same opinion. So they, so they're good. Yeah, I mean,

if anything, never better. So somebody else did say, is that a witch knows her Gabby's clip? That was a clip. Oh man. If that was on a woman's vagina, what would you do? I'm in there. But just on the side. If I've already seen it, I'm in. This?

Yeah, yeah. I'm not talking the whole thing. I'm talking this. I'd tickle it and see what we get. Maybe that's the fucking secret spot. I would tie dental floss on it and kill it I would choke it out over three days and then I would try to find it freeze it like a wart Like when you get the fucking wart be gone. I try to find it

I'd stick a little I'd stick a little man a little metal in it on the top and then I get a magnet and try to find it in the bed And it would stick to the bed. I Just put a little apple cider vinegar on that over the course of a couple weeks. I'm gonna have a dry off. Where did you learn that, Gab? My dad. I love you, dad. You know that, right?

I love you. I'm gonna miss you guys. Oh, thanks. But not the fans. Oh. Yeah, fuck them, right? Doing my own thing. Wow. Wow. Well, you heard it here, folks. Oh, yeah, fuck them right doing my own thing

Wow, well you heard it here folks Gabby's not gonna miss you. Yes Gabby's not gonna miss the fuck them right I have an Emmy That's right you do that's right smaller than a normal one is it still an Emmy is it smaller? Yeah Transform Something else came out during that. So Thanksgiving's coming up. Yeah. Thanksgiving is, I can't wait. Did you beat that in my house on Thanksgiving? I have.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What'd you think? I liked it. It was good. It was a small one. It was a low-key one. It was like me, you, Norton. Yeah. I don't remember what was going on but it was nice What do you do for Thanksgiving? I?

Actually, I know we've I've mentioned Korean barbecue a hundred times, but that is that's the Korean barbecue holiday for my family You guys do Korean barbecue on Thanksgiving well because Greek people Thanksgiving's not it's nothing for us We don't fucking know about paint you know, it's the ins and fucking pilgrims and shit like that You know like our eating holidays Easter. So it was never big in my family. We know, no one really gives a fuck. So me and my brother, my parents don't even care. Me and my brothers just get together.

We have Korean barbecue, we go, you know. So you had it like in school, had to make like, turkeys. No, no, no, no, this is recent. This is a recent, but yes. So when you were a kid, you had, when we were a kid, we would go to like, other Greek families we'd get together. We would just kind of have, but no, you and you when you were a kid you had where we were a kid We would go to like other Greek families we get together

We would just kind of have but no you know we'd have like a lamb my parents would make a lamb for not a turkey No, my dad hated you guys fucking you guys fuck up lamb. I love land. Why why is lamb? I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. It's in my fucking DNA It's you guys you like clam, you know fried clam strips You know you like clam, you know fried clam strips That's long island where the clam where the whole clam the whole clam nothing but the clam I swear to god the clam. I don't know how that goes, but that's how it goes. Do you like that Gabby? I like it I'm a little baby lamb with this sweater on

That's true, Gab You're not can you dance for us a little? Wow like my little baby lamb sweater there There we go. Sexually a raster on the way out. Yeah, she's not an employee anymore. The same size tits. Yeah, um, they do look the same. But everything else I'm loving, everything else is an improvement. Oh, you love that big Greek nose.

Dark eye sockets. love and everything else is an improvement. Oh, you love that big Greek nose. It's like a Greek nose. Dark eye sockets. Yeah. Fucking dark and the little hair around the belly button just turns you right on you. That's right. You little Greek boy. I'll follow the happy trail.

Yeah, you're like something that looks like a lamb. Yeah. I'm trying to sheer you before I fuck you. So, you go home. Yeah. And you have Korean barbecue now. But so that's you. So you go home. Yeah. And you have Korean barbecue now. But so that's recent. When you're a kid, you celebrate.

Yeah, yeah, we would do, you know. Yeah. Like we'd go to a family friend's house and they would make the turkey and we would make lamb because my dad couldn't stand turkey. I'm not a turkey guy. You don't like turkey. The first time I had turkeys when I went,

I had an American girlfriend in college and I went to her family's house What is an American aren't you American? Well, you know, I mean just a non Greek like well she was something like a Polish yeah, yeah, yeah, but I don't like that you try to make yourself. I'm a Mediterranean American now I know that you I was thinking about it. I'm not even, you know, now I've, you know, it's all the same, but that dude, I'm trying, when I grew up, it's like Greek town.

It's like, we really were sort of like, in our own little world. Like, we thought of people as American that we thought of ourselves as Greek and we looked at everybody else as American. What is Greek town? Where is Greek town? It's in Southeast Baltimore.

Southeast, how many blocks is it? It's literally seven by nine blocks. Seven by nine blocks. Seven by nine. Yeah, it's like a little fucking... And it's all Greek. I mean, it was, you know, from the 60s to maybe the 90s, 2000s. And then what happened? It's got, I mean, there's more immigrants.

It's more immigrants. No, not hipsters. Hipsters aren't interested in our fucking neighborhood. It's like other immigrants, because it's still like, what? Like, what? You know, like... Indian Central American? No, no, like Mexican. Right, go out and model that kind of stuff. Right, right, right, okay. neighborhood it's like other immigrants because it's still like what you know like uh... in the essential american no like

mexican you got a lot of that kind of stuff right right okay yeah and greek all the greek people it's so fucking hilarious because there's greek people that are mad that immigrants are stealing their neighborhood and it's like okay motherfucker they're like that don't speak english you can't ha't know what the fucking big deal is. You still 7 by 9 blocks.

We still are from Polish people, it was called the hill before that was German and Polish. No shit. We came in fucking diner central. Well that's what happens. That's why there's a ton of Mexican food in Texas. Well that's because it is Mexico. Texas is Mexico. We took Mexico. That's actually the reverse. Yeah, but we took it and we made it better.

Yeah, I don't know. I was just in San Antonio. We were, it's kind of, we're, I think we've been better off just fucking. If we let the elves, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have we been fighting the Alamo? Yeah, I mean, they still lost. Yeah, they lost.

Didn't we get it back like a month later? I don't know, maybe. It's not like that. We're not history buffs. We're not history buffs. Now, let's just say it. We did. Yeah, a month later, they got it back like a month later. I don't know maybe it's not like that. We're not his three bucks when I history Buff, let's just say it we did yeah, I got it back right gaps right I Never forget the element That's the other one that's the one down the street gaps Your dad's band had a song. Yeah, yeah, drop through the heart. That's not that. No. Shut through the building. Yeah.

