Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Suicide Calzone

Episode Date: June 18, 2018

Bobby is joined by Cumtown's Nick Mullen and Stavros Halkias this week to talk suicide, comedy meltdowns and how to pee with a boner! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com I was starting to podcast right now. You know what I'm doing back and I've been waiting for this day for too much. Too much. Yeah. I've been waiting for this day. I've been waiting for this day, two months. Two months. Yeah. That's my long enough time. I've been waiting for this day. I've been waiting for this day, six and a half weeks.

Wow. That's better. Has that been? Two months is, that's not. I've been anticipating a release of a cordless table saw for about two and a half months. Yeah. Oh, dude, why does that?

I love that. You like cordless table saw? My man loves tools. Dude, I'm a... That's the whole new thing. I've got a cordless job. This year I got a miter saw. Oh, yeah? I'm very excited. I'm a new that's the whole new thing. I've got my fight. I got a Miter saw. Oh, yeah, I'm very excited. I got a Miter saw very living in apartments

There's really no reason to have a Miter saw, but it changes again. Do you know what I want? There's a German Fuck it. It's like a vestual a vacuum the festival But it has all the tools in it like it has a saw it has all these different tools in it And it's connected to the, there's no dust. So you can bring it into somebody's house, make, I mean, literally do all the carpentry right there. It sucks into this thing and then it's all in one side. I like the dust, I want to, you know,

I'm trying to die. I'm gonna hang out all that shit. I mean, if I can, who talk with fucking, my motherfuckers. I come town, I mean, in the house finally. Yes. Let's introduce everybody Mike Nick Bowen and Stavros Halkius and we also got sitting in for a forget we we got Becky oh my Becky Rodriguez a Betsy for some reason and it was wrong. Yeah, you look at her, you know she married a Spanish guy.

Yeah, because that's not her name. That's true. That's a good name. Is that, are you speaking with Hispanic? No. OK, so yeah, so I was just assuming you were more exotic than you are, I guess. Well, she's very exotic.

Yeah. The hair is cool. Your hair is cool. Well, that could be a white Hispanic girls. Yeah, what is your What is what is your husband do by the way? He's an engineer and engineer. Oh damn. Where does he engineer a train kind of relax Nick? Immediately turn this into we got an autism Trains doing legos quickly

30 minutes segment on Rubik's Cube. Outer rhythm. Which works best. Here's the thing about fucking Nick. He's, listen, man, I love you, Stav, you're my fucking son. Yes. I mean, I die for you.

If you needed a place to live, you come live in the shed. I would be in the shed for sure. You have the shed. Yes. Because I know you survived, I did. Exactly what you would do with the son. Yeah. Well, my real son will be in the house. Yes. You have the shed. Because I know you survived it. Exactly what you would do with the sun. Yeah. Well, my real son will be in the house. Yeah.

For you. My adopted son, you go to the shed. Right. Just see if you agree. But, you know, I love you. Yes. And then, you know, I come into town, the first time I met Nick, you guys were all at that fucking baseball game.

Oh, yeah. But here's what threw me, right? Because I'm looking at it on FaceTime, I believe. And I'm like, he's with the fucking dubious nerds. I'm like, exactly who I thought you would hang out with. But it was a fucking hook. You guys were cunts. Like, hey, you guys were fucking cunts.

Like, dudes from, like, I know from Boston. It was like, you guys looked like you were fucking dungeon and dragons Yes, but you guys were acting like you were from fucking you know, Medfitt and South Boston The way you were fucking with people that's right because I remember were Dell tweeted that thing at about Come to and he said our ticket numbers and if you want to get your ass kicked come to our seats Yeah, it was me Nick. We were the toughest looking too. And it was me, Nick, and then Adam. Well, when you contrast it with Adam,

it's very easy to feel tough. Yeah. He's just got to keep a guy around. Well, then I met Nick, but Nick, you're an interesting fella. Oh, thank you. Well, because he, I mean, you do look like you would own like some type of fly fishing custom fly rod company.

Maybe one day. Yeah. No. It all goes well. I figured you're out the right way to fail out of comedy. Yeah. Or like you know, you have, you know, a brand new skateboard, electric skateboard. That I would never do.

Okay. I'm not an adult skateboarder guy. I feel bad for those guys. Why? It's just a pathetic existence. What's funny? You don't like that? You don't like fucking Gomez's fucking Instagrams on a Pennyboard?

Well, Gomez doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. He won't have, I mean, he's got this fidget spinner, that won't last. I'm talking about like the Bushwick guys, 46 years old, Pearl snaps, skateboarding still. Right, yeah, yeah. because they're stuck in 2008 just in 2008 and they were already 33 years old right yeah yeah yeah you know so they're trying to relive childhood they didn't have that was already

doubly anachronistic 10 years ago now the word what is that anachronistic out of post-intime. I don't know if it's time to give you a pep talk, but we need to dumb it down. Not for my fans, for me. That's another thing about this kid. You look like you know one thing good. Like wood. Like you know what, maybe how to fix a fucking Volkswagen.

But you're also an intelligent guy. You're very smart. And Stavis is the same way. I mean, you look like you know nothing. You're not playing mud and eat ice cream. I look very stupid. Yeah, but you guys are both very highly intelligent guys. Thank you.

Thank you. Well, that's right there. Proves that I'm right about your intelligence because you didn't go, yeah motherfucker, I am smart. You guys are smart guys, you're a smart guy, Nick. Well, we know not to bait you. You know what I mean? You know, we saw how you reacted to it.

I like when you say bait. I feel like you're calling me fat and a weird guy. That's like a round about fat joke. Yes, very round. Very supple. Little more accurate on that fat joke. Chuckie motherfucker. Smart's kind of an insult and comedy though. They're very supple little more accurate. I'm a little more direct on that sad chucky chucky motherfucker Smart's kind of an insult and comedy though. Why?

Because it kind of works in inverse to being funny, I think well they go with inverse again. Yeah, all right You can handle inverse Bob. I believe in you There's no way you warning me. Yeah Just not a nice There's no way you're warning me, I'm warning you. Yeah, no! I have. Just not a little bit. No, it's not English. Yeah, yeah. No, everyone, it's English.

I just waited inside the home depot to the podcast. I don't know. I do not know inverse. Do not say it to me. It's been nice to be it to me. The next time you're worse than me. What is it? I'm giving you an acro-nasty twist. I'm not saying it to you.

See you, I beg of you. I tried to send you money to my wife. I beg of you. I beg of you. I beg of you. I did it in the morning, though my wife. Make it fun on Mexican. Do da, do da. Make it fun on Mexican. Do da, do da da. Do da da, see.

Do da da da, see. Oh, shit. Lewis, if this is Lewis's show, he'd be like, can we get somebody to wrap that song and produce it and then make it the new theme song Uses fans like fucking Siri fans, huh? How do I get a new logo? Yeah, he had a contest to build him a website His divorce lawyer was the guy in a fitted looney tunes

That's either custody I've lost four children so far. I know the custody battle The judge is like looking through all the paperwork is like this made out of pressed hemp Why is there a gas digital The front of the judges bench, there's a gas digital sticker. Well, I mean, everybody knows it's kind of unfair what you guys did. Okay. Here's why, because you're not famous. If I say star roasts and they're here, you know, people are like, who? Most people, a lot of you, they don't know the fuck you are.

But what you did, like now in this business, you're either famous and you can get all the money. Yeah. You know, like Kevin Hart's got all the money. Now he's doing a, he's doing a fucking ninja warrior show. I mean, everything, you know what I mean? You know, how are you, Mandel? And he's doing a kid's talk.

Right. You know, you get it all. Yeah, there's 10 people that get to have everything. 10 people have all the shit right now. And then there was, you know, this shit where you kind of worked your way up. You guys have this fucking Patreon. And I, because of you two, now everybody,

we gotta get a Patreon. Yeah, right, right. Cause if they did it, if too fucking nerdy fucking what we did it because my old roommate did it they have a podcast and their podcast makes like $98,000. They're even rich in it. We are it's crazy. Yeah, $98,000 But who want what just say their name? I should know because if you're making that much money I should know chapo trap. I have no comment. We're not comics though. That's like a political show.

It's kind of common, but it's funny. They're funny, but the other not stand up. I have a fine Patreon. I have a bunch of people that go to it. I'm very happy. I love those guys, but what you guys did is crazy. I mean, you guys make a lot of money. I'm not going to say how how much is it out there?

It's just public it's public yeah It's yeah, I Don't want you guys to look at my page. You're gonna go But also I felt like I didn't want people to look at my money and be like oh you get out of money But I'm at the point like I do yeah Well, I think the whole things absurd so it should be transparent I mean you know like deserve any money to do a podcast, really. Really?

I don't think that would mean that, but like, there's a- I think I disagree with that. I started the podcast so that you could like, if you could do a show, because that's the problem if you could stuck in like that territory of being like a road feature or whatever. It's like, maybe people like you, but they'll forget you in a week. Right. And you can't be like, well, check out my website and like email list don't work.

And podcasts really are a good way to like sort of. Yeah, so the best social media for standard comics out there, I've always said that, yeah. Yeah, so it's sort of an accessory to stand up to bolster what you could do on the road. But then, I mean, quickly it became the podcast as like the main source of income. Well, because I think podcasting,

especially the way I do it, I mean, if it was just me and I could go on my shed or in my hotel, I'm in just rant for an hour, I wouldn't give a fuck about anything, I just do it. But getting people in here, putting it on the thing, I have a couple people producing it, booking the show and it's become this, but it became that.

And it evolved into that. So now it's like, So you're supposed to still, we have like a, a field recorder, no headphones. We don't, we haven't, I mean, the upfront investment was like $350 and shit. And I, we haven't upgraded anything. Right. And there's really no reason to. Right.

So, I mean, we just do it at our friends apartment. What, I gotta be honest, I've only listened to a little bit of it here and there. I'm not, I'm not gonna say that I go, dude, I love your show. Yeah. I've only listened to a little bit of it here and there. I'm not I'm not gonna say to go do it I love your show. Yeah, I haven't listened to it. I Plan on listening to your show, but I just didn't and this is a true. I didn't want to I don't know if the word to influence is what I mean, but I didn't want to listen to yours and be like Oh, that's what you get it seems like people are trying to emulate what you're doing. They're honestly, Bobby.

I think there is a little element. All we're doing is just like, it's fucking, we're stupid as shit. We're just saying dumb offensive things because we want to. It's us making our friends laugh. It's really kind of what was going on when it was like, you, Joe, Dan, and Lewis. That's the vibe.

It's like, and people kind of latch on to character, like who you are. Yeah, I think they like Joe. The appeal of the show is more our friendship rather than it's like, and people kind of latch on to character, like who you are. Yeah, I think they like to joke. The appeal of the show is more our friendship rather than it being like hard, good comedy. Can I just stop you one second? You're adorable. That's all I want to say.

Thank you. Just him? Yeah. Yeah, you're not adorable. I've definitely been our friendship. No, you're not adorable. Yeah. But he is adorable.

He just went like this and his eyes. That's my appeal. I'm the cute one on the show. You know? I'm the emotional eyes. That's my appeal. I'm the cute one on the show You know, I'm the emotional center. I'm the core. I'm the gooey core. I have dead eyes I got admit that I met when I first when he first brought you in now It's kind of like I like this kid. He's cool But you always fucking dead eyed with that and I was like Major insecurity. I wish I didn't have shark eyes

And I was like, I know, some major insecurity, I wish I didn't have sharp eyes He always looks at people, always looks at people He always looks at people, always looks at people He always looks at people, always looks at people He always looks at people, always looks at people He always looks at people, always looks at people He always looks at people, always looks at people He always looks at people, always looks at people He always looks at people, always looks at people

He always looks at people, always looks at people He always looks at people, always looks at people He always looks at people, always looks at people He always looks at people, always looks at people He always looks at people, always looks at people He always looks at people, always looks at people He always looks at people He always looks at people

He always looks at people, always looks at people He always looks at people He always looks at people, always looks at people He always looks at people, always looks at people He always looks at people forget the laugh. The church wants. Absolutely not. Try. I will not do it. Dude, listen, just because he's here, you don't pitch me out. You're not the same. All right, okay. I have respect for our relationship, Robert. I will bomb right now for you. You always feel like a flounder he's sizing up. There we go.

Pretty good, what did you say? He was a Robert Sean, the boat, but that's fine. See? He won. Thank you, all right. He's done. I never know to you try. You're right.

