Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Suicide Malt
Episode Date: May 30, 2016This Week on YKWD: We have Luis J Gomez, Tom Cassidy, Damien Lemon, and Peggy O' Leary! Bobby has a prominent bump on his head. We task Scopo with ordering malts, and Peggy with putting on a strap-on.... All while talking about depression and suicide. Watch / Listen and enjoy! RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar.
A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa.
Hay que ponerse modo de racón.
¿Eres un dragón?
Soy el dragón de Fireball.
Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball.
Bien, frío.
Yo, pues al lío.
Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica.
Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball.
Disfruta de un consumo responsable.
33 grados.
¿Yoros escuchar a Robert Kelly?
¿Y qué es, dude?
En la network riotcast.com.
¡Valcán!
¡A la fuertes podcast de la plana de burro!
¡Es una costa!
¡A podcast no es un río! ¿Qué es mi gas? to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a cost-defying. This podcast has no rules.
Look at the mic asshole.
I'm sure I've already said, should I regret it?
Can I get a mic?
No! What the fuck?
That was trying to keep it like a comic-can.
I have a bunch of guys on.
It's just us sitting down,
and he happens.
Sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's
10 no topics, no directions.
I love doing it.
Play both sides of the coin.
That's not what the host is.
Not what the fuck.
I don't want to do anything.
My podcast is popular enough.
I might affect somebody's life.
You never know.
It's Robert Kelly, so you know what do podcasts?
Unwightedcast.com. I made it laugh dude, it lows through the stick up in the air.
Pantamine, fucking stick grab.
Alright, we're back, everybody.
My name is Robert Kelly.
You're looking at me right now on the,
what is this?
Can we put the logo up this bright screen behind me?
Can we get rid of that?
Yeah, give me that right there.
You got it?
Can you do two things at once?
Yeah, you can't.
Because you're fucking Lauren.
You're not Scopo, who'd go,
what's up?
Are you told me to, you told me,
everything is you told me or but.
Yeah.
Well, it's got a big butt.
He doesn't have a big butt. And wide hips's got a big butt. He doesn't have a big butt and wide hips. He has
wide hips. He is a better figure than me. He looks more like a woman than I do. He
doesn't look like he looks like a woman that just became a man like a month ago. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Like just just transitioned. He was going to get a slice of pizza last night.
Yeah. And I was like you really think you need that dude I have a falapel in my head and he smacked it
out of my hand. Scopo pulled the fucking smack out of the hand move. Wow he's
getting I'm telling you anything last weekend when I took him to Arlington
Virginia the draft house I told him I was petrified I was because it was
supposed to be Scopo and Stavros which I'm okay with because I can switch him and if you know
I'm petrified I go dude you better not fucking bury me you got to do 20 minutes in front of me
I'm like please don't he's like I got it. I get that makes me nervous confident fucking opener
You should have seen nothing like the fucking Tom Cassidy's falafel buddy this fuck
Fucking kill it you didn't kill it, but he you know he did great
He got one last thing killed it. No, I'm not even Kenya. He fucking did great. He's doing good now
He's doing great. Who fucking helped them? What happened put a rattlesnake? Why do you know I gave him all of his confidence?
Really I put him on a podcast. He doesn't have to fucking
intern and carry boxes and drive me around. I just said, hey, scopo come in. Be on my podcast. Okay.
Come out, do some gigs. Open up for me a bunch. Is this where you turn on me now? Yeah, I'm taking over. We can't take it over what?
Take it over your fucking life, bitch.
Are you stealing? I'm stealing everything. You know that you can take it. Lauren. Oh, man.
I would have a different Lauren. Lauren. Edged you to everybody, please. All right, too. My right. We have Peg you're gonna take Lauren. Oh, man Lauren edge you do it everybody please
Right we have Peggy O'Leary. Hello. Can you do it like?
Better okay get a little ump. Yeah, put a little
Some cool swallowing jizz
No, that gives you confidence. Yeah, I wish
Don't give me I wish learn you're so fucking hot you. Yeah. I wish. Yeah. You're the thing that don't give me, I wish.
Lauren, you're so fucking hot.
You can literally suck off any guy you encounter in a second.
Okay.
So don't say I wish.
This isn't a thing I wanted.
That's a weird, I wish I could swallow come.
Everybody fucking you.
No, it's not.
That's, it's, oh, sorry.
It's easy.
Can I say that?
Yeah.
Well, we have the beautiful funny Peggy O'Leary. To my right. Peggy O'Leary. I have.? Well, we have the beautiful, funny Peggyle,
Larry, to my right.
Peggyle, Larry.
I am.
Shut up, Louis.
What?
And then we have the regular, Louis J. Gomez,
the rattlesnake.
Puerto Rican rattlesnake.
Puerto Rican, no.
Oh, Jesus.
And we have the funny Tom Cassidy here for the first time.
Second time.
Thank you. Thank you to be here.
Thank you, Kevin.
He's really round ball.
That is Damian Lemon.
He'll be here shortly.
OK.
And we have our D-Poo.
And we have the guests on the couch.
And we have Matt, our guest, for this third time.
She didn't do it any better, Bob.
You want to have a look?
She didn't do it any better.
Can we give her some sound effects or something to help her out?
Yeah, sure.
Go ahead.
That was a queef. All right, we're out.
All right, so I'm shutting this off.
Facebook Live, thank you for watching.
You want to watch a show right now live?
Where do they go, Deepo?
YouTube.com slash YKWD podcast slash live.
And make sure you subscribe, download the app,
and download, and so be a premium member.
Goodbye.
Bob, what happened to your head?
We're going to talk about that, Because I do want to talk about that.
Oh, because I can't stop staring at it.
I want to talk about my head after, okay?
But hang on one second.
First, I want to say, I have this whole thing.
I'm just gonna quickly go through this.
Give me that camera.
Right now, if you're a member,
we're gonna do this every week,
because a lot of people it's gonna take you guys.
We have thousands of listeners,
and a bunch of people signed up already.
But if you go download the new app on iTunes
or on whatever it is for Android,
if you have an Android or iPhone,
get the new Robert Kelly YKWD app, subscribe.
It's 199 a month, you get all the premium content
that we put up there.
We have a brand new show coming up,
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The latest 10 are always free.
So if you really got a fuck you don't have to.
You still get to show finata, okay?
But after 10 weeks, the thing goes behind into the premium section.
So, and we're going to do all kinds of extra shit to all extra videos going up there.
So go right now, download the app, go to ridecast.com, go to our page, click on the premium button
and subscribe for the premium.
1.99 a month, you don't even know it's there.
It comes right out, go to the app app sign up. Get it on your phone.
The app is amazing and the app is free for both Android and iPhones. So go there right now. What's up?
If you want to hear the regular crew respond to the viral video by the Chamber Boys about our pocket. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. The allegations.
Those fucking queers from trying to come at us. us. We fucking showed him who they are.
Abby and what's your name?
Abby was Shuta and the gay kid,
the Indian kid and the ball guy.
Yeah, so that was just like.
Yeah, I think he's describing him all of us.
They really do.
It was a great episode.
It was a great episode.
We talked about the episode.
All right, so it was good too.
It was pretty solid.
They had pretty solid. They are pretty solid
This does a lot like the gas digital network plan
The what the gas digital network. Oh, you mean the one that I told him a year ago that he's copying now
Oh, are you fucking out of your mind you fucking cock sucker that I told you you piece of shit?
Are you fucking nuts? No listen? I'm not fighting with you today because I need you as a fucking ally because we have other
Topics so fuck you with your you're the original No, listen, I'm not fighting with you today because I need you as a fucking ally because we have other topics
So fuck you with your you're the original
You have a black guy in a chick. That's why racist and sexist chamber boys. You were right
About everything. Wow fucking here take that
All right, so anyways go to the premium download the app download and subscribe right now for premium
It's it's amazing all you guys who have done it already you're the best
All right, so let's get into this first of all Damien. Let me just showed up. It's amazing. All you guys who have done it already, you're the best. All right, so let's get into this. First of all, Damien, let me just show it up. What's going on, man? How you doing? Why are you late? What happened?
Oh, man, I got caught up. With what? Family barbecue.
You're a comic. You're nothing during the day.
I got caught up with poor time management. I fucked up.
What do you mean poor time management?
I thought management was terrible. I thought I had a little bit more time on my hands.
I'm my shirt. You had a shirt. You never didn't hire your shirt though.
I said not to go. Oh
I thought I did you know and then I had to catch a little slice of pizza because I was starving
So I just smashed that downstairs right on your your your your stoop right and I'm here
He was running late and then he said I'm just gonna eat a slice of pizza instead of coming out
I saw another man raising your son in the pizza. Yeah, it's true
No, he's not joking. It's true. Oh my god. He's what my kitty picked. I'm just gonna eat a slice of pizza instead of come out. I saw another man raising your son in a pizza shop. Yeah, it's true. No, he's not joking, it's true.
Oh my God.
Dave Smith, he's what my kid, he picked, I meant Dave.
I thought I saw B with some dude.
I thought if you would imagine that,
that's the way he broke the news to me right now,
he just saw B with some dude.
You see, holding up James and he's laughing and giggling.
Oh, that would make me so happy.
You know, just see B happy and James happy.
Just tickle and James, huh?
I like the new spot.
I haven't seen it since it's been with all of the...
Thank you.
That's right.
Yeah, okay, hats on crooked.
I thought I was having a stroke, man.
I don't know what this is.
You can do it this.
I'm going to do it.
All right, thanks.
I was getting dizzy looking at your fucking head.
Thank you.
It's a brand new studio.
I mean, you know, as opposed to the fucking Chamber boys who said that you're in such a little place go fuck yourselves
You haven't heard anything from them either. No, she apologized to me. She apologized
This is the funny part. She apologized to you in dance. Oh, well, we I really did go on the attack
Yeah, but you act like you didn't even see it Bob
That's why she's hoping maybe you didn't see it, but I mean me and my fans we really laid down the hair. I forgot about it
Here's the thing
She fucking didn't she should apologize to me
She didn't attack you then stop acting like you're above it. I show her that your feelings are hurt
I've never I've never heard you say feelings hurt ever.
My feelings weren't hurt.
I was pissed off.
Like I said, I don't care if you don't like me.
Go fuck yourself about that.
Who the fuck are you?
I don't give a shit.
But when they try to, when you're that fun,
you take a show and you don't even fucking,
you don't even know what the fuck you're talking about.
Can you explain what happened? Yeah, I don't know what happened. No, forget it. I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about. Can you explain what happened?
Yeah, I don't know what happened.
No, forget it, boss.
I don't want to get it.
Keep these guys out.
No, no, no.
I have to get the premium app to find one.
I don't have room.
I don't like you fucking passive-aggressive contentist today.
I don't like it.
You, me, right now.
How might be a passive-aggressive contentist?
I don't like when you just crazy, Lewis.
I don't like fucking alternative, Lewis.
First of all, you told me you don't like crazy, Lewis. You like, did I want you to come in and just fucking talk? I don't like fucking alternative Lewis. First of all, you told me you don't like crazy Lewis.
You like, did I want you to come in and just fucking talk?
I don't want you to fucking come in.
I never, I sun glasses on and silly fucking hat.
I don't want you to be a character.
You should come in with a fucking,
like you are a carotop with fucking props,
you're fucking idiot.
I like this Lewis.
You just told me you didn't like this Lewis.
No, I don't like, I don't like, you know what?
You are very difficult to please Bobby.
I don't like you, you're right.
You leave, please take off. And leave please Bobby. I don't like you. You're right
Leave that hat. I want to leave that. I want to put it behind me
We had a podcast this attack of this show me you know, they really attacking me. It's like your comedy The attack my stand-up said it. She said I was an awful stand a terrible stand-up
Another podcast attack your podcast. What do you mean another yeah another podcast?
Chamberlain boys, a podcast. What do you mean another, yeah, another podcast? Who's a Chamberlain boy? Is that a podcast? Chamberlain boy.
Chamberlain boy.
Is that an info podcast?
He's the bunch of fucking ass clowns.
I don't know who the fuck they are.
I'm not even, I'm not even mad at him.
I don't even give a fuck.
I really don't.
What a man at is they tried to, they made shit up.
They didn't do it.
If they did their homework and they were saying shit
that was real, I'd be like, okay, they just really don't like me and they did their homework and they were saying shit that was real Yeah, I'd be like okay
They just really don't like me and that's their opinion fuck off. They were making shit up on the fly
They said my shows homophobic which is not very much a faggot to be asked me
Mm-hmm like I mean Jesus Christ Lewis has sucked so much dick on the show, okay?
And that's what I got here.
And well, he sucked, I mean, me and Donald,
I mean, Dan, we're talking about that.
How great you sucked, Dick.
Yeah.
I mean, it's almost done, canny.
Like, there might be some new listeners listening
to clarify that I didn't actually suck a real dick.
No, you sucked my dick at a party.
You were fucking good.
You sucked a fake dick?
Yeah, he went in.
No, he sucked my dick when he wanted to open it in front of me.
300, 300 seed. He wanted to open for me at levity live and I was like, well, there's no way to do that. So he sucked my dick.
Yeah, you want those meatballs? No, we did a fake blowjob contest. Yeah, it was with him with him and Bailey J, who's, you know,
the friend of mine, but she's also a trench gendered. So Bobby put a dildo, which is somewhere around here,
somewhere, and he pulled it in his pants,
and I went first, and it wasn't that one.
And I mean, I really fucking gave him a good fucking go.
I mean, he put one of his legs up on a chair,
and grabbed his ass, I pulled his face toward me,
I spit on it.
Listen to me.
It was awesome.
I'm gonna tell you this,
because there's a certain way I like head.
There's a certain way, put your headphones on.
There's a certain way I like head. It doesn't matter You got to put your headphones on because you won't hear us and you're gonna
Fucking talk over there. We even know the headphone covers are gonna match your head
That's just fucking gone like he being cool, bro. He uh I
Like my dick sucked a certain way okay, and Lewis sucks my dick the way I like did you know how he liked it?
You just happened no, that's the connection that we have
Did you deep throat it a little bit okay? Yeah. He put the whole thing in his mouth. That's like a
Puerto Rico. But he knows how to fucking do the twist. The spit and then the
Well, they say that a man knows how to suck a dick better than one because you know what you like. It's not that you have your dick that you like your dick sucked a certain way. We all like our dick sucks that way. That's
Absolutely not true. Yeah. Some guys like a finger in the ball,
that's the absolute not true.
That's the only deviation.
You're out of your fucking mind.
I know guys who just like the top of their dick suck,
just a head.
What?
Just like the head.
I know guys who like, they can only get
when they have their nipples being played with,
do they like their, there's still just one way of sucking dick.
I like my dick sloppy sucked.
I don't like the gagging the, I hate that. You suck my dick sloppy sucked. I don't use the gagging.
I hate that.
You love that?
You sucked my dick sloppy suck.
Was there a lot of eye clashes?
That's my nickname for you.
Oh wait, but I do have a gag reflex.
I don't have a gag reflex, so that doesn't happen.
He doesn't need one.
I heard that there's a spray
that you could spray into the back youth,
or it's what it hurts the back youth.
It's called spray.
Spray is.
That is.
You sucked it all all in a completion.
What?
Can you put his heckles on her earlier?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
It was a deal now.
But it was the best part of it.
It was all, it was all.
I finished and I really put every effort into it.
It was 300 people in the room just cheering me on, screaming.
And then Billy J, the training porn star was up next.
And then as soon as I finished, he was like, you know what?
I tapped out you win.
That's awesome. But I wouldn't want to follow. She's a porn star. I'm not following some Puerto Rican from fucking up next and then as soon as I finish, I was like, you know what? I tap out you win.
But I wouldn't want to fall. She's a porn star.
I'm not following some Puerto Rican from fucking Niaq.
I don't want to I don't want to bomb after him.
He was he was the opener.
Yeah, he did.
He did a rabbit.
Fuck it.
Did it.
I told everyone to fill out the comment cards.
We turned yourself on.
I'm a fucking I was.
Norton was hard. I'm sure. I'm not fucking, I, Norton was hard.
I'm sure.
