Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Sub Category | Mike Feeney

Episode Date: October 25, 2021

This weeks Bobby is joined by Mike Feeney and Hannah Roeschlein talking how midwestern couples meet, alternative monetary streams when comedy stops, and importance of hanging out with your kid! http://ykwdpodcast.com FOLLOW THE SHOW https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast https://www.youtube.com/ykwdpodcast https://thelaughbutton.podlink.to/YKWD Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de esos de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta, ¿dónde viene? Si no, ¿por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa en treno, con hacernos y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de esos que Madrid nos lia. Hoy es un día de esos que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.

Encuentra en los bares de Madrid, la dicción especial de Madrid nos lia. Un número de mao, mueve. Solicitad tu beca en fundación lacaisa.org. que tienen todos tus dispositivos. Pluto day, We're all starting before them all. I'm keeping my mind on what I can do. This podcast is so fun and crazy, And there's no rules. Shut up, you all are winning this! We're the block band, I'm sorry.

It's a comedy podcast. This is an NPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show? This is the original. Original. Hey, what's going on, everybody? What's up, Dad? Dad, you're back.

You still chubby, Dad. You fucking getting old. The dub, but I still have great skin. YKWD is back Tuesday night, live, live, live. And we got a great show for you tonight. I'm excited. And I'm happy to introduce this show. I want to thank all the Patreon members for being a member of patreon.com, Stash Robert Kelly. You're the best. I love you. If you're not a Patreon member and you're watching this right now, go become a Patreon member

because you get extra 20, you get the culture and Kelly, you get the J.O.P. you get the fucking one on one, you get the life from the shit. There's so much on there. All this content for you for the price of a cup of coffee on patreon.com. So I swear, if you're not, you just watching this YouTube guy, do you think, I would like the YouTube to, well, subscribe. That's your job. Subscribe.

Hit the subscribe button for me. Hit the like button and leave a comment. I don't give a shit what you say. But there you go. And that's all we got. So today, we have an old friend and a new friend. An old friend and a new friend. I have my old friend.

Mike Vini. And I have my new friend. Hannah Rushline. And my old friend is my Phenny, and I have my new friend Hannah Rushline and my old friend is from New York. Yeah, and my new friend is from Indiana I tell people you're from Chicago. I just moved there. Yeah, I don't tell Indian nobody wants to where you from Indiana I know, but you can hear it in my voice. Yeah, you can. What is that? I don't know. It's John Dergook You can say that I can say it. I'm absolutely 50 50 Asian white split I've got privilege on both sides and I will exercise. Are you wow? Are you are your Polynesian half Filipino?

Filipino shit. Is it can I say that right Polynesian? No, that's a moment right out of the way I am I'm the Simone your pan someone you're panicking. I'm panicking doing. I'm panicking white. We're in a skeleton crew here. There's no, there's no, uh, Joe, you got, you just got, there's no Gabby here to introduce him. People he just got Nikki six doing her thing.

Nikki new Nikki's here, but she does everything now. It's what I call a Nikki six. She does the job of six people. Oh, and she's got a crippling heroin addiction. Oh, um, so yeah, they're really gone. Now Russ and mush, mush is gone. What's he gone? He's he's gone.

Like he's he's gone from from here or from this claim. He's insane and told you, here's a problem when you hire comics to do anything for you. When they're I do this, I can do that. This someday they're going to get a gig. Right. And they're going to go go fuck yourself. Yeah. Nikki, Nikki, do you like comedy? I love comedy. But you want to do it. Nope. Do you have any aspirations or dreams of becoming famous as anything? I have no skills other than this. That's what you want. Perfect. That's it. You want a chick with dead dreams. Yeah.

And she dates a greasy tattooed guy. He's pretty hot. He's hot as hell. But he can sing and he could do what? What is his other thing? He's like a singer and something else on the side that's also like another full career. He sings plays guitar and is an actor. An actor.

So he's a singer. I mean, he is an actor an actor. So he's a singer I mean, he's an actor. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Um, yeah, dude. Fucking it is, but I'm loving it. We get this thing like a machine Now Nick you got this right? Yeah, I'm getting nervous now. Why you get me nervous? Okay, you were ready nervous Well, I don't got with a mustache that's telling me shit I'm just asking you questions. Why don't we lose in the mustache? I'm debating every day I wake up, you know, who knows? It might be tomorrow. I might be, uh, hey, we got, now we got Max. Max is going to sit down over there.

Max. Max. Max over there. I want to be on the show so bad. But, uh, yeah, I don't know. I'm thinking maybe I was like, maybe I'll do it. Maybe I'll do it if I can get to like December to my birthday. Maybe the new year, maybe, uh, maybe it's Skankfest when I'm drinking maybe I'll do it. Maybe I'll do it if I can get to like December to my birthday, maybe the new year, maybe it's Skankfest

when I'm drinking, I don't know. Nobody likes it. A lot of people like it. Are you your dick wet with it? Well, I'm married, so yes, yes I am. Okay. If nothing else is a topic of- I've never liked that saying.

What, am I getting my dick wet? Yeah, I never liked it just- Yeah, it's a very gross, it's a very, it feels like guys who say that are guys are also like, look at that pale, you know, like they're like, it's not that it's just I feel like if I don't want it to get wet, well, it's going to get wet. I know what? Hopefully it gets wet. Hopefully I want it to get wet.

Ideally, every time it does. Yeah, but I don't, when you say like that, it sounds like I'm dipping it into something. Yeah. It's new of sorts. Yeah, some type of't when you say like that, it sounds like I'm dipping it into something. Yeah Yeah, like a bucket. Yeah, yeah, you did get in weight. I like that. Yeah But it is so I mean that's you know, that's good, but I do think that it's It's very low maintenance. It's very it's a lot easier than I did. I don't care what you say. Do you hate it? I do. I feel like you hate. I feel like you hate that you love it.

This is the problem with you. This is why nobody likes you, Fini. Most people like you. See, that's why. Right there. That's your smile. You want to hate, you know? I don't like it.

Can I not like it? Absolutely. You cannot like it. I don't like it. Unfortunately, you like it. I don't like it. You don't like it. I don't like it. You don't like it. I think you don't like it change is what you don't like I love change. I wish you would find another group Singer actor I date Nikki. Yeah, um, no, do you like as much as look at me be honest

That's the mustache play you like it. You like it. You can like it. Do you like it? I like it enough right now. Well, you like because you like a hipster type dudes, right? It's not hips. You like guys. It would be curled. Oh, we'll play the trumpet and chess and read books in the park and feed squirrels out of the bombs of the hands. You like that shit, right? Yeah, you do. They're gonna say something. I don't like anything right now. I'm because I'm sober. Are you sober? Yeah. Well, that's good. Why is that bad? Because you don't want to smash anyone anymore. You don't? No. You mean smash. Why do you have terms of what's your old boy?

Because I have the torso of a 14 year old boy. That's all I can say. Air muffs. How did your headphones on? I don't have. Max, you're going to go down to see I'm going to be a different podcast. Maximus put the headphones on. Yeah, I know she's using good words over the kids. I'm doing my best, you know, Mommy.

Yeah, you're doing fantastic. We're having Drain the Pool at 11 out of 10 times. I have a pretty good, you know, Drain the pool. Eh. What the hell? Wait, how long are you sober? Three years.

How nice. Congratulations. You're LA sober, though. Correct. I've been smoking some green. Yeah, she smokes pot. What if I did not drink? It's a, I, well, the world is hard. It's too hard.

It's too much. I've been sober for 36 years. I haven't smoked weed. That is not a true statement for anybody who's trying. Listen to me. I'm going to say that for anybody who's in rehab trying to get that you don't need to do weed. All right.