I believe myself, thank you, Dad. I'm both by're right. I believe myself. Thank you dad Stop I had beautiful baby blues. He had great eyes great eyes, you know That's how you can have a fucked up Irish face like that and still be a major celebrity. They really is be eyes will save you Yeah, you got dead eyes your fuck. Yeah, I have dead eyes, too, dude. No, I like this. You're I have a little twig. Yeah, you let. Let me when I met you the first couple times I true the second time I met you I tried to be nice to people think I don't like them And it's just no, I'm so sorry. I did comedy knockout and I said I said they said who do you want to help you or you have all these writers? I fucking grabbed him right?

I saw him and the hallway or something. I go get in here and I grabbed him and I'm like, oh, this is gonna be great. We're gonna fuck and we did. He was great, but he did. I swear to God, you could have put a joke robot in the room and I would have felt more close to that fucking robot. I thought we were gonna bond, we won!

I fucking won! I thought he was gonna grab my hand! We're gonna meet like, you have to see fighter at the end and take a photo! He's fucking, I didn't even say goodbye to me! He's just fucking left! That was a really fun show. That was a fucking thing. That's emotional close to this thing. What is that? It's just me and my face looks. I mean, it may be coupled with I have some sort of like reserved

affect problem or maybe emotionally stunted But definitely what you hit it right there. Yeah, I'm just lost right now There's like shows like people take pictures it shows and it's maybe I don't know if it's got worse as I've gotten older But like as digital photography's gotten better over the last 10 years people take pictures of me on stage and I look like a blind person Dude you I'm telling you you fucking And then I and then I mean everybody I talk to loves you. Like everybody's great guy, great guy. And I'm like, I think so too, but he won't let me in. Yeah, I know, I mean, I just, it's a little bit.

Let me in, Nick. It's just my face. I don't know what to do about it. I wanted to invite him to the barbecue, but I was like, no, I don't want to get rejected. I don't think I rejected. He would have come. I just didn't want to get rejected.

No, not a vocal affect, a reserved affect. That's what I thought. You made fucking Becky dumb. Yeah. I don't want to get rejected. No, not a vocal affect, a reserved affect, a reserved affect, close. You made fucking Becky dumb. Yeah. Do you know, is that it, do you know what you, it just means my face isn't very like emotional. I'm trying to learn, okay?

I'm going to know what it means. Yeah, because it's ruined my life. Now, now this come town, okay. So it's just you guys, it's you, three guys. Yeah, Adam. Okay, so it's just you guys you three guys. Yeah, Adam Also, Adam and you guys are making thirty thousand dollars a week. I mean I'm a month a month. Sorry Fucking freaked out. Yeah We could be fucking insane, but I look I know you Stavvy when you had no money. Yes

I mean, I used to take it to Korean barbecue and you would highlight highlight of my year, if there's something's happening, we'll talk about it, but it can be about whatever the fuck it doesn't really matter. And you just do it at somebody's house, on a recorder, a field recorder, and you put it up. There's no video? No, we might do video at some point, I don't know. But you don't do it now.

We do not do it now. And this is fucking, it's like, it's like, this is the business. This is the magic of this business. You don't know what, aware, when, you couldn't have imagined that this would happen. No, fuck no. I thought we were gonna do like eight episodes

and then never do it again. Yeah. I thought it was like, we were both depressed to shit in our lives were horrific. And then it's just like, we're just started, Nick and I. I mean, that hasn't changed. Yeah.

How are you depressed? I don't know. I mean mean it gets worse too tell me good Therapy well the more success you have and it's like well I should feel better now and then you don't it's like I guess I should just kill myself Please don't kill yourself Because your face has I will kill myself. I yeah, I like you have you don't think about that This is also like the birth of my child eyes. I can't change The moment the moment that fucking new snaps against the back of my skull eyes. I can't change it. The moment the moment that

fucking new snaps against the back of my skull is going to look exactly the same as Don't be hacking yourself. There's a reason it's so popular. Swallow paint. No, here's what you do. You get you get a little fucking train become retarded and you get this was the answer. This show would be better. Yeah. When he comes in his eyes, it better be better. Yeah. They look Chinese before him. Yeah, he's happy all the time.

Just drooling into a fucking cup of sand. He's finally got to his beautiful almond shaped eyes as always wanted. That extra chrome is not really changed his life. Thank you, Sherwin Williams. Oh, shit. But I mean look, that's so fucked up. I hope I hope you don't think, look man, I'm looking at you right now. Good looking guy. You're in great shape for a comedian.

Yeah, naturally. Could you work out? Yeah, of course. Okay, so you work out, of course. I mean, I was kind of hoping on my little man, Chris, I have on him, but he was like, naturally, could you work out? Yeah, of course. Okay, so you work out, of course. I mean, I was kind of hoping on my little man, Krusha, I have on him, but he was like, no, I know, it's just me. I've got a couple notches. I'm a disaster, if I don't. But you're a good looking guy. You're talented, you're very, you're talented.

You got a chick going on, the podcast is kicking. You guys are now, you're going on the road. You guys can sell out places. Do you, now, one of the fears I have all the time, because I've been doing it for so long is that I've got like five hours of material I've been through over the 20 something years, but I'm constantly trying to fucking,

I gotta go back to these places all the time and do these shows and I gotta have something new where I feel like shit a lot. You know what I mean? I feel I'm scared all the time of that I'm not worthy or I'm not great enough for blah, blah, blah. I mean, it's these insecurities you have, even though you're going up, but do you have these?

Now, because you're, you guys are selling these places out and are you coming through for the fans? Do you, are you nervous? Like shit, this is bigger than I am right now. Comedy-wise? No, because selling out, I mean, it's not like we're selling out theaters. The selling out is like alternative venues

where it's talking about like at most, like 300 tickets for in the individual. But that's for one show. Yeah, for one show. But that's pretty good. Yeah, it's not bad. It's great. I mean, it is weird because we're doing live podcasts, which is like I Would rather do stand up. Yeah, it's like oh you're not doing stand up. No, we do stand up all too

But not the three of us. We don't tour our stand up together. Oh, you know, oh, you know I thought you guys would do live podcast. I mean we could tour stand up And we just haven't really figured it out or really thought about it right that's part of the appeal of the show is that Well, so so much of like my-up career has been independent from the podcast. I don't that would feel wrong, right? I know you mean yeah, it's like we all do want to just be stand-ups to buy yourself Yeah, so you'll want you want to go starry and do you and we all to me and they call both are doing like our own Gates and then we just tore the the podcast I know you got you got you both two hours and you're the headliners now.

Mm-hmm, yeah. And who goes with you? Does anybody, or you just deal with whoever? I mean, the last one I did, they put a showcase together local comics. Right, now now, are you, is your comedy? I was worried that like, you know,

like I gotta go up after everybody all the fucking time. Yeah, yeah. So I was worried, I gotta be the motherfucker. I can't not be, doesn't always work out that way. Sometimes you're not most of fucking time. Yeah, yeah. So I was worried, I gotta be the motherfucker. I can't not be, it doesn't always work out that way. Sometimes you're not most of the time I am. You know what I mean?

Like being in that spot, like I did a benefit last night. I have to go up, I can't go up second. I always have to go up at the fucking end. Because this, you know, I'm barbed, which I'm fine, you know, like it comes with the territory. But you're finding that, you know, I'm barbed, which I'm fine, you know, it comes with the tariff.

But you're finding that you guys have to have that responsibility now in comedy. Well, yeah, obviously, I mean, every headliner should feel pressure to be the best comic on the show. Yeah, yeah. And it's, but is it freaking you out? Are you cool with it?

You love it? No. I mean, I don't, yeah. As long as I don't like, have a terrible sad, I don't really care. Right, right, right. You know, and then more of the pressure don't have a terrible sad, I don't really care. Right, right, right. And then more of the pressure is to turn over new material, I think.

Because as you guys, you're taking podcast fans and then going, come see me do comedy. That is where. So just the comedy is a comedy in the podcast at the same level. We're better at stand up than we are at the board. Yeah, I'm better at stand up, but it is much different. I mean, I spent like, I don't know,

eight years is like a road feature. So the bulk of like, I mean, if I'm doing like an hour, I mean, some of that is gonna have to be material from like, I don't know, even six, seven years ago. Yeah. That's like the material that I started writing so that I could work clubs and not get fired

and I could come back as a middle. I think the first 10 years, eight, 10 years of your life, is coming up with that in first hour. And that first hour, even after that 10 years, kind of gets bigger and tighter and smaller. And then after that is when you start, it gets shorter and shorter to write the hour. But that first 10 years is creating that motherfucker hour.

That's why people's albums, their first album, it's so good. It's so fucking. It's a decade of work. It's a decade of work. Yeah, my second album was better than my first But there was a bunch of stuff from the first that I did this so it was like it was kind of an amalgamation I'm also like getting back nothing nothing I fucking threw that out there for you guys That's good, I like it. It's just you used to hearing that word, so that's why you just went over it, right? What? A malgum?

A malgumation. A malgumation. I used that word, all right. Okay, where'd you pick that one up? I fucking just came to me. Wow. You've all channeled it. I don't know where I went.

Bob, Bob, you always saw for you. I was selecting a cavity for you. But if you go back, if you had the insecurity, how it came, I would have malgumed. He's actually just giving you words in the headphones. Say malgumation. No, no, no, no, malgumation. Well, it's funny because, hang on, I mean, you don't really think about suicide, do you? Oh, I mean, yeah, I do, probably. Really?

Yeah, yeah, for sure. I mean, that's, but I always have. So it's like, that's not something I'm really too worried about. Well, I think you should, because I've never thought about it. I never,

never alien to me. That is absurd. I swear to God, I've never thought about killing myself. I've thought about, maybe because I have, I have, I've always had addictions. I've thought about just going nuts with food,

or fucking hookers, or drugs, or drinking, or fucking, or that anger. Like, I've had that. So it's like, I'm not gonna kill myself. I'll just go fucking eat nine pizzas. I mean, maybe that's killing myself. Yeah, all the drugs. All the drugs.

Yeah, I mean, we just, yeah. Actually, I've been trying to commit suicide for 47 years. Same side by Hogi. I'm actually, Calzone. That'd be a great idea. Calzone, death, Calzone.

In fact, a large, there was an actual fact that if I ate two Calzones, I'd die. That would be a hard, maybe I would think about it. Yeah, it would. And they look so good. They're the best Calzones you've ever seen in your life. They, it would be a hard, maybe I would think about it. And they look so good. They're the best calzones you've ever seen in your life. They're just glistening and it's...

Stromboli and calzone. Ah, calzone. Calzone, oh no, that's the point. Yeah, with a little dip in sauce, dip in sauce. Oh, that's the point. I mean, what's the functional difference between the two? It's just the shape, right? Yeah, it's the shape, but the, uh,

I think the cheese is different inside too. I like a, uh, a Stromboli. Stromboli traditionally has some type of ragata, right? Yes. And the other one, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Oh, come on. Oh my god. Have it when the cheese drips out and all of a sudden the oil from the Cheese and it drips out on the thing and you're like, oh my god. I like as you go to pizza place and they have Strumboly, but then the chicken version is just called the chicken roll. Yeah, because that's a chicken roll That was an look Strumboly is cheese and a little meat. Yeah, it's a full that up. Yeah, it's life. But it's not a chicken

Strumboly. It's a chicken roll. It's you start doing chickensaving in it. But it's not a chicken strumbly, it's a chicken roll. You start doing chicken roll, that's a chicken palm. Basically this asshole somewhere, put chicken, that diced up horse shit chicken. I was going mad at that. I like chicken rolls. Chicken roll, you can't fuck with it, it's a great roll but it's not good. The Costco chicken roll?

You're a fuck with that thing? No. Oh my God. The Costco fucking worth a membership. Cafeteria, yeah, 100%. Costco's got some good food. They got good food, dude. I mean, you got that motherfucker rotisserie chicken in there.

They got little pepper wings. You're not the first person that has come to me with this fucking Costco thing. The pizza's good. The Costco pizza's good. Do it fucking turkey burgers at Costco? Yeah. You think it's gonna be, there's something up with them

that they're fucking off the chart. My favorite thing at Costco is the Faber J.A.G.s by the Empress. Who's buying a Faber J.A.G. at Costco? Faber J.A.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.'m gonna lose your Faber J. Egg. I'm gonna get a Faber J. Egg in three wet suits. Yeah. And this fucking all the notes. I'm gonna get a quilt for camping. Yeah. Yeah, I, you know, look, man, two people killed themselves this week. Three people, actually, there was a Duchess.