Probably before the whole shit started.
So anyways, fuck them, moving on.
We had the, they, but that's, that's the only reason why they bugged me.
She's just a fucking phony fraud, fuckface.
Does anybody know this chick?
Abby will shoot that.
I don't fucking know her.
She's a fucking fraud.
Is she a comic?
Yeah, she's supposedly a- Player stand up on the show. It's awful. We did it on Legion of Skanks the other night. We played it with Anthony and we just fucking fucking know her. She's a fucking comic. Yeah, she's supposedly player standup on the show. It's awful. We did it on
Legion of Skanks the other night. We played with Anthony and we just fucking trashed her. Yeah, you know what?
I don't because I here's a here's my deal. I'm not attention. Yeah, it's too much attention, but here's a thing not enough attention
I said we go to her house. I'm not an asshole there. She's a fucking asshole. She's a mean human being a piece of shit
And she has no empathy for anybody. I'm not, I'm done, I'm fucking done.
You fucking destroyed her, that's good, I'm out.
I'm done with her.
You're done headbutting your wall.
All right, so you wanna know what happened?
I wanna know what happened to your fucking head, dude.
It's not that, it's very,
He's having a worry.
It's his third eye.
He's like a fucking god that you can start a wood worship.
It's your already have it.
I am.
You were installing something?
Yes, I was installing something.
He was being a man.
I came home yesterday from fucking LA.
I have this new little room I have in the back, this little smoking shed
or whatever the fuck you call it and I'm installing a sailing fan and I fucking smash my head.
As I was going up the ladder and it was hanging, I smashed my fucking head on the fan.
That's it.
I was just installing a sailing fan with my wife.
Did it bleed a lot?
No, it didn't bleed a lot.
I quit after that.
You really want to know what your relationship's at.
Install a ceiling fan with your wife.
See how far you get.
Does it look like a fall?
If you get all the way to the end, you got a good relationship.
If you quit 15 minutes in and your head's bleeding,
yeah.
Is it from the spinning blade?
So was all the way installed?
Yeah, no, I installed it.
And then I just see, I want to see how fast the blades went so I stuck my head now you fuck.
I don't know I'm asking.
I don't know.
I wanted to adjust it and you walked into because I'm still a blade.
I know why you know that you know what because I'm not a moron Damien.
I'm not going to install.
So how did you get hit with a uninstalled sale affair and still get just as injured as if it was a store?
So you're not an idiot.
Listen, I was I just told you I had it hanging and I went up the
ladder and it bumped me in the head.
She run up the ladder. Didn't you hear me say that?
I would say that, but it just didn't sound as
you know, trust me. I'm not saying that in
trust you, but I thought it might have been
just sounds as equally dumb. Okay,
that too. You know, I'm good.
Hang on one second. Hang on one second.
That's not true. I'll explain to you. It would be dumber if this if I turn the fan, if I installed the say, hang on one second, hang on one second. That's not true. I'll understand you.
It would be dumber if I turned the fan,
if I installed the fan, turned it on
and then climbed a ladder near a spinning blade,
is dumber than installing it.
And then as you're going up,
kind of forgetting where it's there and he had a bite.
I don't know, I don't know.
I don't know, I would have to argue against that because maybe you would just go
because I feel like that shit, something hit hard. So you must have been going up that ladder
very fast. I don't believe any of the story. I don't think that's what happened.
I don't know, man. I think you're fucking trying to put your head under the cabinet to find
some cookies or something and just fucking scrape your face. You don't want to tell that
story to everybody.
This is a cookie accident.
Dude, I tried to head by the cake.
My fucking face hit the table.
No, I swear to god, I was just ceiling dead.
But I did have cookies last night.
Yeah, but then I didn't hurt myself.
That was your reward for hurting yourself.
But I went to LA.
The first night I'm there.
I went to I went to did Marin.
Uh, I was it.
It was pretty amazing man.
He was he was really a lot different than I thought it was going to be.
Yeah.
Did he have a ceiling fan?
He did not.
He has a very cool house old school.
Not to, you know, crazy show.
What's that? No, it's like the one that show. Inside is, not too crazy. What's that?
What's that known?
It's like the one in the show.
Inside is, but not outside.
I mean, the garage is cool.
But I've always been friends with Mark.
I've always liked Mark.
We've always had some weird connection, I think,
because we're the same type of crate.
No, he's older me.
But the craziness, our craziness is the same.
And I don't know.
I thought it was going to be, we just started talking in the garage,
and we were smoking stokes.
I brought a couple cigars and we smoked.
And then we talked and talked,
and then he just went, he put the button on.
And as we were talking,
so we just kind of went into this thing.
Oh, that's nice.
And it really got, you know, real deep.
Like it was, it was hard a couple of times, you know,
because we were talking about my childhood.
You're gonna cry? You gotta hold them back. Did you cry? You fucking where I didn't cry not at all
No, no, no, I didn't cry. But it was it was I actually it was fucking weird because I actually
Inside of the conversation found out a few things like a couple things started to make sense with me. Mm-hmm
Like I used to bang dawn.
This is why, come on guys, help me out here.
I'm not gonna help you.
I'm not gonna help you.
No, he actually said, you know, I've been kind of bummed out, you know, we shot the show.
This is a thing too.
Everybody, anytime you feel sad or depressed or fucked up,
people always go through where you're at in this business and then tell you have no right
to be fucked up. Like, you know, it's like, you're doing great. You're doing shows. You
would just start a TV show and, you know, you're family and you got a kid and a wife and,
oh, I'm sorry. So I have to, I have to fuck it. I'm sorry. I'll just wipe away all my feelings
and just walk around go yeah
I'm everything's great every your biggest problem is still your biggest problem
You know, maybe it's different than it was 20 years ago, but it's still fucking it's so ways that heavily on you, you know
Well, yeah, I mean I don't know what you mean, but yeah, I mean
I almost did. You're low.
I'm a low.
That was profound.
You're lowest, lowest, still you're lowest, low.
You know, like my lowest low was 19.
I was going to fucking rob a KFC.
I'm not there, but still I fucking deal with shit.
You still feel like that.
You just switched to a new time.
James, you want to go to dinner?
No.
No, I know what you see.
I know.
I know. I'm just bossing you balls.
Well, here's the thing, what I figured out is that I get depressed like last year it happened, too.
And I get depressed when you do a tour or do a TV show.
And it's very similar to when I was a kid, when I was in Juve Hall or rehab or foster homes,
or with my mom or the second dad on blah blah.
I would have these groups of people that were my family or my people that watched me for a while.
And then they'd leave. I would leave or they would leave and I'd be alone again.
And you know what I'm saying? Yeah.
And all of a sudden after the show, we do the show, we're on it, we're a team,
we're together for two and a half months almost three months and then it's over all right see you buy and you might never see them
again so it's the same ritual it's a it's exactly I don't want to say because
that sounds silly but yeah no it is and so it's like I'm bombed out good yeah
you got a show you did this yeah I know everything's fun
called sex and drugs and rock and roll, guys.
I just want to fill them in.
But everything's great, right?
You know what I'm saying?
But I'm still fucked up and sad.
And we were kind of going through my childhood.
And all of a sudden, we put some shit together.
And it was weird to figure it out on a fucking podcast.
Yeah.
I'm in garage with a hipster.
Go to put that, though. He's good, sometimes I feel like he's reaching too much.
I kill like, say something, he's projecting
onto the other comic and the comic's like,
I don't know, we're talking about it like that, but.
No, not with me.
But yeah, but he actually had a break through.
Well, we talked about a lot of childhood shit, man.
I mean, I, you know, it was, I didn't think we were gonna go
there, but we went there.
Let me ask you this stuff.
You go.
I'm sorry, why can't I be there?
I forgot.
Buddy, I'm trying to get the Chamber of Wars on my side.
It's a stop-off.
You were emo for my life.
That was strategic.
Yeah, this fucking podcast is deep.
Well, you, here's a thing.
You'll be there someday. Because you're, what, Marin? the thing, you'll be there someday.
Because you're,
What, Marin?
No, you'll never be a Marin.
But I'm never about to be at home.
There'll be a time, and you're slowly happening to you too.
I remember being, you fucking 27, my early 30s,
and not giving a fuck about, fuck, because you don't have to.
You know, you've changed since you had a kid,
and since your kid got older, you're still a fucking lunatic.
Yeah.
But you've mellowed out in a lot of ways
because you realize that shit, life's going by
and I'm not going that way, I'm going this way
and I got a kid and there's certain things I want to do
and I have to fucking not be such a fucking disaster
in all areas, right?
A little bit.
I think a lot.
No, you're right, I have. That's it sucks. That's the one thing
that really sucks is you have to you fucking end up caring about something else because we're all fucking.
You're gonna say it sucks that you have a kid. No, I love having a kid but with sucks, I know you say.
As you used to be completely and everyone in this room, especially comics, you're completely selfish.
You know, I do it. It's about my career. It's my fucking time. I got my website my social media fucking spots
That's all you can ever think of and then you got this little fucking kid over there looking at you
Like what about me? You're like I have to fucking feel for that thing. Yeah, I guess some people do some people are
The Bobby actually fell asleep
Ah! Ah!
Ah!
Sorry.
The Bobby actually fell asleep.
It's not outside.
You have to work it that way, is it like just to cool?
No, it's an instinct that clicks in.
It's an instinct.
I mean, for some people, I guess some people don't.
Some people don't give a fuck, you know, but I do.
Yeah.
Well, it's because, I think we do,
because we weren't given a fuck about.
Yeah.
I wasn't given a fuck about.
But usually it's a cycle, right?
No. I don't, I don't, I think it can go that way,
but I think because we're brought up so informed
about how to raise a child right now.
That's a weird thing with Facebook and everything.
It's like everybody is like on,
I didn't know, like my mom didn't know
to not put fucking process foods and TV dinners in my face.
She had no, she was poisoning me.
You know what I'm saying?
So now, it's actually, you are really irresponsible
if you don't fucking know to not give your kid a can of coke.
Yeah.
And I'm saying that's just literally your hand
and your kid poison.
And if you are not, if you don't know that,
it's because you do not give a fucking all.
You are completely discounted.
Yeah, like I saw this kid with a fucking thing of juice,
like just pure apple juice.
Yeah.
This big.
And he was addicted to it.
We're like, and he's started flipping out
because he didn't know where he's saying it's over.
And he's holding it two hands.
And it's like, you know,
I said drink like a two liter of coke in a night.
I would just go to the fridge and keep on fucking chugging it.
Oh, yeah.
My family is always like, you are so cute when you're
little.
You can eat like five sliced subit's at three. Why the cute when you're little, you can't like 5 slice of pizza.
Why the fuck did you give it?
3 year old 5 slice of pizza, that's your fault that I was morbidly obese but it's
14.
It's a pain.
It's hard though because it is funny.
It is pretty funny.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
It's money.
I love it.
I love it.
It's pizza baggy.
Peparuni Peggy. Pepparuni Peggy. Oh, that's so great.
I remember when I was a kid, I was telling Don I go, I can't believe, if I look back at
my childhood, before first grade, or maybe at first grade, or a little before, I was hanging
out with my five uncles.
We were hanging out. five uncles we were hang out
running trans on you. I know I know you're just gonna tell you're molested.
I'm like, I know there's a lot of fun.
They used to fucking come in, pami in the ass, one after the other.
They didn't even wait till I was in second grade.
Oh man, the fucking makes me sick even thinking about that.
They gave him coke too.
Half of that.
I tried coke and jizz.
No, but I would drink. I would drink beers all the time.
I would, they would, let me, we're five.
They would, let me open the beer.
And I got to take a sip.
So, well, he was 15 when he was in the first grade.
If there were, if there was, if there's 20,
if there's 20 people at the fucking party,
I was just, I was, I was, I was,
your uncle sounding like you,
it's like, there, take like dead taking beer daddy's drinking beer
It's better with a fine fold on dude
I
Think everyone was gonna jump in on a weird dude
Cuz you fucking amiss your setup guy and you don't know when enough is enough you fucking greedy cunt
You got it you got the joke boom, and then you stepped over,
and then you dragged him down to you, fuck.
All right, listen.
Tom Cassidy.
What I'm saying is, is that it was a fucking,
it was, I look back, I can't imagine
giving my kid beer now and having him drink.
And they wonder why I was fucked up.
It's like, you're giving me all this fucked up food.
You let me drink alcohol and party at fucking 5, 6, and 7. And then you give me, not give me all this fucked up food you let me drink alcohol and party at fucking five six and seven
And then you give me not give me an abusive
Faw stepfather and then you guys going what happened?
Fuck you what happened? Yeah, but you get my kid here. We are fucking no bullshit food
You know, we we put them through all this stuff. We don't swear from no one smokes little red wine
But that's it. We don't drink at all nothing. We don't do anything in front of them at all
So we're giving them a half a fucking shot
But don't expect more out of that like do you feel like we did we don't expect no because he his personality and his soul
Whoever the fuck is who he is? I don't know, but I'm giving him a shot. I'm not putting them behind the eight ball
Not your shots, right? You know what I'm saying? What'd you say? I say hang on a shot. I'm not putting him behind the eight ball. Not your shots.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
Hang on a second.
What did you say?
I said, not be your shots.
All right.
So you're giving him a shot?
You give that back to him.
What did you say?
I'm sorry.
What did you say?
No, do you think that's like other people?
I don't think everyone is involved like that.
I think you too.
You have a fucking rat.
What is the rash you have?
Oh, it's psoriasis.
But thank you for that. I thought it was poison ivy. I was like, you know, fuck it.
Because I had a baggie. I'm so sorry.
No, I said shitty Irish skin.
No, no.
I just...
I'm so sorry.
I thought it was poison ivy.
Pizza baggie is literally pizza baggie.
I thought it was poison ivy, because I had a really bad thing of poison ivy last year.
And I don't want you putting that on my microphone stand.
But gosh. No, you can't catch the rise I feel terrible. I'm terrible. I have quarters on cream
All right, I'll need your fucking hand down
My wife's father had psoriasis
God rest
I'm fucking old man. God rest his soul.
No, no, no, he is dead.
He died.
I don't know.
It's the worst thing to get.
It's the worst.
He had the shingles.
He was just a motherfucker.
It's a fucking, well, because I mean, it's like, yeah,
I got my depression on lock and then my skin started attacking me.
It's like, no, you're going to be a monster some way.
You know what, though?
You're also dressing like a jungle animal.
Go fuck yourself. Every time you see me, You're also dressing like a jungle animal.
Go fuck yourself.
Every time you see me,
Why do you fuck that?
I think she looks cute as shit.
Hers is wearing fucking jungle colors.
You're wearing a fucking shorts, like a weirdo.
What are your toes out?
Yeah, you're a weirdo.
I'm not wearing fur.
Who cares?
You guys both are going to a banjovy concept.
You're not.
You really do. You look like you'd be in a David Lee Roth video and he left Van Halen. It's fucking hot.
I'm not wearing jeans and socks right now.
It's too hot.
It's over 90 this hour dress.
All right.
Can you just take a hit and not have to explain it away after we give you a nice hot
one?
All right.
Just laugh and move on.
Every time you get smashed, you got to gotta go, hey man that's the way.
Shut the fuck up. And then he does the silent stare. Yeah, don't push the mic away either. Stop being so smart.
Right. I think you look adorable honey. Okay, I don't care either way. Why would you fuck you?
Why are you attacking Bob now? Why are you attacking me? Why don't you say no? You should say thank you.
Thank you. I'm looking adorable.
Why?
It's me, I should question.
I don't know.
I still got this question.
Oh, shit.
So you were going through, when you asked the question,
can you talk to the microphone now?
I'm talking to the microphone now.
I'm right in the mic.
There you go.
You have your headphones.
Can you hear yourself?
I can hear it.
Not really.
Pimmy was on FN.
How's that?
I can hear a little bit.
Yeah.
Is that better?
I can hear you now.