But that's how long you've been sober. You say do weed. You know what you need? Guys do pot. Don to do weed. All right, but that's how long you've been sober. Say, do weed. You know when you guys do pot, don't do it. Just say no, Nancy Reagan. Um, when you dip it in the bucket, um, I just don't know if, if weed, like I, that's like a thing now, where people are sober. I know a lot of people that smoke weed and, but they're, they're sober. They don't drink and they're in program. Like, is there like, I never went through program. I aside from the two times it was court ordered. Really. But this last time I just cranked on my own. So you, I love, I love every, every, every word that you're saying. I like a book at hot topics. I can get that I can understand you. You're crank what's crank me? Am I that old?

Is there like there's like actual their drugs are cranked too right? Yeah. Is that what you mean when you say crank? Crank on your own? No, I just kind of mean get going. Get going. Yeah. What are you I'm like getting turned on.

I'm just trying the room. I'm fucking dump my wife right now for this, for crank, for a half Honda. Yeah. I, I, I don't know if it's, I mean, like people, what? Shut the door, get the Wi-Fi off a niki. I just have all these little, I guess, like, terms of right, terms of phrases that I didn't think were so. Talking to the mics with you so I can hear you.

I was basically, recently people were telling me that some of my turn of phrasing is unlike anything they've ever heard before. Right. And I think I don't know where, you know, but it was just kind of bread of a cornfield existence in Indiana. You grew up in a cornfield and you're half Filipino.

Correct. How did that happen? How did an air fried egg roll come to be? How did a 7-11 egg roll come to you? How did I? Yes. How did a flying J egg roll? I don't know. Can I say this stuff? Am I getting canceled? I don't know. You're up to nice. I'll give you a pass. All I said, I'm honest. Why you couldn't pick that up. You would think stereotypically that potentially my parents met in the military, but mom and dad met at a Bible college in San Diego. I didn't know that there was Bible college. That was just Bible study and then you graduate too. Yeah, like a seminary type of education. Oh, wow. So they both were gonna be what like priests and nuns

and then decided to be honest. My mom was a former Catholic accountant in the Philippines. I think her day and evangelist over there and came to the United States, you know, in that weird way. My dad was a former hippie from the Cornfields, Indiana that found Jesus and then turned his life around and also ended it up there and then they landed back. Kevin Kausner found God in the Cornfield too, didn't he?

Yeah, and James Earl Jones. Oh, yeah, who might have been God, I guess, if you think about it in that movie, symbolizes a lot. I hated that movie. It's okay. It's so fucking... Max, put your earphones on. Are you gonna go?

Nicky, make sure your headphones are on please. Nicky, call yourself. Nicky. Nicole, you are now... Nicky, your six job is babysitter. Just make sure his headphones are on. Max, if you don't put them on, no pizza. And no air.

Those are on, but pizza and no air. Those are on, but they're not playing any. Try to put the headphones in. No, he's canceling mode. Now you're not coming next week. Oh my goodness. Do you have school tomorrow? Yeah. Yeah, one.

Matt. Hi, good to you. Goodbye. Don't come out. If you come out again, I swear to God. Pan. How far do y you all live from here? Seven hours. It's a trek. No, it's only 45 minutes. I was like, no, no, he, yeah, to talk about it when he gets into his mode,

but he won't. Did he watch the hour? I cannot be with my son. I was, he said to me tonight, can I come? Sure. I was like, I can't, I got this, I got that. And then I look at him, I'm like, why the fuck, what I not want to hang out with the person I love the most, I love him. He wants to hang with me and go into the city.

Yeah, maybe the car ride home fun. But no, he's not. He's going to be on his iPad. He's going to be on his iPad. He's going to be on his iPad. He's going to be on it's not. It's gonna be on his iPad, isn't it? And fuck it, listen to me. But it's the, I was like, yeah, of course. I always think back to when I was a kid, certain cool things that I remember to this day. I remember Michael Shaw taking me for a walk,

finding Wetsomet and writing my name in it. I remember my uncle put me on the back of a mini bike, no helmet, and forgot to tell me to hold on and I fell off. I remember driving my uncle's money carlo when I was, I think four, and I was on his lap and I was killed the carload of his friends. You know, I mean, all these things.

That took a turn, the last couple of examples there, but yeah, the Wetsamen, when I'm with you, I, but go harder. I will think, I will feel like, if I, yeah, if my dad was a stand up comic and was doing like clubs and his sold out club and everything like how cool Would that be to go with your dad to work to like see him making a group of people laugh like I'll be thinking about Andrew Schultz.

So that's a small room of people, but it's a room of people nonetheless. You know they're happy and they're you know They're excited to be there and I feel like that's that's a pretty cool thing that he'll he'll have these memories for us Of his life even though he's like I was on the iPad and in between fruit and ninja. I looked up and my dad was killing Yeah, I just saw I was like yeah, come in. Let's go away You're never gonna get this back. I'm never gonna get that moment back where he goes down and I'm gonna hang with you And I'll regret it. I'll absolutely I'll regret it later I honestly touched my emelted my little country heart just stone because when I saw him, I knew him from

our time, you know, together on the shows, just the name and like, seeing him. But when he came behind me, he went straight for Jim Norton and was like, Jim, and I, something in me was just like, Oh my God, like, it was just like that understanding of like, that's so cool for him. Like, knows your kid knows. Do you want to bang my kid? Jim, you know what I mean? On a just like that simple basis. So like, yeah, even if he's kind of going to be like,

fuck you dad, the more we go down the road, like that is, that was just like such a cool thing to see. Yeah, he's, he's got a cool life that he doesn't know about yet. Yeah, right. But so funny. I did that show over there. My God, the crowds in Manhattan are so weird now. Getting a little more sensitive.

They're sensitive, they're young. Although, the only people that are going to shows are vaccinated people, which I'm fine. I'm not bringing up a VAX issue, you know, whatever, but you need the unvaccinated side of the room to come to the shows. Yeah. That type of person.

Yeah. They're easier laughers. Well, they just want to have fun. Yeah. I'm doing the McGuire this weekend and I'm oddly looking forward to it because again, it's like Long Island. So they're just going to be, you know, people touching fifths of whiskey to their ankle and to walk it in, you know, and I don't have papers, bullshit. Yeah, it's just it's going to be rough and rowdy.

Yeah, it's it was I was on stage and I looked out and the squirrels looking at me like this. Pondering. I go, I go, I said, I go, stop pondering my fucking jokes. I'm funny. I don't need, you don't need to do that. You can just laugh. And then her boyfriend kept talking to her. And I'm like, leave her. She was laughing finally, right? I go leave her alone. Stop asking her. She's like, he goes, I was asking her if she wanted me to throw this mug at you. I go, well, you should ask her if you want to pick up your teeth from the fucking floor. Because when that hits me, I want to smash you a fucking face with this mic stand of lead. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to hit. What are you? What are you?

Things going to happen. Yeah. You're going to throw something. And I'm just going to quit the business. Yeah. I'm just going to learn something. That's 46 comedians in three giant security guards waiting for the opportunity to do something. I didn't need them. But he was funny though, because he was laughing at it. He was he was laughing at the absurdity of what he said, which made me laugh. Yeah. Because he understood, oh yeah, you're gonna do something back.

I forgot about that part. I was at, I was at it. There was four Asian girls, no, that's four Asian girls, with Mass on, and I, I was like, right in the front, I go, you're taking it down to eat cake. Well, you got it. Everybody known as a mass. It's for you for in the front row and you're drinking and eating.

What the fuck are you doing? For sure, twats and prayers. You know, it's a, it's a wrap. It's a, this has been an exercise and trust. And like I said, I was living in, you know, the land of Pinta Plenty for the majority you've got. I don't understand anything you're saying. What's Pinta Plenty?

What I call Indiana. Okay. Should we have known that? I don't know. I liked it. No, I just went with it. I was like, yeah, I'll figure that out later. But I just did, it's funny because you said that because I just did Gotham this past

weekend. They do those showcase shows now and weekend sometimes. And Rich Iran of it's very funny. Comic. He was hosting. And everybody's very funny. I haven't. He's actually a fucking terrific. Everybody's awesome. I was like, I told Iran on every comic. He's great. Nobody knows what great is anymore. Louis CK's great. Norton's great. I'm saying this because I watched him host three sold out three sold out shows at Gotham. He's a great fucking. All right. So he's, so he's, so he's hosting the show in two minutes in host host host host, three sold out shows. You can't

add the sold out shows to the host. But I can because of what I'll tell you, this is the first two minutes of the show. This woman's blathering in the middle. And he's like, honey, this isn't about you. You got to just relax or whatever. And she's like, blah, blah, blah. And he goes, I bet you never, your parents never told you know this again, three mits into so she goes, my parents are dead. And then he goes, I doubt that. But if they are, they're probably in a better place now.