So, that's crazy. Now, Greek towns, it's weird too, because Chinatowns, little Italy's gone here. Yeah, yeah. It is really small, for sure. Little Italy here. Yeah, it's really small now. It's only a couple restaurants that, you know, whatever. It's mostly Chinatown. Chinatown now, Chinatown to get over. Which I love Chinese. It's a metaphor. I love Chinese culture.

I do, I love their food. Can't fuck with it. I know, it's a bad thing. There's nothing better than going down that little street with all those neon signs at night. And I love that their food is so good, they don't need pleasantries. What do you know what it means?

The fucking service of a Chinese restaurant is horrendous. It's horrendous because they think it's because their food's so good, or they just, that's them. I think that's that. I think it's a little bit of both. They had to survive, and it has to be so good that you don't care how rude they are. Like I took my mom to get Chinese food,

great Chinese, best great place here in Chinatown, it's a place noodle village, so good, great place. She loved the food, she was like, I did not care for the service. She was like, I've been a waitress for, you know, 15 years, I would never treat somebody like that. And she was like, I never wanted to go back. And I was like, was the food good?

She's like, it was really good, but I'm just now. I don't want to do the things. What did they do to her? Did you shoot? Yeah, they're short. Yeah, they're not like people now. You know, you just like order. You know, it's like, yeah, they got to go.

They got to go. Yeah, I'm trying to turn dumplings over. What is the Victoria dumpling? Is that it? I don't know. What is the dumpling place here? What do you mean? Hey, Siri.

Vanessa? Vanessa dumplings? Come on, five minutes. Vinesse. Vinesse dumplings come on. Siri, five minutes. Let's give Siri a break. If you need dumplings, you come to me. All right, let's say. It's Vinesse.

It's Vinesse. It's Vinesse. I was so sorry. Naster. You almost, you almost, you know, you almost offended me, Bob. But. Good panda, I apologize.

Kung Fu Panda. I asked you forgiveness. That's okay, you forgiven. So you look like, you look like Kung Fu Panda. That is true. I'm a show that just gave out. Yeah, Vanessa's dumplings. Vanessa's, yeah. My first time in there, dude, it was a fucking shit fest.

And they're so short. What you want? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I'm fucking that. I just pointed to dumplings. Of course. time in there dude it was a fucking shit fest and they're so short we want oh my god fucking that I just pointed the dumplings of course and I wound up getting a sandwich too which I didn't even know it was how good is that fuck dude those are incredible with the fucking the sesame bread oh the sesame bread yeah the pork yes oh yeah brother brother brother I'm so fucking hungry right now on me too I can't wait we got a little dinner coming out. Yeah Well, we'll do a little bit of that. My lord. There he is

As you're right there. That's me spiritually. You should do that for I should just gonna do you know I gotta be real careful with the why how the black doesn't run. Yeah You know you gotta keep the white to black ratio Make it very clear your pan though. I don't know. I've never seen this on a woman just to put a black eye and like a fat lip and just be a battered wife Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's an easy one. Well, that'd be a good. I've never seen it. I've seen it really or maybe you've seen a real Stop, don't see hit me You didn't know I'm just broke a lot of tables. Oh my God Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, The noodle is a tough one man. The noodles are tough. You like noodles, Gab? I could take them or leave them. Oh, wow.

I like rice. You like rice. You're a rice person? I love rice. You have vegan, right? Sure. Oh. You don't know yet.

You might go back to meat. My favorite thing to put on rice is a wet cell phone. Nice. What? What? What? That's awesome, Gab. What I'm trying to see is I dropped my phone in the toilet. No, we got it. I think we wasn't. It wasn't that. No, we got it. You know, we're good. It came across. Oh, we went right across. We snagged it. We put it back down. We let it keep going.

We put it back down, we let it keep going. Yeah, it's now you now you've lost weight, brother. Yeah. And now you you put it back on. I'm on the road again, bro. That's the thing. It's like the pandemic was fucking great. Like the end of it when I stopped freaking out, because the first the first you're like,

everything I've worked for is gone. You know what I mean? You're like, I have to be inside. I can't tour. It's all gone. But then when I like made peace with it and I started, you know, I gained a lot of weight doing pandemic, then I lost it all and then a little bit more.

How much did you lose? I lost 50 pounds. Wow, 50 pounds. Oh my God. Yeah, that's a lot, man. It was a lot. And I loved the way I lived, too, because it was like, once standard was gone

and it's just like, all right, I can't do it, then you start living like a normal person. You sleep regular, you have regular meals. Is it a weird thing? And I was honestly, I was a lot happier. I hate to say it because I love stand up. And so now I'm back on the road because you lose half your income, you just got to be out there all the time.

I was petrified when it first happened. And it was hilarious to me the amount of people that were didn't care because they were fine. Like financially. Right, right, right. And they looked at me like you should be fine. And it's like I am, but I'm not. Of course.

It's a year's worth of touring. Even if you're doing well, it's like, if it happened the year after, I would have been fine. Right, right. Because I had such a fucking great lineup. Right, right, right. I would have been perfect. But whatever, it did, it have been perfect, but whatever.

It did, it happened to everybody, you know. Of course. But it was, when you did, it was so funny, when you did get used to it, when you accepted it. When you accepted it, and then you're like, well, what does my life look like without stand up? I was with the kid and the wife and the backyard. Yeah.

Fucking home at night, dude, home at night on Friday and Saturday night was shocking. I know, dude. It was weird to sleep regular for like three weeks in a row. For the first time for, I mean for me it was like you know 10 years for you. It's probably fucking God knows you know 20 something. 20 something years. Yeah, that's like insane. And then you're like, oh, my body feels better.

Like just everything is better. I don't like I'm not groggy. I'm not whatever. And then I get back on the road and I'm like, oh, my body feels better. Like, just everything is better. I don't like, I'm not groggy, I'm not whatever. And then, and then, I get back on the road, and I'm like, you know, I'm gonna have a little balance. It's just, you get back, and it's like, it's so grueling, the fucking traveling, just your body, the sleep schedule, all this shit. So I think, my plan is just like, go hard when I'm touring,

you just admit to yourself, this is what it looks like. But then, take time off in a way that I never would have before. So take a couple months off and just like re-center all this. I wish I could. I wish I would take a month off or so. I did have that thing in the summer. I would take June, July and August off. Hopefully the summer I can do it again.