I forget where, maybe, I don't know where she was over here. You know, a Duchess killed herself this week, two hung herself, suicide, and then you had Kate's bed, it's so weird though that Kate's bed and Anthony Bourdain, it's weird that they both hung them self. Somebody actually brought it up,

maybe it was a serial killer. Well, a lot of people think it was the massage. Yeah, no, he's paid to. What did she do to? Well, he's paid was just over 40. So it makes. Anthony per day. Because he did all that me too, shit. They said that a Weinstein had the massage. Makes sense. And when I say they, of course, I mean my racist friends from the internet. I don't mean the massage is up to a lot of stuff actually

Yeah, the massage good and everything is real good. It's okay by me. I love the olive tree I think Harvey's innocent What is God? What are you all about? What is God? What is God? What is God? What is God? I don't know. I know. A Keitson like a weapon to my illegal settlement.

That's what it is. Yeah. I'm a cheater. I think it's weird. I do think it's weird that three people committed so I'm more than that actually. And then I did a suicide prevention benefit last you know what suicide clusters are you heard of those? No, so in certain areas like I think it's usually teenagers There'll be pockets of like spontaneous suicides where it happens like in groups. Oh fuck. Yeah

So there's like splash damage from a suicide where other people will kill themselves because they just it's like they're in that spot at that time And somebody kills themselves like oh, I'll fuck you do that. Well, I think that people like on some level know it's always an option You know and when you're like met with that like apparently the National suicide prevention hotline had like an increase of 25% and calls after board ains Actually suicide in America is up 25% this year. Oh, yeah, damn. It's it's it's crazy Imagine that Kill themselves because of Obama not that Not man, right? They just got proper stickers and more guns

Kill themselves I think about it that helps global warming more than anything else. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, people are carving footprint of a fucking human being. He's done more for the environment than anybody since Nixon. That's right. The EPA should love Trump. Yeah.

Which was created by a Republican, by the way. Thank you. Yeah. I got a king. Are you a Republican? No, you're not. What are you? i'm not really really you you center yeah the only things i i really care about is i think everybody

should have free health care and i think we should raise the minimum wage pretty significantly uh... things like that so i guess left is basically common sense yeah well i would consider a common sense but a lot of people disagree with that davis mith which are you know know have a huge problem with the market is what why the date for a libertarian is a libertarian so he thinks nobody should have health care and the children should be slaves

kids do work cheap well the ugly one should be right right the one's not rich parents it should die in fact or Max is in he's good you're good you're good Max is cute good. You're good. Max is cute as shit. He gets an education because of his cheekbone. It was a bone structure. His bum chin.

His bum dimple. His rather large cock for a five year old. It's always hard. That's why. The permahard did. My little cousin would do that. He would just get his dick hard and run around when he was five. And be like, my dick hurts.

Yeah. That was me. Me and my little brothers would have dick measuring contests. And the secret weapon I had in my back pocket was getting hard. They didn't know about getting hard yet. So I would just jerk off as a five-year-old and be like, sorry, I have the biggest dick. I used to do that with cum.

You're coming to the link. Put it in my, yeah. I'll just tell Jack, my friends in cum, yeah. I just throw the chain. I thought I was spider-man. Yeah. That's how you would win the dick measure. I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just throw the chain. I thought I was spider-man. Yeah. That's how you would win the dick measure. Yeah. I'll just, I'll just, I'll just throw the chain. I thought I was spider-man. Yeah. That's how you would win the dick measure. Yeah. I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just throw the democracy. Yeah. I uh well my he was uh he pees at night now we got to

wake him up and take a little piss. Uh you have to wake him up. Sometimes sometimes you'll wake up and go piss. Cool thing is a dad ever is when you're watching TV around 12 o'clock and you hear your son get up and you see a fucking whizzin

that fucking that that piss hitting the water and you're like, he's a man, you know what I mean? Not that girl. Oh, he's got a nice stream. So, but what happened is that sometimes you get to wake him up and bring him in, he's too tired and he's got a full fledged fucking rocket and he's gonna piss all over the wall.

And I'm like dude, He's like you help me I'm like now we're over there. Well, I'm not fucking bending down your rod It's too creepy. I'm gonna push in his helmet my index finger. I'm not this this is you know I mean you know I'm a shower making piss in the shower. No, no, I'm gonna piss the shower Why don't I do put him in the shower Cause you gotta teach him, he's a kid, you gotta do that as a grown man. If my dick is hard and I have to piss,

I'll just get in the shower and piss all of you, well, is a shower, I'm not gonna risk having a call. I'll angle my cock down. That goes away though, cause when you're in your 40s, your dick never gets hard again. Yeah, that's just seem too tranny sucking each other out. I'm gonna bust.

It's only when my dick gets hard. Why is Bobby going all these bus tours? Like, it's like, Bobby, you spent $2,000 in Manhattan's wars this month. That's awful. It's awful. It's awful. I've fucking, I pre-come for fucking 45 minutes

on my iPhone now. To know, know, seen it, done it, No, sure farm wait. Yeah, yeah, I fucking need crazy shit What's your what are you into right now? Old men sucking each other off It's just about the respect they have for each other I found this guy hoping his son pitch. I don't know what it is about that one. Oh, it gets me pretty good. Yeah, it's cool. I like to imagine he's in a rack veteran.

And he's lost the ability to go soft on the floor. I'm hoping back into society, bathroom first. Yeah, he's, yeah, it's pretty hard right now to max penis. Is that what I mean? It's funny because he knows what a penis is now. Maybe other couch is playing with it. Like just with two hands, four fingers. I would wish I could play with my penis. Sure, sure, sure. Just sit on the couch and playing with it. Like just with two hands, four fingers. I would wish I could play with my pants. Just sit on the couch and just

yes, yes, yes, we'll get in there. And we got to sit there and go, you know, when he was a little younger, you'd be like, look, look, look, can he play with his thinking, found it. But now it's like, all right, you got to knock that off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't you do that. You do that and you can't just grab your deck anyway. He can almost tie his shoes. He can't, once you tie your shoes, I feel like you can. Here's the funny part about fucking tie and shoes and writing cursive and a bunch of the shit. We, you don't have to tie shoes anymore. They have velcro for kids.

You don't, I mean, I don't even know, I mean, I go. Well, you, she should, yeah, but not for kids. You should teach her some of that. I know that for her shoes. You don't want to go on going out and not going out of tie and shoes. Yeah, yeah, you don't have to go to the tie trade. I'm thinking, let's say, don't diapers now. Yeah, I'm not going to, shit himself in the middle school. You don't have to run out of read, you don't have I am a good I trade him. I think it's a Dump diapers now

Shit himself in middle school You don't have to read You just scream Yeah Okay, scream at people Hang on a second I'm gonna back up all this Yeah

Unless you have more No, no, no You guys are gonna fucking roll I What up? Okay, reading here's another thing Videos Max is 19 Velcro

I know why I know I'm telling you that my grandfather had a shit load of books in his house about all the shit He taught himself over the years downstairs and his little work thing. He had tools and books Now me I have a whole you know my shed. I have all my tools and all the shit in the last five years I've gotten from having to have this backyard and take care of a house. I didn't read one book. I built a pirate ship. I've built a zip line. I fixed everything in my house that could be fixed. I feel I learned how to you know what the word inverse is. That's the effective narrative. Yeah, I understand, but you, but I still know more than a guy that has a fucking college education. I'm more shit than he knows.

He might know one, two, three things very good. But I'll just do it. You know, so my heat went out one night. I mean, I was 250 to come out, 250 an hour after that to fix it in the middle of the night. I went on YouTube and I saw some do-of-the-hair lib. I had to get through, had to go through the cup. And I'm done, dude, I fixed my heat. I had it.

I got my tools, I unscrewed this, I did this, I had to take that out, clean it off, put it back in, heat fixed, I saved myself thousands of dollars going to fucking YouTube. I learned carpentry That's it. Yeah, I'm a I learned every carpenter and it's it's from just doing it myself Yeah, that's it. I mean I mean you saw the pirate ship. I built a project rule You saw the zip line. I took my wife was like We're gonna you get somebody to build the platform for the I go I got palettes I got I have all this extra wood went and got palettes and a bunch of extra wood and I me and my friend Joe build the platform on the back

Yeah, and around a half hour for an hour maybe So it's like you to my grandfather all these books. I've learned I sit there all the stuff about camping I've learned over the last year and a half My I just got a hammock. I know how I knew everything about it. When it came, I knew every single thing about it, how to put it up, all the do's and don'ts, and it was all from YouTube. Now, I would have had to read about that before. Read all the directions, read all the shit about it. Sounds fucking gay. Well, hammocks, the shit. No, no, gay. Well, I'm the hammer. Oh, hammer's the shit.

No, no, reading. Well, look, reading for me is all I've never liked it. I've hated it my whole life. I fall asleep. You want me to go to sleep? You probably have a learning disability. I definitely have a learning disability. But I'll watch something and I'll fucking,

in two seconds. So going back to, are you right? I should teach my kid how to tie his shoes. But they don't have shoes for five year olds with fucking laces really right they all come with Velcro. I had giant feet so I had orthopedic old man Velcro shoes as a baby like I was like seven years old and I still didn't tie my I couldn't tie what it has loud every talk Velcro shoot on that money on him shoes getting to man

Fully new just Velcro white shoes Like a fucking Korean war vet would wear Yeah, I was bought those couple weeks ago. I swear to God my wife my wife who she made me put them back I had them in my hand. Yeah, I was what the most comfortable sneaker I bought those a couple weeks ago. I swear to God, my wife, she made me put them back. I had them in my hand. I was the most comfortable sneaker I've ever put on in my life is that Nike, that Nike old man, too. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Woof, the monarch, the air monarch. I think it was the air monarchs. Most comfortable, sure, I've ever wanted my life. I might buy some of those actually. Oh, too, so comfy. She made me put them back. But I think I don't think you need, I mean, these kids are growing,

cursive, you're not being taught cursive anymore. Curse of that bullshit, I don't know why we have a curse. What the fuck are we doing that for? I don't know. I don't know. So you can read the Constitution, that's such good. I don't know.

I'm basically, yeah, I mean, that's what, like, you know, sure, what else to do. What else to do? Or you could read an old time, you fucking letters. This is what a fucking follower I am. I've never asked why we need to learn cursive. Yeah, I just did it. And I wrote in cursive my whole life,

I never thought about what it meant. Like, what is cursive? It's just, I mean, printing is so much easier. Yeah, and now no one even has to fucking right Honestly, it's nobody writes anymore. Yeah, no letters. So like you don't think that shoelaces are going out I guarantee you never turn off auto like the like even just the the fixing your fucked up typing on the phone and just see What nonsense it looks like when you're just typing about the phone doing that's crazy It's like I'm you're everyone is a functional retard

yeah what you're actually typing in there is just this complete mess yeah and the phone does all this work to communicate for you yes but because you see the keyboard and you have like memories of typing on a manual keyboard yeah you think oh I'm typing and it's not so we're just approximating all this shit with your limp wrists and then communication happens. So we're becoming, I mean, like, okay, I don't have a ton of books, but I know a bunch of shit. I've learned more in the last five years being a dad or an owning a house than I learned in the last fucking 15 years of just being an comic.

Yeah, just trying to, you know, tell dick jokes and get pussy, right? Sounds good. So, you don't have to learn anything with being a comic. Just trying to, you know, tell dick jokes and get pussy. Of course. Right? Sounds good. So, you don't have to learn anything with being a comic. My favorite thing is about comedians is that like, none of us know how a microphone works and it is the only tool.

Literally the only thing that we have in our job. And that is, we can explain it. We can see the comic when the mic goes out on stage. And they can't put it back together. Yeah, it takes weeks. And they're like, we're at the foot. We're at the foot. We're at the foot.

So you've been doing comedy since 1997. Yeah. Like we should practice. We should practice before the show. Yeah. Just taking a mic at home like this. Yeah. Yeah, I'm good.

I'm good. Raise the mic stand up. Lower it. Lower it. We never do sound checks. Never. We never walk in to go test one test. Do to see if the sound is good. We just go on to go sound sucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the show. That's how fucking sticks. Yeah, but you could have fixed that.

Yeah, yeah, this is a douchebag at a box. Yeah, that would have fun. I had to fix the board at a spot we did in Philly and it's only from doing the podcast that I would know what to do to fix the board. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that is true man. We don't have to learn once you Choose what the fuck you're doing. Yeah, oh life you're just done But I think that does change at least for me and I have to equate it to Nice My to equate it to. Nice. Uh, my, my, my, oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't know what you were nodding it. A two syllable word. Really bugging me. I mean, you're not even, this is bad. I don't know what a word that I give emotional cues, Bob. Yeah. I give emotional cues. It's got to be all words.