All right. What's that? It feels like it should be better. You were on FN? What's that? Yeah, is that better? I can hate you. Yeah, all right Feels like you're on fn
FM radio yeah, I believe okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah
I've been as a guest
I've been talking. Yeah, I've been talking too much on my own
I had a web series called D lemon in the morning. It was good. That's hilarious. I thought that was a radio show
I thought it was a radio I really wanted people to think that so that's
I swear to God. I saw the other radio show on
97 that's our racist I am I just assumed it was a hot 97
I love that I'll make it just take you right down another path no the question
I got for you so you say you get depressed after you know going on I get depressed
I get depressed a lot of things but that's just the one I'm not gonna say that's the only time I get depressed I
I have depression issues no no I get it my question is get it. My question is, so you were saying though,
when you say you say you're depressed,
people will point out where you are in your career
and how you kind of don't deserve to be depressed.
Yes.
Does that make you more reluctant to even open up to people
or do you just still, are you still the same, you know what I mean?
No, no, no, no.
I don't care about that.
I mean, I don't care about that. I look at certain people that you talk to
Don't if they're doing good. They're like dude. What the fuck they don't want anything to do with you right my wife
I'll tell you man my wife does not like a weak man
Yeah, when I get sick she fucking hates it. Yeah, she doesn't want to take care of me
She doesn't have any depression because my wife gets sick and she goes fuck it
And she still has to take care of the baby do all the shit. She doesn't she don't I of me. She doesn't have any depression. She's my wife gets sick and she goes fuck it and she still has to take care of the baby,
do all the shit.
She doesn't, she doesn't mean,
but like if I get sick, I'm like,
ain't need soup.
I need cookies.
And I will not take care of my chick when she's sick.
I'm like, I gotta be out of the house.
I act like I'm busy.
I hope you're telling other shit to do.
Wow, you don't have to worry about that anymore.
Because she's not living with you.
I have other women.
I know you do.
They get sick a lot.
Herpes sweats.
Yeah, she, you know, back to your wife beating you with a ceiling fan.
I am.
I got it.
Wow.
That was good.
No, but he gets the bomb, Danut, because he, before the words were out, he gave before the words were out he gave up on the joke
Your wife
The bomb that you look like Joe list brother the one the parents do like I'll tell you this much
Anytime Joe list is on a show people come up to me like you were great
Yeah, you look like him with the chin. I think I'm slightly more attractive a little bit
Yeah, but he's funnier He's. So that kind of brings him up a level
Here you know said he's funny. No, not him Joe. Are you crazy? I think why do you get depressed? I mean?
I don't know I get depressed, but I don't like you know, I try not to sit in it. I'll acknowledge it now
I'll acknowledge it, but I'm to your point. Yeah. I'll acknowledge it now. I'll acknowledge it, but to your point,
I'll undermine it by saying,
I should, you know what I mean?
He's a luxury problem.
You know what I mean?
Like if you shoot some shit,
if you shoot a television show right,
or you're talking on TV related,
and you might not all the way be excited about it or some shit,
rather than going to tell somebody,
ah, you know, I don't feel this way.
I'll talk myself out of it
But like my fucking you on TV rather than actually
Being true to how you feel so that's my point like do you
You hilarious way to say he doesn't get depressed
By Paris Nigger she's basketball
My parents snigger she's a basketball and my butt's good again. I'm a fucking white chick, so I get my hair cut.
I'm into my hair cut.
I was gonna fucking get you.
I'm gonna use the beat of thing.
Black people are going to therapy slowly.
Nah.
I'm trying to tell you is that.
White black people.
Nah, black black people.
Come on.
Yeah, I'm from fucked up areas because
really shit is under insurance.
Yeah, Medicaid will cover it.
Yeah.
Trust me, there is a trend towards black people
getting mental health. I mean, it's slower still than anything. Why do you think that is? I can't believe it. It's a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit
more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit
more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit
more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit
more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit
more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more
like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more
like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more
like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more
like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more
like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit
like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more
like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more
like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit and I know this, it seems to be this pride and struggle sometimes. Right? I'm saying, like, when you see black people
who kind of size each other up,
it's almost about who had it the worst.
Yeah.
So sometimes you kind of pass it down,
and you'd be like, now you can get past that shit.
We all people that have, you know, gotten beyond certain things.
So it feels as if, you know, if you put fucking feel it bad
about a TV show in comparison to being a dreamtunk,
it's always, it's always good to be like,-unk It's always it's always gonna be like well
Yeah, but what if you want to hang yourself cuz the show's open?
I'm saying I'm saying yeah, but it's all
Listen what I'm saying it's not crazy no I wasn't I wasn't like fucked up
I wasn't fucked up the show's over I get I get that. What I was, it's like, you're, you know, your life, it's just, it's a cycle that I needed
to be aware of, like, oh, this is the way it is.
You know what helps?
I'll tell you what helps.
Food.
Yes.
Fattening food though, not healthy food.
No, you know what really helps?
Having that son and having that family, you know what I mean?
Like, my kid really helps me out of a lot of fucking sand shit.
Well it's like you don't have to work for him.
They automatically love you.
Well they gotta work for like the fucking love
of every other asshole, the industry, friends,
other people, but your kid like just no matter what,
he's gonna look at you and go, I fucking love you.
Even think I got that shitty fucking thing on your head.
I love you, dad.
No matter what.
So, but not even just the love.
It's the fact that he doesn't give a fuck
what you're going through.
He wants to go play.
He wants to run around with a fucking sprinkler.
He wants to go take a walk.
He wants to, you know, whatever.
He wants to play the drums.
So it's like you have to, let's go.
And all of a sudden you just with him.
But I don't think too, man.
I realize that I'm a dry drunk right now.
You know, I've been sober for almost,
if I think 30 years.
And I, you know, I need to go back to meetings.
Like, it was a weird thing.
He was like, when did you last work the steps?
And I was like, oh shit, I have,
I don't know, you guys don't know about that.
But, you know, I went to the same five meetings
for five years.
The same fucking meetings, five days a week
for five fucking years.
How long ago was that when you first got?
That was around 25 years ago, when I first got soap.
Probably was still hot back then.
Did you get sober in New York?
Boston.
And Boston.
So it's like, not that I don't drink anymore.
I don't even think about drinking the using drugs.
But of course, I think about sex.
It was sex.
Now it's food, of course.
But yeah, I get fucking, I gotta go back to,
I'm gonna meet right after this tonight.
I'm just going.
Are you?
Yes.
Can I go with you?
Yes.
Why wouldn't you go with me?
That'd be awesome.
You had podcasts at the meeting,
secret meeting podcasts.
They do have those.
Premium content.
We need the premium content.
That's a beautiful idea, Deepwood.
Thank you very much.
Dude, what fucking do it? Fuck these people. What do you mean? It's anonymous. It's called
Al-Balox Anonymous. It's anonymous for them. They don't know. I have a question. So you want to go
your fingers so weird and long? Your finger bent upwards. Are you going home?
It's like when they bend the gun in the cartoon and point at himself.
My penis should be bigger. So
So you want to go to a meeting right yeah, but when everyone else is talking about alcohol
Are you thinking about like a sandwich?
Like there's a secret he's always thinking about a sandwich. Oh, I know, but I'm saying are you are you?
You're a fatty too. I'm not that fat dude. You're not fat now, but in your
Lua's got fat buddy in your head. You're a fatso. Yeah, I know you got fat
Those you're a fatty. I know this certain nights where you are fighting a pizza
Well, you're just fight when something didn't go in the baggy just broken a wrestling with five slices
Did I know you I know you fight it all the time and you're winning right now
You and I'm the alcohol the alcohol is why
When you do that you really look like a seal
Should have said Elevant seal would have been funny, but go ahead. I don't know how to punch up fat jokes on me
Let's not talk over each other. We want to fucking chamber boys and Abby to get all fucking twisted. Yeah
No, yeah, I mean, yeah, it's it's a struggle, but I fucking um you know, fucking twisted. Yeah, uh, no, yeah, I mean, yeah, it's, it's a struggle, but I fucking, you know, I think with the alcohol,
I'm not drinking anymore, that's a lot of the sugar
and a lot of the calories that it was having
because I was getting fucking like crazy drunk every night.
Yeah, but you were eating like a savage.
I've eaten with you when you were fat and you eat.
I could put it down.
We put it fucking down down.
Yeah, yeah, and that's always in your head.
You have to fight that food thing.
Yeah, I saw the commercial for the first time
for binge eating disorder.
That's like a thing now.
Remember that guy hit us up and he was like,
yeah, I binge eating disorder.
I want you and Bobby to like,
fuck and talk about this and fucking,
we're like, go fuck yourself, Eddie.
It's true, but it's a real thing.
It is.
You know what, there's prescribing for it.
What? What's not, it's not Adderall with the other thing. It is. You know what, there's prescribing for it. What?
What's not, it's not Adderall with the other one.
The time release Adderall?
Adderall.
It's still called Adderall.
No.
Adderall.
Riddle in?
A new, uh, dovigil?
No, it's a dovigil.
Provigil.
The, uh, the Vyvants.
Vyvants.
Because it surprises your appetite.
So I saw a commercial for Vyvants and they were like, oh, we're using this for binge eating
disorder now, which is crazy.
Ben Jeaning is a motherfucker and that's usually,
dude, I got into LA on Monday.
My wife books me in a commerce city.
Exactly, I'm in the fucking middle,
I'm with a shot of heat.
All right.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
I'm in the middle of fucking nowhere
to double trees in commerce city.
I call her up and go, hey, I don't know where the fuck I am
She's like well you picked the hotel. I showed you I go honey. I was going to LA to see friends and why the fuck would you book me in
Commerce City
And I was so sad because it was like a hundred dollar Uber ride to go see anybody on Monday night
So I was like fucking I just stayed home and I ordered a case idea
Right good though. I and I ordered a fucking nice hamburger with french fries
And it's a double tree so they get they give you good
It's too. Well one was on the appetizer side. So talk to them. It was said appetizer. It's a case idea
So that's it. That's it. Hey, that's a appetizer
Okay, it wasn't over on the other side. I
Don't think you're right. Technically, I'm in the fucking right. So if you're fat police, I did not break the law. Shake
No, shake the next day when I changed to the Rose of El total
Which is one of my favorite hotels ever?
Red on Hollywood Boulevard old school hotel read the whole inside. Isn't that blue she died?
I have no idea
we know that once you google that shop my mom
I told my mom yeah yeah yeah yeah
but I was a deal on chocolate milkshakes
yeah yeah I had a chocolate malt
and I love a malt
oh there's such a big why I didn't know what it
fucking was until like a few years ago I was like a
fucking malt uh fucking milkshake just
whatever it is whatever that flavor is,
it's just fucking damn.
I'm gonna malt right now with the hat.
Can we use the order malt to right now?
Listen to me, we can do malt.
You wanna do malt.
I'll buy everybody a malt.
Get a malt.
Somebody's gonna do it with the thompson.
They're homeless.
Find where a fucking malt place is.
You can take my credit card and go get a malt.
There's something.
You know we're like the drunk guy going to the AA meeting.
I just, listen, I'm literally talking about going
on AA meeting and trying to work
on myself and now I'm fucking off.
That was a test bob, we don't want months.
We ain't been in the middle of the line.
Trying to binge before to meet.
Yeah, I ate a lot, I ate shitty.
And here's how my sick thinking goes.
I ate so shitty that I shit, I got diarrhea or something and I shit a lot, like I shit
like five times and I felt thinner.
So I'm like, no, this is actually good for me.
Do you ever do the shitting where it comes out of the bowl where it's like above the water?
I don't know.
Listen to me, I shit so much.
I went to wipe my butt and my fucking knuckle.
Scrape the shit.
How to clean my mouth.
I shit at B's family's house, dude.
I was just binge eating because they're in St. Louis and they fucking had a cook down there, dude.
So we went for Christmas and we were just pounding down food.
There's in these old people,
they have food out all the time.
There's just food always on the stove.
There's cookies, fresh, fucking pies.
So I ate so much, dude.
I shit to the point where it came out,
look like a mountain and the two of the thing.
And it wouldn't flush.
Like the shit clogged the hole. So I couldn't flush, so I had to go and tell her family,
like yeah, I mean, I just created a fucking plug
of shit in your house, dude.
I like to take a stick and mash it in, dude, it was awful.
Would you get a stick?
You gotta go outside.
I had to go outside and get a real stick, dude.
A stick from the woods.
Didn't you have a plunger?
No, the plunger wouldn't do it.
The plunger would just, dude, believe me.
It's so bad and that's from fucking eating too much.
It's just from eating too much shit.
My shit looked like space mountain.
I didn't even know.
I was shit and shit and shit and I'm like,
oh, this is good, this bad food was good for me
because it cleaned me out and then I went to wipe my ass
and I just felt my knuckle skim something.
And I was like, and then I looked and it was just my knuckle
like I dipped it in chocolate.
You throw up?
No, I didn't throw up because I literally washed it off.
But then I looked and there was just a mountain of poop
in the toilet coming up out of it
with a knuckle swoop at the top of it.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
You can get your prints off your own shit.
Like you, you to, I mean, do you get depressed?
Me? Yeah. You do. Yeah,, I mean, do you get depressed? Me? Yeah.
You do.
Yeah, sure.
What happens when you get depressed?
What is it?
Usually watching his tapes.
What's that mean?
From my comedy tapes?
Yeah, okay, sorry.
Um, uh, man, well, I mean, okay, you're successful, right?
So I'm successful to a certain degree.
I'd say like, sure.
There's, there's something, you said like, you wasn't sure.
Nobody was. But I'm saying, look, I'm successful. I'd say like sure. There's something you said like you wasn't sure. Nobody was.
But I'm saying, look, I'm successful.
It's all relative though.
To what, you know, Lewis pays in rent in his bills to my bills.
It's relative.
I mean, you make the same money as, you know, but then there's that new thing that's,
I think comedy comics in really are rock stars now.
I mean, arenas.
I mean, not a few of them a lot like
Ten of them at least right? No, they just don't arena's ain't arena comics. Yeah, no
All right, I say five maybe maybe three of them are really rock stars
I mean reading reading inside a big big place. I don't know if he saw it in arena
Maybe a 5,000 cedar. Yeah, okay, so that's a lot of people
There's a lot of those. Yeah, there's a lot of those. Yeah, there's a lot of five
That's that's a rock star to me. Mm-hmm. I mean, right? Yeah, so draw
It's a was a draw isn't there's sweet a rock star and somebody that just pulls a rock star to you Amy and Kevin I'm fucking Eddie Murphy was a rock star and that's who Kevin is patting himself after Amy's arguably on the rock
Solo Brian reggaard is killing shit
Not as people are Ryan reggaard vince me all
Slash there you go gene Simmons gene seven you still a pun
Mark pun we're talking about I'm speaking literally
I'm like you know there's a certain energy though
Well, that's Gene Simmons's hour. Don't get him.
Don't get him.
He's a little bit more.
Don't get him.
Don't get him.
Don't get him.
Don't push the mic.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
I love that you trash.
Anytime you get attacked, you trash everybody.
Everybody has to go. Everybody trash everybody everybody has to go
Everybody in the room has to go
I
I I think
So anyways back to you. I was gonna go off another tangent
But go what were you saying when you get depressed? What do you do? Do you eat?
No, not really smoke weed maybe
That's what I'll do that's like the but that's such a
Comfortable addiction. I won't do anything. I'll just be easy. Want to get away with I'll do. That's such a comfortable addiction. I won't do anything.
It's such an easy one to get away with.
I'll just be depressed.
I won't do anything.
I'm like sleep late, something like that.
Somebody do you go to therapist now?
Your depression sounds awesome.
Like you'd sleep in, smoke a little weed, it's great.
I wish I had your depression.
I wish I had the worst, no, I'd rather get it out.
I carve 90's nails lyrics into my arm.
Are you crazy?
You've got an idea of the type of depression that I have? I can see it on your thighs. I really did carve 90's
and I end into my arm in high school. Why? Because I was a fucking little golf bag.
What about you, Damien? What? When you get depressed. Do you get depressed? I get, yeah. I guess.