But I just can't do it. I got to get back into it. But I found that once I stopped making food, a friend, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? It is a friend on the road for me right now, where you're like, I'm gone every weekend

and you're fucking lonely and it's like, I don't wanna stay out all night. I'll just, if I'm gonna go back to the hotel, I'm not gonna stay out and try and like, you're gonna fill the gap with like, trying to fuck or by like eating like shit. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's either drinking drugs.

Fucking, or eating. Yeah, that's the thing she's got. I don't know why I stole your, I love it though. I stole your habit. It was both of my- And I added fuck. I like, you improved it.

I improved it. I went drinking. I went like, I went in drugs. You gave me it. I went I went drinking I went like I went. I went. I want to drink you. You give me the little I want to drink a drugs and then a food and then I went fucking yeah. What do you think of that? Yeah. Who the shocker. That's not the shocker. Yeah. How wide is your pussy? How big is it we want to know it's perfect You have a picture of it That's the fact just shows right now into that camera directly please You kicked off YouTube because of his Gucci

This fucking his hairy Greek Gucci so Harry Greek Gooch. So, oh man, you are ravishing though, Gabby, I do want to say that again, thanks. How's your lips? Juicy. I think it's fucking crazy. It's just weird. Yeah. Um, yeah, dude, I, once I stopped making food, my friend, because what was happening is that same thing. I said, I don't drink. I'm not gonna go out. And I get back to the hotel and I would order a friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

And the guy, you know, you can see the guy coming, like a video game. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You see it being prepared by me, I was like, yeah, yeah. You know, I get ready and I'm sitting on the end of the bed and I try to time it perfectly to meet the Uber Eats. So I walk out, he's pulling up, I get the bag, I turn, I go in,

and I get in the elevator. I don't, oh my god, and I open, and whatever movie's ready to go, and I get there and everything's boom, and I get a towel, and I put it on my movie's ready to go. And I get there and everything's boom, and I get a towel and I put it on my lap for a napkin. Ow, respect. Yeah, because I don't have to, oh dude, I mean, I've had to throw towels out. Cause it looked like I murdered a child.

It looked like I shit my pants or killed somebody. You know what I mean? No fuck. And just start eating and it's like, it's almost like you're talking to each other. Like, yeah, like, you're like, hmm, this is so good. Yeah, yeah, literally. It's Wilson on in fucking, it's an edible Wilson. You're like, what do you think Mr. Lomaine?

Chicken wing has some another opinion on that. And it's like, you know, it's, uh, and you're crafting it bite, you're like, a little bit of a little one, like one bite out. That Christmas part. Oh my God. This is getting me fucked. Dude, that's the problem is like, I, the best moments

of my life are at the tail end of that meal. Yeah. When it hasn't hit your system. Yes. And you have about 20 minutes. Yes. Enjoy the Yes. And you have about 20 minutes to enjoy the movie. And you have felt no, you feel like Mario with the fucking star. You feel invincible in that moment. You're like, this can't hurt me.

And for a second, you're like, maybe I won't feel like shit. Yeah. Maybe from now on, I can eat this and it won't affect me negatively. And then, you know, 45 minutes later, you're fucking shitting yourself. Maybe my feet won't swell up. I might take my socks off and it looks like somebody was straggling my feet. Maybe, maybe I won't have a heartburn.

And then murder somebody for a thumbs in the lobby. I've looked for a thumbs under the bed. Like I had such bad heartburn. I was looking for someone else's thumbs that I would hate if I could have found something. I'm like, I had to be another fat guy I have this drop of time. Yeah, yeah, yeah This bed is a little too creaky for there not to be the fact I sleep in at some point dude It's so what the worst part is yeah, I've tried to get around you whisper

Here She's pretty attractive Gabby Irmuffs Gabby the worst part. Oh wow word party. Oh, wow. You're so dainty. I don't know what you guys are talking about. I like salads. And like salads. Yeah, dude, that I have never found anything like truly, that is the happiest I am. Is when I'm being a piece of shit, having a fucking fucked up meal, watching like a game

a basketball game or a movie or like truly in terms of the joy like the joyometer. It's the f***** it. That's f***** it. It's as good as it's so it's a different and it's like because like killing on stages one thing but it's like a more active, like, you know, it's kind of stressful little, you know, you're doing something. This is passive, this is fucking relaxation. It's all you. It's all you and your fucking vices. And like, oh, the killing on stage is awesome. It's everybody.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. It's a different, it's a different sensation. You get back in there, great, great show, awesome. Get back there and get to the hotel, open that door. And then, and you know what, they're hotel, open that door. And then... And you know what, it's kind of like a yin-yin thing, because that shit is like, you're up when you're killing. And you need to come down, and the other shit is almost like

heroin-dense shit. It feels like I feel like a fucking Chinese guy in an old painting, just, you know what I mean? So I can open him down. I'm just like, I'm not a wood bed on the floor. But yeah, yeah, yeah. But. And I'm just eating this stuff. But it's an entire bacon pizza and fucking fucking wings with ranch.

Bacon pizza. And fries. Bacon pizza, bacon pizza. Bacon pizza. Bacon pizza. Oh my fucking god. Good Christ, I'm gonna be. Best pizza, best pizza.

I'm with you, I'm in. What is the best pizza? What is your best, best pizza? I know mine, what's your best pizza? You know, I really like when I go pizza, my traditional one is a pepperoni mushroom. Baba, take those mushrooms off there, take that fun guy, take that fucking fogoo,

take that fucking. Well, I see it as a, it's like a part of a complete situation. I understand. Cause we got a chicken wing coming in. We're talking my ideal setup. We got chicken wings. Ideal, ideal after show. You, whatever the fuck you want. I'm, when you're gonna make the perfect friend after a show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They didn't know like they didn't. Weird science with the woman. Yeah. But we like that, Gabby. Oh, yeah.

It's really nice having you here, Gabby but I just I have some feminine energy while we're over here discussing this I love this pizza talk guys. It's getting you getting you charged up. Would you say I love it? I love it My favorite pizza Yeah, anything like anything as long as the crust is stuffed Right like something else would you say like me? You would like the stuff crust like you. That's all, or yes. That's awesome. Thanks.