And she goes, my mother committed suicide asshole. And then it just was like a fucking awkward bomb that just went off and spread across the whole crowd. And he managed to, he said in his head, what he wanted to say was if I had your, if I had to fucking raise you, I would have killed myself too. But he was like, I'm hosting it's the first three minutes of the show. And he managed to fucking kill her with kindness, shut her the hell down. And then still make the show great 12 minutes into it by the time he got off stage.

But the fact that, oh, so then she goes after she says, after she says my brother killed us ever, whatever, he was like, all right, you got to relax. She goes, I'm going to get you kicked out of here. She said that she was going to have the comedian thrown out. That was the level of entitlement that this woman had. That's where it was. And so you talk about an audience member who is just like, you know, things are different now because we have the power because I got vaccinated or whatever. It's just insane to be like, I've never seen something like, I'm going to get you thrown out to

the person on stage. I would have said to her, I want to kill myself. I can do you right now. I get it. Oh, for sure. When she said that about her mom, I would have just gone hang there. But it is hard as the host to like to set the tone for that day. You're like, you got a, you got, it was also I think the six p.m. show. So it was like, it's hard, it's hard that early to come out.

How the fuck is there? Any, but how was a woman allowed to say anything after the first thing? Yeah. Well, that's a priority. That's the other good thing. But it's got the security guard just they fucking just start swarming and sitting throughout her. They didn't throw out because she didn't talk the whole rest of the show because security was sitting like four feet away from her looking at her like this the entire

security there's all fucking ex-cop. Yeah, they're not they don't lash middle they don't mess around. Yeah, yeah, you don't know if they're cop those those hands are like leather, you know? They have weird pins from stuff that they won. But there are some clubs that I do feel like have more like woke audiences than others. You know, where some attract more of like a touristy crowd where you get some of that slice of middle American, all the other stuff. And then you have some other like bougie or clubs where you're like, oh, this is just all 25 year old rich yuppies.

You can't have all fucking Vax people in men. It's just a there. They want fluffy shit. They want a they want a what's it called? Collaptor. Yeah, they want a fucking to talk about the state. They want to they want you to say something and be funny. They just don't want to laugh on control, but in the not know why.

They don't want that. I don't, but you need them too. You need them too. You need those people too, but you need the the bridge in tunnel people. Yeah. We need them in the city. It's just it's a very young crowd. You know, it's very young and I look at my oldies fuck. I don't know. Maybe I'm all the whatever, but God damn it It's you have to really fight tooth and nail. Yeah, and shake you literally shake them out of it and they're fine Obviously, you call attention to it. They're like, oh, okay, if what is that? Because they're so used to reporting Instagram posts when people say pussy in the first four seconds that they're like, oh, am I allowed to this isn't this TikTok as a band?

You do that? Yeah, yeah. That's how like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how that's what happened with TikTok and Instagram and all these things they get. You could just, that's a thing. If you don't like someone now or you don't like what they're saying, you don't have to be offended by what they say. But if you, if you're like, I don't agree with what they're saying.

You just report, people just report your posts and then your shit gets taken down and then your livelihoods destroyed. It's fun. Well, dude, if your livelihood depends on fucking Instagram, then you're not a comic. Yeah. Well, I mean, that is comedy now, but no. Well, no, yeah, no. What is comedy? I made a quick contingency plan when the gram went down recently for about 12 hours.

And I thought, what will you do if it doesn't come back on? And then I remembered I have three holes and I'm also funny, so I'm fine. Three. Yeah, I know. One time I put that on my face milk and one of my friends was like, you actually probably have like five or six if you really try. Like you fucking a year. Yeah, I was like, please don't do that. Five.

No, my mom's my Facebook friend. Please don't do that. Yeah, you get. Please don't do this, but I also posted the three whole thing. I can, I can fucking nostril. Yeah. My mom is English like it languages. Like some of it I was like, skip and try and skip over her head like Max, you know?

Gotcha. I dude, I don't fuck that's dude. It sucks. I don't want it to be that way, but that's what it is. I don't think it is. And before that, it was TV. Oh, maybe right. There's like nine comedians that have ever gotten famous from without television or social media or Louis television. Okay. Joe Rogan. television. Okay. Joe Rogan. Uh, podcaster and and and fear factor television. And and commenting on UFC. Okay. Television. Love the way you say that. Yeah.

Brian Regan's the only one I can think of. Everybody give it up right here, buddy. Bob DeBone. Oh, Bob DeBone. Ohone or everybody. Hey Bob. I'm Hannah. Hey Hannah. You got headphones right there pal. Tana, you know, Fini. We're talking about if if if you could be caught if you really need if social media went away today, would you really fucking need it? To be because I have no followers. Not you, of course, not you talking about. No, like if social media went away, what would you do? You'd have to go, you'd have to go.

I agree. I'll tell you what you'd have to go, go back to being good. Yeah. You'd have to go back to be. But then what's, how would anybody find you? You'd like to weigh you? Well, TV. Can I tell you why?

Yeah. You would have to go to TV. Let me just tell you why. Yeah. You would have to, you would, I feel that's your point. That's your finger. God is like a man. The pro star does that. I forgot. I also have an only fan. So I will be fine at any you do. You forgot. I've never used it. I set it up in the very first quarter year. Just in case I had to get my pussy popping to keep

the bills paid. Bobby, I'm not at the level that you are. You know, like if the internet crashes, I'm fine because I'm relatively unknown. I feel like you're like the ex rated version of like a king of the hill cast member. You know, it's like that you're at the bottom of the line when they cut to it. We're like, case I got to get my pussy way. I hope she fails. Yeah. Oh, so the only fans are going to join that. There's a lot of female comedians who have or making like $50,000 a month doing only fans.

Really? Well, here's not kidding. Fee Ian has one. Not one. Not 50,000. No, no, I'm not saying that, but she still has one. I mean, it's it's definitely a viable option. You have to show pussy.

You don't have to even have to show. You have to show pussy. You don't have full. You don't even have to show. You want to make $50,000? You want to make fucking 15 bucks. You don't. You want to fill out a W. No, you got it. You've got to fucking spread that open. You have a little bit of a following and you can get kind of creative and let people get voyeuristic. It's like, I wouldn't have to, I got a pastor dad in the nation, mom. I can't be cracking my fortune cookie open for $25. A jack off in, you know, Staten Island. And I know, and I'm a hot commodity. I'm an air. But what if they would come to your show after that, you probably do it that way. No, I'm just saying, but I'm blackout drinking for 15 years. Like I've had more dudes dribble up and down this court than I care to imagine or think

about. It's like, you know, it's a doctor of Philip. Yeah. What's happening? Well, I have any Bobby. I'm saying that you have. No, I'm not. We're talking about pushy pop.

But you're going to fucking do a book of saying. I got Larry Bird always dribbles before his shoe. Yeah. Bob vagina. Listen. I, but he, but he, it is fun. Look, it, we just get a sec. Can I say it? Can I say it?

I don't know what it is. I don't need it, but I'm half hard. You got one of those. I'm going to fucking call him the one back up. Oh, you'd be a dream for him. If you had a little Filipino pud, a little rocket down there with two little tight balls. Oh, you'd be a dream for him. If you had a little Filipino bud, a little rocket down there with two little tight balls. It did bug me. It did bug me that that was a fucking viable option for comedians, women.