Excuse me. I got to hold your innate. A bigger word than equate, by the way. You're a nates. A bigger word than equate by the way. Your name is a more impressive word than equate. Not as elegant. A gal again. The biggest words you know are from the backs of Pontiacs from 30 years ago. Not as Liseber

Gants So I've got What was I saying? It's something that quite you said a quote I would equate some of it to my I think what happens to There's a midlife crisis thing that happens some of it to my, I think what happens to, there's a midlife crisis thing that happens. When you have a kid and when you do say, okay, I'm gonna go have this other thing,

other than when you're not in love with just comedy anymore, and you become, and you have a family love, then you start going, I gotta learn how to do shit. You know, like this whole camping thing that I'm going through right now, where I wanna go out in the woods. No, fuck that dude. Dude, I love, right want to go out in the woods. No fuck that dude

I do it. I love it. Fuck nature. What no? We beat nature. We don't need to be there anymore We revolved past having to fucking have bugs in our ass and shit like that Well, I don't like I don't like come town, Stovey. I like ykwd Stovey this fuck that Fuck nature. I'm not on that stuff for this accent. I don't like it. I'm not impressed Unless I fucking you had a dovetail a joint or some shit like that unless I fucking put together a Cabinet Nick would not be in public. Dovetailings fucking motherfucker. Yeah, wow. Yeah, that would impress you right? Yeah, yeah

Yeah, that would impress you, right? Yeah. See? Yeah. You could free in some dovetails, that would be pretty cool. Yeah, exactly. I know how Nick works. Yeah.

I'm gonna dovetail for you. That'd be great. Do you have a whole, do you have a workshop? Or do you just have tools? I have a little workshop. I have it off of my house. Yeah. Inside that I do a bunch of stuff.

But I have, I usually take it out into my back here. Are you in Westchester? Westchester. Yeah. I'm gonna invite you up. You should come up. I should invite you to the party. We're gonna have another barbecue. Yeah, he smokes cigars You're in there. Yeah, we're gonna have a cigar barbecue cigar-bacute Subbarbecue

Subbarbecue Subbarbecue cigar-bacute You know cigar-bacute I think cigar-bacute cigar-bacute cigar-bacute yeah, all right This is the kind of I'm not looking at you Never fucking point you go wait for me to go and then you go

You understand that My god, so so glad you have a husband Not that I had a shot ever Bugs me. I don't have a shot anymore, but my brain doesn't know how fat I am Mm-hmm until I like it till sold till a fan takes a photo and I'm just like Am I flash at the wrong angle? Oh the overhead light mean any angle? Yeah, I have I literally have one angle space I literally have one angle space. Yeah. I literally have to do this to make a photo. That's the end with my eyes.

So I'm going to take a picture and then it looks like when they find one of those new animals in a cave. You can see all the naked ball rats. It's like a hairless ball. You really do have fucking... Dude! Oh no, dude. This is tragedy.

Yeah. It's so fucking weird man, but I'm happy You really do have fucking This is tragedy It's so fucking weird man, but I'm happy because I feel like we can be friends now Yeah, sure, I mean because I just know that you're you're listening Even though I feel like you're not usually those eyes like the with the eye the glass sunglasses eyes painted on them You know like homer head and that but yeah, yeah, yeah So or just paint beautiful eyes on your eyelids because your eyes forever I actually know a face painted that can do that. Yeah, yeah, she did that. Yeah, she, or just paint beautiful eyes on your eyelids. That's your eyes forever. I actually know a face paint dude that can do that. Yeah, she did that.

Yeah, she was at the barbecue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a Max's eyes. Yeah, Max wanted to be an avatar for she's unbelievable, by the way. Mm-hmm. If you're ever in a party, what's it called? What were they called again? Face, face to face.

Face to face. Yeah, let's talk. I gotta give her a big plug. Yeah. Look up. When you look up that party, look up face painting. I'll get my wife to do it.

Sorry about that. That's good. Anyways, I didn't sound good. Yeah, I just don't, I don't think the kids, I think things are making us dumber because you don't have to do as much as you had to do back when I was a kid or when you guys were a kid. And I think it's going to get worse. I think shoelaces are going to be gone.

I really think shoelaces. I think shoelaces give me a chance because your heart is going to want to tie your shoes. No, it's just going to be an electronic thing. Zippers and buttons will be gone. There will be no. I'm telling you, it's going to be closer going to change. All the shit's going to, if you look at a hiking shoe, they have a thing now, where you just pull and it holds it.

They're gonna be shoes that the lace is automatically tied. So you slip them in. The morning McFly shoes. That's gonna happen, but I wouldn't, I don't know, 200 years ago everything was fixed with buckles. You had to put your socks on with buckles There's buckles on hats There's no buckles on socks. There were buckles on socks buckles on hats. The pills have sock drawers. They were covered in buckles

They had a buckling sock. Yeah, oh to hold the sock nothing out elastic in it. So everything was Oh, I mean obviously preferable Buckles, well, I mean no, no, no, what we have now to all that shit So buckles. It's not that far actually so last takes for the last what 100 years. Yeah, I was imagine the person that invented like Sweat suits thought like this is it Close we're all just gonna wear sweatsuit. They do have I'm telling you right now. They have the suitee What's that? Yeah, yeah, you don't know what the suitee is? It's a suit that looks like a sweat pants.

It's a one-z-a-be-be. It's a one-z-a-be made out of sweat pant material. So you can just climb in it, zip it up, and it looks like you're wearing a suit. Yeah. It's the best thing ever. Hats, buckles, everything buckles. Yeah, but there was a buckle on a shoe,

but I don't see a buckle on a sock. Well, they were held up with some that wasn't a last day Oh, maybe draw strings No, it was a buckle on the sock that went up to your cap up over your calf Right, yeah, something like that. Yeah By the way, they look so cute. Here's a Shot dude Suzy I

Think I think that shit's gonna, a YouTube is the new book. I mean, it really is. Anything you need to learn, you go to YouTube. You do not have to fucking read anymore. I don't have to get a cyclopedia to learn about malls or fucking crickets or seriously, me and my kid will go on a hike. So that shit for you. Collect a bunch of bugs.

For sure. Wikipedia is like, obviously a much better choice than encyclopedia Britannica at this point. Yeah, but YouTube is even better because you can type in your question. Yeah. You can actually go to Google, type in purple bug northeast and then come up and then you click on it

and put it into YouTube. I will disagree though. I have to do shit with a QuickBooks. I've been trying to learn QuickBooks for just business stuff. And I did get the QuickBooks for dummy's book rather than go YouTube. Because with the book, you can immediately go to exactly what you want.

Whereas with YouTube, you've got to like fish through the fucking video in a Samass hold. It's like, you know, this actually took me a long time. Yeah. Because more annoying. At the time, you know, I actually, my time. I actually, I've just realized I have OCD in the last couple of years. And my OCD really gets off on hunting down that shit. So those videos, like I love finding the video that I want and then watching it and then going down a spiral from there.

Are we talking about porn again? No. Going down a dark spiral. Well, it's weird because when I did that pirate ship in my backyard, I saw a photo of it on the internet. And then I had to go on to YouTube and find how to put things together, like frame a floor. And then I had to go find pirate ship. And then it was teaching,

there was a bunch of videos how to make a real ship. And I was like, no, I had to go, I had to keep fine. And then I found somebody who made like a pirate ship, but it was bigger. Then I had to scale, it was all this weird shit. And people like, how'd you learn how to do that? It's like, I just watched on my phone.

I sat on my phone and fucking watched a bunch of assholes, literally just like me, just a bunch of shit dicks. And they suck at, they have no personality whatsoever. A lot of this bushcraft stuff, very weird. Cause it's like a guy, bushcraft is where you learn how to trim men's pubes. Anything from the waist down. Just man, bushcraft.

Yeah, just man. Yeah, but it's weird. Like a lot of those guys are, you know, hey, man, it's me again. And welcome back to my channel. I want to thank the man who sent me that grill. You know, and then they won't, you know, this is not right here. Which you want to do, and they teach you how to do

all this fucked up shit. They always leave out nuances though. Like they, like they'll, like I bought this tent. You were watch rough cut. What's that? With Tommy McDonald. No, what's that? He's one of the guys from this old house,

but he's got his own show on Amazon Prime. He's like a carpenter, right? But he's from Boston and then every episode they're like, okay, well to get this piece of furniture We had to go to we took a little road trip So we're all the way here in Quincy, Mass and like never really leaves boss Yeah, there's always these road trips They're just like wow we went all the way to the other side of the river We took a 10-minute drive Yeah. We took the tea. Yeah. His entire world is New England. Yeah. So funny though, that I got out of Boston, but when I was there, the world, I didn't know the world existed. I didn't understand that there was other states.

I didn't understand it. I didn't get it. That's why we don't need reading anymore. Yeah. It was the first place to outlaw reading. Yeah. It's all fucking YouTube videos. They read his cartoons. I mean, we can destroy it. Yeah.

I mean, what do you read all the time? Not all the time, but yeah, I read a decent amount of it. I hate a guy who comes in. I'm not gonna name names You come into the seller and put you know saturday night put a book down on the table. We know it's not Lewis Yes I just found this thing outside of you ever seen one of these Wait, we look like a DVD, but there's paper in it. I don't know magazine, but no pictures. What the fuck is this?

It's like somebody tried to write down a podcast. Yeah. What is it? I just used the beat of Homesky. Someone just said I printed lot of bunch of YouTube comments But like it's like dude come on with your book. Yeah, you know, we would just read just read in the Uber on the chat the fuck up Yeah, put your book away. I keep the only book at home the only place. I actually do read is the train Like if I take a fucking long-ass train ride, I like I write a book. It's about sports, it's not like that.

You write a book? No, I write a book. Yeah, I've written books. As a child, I used to write my own. That was my scam I would pull. When it was a book report, I would just write a book and then do a report on my own book. It's a pretty good scam.

So, there's no way that works. It didn't work. I was immediately, they're like, who is the author? I was like, Stavros Halkey. I'm in there like, you're six years old. I remember this kid trying to like make up what he thought to kill a mockingbird was about.

Was this like hungarian kid? And he was like, he was like, you know, we go to the library, he has to pick a book to read and then it goes, you do a book report on it. And he's like, man, look at all of these books. There's no way the teacher has read all these books because of his logic

so it's the book report on the kill a mocking bird and he's like I love that he picked that one the most famous book they are even like then like the your choices are you like that or fucking super fudge you're not reading something that the teacher isn't familiar right right right you know that funny, that's good. It does make sense though. There's no way you read all these things. Oh yeah, exactly.

You would have no idea what this famous assigned piece of reading is. It was crazy to me. My grandfather had just hundreds of books on bookshelves, and I so envy that. It looks cool. But he read them. Like that's legitimate reading for 100 years, type thing. And I'm like, fuck, I've always wanted to be that guy.

But I think my learning disability won't, I mean, what am I gonna do? I'm gonna go take a course at a community college that I'm all over saturated. I mean, if that's your only, either you would read or listen to the president's radio show once or again, there was nothing else to do.

Well, that's true. That's what I'm saying. The evolution of that is going to be YouTube and your phone and just getting the information exactly what you want fed to you. Instead of reading a whole book of shit that you really don't need, it's like, I need to know how to tie a fucking knot to do this. What what I'm sending a knot book in 50 years is gonna be people like just covered in their own calm and gummy bears Having some like epileptic seizure from being over saturated like can you believe somebody used to watch an entire Netflix series? Just having a scream to them ejaculating Remember the movie Wally?

Yeah, it'll be that. I really, I'm telling you, they nailed that. Yeah, because I said that. I'm like, fat people. I mean, I'm halfway there. Just give me the chair. Right. I see that and I'm like, that seems kind of nice.

Yeah. Dude, what I saw that, I was just like, that looks great. Floating around, just eating. And what they didn't show is there's definitely a pocket pussy attachment to those chairs Yeah, I mean definitely shit on those. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's nice. Oh, yeah Imagine that if you didn't have to shit. Oh beautiful. Yes, just stomach was attached to something Yeah, look at it in like a fucking one of those bladders in a backpack Well, but the thing is we've we're already at the end of Wally.

We've already been there and we've been there since like the industrial revolution basically. I mean, that might be a little bit more comfortable, but those are essentially the lives that we live. Well, I mean, we don't have the technology yet, though. If we had that chair, if we had hovercrafts, if we could go, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? You're a day-to-day experience is closer to that than it is could go, you know what I mean? You're in the place you're having. Your day to day experience is closer to that than it is to like, you know,

or to your fucking form, yeah. No, I agree with you. I mean, it is closer to that. I mean, dude, I sit at home and I go, Alexa, what's the weather? Ababa, Alexa, how long to traffic? The, play Elvis. The, play it at five.