I don't like to call it depressed because then we get into the cold clinical situation. I get down I feel yeah you know I get so dancing
Press and then he goes on the train and says showtime
And No, but when I get the press and I get my five gallon bucket and
I got now you know what cuz there's a lot of people I know that are like clinically depressed right so when I say not to Minimize it, but I haven't been that depressed to where the shit is like you know to me like
Medicine and everything everybody feels down, but that's it you know you don't get the pressure
You can I say fucking down I get fucking bummed out though cuz, because I know a lot of guys that are on these meds.
That take it away.
That just fucking take it away.
And I take these meds and I feel better.
And I keep telling my therapist,
are you trying to keep me here for life?
Let me go fucking, let me go to your friend
who can, you know,
I think there is like a weird conflict of interest
in therapy.
It's like, I don't know how,
if you fix me, then I don't need you.
Well, there's two different.
So it's like, one can subscribe,
prescribe meds and like mine.
Psychiatrist or a psychologist.
Yeah, right.
So it depends on who you go to.
All I can, he cannot, but he can send you to somebody.
Yeah.
He can send you to a friend and they'll talk to you one time,
take notes and then fucking throw you down.
So you're not on meds. What? You're not on med man. Why do you say it like that? No, I'm not
Because I because the I yeah, I'm what do you take I tell you I take well butrin and then they put me on
Well butrin. What's that well butrin is it's instead of?
It affects your dopamine and your effort best and so it's not an SIRR so it doesn't make you like
I know that was isn't that they put it in soda your effervescent so it's not an SIRR so it doesn't make you like Is that a band? Is that a band?
Did they put it in soda?
No.
People take a small...
I'm not saying it wrong, I'm sure.
Isn't that how fairies fly?
Yeah.
Um, yeah so I'm on that.
People take it to not smoke too.
That's a question.
What brought you down where you had to go?
What were you thinking?
What makes you sad?
What fuck you?
People call it pizza peggie.
This, I mean, yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean,
I was more really a piece of time I was 14.
Where are you really?
So yeah, they think I was depressed my whole life.
They just, I'm just Irish, Catholic.
Like I was gonna say,
does your family, my family doesn't go to therapy.
They think I'm fucking insane.
And my dad's bipolar. I got my family on fucking insane. And my brother, and my dad's bipolar.
I got my family on therapy now.
My dad goes, and my mom goes,
is that how it's, I start, no.
He started talking to them,
we got to see somebody.
Yeah, he was like,
this is, no, I go to a therapist and I was like,
I mean my dad, I was gone to a fist fight about a year ago.
And then he was like, maybe I should go see a therapist.
Your mom's like, your dad just rocked your shirt.
I would fuck you shit up though.
Would you?
Oh my god, yeah.
I sound crazy. Why would you fuck your kid up? No strength wise. I could just beat him up really. Yeah, we're gonna use your ass
I just sit on it. Yeah
Like snooki a wrestle manion
Christopher don't beat up your father
Who was that fucking wrestler that used his ass? What was it? Yoko's do now? Yeah, we watched that either day
Yeah, I'm the reals podcast like that scope was ass. That's how doing it. Yeah. We watched that the other day. Yeah, and the realist podcast.
Like that scope was asked.
That's how it beats people.
I'll be sits on them.
Just pushing the term by the night.
And it fixes the ass in his face.
Get it going a little bit.
The bonds I dropped.
So, so you, when did you start going on with medication though?
Uh, three years ago.
And let me ask you this.
Did it, did it help?
It helped for a while.
I was sober for a couple years and.
I remember the night you fell off.
I didn't fall off.
I decided to do it.
That's, yeah, that's what, that's actually cool.
No, I did.
I, I, but I talked about it with my therapist for five months
and I decided.
You talk about it with your sponsor?
By that point, I wasn't in the program anymore
because I was, I was, it wasn't for the,
how is that working out for you?
I'm good. I am good with that. I mean, you know, I mean,
but I keep it up. I mean, you can always go back to it. Look,
look, I'm not going to tell you, you know, you can't tell
some of the year of fucking you need to go to meetings. That's
up to you. But so you went on these pills and it helped you for
a while. And then actually, and then I have another break,
like a year ago, what's a break?
I did a tempted. Suisse. What's a break? I attempted suicide.
I don't know, I mean, this is real.
Listen, I'm not even gonna fuck with you right now.
Yeah.
I, my personality, and because I have a kid,
I can't even go down the root of,
let me kill myself.
But I'll tell you what does come up.
It does come in my head where it's like,
a fuck, I don't wanna, I just,
I'm so tired of trying to fix me constantly.
And I get a little headway and then I fail
and I get a little headway and one person can fuck me up.
One little thing, if somebody doesn't return the phone call if somebody does or just we get no fight
We're not taught or this or that or a guy cuts me and all of a sudden I'm in rate and I'm feeling shit
And it's just over one and to battle it all the time
For 45 years you know what I'm saying for 45 fucking years
Can can fuck you up. Yeah, it makes you sad.
I just, I can't go down that route
because of my brain goes fuck you.
You have to go.
That's it almost sucks in a weird way
because before I had a kid,
like I would have suicidal thoughts.
You can't use that one time.
Yeah, and you go, that was always like,
I never thought a suicide is like,
like oh my god, that's the worst thing in the world.
I was out of suicide.
I was like, if I've never got too hot, you could just fucking jump off a bridge.
Make everyone feel bad around you, write a really long fucking note, like fuck you.
But then you have a kid, you're like, well now I can't leave this kid.
So now it's like, what do you fucking do when it gets, if it gets really, really bad,
you know?
So yeah, I think you should kill yourself.
Thank you.
We're having kids. I have 14 needs for the nephew, so that's, yeah, really bad. So yeah, I think you should kill yourself. Thank you. We're having kids.
I have 14 nieces of nephews.
So that, yeah, whatever kid.
Yeah.
No, but that means that I,
your breakdown was suicidal thoughts.
Yeah, and I went home to Philly for two weeks.
I have four.
That's not going to help suicidal thoughts.
I have so much to do with Philly.
I'm just going to Gino's every night.
Fucking terrible, terrible parents.
And I said, things just like, what's wrong?
But yeah, no, I got my shit together.
What got your shit together?
Yeah, just, I mean, like, they put me on,
they just changed the prescription.
They changed the prescription.
Yeah.
So, but that's why I'm afraid, because it could have been
the medication.
No.
You don't think it could have been the meds
twisting you a little bit?
It wasn't the first time. So now that they changed your med have been the meds twisting you a little bit? It wasn't the first time.
So now that they changed your meds and they twisted them up a little bit, have you ever
had those thoughts since?
And are you doing better?
I'm doing better.
I have a panic attack a lot.
And that's when it will, that'll stem from like...
I have a question.
Yeah.
Are you ordering them all?
Well, do you want them all?
Do you find them all? I can go for them all. We'll find them all places. Put your hand in Well, do you want a malt?
Do you find a malt place?
I could go for a malt.
We'll find a malt place.
Put your hand in there if you want a malt.
Will you find a malt place?
I got a malt.
I'm just going to have malt.
Because you should have got it 10 minutes more.
Well, I had it.
I didn't know if you wanted it, Bobby.
I didn't want to fucking get out of the rabbit hole.
Do you have it?
Everyone here wants a malt house.
I could take it.
Nobody could focus on the conversation right now because we're all thinking malt.
Point one mile.
I think you're picking it.
Forget. You're going to fuck up, Tom. I think you're picking it forget show up
Up top basically said you're gonna kill yourself and you're like no, we get a malt
If you want a malt will that help you would that give you another day in your life? Oh fuck you Lewis. I hope you kill yourself listen
Oh, geez. He can he is a
Dad
This is my thing, no and that's that's why I always say, I wouldn't identify as depressed,
because I don't ever wanna appear dismissive at all
to anybody that feels that way,
but when you say you've thought about killing yourself,
but now you have a child.
So that's not even option,
is that really you just mentally realizing
that that's not an option.
It's really easy to put it on the kid
because that's the kid and I'm just gonna kid
what it signifies and the fact that it came from you.
I wanna watch my kid grow up.
I like that.
It became, I mean, I'm not explaining clearly.
It became no longer on the table.
It's not even a card in the deck anymore.
You know what I'm saying?
Whereas before I had a kid, it was always,
it was always like my final out.
I'd be like, fucking boom, gin and I'm done. You know, and kid, it was always, it was always like my final out, I'd be like,
fucking boom, Jen and I'm done, you know?
And like, it was not negative at all.
It was really like, but my question is,
it's kind of like you taking the agency out of your own decision
and placing it on the kid because there are people
that are kill themselves with children.
So you saying, well, I got a kid, I can't kill myself.
You very well, Ken, but something in your mind has said,
you know what, I want to be here for my son.
And I'm gonna make it decision.
There's new ones, everybody's different.
You know, I mean, people do kill them.
I mean, I have family members have killed themselves.
No, what I'm saying is when you say, yo, I'm only,
I'm only not considering suicide because of my child.
It's a, are you undermining your own judgment
and saying no,
that's no longer an option.
No, I think it's a very realistic look on it.
It's not, I don't think I'm undermining my judgment.
And I was in my suicidal before I had a kid.
There was times where I got that depressed and that fucked up.
But can I say something though?
It is a individual thing.
I've never, even I've had fucked up times.
But I never really thought about suicide. I would never do it. So like where you were at, it's
in your personality to get to that point where it's like, fuck, I never was
like that, but I can see where I could go down that road where it is, it's like
you know, look man, thinking about suicide, all you're doing, you're not thinking
about, you don't want to die. No. What you want is you want to like, you know, look man, thinking about suicide, all you're doing, you're not thinking about, you don't wanna die.
No.
What you want is you wanna live,
but you just don't wanna live shitty, you don't wanna feel crap.
And you don't know how to not feel like shit.
Right.
And the people, or people places or things
that usually feel better, aren't working.
Right.
So the drugs aren't working, the booze isn't with the food, the boyfriend,
the girlfriend, the friends, the job, it all is.
Evidence.
Approvescence, it's fair.
But I think the difference is like,
all right, with drugs and alcohol, right?
If you're depressed, drugs and alcohol
are like a negative thing, right?
And then like something that's positive,
like your family or something that like you make you happy.
It's just different.
It happiness is not excitement.
I've said this a million times.
Happiness feels good, but it doesn't feel great.
When you're depressed, you want to feel great.
You don't want to have, hey, I love you.
I love you too, says, you know what I mean?
You want a fucking smoke and hot chick,
audio leave going, hey, I've been looking,
I want a sucky dick, you want to come on?
I take you up out here. Fucking yes, I do, and fucking eat, have been looking, I want a sucky dick, you want to come on?
I'm gonna take you about here.
Fucking yes, I do, and fucking eat, I go party and have a,
that brings you the fuck up.
You don't want good, you want.
You're headed to like, it's a fucking huge hoagie
to smoking hot chicks, like, I'm sitting in the face right here.
Well, that's the thing is if you follow my path,
it was alcohol and drugs,
and then it was smoking and pussy,
and now it's food,
because of my life changed,
and that I haven't gone to meetings.
I haven't, I haven't, I haven't,
I'm smoking cigars.
That's the same shit.
Why do you think that that's any better by the way?
Well, it is better.
It's not.
Absolutely.
Get mouth cancers, actually,
I think it's studies have proven,
you are more likely to get mouth cancer
than you are lung cancer
from smoking cigars every day
First of all this is tobacco and water. That's it. There's nothing else in it. I'll say you're right
Let me explain somebody a cigarette has 4,000 chemicals. You're giving yourself mouth cancer
No, I'm not you are because I use the tobacco rinse after every cigar
Look at off people is there is he gonna fucking get mouth cancer?
Can we can we not,
I crashed down this fucking route?
What, no, no, no, you're fucking patting yourself
on the back like you gave up smoking
because you're small.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
buddy, I did not, I did not.
That is 45 cigarettes rolled up into one.
Can we please get back to Peggy's suicide above?
Yes, I'm trying to, I'm trying to get back
to this poor girl.
It's fine, I'm not, but do that.
I know, I know, I know, I know.
Well, I think this is the thing that most people
don't get about depression and like, because
my dad is bipolar and he just isn't a depression right now. And I like my
whole thing with him is like, it's not going away. You just have to figure
out. Yeah. How to live and how to be okay. And true this, when I have a
breakdown like that, I'm not taking care of myself. I'm not doing things
like working out or like, you know, being positive in other things. Like I, I,
you just slowly, that's how I have a break. Where's other or like, you know, being positive in other things. Like I'm, you just slowly, that's how I have a break.
Where's other people will, you know, you know, have a four day bender and like get drunk.
I will, I get to a point where I'm not eating properly.
And then I can't get out of bed.
You said it.
You have a, the things that make you healthy.
Yeah.
You're not doing right because you, you were feet.
Here's it.
Here it is. Here's the progression. Tell me if this makes sense.
You feel shitty, terrible.
You hit a bottom, you start to find out how to get yourself better.
You start to do those things.
You do them, you do all of a sudden, you're feeling good.
Things are great, you look better.
Everything's going well, so you stop doing those things because you're okay. So you slowly stop doing those things, because you're okay.
So you slowly stop doing those things
that made you feel better, and then all of a sudden,
and you, but you can ride for a while on those wheels,
and then all of a sudden, you slowly start to feel
shitty again, and you don't know why.
It doesn't make sense anymore, and you didn't realize,
I'm not doing all the shit that got me there.
Yeah, I'm not, whatever, go into meetings,
go into the gym, talk to yourself.
And then you look for the instant fix
with alcohol, food, sex, drugs, or whatever,
because when you eat a fucking sandwich,
you go like, oh, this feels so good in the moment,
until you're fucking shitting out of the toilet water.
Right.
Dude, let me taste some of the food.
Have enough fucking, I've done a lot
of fucking crazy sexual shit, and it's awesome. I've partied like a fucking fucking, I've done a lot of fucking crazy sexual shit,
and it's awesome, I've partied like a fucking animal.
I got a low job in my friend in front of a crowd of people.
But, having a sandwich,
having a fucking pizza delivered to your room,
while you're in your underwear with Deadpool
just about to start, I don't know if it's the same thing.
It's the same thing, great movie, right?
It's a great movie, but it's, my point is's the same. I love Lewis's little fun. Yeah, he's always swinging, which I do admire. But yeah,
it's like, it feels the same as a chick coming over. Are you able to, you're less guilty?
Are you able to just have like one slice of pizza? No, okay. So it's just not because if you
cross that limit, then you're like, all right, well, I've already done it.
So let me just fucking open up the floodgates.
Yeah, I remember one that I went over.
I was doing so good for a long time, months,
and I went, I was like, I'm starving.
The other place I was open was Ben.
I was like, I'm just gonna get one fucking grandma slice.
And I'm out.
That's the best, that is the best slice
to pizza in my opinion in the world.
And what is the best slice?
I'm not a grandma slice.
Grandma slice.
It's not a regular slice.
Joe's for the regular slice. Ben's for the fucking, I only got one slice. Just one here, Grandma slice. Grandma slice. It's not the regular slice.
Joe's for the regular slice.
Ben's for the fucking, I only got one slice.
This one here, I don't want to.
Right on the corner.
Okay.
Ben's, I got one slice.
I want to get pizza neck.
We got a pizza and multiple.
Here's the thing.
As I was going to get one slice, a brand new mama pizza came out.
Grandma pizza came out of the oven.
A brand new grandma pizza came out.
And I was, it was almost like bubbling.
I, it wasn't bubbling, but in my head I saw bubbles and I went I mean you know
this is I go let me just get this half and I was like I got to take some home
to dawn you know I started me and I did not see a bite of that pizza she's
never had grandma pizza for that I got one question about this so you know
how you say you cope with different things, right?
You cope with through sex, right?
Yep.
When you were coping through sex and pulling these women,
did it, due to the fact that you saw this cope,
did it make it easier for you to pull these women
or did you find yourself a little bit more desperate
doing thirstier shit to get these women?
Thirstier shit.
I used to get hookers too.
Oh, okay.
Even when I was in shape, I had like, I had like four or five regular girls
that were my girlfriends.
They didn't know about each other.
Of course.
And then I would go get hookers too.
Like also.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like I didn't rely on fucking gay.
I know, I go to a town.