So when the thing went shit, we all had to fucking hold on tight, fill out fucking unemployment and do all this shit. But if you had a, if you had a body, you could just go and become a, a fucking, a fucking slut bag for a year and a half. Yeah. And make, and make a ton of cash. So much money. And it's like, and then slide right back in like, do both sides. I shouldn't say I don't, I don't approve of it. Of course, I don't give a fuck. It just was like, well, what do we got? But it's not really like a cheat code because they're not really getting,

I mean, ironically, it's called only fans, but they're not like getting, those people aren't really coming to shows. And if they are, you don't want them coming to your show because they're just, yeah, but I don't care about that. But you, like, there was no option for you or me to show my asshole. I mean, maybe there is, what if, I mean, it's in there like fetish for like,

chubby guy, why do I gotta be a fetish? Why do I, I don't know. You're a subcat, you could be all like, chubby guys with anus, I don't know. If you like belly button, belly button, hernias and dead toenails, I'm the only fans. Yeah, you feel like a boot up porn thing.

You like to smell a mold and donuts? Come to Robert Kelly's Only Fans, right? Open up my butthole and show you the dirty gray octopus. If you're amazing, how many people were probably signed up? 100% everyone listen to your podcast right now. I was like, prove it. Yeah, because guys with like balls that look like elephant knee pads. Yeah. Oh my god, I'm a sub. I'm a sub category. Yeah. Am I like a sub sub? Am I like, am I like seven? Yeah, you're not in the, yeah, you're

not in the top. You know, what is Bob? You're not big tits category, you know, you're down in the like kind of one lower than the other, you know, the specific category. He's uncle Bob. Yeah. If you're into uncles that never met the right girl, he does the role playing point that like the doctor Phil one. You're in the guys. If you're into guys that blow other guys at fucking at truck stops on the way home. Are you an only fan for Rich Rich Voss come over here and watch me with my pants off through the voice. Okay, so suck it. Okay, suck that dick. Okay, look at you. My dick is bigger than anybody. My dick has more credit than you. Okay, loosen up. And by that, I mean,

you're pussy loosening up. Okay. I mean, it is perfect. Black guys don't eat that pussy. Let's just fry. Wish the hot sauce. Okay. Lotion up. How's your podcast with your wife? Yeah.

My wife hates me. We have no followers. It's horrible. Oh, shit. My fucking God. That's so good. It always needs me to do it. That's boss. I've. My fucking God. That's so good.

And always it's me. Do it. That's awesome. Every time I get in a fight with my husband, she goes, he starts yelling at me and I just start laughing because I just picture you doing him. And it makes him more infuriated. Why don't you like my paintings? Which wrong with my pay? Are you laughing at me again? You know, you stink. I could get me a 21 year old on the road. Don't you think I can't crazy. I love that. He has to look into the distance while still getting right. You look sort of the side to get validation, right? You know what I'm saying, right? Okay. What would you be? What would you? What would you be? I know what you'd be like in a nineteen a nineteen seventies twink. Yeah, I'd have to be the maybe

on the pizza delivery guy. Do you like a twink with a full mustache or village people? Yeah, that good looking, you know, Lisa Ann, that porn star went to she was at a she did comedy for a time and she was telling me that I looked like every one of the like kids in her like milf porn. So she's done. Oh, do you look like every gay act porn actor I've ever seen? Yeah, and you make ton of money. Yeah, just you should have roller skates in a headband. You'd make a ton of money. You didn't have to do comedy. Why don't we get to can we do this? Can we get you at all these fans where you just stick stuff in your butt and you wrote what you're on will call your roller skating boy where you come in, you roll skate around and as you roll skate, your slowly take stuff off. And then you get down to like a little tiny thing

and then you bend over and whoever. Surprise enemy. You got a carrier ass. Yeah. I don't like the ass. I don't like ass play. How about your balls? You do stuff with your balls. Like what? You grab them, make them into things.

Maybe I can do like a blue animal. Yeah, you make, you make still like a hamburger. I would like to sell them. How about I dip them into various things? I got it. I love it. I got it. You dip them like a hot sauce, you dip them in

paint, right? You make art with your balls. Oh, little Jackson Paul. And the last one, you just put your asshole on it. So like, that's how you sign it with your asshole. Where do you think an asshole is? How am I getting my asshole to get you? Can't spread, you can spread your asshole. You can't spread your cheeks enough to get your asshole protruding. I always put our asses on the copy machines like when you're like, yeah, your asses, but you got your actual, your actual asshole. Yeah, you're able to see it for sure. No, not see it.

I'm talking paint with it. Yeah, you can paint with your asshole. Of course, how do you just fucking stick your asshole on a, you stick your asshole and paint them, squat down. And it's going to be all over my cheeks. Yes. Yes, you'll have it on going to be all over my cheeks. Yes. Yes.

You'll have it on your cheeks. It's an impression is painted. It's a Rorschach. We should get you one. Can we do this? Can we get this going? I mean, I already got a Patreon. I feel like that's going to really siphon off a lot of those fans.

Yeah. It was, it was, uh, I would love, I would have that. I'm my wife would totally make me, if everything went south, and I had nothing, and I could go on and do some weird stuff in the shed, it was some bad, it was missing Japanese men. They could, businessmen walk in. You would have no problem, no problem. Just be going to this.

I just, those fat checks come in. Just every week I just got to grab a bunch of cooking equipment out of the fucking. I'm just going out there with new backwards, this spatula. Yeah, the yellow raincoat. I don't ask. Where's my rolling pin? We throw it out. Yeah, I had to throw it out. There was blood on it. It's finished now. Yeah, don't use that. There's more yeast on it. Oh boy. Yeah, I don't know. Would you do it? No, you would never show you anything. No. Would you do it? I got asked to do it for who? Yeah, like 10 years ago, I was at a show in Maryland. This guy, the audience comes up to me, he goes, oh, he goes, you know, you can make a lot of money. I go, well,

not doing comedy. He goes, no, you're, you're failing at that. But he goes, I, he goes, you know, you can make a lot of money. I go, well, not doing comedy. He goes, no, you're failing at that. But he goes, I have a website and I have people that come on my way. They're like actors. I go, what do you mean by actors? He goes, well, you just come on and then you, people pay money to see you. You don't have to have sex when they

when you just take your clothes off. And I go, they what do I do? And he's like, you know, then you play with your penis and you, you know, rub your balls and you stand and you go and do it like three hours a day. And he's like, what do you think? And I was actually like, I remember I made like 400 dollars at a weekend. I was like, you know, you think you have a card? Yeah. How much money could you make? He's like, you can make thousands. I was doing it. And years ago, I mean, why are we? Why don't we? All we have to do is make it call

it art. Yeah. All we do is say this is art and this is the way we're expressing ourselves. Yeah. And how dare you judge us. How dare you say sex shame us. And it's not even like, you can't even be like, oh, you're gay because it's like, whoa, who's that I'm gay? Maybe I'm by. Maybe I'm maybe I'm maybe I'm paying. I'm working in. Yeah. We're learning to we're trying to teach people how to have the open minded. Yeah. We're trying to teach people how to some guy came up to me after New York comedy club the last weekend and he goes, uh, and he goes, Hey, are you? He was very like flimboying. He goes, Hey, are you gay? And I go, I'm not. And he goes, that's a shame. You would clean up for the other team. Clean up. Yeah. If you clean up, I'm

going to tell you right now, dude, if you listen, I know you're not. I know. But I'm saying you, Mateo, I was just going to say, you know, you're all straight. I should have been able to tell you. No, I know. Yes, he's too much. He's too much. He's too much. You don't want to be around because Mateo, Mateo's a hot chick. Mateo's had a lock layer. Mateo, you know what I mean? Mateo's too smoking hot. You're going to be in Timmy. You're going to keep you shooting together. You I'm the every man. Yeah. Exactly. He's a different character. You're like every man with the cigarette cowboy. Yeah.

You're like Ryan Reynolds in the proposal, not in Deadpool. Ryan Reynolds period. I'll take it. All right. In a questionable. Ryan Reynolds go for it. Who wouldn't take it? What are we talking about?