It's like, I'm sitting there like, what the fuck? That's the future. That's what they used to have in movies. That's why you got to move to the woods and start mailing bombs to universities and amateurs. That's right. That's right. That's not too far.

Don't take that out. All right. What do the reads? The laughable. Oh my God. I forgot to do all the shit in the front because you cock suck as a fucking so fun We still don't know anything about her husband. Yeah Let me do these really quick laughable.com. I use the app all the time Assurrectly because I want to hear people that want to be on this podcast and I go and I check them out and it's the best app out there if you're love podcasting. You guys just use laughable?

I think we're on there but I think I ignored emails from them because there's a lot of like those aggregate sites and I'm not familiar with what they do exactly. Well laughable is if you love podcasting you're going to need to use laughable. Download it's free. These guys put a lot of work into it. They do a lot of this stuff you get on there where you go to my podcast and you'll see StarVee and that will take you to come town. Every other podcast you did, they manually put that in there to make it easy for the user. It's unbelievable.

The spiral you can go down with one comic into another comic, into another podcast is unbelievable. You're gonna love it. So please go down to laughable.com. Comedy seller Vegas is open right now. Are you guys gonna go there? You wanna do a come town out there? Yeah, yeah, sure.

Yeah? I'd love to. Yeah, is the other guy do comedy too? Sort of, but he is from Vegas. No, he does comedy. Yeah, that doesn't love to. Yeah, I'm as the other guy do comedy till sort of but he is from Vegas. No, he does. Yeah, he does. He's from it. He's from water. So yeah, but the he's Jewish. Yeah.

That's a Jewish. That's a lot of that. Well, that's a lot of the location. Well, he's also a bug. So he's a what? A bug. It's a very stupid inside. Oh, from the park.

You call them a bug for no reason. reason one time. Here's here's the thing I just want to acknowledge what Mike just did. He wanted to let you guys know He's fans of your podcast and if you're hiring Mike a bit boys Oh, really? I know this guy probably eight years. I've known it for a long time. I love motion Mike. Yeah, he was the first part Like I told the story go ahead don't talk on the book. Go ahead I told you dare he's my intern I go ahead

actually permission back I was on a power struggle body we started on top. Yeah, I don't know. I don't fucking know. I was like, what a guy in jail gets passed back and forth to cigarette. I don't fuck with dead eyes. Yeah.

I would have comedy celebration of Vegas is, I'm telling you, Sean Donnelly was there last week. Ian Edwards, Chris Christie D. Those are the other guy there. I forget his name. This week, where is Comedy Cell, right there? Comedy Cell is real. We get Jared Fried, Kathleen Dunbar, Dan Natteman, and Des Bishop. The shows are directly from the Comedy Cell.

They use an LA Comics, the best of the best. And it's exactly the same room here. They got it. They had a room there. They got it and recreated the comedy show, low ceilings, and they took the showcases and put them out there. It's the best show in Vegas. Everybody who's been to that show has said the same thing.

It's just like being in New York. It's just so. If you like coming to New York City and going to the comedy seller and you're in Vegas, go. See Wayne Newton, Bangalooker, and go to the Comedy Seller at the Rio right now. Go to thecomicellar.com. I want to thank Amick, this fucking AMOK hammocks. This guy from Norway sent me this unfucking, believable hammock.

It's a hammock you like flat in. It has an air bed in it. It's the, I love technology. I love engineering. And I love when a company will like take something that has been the same thing for years and then re-engineer it to make it fucking incredible. And this thing is incredible.

They sent me and the Bushcraft Party Boys, one of these, and I tested it out last night. I came home last night after my show at around 12. I went in my backyard and I crawled into this thing. I could have slept outside all night. Are you looking at your biceps? No. Oh, I was like, I'm like, I get it, but I get your

wrong camera. I don't know if everybody else is gonna get it. There's no emotion for human except his own arms. I mean, put the bomb down. I found myself looking at it too. I'm like, trying to plug it. Am I gonna bother you? Why are you sweating? What do you have a bono like yourself? If you camp at all, this is the way, I have a tent, it's great, but you're on the ground. This thing brings you up off the ground and you can lie flat and it's good for me because I'm three bills and I get to lie on my stomach in a hammock. I can't be like this. Go to their website.

I got the three point of the Dramar three point oh it comes with a top if it rains it has a bug net it's unbelievable. Also Dom sausages we're going to be I'm working it out with Dom sausages you can go to their website DomSausages.com these are the steak tips hell yeah right so fucking good. Stop you how fucking they're unbelievable. It's the is it one of the best things you're truly 100% is dude it's unbelievable people from Boston know I'm trying to get these in New York City it's my goal to get these all over the fuck your legacy it's my it really is I wouldn't be I don't give a fuck I'll take all the fat jokes in the world you've been talking

about stakedips literally since probably the day I met you. I think you brought it up at McGubby's joke house four years ago. And you didn't even know about it. And you were probably this guy, this fucking chubby dude, he's crazy. And then you came to the birthday party. Unbelievable.

And you were like, what the fuck? Yeah. I truly believe people come, comics, come to my barbecue over your four of the tips, not for me. Like when I ask him, he wanna, and they're like, not, oh yeah, stay tips, y'all be there. Where do they like burn in?

No, I know, I know, people say that, but no. I get offended when people call them perfect. I don't know, that's like, that's like, what is it? It's a Cadillac, what is it like a Buick? No, it's a fucking battle. It's like a Buick, if you did, never heard of a Cadillac. Have I had a Cad like a Buick if you did never heard of a cat I had a cat like some guy had literally never heard of a cat like yeah, what is that like a Buick? I'm like, yes, it's similar

It's been a Buick and then got the Kaggle is nothing like a Buick. This is way better than a fucking Buick It's a bad look and it visually like that But oh, when those power steering the seats are real fucking Corinthian leather When those powestere the seats are real fucking Corinthian leather Yeah, I just got that from Deadpool Damn a hack dirty act fucking punch my tooth out. I'll be a dad And they guys would steak tips are like He has been innocent question. I did lose it. That's what he did. You fucking abused your family. I'm gonna take it. I don't know him. He's got dead eyes.

I already took my intern. He's got my intern. He's got my intern. He's got my intern. He's got my intern. So we're gonna be giving away one pound bag of steak tips. I'm working it out now. So fans of this show, we're gonna have a contest every week.

That rules. And then you will get a one pound bag coupon shipped to you where you can get staked tips sent to you house for the summer. Domstaked tip, go there right now. Patreon.com.sash. Robert Kelly. Go, I mean, Jesus Christ, maybe you guys give me a go on your show once and maybe a fucking plug. I'll take your walk. This is coming on this week. Welcome. Yeah, anytime you want to come on. I've never been invited. First of all, I asked you very very. We don't really invite people. But yeah, people just come on the show.

We let anybody come on the show. We've had insane like fans. Some girl with autism that's flying to New York. Friends like reached out. They're like, could you please you're like exploiting our friend that I'm like she's doing what she wants Really you didn't say no, I let anybody who wants to come on the show. Oh, can you not compare me to I mean I'd rather have been honored to have you on Not hey, we let any fucking any have you all. Not hey, we let any fucking any ass. So we don't ask people, you know, I think I ask you though, by the way, very early on. I don't know. I would

fuck it. I did not last. What I said, you said, fucking good luck with your come podcast. I remember I asked you to be on this network and you're like, it's called come town. Fuck off. Yeah, we couldn't let you on this network. How are we going to get ahead for you? I mean, yeah, it was great. Yeah, thank you't let you on the snow work. How are we gonna get ahead for you? I mean, yeah, it was great. Yeah, thank you. But Lewis said the same thing to me too,

when he was, I remember, Hammer Fisting was on this network. And then we was trying to switch everything up and he wanted to use every, like all the video and stuff and we didn't have to really do it yet and we were trying to get people in and if he fucked it up and he had a guy that would come in and just push buttons and shit

and it was like, I can't and he's like, then we gotta go. Yeah, I gotta go and I was like, okay, I understand. He was like, what? He was like, I wish you would fight for me more. I go, I can't. But it was the best thing I ever did. It's like, do go, do you shit? Yeah, so me saying, thank you, Bob.

Fuck you, you would have never made 30,000. No, you're actually right. You would have been on here fucking doing an ad falafable and amic Yeah, but we'd have the hammocks that you know you love this hammock. It's the fucking best thing I I went in last night by myself. I was out there. I could have just slept out there all night This looks like more like an ad for Norway Norway fucking Norway. Yeah, I want to get my dicks by a huge like a six three blonde woman on that.

You said men, I would respect you. I would have with you. It's so funny to three. The three things I want to talk about today was suicide. And you're son's penis. No, that was a That's a mop That's a great name for a podcast take tips suicide and my son's Child I'll tell Don't write that down. I write it down We had Lisa Lampanelli. This is the one thing that sucks with cell phones. I think being at shows. Are you on her side?

What happened? I want to watch it again and make my decision after that. Because I've only watched it once and I need to see, I can't make, here's the thing with me and I will be honest, I don't have an opinion immediately. Certain guys do it, but trees would immediately have an opinion. I think Burmini, I need at least three days I'm the same way I know you mean. I'm all about snap judgments

Let's play it and then we're gonna go through and see those Lisa and Ellen was at a show and You know she looks she goes out and attacks the crowd, but she does it like in a dog Rickles type. Oh Dawn Rickles type away. Let's turn the volume down and get it ready to go. Is it ready? Okay, good. I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I I I Stop pause Jesus Christ. I wait. What was she on a light guy? She's yelling at everybody Yeah, well, there are so cuts and you can see that the cedar is mostly empty. Yeah She cares about no, don't go too far. Okay

You take it the whole video. Let's let's run packages. All right now I don't she not on the stage. She's not on the stage. Okay, so she's just roaming the crowd She's and she obviously doesn't give a shit enough about the show to not show up dressed like a fucking like Millhouse your Commenting on someone's attire. Yes, I'm not wearing a hoodie wrapped around my waist like it's 1993 I mean, that's a little mean, I mean, why not? She's from 1993. She's not a queen of mean.

This looks, yeah. I never know. Maybe she had to hoodie on and then go hot through all this toboggan and then tie it. It looks like it's her first day in the homeless shelter. All right, well, here's a problem for you. Well, okay, so, all right, so this guy apparently sets some shit to her and she talks to the crowd and says shit to the crowd and

Maybe he didn't like it. I we have to assume all this yeah, and he's like the funny But I think that was the guy went I'll give you a hundred bucks to shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah, yeah As a comic you have to go that was pretty good Just with that moment for a civilian to go. I'll give you a hundred bucks to shut the fuck up. Yeah, it's pretty funny. Yeah. Well That's the problem will also pull out the hundred dollar bill and give it to yes. Well, he gave it to us She threw it back. Yeah, which is stupid. I would have took it. Yeah, if a dude's gonna give me a hundred dollars and he says something like that Yeah, I'm gonna take it put in my pocket. Yeah, yeah, cuz I need that sure I don't have fucking come down money as As every comic says. You know, everybody

says that right? I do not know. They're all jealous. That's not me. Not you. No. No. A little bit. That's what I give Mike. I look at this too. comedian Lisa Lampin Ellie has meltdown after fan hands are a hundred dollars. It. Yeah. What are you doing? I'm thinking a little bit of assumption. Yeah. Well, it's like he had to be a fan. Yeah. He showed up.

How many fucking people paid? And that's not like at an improv. Well, you got to know. I don't know. When he taken her out of Bill's threatened Lisa Lamp and Ellie, I imagine that guy's pretty cool. I don't know. Okay, so.

I'm going to go see this bitch I hate. Yeah. I'm going for a hundred dollars to shut the fuck up. How would be if there's this plan walking in? I Want to see this bitch I hate yeah This is playing walking in he's a bad guy rules. I you should He should be on come down. Yeah, oh he would be sure I Hope I hope I hope comes out really good I hope you I hope I don't come to really get I would hope you kill me just to see that unfold That's so Bob Brown where I meet him in a holly Who's that cry? I got the pussycat. Basically I

Cuck people for their interns. That's the only sexual gratification to get to know. Yeah, that's the way it comes. Yeah. That fires my yeah, yeah, for sure. He just wants to know your sad. Fuckin' jerks off of the sod. He smelled it. All right. So go ahead. But she yells at the sound guy. But she's on the like. Yeah. She's kind of lost. All right. Go ahead.