Well, if you're looking to get stuff again and again, I'm the last time I'm going to pitch this, I would be willing to stuff you later after the show. So just keep it in mind. You don't have to say yes right now. Do you like Chevy guys? Before it was a definite no, but you know, you're warming up. Oh, nice. Hell yeah. I love that. Do you like Chevy guys? Before it was a definite no, but you know, you're warming up.

Oh nice, hell yeah. I love that. Do you like Chevy guys? I'm down for whatever. Oh nice. I never got that vibe for you before. And me neither. Yeah.

She's off. She left. Yeah, so you're perfect lineup. Perfect. First off, I want to go to the pizza. My perfect pizza Hit me with it is pepperoni just a plate here the pepperoni, but I would like it There's a pepperoni pizza up where I live at heart still pizza house pizza. I believe it's all give him a shout

I get a plug get a free pizza out of this. It is I don't want it. I don't want a free. I don't want a free Yeah, I want to pack I want to never ever want a free pizza from these people. I want to pay You little pay pig yeah, you little you're fendarming you right now. You're like can I pay extra? You're I'll pay you 50 for a piece. Oh, yeah, I pay them double. Yeah It's a there it is. Oh my god. I'll pay him dude There it is. Oh my god. I'll pay him dude. Wait. Oh my god. This is why I got the little fucking crispy croc Cops the little cops right? I like I deal of a pizza dude, but you know what's on it what spicy honey sauce Spicy it's spicy literally about to beat off so when you bite into that pizza dude

Spicy literally about to beat off so when you bite into that pizza dude It's sweet And a little spicy We need a break Look at that pizza dude that thing is fucking gorgeous. That's an ingoturtle pizza. Yeah, thanks gab. Thanks Oh, I wish you didn't have to leave. That would be my pizza. I mean, yeah, but let's be honest here Bob. You're being ridiculous. Why? Because we're talking after a show. Okay, we're talking. We're not talking. Oh, you're talking. That was pizza. Your ideal pizza. I see. I see. Okay. Yeah. I'm with now. That's it for me too, by the way. Okay. That pizza your ideal pizza. I see I see I'm with now

That's it for me to by the way, okay, that's the ideal pizza. I love I love the square I love the fucking the little fucking heft on the wings that come on Italian wings that come with that dude I got the wings with it and that pizza fuck my face with I do absolutely and and I can't wait till Don and Max pass out because I go back out on that Oh, it's shameful. Toaster oven everything I have a tray that fits two slices and wings. Yeah, I toast to everything and I would sit I would get a movie like some inappropriate fucking just fucking death movie dude Well that absolutely because the thing is I so if I I can't even imagine

Eating like that with like anyone around let alone a child that you want to look up to you. You know what I mean? Like, if I had a son, they cannot see me going on a fucking pizza and what. He only sees me eat the, I get a, I get a, I, I, what's what I'm saying? I get a salad and a slice. It's ingenious. In front of him.

Yeah. And as soon as those, as soon as I heard, right, fucking, as soon as I hear a tut out of my wife's asshole, she's in a REM. Brrrr. Brrrr. Brrrr. Brrrr.

I'm fucking in. Yeah, dude. And I go fucking deep. But the ideal meal after a show. Yeah. Show. Killer show. Killer show. Great show. show great show. Awesome Saturday night

Saturday night. Yeah, you're not leaving early in the morning, right? But you're leaving. You got a nice one PM flight. One PM flight. Everything's good on Sunday. You're back. You're good. You packed You're good. You come back to the hotel Saturday night It's 11 30. Ooh 11 30. You got a little more options. We got more options. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That 12 is big. 11.30. You know that. Absolutely. What do you get? This is tough, right? Because I think one way to go is you've this Saturday, you've checked out the comedy club's menu a little bit.

You've scoped it out. You know? You see what's going on. But you've also, you're looking, you're looking around. You've also made, you've made at this point a nice, they like you, the waiter likes you, maybe the fucking cook, I'll throw you a little sum extra, I'm saying. So one way to go is you make some kind of fucked up smorgasborg from whatever's on the menu. You're like, I need a bacon cheeseburger,

I need two mozzarella sticks. I want you to fucking throw wings on there. And half a fucking curly fries, half fucking, you know what I mean? And here's the thing with that. Yeah. You're gonna be talked about. You see that?

Okay, there's the thing with that. You will, hey, what does you want to star roast? Yeah, I think, I mean, this is the thing. I think that feeds into my, I'm trying to establish myself here. I want to be the fun little,

little fucking chubby, little chubby guy that wanted a very specific order. I was like, oh, that guy's crazy. He wanted this, you know what I mean? Here's why that's not gonna work. I think we're in a different point in our lives. Here's why that's not gonna work for me. Okay, because no matter when you get it,

it's gonna be cold. That's a good point. That's a great point. That's a great point. That's a great point. Okay. I'm talking, we're talking this out, brother. We're talking this out. We're talking this out.

We're talking this out. You know, there's no bad ideas in brainstorming. We gotta get to the fucking man. We gotta get to the end of this, dude. Yeah, I like this. This is a great point. I cannot eat that. It's like, that shit needs to go into my face when it's hot.

I agree with you there. There's nothing worse than a fucking cold onion ring and a cold G stick. It's like that shit needs to go into my face when it's hot. I agree with you there. There's nothing worse than a fucking cold onion ring and a cold G stick. It's a great point. And a cold wing. Fuck that. Here's what I do. Hit me.

Hit me. I'm trying to learn here. And I've done this. Yeah. Hooters. Wow. Orders. You can order a 10. Doesn't it? you can order a tin

You can order a tin of wings. Oh, baby. I love this a tin of wings. You're putting me on right now a tin And Daytona you want Daytona is no they put them on the grill so they're crispy. Woo! So, yeah, so they're... Ooh, cheers! See you there. So you get the wings. Yes. Get them Daytona. I've loved them. They throw them back on the grill so they burn up so they're crispy wings. Like a double crisp, almost like a Korean wing.

And a double fry them. 50. 50? You know why? Oh, why? Do you have to eat wings and you wish had another one? Of course. And you're like, I don't.

You're never with 50. Yeah, you got me there. Yeah, I think you might never with 30. It's only 20 more bucks. Not even. You know, Sammy 30 you might I've I've eaten 30. I've eaten 30. I've eaten 30. Yeah, I've eaten 30 wings. Respect dude. I've eaten 30 wings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm with you. 30 is, you're right. To be absolutely certain, we're looking at maybe 43. Yeah, I mean, you can't order a 43. Yeah. 50.