You would, you're a definite, you're a definite little twink dude. You can make a lot of money. Let's try to make some money. Let's see what happens. Let's get in only fans. Here's what we do. We get in only fans and we start out slow. Let me just take a coat off. First week. The $5 tier. We take it a coat off. You take something off every week for a year. Was that 52 weeks? We just get a 52 things on you. Right. But the last week, yeah. Right. By the last week, we're painting with your asshole. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The last week you make art with your asshole and balls.

And the person who pays the most gets that art. That's, yeah. And then it's all right. Oh my god. It's your penis. They resist. Every week they tune in because they're waiting for the lead up. Like what's going to happen? What is going to this week? This guy with 52 shirts on. We get bet on in the thing. You could bet on what's going to take off. Is he going to take off the nipple rings? Or is he going to take off with a sock count as a week or it has to take both socks off? No, you take one sock off.

Yeah. Wow. Slow to you. But you might, you might not, you might take, you might take, uh, like an ankle brace off. You might have an ankle brace. A ring. Just ring. You might just start out with a hundred wrist. You're going to have to fall. How about you? You definitely have to take that ring off because you went for the leave you.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What episode you just saved your mustache? Yeah. Just take that off. Take it off. Yeah. Let's do this.

We make a lot of money with you. We make no money with us. Take it off. Yeah, let's do this. Make a lot of money with you. We make no money with us. No, none. I feel like you guys are really underestimating that you guys would probably make triple. I would break. You would what? I would clean up. Yeah.

I mean, I have the frame of, I mean, just a walk in question mark of what ethnicity, what sexuality, what? Yeah, you really do. Yeah. What's that pretty boy growling about over there? Keep saying that. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty bird. I can't say it.

I can't say it. Why do you have to say it? I know who I am. Can we count how many say? I know why I am. I'm learning to stick to whole new vocabulary today. Yeah. I learned it in the core field.

It's Indiana. That's what you missed. That's where I'm from. What else did you learn in those core fields? How to come stick straight and quiet to flood by I'm gonna throw up. I think I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna throw up. Dick straight and quiet. I think I'm was happening. I don't know. I learned how to hide a whole ear of corn. I'll tell you that. I

you're a corn. I'll tell you that. I had a max. Look at the door. Terrible. Shut it. Oh my God. Yeah, that's my son. Oh, as we talk about pussy pop, he actually, he's, I keep him in that room. Like, I'll be punished. Yeah, that's his room. Oh, yeah. He came out as soon as he heard his trip fields in pussy pop. Max, shut the door. If you open it again, you're gonna You got no way to the day he realizes these are empty threats I got nothing today. Oh my god. Lordy. Are you gonna have kids? Yeah, when you get famous? No, I can't wait for that. You can't wait. I mean you're not having kids How old are you right now 33? Yeah, you're a young don't worry about it. How old are you? I just turned 38. You're 38.

38. Wow. Congratulations. You look great. She looked great. 22. I appreciate that. That is definitely a lot of water to my Asian mom. No, not to India. That was a poison water. That's, uh, that was unwell. But my mom is from a banana boat country called the Philippines. Oh, okay. So we're just kind of like bonsai trees. You got cut us in half and count the rings. I need somebody to count the things. The over under that 50, I believe. So far, I know. You write fortune cookies for a living. What do you? That would be the funniest merch I've all told you. Oh, shit. Unbelievable unbelievable things coming out. I've ever heard of you. He said you write fortune cookies.

38. Wow. Thank you. Thank you, Marymobby's 38. I just turned 51. You look good. I look fuck. I have feelings. Oh, yeah. Your skin is great. It's better than mine. He's always that good, Skid. I'm fucking great skin. Thank you. This. Did you ever get Botox?

I haven't had it yet. You have zero wrinkles. That's impressive. 38. I know. An antiperson who's lived, lived a hard life as you said you have. No, no. I am the comedy for five years.

That's just a furrowed brow at dumb dicks all over the place. Yeah. It's good for you. What? Dumb dicks. You're not familiar with that expression. Yeah. We're dead.

We're dead. It's like peers. Yeah. People look up to you. I'm familiar with that expression. Yeah, we're I'm dead. We're doing my peers. Oh, God. I look up to people this room. No. If you don't know one, you are one. Did they understand your background? Cause out there it's like all like white people, right? Well, I'm half white. Yeah. But the other half did they accept that? Or I mean, what? You know what? You know, I mean, like that one of Asians in Indiana, right? There was not. Yeah. So that's the, I feel like that would be a blessing. Yeah.

Cause it's like, it's like, it's like a growing up in Long Island. Every, every girl is, is brunette with dark eyebrows. And then you see one blonde, you're like, what the fuck is that? Yeah. Yeah. I just saw a unicorn. Yeah. Oh, for sure.

Even, you know, it's, it's definitely just a lot of people growing up, you know, reconciling that racist boner. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Even, you know, it's definitely just a lot of people growing up, you know, reconciling that racist boner. Yeah. Yeah. You know, that was probably you'll love this the other night. I was at Louisville and I was just doing an open market of venue called Planet of the Tapes. Oh, boy. Yeah, everything you think it is, but it was pretty tight.

But long story short, there was a man in there, probably Boomer Age and I saw him right away. I was high and he had on a button up American flag shirt. So of course right away I'm feeling and I'm like, okay, is this dude here to wash this mic or is he gonna perform? Second comment up at him. He goes up, his name is Chuck Porter,

you know, like two cuts of meat. And so he starts talking about. It's a good opening mic. Some old dad, just that's the most. Did you give him that line? No, dude, I'm someone, someone, just let them hold that line on. Dude, I'm not giving this. Check our pure listen and take it, bud. Yeah. Got it.

USDA Prime. I, uh, but Chuck got up there. He spoke on some things that felt very, uh, 1948 and then said some things about Ethiopia to no response and then got off stage. Right. I was in next last comic to go up. Yeah. By the time I get up there, I had it miked in forever. So I was like, I really just need to get up here and just go

unload a clip just full hand. And I saw him at one point and I was like, it's just floating in and out of my stream of consciousness and poor, poor chuck. I like looked at him and I was like, chuck, I'm like, I'm glad I went up next to last. I was like, because I know everything about me has to be a trigger for you. I was like, I have the face of a girl you rape slash married in NOM, the voice of your staff sergeant and the body of your, the dude you touched, dicks with in the fox hole. And legitimately one of my friends in the back just got out and walked out.

And then Chuck came up to me later and was like, holy shit, well done on that and legitimately one of my friends in the back just got out and walked out and then Chuck came up to me later and was like holy shit well done on that rule of three and it was hilarious and I was like I'm so sorry and thank you for your service but I am so yeah I'm walking out here making people feel you know and imagine me coming out of the cornfields in Indiana I had this voice I did not eat the gravel I was waiting for somebody to tell you to shut the fuck up. I just realized, I realized, so you are, you're like, you're like female Theo Vaughan.