I said it. I fucking made it to fucking moron. And you wanna think I mean any fucking help me to shut the fuck up. Every one of you, I am talking to this guy. I didn't need your help with any of my life. I don't need it now. So shut the fuck up and my beer. That was some personal stuff. That was some, that was deep. Yeah, that was not

This is also a star in 10 years As soon as you fucking stop doing comedy start making people cabinets Flip out I can't wait. These at Macgoobie's going I Didn't need any of you. I was comic of the year. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. 2008, look it up, you motherfuckers. I mean, she just revealed that this is not,

this is nothing to do with this crowd. There is not a single artist ever that's been able to survive presenting their audience ever. Yeah, but she will, I guarantee this is what it is. Maybe financially, but I mean, she's a fucking laughing stock. This is embarrassing. It's embarrassing for a comic.

It's embarrassing for a regular person. It's a human person. Yeah, that's been me. Anybody having this kind of meltdown, it's like a pig-ish, obnoxious fucking behavior. Yeah. I mean, how much of a fucking narcissist do you have to be? I don't care what's happening at the show.

Maybe just leave, walk away, don't finish the rest of the set, but discrepancy people and say, I don't owe you anything, or I don't need any of you. Yes, you do. They came out there to see you. But this is the worst part about the video, though, for her. Is that fucking empty mezzanine? Yeah, that's tough. That's a solid, and looks like a high school gymnasium.

So, there's two people up there. Yeah. It's one deal with his legs open and shorts And then there's like two lesbians just hanging out in the front. Where is that even? I don't know, but that's like a fucking that that's like it looks like a high school. He really does Is it San Jose? I could play the rest She has a thing too I think there's a little Well, why would you say that little Stevie mix is retarded? Yeah, yeah, I mean she came all the way up. Yeah, and she's coming to point out.

Yeah, the point out are mental disillusion. I mean, but if I said that, it's actually. It's really, really. Vix is retarded. Yeah, she's a lot of stars. Yeah. Her name is Fleetwood Macaroni and she's. Yeah.

It's easy. Mac. Yeah. Yeah. It was easy back. Yeah. Yeah. Ah. I keep hitting fucking Becky's camera. Are you happily married? Anyways, we, yeah.

She's really losing her fucking mind. But think about this. The hypocrisy of this is that if I said this. Made by the way, Bob. Yeah. Nice hypocrisy of this is that if I said this. Nade, by the way, Bob. Yeah, nice hypocrisy. I started a little bit. It's shotguns, got to me. He looks at you like, what did you say?

That's the wrong word. I did not compute that. Okay. I don't like that. I'm sitting next to a morbidly obese toothless man and my appearance has been gone. For whatever reason. That's how we know what your eyes are.

Yeah. You know the reason. I'm not relating to you at all. I'll just arrange everything here. Yeah. Good things and more. No, I'm not saying anything. There we go.

Yeah. Go to your happy place there. Everything by size. You guys have any chords that need to be. Sure. We can put away. Twist this back on that. Be okay now. Any DVDs you need alphabetized?

I needed that to somebody once. I was on a carpet sample. You jumped through in my texture. I was on a tour in Canada and my phone, my whole phone, I look out, a million apps and they were all fucked up and this person at OCD and they looked at my phone and they were like, why don't you clean that? And I was like, I go, you she clean it and they were two and a half hours. Are you kidding?

But they put them in all little boxes and like inside the box and put the name of these all these my Whole phone over a thousand apps and they organized the whole thing. Then I got a then I undid it all Because I got a new phone and I had it by all the Thousand apps on your phone. Yeah, I'm bad I have one I have got like the bare color match app on my phone and I left it on there too long It was driving me insane. I can't deal with like just an Apple letter. I have one I had got like the bear color match app on my phone and I left it on there too long it was driving me insane I can't deal with like just an apple I'm using I have

Yeah, look at this dude look Jesus fuck you say to me the ideal situation would be to only have the apple apps on my phone Yeah, I have a lot of because all these apps at one point have I've done something with and I love apps I love the technology of it. I love getting an app and fucking with it and just see what it does But anyways, yeah, this this is pretty crazy I've been here because look when you're on the road This when you're young and you're oh hotels are great traveling is good you with your friend This is so much fun. They get to point where you're like, oh, this is a job

And thank you so much for all that this is great awesome and then you get to the point where you're like This is fucking killing me and you're insecure and you're fucking tired and you feel like you're old and you're fucked up And you do this shit You don't think that she walks out there and sees that fucking mezzanine a little empty when it was full a couple years ago maybe or you know and she's going out there and she's a different person now. She's lost a lot of weight. She's done a lot of therapy. Her show probably isn't what it was when she could just go look at your face. She's spiky. You know, fag and all that. She's probably doing a little different shit now and she goes out there and somebody says something to her and you don't not handle it.

I mean, I, not this, I've never done this. There's the difference. I've had people talk at my show and I'm like, I fucking lost. But you said you've never done this, which is like the only thing that matters is because to have that impulse, where I mean, to do this is like fine maybe to

actually go out in the audience and yell at the light guy and blame all these fucking people for a situation you should be grateful for. She's also yelling at people but I mean but you give me she's yelling at you. Young people that are so trying to support you. I'd be like it's alright we love you that's who she's yelling at. Yeah people it's just like kick the guy out and keep the fucking show going. That's all you need to do. But then she turns on the people that are trying to help her.

It's weird. It's a weird amount of projection. Let's keep going. One more fucking sentiment. For anyone who isn't me and the person I'm talking to and you can get the fuck out. Stop brutal. I think the TMZ logo has never been more, I mean better used than to go get the fuck out.

I mean it was made for that video. But she had a rebuttal, she actually said what happened if you can find that on TMZ and we'll give you a minute. I don't think we should deserve to justify her behavior. Really? Why? I think we should just go with this context. Just out of context.

Yep. There's no, we don't need to do it. Outside of the story. Why? It's probably cut, very fairly to her, the way they put it together. Mike right now is losing his mind with Becky, because he's looking, he's's like just go to TMZ

Just go to TMZ calm and I'll be out there Lisa Lampin always apology Under videos just And then scroll down you'll see You'll see just a grow down just keep going Scrow just keep going You'll see it. I'll see at least 11. I don't know No, it does just keep going now Just keep going right there. Yeah, see what says the videos

Seriously is a limit on the emerald and then scroll down again Scroll scroll scroll Right there you see it. There you go. This is becoming ASMR channel. Mm-hmm. Let's eat it. Now don't put that up.

We don't want to hear that. Yeah, I'm using it. Oh, this is this guy subway got to replace Jared. That's the man they chose. Holy fuck! Are you kidding? No way. I think you're doing a joke.

No, that's incredible. They're like, what if we go even more pedophile? I don't know. No one's expecting that. That's true. Lean into it. How about, yeah, it opens up. Man, raping a six-year-old.

Boom. The chicken selects. No, it's awful. Yeah, I'm 100% using ranch dressing. But the guy gets a little on his mouth. So he has a third grader come and lick it off. And then he gets arrested right at the end of the conversation. Here's what was going on is because I am a real hot button against people who say I'm having a conversation with say a guy on the other woman on

the other end of the crowd. So basically this guy was totally on the left and I was conversing with somebody on the right. And this guy yelled something to get my attention and totally interrupted the flow with the person I was talking to, which I hate because that person paid too. So I said, wait, wait, wait, let me get back to this guy. And so I ran over there because it really annoys me when people come me off when I'm trying to have a totally civilly conversation. I hit men applause and also I hit 56 years old and I said really I got a pull up I got a pull up with some guy yelling at me and honestly I noticed too and this is I never went with the sexist thing but I got to tell you now it is more positive positive positive positive now she making it about. Now she's grabbing onto the fucking, it's a guy, it's a woman bashing.

It's just an asshole who wants to fucking attention to the comment. Yeah, you're an understanding. First of all, you opened it up to the fucking audience. You start talking to people and you're surprised that some guys also talking to you. That's fucking it. I really agree with you. It's like, you know what how the fuck did You're the most alpha person in the room. Yeah, yeah, you got a bunch of men and women

Fucking Liz Liz. Come on in Liz. Hey Liz, you know, you got a bunch of men and women in there nobody what the fuck you You're screaming at people. I mean your act is fuck you and blah blah blah and Yeah, I know it's weird. I love you. It's bizarre. I hate that. It's fucking ridiculous. I mean, still going off on all the people that were supporting it was fucking weird.

Yeah, but going off on all the people that were supporting is terrible, but blaming it on menopause. Yeah. And then 56, there's a bunch of 56 year old comics that are you know People in the 50s late 50s and 60s that are doing fine But then to say man telling women to shut the fuck up. Yeah, it's like You know you scream. Yes. The whole group of people to shut the fuck up. Yes They some well it is like it's so weird where people think is acceptable

Comedy shows yesterday at the stand. It was a great fucking, you know, the last show or whatever. Some guy is like, I'm trying to be a comedian too. He was heckling me and I was like, I remember that trans man that got kicked out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what so fun. He had like this weird fucking, there was a trans hair.

I'm pretty sure it was a trans hair. I don't think he was. Oh no, there was a trans man that got kicked out. They threw up and they got kicked out. But this is clearly like week one on testosterone. Yeah. So this can't happen. So just like Yeah. So this is just their first time like I'm ready to fight people. It's like you're five three and you still have breasts. Oh, it was the girl going to the guy. Yes, to M. Yeah, yeah, yeah, F.D.M. That's a great podcast name. Yeah. Yeah. That's how there was a there was an F-DM at the comedy club.

Usually they're pretty chill. Yeah, no, she was a calming effect at testosterone that I think levels people. He. Sorry. Come on. Yeah. It's the other way. The baseball hats always help them out.

Yeah. Sure. I mean, they always help the transition. Nice. Indians hat helps a nice transition. You're they always help the transition. Nice Indians hat. It helps a nice transition. You're looking at the racist logo. You even look, you know, empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty.pty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Em.pty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty.pty. Empty. Em.pty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. just gonna go swimming. Somebody that's been able to be a giant man their entire life and they're like, no, I have periods.

And that's what I'm not expecting to lose it. Something weird is gonna have to be right. Which is fine and that's like normal, but just maybe expect that. Yeah. Well, it's funny to me that this seems to be everybody's, like you can just grab onto this hashtag me too, or women, it's like they don't

fucking make it about that it's about you lost your shit yeah you lost your shit at a show just own it I mean that's what we do if that's anything that comics do we own our shit right I mean how do you not just went to wow I'm gonna be a micro-richers was like they were yelling out and just I felt sexually assaulted you know I mean if you think about it, kind of what I did was just say, stop raping me. Yeah, I was, I was the crazy thing happened now. He had a shot at it.

Yeah. That would have been the most out of the box. This is get caught yelling the N worded audience members and be like,ed audience members and be like, I'm just standing with those women. Yeah. That's what I was just thinking about Rosemar Galen, the whole, the whole cheesed it. In this moment, I tried to channel her braver. Yeah.

Even Kathy Griffin's fucking losing her mind. It's like she went from one of the most honest comics, funny, just telling us her life shit and life on the dealist, just being not famous, and which was kind of cool, to being some fucking professional victim now. This is happening because of this. No, you fucked up, and you didn't take it well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I held up Obama's head as a joke, I would have been out of the business. Do you think she got more shit because she apologized and didn't own it? No, she got more shit because she apologized and then she unapologized. Yeah.

Right, right. That's what I mean. Yeah, just stick with it. Stick with it. It's fun. You think if she owned it and she was like,ized. Right, right. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, just stick with it. Stick with it. It's fun. Just say sorry. You think if she owned it and she was like, yeah, I did it. Thought it was funny.

I guess not. I'm sorry, you're upset by it, but this is what I do. Liz, by the way, welcome. Hi, I'm Liz. Hi, Liz. Hi, I love you. It's drop by. Liz is a drop by.

I'm a drop by. I got this figure, by the way. Oh, thank you. Whoa, what's that? That goes on the back of a phone. Oh, I love you. Thank you. So, wow, that goes on back.

But that one snaps open and it can stand your phone up. Oh, awesome. Oh, it's a little tricky. There's directions. There's directions. I'll read them. You should never apologize for any sort of like communal transgression, you know, anything that's like,

unless you hurt somebody specifically, and they're seeking an apology from you for a specific thing that you did to them You shouldn't apologize for it because it's not like a group of people can be offended in the same way So she shouldn't be apologized for what you know well, I mean it doesn't matter what the fuck she did if she walked out right now She did this into look I fucked up. I'm on menopause. I'm 56. I I'm in a mistake This guy really fucking pissed me off and I lost it. And now I shouldn't have. And I, that's the specific thing.