You go 50. Hey, Tonya, comes in a metal tin. No, no, a kutramal, no fry, no no. Whoa, hang on now. Okay, sorry. Let's settle down there, Johnny Brown. Okay. I order a small pepperoni pizza. Oh my gosh.

That's coming in. Oh Bob, this is fucking this is next level shit right now dude. I want that I want two different places. Why? Why? Why did you order from? You know what I can't you go from two. Why can't you go to two different places? Why does your brain go? I'll just order from here fuck that fuck it. I got some cash man I'm not a millionaire. I hit it my bonuses. Yeah, I'm not Billy Burr Yeah, I'm Bob Kelly and I can go hooters. What's 200 bucks local pizza place? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. I love that dude. I really like that pizza

Okay, and Yeah, right? I love that. Dude, I really respect that. Pizza? Okay. And once in a while, instead of pizza, I'll go chicken palm. Respect. So I'm rolling down a chicken palm on the sub, but mainly pizza. Mainly pizza. There's something about pizza and wings.

That's just a lot of stuff. Pizza and wings is no fun. Now, yeah, great. If you're gonna go nuts, if you're gonna go nuts, and I have done this. Let's go nuts, baby I will order dumplings. Oh

Because dumplings listen to me oh My god to dumplings to me. Mm-hmm. It's like eat nice cream. It doesn't even affect me It's nothing. I can flop them in and The epimon flop them and the it's like it never happened. I respect that because it's completely opposite to the kind of like flavor profile you're creating with pizza and wings. Dumplings, you've basically, what you've done is you have transported, you've delivered

a Chinese buffet to your hotel room. You have gotten, you have gotten, you know what I feel like right now? I feel like Salieri, and I'm like, I'm just like looking at Mozart I'm like how do you do it? How do you do it? I thought mine was more perfect.

You know what I'm saying? I'm like I never even considered this you know. You're gonna make me go insane. Yeah. You're a savant. I'm trying to say dude. Dude. You're gonna make me get sick'm trying to say, dude. Dude. You know, you know, you know, you know,

maybe we get sick. I was gonna die young, I'm gonna die at 30. But you know what, man, that order will live forever. I'll live to tell people about your, your takeout orders. Here's, they don't know where I'm buried. Dude, here's the only problem with that. Yeah. Is that, when you do order Chinese,

you have to order something else. Sure. So what I do is order a rice, but I don't fuck with the rice. Here's because the rice, again, is take up real estate, okay? The rice is for the next day, I can wake up in the morning and have it,

or order something for eggful young, sometimes I'll wake up and have eggful young in the morning. Egg, it's a, you're doing omelet. Egg would pour. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? I, I really respect that. I mean, I don't know what else you need. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? I really respect that.

I think I would go pizza and wings just because on the road, you're kind of guaranteed. That's you kind of know what you're getting there, right? Yeah, pizza and it's a classic and it's like, and I got it. Listen, I'm not there in my brain. I'm not advanced enough to go dumpling. I'm not ready for it yet. But I will go wing and the fry. I gotta get a fry in the mix so that I, you know.

Yeah, a dumpling of fry. Yeah, I think a dumpling for me goes down easier. And I respect it. For me, it's about constructing different bites, mixing them together a little bit. You know what I'm saying? With the dumpling, it's like, again, I feel like I can't, I'm not even ready to get that in the mix with pizza and wings.

I'm not prepared enough to do it. Well, you have to eat it. I need to go back to, I need to go back to study. You have to eat the dumplings first. You can't hold dumplings have to be hot and toasty. Yeah. You can't fuck it. You can eat a wing warm.

Sure. You can eat pizza warm. Sure, sure. You got to fuck with those dumplings right away. I'm the kind of freak that I'll even eat fries a little warm. They don't have to be yeah I don't yeah, I like a weird mushy soft fry. I don't mind a fucking fry like that But here's the thing I've gone down after all that and got ice cream of course I mean that you're not not getting ice to

Too better Incredible dude. Yeah dude. I woke up the next day and I felt like it was that was it two better. Incredible, dude. Yeah, dude. I woke up the next day and I felt like it was that was it. You have 10 days of recovery after that. I was on the plane the next day like I fucking did blow. Yeah. And heroin.

I was like, you want to felt better by yourself if you cheated on your wife. Oh, absolutely. And Dom would have felt better about that. Yeah, I've got a nice salad and got sucked off. She would have been much happier. I remember I threw up in my mouth when I was sleeping because I woke up and I didn't, because I ate a fat, all the food was up here.

There was just sitting there and I was lying on my face. So it came up as a acid reflux and I threw up just a little and it just enough puke and it's like, and you can't, it's like flam so it's in your throat and you're trying to get it down and you can't. Oh, I know. I know. I've had to walk around after to help digest in my hotel room.

I've had to take laps to get it to settle. Yeah, man. Have you had a hot hot burn or has or as a reflex? I have a private chef For what makes me all the right meals? Why sprouts? What you have to he makes you sprouts You remember sprout what I love about Gabby's you could just she might be taking a you know 15 minute breaks But the second you go to where she's ready to go

She's fantastic. You're rocking it. So now- I was a chat this- I was a- Somebody said, who's the new hot chick, and then someone responded, Stavros. That's true. Um,

Jimi- I wish that I won. What? Yeah, you can have those. Thanks. What, yeah, you should have one. You could have those. Thanks. So, yeah, food is, now I haven't had a carb or a sugar in over 15 weeks. Ooh, we.

Good for you, bro. So, that was the one thing I did, as I said, I'm gonna stop making food my pal on the road. Yeah. So, when I go back to the room, I would, it was really hard to eat. Of course. Of course. was really hard to eat. Of course.

It's hard to eat before the show. Some type of meal that's all right. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like healthy, like, same in a cell. I like that before the show. I like to keep it as, I like to just eat as much as I can to survive the show. Like yogurt, banana, like real, like, simple shit, like yogurt, banana, little fucking granola, something like that.