The first thing I do is go to the phone book
and get a massage bother.
Yeah, Craigslist.
Yeah, I go, I'd call, what time you up until, 1230, got it. Hey, do you do table showers phone book and get a massage father. Yeah, Craigslist. Yeah, I go, I'd call with time you up until 12.30.
Got it.
Hey, do you do table showers?
Yes, wait a little.
There's one right next to you, Jonathan.
Yeah, oh, there's one right here.
I've heard.
Now you have five delis that don't know about each other.
You're waiting a long time for that.
No, I'm glad we waited because if we let that fucking be funny,
because it was a great joke, but it was just a fucking second later.
He was on the bomb, Dana.
Here's the thing though, he was very happy about that.
No, he stuck the landing.
If he would have fucking stuck him with the bandana,
he would have fucked himself.
I'm learning.
I think it's that.
That was a good one.
One turkey sandwich in the East Village,
a Rubin on the west side.
I get it, baby.
Now you're getting it.
Gritty. Where is the bomb, Dana? On as my I get it. I'm now getting. I'm getting it. Gritty.
Where is the bomb, Dan?
On as my wife had it.
He's got it.
I think.
Have you ordered those malt-chat?
I can't.
You're a fucking idiot.
I can't fucking get the malt-chat.
I can't pop.
I can't pop.
You want it.
This is what you want to do.
Lewis.
Lewis.
Lewis.
What?
Okay.
Do you get it?
He's awful.
It's been 35 fucking minutes. We've been to order a party. You don't need it
Hey, can you not get so angry at my
The fucking show I don't like this. Yes, is annoying. I know that but you don't talk to Lewis
It's ridiculous that we win this all right. We have to order the malt
I have to still get here Lauren. Can you please?
It's a hundred degrees outside Lauren. Can you get listen Lawrence here? Okay, Lauren's on it. So perfect
God, we just go to the Carvelle guy
Is there a carvel? There's a guy when I don't car have malts do they it's a malt. We're getting malts
Anyways, you never answered that question though that I asked what I'll go talk to me
Sorry, no, like if you go to the meeting. Don't look if you go to the meeting. Yes. Are you thinking about sandwiches?
Is that why you're trying to go?
Sammages?
Like a child.
I'm not even at sandwiches. Look at mine. I'm not thinking about food.
Right now, you know what I mean? I'm not really going to even do a malt right now because I'm I'm not if we get Maltz you're gonna be upset you didn't get a
Maltz no
Yeah, anybody who wants one can have it. I'm not gonna do one you're not doing a malt. I'm not doing a malt. I'm not doing a small malt
You can't share anyone's malt either
Can't take a sip anyone's malt. Don't tell me what the fuck
You want to do that you are
Bobby's going to kick everyone out.
I'm a fucking malt-oergy by himself. You are a lot cooler when you drag
malt man. I'm going to the meeting tonight not for food or
I'm going to the meeting tonight to to to get back into you know that frame of
mind. Is there any work that works for me though. That it works for me. You understand? Like I when I go of mind that works for me though that it works for me
Do you understand like I when I go to meetings
It works for me. It's just that's what works for me and I sometimes I go to them
But even when I go I'm not really there. I need to go. I need to get involved again
I need to do the steps. I need to have my brain to do this there stepper
I need to have my I need to have my brain back do this there, stepber. I need to have my, I need to have my brain back
in that mode because that works for me.
That's it.
That's pretty good.
That's it.
But I mean, you haven't been in that frame of mind
for 20 years.
No, no, no, I, I'm dude, I've been fucking sad
and fucked up since I was a kid.
And I come out of it and I work my way out of it.
Now imagine how the listeners of this episode feel
Why yeah, why cuz they're sad why cuz we're being sad and depressing
I don't think so I think would be a funny inside of some real shit and I'm all right with that
I think you're a fucking loser. I also think you should kill you
Go to the bridge. I get you more.
Right after I jerked my malt.
I don't think so.
I think that a lot, especially your fans
want to kill themselves.
Fuck you, dude.
Fuck you and your stairs.
Give me fucking.
Don't do it.
No, he has done it.
He's hit me with a bottle before.
It should be known. I'm a little scared. It's shut down the show once. It don't do it. I wouldn't do that. No he has done it. He's hit me with the bottle before.
It should be known.
I was just saying.
It's shut down the show once.
But it was a two-year-old.
He didn't really do it.
It was fake.
I was going to say something about his wife and then he fucking...
I won't say anyone.
No, I won't.
Nobody's got a glass bottle.
No.
All right.
Well, you don't go to meetings though to like stop the drinking or eating.
No.
It's for like, it's so you can keep... It's not for that. It's to actually be I'll tell you what what's a great thing.
Being grateful is a great thing. Yeah, that's it. That's like people I think black people
are just more grateful. Why did that sound racist? I think these guys are truly. No, why
did that sound right?
No, it is kind of what you're saying.
Kind of saying that before.
I don't think black people are more grateful.
I think that that, I think you, again,
like you can compare it to much dire shit.
Right, which is grateful.
Which is grateful.
That's grateful.
It makes you, it don't even make you grateful.
It just makes it fucking not eat equivalent.
So you got to say, therefore, since it's saying equivalent to slavery,
I guess I'm grateful not to be fucking in slavery.
That'll mean you happy.
What made me feel good the other day is that I'm looking at,
I'm looking at my fucking, it's stupid, but you look at your kid.
I came home yesterday, my kid lit up like a motherfucker.
My wife was as happy as he and me.
I went in, we're in the backyard,
hanging out, running around, and I am on a fucking,
like my dream gig, literally.
It's my dream gig to be on FX,
with Leary and Apostle, Serpico,
Silletti, all those guys.
And even the cast is fucking awesome.
I love everybody.
I mean, it's fucking amazing.
I am ecstatic. Like, was like this is great ecstatic ecstatic.
Sorry ecstatic and um, he did say it right the first time.
No, yeah, this is the first man. I'm gonna take you to never stop for me.
Please don't with words. You said ecstatic. No, he didn't say ecstatic. He said ecstatic.
I got it. I got it. I'm just gonna take the hit. You're right. I got it.
Just let me please.
You're gonna fucking call me back right now and then you you coming at me a little bit. Yeah, fuck you fuck what?
Not cool. Oh
Cute a little kid does one skit with star roast and he's quitting the show
Starverse. Yeah, what is it? It's called tank top season. Oh my god. Can we stand?
Just film that you poke
Easy Oh my god, can we say it? I mean, just just film that you poke Easy
You know
We could see what that
It's great to let with what Damien was saying
With what Damien was saying about like if you compare things to like back then to now
It's easier or like you with your problems you went from like alcohol to drugs to sex to food. It's like
Society in general if we fix one problem there's gonna be another problem and they get less serious
Does that make sense like all right ready? There was like food is not a fucking food is the worst
It's worse than you have to eat you have to eat and nobody gives a fuck if you're fat.
If you're fat, they'll just talk about you behind your back
and they will not help you.
Well, there's a new fat shaming moving.
You're not supposed to fat shampi.
Well, guys, we can make fun of guys.
You can't fat shaming.
You're not fat shaming, but here's that's very recent.
But honestly, God, there's no food that's
not a whole heroin.
Your kids on heroin, you've never had a chocolate malt.
But your kid is over here. you've never had a chocolate malt But your kid is over you never have a strawberry malt
Did you think you'd be better if you switched to the flavor of the malt?
Given the bend down on that I'm the only one trying
No, you're not you just brickin. He's funny. You're brickin whatever a brickin means
Brinking means. Brinking means double.
Come on man, throwing up balls and not hitting the back of a man.
No man, no man, no.
No dude, I think food is terrible.
But it's a big, how many fat people, how many people come up to me and go, dude?
And they love fat jokes that have some type of sad, like, realness to them.
Sadness to them. because they're like,
yeah dude, I feel like shit,
because my underwear elastic fucking sweatshut
and folds over and it goes, crawls up my,
I can't tie my shoe.
You know what I mean, they're like,
I'm not saying it's not disgusting.
I'm just saying,
I'm missing my point.
I think I like him better than Joe Liss.
Yeah, look at his mouth easier.
This fucking shit makes him
like in real conversation.
Joe's just, he, Joe just waits to snipe.
He's talking, he doesn't hilarious.
I don't think he's trying to be funny.
I think he's just a mean person.
Why don't you go on the chamber boys?
Yeah, I think it's, I think food's a mean person. Why don't you go on the chamber boys. Yeah, I think food's a terrible one.
Yeah, because I'm not a beast, like 700.
My God.
This face just lit up, what are you talking about?
What?
Are you on your phone, you cock-sucker?
He's looking at a movie times.
Put your fucking phone right phone That's how fucking
Interesting is we think I'm afraid you cuz you're black. I know he does
He's your phone away you cock suck. Bobby. You know what he's been doing? He'll ask a really profound question
Just to get you to not pay attention
They're looking at his phone to try to buy
You all right, you know what she did when she came in she shut her phone off
She's beautiful. She's got good parents in low self-esteem.
All right.
Yeah.
That is so accurate.
You got shitty parents in a really high self-esteem.
You got shitty parents in a high self-esteem.
He doesn't know if his dad's shitty.
Oh, you know your dad, right?
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh man. Oh shit.
We're not taking a break today.
We're just going to go for another 20 minutes
and call it a day.
This is actually pretty interesting.
Why, you have no addictions, my friend?
Me?
Yeah.
I mean, I drink and I smoke and like, you know.
But no, not really.
Not too much, no.
I mean, pretty.
I love smoke.
What? You know, I'm not going to smoke. I mean, I drink and I like smoke and like, you know, but no, not really.
Not too much. No, I mean, it's pretty what? Um, you know, it varies. I mean, almost every day. So I mean,
you some people would quantify that as an addiction. You smoke weed every day. Almost. Yeah.
Like, and not a lot though. Like maybe like one look at the night and like a one hitter. It depends,
man. It varies. Yeah. If I can smoke weed like that, I'd be smoking weed right now, all day in the morning.
But you're a fuck year in a, it just like me, dude.
Yeah, you're smoked all day.
Yeah, I can't do it.
Well, you do anything all day.
Look, yeah, you're right about the cigars, by the way.
I was just my small boss.
I smoked once a gar of Paul Verzi's birthday party outside.
He was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He thought it was burr, but he took it from me.
It was like, oh, yeah, it's Paul, never mind. He was like, oh, my God bar but he took it from it like all the others Paul never mind.
He was like, I'm a cigar buddy.
That's what started it.
We're all smoking.
I was like, oh great, I smoked it down to the nub.
If you go to my human oil right now, I have over 300 of the primo cigars ever.
Do you get caught up in more so just the collecting of it?
Now obviously going to smoke all of it.
Like when you gave me this today, we introduced our guest.
Do we introduce our guest? I wasn't here for the past. Yeah obviously going to spend all that time. Like when you gave me this today, we introduced our guest. Do we introduce our guest?
I wasn't here for the past.
Yeah, we're introduced to me.
All right, tell everybody again.
Your name and Matt.
Matt, you've been here three times.
Yeah.
Are you a comic, too?
No.
Okay.
Great podcast, though.
What's your podcast?
You're on the clock podcast.
Oh, cool.
I was assured that you gave away.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did I give it away?
You gave it to one of the Philly comics.
I forget what you wanted. Did I, yeah, yeah, yeah. He gave me it away? You give it to one of the Philly comics, I forget what you want.
Did I, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He gave me the cigar.
You know, you've got a great voice.
He sounds like a Batman villain.
He gave me this fucking cigar today, and I literally was like,
Oh, God, I can't wait to smoke this.
Okay, I got excited.
Like, it was a drug.
Yeah, it's a fucking drug, absolutely.
But, out of all the things I'm doing, this right now,
in my hand, I'm like, yeah, fuck it.
So maybe when I get my shit together and blah, blah, blah,
maybe I'll cut back on cigars.
But right now, if I need an addiction,
I'll take that over fucking, you know,
whores and fucking cupcakes.
That sounds awesome.
I mean, the whole thing is gonna be amazing.
We should open a fucking place that does that specifically.
Topless fucking chick chicks.
Do just with cupcakes.
The whole of the cupcakes?
Yeah, like a strip club that just,
the only thing on the menu is different cupcakes.
These have it in Maine, a donut shop strip club.
You really know every body.
You never know.
Listen to me.
Should be a P card.
It was a topless donut shop.
Should you go in?
You go in the morning and there's fucking,
he was like, no, when he walked in, bye-bye.
Hey.
No, no, no.
She got a donut pub. All right.
So there's no going.
We stopped.
Dude, I'm telling you, I got a food addiction.
I'm trying to get my shit together.
You don't know, Pupp.
My kids meeting me.
We went to the donut pub me and Lauren two weeks ago.
Oh, yeah.
Pretty fucking good.
Yeah.
It's the best.
We got there original.
No, 14th and 17th.
It's just the bet.
Yeah.
Do you have a magician that does magic trick?
He wasn't there. He was not there. He had to there going the weekends late night. Yeah, we went like 7 30
They kicked him out. No, they didn't
They didn't kick my guy. They didn't kick my guy. They did they changed everything around in there. No, no
I'm fucking telling you I went I'm the one who fucking introduced you fucks to the donut bump
Magic Mike's a staple. I took you guys there and I tell you how to do it
See to the county tip the guy away from the hot one. You know what is to we fucked up week
We went too early. Yeah, so there's like a lot of people there's people all at the bar
It was swamp now you got to go late at night late night. I'm 30 tip the guy
You got a tip the guy because you want fuck he'll give you the straight Bob. Look Bobby's for what?
I said go ahead Bobby knows what the fuck you talking about when it comes to fucking donut and pastry shops.
Those guys don't fucking.
We go in and it wasn't like we didn't just like
most people go in and go, oh, donut pub.
Bobby was gonna offer 60 years.
So, you know, they get a donut and that's it.
We literally just get a spread.
We sit there at the bar like we're drunk.
Cause it really is just like the addiction dude.
Can I tell you something?
We left John Corbett from my show.
Yeah.
He would have hung out.
We could have went wherever he went and been with this fuck.
We were like, we literally hid from him.
Right.
Oh, in the check.
The check was on too.
John Corbett was like, hang out.
Yeah, there was an agent like, we could have literally
maybe furthered our career.
Right.
We were just, we were doing like some VIP room at a club.
Yeah, we could have went to like, fucking some really cool.
We hid so we could go get donuts. Cause it's not good. Cause he wouldn't have wanted to get done. We just had, we walk in, to like fucking some really cool. We hid so we could go get donuts Because he wouldn't have want to get done
We just hit we walk in I hand the guy at 20. I go whatever's hot
You bring to us first
So as they come out he stops in front of us and we all just take a hot one
Oh, that's lit and you eat as you eat so he's he's just walking out every time
It's a taste in menu. It's a taste in but you're at the chef's table. But you have like 13 donuts.
Yeah, or the related donut, no, I'm gonna tell you this,
the fucking 7-11 Slurpy donut tastes way better
than you would expect.
Slurpy donut.
There's a Slurpy donut.
Slurpy donuts are pretty dope.
They got it, shit is good.
I expect it to be terrible, but it's good.
I tell you something, you've added a, no,
I'm gonna tell you, the Boston Cream, the long crela Boston cream at the 7-11 is off the chain.
I like the glaze.
Are they do crispy cream?
I don't know, but it's a crispy cream style.
It looks like it.
It looks like it.
The melting your mouth, the glaze don't have some 7-11 and they're two for a dollar.
We have to stop.
We have to stop.
And this is a...
I'm going to go to the fucking meeting.
Yeah.
And I say fuck that place on 23rd.
Donut.
Donut.
Donut.
Donut.
Dude, it just sucks.
That Crembrillet donut is bananas.
It's okay.
No, that's fine.
You gotta go to donut pump, man.
You gotta go to the way you go.
What do you get?
Where do you get?
It's just, here's the thing.
Ready? All the donuts, like, you'll get the same style donut,
they don't look the same,
because they're made by a real person.
You know what I'm saying?
You're gonna like, Dunkin' Donuts,
every donut looks the same.
And they're cake donuts.