I'm talking about like in the grand scheme of like social issues or whatever, like the tit for tat bullshit where Kathy Griffin did the Obama thing. Because if you're being met with people and say, well, if the reverse happened, you know, they're using it to make some sort of like rhetorical point about who's right and who's wrong, you know, then you shouldn't apologize for those sorts of things.

She should have just said, she's just said, look, it was a joke. She's just gonna say that. But she said, what should she say though? She has to say something. Well, people get mad. You can't just hold up the press. You just say, you just say,

nothing you say that she doesn't work on me. I stand by what I did. Yeah, what Aari does. She just doesn't fucking apologize for anything. Yeah, you know what I mean? So Ari, in our lifetime, there's the guy we should look up to. Yeah. I know.

And literally only one thing. Yeah. No, but no, but not in one thing. In a lot of fact, I mean, Ari handles that shit. I do actually like what Ari does. I only do the same thing because she made fun of catcalling and then people were like, how could you say that? He's like, oh yeah, this thing you take seriously,

it's funny to me. Yeah. And then once you say that, it's like, well, they really don't have anything else left. Yeah. If you can't make somebody cower and apologize for this like, you know, group bloodlust that they have for extracting apologies out of celebrities,

then they have nothing else. Yeah. Because they really can't do anything. I think you're right. I think that this situation right here, as a comic, I mean, her snapping like that, like you said, we've all kind of been there, but doing it is another thing. But if you do do, I've snapped,

I've snapped on audience members and I regretted it. I fucked up. I have audience members, your openers, you know, people. Oh my God. Yeah, I don't get over it's fagging. Whoa, I wasn't talking about me. Brendan Saigel called me crying the other day. You know, I was looking for him.

Did we snap on him? No, I'm kidding. I was just trying to deflect. I was trying to learn from you. Yeah. The finance was in tears. Yeah. Oh, he's out fucking him.

Yeah. He was so good to me. He was able to fight again. Yeah. This is what a piece of shit, Stavius. I have to say this on the road. I'll never forget this nightmare. On the fucking road, right?

I take him on the road with me. Now I'm doing a tour. It is not a two-person tour. It is me going on tour. And Stavius baby goes, dude, I'm going the road with me. Now I'm doing a tour. It is not a two person tour. It is me going on tour. And the stop you baby goes, dude, I'm gonna go with you. I'm like, I can try to get you, he goes, I don't give a fuck. I just wanna do dates.

I just wanna, okay, I'll work it out. I'll work it out that it's me and you on tour. But we go on tour. And I think we're gonna be hanging and doing all this shit. And we do a little hang a lot, you know, don't. Your main objective, and, don't your main objective let and I don't I'm fine with it. Yes, but it did kind of your main objective was get plus. How?

Seriously? What's wrong with that? I'm a young I was a young buck in the prime of my life. I was a year ago. I was a problem. So you there has never been a prime of your life. So it's not been a period of you to be referred to as a problem. So there has never been a prime of your life. So has that been a period of time you've been referred to as a prime? Four years old, that was cute as shit. Well, you know what I mean? You're talking, you're talking meats. I'm a prime man.

He's been a prime, he was a baby. He's a prime cut of prime. I'm putting the sense that you're preemptively filled with gas. That kind of prime, maybe. Well, he just really made a smart joke? I did. It's about engines. So that's smart.

I don't even know what that is. It's prime. Prime and engine. The red head from Mythpusses would suck your car. You need a prime joke. All right, listen, but this is what happened. We did, we did a bunch of shows together and he tried to get put us a lot and it was fine.

I don't know. All right, I'm alone. That's why I don't know right. I'm alone that bar. I don't like Well, I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I with me why I don't know I want to learn to lie go ahead. Yeah, yeah, take mom if you try spend yeah I would love to see that you two assholes together in a fucking room You run out of your jokes in Yes, I have You would like to Robert okay, it's happening right now Yeah, yes, I have Okay, it's happening right now the people here this actually a reverse intervention Liz Been talking about your behavior at the seller Mike has a whole letter out

Listen I Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, say there you go. You bring some old and I apologize, but it's okay. I guess apologies Don't mean anything. Yes, my birthday. Yeah, we do a show in Chicago After the thing of course, he looks up with some check in the mean greed, right? Mm-hmm, and I were planning to stay thinner. Yeah, right? I was gonna do a steak. I fucked up. I'm sorry It was I'm buying I'm buying so like he's he said, hey, man, let me take you off a dinner tonight I'm going I he goes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm buying. He said, hey man, let me take you off a dinner tonight. I'm going. He goes, I'm going to go and he fucking leaves.

Right? And I'm going to stake restaurant with a guy. I don't even know. Yeah. Cindercrushman's guy. He didn't even know a stake. He was like a salad. So I'm sitting there watching this guy to salad on my birthday.

I thought I was going to be too chubby. He's eating fucking prime rib. I'm hanging out. this guy to salad on my birthday. I thought it was gonna be too chubby He's eating fucking prime room hanging out your friend, right? Yeah, I go back I know I'm sorry. I go back to the hotel room. I'm fucking sad and fucking lonely, you know Yeah, buy myself on the road for days my kid my wife nobody he's out trying to get fucking mediocre pussy Not even like an 11 it was like a four and a half you fucking mediocre pussy. Not even like an 11, it was like a four and a half. Yeah, I see. Yeah, I see.

She was a fucking Chicago sex. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, it's about your environment, Bob. Yeah. So I'm going to get you through those Midwestern winters. You know what I mean? We're all outside this standing room the other night and I guess some girl listening to the show came.

Yeah. And there's like seven people talking. Right, we're gonna leave. And stop in front of everybody. I'm standing there, loses there. I didn't do anything fucking ridiculous. He leaves over the girl and he goes, it was really nice to meet you. I didn't say it like that.

He did, and he keeps her hand on the show. Everyone saw it. Louis said turns to me and goes, it was really nice to meet you. And everyone bursts out laughing in his face. Yeah, it was very rude of my friends. Yeah. 100%. I didn't even watch him straight out. It was rude of you to pick up a chick at Bobby's meet and greet. I doubt it was your meet and greet. It was not my meet.

You were absolutely. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. And then you did him at dinner. His birthday dinner. I completely. Wait, it gets worse. It gets worse. It does get much worse. It gets so much worse So we're out the next day. It's brutal. I'm packed ready to go. I'm fucking sad miserable I would go we go to get in the car, right? This fucking knucklehead. Yeah. Oh, yeah This knucklehead left the keys to the red to car in the other night in the Inner pussy The color guy the call just

Just scotch tape They're like where's my nail file Put all the merch search and condom Tara toiletry kid is missing. Stop it. Where are my hoodies? Yeah. Put all the merch, search, and a condom. Just stop. Yeah. So who in the fucking parking lot? The keys in nowhere. He's literally going through everything twice,

but fake looking, because he knows. No, I thought it was real looking. I had no idea what was going on. He goes, man. Oh. Thank you. Yeah. One of the worst moments of my life. I had this idea what was going on he goes Yeah, one of the worst moments of my life. I had it. Thank you. Thank you. I had to go Starro starro snap out of it. I go it's not about you right now. It's about getting these fucking keys The guy had to drive back an hour

He's on his car. Yeah, Chicago Aaron had to drive back an hour. I had to get my scene out and then we got the keys Had a drive back an hour. I had to get my scene out and then we got the keys Yeah, we're with the keys. He left them in the guy who drove us to the gig that night He left him in the car. Oh my god trying to get push push. Well, that was just a completely unrelated Fuck up. It was just a double fuck up. Well, it's not a great knife. Well, if you're focusing Did you leave it? You know if you look up with it we know we we know seriously that's it all for me you know i gave it a shout no this is what did this happen this is a fun time

i don't know what triggered you bobby to make a few pocket no because you said that i'm abusing you we just did you and you proved it by embarrassing me and for everyone you see this yeah who's out the victim somehow he's the victim yeah how's that turn out you should should have been more considerate.

I should have been. I was a politician. I was a politician. I was a little bit worried about the entire term. I was pretty considerate. Most of it wasn't I, Bob? He's a sweetie.

I have one banner fuck up on your whole day. On two. Yeah, it was a horrible timing. And I feel very bad about it. And I apologize a lot. And I didn't think I'd be able to keep coming up, you know keep coming up you know two years afterwards but probably the rest of my life I'm realizing I've never lived this down and when you call when you call me an abuser how's that even the girl that gets hit probably said something all right

there we go great boy Bob yeah back to Lepanella yeah feminism is both fits more. I don't think feminism is all said. I just think you're fucking lost your mind. No, for sure. Yeah. You know, feminism is fucking real. And you're using it as an excuse which bugs me.

Yeah, and that's like using the hashtag me too thing as an excuse for something else. It's that bugs me because there are people who need that hashtag or you need to have that behind that full way to that behind them. And this is not one of those. I'm trying to cut the line at Chipotle. Yeah, you go, hey, I was raped. Did you just touch me? I was raped. Oh, sorry. We mean you're out of barbacoa. Barbacoa is fucking great. That's one thing on the menu. It's the best thing ever. Barbara, call it great name, too. How, she's me. I mean, the only thing that makes me forget, I just say that name. Oh, dude, I literally got through nothing

I wanted to talk about today. YouTube, fucking great. Everything I expected. Everything I expected. Are we friends now, Nick? Yeah, I thought we were friends. I don't know. I'm trying to just glean what you meant

out of the statements earlier, but I guess. The fucking lean. What do you, I get another big word. Hated me the whole time. I think I would go around telling people and I do like you. You know, I do like, you having to say that, it makes, I know that the conversation was like,

what the fuck is wrong with that autistic guy? You know, like, like you having to say that it makes I know that the conversation was like what the fuck is wrong with that autistic guy Are you on the spectrum a little? I don't know. I mean everybody is now It's you know what it's like a convenient excuse to just not really put the effort in in terms of meeting people emotionally when it's yeah Yeah, you're probably just an asshole consider it You know it's you know me and Liz know people in the spectrum. And they just, it's like I don't change, it's just the way I am. And it is, it isn't excuse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I sparse, I'm in therapy every fucking Tuesday talking about the same shit, my fucking

anger. And it's like that wasn't, I didn't have that, that was given to me. That was taught how to, you know, when I should have cried and expressed my emotions and been held and I was taught to keep him in and I was hit So what pushes out the other end is rage and fucking hatred So it's like I was put the last 30 years trying to get rid of that. Yeah, and it's still a cuz I can't pass it on to a little maxi No, even every beautiful. No, yeah, yeah, he actually got in trouble this week Yeah, what do you do? I'll just plan and he hit a girl on the nose with a pipe

Yeah, no pipes Yeah, he asked for a kiss. He said no See about that. They put his asked for a kiss. He said, no, man, I was like, we'll see about that. They put his hand on the shoulder, thank you. And I'm gonna see it by that. So we fucking whack her on the face of it. Come on son, let's watch more Lisa Lampin' now. Okay.

Well, caddy yells at me. Yeah. It's so funny too, because you have these opinions about people, and you can say, it none of it matters. The only thing that matters is what you really believe because it doesn't affect your career anymore. You know, back in the day around 30 years ago,

you would have to conform or be what you are and say this and say, that you can do whatever the fuck you want now and just live with the consequences. Yes and no. What, what changes? Look at Ari Shafir. Yeah, but Ari has already changed up.

But Ari's done a lot of shit independent from, I mean, Ari kind of, you know, Ari and Lewis are guys that I looked at like two, three years ago, they're like, okay, they do their own thing. Yeah, they do their Lewis, Jay, Jay. But you can't, you can't- There's more than just mainstream.

There's more, there's so many audiences. If you're a young comic- If you're a young comic- Now I'm trying to take the usual like Conan, fucking half hour, that route, maybe get like a development deal or whatever. I can't be going around saying fuck this person and fuck that person Or I don't you know like their comedy. It just won't happen But you still got to play the game. Yes, you can play the talentable

You probably more so than ever if you try to go that direct round But if you want to do that, but if you just want to do your thing you can you can but I mean there's a lot of comics It's try to like emulate what we've done and they can't do it. And it's like, that's not a dig on their talent. It's just, you know, right place, right time for us. I think you have, some of that is luck. Yeah, for sure. Oh, 99% of it is, 100%.

It was point nine. Perfect. Yeah. I think I had a point nine. Yeah. That's not to get that other nine. That's fine. Mike, you know what, don't put Bobby, forget it.