And then it's like, if I can just keep that momentum going But it's hard bro dude You know what I did when I first started doing this I was like dude you go to dinner at five o'clock like an old man Yeah, get a steak get to poor whatever money you have to spend you get a really good healthy meat Right right right or a barbecue chicken.. Something you can have, with no carbs, no sugars, just fuck, you eat it and you get two salads. And you eat really good, spend them, I don't care. Of course, because you're gonna spend it

on fucking ice cream, either way. Oh my God. You don't spend it on that, you know? And once I got the sugar out of me, I was good. And then now, like the last time on the road, I was good, I went back to the room, I was hungry, but I was like, I'll good. And then now, like the last time on the road, I was good. I went back to the room. I was hungry, but I was like, I'll just wait for breakfast. And I had that ability, which I very rarely have that ability. Absolutely not. And I would wait for breakfast, go

down and get a nice breakfast, and eat some bacon, and some eggs, and some whatever, some fruit. And I was good for the day. But that thing at the end, when you could, especially now with Uber Eats, the fact that you can just go on your phone and yelp something. It's awesome. You can type in. Yeah, you don't, because in the past, it's like, well, everything's closed, I'm fucked.

Yeah, but that doesn't exist anymore. It really doesn't. Somebody open. Yeah. I've been trying to go to grocery stores and getting, knowing, I don't like this. Knowing that like, I hate this, this is the Vos technique.

Well, but it's just knowing that something sinister is coming at night, if I don't have something at home. So I get like a fucking, like a yogurt, a Greek yogurt, like a, like a, like a kind bar that's like a little chocolate, but it's like, it's this or it's ice cream, right? It's full-fat Greek yogurt and a kind bar that's like a little chocolate, but it's like, it's this or it's ice cream, right? It's full fat Greek yogurt and a kind bar or it's ice cream, you know what I mean?

So I've been doing that to mixed results. I do that. I do Greek yogurt with no sugar with nuts. That's great. And that with a little raisin. The raisin is my sweet. That's huge. And it really does spark up your mouth

when you have a head sugar. You would have raisin, dude. it really does spark up your mouth, man. We've never had sugar. You would have raised it, dude. I bitten on an apple last week, dude. And I was like, oh, it tastes like sugar. I missed that, dude. I missed because I was eating so nice. And I was like, I was eating so much fruit. And I'm like, it's such a treat.

And I tried to have a strawberry. Like recently, I was like, this is dog shit. I need to give me a twizzler. Why is this fucking sucks, dude? It really does, dude. When you're eating shitty, oh, fruit sucks. Yeah, try this raspberry, no.

No, get out of my fucking face. It's hard, sweet. Yeah, yeah. I'd rather eat that chick's armpit out again and have a tart little piece of fruit. Go fuck yourself. Have a melon fucking no. Yeah. Is there a snickers on it?, go fuck yourself. Have a melon fucking no. Yeah.

Is there a snickers on it and go fuck your mother? Oh my god, I'm so hungry right now. I know, me too. Gabby, yes. What's your favorite meal? Well, like you're saying, fruit is nature's candy. That's what I like. That's what I like.

Yeah, all right. Big bowl of berries. Yeah. what I like. That's what I like. Yeah. All right. Big bowl of berries. Yeah. Not my chest. On your chest. Yeah. Why on your chest? It's fun. Really? Yeah. How'd you talk that out? Little whipped cream. A little whipped cream. Yeah. Really. Yeah. But that's just by yourself. You're saying what you do by yourself is you pour berries on your tits and Have a little whipped cream just so we're clear. I have a rock and bud You do you look great. I've been trying to fuck all night. You're a Jersey six. Yeah, but now you're a fucking Jersey 10. Yeah Looking good, right? Looking really good. I'm gonna miss you, Gabs. Yeah.

I'm gonna miss all of you, except for the fans. Yeah, wow, they're fucking, I didn't know that they didn't like you know that. Have you ever read comments? No, I don't know. Why would I, they don't like me my show. No, I'd never read the comments. They keep calling me the whole. They do? I did not, They keep calling me the whole. They do? I did not. Why a whole? It's that stupid old, Opie and Anthony bullshit.

Oh yeah. You're pussy hole. Yeah, alright, like Robin. Yeah, that caveman stuff. Right. Yeah, it's very barbaric. They be canceled nowadays. Yeah, but it is nowadays.

That is nowadays. Yeah, but it is nowadays. That is nowadays. Yeah All right, well, um, but thank you for all the stuff you've done I really come on anytime. Yeah, this shows making me hungry I'm gonna go drive a bite. Yeah starving So hungry. Yeah, yeah, I can't wait to eat me and star roast are gonna go eat. Uh, what are we eating? You know, is it open though? Did you check? I check? Oh? What am I asking why am I why are you fucking doing here Bob? I'm so sorry? It's like the first the dumplings now you ask if I check if the restaurants open come on. I mean I'm sorry. We don't even know each other. I'm sorry

Star roast baby. I'm sorry. Sorry. I apologize. It's okay. It's okay. Oh my God. I can't wait. You gotta see the first time we met. Yes. Yeah, be paying attention. Yeah. I Well, first time we met he we went he took me to a honey pig honey pig in the the L.A.C. city. And we ate, how much did we eat? Did we go there one time with another comic and he ate way too much food? Yeah, we went, he did go buck wild. And he ordered some fucking wild. He ordered like octopus or something. And I was paying for.

And you were paying for everything. And he was fucking wrong. Yeah, it's like, this is like octopus. Don't fucking mother. Yeah, remember that? I do remember that. We went nuts. We did go there and go nuts Yeah, and we're gonna do it tonight. I'm interested. We're gonna eat we can but we're gonna eat healthy because all that stuff

No rice. I'm not getting no rice. Yeah, yeah, I will be having right. Yeah, I'm gonna have kimchi which is super food Yep love kimchi got some Korean soups over there. I hope they have the tofu soup. Yeah, love that That's good. They got the egg the steam bag egg. Oh, they steamed egg that I can have. Yeah, of course. I like the little fishes. Yes. What are those? Yeah, yeah. I don't know what they're called, but I know exactly. The little tiny, little, the little, yes, with the kimchi fish. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the fish cake, but you can't have that probably. Why can't I have fish cake? I feel like it's some kind of glutinous thing.

Oh, the, the thing. the little like strips of the pancake no no that's not this cake this cake is the little guys I can have the fish cake can all right is it no little guys just separate for the fish cake I don't know if I can separate I don't think the pancake the the simple pan I can't have that you can't even order that I don't even want you to be faced with that temptation oh no no, no, no. I will go without, and then we're gonna go,

I'm brother. We're gonna go goby? Hell yeah. We're gonna go pork belly. Without question. And then we're gonna go, what's the other pork belly? A spicy pork belly?