Yeah, the fucking hair donuts.
Okay.
Cake donuts.
Oh, you wanna be a fat fuck dude?
Just go to Dunkin' Donuts.
I have no choice.
Get a cake donut, right?
Like just an old fashioned.
Throw it on the microwave for 30 seconds.
Put a scoop of ice here on my top.
Change your fucking world top change your fucking world
Change you are fucking I can't wait. I can't wait to come back. I don't give a shit
I can't wait to come back to fatville. I don't give a shit. I can't wait. I think the girls like me more when I'm fat
That's not true. Happy you girls are my forgiving
Yeah, I know I think for some reason when I put on a little weight I get more tension from the ladies That's true because you let you're you're more intimidating now and you have more confidence
You roll in like a dick. They're afraid to talk to you when you chubby. They're like I can talk
It's like me with a chubby chick. I walk in. Hey, what's up? Oh fucking what's going on? I'm chubby right now
That's why I like a chubby. I'm do I have to do a show with a TV show with my shirt off
When
Mm-hmm the third or the second your fucked. Yeah, Gaffigan show. Are you kidding me? Yeah. Dude, you know what you're gonna do? I
didn't, I, I didn't, I, I didn't, Marin, they would like take your shirt off. I didn't
do it. I didn't do it. He was like, take it, take it, take your shirt off. And it
tells, and it tells me a fact. Louis Katz's podcast. They tell me fat they want your
shirt off. It's just funny. Yeah. Yeah. I'm terrified. And I begged them on
Marin. I was like, God, do you think I'm I wear a t-shirt, you know what I mean?
They're like, no.
Well, here's the thing, it's funnier,
the scene's funnier with that with that my shirt on.
Yeah, of course.
Are you gonna tie a diet a little before?
I have been, but today I fucked up.
I had a couple little chocolates with my son.
Oh, you mean when you want moths and fucking donuts?
Yeah, I'm going to donut pub after this.
No, you're not.
Yes, I am.
You're a scene to do.
I'm gonna try to help you.
What?
You're gonna go to the meeting with me.
I'm not gonna be in good enough shape
for it to really make a difference in a week.
We know.
But you know what I'm trying.
So if you do like a detox, you could lose like,
yeah, but not where it's gonna look good with my shirt off.
I actually, I think I'm better a little plumber.
Like otherwise, instead of I look deflated.
No.
Unless I'm shredded, exactly.
I like melted.
I'd rather be a little more like big like won't have the abs that I could have, but it would take me two or three months. So are you playing on playing myself?
Yeah, well, you're sure?
Let me see what you got.
No.
Why?
You'll see it on the show.
Is it that bad?
It's brutal right now.
Let me just see.
No.
We won't even put the camera in the back.
I'm going to put it in the back.
I'm going to put it in the back.
I'm going to put it in the back.
I'm going to put it in the back.
I'm going to put it in the back.
I'm going to put it in the back.
I'm going to put it in the back.
I'm going to put it in the back.
I'm going to put it in the back.
I'm going to put it in the back. I'm going to put it in the back. I'm going to put it in the back. I'm going to put it in the back. I'm you playing on playing myself? Yeah. Yeah. But you're sure that you got. No. Why?
You'll see it on the show. Is it that bad?
It's brutal right now. Let me just see. No.
We won't even put the cameras on. No.
I think guys who are like 10, 20 pounds over waiter,
hotter. I think you were more of a little beast,
but you're 14 years old. I was going to say it.
I was going to say it. I was going to say, of course you do.
But I'm from Philly. I was gonna say, of course you do. But, well, awesome from Philly,
every guys, 20 pounds of money.
Yeah, every Philly guys are always cheating.
Yeah, girls like a guy that you know what it is though,
what you say?
I'm from Philly and I'm skinny.
Yeah, but you're personality and shitty.
You have each.
Yeah.
Back to Lewis, his George Zimmerman body.
You've met.
No, when I, when I'm, I think we know this,
why I like fucking fetchic sometimes.
Yeah.
Because I like to feel like the hot one.
That's fucking good.
Is that making you mad?
No, I just think that that's really like fucking good.
No, but I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's what you're
saying too?
No, I just like to hold on to something.
Yeah, but don't you like a bigger guy because you don't have to worry about?
No.
Really?
I'm still gonna worry about that No. Really? So you-
I'm still gonna worry about that shit.
So you would, if a guy was shredded abs gorgeous,
wouldn't even fuck.
And he was like, let's-
I probably couldn't fuck him.
But nobody's like, I like you.
Let's get naked.
Would you feel fucked up?
I would be like, stop.
Who's playing a prank on me?
Nobody from me.
I take all that out.
You're in a rumba.
You fucking going back to your hotel.
It's late from the casino.
And this smoking hot guy.
Why am I you in this scenario?
There you got a whole thing in one hand.
We got a hot gondas together.
You're...
Okay, so I just love casino.
So you go back to the...
We all hot bothered, no?
You smoking a fucking stone.
But you're going back to the video. We all hop bother. You're smoking a fucking stone.
But you're fine.
And the guy walking, he was like, hey, I really like you.
I know you're comedy.
I'm a big fan.
And he's like, once you go back to your home,
you wind up getting naked.
Would you feel fucked up?
Or if it was a guy like me that did it,
wouldn't you feel, I mean, I'd be honest,
if it was a smoke and hot chick,
they wanted to get naked with me, I'd feel crazy.
I'd be like, I'm all right.
I'd leave my shirt on. Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Yeah, I'm gonna get something back from God. It's a random act of kindness.
If the guy is dumb, if the guy is dumb, I could fuck him.
If he's really dumb, if I think I'm smarter than him,
I- So you can fuck everybody in this room?
Well, yeah, that's fine.
I mean, I like that.
That's for you, Damien, I'm sorry.
Um, so he's-
Damien's on his phone with what?
Um, I-
What will show him my own?
I can't leave early, you fuck.
Oh, man, we all live, all in clocking out when we all
I think that like I like I fucked a guy for a while who I used to call
Marky Mark because he looks like Mark Wahlberg and I was and he's from Boston
Um, and he was stupid. No, he was like
Very, but the only reason I could do is like the night I met him he was so dumb
I was like, oh this guy's so dumb out fucking care. That's what he he thinks about my body Don't girls like it when guys are dumb because they fuck better fucking hate it. Yeah, I don't like hagg
Don't like talking to him like I kicked him like I kick him out every time he comes over but you're right
We're talking to the mic. Why?
I'm 170 pounds and I'm scared to take my shirt off when I have sex. Why?
I feel like I'm a little bit in the stomach. Really?
He's got a lot of back knee.
No.
And I sweat, so I don't want to like, triple off.
Oh, right.
Yeah, but skinny people in sweat is like hot.
Fat people in sweating is disgusting.
I sweat a lot.
Yeah, was he a fat guy sweat?
It's like, you feel like it's some food
they coming out of them.
Yeah.
I don't know.
That was said they were like eating.
Like you watch him, I could, if it's like an in-shape dude,
it's fucking eating some Doritos.
I was like, I can be a commercial.
That's great.
I see a fat guy eating Doritos.
I look at him like, dude, what the fuck are you putting
in your face right now?
It's really sad.
Well yeah, that's what I hate when guys are like,
I love girls that drink whiskey and eat and fuck.
You know you don't, because they look like this.
They look like me.
Yeah, I can throw back.
Shot the fuck up.
Babut, listen.
First of all, I like, I think you're pretty shit. Yeah, I can roll back shot the fuck up. What? Bab it listen first of all I
Like I think you're pretty shit. Yeah, I fuck
I love that you're hot. You're very down in yourself. Thank you. I think I've had so much
I mean look I'd fuck Lauren first, but if she didn't find I'd go to you
But I fuck Lauren first out of all of you
Yeah, yeah, yeah fucking you're cute as shit. I'm I'd peg the peg Yeah, no, I'm not gonna get you, sis. No, I, yeah, yeah, you're fucking, you're cute as shit.
I'd peg the peg.
Yeah.
No, I'd be pegging you.
That's what pegging is.
What?
What do you guys want?
What do you guys want?
What do you guys want?
What do you guys want?
I found that out and I was like, you fuck lose.
No, you strap on.
It's a fun day.
That's called the peg.
I don't know, but it made me hard a little bit.
You can't peg a chick.
You can't peg a chick.
But she did this.
Yeah. Just put that fucking.
Wait, you were talking about this the last week and you
and someone was like, why would a girl want it?
It's not, I like to be dominated in bed.
Like, I don't, because I'm a dominant person outside of it.
But there is something sexy about like fucking something.
I think that's why I want to fuck a girl.
Because I'm like, yeah, fucking something sounds.
So you put it, if I, if I, you came into my house
and I was like, well, we did a gig together. See say I took you on the road with me. Wait, wait, wait
I'm out hang on. I'm gonna get fucked in the ass. It's not gonna be a little fuck you in the ass
I'll fucking in the ass, but that's gay
This is experimental
No fucking being is and that what okay? I would never put my dick in your ass
Oh, just make my dick. He doesn't have enough dick to get to the cheese.
Can I do my joke?
It was my joke.
I was setting up for you, fuck.
Sorry.
Step up my joke.
Do it again.
You want to put me in the ass?
I would never fuck you with the ass.
Why?
Because my dick would get lost.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Bobby!
Bobby!
Bobby! Thank you, thank you.
Thank you.
Oh man.
Oh god.
All right, let's see.
So you would fuck Bob.
Well, you didn't finish the question.
Would you, if I was okay, I get this strap on.
Wait a minute, is she hosting her featuring?
Yeah.
Is she hosting her featuring?
I was just featuring.
I'm not letting a host fuck me in the ass.
So when I was okay, what would you hate?
Are you married still?
No, no, no.
You're doing a quick seven on the show,
but he's gonna put in a good one for the year.
No, you're doing 20, you're doing 20.
You're doing 20, we're touring, and I was like,
hey, what are you doing?
Yeah, why not?
You're doing fucking ass.
I don't think, do you why not?
Stop, shut up.
Lewis, relax.
Let me fucking let it talk.
He seems nice, he doesn't see it.
Like you and Dave, the night that I broke up a guy. Yeah that night you and Dave got real
Hi, and I was literally sleeping on Rebecca's couch and they're like do you want us to focus you?
I was like that's like sounds like the worst because you are the girl
The double team by me and Dave. That's something a fucking dream. You would be looking at each other first of all
You'd be looking at each other and Yeah all. You'd be looking at each other. And I was like, yeah.
You got to hold Dave's fucking you, though.
They were so sincere.
They thought that that was going to warm my heart up.
Like I was going to be like, oh, thank you for doing that.
They would even be like, oh, we did a good thing.
Yeah, that was charity.
And then I would just be like, oh, that's it.
That's it.
Oh, man.
You're not a charity.
This is charity, these two fucking A-E. You're smoking a bowl. Just like, do you like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, You two are just dumb dumb what me and Dave. I love it. We've had a lot of girls throwing at us. I
Did it yeah, well you know fucking choke on Legion of skanks. There's a certain kind of person that goes and watches that yeah Well, no, I've had a look. Let's not get awesome. Wait girls. Let me say something girl. I've the girls like
Oh, yeah, I'm one dude. We're gonna fuck by the other please
Somebody else not you to really really
You're very high. You're very hot. No because because I understand what she's saying. If it was a random couple guys, it could go away.
If you guys did it, every time she showed up at the stand-up, everyone's there.
She's gonna hear giggles every time she walks in the room. You would I'd be a guest of Legionist Gangsta next week and
Tell me all about it. I mean, no. Yeah.
Well, she was feeling bad.
Have you ever done a threesome?
No.
Sorry.
Oh.
Hey, Damien, you ever done a threesome?
No.
Not even with two chicks.
I think that's what was implied.
No, no, with you.
With you, it was two dudes.
Yeah, you and two dudes.
You and I, you two guys. Would you do what have you done a
threesome with me and Dave have double team checks the guy. Yeah, you kidding me. Definitely. I've
done a bunch of them with a friend of mine. Yeah, we as we I liked it. It was cool. It was fun.
Did you look at him a lot? Huh? I was drinking them off. No, I told the story recently Dave,
he came in the girls face before I had finished.
I'm like, now I got a fuck a chick with your comon her face.
That's bad.
And consider it.
That's a hot turn off.
Yeah, that's considered.
But at least he did it on her face and she didn't swallow it and then you went to
kiss her and then you smell it.
No, but I got to kiss her and then fucking have his gizz up against my face.
I'm sorry, hang on one second.
No, you don't. I do. I make love. No, you can't. No, I didn't kiss her, then fucking have his gizz up against my face. I'm sorry, hang on a second, no you don't. Yeah, I do.
No, I make love.
Well, you can.
No, I didn't kiss her.
You didn't kiss her?
No, but then I had a jerk, I don't really come on girls' faces at all from it, but then
I had a pull out and go over to her face and look, I'll do it too.
She's rubbed you into her face, she's a real whore.
She mixed gizz on her face.
Imagine if it like that did some type of weird thing, and she got superhero powers from
it.
She's made a baby, the gruffer face me and Dave.
I suppose to be right.
Turtle politics in MMA.
Yeah. Just an angry, smart baby.
All right. Listen.
That's all right.
I'm it's a lot.
It's a lot to think about it.
But I I I appreciate you for wanting to you would bang me in the butt.
Yeah, sure.
Thanks.
But you wouldn't let me and Dave double to me, but you bang Bobby in the butt.
See, I would rather peg Lewis.
I thought it's like he's like you could just like dirty talk. But you wouldn't let me and Dave double to me, but you bang Bobby in the butt see how'd rather peg Lewis
Because like he's like you could just like dirty talk a little slut pull his hair and stuff. I mean I
Really like yeah, you can't pull it here. Yeah, get a wig Pulls pubes though. We never show no I say I think and maybe this is me not knowing Bobby
I think you're better. I think you're just be a nicer person like you would black
It would be on all set better and better
He periscope You just be a nicer person like you would black it would be on all dude I'm like prince. He's like Tom side because you're five six
Thanks, Damien. He left he didn't laugh. He was a left. Yeah, he's laughing. Yeah, was a love
He's trying to end the show he won
It's not about fucking black issues and sports
Shit the fuck up you you, whatever you have to be
late for next week.
I'm sorry, okay.
I laughed the way I had fun.
Yeah, she didn't even want to put the headphones on.
I had fun, but I had some hot ass.
Have you got a fucking corduroy roll?
Yeah, first of all, those are just chrunes.
Those are coolers.
Our head going cooler.
They don't feel hot.
No, they don't.
It's been a Santa Claus hat material.
Exactly. You laughing at that one, too. Yeah, I'm just agreeing.
It wasn't even a joke. It was a reality statement.
Anyways, Keith Robinson just left me a voice message. I'm scared. I'm scared.
He is. It's not going to be good.
Bob, I'm having another stroke.
That's me, dude. I don't even understand why you didn't say that.
What? That's terrible.
No, it might be that you better check. All right, Louis, why you didn't even say that. That's mean. That's terrible. No, it might be that.
You better check.
All right, Lewis, I'll peg you in the butt.
That's fine.
Thanks, Peggy.
Yeah.
Well, listen, you, Peggy's.
If you survive a stroke, it's not
mean to make fun of it.
What's that?
It's only if they die of the stroke.
You can't make fun of it.
This has been, I just tempted suicide
and now I'm have to peg some in the butt.
This has been a real winner of a podcast for me.
I actually think it was very interesting.
I thought you were pretty cool to be honest about that shit.
Look, I always think about when somebody listening, yeah, okay.
So whatever, but there's somebody out there that might go,
oh fuck, I think of that shit too, or I'm on that med too,
or I've been down that road too, or I've, you know,
I've been fucked up.
That's gonna go, thank God.
Yeah.
I mean, there's nothing better for me
in the why comedy works for me,
is when I hear somebody say something
that I would, I thought, but never revealed,
but I walked around with.
And then all of a sudden, somebody says it,
and you're like, oh oh I'm not alone oh
Fuck I feel better that makes me feel better. You know what I mean? No, yeah fuck all that. That's that's great
I mean I mean you know I
You know you can't come to any my barbecues because I don't know I'm kidding
But uh huh. No, I mean even you psoriasist. I didn't know I really thought it was poison ivy
I'll tell you this though. I'm not even joking about that.