She got the turn of the field Theo Vaughan, Theo Vietnam Vaughan. How fun of you. I was waiting for you to go shut the fuck up. We're all like, okay, that was the longest story ever told on Wike. Long story short, it always follows a very long story without somebody going what? I was like, this is great. Like we've changed as people. Yeah. I appreciate it. You do. That's honestly very good. It's as a live ship. Yeah. What would I mean you are? You are. You're now. I'm an Asian American female. Now, you know,

that's not even this. I know you're a funny. You're a good down. I'm an Asian American female. Now, you know, you're a funny, you're a good person. I would toward her for a little bit. Very night. I never looked at you as an Asian. I don't look at you as a female. I never was like, this is a, this is a really beautiful Asian female. However, if, if, if a five year male comedian was sitting here, no shot, they get through that story. Not a second. I was fucking. I'm looking at both of you. Is that I love that? I don't agree. That's a great over here. Here's my question. If Lewis was here halfway through you were a ding from a frying pan hitting her in

that. Now here's my question though. Lewis, but it is out of punch. There it is. All I ship. But at the same is that, is that have we progressed enough? Because I feel like if we progressed enough, we would have been like, shut the fuck up. No, okay. First of all, I kind of did second of a haul. You do with the story. I love your commitment. I appreciate that. Yeah. No, but it's funny. It's it's it's it's about what are you gonna say she is when it comes down to it? You don't ruin your career or your I mine's finished. This is it right here. Yeah, I'm done I chose a side. I want an open Anthony and I fucked up you do. Oh, dude, open Anthony. Yeah, we didn't know that She was gonna last forever. We didn't know something was recording it. We didn't know the evidence. We didn't know. I was going to play a clip every week. They

only told us about the internet afterwards. Yeah. We didn't understand the fucking internet. We were just trying to be as make each other laugh and make comics laugh. You have to just say the most fucked up shit about yourself and open up. we didn't understand that it was forever. Everything was for podcasting. We didn't understand that. No, but I mean also how you do? I'm asking. It's like it wasn't until people started getting canceled for podcasting that it became like, oh, we shouldn't have said that because again,

we're they're going to cancel up. We're none of us are doing that well. That's what I'm saying. That we got to just stay right below the, yeah, we have no problem with that. Yeah. It's a thing about getting is she has a shot. Yeah, you have a great, you have a great shot. You got that mix going on. Yeah, Steve, you have to get that. You have to get like nine t-shirts in the end. But the corn, lick and sucking female birds, that deep bird. Yeah. I got more web buzzing than a fucking. I just lost great bird. You closed out the show. I was oh, he oh sit by the irony. Wow

That's a Nashville. Okay. Yeah. Well, you say I'm sorry. I cut you off with a fucking But no with podcasting it wasn't till I mean honestly wasn't to like really like Shane was the first one where people go Oh fuck they're listening to our podcast yeah, but because you thought they would be like a thousand Well, that's that's saying the pain, the fame that Shane was going to get is like, but who saw that? Yeah, but that's the Avengers. Who's the only mean? I mean, I was drinking with Shane the night before his SNL audition. And we're like hammered. And he's like smoking a cigarette outside. I'd be like, yeah, I got this fucking bullshit audition tomorrow. And I go for a what? And he's like Saturday night live.

And I go like the Saturday night. Yeah. Oh, fucking second. I'm not gonna be I'm not getting it. And I was like, well, of course you're not getting it. But I mean, that's just also crazy. You're not like at home preparing for it right now. Well, people would get bed with five o'clock.

Yeah, yeah. I'd be pacing in my room. And then he got it. And you're like, that's, you know, it's that he really does have a great and that's when the Fini cried in his bathroom. Yeah, what am I doing wrong? Yeah, as a 1000th person walks by me and go, you should be on comedy central. Yeah, the good news is now you shouldn't now you should because it's on the end. But if you get on a show like that then forever, you got to be vanilla. You know, that's not true. You can't you get away with saying.

I think Jay, kind of, Jay fucking Jay did it. Yeah. Cool shit still. Yeah. Yeah, Jay does weird shit. No one's trying to get the going back into their past. They can change the brother though. You got a little, he's got a little.

And they tried, they've come after Jay a few times. And he just leans into it. He's like, yeah, cancel me. I feel like you said, but he'll quit Instagram. He'll just like delete his Twitter and sign up. But he doesn't even have like posts. We're I'm so afraid to delete any of it because I'll just have the amount of follows I really have eight. Yeah, I'll tell you this. If SNL called me and gave me the job today, I would have zero social media presence by the AM, even though I've like already gone through the I've like gone to my original tweets and they're so bad

and not from a like, uh-oh, perspective from a like horribly unfunny. I got it in like 2010 or something where I'm just updating like a Facebook stat. Oh, mine was just all really cool photos. Yeah, we did like deep dial on your Instagram. Oh, you did. We did on this show. Oh, yeah, it was terrible. I thought I was going to land him. Oh, that's a lot of hard to tell. Maybe we need to do it. Perspective shots. I used to put it. I would take photos and put it in other apps. Yeah. And then like, you know, uh, play around the filter. Dark darker. Yeah. I did. And then I'd put it back in and people look at like yeah, that's a real life. It's

that looks like Mars you idiot. Yeah, Central Park. I took a picture of a dead wing, but I feel like just to be safe. I like socks just just a just a fucking lonely. I just wanted art. Yeah, I just want to be like somebody to go, hey man, your photos really touch me. I thought. 10 years ago, like yesterday or two days ago is when I got, it was my first post on Instagram. Really? Yeah.

I would shadow bed. I know all of them. Yeah, I've had every one of them. I'm sure I'm shadow bed too. I've been through that hell. I've also had the full opposite thing happen today to me that I don't know what's going on. And I feel like I'm going to get in trouble for that.

I posted, I posted a Reels and within 15 minutes, it had like 14 or 1200 likes on it and like 65,000 views. And I was like, this isn't, this isn't possible. Like they said, it's an average is to get like 100 likes an hour. How did you do that? This is the problem with that, now I'm curious. I'm pissed off. Well, I'm not even that.

Here's why, here's why I can't even enjoy that is because it's not like the thing that I did is it wasn't even like a so it was a, it was a clip from a podcast. But what I'm saying is now when I hurry up, get a video of this podcast, it's, it's just a dude. It's you know, It shouldn't have gotten 65,000 views in an hour, but here's my problem with it. Now I go, their Instagram's going to think that I have bots or that I like a money for likes or something because of all the things. So I emailed Instagram being like, Hey, hands up here. Hands up. Don't shoot.

I don't know what's going on here. You did that. Why would you do that? You fool. Because I was looking at some of the people who were like, how do I do a reals? A reals? Shit. I don't know. You got to do reals. Reals are the only videos people watch.

Okay. Ready? Let's do a reals right now. I'm trying to get some bots to follow me. I'm going to do wind up on rich voss. Okay. I want to do you and then you say something ready. Here we go. One, two, welcome to Reels. I'm Hannah Rushline. I got more

credited. Anybody? Lushen up. Is that it? Is it saying real? Is it? Yeah. And then what do I do? So that can flip it right? And then put me. Oh, 50,000, I'm gonna go. YKWD, everybody. Thanks for checking out our reels. You're gonna do a great job out there. Bye, Bob. Let's see if this gets 60,000. How many did you get?

65,000. 65,000 views. I mean, we're trying our best here. Yeah. I'll see you guys later. Can I delete that last one? Hopefully. Yeah. I'd say something else. That's what I'm saying. It's so hello. It's it broke the whole. Did you have to tag something?

No, I'm telling you. I didn't do I didn't do anything. And it's like it's such an aberration that I'm legitimately worried that Instagram is going to now fuck my account because it's like you're doing some suspicious activity. I'm like, I didn't fucking do it. I just got 10,000 likes. There you go. Perfect. No, you did. Whatever, dude. It's also we were talking about, we were talking about that on when I was with Louis on the tour, me and him and Ron, I'm talking about like people just you're addicted to getting people to like your shit. Yeah.

I mean, you wake up in the morning and you look at your thing to see who liked what you did. Oh, it's not just that. That's the, that's the part I focus on the least. It's the anxiety of what am I posting next Once you post something it's like now what's next? Why? Fuck man because when you don't have when you don't have Established career and you don't have and you're not selling out clubs and you don't have representation

And then these web these like companies or clubs even road clubs look to see your, your amount of likes that you have, that is currency now. That's more important than people, people that have, that have Jimmy Fallon, tonight show credits, all of that is like meaningless. If you can't sell tickets, if you made art with your asshole, you'd have a lot more less. But will they come out to show? Yes.

That's my closer. You have a certain person that would come out with it with feed there. Yeah. They just sit in there. That's funny. Yeah, they all Jimmy Buffett fans. Yeah. Little Key West looking their top lip. I mean, as far as that's concerned, you're into the Mike sweetie girl at the level of comedy that I'm out, which is right. Lower middle tier. You know, like social media, once again, yes, I absolutely have to have it. Like even the week of shows I put together here, but you're very lucky that in New York was DM really, right? You know, but you're lucky that you're only five years in now.