Spicy pork belly. We listen, we'll go goby pork belly. Question, gentlemen's choice. Gentlemen's choice. That's why, yeah. Oh. Whoa. Gentlemen's choice. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Gentlemen's choice, Bobby.

We're, you know, it was your, this is technically a birthday dinner. So let's go crazy. All right. You know what I'm saying? I'm so hungry, dude. I'm hungry, too. I had oatmeal for dinner. I had, I had, what did I, I had a, yeah.

I had two meals. I had cheese and salami. Yeah. I had like three things of cheese and a few things of salami and an apple for dinner. I love it. But like three for tonight. I'm in the left side of my head starting to hurt. It's a hungry.

Yeah, you're getting a little uneven. Your eye is wandering. It's hurting. So all right, man, well listen, Stavvy Baby, you got, we're gonna go into right now I want to thank you for coming on all your YouTube people Stavvy, baby. You know him. Stavros, howkeous. I mean one of my I feel weird Because I found so many you really did your taste is unbelievable like it's fucking crazy I've found so many. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like when nobody was looking. No, I was like, these guys, I love the, and you, one of those guys, that I just saw,

and I was like, this guy makes me laugh, and makes me happy, and it's just a solid person. That's the one thing, all the young guys that I've helped out of, if all been good people, to me, like good people, who they are. They're not, no phonies, no Hollywood bullshit, just a really good talented guy, and you know, very proud of you, man,

how successful you've had. I owe you so much, Bob. Wow, look at, I owe you, man, because now we're, you know, we're friends, and you know, I really appreciate you coming on here. Of course, anything, bro. And being part of, right now, that was the YouTube thing. So do me a favor, subscribe, hit the subscribe button.

If you enjoyed the episode, hopefully you are a chubby bitch and you did. This is good. If you're dealing with food issues, right? Oh yeah, please. For you. Comment in the comments what your favorite. Yes, I want to hear your go to go order.

I want to hear, yeah, I want to hear your. Your Saturday night, your perfect day. Yes, when you're alone, somewhere, and you get to order what you want, what is it? These are the first YouTube comments I'll ever read. Yeah, I want to, I want to hear it. Make sure you subscribe, comment, like, and share, if you can.

We're going to go to Patreon right now for a little extra for Patreon people. So if you're a Patreon member stay tuned. You can you're going to get extra 15 20 minutes. Whoever, sometimes it goes a little longer. Who knows? Yeah. But we're really hungry so I'm pretty sure it's going to go very, it's pretty going to be short. But it's going to be Patreon extra. Go to patreon.com, Sashraba Kelly. Become a member of Patreon. You get extra YKWD. You also get YKWD live in first.

And you get to be in the chat and be a member of the Patreon and comment and be part of the community. Also, you get culture in Kelly, first, culture in Kelly, Friday only. And you get to be a part of the JOP party with Lou and Melissa and Scruffy bones. I mean, there's such a cool group of people in there that every Saturday night from around 10.30,

last week it was until 4 a.m. We were all in there fucking around, fighting, yelling, loving, making each other laugh. So you can come in there and do that. patreon.com.com. So that's Robert Kelly. Robert.com.com.com. I'm Robert Kelly. RobertKellyLive.com.

I'm gonna be at Levittown this week at governors on the 30th. The fifth I will be in Skankfest South, comedy on Carson on November 19th to the 20th, and then Banana's Comedy Club on the 26th and 27th in Hasbroke Heights. I'm gonna be all over the place. Fairfield, can I have the kid on December 4th? Comedy on state. I'm gonna be all over the place. Fairfield cannot be on December 4th.

Comedy on state. Oh my God, I love the best. I love the people. I was the first time I've been there the first weekend. Unbelievable. The best club. Dude, I'm friends with the staff. They're great.

Everybody who works here, I talk to them. Yeah, no. They just, they make me laugh. They're good people. He was great. They, they make me laugh, they're good people. He was great, it was like, they're incredible. Even Anna, they're awesome. And they're Greek. They're Greek, oh dude, are you, are you,

are you talking to the dad? I talked to the dad, did I talk to the dad? We talked for a while, it was incredible. I felt like I was at home there, dude, that's the thing. It was a Greek owned, I felt like I was just in one of those carry outs, like around the corner for my house, where like the where the better at business daughter takes over for the old Greek dad who doesn't even speak English.

You know what I mean? And completely changes the, I mean, they've made... I don't think he talks to everybody either. That's awesome. I love them. He was great. Great. He's talking to the mom was great. He's great. Yeah, no. The whole family was incredible. And the staff, like you said, so awesome.

So, cigar bar there is Manudo, Mendoza's, oh was incredible. And the staff, like you said, so awesome. So Garbar there's Benudo, Maduro's is, oh my God. And the state place. I didn't go, I waited too long. I wanted to go before. And there was a wait, and I had to fucking. You got to, when I go, I got to go before, because I got to go back there. The rib by there, I wanted the rib by so bad.

I got it once, we went late, and they made it for me. I went back the next time they were like, now, you're not famous. Yeah. Yeah, the F-. I went back the next time they were like, no, you're not famous. Yeah. Yeah, the FX show went off the air. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's weird how a lot of it. It's so moot.

Yeah, we heard you get it. You're like, I can have Leroy text you. We heard you get canceled. So CLA to FATSO coming at four. Make a reservation. Your piece is yet, oh man, what is shit. Make a reservation. Your piece is shit. Oh man, what a shit feeling in this business. This business is terrible.

You just gotta watch people you know stink. Just fucking get all kinds of shit. And you're eating a Caesar salad with salmon at a half-filled club, getting standing ovation. It's the funniest show I've ever seen. Thanks. Tell a friend. Right, Gab? That's right. I'm used to standing ovation. That's awesome, Gab. Why? I get standing ovation from who? My comic too, Bob. All right, sorry. Comic

wearables.com. Please go there. Get yourself a YKWD hat, a YKWD shirt. Get yourself a culture and Kelly. All my stuff is up there at ComicWeribos.com. They got the Nott U shirt on the front. It says, you're great on the back. It says Nott U. That hat is very popular. YKW podcast hat, the trucker hat. Yeah, it's a cool hat.