Is that, um,
I'm not even joking about it, seriously.
Get it fixed.
It's disgusting.
But no, the fact that you talk about that,
there's somebody out there that goes,
fuck, I have that too.
And she has it and you talk, who gives a fuck?
Who cares?
Kim Kardashian.
Yeah, can you build building a fanbase of depressed
my wife my wife has it a little bit yeah she has a little bit of it it's not like
uh... her father had it really bad the old he got
and uh... you know my kid might get it too because it's hereditary yet it's
a stress related
yes it's stress related to the fuck i i it's it's like all that shit to me is
fucking interesting and it's good because if someone can hear that shit,
I mean, there's a black guy out there
that just, you know, will never listen again
because he's like, yeah, these motherfuckers are corny.
Damien's right.
And, uh, no black people can't continue to listen.
They're not listening.
Anyway, I got a lot of black fans.
Yeah.
They tell me.
They're the black white.
But yeah, they're putting shoe polish on their face, Bobby.
What? No, you didn't laugh at that one. Yeah. Yeah. His fans are racist. I'm saying. That's not me being racist.
The my fans are supporting blacks with my Caucasian shirt. Anyways, what's in the chatroom, Deepz?
A couple of things. Joseph Felix says Lewis would be the worst poker player in history because he
because you can see and sense every emotion of his.
You're a very emotional.
Thank you.
Tom Chatton, thank you.
Okay.
Yeah, later.
Yeah, he heard you.
He just said it.
He's listening.
Thank you.
No, the camera.
No, no, no.
In the microphone, dumb dumb.
What else you got?
Thank you so much.
No, he's listening.
Zee-N-Vox says Lauren is so pretty. Good Lord.
Aw, thank you. She really is.
She's hot. Thanks the guy. She's all right.
No, she looked hot at the fucking live show.
Live show. I mean, I'm not even kidding.
If she's a little bit alone with Lauren at the live show,
whoo. She would have raped us. Yeah.
I'll take it.
Bobby drove me home like a gentleman. Yeah, I bet he did.
Yeah, fuck it. Put his fat sausage fingers in between your legs.
I don't want to.
Ever since she told me she has a huge vagina,
I don't want it.
Does matter.
Who has a huge vagina?
How do you know?
She said it.
I said it.
Should you throw the podcast equipment in it?
You need a big dick.
Yeah, like a really big dick.
See, I can't handle a big dick.
Check please. See that turn? I like that. That, like a really big day. See I'm really opposite. I can't handle a big dick. Check please see that turn
People always get that but it's a problem
I can't like I can't fuck a big dick person
The biggest you ever had
I don't I didn't measure it and I've never measured my pussy
Poor this water into your bowl.
You're like a ballpark sausage?
Yeah.
It's bottle of that.
Yeah, see how much water you can put in there?
Lauren, how big do you need?
I don't know.
Give me an inches and an thickness.
And an answer.
It's like a banana.
Open your mouth.
You need a banana size deck.
Like that?
Oh no.
A plantain or a banana?
Just a layer.
I don't know.
I'm on a drought. Things might have tightened up a little bit. That doesn't work like that. I no. A plantain or a banana. I don't know. I'm on a drought. Things might have
tightened up a little bit. That's a lot. That's a lot. That's a lot. That's a lot.
I'm hoping. I love it. I love it. I love it. She just explained how vagina is really
working. She thinks her her click grows back. No, you can do kiggles. That's why I
can't be a pussy. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have a kegel machine? I'm doing it right now.
No, you're really doing. Are you really doing kiggles? I'm doing it right now. Are you really doing it? I'm doing that with doing it. You're doing it.
I'm not. I don't look at my face. He's doing it right now. What else you got? Someone
else in chat says I would fuck the depression out of Peggy. Oh, thank you. I have a joke
about a better one night stands cures depression. so afterwards a lot of guys like like now.
Really?
What was last time you had a one night stand?
Two weeks ago.
Really?
I love one night stands.
Is it a comic or a civilian?
A civilian.
Really?
His house of yours.
His.
White guy black guy.
Puerto Rican. right in between both eyes
You're in there Lewis Wow, so pig. I want to hear more about Lawrence Lincoln tunnel
Damien come back
You trying to roll out of the room slowly
Never had a worst fucking guest in him. Oh, I'm, I'm literally, that is just, I'm here.
I'm here.
If I wanted someone shit, I would've got my friends,
like Keith, or Colin to be on the show.
If you wanted somebody to sit back and not talk.
No, I'm listening, I'm listening to people.
I know you're supposed to be talking and participating.
God, what's going on?
He said, God, he's going to talk.
Oh, OK, what do you need?
Fuck off.
All right, let's wrap this fucker up.
Anything else in the chat room?
William D says Bobby should do a one-on-one with Lewis.
No.
Like Lewis fans, like Lewis.
We did want a while ago, you tried to make me cry.
I did.
Oh, I thought that was like a fucking thing.
I'm actually doing a podcast in my new little thing
up in my house, comedians and cigars. What we smoke is stoke and then talk
about shit. You want to do it? I'll do it. Let's do it. You smoke cigars? Yeah. All
right, cool. What do you got to? What's going on with you? I have a podcast called The
Center City Comedy Podcast. It's a great podcast. We actually, we were on like a year ago
and we got a lot of listeners from this. Good man. That's cool. I love that.
I love when my listeners go to the people on the show.
You got a great show.
I've listened to it.
Thanks man.
I love all you guys.
I'm in to other people on the Bobby.
Henry.
Are you holy?
And no, dude, I know all those fucking guys.
He knows it in my face.
My favorite name in the world.
Shavon.
There you go.
Andrew Shavon.
Hi, it's one of my favorite names in the world and the adorable guy
So go fuck yourself. Yeah, I do I we will name one other one. We were thinking about
He did it you did foley. He did you know everyone else said the fucking names know it's a chavon. Yeah, yeah
Yeah, he said foley. I said you own. Yeah, yeah, it's Kevin Ryan and Derek games the other ones
We switched black eyes
You did who's a new black guy?
Derek gains is our new black guy was the old black
Reggie Conquest. Oh, I thought it was you you definitely up. Yeah, you would yeah, Reggie just was always late
Wow
Maybe she gave her to the black guy
All right, so what else you got that's it man. I don't know you got it like going on really?
No, I mean, you know I'm performing all over but like going on really. No, I mean, you know, I'm performing all over but like nothing
You know just show this stuff, you know, it's great
And you live in it you live in here now with the other guys. Oh, yeah, I've been here for a few years now
I have a monthly at the standing room. That's the next one is June 16th
Now do you have to stay at the market show? No, they have seats. Okay. Yes. You've never been in the standing room
I actually have been there. Okay, we did something else there
Yeah, but I like that place. It's pretty cool cool. Cool. All right, man. Well, thanks coming on absolutely
Thanks, right back on again. I won't have all the Philly boys back on be cool. We'll do that you come on to
Yeah, yeah
Hey
What do you got besides fucking?
Somewhere to go the worst
We got besides fucking somewhere to go. You're the worst.
No, you're the worst.
You're the worst.
I was dead.
But you're the worst.
You were the same way last time.
No, I wasn't.
No, just the first time I've ever had to be anywhere.
Did you have to leave?
I got to, yeah.
I'm about to break out.
I'm about to break out.
I didn't, yeah, I didn't know.
Never again.
No, I was going to say.
No, I would love to come back.
I said, not coming back.
You fucked up, showed up late.
And you want to leave.
Well, literally, listen, you fucking, you listen you fucking you fucking on your phone the
Time no I'm here. I'm here
Let me tell you the reason I was late early is cuz I had fucking full poison in I was
Yeah, cuz I need it to settle my stomach listen man. I'm not gonna argue with you cuz you're very smooth
You talk very cool. Thank you, and it makes me like you
Makes me really like you, but you know what fuck you dude
Very disrespectful. No, I was here. I was here
They got for I thought I'd say this in my life. Thank God for Lewis Gomez
But if you know what, like he's a dead, he's a dead,
she's dead.
They all had a dead thing.
He's dead.
Very present.
Very honest.
Hold on.
Opened up.
Opened up to the point where it was uncomfortable,
but she saved it.
Fucking gross skin.
It was gross.
We don't have that much.
Huge pussy.
Come on.
What did you add?
He asked you that.
He's exploring, solving questions. That's gross. That's gross. That's gross. That's gross. Huge pussy come on, what did you add? I asked him that it's not his exploratory questions that
truth is that he wrote us things.
I definitely thank you.
I set up a free episode of Thor and Thor and I wrote it.
He was the compass of the show.
All right, all right.
What do you got, man?
I got a bunch of other websites of fucking.
In the conversation.
Yeah, well, who's that with?
Yourself?
Which he was not on the show.
Yeah, it was me, Vladimir Cabrero.
And one man, Ali Muhammad. And then, Muhammad and then the fuck is it the Taliban?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, it was mostly good.
The buy-in
Did you call it everybody but white guys?
It's good show though. It's called America Stigs
Yeah, yeah, sure
Sounds fucking wonderful
But you know talk I bet you're not on your phone on your show. I'm just listen to what listen what Yeah, yeah, listen, uh, sounds fucking wonderful
But you know, talk I bet you're not on your phone on your show. I'm just listen what listen what listen man I was I was got my phone is on airplane right now. I just kept looking at the time. I don't fucking throw it out the window
It's just I was just trying to yeah, I was trying to be someone
I'm gonna do give me the bomb I'm gonna bomb dinner. I don't know where it is. It's ridiculous
Never too late. I'm gonna make his phone an airplane. That was a really not him.
No, sorry.
I didn't always have any.
All right, so what do you, what else you got?
Comedy knockout, Thursdays 10 30 on True TV.
Where's that?
That's the one.
It's a show.
What is that?
That's why you don't have to talk on its pocket.
Yeah, it's true.
I love for you to have.
What do you do?
I'll do it.
It's like a man talking to me.
Oh, sorry.
It's a panel show like competition shoes on it
Norton's been on in no, who's on the show with you? That's I'm just a host
You're the host. I'm hosting and I would love to do it come through I would make it happen
I love true TV. Why do you you booked him like it's your bar show do come through anytime?
Yeah, because can I tell you why cuz he can go back to his people go Robert Kelly was
They cool if he goes back to his people says Lewis they'd be like, oh the Puerto Rican Rattles sake you tell them that I want to be on the
God damn show I'm not people the fuck out on comedy knockout. Do we actually fight them?
You can if you want to say get to that next yes, listen
I would love to be on the show and true TV. How long is she open on?
Came on started in April 21st. That's great. I look. Maureen Tarrings.
21 days after my boat. Maureen Tarrings just went over there.
Yeah, he's fucking unbelievable. And now they're really trying to put,
put some really good content. They're trying to really kick it up.
They go for it. Yeah, let's see you, man. I've seen your face over the city.
So they got a good marketing campaign. Yeah, it's a little of a sub-wiss.
That's Denzel Washington. All right. So bit subways. That's then's our Washington
All right, so is that it?
That's it. I mean follow me. That's a lot. Yeah, follow me at D. Lemme comedy. I'm gonna roll a little bit to all right good
Man, but yeah, that's that's that's the
Thanks for coming on and thank you, man. Appreciate kind of being here
Next time just do your plugs mail them in. I'll just say them at the end
Next time just do your plugs mail them in I'll just say them at the end
Next thing me come up I'm patting you down for your phone. You got to be early. Why got pat me now? I can't just give away I could just gave you before I gotta be a pat now. You gotta get on your stomach put your hands behind your back
And then I'm gonna fuck you with a dip. No, listen
What do you guys Louis go go miss comedy dot com go miss comedy on Instagram check out my show
Don't be a fucking asshole why you're not gonna snore through everyone else's fucking plugs
Yeah, because it wasn't funny. It was one two and then you did it the comedy power three
So I know it was good. I got it if I did it to her. We've given her enough shit
I want to fucking her to feel it's well, no, I'll just fuck you. I am fuck Fuck with her effort, Nesson. I love that you go, I love you say something,
mean, and she goes, I'm a fucking sensitive.
She's a good sensitive.
She's gonna stab you and then jump off a bridge.
I'm a fucking, cock sucker, I'll get through it.
Yeah, guys, check out my show.
You get the same anger as me.
You go to that fucking Irish, fuck you, I'll kill you.
But I love you at the end of Feel Terrible.
Good.
What else you got?
Check out my Sean series XM with Michael Bisping
who's fighting for the title.
Great show.
Yeah, fight down.
Fight to the title.
Now you're in brush 93.
I heard he's at 6 p.m. Eastern.
Who's he fighting for the title?
Luke Rockle, middle title.
Are you gonna have to lie to him and say, dude,
I think you can do it?
No, I mean, I already have been.
But I'm not, dude, I'm telling you what. Body, body. I'll tell you been. No, no, dude, I'm telling you right now.
Buddy, I'll tell you shit up there.
Dude, I'm telling you right now.
Buddy, he's a plus 700 underdog.
I'm putting $100 on him.
I know you fucked me.
I know you fucked me.
What?
The last time.
I don't know what Diaz, you fucked me.
I didn't fuck you.
My boss fucked you.
No, no, no, you fucked me.
No, my boss fucked you. I know. I'm me my boss. I know I'm gonna tell you
Listen
You said he
You
You said you said make a bet. I said dude
You said, you said, make a bet. I said, dude, make this bet, put this much money on you.
You said, are you sure?
I said, yes.
And then exactly what I said happened.
Okay, I got fucked too.
Big day, I got fucked.
I didn't get it in the fuck.
I think they made the bet and you took all the fucking money.
I kept the money.
Yes, that's what you did.
No, I didn't.
Yes, she did.
I would never do that.
Yes, she would. I would not do that. Yeah, she would I would not yeah
Why wouldn't you?
Because why would I do that James got a bike? He does a bike
I'm as bike did it's got a bike and you got nuke shirts and hats and you're not worried or nervous anymore about money
Yeah, yeah, you're right. You're actually a $400. I would have made off you would have helped you out up where you live
Really three months written horlots. That's like being in Guatemala.
All right. So count down, serious XM Thursday, six PM Easter,
standard time, check out Legion of Skanks going to once a week,
officially off the Kumi Network, starting on my own network.
Don were on gas digital dot com because we had a fucking leave.
It didn't make sense anymore. Give that to Lewis. What?
What is it? We're going to read that at the end. Okay. Okay.
What else? Also, the real read that at the end. Okay.
What else?
Also, the real-ass podcast on the gas digital network as well.
Guys, if you guys want to go check out the gas digital network, it's gasdigitalnetwork.com.
Check out all the other shows that are on the network.
Got a bunch of headlining stuff coming up too.
I'll be me and Dave Smith are doing a tour in mid-July.
I'm going to be all over everywhere from St. Louis to Chicago to Nashville, etc.
Also, do something June 30th.
Skankfest.
Skankfest, that's what I was going to promote.
Skankfest is going to be June 18th and June 19th.
Bob, now you're looking at your phone.
I just got a text from SD.
I get nervous.
Am I back in?
No, not yet, but I'm working on it.
Okay, thanks, bud.
June 18th and June 19th, from the Creek in the Cave and the
Standing Room, it's a two day long all day comedy festival.
Robert Kelly's headlining on Sunday night.
What?
When is it?
Am I?
Dude, if you fuck?
When is it?
When is it?
19.
Did you pull out right now?
I'm not even kidding you.
I will fuck you up in front of your people.
You're telling me my wife.
First of all, you're never, you're not going to fuck me up.
No, fuck you up. I could fuck you up
You would not you and 18th and June 19th Creek LIC dot com grab tickets Robert Kelly or Shafir Selvokano Michael Che
fucking
Ron Bangton is doing
Father's day. Yeah, no shit. You said yes already. It's too late. You're going dude. It's my first father's day
No, it's not it's a third
You're going dude. It's my first father's day. No, it's not it's a third
You know, we're he can acknowledge it. He actually made me this awesome thing in his school and his little handprints And it says happy father's day and he gave it to me. I almost fucking I do that. I don't give a fuck
I teared I'm tearing up right now. That's sweat
Bubbies eyes are sweating. I just unplugged something. All right. Are you done with your monster plugs?