He's not on come time anymore. He's not on come time anymore. First of all, not your intern. Second of all, he has a say too. Yeah. No, I think it is luck, but it also. Are you writing in cursive? Are you gonna change that?

Nobody works for me, he is writing in cursive. I think that you guys, like people always, well they do it, they do get mad at you guys. Not mad, but I would think a small form of jealousy or like how do you do it? And it's like, if they could do it, why can't I do it? I say you can't. I say you can't.

It's what they did at that time with those guys and how they do it with that audience. With Chappo at the same time, we both started our patrons around the same time. I had had like, like, not a, not a, yeah, I had a pretty significant Twitter following prior. And you're writing on it. And you're writing on it.

And you're writing on it to convert those guys to a podcast audience and it is being like a stand up comic with some sort of mainstream success. Yeah. Because I mean, I had like a demonst up comic with some sort of mainstream success. Yeah. Because I mean, I had like a demonstrable, these are people that listen to the things I say and consume the things that I do. Yeah. You know, I may not have a TV creator.

You were writing, though, too. Yeah. I've been following on thought. Plus you guys, I mean, look, I think you guys are, I don't know the third guy, but I know you two are fucking hilarious. Nice. The other guy's not funny. Yeah.

He's okay. I don't know. I mean, he's a... He's a... He's a... He's a... He's a... He's one of the most likable human beings and hilarious human beings. I fucking met as far as...

I feel like I have the ability to pick young talent. Like, the guys I like usually wind up being the next mother fuckers. But when I worked with you on the show, I was like, this guy's funny. You know, this guy's a funny motherfucker. And I knew you were funny. And it's like, beyond the timing of all that, you guys are hilarious, and you don't give an inch, and you just say what the fuck you wanna say,

and you do your thing, and that paid off, which I love, I think that's great. Yeah, that's Bob, thanks. Thanks, Bob. Yeah, we gotta keep that. So can I get back on? Yeah, you great. Yeah, that's Bob. Thanks, thanks. Oh, yeah, we got lucky. So can I get back on? Yeah, you got my, put it back on. My back on.

Oh, you can't talk to me. I love that Mike just pointed at you too. I only listen to Nick. Yeah, Bob. I already forgot that I had revoked the invitation. Yeah. I listen, man, you guys are fucking great. Come town, like you need any help.

My fans probably already are fucking fans of yours. If you're not, you got gotta go sign up right now. Compton, it's at whatsthebtatreon.com, right? You're a patron of Compton. Just listen to it. Just do a Compton. I tune. I tune.

Listen to the podcast. Hilarious guys, I mean, I love Stavros Halkeyis. I think me and Nika, we're pretty good friends now. We're best friends Yeah, if you're a racist we feel bad so please pay more that's what the Nazi You get the same stuff, but yeah, but we just feel bad about it I guarantee you have way more of those people than you expected there's lot of people. Yeah, it's a couple hundred people pay that. Not see prices.

There's only like about 7,500 subscribers to the premium stuff. It's not a lot of people, but that shit adds up. Yeah, it does. And if you want to show that you can have on at work, go to a mic. This isn't. No, no, the fact of, come town though, is it is I remember we would our first name for ride cast was glory home network Mm-hmm, and I remember being on Fox News and they were like you can catch him on the glue. We can't say that

Yeah, I wouldn't say the name of my show at any part of it when I would do red eye you can't they would say you can't say any of that Yeah, you can't use it. Yeah, that's what I meant to you and you like this show has war criminals on every I can't say come down I'm sitting here with a guy who's responsible for the deaths of 600,000 I can't say content. Yeah, but he's got a great mustache. Yeah Are you do too? Yeah Not those any wrong guys as long as you're legal. Yeah. Go to Comtown. Sorry Mike. It's about your relatives. Go to patreon.com.stash.com

town and go see these guys. Number one, go see them live. Go see them do stand up. Because if you think they're podcasts is funny, the stand up is fucking great. I'm the plug day. Chip. We're gonna plug days. We're gonna plug. Nick, what do you got first August 12th, we're at Auto Bar. That's probably the most. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that one. Yeah, I might be a carolized next month, but I can't I don't know if that's locked in. Do you guys want to come down? When's it? When's it? When's it? Right? Yeah. When's it? You want to come down next?

Wednesday and do spots? Next week. next Wednesday at the pussy count on my show Oh, yeah sure. Yeah, of course next Wednesday. I'm gonna do Nick and Stavvy next week. Yeah 20 Mike you can come down to I'm still not looking at Looking back he when I talked to you because he I fucking threw me down the roof and Nick So next week Wednesday you guys will be the pussy cat with't with me. 830, right? Yeah, 830. 830.

Great. That would be a great night. Yeah. All right. What do you got, Stavvy? So this is all you ready? Are you at, I'm at, I'm in Rhode Island, Diego's Cantina, I think, at the middle town Rhode Island on the 22nd.

You got to stop by the pizza place. Maybe I will. It sounds like there's good Mexican food at the Cantina. Yeah, Diego's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I, if you're in Seattle in Portland on Thursday, the 26th, I'm at Laf's Comedy Club. I was laughing at the club.

You play the fun house. Yeah, fun house lounge. I'm gonna be a Chuckie cheese in the club. In the back. Yeah, I'm part of the animatronic band. I'm playing drums. The band. Chuckie cheese in between.

I'll be doing jokes Somebody got honing mustard So yeah, please come out of the trunk Zoppeca snuck his way into the chucky geez been eating all the mozzarella sticks But yeah, that's it those three dates. Please come out to see me Rhode Island Seattle and Portland guys that photos funny It's the funniest thing I've ever looked like a lesbian comic You do I know I'm I got I'm giving you I'm getting you

Photos like yeah That's you're saying but the breakfast there. There's no way that's not your Great job. Thank you. Please has to follow Stavya on Instagram. Thank you so much. Please Instagram. Thank you to we didn't even talk about that. Ever. You got bomb the first one. Yeah, but we're back. You know how many people have turned on to that account. It's not funny. I love that. Stavya baby. So what is that Instagram? That looks like the old studio. My God. Yeah, Stubby baby, too. Yes. It's Thank you. It's the best thing on Instagram. It gives me life. It really does. Oh go back. Oh, go back. Oh,

Back is that you? Bubola. Yeah, it's me. It's a little kid. Yeah, no one knew. Look at me. Yeah, that's the problem. I love everybody knew Everybody knew his doctor was like you got to stop feeding your son butter Eating sticks of butter snack. Yeah, he's wearing a man's tie. Yeah, that's not that's not gogard. It's butter Just heavy cream Consequences You keep feeding this boy like a slaughter pig.

I'm not. Have you noticed how thick his pee is? And it smells like... He's triple like custard. I don't know. He's putting on his dick like saucer. He's twirling it into a cone. Oh, God.

Stopbybaby.com, man. Yes. This twirling into a cone Stopbybaby.com man. Yes All right, what do you got Michael? I'll be headlining the in Providence, Antonio the last week of August. That's that's the big one Gonna be with us. Yes, I'll be with you guys next week. Are you here, right? Yeah, I'll have a couple spots at the lantern and then I'll be here. Yeah, he does. What do you got? Oh, come to the stand tonight. Oh, what's up with the sea? Turn your volume. She's very soft. Come to the stand tonight. Last Rose Masters at the stand and before they move. The stand is moving. Anybody doesn't know that. They had their last show last night. I wish I could have made it down, but I was good too. So make sure you go down and check out

the stand tonight. Rose Masters. Last one. you go down and check out the Stantonet, Rostmasters, last one. They're gonna be out of commission for a few months and they're recut locating into a bigger, better place. Yeah, it's a huge venue. Huge venue. Nice. Few blocks up.

And, you know. Right by Union Square. Yeah, usually when a restaurant or some type of club relocates to a bigger venue, you know, the chances of it making it a very slim, but we're hoping that, no I'm kidding. I'm like, where's it going? Where's the positive turn?

No. We're hoping. Here at the Comedy Cell, we're hoping. It's actually a voodoo dollar. I'm scared. It's a Christmas. You want to see me? No, man, they're going to kick it.

Bigger venue, bigger place, bigger better. Those guys know how to do it. It's going to rock. It's going to fucking rock. So God bless them. Good luck to them and Patrick and Chris and all those guys over there. I want you to go where the fuck is my date? I'm at this week.

If you listen to live, I'm in Vermont. Oh, fun club. Oh, remember Vermont? I'm at this week if you listen and live I'm in Vermont. Oh, a fun club. Oh, remember Vermont? Yeah, you fucked a red head by a cannon. Fuck another day. We're in fucking Vermont. It was just having a good time. This clock, second.

We were having a great time. A finger fuck at a fat chick by a cannon. Because we were sharing a room. I couldn't bring her back to our room. Well, you could have fled a little bit. Lensherus behavior. Why does that bother you? I don't understand. Maybe my heart I'm puritanical. Do you have a girlfriend? Yeah. Oh you do? How long? We don't

fuck though. I'm against that. What? Yeah. What? What? I'm kidding. Oh, you fucking non-blinking eyes. I should play poker. All right, go up. Go Vermont Comedy Club. Then I'm at the pussycat. These guys gonna be there next week. Then I'm at the laughing skull. Very excited about that. I've only played there one time.

I'm back in Atlanta, joint at the laughing skull. I'm excited about that. And Cap City, the week after that, which is gonna be awesome. And then I got this white wolf. We're doing another bushcraft party boys. I have a video going up on my premium channel tonight for all you premium members. Go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly and become a member of my premium. I would love to

you know be even a quarter of what comes out to be. But if that- Have we believe in you, Bob? Ah-ha. It's really cute what you're doing. You know? What? This is stricling with that fucking thing. If you already subscribed to Compton, you subscribed to his Patreon. It does batch processing, soonly get one charge a month. Oh, really?

Yeah, you only get, there's no service fees or additional thing it's because it's all just done batch process as a patron. You could have said that. I didn't know he's a fucking no one. I don't know. I'm just like. I'm going to laugh. If you ever picked it up he's the fucking guy. Yeah, he's talent. That's what I learned to be on the road with a bomb guy. He's just he wants to be talent the road with a homo guy and he's just tall He wants to be talented. I only got into this to fire people. Yeah Can you hire me? To

Hi you guys Zach, what do you got? Liz All right, you guys Zach. What do you got Zach? Then you get I'm making every week Liz. What's going on? Comedy selling Vegas. How was it this week? A tell and Jeff's came in two nights. They did 40 minutes on each show. It was great. And we're doing a we're doing a big guest coming soon. Yeah, we got a big get. Yeah, I know. Comedy selling Vegas. She's got a big get. Awesome. Yeah. So look out for that. You can't. I got a big get. Yeah, I know. Comedy Sella Vegas just got a big get. Awesome.

Yeah. I'm going to wait. I'm going to wait. We'll say it next week. All right. We'll see. But it's a big get. Comedy Sella Vegas.

Where do they go? Comedy Sella.com. Yes. And you can get all the tickets. And what's the code? If you want $25 tickets for any of the shows, CC social, and it gets you $25 tickets for. What? Yes, for all the shows. And then this week really, it was a way that would interest me.

I was like, Desbishop and docking with Jared. I'm pulling the foreskin over, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would make me happy. Yeah. One's Jewish, one has a fucking Irish uncircumcised dick. It would work perfectly. He's only got one nut, too.

Who? Desbishop. Really? Yeah. Is he on Compton? No. No, because you always have one that. Yeah. Two nuts.

You need two nuts for your come town. You gotta come. Fuck, I don't. Mine not say huge. I love my nuts. I do. I'm very proud of my nuts. Not proud of my dig.

Yeah. But if you're into nuts, I'm your guy. Yeah. I got fucking dog balls. So you used to call me a jail. Dog Ball Kelly. You guys are the best fans in the world. I want to thank all you guys, Becky, Mike, Zach, Compton boys.

Thank you so much for coming on. I really, I'm gonna talk. Fucking hilarious, Liz. Thanks for being fun. We'll see you guys next week. You know what, Dad? Hey, what's up? Happy Fathers Day, everybody.

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Yeah, you can mail it to 117 McDougal Street, the attention YKWD, New York New York, 1-012. All right, and if you want to be here in studio with us, email us at YKWDd producer at riotcats.com Follow us on Instagram at ykwdude podcast don't follow the old ones those aren't gonna be activated anymore follow this one See what's going on follow me at Mike Beach, poras follow Gabby at Gabby is Brian and follow Becky He has amazing photography at human places. There's a free in there, Zach will put it on the screen. Thanks for showing up, guys. [♪ music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in Shitty jobs, shitty jobs, shitty jobs. Check out riotcats.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet.

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