And you understand the importance of how, how important social media is. This is cloudy. It's on my regular Instagram. How do I get this off? You have to put it on Reels, Bobbi. I didn't do it. Oh, you fucked it up. How do I do it?

Delicate. remix this real. Delicate. I'll make another one. I'm deleting do it. Oh, you fucked it up. How do I do it? Do you mix this real? Do you believe it? I'll make another one. I'm deleting this. Now, I'm saying you're lucky because you're only five years into. Now, you already, you know, going into this for your career, how important, like social media and internet presence is.

It's like, when I, I mean, fuck, when Bobby started, when I started, it was like people, online thing was like, yeah, posted online, it's getting on YouTube for fun, Z's, but it wasn't important to have an online presence, then it was fucking in my space and Facebook. Oh, yeah, there are people all the time, especially going to Chicago from Indiana where they're like, okay, do you have a Patreon?

Do you have a Twitch? Yeah. You have your YouTube channel set up. What are you doing on TikTok? How about your Instagram? If I started now, I mean, like this live performance of standup would be the least thing I focused on. It would be YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter,

all of the online things that make you money. So it's making comedy less funny. Way less funny, which is good for us, I guess, but who's coming to someone's to come to see you, you know? So you go, oh boy, it's like, you know, can a, can a YouTuber with 49 million followers even come close to holding the candle if you, if you guys both are on the same build, not at all, but chances are they brought the whole lineup. And chances are the crowd doesn't give a fuck. No, they'll still. They're just excited to see that person in real life.

That's why a lot of comedy clubs book a lot of personalities that are, that now say their comedians because they said funny stuff on reality TV once. And it's like, that's, but that's, I guess again, that's good for. But funny always wins. Does it? It does real funny.

I mean, yeah, because even if you, like your viral moment or whatever's happening and not with your likes right now or any of these people that are having those, at the end of the day, they won't be able to continue to clock in at the thing that we're doing at the level that we are. There's just like, they lack that kind of,

they don't have to grind. So there's just like, there's not that sustainability. There's not gonna be this like love of craft that's created within them. Maybe some of them, but I find most of them are just gonna be flavor of the month. And we'll see him in clubs for a year or two. And then they'll fall out of season to someone else.

And then because you get faint, keep being. You need to just slow down. I mean, you just go on and on. No. No. No. It to just slow down. I mean, you're just going to know. It's, it's, I mean, whatever. I mean, who gives a love to anybody? I love when I say things that are going to be in the comments. Yeah. No, no, no, it's, you said something that I believe, the grind, you know, people

always, you're going to sell tickets. Not everybody sells out 17 fucking not at least. Sebastian has a thing he does. Every club and every comic compares themselves to these people that you should never even compare yourself to, you shouldn't, you know, you shouldn't compare yourself to someone shittier than you, right? You know what I mean?

But you're so worried about, you know, there's a lot of levels that you find on the way to your success. You know, I mean, I've sold out shows at certain places and then I didn't sell them out. And then I've sold them out again. I mean, it is what it is. You know, um, that's one of those things you wish. But of course, again, you got to see it from the business perspective of a comedy club where you're like, hey, listen, you book me at a club. I guarantee that the people who are there will have a great time.

They'll be like, I'll come back to this club. I'll come back and see him again. But also, is there no responsibility on the club? But if you sell to get something for them, if I take somebody, I took Joe Russell to the club. Uh huh. if you sell for them, if I if I take somebody I took Joe Russell to the a club. Uh huh. My only responsibility to him, you come with me, you can open for me and you make that connection. Your job is to kill, do well enough to a that club owner likes you and likes what you did. Sure. And then make that connection and then become better every time you're

there. That's the latter. And there's the latter. But getting there, getting him getting. He did not lead it. His Facebook, his Instagram, none of that shit got him there. The only thing that got him there was fellowship, me, friends, and then me. My job is to get you over what I can. Okay, so if my, if, if, if, all I can give you as Uncle Vinnie's, yeah, that's gonna be a stepping stone

or a ladder, a rung in your ladder, that you go and then you kill and then you keep going there. Now you're in at a club. Yeah. Now that club owner, those other club owners see you work in that club and you can go to, I work over here and they can be like, Oh, cool. How is he's great. I love him. There's your another, there's another club. Then you kill as an MC, whereas I do, can you middle? Yeah, I can middle. And then you murder at middle and then you're the

middle earth that club. And then you go to this other club and then you all of a sudden another comic, I do come with me on the road. Louis does it all the time. Dale from Chicago. For sure. I saw him at the thing. I even want to be that way. Like I like I like that attitude. Like everyone is somebody's host, depending on where you're at. And I just like, you're like, I mean, different combinations that I can build to make this a viable option. Yeah, like I worked with her out on this tour. We do it Aaron in April and April and, you know, and but now here's the huge stepping stone. There is the huge just missing element that you kind of glossed right over, which is the most important, which is what is it? More established comics putting you over, which is common, such a rare. Because, because now, covet their fame. Exactly.

And that's the problem yelling at me. I've got all the, I'm not only, I can't for you. You and Lewis have honestly done more for me than like any other people in, and I've done everything, Valuis. So it's just me.

But there is, but that is such a true statement. Comics, covet their own fame, especially now with social media. And it's like these are my my followers and their my views. And so nobody wants to put anybody over. And I think before so, I'm a cover,

Covid, they covet their fans. Well, let me tell you something. Friday night, I don't have a show. Yeah, I would promote another. I would find a friend of mine and promote their show. God, to whatever that happens. What if you get 10 people, yeah, 10, that's 200 bucks. Yeah. And your pocket guy for bid. Well, but you know, that's the thing is there's so much room at the top.

But everyone that thinks they're up in that rare, rare aren't. They're still just stepping on next and you're going to be at a, you know what I mean? At a pedestrian like level and the whole thing. It's they don't even have to be at the top. They could just be someone who sells a lot of to and it's like not even not even like put this guy over a a because it's just something that annoys me. It's even like a retweet a a sharing of someone someone with a who could sell a theater walked is one of your videos and goes, dude, this stand up clip is so funny. It's like, well, you know what more valuable than that is you sharing that video. I've actually shared

Mateo's clip. Why wouldn't you? I own my story. And I would do it on my main, my main, I protect, but my story, no, I mean, it's like, I can honestly say that I also am a wild recipient and been a factor of your kindness. And, you know, I try to make sure I share at least like three to five comics, anything a week, just maybe like here's the show that they're, they're doing or they're recording an album where they just came out with an album. None of this stuff hurts me to let other people actually helps you. Yes. If someone go, if someone's a fan of mine and I go, this is my funny friend. I think you'll like them.

No one's going to go, oh, I love them so much. I hate you now. Do you know if we got 10 of us to all just like our own shit? Yeah. Every like I like the L.A. model. Yeah. What they all did and became super famous. Yeah. We can't do that New York. God forbid. God forbid one of us lose one spot. Who are the 10 people? What? Who can we get? Who can we do this? I'll buy in with blood. If

you like to just be one of the 10, almost like a Ponzi scheme or some kind of entry level at the lamp, I'm in there. I'm in there. There you go. So there are one who seriously name the people that what that will get that will do it. That are your power would do it. I don't know if I would do it. Why wouldn't you do it? I don't know. Areas pretty he is generous with the thing. Does pay people to do his butt? I read the F. Who is he does? But I feel like Sam Marille. Sam would never do it. Sam. Are you out of your mind? I'm not doing it. Sam would never fuck I've never seen him even like one of my if one of the 10 was if one of the 10 of us would Burke Christher maybe what are you going to call him and ask him a call right now.

See if it's a ball's move to just be on the pod. It bring I feel like Ariel answer and be like, you probably won't answer this. It was probably with his girl. It's late. It's probably Pat his dog or some shit. What happened? Did that get lowered? I'm so much thinking the cold lowered it.