Damien's back away from the mic again.
Now, you know what?
It's just very tight right here.
So I like to pull back a little more.
I'll do some more monster plugs.
What done?
Go to do you have a website.
romancecomedy.com.
OK, there go there.
He's got a ton of shit.
Jesus Christ.
You think you'd be more famous than you are.
What do you got?
Peggy's suit?
Hard, lonely, and vicious on Cape County radio,
it's my podcast about dating and gender roles.
Really?
I do have guests on?
Yeah, you should come on.
I will come on.
I love the Creek.
I love Rebecca, and I love what they did over there.
And Cave Radio was great to watch.
Are you off cave radio to yeah
Are you not gonna record there? No, we're so recording every Wednesday 9 o'clock Legion of San
That's the that's the way we make money from it anyway. Yeah, well look man. She uh, she's I love that what she's the
Defuckin tacos there
It's upstairs. It's downstairs and it's creativity if it wasn't for her
I don't think we would see the funny
that has happened in New York City in the last eight years.
That's true.
I really believe that because the clubs did not give
the opportunity to the guys right now that had just
popped in the fuck off.
And the next generation, if it wasn't for Creek and the Cave,
and the ability to just go the fuck up and do your shit,
have a good time, go to the bar, have some food, and feel like a fucking human being and let them
fail and succeed, you would not have.
She created the fucking like the young comment.
So everyone, all these fucking managers and agents making money should thank Rebecca.
Yeah.
And it's like an incubator for funny, like everything from podcast to stand up to fucking, you know
The comics fucking go there. They eat they drink it's a fucking
Yeah, you if you're in if you're visiting New York and you want to just experience the other side of comedy
Because I was the sellers great and stand as great and all these clubs are great. New York comedy club is
I just went over there was amazing. They're doing a great job
But if you want to see the other side, which is like fucking real deal next generation comics,
if you go there on a Friday night and have some tacos,
have some beers, you can get like $2 beers and like,
you know, $3 tacos and just watch some great comedy
and we're back as the shit.
Yep, really?
What else you got, baby?
And the live show of it,
Hardly Envicious is the second Saturday of every month
at the Creek and then tonight, Creek Cave Live,
if you want to come to the Creek.
I host Creek Cave Live every month. every time is that show Friday at 10
Why would you do because I'm on an earlier show I'll stop by maybe come on
I'm fucking steal my st. She was about to give me a spot I might stop over come over
He's not gonna do a spot next one June 24th and 25th
I'm doing double. I do everyone time except there's one time June 19.
It's Father's Day.
It's Gang Fests.
On Father's Day you guys check out the whole.
Why see me bartending.
What do you got?
What do you got, dude?
You're gonna be on a show.
What's up, buddy?
I have a podcast that's called You're On The Clock Podcast.
Let's go put that in with me one day, four weeks ago.
Just stick to your football.
So if you guys are supporting us, fan, checkobo did it with me one day, yeah, a few weeks ago, uh, strictly football. So if you guys are sports fans, check that out and go to, uh, on the clock podcast.com.
But it's your opinion football.
All right.
So we have an ad to read.
No, just, we have a, where's that new ad?
Did you get the new ad?
Just that.
Where's the new ad we just got?
I talked to Rob.
Okay.
He said just the premium.
Okay.
Double.
What do you got besides a big ass and a shitty disposition?
And a dad who and a shitty disposition?
And a dad who's a pussy apparently that he's
Diffy, it's almost hang on I'm here. No, I'm in I'm fucking I'm ready. I got to go to actually. I were wrapping up I'm in it. We got fuck we're wrapping it up as we're going
We got him her
Him and me and then we're done. That's 30 seconds. Now what is it?
With 30 seconds, we're good.
It's one show, no show, no show.
Do it.
If you listen to live, this Wednesday
come to the New York comedy club, 930 show.
Bobby was supposed to be on it, but then he had a cancel.
So what happened?
You said you can't do it.
When?
Wednesday.
You have Max's thing.
Oh, it's parent night at school. He's in school. He's three years old. He's in school. We have a school
Yeah, that was a that was a made up fucking maxes thing
Right now
I have my show with the nap obby
Elmer downward yeah right behind us. We have that we promoted you and everything on the line up Is it visiting school dude? I look man my kids in a good school. Yeah, he's in a good school
What and he's going to camp all summer to at that school? It's like it's like hog wars, too. It's crazy
They teach you magic, dude, my place quidditch. You're gonna make it my kids at 90%ile right now look at that
So do you think though? Listen?
Did I hope on your barbecue my kid beats up your kid.
It's not gonna happen.
No, my kid's kind of a pussy.
Yeah, my kid's, my kid, it's him,
kid kicked him the other day, James,
he's like, he kicked me, he's a jerk.
And I was like, if somebody kicked you, you kick him back.
And then the kid, if his father was there,
I was gonna fucking be like, yeah, dude,
your kid kicks my kid again.
I'm gonna smash your face in the ground
and front of your kid.
Why, you can't do that, buddy.
No, I would have.
No, but you can't be this...
I would have.
Can I say something?
Guys, I have a show Wednesday in your comedy club.
There you go.
Buddy, you can't fucking the kid who's kicking is a kid.
They don't know yet.
If he's 12, okay.
But if he's four, he doesn't know.
What do children have to do with Lewis being a sociopath?
Right.
Who are you getting?
Tom Cassidy Comedy.
Hey, what else?
What do you got, sweetie?
Just at Lauren Cabera.
You guys posted a huge, messy, and I burned my big game.
Besides a gaping plot.
And some of your day.
I'm the fuck dude.
Why would you?
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Okay. I'm the fuck dude. Why would you? I'm the fuck dude. Why would you? I'm the fuck dude.
Why would you?
I'm the fuck dude.
Why would you?
I'm the fuck dude.
I'm the fuck dude.
Why would you?
I'm the fuck dude.
I'm the fuck dude.
Why would you?
I'm the fuck dude.
Why would you?
I'm the fuck dude.
Why would you?
I'm the fuck dude.
I'm the fuck dude.
Why would you?
I'm the fuck dude.
I'm the fuck dude.
Why would you?
I'm the fuck dude. I'm the fuck dude. I'm the fuck dude. I'm the fuck dude. I'm the fuck dude. He does the one message on Facebook. It's like so you like a WG some what's up with your pussy?
This here bats flying
That often sounds like someone fucking
Is it look I don't like any noise when I fuck coming out of vagina. Oh, I don't like that
I don't like any I don't like any noise. Oh, I like like when
You like a sloppy beat like the sound of slimy pussy on your dick. It's great. I don't want to hear how fucking
you don't like this? No, because I was like my fucking stomach is making that sound on her ass. I know my stomach
literally remember Patrice's joke was it when he went to check out our top and he had the fuck
Remember Patrice's joke was it when he went to check out our top and he had the fuck
Was that a lot I don't know nice talking to you. All right. Let's go. I address this What you got baby? You can follow me at our to deep. Boo and you can check out my awful bar show in Park Salope
Deep who can be more specific
Deep who threw me on fucking nom's podcast. Yeah, I was literally, I thought we were gonna save that for.
No, we're not saving it,
we're gonna fucking get it real quick.
Okay, we're in one second, one second.
Can I set this up?
Yeah, go ahead.
All right, so Noam downstairs
wanted me to work on some projects for him
and I asked for way too much money
and he got insulted.
I thought he was gonna negotiate
and then he invites me on his podcast and.
Where is he?
No. What the fuck is that? It'd be all right, like a squishy vagina. He was gonna like negotiate and then he invites me out his podcast and
Like a squishy vagina
Would you swallow guy?
It's very specific what you take your meds today. Yeah, okay. That's why I'm happy. No, I'm happy.
Okay, what's up?
So I go on, so it, no, I'm inviting me as podcasts and like I thought it was going to,
I thought like, I don't know how it was going to get in this podcast and salt no.
No, I didn't insult no, my fucking end up insulting Bobby because I got pushed under corner.
I fucking panicked.
So I do a pop, I want to publicly apologize for what you say.
What did you say?
Hold on, I want to know what had you insult Bobby.. Well at the end of it. No, was like because
No, I was like so is this how you want is how you fucking treat people and I was and then I got fucking snippy
I was like well, maybe this has something to do with how I'm treated upstairs
Oh! Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Sounds like the inside of Lawrence would shine it.
Yeah!
That was just right.
That's right.
Oh my God.
But I'm really sorry about that, Bob.
We talked about it.
I called you.
He called me.
I give him credit.
As soon as he day called you.
Oh, you knew you were going to hear it, though.
He called me up and he goes.
He's told him already.
He called me up and he goes, look, I'm telling you right now, I did this.
I was out of line. I fucked up. I was backed into a corner.
Because I don't cheat. I mean, you treated well up here.
Yeah, yeah. I think I took my fucking grade.
I was just trying to divert Blam.
Because I just, I was looking so fucking bad.
Now I keep everything down.
Well, I was known just bust in Balsar. He was legitimately offended.
I, I, yeah, that's what Noam's known for.
Bust in Bals, having a good old time.
No, he's a ball buster though. it was like it was like it was i thought it
was going to be like one-on-one which is fucking crazy but like it was
that he was doing a fucking interview with no
that it was a project of a panel of jesus
you should have fucking asked for it to be over the cold for job i was going to
give you let's talk how much worry how much overwears are
charging i asked for six times more than I should have asked well hold on
thousands yes the job I'm not talking about what's the job he was getting up the video in the underground
underground lounge upstairs okay he was gonna set he's already set up the video downstairs worked in an
gallery rate hourly rate made money they gave me job they liked him they liked him from this job yeah
so they gave him a job over there he accepted he did it he made some good money they gave him a job they liked him they liked him from this job yeah so they gave him a job over there
He accepted he did it. He made some good money. They offered him a we're gonna do something upstairs
Yeah at the lounge and we'll like to hook up a couple cameras
Which the show would benefit from by the way yeah, we because we're gonna do it more live
Podcasting from the upstairs right and he went into negotiate like
Fucking Donald Trump. Yeah, I just can't really and they literally slapped him. They were like dude. Yeah
It's a you need to get the gig we love deep who he's banned. I'll fucking I'll do it for free
You'll never work the seller over dude. I know I'm so through Liz under the bed
You were never gonna sell it. I know he no, that's not true
I got I know a couple things. No, that's not true.
I got, I know a couple of things. I mean, that's not true.
That's not true.
True.
I like it.
Well, now it is true because I hope this up so bad.
Well, what he should do,
wrong.
I'm with him.
I'm with him.
Well, here's a deal.
No, my die.
Like, there's possible.
Yeah.
Well, who he jude the Jews?
Very good job, my friend.
Well, what he did was, and then he threw,
he said, you said Liz did something?
I thought, like, because Liz and I had conversation
about like, oh, these other people want to do the job,
and I thought that was a bluff, they fucking...
So she was like, she's, she was a liying in front of me.
Wait, you said it?
You said she lied?
I thought she was bluffing me.
I thought it was just like an negotiation.
Yeah, it wasn't a poker game.
I was just saying you're lying to me. This isn't fucking I don't
Texas. Hold them. Yeah. I thought a negotiation like that dude. What do you I don't know what
do you think you are? I think I'm Steve Jobs apparently. Yeah, it really does. Well, it could have been I did. It's
you feel you got low-bolt the first time. Is that why you came back so aggressive? Well, I mean, no one was kind of
joking sometimes about how I'm working for cheap. So I kind of fucked up.
He's got a friend.
He's got a fuck so.
So he came in heavy.
You okay?
Oh, get really motherfuckin' fucking cat out.
He showed up on a fucking ISIS costume.
10, 20 million.
Now I really believe they outsourced him.
He's a joke, Bobby.
Boom.
That was good.
I thought it was good.
I was, yeah.
I'm gonna be dumbing your joke too.
Yeah, when I walked out of that fucking recording I I needed a malt. I was fucking
There's no I guarantee neither one of these guys wrote down needed a malt
Anyways, but yeah, I'm really sorry, you have to go anyways, fuck face. I accept your apology
Thank you, sir, and thank you for being honest, So we'll move on hang on read that you do your dates
Come on do it your way though do it your way get people to do it. Let's eat you know crumple it on come on
Come on, let's go all right guys. You know you love the show YKWD premium. We've got some exciting news here at Rycast.com
About the you know what dude podcast? I can't look in the camera and read it Bobby. That's why you're not in this
Impossible. How do you fucking do that?
I'll show you how you want to tell a prompt you look up look and then look up first works
I had to announce an exclusive YKWD app for both Ios and Android. Oh my god
Goodbye Lewis
He said iOS
Lewis. He said iOS. He knows what he's doing. He doesn't. He doesn't know what I was. He's got his own app on iOS. He's still in the bus. He was in apology.
Listen, real quick. Bobby's dates are June 18th, House of Independence,
Asber, New Jersey, June 24th at the brokerage, June 25th. I'll be with you,
by the way, I got the dates. June 25th, McGuire's in Bohemia,
and the first two keep going down, learn,
to the eighth, seventh, you're gonna be
at the Marriott Steller's Aruba.
That's right, and I got some more dates coming down,
a lot more dates coming down,
I got some cool surprises happening, what's up baby,
what are you doing?
No, I'm just excited you're going to Philly.
Oh, you're gonna come?
Brand new club, by the way, Philly.
I know, I just think what's the point of it? it's yeah, I have like 55 found the punchline's opening
Are you one of the first people? Yes? Oh, that's
It's fucking I'm very excited. I work at helium. So well, you can't come if you need a host or anything
I'm I'm really cool. I'll fucking you guys want to do it. Just come on great. All right cool. I know a lot of energy
I got him Christmas like don't try and take mine. I'm kidding. Peggy's gonna get a
shrap on it. She's gonna be my middle. What else we got? Anything else? Let's
say right? All right listen you guys who listen to the show. There's thousands of
people that view it on YouTube. Subscribe there but do us a favor. Okay go
download the iOS app. Not the iOS iOS app with a fuck if you have an iPhone get
the YKWD app, if you have an Android get the Android version, it's free.
All 10 episodes of the latest 10 are always going to be free, but we have a new episode coming
out, the one we did at PODFEST, where we talk about the Chamber Boys that go Abby, Colin
Quinn's on it, Dan Soda, Joe Liss, Louis J Gomez, and the crew here, and it's going on the premium thing.
All you have to do is sign up through the app.
We'll go to Riotcast, click on the premium button,
sign up, it takes two seconds, and that's it,
and it's 190 and under two bucks a month.
That's it, you don't even know it comes out.
Two bucks a month, you get all our premium content.
And we're gonna start doing live shows all the time.
You're going to get a lot for your money, okay?
So go sign up.
We want to start making some a little money here.
Look, I'm not trying to be a millionaire,
but I've done 350 episodes for nothing.
You guys have donated a few here and there.
I love you to death, but I want to start paying these people
that come in and maybe start giving the comics a little money
that show up, you know, to make it like a spot. I'm believe me. I'm not gonna keep it all
I'm gonna give it back to the guests and the people that help me do this
I'm gonna keep it a lot of it, but listen some of it if I show up with a fucking Ferrari
Fucking fired depot
So make sure you go there sign up for the premium thing you guys are the best fans ever
You guys supporting me the last couple weeks throughout that fucking horse shit that people attacking me
I love you the death. I fucking love you. Go mites. I fucking love you too. All you psychopath fans from creaking
Yeah, they really did come out and they're fucking great and the the the the
That's some really great tweet the fucking yeah, they were fucking great. They were really good
Thank you just skanks fans you great, which I think are all my fans originally.
They just kind of left. Yeah, because Lewis says fuck why KWD follow me.
So, but thanks for coming back. They came back for that one time. Yeah, you guys are the best.
You guys are the best fans of the world. Thanks for listening and we'll see you next week.
You know what?
You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening.
Now go back to your shitty jobs.
Check out riotcats.com for all the best podcasts on the internet.
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