So where's the YKWD shirt? Is that up there? There it is right there. That's my favorite shirt right there. So make sure you go there and use the code word ladybugs, get 20% off. That's right, 20% off. Oh, you're merchandise.

Christmas is coming up, get your lover. Some YKWD stuff. What else do we got? Anything else? And we got yours. Where are you going to be? Yeah, I'm going gonna be in Detroit next weekend on the sixth and Columbus on the seventh.

And then I'm gonna do a show in New York City at the Furniture Comedy Festival. I'm headlining Gotham on the 10th Wednesday the 10th. And then I'm in Tampa and... Size splitters? Size splitters. Can't wait, can't wait the 18th through the 20th. And then Boston,

last Boston, the 20th or the 9th through the 11th of December. And I think I'm almost positive I'm going to shoot my first special in a way. Yay! December. So December 6th, I believe. By the time this comes out, I think that's going to be finals. If not, finally. I'm going to look like an asshole. But yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah. I'm doing it. I'm good. It's almost almost certainly done. So yeah, come out and see me guys. Thanks for having me, Bob. And make sure Gabby, where you're going to be. I just follow me at Gabby is Brian.

You know, Joe too, right? Joe? Yeah. Joe Lists. No, Joe Russell. Joe DeGroso? No, Joe Russell. Yeah, I know him.

He's cute. No, he's cute. Yeah. I kind of want to bang him. Oh, really? Really? Wow. He's cute. Oh, he's cute. Yeah, I want to bang him. Oh, really? Wow, that's weird. Why so what what am I fucking chop liver? I've been fucking over here all night this asshole Joe that I don't even know the fuck he is. He's coming here He's cute all of a sudden. What am I gab? He's so sexy. Really? Just so sexy. What does he have to promote? He's so sexy really just so sexy. What does he have to promote?

Can you just show about cheese? Can you stand up and dance for me? You're leaving right and I'd be a little massage and it's like can you stand up and dance? Let me show you see that belly See that belly. Yeah. Oh, yeah, wow, I'm about to bust Oh my god, that's really hot all right there. Oh, Shaq sit down Wow All right, well there you go. Okay Gabby. So what's our Joe? He has a cheese show, right? Yeah, you love it Yeah, he's good at YouTube and yeah, yes It's typing cheese show and the only goddamn one Really yeah, wow

They can't be right it is Type in cheese show. Let's see if that's the other one that comes out. There's no chance It'll be funny if there was 75 other cheese shows with couples in different languages. Oh, skip and glad Olivia is that it? Oh wow look at that Holy shit Oh, it's so confusing. It's not actually cheese from horses though. Wow, so you know about cheese too, hug, Ab. Yeah, not just Joe. Oh, yeah, Joe knows about that. Make sure you check out both of them. And we're going to go to Patreon right now.

We're going to talk Halloween. I love it. I want to talk Halloween. I want to talk Halloween. I want to talk Halloween. I want to talk Halloween. I want to talk Halloween. I want to talk Halloween.

I want to talk Halloween. I want to talk Halloween. I want to talk Halloween. I want to talk Halloween. I want to talk Halloween. Oh yeah, Joe knows about that. Sorry, man. Make sure you check out both of them. And we're gonna go to Patreon right now. We're gonna talk Halloween. I love it. I wanna talk Halloween costumes. I wanna talk Halloween. Favorite Halloween stuff. Favorite Halloween candy.

Any Halloween incidents I had won? I'm interested in yours. Go to patreon.com.sas for Robert Kelly right now and be part of the discussion. That's right. Right, real quick at the end of show, right? You can do it now if you want. All right, let's do this now.

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What are you fucking? What are you doing here again? Oh, that's why. Because you're fucking, you saved a nickel on the sign, holy shit. He's got a, he got a towel and threw it over a sign that was over a fucking enterprise sign. Look on the screen. Look.

That's fake. We're gonna win. This is fake, bitch. No, that's real. I swear to God, I know this guy. He's a fantastic guy. You're, you're going in there, you're leaving without kidneys.

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Oh nice great little place. I wanted to also check out their website wickedgoodfurniture.com I'll call them at 610 438 484829. That's 610-438-4829. Mention this podcast, you get free delivery and free setup. And you think you don't need that, but you do. You don't want to go pick the shit up and put it in your fucking condosific. That's crazy. Yeah, you don't want to load it into your pilot.

You want to go to Eastern? You want delivery. No, you go there wanna load it into your pilot. You want to... You want to go to Eastern? You want delivery. No, you go there, you call them, go to their website, pick out what you want, they'll deliver it. YKWD, everybody needs a chair. Get a nice chair, get a couch. Get a good chair. Get a fucking chair, dude.

Get a chair from Wicked Good, Fucking Furnishes. Deals right now, mention the podcast, get your free delivery free setup. Thanks so much for being a sponsor of the Patreon. It's awesome. It's awesome. Fucking great. Well, look, I love you, man.

It's good to see you. I can't wait to go get these fucking... We'll go right now. We'll go get these meats, baby. Yeah, come find us. Yeah. Joe, what do you got? We got a Halloween cheese show tomorrow.

Oh, okay. Halloween cheese show. Check that out. Subscribe on YouTube. click that subscribe button for his thing. And check out Compton of course with these guys. I mean, they don't need my help, because if they're huge, they don't even care.

We want it to end. They want it to end up. Please stop. If you lose the Compton, please stop. Okay. All right, let's read, can you help me read these names? Let's do it. Can you read them in a Greek accent?

Ray. Yes. Jason Bob. Yes. Dan Cacels. Erl, Erl, Barnet. Carlos Álvarez. Yes.

Cristofer Malfrus. Hello. Son of Andres. Of Andres. And Stefani Craig. Hey. Son. Yes. Ben Andres. Andres. Stephanie Craig. Hey. San? Yes.

Ben Santis Estableton. Skyl Becker. Skyl. And Justin Bull. Oh, guys, pay. And Justin. All the Patreon members, the new members, thank you so much for joining. Thank you for becoming a video audio member.

You get it all, man. Get it all. And I want to thank every single person on the Patreon for being a member of all the YouTube fans. You guys are the best, we'll see you guys next week on, and I want to thank Nicole. Thank you, Nicole. Thanks Nicole.

I'm gonna rock in it and mush wherever the fuck you are. You know what, good, we'll see you next week. You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Thank you.