Did you lower it? No. Sorry, Nicole is three under the bus. All right. He's not answering. Fuck. Um, well, he's out. Sorry Nicole is three under the bus. All right. He's not answering. Fuck up. Um, well, he's out. Nees out. He's out of the pack. Yeah. I don't know. It's hard. It's hard to think of 10 non-selfish comedies. Oh my God. Fucking LA comics have to be the worst at it though.

Cause you say that they, yes, they got together, but now it's over. Like, they don't, they, are they better than us at it? Oh, are they? Oh, yeah, they are significantly. Why, why in New York comics? Is it because we're, because we think we're funnier and we think we don't need to do that bullshit because our funny stands on its own because at the end of the day, funny is what matters. I just said that in cocks, it doesn't. Funny matters until we're sitting on a podcast talking about who could be our friendship packed that we can make. Unless it detectives.

No further questions. I guess you're right. I stand corrected. Funny doesn't matter. Funny doesn't. It's the fourth most important thing. need. We need to get a pack. Yeah. We need a fucking group. Well, Gabby would definitely help. She's popular.

Gabby. Brian. The way women's fat guy makes me so happy. Listen, I am such a misogynist. I know. I'm saying we have a lot of the following. So I get how many get me follows this gabby F way more than me. And I'm in about the 3,500. I can't stand.

No, I love gabby, of course, but fuck them. I don't the last thing I want is her fucking hippie fans liking me coming to my show and being disciplined. Just looking at it. See a bunch of disappointed hippies. Yeah. Yeah. Wishing they were at Burning Man. Yeah, wishing just jumping into their cars, their moms gave them bullshit, squealing away.

Going to get fucking high-priced coffee somewhere after my show. I don't know. I don't know if you're right. I think funny. I'm hoping. Yeah. I've been hoping for some time. I know. All right, listen, we're going to go into the, we have a extra YKWD Patreon only Patreon.com says Robert Kelly. We're going to go over there for a couple, a little while right now. Maybe we'll bring this back over there, talk about that. We're going to be talking about a few things over there. So I want to thank everybody for coming on

the show. First of all, where are you going to be? When does this come out? It's out now. We're live now. Well, if you're listening live, please come to McGuire's in Bohemia this Friday or Saturday out in Long Island. And otherwise, I'll be at Skankfest. But check out my podcast. I have here's a scenario that I do. Brennan Sagalo and Mike Cannon right here on this very network. Yeah. And also I just started a brand new podcast called snarky, which is just me doing a little

solo cast, ranting it up. And it's a fun time. What? It's called throwing shit against the wall. Yeah, it's just called. If you, let me tell you something, if that snarky takes off, you're going to jump right now. You're going to jump the other two. I can't wait to insurance policy.

Oh my god. They're the insurance policy. They're the way this snarky. I do like snarky. So, Arki's a good man. Do we have that on our network? No, I just do it. Yeah.

Well, you better think about that. No, it's your insurance policy. You're going to make a choice. Can you please say, listen to me, take the bandaid off the bandaid done its job. Oh my God. It's disgusting. You have another one. Red.

No, leave it on. Is there something under there? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no you look, it's suspect. Yeah, you're like fucking like you killed the guy who had it there. You killed the guy who had those clothes. And you got of course, Hannah. Yes. Um, you can follow me on social media that this matters or doesn't matter. Right. Hand or pump rules. Um, oh, that's great name. Aside from that, I'm basing out of Chicago. I'll be here in the city for a week, doing shows. If you don't do a podcast that where you watch every episode of Vanderpump rules and call it hander pump rules, what are you even doing?

What do you mean? I don't understand. Vanderpump rules is a very popular reality show. That's why I think I know. Handle's hander pump rules. If she watches Vanderpump rules and is a podcast where she recaps every episode that's happened. I mean, it's fucking right to itself.

What are we fucking doing? 10% I want. I don't want any of it. I don't know. Good because you're getting none. I don't know. I don't know the show. You remember like I love Lucy when you were growing up?

Don't fucking, I'm not even fucking me. I'm not even fucking Brady Bunch. Come on. I'm 70s. What was the Brady Bunch? 70s? For sure. All right.

So that was my show. But I watch it live. I watch reruns. Imagine if you're, if you're name, if you had an Instagram handle called the fucking the Bobby bunch or something and you watch the Brady Bunch every single week. The Bobby Bunch. Not bad.

Will you stop trying so hard? I single week. The Bobby Bunch. Not bad. We just stopped trying so hard. I'm on the spot trying to create. What am I if not a creator? You have an album coming out with laugh button. When is that happening? I'm going to record it in the end of January. And the January is recording an album, which is fantastic. Hell yeah.

Yeah. And we got over here, of course, my dates. I'm at Timonium. I'm in Maryland at Maggubbies. Maggubbies? Maggubbies, Fridays and Saturday, just here, of course, my dates. I'm at Timonium. I'm in Maryland at Magubis. Magubis? Magubis Fridays and Saturday, just that Friday and Saturday. Suck it, Skankfest South on November 5th. And then I got comics come home, take.

Oh, oh. I'm gonna apply to Skankfest next year. You should. It's the best comedy festival. As you can tell, I said, you know, that seems to be the way that I've ever done. Oh, you ever done. John, this is my wife.

Yes. First of all, you didn't take the comics come home off the internet. Don the you're on the part. It's just take it on. It's it's still up there. It's on my website. You need to refresh it. Nicole, can you refresh it? Refresh. It's a big moment. It's still up there. I don't know why. I'll look again, but I took it down today.

This is when she's wrong. She's still right. Do you understand? Because I know I took it down. Well, it's still up. So if you took it down, how could it still be up? She's working on it. She should know. What? What did you say? You heard me.

I goodbye, don't you? Bye. What's happening? Coming home. What coming home? Nobody knows. We'll leave it now. Bye. No one knows. Is my kid Nobody knows. We'll leave it now. Bye. Bye. No one knows.

It's my kid all right. Yeah. But time you coming home, I got to tell Lance to get out of here. All right. Anyways, there you go. Go to robacadolive.com for all my tickets to come see me. Go to comaguerbos.com, get yourself a YKWD shirt. And you can use code word ladybug get 20% off. Look at those cool. Look at that shirt. It could scroll down the bottom YKWD 1970s logo and you got Kels Bells and you got the YKWD hat. Everybody loves that hat. I love it too. Yeah, it's badass, right? Yeah. You know what, dude? Stick around. What else do I have to do? That's it. Yo, you guys are the best fans of the world. Thanks, Finn. Paul Verz, you were supposed to be at tonight, but he fucking douched me for what? I don't know. Something happened. I don't, I didn't, I didn't get into it. You know what I mean? Something happened. Come off. Hopefully it's, hopefully he's not

bad. I don't know. But hopefully we can reschedule him next week. We're going to be going with Colin Quinn. I believe from Streamyard not live because he doesn't do live because he got the COVID. He has COVID. No, he got a twice doing stupid podcasts. So it doesn't do live shit anymore until this is all done. Because next week you have that next week we have on Streamyard. Yeah. well you what you get with fuck you you're not happy with this and it's great fill up new new new new new ally that I've met this corn husk and soup so Colin you know you like that corn husk and soup so yeah yeah I uh well and uh there you go you guys the best

fans of the world see you know what Stick around, it's not over yet. This episode of YKWD is continuing now exclusively on patreon.com slash rubber kelly. See you there. Come on, let's go. All right, here we go. I wanna do this right here. Now, listen, now open, this is amazing. Wicked Good Furniture, wholesale furniture. Come in and get Wicked Good deals on all your name, now open. This is amazing wicked good furniture wholesale furniture. Come in and get wicked good deals on all your name brand furniture at 70% off regular retail prices.

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mention the podcast and get what? What do they get? What do they get? They're mentioned why KWD? What do they get? They get right there. Read it. What if they get the mentioned YKWD what do they get? Um they get right there read it Free delivery in look forward and set up and set up I gave you set up look forward to seeing you guys over there. All right guys. We'll see you next week You know what dude. Take a bye. Bye guys You've been listening to the YKWD podcast Thanks for listening Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan.

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